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Formula 1 Grand Prix in Monaco was one of the biggest events on the Mediterranean coast.
During this time of the year, it was hot and festive.
People everywhere, more yachts than cars on the coast, and beach party in every corner of the city.
The Monaco Grand Prix was the event not to be missed, especially this year.
Everyone was attending, anticipation at his highest.
After all, for the first time in ten years, the MX team had qualified for Pole Position for the start of the race, beating their oldest and ferocious rival, the FX team.
The excitement for the Grand Prix tripled after the result of the qualifying session, making this race one of the most talked-about sport results for years to come.
Now the last day of Monaco Grand Prix was finally here.
The day Gojo Satoru and Geto Suguru would make sure everybody knew their names forever in the Formula 1 world.
The sound of cars preparing to start the race echoed across the circuit.
The excitement of the spectators, the incessant noise of cameras ready to capture the moment history would be made, the palpable anxiety of their coach, which was hard to miss.
Everything was happening at the same time making it hard to contain the pressure of expectations falling onto them.
But for Satoru Gojo, nothing made him afraid if he had his partner and best friend by his side.
As long as Suguru Geto was by his side, the expectation, the pressure, the burden of it all was nothing but meaningless.
Today was the most important day. The day everything would ever change for them.
Because for Satoru, no matter who succeeded on getting Pole Position again today and finally manage to give their team their first Monaco Grand Prix in ten years, he would ask Suguru, his boyfriend of five years, to marry him.
They were quite young, but he knew he wouldn’t want to spend the rest of his life with anyone but his Suguru.
The starting light sequence illuminate one by one across the grid.
Satoru glanced at Suguru by his side, on his own car, on Pole Position 2.
Even through their helmets, he could tell Suguru was smiling at him.
He returned it, winking at his boyfriend—his future husband, he thought excitedly.
At the same time, he gestured a kiss on his own finger and pointed it toward the sky, their sign for good luck.
He saw a glimpse of Suguru’s cackle under his helmet as he reproduced the same sign.
The cameras immediately flashed on them, and Satoru could already see the headlines, endlessly speculating on the nature of their relationship.
Too close to be just friend, not enough to be lovers, the Internet would claim later.
But in this moment, Satoru had just eyes for Suguru and for how beautiful he looked on the grid, ready to race.
He smiled widely, butterflies overflowing in his heart, he tightened his grip on the wheel, and with renewed confidence filled by his boyfriend’s good luck, he pushed the accelerator pedal as soon as he saw the five red lights went out simultaneously, the start signal for the race.
After all, his mind was now full of pictures of his future wedding with Suguru. No better motivation than this.
Years later, Japan, Tokyo.
“And for the Monaco Grand Prix of 20XX, Mx team won the race, securing Pole Position with—”. The television blared loudly in the house as one of Satoru’s old races was playing.
He scoffed as he came down into the living room. His adoptive sons, Megumi Fushiguro and Yuta Okkotsu, were there with Megumi’s boyfriend, Yuji Itadori.
Yuji’s eyes were glued to the screen, admiration and excitement filled in them. “Wow, no matter how many times I watch this race, you guys, your dad still impresses me.”
Yuta laughed, feeling the same proudness he felt back then when he watched the same race for the first time. “Right? Satoru was so good at racing! There’s reason everyone feared him on the grid.”
His dad was the reason he was a Formula 1 driver too.
He had learned from the best and it was worth it because now, following the same steps as his dad and trainer, he was winning Pole Position at only 21 years old.
“Please do not inflate his ego any more than it already is. When you two aren’t home, I’m the one who have to deal with that.” Megumi said as he slumped into the couch, letting his body rest closer to his boyfriend.
Satoru laughed louder at those words, making his presence known. “Don’t be too sad ‘Gumi. I’ll make sure to tell you personally the story about how me and the team celebrate right after that win.”
Shivers went down Megumi’s spine as he remembered the unfiltered stories Satoru had told him against his will, unfortunately accompanied by pictures too. “Please, don’t.” His irritation instantly melted away as Yuuji put his arms around him, warming him up.
Yuta and Satoru laughed more at the younger one’s discomfort.
Yuta turned his attention completely on his dad as he remembered something. “Oh yeah, Satoru?” Satoru hummed, answering a text he had just received. “I was thinking I could go and get some groceries for Toge. I’m trying to surprise him. Could you help me with that?” Yuta asked, his key car already in hands. No one was better at planning surprise than Satoru.
Satoru looked up from his phone, smiling at his son’s attention for his “friend”, as Yuta liked to call Toge. “Sure, let’s go.” He tried to conceal his smile while putting his jacket on.
He cleared his throat before yelling in the direction of his other son and his boyfriend. “Kids, don’t do nasty stuff while we’re out. I activated the security camera.”
He doesn’t bother hearing their retorts as he closed the door right after saying that.
Yuta, already waiting in the car, urged him to get in.
Always so eager when it concerned Toge. Friends, my ass. Satoru thought while rolling his eyes.
The grocery shop wasn’t far from their home.
The ride was quite short, filled with laughter and anecdotes about things they had missed in each other’s lives while Yuta was overseas, racing and participating in several competitions.
Soon enough, they arrived at the grocery shop, a shopping cart in Yuta’s hands, sliding between aisles.
Their focus shifted from the grocery shelves to Yuta’s relationship with his famously longtime friend, Toge.
“You think he’s trying to distance himself from you?” Satoru asked as he watched Yuta’s anxiety grow by the minute, written all over his face.
Yuta sighed, patting his neck uneasily. “Yes,” His voice sounded defeated. “Things have been different between us since I’m not always here. I thought calling every day would ease the distance, but I feel like it’s not enough anymore.”
