Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Castiel Novak, 34 years old, was packing his bag, thinking about how he really didn’t want to go on this work trip. But, he had to, his boss ordered it. His dog was helping him pack, if by helping you mean laying on the bed, watching his every move. Sighing as he grabbed some socks, he thought about how attached he had gotten to his home and the life he built here. Jax, the dog previously mentioned, rolled over onto his back and was waiting for Castiel to rub his belly.

‘’ I know buddy. I don’t want to leave.’’ Castiel sighed.

Jax just looked at him with his (literal) puppy eyes, even though the old boy was almost eleven and had a grey snout. Castiel petted him some more, not being able to resist his furry friend.

‘’ I’ll be back in four days Jax. You’ll have a great time when I’m gone, the lovely lady from next door will take care of you. After that, it’s just you and me again.’’

However, Castiel did feel he was missing something in life. Something rather large. Something that he wanted to fill, but didn’t know how. He had always had a deep urge to care for something, or someone, to give purpose to his life. However, relationships failed, because while he wanted to hold hands or cuddle up on the couch, he wasn’t particularly interested in sex. Never was. Watching porn never did anything for him, even though he had tried. Believe him, he had really tried. It took him a while to figure it out, but when he read up about it, he knew he was asexual. He’d love to be with a person, be that a man or a woman, but he wanted to care for them. In every which way possible. He’d want to wash that person, put him or her to sleep, carry them around, read them books. He didn’t want a child, because they grew up, and left you in the end. He wanted someone that needed him. But he knew that he could never have that in life. Sometimes he felt sick at his own feelings, his own desires, not understanding where they came from. How cruel it was that he would live this life never being able to enjoy it fully.

God wouldn’t deal him that card.

He had tried, once. To bring it up to (at that time) his boyfriend. While that boyfriend had been exceptionally good at the whole no-sex thing, understanding even, he accused Castiel of being a mad man, and that a healthy relationship consisted of mutual care. Castiel partly agreed, but knew that he couldn’t suppress that other side of him. It was no surprise that that relationship ended quickly afterwards.

His work brought him the distraction he needed. He swamped himself in it. Castiel was lucky to be able to work from home, where he had his cozy office and his dog. At least he got to take care of an animal, if he couldn’t give care to a human being. The dog was a beautiful German Shepherd named Jax. Jax would be with him in his study, accompany him on walks, and trips to the seaside.

Castiel’s house was near Lake Michigan, and on stormy days he loved to walk to the water, letting the wind and the smell of the water wash away his loneliness.

He’d often sit on the wet sand, Jax purposely setting himself between his owners’ legs, licking his face or letting Castiel pet his head.
Castiel often hugged the dog, loving the soft fur and the way the dog seemed to take away all his worries. The dog didn’t look snuggly, but his owner knew better. Plus, Jax would do anything for a cookie. The slimy bastard.

Castiel was usually home all year around, but his boss had assigned him to meet up with someone from the Kansas City Library, making sure they had the right books before his boss would buy them. Only after purchase would Castiel need to start translating. The books were costing a fortune, so Castiel understood the need for a check-up before the investment was made, however; leaving home filled him with dread. He didn’t like being away. He didn’t like not sleeping in his own bed, missing his dog (Jax was going to be with a neighbor, so he would be fine, but still. It’s his dog) , not having his own comfy office chair. He’d miss the sea.

Castiel calmed himself down with the thought that it was only four days. Surely he could handle four days of being social with people? He kept on thinking; this time next week, I’ll be back home again, on my own, with my dog. That was the thing that kept him calm.

It was a seven hour drive to the main building of Kansas Library. Castiel had left his house early in the morning, sandwiches and little juice boxes packed. Castiel had tried to drink orange juice from a bottle in the car once, and it didn’t go over too well. The car stunk for weeks on end, until he finally had it cleaned professionally. From that day forward, if he brought drinks, he brought drinks with straws. Call him a child, he doesn’t care.

He’d burned some cd’s to fill the silence, because radio wasn’t his thing. Even though the year was 2017, he only had installed a newer radio a couple of years ago, which was only capable of cd’s or FM. He wasn’t up to date with the newest songs anyways, and he’d rather have stuff he could sing along to. Not that he could sing very well, but he was alone, so who was there to judge him?

With his suitcase in the trunk, he and his old Continental drove along the highway, listening to Counting Crows and making his way to Kansas City.

He made it to the motel in good time, and settled in for the night. The motel room was nice. It was clean, even to Castiel’s standards, modern, and there was WiFi. He was going to be fine.

Early next morning, Castiel got out of his room, freshly showered and shaved, ready to go to the library. When he walked to his car, he saw a beauty of a black muscle car parked next to his ratty old Lincoln. She was old; he could tell, but she was taken care of. Not a single scratch or mark, her chrome rims almost blinding him in the sunshine. Castiel whistled at the car.

“You eyeing up my baby?” a low voice asked.

Castiel turned around quickly, to see green eyes staring at him. “Yes. I mean, she’s a beauty. I wish I knew something about cars... other than how to wash her.”

“Looks to me you haven’t washed that Lincoln in a long time.” The man said snarkily.

“Hey!” Castiel said, a smirk on his face. “I may not keep her as clean as I should, but I still love her. Had her since I was eighteen. Plus, we drove all day yesterday. She was bound to get dirty.”

Green eyes just smiled then. “Yeah yeah, you’re forgiven.”

Castiel grinned at that remark. “Listen, I’ve got to go. Work. Maybe I’ll see you later, eh…?”

“Dean.”

“Dean. Okay. Well. Goodbye, um… Dean.”

“Bye.”

It wasn’t until he arrived at the library, that he realized he hadn't introduced himself. He hoped Dean would still be there when he returned to the motel that evening. There was something intriguing about the bow-legged man, but Castiel couldn’t figure out what.

The day went by slowly, the books hauled from the archives needing to be handled with care. Castiel was glad to see that it would be less work than originally thought, which meant he could probably drive back tomorrow already, instead of a day later.

When he had called with his boss, confirming the authenticity of the books, the purchase was made and Castiel took them with him, in a locked suitcase.

As Castiel drove back to the motel, he noticed he was being followed by a black Chevrolet Impala. A tiny smile graced his lips, and Castiel carefully parked his car, Dean pulling up beside him. When Castiel got out of the car, he wanted to greet Dean.

The young man, however, stumbled out, looked at Cas warily, and headed for the door.

“Hey, are you okay? Dean?” Cas asked.

“Yeah just not… feeling well...I’ll be fine, I’ve had this before...” Dean said, his eyes darting from left to right, hands trembling. He quickly got out his key and got in his motel room, slamming the door shut behind him.

Castiel knew there was something wrong, but didn’t even know the man, so he didn’t want to impose on him in any matter. And Dean had said he would be fine, right?

Castiel stared at Dean’s door for a few more moments, until he just sighed and went and got his stuff from the trunk. Just one more night, and then I’ll go back home, he thought to himself.

Castiel showered, once again, the warm library had him soaking in his own sweat all day. When he got out, he toweled off, put on his favorite pair of sweatpants and his oldest hoodie. He snuggled up onto the bed, grabbed a book and started reading. It wasn’t until he was totally quiet that he could hear sound s coming from Dean’s room. At first, he thought Dean must be watching some movie with the volume too high, but after a while Cas started to wonder, because this wasn’t a sound he’d ever heard in a movie before. It sounded like...crying? And not just crying, but full on wailing. It was hard to tell though, the sound was muffled by the wall. Castiel listened to it go on for a couple of minutes, and then stood up from the bed, placing his ear on the wall. He needed to know, was Dean really crying? Or was this just some really weird... porn? Hey, you never know what some people might be into..

As Castiel listened intently, he could hear the sobbing better, only to realize that it actually was Dean. He sounded panicked, out of breath. Castiel decided to let his manners go and basically stomped over to Dean’s door, he didn’t care if they didn’t really know each other, but he knew Dean wasn’t happy and he would give anything to fix that.

He expected the door to be locked, but to his surprise it opened immediately. When he glanced into the room and saw Dean on the floor, his brain went into overdrive. The man was on a play mat with toys surrounding him, a pacifier lying a few feet away. A bag was on the bed with bottles and formula, and what looked like diapers. Only Dean was still in his normal clothes and a wet spot was visible at his crotch.

Dean hadn’t even noticed Castiel coming in, he was too wrapped up in his misery sobbing, heaving, snot covering his nose and mouth, drool hanging from his chin. One hand was grabbing tightly at a small blue blanket.

Castiel stood there, thinking multiple things at once. What is going on? Does he do this on purpose? Is this a mental issue? He is not getting help for it, that’s for sure... He needs someone to take care of him. But he seemed absolutely fine this morning?

Castiel didn’t want to scare Dean off, so he cleared his throat lightly. Dean looked up, his eyes rimmed red from crying, his face still a mess, but he didn’t try to back away, or made any attempt to get up on his feet. The next thing he did, broke Castiel’s heart in pieces.

Dean lifted both arms weakly, and looked at Castiel with big eyes. “Daddy…?”

Castiel swallowed. Dean was sitting there, arms raised up, apparently expecting Castiel to take care of him. And God, he wanted that. He wanted that so much, but this wasn’t…this wasn’t normal. People had told him that, but how could he deny giving Dean the love he so obviously needed?

Castiel walked over slowly, and crouched down before Dean. “You sure?” he asked.

Dean nodded, and Castiel grabbed Dean under his shoulders, noticing the man wasn’t as heavy as he had thought. When he had Dean in a full embrace, he knew why. The layers of clothing had given Castiel the impression that Dean was of a normal size, but here in his arms, he felt how slim the man actually was. He could feel his ribs through Dean’s shirt and it scared him. Castiel gripped him a bit tighter.

Not knowing exactly what to do, Castiel decided to follow his gut instinct. If it went wrong, he’d make sure Dean was okay before he would leave, but if things went right, he’d know he’d feel at peace. Even if it was perhaps just for the night. “Want me to take care of you, my sweet boy?”

Dean shivered and put his head on Castiel’s shoulder. “Hmm hmm,” was the reply he got.

Castiel walked him and Dean to the bathroom, and he filled the bath tub.

As the tub was filling up, he stripped Dean of his clothing. The boy shivered, but said nothing. When the tub was full, and the temperature was right, Castiel helped Dean get in. He knew Dean had the physical strength to do all of this himself, but somehow the mindset he was in, wouldn’t let him. Castiel didn’t mind though, he was caring for someone, he felt wanted and needed.

Grabbing a washcloth, he washed all of Dean, starting at his filthy face, then his body and groin. There was nothing sexual about it, and Castiel wouldn’t want it any other way. He just wanted to make Dean feel comfortable again. Lastly, he washed Dean’s hair, the boy almost falling asleep as Castiel massaged his scalp. Getting the drowsy boy out of the tub, Castiel toweled him off and picked him up. Walking to the bed, he one handedly grabbed one of the adult sized diapers, and saw an adult onesie. Dean’s eyes were drooping and Castiel knew he had to be quick.

He put Dean on the bed, and rolled him a bit to the left, sliding the diaper under his butt. Then he rolled Dean back, widening his legs and taping the diaper shut. After that, he got him in the onesie and tucked Dean in. Grabbing his pacifier, Castiel washed it under the tap in the bathroom. Returning to his boy, he put the pacifier in and Dean mumbled something. “What’s that Dean?”

“Kie,” he said. “Kie? Kie!” and he pointed at the blue blanket that was on the floor. Castiel picked the thing up, pinching it between his index finger and his thumb, because the piece of cloth was covered in snot and grime.

“This is too dirty, Daddy needs to wash this.”

“Kie!” Dean persisted, pointing at the filthy rag.

Castiel thought for a minute, and came up with a solution. “Want a blanket from Daddy?”

Dean’s eyes widened, and Castiel grinned. He quickly ran over to his own room, grabbing one of his very old sleeping t-shirts, a ratty old thing, but it smelled like him and was soft to the touch. And it was clean. That was a big plus.

When Castiel got back in Dean’s room, he noticed Dean’s lip trembling and his eyes watering. “Daddy’s back, it’s okay, I just had to grab you a new blankie!”

Dean frowned, and if that wasn’t cute then Castiel didn’t know what was.

Castiel pulled out the t-shirt and held it in front of Dean, who looked at it with suspicion. After giving it some consideration, he hesitantly reached out one hand, and grabbed the soft t-shirt. He brought it up to his nose, and after only a couple of seconds, started nuzzling it. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner! Castiel thought proudly to himself.

“Want Daddy to stay here?”’ Castiel asked. Dean only nodded, looking at Castiel with his intense eyes. Castiel decided to clean up a bit, putting the toys and the play-mat away in the duffle bag, setting the bag with diapers and bottles beside it.

He grabbed a bottle and some formula, and heated it up, following the instructions. He walked over to Dean with the bottle in his hands, and gave it to him. Or at least, he tried. Dean was holding the new blankie with both hands, and still had his pacifier in his mouth.

Changing tactics, Castiel moved to sit behind Dean, and then he pulled him up, putting Dean’s back to Castiel’s right arm, cradling him. Gently pulling out the pacifier, Dean squirmed a bit, until Castiel but the bottle into Dean’s mouth. Dean immediately started suckling, and when the bottle was half empty, his eyes started to droop.

Soon he felt Dean get heavier and heavier, before going completely limp in his arms. Castiel took the bottle out of the lax lips, and put the pacifier back in. Settling Dean under the covers once again, he took the bed next to Dean and decided to stay the night. He didn’t know if Dean would be adult Dean or baby Dean in the morning. If it was baby Dean, he couldn’t be alone.

Castiel felt at peace that night, lulled to sleep by the sounds of Dean suckling on his pacifier and smacking his lips. He was very curious to see in which state of mind Dean would wake up.

Chapter Text

Dean was driving along the highway, thoughts scattered in his brain, racing back and forth from Sam to his dad. Everyone always left him. He was alone. And had been alone for two and a half years now.

Sam had gone off to Stanford, which he had been expecting, but the mental impact that Dean had suffered because of it had been bigger than he could have ever imagined. It was like Sam didn’t want to have anything to do with Dean anymore; he wouldn’t answer Dean’s calls, he wouldn’t write back any e-mails. Dean had gone to visit him two years ago, to find Sam perfectly happy with a bunch of new friends and enjoying a night out. Dean had left immediately. Sam never even knew he was there.

His dad was another story. The old alcoholic was always going on about Mary, his mother, and how he, John, should have been the one to die in a fire, instead of her. There was no talking him out of it, and if Dean tried too hard, John would put the blame on him. The only thing that soothed John’s thoughts, was a bottle of Johnnie Walker.

“Listen son, if you would’ve just woken me sooner, instead of crying about your momma, I could’ve gotten her out of there! You’re useless, you know that?! Just a big baby, can’t even take care of yourself.” John didn’t know how true that statement actually was.

The first time he regressed, was about two years ago. Three days after he had seen Sam so happy to be without him. It happened in a back alley, after a panic attack. Dean could feel himself lose control over everything, over his mind, his body. He felt his way of thinking slipping, everything becoming too difficult much too soon.

He woke up the next day, with pee in his pants and a face covered in snot.

It scared the shit out of him, and with good reason. He had been totally vulnerable; if there would have been someone there that would’ve wanted to take advantage of Dean, they easily could have. Luckily that was not the case. That time.

Dean, after a lot of thinking, went to see a psychiatrist, Pamela, who made him see what was going on. He tried to explain to her as best he could, but still found it a struggle. He only remembered bits and pieces from every time it happened.

Pamela had explained to him that it was a coping mechanism, designed by his own mind, and that there was very little that could be done about it. Yes, there were some drugs that might help, but money wasn’t something he could spend like that, it was hard enough finding a place to sleep at night. He usually hustled pool or washed dishes. He was not the only person on the planet to face involuntary regression, in fact it was quite common, according to Pamela. It was a way for the mind to escape the real world; to not have to worry about anything. However, he had nobody to take care of him, which made Dean only more prone to more time in his Little headspace.

Dean had bought stuff he needed for his time as a Little, knowing when he got out of that headspace, he’d feel better if he had totally let go. After two years of becoming Little, he gathered enough pieces of memories to know what he wanted/needed when he regressed .

He’d usually lay them out in any hotel room he stayed, because he never exactly knew when they were going to hit. He’d prepare bottles beforehand, and put on a diaper. He made sure everything was in hands reach, because even crawling was difficult. He’d feel it coming on about half an hour before he fully regressed, so he always made sure to be within half an hour’s driving range from the motel he was currently staying at.

The first year had been the most difficult. He hadn’t known the signs of regression yet, so it would happen at unexpected times. He’d been beaten, left to sit in his own feces, dragged to sleazy motel rooms by equally sleazy men, and who knows what they had done to him there. He’d woken up a couple of times with blood in his boxers. The days seemed to pass in a haze .

The second year had been better. He’d had almost no slip ups and was almost always in time to regress when he was back in the safety of his room. There he’d have his baby stuff to keep him happy during his time as a Little.

He’d tried finding someone to take care of him.

There had only been two people he had trusted enough to tell them his secret. The first one, Cassie, blew him off immediately after telling. The second one called him pathetic, and said he was sick in his brain .

Dean never told another soul. Of course, he had given thought to calling Sammy. Not telling him exactly what was going on, but he would ask him for help. Just for a place to stay for a while. However, he didn’t want Sammy to see his big brother as a failure, so he never made the call.

Dean parked his car along a ratty old Lincoln. With the proper care, she would be a beauty, but she looked used up and dirty. Shame.

After booking his room, he grabbed his duffle and diaper bag from the trunk of the Impala and headed in. He laid out his Little stuff, but knew he wasn’t regressing tonight. Instead he watched TV, contemplating on how to spend the next couple of days in this city. Maybe there were a few casino’s he could hit up.

To be honest, the only reason he came to Kansas City, was because they had a store with items for adult babies . It was only one of few in the country and he was in the area. He’d been needing new stuff for a while now.

When he woke the next morning, he showered and got dressed.

Walking out of the motel room, he noticed a man looking at his baby. When the man turned around, he saw the most beautiful blue eyes and the way the man tilted his head a bit to the side, made Dean feel full of comfort for some reason. It was a strange sensation, but the man felt like home. For Christ’ sake, I don’t even know the man.

After the man had excused himself and his car, the dirty Lincoln from last night, he mumbled something about having to go to work. He left quickly then, leaving Dean standing in the parking lot. Dean had said his name to the man, but didn’t find out his.

Shrugging his shoulders, he decided to go to the adult baby store, to get new supplies.

The store was heaven. They had cool stuff; giant onesies with cool cars on them, glow in the dark pacifiers, bottles that were big enough, big bibs and lots more. Dean could wander around in here all day, but he didn’t. He had to be careful money wise; being a Little was expensive at times, especially the diapers.

The woman behind the register was discreet. She scanned the items and gave the total price, and Dean paid. He put the newly acquired clothing, bottles and diapers in the trunk and decided to explore the city a bit.

He settled for the Power and Light District and walked around, then sitting on a bench, just watching the people and thinking about Sammy. And about the dark haired man he met this morning.

It still freaked him out, how the man could give off such comfort, even though he barely knew him.
There was something there though, and Dean wanted to talk to the man again. He wasn’t quite sure how, though. Dean was not good at making friends, plus they were both just travelling through. Even if they could become friends, it wouldn’t last.

When he walked to the car, he could feel the first signs of regression kicking in. He started to sweat a bit more, and felt his mind wander and drift. He knew he had to get to the motel soon. He put all his energy on driving, and making sure he didn’t regress while still in traffic. It wasn’t until he pulled into the parking lot, that he noticed he had been driving behind the man he met this morning.

As he got out of the car, he knew he had to get inside as quick as possible ignoring the dark haired man speaking to him, even as he wanted to stop and chat .

Instead he told him he would be fine, and was relieved when he shut the door behind him, finally letting go. Dean hoped this time it wouldn’t be too bad; he figured out that he usually regressed to 1 or 2 years old, but if he was in a bad state, sometimes he would regress to infancy. When he did that he couldn’t do anything except gurgle and stare up at the ceiling. Waking up after those times had been the worst, his body worn out from lying on his back for hours on end and not having fed himself.

He was on the edge already, just wanted his bottle, and wanted to take his clothes off to put on his diaper and a onesie, but he was too late. He plunked down onto the floor, grabbed his blankie and slowly rocked back and forth.

He was a complete Little now.

When he noticed that he didn’t have his pacifier, he started to sniff a bit. He needed his pacie, dammit! The feeling of helplessness only grew when he noticed he had wet his pants. Not being able to will his body to get up and change himself, he started to cry. It was the only thing he could do, his mind being only 1 to 2 years old instead of the 24he should be . When he regressed, he was truly a toddler with limited control of his limbs and only the simplest vocabulary and comprehension.

The only thing that didn’t change when he was a Little, was his appetite. Because after all, his body still needed the same amount of food whether he was Big or Little. He was hungry, yes, but Little Dean didn’t know how a microwave worked. Plus, he would have to stand up to reach the microwave, and his legs were like jello when he was regressed. He always had cold bottles, if Big Dean had bothered to make them and put them on the floor for him. This night that was not the case.

Knowing he was hungry, had wet himself, and his pacie was nowhere to be found, he began sobbing heavily. His mind didn’t think about possible neighbors or whatnot; he couldn’t think that far anymore. He didn’t know how long he sat there, until he suddenly heard someone clearing their throat.
Who was that?

Carefully looking up, he saw a familiar face looking at him. A face that gave him warmth and comfort. A face that should be coming closer, instead of just standing there.

Dean needed hugs, now! He slowly rose his arms, and called out to the man. “Daddy...?” he whispered softly. Little Dean didn’t understand the dangers. This man could be a psychopath. Could harm him in any way he wishes, but that wasn’t the feeling he was getting off this father figure in front of him. This was someone who could take care of him, his Little mind was sure of it!

The man slowly walked forward. “Are you sure..?” the low voice asked Dean.

Sure? Yeah I’m sure! “Hmm hmm,” he replied. The feeling he got when he felt two very strong arms picking him up, was indescribable. This was everything he ever wanted, and then some. This felt like home!

The man took care of him. Put him in the bathtub, washed him, got him into a diaper and a onesie.
Cleaned his pacifier, got him a new blankie. This man was awesome!

Dean was still hungry and was working up a good cry to express his displeasure with this. That’s when the man sat behind him, and pulled Dean in his lap. Dean was slightly disgruntled when the pacie was taken from his mouth, but quickly soothed when he felt the rubber nipple of the bottle at his lips. He quickly caught on, and drank the sweet concoction (it was warm! Warm!) until sleep was taking him in.

This was the way life was supposed to be! Falling asleep in Daddy’s arms. That was the best night sleep he had ever had in many years.

When Dean woke up, he was in his normal headspace again. He didn’t remember much from last night’s regression, but he didn’t feel terrible. He felt...surprisingly good . He frowned in confusion and rolled over to his side only to feel the diaper squishing between his legs with the soft feel of a onesie on his skin, and a blankie in one hand, his pacifier lying next to the pillow.

Wait, what…? He was alone when he regressed? He remembered not being quick enough to change into his Little clothes. How could he have gotten into them without help?

Rolling to face the other side of the room, he saw the explanation on the bed beside him, still sleeping deeply. Dean stared at the man for a bit, and bits and pieces of last night started to come back. Not everything, he never remembered everything, but enough to put pieces together .

He remembered the man picking him up and bathing him. And then rocking him to sleep with a bottle.

Why was the man still here? He must think Dean was a freak. Who acts like a baby when they’re a grown ass adult?

Even though Dean knew it wasn’t his fault that he regressed involuntarily, he still blamed himself, and felt unworthy of any kind of attention given to him. He started to panic a bit then, and tried to calm himself, trying to slow down his breathing and grabbing the nightstand to ground himself. He knew a full blown panic attack would regress him instantly, and he didn’t want that to happen. Again. He got up from the bed, and waddled, due to his full diaper, to his duffle bag. While he was grabbing adult clothes, he heard the bed behind him creak.

“Dean?” a gravelly voice said.

Afraid to turn around, Dean didn’t say anything, but went in the bathroom as quick as he could.
He was so ashamed. He quickly stripped and pulled of the satiated diaper, throwing it in the bin. He showered, and put on his clothes. He kept hoping that the man would be out of the room when he got out, but he didn’t hear any doors shutting so he knew the man was still in there.

Not being able to stall forever, he eventually got out of the bathroom, and the man stood up from the bed, and walked up to him, reaching out his hand. “Castiel,” he said “but you can call me Cas.”

Dean hesitated, but shook his hand lightly. “Dean..but you knew that.”

“Yes.”

There was a pause, but it wasn’t as uncomfortable as Dean would have expected.

Castiel was the first one to talk. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

“Guess I kinda have to, huh?” Dean mumbled.

“Not if you don’t want to, I only want to help,” Castiel replied earnestly, he had honestly enjoyed caring for Dean last night, but thought mentioning that might be too forward given that they barely knew each other and how defensive Dean was.

Sarcasm was the only other language Dean was fluent in. “Sure you do.”

“Yes, Dean. Did I not take care of you last night?” Castiel pointed out, oblivious to the younger man’s sarcasm. Sarcasm wasn’t one of Castiel’s stronger points.

Touché. Dean thought. “ Yeah I guess. Look man, I don’t remember much, but what I do remember… you were cool.”

“Does this happen often?” Castiel asked.

“Two or three times a week.” Dean had moved past embarrassment and sat on the bed, elbows on his knees and hands dangling between them. Defeated.

Castiel’s eyes widened. “Are you alone every time?”

Dean sighed. “...Well, yeah. But it’s fine, you know. I can feel it coming. I swear I’m not crazy or anything. My psychiatrist said it’s a coping mechanism or some shit. I dunno.” Getting antsy, Dean stood up again, walking over towards the little kitchen area. He looked back at Castiel.

Castiel, in return, just looked at him with those piercing blue eyes, like they could see right through him. “How long have you had this?”

“About two years now. But I told you man, I’m fine. Don’t worry. Sorry I ruined your evening. I’m a freak. You can go now.”

Castiel took Dean’s face in both his hands. Dean didn’t struggle. He didn’t even flinch. There was something so trustworthy about the man. And he touched him. Castiel was touching him. It felt so nice to have somebody that didn’t shy away from physical contact.

“You are not a freak. You need someone to look after you. To take care of you. You don’t have anybody, do you?”

Well, damn, if that didn’t hit the nail right on the head. Castiel was right, and Dean knew it all too well. Dean stayed silent, and refused to make eye contact with Castiel.

“I’m sorry,” was all he could say. It was his response for everything he didn’t have an answer for. Of course he knew the answer though. He didn’t have anybody, but that was his own fault. Because he drove people away.

Castiel wasn’t having any of it though. “Don’t say that. Don’t say you’re sorry for something that is not your fault. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Cas.” Dean said perfunctorily, still not making eye contact.

Castiel sighed then, and pulled his hands away from Dean’s face. Dean immediately missed the touch. He wanted nothing more for the man to just take him in his arms and cuddle him, but that was a silly thing to ask, wasn’t it?

It was as if Castiel knew, because just a second after that, he was being pulled in for a hug. Dean stiffened at first, but relaxed after a moment, and after a while stepped back a bit, only to put his arms between their chests and fold them there, pushing back against Castiel. Castiel immediately recognized the silent question, and just grabbed Dean a bit tighter. Dean wanted to be enveloped in this man’s arms, to be held, because he never had that before.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, until Castiel walked them to the bed and they sat down next to each other. Castiel grabbed Dean’s hand, and rubbed his thumb over Dean’s palm. “Would you like me to take care of you?”

“Cas, don’t… You don’t know what you’re offering.”

“Don’t you think that is my decision to make? That it is my decision to give you my love and care, if you’ll allow me?”

Dean thought about that for a minute, but still felt guilty. The only reason he hadn’t walked away yet, was because he was too afraid to leave this man. Castiel had been the first person to touch him in something more than a handshake or a clap to his shoulder, in more than two years. He needed the touch, and the attention the man was giving him.

Castiel took Dean’s silence as nervousness, but didn’t give up. “What do you say about a trial period? You stay with me for two weeks. If after that, or even before the time is up, you feel uncomfortable or anything similar, you are free to leave.”

“Why would you want me?”

“Why wouldn’t I want you? Last night I saw a scared little boy all by himself. It broke my heart. And when that boy looked up with so much trust in his eyes, I knew I could take care of him. And did I? Take care of you I mean?” Castiel asked as he started rubbing Dean’s back. Dean melted into the touch.

“Yeah... you did really well. I don’t remember much, but yeah .”

“Where are your family and friends, Dean?”

“Mom’s dead... Dad’s a drunk who doesn’t want to have anything to do with me, and my brother Sam he’s… he’s... He left me. He has a new life now.”

Castiel, who was still holding Dean’s hand, now let go, and put an arm around his shoulder. “Do you trust me, Dean?”

“Well, I’ve only known you for one night, but yeah. You were.. sweet. You could have taken advantage and you didn’t.”

“Would you like to find out if I should take care of you more often?”

Dean nodded. “It’s just...” he sighed. “I’m not looking for sex. I’m not gay if that’s what you think.”

“That’s okay Dean. This is not about sex, at all. This is about a father and a son, am I right? You need to be able to let go?”

This Castiel knew what he was talking about, didn’t he? “What do you know about Littles?” Dean asked him.

“Littles?”

“The psychiatrist said I’m a Little. Just not one of free will. My mind makes me, I can’t stop it.” Dean mumbled. His eyes were staring at the floor. He felt Castiel stop rubbing his back, but instead carding his fingers through Dean’s hair. It was a gentle touch, something Dean had not felt since… his mom.

“So I understand you need to be able to just be a child?”

“Well, yeah... I regress to a state of being a one year old I guess. I lose a lot of coordination and control, and my vocabulary and understanding adjusts as well. I don’t usually remember much about my time spent in regression. It’s why I take precautions. People have taken advantage of it.”

Castiel gripped an arm tight around Dean, and Dean reveled in the touch. It felt so good and warm. “I will never take advantage of you, Dean.”

“Two weeks?” Dean asked.

“Two weeks.”

“Yeah…okay, I guess.”

Castiel rubbed his back then, and gave Dean a kiss on his temple. This was getting way too emotional for Big Dean . “Do you have anything you need to do today or in the next few days, Dean?”

“No, why?”

“Then we’re going on a road trip back to my house, to start our two weeks. It’s about an eight hour drive though.”

“My Impala is up to that. Question is, is your Lincoln?” Dean grinned, while wiping away a tear. Castiel pretended he didn’t notice, not wanting to upset Dean.

“Hey, don’t disrespect my car, young man,” Castiel said with a glint of laughter in his eyes.

And so they packed, Dean putting all his stuff in the Impala, and Castiel his in the Lincoln. They drove all day, stopping a few times. Over lunch, Dean told Cas more about how his life had been these last two years. He didn’t want to tell him about his father and Sam too much, not fully trusting Castiel as of yet. If that moment did come, he’d tell him, but in his own time. The last couple of hours of driving were peaceful and sometimes Dean would let his baby purr a bit. He’d overtake Castiel’s Lincoln easily and smile widely at the other man as he drove past. It would usually be just a couple of minutes before Castiel would do the exact same thing, wanting to be in the lead again. After all, Castiel was the one who knew the way home. The sun was setting as they both got out of their cars, Dean ogling the massive house Castiel owned.

“Want to go to the beach first, Dean? That way we can walk over to my neighbor and pick up my dog. I’ve missed him. “ Castiel said, as he watched Dean closely.

“You live near the beach? Awesome! And you have a dog?!”

“Yes.” Castiel smirked.

“What kind of dog?”

“A German Shepherd.”

Dean smiled widely. “Always wanted a dog…” he mumbled to himself.

“What’s that Dean?”

“Oh, nothing Cas.”

Dean was feeling very good about this. He hadn’t told Castiel yet about the occasional times he’d regress to full infancy, but he would tell him in the future.

Chapter Text

The trip back to his house went smoothly, they had stopped a couple of times to stretch their legs and fuel up, and for Dean to get something to eat. Dean had told him some more about his life and Castiel was intrigued. Both by his stories and his appetite. That boy ate like a horse.

Castiel made a mental note to go grocery shopping tomorrow, because he’d need to stock up. He wanted Dean to never be hungry again. Feeling how skinny the boy was after he’d had him in his arms, was a warning sign in itself.

After they had arrived at Castiel’s home, and Dean had come down from the shock to see the mansion in which Castiel lived, they had gone to the beach. Walking along the sand to go to the neighbor’s house about a mile away to pick up Jax. Dean immediately took a liking to the dog, playing with him, tossing a ball in the ocean and running alongside him. Jax reveled in the attention, and so did Dean. Castiel wondered if Dean had ever had a pet before.

When they got back, he had told Dean to make himself comfortable in the living room. He himself went up to one of the guestrooms, and made arrangements for Dean to sleep there. Fresh sheets, an open window and some towels were laid out.

Castiel had had time to think about how he was going to accommodate Dean, and had decided that for the two week period, he would use this guest bedroom as both a room for Big Dean and Little Dean. If Dean wanted to stay after the two week period, he’d stay in that guest room for when he was Big, and he’d turn one of the other guest rooms into a nursery. He had the funds to make that happen, and he was sure it would make Dean a lot more comfortable to understand he was fully accepted. What kid didn’t want a room of their own? He wondered if Dean ever had his own room, or not. Either way he’d make something spectacular for Dean and was wondering if Dean would be willing to help decorate it, if the time would come.

Castiel reckoned it would also be easier for Dean to not be reminded daily about his regression, so when he was Big, they would simply lock the nursery, and keep Little items stashed in there too. Dean had mentioned it happened about two to three times a week, but that it varied with his stress levels. If his stress levels were high, he’d regress more often, which would resolve into more stress, making a cycle of constant regression. That had only happened to Dean once, and it wasn’t until he could find a hospital in his small amount of time being Big, that he had survived. He was severel y malnourished and dehydrated, and the hospital had him stay there for over four days. It was enough to get him back on track, and Dean had told Castiel he never wanted it to go that far ever again. Castiel understood why. It must have been terrifying.

He wanted to take care of Dean, but that also meant that he wanted Dean to be happy.

He knew that Dean’s regression was not of his own free will, and that Dean wasn’t happy about it. It was a burden in his life.

The only thing Castiel could do, in his mind, was to take care of Dean as best as possible while he was regressed. And when he was Big, too. If he could get Dean to fully trust him, and for Dean to understand that this wasn’t about sex or a relationship (other than caregiving), maybe he could help him to a state in which he wouldn’t regress anymore.

Even though Castiel loved taking care of Little Dean, he knew the ultimate goal was to get Dean into a state where he would be Big all the time. But, if Castiel was being honest with himself, he didn’t know if he liked that. He’d want to take care of Dean for much longer.
Deciding to put selfishness aside, and put selflessness first, he was curious to see what these two weeks would bring him. After readying the guest room, he walked back downstairs, to find Dean asleep on the couch, the TV set to a sports channel. Jax was lying on the floor, sleeping as well, but waking up as soon as he heard Castiel.

Cas grinned. “Such a suck-up you are, Jax. You just want dinner.”

Jax just followed Castiel into the kitchen, and sat down, waiting patiently for his bowl.

After Jax had been given his meal, Castiel made some dinner for the humans of the household. While the pasta was boiling, he made a grocery list, which was getting extremely long. He never ate much himself, but he knew Dean’s appetite and didn’t want to disappoint.

While he was jotting down some more groceries, he heard feet shuffling and he looked up. Dean was standing in the doorway, with a serious case of bed head.

“Sleep well?”

“Yeah man…your couch is so soft. No lumps or nothing.”

Castiel chuckled. “I’m writing a grocery list for tomorrow. Anything you’d like ?”

“Oh... uhmm. Well, I don’t know. Whatever you like.”

“Dean, just tell me your favorite foods.” His tone brooked no arguments.

“Fine. I like burgers and pies. Beer. And when I’m Little...” Dean blushed.

Castiel looked at him with questioning eyes. “When you’re Little, what Dean? What do you like then?”

“Mashed banana, orange juice, and those pureed jars with peas and carrots. And apple sauce. Well at least…I think I’d like that. I can only give myself cold bottles.”

Castiel didn’t even blink at what Dean said, and just wrote down everything on to the list. He added some more things he knew children liked, but didn’t tell Dean. The next time Dean would regress, Castiel would make him eat something other than a bottle. And when he did get milk, he’d make damn sure it wasn’t cold. He’d look into special formula, designed to fit the needs of an adult body.

Dean was feeling a bit awkward, he could tell, but Castiel would never judge him on what Dean liked when he was Little. On the Big part, however, “Dean. Burgers and pies ? That’s not exactly a healthy diet.”

“You’re no fun.”

“Well. I guess we can eat burgers tomorrow. And pick up a pie. Just promise me not to eat the whole thing in one go, all right?”

“Sorry Cas, can’t promise you that.” Dean grinned.

Grocery list finished for the moment, Castiel went back to check on dinner and stir the pan, and Dean was watching out the window. “Look Cas, if you need help with money for the groceries, I still have some cash in my car, I mean I...”

“Don’t worry about money, Dean. When you’re with me, I pay. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, money is no issue for me.”

Dean just rubbed at the back of his neck and looked down at the kitchen floor. “Okay, well, guess I’ll just watch some more TV now. And you know, make use of that awesome couch.”

“You do that. We’ll eat dinner on the couch, I’ll be there in fifteen.”

Dean walked out of the kitchen, and Castiel stared at the empty doorway until the timer went off,
thinking about how shy Dean had been just now.

After filling two plates with pasta and cheese, he walked over to the living room. Giving a plate to Dean, he settled down on the other end of the sofa and they ate in silence, watching a re-run of a football game.

With their dinner in their stomachs, Castiel noticed Dean getting a bit antsy. He didn’t mention it though, but decided to wait to see what would happen.

After a few moments, Dean turned to face Castiel. “Why would you do this? I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again... you have no idea what you’re getting yourself in to.”

When Castiel just looked at him, and didn’t respond, Dean spoke up once again. “Don’t you think this is all a bit too…easy? I mean, yeah, obviously I can’t be alone when I become Little, but I’ve managed so far, and why would you even want that? And then I’m like, okay, I’ll go home with this dude, see what’s up, and you’re fucking rich, and so nice, so, well, you’ve gotta be gay, right? Else you wouldn’t do this.”

“Me being gay or not should not be an issue. You need to understand that I don’t want a sexual relationship with you. I would like to take care of you. Because it seems to me nobody has done that in a long time. Every touch I give you, you try to hold on. I’m curious to see who Dean Winchester would be when he’s finally at peace with himself and his surroundings. And I would very much like to try and make that happen.”

Dean just stared at Castiel, not really knowing how to reply to such an honest, and kind answer.

Castiel continued. “As I said, give me two weeks. Two weeks to let me show you how life could be. If you would like to stay after the two weeks are over, I will see to it that you get a special room for when you’re Little. We can see if we can get you a job in town, if you would like that. Don’t see this as charity. Look at this as a mutual interest. I feel the need to take care of you, to make sure you are happy. I will take care of you when you are Little. If you need someone to take care of you when you are Big, I would be happy to oblige. If you ever need a hug or a cuddle, a good conversation or just the two of us watching a movie, tell me. I can make that happen. While you’re here, I expect you to help me around the house when you’re Big. Tend to the garden, maybe see if you can spruce up my car a bit, and I have some things that need fixing in the house. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but I think you’re quite handy with tools, yes?”

“Yeah I could help with that. So you’d... you’d be willing to take that on?”

“Yes, Dean.” Serious blue eyes looked at the younger man.

“Huh.” Dean looked lost, just staring into nothing, wondering about what Castiel had just said to him.

Castiel stood up from the couch, ruffled Dean’s hair, and took the dirty dishes to the kitchen. “And help me clean the dishes!” he called out, pulling Dean out of his head. After the two men had done the dishes, Castiel took a walk with Jax, while Dean hauled his Little stuff from the trunk and unpacked.

Upon returning, the house was quiet. Castiel turned off all the lights, and went to check on Dean. He opened the door a bit and saw that Dean was already fast asleep. He didn’t blame him; it had been a long day with a lot to think about.

Leaving Dean to sleep peacefully, Castiel headed to the master suite to get ready for bed himself, then fell deeply asleep.

The following morning Castiel was up early. Dean was still asleep. He didn’t know if he would get a Little or a Big Dean today. After letting Jax out into the garden and feeding him, he went to check on Dean. Softly, he knocked at the door, but hearing no reply he opened it a bit. “Dean...?”

“Hmm...?” was the only answer he got.

“Wake up. It’s 9am. We need to go grocery shopping.”

“Can’t we do that at like... noon or something?” Dean grumbled still half asleep.

Castiel laughed. Looked like Big Dean was still in the picture, and that Dean was a grumpy person in the morning. “Nope. Breakfast, and then we hit the town. Be down in ten.”

“Okay Cas.” Dean said, but still not moving from the bed. Dean probably loved the memory foam mattress, was Castiel’s best guess.

Castiel walked into the room and swiftly opened the curtains, causing the room to fill with the rays of sunshine, one of them directly at Dean’s face.

“Awww maaaan !! Did you have to do that?! That’s just cruel.”

“Eight more minutes, or you’re not getting any bacon.”

That worked. Dean was up in no time, and when Castiel put the last strips of bacon on Dean’s plate, he had just walked in.

They ate in silence, and after that Castiel grabbed some reusable bags and his wallet. Grabbing the keys for his Lincoln, the two set off for the supermarket.

After filling the cart with everything ranging from pureed baby food to fruit and beer and burgers, they went to the cash register. The cart was pretty full, so it took some time to get everything scanned and paid for. There was only one register open, and a line was beginning to form. The man waiting in line behind them, was looking at his watch every few seconds, which made Dean feel irritated. “Have you got someplace you need to be or something? You could’ve just asked, we could’ve let you go first, man.”

“Sorry, I don’t speak to fags.” The man calmly replied.

Castiel’s eyes widened in surprise, but Dean just got angry. “Excuse me?”

“Like I can’t tell. Two men who look nothing alike, buying baby food and shit? What, faggots are raising kids now?”

“You take that back. You take that back, right now. You have no idea what you’re talking about!” Dean practically shouted.

“Well you’re not denying it.” The man sneered.

Dean was ready to jump the man, Castiel could see. He grabbed Dean by his shoulder and whispered into his ear. “It’s okay. He doesn’t know. He’s ignorant. Let it go. I’m here, Dean.”

This seemed to calm him down a bit. Castiel made sure Dean was behind him, as the cart was filled again.

When they walked over to the car, Castiel put the groceries in the trunk. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Dean was still deeply affected by the man’s words, like his brain was trying to comprehend what just happened. Castiel was used to homophobic comments, this was not the first time he had heard something like that. But for Dean, this was a new ball game.

The fact that the man had also mentioned the baby food and raising children, probably reminded him that being a Little wasn’t socially accepted. It once again confirmed to Dean how he was not mentally stable. Castiel disagreed on this; his opinion was that Dean’s brain was just trying to cope the best way it could, but he could see that it caused Dean a lot of pain.

“Dean, go sit in the car. I’ll bring the cart back and then we’re going to drive home. We’ll go to the beach with Jax, and have a nice day. That sound good?”

“Yeah...” Dean went to sit in the car, and Castiel took the cart back.

When he got back in the car, Dean’s eyes were unfocused.

“ Cas.. it’s happening, we need to go home...” he mumbled. Castiel was distraught at how fearful Dean sounded.

“It’s okay little man... let go. Daddy’s here.” He said, while stroking Dean’s hair.

“Can’t... not yet. Don’t wanna… wanna stay big...”

Castiel pulled Dean towards him, so he could keep an arm around him while they drove home. Heading up the driveway, about ten minutes later, Dean had fully regressed. He was sucking his thumb and leaning heavily against Castiel. The older man felt good about the fact that Dean trusted him enough not to fight his regression, but at the same time he was terrified. He hoped that he would do a good job as a Daddy.

Getting out of the car, he pulled Dean with him, and hoisted him up into his arms. Dean rested his head on Castiel’s shoulder, still sucking his thumb. Castiel walked into Dean’s room, and put him on the bed.
Dean was tired, he could tell. His eyes were droopy, and he wasn’t moving. Grabbing a diaper, the Little clothes and a pacifier, he got to work. When Dean was in his outfit, he gathered the baby into his arms once again, and went to the living room, where he sat with Dean for a bit. He put on the BabyTV channel, and Dean was watching it with interest, until sleep took him. Castiel stroked his hair, and kissed him on top of his head.

Carrying Dean to his room once again, he laid him down and tucked him in.

After making sure that Dean was comfortable, he got to work. He unloaded the car, hoping the frozen stuff was still okay. He quickly shoved those items in the freezer and unpacked everything else. Then he gave Jax his bowl. The old dog had been sitting and waiting ever since they arrived back home. Castiel stroked his head.

‘’ Brought you some new cookies. Maybe Dean can teach you some tricks, huh? Never too old to learn, old boy. ‘’

After that, Castiel settled at the kitchen table with his laptop. He went online, and ordered several things. A baby monitor and some more adult diapers, powder, cream and toys. Feeling bold, he also looked at some adult sized cribs, changing tables and playmats, as well as more onesies and sleeping bags. He didn’t order any of that yet, he would do that if the two weeks were successful. The prices were high, but he knew he could afford them easily, and he only wanted the best quality for his baby.

It was a strange sensation to feel so comfortable about all of this. He expected it to be more…awkward, but Dean was okay with it, he could tell. Sure, he might find it a struggle when he was Big, but when he was a Little, he trusted Cas completely. He needed both Big and Little Dean to be comfortable around him, which was going to be a challenge, but Dean had already expressed that Castiel made him feel at home. Encouraged by that statement, he browsed some more, finding out all kinds of things about the world of adult babies.

It wasn’t until sometime later, that he heard his boy calling for him. “Daddy…! Daddie-ie-iehhhhh...” His boy was crying. Castiel walked to Dean’s room with large steps, and Dean turned to face the door immediately when it was opened. “Daddie-hieee” he sniffled, while holding up his arms.

Castiel scooped him up and stroked him on his back. “Daddy’s here... not going anywhere...” he cooed. He bounced Dean up and down a bit, and the baby relaxed, his legs dangling.

“You like that, huh?”

Dean just giggled a bit, and Castiel fell in love with that giggle. He bounced Dean some more, and soon the boy was much happier. “Hungry?”

“Hmm,” Dean babbled, while snuggling into Castiel’s chest.

Castiel walked to the kitchen, and prepared a warm bottle for Dean. Then he walked over to the sofa, put Dean in a comfortable position against his chest, and gave the baby his bottle. Dean suckled happily, and the bottle was empty within minutes.

Pulling Dean up a bit, and gently clapping his back, he let out a small burp.

Dean giggled at that, and hid his face in Castiel’s shirt.

“Did you just burp on Daddy?”

The giggle became louder.

“Such a silly boy.” Castiel smiled widely, and kissed Dean on his temple.

All of a sudden, the couch wobbled a bit, and both Castiel and Dean looked over to see what happened.
Jax had decided to get on the couch as well and made himself comfortable for a nap. Castiel didn’t normally allow Jax on the couch, but Dean squealed with joy, so he’d let it pass. Just for tonight. Promise. “You like doggy?”

“Do.. ieh. Dogieh!”

“That’s Jax.”

“Jeks!”

Castiel knew Dean didn’t remember much of his time as a little, but this confirmed his theory that Little Dean didn’t remember much about being Big Dean, either. Surely he would have remembered Jax? Anyways, it was a good thing that as well as Big Dean, Little Dean also liked him. If he hadn’t that would have been a problem and he was glad it wasn’t one he had to deal with.

“Jeks, jeks, jeks!” Dean squealed, clapping his hands together in an uncontrolled fashion. Dean wasn’t kidding about his poor motoric skills during regression because he completely missed clapping his hands together at least twice.

It was very adorable.

Chapter Text

Daddy had a dog! It was a big dog. Fluffy. Two big pointy ears. And a big flopping tail! Dean tried to crawl towards the dog, but he almost fell off the couch. Luckily Daddy was there to catch him.

Dean really liked this Daddy person. He was so sweet and he smelled really good. This had to be what all daddies smelled like, he thought. Dean could remember lots of daddies who were not nice. None of them stayed with Dean, they always left him alone and hurt him.

However, this daddy was still here! And he was so sweet. He cuddled Dean. And he kissed him on his hair. And when he changed Dean’s diaper, he tickled his stomach. Dean laughed and giggled so much.

Daddy said it was time to eat. Dean wondered what he would get. He hoped it was a warm bottle. He could grab a bottle by himself, but the milk was always cold. This Daddy person heated it up! And that made it ten times better.

Daddy had carried Dean to the kitchen, and Dean grumbled when he realized he was not getting milk. Why was he not getting milk?! He wanted milk, in a bottle, because that was the only thing he knew.

“Shhh little man. I’ll make you something nice and warm. Don’t cry...” Daddy cooed.

Dean hadn’t realized he was crying. He was telling Daddy he wanted milk!

Daddy grabbed a plate out of the microwave, and there was mushy, orange stuff on it.

They sat down on a chair, Dean in Daddy’s lap. Some of the mushy stuff went on a spoon, and he wanted Dean to put it his mouth. Well, no way mister, Dean thought. It looked terrible. It smelled good. But it looked terrible.

“Open up for Daddy, Dean! “

No. Way. He tightened his lips and hid his face in Daddy’s chest.

“Where did Dean go...?” he said.

Such a silly Dad. He’s right here, you know.

“Daddy!” Dean yelled, letting him know where he was. He grinned, and before he knew it, some of the mushy stuff was in his mouth. He frowned. This was not supposed to happen!

Lapping away the mushy stuff from his lips, Dean noticed that the stuff wasn’t as icky as he thought… it was kinda good! He needed more. Lots more.

He looked at Daddy with big eyes. And he opened his mouth. Daddy understood right away, good Daddy.
Dean ate everything. Cleared the whole plate.

“Such a good boy! You ate all your dinner!” Dean laughed and then nuzzled into Daddy’s neck, until he felt something warm and wet lick at his hand.

“Jeks!” He liked Jeks. Jeks was Dean’s favorite dog in the whole world. Jeks was making Daddy laugh too. Daddy had a very deep laugh, and he made Dean jiggle. Dean giggled when he jiggled. Dean liked Daddy, and he liked Jeks. Dean didn’t ever wanna go.

Daddy was washing Dean’s hands because he said Jeks licking them was yucky. Afterwards he had put Dean down on his playmat, and he gave him his toys. Dean liked playing with his toys. He couldn’t sit for very long, so he laid down on his back and pretended the car he had in his hands, was flying through the air.

He didn’t know how long he had been playing, but he was getting tired. Dean was almost falling asleep.
Daddy picked him up, and he had a bottle for him. Dean snuggled up to his Daddy, his bottle held in both hands. He was careful not to drop it. His hands sometimes didn’t listen very much.

Daddy helped Dean with his bottle. They watched a really cool cartoon with cars in it. The cars talked, that was funny!

Dean was getting tired though.

“Time to go to bed young man!” Daddy said. It’s like Daddy could read his mind. How did he do that?!

Dean cuddled his daddy, and had put his arms around his neck. He hugged Dean tight, and Dean liked it. He liked being cuddled. Before Dean knew it, they were in his bedroom. It was like magic! Daddy laid him down on his bed, and changed Dean’s diaper. He hadn’t realized that he had peed and pooped, but Daddy had. He cleaned Dean up very good. He even put the diaper in a plastic bag! It was so stinky, Dean scrunched up his nose. Daddy laughed when he did that.

Dean laughed when Daddy laughed. Daddy put his face on Dean’s belly. Silly daddy. Then he blows! And there were fart noises! Dean giggled so hard. It felt really weird but also really cool!

Daddy was putting Dean in a onesie with cars. He liked that. He’d never seen this onesie before.

Dean grabbed his pacifier and Daddy’s blanket. He sniffed the blanket thoroughly, because it smelled like Daddy.

Daddy sat down on the bed next to Dean, and pulled him in his arms. What was he doing? He pulled Dean up further, until he was sitting against the headboard, and Dean’s head was on his stomach.

What was happening?

All of a sudden, Daddy grabbed something from the nightstand.

It was a book! A book with pictures.

Daddy opened the book, and he told Dean a story about these really weird animals. They were called dinosaurs. They looked cool! Nobody had ever read Dean a story before. Dean would like for his Daddy to read him stories every time he went to bed. The pictures were awesome. Daddy read really slowly. It’s making Dean’s eyes go closed. He felt very sleepy.

Somewhere Dean felt Daddy tucking him in and kissing Dean on his cheek, but Dean was too tired, so he couldn’t give him a kiss back.

That was a really cool book though. Dean feels Daddy should read that to him again and again and again.

Dean wakes up, and it’s still very dark in his room. His butt was wet. And Daddy was not here! Why was Daddy not here! There could be monsters in this room!

“Daddy!” He called out. He waits a bit, but hears nothing. Oh no… what if the monsters had gotten Daddy? “Daaaaaady!!” He screamed, over and over again.

What if Daddy had left him alone? “Daahhhaa... Daaaaddddieeehhh!”

Great, now he was crying. But, you know, monsters! Who wouldn’t cry when faced with monsters?
Dean was not even screaming anymore, just sobbing quietly... “Daahhaa… dahaadddiee…”

All of a sudden, big strong hands were picking him up, holding him in a warm embrace. “Shhh baby Dean, shhh... Daddy’s here. You’re okay little man, you’re okay.”

Yeah right. Daddy left him! Dean sobbed and sniffled some more. Don’t think you’ll get away with this, mister Daddy. “It’s okay. You’re okay. Daddy will get you a nightlight soon! And a baby monitor...”

Dean didn’t know what a baby monitor was and he didn’t care. He just wanted his Daddy when he called for him! “Dahhdddyy...”

“Shhh... shhh...” and he stroked Dean’s hair. Oh, that felt so good. And Daddy was so warm! Like he just got out of bed. Dean snuggled in deep.

“Let’s get you changed, huh?”

Dean doesn’t respond, he just wanted to stay here in Daddy’s arms forever. Daddy made him feel like he was special. Daddy walked over to the closet and grabbed a diaper and a tube of something.

He had put Dean on the bed, and finally took the squishy thing off his butt. That was better, but the cold air was making him shiver. The tears were back in full force after that, but Daddy was stroking his belly and that calmed him down a bit. Dean was sobbing quietly now, but Daddy cooed at him and was making Dean all drowsy again.

He cleaned Dean up really well, and then he grabbed a tube. What was that stuff supposed to be for? Not that Dean really cared, but still. He decided to trust Daddy and let him do his job, so he just stared at the ceiling, and put three fingers in his mouth. They were kinda nice to chew on for a bit.

He looked around at the room for a while, absentmindedly chewing on his fingers until Daddy noticed. He softly grabbed Dean’s hand and pulled his fingers out. “Don’t chew on your fingers baby Dean. Don’t hurt yourself.”

He wasn’t hurting himself... he thinks. Daddy had his pacie! Well, that’s fine too. He put it in Dean’s mouth and Dean suckled on it with determination.

Daddy had put a new diaper on Dean and closed his onesie.

“Good thing you have bowlegs baby Dean! That makes putting a diaper on you much easier!” Daddy laughed.

Dean didn’t understand what Daddy was saying so he just laughed along with him, making sure the pacie didn’t fall out of his mouth when doing so. Daddy was picking him up again, and gently rocked Dean in his arms until he felt tired. Even though Dean would really like the dinosaur book again, he didn’t know if he could stay awake.

Before he knew it, Daddy had put him in bed again, and he was off to slumberland.

Daddy stroked his hair and kissed Dean on his forehead. He was such a sweet Daddy.

When Dean woke up again, it was to Daddy. But Daddy was talking a bit funny!

“Dean. Wake up. Are you Big or Little now?”

Dean mumbled a bit and pushed his head further into the pillow. He didn’t wanna wake up!

“Big it is, I guess. Do I need to open the curtains again? Or promise you bacon? Because I will open those curtains, Dean. I can see now that you’re not a morning person.”

What the heck was Daddy talking about? Was he mad at him? Dean stared at him with angry eyes. Daddy should have been waking him up with kisses and cuddles. Not with strange words! Daddy never used so many strange words.

“Don’t look at me like that. I hope you can take a look at my car today, it’s making some strange noises. You’re still in your Little clothes. Change and come downstairs, I’ll have breakfast waiting.”

Daddy looked at Dean like he wasn’t even talking to him! He also noticed he didn’t have his pacie in his mouth. That last part freaked Dean out the most.

He rumbled around in the bed, not paying attention to Daddy, who was still standing there, until he found the missing piece of his heart. “Pacie!” he yelled, and plunked the thing in his mouth. He suckled on it with strength, and nuzzled into the pillow for more comfort. He didn’t want to be with Daddy if he was mad. Mad people scared Dean. They had hurt him!

“Baby Dean?” He heard Daddy say. He was talking a lot softer now. Dean slowly turned his head to look at him.

“Daddy mad?” He asked, because he needed to know. If he said yes, he’d hide under the covers.

“Oh, no, no, no sweetheart! No I thought you were - I thought - No baby, Daddy’s not mad.”

“Hmm hmm,” is all Dean could say, and Daddy picked him up. He was happy that Daddy was acting normal now. Daddy cuddled him. Finally! That’s what he should have done in the first place!

He put Dean down again, and changed his diaper. He put him in some big boy clothes, but Dean liked them! Then he picked Dean up again, and they walked to the kitchen. Dean saw pancakes. Yum.

Daddy had cut them up into little pieces and he fed the baby boy. Dean really liked the pancakes. He sometimes would let Dean grab a piece of pancake with his hands and sometimes he could get it in his mouth! Not all the time though.

Dean made a mess of his face, but Daddy didn’t mind. Daddy washed his face and hands with a soft cloth afterwards, and then they went to the beach!

Daddy took Jeks with him too! And they sat on the beach, with Dean in Daddy’s lap, and they watched the small waves. It was really cool. It was very windy, but Daddy had put him in a coat and he has a scarf on, so he was nice and warm.

Daddy cuddled him, and Jeks was running around in the water. This was so cool.

Dean watched the water for a long time. Daddy was holding him. No, wait... Cas was holding him.

Dean was getting confused, now. He watched the waves some more. About fifteen minutes later he’s back to being Big Dean. The last thing he remembered, was sitting in the car after that awful man at the supermarket was being so rude. No wait… He remembers something about dinosaurs?

Dean turned around to face Cas.

“Dinosaurs?” He asked.

“Want me to read to you again, baby Dean?” Cas asked, with the sweetest voice.

Dean looked at Cas with wonder. “No. I’m...I just got back.”

Dean didn’t know how else to say it. Castiel seemed to understand immediately.

“I uh, I read you a children’s book about dinosaurs before you went to sleep last night.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. You really liked it. You fell asleep halfway through the first chapter. It was endearing.”

Dean didn’t really know what to say to that.

“You’re so… kind, Castiel. I know I don’t remember, but thank you. That’s… that’s just really sweet. That you would even think about doing such a thing. Reading me a book.”

“It’s what Dad’s do, right?” Cas asked with an open voice.

“Not my dad. Well... you know what I mean.” Dean mumbled. He was looking at his hands, carding his fingers through the soft sand.

“I think I understand, Dean.”

Dean played with the sand absentmindedly, and Jax came by with his tennis ball, dropping it in Dean’s lap. Without thinking about it, Dean grabbed it and he threw it away as far as possible, looking at the dog with soft eyes, before staring back down to his fingers.

Dean spoke up. “I can’t talk about him. Not yet.”

“You don’t have to,’’ Cas replied. ‘’ take your time. “

“Okay.”

Castiel was stroking Dean’s back. “Do you want to go back to the house, Dean?”

“Can we just...stay here for a bit?”

“Want me to sit beside you?” Castiel asked, thinking Big Dean might not want to be this physically close right now. He didn’t want to pressure Dean into staying put.

Dean thought it over. “No. Can we just, stay like this? Can I stay in your…in your lap?” He almost whispered, cheeks turning a bit red.

“Of course, Dean.”

“I swear it’s like I’m turning into a girl or something, man,” Dean sniffed.

“Don’t ever apologize for asking something that you truly need,” Cas said, as he pulled Dean into an embrace, and kissed him on top of his hair. Castiel brushed away a tear on Dean’s face with his thumb.

Castiel continued. “I don’t know your story. I don’t know what kind of horrible things happened to you. If you feel you can trust me enough to tell me, in time, I will be there for you. If you let me, I can help build you a life here. The offer stands. Don’t feel like you have to decide right away. Take your time, take these weeks and see where it takes you.”

Dean sighed. “There is something that I do feel I need to tell you now.”

“Remember Dean. Only if you want to.” Castiel pointed out.

“It’s about when I regress.”

“What about it?” Castiel asked with a questioning voice.

“Well, usually I’m around one years old, sometimes two. But there have been times, where I have been so stressed out, that I go back to infancy. I can’t do anything then. Just lay on my back, gurgle a bit and stare at the ceiling. If that happens I don’t want you to get scared. I won’t be as... responsive, I guess.’’
Dean was now stroking Jax’ back, who was worn out from playing, and had decided to take residency next to the two men. Dean finds that Jax calms him down when he’s feeling insecure or sad. Castiel did the same thing, but on a different level. As he rubbed Jax his back, he continued.

‘’The first time it happened to me was a bitch. My body was sore, because I had been laying on the floor for about seven hours, my skin was raw because I had been covered in my own… well, you know, and I wasn’t able to drink or nothing because at those times I can’t even grab a bottle. So just, don’t freak out when that happens.” Dean looked at Castiel, trying to figure out his response, as the older man hadn’t said anything back yet.

Castiel stared at the sea. Like he was thinking about what kind of care it would require him to give to Dean if he ever regressed that far. Dean immediately felt like he had said too much, that Castiel would now realize that Dean was even more messed up than he had originally thought. He decided to give Castiel an out.

“Cas, if you don’t wanna do this anymore now you know this, I understand, it’s just I, I thought it would be crucial information for y-”

“Dean. Dean, stop. That’s not what I was thinking about. God, I… I was just thinking about how hard this must be on you. I can’t imagine it. I try, but I can’t. If you ever regress to that state, just... Just know that I will be there for you. I’ll take total care of you. Just like I do when you regress to normal Little Dean.” Castiel carded his hand through Dean’s hair and Dean leaned into the touch.

Dean didn’t know of a way to thank Castiel enough. How could a man be this selfless?

Dean had never felt more at home. After a while, they walked back to the house, talking about random things, Jax jogging alongside them.

When they got back to the house, Castiel cleared his throat. “Dean, don’t forget, you’ve still got ah...”

“What?”

Castiel waved in the general direction of Dean’s crotch. Dean frowned. What was Castiel talking about?

“Diaper.”

Dean coughed and sputtered a bit. “Oh, yeah, of course, yeah okay.”

Dean had forgotten about that. He hadn’t even noticed he was wearing one. He turned red a little bit. Dean walked up to his room, and after taking off the diaper and getting into boxers and jeans, he went downstairs.

Meanwhile Castiel cleaned up any evidence of Little Dean’s visit and then started making lunch.

When Dean came into the kitchen, Castiel looked at him with a smile, two plates in his hands. Club sandwiches, nice. Dean wanted to say ‘thank you’ to Castiel for everything the older man had done for him so far, but he’s finding it difficult to find the right words. He tried anyways.

“Cas, I know by now that you’re amazing. Taking care of me. I mean, reading a book about dinosaurs? Doing these extra things for me when I’m little, when it’s not necessary? It’s just... and you change my diapers, and that embarrasses me, but then again I don’t remember, but it must be nasty man, and…”

“Dean, let me stop you right there. When you’re Little, you are someone completely else. You have no shame. You chew on your fingers, for crying out loud. You are a baby. That means that you do not have to apologize for anything. I will keep telling you this until it is hardwired into your brain, Dean Winchester.’’ Castiel exclaims, while they walked towards the sofa. He set the plates on the table and then turned to Dean.

‘’I will take care of you. I will keep you safe. When you are Little, I will be there. When you are Big, I will be there too. Don’t you ever dare to apologize about anything regarding your behavior as a Little. Changing your diaper is not nasty. You enjoy it greatly when you’re clean again. It’s just one part of taking care of you. And these extra things you mentioned? They are not ‘extra’. They are necessary for you to feel safe. I would read you a hundred books a day if it made you happy. Do you understand?”

Dean nodded.

“Good. The keys for the Lincoln are in the left cabinet, top drawer. After lunch, take her out for a spin, see what’s wrong with her. When you come back, I’ll have some pie waiting for you. Deal?”

“Deal. What I just wanted to say was...Thank you Cas.”

“You’re welcome, Dean.” Castiel smiled softly, while he grabbed his sandwich.

“Did I really chew on my fingers?” Dean asked, while looking at his hands. He saw no evidence supporting Cas’ statement.

“Yes, you did, it was quite endearing really. But I pulled your hand out of your mouth before you chomped down too hard.” Castiel grinned.

“Thanks again then,” Dean grinned back.

After he finished his sandwich, Dean grabbed the keys and headed out the door, leaving Castiel with Jax, who seemed very interested in some pie.

Chapter Text

Dean and Castiel had a quiet day. Dean figured out what was making the rattling noise on Castiel’s car and Cas directed him to the garage next to his house, which had a supply of tools and enough space to work on the car indoors. Castiel could see that Dean was feeling totally at home while he was working on the Lincoln, singing along to the radio station and being totally immersed in his work.

Castiel decided that if Dean wanted to stay after the two weeks were over, he’d go over to Bobby Singer and ask if he had a job opening for Dean. The boy would do great there and even though Bobby seemed like a tough nut on the outside, on the inside he was just a gruff old teddy bear who wouldn’t mind helping a boy like Dean out.

Bobby had given troubled teens (not that Dean was a teen, but he was going through a tough time) a place to work and learn job skills, then when they were ready to move on, he’d write them a letter of recommendation. Bobby was a good man, Castiel knew it.

Later that evening, the two were on the couch watching Netflix, when Dean all of a sudden blurted out a question.
“What am I like when I’m Little?” he asked, still staring at the television screen.

Castiel was a bit taken aback because he hadn’t even realized Dean was thinking about that. Castiel was just watching television and enjoying his baked potatoes. “Ehhh... what do you want to know?”

“Well, what do I like?”

“Uhm… you are a cuddler. The best way to get you to sleep is warm milk. You didn’t want to try mashed carrots, but after one bite you cleared the entire plate. Dinosaurs make you happy. You call Jax ‘Jeks’ and you squeal and clap your hands every time you see him. You’re addicted to having something in your mouth. If your pacifier isn’t around, you usually go for a thumb or just put fingers in there.“

“Wow.”

“I know. And that’s just after two times of me being with you. I’ll learn more about you as me and Little Dean spend more time together.”

“Do you know if I... I mean he... remembers other people? Like, people that hurt me? Because, I remember waking up a couple of times, beaten and... eh other things, but other than that I couldn’t remember a damn thing.” Dean mumbled, looking at his plate, which was still full.

“That’s a tough question. I do not know. Maybe he does, but he can’t talk. And I don’t want him to think back to those times. Little Dean did ask me once if I was mad and he basically cowered under the covers.”

“What did you do?” Dean asked with a frown.

“It was this morning. I thought you were Big again, because you were grumpy and you didn’t want to get out of bed. I guess that is something you two have in common, huh? Well, anyway, I told you to change into your Big clothes and come downstairs for breakfast, just in a normal tone of voice.
He probably didn’t understand a word and it wasn’t until you started to search for your pacifier that I understood you were still him.” Castiel exclaimed, having set his plate down. He had turned his body towards Dean’s, trying to see his reaction.

“Huh.” Dean raised his eyebrows a bit, but didn’t say anything else.

“So, that happened. But we made up. Had pancakes for breakfast and went to the beach with Jax. That’s when Big Dean, I mean eh... you, came back after a while. I had been under the intention that after a good night’s sleep, Big Dean would automatically return, but I guess it doesn’t work that way.”

Dean sighed. He had also put his plate down, and had tucked his knees up to his chin. He braced his arms around his legs and stared at an empty spot on the floor.
“Nah, it doesn’t. I regress at any given time, sometimes middle of the night and come back when my brain feels ready. I have no way of timing it. So, I just… make sure to have stuff ready to go at all times.”

Castiel decided this would be a good time to bring up his future plans, if Dean wanted to stay. “That’s another thing I wanted to talk to you about, Dean. Right now, we’re just using the one room for you, but after the two weeks are over and if you decided you wanted to stay... I was thinking of making one of the other guestrooms into a nursery. What do you think?”

Dean’s eyes widened.
“You would do that? I mean, I guess, yeah, you’ve got the room, you’ve got like ten rooms with absolutely no purpose, but that’s still... Wow. Just, wow.”

Castiel smiled softly, “Just an idea...”

“It’s a great idea, Cas. I don’t know yet if I’m staying or leaving. Everything has been great so far, but it has just been two days. You’re amazing, really, I just don’t know if I can... if It’s possible for me to … settle down?”

“I understand Dean. I just want you to know what we could do if you do decide to stay.”

“If I do stay, can I help decorate it?” Dean asked, hesitation clearly heard by Castiel.

“Of course, Dean. I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

“I’m curious to see how Little Dean would react to seeing a nursery.” Dean said.

“If that moment should come, I will tell you all about it once you’re big again. Or… maybe I could film it on my phone? Then I could show you later. If you wanted, of course.” Cas explained, with a smile on his face.

“Maybe. Would be weird seeing myself like that, but on the other hand… I’m very curious. Don’t you think it’s weird to talk about me when I’m Little, as it being a different person?”

“No. You are the same person, but Little Dean is... just as we say. Little. He doesn’t understand much. He didn’t know Jax, for instance. Even though you saw him when you were still Big. It is you, as a child. You have the same appetite, you both love Jax, you both like to cuddle, you like cars and both aren’t fans of mornings. I’m sure there are many more similarities we have yet to discover.”

Dean just sighed and stared at the television again, conversation finished for now.

Both men finished their dinner and did the dishes together. Dean took Jax for a walk and Castiel got a bit of work done in his office. Dean really liked Jax, loved to play with him, take him to the beach and teach him tricks. Castiel had always thought that Jax was just lazy, but Dean had endless patience and, granted, the dog would do anything for a cookie.

They went to bed at eleven and got a good night of sleep.

Castiel was still in bed the next morning, when he heard the doorbell ring. Jax started barking frantically. Moments later he heard Dean getting Jax to calm down and opening the door, then talking to someone. After about a minute, the door shut again and Castiel got out of his room.
Dean was in the kitchen making coffee and a box was on the kitchen counter.

“Good, my order arrived.” Castiel said.

“What is it?” Dean asked curiously.

Castiel opened the box, containing a baby monitor, diapers, a nightlight, toys, powder and a bottle warmer.

“Dude, those are some fancy diapers. And a monitor? With a camera? That’s some CSI shit, man.”

Castiel snickered. “Only the best for Little Dean.”

“These are so soft.” Dean said in wonder, as he was taking out a diaper out of the package.

“I picked the ones that were reviewed as best. There’s a whole world of people who are Littles, did you know that?”

“I knew it was a common kink, but… not like this. I didn’t choose this, Cas.”

“I... I understand, Dean. I just want your time when regressed, to be as comfortable as possible. The website gave me all kinds of tips and tricks and what products were best, so these are the ones I picked.”

Dean sighed.

“What’s wrong, Dean?” Castiel asked, having noticed Dean’s discomfort.

Dean grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table, looking at the box with the monitor. While he was looking at the packaging he started to talk.
“This. I mean. I know I’m repeating myself, but you being so kind. Getting me expensive stuff. On the one hand I really like this stuff and somewhere in the back of my mind I know Little Dean will absolutely love it, but on the other hand, I don’t regress because I want to. It just... happens. I’m not okay with that. I fight it every step of the way. But seeing this stuff just makes me all fuzzy inside, so it’s like I’m fighting two battles at once. I like it, but then again, I don’t. You understand?”

“I think I do. If you want me to put this stuff away into another room, I understand.” Castiel said, slowly putting all the stuff back in the box.

“Yeah, just... yeah. But don’t think I’m ungrateful. If anything, it’s the opposite. Just being reminded of it makes me think about it too much. And I just want to be able to let it go. And I know I can, when I’m with you.” Dean took a sip of coffee and watched as Castiel closed the box.

“It’s okay Dean,’’ Castiel said, now grabbing his own cup of caffeine. ‘’ I’ll put it away and then we’ll have breakfast. What time is it anyways?”

“8am.” Dean grumbled.

“That’s too early for you to be awake,” Castiel grinned.

“Don’t mock me, old man!” Dean sneered back with laughter, “I’m making pancakes, by the way,” he added.

“Dean, we had pancakes yesterday.”

“Yeah... not that I remember.”

Castiel blamed himself immediately. Dean had just told him he didn’t want to be reminded and now Castiel just did. “My apologies, Dean, I didn’t mean to remi-” and all of a sudden Dean was in front of him, spatula in hand.

“Don’t apologize for feeding me my favorite breakfast, next to waffles, when I’m Little. Now do I need to whack you with this spatula, or are you going to allow me to make some fine ass pancakes?” he asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

“Pancakes will be fine.” Castiel said, staring right back at Dean. Castiel would give Little Dean some waffles next time.

~*~

It had been three days since pancake morning and Dean hadn’t regressed since. He was enjoying his time at Castiel’s house, Castiel was sure of it.

Dean had serviced the Lincoln, washed it and waxed it. He had done the same with the Impala and the two cars made a beautiful pair, sitting outside of Castiel’s home. Dean and Jax spent a lot of time together, Dean’s favorite place being the beach, where he’d take a tennis ball and throw it in the water for Jax to follow. The dog was exhausted most days, but that was good and for Dean too. It was a relaxed way to think everything through. Dean had cooked twice and was not a bad chef. Neither was Castiel, so whoever felt like cooking that day, would take that task.

Sometimes Dean had moments where he’d just stare into the distance and at those times Castiel would leave him alone, knowing Dean wasn’t really in a space to talk with anyone. Other times, when Castiel would be working in his office down the hall or just doing something random, Dean suddenly would come up to him and Castiel would know what he wanted with just a look in his eyes.

Castiel would open his arms and Dean would shuffle towards him, keeping his own hands against his chest and Castiel would envelop him in his arms. It was like the boy had never had any kind of paternal affection before. Sometimes it would be ten seconds before Dean would pull away, other times they’d stand there for minutes. Sometimes Dean cried, sometimes he didn’t. Castiel would soothe him with kind words, but he didn’t bring it up when Dean was okay again. Dean just knew he could always come to Cas if he was not feeling right.

There were times spent on the couch where each would sit in their own spot, just watching television or reading a book and there were other times, when Dean would snuggle up to Castiel. Castiel always made sure to touch Dean as a form of encouragement. He never wanted Dean to feel rejected by Castiel in any way. Castiel would squeeze his hand if Dean was phasing out a bit, he’d clap him on the shoulder after a funny remark, or ruffle his hair. Dean craved the touch.

This evening, Castiel was sitting on the couch, reading a book when Dean came into the room, looking a bit out of place. He sat down on the far end.

“Anything good on TV? ” he asked.

“No, mostly rubbish, as usual. So I’m just reading now, but if you want to watch television, that’s okay.”

Dean grabbed the remote, but finding nothing that attracted him either, he shut it off too. “What are you reading?” Dean asked, scooting closer to Castiel on the couch.

Castiel automatically lifted his left arm to let Dean snuggle up under him and Dean had his head on Castiel’s chest in seconds. It seemed Dean needed some attention.

“Stranger in a strange land? That a good book?”

Castiel grinned. “Yeah. Some would consider it a good book. A lot of people do. I’ve read it a couple of times now, but sometimes I just want to read it again.”

“Sounds cool.”

“What books do you like, Dean?”

Dean thought it over for a bit. “I don’t really read books... more magazines and stuff. Do you think you have something I would like?”

“What genre would you be interested in? Fantasy, true stories, detectives, you name it, I probably have it.”

“I watched a Harry Potter movie once.” Dean mumbled. He didn’t mention the fact that it was Sammy who had basically forced him. Still, he had liked The Boy Who Lived.

“I have all seven books, want to start on the first one? They are truly a joy to read.”

Dean was quiet. Too quiet. Castiel looked down to where Dean’s head was and stroked Dean’s back. “Dean?” Castiel heard him sniffling and he stroked his hand through Dean’s hair. The man started to breathe a bit faster. “Dean, tell me.”

“Why wouldn’t… why wouldn’t my dad ever do this with me...?” he choked out. “H-he never... never let me read for f-fun. Or w-watch wh-what I want on TV…. o-oo-or, or, touch me…. he.. he never, n-never di-h-did... Like I was... w-was... disgusting, or, or f-filthy…” Dean said, as the crying increased.

Castiel put his book away and pulled Dean into his lap, not caring that this was still Big Dean. He let Dean cry and get it all out for a minute and then proceeded to whisper soft words of encouragement to him.
“It’s okay Dean... you’re okay... Things will work out. I don’t know what exactly happened between you and your father, but I do know that the way he treated you... it’s going to take time to get over that. And I’ve got you Dean… I’ve got you. It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay. Let me take care of you. Let me help you make a life of your own.”

“You... y-you w-want me to l-leave...?” Dean whispered.

“No, Dean, no. Of course not. That’s not what I mean. I mean let’s find you a job, find out what your hobbies are in addition to fixing cars. You can stay here as long as you want, I told you that. If you want to stay here until you’re ninety, be my guest. I’d love the company.”

“O-okay…” he hiccupped.

“What do you say about me reading the first chapter of the first Harry Potter book to you?”

“I’m not Little now…”

“Does it really matter? You said you never had this. Never had ‘normal’ childhood experiences. Let me read to you. This is a memory you can keep, because you’re Big now. When you’re Little I read to you, but you don’t remember that when the regression ends again. This, you will remember. Wouldn’t you like to know what it feels like to be read to?”

“I guess...” Dean hesitated.

Castiel decided to push Dean a bit to help him over his hesitation.
“The book is on the top shelf, left side. It’s Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. Take it and come sit with me.”

Dean stood up from Castiel’s lap, wiped away his last tears and got the book.

Dean sitting down next to Castiel, Castiel lifted his arm again so Dean could scoot under and the older man spoke up.
“Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you’d expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn’t hold with such nonsense...”

After Chapter one, the hiccups and the sniffling were gone. After chapter two, Dean was smiling softly. In the middle of chapter three, Dean was fast asleep. Castiel closed the book and carried Dean to his room. He undressed Dean to his boxers and tucked him in. He got the book from the living room and placed it on Dean’s nightstand. Castiel kissed him on his forehead and whispered to Dean. “I’m sorry you never had the childhood you deserved. I will try and make it better for you.”

He walked out of the room and closed the door softly. He knew he would do anything he could to make Dean feel safe and loved. He wiped down a tear from his cheek and started getting ready for bed himself.

Chapter Text

“Dean!” Castiel yelled across the yard.

Dean was busy playing tug of war with Jax and the dog wouldn’t give up without a fight. The younger man released the rope suddenly, making Jax almost tumble backwards. Dean laughed at the old dog, loving how the animal could make him so happy.

“Bring the rope here, boy, come on!”

“Gooood boy” Dean said, as Jax brought him the rope.

Dean walked back to the house and put the thing away, in fear that Jax might chew on it so much he’d accidently swallow some. He didn’t want to be responsible for a sick Jax.

Castiel stood on the porch. “I’ve got to go into town for a few things, do you want to come with? Or do you want to stay here?”

Dean thought about this. He wanted to play with Jax some more, and he was going to mow the lawn later. Even though Castiel had people come in weekly for the yard and the house, some things still needed doing and Dean was happy to do so. “I’ll stay here.” Dean said.

“Do you have a cell phone by any chance? I’ve never seen you with one. But if I need to contact you, or you me…” Castiel said, while making a gesture with his hands, indicating calling someone.

“Yeah I have one. It’s in the Impala. The battery’s probably empty, but I can charge it up,” Dean walked over to the Impala and pulled his phone and charger out of the dashboard cabinet. He never even missed the thing. Maybe that was because Castiel never fiddled with his, either.

“Great. Can you give me your number? I don’t have a landline, only sales people call on that anyway.” Castiel said with a roll of his eyes.

“Sure,” Dean said, and he typed his number into Castiel’s cell.

“Good. I’ll write mine down for you to put in your phone when it’s charged enough,” Castiel scribbled his number on a piece of paper and placed it next to Dean’s charging phone.

As it was charging, the phone had automatically turned on. Castiel was getting his coat and putting his shoes on, and Dean saw he had two new messages. Well, that was unexpected. He hadn’t checked his phone in almost a week. Nobody ever called or texted him anyway.

Sam: So, I just heard dad has been arrested. Again. They called me because they didn’t have your information. Really, Dean? I am not paying his bail. And if you’re thinking about it right now; neither should you! Let the old man rot.

Sam: The silent treatment, Dean? Really? Still mad that I left and made a life of my own? Pathetic. You should be proud of me.

“Castiel! I changed my mind. I’m coming with you.” Dean said, as he angrily walked past Castiel, who was almost at his car, and went to sit in the passenger seat of the Lincoln.

Castiel frowned, and then decided to let Dean talk. If he wanted to. “You don’t have to say anything, but if you want, I’m here,” was all he said to Dean.

Dean just nodded and looked out the window.

When Castiel parked at the supermarket, both men went inside. The trip to the supermarket was done in silence, Dean sometimes seeking touch by briefly touching Castiel’s hand or leaning into him when Castiel was once again reading a label. They stayed a while at the baby food section, Castiel picking up all kinds of things, wanting Little Dean to have a bit of diversity in his diet.

“It’s the only time I can get you to eat healthy,” Castiel teased.

Dean smiled softly at that, and slowly his mood became a bit better.

When they were walking back to the car, Dean finally decided to open up about what triggered this.

“Sorry. I saw that I had two text messages from my brother, Sam. They made me feel…. alone. And stupid, I guess. Dad had been arrested again. Sam thought I was ignoring his text. Ignoring him ! He hasn’t talked to me in two years! And he gets mad because I didn’t reply to a text? It’s just so... so frustrating, Cas! Makes me so pissed! “

Castiel said nothing and put their items in the trunk of the car. When he closed the trunk, Dean was standing at the passenger’s side, hands in his pockets, just staring at the ground. Castiel walked over to him and gave him a hug. Dean melted against him, not getting his hands out of his pockets, but just leaning into him. Castiel gave him a kiss on his temple and pressed him close one more time, before letting go and walking over to the other side.

“Let’s go Dean. We’re going home.”

Home, Dean thought to himself. He liked the sound of that.

After a short ride with Dean finally learning to appreciate music that wasn’t classic rock, they arrived back at the house. Dean immediately went to the kitchen, grabbed his phone and turned it off, shoving it into one of the drawers. He’d only turn it on if Cas was away, he said to himself. Castiel hauled in some groceries and Dean went to help him.

“Cas, wanna watch Indiana Jones tonight?” Dean asked, trying to get his brother out of his mind.

“Indiana who?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“…No?” Castiel said, with wide eyes. Dean knew Castiel wasn’t a big fan of movies, but how could someone not know Indiana Jones?

“Well, we’re watching the first one tonight. Do we have popcorn?” Dean grinned.

“Of course, Dean.”

Dean made a thumbs up gesture toward Castiel, then headed outside. He was going to mow the lawn, as intended.

Getting the lawn mower out of the shed, he walked it over to the corner of the grass field, and started the engine. While he was mowing, his mind was wandering, thinking about Sam’s stupid text messages, and he felt himself get more and more angry. And helpless. He’d been doing just fine these last couple of days at Cas’ place, and then suddenly, after two years, Sam texts him to tell him Dad’s in jail? So what? Who cares?! Dean hadn’t talked to his father in two years, either. Not that Sam would know. Sam wasn’t interested in Dean anymore. Sam had no right to be treating Dean the way he did.

With anger and frustration came panic and Dean started to feel himself slip. He quickly shut off the lawn mower and stumbled inside, his eyes hazy and blinking slowly. Jax followed him, but Dean didn’t notice.

“Cas...” he called weakly, knowing this regression was going to be a bad one. If anything could make him regress to a very, very young age, it was thinking about Sam.

When Castiel didn’t reply, Dean mustered all his strength and slammed his fist on the kitchen table, calling him out again. “CAS!!!!”

Castiel came downstairs, and Dean finally let go.

“See you soon, I hope.. Sorry in advance...”

Castiel immediately understood what was going on. He guided him to the couch, where Dean struggled for a few more minutes.

“Don’t want to be Little again... I don’t Castiel... I don’t… don…” Dean whimpered, and after a while his knuckles slowly came to his mouth, and Dean was just staring around the room, not focusing on anything in particular. Not even Castiel’s face when he saw it.

Dean started to sag, because he wasn’t able to keep himself up anymore.

~*~

Castiel noticed that Dean had gone to an extremely young age this time. This had to be because of his brother, he was sure of it. Castiel picked the boy up, and freaked out a little when Dean let his head fall all the way back. Dean had been right. Regressing to infancy was something completely else. It was like his brain had decided to forgo all motor functions, and do nothing.

Hoisting Dean up, and then putting a hand to the back of Dean’s head, he walked to Dean’s room. Dean was drooling on his shoulder. He gently laid him down, and started to grab the stuff he needed.
When he had everything, Dean was still laying in the exact same position, except the knuckles had been replaced by his fingers.

Replacing the fingers with a pacifier, Castiel got to work. Dean didn’t cooperate at all, which was making it a bit difficult for Cas. The limbs were heavy and uncooperative, so getting his arms out of his adult clothing was quite a struggle.

Once he finally managed to get Dean stripped, he removed Dean’s boxers and wiped him down. He had already wet himself. Putting on some cream and then powdering the area, Cas grabbed one of the new diapers to put on Dean. Anything for more comfort. Dean was making small noises, but not uttering anything that even remotely sounded like an actual word.

He was drooling past his pacifier and his arms just flailed around a bit. His eyes wouldn’t focus on anything in particular. Castiel got him into his onesie with ease, very thankful for the extra buttons at the neck to make the garment open wide.

Picking up his now very young Little Dean, Castiel once again made sure that the head was secure, and he walked outside, taking place in the hanging bench that they had on the porch. Dean was still gurgling, leaning heavily into Castiel, and Castiel pushed with one foot to make the bench move forwards and backwards. The combination of rocking on the swing and the warm summer breeze had Dean asleep in a few minutes. Castiel stayed there for another half hour though, thoroughly enjoying having Dean in his arms. He almost fell asleep himself.

Not wanting to fall asleep and deciding it was time for dinner, he walked inside, and made a bottle for Dean using just one hand.

“Let’s get you some nice warm milk, huh? I’ll add in some cinnamon; make it taste like pie.”

Making the bottle was quite a challenge, and he had to shift Dean a few times because keeping him on one arm the entire time, was not possible. It was dead weight, and even though Castiel had a strong physique from many runs with Jax and manual labor around the house, having a constant weight on one arm was tiring. However; he didn’t want to put the boy down, feeling pretty content with Dean in his arms.

When the bottle with adult formula and a hint of cinnamon was finished, Castiel walked over to the couch, where he sat down and put Dean in a position so he would lay across Cas’ lap, with his head in the crook of Castiel’s elbow. Castiel pulled out the pacifier and before Dean could even begin to cry, he pushed in the rubber nipple. Castiel slowly hummed the tune of “Mr. Jones, ” and Dean was peacefully sucking on the bottle, fully content in his Daddy’s arms. When the bottle was empty, he put Dean to bed. Castiel knew the apple-pie tasting milk had been appreciated.

Even though he knew Dean probably didn’t understand a single word of the book now, he read to him anyway. Castiel felt content whenever he read to Dean.

"I have a Stegosaurus, he is really rather sweet. Although he can be fussy, about the food he’d rather eat..."

After Dean’s eyes closed and Castiel made sure the boy was deeply asleep, he made sure to put the camera of the baby monitor to face Dean exactly. He closed the door with a soft thud and went to the kitchen to make his own dinner. He could watch Dean from there.

After finishing his microwave meal, Castiel was reading when all of a sudden the baby monitor began to blare a familiar voice. Castiel looked at the screen and saw that Dean had lost his pacifier, for his mouth was open wide while he was crying out to be comforted. Going to Dean’s room, he opened it up to find Dean with a red face, angry as can be, crying his lungs out.

Castiel picked him up and tried to locate the pacifier, but it was nowhere to be seen.

“Shhh Deanie... it’s okay. Daddy’s here. We’ll find that stupid binky, won’t we? Yes, we will… Oh yes, we will!” he exclaimed, making his naturally gravelly voice as high as he could go.

Dean calmed down a bit at the shushing words, and Castiel thought he was probably the best Dad ever, until he watched Dean’s face and saw that Dean had, once again, put some fingers in there. That boy always had to have something in his mouth. When it wasn’t food, it was his binky, when it wasn’t his fingers it would be his blankie. Hopeless. The older man smiled softly.

Castiel walked with Dean on his hip, to the room where he had put the stuff for Little Dean. He grabbed another pacifier, and washed it under the tap. Removing the fingers from the boy’s mouth, he quickly popped in the pacifier and Dean was finally completely silent. He was still hiccupping a bit, but other than that he seemed pretty calm.

Castiel kept rocking him until he was sure Dean was asleep again, and set him in the bed. Pulling up the cover once again he noticed the missing pacifier laying there. Innocently. Castiel grabbed the thing and chucked it into the corner of the room. Looking at his baby one last time, he silently closed the door.

After working a few hours, he decided it was time for him to go to bed. He took the receiving end of the baby monitor with him and put it next to his bed. He changed into his pajamas and checked on Dean one last time. He felt Dean’s diaper, but it was still dry. Dean didn’t stir, he was somewhere far off, hopefully having nice dreams. Castiel wiped away a bit of drool from Dean’s cheek.

Castiel gently stroked his face then and kissed him on his cheek, his temple, and his hair. Dean didn’t smell like a baby, he smelled like motor oil, leather and of course freshly cut grass, and he smelled a little bit like Castiel himself. What could Castiel say? He used a very nice cologne. Smiling, he left the room, hoping that Dean would have a good night of sleep.

Dean did have a good night. He woke up at 6am,, which was a bit too early to Castiel’s taste, but considering the boy had been put down at 7pm, he had made almost eleven hours of sleep. That was a lot, and Dean had probably needed it very much. Castiel was surprised the boy hadn’t woken up more often.

Dean wasn’t crying, just gurgling a bit, arms flapping about. His diaper was very full, as was expected, but the item did its job well and hadn’t leaked through. After the diaper and clothing change, Castiel gave him breakfast, which was yet another bottle. Dean couldn’t chew. Yes, he’d chew on his fingers, but that was more like gumming since he wasn’t truly biting anything.

Laying Dean down on the playmat with a blankie and a soft, stuffed ball, Castiel did the dishes and boiled the bottles. Nasty milk stuff got in every nook and cranny. Dean was happily sucking on his blankie, Castiel could see.

~*~

Dean’s mind was wandering, drifting. He was chewing on something, but he didn’t know what. He didn’t have the strength to say anything. He tried to talk, but all that came out were a bit of oo’s and aa’s. He knew he had regressed badly, and when that happened the final half an hour or so he would be trapped in his mind, until he finally could take over control. All he could see was the ceiling of the living room, but no Castiel. Where was he?

Dean started to cry, because it was the only way to get attention. He’d barely seen Cas ‘in action’, and even though he was a bit curious, he was more focused on the fact that he wanted to have control over his body again, like right now.

Castiel walked in, and picked Dean up. It surprised Dean at the ease in which Castiel did that. As if he weighed nothing. He felt an arm under his butt and an arm at his neck, holding him steady.

“It’s okay baby boy… Daddy’s here. Daddy’s here... shhhh.”

Dean’s heart practically tore in two. Castiel would make an amazing father.

“You’re wet baby, let’s get you clean, huh?” Castiel said, as he bounced Dean a bit.

Dean knew there was nothing that could be done about it, but he calmed down his crying and completely trusted Castiel. He had to, he had no other choice. Every little thing about Castiel that he might not trust, would be swept away in minutes, he was sure. He would find out if Castiel really was Daddy material. Because Dean had pooped. Not that this was the first time Castiel had cleaned that up for Dean, but this was the first time he would see how Castiel handled that.

Castiel laid him down on the bed, and grabbed wipes, some gloves, powder and a diaper.

He got Dean down to his diaper and slowly pulled it off, scrunching his nose a bit. Dean did the same as a pure reflex. Castiel looked at Dean and started to laugh.

“Guess we both find it stinky, huh? But don’t worry, we’ll get it all nice and clean. I’ll give you a bath tonight, baby boy. “

Dean could just lay there as Castiel started to wipe him down. Dean was in luck, he hadn’t made a huge mess and Castiel was able to clean it up quickly with a washcloth. After that he wiped everything down with a wet wipe, and put cream on the area.

Dean could feel him, but he didn’t have the strength in his neck to look. Not that he would want to.
When he felt Castiel roll him over a bit, he understood how he got the diapers on. Lifting him by the legs would be very heavy, but rolling him over was done in seconds. Castiel put the diaper in place and rolled Dean back, so his bum was now on the diaper.

Castiel powdered the area and then strapped the diaper on and grabbed a clean onesie for Dean. Dean tried if he could maybe speak again, but no such luck yet.

Castiel picked him up again, and they walked outside. The older man threw the poopy diaper in the trash can and then he walked them over to the swing on the porch. He sat them down, Dean in his lap, chest to chest and slowly rocked him and Dean back and forth, enjoying the sunshine. Castiel was humming a song, but Dean didn’t know which one.

The feelings Dean had when all this happens, were too much at once. There were too many. Too many emotions, too many layers, too many thoughts. The best one he could think of to summon it all up was gratitude. That he had found someone who was so selfless and would take care of him, even when he was nothing but a useless infant. It astounded him.

After they had been lightly swinging on the porch for a while, Dean could feel control starting to seep back into his body. His voice was the first to come.

“Cas... Cas, I’m back...” he mumbled.

“Hi Dean.” Cas said softly, as he continued to rock.

“Can’t... move yet... but this is nice” he said.

“Glad you like it,” Castiel smiled softly.

Castiel kept moving the swing and when Dean had gotten back full control over his body, he grabbed onto Castiel.

“I want to stay. I want this to be home.” Dean whispered.

He felt Castiel stroke his hair and kiss him on top of his head. “Welcome home then, Dean Winchester.”

“Can we still watch Indiana Jones?” Dean smiled.

“Of course, Dean.”

Even though Dean was Big again, Castiel stood up and carried Dean to his room. Dean figured Cas was still in Daddy mode, so he didn’t say anything. Plus, he kinda… didn’t want to let go. It felt so good to have somebody hug and carry him like that. The trip to Dean’s bedroom was too short.

Castiel kissed Dean on his temple one last time before setting him on the bed.

“You’ll be okay?” Castiel asked.

“Yes. I’ll change and then we can hang on the sofa and watch Harrison Ford. It’ll be awesome, Cas.”

Castiel had already started the movie when Dean walked in, in sweatpants and an old hoodie. He went to sit on the far side of the sofa, but when Castiel had pressed play in the DVD menu, Dean decided that he did want to snuggle after all. He scooted over and Castiel just raised his arm and let Dean snuggle close.

When the movie ended, Dean looked up, to see Castiel fast asleep, head slumped on his shoulder.
Dean gently removed himself from Castiel’s embrace and pulled Castiel lower so that he was flat out on the couch. He grabbed a blanket and tucked Castiel in.

He knew Castiel would be tired after probably a short night or an early morning. Dean felt so lucky to have found someone that would take care of him so much. He stroked his hands through the dark unruly locks, and then went into the kitchen to make a Grand Lunch for his best friend.

Who would have known? A week ago he was still alone and depressed. And now... things were making a 180 degree turn.

