Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Castiel sat on a slightly scratched up but solid stained black chair in one of the practice rooms on his floor. His back was straight, his cello stood between his legs, rested gently against his chest and the inside of his knees. He took a deep breath, and blew it out in a sigh. He’d been practicing for a few hours now, and his fingers ached, his arm was sore and it still wasn’t enough.

When you play the cello perfectly, Castiel, it’s like it’s singing to you and you make everyone see you like I do. If you want to succeed at Juilliard, if you want to be a professional then you just have to try harder, practice longer than anyone else. Be better than everyone else, otherwise it isn’t worth my time.

His mother’s words echoed in his ears as he prepared to start the piece over again.

And then Castiel closed his eyes; Everything other than his fingers as they danced along the fingerboard and the feeling of the bow as he pulled it back and forth across the strings ceased to exist. Deep, rich vibrations flowed into hauntingly high notes and Castiel surrendered himself to it.

He didn’t think about being better, or the best, or his mother, or any of it. When Castiel played his cello, it was the purest form of freedom for him; the only time he felt fully sure of himself.

He hardly noticed the door opening, or the fact that Balthazar had entered the practice room and reclined against the door frame. By then, Castiel was used to Balthazar walking in on him; they’d lived on the same floor for since they both started here and the last couple in the same suite, and Balthazar was one of the few people Castiel genuinely knew well despite the relatively small student body.

Castiel didn’t fully become aware of Balthazar’s presence until the last notes of his solo rang out and slowly melted into the silence of the room. A slight pause and then Balthazar clapped softly.

“Breathtaking as always Cassie.” Balthazar complemented genuinely, and Castiel shot him a glare; it’d been decent but nothing impressive as far as he was concerned.

“It’s still not perfect.” Castiel disagreed with a frown. “Something’s missing and I can’t put my finger on it.”

“Literally or figuratively?” Balthazar joked and Castiel rolled his eyes.

“What do you want, Balthazar?” Castiel asked impatiently.

“You need a break, Cassie.” Balthazar said and Castiel’s nose wrinkled up as he opened his mouth to disagree but Balthazar launched immediately into his argument before Castiel could object. “No, you do. You’re exhausted, darling, you’ve been cooped up in here all afternoon, and I have a treat for you.”

“What kind of treat?” Castiel asked as his curiosity won out over his need to continue his practicing.

“Oh, I only got us tickets to The Pit tonight.” Balthazar said airily as if The Pit wasn’t an insanely trendy club where extremely talented bands played very exclusive concerts to a small room full of wealthy patrons.

Then again, that last bit probably didn’t faze Balthazar in the slightest; His family was ridiculously well off. He’d grown up in the lap of luxury, and he knew it. The only reason he was even attending Juilliard was because his parents had made an obscenely large donation to the school.

Balthazar knew full well how he’d gotten into Juilliard, but he didn’t care because it meant he got to be around the best and the brightest young musicians and watch them shine, and sometimes, he got to practice with them, and that was a thing of real beauty.

“The Pit?” Castiel asked, brows raised, but no, he couldn’t, he really should practice more.

“Yup.” Balthazar replied with a pop on the p for emphasis.

“Who’s playing?” Castiel frowned because he hadn’t given permission for that question to slip out; it would only encourage Balthazar.

“Dunno. Some very famous rock band. You need to come. Hannah and Kevin are going as well.” Balthazar informed him, and Castiel shook his head slightly in denial, he had too much to do, even if Balthazar’s bright blue eyes were imploring.

“I can’t. I really need to focus tonight. My final performance of the semester with Michael is in a couple months. You know Michael and I are going to start working on it together in a few weeks and I need to get my own part right before we even try doing it on the one cello.” Castiel said seriously.

“Cassie, you always do your part just right. I’ve heard it with my own ears, and I can guarantee you it’s absolutely perfect. You have to come. Hannah and Kevin are coming too, and if I have an extra ticket you know Hester’s going to insist I bring her, and Cassie you can’t ask me to put up with that all night.” Balthazar’s voice was only just shy of whining and Castiel’s conviction wavered.

“But we have class tomorrow…” Castiel tried to salvage his failing determination.

“And I promise to get you home early enough to make them.” Balthazar told him and if he didn’t elaborate that he meant without sleep, well then, Castiel would figure it out himself, wouldn’t he?

Castiel and Balthazar locked eyes in an intense staring contest as Balthazar attempted to convince Castiel non-verbally and the last vestiges of Castiel’s will crumbled.

“Fine. But I’m not drinking tonight.” Castiel informed him and Balthazar grinned.

“Of course not. Why would I ever assume so?” Balthazar asked as his eyes crinkled and sparkled with delight.

It was contagious and Castiel allowed a small smile to grace his own face in return.

***

The ceiling was lined with tiny purple string lights which lent the room an ethereal quality that Castiel hadn’t expected from a place called The Pit. Dark cherry hardwood floors were polished to a mirror finish and in the middle of the intimate room stood a slightly elevated stage. The stage floor looked like some kind of glass, though it couldn’t have been, and little lights twinkled beneath it.

The stage was surrounded with an inner ring of five widespread black topped tables with four modern-looking chairs each, and those were flanked by a secondary ring of ten tables.

Of course Balthazar had spared no expense or his family’s connections were rather well placed, because they sat front and center. Castiel had gotten caught up in staring at the instruments that sat on the stage; a navy blue drum set, a large double keyboard, a gorgeous bass guitar that’s black finish faded to a bright purple in the center and up front, right next to the microphone a beautiful black Gibson Les Paul with blue and white detailing around the edge that almost made it look as if the guitar was glowing.

Castiel tuned back into what his friends were saying just before a hush fell over everyone while the band took their places on the stage. The house lights had been lowered leaving just the twinkling lights to silhouette the figures as they moved to their instruments. Grey smoke filled the stage, lighting up in wispy flashes.

As he waited for the show to start Castiel’s mind wandered a bit. He was positive that Michael was in a practice room right now perfecting his part of their piece. Regret for the lost practice time had him attempt to calculate exactly how early he could sneak out and get back to work. He needed to be at least as prepared as Michael, more. 

Then, the rap of drumsticks as they beat out a rhythm broke the quiet of the room, the lights came up in a flash like lightning and all thoughts of leaving fled Castiel’s mind instantly. Castiel sucked in a breath as his eyes caught on the lead singer; he was beautiful in tight, well worn, dark wash jeans, a plain black t-shirt and a black leather jacket.

His hair was a golden brown in the stage lights, but it was his eyes that really caught Castiel; they were a deep, verdant green that seemed to broadcast the singer’s emotions and Castiel couldn’t stop looking into them if he tried.

Even if the music turned out to be only mediocre, Castiel knew he would gladly spend the entire show staring into those smiling green eyes.

His eyes shifted though, as the first strains sang out from the electric guitar and Castiel became mesmerized by the flow of his fingers across strings. Castiel might love modern music but he’d always been disappointed by guitarists in rock bands.

Sure there were some amazing ones out there but they were few and far between. Most of them were more interested in putting on a show rather than playing great music but not this one; He coaxed the story from the strings, caressed them when the music slowed and made them cry out when the tempo picked up.

Castiel swallowed hard as he imagined those fingers coaxing sounds like that from a body; namely his. And all of that was before the guitarist even began to sing.

The second the singer’s eyes flicked to Castiel’s in the crowd, he opened his mouth and his rough, deep voice filled the room. Castiel’s lips parted in surprise; he was well and truly sunk. It was an odd sensation for Castiel, the warm feeling that had begun to suffuse his chest.

He wasn’t used to having crushes- is that what this is? A crush?- on celebrities. He’d never had occasion, but here he was, inconceivably finding himself attracted to the lead singer of a band like some hormonal teenage girl.

Castiel briefly wondered if the intensity of his reaction was a side effect of his strict upbringing. Maybe if he’d had a more normal childhood and adolescence, less focused, he wouldn’t be sitting there half-hard just from the awesome combination of the guy’s looks, talent and voice.

The song was one Castiel recognized, he'd frequently heard it on the radio. He'd even played around a bit to see if he could come up with a decent arrangement for the cello but that was before he'd been assigned to do his final with Michael.

Through the entire set, Castiel sat in awe, his eyes never left the stage, though they did wander to the other band members a few times: A pretty blonde woman played the bass guitar, and a beautiful red-headed woman’s fingers flew over the keyboard with an intensity that seemed effortless, a man with shaggy brown hair and dancing eyes meticulously worked the drums and it all came together perfectly with the lead singer’s electric guitar and voice.

Castiel was drawn into the music, and he barely moved as he listened; stared. Balthazar’s eyes bored into the side of his face, but Castiel ignored him in favor of keeping his attention on the band.

Finally, Balthazar gave up his attempt to subtly get Castiel’s attention and just leaned into his space, right up next to his ear.

“His name is Dean Winchester, in case you’re wondering the name of the man you’re undressing with your eyes, darling.” Balthazar told him just loudly enough for Castiel to hear him over the music, the amusement in Balthazar’s voice was clear as day and Castiel tore his attention away from the stage long enough to glare at him.

Balthazar threw his head back with a soft chuckle and Castiel turned his attention back to Dean. Castiel looked down again when Balthazar pushed a flyer in front of him. It featured a picture of the band that didn’t come close to doing them justice and Balthazar poked the bold lettering that splashed over the picture proclaiming them ‘My Own Volition’.

I wonder if Dean picked the name, or maybe they all came up with it? I wonder why My Own Volition? Do they mean it in the sense that they’re exercising agency over themselves? Essentially declaring their free will? Or maybe they just thought it sounded cool? Wow, getting a little deep here aren’t I? Just because he’s drop dead gorgeous and talented, I’m suddenly interested in the minutiae of his band’s history? What the hell?

Castiel could almost hear his mother’s voice in his head; No distractions, Castiel. You don’t have time for foolish nonsense like dating, you have much more prestigious pursuits to consider. Don’t waste your talent for instant gratification.

Castiel sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly as the band finished up their last song. A quick glance at his watch told him it was already fairly late, and he thought about telling his friends that he needed to get back, but just as he opened his mouth to speak the lights flashed like lightning once again and the room went briefly black before they came back on and the band had melted back into the shadows off-stage. 

There was a loud round of clapping, and then pre-recorded music kicked on and the room took on the atmosphere of any regular club. A young waitress walked by and Balthazar snagged her attention to order a round of shots for everyone.

Castiel rolled his eyes when the waitress set a shot of purple liquid in front of him and Balthazar turned to grin at him.

“I’m not drinking that, Balthazar.” Castiel informed him stiffly, nose wrinkled slightly. “I don’t even know what’s in it.”

“That’s half the fun, Cassie!” Balthazar exclaimed then Hannah and even Kevin laughed before they tossed back their shots with a whoop.

Castiel's eyes narrowed as he slid the shot over to Balthazar. Balthazar shrugged and downed it before he slammed the empty glass back onto the table with a grin.

“Liven up a little! You look like a statue. We’re here to have fun.” Hannah reminded Castiel from her seat on his other side.

Castiel generally liked Hannah; she was dedicated, loyal and she didn't tend to push his boundaries.

Well, aside from the awkwardness that time she'd admitted to having feelings for him and he’d had to gently remind her he was dedicated to his music and had no time for distractions.

“Balthazar, how much longer do you plan on staying? The show’s over.” Castiel complained.

“Oh I don’t know, Cassie, another round or ten of shots should do.” Balthazar teased and Castiel slumped in his seat, as much as his lifetime of good posture training allowed anyway, sandwiched between friends he knew would only get more drunk as the night wore on.

There was nothing worse than being the only sober person in a group of drunks but there was absolutely no way Castiel would risk a hangover; he’d already lost too much practice time for this little excursion.

***

“C’mon Sammy! Jess is waiting out there for you and I gotta start checkin’ out the goods if I’m gonna get laid tonight.” Dean said with a wink.  “Damn lights were too bright. Half the fun of playing these smaller gigs is being able to actually see the people that’re ready to throw themselves at me.”

Dean flashed a cocky grin at his bandmates before he knocked back another post gig celebration shot.

They’d been back in the small dressing room for their traditional drinks nearly twenty minutes and Dean was antsy.

Of course it didn’t help that Jo and Charlie had spent ten of those minutes making out. Not that Dean minded entirely but he was ready to get some action of his own and Sam was dragging his feet.

Unlike Dean, Sam hated making his way through the crowd of groping drunk fans since he was happily taken. Lucky for him Jess was way more understanding than most partners would be and she understood that it just came with the territory.

Dean pushed Sam through the door that led back into the club and Sam visibly relaxed when there wasn’t the usual crowd of people clamoring for their attention.

Dean chalked it up to this being an exclusive performance. The higher ticket price had drawn a slightly more restrained crowd. There was a small increase in noise level when the tables nearest noticed as the band filed through the door but other than that their presence went mostly unnoticed and the foursome made their way around the back of the stage toward the VIP tables where Jess and Benny were waiting.

While they walked Dean scanned the tables closest to the stage. He’d found he had a preference for the higher paying ticket holders since they tended to lean toward the more mature and didn’t seem to have the same hang ups some of the younger groupies did about leaving once everyone’d gotten what they wanted.

When someone caught his eye it wasn’t in the way he expected but he couldn't help the grin that split his face as he noticed the table of younger rowdy looking people who sat front and center.

It wasn’t the obviously drunk pretty people that drew his attention though; it was the terribly awkward looking guy sitting stick straight in the middle that looked about done with the two people who were drunkenly hanging off him on either side. Dean watched as a blush coursed over the guy’s skin after the cute brunette nipped at his ear playfully. Oh this was too fun to pass up, getting laid would have to wait.

“Hey Sam, I’ll be over in just a minute.” Dean called as he branched off from the group and made his way around the stage.

He stopped a couple of times for autographs to make sure it didn’t look like he was making a beeline towards the table he had his eye on.

By the time he made it there, the brunette was practically in the sober looking dude’s lap, while he steadfastly tried to ignore her in favor of glaring at the guy in the deep v-neck on his right.

“Hey guys, how’d you like the show?”

***

Castiel was miserable. He’d forgotten why he avoided alcohol and some of his friends in any combination but now he remembered very clearly.

It was bad enough when Hannah had decided to actually bite his ear while she whispered to him but then Balthazar had to go and encourage her. He'd even gone so far as to hang off of Castiel's other shoulder so that Castiel couldn’t move away if he tried.

And now Hannah was getting decidedly too handsy. When Castiel grabbed her wandering hand from slipping any further south than his stomach she’d only taken it as encouragement and draped her leg over his lap while her other hand carded through his hair.

What did Balthazar do when Castiel asked him to move so he could get up? He scooted in closer and laid a hand over Hannah’s ankle which effectively locked Castiel in place.

Castiel knew Balthazar meant well; he constantly encouraged Castiel to just get laid already, but that didn’t stop him from leveling Balthazar with a withering glare.

Thanks to the fact he was so focused on controlling his impulse to strangle Balthazar, Castiel didn’t notice the new presence at the table right away. What eventually drew his attention was the sudden quiet.

He looked away from Balthazar and found his view obscured by well fitting jeans that left little to the imagination. Castiel's eyes travelled up over the black material that covered the firm stomach and chest he had admired not so long ago, over plush lips and up to those frankly stunning eyes, which thankfully were focused on Hannah and Kevin at the moment.

Castiel could only imagine what he looked like as he took in the sight before him. He could feel how wide his eyes were and the fact that his lips were parted but couldn’t, for the life of him, school his face. At least not until a soft chuckle came from his right.

He finally tore his eyes away to glance at Balthazar who smirked in his direction. Mercifully, Hannah found herself distracted and slid her leg off of Castiel which allowed him to compose himself a bit, though he knew he still had the same stupid wide-eyed expression plastered on his face.

Why he was suddenly so unable to call on his usual composure, Castiel had no idea. It took a moment for him to realize that his friends were talking.

“You guys are so amazing! I’ve heard all your stuff before but hearing you play in person is even better!” Kevin exclaimed enthusiastically.

Castiel’s brows shot up in surprise at the excitement in Kevin’s voice. Like Castiel, Kevin had been raised to be very composed and proper at all times so to hear him gushing like that was fairly out of character but Castiel chalked it up to the amount of alcohol Kevin had consumed.

“Of course they’re better in person! The view is certainly much better.” Hannah replied with a calculatively shy smile.

Castiel should feel relieved that Hannah was flirting with someone else, so why did it bother him so much?

“Careful sweetheart, I don’t want your boyfriend threatening to kick my ass!” Dean teased as he flashed a wink in Castiel’s direction, barely even acknowledging him

“I’m not her boyfriend.” Castiel replied gruffly.

Castiel was surprised by the adamancy in his own voice but thankfully no one else noticed, well no one except Balthazar, whose stare had yet to waver from Castiel.

“So, anyone got a pen for some autographs?” Dean asked, changing the subject.

There was a sudden flurry of activity to Castiel’s left as Hannah and Kevin scrambled for pen and paper. As Dean signed, the two of them continued to vapidly praise the performance. Even Balthazar slid a napkin over for an autograph. Then Dean turned to Castiel.

“And what about you? Nothing for me to sign? Not a fan? Or were you hoping I’d sign something more interesting, like a body part?”

Castiel flushed under the suggestive smirk that Dean sent his way. Castiel really wished he’d quit that, or maybe do it somewhere where they’d have a little more privacy.

Wait- what?

“Oh hey, Cassie, why not the strings you picked up on the way over?” Balthazar offered and Castiel became aware of Balthazar rifling through his bag on the seat behind them but he wasn’t quick enough to snatch it away and Balthazar slid the box of strings across the table. “Cassie is quite the musician himself, you know.”

“Oh yeah, Cassie? Is that true?” Dean spoke while he looked down at the package he signed. “I once dated a girl named Cassie. Huh, I don’t recognize this brand of guitar strings.”

“It’s Castiel.” Castiel replied as he glared at Balthazar before he looked back at Dean. “And they aren’t guitar strings, they’re cello strings. That’s probably why you don’t recognize them...”

Castiel’s voice trailed off when he noted a change in Dean’s eyes. They’d gone from smiling to barely suppressed mirth. Balthazar didn’t seem to notice the change though and continued speaking.

“Cassie here is probably one of the best cellists in the city, maybe even the country.” Balthazar boasted on his behalf and Castiel wanted to tell him to shut up but he found himself pinned by laughing green eyes.

Something unpleasant started to build in his gut. Castiel's suspicions were confirmed when Dean opened his mouth.

“Ahh, that’s why he looks so awkward. What’s a little classical geek doing at a big bad rock concert?” The smirk on Dean’s face caused Castiel to speak through gritted teeth when he replied.

“I happen to have an eclectic taste in music.”

Balthazar seemed completely oblivious to the tension that radiated off of Castiel as he rushed forward.

“He doesn’t just play the classics, he does really amazing modern music covers too. He arranges most of them himself as well.” Balthazar said animatedly.

“Yeah? I bet Mommy’s real proud of her little angel.” Dean’s words and the laughter that followed made Castiel’s stomach positively churn.

Dean handed the pen back to Hannah before he turned and walked away, his laughter trailing behind him.

“Let me out, Balthazar.” Castiel demanded after a moment.

“Castiel, don’t let that jerk bother you.” Balthazar implored and the sympathy in Balthazar’s eyes tipped Castiel over the edge, frustrated that Balthazar chose then to stop being oblivious.

“I’m not, I’ve just been here too long. I’ve wasted all this time that I could have been practicing for this stupid concert. I just want to go home so I can be well rested enough to make up for it in the morning. Please. Move.”

Castiel’s tone made the last two words anything but a request and Balthazar wisely slid out of the way. He waited until Castiel stood up before he spoke again.

“At least let me get you a cab.” His voice was soft, the drunken rowdiness gone and it settled like a guilty weight in Castiel’s stomach.

“It’s fine Balthazar, I could do with a walk.” Castiel sighed at Balthazar’s crestfallen face and then pulled him in for a hug. “I’ll be fine. I had fun, thanks for dragging me out.”

Castiel quickly said his goodbyes to Hannah and Kevin, who were too busy drunkenly whispering about their celebrity encounter to have noticed anything amiss.

As he turned to leave his eyes landed on the box of strings still sitting on the table. He really wanted to leave them behind, but he was down to his last set and didn’t want to risk missing any more practice if he were to break a string.

He grabbed the package, then stuffed it into his bag before he turned and made his way out of the club.

As he walked outside in the cool night air Castiel was able to clear his head a bit. He was pissed that he let some asshole egomaniac get to him. The truth was Dean Winchester couldn’t have been more wrong.

If Castiel’s mother knew he’d spent his evening there, listening to that kind of music, she wouldn’t have been proud, she’d have been furious. Nevermind the amount of time he spent arranging and playing the more modern music that he loved.

Of course Castiel loved the classics. He loved the feeling of pride when he managed to perfect each difficult note. He loved the stories that they told of a time centuries before he was born. He got just as lost in the music when he played Beethoven as he did when he played Bon Jovi. But the classics didn’t get his pulse racing or his mind running like he was on speed the way a good rock song did.

He’d once tried to explain to his mother that even at a school like Juilliard they’d begun to see the merit in modern day music. Gone were the days of teachers looking down their noses at students who bucked the normal compositions.

Sure, they were still expected to learn the classics and play them just as beautifully but it was becoming so much more.

Castiel felt only slightly calmer by the time he reached the dorms. He moved quietly through the suite, he didn't want to wake anyone who might already be asleep.

He popped into the bathroom to get ready for bed and let his nightly rituals push away any more errant thoughts. He tried not to focus on the way he still felt tied up in knots, tried to clear his mind so that he could get to sleep but he wasn't quite successful at it.

When he got to his room he ran his fingers longingly over the strings of his practice instrument. It would go a long way to soothe his mind if he could play but it would mean possibly waking his suitemates and the last thing he wanted was for Hester to come charging in to rant again about not being invited to go along tonight. She’d been furious with Balthazar for not getting her a ticket too.

Instead Castiel changed out of his clothes and into his comfortable pajama pants before he slid into his bed. He ran through the notes of different pieces in his head, visualized them behind his closed eyelids before he drifted off.

Usually that method was effective at helping him clear his mind and sleep. So why, just as he slipped into the blackness, did he instead see laughing green eyes?

Chapter Text

Bright green eyes. Skin. So much golden skin; bare, sweat-slick. Freckles like dust in a beam of sunlight and Castiel’s hands slid hotly over them. A tongue trailed slowly over his bottom lip, and Castiel gasped for air. So good. God. He licked into Castiel's mouth and the brush of their tongues was fire and heat and longing so intense that Castiel shook from it.

Teeth nipped at his bottom lip and Castiel groaned; pleasure-pain-arousal-need pulsed through his veins rapid-fire, left him breathless. Tight, wet, heat. Everywhere and Castiel cried out. Lips curved in a smirk and green eyes-

Green eyes stared at him. Taunted him. And Castiel ached-moaned-begged. Please. Please. De-

Suddenly, Castiel woke, entirely unrested and entirely hard. Evidently Dean being a total asshole wasn’t enough to detract from how mesmerizingly beautiful he’d been on stage last night. Un-fucking-fair.

Briefly, Castiel debated which was the more pressing need: a shower, his usual morning warm up or jerking off. He could in theory combine two of those but since about half of his suite-mates had absolutely no problems with popping the lock on the door to the bathroom and letting themselves in, he nixed that thought immediately.

He’d prefer to warm up but he’d found that the pressure of his instrument against his... other instrument was never helpful when he was trying to let his erection go away on its own.

Choice essentially made, he yanked open the drawer of his nightstand to fish around for lube and tissues before he settled back and had what was likely the angriest jerk-off session he’d ever had.

Dean’s lips on his neck, his hand wrapped around Castiel’s cock, grip firm as he stroked up and down it's length. His thumb brushed over the head of Castiel’s cock and Castiel arched his back into the touch, his hips stuttered as pleasure tightened in his gut and he stared up into those fucking unreal green eyes as he came hard, spilled over Dean’s hand and painted both their chests with his release.

The only thing worse than the fact that he’d pictured Dean the whole time was the fact that he got off in record time.

Castiel cleaned up and made a quick trip to the bathroom before he headed back to his room and more importantly his cello. He sat down with every intention to run through his usual scales before he’d pick some quiet piece to get him off on the right track while still being kind to his suite-mates but, frankly, he was still pissed about last night and no less frustrated after the solo action.

And if anyone said it was because he wished it had been some other person’s hands playing him like a finely tuned instrument, Castiel would have gladly wrapped a metal string around their neck and squeezed.

So maybe he felt a little vindictive when his bow hit the strings and that might have been why instead of channeling Mozart it was AC/DC that flowed out. Sure, when he ripped the first notes of Back in Black from his instrument, his lips may have curled into a small smile but that was purely because of the joy music brought him and wasn't at all due to the fact that Balthazar would suffer the brunt of the noise because his room was the only one that shared a wall with Castiel's.

He’d only made it about halfway through the piece when the banging on his wall started. By the time it moved to his door, Castiel barely kept back his righteous laughter.

“Castiel Novak so help me...stop right now or I’ll come in and make you!” Balthazar’s irritation was a salve to Castiel’s own.

He could practically hear the hangover in Balthazar's voice. Castiel didn’t even pause in his playing; Balthazar let out a loud sound of exasperation and then Castiel did laugh.

When Balthazar made the most depressingly pitiful whine that he’d ever heard, Castiel finally relented.

“Okay, okay. I guess you’ve suffered enough.” Castiel said as he propped his cello up against his desk before he made his way over to let Balthazar in.

“What terrible thing did I do last night to deserve this?” Balthazar mumbled as he walked into the room and threw himself dismally onto Castiel’s bed. “I vaguely remember the band playing and then it's all jumbled. I think I might’ve made out with Hannah… or maybe it was Kevin. Honestly, it could've been a stranger, I don't really recall the details.”

Without sympathy, Castiel rolled his eyes, though he resisted the urge to laugh at Balthazar's predictable behavior. It was hard to stay irritated at someone who looked so thoroughly destroyed. Even if he had brought it on himself.

“It's fine. You just inadvertently made me an easy target for the lead singer. I'm being a bit petty.” Castiel admitted and Balthazar just barely lifted his head, his eyes open the tiniest bit to take a bleary peak at Castiel’s face in an attempt to judge his emotional state.

“What did he say? Do I need to track down the wanker and kick his bloody arse?” Balthazar grumbled without managing to sound the least bit intimidating.

It was difficult to sound threatening when a person was so blatantly incapable of following through. Balthazar had barely shuffled into his room and flopped onto the bed; he wouldn't be able to kick anyone's ass for quite some time.

“Nothing. Forget about it. And no. Definitely not. I just want to practice a bit before class. I suppose I'll be kind though, and do it in a practice room so you can sleep off your hangover.” Castiel offered generously.

“The pounding in my skull thanks you.” Balthazar said through a yawn, as he dropped his head back onto the pillow and closed his eyes again.

“Tell it you’re welcome.” Castiel smirked. “Are you planning to go back to your own room?”

“You honestly expect me to move myself right now?” Balthazar asked incredulously, eyes still firmly shut against the light.

“Fine. Just lock the door when you go.” Castiel said before he grabbed his cello and headed for the practice rooms.

***

Eyes greener than grass burned dark with desire and Castiel couldn’t breathe. He wanted- needed- those eyes to stare into his as their skin slipped slickly together. Dean groaned as Castiel thrust into him hard, panted as Castiel sucked a mark into the side of his neck, just under his ear. Pressure-heat-lust-pleasure; Castiel was consumed. Hands ran roughly along his back, gripped his ass and pulled him forward to slam in harder. Fuck, it was so much better than anything he’d ever imagined. Slick, hot, perfect. So close. He was- he was-

Castiel woke with a frustrated moan. Again. It had happened a-fucking-gain. For the ninth time in as many damn days, he’d woken hard and wanting and he was so damn angry with himself that he didn’t even bother jerking off this time.

Dissatisfied, he ran an irritated hand through his hair and blew out a breath. Rolled out of bed, snatched up his towel and shower stuff and then stormed out of his room, headed to the bathroom.

He held his towel in front of his tented pants for modesty’s sake when he passed Kevin and Balthazar, who were sprawled on the couch watching tv. Neither of them dared to speak after Castiel leveled them with a deadly glare.

Once he got situated in the bathroom Castiel set the water to the coldest he thought he could stand. Still, he was unprepared for the sharp bite of it when he stepped under the spray and he let out an angry hiss.

It did the trick though and the remainder of his body’s betrayal quickly faded. Unfortunately, it did little to improve his mood; his thoughts were scattered and he didn't know how to calm them. His attempt to refrain from thinking about green eyes and tanned skin had taken up most of his mental prowess that morning.

Which is why he blamed the fact that he’d neglected to bring his clothes with him in his hurry to deal with his uncomfortable situation, on Dean. Of course, it was completely reasonable to blame a man he met once, over a fucking week ago, for why he forgot his clothing. That didn’t sound at all insane. 

Momentarily, he contemplated putting his dirty pants back on but one look at the damp spot in the crotch changed his mind. Castiel cursed as he wrapped his towel around his waist.

“Well hello Cassie, what a-”

“Shut up.” Castiel punctuated his statement with the slam of his door.

He turned the lock before he headed to his dresser and grabbed a pair of boxers. Then hopped toward his cello while he pulled them on. Settled onto the stool as he retrieved his instrument, rested it against his bare skin and willed it’s familiar vibrations to soothe nerves.

Two hours went by as Castiel played through every hard rock song in his repertoire. One after another without pause, like that might stop his mind from rushing or burn off the excess energy that buzzed under his skin. It’d always worked before, and yet, as the final notes of an Iron Maiden song faded he still didn’t feel much better.

This was ridiculous. Why, why,  was he so hung up on a guy who'd been nothing but an ass to him? Castiel didn't understand why the only thing that normally washed all his thoughts away and centered him was doing precious little for him right then.

He couldn't keep his temper in check and he was acting pathetically like a kid throwing a tantrum and the worst part was he didn't know why.

What the hell was so special about Dean that his subconscious had locked onto him? Castiel didn't know and didn't want to waste another damn minute thinking about him or dealing with the snarled web of emotions he’d been living with as a result of his dreams.

Dreams that had woken him increasingly early and kept him from restful sleep. He was tired,  irritable, angry, annoyed and he had no outlet.

So, it was no surprise that when a timid knock sounded on the door Castiel’s first instinct was to yell, “Fuck off.”

The next knock that came was certainly more confident, as was the voice that filtered through the door.

“Now, Cassie, that wasn’t very nice. Poor Kevin is beside himself and all because he was trying to do me a favor. Let me in so I can discuss our plans for the day with you like a gentleman, rather than through the door. We’re not barbarians here.”

“My only plans for today are to practice until lunch and then practice some more until dinner. And to finish off the night, I think I’ll practice some more. Now since I’m sure Kevin told you exactly what I said you can kindly follow the same instructions.”

“Oh bloody hell, forget that.” Balthazar said as he picked the lock and opened the door before Castiel could even stand up.

Castiel quirked a brow at Balthazar, “I’ll never understand why someone as loaded as you needed to learn how to do that.”

“Had to get into Father’s liquor cabinet somehow.” Balthazar smirked.

With purposeful strides, Balthazar walked over to where Castiel’s cello case was lying and picked it up to set it on the bed. Then he reached over and grasped the cello around the finger board before tugging it from Castiel’s hands. Castiel watched as he settled the cello into it’s case but when Balthazar reached for the bow in Castiel’s hands, Castiel pulled it away.

“What exactly is it that you’re doing, Balthazar?” Castiel asked, unamused.

“We’re getting out of here. C’mon, Cassie.” Castiel hated it when Balthazar whined like that, it usually meant that he wasn’t giving in until he got his way. “You haven’t left the grounds in a week. It’s Saturday and it’s gorgeous out. Let’s go down to the park and get a little foursome going. Hannah and Kevin are all ready to go.”

Castiel sighed irritably, “Why can’t you call it a quartet like a normal person?”

“Whatever gave you the idea that I’m normal? You should know better after all these years Cassie. You’ve been in a hell of a mood this week and frankly we’re all tired of it. We miss our happy little overachiever. I don’t think I’ve even seen you smile once while you’re playing. That certainly isn’t like you.” Balthazar informed him.

Castiel finally let the tension slide from his shoulders, settled the hand holding his bow in his lap.

He knew he was being an asshole to his friends and he knew they didn’t deserve it. Quickly, he made up his mind that a distraction would be good, and Castiel handed off the bow to Balthazar before he stood and and moved to his dresser.

“You’re right. A break might do some good.” Castiel admitted with a glance over his shoulder at Balthazar’s self-satisfied grin. “Just let me get dressed.”

Then he paused and waited for Balthazar to shut the case and leave the room before he pulled out his clothes.

Castiel took a moment and carefully chose what he wanted to wear; In the end he decided on a pair of nice dark wash jeans, a crisp white fitted button up with grey pinstripes and a dark grey waistcoat.

He got dressed and studied his reflection in the mirror that hung on the back of his door as he threaded a wide black belt through the loops on his jeans.

Castiel knew he was overdressed, but he just couldn't bring himself to break the habit of dressing up whenever he played in public. His mother would probably have frowned upon his choice of jeans, but it was a small act of rebellion that he allowed himself.

When Castiel exited his room Hannah, Kevin and Balthazar were all huddled near the door where they looked for all the world like they were plotting out a battle plan.

That was what he’d caused his friends to do with his poor mood. Guilt pierced his chest before Castiel squared off his shoulders and forced himself to smile for the first time in too long.

“I thought we were heading over to the park to play, not to a funeral. Cheer up guys!” Castiel said warmly.

Effortlessly, Castiel grabbed the handle of his case and headed for the door. While his friends scrambled to follow behind him, surprised looks passed between them.

They swung into the dining hall to grab coffee and something to eat on the way. At which time, Balthazar insisted on calling for a car, of course, and Castiel took the opportunity to tease him about not getting enough exercise.

Normally Balthazar would’ve had a witty comeback but he was just too pleased at the change in Castiel’s mood to bother.

The foursome, damn it Balthazar just call it a quartet, were dropped off right near their favorite spot.

It was the only area in the park that had a decent amount of foot traffic but still had enough benches huddled together out of the way that they didn’t need to carry their own chairs too. They’d just started to warm up when a familiar voice rang out through the small crowd that had begun to gather.

“Well, look who it is! My very favorite second best cellist and his friends.”

Castiel didn’t even have to look up to know that it was Michael who was weaving through the crowd and as sure as the sky is blue, he had his own instrument in his hand.

“Sod off Michael, we were here first, fair and square. We’ve already got the best cellist in town there’s no room for you.” Balthazar replied with a flippant smile.

“Big talk Balthazar.” Michael goaded with a grin as he came to a stop in front of Castiel before he set his case down.

Castiel’s eyes travelled up Michael's body, from his well defined thighs, encased in tight, dark denim, over his fitted dark grey T-shirt that accented the muscled chest and shoulders beneath, caught on full pink lips, before they finally rested on hazel green eyes that smirked at him knowingly.

His hair was perfect, black, short on the sides, long on top, and his bangs swept diagonally across his forehead in a way that made Castiel want to brush them to the side. He steadfastly ignored that urge, though.

Michael reached out and slid his fingers down the strings of Castiel’s cello before he came to a stop on the bow with his fingers rested against the strings. He wrapped his hand around it and gently pulled the bow from Castiel’s grip. Showing off, as usual, Michael made a spectacle of examining it as he spoke to Castiel.

“But that does give me an idea. I want the spot; you want me to leave.” There was a glint of mischief in Michael’s eyes and Castiel already knew what was coming. Fire sparked low in Castiel’s belly. “Play me for it Castiel. Winner gets the spot, unless…” Michael lifted the bow up and gently ran the soft wood against Castiel’s neck. “You want to throw in some higher stakes to make it interesting.”

Goosebumps sprang up on his skin, but Castiel pushed the bow away. He knew this dance well. They’d been doing it ever since they started the same year and realized they were each other’s only real competition.

Hardly mattered if they were playing against each other for lead cello or if they were working in tandem on an assigned duet, the need to be better was always there.

The fact of the matter was that Castiel was just better than Michael, so Michael always resorted to these challenges and flirtations in an effort to throw Castiel off his game. But it wouldn’t work, never did.

“Spot’s good enough. I can outplay you any time, any where, and you know it Michael. Hell, I’ll even let you pick the song. Pick whatever you want and I’ll still make you my little bitch. You know I will.” Castiel challenged, lips upturned in a small smirk, glimmer of certainty in his eyes.

He wished he had that kind of confidence all the time. It would’ve certainly been handy after a particular concert last week. But it only seemed to flare to life when there was a challenge on the board.

Michael laughed, he clearly enjoyed the game. Then he leaned forward and spoke low enough that only Castiel could hear him.

“Generally I prefer to do the fucking so I’m pretty sure I’d make you my bitch.”

The fact that Castiel couldn’t hold back the blush that stained his cheeks only made him want to win that much more.

With a grin, Michael straightened up before he handed the bow back to Castiel and moved to open his own case. He pulled out his bow and cello and sat on the end of the bench nearest Castiel.

In turn Castiel shifted to the end of his bench in order to face Michael, which left only a little more than a foot between the endpins of their cellos.

“So Castiel, what do you say to a little Smooth Criminal.” Michael asked with a flirtatious wink.

Castiel’s smirk turned into a full grin. Michael didn’t know it yet but he’d already been beat.

(x)

At Michael's nod to him, they both started to play, like they’d practiced it together a hundred times though they’d never done this particular song with one another before. That often happened with him and Michael. After so many years of frequently being partnered, they could easily read each other.

Seamlessly, Castiel let go and relaxed into the music, let his fingers, arms and shoulders flow over well loved notes. In a quick motion, Castiel’s head snapped up when he felt Michael’s eyes on him, and their gazes locked, part challenge, part desire, at least Castiel knew that’s what his own gaze held.

Michael smirked widely when he noticed Castiel’s intense stare, just edged with hunger. And fuck he was hot like that, when he got so intense it was like he saw straight through Michael and there was something about the way Castiel moved when he played the cello that made Michael wonder how Castiel would look moving under him.

The moment stretched taut between them as they fought for the upper hand.

***

Without any real purpose, Dean had been wandering through the park for a while when a crowd that’d formed around some benches snagged his attention. He tugged his cap lower on his head and pushed his sunglasses up as his curiosity got the best of him and he walked over to see what was happening.

The last thing he wanted was to be recognized and spend the next half hour or more signing autographs. He'd had a long week, and he just wanted to go for a walk in the park; get a little alone time, but as he got closer, faint strains of music picked up and became increasingly louder, deeper, and he instantly recognized the song; Smooth Criminal.

Okay, that got Dean really frickin’ curious because he’d never heard it played quite like that and whoever was playing it was good. Really fuckin’ good.

Dean suddenly wanted to see who the hell was playing, figured maybe he’d drop a couple bills in the guy’s case. Support a fellow musician and all that. Heck, he felt downright charitable. It had very little at all to do with the fact that he wanted to see if the person who was playing so passionately was as tempting as their music was.

While the song picked up in intensity, Dean weaved through the crowd until he broke through near the front, and his lips parted at the sight before him.

That guy from the concert at The Pit last week, what was his name? Cassie? No, wait, Castiel. Castiel was sitting on the edge of the bench, cello between his legs, completely lost in the music and he was fucking hot. How the hell was that even the same guy? It was like night and day compared to last week.

Directly across from him was another fucking good-looking guy with a cello, and the tension that radiated between the two of them as their fingers and bows damn near flew over the strings was palpable. Castiel’s insanely blue eyes were locked onto the other guy’s and how could Dean have missed the intensity in those shockingly bright eyes last week?

Sure, Dean was constantly surrounded by beautiful, available people, but even he couldn’t have missed the heat in those eyes, could he? Castiel had just looked like any other awkward band nerd, but now? Jesus.

Castiel was staring at the other cellist like he wanted to fuck him and the guy was looking back at him just as seductively and suddenly Dean felt a flash of jealousy. He wanted to be on that other bench as Castiel stared at him like that. While he looked at Castiel like that. He could practically picture the scene in his head; Castiel there with his cello, Dean on the other bench with his acoustic guitar and those fucking perfect blue eyes staring into his like Castiel wanted to devour him.

Fuck. Dean really oughta stop imagining that or he was gonna give himself a boner in the middle of the crowd, but damn if it wasn’t hard to get the image out of his head.

Dean Winchester hadn’t regretted a lot of things in his life. He hadn’t gotten this far living on regrets, but right now? He definitely regretted that he’d been a dick.

Because if there was one thing Dean knew for certain: It was that he wanted Castiel. Biblically. Possibly musically too. Fuck, how hot would it be to get Castiel to collaborate on something with him? Because Castiel doing this in the middle of a power ballad? It’d be pretty frickin’ sweet.

Dean wanted to interrupt, wanted to get Castiel’s attention, but he held off. He already had one bad impression under his belt. There was no way he’d get anything out of Castiel if he started this off on the wrong foot too.

Chapter Text

The last strains of the song tapered off and then Castiel laid his cello in it’s case and grinned as he stood up because he knew he’d played it better than Michael. Michael’s lopsided grin as he did the same told Castiel he knew it too.

Both of them were covered in a fine sheen of sweat thanks to the unusually warm weather and their fervent playing.

“Alright, you got me.” Michael laughed as he closed the distance between them and wiped away the hair stuck to Castiel’s sweaty forehead.

Castiel’s eyes widened slightly at the contact, and he blamed the flush in his cheeks on the heat as he tried to will away his body’s reaction to Michael’s proximity. He reminded himself for the thousandth time that Michael wasn’t seriously interested in him, it was just teasing, and even if he was interested, Castiel didn’t have the time for that sort of relationship.

“You put up a good fight though.” Castiel said softly and he didn’t miss the way Michael’s eyes tracked the movement when he licked his parched lips.

“Guess I’ll leave you guys to it then.” Michael conceded. “I can’t wait to start working on our final project with you.”

“Me too.” Castiel agreed. “I’m sure it’ll be great.”

Michael grinned at him and picked up his cello case.

“See ya later, Castiel. Guys.” Michael said with a lazy salute.

Castiel nodded to him and turned back to his friends with a smile. He’d gotten pretty heated under the unusually warm fall sun while he played and it was too hot to keep his waistcoat on, he was still sweaty and slightly uncomfortable.

Dean watched as Castiel unbuttoned his vest with strong fingers and slipped it off his shoulders. He probably didn’t mean it to be, but holy hell, the way Castiel did it was sexy as fuck and Dean’s body reacted predictably. Thank Christ he’d worn jeans and a loose t-shirt or this situation would’ve been a lot more awkward.

Castiel tossed his waistcoat back onto the bench and his friends congratulated him.

“You were amazing, Cassie.” Balthazar complemented happily, he was glad to see Castiel’s attitude finally improve.

Widely, Castiel smiled at Balthazar and shrugged a modest shoulder, but he felt miles better than he had that morning. He finally felt like himself again, and it was a relief. Turned out all he’d really needed to get back on track was some perspective, and maybe Michael’s flirting had played a hand, but he didn’t need to tell anyone else that.

Castiel’s relief was short lived when the crowd dissipated a little and his eyes landed on a figure that was approaching them. Despite the fact he’d only seen him once, Castiel would’ve recognized that body, that swagger anywhere. He’d been dreaming about it for over a week afterall. He didn’t even need to see the green eyes hidden behind those sunglasses to know that Dean Winchester was walking over to him. Fucking great.

“Well, look at that. Mommy’s angel can fuckin' play. Who knew?” Dean asked as he approached and as soon as the words left his mouth he wanted to punch himself.

What the hell kind of opening was that, Winchester? What happened to getting off on the right foot? Fuck. I screwed it up already.

Castiel’s head tilted quizzically and he shrugged but didn’t respond.

“Seriously, that was amazing. Listen, I know we got off on the wrong foot a couple weeks ago and I was a bit of a jerk, but I’d really love to take you out for a drink sometime. What do you think?” Dean asked and Castiel’s brows raised in surprise because that was the last thing he’d expected to come out of Dean’s mouth.

“I think that you’re the kind of asshole I’d never date, so no, I don’t think I’ll be accepting your offer. Thanks though.” Castiel replied dryly.

He’d spent way too much time angry and irritable thanks to Dean. No way was he about to give the guy another chance to make him feel like crap. So what if he’d woken up every day for the last week and a half from very, very explicit dreams about the man in front of him? That didn’t even factor in for Castiel. At all, he tried valiantly to remind his body when Dean’s gaze stayed locked on his.

Dean stared for a moment, lips parted once again in shock as he tried to process the rejection. Dean Winchester did not get rejected. Why the fuck is that making me want him more?

“He said no, now piss off. We have music to play.” Balthazar interjected haughtily.

Dean’s eyes flicked to Balthazar’s and then back to Castiel’s carefully blank expression. Dean schooled his own face and didn’t show his disappointment. He made a calculated decision to let it go for now.

“Okay, uh...” Dean muttered as he turned to walk away. “See ya around, I guess.”

***

Monday had dragged for Castiel, he’d spent the weekend feeling considerably better than he had the entire week prior, even after his little run in with Dean. Or possibly because of it.

Castiel knew exactly what’d changed Dean’s opinion of him, he’d seen it often enough since he’d been old enough to notice such things. The way people saw him changed when they saw him play because he changed. He went from his usual slightly stiff and awkward self to someone with a hell of a lot more confidence, who was relaxed; passionate in a way he could never seem to be in his everyday life.

Something about the fact that Dean had seen him like that and wanted him, had pleased Castiel in a vindictive sort of way. It hadn’t helped at all with his little dream problem, but he was much less angry about it now that he wasn’t the one who’d been rejected.

Castiel scanned his ID before he pressed the elevator button for the eleventh floor security turnstiles that led to his dorm. When he stepped off the elevator the security guard for the floor, who was just setting the phone back down in it’s cradle, looked up at Castiel.

“Castiel?” He asked, deep voice gruff.

“Uh, yes.” Castiel replied, that was odd, he’d never been stopped like that before, moreso because he must have been contacted by security downstairs after they saw his name flash on their computer screen.

“There was a delivery for you while you were out. They left it here.” The guard told him as he waved at a bouquet of beautiful white roses mixed with stunningly bright blue flowers in an expensive looking crystal vase.

“Are you sure it’s for me? I don’t, um, no one I know would send me flowers?” Castiel objected as his cheeks heated a little.

“I’m sure kid. Castiel ain’t exactly a common name.” The guard said not unkindly. “Maybe you got a secret admirer or somethin’.”

Castiel’s mild blush flared darker and he raised an eyebrow as he picked up the vase. He made a noncommittal noise before he thanked the guard and turned to walk down the hall to his suite.

Once Castiel was safely enclosed in his own room, he set the vase on his nightstand and caught sight of a little envelope tucked into the flowers. The front of the envelope just said ‘Cas’.

Which was weird because no one called him that. Cassie and Castiel were the only names people really used for him. When he'd been younger his mother had corrected anyone who’d tried to shorten his name. If I wanted him to be called Cas, I would have named him Cas. Balthazar was really the only one, even now who used his nickname.

Carefully, Castiel tore open the envelope as he sat down on his bed and pulled out a little white card that simply said ‘Forgive me?’ with a phone number scrawled underneath. Dean. Who else would be asking for his forgiveness?

Castiel contemplated his possible reactions: he could do nothing, never acknowledge he’d received them, or turn Dean down again. Absently, he looked at the flowers and knew he couldn’t do the former, his mother had taught him some manners after all. Not acknowledging that he’d received them would be rude, but that didn’t mean he owed it to Dean to be kind either.

Castiel chose to text him. Less awkward than turning him down by phone call. He pulled out his phone and composed his message.

Castiel: Thank you for the

Castiel: Thanks, but

Castiel: Sorry, it'd take more than a bouquet of flowers to convince me you're not a jerk. I'm not quite that easy.

Castiel hit send, and waited to get some sort of text back. He wondered if Dean would try to convince him further, or if he’d be angry? He waited much longer than he should’ve for a reply before he was finally convinced Dean wasn’t planning to answer him. It figured.

***

Bored out of his mind, Castiel sat in his music history elective class. He already knew all of this stuff, it’d been drilled into his head by his mother years before, but he’d still chosen to take it. He’d figured it would be an easy class. More often than not, Castiel found himself doodling and mentally playing or composing pieces.

He was in the middle of playing through a new arrangement that combined Iron Maiden’s The Trooper and William Tell Overture for the mash up assignment in his Modern Music course when Castiel realized his professor was standing stock still at the front of the room staring at him.

For a moment Castiel worried that he’d been tapping out the rhythm on the little desk attached to his seat but then he noticed the girl who stood at the door. He recognized her as one of the RAs from his dorm and she was also looking right at him. Suddenly, Castiel got the feeling that he’d missed them calling his name, possibly multiple times. Shit.

He tilted his head toward the floor to hide his blush and avoided making eye contact with anyone while he grabbed his bag and rushed out of the classroom. As soon as the door closed behind him, the girl rounded around on him, her face the picture of irritation as she jammed a finger into his chest.

“It’s great that your love life is so full and wonderful but when it fucks with my job we’ve got a problem.” She told him angrily.

The confusion Castiel felt must have been written all over his face because his chastiser stopped poking at him and instead threw her arms out in frustration as she spun around and walked away. As she went she yelled back over her shoulder at him.

“Get back to the dorms and deal with it. Now.”

The whole way back, Castiel wracked his brain, tried to figure out what the fuck was going on. He’d have laughed at the idea that he had a full love life if he hadn’t been so completely lost.

When the doors to the elevator opened, Castiel just stared, lips parted, at the sight before him. Every horizontal surface was covered with vases of varying shapes, sizes and colors. More filled the floor around the security desk. There was a riot of blooms of all types and sizes filling each vase. As different as they all were, each vase contained the same vibrant blue blossoms that the first bouquet had.

The guard on duty looked up and Castiel flushed deeply when he saw it was the same guard as before. Of course he instantly recognized Castiel and his polite expression immediately turned into a scowl.

“I had delivery guys from all over the damn city coming through my doors all day. I expect this-” The guard gestured wildly. “-to be dealt with in a half hour or less or I’m reporting you to Housing.”

“Reporting me for what?” Castiel asked incredulously.

“I don’t know, Excessive…. deliveries... or somethin’! Just deal with it!”

Castiel wasted a few precious minutes to search through the flowers, although he had a pretty good idea of where they’d come from. When he spotted the same expensive vase with the same white roses and blue blossoms as yesterday’s bouquet he knew he’d find the card there. Upon closer examination his theory proved correct.

Castiel yanked the card out and tore into it, barely avoided tearing the whole thing.

‘How 'bout now?’

Castiel’s anger was only slightly tempered by the impressive display. But this was just money and based on what Castiel knew about Dean’s career, money was something that Dean definitely didn’t have to worry about. He pulled out his phone and began to type furiously.

Castiel: What the hell am I supposed to do with all these fucking flowers? What did you do, buy out an entire flower shop?

Dean: A couple, actually. Pretty sure there’s none of those blue flowers left in New York.

Dean: Also. I like it when you swear Cas, gets me all tingly.

Dean: And do whatever you want with 'em. Give 'em away or keep 'em, don't care, just give me a chance.

Castiel: I got called out of class to deal with this mess. So, no. I don't even LIKE flowers Dean.

Dean: Fine. What DO you like??

Castiel: I'm not telling you.

Dean: Kinda tying my hands here, dude. But ok.

The security guard looked up sharply when Castiel let out a feral yell. He glared at Castiel then looked pointedly at his watch before he returned to the book in his hand. Castiel closed out one message box and opened another.

Castiel: I need help. Grab as many hands as you can and come down to the security station.

Castiel waited for a moment, prayed that Balthazar was in his room and not passed out or otherwise engaged. He breathed a sigh of relief as his phone buzzed in his hand.

Balthazar: How very mysterious Cassie. We’ll be right down.

Five minutes later Balthazar, Kevin, their other suitemate Alfie and Balthazar’s friend Gabe came walking down the hall. Balthazar raised an eyebrow at Castiel when he took in the scene but at Castiel’s dark look, decided to wait until Castiel had calmed down before he sought answers.

The five of them spent the next twenty minutes handing out flowers to anyone who would answer their doors in the building. When they ran out of doors they found a couple of the luggage carts that housing kept on hand for move in day and filled those up to bring the flowers out into the streets.

They spent another ten minutes handing flowers out to people passing on the street. When at last they’d finished, the security station was once again free of flowers, save for the vase Castiel had offered to let the guard take home for his girlfriend as a peace offering.

***

The next day when Castiel came home from practice he found a large box of gourmet chocolates waiting for him at the security desk.

The note read ‘ Sweets for the sweet.’ Castiel nearly sprained something with how hard he rolled his eyes. He waited until he was getting ready for bed that night to text Dean.

Castiel: Original. I’m guessing someone else writes your music, right?

Dean: But did you like the candy?

Castiel: The girls in my suite assure me they’re delicious, but you’re still not forgiven.

***

The next day it was a mystery package that said ‘open in private’. Castiel was both intrigued and terrified but he followed the instruction and was glad he did. The tissue paper fell away to expose a beautiful crystal bottle that sparkled when it caught the light.

Castiel read the label to see what the contents of the bottle were and he was grateful Dean had thought to conceal what it was. If Castiel had been caught with it he would have gotten in quite a bit of trouble for bringing alcohol into the dry dorm. It wasn’t until bed that Castiel texted Dean again.

Castiel: My friend Balthazar tells me this is fairly expensive stuff. Sadly, I don’t drink much and when I do I prefer wine so I told him to enjoy it. He sends his regards.

Castiel didn’t feel the need to confess that after his suite-mates had plowed through the contents of the bottle he’d cleaned it carefully and tucked it away on a shelf in his closet.

A little disappointed, Castiel sighed when Dean didn’t reply. He didn’t know what he expected at this point, but this seemed like a lot of effort for someone to go through just to get a date with him. Castiel knew objectively, that he was fairly decent looking, more than, if he was being honest, but he couldn’t see any appeal in a guy who spent around 80% of his waking hours wrapped up in music and learning.

He didn’t have time for Dean, even if he was interested, which he definitely wasn’t. Despite what his subconscious continued to tell him nightly. He’d gone this long without distractions, and he could certainly continue without a distraction like Dean.

Hell, he’d gotten by just fine without getting distracted by Michael, much anyway, and Michael was way more Castiel’s type. Smart, deeply devoted to his music, slightly competitive, flirty. If he was going to be distracted by someone, it should be Michael. So why, then, did Dean seem to have a monopoly on his thoughts lately?

As Castiel sank into sleep that night, his thoughts all focused on green eyes that sparkled with laughter and freckles scattered across a perfect nose, over flushed cheekbones.

***

When Castiel dragged himself home after a particularly long, frustrating day of classes and practice he really wasn’t in the mood for some impersonal show of money from Dean. He contemplated whether he should try to avoid being spotted by the guard, but figured with his luck whatever was waiting would be hand delivered to his room by a very angry guard before the night was through.

Instead he practically stomped over to the desk and waited without so much as a word for the guard to notice him. It was the guard from the day of the mass flower delivery. He looked up at Castiel with a raised eyebrow and silently handed him a box about the size of his palm. Castiel didn’t even bother to move away from the desk before tearing off the ribbon and pulling off the top.

“Whatever your girlfriend-boyfriend-whatever did must’a been pretty bad.” The security guard looked over at him, sympathy on his face.

“He’s not my boyfriend and I have no idea why he’s doing this.” Castiel mumbled, distracted.

“Wait, is this guy harassing you, Castiel?” The guard asked, and he sounded protective.

Castiel considered the experiences thus far for a second, and sure, it could look that way he supposed. But no, Castiel didn’t really think it was harassment per se. Just a rich guy throwing his money around in an attempt to get what he wanted.

“No, not really. He just seems to think if he finds the right magical gift, I’ll forgive him. It’s not even that what he did was that bad. It’s more that it really showed his character, and I don’t have time for that kind of passive-aggressive high school stuff in my life, you know.” Castiel said, and instantly regretted his bizarre case of verbal diarrhea.

“Well okay, but if anything crosses the line let me know, kid, and we’ll report him.” The guard said gruffly and Castiel smiled up at him before he looked down to see what he’d unwrapped.

Huh, Castiel hadn’t expected to see a tight coil of bow hair. Upon further inspection Castiel found that it wasn’t just bow hair but one of the most expensive brands of mongolian horsehair. They usually ran at least two hundred dollars.

Castiel trailed his fingers over the hair. He didn’t usually allow himself such luxuries. They may produce a nicer sound but as often as Castiel went through bow hair he couldn’t justify the expense. Without a second thought, Castiel set the box down and started typing right at the security desk.

Castiel: I guess these are a little warmer than the alcohol. And they’re pretty nice…

Dean: That mean I’m forgiven?

Castiel: Not even a little.

***

The next afternoon Castiel had just gotten back from lunch with his mother, which never failed to dampen his mood. Nothing Castiel ever told her was good enough, he was still never good enough. The woman ate through confidence like she was consuming the finest medium-rare steak. Methodically, and without leaving anything behind.

Castiel always felt like a husk of a person after he’d met with her, but considering she was helping to finance his education, sacrifices had to be made. The only bright spot as he trudged to the eleventh floor turnstile was his curiosity about what Dean might’ve sent.

The security guard on duty must have been warned about him because although Castiel didn’t recognize him, he reached under the desk the second he saw him and withdrew a mid-sized white box topped with a blue bow.

Castiel smiled at the guard and made his way to his room. He wanted to open it right then, but held off, and the anticipation made him antsy.

Once he’d gotten into his room he opened the lid on the box and pulled out a stuffed white teddy bear. It’s fur was soft and it had big green and gold flecked eyes, a little black nose and a tiny My Own Volition t-shirt on it. Propped up between it’s little paws and legs was a note that read ‘ I’m sorry’.

It was ridiculously cute, especially the little tiny t-shirt, but what was a grown man supposed to do with a teddy bear? Castiel pulled out his phone and flopped back onto his bed before he tapped out a text.

Castiel: Adorable, but I stopped sleeping with stuffed animals when I was four.

Dean: Four?? That seems a little young. Sammy had one until he was ten.

Castiel: Who’s Sammy? And why do you care when my mother took away my stuffed animals?

Dean: Sam’s my brother, don’t change the subject. Took away? As in you wanted to keep them and she took them??

Castiel: Don’t all parents do that eventually?

Dean: Not really, man. I mean some I guess, but four seems really young. Sam only slept in his own bed because of Sergeant Bearlington.

Castiel: Well, I guess my mother was a bit premature with that.

Not that Castiel was surprised by that at all. Naomi had probably seen them as distractions. The timing did roughly line up with when she’d started teaching him to read sheet music. He frowned, and finished his reply.

Castiel: Either way, I have no use for a stuffed animal now.

Dean: Use it to make up for lost time? Think of me while you cuddle it? That’s why I put the band shirt on it. I had to custom order it just for you. You’re basically obligated to love it.

Castiel: No.

Castiel’s reply may have seemed terse, but he couldn’t deny the fact that he’d looked forward to seeing what Dean had sent him today. And this gift, while less expensive than the others, seemed more sentimental. Oh, not the teddy bear part of course, that was horribly cliché, but the fact Dean had gotten the band shirt custom made so that it would remind Castiel of him…

That seemed sort of sweet. In general though, he didn’t think it really took Dean much effort to throw together these gifts. They weren’t worth much when you considered he could order it all with a click of a button. And for the type of apology Dean was trying to make, Castiel thought that he should at least put in more effort.

Dean: Talk to ya tomorrow, Cas.

Dean smiled at Castiel’s one word reply. He’d been amused by every damn reaction Castiel’d had to his gifts. Each one got Castiel to reveal a little more about himself, and Dean liked what he saw. Normally he’d be frustrated by now, but Dean was so used to easy that this was actually fun.

It was fun to plan something to surprise Castiel with, to try and figure out what he’d like, what would get a reaction out of him. He couldn’t wait to see Castiel’s reaction to tomorrow’s gift, and though he wouldn’t be there to see it, he really hoped it would make him blush exactly the way Dean pictured he would.

***

Once again Castiel found himself holding a small white box with a blue ribbon and he’d waited until he was in the safety of his own room before he opened it. He’d ignored Balthazar’s quirked eyebrow when he passed by and headed into his room, but he probably didn’t buy himself much time when he locked the door behind himself, so he rushed to open the box.

Inside he found a bottle of cologne: Tom Ford Oud Wood. Castiel raised a brow at the gift. He didn’t typically use cologne. He pulled the bottle out of the box, pulled off the cap and gave it a sniff. It was a spicy, smoky scent with a hint of sweetness that smelled to die for.

Didn’t really get why Dean had sent it, but Castiel lifted his phone and set the cologne back in the box then typed out his text.

Castiel: It smells nice, but I don’t really wear cologne.

Dean: It’s the one I wear.

Castiel: You sent me the cologne you wear?

Dean: Yeah, just spray some on the bear.

Castiel: Why would I do that?

Dean: Then you’ll really be thinking of me when you cuddle up with it.

Castiel’s cheeks flushed darkly as he involuntarily glanced up at the teddy bear that sat on his night stand.

Castiel: You’re ridiculous.

And yet, Castiel followed his instructions anyway. At least partially. He spritzed the cologne on the bear, put the bottle back into the box and shoved it under his bed as he vowed that he’d never breathe a word of it to another soul.

Dean: Yep. Forgive me yet?

Castiel: Still a no.

Castiel would adamantly deny that he fell asleep with a smile on his lips that night.

***

So, Castiel had decided to swing back into dorms after his morning practice; It had everything to do with the fact he needed to pick up the sheet music for the piece he was doing with Michael, even though he’d had it memorized by the second day. It definitely wasn’t because he wanted to check in for packages.

