Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chung Myung couldn’t sleep.

For some reason, memories of a certain leech kept popping into his head. It was probably because they were visiting the Tang family that he was reminded of old times.

He quietly snuck through the Tang family estate, easily slipping past guards, heading to a familiar place.

Tang Bo’s room was exactly how he remembered it, albeit the musty feeling that now permeated the air. Clearly, no one had set foot in here for a long time.

Chung Myung quietly breathed out, unaware of when he’d started holding his breath. He wasn’t sure why he was here. There was nothing left here for him after all. Just remnants of his friend.

An oversized bed with blankets and pillows sewn from the most luxurious fabrics, a bookshelf filled to the brim with all manner of manuals and scrolls, a desk with different kinds of equipment for Tang Bo’s numerous poison experiments. Overall, it was a good space. Not huge, but cozy. It fit Tang Bo’s needs perfectly. There was no need to have more furniture. Chung Myung, who was the only one to ever visit, would just lie on the bed while Tang Bo worked at his desk.

Looking at the empty chair, and no half scribbled notes or bubbling experiments, Chung Myung frowned.

This didn’t… the space couldn’t fully capture who Tang Bo was. He knew the Tang family had painstakingly preserved the Dark Saint’s room out of respect and in honor of his sacrifice, but…

‘It’s not…’

Chung Myung scoffed, ignoring the lump that began to form in his throat.

Why did he even come here?

His eyes wandered the room, eventually landing on a small box sitting under Tang Bo’s desk. It blended in with the wood due to the angle and color, so he almost missed it.

Looking more closely, it seemed to be of pretty high quality. For some reason, he picked it up.

It was light in his hands, rectangular. It perfectly fit the length and width of an average sized envelope, which made sense since that’s what he found upon opening it.

Chung Myung’s eyes widened and his heart began to beat faster.

There was a letter addressed to him.

He’d definitely never seen this before though.

Carefully taking it out of the box, he began to read.

Chapter Text

Dear Chung Myung,

Before you continue reading, first promise you won’t beat me up.

I’m writing this to convey something important that I’ve been meaning to say for a while now.

I know I should probably tell you this in person, but I am a coward. Even putting it on paper terrifies me. Not just because of public opinion, but more so that I fear your rejection.

Haha, this was supposed to be a short letter. If you don’t have the urge to hit me due to having figured out the truth while reading this, you definitely want to hit me because I’m stalling so much. Actually, knowing you, it’s likely you haven’t figured it out even now.

Well, I suppose I should get it over with. I know I need to be absolutely clear if I want my feelings to be gotten across to you.

Here goes then.

Chung Myung,

I am in love with you.

I have been in love with you for years but was too much of a coward to admit it.

I understand that you probably don’t feel the same way, I just—

The letter continued on, but Chung Myung suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe.

‘What?’

He… Tang Bo was…

Chung Myung covered his mouth with a hand, falling to his knees as memories and emotions overwhelmed him.

He found that he didn’t feel disgusted toward Tang Bo. No, not at all. If anything, he felt…

‘I…’

He’d never thought they could be anything more than friends but, there were certainly… moments.

Moments where a certain tension sat in the air between them. Moments that left even Chung Myung, as dense as he was when it came to these matters, wondering whether he even liked women or…

Of course, he’d always quickly shove the thought away. He was a Taoist after all, no one expected him to marry or have children and he certainly never planned to. That’s what he told himself.

It wasn’t because he was a coward, too afraid to face his own truth, right? Right?

‘Bo-ya…’

In the end, however small, Tang Bo had much more courage than he did.

The courage to acknowledge, at least to himself, all the unspoken things between them. Chung Myung thought back to the looks they shared that lasted a little too long to be called platonic, the times when they were too drunk and leaned against each other while blaming it all on the alcohol. Those fleeting moments of peace during the war they’d spent together. When Chung Myung had been terrified of losing him.

Even in this life, his mind often drifted to Tang Bo, carefully touching upon the quiet feelings that clawed at his chest. He’d push it away. Always avoiding it. Tang Bo was gone, he’d tell himself. What did it matter now anyway. Wouldn’t it be even more devastating to think of what they could have been? Even more so than thinking about what he’d lost.

But now, clutching the letter Tang Bo had carefully written for him, he was forced to face the truth. There was no room for doubt in Tang Bo’s words. As the realization fully hit him, Chung Myung felt something small and fragile within him crack open.

“Ah…”

His vision became blurry and something warm ran down his cheeks.

A strangled sound came from his throat, and he kneeled on the ground and clutched the letter to his chest. He held a hand to his mouth, unwilling to let out a sound and risk discovery, but when he looked down, the sight that caught his eye finally broke him.

At the bottom of the box was a beautiful green ribbon. Carefully embroidered with golden threads, it was clearly one of the highest quality. It was somewhat similar to the old ribbon Tang Bo had gifted him, but was definitely even higher quality.

He picked it up with a shaky hand.

Ah. The texture was silky smooth.

“Bo-ya…”

Quiet, strangled sobs escaped from Chung Myung’s throat as he grieved the loss of his friend and all that they could have been.

Chapter Text

“Where’s Chung Myung?” Baek Cheon questioned, noticing a certain greedy Taoist still hadn’t shown up even though breakfast was almost over.

“Huh, now that you say it… I haven’t seen him today.” Jo Gul commented.

That was odd.

Baek Cheon became worried. More for the sake of anyone unfortunate enough to cross paths with Chung Myung, and for the sake of Mount Hua’s reputation, because who knew what kind of trouble that guy would end up getting into this time.

