Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Sitting in a little coffee shop you had five different work diaries sitting open and a stack of paper work and meeting requests to get through, it was fine though, this was your job, and you enjoyed it. Problem solving almost, making sure everyone was seen and to be seen on time. It’s weird to think that 3 years ago you only had 1 diary to keep full and organised but you were so good at your job they gave you another person to look after and a pay rise. You caught up quickly and you were managing two just fine they gave you another two, another pay rise, and finally you got this book last month, finally you had enough work to keep you busy for the hours they expected you to work. You knew everyone in the office and everyone loved you!

The last person they had doing this job left, got a better job they say, no one would say where, she never told them, never kept in touch, but you were content where you were … for now at least. You had made a nice schedule for yourself, something everyone found amusing, you weren’t just managing the diaries of 5 office managers but you were looking after yourself as well. You now had enough money coming in that you could take yourself away at weekends, you had yourself a nice comfortable life worked out. Yet there was sitting something missing.

You loaded up tumblr on your laptop sitting on the other side of the table and had a scroll through the pictures of Benedict Cumberbatch while you sipped your hot chocolate, you have a silly grin on your face when you overhear a conversation, you don’t know why you are listening but you listen anyway. “I need someone to look after me … I can’t keep my own diary, I can’t even get to events on time you expect me to answer yes or no to something happening in three months’ time …” You glance down at the diaries sitting up four months in advance and shake your head, some people are so disorganised. You can only hear one half of the conversation, “Well find me someone, and quickly!” They sounded disgruntled.

Someone slips into the booth opposite you, everywhere else was full, obviously, you didn’t mind but you weren’t going to say anything to them, you’d keep your head down and get the appointments booked in … yep four months in advance, tumblr is still open but is now ignored as you start reading the request in front of you. “Are those work diaries?” The person opposite you asks.

You take a moment to think, something is not quite right in your head. Why were you listening in the first place to the person on the phone, a guy yes, all the people you work for are male but that wasn’t it, the voice that sounded like dark chocolate, a deep honey voice, a voice you know all too well. Your eyes slowly drift from the diaries to the face of the man sitting in front of you. Benedict Cumberbatch.

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It’s a voice you have programmed yourself to hear, even in a very crowded room, a voice you can’t get enough of, that voice asked you a question. You finally realise you have a blanket stare on your face and smile softly at him, finally bringing yourself back to the present, “well I … eugh … this.” You look at the diaries on the table and nod slowly, “yeah.” You manage to say. You glance over to your laptop and notice that tumblr is still open with his face on it, you reach over quickly and close it causing Ben to frown slightly but he shrugs it off taking one of the books and turns it round so he can read it. “This is for four months’ time” He exclaims and then checks the other. “Five of them!” You shrug “That’s my job” you say softly.

A playful smile graces his lips and it takes years off his face and you can’t help but smile back, you see him reading the company name on the paperwork in front of you but you don’t think anything of it, he shifts in his chair before he reaches down and pulls out a thick book and some paper work, “I hate to be a bother but if organising people is what you do can you fix my week.” Your eyes go wide at the pile he is hold, a single person for one week? You nod and take the book, he watches you as you read through it, making notes, in pencil, where you would have interviews and photoshoots, being generous and giving him extended breaks and a longer time to sleep than he was going to give himself, it took a couple of hours and Benedict was content to sit and watch you work. You barely even noticed, it was nice to be looking at a different diary.

You fixed his week up the best you could and handed it back with a winning smile, he starts thanking you over and over and you wave your arms to stop him, “Honestly, really, I was a thrill.” You give him a small smile and look back to your books. This prompts Benedict to start apologising about taking up your time. He gets up off the seat saying he’s going to leave you at piece, but you can’t let him go without asking for an autograph and a picture. He signs the paper and his scrawl and for the picture he pulls you in tight and them pulls you in for a proper hug. He holds you for a moment at arm’s length with a knowing smile on his face, “I’ll see you soon.” He says pressing a light kiss to your cheek before to leaves the coffee shop. In a daze you head back to your seat pinching yourself to see if you are actually awake, it hurt.

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For the next week you continued on with your work, fitting people in, rearranging cancellations keeping everyone you were working for happy. One day, however, you come in to find there were three girls working over your diaries. You stare at them awkwardly for a moment before your boss appears behind you. “You’ve been promoted again.” He tells you with a grin, a grin that says he knows something else. “Follow me.” You follow with a frown on your face, you hadn’t applied for a promotion, you only just got one as well, and they couldn’t expect to give you another diary. That didn’t seem right not when they had three people working on the books right now.

Your boss holds open the door to his office and you follow him in to find a blonde woman waiting for you, she looks familiar but you really can’t think from where. You look between your boss and the woman waiting for someone to speak.

“I’m from a personal assistant company, we take the best PA’s from places like this and pretty much give them their dream job.” The woman said giving you a smile and holding out her hand.

“I don’t think you could give me my dream job.” You say with a small laugh but you shake her hand anyway.

Your boss laughs but turns it into a cough and shrugs when you look round at him.

“Follow me please.” The woman says, you follow her out honestly not sure what on earth is happening around you, you’re not really sure if you’re getting a promotion, or being fired, or even getting your dream job. But you follow anyway. “You’ll be getting a lot more money than you’re being paid here. You’ll be keeping a diary for one person and you’ll be by his side constantly, I had the job before you but I’m needed elsewhere, the guy can be a bit of an ass …” Your heart misses a beat, not dream job at all, she grins at you before continuing, “I’m joking of course he’s a perfect gentleman.” You shake your head in disbelief and you make it out into the street where there are two cars waiting.
The woman passes you an ipad with the calendar app open, “Here is what I have for the next month, the client has the paper copy if he hasn’t lost it.” She opens the car door for you and you slide in to look at the person you’ll be looking after. Benedict Cumberbatch was sitting in the seat beside you and your eyes widen and you stare in pure disbelief. The woman was right after all, she could give you your dream job afterall.

