Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Ryugazaki! We’re clocking out for the evening. Do you want to come with us for a few drinks or something? You look stressed.”

The scientist in question looked up from his work with an exasperated sigh. He gently adjusted his glasses and brushed a few stray strands of hair from his face. His lilac eyes were heavy with exhaustion, and he was sure he looked as horrible as he felt.

“I think I’ll pass,” he muttered in response, glancing up at his colleagues with a small, irritated smile. “These equations won’t solve themselves you know. We have a quota to meet, remember?”

A few of the scientists closer to the door chuckled, and the one who posed the question, Kawayama, came up to Rei and patted his shoulder. “I know,” he smiled. “But you should get out of the lab for once Ryugazaki. You’ve done more than enough work and the boss knows it.”

Rei paused, glancing over at the others with a slight uncertainty. He was sure that if he stayed behind to work on these equations just an hour longer, he’d be able to finish them in time. But then again, looking at another infinitesimal quantity might cause him to keel over and fall asleep right there on the laboratory floor.

Rubbing his temples gently, he stood from his chair, closing his books with a decisive frown. “Fine,” he grumbled. “I’ll come with you. I guess I do need some time away from work.” He hung his coat up on the coat rack before heading to the door. “Let’s go yeah?”

With a hoot and a holler from the group, along with some arms slung around Rei’s shoulders as a small celebration ensued, he couldn’t help but smile to himself. “Knew we could do it boys!,” Kawayama cheered, grinning as the group made their way out of the building and onto the sidewalk.

“Oh so it was a goal of yours to get me out of the lab?,” Rei muttered, realizing that instead of sounding snappy, he sounded like he was teasing his colleagues.

“Of course!,” shouted someone from the front. Probably Asai, Rei thought. He was always the loud one. He couldn’t help but chuckle slightly, and felt the tension slowly start to melt away. Tonight was about having fun, and he certainly wouldn’t have any fun if he wasn’t relaxed.

It didn’t take long for the group to get to their usual joint, the one with the dimly-lit space, loud music, and the best drinks. Rei crinkled his nose at the smell of cigarette smoke drifting through the air, but he pushed it aside as he glanced at his surroundings.

“Cut loose and have a few drinks or something,” Kawayama told him, a big smile on his face as he patted Rei on the shoulder one last time. “Thanks for coming Ryugazaki.”

The eccentric crimson-haired scientist quickly walked off, beelining towards the bar with a hungry look in his eyes. Rei could only roll his eyes as he continued to stand there.

He saw Asai already talking to a few women at the bar, probably about his dorky obsessions again. Kawayama was already trying to challenge Ukiyo to a drinking competition, and his other colleagues were nowhere to be found.

“Probably off dancing or something,” Rei scoffed. The scientists all knew Rei wasn’t a fan of bars, but since he agreed to come here on his own terms, he assumed he should at least have one drink.

He wandered up to the nearly full bar, finding an empty stool and sitting before waving the bartender down. After ordering a Torikai, he adjusted his glasses one last time before finally relaxing.

The music was actually really nice; hints of piano and violin notes were mixed in with the heavy beat and guitar of their normal music, and Rei found himself subconsciously tapping his foot to it. I definitely need to get out more, he thought. He was actually beginning to enjoy himself.

That was, until he felt the sudden chill of a drink being splashed against his back.

He seemed to jump several feet in the air, the chill definitely waking up his senses. He whirled around, a snarl on his lips as he prepared to yell at whoever it was that dumped their drink on his back.

But he was stopped in his tracks. The man, or rather, boy (it was rather hard to tell how old he was, but Rei assumed he was a man by the fact he was in a bar) was in pure shock. His eyes were wide and his mouth was in a perfect ‘O’, and it didn’t take him long to realize there was a very angry man in front of him.

“Oh my god,” he exclaimed, quickly running to grab napkins from the bar. “I am so so sorry! I wasn’t looking where I was going, and this man danced right into me and before I knew it my precious Denen was all over you!”

The man continued to ramble on, talking about paying for his dry cleaning, buying him as many drinks as he wanted, etcetera, etcetera - the list went on and on. It wasn’t until Rei spoke up that the stranger finally stopped talking.

“Hey… hey! It’s okay!” The stranger blinked up at him with wide eyes. “It really is okay,” Rei repeated, even though the scowl on his face probably said otherwise. “You don’t need to pay for anything, I’m fine. It’s just a drink.”

The man blinked once more before a smile lit his face up. “Really? Oh good! I thought you would be like, really pissed off at me or something.”

Rei stared at him. So after a freak out like that, he was just going to smile and pretend like it didn’t happen? Who was this guy?

“Can I sit here?” The man gestured to an empty stool, and Rei only sighed. “I’ll take that as a yes then,” he beamed, plopping down on the seat before calling for the waiter. “Can I get another Denen please?”

As he began to observe the stranger, Rei noticed how… pink his eyes were. It was certainly a color he’d never seen before. He was rather short, and had shaggy blonde hair that was screaming for a haircut, or at least a trim.

Lilac eyes scoured over his face to find something that actually determined him as an adult and not a young teen - until the muffled sound of the stranger talking snapped him out of his daze. “What did you say?,” he blurted.

“I was asking you what your name was,” the man giggled. “I also said that my name was Nagisa Hazuki and that it was a pleasure to meet you.” Nagisa extended a hand for Rei to take, and he slowly took it.

“Rei Ryugazaki,” he murmured in response. “It’s nice to meet you too Hazuki.” Nagisa quickly broke into laughter right after he spoke, and Rei began to get confused. What was funny about what I said?

“Hazuki?,” Nagisa snorted. “I don’t think we’re business partners or anything Rei! You don’t have to be so formal. It’s just Nagisa, okay?” Rei just nodded in response. And just how can he be so open and friendly so someone he just met?

A small clink of a glass awoke him from his thoughts (he’d been pulled from thought too many times tonight, maybe he was really tired) and he looked over to see a deep pink drink on the bar besides him. “A Denen huh? What’s in it?”

Nagisa smiled, wrapping his fingers (which were really slender as Rei noticed) around the drink and taking a long sip. “Well it’s Denen liqueur mixed with watermelon. I prefer strawberry, but they don’t have any strawberry drinks here that I like.”

Rei reached over to take a sip of his own Torikai, lips puckering slightly at the taste. “Not a fan of alcohol, or is it just sour?,” the blonde teased, swirling the ice cubes around the sides of his glass with his straw.

“Not a fan of alcohol,” Rei responded, taking another sip as he looked away from Nagisa. What a boring conversation. Why were they just sitting here talking about drinks?

“This is pretty awkward, huh?” Rei’s head quickly turned to see the blonde laughing once more, setting the now empty glass on the bar. “I’m usually more talkative and friendly than this, but work has been really hard on me.”

Ah, Rei smiled a bit. So he does work after all. “How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?,” he smiled, the warmth of the alcohol finally starting to take effect. Damn him for smiling at Nagisa’s cuteness.

“I’m twenty-six!,” the blonde smiled, watching as Rei choked on his drink. “I know I don’t look like it, and I’m not offended if you thought I was younger. Everyone thinks I’m eighteen or something silly like that.”

Rei let out a raspy laugh, coughing once before speaking. “I’m twenty-six as well,” he admitted. “And yeah, I did think you were younger…” He found himself staring at Nagisa’s lips. They were shiny. Did he have lipgloss on or was that their normal appearance?

And on that note, Rei found himself completely immersed in everything this ‘Nagisa Hazuki’ had to say. They delved into a deep conversation, talking about Rei’s job and where Nagisa liked to hang out the most. He had completely forgotten about the drink that spilled on his back, and didn’t seem to notice when his colleagues began to start filing out of the bar.

“Ryugazakiiiiiiii,” he heard someone sing, and his head flashed over to see Kawayama leaning heavily on Ukiyo’s shoulder. “We’re gonna -hic- get going! Don’t get in trouble with that cutieeee!” The redhead broke into giggles, which was Ukiyo’s sign to finally take him outside.

“Are those your friends?,” Nagisa smirked. His cheeks were a dark pink now, due to the several drinks he consumed over talking with Rei, and his pupils were blown wide. “They seem real nice and stuff.”

Rei snickered. “I wouldn’t necessarily call them my friends. We work at the lab together. Kawayama is always trying to get me to come to parties and bars with them on Friday nights, but he always gets too drunk to go home by himself.”

He found himself snickering again. Nothing was particularly funny, but the alcohol was definitely starting to kick in. “Now that I think about it, I should go too. I have work again tomorrow and I have to get up early to finish my equations.” He stood clumsily from the stool, paying for his drinks quickly.

“Wait wait!,” Nagisa gasped, grabbing a napkin and a bright purple pen from his pocket. He scribbled a few things on the napkin before giving it to Rei. “It’s my number at the bottom, and the address of this cafe I love on the top. I’m always there at ten in the morning on Sundays, Mondays, and Thursdays! You should swing by sometime.”

Rei stared at the napkin, then the blonde, and then the napkin again. ‘Nagisa Hazuki’ was scrawled at the top in choppy cursive letters, and Rei found himself smiling. Something about this guy made him want to smile all the time. He was just too cute.

“Of course,” he assured. “How about I meet you there on Sunday? I don’t have work then.” He swore his heart stopped when Nagisa beamed. He wondered why.

“Great! I’ll let Haru know I’ll be having a guest.” Rei wanted to ask who this 'Haru' was, but before he could, the blonde hopped off his stool, and it was now that Rei could see their height difference. “I’ll see you around Rei!”

And then Nagisa was gone, heading into the swarm of people dancing to the deafeningly loud music. Rei’s head started to pound - just how many drinks did he have in the past hour? Actually, how long had he been here?

He glanced at his watch and groaned. It was one in the morning, and he had to get up in four hours. Perfect.

He headed out of the bar and stumbled towards his car. He wasn’t drunk per say, so he claimed he was sober enough to drive. His claim was proven to be true as he managed to get home safely, crashing on his bed and squeezing his eyes shut to block out the horrible headache.

“Tomorrow is another day…”

Chapter Text

When Rei looked at his alarm clock and saw the small blinking seven, he knew he was royally screwed.

He was two hours late to work. He wasn’t nearly as good with hangovers as his friends were (oh gods now he was calling them his friends) and he felt a surge of nausea the second he sat up. He patted himself down and realized he was still in the previous night’s clothes - his back smelled heavily of sugar.

That’s when everything began flooding back. The spilled drink, the drunk friends, the napkin… The napkin! Rei’s hand quickly went for his back pocket, and he pulled out the crumpled napkin with a smile. Some of the purple ink was smudged, but he could still make out the scrawl of Nagisa’s name.

Maybe I should text him… Rei reached out for his phone and slid it open, laying back in bed. There were three missed calls and seven new messages, all from his colleagues at two in the morning.

[Isamu Kawayama - 2:06 AM] yo rei Shiroi ad i finally go t it onnnnnnnnn

[Shiori Ukiyo - 2:07 AM] DONT LISTEN TO WHAT ISAMU SAYS OK REI?

[Shiori Ukiyo - 2:09 AM] I mean I guess I can trust you with anything Rei. Isamu and I just kissed, but we didn’t do anything else I swear. Stupid alcohol.

[Isamu Kawayama - 2:11 AM] nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnjkfkjhgjhfg

[Jirou Asai - 2:42 AM] is Kawayama sending you weird messages too Ryugazaki?

[Shiori Ukiyo - 5:13 AM] Hey Rei where are you? I tried calling you but you wouldn’t pick up.

[Shiori Ukiyo - 6:35 AM] We finished the work and turned it in. Thanks for finishing most of it Rei, I owe you one!

Rei slid off the bed, rubbing his eyes with a groan. He quickly texted Ukiyo telling him he’d be another hour late, because there was no way he was going to work without a shower. He set the phone down on his dresser before heading to the bathroom, examining himself in the mirror before turning the shower on.

His hair was plastered to one side of his head, and he had dark circles under his eyes. Drool dribbled down from his lips to his chin, and there was a red mark on his nose from sleeping on his face. “Good morning,” he grumbled to his reflection, peeling his clothes off slowly.

He hopped into the shower, sighing blissfully at the hot water against his back. He hummed a little tune as he ran a hand through his greasy hair, thinking about the night before. Nagisa certainly was good company - he’d definitely have to live up to his promise and meet him at that cafe the next day.

Rei found it weird that Nagisa was only free on certain days at certain times; maybe it was because of his work schedule. Then again, Rei realized he had never found out what Nagisa did for a living.

As he thoroughly washed his hair and his body, he tried to think of what the blonde’s job would be. Oh well, guess he’d have to ask him some other time. Once he got out of the shower and dried himself off, he saw another text.

[Shirori Ukiyo - 7:46 AM] We have a new project. It’s very very important. Get down here as soon as you can.

Rei stared at the screen for a moment before setting the phone down. “A project huh?,” he murmured to himself, brushing his hair gently with a small smile. The last time they had a project this important was when they were tasked with creating a rocket fuel engine two years ago. He wondered what it was now.

Before he headed out the door, he remembered that his main goal of the morning was to text the blonde he had met the morning before. He quickly whipped out his phone and sent a quick message before putting it away. He was excited to get to work today.

[To: Nagisa Hazuki - 7:52 AM] This is Rei. Just checking to make sure this is your number Nagisa.

Twenty minutes later, he found himself in front of an overly excited Kawayama and Asai. “We’re working with actual astronauts this time!,” Asai giggled, pointing over to Ukiyo, who was on the other side of the room. He was chatting with their boss, and Rei could tell whatever it was was very important.

“Do you know exactly what we’re doing?,” he asked, grabbing his coat and slipping it on before heading to his station. “Or are we going to have to wait until the boss tells is?”

Kawayama and Asai shared a look, Asai still giggling like a madman, and they both blurted it out to Rei at the same time. “We’re going to work alongside a group of astronauts to finish a rocket!”

Rei stared at them for a good minute, as if trying to process what they said. This is certainly no rocket fuel engine. “You mean… a real rocket?” The nods he got from his colleagues made him feel dizzy.

“Apparently, they’re planning a satellite mission for next year, and they’re really tight on time. Their last team wasn’t doing very well so they wanted to hire us! All of us! The manufacturers, the construction workers, even us! And all we do is solve equations and try to create new things.”

Asai was basically bouncing on his feet by this point as Kawayama beamed. “That sounds… amazing,” Rei gasped. He still couldn’t quite believe it or grasp the concept, but by how electric the laboratory was with chatter, he knew it was definitely real.

“We have a meeting with two of the main astronauts next week,” Ukiyo added, the man walking up to them with a gentle smile. “I just finished talking to the boss, and he said he wants us four to be the ones handling the project.”

Rei could feel his heart trying to beat out of his chest. He had been praying for a serious job, something that would boost his morale and reputation, and this was it. Just the fact that the boss assigned this job to him and his colleagues showed how much trust he had in them.

“I’m super excited!,” Asai laughed, jumping up before wrapping an arm around Ukiyo’s shoulder. The group just laughed as Ukiyo shrugged him off.

“Yes, I can tell,” he chuckled. “But we need to take this job seriously everyone. This isn’t just creating a single fuel engine. We have to create half a rocket in a year and make sure it’s perfect. These astronauts will actually be using it to go into space, and their safety is our priority.”

The group nodded, Rei last to do so, and he continued to stand there as the others slowly broke off. Asai just bounded off to his station with a silly grin on his face, and Rei shook his head as the white-haired scientist began to brag to some of the others.

Kawayama wrapped his arm around Ukiyo and dragged him off to their station, the more quiet scientist listening as the redhead chattered on about the opportunities this gave them. And Rei - he felt content. Just simply, happily content.

He sat down and pulled out some of his folders from the night before, flipping through the pages to find where he left off. He couldn’t find it, but then he remembered what Ukiyo had said earlier that morning. I forgot they finished the work. Guess I have time to kill before I get new work for the project.

Rei tapped his foot on the tiled floor and sighed. What he was going to do he had no idea. He then jumped at the sudden ringing of his phone, and scrambled to dig it out of his pocket. It was from Nagisa, and he quickly picked it up. “Um, yes? Hello?”

He was met with a giggle from the other line. “Hi Rei! It’s me Nagisa. I hope now isn’t a bad time, but I got your text and thought it would be a nice surprise to call you instead!”

Rei shook his head and smiled to himself. Nagisa was lucky he was on a break. “It’s not a bad time at all actually. I’m waiting for my boss to assign me some work for our new project. Thanks for the call. How are you this morning Nagisa?”

He heard a ruffle of something in the background (sounded like clothes or something cloth-like), and he assumed the man was shopping. “I’m good! I’m getting dressed right now because woah - talk about a hangover! I’m late to work but I’m sure they’ll understand.”

Rei’s breath hitched and he felt the heat of embarrassment crawl up his neck. He was talking to someone who was probably half naked in his room. Great. “So you decided to call me while you were getting dressed…?”

Another giggle. “Of course! We’re friends after all Rei, so it’s no biggie. Wait hold on - ” The sound of the phone being put down caused Rei to let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. There was a click in the background (a belt buckle?) and then a breath on the other line. “I’m back!”

The scientist couldn’t help but chuckle a little at that. “So I’m already your friend then huh?,” he asked, taking a pencil from his station and rolling it on the table with his finger. “I’m quite honored Nagisa.” The pair laughed.

“Yep! Friends! Anyway, I called because I wanted to make sure you were still planning to come to the cafe tomorrow morning.” Rei stopped rolling the pencil. He hoped this new project wouldn’t change his schedule…

“I’m pretty sure I can make it,” he responded. “I have to see what my workload is but I’ll definitely try to make it. Ten o’clock right?” A confirmative ‘mm-hmm’ came from the other line as the sound of keys rang in Rei’s ear.

“Ten o’clock. Don’t be late! I’ll be waiting for you.” The scientist could’ve sworn he could hear the smile Nagisa was wearing - it made him subconsciously smile as well.

“I’ll see you then Nagisa. Mm-hmm. Goodbye now.” Rei was the one to hang up first, setting the phone on the table with a sigh.

The sound of footsteps sounded behind him and he turned to see Asai and Kawayama smirking at him. “So Ryugazaki has a little girlfriend there doesn’t he,” Asai snickered. Rei quickly shook his head as Kawayama reached over him to grab the phone.

“Nagisa’s her name hmm?,” he smiled. “What’s this about meeting her up at ten tomorrow?” He slid Rei’s phone open and Rei quickly reached to snatch it away.

“For your information Kawayama, it’s a he, and he’s someone I met at the bar last night. We’re going out as friends to get to know each other better!” The two others shared a devious look, as if they were sure Rei was lying.

Rei felt a small surge of anger, and pointed at Kawayama. “And what about you and Shiori hm? Why haven’t you two gone out on a date yet? You’ve already kissed.” He rarely ever used first names in the workplace, but if they were going to get personal…

“T - that’s none of your business!,” Kawayama stuttered, his face growing red. Rei smirked, taking the phone out of his hands and sliding it in his pocket.

“Then that means that whatever my relation is with Nagisa isn’t your business either Kawayama.” He turned back to his station, seeing that the boss was starting to hand out new folders. He snickered as Asai began to laugh at Kawayama for Rei having such an amazing comeback, and was relieved when the two finally left.

The slap of a folder caused him to jump for the second time that day, and he stared down at a large stack of papers. “Ryugazaki? These are all for you. You were requested personally by the board, so I expect great things from you.”

Rei groaned as his boss walked away, flipping open to the first page in exasperation. It was going to be a long day.

Saturday had come and gone, and Rei found himself standing in front of his mirror with a frown. He had stayed up late working so that he wouldn’t have too much to do the next day, and the weariness of his face showed how tired he was.

He held up a dark red button up shirt, eyebrows furrowing as he tried to imagine it on himself. Why am I focusing on what I’m wearing? It’s nothing but a get-together. After deciding he could just roll the sleeves up to his elbows, he put the shirt on and smiled in the mirror. “Looking good Rei,” he beamed.

It didn’t take long for him to find a pair of black jeans and some comfortable shoes (it wasn’t anything formal afterall), and he looked at his watch as he tried to brush a stubborn tangle out of his hair.

It was nine forty, and after looking up the address of the cafe the night before, he knew it would take him ten minutes at the least to get there. He would be cutting it close.

A ding from his phone alerted him that he had a message, and he smiled once he saw it.

[Nagisa Hazuki - 9:41 AM] excited to see ya this morn Rei :D

He chuckled and put the phone away. It was nice having such a wonderful friend. It wasn’t the same relationship as his colleagues, where they were a bit more formal with each other. He was glad to have made a personal relationship outside of work.

Before long, he found himself standing in front of a quiet cafe on the other side of town. There weren’t a lot of people out on the streets yet, and the cafe seemed to barely have anyone in it. He took note of the rustic nature and the jingling of the bell as he opened the door.

“Welcome to the Nook,” a stoic voice stated from behind the counter. Rei looked over to see a man in a barista outfit - his dark hair fell in front of his face as he placed a lid on an iced coffee before giving it to a customer. He dusted his hands off on his apron before turning to Rei. “How may I help you today?”

“I was actually looking for a friend…” Rei began, but he was cut off as some force slammed into his side. He went stumbling, and looked down with wide eyes to see the blonde with his arms wrapped around his chest.

“Rei! Oh my god I’m so glad you could make it! Haru Haru - this is the friend I told you about!” He pulled away from Rei to shoot both the barista and his friend a huge smile. Rei found his breath taken away by not only the sheer force of the embrace, but the looks of his friend.

The blonde had a cute t-shirt on that exclaimed “Swimologist” in big blue letters, and light yellow capris. His bangs were tied up in a little bun, and his eyes were as bright as ever. He looked a lot different than he did the night before. Was this really the same guy?

“Ah. The famous Rei Ryugazaki,” Haru muttered. “Nagisa has been talking about you since nine this morning.” Rei felt the back of his neck get warm, and he quickly adjusted the collar of his shirt before clearing his throat.

“Yes that’s me. It’s good to see you Nagisa.” He turned to Haru with a small smile, not paying attention to the fact that Nagisa was basically pressed against his side, chattering away. “Can I get a hazelnut latte please?,” he quickly ordered. “And maybe a pastry? Thanks.”

And Nagisa was still talking. Rei didn’t know how the barista did it, but he managed to nod and listen to the blonde while taking Rei’s order, and while making the coffee, and while getting him the pastry…

The cafe now smelled heavily of hazelnut, just what Rei loved. He took the coffee and pastry and paid quickly, managing to drag the exuberant blonde to a booth across the way.

“Oooh you got the hazelnut latte!? Those are great, but I prefer the vanilla frappucino.” Nagisa tapped his own cup with a smile. “And look at us! Talking about drinks again just like last night.”

Rei couldn’t help but laugh and nod - he was certainly right. He took a sip of his coffee and smiled (not just because of the blonde, but because the coffee was really really good). “I guess we are huh?”

Nagisa’s smile only managed to grow wider, and he leaned on his elbows to put his face closer to Rei. “So! Why don’t you tell me aboutttttt yesterday morning! Did you have a hangover? I sure did, but it went away quick.”

“I did have one,” Rei smiled. “But I had to go to work anyway, so I fought through it.” Nagisa then posed a question about work, and of course Rei answered. He loved how curious the smaller man was.

It wasn’t until Haru said he was going on his break that Rei realized the time. “Um.. Nagisa? It’s already been two hours.” The blonde looked up, then grabbed Rei’s wrist to stare at the watch.

“Oh wow it’s noon already! Time sure does fly by fast when you’re having fun doesn’t it Rei?” Rei noticed how he tilted his head to the side slightly as he closed his eyes and smiled once more. It was cute.

The scientist was about to ask Nagisa if he wanted to go out to lunch with him, but he was immediately interrupted by a little ding as Nagisa hopped up from the booth and slid on his little backpack. He was looking at his (pink) phone and frantically typing something. “Something wrong?”

Nagisa looked up with wide eyes and shook his head. “No it’s just… At work, we had this huge problem two weeks ago and it finally got fixed. We finally found a new team and Masami just texted me telling me about it.”

Another small ding from the pink phone, and Nagisa looked down at it. “She says our boss wants us to go in for some more training. You don’t mind if I cut this date short do you?”

Silence hung heavy in the air as Rei stared with wide eyes. He felt his cheeks grow hot as he blushed, and he nervously adjusted his glasses as he looked away from those… irresistible pink eyes… “I - it’s fine!,” he quickly stammered, standing up.

“I have extra work to do anyways. I’ll just um - I’ll let you go then.” He looked over shyly as Nagisa giggled.

“So you do consider this a date then! Good to know Rei.” He winked at the scientist before skipping away, saying his goodbyes to Haru on the way to the door. “Tell Makoto I say hi Haru!”

As the smaller man abruptly left the cafe, without really saying goodbye to Rei, he stood there in complete shock. Did he just trick me into saying this was a date…? Curse him.

He shook his head and walked to the door, thanking Haru for his hospitality before leaving. He was positive his face was still bright red, so he stared at his shoes as he walked to his car so no one could see how flustered he was.

There was a buzz in his pocket, and he took his phone out to see the latest message. There were two, but there was only one he really cared about.

[Isamu Kawayama - 12:07 PM] Hey I’m super confused on page 5 in those packet things the boss gave us. Do you understand anything about that molecular conversion stuff? Please text me back.

[Nagisa Hazuki - 12:09 PM] thx for the date Rei! yur super awesome company :)

All he could do was smile.

Chapter Text

Masami Hama was one to put up with plenty of bullshit. But this? Not this.

She sat in a chair next to the KC-135, waiting for her partner to show up for their zero gravity training. She had specifically told him to be there at eight sharp. How hard was it to set an alarm in the morning?

Being astronauts, they had to learn to arrive to training on time. She was always there a half hour early, but her partner on the other hand… He was either on time or just fashionably late. Masami sighed and checked her watch again in annoyance.

The squeak of sneakers caused her to look up, and her light brown eyes met the panicked sakura ones of Nagisa Hazuki - her stubborn, idiotic, yet hilarious partner.

“Masami! I am so sorry!” The blonde halted to a stop in front of her, and she judged by the fact he was panting and sweating slightly, that he ran there instead of driving. “My car wouldn’t start this morning. Please don’t be mad.”

Masami glared at the shorter man (even though he was barely an inch shorter than her) before sighing. “I understand Nagisa. I just think it would be better if you left home early. The Captain told us we specifically had intense training today at eight.”

“I know, I know! But I came prepared. I didn’t eat or drink anything like you said, and I went to bed early last night. I can do the training I swear.” The girl glared at Nagisa for another second before softening up. She couldn’t be mad at anyone long, let alone one of her best friends.

“Well then c’mon then. We have anti-gravity training first.” A groan from the blonde caused her to giggle, and she reached behind the chair to pull out a uniform. “Gotta get in uniform first Nagisa. Can’t let the Captain yell at you again for going in with jeans and a sweater.”