Chapter Text

Castiel was a very happy man. Dean had just said that he wanted to stay with him. He had someone to take care of. For the first time in his life, Castiel felt wanted. Needed. Like he had a purpose. That he wasn’t just... wasting his life.

The moment Dean had said that to him, Castiel felt more at peace. To be honest he hadn’t really expected the answer so soon yet, but he was beginning to understand what Dean needed and it seemed that Dean realized it too.

Not wanting to let Dean go, even though he had gone back to his normal headspace, he lifted the boy up to walk him to his bedroom. If Dean didn’t want that, he’d just have to say so, Castiel reckoned.

However, Dean didn’t protest and this once again confirmed how much Dean actually needed touch, needed to feel wanted. Castiel hugged him tightly, and Dean just nuzzled into him. When he got to Dean’s bedroom, he finally let Dean go, even though he didn’t really want to do so.

They watched Indiana Jones together. Well, Dean did. Castiel tried, but all he could think about was how tomorrow he was going to order all the necessary items for the nursery. He was very excited to make a special room for Baby Dean, with a special crib so there wouldn’t be a possibility for Dean to roll off the bed. A changing table at Castiel’s height, strong enough to support a grown man. A very large rocking chair, so he could rock Dean even in the wintertime.

Dean snuggled further into Cas, and as the movie progressed, Cas grew tired. It had been an early morning, and soon he felt his eyelids become heavy.

Waking up, Castiel realized he had napped on the couch and was now covered with a throw blanket.

He laid there for a few more minutes, waking up fully, before getting up to see where Dean could be.
Dean’s not anywhere in the house, so Cas ventured outside. Dean laid middle of the lawn, Jax sprawled out beside him, still holding a scuffed up tennis ball in his jaw. They must have been playing a while, because both looked exhausted.

It was almost time for dinner, so Castiel got the grill out. He figured Dean could man the grill and he’d take care of the rest. After he set up the grill and it was starting to heat up, he walked over to the sleeping pair. Jax opened his eyes and yawned, but didn’t make a move to get up

“Dean! Wake up. Time for dinner.”

“Hmm? ” Dean grumbled.

Castiel prodded Dean’s belly gently with his foot.

“Cahahaaasss…” Dean whined, obviously enjoying his rest very much.

“Man the grill, Indiana.” Castiel said, before walking to the kitchen with a grin on his face.

As Dean headed over to the grill, Castiel came out with a platter with two thick steaks. Dean’s eyes grew round like saucers, eyeing the meat. “Steak?”

“You don’t like steak?”

“Man, I love steak.”

“Good. Then get going, chef,” Castiel laughed.

Castiel made some twice baked potatoes and a salad to go with the steaks. After that he put two bottles of water and some condiments on a tray, and went to set the outdoor table on the patio, he waited for Dean to finish the steaks.

After eating in companionable silence, Dean spoke up. “Man, it’s like I’m on vacation. This is great. Just playing with Jax, eating dinner outside, going to the beach...”

“This has been normal for me for over ten years now. I’ve lived here with my family my whole life up until then. I inherited the place after my parents passed, living alone since then. I’ve gotten used to the room and quietness of it all. But I understand that to you it would be a whole new world,” Castiel said, drinking some water.

“You’re damn right. I’m not complaining...” Dean shrugged.

“But…?” Castiel said. He saw there was something bugging Dean.

“I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Things can’t all just be fucking daisies and unicorns all the time, can it?”

Castiel frowned. “Maybe, after all these years of bad luck, you finally get your break? That something good happens to you, doesn’t always mean bad stuff has to happen, too. Plus, I think you already had enough of the bad stuff handed to you as it is. I think it’s time they finally balanced it.”

“Never thought about it like that. Well... we’ll see...”

Castiel brought the dishes inside, and when he got back onto the patio, Dean was standing at the top of the steps, just watching over the lawn, where Jax was absentmindedly playing with his tennis ball.
Sitting down in the middle of two person porch swing, he used his feet to make it rock. Buying that swing had been the best decision he ever made, because he always sat there, just rocking back and forth, thinking about things, or thinking about nothing, occasionally reading a book.

Dean looked over to him, hands in his pockets. “I really liked that you know... when we were on there this morning...” he said, looking at the swing with something akin to nostalgia.

“You mean the rocking part? Or the hugging part?”

“Both. Liked the combination I guess. Made me relax.” Dean shrugged.

Castiel considered Dean’s answer a bit, and decided just to go with it. He held out his arms, and waited for Dean to react.
Dean looked at him. His expression quickly changed from surprise, to apprehension, to longing. He didn’t say a word, but he shuffled over to Cas, hands still in his pockets. He stood at Castiel’s knees and stayed there. Like he didn’t know how to do it.

“Put each knee next to a hip and then sit down on my lap.” Castiel said.

Dean put his hands on Castiel’s shoulders, and carefully placed each knee beside Castiel. Then he sat down.

When Dean did that, Castiel automatically put both arms behind Dean’s back, and pulled him in. The young man was flush against his chest, Castiel’s chin resting on Dean’s hair.

“Like this you mean?”

“Yeah...and then we rock...” Dean whispered.

Castiel pushed off with his left foot, causing the swing to go backwards, and then released. Softly the bench moved forwards and backwards, and he felt Dean melt against him.
Whenever the rocking would almost halt, Castiel would push again. Dean never said a word. Castiel thought he might have fallen asleep, but when he looked down at Dean’s face, he could see that Dean’s eyes were still open.

“What are you thinking about?”

“How nice this is. No, really. No expectations, just... just someone holding me without them being disgusted by it.”

Castiel felt anger at that answer. “How could people be disgusted by you?”

“I dunno... ‘s What my dad always said... ’You disgust me Dean... you’re worthless. You must be some kind of girl, always crying...." But now I’m here with you. And you’re normal. And you don’t… you’re not... You just let me sit here. In your arms. And you don’t flinch. Or whatever.”

Castiel kissed the top of Dean’s head. “I’m sorry you had to grow up with such a father.”

“S’okay.. I always thought it was normal, you know. That I was the abnormal one.”

“You are not abnormal, Dean. If anything, you’re the opposite. Don’t ever think that low of yourself. Everybody needs touch. Everybody. And because you never got it, you’re starved for it. And that, in my mind, makes total sense. Nobody can go through life without physical contact. It would drive a person mad.” Castiel gripped Dean a bit tighter as he continued to push themselves forwards and backwards on the bench.

“I’m already crazy.”

Castiel wanted to shake Dean. Wanted to slap him for saying such things about himself. Instead he stroked his hand through Dean’s hair, shushing him. “You are not. You just need someone to take care of you for a while. You’ve been doing it on your own for too long now. Two years spent in solitude is no laughing matter, Dean.”

Dean didn’t reply, but just nuzzled further into Castiel’s chest.

Castiel stroked his back and just enjoyed the two of them swinging on the bench, until it was getting dark. He looked down at Dean, and this time he had fallen asleep.

Not wanting to wake him, Castiel hoisted him into his arms and brought him to bed. This was becoming a re-occurring event. He stripped Dean to his boxers and tucked him in. He kissed him on the forehead and walked to the door. “Goodnight, Dean Winchester.”

As he closed the door, he could quietly hear Dean grumble a “Night, Cas…” before he snuggled under the covers.

The following morning found Castiel in the living room, ordering the things he wanted for the nursery on his laptop. The crib, changing table and extra-large rocking chair were all custom made to fit an adult-sized baby, but was well worth it. He also ordered more clothes, bibs, a highchair, a play pen and a new play mat, and to top it off, an adult size bouncer chair. He could put Dean down in that, and he’d be able to rock himself.

Dean was still in bed, which didn’t surprise him. He usually didn’t get up before nine in the morning, anyways. Castiel closed his laptop, and got started on breakfast. Even though the smell of bacon should have reached Dean’s room by now, there was still no sign of him. Not wanting the breakfast to go cold, he decided to wake Dean.

When he opened the door, he saw why Dean hadn’t woken. Dean was having a nightmare, arms flailing about, whimpering and kicking his legs.

“Nooo! Hurtss!! No… nooo…” he whimpered.

It sounded like Little Dean. Castiel walked over and grabbed Dean’s arms, grounding Dean with the touch. “Dean, wake up. Wake up, I’m here... it’s okay Little Man...”

The whimpers stopped, instead turning to shallow breaths and soft moans. Dean wasn’t struggling anymore. “Daddy Cas is here... it’s okay....”

Softly Dean’s eyes fluttered open, and green eyes locked on Castiel’s face. “…Cas?”

“I’m here, it’s okay. I’m here, Dean.”

“Oh, God I remember Cas. I remember something…” Dean said, tears filling his eyes.

“Want to tell me about it? I understand if you don’t….”

“I... I was Little... and, this man, he... h-he… Oh God Cas.. he.. he hurt me. It hurt so much.. He... just... and I was dry and I... and it hurt so much... and blood, blood everywhere. And I trusted this man. Why would I trust this man?! He said he’d take good care of me... and... he fucking…”

“Shh... he’s never going to hurt you again Dean...” Cas croaked, his eyes also starting to well up. He pulled Dean into his arms and Dean cried violently, his body racking with sobs.

“Cas I’m... Sorry Cas I’m regress… regressing.. can’t.. can’t stop it...” he choked out.

“I know Dean… I know…. let it happen. Don’t be afraid, I’m right here... Daddy Cas is here....”

Dean continued to cry, and Castiel knew exactly when the regression had completely taken over, because then Dean just started to wail, full on – lungs out – wailing, screaming himself hoarse.

Castiel was terrified. This was working through trauma, a whole new level of care. He wasn’t prepared to handle that. All he could do was his best and hope it was good enough. He would have to find a right time to ask Dean about maybe seeing somebody again. A professional, who could help him gain some insight about his regression and trauma’s.

In his anger and frustration, Dean’s abdominal muscles contracted as he screamed, making him soil himself heavily, which made him even more upset. Castiel picked the screaming baby up, and started the bath. He stripped Dean completely and made sure the boy was as clean as possible before they would both go in the water.

Castiel set Dean down on the bathroom floor, and then stripped himself to his boxers.

He picked Dean up again, and took the boy with him in the bath tub. As soon as Dean was in the water, he started to calm down, leaning against Castiel heavily. After a while, Dean cupped one of his hands to fill it up with water and then pour it into the tub again, repeating the process over and over, until he was fully calmed down. Castiel just held Dean close, kissing him on his hair and his cheek from time to time, murmuring soft gentle words every now and then.

Feeling like they weren’t done here yet, Castiel added some more warm water when the bath was turning cold. “You like the bath Deanie?”

“Hmm hmm.”

“Would you like some toys next time? Small boats, or ducks?” Castiel asked.

“Toys, yeah…” Dean smiled, rubbing his face on Castiel’s chest.

“We’ll get you some toys, sweet boy. Time to get out now? “

“No Daddy...” Dean squirmed, immersing himself a bit more until he was neck deep in the water.

Castiel pulled Dean up a bit, not wanting Dean to get any lower. “It’s getting cold Deanie… and I think Jax is waiting for you...”

“Jeks? Jeks??? Doggy…!”

“That’s right. Want to play with him?”

“Hmm hmm!!!” Dean grinned. Castiel was relieved that Dean had been calmed down by the bath, because he wouldn’t know what else he could’ve done.

Castiel got them out of the bathtub, and got Dean into diapers and his Little Clothes. Then he walked to his bedroom, where he put Dean on his bed. Castiel took off his wet boxers, put on some dry ones and got into some old track pants and a t-shirt. When he looked back at Dean, the boy was absentmindedly chewing on his fingers. Again.

Castiel walked over and slowly pulled them out, leaving Dean to look at Castiel with questioning eyes.
“Want your pacie?” Castiel asked.

“Pacie!!” Dean squealed, and they went into Dean’s bedroom.

Getting the pacifier Castiel carried Dean into the kitchen, to find the breakfast completely cooled off. He reheated a plate in the microwave and made Dean a bottle. After feeding both himself and Dean, he put Dean down onto the playmat.

Dean was playing with his toy cars when Jax strode over and licked Dean from his neck to his ear. Dean giggled and squealed. “ Jeks! Jeks!!!!” and turned to the dog, who just laid down on the mat next to him. “Jeks!” Dean said, as he pushed one of the car toys into the dog.

Jax sniffled the toy a bit, tried to put it in his mouth, but quickly discovered it was not something that could be eaten, and didn’t bounce or make noises, so his interest was soon lost. Castiel picked up the toy and rinsed it in the sink, then dried it before returning it to Dean. He didn’t want Dean putting the thing in his mouth with Jax’ drool still on it.

Dean was looking at the dog, not interested in the toy anymore.

Jax would look at Dean with interest too, following the boy’s movements. The old dog decided that what Dean was doing wasn’t so interesting, so after a minute he laid down flat and tried to sleep.

Dean noticed Jax laying down and promptly threw himself backwards, so his head was at level with Jax’.

“Are you both going to take a nap again?” Castiel chuckled, having watched the scene play out before him. He loved how the old dog just stayed by Dean’s side, no matter how he was acting.

“Hmm hmm,” Dean said. Dean closed his eyes, and indeed, after only a minute or so, both were sound asleep.

Castiel was working at the living room table, so he could keep an eye on Dean, and the rest of the morning was spent in blissful quiet. Castiel’s ears were still ringing from Dean’s crying, so he was happy to be relieved from that a bit.

The rest of the day was spent either inside playing, or outside sitting on the swing with Little Dean in his lap. It was a beautiful, warm day, and in the late afternoon, he took Dean to the beach, where Dean played with a bucket and a small plastic spade, items that Castiel had bought for Dean.

Dean loved playing with the sand, trying to fill the bucket. Sometimes he succeeded, sometimes he didn’t. The best part was knocking over the bucket anyway, whether it was full or not. Dean giggled every single time.

Evening came, and Castiel had put Dean down to sleep at around seven. He had read the dinosaur book again, and Dean absolutely loved it, pointing at pictures in the book. Castiel showed him how to ‘raawr’, and Dean caught on quickly. He ‘rawred’ until he couldn’t anymore, sleepiness taken over. Castiel kissed Dean on his temple and put the book away.

~*~

The next morning, Castiel awoke to Little Dean, who was writhing in his bed and crying for his Daddy.
Dressed only in a pair of boxers and some sweatpants, Castiel walked into Dean’s room with his hair still tousled and eyes only half open.

When he got to Dean, the boy grew quiet and just mumbled, “Daddy...”

Castiel picked him up and rocked him in his arms for a while, still too tired to speak. Dean calmed down a bit and was sucking his thumb as Castiel held him. Castiel gently laid Dean down, and changed the full diaper. After that was done, he picked Dean up once again, and brought him back to his bed.

Dean looked around Cas’ bedroom, thumb still in mouth, and then stared at Cas.

Cas looked at him. “It’s 5am baby boy. Daddy needs sleep. You need sleep. We’re going to sleep.” Castiel just grumbled then and threw himself onto his pillow. Dean laughed at that. Castiel was already asleep again.

After a few minutes of silence, Dean also closed his eyes and fell asleep. A sleeping Daddy was boring anyway. Castiel woke him around eight, and then they went down for breakfast. The day was spent in similar fashion to yesterday, with a trip to the beach, Dean on the playmat whilst Castiel worked, and naps. Lots and lots of naps.

When Dean was still regressed the next day, Castiel started to worry.

This was the longest that Dean had been regressed in his presence. He knew it had probably something to do with the nightmare and what he remembered, but he truly hoped Dean would become Big again soon. Even though he loved taking care of his boy, a permanent state of regression scared him. He wanted Dean to have as much time in his normal headspace as he did in his Little.

As Castiel sat at the kitchen table, he watched Dean, who was currently lying down on the playmat, gurgling and sticking a toy car in his mouth. Castiel walked over, and removed the toy.

The doorbell rang, and Castiel walked to the door with Dean in his arms.

Dean apparently didn’t like strangers, because he hid his face in the crook of Castiel’s neck. Castiel figured it was his house and his life. If the people at the door were going to be rude about Dean, they could just go away. Plain and simple. Plus, he couldn’t leave Dean alone in the kitchen. Maybe he should have ordered an adult sized playpen too, he thought to himself.

It was everything he ordered a couple of days ago. A big truck filled the driveway and there were two men delivering everything. The man who rang the doorbell, Dave, according to his nametag, looked at Dean with interest.

“Bit too old to be carried, don’t’ya think? Is he a mental case or something?” he huffed.

“That is none of your business, Dave.” Castiel sneered, and Dean looked up from where he was hiding.

“Daddy mad?”

“No sweetheart, Daddy’s not mad. Daddy’s here, it’s okay...” Castiel said softly, then looked up at Dave. “Take everything I ordered and put it upstairs, second room on the right. Thank you.”

Dave sighed and turned around, hollering at his colleague what they were going to do.

The two men quickly had everything in Dean’s soon to be nursery, and Dave was back in the truck in no time. He had been glaring at Dean every chance he got, until Castiel politely told him to fuck off.

The other man had put the last box in the room, and came downstairs. He slid a paper over to Castiel. “If ya could please sign at the bottom, so we can confirm all’s been delivered.”

Castiel scribbled the piece of paper, and the man spoke again. “He’s a Little, ain’t he?”

Castiel, surprised at the question, nodded in response. “Involuntarily, but yes. Dean regresses from time to time. We’re on day three today… I’m getting worried.” Castiel blurted out, soon realizing he was giving away way too much info.

Dean was snoring softly, thumb in his mouth and drooling, with his head on Castiel’s shoulder.

The man looked at Dean and smiled. “My little sister had that. Same thing. The longest she’s been regressed is a week. So, give it four more days until you freak out, brother. Okay?”

Castiel sighed in relief. “Okay. Thank you, ah...”

“Benny. Benny Lafitte, at your service, Sir.” He grinned.

“Thanks, Benny.”

“Hey, no worries man. It’s all okay. If ya ever need help with anything... regarding Little’s or just building those damn humongous cribs, let me know. I live by the docks, small blue cottage, can’t miss it. And don’t mind Dave. He’s just got a stick up his ass.”

Castiel smiled softly while rubbing Dean’s back. “So, you work as a courier?” he asked.

“Nah man, that’s just Dave. He has a private, local delivery service. He asked me to help him today ‘cause you ordered some heavy things, ‘s all. But listen, I best be going, Dave’s already pissed I’m keepin him waitin.’ If you and Dean ever want to go out fishing with me on my boat, come by the docks. My boat’s name is Andrea, can’t miss it.”

“Thank you.” Castiel said.

As Benny shut the front door, Dean began to stir. “Cas...?”

“Dean!” Castiel hadn’t noticed Dean had been coming back to him, although the squirming should have told him so. Whilst Benny was speaking Dean had stopped snoring, probably awakened by the other man’s deep voice or Castiel’s own.

“Cas, what?”

“Three days Dean. You’ve been Little three days. You missed a lot. “

Dean looked up to him with big eyes. “Three days?” he whispered. Tears started to well up, and Castiel pulled him in close. Dean was sniffling in silence, probably trying to comprehend losing such a chunk of time. If this had happened while Dean was still alone, he’d probably be in the hospital. That is, if the motel owner would’ve checked his room. To think that his regression could be this life threatening had never occurred to Castiel. He had been the person to keep Dean well fed, clean, alive and happy. The responsibility that came along with caring for Dean had never been so clear to him until that moment, when he saw how distraught Dean was.

Castiel stroked Dean’s hair. He couldn’t help himself, it came automatically, when he said “Daddy’s here…”, those two words describing how he felt when he took care of the younger man.

As soon as he said it, he realized he shouldn’t have, for it may be too soon for Big Dean to hear that, but to his surprise, Dean didn’t even respond.
Dean just cuddled in closer and let himself be soothed, probably still feeling warm and fuzzy in his onesie.

Chapter Text

Castiel had said ‘Daddy’s here’ and Dean liked it. He didn’t understand why that made him feel all fuzzy inside, or why it made him grip Castiel tighter, all he knew was that it just did. He had felt so lost when Castiel had told him just now, that he had been regressed for three days. Dean knew that was the longest time he had ever regressed. It scared him, and he needed Castiel’s grounding touch to keep him from panicking.

“Dean? Are you still with me?” Castiel asked.

Dean hadn’t even realized he was sobbing and shivering, until Castiel’s voice had brought him back. “Yeah I’m here…”

“I think you regressed this long because of your nightmare.... I want you to know, if you want to talk about it, I’m right here. If you want to see a professional about this, I’d be more than willing to help with that.”

“Not yet...” Dean mumbled. He didn’t want to think about the nightmare and how he had felt. How he was still feeling. Talking to Pamela in the past had helped Dean a lot, but admitting his weakness to yet another stranger felt like something he couldn’t handle just yet. Years of living with John Winchester did that to you. Maybe somewhere in the future he would seek help. All he wanted now was to be in Castiel’s arms, safe and surrounded by human touch.

“All the stuff from the nursery has just been delivered. Want to go take a look?” Castiel asked while rubbing Dean’s back.

Dean nodded.

Castiel prepared to stand so they could walk together, but Dean was feeling too fidgety and didn’t want to let go. He gripped his arms tight around Castiel. “Don’t let go yet,” he whispered.

Castiel pulled him up a bit, then stood up and carried the man into Little Dean’s future nursery. Dean was on his hip, his face buried in Castiel’s neck. As soon as Castiel opened the door, Dean peeked a glance. “It’s all still in boxes? Awhh maaan...”

Castiel snickered. “Yes, we still have to assemble them ourselves. But I think that we, two grown men, will have that done in one afternoon.”

“I hope you didn’t order this from IKEA, because then we’ll still be doing this next week. And I wouldn’t call myself a grown man right now.” Dean grumbled into Castiel’s chest.

“Stop it, Dean. You are a grown man, who is sometimes… a Little Man.” Castiel smiled.

“What am I doing now then? I’m Big now, but you still have me in your arms because I asked you to, ” Dean mocked.

Castiel walked to Dean’s bedroom and sat down, Dean in his lap. He put a finger under Dean’s chin so the boy would look in his eyes. “I know you have a hard time accepting yourself for who you are. And that’s okay, because we will work on that. Together. But I don’t want to hear you degrade yourself like this. You resent yourself for everything you do and that’s simply not necessary because you are a sweet, kind young man. You just got dealt some bad cards, but you’re playing through the best you can. And if at some point you feel like you’re getting lost, I will help you get back to home.”

Dean didn’t know how to respond, but knew that Castiel meant it, and for the time being, that was enough. To answer Castiel’s little speech, he simply hugged the man, before letting go and standing up.
He walked over to his closet to get out his Big clothes, and he heard Castiel shut the bedroom door behind him.

After taking off his Little clothes and diaper, Dean showered and put on his boxers, t-shirt, jeans and a flannel. Adding some socks and work boots to the equation, he was ready for an afternoon of putting together some furniture.

When he got downstairs, Castiel had fixed them some lunch.

“I was thinking we needed to get some paint supplies first. Paint the walls in a color you like, maybe get some things to flourish up the room a bit.” Castiel said, grabbing his sandwich.

“Myeah we wou’d do da’, like blue do.”

Castiel frowned and stared at Dean. “Don’t talk with your mouth full, young man.”

Dean turned red a bit, realizing that yeah, talking with your mouth full was a bit rude. He chewed and swallowed. “Sorry. I said we could do that, that I like blue though.”

“Blue it is.”

After a successful shopping trip, the two men carried all the supplies upstairs and started the work. Castiel could have hired professionals to do this for them, but felt it would be a good bonding experience for them to work together.

The room had been empty beforehand, now only to be filled by the boxes with baby furniture.
They pushed everything to the center of the room, and covered the items and the floor with a plastic tarp.

It took them until 9pm, but then the room was a beautiful soft blue color. Dean had, on one wall, lightly dabbed white paint to reflect clouds and it looked beautiful. Castiel had put the letters D-E-A-N on front of the door. They were white wooden letters, each with a little green dinosaur in a corner. Dean had found them in the decorating section and put them in the cart. Castiel hadn’t even noticed them until they were at the cash register.

Leaving the windows open a bit so the fumes of paint wouldn’t be as noticeable in the morning, they shut the door and went downstairs for a late dinner.

“Man, it’s coming together really nice. We got a lot of work done in one day, Cas.” Dean said, absentmindedly watching the television after having finished his dinner. He was feeling drowsy and knew he was ready for bed soon.

When Castiel didn’t reply and he looked over to the other man, he saw why.
Castiel had his head resting on the back of the sofa, mouth slightly open. The empty plate was still in his hands, hanging dangerously low.

Dean snickered and stood up from the couch. He grabbed the plate from Cas’ lax hands. After the dishes were done, he walked back into the living room. Nudging Castiel, who grumbled in response, he pulled him up and ushered him to his bedroom. The man was grumpy and incoherent.

As soon as Castiel saw his bed he flopped down face forwards and was snoring within seconds.
Dean just looked in bewilderment, wondering how somebody could be so out of it, and then shook his head.

He pulled off Castiel’s shoes and grabbed a blanket, throwing it over the sleeping form. “Goodnight, Cas.” Dean said, as he shut the door behind him.

~*~

The next day was spent almost the same way. Castiel had to get some work done, so he was in his office down the hall almost the entire morning. Dean spent the morning trying to put together the crib and was surprised with himself that he finished that project before noon. He would’ve thought it would have taken him a lot longer, but luckily it hadn’t. He tested it out of course, and the crib could easily hold him.

After putting in the mattress, the mattress cover and the comforter, he looked at the end product. Something was missing.

Dean stared at the crib for a few more minutes, before walking over to the box with toys, and getting out a few stuffed animals. He settled for the dinosaur, a stuffed elephant and the largest teddy bear they had found at the toy store.

He placed the dinosaur and elephant in the top left corner, and the teddy bear at the foot end.
Dean smiled to himself. “Looking good, Winchester,” he said to himself.

In the afternoon Castiel and Dean worked together on the changing table and rocking chair, and by 7pm that night, all was finished. The basics were there. Castiel did want to add some posters or paintings, and he and Dean had decided to go for another shopping trip the next day. Dean was surprised at how easily they worked together, there were no discussions or anything like that.

“I see you’ve put some friends in your crib,” Castiel said, while looking at Little Dean’s bed.

“I don’t want to be lonely when I’m in there, Cas.” Dean said, carefully watching Castiel’s reaction.

Castiel walked over to the crib and picked up the elephant. “I know, Dean. We’ll get you some more stuff tomorrow, like we said. Maybe pick up some more stuffed animals too.” He put the elephant down, back in its original spot.

Castiel turned around and walked out of the room, but not before ruffling through Dean’s hair.
Dean snickered and turned around too, following Castiel downstairs.

“I don’t really feel like cooking. Want to call for some Thai take out?”

Dean’s mouth watered at that, and an hour later, the living room table was filled with boxes of delicious food and the TV was set on some documentary about sharks.

Castiel cleared his throat a bit as he lowered the volume on the TV. “Dean, I don’t want to freak you out… But I do have to mention that the delivery men saw you today, as a Little.”

Dean swallowed his bite and looked at Castiel. “How did they respond?”

“Well, one was a bit of a jerk. But the other, he was quite nice. He said he’d had a sister who regressed from time to time.”

“Had?”

“I don’t know if he means she doesn’t suffer from it anymore, or if she’s… not with us, but either way. He knew how it worked. Said if we ever wanted to go fishing with him on the lake, he’s got a boat and he’d be more than willing to let us join.”

Dean liked the thought of fishing, and he’d never really been on a boat before, so the idea intrigued him.
“Do you think we can trust him?”

“I think so. He understood what was happening. Calmed me down because I was freaking out so much about you being regressed for three full days.”

Castiel grabbed another portion of noodles and changed the TV channel. Apparently, he didn’t like sharks.

“You were freaking out ?” Dean said with disbelief and raised eyebrows. Dean sighed loudly and crossed his arms while staring at Castiel.

Castiel turned his face to look at Dean, frowning when he saw Dean’s facial expression and body language. “Call me a worried father, okay? It was the longest time so far, so yes, I was a bit worried. Wondering when you were coming back to being Big.”

“A worried father… Now there’s a new one. I should’ve had that a long time ago.” Dean replied with a grim face, still shocked by the idea that Cas could be that worried about him. Nobody ever worried that much about Dean.

“Yes, you should have. Now let me be one and don’t take the frustrations about your biological father out on me. I just want to take care of you.” Castiel grumbled, before putting down his carton of noodles and walking out of the room. Jax followed Castiel immediately.

Dean’s wide eyes followed Castiel as he walked out. He had never seen Castiel be even remotely angry. Was Castiel angry at him? Was this even angriness? Or was it frustration? But, hadn’t Castiel said this whole situation with regression wasn’t his fault? Dean was getting confused now.

He stood up to go after Castiel, but when he got to Castiel’s bedroom, it was empty. Where on Earth did the man go?
Checking in Castiel’s office, the kitchen and the nursery, he didn’t find him.

Dean was starting to worry a bit. Not knowing where Castiel was made his skin itch. He needed his Daddy, dammit. Wow. Where did that come from? Dean rubbed a hand over his face and decided to check outside.

When he walked out to the porch, he saw Castiel on the bench, swinging forwards and backwards, with Jax watching him. Castiel had his hands in his lap and was studying his nails in deep concentration. Dean immediately relaxed, even though Castiel didn’t look happy. Of course, he should have known Cas was here. This was the place Castiel liked best.

Castiel didn’t even look up as Dean approached him. Dean was so relieved to find Castiel that he just put his hands on Castiel’s knees to stop the rocking motion. After removing Castiel’s hands from his lap, he put his knees on both sides of Castiel’s hips and sat down on Castiel’s thighs. He folded his arms in front of him and leaned into Castiel’s chest.

Castiel sighed, and put his arms around Dean, the younger man immediately melting in the touch.
“I do want you to take care of me. And if that involves worry, then, yeah... Worry about me. ” Dean said, hoping Castiel would understand his apology.

The older man said nothing, just kissed Dean’s hair and stroked the back of Dean’s head.

“I’m sorry Daddy. I know what I said had nothing to do with you. I’m just not used to people worrying about me.”

“It’s okay, Dean. This must be very difficult and frustrating for you. I imagine we will have many of these conversations in the future. I’m sorry too… for walking away like that.” Castiel mumbled into Dean’s ear.

“Yeah, well... let’s keep our chick-flick moments to once a day, okay?” Dean said as he nuzzled his nose in Castiel’s shirt. He liked how Castiel smelled, the mix of cologne and laundry detergent giving him that sense of home again. The same feeling he had when he had first seen Castiel that day in the parking lot.

“Dean. Did you just call me Daddy?”

“No I didn’t.”

“I think you did.”

Dean sat up a bit, so he could look Castiel in the eyes. “It slipped out.”

Castiel grinned and pecked Dean on his forehead. “I like it. Don’t worry.”

Dean looked at Castiel’s eyes, trying to find a hint of sarcasm or anything other that would indicate Castiel didn’t mean it, but all he found was honesty and… love?
No, no, no. Castiel couldn’t love him. Could he? Why would he? They hadn’t even known each other that long and Dean was… nothing. The fact that Castiel really did worry so much about Dean was already a lot to take in. Adding love to that in that short amount of time was too difficult for Dean.
It was too much, and too soon.

Not feeling up to indulging in low self-esteem today, Dean replied with an answer that just rolled off his tongue.

“Okay.”

Really, Dean? Okay? That’s your answer? Dean thought to himself. He tried to stop it, but he just started laughing.
Castiel looked at him and joined him in the impromptu laughing moment, both men letting go of the tension that was just there a few minutes ago.

When the laughter died down, they rocked backwards and forwards for a long time before setting off to the beach, each taking a flashlight. Jax trotted along with them, excited for a late evening walk.

And if Dean went a little bit crazy that evening, getting into the water with Jax and singing Bob Seger songs out loud, nobody would ever know. Castiel just smiled and walked alongside the pair and Dean felt at home with this man. He felt loved and cherished and he wanted to revel in that before it would inevitably be taken away.

~*~

Castiel woke up early the next day. Turning onto his back, he slowly opened his eyes and tried to identify the sound that had woken him.

“ Daaaadddy!! Dadddy daddy daddyyyy!!”

It was Little Dean. And little Dean sounded very happy and awake. Castiel’s face broke into a grin and he was in Dean’s room before he knew it. “Hey little man! You’re very happy this morning!”

“Daddy daddy daddy!” Dean squealed while making grabbing motions toward Castiel.

Castiel picked Dean up, bouncing him on his hip. “Let’s get you in your Little clothes, huh, Little Big man?”

After doing that, Castiel walked them downstairs and mashed up a banana for Dean and warmed up some adult formula with a hint of cinnamon. The banana was a good choice, and Dean had it finished in seconds. Never mind that half of the fruit was smeared on his chin.
The adult high-chair was tested out and Dean fitted perfectly. He enjoyed sitting in it and smearing his leftover banana over the tray.

Castiel was easily getting used to a morning routine with Little Dean. After breakfast, he put Dean down on the playmat, and before he knew it, Jax was lying beside him, watching his every move.
Dean was shuffling around as best he could, playing with whatever toy he could his hands on.

Work kept Castiel busy for a while, he was lucky he had a job that could accommodate Little Dean so well. He wasn’t constricted to set hours and that worked perfectly. Sitting at the kitchen table, working his way through another translation, he glanced over at Dean, who was yawning.
Castiel smiled to himself and grabbed his phone, wanting to record Little Dean reacting to his nursery.
When he grabbed his phone however, it was empty.

Remembering Dean had his phone in the kitchen drawer, he grabbed it and turned it on, so he could film on that. Surely Dean wouldn’t mind.
True enough, the battery on that was still full and the phone was ready to film.

Castiel put the phone in his pocket and walked over to Dean, picking him up and walking towards the nursery. Putting Dean on one hip, he grabbed the phone back out of his pocket and pressed start on video recording.

“Dean? Want to see your new room?”

Dean looked up and saw the phone in Castiel’s hand. He made grabbing motions and wanted to have it, but Castiel was quick and able to distract Dean by opening the door to the nursery.
He made sure to keep the camera pointed to his face.

“Owwoww!! Oooooo!!!” Dean exclaimed, squealing and bouncing up and down. His eyebrows shot up as he saw the crib and he pointed.
“Daddy! Rawrarrr Daddy!”

Castiel grinned as Dean pointed at the stuffed dinosaur.
“Rawrr rawrr, that’s right Deanie!”

Castiel walked him over and set him down in the crib, Dean immediately grabbing the dinosaur in one hand, and the elephant in the other.
After he had pulled up the one side of the crib, Castiel kept filming as Dean nuzzled into the stuffed animals. Castiel pulled the blanket on top of Dean and Dean’s eyes were getting droopy, at which point Castiel stopped filming, putting the phone back in his pocket. A pacifier was slid into Dean’s mouth and he suckled slowly.

Castiel stroked Dean’s hair and waited until the boy was deeply asleep. After that he quietly closed the door.
Sitting back down in the kitchen and turning on the receiving end of the baby monitor, he grabbed Dean’s phone to watch the video he made.

He saw Dean had many missed calls and messages. They were all from Sam. Castiel couldn’t help but read it as the first one was fully visible on the screen.

Sam: Dean, you need to call me back. It’s Dad. He died.

Castiel’s heart skipped a beat. He had no idea how this would affect Dean. He knew the relationship between Dean and his dad had been strenuous, to say the least, but this would be a major blow. Because Castiel knew that Dean was somehow still searching acceptance from the man. He was never going to get that now.

He couldn’t contain himself, and read the rest of the messages. He knew that privacy wise he shouldn’t, but on the other hand, if he hadn’t, Dean would never even knew it happened until he had turned his phone on himself.

It appeared that John Winchester had been buried already, two days ago.

Sam: Dean, please call me back. This is the only number I have of you. Where are you? I know I was rude. But this is serious. Call me.

Sam: Dean, please pick up your phone. It goes straight to voicemail every time. Where are you?! You’re worrying me, man.

Sam: I don’t know if you’ll read this. Just texting you to let you know that Dad was buried yesterday. I wasn’t there and I know you weren’t either. I called and they’d said nobody had showed up. Anyway, he didn’t leave us anything but the house and about 80 dollars in his bank account. Please, please call me, Dean.

Sam: Call me. I’m worried about you.

Castiel didn’t know what to do with this. He decided to turn the phone off again and put it back in the kitchen drawer. He’d tell Dean when he was Big again. It was Dean’s decision if he should contact Sam or not and Castiel didn’t want to stand in the way.

Chapter Text

It was the afternoon now. Castiel was still shook up about the messages he’d seen on Dean’s phone, still unsure about how he was going to break the news to Dean when he would be Big again. He had put Dean down for another nap about an hour ago, the baby feeling quite content and lazily suckling on his pacifier as he drifted off.

Castiel had tidied up the house as best he could while Dean napped and even got some work done. Taking the monitor outside with him, he sat down on the porch swing and enjoyed the summer breeze.
The thoughts he had about Dean confused Castiel greatly. He was starting to feel more and more protective over him, as if Dean were his child. Castiel had thought that those fatherly feelings would overwhelm him, but the only thing they did was make him feel more at ease. Even though he and Dean were merely ten years apart (of course mentally even more when Dean was regressed) that in itself was helping Dean a lot.

The more Castiel thought about his role as caregiver to Dean and what that meant to him, the more he resented Dean’s biological father. How any father could treat their child like that was beyond him. Of course he knew these things happened, and that there were parents who did even worse things to their own children, but that didn’t make what happened to Dean any less traumatic.

From what Castiel had gathered, John Winchester was a man who had drowned himself in sorrow after his wife’s death, turning to alcohol every chance he had whilst taking out his frustrations on his oldest son. Castiel still didn’t know what exactly the turning point had been for Dean when he had eventually left John.

Knowing Dean had a tendency of blaming things on himself and taking the hits for it, probably the result of constant indoctrination by John, Castiel imagined it must have been something truly awful, if Dean had finally chosen to save himself from that man. He wouldn’t push the subject on Dean, knowing that the boy would do that in his own time when he was ready.

He just hoped bringing Dean the news of his father’s passing wouldn’t be too traumatizing for him. Castiel was nearly certain that Dean would regress instantly. The only thing he could do, was take care of Dean the best he could, whether he would be Big or Little at that point.

Castiel rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands, then stretched out and yawned. All this thinking and pondering made him tired. A sound from the monitor next to him shifted his attention and he looked at the screen.
Dean was getting ready to cry, he could tell. The baby was squirming in his crib, clutching to his dinosaur. His eyes were open and his pacifier still in his mouth, but he wasn’t happy.

Walking over to the nursery, Castiel slowly opened the door. Dean was still squirming and moaning a bit. Castiel softly knocked on the door, making Dean turn his head towards it, locking his eyes on Castiel.

“Daddyyyy,” he whined through the pacifier. Dropping the dinosaur, he lifted his arms indicating he wanted to be picked up and when Castiel got closer, he saw that Dean was very uncomfortable.
Dean made grabbing motions and Castiel quickly pulled him up into his arms, where Dean dropped his head on Castiel’s shoulder, hanging limply in the embrace of the older man.

Castiel felt (and smelled) the full diaper. Wanting to clean the boy up, he turned on the tap from the bathtub, letting the water get warm. Afterwards he walked to the dresser to get Dean out of his onesie. Dean was lazily blinking his eyes, still suckling on his pacifier. This wasn’t the active boy from this morning.

The onesie was soaking wet at the bottom and when Castiel opened the diaper he saw his suspicions confirmed, as it was filled with diarrhea.

Castiel stood there for a moment, thinking about how he should handle this. Just using wipes and then putting him in the bath was still a bit unsanitary, especially with the poo in his pubic hair. He’d never be able to fully get that out with just wipes or a washcloth.

He picked the baby up bridal style and set him down in the tub, hosing his groin down with warm water from the showerhead, using a washcloth to get into every nook and cranny front and back.

Dean was phasing out for all of this, obviously not feeling well and not really caring what was going on around him. Sometimes he’d whine a bit, mumbling “Daddy,” but nothing more.

After Castiel made sure that Dean was completely clean, he put the plug in the drain and filled up the bath, Dean still in it. He added a little bit of soap, because he knew Dean liked the bubbles. Gently washing the boy’s entire body with a soft washcloth, Dean sagged a bit and almost fell asleep again. Castiel carefully washed his hair with No More Tears and then pulled the boy out, wrapping him in a soft towel.

Putting Dean in his crib for a moment, Castiel changed the cover on the dressing table because it had gotten filthy with Dean’s dirty diaper. He cleaned that up, and put the load in the washing machine. Then he carried Dean over back to the dresser, getting him into a clean diaper after drying him off.

Dean was mumbling a bit and Castiel rubbed his belly, which made Dean relax immediately. It seemed the poor boy had a stomach ache, which wasn’t surprising after such a bowel movement. Dean was still skinny, which worried Castiel a bit. Dean had been eating a lot, a nd healthy too, in the time he’s been with Castiel. Maybe the sudden change in diet was what caused his baby this pain now, and Castiel couldn’t help but feel a little bit guilty at that. He wanted Dean to feel good, not hurting like he was now.

Castiel massaged Dean’s belly for a while and then got Dean into a clean onesie. Picking him up again, Dean sagged against Castiel’s chest and was asleep in moments, puffing hot breaths on Castiel’s neck, his legs dangling from side to side. Hoisting him up a bit, Castiel walked over to his favorite spot.

Sitting down on the porch swing, he slowly rocked back and forth with Jax once again watching their every move. The warm weather always made the old dog a bit sluggish, but no less interested in his surroundings.

Having his baby boy in his arms and his dog by his side calmed Castiel greatly, enjoying his home and, dare he say it, his family. He wouldn’t say this to Dean out loud, yet, but his fatherly feelings towards the young man were growing and he wanted to do everything he could to keep Dean safe and happy.

As Castiel was humming an old song from Elton John, Dean woke up. He yawned and at that, the pacifier fell from his mouth onto the porch. Castiel waited to see if he should pick it up, but Dean just looked up at Castiel, slowly blinking his eyes. He smacked his lips a couple of times and then nuzzled his nose into Castiel’s neck and softly whispered “Daddy...”

Castiel’s heart swelled and he could feel a tear wanting to come out. Putting his hand on the back of Dean’s head, he stroked the baby boy’s hair and kissed Dean on top of his head, smelling the No More Tears shampoo he washed Dean’s hair with. He’d forever connect that smell to this moment.

~*~
Dean had been completely Big again since Castiel was rubbing his belly after his bath. He could feel himself getting out of his regression while Cas had been washing him, but he’d had no desire to be Big at that moment. Even though he knew he could and he knew he had control over his body again, Dean didn’t want Castiel to stop being his Daddy just yet.

Castiel had lovingly rubbed his belly, making the ache a lot less painful. The older man had gently put Dean into a clean onesie and Dean wanted this to last forever. He was feeling a bit sick and sleep was pulling on him heavily.

He could have said he was Big again. He could have walked to his Big bedroom on his own, slept until he felt better. He could have. But he didn’t.

Castiel had picked him up and Dean gave in to sleep just seconds after that. He was too tired, the little bout of sickness draining him and the warmth of Castiel’s body lulling him into a state of complete surrender.

When he woke up again, Castiel was humming to the chorus of Tiny Dancer and they were on the porch swing. He felt a yawn come up and squirmed in Castiel’s hold. Opening his mouth so wide caused the pacifier to fall out. He could see that Castiel was waiting for Dean’s reaction to see if he should grab it. Clearly the other man didn’t want to stand up and Dean couldn’t blame him. He wanted to stay in Castiel’s arms. He wanted to stay in Daddy’s arms.

Looking at Castiel through tired eyes he slowly blinked a few times, smacked his mouth and nuzzled into Castiel’s neck, indicating that he didn’t want the pacifier. He was Big now, and even though suckling on the pacifier was a very comforting feeling, not that he’d admit that anytime soon, he wanted his Daddy more. Little Dean would have probably wanted the pacifier back as soon as possible, but Big Dean needed Castiel more. He said so, and whispered “Daddy,” to Castiel.

Dean could feel the other man tightening his hold on him. Castiel stroked his hair and kissed him on top of his head, which made Dean flood with warmth and contentment.

It was weird how when he would regress, he would fight it, but when he got out of it, he didn’t want to be Big again. Not lately anyway. Castiel had changed his aversion to his regression quite a bit. He compared it to getting under the shower, when he was a kid. He never wanted to go in, but when he finally was, he didn’t want to come out.

Castiel’s way of caring for him was everything he wanted. He just had a hard time accepting that Castiel really wanted to be there for Dean, but was getting more and more comfortable with it every passing day.

Dean pretended to be Little for a while longer. He snuggled with Castiel and watched as Castiel made him a bottle when they were back inside. Castiel was apparently a pro with making things one handed, because he kept Dean on his hip the entire time they were standing in the kitchen and still got everything done in no time.

He thought the milk wouldn’t be that good, it was an adult formula that Castiel had bought and it didn’t smell very nice.

When Castiel set them down on the couch and pulled Dean down to give him the bottle, Dean thought about saying he was Big, not really wanting the weird smelling milk. However, the rubber nipple of the bottle was at his lips before he knew it and Damn. That was liquid apple-pie. It was a sweet, creamy concoction with a hint of cinnamon and Dean could’ve sworn he’d never tasted anything better in his life.

He closed his eyes as he was suckling and hoped this moment of pure bliss would never end. He was laying down in the most comfortable position, his neck supported by Castiel’s arm, his butt on the sofa between Daddy’s legs, his own legs spread out. Absentmindedly his Little mind took over for a bit. He was using his left hand to tug and play a bit with Castiel’s t-shirt, before his arm got too heavy and he dropped it unceremoniously to his stomach. It was only then that he had realized he had been playing with Castiel’s shirt.

Castiel moved Dean’s hand and gently rubbed on his belly again, relieving Dean of the small ache that had begun to creep back. How Castiel knew Dean’s stomach was acting up again, was beyond him. He just hoped that because of the stomach ache, he wouldn’t puke that lovely milk back up, because that would be a waste of pie. Sort of.

The bottle was empty far too quickly and Daddy pulled him up to burp. No… Castiel pulled him up. Stay on track, Dean.

After that, Castiel snuggled Dean a bit before putting him down on the play mat. Dean was sitting there for a few minutes, looking at the toys. Somewhere in the back of his mind he wanted to play with them. He wanted to let his Little mind come out. To enjoy himself with the toy cars, make them do looping’s and donuts, crash into each other or do a race. But his Big mindset was telling him now that he shouldn’t overdo it, that he had already indulged by letting Castiel snuggle him and feed him even though he hadn’t been Little anymore.

His Little mind was telling him the exact opposite.

Castiel saw that Dean was just staring at the toys instead of grabbing them or stuffing them into his mouth as usual and walked over to Dean, crouching before him. “Don’t feel like playing Deanie?” he asked.

“No, I’m Big again and Big me doesn’t play with toys, Daddy. But… but I want to,” Dean said, not looking at Castiel but staring at the toy cars. Dean felt torn between being Big and Little. Dean hadn’t even realized he had said Daddy until Castiel responded.

“It’s okay Little Big Man. Play with them as much as you want. Even when you’re Big. Like I’ve said before; this home is safe and I will not judge you for anything. I’m going to cook now, you just enjoy your toys, okay?”

Dean raised his head to look at Castiel and saw the man smiling softly at him. Castiel ruffled Dean’s hair and then stood up, walking over to the kitchen island where Jax was waiting for Castiel to sneak him some treats. Dean’s eyes followed the man and Castiel turned around. “I mean it Dean. Let go. Play. Do what makes you happy. If you want me, I’m right here.”

Dean looked at the toy cars with longing, secretly very relieved at Cas’ casual reaction, allowing him to completely be himself. When he realized Castiel wasn’t paying special attention to him anymore, he felt secure enough to let go and grabbed two toy cars.

The sound of Castiel working with pots and pans and chopping up vegetables, combined with the smell of sizzling meat gave Dean a true feeling of being home, of being secure and safe. Somebody was cooking him a meal and he could play. He had had that once, with his mom. A lifetime ago, but still.

Dean started out slowly, gently pushing the cars and acting out NASCAR races. When he found out that one of the cars would race forwards if you dragged it back first, Dean went all out. He’d drag the little car back as far as he could, before setting out a target and letting go. The target was usually the wall opposite the room, but after a while he felt a bit bold. His first thought was to aim one at Jax. It wouldn’t hurt the him, not in the slightest, but it would be funny to see the old dog jump up or try to catch it. His second thought was to aim it at the other living thing in the kitchen. He was curious to see what would happen.

Dragging the car back, he pointed it at the kitchen island where Castiel was chopping up a cauliflower.
He let go and the car shot forward, crashing into Castiel’s right shoe. Castiel said nothing as he looked down and then looked at Dean. In fact, Castiel seemed a little bit out of it. Dean wondered why. A grin appeared on the older man’s face though, as he bent down, dragged the car back himself and pointed it at Dean.

Dean’s eyes widened as he realized Castiel was actually playing with him and in a moment of pure joy, his Little mind took over. He let out a squeal when the small car came speeding towards him. Dean immediately closed his mouth, shocked that he would even be capable of making such a childish noise, especially when he was supposed to be Big.

Castiel, however, just smiled softly and got back to preparing dinner.

Dean sighed and played with the cars some more before he decided it was really time to let go and act his age again. He knew he’d probably still fight his next regression. And a lot after that. He knew that, but in the back of his mind he felt he had accepted being Little a bit more. Playing with the toys had allowed him to be Little even though he was Big and he had even squealed. Which meant that, somewhere, he could decide for himself if he would be Big or Little. And that would always be better than having it happen whenever his brain decided it.

He hoped that one day, he’d be able to control that himself. Being Little was a joy around Castiel. Dean had never even known it could even be like this, having only had bad experiences with the whole regression process.

Putting the toys back in their basket, he stood up and walked over to Castiel, who was just about done with preparing dinner. Dean stood there for a bit, unsure how to ask for a hug. Usually he’d just walk up to Castiel and the man would open up his arms. However; Castiel still had the knife in his hands and he didn’t want to startle him. Castiel looked like he was thinking about something, lightly frowning and not noticing Dean standing nearby.

“Cas?” Dean said soft, and the older man turned, putting the knife down and looking up at Dean. He shuffled forward, feeling a bit ridiculous about standing up straight while still in his Little clothes, but wanting the touch before he would go to his room and change.

Castiel walked forward, enveloping him in a hug and muttering a soft, “It’s okay, Dean...” which made Dean feel grounded and safe.

Dean didn’t exactly know if the words Castiel spoke were meant for him acting Little while being in his Big headspace, just comforting, or for something else. On the one hand, he wanted to know if something was wrong, if maybe there was something going on, on the other hand he didn’t want this bubble to burst and so he decided not to ask Castiel if something was the matter.

After changing his clothes and coming back downstairs, he settled on the sofa, his stomach still a bit sore but much better than it was.

About ten minutes later, Castiel came into the living room with two plates of food. “Eat what you can, but don’t overdo it. You weren’t feeling so well and I don’t want you to get sick or have any more diarrhea. Make sure you drink enough, too,” Castiel said, as he placed a water bottle in front of Dean.

Dean ate a few bites, but wasn’t that hungry. He did drink the entire bottle of water, not realizing how thirsty he had been. His stomach was still acting up a bit and he shuffled a bit, trying to find a comfortable position.

After Castiel had cleared his plate, he looked at Dean. “Stomach still hurting?”

Dean nodded and Castiel made a gesture indicating Dean should lay down on the sofa, stomach up. Castiel himself stood up and then kneeled when Dean had gone horizontal. He softly pulled up Dean’s t-shirt and put his two large hands on the flat belly, pushing and massaging it a bit. It felt good and tender and Dean was enjoying it immensely. He turned his head to watch the TV while Castiel was massaging him, but after a while felt himself drift and was nearly asleep when Castiel spoke up.

“Dean, there is something I need to tell you.”

This is the part where he tells me I can’t stay.. Dean thought to himself, old insecurities coming back to him at a hundred miles an hour.

“To film your reaction to the nursery, I had to use your phone because mine had an empty battery. You had a lot of messages from your brother… I don’t know how to break the news to you without being blunt... but… your father, he passed away,” Castiel said calmly, still rubbing Dean’s belly.

Dean’s eyes widened, not truly believing what Castiel had just said. Dean had always known John would probably not die of old age, but to have that thought confirmed this soon shocked him. John Winchester, the man who always saw Dean as a disappointment, a failure, a disgrace to the Winchester name, was gone. He was dead. He could never mock Dean anymore. He couldn’t reject him anymore. He could never hurt Dean anymore.

But there would never be a chance of reconciliation either. Somewhere, in the back of Dean’s mind, he had always hoped that maybe he and John could make things right. Or at least semi normal. That would also never happen. Dean would never be able to talk to him again, could never ask him the questions he so desperately wanted answers to.

Dean lunged forwards towards Castiel, burying himself in the arms of the older man, seeking warmth and steadiness. “I... then I need to go, don’t I Cas? I mean I’ve got a funeral to arrange... and Sammy must be so mad at me and…” he murmured into Castiel’s shirt.

“Dean... He was already buried, just a few days ago. It’s all done. He left you and Sam the house and some money in his bank account. I don’t know if the bank wants the house for the mortgage... we’ll have to wait and see for that. I only read Sam’s messages, I haven’t replied to any. That’s up to you. You just needed to know, about your dad.”

“So, I don’t have to go? I can stay with you?” he croaked.

“Yes, Dean. Of course, you can stay here. You don’t have to worry about anything like that, baby boy.”

At that term of endearment, Dean started to cry and let his warm tears soak Castiel’s shoulder. Dean’s mind was racing with all the things he had wanted to say to John, the things he had wanted to make clear to his father. Thought swirled from anger to acceptance, from defiance to defeat and then back again. It was too late. There was nothing he could do about it anymore.

He was sobbing now, his Little mind popping up uninvited and making known he was going to be an infant soon.

It was as if Castiel had expected it when he pulled Dean up, already putting a hand on the back of his neck and making sure Dean was in a comfortable position. Through all the crying and the heaving Dean didn’t even have a chance to say he was regressing, but he didn’t have to, because Castiel had picked him up and was walking towards the nursery.

Dean was still there a bit mentally when Castiel put the boy in a diaper yet again that day. Dean had woken up as a Little and would be going to bed as an infant. He couldn’t understand what Castiel was saying any more, but they were sweet words by the sound of it and the calming manner in which he said them calmed baby Dean down a bit.

He didn’t even know why he was crying in the first place.
After a while, all thoughts had left him and he was staring up at the ceiling, feeling something pop into his mouth, triggering his suckling reflex. He felt something pick him up and rock him, the motion feeling soothing and warm. It was nice and he felt happy.

Chapter Text

It had been two days since Castiel had told Dean about John Winchester’s death. Dean was still regressed, still an infant, sleeping most of the day and night. Castiel kept him clean, fed and happy as best he could.

This morning, Castiel woke at around 7am, the sound of Dean’s gurgling and babbling coming through the baby monitor. Knowing Dean wouldn’t get cranky until about ten minutes after he woke up, Castiel took a very quick shower and put some laundry in the washing machine.

Padding over to the nursery, he softly opened the door to find Dean happily blowing bubbles with his drool and flailing his arms about. “Good morning munchkin, time for Daddy to get you clean, huh?” Castiel cooed, picking Dean up and holding him flush against his chest.

He rocked Dean a bit, before changing his diaper and getting him into his clothes. Castiel wiped Dean’s face dry and then applied some cream to his chin and upper lip. Because of the pacifier and Dean’s drooling, the skin around his mouth was constantly wet and he was developing a bit of a rash.

Because Dean was spending most of his time laying on his back, Castiel would sometimes put him belly down on the couch, head sideways, so he could massage Dean’s back and bottom, to prevent sore spots from developing. He’d also carry him a lot; keeping Dean upright and his watching Sesame Street together. Dean wasn’t able to focus on the television, but did become a very happy boy whenever he heard Elmo’s voice. If Castiel did nothing, Dean would only be capable of staring at the ceiling. Sometimes he’d do some exercises with him, moving his arms or his legs to stimulate his body.

Castiel felt so sorry for Dean, but knew that pity was not what Dean needed right now. All he could do was be the best Daddy for him, keep him happy and wait for the regression to end.

Carrying Dean downstairs, Castiel went into the kitchen and prepared Dean’s bottle. While that was heating up, he quickly ate some cornflakes and milk and prepared some coffee. He was slightly swaying Dean. The baby had his head in Castiel’s neck and cuddled in deeper.

That was weird. As an infant, Dean wasn’t able to move his body in such a manner. Castiel had a feeling Big Dean was coming back.

“Dean is that you? Are you coming back baby boy?” Castiel whispered while looking down at Dean’s sandy blonde hair just inches from his face.

“Hmm hmm,” Dean said, nuzzling his nose in the crook of Cas’ neck.

Castiel knew Dean needed time to fully come back, so decided to give him his breakfast anyways. If Dean wanted something more substantial than formula, he’d make some waffles. Sitting down with Dean in his lap, he ushered Dean backwards a bit, so he was laying in Cas’ arms. Castiel supported his arm on the table so he could hold Dean like that.

Dean could focus his eyes now and Castiel was glad when Dean locked eyes with him. When Dean was an infant, he was very unfocused and it was hard for Castiel to make eye contact with the boy.

Now, however, Dean looked at him and then at the bottle. He didn’t say anything, but slightly parted his lips. Castiel softly pushed the nipple in and Dean latched on, suckling with strength he hadn’t had before. The bottle was empty before he knew it.

Setting the bottle aside, Castiel pulled Dean up so he could burp. It was a small one and it made Dean laugh. Castiel laughed with him and patted his back.

“That stuff’s like… apple pie...” Dean mumbled, before sighing deeply and smacking his lips.

“We could bake one today, if you want. I can go to the store to get the ingredients.” Castiel offered. Dean had once said he made very good pies and Castiel wasn’t opposed to the idea of testing that statement.

“Sounds like a plan, Cas. Although I guess I should call Sam first about everything that happened. And you know… if there’s stuff I need to do,” Dean squirmed a little and Castiel stroked his back to comfort him.

“I don’t want to sound like I am telling you what to do. However, your father has been buried already and his will has been dealt with. There is no immediate action to be taken. If you want, you can spend today trying to relax and getting back in your Big mindset, before taking on the stress of dealing with your brother,” Castiel said calmly, trying not to pressure Dean and at the same time letting him know that he had options.

“But he was my father… he told me I was responsible for Sam. How I should be the one to take care of my little brother. I already failed that. Now, Sam thinks I’m ignoring him. I need to call him back. I need to… need to let him know I do care. It’s just…”

Castiel felt his shoulder become warm and wet. He stroked Dean’s hair, humming a tune from a Counting Crows song that always relaxed Dean immediately. Castiel had been humming his favorite songs to him from the beginning and it calmed Dean greatly. The older man didn’t know if Dean liked them because he actually liked them, seeing as Dean was more of a Led Zeppelin kind of guy, or if it was just because Castiel was the one humming them.

After a while, Dean spoke up again. “My father was never there for me. I needed him. I wasn’t enough. Somewhere in the back of my mind… I was hoping I could still work things out with him. That chance is gone now. I never got to know if he loved me.”

Castiel knew these were things Dean hadn’t told another soul. He knew, because Dean gripped him tighter and tighter with every sentence, probably afraid that Castiel would push him away. That was the last thing Castiel would ever do, but Dean didn’t know that.

“Dean. Your father was, as I gather from your stories, destroyed by your mother’s death. His coping mechanism was to turn to alcohol. You were obviously the one who needed his love and approval most and he neglected you. My guess is that Sam didn’t suffer as much, because you gave him the love and comfort that John didn’t. John reached for alcohol instead of you. It seems to me, that John Winchester lost his right to call himself your father a long time ago. He was a fool for not taking care of you. I, however, am glad that you were with me when you got the news of his passing. I can help you get through this, Dean.”

~*~
Dean sobbed at hearing Cas’ story, realizing that John Winchester was never coming back. Knowing that Castiel was right; John had never been a father. Not since his mother died.

Dean felt awful about all his issues being dumped on Castiel. Because that was what it felt like for him. Castiel had had a calm, simple life when Dean wasn’t involved. He’d work, play with Jax and enjoy the sunsets. Since Dean had said yes to his offer, Castiel had been thrown into this whirlwind of Winchester troubles. It wasn’t fair to him. Castiel had been spending money on Dean. Had been worried about Dean. Gotten angry about issues that came from dealing with Dean.

Dean felt like he should have said no. He should have declined Cas’ offer and driven away that day. Making up his mind, he slowly relaxed his grip on Daddy and went to stand up. No. No, no, no. He let go of Cas. Not Daddy.

Dean used the palms of his hands to wipe away the tears that still lingered, before answering Castiel’s speech. “Let me think about it.”

Slowly walking out of the kitchen and leaving a defeated Castiel behind, he walked up to his Big room, took off his Little clothes and diaper and went into the bathroom. He felt sore and exhausted, skin on his back itching. When he looked at himself in the mirror, he saw the places where Castiel had applied cream so Dean wouldn’t get sore spots. Once again overwhelmed by all the things Castiel did for Dean, he almost started crying again. “Man up, Winchester,” he said to himself before stepping under the shower.

After toweling off and getting into his normal clothes, he heard Castiel calling him at the bottom of the stairs. “Dean!”

Walking over to the top of the stairs, he looked down. “What?”

“I’m going into town for groceries. Get some stuff for that pie. Do you want to come with or stay here?”

“Still pretty tired and sore, Cas. I’ll stay here, play with Jax and maybe take a nap or something,” Dean said, trying to sound as convincing as possible. He wasn’t going to do any of that, but he didn’t want Castiel to know that.

Castiel nodded before taking his car keys and walking out the front door. Dean stood at the top of the stairs until he couldn’t hear the Continental’s engine anymore.

Walking over to his room, he grabbed his duffle bag and stuffed it with the necessary items. Next, he went into the nursery, grabbing a handful of diapers and a pacifier. He didn’t take anything else, the adrenaline and guilt making his head spin. It was a miracle he wasn’t regressing again.

He didn’t want to leave Cas. He didn’t. But he should. He was dragging him down in his shitty life and Dean didn’t want that for such a great man as Cas. That sweet, sweet man.

Dean quickly scribbled a note for Castiel, leaving it on the kitchen counter. I don’t want to burden you with my troubles anymore. I am so sorry for saying that I wanted to stay when I knew I couldn’t. I don’t want to drag you down in my mess. So sorry Daddy.

After grabbing his phone, he gave Jax a quick peck on his nose and then bolted out the door, throwing his bags in the backseat of the Impala. Dean didn’t know where he was going, he was just making sure to put as many miles as he could between him and Castiel.

After a long ride, Dean ended up in Janesville. He booked a motel room and got settled for the night.

He took his phone out of his pocket, staring at the black screen and wondering if he should turn it on. Maybe he shouldn’t. Maybe he should just go to a local bar, pick up some chick and fuck her until he could forget this whole situation. Then again, he hadn’t wanted to have sex ever since his first regression. It was a side effect ; no libido when you regress that often. He probably wouldn’t even be able to get his dick up, humiliating himself once more.

Not that Dean minded. He didn’t miss sex. What he missed, and needed, was just love. A squeeze of his hands, a clap to his shoulder. A hug, a cuddle. Warm arms. A mother. A father. Castiel.

With trembling fingers, he turned his phone on. Sure enough the phone immediately began chirping as many notifications came streaming in. They were all from Cas. Dean had been gone all day, Cas was probably out of his mind by now.

Cas: I read the note. None of that is true. NONE. I take care of you, because I WANT TO, Dean. Come back, please.

Cas: Please call me back as soon as you get this. By leaving, you’re doing the exact opposite of what I need to be okay. I can only feel calm when you are near me, when I know that you are safe.

Cas: I need you, baby boy. You need to come back to Daddy. Look at the video on your telephone. Look at how much you enjoy being with me. I can get you through this, Dean. Together we’ll handle everything. Don’t think I do not have troubles of my own. My life wasn’t perfect before you came along. It’s the other way around. It was perfect after that. You left. I’m crying. Please watch the video.

Dean swallowed when he read the line about coming back to Daddy. Castiel really was his Daddy, wasn’t he? John never was. Castiel was a great father. Even when Dean was Big.

Many moments in his Big headspace were filled with Castiel reading to him, hugging him, giving him praise for things he did around the house. Nobody made him feel as good about himself as Cas did. Dean often forgot that Castiel was only ten years older. He seemed so… wise. Understanding. Trusting.

Dean tapped on Gallery and saw the video. He pressed play and was in tears by the end of it. Seeing himself as a Little was so strange, yet so sweet at the same time. Apparently, he called dinosaurs ‘Rawr rawr’ and happily called Castiel ‘Daddy’ the entire time. Castiel was so sweet for him. The voice of his Daddy was what put him over the edge. He missed that low, caring voice.

Dean realized he had made a mistake. A huge mistake. Going back to the messaging app, ignoring the texts from Sam he hadn’t read yet (but were opened by Castiel previously) he texted Castiel.
Dean: I’m coming home Daddy.

Dean couldn’t call right now ; too afraid he’d burst into tears. Gathering his stuff, he got into the Impala and drove off. His phone lit up and Dean saw he had a message from Cas.

Cas: Dean, where are you now? How long before you’re back baby boy? Are you okay? Should I come get you?

So many questions. Dean smiled softly. He didn’t reply though; he just wanted to get home as quick as possible and getting in a car crash because he was texting, wasn’t in his plan. He figured his first text would suffice.

Drowning out his thoughts, he cranked the music up until it hurt his ears. He only had to stop twice for gas, the Impala not being a very fuel efficient car. Castiel had called him a couple of times. Dean had had the music so loud he hadn’t heard the phone ring. If he had heard it though, he probably wouldn’t have picked up anyway. Castiel knew he was coming home, that should be enough info. He didn’t want to have another crying session over the phone. Too many tears had been shed by Dean today. He never used to be this emotional, but after his first regression his ability to contain certain feelings had become very hard. He cried over the littlest things now.

When he was about ten minutes away from Castiel’s home, or their home, he texted Cas.

Dean: ten minutes

Dean could feel his eyes starting to sting as he drove along the familiar road, opening his window so he could feel the breeze as it came off Lake Michigan.

Turning into the driveway, he could see Castiel standing by the front door, immediately walking forward when Dean pulled up beside the Lincoln. Dean stepped out and strode over to Cas, who had his arms open wide, tears on his face.

He rushed into his Daddy’s arms, crying and apologizing. “I’m so sorry Daddy, I’m so sorry… I can’t be without you Daddy, I need you, I nee-need you-hou…” he sobbed.

Castiel cried along with him, but quieter, more focused on taking care of Dean.

“I.. I saw the v-video and, and I heard your voice D-Daddy a-and… and I mi-missed you so m-much,” Dean choked out, hiccupping and heaving.

Something changed, there. Dean couldn’t put his finger on it, but he suddenly felt free. Dean was a grown man, calling another grown man he had only known for a couple of weeks his Daddy, the man giving him comfort and love and all the things Dean never even realized he missed.

Castiel’s only response to Big Dean (or was he Little? Somewhere in between?) was to act as a father, apparently. He picked Dean up with ease, holding him in a tight embrace. “I’m going to put you in your Little Clothes and then we’re going to bed. It’s the middle of the night. Daddy’s here, Dean. I’ve got you.”

Dean was still sobbing, shaking, trembling arms holding on to Castiel. Even though he was in his Big mindset, he didn’t object for a single moment to what Cas had said. Dean wasn’t afraid of regression anymore. Hell, at this point he would probably welcome it. He didn’t want to deal with his grown-up problems right now.

Dean closed his eyes and he felt Castiel walking towards the house, closing the front door and then walking up the stairs to his nursery. He said nothing as Castiel put him on the dresser and changed him. Feeling the need to suck on something, but too tired to ask for a pacifier, he slid his thumb in his mouth, stroking his nose with his index finger whilst looking at Castiel through tired eyes.

Castiel was so gentle. He helped Dean out of his Big clothes. Dean had wet his boxers a bit. He didn’t know how that could have happened. The older man said nothing though, just quietly cleaned him up. Castiel rubbed some cream into his skin, including his penis, but Dean was too out of it to ask him why. After that, Castiel strapped him in a diaper.

In the back of his mind, Dean felt like he should decline the diaper. Thinking about it though, he was too tired and the diaper was just so… easy. He wouldn’t have to get up to go to the toilet, plus, if he would happen to regress in his sleep, he wouldn’t soil his crib.

Dean didn’t want to be alone in his crib, now that he thought about it, but didn’t know how to tell Castiel this.

Castiel got him into a onesie and gently pulled out his thumb. He put some really nice smelling cream on his chin (What was that? Honey scented?) and then slid in a pacifier. Castiel knew he was Big now. Dean knew it. Neither of them said a word.

Dean was blinking slowly, feeling sleep pulling him in. He had been awake all day and night, not something his body was used to after being regressed those previous days. Through the slits in his eyes he could see Castiel looking at him with an understanding face.

Castiel picked him up and then walked out of the nursery. Too tired to even think about why he wouldn’t be in his crib, Dean just put his head on Castiel’s shoulder and let sleep take him in.

He could vaguely feel Castiel laying him down in a bed that smelled like Daddy. He felt a blanket being pulled over him. It was silent for a bit. Dean was almost asleep when he felt something plushy being pressed into his hand. He squinted and saw his dinosaur. His Daddy was so sweet. He tightly hugged the stuffed animal, not once thinking about how perhaps he shouldn’t, because he could be Big if he wanted to. That was just the thing though; he didn’t want to. He wanted his dino and he wanted his pacie. He wanted his diaper and he wanted his Daddy.

The mattress dipped beside him and he could feel an arm around his waist, pulling him in, enveloping Dean in a hug. Daddy started humming a song and Dean was asleep in seconds.

~*~

Dean: I’m coming home Daddy.

Castiel looked at the screen with wide eyes. Dean had gotten his messages. Dean was coming home. Sending a parade of questions back to him, Castiel sat on the sofa, biting his nails waiting for an answer.

Dean didn’t give one and Castiel was practically pulling his hair out. He had been worried sick all day. He knew Dean hadn’t been in a good place when he left for the grocery store that morning, but he reckoned Dean needed some space to sort things out.

Castiel never expected Dean to leave, a note explaining that he felt responsible for bringing nothing but trouble into his life as his goodbye. Didn’t Dean realize that it was the exact opposite? Dean had saved him. Gave him a purpose. Fucking fatherly feelings.

Now those feelings had been stabbed, left to bleed, because his son wasn’t coming back. That’s how Castiel viewed Dean. Like a son.

He tried to stay awake, calling Dean a couple of times, hoping the boy would answer. Dean was probably driving, but Castiel needed to talk to him. What if he regressed while on the road? What if he already had?

Pacing around the living room floor, Jax watched Castiel’s every step. After more curse words and tears Castiel sat down next to Jax, feeling defeated. He could only wait for Dean to come back. Jax put his head in Castiel’s lap and he began stroking the dog’s head.

He must have fallen asleep, because he was woken up by the notification alert on his phone.

Dean: ten minutes

Tears filled Castiel’s eyes. He walked to the front door, opening it and waiting. After about five minutes, he could hear the Impala’s engine. The empty feeling he had inside his gut was subsiding, instead filling his body with relief and gratitude, because his kid had come back.

When he saw the headlights come up to the house, he almost lost it. Dean parked alongside the Lincoln and got out. Castiel was already halfway and Dean quickly walked towards him. Castiel opened his arms and let the crying boy in.

Dean apologized and Castiel just tried to calm him down, letting him know that he would take care of him.
The boy was exhausted, shivering, heaving and crying. “I’m going to put you in your Little Clothes and then we’re going to bed. It’s the middle of the night. Daddy’s here, Dean. I’ve got you.”

Castiel picked the boy up. He knew Dean needed to feel safe and at home. Getting him into his Little stuff would surely help, even though he was Big at the moment. Dean needed it, Castiel could read Dean like a book.

Setting the boy on his hip, he felt a wet spot there. He didn’t mention it, of course. He knew Dean was in a bad place right now. It was his responsibility to make his boy as comfortable as possible.

Walking into the nursery with a trembling Dean in his arms, Castiel gently laid him down on the dresser.
He slowly took off Dean’s clothes, stripping him completely. Dean was very out of it. His eyes were drooping and he had put his thumb in his mouth, nuzzling his nose with his index finger. Castiel hoped that Dean had finally let himself go, even though he was Big now.

Making sure Dean was clean down there, he wiped down the flaccid penis, noticing a rash was developing. Who knows how long Dean had been sitting in his own urine ? After putting some cream on there, he took a diaper out of the top drawer and put it on his boy. Dean was totally okay with all of it. That in itself made it even more clear to Castiel that Dean was getting past his shame when he was around Castiel as Big Dean.

After getting Dean in his Little clothes, he picked the almost sleeping boy up and walked to his own bedroom. He couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Dean alone in his crib right now, mindset still a Big but also leaning towards Little. Especially not after what happened today.

He laid Dean down, the boy’s head lolling to the side as he did so. After pulling up the blanket, he looked at Dean. He walked back towards the nursery, grabbing the dinosaur, hoping he’d made a good choice. Kids often found comfort in a stuffed animal, right? Putting the dinosaur in Dean’s lax hands, Castiel waited a bit. Dean slightly opened his eyes, before recognizing it and snuggling it close.

Castiel got out of his clothes and into his pajamas. He got in bed and pulled Dean close, wanting his boy in his arms. He started humming a song and Dean’s breathing evened out almost immediately.

They both woke up at around 10am, to banging on the door. “DEAN!! OPEN UP! I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE! I KNOW YOU KNOW ABOUT DAD!!” Jax immediately went crazy, barking and pawing at the front door.

Dean just started crying, mumbling for his Daddy. Castiel immediately saw that Dean had fully regressed, probably in his sleep already. He had kind of been expecting it, if he was honest. He didn’t care who was at the door, even though he could make a good guess. How Sam would have known Dean was here, was beyond him though.

Castiel decided not to take any shit, as people these days usually said it, and pulled Little Dean up into his arms. He walked over to the front door with Dean on his hip, who was crying softly on his shoulder. The boy must be so confused. His diaper was full, he was awakened roughly and now there were all these loud noises.
The man that was probably Sam was still pounding on the door, scaring Dean.

Castiel pulled the door open with a face filled with fury. “Will you quiet down! He was still sleeping!”

If it had been in other circumstances, Castiel would have laughed at the facial expressions this enormous man made. Sam was looking at Dean with terror, glazing over the onesie, the obviously filled diaper, the pacifier and the way he was snuggled into Cas, tears streaking his cheeks.

“What the...?”

“Don’t swear in front of Little Dean.”

“Little Dean…what?”

“This is Little Dean. You must be Sam, his brother.”

Sam nodded, but still looked at Cas and Dean as if they were pulling a prank on him. “Come on Dean! What the hell is this? What are you doing?” He then wanted to poke Dean in the arm, but Castiel grabbed his wrist.

“Lay a hand on him and I will make sure you never step foot on my property again, Sam.” Castiel said, looking the young man straight in the eyes.

Sam swallowed and looked at Dean again, who was mumbling for his Daddy and gripping a hand tight in Castiel’s shirt. Castiel let go of Sam’s wrist, instead using that hand to rub Dean’s back softly.

“If you want, I can explain what Dean is suffering from. I will not have you mock or ridicule him in any way.”

Sam looked down at his feet. The man obviously didn’t know how to respond, but Castiel couldn’t care less. His priority was Dean. It was always Dean. “Yeah. Yeah okay. This is messed up, but okay.”

“Come in, wait in the kitchen, directly to your left. I have to change him and when he gets his bottle, I can tell you what is going on. If, after my explanation, you still decide to act like a dick, I will throw you out. Let me make this clear, Sam. I care for Dean, and only Dean. You try to hurt him again, you’re done.”

Castiel didn’t wait for a reply, but turned around and walked to the nursery, baby boy in his arms, leaving a baffled Sam in the doorway.

Chapter Text

“Alright baby boy, here we go. All nice and clean.” Castiel had managed to calm Dean down and change his diaper. Putting Dean in his favorite ‘Cars’ onesie and some pajama pants, he picked the boy up and rocked him in his arms. “Let’s go talk to our visitor, huh? I know… I know it’s scary honey. Daddy’s here,” Castiel said as Dean was squirming in his hold. Apparently, Dean didn’t want to go and see Sam.

Which would be understandable, but Castiel didn’t know if Dean even recognized the familiar face when he was in his Little mind. Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn’t. Castiel tried to stay as calm as possible, not wanting to rile Dean further up, staying composed as he should be, with such an unexpected guest waiting downstairs.

Castiel slowly walked down the stairs, Dean’s head on his shoulder, his left hand gripping Castiel’s shirt and playing with it. When Castiel entered the kitchen, he saw Sam sitting at the table, petting Jax his head. Ignoring the young man’s strange looks as he came in, Castiel calmly started fixing a bottle for Dean, rocking the boy on his hips.

He could feel that Sam wanted to talk, but knew that he had made it clear to him that Castiel was going to start the conversation. Castiel’s house, Castiel’s rules.

Dean wanted to hide from the other man in the room and just snuggled further into Castiel. When the bottle was ready, Castiel sat down, ushered Dean down a bit and put the rubber nipple to the boy’s lips. Dean immediately latched on and closed his eyes while suckling.

Castiel looked up and saw Sam looking at Dean with wide eyes. “If you promise not to interrupt, I will explain everything.” Castiel said seriously.

“Is this a sex thing?” Sam blurted out.

Jesus Christ.

“No, Sam, this is not a sex thing. Don’t interrupt again, or I’ll send you out the door.”

Sam nodded.

Pulling Dean’s relaxed body a bit more towards him, Castiel started talking.

“Dean suffers from involuntary age regression. His brain does this to cope with stressful situations. Whenever things get too hard on him, which could be anything from loneliness to stress, he regresses. Usually to the age of one or one and a half, sometimes, in extreme cases, to infancy. He loses the ability to speak, soils himself, loses control over his motoric skills and cannot use his legs.” Castiel was stroking Dean’s hair now, the boy still lax in his hold. Sam had folded his arms and looked at the exchange.

“ I found him a while back in a motel room, underweight and neglected. I knew he wasn’t like that all the time, because I had spoken to him that day when he was in his Big mindset. That is how we call it. When he is ‘normal’, so to speak, he’s in his Big mind. When he regresses, he is Little with a capital L.” Dean had started to get sleepy again, making Castiel push the rubber nipple a bit more further in, wanting Dean to empty the bottle. Dean started suckling again and looked at Castiel with glazed eyes.

“I took care of him that night. The things Dean needed were in the room and that was how I knew how to care for him. Seeing those baby items made me realize what he needed, which was a caretaker. I bathed him, fed him, put him to bed. When he woke up the next morning, he was in his Big mindset again and explained what he was suffering from.”

Sam’s eyes were sad now, fixed on Dean who had almost finished his bottle. Dean’s eyes were closed, sleep probably pulling on him again after the short night and rude awakening.

“Even though Dean tried to cope with his regression the best way he could, I could see that he needed someone to take care of him. When he’s a Little, he can’t take care of himself properly, no matter how much preparation. That was stressing him out, which lead to even more regression. It was a downward spiral that he wouldn’t be able to get out of by himself.” Dean had finished the bottle, so Castiel pulled him up a bit, getting the baby boy to burp. It was a small one, and afterwards Castiel got the boy back in his old position, safe in his Daddy’s arms.

“ I offered him a trial stay with me, and he accepted. The road has been bumpy, but we’re getting there. I take care of Dean, whether he is Big or Little. Your brother was extremely lonely, touch starved and emotional. We do not have a sexual relationship. In everything, I have taken the role of a father. It is what he calls me, too. I feel very protective over him and treat him like he is my child. You can choose to accept this… or you can leave.” Castiel stroked Dean’s cheek, then looked up at Sam.

Sam was still looking at Dean, who was now sleeping in Castiel’s arms, jaw slack, lips slightly parted. A drop of milk had run down his chin and Castiel swiped it away with his thumb.

Castiel grabbed something from his front pocket. It was a little box which held a clean pacifier. Sam’s eyes followed Castiel’s hands as he slid the pacifier into Dean’s mouth. Dean didn’t even stir, but just started suckling.

“Look, man, I’m not gonna lie. This is fucking weird. Dean never told me about any of this. But I get now that it’s… no joke. And he looks quite happy. This is just too much to wrap my head around, with Dad and everything. I mean… you guys do know about John?”

“Yes Sam. I read the texts you sent a couple of days ago. Dean was regressed at the time so he couldn’t answer. I felt it was not my place to do so, either. When I told him about your father’s death, he regressed to infancy for three days. He is very confused about his feelings towards John.” Castiel sighed.

Castiel looked at the boy sleeping in his arms, body totally relaxed against Castiel, eyelids fluttering as if Dean was dreaming. Castiel smiled softly and kissed Dean on his forehead.

“I’m confused, too. And now this with Dean. It’s… it’s a lot to take in,” Sam said as he stroked Jax, probably glad to have the dog there as a bit of a distraction during such a conversation.

“How did you find us, Sam?”

Sam looked up at Castiel and blinked. “The GPS on Dean’s phone is on. When someone turned it on, and I’m guessing that was you, I got a notification and a location. It didn’t say exactly where, just a one mile radius, but I drove around a bit this morning and saw the Impala. I would’ve come sooner, but I don’t live nearby and money is tight.”

Castiel sighed and wished he hadn’t turned Dean’s phone on that first time. Dean already had so much stress, when was his poor boy going to get a break? Castiel knew Dean would feel embarrassed if he knew Sam had seen him as a Little.

“You can’t stay here.” Castiel said.

“I can find a motel in town, no problem.”

“You’ll have to wait until Dean is Big again, and then I’ll talk to him and tell him you’re here. Dean is the one who decides if he wants to talk to you. Not me, not you, him. If he doesn’t want to, you leave town. Do I make myself clear?” Castiel sneered. His protectiveness over Dean was getting intense. He just wanted his baby boy to be happy.

“God, you really do sound like a father. Don’t worry man, I’m leaving. Call me when you have an answer. I’ll be leaving in three days though, just so you know.” Sam looked at him with what Castiel would call a ‘bitchface’, but he wasn’t phased. Dean was his priority and he could care less about Sam’s feelings.

Castiel watched as Sam stood up, then got up himself. Hoisting Dean up, the boy curled around him, arms around his neck, nuzzling in deep.
Dean hummed a bit and Castiel followed Sam to the front door.

Turning around, Sam looked at Dean in Castiel’s arms.
“Fucking weird…” he mumbled.

“You can leave now, Sam.” Castiel said calmly as he stepped around Sam to open the door.
Sam walked out as soon as the door was open and Castiel watched him drive away.

~*~

A day later, Castiel sighed deeply as he sat on the porch swing, Dean straddling his lap, arms around Castiel’s neck and puffing hot breaths. He had his arms around Dean’s waist and was slightly swinging the bench. Dean was squirming lightly, then let go and pulled back. He folded his arms in front of him, not making eye contact with Castiel, then leaned forwards again, into his Daddy’s embrace. Because of this, Castiel knew his boy was Big again, though he wasn’t going to say anything about it. If Dean wanted to stay Little for a while longer, that would be just fine.

Castiel wondered how long Dean would want to stay Little. Dean probably didn’t know that Little Dean never did the ‘folding arms motion’ and Castiel certainly wasn’t going to tell him. The older man smiled to himself, knowing he could read Dean like a book and the boy didn’t even know. Dean probably thought he was the perfect actor.

He decided to tell Dean his feelings, knowing he would understand because he was Big again. This way, because Dean was acting Little, there was no pressure for Dean to have to reply or to have things become awkward. Dean was wanting to be Little at this point, so this was the perfect opportunity. He wasn’t going to mention Sam just yet, he felt it was too quickly after being Big again. It would come, in time.

Castiel began stroking Dean’s back and then placed a soft kiss on top of the boy’s hair. “Guess I should tell you something baby boy… And I reckon it’s easier to tell you now that you are Little. I know you won’t remember this but I need to say this to you. I think I might burst if I don’t.”

He could feel Dean stiffening a bit, probably wondering what Castiel was going to say. The boy relaxed again when Castiel started swinging the bench a bit more.

“This last week has really shown me how much you mean to me… When you ran away… it felt like I had lost a son. I know your real father wasn’t there for you. How he could neglect such a sweet boy is something that I cannot understand. I would very much like to give you a second childhood. I love that you call me Daddy already. I would like to call you my son. I want to provide for you. I feel like we have gotten much closer to each other when you are Big. Your fear of rejection has gotten much less. I would very much like to be your caretaker, to offer you the love and nurture that you need, but also set boundaries and rules. I think having a structured life would help you greatly. I want you to stay with me, because I… Well. Because I love you.” Castiel ended whispering. He wondered if he’d maybe said it too soon – but then again, he felt like he would explode if he hadn’t.

Castiel could feel his chest getting warm and wet, and all of a sudden … his groin too? Frowning, Castiel looked down and understanding dawned on his face. Because Dean had been straddling him they were groin to groin, and Dean had just soiled his diaper so heavily that it was leaking. Baby boy was crying, too, soft sobs and sniffles. He hadn’t realized his words would be such a shock to Dean.

Hoisting the boy up under his armpits as Castiel stood up, Dean immediately put his arms back around Castiel’s neck and folded his legs around Castiel’s hips, which was another thing Little Dean wasn’t capable of, but Castiel didn’t say a word. Big Dean needed time to think after such a heavy confession from Castiel, he understood that.

Dean was shaking a bit, irregular breaths and tremors going through his body as he held on to the older man. Castiel slowly walked to the nursery, laying Dean down. He bent over towards the crying face, kissing him on the forehead. Dean opened his eyes a bit and Castiel stayed close, their foreheads touching. “It’s okay Dean. You don’t have to say anything back. I’ve got you.”

Dean nodded, eyes cast downwards as if he was ashamed of himself, now knowing that Castiel had known he was Big.

“I’ve got you…” Castiel said once more, before giving Dean one last kiss on his forehead. Getting Dean out of his clothes and diaper, he put the boy in the bath tub, gently washing him.

After the bath, he pulled Dean out and put him in a clean diaper and Little clothes. Dean hadn’t said anything about wanting to be Big again, and frankly, Castiel had plans to distract him. Being Little was comforting for Dean, so Castiel would encourage it. “Want to play?” He asked while looking into his boy’s green eyes.

Dean nodded.

“Stay here, I’ll go get the toys, then we can go outside.” Dean nodded once again, laying on the changing mat, absentmindedly putting his thumb into his mouth, index finger rubbing on his nose. His other hand was playing with a button of his onesie, and the combined sight of it was the cutest thing Castiel had ever seen.

Castiel got a blanket, a box of toys and some sunscreen. The toy box was quite big and he wouldn’t be able to carry Dean because he had his hands full.

“Think you can carry this blanket?” Dean looked at the thing and nodded again, not wanting to release the thumb that was taking permanent residence in his mouth. Dean always chose his thumb over (asking for) a pacifier. It was such an adorable sight that Castiel didn’t push for the use of one, even though Dean had a pretty cool collection of adult pacifiers.

Castiel offered him a hand and Dean got off the dresser. Castiel put the rolled up blanket under Dean’s armpit, realizing Dean really wanted to keep his thumb in. He took the box of toys and sunscreen in one hand and put his other in Dean’s.

Hand in hand they walked downstairs, Castiel leading them into the kitchen to grab a Capri Sun for each of them. After that, they walked outside, where Castiel laid out the blanket on the grass next to Jax, while Dean watched.

Dumping the contents of the box onto the blanket, he guided Dean down with him. After he had put sunscreen on Dean and himself, Castiel told the boy that it was okay to play. Dean was a bit hesitant at first, but quickly let his control go and was playing with loud squeals and clapping hands. His thumb was soon forgotten.

After about half an hour, Dean’s excitement started to temper. Castiel put the toys back in the box and grabbed a Capri sun. He jabbed the straw in the pouch, then handed it to Dean, who finished it almost immediately. Boy must have been thirsty. He gave Dean the second one too, which was finished equally as fast.

Castiel laid down on the blanket, on his back, arms folded behind his head. He looked up at the blue sky, and felt Dean snuggling up to lay beside him, an arm thrown around his waist and Dean’s head on his chest. The older man wrapped an arm around Dean and closed his eyes, enjoying this moment. They fell asleep together, Jax snoring happily beside them.

~*~

Dean’s pillow was moving. It was going up and down and up and down, going way too fast. Then it started talking. “No...” it moaned.

Dean scrunched his eyes and blinked against the bright sun. A talking pillow was something worth waking up for, he thought.

“Father… don’t. Father, no!!” the pillow now whimpered. Dean looked up and memories from earlier that day were coming back to him. He was on Daddy’s chest, they had fallen asleep outside. Daddy was having a bad dream, Dean could tell.

“Daddy…” Dean whispered, trying to wake him up.

“Father… no, I… I don’t… it is not a sin!!” Dean looked at Castiel, who had his eyes closed tightly and tears rolling off his face.

Dean put both his hands on Castiel’s face, his thumbs wiping away the tears. “Daddy wake up!!” he said loudly, and immediately Castiel’s face went slack. Dean kept his hands there, wiping away the last tears as Castiel slowly woke up. Castiel slowly blinked and his eyes found Dean.

“Daddy you were crying.” Dean said with concern in his voice.

Castiel sniffed and put his hands on top of Dean’s. He pulled Dean’s hands off his face and sat up, leaving Dean a bit confused. Castiel turned around though and made a motion, asking Dean to come to him.
Dean shuffled over and Castiel sat him in his lap. “I’m sorry you had to see that, baby boy,” he said whispering.

Dean looked up to his Daddy’s face. “Nightmare?” he asked.

“Yes. Nightmare.”

Dean wrapped his arms around his Daddy, wanting to comfort the man as much as he had comforted Dean these last weeks. “It’s going to be okay, Daddy.”

Castiel stiffened and put his hands on Dean’s shoulder, pushing the boy back a bit so he could look him in the eyes. “Dean, it’s already okay. You don’t have to worry about me, do you understand? I do not want you to worry about me. This is just a dream I sometimes have about my past, but I have dealt with it and it doesn’t affect my everyday life anymore. You are the one who needs love and care, I am the one who provides it, okay? I take care of you. I know you will worry about me regardless, but I want to have it said. Maybe sometime, in the future, I could tell you about it. Just… not now. Okay?”

Dean nodded yes and Castiel pulled him back again, embracing Dean in his warm arms. “We do hug a lot don’t we?” Dean smiled as he rested his head on Castiel’s chest.

“Making up for lost time I suppose. I don’t mind.” Castiel replied.

“Me neither,” Dean said as he looked at Jax, who was lazily scanning the area and panting a bit.

“Are you okay Dean? Do you want to go inside? Is your diaper dry?”

Dean grinned at the parade of questions and looked up at his Daddy. “I’m hungry. And wet.”

Castiel ushered Dean off his lap, and then stood up, pulling Dean up with him. Dean squealed as Castiel picked him up, swinging him a bit before setting him on his hip. The boy giggled and let his head fall backwards as Castiel spun him around once more.

The older man stood still suddenly, grabbing Dean tight. “Dizzy already,” he mumbled, and Dean grinned.

“You’re too old to be doing that, Daddy.”

“Never too old, sweetheart. Now, let’s get you changed and make waffles. Sound like a plan?”

Dean squealed yet again and kissed Castiel on the cheek. “Waffles!” he shrieked, and the two of them raced off to the nursery.

Dean was looking around at the nursery while Castiel was changing his diaper.

He sighed. “Daddy I heard what you said this morning. Love you too. I want that. I want you to take care of me. I want rules, I want to know what to do… I was always lost and I want you to say what I can and can’t do, even if I’m Big. Calms me down I guess. I trust you. I want you as my Daddy when I’m Little and when I’m Big.” Dean’s lower lip began to tremble as he spoke.

Castiel had powdered him and was closing the tabs on the diaper. When he finished, he looked at Dean. “You don’t know how much it means for me to have you say that to me. I promise you I will be the best Daddy for you. I’ll give you what you need, love, touch, rules and boundaries. You’ll flourish, Dean, I promise. Love you so much, baby boy.”

“Love you too, Daddy.” Dean said before putting his thumb back in his mouth.

“There are some things we need to talk about though, but we’ll do that after the waffles. Deal?”

Dean, who now knew he could stay with his Daddy forever, was fine with it. He was no longer worried that Castiel would think he was too much trouble or wouldn’t want to take care of him. Whatever kind of news his Daddy had for him, they’d be okay.

“Deal.”

Chapter Text

Dean pushed away his empty plate after finishing an enormous amount of waffles. Castiel was impressed. Knowing he was going to tell Dean about Sam’s visit now, he was getting a bit antsy.
The younger man looked at him expectantly with questioning eyes.

“Sam was here.”

Dean frowned. “Yesterday? When I was Little?”

Castiel nodded, looking at Dean intensely. He thought Dean would’ve been more shocked, but it seemed that was not the case.

“He woke us up the morning after you had come back. Banging on the door. Apparently, he found you through the GPS of your phone after I had turned it on. He was here for about half an hour, we talked in the kitchen while I gave you your bottle. You slept through most of it though.”

Dean sighed. He was fiddling with the sleeve of his shirt and then looked up at Cas. “Did I… did Little Dean react to him? What did Sam say? Was he rude? Oh God… he was rude, wasn’t he? I knew he wouldn’t understand, I just…”

Castiel reached over to grab Dean’s hand. “You hid from him. To Little Dean, he was a stranger. Sam wasn’t exactly rude… well, okay, he was,” Castiel said as Dean looked at him with one eyebrow raised.
“He was rude, but I think that was because he didn’t really understand. At first he thought we were pranking him.”

Dean looked down at where their hands were joined and slightly squeezed Cas’ hand. “So, what happens now? Is he still in town?”

“Yes, he’s staying at a motel. He’ll be here for a couple more days. If you want to talk to him, you can. That is up to you. However, I will be going with you. I won’t interrupt, but I need to be there for you in case something upsets you, or Sam takes things too far. You are my responsibility now, Dean. Getting things sorted out with your brother is in your best interest, but as a father I will be coming with you.”

Dean smiled then. “That’s what I wanted, Daddy.”

“I know baby boy. Do you want to call him now?” Castiel asked, squeezing Dean’s hand.

“No. I think I’ll call him this afternoon. I want to be Big today. Get some chores done, distract myself a bit.”

“Very well. I will call Bobby. He’s the owner of Singer Auto, a garage not far from here. He might be able to give you a job, but we need to tell him about your regression. He needs to know what to do if you regress at work or why you could suddenly be absent for a couple of days. I know him, he’s a good man. Would you like that?”

Dean’s eyes glistened and he smiled at Castiel. “I’d like that very much. There isn’t anything left to do on our own cars, best I’d work on someone else’s, right?”

Castiel chuckled, knowing he’d made the right call. “Okay, I’ll get in touch with Bobby.”

~*~

Dean was out on the deck with nails and a hammer, tightening loose boards and walking around to see if there were other things that needed to be taken care of. Jax was watching him, one paw held protectively over a large wooden stick he had found, as if he were afraid Dean would want to take it from him.

Pffft, as if Dean would have interest in a wooden stick. Well, okay. Little Dean might. But Little Dean wasn’t in the picture right now, and Big Dean couldn’t care less about a stick. Still, he walked over slowly towards Jax, who now looked at Dean suspiciously. Suddenly, Dean jumped forward, causing Jax to stand up quickly, taking the stick in his mouth and running away.

Dean squealed as Jax had jumped up and immediately put a hand over his mouth, realizing he let out a very Little Dean type sound. Adding to the embarrassment, he had wet himself. Great, now he was soiling himself even when he was Big.

As if on cue, Castiel walked through the back door, eyes landing on Dean and then Dean’s crotch.
Dean was still standing up, so Castiel would know Dean was still Big.

“It just happened… I was playing with Jax, and I guess I got so excited that I, well, you know,” Dean mumbled. His cheeks turned red a bit and he fiddled with his hands, not really knowing where to put them at the moment.

