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Chapter Text

The sight of Ferris wheels and bright lights
Gets me all rallied up
You know I'll be there
In amongst a million people
I see your face when you walk by
Don’t turn around

The first time Regulus Black met James Potter, he was thirteen years old.

It was September 5th, 2009. The county fair was loud, chaotic, and smelled overwhelmingly of buttered popcorn. Regulus was there with his parents and older brother, Sirius, who had just started high school.

The high school pulled kids from three different middle schools and Sirius wouldn’t stop talking about the new friends he was supposed to meet by the ticket booth.

Their parents hovered behind them, stiff and disapproving, looking for all the world like they would rather be anywhere else. They sneered at the noise, the cheap food, even the sky above like the setting sun had somehow wronged them. Sirius by contrast was practically vibrating with energy, dragging Regulus through the fairgrounds.

“Boys!” Walburga hissed at them through gritted teeth. Dark blue eyes so sharp she could cut down anyone in her path. “Do not embarrass this family out in public. I’m giving you each $50 for food and rides. Your father and I will be at Mazzio’s. We’ve had these reservations for weeks. Do not make us have to leave early.”
“Sirius, make sure Regulus has fun and doesn’t get lost. Regulus, dear, make sure Sirius doesn’t break anything and bring more shame to this family.” Walburga said, ice cold eyes on Sirius as he shifted from one foot to the other. And with that, his parents turned and walked towards their newly imported Porsche, noses turned up at everyone they passed.

“Come on,” Sirius kept saying, tugging Regulus by the sleeve. “We’re supposed to meet them already!”

Regulus was not very happy to have to stick with Sirius for the night. He wondered how he was going to be able to sneak off to hang out with his friends. Barty and Evan, were around here somewhere and he would much rather be with them. Regulus managed to wriggle his arm free from where Sirius had grabbed his wrist to pull him along.

“I am more than capable of walking on my own!”

“Then fucking act like it, come on!”

Regulus saw his moment to escape the second Sirius’ eyes latched onto his friends, he was smiling wider than he had ever seen his older brother smile before. Practically vibrating with excitement as he rushed towards the ticket booth.

Regulus was about to make a run for it, but he got distracted by the most beautiful boy he had ever seen. If this were a cartoon, heart eyes would be popping out of his head right this moment, he was almost positive and he hated him for it.

Because there he was, leaning up against a pole by the ticket booth, one foot raised steadying himself against it. Beautiful brown skin, the fluorescent light of the street lamp casting highlights across his face. Dressed in a dark red t-shirt and wrangler jeans both clinging to him in just the right places, a backwards baseball cap with dark brown shaggy hair sticking out underneath, and round glasses perched on his nose. A goofy grin plastered across his face, waving at him. No, not at him, at Sirius. That made something turn over in Regulus’ insides. He knew just by the way Sirius had talked about him that this was THE James Potter.

His better judgement told him to turn and run now. James was everything Regulus knew he hated. But a tiny, more curious part of Regulus told him to stay. James was everything Regulus never knew he wanted and he just got smacked in the face with it.

So, Regulus timidly followed behind Sirius as he ran up to his friends. James was standing with another boy, Peter something. Regulus didn’t care, he wasn’t really listening to the conversation, just staring at James, awestruck.

“Reggie, are you just going to be a fucking weirdo all night or are you going to say hi to my friends?” snapped Sirius.

Regulus blinked a few times, then tore his gaze away from James. He probably should have been embarrassed for staring, instead he turned to Sirius with a scowl.

Shifting his attention to Sirius’ new friends, he straightened his posture and spoke in a smooth, deliberately condescending tone.

“Hello, if you are friends with my brother, I can only assume you’ve contracted a brain-eating amoeba, which would explain such a poor lapse in judgement. I do not wish to be contaminated.” Regulus’ eyes flicked over James and Peter, cool and dismissive. Trying his best to act unimpressed, channeling his mother, hopefully he was pulling it off.

James just laughed and grinned at him as he stuck his hand out to shake Regulus’. Regulus looked incredulous, what had he just said? Tentatively, he reached forward with two fingers, pinched the top of James’ index finger, and moved his hand up and down. Mustering his best disgusted face he had learned from his mother.

“The pleasure is all yours.” Regulus huffed, sarcastically.

“Oh Sirius, you weren’t kidding. He’s an adorable little shit!” James exclaimed, deep brown eyes sparkling with delight.

Regulus stiffened at the word. He hated being called adorable by anyone, no less by the newfound love of his life, the human embodiment of sex appeal himself, James Potter. Adorable meant he saw him as a kid, Regulus didn’t want to be seen as a kid. He felt that he was very grown up at thirteen. He had always been told he was mature for his age. So words like adorable? They did not apply to him.

Sirius barked out a laugh and slapped James on the back like he was the funniest person he had ever met. Regulus rolled his eyes and begrudgingly followed along as the rest of the group continued talking and laughing. Making their way over to the red and white striped ticket booth. Sirius handed the bored-looking, grungy teenager at the booth a twenty dollar bill before turning to Regulus, closing a bright orange wristband around his wrist, already sporting one of his own.

“I didn’t need this Sirius. I’m not getting on any rides!”

“Still scared of heights, baby brother? Don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll let you go on the merry go round as many times as you want.” Sirius’ grey eyes were bright, reflecting the lights of the fair as he laughed and ran towards his friends.

Regulus took in the buzz from the lights and people around him. His parents had never taken them to the fair as children before. Not wanting to stoop so low as to walk around in the dirt and grass. But now they were deemed old enough to look after themselves.

He inhaled deeply, savoring the smell of fried foods, the animal scents from the livestock at the petting zoo, and his favorite smell, rain about to roll in. Regulus thought, this is what freedom smells like. The only screaming being done here was by people having fun. He wondered what that felt like.

As they trekked through the fair grounds, walking right past where you could feed the baby goats (Regulus would die before he admitted it, but he secretly hoped one of the other boys would want to stop and feed them because they did look SO cute), Regulus let himself fall back to examine the dynamics between the other three boys.

Peter had a squeaky, annoying, voice and was much more shy than his two friends. Always falling behind and never quite in the conversation. Even though apparently, he and James had been friends since they were toddlers, they really didn’t seem to mesh very well. Where James was bold and charming, Peter was quiet and timid. But James was kind, that is how they worked. You could see it in his eyes, as well as his actions. In the way he would stop and wait for Peter to catch up, or the way he would look to Peter to get his opinion on whatever they were talking about. Trying his best to not leave the poor boy out.

But it is hard to compete with one Sirius Black. A force to be reckoned with. A personality too big for his body, which is saying something because Sirius was notably taller than Regulus by about half a foot. Although Regulus will argue it’s because he hasn’t hit his growth spurt yet and it IS coming. Sirius was muscular from playing football as well, so not only was he imposing physically, but his personality a hurricane, sweeping up anyone willing to get too close.

Regulus was in the middle of staring at James’ perfect ass in his tight blue jeans when the older boy exclaimed “Oh shit boys, here we go! My freaking game!”

Regulus was unimpressed to say the least. The game booth had chipping green paint and “Spill The Milk” in big bold letters across the top. There were three balls sat on the rickety counter after James gave the older man working there his money. Off-white, dirty milk bottles were placed in a triangle on a stool a few feet in front of where James stood, picking up one of the balls.

“Alright, baby Black, this one’s for you!” James called over his shoulder. Something about the nickname made Regulus feel warm inside, even if he didn’t necessarily like being called that, just hearing James say it made it special.

James reared his arm back and threw the first ball, it hit the milk bottles straight on, they wobbled but didn’t budge.

“Oh, come on!” James groaned. Peter and Sirius snickered behind him. He threw the second ball, harder this time, and took out two of the bottles. Regulus could see James take a deep breath, center himself, and throw the third ball with deathly precision. Regulus felt himself getting a little hot just watching, honestly, he needed to get a grip.

The bottle fell, cheers erupted from the three boys. Regulus had to turn and avert his eyes as James threw both arms up in the air, making his shirt lift and expose a bit of skin. When he turned back around there James was, standing just close enough that Regulus could smell hints of sandalwood lingering in the air between them. He was clutching a ridiculous plushie of deer with tiny antlers and big, round, brown eyes peering at him.

While there was no replacing the exact hue of James’ beautiful brown eyes, Regulus supposed this would have to do for now.

“I’m a man of my word, baby Black.” James said, absolutely beaming at him, hand reaching out offering the plushie to Regulus. “For you.”

“You know I’m not actually a baby, right? I don’t have use for anything like that.” Regulus scoffed, a grimace on his face as he looked at James’ outstretched hand. His body betrayed him as there was a dust of pink crawling up his cheeks. Despite his words he still brought a hand forward, meeting James in the middle and snatching the deer from his hand.

Later, after they had played a few more games and the other three boys had rode some giant death traps they called rides at this place, Regulus was ready to make his escape to find his friends.

They were in line to get funnel cakes, James and Peter were laughing about something Sirius said. Regulus had looked over and saw Barty Crouch Jr. and Evan Rosier getting in line to go on the Ferris Wheel, he thought that was a little odd for the two of them, if he was being honest. It was mostly dark out now, and Regulus was getting bored of hanging out with his brother and his friends, no matter how nice James was to look at. None of the boys were paying any attention to him, so he seized his opportunity to sneak away unnoticed.