The two shared a laugh. Nagisa had come to training fully clothed in a fuzzy wool sweater and jeans, exclaiming that he had left his uniform at home. He hopped into the KC-135 with no hesitation, but the wool sweater did cause problems…

“I got it, I got it,” he snickered. “I’ll be back in a few.” As the blonde skipped off, Masami could only shake her head. She was definitely annoyed, but that didn’t stop a smile from crawling onto her face.

She opened the hatch to the simulator and hopped inside, sitting in one of the assigned seats as she waited for Nagisa to return.

Before she could peek her head out the hatch to call his name again, the blonde hopped right in, a small smirk on his face as he closed the hatch and latched it shut. “If I remember right, you’ve never done too well in the KC right?”

Masami opened her mouth to retaliate, but soon closed it to realize she would lose that argument. Nagisa just snickered, holding onto a handle on the side as he waited for the zero-gravity to take effect.

“Now, I’ve had more practice in it than you have,” she finally retaliated, only to put a hand over her mouth as the simulation began. A surge of nausea ran through her - how Nagisa was able to float there smiling like nothing was wrong, she’d never know.

“But I have a stronger stomach,” he laughed, letting go of the side and letting himself freely float around. “Plus it’s only for twenty-five seconds. It’s easy to not feel sick for half a minute.”

The girl sighed, seeing that he had a point, but before she could reach up to pull herself off the chair, she felt a swell of gravity occur as the machine turned off. Nagisa, not catching the handle in time, fell to the floor. Masami could only laugh as he groaned.

He pushed himself off the ground with wobbly arms, shooting Masami a glare before standing up. “Oh shut up,” he grumbled, brushing off his uniform, then unlatching the door.

“What’d I do?,” she snickered. “It was funny. We aren’t in space yet, you can’t just take no precautions and float there.” Another grumble from the blonde as he stepped out of the machine was her answer.

“I heard we’re going to have a longer session in the KC after the meeting today,” he retorted. “Let’s see who’s laughing then.”

Masami’s pale brown eyes widened at the thought. It sounded unpleasant, but at least she’d be able to learn to control her nausea more. “Do you even know who’s going to be at the meeting?,” she asked. “The Captain just gave us a place and a time.”

As the two prepared for another simulator, Nagisa places a finger on his cheek and bit his lip. “I think it was going to be a team of scientists,” he smiled. “They’re going to be the directors of the rocket production until it finishes next year.”

“Ah, I see.” A small pause of silence as they glanced at each other; Masami could see the excitement in the blonde’s eyes. She was glad that they finally found a new team - they were unsure whether they would be going to space anytime soon, but this actually gave them a date.

August 11th of the next year.

She watched as Nagisa began their second simulator, and smiled to herself. He was certainly making her excited for this. She couldn’t wait to go up into space with him.

They both trained hard for the past couple of years, and over the years she found herself making a new best friend. He was clever, charming, funny (definitely funny), and just a great person in general. Oh if only he knew...

“I don’t see why you brought a bento to work when I specifically said we were going out to lunch.” Ukiyo sat in his chair, grumbling away as he picked at a piece of ham in his bowl. “Can’t a friend do something nice?”

Rei chuckled softly, lifting some rice to his lips. “I like my bentos, thank you very much.” He chewed on the rice thoughtfully for a few seconds before swallowing. “I can’t find many places that have meals with mainly vegetables. You know they’re my favorite.”

He quickly slipped a carrot into his mouth, glancing over at Ukiyo as he spoke. “I know, I know. You and your stupid eating habits.” His chopsticks traced around the edge of his ramen bowl, quiet as he realized he was no longer hungry.

“Is something wrong Shiori? You’ve been acting weird all day.” Ukiyo quickly looked up at the sound of his first name and sighed, running a hand through his dark purple hair in distress.

“Honestly Rei? I don’t know. It’s just…” He bit his lip, glancing at his surroundings with nervous eyes before looking back at Rei. “We’re friends. I can trust you with anything right?”

Rei glanced up from his lunch with wide eyes. By the tone in the other’s voice, he assumed this had to be a serious matter. He rested his chopsticks on the side of his bento before shooting a small smile towards Ukiyo. “I’m all ears.”

Ukiyo seemed overly nervous, his hands trembling as he fiddles with the edges of his sleeves. “It’s just… You remember what I told you the other night? About me and Isamu kissing…?”

Ah - it was about the drunken kiss. Of course. Rei nodded, adjusting his glasses slightly. “Yeah I remember. Later at work you told me he kissed you because he was drunk?” Ukiyo nodded to confirm before sighing.

“Yeah… He did. And I’ve never felt feelings for him, or anyone really, but today we were talking and he just casually said I looked beautiful. I freaked out of course and made an excuse to leave, and he did seem shocked that he said that… I can’t stop thinking about it.”

Now it was Rei’s turn to sigh. He’d never been in a relationship, so he doubted his advice would help in a situation like this. Oh well. Couldn’t hurt to try right?

“Listen Shiori,” he started. “It sounds like you’re just really confused right now. Kawayama is a close friend to you, and you don’t know how you should feel about all this.” He paused, pursing his lips as he tried to think of what to say next.

“I’d say, if you think you like him, take it slow. Don’t just rush into anything by saying you like him. Go on outings with him - as friends of course - and see if anything happens.” The scientist couldn’t help but smile for a moment.

His eyes grew softer, and he looked down at his calloused hands as his voice grew low. “You’ll know if you like him or not. You’ll feel a warmth in your chest, butterflies in your stomach. I haven’t studied the subject of love yet, but I know that when you’re in love, you feel like that person is the only person you can see in front of you.”

He looked up and tilted his head to the side. “Kawayama is a great guy. I’m sure he really likes you.” Then, silence.

Ukiyo stared at Rei as if he had just magically spoken a foreign language. His hands had stopped trembling and fidgeting with his sleeves, and his mouth was parted slightly in shock.

After a few moments, Rei realized how uncomfortable he felt and cleared his throat. He grabbed his chopsticks and shoved some food into his mouth, trying to find a solution to the awkwardness.

“Rei that’s… That’s really genuine of you.” Lilac eyes rested on dark cerulean ones, and he gulped. “I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak like that. You seemed like a different person.”

“I did?,” he whispered, glancing at the table. Ukiyo was right; he didn’t know where those thoughts had suddenly come from, and now he was just plain confused.

Ukiyo immediately gasped, a smug smile curling on his lips. “Rei Ryugasaki! Don’t tell me you’re in love!” The sharp hitch of breath and blush spreading across Rei’s face just caused him to cackle, slapping a hand on the table as he laughed.

“Oh god - you totally are!” The blue-haired man just quickly shook his head, closing his bento with shaky hands.

“I’m not in love,” he snapped. “Stop laughing about it!” Ukiyo was reduced to tears now, laughing even harder. It was difficult to make one of the most serious scientists in the lab laugh like this, so Rei stared at him miraculously.

He soon got up from his chair, shoving the bento back into his bag and heading to the door. “Wait!,” Ukiyo called after him, his voice cracking as he forced himself not to laugh. He put some money on the table before grabbing his own bag, stumbling over to his colleague.

Rei just walked through the door, face red as he began to head back to the lab. “Who’s the lucky person?,” Ukiyo asked, walking alongside Rei now with a smile. “C’mon you can tell me if you’re in love or not. I won’t tell Isamu or Jirou. I swear.”

After more silence, Rei sighed, turning to Ukiyo with a frown. “Fine. I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m in love with him, I mean I’ve only known him for a few days. He’s the guy I met at the bar. The one I went to lunch with yesterday.”

“Oh, I see. The short blonde kid right?” After a confirming nod from Rei, Ukiyo couldn’t help but chuckle. “I see then. I guess we both have to figure out our feelings don’t we Rei?”

Rei just stayed quiet, walking alongside his colleague with pursed lips. Ukiyo took that as a sign that he didn’t want to speak anymore, and just continued to head on their way to the lab. They had an important meeting to get to.

As Ukiyo and his team entered the building, they couldn’t help but wonder what the astronauts would be like. They had worn some of their nicer clothes, leaving their coats back at the lab in an attempt to look more professional.

Rei was quite nervous. This was a big thing for him and their company; he gulped as he adjusted his tie just the slightest. “Remember guys,” Ukiyo reminded, reaching for the door handle of the meeting room. “Act professional, and don’t make a bad first impression.”

He opened the door with a bright smile, Rei, Kawayama, and Asai filing in right after him. At the table sat a young woman with short black hair and the lightest brown eyes Rei had ever seen. She was wearing what seemed like a sundress to match the summer heat outside.

His attention turned to the man sitting next to her. He had curly blonde hair, supple features, colorful clothes… pink eyes. Rei gasped loudly as he pointed at Nagisa with a yelp.

“You!?”

Everyone in the room seemed to jump at the sudden outburst, turning to look at Rei and Nagisa with wide eyes. Nagisa’s gasp suddenly turned into a bright smile, and he vaulted himself over the table to pull Rei into a tight hug.

The girl stared, looking really confused (and hurt?) before speaking up. “Nagisa do you know this man?” Nagisa instantly turned to her as his smile turned into a beam, and he eagerly nodded.

“Masami, this is Rei! The guy I went on that date with!” Silence. Rei shakily adjusted his glasses as his face flushed red. So it was a date then. Kawayama and Asai seemed shocked at the notion that their emotionless, nerdy friend had a date with this…. hyper astronaut.

Astronaut.

Rei felt faint at the thought. The others had specifically warned him about astronauts and how one should never date them, but here he was, still locked in an embrace with the eager blonde.

Ukiyo had a small smirk from across the table. The expressions of Kawayama, Asai, and Masami were priceless. “Yes that’s me,” Rei finally replied, voice weak. “Nice to meet you Masami.”

He gently patted Nagisa on the back, a signal for him to let go, and took a step back as the blonde obliged and returned to his seat.

As Rei quietly took his seat (and the others did as well) he cleared his throat before placing a manilla folder on the table. “So I guess we’re working with you two right?” He glanced down at the paper inside before continuing.

“Masami Hama and Nagisa Hazuki. Ages twenty-eight and twenty-six. Both have been training as astronauts for several years, and your mission is scheduled for August 11th of next year.” He cleared his throat again, then turned to Ukiyo.

“We are the leaders of the team working on your project,” Ukiyo began. “I am Shiori Ukiyo, and these are my colleagues, Rei Ryugazaki, Isamu Kawayama, and Jirou Asai. We will be in command of all production that will be going on for the next year.”

Kawayama and Asai were nodding at his words with serious expressions, but Rei was in lost in a world of his own. He was still staring at Nagisa.

Ever since his chat with Ukiyo he had just been thinking about how much he liked the man; he came to the conclusion that he had a crush. He’d never believed in anything as illogical as love, but it was sitting before him in a light pink button-up and beige jeans.

Nagisa had rested his chin on his hand, and his rosy eyes flickered over to glance at Rei. He smiled softly before looking back at Ukiyo, and Rei could’ve sworn he felt his heart flutter.

Shit. He was definitely in love.

Chapter Text

He had barely gotten four hours of sleep that night, for the redhead had stayed up all night tossing and turning. Kawayama liked to consider himself to be a confident man, since he liked to talk to people and get right to the point on important matters.

But until one in the morning, he had stayed up staring at his pale blue ceiling, his breathing fast as he broke out into a cold sweat.

Kawayama wanted to finally ask his crush out on a date. That crush was Ukiyo of course. That stupid purple-haired scientist had caught his eye, and he couldn’t help but always stare at every single ridiculous freckle on his cheeks whenever they talked.

He hated holding back his feelings, so he practiced in the mirror. He practiced as he tried to fall asleep. He practiced in his choppy, glitched dreams. He practiced himself into an insomnia he couldn’t shake.

Now he sat at his station in the lab, dark circles under his eyes as he struggled to stay awake. Ukiyo was nowhere to be found, but that was reasonable - it was only four thirty in the morning and no one was usually there until five.

Until he heard footsteps. Kawayama looked up tiredly, expecting to see his boss or even Rei, but lit up when he saw the familiar scientist walking up to him. “Shiori!,” he beamed, his grogginess forgotten as he stood from his chair.

Ukiyo blushed slightly and looked away in annoyance at the use of his first name, clearing his throat before reciprocating the greeting. “Isamu,” he murmured, a tiny smile making its way onto his face. “What are you doing here so early?”

The redhead laughed, voice weak. “I couldn’t sleep. What about you?” Ukiyo glanced over at his partner with a look of shock before joining in with a laugh of his own.

“Same here. This project just gave me a lot of stress and I was up last night reading up on the files.” A sigh. Ukiyo did look rather tired, and Kawayama smiled up at him in understanding.

He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped himself before he said anything stupid. Ukiyo noticed however, and his brows furrowed with worry as he frowned. “Is something wrong?”

“No, no,” Kawayama stuttered, laughing it off with a nervous smile. “I was just thinking of a few things. I’m gonna get to work…” He shuffled back to his station quickly, tears pricking his eyes as he realized he just missed the best shot he was going to get.

Unfortunately, Ukiyo had seen right through him and followed him to his station, sitting on the edge of the desk and clasping his hands together. “You’re horrible at lying Isamu,” he sighed. “Just tell me what’s wrong so I can get to work without worrying about you.”

Kawayama stared down at his desk for a good minute before looking up, biting his lip as he tried to find the right words. “Look, um… Shiori. We’re really good friends and all, and I don’t want to screw anything up, but maybe if you want to - youcouldletmetreatyououttodinner.”

The words came rushed out of his mouth as his cheeks grew red, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he waited for the rejection. “Can you say that slower?,” Ukiyo said tentatively, drumming his fingers on the table. Kawayama’s breath hitched as he realized he wasn’t understandable, and covered his face with his hands as he repeated himself.

“Can I treat you out to dinner sometime? Just the two of us?” He kept himself shielded from Ukiyo as he was met with deafening silence, and peeked through the cracks of his fingers to see his partner blushing.

“Oh. I see. Um... well, I’d love to.” Kawayama instantly gasped and glanced up at Ukiyo, beaming as the purple-haired scientist distracted himself by staring intently at the wall across the room. “I’m free anytime.”

The redhead just kept on smiling, looking down at his paperwork bashfully. “I’ll text you the details later then,” he giggled, feeling ecstatic at the chance of getting to go on a date with Ukiyo. A small confirming “mn” came from the taller man before he walked away.

Kawayama blissfully daydreamed the day away, eventually falling asleep without doing any work. He was happy, and thankfully, no one disturbed him.

“No way! Is that you Rei?” The astronaut bounded up to Rei with a wide grin, looking the scientist up and down. He wasn’t in his work clothes, just something rather laid back, and he thought it was a good look for him.

“Yep. It’s me,” the man smiled back, thinking similar thoughts about the blonde. He was wearing his navy blue uniform, the pants and shirt the same dull color and material. He had on small white gloves however, and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. It was cute.

Nagisa just giggled and poked at the plastic bag his friend was holding. “What’cha got there?,” he pried, trying to open the bag. Rei just jerked his arm away, ‘tsk’-ing the blonde and shaking his head.

“That’s a surprise Nagisa. You’ll have to wait till your lunch break to find out.” The smaller man just threw a tiny, fake tantrum, stomping his feet as he complained how Rei wasn’t being fair. Rei just smiled warmly as he felt his heart flutter again.

Masami watched from a distance, narrowing her eyes as she observed their interaction. They were far too friendly for her liking, and she grimaced as her partner eagerly hugged the scientist. Eugh - it was like they were a couple.

“Well my lunch break is in half an hour! Think you can wait till then?” Nagisa winked at Rei and giggled as he blushed, skipping over to Masami with a grin. “Until lunch, guess we should try out the flight simulator one more time. You go first Masami!”

The girl toyed with her short black hair for a moment before bashfully nodding - she could never stay mad at the blonde for long. She quickly hopped into the simulator, and waited for Nagisa to start it up from the outside.

That’s when she heard more talking. Nagisa seemed to be showing Rei how the machine worked, and she could just imagine the moronic, stupefied look on the scientist’s face. It made her scrunch up her face in disgust.

Masami sighed, trying to relax as the simulation started, and took charge of the control panel as she tried to maneuver her way through the test.

But she just couldn’t get it out of her head. The way Nagisa looked at him. The way he looked at Nagisa. The way they blushed and giggled like lovesick schoolgirls; it pissed her off. Before long, an alarm went off to signal that she had crashed the ship and failed the simulator, and she slammed her fists on the dashboard with a cry.

“Wow,” she heard a voice. The door had opened, and she saw that Nagisa had leaned all the way in to rest just inches from her face. “I don’t think I should let you fly the ship if you’re gonna crash us Masami,” he teased, pulling back with a polite smile as he waited for her to climb out.

She felt furious, and crawled out to shoot a deadly glare over at Rei. He was oblivious to it of course, for now he was examining the KC-135 with interest.

Over the course of the next fifteen minutes, Nagisa completed and succeeded in landing the fake ship, leaping out of the simulator with a holler. “I’m better than Masamiiiiiiii,” he laughed, sticking his tongue out playfully at his partner.

Masami only scowled and looked away. “Go have lunch with your boyfriend already,” she spat, the words rolling off her tongue before she could stop herself. She froze, clasping a hand over her mouth as she realized what she said.

Nagisa was quiet for a good moment, and she was afraid she had upset him, but he was beaming (and blushing) when she looked up at him. “Thanks Masami,” he grinned, giving her a quick hug before waving Rei down and running over to him.

The girl could physically feel her heart shatter. He hadn’t even said a word to counter what she had said. Gods, were they dating? What if they were and Nagisa just hadn’t told her? That was preposterous. He would tell his best friend anything.

But as she watched them walk off, Nagisa linking his arm with Rei’s as he enthusiastically chattered on about a new show he was watching, she could feel her stomach clench as she realized her chance at love was slipping away.

Damn scientist.

Rei watched in (bemused) horror as Nagisa stuffed his mouth full of noodles, the lukewarm broth dribbling down his chin as he moaned. He swallowed quickly before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “This is delicious! Thanks for the meal Rei.”

The scientist just chuckled, watching as the blonde continued to dig into his meal with such an insane appetite that he doubted the small meal would be able to suffice. “It was my pleasure,” he smiled, picking at his own noodles before deciding on a slice of ham instead.

There was a good minute of silence, aside from the sound of chewing and slurping as they enjoyed their lunch. Nagisa then spoke up, causing Rei to look up with a mouth full of noodles.

“It was really nice of you to come watch me train a bit,” he murmured, a warm smile on his face. “I know Masami was annoyed from the distraction but, it was an awesome surprise.” The sudden change in Nagisa’s demeanor (he was usually so hyperactive!) caused Rei to glance away and blush.

He was a man of sincere words, and those just caused butterflies to take flight in his stomach. He wasn’t sure he could eat another bite now, his skin crawling as he tried to force a smile away.

Rei was lost in those deep, sparkling pink eyes, and he found himself drowning. Drowning in a feeling he just couldn’t shake, one that made his heart want to beat out of his chest and his skin hot. He felt dazed, half asleep even, and barely noticed when Nagisa waved a hand in front of his face.

“Earth to Rei!,” he called, flicking a finger on the scientist’s forehead with a snort. “You okay there Rei?” Nagisa watched as the unfocused look left his friend’s face, and smiled when he saw the dark blush on his cheeks. No point in hiding something that obvious.

Rei quickly stammered an apology before staring down at the table in embarrassment. Nagisa could only giggle before resting his hand on Rei’s. He expected a retort, or some snappy response.

What he didn’t expect, was the scientist to freeze and stare at his hand. Then take his hand away. Then lace his fingers with his. Oh god what’s happening!?

Nagisa’s mouth fell open ever so slightly, and he looked up at Rei with wide eyes. He felt the breath knocked from his lungs as he saw that Rei was looking at him like he was the world.

“R - Rei?,” he stammered, feeling heat crawl up the back of his neck. The words Masami said earlier echoed in his head. Boyfriend. Boyfriend. Was that something they could be? Was he in love with Rei?

All these questions began to flood his mind out of nowhere - he had never considered being in a relationship before, let alone love. He had only joked about the meeting at the cafe being a date, but Rei had never opposed it…

Once his name was spoken, Rei had quickly let go, drawing his hand back like he had been burned. “I’m sorry,” he rasped. “That was wrong of me.” He quickly pushed the container of ramen away from him, the chair screeching as he got to his feet.

Nagisa was trying to say something, anything to make sure Rei didn’t leave. He wanted him to know it was alright, that he understood - but did he really?

The words were all caught in his throat, and he could only let out a choked noise as Rei muttered his goodbye’s and rushed out the door.

The blonde quickly shook his head, standing up and running after him. He felt out of breath in just two steps, and tears welled in his eyes as he finally caught up.

He grabbed Rei by the wrist, pulling him back. Rei turned around to whine a retort, but Nagisa silenced him by forcibly grabbing his face and yanking him down into a clumsy, sloppy kiss.

Rei let out a noise that sounded like a dying bird, eyes wide as his entire face went red. He couldn’t find it in himself to kiss back, the shock causing his body to go rigid. Nagisa pulled away seconds later, breaths shallow as a few tears fell down his cheeks.

“Don’t leave Rei,” he cried, bringing the palm of his hand up to wipe away the tears. He was being too emotional, as always. But right now, he didn’t care. “I didn’t think it was wrong! Please don’t leave.”

The scientist stood there with pursed lips. He tore his gaze away from Nagisa and smiled. “So does that mean we can hang out for the rest of the day?,” he whispered, ears burning as the blonde began to laugh.

It was a mixture of a relieved sob and a laugh really. “Yeah,” Nagisa sniffled, beaming up at Rei with a watery smile.

Neither one of them spoke about the kiss for the rest of the day, but as they walked back to Rei’s lab with their hands intertwined, they knew it meant something. Something good.

Chapter Text

There was a light breeze out, causing orange and red leaves to go twirling down the streets. It was starting to get chilly, which Masami realized as she saw Nagisa bundled up in a heavy coat and scarf.

“You look warm,” she grumbled, glancing down at Nagisa as he giggled and toyed with the wool hanging around his neck. She had only come out with a raincoat - oh well.

“Now, now Masami,” he snickered. “I told you yesterday that it was supposed to be cold when we went out today. You gotta listen to directions! Tsk, tsk.” Masami let out a small whine, which only caused Nagisa to laugh harder.

The woman tried to put on a pout, in which she failed as it turned into a laugh. Nagisa’s laughter was definitely contagious. “That reminds me. Where are we going today?” She stuck her hands in her pockets to attempt to warm them up, and almost didn’t notice when the blonde stopped in front of a small, rustic building on the corner of the street.

“The cafe,” he grinned. “It’s cold out, and Haru is closed for today, so he offered that we could all meet up here and have some coffee.” Masami just shook her head and smiled.

Nagisa knocked on the door to the cafe, knowing it would be closed as he waited for Haru by bouncing on his toes. A good minute passed by, and when he realized no one was coming to the door, he frowned. “Guess I gotta use the spare key,” he hummed, bending down to reach under the doormat to grab a small key.

Masami scoffed as he slid in the key in and opened the door, running in and hopping over the counter in order to get behind the bar. The lights soon flickered on, and the woman grumbled something aloud to Nagisa.

“I thought he was gonna be here.” The blonde peeped his head out from behind the bar and pointed at a piece of paper in his hand.

“Haru said something came up so he had to skip. We can make our own coffee if we want! Plus we can take some pastries.” Without any hesitation, Nagisa grabbed several croissants and jam filled pastries from the bakery display cases.

Masami couldn’t help but laugh, sitting down on a stool and reaching over to pluck a croissant from Nagisa’s arms. “You can’t eat the whole place out,” she teased, biting into it and stifling another laugh as her friend complained about the missing pastry.

She looked around the shop as she chewed; she had only been there a few times with Nagisa, and she knew Haru quite well considering he was a closer friend to Nagisa than she was. “Is Makoto okay?,” she wondered, tilting her head to look at him.

Nagisa shrugged as he began eating his pastries as well. “I think Haru just wanted to spend time with him,” he spoke between chews. “You know how lovey dovey they can be.”

“Ah.” Masami fell to silence as she watched Nagisa eat for a moment. She wasn’t here to talk about Haru and Makoto, but there seemed to be a hidden tension in the room. Nagisa was less touchy than he usually was, and his eyes were distanced.

“Are you okay?,” she muttered, looking concerned as she rested her elbow on the bar. “You look so spaced out.” She narrowed her eyes as Nagisa’s breath hitched - she’d hit a nerve.

The blonde quickly stammered some stupid excuse about not sleeping well the night before, but she knew that wasn’t true. “Just tell me,” she sighed. “I’m one of your best friends. You can trust me with whatever’s on your mind.”

But Nagisa looked withdrawn, as if he really didn’t want to tell her. Masami opened her mouth to reassure him it was okay, but he quickly sputtered out what was on his mind without another second of hesitation.

“I kissed Rei the other day. At lunch.”

The world came crashing down, and Masami was falling. She felt her heart shatter, for she suddenly couldn’t breathe without her body shaking. He… kissed Rei. Intentionally.

The silence from Masami only cause Nagisa to tremble. “I’m sorry! Did I say something wrong Masami?” He grabbed her shoulders, the pastries falling to the floor. “Masami! Answer me! What’s your deal?”

Blood roared in her ears, and the silence was broken as she cracked. “Get off of me!,” she shrieked, shoving him away from her and stumbling to her feet. “You’ve only known that fucking scientist for two months! Two months! And now you’re what? You’re in love with him!?”

Nagisa looked absolutely stunned. He couldn’t bring himself to be angry, but out of fear, he quickly slid over the bar to grab Masami’s wrist. “I think I am, yeah! What’s the problem Masami? Please, you should be happy for me…”

“Happy? Happy!? I’m pissed off Nagisa. You’ve known me for years and whenever I tried to get you to go out with me you rejected me! I’m not a fucking fool - why did you fall for him!? What do you even know about that guy?”

The grip on her wrist grew tight as pink eyes filled to the brim with tears. He was eerily silent. “What do you mean Masami? I rejected you? What do you mean?”

Masami just shoved Nagisa off for the second time, this time sending him hitting the bar with his back hard. He winced hard and took a moment to catch his breath, now shooting a small glare at his friend.

“Is it really not that obvious? I love you Nagisa! I have for years and you never noticed all the things I did for you!” The room grew thick with tension, and he felt like he was drowning. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t hear. He couldn’t see.

She loved him. Is that what this sudden outburst was about? He just stared at his partner blankly, watching as her face twisted up with a mixture of deadly rage and pure agony.

“Go be friends with your damn boyfriend already! He can obviously take you out to lunch, and talk to you in a cafe, and… and all that other crap!” And then she left. As quickly as this outburst had started, it was over, and Nagisa’s knees felt weak.

He shakily slid his phone out of his pocket, eyesight blurring as he looked down at the tiny screen. Drops fell onto his hand, and he sniffled. Am I… crying?

Whatever. It was that stupid Masami’s fault for making him cry. He typed out a small message to the one person he knew would listen. It was Rei’s day off too, so he expected he would be home.