There wasn’t anything waiting for him, though, and Castiel pushed down the disappointment he felt. He also ignored the knowing smirk on the guard’s face. He was not enjoying this. He just wanted to get it over with for the day.

Unfortunately, Castiel couldn’t even convince himself at that point. He ran back to his room, grabbed the unneeded sheet music and headed to his next class.

When Balthazar and Castiel came back from dinner that night and there was still no package Castiel began to wonder if Dean had given up. He didn’t really understand why Dean was trying so hard in the first place.

A quick Google search showed the many conquests of Dean Winchester. Picture after tabloid picture of people who hung off of Dean’s arm; They came in all sorts of flavors, a parade of leggy blondes, tiny brunettes, pretty little twinks, stacked men that dwarfed even Dean’s tall stature. Each one incredibly different but each with one thing in common: They were all drop dead gorgeous.

There was also no shortage, either. Clearly Dean had no issues getting laid, so why was he bothering with this effort? Castiel had an inkling that really troubled him and he resolved to confront Dean about it the next time he had to text him. If there was a next time.

That night Castiel laid in bed and was in the midst of staring up at the ceiling when a soft knock sounded at his door. He’d already resolved himself to a fitful night of sleep, so he was glad for the interruption.

He wasn’t surprised when he opened the door to find Balthazar on the other side. What actually surprised him was the flat square package Balthazar held in his hand.

“Security just dropped this off. Said you’d been waiting for it all day and he wanted to make sure you got it tonight.” Balthazar watched Castiel with an appraising eye as he spoke.

Castiel was completely oblivious to the look Balthazar gave him; his eyes were glued to the package. He ignored the warm buzzing in his belly and grabbed the package with a mumbled thanks before he closed the door.

Balthazar stood in amused silence for a moment and stared at the door that was just shut in his face.

“Manners, Castiel. What’s happened to my polite little choir boy?” Balthazar murmured before he returned to the couch and his waiting scotch while a plan began to coalesce in his mind.

Without patience, Castiel tore open the package as he settled on the bed. He shouldn’t have been surprised because the shape of it all but advertised what it was. Honestly, Castiel had half-thought Dean had sent him one of the band’s albums and was ready to send a scathing text to Dean about marketing to him.

Instead, he found himself looking at a generic blank CD with only the words ‘To Castiel: I’m still sorry’ written on the paper insert. Puzzled, Castiel set the case down and picked up his phone to start typing.

Castiel: You made me a mix tape?

Dean: a. It’s a CD Cas. b. Did you listen to it yet?

Castiel: No.

Dean: Listen to it.

Castiel: Fine.

With a slightly irate sigh, Castiel grabbed his laptop and headphones and settled back once again on his bed. He put his headphones on and popped the CD in. When the folder came up he was surprised to see only one song, simply labeled ‘For Cas’.

Nervous and not sure why, Castiel clicked play. He'd anticipated some power ballad from the band with lyrics all about love or sex or I’m sorry’s. Having committed most of their songs to memory, Castiel knew there were plenty to choose from.

But as the first notes filled Castiel’s ears he knew his assumption was wrong. At first he was confused. He definitely didn’t recognize it and there wasn’t a single word spoken. He found himself lulled by the gentle tinkle of piano keys. When the guitar kicked in, it was just as soft and pleading, the two swirled together to form words in his mind.

Castiel shot up straight at the sound of a bow being pulled across the strings of a violin. His heart hammered in his chest, and his breathing quickened. He still couldn’t place the music. He wasn’t so full of himself as to believe that he’d heard every song ever written but his ear for music couldn’t be beat and if he’d heard it before he would know it. Especially one that had strings in it.

By the time the song finished Castiel had slumped against his headboard, and there were tears in his eyes. He’d always deeply felt the emotions of music and this was no exception. The musicians in this song had weaved an intricate tale of remorse, but it was the end, when it all lifted up and invoked a deep feeling of hope, that it’d gotten it’s hooks into Castiel.

After a deep breath, Castiel picked up his phone and began to type with unsteady fingers.

Castiel: That was beau

Castiel: That was exquisite.

Castiel: Where the fuck did you get this?

Castiel: Is this you playing the guitar?

Dean: It’s me playing the guitar, the violin and the piano.

Castiel: Wow.

Castiel sat in stunned silence. The guitar was a given of course but Castiel had assumed that Dean must have hired someone to play the other parts. Not recently, of course. Certainly Dean had this sitting around for such occasions. Castiel got the feeling that Dean’d had occasion to apologize multiple times.

Castiel: You’re actually really talented… I already kinda knew that though, I was at your show.

Dean: I wrote it for you.

Castiel: Shut up. No you didn’t.

The amount of time and work that must have gone into that was mind-boggling. No wonder it’d arrived so late. Castiel was also incredibly impressed that Dean had composed such a complex piece in such a short amount of time.

Even if he’d started the day of the park, it was still a very short window of time. Castiel could’ve done it, but that came from years of intense training only made slightly easier by a naturally gifted ear.

Dean: Yeah, Cas, I did. Did you like it?

Castiel: Maybe.

Dean: Haha. That’s a yes. You totally liked it.

Castiel: No.

Dean: You know who lies to people Cas? Liars.

Castiel: Fine. It was beautiful, and no, I’m still not going on a date with you.

Dean: Aww, c’mon. I really am sorry I was a jerk to you.

Castiel: Dean, why are you even doing this? There are probably a million and one people who would kill for a chance to date you.

Dean: Yeah, but I want you.

Castiel: But why?

Dean: Dude, have you seen yourself? Why wouldn’t someone want to date you?

Castiel: See, I think it’s because you can’t have me. I think the only reason you’re trying so hard is because I keep saying no. The second I give in, you’re going to realize I really AM just a band geek.

Dean: Cas, I’ve seen you play, you’re clearly NOT just a band geek.

Castiel: My point still stands. I think you’re only sorry because for some reason you like the challenge I present.

Dean: Sure, I like the challenge, but it’s more than that Cas.

Castiel: I’m not so sure.

After awhile, Castiel fell asleep with his laptop playing Dean’s song on repeat.

***

All night, Balthazar had been thinking over what he needed to do. There was the potential to seriously piss Castiel off, sure, but he was banking on how close the two of them were to ensure that he would be forgiven for his transgression.

He needed to get answers. Between the mysterious packages Castiel had been receiving and the constant ups and downs in Castiel’s moods Balthazar was both intrigued and concerned.

Castiel had spent far too much time cooped up away from everyone, his cello his only companion, for him to be savvy with the ways of the world. The last thing Balthazar wanted was some crazy stalker to get to his Cassie under Balthazar’s watch.

So, when Castiel got up that morning and headed for the shower Balthazar was waiting. As soon as he heard the water turn on he hurried to Castiel’s door and made quick work of the lock. Snatched up Castiel’s phone from the nightstand and typed in the unlock code. He’d figured that out the second year here and Castiel was nothing if not predictable.

It was easier than he thought it would be to search the text messages on Castiel’s phone. The first number was labelled Dean.

When he first started reading, Balthazar was already prepared to hunt Dean down and kick his ass for continuing to torment poor Cassie. By the end of the messages though, the most recent being from last night, Balthazar was convinced he needed to get his fingers into this and push it along.

He loved Castiel dearly, but the boy was the epitome of the word stubborn. Most people would have folded by day two or three but Castiel could likely go on like this for months if he wasn’t given the proper motivation.

Balthazar was determined to make sure Dean knew exactly what that motivation ought to be. He pulled out his own phone and added Dean into his contacts before he returned Castiel’s phone to the nightstand.

Once he’d quickly exited the room, locked the door once again, and hid away in his own room, Balthazar paused to think out what exactly he wanted to say before he began to type.

Chapter Text

Castiel was very much not in the mood for Balthazar’s shenanigans. It had been two and a half days since he’d last heard from Dean. Two and a half days since the last package. Castiel’s mood was dark and he didn’t really understand why.

The first day that he hadn’t heard anything, Castiel didn’t think too much of it since the previous day’s delivery had been late. But after he'd checked the clock for the millionth time and it’d read almost midnight he’d given in and gone to bed.

When he’d woken up the next day he’d had an uneasy feeling low in his gut but he’d chalked it up to his late night. He’d tried to focus on classes and practice but instead he kept interrupting both to either text his suite-mates or to run back to the dorm himself to check.

When nothing had come by the end of that day Castiel had spent his evening staring at his phone. Part of him felt like he should text Dean. He had actually put quite a bit of effort into that song and Castiel had still rebuked him.

On the other, Castiel thought that if someone gave up because a little effort wasn’t immediately rewarded then he was better off without them.

The morning of the third day found Castiel in a foul place. He made every effort not to take it out on his friends but all that meant was that he wasn’t snapping at them. He was still no joy to be around.

His focus was shot and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get the notes right for the upcoming piece with Michael. He had less than a week before they started practicing it together and at this rate Castiel was only going to be humiliated.

So when Balthazar had walked in on him wrapping bandages around his finger tips because he’d been a little too rough during his last pass through the song, Castiel allowed himself to be coaxed from the practice room. Something he regretted almost immediately.

Balthazar took him out to lunch, even managed to talk him into a glass of wine, before he insisted that they meet up with Kevin and Gabe. Apparently a friend of Kevin’s was putting on a showcase at some hole in the wall place as practice for his final and Kevin had promised to get as many friends as he could there to see it.

As they walked down the sidewalk and threaded through the foot traffic, Castiel couldn’t help the side eyes he sent in Balthazar’s direction. He’d been far too chipper at lunch and as they closed the distance between the restaurant and the bar, Balthazar had become more and more smug. He was up to something but Castiel couldn’t quite put his finger on what it could be.

They found the door to the bar unlocked, when they arrived, but the place was deserted. Castiel watched as Balthazar frowned before he checked his phone. He grumbled a bit as he read something and then he jammed his phone back into his pocket.

“Bloody hell, Kevin is such prat sometimes. Evidently, he told us the wrong time. We’ve got a half an hour to wait. He says the owner is his uncle or something, so it’s fine if we just hang out here. Wonder if the booze is kept locked up during off hours.” Balthazar complained but there wasn’t much heat to his words.

Kevin could be a bit flighty when he was wrapped up in his music but he was way too sweet to really be mad at.

As Balthazar walked to one of the small, rickety tables directly front and center of the stage, Castiel contemplated whether he should suggest that they sit a little further away because Balthazar wasn’t known for his poker face and neither of them had heard this person perform before but he decided not to. His mood didn’t lend itself to the charitable side of his personality and he didn’t want to waste his energy debating it with Balthazar for the sake of someone else’s ego.

For a few minutes they sat there and Castiel absently picked at the peeling paint on the table before Balthazar’s phone went off in his pocket. With an irritated sigh he pulled it out, read it and then tucked it back in his pocket.

“Kevin’s heading over early, says he shouldn’t make us wait here alone since it’s his screw up. On that note, I think I’ll go relieve myself so I’m not distracted from his dressing down by the need to piss.” Balthazar grumbled as he stood and walked toward the hall with the restroom sign over it, which left Castiel to sit alone in the quiet club.

Suddenly, the lights went out and Castiel absolutely did not jump like a little girl in a scary movie. He reached into his pocket for his phone, and looked for his flashlight app before he heard a rustle of fabric and light began to spill forward while the curtains on the stage opened. Stunned into silence at the sight before him, Castiel sat stock still.

Backlit by a single spot light that shone directly onto him, Dean sat on a stool with an acoustic guitar across his lap. One of his legs was propped up on the bar of the stool to support the instrument and smoke filtered the light around him, swirled through the air in wisps as Dean started to strum gently.

The lighting accentuated Dean’s biker boots, tight jeans, his black leather jacket and the white t-shirt he wore beneath it and Castiel was captivated by it all. Not only did Dean look gorgeous, he sounded it as he played the opening chords to Elton John’s Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word. Castiel had recognized it instantly, and the second Dean opened his mouth to sing, Castiel was irrecoverable.

“What I got to do to make you love me?

What I got to do to make you care?

What do I do when lightning strikes me?

And I wake to find that you're not there

What I got to do to make you want me?

What I got to do to be heard?

What do I say when it's all over babe?

Sorry seems to be the hardest word.”

Castiel’s heart stuttered in his chest while Dean sang, their eyes locked together as every word that flowed out of Dean’s mouth, filled with emotion, reverberated through him. He could feel the regret in each strum of Dean’s guitar strings and every soulful lyric.

“It's sad, so sad, it's a sad, sad, situation

And it's getting more and more absurd

It's so sad, so sad, why can't we talk it over?

Oh, it seems to me

That sorry seems to be the hardest word

What do I do to make you want me?

What I got to do to be heard?

What do I say when it's all over?

Sorry seems to be the hardest word.”

Wetness pooled in the corners of Castiel’s eyes and he blinked it back, no one had ever done something like this for him and he didn’t even know how to process what was happening, but he couldn’t help but be moved by the pleading in Dean’s voice and music.

“It's sad, so sad, it's a sad, sad, situation

And it's gotten more and more absurd

It's sad, so sad, why can't we talk it over?

Oh it seems to me

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

Sorry

What do I do to make you love me?

What I got to do to be heard?

What do I do when lightning strikes me?

What do I got to do? What do I got to do?

When sorry seems to be the hardest word. ”

Castiel’s lips parted as Dean mournfully finished the song and the moment hung thick and rife with tension between them. Then Dean laid his guitar down, hopped off the stage and closed the distance between them while Castiel stood up.

“I’m sorry, Cas.” Dean said quietly when he finally stood before him, not the cocky rockstar but a man laid bare.

Castiel opened his mouth but he couldn’t make himself speak. He’d never felt speechless like this before, he was completely overwhelmed with Dean’s performance so Castiel did the only thing he could think of to express how he felt right then.

He surged forward and slotted his lips against Dean’s, grabbed Dean’s jacket to pull him closer. Relieved, Dean smiled into the kiss, rested his hands against Castiel’s hips before he ran his tongue hotly over the seam of Castiel’s lips which parted instinctively.

The brush of Dean’s tongue, wet, firm, hot against his own spiked arousal low in Castiel’s gut, and he groaned into the kiss, pressed himself forward and slipped his arms around Dean’s back to fist in his jacket there. Sure, Castiel had kissed before, but not like that. Not full of need and heat and with something much, much, bigger building up in him.

Sharply, Dean inhaled when Castiel took control of the kiss, but fuck if it wasn't hot as hell when Castiel rocked his body into Dean’s. In an instant reaction, Dean’s body temperature shot up at the first brush of Castiel's half-hard cock against his thigh. Fucking Christ, Dean wanted Castiel more than he'd ever wanted anyone and Castiel felt so good pressed close to him. 

Hard and perfect, Castiel sucked Dean’s bottom lip into his mouth and trailed his tongue over it before he pulled away slightly and rested his forehead against Dean’s to catch his breath.

All Dean wanted to do was reach up and pull Castiel's mouth back to his, plunge his tongue back inside and spend the next few hours mapping every single way that Castiel liked to be kissed and touched, but he held himself back, he didn’t want to risk pushing too hard just yet.

After a moment spent just breathing the same air, Castiel finally lifted his head away enough to look at Dean. Those green eyes, the same ones he’d dreamt about for longer than he cared to admit stared into his, and Castiel felt weak with desire.

The visceral reaction he had to Dean was borderline frightening and Castiel needed time to think. He couldn’t concentrate on all the shoulds and ought to’s when Dean looked at him with unadulterated lust; it just wasn’t possible.

So while his body desperately, desperately, wanted to continue on the path he’d started them on, Castiel had to stop, be reasonable, think about this.

“Dean… I…” Castiel began and faltered. “That was…”

“Too much?” Dean asked huskily as he tried to force his fingers to loosen their grip on Castiel’s hips.

“You were amazing - are amazing.” Castiel told him honestly. “But I just… I don’t, Dean... I don’t have the ability right now to pursue any sort of romantic relationship. Finals are coming up in a couple months, and I’ll be spending a lot of time practicing for them.”

“Oh…” Dean replied; disappointment rang in his voice.

“Dean, I don't want you to think I didn't appreciate this, because I really, truly do. No one’s ever- I've never… Your performance was beautiful and of course I forgive you, but I just can't afford that sort of a distraction right now. Maybe we could… Maybe you’d want to be, well, friends?” Castiel said in a rush.

He wasn’t even sure why he’d offered, because really, how did he expect himself to be friends with a man whose bones he very much wanted to jump, but Castiel just knew he couldn’t give Dean up entirely. Not after all that, not after the fact that his mood had plummeted when he hadn’t heard from him for a few days, not after the way he’d felt when he’d listened to Dean perform just for him.

For a long moment Dean studied Castiel’s face for some sign of what he should do. He wondered what, exactly, Castiel wanted, but all he found was confusion mixed with heat and even though Dean was disappointed, he knew without a doubt that he was going to agree.

Castiel’s lips and body had felt too good as they’d moved against his for him to walk away now. If it took being friends with Castiel to get where he wanted them to eventually end up, he’d do it. It’s not like it’d be a punishment, anyway. From what he’d learned of him so far Castiel seemed like a pretty awesome guy. Maybe not Dean’s usual type, but maybe that was part of why Dean enjoyed texting with him so much.

“Friends, huh?” Dean mused, as if he hadn’t already made up his mind. “Sure. We can try being friends.”

***

The week since Dean’s private performance for Castiel had been interesting to say the least. They’d texted at least once a day, mostly just mundane stuff about how their days were going or what they were doing but Castiel found himself looking forward to those texts.

He got to see slivers of Dean’s life and personality and they drew him in deeper each time. Each new piece of Dean that had been revealed only made Castiel like him more and it surprised the hell out of him how rapidly Dean’s friendship became a cornerstone in his life.

A couple of nights ago Dean had texted to see if Castiel would be free Saturday evening. They’d planned for Dean to pick him and Balthazar up after Castiel’s practice with Michael. Dean had told him to invite Balthazar along so that Castiel wouldn’t feel like it was just Dean’s friends they were going to spend time with and Castiel had found it endearing that Dean had considered his comfort so thoughtfully.

Of course, Castiel was supposed to have been finished by six, but he and Michael had been at it for hours. They were both sweaty and tired. Castiel was frustrated with himself because he couldn’t fucking get this piece right no matter how many times they tried, and he’d just made another stupid, simple, mistake.

“Damn it!” Castiel cursed as he kicked the music stand that loomed in front of the cello.

It banged to the ground and the sheet music that had been set there more as a reminder than a necessity went floating about the room. For a breath the only noise was the soft sound of papers as they hit the polished wood floor.

“Hey, Castiel, it’s coming along great. It’s the first day we’ve actually tried to practice it together.” Michael tried to soothe him as he stood and walked over to right the stand before he set his bow down on it.

“That’s bull, Michael! This music isn’t even hard, we could have played it when we were in diapers.” Castiel disagreed angrily while he shifted his glare to the cello.

Michael stepped in front of it. He doubted Castiel would actually damage it but he wasn’t about to take the chance.

“Sure, it’s easy. For me. Because I’m playing it like a normal person. You, on the other hand, have to completely ignore all of your training for body placement and angles. You may as well be learning to play all over again. Give it time. We still have weeks.” Michael reassured him.

Castiel grabbed the button up shirt he’d abandoned hours ago in favor of the t-shirt beneath and used it to wipe the sheen of sweat from his forehead before he tossed it down and headed back toward the cello.

“Okay, c’mon let’s go again.” Castiel urged as he stood resolutely beside the cello and waited for Michael to take his place.

“I thought you had plans.” Michael questioned with a raised brow.

Irrationally annoyed, Castiel didn’t care for the strange smile that Michael had when he referenced Castiel’s earlier mention of plans but he brushed it off.

“It’s fine, I’ve got time.”

“For fucks sake, Castiel. We were practically one person there. You think I didn’t feel when you tweaked your arm? Sit.” Michael demanded as he indicated the stool he’d previously been sitting on and Castiel went begrudgingly.

Michael was right of course. His arm clenched up every time he so much as moved his fingers. The way he’d twisted around Michael to reach the cello had put his arm in a very awkward position.

What Castiel didn’t expect, was for Michael to walk over and begin to massage the strained muscle that stretched from Castiel’s elbow up to his shoulder. He started at the elbow and worked his way up, eased the tension as he pressed into the muscle. Every once in awhile, Castiel hissed when Michael pressed hard into a trigger point to get the muscle to release but then he gently massaged the area to soothe it.

“Where’d you learn to do this?” Castiel asked while his eyes screwed shut after a particularly rough trigger point released.

“When you play like a spazz the way I do, you tend to put strain on muscles that don’t usually get strained. I’ve spent a lot of time under the hands of a very talented masseuse and when you spend that much time having something done to you, you tend to pick up a few things.” Michael said with a note of mischief. “Of course I also learned how to give a stellar hand job.”

Castiel rolled his eyes at Michael’s comment but said nothing. His antics proved to be a good distraction and Castiel’s angry mood was dissipating. Of course it couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that Dean would be there soon to pick him up. To hang out. As friends.

***

Dean was supposed to text Castiel when he got to the school but he really wanted the chance to see Castiel perform again. So, instead, Dean waited outside the school and pretended to use his phone, until one of the students who was filing in looked at him with a spark of recognition.

His target ended up being a pretty little brunette coed with stars in her eyes the instant she looked his way. Bingo. Dean flashed his best flirty smile as she approached him nervously.

“You’re Dean Winchester, aren’t you?” She said as soon as she got to Dean.

Dean let the southern drawl, that he knew drove the fans that swung his way crazy, out to play, “That’s what’s on my underwear. What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“Oh my gosh, my name’s Ruby. I’m such a huge fan! Could I have your autograph?”

She was practically gushing at that point and Dean knew he was as good as in.

“Absolutely darlin! Got something for me to sign?” Dean kept his voice friendly even though he was starting to get antsy about getting in before Castiel finished.

He waited as she shuffled through her bag and then she pulled out a small notebook and a pen. Hastily, Dean took them from her and scrawled his signature along with the usual ‘Stay Beautiful’ his manager insisted upon. He handed it back before he looked down at her and they locked eyes.

“How ‘bout a picture?” Dean’s mouth had barely stopped moving when Ruby had her phone out, camera up.

With a wide fake smile, Dean slung an arm around her shoulders and pulled her in close. A moment later, she snapped a picture before she tilted her chin to look up at Dean. Instead of dropping his arm like Dean was sure she expected, he held on and gave her shoulder a squeeze.

A little shiver went through her and if Dean wasn’t so focused on blue eyes at the moment, this would have been right about when he’d be heading back to the girl’s room with her. What he actually did was put his best puppy dog eyes on, not nearly as good as his brother’s, but they always managed to do the job.

“Hey, I’m meeting someone here but I think they’re running behind. I’d rather not wait out here too long. Not all my fans are as nice and cute as you.” Dean paused to flash a wink. “Do you think I could come in with you? Promise I’ll behave myself.”

Ruby looked a little disappointed at the thought that Dean was meeting someone but she quickly hid it.

“Sure, absolutely. Did you need to go to a specific floor? They have security on each floor but I’d be happy to get you there.”

“My friend’s on the eleventh floor, I’d love a pretty little escort like you.” Dean let the double entendre of the word escort play out and he hoped it would make her more pliant but not insulted.

“Totally, I can absolutely do that.” Ruby wrapped an arm around Dean’s waist as she spoke so that when she started walking, Dean did as well.

They got through the first set of security without a problem. As they rode up the elevator Dean did his best to ignore the way her hand had started to rub circles on his back and drifted lower each time. He restrained himself from pulling away as soon as the doors of the elevator opened. Ruby flashed her student ID at the guard before walking him a few feet down the hall.

Dean spun out of her arm and took her hand in his, then planted a chaste kiss on the back of it.

“Thanks, sweetheart. I got it from here.”

“If you, ya know, wanna come by sometime, I’m on the fourteenth floor, suite three. Any time.” Ruby kept talking as she backed away.

Dean waited until she had turned away before he turned himself. Castiel'd said that the practice room he usually used was on the same floor as his room, so Dean went to look for a door labelled as such.

When he got to one and it was empty Dean was pretty bummed. It occurred to him then that Castiel had said he was working with a partner so it was possible they were on that person’s floor. He was about to leave when he noticed another door on the opposite side of the hall and a few feet down that was also labelled practice room.

The light was on, shining through a small frosted window but that was all Dean could see. After a brief hesitation, he opened the door, hoped it would be Castiel and not some poor kid about to get the crap scared out of him because some stranger had just busted in on him.

What Dean wasn't expecting to see was Castiel being rubbed down by the asshole Castiel’d been playing with at the park. Jeez, Dean, you don’t even know the guy.

Dean took in the way that Castiel’s head drooped down with his eyes closed and the way the guy smiled softly at him as he rubbed Castiel’s shoulder, how his fingers dipped occasionally beneath the neck of Castiel’s shirt.

It took less than a second for Dean to take all of that in. Right before they both looked up at the sudden noise of the door. Castiel’s eyes went just a little wide while the other guy simply smirked and continued to rub.

Dean managed to school his features into a completely convincing smile as he pushed down the temper that his jealousy sometimes brought out. An odd thing to happen since Dean hadn’t been monogamous since he’d lost his virginity to his only official girlfriend ever in freshman year.

However, Dean really didn’t like sharing, so when something was his, even if it was just for the night, only he got to decide if someone else got in on the action. But Castiel wasn’t his. So, this was fine he tried to remind himself.

“Dean! What are you? This...I...I tweaked my arm. Michael was just working out the muscles.” Castiel stuttered as his face flushed pink.

It was cute how Castiel stumbled over his words as he tried to explain himself to Dean. And Dean found that he really enjoyed seeing Castiel flustered. He just wished he was the sole reason for it.

“No worries. Just thought I might be able to sneak a peek at your practice but it looks like you’re done?” Dean raised an eyebrow as he spoke and looked around at the sheet music on the floor.

It was Michael who spoke up this time, as his hands dropped from Castiel’s shoulder.

“Yeah. Castiel, I got this. You go on ahead. Have fun. You worked hard today, you deserve it.” Michael told Castiel with a warm smile that slipped a bit when he looked away from Castiel to Dean but was back by the time his eyes returned to Castiel.

“Thanks Michael. Since you’re not available tomorrow, how about Monday after Theory?” Castiel asked as he picked up his button-up from the floor and shook out the wrinkles before he put it back on.

“Sounds good, looking forward to it.” Michael agreed with a grin.

Dean ignored the wink that Michael sent Castiel’s way as the two of them headed out the door and left Michael to pick up and pack away what Dean assumed was his cello. Weird, that there was only one.

As soon as the door closed Castiel rounded on Dean with wide innocent eyes that pleaded with him.

“Dean, that was nothing. I know how it looked but I meant it when I said I wasn’t interested in any romantic attachments right now. Michael just-”

Quickly, Dean put up a hand to stave off the flow of Castiel’s words, he wanted Castiel to relax around him, not get all bent out of shape over something like this.

“Cas, it’s fine. We’re just friends. You don’t have to explain anything to me.” Dean was proud of how steady and totally fine his voice sounded.

Not fully convinced, Castiel assessed Dean’s expression carefully before he decided he believed him. Despite the possessiveness that roiled in his gut, Dean gave Castiel his most charming smile.

“Okay, then. Where are we headed?” Castiel asked to change the subject.

“It’s a surprise, Cas.” Dean informed him with a grin.

Chapter Text

Castiel didn't have the heart to tell Dean he wasn't all that fond of surprises, so he forced himself to smile back excitedly.

He must not quite have pulled off the expression because Dean laughed deep and rich at the look on his face, and squeezed Castiel's shoulder gently, “Trust me, man, it’ll be fun.”

“If you say so.” Castiel replied with a small smirk, Dean certainly looked like he thought they were headed somewhere fun.

“I do.” Dean confirmed as he used his grip on Castiel's shoulder to pull him forward so they could walk side-by-side further into the suite. “Let’s get Balthazar and then get going, Baby’s waiting out front and no offense, I trust all these college kids about as far as I can throw 'em.”

“Baby?” Castiel asked, confused.

“Yeah, sorry, my car.” Dean explained with an amused smile as Castiel stopped in front of Balthazar’s door to look over at him. “I don't usually get the chance to drive myself, but we’re in New York for a while, so I had her brought in for me.”

“Oh.” Castiel replied, huh, he hadn't really thought about how long Dean had been or would be in New York for, he must have a busy tour schedule because My Own Volition were huge. “So, if you won’t tell me where we’re headed can you at least tell me if I’m dressed appropriately?”

Dean gave Castiel a once-over. And Castiel probably shouldn’t have enjoyed the way Dean’s eyes traveled from his shoes up over his faded blue jeans and his blue plaid button-up, but he did anyway.

“It’ll do.” Dean assured him with a smirk. “I have sweaters for both of you in the car anyway and extra jackets in case it gets too cold.”

“Hmm.” Castiel hummed as he thoughtfully raised an eyebrow, so, they were clearly going somewhere outdoors; He wondered what it could be.

Castiel reached up to knock on the door and as soon as his knuckles rapped against the wood, the door was flung widely open.

“About bloody time.” Balthazar grumbled. “I could hear the two of you talking, you know. I just didn’t want to interrupt your moment.”

“Nice to see you too, Balthazar.” Dean greeted with a friendly grin.

“Yes, it is, isn’t it?” Balthazar replied with a sharp smile in return.

“Gee, I’m really glad this isn’t awkward at all.” Castiel pointed out and Balthazar chuckled before he threw his arm over Castiel’s shoulder.

“Oh, come now, Cassie. It’s my job as your best friend, practically a brother, truly, to give the guy who wants to shag you the third degree.” Balthazar said casually as he sized Dean up.

“He doesn’t- We’re not- Balthazar I told you! We’re going to be friends. That’s all.” Castiel protested as his cheeks flushed dark again and he already regretted having invited Balthazar.

This just isn’t fair, it’s like the universe is testing me or some shit. Castiel; flustered and blushing twice in the span of fifteen minutes? Dean was so, so very glad that he had more control over his body than he did a few years ago, otherwise the sight of those cheekbones stained pink combined with the adorable way he blinked when he was uncomfortable would’ve had Dean awkwardly sporting an inappropriate boner.

“Yes, well, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want in your pants, darling. It’s not as though it’s something you can just turn off.” Balthazar reasoned soundly. “But, I digress, you’re right. I’m being terribly rude, so why don’t we start this whole thing over?”

“Sure.” Dean agreed, nonplussed.

He could take Balthazar’s flak, the guy was just being protective, and it was nothing Dean wouldn’t have done for Sammy, really. He remembered how he’d basically interrogated Jess when things had started getting serious for them. He’d needed to make sure she wasn’t just some fangirl who would only end up hurting Sammy. Fortunately, she’d turned out to be pretty awesome and a hell of an almost sister-in-law.

Between Jess, Jo and Charlie, Dean was basically set for sisters he hadn’t known he wanted until they’d shown up in his life.

“Excellent.” Balthazar said in a sincere tone.

“Yeah, great. Let’s head out.” Castiel cut in, and without any preamble started to head for the elevators while Dean and Balthazar followed.

The ride in the elevator was slightly tense, but not uncomfortably so, and they made small-talk on the way to where Dean had parked his car. When Dean led them to his shiny black classic car, Castiel couldn’t help but appreciate it’s beauty.

He wasn’t really a car guy, but even he had to admit that it’s smooth lines, dark paint and glossy chrome details all came together to form one hell of a sexy car.

“Wow, Dean, it’s beautiful.” Castiel said as he slid an admiring hand along the passenger side door.

“She, Cas. Baby’s a lady.” Dean teased and Castiel rolled his eyes but smiled anyway.

“Oh, did you hear that, Cassie, we can stop worrying about Dean’s intentions with you, he’s already got a girlfriend.” Balthazar joked and Dean chuckled.

“Well, she was my first love.” He admitted teasingly with a smirk. “Sadly relationships with inanimate objects rarely work out.”

“At least you remained friends after your break-up.” Balthazar quipped and Castiel smiled at the two of them.

It was nice to see them getting along even if it was through trading jokes at Dean’s expense. As they climbed into the car Castiel hoped the rest of the evening might go more smoothly.

***

It felt like someone had force fed Castiel a whole building of bricks. Dean looked so excited, standing in the middle of the posh room with the open wall looking over the stadium of noisy fans. Castiel didn’t even know what was going on when Dean had first pulled off the blindfold he’d insisted Castiel wear. Now, he’d figured it out and felt even more lost.

As Dean looked on expectantly, Castiel began to scramble for words.

“Dean...I...don’t-” Castiel didn’t have a chance to finish before Dean was cutting in.

“I know man, it’s awesome! Yankees Stadium owner’s box for game seven of the Series! Can you believe it? When the Yankees managed to pull through last game I got on the phone and called in every favor I had to get the box for the band.” Dean was like a kid on Christmas as he spoke, his cheeks flushed and his eyes shining.

Castiel hated to put a damper on that but it couldn’t be helped.

“Dean, I’ve never seen a baseball game in my life.” Castiel spoke in a rush to get all the words out before Dean could interrupt again.

Dean’s eyes went wide and his face went pale.

“But...you said you’ve lived in New York all your life!” Dean said almost accusingly.

“I have. I’ve just never had the time for sports.” Castiel avoided Dean’s stare as he spoke.

“You mean you’ve never been to a baseball game. You’ve seen them on TV and stuff though, right?” Dean asked.

“He isn’t too quick, is he?” Balthazar chuckled next to Castiel.

Both Dean and Castiel turned to level Balthazar with a glare, which Balthazar took as his cue to go investigate the open bar.

“No Dean, I mean I’ve never seen a baseball game in my life. Not in person, not on television, not even in some fictional movie.” Castiel said with exasperation.

He knew he was a freak, he didn’t really need Dean to point that out.

“But how, Cas? How can someone live in New York City their whole life and not watch baseball?” Dean asked as he shook his head.

“It wasn’t a priority in my house. It was time wasted that could be better spent practicing or studying.” Castiel grumbled, arms crossed, while he remembered how he’d felt the first time Dean’d had him under those piercing green eyes.

“Wow, I...I’m sorry Cas. I didn’t even think-” Dean raked his hand through his hair in frustration. “Look we can get outta here, go do something else. It’s no big deal.”

Castiel saw how hard Dean was trying to mask his disappointment, so he bit his lip, then he looked over to the view of the field and back to Dean again.

“Will you...will you teach me?” He asked timidly; he felt more like a four year old being sat in front of a foreign looking instrument for the first time than a grown man.

It was worth it though to see Dean’s face absolutely light up.

“Yeah, man! I’d be happy to! We’ve got about twenty minutes before the game starts. I’ll go grab drinks, why don’t you go find a seat and make yourself comfortable?” Dean turned toward the bar before he’d even finished speaking.

Castiel heard his mother’s voice in his head as he glanced at all the people who stood around the room talking. Proper manners dictated that Castiel should introduce himself to everyone.

He recognized the redhead and the blonde who held hands while they chatted with someone unfamiliar as the girls from Dean’s band. Castiel also spotted the tall man with the shaggy hair that had been playing drums. Dean had said that was his brother Sam. Sam was chatting with a few people, his arm slung over a pretty blonde.

Castiel squashed the voice in his head though, for his own comfort. He wasn’t prepared to make his own introductions and he felt silly just standing there, so he followed Dean’s instructions and made his way down to the seats.

As excited as Dean had been, Castiel felt safe in assuming he would want to be front and center so he made his way to the seats that best fit that theory and settled in.

It was only a minute later that Castiel felt a presence loom over him from behind. He suddenly found himself staring at two wine glasses that were held in front of him; one white and one red.

“You never said which you preferred so I got one of each.” Dean said softly from above.

He remembered.

Castiel couldn’t help the rush of warmth that bloomed in his chest at the realization that Dean had remembered such an insignificant comment Castiel had made more than a week and a half ago. He quickly pushed it down.

It took him a second to realize Dean was still standing there holding out the glasses as he waited for a response.

“I don’t really have a preference. Are you drinking the other one? I’ll take whichever you don’t want.” Castiel responded politely.

“Nah, I’m more of a whiskey kinda guy. I figured I’d be able to pawn it off on Balthazar. But if you like both, then it’s no big deal, you can drink ‘em both.” Dean said with a grin.

“Oh I...I don’t usually have more than one drink.” Castiel protested, as he started to feel like the rigid band geek Dean had once accused him of being.

“C’mon Cas, live a little. I promise I’ll get you home safe and sound and I won’t even try to take advantage of you...unless you ask.” Dean said cheekily.

Castiel was about to remind Dean of their agreement to just be friends and that that wasn’t something friends generally suggested but then he saw the smirk on Dean’s face and realized Dean was just giving him a little grief.

That was something friends did, if Balthazar was anything to go on. Castiel finally shrugged wordlessly before he reached up to take both glasses. He set the red down on the granite bar in front of the seats and took a sip of the white.

Dean settled into the seat next to Castiel and began explaining the basics of the game. He explained home runs, pointed out the foul lines and what happened when the ball went over them, what balls were, which made Castiel roll his eyes before he realized that Dean wasn’t referring to the actual physical balls, what the strike zone was and on and on.

Castiel was so wrapped up in how knowledgeable and enthusiastic Dean was that he hadn’t even noticed when people started to filter in to sit around them, not even when Balthazar took the seat next to Castiel.

Unsurprisingly, Castiel also wasn’t paying attention when he finished off his first glass of wine and started in on the second.

By the time the players had made their way to the field to stand for the national anthem, Castiel had a passable knowledge of the game and the glow of excitement burned in his eyes. Dean couldn’t look away.

He only hoped that no one noticed that he was watching Castiel instead of the flag. The press would just love a picture of him not being patriotic.

The fifth inning saw Castiel completely caught up in Dean’s over enthusiastic spirit; they jumped up and cheered when the Yankees scored a run, booed when the Red Sox made it on base.

When Castiel first expressed discomfort at the act and he asked if it was bad sportsmanship to boo the opposing team for doing well, Dean had looked so affronted that Castiel couldn’t help but laugh. Dean explained that it was a cardinal sin to imply that the Red Sox ever did anything well.

By the eighth inning Castiel had lost track of what glass of wine he was on. So it was no surprise that any time there was accidental contact between himself and Dean that Castiel allowed himself to linger and even encouraged it.

Dean was content to enjoy it when he could. But then Castiel went to put his hand on the armrests between their seats and missed; his hand landed high on Dean’s thigh and stayed a little too long.

Silently, Dean cursed himself for the fact that he’d opted to keep his alcohol intake to a minimum; he wished that he had his own inebriation to use as an excuse to stay put. Instead he forced himself to stand as he used a close call between foul and fair as cover.

The rest of the game he reminded himself over and over that it’d been the right thing to do, even if his body protested that the right thing to do would’ve been to stay still and wait for the inevitable moment when Castiel’s hand would’ve drifted up.

Christ, as obvious as Castiel was being Dean probably could’ve gotten an over the pants hand job out of it. He could certainly have used it. For fuck’s sake, Dean hadn’t even been able to even force himself to go out in search of a lay lately, not since he’d seen Castiel in the park. The longest Dean had gone before without getting laid was three nights. So this? This was pure torture.

Dean refocused his attention, enjoyed the game and made sure the rest of his fluid intake was of the non-alcoholic variety. Not only was he going to have to drive Castiel and Balthazar home later, but he needed his wits about him if he was going to have to be the one who maintained the whole ‘just friends with Castiel thing’ that night.

When they got back to the dorms Castiel assured Dean that he’d had fun and even Balthazar managed to thank Dean for the invite.

It took everything in Dean to stay in the car and not walk Castiel up to his door but Balthazar had assured Dean that he’d get Castiel tucked in and Dean felt like he’d used up all the restraint he had in him and wouldn’t be able to be responsible for his actions if Castiel were to touch him in any way that close to Castiel’s bedroom.

Balthazar made good on his word and force fed Castiel water before he got him settled in for the night. At Castiel’s parting words just before the door closed, Balthazar couldn’t help the pity that squeezed in his chest for his friend.

“Wasn’t Dean gorgeous tonight? I really like him.”

***

Castiel woke up with a small smile on his lips and a fuzzy, warm recollection of the night before. Despite the fact he hadn’t expected to enjoy yesterday’s game at all, he had. And it was entirely due to Dean’s patience and the infectious enthusiasm he’d shown as he’d explained the rules to him.

With a quiet yawn, Castiel stretched his arms high above his head. This was one of the first peaceful mornings he’d had in awhile, and he was grateful he’d somehow gotten a reprieve from the erotic dreams about Dean. He was curious about how long they might stay gone for, however. It’d been a couple days since he’d had one, and Castiel didn’t want to admit it, but he sort of missed them.

Which was absolutely stupid after he’d spent so damn long angry and frustrated about them. He was so screwed. Castiel rolled over, buried his face in his pillow for a long moment and breathed before he reached out blindly for his cell phone to check the time.

Normally he didn’t allow himself to sleep in, but he’d gotten in pretty late last night and it wasn’t a school day, so he’d let himself have a morning just to himself. It felt wrong and luxurious and made him equal parts anxious and relieved, which was an odd flux of emotions to feel rapid-cycling through him.

The clock on his phone read ten a.m, and Castiel’s brows shot up. He hadn’t slept that late in, well, ever. He dragged himself up into a sitting position as guilt pooled in his gut. He should have been practicing for a few hours by now.

And then Castiel noticed he had 10 texts, which was unusual, he hardly ever had more than one or two notifications at a time. He scrolled through them. First were Dean’s.

Dean: Hey Cas.

Dean: You up yet?

Dean: What about now?

Dean: Now?

Dean: Okay… you’re weirding me out.

Dean: You ARE still alive in there right? Balthazar says you never sleep in this late.

Warmth suffused Castiel’s chest as he read through Dean’s concerned texts. Warmth that he tried to squash down, because he shouldn’t have been feeling it in the first place. He quickly tapped out a reply to Dean’s messages.

Castiel: Up now. I was just worn out.

Castiel then checked the remaining notifications, all of which were from Balthazar.

Balthazar: Bloody fucking hell Cassie, answer your boyfriend so he stops texting me. You know, the one in the shiny leather coat who’s in lust with you?

Balthazar: I’m beginning to consider picking your lock to check on you.

Balthazar: You gave me a fucking coronary, I’ll have you know. I picked your lock to make sure you were still alive and you didn’t even stir, you gigantic ass. I had to hold a hand above your mouth to make sure you were breathing.

Balthazar: Message me when you wake up.

Castiel smirked at the mental image of Balthazar breaking into his room to check on him, but it really was that out of character for him to sleep in like that.

And then instead of texting Balthazar back Castiel climbed out of bed and pulled on his jeans from the night before to go and check if Balthazar was in their common room before he headed to the bathroom.

Once he’d assured Balthazar, that he was in fact, alive and well, Castiel went about his usual morning routine, and then headed off to a practice room with his cello.

He decided to check his phone one last time before he started to go over the piece he and Michael had been working on. He really hoped Monday would be less frustrating than their practice yesterday had been.

Objectively, Castiel realized that Michael had been right, playing at odd angles like he had to was much more difficult, he just hadn’t expected it would be that hard to adjust. He knew though, that the payoff was definitely going to be worth it, so he promised himself that he would double down on his efforts and work harder.

He glanced at his phone; one notification from Dean lit up the screen.

Dean: Yeah, I figured. Who knew it was so easy to wear you out. ;)

Castiel’s face flushed at the implications in that message, and he steadfastly chose to ignore any possible innuendo.

***

Monday’s practice with Michael was every bit as frustrating as Saturday’s had been. Castiel’s irritation had been palpable, and even Michael’s playful banter hadn’t been enough to soothe him this time.

Castiel knew it would take a lot more frustration before he’d break through, but he couldn’t help the fact that he was angry with himself. He just kept thinking that if he’d been more dedicated, or smarter or better he wouldn’t have made any of the dumb mistakes he’d made. He should’ve been able to learn it faster, to compensate quicker.

He’d been back in his room for an hour and he was still fuming. He’d tried to play something else, just to calm his nerves, but it’d just keyed him up more. Made him think that maybe it wasn’t talent that he had, but that it was all repetition. Why else would it be so easy to play normally, but the second a teensy little variable like placement got thrown in, Castiel was suddenly like a child trying to learn all over again?

So Castiel set his laptop up on his nightstand, grabbed his headphones and turned on the song Dean had composed for him before he threw himself face down on his bed. He closed his eyes and let himself drift, tried to let the haunting melody of the song calm him.  

Once the song had finished, Castiel was at least calm enough that he no longer felt the disturbing urge to smash his cello, so at least there was that.

Out of nowhere, Castiel’s phone vibrated in the pocket of his jeans and he frowned into the pillow before he rolled over to dig it out.

Dean: Balthazar says you’re cranky again. He also assumed it was my fault. Pretty sure it’s not, right?

Castiel rolled his eyes because of course Balthazar had picked up on his mood, and of course he’d accused Dean of causing it. That was just how Castiel’s life seemed to work.

Castiel: No, Dean. It’s not your fault.

Dean: Good. ‘Cause I had to wrack my brain there for a minute. So what’s up?

Castiel debated just telling Dean that he was fine, but he didn’t want to lie to him. Friends didn’t lie to each other about this sort of thing, in Castiel’s experience. He chewed on his nail as he tried to figure out what he should say.

Castiel: Just frustrated with that new piece I’m working on with Michael.

Dean : Ah. Michael.

A strange surge of pleasure rushed through Castiel at those two simple words; they seemed jealous, and even though Castiel knew he shouldn’t, he kind of liked that Dean felt that way. It meant he still had feelings for Castiel and Castiel needed to stop himself right there, because they were just friends damn it.

He shouldn’t want Dean to feel jealous, and even if they were more than friends, which they weren't , Dean wouldn’t have anything to be jealous of because Michael and Castiel were just friends.

Dean: So what has you so down about it?

Castiel: We’re trying a new technique and it’s much more challenging than I envisioned it would be. I feel like I’m never going to get it right.

Dean: That sucks, man. I get how you feel though. When I learned the violin it was hard as fuck. I thought it wouldn’t be that much different than playing the guitar, but it took me a bit to wrap my brain around it and get it right, and I just remember feeling so down about it.

Castiel: How did you get past it?

Dean: Well, I smashed the shit out of my first violin.

Castiel: That sounds like a very destructive way to deal with your frustration.

Dean: Well, I was nine, so impulse control wasn’t exactly my forte.

Castiel: Are you saying it is now?

Dean: Shut up smartass.

Dean: Listen, sometimes shit is hard, and you just gotta keep pushing yourself. You can’t let it bog you down or you’ll never try anything new. And what the hell’s the point of music if you can’t explore new things with it? You’re pretty fuckin’ amazing, Cas. You’ll figure it out.

Something warm filled Castiel’s chest as he read Dean’s words, and he resolved to make sure that Dean’s faith in him wasn’t misplaced. Castiel could do this, he could. Dean believed in him, and for some reason that filled him with a weird sort of confidence that he didn’t want to inspect too closely.

Castiel: Thank you Dean. You’re right.

Dean: ‘Course I am. I’m always right.

Dean: We should play together sometime. Just for fun. I bet it’d sound awesome if I played an acoustic along with you.

The idea of playing with Dean was too tempting to pass up, but Castiel didn’t know if he was strong enough to handle playing with Dean at the moment. He still vividly remembered how mesmerizing Dean had been on stage, and he couldn’t imagine himself even closer to that without wanting to touch and taste and feel and- and Castiel needed to answer Dean. Maybe he ought to keep it vague?

Castiel: I think I’d like that very much.

Dean: Sweet. So, me and the guys are gonna play laser tag on Saturday. Wanna come?

Castiel really, really shouldn’t say yes. He needed to spend his free time practicing. He couldn’t spare an afternoon or evening to play laser tag. But… But Castiel had never had the chance to play laser tag before and he’d always wanted to; it looked fun and he wanted to try it. Maybe if he got up early on Sunday and focused extra hard on practicing he could go?

Castiel: Sure! Sounds fun. I’ve never done it before though.

Dean: Haha. Taking another one of your firsts huh? ;) Why don’t you invite Balthazar and your other friends too? I’ll pick you guys up around 7.

This time Castiel blushed darkly at Dean’s innuendo because it was a little too close to the truth. Dean had taken a lot of Castiel’s firsts. First celebrity crush, first baseball game, first actual crush, first friend he’d wanted to fuck into the mattress, and now first time playing laser tag. Castiel tapped out a quick reply agreeing to the pick up time and then dropped his face back into his pillow and tried to shut off his thoughts.

Chapter Text

Impressed, Castiel looked around the lobby at the laser tag place. It was totally deserted other than their ragtag group made up of Dean’s fellow band members, a few of their friends and Castiel’s friends. He wondered if that was weird for a Saturday night. Shouldn’t it be busier?

“Is it normally this quiet here on a Saturday?” Castiel asked Dean and Dean chuckled a bit.

“We booked a private party, Cas. If people found out we were here, this place would be swarming with teenage girls right now.” Dean said wryly.

“Oh. Right.” Castiel replied, felt just a little ridiculous for not realizing that on his own because of course Dean and his band couldn’t just go play laser tag randomly.

“We’ve got the place to ourselves for an hour and a half to give us a buffer. Play time is an hour. There’s a fifteen minute intro where they go over the rules and shit, and then we have forty-five minutes to run around in the dark shootin’ each other with lasers. It’s pretty fuckin’ awesome. Me ‘n Sam usually pick our teams.” Dean informed him then added,  “Don’t worry, I’ll totally pick you first.” when he saw the concern on Castiel’s face.

Castiel nodded absently, he wasn’t really concerned about whose team he’d be on, more that he was worried he’d be terrible at it. He’d never shot a gun, real or fake or laser before, and he didn’t know if he’d be any good. Then again, it couldn’t be that hard to aim the end at someone and squeeze a trigger, right?

A moment later a cheerful young blonde woman with a big smile led them into a holding room, where she told them she’d go over the rules.

“Okay, guys and girls! I’m Becky, welcome to Extreme Laser Tag! I’m so excited for you because it’s gonna be awesome! So, let’s go over the rules! I know, boo, hiss, but we do have a few! First of all, no touching other players; In other words, no tackling, hitting, grabbing, this is a totally hands-off game for everyone’s safety!” She stopped to look at them seriously before she smiled again.

“Second, once we go into the next room, you’ll get to pick out your vests! Each phaser has a code name on it, check it out so you can see your score after the game! Third, the phasers are two handed, which means you need to keep one hand on the bottom of the barrel and one on the trigger for it to work, if your hand isn’t under the barrel, it won’t fire, so don’t forget that!”

Becky paused to take a deep breath, and then kept up her spiel, “Remember, for your shot to tag out your opponent, it’s gotta hit them in the chest, the two shoulder sensors or the back. If you get tagged, you’ll need to head to one of the two re-up stations. There’s one on each side of the arena, they’re marked with a neon orange triangle. Just stand in front of it until your sensors light up again and then you can get right back in the action! You can also score points by taking over the opposing team’s base by shooting it. Bases are lit up with a green circle. It’ll change to red if it’s captured, and then you’ll have to shoot it to claim it back again. Other safety rules: No running, no climbing, no lying down, no dropping or damaging the equipment, which is honestly self-explanatory, but I have to say it anyway. Oh! And watch out for the sweeping red lights, they’ll tag you out too. And that’s it guys! Who’s ready to head into the other room and pick teams?”

A chorus of cheers went up and Castiel smiled at everyone’s excitement. Becky had been way too chipper for his tastes, but she’d certainly managed to pump up the mood. She held open the door on the far wall for them and they followed her through to a dark room with two long rows of hooks from which hung a row of vests with blue sensors and a row of vests with yellow sensors.

“I call blue team!” Dean exclaimed and Sam crossed his arms in reaction.

“Fine, then I get to choose first!” Sam declared.

“No way, Bitch!” Dean objected.

“Yes way, Jerk!” Sam replied as he glared at his brother.

“Rock, paper, scissors?” Dean offered and Sam grinned like he’d already won, but Dean had a good feeling about this time.

“Yeah, sure Dean.” Sam said cheerfully.

Dean’s good feeling turned out to be crap, because he lost, hard.

“Dean, always with the scissors.” Sam laughed gleefully.

“Shut up, Samantha!” Dean replied as he glared at Sam.

“Yeah? Just for that, I choose Cas.” Sam declared as he smiled triumphantly at Dean.

Castiel tilted his head curiously at Sam, but he chose not to interrupt, and walked over to stand next to the yellow vests. So much for Dean teaching him how to play.

“Yeah? Then I choose Jess!” Dean exclaimed and when Sam smirked at him Dean blushed because he'd chosen Sam’s significant other in retaliation, which implied that Castiel was his.

“Ooo. I love it when we compete against each other, babe.” Jess told Sam with a smile as she moved to stand next to Dean.

Dean rolled his eyes, then flapped his hand in a get-on-with-it motion at Sam.

“Jo.” Sam called, and Jo smirked at Dean, shit, Jo was the best player out of all of them.

“Charlie.” Dean said; he was banking on the fact that Jo might take it easy on Charlie, but he also knew Charlie could hold her own.

Castiel watched the selections continue until the teams had been formed. On the yellow team were Sam, Jo, Balthazar, Sam’s friend Garth, Hannah, and Castiel.

The blue team was made up of Dean, Jess, Charlie, Benny, Kevin and Jess’s friend Lisa, who’d grumbled about being chosen last and Castiel admitted to himself that he already didn’t like the way she seemed to be sizing Dean up.

Everyone grabbed a vest, and there was a lot of laughter as they all read off their code names. Castiel ended up with The Predator and Dean wound up with The Dark Knight, which he seemed rather pleased with. Sam grumbled when he read his code name, because it wasn’t half as cool as theirs, and who wanted to be codenamed Moose.

“Whaddya mean? It suits you, Sammy.” Dean said with a laugh.

“Oh yeah? Well, we’ll see who’s laughing when my team kicks your team’s collective ass.” Sam challenged and Dean rolled his eyes, because as if.

“Whatever, Sammy, you know I’m gonna kick your ass.” Dean replied before his eyes flicked over to where Castiel was nervously strapping his vest on and then it was Sam’s turn to roll his eyes when Dean approached Castiel and helped him with the straps like Dean thought Castiel had never done up a buckle before.

“Don’t worry, Cas. I’ll go easy on you.” Dean said quietly with a lopsided smile. “It bein’ your first time and all.”

Castiel’s eyes narrowed. Sure it might be his first time playing laser tag, but he wasn’t an idiot, and he didn’t need Dean to go easy on him.

“That’s okay, Dean.” Castiel said with confidence he only barely felt. “I’m pretty sure I’m the one who’ll need to go easy on you.”

“He’s not lying.” Balthazar cut in with a smirk on his face. “Our little Cassie here, has a competitive streak a mile wide. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he got in there and turned into some sort of a G.I Joe.”

“That right?” Dean asked Castiel as an amused grin spread across his lips.

Castiel’s eyes narrowed further, oh, it was on. He didn’t care what it took, he needed to win this thing.

Dean’s grin just spread wider and he held his hands up in mock surrender as he backed over to his team. 

“Is everyone all strapped in and ready to start?” Becky chirped excitedly and when she was met by a round of cheers she swung open the door on the far side of the wall that led into the arena. “Alright! You’ll have about a minute to get as far from the other team as you can and then when the buzzer goes off, your phasers will be active! Have fun!!!”

Dean flashed Castiel a grin before he jogged off into the dark with his team, and Castiel rolled his eyes before he followed Sam off toward their end of the arena. Pretty massive, dark but lit up with splotches of glow in the dark paint and blacklights, the room was made up of mazes and corners to hide in. Some of the walls had holes in them to shoot through, and there were lights sweeping the room periodically.

Castiel’s heart rate kicked up a notch and he realized he was excited. He might not have had much of a clue about how this was gonna go, but he was already having fun. He glanced over to Balthazar who smiled fondly at him and ruffled his hair.

“Alright guys, who’s gonna guard the base?” Sam asked seriously as they paced toward their glowing green circle.

“I’ll do it!” Hannah offered eagerly.

“I’ll be her wingman.” Garth piped up. “The two of us oughta be enough to keep it safe.”

Sam nodded, and then the buzzer went off and the lights flashed quickly before they dimmed.

“Okay guys, let’s split up and take those losers out!” Sam whispered loudly.

Everyone nodded and then they were off. Castiel gripped his gun tightly in his hands as he walked stealthily toward the other end of the of the arena, adrenaline flooded his system and made him hyper-aware of every little noise.

It didn’t help Castiel at all though, when Dean popped up silently behind him, tagged him out with a well placed shot to the back and then let out a throaty chuckle before he ducked back into a maze.

“One nothing Cas!” Dean called over his shoulder and Castiel glared as he headed toward the glowing orange triangle closest to him.

Castiel’s motivation to beat Dean cranked up another notch. He re-upped and then went off in search of Dean. Instead he stumbled across Balthazar as he attempted to sneak up on Kevin, Charlie and Benny, who were huddled around their base, defending it. Balthazar waved his hand to indicate Castiel should go around the other side of the wall, and they could surprise them.

Balthazar lept out first and drew their attention, all three of them shot at him and then Castiel ducked out around the other side of the wall and shot out Benny, Kevin and then Charlie rapid-fire before any of them could react. Proudly, Castiel grinned over to Balthazar as their opponents grumbled and headed off to re-up.

“Shoot the base, Cassie. I’m out.” Balthazar said with a smile.

Castiel nodded and did as he was told. The lights flashed above the base and then it switched to red. Castiel’s eyes flew to Balthazar’s as he realized the rest of the blue team would have been alerted to their location.

Balthazar headed toward the re-up station and Castiel jogged away from the base, wound through mazes to put some distance between him and it. Nearly silent, Castiel came around a corner, gun raised and stopped just short of colliding with Sam who beamed widely at him.

“Did you just get out their base?” Sam whispered and when Castiel nodded his smile widened further and he gave Castiel a quick thumbs up. “Dean’s over behind that wall, just waiting to ambush someone. Whaddya say I walk by and lure him out so you can shoot his smug ass?”

“Sounds good.” Castiel whispered back, and then they put Sam’s plan to action.

Everything went exactly the way Sam planned, and Castiel easily tagged Dean out. Dean glared at him when Castiel called out “One-One” before he rushed off again.

After that, Dean and Castiel focused most of their attention on each other, both of them more competitive with each out and by the time that the five minute warning buzzed, they were still tied, just at a higher level.

Castiel stood at the re-up station and as soon as his vest lit up, he ducked off to find Dean for the tie breaker, which he needed to win. Over in a corner, Castiel spotted Dean’s back, and he could have shot him out from there, but he wanted to really rub salt in the wound. He grinned to himself as he snuck closer.

As he approached, though, the grin fell from Castiel’s face. A small, delicate hand ran up Dean’s arm to the back of his neck and tugged him down. Then Lisa pushed up onto her tiptoes and leaned in close to whisper something to Dean. Jealousy coiled violently in the pit of Castiel’s stomach and he didn’t like the feeling at all. 

So, he tried to squash it down by tagging both of them out, but even though he’d broken the tie with the winning shot, he didn’t feel like he’d won. All he felt was irritation and a touch of self-recrimination as he tried to remind himself for what felt like the thousandth time that he and Dean were just friends.

Dean was allowed to flirt with whomever he wanted, and that had been Castiel’s decision, so he couldn’t blame Dean. It didn’t stop the dark mass that twisted in his gut though, and as they filed out of the room Castiel wasn’t really tuned into Dean bemoaning his fortune or Sam congratulating him.

“What’s going on, Cassie?” Balthazar asked later before they piled into Dean’s car.

“What do you mean?” Castiel asked, confused.

“He means, what’s got you all-” Dean flapped a hand at Castiel. “Ya know.”

“Oh, nothing.” Castiel replied as he looked away from both of them. “I’m just tired. I need some sleep so I can get up early tomorrow. Michael and I have a practice together, and I need to get some solo practice in first.”

Dean hummed, but didn’t address his statement about his plans. Balthazar however, scrutinized his face closely before he shrugged a shoulder.

Shortly after that, their attention was drawn to Lisa as she sidled up to stand uncomfortably close to Dean.

“We’re headed out, so I wanted to come say goodbye.” She smiled up at Dean through her lashes as she leaned in a fraction closer when she lowered her voice. “And to tell you to call. Anytime.”

She gave Dean a peck on the cheek as she pulled away and Dean rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. Lisa had always been a little pushy and he wasn’t her biggest fan. Especially not at the moment; Castiel stood next to him with a tight smile glued to his face, and Dean got the distinct feeling that Castiel was jealous.

He brushed the thought away though, because Castiel wanted to be friends and friends didn’t get jealous when their friend got hit on by a pretty girl, right?

Chapter Text

Dean couldn’t shake his nerves. This is stupid, this is nothing. I've played with friends plenty of times.

Some of his favorite memories were just sitting around someone’s living room jamming. So why, as he stood outside the door to Castiel’s suite with his guitar in hand after he’d conned another coed into letting him in the residence floors, couldn’t Dean bring himself to knock?

Sure it was the ass crack of dawn, at least compared to Dean’s normal waking hours, but he’d figured if he wanted to play with Castiel today he’d have to catch him early. Castiel had mentioned he'd have to spend a good portion of the the day practicing with Michael, which had nothing to do with him showing up right then, thank you very much, so if Dean wanted to convince Castiel to play with him he’d needed to get there with plenty of time before Castiel had planned to leave.

Based on several of the texts Castiel had sent in the past, Dean knew that he was an early riser so he wasn’t worried about waking him. Just that Castiel might not want to play with him.