Regulus walked over to his friends, who had their backs turned and hadn’t noticed him yet. There was a blonde girl with oddly familiar features standing in front of them, looking at Regulus, amusement dancing in her eyes. He flicked them both on the back of their ear, earning startled yelps from each. They turned around, one hand cupped to their ear, the other ready to hit whoever was stupid enough to fuck with them.

When they saw that it was Regulus, Bartys grin stretched across his whole face, eyes lighting up with the laughter erupting from him. Evan just smiled softly and shook his head.

The blonde girl with them was laughing too. She had the same eyes as Evan, a piercing, fierce shade of blue that would put the skies to shame. Evan had mentioned that he had a twin sister, but she was usually off at some boarding school for girls most of the year but she must not have went back yet. This is the first time Regulus had gotten the chance to met the other Rosier twin.

Barty looked down at the deer still firmly clasped in Regulus’ hand and raised an eyebrow at him.

“Why the fuck do you have that thing?” A slight hint of something like jealousy in his best friends voice.

“He won it for being biggest cunt at the fair, obviously.” Evan interjected before Regulus could speak, something like jealousy in his voice too.

What was going on with them? Regulus thought to himself.

Evan cleared his throat and waved a hand towards the blonde girl, “Anyway, this is my twin sister. Regulus, Pandora. Pandora, Regulus.”

“It’s nice to meet you Regulus. I have heard horrible things, we are going to get along great!” Pandora giggled as she linked her arm in Regulus’ and hauled them off towards the front of the line that was now moving. He could hear Barty and Evan laughing behind them.

Regulus Black had a secret. He was a tiny bit afraid of heights. Okay, a lot bit afraid of heights. Which might have been an oversight on his part when he walked up to his friends in line for the Ferris Wheel. He hadn’t really had any intentions of actually getting on the ride. But here he was, sitting next to Pandora Rosier, with one hand tightly gripping hers, the other clutching onto his deer for—well—dear life.

“I’m gay so don’t get any ideas.” Regulus rasped. Trying unsuccessfully to cover the fear in his voice with snark.

Pandora looked down at where their hands were interlinked and deadpanned.

“Really? I figured we would just head to the courthouse and get hitched after this.”

Regulus’ jaw dropped as something like a laugh escaped his throat. Oh, she is definitely related to Evan.

“Fair enough. Sorry, I just… don’t do people, or heights, very well.” Regulus avoided looking Pandora in the eye.

“Why the hell did you get on the ride if you didn’t like heights?” teased Pandora, poking Regulus in the arm. She gave his hand a little squeeze when she said “Don’t look down now! We’re almost at the top.”

Regulus clenched his eyes shut, and probably almost broke poor Pandoras hand. Deep breaths, in and out. Pandora chuckling the entire time, telling him he’s missing out on a beautiful view. He doesn’t care, he can’t look. He vowed to himself right here and now to never, ever, ride the Ferris Wheel again as it continued to spin around and around.

“I wouldn’t have if you hadn’t dragged me on against my will!” Regulus managed to say with only the tiniest quiver in his voice. Pandora was still laughing to herself and shaking her head as she told him it’s their turn to get off and he can open his eyes now, because they’re on the ground.

Regulus opened one eye cautiously, peering down at the ground beneath them as if it might fall away at any moment. When he saw that Pandora was indeed telling the truth, he placed one foot at a time slowly on the ground. His legs shook slightly. Pandora never let go of his hand and she just smiled sweetly at him as she helped him over to a nearby bench as inconspicuously as possible. Smiling all the while.

Looking back on that day, Regulus will never forget the deep admiration he developed for Pandora Rosier. Forming a bond he knew he would do anything to protect.

---

The first time James Potter met Regulus Black, he was fourteen years old.

He didn’t think much of him at first, he was his new best friends little brother, what was there to think?

He did notice the dimples in his face when he smiled though, truly smiled. It only happened once, but James caught it. He wanted to make it happen again. Okay and sure he liked the way the boys hair curled slightly around his ears and tried to stick up in places Regulus clearly didn’t want it to. And how the light emerald of his eyes sparkled under the fluorescent lights of the county fair. And the slope of his nose was nice too. And his hands, he had rings on most of his fingers. James really liked those. But that was all normal, he just thought Sirius’ little brother was cool, he wanted to be his friend too.

It was all totally normal. The way James looked at him in his peripherals all night. Just keeping an eye on him, in case he wandered off, that was all. It was also perfectly normal that when they came upon the game where you can win a pet beta fish, James took his chance because he saw one that matched the color of Regulus’ eyes perfectly.

“Alright boys, watch and learn.” James said, a smile widening across his face as he sunk the ball right into the fish bowl he was aiming for. Turning to the other boys, bag with the fish in hand, James declared “May I present to you, Bubbles!”

“Bubbles? Really Potter, looks more like a Buttercup to me.” Regulus raised an eyebrow at him, a bit of humor in his expression. James thought he was about to see that smile again, he could almost picture the small dimple now as he grinned hopelessly at the smaller boy.

That all washed away when Sirius chimed in.

“Don’t listen to Reg, he’s been obsessed with the Powerpuff Girls ever since we were little. One year he even dressed up as-“ Sirius couldn’t finish his sentence because Regulus had pounced on his back, one hand wrapped around his face to cover his mouth, the other latched onto his forehead pulling back. It only lasted a few seconds before Regulus hopped off screaming.

“You’re disgusting Sirius! Have you no shame?” Regulus looked at his older brother with nothing short of rage, drying his hand that Sirius had licked on his pants.

“Oh right, sorry mother.” Sirius laughed.

“Wait why would it be Buttercup? Fish make bubbles, hence the name… Bubbles.” Peter asked looking mildly confused.

James smiled over at his friend. “I agree, Pete!”

“Well Bubbles wears blue right and Buttercup wears green, so it would make sense to name it after their color. Plus Buttercup was just cooler, it’s hard to go wrong with black hair and green eyes and a bitchy attitude. She’s just like me. But since it is your fish, I guess Bubbles does make sense. A big ol’ vapid, softy with an annoyingly cheerful attitude.” Regulus rambled on.

“Wasn’t your favorite Bubbles though, Reg?”

Another death glare from Regulus to Sirius that sent a shiver down James’ spine. A twitchy feeling below his belt that James was extremely confused about as well.

All three boys stared at Regulus, waiting for an answer. James was still smiling widely, absolutely eating this conversation up. Storing the information, and that angry look, in the back of mind just in case he needed it.

“Yes Sirius, Bubbles was my favorite…” Regulus mumbled, a flush of red crawling up his neck and face. He kicked at a rock next to his shoe, not daring to look up.

Peter and Sirius broke out into hysterical laughter. Grasping onto each others shoulders, half bent over until they couldn’t breathe. James just looked at Regulus, wondering what other mysteries the boy held behind that pretty face. James shook his head, as if it were an etch-a-sketch and he could simply erase the thought by doing so.

No, that’s weird, don’t make it weird, James.

James’ stomach rumbled then, saving him from his thoughts. He threw an arm around Peter and Sirius, turning his head to make sure Regulus was following, as he corralled them towards the food stands.

“Please tell me we’re getting funnel cakes. I think I would sell my left nut for a funnel cake right now.” Peter said, face lighting up when he saw the food truck serving the sweet, fluffy, dessert.

“Alrighty Pete, funnel cakes it is!”

James stood in line with his friends, there were a few groups in front of them. The one directly in front of them was a couple, shamelessly kissing and biting on each other’s earlobes. James turned his back to his friends and wrapped both arms around himself, rubbing them up and down and moving his head while he made kissy noises. He could hear his friends obnoxious laughter. The kissing couple none the wiser, too wrapped up in each other to pay attention to a rowdy group of teenage boys.

When James turned back around to see if he had succeeded in his (totally not intentional) quest to put the dimple back on Regulus’ face, he was shocked to find the boy no where in sight.

“Sirius, where did Regulus go?” James asked, sounding a lot more calm than he suddenly felt.

“Shit shit shit. REG?!” Sirius began to shout as he and James fanned out to look for him. Peter had just shrugged and stuck to his place in line.

James felt his stomach drop a little bit, but that was normal, he didn’t want to lose his friends little brother and get him in trouble. It was also normal that when he saw him a few moments later getting off the Ferris Wheel hand in hand with quite possibly the most ethereal-looking girl he had ever seen, he immediately lost his appetite. Even when Peter walked up, precariously balancing three delicious smelling funnel cakes.

It was all so normal, except, when Regulus looked up and locked eyes with him, the lights of the Ferris Wheel glowing behind him, he looked like an angel packaged up and dropped from the heavens just for James.

He felt his breath hitch and his knees go a bit wobbly as green eyes pierced into his from afar. James noticed the hand not being held by the blonde was gripped tightly onto the plush deer, arm curled up holding it against his body. James wondered if that meant anything at all, then immediately wondered why it mattered if it did or not.

Maybe it was something he ate, yeah, that was probably it. James just needed to go somewhere for a moment and sit, he had thought. Not near that bench though, no, maybe somewhere a little bit farther away from all the lights. James believed they were starting to make him feel dizzy.

