Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Part 1 - Chapter 1

Bucky POV

The army sent me home, with a severe PTSD case diagnosed by a military psychiatrist.

Years fighting as the best snipper in the world, for a country that tossed me like a stone. I was James Barnes, decorated Sergeant.
Years as a prisoner of war, tortured, manipulated, my arm replaced with this metal atrocity, my mind put through the meat grinder. I was the Winter Soldier, the deadliest assassin in the world.

I was saved, brought back to America, trigger words removed.

I’m back to being Bucky these days. Mostly.
I can feel the other guy in the backroom of my brain.
He’s confused, I can tell.

Hell, I’m a mess too.

I just found a small studio in Brooklyn. It’s spartan, I sleep on the floor, but it’s something. The walls are paper thin and I can hear my neighbor when she cries at night. It’s a weird first night. I can feel the Soldier getting agitated in there. I try and keep him quiet.

The next morning, I wake up screaming from a nightmare. Of course. These will never go away.

I try and catch my breath. Slow. In. Out.
But then, there’s a faint knock on my door.

I grab my gun and hide it behind my back.
Then I move to open my door.

I blink.
It’s 4 a.m., there’s a very pretty dame at my door, I am in my underwear with a gun and a metal arm fully on display.

She blinks too.

« Are… are you ok, sir? Are you hurt? I heard screaming… »
Wait, did she worry about me? That’s… sweet. People are not sweet with me.

« No, I’m fine, sorry for the noise… »
« Are you sure? You’re bleeding… » she says softly, crunching her nose in worry.

I frown but check myself. Fuck, I’ve clawed at the junction between flesh and metal again.
It’s quite nasty, adding fresh blood to ragged scars.

« Sir, did someone hurt you? Are you safe? » she whispers now.

Wait, is she trying to protect me?
This sweet little thing wouldn’t stand a chance against Hydra, she doesn’t know me, what I’m capable of, yet she’s offering, kindly.
I can feel the Soldier’s interest growing.

« I… no, it’s just me… it itches, it’s nothing. »
« If you want, I can patch you up… I’m an ER nurse… » she offers and closing the door on her would be plain rude.

So I nod, quickly put on some pants, grab my keys and lock behind me. The gun is lodged on my lower back. Force of habit.
I follow her to her flat.
It’s homely. Colorful. There are pillows and house plants.

« Sit on the couch, I’ll just grab my kit. » she explains as she leaves me alone in her living room.

Everything here is soft, just like her.

She comes back and sits behind me, her hands gloved, her medical kit on the floor between us.

« Ok, first, let me clean you up… have you had the prosthetic for long? »
I shiver as she starts cleaning up my shoulder covered in dried blood.
« 10 years… still feels like yesterday. »

She lets my skin dry and goes into another room, then comes back carrying a big plush toy.

It’s a big, white, wolf like plush toy.

« There, for you. You can hold on to it, pet it, whatever helps you feel better. »
I frown.
I’m 35, and she’s giving me a plushie? I’m confused but I let her.

It makes her smile, so I hold the plushie against my chest as she carefully disinfect the damage I’ve done.

The Soldier is growing more and more intrigued, I feel him pushing the corners of my skull.
He’s not used to this body being taken care of, he’s not used to the absence of pain. He doesn’t understand kindness, but he seems eager to learn.

« It’s not too deep, I can spare you stitches, but I’d like to put some adhesive stitches so it heals better. Is that ok for you? »
« Sure. I’m sorry. »
« Hey, it’s ok. »

So she finishes patching me up then she brings a pillow and a blanket.

I frown, getting up.

I watch her prepare a bed on the couch, and I’m still holding the plushie, now standing beside her like an idiot.
I feel the Soldier marveling at the soft feeling of the fake fur under our fingers.
He likes soft, I think. Good, because this guy is a psycho assassin. Let’s give him soft.

« There, you can finish your night here! » she explains, patting the couch for me to settle in.
« You…You’re sure? » I stammer.
« Yes. »

So I lay under the blanket, my head on the fluffy pillow, the large plushie on my bare chest and she tucks me in.
It’s… warm. Safe. Reassuring. I think I’m squinting a little.

« Better? » She asks with a gentle smile.
I nod.
« Ok. Sleep well. Call if you need anything. » she whispers and kisses my forehead.