Finally, he screwed up the courage to knock, ran through the ‘casual conversation’ he’d rehearsed to explain his presence there. That all kind of crumbled when the door opened though and Balthazar suddenly stood in front of him with a knowing smirk. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that Balthazar had been watching out the peep hole as Dean mouthed the words.

“Well, look who it is. Finally gathered the nerve to knock I see?” Balthazar said with a grin. When Dean raised an eyebrow in question Balthazar rolled his eyes. “You pace very loudly friend. Get quieter boots.”

Balthazar stood back, held the door open and allowed Dean to walk through. Curiously, Dean looked around but there was no sign of Castiel. Then the soft song of a bow as it pulled across strings drifted from down the hall. His eyes went like lasers to Castiel’s door. With mild amusement, Balthazar watched as Dean stared and a plan formed in his mind.

“Come Dean, I’m sure Cassie will be thrilled to see you.” Balthazar said and his voice dripped with mischief as he spoke but Dean was too focused on the beautiful sound that was coming from behind the door across the common area to catch it.

Gently, Balthazar steered Dean by the elbow to stand in front of the door. What Dean expected was for Balthazar to knock but instead he pulled out a keychain. He separated a couple of long thin pieces of metal from the keys and inserted them into the lock of the door.

By the time Dean realized what Balthazar was doing it was too late. The door swung open and Dean damn near lost his mind at what he saw; Castiel was seated behind his cello. His head tipped forward just a little, his eyes closed as he drew his bow across the strings. The music was beautiful but it was nothing compared to Castiel.

He’d clearly just rolled out of bed and gone straight to his instrument. He was dressed in loose grey pajama pants and nothing else. The morning sun drifted in and painted his skin with a golden glow. Gorgeous and completely oblivious to them, Dean should’ve said something. Should’ve announced their presence, but he just watched Castiel play; the way his muscles glided under his sunkissed skin as his strong arms and calloused fingers pulled each soulful note from the strings.

The emotions that danced across Castiel’s face while he played made Dean’s heart soar and weep at the same time. He’d genuinely never seen a more beautiful sight in his whole damn life.

When Balthazar eventually cleared his throat, Castiel stopped playing, and he looked up, eyes still glazed over from being wrapped up in his music, and in that moment, Dean could have happily strangled Balthazar. That desire tripled when Castiel’s eyes grew wide as they landed on Dean where he stood with equally big eyes and an open mouth.

“Dean, what... what are you... Shit, hold on. Lemme get dressed.” Castiel began to rise from his seat as he spoke.

“No!” All three men startled at the intensity of that one word as it left Dean’s lips. “I mean, I didn’t come over to screw up your routine. I know you’ve got crap to do today, I thought I’d catch you before you headed out, see if you wanted to... wanted to maybe play a little with me- music... play music.”

Dean lifted up his guitar case to indicate what he was clearly having trouble communicating through words. Slowly, Castiel sat back down, his discomfort at his state of dress showed.

Balthazar looked back and forth between them as they remained where they were in silence and then he rolled his eyes.

“I’ll just leave you two at it then, shall I?” Balthazar said with just a touch of amusement in his voice.

A quick about face and Balthazar walked out, closed the door behind himself. For a moment neither of them moved or spoke. Then they both burst out at once.

“Sorry for just showing up-”

“So what did you want to pl-”

Silence returned, this time more comfortable as they smiled softly at each other. It was just a pause as Dean waited for Castiel to speak, and Castiel did the same for Dean.

Finally, Dean was the one who shattered the quiet.

“Well I know you can kill some Michael Jackson; Think we could do They Don’t Care About Us? Or is that too much for you to handle this early in the morning?” Dean asked with a lopsided grin.

Damn if the flare of challenge that lit in Castiel’s eyes didn’t make Dean weak at the knees.

“I think I can handle it.” Castiel said, his voice still low and rough from sleep, his eyes narrowed down on Dean.

Some of the fire fled from Castiel’s eyes and instead, heat moved to his cheeks when they both realized the only place for Dean to sit was on Castiel’s still unmade bed.

Quickly, Dean sat down before Castiel had a chance to rise and offer up his seat. Dean figured it would be a hell of a lot more comfortable for him to sit there with his guitar than for Castiel to sit there with his cello.

After Dean got his guitar out of it's case, and settled it across his lap, he looked back up at Castiel, a smirk playing on his lips.

“Tell me if I’m going too fast for you, sweetheart.” Dean said with a wink.

Castiel's body instantly shifted into position at the barb, primed to play, ready to make Dean eat his words as the need to be better burned low in his belly.

Dean started to tap out the beginning rhythm of the song on the body of his guitar. Their eyes locked as bow and fingers found string and they began to play.

(X)

At first it was business as usual, both of them rose to the challenge as they ripped the music from their instruments. Then as they progressed they found a rhythm that was less like fighting against each other and more like pounding into one another and suddenly it was as if they were moving together.

The notes joined to form a dominating force and then one of them eased off, allowed the other to take command for a time. Each note built as the fervor of the music took them over. Sweat formed on both of them; across Dean’s brow and neck and all over Castiel’s bare torso, as their muscles flexed and danced.

Dean’s eyes darted from the pink of Castiel’s lips and cheeks, to his sleep-mussed hair, his firm chest, his arms, his fingers, everything about him was so fucking hot right then. Need pulsed under Dean’s skin and the fact that he remained seated, kept playing, was a goddamn testament to his self-control, because Dean needed to touch Castiel like he needed fucking air.

Blue eyes locked onto green in a way that wouldn’t break, not even if the walls fell down around them. Intense desire flared in them as they watched each other play.

Castiel stared as Dean’s eyes darkened with lust; Dean’s tongue flicked out to wet his lips and Castiel’s parted as a surge of carnal hunger sparked in his gut. He swallowed hard, felt light-headed and hot all over, and how his body kept going through the motions when his brain completely caught on Dean was a fucking mystery.

Then the notes stilled as the song came to an end. Castiel and Dean sat there, just watched each other as their chests rose and fell heavily with each panting breath. The moment stretched taut between them like any little thing might shatter everything.

Dean’s eyes flew wide when Castiel’s instrument clattered to the floor and only the edge of the bed slowed it’s fall enough to save it from damage. Then Castiel was on his feet; he moved fluidly, closed the space between them in the rapid span of seconds. That movement was all the warning Dean had before he found himself pinned to the bed, the guitar pressed between their bodies as Castiel’s lips crashed hard against his.

Castiel’s fists were balled up so tightly in the fabric of Dean’s shirt as he held him down that Dean actually heard the soft rip of it's fabric. A frenzied rush of arousal swept through Dean at the sound, fuck that’s hot, and then Castiel’s tongue slid roughly into his mouth and Dean didn’t think much after that because there was no way he could think when Castiel licked and sucked and nipped at his mouth in one of the hottest kisses he’d ever been party to.

Hotly, Castiel groaned into Dean’s mouth, he needed to be closer to Dean, now, but the fucking guitar was in the way, and he didn’t want to pull back long enough to push it out from between them.

And then Dean shifted a little, pushed, and it slipped from where it’d been trapped onto the floor and there was nothing to stop Castiel from dropping down to slot their bodies together and Jesus fucking Christ, Dean’s hard body against Castiel’s was perfect and warm and when Dean rolled his hips up, ground his hard cock against Castiel’s thigh, possessive need ignited in Castiel.

“Dean.” Castiel breathed fervently against Dean’s lips.

Didn’t even hesitate, though he’d never done this before, he hadn’t had time and yet his body instinctively knew how to thrust down against Dean. Pleasure seared through him at the friction and pressure. Fuck, he’d never wanted anything, anyone, as much as he wanted Dean.

Dean gasped as Castiel rocked against him; the hard drag of Castiel’s cock over his was torturous with all the layers of clothing between them, and Dean’s hands slipped down the back of Castiel’s pants, palmed his firm ass. God, his ass is fucking perfect.

“Just, ah, just like that, Cas. So, mmm, so fucking good.” Dean groaned when Castiel broke the kiss to pant into Dean’s mouth while Dean’s hands on his ass pulled him in, ratcheted up the pressure and guided Castiel into an obscene grind that lit them both up with heat and lust.

“Dean, I want… I need.. Ah!” Castiel groaned as Dean circled his hips just right.

Just like that, Castiel’s tenuous control snapped, and he sucked Dean’s lower lip into his mouth, bit down just shy of painful before he kissed Dean deep and hard and goddamn filthy and then propped himself up on his forearms while his hands tangled in Dean’s hair.

Skitters of pleasure shivered down Dean’s back at Castiel’s grip on his hair and fuck, Dean always topped, always. The kinds of relationships he’d had in the past hadn’t really brimmed with trust, so despite a persistent curiosity Dean had never, not even once considered bottoming for someone.

Fuck if there wasn’t something about Castiel though, that had Dean needy and wanting in a way he’d never been before. His mind filled with image after image of Castiel’s fingers sliding into him, Castiel’s cock, hard and hot, slamming into his ass, making him moan and beg and all of the things Dean would never admit he secretly loved doing and fuck, he wanted- needed that.

Dean tilted his head back and freed his mouth, sucked in a desperate gasp of air and Castiel took the opportunity to fasten his lips to Dean’s neck. Sucked on Dean’s pulse point, not quite hard enough to mark. Bliss burned white hot through Dean and God, he wanted that, wanted Castiel to leave little claims all over his body.

“Cas- Castiel.” Dean groaned. “Want, God, I want you to fuck me.”

Feverishly, arousal spiked through Castiel’s veins at Dean’s words, and his hands clenched involuntarily in Dean’s hair, made him stutter out a gasp. Was Castiel ready for that? He’d never even gone this far before, sex was almost a foreign concept thanks to years of it being drilled into his head that it was only a distraction.

One look down at Dean’s flushed face, his green eyes needy and wrecked and Castiel knew he couldn’t stop himself. He didn’t want to.

Castiel practically growled, “I would love to fuck you.”

“Good.” Dean replied smoothly. “Clothes. Off. Now.”

And he tugged on Castiel’s pajama bottoms for good measure. Castiel sucked in a sharp breath, and helped Dean push his bottoms off his legs until he was completely naked on top of a fully clothed Dean.

“Naughty, Cas. No underwear this morning?” Dean teased with a hungry grin on his face as his hands slid over Castiel’s bare back, and down over the recently revealed flesh of his ass.

“You’re lucky I had pants on this early.” Castiel deadpanned and Dean chuckled.

“Mmm. Now there’s a mental image I’m gonna file away for later.” Dean smirked.

Castiel opened his mouth to reply, but Dean suddenly, expertly, flipped them over so that Castiel was beneath him. He’d just barely gotten his bearings back when Dean leaned up and pulled the dark t-shirt he’d been wearing off. God, Dean was perfect, toned chest and arms, flat stomach, and a trail of coarse hair from his navel that dipped below his jeans. 

Castiel had all of five seconds to feel vulnerable before Dean crashed back down onto him and kissed him until he was breathless with need. Dean mumbled words like so hot, and fuck you’re sexy between kisses.

It wasn’t until Dean dragged his lips along the stubble on Castiel’s jaw, and down his neck that a sudden thought struck Castiel. His eyes flew open, and focused on the ceiling.

Castiel’s cheeks burned with the admission, “Dean... I don’t, um, I don’t have any condoms.”

“Shit.” Dean replied, because normally he carried them everywhere with him, little trial size packets of lube too for that matter, but he hadn’t gotten laid in weeks, and he definitely hadn’t let himself consider getting laid today but maybe, just maybe he still had supplies in the glovebox of the Impala? And maybe if they were extra lucky they wouldn’t be expired. Though, a car probably wasn’t the best place to store them. “I might, I mean, there might be some in the glovebox of my car. Don’t quote me on that, but I could run down and check?”

Castiel frowned, he’d need to get dressed and take Dean down to his car to ensure he could get back in. And then an idea struck him.

“Balthazar.” Castiel said excitedly.

“What about him?” Dean asked with a raised brow.

“He’ll have the necessary supplies. I could go get them and be back in a few minutes.” Castiel replied with a smile.

And then it was Dean’s turn to frown as he ran his eyes over what he could see of Castiel’s naked body. It would be a goddamn shame to stuff all that glory back into pants. No, Dean liked Castiel where he was. He could go get what they needed, Dean was shaking his head before he even started to speak. 

“No way, you’re perfect right where you are. Lemme go see if I can charm some condoms and lube out of Balthazar.” Dean said with an impish smile.

“Just the condoms.” Castiel told Dean and he flushed darker before he admitted that he had his own lube.

Dean nodded silently with a smirk as he got off the bed and headed for the door.

***

Dean knocked on the door next to Castiel’s and Balthazar popped his head out to see what was going on. He grinned when he noticed Dean’s state of undress.

“No. Shhh.” Balthazar hushed Dean as he opened his mouth to speak. “Let me guess. Things with Cassie have taken a decidedly heated turn? And you’ve come to… well… honestly, I haven’t the slightest why you’d be at my door if that were the case. I give up.”

Dean glared at Balthazar for a beat until he remembered he needed to be nice if he wanted to get lucky with Castiel this morning.

“I’m here because Castiel doesn’t have any condoms and-” Balthazar cut Dean off with a loud laugh.

“Of course, Castiel doesn’t have any condoms, why on earth would you assume he did?” Balthazar was smirking, and Dean had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from being rude.

“I didn’t plan this.” Dean admitted instead. “If I’d known it was going to happen, I’d have brought everything we needed. But I didn’t, so Cas wanted me to see if you had some you might be willing to part with.”

Balthazar studied Dean’s face calculatingly as he considered whether or not he should ante up. He had been trying to get Castiel laid for forever, but this was much more than sex, at least for Castiel. Balthazar could tell that much, what he wasn’t sure of, though, were Dean’s feelings.

“I might have some condoms I’d be willing to sacrifice. But-” Balthazar stated. “First, I’d like to know what your intentions are with Cassie.”

“My- my intentions. Are you serious right now?” Dean scoffed.

“Deadly. Cassie’s like a brother to me, and if you think I’m going to stand idly by while you break his heart, you’re sadly mistaken. So tell me, what do you intend to do with him?” Balthazar asked, face severe.

Dean gaped for a second and then inhaled deeply through his nose to keep from blurting out something insulting. Balthazar might have a point though, what was Dean after? Because honestly, it’d stopped being mainly about sex a while ago for Dean. Then again neither of them had time for something committed and meaningful, did they?

“I don’t, um, I don’t really know. It’s not just sex though, for me.” Dean hastened to assure Balthazar. “I care about, Cas, a lot but it’s not, we didn’t really talk about it and-”

“You can stop.” Balthazar cut him off taking pity on Dean’s bungled attempt to describe his feelings; it was pretty painful to watch. “That’s really all I need to know.”

Balthazar turned and retrieved a box of condoms and tossed the pack to Dean with a smirk.

“Just remember, hurt him, and I’ll be forced to do something I’m sure we’ll both regret tremendously.” Balthazar threatened vaguely and Dean raised an eyebrow. “It’s much too early in the morning for me to effectively threaten, just rest assured that it would be fairly unpleasant.”

***

Castiel stared at his bedroom door while he waited for Dean to return. The second Dean had disappeared behind the closed door nervousness had crept slowly up on him. What was he doing? What were they doing?

Worry bubbled up inside of him and he sat himself back against the headboard, he felt too exposed suddenly. What if he hurt Dean? It wasn’t like Castiel knew what he was doing; What if he did something stupid or something wrong and Dean laughed at him?

Dean had so much experience that Castiel couldn’t imagine anything he could do that would compete with Dean’s past lovers, who were probably way more experienced than Castiel too. I’m nothing like the people he sleeps with. I don’t know how to do this. Let’s face it, porn’s probably only so accurate...

Despite his thoughts, heat still thrummed under Castiel’s skin, and his erection showed absolutely no signs of flagging, which didn’t surprise him, really, because he still felt Dean’s body pressed against his, still tasted Dean on his lips.

Before Castiel knew it, Dean walked back through the door with a triumphant grin, a box of condoms clutched in his hand. Castiel’s hesitation must have shown on his face, because Dean stopped short, and the grin disappeared from his face. Dean’s shoulders slumped a little, and something in Castiel's chest tugged at the sight as Dean almost physically shrank into himself.

“Cas, please… I need you.” Dean murmured nearly inaudibly while his face flushed a delicate pink and that, well that just pushed buttons Castiel hadn’t even known he had.

Heat surged in his gut and the need to see Dean fall apart around him doubled at the sound of Dean’s voice as he practically begged him. Without a doubt, Castiel knew that he needed to hear Dean beg again, and again and again, because there was honestly no sweeter fucking sound than Dean breathy and needy and desperate for him.

Castiel was off the bed and across the room before his brain caught up to the rest of him. He backed Dean against the door possessively, and Dean went without even an ounce of fight.

My god that’s hot. Dean just giving in to me like that, just letting himself be pushed up against the door. Jesus.

Castiel leaned in close until their lips were almost but not quite touching. Kept his eyes locked onto the deep green of Dean’s as he breathed hot and damp against the sensitive skin of Dean’s parted lips. One of Castiel’s hands moved up and popped the button on Dean’s jeans while his other hand settled against the side of Dean’s neck.

A sharp exhale escaped Dean when Castiel slowly, purposefully, tugged his zipper down and the heat and tension between them stretched so tight it sang. Castiel drew the moment out, prolonged the anticipation until Dean couldn’t take it anymore and he pushed forward, tried to crush their lips together, but Castiel pulled back just enough to keep Dean from kissing him.

Low in his throat, Dean let out a little soft sound as his eyes flicked longingly down to Castiel’s lips. Pleased, Castiel smirked and didn’t that just send a rush of heat straight to Dean’s dick.

“Cas…” Dean pleaded. “Please.”

Contentedly, Castiel hummed as he finally leaned forward, dragged his tongue over Dean’s lips with barely there pressure. Dean’s eyes fluttered closed while Castiel gradually swept his tongue into Dean’s mouth to flick and brush against his and every sensation was laced with desire. God, it was so good. Castiel was so good.

The need to feel Castiel’s hand on his cock scorched through Dean, everything Castiel did left him breathless and wanting. Fuck, he’d known Castiel would be hot in the bedroom; he’d seen it the moment he’d seen him playing his cello in the park, but this was a whole other level of fucking hot.

Castiel pressed his hand forward into Dean’s jeans and he squeezed Dean’s cock through his boxer-briefs. Just like he would’ve done if he was teasing himself, and it worked just the same for Dean; his hips rocked into the pressure, and he groaned as he chased the friction he desperately needed.

Abruptly, Castiel pulled away, and Dean nearly whined at the loss as Castiel took the box of condoms from him.

Every little sound Dean made not only turned Castiel on, but amped up Castiel’s daring. He might never have done this before, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be good at it. He’d seen enough porn, heard enough stories from friends to put two and two together. Couldn’t be that hard, right?

“I want you naked, in my bed, right now.” Castiel demanded, and Dean nodded his agreement, that sounded like a good fuckin' plan to him.

So Dean scrambled to comply; toed off his boots and socks, and then peeled down his jeans and underwear at the same time. When he stood back up, clothes discarded, he felt the weight of Castiel’s eyes like an electric current as they traveled from his bare feet up over his legs and then fixated on his cock; hard and heavy, curved just slightly up toward his abdomen.

Unfairly hot, Castiel licked his lips and Dean’s cock twitched in reaction. A bead of precome pearled at the tip and the corner of Castiel’s mouth turned up in a faint smile that made Dean ache with want.

“Dean.” Castiel’s tone was low and the heat in his voice shivered through Dean; Castiel had no idea where this sudden confidence came from, but he wasn’t complaining. “Bed. Don’t make me ask again.

Dean wanted to ask ‘or what’, but his throat was suddenly dry because fuck, Castiel’s voice like that was downright sinful. So he just nodded, walked over and climbed onto the bed until he was spread out in the center of it.

When Dean settled onto his bed, Castiel swallowed hard; Dean naked was goddamn glorious. Dean naked and obeying Castiel’s orders? There wasn’t even a word for how fucking perfectly damn hot that was.

Is Dean always this pliant in bed? Does he always like to be bossed around?

Because there was absolutely no doubt in Castiel’s mind that Dean enjoyed being told what to do every bit as much as Castiel found that he enjoyed telling him what to do. As Castiel moved to the nightstand and pulled out the small bottle of Astroglide he kept in there, Dean’s eyes followed him.

He snapped the drawer closed and then while Castiel paused, Dean let himself really take him in; His cheeks were pink, his tanned skin glistened slightly with sweat that curled his hair just a little bit, his eyes were dark, demanding. Kiss-swollen lips that Dean wanted back against his, badly. His cock was goddamn perfect; Thick, average length, cut, flushed dark and shiny with precome, basically exactly the kind of cock Dean fantasized about.

A flash of giddy excitement bubbled in Dean’s stomach; that cock was going to be inside of him. Dean had done a lot of stuff, a metric fuck-ton really, he’d even used toys on himself once in awhile but he’d never done that, not with a real cock and he couldn’t fucking wait.

“You plannin’ to come over here? Or are you just gonna watch me all day?” Dean questioned cockily in an attempt to hurry Castiel.

Instead, Castiel’s nostrils flared, and his eyes narrowed as they flashed back up to Dean’s, “Just for that I think I’ll take my time,” Castiel informed him and Dean pouted.

So slow it should have been criminal, Castiel moved onto the bed, crawled over Dean and held his eyes the whole time. Then he bent down to skim a barely there kiss to Dean’s lips before he pressed a trail of hot, open-mouthed kisses down Dean’s neck, over his chest.

Another soft breathy sound eased out of Dean at the first touch of lips and tongue to his skin, he arched into it as his body sought friction that Castiel insisted upon denying him.

Mercilessly, Castiel licked and teased each of Dean’s nipples until they were hardened, over-sensitive, and Dean writhed restlessly beneath him, ecstasy a steady hum under his skin. A sharp breath left Dean's lungs when Castiel pushed up onto his knees and looked heatedly down at him again, pinned him with his stunningly intense eyes.

“Do you have any idea how fucking good you look like this, Dean?” Castiel asked huskily before he dropped back down to trail his tongue hot and wet down Dean’s abdomen in a tantalizing path to his hipbones.

Pleasure, rich and thick, twined its way along Dean’s nerve endings with every pass of Castiel’s lips and tongue, spiked violently with the scrape of his teeth. So fucking hot.

The salty taste of Dean’s skin was heady and erotic as it mingled with the perfect little noises Dean made whenever Castiel found a particularly sensitive spot. Pride at his ability to please Dean rocketed through Castiel. There was something damn near intoxicating about getting to map out Dean’s body with his lips and tongue and teeth.

Castiel’s own cock throbbed for attention, but he was too caught up in Dean’s body to do anything about his own.

Dean moaned loud and low when Castiel licked and sucked along his hipbones, little shocks of bliss snaked through his body. A soft scrape of Castiel's teeth gently over the bone and Dean bucked involuntarily, his breathing turned shallow. Fuck, it felt so good, and Dean just wanted more.

With a soft kiss just under Dean’s belly button, Castiel gripped Dean’s hips and pinned them to the bed before he brought his mouth just above the head of Dean’s cock. He caught Dean’s eyes and the lust that burned in them almost changed his mind, almost made him give in, he badly wanted to taste Dean’s hard cock, the tip of it weeped as Castiel just teased him with hot breath.

Apprehension stalled Castiel a little, what if he was no good at this, but then, he’d been doing a damn fine job of figuring it out up until then, right? Dean certainly hadn't been complaining and Castiel wanted this, wanted to give Dean this.

Castiel’s lips were so close, so fucking close to his dick, and Dean bit his lip, he was on the verge of begging again, didn’t want to give in to it, but fuck, those soft full pink lips were right fucking there, and it would feel so goddamn good to sink his cock into the wet heat of Castiel’s mouth.

“Cas…” Dean panted. “Please. Just please.”

When Castiel’s tongue darted out teasingly to slide over the head of his cock, dipped into the slit before his lips followed in a gentle kiss, Dean basically fell apart.

“Cas, fuck!” Dean cried out as Castiel swirled his tongue once over the head of his cock before he pulled away.

Confidence surged in Castiel; he felt powerful, seductive, with Dean a needy mess beneath him. Eagerly, he continued his exploration, slid lower and sucked one of Dean’s balls into his mouth before he released it and gently sucked in the other.

Dean gripped the sheets on Castiel’s bed, he needed something to hold on to, something to keep him from reaching down and pulling Castiel’s head back where he desperately wanted it.

“Cas, Cas, I-I need you to fuck me. Please.” Dean begged. “I really, I just, I wanna feel your, ah, your cock, Cas. Please.”

Fuck, was there anything hotter than Dean Winchester begging for his cock?

“Soon.” Castiel assured him. “I promise, okay?”

Dean nodded shakily and Castiel bit his lip at the sight. He wasn’t quite done exploring Dean’s body, not yet, and since he’d decided he was fully committed to this, he wanted to do everything.

Castiel pushed Dean’s legs wide, pushed his thighs up and exposed Dean’s ass; there was something he wanted to try. Castiel slid down the bed until his face hovered just over Dean’s hole.

“Cas, what are you-?” Dean started, but then Castiel’s tongue lapped slowly over Dean’s puckered rim and Dean couldn’t breathe because that felt fucking awesome.  Thank fucking god Dean was always thorough in his morning shower.

Castiel flicked and pressed his tongue gently at Dean’s hole, ran his tongue wetly around the rim. Dean was full on moaning with every brush of Castiel’s tongue, and it was like a drug; Castiel couldn’t get enough of it, would never get enough of it.

“Ohmygod. Cas! Fuck. That feels, ah, feels so good. I’ve never, no one’s ever- Cas! That’s so fucking hot. Holy Shit. Unh, fuck! ” Dean gasped out, eyes closed tight, head thrown back against the pillow.

Castiel spared a second to smirk, glad he’d found something no one else had done for Dean before, then returned his attention to the task at hand with a roll of his tongue. Another swell of pride welled up in Castiel at having discovered something Dean had never done; he’d gotten one of Dean’s firsts after Dean had had so many of his.

Gently, Castiel pushed his tongue into Dean as his muscles slowly relaxed at the intrusion. It felt downright sinful, hot around his tongue and Dean moaned out his pleasure when Castiel slipped his tongue in deeper, harder, plunged it in and out until Dean was a mess of need.

“Cas, Castiel, I need, ah, I need more. I want, fuck. Use your fingers, please?” Dean asked, voice wrecked.

Obligingly, Castiel withdrew his tongue, left one last soft kiss on Dean’s puffy hole before he grabbed for the lube. The way Dean looked up at him; wanton and hungry, sent a bright spike of desire through Castiel. He quickly popped the top of the lube and coated up his fingers.

Just as Castiel was about to slip a finger into Dean, his eyes snagged on Dean’s cock, flushed red, and heavy, begging for attention.

Castiel decided to go for broke, he’d gone this far, how much harder would it be to finger Dean while he sucked his cock? People did it in porn all the time, right? It probably wasn’t that hard to do.

One of Castiel's hand's wrapped around the base of Dean’s cock as the other moved down to slide a slick finger into him. Dean’s back arched off the bed and the moan he let out was carnal when Castiel sealed his lips around his cock and sucked.

“Fucking hell, Jesus Christ, Cas!” Dean moaned lowly as heat swamped his body and his thoughts fuzzed at the edges.

When he slipped another finger into Dean’s hole, Castiel hoped he was doing the right thing and slid his mouth down to take in as much of Dean’s cock as he could without gagging.

And judging by the way Dean’s breathing went ragged and his hands flew down to tangle in Castiel’s hair; he was definitely on the right track.

Dividing his attention between fingering Dean’s ass and sucking his cock proved difficult; It was hard to maintain a steady rhythm at either when he was so focused on whether he was doing it right or not.

So he was grateful when Dean’s hands gently, carefully, guided him into a pace he liked, not pushing or forcing, just soft pressure, while Dean’s fingers carded through his hair.

Fuck, Castiel’s mouth felt fucking perfect and hot, and the suction was just fucking phenomenal. Then again, he was so worked up that a gentle breeze could’ve blown across Dean’s dick at that point and he’d have sworn it was the best damn blowjob he’d ever gotten.

When Castiel thrusted a third finger in alongside the others, he curled them; searched for Dean’s prostate. It took him longer than he would’ve guessed to find, but Dean didn’t seem to mind the wait and when he did find it, Castiel was certain it’d been worth the effort; Dean’s back bowed, his moans became incoherent half-words as he pleaded with Castiel to fuck him.

Holy fucking Jesus motherfucking Christ. Pleasure volleyed through Dean with every slide of Castiel’s fingers, every time he rubbed against Dean’s prostate lightning cracked up his spine until he could hardly stand it. He needed to come; needed Castiel to fuck him already, so he could come.

“Cas- Cas. Castiel, I need you to fuck me. Please. Now. Please. I’m gonna- If you don’t stop, I’ll… Cas, I’ll come. Please. I really wanna, uh, I wanna come with your cock inside me. Please. Please, Cas.” Dean begged desperately as he tried to tamp down on the climax that threatened to tear through him; he wasn’t done damn it. 

So fast that Dean nearly sobbed at the loss, Castiel pulled off his cock, his fingers stilled, and slowly slipped out. Then Castiel ripped open the box of condoms, fumbled it with his still wet fingers, before he finally grabbed a condom. Handed it to Dean to open because it’d be easier for him than Castiel trying to struggle with a lubed up hand. Dean quickly, carefully, tore it open and handed it back to Castiel.

A hiss slipped between Castiel's teeth as he rolled the condom over his neglected cock, and Dean sent him a filthy grin. Castiel picked up the lube and squirted some more into his palm before he wrapped it around his cock and slicked it up, and fuck, that felt good. He gave himself a couple extra pumps as Dean watched and panted, flushed from his face down his chest, naked desire written in every line of his body.

So hot that Castiel moved forward, back on top of him. Instantly, Dean’s hands went to the back of his neck and pulled him into a rough kiss before Castiel lined his cock up with Dean’s hole.

Slowly, Castiel pressed forward, and Dean gasped roughly, his back arched and Castiel’s cock slipped down Dean’s crack.

“Fuck, shit. Sorry.” Dean mumbled, and Castiel just shook his head softly to let Dean know it was okay.

Castiel bit his lip as he lined himself up again, pressed insistently forward, and when his cock slipped past a second time they both groaned in frustration. Shit, I don’t know what I’m doing, I can’t do this, I don’t know how to do this, I’m doing this wrong. Castiel tried to keep the panic he felt off of his face.

“Sorry, I’m sorry.” Dean mumbled and Castiel frowned at him because it wasn’t Dean’s fault.

Dean squeezed his eyes shut, embarrassed he was fucking it up. He just needed to relax, needed to calm down. Cas is gonna get frustrated, he’s gonna give up. If he gives up it’s gonna fucking kill me. I can’t fuck this up, I can’t. Fuck, just relax. Jesus this isn’t any different than using a fucking toy on myself. I just... I just gotta let go. I just gotta trust him.

Castiel leaned forward to catch Dean’s lips in a soothing kiss before he lined up again. All of the tension in Dean drained away, and he let himself melt against Castiel. This time when Castiel pushed forward he sank slowly, so fucking slowly, into Dean’s body. Dean was tight, so damn tight and it felt amazing; hot and wet and perfect, but Castiel forced himself to go meticulously slow, worried he’d hurt Dean.

Finally, excruciatingly slow, he bottomed out and waited, tried to collect himself, his thoughts a whirring chaos of Oh, my god, I’m in Dean, why didn’t anyone tell me it felt like this, how do people stop doing this long enough to get anything done?

“Cas, c’mon, fuck me.” Dean complained softly. 

Absently, Castiel just nodded and started with tiny little rocking motions, just little twitches of his hips, and Dean groaned, arched into it.

“Harder, Cas. Fuck me, ah, fuck me harder.” Dean demanded breathily, and the words skittered like a chill down Castiel’s spine.

Only too happy to oblige, Castiel pulled almost all the way out and snapped his hips, slid smoothly back in and dragged over Dean’s prostate. Made Dean’s breath hitch, as a flash of pleasure sparked, and Castiel smirked before he repeated the movement.

Castiel’s thrusts sped up until he was slamming into Dean, the slap of skin against skin pornographically loud in contrast with their rapid breaths. Dean’s eyes blinked open, and Castiel’s instantly found them; a rush of emotion slammed into Castiel like a tidal wave and he started to shake because for a brief brilliant moment he thought that maybe giving everything up for this, for Dean, would be worth it... and that, well that scared the fuck out of him.

Dean felt Castiel trembling over him and somehow concern penetrated the fog of lust and pleasure that clouded his mind. Castiel had been playing before Dean had gotten there and then when they’d played together it’d been a fucking workout all of it’s own. Maybe Castiel had played his cello so hard that his arms were tired? Warmth that had nothing to do with the heat searing through his body in time to Castiel’s thrusts spread through Dean’s chest. He reached up and cradled Castiel’s face gently.

“Cas, stop.” Dean said quietly and Castiel stuttered to stillness; Did he do something wrong?

Dean kissed him deep and sweet and Castiel shook harder as emotions he’d never paid much attention to before surged through him, tangled warmly in his chest.

“It’s okay, Cas. Just, um, lay back and let me take care of you.” Dean requested, and Castiel nodded softly, his face flushing at the care in Dean’s voice, he pulled out gently before Dean switched places with him.

Then Dean climbed onto his lap, and Castiel watched him with wide, dark eyes as Dean lowered himself down onto his cock, one hand on Castiel’s chest for balance, and the other behind him to grip Castiel’s thigh and urge him to thrust.

Unlike Castiel, Dean didn’t waste a second before he slid himself up and down, bounced in his lap. Over and over, Dean slammed himself onto Castiel’s cock, rode him faster and faster, his movements frantic and jerky as he rolled his hips. Tightly, Castiel’s hands held onto Dean’s thighs as he thrusted up the best he could each time Dean crashed down on him, pleasure and burning arousal flooded his mind, blanked everything else out.

“Dean, you feel... so... so good.” Castiel grunted; Dean was so hot and tight, Castiel knew it wouldn’t take long for him to come.

As Dean felt Castiel tense up, he snaked a hand between them to fist his own cock roughly as he chased his climax. So good that Dean huffed hot little breaths with every bounce. His thighs worked as he angled himself just right and then Castiel’s cock slid hard against his prostate each time he dropped down. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

By a thread, Castiel held himself back, thanked any deity that would listen for the iron fucking control he’d developed and watched as his hard cock slid into Dean’s ass again and again until Dean stiffened around him, and his hips jerked.

“Cas! Cas, I’m gonna-” Dean cried out as bliss burned through him, fire pooled in his belly, heated and drew tight until finally it snapped and he came, white spurts of come painted Castiel’s chest and Dean’s hand as static filled his ears.

Castiel’s hips twitched shallowly, the sensation of Dean’s come as it splattered across his chest was so fucking hot that all it took was a quick few half-thrusts up into Dean before he came hard and spilled into the condom while he moaned Dean’s name.

Totally slackened, Castiel's mind drifted, while he finally came down from his mind-blowing orgasm. Warm, relaxed, sated in a way that felt so much deeper than anything he’d experienced before. He didn’t want it to end, just wanted to stay wrapped up in Dean like this and never have to move away.

Lazily, Dean kissed him as they basked in their afterglow, until it became uncomfortable and he pulled himself off of Castiel’s softening cock. Castiel quietly sighed, removed the condom and then tossed it into the garbage can under his desk.

Blissed out, Dean flopped down next to Castiel and rolled onto his back beside him. Castiel grabbed some kleenex from his nightstand and wiped them both down perfunctorily before he collapsed next to Dean.

A soft smile graced Castiel’s lips when Dean maneuvered them into a spooning position where Castiel was the little spoon. Warmth unfurled in his chest as he realized Dean was cuddling him; another first for Castiel. At this rate it seemed like Dean was going to have a monopoly on them.

As they lay quietly with Dean curled up around him, their post orgasmic-rush faded, and Castiel’s nerves gradually started to creep up on him. He didn’t have a script for this, he’d never been in this position before. What was he supposed to say, do?

"You look like an angel when you play, ya know." Dean said softly, sleepily in a rare honest moment while his hand traced gentle patterns over Castiel’s stomach.

Inadvertently reminded of old words, Castiel stiffened in Dean’s arms. Insecurities were starting to surface now that he could think again, and that just played mercilessly on them.

"Yeah, right. I'm mommy's little angel, I know." Castiel replied bitterly as he tried to disentangle himself, and a hollow ache settled in his stomach.

Shocked and confused, Dean ran through what he’d just said as he tightened his hold on Castiel and tried to soothe him. Shit, Cas had the same reaction the night I called him that. I was just too goddamn wrapped up in myself to notice. There was definitely a story there but Castiel clearly wasn't ready to tell it so Dean forced himself not to ask. Instead he rolled Castiel over to look into his eyes.

"No." Dean said firmly, his voice barely more than a growl. "You're my angel, now."

“Oh.” Castiel breathed while his eyes widened a little and his shoulders relaxed. He let himself be pulled back into place, tucked into Dean. “Okay.”

Warmth and something very much like joy gathered in Castiel’s chest, made him pliant and soft as he let Dean hold him. Felt good.

“Mmm.” Dean hummed contently. “We should take a nap. It’s way too early.”

Castiel yawned as he glanced at the clock on his nightstand, it was still early and he could definitely use a nap right then to recharge.

“Nap sounds good.” Castiel agreed; he barely recognized the sound of his voice as it scraped out of his throat.

Peacefully, Dean breathed in the fresh smell of Castiel’s shampoo and his last thought before he passed out was how nice this was; staying after sex was over. How warm and just awesome it felt to be wrapped up in Castiel like that.

Chapter Text

Dean rolled onto his back and stretched. His eyes flashed open in confusion when his hands hit both sides of the bed without trying. He never got anything smaller than a king size bed. Then an unfamiliar soreness in his ass hit him and flooded his memory; Castiel kissing him roughly. Writhing on the bed underneath Castiel while he meticulously took him apart bit by bit until Dean had climbed on top of him and ridden Castiel's perfect fucking cock like it was his damn job. God, it'd been fucking awesome. 

Lazily, Dean rolled back onto his side before he curled up like a cat, rubbed his nose against the pillow and smelled Castiel’s scent; clean and masculine, probably some type of woodsy shampoo and body wash combined with the muskier scent of Castiel and the lingering smell of sex that filled the room.

For a while, Dean laid there and enjoyed being cuddled up in a space that was so clearly Castiel’s before he finally dragged himself out of bed to see if he could figure out where Castiel had gone. There was a note propped up on his guitar and Dean picked it and his clothes up in the same swoop, then dressed as he read.

Had to go to practice. There’s food and drinks in the fridge. Help yourself. Back around dinner time. I’ll see you then.

Dean smiled. Castiel didn’t even have to put a question mark at the end of the last sentence for him to read the tone. Wheels started to turn in Dean's mind and he hurriedly finished dressing before he grabbed up his guitar and headed out to the common area.

Seated there at the small counter Dean found Balthazar who was eating and scrolling through something on his phone. When Dean walked in Balthazar looked up with a smirk.

“Shut up.” Dean said with a pointed finger.

“Honestly, I didn’t breathe a word! I’m thrilled, I’ve been telling Cassie for-” Balthazar wasn’t able to finish.

“Dude, I said shut up. Try listening for once, huh? I’m putting something together and I’ll need your help. I’ll text you with the details in a bit.” Dean was out the door before his last word was out.

***

Michael had been pretty damn shocked when Castiel suggested that they cut rehearsal short just around lunch time, maybe a little bit disappointed even. Castiel just chalked that up to Michael’s usual drive, a feeling Castiel knew too well.

To be honest, Castiel had surprised himself but practice had gone amazingly well. It was like everything had finally clicked. He’d relaxed into the performance like he’d always done, and it'd been smooth sailing from there.

So with a promise to get together the next day Castiel had bolted out the door at a near sprint leaving Michael to wonder at the sudden change.

Impatiently, Castiel made it in record time to his suite, passed Balthazar on the way to his room where he swung open the door with a smile. His smile lived a short life though when the room was empty of both Dean and his guitar. Castiel jumped at Balthazar’s voice right next to his ear.

“If you’re looking for loverboy, he left a couple of hours ago.” Balthazar informed him gently.

With a surprised ‘oh’, Castiel spun around before he managed to school his face again.

“Did he… did he say anything before he left?” Castiel tried to sound casual.

“Nope, seemed like he was in a hurry though. So… tell me! How was it? Everything you hoped for? Did you see fireworks? Did the world shift on its axis? How did good ole Dean react when you offered up your V Card?” Balthazar asked from behind the lip of his coffee cup.

Annoyed, Castiel’s eyes narrowed down at the litany of questions until Balthazar got to the last one. Color flooded his face as he looked away, unable to make eye contact.

“Oh Cassie,” Balthazar said softly, “You didn’t tell him? In today’s day and age people assume everyone is experienced. You should have said something. Dean may be a complete moron but he’s not inhuman. He would have wanted to know.”

“It wasn’t like I planned it okay? This… this wasn’t part of my plan at all. We were supposed to be friends. I don’t have time for anything more. But playing with him… Balthazar it was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It was stupid and rash and incredible. Now he’s gone and...” Castiel’s voice trailed off.

Balthazar shifted uncomfortably at the implication of that statement.

“Look Cassie, I’m sure he just ran out for a bit. Why don’t you text him and let him know you got out early? I actually have to go, but I’ll see you tonight, okay?” Balthazar asked.

When Castiel barely nodded Balthazar reached up and gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

“Text him.” Balthazar said as he walked out the door.

With that Castiel was alone with his thoughts. Really it was silly to have thought Dean would sit around his room all day. Dean had his own life, Castiel couldn't just expect him to wait there for him. He sighed and pulled out his phone to follow Balthazar’s instructions.

Castiel: Hey I got out early, want to get coffee or something?

Anxiously, Castiel paced the common area as he waited for what felt like an eternity before his phone buzzed.

Dean: Can’t, sorry. Raincheck?

Castiel’s stomach dropped. That was it? Things suddenly started to form a very disconcerting picture for Castiel as his earliest thoughts about Dean returned unhelpfully. It’s because you can’t have me… trying so hard is because I keep saying no… The second I give in…

Castiel had to get out, he tore his eyes from the bed where he’d… Castiel had to get out now. He spun around and rushed from the room. He didn’t stop running until he reached the park, breathless and no less hurt.

For the rest of the afternoon, Castiel wandered the park, worked himself up further and further. Bounced from sadness to anger to embarrassment only to come full circle and do it again.

At least until his stomach decided to remind him that he hadn't had anything to eat at all since he’d rushed to get ready for practice. Castiel had been completely against the idea of showing up to practice where he’d have to be so close to Michael while smelling of sex. So he’d showered instead of getting a more substantial meal.

Begrudgingly Castiel headed back to the dorms, prepared to make a sandwich before he would wallow in his room for the rest of the night. Maybe it sounded pitiful or pathetic, but he couldn't help it. He felt broken and used; disgusted with himself for being so fucking stupid.

By the time he reached the front steps of his dorm he’d worked himself back to anger and for once Castiel wasn’t going to just choke it down for the comfort of everyone else. He pulled out his phone and hit dial on Dean’s contact.

“Hey Cas I was-”

“You can just tell me, you know.” Castiel practically shouted.

“Tell you what, Cas?” Dean asked, thoroughly confused.

“You don’t have to make up excuses or whatever. I get it. I called it from the beginning. You got what you were after. The pursuit’s over, thus ends the game. At least be a man and just say it instead of sneaking out and brushing me off.”

“What the hell Cas? Point of fact, you technically snuck out on me!” Dean said defensively.

“Yes but you knew where I was going and I left a note.”

“Jeez, Cas, will you just get up to your room? Please?” Dean asked softly, almost defeated.

“What? why?” Castiel asked, completely lost suddenly and unsure of what to do with his anger.

“Just, talk to me after you get to your room.” Dean said before the line went dead.

Castiel stood there for a moment and stared at his phone. How did Dean know he wasn’t in his room?

As that thought echoed in his mind, Castiel ran through the halls of his dorm for the second time that day. His hand shook as he made multiple attempts to swipe his key card and then finally the light flashed green. He was able to turn the handle and he swung the door open.

Castiel froze in shock as he processed what he saw. All the lights were off and the only illumination came from a table that was set up in the middle of the common room. Furniture had been rearranged to accommodate it.

The table was draped in white linens. At least a dozen candles of varying heights and widths were arranged artfully around the center. Two silver cloches sat on opposite sides of the table with sparkling silverware framing them. Wine glasses sat already filled with a deep red liquid and the bottle it must have come from sat in an ice bucket on a stand next to the table.

As Castiel moved closer he saw that there were blue blossoms scattered across the table, the same blossoms that had been in every bouquet that Dean had sent him.

Castiel's heart beat staccato as he stopped when he neared the table. He picked up one of the blossoms and turned it in his fingers before he looked up at the man who stood next to the table, back straight, hands twisting.

In tight black jeans, a wide belt, a crisp white button-up complete with a blood-red tie and a black suit jacket, Dean was gorgeous. He looked like something straight off the cover of a magazine.

Castiel held the blossom up with a questioning raise of his eyebrow.

“They were the exact color of your eyes.” Dean said with a shrug.

“You remembered what my eyes looked like after two brief meetings?” Castiel asked with awe.

Dean merely shifted uncomfortably.

“Dean Winchester, a romantic at heart. Who knew?” Castiel questioned teasingly.

“I’m not… Not usually. But being with you Cas, it makes me better and I don’t want to lose that. When I woke up and you were gone I thought for half a second that you’d realized you made a mistake and would want to go back to being just friends. Then I remembered you had plans but that fear was still there so I, uh, I needed to do something to convince you. I know I’m not nearly as important as your music, I understand. I’m not worth blowing all that up but-”

“Don’t say that. How… how can you think that?” Castiel cupped Dean’s cheek as he spoke. “Dean you’re worth that and more. I don’t know who convinced you that you weren’t worth being someone’s world but they were wrong.”

Dean swallowed hard. Castiel could see Dean was still unsure so he gave up on words. Just stepped into Dean and tilted his head up to gently brush his lips against Dean’s. All of their other kisses had been rough or needy or taking.

This one was different. As Castiel moved his lips gently against Dean’s, planted tiny kisses at the corners, along the seam, he went over each spot several times because this kiss was giving.

At first Dean stood still, but his body relaxed under Castiel’s touch until Castiel finally pulled away.

“I don’t want you to give up your music. I couldn’t give up mine if you asked me to. I’m just asking for a small place in your life that doesn’t interfere with that.” Dean said sincerely and warmth suffused Castiel’s chest.

Castiel opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the loud rumble coming from his stomach. Embarrassed, Castiel’s cheeks flushed but the affection that emanated from Dean as he chuckled washed the embarrassment away.

“Why don’t we eat first, then talk.” Dean said as he put a gentle hand on Castiel’s elbow to lead him to one of the seats.

After Castiel was settled Dean reached out to grasp the handles on the cloches and lifted. Castiel’s heart made a sudden lurch that would have concerned him if he didn’t know he was in top notch shape.

What Castiel was expecting was some extravagant meal; hundred dollar steak with truffle butter, lobster, foie gras. Something ridiculously expensive like the gifts that Dean had sent him. So when the meal was revealed to be a pile of simple sandwiches made with plain sliced white bread, Castiel was surprised.

Most people probably would’ve looked at such simple fare and scoffed. Most people wouldn’t know without checking that the bread was hiding peanut butter and jelly.

It’d been a pretty brief discussion. Something said offhandedly when the text conversation had led to Dean confessing his almost unnatural love of pie. Castiel had mentioned how he didn’t really have much of an attachment to food but he remembered as a child really loving the simple peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that his nanny had made for him when his mother wasn’t home to lecture him about needing to have refined tastes.

It’d been one small text, buried in the hundreds of other texts, a complete afterthought for Castiel. But Dean had remembered.

Awkwardly, Dean was eyeing the cloches in his hands, not really sure what to do with them. He settled on stacking them beneath the table.

As he straightened back up he found the front of his shirt being twisted in Castiel’s hand. Full of way too many emotions, Castiel pulled Dean down to press another soft kiss against Dean’s lips. They held there for a moment before Dean leaned back to speak, his eyes still closed.

“Remind me to make you PB and J more often.”

Castiel released Dean’s shirt and waited for Dean to open his eyes.

“You’re amazing, you know that right? I’ve never… I’ve never had someone that… that cared enough to pay attention to the silly unimportant things.” Castiel swallowed hard. “You’re starting to make me believe I could have it all, that I deserve to have it all.”

Dean leaned forward again, this time planting a kiss on Castiel’s forehead.

“Good, because you do.”

Dean sat down and they both picked up a sandwich and began to eat silently, not once breaking eye contact.

***

There didn’t end up being a whole lot of talking after that. Dean had apologized for not considering how things might look when he disappeared. He’d explained that when Castiel had texted him, he’d panicked and figured short and sweet was the best bet to avoid giving away that he was running all over the city setting things up.

Surprised, Castiel had wondered why Dean didn’t just make a couple of calls and felt a rush of emotion when Dean had explained that he’d wanted to do it himself instead of just throwing money at it.

Then, Castiel had apologized for letting his insecurity get the best of him, and admitted that he’d overreacted.

The rest of the evening, for Dean, had been spent marveling over how awesome, sexy, smart and talented Castiel was in between heated kisses.

If Castiel thought Dean would expect to spend the night for a repeat performance of the morning, then Dean quickly proved him wrong. When the hour got late Dean had taken out his phone and shot off a text before he stood to clean up their dinner.

Castiel gathered up the blossoms and candles to move them into his bedroom and he pointedly ignored the ‘you’re so adorable’ look Dean gave him when he realized Castiel was saving them.

The rest of the items were placed in canvas bags that had been stashed away in the kitchenette and placed near the door by the folded table. The chairs were set in the hallway, evidently Dean had borrowed them from one of the RAs and had been given instructions to leave them there to be picked up in the morning.

It was shortly after they finished the clean up that Castiel’s suite-mates filtered in one by one. Balthazar was the last through the door. One look at the guilty shift in Balthazar’s expression  and understanding dawned on Castiel.

“You knew about all this earlier didn’t you.” Castiel said, more of a statement than a question.

“How else do you think loverboy was able to get all of this into the building? He may be sneaky but he’s not that good.” Balthazar said, he aimed for smug but missed the mark when guilt was still present in his eyes.

Dean looked back and forth between the two before he spoke up, his discomfort at having caused discord between them apparent.

“I’m just gonna bring this stuff down to my car. I’ll run your card back up when I’m done, Balthazar.” Dean was already out the door with an armful of stuff before he’d even finished his sentence.

“What’s up Cassie? Did things not go well? Was I wrong to think Dean could manage to not screw it up?” Balthazar asked, his voice tinged with concern.

Warmth from the care his friend showed him eased Castiel's tension. It wasn’t Balthazar’s fault that things had gone a little sideways before they’d gotten better. Castiel pulled his phone out and tapped at the screen.

“Apparently Dean and I have something in common other than our dedication to music. Neither of us seem to be great at communicating. I proceeded to have a several hour long melt down after you left before yelling at Dean and accusing him of fucking me just for the challenge and then running away after he sent me this.”

Balthazar started at Castiel’s unusually crass words before he leaned in to read the phone that Castiel held up; It showed Dean’s response to Castiel’s offer of coffee. Balthazar rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Morons, the both of you. Sorry Cassie, if I’d known-”

Castiel cut Balthazar off before he could finish.

“It’s okay. Everything ended up working out. We just have something to work on. But it’s good… it’s great.” Castiel said, his face lit up with happiness.

“So, should I wear headphones tonight?” Balthazar asked with a wink.

Castiel couldn’t help his flush of embarrassment at what Balthazar might have heard through the walls this morning.

“No, Dean’s heading home. He invited me out to breakfast in the morning before practice.” Castiel paused, his face shy and quizzical all at once. “I think he wants to date me.”

“Well yes, Castiel, that is in fact something that people generally do in your situation, albeit often times in a slightly different order.” Balthazar stated with a raised eyebrow.

“I don’t think that’s something Dean does though. When he asked me he seemed so unsure of himself. That’s definitely not a look I’m used to seeing on The Dean Winchester. I’ll admit, I was a little surprised when he didn’t ask to stay the night but… I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t want to. I think he’s trying to consciously make an effort for this to be different than what he usually does.”

Both of them fell silent when they heard the beep of the card reader the second before Dean stepped through the door. Dean looked between them; they looked like they’d just been caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

“Talkin’ about me, huh? S’ok, I know I’m fascinating.” Dean teased with a wink before he handed the key card to Balthazar.

Purposefully, Dean walked over and placed his hands lightly on Castiel’s hips before he tugged him in and brushed a soft kiss against his lips. It was easy to ignore the affronted groan that came from Balthazar when Dean focused on the dazed lust blown look in Castiel’s eyes as he pulled away.

It thrilled Dean to no end that Castiel responded the same way whenever Dean touched him, whether it was gentle and almost chaste or rough and passionate. Like Castiel couldn’t get enough of him, might never get enough of him. The thought sent a pleasant chill down Dean’s back.

“So, I’ll see you in the morning? Be outside at seven. Dress comfy, heck come in what you had on this morning for all I care, just don’t waste any time getting dressed up.” Dean said before he gave an unconvincing groan. “Just my luck, I gotta go for the early bird with a busy schedule.”

Dean had pulled away and was already through the door before Castiel fully came back to himself.

“Bye… bye Dean.” Castiel said as the door closed, his hand raised to give a belated wave.

“Good God, you two are sickening.” Balthazar said mockingly before his face softened. “I’m really glad things are working out for you Cassie, you deserve to be happy.”

“I am Balthazar,” Castiel said as his eyes shined brilliantly. “I didn’t realize how much I was missing, that I could have both until now.”

The two of them stood there until the silence became awkward.

“Yes, well, just remember who to thank for dragging your ass to that concert and everything I’ve done since then. I had better be your best man and I expect your first born to be named after me.”

“Goodnight Balthazar.” Castiel said with a glare that held no heat. He really did owe his friend the world.

Chapter Text

Castiel’s hand flashed out to swipe at the phone on his nightstand until the alarm went off. With his face smushed into his pillow, he let out a groan. He might get up early every morning, but he still resented the fact that he was awake until at least half-way through his shower most days.

It wasn’t until he rolled over and stared up at the ceiling that he remembered why his alarm had been set extra early. Dean. Castiel smiled up at the ceiling and he knew if he could see himself right then, even he’d think his smile was ridiculously dorky.

Swiftly, Castiel climbed out of bed and grabbed the carefully chosen clothes he’d picked out the night before; a pair of faded dark wash jeans, a plain green t-shirt and a burgundy hoodie. He’d tried to follow Dean’s orders regarding the clothing, and not dress up, but it’d been excruciatingly difficult to find casual clothing in his wardrobe because despite what Dean had said, Castiel was sure that pajama bottoms and no shirt were definitely not appropriate.

Habitually, he snagged his toiletry bag and headed to the bathroom. Once he was there, Castiel dropped his clothes onto the bathroom counter before he started up the shower and climbed in. The warm water relaxed and soothed him as he scrubbed himself clean and though he didn’t linger, he didn’t rush either.

Finally, he shut off the water, then quickly dried off, got dressed and made his way downstairs. It was still fairly early, so luckily he didn’t need to talk to anyone before he headed down. No coffee plus early morning plus nerves about breakfast with Dean made Castiel less than keen on conversing with anyone.

As he walked out the front doors, Castiel checked his watch. He had plenty of time to spare, so he moved away from the doors, leaned up against the building to wait and yawned widely behind his hand. The early morning chill sent a shiver through him. He zipped up his hoodie and jammed his hands in his pockets while he scanned the road.

A little blue sedan pulled up to the curb in front of the dorms, but Castiel didn't pay it much attention. His eyes were seeking out the sleek black lines of Dean’s car. Which was why Castiel was surprised when he heard his name called out from the rolled down window of the unfamiliar car.

Cautiously, he approached and ducked down to see a man who looked a few years younger than him with sandy blonde hair, pale green eyes and an easy smile that struck a chord of familiarity even though Castiel was sure he’d never met the guy before.

“Hey Castiel, I’m Adam! I’m here to pick you up for breakfast.”

“Oh, I thought… I just assumed Dean would be picking me up.” Castiel said as he hesitated, his cheeks flushed a little at his admission. 

“Of course he didn’t tell you. That’d make it too easy wouldn’t it?” Adam joked as he rolled his eyes. “I’m supposed to drop you off at the restaurant.”

“Oh.” Castiel replied eloquently while his brain scrambled to make sense of the situation he found himself in.

He really, deeply regretted the decision not to get a coffee before he headed out front, because his uncaffeinated mind was totally unprepared for a car ride with a complete stranger to a mystery restaurant.

“You ready?” Adam’s friendly smile reassured him enough that he climbed in when Adam pointed at the back seat.

Adam filled the drive with easy conversation, and by the time they arrived Castiel knew that he was Dean’s half-brother slash assistant. Which explained why his smile had seemed familiar. He also knew that Adam wasn’t musically talented, unlike his brothers, but that Adam was happy with what he was doing, even if he might occasionally get jealous. 

It surprised Castiel a little, how freely Adam spoke about his life, but he got the feeling Adam was the kind of guy who was everyone’s friend.

As they pulled over, Castiel glanced out the window and his eyes widened as he took in the restaurant.

“Dean, um.” Castiel stumbled over his words while his anxiety skyrocketed. “Dean said to dress casually. He said not to dress up.”

Castiel recognized the restaurant from one of the charity events his mother had made him attend with her. The tickets had been in the four digit range. Definitely not in the ‘casual wear’ range. There was no way he could walk in those doors with his ratty jeans, and hoodie. Even his shoes were worn out; an old pair of dirty white converse he’d had kicking around.

“Trust me, you’re fine.” Adam reassured him, but Castiel grimaced, because no this wasn’t fine.

Nervousness and embarrassment warmed Castiel’s skin as a flush spread over his cheeks. Adam watched him in the rearview, an amused smile on his face as Castiel struggled to force himself out of the car.

“Castiel?” Adam tried again, softer, when Castiel remained motionless. “Dean’s waiting. It’ll be okay.” 

Castiel nodded, he felt himself do it, so he must have, before he opened the door and got out of the car. He shut the door behind himself and stared up at the sign for a moment. Should he really go in? He was so under dressed, but he was already here, and Dean was waiting and that sealed the deal, because Castiel couldn’t just leave Dean in there wondering where he was.

Awkwardly, he made his way to the dark glass doors, and took a deep breath as he pulled one open, then slipped inside.

It took a moment for Castiel’s brain to catch up to what he was seeing, because he’d expected the restaurant to be bustling with people dressed in fancy clothing, but what he was confronted with instead, was a room full of empty tables.

Castiel’s head quirked a little as he took in the room, tried to make some sort of sense of it before his eyes landed on a little table at the back, the only one that was set for service. Dean smiled broadly from where he sat on the far side of the table, and Castiel’s anxiety melted away under the warmth of Dean’s gaze.

“You look awesome, Cas.” Dean said once Castiel had crossed the room and sat down.

Castiel’s cheeks heated faintly under the unearned praise, he certainly didn’t look awesome in the old clothes he was wearing.

“No, you do.” Dean said as if he’d read Castiel’s mind. “I like the whole casual look on you. Then again, the vest you had on that day at the park? Yeah, that was pretty hot too.”

Castiel smirked smugly at that because that he definitely looked good in.

“You look good too.” Castiel said, when he finally remembered his manners and it was true; Dean looked amazing in anything, including the faded jeans and t-shirt he was wearing then.

“Thanks.” Dean grinned at him and Castiel’s heart doubled its tempo. “I hope you don’t mind that I had Adam pick you up?”

“A head’s up would’ve been nice.” Castiel told him and Dean had the good graces to look abashed.

“Yeah, sorry. That was pretty lame of me. I just didn’t wanna be spotted around your school since I’ve been there a lot lately.” Dean explained. “The paparazzi would love to stalk you if they put two and two together, and I wanna avoid that as long as possible.” 

Well that just made Castiel confused, and a tiny pit of worry sank in his stomach. Since when was Dean concerned about being spotted by the paparazzi with his dates? Castiel had seen him with plenty of women and men smiling wickedly at the camera as they snapped their pictures.

“Oh.” Castiel replied awkwardly.

“It’s not that I don’t wanna be seen with you, if that’s what you’re thinkin’, Cas.” Dean hastened to assure Castiel when he noticed the apprehension on his face. “I’m gonna be honest here… I haven’t generally taken my partners’ privacy into account before. But, I dunno, just seemed like you’d be opposed to the paparazzi showing up tryin’ to get a look at you while you’re busy with school and stuff and sometimes my fans are a little crazy and I just, wow, I sound like an overprotective ass, but I just wanna protect you from that, y’know? For as long as I can.”

The ice that had settled in Castiel’s stomach melted and he fought to keep the dumb grin that wanted to spread across his face off it, because that? Dean stumbling over his words and blushing as he spoke? Worrying about Castiel? That was a whole new level of adorable, and Castiel desperately wanted to see more of it.

“Oh.” Castiel repeated, much warmer this time.

“Yeah.” Dean said with a shrug that tried for nonchalant. “Is that... Is that okay with you? It ain’t easy, dodging the public like that. Though there’s something kinda hot about it too, not gonna lie. Like I’m sneaking out of your window to avoid your parents after I’ve stolen your virtue.”

Dean was too busy laughing at his own humor to notice how Castiel went still for a moment, his face drained of color. As Dean continued speaking though, Castiel was able to relax again.

