Archive of Our Own ^beta

It's been a rough motherfucking night. In a row of rough motherfucking weeks. Jason is tired.

It's been one thing after another all night. First, he got lectured by the Bat, and then some punks decided to test their luck and rob the local homeless shelter. Who even does that!? They give things away for free! Jason took them down with extra prejudice. After that, the snow started. From there, the night was a race for Jason; he had to try and get all the street kids to shelter so they wouldn't freeze, and help some of the locals stock up on last-minute emergency gear and food.

Just as he was finishing his rounds of patrol and checking in with his lieutenants, he heard a muffled clang of metal and a squeal.

Jason sincerely hopes it's not what he thinks it is. But once again, the universe can do him no small favors, and he crashes into the middle of an underground kennel. The clanging was the sound of starving dogs on chains, the squeals that of abused dogs. It's a dog-fighting ring. Jason has no time to be disgusted by the depths humanity will sink to. Instead, he rushes the guard, tackling him to the ground before throwing a savage punch. With the first guard knocked out, he turns and rolls, dodging the bites of some type of modified taser gun. He rises and uses the momentum to launch a powerful kick at his attacker. He would love to just shoot these scumbags, but he doesn't want to scare the dogs any further.

The fight continues with another three henchmen from the next room over. Jason swiftly knocks each of them out and ties them up. Suddenly, he finds himself in front of 10 half-feral dogs of various breeds. There's a sick feeling in his gut as he sees the poor, hurt animals. He wishes that Roy were with him more than anything right then; he needs that grounding presence to clear his frazzled mind. Unfortunately, beggars can't be choosers, and Jason's always been a street rat. In lieu of Roy, he takes a fortifying breath then gets back to work. A call to the GCPD is placed, as well as to the animal control center. These dogs can't be placed in a shelter or pound immediately based on their temperament, but Jason will check in and get them sent to proper no-kill shelters as soon as possible.

He looks back down at the cages once more as he readies himself to leave. He spots a small pitbull in one of the corner cages. The puppy looks no more than a few months old. Before he can even second guess himself, Jason is approaching the pup and unlocking the cage. The dog growls the entire time he works on the latch, but once the door swings open, the puppy cowers in the corner. Jason sits back on his haunches and attempts to be as non-threatening as possible. After a few moments, the puppy steps forward on shaky legs, sniffing at Jason in curiosity. Jason reaches his hand out for a better sniff. It was not received well, and the puppy takes a good chomp at the vigilante's arm, the only thing stopping him from drawing blood is the kevlar lining the Red Hood's iconic leather jacket. After a few more attempted maulings, Jason gets the puppy comfortable enough with him that it allows him to hold him close for warmth. He can’t tell if the shaking is coming from the shivering dog in his arms or himself. Jason ends up cuddling the pitbull pup for 30 minutes while he awaits the police.

— — — — — —

Climbing recklessly through the window to the apartment, Jason immediately began sloughing off all of his cold, wet gear. He was shivering terribly, which was made worse when he toed off his boot, lost his balance, and immediately landed his sock in the puddle of slush left behind. My foot is wet. My foot is wet. My foot is wet. The feeling made Jason exhale in a rush, and his muscles locked up. His body refused to take in air, and he began shaking violently; a green tinge settled over the world.

"Hey, Jaybird. I need you to take a deep breath for me. Think you can do that?" Roy says, voice calm but commanding, from a few feet away. His hands are raised like he's trying to calm a scared animal. Jason can understand it; he feels untethered and animalistic in that moment. His eyes are glowing green, and his heartbeat is accelerating to the point that he feels like he could turn feral at any moment. He's not sure why something as inane as a wet sock is causing this much panic agitation, but with the type of night he's had so far, this is liable to push him right over the edge. He's not certain whether to punch something or cry out of pure frustration.

Instead, Jason closes his eyes and takes a deep breath as instructed. Under normal circumstances, he would be skeptical of listening to his somewhat impulsive boyfriend, but when he's using that calm, insistent voice, Jason is helpless to let Roy take the reins and handle him. He's free to let go of the tight grip he constantly has on his control and let Roy take over.

He can still feel the cold, wet fabric rubbing against the ball of his foot (my foot is fucking wet!), so he diligently takes another. He can sense Roy moving around behind him, picking up all of his gear and setting it in the hall closet to be dealt with later. He keeps his eyes closed and tries to focus on bringing himself back down.

“How are we doing, big guy?” Roy calls from down the hall, his voice moving closer.

“My foot is wet,” Jason ground out.

"Ok. We can handle that, can't we? Just take another couple of breaths, big guy. Everything'll be okay, you just gotta calm down first, alright," Roy soothed from his resumed position in front of his partner. Jason breathes deeply once more before opening his eyes to see the red-headed archer smile softly at him.

"There you are. Don't you feel better already?"

"If this sock doesn't come off in the next 15 seconds, I'm gonna lose it," hardly more than a hoarse whisper, Jason stared deeply into Roy's eyes, trying to convey the depth of his sincerity. He couldn't have explained the way he was paralyzed with a whirlwind of pure anger and some other sorrow-tinged emotion, even if asked. He loved that Roy didn't ask.

"Well, I think we can handle that situation pretty easily, Jaybird." Roy pulled Jason a few steps away from the puddle he initially stepped in and crouched down to remove the offending article. He gingerly peeled the wet sock from Jason's foot before moving on to pulling his boyfriend's other boot and sock off. "See there, Jaybird, all better."

The Archer stood once more, grabbing Jason's hands on his way up. He continued smiling softly at the younger man, trying to gauge his feelings. He could see that Jason was struggling visibly with some combination of pissed off sadness, but some of the tension had lessened now that Roy was touching him. Roy had no idea what caused this much stress in his boyfriend to begin with, but he knew from experience that it was better to wait Jay out instead of pushing. Jason would make his feelings known in time.