Yuta fidgeted nervously with his fingers, his eyes barely hiding his sadness. Satoru knew how much Toge meant to Yuta. Enough for him to doubt, when he was chosen as one of the representative drivers for one of the biggest Formula 1 teams.
The only mechanic he had knew was Toge, the reason of all his win. Yuta had said back then, trying to convince himself he wasn’t worthy of a spot on a Formula 1 team.
In the end, Toge was the same person who convinced him to accept the offer without regret, claiming it was for the best.
But Satoru himself knew how much racing can take from someone. Annihilating everything in its path like a tornado, leaving behind only ashes and sorrow.
Nevertheless, those two loved each other too much—even if they didn’t seem ready to admit it—to let something like this sport get between them.
“It can be though trying to manage everything while staying on top of your performance, and knowing Toge, he might have done this for your benefit.” Satoru said, looking keenly at Yuta. The son lifts his eyebrows, unsure of what Satoru meant. “What I’m trying to say is you two are selfless and if you care enough about him, do not let this sport wreck everything between you two.” Satoru added. “Be honest with him and with yourself, Yuta.”
Yuta let out a heavy sigh. The fear of destroying his friendship with Toge was greater than his feeling of being rejected.
Satoru patted him on the back to reassure him. “Yuta, it’s Toge, your friend since middle school. You two are way too attached at the hips to just fall out. Go talk with him and you’ll see that everything would be okay.”
Yeah. That’s what everyone said about You and Geto Suguru. Yuta thought bitterly, recalling memories of a saddened and shattered Satoru.
Satoru sighed, not knowing what to say anymore to ease Yuta. He wasn’t really good at cheering someone up. That’s why one of his sons was an emotional repressive teenager and the other one was a sickly anxious young man.
But, despite Satoru’s feeling of inadequacy, Yuta seemed to slowly calm down. He smiled faintly. “Thanks Satoru.” He said sincerely as he glanced down at their shopping cart and exclaimed. “Sugar!” He snapped his fingers. “I’m coming back, stay here, ‘Gumi asked me this morning for sugar if I go out, I can’t believe I almost forgot.” He said, rushing back to the aisle they had left minutes ago.
However, Satoru continued to move forward, looking with indifference at the products placed on the shelves.
Something flashy caught the corner of his eyes when he noticed the last box of noodles, one he used to eat all the time when he was a teenager.
Oh my, they’re still making these. He thought as he reached out to take the box.
At the same time, someone touched the box too, their fingers brushing together.
“Oh, I’m sor—” The stranger hastily said.
“I touch this first—” Satoru said at the same time, ready to tussle.
The words died at the tips of their tongues as their gaze met.
Suguru Geto was right before his eyes. His ex-best friend and ex-partner.
His ex-boyfriend, who happened to be back in Tokyo.
Suguru Geto’s eyes slightly widened, not expecting to run into Satoru here. “Satoru…” He said, his tone as gentle as ever. “Fancy seeing you here.”
Satoru was uncharacteristically quiet. His eyes fixed on the simple gold band on Suguru’s left finger. Simple and elegant, quite suitable for someone like Suguru.
His eyes went back to the face of the same man he didn’t expect to meet here, not while he was running errands with his son. “I didn’t know you were back in Tokyo.” He said, already knowing the ‘why’.
After all, why would he know something like that when it’d been years since they last talked. At this point, they were worse than strangers.
Suguru awkwardly scratched his cheek, unsure of how to respond.
And Satoru smiled bitterly, not feeling the need to know more. After all, the silence was an answer in itself.
Satoru clenched his fist, hiding them behind his back. “My fault, I shouldn’t have asked.”
He turned around, ignoring the loudness of his own heartbeat and the distasteful ache creeping around his core.
“Wait, don’t go.” Suguru said, stopping him in his tracks. “At least, take this with you. You were right, you touched it first.” Suguru handed him the noodle box.
Satoru glanced down at the object as if it personally offended him. “You can keep it. I do not like this flavor anymore.”
He could sense Suguru tensing at those words, but he retracted his hands, keeping the old box of noodles close to himself.
Suguru wanted to say something more, but before he could, someone else interrupted them.
“Darling.” A woman said. Blonde and beautiful. She put her hand around Suguru’s arm. “I was looking for you and here you are, chitchatting.” The woman looked at him, she gasped, visibly surprised. “Are you Satoru Gojo?”
He smiled tightly. “Yes, and you’re?”
The woman giggled as she excitedly tapped Suguru’s shoulder. “I’m his wife!” She said, pointing at Suguru. “I can’t believe I’m literally in front of Satoru Gojo, my brother is such a fan!”
He looked at Suguru, who was now more tense than before. His wife giggled and talked about something he hadn’t quite caught. All noise filtered out as his eyes solely focused on Suguru.
The bubble burst when he felt a hand slide onto his waist and a light kiss being placed on his cheek.
“Hey babe, I went home and the kids told me you were here with Yuta. I thought I could come by and surprise you.” His boyfriend said with a smile.
Satoru was surprised. He didn’t expect his boyfriend at all today. His boyfriend had told him this morning his flight was delayed, so they couldn’t celebrate their couple anniversary together. His presence was indeed a surprise.
Suguru’s wife gasped audibly and Suguru’s eyes widened further.
His boyfriend began to introduce himself at who he knew as Satoru’s former racing partner. Nothing less, nothing more.
Suguru’s eyes never left Satoru’s until his boyfriend cleared his throat, handshake hanging in the air, still waiting for Suguru to take it.
Suguru didn’t. He smiled at his wife. “I think we should get going.” He turned back to Satoru. He wanted to say something, anything else but. “It was nice seeing you again, Satoru.” He chickened out, again, just like back then. He bowed slightly, before going.
He never really acknowledged Satoru’s boyfriend.
“What the hell? Watching him on TV, he seemed nicer. I thought he was the nicer one between you two” Satoru’s Boyfriend complained.
