Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

1st try to . . . .

Ryoga has trained hard for months. In particular,
'his' special technique the Bakusai Tenketsu.

He has it! He sees all the Ley Lines! He wants to
try it out immediately.

Ryoga shouts, "Bakusai Tenketsu!!!"

With that, he concentrates all his senses on that
network of Ley Lines. He pushes the focal point on
the ground as well some of his Ki to use those
lines to supercharge his attack . . . . A deep gap
appears . . . deeper and deeper it reaches . . . .
Ryoga looks down and notices that the gap is still
expanding and going deeper and deeper.

Now he sees a reddish glimmer. Only a single word
escapes Ryoga lips . . . .

"Oops!"

Where upon his hand goes behind the head and rubs it
in embarrassment.

All over the world, the needles of the earthquake
scanners swerve to the max of their Richter scale
. . . 30.

The last thoughts of Ryoga were, 'Hmm, how could I be
so stupid and let me be distracted by Ranma? Even if
in mind only . . . . To confuse the Ley Lines with the
Fault Lines . . . he must have used Shampoo's potion or
something like that . . . . DAMN YOU RANMA I WILL KICK
YOU . . . .'

And then the Earth EXPLODED!!!

End

Chapter Text

2nd try to . . . .

o0o0o Tokyo, Nerima, Tendo Dojo o0o0o

Birds sing their songs of old and crickets chirp along. Kasumi is in her kitchen cooking. A koi in the pond jumps a foot out of it and dips down again to swim around some more.

Ranma sits before the pond but doesn't see and hear what is around him. Not even the koi that jumped in and out of the pond. Ranma sits there, thinking about his life 'til now. Thinking the whole day, how to get out of the mess that he is in. He also thinks of other ways to train to handle the cat-fist, which he failed to control for months. Those little trips to the pet-shops that resulted in screaming shopkeepers. Those meditations at different shrines and Dojos, to achieve a calm mind in any situation, as well as to sync with the soul of the cat-fist. I.e., like some cats popping up by the wood walk and then keeping his center. Moreover, not to forget those entire dates with his fiancées to the zoos and meeting his friends who own a cat at home. "What else can I try?" He thought so much that smoke appears out of his ear. Then he zones out, 'til a shout comes from above.

"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIREEEEEEEEEN!!!!!"

Shampoo sits on her delivery-bike that currently buries Ranma under the wheel. Crumpled like a squished Coke-can. Shampoo holds her delivery box to Ranma's face. She opens the box so that Ranma can see and smell what's inside of it.

As Ranma smells that wonderful meal prepared by Shampoo, he instantly recovers. "Thanks Shampoo! This will hit the spot after eating that 'food' prepared by Akane," says Ranma 'til he digs in with gusto into the pork-ramen. Shuddering when he thought what would have happened if he hadn't managed to dump most of Akane's food in the trashcan.

"Kitchen destroyer . . . buried . . . rats . . . jelly . . . Kodachi," grumbles Shampoo under her breath.

Ranma looks up from his ramen. "What was that?"

Shampoo grins 'til she shone like the sunshine, "Shampoo said nothing . . . only thought how Airen looks so cute." Shampoo only gets bubblier when seeing Ranma's happy-go-lucky expression. "In fact, so cute that Shampoo wants to kiss Airen right now!"

Saying and acting upon it, Shampoo glomps Ranma in a powerful hug, ignoring the warm soup that runs down her clothing soaking it 'til one can see her hardened nipples. She kisses Ranma, while he windmills with his arms.

Then out of nowhere, the both of them are hit with cold water.

"Jerk!!! What do you think you're doing with one of your hussies!?! Kissing one of them right in front of me! AaaaAAAAAARGHH!!"

The Ki-aura from Akane generates heat that transforms Shampoo and Ranma back from the cold water that Akane had thrown at them.

One must be blind to miss the humanoid volcano Akane, or frozen from fear like Ranma is. Shampoo, after being clothed again, lets go of Ranma.

"Shampoo goes delivering some more . . . . Bye Aiiiiren!"

Moreover, away she is. Ranma, still frozen, thinks currently for other solutions of how to get away from Akane. He remembers right then, the training for the cat-fist he had done all months, 'til a powerful blow from Akane's Ki-enhanced hammer of doom hits him.