He sighed, before opening his mouth to say something,

Clack.

The door closed quietly, behind a tired looking Chung Myung.

No, it wasn’t slammed, nor was there any yelling. One might think it’d be more odd to constantly slam doors and yell at everyone obnoxiously every time you entered a room, but this was Chung Myung we are talking about!

Chung Myung entered the room silently, quietly sitting down beside Yu Iseol, before scooping some food onto his plate.

He paused and, without looking up, asked,

“Why’d you all stop eating?”

His tone was unreadable.

By this point, they’d all noticed the bags under his eyes, and the red streaks on his face that almost looked like tear marks. Concern flickered in their eyes as they exchanged wary glances, unsure how to ask about it.

“Be ready to leave soon.” Before they could think of how to ask about it, Chung Myung had already finished eating and was on his way out the door.

“Wai—“

Slam!

Now he slams the door!

Before Baek Cheon could stop him, he was already gone.

“What the hell happened to him?” Jo Gul asked what they all were thinking.

“He looked sad.” Yu Iseol commented quietly.

Unbearably sad.

They all nodded solemnly.

Chapter Text

Weeks passed after that incident, and training continued on Mount Hua as usual. The kids never did ask Chung Myung about it. They preferred to continue living.

Chung Myung typically spent a lot of time alone for training, but now the usual silence was filled with thoughts of Tang Bo.

Specifically, his feelings toward Tang Bo.

Oh, what he’d give to go back in time and snack himself for being such an idiot. How could he allow himself to be so unaware of his own feelings!?

He just…

Crack!!

“Urgg, dammit!” Chung Myung punched a nearby tree, causing it to splinter and crack.

Birds flew away with annoyed squawks, and small animals ran off as quickly as their small legs could carry them.

“Sajil.” Yu Iseol stood nearby, quietly watching him with an unreadable expression.

“…what?” He asked, too used to her sneaking up on him. He wasn’t planning to explain himself.

“Is everything alright?” was all she asked.

“It’s…” why was he hesitating? He should be used to lying by now.

“I just…” what the hell was he going to say? It’s not like he could even ask anyone about this.

“Have you ever loved someone?” The words fell out of his mouth before he could take them back.

Chung Myung’s face turned red, and he once again cursed himself for being an idiot.

“…” Yu Iseol seemed to be struck silent for a moment, before contemplating his question seriously. It was clear that he didn’t mean platonic love.

In the end, being inexperienced in these kind of matters, she just shook her head silently.

“Never mind.” He couldn’t look at her. He was more than 80 years old, dammit! Yet here he was, asking a young girl, who could literally be his granddaughter, for love advice! To make things worse, the person he loved was a man which he couldn’t admit out loud for obvious reasons, and that person was no longer in this world anyway…

“Tsk, just forget I said anything.” He turned away and began walking in the opposite direction. Hoping Yu Iseol didn’t see the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes.

“…”

She watched him with a worried expression, but understood that he didn’t wish to be followed.

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.
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“Chung Myung~”

Tang Bo looked at him with that too familiar drunk smile.

Chung Myung watched as sharp green eyes shamelessly gazed at his clothed body. Had he always looked at Chung Myung like that while they were drunk? Why hadn’t he noticed before?

“What has you so distracted?” Tang Bo frowned. Of course he would notice.

“Nothing.”

“Oh? Are you sure about that?” Tang Bo asked, clearly aware he was lying.

“It’s nothing…”

“Hmm? Really? You seem bothered by something.” Suddenly, Tang Bo’s face was inches from his own, causing a certain heat between them.

Maybe he was bothered by something.

Maybe.

Pink eyes stared into green ones.

‘Kiss me.’ In the heat of the moment, Chung Myung’s brain ran haywire.

Ah, did he say that out loud?

It seems like he did because Tang Bo’s lips were on his before he had another moment to think.

The only thought his brain could come up with at that moment was how soft Tang Bo’s lips were, and then Chung Myung felt a wet tongue snake into his mouth.

“Mmmhh~”

Heat pooled in his groin, and Chung Myung felt himself rapidly stiffening. His breath hitched as Tang Bo gripped his thigh.

“Hyung~” Tang Bo whispered sweetly as his hands explored Chung Myung’s body, pressing and kneading the muscles on his legs and hips.

“Bo-ya… Mmm…”

“I love you.” Tang Bo said, and Chung Myung felt himself melt under the touch of his most beloved person.

.
.
.

Chung Myung awoke abruptly, heart beating wildly in his chest.

He was covered in sweat and… certain sticky fluids.

Oh. So that’s what happened.

“Fuck.”

He swore, sitting up, ignoring the sticky wetness in his pants. It was still pretty early, but he’d definitely slept later than usual.

He had finally accepted his feelings toward Tang Bo, but… this was new.

Perhaps it made sense since this body was young and still going through puberty, but… he didn’t experience dreams like that before!

“Urggg…” Chung Myung groaned, flopping back onto his bed. He really didn’t want to deal with this.

He didn’t want to deal with his emotions, though he’d been forced to do so, and he certainly didn’t want to deal with the natural reactions this young body had to his desires. He’d lived for so long, he should be past this!! What the hell?!

Most of all, he really didn’t want to think about the fact that the person he desired, the person he loved, wanted, needed, was no longer…

Slap!

Chung Myung slapped a hand over his face to get rid of the awful feeling that began to claw its way into his throat and eyes.

“Dammit, Bo-ya…”