Archive of Our Own ^beta

“You said it yourself, even you can't help me now.” Shane laid in the lone hospital bed in Harvey's clinic, the stubborn farmer sitting firmly at his side. She hadn't left all night, like some kind of guard fussing over him like an angry mother hen. It was absolutely infuriating really, though it was also endearing in a way he refused to admit. 

“No. What I said was I can't do it for you,” she huffed as she tried to shove another bottle of water at him. This was the third one if he remembered correctly. Hell he hadn't been this sober in weeks, her fingers wrapping around his arm and she softly added, “But what I can do is support you. Cheer you on. Love you, Shane. As I have for months now.”

He blinked slowly at her words. He knew she cared– but love? Fuck, this was bad. Not that he hadn't dreamed of this. Secretly. Late at night. But her loving him was just one more person to let down. One more disappointment. 

And if he made her cry? Well that was something he couldn't survive. 

“The hell is wrong with you?” he hissed as he jerked his arm away. “You must have a serious fix it complex. Fix the farm. The community center. Me…” His voice almost broke on that last word, growing soft before his agitation returned and he rolled his eyes. “You just have to be the hero-”

“Then call me fucking Bob the Builder!” she interrupted with a shout as she threw her arms up in the air. He had never seen her angry before, but the lack of sleep and last night's events had her on edge. He just kept pushing her away, and she was damn tired of his nonsense. 

“However, I'm not giving up on you,” she added gently as she scrunched the hem of her dress up in her fingers. He could hear the pain there, the tears that threatened to fall as she looked down at her hands. 

“It would be the smart thing to do.” 

He got quiet, staring at the wall as he avoided her gaze. But he refused to flinch away when her smaller palm slipped into his. Her warmth sank into his skin, into his very soul, as she spoke.

“It would,” she agreed as she gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “But I'm not.”

“Why? I'm not your pet project.” 

She laughed then, a sound that made his chest feel lighter despite everything that had happened. As if what he said was the funniest thing she had ever heard while the corner of her mouth tugged up holding secrets unknown. 

“Because maybe you aren't the only one broken, Shane,” she replied in a haunting whisper as his mouth fell open in shock at her revelation. The Farmer was always so put together, so sure. There was no way she was as damaged as him. 

She never broke their connection as she stood and took a seat next to him in the bed. Her fingers traced the lines of his calloused palm as she continued to absently babble, spilling her soul in the quiet of the hospital room. 

“Maybe Mommy and Daddy didn't love me enough. Maybe I fix the farm because it's the only thing I have left of the one person who really cared about me in life. Maybe I fix the community center because for the first time I feel like I belong somewhere. And just maybe-” she paused as she looked up to meet his gaze, her green eyes shining with unshed tears. “I try to help you because the thought of waking up one day without seeing your sarcastic ass smile or hearing one of your teasing comments makes me feel like I might just jump off that fucking cliff with you.” 

“So you're a head case too?” he chuckled in wonder as he reached up with his free hand and gently touched her cheek. A sense of contentment washed over him when she grinned in response and leaned into his touch with a soft sigh. 

“I guess I am,” she nodded as her eyes fluttered closed. “Just crazy enough to see you for who you really are.”

“I'm just a washed up alcoholic stuck in this shitty town.” It was true. He sure as hell didn't deserve someone like her. But now that he was here, he couldn't turn away. Not when everything he had ever wanted, ever craved, was leaning into his palm like he was the center of her world. 

“You're more than that.” Her tone turned serious as she fixed him with her hard stare. “You're a man who cared enough about a little girl to take her in despite your own issues. You brought her back here so your aunt could help. You care about Marnie. You're the best chicken keeper I know.” He rolled his eyes at that one, and she took that moment to lean forward as she whispered, “And despite how hard you may try to deny it, I know you care about me.” 

He knew it was a terrible idea. She had just saved him from the edge of a cliff last night. And he was a complete mess who needed to get his life together. 

But by Yoba if he was going to make a mistake, at least this one tasted like sweet summer strawberries. 

“Alright if you think I can do this, then I will go,” he promised against her mouth as he pulled away from the kiss. “Harvey says there's a place in the city where I can get treatment.”

“Of course, Shane,” she said as she pressed her forehead to his. “I will always be here. Whether to talk you off the cliff, or into something better. Either way, we can stay and wait it out.”