Castiel stepped forward and put a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I understand, and it’s okay. As your Daddy I think it might be best to start wearing diapers, or maybe some sort of pads if that is more comfortable for you, when you are Big.”

“Yeah, I guess. I didn’t think this would happen to me when I was Big. It never happened before.”

Castiel frowned. “It did. Don’t you remember? That night, when you came back to me? You had wet yourself then, too. I changed you, even though you were Big.”

Dean grimaced. “Oh, God I did, didn’t I?”

Castiel squeezed his shoulder. “So, I’m saying pad or diaper. Your choice.”

“Diaper then, because we don’t have those other things right now,” Dean said, not looking Castiel in the eye.

“Do you want me to help you, or do you want to do it yourself?”

“I think I can do it myself. Been doing that before you came along you know… I’ll manage…” Dean mumbled.

Castiel looked at the boy, then put a finger under Dean’s chin and raised his hand, making him look at Castiel. “Shower first, or use wet wipes to clean it. Don’t forget to treat the rash. The cream is in the purple tube. Make sure to put it on the spots with the rash only, don’t just smear it everywhere. And don’t scratch it! Then powder the area before you put on the diaper, that’s the light blue bottle. Those tabs can be a bit sticky so make sure to get them in one go or else you’ll have it on crooked. These aren’t like those cheap pull-ups you used to use, so just take your time.”

Dean looked at Castiel, not saying anything, but his face was giving away his confusion. “Okay, so, rash, powder, sticky tabs.”

“Wet wipes. Don’t forget the wet wipes.”

“Wet wipes...” Dean muttered, shaking his head, as he walked towards his nursery. Who knew diapers were so involved?

~*~

Castiel chuckled and sat down on the porch swing, waiting for Dean to call for help.

Diapers were great, but to put them on yourself was a bit of a struggle. It was easier if Dean lay down first and then closed it, but knowing Dean he’d be wanting to do that standing up like he had done before Castiel came along, and that just wouldn’t work. Castiel wondered about the rash though, because yesterday it had been quite bad.

Sure enough, after about ten minutes, he could hear Dean’s frustrated voice yelling for him. “Daddy!!”

Castiel headed up to the nursery, finding Dean with the diaper closed but not on him, the cream smeared everywhere and a red face filled with frustration.

“Talk to me,” Castiel said.

“Damn thing wouldn’t stay put, I had it on my left hip then I wanted to close the other end but that sticky tab got stuck too low and my dick was angled up, which was tugging on my balls, so I had to adjust that.
I pulled the thing down, opened and fastened it again, wanting to put it on as a pair of underwear like I always used to do, so I bent forwards and that made the cream go literally everywhere and I forgot to powder, so I have to do that too and FUCK- why can’t I control my bladder like a normal fucking person, now I’m half naked and that rash is fucking killing me, it itches like crazy and then-“

Castiel had walked over to him, grabbing the diaper and tossing it in the bin. He took Dean’s hand and led him to the changing table. “Get on and lay down,” he said softly.

Dean did as he was asked and Castiel got to work. He cleaned everything so he could do it like he wanted to. First, he made Dean roll over to his side, and he tucked a clean diaper underneath. When Dean was on his back again, he applied the cream to where the rash was and he could see it was better than yesterday. He powdered the area, then made sure Dean’s penis was tucked in the right way, and fastened the diaper. All in all, it took him less than two minutes.

“Better?” he asked.

“Yes, better,” Dean mumbled.

Ruffling Dean’s hair and then giving him a peck on his forehead, Castiel walked out of the room. “Make sure to put your dirty laundry in the washing machine. Do a short program, and not too much detergent!” He called over his shoulder.

“Yes Daddy...” he could hear Dean grumble, but he could also hear the smile with which it was said.

~*~

Castiel had called Bobby and told him about Dean. He hadn’t told him about the regression part yet, but he did tell him that there were some circumstances that would have Dean be absent somewhat frequently. Maybe in the future Dean could control his regression, but that wasn’t the case as of yet, so Bobby would have to know beforehand before deciding if he wanted Dean to come work at his garage or not. They set up an appointment so Dean could meet Bobby and have a look around the shop.

The older man was getting some coffee when Dean walked into the kitchen, his phone in his hand.
“I think I’m going to call Sam now,” he said, while sitting down.

Castiel put the coffee pot back in its holder and sat down at the table with him, but didn’t say anything.

With trembling fingers Dean pressed ‘call’ and put the phone on speaker, looking at Castiel with uncertainty.

“It’ll be okay, Dean,” Castiel said calmly.

Sam answered almost immediately.

Dean? I was hoping you would call.

“Yeah, it’s me Sammy. I uh… Cas told me you came by. Wanted to talk to me, about dad and everything. Sorry I wasn’t able to um… talk to you.”

Castiel sighed. “Don’t apologize for your regression, Dean.”

Dean rubbed his face with his hands and then stared at the phone.

Am I on speaker?

“Yeah Sam. Daddy is here too. I mean… I mean Cas. Fuck. So, what do you need to tell me? I know about what dad said in the will. Do you wanna… um… meet up? I could do this afternoon if you’d like. Or tonight. Daddy will be coming with me though.” Dean turned red a bit as he realized that he had yet again referred to Cas as ‘Daddy’ in front of Sam, but he didn’t correct the last sentence. Castiel put a hand on Dean’s shoulder and squeezed a bit, calming the boy down.

It was silent on the other end of the line. Yeah. Yeah, okay, I guess. I could come to your place if you want.

“No, we’ll come to you. No problem. Tonight?”

Around eight okay?

“Yeah, okay.”

After Sam had given them the motel information, they hung up. Dean was rubbing the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact with Castiel, who had removed his hand from Dean’s shoulder.

“Nervous?” Castiel asked. He could see Dean tensing up.

“Yeah. A bit.”

“Just a bit, huh?” chuckled Castiel.

Dean smiled softly and stood up. “Talk to that Bobby person yet?”

“Yes. We’re meeting him next week. You can have a look around and meet him,” Castiel said as he stood up as well, putting his now empty coffee mug in the sink. When he turned around he saw Dean walking towards him, arms folded to his chest. Castiel opened his arms immediately, letting the young boy in.

“Maybe we could go fishing this weekend? On that boat?” he mumbled into Castiel’s chest.

Castiel rubbed Dean’s back as he answered. “That sounds like a good idea. We’ll go by the docks tomorrow, see if we can find Benny. I can go online and order some adult swim diapers. That sound good?”

“Yeah, sounds good Daddy.”

After a long hug in the kitchen, Dean let go. Castiel went back to work until it was time for dinner and Dean got some more chores done around the house.

Dinner came and went and before they knew it, it was time to go to the motel. Castiel helped Dean into a clean diaper, then had to tell the boy repeatedly that you couldn’t see the thing underneath his jeans. Sam wasn’t going to know.

Dean wasn’t comfortable, it was easy to tell. He got irritated quickly and cursed when he couldn’t get one of his boots on quick enough. “Dammit Jax, get out the way!” he yelled at the dog, who was laying in the middle of the hallway. Jax couldn’t be bothered and just lazily glanced up to Dean before he wagged his tail slowly. Dean huffed, stepped over the dog and then grabbed his jacket.

“Dean.”

Dean didn’t respond and was fiddling with the zipper.

“Dean, turn around and look at me.”

“Jesus, we’re going to be late!” he sneered, still tugging at the zipper.

Well, that was uncalled for. “Dean Winchester, you turn around this instant and you look at me, young man! ”

Dean stiffened at the tone of voice Castiel was using and did as he was told.

“I understand you are nervous about seeing your brother. That does not mean you should take it out on Jax, your boots or your jacket. Or me, for that matter. Calm down and get in the Lincoln. You’re not driving.”

Dean’s shoulders deflated, then he walked over to the kitchen, throwing the Impala’s keys on the table.
“Fine,” he muttered, before walking back to the door.

Castiel took him gently by the arm, turning Dean around so they could see each other. “Remember. I’m right by your side the entire time. If you are uncomfortable at any point or you feel that you’re regressing, you let me know.”

“Let you know how?”

Castiel thought about it. “How about you mention Jax? Say something about him and I’ll make sure we leave quickly.”

Castiel startled when he suddenly had his arms full of Dean, grabbing him tightly, his nose in his neck.

“I’m such a girl …” he whispered.

“No, you’re not. Now, let’s go or we’ll be late.” Castiel closed the front door as Dean was walking towards the Lincoln.

The drive was short, Dean tapping his fingers on his knee and looking out the window with a frown.
“You sure you can’t see the diaper?”

“No, Dean. I know it’s there, but even I can’t see it. So Sam won’t notice at all. I promise.”

~*~
Dean got out of the car, pulling his jeans up once again hoping the white band of the diaper was hidden behind it. Not to mention the little decorations they had on them (dinosaurs this time). He loved the fact that there were adult diapers with frikkin’ little dinosaurs on them, but Sam didn’t need to know that.

Walking over to the room number Sam had given them, he felt Castiel’s hand on his back. It was very welcome, the nerves disappearing a bit. Dean knocked, and Sam opened the door a few seconds later.

“Come on in,” he said as he pointed over towards the two beds.

Dean sat down on one bed, Castiel sitting next to him. Sam sat down on the one next to it, so they were face to face.

There was a pregnant pause.

“Well, this is awkward, huh?” Dean said. He felt someone squeeze his hand, and didn’t realize up until that moment that he had sought out Cas’, turning red a bit as he looked at Sam.

Sam looked at Dean holding hands with Cas, but he didn’t say anything. “So, eh, you know about Dad. And about, you know, his will.”

“Yeah, he left us the house and some money on the bank?” Dean asked.

“Well, the house has been taken by the bank, seeing the amount of debt Dad was in, that was no surprise really. Money in the bank was about eighty bucks, which I used for the funeral. I was able to sell all the stuff from the house, furniture and such, in one go. I used that money to pay the rest, plus a bit of my savings.”

Dean stiffened. “How much do I owe you Sam?”

Sam’s eyes widened. “No, no! No, don’t worry about it Dean, it was a cheap funeral.”

“I want to pay my share, Sam.”

“Don’t, Dean. It’s over, it’s paid. Dad’s in the past.”

Dean scowled, but didn’t push the subject further. “So, next to the funeral stuff, what are you really here for?”

Sam ran a hand through his hair and looked at Dean. “When I couldn’t get a hold of you, I got worried. I know you don’t reply much, but you weren’t at the funeral. And I know that you wouldn’t have wanted to miss that. I knew there must be something wrong. So, I activated your GPS, then waited for you to turn on your phone.”

Dean’s lips were in a tight line. “Why worry now? You never worried before. I visited you, you know. When you were at Stanford. You hadn’t replied to my calls and e-mails, so I drove. You were happy as could be, hanging around with your friends at some local bar. You got away from me, from dad. You were finally happy. Happy without me. Why couldn’t you just leave me alone?” Castiel was stroking his back and shushing him, keeping him relatively calm.

“I’m sorry. I am, Dean, really. Life at Stanford is just so… so different, and, well… fun. I knew you were okay because you kept in touch, and I should have replied, I know I should have, and fuck… I know I screwed up.”

Dean thought he would be relieved to hear Sam’s apologies, but instead he just got angry. “You know what, Sam, fuck you! Fuck you for leaving me, for thinking I’d be okay on my own, or with dad for that matter. I haven’t talked to dad in years either! I was going to tell you, when I went to visit you. I needed a place to stay because I left him. But again. You were so happy without me. I would’ve been a burden to you. You very obviously did not need me. I didn’t trust you enough to let you help me. I still don’t. ” Castiel was stroking his hair now, Dean leaning into the touch.

“Well, good, ‘cause seeing you as a baby was fucking weird. You’re like a mental case! ” Sam replied angrily.

~*~

“JAX!” Dean screamed. Castiel had seen it coming, had already planned on cutting the conversation short, but the damage had been done. He was just glad to be there when Dean broke down because of his brother’s comment. He was proud of Dean though, for safe-wording when he did.

“That’s it, we’re done,” Castiel said with a determined voice, looking at Sam with anger in his eyes. “I’m taking Dean home. I don’t want to see you again, Sam.”

Dean was sagging against Castiel, mumbling “Jax..” over and over again. He was still Big, but it would only be a matter of time before his Little mind kicked in.

Castiel swiftly pulled Dean into his arms and stood up, carrying Dean out to the car. Sam followed them, making Cas boil with rage. After he had put Dean in the front seat, he turned around. “It’s done, Sam.”

Sam squinted and his mouth turned into a thin line. He looked Castiel straight in the eyes. “He’s turned into a mental case, and you’re just enabling him. Think about that,” he sneered before walking back to his motel room, closing the door with a bang.

Castiel didn’t think twice about what Sam said, knowing full well he wasn’t enabling Dean at all. Dean couldn’t take care of himself, especially not when he was an infant. He needed Castiel, plain and simple. Sam was ignorant, and Castiel was glad to be rid of him. He got in the car and saw that it was Little Dean that he would be driving home. The regression had been fast this time.

The drive home was quick, Dean leaning against him and sucking his thumb. It was late, especially for Little Dean, and when he was home he immediately walked to the nursery. Dean had soiled himself heavily, resulting in bath time.

After the bath, Castiel put his baby boy in a clean diaper and some bear pajamas. Dean was still mumbling Jax’ name over and over. He whistled for Jax to come up the stairs, glad the old dog was still able to do so, and sure enough, a few moments later Jax wandered into the nursery.

Picking Dean up, he walked over to his own bed, Jax following them. He laid Dean down and invited Jax to come into the bed. Normally this wasn’t allowed, Jax always stayed downstairs, so the dog hesitated. Castiel patted the comforter once more and then helped the dog up, bending the rules just this one night because he had a feeling Jax could help Dean greatly right now.

Jax immediately curled up next to Dean, who in his turn flung an arm around the dog. It was uncoordinated and loose, but Jax didn’t mind. Jax laid down completely, yawning once. Dean giggled at that and then whispered “Jeks…” repeatedly.

Castiel got into bed on the other side, his mind already putting the bed linens in the laundry to get the smell of dog and the dog hair out. He wasn’t keen on having the furry animal there, but it did make Little Dean happy and he felt Dean deserved that after such a heavy evening.

When Castiel woke the following morning, Jax was curled up on the floor. The bed had probably been too warm for the furry animal. Castiel was hot too, almost sweating, his lungs heavy. There was a weight on his chest and as he looked down he saw his big Little octopus surrounding him.

Dean had draped himself all over Cas, chest to chest. His arms around Castiel’s neck, his head on his chest, groin to groin, knees tucked forwards. It was almost a fetal position. Castiel wondered how Dean had been able to do that in his Little mindset, but didn’t question it any further. He was getting too warm and he really needed to pee.

Castiel carefully tried to wake Dean, but the boy grumbled, muttering “Daddy...” and didn’t move an inch. Trying a different tactic, Castiel started to tickle Dean. He knew Dean had a soft spot for that in the crook of his neck, so he aimed for that. Dean immediately pulled his head toward his shoulder and tried to squirm out of his hold, but Castiel was holding on tight now, teasing the boy.
Dean started squealing and squirming more intensely, until Castiel finally let go.

“Wake up, cowboy! Waffles!” Castiel said.

“Up up up!!” Dean giggled.

Castiel rolled over so he was hovering over Dean. “Up?” he asked. “Up Daddy!”

“Waffles?”

“Affels!”

Half an hour later found the pair outside in the grass, bellies full. Castiel was sitting with Dean in his lap, bottle in his mouth. After Dean finished his bottle, Castiel burped him and then held him tight.

“Love you baby boy.”

“’Off you ‘aby oi” Little Dean replied.

Castiel teared up. It was as close as an ‘I love you’ he was going to get out of Little Dean, the baby boy not even knowing what the word ‘love’ meant, but he felt content, knowing both Big and Little Dean trusted him so much.

He knew there would be many obstacles ahead, which frightened him, but he had to stay strong for his boy.

Chapter Text

It had been almost a week since the incident with Sam. Dean had come out of his regression at a slow pace, needing to adjust to the fact that Sam hadn’t been capable of understanding Dean’s issues. Dean had been clingy ever since, even more clingy then normal, not wanting Castiel out of his sight and always seeking touch one way or another.

Dean had been Big again about two days after the incident, only to regress another day later. That one was a short one; Dean had regressed in the morning and had come back in the late afternoon. It didn’t really matter though, because Castiel was his Daddy no matter what state of mind his boy was in. The basic needs stayed the same; Castiel was responsible for Dean.

They had agreed on Dean wearing diapers full time now, adding a onesie to the equation so that Dean was sure people couldn’t see that he was wearing a diaper no matter how he moved. Dean had been letting his Little mind take control now and then, usually when playing with Jax or when snuggled up to his Daddy.

Castiel always changed Dean’s diaper after the first failed attempt. When Daddy was changing the diaper, it was sometimes hard to tell if it was Big or Little Dean on the changing mat. Big Dean would look around at the room absently, or suck his thumb. Usually both at the same time. Little Dean did exactly the same, although he usually would try to put a few fingers in there instead of his thumb. Sometimes, if Dean was uncomfortable or Castiel had needed more time to clean him after a #2, Castiel would get him his pacifier and dinosaur. Big Dean would never object to this and take the items with as much happiness as Little Dean. There were times when Little Dean would get so drowsy, he’d fall asleep in the middle of a diaper change. Daddy would just finish up changing him a bit more slowly, and usually put him in his crib afterwards, after he’d wiped the drool off of Dean’s face. No matter Big or Little, drool was a constant factor with a sleeping Dean.

Right now, Castiel was sitting on the sand, watching the lake and staring at the waves. Jax was running in and out of the water and enjoying himself very much, while Big Dean chased after him. Castiel grinned and took a picture of it with his phone. That would make a very nice new background photo.

“Look Daddy!! I almost caught him!” Dean yelled.

“I can see that!” Castiel had to shout back, because Dean was almost out of hearing range.

Jax wasn’t having any of it though and set out to run faster, as fast as his old legs could take him.
Dean immediately set in pursuit. They ran for quite a bit and Castiel was almost ready to tell Dean not to go too much farther, when Dean stumbled and landed face first in the water.

He was up before he knew it, running towards the boy who was now getting up on all fours. “Dean! Are you okay baby boy?” Castiel asked as he walked around Dean so he could look him in the eyes.

The boy looked up and his lips started to tremble. Castiel crouched down and cupped Dean’s face. “Does anything hurt?” he asked.

Dean’s lips trembled some more and his lower lip came out in a pout. The next thing that happened was to be expected, but it was a first for Big Dean. A Little cry from a Big boy. “Waaaaaah …” it started, and soon Dean was crying hysterically. Castiel had already figured out there were no physical injuries and that Dean had just been shocked by what happened. Castiel acting so concerned was the last trigger the boy needed to cry. The older man made a mental note to act a bit more casual next time, but it would be difficult, because caring was something Castiel exceeded in. Castiel pulled the boy in tight, getting them out of the cold water as Jax followed them, sad that play time was over.

Dean’s diaper was over saturated with water making Dean’s jeans stretch out to maximum capacity and generally making his boy very uncomfortable. It was cold and huge and soggy and Castiel felt sad for the poor boy as he hoisted him up and took him in his arms. Putting his arm under the boy’s butt made even more water leak from the diaper and Dean cried even harder, if that was possible. Castiel was very glad they lived in a remote location and there was nobody else on the beach. How was he going to explain a crying full grown man in his arms with a saggy diaper bottom?

Walking back towards the house was difficult with a Big baby in his arms thanks to the loose sand. Thankfully, Dean began to settle down. Castiel could feel Dean’s left arm tightening around his neck, going towards Dean’s head, which had been safely tucked in Cas’ neck. As soon as the boy had the thumb in his mouth, there were only sniffles left and the occasional hiccup. When they were on the grass again, he put Dean down, who took his hand. They walked back to the house together, well, Dean waddled and Castiel walked, Jax trotting behind them.

Glad to finally reach the nursery, Castiel started to take Dean’s wet clothes off. The boy wasn’t having it and refused to cooperate like he usually did. As soon as Castiel had laid him down and Dean realized he was supposed to be Big, (not that Castiel would ever mention this – he loved them both equally as much) he started to get up from the changing mat and started taking them off himself.

“Big boy now Daddy, I do this myself...” he mumbled, not looking Castiel in the eye.

Remembering their conversation, Castiel decided to act, giving Dean rules and limitations. “You can take off your clothes and put them in the washing machine. Take off that soggy diaper, I will put you in a dry one. After that you pick out your clothes for tonight and put them on.”

Dean looked up as Castiel was telling him this, finally making eye contact again.

“I’ll read some more Harry Potter to you tonight, after that, bed at nine pm.” Castiel would let Big Dean stay up till about eleven, unless he saw his boy was tired and needed more sleep. Dean never fought it before and wanted to make his Daddy happy. Little Dean would usually go to bed at around eight, so Castiel decided that his Big Little Boy would be put somewhere in the (sort of) middle.

Dean’s eyes widened. “But Daddy you said we could watch an action movie tonight?”

“Change of plans. No action movie for you tonight baby boy. You’re too Little at this point.”

Dean frowned. “No, I’m not!” he exclaimed, nearly stomping one foot on the floor, fists balled by his side. The fact that Dean was standing there looking like a diapered version of Grumpy Cat wasn’t doing much to convince Castiel.

“So, you’re telling me you’re not two seconds away from a tantrum?” Castiel asked dubiously, brows raised.

Dean scowled and looked everywhere except towards Castiel. “Why can’t I watch movie with guns and the fights?” he demanded.

“Because of this. You’ve started talking as a Little, too. And that’s okay, it just means you’re getting more and more comfortable here. However, it also means you can’t watch a Big movie tonight.” Castiel kept calm, knowing Dean would either agree or start throwing a fit.

Unfortunately, it was the latter.

“Stupid! Big, Little, don’t matter! I wanted the movie with the guns!” Dean yelled, throwing his hands in the air as an exaggerated move of unhappiness. “I’m a Big Boy, I take care of myself!” was his final retort as he turned, back towards Castiel, diaper squishing with the movement.

The older man could see in Dean’s body language that he was ashamed, or angered, he couldn’t really tell the difference at this time. His last spoken sentence was clearly being put down by the fact he had a diaper on.

Castiel couldn’t stop himself for giving a small huff at the very cute display of anger. It made Dean look adorable, but he knew he couldn’t let Dean get away with it. The young man would probably not appreciate Castiel’s opinion on this either.

“So, you want to stand here in your wet clothes and wet diaper sulk?” Castiel asked calmly. “Or would you like to be a big boy and get yourself into warm, dry clothes and take care of these wet ones so we can enjoy our evening?”

“Stand ‘nd sulk.” The baby boy replied.

“Very well. I’m going to start dinner. Come down when you’re ready. Bye Dean.” Castiel said, as he put a hand on Dean’s shoulder and squeezed it a bit.

Turning around and walking out of the room, a smile grew on his face as his plan had worked. It hadn’t even been two seconds before Dean realized Castiel had actually walked away. The boy was behind him in seconds, putting his arms around his waist and pulling his Daddy towards him. “No no no, don’t go Daddy! Sorry!”

Castiel turned around in Dean’s grasp and put a hand on Dean’s cheek, thumb stroking the boy’s eyebrow. “Are you going to listen to Daddy then? This time and the times after that?”

“Yes Daddy...” Dean whispered.

“Good. Now, out of these clothes and into something a little less wet and cold, okay?”

Dean did just that, and let Castiel help him with his clothing. Castiel noticed lines were beginning to fade rapidly in Dean’s time as a Big or a Little. Involuntary regression still happened, but Dean wasn’t fighting it as much and Castiel sometimes got a feeling that Dean welcomed his regression now. If this was his way of coping with the death of his biological father and the aftermath with Sam, Castiel didn’t know. Dean didn’t talk about it very much, making it clearer to Castiel that Dean would have to seek professional help somewhere in the near future. Someone who he could talk to or who would make him see things in a different light. Not all could be fixed with hugs and cuddles from his new Daddy, which said Daddy loved by the way, even though Dean did seem to think so.

Deciding to put that conversation off until after the fishing trip with Benny, he got his now clean and warm boy downstairs, where he would make dinner. They’d visited Benny last week, Dean was a Little at the time, asking for that overdue fishing trip, and the man was all too happy to go. They set a date and Dean was very excited when Castiel had told him.

Dean was on the sofa watching television when Castiel came in. Castiel stopped before Dean noticed him, grinning to himself because the TV was set on Nickelodeon. Of course, Dean would want to watch Big Manly Movies when he was Big. He was a Tough Guy™. No way he’d watch something as childlike as Henry Danger. No frikkin’ way.

Walking towards Dean, the boy startled a bit and put the TV on Discovery Channel. “You can put it back to Nick if you want,” Castiel said.

“Nah. Like this better,” Dean said as he took a plate from Castiel.

Not really wanting the TV set back to Nickelodeon either, Castiel just nodded and started digging in.
He wouldn’t admit it at first, but children’s television bored him to death and he’d rather not watch. Of course, if Dean did want to, that would be absolutely fine, but Castiel didn’t want to encourage him. He’d rather have Dean find his joy in playing with his toys or Castiel reading to him. Maybe he was being a bit old fashioned about this part of bringing up a child, but he believed they shouldn’t be put in front of a tablet or a television whenever they started to act up.

“Excited for tomorrow?” Castiel asked Dean between bites.

“Hmm hmm, yea’, excited ‘bout the boat!” Dean replied with a mouth full of spaghetti. Yuck.

“Swallow your food before you talk Dean. We’ve been over this how many times?” Castiel asked with a sigh.

Dean quickly chewed and swallowed and then apologized. Castiel was seriously considering making Big Dean wear a bib, just like he did when he was Little. “Sorry Daddy, but this is just very good spaghetti! I said I was excited about the boat.”

“Me too. I hope he has life jackets. And one of those radio’s for if we get lost. Maybe some food supplies, because I don’t know how long we’ll be gone. Should we bring some warm coats?”

“Dadddyyy….” Dean whined as he looked at Castiel. “It’s going to be fine, you said so yourself! You said this Benny is like, the captain of the ship. I think he knows what he’s doing, don’t you?”

Castiel slumped his shoulders. “I know. It’s just, I’m not very comfortable on boats. And you cried when you fell in the water this afternoon! What would happen if you fell in the water tomorrow? Can you even swim?”

“Yes, I can swim. Very good, actually. Besides, if something happens, you two have got my back, right? And this afternoon… well, the cold water just frightened me, I got scared, I think,” Dean replied as he scraped the last of the spaghetti off the plate.

Putting his own plate on the table, and then taking Castiel’s and finishing that one, because Dean had the appetite of small elephant, Dean set the other plate down and scooted over towards Castiel, snuggling in to his Daddy with his head on Cas’ chest. “We’ll be fine Daddy.”
Castiel sighed and carded his fingers through Dean’s hair. “Guess it was about time you comforted me for once, huh?” he chuckled. He could feel Dean’s grin on his chest and pulled the boy in tighter, both of them focused on a program about fish, ironically enough.

~*~

Dean and Castiel walked down the dock to the ‘Andrea’, having spotted Benny up and about. They had walked from their house, the weather being nice enough to do so.

“Mornin’! Ready to head out to the water?” Benny said as he helped Castiel and Dean climb aboard.

“Yeah!” Dean said with a grin from ear to ear. He had been jumping around since the early morning, excited to be going on the fishing trip.
Castiel was grumpy from Dean waking him up earlier than he preferred and worrying about a lot of little things. Dean had assured him everything was going to be okay and by God, Castiel hoped so. He wasn’t a big fan of actually getting in the water. Watching it from the shore was absolutely fine, but that was as far as he’d usually go.

Dean helped Benny get some things ready and undoing the moorings.

Benny eased the engine to idle and explained all the knobs and buttons to him as they puttered through the no-wake zone before getting to more open waters. “Now this boat don’t have some fancy type computer or anythin’, but we can make her move with the push of a button. This red one here, push it Lil’ man.”

Benny had been calling Dean ‘Lil’ man’ the last time too, and Castiel found it an endearing nickname. This was the first time Big Dean heard it, but it seemed Big Dean was a bit too excited for everything to even register what Benny just called him.

Dean pushed the button and squealed a bit as the engine rumbled to life. “It’s going! It’s going! Can we go to the fish now Benny?” he asked as he looked at the Captain.

Benny took off his sailor cap and put it on Dean’s head. “Sure can Lil’ man. Steer her that-a-way, we’ll find a place to anchor down.”

Dean adjusted the sailor cap so it fit perfectly and happily took the steering wheel, Benny standing behind him, making sure to keep an eye on things and keep the boat steady.

Meanwhile, Castiel had put on a lifejacket and brought one over to Dean. “Dean, put this on please.”

Dean grumbled a bit, but put it on nonetheless. “I’m a Big boy though Daddy, I know how to swim!”

“Listen to your old man’, he knows what’s best,” Benny said. “Just ‘cause you’re Big now don’t mean it’s less important!”

After a while, Benny stopped the boat and put the anchor down. They caught some fairly big fish and Dean squealed and jumped with every catch, Castiel snapping pictures and trying not to get too close to the fish that were flopping about on deck. Castiel wouldn’t come towards them until Benny had put them in the cooler.

Dean found Castiel’s behavior hilarious and at one point managed to get one of the slimy fish and push it in front of Castiel’s nose. The older man scrunched his nose and started flapping his hands angrily, which made Dean double over with laughter and caused Benny to snort.

“You should’ve seen your face Daddy! You were like… like…” Dean tried to talk through the laughter, but failed miserably. Tears of laughter stroked his cheeks. “Like a… Oh oh oh nevermind…” Dean gasped as he wiped the tears from his eyes.

Castiel folded his arms in front of him, looking displeased at being teased, but secretly enjoying Dean’s happiness. “Yes. You laugh. I do not see how making me feel uncomfortable is a laughing matter. I do not wish to be presented with a slimy gill-bearing aquatic animal mere inches from my nose, thank you.”

“Gill-bearing aqua… what?!” Dean laughed again, snorting as he inhaled.

Benny was the one who was hunched over now, barely able to breathe because of his laughter.

Castiel merely sat down and waited for the two of them to come back to their senses.

It was wonderful to see Dean this way. Absolutely relaxed, laughing, not a care in the world. He needed more memories like this in his life, after experiencing so much pain and heartache in his past. Castiel soaked it all in, every wrinkle on Dean’s laughing face, every sound and every gesture.
He hated the boat, but for Dean, he’d go with him every time. Maybe, somewhere in the future, Benny could take him fishing alone. Castiel trusted Benny from the beginning, recognized his good soul and knew that he wouldn’t hurt Dean. Of course, right now it was too early, but Castiel hoped it would someday come true, because he really wasn’t at all comfortable on the water. The reason why was a story for another time.

The laughter died down after a few minutes, Castiel still sitting down. Dean walked over to him and sat on his lap. He put his arms around Castiel’s neck and cuddled him. “Daddy I need a clean diaper... ” he whispered.

Castiel looked at Benny, who nodded at him, understanding what had happened. Benny knew Dean wore diapers even when he was Big and had even made sure there was a place to change Dean.

Taking Dean down into the belly of the b oat, he got them both out of their life jackets before getting a clean diaper on his boy. It was uncomfortable for Dean to lie down with the jacket still on, and Castiel found the thing very immobilizing. Dean had only peed, and Castiel cleaned and powdered him before he put him in an adult swim diaper, which was a pull-up. Very handy. He had made Dean wear adult diapers that were specifically for swimming, even though they weren’t planning on going in the water. It was much too cold anyways. Still, Dean needed to know if they were comfortable enough and should they decide to go swimming in the future they’d have some in supply.

Lifejackets in one hand, he ushered Dean forwards so the boy could go up the stairs first. Castiel followed, walking out towards the front of the boat where Dean had walked to meet up with Benny who had waited for them patiently.

Castiel stood near the side of the boat and held out Dean’s life jacket, his own still in his left hand.
As he moved forward, he slipped, the wet flooring underneath him acting like a fresh banana peel and before he knew it, he toppled over backwards, his back slamming against the railing and gravity helping him into the water.

The older man screamed until he hit the water, the air knocked out of his lungs as he was engulfed in near-freezing water. The shock of it all made his first instinct was to open his mouth for air, which caused him to gulp in water and make him panic. Water everywhere, in his nose, his mouth, his eyes. His clothes and shoes acted as weights pulling him down deeper. Castiel tried to go swim up, flailing as he realized he had lost the life jacket somewhere, unsure where the surface was, due to the darkness of the water. He knew he had to calm down, let the water push him upwards, but knowing and doing were two different things as he panicked. He never liked the water, or did he mention that already?

Why did he even agree to go on this trip? Oh yeah… Dean…

Castiel’s thoughts were slowing down, the cold from the water was disappearing, instead he felt… nothing. He was just enjoying the silence the water gave him. Then he was beginning to lose his vision, dark spots appearing. He felt at peace. It was time for a nap, anyway. Darkness surrounded him and he gave in.

~*~

“Daddy!!” Dean screamed as he saw Castiel fall into the water. It had happened so quick. Daddy had given him his lifejacket and then slipped, hit his back on the railing and then fell into the water.

Without thinking about it, Dean dove into the water, his own life jacket still on board. Big Dean was fully present, set out to save his Daddy. He didn’t know if the blow to the water would’ve knocked him unconscious and he also didn’t know if his Daddy could even swim. What if he couldn’t? What if Daddy was sinking?

“Benny! Wait there! I’ll find him !” he called out to the other man, knowing he’d need Benny’s help if he found his Daddy. If.. No. When. When he was going to find his Daddy.

Dean took a deep breath and went under, Benny watching him from the boat. The water was dark, opening his eyes did nothing, it only stung. He went down as far as he could at the spot where his Daddy had gone under. Why hadn’t Daddy come up yet? Could he really not swim? Dean had seen the fear in Castiel’s eyes as he tripped. Maybe he hit his back so hard that he couldn’t move?

Dean swam deeper and deeper but felt nothing, his arms reaching around everywhere, hoping to bump into his Daddy. The need for air became too great and he quickly surfaced, filling his lungs with fresh oxygen and looking around to see if maybe his Daddy had come up. The lifejacket was there, bumping against the hull, but other than that, no sign of him.

Paddling his feet in the water and looking around once more, he began to feel how cold the water actually was. He hadn’t noticed before, adrenaline too high and kicking in, but now all his senses were sharp and set out to find his Daddy, knowing that a person couldn’t keep warm in this, especially if they weren’t awake.

Filling his lungs once again, he dove down, determined to find Castiel. He dove deeper and deeper, the pressure of the water giving him a headache and the temperature of it feeling like small needle pricks literally everywhere on his body. He followed the current a little bit, knowing Castiel would’ve floated along with it, and took long strides. The water was so dark, so cold. He knew he’d have to come up for air soon. As he took a last stride forward his left hand bumped into something soft and he immediately grabbed whatever it was tight.

It was a piece of clothing. Specifically, a shirt, he could feel buttons. Castiel’s soft stomach underneath it, he was sure. Dean tried desperately to get a firm hold on his Daddy. The need for oxygen was making him panic, but at the same time that more determined to give his Daddy fresh air too. Putting his left arm under Castiel’s armpits and around his chest, he swam up. He was quicker to the surface than he had realized, the muddy water blocking out any sunlight.

As he came up he took in a gulp of air and then looked at the back of his Daddy’s head, which lolled forward and wasn’t moving. Shit. Daddy’s not breathing.

“Benny!” he yelled. Benny pointed towards the back of the boat and Dean swam over, his Daddy limp in his arms, the dead weight pulling on Dean. Benny was waiting at the rear end of the boat and took Castiel by his arms, pulling him up while Dean pushed Castiel up.

Benny dragged Castiel over the edge and laid him down, starting CPR.

Dean could feel he was regressing but fought it with all his might as he hauled himself out of the water. He needed to know if Daddy was going to be okay. He could fight it off for some time, he was sure of it.

Trying to ignore and avoid all his Little thoughts, knowing he needed to be Big Dean and step up to the plate, he went over to help Benny. It was terrifying seeing Castiel like this, lips blue, body unresponsive, he had just begun taking care of Dean, of helping him and Dean wasn’t ready to let his Daddy go.

Castiel’s jeans were wet, and Dean could see where his left pocket had a bump. Dean’s pacifier was in there. Even though Dean had said he didn’t want it that day, the man had put it in its regular spot anyways in case Dean would’ve changed his mind. Dean blinked to hold back tears, and snapped back to reality when Benny addressed him.

“Lil’ man, I’m going to give him CPR. As soon as he breathes, we roll him over, ya hear? Water needs to get out his body.”

Dean got down on his knees besides Castiel and held his hand, trying his best to ignore how cold it was or that it wasn’t squeezing back.

It felt like a lifetime. Benny didn’t give up, and Dean could have screamed with happiness as Castiel started to cough and gurgle. He quickly helped Benny roll Castiel over and Dean was alarmed at how much water his Daddy vomited.

“Daddy!” he said, but Castiel didn’t respond. He was breathing heavily, eyes still closed, hand still limp in Dean’s. “Daddy please wake up… wake up Daddy!”

Benny slapped Castiel gently on his cheeks and Castiel’s eyes fluttered open.

“Hello Dean,” he whispered. He turned his head and looked at Benny. “Hello Benny.”

Dean laughed through the tears, relieved his Daddy would be okay.

“How you feelin’ brotha?” Benny asked as he checked Castiel over.

“Cold… tired…” Castiel whispered.

Benny wasted no time and got to work. He pulled Castiel into his arms, instructing Dean to take the legs. Together they got Castiel to the lower deck, Castiel hanging limply, blinking slowly and not really knowing what was going on. Before they were completely down however, Castiel had closed his eyes and wasn’t opening them.

They got him on the bed, and Benny turned towards Dean. He grabbed Dean by his shoulders and looked him in the eyes. “Listen here Lil’ man. It’s time to be a Big boy for just a while longer, okay? I need you to help me get your Daddy out of his clothes so we can get him in dry ones. You need to change, too. I have clothes here on board. Then I’m going to put him in bed and you’re going to lie beside him, ‘cause he needs body warmth. I’ll steer the boat back to the docks. If your Daddy is still unwell by that point, we go to the hospital. If he’s conscious and lucid, I’ll make sure you get home safely. This ain’t gonna be your responsibility alone, you hear? I’ll stay until your Daddy is well again, I promise, Lil’ man. I’ll take care of you too, if you regress.”

“’s My fault… I shouldn’t have asked Daddy to do this with me I knew he didn’t like the water, I knew he...” Dean sniffled as he helped Benny.

“Shhh shhh Lil’ man. Ain’t nobody’s fault, just an accident, okay? He’ll be fine. Now let’s get him warm.”

Together they got Castiel out of his wet clothes, the blue lips worrying Dean terribly. Once he was out of them, Benny rubbed Castiel down with a towel, something to do with blood flow, but Dean didn’t really listen to Benny. All he knew was that he had to look at his Daddy’s face, and wait for him to wake up.

They got Castiel in a clean, dry pair of underwear and some sweatpants. They helped him get under the covers and once Dean had changed his own diaper (thank the heavens for pull-ups, because he wasn’t ready to let Benny change him when he was still Big) and put on some dry clothes, he crawled in beside his Daddy, getting into Octopus mode which made Benny smile.

“You make sure your Daddy warms up and wakes up, I’ll come down as soon as we’re back. “

Dean hated this. He was reminded of how easily his Daddy could be taken away from him. What if Benny hadn’t gotten to Castiel in time? It scared the crap out of him and made him cling to his Daddy that much tighter.

Feeling how cold Castiel was, only made Dean more determined to warm him up as he wrapped himself around his Daddy. “Daddy please wake up. Pleaseeee.”

After about ten minutes, Castiel started to stir. He opened his eyes slowly, blinking hazily and not really looking Dean in the eyes. The blue lips were gone though, and Dean could feel Castiel had gotten warmer. “Hi Daddy.” Dean whispered.

Castiel turned his head towards the sound and looked from Dean’s lips to his eyes. “Hi Baby boy...”
Dean’s eyes filled with tears, happy to hear his Daddy.

~*~

The rumbling of the boat’s engine was soothing, so soothing in fact, that Dean drifted off to sleep and Castiel just held him, afraid to go back to sleep himself. He didn’t want to fall back into unconsciousness. He turned his head as he heard footsteps coming down the metal stairs, indicating Benny descending them.
Castiel had been awake and lucid for some time now, finally getting warm and understanding what had happened. Dean had told him in bits and pieces but he knew his boy was fighting his regression.

“How you feeling brotha?” Benny asked, sitting down on a chair opposite the bed.

“Well, I’m awake, and warm, but I’m exhausted. It’s like every muscle hurts. I can’t wait to get home. What time is it?” Castiel knew Dean would be a Little once he woke up, fighting it when he was awake was one thing, but when he was asleep his Little mind would just take over. He had expected nothing less after this traumatizing experience, but he didn’t know if he would be up to par to take care of Little Dean whilst being so tired himself.

“Nearly six p.m.” Benny answered as he checked his watch. “We just arrived at the docks. Want me to take you guys home?”

“Can I ask you a favor, Benny?”

“Sure thing man, name it.”

“Could you spend the night? Take care of Dean?” Castiel asked.

Benny nodded, looking at Castiel with understanding.

“He regressed about half an hour ago. Everything hurts. How am I supposed to get him up the stairs? How am I… and he needs his bottle and he…” Castiel choked, realizing he really needed Benny to help him out here.

“Calm down brotha… I’ll help, you know I will. Man, you scared me to death today! Thought we lost ya for a minute there cher.” Benny looked at him and sighed. “Think you can get in my car on your own? I’ll carry the Lil’ man.”

Castiel nodded and kissed Dean on his forehead. With all his strength, he pushed Dean’s shoulders up, allowing Benny to pull him up under his armpits. Benny effortlessly pulled Dean into his arms, guiding Dean’s head onto his shoulder. “Man, this kid weighs nothin’! You been feeding him right Cas?”

Castiel huffed. “Of course, I did. He’s been skinny since I found him. I’ve been feeding him very well, thank you very much.” Dean had put on a bit of weight, but not enough for Castiel’s liking.

Benny laughed softly and hoisted Dean up a bit, putting a hand under his butt and slowly walking up the narrow s tairs. Castiel followed, every limb sore but he focused on putting one foot in front of the other until he reached Be nny’s car.

They were at Castiel’s house in no time, Benny carrying a still sleeping Dean inside. Castiel led the way to the kitchen and sat down, Jax excitedly prancing around at Benny’s feet, hoping to get some attention from the new stranger. Benny patted Jax on the head and then put his hand back on Dean’s back, rubbing it softly.

“Okay... um… he needs his bottle, instructions are on the package. I always add a bit of cinnamon, he loves that. Go up the stairs, second door on the right, that’s his nursery. He has a changing table. Top drawer is diapers, creams and powder, second drawer are onesies and pajamas. He’s exhausted… so give him the bottle, I usually sit on the sofa with him, then put him to bed in a clean diaper and onesie.” Castiel instructed, his voice a croak. He felt a sense of loss at his inability to take care of Dean at this point, but he knew the boy was in very capable hands.

Everything about his body hurt, and all Castiel wanted to do was to stumble to his bed and fall down.
“Jax needs feeding and a fresh bowl of water… Kibble is in the top cabinet above the sink. You can sleep in one of the guestrooms… just open a door until you see an empty bed.”

Castiel yawned and even that hurt.

Benny looked at him. “I got this. You go on ahead now, go to bed.”

“You sure you’re going to be okay? I’m putting a lot of trust in you.”

“I know, just wish the first time taking care of the Lil’ man would’ve been under better circumstances ‘s all... but hey, this ain’t my first rodeo, you know that…” If he needed help, he could find Cas, too.

Benny’s eyes seemed unfocused for a bit, and Castiel knew Benny was thinking about his little sister.

“Your sister... is she...?”

“She’s gone. Nothing Little related though, don’t you worry. Car accident.” Benny mumbled.

“I’m sorry.”

Benny looked at him with sad eyes. “Go to bed brotha. I’ll take care of the Lil’ man.”

Castiel willed his body to stand up and had to adjust a bit after getting dizzy. He slowly walked upstairs and flopped down onto his bed, still dressed, but totally exhausted. Sleep took him instantly, worries gone because he knew Benny would take care of his boy.

~*~

Merde. What did he say first? A bottle with cinnamon? And the dog needs feeding…

Benny was still holding Dean and looked around the massive kitchen. Now where would Dean’s formula and bottles be? After opening various cabinets looking, he decided to lay Dean down on the playmat he saw and then further investigate the kitchen.
Cabinet thirteen proved not to be unlucky and he pulled out an adult sized bottle and some formula. A tin with cinnamon stood next to the bottles and Benny was glad he wouldn’t have had to search for that, too.

After feeding Jax he got to work.

Warming up the milk and formula according to the directions, then adding a scoop of cinnamon, he shook the bottle with his fingers pinched over the nipple, then headed towards Dean who was playing with a truck on his playmat. Picking him up was easy, the boy weighed less than he had originally thought, which also worried him a bit. However, Castiel had said that Dean had been eating well and he was about to test that theory.

Sitting down on the sofa with Dean in his lap, he put the nipple in the boy’s mouth and Dean suckled enthusiastically, whilst looking at Benny with tired eyes. The baby boy must have recognized Benny from his previous encounters with him, because he didn’t seem scared or frightened at all. Benny was glad for that, because although he had experience with Little’s, crying ones weren’t his forte.

The bottle was emptied quickly, and Benny remembered to burp him. Gathering Dean in his arms, the boy snuggled in and squirmed a bit until he had apparently found a comfortable position. Benny chuckled and walked up the stairs after locking the front door and turning down the lights.

The nursery was beautiful and he knew Dean was a very lucky boy. Not many Littles had this kind of luxury. He knew Dean hadn’t always been this lucky. He laid Dean down on the changing table and got out the supplies. It had been many years since he had changed a diaper, and this was a first for a male Little. Not that he didn’t have experience with a penis, he had one, after all. However, this was new territory. What if Dean decided he needed to pee just as he got the diaper off?

Benny had seen that happen once, a baby boy peeing after feeling freedom and although he had laughed at the poor momma who had been struck by it, he didn’t really want to be on the receiving end. “Promise me you won’t pee on me Lil’ man!” Benny said softly as he got Dean out of his clothes.

Little Dean wasn’t really paying attention, just looking around at the room and putting two fingers in his mouth, gumming a bit as Benny undressed him.

Benny could feel the diaper was full, and as he ripped the sides of the pull-up open, he pulled his head away a bit, looking at Dean’s groin with apprehension. Luckily, Dean had peed the diaper full and wasn’t going to go again anytime soon. He hoped.

Benny quickly wiped him off as best he could, and put a new, normal diaper under Dean’s butt. Remembering the powder, he put some on there too and then closed the diaper, thanking the heavens that Dean decided to be a good boy and not fight him.

Getting Dean in a onesie and pajama was fairly easy, the garments made for Little adults, and he scooped the boy up in his arms. Time for bed! He put Dean down in the crib and wanted to pull up the side when Dean loosely smacked him on the arm.

“Rawr rawr!” he said.

“What now?” Benny asked.

“Rawr rawr!” Dean said again, one arm waving at the changing table.

Above the changing table was a bookshelf, and Benny walked over. A book about Dinosaurs stuck out, and as he grabbed it he could hear Dean squeal.

He wants me to read this to him doesn’t he… Benny thought to himself. Man, he hated reading. But okay, anything for the Lil’ man.

Benny sighed, and did his best as he read to Dean about apparently some very grumpy dinosaurs, who could rhyme a fair deal.

Dean was asleep after two chapters and Benny grew tired himself.

He stroked Dean’s hair and then pulled up the side of the crib. He put the book back and softly closed the door, hoping he’d done everything right.

Benny walked downstairs, quietly made himself a sandwich in the dark kitchen (a man his size cannot simply skip a meal) and after finishing that, he went in search of a bedroom. One was quickly found and he was in bed within minutes.

He slept lightly, wanting to be there for Dean if he would wake up, knowing Castiel would probably sleep through the night.

~*~

Castiel woke at around seven a.m., after a knock on his door. “Yes?” he asked.

“Benny here. Got a Lil’ man in my arms. He wants his Daddy.”

Castiel smiled even though his body was still sore. “Come on in.”

Benny opened the door and Castiel looked at Dean, who still rocked a bedhead and had a thumb in his mouth. His son was adorable.
He was in his Cars onesie and looked very cute. Castiel practically melted at the sight.

“Daddy!” he lisped through the thumb in his mouth. He squirmed in Benny’s hold, and the man brought him over to the bed, putting the boy into Castiel’s arms. Dean snuggled into him and Castiel snuggled right back, happy that everything was okay again.

“Thank you so much, Benny. Can I make you breakfast in return?”

“No worries Cas. I’ll make myself a sandwich and then be on my way. I have to be out on the lake by eight. But, if you ever need a babysitter for Lil’ man here… you know where to find me.”

Castiel smiled and thanked Benny. He was wondering how he was so lucky to find someone who knew how to handle a Little. He was very happy not every other person was like Sam.
Thinking about that made everything come back to him, remembering that he wanted to talk to Dean about getting him professional help, someone to talk to with an objective point of view, getting him to work through him being assaulted and how Sam had reacted to his regressions. Castiel was good at procrastination though, and would look into professional help for Dean later this week. He wanted to get better first, and Dean needed to be Big for the conversation anyway.

Castiel pulled the boy in as tight as he could, putting his nose in the crook of Dean’s neck, surrounding himself with the scent of Dean, his son. He was going to be the best father he could be. “Waffles?” he asked the boy, knowing Dean would approve.
The boy did, very much so. “Affels!!”

Chapter Text

Getting his baby boy down the stairs proved to be a challenge. Castiel was sore all over, aching in places he hadn’t realized he could hurt. He had looked at himself in the mirror, and his back was bruised quite badly. Benny had left already, which was no surprise since Castiel and Dean had been cuddling for a while before going downstairs. He had gotten Dean dressed for the morning in a blue and white stripped footed onesie, with denim knee and elbow patches so he wouldn’t be cold in the cool October air, especially after diving into the water the day before. He also put his boy in a fresh diaper, so there was no reason to go back upstairs.

Gently, he put Dean down on his play mat, a yawn already escaping his own mouth. Castiel planned on staying inside all day, probably cuddling up with Dean on the sofa, letting the television do the work today. Next to his sore body, he could feel he was getting sick, which made him a bit grumpy. It was probably because of the dirty water he had swallowed. How was he going to take care of his son if he was sick?

Benny had left his telephone number on a post-it on the fridge, so he could call him if he wanted. Castiel decided to wait with that, knowing Benny was busy today. Maybe he could help Castiel this evening.

If he was being totally honest, he was kind of hoping that Dean might become Big again sometime soon; then Castiel wouldn’t have to worry as much. Of course, he’d worry, he always did, but Big Dean could take care of himself too, if Castiel was really going to get as sick as he thought he might. He had a feeling this sickness might involve a fever and vomiting. Great.

After giving Dean his breakfast in his high chair, which was covered in porridge by the baby boy himself, he cleaned him up as best he could. He silently thanked the creator of the bib before settling down on the sofa, Dean in his lap. Castiel caressed Dean’s hair as he put on the baby channel, the boy transfixed with what was happening on the screen and Castiel nodding off a few moments later.

Castiel woke up when Dean was squirming in his hold, only to find a more comfortable position and snuggling up against him once more. Dean let out a satisfied little sigh and smacked his lips, then slowly ushered his thumb towards his mouth while the other hand was playing with Castiel’s shirt.

Castiel looked down at his baby boy and smiled, then softly kissed Dean on top of his head. He loved moments like this. Putting his arms around his boy, he scooted himself downwards a bit, making full use of the sofa. It wasn’t even a minute before he was asleep again.

The next time he woke up, he was cold. He was so, so cold. However, he was still in the living room and his boy was on his lap, but Dean didn’t seem cold. Dean seemed fine. The heat still worked, the thermostat indicating that the room was at the right temperature.

Castiel shivered, and Dean turned around in his hold. “Daddy?” he asked.

Castiel wasn’t sure if this was Big or Little Dean. “Daddy’s cold.”

Dean’s facial expression went from concern to understanding. Dean put a hand on Castiel’s forehead. “You’ve got a fever, Daddy.”

Ah, Big Dean had come back. Castiel was secretly a bit relieved. He’d known he wouldn’t be able to take care of Dean properly if he was sick. If Dean was Big, they could manage a bit better.

“Let’s get you to bed.” Dean said, his tone indicating that he didn’t want a discussion over this. Apparently, Dean knew Castiel well, knowing the older man didn’t like to show weakness of any kind.

Castiel sighed but complied, not liking the fact that the roles were reversed now. He was supposed to be the caretaker, not Dean. He stumbled up the stairs, his eyes drooping. Dean held a hand to the small of his back, guiding him to his bedroom. Castiel swayed a little, prompting Dean to put an arm around his shoulder, keeping him steady. Setting his Daddy on the bed, he pulled out some sweatpants and a t-shirt for him so he wasn’t going to be sleeping in his jeans.

~*~

Dean was about to help Cas out of his sweater, when the older man pulled his arm back. It appeared Daddy was grumpy when he was sick. “I’ll do it myself... perfectly able...adult…” he muttered.

Dean stood up, folding his arms and waiting for his Daddy to give in. Cas was in no position to get himself in some clean clothes, he had been sweating in the ones he had on now.

The older man was doing fine with replacing the sweater for a t-shirt, but when he stood up to take off his jeans, he swayed dangerously and Dean caught him at the last minute, when the man had fallen forward into his hold. His Daddy was leaning heavily against his chest, and if Dean didn’t know any better he’d say that his Daddy had fallen asleep already. Dean slowly pushed Castiel backwards towards the bed and made sure he landed softly. The dizziness that came with standing up to quick had indeed made Castiel drowsy and he was blinking slowly.

Getting his Daddy out of his jeans and putting some sweatpants on him reminded him of yesterday, when he did that with Benny at this side. Feeling his eyes sting, he blinked hard a few times, forcing the tears to go away. He focused on Castiel only; making sure his Daddy was as comfortable as he could be.
When he got the covers from underneath him and had basically cocooned his Daddy into the blankets, he went downstairs to get painkillers and water.

He woke Castiel, making sure he swallowed the medication and drank a whole glass of water. He didn’t know if the water was going to come out the same way it came in, but he knew he had to keep his Daddy hydrated, even if just a little bit stayed in. Castiel grunted and complained, not acting like his happy Daddy at all. “Stupid pills, stupid fever…gotta …work. Take care of my boy. Take care of Jax…” After that he said; “Do you ever tire of urinating ? …I’ll never get used to it.”

Dean didn’t quite know what to make of that, so he just stroked Castiel’s matted hair, telling him to try and sleep. Castiel grunted once more before puffing out a long breath. Soft snores began and Dean chuckled.

After taking care of his Daddy, he switched the baby monitors, so Dean could keep an ear on his Daddy while he was downstairs. Chores needed to be done and his Daddy needed sleep.

In the kitchen, he filled up the dishwasher, fed Jax, and cleaned up his Little toys in the living room. Chores had to be done no matter who did them and he was perfectly capable.

He watched television for a while, before returning to his patient. Said patient was still in the bed, but moaning and sweating profusely, looking like he was having a nightmare. Dean walked over quickly, sitting down beside him. When he put the back of his hand on his Daddy’s cheek, he could feel the heat. The fever had gone up. His Daddy was burning up, but cold at the same time. Dean wondered if he should give him a lukewarm bath. It’s what he used to do for Sammy and it always seemed to work.

His Daddy was mumbling now, but Dean couldn’t quite make out what was being said. He only caught some words, but overall it probably wasn’t a very happy dream. “Sin… father… no not the water… Sorry…” Dean sighed and then carded his hand through his hair, looking at his Daddy.

He decided to take his temperature, and was not surprised to see it at 100.9. Shit. He put the ear-thermometer away quickly, deciding to try and wake his Daddy to get more fluids into him.

Dean gently shook his Daddy’s shoulder, but the man didn’t wake. He shook a bit harder, and Castiel blinked, watching straight ahead, eyes drooping and unfocused. Dean got into his line of vision as he crouched down, face to face with Castiel. “You need to drink, Daddy.”

Castiel just blinked slowly and gave no sign of recognition, which prompted Dean to take action. He pulled his Daddy up by his arms, getting him into a somewhat sitting position. It was more like he was slumped against Dean’s side, but it would do. Taking the glass of water, he put the straw in Castiel’s mouth, but the man didn’t start to suck. Dean pushed it inside a bit further.

“Drink, Daddy.” Nothing happened. “Drink, Castiel.” He tried. Ah, that worked. Slowly Castiel took a few sips, eyes still unfocused.

After Dean felt his Daddy had drank enough, he gently laid him down again, wiping down his warm face with a cool washcloth. Going into the bathroom, he put the plug in the tub and opened the tap. While he would get himself in a clean diaper, the bath would fill and he could help his Daddy.

Going into his nursery, Dean took a clean diaper and some powder and changed himself. It was challenging, but it was getting easier with practice. After that he changed into his Big clothes, and went to check on his Daddy.

Daddy hadn’t moved an inch, but was sweating profusely.

“Come on Daddy, let’s get you cooled, huh?” he asked the man as he hauled him up.

The older man was heavy and uncooperative, but Dean managed to get him into the bathroom. As Castiel was leaning against the doorframe, Dean pulled down his Daddy’s pants and boxers and sat him on the toilet.

“Do your thing Daddy,” he said, averting his eyes. He knew that being this sick probably came with diarrhea and such. He’d rather have his Daddy empty his bowels here then later on the bed.

Daddy wasn’t lucid, at all, and Dean had to hold him up by his shoulders. He heard the sounds and he smelled the stuff too, but knew he wasn’t ever going to mention it to his Daddy. After all, his Daddy had cleaned him of many poopy diapers, so Dean really wasn’t in a position to complain. Even if Castiel had volunteered at being his Daddy.

Wiping his Daddy’s bum also wasn’t something he’d ever mention to anyone. At all. Having wet baby wipes to help him with the task was a bonus though. After chucking the baby wipes in the bin, he flushed the toilet and let Castiel stay seated, helping him out of the t-shirt so he would be unclothed for the bath.

Dean gently guided Castiel towards the tub, grunting when he had all of Castiel’s body weight in his arms as he helped the man get in feet first. His Daddy was a very heavy man. Or Dean just wasn’t strong enough. Dean figured the latter. When he had finally gotten his Daddy all the way in, he took a washcloth and began washing him. Dean made sure to make everything as clean as possible and after shampooing Castiel’s hair, he even conditioned it. He knew Castiel had something to keep his hair that soft and puffy. Dean grinned and let the conditioner do its magic while he poured some more water over his Daddy’s shoulders and face.

Castiel seemed to be waking up a bit, or at least getting more aware of his surroundings. “Dean?” he asked as he looked at the boy with a neutral expression.

“Hi Daddy. You’re sick.” Dean stated.

Castiel blinked. “I know. I’m not… stupid.”

Dean grinned, then put his hand to the back of Castiel’s neck. “I know Daddy. You’re very smart. Now put your head back a bit so I can rinse your hair.” Castiel complied, but muttered something about being babied, which made Dean smile even more. If anyone was being babied in this house… well… Cas wasn’t the one that slept in a crib in the nursery.

Getting Daddy out of the bathtub was easier than the process of getting him in, mainly because Daddy was awake a bit more and able to help by lifting his legs or arms while the younger man dried him and put him in some clean clothes.

Of course, Castiel still moped and complained, his physical state very obviously corresponding with his mental one, although he didn’t really take it out on Dean. It was at himself, mostly, and most of the comments made Dean giggle or chuckle. Castiel said them with such a serious expression, and probably meant them seriously too, which made it extra adorable in Dean’s eyes.

“Did I have diarrhea? You put me on the toilet didn’t you… probably sprayed everything brown. I do not like the color brown.

“Why is it, that fevers are always accompanied with an overload of human excrement... We are not elephants… A man shouldn’t have that much waste. Sewers in this area probably… not equipped to handle that…

“I am a grown man… should be able to take care of my child. But oh nooooo. I had to get sick. I knew the television wouldn’t substitute me. I should sue the cable company…

“I’ve never sued someone. That’s scary. That would be a conflict…

“I don’t like conflict.” Was the last thing he said before he slept like a baby. Dean chuckled at the comparison.

~*~

Dean went downstairs after cleaning up the bathroom and setting some fresh water out for his Daddy. He wanted to call Benny, to make sure he had someone ready for them in case he would regress while his Daddy was still sick. He found the number on a post-it note earlier and grabbing his phone, he turned it on.

There were a few e-mails and one text message from Sam. Dean sighed and sat down at the kitchen table. He figured it was best to get this out of the way as quickly as possible. The text from Sam simply said Dean should check his e-mail. Well, okay then.

His e-mail inbox had 4 unread messages, one from Sam and three spam-messages.

He had no interest in buying a hair-growth supplement, thank you very much. In fact, he had even thought about shaving or waxing, down there, to make things easier for his Daddy. Clean up could take a while sometimes.

Dean decided to put that off, the idea of having a razor or hot wax against such a sensitive area giving him the chills a bit. He’d only poo in his diaper when he was a Little anyways. When he was Big, he used a toilet for that like every other adult. Still, he felt a bit guilty for having his Daddy clean that up, especially after having cleaned his Daddy’s bum this afternoon. That can’t be good if it’s smeared everywhere.

The e-mail from Sam was sent a few days ago. Dean tapped on it.

Hey Dean,

So I know I was a jerk and I want to apologize. I’ve been looking up your condition and now I kind of realize that Castiel wasn’t enabling you. I don’t know if Castiel told you, but that’s what I told him. I told him he was enabling you to act this way and I shouldn’t have.

I know now that it comes from too much stress and responsibility when you were too young. I guess you never really got to be a kid, I mean you were always the one taking care of me. I didn’t really think about it much growing up, it was just how things were, but it wasn’t right that you had to do that. I am grateful you did, though. I’ve been a brat, I know that now and I want to change that.

Anyways I know you probably don’t want to talk to me and I completely understand. I still have my life here at Stanford and I am happy here, but I want you to be happy too. So, I guess what I’m asking for is maybe we could stay in touch a bit more?

I know I was a total ass the last time we met and I said that seeing you as a baby was weird and stuff. It was, but only because I wasn’t expecting it. You’ve always been my tough-as-nails big brother and seeing you like that was a shock, but I know that hurt you very much because you regressed instantly. I’m going to work on being okay with it, because you’re still you and this is your life now. I don’t want to hurt you.

I think I kind of get it now? I’m trying to understand it. You said it started after you left Dad and had come to see me. What triggered it? Why did you leave Dad in the first place? What did he do, Dean?

A lot of questions, I know, and I know I’ve said ‘I know’ like a million times already, the truth is I’m writing this as I go. I’m sorry I was a bitch. Just know that I would like to keep in touch. I won’t visit you again if you don’t want me to. Just let me know you’re okay, okay?

- Sam

Dean put his telephone down and rubbed his face. He was glad Sam reached out to him, but his behavior last time had been unacceptable and Dean wasn’t ready. Putting the e-mail in his special ‘Sammy’ folder he had in his inbox so he could reply when he was ready, he got up and put Benny’s phone number in his contact list.

He called Benny, explaining the situation. They made an agreement that if Dean would regress, he’d call. Even if he could only make the phone ring once, Benny would understand. Dean put the phone in his pocket so he could have it on him at all times, but knew he was probably not going to regress again today. Even though the regressions were not something he could predict, regressing within a couple of hours from each other was a rarity.

Dean heated up some leftover fried rice for dinner, then he went outside to get some air before letting Jax back inside. The dog had probably been sleeping on the porch all day, but hey, he was an old dog. It’s what old dogs did, right? He fed Jax and put his dishes in the dishwasher once he finished. When that was done, he took some fruit and Gatorade with him to Daddy’s room, trying to see if Daddy would eat. The baby monitor had been quiet, so he figured his Daddy was still asleep.

He was right. Daddy was asleep, but not deeply. As the matrass dipped when Dean sat down on it, Castiel’s eyes fluttered open and looked at Dean. “Hungry Daddy?” Dean asked, holding up some grapes.

Daddy looked at the grapes with disgust. “If I eat, I puke,” he stated.

Dean was willing to test that theory, because it was important that the older man would eat, or at least get some fluids in. “Just try one,” Dean said, and popped a grape in Castiel’s mouth.

Castiel didn’t look happy, but he chewed and swallowed and even allowed Dean to put five more in. After that he petulantly kept his mouth closed, glaring at Dean like he had done him some terrible injustice.

Picking up the glass of water with the straw, Dean put the straw Daddy’s mouth and Castiel drank the entire glass. Satisfied with that, Dean was feeling tired. He didn’t want to let Castiel out of his sight and opted to spend the night in Daddy’s bed.

It was purely because he could be there for him if he was sick or needed help to go to the toilet. That’s what he told himself. It wasn’t because he couldn’t sleep well when he was Big and alone, or because he hadn’t cuddled since this afternoon. It also certainly wasn’t because he was still a bit shaken up from yesterday, when he was so close to losing his Daddy. Nu-uh. Dean was, once again, just a Tough Guy™ and was just helping his Daddy get better. At least, that’s what he told himself when he crawled into the bed. He was clad in a fresh night-time diaper and a clean footed gray onesie with dinosaur feet and a dinosaur just above his bottom (this was his favorite onesie) and snuggled into Castiel’s side. He hoped Daddy was getting a bit better. The man mumbled a bit before turning to his side and putting a hand on Dean’s back. Dean whispered a ‘goodnight Daddy’ and Daddy was getting ready to say something back…

…Or at least, he would have been if he hadn’t decided to puke out his grapes all over the pillow. It was going to be a long night. Dean sighed and started cleaning it up.

Chapter Text

Puke. Puke everywhere. You couldn’t even call it that anymore, to be honest. It was bile. There was nothing left for Castiel to get out of his system, but his body tried. Castiel was heaving, hanging with his head out of the bed above the plastic bucket Dean had placed there.

Dean was rubbing his back and pressing a cold washcloth to the back of his neck.

It had been two hours since the grape-incident and it seemed Castiel’s body was finally calming down. The time between vomiting grew longer and longer with each bout and Dean couldn’t wait to clean that bucket for the last time. His onesie had stains on it and he felt disgusting, having worked up a sweat, but things were starting to get a bit better.

“You feeling a bit better Daddy?” Dean asked as he took the bucket away, hopefully for the last time.

Castiel rolled on his back and looked at Dean with half-lidded eyes. “I am never eating grapes again, young man.”

Daddy had been more lucid than earlier in the evening and had even managed to make some snarky replies here and there between his times spent hanging over the bucket.

Dean chuckled at Castiel’s latest comment and rinsed out the bucket, putting it under the sink. He had high hopes for not having to use it again tonight. “Think you can manage a quick shower?” he called out. When he walked out the bathroom he saw Castiel stumble towards him and Dean walked with him to the bathroom.

Castiel undressed himself while Dean made sure he stayed upright. While Castiel was in the shower, he put their clothes in the washer, adding the linens from the bed as well. He was finally cooling down a bit wearing nothing but his diaper. He re-made the bed with fresh linens and when he was finished he heard the shower turn off.

Waiting outside the door of the bathroom he asked his Daddy if he would be okay drying himself, to which Castiel grumbled a reply. “I haven’t fallen over, if that’s what you mean. I’ll call if I need you, baby boy. Thank you.”

Dean quickly trotted to the nursery to grab a clean onesie since he didn’t need a diaper change. He found the one with the puppies on them, which featured a big dog in the center of his tummy, with a quote that said “Let’s bark, baby.” Dean loved the feel of the soft cotton and he bunched up the onesie, mushing his face in it and inhaling the scent of the laundry detergent Castiel used especially for his Little clothes.

The soft clothes, the cinnamon in the formula, the times spent on the porch swing, the way his Daddy always had a pacifier on him to stop him from sucking his fingers and thumb. Whenever Castiel was reading to Dean, he’d caress Dean’s hair, which usually made him fall asleep within minutes. If Dean was being changed and for some reason felt uncomfortable, Castiel always knew exactly what to do to distract Dean. All these little things Castiel did for Dean were adding up to the perfect Daddy.

Dean thought about all of this as he put on his onesie and smiled to himself. He was a very lucky boy.

He walked over towards his crib and took his dinosaur, then walked back to Castiel’s room. Softly, he opened the door, to see Castiel in bed already.

“Thanks for the clean sheets Deanie,” he said, and scooted backwards. He opened the covers so Dean could crawl in, and the boy did exactly that.

“You feeling better Daddy?”

“Yes, very much so baby boy. I think I might finally have it all out of my system. I just drank some water and thus far it has stayed in…” Castiel said quietly.

Dean stuck his thumb in his mouth and talked around it. “Thwat’s good Dwaddy. Can we sweep now?”

Castiel grinned and cupped one side of Dean’s face. “I’m making an exception for the thumb tonight. But yes, let’s sleep.”

Dean turned around and turned off the nightlight. Both father and son were asleep in minutes.

~*~

Dean woke up a bit earlier than expected because his diaper was wet. He slowly opened his eyes and looked to where his Daddy was still sleeping. Daddy was looking much better. After a big yawn, Dean decided that if he was awake, Daddy should be too. He nudged Castiel in his ribs. “Daddy…” he whispered.

Castiel was oblivious and softly snored on.

Dean nudged a bit harder and giggled when Daddy grumbled a ‘stop it Dean’.

“Nope!” he exclaimed, and went in full alarm-clock mode. Throwing one leg and one arm over his Daddy’s form, he bounced up and Down with his bum on Castiel’s stomach.

That woke him up.

“Up up up Daddy!” Dean shrieked, as Castiel coughed from the sudden attack on his abdomen.

Dean put his hands on Castiel’s shoulders and his Daddy looked up at him, squinting his eyes. Daddy was always a bit grumpy in the morning and Big Little Dean loved teasing him. “Don’t look mad Daddy! We’ve got stuff to do! Make breakfast! Play with Jax!” he said with a squeal.

Castiel’s eyes softened and he pulled his boy in close. “You’re lucky I’m feeling so much better. Let’s go downstairs.”

Dean put on a big smile and pulled out of Castiel’s hold. “I need a new diaper Daddy!” he said as he walked out of the room.

“Yes Sir!” Daddy said, and Dean turned around.

“Sorry. Daddy could you help me into a clean diaper?”

Castiel ruffled Dean’s hair as he walked by. “Yes Sir,” he said once again. Dean grinned and followed his Daddy to the nursery.

Daddy had just pulled off the tabs of his diaper when he started talking to Dean. “You know we’re going to see Bobby tomorrow, right?” he asked.

Dean nodded.

“He’s a sweet old man, don’t you worry,” Castiel said. “Things are going to be fine tomorrow.”

Truth be told, Dean didn’t really want to think about that just yet. He was a bit scared of how it was going to go. Daddy had said to him that Bobby was a kind man, and that if they explained to him what Dean was suffering from, he’d understand why Dean wouldn’t be able to come in on certain days. Castiel had told Dean they could not withhold any information from Bobby, simply because the chance existed that Dean would regress at work. Bobby would have to know what to do in that case.

Dean felt anxious about the other boys Bobby had working there. If Dean got the job, would he get along with them? Would they have to know about his regression too ? They probably would, and Dean didn’t know if he wanted so many people to know his personal issues. Then there was the case that if they knew, how would they treat Dean when he was Big? Would they tease him because of this? Would they be mean?

He could hold his own as a Big quite well in his opinion. He was never afraid of arguments or telling someone to back off, but he wouldn’t pretend that mean words didn’t hurt him. If anything, since he had been regressing so much, his emotional state has been all over the place. He wouldn’t cry in front of another adult (the exception of course being Daddy and Benny) but he’d cry when he was alone.

Dean had told himself that he never wanted to be alone again. Castiel was it for him, Castiel was his Daddy whether he was Big or Little. The idea of a romantic relationship with anyone didn’t hold any appeal. He had tried to have a few one-night stands after he began regressing, but it was difficult to maintain an erection and he had soon given up on sex of any sort. He didn’t miss it either, which he supposed was odd since he was only 24, but he was also okay with that. He liked women, they were pretty, but that was about where his interest in them ended.

Castiel must’ve noticed Dean had zoned out a bit because all of a sudden, he was being picked up. Apparently, Daddy had gotten him into a clean diaper and fresh clothes without him noticing. Huh, he really had zoned out. Daddy didn’t often pick Dean up when he was in his Big headspace, only when he knew Dean was uncomfortable in one way or another.

Daddy groaned a bit and Dean knew it was because the older man still had a sore back from the boat accident.

“You can put me down if you want to Daddy…” he whispered into Castiel’s ear, but Daddy’s hold just tightened instead.

“Don’t worry about Daddy. Something’s on your mind and you’re sad. We’re going downstairs and sit on the swing for a bit until you tell me what’s on your mind. After that, breakfast.” He stated, leaving no space for discussion.

Dean sighed and knew his Daddy was right, so he just let his head rest on his Daddy’s shoulder as they went down the stairs.

As Castiel opened the back door, Jax shot past them towards the yard, immediately grabbing one of his toys and going wild, then stopped to pee right after. Castiel sat down with Dean straddling him, the boys ’ limbs around him like his Big Little Octopus always did. Dean liked being an octopus.

Castiel rocked the porch swing back and forth and Dean said nothing, hoping that he could postpone the imminent conversation by at least a few minutes. No such luck. “What’s on your mind baby boy? Don’t you want to go see Bobby?”

Dean sat back a bit so he and Daddy were face to face, but he looked down, knowing that when he saw his Daddy’s blue eyes he’d blurt out every question and concern within seconds and that was something he shouldn’t do. This was because he knew Daddy would address the fact that Dean should’ve voiced those concerns earlier, instead of thinking about them all the time and making them bigger in his head than they actually were.

His attempt not to do so was futile in the end, when Daddy put a finger under Dean’s chin and pulled up, forcing Dean to look at him.

Dean’s eyes locked onto the blue ones and he deflated. “What if the boys I work with are mean to me? What if I regress in front of a customer? Wouldn’t an old person like Bobby think I’m some sort of freak?” he blurted out, eyes on the verge of watering.

“Wow wow wow young man… just breathe,” Castiel said softly. “One thing at a time. You’re worried they’ll be mean to you?”

Dean sniffed. “Yes… they’re going to think I’ll just do it for the attention or something...”
His lips trembled.

“And what’s this about old people automatically assuming you’re a freak?” Daddy asked, the tone of his voice indicating that that was a ridiculous notion. Which, Dean thought, was probably true. Although even young people had thought that too. But Dean didn’t want to think about Sam right now.

Castiel wiped away a tear on Dean’s cheek that Dean hadn’t even noticed was there, and took Dean’s silence to keep talking himself. He cupped Dean’s face and looked him straight in the eyes when he started talking.

“Just because he’s a bit older than us, doesn’t mean he isn’t accepting or open minded. Bobby has taken in all kinds of people, and would never judge people. He forms his opinions based on character display and social interactions with others.

“ You, my boy, are a very sweet, kind, outgoing child. I will tell Bobby that even though you’re in an adult body, your mind sometimes disagrees. He will understand, and if he doesn’t… well, then he isn’t the man I thought he was. He’s a bit gruff on the outside, but he has a kind heart and has also helped me through some difficult times. And if you ever regress in front of a customer, well, you know you always have a few minutes before it’s fully there. Just walk towards Bobby’s office. If he agrees to take you on, I’ll ask him to put some Little stuff there, just until I can pick you up.

“Right now, I don’t want you to think about this too much. Tomorrow is just a visit to see the shop and meet Bobby. There is absolutely no pressure, Dean. I know you’re scared you’re going to have to be there Monday through Friday, but we both know your regressions still come irregularly and that even though it has been getting better, you still can’t control it sometimes. Even when you can control your regressions, you won’t be there more than two or three days per week. That would be too much for you to handle. If Bobby says yes, we’ll start out slow and we’ll both keep an extra eye on you to see how you are. But you have to promise me something, Dean…”

Dean was still looking in his Daddy’s eyes, as he did throughout Castiel’s entire speech, and nodded.

“Promise me you’ll talk to me. Actually talk. Don’t bottle this up. Every small question, every concern, say it. Immediately. How am I supposed to help my son be happy if he won’t let me?”

“I don’t know,” Dean whispered.

“Well, I do,” Castiel stated. “Talking. I know you’ve gotten better at that, and I love you for it, but don’t keep things from me just because you’re afraid I would worry too much. You not talking to me is what makes me worried instead. If you’re open and honest, we wouldn’t be having these conversations. Okay, baby boy?”

Dean wiped away another tear with the back of his hand and sniffed once more. Daddy’s hand came to the back of his head and Daddy pulled Dean towards him.

“Now let’s rock, baby boy.”

The two sat there for a while longer, Dean slumped against Daddy like he was the only thing keeping him healthy and happy. Which, to be honest, was probably the case. He’d never met such a genuine person before and the fact that this man was his Daddy was making Dean all fuzzy inside.

~*~

Castiel had just put the plates in the dishwasher and turned around to see Dean stumbling towards him. The conversation they had this morning had given Dean some stuff to think about and he wouldn’t be surprised if Dean regressed today, his brain needing the time to absorb all thoughts and emotions. The older man opened his arms to let the boy in, and Dean snuggled up closely.

“Think I’m regress… re… Daddy... everything’s hazy and stuff’s difficult…”

“What stuff?” Castiel asks, curious to know how Dean felt in those few minutes before turning completely.

“Couldn’t figure out the remote of the tele… tele... telly thingy…” he mumbled.

“Television?”

“I said tha’…” Dean grunted, and he started sagging against Castiel, a sign that his legs were giving out and that he was truly starting to regress.

Castiel picked him up and walked towards the table, setting Dean down and standing between his legs, the boy leaning towards him. Carding his fingers through the boys ’ hair, he made a mental note to get his boy to the hairdresser soon. It was getting too long for his taste.

Dean had put his thumb in his mouth, yet again, and Castiel reached in his left pocket for the little box that contained an adult-sized pacifier. Opening the box, he pulled out Dean’s thumb and slid the pacifier in place. The boy started suckling and Castiel cupped Dean’s face. “Dean?” he asked.

Dean’s eyes were glazed over a bit and he smiled, a little bit of drool coming out behind the pacifier.

His boy was fully regressed now. Castiel hugged him tightly, then got a cloth and wiped the drool from his baby boy’s face. Picking Dean up again, ignoring the pain in his back, he walked towards the nursery and laid him down on the changing mat. He had smelled Dean’s accident in the kitchen already, even before he was fully regressed, but chose not to mention it to Dean. The boy probably hadn’t even noticed it happened already, his mind too busy with the transfer and seeking comfort.

Sure enough the diaper was filled with the brown stuff and it was smeared over his bottom and back, but luckily not towards the front. It was a relatively small area, and not worth a shower or a bath. Castiel got everything that was required, Dean happily suckling on his pacifier and staring at the mobile they had put on the ceiling for the explicit purpose of distracting Little Dean (and sometimes Big Dean too) during diaper changes.

Castiel got out a bucket of warm water, a couple of washcloths, some gloves and barrier cream. The diaper was put in a plastic bag and then thrown in the diaper bin, and Castiel turned Dean on his side to clean him up. Dean’s backside and bum were cleaned thoroughly, and Castiel pulled out the (now soiled) changing mat from under his boy. After he dried Dean off, he applied the cream and slid a new diaper underneath him.

Rolling his boy back towards his back, he gave Dean a few raspberries on his tummy making Dean giggle, squirm and then pee. Oh boy. Maybe Castiel should’ve put the diaper on completely before making his boy laugh and squirm.

The sight of Dean’s tummy was too cute though and Dean loved the fart noises. The pee had gone over Dean’s bare legs (Castiel had taken the onesie off for this number two change) and on the changing table a bit, but otherwise it wasn’t that big of an accident.

Castiel got some wet wipes and wiped Dean’s legs down and the dresser. After that he cleaned his flaccid penis, then tucked it in the right way before fastening the tabs. He decided to blow on his baby boy’s tummy a bit more, and Dean giggled and squealed like he was fighting for his life.

The older man laughed and nuzzled his nose into Dean’s belly button, happy to see that Dean’s eating behavior these last couple of weeks had put some more meat on his bones.

Dean was still skinny and gangly, but not as bad as he was when Castiel had found him.

The days in which Dean was regressed he didn’t do much physical activity, since his legs weren’t working. He’d play with Jax or his toys, so his arms got some work, but other than that he was being carried around. Plus, the time spent in infancy ; if that were too happen for too long he’d become even weaker.

There was only so much formula and baby food Castiel could get into Dean’s stomach while he was regressed, solid foods also being smeared on his boy’s face, bib and the table top. Dean liked to play with his food.

Castiel tried to get Dean to eat as much as possible when he was Big, and the boy never objected because he had the appetite of a healthy man in his early twenties, with the metabolism to match.

After getting his boy dressed up once again, Castiel walked downstairs and sat on the sofa, Dean tucked in the crook of his arm, resting against the side with his bum in between Castiel’s legs. Castiel turned on toddler-tv, content on having the TV entertain his boy for a bit while his own mind wandered to tomorrow.

He wasn’t too worried about Dean still being regressed then. If he was, he’d simply call Bobby to rearrange the meeting. If he wasn’t, he’d go there with Dean and they’d look around. Afterwards, they could maybe go into town to see if Dean wanted to get some stuff. Dean had talked about getting some games to play on the computer and Castiel knew just the place. That store also had comic books and he knew Dean was a fan of those, having read the few in Castiel’s little library.

They’d make a day out of it, a father and son day. Castiel smiled at the thought and kissed the top of Dean’s head, the boy himself too immersed in Paw Patrol to even notice.

Chapter Text

Castiel’s alarm woke him up at 7am the following day, and after pressing the snooze button a couple of times, he finally got out of bed. After a mandatory trip to the bathroom he went over to the nursery, to find Little Dean still fast asleep. He didn’t want the two of them sleeping in the same bed to become a regular thing, because then it wouldn’t be as special as when it did occur. Besides, Little Dean never objected to sleeping in his crib, happily surrounded by his stuffed animals. Castiel loved his son but also loved being able to sleep without getting punched in the ribs (by accident of course, it’s just that Dean was a very ‘active’ sleeper). Another thing was that he loved walking into the nursery to see his baby boy wake up. He had a nursery. With a kid. The thought still amazed him.

Castiel walked as quietly as he could and opened the door to the nursery slowly. Padding over to the crib, he smiled at the sight. The boy was sprawled out in his crib like a starfish. The pacifier was hanging from his mouth and his eyelids were fluttering. Castiel wondered what kind of dreams Little Dean would have. Or Big Dean. He didn’t know which one he was going to wake up.

He gently pulled the side of the crib down and bent over, caressing Dean on his cheek with the back of his index finger. The Little one squirmed a bit and then slowly opened his eyes, a yawn accompanying the action, causing the pacifier to fall out. Dean rubbed his eyes with his fists and then smacked his lips together. He blinked slowly once more before setting his sleepy eyes on the face above him. A small smile erupted and as the boy yawned again, he also stretched, then pointed those stretched arms towards his Daddy.

Castiel picked his boy up, who snuggled into him. “Good morning Daddy”.

“Good morning Big Little Man. Sleep well?”

“Hmm hmm,” Dean hummed and hid his face in his Daddy’s neck.

“Ready for a fun day? I thought after we go see Bobby we could do some other things in town. There’s a shop that has comic books and videogames, what do you say? And maybe after that we could both go get a haircut? I think it’s time, don’t you?” Castiel asked as he ruffled Dean’s hair.

Dean giggled and let go of his Daddy’s neck as Castiel laid him down to change. The full diaper was quickly changed, and Castiel talked to Dean as he put him in a neutral green colored onesie. “Let’s go to your Big room, you need your Big clothes today, baby boy.”

Dean nodded and got up, following his Daddy to his Big room. A true Dean outfit was quickly put together, his boy looking all grown up in his jeans, band t-shirt and flannel and some work boots. The diaper was well hidden and if Dean were to bend over, all you could see from the back was a stripe of green from the onesie.

They were supposed to be at Bobby’s around 9am so they ate their breakfast at a normal pace, Dean managing to get in two full stacks of pancakes with extra syrup and berries. The fact that Dean still made a bit of a mess even though he was Big now put a smile on Castiel’s face; some things didn’t change.
The only thing that was different was that Dean could help clean up, and Castiel instructed him to do so, giving Dean a wet kitchen cloth and telling him to clean himself up too. He then took Jax outside for a quick walk in the garden, and set out some food and fresh water for the dog.

Getting back in the house he went past Dean, who was still in the kitchen, and checked if the boy had properly cleaned up. He then kissed him on his temple and then went upstairs, getting out of pajamas himself and changing into something suitable for the day ahead. He packed a bag with not only the ‘normal’ things (wallet, keys, a bottle of water) but also added a pair of diapers, wet wipes, gloves, powder, a pacifier, cream, two bottles with juice and an extra onesie just in case. Castiel still felt like he was forgetting something, and decided that for next time he should probably have a standard list of things to take when he was going away for a while with his boy.

~*~

Castiel walked through the garage doors at Singer Auto, Dean following closely behind. The boy was nervous, he could tell, and he hadn’t expected anything less. There were two men at work, the closer one was tall and gangly, like he never quite filled out after puberty, with a button nose and a grin that went from ear to ear.

“Hiya! I’m Garth! What can I do you for?” he said as he brushed his hands off on his coveralls and walked over towards Dean and Castiel.

“I’m Castiel. We’re here to see Bobby,” Castiel said and stepped sideways, making Dean unable to hide behind him anymore. “This is Dean. Dean, introduce yourself.”

Dean shuffled forwards and hesitantly raised one hand, but Garth took it with both hands and shook it vigorously. “Bobby said we might get a new guy ! Man, that’d be so cool. Just the two of us can get kinda boring, you know? That shy fella over there is Aaron, he don’t talk much. But it’s all cool, nobody judges.”

Dean looked up at Garth, who was still holding Dean’s hand and shaking it. Garth’s enthusiasm was quite endearing, Castiel thought.

“I’m Dean. I uh… I like working with cars.” He said, and Dean’s ears reddened a bit. Castiel knew Dean thought he was stating the obvious, but he was still proud of his boy for at least getting a full sentence out. He hadn’t said much on the way here.

“Dean, I’ll talk to Bobby first, you stay here and take a look around. Garth, I don’t know if you’re very busy at the moment, but could you keep an eye on Dean?”

Dean practically cringed at the last question, indicating that Dean wasn’t capable of taking care of himself, but Garth didn’t think about it at all. “Sure thing Mr. Castiel! Dean I’m working on a Thunderbird, wanna see it ?”

Dean’s eyes lit up and he nodded. Garth took him by one hand and practically dragged him over, not letting go until they were beside the car. Dean looked over his shoulder at his Daddy and Castiel gave him a nod, indicating his boy was doing well.

He went to Bobby’s office and found the man on his phone. “No ma’am. We don’t fix that kinda thing. If your GPS is broken you go to a damn computer store! Or buy a map!” And he promptly hung up.

Castiel snickered and Bobby looked up, just now noticing Castiel.

“Cas! How’ya been boy ?” he asked as he walked over and clapped him on the shoulder. Castiel smiled and replied.

“I’m doing fine Bobby. Just introduced Dean to Garth and Aaron. Garth is eh... nice.”

“He’s a very cheerful fella, I’ll give ya that. Sweet boy he is, and so is Aaron. Now that last one don’t talk much, but he’s got his past and that takes time to process. And Garth, well... Garth is here because he’s just too damn gullible. Not one of the brightest, but he makes up for it by being too nice. Boy’s afraid to say no. People take advantage of that. Can’t have that happen, you know, so I help him. Tell him it’s okay to say no or want something for yourself. Garth lives with me, Aaron’s got a place in town. Anyway, I’m babbling, as old folk do. So, sit down. Coffee?” he asked.

“Yes please,” Castiel replied and he sat down on the weary old sofa in the corner of the office.

“You still have this thing?” he asked as he sat down, and he could swear he saw dust flying up as he patted the arm rest.

Bobby gave him his cup and sat down on a chair facing Castiel. “It’s a couch. Now, tell me about Dean. You’ve said some stuff, but not all.”

Castiel cleared his throat and explained about Dean and his regressions. He also mentioned how Dean needed care and touch when he was Big. That he needed to be absolutely sure that Dean would be okay should he regress when he was at work and that Garth and Aaron wouldn’t judge him. Dean needed to feel safe.

He also told Bobby that, if he were to take Dean on, he’d need a place where he could keep Little stuff. A small room to have some toys and to change a diaper. Where he could stay until Castiel could pick him up. If he should regress, he could go there. Castiel made it clear to Bobby that he would always be able to reach him, that Castiel would never be more than a 30 minute drive from the garage. He trusted Bobby with Dean because of how Bobby had helped him with his father. Bobby nodded in acknowledgement at that. Bobby was told about how he and Dean were nothing more than father-son, despite the minimal age difference.

After explaining all this, he could only wait for Bobby’s answer.

“Now I ain’t the touchy-feely type, but I’ll do my best. I’m thinking Garth can help a lot with that too. I'll need to explain Dean’s situation to both Garth and Aaron, but I’ll do that when you’re gone. I’ll let you know how that goes. I have an empty office space where we could set up some of his stuff. I’d like to meet the kid myself now, you made me curious boy!” He said as he stood up, leaving the empty coffee cups and walking out to the work floor.

Castiel followed, happy when he saw that Dean was talking with Garth. The boys didn’t even look up when the older men arrived, until Bobby cleared his throat.

Dean looked up and stepped forward, holding out a hand for Bobby. The man shook it and looked Dean in the eyes. “Hi Dean, I’m Bobby. Castiel tells me you’re good with cars?”

“Yes Sir, I do maintenance on my own car and I fixed up Daddy’s Lincoln too!” he said happily, then clapped a hand over his mouth knowing he just called Castiel Daddy in front of all of them. The fact that they all saw the pair of them drive up in Castiel’s Lincoln was the only confirmation needed that yes, Dean saw Castiel as his Daddy.

While Dean was shocked at what he had just said out loud, in front of near strangers, no one else was. Bobby didn’t bat an eye and Garth just looked at the Lincoln with awe. She looked beautiful, rims shining and the polish waxed and the rumbling sound she had made when they had pulled up had been sweet on the ears.

Aaron didn’t say a thing and was quietly working on his own project, not really paying attention to the other men.

“Well then, show me your Daddy’s Lincoln and I’ll see for myself.” Bobby said, turning around and walking over to Castiel’s car. Dean’s eyes were wide and Castiel smiled.

“I told you that you could trust Bobby.” He put a hand to the small of Dean’s back and ushered the boy to follow Bobby.

Bobby checked under the hood and whistled, clearly approving the work that had been done. “Where’d you get the new parts?” he asked.

“E-bay,” Dean simply replied.

“I ain’t tech-savvy or anything, I still do everything by phone. Damn computers never agree with me. Think you could help me with that too?” he asked, as he looked at Dean.

Dean smiled and nodded, happy as a bug that this man seemed to approve. Garth was bouncing around, asking all kinds of questions and Dean was happy to answer each one. Castiel wondered if Garth would ever want to come play with Little Dean. Garth seemed the kind of person that wouldn’t care at all about Dean being Big or Little and would happily help Dean build sand castles or race cars with him.

When Castiel said they should go, Garth didn’t hesitate and gave Dean a hug. Dean was startled at first, but quickly wrapped his arms around Garth too. “I hope you come back Dean!” he stated, and then let go.

Dean turned around back towards his Daddy and Bobby, who stood beside him, gave him a squeeze in his shoulder. “I’ll talk to the boys and let you know. But I don’t think there’s gonna be a problem.”

Father and son left, Garth returning to the Thunderbird under Bobby’s supervision and Aaron waving a small goodbye.

Castiel started up the Lincoln and they drove over to a burger place for an early lunch. A day away from home asked for some greasy diner food. Dean agreed wholeheartedly and Castiel was glad to see how his boys’ mood had changed. Dean was excited and he knew he’d fit in at Singer Auto. Castiel knew Garth had a lot to do with that.

After lunch, a diaper change (which Dean did himself) and haircuts, they walked to the game store enjoying the weather. Castiel noticed Dean was getting fidgety, probably from all the tension from this morning and the relief afterwards.
They went into the store, where Castiel led Dean towards the comic book section.

“Afternoon, gentlemen. Star Trek or Star Wars?” a happy red-haired girl behind the counter asked, smiling at them.

“Eh… Star Trek?” Dean replied.

“ If you had to choose. Janeway or Picard?” she prodded.

“Janeway.”

“Cool. Me too. She’s hot. I’d do her. Although Seven of Nine was a fine piece of ass too.”

If Dean had something to drink he’d have probably spit it out right then, Castiel thought to himself, enjoying the boy’s expression.

Dean recovered quickly and looked at the redhead. “ So, you're into robot chicks, huh? That's cool... I’m Dean.”

“Robots and Borg are two very different things. But okay. Hello Dean.”

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Charlie! But you can call me Queen.”

Dean chuckled. “Queen, huh?”

“Yep. Now, if you need anything, let me know,” she said going back to working on something behind the counter.

Dean turned around and started skimming through some of the comics. After a while Castiel could tell he wasn’t all there anymore. His eyes weren’t focusing on the pages and his hands were shaking. Castiel knew Dean was fighting his regression badly, probably because they were still in town where everybody could see. He felt stupid for not recognizing the signs earlier and letting Dean down.

Castiel put a hand on Dean’s back. “Dean… Dean let it go.”

“Can’t. Not here… not now.” He said, putting a comic back in the shelf with shaking hands.

“Dean… it’s okay baby boy. We’ll get to the car and go back home. Okay? Come on,” he said, holding out his arms so Dean could hold on to him, or be picked up if he wanted to.

“Daddy, no!” he said loudly, causing Charlie to look up.

“Everything okay fellas?” she asked as she put down a stack of magazines.

“I don’t want to regress! Not here. I want to go home with Daddy and now I can’t… can’t…” he sniffled and Charlie walked towards them.

“What’s going on?” she asked, her eyes narrowing as she looked at Castiel as if he were harming Dean.
“Regress? What is he talking about?”

Castiel explained quickly while trying to steady Dean, who barely seemed to be able to stand on his own two feet anymore. Knowing Dean would throw a fit if he did pick him up now, he just held him by the shoulders.
“He regresses. His mind goes back to the age of a one or two year old. It’s happening now, but he’s ashamed and fighting it, because we’re… well, we’re in the middle of town.”

Charlie nodded in understanding, her apprehension of Castiel fading away. She looked over at Dean. “Go on Dean, it’ll be okay. You know what the Borg say... 'Resistance is futile!'" she smirked, and then her face softened. "Daddy will take care of you and I’ll help. Let go, Dean,” she said, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

It was like those were the magic words. Dean looked from Charlie to Castiel and released a breath he probably didn't even knew he was holding. He stopped fighting immediately and his legs gave out, but Castiel swiftly picked him up, the boy hoisted up into his arms and his head guided towards Castiel’s shoulder.

Dean was sniffling and his eyes were unfocused. Charlie patted him on his back and then looked at Castiel.

“This is a first for me. But believe me, I’ve seen stranger stuff.”
She carded her hand through Dean’s hair, the boy not really noticing, just slumped against his Daddy. Her eyes softened. “He’s adorable, though. So, you take care of him huh?”

“Yes. I consider him my son. I take care of him fulltime.” Castiel wanted to make that as obvious as possible. She seemed genuinely nice and he didn’t want her to get strange ideas.

“Hmm. Well. Okay. So, what can I do to help?”

Castiel didn’t want to inconvenience her, but he couldn’t walk around town with Dean in his arms either.
Well, he could, but he didn’t know how the reactions would be. “Could you pick up my car and drive it here? It’s by the diner, ‘Little Levi’s’. Then I can drive him home.”