Sirius caught up to James, panting from running around the grounds trying to find his brother. James pointed a shaky finger over towards the bench Regulus and that girl were sitting at. Sirius breathed a huge sigh of relief and made to go over there calling for his friends to come along.

James told Peter to go ahead and follow Sirius, using the excuse he had to go to the toilets. James didn’t understand what he was so worked up about. He did actually find a restroom, though and went inside to splash some cold water on his face. He took a few deep breaths and looked at himself in the mirror, straightening his posture. Then James did what James does best, plastering a smile on his face and sauntering out of the bathroom towards his friends like nothing was ever wrong.

Upon approaching James heard Sirius growing frantic trying to get Regulus to come with them to ride more rides before the night had to end.

“Reg come on! Mom and dad said to stay with me. You know they’ll blame me if they find out you ran off!” Sirius was exclaiming, waving his hands dramatically in the air.

Regulus saw James coming up and immediately let go of the blondes hand. She didn’t look offended. James wondered what all that was really about. He tried to make eye contact with Regulus to raise his brow at him in question, but the boy seemed to be looking behind him instead, ignoring Sirius’ rants about their parents entirely.

The air outside was getting crisp with the sun down now, an autumn breeze blowing in. A nice chill running through to his bones, he shivered a little. He heard someone walking up behind him and when he turned around, James knew exactly why the air had suddenly ran cold.

Walburga and Orion Black were standing behind the boys, stern looks on their faces. Sirius and Regulus both instantly deflated as they mumbled goodbyes to their friends without their parents even having to say a word. James just stood there and watched them leave, hoping whatever happened to them tonight, it wouldn’t be too bad.

On the ride home, as each headlight passed, it reminded James of Regulus underneath the halo of the Ferris Wheel lights. He tried to think of other things. How much fun he had on the Flying Dutchman with Pete. But then he would think of the way Regulus had called them all crazy for getting onto that “death trap” and yelled out that he would not be attending any of their funerals.

The way a whole group of sophomore girls had stopped him and Sirius to ask for their numbers, giggling to themselves when they hopelessly obliged. But then he would think of the way Regulus had scoffed at them, mumbling something about “vapid soul sucking leeches” under his breath.

No matter what he tried, his mind kept circling back to seeing Regulus hand in hand with Pandora, whose name he learned after they left when he asked Pete if he had ever seen her before. And apparently, he had, because Peter was just as shocked as James was at the sight.

Peter told him he had had a crush on Pandora since he saw her at the fair with Evan last year. They had went through one of the fun houses together and by the time he had actually worked up the nerve to talk to her, she had walked off back over to Evan and their father. James made a mental note to talk with Peter more about that situation. Maybe he could help his friend out, with absolutely zero ulterior motive whatsoever.

Eventually, when he was home in bed, just about to doze off, he gave up on trying not to think about Regulus Black. He dreamt of Ferris Wheel lights and the soft touch of angel wings.

Chapter Text

You got kind eyes for a control freak
So much attitude without knowing
And all I wanna do is dive into you
From the moment I met you

2 years later

August 2011

Regulus stopped by the produce stand on the side of Main street on his way home from school every Monday. It’s a simple little stand, with a hand painted sign in big red paint chipped letters reading “Moonys Market”.

The stand was owned by a married couple, Hope and Lyall Lupin. They were an odd couple, you never found one without the other. The Lupins preferred to live off the land as much as they could. Having a little house, not much bigger than a shack, really, on the outskirts of town with a huge garden.

Most people in town would call them hippies in a derogatory way, side-eyeing them whenever they walked about town in their too bright clothes, too big grins, smelling like weed and patchouli, without a care in the world because they had each other and that was enough it seemed.

Sometimes, you would see their son, Remus, trailing behind them. Head down, hands in his pockets, and shuffling his feet like he could hide himself away from the stares of the townsfolks if he folded in on himself enough.

He was a tall and lanky boy, with a god awful bowl cut his mother kept insisting on giving him even though he was nearly 16 now. He was homeschooled, so he didn’t really talk to any of the kids in town. Sometimes kids would hang out near the produce stand and taunt him. You could hear their chants of “Loopy Lupin!” reverberating through the small town square.

But everyone stayed away from the Lupin home, claiming they could hear shrieking coming from the shack-like home some nights. So Remus was left alone, no one wanting to befriend the home-schooled weirdo.

Remus was always the one at the stand when Regulus would come by on Mondays to purchase his weekly supply of loose tea leaves and fresh honey. They usually had a pleasant enough interaction; Regulus was from a household that most people would gossip about too.

His parents owned half the town and never let people forget it, swinging their name around for any and everything. Even to keep people from questioning the bruises that would bloom on the boys faces, arms, or legs. So, he knew what it was like to be looked at and judged based off your parents alone.

Halfway through Regulus’ freshman year, they started to develop a friendship. Regulus would stop by on Mondays, and they would end up chatting for an hour or two, Remus offering Regulus the lawn chair next to him on the other side of the stand.

This grew from every Monday to every day after school. Regulus would sit and watch Remus work when people came up, working on homework or reading his book, always with a honey stick hanging out of the side of his mouth.

Sometimes they would just sit in a comfortable silence when there were no customers. That was okay with the both of them, Remus was grateful for the company, and Regulus was grateful for the excuse not to go home right away.

By the time the summer before Regulus’ sophomore year came around, he and Remus had become best friends. It was a different kind of best friend than Barty or Evan, who usually bring chaos where they go. Different than the kind of best friend he found in Pandora, who usually wanted to crack his ribs open and dig at his feelings, trying to convince him it’s not good to always bottle them up.

Remus just let him be, existing together and not needing anything more. They bonded over their hatred of the townspeople that looked down on them, their shared love of classic literature, and their ability to just sit in the quiet of each other’s company.

Remus would occasionally show Regulus the new photos he had taken of the stars, the moon, or the wolves and foxes on the edge of the woods. There were even a few of the only streetlight they had in town, which Regulus didn’t think could look like art until he saw it through the eyes of Remus.

Regulus would show him the pieces of pottery he had thrown at school; he was very proud of them. It was a soft kind of friendship that they both cherished.

Regulus was perched in his frayed blue and white striped lawn chair, both legs folded under him, a book in hand when he got a text from Pandora. She was reminding him about the back to school bash that Rodolphus and Rabastan Lestrange were throwing in their barn that Friday, telling him to bring Remus along.

The Lestrange brothers always threw huge back to school parties, and with Rodolphus graduating this year, it was sure to be their biggest one yet. He had already heard rumors about the massive bonfire they were building.

Normally Regulus would try to make an excuse not to attend, but this year WHORECRUX was playing. Apparently Rabastan had built a stage in the barn.

WHORECRUX was Pandoras baby. She used it to channel all of her feelings into beautiful lyrics that cut right through you and left you bleeding from wounds you didn’t even know you had. She was the lead vocalist and played the keyboard, and his other friends made up the rest of the band.

Dorcas Meadowes on lead guitar, Evan on bass, and Barty on drums. Of course, Barty had come up with the name, and while they all laughed at it at first, it just kind of stuck.

They formed the band last summer, while Pandora was back from her all girls boarding school. She loved it so much, she didn’t want to leave again and give it up. After a lot of convincing and promises from Evan to their dad that he would watch over her, she was allowed to stay. Apparently, their dad didn’t trust any boys around his precious daughter, hence the all-girls boarding school.

That didn’t keep her from secretly dating Peter Pettigrew though, after he had asked her out at the fair last summer in the middle of the funhouse where they had bumped into each other. They’ve been together ever since, although he doesn’t hang around with Pandoras group of friends. She usually goes along with him, leaving Regulus missing his friend more often than not.

Honestly Regulus had no idea what she saw in the pudgy, awkward boy. Maybe she just felt sorry for him.

Regulus really was looking forward to Friday night. While he was happy to see his friends, what he really wanted was an excuse to sneak glances at James.

They had been in each others orbits regularly since they met. His mother was always making Sirius bring Regulus along when he went out with his friends.

As much as his parents weren’t fond of the Potters, they were even less fond of “those two deviants” that Regulus hung out with—his parents had caught him experimenting with Barty last summer, not long after the fair. Barty and Evan weren’t allowed back and Regulus wasn’t allowed out on his own anymore.

Little did they know, though, they were sending Regulus straight into the Garden of Eden, and James was the apple. Regulus didn’t even need a snake to tempt him into a bite; he would gladly commit that first delicious sin all on his own.

But James was straight, and there was certainly no devil on his shoulder tempting him towards Regulus. Of that he was sure. James was so straight Regulus didn’t even think he realized that he had flirted with Regulus on more than one occasion.

Regulus would settle for a few stolen moments of watching from the sidelines. James and Sirius would be, as always, the center of attention. Both boys effortlessly magnetic, with their loud laughs and bright grins. Everyone seemed to orbit around them.

James would no doubt be the first to grab the beer bong, foam spilling past his lips, running down his chin and soaking into his shirt. Regulus would watch as the crowd cheered and James’ tongue swiped across his swollen lips to clear them of any remaining foam. The shirt would disappear not long after. Regulus could see it now, because it happened in a familiar progression at every party they’d been at.

The night would continue on with shirtless beer pong. Shirtless keg stands. All a part of the dazzling show, all for the girl on James’ arm that night. Half-hazard winks casually thrown his way, because no matter who was on James’ arm, he still somehow managed to find where Regulus was sitting.

