Work Text:
Lena sat in her dimly lit office, the shadows of the late afternoon stretching across the room like the creeping tendrils of despair that wrapped around her heart. What once was her refugee, the place she ran to whenever she needed to redirect her mind and shift her focus to the only actually import thing she had, her work, now felt suffocating and even the sunlight that filtered through the window felt cold against her skin. She had become a master of disguise, expertly painting a smile on her face for the world to see while drowning in an ocean of silence and sorrow within. It was a lesson little Lena was taught very early on. Always smile, don’t let anyone see what’s under the mask, no one should ever see it.
It had been weeks since she had felt a flicker of joy, and though she was aware of the spiral she was in, the effort it took to keep up appearances was starting to become exhausting. "Just breathe…” she whispered to herself, the mantra a soothing balm that barely touched the storm inside her. But today, the storm had grown into a tempest, and the voices that once had been whispers now roared, drowning out her thoughts, her reason, and her will to fight back.
“Lena, you’re worthless.”
“You’ll never be happy.”
“You’re a burden to everyone.”
“They don’t truly love you, they pity you.”
They echoed in her mind, relentless and cruel, each syllable a dagger that twisted deeper into her already fragile psyche. She clutched her head in her hands, trying to block them out, but the pressure was too much. The pain was too loud.
In a moment of desperation, Lena's gaze fell on the desk in front of her, where a pair of scissors glinted in the dim light. It was an impulse she had fought against for years, a coping mechanism she had sworn off in her attempts to heal. But the pain inside her was too great. The voices were too demanding. She had to stop them somehow. So for the first time in years, she gave in.
She grabbed the scissors, her hands trembling as she sank down onto the cold wooden floor, her back against the desk. With every heartbeat, the voices grew louder, each one a reminder of her perceived inadequacies. In that moment, she felt powerless against the storm, and without thinking, she pressed the blade against her wrist. The sharp edge bit into her skin, and with a swift motion, she drew a line across her flesh.
The pain was immediate, but it was a pain she could control. Unlike the chaos in her mind, this was something tangible, something she could see and feel. As the blood welled up and spilled over, she felt a rush of relief wash over her, a brief moment of silence amidst the cacophony of her thoughts and without thinking twice, she drew the second line. For a few precious seconds, Lena forgot where she was, lost in the haze of her own creation, watching it with unblinking eyes.
But the silence was fleeting.
The muffled sound of footsteps grew closer, and Lena's heart raced as she realized she wasn't alone but still couldn’t get herself to move.
“Lena!”
The voice was familiar yet filled with an urgency that jolted her back to reality.
Alex, her now best friend and confidante. Maybe not as much as Nia, shared trauma tends to make the easier, but right now she was glad it wasn’t the young girl bursting through the door.
Alex was standing in front of her in a second, her eyes widening in horror at the sight before her. “What the hell happened?” Her voice was laced with panic as she rushed toward Lena, her gaze darting to the scissors clutched in her friend's hand and slowly, realization washed over her.
For a moment, time stood still. Lena could see the worry etched on Alex's face, the concern that mirrored the love and friendship they had shared for years at this point.
“Oh God, honey…” Alex knelt beside her, her voice softening as she took in the crimson lines marking Lena's wrist. “Let’s go get you cleaned up.” She got up and reached for Lena’s hand to help her up.
“No,” Lena whispered, her voice barely audible as she curled up, a desperate plea escaping her lips. “I’m fine.”
“Fine?” Alex couldn’t help but laugh, shaking her head as her eyes became even more worried. “You haven’t been fine for weeks now, I just thought you’d come to us or at least to Kara if it got too bad.”
The reality of how bad the situation actually finally downed on Lena and her own eyes widened. “Don’t tell Kara!”
“Lena, she’s your girlfriend. You two live in the same apartment, she’ll see it sooner or later.” Alex's tone was firm yet gentle, as if trying to pierce through the fog that clouded Lena's mind.
“I’ll tell her I fell,” Lena insisted, a surge of panic rising within her. She could already imagine the questions, the concern in Kara's eyes. The last thing she wanted was to burden her girlfriend with her pain, she couldn’t do that, not when Kara had been nothing but supportive. “Just, please, don’t tell her what happened, she’s gonna be so worried.”
“I’m also worried, you need help, Lena.” The director watched as Lena shook her head and looked down at her arms again. “You’re cutting yourself here, while we work, you’re completely out of it…” Alex's voice cracked.