Charlie hesitated for a bit, but Castiel said she could trust him and he’d pay her if needed, because she’d have to close the shop for a while. “Oh, no no! Just… give me the keys and I’ll handle it.”

He handed her the keys to the car and said which one it was (“Oh, a pimpmobile! Cool!”) and waited at the shop with a whimpering boy in his arms.

“Shhh... Deanie baby… calm down, Daddy’s here. It’s okay baby boy…” Castiel cooed as he bounced his boy up and down a bit. He stayed like that until he heard the rumble of his car coming in the street and waited until Charlie pulled up. She got out of the car and opened the passenger door so Castiel could put Dean in.

The boy had his thumb in his mouth and was curled up as best he could, Castiel’s heart breaking at the sight. “Thank you so much Charlie. We’ll be going home now.”

Charlie looked at Dean and then at Castiel. “I’m at the shop Monday through Friday. He seemed to like it up until… you know. So, if you guys ever wanna come back maybe I could help him with some magazines? We’ve got comics for little kids too. Just… you know. Come by.”

“Thank you. That’s very kind. I’m sure Dean would love to come back, and how he let himself go after you said it was okay… I’ve not seen Dean give in like that before. I’m positive Dean would want to visit again.” He said, as he looked at the car to check on his boy. He was still curled up, sucking his thumb.

“Yeah, sure. Seems like he’s been dealt a bad card, I figure he doesn’t have many friends?” she asked while looking at Dean as well.

Castiel sighed. “True. He doesn’t have any friends, yet. He hasn’t been with me very long so the opportunity hasn’t been there. We haven't been to town often. But I know he’d love to have friends that could accept both sides of him.”

“Well, I could be a friend! I’ll ask Dean if he wants to hang out sometime when I see you guys again. If he’s Big at that point, of course. If not we'll just play or something. We have lots of kids stuff at the store too.”

Castiel thanked Charlie for being so kind and generous. She acted as if everybody would do the same thing, but Castiel knew that wasn't true. People could be cruel. She wasn't though, and he would love for Dean to make some friends.

After saying goodbye, he went in the car to be with his baby boy. As he sat down, he pulled Dean towards him, guiding him down so his head was on Castiel’s lap. He drove away slowly, giving Charlie a wave and then putting his hand to rest on Dean’s shoulder. The boy shuddered and then curled up a bit, closing his eyes after a couple of minutes, finally giving into sleep.

With one arm around his boy, he drove home, fully intent on spoiling the baby when they got back to the house. After a good nap, of course.

As they got home, Castiel gently carried Little Dean to the nursery, laying him down on the changing table. The boy was fast asleep, making it difficult for Castiel to get the limp body to cooperate. He didn’t want to wake him though, so he pulled and pushed as gently as he could. The flannel and t-shirt were easily discarded, boots, socks and jeans gently pulled off. The boxers too, until there was just the baby boy in his fluorescent green onesie.

Unsnapping the onesie and taking off the diaper, he cleaned Dean with tender hands, noticing once more how deep his boy was sleeping. There were soft snores and sometimes a whimper, at which point Castiel would shush him gently. Tucking him in, he closed the tabs on the diaper and redid the onesie. Because his boy usually got cold feet, he grabbed some Finding Nemo winter socks and put them on. Dean looked adorable with his onesie and socks, his face soft from sleep. Little Dean never looked like a baby more than when he was asleep. His lips were slack, and Castiel slid in a pacifier, so the boy wouldn’t harass his thumb.

He picked Dean up by putting one arm under his back and one under his knees, the boy’s head lolling against Castiel's chest. It was a few steps to the crib, and Castiel put him down gently. He put Dinosaur in one hand and an elephant in the other. After covering Dean with a blanket he kissed him gently on the cheek.

“So proud of you today Dean. You did so well. I’m sure Bobby will take you on.”

He pulled the curtains closed and put in the nightlight. After cupping Dean’s cheek and planting one last kiss on the baby’s forehead, Castiel sneaked out of the room. The baby monitor was playing a soft jingle and pointed at the crib.

When he got down in the kitchen, he grabbed a cup of coffee. Looking at Dean on the screen of the baby monitor, he petted Jax, who was sitting beside him.

“We did good, didn’t we Jax?”

Jax just looked up at Castiel and rested his snout on his owner’s legs.
Castiel scratched Jax behind the ears.

“I think we did very good.”

Chapter Text

Castiel and his baby boy had had two wonderful days. Dean had been regressed since coming back from town. Castiel had played with him as much as possible, reading to him, making him waffles and taking him to the water. It was starting to get cold, so Castiel would wrap him up in his winter coat, his booties, his scarf and elephant cap.

Bobby had called this morning, confirming that they were happy to take Dean on and that he had already cleared the extra office, so Castiel could put some of Dean’s Little stuff in there. Garth had apparently been more than enthusiastic about helping to clear out the extra room and making it a bit more homey.

Castiel decided that a mat, some toys and stuff for a diaper change was all that was necessary. If Dean was Big he could change himself, if he regressed at work Castiel could change him before taking him home.

Castiel told Bobby how grateful he was, and that he could come by today. Dean was still Little and maybe it would be good for Bobby, Garth and Aaron to see how he was when he was regressed. He could also bring along stuff for the spare room; making it all ready to go for when Dean started his job. Bobby had mentioned that he had a project for Dean involving an old Plymouth, which he wanted to completely restore. Castiel had no worries about this and was sure Big Dean would be thrilled to be working solo on that project. Bobby agreed and Castiel told him he’d drive over after Dean got up from his nap.

After packing the trunk with the Little items he needed, he went inside to wake Dean up. When he walked into the nursery he saw that that wasn’t necessary. Dean already had his eyes open and was happily gurgling away. As soon as he noticed his Daddy, he squealed happily and raised his arms. Castiel smiled and walked over quickly, Dean squirming on the mattress indicating he wanted hugs now.

“Let’s get you changed, huh? I’ll put you in some Big Clothes, but we can add a Little t-shirt to keep you happy. What do you think about Elmo, sweetheart?”

Dean of course didn’t reply, just happily let his Daddy take care of him and change him. The red Elmo shirt was a hit, Dean trying his best to help his Daddy get the shirt on. As soon as it was on, Dean tried to shove his thumb in his mouth. Castiel caught him gently by the wrist though, pulling his arm down as he tried to get Dean to take a pacifier, but the boy wasn’t having it. His mouth was a thin line and his eyebrows were furrowed. Castiel tried again, but Dean moved his head to the side and scowled.

Castiel didn’t mind, if Dean didn’t want a pacifier that was okay, but he wasn’t getting his thumb either. It was the pacifier or nothing. He put the pacifier on a clip that attached to the Elmo t-shirt, then picked the boy up. Dean was still unhappy, and when Castiel had the boy’s head on his shoulder, he could feel Dean’s arm coming up. He pulled Dean back, looking him in the eyes.

“No.” he said, knowing Dean understood that word, or the tone in which it was said, very well.

Dean squirmed in his hold and whined, but Castiel wasn’t having any of it. He pulled Dean back towards his chest and then walked out the door to the car. As soon as Dean saw the bottle Cas had prepared he forgot all about his rebellion and happily hummed when Castiel sat beside him and helped him latch on to the bottle. As his boy was suckling happily, Castiel had one arm around him and they drove into town.

~*~

Castiel first checked to see if any customers were out on the work floor, but there weren’t. If there were he’d have to go through the back door, but now he could introduce Little Dean to Garth and Aaron. Walking back to the car, he picked Dean up after wiping his face clean from his bottle, then walked in.

He had Dean on his left hip, the boy’s face nuzzled into his neck. He walked towards Garth, who was bent over under the hood, and tapped him on the shoulder.

When Garth got out from under the hood, he turned around and saw the pair. “Hi Cas! Hi Dean! Guess he’s a Little boy now, huh?” he asked Castiel as he cleaned his hands on a rag. Castiel thought Garth was stating the obvious, what with Dean latched on to him like an overgrown koala, but didn't remark.

“Yes, he is. Baby boy, this is Garth.” Dean tried to hide further into Castiel’s neck.

Garth looked a bit puzzled, until Castiel explained. “Little Dean doesn’t remember his Big life. He doesn’t know you. They’re two different Deans, if that’s easier.”

Garth smiled then, understanding. “Well that’s okay too! So, this is what he’s like when he’s Little? He’s always this shy?”

Castiel chuckled. “Oh no. He’s usually way more active. This place is new to him though, but if he’s comfortable he’ll be just fine.”

Garth’s eyes lit up. “I could play with him when he’s Little. You know, if that happens when you’re gone. I even helped Bobby to set up the baby room!”

“Baby room? Is that what you’re calling it?” Castiel felt happy at the notion that Garth, who in essence had been a stranger, put so much effort into this for them. He owed him and Bobby a lot.

“Oh yes! Bobby was a bit grumpy about it, said we should just call it Dean’s room, but he’s a baby right now, right? So, baby room.”

During the conversation, Dean showed his face a bit, curiously glancing at Garth’s friendly face.

Garth noticed, and slowly pointed his index finger at Dean, coming closer and closer. Dean narrowed his eyes, and all of a sudden Garth put his finger on Dean’s nose. “Boop!” he said. Dean was silent for a couple of seconds, looking at Garth and then his Daddy, then back to Garth, then then he erupted into giggles.

Garth did it again and this time Dean even squealed, thoroughly enjoying this game. It wasn’t until Dean’s laughter died down a bit that Castiel noticed Aaron had come towards them, curiously looking at Dean.

Dean was a bit out of breath from the laughter, then noticed Aaron too. He didn’t hide, but looked at Aaron with happy eyes.

Aaron looked at Castiel, then at Dean. Tentatively, he put the back of his fingers against Dean’s cheek and stroked gently. “Hi Baby Dean. I’m Aaron.”

Dean smiled and leaned into the touch. Aaron pulled his fingers away a few moments later and walked back to his work station.

Garth looked at Aaron and then towards Dean. “Most he’s said this week,” he told Castiel.

Castiel knew Aaron hardly talked, and he probably had good reason too, but he could see that Aaron was kind and just liked to keep to himself. “Where’s Bobby?” he asked.

“In his office, probably having a fight with his computer,” Garth said.

“Thank you. We’ll go see him now.”

“Sure thing. Hey Cas?”

“Yes, Garth?”

“Bobby said you would bring stuff for Dean, too. I could go put that in his baby room?”

Castiel smiled at him. “Thank you, Garth. It’s all in the trunk. Here are my keys.”

Garth took the keys and walked out, leaving Castiel to walk to Bobby’s office.

Upon entering Bobby was muttering to the computer screen, but looked up when he heard Castiel patting Dean’s back. He looked at Dean in Castiel’s arms and then at Castiel. “He looks happy.” He said.

“Yes. Garth ‘booped’ him.”

Bobby frowned. “I don’t even wanna know what that is. Garth tell ya about Dean’s room? Damn idjit wanting to call it a baby-room…” he sighed. He stood up, gesturing at Castiel to follow.

Castiel was glad to see that the room was right next to Bobby’s office. When he opened the door, he nearly dropped Dean from surprise. Garth and Bobby sure got a lot done in just a day. The walls were a soft purple and the couch from Bobby’s office was set in the corner, a new soft blue blanket covering it. A few toys were already on the ground and there was a big stuffed bear in the corner of the couch. There was a canvas on the wall with all the Sesame Street characters.

“I sent Garth out shopping yesterday afternoon for some stuff after we painted this. Figured we’d make it a bit homey. Hope this is okay. I don’t have any experience with kids.”

“You had experience with me.” Castiel stated.

Bobby turned around to face Castiel. “Boy, you were seven. That’s a hell of a lot different than a two-year-old. Even if this one is taller n’me.” He huffed.

Castiel grinned and patted Bobby on his shoulder. “I know. Thank you for this.”

“Don’t get too sappy now. Dean, d’ya like it?” he asked as he awkwardly patted Dean’s shoulder.
The boy turned around to look at Bobby and hummed approvingly. Dean tried to grab Bobby’s beard, but Castiel was quick and pulled his boy back a bit. Bobby grinned.

Dean then noticed the bear, and squirmed to reach his goal. Castiel put him down on the floor, which had a new rug, he gladly noticed.
He looked at Bobby. “Give him the bear. You’ll be his hero.”

Bobby hesitated but did as asked and walked over towards the bear, Dean following his every step, watching Bobby intensely. The old man walked towards Dean and he held his arms open, waiting for Bobby to hand him the stuffed animal. As soon as he had it in his grip, he cuddled tightly. The bear was about half Dean’s size, a perfect cuddle companion.

“That’s kinda cute.” Bobby said.

“Told you.” Castiel retorted, and the two men sat down on the couch, watching Dean play. They talked a bit about how they wanted things to go. Bobby told Castiel that the Plymouth was Dean’s own project, to work on in his own time. This way, if he regressed, Castiel wouldn’t have to keep calling every time, to let him know Dean couldn’t come to work. There were no set hours.

Bobby asked about Dean wearing a diaper or not. Castiel explained that Dean always wore one, even when he was Big. Dean could change himself now, if he wanted to ( though at home Dean preferred to let Castiel do it ). But, if he regressed and soiled his diaper, Castiel would only be thirty minutes away at most. If Bobby really didn't want to then Castiel didn't blame him, which he told Bobby, but the man just grumbled something about 'ain't lettin' no kid sit in his own filth...' which sent a clear message to Castiel, stating that Bobby would take care of Dean just fine. Even though he knew Dean was well taken care of, knowing they would take care of that too, was a relief. He would feel sorry for his boy if he had to lie in his own waste, even if it was just for a short bit.

Garth came in a few moments later, his arms full. The three men had the room set up in no time and Dean watched happily, smiling at everyone walking around him while he was on his butt on the floor. He looked like a little prince, his employees working for him. “Don’t get used to it.” Castiel said as he looked at Dean with a soft smile. The boy just squealed and tried to clap his hands, teddy bear getting in the way.

~*~

“Aaron introduced himself to Dean just now.” Castiel told Bobby as he was picking Dean up off the floor. Dean immediately burrowed into him, one hand gripping Castiel’s vest tightly.

Bobby looked at him with questioning eyes. “What did he say?”

“Not much. Just, ‘Hello Dean, I’m Aaron’, and that was it.”

“Huh. Hasn’t said a word yet this week. He doesn’t trust people. Well, me and Garth. But Dean of course is something else. Kids are pure innocence.”

“Little Dean can be a handful sometimes, too,” Castiel said, as he slid the pacifier in Dean’s mouth.

“I’ll bet. That’s a big pacifier.” He said as he looked at Dean, who looked back at Bobby with lazy eyes.

“Big boy, big stuff,” Castiel replied as he took out his car keys. “I’ve left a pacifier here too, with his stuff.”

He hoisted Dean up a bit more and looked at the older man. “Thanks Bobby. Again.”

“Yeah, yeah. Now get out before I start growing lady parts.”

Castiel chuckled. “Can you say goodbye to Dean?”

“Whaddaya mean? I’ll see him again.”

“You can’t not tell a Little boy goodbye.”

“Boy, you know I ain’t the cuddly type.” Bobby huffed.

“You will be. I bet Dean’s got you wrapped around his finger in no time.”

Bobby grunted, but walked towards them. Dean saw him approaching and stretched out his arms to hug the man who gave him the teddy bear. He was still on Castiel’s hip, but Castiel pulled back a bit, and Dean gave Bobby a warm hug. Bobby patted him on the back but Dean didn’t let go. Castiel knew he wouldn’t until Bobby hugged back. It took a few seconds, but then Bobby wrapped his arms around the boy and Dean tightened his hold, apparently not fazed by the smell of grease and old man smell.
Dean let go first and Bobby stepped back.

“Well, on your way now, go on, get.” He said, trying to keep his macho image but failing miserably.

“Bye Bobby. I’ll call.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Castiel walked out and walked through the work floor, Dean waving at Garth and Aaron. “We’ll be back soon!” Castiel called out.

~*~

Dean came out of his regression sometime after dinner, when he was leaning up against Castiel who was reading him a book on the sofa. He had let Castiel finish the story before he told him he was back; he was so comfortable snuggled up to his Daddy’s side, and Castiel’s gravelly voice was soothing.

Once he was back, Castiel had told him how they had gone over to Bobby’s and that he had his own special project to work on there. There was a room made for him and Garth and Aaron had apparently welcomed Little Dean with kindness.

The following morning, he slept until eleven, happy that Daddy didn’t wake him up sooner. It turned out that Daddy had been working knowing Dean was big and needed the sleep. Today Dean decided to get some chores done and work in the garden a bit. Castiel had some work to catch up on and was hidden away in his study. Dean had made sure to bring him some sandwiches and milk for lunch. When Castiel was working he tended to forget to eat, but Dean had the healthy appetite and metabolism for a man his age, so he made sure Castiel ate when he did.

After bringing a thankful Daddy his lunch and eating it together at his desk, Dean left his Daddy alone so he could work some more.

He had his own work to do too and took the laptop from the kitchen to the living room couch. Castiel had two, and this one was Dean’s to use. He had been thinking about Sam a lot lately, and wanted to reply to his e-mail. Dean was still mad at him, but understood that it had been a shock for Sam and he reminded himself that sometimes even a young brat as Sam deserved a second chance. It was still his brother, after all. The only family he had next to his Daddy.

Starting up the laptop, he logged into his e-mail account, going to his folder that contained Sammy’s e-mails. He clicked on ‘reply’ and started writing.

Hiya Sammy,

It took me a while to write you back. Guess you know why. I’m still mad at you, but I’m trying to let that go. You were right; Cas isn’t enabling me. I need him and I don’t care how girly that sounds. He helps me and takes care of me 24/7. I just couldn’t do it alone anymore and I shouldn’t have to.

You asked about what happened between me and dad. We had a huge fight. He was drunk, as always. I helped him clean up and get him to bed. He asked me why I was still there. I told him he was still my dad, even though he hurt me. He then said that if he was sober he’d kick me out. That I was the reason for mom dying, for you leaving. He only needed me to help with money. It was true though. I told myself he was just lonely and needed his son, but the only thing he cared about was to get liquor as soon as my pay check came in.

I got so mad I tore up the house. He had been hurting me for years, I tried to keep you from it. I knew he’d hurt you if I didn’t protect you. It’s what I do, take care of my little brother, right?

I couldn’t take it anymore Sammy. I needed out. I left him. I spent my life trying to make him happy and take care of you, do the right thing and for what? I chose me for the first time. Of course, everything after that came crumbling down. I went down to California to see you, but you were happy without me. That was the first time I regressed. I know now I shouldn’t have put the blame on you. Maybe if you saw me, you would’ve helped. I don’t know. But I couldn’t. I didn’t want to bother you.

I spent two years alone. A permanent job is impossible when you regress and the Impala became my home. The first year was horrible. I won’t tell you about that. The second year was manageable. I sent you texts and e-mails but you never replied. That still hurts me. I met Castiel when I was Little. He was the first one to look through me and saw what I needed. And now I’ve got a job, a home, a dog. I have a dog, Sammy. You met him. I mean, Cas even gave me a freaking nursery. I know I’m a lucky son of a bitch.

This is me choosing myself again. I’m making a life here and so far, I like it. Cas is good to me, I’m making friends. I’m happy. We can keep in touch, but only like this for now.

Well, anyways, hope everything’s going good there and that your grades are up.

-Dean.

Dean sighed and clicked ‘send’. He closed the laptop and walked outside after putting his coat on, seeing Jax lazily enjoying the autumn sun. He sat down next to the dog, rubbing him behind the ears. “You’re my best friend, Jax. You know that, right? Although Garth and Charlie seemed cool too.”

Jax was looking at Dean and then laid down, Dean deciding to lay down next to him rubbing the dog’s belly. After a good cuddle session with Jax, he headed to the hammock, which was in a sunny spot between two trees. He laid down and was asleep before he knew it, his plan for chores forgotten.

“Dean? Dean….” he felt a big hand shaking his shoulder gently. The familiar voice chuckled. “Wake up Big Lil’ man…”

Dean rubbed his eyes and slowly opened them, to see a massive man bent over him, blocking out the sun. The man was smiling softly.

“Benny!” he yelled out, then reached out his arms, forgetting he was supposed to be Big. Benny picked him up and swung him around, before settling him on his hips.

“You Big now?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like to swing!” Dean grinned.

Benny swung him around once more and Dean guffawed, clinging to the older man with all his might. After both standing still for a minute, the dizziness was gone. Dean was still on Benny’s hip but he didn’t mind, even if he was Big. Benny was nice. The man walked over to the porch and Dean could see a bucket with fish. “Did you go fishing today?”

“Yup, sure did. Also brought some gumbo. Called your Daddy and asked if you wanted to barbecue. I know it’s cold, but we can grill the fish here, then take it inside. Whaddaya reckon?”

Dean gave a wide smile and nodded excitedly.

As Benny put him down, Castiel came outside with a scarf and a hat. “Dean, you must be freezing! How long have you been outside?”

“Uh… I fell asleep in the hammock. But I was in the sun!” he countered.

Castiel sighed. “Here, put these on. When you’re done barbecuing, we eat inside and you won’t be going outside again tonight, you hear?”

“Yes Daddy,” Dean mumbled. He needed to change the subject. “Benny brought gumbo!”

“I heard. I’ll set the table and everything and you can stay outside with Benny.”

Dean gave his Daddy a hug, knowing Castiel could’ve easily decided that Dean should come inside straight away. He helped Benny with the fish on the grill, amazed at how large some were. He wondered if they could eat that all in one go, but Benny assured him that between three grown men, the fish would be gone before they knew it.

Benny was right. It took them longer to grill everything than for the three of them to eat it, and they even had ice cream afterwards. Chocolate chip, Dean’s favorite.

The sailor told many stories about his fishing trips and Dean couldn’t remember ever feeling like this before. Happy, warm and fuzzy at home with his Daddy and a good friend. Jax by his side, begging for some food. This must be what they mean by 'domestic bliss', he thought. After a while his face was hot from being outside all afternoon and he felt his eyes drooping. The last bites of ice cream were eaten slowly and he didn’t notice how Benny looked from Dean to Castiel.

Castiel did though, and he nodded to Benny, who took his cue and started clearing the table. Castiel turned towards Dean and took him under his armpits, hoisting the boy up. Dean didn’t put up a fight and didn’t care he was Big. At home he didn’t have to be all the time, especially if he didn’t want to.

Castiel walked over to the kitchen, where Benny ruffled the boy’s hair and gave him a kiss on the temple.
“‘Night, Lil’ man.”

Dean was warm and sated, enjoying his Daddy’s broad shoulders and slumping against them, yawning as his Daddy carried him to the nursery. When they were there though, Castiel suddenly stopped. He asked Dean a question, and Dean already knew what it was going to be. “You're a Big boy now. Would you rather I change you first then take you to your Big room?”

Dean shook his head and pointed to the nursery, not saying anything. He wanted to be with his Dinosaur tonight. Safe, in his crib. Daddy understood and changed him into a clean diaper and fresh, soft footed pajamas that were yellow and made him look like Big Bird. After brushing his teeth, a pacifier was slipped between his lips and Dean couldn’t keep awake anymore. He wanted his Daddy to read to him, but was too tired to even ask for the book.

His Daddy laid him down in the crib, and put Dinosaur in his arms. Daddy bent over, stroking Dean on his cheek and waited until the fluttering eyes didn’t open anymore and Dean’s breathing had slowed down.
“No idea how much I love you baby boy,” he said.

Dean had heard him though, and fell asleep without a care in the world.

~*~

Castiel walked down towards the kitchen, where Benny had just put the last dishes in the dishwasher.
“Thank you so much for coming by and for helping cook and clean up. Dean had a wonderful time.”

“And you?” Benny asked.

Castiel stared at him. He hadn’t really considered how he felt. To him it was always about Dean. It was nice to have someone care about Castiel in all this, too.

“Yes, I did. You make Dean happy. And if Dean’s happy, so am I.”

“That’s good to hear, brother. We should make this a regular thing. You have a great barbecue, after all.”

Castiel laughed. The barbecue had been something bought on impulse, ridiculously expensive. He decided he wanted one after watching a cooking show one night, but never used it. It was huge, with a barbecue and a grill section, and he didn’t even know what half the knobs and buttons were for. Luckily Benny did. “I’d like that. Dean would like that.”

Benny smiled, “I ain’t got much friends and well, you two are a bit secluded too, I guess. Let’s make it a Sunday thing or something.”

“Deal,” Castiel replied. “But only if you bring gumbo again. That was delicious.”

Benny laughed loudly and clapped Castiel on the shoulder. “Will do, brother. I’m heading home now. See you next Sunday, okay? Give my best to the Lil’ man.”

“I will. Thanks again, Benny.”

Benny left, taking his things with him. It was late already, so Castiel got ready for bed. He checked on Dean once more, but the boy hadn’t moved, Dinosaur protecting him.

Tomorrow he was going to call Ellen Harvelle. Bobby had said that she was a great psychiatrist, who also helped with Aaron. Turned out Aaron had been a complete mute before she worked with him and used to be terrified of strange people. Castiel hadn’t noticed that when he first met Aaron, so he concluded she was doing a good job.

He knew his baby boy was open to the idea of professional help and hoped that this Dr. Harvelle would be a good fit for him.

Chapter Text

Castiel was in the kitchen, getting breakfast ready and getting some food for Jax before going to get his boy up for the day. Dean had been fast asleep when he walked in this morning, spread eagle in the crib, and Castiel decided he could sleep in some more. Just as he turned off the stove and put the last bit of bacon on a plate, Dean waddled in, a line from the pillow still visible on his face and a bedhead to match. Dinosaur was in one hand and the Big Bird socks were still on along with his Big Bird pajamas. He looked adorable.

“Morning sleepyhead. I was just about to wake you.”

“Hmm. Yeah. I smelled bacon,” Dean replied, sitting down at the table after giving Castiel a hug.

Castiel set down Dean’s plate of breakfast and then took his own, sitting across from the boy. “Haven’t changed your diaper yet?”

“No, could you do that after breakfast? Need bacon now.”

Castiel decided that yes, bacon was a Top Priority right now for his little boy, so he let it slide.
“So, if you don’t regress, tomorrow’s your first day at Bobby’s. You excited?” Castiel asked as he took a sip of coffee.

Dean hummed around his bacon and nodded vigorously. He swallowed his bite and looked at Castiel. “More than excited. I’d love to see the Plymouth and know what I need to do.”

Castiel nodded in agreement and refilled Dean’s glass. The boy would easily drink two or three glasses of milk alongside his breakfast. Which reminded him, they needed to go grocery shopping tomorrow. The unexpected barbecue and Dean being regressed for a while meant that he hadn’t been able to go shopping, so he’d have to buy things in bulk today.

“Tell me, what did you do yesterday while I was working? Did you just sleep in the hammock all afternoon? You must’ve been freezing!” Castiel said.

Dean scraped the last of the eggs off his plate and replied. “Wasn’t that cold. Had my coat on, Daddy.
Anyway, I uh… I wrote Sam an e-mail back before I went outside. I’m still mad but I do want to stay in touch.”

Castiel wasn’t surprised about this. He wanted Dean to not worry about Sam or how Sam might feel about his regressions. They needed to talk things out and if they could do it this way then he would encourage that. “I’m glad you’re keeping in touch with your brother. I hope you let him know how happy you’ve been since you’ve been here. Well, I hope your happy. I want you to be happy. I know we aren’t there yet, but I’ll try my best to make you happy.”

Dean frowned and he looked up at Castiel. “Why wouldn’t I be happy?”

Castiel didn’t want to upset Dean. Really, he didn’t, but he knew that he wasn’t enough for Dean to come to term with his regressions. If he were being honest, he didn’t think Dean would ever really recover. “I think you’re happy, but not as much as you could be. Not until you’ve really worked things through from your past. You know, those two years alone… I’m not saying you need to talk to me about that. You know that you need help, with a professional.” Castiel ended with nothing more than whispers. He wanted to be strong for his boy, he really did. He knew Dean wasn’t opposed to the idea of a professional anymore, but that didn’t mean he was happy about it either.

“I thought maybe that wasn’t really necessary anymore… because I’ve got it good now. You know?” Dean asked quietly.

“I know baby boy, but I can’t ignore your nightmares. They don’t happen often, but they do happen. You still regress even though you don’t want to. This means that your head is still trying to cope with some sort of trauma and I’m afraid that I’m not enough to help you with that. I’m too invested.”

“Too invested?” Dean asks, while playing with his fork. The boy didn’t look at Castiel.

“Yes. I worry too much. I’m too protective. I think it would be good for you to have an outsider’s point of view on this one. Bobby recommended someone to me, I think she might be able to help you. If not, we can find someone else.” Castiel tried to make eye contact with his boy but Dean wasn’t up to it.

“You mean a shrink?” he asked, bottom lip trembling.

Castiel leaned over the table and put a finger under the boy’s chin, guiding the face up so Dean would look at him. “I mean someone who might be able to help. Give it a chance. She is helping Aaron too. I think she might be a right fit.”

Dean’s eyes were watering but not out of discomfort or pain. Castiel could see it as clear as rain; his boy was afraid. “What are you afraid of?”

Dean pulled back and shook his head. “I don’t want to tell anyone. I can’t say it.”

“We’ll figure this out, Dean. It’ll be okay baby boy.”

Dean stood up from the table and put his dishes in the sink. “I need to think about it.” He said as he walked out of the kitchen, leaving a sad Castiel behind.

That wasn’t really what Castiel had in mind for breakfast. He tried to break the subject to Dean as gently as possible. He knew the boy would need time to think it over, and would most likely regress, but it wasn’t like Dean to pull away from him. If anything, Dean always sought Castiel out, needing him for hugs and cuddles. It wasn’t like him to deny himself touch. Not anymore. Not since that day in the motel. Rubbing a hand over his face Castiel decided to let his boy be for a while, then check up on him.

~*~

He worried what he would find when he went upstairs. He had left his end of the baby monitor in his room so he didn’t know where Dean had gone. He checked Dean’s Big room first, but his boy wasn’t there. When he got into the nursery, his eyes welled up with tears. Dean was in his crib, every toy from the room collected and brought in there with him and snuggling his blankie (which was still one of Castiel’s old t-shirts). He was sniffling softly and hadn’t noticed his Daddy standing in the doorway.

Castiel walked over and gently pushed some of the stuffed animals aside. Dean looked up and his eyes were red and puffy. The older man noticed the smell of urine immediately, which indicated Dean hadn’t changed his diaper yet. It had probably been too much, and his suspicions were confirmed when he saw that the diaper had leaked through.

At this moment, Castiel was unsure if Dean had regressed or not. It wouldn’t have surprised him, because the boy was obviously not happy, but then again, his regressions happened so randomly lately.

He caressed Dean’s hair, speaking softly to him. “Hey sweetheart. Did you bring all your toys with you?”

Dean blinked slowly and nodded, his eyes a bit glazed over.

“Think we should take a bath?” Castiel asked, as he crouched down beside the crib so he was level with Dean.

“Yeah.” Dean replied.

Castiel stood up and slowly put his arms under Dean’s shoulders, pulling him up gently. The boy went willingly, clearly not in the mood to fight or argue about what happened before. Castiel rarely saw Dean so docile, except for maybe when he was regressed to infancy.

He had to ask. “Are you Big or Little now, sweetheart? Daddy can’t tell. Daddy’s sorry.”

“I’m Big but I don’t wanna be…” the boy sniffled as Castiel laid him down.

“I know baby boy. This is all a bit too much, isn’t it? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought this up to you first thing in the morning.” Castiel got him out of his PJ’s and onesie, then took off the diaper. The skin around Dean’s groin was a little irritated, but after he was washed and cleaned and had on a dry diaper, that would probably go away on its own.

“Yeah …” was Dean’s only reply.

Dean was looking around a bit, passive in everything. He let Castiel carry him to the bathroom to set him down on the toilet.

“Do you need to do a number two?” Castiel asked and Dean nodded. Castiel waited and when Dean was ready, he cleaned him up. The tub was full by now and Castiel stripped to his boxers, his own clothes also a bit wet from carrying Dean just now. He quickly put on a pair of sweatpants, then took his boy and put him in the tub.

Dean didn’t respond to the water or Castiel washing his hair. He didn’t respond when his body was being washed, either. Dean was thinking very hard, it seemed, or he was just lost in his own thoughts.

“Mind telling me what’s on your mind baby boy?” Castiel dared to ask.

“Not yet.” Dean mumbled.

Castiel swallowed down a sob but knew that he had to give his boy time. “Benny said we could make the barbecue a regular thing. Every Sunday evening. Would you like that?”

Dean gave a soft smile and finally looked at Castiel, though it wasn’t with those green vibrant eyes as usual. “Yeah…”

Apparently, Dean’s vocabulary was heading into Little territory, but Castiel understood.

“Daddy?”

“Yes Dean?”

“Can I go now?” he whispered.

Knowing he would probably regress to infancy from the stress, Castiel immediately scooped him out of the tub. He put his baby boy on the changing table. “You can go now Dean… See you soon, okay?” Castiel said, trying to hide his trembling.

“Okay…” Dean replied, and it was as if a switch had been turned.

Regressing to infancy had only happened once before while Castiel had taken care of him and having him in the tub while that happened wasn’t safe for either of them. The boy would become so limp it was very hard for Castiel to pick him up, so he wanted to have his boy on a flat surface before he went. The older man also knew that this state of regression usually took some time. Normal regressions announced themselves around fifteen to thirty minutes beforehand, but these were usually the result of Dean’s endless thoughts and worries.

Dean had immediately let go and was staring at the ceiling, eyes foggy and arms limp.

Castiel knew his boy wouldn’t see or remember this, so he let his tears fall freely as he changed his boy into some clean clothes. Sometimes taking care of his boy became a bit too much. How was he expected to handle this all on his own? Dean had warned him about this, but the love he had for his boy was too much. He was his Daddy.

He decided to call his new friend, hoping he could talk to him.

After carrying Dean downstairs and laying him down in the play pen, he called Benny. The man answered quickly. “What’s up brother? Miss the gumbo already?”

Castiel sniffed his nose before replying and tried to speak but tears formed again.

“Cas? You okay?”

Castiel let out a sob and tried to form a coherent sentence. “Yes, it’s just… Dean, he’s really small now, he was scared this morning and… I just, it’s, I’m all alone now and I thought I could, could handle it, you know and I…”

“Deep breaths, brother. I’ll come by, okay? I’m at the docks now. Give me ten minutes. Stay calm, ya hear?”

Benny was a godsend, Castiel was sure. He let out a shaky breath and thanked Benny, then waited for him.

Castiel was still sitting at the kitchen table with his phone in his hand when Benny knocked on the front door. “It’s open,” he called out. Dean was gurgling a bit, lazily lounging in the play pen.

Benny walked in, stopping at the play pen to give Dean’s hair a ruffle. Then he walked over to Castiel. Benny narrowed his eyes a bit and then went for a cup of coffee, setting it down in front of Castiel. “Looks like you need it.”

Castiel put both hands around the cup and sighed. “I'm sorry. It just got too much and I didn't have anybody else to call."
“It’s okay. It's what friends are for, right?” Benny said gently as he sat across him. “Tell me what’s going on.”

Castiel replied while looking at his baby boy. “I talked to Dean about getting him some professional help. There are just some things that I can’t help him with. I’m too invested, too protective. Love him too much. It’s not that he didn’t want professional help, but it scared him. Brought up some memories from before we met.” Castiel took a sip of coffee, glad to have something to do with his hands.

“It’s good though. That he can talk to someone. If you find someone who’s suitable for Dean I think it could benefit him very much, brother.”

“Bobby, from Singer Auto, said that an Ellen Harvelle helped one of his employees greatly.” Castiel said.

Benny whistled. “Yeah, she’s a good one. Tough as nails, but honest and sweet. I’ve known her all my life. Tried to court her, but she wasn’t having it. God, that woman… I think she’d make a good fit for Dean. She helped with my sister, too.”

“She did?” Castiel asked hopefully.

“Sure did. So, she knows about Little’s. I’d say that’s a big advantage.”

“Yes, I think so too. I’m sorry I called, Benny. It was just overwhelming. I had so many things to do today and now this happened and I just suddenly realized I was all alone.”

Benny frowned. “You’re not alone, remember? I’m sitting right here, brother. What is it you needed done today? Maybe I can help.”

“Don’t you have work?”

“I’m my own boss. I’ll be okay.”

“Well, I need groceries. A lot. I can order them online but I need to put that all away. There are some chores to be done and I need to change the bedding in Dean’s nursery.” Castiel sighed.

Benny stood up and clapped him on the shoulder. “You keep an eye on Lil’ man, and I’ll do the rest. It’ll be fine.”

~*~

Benny kept his word. He helped Castiel through the day and made sure all was done. The cupboards were stocked again, the washing was done and he even fixed a bathroom cabinet. Castiel had even fallen asleep on the sofa in the afternoon. When he woke up, Benny told him that he had given Dean his bottle and put him down for a nap. He couldn’t be more grateful; he had really needed that nap. Both him and his son.
Castiel sent him on his way with a homemade pie he made that morning and the promise for chocolate chip ice cream next Sunday.

At the end of the afternoon, when Benny had left to go back home, he felt much better and rested. Walking in to the nursery, he found Dean still asleep, Dinosaur clutched to his chest like a lifeline. Castiel wiped off some drool and checked his diaper, which was still dry. He went downstairs again, and decided to call the shop where Charlie worked. It was almost 6pm, he was just on time.

”Comics and More, Charlie speaking!”

“Hi Charlie, this is Castiel. Remember me and Dean?”

“Oh, Janeway boy! Yes I remember! How is Dean? Is he okay?”

“Well, that’s what I was calling about. Do you deliver? I’ll pay you extra.”

“Don’t worry about the money. But yeah sure, I deliver. It’s my shop, I can do what I want. What can I get for you?”

“Some of those children comic’s you were talking about? I don’t know if you have anything that’s with cars or dinosaurs?”

“Oh, I’m sure I can scrounge something up. No probs. Want me to bring it by tomorrow?”

“That would be great. Dean’s Little now, but even more Little than normal. I can’t exactly go anywhere with him, that’s why I asked.”

“No, that’s fine! What’s your address?”

Castiel gave her the information and she said she’d come by later in the morning. He was looking forward to seeing Charlie. She was a sweet girl and he liked having someone to talk to when Dean was so Little.

After preparing dinner for himself, Castiel sat down on the sofa and ate his noodles watching National Geographic, Jax laying down beside him. When he realized he was nodding off a bit, he took Jax into the garden to get some fresh air. The dog loved it and he and Castiel played ball for a while under the porch light.

Feeling refreshed, Castiel went back inside and up to the nursery. Dean was awake, but gurgling away happily, squirming a bit and blowing bubbles with his spit.

Castiel gingerly picked him up to change him, the process made difficult a bit because Dean’s legs weren’t cooperating. After washing his face with a washcloth and getting him in a clean onesie, he walked downstairs with the baby in his arms.

A bottle was ready for him, and Castiel sat down on the sofa, Dean tucked away against him. Dean latched on quickly and suckled away happily. When Dean was regressed to this young age, he slept most of the day. At the moment, Castiel was happy about that, because he was very tired himself. After burping Dean and putting him back in the crib, he went to bed too. It was early still, but the man was exhausted.

~*~

Castiel woke bright and early at 6am to a cursing Dean. Not a crying Dean, not a whimpering Dean, but a cursing Dean. Well, that had been a quick regression.

“Dammit!” he heard.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes Castiel walked over to the nursery, annoyed that he hadn’t woken up earlier. The baby monitor was working just fine, but Castiel had been too tired to wake up from it. “Dean? ‘s going on?” he mumbled.

Dean looked up with a frown on his face. “Damn side of the crib won’t go down. It’s stuck or something, and I need to poo.” He muttered.

“No… cursing…” Castiel yawned, and he walked over. After some pushing and prodding the side came down and Dean got out. Castiel was still barely on his feet and not really awake.

“Daddy you okay?”

“Yes. No. I guess. It’s just… too early…” another yawn.

Dean chuckled and put both hands on Castiel’s waist and turned him around, ushering him back to his bedroom. “Go to sleep Daddy, I’ll join you soon.”

His bed was still warm and Castiel snuggled under the covers. He could vaguely feel Dean coming in bed next to him a while later, but was too tired to even turn around. Dean snuggled against him though, and that was all he needed to go back to dreamland.

Castiel woke up much later, the clock indicating it was almost 11am. The smell of pancakes wafted through the door and voices were coming from the kitchen. After a quick bathroom visit and a change of clothes he trotted downstairs to find Dean and Charlie baking pancakes. Dean was wearing his Big clothes, but under his flannel the Elmo T-shirt stuck out. Seems that was a favorite. The combination of Big and Little clothes (jeans with his Cars winter socks) was too cute. Not that Castiel would admit that to Dean just yet.

Charlie was wearing a ‘Team Negan’ t-shirt and Castiel really hoped she wouldn’t want to introduce his boy to The Walking Dead. He had heard about the show, seen bits and pieces, and didn’t think his boy could handle zombies. No, not even when he was Big. Dean had a scare a few weeks back after he insisted on watching a second class horror movie. Castiel told him that wouldn't be a good idea, but wanted Dean to find out for himself. His boy could be so stubborn. Dean claimed he wasn't scared but turned it off halfway through, then wanted to spend the night in Castiel's bed. He even insisted on keeping the light in the hallway on and to keep the door ajar. Castiel didn't sleep all night. So no, no zombies for Dean, no matter how tough he acted. Luckily Charlie's shirt only had the text and the bat, but he was going to mention it to her in the future. No scaring Dean.

“Morning Daddy!” Dean exclaimed, flipping one of the pancakes. After that he walked over to Castiel, hugging him tight and kissing his Daddy on the cheek. Castiel stroked his back and then put a hand through his hair.

Charlie grinned. “Morning Sleeping Beauty. Does he always have such crazy hair?” she asked Dean.

Castiel balked. His hair was just fine.

Dean however, grinned and shoved Charlie’s shoulder. “He always looks this crazy in the morning. No amount of gel can tame that bedhead. Not that he even tries.”

“Teaming up on me first thing in the morning…” he grunted, and gladly took the mug of coffee Charlie handed over. He noticed she had already made herself quite at home. He liked that.

“What kind of pancakes do you want? I’ve got chocolate chip and blueberry. Or just plain ones.” Dean asked.

“Plain ones will be fine, baby boy. With syrup.” He stated.

Dean rolled his eyes but got the syrup and then gave Cas a plate full of plain pancakes. They looked beautiful.

“These look… photo shopped.” He said.

Dean smiled and looked at Charlie. “Charlie helped.”

“Of course she did.”

The three ate breakfast, Charlie throwing in a Hobbit comment, something about second breakfast. Castiel didn’t really listen, he was enjoying the sweet pancakes too much. He also enjoyed seeing Dean interact with Charlie and vice versa; movie references were being thrown about casually and Dean was smiling from ear to ear.

Feeling he could leave Dean with Charlie easily, he went for a walk with Jax, surprised the dog hadn’t gotten sick yet. Dean thought he was being sneaky, but Castiel had seen him feeding the dog small bits of pancake. Luckily not the ones with chocolate in them. Jax had a strong stomach though and was just as energetic as always. Well, as energetic as the old dog could get nowadays.

Upon coming home, he found Dean on the floor sorting through the comics with Charlie.

“You guys okay here? I’m going to work in my office for a bit.”

Dean looked up and smiled. “We’re okay. Thank you, Daddy.” He said.

Castiel knew this was a thank you for everything that happened these last few days, not just for now. He could see it in Dean’s eyes.

“Come find me when Charlie leaves,” he said. “No pressure Charlie. Stay as long as you want. I’ll be in my office.”

Dean nodded and Charlie waved at him without even looking at his face. She was too wrapped up in a Marvel comic to notice.

Castiel shook his head and went into his office, but not to work.

He called the number Bobby gave him.

“Yes, hello, is this the practice of Ellen Harvelle? I’d like to book an appointment please.”

Chapter Text

Ellen Harvelle’s office looked like a home. Castiel couldn’t think of a different word. Dark wood paneled walls, two Chesterfield sofas and even a children’s corner, complete with play mat and baby items. When Castiel had spoken with Dr. Harvelle, they agreed on meeting each other first to talk about Dean and what Castiel’s questions and expectations were.

That morning, Castiel had driven Dean to Bobby’s for his first day. Dean had his Big clothes on with one of his favourite t-shirts. It said, “Come to the dark side, we have π”. Perfect for his pie loving baby. He wore a dark blue onesie underneath to hide his diaper. Dean had been excited and had woken up early, making an elaborate breakfast for them just to pass the time.

Bobby had greeted the pair warmly, showing Dean to the Plymouth immediately. Dean had been thrilled when he saw it; this was going to be a long project, something that he could pour all his energy into. The car was basically a carcass; Castiel could’ve sworn there was even something growing in it. He wasn’t sure if it was a plant or a fungus, but Dean didn’t seem to care. He could only see what the car was going to become and so did Bobby. The two talked about what needed to happen, Bobby obviously impressed by Dean’s knowledge.

Dean knew Castiel was going to see Dr. Harvelle. They had talked about it the night before, Castiel explaining that he wanted to meet with her first; to see if she would be a good fit. This had to do with his overprotective side, but Dean understood and didn’t mind one bit. Castiel knew Dean wasn’t really keen on the idea of her, but he had to see this through, for both their sakes.

After giving Dean a hug and a kiss, and advising Bobby about dozens of things regarding Dean, the old man finally kicked him out. “Don’t worry about the boy, he’s fine. Now go to Ellen’s, go on. I’ll call ya if anything happens. If not, pick him up at four.”

And so here Castiel was, sitting on a sofa in Dr. Harvelle’s office, waiting for the woman to walk in. She did a few moments later, carrying two cups of coffee. The woman looked kind; soft, brown hair, warm eyes. A motherly feel that fit in with the rest of her practice.

“Good morning. You must be Mr. Novak?” she asks as she puts the coffee cups down. She shakes hands with him.

“Yes. Mr. Novak. Castiel. Uh. Castiel Novak.”

“You nervous?” she asked as she handed him his cup of coffee.

“A bit.” Castiel said as he watched her sit down.

“Why?”

Why indeed? he thought to himself. He was here to get help. She could help make things better. Right?

“Because this is all new for me.”

“It’s new for me too, we only just met. So, I guess that makes two of us, huh?”

Castiel hadn’t thought about that. She had a point.

They talked. Well, Castiel talked. Sometimes she would ask a question, which Castiel would answer as honestly as he could. As he answered, he thought of different things which he would say as well, every thought and worry from these last few months pouring out.

When the time was almost up, she summed up Castiel’s story, then asked if she had understood right.
She did, to Castiel’s surprise.

“I understand this has been a very intense relationship since the very start. You found him when he was at his most vulnerable. You seem to have made him trust you almost immediately, even when he was in his adult mindset. That’s commendable. You said you loved him and he loves you. That is the basis for a good relationship and I think that we can build on that.

“However, I do worry that being his sole caretaker puts too much pressure on you. Now, don’t get me wrong, it sounds like you are doing a good job, but you can’t take care of him 24/7 without time for yourself. I’m sure that, in time, you will build up a group of friends that could help you with that. You’ve already mentioned Benny and he’s a sweet man. He’s helped taken care of Dean before. Ask him if he would be willing to babysit Dean sometimes, just so you can get some time for yourself. This is not a bad thing Castiel. You opting to spend some time away from him will make the time you two do have together, that much more enjoyable. I think Dean would profit from a happy and relaxed father, wouldn’t you?”

As Ellen finished her speech, Castiel realized she was right. He was essentially a single parent and Dean wouldn’t gain anything from Castiel being grumpy and/or exhausted most of the time. There was only so much he could give before he needed to recharge his own batteries. He decided to talk to Benny this coming Sunday about this.

Castiel knew he would already profit from Dean’s days at Bobby’s (and so would Dean); he would be alone all day and have more time to focus on his work, if he wanted to. He was so lucky to have inherited his parents’ money and home. He wasn’t obligated to do a set amount of hours every week and he had no deadlines on his latest translating project. If he wanted to, he could hang around on the sofa all day.

Not that he was going to do that, but that was beside the point.

“I think I could make that work.”

“Good. Now, the next appointment, I’d like to see Dean. It doesn’t matter if he’s in his adult mindset or not.”

Castiel made the appointment with her, then left with instructions from Ellen to give her regards to Benny.

~*~

Dean enjoyed working on the Plymouth. She was in bad shape, but he was sure he could make her run. Working on the car, he tried to forget all about his surroundings, prompting Bobby to get him for coffee and lunch. When it was almost the end of the day, he was feeling a bit antsy.

He had been Big and acting Big this whole time. He hadn’t had a cuddle or physical contact and he missed it. When he was at home and Big, he could still cuddle up to his Daddy or play with his toys. When Bobby retrieved him to eat lunch with Aaron and Garth, Dean had wanted nothing more but to take Bobby’s hand as they walked over. He didn’t do it, even though he knew Castiel had told Bobby about Dean’s craving for touch. He didn’t want to impose or make Bobby feel like doing something he didn’t want to.

It would look silly if he was holding hands, right?

Garth was cool though; he had given Dean a short hug when he had first come in, and one again at lunch, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted to cuddle.

When he had excused himself to ‘his’ room to change his diaper, he stayed long after he was finished, cuddling with the teddy bear on the sofa. Bobby came in after he had been there a while and ruffled his hair, then asked if Dean wanted him to call Castiel.

Dean shook his head; he was a Big boy now and wanted to make his Daddy happy. He could be Big for a few more hours and then cuddle up with his Daddy tonight.

When lunch was over, he was feeling irritated and couldn’t really focus on the car. Deciding to put that frustration to work, he used his hammer to try and even out some massive dents in the chassis. After about two hours, Bobby checked up on him again. Dean wa s sweating and shaking, tears threatening to fall, but he blinked them back every time.

Bobby took one look and held out his hand. “Come with me, boy.”

Dean looked at Bobby and then at the hand held before him. He took it, and Bobby walked them over to Dean’s room.

Bobby sat on the sofa and patted his lap. “Sit.”

Dean stood before him and hesitated. The man was always a bit gruff, and even though Castiel had said he was a kind man, he didn’t know if Bobby really accepted him for who he was.

“I ain’t gonna hurt ya, boy. You look like you need it, ‘s all.”

Well, that was true, and Dean sat down slowly. Bobby’s arms went around him and Dean melted into them almost immediately. Bobby sat back and Dean was breathing in Bobby’s scent, which was a mix between motor oil and Old Spice. Strangely soothing.

“Your Daddy called, said ya might be feeling this way. Guess I was a bit blind for not seeing it myself. So, we’re gonna sit here until your Daddy shows up.”

Dean felt so relieved. Castiel knew he had been feeling this way and had made sure that Dean was taken care of. “Thank you…” he whispered.

“Don’t thank me boy. I took care of your Daddy when he was young, now I take care of you. I guess that’s what old folk do nowadays.”

“You took… care of… Daddy?” Dean asked as he yawned. His body wasn’t used to doing manual labor this long anymore.

“Sure did. You ask him about that, cause it ain’t my story to tell. I think you should know his story. Why he is the way he is.”

Dean snuggled closer to Bobby, the man was shorter and fatter than his Daddy, the torso of the man incredibly soft and pudgy. Dean liked it.

“Will do Bobby…” he mumbled, sleep taking him in.

“Go on now, sleep. Might take a nap myself.”

There wasn’t a pacifier in sight, and he felt a bit silly asking for one, so his good old reliable thumb made an appearance. After putting the digit in his mouth, he was away in seconds. He felt his diaper go warm, but he didn’t care. He was happy right where he was.

~*~

Castiel walked in to find Bobby asleep with Dean on his lap. Give it to the old man to fall asleep too.
He chuckled and walked over, seeing his suspicions confirmed. He knew Dean probably wouldn’t have been able to keep up his Big behavior all day long, but he didn’t want Dean to think he couldn’t.

If he had suggested half days first, Dean would’ve felt like he wasn’t ready at all yet. Dean wanted to be Big for this, so Castiel let him. However, making the call to Bobby and ask him to check on Dean had been the right one.

He could see it in Dean’s body language; the boy completely curled up to Bobby, as much as he could, sucking his thumb and holding on to Bobby’s shirt. Carefully he felt the diaper to check, and just as expected, it was full.

Quietly he put out the things to change his boy, then walked over again, waking Bobby up. Dean was too far gone and would probably sleep right through the changing and the car ride.

Bobby woke up and seemed to forget where he was for a second, until he noticed Dean still in his lap.

“Morning, Bobby.” Castiel grinned.

Bobby grunted a ‘shut up, idjit’ before looking at the boy in his lap. “Well, he’s out like a light.”

Castiel carefully took Dean out of Bobby’s hold and laid the sleeping boy down. Bobby stayed on the sofa, stifling a yawn and rubbing his face. “I should have these naps more often.“

“You’re getting old, Bobby.”

“Wrong. I’m already old, boy.”

Castiel grinned at that, as he pulled down Dean’s jeans and boxers. After unsnapping the onesie he took off the diaper. Bobby held out the bin for him and he threw the diaper in.

“Sorry about that. I could’ve changed him but he was just about to fall asleep. And I don’t know if he would’ve let me seeing as he’s supposed to be Big.”

“It’s okay Bobby, I understand. How was he today?”

“He did good. Got a bit antsy around lunch. Found him here snuggling with that teddy bear. Guess I should’ve seen it coming, huh?” Bobby asked as he kept close watch on the door, not wanting anybody to come in when Dean was exposed.

“Maybe we should put a lock on that for moments like this,” Castiel said as he followed Bobby’s eyes to the door. Even though customers wouldn’t come in, a very active Garth bustling through the door would’ve woken Dean up for sure.

Castiel cleaned Dean and put on a clean diaper, then got the boy back in his clothes. Dean was still fast asleep, and Castiel wouldn’t have expected anything different. That boy could sleep through a storm.

“Yeah. I’ll put a lock on it tonight. Listen, Cas…”

“…Yeah?”

“Are you going to tell Dean about when you were a kid? You should.”

Unexpected, but okay. “Yeah. I think he’s ready for it, Bobby.”

“Thought so.”

As Castiel stood up he had pulled Dean up with him, hoisting the boy up under his armpits. After settling one arm around his back and the other under Dean’s butt, Bobby gave him his diaper bag and sent Castiel home.

“I’ll empty the bin and clean up. I’m sorry Cas, I shoulda seen the signs too. I’m a damn idjit for being so blind.”

“Don’t worry about it Bobby. Just remind yourself that Dean needs the hugs and holding hands. He wants to be Big so bad sometimes, but he can’t keep it up if he doesn’t get some love in between. Took me some time to figure that one out, too.”

~*~

Dean didn’t wake up until Castiel was carrying him inside. For a brief moment, he wondered how he went from sitting in Bobby’s lap to being in his Daddy’s arms, but he didn’t mind one bit. That was the great thing about having such a wonderful Daddy: you didn’t have to worry about when it all got too much.

If Bobby hadn’t said that Castiel would be there soon, he would’ve probably regressed. Just knowing that somebody would take care of him, even though he was supposed to be Big, felt secure and safe.

Daddy laid him down on the sofa, and he was still a bit groggy. Turning around for a bit of tummy time, he snuggled up to one of the pillows as he heard his Daddy going back to the car. All of a sudden, the sofa dipped and he could feel two paws on his back and felt a large tongue swipe at his neck.

“Awww Jax! Stop it!” he giggled, but the dog was having fun with this game, and licked him all over.
Dean giggled and squealed, Jax’ tail dangerously close to the coffee table and knocking over a vase.

“Jax! Down!” his Daddy said in a strict voice, and Dean was suddenly freed from the two paws holding him in place.

“So that’s it huh? You like Dean better than me? Even though I spent the afternoon playing ball with you?” Castiel asked the dog in a mocking voice.

He could hear Daddy walking towards the kitchen, and Jax following him.

Dean was feeling very comfortable and let sleep pull him under some more. His Daddy must have changed his diaper while they were still at Bobby’s, because he was dry. Good. He hated it when he had a soggy diaper.

What felt like just seconds later, Daddy woke him up. Dean sat up and rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands. “Wha…?” he asked.

“Dinner. Potatoes, spinach and meatballs. A true treat.”

Dean scrunched his face when he heard the word spinach, but didn’t say a thing. He was lucky to even have someone that cooked for him at all. And besides, not every evening could be as delicious as it was last Sunday. Dean had decided he loved grilled fish. More specifically, Benny’s grilled fish.

The two men watched television as they ate, Dean finishing his plate first, hungry as could be after a hard day’s work. As soon as Castiel set his plate down too, Dean scooted over and nearly plastered himself over his Daddy like the overgrown Koala he aspired to be. Daddy grabbed the throw blanket from the side of the sofa and pulled it over them.

“What’s up baby boy?” his Daddy asked him.

“I’m still hungry. And tired.”

“How about I give you a bottle later on? You always sleep well on a bottle when you’re Little. It’s no doubt the same when you’re Big. After that an early night?”

“Yeah… Daddy?”

“Yes Dean?” His Daddy asked as he stroked Dean’s back through the blanket, absentmindedly watching whatever was on the television.

“Maybe, I thought… we could, or, I could… because the Big room is so… ‘big’, and, well, it’s not that I don’t like, you know, having two rooms, or, well…”

Daddy pulled Dean up so he was sitting with his back to his Daddy’s chest. Daddy began rubbing Dean’s stomach, and oh God, that felt good. Instant relaxation. “Why don’t you take a deep breath for me, okay? Just ask me what you want to ask me. I think you know by now I would never judge you.”

“But it’s just that I could be Big if I wanted to. I did it all day today!”

Castiel kissed him on top of his head. “I know. I’m very proud of you baby boy. You do know, however, that when you’re home, with me, you don’t have to be Big? Maybe that would make it easier to be Big when you’re at Bobby’s? Knowing you don’t have to be at home? It’s hard for you to be Big for extended periods of time,” Castiel’s tone told Dean that his Daddy knew full well where he was going. He just wanted Dean to ask it.

He could do that.

“Donwannasleepinbigroom…”

“Dean. Slower.”

“Don’t want to sleep in Big room anymore. Not ever.” Dean said as he hid under the blanket. He felt his Daddy’s chuckle.

“Where is Dean?” he asked in a playful voice. Dean’s mind immediately buzzed with happiness. He liked games.

“Not here!” he yelled as he burrowed in further, turning his body around and hiding his face between his Daddy’s back and the sofa.

“Where’s my Big boy? If I don’t find him, then oh dear… I won’t be able to give him his bottle. Or bring him to his crib. What am I going to do?!”

Dean giggled and tried to scoot in further, but Castiel had turned around as well and was now pulling on the blanket. He grabbed Dean from behind, both arms around the boys’ waist and rolled over again, Dean toppling over him, letting his head fall back so it fell over Castiel’s shoulder.

Castiel turned his head and blew a raspberry in Dean’s neck, causing the boy to shriek out with excitement and kick his legs in the air.

“Dahaaadyyyy… stoohohooppp….” He tried to say in between giggles, and just because he could, Castiel blew another raspberry. Dean squirmed and… accidentally farted. He stilled for a moment, then burst out in laughter, Daddy pretending to choke on the smell of it.
“Stinks so bad Daddy!” Dean said between his bursts of laughter, as Daddy pretended to faint and let his upper body fall on top of Dean’s belly.

Dean ruffled Castiel’s hair and then Daddy looked up; a smile on his face.
“No more beans for you.” Dean looked shocked and Daddy grinned.

After they had both calmed down, Castiel sat up a bit, ushering Dean in his lap. “So, you want to help me, fart monster?” Castiel asked.

Dean poked Castiel in the belly for that nickname. He frowned. “Help you do what?”

“Put your Big clothes in the Nursery.”

“Yes!” Dean yelled and stood up quickly, pulling Castiel with him. Dean took Castiel’s hand and practically dragged his Daddy towards his Big room.

~*~

After moving Dean’s Big stuff to the nursery, which luckily had plenty of room in the large closets, Dean helped Castiel to make the bed and clear up a bit in his old Big room. He was relieved he didn’t have to sleep there anymore when he was Big. The room felt too big, too cold and impersonal. There was too much space.

In his crib, he was safe, a sectioned off little area filled with his toys and his blankie. Even though he knew the wooden bars wouldn’t hold off any real danger, it felt secure and he would fall asleep in seconds. In his Big room it could take up to two hours. He never told his Daddy that, but lately he hadn’t been sleeping in his Big room that much, so the issue hadn’t really come up.

His nightmares were less; when he was in his crib they were basically non-existent. He worried though; worried that as he would dredge up the things from his past, by seeing Dr. Harvelle, that he would relive those memories at night. He wasn’t looking forward to that.

“Daddy?”

“Yes sweetheart?” Daddy asked as he put on a new pillow cover.

“How did it go with Dr. Harvelle?”

Castiel looked at him and smiled. “It went well. She’s a nice woman. Straight, honest answers. I think she means well. I’ve made an appointment for next week. She wants to see you, whether you are regressed or not. It’s good if she could see both sides of you.”

Dean sat down on the now made bed, and Castiel sat beside him. “That’s good I guess. I guess I’m nervous.” He said.

“I’d be surprised if you weren’t, baby boy,” his Daddy replied as he put an arm around Dean’s shoulder.
“She was very perceptive. Told me some truths about me, too.”

“Like what?”

“Like how I need to take care of myself too. I can’t be a good Daddy if I’m always tired or grumpy, can I?”

Dean grinned. “You’re funny when you’re grumpy.”

“When you’re Big you think so. But when you’re Little, you don’t understand why I’m grumpy sometimes. We can’t have that, can we?”

Huh. Dean never thought of it that way, but he understood. Little Dean would think it was his fault that his Daddy was grumpy.

Castiel went on. “So, I’m going to ask someone, probably Benny, to babysit you once in a while. Just for a morning or an afternoon. Most parents can take turns sometimes, I’m a single parent. I always worry about you Dean, even when you’re at the garage. Heck, even when you’re here with me. And I’ll probably still worry when you’re out and about, but it’s good to get myself rested so I can give you my full attention when I want. Which is, let’s face it, always. When you work at the garage, I work too. But having someone else take care of you once in a while is good for you, and good for me.”

Dean sighed. He knew where his Daddy was coming from but to hear it like this still felt like a burden. His facial expression must have given it away, because his Daddy knew exactly what he was thinking.

“Stop it. Stop it right now, Dean. This is not your fault ; do you understand me? This is me. This is how my mind works. And I love you so much, sometimes I forget to take care of myself.

“Couldn’t I help you with that though? When I’m Big?” Dean whispered.

“Oh honeybee, you already do. You bring me my sandwiches when I’m working, right? You take care of Jax when I’m holed up in my office? All those little things Dean; that’s more than enough.”

Feeling a bit relieved, Dean nodded and turned to hug his Daddy.

They sat there for a bit, the silence was comfortable and Dean felt really sleepy. It was almost time for that bottle. One last thing though. “Daddy. Can you tell me about when you were a kid?”

He felt Daddy tense up a bit, but when Dean rubbed Daddy’s back, he relaxed. “Okay. Want me to tell you while I give you your bottle?”

“I’m a Big boy I can hold my own bottle…” Dean said as he turned away.

“But do you want to?” Castiel asked softly.

Well, Daddy had a point there. He didn’t really want to. Lately, he wanted his Daddy to do all those things. Even when he was Big. He noticed that if he let himself go, his regressions would lessen, or be shorter.

“No, I uh… I like it when you give me it.”

“That’s settled then.”

~*~

Castiel went downstairs to make a bottle for Dean. The boy stayed upstairs, and when Castiel walked into the nursery Dean had already gotten out of his Big clothes and laid out his footied onesies to sleep in and a clean diaper. When Dean laid down on the changing mat, Castiel helped him out of the onesie and cleaned him.
Taking the ‘glow in the dark’ pacifier, he slid it into Dean’s mouth, seeing as the thumb had made a reappearance (he didn’t want the skin on the thumb to break), then put him in clean diapers and his nighttime clothing. He picked the boy up and sat down in the rocking chair, taking out the pacifier and grabbing the bottle he had set ready in the windowsill.

He put the rubber nipple to Dean’s mouth and sighed. “Now, this is a bit of a long story. Don’t fall asleep yet, you hear?”

Dean blinked and nodded as best he could, his hands in his lap and his eyes looking up curiously at his Daddy. He was suckling hard, because the liquid apple pie that was his milk, was a favorite. Dean could get used to getting a bottle when he was Big, too.

“I was seven when I first met Bobby. My parents were… deeply religious. They were not nice people. When we were out and about in town one day, I saw a bee. I love bees. I followed it because I wanted to see a beehive. The bee led me to Bobby’s garage. You see, I didn’t really have a bond with my parents, so I forgot all about them. The only thing I cared about was getting to see a beehive, but Bobby talked me out of it. I shouldn’t be wandering on my own.

“Bobby let me sit in his office, on that sofa that’s now in your room. When my parents came by and asked them if he had seen me, he took me to them. I was terrified. I knew they were going to be mad. My mother was one to use words, but my father could get physical. I started crying and that’s when Bobby knew.

“He had to let me go though. They were my parents. My father grabbed me by the arm, and Bobby told him off, but… it was my father. He took me home and… well. That’s all I say about that.”

Dean had almost finished his bottle, but sleep wasn’t pulling him in yet. This story was too compelling and Dean had been waiting for this. He turned so he was facing his Daddy, then snuggled up to him.

“Ever since that day, I went to Bobby’s after school or on the weekend. My parents thought I was out playing with friends, but I was always at Bobby’s. I never had much interest in cars, but Bobby would let me sit on the sofa, read all the books I got from the library. It was my safe little place. Later on, in my teens, I helped him with the bookkeeping, the mail and ordering things for the shop.

“When I was in my teens, I noticed I didn’t have the same… emotions as others. I was never sexually attracted to another person, man or woman. I experimented. Got a few adult magazines, tried to… please myself… and on one such an occasion, my father came in my room. To this day I wish the bedrooms had locks back then.

“He punished me. Kept telling me it was a sin to look at naked people in magazines, to touch myself. He dragged me over to the water and held me under. Apparently he wanted to ‘cleanse’ me. That’s why, to this day, I’m not very comfortable in the water. At the seaside, sure… but you may have noticed I wasn’t okay on the boat that day.”

“It’s okay Daddy…” Dean whispered, tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry he hurt you.”

“Yeah, me too buddy. But, you know, there is a silver lining to this story…” Castiel sniffed as he tried to smile through his own tears.

Dean just looked up expectantly.

“I went to live with Bobby after that. My father nearly drowned me, then left me there on the sand, gasping for air. That’s when I swore I would never go back to them. Bobby took me in when I was sixteen and I lived there until my parents died. They never even contacted me.

“I was still in their will. When they died in a car crash, they left me all their money and this home. I only agreed to accept it, because Bobby told me I was a fool not to. Their money could help me with doing what I wanted, college and such. I donated an amount of their money to causes they wouldn’t have agreed with, just to spite them, even though they were already six feet under. It took me a while, but I have finally let them go, I think. The occasional nightmare happens, but in the end I think I turned out okay."

Dean nodded and grinned widely as he looked up to his Daddy. "You're more than okay. You're my Daddy!"
Castiel chuckled and stroked a hand through Dean's hair. He continued his story.

“At first I didn’t want to be here, in this house. Too many memories. But then, I thought, I could make this place my own. And I did. Completely remodeled everything. There's almost nothing here that reminds me of my parents anymore. This place is... me. I lived here for a couple of years until I met you. And now… now it’s finally a family home. And in the end, that's all I ever wanted. A family. And for that, I want to thank you, Dean.”

Dean yawned and then smiled at Castiel. “I’m happy you’re happy now Daddy.”

“I’m happy too, sweetheart.”

Castiel stared out the window for a while, seeing nothing but his own reflection. A father with his son. When he felt the weight in his arms get heavier, he looked down, to see Dean asleep, the empty bottle laying on his tummy. Carefully, he put the bottle on the windowsill and started rocking the chair, humming a tune. Halloween and Thanksgiving were coming up, and he knew he wanted to have a real ‘family style’ celebration this year. He was going to invite the people that were close to him now, hoping they could give him and his son a feeling of home.

Chapter Text

Halloween was just a couple of days away.

Castiel was excited; Charlie was going to come over, and Benny too.

Dean and Castiel had decided to be Batman and Robin. Well, it was more that Dean had insisted on Castiel being Batman; he had the low voice and the posture, apparently. Dean had hunted for costumes and Castiel had whined when he saw his outfit. It had cat ears. Those weren’t bat ears, he was sure.

He hoped his boy would enjoy Halloween. Knowing he was comfortable with Charlie and Benny though, Castiel didn’t see any complications. It had been a few days since Castiel had told him his childhood story, and Dean had been so sweet to him these last couple of days. Not that he wasn’t sweet before, but he was more attentive to Castiel whenever he was Big.

Today, Dean was at the garage. He had been Big for two days now, and this morning he kept going on and on about the Plymouth and how he was getting along. He loved working at Bobby’s and hadn’t regressed at work yet. That’s right. Yet.

Castiel had just finished a chapter of translation when his phone chimed. 'Babytime.' It said.

Rushing out, Castiel grabbed his diaper bag and car keys. Dean’s first regression at Bobby’s. He wondered what triggered it.

~*~

Bobby had his attention on paperwork and all of a sudden heard Garth yell ‘’Nooo!”

As he looked up he saw Dean was about to put a wrench in his mouth. An oil covered, rusty wrench. He was sitting on the ground, surrounded by tools and sharp objects. What in the…

Garth ran over quickly and got the wrench out of Dean’s hands. The boy had looked up angry that his toy was gone and started to cry.

Bobby walked out immediately, seeing Garth was already cuddling the boy and whispering soft words to him.
The old man got out his ancient cellphone and texted Cas.

Babytime.

It was the word they’d agreed on when this would happen. Bobby crouched down beside the pair and looked at Dean. He was nervous, because this was the first time Dean had regressed while he was at work.

“Come with me boy?” he asked, trying not to sound scary. He was told his ‘old man voice’ was sometimes a bit intimidating and he didn’t want Little Dean to fear him.

“Daddy…” Dean sobbed, gripping Garth’s coveralls.

“I know, kiddo. Daddy’s coming soon.”

Bobby and Garth exchanged a glance and Garth let go of Dean. While he picked up the tools, Bobby considered how he was going to do this. His old back wasn’t fit to carry Dean. He should’ve thought of this sooner.

“Aaron, Garth! How can we get Dean to his room?” He yelled out.

Aaron had been looking at them the entire time, unsure of what was expected of him. He came over immediately though, and looked expectantly at Bobby.

“Well? Got any ideas? I sure as hell ain’t strong enough to carry him.” Bobby explained.

Aaron looked at Dean, then looked over at the wheelbarrow Bobby had standing next to one of the garage doors. They used it sometimes to carry heavy engine parts from storage. He pointed at the wheelbarrow.

“You want to put Dean in a wheelbarrow?” Bobby asked.

Aaron smiled a bit and shrugged. He pointed at Dean, then at the wheelbarrow.

“Well… it ain’t the stupidest thing I heard. Let’s try it.”

Dean, meanwhile, was sitting on the floor, still sniffling a bit, but looked intrigued as Aaron’s hands worked to tell Bobby things.

Aaron walked over to the wheelbarrow then sat it down alongside Dean. Aaron picked him up with a small grunt, then placed him in it. Garth stood by and watched, eyes filled with mirth.

“He likes it! Look!” he exclaimed.

And indeed, Dean was grinning ear to ear, and smiled even bigger when Aaron started rolling him towards his room. Both hands held on to a side and he was looking around, like a prince being moved in a carriage.

Garth took a picture with his phone. “I’ll show this to Dean next time.” he said.

When they got to his door, it was Aaron who picked him up and was able to carry him the short distance to his play mat. He talked to Little Dean, making sure he was comfortable and happy.

Bobby was the one assigned to diaper changes, if necessary.

The old man walked over slowly, then patted Dean’s diaper. He could smell it, too. Bobby was at a bit of a loss. He knew what he needed but this was a first.

It ended up being Aaron who changed him. Bobby was trying to distract Dean as Aaron cleaned him up, and Bobby couldn’t be more grateful. Aaron would talk to Little Dean, but not to Bobby. Not much, at least. Aaron was good at this, Bobby noticed. He was quick and efficient, and Dean never once looked uncomfortable.

“You’re something special Aaron.” Bobby said gruffly as the younger man pulled up Dean’s pants. The coveralls were discarded in the corner; it had been hell trying to get those off.

Aaron shrugged and looked at Bobby as if to say, ‘What else would I do?’

~*~

Castiel walked over to Dean’s room in Bobby’s garage and was happily surprised by the sight he saw as he entered. Garth was still in the garage, but the other two (well, three) employees were sitting on the sofa.

Dean was in Aaron’s lap as Aaron read Dean a book. Bobby sat on the other side, his head resting on a hand, almost asleep.

The little boy was enchanted by the story and didn’t even notice that someone had opened the door. Castiel stood there for a bit, looking at the boy and wondering how he got so lucky. Many people wouldn’t have understood Dean, but these men all took care of him and did even more than expected.

Castiel waited until Aaron had finished the book and then cleared his throat. Aaron looked up and blushed, like he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t have.

Dean just gasped and shrieked. “Daddy!!”

Castiel walked over and scooped the boy up, who snuggled into him. “Daddy! Pigssss!”

Castiel chuckled. “Yes baby, pigs! It’s a book about farm animals. Did you like Aaron reading it to you?”

“Uh huh,” Dean nodded.

Aaron had put the book down and stood up, hands in his pockets.

“Thank you, Aaron. It means a lot that you would do that for Dean.”

Aaron nodded and looked at the floor.

“Dean, want to thank Aaron before we go home?”

Dean looked over at the younger man and hummed. Aaron looked up and saw that Dean was expecting him to come over, making grabby hands.

~*~

After Dean had given Aaron a sloppy kiss on his cheek, and Castiel woke Bobby up to thank him, they left for home. They spent the afternoon playing in the nursery, toys now scattering the floor and Castiel trying to teach Little Dean how to crawl. It was more like Dean dragging his lower body with him, but it kinda worked. Castiel wondered if he’d have to teach Dean all over again next time he regressed. Then again; Little Dean remembered Castiel as his Daddy and other things too; so he would most likely remember.

After a diaper change, Castiel walked out of the nursery to start up a load of laundry. Dean had been put on the floor again and he had given him some plush toys to play with.

He ran back when he heard a thump and a scream a few moments later. “Dean!” he exclaimed as he saw his boy on the floor, face covered in blood and crying.

Dean was laying next to the dresser, a bloody cut over his eyebrow as he cried.

Castiel walked over and cradled Dean’s head in his hands, trying to examine it. It was a cut right above his left eyebrow. It was small, but deep and the blood coming out of it made it seem a lot worse than it was.

A quick look around explained what happened. The boy had been trying to pull himself up, but when he couldn’t hold on anymore, he bumped his head to the edge of the dresser.

Trying to be calm instead of running around like a chicken, because that would agitate his boy even more, Castiel picked him up and walked over to the bathroom, setting Dean down in the empty tub. After grabbing a washcloth and wetting it with some lukewarm water, he gently cleaned the boy’s face. Dean was still sniffling, but Cas’ calm behavior seemed to rub off on him.

Thank God.

It was a deep gash, and although it wasn’t long, it would likely need stitches. He wondered how he was going to do that. A doctor wouldn’t come over for something like this, but to take Little Dean into a doctor’s practice would be… new.

He decided to call Benny, because it seemed Benny always knew what to do.

“Hey brother, what’s cooking?”

“Can you help me with something?”

Benny chuckled and replied. “Anytime. What’s up?”

“Dean fell and hit his head. I think it needs stitches. I just don’t know how to take him to a doctor without other people freaking out.”

“Well, I know the local doctor.”

“So do I.” Castiel stated. He’d been to Dr. Turner’s practice since he was young, but that was for himself. This was with an adult baby.

“Dr. Turner is a gruff man, but he’s good. Want me to come with?”

Castiel sighed with relief. At least he wouldn’t have to face this alone. “If it’s not inconvenient…”

“Never. I’ll come pick you up in five.”

Castiel called ahead to the doctor’s office to let them know they were on their way. The much too chipper assistant said they’d have a room ready for him after Castiel explained Dean was no ordinary patient. He hadn’t explained further, but decided to just let it happen and see how they would react.

Benny arrived shortly after that. When he saw Dean he immediately went for the boy, picking him up and cradling him close. Dean was a bit subdued, not quite knowing how to handle the situation. “What’d you do Lil’ Man? Bumped your head?”

Dean sniffled and Benny started rocking him a bit. “Uncle Benny’s here Lil’ Man. Me and your Daddy gonna take you to the doctors, see what’s up.”

Castiel smiled as he heard Benny call himself ‘Uncle Benny’. It was good to know that Benny considered himself family, because Dean did, and so did Castiel. He made sure he’d mention that to Benny soon.
Castiel then gathered the things he needed and closed the front door on a whining Jax, who did not like Dean being upset. “We’ll be back soon boy.”

~*~

Castiel carried Dean inside, Benny following him, distracting the boy with silly faces.

The doctor’s assistant, Becky, according to her nametag, opened her eyes wide when she saw an adult man carrying another adult man in a onesie and the most adorable Finding Nemo socks. Castiel had bundled Dean up good, it was getting very cold.

“Uh…” was all she managed to get out.

Castiel sighed and rolled his eyes. “I called, earlier? Dean hit his head and it’s still bleeding quite a bit.” He said as he dabbed the gash with a now very red washcloth.

Becky blinked and shook her head. “So that’s what you meant with ‘no ordinary patient’….?”

“Yes.”

She gathered herself then, cleared her throat and stood up. “If you gentlemen could follow me please.”

Castiel raised his brows, but was thankful she was being professional now. She led them to a small room and told them to wait for Dr. Turner. Castiel sat down on one of the chairs with Dean in his lap. Benny sat down beside them and looked around.

“Always hate how these places stink so much.”

Castiel was about to reply when an older man in a lab coat walked in.

He looked up from some paperwork. “Well, well, who do we have here? If it ain’t Mr. Lafitte! And Mr. Novak. And…”

“Dean. This is Dean. Dean is about two years old now,” Castiel stated, waiting to see Dr. Turner’s reaction.

Dr. Turner didn’t react to anything though, and just sat down in front of them. “What happened to Dean?” he asked Castiel as he slowly put a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

The boy looked at the doctor but didn’t try to shrug the hand off or pull away.

“Dean bumped his head.”

Dr. Turner looked at the boy and scooted closer. “Can I take a look, Dean?”

Dean didn’t reply, not that Castiel was expecting that, but did let Dr. Turner put his hands on his face. Dean clung a bit tighter to Castiel but didn’t seem scared.

The doctor looked at the gash closely and then smiled at Dean. “We’ll patch you up boy, don’t worry.”

And really, it didn’t take long at all. The injections for a local anesthesia were the only thing that made Dean upset, but after that everything was smooth sailing. Dr. Turner stitched him up, then pulled out a Tupperware box with children’s band-aids. Dean picked a Spiderman one and looked overjoyed when Dr. Turner showed it to him in the mirror.

While he had been stitching Dean up, Castiel, Benny and Dr. Turner had been talking. Castiel knew Dr. Turner knew Bobby, but didn’t know they met up every week and had been doing for years now.

“Yeah, I know you Mr. Novak. And I knew about Bobby taking in another boy at the garage, but I didn’t know it was Dean and what he has. But I’m guessing it’s the same thing Mr. Lafitte’s sister had?” he asked as he looked at Benny.

Benny confirmed and smiled. “Yep.”

“Why didn’t you tell me Dr. Turner also helped with you sister?” Castiel asked. He would’ve felt more at peace.

Benny smiled and looked at Castiel. “Because you need to trust people more. Don’t automatically assume people are going to look at you or Dean funny ‘cause of what he has. People are more open minded than you think brother.”

Castiel stayed silent and watched as Dr. Turner put the last stitch in.

He made it clear that he was not agreeing with Benny all the way, but he wasn’t that mad about it either. Benny had a point. Castiel’s fears about people rejecting Dean shouldn’t be the first thing he thought about in situations like these. Dean should come first, not other people’s opinions. His baby boy always came first.

~*~

The next day, Dean came out of his regression, disoriented. The last thing he remembered was sitting next to the Plymouth, making sure he had the right tools. He had been thinking about Halloween and was excited, but he had started to worry, about the amount of people that were coming and if he should be a Big boy then. Castiel told him that when he was at home he could be Little if he wanted, but if they had all these visitors, he should be Big, right? He should be helping Daddy with the food and setting the table and making sure everybody had something to drink and and and…

Right. That’s what made him regress in the first place. He didn’t want that. Plus, his head was throbbing. Reaching up, felt his head and winced. Damn that hurt. He was in his crib and it was probably his afternoon nap, he guessed, judging by the light coming out from under the curtains. What had happened?

He wanted his Daddy. He didn’t want to be Big now. He knew he had a couple of days until that moment came and right now, he was going to take what he could get. He wasn’t going to let Daddy know he was Big, even though he knew it would be fine to act Little. He didn’t want Daddy to know. He wanted his undivided attention.

So, he started to cry.

The door fully opened a few moments later, but it wasn’t Daddy who came in. It was Benny. Dean didn’t want Benny, he wanted his Daddy! Benny narrowed his eyes for a bit, and Dean wondered why, but he was too worked up to ask and didn’t want to be Big. The older man was smiling warmly though, and reached out for Little Dean.

“Dahaddy….” He wailed as Benny picked him up and started rocking him.

“Daddy’s asleep on the couch Lil’ Man… don’t worry Benny’s here.”

Dean was sobbing and heaving, not at all happy with how things were turning out. Benny cuddled him closer and Dean was too worked up to care, so he snuggled in and cried until he couldn’t anymore. When he had calmed down, Benny laid him down to change him.

He tried to put his thumb in his mouth, but Benny was a step ahead and slid in a pacifier before he could do so. As he was suckling and looking around the room, he was docile, letting Benny do his thing. The man was quick, he had to hand that to him. He was cleaned, powdered and in his sweat pants again before he knew it.

Benny carried him downstairs, walking over to the kitchen to get a snack. Dean squealed as he saw Benny grab some leftover pancakes. Once Benny had them ready, he walked over to the living room and sat down with Dean on his lap.

The chair they were sitting on faced the couch, where Castiel was laying on his side, fast asleep with his back towards them. Dean wanted to reach over but Benny held him back.

“He’s tired Lil’ Man. We’ll wake him up when you finish the pancakes, okay?” he whispered.

“Tired?”

“Yup. Now eat up.”

Benny gave him an ibuprofen and then fed him his pancake. Dean ate willingly, looking at the TV which had Paw Patrol on it with the volume on low.
Castiel never stirred and Dean was starting to feel a bit guilty. Why was Daddy so tired?

After finishing the pancakes, Benny wiped his face. “Want to wake Daddy up?”

“No…” Dean whispered back and turned to face Benny. “Tired.” He said, then pointed over at his Daddy.
He didn’t want to tell Benny he was Big, because he was still set on staying Little, but he didn’t want Castiel to miss any rest, especially because Dean had Benny now anyway. He liked Benny.

The man understood and kissed Dean’s forehead. “Yeah, let the old fella sleep.” He held Dean close as he walked over to the kitchen, then sat Dean down on his play mat. “You play here, I’ll get started on dinner for tonight.

They had a great afternoon. Dean playing and Benny occasionally playing with him. Dean always won when they were racing with the cars. Castiel woke right before dinner time, walking into the kitchen with his hair ruffled and a groggy face. An outline from the sofa’s cushion was still visible on his cheek.

“He’s not crying,” Castiel said with a frown. “Why is he not crying?”

“He cried when he woke up but calmed down quickly after that. He’s been playing here and having a fun time.”

Dean didn’t understand. Why would he have been crying? Unless his head ache had something to do with it. It was annoying, yes, but Big Dean could handle a head ache. However, Little Dean wouldn’t have… and would have cried. Making the head ache even worse.

He understood now. He’d been wearing his Daddy out in his Little time. Not that that was his fault; he understood that, but he did get that Daddy needed someone to help him from time to time. He couldn’t be more thankful for Benny right now.

Dean looked between the two men exchanging a meaningful glance and sighed. Jig’s up.

“Big boy.” He said between his pacifier as he pointed at himself.

Benny laughed. “I know Lil’ Man. Knew from the moment I walked into your room.”

Dean frowned. Bu t he thought he was an excellent actor?

Castiel smiled softly and walked towards Dean. Picking the boy up, he set him on his hip. “I don’t know how many times I need to tell you this before you believe me, Dean. I, or should I say, we,” he said as he looked at Benny, “know when you’re Big, but you don’t have to trick us into thinking you’re Little. Just say it. Just say you want to be Little. In this house, you can. Right, Benny?”

“That’s right Cas. So, Lil’ Man, dinner?”

Dean nodded and Castiel set him in his adult high chair. He even cut up his food. Dean asked some questions, something about a wheelbarrow (Castiel had no idea why Dean was thinking about a wheelbarrow) and a black man in a white coat. Castiel explained what happened and Dean knew Daddy felt guilty.

As Castiel put him to bed that night, he told Daddy that Daddy shouldn’t feel guilty about what happened. They cuddled and Castiel read him two books instead of one. One had pop up pictures and Dean shrieked with joy every time Castiel quickly turned a page.

~*~

It was Halloween. Dean’s head was healin g nicely and he would be getting the stitches out in about a week. He still had some headaches, but they weren’t as bad as before. He was Big now; but let inhibitions go, because it was Halloween and he was spending it with his three most favorite people. Castiel was relieved his boy was Big, because it meant he would remember this.

Benny had come around first and had cried with laughter as a grumpy Castiel had opened the door in his Batman outfit. Castiel only wore it because Dean had practically begged him too, but he made it very clear that he wasn’t comfortable in his ensemble. Especially, the cape.

Jax had been pulling on it whenever Castiel would swoosh the thing around and had even managed to tear it within the first five minutes. Dean loved it and Castiel loved that Dean loved it. The ears were still a thing, but he had decided to let it go.

The sailor stayed true to his name this Halloween, and was dressed as Popeye. He even brought a can of spinach (not that Dean was planning on eating that, the boy said as he spotted the tinned food). Charlie came by a while later, dressed as Han Solo, because, as she stated, ‘Gender roles are stupid.’ Dean agreed and thought she made a very good Han Solo. Castiel didn’t know who Han Solo was, so he couldn’t care less. She looked great. Dean reminded Castiel that he had introduced him to Star Wars, but to be honest, Castiel usually fell asleep during movietime or didn't really pay attention. Ah well. Charlie had brought along more comics and the two devoured them, sitting cross-legged on the floor while Benny and Castiel sat on the couch, Benny with a beer and Castiel with a glass of wine.

They wouldn’t go trick-or-treating. Dean didn’t want to and Castiel knew they’d only get weird looks or doors shut in their faces. Benny, Charlie and even Bobby had offered to let Dean come by their houses; Dean felt it was awkward and Castiel didn’t want to force his boy. Instead, they celebrated at home.

About half an hour in, as Castiel was just about to get up to get the treats from the kitchen (no kids came by because the house was so remote, which was a blessing in disguise ) he noticed Dean was getting a bit antsy. He’d been busy all day, first with the costumes, then going with Castiel to the supermarket and taking Jax out for a walk, that they hadn’t had a moment yet to sit down together, to have their cuddle time, or ‘chill-time’ as Dean would call it.

He was no longer reading the comics, even though Charlie was still focused on hers. He was looking around the room a bit, playing with the hem of his long sleeve t-shirt, wiggling his butt.

“Dean, do you need a change?” Castiel asked him.

Dean turned around, then turned to Charlie to see if she’d heard, but the red headed girl just looked up, then looked straight back down at her comic, not in the least bothered by what it implied. Dean squirmed some more and then emphatically shook his head no.

Castiel raised his eyebrows and looked at the boy, but said nothing, instead taking another sip of wine. Dean would let go, he was sure of it. A few moments later, Castiel knew the boy was fighting regression. He felt sorry for him, but knew that it was kind of expected. He hadn’t regressed in a couple of days and the excitement about the visitors would make his brain tell him that he needed to relax. As a two year old.

Dean’s hand went up to his mouth, the thumb tucked in immediately, and Benny chuckled. “Looks like Lil’ Man is joining us tonight.”

Dean immediately turned around and glared at Benny but didn’t release his thumb.

“Dean. Be nice.” Castiel stated. If Dean was unhappy he shouldn’t project that on others.

Charlie looked up now, facing Dean. “Are you going to eh… you know. Go baby now?”

Dean grumbled and shook his head. “Don’ wanna” he mumbled around his thumb.

“He can usually fight it off for about half an hour but then he’s full on baby,” Castiel said. “He wants to remember this because he looked forward to seeing you two.” Dean nodded at what Castiel said, not bothered by Castiel doing the talking.

Charlie looked like she was thinking hard, then stared at Dean. “How much time you got left?” she asked as she started to grin. Castiel didn’t like that grin. That was a bad news grin.

Dean looked puzzled, but replied. “I hofe twen mwinutes.” He drooled around the pacifier.

“That should be enough time. Let’s go stuff our faces!” she yelled, as she helped pull Dean up. Castiel sighed and looked at Benny.
Both men smiled, but followed the pair into the kitchen.

Charlie dumped the candy on the kitchen island and two sets of grabby hands went for it. Castiel ate some too, but didn’t want to get sick from eating too much. He also didn’t want Dean to eat too much because a stuffed Little Dean was no fun Little Dean. A puking Little Dean was even worse.

Castiel stood behind Dean, keeping his hands on the boy’s waist to keep him from falling over from the bar stool. He should’ve been in the high chair, but for now this would do. Making sure his boy only ate the soft candy he saw the regression happen before his eyes. His boy had let go at the first sight of fun. He nudged Benny in his shoulder and nodded towards Dean. Benny looked at the boy and smiled as he saw it happening, too.

Dean was now more playing with the food than actually eating it, his hands feeling the texture of the different kinds of candy and shrieking as he saw Charlie stuff her face. She looked like a giant hamster and Dean loved it. He was giggling in Castiel’s arms, leaning back in his Daddy’s embrace when he started getting tired.

A huge yawn was the sign they needed, Dean turning around and laying his head against Castiel’s chest, inadvertently smearing some of his candy red droo l on his Daddy’s shirt too. Castiel picked him up and told the boy that it was time for bed; hoping the sugar in his system wouldn’t interfere too much with Dean’s sleep rhythm.

Looking at Benny and Charlie he saw two different things. Benny was shuffling his feet a bit and looked at Dean with kind eyes. Charlie’s look was more curious; she had only seen Dean as a Little one time before, and that was for a very short while. An idea popped up and Castiel asked the two, “ Would you like to help me put him to bed?”

Both replies came simultaneously, Charlie a ‘heck yes!’ and Benny with a ‘everything for my Lil’ Man, brother’.

Castiel smiled and hoisted his boy up into his arms, Dean immediately snuggling close and nuzzling Castiel’s neck. It tickled.

“So, who does the diaper?” he asked, feigning innocence.

Charlie scrunched up her face and Benny laughed, “If you’re awake and able to do it, it ain’t me brother. Though I have perfected the art since I first changed him.”

Castiel lead the way, Dean looking over his shoulder curiously as Benny and Charlie followed them into the nursery.

He changed his boy out of the Robin costume and let Charlie pick out his pajamas. It turned out to be one of the newer ones, a Spiderman one. Dean grabbed it as soon as she held it up, Charlie a bit startled by how quick Little Dean could be if he wanted to.

Charlie helped getting Dean into the pajamas, then picked out a book to read to the boy. Benny pulled two chairs from the guestroom next door, and Castiel sat in the rocking chair with Dean on his lap, a bottle with just water for him, because Dean was still stuffed with candy.

Benny and Charlie took turns reading the book to Dean; the boy’s face lit up in a huge smile. As they were finishing up, his eyes had started drooping and he blinked slowly. The bottle was empty, and Castiel put it away. He slid in the pacifier and knew his boy was already out for the count. Castiel had to hold him tight to make sure he wouldn’t lose grip on the boy’s limp body.

Charlie and Benny said their goodbyes. Benny’s eyes were filled with warmth and he kissed Dean on the cheek. “’Night Lil’ Man. Happy Halloween!” Charlie mimicked Benny’s action and added a Vulcan peace sign for added effect. “Bye Dean!”

They left to go downstairs, Castiel laying his sleepy boy down in his crib. Dean looked so peaceful, pacifier in place and elephant in his hands. Castiel stroked his hair and kissed him goodnight before going downstairs.

Benny and Charlie stayed late; they talked about a lot of things, but mainly about Dean. Charlie said she would love to have playdates with him and Benny was more than willing to spend time with Dean so Castiel could have a moment to himself once in a while.

When Castiel brought up Thanksgiving and who he wanted to invite, they agreed and both said it was a great idea. Thanksgiving with them and Bobby and the crew. They would do it at Castiel’s house, it was the biggest one after all, and everybody could bring something for dinner.

Castiel would call Bobby first thing in the morning to ask, but he didn’t doubt that they would accept his invitation. He hoped Aaron would come too, because Dean and Aaron had something special. Maybe they could help each other, Castiel thought.

After seeing Charlie and Benny to the door, he let Jax out in the yard for a quick bathroom visit, then closed up and went to bed. He checked on Dean and the boy was still sleeping soundly. Good. He had been worried about a sugar rush, but the boy was dead to the world and drooling on his elephant. As he should be doing.

Chapter Text

Dean walked into his nursery. It was a few days after Halloween, he was Big again since this morning and had decided to do some chores around the house. Five minutes ago, he had picked up Jax’s water bowl to put fresh water in it, when it accidentally flipped over and wet his pants and socks. So much for wearing his favorite Big Bird socks today.

Dean sighed as he opened the drawer containing his Little clothes. He picked out some dinosaur sweatpants and his fluffy Cars socks. When he pulled off his jeans, he took his phone out of the back pocket. He pressed the button to see if there were any messages. There was a text from Sam.

Sam: Hey, just wanted you to know if you need someone extra to talk to today… I’m here. I know we’ve only been e-mailing, but I just wanted you to know that I hope Cas spoils you today. I know it’s hard, but you’ve got someone who will take care of you. Would you be able to give me Cas his number just in case?

Dean read the text a couple of times before he realized why Sam sent it. Checking the date on the phone he realized that today was the anniversary of his mother’s death. Huh. He hadn’t even realized it. Living with Cas was a distraction in itself.

He felt guilty. How could he have forgotten his mother so easily? Sure, he was only four when she passed away, so he never really knew her, but he had never forgotten November 2nd before. His mind was in turmoil; would he tell Cas about this or not? And if he did, what would he say? ‘Gee, thanks Cas, you’re such a great Daddy that I forgot for a moment what a shit son I am. I forgot about my own mother.’ Yeah, that would go down well.

What he needed right now, was just a little bit of comfort. Just half an hour. In his crib. Really. After that he could go see Daddy, and his Daddy would hug him, and things would be okay. Right?

Dean still had the phone clutched in his hand when he crawled into his crib. He put up the side of the crib himself. His little square of safety. He felt the regression coming on quickly, which didn’t surprise him; this was something that would trigger it. He’d be more surprised if he hadn’t regressed. He hoped Cas would check on him soon; his Daddy was working in his office but Dean figured Little Dean could be on his own for a couple of hours.

Dean curled up into a ball, phone discarded on the mattress, but elephant clutched tightly.

A small sob was heard then, and a quiet whisper. “Daddy…”

~*~

Castiel took off the reading glasses he used when working and rubbed his temples. This latest piece of translating work had been rough. He had to translate it to a modern dialect of Hebrew first, before he could translate to English. He’d been working at it nonstop. Dean had said he would make dinner, but the boy hadn’t been in yet. Dean had come out of regression this morning, and had brought him lunch and coffee during the day.