[To: Mr. Scientist - 12:36 PM] hey. can i come over?

He didn’t have a response for a good while, but when he did, he felt his heart flutter with joy once again.

[Mr. Scientist - 12:41 PM] Sure. Are you okay Nagisa? Your message seemed weirder than usual. No faces this time?

Nagisa felt himself laugh as he wiped more tears from his eyes. How was this guy able to make him so damn happy after a fallout with his friend? He had no idea. But he had to try and write back a reasonable response.

[To: Mr. Scientist - 12:42 PM] it has to do with Masami. i’ll tell you about it later.

[To: Mr. Scientist - 12:45 PM] :)

He had to send the last message. He wouldn’t be Nagisa Hazuki without a smile.

Over the course of twenty minutes, Rei had boiled a pot of green tea specifically for him and Nagisa while setting out a tray of snacks (daifuku and castella were the blonde’s favorites).

He paced around like a madman - it wasn’t normal for Nagisa’s texts to sound so… boring. Whatever Masami had done must’ve been serious.

As he began to get lost in his thoughts, the sound of the door sliding open and closed echoed through the hall. “Pardon the intrusion!,” Nagisa called, setting his shoes down in the hallway and making his way to where Rei was.

Rei instantly rushed over to him when he entered the room, pulling him into an embrace and knocked the breath from Nagisa. “Are you okay?,” he instantly asked, holding the astronaut as close as he possibly could.

Nagisa didn’t answer at first; he was surprised that the first thing Rei had done was hug him and make sure he was okay. As he peered over his shoulder, he also saw the pot of steaming tea and snacks on the kotatsu in the middle of the room.

On the way over, he had told himself that it wasn’t that big of a deal and that he didn’t have to cry over it. Masami could be very stubborn at times, he knew that, and he shoved the tears aside in an effort to forget the fight that happened just minutes ago.

But now, as he felt a blanket of safety and solace fall over him while pressed to Rei’s warm chest, his arms strong around him, his heartbeat welcoming - the tears welled up again.

His arms came around to hug Rei back, but his hands ended up clutching onto his shirt like he was his life force. Nagisa broke down into tears and sobbed into his chest.

“Oh Nagisa…” he heard the taller man whisper, a soft hand coming up to tangle in the blonde’s hair. Nagisa just kept crying, his wails causing Rei’s heart to break. It was so agonizing to see his friend in so much pain.

They stood there until Nagisa couldn’t cry anymore. His eyes were red and puffy, and his grip on the scientist was weak as he stood there silently.

It was then that Rei let go of him and took a step back. He looked Nagisa up and down before taking his hand and leading him over to the kotatsu.

“I laid out your favorite snacks,” he smiled, pushing the plate over to Nagisa in an attempt to lighten the mood. The blonde only stared down at the cakes blankly, and Rei sighed.

“Why don’t you tell me why you’re so upset?,” he proposed, taking the pot and pouring them both a cup of tea. He slid the cup over to Nagisa, and felt a spark of hope as the man took a tentative sip.

A sigh. Another sip. “Apparently she’s loved me for years and I didn’t know.” Rei forced himself not to choke on his tea, scrunching his eyes shut as he swallowed the hot liquid with a cough.

“She was mad that I kissed you,” Nagisa murmured, glancing back down at the cakes with a frown. “I’ve never seen her so mad.” He quietly took a slice of castella and bit into it, looking up at Rei and searching for a response.

Rei coughed once more before wiping his mouth, then set his cup down on the table. “I see. Well, what are your thoughts on it? Do you um… like her?”

Nagisa gasped and quickly shook his head. “God no. She’s a great friend, sure, but I’ve never liked her that way before. I like you, and I…”

Both men were staring at each other in surprise - Nagisa from the fact that slipped out, and Rei from the fact that he couldn’t believe he heard those words. Nagisa Hazuki, the man he met only two months ago, the man who spilled his drink on his back and went on a coffee date with him right after; that man, loved him.

“I do too,” he whispered breathlessly, reaching over to take Nagisa’s hand in his. “I like you too Nagisa. I really do. I just couldn’t find a way to tell you!” He felt tears of his own prickle in the corner of his eyes as Nagisa smiled.

His eyes were bright again, and the smile he gave Rei was small. It was small, but that smile held the whole world. Rei let out a small laugh as tears trickled down his cheeks. Fuck the ‘dating an astronaut’ rule. He was in love.

“Nagisa Hazuki,” he beamed, still clasping his hand in the center of the table. “Since you already considered the time we went to the cafe a date, will you do the honor of being my boyfriend? Please?”

The blonde just laughed along with him, nodding as his smile grew wider. “Of course I will you idiot,” he sniffled, and neither one of them could imagine a happier moment.

Nagisa didn’t care what Masami would think. Right now, he didn’t want to speak to her. He’d see her at work, but now was about Rei. Rei and these cakes.

He let go of Rei’s hand to grab a daifuku, taking a large bite and chewing on it with a hum. Rei just watched with a blissful sigh. He had always thought love was illogical. He saw now that it didn’t take any logic to begin with.

As Nagisa changed the subject and moved on to talking about how excited he was for the satellite mission the next year, he realized this would work.

I feel like an idiot in these clothes. Kawayama picked at the dark green tie with a notion of disgust. He was never one for dressing seriously, and this suit certainly wasn’t helping. The tie brings out my eyes… He snapped himself from his thoughts with a groan.

It had been a week since Rei and Nagisa became a couple, and Kawayama was more determined than ever to make sure this date with Ukiyo was perfect. He hadn’t told the man where they were going for dinner (he made way less money than Ukiyo but wanted to treat him out to something high class anyway) and Ukiyo was supposed to be arriving at his apartment any moment.

Turning on the sink and wetting his hands, he ran his fingers through his hair to try and tame the shaggy mess that was his red hair, but gave up when he heard a ring at the door. “Coming!,” he called, taking a look around the main room to make sure nothing was a mess.

He opened the door with a smile, but instantly felt a heavy blush creep up his neck at how handsome Ukiyo looked. The dark grey suit, the way his hair was wavy as though he hadn’t thought to style it, those freckles…

“H - Hi Shiori,” Kawayama stammered, reaching for the table next to the door and grabbing his wallet and keys. “I’m so glad you could make it! Ready to get going?”

Ukiyo just smiled and nodded, stepping aside for Kawayama to join him out in the hall. The redhead quickly locked the door and walked off with his friend, trying not to hum as he hid his excitement.

“You never told me where we were going,” Ukiyo mentioned, getting into the car and adjusting his collar. “All you said was to dress nice.”

Kawayama chuckled and started up the car, zooming off with a grin on his face. “That’s a surprise Shiori. I told you - this was my idea, so I’m gonna treat you out tonight.” He didn’t notice the blush on Ukiyo’s face.

The car ride was rather silent, aside from the occasional hum from Kawayama. Ukiyo subconsciously smiled, for he had to admit, the redhead was cute when he was happy.

As Kawayama pulled up to a brightly lit restaurant, men came up from the valet to open the doors and gesture the two out. Ukiyo stepped out with a look of awe as he waited for Kawayama to join him.

“Isamu… Why are we at the most luxurious restaurant in town?” He blinked, stupefied as Kawayama simply laughed. He felt his arm being taken as the redhead led him through the doors into a dim, romantic space filled with quiet chatter and the clinking of wine glasses.

“I told you that I wanted to treat you out. You agreed to go on this dinner date with me, and I know how much you appreciate fancy things.” He quickly told the waitress their reservation, and the two were escorted to a table close to the window. Kawayama sat down with the brightest smile Ukiyo had ever seen.

He was still too shocked to process what they were doing there, so he decided to quietly pick up his menu and look down at his options. He could have sworn he felt his heart stop as he looked at the prices.

Ukiyo glanced up at Kawayama, who was already ordering them a bottle of their finest merlot wine. “Isamu this is too much. I can’t possibly let you pay for this - ” But he was cut off as Kawayama poked his cheek with a finger.

“My. Treat,” he repeated, a sly smile working its way onto his face. “You can have whatever you want Shiori. I’m paying, and I don’t care what it is you want.”

The purple-haired scientist could only gulp and nod, glancing back down at the menu with hesitation. He was really craving foie gras, but the price was absolutely preposterous. He let out a shaky breath as he set the menu down. If Kawayama insisted…

Kawayama on the other hand was watching Ukiyo with interest. “You seem all shaken up,” he tittered. He was resting on his elbows, his fingers laced together as he smiled over at his partner. “Something wrong over there?”

Ukiyo opened his mouth, trying to find words, but his mind was blank. He felt his face turn red as he looked around him - the candles, the fancy wine, the romantic atmosphere - it was all too much for even him to handle.

“I don’t think I deserve any of this,” he finally managed to choke out, watching as a waiter came over and poured them each a glass of dark merlot. He stared at the glass, then up at Kawayama, then back at the glass again.

“You’re right.” Ukiyo felt his breath catch, and he quickly looked up to look at his partner. Kawayama had the slightest twitch of a smile on his face, his bright green eyes sparkling with warmth. “You deserve more.”

Everything stopped for him. He felt his heart race as he brought his hand up to cover his mouth. An embarrassed sound came from the back of his throat, and he couldn’t help but glare at Kawayama and his ridiculous smile.

Kawayama just giggled and hummed again, picking up the menu and scanning over it as though he hadn’t said a word this whole time.

Ukiyo ended up ordering the foie gras after all, and the two shared a plate of Mont Blanc afterwards. Kawayama seemed rather loopy by the time they got to the car, and he assumed it was because of the alcohol. Then again, he had only drank two glasses of wine.

“I had a wonderful time,” Ukiyo confessed, looking over at Kawayama with a smile. Kawayama only had one hand on the steering wheel, the other tapping out an imaginary song on the dashboard. “It was just an amazing um… date.”

The redhead glanced over at him for a second, eyes wide and lips parted as he gasped. He didn’t actually expect Ukiyo to take it as a date. He felt ecstatic.

“I’m glad then!” he blurted, clutching onto the steering wheel as he trembled. “I’m so, so glad. I did so much research, I mean, you have no idea how late I stayed up. Finding a suit that was fancy enough was hard since I don’t own any fancy clothes, and - and…”

As they pulled up to his apartment complex and he went to look over at Ukiyo, he felt butterflies in his stomach. Ukiyo was just staring at him, his eyes confused and his cheeks red. He looked as if he didn’t know what to say. Kawayama grew nervous. “Did I say something wrong?”

His response was Ukiyo resting a hand on his cheek and leaning over to press a hard kiss on his lips.

Kawayama’s eyes grew wide, his heart beating fast as he realized this was really happening. It took a moment for him to register, and when he realized Ukiyo was beginning to pull away, he had to do something. He refused to let this moment end.

He pressed a hand on the back of Ukiyo’s neck, relishing the feel of his hand on his cheek. He parted his lips gently and deepened the kiss with a sigh. Ukiyo smelled like licorice and tasted like wine, and Kawayama felt dizzy as his senses were overwhelmed.

Ukiyo’s hand had now moved down to grasp at his collar, whimpering and trying to kiss back with just as much fervor. He had to breath though, and broke away with a gasp.

Kawayama whined and pouted before both men broke into laughter. “That was amazing,” the redhead whispered, and Ukiyo could only nod in response.

“It was,” he smiled. “It’s just… when you talked about all the things you did just to set up a perfect date for me, I couldn’t stop myself. You, Isamu, are just so nice…” Silence fell again, the two just simply smiling at each other.

Ukiyo found himself melting under the other’s gaze. The way his heart beat, the way he felt high up in the clouds - so this is what love felt like. If this was love, he never wanted to let go of this feeling.

The click of the car door opening caused the taller man to jump, and he looked up, as Kawayama was standing outside the car. “Do you want to come in?,” Kawayama hinted, twirling his keys in his hand as he continued to smile slyly at Ukiyo. “I have castella and coffee if you’re still hungry.”

Ukiyo considered his options. He knew the hinting tone in Kawayama’s voice, and he was more than tempted to go inside with him and ‘have coffee’. On the other hand, they did have work the next day, and they had to wake up early.

He got out of the car anyway, shutting the door and coming around to the redhead’s side with a smile. Who cared about work? “Coffee sounds lovely,” he chortled, following him into the apartment complex.

Ukiyo didn’t reject Kawayama when he laced his fingers in his. He didn’t reject Kawayama when they shared castella, coffee, and small stories at the kotatsu. He didn’t reject Kawayama when he offered Ukiyo to stay the night. He didn’t reject Kawayama.

They didn’t fall asleep until midnight, but Ukiyo didn’t mind. The smaller man was pressed close to his bare chest, breathing deeply as he slept. Ukiyo could only run his fingers through his red hair lazily until he fell asleep.

They arrived at work together, at ten in the morning. No one questioned them as they walked in, and no one stopped to ask why they were so happy together. The look from Rei and Asai surely was devious.

But they couldn’t find it in themselves to care.

Chapter Text

It had been three months since everything had happened. Three months since Kawayama and Ukiyo got together; three months since Rei and Nagisa started dating; three months since the fallout with Masami. It was February, and even though the air was still chilly, Nagisa always found a way to make it feel like the middle of spring.

He knew that monthly anniversaries didn’t really count, but according to his calendar, it had been officially three months. It had been officially five months since he and his boyfriend had met. Rei never did anything on monthly anniversaries, but Nagisa was a fan of gift giving.

“Oi, Ryugazaki.” Rei glanced up from his station, papers scattered everywhere under his fingertips. Ukiyo was standing beside him, small smile on his face. “You have a delivery at the front door. I think you might want to go get it instead of me.”

Ukiyo left, going off to find where Kawayama had run off to. Rei sat there puzzled - now who would be sending him a delivery on a Tuesday? He stood from his chair and headed to the front door, opening it and expecting to see a delivery man with some sort of package.

Instead, he looked down. There stood Nagisa, holding a bouquet of flowers that had to be half the size of him. Wrapped in soft purple tissue paper sat a mixture of lilacs, blue lotus, purple irises, daisies, and white chrysanthemums. Rei was stunned by how beautiful the arrangement was, and gently took it so he could smile down at his boyfriend.

“You have to stop doing this,” he teased, stepping back to allow Nagisa to hop through the doorway. “I don’t know how much longer I can endure those looks from my coworkers.” A pause, then both of them laughed.

The blonde skipped into the lab, waving and saying hello to everyone he passed by. He visited weekly, so everyone was familiar with him and his exuberant personality.

He hummed a little song for a moment. “Nah, I want to keep doing it. I like how you blush when I get you gifts.” As if right on cue, Rei blushed. He tried to stammer a retort, but he knew it was useless.

“I - I do not,” he stuttered. “I just don’t expect them is all.” Of course he expects them. He’s lying through his teeth, and Nagisa knows it. He sighs, going over to his station and setting the flowers down before turning around to get a good look at his boyfriend.

Dressed in colorful clothes as always, Rei thought. He never thought he’d love pink so much, but the giant sweater the blonde wore just proved how much he did. The sleeves went past his hands, and whenever he swung his arms they swung too. Now that he thought about it, the sweater looked just like…

“Nagisa,” he grumbled. “How many times do I have to tell you to stop stealing my clothes.” Nagisa giggled, hopping up to sit on the desk with a cheeky smile. Such a little vixen. An annoying, adorable, lovely little vixen.

“You know that you have the best clothes Rei,” he smirked. “Plus, I haven’t had time to go shopping for new winter clothes yet. You know how busy I’ve been. I mean I could barely even come today!”

Right. Their launch date was in August, and that was only six months away. Nagisa and Rei had barely gone on any dates since November. And besides, the only ones they ever went on were dinner dates late at night.

Both of them were extremely busy, and it was getting hard to find time for each other in the muddled mess that was their careers. Rei had pulled many all nighters, causing Nagisa to grow worried and force him to sleep.

These flowers reminded him that they were in a relationship - that they were in love. He knew it was their five month anniversary, for he kept track (he was never going to give the blonde the satisfaction). They both needed a break, just for a day.

As Nagisa chattered on about the training he had taken that morning (G-Force was a killer according to Nagisa; a stone cold killer) Rei thought of something. He gasped, eyes lighting up. Nagisa stopped talking and looked concerned.

“I just came up with possibly one of the greatest ideas ever,” Rei announced, looking like a little boy that was being presented candy. “Cancel anything that you have going on today.” Nagisa stared at him like he was insane, but took out his phone anyway.

“The Captain is going to be angry,” he grumbled, but texted him saying that something had come up and that he needed to take the rest of the day off.

Rei looked at his watch. It was a quarter past one, which reminded him that he didn’t eat, but that wasn’t the point. What he wanted to do wouldn’t take long, but he could lengthen it somehow.

“I’m clocking out for the day!,” he called to the back office, Ukiyo peeking his head out and giving him a thumbs up of approval. Rei quickly dumped out the dying flowers that Nagisa gave him a few weeks ago, refilled the vase with water and put the new flowers in it’s place. Now he was ready.

“Come with me,” he said, taking Nagisa’s hand and dragging him to the front door. He hung his coat up on the rack before walking out into the cold, looking for his car. He hardly noticed how Nagisa kept asking him where they were going in such a hurry.

He would explain in the car. Yeah. No. He’d explain when they got there. That was a much better solution. He opened the door for the blonde before going around to the driver’s side. He hadn’t felt this excited in a long time.

“Can you just tell me where we’re going!?,” Nagisa wailed, pouting over at Rei as they took off down the street. Rei just smiled and chuckled. “No fairrrrrrrrrr. You’re so mean to me Rei.”

He joined in with a little giggle of his own. He had to admit, he liked this side of Rei. It wasn’t often that they were spontaneous in doing something - it always involved severe planning, timing, price counts; all that boring stuff.

Nagisa tried to get a good look of their surroundings. They had passed by the Nook, so they weren’t going out for coffee. They had passed by the restaurant Rei loved so much - no lunch date for them.

As he tried to think of other places that Rei would be willing to take him to, the car stopped. They were in a dark parking garage (how Nagisa hadn’t noticed till now was baffling) and Rei was still smiling. “I think we should spend the rest of our day here,” he beamed, coming around to help Nagisa out of the car.

Now that he thought about it, Nagisa knew this parking garage. There were sea creatures spraypainted on the walls, each one holding a number that told what floor they were on. Sea creatures. Sea creatures…

He gasped and clapped his hands together loudly. “Rei! Did you take me to the aquarium!?” His response was just a simple nod, and he leaped over to pull Rei into a bone crushing hug. “Oh gosh - I haven’t been here since I was little!”

It was one of the biggest aquariums (and one of the only ones) in the city. It wasn’t big enough to house whales or dolphins however, but sunfish and sharks weren’t hard to find there.

Before it could even sink in, Nagisa had a paper band wrapped around his wrist (a ticket) and a program in his hands. He was standing in front of the first exhibit he could spot. It was a small tank filled with crabs, and he giggled as he watched a few fight.

“Rei come look at this,” he snickered, pulling Rei down by the collar to see the crabs. “Doesn’t it look like they’re fighting in slow motion? The water must be slowing their little punches down.” Rei let out a real, bellowing laugh. Nagisa felt chills go up his spine.

“You’re right,” the taller man grinned. “It really does look like slow motion.” He ruffled Nagisa’s hair while standing up, telling him he was silly and that he loved him. Nagisa smiled blissfully at the feeling of his fingers in his hair.

This was real. They were actually here. This wasn’t a Skype date, or a little visit to his office, or a dinner where they were falling asleep at the table. Rei was letting him pull him down the hallway, fingers laced together as they pointed at the most interesting and beautiful fish.

They took their time, spending ten minutes at one exhibit and twenty at another. They made games out of what fish they could see, and people stared at them whenever they laughed too loud. Not once did they let go of each other’s hand.

Rei spotted an exhibit out of the corner of his eye and smiled, clasping a hand over Nagisa’s eyes and dragging him over to it. “Oh hush up already,” he argued as Nagisa complained and tried to pull his hand off. “You’ll love this.”

He placed Nagisa in front of him, before leaning down and whispering in his ear. “Ready…?” Nagisa couldn’t find the words to respond. He was stuck there, nailed to the floor from just that one simple word. Damn, he had to be under a spell. What was going on with him today?

Rei took his hand away from his eyes anyway, and he squinted against the lights before seeing the animals in front of him. “Penguins!,” he squealed, pressing up against the glass as though he could get any closer.

“That’s a rockhopper penguin,” he grinned, pointing at one in the water. “Ooh, ooh! And those are adelie penguins over there!” He kept exclaiming which penguins were which, but Rei would only sigh and watch.

He looked around. The aquarium was silent, and most people were at the new sunfish exhibit down the hall. Anyone in the same room as them were quiet and observing the fish on the other side, not the penguins.

Rei came up behind Nagisa quietly, hands sliding around his slim waist to rest on his stomach. He felt Nagisa tense up, as the blonde hadn’t expected it. Rei rested his chin on the shorter man’s head. His shampoo was different - it smelled tropical this time. He liked it.

After a few moments of no sound, he frowned. “Keep going,” he whispered. “I’m still listening.” He felt the blonde jump a bit, then relax in his arms.

“Right!,” he rasped. “Penguins. Um… as I was saying, did you know that the adelie penguin gives pebbles to its mate?” Rei smiled softly. An astronaut knowing all these facts about penguins, and strawberries, and flowers, and other little things… it was cute.

“That’s interesting,” he murmured, pressing a kiss on the top of his head. “What else?” He couldn’t hold back a snort as Nagisa tried to continue, but his voice came out in a garbled mess instead. That was his signal to let go, and he stepped back from the blonde.

He was surprised when Nagisa actually made a small noise, as though he didn’t want Rei to move away. “It’s been a few hours,” he smiled, Nagisa continuing to stand still and look at the penguin exhibit. “What do you think about an early dinner?”

It took a good moment for Nagisa to register that he was being talked to, and he quickly turned around to give Rei a small, awkward smile. Rei noticed and chuckled. He wasn’t going to comment on it.

“An early dinner sounds great,” the blonde replied, hopping over to stand at the scientist’s side. “Is there somewhere you wanna go?” Nagisa proceeded to list off Rei’s favorite restaurants and cafes - Rei was surprised he remembered all of them.

“Actually Nagisa, I was wondering if you’d like to pick today.” He smiled gently down at the smaller man as he let out a small ‘oh’. “We always go to my picks. It’s your turn.” Today was about him.

They began to make their way to the exit of the aquarium, Nagisa rattling off a list of places they go could for dinner. They stopped by the gift shop for a quick peek - they both got matching penguin keychains.

“How about the deli that’s down the street from my place?,” Nagisa asked. “No wait, you’ve never been down there. You wouldn’t know what they serve.”

“Well if you want to go there we can,” Rei said. “I’m willing to try new things. All you have to do is tell me how to get there.” He felt a swell of satisfaction as Nagisa lit up. Based on the sandwiches Nagisa said they served, it didn’t sound too interesting.

Half an hour later, Rei could’ve sworn he was biting into the most delicious sandwich he’d ever had. “Nagisa - this is spectacular,” he gasped before taking another bite. Nagisa could only laugh before reaching out to grab his glass of momoshu. He took a long sip before pointing at Rei’s sandwich.

“I told you that was the best one here. You didn’t believe me.” He smirked as Rei mumbled a retort through his full mouth. “Ah ah Rei. Don’t talk with your mouth full.” Rei growled. Nagisa giggled.

Rei swallowed so that he’d be able to talk, and eyed the glass in Nagisa’s hand as he spoke. “Momoshu huh?,” he asked. “Do you think you should be drinking alcohol when you have training early in the morning tomorrow?” He frowned as Nagisa shrugged.

“To be honest, I hate going to training nowadays. I don’t like having to face Masami every day you know?” Ah. Right. Rei had nearly forgotten about her. Whenever he went to visit Nagisa, she always avoided them, so he hadn’t seen the girl in the past three months.

“Have you tried apologizing to her yet?,” Rei asked, hoping he wasn’t prying too much. He took a big bite of his sandwich as Nagisa didn’t respond. He took it as a no, that the blonde hadn’t apologized to his friend.

Nagisa shuffled his feet on the floor, tapping his pointer finger on his glass. “I haven’t had time… Plus, whenever I try to talk to her about something other than work, she shuts me down. I guess I really hurt her, huh?”

Rei sighed, reaching across to take Nagisa’s free hand and rub his thumb over it. Nagisa looked up at him with a pained expression. “Why don’t you just catch her when she isn’t expecting it? Then she can’t reject you.” Reject. That word. Nagisa cringed.

Masami thought he had rejected her when he fell in love Rei. It wasn’t his fault though - he hadn’t ever seen the appeal in girls, and he distinctly remembered telling Masami that when they had first become friends.

He shook his head and quickly downed the rest of his drink. Why was he even talking about her? This was his date with Rei - he was ruining it with talking about his problems. Nagisa looked up at Rei and put on a big smile, a real one.

“I’ll worry about it later Rei,” he murmured. “But right now, this is our date. We haven’t spent this much time together since Christmas.” He paused before adding something with a hushed voice. “I want to do as much as I can while I’m here with you.”

He meant for the next six months, he wanted to do whatever he could with Rei. He didn’t know how long the mission would take, just how long it should take. Spending a year up on a satellite and taking down notes would be horrible without his boyfriend there.

Rei heavily blushed at his words, bringing a hand up to cover his face as he looked away. “I have an idea!,” Nagisa continued, bouncing in his seat. “Since my place is just down the street, why don’t you stay the night?” If Rei could blush harder, he would.

Nagisa had stayed over at Rei’s apartment plenty of times, but it was always just to get him to take a break and sleep. Rei found something intimate and trusting to be invited over to Nagisa’s house. Nagisa didn’t notice how flustered he was.

“Sure,” Rei managed to choke out, trying to compose himself as he (fake) coughed into his hand. “I don’t have any extra clothes with me though; I’ll have to go home and grab some - ” He broke off as Nagisa began to laugh.

“No way silly. You’ve been spontaneous all day - let’s just go straight to my place after we finish eating! You can always change back at home before you go to work tomorrow.” Rei debated it in his mind, weighing out his options, but finally agreed with Nagisa with a nod and a sigh.

Nagisa let out a holler of success as he shot a fistbumb up into the air. “Awesome!” Rei sighed, looking down at the last few bites of his sandwich with a scowl. This guy was able to convince him to do anything. Such a vixen.

The pair had soon finished their sandwiches, and Rei offered to pay for the meal. It obviously made Nagisa flustered - he wasn’t used to being treated out like this.

Rei quickly drove them over to Nagisa’s apartment complex. Since it was just down the street, it barely took any time at all, and he soon found himself in the doorway of a large apartment. “Wow,” he gasped. “This place is amazing.” It was rather large for the title of ‘apartment’, with two bedrooms, a large living room, and a good sized kitchen.

“I know right?,” Nagisa beamed, taking off his shoes and socks and leaving them at the door. “Being an astronaut pays well. I mean, we won’t get most of our pay until after the mission, but they pay us for the effort we put in.”