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“M … Mr … Mr Cumberbatch.” You stutter as you continue staring at him. He gives you a smile before telling his driver to take them to the hotel.
He holds out his hand and you take his in yours, a nice firm hand shake, “Please call me Ben.” Your brain has pretty much shut down at this point, you’ve left your old job, and your new job is keeping Benedict diary, you are in a car with benedict sitting beside you, you are still holding Benedict’s hand. You smile and pick up the ipad again looking at what you had to do over the next week, you click open each day and start memorising where and when you had to be there you start trying to forget all the information you had or your last job and mentally start making a list of people you had to look up.

“I hope I haven’t taken you away from a job you loved.” Benedict says softly.

“I loved it yeah …” You tell him and you see a small frown creasing his forehead, “But this will be better.” You continue and the smile returns with force, “Well that’s good.” He says almost to himself and looks out of the window.

Your stomach seems to be turning uncomfortably but you think it must just be the uncertainty of a new job, after all you haven’t had a new job before, the one you just left was your first job, the next step was ridiculous. You were looking after the diary of the man you absolutely adore. This person was sitting beside you in a car. “Why me?” You ask trying to keep your voice light and friendly but it came out more as a squeak.

“Why not you.” He replied still looking out of the window, you thought that was it, he wasn’t going to say anymore but then he looked around, “you organised three days of my week before, it was brilliant I could sleep and relax and not get stressed out, and doing it by myself was not an option … there were others but when I looked at what they had proposed,” He shook his head and gave you a smile, “Your week was the best week and I wanted you.”
You turn to look out the window to hide your grin, he wanted you, you! He appreciated that you had given him time to sleep, found some time for him to have a rest and where to go. That was the easy bit, when you worked for people who were lazy finding time for them to relax was important, Benedict wasn’t lazy, he needed rest because he worked himself too hard, and you could keep him happy, relaxed and well rested … for a little while anyway.

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When the car rolls to a stop Benedict is out of the car immediately, it startles you a little but you lift your bag from the floor and keep your eyes on the ipad moving the times of couple of things and you reach for the door handle but it swings open before you can touch it, just outside Benedict is holding the door with a big smile on his face, “Let’s get you checked in.”

You follow him into the hotel and to the counter when he books you into a room, your very own room and you don’t have to pay for it, “I have a flat you know.” You tell Benedict as you get into a lift together.

He shrugs and waves a hand at you, “Think of this as an office, or an escape, or somewhere to sleep if you need to be close to me.” He says quickly, “you don’t have to stay there, but if I’m here for a month it would be nice for you to be here just so you can talk to me directly. Or if we have to go somewhere early in the morning we can leave together, or if we get back late I wouldn’t want you travelling back to a flat alone, this is just a precaution room you know?”

You smile to yourself, there was nothing better than benedict waffling and now he was waffling at you and you nod along whilst he was speaking, “Yeah I know what you mean.” You say when he finishes. He smiles at you his eyes meeting yours, your heart misses a beat and your cheeks turn a little red but he doesn’t comment on it as the doors open.
You follow him down the corridor and be stops at 221 and points at it, “This is my room they thought it would be funny.” He continues walking and you follow him again until he stops at 234 and hands you a key card. “You’re in here. I’ll let you get settled, you can get some stuff from you flat, get some things sorted, I’ll be in the gym if you need me but I doubt it, bright and early tomorrow for BBC.” He presses a light kiss to your cheek before he turns on his heel and walks off.

You press your fingers to where he had kisses you and let yourself into the room, you have a quick look around before leaving again, empty and the only thing you had with you was a handbag and te ipad you were given, it was not enough. You go back downstairs and hail a cab to go back to the flat you live in to collect some of your things.

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You pack up a suitcase full of dresses skirts and blouses, the stuff you would wear when you had to accompany the people you worked with before, they were of decent quality, they were not top mark of course but now you were going to be earning a bit more money you might invest in getting more expensive clothes. You packed them anyway hoping that no one would comment.

You opened your laptop and ordered more chargers, a charger for your laptop, an ipad and your phone, one set would stay here in the flat and one set would live in the hotel room. You packed up your laptop and a stack of blank notebooks you had at the bottom of your wardrobe. You lift a large calendar from the dresser and pack it as well.

You dragged two suitcases, your handbag and your laptop bag to the street where you saw Benedict Jag waiting for you, your heart raced in your chest as you pulled your stuff forward, when the driver’s door opened and Benedict driver stepped out you told yourself off for being silly.

“Benedict said you might need help with your stuff.” He said smiling coming over and taking the two suitcases off you and putting them in the boot of the car.

“Well that’s very thoughtful of him.” You climb in the front of the Jag and receive a confused look from the driver. “What have I done?” You ask frowning.

“Nope nothing, nothing at all Miss, Ben like to sit in the back and be driven around that’s all.”

You sit in silence as he drives you back to the hotel, you sit and type on the ipad, emailing all the contacts so they know who to get in touch with if they need information or would like to book him. You send emails to those who hold information but personal assistants and publicist and get them to change to your details. You pull up at the hotel and Benedict’s driver help you bring the cases to the lobby where a hotel assistant helps you get them upstairs, no sooner are you in the door when your mobile rings, you answer and for the first time you are taking a booking for Benedict Cumberbatch.

