Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was a quiet night in Milldread–which just so happened to be where the bizzyboys were currently stationed. Inside their truck was where they sat, all huddled around in a circle as they waited for what Al would say next.

He tapped his chin in thought, drawing out his words for dramatic effect.

“Hmmm… awllright… I dare yew tooooo…. VISIT COBIGAIL!!“

P’s eyes widened in terror. “No nono NOO!! ANYTHING BUT DAT!!!!“

“Thems da rulez, pal,“ Al shrugged, his lips curling into a devious grin, “You picked dare, so now you gotta DO the dare.“

“I pick truth!!!! I pick anotha dare!!!!! PLEAASEE!!!!“ P shrieked. She hid her face in her hands, shaking her head.

Ban leaned in, tapping Al’s arm. “Hey, uh… Maybe we should think about dis. If Cobigail actually DOES eat ’em or somethin’, da boss is gonna be reaaalllll mad with us-“

“Relaaxxxx, that ain’t gonna happen!!“ Al brushed him off, “P’s a tough guy, right, buddy?? Yew ain’t gonna let dat mean old god eat ya!!“

P, meanwhile, was curled up in a ball, shaking at just the thought of coming face to face with the oh so frightening God of Harvest. The only god to demand a blood sacrifice!
She peeked out at the other bizzyboys from behind her fingers. “I’mMm… sniffle… I'm a tough g-guyYyyY…“ she whimpered rather unconvincingly.

“You don’t hafta do this if you don’t wanna, y’know,“ Vib sighed, patting her on the back.

“NO!!! I gotta!!!!“

P jumped to her feet, standing up as straight as she could, hands on her hips. The shake in her voice and the nervous flicks of her tail were still very much obvious, but she tried to put up her best courageous facade anyway.

“M’not a scaredy cat!! I’ll go in dere, I’ll do it!!“

She stomped out of the circle of bizzyboys, towards the van’s exit, still holding her head high.

Al turned around to shout to P before she left, “Aye!! Maybe if ya convince Cobigail to eat somethin’ otha than blood, Capo will finally give you a letter or two- OW!“ he winced as he felt a sharp tug on his ear by a set of sharp, painted claws.

“Be nice!“ Vib hissed.

“I am bein’ nice!! How was dat not nice???“

With a deep breath, and a silent prayer to the gods for some mercy, P straightened out her coat and stepped out of the bizzybus.

Milldread was known for being almost unbearably hot at times, yet tonight seemed to be different. P felt a slight chill in the air as she tiptoed through the fields, the random gusts of wind certainly not helping to calm her nerves. Every little noise, every rustle from the bushes, every branch that snapped when she accidentally stepped on them, it all made her flinch. She was so tempted to just sprint back into the van and never come out again…

Come on Patty, youse not a scaredy cat!! You got dis!!!

She repeated the phrase in her head over and over as she slowly made her way to the schoolhouse. She held her tail in her hands, anxiously fidgeting with it. The walk to the school felt like miles, despite the bizzybus having been parked relatively close to it.

The old doors creaked as P carefully pushed them open and stepped inside. The only sound she could hear now was her own footsteps against the wooden floorboards. It was almost pitch dark in there, making it hard for her to see where she was supposed to be going.

Until she saw it. What looked like it was supposed to be a storage closet, shining before her, an odd ethereal glow emitting from it. No door in sight, just a doorframe with nothing but light behind it.

That must be Her domain.

P’s heart raced. She took a few more deep breaths. She couldn’t turn back now, she’d already made it this far! She could do this. She really only had to be in there for just a minute or so. Easy-peasy! She was a brave detective, a great bizzyboy!!

Hesitantly, she inched towards the glowing room.

Even if I die here, at least I won’t die a coward!!

She pushed through her worries, and walked through the doorframe.

There wasn’t really all that much to look at. This place was just nothing but rocky, pink terrain as far as the eye could see. A few long vines seemed to grow out of the ground in various, random spots. P could hear the chirping of cicadas, though there didn’t appear to be any in sight. A few stray clouds and a bright orange sun hung overhead.

Oh. And I should probably mention the giant corn-cob-shaped god that towered over the little bizzyboy, standing right in the middle of… wherever this was, Her leaves tied up in a pretty red ribbon and obscuring Her face. She swayed gently from side to side; soft, melodic humming coming from behind Her leaves.

P was awestruck. She didn’t even know what to do. She just stood as still as possible, hoping that maybe she wouldn’t get noticed if she didn’t make any sudden movements.

“I know someone’s there…“ the god murmured, quickly disproving P’s theory.