Satoru faintly shrugged. “Let’s just go. Yuta must be waiting for us”
If his boyfriend noticed his drop of energy, which was very rare especially after a surprise—Satoru loved surprises—he didn’t say anything. He just patted Satoru’s arm, hoping to soothe him even a little.
Satoru didn’t know what to expect if he ever saw Suguru again after all these years had passed.
Sadness. Wrath. Annoyance. Rage.
He imagined everything but emptiness. It was quite laughable.
Today, the two of them have moved on from their shared past. Someone else by their sides now.
Younger him could have never imagined that their future would look like this, but now it was the reality he had learned to live with.
After all, they no longer owed anything to each other. They were happy as they were, where they were.
~~~
cAn We tLlk, Toruuyy...
An unsaved number but a familiar name he was used to being called.
Suguru’s drunk texts were recognizable from miles away.
Grammar off, capital letters were they shouldn’t be, and Satoru’s name spelled wrong.
For someone like Suguru who always wrote his texts like professional e-mails, Satoru used to find his drunk manners quite funny.
He certainly hadn’t found it funny when he spent nights waiting for Suguru to finally text him back, explaining everything, even if it was a drunk text, a mistake he’d made.
Satoru sighed as he opened his phone for the nth time this night, the same text, still unopened, looking right back at him, silently defying him.
As he contemplated blocking the unsaved number—which he still knew by heart, even if his mind wanted to forget it all—a second one appeared, brightening his screen.
I’m aT XXX bar, jUst joiM me
Jeez. Seriously how much drunk he was? Satoru thought, immediately closing his phone when he heard his boyfriend’s steps out of the shower and into the room.
His boyfriend exhaled heavily, wiping his hair still damp from a long shower. “I really needed that. The flight was so long. You would have hated it.”
Satoru approached his boyfriend by behind and massaged his shoulders, trying to ease his tiredness. “You must be tired. You need to rest.”
His boyfriend smiled, turning to face him. He wrapped his arms around Satoru’s neck. “I am, but I’m not letting our anniversary go to waste.” He placed a quick kiss on Satoru’s lips. “I have something for you but you need to do me a favor.”
Satoru hummed distractedly, his eyes drifting towards his phone on the bed, which kept glowing with each new text from the same unsaved number.
“Can you go get the cake?” said his boyfriend excitedly. “I ordered your favorite for today. I got some idea on how we could finish the night.” He said playfully sliding his finger on Satoru’s chest. He laughed and placed another quick kiss on Satoru’s lips before removing his arms around Satoru’s neck and answering his own phone when it rang.
His boyfriend picked up the phone and quietly whispered to him, his hand covering the phone’s microphone. “It’s under my name. Thanks, babe.” He walked out of the room, already hectic on his phone.
Satoru glanced back at his own phone, tossed in the bedsheets. It stopped glowing for a while now, only his own reflection facing him when he finally took the phone.
Suguru’s texts filled his notification banner when he opened his phone. From a simple bar address to his name being spelled wrong over and over again. He should ignore it.
He should block the number. He should call one of his sons—who decide to spend the night outside today at their significant other’s—and tell them to go get the cake for him. He should go downstairs and fuck his boyfriend on the counter. He should celebrate their anniversary together and stop think of Suguru and his wife. Anything was better than stare at his phone harshly, waiting for the right answer to pop up.
No matter what that answer might be, he should not go see Suguru Geto tonight.
~~~
Satoru was in front of the bar Suguru was supposed to be in.
He let his face fall against the steering wheel as his own weakness sank in.
He hadn’t responded to Suguru’s texts though.
He’d told his boyfriend he would get the cake and come back.
And he was determined to achieve that mission, after making sure Suguru was safe and far away from some sketchy bar.
It would be the right thing to do.
Even though, it’d been years since they had talked—their last and wrecked conversation still vivid in his head.
Nevertheless, he still couldn’t bring himself to get out of his car and go inside.
A knock on his car window disrupted his thoughts.
He rolled down the window and suddenly he was back in his teenage years, when he’d found Suguru smoking for the first time.
The faint light of the streetlamps illuminating Suguru’s soft features.
His long black hair tied in a messy bun, a few strands escaping to frame his face, making him look softer.
The cigarette hung lazily between his fingers, and his slight smile making his eyes faded into two lines drawn by a skilled artist.
The only difference from back then, was the faint blush on Suguru’s cheeks as he purred his name. “Satoru.” His name never sounded more enchanting than in that moment. “You came.”
Satoru swallowed with difficulty the swamp in his throat. “You called.” His voice sounded rockier than he intended.
Suguru laughed and Satoru held himself from gasping for air.
He forgot how beautiful Suguru sounded when he laughed like that, without any care in the world.
Suguru let his laugh fade into another faint smile. “You mind taking me home?”
For a second, Satoru hesitated. He really shouldn’t do that.
Before he could think it through, he gestured at Suguru to just get in the car.
Satoru dropped his cigarette and climbed into Satoru’s newest car.
The ride was silent. Satoru drove while Suguru looked at the city through the window, the cold night wind soothing his drunkenness.
Suguru broke the silence first, his eyes still on the city. “I forgot how incredible Tokyo looked at night.”
Satoru kept his eyes on the road, not responding.
Suguru sighed, slumping deeper into his seat. “I didn’t expect to be talking to myself tonight.” He let his head rest against the doorframe of the car, his eyes on Satoru. “Not much of a talker today?”
Satoru tightened his jaw. “You lost that privilege years ago, Suguru.” His words cutting deeper than he had meant them to.
Fuck. He thought when he saw Suguru tensed. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to calm himself. “Why didn’t you call your wife?” He asked, more gentle.
Suguru mumbled. “I didn’t want to.”