"JEEEEEEERK!!! And don't think you can cheat on me any more!" Akane turns away from Ranma and goes back inside. Before she reaches the door, she feels goose bumps, as she had never before . . . . From above she only hears.

"It's Faaaaaate." And further away he flies past the old man known as Cherry.

Meanwhile, Ranma flew to the pond, he again embraces the cat, as he had done so many times to overcome the fear of cats, 'til he manages for the first time going cat by his will alone and getting the agility to avoid being splattered against the pond-stones. The short, recent memory from one minute ago, of Shampoo as a cat helped him to make himself go cat. Avoiding being splattered against the pond-stones, he managed. Preventing of hitting those by his head, he did not . . . .

Akane can only watch helplessly as Ranma hits with his head the same spot that 'was responsible' for Ranma's personality change.

Akane asks herself, "Why did Ranma go cat? The time Shampoo was a cat was too short to let him go cat."

Then she hears something break and Ranma scream 'RRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOAUUUW!'

The birds stop singing the crickets stop chirping, in fact, all stands still after that meow unlike any other dying meows or other cat meowed . . . an unknown meow. That an aura flew with the sound of the soul-wrenching meow had to do something with that effect of that twisted, goose bumps-creating meow . . . no, no mere meow, more like a roaring of a predator short of catching his prey. That the sound got around the world because there coincidently was a film-crew preparing a city-animal-live-documentary. Purely coincidental.

Now, all unfroze. All the Tendo inhabitants run out to where the unearthly cat scream came from. However, the animals, especially the birds and crickets, are curiously absent. Unlike them, the fish cowers in the pond's deepest end in terror.

A discovery is thereby made . . . . Ranma Saotome of the Anything Goes school of Martial Arts is no more with the living . . . . His body lies next to the stone that cracked his head. His now vacant eyes display as does the rest of his face, an angry, mad, and vengeance filled expression.

Genma and Soun wail that the schools won't be united. Nabiki thinks that even if Ranma isn't in Hell, she would send him there, because he escaped her moneymaking schemes. Kasumi 'Oh my-ed' without end, and Akane . . . .

And Akane said sheepishly, "Oops!"

Sending the hammer she held 'til now in her hand backward over her head, to eliminate the evidence . . . . The hammer slamming into Sasuke who currently sat in the Tendo tree.

They all went on living as best as they could. Everybody coped their own way with their sudden loss of a certain Saotome Ranma.

o0o0o Earth o0o0o

All pure coincidence, that there occur mysterious deaths all over the world. All that remained of the victims were blood, meat and bones that looked like the body had gone through a meat-grinder . . . .

o0o0o Tokyo, Nerima, Shiratory's Residence o0o0o

In the house of Azusa Shiratory, where one of the group responsible for the many, mysterious deaths resides.

Its only thoughts, "Death, revenge, and leave me all alone . . . . Die, die DIE!!!" In the meantime, it followed Azusa's movements with its eyes, until the right moment.

Azusa is very confused, "Leon, Azusa very confused why you have so big red eyes and so many glowing claws?"

The only thing Azusa heard at her end was, "RRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOAUUUW!" The same unearthly meow, that Ranma gave out when he died . . . .

o0o0o Earth o0o0o

All over the Earth, the same unearthly meow was heard as it echoed through the night. Each of the cats that heard that meow that day when Ranma died, including each cat that heard it from the city-animal-live-documentary had undergone a little metamorphose in their brains, and got a piece of Ranma's soul through his dead-scream, while he was filled with rage at his constant tormentors. Therefore, those cats inherited the cat-fist's soul of Ranma . . . The BERSERKER!!! Then they carried out his fury on his tormentors.

Why Genma's death was prolonged for days, and his remains put in the same trashcan where Akane's food ended up. Is for you to guess . . . .

END

Chapter Text

3rd try to . . . .

o0o0o China, Quinghai Province, Bayankala Mountain Range o0o0o

Taro is again back to Jusenkyo.

We hear him mumble slightly insanely "Never will I be named Pantyhose Taro . . . never ever. Hmmhahha. I will beat Ranma and get my name changed by Happosai."