And it always worked. The girls would giggle. They would lean in closer, hanging off of his arm. But it wasn’t just the girls he affected.

Regulus, still and silent in whatever corner he picked out (never entirely happy to be dragged to these things by his brother), could feel it too. That pull, that heat curling low in his stomach. Teenage hormones, sure. But something more complicated too. Something he never said out loud.

Regulus shuttered at the images flooding his mind as he thought back on those previous drunken nights. Desperate to not think about a shirtless James Potter anymore, lest he get himself too worked up, he looked up to Remus. Watching as he sold the last few green tomatoes in the bin to a red haired pregnant woman, Regulus is pretty sure her name is Molly.

She goes on and on about how they were her biggest craving and she just couldn’t get enough. Remus smiled politely at her and chuckled as he handed her the bag, telling her there would be more the next day if she ran out too fast. She patted her belly and said that Charlie thanks him, then she waddled off in the direction of the trailer park.

“Hey do you want to go to a party with me on Friday? Pandoras band is playing, and she asked if you would come.” Regulus asked when Remus sat back down.

“Um… parties aren’t really my thing. You know that Reg.” Remus looked down at his hands and cracked his knuckles one by one, a nervous habit.

“It’s outside at the Lestrange barn, so there will be plenty of room to breathe. If you want, you can bring your camera and get some really good shots of the moon. It’s almost full and I bet you’ll even be able to see the stars better out in the country.”

Remus shrugged, mumbling something Regulus couldn’t hear.

“Plus, I bet Pandora would love it if you took pictures of the band. You could get some more experience in photographing people, maybe you could use it for your portfolio for photography school.” Regulus added.

He did want to get Remus out of his shell more. Remus would occasionally hang out with Regulus and his friends on the weekends, when his parents took over running the stand. And the Remus he was when he was around friends was entirely different, he was funny, quick witted, and bold. He held his own with Barty and Evan, giving back whatever shit they would throw at him. It always took some coaxing though, but in the end, Regulus knew he would agree to come along.

“Alright fine, but I’m driving.” Remus sighed, hands scrubbing over his face, a slight smile creeping up the corners of his mouth.

Regulus just smiled at him and took his phone out to text Pandora to let her know they would be there.

--

Friday night found Remus Lupin pulling up outside of Regulus’ house at exactly 8:30 pm. His old red truck worse for wear but running all the same. He had his cassette tape with the auxiliary cord plugged into his phone, humming along to Handlebars by Flobots. It was one of Remus’ new favorite songs. Regulus had made fun of him because apparently it came out like four years ago, but Remus’ parents didn’t allow him to listen to music besides stuff from the 70s until last year.

The bang of the front screen door slamming open pulled his attention, thinking it was Regulus he turned towards the house with a grin plastered on his face.

Oh shit.

Sirius Black was standing on the porch, dressed in black skinny jeans, studded belt hanging loosely off his hips. His Senses Fail t-shirt had the sleeves hacked off, exposing smooth, pale skin with every movement. Black hair falling in waves past his shoulders, eyeliner smudged all around his eyes, looking both a mess, and effortlessly beautiful. Like he hadn’t even meant to be, yet here he was, being breathtakingly so, anyway.

Remus couldn’t even breathe.

They locked eyes and Sirius gave him a little wave as he bellowed. “Sorry man! I thought you were my ride. James was supposed to be here soon too.”

Suddenly the air punched out of him, He couldn’t remember a single word of English to respond back to Sirius. Tongue feeling like a twenty pound weight in his mouth. A deep blush filled his cheeks. Remus could feel the heat in his face, even in the crisp summer night air.

Luckily, he was saved from any further embarrassment as Regulus pushed past Sirius and bound for Remus’ truck. Opening the door and plopping into the passengers seat.

“Um..does he… does your brother need a ride?” Remus managed to stammer out. Still not looking away from Sirius.

“Nah, Potter is coming to pick him up soon. Probably got caught up with some girl again.” Regulus grimaced as he said that. Looking a little dejected.

Like he had been summoned, James Potter pulled up in his moms navy blue minivan, a splash of red hair in the front seat Remus didn’t recognize, and the third of their trio, Peter, in the back seat. Head out the window like he was going to be sick before he even got to the party.

Sirius’ laugh lit up the whole block as he ran towards his friends.

“See.” Scoffed Regulus as he puts his feet up and out the open window, looking down at his phone. “Let’s go. Pandora wanted us to help set up the band equipment.”

Remus checked his rearview mirror one more time, getting a glance of Sirius climbing into the van, his shirt riding up a little in the back to reveal a set of back dimples Remus wanted to dig his thumbs into.

This was going to be a very long night.

Remus huffed and stepped on the gas, taking them to the road that led out of town towards the party.

Upon arriving, Remus and Regulus were both ushered out of the truck and towards the weathered barn by Pandora and Dorcas. The late summer sun sat on the horizon, the light making the kicked up dust from spinning truck tires leave a golden haze on the overgrown field. The barn was just ahead, its old red paint peeling in strips, with rusted hinges creaking slightly as the wind nudged the half-open doors, inviting the four friends inside.

Evan and Barty had already unloaded everything into the barn and had started to set it up on the stage. It was a half-hazard thing, made from old 2 x 4s that Rabastan stole from the construction yard a town over.

Remus thought it looked like it was held together by little more than the hopeful confidence of the older boy. He wasn’t too sure it could hold both the people and the equipment, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he stepped forward to help lift the last speaker, feeling the rough wood scrape against his palms as he heaved it onto the platform beside Barty, who gave him a nod of thanks without looking away from the tangled cords in his hands.

As the sun finally dipped below the tree line and dusk melted into night, someone lit the bonfire in the open field to the left of the barn. The flames caught quickly, crackling to life and sending a thick plume of smoke into the air. Sparks spiraled upward like fireflies, casting dancing shadows across the grass. People were starting to trickle in now, friends forming into groups and chattering about the excitement of seeing WHORCRUX.

Remus noticed when James’s van pulled up out front, headlights cutting a brief path through the settling dark. He watched as James and Sirius hopped out, moving around to the back of the car where the last row of seats had been removed to make room for the kegs.

Without hesitation, Sirius grabbed one, muscles flexing beneath the sleeves of his worn black t-shirt as he hoisted it effortlessly onto his shoulder. Remus’s gaze lingered on the sharp line of his jaw, the way his arms tensed with the weight. Remus’ insides fluttered lightly.

Beside him, Regulus was equally transfixed, eyes locked on James, who gave a wide grin towards Sirius and mirrored the movement, lifting his own keg with practiced ease. Then James and Sirius turned and disappeared into the barn, kegs balanced as if they'd done this a dozen times before. Peter trailed behind them, grunting as he rolled a keg along the gravel path, his tennis shoes slipping occasionally on the damp, overgrown grass.

Nearby, the red haired girl darted off across the field, waving enthusiastically to a group of girls clustered under the string lights. Dorcas, her arm slung casually around her girlfriend Marlene’s shoulders, grinned as they all rushed forward to greet each other. Mary (he thinks that’s her name) threw her hands up with a squeal, and the group dissolved into excited hugs, laughter echoing brightly in the warm night air.

Remus turned his focus back to the circle of friends, a pre-show joint was making its way around. For the nerves, Pandora had said. Even though Remus wasn’t sure this wouldn’t make his nerves worse.

Regulus passed the joint to Remus. He took a slow hit, held it, then exhaled, feeling just a bit lighter for it. He passed it to Barty who had an arm slung over Evan’s shoulders, hyping him up with a mischievous spark in his eyes.

“C’mon, Ev,” Barty said, turning to him with a grin that could’ve started a fire on its own. “This is it. This is what we’ve been busting our asses for. No more stuffy garages or Dorcas’ mom threatening to call the cops. Real stage, real crowd, real chaos. It’s going to be hot.”

Evan smiled at that, a little tension easing out of his shoulders. He went to reach for the joint from Barty, but Barty shook his head. A teasing glint in his eyes, Barty held the joint just out of reach.

“Uh-uh, I’ve got a better idea.” Barty teased.

Evan rolled his eyes, but a flush crept up his face. He looked away like he was trying not to smile, but the effort was fading fast. Evan met Bartys eyes as Barty lifted the joint to his lips and took another slow drag. Holding the smoke in his mouth, eyes locked on Evan as he leaned in slightly, both boys meeting in the middle. Eyes half-lidded, lips parting slightly, their faces were too close for casual and the moment lingered, feeling charged. Barty exhaled slowly, the smoke a soft stream curling between them like a secret. Evan inhaled, eyes flickering shut, smoke snaking past his lips.

They hovered in that space for a bit as Evan held the smoke in. Remus wasn’t sure if they were about to kiss, as the moment lingered on a bit too long, but it was interrupted by a clattering behind them.

Somewhere towards the barn someone let out a harsh “Fuck!”, and they all turned to look. Seeing Peter Pettigrew frantically wiping at his shirt, the beer he had apparently been holding spilled down the front of his shirt. He ran back inside the barn quickly, probably hoping no one had noticed.

Evan shoved Barty’s shoulder. “Show off.”

“Oh, but you love it, Rosier.” Barty whispered as winked as Evan’s face seemed to grow even more red.