After that you set up your laptop you take out the large calendar and put it up on the wall, you mark off where Benedict’s projects will be, when he is filming, when he is free to do interviews, you mark down everything you know from the internet and what was on the ipad, but Benedict has the book, the one you forgot to ask for. Instead you get a couple of notebooks out and start making notes on all of the people you will be having contact with, including names and address and contact numbers. It was good to be prepared.
After a few hours you brief yourself on what the interview was going to be about the next morning and ring up everyone you could find to get more information, by the end of the day you had found out who you were meeting and where, what dressing room Benedict would be in and who the other guests were, you had also found out how much research was done on their part and advised them to do a bit more. You also had most of the questions they would be asking in the notebook in front of you. Not bad for a day worth of work. It was then that you remembered that you hadn’t eaten, you were used to people reminding you to eat at the office it was something you were going to have to get used to. You ordered room service, ate, and then settled into bed not before setting an alarm for the morning.

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The numbers on the clock read 05:30 and there was a noise filling the room, you rub your eyes and look at the clock again yep it was definitely half past five in the morning. You groan as you stretch and drag yourself into the shower before you brush your teeth and dress. It was half six by the time you were dressed and you were still shivering from being tired. You go down to Benedict room and knock on the door, it opened moments late and you find him shirtless with wet hair.

Your eyes take in his physical form in front of you before you remember what you were there for. “We’re leaving in 2 hours, you’ll be ready then?” It was half a question and half a statement, but the fact he was up and almost dressed you knew that there wouldn’t be a problem, as you turn to leave you remember something else, “That book!” He frowns as he looks at you, obviously confused. “Your diary the work diary I forgot to get it off you last night.”

Ne nods and goes back into the room to get it handing it over to you with a smile, “See you in 2 hours then.” He says rubbing the side of his neck. His voice a little deeper, it must have been the first words he’d spoken. A small smirk graces your lips, it was going to be a joy to get used to that every morning.

You go back to your hotel room and add the extra dates to the diary, not a lot on there right now, he was promoting Parade's End and then a big space. It made you uncomfortable, nothing to do, though you were sure with all this promotion something would look up. Christmas was around the corner, you could afford to have that off, keep in touch, up a few things in the books and relax. You knew Benedict needed a break, this would be good.

You get to the car at the same time, this would work, this new job, you were already working well together, on the way there you went over the questions with him, got him settled into the dressing room handing him over to make up and the BBC. You went and sat in a coffee shop, watching it all on the tv as it happens, you sit continue making notes on photographs, fashion designers, you’ve been on the phone with people from Spencer Hart and you make notes to talk to Jag.

The interview went well, the first proper day on the job went well and you were slowly, slowly getting used to the idea of working for him. Even though you hadn’t really down anything you were exhausted and you had an evening interview the next day, Benedict was going to be swimming during the day, you were doing research, but for now … bed.

That was the first time you dreamed of Benedict Cumberbatch kissing you since you started working for him. You don’t remember the details, you remember him talking to you in his morning voice, you faintly remember the feeling of his lips against yours, you remember waking up frustrated.

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You attempt to avoid Benedict over the next week or so, it’s an easy thing to do as well, you accompany him to his interviews and get him settled in before you leave him, after the interview you collect him and take him where he has to go. You don’t have to be there, you could always give him the diary and send him off into the world but you were making friends at each place you went. The people on the door, coffee shop workers, the nice girls in make-up, these were contacts you would need in the future.

You barely spoke to Benedict though, only the minimum required, each evening you took yourself to the hotel room and did your research finding numbers and addresses and any information about that person that might be useful, you were learning everything from directors to models, everyone Benedict has been in contact or could come into contact with. You would work into the early hours of the morning eating at nearly 2am and going to sleep.

But this did not go un-noticed.

“I want you to eat with me tonight.” Benedict said looking out of the window of the car.

You had just finished another interview, one that went really well. You kept your eyes down on the ipad you constantly hand in your hand, you didn’t reply, it wasn’t a question also he wasn’t looking at you so why respond.

He looks over at you now and you turn to give him a small smile, but as your eyes meet his you forget what you were going to do.

“Please?” He says giving you a winning smile now, he knows he’s got you, and he probably knows your dirty secret as well, every night you can’t stop dreaming about him. It was normal to dream of the person you had been working for non-stop for a month but you tried so hard not to.

You nod slowly still captivated by his eyes, Benedict nods once and looks out the window again, “Dress up as well.” He adds.

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You pace in your room, you feel sick to your stomach, it felt like you were about to have dinner with your boss, if that that was actually going to happen. But this time your boss was Benedict Cumberbatch and he was going to be dressed up. You stop for a second and take a deep breath, you perch on the bed but you can’t sit still … so you start pacing again. Just waiting …

There is a knock on the door and you answer letting the door swing open, and there he stands. His hair a neat nest of dark curls, his eyes moving down your body as you do the same to him.

“Wow!” He mouths. You found a nice simple Navy dress in Next. It was too expensive, you weren’t breaking the bank, and you were going to be eating in the hotel restaurant after all. Benedict, being the gentleman that he is, offers you his arm. You hook your hand on his elbow and allow him to guide you down stairs.
You are seated out of view of most people, Benedict holds the chair out for you and you sit down. His eyes have barely left you since you greeted him at the door even now you were sitting glancing down at the menu he is still watching you.

“Everything on the menu looks really good.” You say in an attempt to start conversation … not about work for once. You have yet to eat off this menu because you had stayed up so late, living off the room service menu instead.

“Tastes divine as well.”

After the beginning awkwardness you settle down and Benedict relaxes. You find out that Benedict knows all the kitchen staff, all the waiting staff and all of the staff behind the bar as well. While you have been hiding away Benedict has been socialising, something you should do more of. Especially since you were now spending more time in the hotel than you were in your actual flat.

The food was divine as Benedict had said, and after a couple of glasses of wine you were completely relaxed in his company. You had just needed that push, something to break the tension since the very first day you met him in person. This was it.

He escorts you back upstairs and you both stand outside your hotel room door, it’s half open and half closed as you stand and talk to Benedict.