“Adam’s gotten pretty good at helping me with shit like that. Not sneaking around with people, just sneaking in general. Like when John insisted I take dance lessons last year when he thought he was gonna talk me into going on Dancing With the Stars. Thank God the tour schedule ended up conflicting too much to do it.”

“You dressed in tight little dance numbers moving those hips across the dance floor like you did in my bed yesterday? I could get behind that.” Castiel said with a smirk.

Dean glared briefly at the enjoyment Castiel was taking in his discomfort but it quickly turned into a dizzying combination of smug and predatory as he stood from his seat and began to stalk toward Castiel.

“I’m happy to give you a private show, sweetheart. Right here, right now.”

Castiel said a silent prayer of thanks when the food came; a whole mountain of pancakes and waffles, a couple plates of bacon and sausages and every topping imaginable. At the sheer amount of food before them, Castiel raised an eyebrow, and Dean just grinned.

“What?” He asked in mock offense as he returned to his seat. “I’m a growing boy, Cas. I need a hearty breakfast now ‘n then.”

“Dean, you’re twenty-four.” Castiel winced when he realized Dean hadn’t given him that information; he’d read it online, but Dean’s grin just grew so he forged on teasingly. “I hate to break it to you, but unfortunately you’re just not going to be as tall as Sam.”

“Uh-huh. So, seems you know a bit more about me than I do about you.” Dean said, pleased and Castiel rolled his eyes.

“Well, one of us is a celebrity with a mass of online literature dedicated to every detail of his life. Not to mention the conspiracy theories. Did you know that Benny is actually your secret lover, but you can’t be together because it would break your father’s heart? Or that Jo’s only with Charlie because you spurned her advances?”

Dean laughed, a full body, head thrown back laugh; way over the top for what Castiel was saying, but magical none the less for it. Enthralled was an apt word to describe how Castiel felt as he smiled at Dean, because it felt amazing to make Dean laugh like that.

“I-ha-I’d heard the Benny thing before, but Jo?” Dean chuckled as he tried to get a grip on himself. “That’s a new one. She’d probably die of embarrassment if she ever saw that.”

“Why? Is it true?” Castiel asked seriously, and the sincere look on his face set Dean off all over again.

“Uh, no. Not even a little. Jo’s like a little sister to me. It’d basically be incest.” Dean said jokingly. “Besides, she’s been in love with Charlie since the day they met. Only reason it took ‘em so long to get together was Charlie didn’t know Jo was bi, and Jo was too stubborn to make the first move.”

“Ah.” Castiel hummed as he turned his attention to piling food onto his plate.

Comfortable silence descended as they both filled their plates and started to eat, after a few bites, Dean pointed his forkful of pancakes drizzled in maple syrup at Castiel.

“So, you know some stuff about me, tell me more about you.” Dean requested with a lopsided smile.

“Um, well, oh, I’m twenty-one…” Castiel wracked his mind for something else to say about himself. “My middle name is James. I have no siblings…”

Castiel let his words trail off as he shrugged helplessly at Dean. He understood that this was part of the whole ‘dating’ thing but they’d been conversing regularly a good deal, which for some strange reason made this extra awkward.

When Dean only responded with a laugh Castiel couldn’t stop the blush that crept up his neck to his face.

“I’m not really all that interesting. What you see is pretty much what you get; a band geek with bad hair and terrible social skills.” Castiel said with a weak chuckle.

“Oh I don’t know about all that. Your social skills are cute, your musical talents are awesome and that hair? Well let’s just say I really don’t mind the Just Got Laid look, ‘specially on you.” Dean paused to enjoy Castiel’s deep blush before he continued on. “But you aren’t the only one that knows how to Google something, ya know.”

The bite of food that Castiel had just taken suddenly felt like it was lodged in his throat. His own social media presence was pretty benign but his embarrassing family history still had a footprint on the internet, even if it was pre Google.

His parents being well off meant that when his father was caught philandering all over the city that the entire messy divorce was all over the gossip rags. It ended with his mother getting everything and his father running off to sights unseen, never to contact Castiel again. He really wasn’t ready to have this conversation with Dean though.

“Oh?” was all Castiel managed.

“Yeah. Gotta say, you were a pretty cute kid Cas. Talented too, even then.  How good do you have to be to perform for the President at six years old? When I was six I hadn’t even been allowed to touch my dad’s guitar.” Dean said with a grin.

As convincingly as possible, Castiel smiled as he tried to forget that particular memory. Back then it was still a gut wrenching punishment to have his mother stop talking to him for a whole week because his finger had slipped on a single note. She'd taken his mistake in front of such an important audience personally even if she was the only one that'd noticed.

Dean, wonderful human being that he was, saw the wrongness of the smile on Castiel’s face and quickly changed the topic.

“So, what’ve you got today? You mentioned classes?”

“Yes, I have Music Theory this afternoon. This morning Michael and I will be practicing and then after class I have Chamber practice.” Castiel said as he watched Dean take a rather impressively sized bite.

Conversation became easier after that. They settled into a comfortable rapport and managed to avoid any serious conversations. Those would happen eventually but right then it seemed both Castiel and Dean were happy to enjoy their little bubble of new relationship warmth.

Castiel was surprised that he had a hard time when it was time to leave. He briefly considered postponing his rehearsal with Michael before reminding himself that Dean would still be there after practice and that the whole point that Castiel was trying to learn was that he could have both and not one or the other.

Of course that didn’t mean Castiel was opposed to a good ten minutes of heated, maple and coffee flavored kissing with a side of groping. When they both mutually decided to pull away to avoid stripping down in a classy restaurant it was with matching lust filled grins. Still, they were both loathe to leave each other's company.

“You know, I’ve heard the best way to make leaving easier is to plan your next rendezvous.” Castiel said before coloring up a little.

Which caught even himself off-guard, aggressiveness might suit him in the bedroom but forwardness in a more social setting had never been his forte.

“Cas, are you asking me out?” Dean said teasingly.

“Oh, um...I…” Castiel stumbled, losing what little confidence his lust addled mind had found.

Thankfully Dean decided to take mercy on him.

“You’ve got class and practice all week and I’ve got press and band rehearsal. How about dinner on Saturday? I’ve got some brunch thing with one of the record execs that’s coming in from LA and then more press but I should be done by six if that works for you?”

Castiel tried and failed to suppress the frown that creased his forehead.

“Hey,” Dean said hesitantly “It’s okay if you’d rather not…”

“No! No, Saturday works perfectly. It’s just... I just realized how busy we both are. I mean I guess I didn’t notice before but we don’t really have a lot of free time that matches up.”

“Oh, yeah. That... that does kinda suck.” Dean said with a matching frown before it slowly morphed to a soft smile. “How about this, I promise you my Saturday night. No matter what I’ve got going on the rest of the week, Saturday belongs to you.”

The warmth that filled Castiel at that thought was almost overwhelming.

“And mine to you.” Castiel said softly.

***

Saturday night came faster than Castiel had anticipated. Between practice, school work, and texting with Dean, he’d honestly barely noticed the time passing.

He’d just gotten back to his room, taken a shower and started to pull on some clothes, nice ones because Dean was going to take him to another fancy restaurant with a private room, when his cell phone chirped on his nightstand.

Castiel stopped buttoning his shirt and went to check it.

Dean: Hey, Cas, listen, I’m totally wiped. Mind if we change plans for tonight?

Disappointment sank in Castiel’s stomach. It hadn’t even been a week and Dean was already blowing him off. Honestly, what did he expect though?

Castiel: Oh. Sure. We can do it another time, I guess.

Dean: Dude, I’m not cancelling! If I only get you one day a week, no way I'm giving it up. I was just thinking maybe I could come over and we could watch a movie or netflix or something. I just don’t wanna deal with people tonight.

Dean: And not that you’re not hot and I don't wanna get all up on that, but I'm pretty worn out, so don't expect a lot from me. ;)

Relief washed through Castiel. Dean wasn’t blowing him off, just making a slight change to their plans, and if he was honest, Castiel would much prefer to hang out in his room with Dean than going to sit in some stuffy restaurant with him. He smiled to himself as he tapped out his reply and then he went back to his drawers to switch out his button up for a clean white t-shirt.

When Dean knocked on the door, Castiel was ready for him. He'd popped popcorn, and set up his laptop at the foot of his bed. Two glasses of soda sat on his nightstand, and he was pretty excited about how close they’d need to cuddle up on his twin sized bed to comfortably watch Netflix together.

The way Castiel’s face brightened when he opened the door and Dean was standing there, looking so, so, good in a faded pair of jeans, a ratty old Led Zeppelin t-shirt and his leather jacket was completely uncontrolled. And when the corner of Dean’s mouth twitched into a smirk, a wave of excitement fluttered in Castiel’s stomach.

Even tired, Dean looked fucking fantastic. Stole Castiel’s breath in the best possible way when he leaned in to kiss him softly. Plush and warm and dry, Dean’s lips felt like everything good and Castiel’s hands gripped at Dean’s t-shirt, just hung on until a second later Dean pulled back.

“Mmm. Hi.” Dean hummed in greeting as Castiel’s eyes blinked open, bright and blue, to focus on him.

“Hi.” Castiel said, ignored the breathy quality his voice had taken on and stepped back to let Dean in.

“Not gonna lie, Cas, been waiting all week for that.”

Happily, Dean grinned at him and Castiel’s heart beat faster. Affection spread like melted chocolate through his chest and warmed him from the inside out. Would he ever get used to that feeling? To the way Dean’s eyes sparkled when he looked at him like that? God, he hoped not.

“Me too.” Castiel agreed easily as he led Dean to his room.

“Aww, you got everything all set up.” Dean said while he took in the popcorn, drinks and laptop.

“Shut up. I didn’t have much time.” Castiel laughed.

“No, really, it’s nice.” Dean said sincerely. “Cozy. I like it.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, but smiled warmly and wow there was something all kinds of adorable about that, Dean thought.

“So, wall or outside?” Castiel asked as he waved a hand at the bed.

“Hmm, gee, perched precariously on the edge or stuck between the wall and a hard place?” Dean grinned lasciviously and Castiel scrunched up his nose like he was annoyed, but the effect was ruined by the smile that tugged at the corners of his lips. “I’m gonna go with door number two.”

So Dean crawled onto the bed first and arranged himself with his back propped up, legs outstretched and then he reached for Castiel. Grabbed his hand and tugged him down to tuck in against his side, under his arm.

Something uncomfortably lumpy beneath the pillow behind Dean caught his attention and he reached back with his free arm to tug whatever it was out. Castiel stiffened beside him, but Dean grinned wide at him, the teddy bear he’d sent Castiel gripped in one hand.

“You sleep with it.” Dean said with a chuckle, eyes dancing with delight.

“I- no.” Castiel denied, face crimson.

Of course Dean had found it, this was Castiel’s life. Why, why, had he stuffed it under the pillow before Dean got there instead of putting it in his closet, or hell, under his bed? But nope, he’d shoved it in the one place that Dean would apparently notice.

And then Dean brought the stuffed animal to his face and inhaled. Definitely his cologne, he smirked at Castiel when Castiel grabbed the bear and stuffed it back behind his own pillow.

“Shut up.” Castiel said, closing his eyes tightly while embarrassment burned his cheeks. “Can we just pretend this didn’t happen?”

It was one thing for Dean to find the teddy bear, it was entirely another for him to know that Castiel had actually sprayed it with Dean’s cologne as requested. This was ridiculously embarrassing.

“Hmm.” Dean teased. “I dunno, Cas. It’s pretty adorable. I’m not sure I can pretend I’m not picturing you cuddled up with a teddy bear breathing in the scent of my cologne and imagining I’m there.”

“Oh my God.” Castiel groaned as he covered his face with his hands.

“It’s okay, I get it. You couldn’t help yourself. I’m that awesome.” Dean said, tried and failed to stifle his laughter.

“This isn’t happening.” Castiel prayed, hands dropping to his lap while he glared balefully at the wall opposite the bed, like it had personally offended him.

“Aww, c’mon. It’s pretty funny.” Dean objected and Castiel turned his glare on him.

Dean’s smile stretched wider, and he reached a hand up to cup Castiel’s face and pull him into a kiss. Tense through the first brush of their lips, Castiel let himself relax into it at the second warm pass and Dean licked his way into his mouth, soothed him with the warm slide of his tongue.

Breathless when Dean finally pulled away, Castiel rolled his eyes and decided to change the subject, so he stretched forward and picked up the laptop, perched it across his right thigh and Dean’s left so that it sat in the middle before he comfortably sank back against Dean. Warm and solid, Dean’s arm draped over Castiel’s shoulders.

“So, what should we watch?” Castiel asked, fingers poised over the keyboard.

“Depends, whatcha in the mood for? Comic book movie, rom-com, action, horror?” Dean suggested while he mentally catalogued his favorites from each genre.

“Oh, well, I don’t really read comics, and aren’t romantic comedies generally targeted to women? So maybe action or horror?” Castiel said.

“Hey, just ‘cause they target women, don’t mean they all suck.” Dean blurted, then flushed, a little embarrassed. “But, uh, yeah, action or horror’s good. Got a preference?”

“Maybe…” Castiel started then stopped.

He had a suggestion, but he didn’t, well, he didn’t want to reinforce his own inexperience because the movie he was thinking of was old, and a classic from what he’d heard and he’d kind of wanted to see it for a long time.

“Maybe?” Dean prompted.

No judgement in his voice, just honest curiosity and Castiel opened his mouth, spoke before he could think better of it.

“I kind of always wanted to watch Carrie. But, I just never found the time and-”

“Dude, you’ve never seen Carrie?” Dean didn’t know why he was surprised by anything Castiel said at this point, but there he was caught off guard anyway. “You seen any Stephen King movies?”

Castiel just shook his head, cheeks heating faintly pink.

“Aw, man. We gotta fix that. That’s like, a cardinal sin or something.” Dean said with a wink.

“Fairly sure it’s not actually a cardinal sin.” Castiel said dryly, and where a couple weeks ago, he might have felt abashed at Dean’s light teasing, right then, Castiel was more entertained than anything.

“Maybe not, but I’m personally offended.” Dean said with a grin. “Which means, as my date, you’re contractually obligated to binge watch with me.”

“Oh, well, if I’m contractually obligated, then I guess I’ll have to.” Castiel replied with an indulgent smile.

“Damn right.”

Easily, Castiel laughed, and looked playfully up at Dean smiling at him before he typed in Carrie. Sadly though, Carrie wasn’t on Netflix. A small frown flashed across Castiel’s face and he turned back to Dean again.

“Guess we’ll have to pick something else.”

“Aw, shit.” Dean said with a pout before his expression cleared up. “Wait, I bet we can stream it on Amazon. D’you mind?” Castiel pulled his fingers away and Dean reached for the laptop. “Although, Amazon and Chill just doesn’t sound as good.”

Another patently dirty grin graced Dean’s lips as he typed, and Castiel narrowed his eyes in response, “Dean, I might be a bit out of the loop, but even I know what Netflix and Chill means… Are you trying to tell me you’re less tired than you surmised earlier?”

Dean chuckled, “Don’t get your hopes up, sweetheart. My mind’s totally willing, but my body’s tired as fuck.”

Only mildly disappointed, Castiel settled back against Dean as he clicked play on the movie. It wasn’t that he was desperate to get Dean naked again, alright, maybe a little. Dean had looked awfully good when he’d- Quickly, Castiel cut off his own thoughts before he ended up popping an inappropriate boner given Dean had just told him he didn’t have the energy for that. 

The point was, Castiel was happy just to be with Dean and spend time with him, even if it was something as normal as watching a movie together in bed. It was already fun, and he didn’t necessarily need sex right then to make it a great night.

“Besides, I’m kinda looking forward to seeing if you get all scared and adorable during the movies.” Dean added jokingly as an afterthought.

Okay, so his tone might’ve been joking, but he definitely seriously wanted to know if- hoped that - Castiel would be a typical jump scare snuggler. Maybe he’d turn his face into Dean’s chest at the scary parts. Dean’s insides went all warm and soft at the thought.

And if he wasn’t so used to controlling his emotions for interviews and shit, he definitely would’ve been grinning like a moron about then. As it was, his cheeks heated faintly, and when he looked down at Castiel, he saw amusement in his eyes like he’d read Dean’s slightly sappy thoughts or something.

“I’m not a child, you know.” Castiel said with mock indignation that was entirely unconvincing.

“Mmhmm.” Dean hummed as he hid his smirk in Castiel’s hair.

Their attention was rapidly drawn to the laptop by the loud sound of a whistle, and as the movie began Castiel’s eyebrows slowly rose. Really? A steam-filled dream-quality locker room scene with plenty of gratuitous nudity. He fleetingly wondered if they’d somehow stumbled onto a soft-core porn parody of a scary movie, but Dean didn’t seem to have noticed anything odd.

On the screen Carrie was soaping herself up in an overly graphic and intimate manner and Castiel shifted to glance up at Dean.

“I can see why you like this movie.” Castiel teased and Dean chuckled.

“So I like nice boobs, sue me.” Dean said, then hesitated. It was definitely no secret that Dean liked men and women, but come to think of it, Dean actually had no idea if Castiel swung that way too. He’d sort of pegged Castiel as gay after the whole Hannah thing. Castiel had been so disinterested in it when Hannah had been all over him and she was hot enough that Dean didn’t get why he’d pass up a good lay like that. But it seemed like the kind of thing you should know for sure about someone you were sort of dating, and this was the perfect opportunity to figure it out. “How ‘bout you?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, no preference,” Castiel replied distractedly as he grimaced at the blood flowing down Carrie’s legs.

“Huh.” Dean murmured; he hadn’t actually expected that response.

Castiel was focused on the movie, which was extremely useful because Dean was caught up in processing that information. How awesome would it be to have a threesome with Castiel and some hot chick?

Dean could easily picture Castiel totally dominating and completely taking her apart. She’d be strapped to the bed, spread eagle and dripping wet even though Castiel had barely touched her. Who wouldn’t be for Castiel?

Maybe Dean would just watch because Castiel told him to, sitting on a chair beside the bed, hands on the armrests because he wasn’t allowed to touch. Not until Castiel told him he could. Fuck, that was hot. Dean would be hard, aching for attention while Castiel ran his hands over the woman’s body, palmed her perfect full breasts before he tugged and pinched her nipples to hardened pebbles.

She’d moan and writhe, her hips tilted in a failed attempt to get some friction right where she really wanted it. And then Castiel would call him over, tell him exactly how he wanted Dean to finger her pussy, get her really worked up for Castiel to fuck.

Dean’s thumb would circle her clit while he pumped two fingers into her over and over, the whole time Castiel would encourage him. She’d be panting and begging to come but Castiel wouldn’t let her, he’d watch for the exact moment her body tightened, her toes curled and then he’d tell Dean to stop.

Obediently, Dean would. Wouldn’t even hesitate, hand withdrawn instantly. She’d let out a frustrated sob, maybe even a couple ‘a tears because she was so close and she desperately wanted to come. Castiel wasn’t done with her though, so she’d have to wait. And she would, happily, because when Castiel finally decided she could come, it would be fucking fantastic. Worth it. Every time.

Then Castiel would tell Dean to sit back down, and despite the way his cock throbbed, steadily leaking in his pants, he’d do it, hands back on the arm rests. Almost as desperate for Castiel as she was, maybe even more, Dean’s breathing would be ragged as he contemplated what Castiel would want next.

Would he want both of them to fill her, so that Dean could feel Castiel’s cock sliding against his through a thin wall of flesh. Or would Castiel have Dean fuck her, slide into her and hold there as Castiel slowly opened him up so that he could fuck into Dean while Dean fucked into her.

Or maybe he’d make Dean watch while he fucked her, make him wait until they both came before Dean was finally allowed to come too. Castiel would crawl sensually over her body, line up his cock with her soaking wet entrance and Dean’s dick would twitch in sympathy.

Something painfully sharp and hot pinched in Dean’s chest when he pictured Castiel thrusting into her willing, eager body. The pinch turned into a steady-hot ache when he imagined Castiel looking down into her eyes as he fucked her, and what the hell was that?

Self-reflection wasn’t exactly Dean’s forté, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to put two and two together and realize that what he was feeling was jealousy. And what the fuck? Because Dean didn’t do that. He’d never been the jealous type, and who the hell wouldn’t want Castiel and a beautiful woman at the same time.

Another flash of jealousy sank in his stomach at the thought and he shut it all down, redoubled his efforts to watch the movie instead. He could deal with his newfound jealousy issues when the person in question wasn’t cuddled up to him.

Not long after that Carrie screamed while the other girls taunted her and the teacher tried to calm her down. The sudden pop of a light bulb shattering above Carrie caused Dean to jolt and Castiel cracked up.

“Really? That got you?” Castiel said with a smirk. “Haven’t you seen this movie before?”

Dean’s cheeks burned but he laughed too, “Shut up, it’s been a long time.”

“Mmmhmm.” Castiel grinned. “Maybe I should be the one holding you?”

Dean glared at him, but it lacked any sort of heat, the green of his eyes made lighter with the amusement that danced in them.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Five bucks says you jump at least once before the end.” Dean said.

Which was how Dean lost five dollars that night. He got his revenge though, when they followed up Carrie with It. Turned out Castiel and Sam had a common fear: clowns. Castiel could’ve made it through life without watching an actual scary clown movie. The real things were creepy enough, he thought. But nope, Dean had insisted that it was a classic, necessary.

So, Dean got the frightened cuddles he’d been hoping for, and some of his pride back. By the end of the double feature Dean was yawning and Castiel was wide-eyed jumpy. Dean tried not to take too much joy in their role reversal, but he had to admit he totally loved getting to be the tough boyf- date. Tough date.

There was just something so satisfying about someone you liked huddling into you for protection, even if it was only from a scary movie. It didn’t hurt either that it gave Dean an excuse to press his face to Castiel’s hair and shut up, it wasn’t weird that he liked the fresh outdoorsy smell of Castiel’s shampoo. That was a totally masculine thing to notice.

While the credits rolled Dean stretched his arms up and yawned, totally drained. He’d kind of planned to watch another movie with Castiel, maybe The Shining, but he still had to go all the way home and it was getting pretty late. His body felt weighed down and dog-tired, it was work just to keep his eyelids from sagging. 

“Much as I’d love to keep watching movies with you, I’m beat and I still gotta make it home tonight.” Dean said with a sigh as he brought a hand up to comb through Castiel’s hair.

The gentle scrape of Dean’s fingernails along Castiel’s scalp and sent tiny shivers down Castiel’s spine.

“Or you could stay…” Castiel offered, then quickly clarified. “To sleep, I mean. I know my bed’s probably not as comfy as you’re used to, but, um, I’d kind of like it if you stayed.”

Nervousness jittered in Castiel’s stomach and he wondered if it made him seem clingy to ask that. Maybe he should’ve just let Dean go-

“I am pretty exhausted.” Dean admitted, and he wasn’t looking forward to the trip home anyway… “But I gotta get up pretty early. Especially if I’m gonna make it home to change before the boring shit I have to do tomorrow.”

Relieved, Castiel smiled widely, “That’s fine. It won’t bother me.”

That assurance was all it took for Dean to agree to spend the night. Curled up loosely around Castiel after they’d put up the laptop, stripped down to boxer-briefs and turned out the lights; Dean’s last thoughts once again floated to how awesome this was. How nice and comfortable it felt to be with Castiel like this.

The night passed in a blur of sighs and light snoring and before Dean knew it, his alarm was buzzing on his watch. Warm and sleep-hazy he pushed the button to turn it off and snuggled in closer to Castiel.

A puff of breath escaped Dean’s lips on a surprised exhale when Castiel shifted just right and unconsciously rubbed the back of his thigh against Dean's erection. Lazily, arousal tingled through Dean, and it would be so, so, so easy to just roll Castiel over, wake him up with a gentle brush of lips and tongue and he knew Castiel would be up for it. Would welcome it.

But Dean had kept Castiel up late, and they both had busy days ahead, and while Dean was totally willing to be a little late and worn out, just watching Castiel, peaceful and relaxed, asleep, he couldn't bring himself to wake him.

Instead, the low simmer of desire in Dean’s gut gave way to something softer and Dean smiled to himself. Let his eyes trace the lines of Castiel’s face, was captivated by the dark fan of his lashes against his cheekbones and the way his hair curled a little at the nape of his neck.

There was something so blissfully content blooming in Dean’s chest that he almost ached at the thought that he needed to go. Everything about waking up like this just felt so right.

Unfortunately, he really did have to leave, so he pressed a feather-soft kiss to Castiel’s cheek before he crept from the bed. A rush of affection flooded Dean when Castiel rolled over and burrowed into the warm spot he’d left, stirred a bit, but didn't wake. It was fucking adorable and Dean couldn't have stopped himself from leaning back down and pressing a kiss to Castiel's hair if he’d wanted to.

Then Dean quietly put on his clothes, slipped out the door and left the suite with a mild pang of wistfulness.

Later that morning when Castiel awoke, still pleasantly enfolded in Dean’s crisp, woodsy scent, genuine happiness unfurled in him. Dean might not have been there when he woke up, but he had been there. The smell of his cologne lingered on Castiel's pillow and sheets and it was just enough to tide Castiel over. For now.

Chapter Text

Another week passed mostly in a haze, the exception being Thursday when Dean had texted him to ask if it was okay if they spent their Saturday night together at Sam and Jess’s engagement party.

I feel like kind of a dick, it’s only our second Saturday together and I’m already breaking my promise but I totally forgot about this, Dean had sent.

Castiel had hastened to reassure him that he didn’t see it that way at all. The spirit of the agreement remained intact, they’d be spending their Saturday together, and besides, it actually made Castiel kind of glowy-warm inside that Dean wanted to bring him along to something so personal. Not that he’d said as much to Dean; he’d just told him that as long as they were spending time together, the particular circumstances surrounding it didn’t really matter to him.

And they really didn’t, Castiel was enjoying just getting to know Dean more, and with how important family, and especially Sam, were to Dean, it seemed like a great place to do that would be at Sam’s.

Saturday evening found Castiel staring into his closet, head quirked as he considered his various options. He’d never been to an engagement party before, how dressed up should he get? An indecisive frown drew the corners of his lips down until he finally grabbed his phone to text Dean. He figured it would be less embarrassing to ask than it would be to show up under or overdressed.

Cas: What should I wear tonight?

A moment later his phone pinged in his hand with Dean’s reply.

Dean: If I had my way? Nothing. Ooo, or maybe a pair of cute satiny panties. Light blue to match your eyes.

Castiel’s face flamed red, and his lips parted in shock. That hadn’t been what he’d expected at all, though the image that flashed into his head was more appealing than he’d ever admit. Maybe because it wasn’t himself he’d pictured in panties, and just maybe he ought to explore that particular train of thought on his own later. Before he could even come up with a response his phone pinged again.

Dean: Kidding. I’m kidding, Cas. Mostly. Anyway, something nice, I guess. Maybe dress pants and a dress shirt.

Dean: Oh, a vest. Wear a vest. Pretty please?

And there went his cheeks, pink again, but he grinned and agreed to wear a vest anyway. Pleased that Dean seemed to really enjoy seeing him in sharp clothes.

An hour and half later he was dressed, freshly showered and shaved, ready for Dean to arrive. Castiel called out a goodbye to Balthazar as he grabbed his coat and then headed out to wait for Dean at the parking garage across the skyway.

Mid-November in New York was pretty chilly. Not quite cold enough to see your breath just yet, nearly though, and despite being bundled up, the wet air bit at Castiel’s cheeks and nose. Turned them slightly red with cold. He shoved his hands deeper into the pockets of the lined trenchcoat he’d chosen to wear and wished for a second he’d grabbed a heavier one. Even inside the garage it was cold, and Castiel shivered as he waited.

Thankfully, Dean showed up right on time and Castiel climbed into the warmth of the Impala. A smile, brilliant and wide, stretched Dean’s lips, and Castiel gave him an equally dazzling smile right back.

Gorgeous was an apt descriptor for Dean, who wore a black suit, no tie, paired with a crisp white button up, top two buttons undone. As usual, his clothes seemed tailor made to fit him, probably were for that matter. Castiel certainly appreciated the effort

“Hey. Hope you weren’t waiting long.” Dean said as he brushed his knuckles over Castiel’s flushed cheekbone.

“Not at all. I got ready a little early and thought some air would be nice. I misjudged how cold it would be though.” Castiel replied while he leaned into Dean’s touch.

“Hmm. Maybe I should warm you up a bit before we get going?” Dean suggested with a clever grin.

Green eyes sparkled with interest as Castiel slid a little closer on the bench seat. Dean’s hands drifted into Castiel’s hair and pulled him in for soft kisses that Dean kept purposely light. Didn’t wanna make them late by getting too hot and heavy. Still, he dropped his arms down to wrap around Castiel in an attempt to heat him back up a bit and Castiel melted into it.

Dean smelled amazing, felt amazing too, lips heated and a little wet against Castiel’s. Firm pressure, no tongue but still so, so good. It didn’t take long for Castiel’s body temperature to return to normal and when it had, Dean pulled back with a grin on his face. He very much liked the slightly glazed look in Castiel’s eyes.

“Better get going before I change my mind about how mandatory my presence is at Sam and Jess’s party.” Dean said regretfully.

“I’m sure Sam and Jess appreciate your sacrifice.” Castiel replied.

Dean chuckled, “I’m sure they really don’t.”

***

A short drive later they arrived at Sam’s luxury apartment building. It was the kind of crazy expensive place that people dreamed about affording, and Sam’s was the penthouse. The interior was gorgeous and modern. Bright in a homey, warm, sort of lived in way that threw Castiel for a loop.

He’d spent a great deal of time in the homes of particularly wealthy people. Firmly upper-class, raised by a nanny for the most part when his mother wasn't obsessing over teaching him to play the cello, everyone he’d grown up with was well off. And everyone's homes were immaculate and sterile. Like something out of a home and garden magazine.

Then of course for the past few years, he’d lived in dorms that while nice, were small and maybe the disparity between his experiences and the inviting atmosphere of Sam’s place was part of why he felt a little off.

Dean had let them in the unlocked door, and then led Castiel through to the kitchen where everyone had been waiting. And by everyone he meant everyone. When Dean had said close friends and family, Castiel had pictured way less people. But there was barely standing room; the party had spilled out into the living room and dining room as well. Quiet easy listening music provided a soothing counterpoint to the loud voices and laughs that punctured the air.

“Dean!” Sam exclaimed, hazel eyes drunk-bright as he pushed his way through the crowd, Jess right behind him. “You made it.”

Dean rolled his eyes upward for a moment, Sam drunk was super affectionate. And lacked a filter. And damn it, Dean hated being sober when Sam was drunk. Nothing put him in caretaker mode faster. Fortunately for Dean, Jess seemed totally sober and he attributed the lack of a drink in Sam’s hand to her. Didn’t hurt that John wasn’t there either, thankfully he’d been busy negotiating something or whatever the hell excuse he’d come up with not to have to go. Dean didn’t care, not really, it was just one more reason he could relax.

“Of course, I did. I'm your brother, moron.” Dean scoffed. A grin stole across his face as Sam crushed him in a bear hug. “Okay, okay. Get off.”

Sam’s face lit up again when his eyes landed on Castiel and then he stumbled forward to hug him too, “Cas! Great to see you. Glad you could make it.”

Dean smothered a laugh at the stunned look on Castiel’s face when Sam’s gigantic arms enveloped him. Like he’d never heard of a hug before, Castiel’s arms remained at his sides a moment before they went up around Sam in return. God, it was the most awkward hug Dean had ever seen and he was trying so hard not to laugh that it almost hurt.

“Um, you too? Congratulations.” Castiel said while he patted Sam’s back only slightly stiffly.

Jess had the same way too amused look on her face that Dean did, lips pressed tight with the effort not to giggle.

“Thanks!” Sam beamed proudly at Jess after he released Castiel.

A radiant smile spread across Jess’s face as she looked at Sam, and Castiel thought they looked so happy together. Wistfulness filled Castiel in a swell of emotion, and then Dean’s arm slipped around Castiel’s waist and he felt a faint blush flare to life on his cheeks.

Sam and Jess both noticed the movement and twin grins crossed their faces. A mix of sadistic delight and cat-that-ate-the-canary that Dean didn’t like at all.

“Guess the just friends thing got old, huh?” Jess teased lightly.

Dean’s eyes narrowed.

“Have you seen him?” Dean said, head inclined toward Castiel. “You tell me if being just friends wouldn’t get old.”

“Mhmm.” Jess agreed, her smile broadened, one eyebrow raised.

Castiel just looked uneasily between them. Hadn’t Dean told Sam and Jess about them? He’d just assumed when Dean had invited him to be his date, that they’d know.

“Shut up. Don’t you have guests to mingle with or something?” Dean said, words fond despite the glare he fixed them with. “Shouldn’t you be shoving your soon to be marital bliss in their faces? Seems like that’s what you’re supposed to be doing.”

“Yeah, yeah, fine.” Sam acquiesced, hands up in surrender. “Grab a beer or something. Oh! And try the appetizers. Jo recommended this awesome place and-”

“Sam! Check this out!” Someone called from the living room.

“Just a sec!” Sam shouted over his shoulder. “And you gotta try ‘em. Anyway, we’ll catch up later. Benny’s around here somewhere.”

With that parting comment Sam left them to their own devices. Dean quickly introduced Castiel to the people in the kitchen as his date, and no one batted an eye, so used to Dean’s flavor of the week that it didn’t rate as anything more than a footnote that Dean had a new one.

Castiel was just relieved, because even if Dean hadn’t discussed their relationship with Sam, at least he wasn’t hiding the fact that they had one from his friends and family like Castiel was some awful secret that needed to be kept. And besides, it was still early in their relationship. Dean probably just didn’t want to say anything until, well, until things were further along. People did that, right? They kept their relationships to themselves so that they could develop without interference until things were more solid. Right?

Pulled out of his thoughts when Dean grabbed them a couple drinks, Castiel let himself be led to the living room in search of Benny. Turned out tracking Benny down in the massive apartment was easier said than done, and they’d gotten sidetracked more than once by polite small talk.

It was a bit of a relief when they finally found Benny tucked away in the corner of the dining room talking to a slim guy Castiel didn’t recognize from behind. At least it would be a reprieve from politely smiling and pretending he actually remembered anyone’s name.

“Hey!” Benny exclaimed when he caught sight of them, Castiel’s hand in Dean’s. “Been wonderin’ when you’d get here. Late to your own brother’s engagement party. Sad, Dean. Sad.”

“Benny, we’ve been here for like an hour already lookin’ around for your sorry ass.” Dean grumbled.

Benny’s companion turned around and Castiel’s eyes widened, shocked.

“Kevin?” Castiel and Dean both exclaimed at once before Castiel continued. “What are you doing here?”

Kevin smiled shyly, one of his hands came up to brush the hair out of his eyes before he answered, “Benny asked me to come.”

“I wasn’t aware you and Benny had become friends.” Castiel answered, head tilted quizzically.

“Oh, um.” Kevin looked back at Benny, who smiled easily, and tugged Kevin back to slide his arms around him and tuck his chin over Kevin’s shoulder. Instantly, Kevin relaxed. “We’ve sort of been seeing each other since, well, since laser tag.”

Castiel’s eyebrows crept up his forehead, and he could feel Dean doing the same next to him. Really? Kevin? Kevin Tran. Was involved in a relationship. With another human being. Castiel had never seen him take an interest in anything besides school and music. And really? Benny and Kevin? They were… weirdly adorable together, Castiel noticed. With the way Kevin blushed just a bit when Benny tightened his grip.

“That’s, uh, that’s great!” Dean finally managed to get over his shock long enough to say. “I’m happy for you guys. Benny, man, you deserve it after the whole thing with uh… anyway, that’s awesome.”

Castiel nodded his agreement, “You too, Kevin. You work so hard, you deserve some down time with someone you enjoy.”

“Wanna tell that to my mom?” Kevin muttered.

“Only if you tell it to mine.” Castiel responded dryly.

Kevin laughed, “Deal.”

Conversation flowed easily after that, one topic to the next and time passed quickly. Eventually Dean glanced down at their empty bottles and then looked back up at Castiel.

“I’m gonna run to the washroom and grab us a couple more drinks. You good here?” Dean asked.

“Of course. I’m fully capable of carrying on a conversation without you for a few minutes.” Castiel said, proud of the way he’d managed not to roll his eyes.

Probably because some part of him actually found Dean’s concern sweet instead of patronizing. That part should probably shut up, honestly. But it didn’t, and he smiled when Dean leaned in to press a quick kiss to his lips before he excused himself.

“Oh hey, c’mon Kev, I wanna introduce you to Jo’s mom. You’ll get a kick outta her!” Benny said as he tugged Kevin’s elbow and directed him toward an older brunette who was laughing with Jo and Charlie on the other side of the large dining room. “You comin’ Castiel?”

“I’ll just wait here for Dean. He shouldn’t be long.”

Castiel felt more comfortable letting Dean do the introducing, afraid he might stumble over his words and give the wrong impression to the wrong person.

Bored a minute later, he was leaning back against the the wall staring intently at the bottle in his hand as he peeled the label in tiny pieces. The scent of expensive perfume hit his nose and before Castiel even had a chance to look up, a delicate hand draped over his shoulder. Uncomfortably, he looked up and found himself being devoured by pretty green eyes.

They were too light though, not warm enough or intense enough. Evidently, the only ‘right’ green eyes came packaged with the body of an adonis, the drawl of a good ole southern boy and the presence of a rock god. Huh, when had that happened?

Castiel managed to snap himself out of his wandering thoughts when he realized the woman who owned the not right green eyes was speaking to him. She also not so subtly ran her fingers along the edge of Castiel’s vest.

“So you’re Dean’s latest then?” She said with a lilting English accent. “Not his usual type.”

“Yes, I’m... here with Dean.” Castiel stuttered, caught off guard by the woman’s directness. “I’m not really sure what type you think I am, Ms…”

“Bela, Bela Talbot.” She held out her other hand in offering, the one not engaged in pawing at Castiel.

Why is she doing that? It‘s incredibly distracting.

“Well Ms. Talbot, like I said-”

“Call me Bela, darling. When you’re part of the I Fucked Dean Winchester club you get to be on a first name basis with the other members.” She purred as Castiel stumbled to find words to deny but couldn’t. “He just doesn’t usually like them so wide eyed and innocent is all. Not to mention he’s more of a runway fashion kind of man, not preppy chic.”

Castiel could tell he was at least three shades redder than he was when Bela first approached him. Awkward and embarrassed for reasons he didn’t really understand, not to mention the jealousy that Bela invoked in him; which was insane, because it wasn’t like he had some sort of retroactive rights to Dean, Castiel didn’t know how to react to that.

“Was there... was there something you wanted... Bela?” Castiel managed to choke out her first name. No need to be rude to one of Sam’s guests.

“Oh yes, you see, you may not be Dean’s usual fare but I can’t blame him. You’re positively edible.” Bela said as she moved in closer until she stood directly in front of Castiel, only a few scant inches away.

And she was still playing with his damned vest, tracing up the buttons now.

“Th-thank you?” Castiel said, though it was more of a question than a statement.

“I thought perhaps, you’d like to spend some time with both myself and Dean, maybe get out of here for a while.” She said while she leaned in and tilted her face up so that her lips almost brushed Castiel’s cheek.

“I... I don’t think Dean-”

“Oh please, it wouldn’t be the first, or even fifth, threesome Dean and I have shared. Likely not the last either.” Bela said as she pulled up.

Castiel didn’t miss the cutting look in her eyes that was there and gone. It landed, regardless of its brevity. Dean had implied that he rarely went back to the same partner before Castiel. This was confusing and the room was warm and with Bela so close Castiel was starting to feel a little caged in. He was so focused that he was just as surprised by the rumbling voice that sounded right behind Bela as she was.

“Hey Bela, what idiot let you out of your cell?” Dean gritted out.

Immediately, Bela’s hand dropped as she spun around and stepped next to Castiel so she faced Dean. Castiel’s reprieve from all the touching was only momentary though as she slipped a finger into the belt loop at his hip to tug him close to her.

“Oh Dean, I was just introducing myself to your latest toy, darling. Nothing to get mean about.” Bela rested her head on Castiel’s shoulder as she spoke. “I was just telling... oh dear, I never did catch your name.”

“Castiel.” Dean answered before Castiel had a chance to, his eyes glued to where Bela was still toying with the waist of Castiel’s pants.

Why the hell isn’t Cas doing anything to stop her?

“Right, Castiel. I was just telling Castiel here about all the fun times we’ve had. I thought perhaps the three of-”

“Not a chance Bela, he ain’t for you darlin’.”  Dean said with an exaggerated drawl.

Without waiting for anyone else to speak, Dean grabbed Castiel’s unobstructed arm, the one that still clutched his empty beer bottle, which fuck Dean had forgotten to grab more beer, and pulled him forcibly away from Bela, who just narrowly missed a broken nail or worse when she managed to pull her finger free before it was twisted.

“Dean-” Castiel started as he was dragged through the dining room and into a hall they hadn’t been down yet.

“C’mon.” Dean said, although it was entirely unnecessary because at that point Castiel wouldn’t dare stop.

Dean continued down the wide hall and they passed several doors before he came to a set of double doors at the end of the hallway. He threw them open before he pushed Castiel through and slammed the doors shut behind them.

Castiel had just enough time to take in that they were in what must be the master bedroom, judging by the size and personal effects scattered about before he was pressed into the wall beside the doors and Dean was plastered over him, his mouth on Castiel’s with a bruising force that didn’t scream want but claim.

Frankly, it would've been pretty hot if Castiel hadn’t been so completely lost as to what had just happened.

“Dean!” Castiel said more firmly this time, palms pressed against Dean’s chest. He put just enough force in it to make a space between them.

“What Cas?” Dean asked irritably.

Castiel’s eyes searched Dean’s, dark stormy green in the dim light of Sam’s bedside lamp. Face taut with barely suppressed anger that just made Castiel feel even more confused.

“Dean what’s going on? Did I... I was very polite to your friend, I assure you. Are you angry with me?” Castiel asked, concern in his words.

“I just wanted to get you aw- Wait, did you say you were polite? Shit, did you... did you want what she was offering, Cas? Shit man, I didn’t mean…” Dean scrubbed at the back of his neck, tried to rub away the prickles of jealousy there that were attempting to come out and play. “Hey, c’mon. I’m sure she’s still... We can go find her.”

Inexplicably, Dean’s stomach turned with nausea when he went to grab the doorknob while he simultaneously reached for Castiel’s arm. This time Castiel was able to anticipate the move and slid out of his reach.

“Dean stop! I don’t want any of that. I don’t want her. I only want you.” Castiel practically shouted to ensure Dean actually heard him this time. Maybe the last sentence kind of slipped out and Castiel might’ve said a little prayer that Dean didn’t notice it.

Relieved, Dean dropped his hand from the doorknob and his shoulders slumped. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly why he was relieved, though. He had spent more than a handful of nights happily engaged in pretty hot threesomes with Bela. But something about her touching Castiel had set off some primally possessive part of Dean.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, “It’s just, she was kinda all over you and you weren’t exactly telling her to back off.”

“It’s called a mixture of shock and good manners, Dean.” Castiel said dryly. “I wasn’t anticipating being groped by your friends and since I’ve no idea the kind of relationships you had with said friends, I didn’t want to be rude.” Castiel punctuated this last word by grabbing the front of Dean’s shirt and pressing him into the wall, mirroring Dean’s previous actions. “I’m a guest in your brother’s home.”

Rough and quick, Castiel’s lips pressed against Dean’s before he pulled back again. Dean kind of enjoyed this little back and forth dynamic.

“Well aren’t you just a good boy.” Dean said with a smirk as he pushed Castiel back, back, back until he gave one final rough shove that landed Castiel hard on the edge of the bed.

He took advantage of Castiel’s surprise and straddled his lap before he had a chance to get up. In no time at all they were clinging to each other, while their kisses gradually built up in intensity until their tongues, lips and teeth worked near violently together. Hot and desperate and perfect.

Castiel’s hands came up to cup Dean’s jaw gently, reverently, his calloused fingers dragged across Dean’s stubble and it felt like sandpaper, set off sparks of pleasure that travelled from his fingertips, up his arms and down his spine.

So badly, Castiel wanted Dean so badly. Wanted everything from him. His hands smoothed down Dean’s neck firmly, slid around to Dean’s back, under his blazer to tug his dress shirt free. The need to feel Dean’s bare skin beneath his fingers grew with each possessive pass of Dean’s tongue, each slide of lips, and flash of teeth. And then finally, his hands found their goal, and all that smooth bare skin felt like silk stretched taut. Arousal pooled scorching hot in Castiel’s gut, Dean made him feel things no else did or could.

It was damn close to perfect. Dean shuddered, bucked down onto Castiel’s lap and ground himself on the thick, swollen line of Castiel’s cock where it strained his pants. Lit them both up with pleasure and then let out a hiss of pain, so good, when Castiel scraped his fingernails deliberately down Dean’s back.

Fuck, it felt so goddamn sexy, the way Castiel’s hard cock pressed up into him, even through all the layers between them. And maybe a little because of them. There was something ridiculously hot about rutting against each other like a couple of horny teenagers especially when they didn’t have to. Could be naked in a second. Dean could slide off Castiel, unbuckle his belt and suck his cock like he’d been dying to do for weeks.

Dean would’ve loved to take things further, just spend the next few hours locked in Sam’s room and hope no one noticed him getting to know every little place on Castiel’s body that turned him on, made him gasp and moan and beg. Explore every last bit of Castiel’s skin with his fingers and lips and tongue, scrape his teeth along Castiel’s hip bones to see if it made him shiver.

Tempting though that was, Dean was sure Sam wouldn’t appreciate him skipping out on his hopefully one and only engagement party to hook up with his, uh, his… Dean’s hips stilled, distracted, even while he continued to kiss Castiel frantically. His what? His Cas? No, too I-own-you. But, his Cas had kind of a nice ring to it, Dean thought. Then wondered when exactly an appropriate time for the what-are-we conversation would be.

Two weeks seemed too soon, right? Like, they should probably just, not. Yet. But sometime. Definitely sometime. It was weird how not freaked out Dean was by the turn his thoughts had taken, because normally by the level of seriousness he was currently considering, Dean would be well on his way to checking out. Getting in this deep, even though they’d barely scratched the surface of whatever this was, wasn’t something Dean did. Ever.

Castiel pulled away first, his eyes blinked open and Dean met his gaze. The clear affection in Castiel’s midnight blues made an achingly unusual warmth spread like sticky molasses in Dean’s chest.

“Where did you go?” Castiel asked, way too perceptive.

“Uh, nowhere, Cas. I’m right here.” Dean said, decided on playing dumb, brushed Castiel’s bangs off of his forehead in a lame attempt at redirection.

“Mmhmm.” Castiel’s hum was distinctly unimpressed. “But what were you thinking?”

Dean scrambled for something, anything other than what he’d actually been thinking and went with his first stray thought, “Just feeling guilty, I guess. For skipping out on Sam’s party, ya know?”

“Oh.” Castiel said with a quick nod, almost to himself before he slid Dean over to the side and abruptly stood up, and hey, where did he think he was going?

“Cas, what are you-”

“We should get back, you’re right.” Castiel tried, and failed spectacularly, not to sound disappointed.

“Wait, Cas-” Dean reached out and tugged him back, must’ve pulled him a little harder than he thought because Castiel wound up sprawled over him on the bed, and yeah, whatever, this was perfect.

Dean plunged his hands into Castiel’s hair and guided him down for a kiss. Their lips met and parted, slick and sensitive, almost bruised from their impatient kisses earlier. And then Castiel’s tongue shoved its way into his mouth. Flicked, twisted, tasted, and any extraneous thoughts either of them might’ve been having vanished like fog burning off a lake.

“Too… goddamn… many clothes.” Dean gasped into Castiel’s mouth between kisses that felt like too much and not even close to enough. Dean was done with the whole like teenagers thing. He needed Castiel inside him, five minutes ago preferably. Eagerly, Castiel grazed his lips along the stubble at Dean’s jaw, bit down on the hinge and Dean groaned. “Fuck me. Cas, I need you to fuck me right now.”

Castiel pulled back enough to look down at Dean incredulously for a moment, “But we’re in-”

“Yeah, yeah, Sam’s room. Don’t give a fuck.” Dean said quickly. “We can be fast, Cas. Come on. I need your cock inside my ass right. Now.” Dean stressed his words with a pornographic roll of his hips; Bright spots burst in Castiel’s vision and he let Dean’s insistence wash away any reticence. “No one’ll notice if we’re missing for a little bit. I bet there’s even lube and condoms in the night stand.”

One more slow, hard roll of Dean’s hips up and Castiel nodded his fervent agreement. Dean leaned up to crush their lips together again, slid his tongue into Castiel’s mouth in the hottest way possible before he rolled them so that Castiel laid on the massive king-size bed beneath him.

So hot that Castiel didn’t stand a chance when Dean moved to kneel over his lap. Shrugged out of his blazer and then slowly unbuttoned his dress shirt. Castiel’s eyes burned up at him, watched every movement Dean’s fingers made on their gradual descent.

“You said fast, Dean. That’s not fast.” Castiel complained, voice strangled as Dean teasingly paused at the last button.

“I did, didn’t I?” Dean mused. He crawled back off of Castiel to stand beside the bed and get the rest of his clothes off. Before Castiel could blink, Dean had his button-up and undershirt on the floor. When Castiel moved to stand too Dean shook his head. Stepped out of his pants and boxer-briefs as he elaborated. “Stay like that.”

Castiel frowned, confused, while Dean toed off his socks,  “You want me to keep my clothes on?”

“Yeah.” Dean breathed. “You’re so fuckin’ hot in that outfit. Not that, ya know, you’re not hot all the time. Just, there’s something really goddamn hot about you bein’ all dressed and me naked and yeah, I’m gonna stop talking now.”

“Oh.” Castiel said as realization dawned on him. “You like feeling vulnerable.”

“Shut up. No.” Dean denied while his cheeks flushed pink. He walked over the the nightstand, ignored the way his cheeks flamed and pulled open the drawer. Condoms, check, and oh, hey- “Haha. They have the exact same tube of Astroglide you have. Guess it’s pretty popular.” Dean grinned at Castiel for a second before he looked back down, grabbed a condom and the lube. “Oh gross.”

Castiel raised a brow at Dean’s disgusted expression from his position reclined in the center of the bed. “Find something in their drawer you didn’t expect to find?”

“Ugh, yeah. A vibrator. I could’ve gone my whole life without knowing Jess had a sparkly purple silicone jack rabbit. There’s things a man doesn’t need to know about his future sister in law, Cas.”

“Maybe it’s Sam’s.” Castiel suggested with a smirk.

“Not helping!” Dean exclaimed as he shut the drawer abruptly.

“Hmm.” Castiel hummed as he unbuckled his belt, and got his pants open. “Does this help?”

“Hell yes.” Dean said, eyes locked on Castiel’s hand as it dipped into the waistband of his underwear and brought his cock out.

“You know, I think I’d really like you to get over here now.” Castiel said as casually as he could manage.

Which wasn’t very because Dean was naked, fucking gorgeous and wanted Castiel to fuck him again. This time instead of any nervousness, what Castiel felt more than anything was anticipation and a deep sense of desire for Dean. Not just sexually of course, it’d never been just sexual for him. He wanted Dean on so many levels, all the time.

“Mm. What’re you gonna do to me when I get over there?” Dean asked mischievously as he stood his ground.

“Huh, I’d be more worried about what I’ll do to you if you don’t get over here.” Castiel informed him, a dark smirk on his face when Dean’s cock bobbed in reaction.

“Yeah? You wanna punish me, Cas?” Dean asked as he stepped closer, one knee up on the side of the bed.

“It does sound appealing.” Castiel admitted. “But I was under the impression we should be fast. Though for some reason you’ve been extremely slow ever since you made that plea.”

Dean rolled his eyes, “Okay, okay. I’ll speed things up.”

True to his word Dean climbed onto the bed and back up Castiel’s body until they were face to face. Dropped the lube and condom on the mattress next to the pillows. The soft material of Castiel’s pants on the sensitive insides of Dean’s legs sent a little shiver of excitement through Dean.

“Did I tell you how hot you look yet?” Dean asked as he snuck a peek down between them at the absolutely filthy picture they made together.

Dean shifted to drag his cock along Castiel’s; the image more than the actual friction spiked his arousal. When Dean looked back up at Castiel his eyes were glued to their cocks and Dean couldn’t blame him because it was hot as fuck to watch.

Finally Castiel tore his attention away from what Dean was doing long enough to grab the bottle of lube from where Dean had left it beside his head.

“Dean.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m going to get you nice and slick and then I want you to ride me until you come.” Castiel said as he stared intensely into Dean’s eyes.

“You liked that, huh?” Dean asked with a smirk.

“I think like is an understatement, but yes.” Castiel agreed; he’d replayed his memories of Dean slamming down hot and wet and tight onto his cock during way too many jerk-off sessions over the last couple weeks to rate something as small-sounding as like.

“Yeah, me too.”

The lube cap clicked and Dean wet his lips with his tongue, loved that Castiel’s eyes tracked the motion like he wanted to be the one doing the licking. A second later Dean was up on his knees with Castiel sitting beneath him, one of Castiel’s hands in his hair so he could guide Dean into a desperate kiss while his other hand reached behind Dean to rub slickly against his hole.

A few quick teasing circles before Castiel buried his middle finger up to the knuckle inside Dean. God, his fingers were long and wide, and the stretch of just that single finger felt so good, Dean couldn’t for the life of him remember why he’d been so nervous about doing this. Either Castiel was really, really good at this, or Dean just fucking loved the sensations.

Didn’t matter which it was because once Castiel started to draw his finger out and slide it wetly back in Dean didn’t care why it felt so goddamn great, just craved more. A few more pumps and Dean was gonna combust if Castiel didn’t hurry the fuck up.

“Cas, please, fuck. I need… More, Cas, more.” Dean begged against Castiel’s lips.

Well that didn’t take long, Castiel thought rather smugly. God Dean was so hot inside, “Just can’t wait to sink down on my cock, can you Dean?”

Another of Castiel’s fingers pushed into him; the feeling of it was still so new to Dean and it shocked a hot little whimper out of him that Castiel urgently needed to hear more of. He pressed in harder, rougher and Dean bit his lip, tried to keep in a moan but only succeeded in muffling it a little.

Felt so good, coated in a sheen of sweat that glistened, Dean panted, “Need it. I-I.. Cas, I need it.”

“Do you?” Castiel asked as he withdrew his fingers only to add more lube and slide three of them deep into Dean, grazed his prostate in the best goddamn way.

Castiel’s cock twitched when Dean let out a ragged moan that was probably way too loud but neither of them cared. Dean’s hips rocked back onto Castiel’s hand like he wanted Castiel deeper, like he needed it.

“Yes! I need it! Need you to-”

“Oh shit!” Sam’s voice came from the door.

Dean froze, Castiel looked up at him with wide eyes, like a deer in the headlights, face bright pink. It wasn’t that Sam had never walked in on Dean before, but he definitely hadn’t walked in on him doing this and-

“Dean, what the hell.” Sam muttered. “You promised you weren’t gonna fuck on my bed anymore.”

Castiel’s eyebrows raised as his brain finally caught up with what was happening. As quickly as he could while being gentle he pulled his fingers free. Cringed at the lube-wet squelch it made. Castiel had never felt so awkward in his life, and he felt awkward a lot.

“I’m so sorry, Sam.” Castiel said when Dean still hadn’t responded, which kicked Dean’s brain into gear.

“Jesus Sam, knock much?” Dean asked as he yanked the edge of the bedding that was tucked in to pull up and cover Castiel’s exposed erection which had surprisingly only flagged slightly with his embarrassment.

“Dean, it is his room. I don’t think he anticipated walking in on... this.” Castiel said, mustering a calmness he wasn’t entirely feeling.

“Yeah Dean, what Cas said.” Sam said with a raised eyebrow as he watched Dean finish tucking the blanket around a barely exposed Castiel. Jess was gonna wanna wash that right away since Dean hadn’t even stopped long enough to tuck the poor guy’s dick back into his pants.

“Shut up Sam! And stop looking at him! Get out!” Dean shouted as he scrambled from the bed, completely oblivious to his own nudity.

“Seriously Dean? I’ve sat five feet from you as you had some chick stripped naked and riding your dick and that’s just one of many other times I’m not entirely comfortable mentioning in polite company. I’ve seen more of your conquests naked than I’ve seen of my own. What the hell-”

“That was different!” Dean roared, interrupting Sam.

Silence fell as Castiel tried to angle to see what was happening, unable to do so without disturbing the blanket Dean had been determined to cover him in and unwilling to chance it.

What he couldn’t see was the look of shock on both Sam and Dean’s faces, while they came to the same sudden realization. When Sam started to open his mouth Dean grabbed his arm and yanked him through the door and out into the hall before shutting the door behind him.

“Dean you’re-” Castiel’s voice was cut off as the door banged shut.

“Holy shit!” Sam exclaimed softly.

“Sammy.” Dean’s tone was a warning.

“Jesus Christ Dean, you finally went and did it. You finally got past the bullshit and actually let feelings become a factor.” Sam said as a warm smile split his face.

“Hey, there’ve been plenty of feelings. You know I don’t fuck anyone I don’t like.” Dean said defensively.

“Yeah, well it’s not hard to like someone when you’ve only known them for five minutes and you know it’s only a matter of time, although I’d say even that isn’t true. How many times have you hooked up with Bela and you can barely tolerate her.”

“Hey, angry sex can be pretty hot. Shut up.” Dean growled as he suddenly became fascinated with the floor.

“You love him.” Sam said simply.

Dean’s head snapped up, denial on his lips. But it never came. His face softened as he nodded slowly.

“Yeah, I do... what the fuck did I do Sammy?” Dean asked, his eyes more open and honest than Sam had ever seen other than when Dean’d sunk into his music.

“Looks like you finally found your Jess.” Sam said with a grin.

Sam and Dean had often joked about Jess being the goal at the end of the line that everyone was looking for. Sam had been no different than Dean before he met Jess at some geeky poetry reading that had been going on next door to one of their smaller club appearances. He’d snuck over before the show started to check it out and barely made it back before they were due onstage but he came back with a phone number.

Dean wanted to argue, wanted to remind Sam that Castiel and Jess were two very different people. Jess was able to pick up her life and spend a whole lot of time on tour with Sam. Castiel definitely didn’t have that luxury. He wanted to argue that they’d only been together for a short time and he couldn’t possibly be in love with him.

Instead all he did was sport a matching grin.

“Yeah I-”

“Holy shit my eyes! Dean Winchester what would your momma say if she were here to see you standin’ around buck naked in a home full of guests!” Ellen yelled from down the hall where she was standing with a smirking Jo, a laughing Benny and a stunned Kevin.

Right about then Dean realized that Castiel had been trying to point out to him that he was still completely naked. First instinct was to dash into the room and hide his embarrassment. But that just wouldn’t be Dean Winchester, would it?

“Why Ellen,” Dean said, grinning as he leaned back against the door, “If you want a closer view, come on over sweetheart. You know I love a woman with experience.”

Dean could tell that Ellen was working up a full head of steam and was about to let loose on him which Dean was looking forward to, he loved riling that woman up.

Unfortunately that was the moment that the door he was leaning on was abruptly pulled back as Castiel stuck his head out

“Dean is everything-fuck!” Castiel shouted out as Dean was unable to stop his body from following the door and his weight pushed it back against Castiel until they were both thrown off balance and fell into a pile of tangled limbs.

Dean managed to extract himself and give one last glare out at the now hysterically laughing group of people before he slammed the door shut again. He stood up then extended a hand to help Castiel up while his glare melted into a grin.

“So, where were we?” he asked as he started crowding into Castiel’s space.

“What? Seriously? No. No, Dean.” Castiel said firmly as he backed away, his hands up in defense. “You may enjoy a certain amount of exhibitionism, clearly. But I do not. There is a group of people out there that know what we were doing. Your brother is out there and he knows what we were doing.”

Nevermind the fact that even though Castiel had been mostly dressed Sam was still the only other person to see that much of Castiel aside from family and Balthazar, whose lack of bathroom boundaries didn’t count as far as Castiel was concerned.

“Aww c’mon Cas, does that mean I won’t be fucking your face on stage so you can live out every fan’s dream in front of thousands of them?” Dean purred, still moving closer.

Okay, maybe that was a little crude. But it got Dean’s mind off his feelings and he needed the distraction. Plus he wanted to make Castiel squirm. He should have known better.

Castiel paused his movement in what Dean assumed was surprise. Then Dean passed within arms reach and Castiel stepped forward, his hand shot up lightning quick to grip at Dean’s short hair and yank so that his neck was curved out and exposed. Hotly, Castiel nuzzled against Dean’s quickening pulse before he spoke against his slick skin.

“I think we both know that it would be me that would have you on your knees as I forced my cock in your mouth and tested how well trained your breath control is.” Castiel growled as he nipped at the curve of his jaw.

Holy shit. Dean let out a low moan as Castiel continued to grip his hair while his lips slid down to mouth at the thick tendon just above where Dean’s shirt would stop. He only gave one gentle warning lick before he sank his teeth into the taut flesh and then sucked hard, brought blood to the surface and worked at it ‘til there was a stark bruise blooming there surrounded by a perfect imprint of Castiel’s teeth.

So goddamn hot that when Castiel stepped away and let go of Dean, Dean’s knees nearly gave out.

“Fuck Cas,” Dean grumbled as he rubbed at his neck while he composed himself. “That’s definitely gonna leave a mark that ain’t gonna be covered.”

