Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first time it happened was truly not supposed to happen.

The year was 2012 and Calum had still yet to wrap his mind around the fact that they had the one and only: Ashton Irwin playing in their band. Or, correction, in their band. Ashton was a couple years older than the other boy but that for some reason made Calum obsessed with him. Not only that, but Ashton wasn’t like the two others in the band, he didn’t like cuddling nearly as much. At first Calum assumed it was because he was still relatively new to the friend group, but he and Michael warmed up to Luke almost immediately after becoming friends. Because of this, Calum made it his goal to cuddle Ashton as much as humanly possible. 

Ashton detested it adamantly at first, but slowly warmed up to the idea of the Kiwi boy becoming his personal koala. Plus, Calum was actually really talented at songwriting. If Ashton couldn’t see the potential in them, he never would have joined the band, and after hearing “Gotta Get Out”, that basically settled what he already knew: he needed to see this band out. And after Calum got down on one knee to propose the band to him, who could say no?

It was one of the days where Michael and Luke ditched practice to canoodle or whatever when Calum looked up from his bass with a special glow in his eye. “Hey, Ashton. You’re like way old, right?”

Ashton huffs a laugh but slowly nods, “Sure…” He didn’t like where this was headed. 

“Have you ever, you know, kissed a girl?” Calum lowers his voice in the second half of the sentence, almost shy. Calum could feel heat burning behind his cheeks and prays to god that the dirty blond didn’t notice.

“I mean- yeah, sure. Why?”

“Well, it’s just, I kind of-sort of- have plans to go on a date with this girl from my high school and I don’t know what to do. She came and asked me and I don’t know what to do, what if she kisses me?” Calum looks down and nearly facepalms as he groans, “I’ve never even kissed anyone before. What if I mess it up and I’m the new laughing stock of the whole school!” The Kiwi boy grabbed hold of the older boy’s shirt and gently shook him while saying, “My reputation will never recover!”

Ashton gently shoves off his grip and moves him back by his shoulders, “Calm down. You’re very dramatic! So, what did you want me to do about it, hm?”

Calum sputters for a second before he regains himself, “I don’t know, give me advice? Isn’t that what wise sages do?” Calum smirks and looks at the older boy to see if he caught the jab at his age. 

Ashton scowls and grabs the pillow on the other side of the bed and hits Calum with it. 

“Hey! Ow! What the fuck, man!”

Ashton sets down the pillow and just shrugs.

“Be careful, if you want advice you gotta stop that, young man,” Ashton mimics a father as he scolds the other boy with his finger.

“Okay, fine.”

“Better. But, uh… I’ve kissed two girls so far and I don’t have crazy experiences, either. But okay. To kiss, mouths closed, is super easy. You basically just… suck?” Calum cuts him off with a loud guffaw, “Hey! I don’t know how to explain it. Whatever.” Ashton rolled his eyes. “Making out is super weird but it’s super good. It’s like regular kissing but with mouths slightly open and tongues get involved.”

“Okay, I already knew that, teach me how.”

“Well, uh, I don’t know. It’s a back and forth kind of motion but it’s honestly easier to understand once you actually do it. Trust me, once you’re in motion, you just kind of get it.”

“Well, I’m not smart like you are, are you sure I’ll get it?” 

Ashton looks down at the other boy to see Calum with the most pitiful frown Ashton’s ever seen on the other boy. 

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re plenty smart! I’m sure you’ll kiss a girl and she’ll be blown away!” The pitiful look still doesn’t leave Calum’s face so Ashton caves, “Okay, what if I… show you.?”

Calum’s countenance lights up for a second before it settles again, chewing his lip he mumbles, “That won’t be like, weird, right?”

“No, it’s okay! I offered, right? I just want to be able to help a pal out. No worries.”

For some unexplainable reason, Calum’s chest suddenly feels tight and the warmth of embarrassment, or something else, reappears. Ashton takes a deep breath and slowly puts his hand to rest on Calum’s cheek.

Calum’s eyes almost bulge out of his skull, “Now!?”

Ashton huffs, “Yes, now. It’s best to get it over with.” Calum’s chest now felt a stinging sensation, for yet another unknown reason.