“We’ve got one more week of this and then it’s the Christmas break.” He says, and you think you hear a tint of sadness in his voice. It wasn’t really much of a break, between Christmas and New Year you were both attending a party, not together of course, but you would both be there. There wasn’t really anything in the diary, a couple of interviews here and there but nothing set in stone.

“We’ve got that party,” you remind him and he smiles. “And all this week.”

“We’ll make this week count then.” He says and catches you by the waist pulling you into a hug. It takes a couple of seconds of shock before you wrap your arms around his back. You rest your head on his chest and enjoy the hug. You feel him kiss the top of your head and he leaves you standing at the door as he moves off down the corridor to his room. “Goodnight.” He calls back and you hear his room door close.

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That week flew by, all the interviews happened without a glitch, you ate your meals with Benedict during the evenings and it always ended with a hug goodnight. But now you are actually living in your own flat again, and seeing the friends you had completely forgotten about, it had been a crazy month but now you could sit back and relax for two weeks.

You talked to Benedict once every day, even if it was for 5 minutes just to say hello. It was nice to know that he was always just a call away. You could hear his voice whenever you wanted. You never told you friends that though. You never told them who you were working for. You knew they would be mad at you when they found out. You knew you should tell them, but you liked having Benedict as your secret.

Christmas was spent with your family, lots of drink flowed freely and you had a merry time, you caught up with family you hadn’t seen in ages and those you saw every week. Thankfully this year they either bought you nice work clothes or gave you money and you bought an amazing dress for the Christmas Charity Ball.

You were finally dressed for the event in your new dress and you were standing checking yourself out in the mirror when there was a knock on the door. You frowned check the clock on the wall and then checking your watch to make sure, you didn’t have time for visitors, and you had to leave within the hour. You opened the wall with apologises just about to roll of your tongue when you see that it is actually Benedict’s driver.

“Ben said that I was to pick you up and drop you off at the event then collect him.”

Seems like Benedict took it upon himself to arrange not just his own transport but yours as well. You allow yourself to be driven to the event, at least now you didn’t have to worry about not drinking, you could enjoy yourself as you didn’t have to drive home.

You go in and find the PA of Tom Hiddleston and Martin Freeman and introduce yourself, you might as well make friends with them, it would be easier for them to plan nights off for all three of them if they worked together. They were nice people and you found conversation flowed easily. As did the alcohol.

You see Benedict in the crowd and you nod your head in his direction. He grins back at you but doesn’t come over. That is fair enough, you don’t have to be at his side constantly, you weren’t technically working right now either. You were enjoying yourself. You laughed you danced and you drank slowly watching as people came and went.

After a while Benedict did come and join you, you didn’t leave his side after that for the next couple of hours, he introduced you to a few people you had been reading about and it was nice to put a real face to the name and pictures. As the event started to wind down Benedict leads you to his car expecting you part ways you give him a hug. You hear his laughter deep within his chest as he shakes his head, “We’re both getting in the car.”

You can’t stop yourself from laughing as you open the door and get in, moving over so he can slide in as well. You hadn’t thought that he would be escorting you back to your flat, but he did tell you that he would when you first started working for him.

He has his arm draped over your shoulders and his fingers are brushing slowly over your arms, you don’t even think he realises that he is doing it but you don’t stop him you enjoy it. You enjoy slightly drunk Benedict.

Once again you expect the car to drive off when you get out but the other door opens and Benedict is walking you down the little garden path to your flat. You stop at the door and lean on the door frame.

“I’d invite you in for a cup of tea but the place is a mess.” You say with a small smile. It is actually true for once, you were packing up boxes deciding that it would be easier to live in the hotel than a flat and a room.

“It’s fine I should get back.” Benedict says but doesn’t make a move to leave. You see his eyes move from yours to your lips and back again, he moves closer to you. “Tonight was fun.” He says softly taking another step closer now in your personal space.

“Yeah.” You respond your eyes watching his lips.

Benedict’s hand rests light on your side, his fingers curling slightly he ever so gently pulls your hips against his, the next thing you know his lips are against yours. You move your arms to rest on his shoulders as you kiss him back. Was that even allowed? He’s moving his lips against yours now and you allow him to deepen the kiss. His tongue moves against yours and his arms wrap around your back.

When you break apart you take a deep raggedy breath and bite your lower lip looking up at him, not sure what to say you don’t say anything at all.

“Good night.” He whispers pressing a quick kiss to your cheek he goes back and gets in the back seat of the car.

You rest your back against your front door, your heart racing in your chest, your eyes wide in shock. There you stay for about 10 minutes before you have thought enough to let yourself into the flat.

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New Year’s Day. You have a cushion over your face and you are trying to drown out all the noise around you. Every little thing is getting on your nerves as you rest a New Year’s hangover. You had gone out with your friends and family the night before, preferring to spend it with the people you have known for years and years. You know Benedict spent the night with Adam Ackland, or even a couple of days you weren’t sure. Even though you were his PA you liked to give him a bit of freedom.

Your phone starts ringing and you groan loudly to yourself, the noise the vibrations, everything just getting to you. But when you see that it is Benedict ringing you sit upright and run a hand through your hair. He never mentioned the kiss after it happened. You were both drinking that night, he was a gentleman and walked you to your door and things happened. It wouldn’t be professional to bring it up. You didn’t want to seem needy. Though you always find yourself thinking about the kiss. His lips on yours.

You shake your head, determined not to fall into that daydream again and you answer the phone to Benedict’s voice shouting your name down the phone.

“What’s happened? Why are you shouting?” You ask him. He didn’t sound hurt, or angry, or anything bad ... in fact he sounded excited.

“I’m doing Star Trek, JJ rang me, they want me out there as soon as possible. Pack up your things girl we’re going to America!” He tells you.

You frown and shake your head, no idea what he is taking about at this point, you are hung over and you haven’t talked to anyone about Star Trek, unless it happened before you were PA to Benedict but he probably would have mentioned it. “Come again? What’s happened? Why are we going to America?”