Remus shook his head, not sure he was supposed to hear that last bit and turned his attention back towards the barn. Secretly hoping he might catch a glimpse of long black waves coming back out.

--

The band was amazing, everyone was dancing and having a great time. Someone had started a mosh pit in the middle and a lot of the older boys were throwing their bodies around, not caring about any injuries they may incur.

His friends looked almost too cool for their own good. Pandora front and center, bright blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, dressed head to toe in Barbie pink. A stark contrast to the sea of black surrounding her.

Evan with his features so similar to Pandoras, black polished nails a blur as his fingers flew across the bass, shirt nowhere to be found.

Barty bounced on his heels, drumsticks spinning in ring-covered fingers. His hair up in spikes of green and black, his pale skin radiating the stage lights. He looked like he might take off towards the crowd to join the mosh pit with everyone else.

And Dorcas, smooth dark skin, long locs adorned with beads and charms, tight black dress and knee-high lace up black combat boots, looking like every man and woman’s dream as she commanded her guitar like it was built for her alone. She was truly magnetic.

Regulus was enjoying himself for most of their set, until it hit him that he should have eaten something before he left tonight. He had had at least 3 Smirnoff Ice’s since arriving, green apple flavor, his favorite. Add to that the joint they smoked before the band went on, and his head was floating listening to the heavy rock sound of the music mixed in with Pandoras sweet, ethereal voice.

He was standing off to the side with Remus, who had his camera out taking photographs of the band playing, the crowd, the floating tea lights the Lestrange brothers somehow hung in the barn setting a perfect scene.

Not being able to get a grip on the spinning in his head, Regulus let Remus know he needed some air, and he would be right back.

Regulus stepped out of the barn, leaning up against the side, taking a deep breath attempting to ground himself. He remembered bringing a couple of granola bars in his jacket pocket just in case, but he left it in Remus’ truck because it wasn’t chilly when they got there.

Slowly, he puts one foot in front of the other and makes his way around the back of the barn where everyone was parked. Trying his best not to get tangled up by the overgrown grass.

Why the fuck hadn’t the Lestranges at least tried to mow this death trap of a field? Regulus tripped over yet another hole in the ground.

As he approached the truck, he heard a muffled sound coming from the car parked next to Remus. Regulus glanced over with the startling realization that it is James Potters minivan, gently rocking and the muffled sounds turning into moans, clear as day.

“James don’t stop. I’m so close!” a female voice screams out. Making Regulus feel the sudden urge to vomit, the lack of food mixed with alcohol and jealously turning his stomach over and over.

He quickly ran around to the drivers side and opened the door, climbing inside and frantically searching for his jacket. Regulus could hear his heart pounding in his ears. Wanting to escape as quickly as possible. When he finds it half buried under the passenger seat, he turns back towards the door and is met with a pair of brown eyes behind foggy glasses.

“Enjoy the show, Buttercup?” James said, wistful grin plastered on his face. Using the nickname he had been calling him since the fair 2 years ago when he embarrassingly went on his rant about the PowerPuff Girls.

“I-I…I wasn’t… I didn’t…” Regulus stammers, he might as well have been caught at their window with his hands down his pants the amount of shame he was feeling right now. A deep red flush creeping up his neck and face.

“Pandoras band? That’s where you just came from right?” A playful look in James eye, as he raises an eyebrow with the questions.

“Yeah, yeah I just, um, I started feeling a little light headed so I came to get some air and grab a snack from my jacket.” Waving the granola bar in the air. “Success.” Regulus cringed and cursed himself internally.

At that moment, the back door of James van slid open, whoever James was back there with climbing out. Red hair a mess and pulling down her skirt to try and look presentable. She walked over to James, putting one hand on his chest and the other on his shoulder, leaning in to give him a peck on the cheek.

“Ah, Lily, you know Regulus, right? Sirius’ little brother.” James mumbled, avoiding Regulus’ eye. Gesturing slightly toward him with one hand.

“I think we had art class together last year, yeah. Good to see ya!” Lily exclaimed, seeming to still be riding the high she just reached in the back of the minivan. “I’m heading in to watch the show, I’ll see you in a bit, yeah?”

“Sure thing, Lils. I’ll be right behind you.” James gave her a small kiss on the lips and then she was off towards the barn, leaving James and Regulus alone.

“I should probably get back, I don’t want to leave Remus alone too long.” Regulus muttered as he moved to get out of the truck.

The sight of James with Lily suddenly turning his stomach. If he thought he had to puke before, it was certainly worse now. He needed to get out of here before he could make an even bigger fool of himself in front of James.

James took a few steps forward, muscular body blocking his path.

Regulus’ mouth went dry.

“I thought you needed to eat something? I’ll hang out with you while you do, if you want?” James’ eyes searing into Regulus. Regulus had to drop his gaze before he got stuck in the tree-sap that was James Potters eyes. But that turned out to be another mistake on it’s own, because now Regulus was staring at his lips.

The same lips inching closer and closer to him.

Regulus couldn’t form a single thought, every neural pathway in his brain being overwhelmed by the intoxicating smell of James Potter. Every steadying breath he tried to take was instead his absolute undoing. The scent of sex still clung to James, gripping Regulus’ insides and twisting them even further. Staring into hickory colored eyes that boar into him like they were looking for something to grab onto and pull him in.

James reached out and took the granola bar from Regulus’ hands, and he let him. Hands large and rough from his years of playing football, slowly tearing open the wrapper, exposing the tip of the granola bar.

Regulus wasn’t sure when granola bars got so fucking sexy, but he was sure he could never look at them the same way again.

Gently, James set the end of the granola bar on Regulus’ slightly parted pink lips, nudging it forward.

“Open, Buttercup.” James breathed out, voice barely above a whisper, but no less commanding.

Regulus obliged, dropping his lower jaw, eyes trailing back up, locked onto James’. He let James slide the granola bar in a quarter of the way until he bit down, tongue darting out to lick a crumb from his lip. James eyes now fixated on Regulus’ mouth, his own bottom lip tucked under his teeth, both boys breathing heavily.

Regulus’ fingers itched to reach out and untuck James’ lip from it’s hiding spot, if only to touch it. Something like gravity pulling them together while Regulus chewed slowly. Composed of little moments strung together over the years since they first met.

The weekend he and Sirius both spent at the Potters.

“I thought I heard someone sneaking around.” James whispered, a playful tone to his voice as he poked Regulus in the ribs.

“Not sneaking around.” Regulus glared at James and squirmed away from him. “I just couldn’t sleep. I have trouble sometimes.”

“Alright well, come on, you can stay in here with me and Sirius.” James laced their fingers together and pulled him into his room and made him a bed on the floor. Then they spent the whole night talking, Regulus not getting sleep anyway.

All the drunk nights after a party James would be in the backseat with him while Peter drove home, since he had his farmers license and was the only one legally allowed to drive. Sirius in the passengers seat, head out the window like a dog.

James leaned his head on Regulus’ shoulder. Words slurring together. Eyes angling up over his glasses to try and look at him.

“You’re so beautiful. Do you know that you put the stars to shame, Buttercup? Youuuu and your halo. So pretty.” James closed his eyes and didn’t say anything else after that.

These moments on replay in Regulus’ head as he stared into James’ eyes. If Regulus’ heart had hands, they would have already broken through his chest to grab James and draw his body closer.

Like a light switch had been flicked off behind his eyes, James snapped out of the trance he was in. Fumbling the granola bar back into Regulus’ hands and shoving off the door of the truck where he leaned. Eyes glued to the ground now.

Regulus ate the rest of the granola bar in 2 bites, desperately needing to get away from James before he did something stupid in his buzzed state. Body still screaming out in protest from the sudden space between them.

“Don’t you have a date to get back to, Potter? Surely you can’t keep the flavor of the week waiting.” Regulus huffed as he pushed himself from the drivers seat and shut the truck door.

“Lily is actually a great girl. It’s different this time. I’m going to ask her to be my uh- to be my girlfriend.” James stuttered out, like he had just decided it at this moment, swallowing thickly, kicking around grass beneath his feet.

Regulus felt like he had been punched in the gut. It was one thing to see the new girl James Potter flounced around every other week. It was never anything serious so Regulus could deal with that type of jealousy. But a girlfriend? Regulus didn’t know what to do with that.

It shouldn’t matter, he knew there was nothing that could happen between him and James. He had come to terms with his massive crush and thought with time it would just go away. But this new information had the ugly, green head of jealously ramming up his throat and out of his mouth faster than he could stop it.

Regulus threw up right on James’ shoes. Bright green and sprinkled with not even digested yet granola bar. Regulus didn’t even give James time to react before he took off running in the direction of the barn, back to his friends, back to where he didn’t have to think at all about what just happened.

--

Peter Pettigrew is a shy boy, shorter than his friends by a few inches, and a little chubbier. He isn’t sure how he got so lucky to be friends with James, but he is glad he is. He knows he would probably not earn a spot at the popular table at lunch without him. So, when he is left alone at the party, no sign of James or Sirius anywhere around, he gets a bit nervous.

His girlfriend, Pandora, had just finished playing with her band and was talking with Lily, Dorcas, and Marlene so he didn’t go to her just yet. He downed the rest of his drink and looked around again, sweeping his eyes over the crowd, still unable to locate his friends.