“Pfft, yeah, of course.” Calum puffs out his chest before his cheek is being gently grabbed and pulled for his lips to meet Ashton’s. For a split second before their lips meet, Calum doesn’t know what to do. Should he close his eyes? Where does he put his arms? Does his breath stink? Are they going to French kiss? All his thoughts turn to mute as their lips meet in the center, an explosion of fireworks bursting through his gut as they both start moving in sync. 

Ashton gently nibbles on Calum’s bottom lip and a gasp falls from his mouth involuntarily as Ashton’s tongue invades the shorter’s mouth. A gentle caress between their tongues feels more natural than Calum thought it would be. He thought it might be kind of weird, but this feels weirdly natural. 

The hand on Calum’s cheek slowly slides up to his hair and Ashton grips the strands and gently tugs, causing a groan from Calum once more, but much louder. This breaks the atmosphere and Calum suddenly backs away.

Calum wipes the spit off his lip, “Woops, sorry. Got a little carried away.” The boy looks at the ground to avoid eye contact

Calum can feel eyes trained on him for the next couple of seconds, it feels like hours. The pause is pregnant before Ashton finally breaks the silence, “It’s okay! Do you feel better about kissing people, now?” Calum looks up to find Ashton with his normal happy grin, as if nothing happened. He doesn’t understand why he feels a little hurt.

“Yes, thank you.”

Chapter Text

The year is 2014 and Ashton has had a girlfriend named Emilie for three months now. Michael and Luke have been dating on and off for years now, and now with Ashton having a girlfriend, Calum feels awfully single. 

They all sit in their tour bus playing cards on their small dining table.

“I don’t understand what the big deal is with being single, you’re literally the perfect age for clubs. Get out there, man!” Michael says. 

“You make it sound so easy. It sucks when all the friends you wanna go out with just want to suck faces with someone instead.”

Luke kicks Calum from under the table, “So not true. You know we like to party. We can like sucking faces and partying, you know.”

Michael pipes up once more, “Or at least try to find someone to date if you’re gonna make it our problem.”

Ashton glares at Michael from across the table, “Don’t be so rude.” He turns his attention back to Calum, “You probably would benefit from a relationship, though, even if it isn’t serious. Maybe try dating apps, that’s how I found my girlfriend.” Ashton shrugs.

Calum sighs but opens his phone to download a dating app. He makes an account and adds pictures and a bio and he’s ready to go.

The first couple of women definitely aren’t his type. But then, he stumbles upon the most gorgeous woman he’s ever seen. He swipes right in hopes of her liking him too, but she’s way out of his league so his hope is very low. However, later that night in their hotel he gets a notification from the app saying he received a DM.

Danielle: Hi Cutie ;)

The girl from earlier messages him and Calum almost jumps from his seat. He quickly readjusts his hands to reply.

Calum: Hey beauty 

Danielle: Phone number? 

Calum quickly gives her his phone number and almost instantly hears his phone go off,

Danielle: Is it true what they say about tall guys?  

Calum instantly understands what she’s getting at and his cheeks flush.

Calum: Maybe 

Wanna see? 

Calum feels sweat pulling on his back at the thought of being rejected. Was he too forward? 

Danielle: Of course, love. 

Calum quickly shimmies out of his sweat pants and is passively very thankful he and his bandmates aren’t sharing hotel rooms tonight. He yanks down his underwear then gives it a good firm stroke to get it full mass. He shakily grabs his camera and points it to his dick, attempting to get it in the most flattering angle possible, dicks usually don’t look very aesthetic. 

He takes the picture and looks over it before quickly sending it through iMessage. 

Calum sighs and throws his phone at the bottom of the bed, scared to see what she’ll say. He rests for about a minute before he hears the tell-tale sign of his phone buzzing to life. He leans up (with a still half-hard penis, still, mind you) and grabs his phone and opens it up.

What he sees makes his heart drop to his ass. 

At the top of his screen in the messages reads:

Ash

Oh fuck.

The initial panic partially wanes enough for him to notice the weirdest part of it all: As a reply to the text is undoubtedly a picture of Ashton in sweat pants as well, while he’s holding his hardening dick through his pants. No caption. No other text. Just… that.

Calum feels his heart rate speeding up as his brain does the first thing it decides: calling Ashton. The ringing sound instantly fills the space and regret nags at Calum while he nervously chews at his lip as he contemplates hanging up and pretending this all never happened. 

