Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

soo hey everyone, this is my first ever fic so ill do my best to  update regularly, but no promises as school might kick my ass this year. also trigger warnings will be in the notes for every chapter but the main ones are: eating disorder. i pretty sure thats all, if i do find more ill make sure to put them into the chapter notes.

enjoy and any suggestions are very much appreciated, just pls dont be too harsh 

Chapter Text

Remus stood in front of the massive university building, looking up at the centuries-old old clocktower. In his hands, he clutched an already crumpled “Welcome to st. Dianas University” poster. he didn't know why he clutched it so hard his knuckles turned white, and his fingernails left deep imprints on the red and gold banner printed across the brochure. Maybe it was because on the other side of it, he had his dorm arrangements and class schedule printed, maybe because it was the only thing really grounding him.

St. Dianas University has been his dream since he was 11, and now he was finally here. finally ready to forget all his past, all of the hell some called “high school”. Finally, he could start fresh. He took a deep breath, his hand instinctively shooting up to his face. His fingertips ran across the scar that sat across his cheek, trying to cover it unconsciously. 

No.

No one would judge him here, he thought to himself, but still pulled the hood of his coat down a little.

Finally, with one final deep breath, he stepped inside the oak doors.

In front of him, he saw a small reception that reminded him more of a desk and some papers scattered across than a hotel reception. There was no one there, so he awkwardly lingered near it to try to catch someone's attention. Soon enough, a woman with bright orange curly hair appeared from a small room nearby. She greeted him as if they were old friends - a warm smile, soft voice, and eyes that shone like the sun. Her nametag read 'Molly'.

“Hi, dear! Are you new here? Oh, you just moved in, haven't you?” she asked him cheerfully, typing something into her computer. Remus's heart warmed at the kind words. The woman reminded him of someone's grandma. The one who baked pies and told bedtime stories

“Oh uh, actually I haven't moved in yet..” he corrected her, smiling. Oh, her smile was so contagious… “I was actually wondering where the B building was. I believe my dorm is there?” he passed her the wrinkled paper he'd been holding the whole time. It said 'building B, room 313'

“You're right, darlin', it is.. Just give me a moment” she muttered, putting on the glasses that hung around her neck previously and shuffling through the endless papers and brochures on the desk. finally, she picked one out from the pile and handed it to Remus.

“Here, this is the map of the campus. we're here right now,” she pointed to the big building captioned 'the main hall', "and building B is all the way over… here..” Her finger drifted along the map and stopped at the rectangle captioned 'B'.

Remus followed her finger with his gaze, nodding slowly. The campus seemed huge from the map, and that didn't exactly help his already panicked state. Molly noticed his concern and gave him a warm, reassuring smile.

“Don't worry about it all yet, once you meet prof. McGonnagal for orientation, everything will make sense. she'll show you around, tell you where your classes are.. y`know, orientation stuff.” She finally shrugged and patted his hand gently.

Remus thanked her and grabbed the map. His car was parked nearby, but he decided to first check out the building on foot before bringing in his other stuff. As he walked, he couldn't help but admire the beauty of the campus. Trees were scattered everywhere, soft lawns filled with students reading, chatting with their friends, or napping - preparing for the semester ahead. Remus's gaze ran along the grass until it stopped abruptly. actually, too abruptly to just be a simple coincidence.

He noticed a boy around his age sitting on the grass, his head tilted back as he laughed at something one of his mates had said. He had long, wavy hair braided loosely into a braid that looked seconds from falling apart and a pencil behind his ear. Remus almost froze. That man was everything Remus's type was - the leather jacket, the scuffed up Doc Martens, the black baggy jeans. He bit his lip and forced himself to look away. It'd be impolite to stare at strangers, right? But just as he was turning the corner into a small alley, away from the main square, he looked back. And just for a brief, tiny moment, their eyes locked.

Remus nearly choked on air, but just a second later, everything was normal again. The boy was laughing, his friends saying something to him, and Remus was as unnoticed as ever. 

It was, probably, his scars.

Of course it was, it always was. People stared at him, kids pointed and teenagers laughed and whispered, he was used to it. That was probably the case with the mysterious boy as well. But for some ridiculous reason, Remus hoped it wasn't. 

The rest of the walk was spent overthinking and worrying, but as much as Remus did want to continue spiraling, he soon reached the building with a small golden plaque reading 'BERNARD DORMITORY'. He figured it would be building B and walked in. The pleasant smell of vanilla and wood hit him immediately. Remus walked up to the reception and passed the boy behind the stand his paper.

“Hi. I'm supposed to be in dorm 313?”

“I see...” the blonde boy nodded, typing something into his computer. “Oh actually, there has been a slight change, and so far you appear to not have a roommate.”

He smiled apologetically. “They cancelled pretty last minute, sorry for not letting you know sooner.”

Remus just nodded, trying to ignore the way the receptionist's eyes looked at him. At his face, his scars, his hair, his clothes, his- his everything. God, how he hated to be so hyper aware of everyone's eyes. he just did his best to ignore the haunting, prying feeling.

“Ah, really? Well, there's not much I can do, is there?” he gave him a polite smile, and the receptionist nodded in agreement.