The urge to pee hits him hard, and he stumbles his way out of the barn to the right, towards the woods to relieve himself. As he is zipping up his pants, he hears a soft moaning coming from deeper in the woods. Against his better judgement, maybe because of his inebriated state, he wanders towards the sound.

It doesn’t take him long before he locates the source of the moaning, seeing blonde hair and muscular build leaning back against a tree, a boy with black and green hair on his knees in front of him.

Peter inhales a soft gasp. Evan and Barty. Peter will never admit this to himself, but he has always found something fascinating about Evan Rosier. Beyond just that he was his girlfriends twin brother.

If Peter was being honest with himself, which he wasn’t, he might say that’s the real reason he wanted to date Pandora, the similarities between the two. Because Peter wasn’t gay, he didn’t like boys.

He didn’t like boys the first time he saw Pandoras band practice and was granted witness to Evan playing bass without a shirt, sweat glistening and clinging to his arms and abs. He didn’t like boys when he imagined himself as the sweat, dripping down Evan’s body and getting to touch every single part of him later that night in bed.

And he definitely didn’t like boys now, cemented in place, watching Evan receive a blow job from Barty in the woods.

Like he could sense someone was watching, Evan lifted his head, eyes locking right on Peters. A small smile growing on his flushed face, a wink, a hand pushed through Bartys hair and hips rolling in, a moan escaping his lips, never breaking eye contact with Peter. Peter felt the hardness inside his jeans grow, twitching, begging for friction. Before he could think better of it, he reached a hand down his pants, quietly, still locking eyes with Evan.

With slightly fumbling hands, Peter freed himself from his jeans and Evan’s eyes finally moved down Peters body towards his hand wrapped tightly around himself, pumping vigorously. Evan thrust his hips into Bartys mouth again and released a low groan. Peter bit his other hand to keep quiet as the sound was enough to push his drunken self over the edge already.

As soon as it was over, Peter came back to himself with a rush of shame, guilt, and anger. He quickly did his pants back up and ran the opposite direction from Evan, out of the woods and towards the back of the barn. When he reached James’ van, he found Sirius and James already there, trying to clean James’ shoes that used to be white but were now stained with something green. He would have to get that story later.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here, yeah?” Peter said, hands on his knees, worn out from the running he did to get away from the woods.

“For sure man. I can’t get these damn shoes clean anyway. Sirius, can you go grab Lily and tell her we’re ready to go?” James asked.

Sirius shrugged and skipped off towards the barn leaving James and Peter alone.

“You alright, Pete? You look a little pale. Where’s Pandora?”

“Ah, she was inside talking to the girls. I didn’t want to interrupt her. I’m feeling a little sick I think, drank too much.” Peter tried his best to keep a level face, eyes darting from James to the ground.

“Fuck Pete stay away from me if you’re gonna barf! Once is enough for me tonight. There are bags in the back, do NOT throw up in my moms van. She’ll never let me take it out again.” James exclaimed, stepping back from where Peter stood in front of him.

Peter climbed in the back of the van and laid his seat back, he curled up on himself and willed himself not to think about what had just happened in the woods.

The next morning, Peter pulled out his phone and saw he had a text from Pandora asking to talk. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, surely Evan wouldn’t have said anything to his sister, right?

His worries were eased but replaced with new ones when Pandora called him after seeing he had read her message.

“We need to break up, Peter. This isn’t working. You ditched me last night, and you knew how important that show was to me. You never want to hang out with my friends, and you don’t support me in the band at all! It’s always about you and quite frankly, I deserve much better.”

Peter couldn’t even argue with her. Everything she said was true, but it still hurt. He tried to tell her he would do better, but she had heard it all before. He gave up a little quicker than he should have, probably, but he just didn’t have the fight left in him anymore. Whatever happened last night had shaken him to his core.

“You’re right Pan, maybe we just weren’t meant to be.” Peter hung up the phone and threw it across the room.

Tears filling his eyes and shame filling his gut he felt the slightest bit relieved to no longer have to play the part of Pandora Rosiers boyfriend.

Chapter Text

It's the brush of my hand in a white hallway
It's the long goodbye that give us away
It's the song that comes on and it hurts the most
It's the kiss in the car and you hate yourself
But the high notes get the best of you

May 2013

James can’t wait to graduate. He never really put much thought into how badly he wanted to get out of this town and away from these people. That was until he had to watch Rabastan Lestrange stick his tongue down Regulus’ throat every fucking day. It’s like wherever James went, there they were. Did they have his fucking schedule memorized and plan to show up just to ruin his day?

It was a relatively new development, starting sometime this school year. James was honestly surprised about it. He knew Regulus was gay, but he was never really open about it with anyone outside of his immediate friend group. James really thought he was over this crush on Regulus, and most of the time he could convince himself he was, he tried not to think too hard on it, afraid of what he might find if he did.

They reminded James of himself and Lily that first six months they were together. Like they couldn’t get enough of each other, desperate for one more kiss, one more touch, as much as they could get in their little moments between classes. They didn’t do that anymore though, James tried not to think about that too hard either.

James was distracted through lunch, his mind lost on black curls and emerald eyes that held secrets he was desperate to unlock. He didn’t even notice Peter hadn’t joined them until Sirius asked if he had seen him around anywhere.

“Nah, not since Calculus. He looked like he was about to barf man. Think he might've went home” James offered, mouth half full of the cafeterias cold, square pizza.

"You told him we were meeting up with Barty and Evan next period though, right? He’s supposed to be our lookout.” Sirius looked more stressed than usual, James is sure he had a fight with Kingsley after the party last weekend. Honestly James is surprised he made it this long. Sirius never dates the same guy for more than two months and they passed that 3 weeks ago. James thinks he'll crack soon. Kingsley may be hot, but he's annoying as shit and James can hardly stand to be around the guy. And that's saying a lot, James likes everyone.

“Shit! No, I totally forgot. It’s fine though, it’ll just be a real quick one and done deal. In and out.” James gave Sirius one of his winningest smiles, because really what could go wrong?

"Alright, well I guess we better go now and get it over with" Sirius swung his leg over the wooden bench at their usual lunch table, he shot a flirty wink towards Poppy, the lunch lady, and she rolled her eyes at him but James could see a hint of a smile at the corners of her mouth.

Soon he and Sirius were walking up to the bleachers near the track and football field from the back of the school. Having left through the side door by the overflow student parking lot during their free hour that coincided with the juniors lunch hour. He knew that’s where Regulus, Barty, and Evan hung out to smoke.

Honestly James should have expected to see Regulus and Rabastan making out, because of course they would be. James was just that unlucky.

Regulus was pushed up against one of the bleacher support beams, Rabastan positioned in front of him with his knee in a precarious place, lips locked together, Regulus’ slim fingers gripped into Rabastans hair.

“Hey! Get the fuck off my baby brother, Lestrange! Didn't you graduate last year? Fucking creep.” Sirius shouted as they got closer. James thanked God for Sirius interrupting them, his stomach was hurting already.

"Had to redo my senior year." Was Rabastans muffled reply as he refused to pull himself away from Regulus, a finger now pulling on the younger boys belt loop.

"Get a fucking room" James mumbled, lunch was now absolutely threatening to work it's way back up.

“Sure, is yours free?” Rabastan called over his shoulder, giving the boys a wink.

“Gross.” Sirius and James both gagged at the same time. Looking at each other, then shouting “JINX!” while pointing fingers. James momentarily forgot the itching feeling he had under his skin. It returned when he locked eyes with Regulus, lips swollen and pink, cheeks bright red from being caught in the position he was in. A slight grimace on his face, he looked down at his feet.

Rabastan leaned back in to kiss Regulus again, grabbing his chin and tilting his head up towards him and flipped James and Sirius off with his other hand as they passed them to meet up with Barty and Evan. There was a lit joint being passed between long, dirty, fingers.

They had a big graduation party planned for next weekend and needed to get enough weed to make pot brownies. James wasn’t huge into smoking weed, but he did like the euphoric feeling he got after eating edibles that one time Pandora had made some for Lilys 17th birthday. Sirius plucked the joint out of Evan’s hand and inhaled, holding it in as he tried to pass it to James. But James wasn’t paying attention, too focused on the soft moans he could hear coming from where Regulus and Rabastan were.

“Sorry man, I think lunch disagreed with me. You got this?” James said, eyeing Barty and Evan.

“Um sure James, you sure you’re alright? We can do this another time. Do you want me to come with you?” Sirius asked.

“I think I can shit by myself, man, but thanks!” James tried to laugh but it came out choked. He ran off back towards the school, passing Regulus and Rabastan on the way out from under the bleachers, willing his head not to turn to look at them.

James knew he really needed to get this under control. It was just a tiny crush, a tiny, unrequited crush, that he has had on his best friends little brother since that night at the county fair over 3 years ago. It would go away soon, it had to. It did for a little while, when he was with Lily, those first few months she was all he could think about. He didn’t have room in his brain for his tiny crush on Regulus.

He could still picture the look on Regulus’ face when he stepped forward to box him in the truck at the party a few years ago. Honestly what the fuck was he thinking trying to be seductive with a granola bar?