Slowly he reaches the ponds of Jusenkyo. He feels the wind how it caress his skin like a mother snuggle her hand on the cheek of a baby to caress it and guard it at the same time against the harsh world. Nearer and nearer Taro comes to his destination of the pond he wants . . . . Finally, the pond that completes his cursed form to beat Ranma Saotome. From the 'drowned guinea pig of a mad scientist' to 'drowned insanely fanatic Moron-Otaku' to his wanted

drowned pond. The 'drowned panther pond'. With that he can scare the hell out of Ranma and at the same time become the hunter he is. He bows down in his cursed form to dip his fingers into the pond but stops when a little gust appears and Taro hears a woody creaking sound. He turns to it and slips on the muddy ground with his hoofs.

He only says "Mooou!" [Translation: Oops!]

The few seconds he has until he is completely under the pond-water he see that the pond-sign has through the wind turned 180° were before on the other side was written 'drowned panther pond' no there stands 'drowned crazy impotent' . . . the rest is smudged.

The last thought, before he went completely under the pond were "Suppose it went crazy because it was impotent?"

The guide came because of the commotion out of his old hut he only looked up . . . then he got a heart attack and fell dead on the ground.

o0o0o Tokyo, Nerima, Tendo Dojo o0o0o

A few days later in Japan, we hear in the Tendo Dojo from the radio of a monster rampage in China. The Tendos and Saotomes as well Happosai sat at breakfast.

"Wonderful meal as always Kasumi" compliments Ranma.

Then the ground quakes and gains in strength more and more. All look to the soup-pot were in-between they see one drop in it jumps up and down because of the quake. Now they see a shadow looming over the entire house.

o0o0o Tokyo, Nerima, Near to the shadow o0o0o

We see two Japanese and one Gaijin with a Boom box and some CDs in his right hand. The Gaijin search his backpack for something. "Oh man, I should have bought the batteries at the petrol station. Now I only can hear one hour of good music."

The very loud thumping sound let the group of three see in the direction of it. The first Japanese point at it and says, "Looks its Gojira!"

The second Japanese says, "No it's Godzilla! But why did it paint itself pink?"

The Gaijin screams like a little girl "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it's the feared Barney! Run for your life!!!"

Too late one big foot stomps down before them and the big head of the Pseudo-Barney comes down from high.

Suddenly the Gaijin searched quite hurriedly through his CDs until he fond the right one "Ah haaaaa." He holds then the CD in the air like Link when he found something important.

Then he hears a very loud tone "GROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAHH!!"

Quite suddenly, he is again quite the fumbler. He manages to put the CD in the Boom box choose the right track and turn the volume up to the Max . . . . Now we hear the Macarena . . . . The other two Japanese looks at him dumbly 'til they hear loud thumps and the look to the Pseudo-Barney. Their jaws drops and see in wonder how a monster that big dance the Macarena.

"I knew it, I knew it! The Macarena is its weakness" proudly exclaims the Gaijin.

The music begins to lall until it stops.

The Gaijin with a grave voice "A pity I didn't buy the batteries 5 minutes ago."

A foot comes from the now angry Pseudo-Barney and traps the tree persons between its toes. Afterwards it bit off their heads with a hearty CRUNCH.

o0o0o Tokyo, Nerima, Tendo Dojo o0o0o

Back in the Tendo yard, we see the Tendos, Saotomes, and Happosai with a newly acquired bag of unmentionables. That is until the bag of unmentionables became ash not to mention of the other people beside Ranma and Happosai, who were on the way to avenge the fallen/unmentionables . . . . The Pseudo-Barney opens his big muzzle and let go again another fireball.

Before that fireball fries both Ranma and Happosai quite thoroughly the only thought they can manage is "Holy shit!"

Immediately the Pseudo-Barney can only manage one clear thought "Happosai can't give me another name anymore . . . ! . . . Oops! I fried him accidentally quite good. HahahhaaahahahhHAHAHHAHAHHA!"

Now to see what happened next, imagine Filia from Slayers where she rampaged as Dragon and let loose her fireballs. Now multiply that by 20 and you can imagine quite fine what damage the Pseudo-Barney let loose on poor Tokyo . . . .

End

Chapter Text

4th try to . . . .

o0o0o China, Quinghai Province, Bayankala Mountain Range o0o0o

The matriarch and the prince stand opposed with grim features to another.

Cologne with a stony expression. "We have done all preparation that we can. So let's move fast, so we can prevent it."