Satoru frowned. “Your parents?” Last time he’d checked, Suguru’s parents were still living in Tokyo.
Suguru scoffed. “We don’t talk anymore.”
Satoru wanted to ask more but the sound of the GPS dinged, indicating they had arrived at their destination.
Satoru frowned more when he saw that they were at a hotel. “You’re staying here?”
Suguru nodded. “Thanks for the ride.” He got out of the car, hesitated for a moment, then leaned in before closing the door. “Do you…” Another hesitation. He bit his lips. “Do you want to come up?”
Satoru shouldn’t consider it any further. He should close his car door himself and go back to his boyfriend, who was waiting for him.
Instead, he said. “Suguru…” He called out the name of the one he’d once called a lover, silently pleading for his heart to be spared.
“You don’t have to stay for too long. I believe I owe you a conversation. Better late than never?” Suguru offered, alcohol still heavy in his blood but his mind had never been clearer.
Satoru sighed. “Let me park and I’ll come up.”
Suguru hotel’s room was quite simple as always. The only way to know someone had been there was by the small black bag neatly ranged in the corner.
“Water?” Suguru offered, handing him a glass.
Satoru stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. “No, thanks. You need it more than me.”
Suguru shrugged before chugging down the glass of water.
He put the glasses down and removed the elastic band, letting his hair fall down his back in a cascade.
Satoru looked away, feeling suddenly shy.
The room seems warmer. He thought, fanning himself with his hand.
“Your boyfriend seemed nice.” Suguru said out of the blue, his back still turned to Satoru.
Satoru raised an eyebrow, unsure of why they are suddenly talking about his boyfriend. “He is.”
“Oh really?” Suguru sneered while slowly unbuttoning his shirt. “I never thought you would go for the nice type.” His pants were on the floor.
“Oh, because you know me so we—” Satoru’s words died in his throat as he found himself facing Suguru in just his underwear. Pants and shirt discarded on the floor.
Suguru let himself fall down onto the bed. He closed his eyes momentarily. When he opened it again, he looked at Satoru. “Yeah, I know you well.” A gentle smile graced his face. “I know how cocky and bratty you are.” He closed his eyes again, letting the memories they shared together flood in. “I know how you tend to find nice people irritating. They care too much about how other people see them, you’d said.”
Not knowing you had the biggest people-pleaser by your side. Suguru thought, repressing a self-depreciative smile.
Suguru slid his hands over his stomach to the waistband of his underwear. “I know how you like to get off.” His eyes fixed on Satoru’s, who was watching him religiously. He slides his hand in his underwear, releasing his half hard cock. “I know each one of your sensible spots.” He stroked himself, slowly, taking his time while imagining it was Satoru’s hand. “Satoru,” He moaned. “That man could never get you off like I do.”
“Fuck.” Satoru said as he closed the gap between them.
He abruptly grabbed Suguru's hand, turned him around, Suguru’s ass facing him, and he slapped his ass. Hard and precise.
Suguru let out a surprised sound, immediately following by another moan as his cock began to leak furiously. “Satoru…”
Satoru groaned as he slapped Suguru’s ass again. The loud handclaps echoing across the room mixed with Suguru’s loud moans. “Please Satoru, I want you…”
Satoru stopped for one moment, admiring Suguru’s ass who was now quite red. Suguru was quivering on the bed, his cock still leaking and his asshole clenching around nothing. “Please Satoru, I want to come…”
Satoru bit his lip as he slowly caressed Suguru’s ass, barely brushing his asshole. “And why should I help you with that?” He groaned.
Suguru tsked. “Don’t. I’ll do it myself.” He tried to stroke his own cock by himself again, but he was met with another slap on his hand this time. “Satoru!”
Satoru unbuckled his belt and in one smooth movement, he tied Suguru’s hands together with it, pinning him down on the bed.
Slowly, he stroked Suguru’s dick. Fast. Roughly. Firmly. Deliberately eviting the tip, the most sensible part of Suguru’s dick. The quickest way to make him cum.
His other hand squeezed Suguru’s waist in a strong bruising grip as he pushed his clothed erection into Suguru’s ass.
Suguru moaned loudly as he felt near his orgasm.
“I hate you.” Satoru blown under his breath. He leaned down and bit Suguru’s shoulder, leaving a red mark who would soon turn purple.
“I know.” Suguru moaned, too lost in the sensation, squeezing his eyes tight.
Close… I’m so close… Suguru thought, chasing his own pleasure in Satoru’s hands.
He was about to come. His eyes were rolled all the way back in his head when everything stopped. The stroking. The pleasure. Everything was gone.
Before he could fully understand, he was back on his back and his legs up.
Satoru’s pants were open, leaving only his soaked underwear by his precum and his almost bursting cock visible.
He tightened his belt on Suguru’s wrist. “You had your fun?” his voice low and deep. Suguru felt a shiver down his spine.
Satoru’s finger bordered on Suguru’s asshole again, his finger sliding with ease as if it was already waiting for him. He scoffed. “Suguru. Now, I’m taking the control back.”
Satoru removed his finger and before Suguru had the time to register anything, he felt a sudden thrust into his hole, leaving him utterly speechless.
“Wait Satoru it’s too sud—” His word died in his throat as Satoru began to move, fucking him intensely.
It was rough. Too rough. Squelching sound taking over Suguru’s moans as Satoru pounded into him earnestly.
Suguru’s legs were wrapped around Satoru’s waist as his hand were grabbing Suguru’s waist harder.
The pleasure was incommensurable for Suguru.
The only thing he could think of was Satoru’s cock in and out him.
The rough cadence who would leave him sore in the morning.
Satoru’s heavy breath as he squeezed his waist into oblivion, leaving marks only him can do.
His mind was filled with Satoru, chanting his name like a praise.