As she switches off the lights and closes the door of her bedroom, I swear I can hear the Soldier growling in a bestial way.
And I’m trying hard not to purr.
Truth is, I do feel better. Warm, comfortable, in less pain.

So I forget all sense of decency, forget that I’m a 35 yo decorated vet, and fall asleep cuddling a soft plushie on a dame’s couch.
And I dream of soft lights, laughter, pastries. I dream of sunsets. I feel at peace. I feel absolutely glorious.

When I stir awake, the plushie is held firmly against my chest by my metal arm.

I feel… ho crap, I’m hard. I don’t really get hard these days, PTSD threw my libido away.
Why does it have to come back when I’m staying at my neighbor’s, who’s cute as a button, and whose name I don’t even know?

She’s going to think I’m an utter creep.

I have a gun, a metal arm, I’m half naked, I’m self-destructive and now I’m being indecent.
Great Buck, why do you always have to ruin everything?

I feel the Soldier waking up and I wince. Hello headache.

He’s grumpy, until I think about caressing the fake fur of the plushie and he immediately softens the pressure in my brain. I still feel him, the headache is still here, but we can co-exist if I give him what he wants.

Except he doesn’t know what he wants or needs, since he wasn’t allowed to feel, to need, for 10 years. So I have to figure it out for him. It’s a hit and miss, really.

He likes food. I mean, he really, really likes food.
And don’t get me started on pastries.
He is also very interested in alcohol, eventhough it doesn’t affect him at all. It does affect me so I don’t experiment anymore with liquors, I’ve settled on whisky on good days, vodka on bad days. Beer when things are just ok.

He does not like the cold.
He panicked when I showered yesterday after moving in, as the heater is broken.
I don’t mind a quick cold shower, but he straights out panics and it wasn’t easy keeping in control.

A cold shower would help my raging member that seemingly won’t deflate, but the Soldier gets mad the second I think about it.

Ok big guy, calm down, I’m trying to gather our options here.
There’s a pretty lady. I feel really good, my body is betraying me, we need to fix this before she sees it and never talks to us again.

At that, the Soldier stills.

No more soft and warm lady? He whispers in my head, voice broken.

I hold the plushie a little closer to my skin.

Help me ok? You’re excited too, help me stop it, so we don’t scare her.

I feel him getting agitated. It’s painful.

Then it happens. My brain cracks, and I have a flashback. A flashback of his memories.
He’s being held upside down in an ice bath, plunged slowly, his lungs burning as he’s… he’s dying.
They’re killing him, or are just about to, so he complies.

I scream and escape the memory. Gosh that was effective. Traumatic but effective.

I struggle to catch my breath, and don’t hear her running towards me.
She kneels beside the couch and gently hugs me by the waist.

Chapter Text

Part 1 - Chapter 2

The Winter Soldier POV

I’m scared all the time.
I’ve been scared since Hydra took me, 10 years ago.
They tortured me into a killing machine, and they tried and erase all human emotions from me.
But deep down, I’ve always been scared, because any mistake meant more pain.

I don't like pain.

And now, apparently, I’m free?

I’ve been carefully packed away in Bucky’s mind. He knows I’m still here though, he’s not stupid.

I’m confused, because I don’t have a mission anymore. There are no Hydra base, no handlers, no missions.

Just Bucky, who is a depressed mess.
He tries his best though, I’ll give him that.

Instead of trying to erase me, which he can’t, since I’m technically him, he’s trying to learn what I like and what I don’t like.

He discovered that I like sushi, so we have sushi once a week. Sushi’s good. Especially the salmon ones.

He also indulges my sweet tooth and we have sweet treats once in a while.
I’d really like to try more sweet food.

Hydra never gave me food.

I was a machine, not a human, so I was fed via a gastric tube.
I didn’t like it, didn’t like it at all.

I don’t like being a machine.
But it’s all I know. Hydra drilled the human out of me.

The human is Bucky. Bucky’s not doing great.

Bucky has a neighbor. A beautiful woman.
She smells sweet and she’s gentle and she has a soft voice.
I like that she doesn’t yell at me. I don’t like being yelled at.

She made us warm last night and I really, really like feeling warm.

Hydra never let me feel any warmth.

It was cold cells, cryo stays, missions in Russia’s snowy forests… and ice baths, to punish me for anything and everything.

And the sweet lady gave us a soft toy. It looks like a little wolf pup. I really like petting it. I like when Bucky holds it tight, too. It’s… calming. I like calm.