Nagisa went over and collapsed on his couch, legs dangling over the edge. Rei took off his shoes before heading over. He stared at Nagisa’s legs. He wondered…

The blonde instantly tensed up as Rei gently tickled his feet, trying not to squirm on the couch and let Rei know that he was ticklish. Rei’s fingers moved on from his feet to behind his legs, then his hips, then his stomach.

Nagisa had to let out a snort, then a loud laugh. His stomach was certainly the most sensitive, and Rei smirked. “Oh so you’re ticklish here huh? Nice to know.” He lifted the large sweater so he could have access to his stomach, snickering as Nagisa began howling with laughter.

“R - Re - i! Stop itttttttt!” Rei tickled him for a good few minutes, making sure to pin him down so that he couldn’t get hit in the face by his flailing limbs. He eventually stopped, allowing Nagisa to breathe, and it took him a good moment to realize the awkward position they were in.

His hand was pressed firmly on Nagisa’s stomach, the other pinning his wrists against the couch above his head. His face was inches from Nagisa’s, and his leg was in between the smaller man’s legs.

Nagisa’s face was flushed, tears in the corners of his eyes as his last laugh died out. He finally opened his eyes, which were glassy, and let out a sigh. Rei tried to hold back, he really did, but seeing Nagisa like this brought the butterflies back.

He leaned down to pull Nagisa into a deep kiss, taking the blonde completely by surprise. He let out a squeak, looking up at Rei with wide eyes, before giving in and melting into the kiss.

Rei smirked against his lips, letting go of the grip on his wrists and using that hand to cup his cheek gently. The other hand, still on Nagisa’s stomach, slowly snaked it’s way up under the sweater. He chuckled as he felt Nagisa’s breath hitch.

Nagisa broke away, looking up at Rei with a desperate look. His eyes were bright, pupils blown wide with lust, lips swollen and parted ever so slightly. Rei thought he was the most beautiful man in the whole world.

He felt a predatory feeling come over him, and he pressed another hard kiss onto the blonde’s lips with a growl. Nagisa squirmed under him, reacting to the slightest touches of Rei’s hands. He let out a whine as Rei broke away to pull off his sweater - it was in the way.

The taller man’s lips latched on Nagisa’s neck and roughly sucked the skin there. Nagisa could only part his lips in a silent moan as he tilted his neck back for his boyfriend to have better access. He then realized where this was going.

“Wait, Rei…,” he gasped, skin hot and face flushed as Rei’s hand started to wander down. “Rei… Not here.” He had always imagined their first time to be more… romantic, and doing it on the couch wasn’t what he’d call romantic.

Rei pulled away, stopping in his tracks and looking down at Nagisa with a worried glance. Had he done something wrong? Nagisa was trembling underneath him, his breaths shaky. “Not here,” he repeated, sliding out from under Rei and getting to his feet. “Come on…” He held out his hand for Rei to take. He took it. They went to Nagisa’s bedroom.

They made love for the first time in the dark. It was awkward, different, new - but it was amazing. As Nagisa’s naked form pressed up against Rei as he slept, the scientist couldn’t help but smile. He curled up against the blonde and fell into a deep sleep.

The next morning, Rei woke to see the sun shining brightly through the window. He was oddly cold, and pulled the blankets around himself to warm himself up. He then realized they weren’t his blankets, and shot up. Nagisa wasn’t there, but he was still in his bedroom.

The scientist looked over at the clock. It was eight in the morning. Shit. He was late to work. Rei immediately hopped up from bed, looking for his clothes (they were scattered all over the room) and putting them on. He took his phone out of his pocket. Three missed calls and seven texts.

They were all from his coworkers, asking where he was, that he usually wasn’t late. He sent out a quick apology to all of them before putting the phone back in his pocket, rushing around the apartment. He finally found the bathroom and washed his face.

His boyfriend wouldn’t mind if he used his hairbrush right? Oh well. It was too late to back out now. Rei finally stood in front of the mirror looking like he was ready for work. He looked great actually, like he had had the best sleep of his life.

“Get moving Rei,” he reminded himself, and he rushed over to the door to slide on his shoes. Then he saw it. There was a plate with two pancakes and some diced up fruit on the table, along with a note. He slowly made his way over to it and picked the note up.

Hey Rei! Sorry, but I had to dash to work. I woke up at my alarm, but you didn’t, and I really didn’t want to wake you up. You looked like you needed the sleep. Hope you aren’t mad at me! As an apology, I made you some pancakes with fruit. They might be cold by the time you wake up, but trust me, they’re still good. Love you! Nagisa :)

Rei chuckled, feeling his face heat up as he looked over at the nice gesture. “You’re too nice for your own good Nagisa,” he sighed, taking a seat as he decided to eat the breakfast laid out for him. He said his thanks for the food, and dug in.

He was definitely aware of the looks people were giving him when he entered the lab. Most people were just shocked that he, Rei Ryugazaki, the king of being on time, was three hours late.

Ukiyo, Kawayama, and Asai on the other hand… They all stood around his desk, devious smiles on their faces as if they were up to no good. The phone at Rei’s station was blinking - he had a message.

“Soooooo. Ryugazaki finally decided to show up,” Asai smirked, drumming his fingers on the table as Rei set his bag down. “And look at that! Hey boys, aren’t those the exact same clothes Ryugazaki wore yesterday?”

Rei paled and looked down at his clothes. Shit. He’d forgotten to run home and grab new clothes in his hurry to get to work. Kawayama punched Rei in the shoulder (rather hard actually) and Asai howled with laughter.

“You totally got laid didn’t you!?,” he howled, doubling over and clutching his stomach. Ukiyo couldn’t help but join in and laugh too, hand over his mouth as he tried to mask it.

“Asai’s right, it’s written all over you,” Kawayama snickered, pointing at the crooked tie, untied shoe, and other little details. Rei just groaned and rolled his eyes. He sat down in his chair as a sign that he wanted them to leave.

Ukiyo clapped a hand on shoulder. “I think Rei here wants to get to work,” he smiled. “Let’s leave him alone for now.” Kawayama and Asai were still laughing, but they finally made their way back to their stations.

“Nagisa left you a message,” Ukiyo added, turning away from the station and heading off. Rei was confused. How would he know who left him a message? He turned to ask him, but the smirk on his face was enough. Everyone knew.

With a deep sigh, Rei picked up the phone and pressed the flashing button. There were a few old voicemails before Nagisa’s, so he had to skip through them until he finally got to the newest one. He had left it just thirty minutes ago.

Reiiiiiiiii! I thought you’d be up by now but I guess I was wrong. I tried your phone but you didn’t pick up. Did you get my breakfast? I sure hope you did. Anyway, I’m planning to talk to Masami at lunch today, like you said at dinner yesterday. Wish me luck! Oh and by the way - do you know how hard it is to hide hickeys from your boss and your partner? It’s very hard. Hope you’re happy big guy. There was the sound of a kiss. Love ya! Maybe I’ll stop by in the afternoon!

The message ended, and Rei could feel his face hot with embarrassment. He clearly remembered the number of hickeys he left. Nagisa would never let him hear the end of it.

He sighed, putting the phone back in it’s place and looking down at the new stack of papers on his desk. For some reason, he just couldn’t focus. He looked over at his bag, and smiled. There was the penguin keychain - he wondered if Nagisa had it with him.

He then looked over to the bouquet of flowers at his station. Colorful, beautiful, thoughtful… Gods. He could definitely get used to being in love. He barely got any work done that day before Nagisa came to visit late in the afternoon, when his shift was over. Nagisa convinced Rei to stay and get his work done, and stayed with him until it was done.

They went out for sandwiches late at night, and sat in the car looking at stars.

Chapter Text

Ukiyo took a shaky breath. He was usually one to have a calm and collected state of mind, but as he sat in front of his paperwork, he found that his mind was racing.

He was deeply in love with Kawayama, and he wanted to do something to take their relationship just a bit further. He was trying to think of how to take it further, and the one thing he had thought about the other day at breakfast had to be the craziest thing he had ever came up with.

Ukiyo wanted the redhead to move in with him. He spent a lot of time over at Kawayama’s apartment, having dinner and sleeping with him more times than he could count. It was like they were already living together, but he wanted to make it official.

He debated asking Rei for help, but decided that since he and Nagisa didn’t spend that much time at each other’s homes, he wouldn’t give good advice.

Fuck it. He was going to do it today. Right now. The purple-haired scientist got to his feet and headed out of his office into the lab, searching among the sea of heads for the spiky red hair. His eyes laid on Kawayama, who was hunched over his work while bobbing his head.

Earbuds were in his ears, and Ukiyo assumed he was listening to one of Mozart’s best songs (he was surprised to learn Kawayama liked classical music as much as he did). This was the perfect chance to sneak up on him.

Silently, he made his way past the other stations and came to a stop behind Kawayama. He waited a good minute to see if the redhead would notice him, but when he didn’t, he sighed and leaned over to tap him on the shoulder.

Kawayama jumped violently, pulling an earbud out and turning to look up at his boyfriend. He sighed in relief. “You scared me for a second there Ukiyo,” he chuckled, and Ukiyo smiled sadly at the use of his last name. That was an issue he could address some other day.

“Can you come over to my office really quick Kawayama?,” he asked, watching as the shorter man quickly scrambled to his feet with a nod. Ukiyo turned away and headed back to his office, Kawayama directly behind him.

Once they were in the safety of the office, door closed, Ukiyo let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Kawayama kissed him gently. He sighed again. He felt his heartbeat quicken.

He was scared. He was nervous. He was a wreck. “So, I um… I had an idea the other day and I wanted to ask you something.” Crap, now Kawayama looked nervous. “It’s not a bad thing!”

Ukiyo ran a hand through his hair and stared down at his desk for a moment. Just say it. Get it over with. He took a deep breath and smiled bashfully. “Isamu. I was wondering if you’d like to move in with me.”

The words came out faster than he intended, but they were out, and he bit his lip as he waited for Kawayama’s response. The redhead was oddly quiet, which caused Ukiyo to tremble. He refused to look at his boyfriend as he waited. Just reject it already…

“I’d love to!” Ukiyo let out a small gasp of surprise, looking over at his boyfriend to see that he was beaming. “Moving in with you would be amazing Shiori.” It was Ukiyo’s turn to smile now, and he grabbed the shorter man’s wrist to pull him close.

“Y’know… This had been on my mind for a while,” he chuckled, voice soft. There was a stray strand of hair sticking out from the mess of red hair, and Ukiyo sighed as he tucked it back in place. “I’m really glad you said yes…” Seeing Kawayama’s green eyes light up caused his heart to race, and on impulse, he stole the other into a breathless kiss.

Kawayama was surprised, and let out a noise that was a cross between a squeak and a moan. Ukiyo felt himself grow hot, the collar of his shirt seemed abnormally tight. He felt a sudden hunger sing through his veins. Before he knew it, he had pushed Kawayama roughly into the wall of his office.

The redhead broke away with a laugh, but Ukiyo found himself pressing kisses to his lips over and over again. “You - are more naughty - than you let on - Shiori,” Kawayama breathed between heated kisses. “Doing this in your office…” A deep kiss before moving to his neck. The redhead trembled with a small moan. “... with your coworkers just outside these walls…”

Ukiyo found himself frozen in place, his lips still pressed to the crook of Kawayama’s neck. He was right. The sudden lust that had washed over Ukiyo in the first place was starting to subside as he realized how unprofessional this really was.

Kawayama let out a low whine as Ukiyo backed away. “That’s no fair,” he pouted, crossing his arms as the taller man adjusted his collar and let out a sigh. “The second I say something about it, you just stop. How am I gonna live the rest of the day!?” The purple-haired scientist chuckled.

“Now now Isamu. The office doesn’t know yet, so you know we couldn’t do something like that in the office.” A smirk curled its way onto his lips. “Besides - as tempting as that idea is, we could always just leave work early and start moving you in. What’s that saying that people say…?”

The redhead felt his face heat up as he blushed, looking away while Ukiyo spoke. Even as a quiet, calm, and serious man, he had a silver tongue that couldn’t be ignored. “Ah!” Kawayama looked up in anticipation. “I got it! ‘We have to break into the new house’. It will be your new home after all.”

Ukiyo was smiling deviously over at Kawayama, trying to mask a laugh once he saw how flustered the shorter man was. “Sound good Kawayama?” He could just nod, for his voice would have failed him.

He was tempted to kiss Kawayama again, but those thoughts were scattered as soon as there was a knock on the door. “Ukiyo?” In came Asai, white hair seeming to stick out in every direction. He looked sleepy, eyes half shut and tie barely done. “I’m sorry I’m late. I slept in. I was just wondering if you had a hairbrush I could borrow?”

Kawayama still stood against the wall, trying to calm himself down and stop blushing. “I think there’s one in my drawer,” Ukiyo chuckled, reaching over to open the said drawer and pulling out a small brush. “Better give it back to me Asai.” The scientist just waved him off and took the brush, heading out the door in a half-asleep daze.

“Now Isamu,” Ukiyo started, turning to his boyfriend with a stern gaze. “We should go back to work okay? What if Asai had come in a few minutes ago?” Kawayama failed to calm down and blushed hard again. Asai entered the room again (he was probably eavesdropping like usual).

The taller man couldn’t understand why he had to keep barging in on their conversations, but he was shocked to see that his hair was already brushed. “Didn’t take long to straighten it out,” Asai snickered, tossing the brush to Ukiyo. “And by the way you two; don’t forget about the lunch Rei and I planned for tomorrow.” Golden eyes scanned over the two. He stared at Kawayama longer than necessary.

The smirk on Asai’s face caused Ukiyo to go pale. “Better be thereeeeeee!,” he sang, skipping out of the room with a sudden spout of energy. Both Kawayama and Ukiyo groaned. It was getting harder every day to hide that they were dating. But then again….

Kawayama couldn’t help but wonder. Why were they hiding it in the first place?

After leaving Rei that message at work, Nagisa found himself shaking like a leaf. Why did he say that he’d talk to Masami? That woman had been shooting him dangerous glares whenever he tried to get close to her.

“C’mon Nagisa! We have to do some training before the Captain gets angry with us!” Ah. Speak of the devil. Masami was marching over to Nagisa, the blonde stuffing his phone in his bag and sliding on his work gloves.

He quickly stammered an apology, getting to his feet and rushing up to her. “We’re working on maintenance for the satellite today right?,” he asked, trying to give her his most honest smile. That smile cracked the second she turned away from him.

“Yeah, we are,” she grumbled. “And our lunch break is at eleven today so we only have a few hours. We gotta get our asses in gear.” Nagisa nodded.

He and Masami weren’t only astronauts; they were the main two repairmen on the mission. They would be adjusting, upgrading, and monitoring the satellite. They had a few other astronauts training to go up with them as well, but both Masami and Nagisa would be doing most of the heavy work.

Masami was one of the best mechanics Nagisa had ever seen. When they met in college, he was shocked to see how much she knew about different types of vehicles, along with planes and rockets. Masami taught him anything he didn’t know, giving him plenty of experience before joining the astronaut program.

She taught him things. She was his best friend… The blonde glanced over at her sadly, watching her grab some tools and head over to the practice work site. He had to say something, and he wouldn’t let her turn him down.

“Hey, um, Masami?” The woman let out a small grunt to show she heard him. “I was wondering if we could talk later. Maybe we could go grab some lunch together?” Masami froze in her place, Nagisa could see that, and he winced as she shakily went back to her work.

“Sure I guess,” she muttered in a voice so low that Nagisa could barely hear her. He jumped up with a gasp, eyes sparkling as a dazzling smile lit up the room.

“Really!? Oh great! Thank you so much Masami.” He was able to start work off with a smile. After a while though, he started to get hot - there wasn’t any air conditioning in this part of the building, and the heavy navy jacket was starting to become unbearable. He had a white t-shirt on underneath, so maybe taking the jacket off wouldn’t be so bad.

Nope. It was bad. Definitely bad. The second he threw the jacket to the ground, he found that Masami was staring at him with a look of both disgust and embarrassment. Mainly embarrassment. “God Nagisa,” she rasped, turning away to keep working. “Don’t you have any shame?”

The blonde was confused. “Shame? What do you mean…?” He looked down, and his face grew bright red as he understood what Masami was talking about. How had he forgotten? He’d told Rei about them in a message just minutes ago.

When he wore the jacket, the sleeves had gone all the way down to his wrists and the collar had covered his neck, so he hadn’t worried. But now, in his low hanging shirt, angry red marks were clearly visible all over his neck, collarbone, the inside of his arms… his wrists…

“I - it’s no big deal,” he stuttered defensively. “They’re just hickeys. So what?” He made a show of pouting, dropping down to his knees and grabbing his tools. Oh wait. He’d forgotten how Masami felt about him. Maybe that was too insensitive?

He clicked his tongue. “Sorry Masami.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair with a nervous chuckle. “I didn’t mean to say it like that.” The woman had only grumbled something to herself before turning to Nagisa. He was surprised to see a serious expression on her face.

“I don’t care Nagisa,” she murmured. “It’s your love life. If he wants to leave….” Her face was painted red as she spoke. “... hickeys, then he can. You not being afraid to show them means you have a strong relationship.”

Nagisa pursed his lips, looking over at her with his head tilted to the side a few degrees. “Really?,” he tittered. “You’re not - ?” Wait. Definitely not the time to ask if she was still in love with him. He shook his head before smiling at her. “Thanks I guess.” He went back to his work.

Well shit - this was definitely awkward for both of them. Masami’s face was still red as she worked, for she hadn’t meant to say that. Nagisa was confused as a thousand thoughts ran through his head, a plan forming in his mind for their lunch break later.

The lunch break came too soon, and he panicked. “I’m starving, maybe I’ll have a roast beef sandwich or something along that,” he chattered, trying to say anything that would calm him down.

Masami noticed, and gently placed a hand on his arm. “Hey. Calm down okay? You said we had to talk, and I think I know what it is. You don’t need to keep freaking out okay?” Nagisa just nodded, hands shaking.

They soon found a small, comfy restaurant down the street from where they worked, and as they both waited for their food, Nagisa decided it was time. “Masami, what I wanted to talk to you about… It’s important.”

The woman looked up with pursed lips. A finger twirled her straw around in her glass of soda. She nodded at him to continue, and Nagisa found himself stuttering for the right words for the first few minutes. Then, it came to him - he just had to apologize.

“Masami… I can’t even express to you how sorry I am.” Masami glanced up with shock in her eyes, but forced the shock down by biting on her lip. “I was such a jerk to your feelings,” Nagisa continued. “You did have a point at the time - I hadn’t known Rei as long as I had known you, and that wasn’t fair to you.” He let out a shaky breath, wrapping his hand tightly around his mug of cocoa.

“All those times I tried to talk to you in the past few months… That was me trying to apologize. I really am sorry, but I’m happy with Rei. I wasn’t ever really interested in women, so I guess that part is my fault... “ He was rambling now, and he jerked as a hand rested on his free one.

Masami was smiling up at him (a hollow smile; Nagisa instantly noticed it and paled) and she chuckled softly. “It’s fine Nagisa, I’m over it now.” Huh? Had he heard that right? She was over it?

“But weren’t you like, insanely jealous?,” the blonde asked bluntly. He frowned as Masami shook her head. But she was. He knew she was jealous. She told him she was jealous.

“Not anymore,” she murmured. “I realized it wasn’t really something I should be worrying over, so I started focusing more on our mission!” The waiter came by and dropped their orders, and Nagisa glanced over at Masami with a concerned look as she took her food with a smile.

He grumbled something to himself before looking down at his own food. Stop lying to me Masami, he thought, teeth gritting as tears prickled the corners of his eyes. We promised we’d never do that. You’re a horrible liar too.

“Thank you for the food,” he grumbled under his breath, deciding on ignoring her and digging into his delicious sandwich instead. Masami asked him something about why he was so determined on apologizing. He just chewed in silence.

The walk back was almost as awkward as the rest of their lunch break. Masami had realized that Nagisa was ignoring her, and realized it would be best to stop asking him questions he didn’t want to hear over and over again.

When they got back to the workplace, Masami felt fed up. Sure, she was the one who had ignored him for months in the first place. But it was all Rei’s fault. Yeah. If it wasn’t for that stupid scientist, their relationship wouldn’t be teetering on the edge in the first place. I can fix this.

“Nagisa,” she said absentmindedly, walking into the building after him. “I’m sorry for lying to you at lunch.” The blonde had frozen for a moment as he set his coat down on a chair, turning to her with a stern look. “It was wrong of me, I know,” Masami continued. “And if you want me to be honest, I will.”

Nagisa crossed his arms, tapping his foot slightly as he looked up at her with an expectant look. Masami sighed. “I’m still jealous. I’m probably going to be jealous for a while. But since you’re so upset over our friendship right now… I can see you’re trying hard to fix things. We can still be friends, but that doesn’t mean I like your relationship.”

She watched as Nagisa sighed as well, running a hand through his hair in exasperation. “I get it,” he grumbled. Masami was shocked to see a small smile on his face. “At least we can be friendly with each other again though, right? I missed you.”

Masami felt a pang in her heart, the butterflies in her stomach fluttering once more as she saw the warmth in her friend’s eyes. “I missed you too Nagisa,” she rasped. She missed him too.

But then again, she had to do something about their situation. She wouldn’t be able to hang out with Nagisa a lot anyways. She had noticed that Rei came to the workplace three days out of five, and Nagisa went to his the other two. They spent the weekends working together and doing whatever they wanted.

It would be hard to get some time for her and Nagisa to be by themselves again. Guess she’d just have to figure it out. The fake smile curled its way back onto her face.

When Kawayama had finally shown up to the small pub-like restaurant, everyone was already on their second round of drinks. They had all decided to take a day off, and wanted to meet up for lunch and catch up as friends instead of colleagues.

“Kawayama!,” Asai shouted, waving the redhead down with a wide smile. A small mug of beer sat in his left hand while Rei and Ukiyo sat across from each other, arguing over the different factors of quantum mechanics. He chuckled and shook his head before making his way over.

Ukiyo slid him a beer of his own, smiling over at his boyfriend while carrying on with the conversation across the table. He picked it up gladly and took a long sip. It had been far too long since they had gotten the time to relax like this.

“These smart guys just don’t know how to chill,” Asai snickered, the scientist leaning over the table with a laugh, long white hair threatening to fall over his shoulder and into his beer. “Guess it’s just you and me until they finish. Sound cool Yama?”

Kawayama nodded, taking another long sip of his beer before turning to his friends. “I see you’re wearing your glasses for once,” he stated. “Get bored of those contacts?” Asai just nodded and laughed.

“Yeah, you guessed it right! But also, I decided if we were going to pub I’d be going home drunk, so why have my vision even more blurred than usual?” The two shared a laugh, not noticing that Ukiyo and Rei had finished their conversation and were listening into theirs.

Sitting next to Ukiyo, the redhead was forcing back the urge to take his hand in his own. He drummed his fingers on the table instead. “Did you guys order food without me?,” he asked, glancing over at Rei with a smile.

Rei just shook his head. “Ukiyo insisted he waited for you. What was it you said Ukiyo?” Asai took his glasses off and set them on the table, standing up from the booth and leaning over the table.

“Kawayama’s appetite is unbelievable! One day it’s a healthy salad for lunch, and the other day it’s a four meat pizza with extra meat! God knows what he’ll want to eat today.” The group broke into laughter at the horrible impression of Ukiyo, said scientist blushing furiously in embarrassment.

“It’s okay Ukiyo,” Rei laughed. “Kawayama knows it’s true.” The redhead nodded in confirmation, and snatched a menu from Ukiyo’s hand without a second thought. “Good, ‘cause I’m starving.” He scanned over the menu, pointing at a few things he wanted.

“Maybe we can share a few appetizers?,” he proposed. “Then maybe a pizza. I won’t lie Shiori, you know me too well. That four meat pizza is calling for me.” The group hardly even noticed the casual use of the scientist’s first name, snickering and agreeing with Kawayama before calling a waitress over to order.

“Can we get another round of beers too?,” the white-haired scientist added, downing the last dregs in his mug. “I think we could all use another one.” Rei quickled shook his head, arguing that he didn’t want to go home drunk, but Asai could only shrug.

The night went on smoothly. Rei had refused to drink more than two beers, and Asai was already nursing his fifth. He barely seemed buzzed, but he had always been the silent drunk (completely different from his normal personality). Ukiyo had only drank one beer, which made Kawayama surprised considering his boyfriend hated alcohol.

Now Kawayama on the other hand, was a lightweight. After two and a half beers he was starting to babble some nonsense, his cheeks flushed and pupils wide. Ukiyo seemed to be a bit on edge, arm wrapped around Kawayama’s to make sure he didn’t do or say anything stupid.

Too late. He was already beginning to say something stupid. “Y’know Shiori,” he hiccuped, taking a swig of his fourth beer with a smile. “Why didn’t we ever tell the group how much we love each other hmmmmmmmmmmmm?” Ignoring the fact that their friends were directly across from them, he planted a rather rushed and sloppy kiss on Ukiyo’s lips.

Ukiyo froze up, pushing Kawayama off with wide eyes. “Not here Isamu,” he grumbled. He glanced over at Rei and Asai, concern flashing in his eyes. They hadn’t told their friends yet. The redhead had been right.

But Rei and Asai were just smiling, the latter of the two hiding behind his mug with a chuckle. “Why’re you looking so hurt Ukiyo?,” he snickered. “Too scared to show a little PDA with your boyfriend over there? You two were sure going at it in your office yesterday.”

Now Kawayama was staring at them, his whole face turning red (half of it was from the alcohol, and the other half… he couldn’t tell whether he was turned on or just plain embarrassed). Ukiyo had his mouth open, stammering as he tried to form a solid sentence.

“Y - you knew about that!? How!?” Asai snorted, nudging Rei with his elbow. Rei was laughing by now as well. Ukiyo and Kawayama were just plain confused.

“Well, for one, everyone in the office knows you two are dating. You guys hang over each other a lot more than you think.” Ah. Yeah that was true. Kawayama was one to drape over Ukiyo all the time. But he said for one. Was there another reason?

“And two,” Asai continued, holding up two fingers with a smirk. “You may think your office walls are soundproof Ukiyo, but when a man is walking up to your office to ask for a hairbrush, it ain’t hard to hear Kawayama moan your name.” Ah. There was that too. Crap.

Kawayama didn’t think he could blush any more than he already was, and decided to chug down another beer to pass the time. Ukiyo was red by now as well, sighing and putting on an exasperated smile. “Yeah, yeah. You figured it out Asai.”

Both Kawayama and Ukiyo were sure they were going to die of embarrassment as Asai and Rei continued to tease them, asking questions about their relationship between bites of pizza.

But then again, it was nice. Feeling like they had to hide their relationship from their friends was something neither of them liked. Yet here they were, Rei and Ukiyo now arguing over whose relationship was better, and in what way. Kawayama giggled through his drunken haze. They really were like children sometimes.