“My, do I have a visitor? Heheheh… Shouldn’t they know better than to come here...? I’ve been reaaaal HUNGRY… And if they don’t turn back soon…“

P covered her mouth, trying not to give away her frantic breathing. She very lightly took a step back.

“They might just be…“

Another few, more panicked steps backwards.

“MY NEXT MEAL!“

In an instant, Cobigail sprung forward towards Her visitor. Her face was haunting, Her eyes black and Her expression twisted into like that of a ghost. Her four large hands reached out, almost like they were about to grab P.

The poor bizzyboy let out a high-pitched yelp, falling backwards. She put her hands out in front of head, trying to cover her face.

“EEP!!! I-I’M REAL SORRY, M-MISS, MA’AM, I’LL NEVAH COME BACK HERE AGAIN JUS’ PLEASE SPARE M-“

“GOTCHA!!“

The harvest god stood up straight again, letting out a loud chuckle.

“Whew, BOY, I’ve been waitin’... a REAL long time to do that! Sorry, sorry, I couldn’t resist!“ She giggled, wiping a tear from Her eye.

Confused, and still a bit shaken up, P hesitantly moved her hands down, staring up at the god in front of her. Her face didn’t look all that scary anymore. Almost… friendly, Her blue lips fixed into a warm smile and Her eyes bright and full of joy. P had seen posters, dolls, and statues of Cobigail, but none of them really seemed to depict Her with such a pretty face.

She looked down at Her visitor, a little frown coming to Her features as She realized how frightened she looked. She bent down again, though a little less close than the first time.

“You alright there, darlin’? I didn’t spook ya too bad, did I?“

“I’m- you- uum. I…“ P tried to stammer some kind of response out. She managed to sit up a little more, dusting off her coat. An embarrassed wave of heat came to her face.

You’re in front of a GOD, for Spek’s sake, SAY SOMETHIN’!

“I’M FINE!!!!!!!!!“ she gave two thumbs up and a shaky smile.

“Aww, I was only messin’ with ya! Honest, I don’t bite! I mean… I don’t think I do…?“ She paused, humming in thought.

“That… uh… don’t sound too convincing.“

“It’s been so long since the last harvest, I just can’t seem to remember WHAT I used to eat… And now with King’s nasty letter flyin’ around, I can’t even remember if what they say about me bein’ a blood-drinkin’ monster is RIGHT!“

Seeing as that little fun fact very clearly didn’t make P look any more at ease, Cobigail waved a dismissive hand, putting on a big smile and rising back to her full height.

“Oh, but don’t worry! Yer safe, I’m not gonna eat somethin’ as cute as you!“

P’s tail began to wag just slightly. She looked away, nervously fiddling with her hands. The bizzy mumbled a quiet “thank you.“

A look of realization crossed the god’s face. “Ohh, I see that little uniform ya got there! You’re one of them bizzyboys, ain’tcha?“

P nodded.

“Hmm… And what brings Bizzyboy… Uh…“

“P!!“

“...Eh?“

“B-Bizzyboy P, ma’am!! Like da letta, P!!“ She stood up again, brushing the dirt off her leather pants and trying to look as professional as possible in front of the harvest god.

“OH! I see, alright… What brings Bizzyboy P to my little lair, especially this late at night, hm?“

“Um… It was uh… w-well me and my otha bizzyboy pals were playin’ truth or dare, and then I picked- uh- dare, and dey… made me come here…“

“Right, ’course… A dare…“ Cobigail clicked Her tongue, a hint of distaste pulling at Her lips. But just as quick as that frown appeared, it was replaced by another friendly smile. “Better than no visitors at all, am I right? Aheheh… Heh…. heeheh…“

P wasn’t quite sure what to say, if she should even say anything at all. Maybe it’d be best if she left now.

“W-wowie… Um… It was real great meetin’ yew, but I gots… places… to be…“ she mumbled, turning around and heading straight for the glowing exit.

But she immediately froze in her tracks as she felt the surprisingly gentle tap of Cobigail’s giant finger against her shoulder.

“Oh, stay a lil’ longer, won’t you…?“ the god asked quietly, Her voice so warm and inviting. She’d leaned down to P’s level, and P could see the clear disappointment in Her eyes.

And so, of course, the bizzyboy quickly nodded and sat right back down. Her hands toyed with the fabric of her coat in an attempt to calm her racing heart.

Cobigail just studied her for a moment, silently, with a kind gaze.

“It’s been a good long time since I’ve seen any faces ’round here, sweetpea. Especially any as nice as yours,“ the harvest god sighed, and P only felt her heart race faster. “I mean, my other god friends have met with me from time to time, but it just ain’t the same, y’know?“

She did, in a way… kinda. She loved her fellow bizzyboys, but she didn’t have much of a chance to make friends outside of work. Despite being surrounded by so many people like her, all working towards the same goal, she still felt… isolated. She wanted a friend to hang out with because they wanted to, not just because they all had to.