He missed that. Satoru’s body, Satoru’s laugh, Satoru’s scent. He had missed everything about Satoru.
“Satoru let’s cum—” Suguru stopped himself when he saw Satoru cried.
Satoru never cried. Not during sex. Not when they broke up.
Satoru sobbed. “I hate you so much, Suguru.” He thrusted harder.
Suguru bit his lips harder, his arm covering his eyes.
When another thrust hit his prostate again, Suguru’s vision went completely black as he spurted out ropes of cum.
At the same time, Satoru thrusted into him one last time as he ejaculated abruptly, his semen painting Suguru's walls completely white.
Heavy breath filled the room as they came down their high.
The silence was defeating as Satoru pulled out from Suguru, his cum spilled on the sheet, while Suguru whimpered, still sensible from his orgasm.
Suguru lay still on the mattress, his legs momentarily giving out while his arm remained draped over his eyes. He heard Satoru’s footsteps cross the room and the next things he felt was a cold wipe on his hole.
“You need to clean up or else you’ll get an upset stomach.” Satoru’s voice was barely higher than a whisper, his voice still raspy from his cry.
When nothing was left to clean, Satoru stood up and went to the shower.
Suddenly, the only noise he could heard in the room was the sound of the shower that Satoru was taking.
Suguru’s lips slowly wavered as he tried to hold back his tears. It was all for nothing when his tears still dropped and the lump in is throat grew larger.
I hate me too, Satoru.
Satoru got out the shower, cleaned and clothed, his phone in hands.
Texts and missed called from his boyfriend.
The calls and the texts stopped two hours ago.
He sighed, his eyes dropped on Suguru’s figure who now had his back turned from him.
“Don’t you have anything to say, Suguru.” He asked, already knowing the answer. Even though, he still hoped to be wrong.
But only the silence answered him again. Just like in the past.
Satoru scoffed bitterly, a distinctive and yet familiar ache making his way into his heart. “I guess it was too much to ask again.” He slammed the room door fiercely, leaving Suguru alone in a room too big for one person.
The room went quiet for a few minutes before being slowly filled by Suguru’s quiet sobs.
Satoru parked his car in the driveway, a melted cake in his hands.
He took a deep breath before going inside.
Everything was dark and silent, a cold dinner waiting silently on the table.
“Fuck.” He whispered.
He left the cake on the counter before quickly going upstairs. A sleeping figure lay in the bed, fully covered by the sheets.
Satoru leaned down, gently reaching his boyfriend. “Babe…” caution in his tone. “Are you asleep?”
His boyfriend, his back still turned back, said nothing.
He just stood up and left the room before Satoru stopped him by grabbing his wrist. “Can we just talk, please. Be angry, throw something at me, but do not leave like this.”
Satoru tried. He really did because no matter what his heart wanted, his mind knew better.
His boyfriend looked at him, his eyes puffy from all the tears he’d shed.
Satoru’s heart dropped to his stomach because the sight was so familiar.
It was the same look he was used to see in the mirror after Suguru had left him.
“You smell like him, Satoru.” His boyfriend’s voice sounded so tired while tears began to filled his eyes again. “I didn’t believe the rumors between you two back then because you never told me anything.” His voice cracked as Satoru’s hold on his wrist loosened up. “I never asked you to stay if you didn’t love me.” His tears were now fulling displayed on his cheeks as he sniffed, falling to hold them back. “I’m sorry, but I can’t stay in this relationship while your heart clearly still belonged to someone else.” His voice finally broke down. “I’m sorry…sniff…I’m sorry but I can’t...”
Satoru couldn’t bring himself to comfort his boyfriend.
He didn’t have that courage and now he finally realized he’d became the same version of Suguru he’d despised all those years.
A fucking coward.
When morning came, he was all alone in the house. His boyfriend had left last night, unable to bear staying under the same roof as him any longer.
His dark circles were prominent when he looked at the mirror, especially after staying awake all night long trying to understand where everything had gone wrong in his life.
He clearly remembered the first time he met Suguru Geto.
At just 11 years old, they met on the racetrack when Suguru signed up for the city club.
He was new in the city and needed a new racing club and Satoru was there and the best racer in the club.
He didn’t care for a new one in their club, he thought he would behave just like the others.
Trying to be his friends because of his family and eventually going away when he found him too mean.
But, Suguru wasn’t like that. He was polite and nice.
No matter what joke Satoru made at his expense, Suguru would just ignore and focus on beating him on the grid.
And after the race, Suguru would make sure he regretted his twisted jokes.
Putting egg in his helmet? Suguru would just put a bunch of gum in his.
Hiding his gloves before a race? Suguru would just slash his tires for the next race.
No matter what he did to him, Suguru would made him pay twice more.
But no one believed Satoru when he told them what Suguru had done.
Because to everyone in their club, Suguru was a nice and well-behaved kid who wouldn’t do any harm.
Satoru, on the other hand, was a brat who always played mischievous jokes on the other kids.
It was the first time, Satoru found someone who wouldn’t put with his bullshit and just returned it. It was the first time, he felt like he’d found a friend.
The jokes turned into playful banter and eventually into his way of asking Suguru to be his best friend. They stick together since then and never went apart for too long.
Satoru’s parents became accustomed to Suguru, to the point of bringing banners to support them both at every race.
Suguru entered every aspect of his life and Satoru didn’t mind a bit.
At 18 years old, they were recognized on the international stage and were both drafted into Formula 1 for the same team. It was a requirement for both of them, they didn’t want to be separated.
They raced. They were interviewed. They campaigned. Everything besides each other.
And at 19 years, after another competition, they kissed in the privacy of their shared room.
It was Satoru’s first kiss, and he wouldn’t want it any other way.
Confession was awkward but having to claim your best friend as your boyfriend was worth the awkwardness of it all.