Now that he was thinking about it, actually, he wondered if Regulus could have felt how he was feeling now. Sick to his stomach after seeing him with someone else. He did throw up after he told him he was going to ask Lily to be his girlfriend. And he didn’t try to stop him from closing the space between them, and it had felt so intimate to James. He wanted to throw the food on the ground and feed Regulus his tongue instead, even now, over a year later, he can recall exactly how he smelled of green apples. It was intoxicating.

Head spinning, he made his way to his van, once his moms old minivan, across the parking lot, out of sight from the bleachers. He didn’t hear the light pattern of footsteps gaining distance on him until the person was so close he could hear their ragged breathing. James turned around and met face to face with Regulus, obviously winded from trying to catch up to him.

“What do you want, Reg?” James said, sounding angry and exhausted. He ran a hand through his hair and scrubbed at his face. Jealously still raging through his chest, his hands were shaking and he didn’t know how to make them stop.

“Why did you run off like that?” Regulus demanded, forest eyes boring into James’.

“Why does it matter? Go back to Rabastan, you seemed pretty happy underneath him just a minute ago.” More jealousy spit like venom from James’ lips.

“I sent him off to get lunch. Why did you run off?”

There was a challenge brewing under Regulus’ stare, James couldn’t look away. He couldn’t breathe. Every cell in his body vibrating, feeling like he would start falling away at any moment if he didn’t get his hands on the boy he has wanted for years. Pieces finally falling into place for James that maybe this wasn’t as one sided as he thought.

“Because I can’t stand to see his dirty fucking paws all over you, Regulus. You’re everywhere! I can’t walk through the hallways without seeing him groping you. It’s disgusting.”

“Wow, didn’t peg you for a homophobe James.”

James lunged forward at that, grabbing Regulus by the collar of his shirt and yanking him in until their chests pressed together, turning them so Regulus was pinned lightly against the van. His lips hovered close, not quite touching, but threatening to with even the slightest movement.

“Does this feel homophobic to you, buttercup?”

Regulus’ pupils were blown so wide they almost swallowed the green, breath stuttering between them. With each exhale there was a desire so thick he could he taste it. Want. Need. James could feel it radiating off of them both.

Regulus just stared up at him, pink tongue darting out to lick his lips. James’ mind flashed back to the last time they were this close.

The last thread of his restraint snapped.

Their mouths crashed together, hesitant for only a moment before the heat and desperation consumed them. Tongue, teeth, hands pulling, grabbing at shirts, hair, anything they could reach. Four years of tension and buried feelings came pouring out in a kiss that felt like fire in his lungs.

James wasn’t sure how long the kiss lasted, but he knew it would never be long enough. No, he had a taste now and there was no going back. Regulus Black could be the death of him and he would go willingly.

Regulus brought a hand up to James’ chest and shoved off without warning. He wiped his mouth with the back of his arm, a disgusted look on his face, then he spit on the ground. He refused to look up and make eye contact with James.

“Not up to your standards?” James managed to say, his mind still reeling from the feel of Regulus’ lips on his.

How could Regulus pull back after a kiss like that? There was no way he didn’t feel it too. James could still feel the rush throughout his whole body, even in his toes. He was practically vibrating with it. If someone took an MRI of James brain right now, the only thing they would see is an imprint of Regulus’ lips.

Regulus just continued to stare at the ground, face contorted into something disgusted. Eyes going glassy, big, wet tears threatening to spill over at any moment.

“James, what the fuck was that? Why the fuck would you kiss me? What about Lily? Lily fucking Evans. Your girlfriend!” Regulus had one hand knotted into his hair, the other waving around like mad. “Oh my god, you have a fucking girlfriend and you kissed me and now I’m complicit in your cheating. I can’t do this. I can’t believe this.”

Regulus finally looks up at James, red rimmed eyes, puffy and greener than James has ever seen them. He hates how beautiful he thinks Regulus looks like this, lips still a little swollen from their kiss, wrecked over James.

“I have spent this last year trying so hard to get over you. Why did I follow you? What is wrong with me? What is WRONG WITH YOU?!” Regulus was pacing now, both hands running through his hair, yelling at James or himself, or both? James isn’t sure. He can’t stop staring at the hickey on Regulus’ neck, an unjustifiable anger boiling in him at the fact that he didn’t put that there himself.

“Reg, wait. Just stop, okay?” James said, stepping towards Regulus, trying to grab his arms and slow him down a little. Wanting to pull him back in just to feel his heartbeat against his chest.

“Don’t! Don’t touch me James. That shouldn’t have happened.” James stops, heart clenching at the words. He had wanted to kiss Regulus so badly, he didn’t even think about how it could look to Regulus. That he could look like a cheating asshole. Fuck, but he needed to fix this.

“Because of Lily? Because technically, we’re only dating each other to keep her parents off her back while she sleeps with—” James cut himself off there, it wasn’t his secret to tell.

About a year into their relationship Lily had sat him down and told him it wasn’t working anymore. The spark was gone, she was too young, she wanted to explore. James was hurt at first but he understood. He didn’t like it, but he respected her honesty.

They had agreed to keep up the illusion for her parents sake, to avoid the judgement that would come with breaking up and the potential lock down on her social life. So, they kept “dating” on the surface. They did their part, holding hands in public, going to each others houses for family dinners, but the young teenage love they once had shared faded quietly.

Lily needed space to figure herself out, to make mistakes, to feel everything life had to offer without feeling like she had to always think about someone else. She wanted fun, and while James could be extremely fun, she knew James wanted a quiet life. He wanted the marriage and the kids and the white picket fence. Lily didn’t want all of that, not right away, not like James did, she had told him.

Lily was her own woman, bold, complicated, fiercely independent. And James loved her for it, but he wasn’t in love with her, not anymore and not for a long time. It still stung sometimes, when he knew she had told her parents they were going out so she could be with Barty. She had told James about Barty a month after their not breakup breakup. Lily said she loved the thrill, Barty felt dangerous. Something she was apparently lacking in her life.

James couldn’t bring himself to be mad though, he knew she was right. Especially when he looked into Regulus’ eyes, he didn’t think he had ever felt this way before with anyone.

“Yeah that’s super fucking convenient James.”

“Well you kissed me back! What about you and Rabastan?”

“Bas and I just have fun, he knows that.” Regulus sounded like he was trying to convince himself of this fact as much as James.

“Doesn’t seem like just fun when you’re making out all around the school. You two are all over each other.”

“Yeah like you and Lily? Tell me James, really, you expect me to believe that your whole relationship is just pretend? The night of the party, that was just pretend? I heard you two, you know.”

James deflated at that, he really didn’t want to talk about him and Lily, didn’t want to out Lilys secret, but he knew if he didn’t Regulus would probably never speak to him again, and he wasn’t willing to risk that now.

“It didn’t use to be…” James started, eyes falling down to look at his shoes. “We really did like each other for a while there, things were good. But earlier this year she came to me and said she needed more, she had always done what her parents wanted her to do and she needed to see what more there was. I was already struggling with, uh, with my sexuality at that point, and felt myself checking out of the relationship anyway. She asked if we could still pretend to date so her parents would let her go out. I didn’t really know what else to say so I agreed. She’s been seeing Barty ever since… I honestly thought you would have known Reg.”

Regulus scoffed and gave James a dissatisfied look, his arms crossed and his fingers adorned with rings, tapping nervously on his arm. James knew it was a long shot that Regulus would actually believe him, and he hoped that Lily would forgive him for spilling her secret.

“You’re right James, I would have known if Barty was sleeping with Lily, of all people! He wouldn’t have kept that from me. Not when he knows how much it fucked me up to see you two together.” Regulus looked startled at his own words, taking a step back from James.

“Like it fucked me up to see you with Rabastan?” James said softly as he took a few steps towards Regulus. “I couldn’t go anywhere without seeing you two together, it was driving me fucking insane. I’ve been counting down the days til graduation so I can get out of this town and finally breathe without being haunted by you around every corner.”

Regulus’ eyes were red and brimming with tears.

“It’s you, love. It’s always been you.”

James was standing in front of Regulus now, hands softly landing at his waist as he pulled him in again. James slid his hands up to cup Regulus’ face. Kissing his forehead, his eyebrows, his cheeks, along his jaw, the tip of his nose, then finally his lips. The kiss was like a confession, soft and sweet, admitting everything James had never let himself really feel. When James pulled back, he saw Regulus had tears spilling from his eyes, he was shaking his head and backing away slowly.

“I have to talk to Barty.”

“Then come back to me ok? Please, I don’t think I can let go now.” One word from Regulus and James would have gotten on his knees to beg. This couldn’t be something that just slipped away, he wouldn’t let it.

Before Regulus could say anything else, they heard Sirius shouting, “Get the fuck off me!” They didn’t even have to exchange a glance as they both raced towards the bleachers to find out what was going on.

--

Thankfully, Sirius hadn’t bought the weed yet. He was halfway through a second joint with Barty and Evan, back against one of the poles under the bleachers, when he caught sight of the vice principal and the school counselor heading their direction. His heart dropped and in one swift motion he flicked the joint to the ground and stomped it under his boot.

Regulus and Rabastan had already left ten minutes earlier, lucky bastards.

“Mr. Black. Mr. Crouch. Mr. Rosier.” Vice Principal McGonagall said sharply, heels clicking on the pavement as she came to a stop in front of them. “We have received reports of illegal activity happening on school grounds. Would you three boys happen to know anything about that?”