He didn’t know when, and he didn’t know how, but somewhere after his seventh drink he found himself passing out at the table.

He woke up with a pounding headache and a burning chest, but Ukiyo was right next to him with a smile on his face. And he thought, through the hangover and sleepy atmosphere - nothing could be better.

Chapter Text

Bed head was a blessing. Especially his boyfriend’s bed head. He had always admired how Ukiyo managed to keep his slightly curly hair down by just styling it for a few minutes each morning, compared to Kawayama’s own spiky, unmanageable, shaggy hair.

But whenever he woke up in the morning, he always found himself playing and smiling down at the mess of curls on the taller man’s head. They stuck up in different directions, and he’d let a curl bounce off his fingertip before giggling as Ukiyo shuffled underneath the covers.

It wasn’t even dawn yet, the clock stated that it was a quarter to five in hazy red numbers. But unfortunately, Kawayama just couldn’t sleep. He felt restless for some reason, so the need to just lay in bed and toy around with Ukiyo’s hair was irresistible.

It was probably nerves. After all, he didn’t have as much work as Ukiyo did, so seeing his boyfriend come home so late at night in a tired, bumbling mess only made him feel like he was taking care of a kid. He had also just moved into Ukiyo’s condo a week ago, and settling in was a little bit harder for him than he thought it would be.

Kawayama sighed, sliding the covers off and getting out of bed. He suddenly felt unbelievably thirsty. What he didn’t expect though, was a warm hand wrapping around his wrist and tugging on it gently. He looked back to see Ukiyo blinking up at him sleepily in the dark, eyes almost fully closed. His lips were parted as if he wanted to say something, but he just kept staring at Kawayama in his sleepy gaze.

He tugged on his wrist again, and Kawayama took it as a sign that he was wanted back in bed. I’ll get a glass of water in a little bit, he thought, crawling back into bed and under the covers. Ukiyo wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close and nuzzling into his neck with a sigh.

“I didn’t mean to wake you up,” the redhead whispered, but Ukiyo made a low sound in his throat to go against his words. It was cute actually, the fact that he just couldn’t talk, that he was clingy and wanted to stay close to the younger of the two.

Ukiyo snuggled against him, chest pressed flush against his. Kawayama chuckled and rested his hand on the mess of purple hair. He ran his fingers through it gently, softly dragging his nails across his boyfriend’s scalp.

Kawayama was surprised to hear a small noise of pleasure come from Ukiyo, and just kept running his hand through his hair with a small smile. He was just like cat. An adorable, clingy cat.

“We have to go to work in an hour,” the redhead whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “We’re already late but you need more sleep…” He felt Ukiyo shift under him, and found a pair of dark blue eyes looking up at him.

They were tired, he could tell, but he felt that the longer he looked into them, the more he’d end up drowning in them. He chuckled, brushing a curl behind Ukiyo’s ear. “I don’t want to,” the older one grumbled, causing Kawayama to burst into quiet laughter.

“Don’t want to what?,” Kawayama snickered. “Go to work or sleep?” After some more shifting, Ukiyo seemed to finally find a comfortable spot and nestled there.

“Work,” he mumbled into Kawayama’s collarbone (if he said he didn’t shiver at the feeling he would be lying). “Let’s just stay in bed today Isamu…” He kissed his collarbone then, making Kawayama definately shiver and blush.

He toyed with a curl on top of his boyfriend’s head and chuckled. “And then you’ll regret telling us to stay in bed an hour later Shiori.” Ukiyo just shrugged, pushing himself up on his elbow. He was awake now.

“We’ve been working all the time,” he muttered. “I work on Saturdays and then you work on Sundays. Rei is the only one taking weekends off, which makes him work even more on weekdays. Everyone takes at least one day off. Why shouldn’t we?”

Kawayama stared at Ukiyo with wide eyes. He had a point. “Not just me taking a day off, or just you taking a day off. Both of us should take a day off. Together,” he continued. His hand came up to cup the redhead’s cheek, and he nuzzled into the soft hand almost instantly.

“You win…,” he whispered. “I can’t argue against you.” Ukiyo chuckled, a small smile on his face as he glanced down at the smaller man in adoration. He leaned down to press a gentle kiss to his lips, and Kawayama sighed blissfully.

“I know that,” Ukiyo teased when he pulled away. “You never win when I try to convince you to do something.” Kawayama gasped and pouted, causing the purple-haired scientist to laugh. “God Isamu, you’re too much,” he snickered.

He then fell silent, searching Kawayama’s face for something. He didn’t know what he was searching for, but the second the redhead shot him a warm smile, he knew that was what he was trying to find. “I love you,” Kawayama grinned.

Heat crawled up the back of Ukiyo’s neck, along with the tips of his ears and his cheeks. He blushed furiously, glancing away for a moment. He wasn’t a weak man, but when it came to saying ‘I love you’, Kawayama was able to make his knees tremble and his heart stutter.

“I love you too,” he grumbled, causing his boyfriend to laugh. He joked about how he had no reason to be embarrassed, that they had told each other they loved them all the time. Kawayama sat there smiling, having completely forgotten about his glass of water. They didn’t go to work that day.

Masami had lied to her best friend. She had lied to her partner, the one she would be spending a couple years up in space with. She couldn’t forgive herself for that lie, and it ran through her head every day when she tried to relax or tried to sleep.

She hadn’t gotten a decent night’s sleep ever since their talk a few months ago, insomnia keeping her awake some nights and nightmares waking her up on others. Nagisa kept joking about how she looked like a zombie, screwing up their tests and falling asleep in their meetings.

The woman just craved a normal night of sleep. She shouldn’t still be so hung up over the blonde, but here she was, walking into the facility to see Nagisa already suited up and waiting in a chair for her. No wonder. She was several hours late. It was already lunchtime. She yawned a small ‘hello’ before dropping her duffel bag on the floor, picking up her uniform and going to change into it before Nagisa could say anything about how tired she looked.

She returned to see Nagisa standing, arms crossed and brows furrowed. A groan escaped her lips. Here it came. “Why aren’t you getting any sleep?,” he muttered. Masami was surprised to hear a demanding tone in his words. “I gave you some sleeping pills to help you. Do you even use them?”

Masami just shook her head quietly. “I don’t see the need to take them,” she replied. She looked up to see Nagisa glaring at her, eyes angry. “I’m sorry Nagisa, but I really just don’t want to take them. I’m doing fine I swear.” She pushed past him, only to feel a tight grip on her wrist.

She whirled around to snarl at him, only to see him snarling right back. “Masami listen. I don’t know what the hell happened, whether it was our talk months ago or something else, but you haven’t been getting any sleep. You’re just running on empty fumes and one day you’re just gonna collapse. Right there on the floor.”

Masami stared at him. Were his eyes always that dark? “That’s me worried as a friend,” he snapped. “But as a co worker, how am I supposed to trust you to fly a damn ship into space!? I can’t trust you when you fall asleep in meetings and continuously screw up drills we’ve been practicing for ages.”

She gulped when he finally let go, his chest heaving as he took in deep breaths. He had a point. He was right. “Masami I… I just want to help you,” he murmured, biting his lip. “I’d do anything if it meant you would get better. I hate seeing you like this.”

Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the fact that she didn’t know the difference between desire and friendship anymore, but something snapped. She could feel it inside, her heart beating fast as a lopsided smile curled onto her face. “You can do something,” she rasped, voice coming out in a waver. “I have something you can do.”

Nagisa seemed to light up, a smile instantly taking place of the frown on his face at the thought of helping his best friend get better. “Of course!,” he laughed. “I’d do anything Masami. Do you want a sleepover or something? Maybe we could go get some lunch today? I can always call Rei and let him know I can’t have lunch with him.”

He laughed again, but Masami scowled. “First of all, stop talking about Rei all the time. You do it incessantly.” The smile was gone again. He knew where this was going. She’s not getting sleep because of our talk, he thought.I knew it.

She didn’t know what drove her to do it, but once she came to her senses Nagisa was pressed against the wall and her hands were on either side of his head. “Kiss me,” she muttered. “I want to make sure I’m not still in love with you.”

At that, Nagisa panicked. “I can’t do that Masami,” he said. His phone buzzed in his back pocket. He reached to get it, but Masami just grabbed his wrist and held it against the wall. “I’m in a relationship, I can’t just kiss you!” The woman growled.

“You told me you’d do anything to make me feel better,” she smiled. “C’mon Nagisa it’s just a little kiss. What harm could it cause?” She closed the gap in between them, pressing a hard kiss to the blonde’s lip with a hum. His lips were soft, and really warm.

When she kissed him though, she didn’t feel right. Kissing Nagisa Hazuki didn’t feel right. She sighed as a large wave of relief washed over her, cooling her senses and causing her to relax. She wasn’t in love with him anymore. She could finally sleep.

That was, until she heard the sound of something clatter to the floor.

She pulled away, looking up at Nagisa to see him looking to the side, tears trickling down his cheeks and filling his eyes. What was he crying about? Sure, she kissed him, but it was only for a few seconds. He fulfilled his promise and she felt better, so why…?

Oh fuck. Standing a few feet away from the doorway was Rei, a to-go cup of cold tea rolling on the floor. His phone was in one hand, pressed to his ear, and a bag of food was hanging on his arm. He looked devastated, eyes wide and mouth open.

“Rei,” whined Nagisa, voice hoarse as he couldn’t find the courage to speak. “This isn’t what it looks like.” But it was what it looked like. Masami had Nagisa’s wrist held above his head, her body pressed against him and her face just an inch away from his. How else would it look?

Rei just silently closed his phone, gripping it in his hand so tight his knuckles turned white. He whirled around and headed back to the door, causing Nagisa to shriek his name and forcefully shove Masami off of him and into the railing. She let out a yelp as she fell to the floor, clutching her side.

“No, no Rei! This isn’t what it looks like I swear! Oh god please let me explain don’t leave me - !” Nagisa rushed out of the building, running after Rei as fast as he possibly could. Masami laid on the floor, hissing at the pain in her side. That would definitely leave a bruise.

The blonde had finally caught up to Rei, grabbing his arm and trying to get him to turn around and face him. Rei just kept walking, causing Nagisa to drag his heels on the ground in an attempt to stop him. “Rei please,” he sobbed. “Let me explain. Just listen!”

But then again, how would he explain? He couldn’t tell Rei he was trying to help Masami out. That just sounded too much like he was cheating on him. What would he tell him? He panicked as Rei finally turned around to face him.

“No you listen,” he snarled, and Nagisa quickly let go of his arm at the sight of how angry his boyfriend truly was. “If you wanted to be with Masami so badly then you should’ve broken up with me sooner.” He spat the words out like they were poison, and they were.

“You obviously need some time with her to figure everything out, so just - just stay away from me and my office.” Before Nagisa could say another word he stormed off, finding his car and getting into it before slamming the door forcefully.

Masami had hobbled to the doorway, watching as Nagisa let out a shuddering sob while Rei drove away. She had never seen him so desperate. It hurt, and she immediately felt the overwhelming amount of guilt that came from kissing her best friend.

She turned away to walk back into the building, grabbing her stuff and trying to find a way out. She ignored the sobbing blonde on the sidewalk, and ignored the tears of her own trickling down her cheeks.

“Rei! Rei I know you’re upset. Just calm down!” In the middle of having lunch, Ukiyo and Kawayama had heard an insane pounding on their door that just sounded like it was about to be broken down. Kawayama sprinted to the door to open it, only to see an infuriated (and crying) Rei.

Now he was pacing around the room, clutching onto his hair as if it was his last restraint from breaking something in the condo. Ukiyo had gone off to make some chamomile tea, as if that would calm him down. Kawayama was busy trying to talk him into sitting on the couch and talking to them about it.

Just when he was about to give up, Rei broke into a sob and collapsed (thankfully onto the couch), face in his hands. Kawayama sighed. At least they had gotten that far. “Rei,” he murmured, sitting down next to him and placing a hand on his shoulder. His colleague flinched.

He frowned, looking down as Rei trembled under his hand. “You have to tell me what’s wrong if you want me to help you Rei,” he continued. “All I got from your rant was that ‘you can’t believe he kissed her’. Who kissed who Rei?” The man in question shakily slid off his glasses, wiping his eyes with the back of sleeve.

With a glance up at the redhead, Kawayama could see the hurt in his lilac eyes. Something really bad must have happened. “Nagisa and Masami,” he grumbled. Oh. That’s definitely bad.

“I went to go pick him up for lunch, and when I texted him I was outside, I expected him to come out.” He paused, biting his lip and looking down at the floor. “He didn’t respond for a few minutes so I assumed he was training and went in…”

“And they were kissing?,” Kawayama asked, breathless. He’d never seen his friend so upset in all the years he’d known him, but knowing it was because of that little blonde punk he felt anger rising up his back and neck in a sickly heat.

Rei just nodded in response, and the redhead growled. “That bastard,” he snapped. “He had no right to do that to you!” Ukiyo had walked in by that point, carrying a tray with a steaming pot of tea and some cups. He quickly poured Rei a cup and handed it to him before sitting down.

“Calm down Kawayama,” he muttered, pouring himself a cup of tea and taking a small sip. “Getting riled up won’t help Rei feel any better.” Kawayama sighed deeply and swallowed his anger. Just for now. Just for now.

As Ukiyo talked to Rei about the situation, Kawayama found himself drowning in his own thoughts. He had always seen Rei as a brother to him, the two having met in college and becoming best friends right away. He’d known Rei longer than he’d known Asai and Ukiyo, and swore he’d protect him. He’d always protect his friends.

He wasn’t a violent guy. At least, he wasn’t any more. In highschool he could remember smoking cigarettes in the school parking lot and watching boys get beat up. He’d changed by now, having quit smoking (except for the occasional one when he was too stressed) and gotten rid of his violent ways. Ukiyo made sure to keep him in line as well.

But as Rei sat here, basically bawling his eyes out over a man he had given his entire self to, Kawayama couldn’t help but feel the tingling in his knuckles as they begged for something to beat up. Before he could stop himself, he felt himself walking towards the door in a muddled daze, mumbling something about going out to buy Rei something hearty to eat.

Ukiyo believed his lie. So did Rei. It was if he wasn’t in control, something else causing him to walk down the sidewalk in a hurried pace, hands tucked into his jacket. His mouth felt like cotton, tongue dry against the roof of his mouth as he took in breaths of hot pre-summer air.

He didn’t know where the blonde worked, so he just wandered around town for a bit. He got repeated texts from Ukiyo.

[BF - 1:21 PM] Hey you said you were getting Rei something to eat? That’s taking quite a while.

[BF - 1:24 PM] Isamu? If you’re getting these he wants you to know shoyu ramen would be nice. Buy some for us too.

[To: BF - 1:29 PM] lol might take me a while, im walking instead of taking the car haha :O

[BF - 1:31 PM] Alright. We’ll be here. Text me when you’re on your way back.

Kawayama slid the phone back into his pocket and looked up, seeing that he was in front of his workplace. He took out his key, walking into the office and turning on the lights. Green eyes set on Rei’s desk, and he headed over to open the drawers. The address had to be somewhere.

Luckily enough, he struck gold, finding a paper with the address of Nagisa’s workplace as well as his cellphone number. He stuffed it into his pocket and closed the drawers, rushing out of the office with a smirk.

It was two when he finally made it to the workplace. The door was wide open, and he could see the little blonde sitting in a chair inside. He was quiet, head tilted back to rest on the wall and eyes closed.

“Hey you,” he snapped, walking in. His footsteps echoed around the empty workplace. He realized half the lights were off, giving the room an eerie glow. “Get up you asshole. You have some explaining to do.”

Nagisa’s eyes shot open and he quickly looked over at Kawayama, mouth open in shock. “C’mon spill it,” Kawayama spat. “I wanna know why there’s a crying man in my living room.” He searched his back pocket for a cigarette and found a pack with one left. Bingo.

There was the faint click of a lighter as he lit it, taking a long drag and blowing the smoke out through his nose. His teeth were gritted together, lips pressed together in a smug sneer. “You gonna talk or what?”

The astronaut slowly stood up from his chair, hands fidgeting behind his back as he tried to search for the right words to say. “I didn’t mean it…,” he rasped finally, looking up at the redhead with pained eyes. “Masami did it. I had nothing to do with it. She just pushed me against the wall and kissed me, I swear.”

Kawayama narrowed his eyes and glared at Nagisa, taking another drag from his cigarette before walking forward. “You know Nagisa, the innocent act may work on others but I know a liar when I see one.” Nagisa just shook his head, eyes widening in fear. He was wrong. Kawayama was wrong. He wasn’t lying.

The blonde was also confused. This Kawayama was nothing like the one he talked to every other day. He was usually happy and upbeat, eyes innocent with a wide smile on his face. It was like something snapped in him, and it was terrifying to see.

“Admit you cheated on Rei,” he snarled, cigarette pressed tightly in the corner of his lips, ash falling to the floor. “Admit it you liar.” Nagisa just shook his head, standing there with a shaky, defiant look. There was a buzz in his pocket, probably from Ukiyo. Kawayama ignored it and stepped forward while rolling his sleeve up. “Rei always said you were stubborn,” he grumbled. “Let’s test that.”

The sound was dull, barely even echoing in the room save for a small crunch. There was a loud thud as Nagisa hit the floor though, clutching his face and groaning in pain. Kawayama shook his hand and sneered, dropping the cigarette to the floor and putting it out with his foot. There was blood on his knuckled.

Nagisa’s lip was split, and blood was steadily trickling from his nose. Kawayama had hit him dead on, right in the middle of his face, hitting both his mouth and nose with a large fist. There were small footsteps behind him, but he didn’t pay attention to them.

“I told you to tell me!,” he yelled, dropping down to his knees and grabbing Nagisa’s collar, yanking him up. “God dammit Nagisa just admit it!” The blonde shook his head again, whining as Kawayama sat on him and held him there.

He felt the violent side returning, and it made him feel sick to his stomach, but before he could land another punch on the smaller man, he heard a voice behind him. “Oh my god! Stop!” He looked up and turned around to see a woman standing there. Masami, he assumed.

Kawayama quickly got off of Nagisa, wiping his knuckles on his coat and growling. “Don’t tell anyone about this,” he snapped, pushing past her and heading out the door. His phone buzzed again, but he kept walking.

“Masami,” Nagisa whined, holding a hand over his nose. “Why are you here?” The woman just shook her head and rushed over, helping him up and inspecting his face.

“I forgot my lunch,” she rasped, pointing to the plastic bag on a chair a little ways away. “I didn’t think it was all that important but I came back anyway. Thank god I did. Let’s get you to a hospital or something.” Nagisa just weakly nodded, watching as Masami rushed around to grab both his and her own belongings.

Kawayama walked hurriedly down the street, anger fueling him and causing a throbbing headache to make the sunlight all too bright and the cars far too loud. He could’ve sworn he saw Masami and Nagisa drive by him. He didn’t care.

He ducked into a noodle shop, buying some shoyu ramen just to make sure Ukiyo and Rei wouldn’t suspect a thing. He checked his messages as he waited for them to be ready.

[BF - 2:28 PM] Kawayama Isamu where the hell are you.

[BF - 2:35 PM] This isn’t funny. It wouldn’t take that long to buy noodles. Where are you?

[To: BF - 2:41 PM] yo im on my way home sry

[To: BF- 2:41 PM] this one place i went to ran out of shoyu so i went to a different place

He sighed, picking up his order as it was called and walking off. His knuckled ached, but he didn’t think much about it. It didn’t take long to reach the condo, and he unlocked the door to meet a very angry face. Ukiyo.

“It doesn’t take that long to buy ramen,” the purple-haired scientist snapped, taking the bag from Kawayama and setting it down on the table in front of Rei. “If you wanted some time to think things over or do something else you could’ve just told us.”

Kawayama shrugged and put on a small smile, taking off his coat and hanging it up. He sat down at the kotatsu with Rei, clapping his hands together with a chuckle. “I know Shiori,” he smiled. “But I’m super hungry. Let’s eat!” He grabbed some chopsticks and his bowl. “Thank you for the food!”

He dug into his food, waiting for the others to do the same, but slowed down once he realized he was being stared at. He looked up, confused. Rei just looked concerned. Ukiyo looked angry.

“Why are your knuckles bruised? And more importantly, why is there blood on your hand? Explain."

Chapter Text

The first thing Rei thought when he saw Nagisa the next day was how he looked absolutely horrible. He had shown up to his office to see the blonde sitting on his desk with a white strip over his (bruised) nose and a nasty cut on his lip. His eyes were tired, dark circles under them as he struggled to stop himself from nodding off.

“Do you need something?,” the scientist asked, putting his bag on the table and pulling his chair out. He hated to admit that he felt bad - he knew that those wounds were caused by Kawayama. Even though Kawayama told Rei and Ukiyo at dinner that he had simply just gotten a bloody nose from the heat outside, Rei didn’t believe him.

Ukiyo was surprisingly gullible, believing his smaller boyfriend right away with a smile. Rei sighed at the thought, sitting down and glancing up to see if the blonde would have a response. He didn’t.

“Nagisa. What happened to your face?” No response. The astronaut just sat there swinging his legs, staring blankly at the papers on the desk. Rei could feel a small flush of anger start to crawl up the back of his neck. He didn’t want to make a scene, so he grabbed one of Nagisa’s swinging legs to get his attention. “What happened?,” he repeated.

At the touch, Nagisa froze, blinking and rubbing his eyes gently before looking over at Rei. He smiled a small, lopsided grin. His eyes seemed to be searching for something. “It’s nothing,” he replied, brushing Rei’s hand off his leg. “Just got into a little situation last night. I’m fine though, don’t worry.” Rei sighed and ran a hand through his hair, feeling exasperated. He had work to do, and he was mad at Nagisa, so why was he even talking to him?

“I came to tell you again that I would never do something like that,” Nagisa piped up, watching as a few scientists filed through the front door and grabbed their coats. “I know you won’t believe me, but I thought I’d say it anyway.” Rei gaped at him (not just because the blonde had basically read his mind, but also that he sounded so sincere with that silly smile on his face).

But even through the serious words, Rei couldn’t find the feeling of acceptance. He didn’t want to accept his apology. He didn’t feel the need to, and his stomach flipped as he realized how angry and hurt he really was. “I think we need some away from each other,” he muttered. “I have a lot of things I need to think over.”

Nagisa turned his head away, tears prickling in his eyes as he struggled to keep his composure. Those weren’t the words he wanted to hear. Rei noticed and grimaced, looking down at his desk. “I think…,” he started, voice cracking. “I think that’s best.” The blonde simply shook his head, refusing to acknowledge his words. He was upset, hurt, tired; why couldn’t Rei just believe him?

“I don’t have time,” he rasped. “Don’t you understand that? I’m going to be gone for two years at least up in fucking space! I don’t have time!” His fist slammed down on the table, tears now streaming down his face as Rei stared. He had drawn the attention of some of the other people in the office, but he didn’t care.

“If you aren’t going to believe me, then I guess I better just leave you alone huh?” He angrily hopped off the desk (was he angry? or just hurt? confused?) and pointed a finger at Rei. “Just say the words and I’ll be gone. We won’t have to see each other again.”

Rei knew this anger was his fault. That the nasty look hidden behind the blonde’s tears was his fault. He let out a deep sigh, reaching up to wipe his eyes. Was he crying? He didn’t think so. “We need time off,” he said, voice more firm. He looked up to stare straight at Nagisa, eyes blank. “For now, I think it’s safe to say we’re broken up.”

Nagisa stumbled slightly, clutching onto the corner of the table with a wounded expression. “I understand,” he muttered, moving away and letting his hands hang limply at his sides. “I’ll leave you alone then.” Rei opened his mouth as if to say something as Nagisa walked away, the blonde looking defeated. Whatever words he had disappeared, caught in his throat and unable to come out.

He sat back in his chair, a hand running through his hair as the close of a door told him that Nagisa had left. He had broken up with Nagisa. Had he broken up with Nagisa? He’d consider that a break up if he’d ever seen one. A few of his colleagues were staring at him, but after shooting them a small glare, they had all quickly turned back to their work as if nothing had happened.

Rei just sighed and leafed through the papers on his desk. He couldn’t possibly concentrate after something like that. The loud, energetic voice of Asai filled the office, and he jerked at the feeling of hands on his shoulders and a hot puff of air in his ear. “Reiiiii,” Asai hummed, giggling as the scientist made a squaking noise and moved away.

“I saw your cute little boyfriend stomping away,” the white-haired man chirped, putting a hand on Rei’s desk as golden eyes looked around the office excitedly. “If I was right, I would say that you two had a fight or something. But that’s silly, you two are as close as ever right Rei?” His eyes flickered over to look at Rei, and the smile was immediately wiped off his face. “Rei… are you crying?”

He flinched, fingertips coming up to his cheeks to feel drop after drop roll down to his chin and onto his shirt. He let out a hoarse laugh, wiping them away with his sleeve. “I guess I am,” he rasped. There was a smile plastered on his face. A fake, painful smile that seemed to be ripping him apart with each passing second. Asai just frowned and leaned down, pulling Rei into a hug with a deep sigh.

“I guess something did happen,” he murmured, taking on a surprisingly calm attitude. “Do you want to talk about it?” He felt Rei tense up, and only squeezed his arms gently in response. He would wait if he had to. He’d known a thing or two about a bad break up or fight.

Rei whispered something under his breath, and Asai pulled away to search his face. He hummed a little, telling him it was okay to say whatever was on his mind. The scientist took a shaky breath. “Asai can you tell me, how… how can I give up on him?” Asai felt his mind go blank and his mouth go dry.

He had nothing to say in return.

Two days had passed since Rei and Nagisa had broken up. At least, that’s what Nagisa considered it to be. Oh what a tragic love story that would be, written on the pages in dripping black ink that would just mock him over and over. They fell in love under the dim light of a bar, sipping sickly sweet drinks and talking about their futures. They had a winter love, full of hazelnut coffee and laughs. Of course he had to get kissed by his best friend. He had to. A horrible break up wouldn’t be complete without it. It had been too good to be true anyway.

The blonde had locked himself up in his apartment, refusing to leave no matter how many calls or texts he received.

[Masami :) - 10:36 AM] You didn’t show up to training again. Are you okay? You’re really starting to worry me.

[Masami :) - 12:03 PM] Okay Nagisa enough. You’re really scaring me. I’ve called you four times already. What the fuck happened to you?

[Haru-chan - 12:44] Masami won’t stop texting me. Are you at home? Can we talk?

[Masami :) - 2:06] That’s it I’m calling Rei.

[Haru-chan - 2:07] Nagisa she’s gonna call Rei.

[Masami :) - 2:10] Okay now Rei won’t pick up. What is up with you two? Just talk to me already!

[Masami :) - 2:16] Please?

Nagisa stared at his screen, laughing silently with tears dripping onto his pillow. “Not now Masami,” he whispered to himself. “Not now.” He shut off the phone, setting it down on his bedside table before sitting up, the floor looking too far away from his feet.