“Guess there isn't. Well, anyway, your room is on the third floor and right down the hall. if you need help with anything, just ask me!” he gave Remus one last friendly grin.

Remus walked up the stairs until he got to the very top floor. There were people there already, chatting, laughing, and moving in. He carefully maneuvered through the groups of students until the very end of the hall. There it was.

dorm 313.

He slid the key he was given earlier into the lock and twisted, opening the door. It creaked softly, revealing to Remus his home for the next 10 months.

It wasn't a big room, no, not at all. Two beds, two desks, two chairs, two closets, although Remus knew he'd need only one of each. He walked to the window, opening it and letting the stuffy dorm air get out. The room slowly filled with the busy sound of the city below him. The cars, shouts of kids, soft birdsong. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes.

Inhale..

He was going to be okay.

Exhale…

He was going to be just fine.

Inhale…

Suddenly, he was rudely interrupted by the sound of someone knocking on the doorframe. Remus turned, only now noticing that he had forgotten to close the door. He nearly jumped out the window when, leaning in the doorframe, he saw none other than the black-haired boy from earlier.

“Hello?” Remus finally composed himself, smiling politely at the man in the doorframe. He frantically tried to straighten his a few sizes too big sweater and fix his messy curls, but it didn't seem to help, earning an amused laugh from the other guy.

“Hey. I'm Sirius.” he grinned, looking Remus up and down. “You moved in yet?”

“Uhhh, no. no, I just got the keys.” Remus chuckled, pointing to the keys that were still stuck in the lock. “Remus, by the way. my name's Remus.”

“Remus..” Sirius thoughtfully repeated his name in a way that made Remus's insides twist slightly. “Well, it's so great to meet you, Remus! Mind if James and I help you move in? We're bored anyway.” Sirius flashed Remus a grin that said 'you're not getting out of this' even before Remus could protest. So, Remus just accepted his fate.

“Sure.”

“JAMES. Get yo ass in here and quit trying to shag my brother!” Sirius yelled down the hall. Remus almost burst out laughing at that sentence. The black haired boy noticed and winked at him, before being tackled by a figure in a dark red hoodie.

“I wasn't shagging anyone, Sirius!”

The two boys wrestled for a moment longer before getting up.

“Remus, this is my best friend and soulmate, James. James, this is Remus, our new neighbour!” Sirius introduced them, and Remus gave James a polite smile. The boy shone like the sun, his tanned skin and brown mop of hair on his head practically radiating warmth and glow, and Remus liked that. 

“Soo uh, you got your bag downstairs or..?” Sirius's voice broke him out of his thoughts.

“Oh, right. I left my stuff in my car, let's go get it.” He smiled, and the three boys left the dorm.

The curtain fluttered in the still open window, and life beneath it buzzed as always.

Chapter Text

Remus had always liked libraries. They were quiet, calm, and cozy. The library on campus, though, was something entirely different. It was beautiful, truly magnificent. The bookshelves stretched along the walls, reaching up to the painted ceilings. The chandeliers cast warm light all around the huge library, and small lamps all around offered some much-needed additional light during those particular dark, winter evenings. And somehow it always smelled like warmth, chocolate, and the fireplace. Remus was curled up in one of the beanbags hidden in the depths of the bookshelves, reading one of the books he found nearby and sipping his warm tea. 

Suddenly, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He glanced at the page number, remembering it before reaching for his phone in his pocket. There was one notification on the homescreen.

*one message from: Babyyy*

Remus smiled as he opened the message. It has been a while since he called his (now long-distance) boyfriend Brad, but he was glad for the text at least. As he opened the chat, he froze.

Babyyy: hey, i have to tell you something.

Babyyy: i think we should break up.

Babyyy: long distance wont work and i want some freedom iykwim.

Babyyy: srry

Remus must've reread the messages at least a hundred times, hoping for something, anything, to tell him that it was a joke. To tell him that his 3-year relationship didn't just end over text. Over text! He was broken up with over text, like a coward!

He bit his lip, trying to blink away the burning feeling in his eyes, trying (and failing) to stop the tears from falling. But no matter how hard Remus tried not to let himself cry, the tears spilled out. The phone fell out of his hands, clattering on the ground, but Remus didn't even notice.

over text.

over text!

Brad didn't even bother to call!

and finally the first sob broke out from his chest. He pressed a sleeve over his mouth to muffle the embarrassing sounds. The book he was reading was now long forgotten in his lap as he sobbed into his palm. His shoulders shook and his hands trembled.

yes, he knew how weird and ridiculous he must’ve looked from the side but he couldn't even bring himself to get up and go hide in the bathroom.

—

Sirius has never been a huge fan of libraries, but he needed to borrow books for his art course, so there he was, standing on a ladder and trying to reach the top shelf and failing miserably. After 10 solid minutes of balancing on his tippy toes and grumbling curses under his breath, he finally reluctantly decided to give up. He descended the ladder to go find someone taller to reach the books for him.

as he wandered through the bookshelves, looking for anyone who could help him, he walked deeper and deeper into the library. out of nowhere, he heard the faintest sound of someone.. crying? The sound was coming from one of the half-closed off study rooms. 