Claimed was a big world though. They didn’t display the status of their relationship because of a lot of factors. Formula 1 was a small world, too small to be tolerating this type of relationship between new and young racers. No matter how good they were.
Satoru didn’t mind, he knew his parents would do everything to protect him if something came to leak one day, but he couldn’t say the same for Suguru.
Suguru wanted to wait before telling his parents.
“It would take time, ‘Toru, for them to accept it”
“It not the good the time now.”
“Let’s win another championship before telling them.”
Satoru knew it was just excuses but for Suguru, he was ready to wait.
At 24 years old, their name was already established in the Formula 1 world.
Biggest duo. Biggest new racers. Japan’s Miracles.
Their names were everywhere and their face on every building and merch.
The Monaco Grand prix was the pinnacle of their career. If they won, they would, not only, be qualified as legends for their club but for the racing world as well.
Satoru knew—or at least, he thought— it would be the perfect to time ask his Suguru to be together for life.
His parents helped him choose the ring.
He and his dad leaned toward something extravagant, something that could come at least close to matching the love he felt for Suguru.
His mom reprimanded them and chose something simple and discreet.
Something they all knew Suguru would love.
Satoru was wrong.
They’d won. It was an incredible race. He placed Pole 2 and Suguru placed Pole 1.
They’d won the Monaco Grand Prix, for the first time in 10 years, for their team.
Still, Suguru didn’t seem happy.
The celebration was hectic. He didn’t have time to propose.
Days later, when the adrenaline wore off and they were returning to Japan to rest, Suguru put a term to their relationship, only to announce his retirement on national television the next day.
Satoru spent years trying to understand where everything went wrong.
He called, pleaded, yelled at Suguru, just to understand, just to not lose the one he thought was his only one.
But nothing ever came close to understanding.
Suguru left the country months later and Satoru learned about his private marriage in New York through social media.
They never talked again since then.
“Hey Satoru, we’re back.” Yuji’s voice broke through the flood of memories. “The movie was so nice yesterday. You would’ve love it.” The door closed, and Megumi and Yuji came into the kitchen, hands full of pastries.
Yuji, still smiling, held up the bag of pastries. “We brought enough pastries for breakfast and for you and your boyfriend too.”
Megumi frowned when he noticed the absence of said boyfriend. “Where he is though? Usually, he’s the one cooking at this hour.”
Satoru turned to face them, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. “He left this morning and we run out of milk, so I’ll go ahead and get it at the store.”
The boys looked at each other, a little worried at the sight of Satoru's dark circles, but said nothing, unsure of what would be appropriate.
After all, Satoru never offered to do groceries, even the small ones, by himself.
Satoru took his car key and went outside.
He was not sure how he ended up at his old racing club, but he was there.
The club was the same as he remembered: shiny, big and quite impressive.
It’d been months since he came here, since Yuta was called to the international stage.
Usually, the club was closed at the beginning of the week, but he could see the lights on. Someone was here.
And he certainly didn’t expect to find Suguru and his wife sitting in the stands.
Perfect, first I got dumped in the middle of the night and now this.
Satoru felt his irritation grow worse by the minutes and when he tried to leave without being noticed, he was caught.
“Oh look, speak of the devil!” Suguru’s wife exclaimed when she caught a glimpse of his distinctive white hair.
Fuck. Satoru thought, wondering f if he was cursed.
She waved him over, urged him to approach as Suguru looked surprised as if he saw a ghost.
Oh please, give me break. I won’t tell your wife I was fucking you last night. Only one of us needs to get dumped. Satoru rolled his eyes, his hand in his pocket as he approached them.
Suguru’s wife smile got broader. “You’re just in time! Someone’s been meaning to talk to you.” She eyed Suguru, seemingly telling him something with just her eyes. “Anyways, I was on my way out, so I’ll leave you two alone.”
Are they were talking about me? Satoru wondered as he took a good look at Suguru’s face when he was closer. Damn, he seemed as miserable as me.
Satoru didn’t know how many times he’d wished for Suguru to feel the same despair he’d felt back then. But seeing him like this now wasn’t really as rewarding as he’d imagined.
“Oh, and Satoru?” Suguru’s wife said before leaving. “That dumbass and I divorced years ago. He was just too much of a coward to come see you again.” She grinned and waved her goodbye.
Satoru looked at Suguru, trying to see if it was the truth, but the face of shock and embarrassment Suguru made was enough of an answer.
He sighed and sat down a little closer to Suguru.
The sky was quite blue today. It was a little windy and the birds were flying high.
The warmth of the sun before noon was quite pleasant too.
It was the ideal day for racing, and they were back where they had met for the first time.
This time, Satoru broke the silence first. “How’re you feeling?”
Suguru turned his head toward him, surprised he would ask that. After all, he was sure Satoru had a many more questions for him. “I’m feeling a bit sore but I don’t think you will apologize for your roughness.” He smiled faintly.
Satoru scoffed. “You’re not the only one who knows things about the other person. I know you like it rough.” His face darkened a little bit as he mocked himself. “But to be honest, I don’t think I knew you at all, Suguru.”
“Don’t say that, please. You were the only one I could be myself around.”
“So why did you leave me?” Satoru hastily asked in return.
Silence. Suguru couldn’t answer.
Satoru laughed bitterly. “Suguru, I’m tired of asking for answers that will never come.” Satoru looked at the floor, feeling his throat tighten. “I think…” He sighed. “I think it’s time we leave our history in the past.”
Satoru stood up, ready to leave. He didn’t want to cry. Not again in front of Suguru.
“I was slowing you down.” Suguru mumbled.
Satoru turned around. “What?”
“I was slowing you down, Satoru.” Suguru stood up too, his eyes meeting Satoru’s. “In Monaco, I wasn’t supposed to win Pole 1. You were. You slowed down at the last seconds.”