His body felt heavy as he pushed himself off the bed, wobbling on his feet before slowly walking over to his bathroom. Two light bulbs weren’t working, leaving the room to bathe in a soft yellow glow that cast shadows on the wall. The blonde stared at himself in the mirror. That wasn’t Nagisa. That was someone else.

The cut on his lip had started to heal, leaving an ugly mark on his pale pink lips. His nose was still slightly misshaped, the strip on it starting to peel as if it were asking for a change. He’d do that some other time. A twist of the wrist, and icy water flowed into the porcelain sink. He stuck his hands under the flow and left them there. Just left them there.

The man stared at the dark circles under his eyes, cringing as he remembered the bouts of insomnia that kept him shaking in the middle of the night, crying for sleep. He shouldn’t be taking this so hard. Why was he taking this so hard? He should just move on, right? He sighed, dipping his head down to splash the cold water on his face. He rubbed his cheeks gently. He was tired.

He was positive that Rei couldn’t possibly understand. Once Nagisa went up into space, then he’d realize. Maybe that’s why he was so hung over it. That Rei would never come to accept that he was telling the truth, and that their relationship would fall apart in the zero gravity of space. He laughed bitterly, shutting the sink off with a scowl.

Nagisa assumed that he’d have to go to training the next day. He couldn’t ignore Masami forever, and his training certainly couldn’t be put off any longer. He dried his face with a towel, then his hands. His stomach growled. He was reminded that he hadn’t eaten in the past two days. The blonde ran a hand through his hair and he grimaced at how greasy it was. He really hadn’t been taking care of himself.

Ignoring the hunger pangs he was suddenly being slammed with, he went over to turn on the shower, standing there weakly as he waited for the water to heat up. His legs felt like jelly, his arms like fifty pound weights. Was it getting hard to breathe? Maybe it was just the steam fogging up his windows.

He’d been wearing the same clothes for the past two days as well, and he peeled them off with a groan and a sigh. His skin felt overly exposed, and he traced the lines of his hips and the faint muscles on his abdomen. He was pale. He wondered when he’d next get to go to the beach to tan a little.

Had he lost weight too? Nagisa shrugged it off. Just his imagination. He climbed into the shower, wincing at the feeling of scalding hot water against his back. He didn’t have the strength to turn the knob. He turned to put his face in the water, feeling it drip onto his scalp and run through his hair. A sudden wave of nausea and exhaustion washed over him, causing him to slam his hands against the wall to keep him upright. He stared down at his feet, breathing heavily.

It’s just a stupid break up. He probably only meant it to be temporary. Stop psyching yourself out Nagisa, you’re hurting yourself. You’re ignoring your friends, you aren’t eating - get a fucking grip Hazuki. He realized he had closed his eyes, and forced himself to open them. He couldn’t push himself off the wall yet, so he stayed there silently.

The sound of rushing water was deafening around him. His head suddenly pounded - a headache - and he winced again. This sucked. He reached down to turn the water off. He wasn’t in the mood to wash his hair anyway. There was a pounding behind him. Just his head. It was just his head.

He stood there, letting the water drip from his hair onto the shower floor with a dull drip drip drip. The pounding started again, then a voice. Wait, a voice? His tilted his head to the side, looking over at the door tiredly. “What?,” he snapped, voice coming out in a croak.

“Open the door Nagisa!,” cried the voice. He recognized that voice. It was Masami. She was probably at the front door. Had she even heard him? He tried to call out to her, let her know he was fine, but the words were stuck there, heavy and dry on his tongue. He simply stepped out of the tub and grabbed a towel, feeling dizzy as he wrapped it around his waist and walked to the front door.

He swung it open, trying to give the woman a stern glare, but froze when he saw the worry etched into her face. Then there was rage. Then a sting on his left cheek as she slapped him. “How dare you not answer my calls Hazuki!,” she screeched, pushing him inside and slamming the door closed. “I was so fucking worried! What if something had happened to you huh? Rei finally answered my damn calls and told me he had no idea what you were doing either. I panicked and then you didn’t answer the damn door!”

Nagisa cringed, putting a hand on the back of his neck with a nervous chuckle. “I’m sorry,” he half chuckled, half rasped. “I’ve been busy…” Masami scoffed, walking into the kitchen and dropping her purse on the table.

“Like hell,” she snapped. “You look awful, you haven’t been to training for two days, and you refuse to text anyone back. Even Haru, your friend!” Nagisa cowered slightly, hand grasping hold of the towel as if it wasn’t tight enough around his hips. Masami was right. He was in a bad place.

At seeing the distress on his face (along with exhaustion), Masami’s expression softened, and she gently placed a hand on his shoulder with a frown. “Are you okay?” Nagisa paused, trembling slightly before shaking his head. “Does it have to do with Rei? Me…?” Another hesitation, then a nod. Masami sighed.

“I’m sorry for what I did,” she said. “It was wrong and… I hurt you. Both of you.” The blonde simply stared at her, not believing his ears. Masami was apologizing? Was she an idiot? How could someone just simply apologize for something like that and expect to receive forgiveness in return.

A cold laugh left his lips. It was a sound he didn’t know he could make, the sound shaking, forced, echoing in the quiet kitchen. “You’re apologizing?,” he asked, surprised by the anger in his voice. Brown eyes blinked over at him, and the woman grimaced. She seemed surprised too, but scared as well - it was obvious from the flames dancing in her friend’s eyes, the sneer on his lips.

“Look I know you don’t want to hear that from me right now, but I really am sorry…” Another dark chuckle. Masami saw the disbelief written all over his face. Even though he was just standing there in a towel, he was serious. He was angry. She was to blame.

“I don’t want an apology,” he said. “I’m not the one who needs it.” Masami opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by Nagisa’s hand hitting the table. “You need to apologize to Rei. He’s the one that’s hurt even more.”

Sure, he had been starving himself for the past two days. He hadn’t changed his clothes, he had barely gotten any sleep from the insomnia swirling around in his head, and he felt like he could collapse on the floor any second. But Rei… he was never one to show his emotions well. Even through the mask, Nagisa knew he was in a bad place too. Probably even worse than him.

He took his hand off the table, body wobbling as he straightened himself. He took all his height, all his strength, all his anger, and just pointed it at her. Literally. A finger was pointed at her, arm straight and unwavering. His eyes were dark, not a single trace of a smile to be found. “You have to fix this yourself. I refuse to accept your apology until you tell Rei everything.” Masami wanted to retort, but Nagisa clicked his tongue.

“I may not seem like it Masami, but I can hold a grudge. Even if we’re in space for two years, I can keep it. Tell. Him. Everything.” The woman just gulped, running a hand through her hair before nodding. He was right. She was acting like a child.

“Okay…,” she murmured, grabbing her purse of the table with a frown. “If that’s what it take Nagisa, I’ll do it.” The blonde let out a small grunt, crossing his arms and glaring at her. He was doubtful, she could tell. “I’ll leave you alone now, but you better eat.”

Nagisa paused before nodding. “Fine.” Then, without another moment’s hesitation, Nagisa left. He had to finish his shower, go out to eat. He had a lot to catch up on. “Make sure the door is closed on the way out,” he added. He didn’t see her pained expression.

The room smelled like smoke. Even though the window had been open, he couldn’t get the bitter smell out. “Shit,” he mumbled, tipping his cigarette into the tray and tapping the ash off. “I can’t stop, can I…?” This was the last cigarette of his pack. Ukiyo would be coming home soon.

The click of a door startled him, and Kawayama leaped up to stare out into the hall. Scratch that. He had come home early. He snatched the cigarette from his lips and snuffed it out, tossing it off the condo balcony and kicking the ashtray under their bed. Green eyes scoured the room for some kind of perfume. My cologne!

“Isamu?,” called the older of the two, the sound of his bag being set on the table echoing through the hall. “Are you home? What’s that smell? Don’t tell me you tried to cook again…” The redhead quickly sprayed their bedroom, shutting the window and heaving out a loud sigh.

“I’m here!,” he called, walking out into the hall and putting on a smile. “I’m here.” The warm smile on Ukiyo’s face was enough to cause butterflies in his stomach. “I’m sorry that I didn’t go to work today,” he said. “You know I wasn’t feeling too well…” Lies.

Ukiyo just silently bent down, pressing a light kiss to Kawayama’s lips. He seemed to be holding back from pressing a deeper kiss, but the redhead didn’t notice. “It’s okay,” he murmured, moving to kiss down his jawline. “I just missed you today is all…” Kawayama sighed blissfully, tilting his head back with a small smile. “I don’t have anyone but Asai to bother me, and you know how tiring that can be.”

He pressed a kiss to his neck, and Kawayama let out a soft noise. Then, Ukiyo paused. “You reek,” he grimaced, pulling back. Kawayama tilted his head to the side, confused. “Why’d you have to put on so much cologne?”

Oh. The redhead let out a nervous chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck with a lopsided smile. “I guess I overdid it? I thought I smelled bad, so I wanted to put some on.” Ukiyo scoffed. He already knew the rebuttal. Yeah yeah, he could have taken a shower, blah blah blah.

“By the way, I smelled smoke I think?,” Ukiyo asked, and Kawayama was surprised from the unexpected response. “Were you cooking?” The scientist wandered into the kitchen, looking for a sign of food. The redhead winced and followed him.

“Not really,” Kawayama muttered. “I just…” No. He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t tell his boyfriend that his old addiction had come back like a slap in the face. But as he trailed off, his eyes flickered up to meet the cold blue ones of Ukiyo.

He felt himself tense up at the sharp frown on the other’s face. “You’re lying again,” he grumbled. “I thought it would be just a one time thing, so I didn’t bring it up.” Kawayama tilted his head to the side, confused as he blinked up at Ukiyo. The taller man just sighed and rubbed his temples.

“Rei told me his suspicions from the other night. Did you go and beat Nagisa up when you went out for ramen? Was that what the bruises were from? And the blood?” Kawayama paled, subconsciously rubbing his knuckles with his other hand. He couldn’t find it in himself to answer.

Instead, he bit his lip and looked towards the wall. “And… the second lie…?” He didn’t want to look at Ukiyo. He could tell his boyfriend was pissed - hell, he could feel the anger radiating off of him in silent waves.

“You smoked,” he growled. Well fuck. Kawayama had never heard that tone in Ukiyo’s voice before. He stole a glance towards him, only to find himself trembling at the fire in his ice blue eyes. Even through the fear, he felt the slightest chill of pleasure run up his spine. Was it wrong if he said he was attractive when he was mad?

“I tasted it on your lips,” Ukiyo continued, hands clasped behind his back. “I don’t see why you need to hide it from me. You should at least tell me when you smoke or something.” Now that, that, ticked him off. He felt his respect for Ukiyo begin to chip away as he took a step forward.

“You know what?,” he snapped. “You don’t get to tell me what I can or cannot do Shiori.” The purple-haired man blinked, as though shocked. “The fact that I can’t go out alone for a few hours without you texting me and asking me where I am is ridiculous. If I’m stressed out, I’ll smoke all the damn cigarettes I want.”

Ukiyo clicked his tongue, looking down at the floor with a scowl. “Fine then. You get to sleep on the couch tonight.” He walked off towards the hallway - he smelled like cologne now, and he wanted it off. Kawayama felt his jaw drop in disbelief. Was this guy serious? After just telling him he didn’t like to be bossed around, he was told where to sleep?

“No!” A small ‘eh?’ came from across the room, and green eyes met blue ones in defiance. “If you don’t want me to sleep in bed with you tonight, I’m going out.” Without hearing what Ukiyo had to say, he snatched his jacket and phone off the table.

Ukiyo was talking again. Of course he was. His words came out in angry spurts, but Kawayama didn’t care. He just simply headed out the door and walked on.

Once he was a good block away from the building, he thought about going to several different bars. There was a gay bar down the street, but he didn’t really feel like drinking alcohol. With a quick couple of taps, he was calling Rei, the humid air suffocating him.

“Hey Rei?,” he asked, voice cracking as his friend picked up. “I think your bad vibes are spreading haha…” He let out a tired laugh before looking up at the stars. “Do you think I could spend the night?” A pause.

“Shiori and I fought...”

Chapter Text

When he’d gotten that voice message from Masami, he could’ve sworn that he’d stopped breathing. Rei! Oh god Rei please answer my calls. I know you hate me, and I don’t blame you, but Nagisa won’t answer my texts or calls, and he won’t answer Haru’s either. Do you know if he’s okay? That was it.

He numbly stared at his phone, barely registering the tears streaming down his face. He’d almost forgotten that he was at work, several co-workers looking at him in shock. It wasn’t until he felt Asai’s hand on his shoulder that he tumbled back into reality, gripping onto his phone so tight that his knuckles grew white. “Asai…” he croaked, before he was led out of the building by the kind-hearted scientist.

Rei was barely aware of his surroundings, the warm grip of Asai’s hand holding onto his arm the only thing he was fully aware of. “Do you want to talk about it?,” the white-haired man murmured once they were far enough away.

“I think Nagisa’s in trouble,” Rei rasped, a sob leaving his lips as he began to lose control. He gave Asai the phone, holding a hand up to his face. “It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault.” Asai listened to the message in silence, before stuffing the phone in the pocket and embracing his friend in a hug.

“It’s not your fault Rei,” he said. “He’s taking this just as hard as you are. If you really want to start fixing things…” He paused. “You should call her back and tell her what happened. He’s still her friend after all.”

Rei nodded numbly. “You’re right…” Asai was definitely right. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so utterly helpless, and knowing Nagisa was like that too… that made the pain far worse than it already was. He couldn’t stand the thought of Nagisa being hurt.

Oh god. What if he was hurt!? Was that why he wasn’t answering his phone? Rei could suddenly feel his spine crawl with fear, the multitudes of possibilities running through his mind at a mile a minute. He loved him. He fucking loved him - and he could be doing god knows what and no one was there to help him. God dammit.

“My phone,” he quickly murmured. “I need my phone. I’ll call her back. Nagisa is…” The words got caught in his throat. He’s important to her. He’s important to me too. Asai just gave him a small smile and reached back into his pocket, bringing the phone out and sliding it into Rei’s clammy hands.

“That was quick,” the white-haired scientist chuckled. “You realized what you have to do then?” Rei just nodded. “Good… Just tell her what happened between you two. Everything will work itself out, okay?” Another nod. Asai wondered when he got so good at comforting people.

He placed a hand on Rei’s shoulder, squeezing it gently before walking back to the office. “I’ll wait for you inside!” Rei just silently turned to his phone, pausing for a moment before he did anything. The blank screen seemed daunting, but he just scoffed at it. He was just calling her. It was no big deal.

Masami picked up halfway through the first dial tone. “Rei!?” Rei cringed and held the phone away from his ear, Masami basically screaming into the phone, ranting on and on about how he hadn’t answered her texts and calls, how she was worried, if he knew anything - his mouth hung open. He wouldn’t be able to answer her questions if she kept talking.

“Masami…. Masami!” That seemed to shut the woman up. “I wanted you to know that I don’t know why Nagisa won’t answer anything. He and I…” An awkward pause as he cleared his throat, trying to find the right words. “I broke things off two days ago. I mean, it was more like a pause on our relationship, but I think he took it as me not wanting to be with him anymore…”

“Oh… oh. I see. So do you think he’d be at his apartment then? I was already walking over there, but I was hoping you’d know something.” Rei sighed. He understood. “He probably would. Why? Has he not been showing up to work either?”

Now it was Masami’s turn to sigh. It was clearly audible, and that gave Rei the only answer he needed. “I get it,” he continued before she could answer. “Can you um… can you let me know if he’s okay? Frankly, I’m quite worried as well.” The woman just chuckled in exasperation. “Of course I will Rei,” she said. “Trust me.”

Trust me. Hm. Bold choice of words. “Okay then. I’ll leave my phone on just in case.” The two agreed, and Masami hung up quickly. Rei stood there, listening to the beep beep beep of the disconnected call as he looked at his surroundings. Asai had led him out to the parking lot apparently - good. He didn’t want any of his coworkers to see him cry.

“Okay Rei…,” he whispered to himself, running a hand through his hair and taking a few deep breaths to calm down his nerves. “Let’s just finish today.” He walked back to the office, and headed back to his desk with a confident expression.

No one commented on his red eyes, and how he obviously looked tired and distressed through the tough mask he was putting on.

Just when he thought his day couldn’t get any worse. Rei had decided to leave work a few hours early, realizing he just needed a day to relax and get over the stress this whole relationship issue was giving him.

Masami had called him sometime around four, telling him that she had gone to check up on Nagisa but that he wasn’t fairing well. That caused Rei’s heart to drop, and he had shakily began to pack up his things as Masami told him his physical state. He had thanked her for letting him know, but noticed that the woman seemed to be holding something back.

“Can we talk sometime soon?,” she asked, sounding nervous on the other line. “Maybe over coffee or lunch or something? I know you don’t want to see me and all but, I really need to just have a professional talk with you.” It took Rei a good minute of debating the ways this would be good and bad, before he agreed to meeting up with her the next day. He was going home for the day. He really didn’t want to go out and do anything else.

He had taken his time driving home, stopping by at his favorite restaurant and ordering two servings of his favorite dish there, heading home just a little bit happier with the paper boxes in his passenger seat.

He’d eaten one serving when he had gotten home, finishing quickly before taking a hot shower and settling down to watch a show in his pajamas. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d done this, not even caring that he got some sauce on his pajama leg as he sat immersed in the glow of the television in his living room.

He watched movie after movie, feeling all the stress from the week melt from his shoulders with each bite of his lunch, each sip of watered down sake, each passing hour. Everything was finally starting to calm down. Until he got the phone call.

Now he was convinced the world was against him. Kawayama sat in his living room, chewing on a cigarette in between his teeth (Rei sternly told him that smoking wasn’t allowed in his apartment complex, so he went to chewing on the end instead) as Rei watched him from his kitchen.

“You two got into a fight you said?,” he asked, leaning against the doorframe with a frown. What is it with everyone getting into fights nowadays? Kawayama nodded, staring blankly at the television screen as the movie played on - some cheesy documentary on butterflies.

“He was telling me what to do,” Kawayama murmured. “I mean… at least I think he was - ugh, I don’t know!” Rei sighed, grabbing the apartment’s phone off the counter and throwing it at him. The redhead struggled to catch it, cigarette falling to his lap as he yelped. There was a fumbling of hands, but he finally had it secure in his right, glaring up at Rei with a growl. “What was that for?”

“You should call him,” Rei simply said. He really didn’t want to hear the details of their fight - why it happened, how it happened, what Ukiyo said. He had enough on his plate already. “I know you’re mad at him right now, but you should let him know you’re safe somewhere.”

Kawayama just stared at the phone, cigarette in his lap long forgotten. He dialed the number slowly, as if purposely taking his time, but the sharp look from Rei told him he was doing the right thing. That he do do it.

Ukiyo didn’t pick up until the third ring. He didn’t sound overly worried, but rather tired. “Rei…?,” he asked, a shuffling behind him. He had probably been in bed. “Do you need something?”

The redhead felt tears gather in his eyes, and through clenched teeth he whispered, “Sorry, wrong number.” He hung up before Ukiyo could even respond, before he could even register his words, his voice… “Fuck,” he rasped, bringing a hand up to his face as a low sob broke free.

Rei glanced over at him sympathetically, walking over and taking the place beside him. “Why don’t you stay here tonight?,” he smiled, causing Kawayama to look up at him, shock shining through the tears. “I could use a little company.” The soft words only made Kawayama cry harder, and Rei simply wrapped an arm around him, watching the documentary as he gently rubbed the other’s shoulder.

The phone rang a few times, but neither one picked up. Rei didn’t want Kawayama to know his plans, to know that the second he was asleep the scientist would call Ukiyo, let him know Kawayama was alright.

It didn’t take long for the redhead to pass out on his couch, and Rei quickly turned off the television before leaving his side. He seemed warm enough, so he didn’t even bother with a blanket, and grabbed the phone off the table with a sigh.

Ukiyo picked up on the first dial tone this time. “Rei!? Was that Kawayama that called? Why won’t he pick up his cellphone? It says it’s disconnected, why is it - ” “Ukiyo! Calm down. He's fine.” The man on the other line fell into a silence so fast that Rei thought he'd hung up.

“He came over to my apartment, and I tried to get him to call you to let you know that he was with me.” He clicked his tongue, looking over at the redhead sleeping on the couch. “He panicked and hung up. I thought I should let you know since he's finally asleep.”

There was a deep sigh on the other end, and Rei felt a small smile curl on his lips. “Y’know Shiori,” he chuckled. “I don't think I've ever seen you this worried before. You're not one to usually lose your cool like that.”

“I know…,” Ukiyo grumbled. “But I upset Isamu and when he called me I just - I panicked. You know how that feels right?” He froze, holding the phone close to his ear as he felt his heart sink.

He did. He knew exactly how that felt. Not seeing Nagisa… he'd never suffered from insomnia before, but he found it hard to fall asleep the night before. The image of the blonde just breaking down in front of him, crying and struggling to find the right words - Rei was such a horrible person for doing that to him.

“I do,” he answered, voice quiet. “I really do. But if there's anything I know about it, it's that you should give him some time to be by himself. He's a grown man, and I'm sure he'll be okay.” There was the sound of some shuffling, some papers being filed maybe? “And you - I know you work when you're stressed. You should be in bed.”

Ukiyo laughed - a small, tired laugh. “I was in bed when Isamu first called. But now I just can't fall back asleep. I'll try though. Thank you Rei…” Rei murmured a quick goodbye before hanging up

He glanced over at the sleeping man on his couch and groaned. He'd have to set an alarm for himself to make sure he woke up before the redhead. “Goodnight Isamu,” he grumbled, turning off the lights and heading to bed. He hadn't realized how tired he was.

He slept heavily that night - insomnia didn't bother him. But a dream of a faceless blonde laughing in the dark, smile growing wider as he began to disappear, haunted Rei until he woke up.

His hands refused to stop shaking, the sweat on his back causing his shirt to stick uncomfortably against his skin. That nightmare…

He had never watched the same thing over and over before, especially in a dream. It was like a broken record - the faceless blonde just kept laughing, the same giggle, over and over and over. There were flashes of him in the arms a man. It wasn't Rei.

It wasn't until he couldn't take it anymore that he truly woke up, tears in his eyes as he struggled to calm down. This was making him sick, and it had only been two days.

It took him a few mines, but Rei managed to calm down enough to get to his feet and go to the kitchen. He needed some water - his mouth felt dry, tongue heavy. Hell - he'd even woken up before his alarm.

“Isamu shouldn't be up for a while,” he murmured to himself, grabbing a glass from his cabinet and filling it with ice cold water. The first sip was refreshing; it shocked him back into reality.

But nothing shocked him more than the tap on his shoulder. He jumped (really high, had to have been at least a foot on the air) and whirled around to face Kawayama, the redhead standing there drowsily. “Who shouldn't be up for a while?,” he chuckled, rubbing his eyes.

“Ah, you’re up.” Rei looked him over before reaching behind him, grabbing a second glass and filling it with water. “Here,” he said, handing it to his friend before leaning back on the counter. “It’ll wake you up.” Kawayama took it gladly, sipping on it before looking around the small kitchen.

“Nice place you have by the way,” he said. “I think I’ve only visited once.” Another sip. “Did you call Shiori last night? I figured that you would eventually.” Rei perked up, feeling the tips of his ears burn in embarrassment.

He chuckled, rubbing his neck at the fact that he had been caught red handed. “I did…,” he murmured. “I hope you don’t mind. He was really worried after you just hung up like that.” The redhead just shrugged, taking a long gulp of his water before putting it down.

“It’s fine. I should’ve talked to him anyway.” Kawayama glanced down at the floor, scuffing the heel of his foot on the tile. “I should probably go home, shouldn’t I?” He frowned, as though his words weren’t what he was really thinking.

“You can stay for breakfast if you’d like.” That caused him to look up, eyes wide in shock. It shouldn’t have been too surprising really, but it felt nice to know that Rei wasn’t aching to have him out of his apartment.

Kawayama just smiled, shooting him a thumbs up before walking out of the kitchen. “I’d love that. Can I borrow your shower before though? I smell like cologne.” Rei let out a loud laugh, causing Kawayama to snicker along with him. That was a yes if he’d ever heard one.

Once he had taken a shower and changed (he wore the same jeans from the night before, but Rei was kind enough to let him borrow an old t-shirt of his) the pair sat at the wooden table in the kitchen, a plate of pancakes sitting in front of them both. “It’s not a gourmet meal,” Rei chuckled. “But nothing screams comfort like pancakes.” That’s what Nagisa had told him anyway.

Kawayama just laughed again, thanking him for the food before digging in. Now and then, green eyes would glance up to look at Rei, and the smile on his face made everything better. Rei was slowly getting better. That made Kawayama’s day.

He had returned home with a heavy heart, but that was overpowered by the fullness of his belly, the warmth from how he had laughed that morning. He opened the door to see Ukiyo sitting on the couch, a cup of coffee in hand, which nearly spilled all over him at the sudden appearance.

Tears filled Kawayama’s eyes, and Ukiyo rushed up to hug him close, let him know it was okay, that he wasn’t mad. He promised he wouldn’t control the redhead anymore, and whispered over and over how much he loved him..

“I missed you,” Kawayama croaked through the tears, and he swore to himself - things will get better. For everyone.

Rei couldn’t tell if it was just nervousness or the amount of pancakes he had eaten that morning that was causing the nausea in his stomach. Sitting alone in the coffee shop was nerve-wracking, and he drummed his fingers on the rim of his coffee cup as he stared at the door, willing for Masami to appear.

He had been waiting for a good ten minutes, and it wasn’t until she had texted him five minutes ago that she let him know she was on her way. He thought she would be the type of person to be overly punctual, but then again, neither of them really wanted to meet.

“Is this seat taken?,” joked a voice, and he glanced over to see Masami standing there, decked out in summer clothes, sunglasses resting on her head. Freshly manicured nails held onto a bag with a pastry in it, another holding a cup of coffee. He could smell the hazelnut. It made him feel sick.

“Obviously not,” he scoffed, gesturing to it and watching as she sat down across from him. Was it just him or had the booth suddenly gotten more uncomfortable? He stretched and adjusted himself in the seat. “So… you wanted to talk to me?”

Masami blinked at him, her perkiness gone almost right away. Rei wanted to scoff again. What? Did she really not think he would get right into it? He really didn’t want to be here. “Oh um, yeah,” she said, chuckling nervously. “I did.” She paused, taking a deep breath before looking at Rei. He could almost see the sorrow in her eyes.

“I’m the one who ruined your relationship,” she blurted, words laced thick with desperation. “None of it was Nagisa I swear. I kiss him. I wanted to see if I still loved him, so I forced him against that wall and just kissed him. I wasn’t thinking about you or your guys’ relationship at all.”

Rei just stared for a moment before his eyes narrowed. “And why should I believe you?,” he asked. “You’re Nagisa’s closest friend. I shouldn’t have any reason to trust what you’re saying, right Masami?”