Sirius followed the sobs, as they got louder and louder, when finally he stopped. in front of him in the bean bag, he saw a boy curled up in one of those grandpa sweaters that he immediately recognized. The sight of the messy golden curls only confirmed his suspicion. It was Remus.

he was still oblivious to Sirius's presence, crying and trying to muffle his own sobs. Sirius's heart broke a little at the sight. The once shy but calm Remus was gone, now reduced to a sobbing, broken mess. He knelt next to the bean bag, carefully placing his hand on Remus's back, which caused him to flinch and sit up.

“o- oh hi..” he muttered, sniffling and trying to wipe the tears away. “What.. What are you doing h- here?" Remus asked quietly, not looking up at Sirius. he was too embarrassed to look the other boy in the eyes.

“Hey there.. What happened? I heard you crying- are you okay?” Sirius spoke softly and calmly, gently rubbing Remus's back.

Remus opened his mouth to reply, but couldn't even get a single word out before practically collapsing back down with sobs. Sirius didn't press further, just sat next to him and comforted him silently.

10 minutes passed, and Remus finally managed to calm down a little bit. He wiped the remaining tears away from his cheeks and sat up, fixing his clothes and hair. Finally, he looked at Sirius.

“Sorry you had to see me like this.. I'm a mess, I know.” he sighed, apologizing to Sirius, who still had his hand on Remus's lower back. The simple touch seemed to really help for some reason, and Remus was grateful for it.

“No, it's really not a big deal, don't even try to apologise!” Sirius immediately cut him off. “That's what friends do anyway, right?”

Remus glanced away for a moment and was met with that kind, playful, and mischievous Sirius black grin. He couldn't help but smile back weakly.

“Yeah. friends.” he nodded.

“so.. you okay now? What even happened in the first place?” Sirius asked, and quickly added, “if you don't mind telling me, of course.”

“Yeah, it's okay. it's just.. My boyfriend of three years broke up with me. over text. and with no explanation..” he winced at his own words silently, the wound was still fresh.

Sirius nodded, rubbing his back gently.

“oh that sucks mate.. You didn't deserve that, y`know,” he sighed. “wanna talk about it?”

Remus just shook his head. He just wanted to forget about it for now. Sirius just nodded understandingly, standing up and offering Remus his hand.

“Cmon, I need someone tall to reach the top shelf for me, and you seem exactly like the guy I need.” He gave Remus one of his usual grins, and Remus smiled back weakly, taking his hand. He was glad for any kind of distraction.

—

Later that day, Remus joined Sirius, James, and another guy, Peter, at their table in the dining hall. He was already feeling better, and chatting with Sirius really seemed to help. The conversation flowed easily and naturally as if they had already known each other for years. 

“So, are you gonna sign up for any clubs?” James asked, piling more chicken onto his plate. “I was thinking ‘bout trying out for the volleyball team.”

Remus hadn't really thought about clubs much. Sure, he read the brochures that they were practically held at gunpoint to get, but nothing really caught his eye. Well, except for the drama club.

“I was actually thinking about doing the drama club... I heard they're doing Romeo and Juliet this year.” he said thoughtfully, picking out only the courgettes from the vegetable saute. He really only liked them rather than the whole mix. At his words, Sirius perked up.

“Really? Me too! I'm assuming you're going for Romeo too?” he grinned. His plate was still empty, but Remus didn't pay it much mind. The group sat down at one of the tables near the huge windows that surrounded the dining hall.

“Yeah, who wouldn't? But honestly, I will settle for anything.” Remus smiled at the black haired boy now sitting across from him, and he smiled back.

“Auditions are on Wednesday, aren't they?” Peter spoke up. Remus didn't really know him that well, but so far, he seemed like a nice guy and he was only happy for more friends.

Friends.

“Yep. That's tomorrow, so I guess I'll spend the rest of today learning the fuckung monologue.” Sirius joked, sipping his drink.

Remus agreed; the previous tension from the incident with Brad was already barely noticeable. Now he just wanted to enjoy his dinner with his new friends.

His friends.

“You know, Sirius, you could try out Juliette," James spoke up after a while, grinning. “Lily said that she didn't mind who played what gender. Plus, with your hair? I think you'd pull it off pretty well.”

At that, Sirius looked up from his phone, his eyebrows raised.

“Wait- who's Lily?” Remus asked before Sirius could open his mouth to reply to James.

“She's the director this year! She's actually really nice, I think you’ll get along." Peter explained, and Remus gave him a grateful smile. Sirius was already too busy staring down James.

“Juliete? Really?”

“Yeah mate, you’d kill it!” he snorted.

“I mean.. my hair does look good..” Sirius seemed to actually consider it for a moment, and Remus had to agree, his hair did look good.

“I think you should go for it, honestly. Worst case, you don't get it, best case? You’ll be Juliet!” he grinned at Sirius.

“Okay, okay, ill try it.” Sirius finally agreed and winked at Remus. “Then you can be my Romeo...” he made kissing noises. Remus rolled his eyes and tossed a napkin at him, but his ears were a shade redder than usually.