Herb only nods his head at the little army of the very best warriors of both Musk and Amazons are on their way to Phoenix Mountain. They have trained very hard for that moment. In fact, the matriarch and the prince have searched in their old history documents for any technique and any fighting style that could help them in this fight to stop the ruler of that mountain of his ascension. As well to stop him of becoming the dictator that he promised to be on his ascension day.

Already the little army passed Jusenkyo and reached the main entrance. Four well placed hits from Lime and the entrance falls inside with a heavy thud. In addition, there is the first welcome-committee to greet them.

Both armies meet another in the first battle with many screams. "AAAARGH, IIIIAAAAAH, IjaJajaJajaJajaJaja!"

All battles stops and all look at the Musk Creme of the Hyena lineage.

Creme embarrassed, "I read once that book of the American Natives."

Mint knocks Creme one the head with the flat side of one of his knives. After that, all resume the battle. The battle goes badly for the Phoenix warriors and the Musk and Amazon warriors advance very fast despite those many traps. After reaching somewhat fatigued the top were Saffron resides nearly a very hot fireball incinerated all. They have come too late. Saffron's ascension is finished.

Saffron asks them snootily "You thought I would tell you when I would have finished my ascension? Who would have thought that you're all really that stupid? I would say 'I told you so' but so you know I finished the ascension a week ago."

Herbs angry "Less talk, let's fight!"

Saffron raises one eyebrow "When you're that greedy to die early. . . ." he now flies to Herb with an already formed fireball that is as big as a Basketball "Your wish can be fulfilled quite easily."

But before Saffron can hit Herb with that ball his hand is hit by a stone that melted on contact with his skin. It was enough to steer the flight path of that ball away from Herb and over the horizon.

"Don't forget me Sonny boy" a very raspy voice is heard from the side.

And Cologne joins the fight. However, in the end it didn't matter how many they were and what techniques and fighting styles they knew. Saffron's fully ascension and therefore fully control of his powers was to powerful for them. All but Herb and Cologne lay dead or dieing on the ground.

Herb dips his head down and whispers, "Please all forgive me that I have to use that forbidden technique." He looks up to Cologne and shouts "Give me one minute!"

Cologne only nods slightly so that Herb knows she has understood this and with a harden look she fights against Saffron. With every second, her aura dims a little while taking more and more damage. Meanwhile Herb doesn't sit there idle. He stretches out his aura and feels for the life energies. He found them and sucks from all of them a little bit out but he knows that that isn't enough to beat Saffron. Therefore, he sucks them dry. He even seeks live energies from beyond to beat Saffron. We see now motes upon motes upon motes of light that streams to Herb like moth flies to light and Herb shines like the sun. Yeah he shines even brighter than the sun. Is it because he sucks in the motes of light, or is it because the sun is actually getting dimmer? That's hard to say. Nevertheless, it got Saffron's attention that he now totally ignores Cologne in favor of the higher treat. Saffron rips one wing out of him and swings it at Herb, which just now cannot be seen, in all the bright light he generates. The wing disintegrates upon contact with Herbs aura. When that happened Saffron unleashes his full might on Herb. Fireball upon fireball hotter than lava, bigger than a cart he sends to Herb in hundreds but it's for naught they all disintegrate to hot air upon contact with Herbs aura.

Inside the bright aura, Herb stands still in a meditation stance. His head lowered and both his fore and middle finger lies to another while the others are crossed. After he thought, he had gathered enough he lifts his head and all other see bright blue lights in his generated aura where his eyes should be. He looks like an angry mist-spirit.

Kingly Herb states, "It's done."

He pushes all the energy he had gathered to Saffron by striking a palm strike in the direction where the phoenix remains.

"Ha!" and the big great ball leave Herbs hand.

Only to miss Saffron by some meters. Herb still stars after the ball and ignores Saffron saying only one word "Oops . . . ."

Sweat drops form on Saffron and Cologne heads.

Cologne outraged "And because of that you wanted to distract Saffron?"

Herb still stares behind Saffron were the ball now detonates and he begins to shudder quite much.

Herb shocked "Uh ooh..."

Moreover, it detonates. Can you say Big bang? Because of Herb now the whole earth, the whole galaxy and the whole dimension is newly born. All that because of Herbs Big bang-attack, were Herb gathered too much energy.