“It’s scarf weather Dean, you’ll survive.” Castiel said with a firm stare that didn’t hide the spark in his eyes. “It should keep that Bela woman from thinking she has a chance with you for the rest of the night at least.”

Dean couldn’t help but grin as Castiel walked around him and headed for the door.

“I can’t believe you just marked me, Cas. You wanna pee on me next? Watersports aren’t my thing but I’m sure we can negotiate.” Dean said with a smirk. “How do you feel about Zorro?”

Castiel had made it to the door and opened it before he turned to roll his eyes at Dean.

“Get dressed Dean. Don’t leave me out here longer than necessary.” Castiel said before he ducked out the door and shut it.

For a few moments, Dean stood there and stared at the door as his cocky expression melted to something softer.

I love Cas.

“Well, I’ll be damned.” Dean said to the empty room.

Chapter Text

Dean: So, I was thinking....

Castiel: Yeah?

Dean: What if you come to my place this Saturday? You haven’t been over yet and I kinda don’t get the chance to cook much when I’m on the road, so I’m not the best at it, but I make a pretty mean steak and garlic mashed potatoes. You could stay over, if you want.

Castiel grinned down at his phone. He could practically hear the nervousness in Dean’s text, how adorable was that? Dean Winchester, nervous about Castiel spending the night at his apartment.

Castiel: Sounds great, Dean. I’d love to see where you live.

Dean: Really? Ok, great. Wanna bring your cello? I thought we could play a bit together after supper.

Castiel: I’d love that.

Dean: Awesome.

Dean: I kinda like you a lot, Cas.

It took Castiel a moment to catch his breath after that. Warmth spread through him, heated him up and brought a flush to his cheeks.

Castiel: I kind of like you a lot too, Dean.

The warmth of that one conversation via text carried Castiel through the rest of his week, and by the time Saturday rolled around he’d excitedly packed a bag with a change of clothes, pajamas and an extra toothbrush. And so what if he’d had it packed since Wednesday. He just liked to plan ahead, that was all.

He’d waited out front again to be picked up, because Dean had warned him he was sending Adam to get him, so he didn’t need to head over to the garage. Something about getting things ready for their supper and wanting everything to be perfect when Castiel arrived.

This time Castiel had wisely chosen to wear a thick dark grey wool blend coat with a warm liner that fell to just above his knees and kept him much warmer until Adam’s blue sedan pulled up.

Adam smiled happily when Castiel got in the car, and the two of them spent a companionable drive to Dean’s apartment. Relatively close to Sam’s, Dean’s was the same sort of luxury building. The kind you could tell from the outside that only exceptionally wealthy people lived in.

Before he drove away, Adam waved and then Castiel walked up to the door, smiled stiffly at the doorman as he passed. Once the elevator opened, Castiel swiped the card Adam had given him so that he could get up to the penthouse without an escort or needing to sign in and call up.

Nervously, Castiel shifted as the elevator climbed up and up. He adjusted his overnight bag which he’d slung on his shoulder while his fingers twisted around the handle of his cello case. He had no idea why he was feeling so nervous. Dean had been to Castiel’s room, Castiel had seen Dean’s brother’s home.

Maybe it was less about being at Dean’s place and more about the fact that Castiel was staying at Dean’s place and everything it implied. Sure, they’d had sex. But every time so far had been entirely unplanned, a moment of passion and impulse.

Castiel was startled out of his thoughts by the soft beep that signaled his destination had been reached. The doors opened on a very short, but wide hallway. More of an entryway, really. He stared for so long at the double doors that he had to let go of his cello with one hand to stop the elevator from closing on him.

Taking a breath, Castiel stepped out of the doorway and across the short distance to the doors. He’d reached up and was just about to knock on it when it was suddenly pulled open. Dean stood in the doorway with his hand still on the knob, a broad smile on his face as he bounced on the balls of his feet.

“Jeez Cas, thought you were never gonna come in.” He smirked as he stepped out of the way to let Castiel inside.

“How-” Castiel started as he walked through the door.

“Bell sounds in the apartment when the elevator doors open on my floor. I was excited to see you so I came to greet you properly. When you didn’t come right away I checked the peephole to see if it'd been a delivery or something. Couldn’t help watching though, you’re so cute when you’re all nerved up.” Dean paused to reach up and grasp the front of Castiel’s shirt. “Speaking of proper greetings.”

Dean tugged Castiel in to meet him halfway. Gently slid his lips across Castiel’s, just a light flick of his tongue to hint at the heat to come. When Dean pulled back, he enjoyed the brief moment that Castiel stood there, a frozen tableau of perfection with his eyes shut, his cheeks pinked up with heat, lips parted and just a touch wet from Dean’s tongue. Then Castiel lost his balance as his overnight bag shifted and he overcompensated only to have his cello to throw him off further. Dean released the door and allowed it to drift shut as his hands shot out to stabilize Castiel.

“Woah there, sorry bout that, babe. Let me take that for you.” Dean said as he grabbed the handle of the cello case and shifted slightly with a grimace before he moved further into the apartment.

Castiel followed after Dean, glad to be behind him as he willed the embarrassed tinge that colored his cheeks at his clumsiness to go away. He’d barely noticed the fondness in Dean’s voice but his heart had given a wild stutter when Dean’d called him babe.

As they moved down the hall, livingroom, dining room, kitchen, Castiel caught quick glances. In the flashes that he got, Castiel could tell right away that this place was very different than Sam’s. It was beautiful, no doubt, the furnishings lavish, the artwork expensive and high end.

But it lacked the warmth and color that Dean exuded. It was impersonal, almost like Dean had just purchased the apartment with the furnishings used to stage it. Castiel didn’t see a single photograph or memento.

Which was probably why Castiel was so surprised when Dean opened the door near the end of the hall right before another set of double doors at the end and Castiel followed him in. He found himself in Dean’s personal studio. The door opened to the control room. Through the glass, Castiel saw into the iso room, which was fairly generic and just big enough to house the entire band.

But the control room was another story. The desk facing the glass contained the expected soundboard and a couple of monitors. Various electronics lined the wall closest to the desk. From there the room expanded back. There was a couch and a couple of armchairs upholstered in warm leather that, while well taken care of, had seen a good deal of use. There was a coffee table nestled in the semi circle of furniture.

What really drew Castiel’s eye, though, were the walls. Where the rest of the apartment had been meticulous and perfectly decorated, in here the walls erupted in vivid color. Every inch was covered; Posters that Castiel recognized from his previous googling along with ones that he hadn’t seen before. Some of them were clearly professionally designed while others looked like someone had written them out with a sharpie and slapped a photo on before xeroxing it.

There were also pictures. As Dean gently set the cello to lean against one of the chairs Castiel found himself absorbed in them. There were pictures of Dean with his bandmates, several with his brother, a few with Benny. Castiel smiled at some of a younger Dean performing, leaning against a pool table, on a beach clearly in a much warmer climate than New York, standing with a crowd of other young people holding a bright red solo cup. Pictures that told of a youthful life lived fully.

Nestled in amongst the vibrancy of Dean’s life, Castiel found himself drawn to an old faded polaroid, the corners just a touch yellow. A pretty blonde woman smiled back at him, a baby in one arm and a small boy, with the same bright green smiling eyes she had, cuddled up against her and a beautiful old violin made of dark wood and polished to shine laying across her lap.

Dean cleared his throat nearby and Castiel turned just in time to see Dean shift uncomfortably once again. Chalking it up to having Castiel in what appeared to be the heart and soul of Dean’s place, Castiel allowed himself to be led out. It was almost jarring to go from such warmth back to such stark surroundings.

Castiel quickly forgot the strangeness of it when he followed Dean into the dining room and was immediately surrounded by the delicious smells of caramelized meat and garlic which made his mouth absolutely water.

“You’ve got perfect timing, Cas.” Dean said with a grin. “I just finished loading up the plates.”

“Yes, my teachers have often told me the same.” Castiel said dryly.

“I can’t believe I’ve got a thing for someone that makes geeky music jokes.” Dean groaned. “Good thing that excellent rhythm of yours translates into the bedroom or I might have to dump you.”

Ordinarily Castiel might have taken the statement as a criticism but he’d become accustomed to Dean’s humor as well as his innuendo and was instead able to let out a warm laugh that made Dean smile like he’d just won a Grammy.

Sincerely, Castiel said, “It smells delicious Dean. I can’t wait to eat it.”

Amused, Castiel quirked an eyebrow when Dean escorted him to a chair with a steaming plate in front of it and pulled the chair out. Dean ignored it and after he slid the chair in, he made his way around to his own seat. Once again, Castiel noted a strange expression cross Dean’s features as he settled into his seat but he chose to overlook it in favor of digging into his plate of food.

They made conversation in between moans of appreciation but as the meal went on it became harder and harder to ignore Dean’s squirming. Clearly something was wrong.

He’d begun to wonder if Dean was having second thoughts about that night. Sure, Dean’d asked Castiel to fuck him that first time but maybe he wasn’t really as into it as Castiel thought? Maybe Castiel should offer to bottom. The thought shot nerves through Castiel that surprised him a little. Sure, it was like losing his virginity all over again but it’s not like he wasn’t used to Dean getting all his firsts by then.

When Dean popped the last of his steak in his mouth and followed his chewing with yet another uncomfortable shift in his seat Castiel couldn’t take it anymore.

“Dean, what’s wrong?” Castiel asked; tried to mask his worry and failed.

Dean’s eyes went a little wide and Castiel’s nerves jumped, his heart hammered hummingbird fast.

“Wha- What are you talking about babe?” Dean asked, aimed for nonchalant and missed it by a mile.

“Please don’t act me the fool, Dean. You’ve been acting strange since I got here. If... if you’re having second thoughts about tonight, I can always go home after dinner.”

“What?” Dean repeated as his eyes widened further. “No! I-”

“Or is it that you’re concerned about the... logistics... about tonight. Because if you are I... I could... bottom.” Castiel pressed each word out as if seeking the exact right one.

“Cas wait! Shit.” Dean swore as he raked a hand through his hair. “This isn’t... look, I’m not gonna lie, I’d very much like to fuck you at some point but... I’m kinda... prepared... for you to fuck me.”

Castiel paused as he tried to parse each of Dean’s words. Still he didn’t seem to be following.

Eventually, Dean sighed and planted his elbows on the table before he hid his whole face in the cradle of his hands.

“I bought a butt plug because I wanted to surprise you but I’ve never used one before and I underestimated how awkward it might be to wear so long if you aren’t used to it.” Dean said in a muffled rush.

His hands still covered his face so he didn’t catch the way Castiel’s eyes darkened to a deep charged blue or the way his lips parted as his breath caught in his lungs.

“Dean.” Castiel said in a tight measured voice. “Are you telling me you have a plug in right now?”

Dean nodded into his hands without looking up.

“You’re open and slicked up and ready for me.” Castiel paused. “Right now.”

Dean nodded again.

“Dean. Stand up.” Castiel said.

Dean’s eyes flew up at the dark note he heard in Castiel’s voice. One look and Dean scrambled to his feet.

“Show me.” Castiel said.

“What?” Dean stammered, his brain not entirely keeping up because all of his blood was currently absconding south

“Come over here next to my chair, drop your pants and underwear, and bend over the table.” Castiel spelled out. “Show. Me.”

With a quick hard swallow, Dean walked slowly around to stand next to Castiel’s chair. Unbuckled his belt and moved on to the fastening of his pants while he stared unblinking, half-disbelieving, half-ridiculously turned on, into Castiel’s eyes. God, he loved how Castiel’s pupils grew impossibly larger, further darkened the beautiful blue, as Dean slid his pants and underwear down; exposed his painfully hard cock.

Slowly, Dean turned so that he was facing the table with Castiel still sitting at his side. Deliberately, he placed his hands on the table exactly shoulder width apart and stepped backwards; presented his ass to be inspected. His body temperature soared, and his heart beat echoed in the frantic moment when Castiel remained seated. Like he was making Dean wait.

Then the scrape of Castiel’s chair as it slid back sent shivers down Dean’s spine. Sweat broke out on his forehead and fuck, Castiel hadn’t even touched him yet. But he was hard, and desperate for his touch. Wanted to feel Castiel’s hands on his bare skin more than almost anything he’d ever wanted before.

Purposefully, Castiel stood and circled around his chair to stand behind Dean, just far enough away to allow himself a good view. His knees went a little weak at just the smallest bit of black that peeked out between Dean’s cheeks.

“Place your face on the table, put a hand on each side of your ass and spread yourself for me Dean.” Somehow Castiel managed to keep the shake of desire from his voice.

A bead of precome pearled at the tip of his aching cock at Castiel’s orders, and Dean felt it drip wetly. He complied without hesitation, the table cool against his flushed face. A thrill of desire just slightly tinged with shame shot through him as he reached back and spread his cheeks, exposed himself and the shiny black plug that he’d agonized over; wondered if it was too big, if it was the right color, if he should even get one at all.

He stopped worrying about that when Castiel loosened up on his iron control just long enough to let out a low groan of appreciation. Then warm fingers skated over the flesh of Dean’s ass before they grasped onto the end of the plug and slowly twisted it. Castiel leaned down and his hot breath ghosted over Dean’s ear. Made Dean shudder involuntarily, and God, the low tone of Castiel’s voice when he spoke was sexy, dark, and heated.

“And what exactly was it that you were hoping for with this?” Castiel asked huskily as he continued to make agonizingly slow circles with the plug. It was everything Dean could do to keep still when it brushed against his prostate and electric jolts of pleasure flared bright in him.

“I-I thought that once we finished with dinner and playing together and we got to the bedroom it would mean getting to the fucking faster... Sir.” Dean tested out the word, let it roll across his teeth and lips.

He liked it. If the full body shudder Dean felt as Castiel pressed against him was any indication, Castiel liked it too.

“And did it ever occur to you, Dean, that I might not let you get as far as the bedroom? That I might bend you over and fuck you against your table. The table you share meals with friends and family at? So that every time you sat at that table all you’d be able to think about was my cock sinking into your ass and filling you up?” Castiel finished as he gave a twist that was bordering on vicious before he bit down on the tight skin over the back of Dean’s neck.

“Oh god Cas... please!” Dean moaned.

The empty feeling when Castiel eased the plug out of Dean’s ass after having it in for so long made Dean’s eyes sting with unshed tears. Castiel’s next word, whispered against Dean’s skin just below his ear, had the same effect.

“Condom?”

“Bedroom.” Dean whimpered, his frustration evident in his voice.

As Castiel began to straighten up, Dean let go of a cheek to flail out and grab at Castiel’s clothes.

“Cas please... I’m clean. I know you woulda said somethin’ by now if you weren’t. Please... just fuck me now. I don’t wanna feel so empty.” Dean’s voice broke on the last word and something strange twisted in Castiel’s gut.

“Dean.” Castiel said in as neutral a voice as he could muster. “Did I tell you that you could stop spreading yourself?”

Dean’s response was instant; he released Castiel’s clothes and returned his hand to his cheek, gripped so hard that the skin surrounding his fingertips bled white. Two of Castiel’s fingers rubbed gently around Dean’s stretched hole, tested, before he plunged them in up to the second knuckles.

And, fuck, the sounds that came out of Dean were hot and needy, made Castiel’s cock press painfully against the zipper of his dress pants. Happy with the amount of lube still slicking Dean’s channel Castiel slipped his fingers back out. Fumbled with the buttons and zipper of his pants one handed before he shoved them and his boxers down in one quick move.

He gripped the base of his freed cock and used his fingers to mix lube with the precome that was beaded at his tip, slicked it down his length. Not entirely satisfied with the results, he shifted just to the side and leaned down. Wanted to just take, but understood that this was a sensitive thing for some people and he needed to give Dean the choice.

“I’m gonna need you to get my hand nice and wet since you didn’t bring the lube. I’ll leave it up to you: Do you wanna suck on my clean hand or do you wanna suck on the fingers that were just up your ass?”

“Ass!” Dean’s cheeks flushed as soon as the word slipped out, tried to explain it away before the embarrassment that surged in his gut caught hold. “You... you’d like it if I licked myself off your hand, I know you would. I want it.

“Good boy.” Castiel whispered; Heat blossomed in Dean’s chest at the words and fuck if he knew why it felt so good to hear, but God, he fucking loved it.

Castiel reached up and held his damp fingers in front of Dean, still left the final decision to him. With a soft, breathy sigh, Dean lifted his head just enough to suck the two fingers in, greedily licked off the dark taste of himself mixed with a hint of lube. So fucking hot that his cock throbbed with it and his abs flexed while he held himself just above the table but still bent without the support of his hands.

Once Castiel’s fingers were sufficiently wet, Dean moved on to mouth the rest of Castiel’s fingers and palm, coated it in slick spit. Finally, when Castiel was satisfied he pulled his hand away and Dean let his face drop back down to the table, abs relaxed in relief.

Anticipation rocked them both while Castiel pumped his cock a few times, combined Dean’s saliva with precome and lube before he shifted to stand behind him. Slick sounds heady and shocking in the near-silence.

Castiel nudged Dean’s feet and Dean took the unspoken directive; spread his legs further apart. Then Castiel stepped between Dean's spread legs with one hand still wrapped around his cock, brushed the swollen head against Dean’s rim. Just teased him a little, loved the way Dean shivered with it, panted and arched like he couldn’t fucking wait to have Castiel inside him. Needed it.

Affectionately, Castiel ran a gentle hand along Dean’s spine before he settled it against the back of his neck, pressed him harder against the table. Lust rushed through him at the soft intake of Dean’s breath before it shuddered out on a quiet groan. He hesitated, practically shook with hard-fought restraint.

“Dean I-” Castiel said, voice rough and broken.

Dean read his thoughts.

“Fuck me, Cas. Fuck me hard. Please, Sir.” Dean begged, so goddamn pretty that there was no way Castiel could’ve resisted.

Didn’t need further coaxing, just pressed in past the loosened ring of muscles and bottomed out in one harsh stroke. He held himself there despite the way that his pulse pounded in his ears, pleasure spiked at the tight, lush, heat that gripped his cock and the undeniable urge to push himself into Dean over and over again. Because Dean deserved a second to catch his breath, adjust and Castiel would give that to him even if the desperate cry Dean shouted at the sudden fullness indicated he was perfectly happy with it.

Dean’s body clenched around the sudden intrusion and for a second Dean worried that the mix of molten hot pleasure and burning pain was gonna make him come right then and there.

“God, Cas.” Dean moaned. 

Castiel hummed in response, felt way too good to put it into words right then, needed to take a minute just as much as Dean did. Hot, tight, wet, and so, so, fucking different without a condom between them. Thin layer of latex, but it dulled sensations enough that Castiel now wondered how he’d last without it.

Briefly, he panicked at the thought that he’d come embarrassingly fast, and he’d have to admit he’d never done this. Any of this. And then Dean’s hips wiggled impatiently, and Castiel forgot he was supposed to be worried because fuck.

“C’mon. Please?” Dean ground out. “Please, Sir, fuck me.”

“Yeah,” Castiel breathed; something hot flared in his chest every time Dean said it, felt like possessiveness, desire and belonging all tangled together in a mess of frayed nerves and heat. He wanted to sear it into his brain each time Dean uttered it, wring it out of him again and again.

So he pulled his hips back and snapped them forward, set up a brutal pace from the start. Dean’s gasps and grunts just made Castiel drive in harder and Dean fucking loved it. Felt like he was on fire with it. The slick drag of Castiel’s cock inside him was so goddamn perfect and hot and how the hell could you miss something you’d only done once before?

“You wanted it so bad, didn’t you, Dean?” Castiel asked and Dean moaned his agreement. “Couldn’t wait to feel my cock inside you. Did you imagine this when you slicked yourself up? Did you imagine it was my fingers inside you? My cock? So fucking hot that you were desperate for it and just sat there across from me.”

Hard, Castiel rocked his hips, cock deep inside Dean, ground into him, before he withdrew and slammed in again, “Just squirmed on the plug and tried so hard to be good. Were you hard the whole time?”

Dean nodded against the table, labored breaths wrenched out of him in moans and whimpers he couldn’t control.

“Tell me.” Castiel demanded, and Dean’s cock twitched hard, precome leaked steadily out and he was so fucking close, just needed Castiel to touch him, just a little and he’d come, wanted it so fucking bad.

“Wanted you so fucking much. Wanted this. Ah, fuck, I-I imagined you fucking me, just like this, hard… and fast… and just, please, fuck, Cas, Sir, please touch me. I-I’m so close.” Dean sobbed, loved how Castiel made him fall apart like this.

“Almost, Dean.” Castiel assured him, pressed his chest to Dean’s back, licked and bit along Dean’s neck, sucked his earlobe into his mouth and scraped his teeth over it.

Dean bucked back against Castiel, cried out with it. Castiel let out a responding groan right next to Dean’s ear and Dean shuddered, “Please, fuck, Cas, baby, please, I need it.”

There it was, that edge of desperation Castiel was waiting to hear in Dean’s voice. His own orgasm skirted dangerously close at the totally wrecked sound of it, “Okay, okay, Dean. I’ll help you.”

Dean sobbed in relief as Castiel’s hand wrapped around his cock. So goddamn tight and hot; slick with Dean’s precome it slid up and down, friction perfect. Dean’s balls tightened and his muscles locked up,  “Cas- Sir, I, I’m gonna, Cas I can’t-”

So fucking hot, Castiel groaned, slammed in harder and stripped Dean’s cock, “Come whenever you like Dean, you’ve been such a good boy for me.”

“Yeah, fuck, yes. Cas!” Dean moaned brokenly, so gorgeous that it almost hurt.

Hyper-aware, Dean’s body was so tightly strung it only took the scrape of Castiel’s teeth over the stubble of his jaw to push him violently over the edge. Hard, achingly hard, Dean came with a strangled groan of Castiel’s name. Painted the floor in white stripes and shook the table with the force of it.

“God, you’re so fucking sexy, Dean.” Castiel said huskily, when the last burst of come splashed onto the floor and Dean sagged against the table.

Hazy with pleasure, lust-drunk, Dean felt like he’d melt right into the wooden surface of it while Castiel kept fucking him hard. He felt overwhelmed and perfect and loved it. Loved Castiel, wanted so badly to sigh it out, but held back. Couldn’t this early on, and definitely not during sex.

Instead he arched his hips a little and pushed back into Castiel’s next thrust, “Please, Cas,” he said, quiet and so hot, “Wanna feel you come inside me. Fill me up, God, please, Sir.”

It was the last word, that breathy little Sir, half-moan, half-plea and so fucking dirty the way he groaned it, how it burned in Castiel’s gut, pleased and greedy and Castiel wanted to give it to him.

Tightened his grip on Dean, one hand on his hip and pulled him hard into each thrust. Quick, deep snaps of his hips, cock buried, withdrawn nearly all the way and pushed forcefully back in until nothing existed beyond the tight, slick, heat of Dean’s body and the slap of skin on skin.

“Gonna, fuck, Dean… Gonna fill you up.” Castiel groaned, so close. “Just like you want.”

Hard thrust in, and Castiel’s hips twitched, pushed forward into Dean’s ass as his cock pulsed deep inside him. With a groan that sounded something like Dean’s name, Castiel came. Felt so fucking good, his head buzzed with the euphoria of it. His come was inside Dean. And fuck, that was so hot.

Harsh panting filled the room as Castiel lay draped over Dean for long moments while they caught their breath. His sweat damp forehead rested on the slick skin of Dean’s back, his heated breaths raised goosebumps there. 

“Fuck, Cas. That was hot as hell. We gotta do that again. A lot.” Dean groaned, sounded every bit as sated as Castiel felt.

“Yeah.” Castiel agreed easily while he slowly withdrew his cock a final time. “You felt amazing. So hot when you called me Sir.”

“Mmm.” Dean hummed, sleepy and weirdly empty now that Castiel wasn’t pressed up against him, inside him. “Thought you’d like that.”

“You thought right.” Castiel said with a grin. Dean rolled his eyes as he stood up, like there was ever a question that Castiel would like it.

“C’mon, hot stuff. Let’s go take a shower.”

Chapter Text

Warm, comfortable and perfectly content, Castiel woke slowly. Returned to consciousness by gradual degrees in a way he couldn’t recall ever having done before. First thing he noticed other than the fact that everything smelled like Dean and that he needed to pee pretty badly, was that Dean wasn’t in bed.

For once, that fact wasn’t a disappointment, because Dean wouldn’t have just left him here. Anticipation and just a bit of nervousness jumbled in Castiel’s stomach as he stretched.

While he got up and grabbed a pair of jeans off the floor he considered the events of the night before. God, Dean had been fantastic, and hot. So perfect the way he gave Castiel whatever he wanted. How he’d just gone with it when Castiel had demanded he bend over right there at the table.

Still, something nagged at the back of Castiel’s mind; Dean had always shown a preference for Castiel taking charge and Castiel liked it, a lot. But… what if he took things too far?

Sure, last night barebacking at the dining room table had seemed hot and they’d both wanted it, but had either of them really considered the risks or repercussions? Was a quick I'm clean are you, really adequate? What if Dean was trusting Castiel to consider the factors and remain level-headed for both of them? Hard thing to ask of him when Dean was spread out like that for him, ready and willing.

But, maybe part of what Dean liked about the power dynamics the two of them were playing at was letting Castiel make decisions for him. And how was Castiel supposed to do that if he didn’t fully understand Dean’s likes, limits, kinks?

He pulled on the jeans distractedly, decided that he needed to talk to Dean about all of this over breakfast. He didn’t notice that they were a little loose and hung low on his hips. Nor did he bother with a shirt. Wasn't a point when he’d just change after breakfast.

No matter how awkward and uncomfortable the idea of discussing what they’d done or would do felt to him, Castiel understood that Dean’s well-being was absolutely more important than any momentary discomfort.

As soon as Castiel opened the bedroom door, the smell of bacon and pancakes hit him. His stomach let out a little growl and Castiel grinned because Dean had gotten up early and made him breakfast.

After a quick trip to the washroom, Castiel made his way to Dean’s kitchen, leaned up against the doorway and just enjoyed the sight of Dean in plaid pajama bottoms and a tight white t-shirt. Broad back, narrow hips and an ass that would make angels weep with envy, Dean was like every wet dream Castiel had ever had come to life.

More than that though, Dean made something warm and pleasant spread through Castiel’s chest. He’d been totally honest when he’d told Dean he liked him a lot. A hell of a lot. Dean was so many things that he never would’ve expected him to be when they’d first met; sweet, funny, sometimes soft and other times gruff and everything he did just made Castiel like him more.

Drew him in like something inevitable and big. So different from anything Castiel had experienced that it was hard to quantify. Hard to categorize. Still kind of scary, but worth it.

“Done staring at me?” Dean asked, turned and smiled wide at Castiel in the warm early morning light that streamed in the glass wall living room window, lit up the open-concept kitchen; Dean looked perfect.

“Never.” Castiel answered honestly; had the pleasure of watching Dean flush at the word and scrub the back of his neck with an embarrassed hand.

“Yeah, well, don’t take too long. Breakfast’s almost done.” Dean inclined his head toward the island in the middle of the large kitchen where two places were set, side-by-side.

Castiel smiled as he walked further into the room, didn’t miss the way Dean’s eyes dropped to give him a once over. Got caught on the low rise of his jeans, lingered on the jut of his hipbones where they peeked out before a slow smirk crossed Dean’s face.

“You look good in nothing but my jeans, Cas.” Dean said with more than a trace of heat in his voice.

Castiel looked down at himself and realized Dean was right, he’d grabbed the wrong jeans. Probably should’ve felt weird about it, but with the way Dean looked at him then, he couldn’t find it in himself.

Half-hard, the only thing that stopped Castiel from dragging Dean to the bedroom and showing him how good he looked out of them too, was the decision he’d come to about needing to talk. So he just shrugged a shoulder and smiled before he sat down at the island.

“Breakfast smells great.” Castiel commented, and the change of subject made Dean grin for some reason.

“Mom’s pancakes, from scratch.” Dean said as he turned back to flip the last pancake. “Best you’ll ever taste. Hand to God, she was terrible at cooking anything except these. Never really needed to learn though, so it wasn’t her fault. We always had a chef, and mom was happier that way.”

“You enjoy it though.” Castiel said, and at Dean’s raised brow he elaborated, “You said on tour you don’t get much chance to cook. Sounded kind of wistful. Even in text.”

Dean considered for a moment, then nodded, “Yeah, I like it. It’s like, you have a set of instructions and you follow them, and you end up with something good ninety-nine percent of the time. Reliable, you know? Kind of relaxing I guess.”

“You’re very good at it.” Castiel said sincerely. “Dinner last night was excellent.”

A broad grin spread Dean’s lips as he plated the last pancake and brought the stack and another large plate of perfectly cooked bacon to the island, “Thanks.” He set them down and shifted to sink his hands into Castiel’s hair. Pressed his lips against Castiel’s in a warm kiss, just a flash of tongue over his lower lip before Dean pulled away with a sparkle in his green eyes. “Last night in general was pretty excellent even if we never got around to actually playing. Then again I don’t know if I coulda managed playing anything passable with that thing up my ass ”

Perfect opportunity, nervousness danced along Castiel’s nerves though, and he squirmed a little in his seat while Dean sat down, “Speaking, uh, speaking of last night. I was… well, I thought… It’s just that, well, we haven’t known each other that long, and- and I really enjoyed last night. And I think- I thought you were enjoying it too, but this morning I was thinking about it and I... Dean, I realized that what we’ve been, um, doing, is starting to border on, um, some kind of Dom-Sub dynamic and,” Castiel flushed, couldn’t believe the way he stumbled over his own words, but pushed forward because they needed to discuss this. “And I don’t uh, really know your, you know, likes, limits and-”

“Cas,” Dean cut him off, wide way too pleased grin on his face, “You tryin’ to ask what my safeword is?”

Relieved that Dean had stopped his rambling speech, Castiel’s tense shoulders relaxed as he replied, “Among other things.”

“Ulrich.” Dean answered with a mischievous smile, laughed when Castiel raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, for Lars. Long story short this one time I picked up some random chick at a bar. Went back to her place, and things got pretty hot, right? All of a sudden she said she needed to go get more comfortable, I thought, like, oh, nice lingerie or some shit. So I wait on the bed, all fuckin’ excited I’m about to get laid. And then she walked in buck naked with a dog on a leash. I blurted out the first thing I could think of: Lars Ulrich. Don’t fuckin’ ask me why the hell he was the first thing I thought, but that’s what came out. Tell me you coulda done better sitting there looking at a golden retriever and wonderin’ what the fuck she thought was gonna happen.”

Dean grinned when Castiel chuckled, “And then when she asked what the hell I was talking about I had to act like I hadn’t just made it up on the fly. Took me less than five minutes to get dressed and bolt.” Dean rolled his eyes fondly at the burst of enthusiastic laughter Castiel let out at that admission. “Sometimes I still wonder if it was an elaborate prank Sam set up. Only it went further than it was supposed to and Sam didn’t wanna own up.”

“So, what? Ulrich just stuck after that?” Castiel asked with barely suppressed laughter in his voice.

“Basically, and now if you hear it, you’re definitely gonna stop, because you’ll be busy laughing at my poor younger self’s mental trauma.” Dean said with a chuckle of his own.

“It’s definitely memorable.” Castiel agreed.

Dean nodded, “Okay, now eat. You have practice with Michael at noon right? And it’s already almost ten.”

“Yeah.” Castiel said with a sigh.

Castiel wished he could just cancel it, but knew he needed to go. He couldn’t just put this off because he wanted to be greedy and spend all day with Dean. They both had commitments and lives outside of one another, and they couldn’t drop everything to spend a lazy day in bed. No matter how much Castiel wanted to.

So he forced himself to eat, groaned at the delicious taste of the pancakes and watched Dean’s eyes darken in appreciation when he did. So hot, the way that Dean could broadcast exactly what he was thinking sometimes, and right then Castiel knew he was thinking about whether or not he stood a chance of convincing Castiel that quick mutual orgasms were in order.

The answer would’ve been yes, but Dean didn’t ask, just turned his attention to his own breakfast. Plowed through it in a way that Castiel was used to from him.

When he was finished, Dean leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Castiel’s cheek, announced he was gonna go get dressed before he stood. Paused a moment and then his hand ruffled Castiel’s hair as he passed, “It’s pretty fuckin’ cute when you squirm like that, babe. Like you’ve never had to talk about sex with someone you’re fucking before.”

Castiel choked on the perfectly cooked piece of bacon he’d been in the midst of swallowing while Dean walked away oblivious to the blush on Castiel’s cheeks and the truth in his teasing words.

****

On Tuesday, Castiel was just finishing up Compositions when he got a text from Michael asking to move tomorrow’s practice to after supper. At first Castiel was frustrated but then he remembered that Dean had mentioned getting to sleep in this week. Maybe they could take advantage of his unexpected free time. He couldn’t help but smile at the possibility of extra time with Dean as he pulled out his phone.

Castiel: Hey, my morning just freed up, wanna get some coffee. Or maybe come over and we can wake ourselves up another way?

Castiel felt the flush of his cheeks even though he wasn’t actually propositioning Dean in person. Why was he all manner of confident when their clothes were coming off but this made him blush? His heart skipped when the text came through. He wondered how long it was usually like this? When just getting a text from Dean would stop making him react this way.

The warmth that'd been building cooled abruptly when he read Dean’s text.

Dean: Oh man, I’d love nothing more than to come over and give you something to eat but I can’t. I’ve got a fitting that I’ve already postponed and the tailor said he’d quit if he didn’t have the two full weeks before I leave on tour to work on wardrobe.

Leave? Castiel was still processing when the next text came in.

Dean: I don’t even get why I can’t wear my own clothes. You like the way I dress, right baby?

Castiel: Yes, of course I do Dean. That’s fine. I’ll see you on Saturday then. I’m pretty beat. I’m gonna finish up some work and head to bed.

Dean: Aww you work too damn hard. Get some rest.

Castiel didn’t rest. Dean was leaving. He hadn’t told Castiel he was leaving; Had he? He was pretty sure he would've remembered the fact that Dean would be leaving. Why didn’t he mention it? Why- I don’t understand why he wouldn’t tell me.

Those thoughts circled Castiel’s mind all night. All in all he maybe got a couple of hours sleep. When the blinds over his window began to glow with the first blue-grey hint of daylight Castiel forced himself out of bed and hopefully away from his poisonous thoughts about why Dean hadn’t said anything.

For his suite-mates sake, Castiel threw on some clothes, and grabbed his cello before he headed to the practice room to blot out the thoughts he was avoiding the best way he knew how.

Two hours later, Castiel was covered in sweat, his arms shook from exertion and his mind was still in turmoil. Finally, he gave in and packed away his cello. He was getting ready to leave when he got his first text message from Dean. Evidently Dean’s morning was starting earlier than usual as it was just barely past eight.

Dean: Seriously, who thinks it’s reasonable to work at this ungodly hour?? Crazy people, that’s who.

Castiel contemplated what to reply with but came up empty. Right then he just didn’t have the words. But as far as Dean knew Castiel had the morning off. Really, Dean probably wouldn’t be surprised if Castiel didn’t get back to him right away. Instead he went back to his room to shower and hope for clarity from the hot spray. It didn’t come. Why hadn’t he told Castiel he was leaving?

There was another text waiting for him when he got out of the shower.

Dean: Hey Sleeping Beauty. Wake up and entertain me. They’ve got Sammy in first and I’m stuck waiting. It’s gonna take forever. Probably take at least an hour just to measure him from head to toe.

Castiel sighed heavily and tried for the most neutral reply he could come up with.

Castiel: Sorry, just getting up now. Gonna hop in the shower.

A small tendril of guilt curled in his gut over the lie, and Castiel hated it.

Dean: Really? Gonna get all wet and soapy for me Cas? Could always send me some pics. That’ll keep me entertained.

Castiel couldn’t help the small smirk that curled his lips. Unfortunately that only made him feel worse because he wanted nothing more than to flirt with Dean and ignore his thoughts. Maybe that’s what he’d do then.

Castiel: I don’t know Dean, I imagine it might be awkward to be measured for pants if you’re hard. Don’t you agree?

Dean: Fair point. On that note, ever had sex in a shower Cas?

“You would know if I had Dean.” Castiel muttered. That wasn’t what he typed though. The reminder of Dean being his first and only... everything... quickly doused any desire of Castiel’s to play along.

Castiel: No I haven’t.

Dean: We should definitely add it to our to do list. It can be fun if not a little... acrobatic? My place though. I’ve seen the size of your shower. Plus I’ve got a bench and multiple showerheads. Plus this handheld with great pressure. I’ll let you imagine what I could do with that.

Castiel: Sounds good. Getting in the shower now. Talk to you later.

Castiel finished dressing before he tucked his phone into his pocket and ignored it when it vibrated shortly after. Instead he grabbed his wallet and jacket and headed out. He hoped some fresh air would clear his thoughts.

At the shop a few blocks from his school, he was forcing himself to eat a muffin with his coffee when the first picture came. The groan Castiel let out when he opened it was loud enough to draw the attention of nearby tables. Luckily it was a sound that leaned more toward a why me than a popping a boner under the table groan.

Dean couldn’t be that cruel.

To be fair, intellectually, Castiel knew that Dean probably didn’t realize that he’d basically just told Castiel they’d be splitting in two weeks and so sending Castiel pictures of what he was losing might not be the kindest thing.

Still, Castiel couldn’t look away from the picture of Dean’s reflection in the mirror. He was turned away from the mirror and twisted to take a picture of the reflection. In nothing more than a pair of form fitting leather pants. It didn’t matter that they were inside out and clearly pinned. They molded themselves to his legs, accented every taut muscle. His ass was perfectly hugged by the material.

The skin over his back was honey warm and glowed in the diffused light of the dressing room. Each muscle of his back and shoulders rippled with the position and Castiel wanted nothing more than to be massaging those muscles with his hands after he mapped each one with his tongue. The tendons that stood out in Dean’s neck were just begging to be bitten.

Dean: These are supposed to make my ass look ‘pert’ according to the 70 yr old straight tailor. What do you think, is this an ass you’d like to fuck Cas?

Castiel swallowed hard before he replied.

Castiel: Of course Dean.

Unable to swallow another bite, Castiel threw away the rest of his muffin and left the cafe to walk more. His class didn’t start for another forty five minutes and Castiel had no desire to sit around his room waiting.

When it buzzed again, Castiel almost didn’t take out his phone.

This time Dean was facing forward in the mirror. He still had the leather pants on but now he wore a white button down shirt. It was pinned in a way that was almost as form fitting as the pants until it fell just a little looser from his waist down.

Open enough to show off Dean’s clavicle, Castiel suddenly, desperately, wanted to be reminded of what that little dip tasted and felt like. He knew he’d licked that exact spot, he was certain of it, but he couldn’t remember what it was like. How long would it be before he couldn’t remember the feel of Dean’s hands on his body? The stretch of muscles along his shoulders, the soft brush of his lips, the feel of his body clenched around him?

Dean: What do you think, too tight? Not tight enough?

Castiel: It’s perfect.

Castiel ducked into a side alley to dash away tears that’d formed in privacy. He took a moment to compose himself before he walked back out into the flow of foot traffic and let himself be swept along.

About halfway between the cafe and the school, the next picture came in. Same pants, same style of shirt, but this one was deep red, the color of blood pooling beneath his skin after Castiel had bitten and sucked to draw it almost to the surface. Something about the color gave Dean an almost dangerous glint to his eyes. From the smirk on Dean’s face, he was more than aware of the effect the color had.

Dean: Same shirt in four different colors. Wanna see?

Castiel: I’m sure they all look great on you Dean. Everything does.

Dean: Hah, I’m boring you. I know, I’m much more exciting with my clothes off.

Dean: Matter of fact, I could send the tailor on his coffee break. Sam ducked out for a few. Want me to strip down for you baby? Send you some pictures of that?

Dean: Or maybe you’d rather Skype while I jack off for you? Nothing to clean up with nearby though. I’d have to lick my hand clean.

Castiel shifted as he walked and adjusted the semi-erection he was sporting thanks to Dean’s texts. Mercifully, it wasn’t visible under the layers of his winter clothes. It was a testament to the turmoil in Castiel’s mind that he wasn’t fully hard and aching.

Castiel: I’m getting ready to head into class. Maybe later?

It wasn’t a total lie. Castiel had just arrived at the entrance of the school. He didn’t need his instrument for his next class and he could just record the lecture on his phone so he didn’t need anything to take notes with. There was still a good twenty minutes until class but he wasn’t really keen on the idea of going back to his room. The thought of being in a space that would be lacking Dean in just a couple of weeks made it already feel terribly lonely.

Just as Castiel pushed through the front door into the front lobby of the school his phone started ringing. When the name on the screen read Dean, Castiel briefly considered not answering. Maybe Dean would believe that he had literally been walking through his classroom door. No, as much as it sucked, Castiel couldn’t be a child about this.

“Hello Dean.”

“Hey Cas, what’s up? You’ve been kinda quiet today. Michael riding your ass or something? Tell him that’s my job.” Dean said with a laugh.

“No, I haven’t seen Michael yet today, nor does he have any interest in riding my ass.” Castiel said quietly as he walked through the lobby.

“It... I was joking Cas. What’s up man? Am I losing my touch? I usually get more of a response when I offer to perform sex acts on film.” Dean chuckled.

Castiel sorted through a dozen excuses, tried to make something coherent form from the jumble of his thoughts. Something that would convince Dean and allow him to get out of this conversation. When nothing came up and he could practically feel Dean waiting on the other end, Castiel opted to duck into the nearest door. It happened to be a utility closet so it offered some modicum of privacy but might be awkward explaining if he was caught coming out of it.

“Dean... I... you…” Castiel stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers as he squeezed his eyes shut and his chest throbbed slow agony.

“Cas, what is it baby?” Dean asked, more softly than before.

Something broke inside Castiel and it was all he could do to keep from sobbing. Everything hurt, and he didn’t know how to do this.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving, Dean?” Castiel asked weakly.

“What... Cas, what are you talking about?” Dean’s voice rose over the phone. “I... we’ve talked about it before... didn’t we? I mean... didn’t I?”

“I don’t know, Dean.” Castiel answered honestly.

“Shit. I’m sorry Cas.” Dean said with a note of frustration “I should’ve been clearer. I’m sure we’ve talked about it. But... you knew I’d go back out on tour eventually.”

“I think I’d remember if the expiration date of our relationship was so close at hand and I was aware of it Dean.” Castiel snapped and instantly regretted it.

Dean was quiet for so long that Castiel wondered briefly if he’d hung up. Then Dean cleared his throat and Castiel tensed in anticipation.

“Cas, are you... so you’re saying that when I leave to go on tour you’re done with me?” Dean asked while he fought to keep his voice even and unaffected.

That wasn’t at all what Castiel thought he’d say.

“No I... Dean I’d never expect you to go on tour with any expectations of being in a committed relationship-” Castiel practically choked when the words left his mouth without thought. “Not that that’s what we are or anything.”

“No, of course not. I don’t want you to sit by the phone waiting to hear from me like some stupid Drake song, Cas. You can go out and do your thing, see who you want.” Dean said, his voice still neutral and level.

“I’m not interested in seeing other people, Dean. I was referring to you. I know that you enjoy an active social life and don’t expect you to live as a recluse.” Castiel said, a little harsher than he intended.

“Well I’m not interested in seeing other people either. ” Dean mimicked in a slightly raised voice.

“Well fine then!” Castiel shouted, unsure why.

“Okay. So that’s it then. We don’t see other people. We’re... we’re a couple.” Dean said while his voice dropped down to a normal volume, if not a little unsure about what’d just happened.

There was a pause in their conversation then as they both collected their thoughts, and Castiel’s heart rate calmed a little, though the ache in his chest remained.

“So... how long are you going to be gone?” Castiel asked as he absently traced the woodgrain of the door he’d been staring at.

“It goes hot and heavy for three months on the west side of the country, then I’ve got a three week break before we come back to do the east for another three months.”

“Wow, three months, huh. That’s… that’s a long time.” Castiel said, his hand stilled. “Maybe I could… I’ve got some time off for my winter break after finals. Maybe I could come out and visit you on tour for a couple of weeks?”

“Oh man, Cas. As much as I would love to have you along, hanging out backstage waiting for me to come back and work off some post show adrenaline, I really don’t think it’s a great idea. The press is ten times as bad when I’m out on tour. We’ve been careful and a little lucky here but that kind of sneaking around is almost impossible. Too many people working the show that have loose lips and all that.”

Castiel couldn’t help the little seed of doubt that coalesced in his gut. Dean was selling this whole thing pretty hard. But... Dean wouldn’t tell Castiel one minute that he wanted to be exclusive only to ensure that he’d still be free to act single while on tour. He wouldn’t.

“I know you don’t want to be spotted with me. I’m just... I’ll miss you.” Castiel said quietly.

“Cas.” Dean started, exasperation apparent in his voice. “You know that’s not true, it’s just what’s best for both of us.”

“I know.” Castiel said, not sounding all that convinced. “I’m sorry Dean.” He paused for a moment and let the silence stretch, before he spoke again. “What about the holidays? Will you be back for Christmas? New Years?”

“Ahh I hate to keep being such a downer but I can’t. We’ve got a Christmas Eve concert in LA and New Year’s Eve we’re the hosts of some MTV shindig... I’m really sorry Cas.”

“No, Dean it’s fine. We’ve never really done the whole holiday thing so I’m not invested in it at all. Besides, New York is such a tourist trap around the holidays. It’s not like I wanted to do some stupid thing like kiss at the top of the empire state building at midnight. Who’d want any of that cheesy stuff anyway.” Castiel said with a small laugh that didn’t really cover up the slight longing in his voice.

For some reason, Castiel couldn’t seem to get the question of why Dean didn’t want him to visit on tour out of his head. Sure he said he didn’t want to see other people but if he wasn’t worried about Castiel being some kind of cock block for all the people he could be screwing then why wouldn’t he want Castiel to come along? It was really starting to feel like the whole paparazzi thing was more of an excuse than anything else.

“Hey Dean, I really do need to get to class. I’m already gonna be late. I’ll... I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay Cas.” Dean said across town before he realized he was speaking to air. Castiel had already hung up.

Dean stared down at the phone for a few heartbeats.

“Shit.”

There were still a few days left until their next Saturday and it was time for some damage control.

***

By Thursday Dean had a game plan, and even he had to admit it was pretty fuckin’ spectacular. More than he’d ever planned for anyone else, that was for damn sure. He couldn’t wait to surprise Castiel.

Dean: Hey, Cas, listen, I was thinking this Saturday we could get together early. If that’s okay with you? I know you’re probably still kinda pissed. Wouldn’t blame you. But I really wanna spend some time with you before things get even more hectic.

Dean: I already miss you, and I haven’t even left yet, so…

Okay, so that last one was laying it on kinda thick, but if there was one thing Dean knew about Castiel, it was that getting him to blow off practice Saturday afternoon was pretty much impossible. He’d tried before without any success, so he just hoped Castiel would give in this once because he hadn’t been able to get a later start time no matter how many favors he’d tried to call in. This was the best he’d been able to do.

Dean bit his lower lip while he waited for a response. Probably shouldn’t expect one so quick, but he couldn’t put down his phone and go about his day without hearing back from Castiel either.

Honestly, he shouldn’t have worried, because a second later a message popped up.

Castiel: Of course, Dean. I miss you too. I’ll reschedule with Michael. He did the same to me earlier this week, so he can’t be too upset.

Dean grinned, both because Castiel had agreed and because Castiel had chosen him over Michael. Which was patently stupid, because they weren’t really in competition as far as Castiel was concerned. Didn’t stop the vicious stab of victory in Dean’s gut or the satisfaction he took in the fact that Castiel was probably going to tell Michael he had to cancel to go out with him.

Dean: Awesome. I’ll pick you up at the parking garage at 1:40. That ought to give us enough time to get there. Dress warm, okay?

Castiel: Uh, okay?

Dean: Just trust me.

Castiel: Alright.

Well that was less than reassuring, but Dean supposed he deserved that. Was still frustrated with himself for the way leaving had totally slipped his mind. It’d been such a natural part of Dean’s life for so long now, that it’d barely even rated as something to mention. He’d really assumed Castiel knew, or that he’d at least talked about the impending tour in passing.

Hopefully Saturday would go a long way toward repairing Castiel’s trust in him, because it made something hot and uncomfortable tangle in Dean’s gut that Castiel had thought even briefly that Dean would break up with him when he left.

Like Castiel thought Dean was incapable of being with just one person when the problem had never been that Dean couldn’t be faithful but that he’d never wanted to tie himself to someone that way. Never met someone who made him want to be with just them the way Castiel did.

Vulnerability was a liability in Dean’s experience and he’d just stopped considering an emotional connection to someone else as an option. Something about Castiel changed that. Changed everything, and it was fuckin’ awesome and scary and Dean needed to make sure he didn’t fuck things up. Easier said than done, but at least I’m tryin’ to fix it.

Just as Dean was about to pocket his phone another text from Castiel came in.

Castiel: Do you have plans for Sunday?

Dean: Ugh, yeah, I have to go to this stupid tree lighting we do every year at one of the exec’s places. It’s pretty lame but I’d get in deep shit if I cancelled with this little time. Why, need me for something?

Castiel: No, just a school thing. By the way, wanted to let you know I can’t stay over Saturday night in case you were hoping that, because I’ve gotta be at the school early.

Well that kinda sucked, but whatever, he supposed it was the trade-off for Castiel taking Saturday afternoon off. Probably rescheduled for Sunday or something. Irrational annoyance at Michael for putting a crimp in his plans flashed through Dean, but whatever, his surprises for Castiel would still work with a curfew.

Sorta. If Castiel didn’t mind staying out late, and Dean figured once he found out what they’d be doing, he wouldn’t mind at all.

Chapter Text

Bundled up against the cold, Castiel stood reclined against a concrete beam while he waited inside the garage on Saturday. He’d dressed in layers. Lots of layers. Thermal underwear, dark-wash lined jeans, a long sleeved shirt, plaid flannel over it and finally his grey wool-blend jacket. Added to his ensemble were a pair of faux fur lined back leather gloves, and a black and turquoise fair isle patterned knitted hat.

Curiosity about what they’d be doing spiked again, but Castiel still had absolutely no clue. He’d tried to get it out of Dean so he’d know what to expect and how to dress, but Dean had insisted it was a surprise and that Castiel just needed to dress warm.

Said he had some stuff for him to change into later so that Castiel didn’t need to worry about a change of clothes and then had summarily refused to explain that too. Castiel’s stomach was still twisted in knots over the idea of Dean leaving. Of Dean not wanting him to visit.

But, he couldn’t stay mad at him, not when they had so little time left before three months apart. Castiel bit his lip against the sting behind his eyes. Three months wasn’t that long. Would be a drop in the bucket for a more established relationship, probably. Besides, Castiel would be busy with school. Before Dean, his time had always been completely full. So why did it suddenly feel like he wouldn’t know what to do with the Dean shaped space he’d made time for?

He didn’t want to feel like it was the beginning of the end for them, but it really felt that way despite what Dean said. It hurt that they’d decided to be a couple in the middle of an argument and that they barely had time to get over that before Dean would be leaving.

The little consolation he had was that he could officially call Dean his boyfriend now, although he hadn’t aside from in his thoughts because it didn’t feel real yet. His melancholy improved marginally when a limo pulled to a stop in front of him and the back door opened to reveal Dean dressed in a grey hoodie beneath a rich black leather biker’s jacket and thick black leather gloves. Jeans, well fitted, but not too snug, a black scarf wrapped around his neck and dark aviator sunglasses perched in his hair.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean greeted warmly, then sat back to let Castiel in. Relieved when Castiel smiled back at him, even if it didn’t quite reach his eyes. It would, Dean assured himself. Once Dean made it up to him. “Hope you didn’t wait long.”

“No, I was a little early. But you’re right on time.” Castiel said with what he hoped was passable enthusiasm while he climbed in to sit beside Dean.

Dean chewed on his lower lip for a moment after Castiel had closed the door and the limo driver slowly made his way out of the parking garage, “Look, I just- Cas, I’m sorry.” Dean apologized. His hand dropped to Castiel’s knee, squeezed a bit before he looked up at Castiel, green eyes full of contrition and Castiel held his gaze. “I really shoulda said something and I get that it was shitty to find out like that. I don’t really have an excuse, just that it didn’t occur to me you wouldn’t know. No way I woulda brought it up like that if I’d thought for a second it’d surprise you.”

Castiel bit his lip again, the honesty and regret in Dean’s voice sounded sincere, “I know.”

“But you’re still worried.” Dean finished with a sigh.

“Aren’t you?” Castiel asked quietly. “What if once we’re apart you change your mind? What if it’s too hard for one of us? Or something could happen to you when you’re on tour and the only way I’d find out about it is through the news. I wouldn’t even be able to come see you if you got hurt or something.”

“You’ve been thinking about this a lot, huh?” Dean asked gently. Shifted closer and cupped Castiel’s face in his hands, warm buttery leather soft against Castiel’s skin. “I’m not worried, Cas. I know I want you. I know I won’t change my mind. And the rest could happen even if I was still here. You could decide tomorrow that you need to focus on your school and I’m a distraction.” Dean shook his head softly when Castiel looked like he’d object. “And if something happened to me, Sam and Jess both have your number. They know to call you. I’ve been thinking about this too, Cas. I’m sure about you.”

Dean’s eyes were so soft, so certain, that Castiel felt the tension that’d gathered in him all week release. Allowed himself relax into Dean’s hands, and tilted his face up a little, breathed the only thing he could think right then, “Okay.”

There was a quick flash of a tiny smile on Dean’s lips before they pressed warmly to his and Castiel eased into it like a hot bath. Safe, content, and warmed by the reassuring pressure of Dean’s mouth, Castiel let Dean soothe him with his lips and tongue and hands that carded through his hair like they couldn’t stop touching. Breath like a sigh against his lips as Dean pulled away.

“We keep this up and we’ll be late.” Dean said with a trace of regret and a final glance down at Castiel’s shiny lips before he slid his arm around Castiel and pulled him into his side. “I’ll have to tell the driver to make a couple laps and we’ll miss our reservation.”

“Am I allowed to know where we’re going yet?” Castiel asked, pretended like he didn’t kind of wish they’d actually do that instead.

“Nope. I’ll tell you this much though, I planned a few things for us today. Figured, I’m gonna be gone a while and I wanted to make it up to you a bit. We don’t have a lot of time to work with and you’ve got finals and stuff coming up, so I wanted to cram as much sappy touristy stuff as I could into this date. Hence the fancy limo ride.”

Dean glanced down at Castiel to gauge his reaction; stunned probably summed it up best. Tinged with a bit of embarrassed excitement like Castiel really liked the idea and was kinda shocked that he did, “Thought I oughta make some happy memories with my new boyfriend. Is it weird if I call you that? Should I say partner instead? I’ve never really done the whole relationship thing before.”

Castiel bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from grinning too widely, way too cute the way Dean was so awkward about this. Teasingly replied, “Hmm. I’ve kind of always had a preference for lover.”

Dean laughed, “Oh, yeah, definitely. How about light of my life?”

Castiel laughed too, “God, no. Too cliché. This is the part where I ask you again if someone else writes your lyrics.”

“Haha.” Dean rolled his eyes but a smile softened it. “So, we’re gonna stick with boyfriend, then?” 

“Yeah, I think so.” Castiel agreed.

Not much longer after that the limo slowed to a stop at the Central Park South entrance. Castiel quirked his head in question but Dean just grinned at him while he reached over to open the door.

“C’mon babe, there’s somewhere I wanna take you before our reservation.” Dean said, eyes bright with excitement, before he put his sunglasses on and tugged up his hoodie so he wouldn’t be recognized.

Who could resist Dean Winchester when he was excited about something? Certainly not Castiel, anyway, so he slid out of the car and waited for Dean to lead the way.

With a quick smile to himself, Dean climbed out after Castiel. The sky was mostly clear, and the forecast claimed it would stay that way until late that night when there was a chance of flurries, which was perfect as far as Dean’s plan went. A bit of snow would probably add in a little extra oomph.

“C’mon.” Dean said as he held his hand out for Castiel’s. Then smiled happily when Castiel laced their fingers together, “I’m pretty sure you’re gonna love the first part. Second part might be outta your comfort zone, but it’s gonna be fun.”

Dean tugged Castiel to walk into the park. It was cold out, but not below freezing, so there was that. Still cold enough that their breath fogged up in puffs as they walked.

Castiel wondered what on earth they were about to do, had ample time to try and figure it out based on his knowledge of the park, and about six minutes into their walk, it became fairly obvious where they were headed.

Next to him Dean practically vibrated with anticipation, and Castiel very narrowly resisted the eye roll he desperately wanted to give when he caught sight of the beige and red striped building that housed the Central Park Carousel. Dean had said touristy after all, and this certainly qualified.

“You do know we’re not kids right?” Castiel asked with a raised brow.

Dean’s lips pursed in a pout, “Aww, c’mon! It’s all romantic and shit.” Dean grinned, paid for their tickets, and tugged him along to line up. Winter meant not as many people, so the line was short and sparse. “Besides, memories, remember? This’ll be the time I made you relive my childhood with me.”

Didn’t take long for their turn to come and Dean dragged a begrudging Castiel over to a white antique horse on the inside ring of them.

“Dean, can’t we just sit on one of the benches?” Castiel asked, cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he looked between Dean and the horse.

“Uh-unh. Nope. You’re getting on this horse, Cas.” Dean insisted before he manhandled Castiel up into the saddle.

No choice for Castiel but to go with it or risk falling on his face. Castiel did roll his eyes then. At least until Dean grinned up at him all exuberantly, and that was just much too adorable, so Castiel gave in. Besides, he’d kind of always wanted to do this when he was little but had never been allowed.

When Dean stepped closer to him, placed his hands on either side of Castiel’s waist, an innocent look on his face that Castiel didn’t buy for a second, Castiel’s eyebrows raised, “Aren’t you going to get on that one?”

“Nah.” Dean said, pinched his lips together for a second to hold back his grin. “Someone’s gotta make sure you don’t fall. Pretty sure it’s your first time on a horse. They can be dangerous if you don’t know what you’re doing, ya know.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes and Dean laughed warmly. He tightened his grip just as the carousel started up. Castiel’s lips parted in surprise when the horse he was on jolted a little then made a slow, small descent before it rose up.

He felt ridiculous, but one look at the happiness written all over Dean’s face and Castiel forgot it. Dean’s arm was wrapped around his back, his full pink lips tugged up in a contagious smile. Couldn’t see his eyes behind his sunglasses, Castiel knew they’d be sparkling and crinkling at the corners, anyway.

Drawn out moments passed where they just enjoyed the comfortable quiet between them, and Castiel’s heart rate picked up the longer their eyes remained locked together. The intimacy of it at odds with the public venue until Castiel had to look away before he got too entangled in it.

Warm all over, his nerves still felt like they were rubbed raw from the worrying he’d done. Way too sensitive to objectively consider anything beyond how much he wanted Dean. 

“So,” Dean said, “how’s your first carousel ride going?”

“Well,” Castiel teased. “I’ll definitely remember it.”

“‘Cause of how awesome it is?” Dean asked with a cheesy smile. “It’s ‘cause it’s so awesome, right?”

“More like how sweet it is that you planned this.” Castiel answered honestly, and Dean’s cheeks heated to a pretty pink.

The ride slowed to a stop just as Castiel said, “Thank you.”

Near bursting with affection, Dean had to push up on his toes and pull Castiel down into a kiss. Tongue hot against Castiel’s cold lips before it slipped past them and into the heat of his mouth. Filled it up with the swell of emotion that he felt for Castiel right then. A quick flick and swirl of their tongues together before Dean pulled back with a parting nip to Castiel’s lower lip.

When Castiel’s eyes blinked open, hazy and soft blue, Dean smiled at him and helped him down, laced their gloved fingers together again, “Let’s get going. Lots more to do, babe.”

Dazzedly, Castiel got down and walked along with Dean. He was briefly concerned when he remembered that Dean had said this was the part he was sure Castiel would love and that the next part might be out of his comfort zone.

And then Dean’s hand squeezed his like he knew Castiel needed the reassurance and the little spike of anxiety dissipated. Whatever it was, he’d be doing it with Dean and he knew he’d have fun.

The trip from the carousel to Wollman Rink didn’t take long, and Castiel’s fleeting surprise faded into pleasant anticipation when Dean led him into the heated rinkside VIP tent, and over to their reserved table seating.

“So, I’m pretty sure I already know the answer, but you ever skated before, Cas?” Dean asked once he’d pressed a hot chocolate into Castiel’s hands and sat down with his own, hood still up and sunglasses on.

The skeptical look Castiel gave him as he sipped his hot chocolate was answer enough and Dean grinned widely.

“Guess I’m gonna be your teacher.” Dean said and Castiel’s lips twitched in a small smirk. “Kinda like the sound of that.”

“Just don’t be too disappointed if I’m awful at it.” Castiel replied only a little nervously. “Anything that requires more effort than jogging seems to generally escape me.”

“Aw, s’okay. I’ll keep you on your feet until you get used to it.”

Shortly after that a woman came by to help them with their rental skates and then they headed out onto the ice.

True to his word, Dean kept Castiel from falling while he patiently taught him the basics. And in spite of Castiel’s misgivings he actually caught on pretty quickly. At least as far as balancing and skating forward went.

They’d been on the ice twice for just under an hour each time with a nice long break in the heated tent to warm up in between, when Dean felt comfortable enough to downgrade Castiel’s support to holding just one of Castiel’s hands instead of gripping both of his arms and skating backwards.