Unfortunately, the world doesn’t allow him to change his mind because on the third ring an out-of-breath Ashton answers the phone, “Hello?”

“Ash…” Calum almost gasps. 

Calum can hear the smirk in the other boy’s voice, “Yeah? Did you like the picture? Coming back for more, huh?” The mocking tone of voice causes something to bubble up within him and a gasp comes up as he feels his half hard dick fill up more. 

“I’ll take that as a yes. So, why’d you send it? For fun? Wanted to see how riled up you could get me?” He lowers his voice, “Wanted to see how far I’d take it?”

Calum full body shivers and he whimpers.

“I swear I didn’t mean to send it! It was for a girl!:

“Oh, really? A girl? You sure don’t seem upset you sent it to me. In fact, you seem turned on, right now. Is that right?”

Calum mumbles out a “Mhm!”

“Words, baby.”

Calum’s going to die.

“Y-yes. Yes, I’m turned on! Happy?”

“Very. Now, how do you feel about getting off together? Is that okay?”

Calum nods his head before remembering Ashton can’t see him, “Yes!”

“Very good,” another shiver runs down Calum’s spine, “How about you lower your sweats and boxers again, for me?”

Calum slowly pulls them down, one by one and releases a shaky breath, “Okay.”

“Now gently stroke down. And up. Keep going until I tell you to stop, okay.”

Calum obeys and gently starts jerking off. Throughout the process Ashton continuously calls him sweet pet names that go right to his dick. This all is so very overwhelming and fast but Calum would rather be nowhere else. Calum hears whimpers releasing from his mouth as he eventually gets closer and closer. He feels compelled to let the other boy know, first, though.

“Ah-Ash. I’m- I’m so close. I’m close!”

“Stop.”

That one word causes Calum to instantly remove his hands and a lengthy whine falls from his lips, “Why…?” His words are much more whiny and petulant than he’d like it to be but he really can’t help it. 

“Trust me, it’ll feel better.”

Calum sighs and decides to trust him. He pushes his pants back to cover his penis after Ashton gives him the go ahead and begins again. After about 10 minutes, he panting hard and loud again and he can feel himself drawing closer and closer to release. 

“Oh! I’m so close, please, oh, please let me cum. Please!”

“Of course, baby.”

The feelings that come with this time are a thousand times better than any other he’s ever had. Whether it’s the edging or Ashton still talking him through it, Calum doesn’t know or care. All he knows is that that was the most satisfying masturbation he’s ever had.

Suddenly a thought pops into his head that fills him with dread. He knows he has to mention it though.

“What about Emilie?”

“Oh, fuck! I’m so sorry, I got carried away. I’m sorry, I gotta go.”

Calum stares at his phone where it shows the phone hang up screen as he lets the dread consume him. How is he supposed to move on?

Danielle: Hello?

Chapter Text

It’s 2019 and for a long time after the 2014 incident, they didn’t really do anything together due to Ashton’s guilt. But slowly but surely they fell back into it while Luke and Michael fell out of it after meeting their respective girlfriends. But then, Ashton met another girl. Calum could tell that Ashton had some guilt over it when he came over to talk.

The two sat squeezed right next to each other on Calum’s sofa. Ashton avoided eye contact as he spoke, “You know I care about you. But we, uh, we have to stop… you know. I really do love her. I hope you understand.”

Calum can’t help but internally roll his eyes. They’ve known each other for hardly a month.

“Yeah.. I get it, man. Whatever you need.”

Ashton smiles brightly and pats him on the shoulder, “Thank you so much, man!”