End

Chapter Text

5th try to . . . .

o0o0o China, Quinghai Province, Bayankala Mountain Range o0o0o

Saffron abruptly sits up in his bed. Pale from another nightmare of loosing against one Saotome Ranma. Every time and then he dreams that in a slightly different way. This time it's enough for him. He will do something against it so he can set his fears to rest.

"Kiima! Come here this instant!" he shouts out.

The big doors to Saffron's bedchamber open and Kiima comes in.

Kiima modestly "Yes my Lord. What is your desire?"

"Bring me the best magicians that can immunize me against water and cold" Saffron tells her his wish like royalty speaks.

Kiima’s eyes widen "M.. mm my lord?"

Saffron now a little annoyed "NOW!"

Kiima fearful, "Y.. yes my lord."

Since that day, quite a lot of wizards walked through the halls of Saffron's Phoenix Mountain. Quite many lost their life because they failed and hurt Saffron in the process of their profession. Now not many come to Phoenix Mountain. Mostly, because nobody came back from there. Today the famed fanatical sorcerer Magnus comes to Saffron. Sure, of himself and with an elevated head he strides through the doors to Saffron's throne chamber. As he stands before Saffron and wanted to start to speak he is interrupted by Saffron.

Saffron "As you know when you can do it. You gain access to our library, three magical objects of my possession and a favor to ask of me. If not . . . ." he roams with his right forefinger fingernail from the left side to the right side of his neck. "You still want to have a go?"

Instead of answering to that question, Magnus simply waves with his hand and a table appears. On the table is a flat object that is hooded by a black piece velvet fabric and a little beautiful decorated blue-violet box.

Saffron curious "So with what manner of magic do I have to do this time?"

Magnus with a simply smile "Its alchemy. In the box there is the 'Flask of binding' to make the change finite and under the piece of fabric is the 'Cenedril lond Danbel' or roughly translated 'The mirror that leads to Contra Power'. Do you want to begin now or after dinner?"

Surprised answers Saffron "Now would be fine. The earlier the better."

Magnus nods and opens the little box. Inside of it, in-between a scarlet red velvet fabric and other soft fabrics, there lays a flask in the form of an Egyptian god Ra, which is bound by some kind of ribbons that looked too weak to hold such a personality. With the utmost care, Magnus takes out the wonderful piece of art and carries it to Saffron.

Magnus softly "Drink it and you will make the next step to the first Dual-Phoenix permanent."

Saffron without hesitating takes the flask and downs it with one gulp. It surprises him that it tastes like ambrosia or at least that is what he thinks of it.

With eager eyes, Saffron says "And the next step . . . how will that happen?"

Magnus softly "We need a dark room."

Saffron winks his hand and the servants close the shutters, thus darken the room "Is that to your liking?", and raise an eyebrow.

Magnus softly "That's just fine. Now stand up from your throne and stand before the table . . . ." After Saffron does, so Magnus raise the mirror so, that the mirror-side looks to Saffron and lift the velvet piece fabric. We see now a mirror with silver border with elves on each side that point to the middle of the mirror. "Now look where the elves point and you will receive what you want."

As Saffron does so he doesn't feel anything different till he stumbles from the pain still looking in the mirror and seeing how some of his plumage turns blue, while others turn from yellow to red. He stands still and endures the pain as a royalty does. After five gruesome minuets, the change is accomplished. Saffron feels the power experimentally he let out his own flame . . . strong as ever.

Magnus again hid the mirror-side by the same velvet piece of fabric and after moving the hand in a certain way the table with it's contains vanish to were it came from. He looks then to Saffron with his magical eye. He gulps. The shock is deeply written in his facial manner.

He can only think which fool gave Saffron the Soul of Kagura. A jelly like blue shimmering egg that has a golden seed in it. Especially that Kagura was an Ice-Phoenix. Now Saffron's Ice-Power is out of control . . . even nastier is that because of that potions the other magicians gave him his immune system breaks right before his eyes. And the 'Flask of binding' potion made that permanent. The sure sign, that the situation with Saffron degrades showed in how his plumage wanted to turn to yellow but turned more often then not to gray . . . . A dying phoenix . . . . Then he sees how Saffron tries out his cold power.

Magnus frightened shouts "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" During his scream, he tries to break the accumulation of Saffron's cold power. But too late.