It was dark though and when he checked his watch he noticed it was seven pm. That was strange, because Dean said he would have dinner ready by six, and he hadn’t been in yet. When he came out of his office, he noticed that not a single light was on.

“Dean?” he called out. There was a response, but not from the boy. He could hear Jax’s paws scratching the tiles in the kitchen. When he walked in and turned on the lights, he looked around. Jax was laying down and looked up at Castiel with curiosity.

“Dean?!” he called out.

Still nothing.

He walked over to the baby monitor and activated the screen, eyes growing wide. His boy was in his crib, curled up. Castiel went to the nursery immediately, wondering how this could’ve happened. Dean was just fine this afternoon.

His son was asleep, but Castiel could tell that he had been crying. There were tear marks on his cheeks and the pillow was still wet. The boy was in all his clothes, except pants and socks. They were ready though, he saw them lying on the dresser. Dean’s phone was next to the pillow.

Not wanting to disturb him just yet, he took the phone and walked over to the dresser, getting everything ready for a bath, because he could smell his boy had soiled himself.

He wondered what triggered it and maybe the phone held the answer. He tapped on the home button and the screen lit up, displaying a message from Sam. It said something about today… but Castiel didn’t know anything special about the day.

Deciding he needed to know, for his baby boy’s benefit, he walked out of the nursery and called Sam on Dean’s phone.

“Dean?”

“No Sam, it’s Castiel. I just found Dean in his crib, probably regressed. He had come out of regression just this morning. I saw your message and I think that’s what triggered him. Can you explain?”

“Wait, he never told you?”

“Told me what, Sam?”

“Well… today, November 2nd, is the anniversary of our Mom’s death. She was killed in a house fire. I sent him that text to let him know I’d be there for him if he needed me.”

Castiel sighed. Dean had told him about his mother’s death, but never which date. Had Dean known it was coming? Or had he forgotten? “Okay, um… thanks, Sam. For letting me know. I need to go now.”

“Sure thing. Hey Castiel?”

“Yes Sam?”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Castiel said. He realized the ‘thank you’ was not just for this phone call, but he didn’t want to get into that with Sam right now. His son needed him. He hung up, and walked back. After getting the bath ready, he walked over to his boy and tried to wake him.

Castiel picked him up and rocked him, the sleepy boy nuzzling into him. “Wake up sleepyhead…” Castiel cooed, gently bouncing the baby boy.

“Daddy…” Dean mumbled, sighing deep.

Although Castiel could feel Dean’s legs weren’t working properly and the boy hadn’t mentioned his soggy diaper, he still felt he had to ask. Often he would see through Dean immediately, when he was just ‘acting’ Little. Now though, he wasn’t sure. “Dean, are you a big boy now?”

The only thing Dean said was another ‘Daddy’, and Castiel knew enough. His baby boy was very Little again. Just hours after coming out of it. Was this a step back?

They were supposed to meet Ellen tomorrow, so he could ask. Travelling with Little Dean was a hassle, maybe Benny could help. It had been a couple of days since they had seen Benny and Castiel knew the other man wouldn’t mind helping out.

Castiel went through the bathing routine with his boy. Undressing him, getting him in the tub and making sure his boy was squeaky clean. Dean played with his massive rubber duck with actual sunglasses; a present from Charlie. Castiel reminded himself to thank her for that.

Dean didn’t seem that upset anymore; tears weren’t falling and he was happily splashing about, giggling every time a bit of the water hit Castiel in the face. He pretended to be grumpy whenever that happened, which made Dean laugh even more.

After getting his son dressed, he went downstairs to make dinner. Dean happily shuffled around in his playpen, drooling and chewing on various items, while Castiel fixed mashed potatoes with carrots and gravy. After serving, it only took Dean five minutes to spread some of that onto the tray of the high chair and his forehead. Castiel sighed as he rested his head in his hand, the other hand holding out a spoon for his baby.

Dean took a huge bite and Castiel smiled as Dean grinned at him, the mix of mashed potato and carrots almost falling out again. Yuck. Scooping the stuff off Dean’s chin with the spoon, he guided it back in. “You need to finish it baby boy. Then we’ll get you a bottle and watch television for a bit, huh?”

Dinner was over soon enough, Jax eating some left-over carrots as well.

After fixing the bottle, he sat down with Dean in his lap, who turned into him immediately. Dean was regressed, but it wasn’t as if he was unhappy or hard to control. Dean could be a handful sometimes, but a full-on temper tantrum hadn’t happened. Yet. However, he suspected that when Dean felt more comfortable, temper tantrums would start as he began to push at boundaries, because even though he knew them when he was Big, it was a different story for when he was Little.

Dean still needed to know Castiel would be there for him if he was a bad Little Boy. But, he’d cross that bridge when they got to it.

~*~

“Hey Lil’ Man! Come to Uncle Benny!” Benny yelled as soon as he was through the door. Castiel closed the door behind him and saw the sailor walking up to the boy, who was currently in his play pen, surrounded by his stuffed animals.
Benny wasted no time and scooped the boy up, with such force that Dean went flying for a second.

Castiel’s eyes widened. “Be careful!! You could drop him!”

“Aw relax momma bear, he’s fine. Aren’t ya, Lil’ Man?” Dean only giggled, before he made grabby hands towards Benny’s beard. And yanked it. Hard.

“Ow Dean! Jeez Lil’ Man, a warning would be nice…” Benny murmured as he held Dean’s hand, urging him to let go. Dean seemed to realize he might have tugged a bit too hard and released his grip. He waited to see what Benny’s further response would be. Benny stroked his beard a few times before looking Dean in the eyes.

“Don’t do that again, ya hear?” he grumbled. Dean’s reply was to hide his face in Benny’s neck, and the sailor couldn't handle that. He rubbed Dean's back to let him know he wasn't that upset about it.

Castiel snickered and walked over to the table to grab the diaper bag and his keys. Benny was going to drop them off at Dr. Harvelle’s office and pick them up, too. Benny said he had some business in town so it wouldn’t be a bother.

All three were in town quickly. Benny dropped him off and would be back in an hour. Castiel wondered how Ellen would react to Little Dean. He had heard nothing but good things about her, so he wasn’t that worried. Plus, she knew about the regressions and had said she wanted to meet Dean, whether he was Big or Little.

When he walked into the waiting room, Ellen was already standing at the door. “Hello Mr. Novak. And Dean. That’s a beautiful hat, Dean.”

Sure enough, Benny’s hat was on Dean’s head. Castiel had seen it but it hadn’t really registered. He smiled as he told her it was from Dean’s uncle.

“Uncle?”

“Well, that’s what we call him. Benny Lafitte has become such a good friend, he’s Uncle Benny now.”
Ellen’s eyes softened and she stroked Dean’s cheek, who leaned into it immediately.

“He’s happy,” she says. “Come, let’s go inside. I have some toys and whatnot lying around.”

As soon as Castiel put Dean down, the boy began his exploration through the office. Crawling was still hard, but he managed to drag and roll himself to the places he wanted to go. Castiel kept a close watch, not wanting a repeat of another unscheduled visit to Dr. Turner’s office. The stitches were supposed to come out soon.

If Castiel had to use one word to describe the session with Ellen, it would be ‘comfortable’. She was almost like a mother. She was honest, but caring, gave positive advice and reassured him. He asked her about this regression coming so quick after the other, and she assured him this was normal. The more Dean would accept his life and the love he was being given (because he often still felt like he didn’t deserve it – even though Castiel constantly assured him otherwise), the more he could let go in his own time. Spending more time as a Little when he was in his Big mindset, would give his mind time to process everything in its own pace, which was the goal they were working towards.

Whenever Dean nudged at her feet or wanted to show her something, she’d give him his full attention. However, she didn’t stray from Castiel and what he needed, either. She seemed to be able to balance that quite perfectly and Castiel wouldn’t admit this soon, but he loved that she cared so much about him. She would bounce back his own answers and make him question them, try to see further, beyond what was happening right now. What were his plans for the future? How did he see the relationship between him and Dean growing? What could he do to be an even better parent? Did he take care of himself, too? All this and more were asked and Castiel felt relieved to be able to share all his worries.

He knew he had Bobby or Benny to listen to him too, but they were too close, sometimes. Ellen was someone that wouldn’t refrain from telling him the truth. Wasn’t afraid to hurt his feelings, even though she didn’t. There wasn’t any need, she just told the facts as they were, and it was up to Castiel to decide how he would handle that.

When the hour was almost over, a tired Dean now in Castiel’s lap, Ellen got him a treat. It was a Milky Way and Dean gobbled it down immediately. Ellen smiled and also gave one to Castiel. He grinned as he took the chocolaty treat, obviously eating it with much less drool than his baby boy.

When Castiel walked out into the waiting area, Benny was already there. Castiel needed to go to the bathroom, so he handed a now very sleepy Dean to his friend.

After returning from the bathroom, he found Benny talking to Ellen. His hat was back in place. Dean was asleep now, chocolate drool spot already present on Benny’s shirt. Benny didn’t even notice, he was too busy talking to Ellen.
Ellen laughed at something he said, then looked down at Dean. Dean had his head on Benny’s chest and was snoring a bit. The chocolate was everywhere.

Ellen laughed loudly and Benny looked down, rolling his eyes when he saw the damage. He turned around and grabbed a wet wipe from the diaper bag, cleaned Dean’s face and attempted to save his shirt. It only made the stain grow wider. Castiel walked up to them and stroked Dean’s cheek, the boy too far gone to notice.

“Well, Uncle Benny, maybe I’ll see you soon.” Ellen said as she ruffled Dean’s hair. She looked up to Benny, who nodded and tipped his hat to her. “Maybe Dr. Harvelle. Cas, you ready?”

“Cas is ready.” Castiel deadpanned. He had been expecting this. The two hadn’t been subtle about each other. Especially Benny, his eyes lit up every time he mentioned her. Benny carried Dean to the car while Castiel thanked Ellen for her time. She thanked him in reply, and stated that she would see him and Dean again in about three weeks.

They had a nice evening; Benny cooked one of his many fish specialties and Castiel slept on the sofa before dinner, Dean happily playing in the kitchen after his nap in the car.

~*~

About two weeks later, it was Thanksgiving. Everybody was here. His son, Benny, Bobby, Garth, Aaron and Charlie.

Despite knowing he could be Little, since everyone had met him while both Big and Little, Dean couldn’t let himself go. Castiel tried talking sense into the boy about Thanksgiving, trying to make him understand that everybody that was coming knew about his Little side and that they all cared for Dean.

His boy wasn't having it. He felt responsible as one of the hosts and he didn’t want Daddy to have the responsibility for taking care of everything. That’s what Dean had told him last night. It was one of many talks after the regression caused by Sam’s text message. Dean had explained that he had felt so guilty for forgetting the anniversary of his mother’s death, that he regressed almost instantly. He knew he would be safe in his crib, that’s why he hadn’t called Castiel. He hadn't agreed with his son and told him so. Dean told him he was glad he was regressed for his first meeting with Ellen though. Castiel had chuckled at the admission. He hoped Dean wouldn’t be regressed at the second appointment, which was just days away (Ellen had a busy schedule, it seemed), but he could only wait and see.

The stitches were removed last week. Dean had been Big at the time, but didn’t deny a lollipop when it was given to him. By none other than Becky. Castiel could forgive her for her initial reaction a few weeks ago. She had been surprised and he didn't blame her. Overall, she was a sweet girl and doted on Dean and Dean let her, although later he said he did find her a bit too happy. “That was a bit too much, Daddy.” Castiel had chuckled at Dean’s statement and replied that it had been very nice of Becky to take care of him. He wouldn't call her in for any babysitting sessions though.

If someone had told Castiel a year ago that he would be celebrating Thanksgiving with his son and newly acquired friends, he wouldn’t have believed it, but here they all were. Everybody brought something to eat. Dean wasn’t regressed, so he made three pies this morning.

Benny had brought yams, mashed potatoes and a meat pie; Charlie brought two kinds of soup; Bobby had brought a green bean casserole, beer and other drinks and Garth and Aaron brought rolls and carrots with brown sugar. Castiel was in charge of the turkey. He had also made some roasted vegetables and made sure there was enough dessert. Jello, ice cream and even some waffles. Who said breakfast food couldn’t also be dessert?

At the moment, Dean was trotting around in the kitchen, checking the food, trying to keep Jax away from said food and basically just trying to avoid the large group of people in the living room.

They all got along surprisingly well. Garth and Charlie were discussing some new Marvel movie, Bobby and Benny talked about fishing and Aaron was reading one of the comics that Charlie had brought. No one was paying much attention to the game on the TV, but it wasn’t Thanksgiving without football.

When Dean had sent Jax to the living room, the old dog immediately went for Aaron and the boy had opened his arms. Jax settled in nicely between Aaron’s legs, his upper half draped over him, because Jax was definitely no Chihuahua, and Aaron absentmindedly stroked him while continuing in his comic.

Castiel was trying to find a way to rescue his turkey. It was cooked on the outside, well-cooked even, but the inside was… raw. How did people do this? Deciding to cut it up and put it back in the oven seemed like the only option.

“Daddy what are you doing?” Dean asked incredulously.

Castiel sighed. “Saving dinner.”

He had told the guests that dinner would have to wait another half hour, because this wasn’t anywhere near done yet.
Castiel was also feeling a bit antsy with Dean hovering over him, watching his every step.

“Pff. Saving dinner. Why not let Benny go out to get some steaks and fire up the barbecue, because that bird is going to be as black as can be.” Dean huffed.

Castiel turned around and glared at Dean. “Why don’t you go into the living room and be with our guests? I can handle this.”

Dean raised his eyebrows and glared back. “Fine.”

He stomped out of the kitchen and Castiel turned around, frustratingly hacking up the turkey even smaller before setting the tray back in the oven. He felt bad about being so short to Dean, but he needed his full concentration for this bird.

~*~

Dean walked into the living room and didn’t quite know what to do with himself. He knew he'd been annoying Daddy. Actually he just wanted some cuddles but Daddy was so busy with the turkey. There were no empty seats. Where was he supposed to sit?

He could sit on someone’s lap… but that would be awkward, right? They all knew he preferred to be Little when he was at home, but could he do that now? Thing is; he really wanted to cuddle.

He hovered in the doorway until Benny spotted him. Benny raised his eyebrows and looked around the room, noticing there wasn’t a place for him to sit. He beckoned him over, pointing at his lap.

Dean could feel his cheeks burning red, but he shuffled over towards Benny anyway. He really wanted a hug and Daddy was busy.

It was not that he was expecting a comment or for someone to look at him strangely, but he was fully aware that he had been acting very grown up since everybody walked in the door and that this was the first time today he would be letting that slip.

He sat down slowly on Benny’s lap, and the man pulled him in with his big arms. “Just relax.” He whispered.

Dean looked around the room and nestled further into Benny, and that’s when the comments started.
Just not the comments he thought. Everybody talked at once but Dean had heard them all.

“Aw Dean you should’ve said! You could’ve sat on my lap!” Garth exclaimed. (Dean actually smiled at this; Dean was no full grown man, but he would crush Garth.)

“Boy, you still think you need to act like a grown up? In your own home?” That was Bobby.

“You know Dean, we could play with those toys in the kitchen later, if you want.” Said Charlie.

Aaron just looked at him and winked. He held up the comic and pointed at Dean. “Read to you.” He said softly.

Benny chuckled at all the comments and held Dean closer, who was now embarrassed and tried to hide against the sailor. He rubbed Dean’s back. “Lil’ Man can be a bit shy with all that attention, guys. Give him a moment.”

And everybody just chattered on at that statement, Benny and Bobby picking up where they left off, and so did the rest. It wasn’t until they heard something fall, a yell and saw smoke coming from the kitchen in the hallway, that they knew something was off.

Benny quickly stood up and sat Dean down in the chair. “Stay. Don’t come into the kitchen until I come get you.” Dean’s eyes were wide, and he really wanted to check on his Daddy, but he listened to Benny. In the back of his mind it didn't really feel right though; he was Big and he should be able to check on his Daddy. But Benny said he should wait. So he did.

Bobby and Benny told the others to stay as well and walked towards the kitchen. It was silent from a bit, the only evidence the residual smoke still wafting through the doorway. Then they heard both men laughing.

Benny came back first and picked Dean up without question, who was very anxious to see what happened. Dean clung to the sailor as he walked them to the kitchen. The rest followed, and as Benny walked into the kitchen Dean stared at the scene in front of him.

Castiel stood next to the oven, apron and oven mitts on, a tray on the floor with bits of black turkey surrounding it, a little bit of smoke still coming from the oven. The smoke alarm had started beeping, but Charlie turned it off quickly.

His Daddy stood there, shoulders slumped, looking absolutely devastated. It was very sad to see. What he said though, made everyone except Dean laugh even harder. “The turkey is dead…”

“Yeah no shit Sherlock!” Bobby yelled, wiping away tears of laughter.

“Language…” Castiel mumbled as he looked at Dean in Benny’s arms. Daddy looked so sad standing there, arms empty while his son was in Benny’s arms. Dean really wanted to go hug him. Benny was not his Daddy. Castiel was, and right now he was all alone in the kitchen and everybody was laughing at him. Dean almost cried.

Dean thought the accident was a little bit funny, but he didn’t like people laughing at his Daddy. And he still felt a bit guilty for being so grumpy at him. He squirmed out of Benny’s hold, who looked questioningly at Dean, and waddled over to his Daddy. He held out his arms, and after removing the oven mitts, Castiel picked him up. “ ‘s Okay Daddy, the turkey was already dead…” he whispered in his ear.

Castiel tried to smile but Dean could see his eyes were welling up. “I just wanted everybody to have a nice dinner. But, I can’t cook a turkey.”

“Well, no. But we could ask Benny to cook some meat? Right, Benny?” Dean asked as he turned his head towards the sailor with sad eyes. Benny seemed to understand what was happening here. Good on him. Dean wasn’t leaving his Daddy’s side anymore tonight. Or in the next couple of days.

Benny had stopped laughing and looked at Dean. “Yeah Lil’ Man. I’ll rustle up some meat and we can eat in an hour. Sound good to everybody?” he asked as he looked at the rest of the group, his eyes telling them to take this seriously.

They had all stopped laughing and realized Dean was feeling sorry for his Daddy. Everybody did something to help Castiel clean up. Well, Castiel was still standing there with Dean safely tucked away in his arms, but the rest all did something. Aaron tried to keep Jax away from the charred meat and laughed as he almost fell to the floor, Jax was pulling so hard.

Dean giggled when he saw that and rested his head on Castiel’s shoulder.
“You’re my Daddy and even though you can’t cook I still love you.” He whispered. He felt his Daddy tighten his hold and kiss him on top of his head. This was nice. His Daddy needed to know Dean would never see Benny as a substitute or have people make fun of him. He knew that hadn’t been the intention of the others, it had been funny to see but nobody was trying to hurt Castiel's feelings, but it still felt that way.

Luckily, the evening went on pretty normal after that. Benny had fired up the grill and Charlie and Garth warmed up the rest of the food. Bobby and Aaron set the table while Dean and Castiel snuggled on the couch, and half an hour later everybody was seated. Dean had wanted to sit in his high chair, but still felt a bit uneasy.

Castiel however, saw right through him and put him in it. Everybody had already seen the piece of furniture and nobody bat an eye when Dean was set down in it and Castiel put a bib on him.

When Castiel asked everyone to tell what they were most thankful for this year, the answers varied. Bobby told them he was thankful for having a new and talented employee, as he raised his glass at Dean. Aaron didn’t say anything, just smiled and did a thumbs up. Everybody laughed and gave thumbs up back. Charlie mentioned her store and how she was so happy that it was running well. She had managed to make a living out of something she loved. Garth just said he was thankful every day, but if they really wanted to know; he was thankful he met a cute girl named Bess. Bobby grumbled something at that, but Garth didn’t pay him any mind.

Benny ruffled Dean’s hair and stated that, even though he sometimes had to change a stinky diaper, he was glad he had a ‘Lil’ Man’ now and that they should go out on the boat again soon. Dean nodded, but whispered to Benny that they couldn’t take Cas. “He’s scared of the water Uncle Benny…”

When he looked over to Castiel, he could tell he looked a bit sad because he had overheard Dean’s whisper. He didn't know if it was because of the things that happened to his Daddy, or because it would mean he and Benny would go without him. He reckoned it was the last one. They made eye contact and Dean leaned in towards his Daddy. So did Castiel, and when they bumped foreheads Dean smiled. “Don’t worry Daddy, you’re my favorite.”
Dean grinned and went in for the kill, placing a sloppy wet kiss on Daddy’s cheek. That should do it.

Castiel gave a huge smile and ruffled Dean’s hair. “My favorite too, Dean.”

He then looked over at Benny who was watching the two.

Benny smiled and mumbled something along the lines of ‘so sappy...’
Dean loved it.

He did decide that the trip on the boat could wait though; it was awfully cold this time of year, and he didn’t want to give his Daddy the feeling that he preferred Benny. Yes, he just told his Daddy that, but sometimes actions spoke louder than words. Because he didn’t prefer Benny. Of course he didn't. The sailor was fun; sure. He was nice and kind, let Dean have extra treats or play a while longer and he really liked him.

However, Daddy was his… well. His Daddy. The man who took care of him, the man who knew him better than he knew himself. His savior, if he was being honest. The one man who wouldn’t judge him, who would love him unconditionally. Dean admitted that he had been waiting for the other shoe to drop at first, but that feeling was long gone. Right now they were working on dealing with the regressions, taking things one step at a time and that was just the way Dean wanted it to be.

Then it was Dean’s turn, and he didn’t quite know what to say. There were a million things Dean was grateful for. His Daddy, getting in touch with Sam (even though that had been a rocky road that was still being traveled; it was better than no contact at all), having a dog, he just couldn’t choose.

So, he said the obvious thing. “Being able to be a kid. And I have a dog now.” He couldn't not mention Jax.

Castiel smiled widely and the others too. His Daddy kissed him on the cheek and gave him a tight hug, although it was a bit uncomfortable whilst sitting in the high chair. When he pulled back, he saw Daddy had tears in his eyes. “Well, I’m grateful for my boy and all my new friends. I never thought I’d get a Thanksgiving like this. So, thank you.” Castiel said, a tremor in his voice.

After the quite emotional round, everybody wanted to eat. Dean let Daddy fill his plate, because his Daddy knew what he liked best. Daddy even cut up his food and set a bottle down for him, which Dean had finished first before clearing his plate. Although there was still plenty room left in his stomach for a piece of pie. Or two. Or three.

Nobody asked Dean any difficult, or ‘Big’ questions and Benny even teased him at dessert time, claiming the airplane spoon had difficulty landing in Dean’s mouth. Dean loved the airplane spoon and tried chasing it with his mouth, which didn’t work of course, so he moped and scowled. He could've used his hands but he wanted to be Little, because being Little meant having an awesome airplane spoon at your disposal. Who wouldn't want that?

As he crossed his arms and tried to impress Benny by scowling ferociously, he was presented by another spoon. From Charlie. “Benny’s being stupid, huh?” she asked as she glared at the sailor.

Dean nodded and took the bite off Charlie’s spoon, savoring its taste. He baked pretty decent pies.

“You got my back Deanie baby.” She said as she sat down, still looking at Benny with a frown.

Benny chuckled. “Come on, I was just teasin’ the Lil’ Man.”

“With pie? His favorite food? Pffff.” She huffed as she put another piece of pie on her spoon, flying it into Dean's mouth again.
Dean glanced back and forth between the two as he ate and decided it was pretty fun watching them compete over him. He looked over at Castiel, who was too busy enjoying his pie to even notice the exchange between the two. Yeah, Thanksgiving turned out okay.

A full week was ahead, working at the garage, his second meeting with Ellen, which he was very anxious about, and preparing for Christmas. Right now though, he enjoyed Charlie and Benny taking turns feeding him and munched away happily, cheeks puffed with his homemade pie, a perfect imitation of a stuffed hamster.

Chapter Text

Dean was walking along the shore, Jax walking beside him. It was a sunny day. The sky was blue, the sun hot on his neck and shoulders, a small breeze coming off the lake.

“Come on Jax! Let’s run!” Dean exclaimed, picking up his pace, watching the old dog who was trying to keep up. Jax tried to run as fast as his old body could take him. Dean decided to run ahead and then stop, crouching down, wanting to welcome the dog in his open arms.

As he crouched down, he saw a figure standing on the beach. Jax walked towards the stranger. “Jax, don’t! Come here boy!” he shouted. He didn’t want his dog to startle the unknown person.

The figure bent forward as Jax walked up to him. Jax didn’t know that there were people that were scared of dogs, or people that wouldn’t be nice to him. Dean squinted to see what was happening. The dog was wagging his tail, until he… wasn’t. Dean saw something shimmer, and then Jax fell down. The stranger stood up, a bloody knife in his hand. “Jax! Nooooo!”

The figure walked towards Dean, and there was something in the way he walked that sent chills down his spine. It was almost as if…

“You get away from me!” Dean called out. The stranger kept walking though, until his blurry face became recognizable. “Dad…”

Suddenly, he felt strong but gentle hands gripping his waist and turning him around. It was his Daddy. “Dean, you have to do it. Get rid of him. You have to make him disappear!” Castiel said to him frantically.

“But I… he was dead… how could I…” Dean stammered, until suddenly, John was behind his Daddy. Wait, how did that happen?

Daddy looked up to Dean as the blade came out his stomach. Castiel blinked away a tear and collapsed.

“You listen here boy. There’s only one Daddy, and that’s me.” John said gruffly.

“NOOO!!!” Dean yelled, punching the man before him. This couldn’t be. He had gotten rid of John. He was no longer his father’s little soldier. He had a great life now. A REAL father. A Daddy. But Daddy was still on the ground, blood seeping from underneath him. Dean kept on yelling and punching, but John stood still as a stone, not in the least bit fazed about what was happening. He wasn’t going to let John win this.

Then he heard his Daddy calling his name. His blue eyed Daddy.

“Dean… wake up!” But no, it couldn’t be. His Daddy’s corpse was laying in front of him.

“Dean! DEAN!” he heard, but all he could do was sob and shake, with John Winchester there to witness it. His biological father was smirking at him.
“You’ll never be the son I wanted.” Ouch. That hurt.

A flash of light and then thunder. The blue sky was gone.

He felt something grip him tight under his shoulders. But… he was standing? And then he smelled his Daddy… his wonderful Daddy. But, people didn’t smell in dreams? “Dean… wake up baby boy, you’re panicking. Come on… wake up!” Another flash of light followed immediately by the crackling sound of thunder.

He was crying so hard, he was hiccupping. Sobs wracked his body, tears were wetting his Daddy’s t-shirt. John killed Jax. He killed his Daddy. “Shhh… it’s okay Dean. Jax is okay and so am I.”

He said that out loud? “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… there was nothing I could do!” Dean gasped as he tried to get his breathing under control. Another flash and crack of thunder spooked him and he clung tight to his Daddy, reassuring himself that he was in fact, real.

“Just thunder baby boy. Let’s go to my bed, and Jax can come too.”

After getting Dean out of his sweaty pajamas and into a clean diaper, Daddy got him into one of his dinosaur t-shirts. He was sure his Daddy was talking to him, but he was still too panicked to pay attention and tried to keep his mind off the nightmare.

Dressed in the t-shirt, a diaper and some clean winter socks, he carried Dean over to his own bed, after whistling for Jax. The old dog came in a few moments later and Castiel helped him onto the bed, where he lay on the end, Dean’s feet warmed by the socks and dog fur.

~*~

Dean was still breathing unevenly, but it was getting better. It had been quite scary. Castiel hadn’t been able to wake him up soon enough.

His boy had been crying out and Castiel had immediately gone over to the nursery. His boy was bundled up in the sheets sweating, crying. Castiel had wondered if he could touch Dean or if that it would set him off. He had decided on getting his boy free from the covers first, so he wouldn’t be restricted anymore. When that was done, his boy was still crying out, deep in the nightmare. He heard him babble about Jax and his father, John.

After some desperate pleas for him to wake up, Castiel decided to just pick him up and see if he could wake him that way. Dean went willingly, still crying and said that John had killed Jax and his Daddy. That was a terrible nightmare. Castiel wondered if the storm blowing outside had anything to do with it.

He assured his boy that they were all fine and that was when his boy started to wake up. Dean was wet from sweat and from tears, but he had also leaked through his diaper. Castiel changed him with gentle touches and reassuring words, although he wasn’t sure if Dean was hearing him. It was like he was in his own little world and it was hard to make contact with him. The boy had been completely docile, laying on the changing mat, eyes unfocused. Dean usually helped a bit, rolling over when necessary or lifting his hips. Now, there was nothing, and Castiel was very worried about his boy. He wouldn’t put Dean back in the crib tonight after this.

Castiel decided Jax should join them too, so Dean would know they were all okay. Castiel wasn’t a big fan of storms, the lightning and thunder made him jumpy. During the day it was no problem, but at night…
He didn’t mind having his boy and dog with him in the bed while the storm was raging outside. As Dean’s breathing evened out, so did Castiel’s and soon they were both asleep.

Castiel woke up with a face full of hair. Dean’s hair, because he would recognize that scent everywhere. There was something draped over his legs too, and when he felt a wet snout against his calf he grinned. Jax was sniffing him, and then decided to lick his leg. It tickled. He shook his leg and the dog put a paw over the limb, claiming it. He felt his boy snicker and move down a bit, then an uncoordinated hand softly slapped his upper leg. Castiel had a feeling Dean regressed after his nightmare. That theory was confirmed as he heard his boy whisper ‘Jeks’ while drooling a bit on Castiel’s chest.

“Jeks Jeks Jeks!!” Dean giggled and Castiel giggled alongside him. Dean turned his head in one swift motion, staring at Castiel. “Daddy up!!! Up up Daddy!” he said with a huge grin.

“Yes, I’m up. It’s a miracle, I know.”

Dean flopped down on his chest again, cuddling him while Jax leapt off the bed, whining at the door. Jax needed to go to the bathroom, and Castiel needed to go himself, too.

Grunting as he sat up, he hoisted Dean up along with him, setting him on his hip. He opened the door for Jax, walking downstairs. He set Dean in the play pen, so he could let Jax outside and then go to the bathroom himself.

When he walked back into the kitchen, Dean was where Cas had left him, but he looked disgruntled and annoyed. “You upset Daddy left you alone?” Castiel asked, knowing full well that was indeed the reason for Dean’s scowl.

Dean huffed and turned away, plonking down to grab one of the toy cars and pretending Daddy wasn’t here. Ah, the silent treatment. Castiel grinned and went about making breakfast, determined to win his boy over with some nice pancakes with lots of syrup. After breakfast, he could change him and put him in his clothes, but Little Dean and syrup was a lethal combination, so better to let him make a mess in his dinosaur shirt.

Pancakes ready, he picked up his boy and set him in the high chair. That was quite a struggle, because Dean didn’t want to cooperate. It seemed he was still upset about Castiel leaving him for a bit, but how else was Castiel supposed to get his own things done? Dean needed to learn that he could be alone for a few minutes, when Castiel took care of Jax or his own personal needs. “Now baby boy, don’t be upset. Daddy wasn’t gone that long. And I made you pancakes…”

Dean eyed the stack of fluffy goodness but didn’t open his mouth when Castiel wanted to give him a piece.

“Want to do it yourself?” Castiel asked as he cut up the pancakes. He sat the plate down on the tray of the high chair and stood up, grabbing his own pancakes so he could eat alongside his boy.

After he turned he heard Dean huff and then the plate fell on the ground. It was a plastic plate, so no broken pieces, but there was pancake everywhere and the syrup made for a sticky mess all over the kitchen floor. Castiel looked at Dean, “No, Dean! You do not throw your food!”

His baby boy glared at him. “No Daddy! No throw!” he mimicked. Castiel would’ve laughed at Dean’s poor impression, but he knew now wasn’t the time, plus he really hadn’t expected this behavior. Dean never purposely made a mess. Deciding to give him another chance, he grabbed a new plate and put one of his own pancakes on it, a bit of syrup and then gave it to Dean.

“No throwing, Dean. If you don’t eat this, you’ll go in time out.” Castiel knew full well that Dean knew exactly what he was saying. He might be two, but he wasn’t dumb.

Dean looked him straight in the eyes. Raised his arm. Shoved the plate right off his tray. Again.
He didn’t lose eye contact with Castiel once. It was quite i mpressive.

Impressive, but not tolerated. Castiel wasted no time as he picked his boy up and sat him down in the corner. When Castiel walked away, Dean tried to crawl towards him. Castiel walked back and put him in place again. “Stay, Dean. You’ve been a bad boy.” Dean sat back, eyes wide. The boy clearly hadn’t expected this.

To be honest, Castiel hadn’t expected this either, but it had to be done.
He wondered how long he should let Dean sit there. Probably just a few minutes, but long enough to get the message across. If this were Big Little Dean, he’d have made him sit there and then clean up the mess together afterwards. Then again, Big Little Dean was just Big Dean playing Little, and Big Dean wouldn’t have thrown a perfectly good pancake to the floor. He would’ve eaten it in ten seconds.

Knowing Little Dean would just make the mess even bigger if he tried to help, Cas picked up the pancakes off the floor and cleaned the surfaces to remove the syrup while Dean remained in time out. Filthy rag in hand, he looked at Dean, whose lower lip was trembling. “I don’t like cleaning this up, Dean.” He said, then turned around before his resolve failed.

Big teary eyes and wobbly lips would make him crumble in seconds and he didn’t want that. His boy needed to learn there were some things he didn’t tolerate. Castiel would never spank the boy, he didn’t believe in that and he sure as hell didn’t want to turn into his own father. Dean needed boundaries, given to him by time outs or good talks.

Removing the boy from the situation had been his first step, then came (hopefully) a talk and apology.
He wasn’t going to give his boy breakfast, since he clearly wasn’t very hungry. Dean would have to wait until it was time for a mid-morning snack. Castiel had given him pancakes twice, and Dean didn’t want them both times. He’d just have to wait.

After cleaning everything he went and ate his own breakfast. Dean was still sitting in the corner and Castiel was surprised the boy hadn’t tried to crawl out again. Dean’s sad face was doing things to Castiel. It hurt him to see his boy so upset. This punishing thing wasn’t easy.

He sighed and put his empty plate in the sink. Walking over to his boy, he crouched down, Dean immediately moving to be picked up. Castiel lowered Dean’s raised arms. “No, Dean. We need to talk first.”

Dean sniffed and pouted. Darn that boy and his puppy eyes. Castiel sighed but continued, he couldn’t let his boy win this. “You were a bad boy. In this house, we do not throw our food. Do you understand?”

Dean nodded. Castiel wasn’t sure if Dean understood everything Castiel had said, but he got the gist of it. “Don’t do that again.” Dean nodded again. “No more breakfast for you today.”

Dean lowered his eyes to the floor and sniffed, his breathing irregular.

Castiel was glad he got through to him and finally went to pick his son up. Dean practically jumped when he felt Castiel’s hands under his shoulders and clung to him as if he were afraid Castiel would let go. He walked them to the living room and Dean looked back to the kitchen, pointing at the stove. Castiel shook his head. “No, Dean. Like I said, no breakfast. You had your chance.”

Dean seemed to truly understand now and the tears began to fall. It was horrible of Castiel to deny Dean food, he knew that, but the boy brought it on himself. He’d have to wait for his banana and a small bottle in a couple hours. He sobbed into Castiel’s shoulder, practically wailing. Castiel bounced him up and down. It had been a bad night for the boy, first the nightmare, then this breakfast fiasco.

Sitting down on the sofa with his boy in his lap, he turned on the television. Dean began to calm, fixated on Paw Patrol while thumb in his mouth. Castiel let his head fall back to the couch and relaxed, Dean cuddling up to him. After Dean shivered a little, Castiel remembered the throw blanket and pulled it over them both. Dean curled into him and that’s how they spent the next hour, one big lump on the sofa, one part snoring softly and the other sucking a thumb and watching puppies do their thing.

~*~

Castiel startled awake when he heard the phone ring. Dean was still on his lap, eyes fixed on the television screen. He moved his boy, laying him down on the sofa as he tried to get to his phone.
Huh, unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Castiel?” That was Sam.

“Sam? Is everything okay?” Castiel asked. He didn’t know why Sam would call, but he knew he and Dean had been e-mailing each other quite regularly.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. I tried calling Dean but he’s not picking up. He gave me your number a while ago, so I thought I’d try to reach you. Is Dean okay?”

Castiel sighed. Should he tell Sam about the nightmare? “Dean had a rough night and regressed. He’s fine though, he was a bit shaken up but he’s okay.”

“Rough night? Did he have a nightmare?” Sam sounded as if he knew something more.

“Yes. He was very… panicked.”

“I’ll bet. He’s had nightmares as long as I can remember. But he’s okay now right?”

Castiel looked over to his boy, now watching something with… princesses? It was all very pink. Dean liked it though, still watching with intense focus. “Yes, he’s… fine. I believe he is watching a girl’s television show right now. I see a Barbie and a pony.”

Sam chuckled. “Wouldn’t surprise me. If it moves, Dean will watch.”

It was silent for a bit. “Hey, Castiel?”

“Yes Sam?”

“I’ve been talking to Dean about maybe coming over. And I was wondering if you had room during Christmas?” He asked in a small voice.

“I always have room, Sam, but I don’t want you to forget what happened last time. You’re welcome if Dean wants you to come. I’ll ask him when he’s Big again. If Dean wants you to come, you can, but you need to be on your best behavior. I will not hesitate to send you to a hotel if I need to.”

He heard Sam sniff. That was unexpected. “I’ll be good. I promise. I was a dick, I know.”

Castiel didn’t mean to upset the boy. One crying Winchester had been enough, now he had two.

Sam continued, “I’m so sorry Castiel. Really. I know Dean’s had a very tough time and I didn’t… I mean I… And he was alone needing someone and I had no idea, I was out here just having fun and I was really selfish, then I was surprised and reacted so badly… I don’t want to lose my brother,” he croaked. His guilt was practically palpable, even through the phone.

“Sam, stop. It’s okay. You’re okay.” Castiel said in a soothing tone. He felt as if Sam needed some loving too. Which, now he thought about it, he probably did. Sam, after all, was just a young man without parents looking out for him. Growing up, Dean had looked after Sam, acting as brother and parent, which was part of what led to Dean’s regressions now, but it also meant that Dean wasn’t there for Sam as he once was. Did Sam even have a stable adult in his life? Someone to talk to, someone who encouraged him? He didn’t have a girlfriend that Cas knew about.

“Sam, are you still with me?” Castiel asked as he realized it was silent on the other end of the line. “Sam?”

“Yeah… sorry. I just… Sorry.”

Castiel closed his eyes. He was just going to do this. “Come over for Christmas Sam. We’d love to have you here.”

“Are you sure? Really?”

Sam sounded so hopeful. Damn his fatherly feelings. Sam wasn’t a Little, but he needed attention too… Castiel should’ve picked up on that sooner. “Yes, Sam. I’m sure.”

Sam’s reply surprised Castiel. “What kind of toys does Dean like? I saw some racecars when I was with you guys. But I was flipping channels the other day and I saw this commercial for these big like, Monster trucks, and they were so cool! Oh, do you think he likes Lego? We could build so much cool stuff! Maybe I could go buy some, man, we could build this huge fort and then…”

“Sam.”

“…we could have these soldiers protect the fort and…”

“Sam!”

“…maybe bring in one of those…”

“SAM!”

Silence.

“Sorry. I was babbling, wasn’t I?”

Castiel laughed. “Yes, you were. I’m sure Dean will like Legos very much. And I think you do too.”

“They’re okay.” He mumbled.

“Sam, I need to go now. Dean needs to be changed. Will you be okay?”

“Why are you asking that?” Sam asked, and Castiel could tell Sam wasn’t used to that question.

“Call it a fatherly feeling. You’re not a bad person, Sam, you’re still growing up. I want to know you’ll be okay. You have my number, if you ever need to talk, and not just about Dean, I want you to know you can call me, okay? Don’t carry all your troubles yourself.” Castiel knew he was too soft, but it was as if the Winchester boys had him in his grasp. He felt strangely protective over Sam once he realized that the boy was alone. He had enough on his plate with Dean, but he had room for Sam. He’d make room.

“I’m not… it’s not… Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay. I’ll call if I need to.”

“I’ll hold you to that. Bye Sam.”

“Bye.”

Castiel hung up and looked at his son. The boy was still in his own world alongside Barbie, a pony and a little girl. Either Dean really did watch just about anything that moved, or he quite liked watching a girl’s television program. Not that it mattered to Castiel, but it was endearing to see.

Chapter Text

Ugh. Stupid laptop. Stupid frikkin’ laptop that took ages to start up. Dean was frustrated, to say the least. He and Sam had a Skype call planned, but the laptop wasn’t giving its best. It was several years old, but Dean’s to use, since Castiel used his new one for work. The thing was whirring, heating up and all Dean wanted to do was to throw it across the living room.

He didn’t. But he wanted to.

He decided to get a cup of coffee before he’d make himself crazy waiting for the ancient piece of technology to boot up. When he returned, the thing still wasn’t working. He stomped over to Castiel’s office, opening the door with a smack.

Castiel looked up from behind his glasses, his brows furrowing. “Dean?”

“Daddy, that stupid computer isn’t working! And I’m supposed to call Sam! We were gonna Skype and everything!” Dean complained, voice edging into a childish whine.

Castiel took off his glasses and pinched his nose. “Doesn’t mean you can just barge in here without knocking, sweetheart,” he sighed.

Dean huffed. He crossed his arms and stared at Castiel. “He told me in an e-mail he had a surprise for me. How am I supposed to find out now?!” He could see Castiel’s lips turn up at that. The man knew! “Daddy… Do you know what the surprise is?” he asked as he tapped his foot impatiently.

“I do.” Castiel said. Then he picked up some papers, clearing space on his desk. Grabbing his own laptop, he turned it on and gestured for Dean to come towards him. Dean wasted no time as he walked over, sitting down in Castiel’s lap.

His Daddy was warm and comfy and Dean leaned against his Daddy’s chest as he waited for Skype to open. It didn’t take long at all and they were calling Sam in seconds, only a few minutes late.

Sam was sitting cross legged on his bed, the laptop at the foot end. “Dean!”

“Hi Sammy!” Dean called out, hearing (and feeling) his Daddy chuckle at the enthusiasm. Dean wasn’t one to wait things out though. “What’s the surprise?!”

Sam laughed and winked at him. “Have you always been this impatient?”

“When it comes to fun things, yes.” Castiel stated.

Dean was bouncing on Daddy’s lap now, because he knew the surprise had to be a good one. Both Sam and Daddy were in a good mood and that could only mean fun things.

“So, I called with Castiel a few days ago when you were Little. And I asked about Christmas. And… I know we were supposed to decide this together, but I miss you man. I asked Castiel if I could come and he said yes. I’m coming over for the whole holiday!”

Dean’s eyes widened and his mouth was open. He turned from Sam to Daddy and back again. “You really want to come?”

Even though they had had many e-mails and Dean was pretty sure that Sam was okay with his Little side from a distance, now he knew for sure that his brother was okay with it completely. Even though he and Sam had been going in the right direction, this felt like a huge pull forward and he beamed at the thought.

“If that’s okay with you Dean?” Sam asked, hesitation now in his voice. Dean’s silence after his last question must have sent out a wrong signal.

Dean looked at his Daddy again, who nodded towards the screen. “Answer him sweetheart.”

“Yeah…” Dean mumbled. He was very happy that Sam wanted to come, but never in a million years would he have suspected that Sam being okay with his Little side would be this quick. He’d expected a years’ worth of difficult communication, at least.

When Dean looked at the screen again, he could see Sam fidgeting. He was playing with his shirt sleeve, not looking towards the screen. Well, that just wouldn’t do. “Sam?” Dean asked, and Sam looked up. “Sam, I’d really like you to come.”

Sam’s smile was so big Dean was surprised his face didn’t break. “Yeah! I could come out the day after the last class ! And I talked to Castiel about this, and I could bring like some toys you’d like, how about those Duplo Legos? And we could build stuff. Or take Jax for a walk. Or we could play games, I bought this old Nintendo console and a box full of games with it!”

Dean shrieked with joy. “Yes! I want to do all that! Build a fort! And Jax! And Nintendo! Can we Daddy?” he asked excitedly while squirming in his Daddy’s lap. He never expected Sam to be so okay with his Little side. This was everything he wanted and hadn’t quite dare to hope for.

Daddy had a hard time making sure Dean wouldn’t fall or knock things from his desk and smiled as he finally decided to just completely immobilize his boy, wrapping his long arms around Dean’s and squeezing him tight. “Yes, yes, you can. I’ve talked it over with Sam, it’s fine. We can pick him up from the airport when he arrives.”

Dean slumped and looked at Sam again. “Sammy can you afford to come over?” he asked in a small voice. He knew Sam had said he’d come visit but he didn’t want his brother to go into debt in doing so.
If he had the money to give to Sam, he would, but he didn’t really have much of an income. He only worked for Bobby about two days a week and even making more than minimum wage, it would be all he had to afford that plane ticket. If he needed anything, clothes, food or fuel for the Impala, Daddy paid for it. Dean had accepted this and swallowed his pride about the money issue a long time ago after Castiel had made it clear that a father would provide for his son, and that was the end of the discussion.

Sam turned bright red. “Castiel is going to pay for my flight. We just talked about it yesterday. I was going to use my savings but… he insisted he’d pay.”

Dean grinned. “That sounds like Daddy alright.”

They chatted some more, about lots of random things. Dean was hunched over, his nose practically the only thing visible for Sam to see on the other side, he was that close to the screen. Castiel had long given up trying to be part of the conversation and had slumped against Dean’s back, his head sideways, and it wasn’t until Dean heard soft snores that he realized his Daddy had fallen asleep.

Saying goodbye to Sam quietly, he closed the laptop and leaned back, causing Castiel to fall back against the back of his chair. He turned around and his eyes softened. Daddy looked very peaceful in his sleep. He quietly snuck out of the room, going to the kitchen to prepare dinner. When dinner was finished, he called out to his Daddy, tired of being quiet. It was time for some action.

“Daddy! Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddyyy! DADDDY!!!! DAAAAAAD!!!!!!” he yelled at the top of his voice, putting as much emotion into it as possible. Jax lazily looked up from his spot in the kitchen, entertained by Dean’s antics.

He heard the office chair fall over.

“DADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYY!!”

Fast footsteps running down the hall.

“DADDD!!!!!”

A very bewildered Castiel came around the corner, eyes wide and frantic, searching for the cause of his boy’s panic. Not finding it immediate, he strode over and cupped Dean’s face, his eyes going over him, hands going down to his torso. “Dean! What happened? Are you okay?! Dean, say something!”

Dean blinked and doubled over, laughing so hard he almost cried. “Ahhh ah… you should have seen your face!”

It was silent then, the only sounds coming from Dean who had a hard time calming down. “Dean?”

Dean could still hear the worry in Castiel’s voice, but it had been worth it. “Your face… should’ve seen your face! Hahahahaaaa…”

“Dean!”

Oh shit.

“Dean, look at me, right this instant.”

Dean looked up, wiping away a tear. “Aw come on Daddy, you have to admit, it was pretty funny.”

Castiel stared at him and put a hand on his hip. “Funny? You thought that was funny? I thought something happened to you, Dean! I wake up, alone in the office and you’re screaming bloody murder in the kitchen!”

Dean thought it was a pretty funny way to spook Castiel. But okay, maybe he should’ve given it some more thought.

“Do you need to be punished again? What’s gotten into you this week?”

Wait, what? “Punished again? What are you talking about? You never punish me!”

Castiel raised an eyebrow at Dean. “When you were Little this week, you threw a small tantrum and threw pancakes all over the kitchen floor, Dean.”

Crap.

“Well, I’m not throwing anything now! I just wanted to scare you a bit, I thought it was funny!”

“It wasn’t funny, Dean! What were you thinking?! You know I worry about you! To hear you screaming for me like that, you… Jesus, you have no idea, do you?”

Dean was gob smacked. True; he would have never done this around John, but he and Daddy were two completely different persons. He’d pulled this prank on Sam once, but Sam wasn’t quickly worried and knew it was just one of Dean’s antics. He never intended to make Daddy mad or worried. Right now though he felt… ashamed. It was a very unsettling feeling and he didn’t know how to act around Daddy at this moment.

“I made dinner…” he mumbled as he walked over to the stove, grabbing the oven mitts to put the hot pan with potatoes on the trivet on the table. He silently put all three pans (potatoes, carrots and meatballs with gravy) on the table under Daddy’s watchful eye. He sat down, and so did Daddy.

They didn’t eat in front of the television, Dean had set the table wanting to have a nice meal with his Daddy as a thank you for Christmas, but oh God, how Dean would’ve wished for something other than this silence. Usually the TV would be a great distraction, but now they were just sitting at the table, eating in silence while Jax was under the table begging for a share.

When he finished his plate (Dean wasn’t in the mood for seconds) Daddy cleared the table, Dean still sitting and not quite knowing what to do. It was obvious he upset his Daddy and that was the last thing he wanted. Maybe he should work on his practical joke skills because this one turned out terrible. Or just keep the practical jokes for people like Charlie and Garth, who loved them and paid them back in equal measure.

“Daddy?” he asked timidly.

“Not now Dean… give me… give me a minute.” Castiel said quietly as he put the last plate in the dishwasher. When he closed it, he walked out of the kitchen, leaving Dean sitting at the table.

Oh, you really did it now.

The rest of the evening was uncomfortable. Daddy came back about half an hour later to the living room where Dean had been watching TV, trying to get his mind off things and give Castiel space. Dean had huffed when Castiel sat on the other side of the sofa. He crawled over, relieved when Daddy lifted his arm so he could curl up against his side. They stayed like that until bedtime.

He could tell his Daddy was trying. He talked to Dean about the plans for the rest of the week, was as sweet as ever when changing him and reading him his bedtime story, but the smile never reached his eyes and when Daddy carried him over to his crib Dean could feel tears pricking at the back of his eyes.

Dean was a Big boy though. Daddy needed space? Dean would give him space.

He curled up into a ball, clutching his elephant and turned away from his Daddy. Daddy stroked his hair and kissed the top of his head. After that, the room was dead silent and a few moments later he heard Castiel walking towards the door and then downstairs.

A while later, a tear finally escaped and he sniffled. Because of the nightlight he could see his elephant and he held him at arm’s length. “Just you and me tonight, Big Ears.”

~*~

Castiel sat down on the kitchen floor, Jax walking up to him and immediately laying down in the space between his legs. Absentmindedly scratching the dog’s fur, he started talking to him. “Do you think I was too harsh on him Jax? It was just a joke… It was a mean joke though. I woke up to find him gone and screaming his head off in the kitchen. What was I supposed to feel?”

Jax looked up with his sad brown eyes and slowly licked Castiel’s palm. “I need to teach my son some better jokes, huh? This one was… unfortunate.”

Castiel looked up to the baby monitor when he heard a sound come through. Then, a sentence. “Just you and me tonight, Big Ears.” He could hear the voice tremble.

He closed his eyes and let his head fall back to the wall. He didn’t want to go to bed leaving Dean feeling like this.

After letting Jax out for a final bathroom trip, he locked up the house for the night and walked upstairs, going through his nighttime routine and changing into his sleepwear. He walked over to the nursery and didn’t say a word when he lowered the side of the crib. Dean didn’t stir but was stiff as a board when Castiel tried to grab him under his shoulders. “Dean?”

“Daddy?” a small voice asked.

“I’m not mad sweetheart.”

His son seemed to relax at that and Castiel picked him up, not forgetting Elephant, then walked over to his room, laying down with Dean by his side.

Lights out, Dean curled up against him.

Castiel stroked his cheek. “Don’t make me feel that way again, you understand?”

“I understand Daddy.”

~*~

Dean woke up sprawled face down like a starfish on Daddy’s bed. He could hear the shower running, meaning that Daddy was already up and about. Ugh, he didn’t want to leave the bed. They had an appointment with Ellen this morning and Dean wasn’t really feeling it.

Hiding his face under a pillow, he waited until Daddy would kick him out of bed. He wanted to stay here as long as possible. Of course, not only a minute later he heard his Daddy walk out. “Dean, get up. Time to put on some Big clothes, shave and have breakfast. We need to be there in an hour.”

Dean sighed and burrowed deeper into the bed, pulling up the covers in a childish display. “Don’ wanna” he muttered and pulled the covers over his head. Suddenly the pillow was taken away and the covers were pulled off of him, leaving him in his onesie.

Trying to figure out what was happening by listening to the sounds instead of just pulling his head up so he could actually see, he was suddenly startled by someone tickling his foot. Dammit. If there was anything that would make him get up, it was that.

“Daddyyy stoohohoop!” he giggled as he pulled his feet under him, butt in the air, making himself as tiny as possible. Daddy pushed him, causing him to fall sideways so he could go on full attack. Two hands were tickling his belly, making him sprawl out and back inwards again, until it became so much he shouted ‘Uncle!’ at the top of his lungs.

Castiel ceased his activities and sat on the bed. “No… Daddy.”

He smirked and then walked out to go downstairs. “Dressed and downstairs in ten minutes, Dean!”

“Yes Daaad,” Dean replied sullenly. He secretly loved Daddy’s rules and how he managed to get Dean to comply without conflict. His Daddy knew all the exact buttons to push (and the ones that he shouldn’t).

When he walked downstairs ten minutes later in his Big clothes, he had brought Elephant for support to see Ellen.

~*~

“Hi! I’m Ellen! And who is this?”

“Elephant… But I call him Big Ears.” Daddy’s hand on the small of his back was a huge comfort as they walked into Ellen’s office.

“Nice to meet you Big Ears. Have a seat, all three please.”

Dean sat down on the sofa next to Daddy, Elephant in his lap. For being Big today, he sure felt Little. She looked nice though, and sort of familiar, which was only a little surprising since he knew Little Dean had already met her. He only remembered a Milky Way though.

“Dean, Castiel can stay for the first half hour, but after that I would like to talk with you alone. Your Elephant can stay with you if you want. Would you be comfortable without Castiel here? Or is that a no go?”

“It’s not a no go but he can’t leave. He needs to be close.” Dean stated. If he was going to regress then Daddy should be here.

Ellen gave him a warm smile. “I meant that he would go wait in the waiting room. Think that would be okay?”

Dean leaned into Castiel’s side, determined to get as much comfort from his Daddy before he was left alone, “Yeah that would be okay.”

The first half hour flew by like the blink of an eye. Figured. They had talked about normal day to day things and Dean felt at ease, until Ellen checked her watch and nodded at Castiel. His Daddy gave him a kiss on his temple and left the room.

Dean shivered.

He hated this. He hated feeling like he couldn’t do a single thing alone anymore. He hated being scared of regressing. Not that he fought it as much as he used to; just that he should take regression into consideration with everything he did. He couldn’t even go to the supermarket without worrying about something happening and not having his Daddy there to help. It was frustrating to say the least.

“Dean?”

Dean looked up to see Ellen glancing at him worriedly.

“Where did you go?” she asked.

“Huh?”

“I said your name about three times but you were somewhere else. Where did you go?”

“Just… thinking.”

“About what?”

Dean knew she was supposed to listen to everything he said so he just blurted everything out. As much as he could, in the time they had. He talked about how his life was now and the worries he had from day to day. Nothing about when he had been alone those first few years. That was dark stuff and he didn’t trust her enough yet. What if she would tell Daddy? He knew about doctor patient confidentiality but he couldn’t go there yet.

He talked about Castiel finding him, about his regressions, the normal ones and the infancy ones, how he felt about working at Bobby’s, about Charlie, about Benny. About his worries that Daddy thought he might like Benny better than him. That Daddy would always be number one even though Benny was cool too. He talked until he couldn’t and she let him. She gave him the space he needed, the time, didn’t say anything when he was stammering, never made an indication that he should hurry up, just those warm brown eyes encouraging him to let it all out.

Letting it all out had the side effect everyone had expected. Words were getting more difficult and the play area in the corner of the room suddenly held a much larger appeal than five minutes ago. He struggled to talk and really wanted something in his mouth. Preferably a thumb. He scooted down on the sofa and could see that Ellen was getting up to leave the room, worry clear in her face.

Why was the nice lady so worried? Did he do something wrong? Oh look! Toys!

Rolling off the couch he clumsily crawled over to the corner where he found a few stuffed animals to his liking. He sat on his butt and grabbed them all, holding them triumphantly in his arms and grinning up at Daddy as he walked in.

“Daddy!!!” he squealed with joy.

Daddy smiled at him and picked him up. He was disgruntled when he had to leave the stuffed toys behind, but happy when his Elephant was returned to him. He must have been lonely, all alone on the sofa.

After his Daddy changed his diaper in the nice lady’s bathroom, they drove home.

When they walked through the front door, Dean called out for Jax. “Jeks! Jeks!”

Nothing. Huh, that was weird.

Daddy sat Dean down on the floor and walked back to the car. Dean waited until Daddy was out of sight and crawled to the kitchen as fast he could. When he came around the corner he could see Jax laying down in his favorite spot. He went over and rubbed the dogs fur. “Jeks!” He was so excited to see him. He loved him very much, even though his furry best friend was very sleepy and boring at the moment. Dean began to pet him on the head. “Jeks, Jeks! Up, Jeks, up up!!” he squealed.

Jax didn’t open his eyes.

Chapter Text

Castiel was sitting in the waiting room of the veterinary clinic, bouncing his foot, not quite knowing what to do with himself. When he got back in the kitchen after getting his bags from the car, he found Dean crying next to Jax. The old dog wasn’t getting up; didn’t even open his eyes. Dean was distraught, angry at Jax for not waking up.

He’d assumed the worst at first, that Jax had died in his sleep while he was all alone. He had rushed over to them, taking Jax in his arms while he knelt on the floor. It took a few shakes, but Jax opened his eyes slowly. Panic set in, but his boy’s labored breathing triggered Castiel to stay calm and figure out what he needed to do.

Benny wasn’t picking up so he called the next best thing; Bobby, who in turn had brought Aaron with him. They arrived not long after, giving Castiel the opportunity to go to the vet who he had already called. They mentioned having a new vet, but Castiel couldn’t care less who they had working. Someone just needed to make Jax better. After he carried his best friend inside, they took over and he’d sat in the waiting room for over an hour now.

“Mr. Novak?” a voice asked. Castiel looked up to see a young woman with a clip board in the door way.
He nodded and stood up.

“My name is Jessica Moore, I’m the assistant. Jax is doing okay for now, but there are some things that we need to discuss. Could you walk with me?”

Castiel followed her silently, preparing for bad news. When he saw the familiar brown and black color scheme of Jax’ fur laying quietly on the table, he tried to hold down a sob, but failed. “Is he… he’s my best friend…” he choked out, walking over, burying his face in Jax’s shoulder.

They gave him some time and when Castiel calmed a bit, he took a seat, watching over Jax. The dog had his eyes open, but he was so tired. His big, strong boy, always so full of life, who hated going to the vet and would do anything to get out of the room, was now perfectly fine with just laying on the table and letting everything happen. It just wasn’t right.

The doctor entered discreetly, offering his hand to introduce himself. “Hi, my name is Dr. Cuevas. I examined your dog and we need to talk about what I found.”

Castiel sighed and looked up before shaking his hand.

“After feeling some hard spots in the abdominal area, we decided to do a scan. We found various small tumors. I’m sorry to tell you Jax is in pain and probably has been for a while now. We cannot treat it anymore, it’s in the late stages. All we can do is make him comfortable, which gives you time to say your goodbyes. A week or two... at best.”

Tears filled Castiel’s eyes yet again. This was his buddy. The one constant in his life he could rely on. Eleven years he spent with Jax, which was old for a German Shepherd. He couldn’t imagine life without him anymore.

“What can we do?” he asked.

Jessica sat down next to Castiel and turned towards him. “We can try to make him pain free. You can take him home. We’ll give you the medication necessary to make Jax pain free for a couple of weeks, but after that… He shouldn’t be in pain. He’s old for a dog his size and we understand you or family members need to say goodbye. We can come by the house to put him to sleep, so he’s in a familiar place when he goes,” she said calmly.

Castiel wiped his nose on his sleeve. He could care less about appearances now. “I’d like to take him home now.”

Jessica left to gather the medicine and Dr. Cuevas carried Jax to the car for him. Castiel let everything happen, too stunned by the bad news to truly comprehend the situation.

As he drove back he didn’t remember getting the medicine from Jessica, but there they were in the passenger seat. Jax was in the back, not making any noise or looking out the window as he usually did. Where did this come from? Had he missed the signs? Jax seemed to be doing just fine, even wanting treats or begging for left overs. At Thanksgiving, he even dragged Aaron all over the kitchen. It all felt very sudden.

When he parked the car outside the house, Bobby walked out and Castiel felt his walls come down.
Bobby opened the car door and when he saw Castiel’s tear streaked face, he opened his arms. Castiel fell into them, sobbing and mumbling Jax’s name over and over. After he calmed down, he took the heavy dog in his arms and brought him inside, Bobby taking the medicine with him.

Aaron was sitting on the sofa, Dean fast asleep in his arms. It seemed the boy had calmed down. Bobby had put the dog bed on the floor of the living room and that’s where they laid Jax down. Castiel sat beside him, stroking his fur.

Taking the mug full of coffee that Bobby got for him, he took an absent sip, not really tasting it. Everything was a blur, and he hated it. When he felt a warm hand on his shoulder, he looked up.

Bobby gave him a sad smile. “Ya need to get your boy to bed. We’ll stay with Jax here.”

The distraction would have to do. Gathering a still sleeping Dean in his arms, he walked to the nursery, mechanically changing Dean from his Big clothes into a clean diaper and his sleepwear. The boy didn’t stir and Castiel laid him in his crib, Elephant by his side.

He walked back down again, curling up on the floor with Jax. He didn’t even hear Bobby and Aaron leave.

~*~

Dean stretched out and yawned. God, he had an amazing crib. He looked over to the Mickey Mouse clock that was above the dresser. It said nine o’clock. Considering it was light outside, it was morning. Huh. Why hadn’t Daddy woken him up yet? Usually he would be woken up around seven thirty.

He lowered the side of the crib and stood up, stretching as he walked towards Daddy’s bedroom. He’d need to be changed soon, his diaper was soiled and it was already uncomfortable. He could do it himself but… no. Daddy did it lots better. When he opened the door, the bedroom was empty. Dean didn’t like the feeling he was getting in his gut. Where was his Daddy?

Trying to think about what happened, he recalled regressing at Dr. Harvelle’s office. He assumed that had gone fine; he had been brought back home and even put in his Little clothes, put to bed just like normal.

He waddled down the stairs as quick as he could, stopping immediately when he saw his Daddy laying on the floor next to Jax in the living room. Well, this was a first. If Daddy was lonely he could’ve just come and cuddled with Dean, right?

Dean padded over cautiously and gently shook Castiel’s shoulder. “Daddy…” he whispered.

Castiel groaned and rolled over to his back, opening one eye and then looking around as he saw where he was. “Why am I in the living room…?” he asked.

Dean chuckled. “I don’t know, but Jax doesn’t mind.” He said as he looked over to the dog, who was still sleeping. Which was weird, because Jax usually had lots of energy in the mornings.

Castiel’s face fell and Dean kneeled down beside him. “What is it?”

Daddy looked up to him and sighed. “I take it you don’t remember?”

Dean frowned. “You know I don’t remember much from when I’m Little. Now tell me, and tell me why you let me sleep until nine and you didn’t wake me up.”

Castiel looked guilty. He took a deep breath. “Yesterday after we came back from Ellen… you found Jax in the kitchen. He wouldn’t wake up. You were hysterical. I called Bobby and Aaron and they took care of you while I took Jax to the vet. It’s… It’s serious Dean. He…” Castiel stammered.

Dean swallowed. “He what, Daddy?” He was afraid to hear the answer.

“He hasn’t got much longer, Dean. A couple of weeks at most. They gave me medicine so he won’t be in pain, but … I… I can’t lose him Dean! I can’t, he’s my best friend, he…” Daddy sobbed.

Dean’s heart broke and any annoyance about Daddy not taking care of him this morning was forgiven.

Dean took Daddy in his arms and they sat in the living room, crying and comforting each other. It was a sad sight. When they broke their hold after a while, Dean crawled over to Jax, petting him and talking to him in a gentle tone. Jax was awake, but not active. Castiel got him to drink a bit of water and after a while he was still laying down, but face up and leaning on his elbows, looking around the room, tail lightly thumping the floor with excitement as Castiel gave him a small cookie. It took Jax some time, but eventually he ate it.

This would have to do for now.

~*~

Castiel stood up, still in yesterday’s clothing. He looked at Dean who was sitting beside the dog. He could smell the soiled diaper and knew his boy had to be uncomfortable. Picking Dean up, he carried him upstairs so they could both get cleaned up for the day, “What do you say you shower first and then you go and make breakfast for us?”

Dean nodded as Castiel laid him down on the dresser. When he removed the diaper, the effects of wearing it while soiled for too long were obvious. Dean’s skin was red throughout most of his diapered-area and it looked uncomfortable.

“Oh Dean, I’m so sorry. I should’ve changed you this morning, I don’t know where my head was, I…”

Dean squirmed a bit, not liking the cold air when he was exposed on the table. “But it’s okay, right? It’s not open or anything so I can just take a shower?” he asked, not wanting to look himself.

Castiel checked and didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. He helped Dean down from the dresser and the boy undressed further, then stepped into the shower. He laid out clothes for Dean to wear and straightened the crib bedding while his boy showered. After Dean was done, he helped him in a clean diaper with ointment to help soothe and heal his skin and his Big clothes. He was thinking about Jax, downstairs and alone, the entire time.

After Castiel had showered, he came down to find Dean in a very messy kitchen, but with a very nice breakfast. French toast, scrambled eggs, coffee, bacon, the works. “I should take long showers more often.” He chuckled.

Dean waggled his eyebrows. “If that means we get this kind of breakfast every day, then yeah.”

They took their breakfast and sat on the sofa, watching Jax as they ate it. The dog slept.

~*~

A few days later marked the arrival of Sam. Dean was still Big and drove with Castiel to pick him up in the Impala. Dean was excited; his mood had improved even though Jax was still not okay (but doing a bit better – eating and drinking). Dean brought Elephant with him in the car for company, it seemed he was getting more and more attached to the stuffed animal every day. Castiel had talked to Sam the night before, letting him know that Dean was Big, but that he should expect a bit of Little behavior. Dean didn’t want to restrict himself when he wasn’t working and there were always a few Little things about him nowadays. Such as the Little socks or taking his stuffed animals, but also certain mannerisms or a childish way of talking. Castiel had a suspicion that Dean didn't notice these things himself. Or, he simply didn't care anymore, which would also be progress. It was important that Dean didn't feel held back by his regressions.

When they arrived at the airport, Sam was already waiting outside of baggage claim for them. Dean bolted from the car as soon as he could pull over and stop and gave Sam a massive bear hug. That was his Little side alright. Sam returned it with gusto and laughed as he squeezed Dean so tight that the boy’s feet lifted a few inches from the ground.

“Dean! Missed you man!” he said as he let go of him and went for his suitcase.

Castiel walked up to them and gave Sam a gentle rub on his shoulder, nodding over to the car. “Want to get your luggage in the trunk? Then we can go home.”

Dean was positively beaming at having his brother in his proximity and jumped around Sam as the younger Winchester hauled his luggage to the Impala. He was asking Sam all kind of questions about the trip and how he had been and Sam answered every single one of them patiently. Sam looked at Castiel, surprise in his face about Dean’s happy demeanor.
Castiel shrugged and started the car, Dean too much leaning to his Little side to drive.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy, Dean.” Sam stated as he stretched his legs across the back seat.

“Yeah, well, I’m just glad you’re here! It’s like I’ve been waiting for ages! And I know the last time wasn’t fun but you said sorry, and I know you mean it, and you said you brought Legos?” Dean rambled as he looked outside to the low flying airplanes. The boy's attention was everywhere at once and Castiel smiled. His boy was something else.

Sam chuckled. “Yep I brought some stuff. I thought maybe later we could go into town and go to a toy store or something. Cas told me what you like.”

“When did you talk to Cas?” Dean asked as he turned around to face Sam. Dean scooted over towards the middle of the front seat, one side plastered against Castiel. He leaned his head on Castiel’s shoulder as he looked at his younger brother.

Sam’s cheeks turned a bit red. “Sam?” Dean asked, getting real curious now.

“Well I know we’ve been e-mailing and calling a lot… but I’ve also been talking to Castiel. He uh… well he’s helped me a lot.”

Castiel looked in the rear-view mirror and winked at Sam, knowing all the boys worries and doubts. It had taken him some convincing that Dean had truly forgiven him. Apparently hearing it from Dean himself wasn’t enough for Sam’s worries to disappear. He knew he had acted terribly on the last visit and he wondered if Dean would hold a grudge, even if he didn’t say so. Castiel knew his son like the back of his hand and knew Dean had forgiven him as soon as Sam showed a bit of remorse. Which he had done. Plenty.

“Way to go, Dad!” Dean said as he nudged Castiel’s shoulder.

“Dad?” Castiel asked. Usually it was 'Daddy'.

“Yeah. Daddy, Dad, it’s all the same. You’re my dad. John is… John.”

It was like all the stress from the last few days disappeared. This was a huge step for Dean. The Dad/Daddy difference had been a constant, but apparently not anymore.

Sam seemed to agree. “Yeah. John is John and I don’t miss him. Or grieve for him. I think you’re lucky to have Castiel, Dean.”

Dean smiled widely and bumped his fist with Sam. “Yeah I love him!” he exclaimed, then turned around, grabbing Elephant and plonking down next to Castiel. It was just a few minutes later that Dean scooted down and went to sleep, his head on Castiel’s lap, Elephant in his arms.

Sam leaned over the seat to look and smiled. “You weren’t kidding,” he whispered to the older man.

“Told you he’d be excited. And now he’s tuckered himself out,” Castiel said as he stroked Dean’s hair, one hand still on the steering wheel.

Sam sat back and it wasn’t long before both Winchesters were asleep, the Impala's rumbling engine a perfect lullaby.

~*~

“Sam…Sam wake up…”

Sam opened his eyes and it took him a moment before he realized where he was. The crick in his neck hurt like hell and he tried to get out of the car as graciously as his long limbs would allow. “Castiel?”

“You can call me Cas, Sam,” he heard the man reply. Castiel was stretching as well, then walked over to the front door, where a redhead in the doorway waved at him.

Sam waved back gingerly.

Castiel turned around. “Could you carry Dean inside? My back hurts from the long drive.” Castiel winked and went towards the house.

That bastard. Sam knew full well that a bad back wasn’t the reason, but Castiel wasn’t kidding when he said to Sam that if he wanted to stay, he’d need to accept all of Dean’s Little things. If he complained Castiel would send him packing. Which, okay, reasonable.

Sam’s suspicion was true, because Castiel stood in the doorway, looking at Sam. Of course, he wouldn’t let Dean out of his sight. His back wasn’t hurting, as he bent over to pet his dog. Who was… up and walking apparently. Huh.

Sam opened the passenger door to find Dean still fast asleep in the front. He wondered how he was going to do this. Should he pull him out? Wake him up a bit? But what if Dean didn’t want Sam to carry him?

He went with what felt right and leaned in, releasing the seat belt (since when did the Impala have seat belts? Dean must’ve put those in at work.) before grabbing Dean under his armpits and pulling him up. Dean groaned and mumbled something along the lines of ‘don’ wanna’ and Sam chuckled. Dean was always grumpy after sleeping. “Come on dude, we need to get inside. I’ll carry you.”

Dean slowly opened his eyes and stared at Sam. The younger Winchester had a feeling that Dean was going to fight him on this and demand Castiel, but no such thing happened. “’M tired Sam…” he yawned as he scooted forwards, holding his arms up.

Sam got him out and pulled him close, Dean’s legs immediately wrapping around his waist. Dean tucked his head in the crook of Sam’s neck and sighed. “Sleep Sammy…” he mumbled as he relaxed in Sam’s hold.

“You sleep, Dean.” Sam replied as he closed the door and walked over to Castiel, who was grinning.

“He’s sleepy.”

“I’ll bet.” Castiel replied.

They walked inside and Castiel pointed him to the living room. “No point in bringing him to the nursery, we’re having dinner in half an hour. Sit down in the big recliner, it’s big enough to fit the both of you. Dean can nap for a bit.”

Castiel lead his dog to his dog bed and sat with him for a bit, stroking the soft fur.

“How is he?” Sam asked as he sat down with Dean in his lap straddling him, still out for the count. For some reason, Sam had never felt so loved and trusted before. It felt good.

“Very sick, but not in pain. We’re saying goodbye soon. Dean’s not ready yet, but I don’t want Jax to be in pain or be miserable. And to be honest… I kind of needed someone else here when they put Jax to sleep, because I know for certain Dean will regress.”

Sam figured as much. He didn’t mind though.

Castiel stood up and looked at Dean in Sam’s arms. “He fits well.”

Sam laughed and looked at Dean drooling on his chest. “Yeah, I outgrew him when I was in high school. He was so pissed.”

“You okay here for a bit while I start dinner and see Charlie out? She’s been here all day and apparently she has a date tonight.”

“I heard that!” A female voice shouted from the kitchen.

“Charlie introduce yourself!” Castiel yelled back, and Dean stirred in Sam’s hold.

“Shhh... it’s okay Dean. Sleep, it’s just Charlie.”

Dean smacked his lips and curled into Sam, one hand fisting Sam’s t-shirt. Sam rubbed his back and he felt weird that he didn’t feel weird about this anymore. Those calls and e-mails between them had really helped. Plus Dean had always tolerated a lot from Sam.

Castiel looked at him with warm eyes as he slid a pacifier in Dean’s mouth. “You’re doing good, Sam. Remember, baby steps.”

A tiny red head walked in and stood in front of Sam. “Hi! Name’s Charlie, one of Dean’s best friends. You must be the Moose brother he’s always talking about,“ she grinned.

“He talks about me?”

“Yeah, all the time! Wish I could stay longer… but I’ve got a hot babe by the name of Jo waiting for me. She’s a feisty woman and I do not want to screw this date up,” she said as she left to grab her coat off the other sofa, pulling out some comics to give to Dean later. She walked over to Sam again, bending down. Sam’s brows furrowed but relaxed when he saw that she was just giving Dean a kiss on his cheek.
“Bye nerd!” she whispered, and off she was.

“She’s… quite the whirlwind.” Sam said.

“She’s quite unique, alright.” Castiel agreed. “I’m going to make dinner. If there’s anything you need, just shout my name.”

“Sure thing Cas.”

Castiel left and Sam sat in the living room with his thoughts, the soft snores of Dean the only thing interrupting the quiet. He looked down at his big brother, who was somewhere between Big and Little now. He was glad Dean was so forgiving. Sam made a vow to himself to never take Dean for granted anymore. To always put Dean first. To make sure Dean never felt alone again. If for some reason Castiel couldn't take care of him, Sam would step up to the plate. College or no college.

He’d acted like a total douche the last time he was here and he was determined to make it up to Dean. He scooted down a bit, pulling Dean up, who was sprawled across him like a monkey. Stroking his brother’s hair gently, he snoozed until it was time for dinner.

Chapter Text

Eleven years ago

“Bobby? What are you doing here?”

“I brought ya something. It’s in my car.”

Castiel put on his coat and slipped into some sneakers. It was a cold and windy day and he had spent it all inside, just like every other day these past few weeks. Bobby walked to the car, going to the passenger’s side and opening the door. Castiel tried to see what was there, but the older man’s back hid the view. “Bobby?”

“Hold yer horses, it’s a feisty little thing.” He grumbled. Castiel was getting real curious now and wondered if the old coot had lost his mind. Bobby turned around and Castiel gasped.

In the hands of the old man was the cutest little puppy, which looked more like a tiny bear cub if anything else, his fur still black, ears floppy and beady like eyes. It was squirming and giving little yelps, thus Castiel stepped forward. The tiny pup had to be comforted.

Castiel reached out and Bobby handed the pup over. “All yours.”

The younger man cradled the little dog to his chest and it immediately calmed down. Opening the zipper of his coat a bit, Castiel tucked him under and protected the pup from the wind. “Why?” he asked. Not that he wanted to ever let go though.

 “You’re lonely, boy. And now since ya moved up here, all alone in this big house… well it don’t feel right. Figured you’d need a guard dog.”

A small squeak was heard and Castiel glanced down. “Not much of a guard dog yet,” he grinned. “Although I would like the company.”

Castiel had been living here, redecorating the place so it didn’t remind him of his parents as much. He  was fresh out of college and had a job; all he needed now was someone (or something) to share it with. Bobby knew him too well.

 “I know you would boy. I’ve seen you sitting down with Rumsfeld. Now that’s an old booger and most of all; he’s mine. Ya need yer own. I got you some supplies for the first few days. He’s all yours.”

Absentmindedly stroking his new family member’s fur, he looked Bobby straight in the eyes.  “Thank you.”

Bobby ruffled his hair and walked over to the trunk. “I’ll get the supplies inside, you go on now.”

Castiel turned around and walked inside the warm comfort of his home. He sat down in the large recliner, not taking his coat off. He didn’t want to disturb the tiny pup who was now fast asleep on Castiel’s chest.

 Bobby walked in after setting the puppy supplies in the kitchen. “Got a name yet?”

 “Is it a boy or a girl?” Castiel asked, not wanting to wake the pup up.

 “Boy.” Bobby replied.

 “Jacques, but Jax for short.” Castiel said softly as he looked at the tiny ball of fur in his hold.

Bobby stayed a while, both men drinking coffee, catching up and complaining about the weather.

After the old man had left, Castiel looked down at the pup. Jax was exhausted, which was to be expected after such a long day. First, getting taken away from your mom, then a long drive in the car with Bobby and falling off the passenger’s seat a couple of times. Castiel snickered when he remembered Bobby’s face as the old man told him about the pup’s antics on the drive back. “Ain’t my damn fault the little rascal is so curious! All Rumsfeld did was sleep in the back seat.” Finally, the arrival at his new home.

 “We’ll start potty training tomorrow, big boy.” Castiel said as he stood up, bringing the dog with him upstairs.

Not wanting a dog in his bed, he put the dog bed Bobby brought next to his bed, so he could hang his arm out and stroke the pup if he got anxious or alone. Before he went to sleep though, he had a long cuddle session and received numerous licks on his face.

Ten years ago

“Jax! NO!” Castiel shouted as he heard the familiar sound from the kitchen. Not again?!

Walking into the kitchen he saw his dog on the floor next to the trash bag and its contents. Jax was still holding a potato peel in his mouth, and the guilty look on Jax’s face told Castiel that Jax knew exactly how much trouble he was in. This wasn’t the first time. Heck, it wasn’t even the 10^th. He had tried everything, even a lock on the trash can. Jax was resourceful when it came to getting into the trash.

“Let go!” Castiel said firm and Jax slowly opened his mouth. The potato peel fell to the floor and Jax was looking at him with white under his eyes. He could look so cute, but the bastard knew that Castiel had long grown immune to the puppy dog eyes. So, when Castiel walked forward to grab him by his collar and send him to his dog bed, he darted out of the kitchen (but not before he grabbed a used coffee filter).

Castiel turned around and stomped down the hallway, following the trail of coffee grinds to the living room.

“JAX!!” he bellowed. He could see the end of his tail from behind the sofa. Jax had never been particularly good at hiding. Gotcha.

Nine years ago

”Father, no!” Castiel screamed. His father didn’t listen.

" Don’t you dare look at such filthy pictures! It’s un pure!” he shouted, grabbing Castiel by his upper arm and dragging him out of his room. Castiel stumbled, trying not to fall and make his father even more mad.

Going down the stairs, his father gripped him tight. As they walked by the kitchen, he could see his mother working on dinner. She looked at her husband and son. “What’s going on?” she asked, not even mentioning the tight hold her husband had on Castiel, who had tears in his eyes.

" What did he do this time?” She sighed.

Castiel’s lips were trembling. Why didn’t they love him?

" Caught him with his hand in his pants, looking at pornography.” His father spat out, looking at him with disgust.

His mother nodded and looked at her husband. “Do what you have to do.”

Castiel’s father dragged him to the waterside, forcing him down on his knees in the shallow waves. “I’ll purify you of your sins, son.” He said as Castiel felt a kick to his back. He fell forward, tried to stop himself from falling by putting his hand out, but his father had grabbed them both, holding them behind his back. He was pushed farther, face in the water. In his panic , he hadn’t gotten air in and so he gulped down the murky water.

H is father pulled him up by his hair, repeating the word ‘sin’ over and over as he continuously dunked Castiel’s head under water. After a while he gave up the fight; if he was going to drown, he was going to drown. His father shook him like a rag doll, until Castiel stayed down in the water. He was too tired to fight. He felt strong hands pulling him up and dragging him to the dry sand, then unceremoniously dropping him. “Hope you learned your lesson boy.”

Castiel gasped as he sat up, Jax whining next to him on the floor. Sweat was coating his body, his heartbeat fast and unrelenting. When he fell back, the tears came. That was one of the most vivid nightmares yet.

He felt a warm, wet stripe on the top of his hand. Jax. Turning around to lay sideways he faced his best friend. Castiel decided to let go of the rules for one night and deal with furry sheets tomorrow. He scooted backwards and tapped the mattress. “Come here, boy.”

Jax hesitated, but after a second or two jumped up and curled into himself, facing Castiel. Stroking the dogs fur, Castiel calmed down enough to catch a couple more hours of sleep before his alarm clock went.

He woke up the next morning sprawled across the bed, Jax still next to him, watching him intently.

“You’re my best friend. I love you Jax.”

 Six years ago

“You’re a freak Castiel! Jesus! First no sex, which, okay, you know, maybe I could deal with that? But this... request? No. You’re just a nutcase. We’re done.”

The front door slammed shut. Castiel let his forehead fall to the door and tried to take deep breaths. All he wanted was to take care of someone. He didn’t want sex. He didn’t want actual kids. What he wanted was… abnormal. He’d be alone forever, that was clear now.

He turned around and let himself slide down to the floor, back against the door. Pulling his knees up, he rested his head against them. The tears came hard and unrelenting. It wasn’t until a snout pushed against his hands that he looked up. “Jax…” Castiel mumbled as he saw the familiar brown and black fur coming closer. The dog nestled himself against Castiel, who in turn gripped him tight and cried against him.

He sobbed for what felt like hours, until Jax left him. Looking up to see where his dog had gone, he saw him standing in the hall way, his in his jaw, tail wagging. Jax was looking at him with his puppy eyes begging to go outside.

“Want to go out?” Castiel sniffed, as he wiped the snot with his shirt sleeve. He stood up shaking, slowly getting in his coat and pulling on some boots. He opened the door and walked towards the water, his four-legged friend following him. They played fetch until it was too dark to see.

One year ago

“You’re getting old boy.” Castiel said calmly as he was making some coffee for breakfast. Jax hadn’t been sleeping in his bedroom for a while now. The dog wasn’t feeling it anymore. Old age was taking things away. Jax’ snout had turned grey, as had his paws. His usually brown and black shining fur had become dull. If you spoke in a high tone or grabbed one of his toys, he’d usually perk up and play, but it wasn’t long before he was too tired.

Walks at the water side were now half an hour instead of the hour (or even two) they did when he was younger. He didn’t stand as much; he preferred to lay down and watch the action, or sleep his way through the afternoon. The times he did get up were when he was begging for food or when he noticed something was wrong. When Castiel was sad or had to go away.

Going outside to play fetch was still a favorite, but it was shorter now and the dog had more interest in laying down with his ball than returning it over and over again.

Castiel liked to spend the summer lounging on the swing set on the porch, while Jax lay in the shadow. All in all, he knew his dog was getting older, but he didn’t seem like he was in pain and was still enjoying life.

The man crouched down in front of his best friend, petting him and kissing him on his head. “Don’t leave just yet, okay?”

Present day

Jax had rejuvenated a bit when Dean first came to live with them. Dean adored the dog; his enthusiasm rubbing off on Jax and the two had spent a lot of time together playing fetch or just sunbathing, lying on the sofa if Dean thought Castiel wouldn’t notice, or on the floor. It was all coming to an end now. The time had come to let his good boy go.

The pills Jax had gotten from the doctor weren’t doing their job anymore. Jax had gotten more and more quiet and Castiel couldn’t stand the thought of his pup in pain. He called the veterinarian first thing this morning; they would come by at eleven.

Castiel was shaking as he walked into the kitchen. Sam was already downstairs too, an early riser. Castiel was up this early because he’d been worried about Jax all night; he was in a bad state yesterday evening. As he poured himself some coffee, he looked at Sam. “I need your help today.”

Sam knew what this was about and set his own cup down. “Anything, Cas.”

“The vet is coming by at eleven to put Jax down. Dean wanted to be there but I don’t think he should be. Or can be, even. He was pretty distraught yesterday evening and already said his goodbyes. He regressed after that. You need to take care of him while I say goodbye.”

Castiel thought back to yesterday. Dean had been on the floor with Jax, petting him, snuggling up to him. The old dog wasn’t doing much of anything, could just lay there while all the humans fussed about him.

Castiel sighed and looked at his son. “Dean…”

"No. I don’t want to hear it.” Dean said with a tremor in his voice.

“It’s time to let him go, sweetheart. I’m going to call the vet the first thing in the morning. He’s in pain, Dean.”

“He’s just sleeping… see? He’s not… He can’t…” Dean choked out as he used both hands to card them through the dog’s fur. Jax was sleeping, but he was in so much pain.

“It’s time to say bye-bye, baby boy.” Castiel said in his calmest voice, trying in some way to make this less painful. Not that he stood a chance because he himself was hurting very much, too.

Dean started to quietly sob. “I just met him! I can’t let him go so soon.”

Castiel walked over and sat down next to them. He reached one hand out for Dean, the other went to Jax. “We need to say goodbye.” He said shakily.

Dean looked up with tears in his eyes. Castiel blinked and let his own tears fall. “Say goodbye…” he said in a high-pitched voice, result of choking up with tears.

His son  laid down on the floor, his lips to Jax’ forehead. Stroking the dog with his left hand, he kissed Jax on his head multiple times. Badly held back tears now gave way to big ones, Dean’s breath stuttering as he mumbled sweet nothings to Jax, a warm, comforting voice. “Good… bye… Jax… I… I… I’ll… miss…you…” he sobbed in short, gasping breaths.

  All Castiel could do was sit there and cry with him.

“Cas?”

Castiel looked up. Sam was standing next to him now, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Cas, it’s okay. I’ll take care of Dean, you stay with Jax.”

~*~

He didn’t remember the doorbell ringing. He didn’t remember Sam picking Dean up and walking upstairs. He remembered Dean crying. The boy had been very upset. Castiel didn’t remember letting the vet in. But there they were, in the living room now. Dr. Cuevas and Miss Moore.

They explained that they’d give Jax an injection first to make him sleep, before putting in the one that would stop his heart. They asked what Castiel wanted with Jax’ body afterwards. “Cremation,” he said. “So he can come back home.”

Jessica nodded and told Castiel it was time now.

Jax was watching them with tired eyes. Castiel crouched down and could feel his throat tightening.

He cupped Jax’ face with both his hands and put their foreheads together. “I’m going to miss you so much… you were my best friend…”

A sob escaped and Castiel took a deep breath to try and calm himself down. “I love you Jax. I hope you’ll have many… adventures… in doggy heaven.”

As he was talking to Jax, Jessica had taken a front paw and shaved some of the hair off.  Dr. Cuevas put the first shot in to make Jax go to sleep, while Jessica put a pee-pad under Jax’s backside. She explained Jax might soil himself after his heart stopped beating. Castiel was numb and could care less about pee or poo. All he wanted… no, all he needed was to make sure his dog was comfortable when he went.

Tired brown eyes looked up at his master. Castiel tried to smile. “You’re just going to sleep pup. You be a good boy now, you hear? You be a good boy…” he cried as he felt Jax’ head get heavy in his hands, the eyes closing.

Carefully laying Jax all the way down, Castiel went down with him, sprawled out on the floor. He could care less how it looked. All he knew was that Jax should hear his voice until he was gone.

“Such a good boy…” he sobbed, Jax’s head limp in his hands. Dr. Cuevas put in the second (and lethal) dose.

It was over before he knew it. They left Castiel alone with Jax for a few moments, the man crying softly as he held his pup.

Castiel was the one who carried Jax’s lifeless body to Dr. Cuevas’ car. Sam walked with them, knowing Castiel needed all the support he could get. Dean was asleep inside. Castiel laid Jax down softly in the trunk, Jessica covering the dog with a blanket.

“We’ll call you when you can pick up the ashes. We’re very sorry for your loss, Mr. Novak,” Jessica said.

They both got in the car and Castiel watched them drive away, taking his puppy with him. God, eleven years. How did they go by so quickly?

 He felt numb as Sam guided him back towards the warmth of his home. Sam sat him down in the recliner and headed upstairs. Castiel couldn’t do a thing, just stare at the empty dog bed Jax had been sleeping these last few days. It was so quiet.

 Sam had apparently turned the baby monitor back on (he had turned it off because he had been upstairs with Dean while Castiel said his goodbyes), because suddenly, he could hear his son. Dean was babbling away happily as Sam was apparently changing him. Castiel wiped away his tears as he heard Sam yell “God, what did you eat?!” and chuckled a bit.

The (biologically) younger Winchester had really taken to Little Dean and had proved himself worthy over these last few days. Big Dean was happy to let Sam take care of him, but still a bit apprehensive about the more intimate things, which was to be expected. Big Dean would always turn to Castiel for bathing and changing diapers, but Little Dean was indifferent and knew no shame. Of course, Little Dean preferred Daddy, but if any other, like Benny or Sam, Bobby or Aaron was kind and sweet enough he’d let them in completely.

After he heard Sam muttering some more about ‘stupid diaper tabs’ and ‘you put EVERYTHING in your mouth, jeez’ he waited for them to come downstairs.

Dean was fully dressed in his Little clothes, Sam had really tried his best, Castiel could tell. The things didn’t match but Castiel didn’t care. His boy looked cute no matter what outfit. A pacifier was in his mouth and Dean looked a bit grumpy at Sam.

“Preferred his thumb.” Sam said as he rolled his eyes. He walked over to Castiel and placed Dean in his lap. Castiel tugged his boy close, blinking away last of the tears.

Sam went into the kitchen to fix lunch as Castiel and Dean got some bonding time in.

“Jeks?” Dean asked as he looked around the living room.

 “Jax was sick baby boy… He’s in doggy heaven now.” Castiel said.

Dean didn’t understand and kept looking around, then turned to face Castiel. “Jeks?” He asked again.

Castiel shook his head and looked at Dean’s sad face. “He’s not coming back, sweetheart.”

The older man couldn’t tell if his baby boy understood or not. Dean resigned though; he put his head on Castiel’s chest and sighed deeply, not asking about the dog anymore.

Castiel could feel his tears coming again and decided just to let them fall. Dean looked up when he felt Daddy’s stuttered breathing.

“Jeks…” he mumbled as he looked down again, curling up against Castiel in an attempt to make his Daddy feel better.

The older man had his eyes closed and was almost sleeping when he heard Sam walk in. He didn’t open his eyes, too comfortable with his son now snoring softly in his lap. Finally, a moment of peace after the emotional morning. He felt a blanket covering them a moment later. A shadow fell over him and he heard the sound of a kiss. Dean softly sighed before he burrowed further into Castiel’s hold. Sam’s footsteps left the room quietly.

A few moments later and he was fast asleep.

Chapter Text

Sam sat at the kitchen table, staring at his cup of coffee and trying not to yawn again. He’d laid awake in his bed for an hour before he gave up on sleep and went to do something productive. Maybe he could help Castiel in some way. He had heard Dean crying last night but knew Castiel had it covered, so he stayed upstairs, not wanting to disturb them in their last moments with Jax. The dog had been getting progressively worse these last few weeks, Castiel had said, and Sam knew the older man would call the vet any time now.

Castiel shuffled into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee too. “I need your help today.”

Sam knew instantly what this was about and knew now was the time to step up to the plate. “Anything, Cas.”

“The vet is coming by at eleven to put Jax to sleep. Dean wanted to be there but I don’t think he should be. Or can be, even. He was pretty distraught yesterday evening and already said his goodbyes. He regressed after that. You need to take care of him while I say goodbye.”

Sam nodded and took his last sip of coffee. “I’ll take care of Dean.”

Castiel had a faraway look in his eyes and Sam walked towards him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Cas?”

Cas looked at Sam and frowned, as if he hadn’t noticed Sam had gotten closer. “Cas, it’s okay. I’ll take care of Dean, you stay with Jax.”

Castiel nodded and went to be with Jax. Sam felt sad for Cas; it seemed the man didn’t get a break. Knowing he could help Castiel out this morning, he went upstairs.

After brushing his teeth and taking care of the rest of his morning routine, Sam headed to the nursery. The door was ajar, as it always was. Castiel had explained that the night light sometimes wasn’t enough and that Dean needed the little bit of light that shone from the hallway just to feel safe.

Dean’s nursery was beautiful and Sam knew Castiel had spared no expense whatsoever. Everything was tailored for Dean’s size which made it easy to care for him. The crib was beautiful and large enough for Dean to spread out like a starfish, the dresser was long and wide, with a large baby blue changing pillow and a mobile hanging from the ceiling right on top of it, making sure Dean was distracted when he was getting changed. Sam walked over to the dresser and set everything ready for when Dean awoke, so he wouldn’t have to search or keep Dean waiting.

Castiel had told him as much as he could about taking care of Little Dean for when the time came. It had been no surprise that Dean had regressed after last night. These last few days Sam had been helping with Dean’s Little side whenever he could and as much as Dean would allow. Dean had been surprisingly okay with a lot of things, even letting Sam read him a book before he went to sleep and allowing him to put him to bed. Castiel still did the diapers and bath time, but Dean had said to Sam that if he was regressed, he wouldn’t mind. Dean knew Castiel needed help and it wasn’t as if Little Dean would fight him on it.

Little Dean was too trusting according to Castiel. The only people Castiel would leave Little Dean alone with were Benny, Bobby and Aaron. He had heard a lot about Benny and knew that both Dean and Castiel saw the man as family. Dean had confided in Sam that he was afraid Daddy felt threatened by ‘Uncle Benny,’ but Sam quickly assured him that Castiel just wanted what was best for Dean. Both Dean and Castiel knew that Benny had been lonely before they became friends, and that underneath that rough exterior was a very kind and friendly soul. Sam was looking forward to Sunday, when Benny would come around for their weekly dinner.

Walking quietly towards the crib, Sam rested his hands on the top and looked down tenderly. Dean always slept with the sides up, something else that made him feel safe. Sam wondered how long Dean had felt unsafe and scared. Another thing Castiel had mentioned; Dean always needed to be cocooned. He’d go to bed surrounded by his stuffed animals and wrapped tightly. During the night he would relax, waking up spread out in the crib, usually on his back.

That was the way Sam found him now; Dean was spread out, head to the side, pacifier still in place. Sam was nervous; this would be the first time he had to change Dean. He knew how; Castiel had told him the basics and where to find everything, but Sam hadn’t been there during a change. Deciding to tackle the issue head on (and it’s not as if Dean could blab to Castiel if he didn’t get it right the first time, which was a small blessing) he lowered the side of the crib and bent over his brother’s sleeping form.

Remembering that Little Dean needed all the love he could get, he didn’t go for a ‘wake up’ and wait. Instead, he cupped Dean’s cheek and stroked him with his thumb. “Dean…Dean… wake up…” he whispered and sure enough, Dean’s eyes started fluttering before they cracked open a bit. After a few blinks and an uncoordinated fist trying to rub at his eyes, Dean yawned, causing the pacifier to fall out.