“Nah, sorry Minnie. No idea what you’re talking about!” Sirius grinned, aiming for charming but likely landing somewhere between cocky and suspicious.

McGonagalls eyes narrowed slighty, but before she could reply, Mr. Moody, the counselor cut in. “Mr. Black, show some respect.”

And that was the end of playing dumb.

Minutes later, all three boys were lined up against the side of the bleachers like criminals in a lineup, their backpacks dumped on the ground. Sirius kept his boot firmly planted on what was left of the joint, silently praying that no one noticed the way he drug his boot along with him when they herded them over.

But Moody noticed everything, even with only one eye. How the fuck did he do that?

“Move,” he barked, and as soon as Sirius stepped aside, the counselor crouched down and retrieved the half-crushed joint, holding it up like it was the most damning evidence in a high profile murder investigation. Sirius could picture him like Horatio in CSI: Miami, ripping his sunglasses off his face dramatically as if he just cracked the case.

Meanwhile, McGonagall had found a ziplock bag stuffed with weed in Bartys bag, and Evan’s bag revealed rolling papers and a grinder nestled next to his chemistry textbook like it belonged there. Both boys had the audacity to look surprised.

“Get the fuck off me!” Sirius shouted as Moody reached for his wrist, gripping him tightly to march him into the school behind Barty and Evan, being lead by McGonagall.

“Mr. Black, it would be in your best interest to cooperate with us.” Moody told him.

They were marched across the student parking lot and through the empty halls like prisoners of war. James and Regulus had came rushing in the doors pleading their cases, screaming about how it wasn’t fair and they didn’t even do anything. They were shut up when Moody threatened to bring them along too, promising suspension, or worse.

“We’re fine, guys. It’ll be okay. Don’t get dragged into this, please.” Sirius knew he would be mostly okay, he was free from their parents abusive hand. But Regulus was not, and Sirius wouldn’t have that on his conscience if Regulus got in trouble defending him.

Some time later, Sirius found himself alone in McGonagalls office. The stiff-backed chair squeaked every time he shifted, which he did often, unable to sit still for more than a minute at a time. His knee bounced. He cracked his knuckles. He sighed dramatically at the ceiling.

No one came.

Eventually, he stood up, pretending to stretch his legs, but his eyes were already scanning the room for anything interesting (or incriminating). His gaze landed on the desk, specifically the large desk calender that Minnie kept obsessively organized.

And there it was. Written in thick, deliberate handwriting, circled three times in black ink: Peter Pettigrew – 12:30 pm.

The meeting had been scheduled for just before the bust.

A chill crept up Sirius’ spine at the implication. A random bust? Fine, he would deal with those consequences. But getting sold out by someone who was supposed to be his best friend? His stomach twisted as he stared at the name, a thousand questions forming at once.

He heard voices and footsteps approaching the door and he quickly returned to his seat. He’d deal with Peter later. Right now, he had a different fight ahead of him.

--

“We’re expelled, Reg. That’s what Principal Dumbledore said. That we were lucky they weren’t calling the cops. Fucking asshole said he thinks letting our parents handle it would be punishment enough. He knows how bad it gets with my dad!” Barty was ranting as he and Evan cleaned out their lockers.

Peter had just about rounded the corner when he heard the voices. His shoes squeaked a little with how fast he stopped himself, hoping the other boys didn’t hear him as he leaned in as close as he could without being seen to listen in.

“What happened to Sirius? They wouldn’t let me talk to him!” Regulus sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

Peter inhaled sharply, his mind starting to spin out of control. He laid his head on the cool white wall of the hallway and tried to manage his breathing. He had no idea Sirius was going to be there. It was just supposed to be Barty and Evan. And where was James?

“He didn’t have anything in his backpack, just the joint under his boot, they banned him from walking at graduation and it’s going on his permanent record. He wailed about losing his scholarship until Moody said he’s really lucky since he’s already 18 that nothing worse is going to happen to him.” That was Evan talking this time. Peter could hear the edge to his voice, he was pissed.

“Fuck” Peter whispered. He really hadn’t meant to get Sirius in trouble. He was just so tired of having to look at Evan falling all over Barty every day. Evan, giving him eyes across the hallway. Evan, cornering him in the bathroom and dropping to his knees like Peter had the resolve to ever say no. And still, right back to Barty like Peter didn’t exist. Which should have been fine with Peter, he wasn’t even gay. He never made eye contact with Evan in the bathroom, he never kissed him, never even said a single word. If anything, it was like Evan didn’t exist to Peter. And he let it continue on like that. Getting a blowjob didn’t make you gay.

But today, Peter just couldn’t take it anymore. He had just walked out of the bathroom, after getting off into Evans mouth, and there he was. Draped over Barty like a fucking drunk girl at a party, whispering something in his ear. Barty was laughing that loud, obnoxious laugh that Peter hated so much. He had decided that enough was enough. He didn’t want to see their faces anymore. He didn’t want to be tempted anymore. He was going to make them pay.

He went straight to the counselors office after Calculus and told him everything he knew about Barty and Evan smoking weed under the bleachers during their lunch. Heart almost beating out of his chest with anxiety and rage, he could feel the blood thrumming through his ears. Mr. Moody thanked him and asked if he would come back to talk to Ms. McGonagall during his lunch period. Peter gulped and told him sure, he would be there. He made a quick exit to the bathroom feeling like there were rocks in his stomach, planning to hide out there until his meeting with the vice principal.

He regretted it almost immediately after he came down from the heightened feelings, but there was no turning back now. He met with McGonagall at 12:30 and reiterated the statement he gave Mr. Moody. She thanked him for the information and assured him that no one would know it was him. After he left her office, he slinked away down the hallway to the boys bathroom to hide out again, feeling like he was going to be sick.

Which leaves him here, listening in on the fallout of his irrational decision. Guilt permeating his blood stream. Peter has no idea how he’ll be able to look James or Sirius in the eyes again after this. His chest clenched tight and he had to steady himself back on the wall.

“Listen Barty I know now isn’t a good time but I have to ask you something important and I need the truth.” Regulus said and Peters ears perked up at this. “Are you sleeping with Lily?”

Peters jaw almost hit the floor. Lily? James’ Lily? Surely there’s no way. But she has been acting different lately, and James hasn’t been as upbeat as he usually was. Maybe there is trouble in paradise and trouble was a synonym for Barty Crouch Jr.

Barty didn’t say anything for a beat, then he laughed.

“Fuck no Reg! What the fuck? Why would I ever sleep with Lily Evans? You think I even stand a chance against James Potter? You’re crazy.”

“I fucking knew it. He kissed me then told me that him and Lily weren’t really together, that they were pretending so she could sneak around with you! Like I wouldn’t find out the truth. The fucking cheater!” Regulus was whispering to his two friends through gritted teeth.

“Well Reg, you did kind of sneak into the office and take his schedule so you could conveniently be making out with Rabastan outside all of his classes to see if it would make him jealous. Congrats, it worked!” Barty said.

“That is not what I was doing! This is not what I wanted!” Regulus replied and Peter heard the sound of footsteps retreating down the hallway towards the bathrooms.

Peter was about to turn around and leave down the hall but stopped when he heard Evans voice again.

“Why did you lie to him B?”

Barty smacked his lips and said “I didn’t, don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You are sleeping with Lily. I know you are, I see the way you two look at each other. I saw you the other day, under the bleachers, our bleachers, kissing her!” Evans voice was getting higher now, clearly upset.

“Ev, come on. It's nothing serious." Barty sounded like he was fed up with this conversation already. "You know it's just fun between us. Teenage hormones and all that. Like you have fun with that fucking nerd in the bathroom. I don’t say shit about that.” Barty's biting out the words with a contradicting harshness.

Peter felt his face go white at that comment. Barty knew??? This was not good. This was not good at all. Peter had to get out in front of this. If Barty ever found out it was Peter who snitched on them, he would expose him to the whole school.

“Yeah but you knew about it B. That’s the difference. You haven’t ever told me about Lily. I watch the way you are with her." Evans voice is starting to wobble. Peter feels a curl of jealousy snake around his chest. "I see how different it is from when you’re with me. We only make out, Barty. You kiss Lily. You kiss her like you mean it and you have never kissed me like that.” Evans shaky exhale almost brought tears to Peters eyes.

There was a moment of silence before Evan spoke again, voice somehow even more brittle than before. “I don’t think I can do this anymore. We have to stop. It’s hurting me, Barty. You're hurting me.”

“Oh fuck you, Rosier. You're such a fucking girl.” Barty spat, not a moment later Peter could hear the heavy sounds of his boots retreating as he stormed off.

Peter heard the slide of Evans body down the lockers, daring to take a peak around the corner. Evan had his head in his hands, tears running down his face as he whispered to himself.

A quiet sob and then “I wish I was. I wish I was and maybe then you’d love me back.”

Peter felt sick with guilt, the shame curdling in his stomach like rotten milk, threatening to make its way out of his throat. He wanted to go to Evan, to comfort him and be the one to dry his tears but he couldn’t. Maybe if he were a stronger man, not a scared teenage boy, he could. Maybe he could have done a lot of things. But for now, all he can muster up the courage to do is run back down the hall with his tail tucked between his legs, feeling every bit the rat that he knew he was.