A bright blue light eminates from Saffron away that shines through even the thick walls where the phoenix-people live. It extends and extends 'til it surrounds the entire earth.

o0o0o Same place, 1000 year later o0o0o

A very beautiful tourist guide talks brightly to the crowd "Here we are where the great 2nd ice-age began. As we see, there is the frozen form of the deceased King Saffron. Legends say that he is a Phoenix . . . bla bla bla. Fortunately Sailor Moon could rescue Tokyo from that sudden 2nd ice age. Now when you would follow me to Jusendo were another legend lies of that era . . . ."

End

Chapter Text

6th try to . . . .

o0o0o Tokyo, Nerima o0o0o

Mousse had finally enough. It cannot continue like that. An ignorant outsider beats him a proud warrior of the Amazons. He can't let that continue to happen like this. He packs his things and leaves behind a letter, which says that he will come back in a week. Well aware that Cologne won't be happy about it and he will risk being the next Peking-duck menu . . . but for Shampoo, it is well worth the strains he will be enduring.

On the way out of the city, he sees behind of a laboratory some things he could use for his training. Like that wonderful metal-staff, the lenses as well that test tube with that wired green sparkling stuff inside of it. Some minutes later he raids a clothing manufacture. Those scissors and fabric he can use very well. That garbage dump besides the clothing manufacture is for him worth one's weight in gold. Nearly out of town, he sees a baby-turtle outside of a pet-shop. An evil plan forms in his mind, which involves the turtle, duck-tape, itching powder and Ranma's ass . . . .

"That's the last thing I need for my plan to be successful!" shouts Mousse in the air and away the turtle is in Mousses Hidden-Pocket-Space.

o0o0o Outskirts of Tokyo, Forest o0o0o

Hours later, deep in the forest outside of Tokyo Mousse trains for the fight with Ranma. He even creates his own weapons that he has created especially against Ranma's fast speed. He used nearly every part of what he has deliberated from before. That both his thumbs were glowing with a bright red light he ignores by distracting himself with training in an entire new style of fighting. All the while, he trains with Ranma's style and behavior in his mind.

Finally! Mousse finished his newly developed style and training in his newly created weapons. He managed that all inside of a week!!! We see as a shadow jumps behind a tree.

Shadow calmly "Saotome cower before the might of an Amazon." The Shadow jumps up to the top of the tree and we see Mousses silhouette who shouts, "So if you cower and act like a chicken you are I fight you like one! Face the might of the 'Wicked-Rubber-Chicken-Fu'!!! HahahhahahhahahahGAHAHHAHHWAHHA!!!" We see Mousse in a ridiculous Rubber-Chicken costume complete with a beak, cockscomb, and claws on his feet. Mouse in all his moronic glory managed to look even loonier than Kuno when he had the 'Phoenix' on his head. KRACKS and down Mousse goes 'til he hangs from the trees branch by his new clothing on the newly broken stump of the tree. The broken tree branch lies below his feet. That laughing made the tree branch he stood on break. What a way to train for the real thing . . . Mousse doesn't want to damage his self-created clothing and wills it back in his Hidden-Pocket-Space. Only one problem . . . . He forgot that the tree branch also is connected with that Rubber-Chicken costume and is also sucked in his Hidden-Pocket-Space. He then remembers what his master said to him before he was allowed to leave the practice grounds.

Master of Mousse in a stern voice "Never and I mean never ever try to place anything living in your Hidden-Pocket-Space and then afterward put any living plant that is rooted to earth in your Hidden-Pocket-Space . . . you wont like the results of that!"

Mousse then remembers the little turtle he put in his Hidden-Pocket-Space. Slowly he turns to the tree he hangs and sees it in time lapse how the tree is sucked in his Hidden-Pocket-Space.

Only one word escapes his mouth full of horror "Oops!"

Mousse eyes widen as he sees that the suction doesn't stop at the tree and now sucks the ground under his feet is also sucked into his Hidden-Pocket-Space. From one second to the next he sees the stars so bright since . . . since never. Because now the earth is gone . . . not gone but in his Hidden-Pocket-Space and now he stands alone in space. Only that a human cannot live in space and he only can admire the deep space with its stars like the astronauts. Then he explodes as all things explode in a vacuum.