Dean smacked his lips and frowned, looking at Sam. “Daddy?” he asked with a sleepy voice, looking around the room, trying to see behind Sam.

“Daddy’s not here right now.” Sam mumbled, trying not to hide his disappointment. Castiel had said that Little Dean was usually very happy, especially in the morning, because nothing made Dean feel better than a good night’s sleep. Sam understood though, he wasn’t what Dean had expected.

Sam carefully picked Dean up and sat him on his hip, noticing Dean didn’t ‘help’ him as much as he did when he was Big. Sam knew that when Dean regressed his legs wouldn’t really work and his motor skills were a bit stunted, he could feel that now. Tightening his hold, he hoisted Dean up a bit, putting one arm under his bum and walking over to the dresser.

Sam tried to do what Castiel had told him. After undressing him down to his diaper, he washed Dean’s face with a washcloth, Dean immediately going for his thumb when he was done. He also washed his armpits and rolled on some deodorant. “Little kids don’t smell, but adult babies do,” Castiel had said to him, “So make sure to use deodorant and shave him if you need to.” Dean didn’t need to be shaved today, Sam noticed, as he was only sporting a day-old scruff.

Sam would change Dean into his clothes for the day after breakfast since he was more willing to cooperate after he had food in his stomach. For now, a legless onesie (which he kept open because a diaper change was needed first) and an Elmo sweater would keep him warm enough. Castiel had explained that Dean did better with a routine. After getting him into the sweater, Sam sighed and looked at his brother, who had a thumb in his mouth and was babbling very seriously about something. Well, it sounded serious. Dean wasn’t looking at him, but at the mobile, one hand trying to slap it. Sam wondered if Dean would react to Sam changing his diaper, but he doubted if Dean even recognized Sam when he was Little. If he did, he didn’t show it.

Sam opened the diaper and tried not to stare too much. It was his brother’s junk. Even though he knew Dean was helpless, he knew Dean wasn’t Dean right now, he knew he had to do it, the fact remained.

This was Dean. Lady loving, leather jacket wearing, muscle car driving Dean. His big brother, who took care of him, raised him, and Sam never appreciated it enough. Dean helped him through everything. Dean taught him how to shave, how to talk to girls, how to act around John when he was in one of his moods. Dean who had even given him the sex talk. And now Dean was reduced to this, to someone who couldn’t even control his own bladder, to rely on others for basically everything.

Sam thought ‘Fuck it.’ He was going to do this. He was going to be a fucking adult about this and get on with it. He wasn’t going to go running to Castiel, who had his own stuff to deal with right now. He said he would help with Little Dean, so help he would.

But, oh, the questions.

Do I wipe everything? Do I wipe his butt too, even though he hasn’t pooped? He has red marks around his groin, does he need ointment? Oh God, what if the cap of the powder bottle falls off and it’ll be like a snowy mountain down there? If I touch it too much, am I playing with it? What if he gets hard? Sam had his face scrunched as he thought about this, making Dean laugh. Sam smiled and ruffled Dean’s hair. “Let’s do this big bro!” Might as well get it over with.

Sam grabbed two hospital gloves out of the box Castiel had ready. They were a size L, which were way too small for his large hands, but they would have to do. After grabbing the wipes, he wiped down the entire area, Dean helping by widening his legs. Dean didn’t think anything of it; when Sam had looked, Dean was looking around the room and absentmindedly sucking his thumb. After the surrounding area was clean, he took a hold of Dean’s penis. God, this was weird.

He knew he shouldn’t use a wipe there, so he grabbed the wet washcloth and pulled back the foreskin. Both he and Dean had never been circumcised. He cleaned it very gently, as he would with himself. Dean had squirmed a bit, discomfort on his face. “I’m sorry Dean, almost finished.”

It was all clean now, and Sam thanked his lucky stars that Dean hadn’t peed or gotten hard while he was busy. Now that would have been a disaster. Rolling Dean to his left side, he slid a new diaper under him. When Dean was on his back again, he put the ointment on the red spots and used a bit of powder. Thankfully that all went okay. Making sure that Little Dean’s Little Dean wasn’t hanging sideways, he tucked it in and fastened the diaper. After taking off the gloves he put both hands on the dresser, staring at Dean who was unfazed by everything that just happened. Not that Sam had expected any differently, but it was still disconcerting to witness.

After closing the onesie, he put Dean in some loose sweatpants and thick socks, then carried him downstairs. Breakfast was served with Dean in his high chair, eating his two bowls of porridge with vigour, Sam looking at him with wide eyes. Dean was still on the slim side, but boy did he have an appetite.

Castiel walked in, going straight for the coffee machine. The vet would come by at eleven, so Sam would take Dean upstairs before then. Maybe they could play a bit in the nursery. They had Duplo Legos after all.

“Everything go okay?” Castiel asked as he sat down the opposite side of Dean.

Sam scraped the last bit of porridge off Dean’s plate and put it in his brother’s mouth. “I think so. Changing the diaper was uh… a new experience.”

“I’ll bet,” Castiel said as he smiled softly. “But I take it you didn’t rush through it? I don’t want Dean developing a rash just because you wanted to get it over with…”

Sam knew Castiel was just being protective, but it still hurt a bit to think that Castiel thought Sam still wasn’t 100% okay with Little Dean. “Cas, listen. I understand the kind of care he needs. I took my time and I made sure everything was okay. I did the deodorant, checked if he needed to be shaved, cleaned him front to back down there. I admit it was awkward, but then again, it was only awkward for me. Dean can’t take care of himself right now and you need your time with Jax at the moment; it’s only natural that I help. Which I’m more than willing to do. So.”

Castiel smiled. “Knew you had it in you, Sam.”

Sam chuckled and ate the rest of his remaining porridge while Castiel cleaned Dean’s face. “Cas?”

“Yes, Sam?”

“Does Dean still… does he…” Sam mumbled.

“Does he what, Sam?” Castiel asked, now looking at Sam.

“Is he still like, the Dean I grew up with? When he’s Big? Does he chase after girls or go to a bar, watch bad action movies and you know…?” Sam knew the answer would probably be no, but he needed to hear it.

Castiel cleared his throat and sat at the kitchen table again. Sam could see the man was tired, nervous for when the vet came later, but this question had been on his mind since this morning and to be honest, he really wanted an answer.

“Yes and no. Dean is not a ladies man. Not as long as I’ve known him, anyways. He told me he doesn’t even feel that way about women anymore. He’s still straight, of course, it’s just that… he has no sexual interest. He does not get aroused anymore, never when he’s Little, barely when he’s Big. I’ve never seen him aroused, in any case. I’ve also never seen him flirt with a woman. But I’m thinking that has to do with the fact that even when he’s Big, he’s a bit Little, and just has no interest in them, other than being friends. Not that he has any female friends besides Charlie, who’s gay, so that’s a moot point.

“As for going out? He doesn’t. We go places, sure, but we go to Charlie or Benny. Dean has never expressed an interest to go to a bar or a club. He acts quite young, as I just said, even when he’s Big. I think we’d do him a much bigger favor by taking him to a zoo or a carnival. I have plenty of daytrips planned for next summer. And movies, well… he’s not really allowed to watch certain movies anymore.”

Sam frowned. “Why not?”

“Because he gets scared,” Castiel chuckled as he looked at Sam. “We watched Die Hard or something similar

Sam processed the information. Even Dean, Big Dean that is, who remembered Sam, who’s had this whole different life, is now someone else, so to speak. Sure, it’s still part Dean, but he’s this whole new person that came out of their shell when Cas came in the picture.

“I want to get to know that Dean,” He stated.

Castiel watched him with a smile and took away his empty plate. “And you will. What are your plans now?”

“Oh, I thought I could play with Dean some more upstairs. Grab those Legos and see what he makes of it.”

Castiel was carding his fingers through Dean’s hair, who’s leaning into the touch, still sitting like a king in his high chair. “You do that. I think he’ll love them. I must warn you, about an hour after breakfast is when he usually does a number two. Just so you know…” Castiel teased.

Sam sighed and stood up. “I think I’ll become a professional at changing Dean’s diaper soon enough.” He smiled as he picked up Dean, who seemed reluctant to leave the room when Daddy was still there.

The doorbell rang and Castiel stiffened. Dean seemed to sense the tension and started crying. Sam walked over to the monitor to shut it off, not wanting Dean’s cries to disturb what was about to happen. Taking a wailing Dean upstairs, Sam let Castiel go let the vet in.

~*~

“There you go! That’s amazing Dean!”

Dean beamed under the attention Sam was giving him. Little Dean did his best building towers, knocking them over and rebuilding them again. Sam gave him applause every single time, which was the only reason Dean was still doing it anymore.

His brother’s eyes were drooping and Sam figured Dean might be a bit tired from the early morning and the light stress of somebody who wasn’t Daddy taking care of him. A yawn confirmed Sam’s suspicions and he gingerly picked Dean up, walking over to the crib. “You take a light nap, huh? I’ll check downstairs. Want Elephant?” he asked as Dean made grabby hands towards the stuffed animal.

Dean clutched his elephant tight and Sam pulled up the covers. He wasn’t asleep just yet, but content to lay there. Sam turned the monitor on and went downstairs, checking to see how things were going.

When he got downstairs, he saw two people standing in the hallway. He walked over, wondering where Cas was. The man who was obviously the vet, was writing something down and the woman was looking at Sam.

“Where’s Castiel?” Sam asked the woman.

“We’re giving him a moment to say goodbye,” she explained. “We’ll go back in in a few minutes, then take Jax with us.”

She didn’t ask who he was, likely because they were in Castiel’s house and they probably assumed he was a family member. Which, he was. Still, he wanted to introduce himself.

“I’m Sam. I’m uh… his cousin.”  That would have to do. He didn’t want to expose Dean, who they probably didn’t even know, and tell them what? ‘Yeah, Castiel sort of adopted my brother who has the mental age of a two-year-old most of the time? I didn’t even know Cas until a few months back?’ That would probably cause no confusion at all.

“Hi Sam, I’m Jessica Moore. I’m the assistant to Dr. Cuevas.” She smiled gently. “Would you like to say goodbye to Jax as well?”

“No. No, I uh… he was Castiel’s dog. He was sweet, but I wasn’t that attached. Not that I don’t love dogs though!” he added, not wanting her to think he was completely heartless.

Dr. Cuevas looked up at Sam when he was done writing. “Nice to meet you, Sam. I think we’re going to go in now and take Jax with us.”

Sam nodded and went in with them. He didn’t want Castiel to be alone right now.

They walked outside, Castiel carrying Jax, his face red and blotted from crying.

After they drove away, taking Jax with them, Sam guided Castiel back inside. The man was numb, just following Sam’s lead. Sam knew Dean would be able to help him find some peace after this.

~*~

Walking into the nursery, the smell hit him first. The second was Dean’s unhappy face, scrunched up with discomfort, though boy wasn’t crying. Yet.

“Oh Dean, I’m so sorry! Castiel told me you would… I’m gonna… Okay let’s just do this. Sammy’s here,” Sam said as he picked Dean up, carrying him over to the changing table.

“Sammy?” Dean mumbled. Sam smiled. Dean was the only one who got to call him that, whether he was Big or Little. Why not stick to it?

“Yeah, I’m Sammy.”

He got Dean out of his sweatpants and got his supplies ready. Struggling into small gloves once again, he opened the diaper. Sam was lucky; it had kind of stayed in one place so he was able to use the diaper itself and just a few wipes to clean his bottom. The smell though, that was something else. “God, what did you eat?!” he exclaimed rather loudly, trying to breathe through his mouth to avoid the worst of the smell. It didn’t help one bit.

As he was getting Dean into a clean diaper, struggling with the sticky tabs, he noticed the boy had grabbed one of the wipes from the package and had put it in his mouth. Did that boy have an oral obsession or what? “You put EVERYTHING in your mouth. Jeez,” he said as he pulled away the wet wipe, leaving Dean staring at him as if he committed murder.

“Don’t look at me like that! Here, suck on this,” He said as he gave Dean a pacifier.

 Dean grumbled and pulled it out as soon as Sam’s hand had released it, then proceeded to chuck it to the floor.

“Don’t have anything then. I’m not picking that up.”

Dean glared at him and huffed, turning away to look at the wall.

Sam was finished with the diaper and had pulled out some Little clothes. They probably didn’t match, but Sam did his best. He did find the Bob the Builder shirt very adorable. Sam took another pacifier and tried to get Dean to take it. Dean wasn’t having it, his mouth in a thin stripe, turning away from Sam when he got near.

Deciding to give up the fight, he helped Dean in his outfit and then sat him on his hip. He had clipped the pacifier to Dean’s t-shirt. As they walked down the stairs, Dean tried to put his thumb in his mouth. “No, Dean.” Sam said as he took the pacifier and held it in front of his brother. “Either this, or nothing.”

Dean seemed to understand and scowled, but let Sam slid the pacifier in nonetheless.

Sam found Castiel in the recliner where he had left him and explained that Dean had wanted his thumb, and that that was why he was grumpy. Castiel just smiled and was happy to see his boy, so Sam set him in Castiel’s lap.

He decided to leave the pair alone and make some lunch.

A tray of sandwiches ready, he walked into the living room. Dean was huddled up against Castiel and they both had their eyes closed. It looked very snug and Sam didn’t really want to disturb them. He looked at the empty dog bed and sighed. Turning around, he grabbed a throw blanket and covered the pair. He bent down to kiss Dean on his temple and then quietly left the room.

Going back into the kitchen, he ate all three sandwiches himself. He’d make more when they woke up.

Chapter Text

It was quiet in the house. Castiel was sitting in the recliner, reading a book. Sam was on the couch, Dean draped over him, fast asleep. The TV was on, but on mute, as Dean had fallen asleep a while ago and Sam had followed shortly after. After silencing the TV, Castiel had covered them in a blanket and sat down again with a cup of coffee, enjoying some well earned rest.

Dean was still regressed and going on a few days now. Castiel knew the stress of losing Jax had made Dean’s adult mind retreat and for once he didn’t worry that this regression was taking longer than usual. He had Sam to help him if things got too much. The (biologically) younger Winchester had proven to be more than Castiel had expected. Sam helped him with Dean, sure, but he also helped around the house and did Big Dean’s chores, because he wasn’t in a position to do them right now.

Castiel was enjoying the peace and quiet for now, because in a few hours they would have company. It was Sunday today, so Benny would come over, but it was also Christmas Eve. Bobby, Aaron, Garth and Charlie were coming too. Sam was excited to meet them all; Castiel had told him about them and he couldn’t wait to meet the people who had welcomed Dean with open arms. Castiel felt sad that Dean probably wouldn’t remember much due to him being regressed, but knew Little Dean still loved the attention.

~*~

This was nice. This was a big man. A big Daddy. Not his own Daddy, but another one. He had long hair. Dean liked to pull it. Then the man would laugh. Dean liked him!

Snuggling up to this big man was fun too. This ‘Sammy’ person had very long arms and they could hold Dean very well. They were very snug. Whenever Dean would feel sleepy, this big man would let him sleep on him. This was better than any pillow. Of course, Dean still preferred his Daddy, but this Sammy was the next best thing. They also played together. Dean would build these big towers and then he would knock them over. It was really cool! And then Sammy would clap his hands and Dean would feel proud. This Sammy also stopped him thinking about Jeks. He was sad Jeks was gone. But surely he would come back?

The Sammy person was changing his diaper now. He didn’t mind. At first, he hadn’t been very good at it, but now he did it just as well as his Daddy did. Dean loved the cars floating above him. He tried to hit them with his fist, but he missed. Sammy laughed. Dean pouted. Not fair! Dean was a big boy, he could hit them, if he really wanted to. Sammy blew a raspberry on his belly. Dean squirmed and giggled. Crisis averted.

Sammy walked them downstairs. Dean felt really safe in those big arms, they held him up just as good as Daddy did. Dean smelled food! He turned his head around, still resting on Sam’s shoulder, but now he could look around the kitchen.

“What’s that Castiel?” Sammy asked Daddy.

“Something special for Dean…” Daddy replied.

Oh, oh! That’s my name! Dean thought to himself. Oh, Daddy. Dean squirmed and made grabby hands at his Daddy, who quickly took off his apron and then took Dean in his arms. Oh, this was nice. Being with Daddy was like coming home every time. Dean snuggled in tight and was basically straddling Daddy’s lap as Daddy sat down. Daddy was stroking his hair. Dean liked that, it felt extra safe. He could hear Daddy and Sammy talking but he wasn’t paying attention. The only thing he was concentrating on was Daddy’s hand in his hair and Daddy’s other hand holding him close.

***Sometimes Dean would think about all the other Daddy’s in his life. They were never this nice. This Daddy stayed. This Daddy never hurt him. This Daddy? This Daddy he could trust.

There had been many Daddy’s who didn’t understand him. They would speak to him in a very angry tone. They had hurt him. They had made bruises on his hips and they had made him bleed. They had put their thing in his bum and it had really hurt. He had screamed and cried but hadn’t been able to stop them. Was it weird that after that happened, he still wanted affection from those men? All he wanted were cuddles, for somebody to hold him.

Some of them had. Some of them had laid with him on the bed, cuddling close. Some of them had said ‘sorry’, even though Dean was already happy again because he was finally getting a loving touch.

There had even been one who had cleaned him up and had put him in a diaper after he was finished, after seeing his bag. But that was just the one time though.

There weren’t many of those. Most of them were bad Daddy’s. Some would call him a ‘retard’, but he wasn’t sure what that meant. It didn’t sound very nice. Others would slap him and tell him to ‘act normal’, but he didn’t know which other way to act? Dean was Dean.***

THIS Daddy, however. Oh, this Daddy, he could love this one forever. He was pretty sure he did. This Daddy took care of him from the very first time they met each other. This Daddy had never, EVER, hurt him. Sure, if he was being a bad boy he would have to sit in the corner. He didn’t like that. But they would always cuddle afterwards and to be honest; they cuddled most of the time.

Dean knew he wasn’t there all the time. He knew he was two different persons. He could remember some of the stuff that happened when he wasn’t busy being this Dean, but they were vague memories and he often didn’t understand them. He usually didn’t understand adults, so it was okay.

“Dean? Dean baby, where did you go?”

Dean looked up at his Daddy and blinked slowly, trying to figure out what that sentence meant. He usually responded to the tone of voice, rather than what was actually being said. He didn’t understand most of it, after all.

“You awake?” Daddy asked.

‘Awake’. Yeah, I’m awake. Dean nodded and smiled, causing Daddy to smile back and kiss him on the forehead. He liked forehead kisses. Daddy was the only one who got to do that.

“Does he do that often?” Sammy asked.

“Yeah. He just zones out a bit, I guess. I always wonder what he’s thinking about.”

“I’ll bet.”

Dean wasn’t paying them any attention. Instead, he just leaned forward, letting his head rest on Daddy’s chest while Sammy was cooking. After thinking about those bad Daddies, he just wanted to be with the one that loved him.

~*~

The doorbell rang and Castiel went to answer it, Dean still in his arms. Opening the door revealed Benny, surrounded by shopping bags.

“Food and presents for the Novak household,” he grinned. “Hey there Lil’ man!”

Castiel hoisted Dean up further as he moved aside to let Benny in. They headed to the living room, where the presents were put under the tree.

“He still regressed?” Benny asked.

Castiel nodded and kissed Dean on top of his head. “He’s been a bit quiet since this afternoon. Don’t really know what triggered it.”

Benny walked over and ruffled the boy’s hair. “He’ll perk up when the others get here. Meanwhile, I’ll be in the kitchen.” Benny said as he strode over, going to introduce himself to Sam.

Castiel sat on the sofa, holding his boy close. “Wish you could tell me what was going on in that head of yours, sweetheart. Why are you so quiet, huh?”

Dean didn’t reply, but kept still. Castiel sighed and stroked Dean’s back. He hoped Benny was right and that Dean would be distracted when the rest came. Maybe it was because Little Dean finally realized Jax was gone? Or something else? 

Castiel often wondered how the regression worked. Little Dean would remember certain things, like Jax, or that he was his Daddy, but other things were sometimes forgotten. It was as if a ‘reset’ button was pushed at random times. Sometimes Dean couldn’t crawl at all, other times he would still remember and do his best to crawl around the entire ground floor, tiring himself out and falling asleep in random places. Under a table, at the bottom of the stairs, next to the fridge. Although that last one wasn’t exactly random. Dean and food would always be a special relationship.

And then there were times where he would even say a few words, or try to repeat everything Castiel said. Other times the only thing he could do was babble, a mix of ‘oo’s’ and ‘aa’s’ and ‘bluuhh’ while blowing bubbles with his spit.

This regression was one of few words and lots of touch. This wasn’t independent Little Dean, this was clingy Little Dean whose lips would start to quiver as soon as Castiel was out of his sight. He’d been clingy ever since he zoned out in the kitchen.

Ah well, Castiel was here and he didn’t have to go anywhere. Castiel wouldn’t deny he loved giving Dean what he wanted, so he decided to lay down and let Sam and Benny do all the work for the Christmas dinner. Besides, Castiel remembered Thanksgiving. He wasn’t a chef, by any means.

Castiel sat upright against the armrest of the sofa, his legs spread out. He manhandled Dean so the boy was on his tummy, his legs between Castiel’s and his head on his chest. A pacifier was in his mouth and the boy had his arms tucked under him. Castiel was stroking his back and his hair at the same time, something he knew would have his boy melt into a puddle of goo in no time.

Sure enough, a few minutes later Dean’s breathing evened out and he went limp, totally relaxed and hopefully getting a good nap before the rest of the visitors would arrive. Castiel grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, sound off, and watched the news as he continued petting Dean’s hair.

~*~

Christmas dinner was great. Dean didn’t really let Castiel leave his side for the entire duration, but that was okay. Sam ended playing host for him, going to refill drinks or get some more mashed potatoes. Castiel sat next to Dean, mashing or cutting up his food as needed and making sure the boy didn’t eat himself sick. Dean squealed and giggled whenever somebody made a silly face, on one occasion Bobby’s face sending Dean into a total laugh meltdown. Dean got so red and laughed so hard he began gasping for breath and that’s when Castiel addressed the table to maybe cut it down with the silly faces for now.

When Castiel got up to go to the bathroom, Dean practically growled before he turned in his high chair, trying to grab Castiel’s ugly Christmas sweater (Charlie had brought them all the most horrendous sweaters imaginable in the honor of ‘Christmas spirit’) and stop him from walking away.

Castiel turned and looked down at the boy. “I’ll be right back sweetheart. Now, let go.”

Dean looked up and if there was ever a prize for puppy eyes, Dean would surely win. Dean’s lower lip began to wobble and he could see the eyes welling up. Wanting to keep Dean in good spirits and not have a temper tantrum that might ruin the dinner, he picked the boy up and headed upstairs to the nursery. Maybe Dean needed a bathroom break too.

Sure enough, the diaper was full. Dean went through quite a lot of diapers, but then again, the boy had a huge appetite so this was no surprise. Castiel was considering cloth diapers since they were more eco-friendly and better for his skin, and was going to look into those when the holiday stress was over.

As he was changing the diaper, he noticed Dean was staring at him. Dean never usually did that during a change, mostly he was content with looking around or playing with the mobile. Right now, Dean was watching his every move, a soft smile on his face. It was unusual behavior. Maybe he had come out of regression?

“Everything okay, sweetheart?” he asked as he closed the tabs on the diaper. Dean didn’t stop staring and smiling and Castiel frowned as he closed the onesie and pulled up the pants. When that was done, Dean lifted his arms.

Castiel picked him up and Dean clung tight. Tighter than usual. Bouncing him up and down a bit, he walked over to the window, their reflections visible.

Dean mumbled something and Castiel looked down. “What was that, Dean?”

“I remembered something…” he said. Big Dean was back.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” Castiel asked softly.

Dean sighed and looked at Castiel. “I’m not a retard, right?”

Castiel’s eyes widened. “Of course you’re not. Whoever gave you that idea? What do you… how…?” He sat down in the rocking chair, not wanting to go downstairs yet.

“I remember one of the bad Daddies and he called me a retard. Because I’m like this. And. I’m not a retard, right? He said I should act normal, that I should… and I couldn’t act normal because I was Little, Daddy!” Dean sniffed.

Castiel found it hard to reply. So he didn’t.

“And then when I couldn’t act normal he… he took me and… I had bruises on my hips for days I think. I screamed and I cried and nobody helped me and I…” he sobbed now.

“Shhh… shhh… It’s okay sweetheart, Daddy’s here…” Castiel whispered as Dean let go. Castiel figured Dean would benefit from letting it all out.

Dean clung desperately to Castiel as he let go with deep body-wracking sobs until he didn’t have any more tears left and then just sat shuddering brokenly as he tried to catch his breath.

All Castiel could do was hold him.

~*~

His head was hurting from all the crying. His cheeks were red and raw from trying to wipe away the tears. Daddy was rocking him gently in the rocking chair, whispering soothing words and letting him get it all out.

Dean had come out of regression during the diaper change. He was so touched by how Castiel was taking care of him. He couldn’t compare Cas to anyone. He had watched him while he was changing him, suddenly realizing that although Castiel had been doing this for months, he only now realized how differently things could have been. It had hit him like a freight train because some of Little Dean’s memories had popped up at the same time, throwing him for a loop.

Insecurities arised, as they often did with Dean, and once again he had this overwhelming need of Daddy telling him it was all going to be okay. He was the only one who got Dean to believe that.

Daddy did. Daddy sat with him in the rocking chair, telling him how he was Daddy’s special little boy, and that the word ‘retard’ would never be spoken in this household again. Daddy admitted that Dean needed special care, which Dean knew and was at peace with, but that didn’t mean Dean was dumb or any other degrading word. Dean was ‘special’, and he could live with that. ‘Special’ didn’t sound like a bad thing when Daddy explained it.

When Dean had calmed down enough, they headed downstairs. Dessert was still to be eaten and they couldn’t let that pass. As they walked into the kitchen, the room was quiet. Sam looked… guilty? The rest just looked a bit uncomfortable.

“Something the matter?” Daddy asked as he sat Dean down in his high chair. Dean looked over at the pie and couldn’t wait to get his hands on a piece.

“Can we talk in the other room for a bit?” Sam asked as he looked at Dean with red eyes. Had Sam been crying?

Dean didn’t really want Daddy to go, but Sammy had been crying, so he would allow it, for now. He probably wasn’t in a position to ‘allow’ things, but it was fun to pretend.

Daddy kissed his temple and walked out of the room with Sam, Dean’s eyes following them until he couldn’t see them anymore.

When he turned back to the table, his vision was suddenly blurred as there was red hair EVERYWHERE.

Charlie was hugging him, then pulled back and gave him kisses all over his face. Then she pulled him in for another hug.

Dean let it happen and wondered what that was about. As Charlie pulled back and looked at him, he noticed her eyes were red too. What the heck, had everybody been crying? As he looked around the room, he noticed everybody looked a bit… uncomfortable. As if they didn’t know what to do with themselves.

Benny was the one to speak up, after he had sat down in Castiel’s chair and cupped Dean’s cheek. “The um… the baby monitor was on, Lil’ Man. At first, we didn’t turn if off because it was just you and Cas and you were just babbling but then you started talking… We heard the first part of your talk and… well Sam turned it off, but not before you told Cas what happened.”

Benny looked ashamed and Dean didn’t quite know what to do. He was glad Benny told them what had happened but that didn’t make it less uncomfortable. They all knew… They knew he had been assaulted and how traumatizing it had been. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

The world was spinning and he could feel himself slipping. Oh God, this was a bad one. It was coming on faster than any other, too. No, no, no! He hadn’t regressed to infancy in weeks! Oh God, they all knew. They would all leave him. Daddy would stay, but everybody else… either they were going to pity him or they were going to avoid him. Who would want to be friends with someone as helpless and pathetic as him? And Sam… Sam knew now. Sam was probably packing his bags right this second. Everybody always leaves.

He could feel his muscles relaxing against his will. His body was slumping forward, unable to let himself sit up. Big, strong hands pulled him out of the chair and his limp body was pulled against a warm, solid presence. His head lolled back, but another hand was supporting that. His face was then tucked against… a beard?

He could vaguely hear Benny’s voice talking to him. “It’s okay Lil’ Man, we’ve got you. I’mma go get your Daddy and you’ll be just fine, okay?”

Benny’s voice wavered and he sounded close to tears. Dean was still there in his mind, but his body had given up. It would only be a few minutes until Dean’s mind would be fully regressed, too. This was bad.

He noticed the man who had a hand on his head was Bobby. Sweet, sweet Bobby.

Benny yelled out for Castiel and before he knew it, he was hauled into his Daddy’s arms, Sam helping him. Dean couldn’t help, even if he wanted to. Sam’s strong arms helped Daddy and Dean could feel he was almost gone now.

Not noticing Aaron, Garth and Charlie, who had been watching the scene from a distance, Dean was being taken upstairs, his legs dangling, head supported by Daddy’s hand. Sam walked behind them in case Daddy couldn’t hold the dead weight anymore.

The last thing he remembered was Daddy walking him through the nursery door.

~*~

Castiel walked over to the crib, Sam following him. Sam had no idea what was going on and he was freaking out. “Cas? Cas, what’s going on?”

The older man had laid Dean down and Sam noticed Dean wasn’t focused on anything. His eyes were vacant, his hands limp, not even reacting to the elephant Castiel put there. Castiel pulled up the covers and tucked Dean in, who remained on his back, not even curling up like usual.

As Castiel turned around he rubbed a hand over his face. “This is what he’s like when he regresses to infancy,” he explained. “He’s in a bad place right now. It surprised me he didn’t regress this bad after telling me about what happened to him, about what he remembered. He hadn’t told me in such… detail, before. It really shook him up.”

“Guys?” Benny asked. As both men turned around, they saw Benny in the doorway, Bobby behind him. Aaron, Garth and Charlie were probably there too. Castiel motioned Sam towards the hallway and closed the door when they were all there.

“Benny, what happened?” Castiel asked him.

“I told him about the baby monitor being on… I didn’t think he’d take it that bad! He just sorta… freaked, I guess. Then all of a sudden, he just fell forward. Just got my hands there in time before he smashed his nose on the tray.”

Castiel leaned against the door and Sam frowned. “Cas, isn’t the door supposed to be a bit open? Dean’s afraid in the dark.”

“Not when he’s regressed this much, he’s not. He’s not aware of anything at the moment. That’s what this type of regression does… he’s kind of catatonic.” Castiel explained.

Sam noticed Benny was looking very uncomfortable. Castiel noticed too and put a hand on Benny’s shoulder. “It’s okay Benny. This happens. Sure, I would prefer it didn’t, but knowing Dean… he probably had a freak out about everybody knowing, even though it was unintentional. He has severe abandonment issues and you knowing, he probably thought you all wouldn’t want to be there for him anymore. Dean thinks people don’t want to be friends with someone who needs so much care. That it would be too much work. I’ve been trying to talk him out of that, and so has Ellen, but… Dean is hard to convince, at times. Benny, please don’t feel guilty about this.”

It struck Sam once again how much responsibility Castiel had. How much energy he spent on everything regarding Dean. His respect for the man grew even larger.

Surprisingly, Bobby was the one who spoke up. “You let that boy know we all care about him, and that he’s an idjit for thinking so low of himself. He was hurt by a nasty son of a bitch, probably more than one, and none of that is his fault. Family don’t end in blood and I think we can all agree Dean’s family. Right?” he asked as he looked around. The group nodded and Sam felt honored to be a part of this moment. These people all loved his brother and he felt glad Dean had such a good support system. It made him feel less guilty about returning to college after New Year’s.

“So, I suggest we all go home and let Castiel and Sam here take care of Dean. We had a great Christmas dinner as long as it lasted and we could all come together again for another dinner when Dean’s Big.” Bobby added.

~*~

Both men walked to the nursery when everybody had left and the kitchen was tidy again. Castiel opened the door and walked over to the crib, where Dean was exactly as they had left him, but now with some drool dribbling down to the pillow and the smell of urine in the air.

Castiel had explained to Sam that ‘infancy Dean’ was hard to take care for and that he was grateful he had Sam as back up. Picking Dean up was more difficult because there wasn’t any cooperation at all.

He saw Castiel put a hand under Dean’s legs and under his shoulders, carrying him over to the changing table like that, Dean’s head lolling backwards. This was way different than normal, but the only way you could pick him up by yourself without dropping him.

Standing next to Castiel as he laid Dean down, Sam pulled Dean’s legs so they would straighten. Castiel put a hand under Dean’s head and put his head right. When he had put Dean down his head was in an unnatural angle and Castiel had to help him. Sam could cry with how bad he felt for his brother.

“How long does this usually last?” Sam asked, afraid of the answer.

Castiel seemed to understand the fear in the question, and looked up at Sam. “Usually not long. A day, maybe two. It’ll be okay, Sam.” He said as he squeezed Sam’s shoulder.

Sam needed more than that, but he was afraid to ask. Snuggling had been nice, and Dean was a regular snuggle bunny these days. At this moment Sam felt terrified, afraid for Dean’s health, and he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. Castiel was the one who took care of them. Maybe Castiel didn’t notice, but Sam looked up to him more and more and right now, Sam wished he could get a bit of love, too. Not that he needed to be Little like Dean, but he did need someone to talk to. Someone who would tell him things would be okay. He was getting way too emotional, he knew, but he couldn’t help it.

He helped Castiel change Dean. Widening Dean’s legs when Castiel was cleaning up, lifting up a leg when Castiel helped Dean in a clean pair of sweatpants, wiping drool when necessary.

“Your hands clean?” Castiel asked.

Sam frowned, but nodded. “Yeah, why?”

“Put your pinkie in Dean’s mouth. See what happens. Upside down, though.”

Sam didn’t expect anything, Dean was catatonic, but after some consideration he slipped his pinkie in. Dean started suckling. Suckling!

“He’s… Cas, he’s… he’s suckling!”

Castiel smiled. “Just wanted to remind you Dean’s not completely gone right now, Sam. He’s still there… just, not all of him.”

Sam felt relieved. Cas had seen straight through him. Here he was, completely freaking out about Dean and Castiel had eased his nerves just like that.

“Now, give him a pacifier and let’s put him back to bed.”

After they’d laid Dean down and he had closed his eyes, Sam turned on the music box and left the door ajar, just in case.

Both men walked downstairs, Castiel getting coffee for both of them. As they sat on the sofa, Sam felt that loneliness creeping in again. The TV was on, but he wasn’t really paying attention. He kept thinking about Dean, and about how this was the weirdest, but also nicest Christmas he’d had in a long time. Right now though, he just felt jittery, Dean’s infancy at the front of his mind. Castiel seemed to notice and what was it about that man?! Could he read minds or what?

“Sam, come here.” Castiel said as he set down his coffee.

Sam looked at him, wanting clarification. “What do you… how…”

“You Winchesters…” Castiel chuckled. “You’re fidgeting. Probably worrying about something you can’t do anything about at this moment. When Dean gets like that, he needs to be told it’s all going to be okay. My guess is you’re feeling the same way right about now. You just watched Dean and what his regressions are truly capable of… it wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if that freaked you out. I’d be more surprised if you weren’t. So let me help you like I help Dean and just come here,” Castiel lifted his arm.

Sam practically threw himself at Cas, flopping down sideways, curling up against Castiel’s chest. It was probably a very awkward sight, long-limbed Sam trying to curl up to the shorter man, but they made it work. Sam put his arms around Castiel and relaxed against him as Castiel in return stroked his back.

“It’s all going to be okay, you know. Dean will be just fine. He’s got family, remember? He’s got us, and Benny, Bobby and all the rest. He’ll come back to being Big soon, just you wait and see.”

Sam let a tear escape and sniffed, prompting Castiel to add more soothing words to his speech. “It’s okay Sam… let it out. Everything’s going to be okay.”

And if Sam cried some more and pretended for a few moments that Castiel was kind of a father to him too, then nobody would know. Getting this kind of love and attention was amazing and he knew he would initiate a lot more cuddling with Dean (and Cas) in the future. Dean was usually the one to ask, but those tables might turn. Sam loved this and he hadn’t realized this was something he needed too.

Castiel said nothing and just held him as they watched TV, the only sound coming from the TV and Sam’s occasional sniffles.

Chapter Text

“Morning sweetheart,” Castiel said as he lowered the side of the crib. Blank eyes stared up towards the ceiling, giving no recognition and blinking sleepily. Castiel lifted Dean up under his shoulders and knees, then carried him over to the dresser, where Sam was waiting.

Sam helped position Dean so they could wash him and put him in a snug outfit for today.

“Hey Dean,” Sam whispered as he wiped Dean’s face with a warm washcloth while Castiel started to wash the rest of Dean’s body. Dean didn’t look at Sam, didn’t flinch, but began to suckle as Sam popped in a pacifier. “Sleep well?” he asked though he knew he wouldn’t get a reply.

Castiel chuckled and looked at Sam. “I think Dean sleeps well no matter what state he’s in.”

Sam carded his fingers through Dean’s hair and looked at Castiel. “Do you think he needs to be shaved?”

Castiel glanced over at Dean’s face and nodded. “Best to do it now. Supplies are in the bathroom.”

Sam went to get the shaving cream and a razor and shaved Dean carefully, terrified to nick his skin. It was done soon enough; Dean looked (and smelled) as fresh as a daisy. Together they dressed Dean in the same outfit he had on at Christmas Eve, because it was his favorite.

Castiel helped Sam get Dean in a good carrying position, so his face was sideways on Sam’s shoulder and Sam could put an arm under his bum. Sam carried him downstairs, sitting down on the sofa as Castiel prepared a bottle.

This routine worked for them, they did it yesterday, too. The day before yesterday was Christmas Eve, so Dean had been regressed for about a day and a half now and so far, showed no signs of getting back.

Sam lowered Dean down so he could have an arm under Dean’s shoulders and Dean’s head was against his chest. Castiel walked in with the bottle, giving it to Sam. As Sam put the nipple of the bottle in Dean’s mouth, he started suckling with enthusiasm, as far as that was possible in his state of mind. Castiel then headed back into the kitchen to start breakfast.

Castiel and Sam had another talk yesterday, which was necessary after the small breakdown Sam had had the night before. Getting things out in the open worked well for Sam and he was glad that he could confide in Castiel, who made him look at certain aspects of his life in a different point of view. Sam admitted that he was lonely; he had some friends at college, but those were superficial relationships and he knew those wouldn’t last. Most of them were stuffy rich kids with whom he didn’t connect. It seemed they all went on skiing trips and family holidays while Sam was on a scholarship and had thought he would have to stay on campus. If it hadn’t been for Castiel and Dean allowing him to come over, his Christmas would’ve been terrible. For a while he had been a bit jealous of Dean, even though that was unnecessary. Dean had a home base now, someone who loved him unconditionally and Sam knew he wanted that too. That feeling only got stronger when Castiel treated him as if he was family. Sam loved it, but was afraid it wouldn’t last. After all, he would be going back to Stanford and he wouldn’t see them for a couple of months.

The older man had listened to everything Sam had to say, speaking when he didn’t agree or when he needed to ease Sam’s doubts. He had explained that Sam would always have a room here and if he didn’t know what to do with himself after getting his college degree, he could come stay here while he thought about it. They had agreed Sam could talk to Dean about turning one of the guest rooms into ‘Sam’s room’ when Dean was Big again. Maybe it would be a brotherly bonding thing, Castiel had said.

The relief Sam had felt when Castiel told him this had caught Sam off guard, but he welcomed it nonetheless. Castiel noticed and put a halt to the chores they were supposed to be doing and insisting on a movie marathon afternoon, to keep their minds occupied and relaxed. They had spent the entire afternoon watching movies and eating popcorn, checking on Dean regularly and taking turns with diaper changes and feeding time. Sam knew he had a home now; a place to go to whenever he wanted. Just like Dean.

A gagging sound woke Sam from his daydreams and when he looked down he saw that Dean wasn’t swallowing well and that the adult formula was dripping down his chin. Setting the bottle away quickly, he pulled Dean up by his armpits and held him against his chest, softly patting his back as Dean got it all out.  “I’m sorry, Dean… it’s okay, you’re okay,” he said as he rocked back and forth a bit.

“Everything alright in here?” Castiel asked as he walked in.

“Yeah, it’s okay. Dean was guzzling the stuff down too fast.” Sam replied as he pulled Dean back to look at the damage. Man, if his brother could see himself now. Even with formula dripping down his chin he was still too cute for words.

Breakfast was lovely, Castiel had made French toast and scrambled eggs, some bacon and fresh orange juice. “I think we deserve a big breakfast like this, don’t we Sam?”

Sam grinned and shoved another fork full of eggs into his mouth, wishing Dean could’ve enjoyed the spread too. After breakfast, Sam went upstairs to shower and change, having been in his pajamas for the first half of the morning. Castiel stayed downstairs with Dean, knowing he could come back to himself at any moment. They’d rather he wake up with one of them close, instead of alone in the nursery.

~*~

Dean could slowly feel the control coming back to him. A wiggle of his toes, a twitch in his fingers. The ceiling was still the only thing he could see and wasn’t that a sad sight? White ceilings aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Maybe Daddy could put some posters up for moments like this.

He was getting frustrated now; he knew it could take up to half an hour before he was fully himself and if he was with Daddy, that was okay, but he couldn’t see anything other than the ceiling and he didn’t hear anything either.

Remembering Christmas Eve made his stomach drop. They all left. Everybody always left. Sam was probably back at Stanford again, having changed his mind about Dean and what he needed. Dean wondered though; Sam had seemed so genuine and caring these last few days. He knew the way Sam had acted was too good to be true. The rest had probably still felt the same. The only one who accepted him was his Daddy, but where was he now? He couldn’t hear him. Trying to make a sound, he let out a grunt. Nothing happened.

He tried again, this time it came out as a long groan. Again, nothing.  Third time is a charm, right? Another groan, but still no success.

Trying to make sense of everything, he focused on his body. He was in a diaper, which was good. It was full though. How long had he been laying in it? Finally, being able to look down, he saw he was in the same outfit as he was on Christmas Eve. Did they ever change him? Did Daddy take care of him?

He was on the play mat in the kitchen. Huh. Maybe he never even left the room. How long had he been laying here? His back wasn’t stiff or sore, so not long right? He remembered waking up from infancy before he met Castiel; he would be stiff, unbelievably hungry and thirsty, and his bottom would be uncomfortable as hell with being in his own waste for too long.

Right. He needed to think this through. He was quite comfortable; Daddy at least put him on the play mat, which was soft and cushiony, yet he was still in the same outfit. He knew Daddy had difficulties carrying Dean when he was regressed this much. When he had the mindset of a two-year-old, he would try his best to hold on to Daddy. When he was an infant, he couldn’t.

So, did this mean everybody left? Daddy couldn’t carry him up, so he left Dean in the kitchen? He could feel tears coming as he realized that they all left Daddy. They left Daddy to deal with Dean on his own. Leaving Dean he could understand, but leaving Daddy? That wasn’t fair. Daddy hadn’t done anything wrong.

Tears were streaming now and he was sobbing quietly. Still there was nobody in the kitchen. He was cold, his diaper was full and everybody who he thought were their friends, had abandoned them. Dean was responsible for driving Daddy’s friends away. Daddy had told him he was glad he had made new friends through Dean, but now they wouldn’t come back.

The guilt Dean felt was immense. He had ruined his Daddy’s life. Maybe it was best if he went away.

Waiting for his body to listen to his mind had never seemed so long as it did now.

~*~

Castiel walked back into the kitchen after a struggle in the living room. He had been pushing the sofa around and the table too, then he’d hauled blankets and pillows from the bedroom to make a huge nest so they could all watch movies together. It would be more comfortable than on the sofa and this way they could have Dean laying in the middle. They would know immediately if something was wrong instead of having to go up to the nursery every half hour. Sam had told Castiel that he really liked the movie marathon they did yesterday and Castiel was more than happy for a repeat session, but now with both his boys. He had left Dean on the play mat, confident he could be alone for fifteen minutes as he fought with the furniture. And besides, the kitchen was right next to the living room so he would hear if Dean had come out of regression.

There was no Dean on the play mat.

Castiel looked around and saw nothing. Surely Dean would’ve come to him if he was Big again? But didn’t that take at least half an hour? He hadn’t heard a cry or a ‘Daddy’, but then again, pushing the sofa around had made some loud noises. Walking up the stairs he called out to Sam, who came out of the bathroom freshly showered and dressed.

“What’s up?”

“Have you seen Dean?”

Sam looked alarmed. “No… why? Cas? What’s going on?” Sam asked as Castiel strode over to the nursery. Maybe Dean went there.

Castiel pushed the door open, but his son wasn’t there. His Little clothes, that they had just put him in this morning, were thrown on the dresser and the top two drawers were open. Walking over to the closet, he noticed Dean’s duffel bag was gone.

“Castiel??” Sam asked, now sounding very nervous.

“Why would he? He’s…” Castiel mumbled as he tried to collect his thoughts.

Castiel turned and ran down the stairs, Sam’s heavy footsteps behind him.

Quickly putting on some shoes, he opened the front door and ran out to the garage. Relief flooded his body as he saw his boy sitting behind the wheel of the Impala, although he was shivering and crying.

Opening the car door, Dean looked up with despair in his eyes. “Couldn’t… couldn’t leave home Daddy…” he choked out, the crying turning into body wracking sobs as he turned his body towards Castiel.

Castiel pulled him out and Dean clung tight, wrapping his legs around the other man’s waist and crying like his life depended on it.

~*~

“Dean?” Sam whispered as he moved closer. Dean was full on panicking, his breath stuttering and his sobs doing weird things to Sam’s insides. All he wanted was for Dean to be okay and right now he certainly wasn’t.

As Sam said Dean’s name, Dean’s head bolted up and green wide eyes were suddenly staring at him. “Sam?” he whined confused, then repeated Sam’s name repeatedly until he was running out of breath.

“He didn’t leave… he didn’t leaheaheave…” he sobbed out into Castiel’s shoulder. Castiel was facing Sam now, his confusion clear. After rocking and swaying Dean a bit, he seemed to have calmed down, but not much. He was still crying hysterically and that’s when Castiel motioned Sam over.

“Do you… do you want me to leave then?” Sam asked, completely freaking out.

“NO!” Dean yelled, then turned in Castiel’s hold and threw himself at Sam, who caught him just in time.

Sam hoisted him up in his arms and Dean clung tight just as he had with Castiel.

“Don’t leave, please… pleaheahease don’t leave me-eee…” he cried as Sam tightened his hold.

Sam kissed Dean on top of his head. “I promise Dean. I won’t leave. I won’t.”

Castiel gestured to the house. “Let’s go inside, where it’s nice and warm.”

Sam carried Dean inside and after Castiel had taken his shoes off Dean squirmed and cried out for Castiel, wanting his Daddy, who took him in his arms again. Sam was still questioning what the hell was going on.

“Right. We are going to go into the living room and you are going to tell us what happened,” Castiel said to Dean, who was still whining and crying his eyes out.

Sam followed Castiel into the living room, surprised at the enormous pile of blankets and pillows stacked together. It looked very comfortable. Castiel sat down with Dean in his lap, then let himself fall back with Dean next to him. Sam decided to lay down next to Dean, making sure his brother felt safe in between his Daddy and his brother.

Dean was still turned towards Castiel, but the crying had stopped as he had looked around at the living room, too. “’s this, Daddy?” he asked softly, sniffles interrupting every word.

“This is our nest. We were going to spend the afternoon watching movies in here. I was busy setting it up while you were in the kitchen.”

“’s nice, Daddy…”

“I know. Now, do you want to tell me what is going on? You scared me, Dean. You scared Sam, too.”

Dean didn’t say anything and tried to burrow further into Castiel’s side, but he wasn’t having it. Sam knew that was the fatherly part. He would’ve let Dean cuddle up to him and never explain anything.

“Dean. Tell me. The sooner you tell me, the sooner we can have fun and watch a movie.”

Dean sighed, and Sam was frustrated he couldn’t see Dean’s face.

“’s scared Daddy… thought everybody left. Was still in kitchen. You must have been alone. They left you too Daddy!”

“Who left me?” Castiel asked as he stroked Dean’s hair, apparently ignoring the snot bubble Dean had growing from his nostrils. He hoped that wasn’t a common thing for Cas, but it appeared so.

“Thought… ‘cause they all knew… about, what happened. Sam left and then the rest too… they left you because they left me!” he ended up yelling, tears starting up again. Sam felt horrible. Did Dean really think Sam had been acting all this time? He loved his brother. He wouldn’t leave him over what had happened to him. Never.

Sam knew Castiel was getting ready to say something, but he needed to set this straight. Yes, he was worried, and yes, he was sad, but now he was just angry. “Dean, please look at me.” Dean turned around gingerly, then backed up towards Cas, who held an arm around his waist. After Sam had wiped Dean’s snotty nose, making Dean’s face scrunch up in utter adorableness, he went in for the kill.

“I know your self-esteem is shot to hell. I know you think you don’t deserve anything, when in fact you deserve EVERYTHING. We all love you. Cas loves you, I love you, and so does everyone else. Was me being here a lie? Did you think I was just acting when I said I was sorry? How dare you, Dean! How dare you think I would leave my own brother? You raised me better than that.”

Sam had never realized how deep Dean’s self-esteem issues really were, but this incident gave him plenty of information about that and to think that Dean hadn’t shared his struggles with him, hurt his feelings more than he expected. He thought they were getting on the right path, but maybe Sam wanted things to be perfect way too quickly. Dean needed more time than Sam and right now that was killing him.

Dean blinked and didn’t make eye contact. He probably felt ashamed, and Sam was just getting started.

“Don’t think for a second that I don’t love you. Because I do. I love you so much. It hurts me to think about everything that happened to you. Every day, every hour, I wish this never happened to you. But it did.

“And now? Now you have this wonderful man who takes care of you. He gives you everything, Dean. You really think leaving him is going to make him happy? I think Castiel wouldn’t survive if he lost you. We need you just as much as you need us. It’s time you accepted that you need so much care and stop worrying about what it’s doing for us. We take care of you because we love you. Castiel takes care of you because he loves you. You need to understand that, even though you think it’s only give, give, give from our end, but it’s not.

“We all give, but we take, too. Castiel gives you love, security, boundaries. He gives you clothes, money, food. But he takes, too. He takes in your laughter, your cuddles, your cries. Your sniffles, your hilarious facial expressions, your sweet side. We all take that in. We all enjoy it. What we need in this, is seeing you happy. Because when you’re happy, everything is okay.

“Please don’t you ever dare and think about leaving again. You’re smarter than that. I know you said you couldn’t, just now. I’d like for you to change that to ‘wouldn’t.’ Don’t frighten us like that. Especially Castiel. I’ve never seen him so afraid. He’s your father now, Dean. Your father. You’re the luckiest son of a bitch I have ever seen.” Castiel glared at him for the B-word and Sam mouthed a ‘sorry’, but he knew te words would have an impact on his brother, and that was what he was aiming for.

Sam let the silence after his little speech do the work, letting the words sink in to Dean’s thick skull.

The boy in question was shivering, curling up against Castiel again, who was re-assuring him with sweet words and gentle strokes on his back. Sam pulled a blanket from somewhere and laid it out over Dean.

“I’m sorry if I went too far,” Sam said, realizing he might have scared Dean with his words.

 “Don’t be… ‘s what I needed.” Dean mumbled.

Castiel looked at Sam and nodded. “I’ll talk to Dean some more tonight. For now, I think it’s best if we let the topic go and try to get our minds on other things. Sam, pick a movie and get us all some bad lunch. There are Cheetos and Oreos in the cupboard.”

“Finding Dory!” Dean yelled out as Castiel carried him upstairs for a diaper change and getting back into his cozy Little clothes.

Sam raised an eyebrow at the request for a fish with a memory-issue, but did as he was asked.

After Castiel had come down with a snuggly Dean and about half the stuffed animals from his crib (‘They need to see the fish too,’ Castiel had quoted his son with an eye roll), they all sat down in the pillow fort and ate Cheetos and Oreos, watching Finding Dory.

Both Sam and Castiel chuckled as Dean talked to his elephant about Dory, explaining that this wasn’t a girls movie, but ‘okay for everyone’.

“Not gonna apologize for loving that fish. Not to you, not to anyone, Mister Elephant.”  

Chapter Text

Christmas and New Year’s went by quickly. When Dean came back from his infancy regression and had gotten an earful from Sam, he followed his brother around like a lost puppy for a few days afterwards. Sam and Dean had turned one of the guest rooms into ‘Sam’s room’, complete with a new coat of paint, some posters and a new desk. Sam had taken Dean with him to the hardware store, promising to Castiel to keep an eye out.

Dean wasn’t allowed to go to places on his own (for now), not until his mental and physical age were the same. Dean had been acting small even in his Big headspace for a long time now and had shown no signs of ever being really Big again, not like he was before Castiel found him. It seemed that in the end, 'normal' Dean (the happiest Dean, which was the most important thing to Castiel - all he wanted was for his boy to be happy, no matter what state of mind) would be the mental age of about ten or eleven years. During one of many father-son talks, Castiel found out that Bobby would sometimes let Dean go out to run errands for the shop. Castiel had thought he had made it quite clear to Bobby that Dean couldn’t handle that and it was a miracle nothing had happened yet. The old man had brushed it off, saying that Dean knew full well how to handle his cellphone, with Castiel and Bobby on speed-dial.

Castiel felt as if his opinion on this matter was disregarded by Bobby. He didn’t address it with Dean, because it was not Dean’s doing, it was Bobby’s. Bobby was right about one thing; nothing bad had happened yet. That didn’t mean it couldn’t though. He decided he would talk to Bobby again about this issue because he needed to make sure that the older man understood how quickly things could go wrong with Dean. He thought Bobby knew how serious Dean’s regressions could be, and how quickly they could manifest. The last time they spoke about it was before Dean regressed to infancy during Christmas Eve. Now that Bobby had seen with his own eyes, he might be feel differently.

For the moment, things with Bobby would have to take a backseat since Sam was leaving today and nobody was looking forward to it. Sam had been quiet yesterday, packing his bags and then having some one-on-one time with Dean. The younger Winchester had been a great help and Castiel was sad to see him go. It was necessary, Sam had college to finish, but he felt as if he couldn’t keep a close eye on Sam as much as he wanted to. Still, Sam had to finish Stanford, and spring and summer holidays weren’t that far away.

Castiel was baffled when Sam had asked if it was really okay for him to spend the summer with them. He thought he’d gotten through to Sam, but apparently not. Once again, he explained that Sam had a home now and his own room in the house. Sam just ducked his head and mumbled a ‘just checking’, which earned a glare from Castiel.

“You’re family, Sam. Not only Dean’s family. Remember that,” Castiel had said as he had walked out of the kitchen.

That was a few days ago. It was funny how they went by so quickly, when the first half of the holiday had gone so slow; with everything regarding Jax, it had been overwhelming. On New Year’s Eve they had set off fireworks. Castiel had been a bit wary with letting Dean near them, but Sam was a great help and had done most of the work. Dean had squealed and giggled when the first big ones went up in the air, screaming with joy after they popped. It had taken them over half an hour to go through the entire stash of fireworks and Castiel was enjoying seeing Dean so happy. Castiel told them they would have to clean up the mess the next day, which they did without moping. Dean was already getting excited about the 4^th of July and what kind of fireworks they should get then. Sam had reined him in a bit, understanding his excitement but pointing out that there were many other things coming first, like Dean’s birthday. All in all the last few days had been good, the brothers bonding even more and both of them taking guidance from Castiel, each in their own way. Castiel had noticed that Sam sought Dean out more and more after he had come out of his regression, initiating physical touch more than before. Dean latched on to Sam with no second thoughts; the boy indulged himself in all things ‘Sam’ and tried to get as much cuddle time in before it was time to say goodbye.

Sam came down with his suitcase in his hand, Dean following him. Dean was still Big, but wearing jeans, his Elmo sweater and Mr. Elephant was clutched in his hands. Dean was getting attached to the elephant a little bit more every day. Castiel wondered if he should buy another one, maybe two, just in case. This one was getting a bit dirty and he didn’t know how Dean would cope if this one had to lift a ride with a load of wash. Getting separated from his elephant was a no-go at the moment.

Castiel wondered if the elephant helped him with his regressions. He had overheard Dean talking to his favorite stuffed animal (while Big) several times now.  Castiel sat in the kitchen one night with a cup of coffee and his tablet, reading the news, just having put Dean to bed when he heard him over the baby monitor. The boy would usually babble a bit, maybe sing a song, but lately he’d been talking to elephant, too. Mostly about what his day had been like, what he’d been doing, how things were with Sam and Castiel.

Ellen had warned him that Dean would likely search for something or someone to share his emotions with and not to be surprised if that was a stuffed animal or something similar.

Castiel considered the fact that elephant might be a replacement for Jax, knowing Dean always talked to Jax about his day or what was on his mind. Dean missed the dog terribly, as did Castiel, but Dean was coping with it as best he could. Castiel had tried talking to Dean about Jax, but the boy wouldn’t have it and would either change the subject or start crying. One time he even crawled away to hide under a table, claiming Daddy was being too ‘pushy’. He’d let it rest since then.

Pondering all of this, he was surprised when someone was waving a hand in front of his face. It was Sam, who chuckled as Castiel blinked a few times, getting back to the here and now.

“You back with me, Cas?”

Castiel cleared his throat and looked around. “Yes, yes, I’m here. Where is Dean?”

“Oh, he went outside to put the suitcase in the trunk. Listen, Cas, I just wanted to say thank you.” Sam said as he put on his shoes, Castiel doing the same.

“No worries, Sam. I’m looking forward to having you back and so is Dean. Spring break isn’t that far away if you think about it.”

Castiel shrugged on his coat and saw Dean’s jacket still on the coatrack. He grabbed it and hoped Dean had at least put on his shoes. Being Big didn’t mean the boy was taking care of himself.

Walking outside, he handed a shivering Dean his coat. “In the car, now. I don’t want you getting sick,” Castiel said as Sam got in the back seat. Dean went to sit beside Sam, curling up to him, getting a snuggle session in before he had to say goodbye. Castiel started the Impala and set the heat on high as he drove them towards the airport.

~*~

“You doing okay, Dean?” Castiel asked as he carried his boy inside. Dean had fallen asleep on the way back and just woke up. He was miserable and hadn’t wanted Sam to go, Castiel knew. He felt the same, but Dean felt it more intense. Sam was his brother, after all, and they did have a wonderful holiday together.  Sure, there had been a few lows and breakdowns, but the happy moments more than made up for them, and it seemed to have gotten through to Dean that Sam had no intention of cutting Dean out of his life.

Castiel was glad things had gone so well and hoped he could have a few quiet weeks before Dean’s birthday bash at the end of the month. He’d asked Sam about maybe helping him with some ideas for presents and Sam had helped him generously.

“’m fine,” Dean grumbled as he burrowed his head into Castiel’s neck. Castiel walked upstairs, still in his shoes and coat, it was hard to get those off with Dean in his arms.

As he laid Dean down on the dresser, he helped the boy out of his shoes and jacket, then went to change his diaper. Dean usually only peed in his diaper when he was Big. He’d leave number two for the toilet, not wanting Castiel to have to clean him up when he could avoid it. Even though Castiel had said he didn’t mind, Dean still felt a bit ashamed and tried to hold it in when he was Big if there was no toilet around.

However, letting go more and more had somehow caused his body to relax too. It had been getting harder for him to hold that part in and Castiel knew it. He had smelled it in the car but hadn’t said anything, Dean’s red cheeks said enough.

He didn’t look at Castiel when he heard him put on his gloves and felt him opening the onesie. Castiel kept watching Dean, thinking he might get a reaction. There had been a time when Dean had batted his hands away when he had found out he had pooped a tiny bit when he was Big (apparently, he hadn’t even felt it) and had practically ran to the bathroom, closing it and cleaning himself. He only came back to lay down on the dresser so Castiel could apply cream, powder and fasten a new diaper.

Right now though, Dean was docile, letting Castiel take care of him. Castiel didn’t know if this was a step forward or Dean just didn’t care anymore. Maybe he was too occupied with Sam to worry about anything else.

Castiel cleaned him thoroughly from front to back, then put salve on the area around his groin, which was once again red. “I was thinking about buying cloth diapers for you, do you think you would like that? They have all sorts, with dinosaurs on , turtles or things from Disney movies. Would you like that?”

Dean took his thumb out of his mouth and looked at Castiel, who was unfolding a new diaper. “This too expensive?” he asked with wide eyes.

Silly boy, he knew Castiel had more money than he could ever spend. He knew this wasn’t about money. “You know money is no issue, Dean.”

Dean squirmed as Castiel rolled him over to slide under the diaper. “Why then?” he mumbled as he was turned back onto his back.

“I’ve read they’re much better for the skin, allowing it to breathe. Yes, better for the environment too, but I’m selfish on this point. We’re going to try them out for your benefit, see if they are more comfortable. If they’re not, we’re going back to disposables, environment be damned.  Maybe this could help with the diaper rash that keeps returning. It must be uncomfortable for you, all that itching.”

While Castiel closed the tabs, Dean popped his thumb back in. “Mkay I guess,” he mumbled around it.

“You’ll love them,” Castiel said softly as he put Dean in some soft sweatpants. Jeans had been good for going out, but they were staying in the rest of the day so it was time to get comfy.

After carrying Dean downstairs and setting him on the sofa to watch some Dora (which Dean secretly loved), Castiel switched into something comfortable himself and then made lunch.

The afternoon was spent eating grilled cheese, watching Dora and Paw Patrol, then finished with pizza. Castiel loved every minute and so did Dean until he fell asleep with his head on Castiel’s belly, snoring softly and drooling.

Castiel looked over at the windowsill, which now held a place for Jax’s small urn. Sam had picked up Jax’s ashes from the vet clinic (Castiel knew Sam had a small thing for the assistant, Jessica) and brought him home. Castiel wondered if they should get another pet, but didn’t want the hassle of a puppy. Dean was a full-grown puppy by himself. A rescue would be better, but that would have to wait until things were settled a bit more.

~*~

“Hi Dean!” Garth exclaimed as Castiel and Dean walked in. Dean let go of Cas’ hand and walked over to Garth, giving him a hug.

Garth took Dean with him over to Aaron’s workstation, showing him what he had been working on.

Castiel walked towards Bobby’s office, wanting to talk to him about letting Dean do stuff on his own. After receiving a grumbling reply once he had knocked on the door, he walked in, Bobby’s desk covered in paperwork as usual.

“Hi son. Dean settled in?” he asked as he tried to find something under the stacks of paper.

Castiel nodded and sat down in the seat opposite Bobby. “He’s with Garth, he’s fine.”

“Good, good. Usual today? You pick him up at four or is he in for half a day?”

“Depends. If he’s doing okay, send me a text and I’ll pick him up at four. If not, I’ll be here by lunch,” Castiel said as he watched Bobby try to make sense of the mess on his desk. It was always worse after a holiday. Castiel usually helped him out with that, but he had his own job too and didn’t get around to doing much during the holidays. He planned on spending the day at home, getting back to translating.

“Something else I can help ya with, boy?” Bobby asked.

Right. What he was here for.  “About Dean leaving on his own…”

“What, this again? I told ya, the boy’s fine. He knows how to call if anything happens.”

Castiel sighed. “No Bobby, he doesn’t. Sometimes regression comes on too quick, especially if he panics.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll ask Garth.”

“Just for now, Bobby. I know you want to help Dean as much as I do with being Big, but I think he needs more time. He’s finally in a place where he can be Little all the time, if he wants to, and I don’t want him to think he’s not capable of doing grown up stuff. He isn’t, but if we say that to him so bluntly he will have a real hard time with that. Things are looking up and I don’t want to be the one tearing things down.”

Bobby stroked his beard and leaned back in his chair. “I understand, I wasn’t tryn’ ta be stubborn or something. Just wanted the boy to feel needed. He’s needed in the shop too, so no worries.”

“Thanks Bobby.”

“Welcome. Now go on, get. I have work to do.”

Castiel grinned as he walked out of the office, going over to Dean for one last hug before he left.

Dean was already in coveralls and tinkering with the Plymouth once again. The smile that broke out on his face when he saw Castiel approaching was all Castiel needed to know Dean would have a good day today.

“See how it goes. I’ll either pick you up at lunch or at around four, okay sweetheart?”

“Yeah Daddy I’ll be okay,” Dean replied while he kissed Castiel’s cheek.

~*~

Dean was busy on Bobby’s computer, ordering parts for the Plymouth. He saw Bobby walking towards Garth with the shop’s red wallet in hand. That was weird; it was usually Dean who got to go to the shops for Bobby. It had become their thing and Dean loved it. He could do that on his own because he was a big boy.

Why would he ask Garth now?

Dean stood up, wanting to know why. Yes, he was curious, and felt that gave him enough reason to investigate.

“Bobby?”

Bobby turned around, looking like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “Yes Dean?”

“Why can’t I go to the shop?”

Bobby seemed lost for words. Dean didn’t like it. Something fishy was going on, he was sure of it.

Under Dean’s watchful gaze, Bobby muttered something to Garth, then took the wallet and walked over to Dean. “Your Daddy said you… well, he…”

“Spit it out Bobby,” Dean said. He was getting impatient.

“That you shouldn’t go to the store on your own. If something happened you wouldn’t be quick enough to call for help and that you…”

“Bullshit.” Dean said. He was getting mad. “I’m a big boy! I can handle myself! Did you put the list in the wallet?”

Bobby frowned. “Well, yeah, but…”

Dean snatched the wallet and walked out, leaving a stunned Bobby behind. Garth and Aaron watched with wide eyes.

~*~

Right. Some bolts, screws, two tubs of scrub hand sanitizer and two new hammers. It wasn’t that much, he should be able to find it in no time. Dean walked through the hardware store, which was about two blocks from Bobby’s shop. He’d come here before and knew the employees. They were friendly and they helped him out when necessary.

As he was browsing in one of the aisles, a mother and her young boy walked by. “Look mommy! He sucks his thumb just like a baby!”

At first, Dean didn’t realize the young boy was talking about him. As he became more aware of what he was doing, he noticed he indeed had his thumb in his mouth. When he pulled it out it was soft, pink and pruned. Looks like he had been suckling for a while and he hadn’t even noticed. Why hadn’t he noticed? Surely he must have tasted some motor-oil at one point... oh well. 

“Come on Brady, leave that man be.”

“But mooom! That’s weird! And you said I shouldn’t suck my thumb anymore ‘cause it was bad for my teeth! And he’s doing it!”

Dean blushed and turned away from the boy, who was now pulled away by his mother. Feeling panic set in, he sat down on the floor. If the employees didn’t say anything about him sucking his thumb, surely they wouldn’t mind him sitting down for a minute so he could collect his thoughts, right?

“Hey man, you okay?”

Dean looked up to see one of the employees, ‘Jesse’, his nametag said, walking over to him. He had seen Jesse before and he had always been very friendly.  Dean was feeling so lost. “I sucked my thumb and I shouldn’t have!” he exclaimed.

Jesse chuckled. “I saw. I get it though. I didn’t stop until I was fourteen.”

“But I’m supposed to be a big boy!”

Jesse didn’t mention how childlike Dean must sound, for which he was grateful. “Ah, who cares? If you feel good sucking your thumb… I mean you’re not hurting anyone, so who the hell cares, right?”

Dean looked at his thumb with longing. It always felt right when he was suckling it. Everything seemed to turn a bit softer, like a flip had been switched. Unlike a pacifier, a thumb would never get lost and was always available. With that thought, he plopped it back in his mouth. Rocking back and forth a bit, all he could think about was wanting his Daddy. He figured this Jesse person could help, because he was being very nice.

“Want my Daddy,” he mumbled around his thumb, now safe and secure back in his mouth.

Jesse frowned but makes no remark. “Sure, yeah… What’s your name?” Jesse asked, even though Dean knew he could clearly see the embroidered ‘Dean’ on the front of the coverall.

“Dean.”

Jesse nodded approvingly. Dean was no liar.

“Well Dean, I’m Jesse. How can I contact your father?”

“Have his number in my phone,” Dean replied as he reached for his pocket with his free hand only to find the pocket empty. Crap, the phone was still on Bobby’s desk. He’d been wondering why Bobby hadn’t called him yet to get him to turn back. Why hadn’t Bobby followed him? Maybe he shouldn’t have been so mad, Bobby was just listening to Daddy, and Daddy always knew best!

His breathing was turning ragged now, he needed his Daddy and how was Jesse supposed to help him?

“Jesse?”

Jesse turned around and Dean could see another man coming towards him. Great, more audience.

“I need to get back to work. Is everything okay here?” the stranger asked as Dean was still sitting on the floor, curled up in a ball. If the man had any sense, he would see that things were definitely not alright, Dean thought to himself.

“Cesar, this is Dean. Dean wants his father, but I don’t know how to contact him.”

Cesar, who had the most friendly eyes Dean had ever seen, crouched down before him. He looked nice. “You don’t have a phone with you?” he asked.

“No left it at Bobby’s… I want my Daddy!” he whined.

“Alright alright, what’s your Daddy’s name, huh?” he asked, then looked at Jesse, as if he might know why Dean acted this way.

Dean figured that they were probably wondering what the hell was going on and why Dean couldn’t act normal. He couldn’t help himself; this was who he was now. That old Dean was gone ever since that day in the motel when Daddy had found him. Right now, Daddy would come and he would take him away. All he wanted was to be in his Daddy’s arms, or in his crib with Mr. Elephant. Why hadn’t he brought his elephant?!

“Castiel Novak…” Dean mumbled, hoping the hardware store could find his number on Google or something. The quicker they found him, the quicker he could be home with Daddy. And Elephant.

Cesar widened his eyes and put a hand on Dean’s forearm. “I know him. I’ll call the vet clinic and ask for his number, okay? I’ll call him. It’ll be okay, Dean,” he said.

Dean felt relief and his breathing slowed down a bit. This man knew his Daddy!

Cesar stood up and walked away with a cellphone to his ear. Jesse sat down next to him and Dean wanted to curl up against him so bad. He didn’t, because he was afraid he would cross a line. They had been very nice to him and he shouldn’t expect anything more.

It took a while, but Cesar came back eventually, putting his phone back in his pocket. “Castiel will be here soon, Dean.”

Jesse stood up, Dean feeling lost as he was the only one on the floor now. That feeling didn’t last long, because when Jesse and Cesar were done mumbling to each other, Cesar held out a hand.

“You want to wait somewhere nice, Dean?” he asked as he held out a hand. Dean took it willingly and Cesar led him to a children’s play corner with a small television playing Fireman Sam. Dean sat down cross legged on the floor and let the show take him away.

~*~

Castiel was bursting with anger. Bobby had let Dean go off on his own, and now his boy was apparently panicking in the middle of the hardware store. Who knows what would’ve happened if Dr. Cuevas hadn’t found out who Dean belonged to?

He was surprised when he saw the vet was calling him a few minutes earlier. Everything to do with Jax was handled so he wondered why he was calling him. After Dr. Cuevas had explained the situation Castiel had grabbed his keys and driven to town as fast he could. Bobby hadn’t contacted him; Castiel wondered if Bobby had wanted to solve the situation on his own. Bobby was wonderful, but sometimes too stubborn for his own good. Dean simply couldn’t be alone and there was no use in testing that. He’d give Bobby an ear full when he would have Dean settled at home.

Walking into the hardware store, he saw his boy in his dirty coveralls on the floor, watching the TV in the children’s corner. Dr. Cuevas and an employee of the store were standing close by, watching him.

He walked over to Dr. Cuevas. “Thank you so much for calling me. He’s not supposed to go off on his own like that.”

“No problem. Nothing bad happened, he panicked I guess. Is he… special?” Jesse asked. That earned him a slap to his arm from Dr. Cuevas.

“You can’t just ask someone something like that!” the vet said.

Castiel sighed and looked at his son, before turning his attention back to the two men in front of him.

“Sort of. It’s hard to explain, but he’s very childlike. Some days more than others, to put it mildly. Today started okay, but apparently something happened, which made him unsettled.”

 “Okay, well, good. Glad things are settled then. I need to go back to work. Jesse, I’ll see you tonight honey,” Dr. Cuevas said as he kissed the store’s employee on the cheek.

Ah, so they were a couple. It explained why Jesse had looked at Dr. Cuevas with such adoration just a moment ago. “Thank you again for contacting me, Dr. Cuevas.”

“Please, call me Cesar. It’s no problem. He’s a sweet young man. No trouble. Glad we could help, right Jesse?”

Jesse nodded and agreed. “It’s okay. I’ve seen Dean before, he’s cool.”

Castiel gave the two men a nod and walked over to his son. He didn’t care that they were out and about, so he picked him up to take him to the car. Thankfully, there had been a spot right out front. Dean didn’t say anything, just wrapped his slim legs around Castiel and held on tight as Castiel walked them out.

“Bye Jesse and Cesar,” Dean mumbled as they walked past, giving the two man a small wave.

“Bye Dean!” they both replied.

Dean snuggled up to Daddy on the ride home. As Daddy stroked his back, Dean could feel his eyes getting heavy and he didn’t struggle when sleep took him a few minutes after.

He could vaguely feel Daddy picking him up and bringing him inside the warm house. A few moments later he felt he was in a clean diaper and dressed in his pajamas (and when did that happen?), then Mr. Elephant was put in his hands. Dean curled up with his elephant in his hold, as Daddy cocooned him in a sea of blankets. Now he was finally home.

Chapter Text

Dean had still been asleep when Castiel got to the house. Deciding not to wake his boy, he carried Dean inside and up to his nursery. There he changed him into a clean diaper and dressed him in his pajamas, before laying him down in his crib. Dean was still out for the count, but curled up as usual when he was laid down. Castiel tucked him in tight after handing the boy his elephant, cocooning him in blankets. Snug as a bug in a rug.

After coming downstairs and sitting down on the sofa, cup of hot coffee in hand, he checked his phone, which had turned to silent after Dr. Cuevas had called him. As expected he had several missed calls from Bobby. Castiel hadn’t meant to ignore him on purpose, but couldn’t help but feel as if Bobby had it coming. The man was probably worried sick about Dean and his whereabouts. Castiel wanted him to know what it would feel like to worry as much as he did about Dean.

Deciding not to let the old man stew in his worries too much, he dialed. “Bobby? You called?”

“Heck yeah I called! Why didn’t ya pick up the phone, boy! It’s about Dean!”

“Oh, you mean Dean, who broke down in the middle of the store? The Dean I got a call about, a call that scared me half to death? Dean, who had to be consoled by practically two strangers?! That Dean?!” he almost yelled. He was trying very hard to stay calm, but after the incident he finally got to vent, and it felt good.

“Ya sayin’ you got him home? He safe?” Bobby asked, sounding relieved.

“Yes, I got him home. Asleep in his crib this very second, no thanks to you. How could you do that Bobby? Why didn’t you call me immediately after he left the shop? Didn’t you follow him? Why did he even go in the first place? We’ve talked about this!”

“Calm down boy, calm down. I’m sorry. I thought he was just blowing off steam! He did fine the first couple of times. He knows his way to the shop and back again. I figured he’d calm down and come back! He didn’t, and that’s when I called ya.”

“You didn’t call the shop too?” Castiel asked.

“Yeah. Got some girl from the front desk but she had no idea what I was talking about.” He explained.

Castiel sighed and rubbed his face. He was tired and just wanted a nice, quiet evening in with his son.

“Listen Bobby, we’ll talk about this tomorrow.”

Bobby was silent for a moment, as if judging what to say. “I’ll see ya tomorrow then.”

After hanging up the phone, Castiel finished his coffee, then sat on the sofa staring at the wall opposite. He was grateful for Jesse and Cesar for being so cool about it and for helping Dean instead of mocking his boy.

Castiel didn’t know how long he sat there. It was when he heard his boy murmur something to his elephant on the baby monitor that he was pulled back to reality. He stood up, stretching his arms, then walking over to the kitchen. His boy hadn’t called out to him yet and was still busy talking to his stuffed animal. Castiel figured he deserved another cup of coffee for being such a good Daddy today.

While preparing his next cup, he turned up the volume of the baby monitor. Surely this wasn’t eavesdropping? No… this was just… healthy curiosity. A father needed to know how his child was doing, right? Castiel told himself just that, and sat at the table.

“…had a big scare today. I was in a shop and I was all alone! And I shouldn’t have gone! But I wanted to really bad. And I had been sucking my thumb and I hadn’t even noticed! I was stupid. And then I sat on the floor. This man came up to me and his name was Jesse and he was really cool and he helped me! And he said if I wanted to suck my thumb then I should and who cares what other people say, huh, Mr. Elephant!”

Castiel decided Jesse was okay.

“… never thought I’d be like this but I’m the luckiest boy alive to have my Daddy. And he came and got me! I was very sleepy though and I don’t remember coming home. But I’m in my jammies now so Daddy takes care of me real good.”

The cup of coffee was brought to the table, Castiel smiling as he did so. He felt good for making Dean happy again.

“Sometimes I wish I could still do those grown up things, you know. I can still drive, but only if Daddy is sitting next to me. But I can’t do things alone anymore. I don’t think it’s that bad though, because having somebody with you is cool. I’m not lonely anymore, Mr. Elephant. Who wants to be lonely, huh?”

Castiel agreed with Dean. Better for his boy to be this way and feel loved, then be what society thinks he should and be unhappy as a result.

“I guess we should call Daddy huh? He’s probably sleeping in the living room!” Dean giggled.

Castiel loved Dean’s giggling.

“I think Daddy’s a bit deaf though. We need to scream extra loud!”

At that statement, Castiel immediately turned the volume down.

Dean yelled ‘Daddy!’ which Castiel could hear yell simultaneously through the monitor and in real life.

He stomped up the stairs slowly, indicating his arrival to his boy. When he opened the door, Dean only had his lower half covered in blankets. He was sitting up in his crib, arms open wide, a big smile on his face. All the worries from before seemed to have melted. Elephant had been safely tucked in a corner.

Castiel quickly drew away the blankets, then pulled Dean up into an embrace. Dean’s legs tightened around his waist and the boy rested his head on his Daddy’s shoulders.

The older man gripped tight and turned around a couple of times, making Dean squeal and hold on tight, before yelling to stop. “Dizzy Daddy!”

Castiel bounced him up and down as best he could, before sitting down in the rocking chair with a sigh.

“How’s my boy doing, huh? You all rested?” he asked as he maneuvered Dean in a comfortable position.

Dean helped and was basically straddling Castiel’s lap as he tucked himself in against his Daddy. “Yeah all rested. Time for snugs and then maybe we could watch TV?” Dean asked with the sweetest voice.

The boy sure knew how to convince his Daddy to get what he wanted. Sometimes.

“Diaper clean?”

“Yup.”

“Jammies clean?”

“Yup.”

“Said goodbye to Mr. Elephant? Or do you want to bring him downstairs?”

“Yup. Yes. No. Wait. No, he needs to come downstairs with me.” Dean mumbled.

“Mr. Elephant your best friend now?”

“Yup.”

 “What about Sam?”

“It’s a tie.”

Castiel chuckled and softly pushed Dean back a bit so they were face to face. “What am I then?”

“Don’t be silly! You’re my Daddy. You’re like… number one in everything.” Dean chuckled.

Castiel put on his best ‘meh’ face and sighed dramatically as he looked out the window. “Guess that’ll have to do…” he said solemnly, trying his best not to laugh.

Dean decided to attack with actions instead of words, knowing where Castiel was most ticklish and going in for the kill.

It was a while before they both settled down in front of the television. Dean had peed his diaper after Castiel’s had tickled him back ferociously. The boy had been babbling during the diaper change, saying ‘if this didn’t happen I still woulda won, Daddy!’ Castiel let the boy have his win, but not after blowing a couple of raspberries on Dean’s tummy which Dean welcomed with more squeals and some kicks in the air.

It had been a while since they had had such a fun afternoon, just the two of them. Castiel loved it and so did his boy.

“I love you Dean,” Castiel said as Dean had snuggled up to him. They had just finished dessert, warm apple pie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. They deserved it.

“Love you too Daddy,” Dean yawned as he nuzzled into the soft part of Castiel’s stomach. It wasn’t long before Dean was snoring softly, Castiel forced to watch Paw Patrol because the remote was still on the other side of the sofa.

So, he did what he always did in that situation and let his head fall back. After dinner naps were underrated.

~*~

Castiel woke up when he felt Dean move away. A phone was ringing. He yawned and waited for his boy to return. When he opened his eyes, Dean was walking towards him, phone pressed to his ear.

“Yeah I’m good! We had snugs and then we tickled and then we watched tv and had dinner! And then we had apple pie with ice cream!”

Ah, that was probably Sam at the other end of the line. He called more often now, always wanting to check up on Dean.

“No, that wasn’t fun today. I left early because I can get things for Bobby on my own because I’m a big boy and then I sucked my thumb and some kid saw and I felt so stupid Sammy!”

Castiel watched Dean as he was stroking his boy’s hair. Dean had laid down with his head in Castiel’s lap, one hand on the phone and one hand in the air, waving it around as he was telling Sam about his day.

“No, but I mean I could! Right? Or maybe if I could go together?”

Dean scrunched up his face as Castiel pressed on his nose. “Boop,” Castiel whispered as Dean grinned, trying to bat away his Daddy’s hand.

“Yeah, like with Garth. And I met two new people. Their names are Jesse and Cesar and they were really nice! Jesse works at the shop. He’s bald. And Cesar is a vet! He knows Daddy!” Dean almost yelled. He lowered his voice when Castiel motioned for him to quiet. “Uh-huh. Yup. Mmm… yup. Okay. Yup. Yeah, here he comes.”

Castiel jerked his head back as Dean practically smashed the phone into his face. “Thank you, chatterbox,” he said calmly.

Dean was wearing a smug smile and rolled on his side, facing the television once again. Castiel stroked Dean’s hair as he talked to Sam.

“What happened today?”

“Hello to you too, Sam.”

“Yeah… Hi Cas. So, what happened?”

“A minor… incident. Dean’s okay now, you could probably tell. He was mad that he couldn’t go to the hardware store on his own and walked out of the shop. He had a bit of a breakdown when he was there, but an employee called me and I came and got him.”

He felt Dean stiffen a bit and brushed his fingers on the back of Dean’s neck, causing the boy to relax.

“Yeah he sounded happy now. Glad things are okay.”

“How are things with you, Sam?”

“Better, I suppose. Just glad I have someone to call at the end of the day, you know? Or well, when I have the time and the time difference allows it, but you know.”

“I know. You can always call me, remember that.”

“Yeah, I will, thanks Cas.”

“Want to talk to Dean some more? Although he’s currently very invested in Dora.”

Sam laughed. “No, let him watch his favorite Spanish girl. I’ll call again in a few days.”

“Bye Sam.”

“Bye Cas.”

“BYE SAM!!!” Dean bellowed.

~*~

Castiel walked into the shop, going straight to Bobby’s office. Dean was at home, asleep, Benny babysitting. He didn’t want Dean to be here for this conversation.

“Hey Bobby,” Castiel said as he walked in. “Sorry about yesterday. I was worked up a bit.”

Bobby chuckled as he poured them both some coffee. “It’s me who should be apologizin’, boy. I didn’t listen.”

“We both didn’t. I should’ve asked you how this happened before I drew conclusions.”

Bobby sat down at his desk after he gave Castiel his cup. “I understand where yer’ comin’ from. And from now on I guess we leave the errands for Garth or Aaron.”

Castiel sighed. “Dean could go with either of them. He’s better when he’s not alone. Just… promise me he won’t go alone anymore. I don’t want another one of those phone calls. People aren’t always as nice as the couple that found him.”

The older man nodded. “I’ll try and be better, boy. I ain’t the type for lady talks like this but right now… yeah. Next time he won’t go on his own.”

“All I ask Bobby.”

The two men left it at that. Castiel felt good, glad that Bobby understood.

~*~

Dean was dozing. He wasn’t fully awake yet. Eyes still closed, he felt around until he recognized the soft fur that belonged to Mr. Elephant. Grasping the stuffed animal tightly, he snuggled close and called out for his Daddy.

He was surprised when Benny walked in instead. Nonetheless, he lifted his arms and waited for the bearded man to pick him up. Due to all the holiday stress and Sam visiting, he hadn’t seen Benny since Christmas Eve, when he thought Benny would leave him. He knew they hadn’t, but Benny being here confirmed this and Dean felt elated.

“Hey Lil’ man! How are you?” Benny asked as he hoisted Dean up.

Dean tried to wrap his arms around the man’s broad shoulders and squished him tight before leaning back a bit. “Good! You stayed!”

“Why would I leave, huh?” Benny chuckled as he moved over to the dresser. Uh oh. Benny had changed him, but never when he was Big.

“I could… I could do it myself if I wanted to.” Dean mumbled as he nodded towards the clean diaper that Daddy had probably set out when he had put Dean down for his nap.

“If you wanted to? So, do you or don’t you?” Benny asked. There was no judgement in his tone, just curiosity.

“It’s just that when Daddy does it, it’s done better than when I do it myself, so…” Dean blushed.

Benny took him by the chin and gently pulled up so they were making eye contact. “I’ve done it before when you were Little, cher. I’m okay either way.”

Dean didn’t reply but looked over towards the dresser and nodded. Benny gave him a kiss on his forehead, then laid him down.

Dean had to admit, Benny was good at this. He was distracting Dean, asking him about Sam and Daddy and how work was going at Bobby’s. The diaper change was methodical and fast, over before Dean realized it. He was fully dressed and in Benny’s arms, heading towards the kitchen just moments later.

Benny was going to make supper, with Dean helping. Dean was peeling potatoes as Benny seasoned the meat. A while later, they heard Castiel pulling up.

 “Daddy!” Dean yelled as Castiel walked into the kitchen. Dean received a kiss on his temple and a ‘good job Dean!’ for helping Benny.

Castiel and Benny talked to each other in a low tone, so Dean couldn’t hear. It was probably about Bobby, because he knew Daddy had gone there. Daddy hadn’t been mad at him, but he had said that he needed to talk to Bobby. He wasn’t bothered though. He felt good. After his breakdown yesterday, he was reminded that he could always count on his Daddy. That thought just made him feel protected and cherished. The apple pie helped, too.

Dean could feel his regression coming on. This was a regular one. He frowned as he realized that he didn’t even mind. He knew Daddy was here and that Daddy had friends to help him out if they needed to. He was at home, his crib was upstairs, Mr. Elephant was in the seat next to him. That he wasn’t in his high chair right now would be a problem though, because sitting up straight could be difficult for Little Dean.

Carefully sliding the potato peeler away from him, because he knew Little Dean would cut himself within seconds, he cleared his throat to get Daddy’s attention.

~*~

Castiel turned around as he heard Dean. The boy had pushed the potato peeler towards the end of the table and had turned around in his chair. “Daddy, could you put me in the high chair? Or pick me up? Or I could go over to the play mat by myself, I don’t mind.”

“Dean?”

“Think I’ve got about five minutes Daddy.”

Castiel frowned. “Are you telling me you’re regressing, sweetheart?”

“Yes, Daddy. But it’s okay I’ve got a couple more minutes.” Dean said as he smiled.

Dean hadn’t exactly been fighting his regressions but this was something else. It wasn’t as if he was welcoming it, but he didn’t seem to mind either. Castiel walked over and picked up his son, who rested his head on his shoulder.

“You don’t mind?” Castiel asked, wanting clarification.

“No Daddy, I’ve got you don’t I?” Dean said smugly.

Castiel grinned and sauntered towards Benny. “Yes, you do, snugglebug.” Castiel had Dean in his arms as he watched Benny prepare the meat. Benny washed his hands afterwards, and flicked some water towards Dean’s face. The boy squealed.

“Enny, NO!! No no Enny! Wet!” he exclaimed.

Benny took Dean from Castiel’s arms and made circles in the kitchen, Dean holding on tight as he shrieked with joy. When Benny got dizzy, he panted as he held Dean, who was still giggling.

“You okay, Lil’ man?” Benny asked as he finally sat Dean down in the high chair.

Dean looked up and gave a wide smile. “Ok ok!” he said. Castiel tried to give Dean his Winnie the Pooh spoon, but it took a few tries for him to get it, and even then Castiel had to help with Dean’s fingers, securing them tightly around the spoon. Castiel knew Dean had fully regressed now, and the boy was still happy as ever. Most regressions started with an unhappy Little Dean, because Big Dean had been unhappy about regressing. This one went from happy to happy and it was wonderful to see.

Both men took turns feeding Dean, making sure he got a normal (Dean-sized) portion in. Little Dean feeding himself resulted in smearing half the contents of the plate over the tray and on his face, the rest on his bib. It’s why they cooked extra. They didn’t mind feeding him though, Dean took big bites and was happily babbling away in between, adding his own comments of ‘bup bup bup’ and ‘hop bob bob’ to the conversation. When Benny mentioned Ellen and him having a date next week, Castiel had decided to give a toast, raising his glass of water. “To Benny and Ellen!” he said.

Dean held up his sippy cup with two hands.

“Enny Elle!”

Both men laughed and clapped for him, and Dean was excited by the clapping. He repeated raising his sippy cup three more times and doing the exact same thing to get the same response, giggling every time the men clapped. After carefully setting the sippy cup down, he tried to clap too.

Benny started singing, Castiel joining in quickly when he heard the first words.

‘If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands…’

Dean watched as Castiel and Benny clapped twice, a grin on his face a mile wide.

‘If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands…’

They all clapped twice. Well, Dean missed once, but they didn’t mention it.

‘If you’re happy and you know it and you really want to show it…

… if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands!’

Dean grinned as he got it right.

CLAP CLAP!!!

Chapter Text

“Emmo!”

“What was that sweetheart?”

“Emmo!!”

Dean squealed when Castiel finally brought him his miniature Elmo. Dean had been laying on the play mat in the kitchen for some time now, drooling over his toy cars and stuffed animals, scooting around on his belly to get from one side to the other. Castiel noticed his boy was getting a bit tired and had thought of taking him upstairs for a nap, but Dean seemed quite content to just lay down in the kitchen and get some sleep right there. Probably had something to do with the kitchen smelling like apple pie, courtesy of Charlie and Jo.

Charlie had come over this morning, wanting to introduce her girlfriend to Dean and Castiel. She hadn’t called beforehand (she rarely did- usually she’d just show up with snacks and games which both Big and Little Dean loved) and had been treated to a grumpy Castiel with an equally grumpy Little Dean. Castiel hadn’t had any time for groceries, so cereal or porridge was the only breakfast option. Charlie had saved the day by ordering Castiel to go to the supermarket and do the shopping while she and Jo would babysit Dean.

Castiel knew Jo, knew she was Ellen’s daughter, and knew that she could be trusted. Charlie also thought very highly of her and that was enough for Castiel. Charlie had written down the ingredients for apple pie so she could make it for them. After Castiel had come back to find Little Dean playing racecars with Jo and Charlie upstairs changing the crib’s bedding, he was relieved he could sit down on the sofa and close his eyes for a few minutes. He was lucky to have Charlie.

Castiel waited for the ‘ping’ of the oven and got out the warm apple pie, Dean’s eyes following his every move. After setting it away, he walked over to his boy who now had Elmo in one hand and Mister Elephant in the other. The boy raised his arms, prompting Castiel to pick him up under his armpits and carry him towards the dining room, where he sat down with Dean in his lap. Massaging Dean’s scalp, the boy quickly succumbed to slumber and was deeply asleep within minutes.

~*~

“This is Castiel.”

“Hi it’s me! Listen, Jo and me have got a great idea for Dean’s birthday!”

Castiel frowned as he turned the speaker volume down, Charlie’s excited voice a bit too chipper and loud first thing in the morning. He wondered why she called now, at the ass-crack of dawn, why couldn’t she say something yesterday, when she was here?

“Okay. What is your ‘great idea’?”

“Well, you see, I was in the nursery yesterday, which, still looks amazeballs, but there’s this blank wall, and then I got to thinking, Jo’s quite good with her hands, and she paints and draws, and well, I think we should do a mural!”

“A mural?”

“Yeah! I was thinking, maybe something with his car on it, or something with the Muppets or Sesame Street? He loves those, right? Or that elephant he always drags around?”

“Mister Elephant, yes. If you think Jo could make something special… I don’t see why not.”

“Awesome man! She’s going to start sketching some things. I’ll come over soon and show some designs!”

“That would be wonderful Charlie. Oh, and thank you for the apple pie. Dean ate half.”

“He ate half?!”

“Charlie. It’s Dean.”

“True, true. Well, glad he enjoyed it! Bye Cas!”

“Bye Charlie.”

Castiel groaned as he turned over in bed, desperately wanting some more sleep. No such luck though, because the baby monitor came to life and notified him of his son’s antics. He could hear Mister Elephant receiving a ‘good morning’ story, which indicated that Big Dean was back in the house and that he had about ten more minutes before Dean would call him. Hiding his head under the pillow to muffle out the sounds of the monitor, he closed his eyes.

He was awakened by his slumber as he felt the pillow being tugged away. Castiel didn’t open his eyes, knowing full well Dean was probably gazing at him with deep concentration, trying to figure out if he was still asleep or faking it. Castiel was very good at faking it. For added effect, he smacked his lips and kept them a bit open, letting a soft snore emanate from his throat.

The back of Dean’s fingers gently stroked his cheek and Castiel was trying his hardest not to smile.

The fingers moved away and Castiel felt a bit sad at the loss, until he felt the covers come up. Then there was a dip in the mattress and soon his son was sprawled on top of him, monkey style. Castiel tried his hardest not to sneeze as he was presented with a Mister Elephant under his nose, but other than that, it was quite comfortable. Dean was a personal space heater, which was perfect for these winter months.

“Daddy?” Dean whispered.

“Mmm…” Castiel replied, not wanting to face the waking world just yet.

“Can I watch videos?”

“Mmm…”

Dean chuckled. “Is that yes or no?”

“It’s a ‘mmm’” Castiel croaked.

“Can I?”

“Yes, Dean.”

Dean was trying to reach Castiel’s phone and when he did, the boy turned and flopped over, his back now to Castiel’s chest. Castiel nudged him so he could sit up, making a space for Dean in the vee of his legs. This way he could keep in check what kind of videos his son was watching.

There had been a time when his boy had been looking for videos with games for families, how to better bond with a parent. Ellen had instructed him to look up some of those videos and to play some of those games with Castiel, to get to know him better. It had been fun; Castiel had told him a lot of embarrassing childhood stories which had made Dean laugh and giggle quite a lot, in return Dean told him about the pranks he used to pull on Sam, even showing him one.

However, one video led to another, and while Castiel had been in the kitchen making sandwiches for the two of them, Dean had clicked on a video about domestic abuse between fathers and sons, which had triggered some very unhappy memories of John Winchester. Dean hadn’t been able to press stop, too intrigued by what the voice over had been saying and Castiel had walked in just as a tear had escaped Dean’s eye. The boy had been clingy the rest of the day, wanting constant reassurance that Castiel wouldn’t leave him and being scared of going to sleep; afraid nightmares would come.

So, yes, video time was supervised now.

Dean settled for Sesame Street, which turned into snippets of Paw Patrol, eventually tapping on a video by the Muppets. The boy was in trance; sure, these weren’t the classic rock songs he grew up with, but they were well known hits none the less and he was singing along to quite a few, after the third time watching the video.

“Loose, goose loose… Everybody catch that goose!” Dean sang softly. He was still sitting in Castiel’s arms, perfectly warm and snug. Castiel had his head tilted back, eyes closed, as he listened to the songs and his boy, trying to enjoy the warmth of the bed as much as he could before getting out.

~*~

Dean’s birthday was in a couple of days, and he knew they were doing something to his nursery. He just didn’t exactly know what. Benny and Castiel had sectioned off a part of the room so no one could see the back wall. He knew Jo was painting something, but he didn’t know what. He’d been sleeping in Castiel’s bed this last night, because he hadn’t been able to control himself.