“No, I didn’t.” Satoru hurried to retort.
“You did. I raced by your side for more than a decade. Satoru, I knew even your heartbeat.” Suguru sounded defeated, his voice wavering.
Satoru roll his eyes. “Even if I did, you could’ve won Pole 1 anyways.”
Suguru sighed, bitterness all over his voice. “No, Satoru I couldn’t.”
Satoru frowned. “Don’t say—”
“Satoru!” Suguru shouted. “You’re Satoru Gojo. You were the number one and even if I trained all my life, I could have never been on the top alone.” His breath grew heavier. “You know…” He dragged his fingers through his hair, frustrated. “I was ready to accept it. Being number 2 if it meant being by your side, but all of the sudden, you decide to sabotage yourself for my sake and I refused to watch you throw everything away.”
Satoru felt a vein in his forehead ready to pop. “Oh, so you decided to just throw away five years of our relationship and marry another one six months later just for my sake too?”
“I didn’t! I didn’t have a choice!” Suguru shouted, his tone and hands shaky. “My parents pressured me to marry someone if I ever wanted their heritance. Everyone don’t have it easy like you. My parents would have disowned me if they knew I was in love with a man.”
“I’m not just any man you found on the road, Suguru!” Satoru yelled. “I was your fucking best friend before everything.”
“And, that’s why I did everything I did!” Suguru sighed loudly, trying to catch his breath. “I made you hide who you were just because of my insecurity, I made you slowdown in what you love the most, how much could I take from you? Satoru, you were too imp—”
“I loved you more than racing, Suguru.” Satoru said, completely defeated. He massaged his eyes, tired of everything. “Do you really think I didn’t know how homophobic your parents were? How your dad was pressing you to win Pole 1 and make everything a competition between us?” Satoru sighed, weariness all over his voice. “I knew it all, that’s why I did my best to make you cheerful. I didn’t care about Pole 1 or Pole 2. I cared about you.”
For a moment, Suguru couldn’t retort and then. “I thought if I could have their inheritance after marrying someone they chose. I would be free to come back to you without restraint.”
Satoru gave a short and pained scoff. “They could have forged their will anyways.”
“I know, I realized I was lying to myself when they kept asking for more, for kids.” Suguru sat back down. “I’m sorry for everything, Satoru.”
Satoru had wished to hear those words over and over again during all these years. But now, it was too much painful, too much hurt had filled the path to hearing them. Satoru was too damn hurt now.
“Yeah, I’m sorry it all come to this but I’m tired, Suguru. I can’t do it anymore.”
Suguru tried to say something, but held himself, too uncertain again.
And Satoru laughed bitterly, the sound tight in his throat, because after all, it was quite the resume of their relationship.
Satoru, who rushed into things without thinking, and Suguru, who hesitated far too often.
The ride to Satoru’s house was silent. His thoughts and heart filled with emptiness for the first time in years.
Days later, Satoru’s house.
Satoru was on the phone with his dad.
His dad was excitedly talking about Yuta’s last race and his infamous kiss with Toge on national television.
Satoru was glad his son found the balls to confess to his friend and live their love in front of everyone now.
“I can’t believe that kid did that in front of everyone. He’s more impulsive than you.” His dad screamed joyfully on the phone.
Satoru laughed as he placed the grocery on the counter, his phone wedged against his shoulder. “I know! I can’t believe he invited Toge at the Singapore Grand Prix just to kiss him in front of everyone like that.”
“I guess he takes after you, huh”
“Dad, please. I was more rational at his age.”
“Who am I talking to? Because I know damn well it’s not the same son who used to flip off journalists and curse at them who’s talking.”
Satoru laughed even louder at those sweet memories. After that, his mom had given up all efforts to give him PR training.
“Anyways son, how are things going? I heard you broke up with your last boyfriend, again.”
Satoru pouted. “What do you mean ‘again’? It just didn’t work out between us.”
Yeah, because you cheated on him the day of your anniversary together. Satoru thought, feeling a pang of regret.
But Satoru couldn’t tell this to his dad. He would kill him on the spot.
“Yeah, it never works out, just like the six or seven boyfriends before him, son.” His dad said, letting out a loud sigh.
Satoru sighed, already bracing for another round of advice about how he needed to grow up and settle down with someone before he was too old.
His dad let out another sigh, seemingly weighing his next words. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, son. Even your mom and I had our rough patch, but we overcame them. I didn’t like how that boy treated you, but your mom is quite fond of him and it’s clear even after all these years, you still like him. So, hear him out, at least.”
Huh? What his dad was talking about?
“Huh? Where’s this coming from, Dad?” But his dad had already hung up, just as the doorbell rang.
What the hell?
Satoru went to open the door, only to find himself face to face with a giant bouquet of chocolate flowers.
Suguru behind the bouquet.
Satoru raised an eyebrow, unsure of what it meant. “Suguru, what the hell?”
“You were right. I’m a piece of shit who only thinks about himself.” Suguru directly said.
Satoru was pretty sure he’d never said any of that.
“You told me that the day I broke up with you.” Suguru added when he saw the confusion on Satoru’s face.
Oh yeah, he had said that, back then.
“What I meant to say is, no matter how much I loved you, I couldn’t help but envy you. It wasn’t about winning Pole 1 or anything like that but more about the support and the infinite love your parents gave you. You had everything I wished for, and I hated myself for thinking like that. I felt like I didn’t deserve you.” Suguru paused, his grip tightening on the bouquet. “I thought if I did everything my parents wanted, I would earn their respect and finally live my life however I wanted. I could come back to you. But I was wrong.”