Seconds pass. Then motes of light shimmer where Mousses form were seconds ago. Then there is a second explosion. Much bigger then the last and all the things Mousse put in his Hidden-Pocket-Space flies away from the point of the explosion. Like the metal-stick, he put there some time ago as well the rubber-live-size-doll that resembles Shampoo very much. That one he was given as a distraction by Shampoo. It worked too . . . Then also, we see three really big pieces. Two blue-green-brown pieces that resemble earth and a really big shiny green piece that is as big as the other are and that we can't identify . . . .

o0o0o Unknown Outer Space destination o0o0o

There deep deep in space we see a big star-turtle named Great A-Turin. We always will ask us if it's a male or female as well were it came from and were it goes to. On Great A-Tuin there stands upon it four elephants that hold on their big shoulders the Discworld that was once called Earth . . . .

End

Chapter Text

7th try to . . . .

o0o0o Tokyo, Bunkyo, Cooking Class o0o0o

“Hi, want to be friends?” Akane smiles at her two neighbors in the cooking class, and extends her hand.

“Sure!” A bubbly cheery girl immediately shakes Akane’s hand. “My name is Tsukino Usagi.”

“Ahem.” A regal looking girl demands attention.

“Oh sorry.” Stepping aside Usagi gives place to the other girl.

Bowing very formally and straightens up again. “Masaki Jurai Ayeka.”

The door opens and in steps the teacher, an older woman in her late thirties. “Stand!”

All teen girls stood up.

“My name is Urashima Haruka,” puffing on her cigarette . . . “let me be frank. I don’t like you . . . so you need to work at it, so that I may like you . . . . Now I begin to read the attendant list.”

o0o0o Two minutes later o0o0o

“Sit!” Going with an egg-carton to the last row. “Now we begin with the easiest lesson there is. We will cook three minute eggs. I’ll explain in detail what you. First . . . put water in a small pot and get the water boiling. Second . . . carefully put one or more eggs into the water depending on how many you want to cook. As this is a lesson, each of you only uses one egg. Third . . . set the timer for three minutes. Fourth . . . when the timer goes off pour all of the water out of the pot and fill it with cold water so the eggs chills.” On the girl’s kitchen table in the right corner, she put the egg-carton on. “Pass the egg-carton along until each of you has one egg.”

Out of the loudspeaker, a loud voice booms. “Ms. Urashima . . . there is again a situation with your relative Keitaro.” The speaker mutters quietly, “and if that continues, I’ll have to fire you . . . .”

Turning around to address the class, “I expect you to be done with the egg when I come back . . .” continues a bit quieter “or a substitute.

WHAM

And off she goes leaving the cooking class for self-study.

Creeeeeeeeeeeeak click, ominous the door closes behind the teacher.

Akane rummages in the drawer in her kitchen table and fishes out a huge pot.

PLANG

“Now filling it with water that’s so easy . . . hmm maybe I should turn up the heat quite a bit.” With this, she turns on the gas herd. “Now where is the gas lighter?”

“Here you can this one.” Usagi hands the lighter on her kitchen table over to Akane.

WHOOOOOOOOSH

Because of the gas flare, the girls backed away a bit from the pot and without their notice, it melted some of the plastic of the serving tray and scourged the vegetables.

“EEEEEEEEEEEEk!” all the girls scream. Most of the girls in this class immediately leap to the front seat.

Akane looks into the water. “That doesn’t look yellowish enough yet. I need some oil. Rummaging in the drawer again now where is the oil. Oh, I know!” She uses her considerable strength and rips out a cable. “Those cables usually have some oil in it.” Using the cable like a tube and squeezes the cable all the black oil out of it. “That is not right either. Hmm . . .” looking around and sees a yellow paprika, “that’s it! Oh, what is now? Why do they always attach so firmly the things I need.” Again, with her considerable strength she rips out the paprika along with the melted plastic and the little metal bar that was attached to the melted plastic. “That wasn’t it either,” looking lost at heir cooking neighbors’, “what do you suggest?”

Elegantly handing Akane a mayonnaise bottle, “That should be sufficient enough.”

Beaming at Ayeka, “I’m so glad that I got you two next to me. I’ll master cooking in no time and show Ranma that I can cook too!”

“Boyfriend? Then let me help too!”

Akane simmers a bit.

“Oh this for your boyfriend of yours?”

