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Published:
2017-01-11
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2021-04-05
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2/2
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Outside Looking In

Summary:

Sam sees Megstiel blooming, and feels a lonely ache growing with it.

Notes:

For the anon who prompted Samegstiel.

As a side note, my poly stories are always true triples. I don’t write V stories, only triangles. To each their own, but that’s my preference. So you can always assume each of these three is truly into both of the others. Same is true anytime I fill a poly prompt.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Forgive me my trespasses, as I forgive those who have trespassed against me...

Chapter Text

When Dean had said the word “Megstiel” for the first time, Sam had not completely understood the meaning. And there were other things going on, all requiring his focus. So when it did hit him, in the shower that night, he actually stumbled a little. He felt as though he had been punched in the chest, and he wasn't even sure why. He dealt with it like any good Winchester, and put it immediately out of his mind, and after the shower, he took a bottle of whiskey to bed with him.

The next day, they nearly lost Meg to Crowley, and Castiel to Naomi. But Samandriel, who had managed to heal Castiel from her influence last time they saw him, reappeared to swipe the tablet from Dean's hands, and so Castiel returned to Meg’s side in time to throw Crowley into a retreat. Samandriel and the angel tablet were gone, and Heaven and Hell were both roaring about it. But Dean had made the point that he trusted Heaven’s most adorable angel more than any of the other players, and Castiel agreed, stating that Samandriel was doing as he should, protecting the tablet even from the angels.

Battered and bruised, the four of them slipped back into hiding. Castiel healed the brothers, but couldn't do so for Meg, and he insisted that he would do nothing until he had cared for her as she had once done for him.

“Time to hole up for a few days,” Dean had muttered, and that was that. They headed for the bunker, and allowed Castiel to adjust the warding for Meg’s entrance. Dean disappeared into town to find a night of company, with just a wink at Sam.

Sam knew better than to wait up.

But all that late evening, two creatures who did not sleep murmured to one another, passing a bottle between them. Sam had tried to give them privacy, but he found himself lured back by a strange fascination.

A sick fascination. It was literally making his stomach tighten.

He wanted to pretend it was just a curiosity about a relationship between an angel and a demon, each seeking a sort of post-Apocalyptic redemption. But he caught himself staring at Castiel's eyes, at the intensity and devotion, then at Meg’s, lit with awe and amusement. When he finally realized that what he was feeling was a lonely ache, he shot to his feet and said goodnight awkwardly, then hurried to his room.

That night, no angel, demon nor human slept in the Men of Letters bunker.

Dean had not returned by morning. He sent a quick text to let Sam know he had found himself company for the weekend, and he hoped Sam was resting and “Megstiel” were behaving themselves. Sam stared at the message, then sighed and closed his eyes.

He made the mistake of creeping out of his bedroom for breakfast, and walked right in on the odd couple performing an encore of the pizza man episode.

Sam's breath caught in his throat, and he backed directly into the wall behind him.

Castiel's hand was on Meg’s cheek, but he stood back and looked at Sam. “Good morning, Sam.”

Breakfast was a bad idea, his poor stomach told him. A really terrible idea. Sam shook his head. “Sorry, I-No, I'm just going to-I'm going back to bed. To research.”

Meg’s smirk was infuriating. “I seem to remember you having a peeping problem a few years back too,” she teased.

A hot flush filled his throats and cheeks. “I did not! You-you were ambushing my dad! I was-”

Castiel looked at them both sternly. “Meg?”

She sighed and shrugged. “You're right. Sorry, Clarence.”

Sam stared. He was certain he had never heard a demon apologize sincerely before.

Castiel echoed the sigh. “Sam, we talked last night, all night.”

“I know,” he murmured, and his gaze hit the floor.

“Cas thinks we should all enjoy a second chance. That we should all hold hands and forget the past together.”

The angel scowled. “I didn't say forget, nor even forgive. I said set aside. We must all set aside our previous transgressions against one another. I used you as a bridge across holy fire. Shall I apologize for it? We were adversaries at the time. If we are beginning anew, we must look forward instead of backward. And not simply between the two of us. If you mean what you say, that you enjoy my company and want to partake of it, you must extend the same arrangement to my friends.”

Meg snickered. “If I wanna be your lover, I gotta get with your friends? I don't know. Sounds a little mid-nineties and spicy for me.”

“Meg, please.”

She laughed. “I'm teasing you, angel. It wouldn't kill you to listen to some music now and then. Although that's not exactly the band I would recommend.”