The sun had set about an hour ago and bright lights lit up the rink. Night-time city skyline made a beautiful backdrop, but it didn’t get a fraction of the attention it probably deserved because all of Dean’s attention was on Castiel.

“See, not so hard.” Dean said with a quick smile at him.

“Not as hard as I anticipated, but not easy by any stretch.” Castiel disagreed.

“Yeah, but it’s fun right? You’re having fun?” Dean asked, a hint of anxiety in his voice.

Castiel smiled up at him before his legs wobbled a little and he forced his attention back to skating while he truthfully answered, “Yes, I’m having fun. You’re a great teacher.”

“You’re a natural.” Dean said. “Took Sammy a hell of a lot longer to let go of my arms and he was way younger.”

Castiel’s eyebrow quirked and he looked at Dean, mock offended. Took Dean a second to figure out what he’d said wrong.

Then he laughed, “Not that you’re old. Hey, it was a compliment.”

“Mhmm.”

“Look, I bet you could even skate all on your own if I let go.” Dean said. Watched a bit of fear flash across Castiel’s face, but everyone felt like that when they skated on their own for the first time. “Only when you’re ready though.”

A few more laps around the rink and Castiel was reasonably sure he could skate on his own. Sort of felt like he had something to prove. Like impressing Dean was extremely important. Really, that shouldn’t have been the deciding factor on his readiness, but it was.

“Okay,” Castiel said.

“Yeah?” Dean asked.

“I think I can do it myself.”

Well, that hadn’t come out sounding nearly as certain as Castiel had meant it to.

“Cas, if you’re not sure we can keep up just like this. Not like I don’t like to hold your hand, anyway. Or take a break first.” Dean suggested with a smile.

Castiel nodded, “I know. I want to.”

A burst of nervousness erupted in Castiel’s gut when Dean loosened his grip a little, “Okay, on three?” Castiel nodded again, determined. “One. Two. Three.”

Dean let go, and-

Castiel kept right on skating. Lost a little momentum, but he was still steady and moving forward. A proud whoop of joy echoed beside him and Castiel looked over to see Dean skating backwards again. Wide smile on his lips as he watched Castiel.

“You’re doing awesome, Cas!” Dean encouraged.

And he was doing pretty good if not a little shaky now and then. Right up until they got to the bend where the ice curved and he panicked.

Dean’s arm reached out for him just a second too late, and Castiel slipped, somehow ended up on his ass with his back against the wall, wide-eyed with shock. More embarrassed than hurt.

Instinctively Dean pushed his sunglasses up on top of his head so he could see better as he hockey stopped in front of Castiel, knocked his hood off in his rush. Didn’t notice though, because he was too busy dropping down to one knee beside Castiel, scared half to death that he might’ve let him get seriously hurt.

“Hey, you okay, baby?” Dean asked, hands already in Castiel’s hair so he could check the back of his head for injury. He hadn’t seen him hit it, but you never knew, right, and sometimes you couldn’t feel a head injury until it was too late and Dean was just being thorough, okay? “Anything hurt?”

Castiel’s cheeks burned but he still managed a smirk, “Does my pride count?”

Relief washed through Dean, made his concern dissolve into amusement, “You bet. Want a hand up?”

“Please.” Castiel said with as much dignity as he could manage.

Dean grinned at him as he stood and then pulled Castiel up too. Castiel’s cheeks were still bright red when he got to his feet, and Dean ran a gloved thumb over one. Crowded him back against the wall, green eyes glittering mischievously.

“Hmm. You sure you’re okay?” Dean asked, voice low and Castiel shivered.

“I’m sure.” Castiel answered, head tilted back just a little so he could look up at Dean.

“‘Cause if you were hurt I could kiss it better.” Dean offered with a smile that clearly said he knew exactly how cheesy that line was and didn’t care.

Castiel’s lips tugged down, “Oh, well, in that case. No, I’m not okay. At all.”

Dean leaned down until his lips were a breath away from Castiel’s, “Mmm, that’s what I thought.”

Dean’s cold lips brushed against his, his tongue a hot, slick counterpoint that left Castiel breathless when it slid in, slipped around his own teasingly, then retreated in a flash right as the click of a cellphone camera went off. Alarmed, Castiel pulled back, eyes wide as his head turned toward the sound.

Dean’s phone? Dean’s phone in Dean’s hand?

“Been wantin’ a picture of us. Seemed like a good time.” Dean said with a soft smile that Castiel really wanted to kiss again.

“Will you text it to me?” Castiel asked, if Dean got to have a picture of them together, he wanted one too.

“Already done.” Dean replied with a wink.

And that just wasn’t fair, the way his eyes were so green in the bright stadium lights, and oh, something about that… wait, how was he seeing Dean’s eyes? “Dean. Your sunglasses.”

“Oh, shit.” Dean tugged his glasses back down and yanked his hood back up.

They both looked around, sure they must’ve been spotted, but Dean didn’t see anyone paying them the slightest attention, thankfully.

He sighed his relief, “Guess we got lucky, looks like no one noticed. It’s about time for us to head out anyway.”

“Oh, good.” Castiel said and held up his hands in defense at Dean’s hurt look. “I’m having fun Dean, I promise. Just... pretty sure I used some muscles I didn’t even know I had. And they’re tired.”

“Okay.” Dean said. “You’d tell me though right? If I ever tried to get you to do something you really don’t like? You wouldn’t just go along with it because you think it’s what I want, right?”

A smile lit up Castiel’s face, he loved how concerned Dean was about his comfort, “I’d tell you.”

“Good.”

Chapter Text

After they’d returned their skates and retrieved their boots, they’d walked out of the park and found the limo where it waited for them. Dean opened the door for Castiel and helped him in before he climbed in too, and then they were on their way.

It was already six thirty but the next stop wasn’t far, Dean had said, and there’d be food. Thankfully, because Castiel was starving and no amount of cookies and hot chocolate was enough for that kind of exercise.

A small frown pulled Castiel’s lips down when they rolled to a stop in front of a particularly trendy, extremely expensive restaurant. He knew from listening to his mother’s complaints when she’d tried to get reservations that they were booked solid for the next two years. And no, they didn’t make exceptions.

“Dean, we’re not dressed for this.” Castiel protested with a quick glance down at his own jeans like he was proving the point.

“Told you, I got us covered, babe.” Dean said with a grin. “We’re going in the back. There’s a locker room for staff and they’ve got suits and shoes waiting for us. And my car’s in the lot so I can drive us to the next thing.”

“How did you-”

“Balthazar gave me your sizes. Who knew having his number would come in handy so often?” Dean said, begrudging fondness in his voice.

“I’ve been asking myself that for years.” Castiel agreed, mock-serious.

“So, ready to go get all fancy so we can eat?” Dean asked. “You don’t even wanna know how many favors I called in for this reservation. But Sam said- uh, anyway, it’s supposed to be great.”

Curiosity about what exactly Sam had said flashed through Castiel’s mind before he let it go; If Dean wanted to tell him, he wouldn’t have cut himself off, “Extremely ready.”

They got out of the car and Dean led Castiel around back. Knocked on the back door and it popped open a moment later.

“Mr. Winchester?” Dean nodded and the guy motioned them in. “This way, please.”

The kitchen smelled amazing, and Castiel’s mouth watered, but they still needed to go get dressed, so he followed them into a locker room. Mid-sized with metal lockers that lined the walls and two rows of flat wood benches down the center, a bathroom off to one side.

“Apparently, there’s a shower in there.” Dean said temptingly once they’d been left alone. “And we’ve got just enough time for a quick one each.”

“Or…” Castiel suggested casually, “We could shower together like you suggested.”

Dean bit his lip, and he’d have been lying if he’d said his dick didn’t give a very interested twitch at the thought, but hot as the idea was, he had better plans for later, and building the anticipation was part of it, “Much as I fuckin’ love that idea, baby, I’m pretty sure we’d get kicked out. And I saw the way you sniffed the kitchen like it was the best thing you ever smelled.”

“You’re right. It does smell good.” Castiel agreed. He considered making a real case that a chance at shower sex that included mutually satisfying orgasms was fully worth the sacrifice, but his stomach picked that moment to loudly protest his thoughts. “Would you like to go first?”

“Nah, you go ahead. I’ll get our suits out.” Dean said easily.

So, Castiel headed into the bathroom and took a quick shower. Made sure to clean himself thoroughly after sweating so much at the rink, and then dried off with the towel Dean had hung over the shower stall door.

Probably the hardest thing Castiel had ever resisted; naked and wet in the shower, half-hard from his thoughts about Dean when bare feet had padded across the floor and Dean’s hand had appeared over the edge of the door to place the towel, Forgot to give you this.

At least, it was the hardest thing he’d ever resisted until he walked out with the towel around his waist and found Dean in a similar state. And for fuck’s sake, he could see the outline of Dean’s cock- also half hard, he noted.

Castiel’s brain kicked back into gear about mid-way through Dean’s sentence, “... hanging up right here. I’ll take mine in the shower room, ‘cause fuck, definitely won’t be making it out of this room without fucking on every goddamn surface if I walk outta there without pants on.”

“Damn right, you won’t.” Castiel agreed while he absently eyed the cut of Dean’s hipbones where they dipped beneath his towel.

“Yeah, uh, shower. I’m gonna go, uh, do that.” Dean said, cheeks pink, eyes dark before he turned and walked into the washroom.

Gave Castiel an amazing view; all sloping muscles, tight ass and long bowlegs before he disappeared from view. After that it took Castiel a minute to figure out that Dean had meant the shiny black suit with a white shirt, grey and black checkered tie and black vest with a low v were meant for him.

Classy and fashionable at the same time, it instantly appealed to Castiel and he wondered if Dean had picked it out himself. He’d been so distracted by Dean’s, frankly gorgeous, backside that he hadn’t noticed the suit he must’ve carried for himself.

It wasn’t long until Castiel was tightening the tie around his neck, fully dressed, right down to the snug satiny black trunks that’d been hung up with the pants. The legs were shorter than he was used to with his boxer-briefs, but he had to admit he looked pretty good in them.

He sat down on the bench to wait for Dean and double checked he’d switched his phone, wallet, and keys from his jeans to the suit pants he wore. Quickly, he snapped a selfie in the suit and texted it to Balthazar to kill time.

Balthazar: Looking good, Cassie. Hope you’re having a fantastic time. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

Balthazar: Hint: I’d do everything, so your options are truly limitless. Try not to pull anything though, showcase tomorrow and all.

Castiel: I’ll endeavor to remain unscathed.

Balthazar: Not too unscathed, I hope.

Castiel’s snort of laughter cut off when the sound of footsteps forced his attention back to the present. He looked up and felt his lips part, because wow, hot didn’t even come close to describing how Dean looked.

Dressed in a perfectly tailored suit the color of well aged red wine, with a matching tie and a warm, rich, mocha dress shirt that hugged his shoulders, showed off his toned arms and legs, Dean looked… there just, there weren’t words for how Dean looked.

His hair was perfectly tousled and the suit brought out the green in Dean’s eyes. Made the dusting of freckles over his cheeks and nose stand out, and he just looked so damn fuckable that Castiel had to consciously think about breathing because it sure seemed like his body had forgotten how to.

“Dean,” Castiel said while he stood up, “You look amazing.”

Dean flashed him a cocky grin as he closed the distance between them, “Yeah? You look pretty fuckin’ hot too, Cas.”

Castiel stepped closer and traced the edge of Dean’s lapel, bit his bottom lip as he followed his finger with his eyes while it moved in and down, further, further, further…

Startled, Castiel nearly dropped his phone when Dean’s hand whipped out and wrapped around his wrist, vice like. He definitely stopped breathing when he looked up and saw the heat in Dean’s eyes.

“Sweetheart, you keep that up and we’re gonna leave here hungry and with one very thoroughly destroyed expensive suit.” Dean said low and dangerously. “I might like to let you take control but I will rip it from your body and pin you down to that table over there.”

Castiel swallowed hard. Definitely a side of Dean he hadn’t seen before. That would merit exploring… later. For now, Castiel was content to have food and not get banned for life from a business. As of yet that wasn’t something he’d accomplished and he didn’t want to change that.

“Could… could we take a picture?” Castiel stammered, partly to break the spell and partly because Dean looked really good and he wanted a picture with his ridiculously hot boyfriend. Boyfriend.

“Want a selfie, Cas?” Dean asked with a grin. “Anything for my number one fan.”

Dean took the phone from Castiel’s hand and lifted it up. He wrapped an arm around Castiel’s back and pulled him in tightly. The artificial shutter sounded on the phone and Castiel moved to pull away but Dean held on tighter, the phone still lifted in the air. Eyes still on the phone Castiel was so surprised when Dean latched onto the lobe of his ear with his teeth that he couldn’t repress a soft moan. Once more the shutter sounded and Castiel found himself released while Dean examined the picture.

“Damn, Cas. We look pretty hot together.” Dean said looking up with a mischievous glint. “What are your thoughts on sex tapes?”

“You’re… you’re messing with me, right?” Castiel asked wide-eyed.

Laughter was the only answer Castiel got as he followed Dean through the kitchen and into the dining room.

It was every bit as beautiful as Castiel had anticipated. Soft overhead lighting was barely even noticeable, with most of the light coming from the glowing candles at each table. The tables themselves were spread out and small, intimate. Some were out in the open while others were tucked behind sculptures or tasteful plants.

Dean met the maitre’d that had evidently been waiting patiently for them and they were led to a table tucked away near the back. It was secluded enough to feel like they could be comfortable but not so shut off from the other tables that it felt like they were hiding away.

Nothing for it, dinner was delicious but complete agony. Dean spent the whole time dropping innuendo after innuendo. Just watching Dean chew his filet, tongue flicking out to lick a bit of juice from his lips, had Castiel painfully hard again.

Reaching up to finger Castiel’s tie, telling him again how good he looked, wasn’t playing fair though.

“You like this tie, Dean?” Castiel husked.

Dean nodded cheekily as he continued to swirl it around his fingers.

“I like it too. I’d like it better wrapped around your wrists though.” Castiel’s eyes darkened with lust.

Dean’s eyes, on the other hand, went wide, his mouth parted in a mix of surprise and desire. Then he chuckled softly and said, “You win this round.”

He tightened his hold on the tie and pulled Castiel in for a long lingering kiss. Heedless of their surroundings, Dean slid his tongue inside Castiel’s mouth, licked and nipped at him in a way that bordered on inappropriate and left them both hard and wanting.

Of course this was moments before the waiter came to inquire about dessert, something they both declined vigorously before Dean practically threw his credit card at the poor guy. It took less than ten minutes for them to pay, gather their clothes from the kitchen and ease the Impala into traffic.

“Dean... today... I... it’s been amazing. Thank you.” Castiel said as he struggled to find words while he rested his hand on Dean’s thigh; sought a physical connection to him too.

“Not over yet, Cas. Got one more stop. Bit of a drive to get there but I think you’ll like it.”

Fingers settled over Castiel’s and then wove between them and squeezed gently. The ride was easy and relaxed, the only break in the silence was Dean’s honey warm voice singing along to the music.

At some point Castiel had leaned over to rest his head on Dean’s shoulder. He must have dozed because the next thing he knew they were pulling up to a gated road surrounded by trees.

“Where are we?” Castiel sleepily asked.

“You’ll see.” Dean answered mysteriously.

Getting out of the car, Dean walked over to a figure that Castiel hadn’t had a chance to notice beside the road. He was pretty sure he saw money exchanged before Dean turned to walk back toward the car while the figure moved to the gate and unlocked it before he pulled it open.

Castiel gave Dean a questioning glance when he got back in the car, but Dean just shrugged with a smile and pulled through the now open entrance.

Pretty quickly, Castiel realized they were at a golf course. He came to that realization when they’d driven past the main building, completely dark and clearly closed. Ah, that would be why Dean had paid for access to the locked road.

Didn’t really answer the question of why they were there, but he supposed Dean would reveal his motivations soon enough, so he contented himself with reclining in his seat and stole glances at Dean.

Which was how he noticed Dean’s little flash of a smirk right before he jerked the wheel and the Impala bumped over the small lip of curb that separated the driveway from the green.

Castiel sat up straight, shocked, “Dean, what are you doing?”

“Getting us the best view.” Dean said easily as he drove right out into the middle of the course.

“But- You… you can’t just drive into the middle of a golf course.” Castiel replied reasonably.

“Sure, I can. Just did, matter o’ fact.” Dean drawled. “Don’t worry, I’ll send them a cheque for the damages.”

“Yeah, okay, but-”

“Worried we’ll get caught out here?” Dean teased while he ran one of his hands reassuringly up the side of Castiel’s neck, cupped his cheek. A shiver of arousal simmered low in Castiel’s stomach. “C’mon Cas, that’s part of the fun. Plus we won’t be. Locked road, remember? And I paid that guy good money to let us in and keep his mouth shut about it. We’re good, babe.”

“Yeah,” Castiel agreed just a little breathlessly.

Dean smirked again, like he knew exactly what kind of effect he’d just had on Castiel, “Gotta get some stuff outta the back seat, okay? You just wait here.”

Quietly, Castiel watched as Dean pulled out a couple of thick blankets and a thermos from the back seat. Then he made his way around to the front of the car and began to lay out one of the blankets on the hood.

Thermos and second blanket clutched in one hand, Dean used his other to leverage his way up onto the blanket. He turned to look at Castiel through the windshield, winked at him and patted the space next to him invitingly.

That was all the motivation Castiel needed to get out of the car. So, he opened the door, and slipped out, climbed up beside Dean with the help of Dean’s free hand and settled against Dean’s side.

The cold night air was shocking for a few moments until Dean managed to get the large heavy blanket wrapped snugly around both of them. They had to squeeze closely together to make it work comfortably, but it didn’t feel like a hardship to have one of Dean’s arms around him and his own arms tucked around Dean.

Castiel’s nose was pressed into Dean’s neck, and he shifted to place a soft kiss there before he pulled away just far enough to look up into Dean’s eyes. Lit up with nothing but a bit of glow from the Impala’s headlights and the sky full of stars, but still so full of warmth.

Breath caught in his throat, all Castiel could do right then was stare back and hope Dean could see the affection in his eyes too.

Dean’s lips tugged up into a lopsided smile, “Look up, Cas.”

Obediently, he did, face bright with the wonder of what he saw. The sky was clearer than anything he’d seen in the city, billions of glittering dots scattered across a liquid blue-black sky with streaks of dark grey clouds scattered here and there that only seemed to throw the clear patches into sharper relief. Beautiful, the kind of awe-inspiring sight you felt in your soul. Echoes of which were found in poetry, music and art.

Pale imitations now, and Castiel was fundamentally changed in that moment, not because of the stars, but because Dean holding him while he showed him the stars like he’d never seen them before was infinitely perfect and warm. Everything, from the pressure of Dean’s arm over his shoulder, and the puff of his breath that floated down when he leaned closer combined with the way too big feeling inside of Castiel. Made him want to stay right there, curled up with Dean forever.

“Wow,” He breathed.

“Yeah,” Dean agreed.

Unlike Castiel though, Dean wasn’t looking at the sky. Too focused on Castiel’s face to care about it, he felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest and all he could think was, God, I love him. Had to bite his lip to keep from saying it out loud.

Didn’t seem fair to Castiel for Dean to dump that on him so soon before leaving. They had time, and Dean could wait until he got back. Besides, he wanted to be sure Castiel felt the same about him before he spilled his guts like that.

Finally, Dean tore his gaze away from Castiel and shifted the blankets enough to hand the thermos to him, “Hot chocolate?”

Castiel’s eyes dropped to the thermos and then moved back up to Dean’s face while he took it, “This is probably the most liquid sugar I’ve consumed in a single day. Three hot chocolates is definitely a record.”

“Hey, I’ve seen the way you take your coffee.” Dean objected with raised brows as Castiel screwed the top off.

“Everyone knows sugar doesn’t count if it’s in coffee, Dean.” Castiel replied.

“What? No one says that, Cas.” Dean said then chuckled when Castiel shrugged and took a sip of the still warm drink.

“I think it’s along the same vein as calories don’t count on your birthday.” Castiel said with a barely suppressed smirk.

Then handed the thermos back to Dean and after that they spent a while quietly sharing the thermos and stargazing. That big warm feeling in Castiel’s chest kept growing and spreading. Every time Dean caught his eyes or their fingers brushed on the thermos, another little bit of heat suffused him until it felt like he was glowing with it.

Once the thermos was empty Dean tossed it to the ground back by the driver’s side door to pick up later and smiled shyly at Castiel. And that definitely got Castiel’s attention, just like it always did when Dean was shy.

“So, there’s one more thing I wanted to do with you while we’re out here.” Dean said, cheeks hot but he pushed through it. Shoved off the blanket and slid off the hood of the car. Then smiled widely at Castiel’s confused expression and held his hand out. “I was hoping you’d wanna dance with me.”

Oh, that was… That was incredibly easy to agree to because Dean looked amazing in the headlights, suit lit to a dark blood red, face flushed and eyes hopeful-bright. Castiel’s heart pounded loudly in his ears as he reached out to take Dean’s hand, “Of course, I would.”

Dean helped him down and tugged him in until they were pressed together, hands still clasped. Dean’s other hand on his waist and Castiel’s rested against Dean’s chest. Awkward for all of a second before Dean guided them into a simple slow dance, elegant enough that Castiel commented on it.

“You’re good at this. Those dance lessons really paid off.” Castiel said with a smirk as he leaned back to look at Dean.

“Can it,” Dean said before he teasingly pressed Castiel’s head back in place.

Nothing but silence and warmth until Dean started to hum a quiet tune for them. Castiel’s hand gripped Dean’s harder, heart in his throat, the second he recognized it; the song Dean had written for him. Emotions flooded Castiel, almost overwhelming and he dropped his head into the crook of Dean’s neck, breathed in the clean scent of him and sighed it out.

Beneath the unfamiliar body wash was Dean, and every part of Castiel’s being responded to the smell of him by melting into his arms. The swelling tide of his own feelings made him light-headed, and Dean’s arm tightened around him like he knew Castiel needed that little gesture to ground him.

When Dean’s humming petered off Castiel leaned back again, tilted his head up and Dean knew just what he wanted. He slid his hand into Castiel’s hair just as their lips met, slow and sensual. Like they had all the time in the world and nothing else to do with it.

Pleasure and longing built up gradually between them with soft touches and breaths sighed sweetly against each other’s lips, into mouths. Right up until the second Dean’s hand rested on Castiel’s chest and playfully tugged at his tie.

Which reminded Castiel, “I do believe I made a promise about what I was going to do with this tie.” He breathed into the scant space between their lips, "And I always keep my promises.”

Dean’s lips curled into a smirk, “Yeah? You gonna tie me up, Sir?”

Castiel sucked Dean’s lower lip into his mouth and bit down just firm enough to be a warning, loved the way the plush flesh gave beneath the pressure of his teeth, “Yes, I think I will.”

A shudder wracked Dean’s body and Castiel felt his cock harden where they were pressed together. His own arousal spiked in response, and he smiled darkly while he pulled his tie loose. The slither of fabric as it slipped free of his collar stark in the stillness around them.

Dean’s tongue darted out to absently wet his lips, before his upper lip curled up just a little like he was daring Castiel.

“Be a good boy and go stand up against the passenger door facing the car.” Castiel ordered, voice hard and hot, used to being obeyed by now. “Clasp your hands behind your back and wait for me.”

For just a flash of a second Dean looked like he might just smirk, but he bit his lip and did as he was told. Castiel took his time, folded up the blankets they’d used and gathered them up. Located the thermos too, and stowed them in the driver’s seat before he made his way over to Dean.

The whole time he felt Dean’s eyes on him, felt the heat in them, until he’d walked out of Dean’s line of sight and Dean’s head dropped forward, body relaxed and so pliant that something hot burned in Castiel’s gut.

He hadn’t even really touched Dean yet, and there he was wordlessly offering his body up like it was nothing to trust someone, Castiel, so completely. Hot wasn’t even close.

The first brush of Castiel’s thumb over Dean’s wrist made him jolt. His hips arched involuntarily into the car like his cock was seeking friction all on it’s own and fuck, even the cold metal felt like a relief.

“Stay still.” Castiel instructed as he wound the tie around Dean’s wrists.

He didn’t really know any special ties, he’d never tied someone up before, but he figured out how to make it work. Ran his hands up Dean’s arms when he finished with it, firm pressure right up to his shoulders.

Then his hands branched off in different directions, one around Dean’s front to close loosely around his throat just beneath his Adam’s apple and the other into the back of his hair. He pressed full-body against Dean just as he pulled roughly on his hair, made him drop his head back and expose his neck.

A breathy, turned-on, little rush of air burst from Dean’s lips and clouded above them and then Castiel’s teeth scraped down the side of his neck, licked before he mouthed his way back up it. Sucked Dean’s earlobe hotly into his mouth and bit down lightly. Dean shivered, panted out harsh breaths but he stayed perfectly still.

So fucking hot, Castiel ground his hard cock against the swell of Dean’s ass, pushed him forward against the car and Dean gasped sharply. God, it felt good, Dean’s perfect fucking ass, Dean’s body loose and tractable beneath his hands.

“What do you want, Dean?” Castiel questioned. “Ask me nicely and maybe I’ll even give it to you. We had a good day and I’m feeling pretty generous at the moment.”

“I-I, fuck, Cas.” Dean groaned. Tried to get his words to fucking cooperate, but Castiel’s mouth was hot on his jaw. The scrape of his teeth over Dean’s stubble made him suck in a tight breath before he finally got out what he was trying so hard to say all in a rush, “Wanna, get in the car. Then I wanna, God, I want you to fuck me with your fucking fingers.” Castiel’s cock pressed hard against Dean in a slow grind and Dean lost his train of thought for a long moment. “Before I ride you. Like, fuck, like we were gonna do at Sam’s before we got fucking rudely interrupted.”

Dean paused a second, then added, “Please, Sir?”

“Mmm.” Castiel considered, lips pursed against Dean’s pulse, loved the way he could feel it race. “You did do a fantastic job today. And you asked relatively nicely. So you have that in your favor. I don’t think you fully considered your circumstances, however.”

“My?”

“Circumstances, Dean. Your hands are bound. And they’ll remain that way until we both come.”

“Shit.” Dean whined as Castiel released his grip on Dean’s hair and Dean let his head fall forward onto the hood of the car.

“Guess we’ll find out if you can get off just on my cock, Dean. Maybe I’ll amend that to until I come. Whether or not you come will be entirely up to you. I certainly won’t be lending you a hand.” Castiel murmured against the curve of Dean’s neck.

Dean lifted his head just long enough to catch it when Castiel jerked the back door open hard enough to make the hinges squeal. He was about to reprimand him and insist he treat his Baby better when Castiel’s fingers wrapped around the fabric binding Dean. He yanked Dean hard, pulled him back and around the open door before he shoved him into the back seat.

Dean’s head probably would have cracked on the door frame if Castiel hadn’t slipped his own hand between the metal and Dean’s skull at the last moment.

Suddenly, Dean found himself sprawled face first across the back seat while the smell of leather invaded his senses. An unreal moment of intense arousal hit him as he struggled to turn. So fucking hot that Castiel was just standing there, watching him do it.

Finally, he managed to flip himself so that he faced Castiel, legs splayed wide to make room for him. God knows how, because Dean certainly didn’t have a clue how he’d done it without falling over like an idiot. And then Castiel climbed into the car, shut the door behind himself and just raked his eyes over Dean.

“You look good, all spread out for me like this, but I think we can do better, don’t you?” Castiel asked, and fuck, it was so hot how he slowly met Dean’s eyes and held them as he said it.

“I, um…”

“I think we should start with your jacket, then unbutton your shirt before we get you out of those pants. Shoes, socks and underwear too, of course.”

Dean’s eyes went hazy while Castiel spoke, lust and heat in his gaze. The fact he couldn’t do a damn thing to make what Castiel was talking about happen just made it that much hotter, “Yeah, yes, uh, please.”

Excruciatingly slowly Castiel unbuttoned Dean’s shirt, followed the path his fingers took with his lips and tongue. Tasted every inch of skin he revealed in a slow tease until the last button slipped free. Then he pushed the shirt open and slid his hands smoothly back up Dean’s chest. Loved that Dean arched into it when the tips of his fingers brushed over his nipples, already hardened in the cool air of the car.

So fucking sexy how debauched and needy Dean looked as Castiel slipped his jacket and shirt over his shoulders, pushed them down Dean’s arms until they caught at his elbows. He smirked at Dean before he pulled his shoes off and one by one let them drop to the floor. Followed it up with his socks and then ran his hands up the insides of Dean’s legs, left little tingles of pleasure in their wake, then skirted around where he was so fucking hard in his pants and slid up his chest again.

Dean’s full lips practically begged to be kissed, so Castiel easily acquiesced with a slow drag of his lips and a curl of his tongue, just enough that Dean moaned into it and tried uselessly to chase it when Castiel pulled away.

“Fuck,” Dean breathed as Castiel sat back on his heels and reached for the buckle on his pants.

In no time flat, he worked Dean out of them. Hard, flushed, Dean’s cock jutted up perfectly between his legs and Castiel leaned forward to lick a slow broad stripe from base to tip. Dean’s thighs twitched, but he held himself still, so Castiel rewarded him with a swirl of tongue around the head of his cock.

“Please tell me you brought lube.” Castiel asked more like a statement and Dean shuddered at Castiel’s warm breath over his wet cock.

“Hell, yeah, I did.” Dean affirmed, like he’d fuckin’ forget that. “Glovebox, babe.”

Castiel leaned over the front seat, grabbed the lube from the glovebox and was back on his heels as quickly as possible. For safekeeping, he tucked the bottle between his legs and then tugged and pushed Dean until he was standing on the floorboard, bent over the front seat. Ass in the air, perfectly exposed, so that Castiel had easy access from where he sat right behind him.

And fucking Christ, Dean looked good like that. Arms bound not just with Castiel’s tie but with his own clothes too, and fuck if Dean didn’t love the feeling of his arms being trapped that way. Didn’t love being put on display for Castiel.

“God you’re fucking hot.” Castiel murmured right before he sucked a bruise into the curve of Dean’s ass cheek.

A quiet click of the lube cap sounded out and then warm, slippery fingers brushed gently over Dean’s hole. Softly with just a little pressure, Castiel circled it and tiny rushes of pleasure gathered heat in Dean’s gut, “Please, Cas, please, please, fuck me.”

“Always so impatient.” Castiel teased, but he complied and, fuck, that was the important part. Besides, Dean fucking loved the way Castiel teased him anyway. “Bet you think about it all the time.” Castiel’s finger pushed inside, a slow hot thrust right down to the last knuckle and Dean sucked in a breath, so- God, so good. “My fingers, my cock. How much you love it when I fuck you.”

Low, hot, Dean moaned for it, arched his back and pushed into it when Castiel withdrew his finger and sank it in again. Loved the slight sting of it when he pushed another in just slightly sooner than Dean expected, “Yeah, fuck, Cas. Think about it all- ah, all the time, S-sir.”

Castiel’s heart pounded steady and fast, Dean was so hot around his fingers, but for some reason that wasn’t what lit his body up like a fucking shooting star of awe and pleasure. Logically, he knew, he knew, Dean must think about him, but hearing confirmation was some other thing altogether. Burned into his skin and carved a place in his chest; sat there hot and heavy.

Castiel’s voice was a little thick when he demanded, “Tell me about it.”

A shiver shook Dean at the lust-wrecked sound of Castiel’s voice, sexy as fuck when it got all hot and dangerous like that, “Every- every time I’ve jerked off for fucking weeks, Cas. God, since I saw you- oh fuck, play in the park. Wanted, fuck, fuck-”   Firm rub of Castiel’s fingers over his prostate and Dean ground himself back onto them, sweat beaded on his body, so hot. “God, wanted you. So fucking much.”

A satisfied smile spread Castiel’s lips, and he worked another finger inside Dean for his honesty, drew a drawn out moan from Dean’s chest at the added pressure.

“So, I guess that just leaves one question.” Castiel whispered roughly, fucked Dean with his fingers in hard fast thrusts that pushed hot little noises out of Dean. Made Castiel’s blood run even hotter. “Does this live up to your fantasies, Dean?”

“Oh, God, fuck, yes!”  Dean groaned, “Feels so fucking good. Can’t, fuck, can’t wait to feel your cock inside me.”

Castiel left another dark bruised spot on Dean’s ass cheek after that before he slowly withdrew his fingers. He ignored the little whimper Dean let out, and grabbed the bottle of lube. Settled himself with his back reclined against the door, legs splayed on the seat.

He smirked when Dean looked over his shoulder just in time to watch him slowly slick up his cock with more lube, “This is the part where you ride me until I come.”

Dean’s teeth caught his bottom lip, cheeks pink, eyes half-lidded, and so damn sexy that Castiel’s cock throbbed. Eventually Dean got himself twisted around the right way, and wedged one knee between Castiel’s thigh and the back of the seat, no room for the other so it stayed stretched out to the floorboard.

Charitably, Castiel gripped his cock and held it still for Dean to lower himself onto. Slick, tight, and so fucking hot, Dean sank down around him, inch by inch with a soft groan until he bottomed out. Felt so fucking good with his thigh muscles straining, Castiel’s cock buried inside him.

Dean tested out the position with a little bounce, had to tense his legs and ass, stomach muscles too, for balance. It was so hot though, not being able to use his arms for leverage. Despite the cold, he was slick with sweat in no time as he worked himself up in speed, harder, faster until he was pulling up and slamming down over and over. Boiling hot pleasure and the ache of overworked muscles pushed him steadily higher.

“Fuck, Cas, oh my God. Fuck!”

Holy fuck, Dean’s ass was even tighter than usual, clenched hard around Castiel with every thrust, practically milked his cock every time Dean lifted his body. Felt so fucking good that Castiel let out hot grunts and groans with every drop down.

The slick sound of their bodies obscenely filled the car, and Castiel just watched as Dean fell apart on his cock, so goddamn gorgeous. Face filled with pleasure, lips swollen, parted and begging to be kissed, eyes closed tight as his head fell forward and his chin rested on his chest. And Castiel just sat back and let Dean go until Dean’s legs trembled with the effort.

“Dean, you’re so, oh fuck, so tight.” Castiel groaned, ran his hands up the damp skin of Dean’s stomach and felt the bunch and roll of his muscles, skimmed them up all the way to his nipples. Toyed with them; quick pinches and slow rolls that broke stuttered moans free from Dean’s chest. “So fucking good for me. Fuck, I love how you’re always, so… fucking… good.”

Dean’s legs shook harder and Castiel finally, mercifully gripped his hips to still him. Shifted them down so that he could lay more fully on his back and thrust up into Dean’s hot fucking ass. Dean arched into it, angled his hips until Castiel pushed firmly into his prostate on every stroke. Pleasure like sparks of heat and need burst in him, filled him up and pooled in his belly.

And fucking Christ, Dean didn’t know if he could come without his dick being touched. Wanted so, so, so, so fucking badly to be able to. God, he fucking wanted to, but it just kept building and building, hotter and hotter, didn’t crest and he-

“Cas, Cas, ah, I can’t. Fuck, fuck, I can’t. Please, God, Cas, please touch me. Just a little, please, Sir. God, I’m so fucking close, Cas, and I can’t. I fucking- I can’t.”

Tears pooled in the corners of Dean’s eyes and threatened to fall as he begged, needed it so goddamn much.

“Shh.” Castiel soothed, pulled Dean down so their chests brushed and Dean’s cock was trapped between them. And holy fucking shit, just that little bit of friction as Castiel rocked up into him, one hand on Dean’s hip, the other wrapped around Dean’s back to pull him into it, fired off shocks of pleasure so intense that Dean nearly came instantly. “Better?”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, Oh my fucking God, Cas. ” Dean panted, felt so fucking good, so close he could feel it right, fucking, there.

“Not until I come.” Castiel warned him, and Dean let out this little whimper that rocketed through Castiel, pushed him right to the edge.

Dean’s lips were so close, just out of reach so Castiel adjusted his grip and slid one hand roughly into the back of Dean’s hair, pushed him up that extra little bit so he could suck Dean’s bottom lip into his mouth before he licked his way inside. So fucking hot, and the slide of Dean’s tongue against his, the flick of it against his soft palate made Castiel’s body tighten up.

The heat that’d built in his gut grew until it exploded through his body in a rush as he came so fucking hard in Dean, pushed his cock in deep and pulsed hot gushes of come into him. Didn’t have long before he softened so he rolled his hips in hard, deep thrusts, felt Dean’s stomach muscles quiver as Dean ground his cock against Castiel’s belly.

Fucking Christ, Castiel’s cock sliding slickly through his own come felt so goddamn good, Dean was right on the edge, just, just a little and he’d be there.

And then, “Come on, Dean. Better fucking come or you won’t get to.”

Dean stilled, body locked up, mouth open on a silent, surprised moan while he came. Pleasure slammed through him in hard waves as he spilled between their stomachs, sticky and hot and so fucking good. Let out a shuddering sigh when the static in his ears finally receded and warm, satisfied lethargy sapped his energy.

He kissed Castiel like he’d never get enough of it, never, until the mess between them grew uncomfortable and the cold of the car they’d forgotten to start finally registered. Shortly after that, Castiel untied Dean’s wrists and pulled his shirt and jacket back up. Dean bit his lip at the bone-deep, satiated ache in his muscles as he climbed off Castiel and grabbed the wet wipes he’d tucked into the glove box too.

Handed the pack to Castiel and they cleaned themselves up before they dressed between slow, stolen kisses and soft comforting touches, and Dean thought again, just how much he loved this, loved Castiel. Loved the affectionate way Castiel buttoned his shirt for him and trailed kisses up along his chest as he went until he kissed up Dean’s neck, his chin and then kissed his lips like he didn’t know how to stop.

Eventually they pulled away from each other long enough to climb into the front seat, once Dean had dumped the thermos and one of the blankets in the back seat, and wrapped Castiel up in the other one, buckled in and curled up in the passenger side.

“Not gonna lie, I’m pretty tempted to just get under there with you and take a nap.” Dean said with the warmest smile Castiel had ever been on the receiving end of, so full of closeness that Castiel’s breath nearly caught in his throat.

“I’m pretty tempted to let you.” Castiel replied with equal warmth, tried to tell Dean with his eyes what he was feeling because he didn’t understand it enough for words yet.

Just knew that it was big and warm and felt so right in ways he wished he knew how to express. Softly, Dean’s thumb brushed over his cheek and then he leaned in for another slow kiss, “Mmm, if I didn’t need to get you home, I would. But there ain’t no way I’d be getting outta there any time soon if I got in.”

Castiel’s lips pushed out into a small pout but Dean was right, he did need to get back tonight. So he settled for one last achingly slow kiss before he leaned back against the door. Didn’t take long at all for the Impala’s low purr to lull him to sleep.

The first thing Castiel became aware of when he woke was the weight of Dean’s lips against his, heart-stoppingly sweet and gentle. The second was Dean’s lips curving up into a smile when he noticed the change in Castiel’s breathing that signaled he’d woken up. A soft, lazy brush of Dean’s tongue over Castiel’s bottom lip and then he was pulling back.

Sleep-hazy and warm, Castiel cupped Dean’s face and guided him back into it. Wanted to trade slow easy kisses while he gradually adjusted to consciousness. He smiled into the kiss when Dean’s hands carded through his hair. The gentle scrape of his fingernails against Castiel’s scalp sent a shiver down his spine, and he sighed out hotly into Dean’s mouth.

“C’mon, baby, let’s get you up to bed.” Dean said, words whispered softly against Castiel’s lips like he regretted having to say them.

Castiel stretched and yawned as Dean sat back, he didn’t really wanna move, but he had to, “You know you don’t have to walk me up, right? I’m totally capable of getting myself to my dorm from here.”

“Yeah, I know. Gonna do it anyway, Cas. Humor me.” Dean said with a smirk.

So, they walked together, Dean’s arm casually draped over Castiel’s shoulders, back toward the dorms. They made it about halfway through the skyway before Castiel suddenly stopped short, eyes focused on something outside the glass walls.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Dean asked and the concern in his voice finally snapped Castiel’s attention back to him.

A huge, bright, completely unguarded, grin lit up Castiel’s face, “It’s the first snow.”

“Uh, okay?” Dean replied, not any less confused. “You’ve seen snow before, Cas. Unless you’ve been hibernating every winter.”

Castiel’s teeth dug into his bottom lip like he was deciding whether or not to explain himself, “Yes, but the first snowfall…” Castiel blew out a soft breath before he continued. “I told you my childhood wasn’t exactly standard, but the one thing, the only thing, I did for myself- just for myself, not because I was told to- was that every year when the first snowfall happened, no matter where I was or what I was supposed to be practicing or working on, I’d sneak outside. Even if I knew I’d get in trouble when I came back, extra practice time or more homework, I just didn’t care what my mother did. And I always cared if she was disappointed in me. It wasn’t even to play in the snow because I couldn’t come back wet and dirty. I just stood there and listened to it falling around me.”

The wistful note in Castiel’s voice tugged at something in Dean’s chest; that part of Dean that wanted to fix things for everyone he cared about, the part that made him work so hard to make the people he loved happy, “Okay, so what are we doing here then? First snow’s out there, Cas. Let’s go listen to it.”

“Yeah, okay.” Castiel breathed, laughed when Dean pulled him into a run, like if they didn’t hurry it might stop before they got there.

And yeah, okay, it might, so Castiel ran, his hand in Dean’s while his heart pounded and his chest felt like something huge and warm was pulsing through it. Elated, and not sure if it was because of the snow at all or because of the way Dean’s green eyes sparkled when he grinned at him.

Castiel tugged Dean in the direction of the stairs, and they breathlessly ran up flight after flight, lungs burning and cheeks red until they reached the top and Castiel pushed open the door to the roof. He held it open for Dean and they walked out into darkness.

When they finally stopped in the frigid night air, Dean turned to face him and their eyes met, intense and full of emotion as they caught their breath. Clouds of condensation drifted between them like warm steam and a charged moment hung in the balance. Nothing but the muted sounds of the city peppered with silence and the soft, barely noticeable sound of the first snow.

Big, fluffy flakes floated all around them, clung to their hair and jackets, melted in drops on their cheeks. So perfect that when Dean’s eyes drifted closed to concentrate on listening, Castiel gripped his lapels and pushed up onto his toes to kiss him.

Dean’s nose was cold against Castiel’s cheek but his lips were still warm, and soft, and it felt like he belonged there, with Dean. Like they were made for each other, and this. The massive warm thing in Castiel’s chest felt suffocating and wonderful, and the pressure of Dean’s lips against his, Dean’s arms wrapped around him just fed it.

An eternity and no time at all passed before Castiel finally managed to get himself to drop back down and break the moment. Wouldn’t have if he didn’t need to, because nothing could possibly be more important than this, right then. He smiled up at Dean, and when Dean echoed his smile Castiel decided on just one more kiss in the snow.

A few kisses later they made it back into the building, and if both of them had ridiculously love-sick smiles on their faces, well, no one was around to point it out, and they were both too enamored of each other to notice.

When they finally got to Castiel’s door, Dean kissed him up against it. All of the feelings he wanted to tell Castiel about in every graze of his lips and sweep of his tongue until they finally said goodnight and then once more before Castiel unlocked the door and went inside.

For a while Dean just leaned his forehead against the closed door and let himself feel that steady warmth in his chest. The half-crazy longing and love and desire that felt like his chest would split open with it, because how could one person feel so fucking much. Before then, Dean would’ve told you love songs were patently goddamn stupid. That no one really ever felt that much in real life.

Only Dean knew different now. Just needed to figure out how and when he was gonna tell Castiel that.

Chapter Text

Something pounding on his bedroom door woke Castiel and he groaned; checked the clock and saw it was almost nine o’clock, which was late for him but he and Dean had been out late on their date last night so Castiel wasn’t surprised he’d slept in. For a minute he sank into the warmth of his memories. They’d definitely go a long way toward getting him through the first leg of Dean’s tour until he could come back for a visit.

His momentary reprieve didn’t last long though, because the pounding started up again. Annoyed, Castiel dragged himself out of bed. If looks could kill, Balthazar would be well past his expiration date after Castiel ripped his door open. Just like that the insistence with which Balthazar had been pounding disappeared and he seemed hesitant to talk while Castiel glared at him silently.

Finally Balthazar managed to man up.

“Hey Cassie, sorry for waking you but… there’s something you ought to see.” Balthazar said and then he hesitated a little before he handed his phone to Castiel.

The browser was open to an online news rag that Castiel wouldn’t normally read but Balthazar frequented due to his love of gossip. Sickeningly, Castiel’s stomach dropped when he saw the first picture. It was of him and Dean just after Dean had helped Castiel up when he'd fallen, his hood down and sunglasses up.

“That’s... it’s okay it’s not..”

“Keep going.” Balthazar interrupted gently.

Castiel scrolled further and was slightly more alarmed by the next shot. They’d taken the photo just as Dean had kissed him, one hand on the back of Castiel’s neck, one held up to snap a selfie of them. More intimate than the first by miles and Castiel felt awful seeing it there splashed in color for anyone to look at.

His anxiety only grew as he continued to scroll through the photos, each one more personal than the last. Whomever had taken the first shot must have followed them to the restaurant and talked their way in. Must’ve been pretty discrete since a high class restaurant like that one would never abide people taking pictures of their customers.

And yet there was a high quality close up of the moment that Dean had grabbed Castiel’s tie and pulled him in for a heated kiss that Castiel obviously thoroughly enjoyed, as evidenced by the flush in his cheeks.

“Oh god, please tell me they didn’t manage to follow…”

When Balthazar didn’t answer Castiel’s heart sank, nausea roiled in his stomach and that feeling of being violated increased exponentially. Sure enough the next shot was of him and Dean pressed together under the blanket on the hood of the Impala. Castiel’s head tilted back to look up at Dean warmly.

He stopped breathing altogether when he saw the next one. He had Dean pressed against the car, Dean’s head yanked back by the hair and his face a perfect picture of submission while Castiel did something to his neck. Evidently even with the telephoto lens they must’ve been using they couldn’t get the right angle for those details.

For the last picture the photographer had to have moved up and changed angles. It wasn’t a clear shot with the fog on the windows but it was clear enough to make out a bare torso with Dean’s tattoo. It didn’t take Castiel’s personal knowledge of what had been happening at the time to make the leap to exactly what Dean’d been doing

Castiel glanced up to Balthazar who was looking on with concern before he scrolled back up to read the actual article.

Has Perpetual Bachelor Dean Winchester Found Love?

Dean Winchester was spotted hitting some of New York City’s most romantic locations with Juilliard student Castiel Novak before ending the night in Novak’s strong embrace. Is it love? Sources say that Dean has been spotted more than once in recent weeks at the dorms of the elite music school and our favorite rock god isn’t known for repeat performances. Has Benny been replaced? Will Jo always be heartbroken or will she get over her feelings to be a bridesmaid at their wedding?

Don’t worry Dean, you’ll always be tops to us, even if Novak prefers you in a different position.

Color completely drained from his face, Castiel finished reading before he looked up at Balthazar.

“How much…”

“It’s everywhere Cassie, articles from every gossip rag, the entertainment segment of the morning news, social media. By the way you should probably lock down all your accounts. You’ve already been tracked down there too.” Balthazar hesitated before he continued, “It’s not all about Dean either. A few of the write ups linked to old articles about your parents. One of them had the gall to insinuate that people in your family tend to go for people who can’t keep it in their pants.”

“I… I have to call Dean. He needs… I- I need to know what to do.” Castiel stammered. “I… I’m gonna go for a walk while I do.. It’s… it’s too… I can’t…I need air...”

Castiel turned to head back into his room so he could grab his phone and clothes but was stopped by Balthazar’s firm hand on his shoulder. Slowly, Castiel turned and the helpless look on his face nearly broke Balthazar’s heart.

“First you need to stop and breathe for me.” Balthazar paused to watch Castiel take a few deep breaths. “Second, you need to go look out the window.”

Quizzically, Castiel paused in his slow measured breaths to glance at Balthazar. When Balthazar didn’t say anything more Castiel walked woodenly to the window. The view looked out over the front entrance of the building; Foot traffic was light this early in the morning so the three people who were doing their best to look like they were just casually loitering in front of the dorms stood out like a sore thumb.

“I’ll just go through the-” Castiel started.

“Hannah says she saw more at the entrance of the school when she went by to hop on the subway.” Balthazar said sympathetically. “You might be able to sneak out through the parking garage but I couldn’t say for sure.”

Shocked, Castiel’s mind was still back on what Balthazar had said about the entrance of the school. The room started to spin a little as realization dawned on Castiel. Instantly, Balthazar moved forward to steady him.

“Cassie!”

“Balthazar... my showcase... they’re going to be out there tonight when the showcase… I don’t… What do I do?” Castiel asked as his eyes pleaded with his best friend to fix this for him.

“What you’re going to do right now is to go into your room and call your man. He’s far more practiced in dealing with this.” Balthazar said firmly while he steered Castiel towards the door of his room.

Suddenly, Castiel stopped and spun to face Balthazar.

“What if Dean’s upset? He… what they said about him. He’s tried so hard to keep our relationship private and… this isn’t… What if he’s upset?” Castiel knew he sounded frantic but couldn’t seem to stop himself.

“Call him. Now. I’m going to make you some coffee while you do.” Balthazar said with a gentle shove.

In slow steps, Castiel walked into his room and toward his phone. He couldn’t help but worry that Dean would blame him. Dean was just trying to soothe my hurt feelings over the whole tour thing. If I- if I hadn’t been so unreasonably hurt then- then this wouldn’t… Fuck...

Balthazar was right, Castiel needed to get this over with. Worrying about it wouldn’t help anyone. He picked up his phone and hit the call button on Dean’s contact page. His arm felt like it weighed a ton as he brought the phone to his ear and waited. Dean answered the phone and Castiel couldn’t help but wince at the teasingly grumpy tone of his voice.

“I’m assuming you’re calling ‘cause you wanna arrange to come over and give me a wake up BJ. Pretty sure that’s the only thing you’d wake me up this early for after you kept me up ‘til 3 a.m, right?” Dean asked, his freshly woken voice gruff.

“To be fair, you were the one driving.” Castiel said; aimed for lighthearted but wasn’t able to hide the tension in his voice.

“Cas? What’s wrong?”

Of course Dean would pick up on Castiel’s mood from so little. It didn’t seem possible that they’d been together for so short a time.

“Dean... I…” Castiel stuttered to a stop as he looked up helplessly at Balthazar, who’d come to stand in the doorway.

Thankfully, Balthazar understood without needing to be told and held up his phone to indicate what Castiel should say before he started tapping out something on his screen.

“Dean, Balthazar’s gonna text you a link. You should read it.” Castiel said, his voice only a little steadier.

“Okay… this isn’t some weird porn thing though is it? Cause Sammy has a habit of getting ahold of my phone and-”

“Dean! Please… just… just read the article and call me back… if- if you still want to.” Castiel said.

He hung up before the I love you that was on the tip of his tongue escaped. This wasn’t the time and frankly Castiel had just at that moment realized it was the case. The fear and sadness in the pit of his stomach swelled in size as he recognized exactly what he stood to lose.

The five minutes that followed were possibly the longest of Castiel’s life, and considering the torture that it could be spending time in his mother’s presence when she was displeased, that was saying something.

His mother… She would certainly see his name. She would see it and be furious, furious that he was dating and furious that it wasn’t someone that she deemed pedigree. What would she do if she found out? Would she threaten to stop funding school if he didn’t break up-

Just as Castiel’s mind was spinning down a dangerous path his phone rang and stopped his thoughts short.

“Dean.” Was all Castiel could manage when he answered.

“Hey Cas.” Dean responded, his voice clearly strained. “I’ve got… I’ve gotta make some calls, maybe make a trip to see my manager. It… it’ll be okay. I just… this is gonna… It’ll be okay.”

“Dean, I have… this thing tonight. Balthazar says there are people watching the dorms and the school. What… what should I do?” Castiel asked, hesitantly, vaguely, because he needed Dean to tell him what to do but didn’t want to pile on to Dean’s troubles.

“Shit Cas, I’m sorry. Is it something big that you can’t get out of? They probably won’t be leaving anytime soon.” Dean answered, his voice laced with guilt.

Castiel couldn’t stand that. He felt weird not being entirely honest with Dean but he knew that Dean was well aware of how important the showcase with Michael was, so if he told Dean the truth, his guilt would only magnify. It wasn’t like Dean’d been planning on coming anyway so it couldn’t hurt anything to downplay tonight’s importance.

Really what did it matter if there were reporters at the entrance? Castiel could just go through the dorms and he doubted the reporters would be allowed to harass the attendees. At least Castiel hoped they wouldn’t. People attending tonight were donors to the school and bigwigs in the music community. Nevermind the fact that a panel of instructors would be there to grade their performance.

“Yeah, sure Dean. I can reschedule it. I’ll be okay. I can just hole up in the dorms until you’ve dealt with whatever you need to deal with.” Castiel said and prayed his calm tone was convincing.

“Okay Cas. I’ll… I’ll call you later.” Dean said before the line went dead.

Castiel tried not to think anything of the way Dean abruptly ended the call. Whatever he was feeling about that didn’t matter anyway compared to the immense guilt that was washing over him. Dean never would have planned the date he had if Castiel hadn’t freaked over Dean leaving and gotten maudlin about not spending the holidays together.

He was still staring at his phone though when he heard Balthazar clear his throat from the door. Castiel looked up, a little dazed, before he gave a pained but appreciative smile to him. Appreciation that died rapidly when Castiel noticed the posters for the showcase that would go out at the front entrance which Balthazar was holding in his hand.

Honestly, he’d been so busy with Dean and practicing that Castiel hadn’t even seen the mailers Balthazar’d had made up and sent out, nor had he seen any of the flyers that were put up around the school and given to some of the high end hotels in the area. Maybe if he hadn’t been so focused on preparing for the showcase and Dean, he might’ve noticed.

“Seriously Balthazar?” Castiel all but yelled. “Two Guys One Cello? What on earth were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that you and Michael could do with something a little less stick up your ass and more in line with your showcase. You’re doing something new and exciting Cassie, it should be reflected. Besides, most of the stodgy people coming won’t even understand the reference.”

“No but I will.” Castiel gritted out before his shoulders slumped and he sighed. “I’m sorry Balthazar, I’m just… this is all a lot, Dean leaving, the showcase, finals… Now the press. What am I supposed to do?”

Exactly what Castiel needed right then; Balthazar walked over to him and pressed the steaming mug he was holding into Castiel’s hands.

“First, you’re going to drink your coffee. Then you’re going to shower and dress. May want to make it a high collar though. You’re wearing your performance tux, yes? It has a decent collar on it.”

Heat creeped up into his face as Balthazar reached out to brush low on Castiel’s neck. He hadn’t been thinking about the performance when Dean had been sucking mark after mark into his skin. Luckily, Balthazar was right and the stiff collar on his dress shirt would hide the highest one.

“Get a move on Cassie, I’m hungry and I don’t plan on leaving your side until you’re walking onstage tonight.”

***

Dean paced a few times in front of the apartment door. There’d been many times over the years that he'd resented the fact that his manager had decided to purchase an apartment in the same luxury building as him. None were felt more so than today because Dean really could have used the time it would take to drive elsewhere in order to figure out what the hell he was gonna say.

As he paced, Dean began working up a full head of steam. Whose god damned business was it if and who Dean decided to date? He shouldn’t have to answer to anyone about this shit. As for what the press had caught on film, they were the assholes who invaded someone’s personal life. He shouldn’t have to hide this shit just to avoid-

When the door swung open Dean froze on the spot and all the fight drained out of him as he stared into the steely eyes of his furious manager.

“Hi Dad.”

Chapter Text

“Cassie do not let that gorgeous omelette get cold. I had Marge make that special for you, don’t make me tell her you wasted her hard work.” Balthazar chastised as Castiel poked at his food.

“You have a bizarre relationship with the staff here Balthazar.” Castiel said before he stuffed a bite into his mouth and forced himself to chew.

“Well, it’s very important to be in the good graces of the people who prepare your food. All it costs me are some friendly words and a lovely gift each holiday.” Balthazar said as he finished off his own breakfast.

Unhappily, Castiel managed to choke down half the omelette and all of his coffee before Balthazar escorted him into the school proper to meet with Michael in the performance space so that they could make sure everything was properly set up. It was probably the most complicated set up either of them have had to work with and everything needed to be just right for the performance to go off without a hitch.

***

Dean sat staring down at his feet as John Winchester paced back and forth in front of him.

“We gotta get in front of this, right now.” John said just shy of shouting, not for the first time.

He’d already laid into Dean about being careless with a press tail. Taught him better, yadda yadda yadda. Dean was getting frustrated. Finally, John stopped for a breath and Dean took advantage of it.

“Why?” Dean asked firmly.

“Why what?” John asked as if he couldn’t possibly follow where Dean was going.

“Why do I need to get in front of it? It’s not like people don’t already know I have sex. So the problem isn’t that I got caught getting laid, it’s that I got caught spending time with the same person. So why can’t I just tell the press I’m in a relationship with someone?”

“Damn it Dean, no one's gonna buy music from a guy screwin’ a band geek, nevermind if you’re suddenly off the market. You gotta be attainable and at least look like you've got standards. Hell the only reason I went along with this whole bi nonsense is ‘cause it makes everyone think they got a chance with you.”

John paused to glare at Dean, “I certainly didn’t expect you to end up letting the world find out you’re some sort of bottom bitch that lets some twerp push him around. You don’t make a statement about this so-called relationship with this kid, I guaran-fucking-tee you it’ll affect Christmas sales. I don’t care how we spin it Dean, but we need to spin it. You need to tell the press it’s nothing. Tell ‘em it was a fling or an easy lay or whatever the fuck you need to say to convince ‘em you’re available.”

Dean knew that his Dad was right about the logistics. Hell, sales saw a dip when Sam and Jess went public. The fight between John and Sam had been epic. Sam’d even threatened to leave the band if they didn’t get a new manager. Between Dean and Jess they’d managed to talk Sam down but it was made abundantly clear that John would have no say in anything not strictly band related when it came to Sam.

Unfortunately part of Dean brokering peace meant that he had only felt John’s grip tighten around him. It was part of the reason why even though they’d technically been on break Dean had barely had any rest. He’d spent the whole time at John’s beck and call so that Sam could spend time with Jess and not have to fight with John about it.

That’d been all well and good when it was just Dean. It was good for Dean’s image to be seen out enjoying the nightlife and getting laid on a regular basis so even if the rest of Dean’s free time was spent doing press and corporate shit, Dean was happy.

Then Castiel had come along. Thankfully, Dean had Saturdays free and John had never stopped to wonder why the night Dean was supposed to spend in the lens of the press with some new hot toy turned into Dean disappearing entirely.

Still, Dean was having a hard time trying to remember why sales were more important than being with the man he loved.

“Sir-” Dean started.

“Son, unless your next words are ‘I’m gonna go out right now and screw some blonde bimbo on the six o’clock news’ I don’t wanna hear it. Get outta here and call me when you’ve fixed it.” John said before he stormed into his office and slammed the door.

Dean sat there stunned for a moment before he slowly stood up and headed back to his apartment. He didn’t stay. Instead he opted to cloak himself in his usual, don’t wanna be recognized outfit of a hat, sunglasses, heavy shapeless coat and scarf. Then he left his building and started walking.

As far as John and the execs that held his contract were concerned his musical talent was second to the appeal of his physical appearance and the fans that fantasized that Dean Winchester would pull them from the crowd, take them back to his hotel room and rock their world for a night.

It certainly made getting laid easy, though over the years Dean had moved more toward other celebrities and pseudo-celebrities, only relied on the odd groupie when he couldn’t find someone else. Groupies tended to get messy sometimes, wanted to stick around after, the exception being the high-end type parties like the concert that he’d met Castiel at.

Dean really hated the fact that all he was worth was what he looked like and who wanted to fuck him. There was more than that to him, goddamnit.

Castiel was different though. Sure, there was clearly physical attraction from the start. Well, almost from the start. But he’d looked past that, had gotten to know Dean first. It was who Dean was that kept Castiel coming around. It was Dean’s music, the way he played, that’d pushed through the barrier to the physical.

So, Castiel would still want him even if his career tanked, right?

That was a lot of pressure to put on such a new relationship though. Sure, Dean knew how he felt about Castiel. If nothing else, he was able to say with absolute certainty and calm, at least in his own head, that he was completely in love with Castiel. But he had no idea how Castiel felt. Obviously there was something there. The relationship was too intense for there not to be something there.

But… were Dean’s feelings enough to tank his entire career over? If Castiel felt the same, Dean would do it in a heartbeat. If he was honest with himself he’d know it wouldn’t matter because Dean was already lost.

As he got off the subway at the stop that exited right in front of the school after hours of walking around the city, Dean’s mind was made up. Uncertainty and more than a little fear still swirled through him, but he was gonna tell Castiel how he felt and that he was ready to go public, consequences be damned.

Dean was surprised to find himself surrounded with people being dropped off by cabs and limos before making their way into the school. It was weird that Castiel’d had some other thing going on when there was a big event at the school. Castiel had told him about having to act as an usher one night when he’d been out of contact for a while and explained that one of the things students were required to do was work events that they weren’t performing at. So Castiel having something planned tonight seemed odd.

He shrugged it off and made his way through the crowd. He was almost free when he caught sight of a poster in a large frame sitting on an easel by the entrance. A collage of two pictures, one a smirking Michael looking way too satisfied with himself and a very serious Castiel looking devastatingly handsome in tailored formal wear.

“Two Guys One Cello.” Dean read aloud. “What the fuck?”