I woke up to Bucky panicking because our body is reacting to the pretty lady.

Bucky thinks it’s shameful, apparently. I guess he knows more about that kinda things, he had a life before the war.

I’ve never felt this sensation and I really liked it, but he asked for my help to stop it, thinking the lady would not talk to us anymore if she found out.

And I want her to stay.
So I send Bucky a memory of one of Hydra’s favorite torture, the ice bath. Very effective.

Except we scream, because I really hate the cold and Hydra, and Bucky is a traumatized mess.

Within seconds, she’s here, holding me by our bare, sensitive waist. Us. Me.
I wrap my strong arms around her and nest my head against her neck, inhaling her delicious scent.

She smells delicious.

It… it feels good. Calm. Safe?

Mine?
Soldier, for the love of God, let go of her, you’re being inappropriate!
But…. Mine?

I nuzzle my nose against her neck, getting drunk on her delicate skin.

« Hey there! Are you ok? » The lady asks softly in my ear but Bucky is petrified.

Soldier, release her, now. You don’t get to do that, you don’t get to touch her like this, she doesn’t even know us!

I straighten up reluctantly. I even make an effort to let her go and her hands leave my skin too.
I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.
I like touching her. I like smelling her.

Pain. Pain in my head.

Bucky POV

Shit, the Soldier slipped through the cracks and of course he had to be feral with her, sniffing her neck like a wild beast.

Yes she’s very cute and smells good, but we need to behave or it’s going to have to be images of the ice baths again and again to keep the downstairs area cool and decent.
I’d rather not have to go through that again, thank you very much.

She stares at me, expectantly.

« Sorry, yes, I’m fine… bad dreams, that’s all. »
« I’m sorry to hear that. I’m Roxanne, by the way. »

She gives me her hand and stupidly, instead of shaking it like a normal human being, I take it and kiss her knuckles, blushing.

« James, but my friends call me Bucky. »

She squeezes my hand and then gets up, heading to the kitchen.

« Did you get any sleep at all? »
« Yeah, thank you. The… the plushie helped. »
« Aw, I’m glad! Keep it! »

I feel the Soldier being content as I pet the plushie softly.
That doesn’t happen often. Let’s keep the crazy big guy that way.

« I’m making breakfast, do you want tea or coffee? »

The Soldier is drilling my brain, aching to touch her again, but I am a gentleman, I am not giving in to temptation.

She notices me wincing.

« Do you have a headache? »
« Yes. Chronic headaches, it’s due to PTSD apparently. I’m an army veteran.»

She simply nods and prepares me a drink, that she settles in front of me with a couple of pills.

« Painkillers, and this is half coffee and half chocolate. And there’s some cookies I made yesterday, you look like you need cookies. »

So I swallow my pills and sip my delicious warm drink and the Soldier moans at the delicious cookies. He likes sweet stuff, I know he does.

But I have anorexia and body dysmorphia, I am obsessed with keeping my army muscular physique, so I don’t really indulge… yet, gosh this is good.
Not only because he’s finally quiet, munching on his cookie like a kid at Christmas, but because my stomach is also welcoming the nutritious food, which tastes much better than protein shakes.

The doctors warned me that I had to be careful with my obsession with liquid protein diet. But they don’t understand.
For 10 years, Hydra didn’t feed me food, I just had white goop pumped in my stomach via a gastric tube.
I’m scared of food. I do try to have food on a regular basis, but it’s a struggle.

Good thing the Soldier is obsessed with salmon sushis, that’s at least one decent meal per week.

« You’re not scared of me. » I state, like an idiot, breaking the moment.

She frowns.

« Why would I be scared? »
« I mean… I am a big guy, I constantly carry a gun and my left arm is made out of metal. »
« James… Bucky, I work at the ER of a military hospital. I’ve seen everything. »

Men, ask if she works with men.
Come on, of course she works with men, and women, it’s a hospital!
I don’t like it.
Hey, she’s been super nice to us, you don’t get to judge her work. She saves people for a living. You just eat sushi and dream of killing people.
I like sushi.
I know, I know.
Does she like sushi too?

I internally roll my eyes.

« Hey, can I take you out to eat, when you’re free, to pay you back? You’ve been super nice. »

She blinks and tilts her head.
« Aw… you don’t have to… but yes, ok. »
« Do you like sushi? »
« Yes! I am free today, so maybe… lunch?»