It was a sound Lena had never wanted to hear directed at her, a reminder of the fragility of her existence.
“I can’t,” Lena choked out, tears welling up in her eyes and spilling over, mixing with the blood that dripped slowly from her wrist. “I can’t let her see me like this.”
“Let me help you,” Alex urged, her voice steady and soothing as knelt back down. “We can get you cleaned up and talk. Just… please, don’t do this to yourself, we can help you.”
Lena felt the weight of Alex’s words, the truth in them ringing like a bell in her mind. She had been fighting this battle alone for far too long, and the façade of control she had built was crumbling around her. With a shaky breath, she relinquished the scissors, letting them fall from her hand to the floor with a dull thud as sobs took over her. “I can’t d-I can’t do-I just, mo-I can’t!”
“Alright, let’s just sit here for a bit, can I hug you?” Alex waited until Lena nodded before wrapping both arms firmly around her trembling form. “I’ve got you, we’ll only move when you’re ready.”
“Okay.” Lena finally whispered, her voice breaking as she leaned into Alex’s embrace, feeling the warmth of her friend’s body against her own, a lifeline in the storm.
They sat together on the floor, the chaos of Lena's mind still raging, but for the moment, she felt safe. Alex held her tightly, whispering reassurances that seeped into Lena’s heart. “You’re not alone, Lena. You never have to be alone again.”
As they sat in silence, the rhythmic sound of Alex’s voice was doing the work to make the shouting voices in Lena’s mind quiet enough she could hear her own thoughts again. It was a glimmer in the dark, a flicker of light that beckoned her to hold on, to fight back against the shadows that threatened to consume her.
But the journey to healing was not a straight path, and as much as Lena wanted to believe that this moment would change everything, she knew it would take time. The road ahead would be fraught with challenges, and the voices would not go away easily. Yet, she felt a flicker of courage ignite within her, a small but significant step toward reclaiming her life. “I’m sorry.” She spoke after a while when her brain started working with her again, unsure how much time had actually passed.
“It’s ok, you don’t have to apologize , we’ll figure it out.” The redhead reassured. “Let’s get you cleaned up now.” Alex said softly, pulling back to look at Lena. “Ok?”
Lena tried to move but her body felt weak, her arms and legs like jelly, refusing to obey her brain’s command. “I can’t…” She shook her head weakly.
“I can bring the stuff here, but we should get cleaned up before Kara gets back cause if she sees all this blood, she’ll freak out on you.” Alex explained. “Then we can talk to her, together.”
Lena nodded, the weight of shame still heavy on her shoulders, but the warmth of friendship was a balm to her wounded spirit.
“Can I at least help you up to the chair?” Alex asked and immediately pulled Lena up with surprisingly low effort and sat her down onto the chair behind her. “I’ll ask Kelly to bring the first-aid kit and some water, want anything? Painkillers?”
Lena sighed tiredly. “I’m not in pain.”
“Alright.” Alex nodded and pulled out her phone. “Is there a cloth anywhere around here?” Lena only shrugged at her so she started to look around until she found one. “Here, can I hold it against your arm?” This time Lena half nodded so she knelt down besides the chair and held the cloth in place.
A couple of minutes later, Kelly lightly knocked on the door before walking in. “Here.” She handed a bottle to Lena and the bag to Alex. “Everything ok?” She tried to sound casual, hide her worry as she watched her girlfriend peeling off the cloth from Lena’s arm, the neatly drawn lines immediately coming into view.
“Just a small incident.” Alex said upon feeling Lena tense up and reached to pick up the scissors Lena had dropped. “Take this, please, I’ll clean it up later and take it back to the main area.” She looked back at Kelly, trying to send a message with just a look and soon getting an understanding nod back. “Thank you.” She looked back at Lena, waiting until she heard the door closing before picking up everything she was going to need. “This will sting a bit.”
Alex moved carefully but Lena didn’t flinch once, it seemed like she wasn’t feeling anything at all, which even though wasn’t too surprising, still worried the director.
“There, it’s done.” Alex sighed.
Lena nodded once again. “Thanks.” She looked down, mindlessly running her finger over the bandages.
Alex got up and started picking everything up from the floor. “Can I ask what was the trigger for this?”
Lena shrugged. “The voices in my head got too loud and I was too exhausted to fight them but still needed them to shut the fuck up so I could think.”