“JJ rang this week, asked if I wanted to be a villain in his new Star Trek Movie. Adam helped me film this little video, we sent it over and he told me to fly out.” He finally explained.

“JESUS Benedict that is amazing.”

“You’re coming with me right?”

You stare at the floor in front of you, just up and leave England to stay with Benedict in America. Knowing no one at all. No contacts or anything. “I don’t think that’s the past place for me.”

“Oh.” He sounded upset, he had been excited before, excited to take you with him, excited about the job.

“You’ll be filming and training and bonding with the cast Benedict you don’t need me over there. I can start getting the news out over here, get people excited, start arranging photoshoots and interviews for when you get back, my place is here right now. I can keep a day to day diary for you on shared calendars and maybe fly over once or twice.” You explain, ideas now taking shape in your head of what you needed to do. Shoots that had to be rescheduled, interviews postponed, it made a lot more sense for you to stay in the UK.

“Yeah I guess … You still make sure I get to the airport okay? I want to see you before I go.” He sounded sincere, he wanted to see you. You’ve only been on the job for a short while but in that time you honestly didn’t know how you coped without him before or how you were going to manage with him in America, but you would manage.

“Of course I will. I can’t have you missing this flight.” You say with a smile. “Send me the details.”

“It’s at 5am.”

“Oh, I’ll see you in less than 24 hours then Mr Cumberbatch.” You laugh lightly but he doesn’t laugh in return.

You hear him sigh heavily. “Yeah I will.”

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You collect him as promised picking him up at 2am so that he would have enough time to get to the airport and through security and everything else that might happen. You’ve checked every internet source possible and so far no one has heard that Benedict is leaving the country so there wouldn’t be press or a mass of fangirls waiting for him. Someone might realise it’s him when he is waiting for the flight but it being so early in the morning hopefully people would have sense enough to leave him alone.

He looks brilliant in his light jeans and blue shirt and of course he is wearing a hat, a common sign that a celeb does not want to be disturbed. He gives you a hug when he sees you, before he gets into the car, not one of his normal hugs. One that lingers. Like he wants to say something but can’t bring himself to say it. In the car he talks about how excited he is. How good it would be to catch up with Simon Pegg and to meet Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine, to work with the greats.

You were happy that he was excited again, you hate to think that just because you weren’t going that he would not want to go any more. You hadn’t made that much of an impact on his life, right?

Just as Benedict had walked you to your front door you decided you would walk him to security. You let him check in his bags, his hand pulled down over his eyes trying not to draw attention to himself. You walk with him to security and you both stand there smiling softly at each other.

“5 months away.” He says and shakes his head.

“It’ll fly by.” You tell him giving him a nudge with your elbow.

“Not without you there it won’t.” He whispers.

His hand cups your face, his thumb brushing over your cheek, “I’m going to miss you.” He whispers, he tilts your head up a bit and his lips press lightly onto yours. You press back resting your hand over his. He pulls back and rests his forehead against yours.

“I shouldn’t have … I’m going away.”

You shake your head, “No, I wanted to.”

“You’ll come and see me?” He asks.

“Most definitely.” You tell him with a smile.

He kisses you again, softly, delicately. “I’ll wait for you.”

You stand at the security gates as he passes through them, wait until he is completely out of sight when you pull in a deep, deep breath and let it out slowly. It was most definitely going to be a long 5 months.

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At half 5 in the morning your mobile starts buzzing and it wakes you up. You are so disorientated. You keep your eyes closed as you bring the phone to your ear. “Benedict Cumberbatch’s PA speaking, it’s half five in the morning can it wait a few hours?” You answer, not really thinking who might be on the other end. It was too early, you had stayed up on the phone trying to get travel and accommodation sorted for the next 8 months. When it came to May time the cast were going to fly to Japan and start press junkets and photoshoots. Before that you wanted to fly over and see him, after that you wanted him to do some networking in America and then he was going to Iceland to film over there. It didn’t matter that he was away, you were as busy the first week you started working for Benedict.

“I didn’t realise it was so early.” Benedict says softly down the phone.

You sit upright, wake, “Benedict I am so sorry.” He has that effect on you. His voice can pull you from sleep, you can hear it across a crowded room, and you can pretty much recognise it anywhere now.

“My apologies, I just wanted to hear your voice, I’d finished up and just rang you, I didn’t think to check the time.” He sounded upset, like he honestly hadn’t thought about the time.

“It’s nice to hear your voice Ben really, I don’t mind.”

“I can go and let you sleep.”

“How was filming?” You think a question would get him talking, to try and stop him feeling bad for ringing.

“It’s been great, really great, Simon has been great and Alice Eve is out here now, it’s really good to see her again, like really, really good I haven’t seen her in ages. And Zach and Chris have been lovely, I sit in and talk with Zoe. I’ve felt really welcome here.” He tells out. You’re glad that Alice is out there with him. They’ve known each other for ages, they’ve worked on a film together in the past. You don’t feel so bad yourself about shipping him off to America. “But I still miss you.”

“I miss you too.” You trace your fingers lightly over your lips, you’ve kissed twice now since you’ve started working for him. You don’t know what’s happening there. Obviously you are dating. Not yet, if ever. But he told you he would wait for you. You choose not to think about it most of the time.

“You are coming over to see me soon aren’t you?” He asks.

“Booking my flights tomorrow.” You tell him with a massive grin on your face. There was a brief break in filming for Benedict, the perfect time to go over and see him

“A holiday, no working.” He says firmly.

“I’ll be working … but not as much.” You agree with a compromise, you would still be attached to your phone and ipad.

“Text me the details … I’ll let you sleep, sorry again about waking you.” He voice is like honey over chocolate. He’s an expert when it came to his voice, and he knew that you would forgive him anything if he just spoke in the right way. This way.