Masami just sat there with her mouth open, trying to say something but the words were just caught in her throat. She quickly took a swig of her coffee, fingers curling around it in a dangerously angry way. Was she angry? He couldn’t tell.

“You have every right not to believe me,” she rasped, glancing up at him. “But Nagisa is hurting himself. I saw him yesterday and he’s…. god Rei he’s making himself sick! I can’t stand seeing him like how he is now. He is so, so desperately in love with you. I can see it.”

Well shit. Rei hadn’t been expecting that kind of response at all. At the thought of Nagisa getting sick over this break up, he could feel his hands grow clammy as panic sunk in. “He doesn’t want to see me though, does he?,” he murmured, voice low.

“No, he doesn’t.” The response was direct, quick. He felt a pain in his chest, a literal pain from how intense those three words were. “If anything, he wants to stay away from you. But you should try to talk to him. I’m sure it would do him some good…. Somehow.”

Rei nodded, gripping onto his coffee cup tightly. “I’ll do that,” he murmured. “I… I think I believe you Masami. I’m letting you know now that…” He sighed, looking down at the table with a frown. “I don’t plan to ever forgive you for the pain you caused Nagisa.” He could care less about his own pain. Nagisa was all that mattered.

“I understand.” Masami reached over to stuff the pastry in her purse, and it wasn’t until Rei looked up that he noticed her coffee cup was a to-go cup. She hadn’t been planning to stay long either. “I hope you two work things out.”

And with that, she was gone. Rei sat there, his coffee now a sickening lukewarm, and he stared at her empty seat blankly. What was he going to do?

Chapter Text

Journal Entry 1 - July 9th; 7:38 PM

This is my first time ever writing in a journal, so I really don’t know what to say. It’s been two months since the break up with Nagisa, at least, that’s what I call it now. I don’t think it’s a pause anymore, seeing as we just can’t talk to each other any more. Sorry, that’s a little too vague. After Masami confessed to me about how everything was her fault, I took her words into consideration. It took a while for me to truly believe her, since she didn’t like me anyway, and it was far into June when I realized she was telling the truth. I can’t believe I ever doubted Nagisa. I don’t deserve to be called his boyfriend. I never deserved to be called his boyfriend.

I tried talking to Nagisa several times in June and early July. I called him and left voicemails left and right, but he never responded to them or picked up my calls. I texted him once, asking how he was doing, and if he was eating alright, and I was afraid I wouldn’t get a response. He actually texted me back three days later, saying he was eating fine and that work was okay. I texted him again to see if I could hold the conversation, but he just said he was busy. I even told him in a voicemail that I believed him now, along with what Masami said. He just doesn’t say anything in response. Is he ignoring me now?

Kawayama and Ukiyo had a few rocky weeks in their relationship as they figured things out. I mean, they did move in together just a short while after they started dating. Ukiyo told me that they actually sat down one night and made a list of things they were okay with and not okay with. Setting boundaries is a good idea, especially for them. They’re happier now (and sickly in love might I add), and I can see that they’ll go far one day. I support their relationship, and I don’t mind being the third wheel sometimes. Although, I hate that they keep apologizing for making me “sit through things with them without Nagisa with me”. That just makes me feel worse.

Oh well. This journalism thing is really new, so I’ll see if it helps me. Writing these things down on paper is kind of relaxing, so maybe I’ll continue it. Till next time I guess.

Rei Ryugazaki

Journal Entry 2 - July 13th; 5:23 AM

I had a terrifying nightmare. I figured that writing about it would calm me down, since I just can’t stop shaking. I keep dreaming of Nagisa saying he doesn’t want me anymore. I know it’s stupid, but it always ends with us standing on the top floor of a building. He tells me he doesn’t need me, that he doesn’t want me, and he pushes me. I fall and fall and I swear to god I feel real pain when I hit the ground. Waking up is worse, because I’m panicking and crying and I feel sore as all hell.

I just want this all to be over. It’s tearing me apart. I miss Nagisa so so much. I texted him probably ten times after I woke up, probably saying things I shouldn’t have. God dammit I don’t know what to do. I need to go for a run.

Rei

…

[To: Nagisa - 4:56 AM] Nagisa I’m so sorry.

[To: Nagisa - 4:58 AM] I know you hate me and you’re ignoring me but I’m just so fucking sorry.

[To: Nagisa - 5:00 AM] I don’t know what to do.

[To: Nagisa - 5:01 AM] I still love you. I still love you Nagisa.

[To: Nagisa - 5:12 AM] I’m sorry.

[To: Nagisa - 5:14 AM] I’m sorry

[To: Nagisa - 5:25 AM] I’ll stop

[To: Nagisa - 5:26 AM] Sorry

…

[From: Nagisa - 7:36 AM] i might still love you too

Journal Entry 7 - July 19th; 8:44 PM

Asai has been keeping me company more often now, and honestly, I think it’s just because he’s lonely. Kawayama and Ukiyo are in their own little bubble, and Asai isn’t really friends with any of our other colleagues. He keeps hanging around my desk or inviting me to lunch with him, and when I said no once, he looked really heartbroken. I’ve never seen Asai so clingy. Maybe something happened? I’m thinking of asking him.

The mission is less than a month away. It’s on August 11th, and the closer the date comes, the more scared I get. The rocket is finished of course, it has been for a while, so the case is closed for us. We’re still going to be present when the rocket launches, even though we aren’t allowed to talk to the astronauts when they leave. Nagisa sent me a text on that day I freaked out, saying he might still love me, but I haven’t responded to it yet. I don’t know how. I miss him so much, but I can’t show it much. My body won’t let me show it.

What’ll happen when he goes up into space? Will my love for him fade? God I hope not. He’s changed me. I’m a better person with him. Maybe I’ll ask him out to coffee again and see if he wants to talk. Till next time.

Rei Rygazaki

Journal Entry 10 - July 23rd; 3:16 PM

I have found that a good outlet for my anxiety and stress is surprisingly, work. I’ve been asking the boss for more and more work lately, and I think my friends are worried for my health. I don’t see why. I know that sleeping less than six hours a night is unhealthy, but I feel better than I have in weeks. I asked Nagisa about coffee, but he didn’t respond again. I’ve given up by this point. Work and Asai are the only things really keeping me on my feet.

Asai has been acting a little bit weird lately. Just as I suspected from my last journal entry, something is wrong, at least by the guarded look he has in his eyes when he talks to me. I asked him what was wrong when we went out to dinner last night (my treat, because he looked a little miserable over at his desk) and he kind of freaked out. He was stammering up a storm and blaming it on not getting enough sleep. I could kind of understand that - he’s wearing his glasses more than his contacts now, which means he just doesn’t have time to do them in the morning. I’m thinking about asking him to come to this small convention next week at dinner tonight.

Now, since I assume future me is asking me what the hell this all is, trust me when I say I’m not trying to woo him or make an attempt at flirting. Since Kawayama and Ukiyo are always so busy, Masami and I aren’t on best terms, and Nagisa is partially avoiding me, I don’t really have many other people to talk to. Asai is my closest friend right now, and taking him out to dinner makes me feel less lonely than I was before. Well, right now, I have to get back to work. But I’ll be sure to write again sometime soon.

Rei Ryugazaki

Journal Entry 12 - July 28th; 12:36 AM

How do you know when you’ve made a mistake?

Rei

...

[To: Nagisa - 10:37 PM] We need to talk.

[To: Nagisa - 10:37 PM] I’m tired of us ignoring each other.

[To: Nagisa - 10:38 PM] Come over. Please.

[From: Nagisa - 10:46 PM] is it important?

[To: Nagisa - 10:48 PM] No. I just want to see you.

[From: Nagisa - 10:49 PM] i cant come over sorry

[To: Nagisa - 10:50 PM] Nagisa please. I miss you. I just want to talk.

[To: Nagisa - 10:51 PM] I have Castella.

[From: Nagisa - 10:52 PM] dammit rei you know im weak for castella

[From: Nagisa - 10:53 PM] ill be over in 10

...

Seeing Nagisa was like a splash of cold water. It sent chills down his spine, and he found himself frozen at the doorway with his eyes wide. He didn’t actually think he’d come over. He did have Castella, but he didn’t think the blonde would just come over at the mention of it.

Nagisa actually looked healthier than Masami had described him last. He no longer had dark circles under his eyes, although he did look a bit skinnier, and the pale yellow cardigan clinging to his light pink Hubba Bubba t-shirt was undeniably cute, just like what he always wore. Rei gulped and stepped aside, gesturing to the kotatsu. “Thank you for coming over,” he said, watching as Nagisa smiled, he smiled, and walking into the apartment.

“Thanks for having me,” Nagisa said, and Rei thanked the gods for Nagisa having his back turned to him at the moment - just hearing his voice again made him a flustered mess. He could feel himself shaking slightly, nerves causing butterflies to take flight in his stomach (not necessarily in the good way) as he closed the door and followed him.

“Did you really want to talk, or did you just want the company?,” the blonde mused, turning to Rei with a chuckle. Rei flushed red and glanced away, suddenly shy. Nagisa was being terribly nice out of nowhere - it was as if the last few months had never happened.

He sat down at the kotatsu, Nagisa sitting on the other side and thanking for the Castella in front of them. “Honestly Nagisa,” Rei murmured, voice coming out in a rasp. “I just wanted the company. It’s… I missed seeing you.”

Nagisa hummed, taking a bite of his Castella and chewing on it thoughtfully. “I see,” he mumbled. “Well hey, I get Castella and you get company. It’s a win-win situation, right!?” He chuckled again, wiping some crumbs off his mouth with the sleeve of his cardigan and sighing.

An awkward silence settled over the two as Nagisa ate. Rei took a small bite of his own, but honestly, he wasn’t that hungry. It was late at night after all, and the effects of working nonstop for the past week was taking its toll on him. “How’s training?,” he asked after a few minutes, causing the astronaut to glance up with wide eyes.

“It’s um… interesting,” he said. “We got our suits and we’ve been testing them out. Y’know, to make sure the oxygen tanks work, and how to move around in anti-gravity without them. We’ve been doing a lot of g-force training too, to get Masami used to it. She’s really bad with g-force, and I don’t want her throwing up on me.” Another laugh.

“What about you?” Rei blinked. “You’ve been working hard too right? You look tired so, I just assumed and all…” Nagisa blushed and looked away. He was worrying about Rei. Rei felt his heart flutter a bit and put on a smile.

He took another bite of his Castella, suddenly hungrier than he was before. “It’s going well,” he said. “Asai and I have been working on this little project, and the boss is considering giving me a promotion.” Nagisa gasped before clapping a little, sticking his tongue out at the eyeroll Rei made.

“That’s a great thing Rei!,” he laughed. “I can’t believe it. You’re totally moving up in the ranks.” A great thing. Rei smiled again. For a moment, he could ignore the pain in his heart and just think to himself, things are back to normal.

It wasn’t until the awkward silence fell upon them again when he realized there was something in the air. He felt on edge, glancing over at Nagisa now and then as he talked about what he’s not going to be looking forward to in space (he thought he said eating space food, but he wasn’t paying attention). Stealing glances at him probably wasn’t something he should be doing at ten at night, but he hadn’t seen him in so long.

He looks even more beautiful than when I last saw him. Nagisa stopped talking and looked up with wide eyes, Rei blinking over at him in confusion. “What’s wrong?,” he asked, question hanging heavy in the air. The blonde just blinked before Rei noticed a deep blush on his face.

“You said… I was beautiful.” Shit. Had he said that out loud? Rei stammered, trying to find a way to apologize, but the words just wouldn’t come out, and Nagisa looked stunningly pretty, and why was he moving from his seat, wouldn’t he be repulsed - ?

Rei couldn’t register the fact that the Castella had been basically shoved off the table, and that Nagisa had fully leaned over it to grab Rei’s face and yank him into a heated kiss. It took him a few seconds, but he soon found that he was tangling his fingers in Nagisa’s hair (god why was it so fucking soft?) and was kissing him like death was at his doorstep.

“Ugh, I fucking missed you Rei,” Nagisa whispered in heated breaths, pulling away to climb over the table and somehow manage to straddle Rei’s lap, pressing a rough kiss to the taller man’s collarbone before stretching his neck back. “I need you. I’ve needed you for so damn long.”

Rei didn’t even say a word, one hand pressing against Nagisa’s back, the other sliding under his shirt and up his stomach, fingers skimming over his skin gently. He felt smooth and warm to the touch, and he stared at the way his back arched with lust-blown eyes.

“I missed you too Nagisa,” he purred, leaning forward to press hard kisses to his pale neck, his shoulders, his jaw. He bit into the side of his neck, relishing at how Nagisa seemed to basically keen and gasp that he wanted more, that he needed more. Rei was more than happy to oblige.

He grazed his teeth over his collarbone, dragging a finger slowly up Nagisa’s spine and chuckling darkly at the way he shivered. Was this what it felt like to have control? He’d never felt so exhilarated in his life. “I know that you need more,” he murmured in the shorter one’s ear. “But you won’t get it unless you ask for it, Nagisa…”

Rei pulled away to pull Nagisa’s cardigan off, then his shirt, letting out a deep breath as he looked Nagisa up and down. The blonde blushed hard, trying to look away from his intense stare, but the way his neck was already bruising with lovemarks, his chest and shoulders flushing red in the heat of the moment - Rei couldn’t look away even if he wanted to.

“Please,” Nagisa whimpered. “I need more. Please Rei…” That was all he needed to drive him over the edge. His growled the astronaut’s name, pulling him into a fierce kiss that he could barely keep up with, fingers meddling with the button of his jeans in the haste to have them off. Hell, he didn’t even care about the bedroom. He just wanted to bend Nagisa over and fuck him on the kotatsu, that’s how desperate he was.

Nagisa seemed to notice the desire in his movements, the way he practically manhandled him out of his clothes, squeezing his thighs from where he sat in his lap, his soft gasps causing a devious smirk he had never seen before grow on Rei’s lips.

This was it. This was how he died. Rest in peace Nagisa Hazuki. He was a loving brother, son, friend, and astronaut. He will definitely be remembered. God what a eulogy that would be - dying from Rei looking like he was going to devour him right there and then.

His breath hitched as Rei trailed a finger down the curve of his hip, chuckling to himself as he scanned over Nagisa with pure hunger in his eyes. “I have missed this…,” he mused. “I forgot how stunning you were when you were this vulnerable to me Nagisa.”

Rei’s breath tickled his skin, lips grazing over him gently as he firmly grasped his waist. The repetitive whispers of the blonde’s name was all Nagisa could hear, and he was lost to the absolute pleasure of falling apart in Rei’s arms all over again.

Rei was insanely rough with him. He would definitely have a sore back in the morning (having sex on the kotatsu was hard on his body, but he felt too good at the time to care), and he had passed out almost immediately after climbing into Rei’s bed.

The scientist cleaned up the mess in the living room, glancing over at the kotatsu and Nagisa’s strewn clothes with… guilt. His heart was heavy, and he was almost nauseous at how guilty he felt. He picked up one article of clothing after another, folding them and laying them down on the desk in his bedroom.

He felt horrible all of a sudden. Sure, it felt absolutely amazing to have sex with Nagisa again. He even felt a little bit of pride at the amount of marks littered over the blonde’s body. But then again, they hadn’t really gotten back together had they…?

Rei went to bed with a lot on his mind, but fell asleep almost instantly. He didn’t wake up until he realized he was cold, reaching over to the other side of the bed to grab the covers there. The covers… He gasped, sitting upright and blinking in the darkness, groping around to try and find a trace of Nagisa.

His side of the bed was cold. Rei quickly turned on his bedside light, snatching his glasses off the small table next to his bed and looking at his desk. There was a note on it, and the clothes were gone. God fucking dammit. He was gone!

With tears in his eyes, pure anger pulsing through his veins, he got up and paced the room. Everything went white, and it took him a moment to realize his fist was in agonizing pain, that there was a dent in his wall. A dent in his wall. His knuckles were bleeding.

At that, he sat down at the desk and skimmed over the letter. Rei I am so sorry but I had to leave. I can’t do this with you again. I woke up and I just felt so guilty about it all - I hope you understand. We shouldn’t talk for the time being. I’m so, so sorry. Goodnight. Nagisa.

Rei had never felt that angry in his entire life. He practically shredded the letter in his hands. Oh he understood. He understood perfectly. He felt guilty too, but he at least expected Nagisa to wait till morning and tell him in person. What time was it anyway? Twelve in the fucking morning. Great.

He grabbed his notebook and pen, jotting down his words angrily. It was just one sentence, but that’s all he needed to write. How do you know when you’ve made a mistake? he wrote. He asked himself that thousands of times that night, insomnia his only friend. He was so fucking stupid, thinking that Nagisa would stay with him.

Nagisa didn’t text him again after that. Rei sent out a text several times a day, just simply asking Why? I thought you loved me still? I still love you, I hope you know that. Why Nagisa? Why? If only he could answer that question himself.

Journal Entry 15 - August 4th; 7:06 PM

No response still. I’ve given up on trying to contact him now. Maybe having sex with him was a mistake. I think just having him visit my apartment was a mistake in itself. I just desperately need to see him again because I’m running out of time. I’m running out of time and honestly I’m terrified that he won’t love me ever again. I, Rei Ryugazaki, have never freaked out like this in the entirety of my life. He’s driving me crazy - I should have never broken up with him in the first place. I’m such an idiot.

The mission is literally seven days away. Exactly a week. He’s going to be gone for two plus years, and when he does, I’ll risk losing him forever. I know he’s busy prepping at the launch site so I can’t see him yet, but I have to try before he leaves. He won’t answer my texts or calls and I’m just panicking now.

I think I’ll go to bed. If I don’t, I’ll end up staying up late again. Night.

Rei Ryugazaki

Journal Entry 16 - August 8th; 8:58 PM

Since the launch site is in a different part of the country, and the scientists are allowed to go and watch the launch, Asai, Kawayama, Ukiyo and I are all catching a redeye flight in an hour. I’m waiting in the airport currently, as Kawayama and Ukiyo went off to go buy us something for a late night snack. Asai is asleep on my shoulder, so I’m trying not to wake him up as I write. We’re going to do a lot of sightseeing before the final launch day, which is why we’re leaving so early.

Asai has been really tired lately, as explained by the fact that this super hyper man is asleep on my shoulder. I’m scared that if I wake him up, I’ll be waking a demon. I do not want to take those chances. I’ve heard he’s terrifying when he wakes up early. Oh well.

I texted Nagisa to let him know we would be at his launch day, along with the party they’re going to throw on the 10th. They aren’t allowed any alcohol, since that’s the night before their launch, but then again, they won’t launch until an hour or two before sunset on the 11th. I’m hoping to catch him at the party. He did respond to my text saying that he didn’t want to see me before the launch but screw him. I need to see him. He can’t ignore me forever.

Till next time I suppose.

Rei Ryugazaki

Chapter Text

The city was tremendously pretty. Rei was shaken awake by Asai at five in the morning (there was a time change, so in reality, they hadn’t been traveling long) and he had groggily peered over Asai and out the window, seeing the soft pink and yellow rays of the sun coming up over the horizon.

There weren’t a lot of large buildings, but then again, he couldn’t really see well due to his glasses being off. The sunrise was blurry, but it was pretty all the same. “Beautiful,” he murmured, and Asai smiled beside him.

“I know right? I thought you’d like to see it, so I woke you up.” Rei chuckled, rubbing his eyes and sitting up (he had the seat next to the aisle, so apparently he had been sleeping on Asai’s shoulder) and fumbled around in his jacket pocket for his glasses. He slid them on and blinked a few times before stretching.

“Thanks Asai,” he yawned, trying to get the grogginess out of his system. “But it’s still pretty early right? Are we descending?” Asai nodded, and Rei took another glance out the window to see that they were descending, the buildings small, and the small sliver of sunlight causing the coast to just sparkle.

He was excited to explore to city, maybe take a few pictures or some tours. The four of them were excited to not only watch the launch, but to basically have a vacation. “We should go to the beach,” Asai grinned, causing Rei to scoff and shift in his seat.

“I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to freeze to death. Do you see the clouds?” He was right. It was very overcast, despite the sunlight, but the sun would be hidden soon enough. “You’d have to ask Ukiyo and Kawayama though.” The pair glanced across the aisle to see that Kawayama’s head was on the window, a trail of drool coming down from the corner of his mouth. Ukiyo had his elbow on the armrest with his chin in his hand, snoring softly.

Asai giggled. “I don’t think they’ll be up unless we wake them,” he snickered. “Care to do the honors?” Rei groaned, his smile betraying the roll of his eyes. He reached over, his smile only growing wider as he pushed Ukiyo’s arm out from under his head.

His head fell, but he immediately jerked awake, quickly sitting up and looking around the cabin with sleepy eyes. “Rei what the fuck?,” he snapped, words coming out in a sleep-heavy mumble. “Not cool. Not cool…” He rubbed his nose with his wrist, sniffling and glancing over at Kawayama. “Why would you wake me up before him?,” he groaned.

Asai and Rei both laughed, causing a few other passengers to shush them angrily. “Sorry, sorry,” Asai snickered, sitting back in his seat with a smile. “It was fun seeing your face when you woke up though. You looked so scared.”

Another bout of laughter, this time with Ukiyo. Kawayama shuffled in his seat and peered at the three of them with half-lidded eyes. “Can you guys just shut up already?,” he grumbled. “I was having the best dream ever, and your laughing just ruined it all.” By this point, the trio couldn’t stop laughing anymore. Maybe it was the exhaustion of a long red eye flight, or being woken up so early, but the laughter filling the cabin just promised them a good day.

Soon enough, they landed, and the four of them stumbled out of the plane, the cold breeze coming through the gap between the plane and the ramp definitely waking them all up. “Let’s go get some breakfast and then go find the hotel,” Ukiyo said, satchel slung over his shoulder (Kawayama slung over the other shoulder).

Asai nodded in agreement, tightening the straps of his backpack with a giggle and a skip in his step. He was wearing his glasses, but they were a bit askew on his face - no one seemed to care though. Rei thought he looked a bit funny, having glasses himself, and pointed it out, but Asai just stuck his tongue out and told him to relax. It was vacation. Stop looking at the little details.

He found himself chuckling anyway, and realized it would be a good day after all. They grabbed breakfast in one of the small restaurants in the airport, drinking overly strong coffee (airport coffee, Rei mused) and eating in silence. They were still tired, but hopefully they would wake up after the warm meal.

They had to either walk or go by taxi, Ukiyo had mentioned, the four of them agreeing on taking a taxi to their hotel due to their suitcases and bags. Rei really didn’t want to walk all the way to the hotel with his computer in a bag slung over his shoulder. “You said it was by the beach right?,” he asked, causing Asai to perk up and his eyes to grow bright. Ukiyo laughed at the response and nodded.

“We gotta go to the beach you guys!,” Asai yelped once they got into the hotel lobby. They had listened to him chatter on about the beach the entire way there, and with a groan, Kawayama slapped a hand over Asai’s mouth.

“We get it,” he groaned. “We’ll go to the beach Asai, but don’t complain when we all get sick from how cold it is.” Asai shrugged, watching as Ukiyo went to go get their room keys. “I’m obviously taking the room with Shiori,” Kawayama added. “So you two will have to stay in the other room.”

Rei shrugged. He didn’t mind. The tap on his shoulder caused him to startle though. “I sometimes snore in my sleep,” Asai murmured, glancing away as though he was… embarrassed? The red tint on his cheeks just confirmed Rei’s suspicions. “I hope that doesn’t bother you.”

Rei stared, but found a soft chuckle leaving his lips after a second. Nagisa snored. It wasn’t something he wasn’t used to. “That’s alright,” he said, patting Asai on the back. “We won’t be sleeping in the same bed anyway. You won’t bother me at all.” The bright smile on Asai’s face made him know he said something right.

“Okay!,” Ukiyo said, clapping his hands and causing the pair to look over at him. “Here’s your key.” He tossed it to them, swinging his own on his finger. “Let’s meet back in the lobby in ten minutes? It shouldn’t take that long to get ready for the beach.” Asai nodded, grabbing the key out of Rei’s hand and wandering off.

“Thanks Dad!” Rei rolled his eyes as Ukiyo snapped back at the white-haired scientist, but he was already too far gone. He nodded to Kawayama, a silent gesture of saying 'we’ll be back' and went off after Asai. For some reason, he felt like the man would get lost.

Surprisingly, he didn’t get lost, and he found Asai in their room, crashing on the bed nearest to the window. “These beds are so comfy ~ ” His suitcase was against the wall, jacket seeming to drown the scientist. He was just a blob of black on the crisp white sheets. Rei snickered.

“I thought you wanted to go to the beach?,” he mused, setting his suitcase down on the floor and unzipping it. “If you want to sleep, I guess the others and I will go without you. We’re sightseeing tomorrow anyway, so today’s the only day open for the beach.” Asai peered up from under his jacket hood with a smile.

The pair quickly got dressed (Asai wouldn’t stop teasing Rei for bringing his old swim team swimsuit - “That thing is too professional for the beach!”) and rushed out into the lobby, finding Kawayama lounging in one of the chairs with a pair of shades and a coffee. Ukiyo was nowhere to be found. “You guys took forever,” he said, looking quite amused as Asai complained about how he had to search through his suitcase for his own swimsuit.

“Ukiyo’s grabbing us some towels from the pool deck,” the redhead added, basically reading the pair’s minds before taking a long sip of his coffee. “We realized that neither of us packed towels, and assumed you guys probably didn’t either.” The man-in-question came around the corner, purple hair tucked under a (ridiculous) hat, with several towels slung over his shoulder.

A chorus of ‘Thank you Dad!’ rang through the lobby, and after receiving a glare from Ukiyo as he passed out the towels, the group hurried out the door and down the walkway to the beach. It was great that their hotel was right on the edge of it, the seabreeze clearing Rei’s senses and waking him up (not to mention it was cold out).

Kawayama and Asai instantly dumped their things on the beach and stripped down to their swimsuits, running into the freezing water with a squeal and a laugh. Rei chuckled, setting his towel down on the ground. The sand was slightly warm, feeling nice under his feet, as he kicked his sandals off and sat down on the towel.

Ukiyo took a place beside him, sighing as he watched the other two play in the waves. It was silent between the two for a while, until Ukiyo broke the silence with a quiet voice. “Will you be okay?” Rei blinked, looking over at him in confusion. “You know… when Nagisa leaves and everything.”

Rei pursed his lips, drawing a circle in the semi-wet sand with his toe. He realized his arms were riddled with goosebumps, the cold air blowing on the back of his neck. He didn’t really know how to answer his friend’s question, and glanced down at his lap with a frown.

Ukiyo was patient. He sat there waiting for an answer, the happy outcries of Kawayama being pushed under the water being the only sound besides the crashing of the waves and the rushing of the wind. It wasn’t until another twenty minutes later that Rei actually spoke.