He should’ve turned the baby monitor off before crinkling the plastic tarp hiding that side of the room. Daddy thought he would’ve been able to restrain himself, but Big Dean was curious and wanted to see. He hadn’t gotten far though; Castiel had walked in just as swiftly and had ushered him out of the room, ignoring Dean’s protests because Mister Elephant was still in the crib. Castiel had gone back and fetched him his best friend, but had given Dean a stern talking to afterwards.

Dean thought he would’ve been strong enough not to go looking, but meh, he wasn’t. So, the nursery was on heavy lockdown and the only people that were allowed in were people that… weren’t Dean. He didn’t like it. The only reason he wasn’t really grumpy about it, was Charlie’s apple pie. Every time Jo came over (which was a lot these last few days) she had either brought some or they would make one together. Who knew Charlie was such a good cook? Dean liked her even more.

The weather had slowly gotten worse these last couple of days. There were mentions on the news on possible heavy snow storms, so they were preparing for the worst. Daddy had gone to the grocery store and stocked up on all sorts of food and yummy stuff, but things like clothing too. Dean was walking around in a fluffy bear onesie at the moment, complete with butt flap. Castiel loved it and cooed every time he saw his boy; Dean would blush and try to pretend he didn’t like it. But he did. He liked the onesie too; when he felt particularly snuggly, he would even put up the hood with its two round bear-ears. The front of the clothing piece had a large pouch to carry things in, making the onesie a kangaroo/bear hybrid, and Dean used it for all sorts of stuff. There was a pacifier in there, his blankie, Mister Elephant if he needed his hands free, sometimes a piece of pie. When Daddy found out Dean had been smuggling pie from the kitchen to the living room, Daddy had denied him his dessert that evening. Which, ironically, was pie. A much larger piece than the one he had try to sneak with him.

Dean promised himself never to be so foolish again and just enjoy the pie that was given to him.

Dean was luckily still Big on his birthday. He was afraid he was going to regress and not be there mentally, but Daddy had reassured him that if regressed, they would have rescheduled the party and he wouldn’t have to miss a thing.

The day started with Sam calling on Skype, Dean sat on the sofa by Castiel. He was still in his pajamas and the thumb was ever present (pacifiers just weren’t the same) but his smile was big and Sam was sad he couldn’t be there in person. They ended on a happy note though, and would talk again soon.

Later in the morning was when the exciting stuff started to happen. Daddy had explained they would celebrate in the morning and the afternoon, but the evening would be for just the two of them. Besides, Dean had a bedtime and he’d been doing real good on his night time routine, if they were to mix it up he’d be having trouble sleeping again for a few days and neither of them wanted that.

Benny was the first to arrive, Jo and Charlie not far behind. Bobby, Aaron and Garth came around noon and all of them had a massive lunch. Even though Dean was big, he was still in his high chair, overlooking the table like a king on his throne, letting his people do the work. Fortunately, no one really needed to do much, as the table had been set and everybody had brought a dish with them. They ate like kings, Dean giggling as it was Garth of all people who finished a whole chicken. The smaller man surprised everybody.

Dean couldn’t wait for lunch to be over though, because presents.

Bobby surprised them all with a gift that was less manly than expected. A soft, fluffy onesie, like the bear one, but this was a coverall version with Dean’s name on it and ‘Singer Auto’ emblazoned on the back. Daddy had asked Bobby how he managed to get something like that and Charlie had winked. “The internet provides many things,” she said. “Bobby told me what he wanted and I got someone to make it for us.”

Dean loved it and wanted to change into it immediately. He spent the rest of his birthday in his soft coveralls. Aaron and Garth had given him plastic toys, consisting of screwdrivers, a hammer and so forth. “So Little Dean can fix things too!”

Dean grinned and made sure they were all neatly lined up on the play mat, ready to be played with the next time he was Little. Or when he felt like it.

Benny had given him some fishing equipment. They were still going to go fishing sometime in early spring, and now he had his own set to take with him.

Daddy looked unsure as he gave Dean his present. “This is from me and Sam.”

It was an envelope, simply with his name written on the front. Dean didn’t care, even if they bought him a rotten apple; whatever he would get from Daddy would be too much anyway.  He already had everything he ever wanted and he wasn’t sure how Castiel was planning to top that.

Dean opened the envelope. Inside was a picture of a group of dogs. He felt his lower lip tremble as he looked at every single dog in the photo. There were about ten, some small, some big, some looked sad and others looked happy.

“Dr. Cuevas, who took care of Jax, knows the people at the pound. They sent me this picture. We can pick one of them up as soon as you would like, Dean. I don’t want to replace Jax… but the house is too quiet without a dog. These dogs need a home and we can take one in. I will also pay the shelter a year’s worth of care for the dogs.”

Tears filled his vision and he opened his arms, letting Daddy scoop him up. Daddy stroked his hair and calmed him. “Shhh baby boy, it’s okay…  you like it that much, huh?” Daddy whispered.

Dean nodded into Daddy’s neck and sniffed his nose. He turned in his Daddy’s hold to look at the picture once again. One dog in particular stood out to him. It was a large dog, with one floppy ear. It was brown and black, with long hair. Not the face of a shepherd, nothing like Jax, but still the same in a way. It was to the far left; a bit secluded from the group and sitting down, looking at the other dogs with sadness in his eyes. He looked like a bit of an outsider and Dean immediately felt a connection.

“I want to take a look at that one Daddy,” he said as he pointed.

Castiel gave him a kiss on his temple. “We’ll go next week, baby boy.”

~*~

Dean hadn’t let go of Castiel ever since the dog-surprise, so he was still in Castiel’s hold as he got his first look at the mural. Castiel loved it, and now so did Dean.

The Impala was painted with a Mister Elephant behind the wheel. It was set to a background of a lonely road, but with a house at the end; unmistakably their house. Mister Elephant was cool; he was wearing sunglasses and a scarf that was blowing in the wind. Dean loved it and couldn’t stop staring. Castiel couldn’t stop staring either, but he had a different view. Dean was lost in the painting; the immense concentration in his face as he tried to take in every aspect and hidden feature (such as a pacifier hanging from the rear-view mirror, or an apple pie in the windowsill of the house) a beautiful sight on his boy.

Dean was still in awe of all of his presents as the last person left. The snow was beginning to get worse now; Bobby and the rest had left early to avoid being stuck. Benny only had a short walk to go and assured them he’d be fine; nevertheless, he said he’d call when Castiel worried. Castiel was a caregiver to everyone, it seemed.

After a light dinner (both father and son were still pretty full from lunch, which in Dean’s case was a small miracle), the night time routine started with a bath for Dean, together with his rubber ducky and plastic boat collection. Dean was splashing about as Castiel opened the covers in the crib and set out the supplies for a diaper change on the dresser.

When he walked into the bathroom it was to find Dean looking at his pruned fingers with interest, his boats completely forgotten, still bobbing around on the water.

It was during reading time that the lights went out. Dean was on the verge of falling asleep when the entire house went dark, scaring Castiel. He didn’t like the dark. He hated it. Dean was immediately back at full attention and Castiel was glad his boy wasn’t Little at the moment because he was freaking out.

“Um… I think, I have candles and a flashlight somewhere, I just… uh…” Castiel said with a trembling voice. “It’s… downstairs… in the dark.”

Dean chuckled. “Yeah Daddy you’re being captain obvious! You don’t like the dark?”

“Not particularly, no,” Castiel replied as he gripped Dean a bit tighter.

Dean seemed to soften a bit at that, and was the one who lead Castiel downstairs, never letting go of his hand. “I’m sure power will be up again by tomorrow! Want me to sleep in your room tonight Daddy?”

Castiel was relieved because he didn’t really want to be alone. He was a grown man in a lot of ways, but give him a pitch-black house and he shut down. Going back up those dark stairs was giving him goosebumps. Who knew what crawled around in the dark and would grab you by your ankles?

Dean made quick work of finding a flash light and some candles, and they set off to the bedroom. The heat wasn’t working either, so unless the power went back up again quickly, everything inside would turn into a popsicle and he wasn’t looking forward to that.

Grabbing two more large throw blankets out of his closet, he pulled them over his covers and quickly got in, Dean cuddling up to him. It was Dean who made him calm down and actually get some sleep, having said to Castiel that he would ‘take care of the ghouls’ if they came for him. Castiel didn’t know what ghouls were but he was glad Dean would protect him. They sounded nasty.

Dean chuckled as Castiel pulled up the blankets some more, cocooning themselves, as if they could protect from real harm. “Sleep tight Daddy-o!”

“Sleep tight Dean.”

It wasn’t long until Castiel was slumbering lightly. He was awakened when he felt Dean poke his ribs. “Dean…?”

“What do you think would be a good name for our new dog? I’m thinking Tig. What do you think?”

“I think you should go to sleep, Dean.”

Chapter Text

When Castiel woke up the following morning, with Dean safely in his hold, he shivered at how cold it was despite the many extra blankets they’d put on the bed. Dean, being the little space heater that he is, was on top of Castiel, only his blonde tufts of hair sticking out from under the covers, still softly snoring. When Castiel breathed out he could actually see the fog from his breath, which was not a good sign. He nudged his baby boy to get him to wake up.

“Dean…”

“Hmm…”

“Dean wake up, I need to make some calls, figure out when they’re going to fix the heating.”

“Hmm…”

“Dean,” Castiel said as he pushed a bit harder, effectively rolling Dean on his back next to him. “Unless you want to go out and do it yourself?”

“Daddy cold…”

Castiel was getting impatient now. “I know. That’s why I have to get out and make some calls, snugglebug.”

“Bug… teehehee…” Dean mumbled as he tried to cuddle up against Castiel again.

“No, Dean, come on. I need to get out.”

“Daddy no!!” Dean whined, and Castiel wondered if this was even Big Dean anymore.

“Daddy, yes.” He said as he pulled open the covers and made a beeline for the closet, getting out thick socks and a sweater. Meanwhile Dean had hogged all the blankets and made himself a nice little nest, only the top half of his face coming out from under the covers, watching Castiel’s every move.

“Dean, you’re being ridiculous. At least come and try to help me?”

Dean watched him warily and shook his head before disappearing under his mountain of blankets. “No…” the boy whined.

The older man sighed as he walked out of the room. His boy had probably regressed last night and Castiel didn’t blame him for wanting to stay in Daddy’s bed. He knew Dean would stay upstairs so he wasn’t worried about Little Dean trying to go down the stairs on his wobbly legs.

Castiel called around and got word that some powerlines had gone down because of the snow, but it could take another couple of hours before the power would be back. This meant no warm food and camping out in the living room near the fire place. Castiel made the proper preparations, even going as far as venturing outside to their separate garage for firewood. It had stopped snowing, but the snow was deep and he was chilled to the bone shortly after.

He wasn’t quite there yet, though. He decided he needed one more armful to get them through the afternoon, then he could go back outside again this evening if the power wasn’t back yet.

Castiel should’ve known better than to be outside for such a long time in the knee-deep snow, even though he was moving and keeping himself relatively warm. It didn’t take long until he couldn’t feel his toes anymore and the numb feeling spread, making his feet feel like blocks of ice. Even through the gloves, his hands felt like ten thousand needles were pricking them simultaneously, but he gripped the blocks of wood tighter, it was just a couple of more yards.

The older man couldn’t see much, the heavy wind blowing snow around, making him squint. He was busy focusing on putting one foot in front of the other, but stumbled as he landed on something round – probably one of Jax’ old tennis balls, causing his ankle to double and to fall face forward in the snow. Castiel fell with a silent thump, the snow muting the sound. Turning around in the snow, so he was now laying on his back, Castiel groaned as the throbbing pain from his ankle shot up in his leg. Snow was getting everywhere, soaking his clothes. He laid still for a few moments, trying to gather his thoughts.

Dean had probably fallen back asleep; he could yell all he want, but the boy wouldn’t wake up. It didn’t hurt to try though, maybe the boy was Big after all.

“Dean!!! DEAN!!” he bellowed, letting his head fall back when he was done.

Turning around once more he got on his knees, trying to stand up on his good leg so he could try to hop back to the house. “DEAN!!” he called out again, but the front door didn’t open.

The cold was getting to him now, making him shiver and clatter his teeth and the pain in his ankle seemed to be searing hot, traveling all the way to his toes. One hop was all it took before he fell down again. “DEAN!!! HELP! I’m stuck!” he yelled, but he heard nothing.

Castiel went over his options and couldn’t come up with something. His phone was still inside, so this meant he had to crawl through the snow. This was not how he imagined this morning would go.

Crawling forwards, slowly, and calling out to Dean every two or three strokes, he crawled until he needed a break. Nothing really hurt anymore; everything was numb and Castiel knew that was dangerous, but was grateful for it at the time being. Even though the wind was blowing hard, he couldn’t feel it anymore. The numbness was actually quite nice.

Laying his head down, just for five minutes he told himself, he tried to steady his breathing and stop the shivering, tucking his arms under his torso and calling out to Dean again. He didn’t have much strength anymore so the call wasn’t as loud as he wanted it to be. “Dean…” he tried again.

Castiel closed his eyes, just for a moment… Then he’d try again and crawl some more. He thought he heard a voice but he wasn’t quite sure.

Suddenly two big, strong hands were under his armpits, hoisting him up. “No place to be sleepin’, Cas,” the voice said as he was pulled up then put over a broad shoulder.

Castiel tried to recognize the voice but everything was a blur, even his vision.

His arms were dangling and so were his legs, but a steady arm was on the back of his knees and when he looked up, he could make out his front yard and noticed that the figure that was carrying him was bringing him inside. Where it was warm. Good.

“Cas, you with me?” the voice asked with concern.

Castiel blinked but didn’t answer, too busy trying to figure out what was going on. They were in the living room all of a sudden and the figure laid him down on the couch.

“Cas?”

“Hmm?” Castiel replied, his gaze unfocused.

The figure gently slapped his cheek and then grabbed him by the chin. “Cas! You’re scarin’ me!”

“Don’t be scared,” Castiel said when he finally put the voice and the face together.

“Your boy is crying, I’ll go get him. I need to get you warm and you need to be awake. Don’t go back to sleep, you hear?!”

“Yes I hear you…” Castiel mumbled as he closed his eyes. This time, the slap on his cheek was harder. Castiel opened his eyes to see the other man just inches away.

“Hold on. Just five minutes, I’ll change the kid’s diaper and then I’ll be down.”

~*~

Benny stomped up the stairs, rage filling him. That stupid son of a bitch, going outside in this weather. Wouldn’t even pick up a phone to call for help before venturing outside by himself. It was a good thing Benny was checking up on them, knowing Castiel would probably need help. He knew the entire area was out of power and he'd wondered how Castiel would manage.

The sailor had seen the path Castiel had made in the snow and followed it to find the man basically passed out in the snow. That idiot! His son still inside, who was probably Little by the sound of the angry crying. Benny wasn’t really ‘angry’ angry, but he didn’t want to feel that fear again when he saw his best friend laying unmoving in the snow.

The door to the nursery was open, but the crib was unslept in and the crying came from Castiel’s bedroom. Benny found a heaving, snotty boy, blankets thrown from the bed, his padded butt showing signs of a very soaked diaper. That poor kid had probably been crying his lungs out for a while now and showed no signs of stopping.

The screams were hoarse, interrupted by shivers and hiccups. The boy didn’t even flinch as Benny picked him up to cradle him in his strong arms, pulling him towards him. Dean continued to cry even as Benny stroked his hair, giving him kisses on his temple and walking towards the nursery. “Okay Lil’ man… you’re going to be okay… Uncle Benny’s got ya,” he said, over and over again until the boy was reduced to mere sniffles.

Laying him down he quickly got the boy out of the dirty diaper and cleaned him thoroughly, apologizing for the cold. “I know Lil’ man, I know. So cold in here. We’ll get you nice and warm by the fire, don’t you worry…”

After the diaper change, Benny dressed Dean from head to toe in multiple layers, grinning when he found Converse socks and pulling them over the winter socks he’d already put on the boy. “See? Even some shoes Lil’ man!”

Dean was disgruntled after having a cold washcloth rubbed all over his face, but the snot was gone, so Benny figured he’d done good. He picked the boy up and the boy latched on, making it easy for him to walk down the stairs.

Castiel was shivering, but awake. Benny sat Dean down next to him and walked back upstairs to get Castiel dry clothes and to get the blankets from the bedroom.

Benny helped Castiel get into the dry clothes, which fascinated Little Dean. The boy wanted to help but nearly tumbled forwards and off the sofa when he’d made grabby hands at Castiel’s t-shirt. Trying to maintain some modesty, Castiel took off his wet boxers underneath a blanket. When he tossed them to the floor, Dean recognized the item of clothing and pointed towards Castiel. “Bath!” he exclaimed.

Castiel blushed but nodded. “Yes, naked means bath. Not that I… I wouldn’t… I’m clothed when he takes a bath!” Castiel exclaimed but Benny just snickered and helped Castiel in some sweatpants.

“I know, Cas. Little Dean is just being himself. Now pull up that leg, let me look at that ankle,” Benny knew Castiel could be trusted and wouldn’t take advantage of Dean. Why he felt he still needed to point that out to Benny was beyond him, but he decided to let it go.

Castiel’s ankle was swollen and would probably be black and blue later on. He couldn’t walk on this, that was sure.

Benny made a fire in the fire place and moved the sofa so it was closer to the hearth. Piling the blankets on top of both Castiel and Dean, he went into the kitchen, trying to see if he could make them some (cold) breakfast.

~*~

It took a couple of hours before the power was back on. Half an hour later, the doorbell rang and Benny opened it to see an employee from the electric company standing before him with a name patch that said ‘Gordon’.

Benny had Dean in his arms because he’d been in the kitchen making pancakes and Little Dean was very interested in the cooking process. The boy had his head on Benny’s shoulder, watching the visitor with weary eyes.

Gordon frowned and looked at Dean far too long for Benny’s liking, before turning his stare towards Benny. “Just checking to see if the power is back and to check the fuse box.”

Benny stared down at the smaller man and didn’t really feel comfortable letting him in, but he guessed this was a one-time thing and the man would be gone within a few minutes anyway. He pulled the door open further and gestured for him to walk in. “End of the hallway,” he stated as he followed Gordon. He didn’t like the man wandering around on his own and followed him, tightening his hold on Dean a bit.

Gordon turned around once, looking at Dean in Benny’s hold yet again, before turning back and checking the fuse box. He was done quickly and turned around to face Benny, then staring at Dean again.

“Something on your mind?” Benny asked, barely concealing his anger over this man being so blatantly rude.

Before he even realized what had happened, Gordon had grabbed Dean by the upper arm and made a snide remark. “You some kind of big baby?”

Simultaneously, Benny grabbed Gordon, forcing him to release Dean, and dragged him towards the front door, Dean started to wail and Castiel was shouting from the living room. “What happened?!”

“Don’t you EVER touch him!” Benny all but roared as he pushed Gordon out the front door. The man stumbled as he regained footing and shot a glare at Dean, then at Benny.

“That’s not normal. Freak like him?! Should be institutionalized!” he shouted.

“LEAVE!” Benny bellowed, making Dean even more upset. The boy was trying to get away from Benny now, thinking the anger was at him instead of the man Benny just kicked out.

Shutting the door quickly, Benny tried to take both of Dean’s arms as the boy squirmed, trying to escape. When he had Dean in a secure grip he pulled him towards his chest, mumbling soft words of reassurance. “Never you… never ever gonna hurt you Baby Dean…” he mumbled as Dean trembled, now relaxing in Benny’s hold. “Uncle Benny’s got your back… you’re safe, you’re okay…”

Benny walked towards the living room, where Castiel had been calling out to them, his voice frustrated for being unable to help.  “What happened?” Castiel demanded, wide-eyed as he saw Dean’s trembling figure. Castiel had gotten up from the sofa, hopping towards them but he was sweating profusely and Benny could see that Castiel couldn’t stay up much longer on just one leg. He ushered Castiel back towards the sofa.

Benny sat down allowing Dean to sit between the two men. Both men turned towards Dean, Benny with his arm still around Dean’s shoulder and Castiel stroking the boy’s cheek.

“Man from the power company… he uh… he grabbed Dean by the arm and he said some disturbing stuff…”

Dean was gazing at the television, tears still evident on his face, his eyes glazed over. Benny wasn’t surprised at Dean checking out.

“Grabbed him? Which arm?” Castiel said frantically as he started to tug up Dean’s sweater.

Benny frowned, feeling stupid for not checking himself. “Left.”

They both tugged of the sweater and Castiel opened the buttons at the neck to tug down the onesie, revealing Dean’s bare torso. A red handprint was on his upper arm, clearly visible.

“That son of a bitch…” Benny muttered as Castiel gasped.

“He touched my boy… he hurt my boy!!” Castiel exclaimed with anger.

Castiel wasn’t elegant as he roughly pulled Dean’s upper body towards him, the boy still staring out into space, his face now half smashed against Castiel’s chest. The older man littered his son’s head with kisses, cooing and rocking him back and forth. Dean wasn’t phased and did nothing but blink. Benny just watched. “Benny, go get my phone. We’re reporting this. And make a photo of his arm.”

Benny did as he was told, and after the picture was taken he called the local PD, getting Jody Mills on the line. Benny and Jody went way back and had helped Benny multiple times in the past, often something to do with his sister. She promised she would be by tomorrow morning after Benny explained that Castiel and Dean weren’t able to come to the police department themselves. He thanked her for making time in her busy schedule, as the snow storm had predictably made a mess of a lot of things.

Heading back into the living room Castiel looked up. “Could you change his diaper?” he asked and Benny nodded, walking over to Dean. The boy looked up at Benny with tired eyes and opened his arms, but did nothing further to help him. Benny was strong enough though, pulling the boy up and carrying him to the nursery.

Dean was docile, sucking his pacifier and looking at Benny as he changed the boy’s diaper. When that was done, Benny went to put the boy down in his crib. The boy looked so very tired. Two steps further however, and the boy started crying.

~*~

I don’t want to be alone!

I know! I’ll cry and then Benny will take me with him!

“Calm down Lil’ man…”

Calm down? No!

I want my Benny and my Daddy! I don’t want to be alone! Don’t you dare let go, Mister.

Ah, that’s better. We’re snuggling now. “Wanna sleep on the couch, huh?”

Couch? Yeah… that sounds good. Couch is soft. And couch has Daddy. And couch has TV!

Couch is good!

Benny is so strong. And he helped with the angry man. I thought Benny was mad at me too. But he wasn’t. He made it up to me. And now we’re going to sit on the couch.

They took off my clothes on the couch and then Daddy hugged me and he was really sad. My arm hurts. I want my bottle.

Ah, there’s Daddy. Ohhh he wants to snuggle. That’s good. Where did Benny go?

There is Benny! With a bottle! Good!  

Oh, this tastes like pie. It’s the cin… cinna… well it tastes like pie.

I’ll make the bottle empty and maybe I’ll get a new one!

~*~

Castiel woke up with a start, looking around the mostly dark living room, the only thing providing light being the television and the smoldering fire. Central heating was back on again and he was nice and warm, looking down he saw why. Dean was draped over his lap, snoring, his legs resting on Benny’s lap, who was sleeping sitting up.

Rubbing his eyes, he yawned, pulling the half empty (second) bottle from Dean’s lax hands and nudging Benny to wake up.

“Wha…” Benny mumbled as he opened his eyes. Castiel chuckled. “Time for dinner.”

Benny grinned and stretched out, quickly grabbing Dean’s legs as they threatened to fall off the sofa. Benny stood up, making sure Dean was comfortable. He checked Castiel’s ankle and went to get another ice pack.

While Benny was in the kitchen making dinner, Dean woke up, turning around in Castiel’s lap and looking up at Castiel with sad eyes.

“’s the matter sweetheart?” Castiel said as he stroked Dean’s hair.

“Owie...” Dean said as he rubbed his arm. Castiel took Dean’s hand and made sure the boy wouldn’t touch the sore spot.

“I know baby, Daddy’s so sorry. I’m so sorry,”

Dean seemed to understand that even though Castiel wasn’t the one who inflicted the pain, he apologized. Dean turned again, this time on his other side, so his back was towards the tv. He snuggled his face into Castiel’s soft stomach, sighing once before closing his eyes again.

Castiel wish he knew what the man had looked like, but he hadn’t seen anything from his spot in the living room. He felt immobilized and was grateful beyond words that Benny had showed up when he did. Who knows what could’ve gone wrong if he hadn’t had Benny?

When Benny entered the living room with soup for all three of them, they watched television until nobody could keep their eyes open. Benny put Dean in bed with Castiel and went to one of the guest bedrooms. It was silently agreed that Benny wouldn’t leave until Castiel had made sure they wouldn’t be alone in the first couple of days.

He’d call Bobby and Charlie tomorrow to see if they had some time, although neither could carry Dean, which was a problem. Maybe it would be handy to set some things downstairs? Deciding to worry about that tomorrow, Castiel snuggled in with his son and let sleep take him.

Chapter Text

“Is it still hurting him? Is he in pain?”

Castiel soothingly rubbed Dean’s back, the boy straddling him. Ever since Jody Mills entered the living room, Dean had been clingy, quiet. Maybe it was the uniform.

“Only if you put pressure on it. Benny told me that when he dressed Dean this morning he started crying when a sleeve got caught on his upper arm.”

Ms. Mills sighed and looked at Dean, then wrote down some more notes on her iPad. “I know Benny took a photo but could I see the bruise?”

“Sure,” Castiel said as he pulled Dean off him, arranging him on the couch so he could take off Dean’s sweater. Benny walked in with coffee for the three of them and a bottle for Dean.

Dean saw the bottle and started to whine, grumpy because he couldn’t have it straight away. Benny helped with the sleeve of the bear-onesie that Dean was once again wearing, so Jody could look at Dean’s arm.

“That’s a mighty fine bruise you have there, kiddo,” she stated. “That’s gonna take a while to disappear.”

She wrote down something else while Castiel got Dean dressed again, the boy still whining and trying to make grabby hands at his bottle.

Jody turned her attention to Benny and took his statement. She informed them that they would track Gordon down via the power company he worked for so they could press charges. After receiving a phone call, Ms. Mills gathered her things and told them that she would get in touch as soon as she had more information.

~*~

Benny walked her to her truck and thanked her for coming by despite the work load she was facing after the winter storm.

“No problem, Benny. How come I never knew there was another Little in town anyway? After what happened with your sister those times… I should’ve known.”

Benny rubbed a hand over his face and sighed, then leaned back to the side of the truck. “I know Jody. But I honestly thought people had become a bit more open minded since then.”

Jody chuckled. “It’s only been, what… seven years? Eight?”

“Eight.” Benny confirmed.

“A lot can happen in eight years, but some of the folks around here can be pretty stubborn. Based on what you told me, Mr. Novak and Dean were lucky. So far most of the people they met are the good ones. Bobby, Dr. Turner, Dr. Harvelle…”

“I was hoping they simply wouldn’t meet the bad ones. Castiel was a loner before he had Dean. He never tried to get to know people, even though he’s lived in the same house his entire life. I only got to know him when I had to deliver some stuff here and I found out he had a Little. Never in my life I thought I’d meet another Little, but there he was. Drooling in Castiel’s arms,” Benny smiled.

“Well, let’s just hope the people from your past have learned from their mistakes.” Jody replied.

~*~

Castiel was rocking Dean in his arms, the bottle almost empty. Dean’s eyes were closed half way. He was clearly fighting sleep, so Castiel cooed and talked in soft whispers, assuring Dean it would be okay to sleep and that Daddy would be there when he woke up. He set the bottle away and pulled Dean a bit more towards him, so he was nestled against Castiel’s chest. He rocked softly back and forth and it wasn’t long until Dean’s eyes didn’t open anymore and his breathing became soft and steady. The boy was getting heavy in his arms and Castiel sat back, resting his arm on a thick pillow, making it easy for him to sit like this for a longer time.

Benny entered the living room, rubbing his hands together after having spent some time outside saying bye to officer Mills. “You shouldn’t have stayed out so long without gloves,” Castiel remarked, using his free arm to throw a blanket towards Benny.

The sailor sat down in the recliner and draped the blanket over his knees. “Had some stuff to talk over, about you and Dean. She’ll keep an eye out for more folk like Gordon.”

Castiel frowned. “More 'folk like him'?” he asked. “I'd been hoping this had been a one-time thing.” As he looked at the sleeping young man in his arms, he thought about what had happened. To have a stranger attack your son in your own home… an ADULT stranger, who should know better than to grab someone who obviously had special needs…

Turning his head so he could look at Benny, he saw the man was deep in thought.  “Could you please tell me what this is about?” Castiel asked, now frustrated. “I feel like you’re leaving me in the dark here.”

Benny suddenly got up. “I’mma need more coffee for this,” he mumbled as he strode towards the kitchen.

When he got back, Castiel looked at him expectantly. Benny took a sip of his coffee and then sat back.

“You know how my sister was a Little, right?”

Castiel nodded.

“She passed away about eight years ago… car accident. Well, she’d been a Little since she was about fourteen, I think. It was hard, combining school with periods of regression. She had the same thing as Dean. She only went back to one age though, usually around a year, year and a half. She was lucky our parents were there to take care of her. I helped, of course. Called her my Lil’ girl.

“Never thought anything weird about it. She was my sister. She was my Jenny. And whether she was teenage Jenny or baby Jenny, it was all the same. Baby Jenny just needed more touch and hugs and the occasional diaper change.

“We never found out why she regressed. Maybe something happened to her when she was younger, I don’t know. But we did the best we could. Dr. Turner helped us if she was sick while she was regressed. She was a fragile thing and when she was Little she couldn’t tell us where it hurt. He helped us a lot. Good man, Dr. Turner. Ellen helped, too. She talked to Jenny when she was Big, but also saw her when she was Little. Ellen hadn’t been here long yet, just started her practice, but she was good. She was the one who found out that kids at school had been bullying her.

“At that time, I wasn’t living at home anymore. She was much younger than me. Jenny had been a surprise, so to say. I spent my days working and I’d visit them in the evenings. She’d never said a word about what happened at school. It would always be ‘fine’.”

Benny emptied his cup while telling his story and set it on the table, before sitting back again. Castiel had scooched down lower, pulling Dean back to him a bit, the boy now softly snoring. Even though Castiel had jostled him a bit, he figured the low rumbling sound of Benny’s voice was a perfect sleep aid for his son. Dean never woke up.

“One of her best friends had all the same classes as her and would notify a teacher if she happened to regress during school. She’d take her to the school nurse where she would wait for either one of my parents or me to pick her up. This always worked fine.

“Later, when she was an adult, she couldn’t move away. She wanted to live on her own, but regressing once or twice a week meant she couldn’t. That made her agitated which in turn caused her to regress more..."

Castiel carded his fingers through Dean’s hair as he listened to Benny’s story. He knew there was something coming up, something he wasn’t going to like. He bent down and placed a kiss on Dean’s forehead. Dean sniffled and turned, nuzzling Castiel’s chest.

“My mother told me she had found bruises on Jenny’s stomach when she was changing her. She hadn’t fallen that day or bumped into anything, so we asked her about it when she was Big again. She admitted that an old classmate of hers had hurt her. She broke down that evening and told us that it was usually just words, but this had been the first time he’d actually touched her. I asked if he did anything else, but she assured me he didn’t. I still don’t know if I believe her.

“His name was Cole. Apparently, he’d always bullied her, calling her all kinds of names. He wasn’t the only one. There were a few in town, who still live there by the way. Even though Little’s aren’t that uncommon, it’s still a bit of an oddity. Apparently, Cole had convinced his sheep that people like Jenny should be admitted to a psychiatric ward. Didn’t realize that was the exact opposite of what Little’s need, but then again we couldn’t expect them to be smart, could we?”

Benny gave a hollow smile. Castiel said nothing as he just looked at the sleeping boy in his arms.

“We tried to keep them away from her, but it wasn’t fair to make her hide. We’d see one of them and they’d say something and Jenny would be upset for days. Sometimes so bad she regressed. She never went into town alone, even when she was Big. In the end, I think she made peace with her regressions.”

“Her accident, was it…”

“Related to the regressions? No. She didn't drive. My dad was driving that day. They were hit by a truck about a mile from our home. They were both killed instantly. My mom couldn’t cope. She… she moved away, saying there were too many memories. She went to live with her sister. I try to visit her, but plane tickets aren’t cheap.”

Castiel was stunned by Benny’s story. He knew he had a history but didn’t realize how hard it had been.

He’d only known him as the lonely sailor, not the man devoted to his family. Of course, he knew Benny had experience, if anything the way he treated Dean surely showed it, but this explained a lot. “Guess I know now why you help me out so much.”

Benny sighed. “It’s impossible to take care of a Little on your own, Cas. That’s why I kinda kept coming by even though we didn’t really know each other before,”

“I’m glad you did. I don’t know what I would do without your help, Benny.”

“I don’t want Dean to get hurt the way they hurt my Jenny. Words are just as painful, sometimes even worse. The things they called her, Cas…”

Benny stood up, then walked over to sit down beside Castiel and Dean. “They can’t… I won’t – I won’t let them, Cas. I know he’s not mine, but he does feel like family. Sometimes all I can see is Jenny and I just don’t want him to hurt the way she did. Not if I can prevent it.”

Castiel turned towards Benny. “I know you won’t, Benny. But we can’t protect Dean from everything. We just need to do our best. That’s all we can do, right?”

“Yeah, guess so.”

Castiel didn’t want Benny to get trapped in the mood he was in now, so he changed the subject. “Benny? Can you take Dean and change him? I’ll go make some calls, see if somebody can come here to help set some things up.”

“Yeah... yeah okay.” Benny got up and Castiel sat up straight, at which point Benny pulled the sleeping boy up in his arms. Dean was waking up, still a bit grumpy. He whined when he saw Benny was carrying him away from his Daddy.

“Ten minutes kid, then I’ll bring ya back,” Benny said as he patted Dean on his back. Castiel watched them go, then took out his phone and made a call.

~*~

“Thank you Aaron, couldn’t have done it without ya,” Benny said after the pair had carried the large rocking chair downstairs. He wiped his forehead and sat down in the recliner.

Castiel had talked to Bobby and he had sent Aaron out to help Benny move some things down so Castiel could take care of Dean downstairs. His ankle wasn’t too bad, he could use one crutch to walk around and prepare as much as he needed. He didn't have crutches yet, but Bobby said Aaron would bring some. Benny did the lifting, carrying Dean to and fro. Benny was going to stay in one of the guest rooms because he was the only other person who could easily carry Dean. It was an arrangement that would work well.

Aaron looked around the living room, maybe feeling a bit out of place, Castiel figured. Castiel patted the empty seat on the couch next to himself and Dean. Aaron went to sit down. When he sat and looked at Castiel’s ankle, bandaged properly by Benny, he looked up. He held up his finger and darted out of the room.

Castiel looked at Benny bewildered and Benny looked right back, a matching expression on his face. “Kid needs to learn sign language, and so do we,” Benny chuckled.

Dean was sat next to Castiel again, watching the TV with mild interest. He looked at his Daddy every couple of minutes, assuring himself he was still there. This time when he looked, Castiel made a silly face, causing Dean to giggle before turning his eyes back on the TV. Mister Elephant was in his lap and his thumb was safely tucked away between his lips.

Aaron walked back in, holding a pair of crutches. He gave them to Castiel before sitting down next to Dean. “Ah, I knew it,” Castiel said.

Aaron nodded.

“Tell him thanks.”

Aaron gave a thumbs up and rested his head on the back of the sofa. Dean turned around and looked at Aaron, then at his Daddy, and flopped back mimicking them. For some reason Little Dean was smitten with Aaron and vice versa.

Dean leaned against Aaron, who put an arm around the boy and rubbed his arm. Dean squirmed and let out an ‘ow!’, causing Aaron to flinch and remove his arm. He widened his eyes and looked at Castiel.

Dean started to whine and tried to wiggle his way towards Castiel, who pulled him in.

“Don’t worry Aaron, it’s not your fault. Dean was hurt yesterday and he has a bruise on his upper arm. You didn’t know, I’m sorry. I should have said.” Castiel explained.

Aaron kept a close watch on Dean and then looked up at Castiel. He jerked his chin up, a silent question to explain what happened.

Castiel told the story and he saw how sad Aaron was looking. Aaron stayed a while, probably not wanting to go back to work yet (and Castiel didn’t blame him – driving back in the cold wasn’t his idea of fun either if he instead could be sitting by a warm fire, like now). When he finally did get up, he crouched down before Dean, who was still clinging to Castiel and gave him and Mister Elephant a hug. Dean hugged back, and all was well.

~*~

A couple of weeks later and things had gone back to what passed for normal for them.

They had visited Tig, because that was the new pup's name, and were going to pick him up in a couple of days. They had wanted to wait until Castiel was fully mobile again before taking in the XXL dog. Dean had fallen in love immediately and had a hard time leaving the dog behind, but knew that soon Tig would be living with them, which made departure easier. 

Charges were pressed against a Gordon Walker, but they hadn’t heard from the PD since. Castiel’s ankle was fully healed and he could carry Dean around without trouble again. Dean’s bruising had faded within days of the accident. Dean had noticed it when he had become Big again and Castiel had explained what happened.

Dean had reacted differently than he had expected. He’d expected Dean to have more questions, or wanting to know what Gordon looked like. Maybe he even expected Dean to be a bit scared, but all Dean said was “He shouldn’t have messed with me while Benny was around,” and that was that. Castiel didn’t know what to make of that.

It was as if Dean was trying to make it less important than it was; Castiel even showed him the photo from when the bruise was fresh. Castiel had tried to talk to Dean about people not always having best intentions, to which Dean gave a furious reply.

He reminded Castiel of his two years alone, the two years before he was with him, and how he met the lowest kind of people already. What Dean said was true, of course. Having someone bruise his upper arm wasn’t the worst thing that happened to him. Not even remotely close. So, yes, Castiel knew Dean had experienced much worse, but this was the first time it ever happened while he was supposed to be protected. Castiel, and Benny, they were supposed to be there for him.

Benny already felt like he failed, like he should have taken Dean to Castiel before opening the door. Castiel had talked him out of that; this was Castiel’s home, the one place where Dean should be taken care of, not put away. Not even if the intentions were good.

Castiel was mulling this over yet again while making lunch. Dean walked in having just finished some work in the garage. He was Big and he said he wanted to be fully Big today. No toys, no onesies, just him, his flannel and Led Zeppelin. Tomorrow was Monday, so he’d be spending the day at Bobby’s. He wanted to do some regular checks on the Lincoln and the Impala today. Castiel doubted that Dean would handle being that Big for that long, but getting into an argument with Dean about that would be futile. Castiel knew which battles to pick and this wasn’t one of them.

Wiping his hands with a dirty rag, Dean entered the kitchen.

“Shoes,” Castiel said calmly as he looked over Dean’s dirty clothes. “And the pants. And the shirt. Matter of fact, just change.”

“Yes, Sir,” Dean mock saluted, and turned around to stomp upstairs.

“SHOES!” Castiel yelled. The stomping stopped and he heard two thumps.

“Thank you for throwing your shoes into the hallway,” Castiel mumbled to himself.

A few moments later Dean walked in in clean clothes, then sat down at the table. Castiel handed him his lunch (four grilled cheese sandwiches and a bottle of ketchup – he never knew how much ketchup Dean would use, so he just gave him the full bottle) and then sat down to eat his own.

“Cars in order?”

“I don’t want to watch Cars tonight, maybe Finding Nemo?” Dean replied absently as he squirted some ketchup on his plate. When he went to put the cap back on, he looked up, just realizing what he said.

“Uh, I mean, yeah. The cars are okay. Lincoln needed some oil.” Dean’s cheeks flushed but Castiel didn’t mention it. It wasn’t like Big Dean to feel ashamed of acting younger; Castiel thought they’d gotten past that. Apparently, Dean felt differently.

“Okay, you need to tell me what’s going on.” Castiel said.

Dean, who was in the middle of a large bite of grilled cheese, looked up, mouth full. “Wha?” he asked.

“I know you said you wanted to be Big today. Which is fine. You do what you must, you know I support you no matter what. But this is… a bit over the top. The clothes, the cars. Avoiding me the entire morning. Leaving your elephant in your room.”

“I wasn’t avoiding you!” Dean said, acting shocked.

“You even fought me on the diaper this morning, Dean! Why? You know you have accidents!”

“Well, I didn’t have any this morning! And I took it off!”

Castiel raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Excuse me, young man? You did what?”

“You heard me. I took it off after you went downstairs.” He muttered, pushing away his plate even though he hadn’t finished his lunch yet.

“Why?” Castiel asked, as calmly as he could.

“Why not?” Dean replied, obviously seeking out a fight.

Castiel wasn’t having it. “Dean, you go to your room, now.”

“No.”

“Dean Michael Novak, you get your butt upstairs before I make you!”

Dean stood up, chair falling as he pushed it back. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Castiel with defiance. “Make me.”

Castiel wasted no time as he walked over to Dean, taking him by the arm and pulling him with. Dean struggled and whined, but not as much as he could’ve, which told Castiel Dean needed the discipline. If Dean had really wanted to, he could’ve pulled his arm away. Castiel wasn’t holding on that tight and Dean was a strong young man if he needed to be.

Castiel walked into the nursery to one of the corners, then pulled Dean forwards. He made Dean stand in the corner, facing the wall.

“You stand here and think about your behavior. Try to find a way to explain what’s going on, to make me understand. You will not move from here until I come get you.”

Dean didn’t turn around, but started to sniffle. Castiel used the time to get a bath ready and set up the dresser, laying out a onesie, something comfortable for Dean to take his afternoon nap in. That he was acting Big today didn’t mean he didn’t need his nap. Dean slept a lot, which probably had to do with his regressions. No matter Big or Little, he needed two hours in the afternoon and at least nine to eleven at night.

The fact that Dean didn’t try harder, that he let Castiel punish him even though he easily could’ve gotten away, but didn’t, said enough. Castiel was determined to find out what exactly pushed Dean to act the way he did; he was very curious.

He left Dean there for ten more minutes; Dean had given up by that time, sitting down on the floor, still facing the wall, now and then rubbing his runny nose with his sleeve, hiccups wracking his frame.

Castiel walked over, holding out a hand so Dean could see. Dean looked up at the hand and gingerly took it, shaking as he stood up. Castiel walked over to the big rocking chair, once again moved upstairs, then sat down and pulled Dean onto his lap. After wiping Dean’s face with a warm wet cloth he’d placed there exactly for that purpose, he sat back and let Dean lean against him.

“Now, you’re going to tell me exactly what’s going on. Why you were rude to me. Why you felt you had to act the way you did this morning. And that includes taking off your diaper and avoiding me.”

Dean sniffled once more and took a deep breath. “’nbennynotwaysgonnabethere...” he rushed out.

“What?”

“’Cause you and Benny aren’t always going to be there…” Dean now whispered.

“What do you mean?”

“When I’m Big I need to be like, really Big. You know? Like how I was before. So I can go out on my own or fight back if I meet bad people.” Dean said as he fidgeted with one of Castiel’s sleeve buttons.

“Fight back?”

“Well, yeah, if they say something mean to me I should be able to take care of myself, shouldn’t I?”

Castiel sighed and rubbed Dean’s arm. “So you’ve been worrying more about this than you let on, haven’t you? Dean, I asked you so many times if we could talk about this and you shut down every single one. Why do you… How come you still think you need to fix these things on your own? Why would you say something like that?”

Dean was still very interested in Castiel’s sleeve button. “Cause, Garth said if someone said anything bad to him or tried to hurt him he’d fight back! And I used to do that too! And I guess I just needed to know if I could be Big again like I was, you know. Before.”

“I thought you’d accepted you couldn’t, by now. At least not for an entire day. A morning or an afternoon, sure, but Dean, you must’ve realized that you can’t go back to the way things were before? Breaks my heart baby boy, you try so hard to do everything on your own. You don’t realize you don’t have to anymore, do you?”

“Of course, I realized but I just wanted to see if I could…”

Castiel stroked Dean’s hair. “And you can. You can still be Big and responsible, but not as independent as you were before your regressions. Your regressions took that away from you, Dean. Time to let it go, sweetheart.”

“Am I really a Novak?”

Well, talk about a subject change. “What makes you say that?” Castiel asked, wondering where that question came from.

“When you sent me upstairs you called me Dean Michael Novak…”

“No I didn’t," Castiel frowned. "Wait. Did I?”

Dean smiled softly. “Well, yeah,” he replied. “You were really angry though.”

Castiel rubbed his face. “Not as much angry as I was frustrated. I guess it just slipped out. But you’ve known I see you as my son, so it shouldn’t have been such a surprise. How do you feel about it?”

“I kind of like it,” Dean said. “Winchester is my father’s name and he is just a bad memory.”

 "Well, let's make it Novak then, yes? Only good memories there, I hope." 

Dean grinned. “Yes.”

Castiel stood up and hoisted Dean up in his arms before he even realized he was doing it. He lowered Dean immediately so he was standing next to him.

“I’m sorry, you wanted to be Big and I just picked you up, I wasn’t thinking,” he said.

Dean shrugged. “’m okay, didn’t really feel like being extra Big anymore anyways,” he mumbled as he looked around the nursery. Dean’s eyes fell on the dresser, with his onesie laid out and Mister Elephant waiting for him. Normally Big Dean would take Mister Elephant with him too, but he hadn’t done so this morning. Castiel knew Dean must’ve missed him something terrible. Dean looked longingly at the toy, but then seemed to snap out of it as he turned back towards Castiel. “I’ve uh… got some more stuff I need to do and I…”

No. Castiel wasn’t having it. He should’ve never put Dean down in the first place. He could smack himself right now.

Dean gave a small yelp as Castiel put his hands under Dean’s armpits and pulled him in and up, then put a hand under Dean’s bum, causing Dean to automatically wrap his legs around Castiel’s waist.

“Daddy, what-“

“Shush, Dean. Daddy was wrong. Big time is over for today. I saw how you were looking at Mister Elephant. I’m giving you a bath, then you’re going to get a bottle and take a nap.”

“But when I’m Big I never have a bottle!” Dean protested and whined, but Castiel was ready for it.

“You didn’t finish your lunch and you need your fluids. Bath first, because you had a small accident.”

“No I didn’t! I’m fine!” Dean whined even louder, not fighting Castiel, but hiding his face in the crook of Castiel’s neck.

Castiel strode over towards the bathroom where the tub was filled and ready. He sat Dean down on the toilet and helped him out of his clothes. “I can do it myself I’m not-“ Dean tried to finish the sentence, but Castiel was pulling his shirt over his head.

“Quiet, Dean. Now stand up and take off your pants.”

Castiel forgot to say boxers, because Dean never wore those, not since he wore diapers anyway. Dean had put some on today though.  Dean’s cheeks reddened when he realized he did in fact had a small accident. He took his pants and boxers between two pinched fingers and dumped them in the laundry basket. “m Sorry,” he mumbled.

“It’s okay. Now step in the bath,” Castiel instructed. Dean grumbled as he stepped in, whining the entire time Castiel was washing him.

“No, you don’t need to wash my hair it’s not that greasy –“

“Don’t rub so hard on my back!”

“Nooo not my feet that tickles, stohohoppp,”

When Dean almost tried to kick Castiel’s hand away, was when he had enough.

“You do not kick me, Dean. Watch yourself.”

Dean had the decency to look embarrassed.

“Want to do it yourself, Dean?”

“Well, duh…” Dean replied. The boy didn’t want to be Little, he wanted to be Big, but what came out was a petulant teenager. Castiel sighed. Dean was still fighting Castiel’s decision, but Castiel had the longest breath. He knew this. It would only be a matter of time before Dean did. Castiel had never had this kind of tantrum behavior with Big Dean before. Little Dean, sure, but Big Dean was usually fine with everything.

“Then you do everything yourself. Drying yourself off, diaper, clothing, drinking, and going to bed. No story before naptime either.”

That seemed to put Dean’s brain to work. “Fine,” he said, chin up, defiantly.

“Okay then.” Castiel replied calmly, giving Dean the washcloth and walking out of the bathroom. He stayed outside the door to listen in, but Dean didn’t know that.

He could hear his boy grumble and splash the water.

“Stupid Cas, like I can’t take care of myself… pfff did it for a long time!”

“Not like I care anyway I’m a grown up today, why wouldn’t I – oh hi duckie!”

Castiel smiled softly.

“Right duckie here’s another duckie, now fight!” Loud splashing sounds came from the bathroom and when Castiel looked sideways he could actually see water splashing into the bedroom. He tried to hold back his laughter.

Castiel listened to it for another five minutes then popped his head around the corner, expecting Dean’s mood to go sour the moment Dean saw him.

That wasn’t the case.

“Look Daddy, we’re having a water fight!” Dean squealed excitedly as he jabbed another duck under water.

“I can see that! But sweetheart, isn’t the water getting a bit cold?”

The water hadn’t been very warm to begin with. Dean didn’t like it too hot and bath time usually wasn’t longer than ten to fifteen minutes anyway. After washing him and letting him play on his own, it had been an half hour now.

Dean looked down at his pruned hands and splashed some more water. “I guess…” he said.

“Right. Time to get out then. Dry yourself off, put on a diaper and the clothes I laid out for you. Then come to the kitchen.”

Castiel could see Dean’s lower lip wobble, knowing the boy didn’t want to do it himself anymore, but he needed to crack Dean, as it were, and so he left to go downstairs. He tore his eyes away from Dean’s trembling lips, realizing he could start to cry at any minute. Castiel turned around and left the room quickly, because he almost faltered. He almost stayed. But, if he gave in, Dean would win and quite possibly act up all day. Boundaries needed to be set, even when his boy was Big. 

When he got downstairs he heard the crying start softly through the baby monitor and the sound of it was pulling at him. It wasn’t until Dean was full on wailing that he jogged back upstairs, finding his boy still butt naked, now sitting on the bathroom floor, directly on the tiles. Good thing they had heated flooring.

Laying out a towel and drying the tiles first, he then picked the crying boy up. He took another towel and took it with him to the dresser, laying Dean down and drying him off. The boy was still crying and Castiel wasn’t exactly sure if this was Big Dean or now regressed Dean. His regressions could be triggered by almost anything and this might have been the case.

After getting Dean in a clean cloth diaper, with some extra padding because of nap time, he bowed down over his boy, pushing their foreheads together. His elbows were on either side of Dean’s face, effectively closing the boy’s sight off from anything but his Daddy, right in front of him. Dean still had his eyes closed, was still sniffling and hiccupping, but the crying had stopped.

“Dean…” Castiel said in a low tone, causing his son to slowly open his eyes. Castiel could see the crinkles beside Dean’s eyes as Dean smiled softly. Suddenly two hands snuck under Castiel’s arms and were on the back of Castiel’s neck, grabbing him tight.

“Hi -hiccup- Daddy!” Dean whispered happily. Castiel gave him an Eskimo kiss and then pulled back, proceeding to blow raspberries on Dean’s tummy. Dean giggled and squirmed and eventually begged for him to stop.

“But it’s such a soft and squishy little tum-tum sweetheart!”

“Dahaddy, stohohoppp…” Dean giggled.

When Castiel was satisfied that Dean was back to his happy, old self (and still Big), he dressed him and carried him downstairs.

He sat on the couch with Dean in his hold, the nipple of the bottle tucked in Dean’s mouth. As Dean was suckling as he had his head sideways, watching Paw Patrol. All Castiel could do was look at his baby boy’s face, glad he was able to turn Dean’s emotions around without too big of a fight.

When the bottle was empty and Paw Patrol had ended (luckily at the same time), Castiel put Dean to bed. He read him a short story, as he always did, but wasn’t even halfway when he realized Dean was already asleep.

Grinning, he put away the book and kissed Dean on his temple.

As he was walking downstairs, the telephone rang. The caller ID said Bobby.

“Hi Bobby, how can I help you?”

“Hey Cas, that Gordon Walker fella, who hurt Dean, what’d he look like?”

Castiel got a strange feeling in his stomach. “Why do you want to know?”

“’Cause, he was probably in here, talking to Garth, asking him all kinds a questions about Dean. I sent him away but he scared Garth pretty good, boy is terrified.”

Chapter Text

After finishing the phone call with Bobby, Castiel sat down on the sofa, wondering how the lunatic had found out where Dean worked. It seemed that Gordon had immediately walked over to Garth and started questioning him; Gordon knew that Dean and Garth were close when they were at work. Had he been watching them?

Bobby told Castiel that Garth was really shaken up, which was no surprise. Gordon had been cruel, spitting out profanities and even trying to get physical when Garth had tried to take a step back. That was when Bobby had noticed, immediately going over to the two and stepping in front of Garth. Bobby had ordered Gordon to leave the shop, or he would call the police, and Gordon had walked away, but not after throwing some of Garth’s tools off his workbench.

When Bobby had talked to Garth afterwards, the boy had been shaking and crying, and Bobby informed Castiel that Garth would be staying with Bobby again. Castiel felt sad for Garth, knowing the boy had just moved in with his girlfriend, Bess, two weeks ago and had been doing well going out without Bobby. It had been a huge step for the young man, finally moving out and in with his girlfriend, and it seemed that this incident had Garth scared to go out on the streets again.

Castiel had asked if there was anything he or Dean could do for Garth.

“I’m afraid there’s not much to be done, Cas. Garth came under my care a few years back, terrified to go out on the streets on his own. He’s a gullible young man and people take advantage of him too easily. That’s what got him in trouble in the first place. He’s too sweet and gets himself in dangerous situations because of it. I called Bess and explained what happened, she’s coming over tonight. I’m glad I didn’t do anything to Garth’s room yet cause I’m betting he wants to stay here tonight.”

When they were almost at the end of their call, Castiel told Bobby that he and Dean would be coming in as usual. Castiel didn’t want Dean to have to hide, even though Gordon knew where he worked. He’d stay a while and then go back home, it was up to Dean if he wanted to stay at Bobby’s or not.

~*~

Dean was staring out the window as Castiel changed the radio station. The Lincoln was swerving over the well-known streets leading towards the main road, from which it was only a ten-minute drive to Bobby’s. Even though he was Big, his thumb was in his mouth and he had Mister Elephant on his lap, seatbelt tied around the two of them. He was thinking about what had happened yesterday.

Yesterday was Sunday, so Garth had probably been on his own while tinkering away in the shop; even though he had moved in with his girlfriend, he spent every single day at Bobby’s. Apparently, the man who had attacked him had simply walked in and started threatening Garth. Dean felt responsible, it was his fault that his friend was hurt. He was going to apologize to Garth straight away.

After pulling up, they spotted a sign saying they were closed for the day. When Dean used the key Bobby gave him to open the workplace himself, they walked into an empty hall. No music, no Aaron and no Garth. Bobby’s house was next to the shop and Dean and Castiel walked over through the back door. Dean was feeling a bit weird, having to focus on putting one foot in front of the other, when at other times when he was Big, walking took no effort.

After wiping their shoes, they entered Bobby’s home and found Aaron and Garth on the sofa watching television while Bobby sat in the kitchen with a lady that looked familiar. She had on a police uniform and Dean guessed it was Sheriff Mills.

Dean immediately went over to Garth, forgetting his manners and not introducing himself to Sheriff Mills. When he turned around and looked, Daddy nodded at him and told him it was ok. He went back to Garth and sat down next to him, glad to be sitting, while Daddy went to sit in the kitchen with Bobby and Sheriff Mills.

“Hi Garth.”

“Hi,” Garth mumbled softly.

This wasn’t like Garth; Garth was bubbly, enthusiastic. Not like this. Dean felt guilty and immediately rambled an apology.

“I’m so sorry Garth! It was all because of me! If he hadn’t seen me that day then he wouldn’t have come looking for you! I could stop, you know. I could stop working at Bobby’s and then he won’t come by anymore! Please don’t be sad, Garth, you’re never supposed to be sad!” he said as tears started to form.

Garth looked at him with wide eyes. “Dean, this isn’t your fault! Who gave you that idea?! He’s just a bad man! That’s not because of you!”

Then Garth tried to give Dean a hug, but Dean moved away, trying to make himself smaller as he started to cry.

When he felt arms pulling him in behind him, he looked up. Garth was still in front of him, clearly worried, while Aaron pulled him against him. Aaron then stuck out a hand to Garth, pulling him in, making a Garth-Dean-Aaron sandwich.

“It’s not your fault, Dean.” Aaron spoke up. Aaron didn’t talk much, but when he did, it made sense and people listened. Dean turned around in his hold. “He’s just a nut job. Please don’t stop working here. It’s fun when you’re here.”

Dean was still sniffling, but nodded and a small smile came through. “Okay, but only if you’re sure,” he mumbled.

“We’re sure,” Garth said with conviction, then proceeded to ruffle Dean’s hair. As Dean was trying to straighten it back into a representable form, Daddy walked in, noticing the tear tracks on Dean’s face.

He looked from Garth to Aaron to Dean, then walked over to him. Picking Dean up he tucked the boy’s head in his neck. “What’s wrong Dean?”

Dean shivered and almost wanted to cry again, but he knew he needed to be a big boy. He wished he’d brought Mister Elephant with him, but he was still in the car. “It’s all my fault Garth got hurt,” he whined.

“No, it’s not. We tried explaining it to him Castiel, but he said he needed to stop working here because that would mean that Gordon wouldn’t come by here anymore.” Garth countered.

“You’re an idjit, Dean,” Bobby grumbled as he walked in, followed by Sheriff Mills.

Bobby patted Dean’s back. “Don’t think you’ll be doing us favors by leaving. We want you here, boy, and if people like Gordon can’t accept you for who you are then they got no right coming in my shop,” he spat out as he sat down on the sofa. Garth immediately tucked himself to Bobby’s side, and although the man was grumbling Dean didn’t miss the way he patted Garth shoulder and made no move to push Garth away. Bobby was a big old teddy bear, after all.

When Sheriff Mills came into Dean’s view, he pulled back but Daddy held him tight. “Dean, this is Sheriff Mills, but we can call her Jody. She wants to help us. You met her when you were Little, do you remember?”

Dean shook his head. He'd guessed it was her based on the uniform, but he didn't remember meeting her.

"Dean is Big today, but he's feeling a bit Little. Say hi, Dean."

"Hi Jody," Dean mumbled.

Jody smiled and leaned forward. “Hi kiddo! Nice to meet you again. Today me and my team are going to try and find Gordon and put him away.”

He felt Daddy rubbing his back when he tensed at hearing Gordon’s name. “Thank you Jody.”

“Well, you know me by now. I fight for justice. And for Dean.”

Dean couldn’t help but smile softly at that. He was feeling warm and fuzzy in his Daddy’s hold and it didn’t take long before his thumb found a way to his mouth and was tucked safely inside. Dean sucked as if his life depended on it and hoped his Daddy would get the message.

“Dean, sweetheart, I think you want to come back home with me, don't you? Not feeling very Big?”

His Daddy knew him too well. Dean nodded and tried to hide as best he could, feeling a bit embarrassed at acting so Little when he was Big. Then again, his Big mind didn’t seem to be working all that well, either. A lot of things were fuzzy and he found it hard to stay focused on particular things. Getting the seat belt on this morning had been a hassle, until Daddy had done it for him. Dean had shrugged and said he guessed he was still tired, but the truth was his hands weren’t cooperating that well. He could still walk but it took a lot of effort to do so and he was feeling as if his mind couldn’t decide on what headspace he should be in.

Deciding it didn’t really matter, because Daddy took care of him anyway, he didn’t mumble a ‘goodbye’ or make an effort to cling to Daddy tightly. His legs felt too weak and it would take too much effort. He knew Daddy had to tighten his hold so he wouldn’t drop him, just as when he was actually Little, and he knew Daddy was going to ask about this. In fact, he already was.

“Baby, you okay?” Daddy whispered as he carried him to the car.

Dean sighed and mumbled around his thumb. “I dunno. I feel weird,” he said.

Daddy sat him in the car and fastened his seatbelt for him before Dean could even reach for it. He felt sloggy and tired. He wasn’t regressing, because that felt different, but it seemed as if he was somewhere in between.

Daddy started the car and looked over at him. “Sweetheart, are you regressing?”

“Nooo,” Dean whined. He didn’t know how he was feeling and trying to explain it felt like challenge he couldn’t win.

“Then what? What’s wrong?” Daddy asked, now sounding worried.

Dean didn’t want to worry Daddy but he was just as much in the dark as Daddy was. “I don’t knoooww, I feel weird and fuzzy and nothing's working!” he cried out.

Daddy took his hand and kissed his knuckles as he drove home with one hand on the steering wheel. Dean didn’t make a move when Daddy parked the car. It was as if his mind was Big, but his body was Little. When Daddy picked him up Dean mumbled exactly that.

Daddy rubbed his back. “Oh, sweetheart you must feel so trapped,” he said softly. Dean agreed, because that was exactly how he felt. Was this a new thing? This never happened before, only the ten to fifteen minutes before and after a regression.

“Yeee-eeesss I feel tra-apped,” he whined, now having something to blame this feeling on. He was working up a fit and almost started screaming when Daddy laid him down on the dresser for a diaper change. He didn’t want Daddy to let go of him.

~*~

Dean was full out roaring as Castiel changed the boy’s diaper. Dean had explained how he was feeling and Castiel couldn’t imagine how it would be to feel like that. To be fully aware of everything, but not having the power to make your body listen. Dean was almost making himself sick, crying with loud exhales and heaving as he tried to take in air.

After the fastest diaper change known to man, he picked Dean up and walked around the nursery, rocking his boy up and down while Dean let it all out. He was hysterical, the screams hurting Castiel’s ears. He tried his best to stay calm, because he was the only thing Dean could latch on to right now. He knew he needed a way to make Dean surrender to this and calm down. Something that would get him to breathe normally again, the stutters of his breath now scaring Castiel, because they were too fast and shallow. His boy was hyperventilating.

Walking over to his own bedroom, he laid down on the bed and held Dean tight, one leg over both of Dean’s and his arms wrapped tightly around Dean’s upper body. One arm also tucked Dean’s head into his shoulder and made sure the boy couldn’t move an inch. He hoped he made the right decision; that it wouldn’t frighten Dean more.

What was only about fifteen minuts, felt like hours. Crying, hiccupping, heaving, screaming, but eventually Dean calmed down. Castiel kept instructing Dean to take deep breaths and was humming some songs inbetween, hoping that the low baritone of his voice would soothe his boy. When Dean was breathing steadily, Castiel whispered to him. “Are you with me sweetheart?”

Dean took a deep, shivering breath. “Scared, Daddy…”

“I know baby, I know. It’s okay. I’ll take care of you,” Castiel cooed. He was going to call Ellen as soon as Dean was asleep.

“I’m stuck… I’m stu-hu-huck…” Dean said as he started to shake again.

“No no no Dean… listen to me. Listen, okay? You’re going to be fine. I’m right here. No need to cry because Daddy’s got you, okay? You’re my big boy, right? You’re Dean Novak, remember? You’re Daddy’s big boy.”

“I’m Daddy’s big boy,” Dean replied. “I’m Daddy’s big boy, I’m his big boy, his big boy…” Dean said over and over again, until it was just a mumble of ‘big’ and ‘boy’, repeating the words like a mantra.

“That’s right… you’re my boy, Dean.” Castiel whispered, then waited until Dean fell asleep. It wasn’t even ten AM yet and already he felt as if the day had been long enough.

When Dean finally gave in to sleep, Castiel waited an extra half hour, his boy in his arms. When he was sure Dean wouldn’t wake up, he carried him downstairs, saying soft words when Dean started to mumble. “Go back to sleep, Daddy’s here,” he murmured as he laid Dean down in the downstairs crib. It had come in a few days ago, was a bit smaller than the one in Dean’s nursery, but a perfect fit for in the kitchen.

Castiel wanted a safe place to put Little Dean when he was downstairs, without worrying about Dean rolling or crawling someplace that wasn’t safe, plus they didn’t know yet how Tig would be with Little Dean. Tig was sweet as could be with Big Dean, but also very enthusiastic and that was something that could scare Little Dean. They’d have to wait and see. After laying Dean down, Castiel jogged back upstairs to get Mister Elephant from the dresser, then brought it back with him, setting it in Dean’s arms before grabbing his phone.

Ellen was on the line quickly enough. Castiel had her on speaker as he paced the living room.

“Castiel, what can I help you with? How’s Dean?” she asked, worry in her voice. Castiel never called, so she probably guessed something was up.

Castiel explained what had happened, what Dean had said he felt and the massive break down that followed.

“He’s asleep now?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Let him sleep, let him get as many hours as possible. Has anything out of the ordinary happened these last couple of days?”

Castiel told her about the incident revolving Garth and Gordon and how Dean had felt guilty about that. He explained to Ellen that he thought Dean would’ve regressed, but that wasn’t what happened. What happened was completely new and he didn’t know how to cope.

“You did good, Castiel. You helped him, you anchored him. You stayed calm and let him get it all out when he was panicking.”

“I know, but I’m just so… shocked. Just when I thought I knew all about his regressions, could see all the signs, this happens.”

“I don’t think that you could have prevented this in any way, Castiel. Please don’t blame yourself. How long has it been since he had a normal regression?”

“About a week. But he was really stubborn yesterday, though.” Castiel said as he absently walked around the living room, sitting down then standing back up again. He didn’t know what to do with himself.

“What happened yesterday, can you tell me?”

“He wanted to be Big yesterday. How he was before the regressions. Didn’t want a diaper, no cuddles, no Little clothes, nothing. Later he explained he felt as if he needed to do that, to make sure he could still be who he used to be.”

“How long did he manage?”

“By lunchtime he was breaking down already. Had a tantrum until I disciplined him. The rest of the day was fine and he was enjoying himself, until I told him about what happened with Garth. He was a bit quiet after that, but nothing more. I figured he just needed time to process.”

“From what you’re telling me, it seems like Dean has been struggling since yesterday morning. He very actively tried to repress his Little feelings and I wouldn’t be surprised if his mind was rebelling now, because of that. Trying to suppress it that hard after months of not doing so… well, I can’t say I’m surprised.”

It made sense. Castiel closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It seemed that Dean’s own actions might be the cause of this semi state of regression and he wondered how he was going to break it to the boy. If he was even going to.

“What do I do?” he asked.

“You’re going to be there for him. You’re going to let him ride this one out, because that’s all you can do. There are no cures for regression. What I would advise is doing Little activities with him, because that’s all his body is capable of. He won’t feel as trapped when he isn’t reminded of his limitations, I suppose. Give it a try, Castiel, and call me again tomorrow morning.”

“I will. Thank you, Ellen.”

“Oh , and Castiel?”

“Yes?”

“Call someone to help you. Benny, or Charlie. You don’t have to carry this alone, you know that, right?”

“I know.” Castiel said, doubting if he was going to follow Ellen’s advice. Days with ‘normal Little Dean’ went fine when he was flying solo, so he didn’t expect this to be different. If the boy didn’t have another break down, that was.

~*~

Ellen had apparently heard the lie in Castiel’s voice, because Benny was there not an hour later, carrying groceries and an extra-large stuffed elephant. He grinned as he saw Castiel’s surprised face, then quickly strode to the kitchen, distributing what he brought.

Castiel sat down and watched him as he nursed his cup of coffee. When Benny shut the refrigerator door a bit too harshly, he spoke up. “Shhh! You’ll wake him!”

Benny turned around and frowned, until his eyes landed on the new crib in the corner of the kitchen. His eyebrows shot up as he walked over, seeing Dean huddled into a corner, tucked in like a burrito. “You wrapped him up good,” Benny snickered.

Castiel sighed.  “He hasn’t moved an inch since I tucked him in. He’s sleeping, but he’s not tossing and turning.”

“Might have to do with his mindset, I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“Of course, you wouldn’t, you’re not close enough,” Castiel snapped, words tumbling out of his mouth before he realized the impact.

Benny froze and looked up at Castiel.

“Oh God I’m sorry Benny, that’s not what I mean… it’s... it's been a long day,” Castiel said, thinking that was a piss poor excuse.

Benny agreed. “You are this boy’s father and driving yourself into the ground because of it doesn’t mean you can take it out on the people closest to you. Just because you know I won’t back off that easy, doesn’t give you the permission to treat me like I’m disposable. You remember that, cher ?” he asked as he pointed towards Castiel.

“I know,” Castiel mumbled. “I’m sorry.”

Benny seemed to take it. “I’ll let this one slip. But you’re not getting mayo on your sandwich,” he laughed softly as he took the large elephant over to Dean. He sat the stuffed animal down in the corner of the crib, opposite Dean, careful not to wake the sleeping boy.

When he walked back, he gave Castiel’s shoulder a squeeze. “We all have a bad day now and then, brother. Let’s forget about it, okay?”

Castiel sighed and nodded. “Thank you, Benny.”

“When’s that new dog of yours coming in?” Benny asked.

With all the ruckus that'd been going on, Castiel had totally forgotten about the new arrival. “We’re picking him up this coming Thursday. Want to come with?”

“Sure, I’ll be there.” Benny replied. As Benny poured himself some orange juice, the little bundle in the crib began to stir.

“Daddy?” the bundle said.

Castiel chuckled, walked over and looked down into two huge green eyes sticking out from under the blanket.

“Still the same?” Castiel asked softly.

“Still the same,” Dean confirmed as he blinked away a tear.

After lowering one side of the crib, Castiel undid Dean of all the blankets and pulled him up in his arms. The boy was pliant, sleep-warm in his arms. “We’re going to have a nice day inside, we’ll play with the cars on the play mat and watch some television and Benny is going to make us some lunch. And this afternoon we can make a list together of things we can do when Tig gets here, okay?”

Dean’s eyes lit up when Cas mentioned Tig and he nodded enthusiastically. “Sounds good, Daddy.”

Castiel hoped Dean would be able to stay calm despite what was happening and secretly thanked Ellen for being stubborn and sending Benny his way.

“Daddy?”

“Yes sweetheart?”

“Heard you talking to Ellen, heard what she said. I think she’s right. I did this. You don’t… please don’t feel guilty Daddy.”

Castiel was trying hard to hold back tears. “Okay. Okay, I won’t Dean. We’ll be okay. Just promise me you won't try to be that Big again. You can't... you can't handle it, sweetheart.”

Dean nodded. “Daddy?”

“Yes Dean?”

“Love you,”

Castiel couldn’t hold back a sob. He looked Dean in the eyes and then proceeded to kiss him on his forehead. “Love you too. My big boy.”

Chapter Text

A day later, Dean was still in a state of semi-regression. He’d stopped panicking, but he wasn’t happy either. Castiel tried everything he could to keep Dean’s mind off of things, but it wasn’t easy. Dean would often sit and stare, not really responding to Castiel until he touched him. This would then startle Dean, who ended up grumpy over being disturbed.

Dean was in his crib in the kitchen, laying on his side with the huge elephant Benny had brought. It was a perfect size for Dean to wrap his arms around and snuggle tightly, though one of his hands still had a weak grasp on Mister Elephant’s trunk. Castiel had been trying to put Mister Elephant in the wash for a while now, but Dean wouldn’t have it and especially not in the headspace he was in right now. Castiel would try again when his boy was fully Big.

After Castiel had finished prepping for tonight’s dinner, he walked over to Dean and stroked his hair. “How about after a diaper change, we’ll call Sam?”

Castiel had texted Sam to see if he was free for a Skype call and Sam had responded enthusiastically. They hadn’t been in touch for a few days, not with all the hassle surrounding Gordon. Castiel thought skyping with Sam might lighten Dean’s mood a little.

When he mentioned Sam’s name, Dean’s eyes lit up and he smiled. He nodded and then lifted his arms, dropping Mister Elephant. This was yet another reminder of how his headspace was struggling.

Dean’s lower lip began to tremble and Castiel scooped the boy up in his arms before he could start to cry, rocking him and trying to calm Dean down. “Big boy, remember?”

Dean nodded and hid his face in Castiel’s shoulder. “Big boy,” he mumbled as they went to the nursery.

Castiel was glad they made the switch to cloth diapers. He knew many people advocated them because of environmental issues, and he agreed with them, but that wasn’t his primary reason for switching. He wanted Dean to be as comfortable as possible and the cloth diapers helped a lot with his sensitive skin. Dean barely got a rash anymore because the cotton allowed the skin to breathe, which meant less itching and a happier Dean. Dean was also a big fan of the different sets; the one with classic American cars on them was one of his favorites.

After wiping the boy down and putting on some neutral cream, he snapped him in a fresh, clean diaper and tugged up the boy’s sweatpants. He had been talking to Dean the entire time, but had hardly received a response. When he looked, he could see that the thumb had once again won the fight and was tucked in Dean’s mouth. Castiel was worried Dean would one day end up breaking the skin with his teeth, so he tried to prevent it as much as possible. Getting a pacifier from the top of the drawer, he pulled Dean’s thumb out. The boy started to whine but was quiet again as soon as Castiel slid the pacifier in. Dean was still grumpy though, scowling at Castiel and making a fuss when he tried to pick him up. Dean was squirming and didn’t stop moving until he was in his office, starting up his laptop so they could Skype Sam.

After just one ring, Sam accepted the call, greeting them excitedly. “Hey guys!” he said as he gave a small wave. Sam was sitting on his bed and judging by the shaking, had his laptop on his knees.

Castiel said hello and Dean scooted forward, trying to get close to the screen.

“Dean, all I can see is your forehead,” Sam chuckled.

Dean clumsily put his elbows on the table and kissed the camera, causing Sam to laugh. Dean laughed right along with him as he sat back down in Castiel’s lap. Castiel put his arms around the boy and rubbed Dean’s belly. The boy was finally at a good weight for his height and had even developed a bit of a pudge, which Castiel loved. Blowing raspberries on it during a diaper change was his favorite. Dean was by no means big though; he still looked more than a boy than a man, even though he did shave Dean every other day. Dean wasn’t bulky, or gruff. Maybe he’d get physically larger as the years went by, they would have to wait and see.

Dean was a bit self-conscious about the pudge and tried to push Castiel’s hand away, but he wouldn’t let him. Instead he put his hands together right on top of it and pulled back a bit, giving Dean a hug.

Sam was talking to them about school and Castiel noticed Dean was trying his very best to concentrate on what was being said and being engaged in the conversation. Castiel had already explained the problems Dean was having with his headspace, but could tell Sam was curious.

 “So, I don’t really get it. Are you Big wanting to be Little now, or…?” Sam asked.

Dean cast his eyes down and mumbled a reply. “Well I wanna be Big, but my body says I should be Little. But it’s not really forcing me, in my head I mean, so, I guess I’m sorta trapped…”

Castiel could see the empathy on Sam’s face and wished Sam could be here. Dean really loved spending time with Sam and had fully accepted that their roles had switched, which allowed him to completely enjoy every moment spent with his brother. Sam was the same, doting on both Big and Little Dean, taking care of him but playing, too. Sam was certainly big and strong enough to help Little Dean with physical activities. Castiel had a round swing installed on the porch, big enough for two adults so certainly big enough for Dean. He knew Sam would have the energy to push that thing all afternoon if Little Dean wanted that. He couldn’t wait for Sam to come visit again.

Sam agreed. “Man, I miss you guys,” he said.

Dean nodded. “We miss you too. I want you to come by,” he almost whined, then turned to rest his head on Castiel’s chest.

Sam was surprised to see Dean so clingy. “Dean? Dean come on kiddo, look at me,” he said.

Dean turned his head so he could sneak a peek at Sam, but made no other move to push away from Castiel.

“Dean, I’ll be there before you know it, okay? Just think about all the fun things that are going to happen! You’re picking up Tig this week, right? I bet that’ll be fun! And I heard Benny was coming along too.”

“Yeah, Uncle Benny is coming too. And my Elephants.” Dean replied.

“Elephants? More than one?”

The boy nodded. “I have a big one and a small one now. Daddy wants to put the small one in the wash but I don’t want that.” He grumbled.

Castiel laughed softly. “I’m thinking about getting another Mister Elephant. That way he won’t have to miss him.”

Green eyes looked up at Castiel. “No! You’re not going to replace him!” he stated as he pushed weakly at Castiel’s chest.

“Dean, be nice.” He said.

His boy wasn’t having it. Dean’s lips were trembling and he looked angry. “I don’t want another one! I only want mine!”

Castiel could see that he needed to calm his boy down and said as much to Sam, who promised to call later that evening. After closing the laptop, he walked over to the kitchen with Dean in his arms. He was preparing a bottle before Dean went down for his nap and getting some coffee for himself.

“Don’t want a bottle…” Dean whined.

Castiel was getting frustrated with Dean’s behavior, but said nothing as he prepared it. Dean, who had his head buried against Castiel, kept squirming. “Shh, I’ll let you down in a minute, sit still sweetheart,” he cooed.

As he was pouring the coffee, Dean had apparently had enough and tried to turn, causing Castiel to knock over the mug. Hot coffee spilled over his hand and he cursed as he felt the burn. “Fuck!”

Quickly, he sat Dean down on the floor and stuck his hand under some running water. He grumbled and turned his hand, inspecting it. It was stinging, which was a good sign. It was only a little bit red, so the damage was minimal, but he knew he’d feel it for a day or two.

After about five minutes, he turned the tap off and with the sound of running water now gone, he heard the sniffles coming from the floor. Taking a deep breath, he turned and faced Dean, who was looking up at him, pouting and sniffling. There were a few tears.

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” he mumbled.

Castiel wanted to console him, wanted to hold him and tell him it wasn’t his fault. But… he was tired. Frustrated. In need of caffeine. This semi-regression was hard on both of them and even though Castiel wanted to be strong for his boy, stress was wearing him out. Sure, maybe Castiel should have put Dean down before pouring hot coffee, but usually Dean was still enough, no matter his headspace.

“You knew I was working with hot stuff. Whether it was milk or coffee, shouldn’t matter! You need to be careful, Dean!” he scolded the boy, ignoring the flash of guilt that settled in his belly.

The bottle was still on the kitchen island, waiting to be drunk. Castiel ignored a sniffling Dean and poured himself some new coffee. Taking the coffee and the bottle over to the living room, he took a few seconds to compose himself. Dean was freaking out, and rightfully so, but Castiel needed just one moment to get himself together. He took a deep breath before he walked back into the kitchen.

Dean was still sitting exactly the way he left him and when he saw Castiel, he lifted his arms. Castiel picked him up and Dean plastered himself to him, holding on as tight as his mindset would allow.

“I didn’t mean to, Daddy!” he exclaimed.

Castiel was still a bit grumpy, but knew he shouldn’t take it out on his son. “I know. I’m sorry for overreacting… I shouldn’t have upset you like that. Just… just promise me you’ll be careful next time, okay?”

“Okay,” Dean replied softly.

Castiel pulled Dean down so the boy was laying with his neck in the crook of Castiel’s elbow. His butt was between Castiel’s knees and he was sideways on the sofa, stretching out as Castiel put the nipple of the bottle in his mouth. Big Dean was always grumpy about a bottle, but would be just fine as soon as he tasted the milk, a little bit of cinnamon making it taste like apple pie.

Dean’s eyes began to droop with exhaustion even as he tried to stay focused on Castiel, trying to make sure everything was okay between them. Castiel smiled and winked, but didn’t say anything. Dean knew they were back on track and allowed himself to drift off, going lax in Castiel’s hold.

The bottle was almost empty, so Castiel called it a win. Being careful not to wake Dean, he carefully pulled him up, then carried him to the nursery. Getting a clean diaper on a sleeping Dean was a bit harder than normal, but he wouldn’t dare wake him. If he woke Dean now, he wouldn’t go back to sleep and all chances for an afternoon nap would be gone, meaning he’d have one very cranky little boy this evening.

~*~

Dean had his eyes closed and his body was relaxed, but somewhere he was conscious of the fact that Daddy was changing his diaper. It seemed that his mind had begun transitioning to Little as well, finally getting in sync with his body. Dean welcomed it; he was exhausted. He wanted to regress, especially if it meant that when he got out of it, both mind and body would be Big again. He wouldn’t try to be as Big as he used to anymore, especially not if this semi-regression was a consequence.

He could feel Daddy cleaning his bits and putting on some new cream. Dean tried to open his eyes, but it wasn’t working. His mouth was feeling empty and he tried to put his thumb in, but couldn’t even lift his arm halfway. Daddy noticed though, Daddy always noticed, and he felt a pacifier slide in. He latched on and started suckling lazily. By the sound of it Daddy was putting away the cream and a few moments later he felt Daddy push at his hip, causing him to roll over, facing the wall. A diaper was slid under and he was rolled back, his legs falling to the sides. Daddy pulled the diaper through and after he was tucked in just right, snapped it shut. If he wasn't tucked in the right way, he'd leak through the sides of the diaper and that had been a one time mistake. Neither Dean nor Daddy wanted a repeat of that. 

When he was in just a diaper and a legless onesie, Daddy picked him up. Dean couldn’t control his legs, but Daddy had it covered, keeping an arm under them and carrying him sideways to the crib. Dean was laid down and then put under the covers. He was being tucked in tight, just the way he liked it. He noticed he didn’t have Mister Elephant yet, and that just wouldn’t do.

Dean started to moan and whine and just before he opened his eyes, he heard his Daddy whisper. “Shhh, I’ll go get your elephant.”

Dean made a happy sound and turned his head to one side. He’d almost drifted off completely when Daddy came back, tucking Mister Elephant under the covers with him.

The regression was now going rapidly and he knew Little Dean was taking over. Dean let him, happy to release all adult thoughts. He didn’t want to worry, he didn’t want to be unhappy. He could feel Daddy stroking his hair and he let go; sleep pulling him in to dreams.

~*~

Thursday morning found Castiel in the kitchen, whipping up breakfast. Dean had finally fully regressed two days ago. When Castiel went to get him after his afternoon nap, the boy had been fully Little. Castiel was happy that Dean had seemed to be getting back on track. Little Dean was a happy camper these last two days and having Dean in a good mood meant that Castiel was feeling better, too.

Bobby and Garth had come by yesterday evening and Garth had sat down on the living room floor with Little Dean, racing cars and playing with the building blocks. Garth would make the tower as high as he could before Dean would smash it with an uncoordinated swing of his arms.

Garth was good at looking after Little Dean, even making sure that Dean’s oral fixation didn’t go overboard. There had only been one toy car with a bite mark, which was a win. Castiel had thrown it away immediately and had presented Dean with a large teething ring. Even though Dean had a normal, adult set of teeth and wasn't growing in his baby ones, he mind still told him to chew on whatever he could get his hands on. His teeth were strong and so were his jaw muscles and if they weren’t careful, Dean could do some real damage to either his mouth or the thing he was biting.

While Dean and Garth played, Bobby and Castiel had discussed Gordon. Jody Mills and her team had found him rather quickly and had taken him into custody and Castiel was pressing charges. Bobby added charges too after the assault on Garth, since it happened in his shop, and they didn’t know if Gordon would be released on bail or not.

Jody promised to keep them updated as things progressed.

Finishing the last of the pancakes, Castiel heard the baby monitor come to life. He heard the side of the crib being lowered and that was a sure sign that Dean was Big again. As expected, Dean walked into the kitchen just a few moments later, bedhead still present, Mister Elephant still in one hand and a bad case of saggy-butt. He looked adorable in just a t-shirt and a diaper and as he came to give Castiel a hug, Castiel could feel he was still soft and sleep warm.

“Come on, the pancakes will keep. Let’s get you in some warmer clothes first, huh?” Castiel said as he took Dean by the hand. When he walked over to the staircase, Dean pulled his hand.

“Nooo,” he whined and went to stand in front of Castiel. Recognizing the question, Castiel picked Dean up and the boy melted in to him, wrapping his legs around his hips and his arms around his shoulders. Castiel felt like he had a huge sloth in his arms and gripped him tight as he went to the nursery.

“Do you know what day it is today, Dean?” he asked as he changed Dean’s diaper.

Dean shook his head.

“It’s Thursday. Do you know what that means?”

Dean’s eyes widened. “Tig!”

“That’s right! We’re picking up Tig today. All the stuff is here and now we just need to pick up our new friend. You excited?”

Dean nodded and smiled. “Uh huh! When do we pick him up?”

“We’ll leave after lunch, so you’ve got the entire morning to be nervous,” Castiel joked.

Dean laughed at that and giggled when Castiel was tickling his belly. Castiel really did love that little roll of fat on Dean’s tummy. He bowed over and put his lips on it, blowing hard, causing Dean to yell out with laughter. Dean was kicking his legs in the air and when Castiel stood back up Dean surprised him.

“Again, Daddy!”

He wouldn’t have to be told twice and repeated his action, Dean laughing again. Dean’s giggles were special, the sounds he made not heard often and Castiel felt proud for being able to make Dean so happy, especially after the last couple of days.

~*~

“You’ve come to pick up Tig?” the brunette asked them. Benny was looking around and Daddy was looking at the lady. Dean was holding Daddy’s hand but didn’t want to be carried; he was Big now and besides, he wanted to be the one who could hold Tig’s leash when they walked him to the car.

The brunette looked at Dean holding Daddy’s hand and frowned, but made no remark. Dean didn’t say anything, he didn’t want to pick a fight. Maybe this lady was nice and just didn’t know what to think of it.

They followed the lady, who said her name was Meg, and walked with her to go get Tig. He was outside now, playing in the field with a couple of other dogs. Dean yelled out his name as soon as he saw them. The dog responded, but probably more because of Dean’s voice than the actual name. Dean and Castiel wanted to name him Tig, but here he was still called Jack. Dogs would easily adapt though anid Tig immediately came running over.

Dean could see Benny was impressed; Tig was larger than Jax and Jax had been big, even for a shepherd.

“It ain’t no Chihuahua, I’ll tell ya that,” Benny snickered and Dean laughed at that. He let go of Daddy’s hand and went over to Tig, who was now wagging his tail excitedly and had no problem with Dean puttinga new collar on him and putting him on a leash.

Daddy walked away to talk to Meg while Dean and Benny stayed and watched the other dogs.

“Cool, huh?” Dean asked.

Benny ruffled Dean’s hair. “Sure is, Lil’ Man. You excited to take him home?”

Dean was crouching down, giving Tig a good hug. “Mmm,” he replied. The dog wasn’t overly excited and let himself be hugged, but still licked Dean’s face when he backed away.

“Ugh,” Dean grumbled, wiping his face. He didn’t mind though, he liked dog kisses.

Benny and Dean walked back to the front, where Daddy was talking to Meg. She had a hand on his fore arm and Dean didn’t like it. Was this lady flirting with his Daddy?

Dean cleared his throat and Daddy startled, dropping the pen he was holding. Meg let go of Daddy’s arm and bent over slowly, grabbing the pen from the floor and giving it back to him.

She put a hand on Daddy's waist. “Thank you for supporting our shelter. I hope to see you again, Castiel. Maybe we should meet up for coffee sometime, huh?”

It was clear that Daddy didn’t really know how to act around her. “Maybe,” he said with wide eyes, as she stood behind the counter. She had leaned forward and all but thrusted her cleavage at him. Dean could tell Daddy didn’t really know where to look and that he whole situation was making him uncomfortable.

He didn’t think before he blurted out his next sentence. “Daddy, come on, can we take Tig home now?”

Meg smirked. Dean didn’t like her.

“Daddy kink huh? Cute…” she replied, then winked at Castiel. She fucking winked.

Dean could practically feel the steam coming out his ears and stomped over to Daddy, taking his hand. “We’re leaving,” he stated and pulled Daddy with him.

Daddy was usually composed but right now Dean could swear he was blushing. Dean didn’t like it one bit. Besides, he thought Daddy was asexual? Then what was this? Although, being asexual didn’t mean Castiel didn’t want a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend.

Benny chuckled as he followed them and Dean turned around and glared at the sailor. That made Benny full out laugh. Tig looked from Dean to Benny, decided they were both fine and wagged his tail as they got to the Lincoln.

The car ride home was tense, to say the least.

~*~

Castiel kept going over his conversation with Meg. She was nice; he liked her. She was invested in the dogs and their well-being and had told him all about Tig and how he was when he was brought in. She acted differently when Dean was around though, and that worried him.

It was almost as if she needed to prove something and would try to make sure Castiel’s attention was still on her when Dean was in the room. That wouldn’t do and Castiel would never intentionally ignore Dean.

He felt a bit guilty for how he had acted back at the animal shelter, but Meg had suddenly acted so different he didn’t really know what to make of it.

The ride back had been awkward, but he didn’t really know why. Dean was acting grumpy even though it should have been a fun afternoon. They finally got their dog and Dean had been looking forward to this for weeks.

Castiel tried to not pay attention to Dean’s mood that much, but it was hard to ignore. The boy was happy as a fiddle when he was around their new dog and even though Castiel tried to include himself, Dean wasn’t having it. Castiel would throw a ball for Tig and Dean would yell and call the dog, so Tig would bring the ball to himself instead of Castiel, and then proceeded to throw it all on his own. Castiel didn’t understand why Dean was being so distant.

The older man went into the kitchen, looking for some comfort food. Getting a bowl of salted peanuts, he went outside to sit on the porch, watching Dean and Tig play ball in the yard. Dean didn’t even yell ‘hello’ or a ‘hi Daddy’. Castiel felt himself getting angry, but he told himself he would sit Dean down to talk about it. In a while. First, peanuts.

He startled when Benny sat down next to him. “Forgot I was still here?”

Yes. “No,” Castiel lied.

Benny laughed. “’S okay, I was just in the shed checking out the barbeque and all that. Making sure it was still in shape. Weather is getting better so we could go barbecue again soon.”

“Sounds nice,” Castiel replied distractedly, watching Dean and Tig.

“He’s just jealous, you know.”

Castiel turned around to face Benny. “I thought so. Because of Meg?”

“Well, she was coming on kinda strong, don’t ya think?” Benny asked.

Castiel sighed. “She was acting normal before Dean came in. Don’t know why she acted the way she did. Still, Dean has no right to treat me the way he’s doing now.”

“Then why are you letting him? Why haven’t you talked to him yet?” Benny countered.

Castiel looked at Benny and frowned. “Well, I…”

“You think it’s okay for him to ignore you?”

“Well, no, but- “

“I'm not giving you parenting advice here. You're his father, so you deal with it. Just, don't wait to long, okay brother?” With that, Benny stood up and stretched, then walked over to say goodbye to Dean and Tig. Castiel stood up as well, waiting until Benny had gotten in his car.

“Dean?” he called out.

Dean pretended he didn’t hear him and went to grab the ball.

“Dean Novak! Porch, now!”

Dean turned around and stared, but made no move.

“NOW, Dean.” Castiel said, then turned around to sit on the porch swing. He didn’t check to see if Dean was following his order; he wanted to show that he expected Dean to follow him without looking back.

Sure enough, Dean was walking over to him, both hands in his pockets.

“Sit down, please.”

Dean sat down next to him but still didn’t speak a word.

“Are you angry about what happened earlier? With me and Meg?”

Dean seemed to mull it over, but nodded eventually.

“You know I have no interest in her, right? She… she caught me off guard, that is all. What I don’t get is why you’re making such a big deal out of this.”

“It’s just… she… and then you...” Dean rambled.

“Dean, you know you’re my number one boy. Are you really going to let something small like this get so big?”

“No…” Dean mumbled, cheeks reddening. “But I just don’t want something like that to come between what you and I have, I guess.”

Castiel sighed and put an arm around Dean’s shoulder. “Every time I think I’ve gotten through to you, something like this happens. A small incident or just a few words taken the wrong way, and you think I’ll just up and leave you. When are you finally going to realize that this is long term, Dean?”

Dean finally raised his head to look at Castiel. “I don’t know. I can’t… it’s just hard to believe that we can have this. That I can have this.”

He put a hand through Dean’s hair. “I understand why you acted the way you did. But it doesn’t excuse your behavior… ignoring me? That hurts, Dean. Hurts to think you can’t come talk to me when you’re struggling.”

“Am I in trouble?” Dean asked.

Castiel squeezed Dean’s hand. “I wouldn’t call it trouble. More just giving you the time to self-reflect.”

Castiel stood up and held out a hand for Dean. Dean took it, but kept his head down as Castiel lead them inside. He instructed Tig to lay down in the kitchen, rewarded him with a treat, then walked over to the stair case. “I want you to sit on the stairs and think about your behavior. When you feel up to apologizing, you come to me.”

“You want me to sit here? But that’s boring!”

Castiel smiled. “Exactly.” He walked away and heard Dean sit down with a loud thump.

It wasn’t even a minute until Dean shuffled into the kitchen.  “’M sorry,” he mumbled quickly. “Won’t do it again. Can I watch TV now?”

Castiel raised his eyebrows. “First off; no. Second; that didn’t really sound like a sincere apology. Back to the stairs.”

Dean staggered and started to open his mouth. Castiel cut him off before he could even speak. “I said NO, Dean. Back to the stairs.”

“When did you start watching Supernanny...?” he asked quietly.

“No time for that with you around! On the stairs, now.” Castiel replied quickly, getting tired of Dean’s backlash.

“Fine!”

“Thank you.”

Dean went to sit again and Castiel used the time to finish up some things. Going into the living room he picked up some empty tea-cups and brought them into the kitchen, walking past Dean as he did so. He ignored the boy even though Dean followed his every move.

Castiel walked up the stairs to go do some laundry and he could tell Dean wanted to say something, but he didn’t even make eye contact with him and walked straight past. Dean hated that and Castiel knew it.

When he walked back down, Dean tried to talk to him.

“Daddy, please…”

“No, Dean. Think about your behavior.”

“Don’t just ignore me!”

Castiel took a deep breath and turned around. “I’m not. I’m giving you time to think about how you handled the situation.”

That shut Dean’s mouth and the boy crossed his arms, then huffed as he turned to look away from Castiel. The older man rolled his eyes and went back over to the kitchen.

After making himself some hot chocolate, he walked over to the couch, sitting down. Tig had followed him from the kitchen and Castiel gave him a cookie. The dog laid down and was a nice, warm pillow for his feet.

After putting on the news, he almost forgot about his boy. Then again; it was up to Dean to figure out how long he needed to be punished, he could go and come apologize (sincerely) when he felt like it.

Just as he finished his hot chocolate, Dean came shuffling in. He sat down next to Castiel and murmured an apology. Castiel lifted his arm, causing Dean to snuggle up beside him.

“I really am sorry, Daddy. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m sorry. I was jealous, I guess.”

“Thank you for apologizing, Dean. You know I would never put anyone else in front of you. Meg’s behavior was… unwanted. I shouldn’t have let it get that far. I’m not experienced with those kinds of situations, and to have them happen in front of my son was a definite first. I should’ve let her know I wasn’t interested, but it happened. It’s in the past now.”

Dean nodded and buried himself deeper. Castiel pulled the boy in tight and switched the channel to Nickelodeon. Dean was asleep not ten minutes after.

Chapter Text

Sam was flying in tomorrow for spring break. Castiel was making Sam’s bed while Dean finished up decorating. One of the guestrooms had been made into Sam’s very own, a place where he could retreat if he wanted to. As expected, Dean took his part very seriously, making sure to put all of Sam’s favorite books on the shelves and tack some posters on the wall. Dean had also put a photo of Dean and Sam, taken at Christmas, on the bedside table. There was a desk so Sam could study, if he wanted to, and Castiel had bought Sam a new laptop. The old one he’d brought with him last time just wouldn’t do, and Castiel wanted Sam to have the very best for school, not to mention easier Skype sessions without Sam’s laptop heating up every single time.

Dean had been bouncing around all morning, moving and re-arranging the books, pushing the desk from one wall to another (“If we put it here, he can look outside! Oh wait… then the sun would be shining right in his face. I’ll move it this way.”) until Castiel had taken him by his shoulder and guided him out of the room. It was all ready for Sam’s arrival anyway, and they both needed to eat.