“You know it’s fine. I’ve been missing your voice like crazy.”

“Not just my voice I hope.”

“And you company … I’ll see you very soon.”

He hangs up and you set the phone back, you would be flying across that big ocean in time enough, Soon you would be back at his side.

Chapter Text

You get into the airport and you look for someone holding a sign with your name on it. You knew benedict wasn’t going to be meeting you here. The press knew he was in America now and he didn’t want them following him. You understood that. It was fine. He was probably in the gym working out. Which was all the poor guy seemed to be doing. Acting, eating and working out. You were proud of him though. He had gone up four suit sizes for Star trek and in such a short space of time as well.

You find the guy who’s going to be acting as your driver for the week and allow him to lead you outside. You make small talk as you walk through the large airport. He takes your bags off you and put them in the boot of the car, still talking to him as you get in.

“I’m so glad you could make it out.”

“BENEDICT!” You cover your heart with your hands as it races in your chest and it stares wide eyed at you. “You scared the fuck out of me.”

“Sorry.” He has a small smile on his face. He knows you are not mad at him, how could you ever be mad at him. He leans over and presses a kiss to your cheek. “I am glad you made it out though.”

The both of you start talking as if you had never been apart, Benedict catches you up, telling you about the neutron cream, telling you how Simon got him bad. How it never would have happened if you were there.

“Of course it would have happened if I was there. I would have told you to wear it.” You saying laughing.

“Oh no that’s mean.” He says looking mildly upset but he soon smiles and laughs along.

When you arrive at the hotel you rush round the car and throw yourself into Benedict’s awaiting arms. He wraps his arms tightly around you and spins you round. He sets you on your feet again and grins at you not letting you go just yet.

But then something changes and he moves away, becoming distant, his eyes glaze over and he looks away.

“Benedict are you okay? What’s wrong?” You’ve never seem his demeanour change so suddenly before. “Hey you can talk to me, it’s my job remember. What can I do?” You don’t like this. This isn’t the Benedict you know, the one you put on the airplane.

“That’s it though isn’t it? This is your job.” He sighs heavily his shoulders dropping a little. “Can we do this inside and after you’ve checked in.” He holds the door to the hotel open.

“What are we doing? Going to be doing?” He’s caught you completely off guard, your eyes are wide and confused as you look at him, but he just gestures inside and you make your feet move. Benedict is quiet now, refusing to speak until you’ve put your stuff in your room. After that you go back downstairs into the coffee bar and you both sit in a secluded put on soft sofas. “What’s happened Ben? Help me help you?”

“This is your job, and I’ve taken advantage of that … The fancy meals, the, the kissing on doorsteps and airports. That isn’t in your job description.”

You trying and stop him but he holds up a hand to silence you, your heart sinking into your chest it’s almost painful.

“I can’t ask this of you, looking after my work, my dairy and me is enough, and if you accept my friendship I’ll be the happiest person.” He falls silent after that, not really looking at you but more past you.

“That’s what you want?” You ask him slowly. You should leave this job now, you’ve made things awkward, and they can’t go back to the way they were … could they? Not after this.

“It’s what’s best.” He says softly his eyes now meeting yours.

“I’ll be your friend Ben off course I will, if you still want me around, if it’s not awkward.” You didn’t want to say those words. You wanted more, in fact you wanted him. All of him.

A smile slowly lights up his face. “Of course I still want you here, work is work though, and you’re my friend.”

You sit in the coffee bar for a few hours before you take yourself to bed, it might be the middle of the day here in America but if you don’t sleep now things would not look good later. Besides sleeping now would be a good thing. This was not the reunion you thought it was going to be, not in the slightest. Too much time to think, that was the problem. The poor man, getting himself all worked up. He was so morally good it was frustrating. At least when you wake up you can program yourself to him his friend and things would go back to normal … Without those two amazing kisses.

Chapter Text

You were staying for a just over a week, and after what happened you thought it was going to drag, you thought it was going to be awkward … well that didn’t happen. You woke up the next day, sleeping through the jetlag and Benedict greets you with a hug. He wants to keep you close by, after months of being apart he can’t stand the thought of being away from you, he plans on making up for lost time so for the whole week you stay by his side.

If Benedict swam in the outside pool you were lounging in the sun keeping track of interview stuff that was going to happen over the next year. But not just that you had the BAFTA’s and the EMMY’s to prepare for. If he was in the gym you would join him, if he was going over lines you would sit with him and read a book, it was a brilliant holiday, or as much of a holiday you could ever have.

You ate together as well, everything was completely normal. Nothing had changed. Benedict was just being his friendly self. You sat in the coffee shop a lot it was quiet, and you could sit without being disturbed, the hotel kept the press out, and there was no way for them to see you in the secluded corner than Benedict loved. Every now and again he would put his arm around you, his fingers trailing mindlessly over your skin whilst he read a book, or double checked your plans. If you weren’t so besotted you might have asked him to stop but you enjoyed it too much, if it was innocent you were only hurting yourself right? Honestly you didn’t mind at all.

The week passed without anything interesting happening. You both enjoyed being in each other’s company. It just seemed so normal, healthy, like you belonged together. If that together meant as friends you could live with that. Though there was that thought, that maybe he wanted more as well. You would catch him watching you when he thought you weren’t looking. His hugs were lingering again. The kiss on your cheek was getting closer to your lips. You knew he wouldn’t act on it though. Too proud, trying to be professional. You didn’t want to make the first move, you didn’t want to risk it.

After the week finished Benedict was back on set finishing up a few things on set before left to go back to England for the BAFTA’s. You’d managed to squeeze everything into 4 days, a day to sleep off jetlag, BAFTA, BAFTA party, relax and then back on the airplane. Sounded like a plan to you. You finally had everything ready, all transport sorted, suits bought, dress hired.