An older woman wearing fur and too many jewels turned to glare at him. Uneasily, Dean reached up to check his sunglasses, made sure his disguise was still intact and didn’t care if he looked like a douche for wearing them in the dimming light of dusk. Then he ducked into the building with the crowd.

Why hadn’t Castiel told him about this event? Obviously it was the showcase he’d been working on this whole time with Michael and by the crowd of people and the smell of money coming off ‘em it was clearly a big deal. Why’d he tell me he was gonna cancel if he couldn’t?

Dean stopped a young student who walked by carrying a bunch of programs.

“Hey, where can I buy a ticket?” He asked as he plucked a program from the stack.

A quick glance showed that there were a few other performances but clearly Castiel and Michael were the main draw. The front was plastered with the same photos and stupid title. Dean couldn’t help but let the implied intimacy of it get to him. Besides, what the heck did it mean, were they taking turns playing a cello? Seemed weird, but whatever.

“I’m sorry, sir.” The student said with a disdainful look up and down Dean. “This is a private show. All tickets have been sold.”

They gave the program in Dean’s hand one last look before they joined the traffic that was thinning out. Luckily that meant that Dean was able to spot a familiar figure leaning into some pretty young thing as she blushed and tittered away under his attention.

“Balthazar!” Dean called as he strode toward the pair.

“Dean!” Balthazar replied, clearly surprised to see him. “What are you doing here?”

He stepped away from the girl and shooed her off. She left with a glare just before Dean reached them.

“What do you mean what am I doing here? Castiel said he cancelled his… thing.” Dean said.

“Look around Dean, this is his big night. He couldn’t exactly call all the people funding the school or the people deciding his ongoing fate as a student here and cancel because his boyfriend got him in a spot of trouble.” Balthazar said with narrowed eyes. “He told you he cancelled because he didn’t want you to feel guilty.”

“That’s another thing; This is a big deal. Why didn’t Cas tell me?” Dean asked as he vainly tried to keep the hurt from his voice.

“You were busy Dean. He asked if you had plans and you said you had to make an appearance at some tree lighting thing.” Balthazar said with a shake of his head. “Castiel is nothing if not considerate and he constantly underplays his own importance. I would have thought you’d have figured that out by now.”

The tree lighting party at one of the execs... Dean had forgotten all about it. He was gonna pay for that one. Dean shook it off though to think. Balthazar seemed to be telling the truth but there was something off that he couldn’t put his finger on. Like he was trying way too hard to deflect.

“Get me in.” Dean said in a tone that didn’t leave room for refusal.

“Dean-” Balthazar started, and there was that feeling again.

“I mean it Balthazar. Castiel and I have a lot to talk about. I promise you don’t have to worry about it and I don’t want to bother him before he goes on. But I want to see it, I need to be there for him.”

Balthazar’s stiff posture softened.

“Alright then, come with me.” Balthazar said as he put a hand on Dean’s shoulder and led him to a set of stairs.

Dean ended up seated next to the light board operator in the light booth which looked out over the stage and the audience. He pointedly ignored the looks the guy kept throwing in his direction.

Acutely aware that he stuck out like sore thumb in his ratty jeans and worn band shirt, never mind that he was still wearing his hat and sunglasses even though he was indoors; The last thing Castiel needed was for Dean to get recognized.

Valiantly, Dean tried to sit through the opening performances without squirming. It wasn’t that they were bad. Clearly they were talented performers, otherwise they wouldn’t be there. But if he was honest they were exactly what Dean had accused Castiel of being that first night. Uptight, rigid, no real feel for the soul of the music, just playing notes from a page.

Everything Castiel wasn’t.

Dean breathed a sigh of relief when the lights came down on the last performance before the headlining duo. As the lights came back up; a single cello sat centerstage with a single chair in front of it. There was what looked like an extra long drum pedal off to the side of the cello, a tambourine taped to the floor on the other side and two mics set up, one pointed more towards the neck of the cello and one towards the lower section of the wooden body.

Irrationally, Dean tensed again when Michael sauntered onto the stage, cocky as ever. Dean didn’t know exactly why the guy got under his skin so much but he didn’t like it. Maybe it was the way that Castiel seemed completely oblivious to the fact that Michael wanted him. That much had been apparent to Dean from the second he’d seen them play together in the park. But when Dean had mentioned it, Castiel had insisted that Michael was just messing with him, a dirty trick to try and rattle him.

Or maybe it was the fact that Castiel spent more time with Michael than he did with Dean, or that beneath the edge of competition and irritation that Castiel had when he spoke of Michael there was always a touch of fondness that even Castiel didn’t seem to be aware of that pissed Dean the fuck off.

Regardless, the prick was about to speak and Castiel was nowhere in sight. For a moment, Dean was worried that Castiel had buckled under the added pressure of the day’s events.

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen.” Michael spoke into the microphone that he’d removed from the taller stand. “Thank you very much for granting us the pleasure of your presence. I hope you’ve enjoyed the previous performances. My fellow students have been working very hard to ensure their music was worthy of such a fine audience. Now for this next performance… I’m sure many of you have seen myself and my partner, Castiel Novak, perform before.”

The way Michael said the word partner had Dean’s teeth on edge.

“So you know it isn’t bragging to say that the two of us have essentially mastered all the great works and it’s no challenge at all to be given sheet music and asked to play. So our esteemed mentors challenged us to find something that could take us out of the status quo, to find something new that would test our own skills. In the case of my partner, even force him to relearn old skills in an entirely new way.”

Michael paused as he moved his eyes across the audience with a grin and leaned in as if to share a secret.

“Now, it pains me to say this of my old rival, but I daresay Castiel has exceeded even my own high expectations. All I ask is that while you are watching him, don’t forget little old me.” Michael ended with a wink.

He replaced the microphone and the lights went dark once again. A single spot light came up on Michael sitting at the cello. When he started the first few notes Dean was confused as to where Castiel was in this performance. Then out of nowhere the man in question popped up from behind Michael.

(X)

Dean’s pulse kicked up a notch when Castiel reached forward around Michael with his right hand to start plucking at the strings with him. He was so focused on the small smile that Castiel had just given Michael when they locked eyes that Dean almost missed Castiel’s other hand reaching around to finger the strings just above Michael’s other hand.

Then Castiel shifted as he switched to drawing his bow across the strings and Dean couldn’t suppress the hot surge of jealousy that invaded him. The way Castiel pressed full body against Michael’s back expressed such a level of comfort and intimacy that Dean couldn’t stave off the flash of images that sparked in his brain. This was what they’d been doing for hours on end, day after day, pressed into one another in a way that was generally left to lovers. Dean knew how affected Castiel could become by music. Did he get hard when they did this? Had Michael felt the press of Castiel against him as they slid and rocked together?

It was bad enough watching Castiel wrap himself around that cocky prick. But when the tempo slowed and Castiel rested his chin on Michael's shoulder with his eyes shut, his mouth fell open, his lips brushed against Michael's cheek and ear as they moved and Dean saw red.

The cherry on top of the bullshit sundae was the way that that son of bitch looked at his Castiel; a look that conveyed way more intimate knowledge than two supposed rivals ought to have. All Dean could see was goddamn lies about barely tolerating each other. There was no damn reason to make Dean think that was how Castiel felt if he wasn’t covering something up.

Jesus Christ, how had he been so fucking blind. Castiel was so concerned about what Dean would be doing while out on tour because clearly Castiel was projecting his own guilty conscience. No wonder he hadn’t wanted Dean to see this. Anyone who watched it would know that they did more than perform duets on stage.

Well, fuck him. Fuck ‘em both. Ya know what? Let the two of ‘em go off and fuck each other and live happily ever fucking after in their little stick up the ass bullshit classical world.

Fuck, Dean couldn't believe he was ready to blow apart his whole damn world for that stupid little geek.

Nearly knocking over his chair in his speed and startling the operator, Dean stood angrily, and snatched up his coat before he stormed out. He was half-pissed and half-grateful that Balthazar was no longer in the lobby.

Part of him wanted to give the slimy Brit a piece of his mind for not bothering to let him know that he was wasting his time with Castiel. Surely he had to know Michael and Castiel were fucking. He knew everything about Castiel. Hell, Dean wouldn’t be surprised if Castiel was fucking Balthazar, too. But Dean had something else he needed to do.

After he flagged down a cab, Dean made his first call. The cab driver made sure to look uninterested even though Dean knew he was hanging on every word.

“Hey man, Dean Winchester. How’d you like an exclusive?”

Five minutes later Dean was hanging up and dialing another number.

“Bela! Hey, you gorgeous pain in my ass. Wanna be in all the rags tomorrow?”

Chapter Text

Castiel groaned when his alarm went off. It’d been late when he’d finally crawled into bed. Michael had insisted on going out for a celebratory drink and Castiel had been riding on such a high from how perfectly the performance had gone that he hadn’t put up a fight. He’d texted Dean after to let him know that the showcase had been a success but Dean hadn’t answered and didn’t call back. Castiel had chalked it up to Dean being busy with whatever he was doing to deal with the press and his manager and wasn’t terribly concerned.

Though he was having regrets now. He had another week of mandatory classes before break and that meant getting up early for his Monday morning class. Exhausted but determined, Castiel set about getting ready for the day.

He might've been tired but he couldn’t help smiling the whole time. His showcase was done. It’d gone so much better than he’d expected. There was some final work he had to finish up but now he’d have a lot more time to spend with Dean before he left on tour. It still made him sad to think of Dean being gone after Saturday but Castiel knew that Dean wanted to make it work.

When he finished his shower and left the bathroom Balthazar was lounging on a couch drinking his coffee and reading something on his phone.

“Well hello there Cassie! As quiet as it was last night I was certain Dean had swept you off to ravish you at his luxurious sound proof home.” Balthazar said with a smirk.

“Why would you think that?” Castiel asked with a half-smile and a half-confused squint.

“I assume after he made whatever declarations he needed to make last night, the two of you would finish talking it out with a sweaty bout of monkey sex. Don’t tell me the dashing Dean left you high and dry?”

“Balthazar, what are you talking about? I didn’t see Dean at all yesterday. Just talked to him on the phone. He was too busy dealing with all the crap from the press.” Castiel said as he poured himself a cup of coffee and added cream and sugar.

“Wait, you didn’t see him last night after your performance?” Balthazar asked as he sat up.

“No Balthazar, do you need me to skywrite that for you?” Castiel asked with a laugh. “Why are you so confused by this?”

“But he... he was there.” Balthazar said as he got to his feet. “He said he needed to talk to you but wanted to watch your performance, to be there to support you.”

Castiel’s gut twisted anxiously. Something wasn’t right. If Dean had been there, why hadn’t he found Castiel? Why hadn’t he answered his phone?

“What’s going on, Cassie?” Balthazar asked as he reached Castiel’s side.

With a frown, Castiel pulled out his phone to double check for missed messages or calls. There still weren’t any. He was about to dial Dean’s number when an email notification came in. He would've ignored it but the sender was his mother. It was unusual for her to email him instead of call him. He sat down and opened the email; Dean would have to wait.

Castiel, I’m very disappointed in you. I suppose I should have expected you to follow in your father’s footsteps with causing me such shame but I had hoped that I’d taught you better.

There was a link to one of the gossip rags. Castiel sighed. She must have seen the news from yesterday. Honestly he was surprised it’d taken her this long to get to him. He clicked on the link, wanting to know exactly what he was going to be defending before he called her. When it brought up a video link Castiel was confused. His confusion only grew when it loaded.

Dean was standing in front of some high end hotel with his arm slung over a very well dressed, well primped Bela. Whenever this was from it had been night. He had a lazy smile on his face and the warmth of lust that Castiel recognized well in his eyes. Maybe... maybe it was an old interview?

“So Dean,” an off-screen voice started. “What’s going on? Where’s your charming beau Mr. Novak?”

A microphone was thrust into frame. Dean leaned forward with a roll of his eyes.

“C’mon man. You know me better than that. Would I ever be settling down period, let alone with someone like that ? I felt bad for the kid. He was a starstruck little dude that needed his world rocked. Wouldn’t you if you’d only ever been fucked by a bunch of stuck up elitists? Kid needed to live a little and I helped him out.” Dean said with a shrug.

Castiel fought the urge to throw up as he watched Dean reach up to brush hair from Bela’s face.

“There are way too many beautiful creatures out there that deserve to experience Dean Winchester. Take Bela here, she knows how to show a guy a good time.” Dean leaned closer to her and the camera zoomed in as he claimed her mouth and kissed her breathless. “Speaking of which, I’ve got much better plans for tonight than standing out here talking to you yahoos. Nightie night boys.”

Dean winked at the camera before he swept Bela up in a bridal hold. The squeal she let out pierced right through Castiel as he watched Dean carry her into the hotel. He didn’t bother finishing the video, just closed it and the email from his mother before he slipped his phone back into his pocket. He wouldn’t be needing to call Dean after all.

Balthazar had stood beside Castiel in silence the whole time the video played. When it stopped Castiel looked up to see him staring off in utter shock.

“I don’t understand…”

“Nothing to understand Balthazar. I think Dean was pretty clear, if not entirely honest. He pitied me and thought he could spend some time doing charity work while he was on break.” Castiel said as he walked back into his room to put his shoes on.

When he finished tying his laces he glanced up to see Balthazar standing in his doorway, still looking completely shell-shocked. Done with the conversation Castiel grabbed his bag and brushed past Balthazar.

“I have to get to class. I’ll see you later.”

***

After that, Castiel meant to just push forward, like life just kept on going and nothing had ever happened. But he found himself filled with nervous energy. Soon his break would start and most of his friends would be leaving the city. Normally he’d spend the break practicing and spending the time going around to parties as his mother’s show piece but she’d made it clear she wasn’t interested in having him accompany her this year. Balthazar would be flying to Europe with his family and Castiel was seriously considering taking him up on the offer to go with.

It was two days after seeing the video, and Castiel was seriously considering if he should look for someone to hook up with so that he could bottom for them just to be able say someone else had gotten one of his firsts when he decided he needed a healthier outlet for his energy. That was why he dragged Balthazar out of bed before the sun was even fully up the next morning

“Jogging, Cassie?” Balthazar panted as he struggled to keep up with a very determined Castiel. “Really? You can’t just go out and have rebound sex like a normal person? Of course not, you decide to take up jogging .”

“Quit whining Balthazar, you could use the exercise too. Firm up a little before you hit the European club scene?” Castiel said with a laugh that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Fake it ‘til you make it, right?

“You’re trying to kill me as payback for Dean, aren’t you? You blame me.” Balthazar really did whine this time.

The smile Castiel was forcing died at the mention of Dean.

“We’re almost done Balth, then you can go undo it all with something entirely too rich for this time of day. Just one more lap around the park.”

When Balthazar’s shoulders slumped Castiel decided to take pity on him.

“Or you can stop when we get back to the benches and call your car while I take another lap.” Castiel said with a shake of his head.

“Oh bless you, Cassie.” Balthazar said earnestly.

Castiel left Balthazar, sweating and cursing, on one of the benches they favored for playing at and started his final lap. It was helping. The nervous energy that'd been buzzing through him had died down. Maybe this would be something he needed to keep up with. Castiel ducked his head against the cold wind and continued on.

***

Dean didn’t have a fucking clue what he was doing here. He was supposed to be at home, packing and making the final arrangements before he drove to the airport tomorrow morning. The tour bus would be meeting them on the west coast on Saturday.

Okay so maybe he did know. He couldn’t see Castiel, nor did he think he really wanted to see him. The guy was probably snuggled up to Michael right now without even a thought about why Dean hadn’t called or texted. Everyone was better off. And yet, there Dean was, traversing the city to relive their pathetic greatest hits.

He had two more stops, the benches in the park where he’d seen Castiel play for the first time and the club that he’d first met the stupid little geek at. He was walking towards the benches when his eyes caught on a jogger that’d stopped at the benches to stretch.

Dean swallowed hard when Castiel looked up and spotted him. This wasn’t happening. How could Dean have such terrible goddamn luck? Ready to turn and walk away, there was something about the flash of hurt in Castiel’s eyes made Dean step forward instead.

When Castiel shook his head and started walking toward Dean, suddenly he felt strangely happy. But then Castiel walked past without a word and Dean looked after him to see Balthazar standing at the curb with a car waiting, the door held open. And Dean just couldn’t keep his fucking mouth shut.

“Cas, I-”

“What Dean?” Castiel wheeled around, his voice a little louder than Dean was really comfortable with. “What does the Great Dean Winchester have to say to one of his lowly groupies?”

“Keep it down man, people are watching.” Dean said nervously as the crowds that were walking around started to slow and turn toward his raised voice. Some clearly recognized the name.

“I thought you liked to be watched Dean? Never stopped you before.” Castiel spit out. “It’s fine. I get it. Can’t have anyone back home making you feel guilty about all the strangers you wanna fuck. Shoulda just been honest with me when I said it before.”

Castiel turned and marched angrily off toward the car. People were staring at Dean like he was the stuff they cleaned off the bottom of their shoe. Of course that just made Dean mad.

“Hey Cas, tell me something! Did you go back to fucking Michael the second the stories hit the paper Sunday morning and things got a little too messy for your perfect life,” Dean yelled through the crowd before he paused as Castiel turned wide-eyed when he reached Balthazar and the open door. Got you you bastard. “Or were you still fucking him the whole time I was fucking you?”

Dean and Castiel stared at at each other for a few moments, Dean smug in his self righteousness and Castiel stunned. Then the fire returned to Castiel’s eyes. Dean caught Balthazar out of the corner of his eye trying to push Castiel into the cab but Castiel was having none of it. He firmed up his stance and stared Dean down.

“I was a virgin, you ass. ” He yelled before he turned and slid into the car.

Balthazar looked torn between getting in to calm his friend down or storming over to Dean and beating the shit out of him. In the end his friend’s needs won out and he got in behind Castiel.

Dean stared after the car as it pulled out into the stream of traffic and moved further and further from his reach.

What the fuck had he done?

Chapter Text

“Dean! Dean! Over here!”

Flash after flash after flash.

Dean swept the crowd of fans and paparazzi outside the hotel, gave his most blinding smile while not really seeing a thing over the brilliant lights.

“Dean! Who’s the lucky companion for the evening?” A faceless voice called out.

“Him?” Dean asked with a charming smile as he pulled his flavor of the night in tightly. “This is... Jack!”

“Jason.” The little twink that'd caught Dean’s eye after the concert said with a pout.

“Right! Jason! That’s what I meant.” Dean laughed, before he erased the pout with a toe curling kiss.

“Dean, he looks kinda familiar, doesn’t he?” Another voice asked.

Something in the voice, the way the question curled and twisted as it left her lips, had Dean searching out the face. He found the owner of the voice, a hot little number with long wavy red hair, perfect pin-up red lips twisted up in a smirk, a body that looked soft and inviting even under all her winter clothes. But it was her eyes that drew Dean in. Blue. Ice blue. The kind of blue that just pierced right through you and then grabbed on, refused to let go.

Dean forced himself to clear his thoughts.

“I’m sorry miss. Don’t know how I coulda missed such a gorgeous creature as yourself before but I can’t seem to place you. Who’re you with?” Dean asked as he moved closer while he still kept a firm hold on his... date.

“Abaddon. I write the Dear Abby column for TMZ.” She answered with a quirk of her well manicured eyebrow.

TMZ. That’d been the gossip blog that’d posted the photos of him and... yeah this wasn’t gonna end well. Dean should probably just head into the hotel. He would if he was smart. And not so damn drunk already.

“Dear Abby, that’s the one where people write in with their theories about celebs, right? Like who’s banging the nanny, who’s really making hot sweet boy love while their beards are off spending their money, and you turn around and give supposed facts to back up or disprove them, depending on what’s best for ratings. That shit, right?” Dean asks, his eyes a little hard despite the happy buzz that numerous shots of whiskey'd given him.

“That’d be the one.” Abbadon said with a smirk and zero shame at being called out.

“Yeah, I know who you are now. So, what was your question, sweetheart?” Dean spat out the last word as if it was an insult.

“I asked if your friend here looked a little familiar?” She repeated, still with that knowing little lilt in her voice.

Dean, on the other hand, was completely lost and merely shook his head.

“Oh come on, Dean, cute young guy, dark shaggy hair, big blue eyes and a trim little body with thighs you can ride all night long?” Abaddon moved her mic back into Dean’s face as the cameras continued to flash.

Anger simmered low in Dean’s gut.

“Lady, I got no idea what the hell you’re talkin’ about but I think I’ve given you enough of my time. Now, I’m gonna take my smokin' hot friend here upstairs to his room so I can shake the foundations of his world. Whaddya think, babe? Four orgasms? Make it a challenge and say five?” Dean turned his attention to the nearly forgotten young man still squeezed under his arm.

Poor kid couldn’t do much more than moan in response before Dean was dragging him into the hotel and up to his room.

When the elevator doors closed Dean watched Jason shift nervously in the reflection of the polished metal. Thank God.

“Look kid, I’ve actually had a really good time tonight hangin' out with you. But I can tell you ain’t really too thrilled about where this is headed. So here’s what’s gonna happen now. I’m gonna walk you to your door and give you one helluva kiss goodnight. Who knows, maybe I’ll catch you at another of my concerts and we can hang out again.” Dean finished with a comforting squeeze to his shoulder.

Jason visibly relaxed, relief in his eyes.

“It’s… It’s not that I don’t…”

“Hey kid, it’s okay. Really.” Dean said as he pulled his arm off of Jason’s shoulders and used a finger to tilt his chin up.

Kid was short, had to look way down to look him in the eye. Not right.

Dean made good and two hours later he sat alone in the dark, nursing yet another whiskey after having snuck out the back of Jason's hotel and in the back of his.

He was getting too good at that.

When John had first spent an hour lecturing Dean about how he need to date while on tour Dean’d bucked at the idea. Tried to make his dad understand that he’d actually been serious about Castiel and it was gonna take some time to deal with it but as usual it wasn’t his dad he was talking to, it was his manager.

He insisted that Dean needed to be seen out with people to help get the idea out there that Dean was still the same playboy that everyone had a chance at landing in bed, even if the public date was all that happened.

Even then Dean had refused. He’d already hurt Castiel enough. As unlikely as it was for Castiel to be cruising the gossip pages, Dean didn’t want to chance him seeing pictures of him with a bunch of other people, proving Castiel had been right all along.

Then Dean got stupid. Really, really, fucking stupid.

Told himself he was just gonna take a quick look at Castiel’s Facebook page, just needed to see his face. He only had himself to blame for the sucker punch to the gut when he saw a picture that Castiel had been tagged in. He was standing there blushing and looking down at the floor while that prick Michael had his arm wrapped around him and was looking at Castiel with the biggest shit eating grin.

If Castiel was moving on then Dean wasn’t gonna worry about a few pictures in the paper.

Unfortunately, if Dean really thought about what that damn reporter had been insinuating he couldn’t deny the validity of it. It had started off subtle, just a little something that would remind him of Castiel. Heck, even the fans had picked up on it and the sales of dark hair dye and blue contact lenses had skyrocketed.

Dean knocked back the last of his drink before he crawled into bed alone, the buzz finally strong enough to dull the ache in his chest and help him fall asleep.

***

Castiel sighed as he set down his bow and rested his cello against the stand.

“That was pretty great, Cas! I think we’ve got it down.” Michael said as he stood from his seat after he’d put his own instrument away and walked over to rest a hand on Castiel’s shoulder.

It still gave Castiel a bit of a twinge of pain when Michael called him that but he’d stopped wanting to correct him. Michael had been really great over the last few weeks; he’d let Castiel take over all his time so that the two of them could practice the duet they were doing for a benefit concert at the start of the next semester. Castiel needed the distraction.

With a sigh, he stood and shuffled the sheet music around in preparation to go again. It took Castiel a second to realize that Michael hadn’t taken his hand off of his shoulder. Castiel looked up and met Michael’s warm hazel-green eyes and the spark of desire he saw there had a flutter in his belly that he hadn’t felt for weeks.

“I mean it, Cas.” Michael said as he reached up his free hand to cup Castiel’s cheek. “You played beautifully. You are beautiful.”

There was only a second to try and remember why this was a bad idea before Michael brushed his warm lips across Castiel’s, barely there and then gone again as Michael pulled just far enough back to read Castiel’s face. The moment hung there, thick with potential, good and bad. Then Castiel moved in and crushed Michael’s lips with his own.

Arms clung tightly as lips and tongues and teeth moved together and against each other. For just a moment, a brief glorious moment, Castiel’s world felt righted. Felt good.

But then the lips against his were soft and plush, but not quite plush enough. The tongue in his mouth was skilled but didn’t move like it’d mapped out every inch of Castiel’s over and over. The moans that echoed in the room were full of desire and need, but they were breathy and just not deep enough.

When Michael finally pulled away it wasn’t desire Castiel saw but a sad, understanding smile.

“It’s not right, is it? I’m not him.”

He wanted to argue. Michael was everything his mother would want, everything Castiel should want. Had Castiel realized months ago that Michael was actually interested things could be very different now. Even under the cocky attitude and flare of competition, Michael was kind. He was driven like Castiel. He would understand Castiel’s needs.

Better yet, he’d also never have any reason to be ashamed of Castiel or worse, use Castiel as some sort of a fun distraction.

Eventually Castiel’s gaze drifted to the floor and Michael shifted to stand beside him, one hand still on his shoulder, this time to comfort rather than arouse.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not upset. But look Castiel, I care about you... a lot.”

From the corner of his eye, Castiel watched as Michael pulled out his phone and tapped a few buttons.

“Which is why I want to see this look on your face again some day. If it’s because of me, then I’d be very pleased. If not, I’d still be pleased. I’m here to talk to any time. I know this performance, this song, it’s hard for you. So let me be there for you, just as friends.”

Castiel nodded as he continued to stare at the picture Michael had pulled up on his phone from Facebook. It was from the night of their showcase. Castiel had been so happy, even though things were a little crazy with the press that day, Castiel’d had the amazing day that Dean given him and he’d thought that things were gonna work out.

Michael had come up to him to talk, slung an arm over his shoulder and pulled him in close.

“Hey Castiel, saw some interesting pictures this morning.”

Castiel pulled back, ready for an argument but he saw no malice there.

“I’m happy for you. Glad you finally found someone that could pull your eyes from the sheet music. That’s rare for people like us.”

Castiel blushed furiously about the fact that Michael had seen very intimate pictures of him but he couldn’t help his smile as he became fascinated with the ground. He’d just figured out that he was in love; Of course he was thrilled.

Castiel hadn’t even noticed someone snap a picture.

“Thank you Michael, for your patience and your friendship… I…”

Castiel didn’t know what else to say. Give me time? Wait for me? Was that really fair when Castiel was pretty sure he’d never find that kind of happiness within himself again?

***

“Dean!” John yelled across the hall as Dean was heading into the green room. “We need to talk!”

Dean groaned as he pushed through the door and dropped into the first available chair. He was sweaty and tired and all he wanted to do was go back to his hotel room and shower so he could pass out. He really wasn’t in the mood to deal with whatever bullshit John was about to lay on him.

And yet, there was John, standing over him looking practically apoplectic.

“Ran into a friend of yours today. That little twink that was hanging off you after the last concert.” John sneered. “Told the kid it’d be okay with you if he happened to let leak to some friends and maybe a paper or two how great you are in the sack.”

“You did… What the fuck, man? Who does that?” Dean yelled incredulously.

“Someone who's trying to repair the damage you did! Imagine my fucking surprise when the little twit starts gushing about how much of a gentleman you were and how you just walked him to his hotel room to make sure he got there alright after having a few too many and all you did was kiss him goodnight.” John raged on like all of that was some sort of personal attack against him.

“Hey I did exactly what you said to, I went out, I was seen fucking around with plenty of people. Practically every goddamn night!” Dean pushed to his feet as he yelled and his fatigue gave way to anger.

“Yeah, well it’s been fucking long enough, Dean. You better get over this shit right now or people are gonna start to talk again. I don't even care if you're taking it up the goddamn ass you make yourself available. They want a sex god, not a date to the sock hop!" John punctuated his words with pokes to Dean’s chest.

Furiously, Dean glared at John for a brief moment before he pushed past him, snatched up his jacket, keys and wallet and stormed to the door.

“Where are you going Dean?”

“I’m going to get laid Dad. What, did you wanna watch just to be sure? Maybe get a few cameras in for the press? I draw the line at you holding my dick for me. You might get to control every goddamn aspect of my life but not that one. If you wanna get some you’re gonna have to do it on your own and not live it through me.”

Dean didn’t wait for a response, knew he was probably in for one hell of a smack down later. Right now he needed to focus on the task at hand.

Of course the nearest bar was packed with people from the concert so Dean was immediately swamped. He kept his eyes peeled as he signed autographs and took picture after picture. Soon enough he spotted them.

Jackpot.

Twins. Absolutely gorgeous. Soft curves he could sink into, legs for days, long dark brown hair and blue eyes that flashed with want the second he made eye contact. Yeah, Dean could abso-fucking-lutely do this.

Two drinks and a lot of sweet talking later and Dean was spread out naked as a jaybird on his bed while the twins kneeled over him. They were jacking him with laced fingers while they made out with each other. Hazily, Dean wondered if they’d go down on each other or if that would be pushing too far.

Then he stopped wondering as he found himself blanketed by them, their mouths all over his face and neck. The attention to his cock had him well on his way to fully hard and ready to go. Dean opened his eyes to look towards the nightstand for condoms but instead caught on a pair of blue eyes watching him as her sister licked and nipped at his lips.

Wrong.

Wrong blue.

The hardness that had been standing proud seconds ago started to flag.

Swearing, Dean slid out from between their slick bodies and flipped the one that had been watching down onto her back. He tugged her body down and pushed her legs apart. As he sank down between them he looked at the other twin and gestured with his head.

“Why don’t you do me a favor sweetheart and straddle her face.” Dean switched his gaze to the twin whose legs he was currently between. “I want you to eat your sister out for me while I do the same for you, baby. You don’t come ‘til she does.”

Dean could see a moment of hesitation as the girls communicated silently but he ignored it to provide incentive; he finished sliding down and ran the tip of his tongue along the wet slit of Twin number one. She let out a low moan and Dean looked up as he continued to tease with his tongue in time to see her grab her sister’s thigh and tug.

Twin number two took the hint and slid over before she sank down. Dean groaned against Twin one’s folds as he watched her tongue sink deep into the pussy that hovered just above her lips, mouthing furiously at it, clearly in a hurry to get her sister off.

Dean kept up his end of the bargain and ate that pussy like a starving man, his eyes on the action above him the whole time. This was gonna make a killer story the next time Playboy wanted to do an interview.

So hot that Dean rubbed his returning erection against the bedding as they both started climbing to their own peaks. He slowed his ministrations when he felt Twin one getting close and in response she sped up her own.

Twin two had taken to grinding hard against her sister’s face and the moment Dean saw her tense up he landed his own closing blow, sucking hard on the swollen clit he was teasing as his fingers pumped furiously into warm, wet, heat. Both women cried out almost simultaneously with their orgasms and Dean was in fucking heaven.

Then he made the mistake of looking up at the face of Twin two, whose eyes were open and watching him.

Wrong.

Wrong blue.

Wrong wrong wrong.

When Dean’s hard-on started to die again he’d had enough. He didn’t even try to pretend to be a decent human being.

“Okay ladies, y’all got off. Party’s over. Drive safe.”

Dean ignored the confused looks as he made his way to the bathroom and shut the door. He paced in the small space as his dick went from sorta hard to completely soft. He just couldn’t fucking get away from it. Even when he tried to jerk off in the goddamn shower he never came until he pictured those goddamn eyes.

Silence filled the room on the other side of the door and Dean figured the twins must be gone. Jesus, he hadn’t even bothered to remember their names. What the fuck kind of asshole does that. Christ, I practically forced them to commit incest just so I could try and get it up long enough to fuck them. Like they woulda even done that if I wasn’t Dean Fucking Winchester.

A quick check of the room proved Dean right. The girls had taken no time at all to leave and Dean didn’t blame them one bit. Hopefully the fact that he got them off would be enough for them not to run to the tabloids and tell them Dean Winchester couldn’t fuck his way out of a paper bag. Dad would love that.

Fuck him.

Dean tugged his boxers on before he made his way to the desk where he’d left half a bottle of liquor the night before. He polished that off and waited for his brain to go dull and blank.

It didn’t.

Instead, it kept cycling through the night’s events. He kept imagining their hands wrapped around his cock but their eyes kept swapping between right and wrong blue. He’d hear breathy moans as he tongue fucked the beautiful woman beneath him but then they’d change to something deeper and more masculine and suddenly his mouth was full of cock.

On his feet, Dean was staring at the shattered remains of the empty liquor bottle before he even realized he’d thrown it against the wall. Then it was like a floodgate had opened. Every single thing that wasn’t nailed down: He utterly destroyed. Even the mirrors around the room and in the bathroom met with Dean’s fist. Especially the mirrors. Dean couldn’t stand to look into them. To see the face of the fucking idiot who’d let his life become this.

It didn’t take long for pounding on the door to start up. Of course, John was staying at the same hotel so he was there right after the manager. Large checks were written and Dean was moved to a new room. The next half hour was spent with John yelling at Dean but he didn’t hear a word and he didn’t say one either. He was just… done.

The week after that went by in a drunken haze. Most nights he managed to put on a passable performance. Showing up for morning talk show interviews already having knocked back a few probably wasn’t his best choice ever but no one seemed to notice. Or if they did, they chalked it up to ‘rock star’ and laughed off his antics.

Then one of the stupid reporters from some podunk tv show had to ask him about Castiel. Dean laughingly talked about the love sick little puppy from New York. Then went straight to his hotel room and emptied it of every single mini bottle of liquor before going to Sam’s and starting in on his. By the time he’d gone on stage for the concert that night, Sam’d had to help him to the mic under the cover of darkness.

Dean kept screwing up on his guitar riffs because he’d have to reach out to steady himself on the mic stand. He even forgot words he’d sung a hundred times. In the end, the cheering was weak and peppered with boos. Sam helped him offstage, tried to play it off as a brotherly embrace but he wasn’t fooling anyone.

Tucked in by his baby brother, Dean hadn’t ever felt so low. Then he read the papers the next morning. News of his bender had spread quickly. It wasn’t what the reports were saying that bothered Dean. It was the disappointment of his fans. Those kids had paid good money to see him, some of them probably drained their savings, some of them gifts from parents who barely scraped by but wanted to see their kids happy.

So when John started in on his lecture the next morning while Dean nursed a hell of a hangover, he pretended to let John think that he had him cowed. Tiredly, Dean agreed to stop drinking (as much) and that he’d skip out on the MTV appearance at some party down in Cancun where he was supposed to have a couple of days to relax in the sun before he got back to his grueling tour schedule. Instead he’d be flying back to New York and having a nice long sit down with the label and he’d do whatever they wanted him to do to make it up.

Dean just wished part of his penance wasn’t having to breath the same city air as Castiel without being able to hold him and love him.

***

Maybe sobriety really was for the dogs. At least that’s what Dean was thinking as he listened to Zach Adler, his least favorite record exec and the one who currently held the key to Dean’s chains, as he listed off all the ways Dean’d fucked up his and the label's image. At least now he was moving on to how he expected Dean to fix it.

“You get the rest of the day to make sure you’re ready to behave your goddamn self and then you’re starting the circuit. Tomorrow you’re hitting the children’s hospitals. Wednesday you’re working the homeless shelters and I expect to see pictures of you dumping slop onto some little adorable disgusting dirty child’s plate with the biggest smile you can manage. Thursday you’ve got a couple of interviews, during which you will stick to the script about how you’ve seen the error of your ways thanks to a long discussion after your little bender with a small town priest, who’ll be ready to back up your story thanks to a sizeable donation to his coffers. The rest of your day will be spent helping with repairs on some crappy little rundown church in the Bronx. Friday your day will be spent handing out food, blankets and jackets to the homeless in the park and Friday evening you’ll be attending a very expensive benefit concert for the New York Foundation for the Arts.”

Finally, Zach stopped ticking off his list long enough to take a breath. He shifted his glare over to the fourth person in the room before looking back at Dean, clearly unhappy with what he was about to say.

“You’ve got the weekend off because some people think you deserve down time to deal with whatever made you think it was a good idea to tank your fucking career and our sales one bottle at a time. You’ll be getting your schedule for next week on Friday. You’d better be at every single event, smiling and sober as a goddamn judge.”

“C’mon man, don’t you think this is all a little too obvious? I got nothing against the things you got me doing but… might as well send me to some luxury rehab center. At least that’d seem like a genuine damn effort instead of a shitty bid for good press.” Dean said, one last attempt to get out of a city that was suffocating him one breath at a time with the weight of his own damn memories.

“I think Winchester, that no one’s paying you to have a goddamn opinion here. You do what we say, you get the fuck in line and you fix your mess. Like the adult you’re supposed to be. Whatever the hell’s going on with you, you get it under control.”

Just barely Dean managed not to roll his eyes, gritted his teeth instead and nodded vaguely.

And then a soft, familiar, voice interrupted before Zach could continue, “I want a minute alone with Dean.”

“You really think that’s wise, Chuck?” Zach asked, jaw clenched, temper barely held in check. “Not like Dean needs a bigger ego. A little one on one with the owner sends the wrong signal here.”

“Duly noted. Still gonna need that minute though.” Chuck replied.

Dean held back his smirk, he’d always liked that about Chuck. Guy seemed like a pushover until you actually tried to push and then he’d just calmly hand you your own ass without ceremony.

Zach grimaced and Chuck followed it up with, “Now, gentleman.”

John’s face was completely unimpressed, but he silently followed the order. Zach did too, but not before he gave Dean a dirty look that he figured was supposed to make Zach’s displeasure apparent. Like it’d ever been in question.

The door closed behind them and then there was a long tense silence where Chuck just looked consideringly at him before Dean finally broke it, “Hey, man. Long time no see. Been a few years at least.” Dean cleared his throat when Chuck still didn’t say anything, “I uh, I heard you were mostly retired. Wasn’t expecting you to get called in for this… So, what? You gonna tell me all the ways I fucked up too?”

Chuck’s eyebrow raised and Dean shrugged an unapologetic shoulder, “I’ve already heard the same speech twice now. Figured I’d save you the trouble. I get that I messed up here. I do. It’s my fault, my responsibility to fix what I can.”

“I’m not here to tell you what you did wrong, Dean.” Chuck said with a gusty sigh. “I’m pretty sure we all know what triggered your trip down the bottomless bottle. I can imagine what John had to say about that Juilliard kid, what was his name? Castiel?” Dean felt the name like a kick to his chest. It fucking hurt, and he wondered if it would ever stop hurting. Kinda hoped it wouldn’t because he deserved it. He forced himself to nod, expression carefully neutral. “You looked happy in those pictures, Dean. Like I haven’t ever seen you. That wasn’t some little fling, and I can tell you from experience; you’re not gonna forget him overnight.”

Chuck shrugged, face sympathetic, and Dean felt himself deflate, he slumped in his chair, no fight left in him, “I... I love him. Fucked it all up though. He deserves way fucking better than me that’s for damn sure.”

“Because of what John said?” Dean shrugged a little, sure, the doubt John had sown’d played a part, but ultimately the final nail in the coffin’d been his own petty, baseless, jealousy. “Listen, I never had the chance you’ve gotten. I didn’t get to come out like you. Different time, yeah, but I thought it was just a sacrifice I had to make for my career. I missed out on a lot, gave up a lot of people I could’ve been happy with to live my dream, or whatever, and now I don’t even make music. I sit in a damn office, rake in money, and wonder what the hell happened to me. Did you know I haven’t even picked up a guitar in the last year?”

Dean’s eyebrows jumped in surprise, “Now that’s a damn shame. Part of why I wanted to be a singer in the first place was your music.”

Chuck grinned bitterly, “Yeah, I hear that a lot. Except when was the last time you even heard my music?”

“Uh, in my car dude. Like one of the ten tape’s I actually keep in her.” Dean answered with an easy smile.

“Fine, I’ll give you that. Point still stands though, aside from your outdated tape collection, no one gives a damn anymore. Stopped caring when I started taking on a more managerial role and died right out when I couldn’t write anything real anymore. Hard to write about things you don’t understand. That you don’t let yourself feel.”

Dean’s heart lurched, because hadn’t he thought something along the same goddamn lines that last night outside of Castiel’s door. His forehead pressed to the cool wood while he finally, really, first time in his whole damn life, got what every love song and poem were so worked up over. Actually felt it instead of imitating it with some emotion in his voice and a fakely honest look on his face.

“So, what I’m saying is, don’t make my mistakes. Whatever the hell John sold you about sales dipping, or fucking your career. It’s bullshit, Dean. Who the hell cares if we lose a few crazy fans? The good ones, the ones who’re there for the right reasons? They’re not gonna kick you out the door because you found someone you’re happy with. You’re allowed to have a private life, Dean. The fans don’t own you, they’re paying you for your music, not every little piece of you. You think Mary didn’t lose a few loyal fans when she married your dad? Had you and Sam? You think she gave a damn when she did? Your mom loved music. Loved performing even more, and she’d have traded it all for the three of you. If your Dad can’t see that you deserve exactly the same thing, then he’s the idiot, not you.”

“Wasn’t just Dad.” Dean finally grumbled, eyes on the table in front of him. “I fucked things up pretty damn badly all on my own.”

“So, you apologize. You make it up to him. Dean, you try. You don’t just let go when it gets hard. You try harder. And you make sure you don’t do it again. People hurt each other, break each other’s hearts all the time. Why do you think there’re so many damn songs about it? The only way you’ll get past this, is to do whatever you can for him. To make this better for him.” Chuck said passionately, more animated than Dean had ever seen him.

“I-I’ll think about it, Chuck.” Dean said eventually, didn’t know if there was any way Castiel would forgive him even if he did try.

Even if there was, he wished he could believe Chuck. Just toss caution to the wind. If it was just about him he would, in a heartbeat. His career had stopped being more important to Dean the moment he’d realized everything Castiel had given him, everything he’d thrown away, while he watched that car drive off. But it wasn’t just his life. It was Sam’s, who was starting a family with Jess. It was Jo and Charlie who loved everything about their jobs, moreso because they got to do it together. God, what Dean wouldn’t give to have that with Castiel.

It just seemed hopeless.

“Good, alright, so when you go out there, just, I dunno. Tell ‘em I yelled at you and told you to go the fuck home and sit in your room to think about what you did or something.” Chuck said with a smirk.

“Oh, yeah. They’ll totally buy that.” Dean said fondly.

“It’s what I pay ‘em for.” Chuck answered wisely. “I’ll see you around, Dean. And if you ever need someone to talk to give me a call. I’m a pretty good listener if you catch me after a couple beers.”

Dean raised an eyebrow, “Are you drunk right now, Chuck?”

“Would you wanna deal with Zach sober?” Chuck asked with a chuckle.

“If you hate the guy so much, why the hell does he work for you?” Dean wondered.

“He’s good at what he does. Most of the other kids are actually scared of him, unlike you.” Chuck said easily. “Keeps ‘em from going off the rails with a bit of fame.”

“Huh.”

“Alright, I think they’ve been trying to listen at the door long enough. Go on and go home. And Dean?” Chuck said while Dean stood up. “Think about what I said okay. I really don’t want another me walking around here in twenty years.”

“Aww, you’re not so bad, Chuck.” Dean said with a little grin.

“It’s eleven o’clock in the morning and I’m on my third beer. I’ve got a massive migraine and I just came out to someone for the first time.” Chuck said, his eyes on the ceiling like the answer to his behavior was written up there.

“Yeah, but you’re pretty cool. And if you ever pick up a guitar again, I’d love to collaborate with you.” Dean replied, and Chuck’s eyes flashed down to him, almost disbelievingly. Like Dean was the music legend and not him and that, in Dean’s opinion, was kind of fucked up.

“Maybe. If I ever figure my shit out.” Chuck said softly.

“Hey, if I gotta figure mine out, you should too.” Dean said over his shoulder right before he opened the door and walked out.

Chapter Text

All week Dean’d been run ragged. He’d worked on little sleep, no time to decompress at the end of the day when he fell into bed exhausted each night. He figured Zach and John thought if they kept him busy enough he wouldn’t have time to self destruct.

Problem with that was, the stuff they had him doing was emotionally difficult as much as some of it was physical. Dean had loved making the kids at the hospital smile, loved that he got to play with them and cheer them up for a bit. He really hoped his visit was a bright spot in the difficult time they were going through, but it was hard. It just plain sucked that kids were sick, that kids were suffering. There was no way to spin it that was anything less than heart-wrenching.

So Dean had just done what he could: sang for them, read them some books, gave them hugs and took pictures with them so they could show their friends. Didn’t seem like a whole lot, but probably meant the world to some of ‘em. By the time he’d gotten home that night he’d been a wreck, ups and downs all day and he’d fallen restlessly into sleep.

Helping the homeless shelters hadn’t been any easier on him, but he wanted to do it. Wanted to help people who were less advantaged in a more tangible way than a once a year donation. And so, maybe dishing up food wasn’t a permanent solution, but it did help. He could see that in the grateful faces of the people he served and Dean thought, maybe he’d like to do this more often. Without being forced to. Get out and help people who needed it.

He could actually do something good with his money and fame. What if he could make a real difference?

So when Sam called from Cancun right as he pulled his dark navy suit jacket over his crisp white shirt Friday evening, he put him on speaker and floated the idea he’d been entertaining, “Whaddya think, Sam? Could do some good, right?”

“I think it’s incredible, Dean.” Sam told him, happily. “Getting out there yourself is a great idea. Once we get home, I’m right there with you, man. Jess’ll wanna help too. I bet the fans would get involved in helping out some charities too, if we put the idea out there.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Just like that Dean’s mood tanked.

He rubbed his hand over the matching navy material of his suit pants anxiously. Wondered if it was a shitty time for him to talk to Sam about what Chuck had said. It’d been kicking around in his brain all week, and Dean still wasn’t sure what to do. He could’ve really used Sam’s advice, but Sam’d had to take his place at the MTV thing, so Dean had been stuck trying to work everything out on his own. Instead, he’d just gone in circles.

“Dean?” Sam asked, concerned, “Hey, I can hear you thinking all the way from here, what’s up?”

Dean pursed his lips, paused while he wondered if he should wait until Sam got back on Sunday… but, “I miss Cas.”

“I know.” Sam said sympathetically.

“I really fucked up with him, Sam. I, uh, accused him of fucking his friend, and, yeah, turns out Cas was a virgin when we met and I didn’t find that out until after the interview thing with Bela… Plus on top of that Dad’s been on my ass about dating, so I’ve been on all these public dates. It’s all over the papers. He’s gotta hate my guts by now if he didn’t before.”

“Jesus, when Dean Winchester screws up, he goes big.” Sam said. “I was wondering what the hell happened with him. For fuck’s sake Dean, you coulda told me this weeks ago and saved us all a lot of trouble.”

“Yeah, well, kinda hard to admit you’re a giant dickbag to your baby brother.” Dean grumbled as he scrubbed the back of his neck and stared unseeing through the glass wall of his living room.

“Wait, was I supposed to be shocked by that revelation?” Sam joked, and Dean rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, Bitch. I’m serious.”

After a quiet pause, Sam asked, “You think there’s a chance Cas’ll forgive you?”

Dean closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, “I dunno, man, would you forgive me? I probably wouldn’t. I treated him like crap. Didn’t even actually break up with him. I just… let him figure it out on his own.”

“Wow, Dean. That’s kinda low. Lower than usual.”

“Yeah, I know. I was just... so sure about what I saw. I mean, that dbag Michael was so obvious, I couldn’t believe that Cas was that oblivious to it. I shoulda known that he was so certain he wasn’t worth wanting, wasn’t someone people would want to fight for. Instead I just proved that he wasn’t worth fighting for to me.”

“You gotta at least tell him you’re sorry.” Sam said finally. “Even if you don’t think there’s a chance. You gotta make sure he knows it’s not okay that you treated him like that.”

“But what if that makes it worse for him? I already hurt him enough, I don’t wanna make it worse.” Dean answered and his voice cracked with the admission.

The pit in his stomach that he’d learned to live with, suddenly felt heavier, bigger and nausea rolled in his gut. All he wanted was to crawl back into bed, but he couldn’t because he had to make it up to his fans.

“Dean, if you were really his first, it’s kind of important. Shit like that fucks people up. He should know it was you and that he didn’t do anything wrong. Cas seemed like a nice guy. Be a decent human being and apologize.” Sam said, impassioned. “Besides, you’re in love with him and you miss him. Stop being a baby and man the hell up. Do something fucking big, think romance goddamn movie big, Dean, because, gotta tell you: that was one helluva screw up. But I saw the way he looked at you. Trust me when I say, you’ve probably got a shot.”

“Probably got a shot, Sammy? Nice. Nice inspirational speech there. Feeling really hopeful over here.”  Dean mocked, but maybe there was something to what Sam was saying, maybe. “And anyway, even if I ‘probably had a shot’, I got more than just my feelings to consider. There’s you, Jess, Charlie and Jo to worry about too.”

“How exactly?”

“Dad says if I’m off the market sales’ll go way down and he’s right. Remember the backlash after you and Jess got together? Well this’ll be even worse because suddenly we’re all off the market.” Dean admitted.

“Okay, but remember after shit settled? Sales climbed again, yeah, not quite as high, but way above what they fell to.” When Dean stayed quiet he all but confirmed what Sam was thinking. “Let me guess, Dad left that part out of his big speech? You know he’s full of shit, Dean. Long as you make music, people are gonna wanna listen, because you’re fucking talented, man. Don’t let Dad run your life. Bad enough he runs our careers. You deserve to be happy, and fuck, if everything stopped tomorrow, but you got Cas back? Jess, Charlie, Jo and I? We’d be fucking happy for you. So please, please, I’m telling you right now, don’t talk yourself out of this for our sakes.”

“Sam…”

“Just stop rationalizing it. ‘Cause honestly, there’s nothing rational about love. So just stop. Do this, Dean. Because you do deserve to be happy, and Cas sure as fuck deserves it.”

“Yeah, I’ll talk to him. After the thing tonight. I owe it to the fans to give the benefit concert my attention. I fucked up with them too, and I still feel like shit for wasting their time and money like that.” Dean answered.

“Okay, but when I get back on Sunday, I better hear that you talked to him.” Sam said sternly, like he was the older brother in their relationship. As if.

“Yeah, yeah. Have fun. Tell Jess I said hi.”

“She says hi back.”

“... was she listening in the whole time?” Dean asked warily.

“She says no.”

“Ugh, whatever, I gotta go before I’m late.”

“Jess says text us pictures.”

“Yeah, yeah, bye!” Dean called out before he hung up, cheeks red with embarrassment.

It was bad enough he’d spilled his guts to Sam, now Jess’d heard it too. Whatever, he had to finish getting ready, thanks to his little heart to heart chat with Sam he was a bit late, and he knew there’d be people out front of the concert who’d want autographs.

He grabbed his wallet and keys, and then he was out the door. Headed out through the lobby and into the waiting car at the curb. Alone in the backseat, Dean had plenty of time to turn Sam and Chuck’s words over in his mind.

More than anything, he wanted to call Castiel, text him, something. The little spark of hope in his chest was tiny, though, didn’t feel like it would catch before it went out. Delicate, minuscule, but there. Chick flick big, Sam’d basically said, but what could Dean do that he hadn’t already tried when he’d worked so hard to get a first date with Castiel?

Was there actually anything big enough? Even chick flicks had to have their limits, right? Plus, real life wasn’t like movies. Things didn’t always get wrapped up in pretty little hour and a half long bows. Sometimes they fucking sucked, and-

And what if Castiel didn’t forgive him. What then? Would Dean be any more screwed if he tried and it didn’t work out?

Then there was why he was doing this. Did he want to make it up to Castiel for Castiel’s sake? No. It was just the same selfish Dean. He wanted him back and he didn’t care if it would only hurt Castiel more. What if Sam was wrong? What if Castiel was moving on with his life and Dean throwing himself back into it fucked with that?

The issues that they had before the press got wind were still there. Castiel still had a life. Dean still had touring to do. Even if sales tanked he was committed to this entire sold out tour and had already committed to the rest of the year, though his contract would be up for negotiation in the fall.

Before Dean could puzzle out the answer to his own question the car rolled to a stop at their destination and Dean thanked the driver before he got out.

They’d pulled up to a red carpet that was roped off and led straight into the venue. Other attendees were making the leisurely stroll up the carpet, making sure to stop long enough to be photographed. Being seen at this event was the sole reason most of them were even there. Dean supposed that was his reason as well, even though it chafed him to think it.

All day, Dean had been thinking about the charity. It’d started in the park when he was handing out blankets and gift cards. Of course he’d end up near the benches where he’d gotten his first real glimpse of Castiel as well as the last place he’d seen him. That got him to thinking about Castiel and where he would be if he hadn’t been born into a family with money.

Castiel had enough natural talent in him that Dean believed he still would’ve found music and he still would’ve made something of himself. But there was no denying that a majority of the students at Juilliard were from well off families. How many kids out there were born with the talent and the drive to pursue music but couldn’t because of luck of the draw?

Even Dean and Sam had been lucky enough to end up in a family that could support their love of music. Sure, it was John that had insisted they pursue it but the natural talent and love of it? That was all Mary’s genes. And with her name and connections they’d been able to follow their dreams.

The more he’d thought about it in the park as he’d looked at the young kids and adults and wondered who of them could’ve been the next prodigy under different circumstances, the more it frustrated him and made him want to do something about it.

So now, watching all those people that were just there for status, no concern for the charity they were supporting, Dean felt a slow fury build up in himself.

Then he heard it.

Familiar cries of excitement and adoration. The press made up the front rows along the line of velvet ropes but beyond them Dean saw faces that only had eyes for him. Even in the dark and the crowds he could make out eyes shining with excitement and hope that for a brief moment they might brush arms with their idol. He could see hands waving with pens clutched tightly.

Making his way over toward him, Dean saw John, the fakest smile he’d ever seen plastered on his face. Pretty quickly, though, his smile drained away when Dean swung into action. In just a few long strides Dean was at the edge of the carpet. He ignored the calls for his attention by the reporters and stepped over the ropes, then pushed past the reporters to get to the crowd of fans behind them.

Normally he’d have a couple of bodyguards with him for something like this but since he was literally supposed to walk from the car to the venue and back again it hadn’t been necessary. So at first the press of bodies that normally would’ve been kept a respectful few feet away by brawny muscle and steely glares, was a little overwhelming. Dean definitely felt touches that shouldn’t be landing where they were but after a moment he was content to chalk them up as accidental.

His smile, which had been fake too, melted into a genuine one after just a few moments. There were tears and declarations of love, tons of hugs, a few kisses to his cheeks and neck. So many autographs were signed that his hand ached. If the eyes filled with gratitude and dreams fulfilled weren’t enough, then the brief stories of how Dean and the band had inspired people to pursue their own dreams solidified Dean’s reasons for being out there. When did I stop paying attention to all this?

A few times, John tried to pull Dean away but he gave up when he realized that Dean wasn’t budging until he’d signed every single autograph. When he looked up for the next one and was met only with happy faces his hand could have wept for the finish line but Dean hadn’t felt that good in a while.

He was still smiling as John dragged him from the crowd and into the venue. Dean was a little surprised to see that the lobby had all but emptied out. He must’ve been there longer than he’d thought and John confirmed as much.

“Damn it, Dean. It started five minutes ago. You aren’t helping your whole egotistical rock star persona here.”

“Really Dad?” Dean drawled as he affected a bored look. “I thought I was here so the people out there would keep giving you money.”

“Listen to me you little shit. You get a helluva lot more of that money than I do, so don’t try and play that my manager is stealing money from my fans bullshit. Now get in there and look fucking interested.” John said before he shoved Dean through the doors to the auditorium.

Luckily the host of the event was still doing their opening speech so Dean and John were able to slip into their seats unnoticed. John grumbled about them being buried in the middle of the audience where no one would see them but after a reminder from Dean that this was last minute and they’d already been seen outside John settled.

The show actually wasn’t bad. Dean didn’t have to fake his enjoyment. He recognized a few up and coming names in the industry. Just about every genre of music was covered. There were numbers that had the audience tapping their toes and clapping to the beat and there were numbers that had them somber and introspective.

Dean was just settling back into his seat after intermission when the house lights dimmed. Surprisingly, he was actually looking forward to the second half of the evening. Then the lights came up on stage and Dean felt like someone’d just taken a hot poker and shoved it straight through his gut.

On a stool, dressed in black pants and a black button up dress shirt, his cello sitting snugly between his knees, was Castiel. Someone had to know, they had to know, that Castiel would be here.

But it wasn’t just Castiel’s presence that Dean was struggling with. There on another stool, his back against Castiel’s, was Michael, dressed in matching clothes like a goddamn couple on a Christmas card.

All the jealousy that Dean thought he’d dismissed as being baseless came raging back while he watched Michael turn to gently squeeze Castiel’s shoulder and Castiel responded to it by turning and smiling, so softly, at Michael. Dean’d only ever seen that smile directed at him before.

And even though Dean believed that Castiel hadn’t been sleeping with Michael, Dean’s thoughts weren’t baseless. He’d seen what he’d seen when it came to the way Michael looked at Castiel, the things Castiel had told him Michael would say or do.

Then he watched as Castiel leaned further into Michael; pressed every inch of his back against his. Like he couldn’t get enough, needed to touch as much as he could. Dean’s face heated up, and everything he’d been working so hard to get over came crashing down on him, all the self-hate and regret he’d felt lately mixed with the anger that was boiling up in him until he felt like he’d burst under the weight of it.

Damn it. He was too goddamn late. Fuck Castiel. It’d been weeks. If Castiel had felt for Dean even a fraction of what Dean had felt for him, then there was no way he would’ve been able to move on so quickly.

Dean had to get out of there, John and the label be damned. If he didn’t he was afraid he might jump on stage and bash Castiel’s cello right over Michael’s smug fucking face.

(x)

Then Michael began to pluck out the first notes of the song. He played the first few bars alone. And damn it if Castiel didn’t lean in even harder as he clutched his bow and raised it.

When Castiel began to play, Dean found he couldn’t move, rooted in place, he could barely breath. At first it was just his memories that pinned him down, how much he loved to see Castiel just completely lost in his music.

But then Dean looked. Maybe for the first time in too long he truly saw. And what he saw damn near broke him. Those stupid little leans? Michael’s support was likely the only damn thing keeping Castiel up and going. As Castiel drew the music from his strings it poured over the audience, sorrow and abject pain completely enshrouded them. Agony and loss etched in the lines of his face.

The moments that Michael took over the dominant part in the music probably weren’t really much different to the other people in the audience, but to Dean they were worlds apart. Sure, Michael captured the longing, but the sweet ache of Castiel’s playing was missing.

Even though Dean was several rows away he still felt the impact of it when Castiel finally opened his eyes while he was playing. Dean didn’t think he imagined the way they shined, or the delicate spill of tears over his cheeks.

He definitely didn’t imagine the shudder that went through Castiel as he let out a small silent cry when the last notes rang out.

They stood and bowed, and Dean just watched. Watched as Michael wrapped an arm around Castiel and squeezed. Only this time, the sight didn’t bring back the jealousy and anger. Just gratitude. Gratitude that someone had been there to hold together what Dean had shattered to pieces.

Much as it killed him that Castiel was clearly still in so much pain, it didn’t do much to stem the swell of emotion in Dean’s chest.

There was still hope.

***

Castiel had just closed the case of his cello when Balthazar stepped into the small room allotted to the performers to dress and prepare. Already, Michael had finished packing up first so when he saw Balthazar step in and stand to the side of the door, head bowed and hands folded at his waist, Michael gathered his things and said his farewell to Castiel, nodded silently to Balthazar as he passed.

"I remember that song. It's the one you were practicing the day you met... him." Balthazar spoke softly.

Castiel shrugged before he nodded silently.

"I get it now, what you said back then. It was beautiful, but something was missing. Tonight… it was truly a masterpiece… Something I'll remember and feel for the rest of my life. What was it that was missing, Cassie?"

Castiel gripped the handle of his case tightly, unable to look at Balthazar.

"I guess I just hadn't lived enough to do it justice. Just needed to have my heart broken to truly understand the music."

“Oh Cassie," Balthazar said sadly.

"Don't worry about me Balthazar. It's what I've always wanted. Now I can play beautifully and nothing will interfere with my music. Win-win. Turns out Mother was right all along." Castiel said while he resolutely avoided Balthazar's pitying gaze.

Instead he hardened his eyes and lifted his case and without another word left Balthazar behind.

Chapter Text

The next morning dawned bleakly, just like it had every morning since he’d seen the video of Dean with Bela. During the day Castiel did his best to push his feelings down, tried to ignore the painful ache that had settled in his chest, made it hard to breathe right. At night though?

Every memory he’d made with Dean came back to haunt him. Between his own mind analyzing every last interaction as it looked for any sign of deception, something, anything he could've seen at the time, and his unconscious mind supplying him with vivid recollections that mixed darkly with the images of Dean and his various partners; Castiel hadn’t had a decent sleep in weeks.

For a second he just buried his face in his pillow and tried to go back to sleep. He didn’t have a practice planned and it was Saturday. If he wanted to wallow in his own misery, he was allowed that. Just this once.

Except it turned out that Balthazar had other plans. And really, Castiel should’ve seen it coming. Because there was a reason Castiel didn’t have a practice set up for that morning. He’d planned it off ages ago. So when someone knocked firmly on his door, he just groaned into his pillow.