P didn’t realize her and a divine being might have something in common after all. She nodded again.

Cobigail went on. “I jus’... I’ve given so much to this here community, always tried my best… An’ now here I am, all alone, like they all jus’ forgot about me! Have I done somethin’ wrong?? Have my crops not been good enough?? Have I…“

P’s expression softened as she looked up at the distressed god, who was now tugging at strands of Her hair as She rambled on.

“Hey…“ P piped up, “I don’t think dis is yer fault. And dey haven’t totally forgotten about yew, everyone in town still talks alllll aboutcha!!“

“...They do…?“ Her eyes glimmered with hope.

“Mmhm!! I dunno why they don’t bother to visit, but I’m sure it ain’t cuz of you! Maybe they’ve jus’ been… busy!!“

“Busy for twenty years?“

“...Maybe?“ P gave an awkward smile.

Cobigail let out another sigh, slumping forward. “I’ve been waitin’ so long for visitors, P… I got so many things I wanna talk about, so many stories to share, so many jokes to tell…”

P perked up, as if a lightbulb seemed to go off in her head. Her tail gave a happy little swish.

“Maybe I could listen! Tell ‘em all to me!!”

A gentle smile lit up Cobigail's face.

She proceeded to rattle on to the bizzyboy for a while, laughing and talking and joking, like this was the most fun she’d had in years. It probably was.

P found herself listening intently, slowly growing more comfortable as she hung onto Cobigail’s every word. She started to feel genuinely bad for the god, it wasn’t fair someone so bright and lovely had to be so lonely.

And for a second, P started to question her job. She’d had doubts already, small thoughts in the back of her mind, like when a letter she was delivering felt a little too meanspirited, or when a rumor about a god just didn’t sound right. But every time she tried to question it to Capochin, she was automatically shot down, told that Inspekta’s plan was for the good of the world, and given a threat about how the one measly letter of her name she still had could be easily revoked.

Was Inspekta’s plan really the right way to go?

Was this really for the good of the world?

She didn’t realize she’d been staring down blankly at her paws in her lap until she was pulled out of her thoughts by Cobigail’s soft voice.

“Ah, sorry. I’m probably borin’ ya half to death, huh?”

P looked up at Her again, quickly shaking her head. “Nonono!! Don’t worry, I’m havin’ a lotta fun!!”

The harvest god glanced back at the orange sun in the sky of Her domain. Even if it never moved from its spot, She knew it was far too late for P to stay out like this.

“You should really scurry on back to yer friends, darlin’. Wouldn’t want them thinkin’ I really did eat ya!” She winked.

P almost forgot she’d left in the middle of a game with the others. She stood up with a hint of reluctance.

“Right, yeah… Bye-bye, Cobigail!!!” she called up to the god, waving enthusiastically. Cobigail waved back, an amused grin on Her face.

“Bye, hun… Come back again soon, okay?”

The moment P stepped through the exit and back into the dark schoolhouse, she leaned against the wall to steady herself, taking a deep breath. Her face felt warm, and her heart was pounding, and her tail was wagging like never before. Probably just adrenaline. Very normal reaction to meeting a god for the first time. Or maybe she was sick. She sure felt sick. Maybe being too close to a god for too long just made you feel a little sick. Yeah.

She walked back to the van, now a lot less scared of the path ahead of her than before.

As she opened the door and stepped inside, it was mostly quiet, all of the bizzyboys either asleep on the couch by now or in their quarters. One of them seemed to wake up as P arrived.

“AYE, EVERYONE, LOOK WHO’S BACK!!!”

In an instant, the bizzyboys were crowded around her, and she was hit with just about a million questions.

“How scary was She??”

“Did She try to eat ya?!”

“Does She really want a blood sacrifice??”

“HOW DID YEW ESCAPE???”

P was starting to feel a bit overwhelmed with all their curious stares. Once they started to settle down, she cleared her throat, about to speak before stopping herself.

What should she say?? If she’s honest about how kind Cobigail was, she could risk Inspekta’s plan… But…

“C’mon, P,” Capochin’s commanding voice echoed in her head, “Ya know dis is for everyone’s own good. You don’t wanna disappoint da big boss, do ya?”

“She was… She was real scary,” she tried to be as vague as possible when describing what happened, “I’m jus’ glad I made it out alive!”

The whole room filled with gasps and “woah”’s of awe. But P couldn’t feel even an ounce of pride, despite their amazement.

I’m sorry, Cobigail…