Alex stopped in her tracks, turning back to Lena. “Why didn’t you come to one of us?” She dropped the first aid kit onto the chair and went back to Lena’s side. “You’ve been up here for hours, you know you don’t need to suffer alone anymore.”
Lena’s eyes filled up with tears again. “I didn’t realize exactly what I was doing until you arrived.”
Alex nodded slowly, her features softening again. “Alright, I’ve been there enough times to know what this feels like so know that I’m not judging, but I’ll need you to communicate with us in order to be able to help you.” She waited but Lena didn’t say anything, only stared down at her hands, tears quickly falling onto her lap. “Ok, want me to take you home?” Lena shook her head lightly. “I can wait until Kara arrives with you, I promised I’d be there with you and I will.”
Lena shook her head again. “I just don’t want to go home, I need to work.”
Alex laid a gentle hand on Lena’s shoulder. “You need to rest, honey.”
Lena looked up with red, still teary eyes and wet cheeks. “If I go home, I’ll drink until I pass out, I need to focus on work.”
“Ok.” Alex pursed her lips and nodded. “Let’s go work then.” The brunette immediately looked up confused at her. “I can’t leave you here now, you now that.” She smiled sadly. “Besides, Brainy has been asking where you were cause he needs help with something and you know he can be just as dramatic as Kara sometimes.”
Lena finally gave in and got up, following the director out and trying to slip back into her working mode.
Kara flew back into the tower around 2 hours later. “Hey, I’m back.” She smiled and looked around for Lena, finding her sitting in a corner with Brainy. “Lee!”
“Hey.” Lena looked up, pulling down the sleeves of her coat to hide her wrist.
“I’m gonna pass by CatCo now to hand everything in and then we can go home.” Kara gave Lena a kiss and brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Everything ok?” She asked more quietly and Lena nodded without looking up so she knew it’d be better to wait instead of pressing her to speak. “Alright, I’ll be back in 20 minutes.” She got her bag and flew back out in seconds.
“Let’s wrap it up for today, we all need to get some rest.” Alex said and everyone nodded and got up. “Lena…”
“Don’t tell her,” Lena said before Alex could even get another word out. “let me deal with it alone once we get home.”
“Alright, whatever you want.” The redhead smiled. “Just know you can call any of us if you need, at any point.”
“I know, thank you.” Lena half smiled and stared back down at the device she was tinkering with. “I’ll keep working on this until she gets back.”
Alex got the message the girl wasn’t in the mood to talk anymore and went back to her own desk to focus on work.
Time passed before Lena could even process everything and half an hour later, they’re already home, Kara was in the shower and she was sitting on the couch, staring at the lines of light spilling across the floor. Her hands wouldn’t stop trembling, her thoughts wouldn’t stop spinning. She tried to line up what she’d say, but everything kept blurring together.
When Kara came back, towel drying her hair and smiling softly, Lena’s chest constricted. She looked too kind, too alive.
“Hey…” Kara said gently, her voice catching in the quiet.
Lena blinked, unable to look her in the eyes.
“Wanna talk about what’s wrong?” Kara sat beside her, watching Lena fidget with her sleeve until the movement became compulsive, small and desperate.
When Kara’s hand brushed against hers, Lena flinched.
“What happened on your wrist?” Kara’s tone cracked with worry. She reached out, fingers trembling slightly as she lifted Lena’s arm. “Lena, what happened?”
Lena swallowed hard, voice breaking apart before the words even formed. “I got overwhelmed earlier and-and cut myself.” She pulled up the sleeve. “Alex helped clean it up and bandage it.” She stared down, cheeks wet before she even noticed she was crying. Again.
“Rao, baby…” Kara’s eyes filled with tears. “Why didn’t you call me? Or went to talk to one of them?” Lena shrugged and a wave of anguish washed over her at the sight of the brunette trying to shrink into herself. “Talk to me now then, are you ok?” The hero’s voice softened, almost pleading now.
Lena shook her head, lifting her face just enough for Kara to see her red-rimmed eyes. “They’re too loud…”
“They?” Kara frowned, confusion flickering across her face.
“The voices.” Lena’s hands moved to her head as if drawn by instinct, fingers tangling painfully in her own hair. “I ca-can’t take it but I can’t make them stop…” The sobs came in sharp bursts. “Nothing I do works, they won’t leave me alone…” She looked up with desperate eyes. “Please make them stop!” She pressed her palms hard against her ears, rocking slightly as if she could shut the world out through motion alone.