"I NEVER SAID THAT, WHO TOLD YOU THAT?!?!"

Usagi looks sideway to Ayeka. ‘Oh she is so in denial.’

Ayeka silently agrees with her eyes to Usagi’s statement. ‘Oh yes just like the soap operas Mihoshi likes to watch.’

Ayeka thinks, ‘I can SO relate!’

Ayeka and Usagi both say to each other, “We should help her!”

Seeing where this is going, terror set in as the rest of the girls in the class cuddle together at the other end of the room, when the three girls mentioned the word ‘boyfriend’, developing unholy auras, and eyes that are even more hellish.

Their already large dinner plate sized eyes threatened to take up their whole face at the sight of the violations of nature’s law.

“That’s nothing! Did you see what they did before? Didn’t you see how they managed to tame ‘the food’ and after one look by all of them it obediently went back into the pot?”

“I looked away as I thought they tortured a soul.”

“Um, maybe it would be best to call a teacher?”

DING!!!

Not minding the strange gases and coloration and even some squeaking from within the pot.

That reminded the girls cowering of a hell gate mixed with a funny mushrooms trip.

Akane looks again in the mostly destroyed drawer insides. “That red powder there should finish up the ‘love egg’.” With a satisfied grin, Akane holds out the hand with the powder in it.

“Let’s.” Usagi adds her own hand over Akane’s.

“Let us.” Ayeka as well adds her own delicate hand over the others.

Thus completing the classic storybook picture of three cackling evil witches standing over the cauldron, ignoring the purple-green fumes billowing out of it.

“Now it’s done!”

And then Akane let the rat poison fall into the pot with several shivering sentient beings in it.

A frightened Akane says “Oop-“

And then the dark field expanded and consumed Akane as if erasing reality. [Imagine the transition in Residence into the other world only that the other world here is pitch black.]

o0o0o Universal Galaxy Standard Year 666, on a space ship o0o0o

The people on the spaceship saw the Milky Way Galaxy disappear in a black space-time-continuum-singularity forever.

OMAKE:

1)

“Now it’s done!”

And then Akane let the rat poison fall into the pot with several shivering sentient beings in it.

A frightened Akane says “Oop-“

The sentient beings began to pray in thousands different languages.

Suddenly beneath the praying beings, an eye opened, and then a mouth in the eye opened and devours those still praying beings in the pot.

Blinking two times the eye settled on the three creators of it.

The three girls suddenly knew that they would be kept alive to create more of those ‘IT’.

Then the ‘Old One’ squelched out of the pot.

2)

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii I'm Jenny Myer, just call me Jenny. I will be teaching you how to cook today. Now so that we can begin I need first to do the attendant call. So here we go."

“Aqua Keyne . . . ?”

“Can we begin cooking already?”

“Hakubi Ryoko . . . ?”

“Yo.”

“Hasegawa Sora . . . ?”

“Present.”

“Invader Lum . . . ?”

"Hiiiiiiiii daccha, teach me a lot so I can make daaaaaaaaaarling happy, daccha!"

“Kagurazaka Asuna . . . ?”

“Present.”

“Kamishiro Rin . . . ?”

“Here.”

“Katsuragi Misato . . . ?”

“Burp!“

“Kojima Kirie . . . ?“

“Hi!”

“Kotabuki C-ko . . . ?“

“Sensei can you taste my cooking?” Cue puppy eye blinking.

“Kuga Natsuki . . . ?“

“Here.”

“Masaki Jurai Ayeka . . . ?“

“Present.”

“Matsumaru Yurika . . . ?”

“Here.”

“Minazuki Taeko . . . ?“

“Present.”

“Sanzenin Nagi . . . ?“

“Here.”

“Sawachika Eri . . . ?“

“Attending.“

“Shimura Tae . . . ?“

"I want to make tamagoyaki!!! Er, oh, sorry, present."

“Tendo Akane . . . ?“

“Here!“

“Tsukino Usagi . . . ?”

“Oops, is it lunch time already?”

”Tsukamoto Tenma . . . ?”

“Please could you treat me like a woman? Erm, here.”

The universe tries to initiate the big bang to avert its demise by the potential in this cooking class.

End

Author Notes:

Yep those Omake’s are a result of a conversation with TheDevian. I like those. ^^

That was fun to write and simply had to be inserted in this series of mine. ;)