The Soldier is very smug.

Me?
I’m panicking.
Did I just ask my cute neighbor out on a date?
When I look like an idiot, still half naked in her kitchen, my shoulder a bandaged mess.
I haven’t shaved in days.
And the heater is still down in my bathroom.

« Would you happen to know if there’s a decent plumber around here? »
« What happened? »
« My heater is down. »
« Ouch! Call the owner, you shouldn’t have to pay to fix it… do you want to use my bathroom instead? I have warm water. »

Warm? She offers us warm water?
Yes big guy, she’s being extra nice, please don’t make it weird, ok?

Gosh the Soldier is hard to contain, as he’s very excited for a warm shower.

« That’s really sweet of you… that would be lovely. Cold water is kind of a trigger… »
« I get it, don’t worry. Just bring over whatever you need. I’ll have a quick shower first but don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of warm water left. »

So I reluctantly go back to my place, which looks more like a cell. I put back my gun in it’s drawer.

I sort out some clothes and toiletries, and I can't help but hear her shower on the other side of the wall of my bathroom.

Do not imagine her under the shower, come on. You’re supposed to be a gentleman.
She’s vulnerable, I need to protect her.
She’s alone in her flat, there is literally no threat.
We haven’t checked the flat, we don’t know that for certain.

Did I mention that the big guy, on top of being a psycho assassin, is utterly paranoid?
And there is no reasoning with that guy.
So I grab my stuff and go back to her place, which she left unlocked.

I do conduct a routine check, stealthy as alway.
In her bedroom, I freeze. I detect the hidden camera lens in a second.
Why is she being filmed?
I calculate the angle.
Bed, someone is filming her in bed.

I kill! I hear the big guy growl inside of me, getting very upset.
Don’t scare her, ok? We need to check on her first. Make sure she’s ok. Maybe she doesn’t even know.

« Hey, what do you need? »

I turn around to find her entering the bedroom, her hair wet, dressed in a pretty floral dress and a cute cream cardigan.

Gosh, she’s stunning.
Mine.
You sound like a kitten with a bowl of cream.
Cream is good.

I lead her outside of the bedroom, and check the bathroom quickly.

« Listen, I’m so used to conducting routine checks, it was sort of automatic to do one. I’m sorry, I didn’t ask for your permission. »

She smiles kindly.

« It’s quite all right, it’s not like there was anything to find! » she answers jokingly.
And then her faces drops as I don’t answer.
« James? »

I point my finger towards the bedroom door.

She nods, eyes wide.

« I’m gonna have shower real quick, just stay in the living room, I’ll be with you in a few minutes. »

The Soldier groans at the quick warm shower, I think he’s even smiling a little.

But I don’t waste time indulging him. I pat myself dry, put on fresh clothes, and join her on the couch.

She looks at me with big doe eyes.
She’s really cute.
She is worrying her lower lip as her phone rings.
She checks with me and I tell her to put the speaker on.

« Daniel, Hi! »
« Roxanne… I knew it, I knew you were a stupid slut! » a man snarls on the phone.

I kill.
Give us a minute.

« Daniel? » her eyes well up with tears.
« I have barely left you in a week and you’re already inviting men into your bedroom. »
« That’s not true… »
« Fucking liar. »

She starts shaking and I decide to end the call and switch off her phone.

« Hey, do you want to go take a walk in the park before lunch? »
She nods, visibly terrified.

I hold the door for her and we leave the building in silence.

We walk for a little while until we find a bench. It’s quiet.
« I’m afraid to ask, but what did you find in there, James? »
« There’s a camera in your bedroom, pointed at your bed. »
« Gosh… »
« Who is Daniel? »
« My ex… »
« Wait, he left you? »

She nods.

« Gosh, I’m sorry, what a piece of work. »
« I swear I don’t do that, what he said… »

The tears are falling down her cheeks now.

Pain. Pain in my stupid brain.

Chapter Text

Part 1 - Chapter 3

The Winter Soldier POV

The lady is crying, right beside me, sitting on a bench.
I like her. I like her a lot.

She’s soft and she feeds me sweet, round treats with chocolate bits. They make me very happy.

And there is a man out there responsible for those tears, so I will fix that. Happily.
But that’s for later.

Right now, she’s crying. I don’t want her to cry.