It didn’t matter if he was in the mood for the annual snowball fight with all his friends, he knew he’d end up going. He wasn’t going to let himself wreck a tradition they all looked forward to. So much so that he’d even invited Dean before everything went to hell.

The thought left a bitter taste in Castiel’s mouth, but he rolled out of bed anyway. Pulled on the jeans next to his bed just as Balthazar gave up on knocking and gingerly opened the door.

“I’m sure you’re aware of what today is, Cassie. I know you haven’t been up for much socialization, but, honestly, it’s my job as your best friend to pick you up when you fall and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. So get dressed, get your arse out here for breakfast and then we’ll go throw some snow around like children until everyone’s sore and wet and pathetic. Then we’ll all get ridiculously drunk and that includes you. Step one on the road to curing a broken heart, and you don’t get to opt out.” Balthazar monologued at him, and Castiel let him believe he was convincing him, that he hadn’t already decided to go.

“Alright.” Castiel said simply.

“Now, Cassie, I know you’re having a- wait, did you just say alright?” Balthazar asked, but instead of looking reassured he looked even more troubled.

“Yes, I said I’d go.” Castiel agreed, brow furrowed with confusion when Balthazar’s frown only deepened.

“But you never give in that easily.” Balthazar said with a bit of a pout. “Half the fun is talking you into it.”

For the first time in weeks, Castiel laughed. Instantly, his hand came up to cover his mouth, and the two of them paused for a shocked moment, before they both chuckled. It felt a little wrong to laugh when everything just hurt, but it felt good too. Like even though he was broken, and it might not ever heal, there were still things that could be good.

“Fine,” Balthazar said, amused, “Just be ready to go in ten minutes. We need to be there early enough to find a good spot.”

“Of course.” Castiel agreed with a smile that felt less fake, if only by a little, than the one he’d greeted Balthazar with.

Once Balthazar had let himself out, Castiel dressed quickly in layers, his clothes would be soaked by the time they got back, so he didn’t bother with anything fancy. In the end he settled on thermal underwear, jeans and a dark blue henley. Last minute he pulled on the dark blue and white fair isle patterned hand knitted sweater Balthazar had given him for Christmas.

Not that Balthazar had hand knitted it, he’d just bought it, but it was thick, and warm. Basically ready, Castiel popped into the kitchen area, and grabbed a strawberry pop-tart before he met Balthazar at the door.

“See, ready in under ten.” Castiel said smugly, and then held the poptart between his lips while he pulled on his boots.

“Yes, well, you forgot mittens and a hat.” Balthazar pointed out equally smugly.

Castiel retrieved his pop-tart so he could speak while he rolled his eyes, “Okay, mom.”

“And you should really put on a jacket! You’ll catch your death.” Balthazar shouted after him when Castiel ducked back into his room to grab said mittens and hat.

He wondered if it was unfashionable to mix fair isle patterns, considering the one on his black and turquoise hat was totally different from the one on his sweater. Then he dismissed the thought because he didn’t really give a damn anyway.

“I’ll be fine. It’s not that far and we’ll be running around. Last year I was way too hot in my winter jacket. Worst case, I call a cab after if I’m too cold.” Castiel replied.

“And they’re going to let you in all covered in snow out of the kindness of their hearts?”

“Yes. And the tip I’ll offer.”

“You learn so well.”

Castiel shrugged a shoulder and Balthazar grinned at him excitedly.

“Let’s go destroy our friends, shall we?” Balthazar suggested airily after he opened the door for them.

When they got to the park, instead of groups huddled around hastily built snow forts, they found a crowd gathered together, what must be reporters with cameras at the front, all around a raised stage with pillars wrapped in white christmas lights that were then strung across the top to make a canopy of lights with candles all around.

Castiel’s attention was momentarily captured by the wonder of it, because it certainly hadn’t been there yesterday when he’d gone for a walk on his lunch break.

“What on earth is that?” Balthazar wondered loudly, “Let’s get a closer look.”

Before Castiel could respond, Balthazar had already grabbed onto his arm and was dragging him through the crowd. They were about halfway to the front of the crowd when the first faint strains of a violin started off quietly and gradually grew louder.

Castiel stopped, rooted to the spot as the notes wove a story of loss, despair and regret that squeezed at his heart painfully. So tragically beautiful that tears pricked at Castiel’s eyes, the ache in his chest a steady throbbing mass of pain, felt like something broke open inside him. And he suddenly needed to see who was playing more than he’d ever needed anything in his life, so he pushed his way through the crowd ruthlessly. 

When he broke through, Castiel’s heart stopped and he froze. Tears splashed over his cheeks unchecked because there was Dean, eyes closed, as he moved and swayed to the music, the same violin Castiel had seen Mary Winchester holding in the picture at Dean’s apartment tucked under his chin, sadness and longing in every inch of his face.

And then Dean’s eyes opened, so damn green, shiny with tears that mirrored Castiel’s. All of the walls Castiel had built around his fragile heart, born of betrayal and pain, cracked, shattered in the space between one breath and the next.

The last mournful notes rang out and Castiel’s heartbeat sounded so loud in his own ears, Dean was there. And he shouldn’t be happy about it after what Dean did, but he was, and it hurt and it felt so good at the same time. Confusing and wonderful, and then Dean spoke and the last little bit of resistance in Castiel crumbled.

“Cas… I’m so sorry, baby. I was so fucking wrong and I’m so sorry. I love you. Shoulda- I shoulda told you when I had the chance, but I-” Dean’s voice broke, and Castiel was moving toward him before his brain even fully registered Dean’s words.

Dean dropped the bow and it clattered to the stage, the violin still gripped tightly in his hand like a lifeline as he made his way to Castiel.

They crashed into each other with all the desperation of two people who needed one another. Dean’s free hand cupped Castiel’s cheek a second before their lips met. Castiel’s arms wrapped around Dean’s waist, his fingers dug in with a bruising force as he held him there like if he didn’t hold on tight this might all melt away into another dream gone wrong.

Felt so real though with Dean’s nose cold on Castiel’s cheek. And Castiel’s lips were a little chapped from the winter air, but everything about that kiss was perfect. Every last feeling they had for each other echoed back in the press of their lips and tongues, in the flash of their teeth.

Breathlessly, Castiel whispered into Dean’s mouth, “I love you too, so much.”

“I’m so sorry, Cas.” Dean repeated between kisses, “God, I love you. Need you.”

Completely oblivious to the cameras that flashed around them, Castiel melted into Dean. Love and overwhelmed joy washed away the hurt of the last few weeks, eased the weight on his chest, and he just wanted to stay there with Dean’s lips on his.

A throat cleared next to them, and Balthazar’s voice, way too close for comfort finally broke them apart, “Might wanna take him home, Cassie, before the lovely reporters get unprecedented access to the Dean Winchester, Castiel Novak sex tape.”

Castiel’s cheeks flushed, and he looked up at Dean to see a similar mix of awkward embarrassment on his face too.

“And you.” Balthazar said, finger pointed threateningly at Dean. “You break his heart again, you hurt him in any way whatsoever, and I guarantee they’ll never even look for you.”

Dean swallowed hard, looked between Castiel and Balthazar seriously before he promised, “I won’t.”

“Best not.” Balthazar replied, and Castiel’s chest felt so warm, between Dean being here, wanting him, and Balthazar showing how much he cares about him, Castiel felt overwhelmed.

Like he sensed it, Dean’s thumb brushed over Castiel’s cheek, “Can I- Would you, um, would you come back to my place with me? So we can talk?”

Slowly, Castiel took a deep breath before he wet his lips and nodded, “Yes, I’d like that.”

Dean’s smile then, was so bright that Castiel couldn’t help but kiss him again. Probably wouldn’t ever be able to help himself when it came to kissing Dean.

Somehow they made it out of the crowd, out of the park and to the car Dean had waiting. Dean hadn’t been sure Castiel would be coming with him, but he’d known either way he’d want to get home fast. He just felt so relieved that Castiel was with him, had a million questions for him, but those could wait, because Castiel’s hand in his hair pulled him into a kiss while the driver took off. And nothing in the whole damn world was more important than that.

By the time the car pulled up in front of Dean’s apartment, Dean was panting into Castiel’s mouth, heat and warmth and love all rushed through him and he just needed Castiel alone right now.

Castiel wasn’t faring any better; he was pressed as closely as he could get to Dean without climbing into his lap. Sucked Dean’s lip into his mouth and lapped at it in a perfect tease that made Dean’s blood rush south fast.

Eventually, Dean managed to get them out of the car and into the lobby, but the second the elevator doors closed behind them, Castiel pushed him up against the mirrored wall. Dean didn’t even have time to feel the handrail dig into the back of his thighs before Castiel kissed him breathless again and God, he’d missed the taste of Castiel’s mouth.

Missed the feel of his lips, and the press of Castiel’s body against his. Missed so much more than that though, so when the elevator opened at Dean’s floor, Dean slowed the kiss to a stop, “Slow down, babe. We got all weekend. And… much as I love where this is heading, we do really need to talk first.”

“You’re right,” Castiel breathed; didn’t want to stop, but he did anyway.

He let Dean lead him into his apartment by the hand, and into the living room.

“Drink?” Dean offered almost nervously, like he didn’t know what he was supposed to do now that he actually had Castiel there.

Castiel quirked a lopsided smile as he dropped down to sit cross-legged on the couch facing the middle, “I’m good. You should probably sit.”

Dazedly, Dean did. He unconsciously mimicked Castiel’s position on the opposite side of the couch, and opened his mouth with the intent to apologize again, but what came out instead was, “Why?”

Castiel’s head tilted a bit in confusion, “Why, what?”

Dean blew out a slow breath before he replied, “Why did you forgive me so quick? I, Cas, I fucked up a lot, and you just forgave me? Just like that? Because what? I played a pretty song and said I’m sorry? Especially with how hard you made me work to get you to go out with me in the first place, I’m just… Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful, and I really don’t wanna change your mind here, trust me, but why?”

Castiel raised a disbelieving eyebrow, "Do you think I'm so dumb that I didn't notice?” When Dean just continued to stare Castiel continued “You just confessed in front of the world for me, Dean. The reporters, which I’m certain you tipped off yourself, caught every moment. You did it in front of your friends, your label… your father. Don't think for a second I don't understand what a big deal that was."

A shocked exhale burst out of Dean, eyes wide, and then Castiel’s face was in Dean’s hands without Dean having been aware he’d moved, noticed it a second before he pressed his lips to Castiel’s. Kissed him hard and deep, with every bit of regret he’d stored up inside of himself, “God, I love you. Love you so much. Never should’ve made you feel like that.” Dean murmured softly between kisses. “Shouldn’t have been a big deal. So fucking stupid, I’m so sorry.”

After a while, Dean let Castiel soothe him with passes of his tongue, brushes of their lips together and whispered reassurances. And it felt so fucking amazing to be allowed that again. Dean just wished he had more to give Castiel than apologies, wished there was some concrete way to show him he’d never let himself fuck up that badly again. That he’d try harder, be better, because Castiel deserved that and Dean wanted to be someone who deserved Castiel.

“I wish I’d known you were a virgin.” Dean said quietly once they’d ended up laid out on the couch, wedged together on the plush leather, Dean’s head pillowed on Castiel’s chest and the sound of his heartbeat was a steady reminder that Castiel was really there. “I shoulda made it more special.”

“Dean, I loved losing my virginity to you. I loved the way it happened. It was perfect for us.” Castiel said softly back.

“Yeah, it kinda was. But still… And, uh,” Dean paused, his cheeks burned, so he hid his face against Castiel’s chest. “Spirit of honesty? That first time with you… was sorta my first time too.”

“You- but you-”

“You were my first too, I guess.” Dean said warmly. “For that anyway.”

There was a quietness between them then that lasted for long comfortable minutes until Castiel spoke again, “We’ve- I’ve still never, um, been fucked. That way, either. When you were… gone. I thought, briefly, about finding someone to do it just so someone else would get one of my firsts, because... I guess it doesn’t matter, I didn’t do it because I realized I just wanted you.”

“It matters, Cas. I hurt you really badly. If I could take it back, I would. I was such an idiot.” Dean said, tilted his head back to look into Castiel’s perfect blue eyes so that he could see Dean meant it.

Castiel hesitated a moment and then, “Can I just ask… What did I do? Was it the pictures in the paper or the performance with Michael? At first I thought it was because you really did think I was just a charity case, but then, well-”

“You didn’t do a damn thing wrong, baby.” Dean cut him off. “No matter what, you gotta know that. I’m the one who screwed up. I was already off that day, once you told me about the pictures. And Dad, well, he really didn’t help, but I was basically ready to tell him to fuck himself. I wanted to tell you first though, and…”

“And you saw me on stage with Michael, playing on one cello.” Castiel finished with a frown. “You thought I was keeping it a secret?”

Dean grimaced, “You were kinda all over each other, Cas. And I was already upset, didn’t take much for me to rethink everything. I was jealous and angry, but it wasn’t your fault. It just- If you were cheating on me, then I was throwing away my career, my family, for nothing… And there I was ready to tell you I loved you. Michael just looked at you, and I thought, he deserved you more than I did anyway. Seemed obvious I wasn’t enough for you-”

“You were going to? That night?” Castiel asked, hurt all over his face and Dean wanted to kiss it away, wanted to do something.

“It’s why I was there.” Dean replied simply, honestly. “I get it now though. I saw it… at the benefit concert-”

“You were there?!” Castiel almost sat up in surprise but Dean tightened his grip to keep him close. Was never gonna let him get away again.

“Yeah, I… I dunno if you saw much of anything I was up to.” Dean said while shame spiraled in his gut.

“I didn’t… after Bela I… I couldn’t anymore.” Castiel said, his own grasp on Dean’s shirt tightened.

“I should probably tell you… more full disclosure-”

“No, Dean. I don’t… you don’t need to tell me. We weren’t together anymore.”

“Cas, please. I need to.” Dean pleaded as he ran a gentle finger along Castiel’s jaw.

“Okay.” Castiel said reluctantly as he braced himself for the hurt.

“There were… a lot. Pretty much every night. Dad insisted of course. Look available again, Dean.” Dean said mimicking John. “But the thing is… What was in the papers? That was it. Yes I kissed a lot of people. Touched a lot of people. But only for the cameras. Once the cameras were gone that was it. I brought them home, or to their hotel, gave them cab money. Then I went to bed alone.”

“Even Bela?” Castiel asked surprised.

“Especially Bela. We got up to her place and she took one look at me and told me she was going back to her room. Said if I ever stopped being completely gone on you to give her a call but she wasn’t gonna fuck someone who didn’t really wanna fuck her. Turns out she’s not as low as I thought.”

“So you’re saying you changed your mind about that threesome?” Castiel asked with a smirk.

“No!” Dean said and gave Castiel a playful shove.

“Anyway, a couple a things happened at once. It was kinda… pointed out to me that I was developing a type. Lotsa different dates but they all had the same dark hair and blue eyes. Got so bad the fans started trying to copy it. Next thing that happened was Dad found out I wasn’t actually screwing these people. Even though he said I just had to make it look good for the press I guess he assumed I’d just slipped back into my old pattern. So he cornered me one night and told me I’d better start fucking around again… even said he didn’t care if I was taking it up the ass…”

“Jesus, what kind of parent… you know, never mind. If Naomi thought it would improve social standing she’d have me riding every dick from here to China.” Castiel said with a sad shake of his head.

“Well, of course I’m too much of a loser to tell Dad no, not to mention I figured shit was over for good between us, that I’d screwed up too badly. Also thought you’d probably moved on, saw some picture of you and Michael-”

“Dean-”

“I know, I know. It was just my own fucked up head. Anyway I went out and found these twins. Twins man. And they were perfect. Gorgeous bodies, great tits, this soft dark hair, pretty blue eyes. So I brought them back to the hotel and… and they were making out with each other while they jacked me off and I mean, it was just kinda playful, they were obviously doing it for me. But then one of ‘em looked at me and her eyes… wrong color. Dude, I…” Dean’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment, “I started to go soft. It was so fucking embarrassing. So I decided to push for it, something no guy into chicks could watch and not get off on. I.. Is this too much Cas? I don’t have to-”

“Oh no Dean, keep going. This’ll be great for the next time we have a fight and I need to jerk off alone.”

“Cas.” Dean groaned, a hand over his face.

“No seriously Dean, you should send this in to Penthouse.”

“Sometimes it’s scary how alike we actually are.” Dean said as he looked at Castiel fondly through the spread of his fingers.

“What?”

“Nevermind. Anyway so I… reposition and get ready to go down on one of ‘em. Right before I do I tell the other one to sit on her sister’s face. I could tell… it, uh, was more than they wanted to do… So, the ass that I am, I tell the one whose legs I’m between that she doesn’t get off ‘til her sister gets off and start teasing her. And they do it… god it was hot. Then just when they get off one of ‘em looks at me again.”

“Yes Dean, people do occasionally look at the people they’re having sex with.” Castiel said dryly.

“Yeah, I know but… her eyes were still wrong. After all that, I still started to go soft. So I basically kick ‘em out. Here’s your orgasm, what’s your hurry. I lost it. I guess I realized I was never gonna get over you. Every other person was always gonna have the wrong color eyes.”

“I hope you want me for more than just my eyes.”

“You know what I mean asshole.” Dean growled. He continued, tried to rush through the rest, “I got shit faced and trashed the place. Started drinking… a lot. Then some interviewer asked about you and I left. Got so completely wasted that I could barely perform at the concert. Sammy literally had to walk me on and off the stage. It was… awful. Next day, Dad read me the riot act but it didn’t matter… I’d fucked up again, this time I hurt my fans. I knew I had to fix it. They pulled me from the Cancun thing and instead I came back here to do charity rounds for image repair.”

Dean took a breath, breathed in slow and then went on, "That night, I didn’t know you were gonna be there. Then I saw you and Michael together again, touching again and I started to get pissed. But then I looked… really looked for once. You were so beautiful, your music… so beautiful. And so fucking hurt. I felt like ripping my heart outta my chest and laying it at your feet right then. Instead, I decided on the metaphorical route. Gotta tell you, I was pretty scared you’d tell me to go to hell, even with all the reporters watching. Glad you didn’t.”

After a few moments of quiet Castiel shifted a little and Dean realized the look on his face was one of guilt.

“In the interest of full disclosure,” Castiel echoed Dean’s earlier words. “You weren’t entirely wrong. I don’t know why I never saw it… or maybe believed what it was, but you were right about Michael. After Bela- When things calmed down again.... He… he kissed me. And I kissed him back.”

Dean felt a sharp stab in his chest that he knew was completely unreasonable, unfair. So he stayed silent to let Castiel continue.

“I wanted to want him. Wanted to get over you. And he and I made sense. But… the way he kissed wasn’t the same, the way he sounded was wrong.”

“Guess we might be stuck with each other if everyone else is always wrong.” Dean said softly, though his tone was still a little strained.

“You’ve got to know though, Michael… he’s a good guy. He never once made a move on me while he knew I was dating someone. Then when he found out about us… he was happy for me. That’s when I’m guessing that picture you saw was taken. When… when we kissed, he was the one that put a stop to it. He knew my heart wasn’t in it. I… I probably would’ve slept with him if he hadn’t. Thought it was what I should do. But he… you’re right about that performance. It… it was very hard for me but Michael was there.”

“Thanks for telling me Cas. It… it helps a little to know it wasn’t all in my head. Although, Michael’s kinda hot. What are his thoughts on threesomes?”

Castiel smacked his palm hard against Dean’s chest and glared at him for a brief moment before they dissolved into laughter, both grateful for the break in tension.

When they finished they laid back on the couch again, completely emotionally and physically spent. Dean trailed a light touch along Castiel’s arm, meant to soothe. But the way Castiel started to squirm concerned Dean.

“You okay, Cas?”

“I…” Castiel stopped and sighed. “I haven’t gotten off since that night… I tried a couple of times but couldn’t… uh, couldn’t finish. You touching me like that… it’s… it’s-”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Dean whispered as he leaned down to brush a light kiss over Castiel’s lips.

Despite his exhaustion, Castiel’s breaths quickened when Dean slid his tongue hot and wet along the seam of his lips, slipped his tongue inside. Twisted and tasted every inch of Castiel’s mouth, spiraled hazy-soft pleasure all through him. It took all of Castiel’s considerable concentration just to try and keep up with Dean.

At the same time, Dean’s hand dragged slowly down his chest, warm and firm until he cupped Castiel’s hard cock through too many layers of clothing, squeezed gently and fucking hell, felt so good.

Pressure and friction that spiked up Castiel’s arousal and made him rock up into Dean’s hand. He wanted- ah, wanted to make Dean feel just as good, so he tried to shift and press his hand against Dean’s cock, tired arm clumsy until Dean intercepted his reach and laced their fingers together, rested them up by Castiel’s head.

“Shh.” Dean murmured when Castiel made a small noise of protest. “It’s okay, baby. Just let me take care of you.”

So warm and sweet that Castiel couldn’t do anything but comply. Easily, he relaxed back into the cushions of the couch and let Dean do just what he’d said he would. Melted into it when Dean trailed sucking kisses over his jaw, down his neck.

Then Dean peeled off Castiel’s shirts and laid him out on the couch again. Gently scraped his teeth over Castiel’s collarbone, licked his way down to Castiel’s nipple and circled it firmly before he sucked it into his mouth. Small bursts of pleasure sparked in Castiel, made his cock throb with need, leaked precome into his underwear.

Little sexy grunts and gasps fell from Castiel’s lips and Dean ached with it. So fucking hot, but this was about Castiel, so Dean pushed aside his own arousal and leaned back on his knees. Worked Castiel out of his pants, smiled lopsided at the thermal underwear Castiel wore before he got those off too, along with Castiel’s boxer briefs, “Jeez, Cas, got enough layers on?”

“I was supposed to be in the middle of a snowball fight, right now. Which I assume is why you set up the stage where you did.” Castiel replied, faintly amused. “Got awfully lucky. What would you have done if I’d decided not to go?”

Dean looked dumbfounded for a minute, like the idea of Castiel not doing something he’d said he was going to was a totally foreign concept, “No fuckin’ idea. I’m sure I’d have figured out a way to get you there. Probably.”

“Hmm, good thing you didn’t have to.” Castiel said with a warm smile that Dean leaned in to taste lazy-slow.

He pulled back again with a smirk when Castiel shifted uneasily beneath him, his body practically begged Dean to touch. So, Dean moved back a bit on the couch and leaned down lick a slow stripe from the base of Castiel’s cock to the tip and back down again.

Sucked his lips along the underside of it a few times and Castiel’s gasps were like fire under Dean’s skin. He flicked his tongue over the head, and dipped it into the slit before he finally took Castiel’s cock into his mouth and sucked it all the way down.

Slick, wet heat and tight suction engulfed Castiel’s cock; felt amazing and hot, and God, Dean was good at that. He set up a slow rhythm that built up pleasure like liquid ecstasy in Castiel’s gut. Every flicker of Dean’s tongue made Castiel’s hips twitch involuntarily, and punched hot little moans out of him.

The obscene sound of Dean sucking Castiel’s cock filled the room, and Dean fucking loved it. He’d always loved sucking cock, always gotten off on pleasing his partner like that. Loved the weight on his tongue and the salty, musky, taste.

It’d been so long since Castiel had felt that tightening of his body, and the tension was perfect and so damn good that his breath caught on the way out. Instantly, his hands moved to Dean’s hair, tugged a warning, but Dean just redoubled his effort.

“Dean, fuck, I-I, oh, fuck.” Castiel groaned, so hot that Dean had to palm himself through his pants.

Everything stopped for a moment, suspended, and then Castiel came hard, spurted warm come into Dean’s mouth with a stuttered version of Dean’s name breathed out harshly.  Weeks of pent up frustration, craving and need drained away and Castiel floated bonelessly in the wake of his orgasm. Too worn out to even open his eyes when Dean kissed him, much less kiss back.

Dean smiled against his lips, “Take a nap, baby, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Then Dean’s body pressed back against his side while Dean’s fingers carded through his hair, and Dean’s lips against his forehead all conspired to lull Castiel into a much needed sleep. Safe, warm, loved, he let himself.

Chapter Text

Awareness slowly returned to Castiel, and he realized Dean must’ve gotten up after he’d fallen asleep because the two of them were covered in a thick soft blanket. He yawned quietly, and blinked awake, tried to stay as still as he could so he wouldn’t wake Dean, but he really needed to pee and his stomach twisted with hunger.

Which wasn’t surprising considering the room was dark and it’d only been mid-morning when they’d gotten back to Dean’s apartment. Still, he didn’t want to lose the reassuring weight of Dean half on top of him, so he tried not to shift too much.

Finally, though, there was no getting around the fact he needed to get up, “Dean?”

“Mmm?” Dean mumbled sleepily while he rubbed his face adorably into Castiel’s chest.

“Dean, I have to use the washroom.” Castiel informed him, but Dean just held tighter and Castiel sighed at the surge of warmth the gesture unleashed in his chest. “I know you’re comfortable, and I don’t want to move either, but I need to pee.”

Dean grumbled and sleepily rubbed his eyes, but he stood up to let Castiel out, looked slowly up Castiel’s naked body before his barely open eyes settled on Castiel’s face, “Hungry?”

Castiel smiled fondly at Dean, “If you’re trying to ask if I’m hungry, then yes. Maybe we could order in?”

Dean grunted something unintelligible and collapsed back onto the couch with a groan. Castiel rolled his eyes, and grinned before he headed to the bathroom.

God, he has a perfect ass, Dean thought sleepily. After he palmed his half-hard dick absently for a second, Dean managed to get himself off the couch and wandered into the kitchen. Yawned and scratched his belly as he searched the fridge for something edible and came up with eggs, mushrooms, and cheese. Omelettes it was. Oh, and there was a package of bacon in there too, perfect.

Sure, Dean could’ve done what Castiel had suggested and ordered something in, but they were hungry now, and besides, he still needed to make it up to Castiel. Breakfast in the middle of the night seemed like as good a place as any to start.

When Castiel found him in the kitchen, Dean’s grey sweatpants slung low on his hips, he was already slicing the mushrooms he’d washed and bacon was sizzling in a pan.

Dean glanced over at him and almost cut his own finger, thankfully just missed but wow. He definitely had a thing for Castiel in his clothes. Because, goddamn did Castiel ever look hot. Not to mention it did all sorts of things to Dean when he noticed the beads of moisture that slid down Castiel’s skin from damp hair.

“Hope you don’t mind.” Castiel said with a sheepish shrug. “I was feeling a little gross. Balthazar didn’t give me time to shower this morning and I ah… wasn’t expecting to have anyone close enough to be bothered by it so I didn’t argue.”

“No problem, Cas. My place is your place.” Dean said before he started to smirk. “Though if it makes you feel better I think you smelled... and tasted, pretty damn good.”

Castiel flushed darkly and quickly changed the subject to what he saw Dean was making, “Omelettes?”

“Yeah. That okay with you?” Dean replied and the amusement his voice clearly indicated his enjoyment of the pink that flooded Castiel’s face.

“It’s perfect. To be honest though, I’d probably have said the same thing if you offered me dry cereal. I’m famished.” Castiel admitted with a smile.

“Shouldn’t be long.” Dean said.

After a second’s hesitation, Castiel crossed the space between them and wrapped himself around Dean’s back. Buried his face in the crook of Dean’s neck and breathed deep, “I missed you.”

“Cas, baby, you weren’t gone long.” Dean said with a laugh.

“No, not then.”

Dean let go of the knife and turned in Castiel’s arms, cupped his face in his hands and looked in his eyes, “I missed you too. And I promise it’s not gonna happen again. Pretty sure you’ll have to kill me to get rid of me at this point, Cas.”

A small smile tugged at the corners of Castiel’s mouth and Dean grinned, “It’s funny you think I’m kidding.”

A laugh bubbled up in Castiel’s chest and Dean chalked it up as a win, kissed Castiel’s smile and turned back to finish up. He loved how Castiel stayed there, chin tucked over his shoulder, arms around his waist while he worked.

Later, after they’d eaten and Dean had thrown the dishes in his dishwasher they’d ended up in Dean’s bed, cuddled close, fingers laced while they talked and spent time together. When Castiel grew quiet Dean knew he had something on his mind, something that made him a little nervous.

“Penny for your thoughts Cas.” Dean said while he rubbed Castiel’s shoulder gently with his free hand which was attached to the arm currently acting as Castiel’s pillow.

“I was just thinking…” Castiel’s hand gradually drifted, his fingers slid silky soft over bare skin as they traveled toward the waist of Dean’s sweatpants.

When they reached the edge of exposed skin Castiel hesitated before he slipped them beneath the fabric. It was probably the first time Dean had really seen Castiel be unsure of anything when it came to sex, something that shouldn’t surprise him now that he knew Castiel had no experience prior to fucking him.

Still, the instant Castiel’s fingers wrapped around Dean’s slowly awakening cock, Dean sucked in a breath through clenched teeth.

“I was thinking... I’d like you to take my last first now... sexually speaking that is.” Castiel said at a near whisper as he began to move his hand slowly along Dean’s length.

“Pretty sure you’ve got a few firsts left, babe. I think I get what you’re talking about, though, but, Cas.” Dean paused as he reached down to cover Castiel’s hand over the fabric of his pants, stopped the motion. “We don’t have to do this. Not everyone’s into it, ya know. I mean, I’d love to fuck you. Don’t get me wrong, but I love having you fuck me just as much.”

“Thank you for that Dean. I appreciate it. But-” Castiel took a breath and Dean very much enjoyed it as color crept up Castiel’s neck before it spread to his face. “I want to feel you inside me. I… I might only want it this once, I really don’t know. But I won’t until we try, right? Plus… I… I want you to mark me as yours, Dean.” Castiel wet his lips before he continued to speak, “Touch me where no one ever has before, fill me with your come.”

Regardless of the fact that Castiel hadn’t moved his hand at all Dean still felt his cock fill swiftly and harden against the fingers that circled it. Jesus Christ, did Castiel not hear himself? It took everything in him not to flip Castiel over and take him right then and there. Dean was determined though, that this time he was gonna do things right, make it special. Which made Castiel’s next words especially difficult.

“Please, Dean.” Castiel pushed up to whisper hotly against Dean’s ear. “Make me yours.”

There was just no way for Dean to resist that, “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

Dean’s lips caught Castiel’s in a slow, sensual kiss. He took his time, stoked the heat inside of Castiel with gentle, deep sweeps of his tongue and soft suction. Kissed Castiel like he was memorizing every spot that made him sigh breathily or arch against him. Like he wanted to relearn everything that made Castiel tick in a whole new way. 

Slowly, Castiel’s legs parted to make room for Dean, and Dean shifted between them. He braced his forearms on either side of Castiel’s head, slotted their bodies together and pressed his hips down to grind lazily against Castiel. Their hot breaths mingled as Dean deliberately dragged their hard cocks together through the thin material of their sweatpants. Friction perfect and so fucking good.

Dean placed his weight onto one arm and slid his free hand softly down Castiel’s thigh from his hip all the way to his knee. Pulled Castiel’s leg up to wrap around his waist and ground down more firmly against him.

Pleasure steady and slow built in Castiel, and he groaned, pushed into it. Felt so different from the fast climb he was used to with Dean. In contrast, this time, everything felt heavy and so laden with emotion that Castiel’s chest swelled with the depth of his feelings for Dean. Love and want, need and desire all mixed up in a warm blanket of emotion that rocked Castiel to his core.

Dean’s hips circled and Castiel gasped into his mouth, felt his cock throb in response and fuck, it was good. Gently, Dean’s teeth tugged at Castiel’s bottom lip as he pulled back, released it with a scrape that drew a moan from Castiel, low and hot.

In a flutter of dark lashes, Castiel’s blue eyes opened just in time to watch as Dean slowly removed his borrowed sweatpants. So sexy when Dean pulled his own down too, tossed both onto the floor and crawled back up his body. Bare slick skin brushed his and Castiel panted with it. Loved how it felt to let Dean take the lead for once, but fuck, he wanted Dean so badly. Wanted to feel Dean inside of him.

Hot and wet, Dean’s lips ran the length of Castiel’s neck from the crook of it all the way up the sensitive spot under his ear where Dean stopped to lick and suck a bruise before he bit down just hard enough to leave marks with the points of his teeth. The moan that burst out of Castiel while he did it sent a hard rush of heat right to Dean’s dick, precome beaded at the tip and dripped down onto Castiel’s as Dean shifted his hips to rub them together.

Skin like hot slick velvet brushed teasingly over Castiel’s cock and finally snapped his restraint, “Dean- I get.. that you’re trying to, fuck, take things slow here, but if you don’t get your fucking fingers inside me, I’ll tie you to the damn bed and finger myself while I make you watch.”

“Fuck, why is so hot when you swear?” Dean wondered, seriously, did Castiel not hear himself?

“It’s funny you think I’m kidding.” Castiel said, an echo of Dean’s earlier teasing words only much darker than when Dean had said them.

Dean’s eyes widened just slightly, because hot as the idea was, he wanted to do this himself. He wanted to be the one who made Castiel feel good, so he kissed the mark he’d left on Castiel’s neck, before he leaned back with a smirk, “Another time, sweetheart.”

Without warning, Dean flipped Castiel over onto his stomach in a show of strength that unexpectedly ratcheted up Castiel’s arousal. Then he lifted Castiel’s hips up, positioned him exactly how he wanted him; ass in the air. So fucking hot Dean had to bite his bottom lip and give his aching cock a few quick pumps of his fist just to take the edge off.

Warm hands spread Castiel’s cheeks and a breath stuttered out of his lungs the second before Dean’s tongue slid hot and slick over the puckered skin of his rim. Broad, slow strokes of Dean’s tongue that shot off sparks of unanticipated pleasure in Castiel. He’d expected it to feel weird or uncomfortable when Dean eventually pressed the tip of his tongue inside, but it just felt so good.

Different, for sure, a little strange, but so fucking hot, and Castiel moaned with it, grunted out heated breathy moans with each flicker and curl of Dean’s tongue inside him. Painstakingly slowly Dean worked his tongue further inside Castiel’s hole, loved the way Castiel responded by rocking absently back into it. Almost desperate for more. Mark that down as something Castiel fucking loved.

“God, Dean, your tongue. Fuck, feels so good.” Castiel breathed.

Dean paused what he was doing just long enough to smugly say, “See, baby, told you there were still a few firsts.”

And then he dove back in before Castiel could reply, slid his tongue in deep and swirled it. Anything Castiel had been about to say was lost in a drawn out moan of Dean’s name. The slick sound of suction when Dean sucked along Castiel’s rim echoed indecently loud in the room.

Hot as fucking hell, and Castiel gasped at the combination of sound and sensation. He shuddered around Dean’s tongue when it fucked back into him again and again. Felt so good, and Castiel thought he might come just from this, if Dean didn’t hurry up.

“Dean,” Castiel groaned hotly. “You need, ah, you need to- so good. I need, please-”

Dean pressed a lingering kiss to Castiel’s hole and then drew back with a last flick of his tongue over the rim, “S’okay, babe. I know what you need.”

Soothingly, Dean ran his hand up Castiel’s back as he leaned over him to reach the nightstand, and Castiel let out an explosive breath when Dean’s hard cock slid along his crack, so fucking sexy.

And then Dean was back between his legs again, bottle of lube in one hand. The click of the cap sounded starkly in the quiet, and Castiel’s nerves flashed like little tingles in his stomach. Dean’s hand rubbed gently over Castiel’s ass, tried to calm him back down after he noticed the sudden tension in him.

“Hey, we’re gonna go slow, and anything happens you don’t like? We stop. Okay?” Dean assured him.

“Can we- I want to see you, um-”

God, Castiel was adorable like this, Dean cut him off before he could finish though, didn’t wanna make him even more nervous, “Yeah, of course we can, baby.”

He shifted back, made room for Castiel to roll over and then once he’d turned, Dean laid down next to him before he pulled Castiel’s leg up over his hip to give himself room to work. He slicked up his fingers generously and leaned half over Castiel. Caught his lips in a deep kiss meant to distract him with the slick slide of Dean’s tongue while he positioned his hand back between Castiel’s legs. Slowly dragged the pad of one finger around Castiel’s hole until Castiel writhed and begged with his body. Until he panted hot pleas into Dean’s mouth.

Then Dean slipped his finger in, so slow, and fuck, Castiel was so tight and hot inside, he couldn’t wait to slide his cock into all that heat except, yes, he could. Because he needed to go slowly, make this good for Castiel.

A sexy breathy moan echoed in Castiel’s chest when Dean’s finger pressed all the way in up to his knuckle. Different than his tongue, and a bit uncomfortable, but he loved the feeling of pressure, of Dean filling him up.

“Good?” Dean asked softly against Castiel’s lips.

“So good.” Castiel replied just as soft, eyes on Dean’s. And then Dean moved, his finger thrusted shallowly, and, “Oh!”

“Might feel a little weird at first, but you get used to it.” Dean said while he rubbed another finger over the stretched skin of Castiel’s rim, added slow pressure until it slipped in too and a gasp of air broke free from Castiel’s lungs at the slight sting of muscles unused to being stretched so far. “And this next part? I promise you’ll fuckin’ love it.”

Dean’s fingers crooked inside him and Castiel’s back arched, his head fell back, eyes squeezed shut as pleasure like jolts of heat shocked him and stole his breath. Dean pressed more firmly against his prostate, rubbed over it and Jesus fucking Christ, it felt amazing.

Didn’t take long for Castiel to start rocking his hips into it. Gasped Dean’s name in a kiss when Dean pressed a third finger slickly in alongside the other two, burn of it lost quickly in the rush of pleasure when Dean brushed over his prostate again. Castiel’s cock throbbed with need, so hard and swollen that it leaked precome in a little tiny rush when Dean spread his fingers inside him.

“Dean, oh my God!” Castiel moaned, felt heat pool in gut and skirted so fucking close to his orgasm that he had to clamp down on the sensation, muscles locked up tight. “If, ah, if you don’t stop. I’m- I think I’ll come.”

“Shit.” Dean breathed, “Cas, that’s so fucking hot.”

Castiel inhaled frantically, “No. No, I don’t want to yet.”  

Softly, Dean pressed a kiss to Castiel’s shoulder while he stilled his fingers, “Okay, it’s okay. I’ve got you.”

With careful slowness, Dean withdrew his fingers. He drizzled more lube over them so he could slick up his cock, then smeared the excess around Castiel’s rim, dipped inside to spread more there too. Wanted to make sure Castiel was wet and comfortable as he could be.

Dean slipped his arm under Castiel’s head and pillowed it. Tugged Castiel more firmly against him, and lifted Castiel’s leg higher on his hip before he reached down and lined his cock up with Castiel’s hole.

Castiel kept his eyes on Dean’s while Dean steadily pushed into him; slow and easy, but it still shocked a groan out of him. Lips parted, puffy pink, cheeks flushed red, and blue eyes so wide. Dean held his breath until he bottomed out, and his teeth dug into his lower lip for a second because it felt so fucking awesome.

“Doin’ okay, baby?” Dean asked, once he’d gotten his brain to cooperate, which was holy shit hard, because Castiel was hot and tight around Dean’s very hard, very needy, cock.

“Mmm.” Castiel hummed, “Just, feels…”

“Overwhelming?” Dean asked, worried. “Bad, good, weird? Gotta gimme something to work with here, Cas.”

“Not bad…” Castiel trailed off a little unsurely, “Interesting?”

A smirk curled Dean’s lips, “I can work with interesting.”

Dean slid his hand up Castiel’s thigh, wrapped it around his cock and pumped it a few times while he started up slow rolls of his hips. A rush of breath left Castiel’s mouth and he grunted into it when Dean slipped his tongue hotly in his mouth, brushed their lips together in a messy-sweet kiss.

Dean’s thrusts were deep, purposeful, and Castiel felt so good, new, full. With Dean’s fist tight around his cock where it matched the rhythm of Dean’s hips, slick with precome and the remnants of lube, Castiel knew he wouldn’t last.

Gradually, Dean picked up speed. Used his arm around Castiel’s shoulders for leverage and pulled him into it. Castiel arched just right and a flash of pleasure ignited, pooled fire in his gut.

“Dean. Dean. Ah, ah-” So close, Dean’s hand and his cock and his hot mouth all worked Castiel higher, fast.

“Fuck, Cas, you feel so fucking, good.” Dean groaned, rocked just a little harder. He could feel the way Castiel was tensing up, how close he was getting. Sped his hand up on Castiel’s cock and twisted over the head of it.“So fucking hot. Tight. I bet when you come on my cock, it, oh fuck, gets even tighter.”

“I- I, Dean.”  Castiel groaned, body restless against Dean’s, his hand in Dean’s hair pulled him brutally into a kiss, and just as Dean’s tongue curled around his Castiel came with a long moan.

Spilled hot pulses of come up his chest and over Dean’s hand. Clenched around Dean in waves while Dean rocked him through it. It didn’t take long after that for Dean to make his own rapid climb. Felt too fucking good with Castiel’s ass so tight around his cock.

He grabbed onto Castiel’s thigh for a little extra pull and pushed in harder, so goddamn close. And Castiel was letting out these breathy soft sighs that turned Dean on so fucking much. Burned into his memory, they were so fucking hot.

His hips stuttered and Castiel bit down on his lower lip just hard enough for a bright flare of pain to light up the pleasure that was already gathered in Dean’s gut. So goddamn hard, Dean came inside Castiel.

Wet heat flooded into Castiel in gushes, and he whimpered into Dean’s mouth; a quiet, satisfied sound that was so sexy Dean groaned back. Long, long minutes dragged by with Dean still buried inside Castiel’s warm body, softening while they lazily kissed, both enjoying the liquid warmth of their afterglow.

After a while, Dean sighed regretfully and carefully withdrew his cock. Smiled warm and gentle at Castiel, “So, how was that?”

Castiel leaned up so catch Dean’s lips in a kiss, whispered good and I love you so much into the space between their lips when he pulled back.

Dean hummed, satisfied when Castiel dropped his head back onto the pillow, then grimaced when he looked down their bodies, “Shower?”

“Yes, please.” Castiel agreed emphatically.

Chapter Text

“Seriously Dean?”

“What, Sam? Not my fault you went and got nosy. ‘Sides, not like this is even the most out there thing you’ve ever found out about, heck you’ve watched worse.” Dean said as he squirmed once again before adjusting the strap of his guitar.

“One minute guys.” The stage manager said, then moved on to the next wing of curtains to let the girls know.

“Speaking of which… uh… make sure you don’t look stage right at all when I go off stage. If you do… don’t blame me.”

“Dean.” Sam said warningly. “What are you-”

Whatever Sam was saying got lost in the roar of the crowd as the jumbo screen that made up the back of the stage lit up, the band’s cue to take their places. Before Sam could waylay him, Dean jogged out to his mic, very, very, gingerly. His eyes landed on the stage right wing and he couldn’t help but squirm again, had to adjust the bulge in his jeans the best he could as Castiel watched him, hungry and damn near ready to storm the stage.

Forcefully, Dean made himself clear his thoughts before he turned back toward the audience. The stage was suddenly lit up brighter than noon in the middle of summer and the crowd was damn near deafening. As Sam tapped out the beat with his sticks, Dean had just a moment to contemplate the stupid words that’d gotten him into this situation.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I really wanted to do something big… Take you to Paris for a week or something. If this damn concert hadn’t already gone on sale I’d cancel it in a heartbeat.”

“Dean, it’s the beginning of my last year of school. I already told you I wouldn’t be able to take time off as it is. I’m happy just to fly out Friday night to spend the weekend with you. I’m your biggest fan and I get to spend my birthday backstage at your concert. Besides, it’s not like I did anything big for your birthday this year.”

“Dude, we were only back together for like a week. Besides, five orgasms in one day ain’t small and watching you walk funny for days after what you let me do to you was gift enough.”

“Really Dean, I’m just happy we’ll be together. Please don’t feel bad.”

“Yeah but Cas, I gotta… I gotta do something to make it up to you. I’ll do anything, you name it, I’ll do it. Whatever you wanna do to make your birthday special, Cas.”

“Anything?”

Seriously, was there ever a more dangerous word? That one stupid word was how Dean ended up strumming his guitar and belting out notes in front of thousands and thousands of fans, never mind the people at home watching the livestreams that Dean insisted they allow fans to do, with a perpetual hard on and a large, unforgiving plug up his ass.

Oh yeah, and a boyfriend standing in the wings waiting for him to take a break and probably stroking his goddamn cock while he watched.

Speaking of…

The last notes of the third song in their set echoed out over the crowd as Dean quickly set his guitar down on its stand. They’d be resetting for the next set which would be acoustic so they had about three minutes as the roadies and techies swapped over his and Jo’s instruments. The others would take the chance to catch their breath and hydrate. Dean…

Dean jogged off stage right as the rest of the band went off left. Any of the people on stage would have clear view of what was going on but if Castiel didn’t mind then Dean didn’t mind and this was his fucking idea.

Momentarily, Dean was confused when he slipped into the dim wing and it was empty. Then he was shoved and roughly bent over an empty equipment case while hands gripped at his waistband. Dean scrambled to pop the button on his pants before they ended up busted open. The leather, sticky with sweat, was peeled from his bare ass and Dean had to move quickly to protect his blood heavy cock from the zipper as his pants were pushed down.

“Do you have any idea how hard it was to not rush the stage and fuck you right there?” Castiel growled hotly against Dean’s ear as he gripped the plug in Dean’s ass and yanked it out with zero care. “I’ve been wanting to feel your tight ass around my cock since I opened you up and put this in here.”

Dean couldn’t manage more than a rough moan as Castiel dropped the plug on top of the case before he pressed Dean’s face hard against the surface next to it. Then Castiel hilted in one swift stroke and the ache from suddenly being stretched further than the plug weakened Dean’s knees, his cock already throbbed, dangerously close to emptying itself.

Instantly, Castiel’s hand gripped him tightly at the base and Dean whimpered at his denied release.

“Oh no, Dean.” Castiel said as he roughly fucked into him “You don’t get to get off ‘til one past midnight, remember? Only one who gets to come on my birthday is me.”

And then Dean was momentarily empty, the suddenness of it brought tears to his eyes. His pants were pulled back up before gentle hands helped him straighten up and an open bottle of water was forced into his hand. Dean took a long swallow before he set down the bottle and buttoned his pants back up, a feat considering how tight the pants were and how hard Dean was. Then he ran back out on stage after he flashed a wink at his gorgeous boyfriend.

It was a little easier to focus on his performance without the plug up his ass. Not that his performance had suffered before. Castiel was well aware of how important it was to Dean to give his fans his very best so he’d threatened to put an end to their game if Dean so much as botched a note because he was distracted.

Still, when the next break came up Dean was cursing how tight his pants were. Just knowing how close he was to being filled again had the inside of his leather slick with precome. Dean was insanely happy that he’d invited Chuck to come play a song with him because while they set up for him Dean would have at least five whole minutes, if not longer to get his ass pounded.

Clearly Castiel had other plans. When Dean rushed off stage he was greeted by the sight of Castiel sitting in a chair facing the stage, dark jeans open as he leisurely fisted his cock.

“You’re gonna need to watch them set up since you said the timing was inconsistent in rehearsal. So I think I’ll have you ride my cock while you keep an eye on things.” Castiel said and watched as Dean moved toward him while he undid his pants.

The direction gave Dean pause though. No way he’d be able to spread his legs wide enough to ride Castiel with these ridiculously tight pants wrapped around him. So he turned and bent over; untied his boots and purposely presented his ass in Castiel’s direction. To his credit, Castiel didn’t budge. When Dean turned back around he was still sitting there while he slowly slid his hand along his slick length.

After that, Dean gave up on the tease, shoved his pants all the way down before he kicked them off. They were gonna be a bitch to get back on in a hurry but right now he didn’t give a damn. He walked closer and Castiel removed his hand, let both of them hang down to his sides as he leaned back.

Ridiculously turned on, Dean took his cue, spun around and backed up so his legs bracketed Castiel’s lap and he reached between his legs to grasp Castiel’s cock, held it steady as he lined it up with his already swollen and sensitive rim.

So fucking hot, Dean pushed down until the head of Castiel’s cock popped past the ring of his muscle. Then he let gravity do the work as he slid down until he was fully seated. When he was finally filled again Dean rolled his hips just a little which pressed Castiel’s cock against his prostate, caused his body to shudder and his eyes to squeeze shut with the white hot pleasure of it.

As if he just knew how Dean would react, Castiel reached up and grasped Dean’s jaw firmly, angled his face towards the opening of the wing.

“Don’t you dare close your eyes. You don’t want to miss your cue and I certainly won’t be watching for it. Now I suggest you start fucking yourself with my cock Dean.” Castiel said with a neutrality one would expect from someone ordering delivery over the phone.

Still, Dean complied, forced his eyes open as he painstakingly lifted up and slid back down. Felt so fucking good and perfect. Slow and teasing, he moved, rolled and tilted his hips, carefully avoided too much torment to his prostate. It wouldn’t take much at that point for Dean to blow, but he was determined to make good on his promise.

He became so focused on his task, on the combination of heated pleasure and burning muscles, that even though he was watching he didn’t actually notice when Sam walked back on the stage. It registered just in time for Dean to see Sam spot him in the wings; Sam’s eyes went wide before they narrowed down.

Full of regret, Dean pulled off of Castiel. His cock slid out with an obscene pop and Dean wrestled himself back into his pants as fast as he could but by the time he gotten them buttoned back up Charlie and Jo were already onstage and he couldn’t tell from this angle but he was pretty sure Chuck had also taken his place.

With one look at his shoes, Dean shrugged and walked out on stage barefoot, took up his guitar before he shot a grin at the audience.

“Sorry ‘bout the shoes.” He drawled into the mic. “It’s my boyfriend’s birthday and I was giving him his present. Got a little distracted.”

He heard Sam swear into the mic before he started up the beat and they were off and running again.

Dean’s last break came in the last set of the show. Sam would be leaving his drums to do a couple of his songs. In that moment, Dean was grateful that he’d never taken Sam up on his offer to teach him to play because it meant that the dude they hired to play would be on stage while Dean was off stage, enjoying the fuck outta himself.

“Behave yourself.” Sam growled as Dean handed him his guitar.

“C’mon Sammy, I never have before, why start now?” Dean said with a grin before he jogged off stage.

Castiel was waiting just out of sight of the audience. He had Dean’s pants off in record time, the skin of Dean’s legs had started to pink up with the repeated abuse of the leather but neither of them bothered to care at the moment.

“Back to the scaffolding, hands over your head holding on to the highest bar you can reach.” Castiel grunted out.

Dean looked at the scaffolding in question. It was the one just inside the curtain that ran along the front of the stage and held the lights.

“Cas… that… that’s pretty close. One wrong move and my ass is gonna be splashed across the front page tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry Dean, are you saying you’d like to redefine the definition of the word anything?” Castiel growled, his eyes hard when Dean turned to look at him.

It sent a shiver down Dean’s back that left him weak. He knew that one word would have Castiel backing down, happily so. He could just safeword and it would all shut down, Castiel would check in and then he could just fuck him some other way. But…

“No.” Dean whimpered as he backed up until he felt cold metal pressed against the hot skin of his thighs.

He reached up and felt around ‘til his fingertips brushed against more metal. Standing on his tiptoes he wrapped his hands around the crossbar. Then Castiel crowded into his space, slotted between his legs as his hands grasped at Dean’s ass. One squeeze was all the direction Dean needed and he pulled himself up by the scaffolding, wrapped his legs around Castiel.

It took a bit of maneuvering but soon Castiel slammed home into Dean’s slick hole and fucked into him hard. Dean was definitely gonna have some horizontal bruises across his back from the way he was being pounded into the unforgiving metal. But he really couldn’t give less of a fuck about it right then.

Up until that, Dean had been able to stay pretty quiet. There wasn’t much fear that they’d be overheard with the pounding of the speakers and the cheering of the crowd but now they were closer to the edge of the stage and to the press of fans that lined it. Not to mention Dean’s bandmates on stage and any roadies that were scurrying around backstage.

So when Dean let out a loud cry as Castiel fucked into him particularly rough and nailed his prostate in the process, Castiel improvised. He let go of Dean’s ass with one hand and stuffed his fingers between Dean’s plush lips. He’d done it mainly to quiet Dean but Dean seemed to take it as a personal challenge.

So hotly, Dean started sucking on Castiel’s fingers with an abandon he usually reserved for pie and cock. Moaned loudly around them as saliva pooled at the corners of his stretched lips, his green eyes never left Castiel’s. God, it felt so fucking good, Dean’s mouth hot on his fingers, Dean’s ass tight around his cock.

When Dean swirled his tongue around the length of Castiel’s middle finger though, just as Castiel thrusted up into his heat, Castiel broke. He flooded Dean’s ass with hot come as he was wracked with wave after wave of pleasure.

Then he felt Dean’s ass start to clench around him.

Lightning quick, Castiel yanked his fingers from Dean’s mouth and wrapped them tightly around the base of Dean’s cock and balls, staved off the orgasm that was seconds away. With a strange mixture of gratitude and anger, Dean pouted down at him.

Sam was at his last song so Castiel eased Dean down back to standing. Pulled Dean’s hands free from the scaffolding and moved them around to Dean’s ass as Castiel slipped out and used them to press his cheeks together.

“Hold that.” Castiel said roughly.

Tucked himself into his pants and zipped up, then walked back to the equipment case and grabbed the plug before he returned to Dean. Without being told Dean turned around and bent at the waist, legs slightly spread and one hand on the scaffolding for support. Castiel slid the plug home, trapped his come deep inside Dean for what Dean knew would be the duration of the show, the after concert drinks in the green room and the ride back to the hotel.

Thoughtfully, Castiel helped Dean pull his pants back on and even pulled on his socks and boots for him before he kissed him gently and sent him back on stage with a firm pat to his ass which intentionally landed against the plug. Then Castiel sat back to watch the rest of the show. Sated and happy as he thoroughly enjoyed how much Dean was squirming with his denied pleasure.

At 12:01am the hotel they were staying at received several noise complaints about loud screams that came from the penthouse suite.

Castiel was nearly asleep curled up against Dean who trailed fingers along Castiel’s bare chest and teased at his nipples once in awhile in a playful way, not in a let’s fuck again kinda way.

“Hey Cas?” Dean spoke softly and didn’t meet Castiel’s eyes. “I kinda have another present for you. I know it isn’t your birthday anymore but I meant to give it to you when we got back to the hotel. Was a little distracted, though.

Castiel grinned at the memory of Dean practically in tears as Castiel jacked him slowly in the elevator without giving a damn what the camera’s caught.

“Before I give it to you… well, it’s kinda a present for us both.”

“How generous of you Dean.” Castiel said with a grin. His smile faded when he took in Dean’s concerned face.

“I just… You need to know though that you don’t have to accept it. I promise I won’t be mad.” Dean said, tugging his bottom lip between his teeth and biting hard.

Castiel reached up to tug the poor abused lip free.

“Dean, whatever it is can’t be all that scary. Just give it to me before you give yourself a heart attack.” Castiel said gently.

Dean responded by pulling away from Castiel and rolling over to reach in the nightstand. When he came back to Castiel he settled a stack of papers on Castiel’s chest. Blankly, Castiel looked down at the paper in confusion. He recognized the logo of Dean’s label at the top.

“What is this?”

“It’s a contract, Cas. You should have a lawyer look over it first, of course.”

“I… I don’t understand…”

“It’s a contract with my label. It’s… I’m asking you to join the band, Cas.” Dean had never sounded so unsure and vulnerable before, not even when he was trying to get Castiel back.

“But I… I play the cello Dean. That… that doesn’t exactly scream rock and roll.” Castiel looked at Dean like he had three heads.

“Dude, don’t even. You know what you can do with that thing. There’s no question that you would be an amazing addition to the band. We’d be able to come up with a whole different kinda sound for our next album. I mean, you probably wouldn’t be out there for too many numbers and we’d start with just some covers of a few of our songs but… you’d be touring with me all the time and you’d still get to do what you love.”

“Dean… You can’t just force someone on your band because you want to spend more time with your boyfriend.” Castiel said with a shake of his head.

“It was Sam’s idea.” Dean said and Castiel’s head whipped up. “Kinda. I was talking to him about some of the covers you’ve done. Told him how the first time I saw you play I had this vision of the two of us on stage together doing some power ballad. Shoulda known I was gone back then. Anyway he said it would be pretty sweet if you joined the band, already started listening to cello music nonstop so he could get a feel for it and figure out the best rhythms to go with it.”

“Jo and Charlie…” Castiel said as he swallowed down the lump in his throat.

“Would be over the fucking moon. They love you, dude. Almost as much as I do. They started going on about couples game night and shit. By the way, just cause we would be together doesn’t mean our asses are staying home every night like a bunch of old ladies. We’re still gonna be hitting the town, being entirely inappropriate in front of people and getting drunk off our asses. There are also a couple a specialty clubs I wanna take you to… but… I’ll tell you about those later.”

Castiel wanted to be wrapped up in Dean’s enthusiasm but he just had to stay reasonable and level headed.

“What about school, Dean? I can’t just leave school to go on tour. It’s important to me.” Castiel said firmly.

Dean flipped to the back page of the stack of papers, where the signature lines were. Dean and Chuck Shurley had already signed.

“Check the date, Cas.” Dean said softly.

Castiel looked closer and saw that the date was the day after his graduation performance, his last requirement before he would finish at Juilliard.

The room was silent long enough for Dean to start getting uncomfortable as Castiel stared down at the papers.

“Cas… say something man. I swear I won’t be mad if you-”

Castiel looked up at Dean, his eyes shining with unspilled tears.

“I would love to join the band Dean. You have my body and my heart, I would love to give you my soul… my music.”

They made love slowly and sweetly after that, none of the usual frantic flurry that came with deadlines and parting words.

***

Graduation had rapidly approached and in a flash of moments it passed by. Bittersweet, happy and just a bit sad; he’d miss his friends, his classes. And despite the blowout he’d had with his mother when he’d turned down the audition she’d secured him with a prestigious orchestra, he’d somehow expected that she’d show up to his final performance. When he’d looked out into the audience for her, he hadn’t really been surprised to find she wasn’t there, but disappointing her stung, even after so many years of it.

Until his eyes had caught on Dean, sitting there with a bouquet of white roses, and any melancholy over his mother’s absence washed away in a rush of love and excitement because tomorrow he’d be an official member of My Own Volition, and he couldn’t wait.

He’d just moved in with Dean, finally, now that he was done school, and he was just ready to start this new chapter in his life. It was crazy, really, that he’d gotten there at all. Two years ago, he never would’ve thought he’d be in a major rock band. Wouldn’t have guessed in a million years that he’d be living with his boyfriend, that he’d actually have a boyfriend.

So the fact that he was standing out in the rooftop garden at their apartment, surrounded by their friends? It was unbelievable and incredible. That Dean had been thoughtful enough to plan a surprise graduation party was so touching, Castiel’d had a hard time not dragging him off to their bedroom for a proper thank you.

But that would be bad manners, and he’d learned a thing or two about being a good host. So he’d settled for a lingering kiss and a whispered promise in Dean’s ear that’d turned Dean’s cheeks that perfect shade of pink Castiel loved.

Not long after they’d all eaten, Dean had disappeared inside with the explanation that he was going to grab dessert.

So when he came back out empty handed, Castiel’s head quirked to the side in confusion. Dean’s nervous energy as he walked across the short distance between them was nearly palpable, and Castiel had absolutely no idea what he could be nervous about. Everything was perfect.

And then Dean was in front of him. Just as Castiel opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, Dean dropped down to one knee. Pulled a little black box from his pocket and looked up at Castiel with shiny eyes.

Castiel sucked in a surprised breath as Dean opened the box, revealed a wide platinum band with a narrow row of tiny blue diamonds in a straight line down the center. The second Castiel’s eyes flew up to Dean’s, his heart pounded in his chest because Dean gave him the most radiant smile he’d ever seen. Warmed him from the inside out, and lit him up in return.

“Cas, there’s so much I wanna say to you right now. I thought of so many different ways to do this. And none of it seemed right. I kept thinking, what’s gonna top a zillion flowers or a concert in central park? Nothing, right? How d’you get bigger ‘n that? So, I figured you don’t. You gotta go back to basics.”

Dean bit his lip, and then continued, “Something from the heart. And it hit me, the only thing I needed to do this, was you. Because, you’re my heart, Cas. I love you so much, and being with you, it’s been the best part of my life for a long time now. I wanna wake up next to you every morning for the next seventy years. I wanna sleep next to you every night. Spend my days with you, and the thing I want most? Is to get to call you my husband. So, Castiel Novak, will you marry me?”

For a moment, Castiel just looked at Dean, heart in his slightly shaky hands, and thought, I love him so much. When Dean wet his lips nervously, Castiel was suddenly pushed to action. In Dean’s arms before Dean had a chance to brace for it, they fell back onto the ground, Castiel’s hands cupped Dean’s face and he whispered yes into Dean’s mouth through an excited kiss. Just yes, over and over, until a familiar throat cleared, and Castiel turned to glare up at Balthazar, irritated.

“Why on earth is it always up to me to prevent your sex tape from being splashed all over the internet?” Balthazar teased with a grin. “Oh, don’t give me that look, Cassie. You know full well if it wasn’t for me, you and your prince charming would never have met and we wouldn’t all be standing around watching you maul him.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, but smirked fondly at Balthazar, “I suppose, you are right. This once.”

Balthazar scoffed as Castiel helped Dean up and Dean grinned the whole time he slipped the ring on Castiel’s finger, like he couldn’t possibly be happier and all Castiel could think was, he’d need to prove Dean wrong on that account and they had the rest of their lives for him to do it.