"Roy," Jason rasped out, his voice sounding gravelly from the swirl of heightened emotion. "Roy, I-"

Roy's eyebrows furrowed in concern. He squeezed Jason's hands in reassurance. "Hey, Jaybird. What's goin' on?"

"Roy," Jason's voice cracked on the syllable. He shook his head furiously, like he was trying to get rid of whatever was stopping his words, before leaning down and pushing a desperate kiss to his boyfriend's lips. He wanted to show Roy how much he loved him, how desperately he loved him, even when he couldn't get the words out. Even in fits of frustration, and anger, and rage. Even when Jason was too confused to know what he was feeling Roy was there to ground him. He thought of those dogs made to fight: hurt, scared, and alone. Roy saved him from a similar fate, even if he didn't know it. Roy could never know how much Jason needed him, but he tried to tell him in this kiss.

Roy could feel Jason's desperation in the way he tried to mold their bodies together. The kiss was passionate and aggressive, just like his Jaybird, but far from coordinated. Jason's hands were roaming and grasping at Roy's body with abandon. His tongue licking and teeth nipping at Roy's lower lip fervently. Little gasps and whines escaped as he confessed his love in the best way he knew how. Roy was helpless to do anything but reciprocate in kind, trying to show just how much he loved Jason in return.

After a while, they broke apart, chests heaving from breathlessness. Roy took Jason's face in his hands and stared into his eyes. The gaze penetrated all of Jason's walls and left him open and vulnerable to Roy. Jason had no idea what his partner saw as he stared into the depths of his soul; he could only imagine the carnage and suffering he saw left in Jason's wake. All his past indiscretions revealed. But instead of turning away from him in disgust like Jason always feared he would, Roy grinned that megawatt grin of his, that Jason wanted to bottle up and keep forever, before kissing Jason again.

This kiss was less rushed. It was soft, tender in ways only Roy could bring out of Jason. It had that same grounding effect that Roy's voice and touch had. Everything about the red-headed man was a soothing balm to Jason's fragmented, jagged soul.

Jason was in a daze when they broke apart again, so he leveled no protest when Roy gently led him to the bathroom. "You need a shower to warm you back up from patrol, Jaybird. You're shivering. While you do that, I'll go reheat some of yesterday's soup, yeah?"

"No. Stay," Jason said, tugging on Roy's hand.

"Not tonight, Jaybird. You've gotta get warm, and I need to get food started."

"I'll get warm faster if you're with me. Plus, you don't need to babysit the soup the whole time. Turn it on and come back. Please?"

Roy pressed a quick kiss to Jason's cheek before letting go of his hand and backing up to the doorway. "Not tonight, Jaybird," he replied softly.

Roy wasn’t sure what was causing this level of desperation in his normally composed boyfriend, but he was sure that sex wouldn’t solve the issue, as much as he loved having Jason under him, moaning sweetly. "You barely like me being in the kitchen on good days, and today's been stressful enough without me burning down the apartment." The smirk that accompanied that last remark caused Jason to glare.

"But don't worry, you'll only have to miss my glowing personality for a few minutes, and then we can snuggle up on the couch with good soup while we watch shitty Hallmark Christmas Movies."

— — — — — —

They were about halfway through their first small-town Christmas rom-com when Roy remembered he hadn't asked Jason about what happened on patrol. He continued gently carding his fingers through his Jaybird's curls, where the younger man was settled on his chest. Jason had been clingy all night, and Roy was happy to oblige his partner. Jason so rarely sought out physical affection even though he craved it, and the older man couldn't be prouder that they had come far enough to cuddle on the couch like this so casually. He was loath to ruin it with questions, but emotional repression could not be the standard in this household. (Dinah would kill him if he let that happen, though Roy himself wasn't fully opposed to the idea)

The male lead's class of first graders had just tricked the rich, Christmas-hating female lead into being a chaperone for the winter field trip in the movie when Roy finally willed himself to ask. "Rough patrol tonight?"

Jason blinked his heavy eyes a few times before he stirred under Roy. "Hmm?" He took a few seconds to process, then answered, "Uh, yeah. It was just a busy night with the storm an' all. Then at the end…" he trailed off for a moment. Roy nudged him after a while to prompt him to continue.

"Well… it got rough at the end. Had to break up a dog-fighting ring. Nasty business... And those poor dogs. They were half-starved and so cold. One of them was just barely more than a puppy. It was a-a cute little pitbull, had a mean bite on it. Good thing I had my armor on or I'd be missin' a chunk," Jason said with a dry laugh. "He was so cold, I just had to try and warm him up. I was holding him for 20 or 30 minutes while the cops and animal control showed up. I don't know why it got me so bad. I was helping out the street kids all night, ‘nd I was fine. But that dog just- I guess it just reminded me of how I was when I was on the streets. Cold, alone, and fightin' to survive. It sucks," Jason finished with a sniffle. He was trembling lightly in Roy's arms again.

"Jesus, Jay. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that alone. You know you could've called me if you needed backup," Roy squeezed Jason even tighter.

"Yeah, but it's your night off, and last week you didn't get one cuz you had to cover Dickwing. I didn't wanna bother you. Which I guess, looking back, was a lost cause since I've derailed your whole night."

"Jason. Literally shut up. We're partners for chrissakes! As in, we're here for each other through thick and thin. I would've come and helped out for much less. You don't have to fight alone anymore, Jaybird. And you're not derailing anything. I love you, and I'm here for you. There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

Jason sends a small smile up at Roy before tucking his head back under Roy's chin and whispering a quick I love you too. He can feel Roy's heart beating under his chest and the vibrations as Roy hums along to the movie soundtrack, and he's content.