So I try and wrap my arms around her. Just like holding the soft, white plushie she gave me.
She lets me hold her, to my surprise.
We’re in the open, where everyone can see us, and she doesn’t push me back.
I’m a monster and she let’s me hold her in my dangerous arms, right here in public.

She’s small, delicate, and she fits right in against me.

I guide her head to nest on my chest and she doesn’t protest.
Her neck is exposed to me and I nuzzle right against it.

Gosh, her skin smells like sugar and spice.

I swear, do not mark her. Do not even try! She’s a dame! Bucky is totally panicking.
But look, we cuddle. She lets me cuddle!

I absolutely marvel at the sheer delight of holding her against me.
I feel her breathing, and I can tell she’s less scared.

Do I make her feel less scared?
That would make me feel really good.
People are always scared of me. Very scared.
Most of the time they should be, because I’m going to kill them.

But not her.
I’m going to protect her.

« Thank you, James. » She finally says, straightening up.

I pout internally.
I really liked the cuddle, I didn’t want it to end.

« He’s a drug dealer… I didn’t know, I swear I didn’t know when we met… he targeted me to try and get drugs from the hospital… »

« Did he hurt you? » Yeah me, I can speak. I sound darker than Bucky, my voice lower and a little more rough. Hopefully she won’t notice.

She bites her lip.
I would very much like to touch those lips, see if they are soft like her. See if they taste sweet.

Soldier, get your mind out of the gutter, now!
But she’s cute!
Yes she is very cute, that is why we are taking it slow and trying not to scare her!

She removes her cardigan.
I tense up. Bruises. Bruises everywhere. Old bruises, new bruises. I squint at horrific scars.

« Cigarette burns? »
« Correct. »
« I kill. »
« What ? »
« Him. I will kill him. He hurt you. »
« No, James please, you can’t get yourself into trouble for me, he’s way too dangerous… »
« I’m not James. »

Shit, seriously Soldier, you had to spit out the truth just like that? Don’t you think she’s traumatized enough as it is?

« What do you mean, you’re not James? » She tilts her head, staring at me. Simply curious, not scared.
« James is the good guy, the traumatized mess of a snipper kicked out of the army. He’s sweet and romantic and he’s very mad at me right now. »
« Why is he mad at you? »
« I told you our secret. I’m not him. » My body is getting agitated now, rocking itself back and forth like a scared kid.
« Hey, it’s ok, I’m right here. » She says quietly, her hand on my flesh arm, grounding me. « So, if you’re not James, who are you? »
« Promise you won’t be mad at me too? »
« Look, it’s just me, not mad. »
« I’m the best assassin in the world. I’m the Winter Soldier, Hydra’s former weapon. » I recite cheerfully. I never get to say this out loud. I never get to exist.

Fuuuuck, she’s going to run away from us now! You proud of yourself?
Bucky mad?
Yes. No. I just don’t want to loose her.

« …Ok… and how do I call you? »
« Soldier. »
« Ok, Soldier? Is James in there too right now? Do you share the same memories, the same thoughts? »
« He’s here, very mad at me. When it’s quiet, we share. Not always. »
« Ok. Thank you for letting me know. I will try not to mistake you both. Does it make you mad when people mistake you? »
« No. You can’t make us mad. We like you. We like you very much. »

Come on, shut up now…
But she’s not mad at us. Maybe she likes us too?
Don’t count on it, pal. Just try and behave.

She puts her cardigan back.

« Listen, no one else’s knows about my ex and what he was doing to me. I am guessing he planted the camera to blackmail me into selling drugs. But you can’t risk getting in jail over that, ok? »

Pain.

Bucky POV

Ouch, that hurt.

« Gosh, Roxanne, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to tell you but… the other guy isn’t exactly subtle. I am sorry your ex hurt you and planted a camera, we need to make sure you’re safe. »
« Aw, James? You’re back? »
« Yeah… »
« You know it’s ok, right? Multiple personality disorder is not uncommon in patients suffering from PTSD. The Soldier is quite cute actually! »

Hey, she said I’m cute!
You’re really not.

« Cute? He’s a psycho assassin! »
« Is he the part of you from the war? »
« He’s the tortured prisoner of war part of me. He’s… confused. He spent 10 years being fed with a gastric tube, hosed down until he bled, drowned in ice baths, his arm cut without anesthesia… I was there, locked in the backroom of my own mind, unable to command my body, I could only witness myself murdering people.»

Hey punk you don’t have to give her all the details! She won’t think I’m cute anymore!
Well, you didn’t have to tell her the blunt truth, but here we are.