“Suguru…”
“Please, let me finish. Let me give you the honesty you deserved.” Suguru let out a deep breath, he didn’t know he was holding. “They kept asking more from me and at some point, I couldn’t give it to them. I broke down and came out. My mom cried, and my dad insult me, hell he even tried to beat me up. If it wasn’t for my wife back then, I’m pretty he would have killed me.”
There was silence. Satoru knew how difficult Suguru’s parents were, but he hadn’t expected them to go to that length. He wanted to say something, anything but he let Suguru finish.
“After that, I felt free for the first time in a long time.” Suguru continued. “I cut contact with them and I tried to call you back but I didn’t have the courage. Not after I saw how much I hurt you and your parents. The same people who were here for me and accepted me as I was.”
Suguru cleared his throat, as he handed Satoru the bouquet. “Your dad almost slapped me when he saw me on his porch, but I needed to ask for their forgiveness before asking for yours. Satoru, I’m sorry for how I treated you. I really am. And I don’t think I could ever love anyone else like I loved you.”
Suguru knelt as he uttered the last words.
“Wow” Yuji said, unable to contain his surprise as he and Megumi arrived from school, waiting to enter the house.
Megumi slapped his head when the two adults finally noticed their presence. “Yuji!” He scolded, but it was worth it if it means seeing the great Satoru Gojo embarrassed, his cheeks fully red.
Satoru put his hand on his face, trying to hide his embarrassment. “Please Suguru, get off the ground…”
Suguru smiled, as he got up, letting the kids finally enter the house.
“Don’t worry,” Yuji whispered to Satoru as he passed near him. “We'll pretend we didn't see anything.”
Satoru’s embarrassment worsened when he saw Megumi’s smirk, knowing damn well he would not pretend to have seen nothing.
“Sorry for that, I did try to come when your mom told me they wouldn’t be at home” Suguru trying to reassure him at least a little.
Satoru sighed. “Don’t worry, I guess it’s my karma for messing with Megumi too much.” He glanced at the bouquet of chocolate flowers, still in Suguru’s hand. “So, can I get my bouquet now?”
“Oh!” Suguru laughed and handed him the bouquet. “Here.”
Satoru took one petal of chocolate and taste it. He frowned. “I didn’t know that store make chocolate in this form?”
Suguru smiled, happy that it seemed to please Satoru. “They do not. They were your favorite, right? I called them for days, asking if they could make a bouquet for me.”
Satoru’s mouth formed an “o”, quite surprised, quite pleased. He glanced at Suguru.
His hair was down today, and his hand were in his pocket. He was smiling but there was a nervousness to it.
Satoru glanced down at the bouquet in his hands. Suguru’s words still on his mind. He sighed and gestured with his head toward the house. “You want to come inside?” He asked.
Suguru seemed surprised, not expecting the invitation, he beamed as his smile grew wider.
Satoru put the bouquet in front of his face, hiding his smile. “Don’t look so happy. You’re still not forgiven.” He said with no bite.
Suguru laughed. “I know, I have a long way to go to deserve it.”
Together, they entered the house, smiles so wide on their face, their cheeks would ache for hours later on.
~~~
Months later, Yuta was back home with his now boyfriend, Toge, for Halloween. As he got out of his car—his bag and Toge’s in hand—he sighed, already anticipating what was waiting for him at home.
“Don’t make that face, Yuta. It’s been a long time since you’ve seen your brother and Satoru. I’m sure everything will be alright.” Toge signed, a hint of amusement in his face.
“I know Toge. I’m more worried about Satoru’s new boyfriend. Can you imagine my shock when I heard he was going to marry that guy? Haven’t they been together for like two months?”
Toge held back a laugh at his boyfriend’s near-suffocating state. After all, Yuta had always been overly protective of Satoru.
“I don’t like this, Toge. I don’t want Satoru to be hurt.” Yuta mumbled.
Toge patted his boyfriend on his back, comforting him a little.
“Hey, guys!” Yuji shouted when he saw them, Halloween decorations all over him. “Come inside, we have been waiting for you.”
Toge smiled at Yuji while Yuta let out a heavy sigh, not ready to confront reality.
If the outside of the house was relatively empty of Halloween decorations, the same couldn’t be said for the inside of the house.
It was beautifully decorated, and a delicious baking smell emanating from the kitchen.
Yuta frowned, only Yuji was capable of cooking and baking in this house, but he was pretty sure, it didn’t smell like Yuji’s cooking.
“Yuta!” Satoru yelled when he saw him, hugging him and Toge tightly. “You should have called me when you arrived. I would have picked you two up from the airport.”
Yuta smiled, relaxing a little. “I wanted to surprise you.”
“Aww, that’s my boy, right there.” Satoru hugged him, again, tighter.
Toge rolled his eyes at the exaggerated show of affection, but he smiled wider when he saw who came from the kitchen, a tray of cookies fresh out of the oven in his hands and flour all over him.
“Oh ‘Toru, your other son is here? Just in time, the cookies are ready.” Suguru Geto said, smiling.
Toge hid his laugh.
Yuji grimaced, already knowing Yuta would definitely not like it.
Megumi who had just come downstairs, quickly went back up and covered his ears, ready for what was coming.
And Yuta? He yelled, too shocked. “SUGURU GETO IS YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND?”
Satoru grimaced and smiled awkwardly. “Oh, about that… we were just in Thailand this week, and we signed the paper for marriage. So technically, he’s my husband now” Satoru said, showing off the ring on his left hand.
Suguru mirrored the gesture, a beautiful white ring on his own left hand, not sure why Satoru’s other son seemed to be growing paler by the seconds in horror.
“Happy Halloween, sweetie.” Satoru’s grimace slowly growing while Yuta fainted.
“Yuta!” Everyone shouted.
“So dramatic! I wonder from who he takes that.” Satoru mumbled, his hand on his cheek in a dramatic gesture.