After their conversation, Calum wants nothing more than to yell at Ashton for how stupid he’s being, but he holds off. Instead, Calum goes back on the dating app, determined to find a girlfriend. Two can play at that game. He was going to make sure Ashton became jealous. Calum wasn’t going to be the only one hurting here.

~~~

As it turns out, Ashton was mainly unbothered by his plan. Not only that, but now Calum has a girlfriend whom he doesn’t really have feelings for. And, he can’t even let loose with Ashton anymore.

This sucks.

Ashton must’ve noticed that Calum’s been down recently because he invited him out to the club tonight. As Calum sits in the booth, watching as Ashton gets them more drinks, his heart lurches. How much longer can he play this game? How is Calum supposed to make things go back to normal with one of his closest friends? He never meant for things to become too complicated, it just happened.

Just then, Ashton sits down with their drinks on the other side of the booth, “Hey, man! Feeling better, yet?”

Calum raises an eyebrow, “I never even told you anything was wrong.”

“You didn’t have to. That’s what friends are for.”

Calum huffs.

“Did you want to talk about it?”

“I mean not really. I just wanna get drunk with you.”

“Of course.” Ashton gives him another of his signature soft smiles, “Bottoms up!” They both clink their drinks together and take a big drink simultaneously. 

For the next hour or so, they both keep getting more drinks until the world seems like nothing but blurry images. Ashton seems to be in a similar state. Somehow, Calum and Ashton find themselves next to each other in the booth now. For some reason Calum doesn’t remember when that happened. Ashton throws his arm around Calum’s shoulder and it throws his balance enough his face to become gently tucked in the other boy’s neck.

“Mmmm. You smell nice.”

“Yeah? Wuddoo I smell like?” Calum can’t tell if the flush covering his cheeks is from the alcohol or not. 

Ashton peeks up at Calum through his eye lashes and he seems enamoured. “When did you get so pretty?” Calum’s cheeks heat up even more and he awkwardly flushes, “Aw, I’m sorry. Did I make you uncomfy? I always do that with peoples. I swear I try to be nice but I just think your eyes are such a nice color.”

Calum frowns at the sadness leaking through the other’s voice. He gently brings up his hand and caresses the hair that’s fallen in front of his face, moving it behind his ear. Now it’s Ashton’s turn to blush. Calum moves his hand further down and holds his face. Ashton soothes into the sensation and closes his eyes. His breath is deep and calm.

“Kiss me, please.”

Ashton saying that nearly completely sobers Calum up, “What? Are you sure?”

“Yes, please. Please, I just need you. I miss you so bad.”

“Okay, sweetie.”

In the back of a dingy club, past the dance floor and bar, sits two men in a booth. The kiss at first starts out as sweet and gentle, and makes its way to more passion. Ashton straddles his legs up over the Kiwi boy’s lap and grinds down fiercely. They both breathe into each other’s mouths once the kiss has gone long enough for them to need a breath.

“Bathroom?” Ashton asks.

Calum’s nodding and bringing them out of the booth before Ashton can even finish saying the word. They both practically sprint to the men’s bathroom, all while still being basically on top of each other. Once they find an open stall Calum picks the taller boy up and slams him against the wall.

“Fuck me, please. Oh god, fuck me!”

~~~

The next day Calum wakes up in his bed with someone on the other side of the bed that he has a sinking feeling isn’t supposed to be there. The light from the window shines its light on the face of none other than Ashton. Like this, he almost seems… peaceful. Maybe even domestic. Oh, how Calum wishes he could be transported into a reality where he and Ashton had something like that. Where Calum could finally have Ashton as his.

On the other side of the bed, Calum hears mumbling and shuffling from the other boy, “My head hurts so bad. Babe, could you get me some tylenol?” Ashton promptly rolls over and eases back in the covers.

The thought of Ashton calling him babe sends fluttering in his stomach. But he knows that Ashton doesn’t know it’s him. He knows that Ashton would rather call any other girl, including one he’s known for a month, ‘babe’ over him. But he also knows that Ashton deserves to be reminded of what happened.

Calum slowly reaches his arm and gently shoves at Ashton’s shoulder, “Ash.” 

Ashton grunts but squints his eyes open. His cute squinty eyes quickly turn furrowed with confusion, then anger within a flash of an eye. Ashton quickly gets up and quickly shoves on his clothes in a huff.

“What’s wrong?”

Ashton moves into Calum’s space quickly, anger radiating off of him, “You know what! I have a girlfriend, you know that! I told you we had to stop.”

Calum feels anger bubbling inside of him as well, “No. We’re not gonna put the blame on me. We were both drunk. Ever think that maybe the reason we keep falling into bed together is because we both are consenting adults who want it. You didn’t cheat because I forced you too, and I didn’t cheat because you forced me, either. So stop pretending like you’re a victim in this situation. We both don’t have a clear conscience. So either get over it or stop messing with me.”

“Fine.” Ashton grabs his phone and slams the bedroom door on his way out.