She pales and her eyes well up again.

« That’s absolutely horrific. I am so sorry you’ve been through that, James. Both of you. I… I’m here if you need a friend, you know? »

I nod, grateful.

Friend? Cuddle Friend?
Hold your horses, friend is more than we deserve.
But I want cuddles!

I can’t help but roll my eyes.

« Ok, what is it? » she asks playfully.

I chuckle.

« The Soldier is currently throwing a fit because he wants cuddles. I’m trying to convince him to be a gentleman, to no avail, I’m afraid. »

She smiles. I like her smile.

« What about you? What do you want, James? »

« I’d love to be your friend. You’re amazing. And I won’t pretend that I don’t enjoy the cuddles too. » I confess, a little ashamed.

She nods and opens her arms.
I hesitate but the other guy is quiet now, shy.

So I settle against her neck, listening to her heart beat, and she holds me lightly.

« Like this? »
« This… this is really nice. » I answer, closing my eyes.
« I… I’ve missed cuddles. » she whispers, her finger tracing my flesh arm.
« Don’t tell me your stupid ex didn’t cuddle? »
« He never did. Made fun of me for asking, if anything. He just wanted in. And out. Didn’t get much choice.» Her voice is so sad.

I look at her in the eyes.

« Wait, you mean he forced you? »

He’ll pay for hurting my cuddle friend.
I…Can we do that together, I’m feeling quite murderous right now?

She nods, avoiding my gaze. Now it’s my turn to hold her and caress her hair.

« Doll… I’m so sorry… »
« He said no one else would want me anyway… »

I want her.
I know, I know, but you can’t tell her, not just yet. She needs a friend right now.

« That’s bullshit. You’re amazing, incredibly sweet, beautiful, kind-hearted… any man you choose would be honored to have you. »
« Really? »

Her beautiful pale green eyes lock into mine.

« Really. »
« What does the Soldier think about me? »
« He likes you very much. He liked the blanket and the plushie and the cookies and the chocolate coffee and the cuddles. »
« He’s easy to please. » she smiles sadly.
« Believe me, he’s not. I’m still trying to figure out what he likes, yet you made him very content in a few hours. »

I’m hungry. Very hungry. You said there would be sushi. I want sushi.

My stomach growl and she bites her lips, trying not to laugh.

« Guess it’s time I take you for sushi. The Soldier really likes sushi. »
« Aw, that’s cute! Let’s go! »

On the way there, she brushes my flesh hand and my heart skips a beat.

« James? »
« Yes? »
« The Soldier… how dangerous is he? »

I take a deep breath. I can’t lie to her, not after everything she’s done for us.

« He’s… unpredictable. Right now you’re here, so he’s a purring kitten. But believe me, when he’s pissed off, he can, and he will, kill without a second thought. He leaves the after thought to me, of course. »
« Do you… remember, when he gets in that state? »
« I used to… these days, not so much. I think he pushes me out completely sometimes, so I don’t know how bad it gets. »
« Who does he kill? »
« Bad people. Only bad people, these days. He’s not mean. I’m crazy but I’m not… he doesn’t kill for the thrill of it. He kills because he hates seeing bad people hurting innocent people. »
« Are you in trouble with the police? »
« No, Doll, don’t worry. I was the best assassin in the world for 10 years, he’s not sloppy. He’s many things, but he’s never bad at his job. »
« I see. »
« Do you… hate us? For being like this? »

She doesn’t hate us, right? She can’t? She will still give us cookies? And cuddles?

« James, I don’t hate you, absolutely not. I just feel really sad that you’re hurting so much. I wish I could help. But things are… complicated, right now. »

« You don’t owe us anything, Roxie. We’re just happy to know you, and happy to help if you need anything. »

« Well, the flat was in his name… I need to move out. Not easy on a nurse’s salary. »
« Ok, we will help you figure it out. And we can be your muscle to move out. »
« You’re sweet! » she smiles at me when I hold the door open for her.

We settle at a table, I let the Soldier map out all the exit points as usual. It keeps him quiet.

« So… I have to warn you… there’s a good chance the Soldier will show up for the food. He really loves his food. »
« You don’t? »
« I… have anorexia. I live of protein shakes. » I lower my eyes, ashamed.

To my surprise, she lays her hand on mine and gently caresses it.

That's when the headache hits, again.