You went to bed without seeing Benedict for your evening meal. You knew he would be late back, you knew you had to get up early for the flight, you would bit the bullet and take an early night.

It was 3am when your alarm went off and you quickly got a shower and dressed before knocking on Benedict’s door, he was only wear boxer shorts when he opened the door, your eyes widened as you stared at them before forcing your eyes to his face. It was pain to see that he had just woken up. His hair was a mess but his body, his body looked spectacular.

“Will, will you …” You coughed and looked away your face reddening slightly as you regained composure, when you looked back he was smiling, “You’ll be ready in an hour and a half right?”

“Of course.” He crocked, his voice being used from the first time.

Your eyes hit the ground as you shuffle off the kitchens, an attempt to find something you can both eat in the car. It seemed like forever since the first day you started working for him. The very first time you heard that morning voice of his. It was one of those time you were extremely thankful you got pulled out of your first job. That voice was just perfect.

You grinned as you grabbed the food, collected Benedict and headed to the airport, the BAFTA’s await.

Chapter Text

You had hired a dress especially for the BAFTA’s you had enough money to do that now. Still not enough to buy the dress, even if you did it wasn’t like you would be wearing it again, so what was the point. Hiring a dress would be perfect. And it was perfect. You turned in a circle looking in the mirror.

“It looks amazing.” Your best friend says leaning back on your bed as she watches you. She’s come over for a bit of moral support before Benedict came over. This was your first awards show. The first time accompanying Benedict, not really with Benedict but about 5 steps behind and always listening.

“You think?” You knew the dress was amazing, but you kept finding something wrong, it wasn’t sitting properly, or it clung to close, made you feel self-conscious.

“You don’t think I know silly, you look so beautiful in that dress, honestly.”

You grin at the mirror, you did look amazing, even though you weren’t going to be the focus of attention that didn’t matter, you felt amazing. That was enough.

“I’m going to go before the big man gets here. Have fun.” She comes over and kisses you quickly before leaving. You are so glad to have someone like her on your side, she wasn’t even mad when you told her you were working for Benedict Cumberbatch, she wasn’t even mad you kept it from her for 2 months and it felt like such a wait off your shoulders to be able to talk to someone.

You finished putting on your make-up when there was a knock on the door of your flat. You rushed over to the door and opened it quickly, “Two seconds Ben, I’m just grabbing my things.” You rush around the little flat grabbing your little clutch bag and shutting all the windows and door in the flat, before picking up the little suitcase, you were moving back into the hotel for the couple of days you were in England, it would just be easier.

You felt Benedict watching you but you didn’t think anything of it, he was probably frustrated you were ready, but as you look around his eyes are fixed on you, his eyes dilated, his eyes move smoothly from your feet and up the length of your body before meeting your eyes.

“Wow, you look stunning.” He breathed a warm smile on his lips.

You take in his suit and bite your bottom lip, “Not too bad yourself Mr Cumberbatch.” You give him a quick smile before moving past him out the door. Stay professional.

You quickly drop your stuff off at the hotel and you were on your way to the BAFTA’s. Benedict was buzzing, everyone had been telling him that this was his year, he would be winning every award out there and nothing would be able to stop him. You weren’t so sure. You knew Benedict was amazing, he was perfect, but not everyone was seeing that yet. Especially not BAFTA, you didn’t say anything, he was so excited, you didn’t want to spoil this for him.

You gave him space as he waked the red carpet, following just within earshot. You mostly gave him free reign but directed him to the interviewers you had pre-booked. You allowed him to sign for fans and gave him enough time so the fans would be satisfied before moving him to the photographers and quickly moving back, making sure that you wouldn’t be in any photos. The last thing you needed was for the CumberBitches to be on your case. They still scared you, you were still terrified they would find out that you were working this job, terrified that they might find out about those kisses. Being anonymous was useful and you didn’t want to change that.

Benedict was grinning you both took your seats and he poured you both a glass of wine. It was going to be a long night, you just hoped that BAFTA had some sense.

Chapter Text

You put your head in your hands as you sit at the table, it wasn’t Benedict. He managed to keep his composure when the camera was on him, a small smile on his face but you knew it was killing him. You knew he wanted to run away, to lock himself away, he would be fine, he’d bounce back he always did. As soon as the camera had moved away he had finished off three glasses of wine really quickly.

You watch as he clenches and unclenches his hands under the table, you had to do something, you had to help, you had to make this easier for him. You get up and trace you fingers over his shoulders. “Come with me.” You whisper and he catches hold of your hand. You stare at it for a second but you take the lead and he follows behind, no one notices you as you both slip out into the corridor. You take the nearest stair and you take him up and into a random corridor.

He’s still really tense and you’re not really sure what to do, you knew he couldn’t sit in that crowded room, you knew he had to get away from everyone for a bit, maybe he needed away from you as well.

“Just take a deep breath, you’re amazing, you’re an amazing person and an amazing actor and your fan base know that, BAFTA are stupid. Just … take a moment.” You go to leave when he blocks your path with his arm.

“So that’s it, calm down, and you’ll go off and tell everyone I’m not taking this very well, that I’m over emotional, sell that to the papers, yeah go and cancel all the interviews I might have given if I won, you should look for another job because I’m not good enough anymore. Yeah I’ll take a moment.” He snaps.

You stare at him in disbelief, your eyes widen in horror at what he had just said to you. A little bit of colour drains from your face, “You honestly think I would leave you … now of all times?” You whisper.

“Where were you going then,” You can see all the anger leave his body, replaced with something much worse, “When I need you?” He asked, pain lining his voice.

You wrap your arms carefully around Benedict waist and rest your body lightly against his. “I’m so sorry, I’m right here.” You whisper.