Sam rolled his eyes.

“Oh, come on, Sam. I'll be Scary Spice, and you can be Geeky Spice. It'll be fun.” Then she gave him a more genuine smile, like the one she had worn when they had talked about how rare love was. “I'm willing to move on if you are. I think I've more than proved myself. I've nearly died for you several times now, Geeky. I've earned my place on the team.”

Castiel smiled too. “I did feel this bunker was a species short,” he said quietly.

Sam took a deep breath, and forced himself to smile. “No, of course. I've done some pretty messed up things myself. So have you. So has Dean. And-and Meg and me...Cas, I think Meg and I have come to a bit of an understanding. I'm not going to get in the way of you two being...whatever this is. I'm happy for you, man. You both deserve a second chance, and I'm glad you've...got one another.”

The two creatures exchanged glances, and seemed to communicate between them without a word. Then Castiel nodded his agreement to something. “Sam, your eyes give you away, you know. I may not understand everything, but that...that's universal to all species, it seems. You're lonely. And you don't need to be.”

Heat twisted in his empty stomach, and he was afraid he might throw up. “No, Cas. No, it's fine. I'm fine. I miss Amelia, but it's really okay. Thank you for thinking of me.”

It was Meg's hand that shot out to take hold of his arm, and it shocked him how gentle it was. Sam had never seen her use such a gentle touch on anyone but Castiel in the past.

He stared at her.

“Sam? When you're given the chance to be a part of something you know is worth fighting for, you don't walk away from it. Find a cause, and serve it.”

“I don't understand!” Sam whimpered. He hated what his voice sounded like.

Castiel too put his hand on him, touching his shoulder in a way that seemed to steady him down to the core. “I've spoken to your brother, Sam. His response to my request for his guidance was that life is too short, especially for a hunter, and that he didn't care how you find happiness so long as you…” He snorted dryly. “So long as you're not delusional enough to think it can come before hunting. He gave me his blessing to pursue with you a relationship that might bring us each some comfort.”

His heart was racing so fast that he was lightheaded, and the adrenaline was sending mixed signals to his body, indicating danger. “I don't understand,” he croaked.

Meg squeezed his arm. “I've been inside that head of yours. It's hard not to admire a man with so much strength. And it's impossible not to know how lonely you are. Cas asked me if I thought our friendship was one species short. When I indicated we might bring a moose into it, he got confused.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “If you wouldn't speak in metaphors, I might have understood that you meant Sam. And he is clearly who I was referring to myself.”

Sam swallowed hard, and looked from one to the other. He was breathing too shallowly, and that wasn't helping the dizzy feeling. “Dean said you-you should…”

“We want you in our club, kid.”

He let his lips part but had no words, nor voice for them.

The angel was shaking his head. “Meg, please don't be unnecessarily confusing. Yes, Sam. Dean was in favor of the two of us approaching you to join in our relationship. His precise words were ‘So long as he don't forget about hunting, and I can't hear anything through thin walls, I don't care what you three freaks get up to. But if either of you hurts him, I'll end you both.’”

A giddy feeling tickled at Sam's throat until he laughed. Tears were welling in his eyes. “You want me?” he breathed.

Castiel touched his cheek now. “I've always wanted you, Sam.”

Meg smirked. “I think I've already said this is my cause, and I'm serving it. I'm a bitch. I've got a unicorn. And we’ll make room for a moose. Unless we're wrong, and you don't want-”

“I want!” he cried out, then snapped his mouth shut.

They laughed and each stood on toes to kiss his cheeks. It was a strange tingle of sweet chill from the angel and delicious heat from the demon, and the human between them melted under it with a happy shiver.

Chapter 2: Rainy Night Underground

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Sam was never going to be able to fall asleep. His mind was still racing with images, of Meg’s beautiful legs, of the breathtaking muscles of Castiel’s back, of blue eyes and red smirks. His body held tight to the sensations of soft skin and quaking touches. The sounds of the demon’s sighs, and the taste of the angel’s kisses, and the infatuating smells of the three of them mingling, kept him from even closing his eyes. He could still feel them on him, in him, all around him. His head lay in Meg’s lap, his limbs tangled with Castiel’s. He could stay this way forever.

Castiel’s face was pressed into his upper arm, but his smile was in his voice. “Can you hear the rain?”

It was the first thing any of them had said in a very long time, and Meg’s hand stilled in Sam’s hair. Then it continued. “Nearly. I wouldn’t have noticed it.”

Sam sighed out his laugh. “Cas, human ears, remember?”