Kara’s heart shredded into pieces as it dawned on her just now much Lena was hurting. She allowed herself a moment to process everything, just a minute, then she moved, carefully untangling Lena’s hands, prying her fingers away from her hair. “Lena…” she whispered, kissing her red knuckles. “I’m so, so sorry this is happening again. I promise I’ll do everything in my power to get you whatever help you need, ok?” Her tears slid freely now, but she smiled through them. “We’ll go to therapy, I’ll go too if it helps you. We’ll take a while off to rest and just… breathe. We’ll do whatever they tell us to do, alright?”
Lena nodded weakly, her entire body still being wrecked by sobs.
“Let me get you some water.” Kara superspeed to the kitchen and back with a glass of water. “Here, drink a little bit.” She held the glass against Lena’s lips and helped her drink a few sips before leaving the glass in the sink. “Come on, let’s go to the bedroom now.” Kara wiped her cheeks picked Lena up effortlessly. “We’ll change into something more comfortable and keep talking if you want.”
In minutes they were both in bed, pajamas on and the thick blankets tucked around their legs. Lena was still crying, though a bit more quietly now, her breath steadier.
“Wanna tell me what they’re saying?” Kara brushed her thumb along Lena’s temple, her other hand tracing calming circles on her back. “It’s ok, you can say it.” She reassured when the brunette looked up with wide eyes.
Lena sighed and looked down. “That I’m worthless, my accomplishment means nothing because in the end I’m just another Luthor, that none of you actually love me, just pity me because of everything I’ve been through…” Her voice cracked again, her gaze fixed on the blanket like she couldn’t bear to look at Kara’s face.
Kara’s breath hitched. “Ok,” she said softly, “first of all, you’re not worthless. But I know right now you’ll argue with that, so I’ll start with the proof.” She took Lena’s hand again, thumb tracing lazy, patient circles. “This city wouldn’t be standing if it wasn’t for your inventions. Hundreds of kids wouldn’t get the care they need without your children’s hospital. The Superfriends wouldn’t be what they are now without you.”
Lena wanted to believe it, and part of her did, but the other part whispered that Kara was only saying it because she had to.
“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you,” Kara continued, voice thick with emotion. “And I don’t mean just Supergirl. You’ve saved me from myself more times than I can count.”
Lena blinked slowly, the edges of her vision fuzzy from exhaustion.
“And none of us pity you, not for a second. We just care. The same way you care about all of us.” Kara smiled faintly through her tears. “You’re good, and kind, and so ridiculously intelligent. You’re funny. You helped Nia laugh again, do you know that? She asks for you when she’s upset.” Kara’s thumb brushed another tear away. “That doesn’t sound like pity to me.”
Lena’s throat closed up. “You deserve so much better than me…” she whispered. The words hurt to say, but they also felt true, solid, like the only thing that made sense.
“Lena.” Kara leaned in until their foreheads pressed together, her breath warm and steady. “Through the lows and the highs, I’ll forever stay by your side. I’m here because I choose to be. I choose you. I’ll always choose you.”
Something inside Lena cracked, not the bad kind of breaking this time, but the fragile, aching kind that lets light through.
Lena exhaled shakily, her hand reaching for the fabric of Kara’s shirt. “I love you so much.”
Kara smiled softly through her tears. “I love you too, come here…” she whispered, pulling Lena closer until their bodies melted into one another. “Tired?”
Lena nodded. “I wanna lay on your chest, listen to your heartbeat.” Her voice was small but steadier now.
Kara moved the covers and laid down, keeping Lena close, safe, on top of her.
“Cover my ear?” Lena asked even more quietly.
Kara adjusted her position, her free hand gently covering the side of her girlfriend’s head. “We’ll get through this, I promise.” She kissed the top of her head. “Want me to turn the TV on? So there’s background noise?”
Lena nodded, her eyes already fluttering close, though she still tried to fight exhaustion. “Please.”
Kara reached for the remote on the nightstand, turning on a random nature documentary. The soft sound of ocean waves filled the room.
Lena finally allowed her eyes to fall closed, the sound of Kara’s heart under her ear syncing with the slow rhythm of the waves on TV slowly relaxing her achy body. Her mind was still loud, but Kara’s warmth dulled the sharp edges of it.
For the first time in weeks, the voices didn’t win. They just… receded.
And in that small, fragile quiet, Lena allowed herself believe that maybe, just maybe, healing really wasn’t a myth, just something you had to relearn, with the right help from the right people, one heartbeat at a time.