He arms curl around you and he buries his face in your hair and you feel him inhale, “I’m just not good enough.” He whispers. You shake your head but he nods, “If I was any good I would have won that, everyone told me I was getting it, they told me this was my year, and I believed them, how stupid am I for listening, you know what I should just stop now, save myself some embarrassment, It’s not like I’m going to win a Golden Globe either, America don’t even know who I am.”

“Stop this, just stop, please Benedict stop.” You whimper.

“Why should I, it’s all true.” He replies.

“It’s not!” You snap stepping back. His eyes are watering as he leans back against the wall his head bowed and his eyes downcast.

“God damn it you’re breaking my heart Benedict, please stop, you’re so perfect, you need to believe that, I need you to. I need you to be the strong man who demanded to have a PA, the strong man that as cast as one of the most badass villains in movie history. I need you to, now just tell me what you need!”

His eyes snap up at the last statement and he waste no time crossing the small space, your back is against the wall and Benedict is so close to you, there is determination in his eyes but they are still soft and warm as he looks at you. He’s eyes flicker to your lips then to your eyes again, he’s hit the wall of wanting you and wanting to stay professional. But you can see he needs this, he wants this, you want this. To hell with being professional.

Slowly you bring your lips to his, it had to be you, you had to break this, the one in control. You give him plenty of chance to stop you, but he doesn’t move. As soon as your lips touch his he responds immediately and you can feel him relax as he relaxes into you. Your hands move up to rest lightly on his shoulders as he pulls you closer to him.

You move your lips together as if they were made for each other. You put as much admiration, respect and passion into the kiss as you can, you feel his tongue flick out and you deepen the kiss, your tongue clashing with his. You can taste the wine he’s been drinking and you soak it up.

You actually kissed him, your knees weaken slightly at the thought but Benedict has you supported, you can’t allow this to be one thing, not this time, you can’t push yourself away again, you can’t allow him to think about this professionally, you know he wants to be with you. You know.

Benedict breaks the kiss and you both pull in a shaky breath, he’s still holding you against him, his nose touching yours as you just stay there, eyes locking a smile now playing on his face. “Stay with me tonight? I’ll over think if I’m alone.” He whispers.

You nod slowly and his smile grows. His lips press lightly to yours again, but just for a moment and then on your forehead.

“I don’t feel like joining the party, shall we get out of here now.” He asks.

“I just have to grab my stuff from the table.”

Chapter Text

You make your way back into the crowded room, looking over your shoulder to see Benedict leaning against the wall. You can’t stop the smile that comes to your face, you shouldn’t be happy right now. Benedict lost, and even though he seemed in better spirits he was still going to be upset. You grab your clutch bag quickly sending a message to Benedict driver to pull around the car you stop at each person sitting on the table, making excuses why you have to leave, not one of them being that you were going back to Benedict’s hotel room.

You head back out to the main hall and leave by the back door quickly getting into the waiting car, you don’t sit on the either side of the car like you usually do, but Benedict sits next to you and wraps an arm over your shoulders, his fingers trailing over your arms. He’s quiet, too quiet and his eyes seemed to be glazed over, you take his free hand in yours giving it a comforting squeeze.

He gives you a small smile and kisses your cheek but then he goes back to his thoughts. You leave him be, you don’t want to pester him, you don’t want to be intrusive. You want to help but you know that sometimes people have to be left alone to deal with something.

You pull up at the hotel and go upstairs, as you stand outside of 221, you didn’t know what to expect, were you actually going to sleep with him? Is that what he wanted? Would you actually sleep with him if he made a move?

“If you want to and change into pyjama’s and then join me …” Benedict says with a small smile.

It was as if he could read your mind. You lean against him and he wraps his arms around you, you press your lips quickly to his and then hugged him before you went back to your room. As soon as the door closes your heart races in your chest, you run the tips of your fingers over your lips, this was actually happening, he wasn’t pushing you away, he had accepted you, not just as a professional but as someone he wants to be with. You broke through that barrier for him, freed him of the choice and now it was actually happening and you were going to spend the night with him.

You pull in a very deep breath and it shakes as you release it. You quickly change into your pyjamas, you go back and stand outside 221, your heart is racing and your hands are shaking, but you gather up your courage and knock on the door.

Benedict answers in a second, he must have been waiting. He was in navy blue pyjamas with the shirt open. Your eyes take him in. He had gone up four suit sizes for star trek, and he had fantastic hair right now which he hand messed up with his hands. He looked like a god and he was yours.

He reaches out to you, cupping the back of your neck he pulls you to his body, his other arm resting on the small of your back, you rest your head against his chest and wrap your arms around his back and hold him.

“I can’t believe I thought I was going to win.” He whispered.

You squeeze into the hug, what he needed right now was comfort and that you could give him. “Honestly Ben you are amazing, next year will be your year, I can promise you that.” You tell him in a firm voice, you believed it, he was about to hit the big time, you were so excited for him, even more so now because you were going to be right beside him.

“How naïve was I though? I listened to them despite my best judgement.” He continued.

You lean back so you can see his face, you reach up and hold onto his chin forcing him to look at you, “Stop, listen to me, people love you, your fans adore you, some people are just blind.”

He leans forward taking your lips with his. You kiss him back with as much force as you can muster, he should believe you, you will make him believe this even if it takes you forever. You feel him relax into you and you smile into the kiss. He pulls back and smiles at you, your heart melting as he does.

“Shall we settle into bed?” He asks his thumb brushing the back of your neck.

Your eyes drift closed for a moment before you nod. His hands leave you for a moment before he takes your hand leading you to the bed. He settles onto the bed and beckons you to him. You grin as you slide in beside him. He pulls you to him and you rest you head on his chest your legs tangled with his.

You tilt your head to give him another kiss before you close your eyes and sigh contently.

“Good night darling.” He whispers wrapping you in his arms and kissing the top of your head.

That was the first night you slept with Benedict Cumberbatch.