“I hope so.” Ukiyo perked up, looking over at Rei with wide eyes. He nodded when Rei glanced back, silently telling him to continue. “I mean… he doesn’t really want me at the party, but I’m going anyway.” He let out a small, cold laugh. “What kind of a person does that right?”

The purple-haired scientist looked out to the ocean. “I don’t know Rei,” he murmured. “I think a lot of people do. Don’t think you’re a bad person just for wanting to try to repair things.” The pair grew quiet, and it took Ukiyo a while to realize Rei was smiling.

-

Asai sneezed for the fifth time that evening. Rei groaned, reaching over from his bed to hand Asai a tissue. “If you’re getting a cold, then I get to say I told you so about that beach idea.” The white-haired scientist sniffled and blew his nose, tossing the tissue across the room before rolling around in his bed.

“I knowwwww. You don’t need to chastise me Rei.” Asai’s long hair was splayed out over the pillow in a frizzled mess, having not cared to brush it after he took a shower. His nose had been running for the past hour, and the sneezing had gone on for the past two.

As Asai complained through a nasally voice, Rei couldn’t help but think back to Ukiyo’s words. ‘Will you be okay?’ That was a good question. Quite honestly, Rei really didn’t know. He was trying to repair things, sure, but he was desperate to just get Nagisa to be on good terms with him again. He missed him.

“Are you even listening to me Rei?” The scientist blinked himself out of his thoughts, perking up as he looked over at Asai, who was now sitting on the edge of his bed. “I was asking if you were tired or something. Obviously you are - you didn’t hear half of what I said.” Rei chuckled. Yeah, he was a little tired.

“Maybe we should go to bed then?,” Asai continued, frowning as Rei barely responded. “We do have that party tomorrow…” His voice drifted off, his gaze flickering over to the window as he softly bit his lip. “I bet you’re excited to see Nagisa, huh?” His voice was quiet.

Now that caught Rei’s attention. His breath hitched, and he couldn’t help but stare at Asai. “Asai…?,” he murmured. The other scientist was quiet, still looking out the window, a sad smile painted on his face. Rei’s chest felt heavy. Why did something feel off?

“Hm?” Asai turned slowly to face Rei, blinking and putting on a cheerful face that was obviously fake. What are you hiding from me Asai…? “Oh, sorry. I was just thinking that tomorrow will be your chance to make things right with him, y’know?” He laid back down on his bed, toying with some of his hair with a heavy sigh. What are you hiding?

The room grew quiet very quickly, and Rei gasped as he realized he had said that aloud. “I - I mean! You’ve just been really off lately, and honestly I’m a bit worried? Being your friend and all… Nothing’s wrong though right? You’re okay? Is all my complaining getting to you?” Asai held up a hand - a silent gesture for Rei to stop talking.

“I’m fine,” he croaked. “We should go to sleep.” He flipped over on his side, trembling as he clutched his pillow close to his face. Rei kept staring, and Asai could feel his pillow growing damp with tears as he struggled to stay quiet, struggled to not let Rei know he was being destroyed inside.

“Okay,” Rei muttered, reaching over to turn off the light. “Goodnight Jirou…” Asai felt his body freeze, and a shaky breath left his lips as he bit onto the pillow, forcing back a sob. Don’t say my first name like that. Please Rei, please don’t. Asai didn’t fall asleep until Rei’s breathing evened out, and he slept in a restless repetition of nightmares. Whether it be from the oncoming cold or the one-sided love, he didn’t know.

-

Kawayama hadn’t caught a cold, but Asai certainly did. It was cold and rainy the next day, so the four of them were bundled up in sweaters and large coats. Asai kept complaining about how his face mask itched, but his continuous sneezes and small coughs were enough reason to keep it on.

Ukiyo decided at breakfast that day that they shouldn’t let the weather outside hinder the fact that they wanted to explore the city. They walked around as a group, carrying large umbrellas and popping into a store every now and then. The buzz of the town was about the launch the next day, how it was the most exciting thing Japan had experienced in a while. Rei would grimace and turn away, listening to Kawayama with one of his wacky stories instead.

Rei would be lying if he said he wasn’t on tenterhooks - Asai was basically avoiding him as much as he could, and Ukiyo continuously talking about the party that night was leaving him anxious and quite honestly, scared. He didn’t know what Nagisa would do when he saw him at the party. I don’t want you to come, he had said.

Yet the scientist felt the tension melt off his shoulders when Asai turned to him with wide eyes, excitedly pointing at the window of a store across the street. “I know we brought suits and everything, but those shirts look fantastic! You’d look so good in that purple one Rei!” Kawayama and Ukiyo laughed, agreeing with Ukiyo as Rei blushed. “Let’s go try it on!”

And with that, Rei was being dragged across the street by his three friends, and wait a second, these weren’t his co workers, these were his friends. He felt himself smile, the chime of the door opening a happy melody in his ears. Maybe things could get better.

If things could get better, then how did Rei end up at an overcrowded party in a fancy, intricately styled dress-shirt with a cocktail in his hand? He felt like his heart was racing a mile a minute, sweating badly despite the dim lighting, and he thanked his past self for putting on too much deodorant before he came to the party.

Kawayama and Ukiyo had abandoned him immediately, going off to the bar to sit and have a few drinks together. They were probably off dancing somewhere now, since as Rei scanned the bar he couldn’t see them. Asai had stayed by his side for a while, but after a push from Rei, telling him to go have some fun, the scientist reluctantly left to go talk to some people on the other side of the room.

Nagisa was nowhere to be seen. Rei had been here for an hour, and no matter how hard he looked, he couldn’t find the blonde anywhere. By this point, he just wanted to throw the drink back and go to the hotel and sleep.

Then he saw him. Blonde hair and all, sipping on a can of soda as he chatted with a few people from his department. He looked healthier, his eyes shining as he animatedly chattered on about something; like he always did. Rei felt a slight blush rise on his cheeks as a small smile curled on his lips. At least he looked happy. Maybe he should just leave....

One of the guys Nagisa was talking to, a tall man with olive hair and kind eyes, had caught his stare however, and tapped the blonde’s shoulder before gesturing to Rei. The scientist froze and quickly turned away, sipping his drink (more like gulping it) as though he hadn’t been staring at his boyfriend (ex? he didn’t know).

“You’re terrible at listening to people, you know that right?” He jumped at the voice behind him, and turned to see Nagisa standing there, one hand on his hip, his soda in the other. Rei chuckled nervously, tapping his finger on his glass before seeing a small smile stretch on Nagisa’s lips. “I know I told you not to come to the party but, I guess I’m kind of glad you didn’t listen.” What?

Rei stayed silent, opting to sip his drink to let Nagisa continue talking. The blonde noticed the gesture, and his small smile turned into a grin as he set his soda down on the table and bounced on his feet a little. “I’ve just been super nervous lately so, while I didn’t want you to come, I really wanted you to come?” He gestured behind him to the man with olive hair. “That’s Makoto - Haru’s boyfriend. I think I mentioned him once.”

Now that Rei looked closely, he saw Haru behind the man, a smile on the smaller man’s face as they talked. “I see,” he nodded, smiling a little. “I’ll introduce myself later. But for now…” He turned to Nagisa, taking in his presence and letting out a breath he had no idea he was holding. He wanted to be nice, he wanted to take in the moment and lie to himself, just for tonight. But he knew he couldn’t.

“It’s great to see you too Nagisa,” he murmured. “But… I think we should talk. Seriously. You’re leaving tomorrow and honestly, I think you know we need to talk too.” The astronaut sighed, picking up his soda and taking a long swig before tugging on Rei’s sleeve.

“Then let’s sit at the bar,” he grumbled. A pause. “Also, nice shirt.” He walked off, waving to a few people he obviously knew and thanking others for their congratulations. Rei just followed silently, realizing that for once, he had no idea what he was supposed to say.

He watched as Nagisa took the nearest seat, saving the empty one next to him. It was a miracle he had managed to find two empty seats in this large throng of people, but Rei could only muse to himself a little before he sat down. Kawayama and Ukiyo were a few seats away, the redhead trying to convince his boyfriend to let him have one cigarette, just one.

There was an awkward silence for a second, Nagisa ordering himself a second soda before turning to Rei and crossing his ankles. Rei knew that gesture. It was his quiet way of telling him to speak. The blue-haired man just cleared his throat, tapping his knee before speaking.

“What are we?” Nagisa looked taken aback, telling Rei that he definitely wasn’t expecting that in their conversation. “You keep ignoring me… and then whenever we meet up it’s really tense. I just want to put it right out there Nagisa - I won’t be seeing you for a while. What are we?”

There was a pregnant pause, the astronaut quiet as the bartender came up and slid his soda across the bartop. He took it in his hand and held it for a good few moments before taking a sip, lips trembling slightly against the rim of the can. Nagisa let out a small sigh before glancing up. His eyes made him seem hesitant. “You decide.”

Eh? Rei blinked, his glasses feeling like they were too far down his nose, but one hand held his drink and the other laid limply on his thigh. He got to decide? What the fuck did that mean? Maybe it was the two drinks in his system, or the loudness of the crowd and music around him, or maybe even the tightness of his collar and the heat under his long sleeves - he felt like he was buzzing, holding some unknown emotion.

“I decide?,” he echoed, tilting his head slightly and looking Nagisa over with an analytical gaze, scrutinizing him under low-hung lenses and glassy eyes. Maybe he was a little drunk. “You’re telling me to decide?” Nagisa licked his lips before nodding, hesitant.

So, Rei decided. He was done with the games - he was done with how Nagisa ignored him after anything important happened, how he left and pretended they didn’t have sex that night, how he ignored the fact that he was making himself sick. Nagisa definitely looked thinner, but Masami had sent him a few texts after their talk to let him know that Nagisa had started eating again, that he was sleeping better.

He brought his glass up to his lips, taking his time with drinking the rest of his liquor down to the last dregs that gathered beneath the ice, before setting it down on the bartop. He pushed his glasses back up his nose, closing his eyes as he hummed slightly, contemplating his words, calming his thoughts.

When he opened his eyes again, he saw that Nagisa was on the edge of his stool, rocking his body slightly and tapping the toe of his shoe on the floor. “Okay.” The word left Rei calmly, causing Nagisa to perk up as his eyes scanned the scientist’s face. “If you’re going to keep playing a child’s game of hide-and-seek, then I see no reason for us to continue our relationship. I am not a child, and I don’t have time for these games.”

Nagisa’s expression fell, his face crumpling into a look of hurt and despair, his mouth opening and closing, opening and closing, as if he wanted to say something. Rei was slightly surprised, but he hid it easily; he never thought he would render the blonde speechless. He slid off his stool, getting to his feet and brushing off his shirt.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I wanted to do some more sight-seeing before the launch tomorrow.” He bowed, refusing to look Nagisa in the eye before turning away, walking off to find Asai. Nagisa didn’t make a move to follow him, sitting rigidly in his stool with the soda left abandoned on the bartop.

The scientist moved through the crowd quickly, seeing Asai in a chair, sipping a beer as he kicked his feet back and forth, sneakers scuffing on the ground. He caught sight of Rei and perked up, eyes sparkling momentarily before his face fell. “Is everything okay Rei?,” he questioned, getting to his feet, beer in hand. Dammit. How can he just see through me like that?

“I’m fine,” Rei snapped, voice coming out more venomous than he intended. He reached for Asai’s wrist, grabbing it roughly. “Wanna get out of here?” Asai stared at him with wide eyes, the golden hue looking like a molten honey in the dark light, brows raised high in shock. Rei lessened his grip on the other man’s wrist, making sure to hold it gently - he didn’t want to take his anger out on his friend.

“S - sure,” Asai stammered, waving a waiter over and giving him his half empty glass of beer. “Yeah, sure, Rei…” His eyes flickered down to the hand on his wrist, then back up to Rei’s face. Rei felt a twinge of something - guilt? It tugged at his heart in a way that made his stomach churn unpleasantly.

He didn’t let go of the white-haired man’s wrist, dragging him through the crowd to the entrance. He could have sworn he saw Nagisa looking his way, could have sworn he saw a pure look of distraught on his face. Rei shook his head, leading Asai out into the cold night, a light drizzle making the streets shine in the light.

“Wherever you want to go,” Rei blurted, the words leaving his mouth before he realized what he was saying. “I’ll go wherever you want to go Asai.” The other man just stared at him, Rei realizing he had managed to successfully stun him once more.

Asai just simply nodded, and before Rei could even think, he felt a surprisingly cold hand in his. Asai tugged on him, walking quickly down the street with Rei just a step behind. Rei couldn’t stop staring at the hand that had taken his, surprisingly delicate fingers wound with his own. He also couldn’t find it in himself to let go.

“Your hand is cold,” he mumbled, speaking his thoughts in a huff of heated breath. It was really cold outside, and he hadn’t expected to be walking, so he had left his coat behind. Asai didn’t say a word, leading him down the street in a chilling silence. The light drizzle was slowly starting to turn into a gentle rain, and Rei felt raindrops slipping down his glasses and onto his nose.

It seemed to take them forever, but as Rei gently wiped the sprinkle of water on his glasses off with the sleeve of his shirt, he realized they were back at the hotel. The building was in view just a block away, and he squeezed Asai’s hand quizzically, trying to get his attention. Asai’s body seized up slightly, and as he turned to look back at Rei, the latter of the two realized there was a faint blush spreading from Asai’s cheeks to his ears.

“Sorry um… I’ll explain when we get inside, okay? I have a plan, I swear…” Rei just nodded, understanding that Asai had an idea behind this. He would do anything for his friend to feel better by this point - seeing him in a tired, dejected state for the past couple of weeks was nerve wracking.

Within a couple minutes, as Rei realized Asai’s hand was finally warm again, they were passing through the lobby and on towards their room. Asai was fumbling around with something in his pocket, his hand tightening its grip on Rei’s for a moment before he let go. He brought out the card key to their room and rushed up to unlock it, holding the door open for Rei to go in first.

“Get dressed in your pajamas,” he ordered, trying to make his voice sound demanding. Rei chuckled, no, laughed at the notion, causing Asai to pout and shove him. “Shoo.” Rei’s laugh died down to a small giggle, and as Asai picked up the telephone from the bedside table, twirling his finger in the cord, Rei had slipped away into the bathroom with his pajamas. He could faintly hear Asai through the wall, but couldn’t exactly make out what he was saying.

“I ordered some hamburgers and fries and two large shakes from room service!,” Asai announced proudly, Rei coming out of the room with a raised brow. Asai had also changed into his pajamas, a simple white tee that was far too big on him, black sweatpants rolled up to his calves. He sat cross legged on his bed, the remote to the television in his hand.

The television turned on with a slight crackled, and Asai patted a spot next to him on his bed. Rei paused for a moment before climbing on, sitting next to Asai as well as crossing his legs. “What shall we watch?,” Asai asked, eyes sparkling again as he looking at the television screen. “You like documentaries right? What about that new one on the behavior of birds that you were talking about last week?”

Rei laughed again. “If it’s on there, sure,” he said, speaking for the first time in the past hour. Asai smiled, switching through the movies and gasping when he found the one he was looking for. Rei went quiet again, observing Asai as he selected the movie, agreeing to pay the fee for watching it. Asai seemed a lot happier.

A half hour later, that feeling in Rei’s gut had disappeared. He had no idea how they had gotten that way, a tray of half-eaten burgers and fries sitting on Rei’s bed, Asai’s head on Rei’s lap, eyes half closed, hair splayed out around him. Rei had no idea where to put his hands, so decided on putting them behind him. The lights were off, the only light being the television. Rei glance down at Asai, then back at the television with a sigh.

“Thank you, Jirou.” The words stunned Asai, his body freezing, breath hitched again as his cheeks grew hot. “This means a lot to me y’know.” Asai took a chance, gently turning his head to look back up at Rei, hoping he was simply watching the movie as he spoke. Golden eyes met purple, and he felt an unexplainable heat rush through him, heart fluttering in his chest. God dammit Jirou, keep it under wraps! You’re here to help your friend you dumbass!

He smiled softly, Rei smiling right back before turning his attention to the movie once more. “This part’s amazing,” he whispered, eyes wide with fascination. “Just look at how beautiful their feathers are.” Asai looked back at the screen, seeing the birds flutter around. Rei was right. They were rather pretty.

Asai didn’t know when it was he had fallen asleep. All he knew was that when he woke up, he didn’t think he could blush as deeply as he was. His face was bright red, ears and neck burning as he looked up at Rei, the slightly taller man’s body basically wrapped around Asai’s. They must have moved sometime during the night, their heads on the pillows at the top of the bed and their legs tangled together. Rei’s arm was draped gently over Asai’s waist and oh god this was too much.

“T - the launch!,” he exclaimed, voice far too loud for six in the morning. “It’s in a few hours, right Rei?” He wrangled himself out from under Rei, rolling off the bed and getting to his feet. His hair was a tangled mess above his head, but he’d figure that out later. Rei groaned from his place in bed, eyes barely cracked open.

“What time is it?,” Rei groaned, voice hoarse with sleep. He reached up to rub his eyes, vision still blurred as he fumbled around for his glasses. A cold hand slid them into his own warm one, and he slid his glasses on and blinked a few times before looking up at Asai. “Time?”

Asai reached to grab his own glasses, sliding them on and pursing his lips. “It’s a little past six,” he mumbled. “But I remember you wanted to get breakfast before then, and we gotta be there at nine right…?” Rei blinked, sitting still for a second before scrambling to his feet. He was basically scattering things across the room, trying to get a pair of slacks and a clean tee out of his suitcase.

“You’re right!,” he gasped. “We’re gonna be late at this rate!” Asai chuckled to himself, watching as Rei hurried into the bathroom to get ready. He took his time, slipping on a pair of faded jeans and a baggy tee, Rei coming out of the bathroom just as he was trying to decide how to tame his mane of white hair.

“I’m going to see if Ukiyo and Kawayama are up yet,” Rei said, grabbing his coat from inside the closet and slipping it on. “I’ll meet you in the lobby, yeah? Seems like you’ll need time…” He gestured to the hairbrush in Asai’s hand, and the two shared a laugh before Rei reached for the door.

As Asai began to brush out the tangles in his hair, he heard a stifled scream from the room next to him, the distinctive squak he knew only Rei could make, followed by him stammering “P - put on some clothes! I did not need to know what you two were doing!” Asai giggled, continuing to brush his hair.

Before long, he had managed to detangle it and tie it back in somewhat of a messy bun (at least that’s what he assumed it was, it was still too early to function properly). Rei and the others had already headed to the lobby, and he smiled when he saw them with a jump and a wave. “Are we ready to get breakfast?,” he said, looking up at the clock. It was seven.

Rei nodded, gesturing for the group to head out the door. “We need to have breakfast and be at the facility by nine, so we have about two hours to do so. I believe you had a place in mind Kawayama?,” he chirped, turning to the redhead with pursed lips. The latter of the two nodded, telling them it was right down the street and that it wouldn’t take long to be in and out.

Through the entirety of breakfast, Rei felt nausea and nerves eating away at his stomach, managing to eat a bowl of fruit before he decided he wasn’t hungry anymore. Asai eyed him from the side, worry flashing in his eyes, but it wasn’t long before he was distracted with some stupid joke Kawayama spewed.

Rei couldn’t stop thinking about Nagisa. Even though it probably seemed like he had slept well the night before, his sleep was riddled with sporadic nightmares and a restlessness that he just couldn’t shake. All his thoughts were on what he had said. Rei would admit - he was a mess when it came to his feelings.

Having never fallen as deeply in love as he had with Nagisa, he didn’t know exactly what to do. Had he really been angry that night? Maybe he was just being stubborn… No, he knew he was being stubborn. Shit - he really didn’t think he would be okay. Ukiyo’s words flashed in his mind again. ‘Will you be okay?’

“Hey,” he murmured over the rim of his coffee cup, causing his three friends to pause in their feast and look up at him. “I called Nagisa a child and told him I wouldn’t be toyed with anymore last night.” Everyone grew silent, the soft stirring of Asai’s spoon in his tea stopping, Ukiyo’s hitched breath causing Rei to cast his gaze down at the table. “I think I handled the situation wrong.”

He bit his lip, pushing his glasses up his nose with one hand while drumming his fingers on the table with the other. “I know this is a lot to ask of you guys, but I need help. Today is the last chance I’ll be able to see him… I mean, if I get to see him - what can I say to fix it?”

Asai coughed into his hand, busying himself with taking a long, loud sip of his tea. Kawayama clicked his tongue, spoon twirling around in his cereal as he thought. Ukiyo seemed to be at a loss for words, muttering a few things quickly under his breath as though he was trying to come up with the right thing to say.

Kawayama was the first to speak up. “Well you fucked up, right?” Ukiyo punched him in the shoulder, and he let out a whine before slapping his hand away and continuing. “If you really want to make things up to him, you gotta just grow a pair and apologize to him in person.” Rei opened his mouth to speak, but the redhead held his hand up, interrupting him.

“I know there’s a chance he might not accept your apology. But two plus years in space is a lot of thinking time. If you apologize now, there might be a chance you guys can begin to patch things up when he returns.” Rei looked up at that, eyes wide. Ukiyo seemed a bit shocked as well, lips parted in silent awe.

Asai broke the silence with a laugh. “That’s gotta be the most mature thing I’ve ever heard you say Yama,” he giggled, and both Ukiyo and Rei began to giggle as Kawayama’s face turned red in embarrassment and flattery. He stammered on about how he could be mature, and when he said Asai had never been mature to begin with, the group began to laugh harder.

“I can’t even get proper advice from you guys without us all laughing can I?,” Rei chuckled, wiping his eyes gently before taking a small sip from his coffee. “But thank you. I think I’ll try that today… I mean, do you think they’ll let me see him? I know he’ll be in prep and everything.” Asai looked away, disinterested, and Ukiyo simply shrugged. Rei sighed and pushed his glasses up again.

Seeing the launch sight was almost… ethereal. The rocket ship was far off, a safe distance from the building Rei and the others had to report to, but it still stood proudly, gleaming white against the sun. “Pretty right?,” Ukiyo asked, nudging Rei’s arm. “Come on. We need to go to the debriefing room. Unless someone wants me to tell the boss and chief of operations that one of my colleagues had to use the restroom…” He smirked, causing Rei to feel his eyes prickle with tears.

“Thanks Shiori,” he rasped, splitting from the rest of the group and rushing down the opposing hallway. Asai and Kawayama watched with interest, but Ukiyo pushed them along to the debriefing room with a smile on his face and hope in his eyes. You go get him Rei… Don’t let him go.

Rei speed-walked - no, ran down each hallway, looking at signs and asking people which way to go. He knew there wasn’t much time before the astronauts had to leave, before he had to return back to his place alongside his colleagues and watch the love of his life slip through his fingers. Fuck. Fuck! “It was down this way right?,” he murmured, roughly shoving his glasses farther up his nose, wiping at a bead of sweat on his brow.

There were so many things he had to say that he couldn’t before. He had been through all the stages of losing Nagisa: the heartache, the depression, the desperation… Rei knew with a sharp pang in his heart that Nagisa had felt those feelings, multiplied exponentially when Rei simply didn’t know how to piece them back together.

But now, as he raced down the hallway, the door he needed right down the way, he knew he had to make things right. He was an idiot, a fool for thinking he could do something that horrible to the man he loved. Yet, relationships were for mistakes and learning from them, surviving with your partner by your side, right…? Even though he was still new to the whole love business, Rei felt as though Nagisa had been his companion, his friend, his boyfriend, for years.

Before he knew it, his hand was reaching for the handle, but his fingers lay still on the cold metal. The scientist felt a cold sweat building up, his body feeling uncomfortably hot as he tried to settle his nerves. He could do this, he could do this, he could -

The door swung open, and he yelped as it pulled him with it. “Rei?” The trembling whisper was all Rei heard, every other sound, every other sense, being drowned out beneath that one word. Lilac eyes glanced up, and suddenly it felt like their first meeting again. Cautious, but with a hint of playfulness that sparkled in Nagisa’s warm gaze. Rei couldn’t believe that spark was still there, even in these circumstances.

“Nagisa,” he gasped, straightening himself up and grabbing the blonde’s shoulder with one hand. “I’ve been thinking so hard about us and where we stand. I came to the conclusion that what I said last night at the bar…” He groaned, rubbing his temple with his free hand. “It was completely uncalled for. I had been stressed and jetlagged, Asai was sick the night before, and - actually, wait! I shouldn’t be making excuses.”

The astronaut was gaping at him in shock, his lips parted and eyes open wide. He was silent though, letting Rei continue with a small nod of the head. “I know that no matter how many apologies I give you, I have no right to ask you to take me back. I assumed something of you and made it worse by believing my own assumptions too much.” He paused, glancing down at the floor and letting his arm go slack, sliding off Nagisa’s shoulder.

“I went and talked to Masami personally… Not only did I help her realize how she hurt you, but she helped me realize that what I was doing was making things worse. Nagisa Hazuki… I can’t ask this of you but, please just…” Rei bit his lip. God dammit, why was this so hard? “I need… I want you to - ” He froze at the feeling of shaking fingers on his cheek, gently tracing his jawline before resting there, a thumb grazing over his cheek.

Nagisa let out a heavy sigh, and Rei glanced up to see his eyes shining with tears. “Rei,” he said, voice cracking. “I have always loved you, and I still do. But right now…” He went up on his toes, pressing Rei’s head to his shoulder as he murmured into the scientist’s ear. “I can’t accept your apology… yet.” He pressed a soft kiss to Rei’s temple, hand shaking even more as he kissed down his jawline, Rei’s head pulling away from his shoulder…

“Promise that we’ll talk - emails or something. Video calls even. Okay?” He felt a tear slip down his cheek, and Rei felt the burn of tears gathering in the corners of his own eyes. Rei just nodded silently, a silent promise as Nagisa gave him a small kiss, one where only their lips brushed. “I don’t hate you Rei,” he whispered. “I never did. Take care of yourself for me. I expect you to be here when I get back.” The two chuckled a little, Rei’s hand coming up to wipe the tears of Nagisa’s cheeks. The blonde looked upset, pained even. “I need to go…”

Yet again, Rei nodded silently, unable to find the words anymore. Masami and several others (technicians and other co workers of the astronauts) appeared behind Nagisa, the woman giving him a gentle push. “We need to go,” she said, echoing his words. Nagisa sighed, letting go of Rei and stepping around him, down the hallway, and out of sight.

Kawayama had found Rei sitting on the floor, head tilted back against the wall, tears in his eyes. “He said he couldn’t accept it yet,” he rasped, voice trembling. “I’m holding onto that ‘yet’, Isamu. I’m going to stay hopeful.” The redhead just smiled and helped the taller man up, leading him down the hall to where everyone was waiting.

The launch was a success, and both the astronaut and the scientist found themselves in tears all over again. Of course there was still hope. Rei couldn’t help but chuckle to himself - this was what he got for dating an astronaut. Nagisa had glanced over at Masami, before smiling out at the view before him.

It was goodbye. But not forever.