“Hm. It’s lovely though. Mind if I turn it up so we can all enjoy it?”

Meg giggled. “Show off.”

Sam’s eyes slipped closed as the sound of rain pattering against the ground above the hidden bunker enveloped them. “That’s beautiful, Cas. I’ve never heard rain down here before. Sometimes I’ll go outside and realize it’s been raining for hours and I didn’t know. This is nice.”

“It doesn’t rain in Hell either,” Meg muttered, and her voice wasn’t as strong as usual. “Not real rain anyway.”

“Nor in Heaven,” Castiel mused. “It seems we’ve all been denied one of the loveliest sounds of the natural world, as we are hidden away inside our homes. It is good that all three of us can enjoy it together.”

Sam smiled and nodded, and didn’t bother to open his eyes.

It was Meg’s voice this time, nearly twenty minutes later, which broke the quiet among them. “When I was a child, I loved thunderstorms. They felt powerful, and I liked to believe they made me powerful for as long as they lasted.”

The human between them blinked. “You were a child.” It wasn’t a question, simply an acknowledgment that this was something which had never occurred to him before.

“Well, I didn’t spring fully formed from Azazel’s forehead, if that’s what you thought.” Then her voice softened again. “It’s strange. Here with you both, the time I spent with the demon prince I called Father seems further back in my past than my childhood as a human. Stupid, isn’t it?”

“It’s not stupid,” Sam insisted. A strange protectiveness was rising in him. He wanted this for Meg, whatever this was. He wanted to be part of what inspired her to remember her humanity, what innocence she might have once had. “We agreed to let go of past transgressions. At least for right now, let’s pretend all the worst parts were just someone else.”

Castiel hummed his approval, and lifted his face from Sam’s arm finally, to meet Meg’s eyes. “That would be nice. Can we do that somehow? We cannot forget entirely. We each want redemption too much for that. But can we, when we lie together, no matter where or when, just let go of the guilt? If each of us has found a way to forgive the others, can we, just while lying together, each forgive ourselves?”

Sam could feel tears welling in his eyes and throat. “I’d like that. A lot. To just be Sam when we’re together, not the boy with the demon blood or the true vessel of the Devil. To not have been soulless and to not have hurt anyone.”

“To not be the fallen rebel, the spanner in the works, the failed guardian and the runaway.”

“To not have to remember hurting either of you,” Meg added very quietly.

Castiel was smiling. “It’s settled. When here, we are simply Castiel, Sam and Meg, not any of those other things. When we lie together, it is all we are.”

“Castiel, Sam and Meg,” the human repeated in a tone which made it sound like an oath.

“Tsilo.”

“What?” both Castiel and Sam said at once.

Meg took a deep breath. “Voninkazo Tsilo. It means thorned flower. It was my human name. Tsilo.”

Castiel frowned, as though searching his memory for recognition. “In what language?”

“Malagasy.”

Sam sat up on his elbow. “You’re from Madagascar?”

She shrugged. “Everyone is from somewhere, moose.”

He snickered. “Guess I thought you were local.”

“Local to what? There are lots of gates to Hell, kid. I just take the first train out, and I don’t care much about the destination. I’ve been on this continent a long time, a lot longer than I was ever anywhere else. But it isn’t my original home. And I’ve been Meg longer than I was ever anyone else, but it isn’t my original name.”

Castiel smiled up at her with love in his blue gaze. “What do you prefer, my thorny beauty? Tsilo?”

Sam watched her with great interest as she considered this.

“I don’t know,” she admitted at last. “Tsilo was kind of a bitch.”

“But so is Meg,” the angel added helpfully.

The demon burst into laughter, and rolled them all until she and Castiel were both lying with their legs atop Sam. “Let’s stick with Meg for now,” she said at last. “I feel like I’ve earned it. And it’s what you know to call me.”

Sam reached down to kiss the top of her head. “We aren’t as stupid as you think we are,” he teased. “We can learn. If you change your mind, just say so.”

She snuggled in deeper, and it was the most adorable thing Sam had ever known her to do. “Shut up. You’re exactly as stupid as I think you are. But...thank you.”

Castiel laughed too, then sighed happily and quieted again.

The rain beat down above them. Sam held them safe in his arms, the angel who wanted to forgive himself, the demon who remembered being a child, and in return they both held the human who just wanted to be deserving of their love.

Notes:

Incidentally, I think “Rainy Night Underground” would be a fabulous name for a coffee house with jazz improv nights. I’m just saying.

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