As Castiel watched his boy eat with gusto, he thought about the last couple of weeks. Things were going great; Dean was still working two or three days a week, the Plymouth coming along nicely. It was nowhere near finished, but Dean didn’t mind the slow progress. Although Gordon was released (they offered him leniency for being a first-time offender, he had to pay a hefty fine), he hadn’t been around the shop or anywhere else. They hadn't been sure what to expect; there was no restraining order so they didn't know if they had seen the last of the man. But all had been quiet, so the worries had lessened.

Garth had moved back in with Bess and seemed to be going in the right direction. Aaron and Dean were two peas in a pod; when Castiel came to collect Dean after he had regressed at work one day, he found Aaron walking around in circles on the work floor, pushing a wheelbarrow with Dean sitting in it like a king on his throne. Aaron would swerve the thing around and Dean would giggle in excitement, only noticing Castiel when Aaron stopped right in front of him. Castiel couldn’t hold in his laughter any more than Bobby could (who had been watching from his office) and had given Aaron a hug for taking such good care of Dean. Aaron had hesitated at first, but had put his arms around Castiel in the end. Aaron had been talking more and more, much to everyone’s surprise. Progress was being made all around.

Sam and Castiel spoke frequently, and this was how he knew that Sam had been texting back and forth with Jessica, who he had met the day they had to let Jax go. Apparently, numbers had been exchanged when Sam had gone over the last time to pick up the ashes. They were even planning on going on a date when Sam came to visit, and the boy was nervous to say the least. Dean didn’t know about this yet and Castiel wondered how Dean would react.

Dean had been careful about trying not to be ‘too Big’, not wanting to repeat a semi-regression again. There had been consequences to that headspace, which Castiel hadn’t told Sam yet. Dean could no longer control his bowel movements and that had been something Dean was learning to accept. It wasn’t easy, but Dean was handling it much better every time. There had been crying the first time it happened when he was Big, because he never felt it coming. However, Castiel treated it like any other time and urged Dean to do the same. Distraction was number one during a diaper change and Castiel would often keep talking about random things or ask Dean questions about his day. Dr. Turner had prescribed a stool softener, a powder which could be put in his formula, so it wouldn’t hurt as much. Dean’s mood was a big factor in his physical well-being. The rest was going well; he regressed about two to three times a week. Sometimes it would be a day, other times longer. Dean hadn’t been regressed to infancy in quite a while now which made Castiel a very happy man. Dean hated those regressions and Castiel found them difficult, too; he knew how to handle it, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t hurt seeing his boy in such a vulnerable state.

“Finished?” Castiel asked. The question was unnecessary, seeing as the plate was empty and Dean’s eyes were drooping. Dean was doing his utmost best at not knocking his head on the table, jerking awake as soon as his head lolled forward too much. Castiel took the plates and cutlery to the sink and washed his hands. Turning around he saw Dean was about to tip forward, exhaustion taking over after such a busy morning. Castiel chuckled and quickly went over, taking his boy in his arms to carry him to the nursery.

After putting Dean down for his afternoon nap, he texted Sam, who had replied immediately.

Castiel: Everything packed and ready to go?

Sam: Yes, I can’t wait! I should arrive at 1pm.

Castiel: Wonderful. Dean and I will be waiting.

Sam: How is Dean?

Castiel: Excited. He spent the entire morning making sure everything was ready for your arrival. He fell asleep at the table just now.

Sam: I wish I was there already. I just want to cuddle him.

Castiel: You will. Tomorrow.

Sam: I know. I’ll see you then!

Castiel: Bye Sam.

After putting his phone on the charger, Castiel laid down on the sofa, ready for an afternoon nap of his own.

~*~

Sam was tired. Not getting a good night’s sleep, crying babies in the waiting area and on the airplane… he couldn’t wait to be in his bed, at home with Castiel and Dean.

He let out a wide yawn as he went over to the exit. When he walked out, he saw Castiel talking to Dean, a serious expression on his face and Dean pouting. Sam smiled to himself; he wondered what Dean did this time.

“Cas! Dean!” he yelled out.

Dean turned immediately and ran over, the stark contrast in how he was dressed making him look utterly adorable. Dean was dressed in sweatpants and an Elmo t-shirt, but had on his heavy boots and a leather jacket. It was Big mixed with Little and the only thing that was missing, was Mister Elephant. Who he could now see, was safely tucked in Castiel’s hands. He knew Dean never went anywhere without it.

His brother tried everything but crawl in to him and it was times like these that Sam was glad he had such a strong and big body. Dean wrapped himself around Sam, clinging tight as Sam twirled him around. Sam didn’t feel as tired as he did before, all his attention now on his Little Big brother, who smelled like baby wipes and vanilla. Ignoring looks from people around them (even though Little’s weren’t that uncommon) he walked over to Castiel, Dean babbling in his ear about the trip to the airport and how he had been so excited, he hadn’t even eaten breakfast yet. Which said something, because Dean Winchester not eating was a rare sight.

Sam and Castiel walked over to the parking garage, Dean now content to just hold on to Sam and listen to what the other two were saying. Sam absentmindedly rubbed Dean’s back, sometimes giving him a kiss on his shoulder. He wouldn’t be surprised if Dean was checking out of the conversation, just happy to be together again and excited for to two weeks of Sam. They were also celebrating Easter together and Sam was looking forward to hiding eggs and making Dean look for them.

He never thought he’d feel this way about Dean, not even when he had just started accepting Dean’s regressions. It was as if the feeling kept growing, kept getting bigger. More and more he felt responsible for Dean, always wanting to know how he was and checking in with Castiel as often as possible. The years in which he had almost no contact with Dean were a dark memory. He’d been selfish; just wanting to get away from John and not thinking about how that might have affected Dean. It was Dean who had been a father to Sam, and Sam had just left, got cocky about being accepted into Stanford and had left Dean to deal with the aftermath.

Never would he have thought that Dean would end up like this because of what happened back then. That Sam would be sitting in the backseat of a car with a sleeping Dean in his arms (seat belt stretched out across the two of them). He looked at Dean’s face, soft with sleep. His eyes fluttered and he was probably dreaming; Sam wondered what kinds of things Dean dreamt about. His mouth hung open and when he felt a tap on his arm, he looked up. Castiel was holding out a light blue pacifier with stars and a comet on it. Sam took it and Castiel turned around again, turning the car onto the main road.

Sam held the pacifier in his hand for a while, looking at it from every angle. It was made for adults, large, but not heavy. It had a ring on the front so it could be attached to a clip or it could be pulled out with ease. Gently, Sam slipped the pacifier in Dean’s mouth, who closed his lips around it and began sucking immediately. Sam brushed away the longer locks of hair on Dean’s forehead and the boy turned his face towards the touch. Sam cupped Dean’s cheek and stroked his thumb over his cheekbone, Dean whimpering in response. Dean was the absolute picture of innocence.

After giving Dean a kiss on his forehead, Sam sat back and looked out the window, both arms holding Dean in a safe embrace. Sam swore to himself that he would never let anyone hurt his brother ever again. He’d felt so hopeless after he had heard what had happened with that Gordon person, not being able to come over and help with the aftermath. Castiel and Sam had talked about it, and it was decided that Sam would move in after he graduated. He could look for a job in the area straight away, or take a year off. He’d protested this at first, but Castiel had made it clear that financially it was no issue, and that it would benefit Dean a great deal to have Sam around so much, especially in the beginning. It didn’t have to be a full twelve months; it could also be just a couple, but either way it would be good for Dean to be with Sam and Castiel both as much as possible.

When they arrived home (Sam called it home – home was where Dean was), Sam carried Dean inside and followed Castiel to the kitchen, meeting Tig for the first time. Tig was big; but he looked sweet and fuzzy.

“What kind of mix is this?”

Castiel looked over at Tig and shrugged. “They didn’t know exactly, but their guess was a mix between a Bernese Mountain dog and a German Shepherd. Personally, I also see a bit of Leonberger in there. He’s large, dumb and adorable. Both Big and Little Dean adore him.”

Sam kept a tight hold on Dean and managed to release one hand to ruffle the dog’s fur. Tig sat down and panted, his large tongue flopping out and looking up with soft eyes. “He looks like he’s stoned.”

Castiel snickered. “That’s his usual expression. I’ve never seen a dog cuddlier than this one, so watch yourself when you sit on the couch. He’ll throw all 110 pounds of him on you without warning.”

“How is he with Little Dean?”

“He’s wonderful. Tig isn’t a very… active dog. His favorite hobby is sleeping. Then again, that’s Dean’s favorite hobby too. Little Dean has been known to use Tig’s stomach as a cushion and the dog has no issues with it. If Little Dean gets too active for his liking, he’ll just waddle out of the room and lay somewhere else. He’s not really bothered by anything.”

Sam sat down, his arms safely around Dean's waist. Dean was straddling his lap, his head hidden in the crook of Sam’s neck. His legs were dangling off Sam’s lap and his soft snores filled the silence of the kitchen. “He sounds like a really sweet dog. A good choice,” Sam said as he watched Tig lay down in front of a crib. “Hey, is that a new crib?”

“Yes, I found this worked better than a play mat. I didn’t go for a play pen because this has better padding, it’s similar to the one in his nursery. Sometimes he naps here in the afternoon. Speaking of, you can put him in it if you want,” Castiel said as he got some orange juice.

Sam was carefully taking Dean’s leather jacket off and snickered when one of Dean’s arms ungraciously flapped down after getting it out of the sleeve. The boy was out like a light. Laying the jacket on the table, he pulled Dean back to him again, making sure his head was on his shoulder so he could breathe easy. “No, I’m fine. I missed him.”

“At least go over to the sofa, you’ll be more comfortable there. Want something to drink?” Castiel asked.

Sam shook his head and stood up, carrying Dean to the living room. Tig slowly got up and followed them, laying down with a heavy sigh at Sam’s feet. He was surprised that Tig didn’t go on the couch as well, as Castiel had mentioned. He didn’t mind though; his feet would become nice and warm.

Castiel walked in with a bottle, handing it to Sam. Sam carefully manhandled Dean so he was laying across his lap and stroked Dean’s hair. “Dean… wake up kiddo,” he said as he carefully took out the pacifier.

Dean mumbled something and turned his head to hide in Sam’s chest. Sam smiled and tried again, this time more successful. Dean watched through half open eyelids, that didn’t open further until he saw the bottle. Dean opened his mouth and Sam put in the bottle, Dean immediately latching on. Sam knew Castiel was watching them and looked up, to see Castiel sitting in the recliner, looking at the two with a soft smile.

“Bottles even when he’s Big?” Sam asked quietly.

Castiel nodded and took a sip of his orange juice. “He’s letting go, even when he’s Big. It’s good progress.”

Turning his attention back on Dean, he noticed Dean’s eyes were already beginning to droop again. Dean was slowly drinking his milk, breathing in, swallowing, breathing out, breathing in, swallowing, breathing out. It was calming to look at and listen to.

Deciding to ask before Dean was too far gone, he looked his brother in the eyes. “Would it be okay if I put you down for your afternoon nap, instead of Daddy?”

He knew he had to ask, Little Dean would have no problem with it and he’d done so plenty of times, but he didn’t want to assume things with Big Dean. It turned out that it didn’t really make a difference anymore, as Dean’s reply was simple. “’Course Sammy, you don’ have to ask…” he mumbled before his mouth went lax and his eyes closed completely.

Sam set down the bottle and looked at Castiel, who smiled at Sam. “He’s right you know. You don’t have to ask. When you’re here, you take care of him as much as I do. Whoever he wants to put him to bed, he’ll say. When he’s Little, we’ll decide then.”

“Thanks, Cas.” Sam replied.

“No need to thank me, Sam. I’m glad you’re here.”

Castiel decided to take Tig for a walk. Sam stood up carefully, not wanting to jostle Dean too much.

When he walked into the nursery he was awed by the mural. He’d seen pictures, but it looked so much cooler in real life. After taking closer look, he decided it really was time to let Dean go now, although if he could carry Dean the entire day, he would. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed Dean until he was reunited.

Laying Dean down on the dresser, he got out a cloth diaper, some extra padding and a onesie. This one was pink, with Dora on the front. Sam frowned, but by the state of it (it had obviously been washed many times and even had a small hole in one of the sleeves) it was one of Dean’s favorites. Sam chuckled softly as he got Dean out of his clothes, the boy still sleeping soundly.

After putting on gloves (these were a size larger, Castiel must’ve bought them especially for Sam), he unsnapped the diaper and tossed it into the washing bin. It wasn’t heavily soiled so it didn’t have to be rinsed before it went in the wash. Getting wipes, which he noticed were also reusable (there was a plastic box with loads of wipes in them, some with prints and others in neutral soft baby colors) he wet them with warm water and cleaned Dean up from back to front. After putting on some cream, he turned Dean on his side to slide the diaper under, then noticed Dean was doing a number two. Right now.

Sam couldn’t believe this was happening. He was still under the impression that Big Dean pooped in the toilet. Sure, he’d cleaned Dean of the stuff before, but that was always when he was Little and wasn’t able to control his bowels. Surely, Dean was Big and he should feel it when he needed to go? At least wake up?

There wasn’t much time to ponder that as Sam hastily grabbed a few wipes to catch what was coming out. When he thought Dean was done, he carefully gathered the wipes and threw the contents into the toilet. After flushing, he rinsed out the wipes and put them in the washing bin with the rest. He would talk to Castiel about what happened and if this was normal for Big Dean.

Dean was still sleeping like a baby, apparently Sam’s squeak of surprise didn’t wake him or having felt that he had gone a number two. He was still on his side, his butt bare to the world, snoring softly and the sight of it made Sam laugh. Of all the things he anticipated what would happen today, this was not one of them.

He wet some more wipes and cleaned Dean again, then turned him over and tucked him in right, before snapping the diaper shut. The little pudge on Dean’s belly was a welcome sight, evidence of eating well and all signs of malnutrition completely vanished.

Carefully getting Dean into his Dora onesie, he made sure his brother was nice and warm and then laid him in his crib for his afternoon nap. There was Mister Elephant, brought with him from downstairs, and Sam tucked the stuffed animal in next to Dean. There was also a larger elephant, which must be the one Benny had given him. After tucking Dean in exactly the way he liked it, Sam left the little burrito and pressed play on the baby monitor, causing the sound of a soft lullaby to fill the room. He kept the door ajar and walked downstairs, yawning as he felt tiredness seeping back in his bones.

Castiel was still out with Tig so Sam made himself a cup of tea and walked around the house, now noticing how much it had changed over time. Sure, it had been a warm home ever since he was first here, but the feeling was now everywhere. Every room, the library, the kitchen, living room, even the bathroom, there was evidence of living. Mostly just toys everywhere, either one of Dean’s or one of Tig’s, sometimes it could be from either one of them. Pictures were also more prominent, many of Dean, some of Dean and Castiel together. One photo with Dean, Bobby, Garth and Aaron. Dean was sitting in a wheelbarrow and he looked awfully Little, but with a big grin on his face. They were in the middle of the shop and Dean was still in his coveralls. Sam wondered about the wheelbarrow but did admit it was a very adorable sight.

There was also a photo of Sam with a sleeping Dean on top of him. This photo was enlarged and was only in black and white. It was in a beautiful dark oak frame, hanging directly on the wall in front of the stairs; you would see it every time you walked down. Judging by his outfit and the surroundings, he recognized it as during Christmas. He was watching something, sitting on the couch, apparently so focused that he hadn’t noticed Castiel had taken a photo. Dean was sprawled out on top of him, his head sideways on Sam's chest and his mouth open, probably drooling a bit. One of Sam’s hands was in Dean’s hair and the other was on Dean’s back.

“That’s Dean’s favorite picture, did you know that?”

Sam startled, he hadn’t even heard Castiel come back in.

“Why?”

“Why is it his favorite picture you mean?” Castiel asked.

Sam nodded.

“Dean told me that when he first saw this picture on my phone, he finally realized how much you accepted him. Even though he wasn’t conscious, you still held him and stroked his hair. You obviously had your attention on the television screen, but you were holding him and you doing that, even absentmindedly, means the world to him. That you’re not just doing it only when he is awake.”

Sam was baffled. “What, did he think it was just an act before that?”

“That’s not what I said, Sam. I know you love your brother, but I think it wasn’t until he saw this that he was fully convinced. It’s a beautiful sentiment, don’t you think?”

Sam almost got tears in his eyes and looked back at the picture.

“Dean often stands here, just to look for a little while. He loves you very much, Sam.”

Sam wiped his eyes and sat his now empty tea cup on a nearby table. Voice shaking, he asked Castiel a question. “How can I go back now? I don’t want to leave…”

Castiel took a step forward and held Sam in his arms, calming him down. “You’ll get through it. When you’ve graduated you can stay here, you know that. Just promise me you’ll get that piece of paper, okay? We’ll be waiting. In the meantime, just enjoy your two weeks here, Sam.”

Sam nodded and burrowed deeper into Castiel’s arms, enjoying the hug.

~*~

It had been a long day. Not for Castiel, particularly, but he was sure it had been for both Dean and Sam. Right now, Sam was upstairs putting Dean to bed. Dean had asked him if it was okay if Sam did it. Castiel knew Dean felt as if he was bypassing his Daddy, but Castiel knew Dean had missed Sam terribly and had no issues with Sam taking over for today.

He made a pot of tea, knowing Sam would enjoy a cup or two before he went to bed. Sam was very tired; he could tell, but he knew Sam needed someone to talk to before he turned in for the night. Back in the living room, he turned on the news, setting it on mute as Sam walked back in, sitting directly next to him on the couch. He poured himself a cup of tea and leaned back.

Castiel lifted his arm and Sam scooted down, leaning against Castiel, making sure the tea cup was still up right. “He go to bed okay?”

Sam chuckled softly. “Oh yeah. He’s out like a light. I was jealous, can’t wait to turn in myself.”

“Then why haven’t you?”

“Needed to ask you something first,” Sam stated.

Castiel was curious. “Do tell.”

“I was getting Dean ready for his afternoon nap and when I turned him on his side, he…”

“Did a number two?”  Castiel asked, trying to hide the smugness in his voice.

Sam looked up. “How did you know?”

“Let’s just say it’s not uncommon. It’s not the first time it happened on the dresser, or anywhere else for that matter.”

“But he’s Big now!” Sam countered.

Castiel nodded. “True, but ever since that semi-regression, he can’t control it anymore. It’s like a flip had been switched. It doesn’t really bother him. Not anymore. I never made a big deal out of it, so in the end, neither did he. Did you?”

“Well, no, but it still surprised me.”

“I understand. He usually defecates about fifteen minutes or half an hour after a bottle. You just happened to be changing his diaper when he did. Did you rinse out the wipes and throw them in the wash?”

“I did. It was just… he slept through the whole thing!”

“I know,” Castiel chuckled. “It’s actually quite interesting. He has no control anymore, no matter how much he tries. When he was Big in his mind, but his body was Little, it just went, and he consciously went through that. After that semi-regression, he regressed to a normal Little, then went back to being Big, both in mind and body. He hadn’t been able to control his bladder for months now, so ultimately it was no surprise that this followed eventually.”

Sam seemed to understand. “That must be horrible,” he stated.

Castiel shrugged. “He doesn’t seem to mind that much. Like you said, he doesn’t even wake up. He knows he’ll be taken care of no matter what. Sure, he doesn’t like to talk about it, but what’s there to talk about? It happens, I clean it up, new diaper and ready to go.”

Sam finished the rest of his tea and Castiel could see how exhausted he was.

“Go on Sam, go to bed.”

Sam stood up, wobbly but determined. Castiel followed Sam to his room, carrying up the suitcase that had been forgotten in the kitchen. When Sam turned on the light, he stood still. Castiel tried to imagine seeing the room for the first time, what a difference it was with the last time he was here.

“This is wonderful, Cas. Thank you. And Dean, of course.”

“You’re welcome Sam. This is your room now, I hope you enjoy it.”

Castiel left Sam, feeling exhausted himself. “I’m going to turn in too, breakfast is at eight.”

Sam nodded and started unpacking his suitcase. “See you then, Cas.”

“Goodnight, Sam.”

~*~

After a shower in the en-suite bathroom, Sam put on his boxers and a pair of sweatpants, then crawled into the king size bed. He smiled when he saw the photo on the bedside table next to him, Dean and Sam smiling at the camera.

After turning off the light, he tossed and turned until he found a relaxing position. He was almost asleep when he heard the door open slowly. Opening one of his eyes he looked towards the door, seeing an outline of somebody holding a stuffed animal.

“Dean…?” he whispered softly. Did something happen? Dean usually never crawled out of his crib by himself, only in the mornings, if he was Big and the smell of warm breakfast foods was too alluring.

Dean put a hand to his mouth and Sam could hear the soft plop of a pacifier being taken out. “Sammy? Can I sleep in here tonight?” Dean asked, sounding small.

“Sure buddy, come on in,” Sam replied immediately, holding open the covers.

After shutting the door, Dean waddled over, tucking his pacifier safely back in and crawling towards Sam when he got in the bed. Dean pushed himself against Sam, Mister Elephant thrown off to the side.

“Don’t you want your stuffy?” Sam asked.

Dean shook his head. “Nu-uh. Got you now,” he mumbled around the pacifier, then proceeded to drape himself all over Sam, who in turn wrapped his arms around his brother.

“Just for tonight, okay?” Sam said.

Dean nuzzled in tighter. “I know. I just missed you and I just wanted to…”

Sam cut him off. “I know sweetheart. I missed you too.”

“Can’t believe you’re really here,” Dean whispered in the darkness.

Sam kissed Dean on the top of his head, then wriggled until he was comfortable. Dean let out a small laugh and wriggled right along with him, and it wasn’t long until the two of them were fast asleep, tangled up and snoring, just like when they were kids.

Chapter Text

Sam was tired. He and Castiel were taking turns taking care of Dean, who had regressed just a day after Sam had arrived and had gotten a stomach bug. Dean had always been a bit of a baby when he was sick, but now that he was regressed? He’d never seen anything like it.

Little Dean was taking full advantage of the fact that he had two people catering his every whim, using his sniffles and sore tummy to get what he wanted. The only reason Sam tolerated any of it was because he knew Dean really was hurting and that the things Dean was asking for weren’t material things. Dean was extra clingy and didn’t want to be put down, not even for a second, so the fact that both he and Castiel were right there and able to take care of him couldn’t have been timed better.

Stifling a yawn, Sam grabbed a notepad and a pen. “What do we need Cas?” he asked as he sat down to prepare a shopping list.

Castiel was walking around the kitchen with a grumpy Dean in his arms, softly bouncing him up and down and humming a lullaby. Dean was not amused and after every sniffle or hiccup he would let out a soft whine. It would be funny if it wasn’t so heartbreakingly sad. Dean really did feel miserable and all they could do was let Dean’s body fight it off, helping with medication when possible, and that could take a couple of days.

“Milk, bread, butter. Sandwich toppings. Charlie and Jo are bringing by some dinner, so we can heat that up tonight. Some coughing syrup, bismuth tablets and Tylenol. I’m running low on cloth diapers because of that diarrhea… so pick up some adult diapers, too.  Just in case.”

Sam wrote everything down and grabbed the keys to the Impala. After giving Dean a kiss on his cheek, which went unnoticed by the sick boy, he gave Castiel a sad smile and went on his way. He hated Dean being sick.

~*~

“I know it hurts sweetheart…” Cas cooed as Dean let out a small whimper. They weren’t sure what caused Dean to get sick. Maybe it was something Dean ate or he was infected by someone else? Castiel hoped that it wouldn’t infect him or Sam. One sick person in this household was enough.

Dean had regressed during dinner yesterday evening, but he’d been quiet for most of the day already. He’d mentioned he was feeling a bit queasy, but that he didn’t know exactly where it was coming from.

Castiel had been keeping an extra eye on him since that morning, but there was little he could do to make Dean feel better faster. Dean had almost been crying when he had started to regress during dinner. He’d said how his stomach was hurting so bad, and how he didn’t want to regress. Sam had immediately gotten up and over to him, but Dean had turned away from him and made grabby hands towards Castiel, muttering ‘Daddy’ over and over again until Castiel had picked him up. Dean was great in letting Sam take care of him most of the time, but when he was feeling down or poorly, Daddy would still be number one choice.

 Sam had gone into the bathroom, getting medicine and a warm bath ready. Dean had fully regressed by that point and after about ten minutes of crying, Castiel had felt the diaper fill and Dean finally started to calm down. Castiel had taken the diaper off soon after, not wanting Dean to be uncomfortable. It had been filled heavily, explaining why Dean had had such cramps.

The bath had only let Dean relax for a few minutes. When Castiel saw Dean scrunching his face again he’d quickly gotten the boy out, Sam helping him in to a new diaper and getting him in his pajamas.

 Now though, Castiel was still walking around the kitchen in the middle of the day, even though Dean was supposed to be having his afternoon nap. Every time he had tried to put him down, Dean would scream bloody murder. Castiel was the one who had Dean the most, Dean only accepting Sam when Castiel really needed some time for himself. Not that Castiel minded, but it showed how Little Dean was absolutely terrified even though he was at home, safe.

They were running low on a few items, so Sam offered to go into town for a bit. Castiel wouldn’t be surprised if Sam had grabbed the opportunity because he just needed to get away from the stress. He didn’t feel the same way, but he understood Sam’s motives. Castiel had handled a sick Little Dean before, Sam hadn’t.

Dean started crying again, silently. Castiel could feel the boy’s soft sobs vibrating against his chest and he held Dean a bit closer, guiding the boy’s head to the crook of his neck. “You’re okay… just a tummy ache, sweetheart.”

Dean grumbled and let out an unhappy whine, squirming. It was like he was trying to break free of Castiel’s hold, but if Castiel would encourage that, Dean would grab on tightly and not want to let go. There wasn’t a way to win this, so Castiel had stopped fighting it long ago.

Castiel slowly walked over to the living room, more for his own change of scenery than Dean’s. Tig was laying on the sofa, not even looking up when they entered. The dog wasn’t allowed on the sofa, but Castiel was too tired to correct him, and it wasn’t as if Tig was chewing on the upholstery or anything. It seemed sleeping was Tig’s main thing, and Castiel wondered why the dog hadn’t been adopted earlier. He was a very mellow, easy going dog.

The older man sat down next to his four legged friend, arranging Dean in his lap, hoping the new position wouldn’t flare up another tummy ache. It didn’t, though Dean still grumbled and let Castiel know he wasn’t happy with the move. There were no ominous sounds coming from Dean’s belly, so that was a good sign. Tig very lazily got up, turned, getting face to face with Castiel, before flopping down again, leaning against Dean’s legs who were dangling off Castiel’s lap.

Dean moved his head a bit so he could look at Tig and let out a soft giggle. It was the sweetest sound Castiel had heard in quite a while. Tig closed his eyes again and wiggled until he was comfortable, and Dean mimicked his actions. The boy was asleep not five minutes after, exhausted from trying to deal with being sick.

Castiel carefully lowered Dean down, looking at his boy. He stroked Dean’s cheek, the boy whimpering in response. He’d had a small fever that first night, but it had gone now. He was still a bit warm and sweaty, but that wasn’t unusual when your body was fighting off whatever it was that made him so poorly. Dean’s eyelids fluttered and opened a bit, showing glazed green eyes staring somewhere at the ceiling. It hadn’t really been Castiel’s intention to wake him up, but he knew Dean didn’t sleep that soundly. The smallest touch or sound would wake him, and it was exhausting trying to be as silent as possible the entire time. Castiel figured Dean would sleep deeply as soon as his body allowed him to.

Dean’s eyes were unfocused, the eyelids red and swollen from the continuous small stream of tears that came with the distress of being sick. Castiel took out a tissue and dabbed at Dean’s eyes, one of Dean’s hands limply coming up, trying to swat away the tissue. Dean didn’t tolerate anything at the moment.

“Almost done, honey,” Castiel said softly. Dean huffed and turned his head into Castiel’s chest, closing his eyes. Castiel let out a small laugh. Even though he was feeling bad for his boy, the grumpy behavior was still very Dean and he loved it.

Standing up to go to the nursery, another diaper change on the menu, Tig stretched himself across the sofa where Castiel had left an empty space. “Enjoy it while you can, Tig,” Castiel said. “Sam will be back soon.”

After laying Dean down, Castiel swiftly helped Dean out of his soiled diaper, cleaned him up and put on a new one. He also put Dean in some clean and sweat-free pajamas and rolled some deodorant under Dean’s armpits. He and Sam would give Dean another bath tonight.

Mister Elephant was tucked safely in Dean’s arms and Castiel sat in the rocking chair, Dean straddling his lap and laying against him. Castiel watched out over the front yard and the driveway. Jo and Charlie would come by quickly so he took these precious minutes to just relax for a bit.

~*~

Sam was standing in the aisle which housed sanitary pads, tampons and assorted hygiene products. He looked around for what he needed, but didn’t see the brand Castiel used before he had switched to cloth ones. Castiel answered the phone after just one ring.

“Hey Cas, uh, I’m in the aisle with the sanitary products and such and which one’s um…”

He heard Cas sigh.

“I usually order Dean’s diapers online because he needs one that can hold more than just urine… see if you can find sanitary pants for people with incontinence. They should do for now. Size M or L if they have it.”

“Will those be good enough?”

 “They will have to be, just until the order I placed this morning comes in or the cloth diapers are dry. The load I did just got out of the washer.”

“Okay, I’ll grab some of both. I’ll be home soon.” Sam put the phone in his pocket and put two packets in his cart. He’d already gotten everything else that was on the list, so he went to the register to pay.

Placing all his items on the belt, he grabbed his phone again to see if Jessica had texted him back yet. She was at work now, but sometimes she could text during a short break. Sam let out a small sigh as he saw Jessica hadn’t texted yet. He didn’t want to appear to clingy, so he didn’t text her again. When he heard someone snort, he looked up.

He saw a man standing before him, looking at the items on the conveyor belt. There were the normal groceries, but also the diapers and baby biscuits. The man looked at the diapers with disgust.

“Shopping for your granny?” The man asked with a sneer.

Sam was startled at the man’s behavior. Did it matter for who he was buying? What on earth was the man thinking? “Excuse me? I don’t really think it’s any of your business what I’m buying.”

“Suit yourself. These freaks are everywhere…” the man mumbled as he turned around.

Sam could feel anger bubbling up, boiling inside him, but he knew he should keep his mouth shut. He was the better person here and he wouldn’t let himself be lured into an argument, or even worse, a fight. He couldn’t care less about what people thought about him. Dean needed diapers? Dean would get diapers.

His phone rang and when Sam saw it was Castiel, he immediately answered. “Cas, everything okay? Is Dean okay?” he asked. When he said Dean’s name, the stranger turned around, glaring at him. Sam narrowed his eyes and glared right back, then motioned his finger in a twirling motion, indicating that the stranger should turn around. He wasn’t scared of the dick.

“We had a small incident. Dean just got sick all over the changing mat. It’s covered in vomit. Could you go by Bobby’s and pick up the one we have in Dean’s Little room over there? That way I won’t have to switch between up- and downstairs the entire time. Bobby’s also got some shirts of him there, could you bring those too?”

“Sure thing. Does Bobby know I’m coming?”

“Yes, I just called him.”

“Great, I’ll pick them up.”

“Thanks, Sam.”

“Bye Cas.”

When Sam hung up, the stranger was still glaring at him as he put his groceries back in his cart.

Sam had enough. “What is your problem, buddy?” he all but snarled.

“No problem. No problem at all.” The man replied, a smirk on his face.

Sam shook his head and watched as the stranger left, an unsettling feeling growing in his stomach. After paying for the groceries and walking out in to the parking lot, he saw the man again. Sam tried to ignore him as he walked past, but what the man said made him snap instantly.

“Tell Dean that Gordon said hello...”

Sam rounded on the man and grabbed him by his jacket, shoving him against the nearest car. He towered over Gordon, but the man didn’t back down.

“Feisty one, aren’t you?”

“You! What the hell is your problem!? What did Dean ever do to you?” Sam growled as he tightened his grip.

Gordon seemed unfazed and raised his eyebrows. “It was nothing he did, personally. It’s his type. Attention seekers, the lot of them.”

“Seems to me you’re the one who wants attention. Leave us alone. Next time I won’t be so nice.” Sam let go of Gordon, trying desperately not to hit him in the face. The man didn’t budge, never even moved a muscle.

“I don’t know what  your problem is, but this has got to stop. You need to keep away from all of us. There’s something seriously wrong with you. Your obsession with Dean is unhealthy,” Sam spat out, trying to keep it as civil as he could.

Gordon smirked and straightened his jacket. “Whatever you say. It’s not that big of a town though, so I can’t make any promises.”

The man turned and walked away, leaving Sam dumbfounded.

This Gordon person was a lunatic. Sam couldn’t think of a different word. What had Dean or Castiel ever done to him that he would act this way? Or was it because Dean was a Little?

After researching the condition, when Dean had first told him what he suffered from, it turned out it wasn’t an uncommon thing for someone to have. It was one of many coping mechanisms and the fact that Benny’s little sister used to be a Little, showed this wasn’t as rare as he originally thought. There would always be people who had problems with minorities or people different from them, but for the life of him, he couldn’t fathom why Gordon would want to put so much effort into hurting Dean or anyone close to him. Dean wouldn’t hurt anyone.

Sam went over to Bobby’s, still mad, frustrated and tightly strung from the encounter. Bobby immediately noticed Sam wasn’t acting like himself and took him to his office, prompting Sam to tell him what happened. The younger Winchester told him about what had happened at the store and tried to tell it as clearly as he could. Bobby had called Jody Mills straight after that. Even though there was nothing they could do, Bobby felt it was important to let her know and Sam agreed.

After getting the items needed from Dean’s room at the shop, Sam drove back, radio turned up as loud as it could, trying to drown out the thoughts with one of Dean’s classical rock tapes. The Impala’s engine roared beneath the hood as he pressed the pedal down, the view of the road and the wind coming in through the open windows clearing his mind of the haze.

When Sam pulled up to the house, he brought in the groceries and the items he had collected from Bobby’s, before going upstairs in search for Castiel and his brother.  

He found the pair in Castiel’s bed. Castiel was leaning against the head board, e-reader in one hand. The other hand was stroking Dean’s hair. The boy was draped over the older man, his head on Castiel’s stomach. Dean didn’t seem as flushed and sweaty as he did before and the whimpering had stopped.

The silence they got in return was worrying, though. Dean was still awake, his eyes focused on some point of the bed, not even looking up when Sam cleared his throat.

Castiel looked up and gave a soft smile. He put the e-reader on the night stand and stretched, then put both hands on Dean’s head and scratched the boy’s scalp. Dean closed his eyes and hummed in response, sucking on his pacifier and grabbing Castiel’s t-shirt with his fists.

Sam sat down on the end of the bed and stroked Dean’s arm.

“He calmed down after throwing up. I think we might finally be heading in the right direction,” Castiel said to Sam. “I’m thinking we’ll give him a bath, a bottle and then we can try and get him in to bed early.”

Dean heard the word bed and whined, shaking his head.

“You’ve got to go to sleep sometime buddy,” Sam cooed. “We can’t let you sleep with one of us every night.”

“Yes, you cwan…” Dean mumbled around the pacifier.

Castiel chuckled. “Yeah I forgot to tell you Sam, Big Dean is back. But he’s not very happy.”

“’Course I’m not hwebby… I’m siiiick,” Dean told them, a big fat tear falling from his face.

Sam sat further on the bed and pulled Dean’s feet on his lap. “Dean, your feet are cold as ice,” he said as he took off Dean’s socks. His warm hands massaged Dean’s feet. “We’d better get you in that bath as soon as possible, okay buddy?”

Dean nodded and burrowed in deeper towards Castiel. Sam rubbed Dean’s feet some more, then pulled Dean’s socks back on and went to start the bath.

~*~

To say Dean wasn't happy, was an understatement. He was miserable. He was hot one minute, cold the next, his poop was like water and he couldn’t even hold anything solid in. He’d been living off his bottles the entire day, which wasn’t that bad, but it could’ve been better. He’d come out of regression when he was already on the bed with Daddy, and was disgruntled when he realized he still didn’t feel any better than before he regressed.

Daddy said he was getting a bit better though, so he guessed that was okay. Of course, there wasn’t a lot to poop out when you can hardly eat without getting sick, so maybe Daddy was just making things up. 

Sam had been acting weird since he’d come back and Dean didn’t like it. Sam was fidgeting and kept forgetting stuff. Dean didn’t mention it, he was too tired to do so. All he wanted was Daddy anyways. He loved Sam, and he was very happy that he was here, but Daddy made everything feel better.

Dean was laying on Daddy’s bed and Daddy was taking Dean's clothes off. Daddy muttered something about the laundry basket being full again, so Sam went to put some in the machine. Dean looked around the room as Daddy got him out of his diaper as well and carried him to the bath.

Dean liked being bathed. Usually he’d play, either with the plastic boats or the rubber duck that Charlie had gotten him, but today he wasn’t feeling it. He didn’t really feel like anything. This stomach bug was a bitch, if he was using Big words, and it took all his energy away from him.

He let Daddy arrange him any way he wanted, letting Daddy lift his arm or bend him forward, washing him with the vanilla scented body wash that he loved so much. When Daddy washed his hair, Dean felt like he was in heaven, closing his eyes as soft fingers massaged every inch of his scalp. Daddy would usually rub a lot longer than necessary, just because Dean liked it so much. Today was no exception.

He didn’t realize he’d almost fallen asleep until he felt a large hand in the middle of his chest, preventing him from tipping over. Sam chuckled softly as Dean blinked and tried to remember where he was or what was happening.

“You can sleep soon, buddy. Daddy will give you your bottle and then you can go night-night, okay?” Sam asked as he pulled Dean out of the tub.

Sam, despite his long body and large, strong hands, was as gentle as always as he laid Dean down to dry him off and get him into a clean diaper and warm pajamas. A pacifier slid into Dean’s mouth and he closed his eyes, going limp and letting Sam do all the work. He startled when he felt the gentle giant picking him up, surprised when he felt he was fully dressed in his onesie, pajama's and Big Bird socks. Bath time had made him drowsy, it seemed. He hadn't felt a single thing of getting a diaper on or Sam helping him into his clothes.

After Sam set him on his hip, he let his head fall to Sam's shoulder and closed his eyes once again, trying to fight that bit of nausea that came creeping up when Sam walked them down the stairs.

He started to whine as soon as Sam sat down on the sofa.

“Wan’ Daddy…” he quietly cried out, squirming and trying to see over the back end of the sofa.

“Shhh… Shhh Dean, Daddy will give you your bottle. He’s just feeding Tig now and then he’ll be here, okay?”

Dean moaned and huffed, then let himself fall back in Sam’s arms, scowling at Sam. Sam smiled at him and Dean didn’t like that, so he hid his face in Sam’s chest, disgruntled even more when he felt Sam laugh.

The queasy feeling in his stomach was almost gone, which made Dean glad, but his bowels were still making weird noises and he felt so fuzzy, so detached from everything around him. All he wanted was his Daddy and really, did giving the dog his food have to take this much time?!

When he heard Daddy walk in, he immediately sat up, wincing when he felt a sharp stab in his abdomen. Ugh. He didn’t like being sick.

Daddy walked over to him and Dean didn’t restrict himself, instead bending forward and making grabby hands until Daddy was close enough to latch on to. This was what he needed. His Daddy, his hero. Well, that and Mister Elephant. Where on Earth was Mister Elephant?

Dean let go of the rubber nipple and looked his Daddy straight in the eye. “Mister Elephant?” he asked, sounding demanding.

“He’s in the wash, sweetheart. You puked all over him,” Daddy said.

Well, that just wouldn’t do. He needed Mister Elephant. And Mister Elephant needed him. It was a scientific fact. “Nuuhhhh, I need him! I love him!” Dean yammered, despite knowing they didn’t have a second one.

“I’m sorry sweetheart… no can do. I’ll give you the big one when I lay you down, okay? And when you wake up, he’ll be with you,” Daddy said.

Dean scowled and turned away from the bottle. Daddy tried to put it in his mouth a few more times, but Dean wasn’t having it. When he heard Daddy sigh, he turned back to look, just in time to see Daddy’s other arm coming to lift him up.

He tried to be mad, he tried to cry, but he was exhausted. He leaned into his Daddy and let him carry him upstairs without a fight. When he was in the crib, the large elephant Uncle Benny had given him, was put in his hands and Dean grumpily accepted the larger stuffed toy. After turning down the lights and pressing play on the baby monitor, Daddy carded his fingers through Dean’s scalp and the boy let sleep pull him in, wondering what tomorrow would bring.

~*~

When Castiel came downstairs, he found Sam heating up the lasagna that Jo and Charlie had brought. The entire kitchen smelled like an Italian restaurant and it was only then that Castiel realized he was starving.

Sam set the table and Castiel got out some wine, feeling he deserved it. Sam stuck to water, and while they were devouring their food, Sam told him what had happened at the store. Castiel was getting frustrated. Was this Gordon person ever going to leave them alone? What was wrong with him?

Castiel called Bobby after dinner, thanking him for already getting in touch with Jody, who in return had promised to keep an extra eye on Gordon. Apparently, Gordon had always been trouble, if what Jo said held any truth. Jo had told him that afternoon that Gordon was a rude person in general, but even more so when it came to people with either special needs or who required extra care. Why he was the way he was, she had no idea. Castiel hadn’t really wanted to talk about Gordon, thought that that was over and done with, but Charlie had asked about how things were and that’s why Jo had started talking about the man.

He was glad she had now, after he heard what Gordon had said to Sam. Castiel was unsurprised at Sam’s reaction to all of this, even he himself felt angry and he hadn’t even been there. Sam was right, Gordon had an unhealthy obsession when it came to Dean and if they weren’t careful that could snowball into something much bigger. Neither man wanted that, but it seemed unavoidable. Castiel was lucky that the group of friends they had was getting bigger and bigger and that every single person would help Dean and/ or him if it was needed.

Later that evening, as Sam had fallen asleep in the recliner, Castiel was assaulted by Tig, who put all 110 pounds on top of him and tried to lick his face. Castiel put his arms around the giant dog and petted the long fur, trying desperately not to think about all the dog hair getting on the couch. He let Tig ease his worries and focused all his attention on the furry animal on top of him, only pushing the dog off him when he heard Dean’s cries through the baby monitor.

Sam jerked awake with a ‘wha?’ and tried to stand up, wobbling when he got a headrush.

“Calm down, cowboy,” Castiel snickered, and held him by his shoulders. “Go to bed, Sam. You’re tired.”

Sam yawned, then shook his head to wake himself some more. He followed Castiel, but made a turn upstairs to go into his own bedroom, mumbling a ‘goodnight’ before the door shut with a soft click.

Castiel walked into the nursery, finding Dean on his back with his pacifier chucked to the floor. Dean was whining and squirming, only stopping when he noticed Castiel.

“Hello Mister Grumpypants, everything okay down here?” Castiel asked calmly, reaching out to stroke Dean’s cheek. Dean leaned in to it and nodded. “’s now daddy…” Castiel smiled and picked Dean up, walking over to the big soft rocking chair. Dean in his arms, he pushed with his feet, letting the chair rock back and forth. Dean gave a happy sound and relaxed against him. Castiel put his arms around his boys and hummed a lullaby until Dean's breathing evened out. 

Sam found them there that morning and covered them in a blanket, silently walking out of the nursery to prepare breakfast, a smile on his face as he walked to the kitchen.

Chapter Text

Castiel woke slowly. He could feel someone grabbing his shirt, scrunching and twisting the fabric, letting go, then grabbing it again. One shoulder was warm, soft puffs of air tickling his skin. He couldn’t feel his left arm, and when he opened his eyes, he saw it was because his son was straddling him, wrapped around him like an octopus. Looking at Dean’s face, he saw the boy’s eyes were still closed, though he was obviously awake as he was humming a song quietly.

The older man yawned, then shifted so he could get blood flow back to his arm and try to get the crick out of his neck. Dean moved with him as he always did, knowing which move his Daddy would make before he did himself. Someone, so that must have been Sam, had draped a blanket over them. They were nice and warm and this meant Castiel was in no hurry to move from his spot. However, he did need to go to the bathroom quite urgently and if the feel of Dean’s diaper was any indication, his boy needed a change, fast.

Smells of bacon and egg wafted upstairs and seemed to prompt Dean in to action, causing Castiel to follow. Dean grumbled when Castiel put him down in the crib so he could use the bathroom first, before getting Dean in a clean diaper.

“Dean, I’ll be right back. I know you’re not feeling all that better yet, but having an appetite is a good sign. However, I need to use the bathroom first and you need a change.”

Dean scowled and threw Mister Elephant, who had been returned to him washed and dried, across the crib. “Wan’ breakfast…” he whined.

“Either you wait and let me change you, or you do it yourself and then go downstairs.” Castiel stated, giving the boy a choice. He already knew how Dean would react, but wanted his son to think he was still independent when it came to certain things. It made Dean feel good and it didn’t do any harm, and Dean had long ago realized that he didn’t need to be Big if he didn’t want to.

Dean flopped onto his belly and grabbed his blankie, pulling it towards him before mumbling that he wanted Daddy to do the diaper change. Castiel patted his diapered bum then went into the bathroom, feeling as if his bladder might burst if he didn’t.

After washing his hands, he found a big lump of blankets in the crib, but no Dean. However, there were two socked feet sticking out on one end and a tuft of sandy blonde hair on the other.

“Dean?”

There was no reply.

“Well, guess I’ll have to eat that lovely breakfast all by myself,” Castiel said calmly as he turned around to walk out the room.

“Nooooo!” Came a muffled yelp from under the pile.

Castiel grinned and turned around only to find his son trying to escape the blankets, grinning when he succeeded. He sat on his butt, his pacifier was in place and his arms were stretched out towards Castiel, waving frantically and making grabby hands until he came closer.

“Is this the breakfast monster?” Castiel asked, trying to sound scared. He put a hand to his chest then widened his eyes, slowly backing away.

Dean threw his head back and laughed, making sure the pacifier didn’t fall out by clenching his teeth. When Castiel gave another fake gasp, Dean couldn’t hold it anymore and shook with laughter, so hard that he fell back, nearly hitting the back bars of the crib. Castiel’s heart almost gave out when he saw that, but Dean was none the wiser and was trying to catch his breath as he squirmed on the mattress, waving his blankie in the air. Castiel quickly went over and took the boy in his arms, getting him ready for the day.

~*~

The next few days were peaceful. Dean was getting his strength back and it showed; the boy tolerated more, his eating habits went back to normal and he started chattering away until it became almost too much. On one such occasions, Castiel had had enough and had practically ordered Dean to shut his mouth and only open it to finish his meal. Dean scowled in return and gave Castiel pay back; he didn’t talk the entire day.

At first Castiel had enjoyed the blessed silence. He loved his boy, he truly did, but these last few days Dean started talking and just wouldn’t stop, letting his food grow cold (which wasn’t like Dean at all) or just rudely interrupt Sam when he was talking. Castiel had a feeling Dean was acting this way to avoid talking about more serious things, because the attitude began after he heard what had happened between Sam and Gordon.

Sam was on a date with Jessica the same day that Dean was giving Castiel the silent treatment and Castiel was climbing the walls. Silence was good; he used to thrive in it before he met Dean, used to revel in it, but now it was just plain uncomfortable and he couldn’t stand it. He never realized how isolated he had been before Dean came along.

He’d tried a serious approach first, trying to talk some sense into Dean, but the boy had shrugged and gone back to play with Tig. Castiel was going for another approach before having to punish his son for his behavior, because he knew Dean had a deeper reason for acting the way he did. He was just about to act on it when the phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hi Castiel, this is Jody Mills. I’m calling you regarding Gordon Walker. We just got a call from a Charlie Bradbury, saying he came into the shop and threatened her." 

“You’re kidding. Is Charlie okay?” Castiel said as he put a hand through his hair.

At this, Dean looked up at Castiel, mouthing a ‘what happened?’. Castiel shook his head and turned his back towards Dean.

“I wish I wasn’t kidding. She’s quite shaken up. He threw some stands over, but otherwise the damage is minimal. She said her girlfriend was with her now. I will be going over there now, but I thought I would let you know. Mr. Walker asked about Dean again. I’m going to come by your house later, would that be okay?”

“Yes, yes of course. Anything you need. I’ll be here.”

“Great. Thank you, Castiel.”

“No, thank you Jody. I’ll see you tonight.”

After hanging up, Castiel walked to the kitchen, Dean trotting behind him. His boy was having trouble walking; obviously fighting a part of his Little side, although he wasn't regressing. He wasn't lifting his feet and almost stumbled when Castiel had turned around so he could talk to his son. Castiel put his hands on Dean's shoulders to steady the boy but didn't mention Dean's physical state just yet.

“Dean, please.”

Dean took a step back, causing Castiel to let go of him. His son raised his eyebrows. “What happened?”

“Gordon Walker came into Charlie’s shop. She’s okay though,” Castiel added when he saw the shock on Dean’s face. “Jody Mills is coming by tonight to see what further action we can take.”

Dean turned around and walked out. “Dean what are you doing?”

“I’m going to call Charlie!!!” he yelled out. Castiel let out a huff of frustration and followed his son.

“Dean, she’s too tied up right now with the shop and the police. Jo is with her; she’ll be fine. We can go see her tomorrow.”

Dean didn’t respond but already had his phone in hand. Castiel quickly went over and took the phone from Dean’s hands, who tried to grab it back. “Dean, stop.”

“No! Give me the phone!”

Castiel put the phone in his pocket and then took hold of both of Dean’s wrists, immobilizing him. “Stop it. You are not calling Charlie right now. You are going to calm down, and we are going to see her tomorrow. I’ll text her to let her know. For now, we’re going to talk about you.”

Dean tried to fight Castiel’s hold, but had no luck. “Let me go!”

“I will let you go if you promise me to sit down, so we can talk.”

Dean snapped, as Castiel expected. “What is there to talk about?! This is my fault anyway! What, you want to rub it in?”

“Dean, calm down!” Castiel replied. Dean was still trying to break free, so Castiel tried a different tactic. He let go of Dean’s wrists, but took the boy by his shoulders and pulled him in. He caged Dean in by an arm to his shoulders and an arm around his waist, effectively giving the boy a very forceful hug. Dean fought it, trying to push away from Castiel, but he held on tight and it was a matter of seconds before Dean relented and stopped fighting.

Dean was eerily quiet; his breathing was steady but he wasn’t crying. Castiel wasn’t convinced Dean had truly calmed down; there was a possibility that Dean would try to leave as soon as he let him go, but it was a risk he would have to take. “If I let you go now, will you stay here and sit with me?”

Dean didn’t even answer the question. “Why won’t you let me talk to Charlie?!”

“Because Charlie is a big girl who can take care of herself. She’s fine; Jo is with her, the police are probably there already. I will let her know we want to come by tomorrow, but for now I need you to calm down so I can let you go. Can you do that for me, Dean?”

It was silent. Dean didn’t answer Castiel’s question, so Castiel didn’t let go. “Do you want me to call Ellen?”

Dean shook his head. “I want Sam.” He stated flatly.

That was not going to happen. And not only because Sam wasn’t even there, because he was away with Jessica, but because Dean was scared, and Castiel could guess what for, but he needed for Dean to say it.

“You don’t want Sam. You just want out of this conversation. And I get that, I do. But we need to talk about this, because ever since you heard what happened between Sam and Gordon, you’ve been on edge. Either talking too much about things that don’t matter, or not talking at all. Right now, I want you to talk and I want you to tell me.”

“Let me go and I’ll tell you,” Dean replied. He said it without emotion, and it was hard for Castiel to hear if the boy was planning on staying put or not. Giving Dean the benefit of the doubt, he slowly released his hold. Dean backed away immediately and Castiel hated the way that made him feel.

Sitting back, he watched his son, who seemed to be struggling with what to say. “I… I feel like. I… I hate how you guys don’t tell me much. Like, why you don’t tell everything that happened. I know what happened between Sam and Gordon, but not exactly. I don’t even know what Gordon looks like so whenever we go into town I feel as if it could be any stranger and that scares the shit out of me...

“And, you know, like right now, I’m a big boy and I’m not even allowed to call my friend! Why, ‘cause you think I’ll blame myself? Well, newsflash, I already do!” Dean exclaimed, getting ready to throw a fit.

Castiel stomped that down as quickly as he could. “Now you listen to me, Dean Novak. Whatever we do, say or not say, it is always in your best interest. I look out for you. We look out for you. Everything that happens, happens for a reason. You and I came to an understanding that I am the one who makes the rules and sets the boundaries; you are expected to follow.  And sure, sometimes you can throw a tantrum or challenge me, just so I can let you know how far you can go and to let you know you will always be safe here, no matter how hard you try to push away. But right now, it's time for you let this anger go.”

Dean lowered his eyes but said nothing, prompting Castiel to carry on.

“Furthermore, if you wanted to know what Gordon looked like, you could’ve just asked. You never did and I didn’t know you were concerned. Your mouth works just fine when you’re in your adult headspace, so you blaming me or Sam for that is out of line. When it comes to calling Charlie; we won’t. We will go see her tomorrow. Charlie does not blame us, no matter what you think. Gordon’s behavior is Gordon’s doing, not yours. Now, I can repeat this over and over until I’m blue in the face, but I’m not going to. Right now, I’m calling on those rules and boundaries and we are going to have a very Little evening, because you’ve been acting Big way too much already. I can see it in everything, Dean. The way your hands tremble, the way you struggle with your talking. Walking to the kitchen took you enormous effort. Even though you’re not regressing, you are fighting your Little side, and do you really want to go back to what happened last time you fought it?”

Dean blinked away a tear and leaned back against the couch. “No Daddy…” he mumbled.

“Good.”

~*~

Daddy walked over to him and picked him up, setting him on a hip. Dean felt embarrassed and hid his face in the crook of Daddy’s neck. A completely Little evening actually sounded relaxing and he was glad Daddy made that decision for him. Dean was tired of worrying and making sure he used the right adult words. He was scared; scared of Gordon, scared of that man hurting his Daddy or his family.

After being laid down on the changing mat, he was presented with a pacifier. Dean accepted anything that was given to him and let Daddy change him into some pajamas for the evening. Daddy told him what he expected of Dean and the sound of everything made him feel relaxed.

“You will not walk anymore tonight. It takes you too much effort. You will either crawl or let me carry you. You will only use your small words tonight. I am going to take you downstairs, give you a bottle and read you a book. Then we are going to watch some television. You can stay with me when Jody comes by, but you will let me handle the conversation. Do you understand, sweetheart?”

Dean nodded, trying not to look as enthusiastic as he actually felt. He wanted this so bad, to be Little right now, but he still had some pride and was throwing a tantrum not ten minutes ago. So, he acted as if he didn't care that much about what was happening, but he was glowing on the inside.

“If at any point you feel like you’re going to regress, you tell me immediately. Are we clear, Dean?”

Dean nodded again. He could do that. Daddy finished buttoning up his Dora pajamas (which are not just for girls!) then carried him downstairs to the kitchen, preparing a bottle.

When Castiel sat down on the couch to give Dean his bottle, was when the tears came. Dean didn’t cry heavily, just a few sniffles, but they were expected. It had been a bit too emotional for Dean and he was just now processing everything that happened. All Daddy did was wipe them away with his thumb and let him knew it was okay and that Dean was safe.

“Daddy’s here… you’re okay big man. Nothing to be worried about.”

Damn, how was it Daddy always knew what to say? Dean was feeling fuzzy, feeling utterly content and warm in Daddy’s arms. It felt extremely safe, so safe that he didn’t know what to do with the feeling. It made him uneasy, because on the one hand he wanted to bask in it, but on the other he’d never expected to feel anything like this. Fight or flight was kicking in, but Daddy stopped it before the choice was made. He was regressing and even though he wasn't exactly fighting it, he still felt frustrated with how difficult the world became for him. In the first five to ten minutes of regressing he would have an inner battle, so to speak, in which he knew he was supposed to know certain things, adult words, mannerisms, but he just didn't understand. Those minutes were the worst and that was what made it a struggle every time. That feeling of helplessness, of knowing you're usually all that, but now just reduced to baby talk and legs that didn't work. His Big and Little brain were fighting and he was trapped there until one of the two won, either going into a regression or coming out of one.

“No fighting this, sweetheart. Let it go, you’re safe here.”

Dean whimpered, the finished bottle now pulled out of his mouth. “Daddy…” he cried out softly.

Daddy pulled him in close and rocked him, one hand on the nape of Dean’s neck, keeping him safe and shielded from the outside world. His mind was turning foggy. Things were beginning to feel so difficult! He wasn't dumb. He wasn't stupid. But he felt like it.  

“Daddy I don’t under… understand, I don’t-“

“Let it go, Daddy’s got you, honeybee,” Daddy whispered.

“’s all so diff… difficu… I… Daddy!” he mumbled, hiccuping, his mind trying to make sense of what was happening and regressing at the same time. It was way too much. 

“I’ll take care of you, you know I will.”

“Daddy, I don’t… get it, I... I don’…”

“Come on honey, let it go. No need to stay Big. I’m right here. Come on…” Daddy cooed.

“Da-ddy… da, daddy da, da da…”

“There you go sweetheart…”

 “Da, dada… bah bah…”

“There we are… Hi Little Dean… Hi sweetheart…” Daddy said.

~*~

Dean felt weird. But Daddy had him so it was okay! Had he been crying? His face was wet. Ew! He rubbed his face on Daddy’s shirt. Ha! Now Dean was clean.

He still wasn’t happy though. But Daddy was holding him and then there was a dog! Next to them!

“Da…da!!” he babbled.

“Look sweetheart, Tig came to make sure you were okay!” Daddy said.

Daddy is so sweet. The dog too. “Ig! Ig dada!”

“That’s right honey, that’s Tig.”

Dean tried to pet Tig but his arm didn’t really work that well. Daddy helped him! He took Dean’s arm and it went over Tig’s belly. It was really soft and fluffy! Dean felt happy when he saw the dog.

There was a ringing sound. Daddy stood up and took Dean with him. He went high! As high as Daddy!

There was a woman at the door and she had short hair. Dean made grabby hands. He wanted to touch the lady’s hair! But Daddy stopped him. Dean didn’t like that.

Daddy talked to the lady. And then there was another lady coming out of the car. She was younger and she had blonde hair. She looked really bored. She didn’t even look at Dean. Dean hid in Daddy’s neck.

When they went inside, the lady with the blonde hair sat in the big chair. She had a thing in her hands that she kept touching, and there was a rope thingy going to both of her ears. Dean could hear music from really far away!

Daddy needed to let him go! Dean squirmed and squirmed until Daddy got the message. “Dada!!” He yelled out as thanks.

Crawling was difficult and it took some time, but when he was at the blond lady’s feet he put his hands on her knees and tried to push up. It didn’t work! And the lady looked at him.

“What?” she asked.

Dean looked at the ropes going into her ears and swatted at one of them. It looked like the lady was trying not to smile! Ha, Dean knew how to work the ladies!

She took the rope thingy out and it went to Dean’s ear. The sound was really loud and he didn’t like that! He almost started to cry but then it was softer. Dean didn’t really like the music. He made a grumpy face.

And now she laughed! That was so cool. He wanted to see the thing she kept touching.

He heard Daddy say something and then before he knew it, two big hands picked him up and sat him next to the lady! And he could see the screen!

Dean looked at Daddy with a smile on his face. “Buh buh, ig ig!!!” Daddy just smiled back and went back to sit with the older lady. Huh. Maybe Daddy didn't want to hear the sounds from the rope thingies?

“That is a video, Dean. Look, it’s Sesame Street. You know, with the Big Bird and all...” the lady said. She sounded bored. Who would be bored when they could watch Sesame Street ALL THE TIME on their own little TV? Dean didn't understand. He bounced up and down and wished he could have a little TV to take with him wherever he went.

Dean looked at the tiny thing in the lady’s hand and smiled again. It was! There was Big Bird! And Elmo! And he could hear the music, too!

“Esame ee!!”

~*~

When Castiel opened the door, Dean regressed just minutes before, Jody was standing on his front porch with a stack of folders in her hands. Dean tried to grab Jody’s hair but Castiel held the boy back, pleased Little Dean was in a good mood despite the way the regression happened.

“Hi Castiel, thank you for letting me come over right away.”

“No problem, Jody. Who’s that in your car?” Castiel asked as he saw a teenager with a moody face scrolling through her telephone.

“She’s mine. That’s Claire. She’s been sneaking out at night so I forced her to come with me. The princess was not pleased with that." Jody rolled her eyes.

“She could come in, wouldn’t be a problem.” Castiel said. He didn’t want the poor girl staying out in the truck.

Jody smirked. “You sure? She can be a handful.”

“No problem.”

Jody shrugged and waved Claire over. The girl walked over, not even looking up when she went past them. Castiel raised his eyebrows but knew teenagers could be like that. “Does she know about Dean being a Little?”

“She does. Although she probably would’ve known anyway because he’s in your arms.” Jody gave Castiel’s shoulder a squeeze and went inside, Castiel following her to his living room.

When they sat down, they discussed what happened, Claire not listening because of the music she was listening to, Dean not understanding due to being regressed. Dean started to squirm and apparently decided to go meet Claire, if his wobbly crawling was any indication. Dean was babbling and tried to pull himself up.

Castiel followed the interaction with interest, pleased to see Claire wasn’t as stoic as she wanted to appear. A soft smile graced her face when she saw Dean up close and she presented him with some music. When Dean started at the loud volume, she quickly lowered it.

He saw his boy was intrigued. “Come on baby boy, let’s get you closer, huh?” he said, then quickly went over to put Dean in the seat next to Claire. “Would it be alright if he sat with you?” he whispered.

“I guess,” was her disinterested reply, but he could see she didn’t mind one bit.

~*~

Claire was bored. Mom and Castiel were still talking and she was stuck here with Sleepy McSleeperson. Sure, he’d been cute when he was awake, but right now he was leaning against her and had fallen asleep. She sighed and made room for Dean and took back her other earphone.

She was in the middle of a FailArmy video when she felt her arm getting warm and wet. Looking over she saw Dean was drooling all over her sleeve. “Eww!!” she exclaimed, causing Jody and Castiel to look in her direction, and causing Dean to wake up.

“He’s drooling on me!” she huffed as she pushed Dean away. Dean didn’t understand what was going on and made a confused face, making Claire feel guilty when she saw he was about to cry.

“Claire, be nice!” scolded Jody.

“What? It’s not like I meant for him to cry!”

Dean’s lower lip began to wobble and Castiel was already there, picking Dean up. Claire crossed her arms and sat back, done with the entire evening.

“You act your age, young lady. You know about Dean’s mindset.”

“But mooom -”

“’But mom’ nothing! Say you’re sorry.”

Claire stood up and walked over to Castiel, who was softly bouncing Dean in his arms by the window. She tapped on Dean’s shoulder, the boy sniffling when he went to face her.

“’m Sorry, okay?”

Dean looked at her and laid his head on Castiel’s shoulder. Claire put her hands in her pocket and when she felt something, she took it out. Maybe this would be a good peace offering.

“Want this?” she asked.

Dean’s eyes widened as he saw the small fluffy elephant key-chain (that she nicked from the store earlier that day, but no one needed to know that, right?) and he tried to grab it. She put the keychain in Dean’s hand and wasn’t surprised when Dean tried to put it in his mouth.

Castiel was quick and took it before Dean realized. Replacing the item with a pacifier, he told Dean he would keep the keychain safe. Dean seemed pleased, Claire realized, and shrugged as she turned around to face her mom.

“See? He’s fine. Can we go now?”

Her mom rolled her eyes but that wasn’t anything new, so Claire set off towards the front door, taking a step back when a huge man entered. She looked up at the giant, then took another step back. “You’re... tall,” she whispered.

The man’s expression was confused, and all he uttered was a “…thanks?”

“Yeah yeah, take it as you will.” She muttered.

“I’m Sam, Dean’s brother. And you are…?”

“Claire, Jody’s daughter. She doesn’t trust me so I had to tag along tonight. Such fun. Your brother drools, by the way.”

Sam chuckled. “Yeah, he tends to do that nowadays… I wouldn’t worry about it if I was you.”

At that, Sam walked towards the living room, taking Dean in his arms and bouncing him around until Castiel told Sam to “cut it out before he vomits. Again.”

Claire could grow to like these people.

Castiel saw them to the door and asked Claire if she knew Little Dean’s favorite animal was an elephant.

“No, but I do now. I guess I’ll see you around.” She wasn’t surprised that Castiel seemed to like her. She had that effect on people. Big mouth, small heart and all that.

“I guess you will. Bye Claire, Jody.”

~*~

Sam held Dean close as Castiel saw Claire and Jody to the door. He was anxious to know the reason of Jody’s house call. Walking around a bit in the living room he heard Dean babble but couldn’t make sense of the words. It didn’t surprise him that Dean had ‘chosen’ tonight to regress, his behavior these last few days had been off and a sure sign that Dean was struggling to cope.

“Let’s sit down, huh. Let me tell you all about my date with Jess. I like her. You should like her, too. Would you like to meet her one day?” he asked Dean.

“Baa…. Ab, dada, bluh...” Dean replied, waving his pacifier in the air with shaky arms.

“Exactly what I was thinking.” Sam deadpanned.

Castiel walked in with two cups of coffee and a bottle for Dean. It was Dean’s bedtime soon and Sam didn’t want to miss it despite his date.

He’d had a nice afternoon though; the date had been fun even though he had been very anxious beforehand. They’d gone to the new Asian restaurant in town and had a lovely meal, then walked through the park, enjoying the change of the season. A peck on the cheek ended the evening and Sam was content.

Dean wiggled as he tried to get comfortable, then Sam gave Dean his bottle. The boy was drinking lazily as Castiel told him why Jody had come by.

Sam didn’t realize he had tightened his hold on Dean so much until the boy had started to whine. He’d been so angry at this whole situation that he’d unconsciously gripped Dean tighter to him, and the boy wasn’t having it. Of course he wasn’t, Sam was strong and sometimes didn’t know his own strength.

“Oh God, Dean, I’m so sorry buddy. I’m sorry,” he apologized.

Dean didn’t respond but resumed drinking as Sam made Dean more comfortable.

Sam was going to stop this Gordon person from doing any more harm. He didn’t know how, or when, but it would be soon because he only had another week left before he had to go back to school.

When Castiel told him Dean’s explanation at why he acted the way he did, he understood his brother. He agreed with Castiel though, knowing the older man should set the boundaries and rules and not let Dean float freely in his own mind, because all that did was make Dean even more self-conscious and unhappy.

Looking at his brother now though, eyes half open as the warm milk put him to sleep, he knew he had to take it one day at a time in order to not screw it up.

Chapter Text

 “Hi Charlie,” Castiel said as he walked in with Little Dean asleep on his hip, Mister Elephant safely in Dean’s grasp. “How’re you doing?”

The redhead looked up from the magazine she was reading and Castiel could see the bags under her eyes. Her usually chipper demeanor had faltered, he could tell. “Oh, hi Cas. Yeah, we’re… we’re getting there,” she explained as she halfheartedly waved around. “Jo’s helping me get the last shelves fixed and then we can start restacking.”

Castiel hated seeing her so down and walked over, careful not to jostle his sleeping son, who was cuddled up nice and tight, drooling on his shoulder. “Come here, sweetheart,” he told Charlie. “I’ve never seen you look so sad.”

Charlie gave a few sniffles as she hugged Castiel as best she could without waking Dean. When she let go, she softly stroked the back of her fingers on the boy’s cheek, smiling as she did so. “He’s out like a light…” she whispered.

“Yeah, it’s been a hectic morning,” Castiel replied. “We kind of lost Mister Elephant for a bit, but he’s back now. He’d fallen in between the mattress and the side of the crib. I wish I’d have found him before Dean started screaming our ears off.”

Charlie gave a small chuckle and walked back to the register. Castiel followed. “How are you really, Charlie?”

“I’ll be okay, Cas. Really. Jo has been great help. I just kinda wished I was 50 pounds heavier, you know? He’s a strong man.”

Castiel’s eyes widened. “Did that asshole touch you? Did he try to hurt you, Charlie?!”

Charlie quickly set him at ease. “No, no! That’s not what I meant. I’ve just… never been so scared before, you know? He can be very… intimidating. He’s basically a stalker now, with how much he was talking about Dean. He knew we were friends. How could he know that, Cas?”

Castiel had no answer for her. He honestly didn’t. He had no words to describe Gordon. The man obviously had screws loose in the upstairs department and had a sick obsession with Dean. Jody had told him that they couldn’t really do anything, not regarding Dean, not just yet. Nothing besides a restraining order but that wouldn't absolutely guarantee that Gordon couldn't come close. They could bring Gordon in for vandalizing Charlie’s shop, but he’d just be let out again just as soon and it would only agitate the man further. They had to find a way to get him locked up for longer, but Castiel didn’t know how. Jody was doing the best she could by having someone keep an eye out on Gordon, but he understood the local PD wasn’t that well-staffed and that this issue wasn’t the only one she was handling at the moment.

Castiel stayed with Charlie for another half hour, talking to her and Jo when she walked in. Dean had woken and Jo had played with him for a bit until it was time to head home for lunch. Dean gave both the girls sloppy wet kisses on their cheeks and giggled when they gave him a tickle attack. The mood was a lot lighter and for that, Castiel was glad.

~*~

“Cas!”

“Yes, Sam?”

“I’m leaving now to go see Jess, is there anything I can bring for you from town?”

Castiel looked up from where he was folding the laundry and gave a soft smile. “No thank you, we’ll be fine. Have fun on your date, Sam.”

Sam walked over to Castiel, gave him a quick hug and headed out the door to the Impala, excited for another date with Jess. They’d had three dates so far, and each one was better than the last. He was going to tell her about Dean tonight and he could only hope she would understand.

She was amazing; soft, sweet, kind hearted, wicked sense of humor. She teased him with his height, he teased her for being blonde. She knew he had a fear of clowns, he knew she was terrified of koala’s. Everything was going great.

When he arrived at her apartment, he texted her and waited for her downstairs. They had a reservation for the local Italian place which was in walking distance from her home.

“Sam!” she exclaimed when she came out.

“Jess!” he called back. They both grinned as they stood still, just watching each other. Jess was the first one to act, taking a step forward and giving him a kiss on his lips. Sam gave a goofy smile and intertwined his fingers with her when she gave him her hand.

~*~

That was the best spaghetti carbonara he’d ever eaten. Jess seemed to agree, sitting back with a hand resting on her stomach. Her plate was empty besides a couple of leftover meatballs. “God, I love food.” She said.

Sam grinned. “I love that you love food.”

“You should,” she chuckled. “God knows you’d eat three plates full of that if they gave it to you.”

“True.” Sam agreed.

He still hadn’t told her about Dean yet. She knew he was in town visiting his brother and his ‘uncle’, but he hadn’t given her the details yet. He didn’t really know how to bring it up, but he knew he wanted to. She knew Castiel, obviously, from what happened with Jax, but she’d never seen Dean.

“Sam? Everything okay?” she asked. Sam looked up and hadn’t realized he had been zoning out.

“Yeah, I’m fine it’s just… well I need to tell you something, I suppose.”

“Oh, oh, that can’t be good,” she softly laughed.

“No, no, it’s nothing bad, I promise!”

Jess took a drink of water and looked at him when she put her glass down. “Well? What is it? You’re making me curious.”

“You know I’m staying with Castiel and my brother, yes?”

“Your brother is Dean, right?”

“Yes. And well, Dean… Dean is…”

“Cute?”

“He’s… wait, did you say cute?”

Jessica looked like she was trying to hide a smile. “I saw a photo once. He’s cute. Rocking that blue elephant.”

Sam wondered if he ever mentioned the stuffy that seemed permanently attached to Dean's hands but he couldn’t recall…

“Wait, how do you know about Mister Elephant?”

“That’s his name?” she asked.

Sam tried to give her a bitchface. “I asked you a question.”

“Okay, okay,” Jess giggled. “Cesar, my boss, showed me a picture once. He told me he’d been to see Castiel and Dean after something happened at the store where his partner, Jesse, works. Jesse found Dean in an aisle, sucking his thumb, lost. Jesse and Cesar got him back to Castiel and they’ve been friends since. You know, I found it weird when I saw all those kids toys laying around Castiel’s house and you said you were staying with your Uncle and brother. I thought you and your brother had a huge age gap, but I was wrong. He’s just a Little.”

“Just a Little?” Sam was taken completely off guard. This was not how he had imagined this conversation, at all. He never thought Jess would already knew.

“Well… yeah. He’s not the only one I know, actually.”

Intriguing. “You know another Little?”

“Yeah, there are these two guys a town over. One guy’s a bit older and the other is about eighteen, I think? The younger one suffers from regression just like Dean.”

Wow. Sam wondered if they could get in touch. How awesome would it be for Dean to meet someone else with the same thing? “Could you maybe… get me a telephone number?”

Jess nodded. “Sure thing, I’ll look it up tomorrow. Don’t worry about it, he’s a very friendly man, and his Little is… well, adorable, really.”

Sam sat back in his chair and looked at the amazing woman in front of him.  “Would you like to meet Dean?”

“What, now?”

Sam chuckled and looked at his watch. “No, not now. It’s way past his bedtime already.”

Her cheeks flushed. “Oh, yeah, I knew that.”

Sam raised his eyebrows. “Suuuure you did,” he smirked. He didn’t see the meatball until it hit him in the nose.

~*~

“That’s right sleepy boy, just a quick change and then back in bed, huh?” Castiel cooed as he pulled a very sleepy Dean from his crib. He checked Dean’s diaper every evening around 11pm, before he went to bed himself. It was always a surprise on whether it would be full or not. His boy had a very satiated diaper right now and so Castiel went to change him.

Dean grumbled a bit when he was picked up, but settled right back down again when he was on the dresser. He was asleep again within a few seconds.

Castiel worked in silence, pulling down the pajama pants and unsnapping the onesie. After putting on some gloves, he unsnapped the diaper as well and assessed the mess before he reached for a large handful of wipes. Dean was dirty back to front and it took him several wipes to get everything clean. Some time ago they had decided it would be best if Dean was hairless over his crotch and between his legs, because it would make it easier to clean. Castiel was especially glad for that right now because if his boy still had hair with such a yucky mess, it would have been painful to clean up. Nobody likes their hair pulled, especially not down there.

Dean slept through the whole thing and just as Castiel was applying cream, Sam walked into the nursery.

“Hey. Saw the light was on,” he whispered.

Castiel took off his gloves and powdered the boy, then tucked him in before closing the clean diaper. “Yes, almost finished,” he whispered back.

Sam helped lifting Dean’s legs and together they pulled up the boy’s pajama pants. Sam took a sleeping Dean in his arms and carefully laid him down in the crib, careful to put Mister Elephant right back where he belonged, safely in Dean’s arms. Sam made sure Dean was snuggled in just right, tucking him in like the burrito he wanted to be.

The two men left the nursery, door ajar so the light from the hallway could shine in. They’d close it when they went to bed themselves.

“Can I talk to you?” Sam asked Castiel.

“Sure,” Castiel replied. “Want something to drink before we go to bed?”

Sam nodded and followed Castiel into the kitchen. Castiel made them both a hot chocolate and they sat down in the living room, Sam leaning against Castiel. Sam hadn’t mentioned it yet, but Castiel knew he was lonely when he was away. When Sam came to visit, he constantly tried to touch and cuddle, if it wasn’t with Dean, it was with Castiel, and if it wasn’t Castiel… it was Tig. Two times already Castiel had walked into the kitchen to find the giant Winchester on the floor, face smushed into Tig’s neck while the dog was sleeping. One of those times, Sam had been asleep too. Castiel smiled at the memory. He was almost sure Sam had let Tig sleep with him on some nights, if not almost all since he'd been here, but he didn't mind. 

After emptying their cups, Castiel sat back and pulled Sam against him. Sam rested his head on Castiel’s chest and had wrapped his arms around him. In return, Castiel carded his fingers over Sam’s scalp, waiting for the boy to start talking.

“Jess is really great,” he said.

“That’s good Sam. I’m glad it seems to be working out.”

“Yeah….”

Castiel kissed Sam on top of his head. The boy squirmed, trying to get closer, if that was possible. Castiel knew Sam was sometimes a little boy as well, though not in the way Dean was. Sam never had a mother or a father. He had Dean, but not anymore. He had the new Dean, but it wasn’t the same. Sam still needed a parental figure and Castiel was more than glad to fill that role.

“Tell me sweetheart, what’s on your mind, huh?”

“Do I have to go back?”

Castiel felt his heart break at the sound of hurt that was in that question. “Yes, Sam. I’m sorry honey, but you need your diploma. When that’s over you can come live here, you know that.” He said softly.

“I don’t wanna go…” Sam sniffled.

Castiel kissed the boy on top of his head again. “We’ll be right here, waiting for you. You’ll make Dean and me so proud, Sam.”

Sam didn’t reply but burrowed deeper into Castiel’s chest and Castiel stroked the boy’s back. “What brought all this on, Sam?”

Sam sniffed and looked up. “Well the only thing I was afraid of was Jess thinking Dean was some kinda freak, but turns out she already knew and well, she thinks he’s cute and she wants to meet him. And she knows other people who have a Little and everything is just going so well here, and I also don’t wanna leave because that Gordon is still out here and I just can’t – “

“Wow, wow, wow, Sam, Sam. Stop. Sam…”

“He’s gonna hurt Dean! And I have to stop him!”

“Sam, Sam… calm down… Sam…” Castiel said softly as he sat forward. He pushed Sam off him so he could look his boy in the eyes. “Sit here,” he said as he patted his lap.

Sam’s brows furrowed.

“I know you’re a tall man, Sam Winchester, but you can make this work. Dean’s not that much shorter than you and it works just fine there, too.”

Sam’s cheeks reddened, but he complied, sitting on Castiel’s lap. Castiel wrapped his arms around the boy’s torso and pulled him in, Sam in turn doing the same. Castiel rocked the boy side to side and when he was sure Sam was listening, he said what he wanted to say.

“We don’t know what’s going to happen with Gordon. We don’t know when, we don’t know how. You can’t stay here indefinitely in case something might happen. You need to focus on your school. That’s what me and Dean want. We want you to get your diploma and then come back to us. You can stay with us as long as you like, you know that. I want you to enjoy the time you have left here, not spend it worrying. Okay?”

“Okay,” Sam sniffed.

“What was that about other people with a Little?” Castiel asked, curious.

“Jess said she knew someone who also had a Little, and she could get us a telephone number.”

Castiel liked that idea. “That’s great news. I’d love to share some experiences and talk to someone who also takes care of a Little.”

Sam gave a soft chuckle and buried his face in Castiel’s shoulder. “Knew you were gonna say that…” he said.

Castiel tightened his grip, causing Sam to give out an unmanly shriek, then pulled back to give Sam a raspberry on his neck. Sam laughed out loud and tried to get away, then laughed even louder when they both fell to the floor.

~*~

Dean woke up slowly. His elephant was with him and his blankie too. Where was Daddy? He turned around so he was on his stomach then tried to crawl forward. He couldn’t find his pacie! Wiggling and squirming, he spotted his pacie. It was stuck! Dean tried to put his hand on there, but as usual, his hands didn’t really work that well. Trying again, he raised his whole arm and tried to smash against the pacie, trying to get it out of its place.

It worked! The pacie flew through the bars of the crib. But now his hand was stuck! Oh no!

Dean tried to pull, and pull, but he couldn’t pull that hard because that hurt! Groaning, he tried again, but he only got stuck more!

It really started to hurt now and he let out a soft whimper. He tugged again and now a sharp pain ran through his hand. He felt it get warm and wet.

Dean whimpered some more and gave one last tug, then finally his arm was free!

But… it was red. And yucky. And dripping. And it hurt. A lot.

Dean’s lower lip began to tremble and it only took two seconds to let out a hard cry. He was panicking now; his breathing rapid and he tried to hold back the hiccups, but they were coming on strong.

Daddy rounded the corner, putting something in his pocket before he looked up. Dean was bawling his eyes out and it only took two steps for Daddy to reach him. Finally!

“Dean! Dean what happened!”

How was he supposed to know? It got stuck and now it’s not!

Daddy had already taken Dean in his arms and suddenly they were in the kitchen, and Daddy was yelling for Sam.

Dean was on his bum on the kitchen counter, which was pretty cool because that never happened. But his hand still hurt and now Sam was here too and they were really fussing over him. Dean looked at the two in amazement, as Daddy cleaned his hand and Sam was getting a band-aid. His crying had stopped but he didn’t really know how to act now, so he just kept silent as he watched Daddy and Sam.

Daddy looked up at Dean. “How did this happen, huh sweetheart?”

“’Urt…”  Dean said.

“I know it hurts baby, I know…” Daddy said. Was Daddy going to cry? Surely not!

“Dadda?”

“Yes sweetheart?”

“’Ry?”

“No honey, Daddy isn’t crying. Daddy got a bit scared because you got hurt!”

Oh, that’s right. Dean got hurt. He felt the tears coming again. All he’d really wanted was his pacifier.

Sam was finished now and he had white bandages on his hand, with a Dora band-aid on top to make it look pretty.

“Do-a!” Dean exclaimed, waving his hand in front of him.

Sam smiled at him and Daddy went to pick him up. “Pacie?” he asked.

“Pacie.”

Daddy walked upstairs again and when he walked in Dean could see the red stuff in the crib. Daddy quickly turned him around so he wouldn’t have to see. “Daddy will clean it up baby, don’t worry. Let's get you changed first, honeybee.”

~*~

After getting Dean in a clean diaper and clothes for the day, Castiel sat him down on the floor to play for a bit. He then went over to the crib to see how  Dean had gotten himself  hurt. 

To walk into his sons’ room to find him crying and an arm covered in blood? He’d been terrified.

When he looked down, he saw the pacifier on the floor. There was a lot of blood between the bars and the side of the mattress. Yuck. No wonder Dean had gotten stuck; a screw was loose and his hand had gotten caught on it.

Castiel removed the bedding and put some clean sheets on, before soaking the dirty ones in cold water and oxy powder. It was Dean’s favorite bedding, the one with tiny little sailboats with bears on them.

Which reminded him; Benny had asked if he could take Big Dean out on the boat sometime next week. Castiel wouldn’t come, especially not after last time’s near death experience, but also because he wanted Benny and Dean to have a bit of bonding time again. It had been too long.

After getting the new bedding on and screwing the screw back in place tightly, he picked up his boy and walked downstairs, “I got a phone number from someone who also has a Little, how cool is that, huh? Maybe we could meet up, would you like that?”

Dean didn’t reply, too busy holding on to his Daddy and sucking his pacifier. Castiel felt excited about it though, and he sat down with his son in his lap. Taking his phone out, he called the number Sam had given him.

After ringing a few times, Castiel could hear when the phone was being picked up and he heard some shuffling and a clatter.

“Noooo Gabe, no fingers in the batter! No, no, no love, get your grabby hands out of there, Little monster!”

He heard someone squealing in the background and knew this had to be a Little. He wondered what age this ‘Gabe’ regressed to.

“Hello?” he asked, wondering if the person on the other line even knew he was on the phone.

“Yes, hi, hello, bon soir. My name is Balthazar, how may I help you this fine day?”

Chapter Text

It was time for Sam to go home again. Easter had come and passed; photos of Little Dean’s face covered in chocolate after eating all the candy eggs now covering the fridge. Sam saved one as a phone wallpaper, grinning every time he saw it.

He had a hard time saying goodbye to Jess. She kept telling him it would be alright and that she would wait for him after his graduation. Castiel and Dean were going to come pick him up when the school year was finished, and he couldn’t wait for that to happen. He wanted to live with his brother and Castiel. He finally knew what it meant to have a steady and loving home base, and he couldn’t bear the thought of not returning soon.

“Got your bags in the car? Everything ready?” Castiel asked Sam as he gave Tig a cookie before they left. Dean walked down the stairs, a present in his hands.

“Yeah I think I’ve got everything. What’s that?”

Dean had all but thrusted the present towards him, then stepped back to stand beside his Daddy. “For you. I made it,” Dean replied with a blush.

Sam unwrapped it carefully, not wanting to tear up the wrapping paper, that seemed to have been decorated by Dean himself.

It was a clay cup, painted in bright colors. There were three stick figures and one with four legs. One stick figure was very tall, then came a very short one, and then one which was a bit taller again. The first had an ‘S’ under it, the second ‘D’, and the third ‘D’ again. The four legged creature had TIG written under it in wobbly letters, and Sam loved it.

Dean pointed at it. “Sam, Dean and Daddy, see? You can put pens and pencils in it and stuff…” he mumbled, after which he tried to hide against Castiel. Sam was endeared by Dean’s shyness. Sure, Big Dean could still be bold and brass, but other times he was just a little kid and those moments were very special too.

“I love it Dean. Now give me a hug.” He said, opening his arms after setting the cup down. Castiel gently pushed Dean off him and turned the boy around. When Dean saw the open arms he quickly went to Sam, burying himself in Sam’s chest.

“Don’t want you to leave again, Sammy…” he mumbled.

Sam’s heart clenched; he didn’t want to go either, but he knew he had to finish school. He was glad he was in his last year. “I’ll be back soon. You’ll be coming to pick me up before you know it, yeah?” he said. Dean nodded and held on tighter.

It wasn’t until Sam was strapped in his seat on the airplane, that he let a few tears escape. Dean had been crying when they finally said goodbye and it had been heartbreaking. Seeing Castiel carry Dean back, the boy crying and calling out for Sam had made his gut wrench.

~*~

“Now now Dean, calm down… calm down, you’re okay…” Castiel cooed as he bounced Dean up and down slightly, while walking around in the kitchen. Dean was still sniffling, still upset, but he knew his boy had to get through this.

“Miss… him…” Dean managed to get out between hiccups.

“I know. We’ll see him soon, okay?”

Sniff. “Okay.”

“Excited about tomorrow?” Castiel asked in an attempt to distract Dean.

“Y-Yeah… gonna go… on a boat…”

“That’s right. Uncle Benny is coming to pick you up, and then you’re going to spend the day on the boat. How cool is that?!” Castiel said, trying to sound enthusiastic. He was glad he wasn’t going too. He trusted Benny with his son and as long as Dean was Big, he knew there wouldn’t be much risk. He’d talked to Benny about this and they both decided that if Dean would fall into his Little headspace, Benny would bring him down below and immediately go back to shore.

Dean’s voice brought him out of his musings.

“Daddy?”

“Yes sweetheart?”

“Can I… can I sleep?”

Castiel raised his eyebrows. “It’s not time for your nap yet, sweetheart. Are you that tired?”

“I just… I don’t wanna… I don’t really feel like doing anything.”

Listening to his son, Castiel decided to follow his instinct on this one, realizing Sam’s departure had been a bit harder on his baby than he’d thought. “Sure honey, let’s get you down for a bit, huh?”

Dean didn’t reply, but tucked his head against Castiel’s neck, hot puffs of air tickling his neck as he carried his son upstairs. Dean was almost asleep when he entered the nursery.

After getting Dean out of his Big clothes and into a clean diaper, Castiel went to lay the boy down in his crib, only to be surprised when the boy didn’t want to let go.  “No, stay with you Daddy…”

“Thought you wanted to sleep?”

“I do…” Dean yawned.

Castiel wasn’t opposed to a nap himself, so he carried Dean to his bedroom, pulling the covers down on the king size bed. When he was settled, with Dean draped over him like an overgrown Koala bear, he pulled the covers over them. He held Dean with one arm on his waist. One hand was on Dean’s head, keeping it from lolling back and making his boy uncomfortable.

Dean was already asleep, the soft snores filling the bedroom. Castiel sighed, looking around a bit before the sounds of his sleeping son were lulling him into a snooze as well.

~*~

Benny was amazed. Dean had been a big boy all day long. Never complained about the hard winds, never complained about needing to help here and there. They caught some big fish and the boy’s happy squeals when they did were more than enough proof that they needed to do this again some time.

Just as they were packing up their stuff Benny had noticed that Dean had begun to waddle a bit. A full diaper was probably the cause, but he knew Dean would come to him if he needed changing, or he’d do it himself, whichever he preferred. When Dean took off his coveralls, his suspicions were confirmed by a saggy diaper butt.

“Dean?”

“Yeah unc’ Benny?” Dean mumbled absentmindedly as he was struggling with getting out of the legs.

“You need a change darlin’?”

Dean looked up and shrugged. “’s not that full yet. I’ll wait till I’m back home with Daddy. Just half an hour, right?”

Benny nodded. “As long as it doesn’t leak on my car seat I don’t mind.”

Dean chuckled as he finally got out of his coveralls. “I know exactly what they can or can’t take. It’ll be fine.”

“Alright, if you’re sure…”

Together they put away the last of the fishing gear. Dean was allowed to steer the boat back to shore. It was quite an endearing sight, Dean perched behind the steering wheel, bow legs even wider because of the saggy diaper hanging in between. Dean waddled around the deck when they finally arrived, throwing Benny the rope so he could attach it to the dock.

Dean was yawning as they walked over to the car, carrying the cooler together between them. Benny was going to grill the fish at home, but he had a slight suspicion that Big Dean would not be present for that. The boy had very actively been Big today, as expected, but he was getting so tired. A forebode to Dean’s regression was usually Dean questioning everything, just because he simply didn’t understand anymore.

“Quit your yawning, Little one. We’re almost at the car, you can go to bed when you get home.”

Dean scowled. “Nu-uh! We were gonna… with the fish.”

Benny raised an eyebrow and chuckled. He put the cooler in the trunk and wasn’t surprised to find Dean with his thumb in his mouth when he turned around. “Go sit in the front seat, Dean. It’s okay to be Little now, you’ve had a long day, I know.”

Dean waddled over to the passenger door, hand limply banging against the handle. He huffed and went to turn, but Benny was already behind him, steadying him with a hand on his waist, noticing Dean's legs were about to give out.

“I know Lil’ captain. Here,” he said as he opened the door for Dean. He ushered the boy inside, making sure he didn’t hit his head on the way in. Benny fastened Dean’s seatbelt, knowing Dean couldn’t do it himself anymore.

“Dean?” he asked, but all the boy did was giggle around his thumb. Benny knew he had to be quick, especially if Dean was full on regressing. If he was, he couldn’t keep himself up quite as good anymore and he didn’t want the boy hitting his head on the window. After throwing the rest of his stuff carelessly in the back seat, he got in the front, ready for the ten-minute drive to Castiel’s home. He pulled Dean towards him, glad he was driving a bench-seat style pickup so there was plenty of room for Dean to cuddle up to him.

By the time he arrived at the Novak residence, Dean was drooling in his lap. Castiel was already walking outside, alerted by the low rumble of Benny’s engine.

When Castiel opened the passenger side door, he smiled when he saw Dean was out like a light, with his bulging diaper proudly on display. After a questioning look aimed at Benny, the sailor replied. “He wanted you to change him. You should’ve seen him waddle, it was hilarious.”

“Thanks for taking care of him, Benny. Did you catch much?”

Benny helped Castiel get a good grip on Dean before getting out himself. “Yeah, caught some lovely beauties. Thought we might grill them up after Dean’s down for the night."

Castiel smiled. “Want to invite Ellen over? I know you haven’t seen her all day.”

“No worries, brother. I saw her this morning.” Benny smirked.

Castiel laughed, and when Dean let out an annoyed grumble, he patted his son on the back. “Let’s get you changed and into bed, huh?”

~*~

“So, what’s the deal with another Little I heard about? You meeting up soon?”

Castiel took another bite of his salmon and nodded. “Yes, we’re meeting up in a couple of days. I’ve talked to Balthazar twice now. The second phone call wasn’t even about our Littles… we just… talked. It was nice.”

Benny seemed surprised to hear that, and that didn’t surprise Castiel one bit. He had a special feeling about Balthazar. He liked talking to the man. He was sensitive, but also didn’t beat around the bush.

“What’s his Little like then? Like Dean?”

Castiel put down his fork and frowned. “I don’t think so. Balthazar told me Gabriel only regresses to one age, where as Dean varies from infancy to toddler. Gabriel regresses to being between 7 to 12 months. He can’t talk when he’s regressed, but he can yell or squeal or laugh. He regresses when he’s scared or insecure, or when he’s just very comfortable. Balthazar hasn’t told me what kind of trauma has caused his regressions, but it’s never something good, is it?” he stated.

Benny shrugged. “Sometimes you just don’t know. How old is he?”

“He’s eighteen years old. Apparently, Gabriel is his nephew, but when his regressions started his biological parents didn’t want anything to do with him. Couldn’t see beyond them. He and Balthazar had always been close, so Balthazar fought for legal guardianship. Balthazar is 32, so about my age. They live just one town over. To think I never would’ve known about Gabriel if Jess hadn’t told Sam.”

“Don’t worry about something you can’t change. She told him, now you know, now you can meet up. Clear as that. Just hope Dean and Gabriel get along.”

“I don’t see why not,” Castiel questioned. “Especially if they’re both regressed at the time. I think Dean’s a very social baby.”

Benny scoffed. “How would you know?”

“Well, he always plays really nice with Charlie, Ellen, you, Jo, you name it.”

“Yeah, because we give him all the attention. He doesn’t have to share or anything. I’m just saying, maybe you’d be in for a bit of a surprise. Dean’s never had to share you before.”

“And he won’t have to, now. Gabriel has Balthazar and Dean has me. What could go wrong?”

“Nothing. Just saying. Don’t be surprised if it happens.”

Castiel mulled it over, but he knew it would be okay. At the end of the day, it would always be just him and Dean, and he knew Dean felt the same way.

~*~

A few days later, it was time for the meet up. Dean was Big and he knew who was coming over this afternoon. He was excited; this was his first time actually meeting another Little and Balthazar had called this morning to let them know Gabriel was regressed.

Castiel had gone all out, getting plenty of different snack and drink options and making sure all the toys were spread out in the living room. What he didn’t know was that Dean had gone in just to get his favorite toys out of there. He’d hidden them under the covers of his crib. He’d probably like Gabriel, but he didn’t want the kid drooling over his special toys.

He’d asked him what he’d been doing upstairs all by himself, to which Dean replied he’d left something upstairs, but he didn’t specify what. Castiel had narrowed his eyes but didn’t ask any further questions. Dean quickly got out of the way, not wanting to be interrogated by his Daddy.

When they heard a car coming up the driveway, Dean stood in front of the window, peeking out. He didn’t want to be seen just yet. Daddy was already opening the front door, Dean rolling his eyes when he heard Daddy enthusiastically calling out for Gabriel.

Man, that was weird. There was a grown man picking up another grown man, which could only be Gabriel, out of the front seat of the car. Okay, Gabriel was a lot shorter than Balthazar, and skinnier too, but still. Those were two adults. Did Dean and Daddy look so silly? When Dean was in Daddy’s arms?

Gabriel was flapping his arms a bit and Balthazar was saying something to Daddy. Daddy took out what seemed to be a firetruck red pacifier from the baby bag and gave it to Gabriel, who then hid against Balthazar’s neck.

Did Dean do that? He knew he cuddled up to Daddy when he was Big and he was sure he did it when he was Little, but to see it displayed like this was… unnerving. It looked a little ridiculous.

Dean decided to wait in the hallway when Daddy and the rest came in. Balthazar walked over to him and Dean had to look up, because Dean was sitting on his butt. Diapers were quite comfortable to sit on, you know. “Hi! You must be Dean! I’m Balthazar, very nice to meet you, Little chap.”

Dean swallowed heavily and nodded, looking at his Daddy when Balthazar ruffled his hair. “This here is Little Gabe. Gabe is a baby right now, so he can’t exactly speak. He’s a bit shy at the moment, but he’ll come around soon enough.”

Dean looked at Gabe’s face, to see wide eyes staring back at him. Dean stood up with wobbly legs and reached out, trying to stroke the boy’s cheek, but Gabriel flinched and turned to hide in Balthazar’s neck.

“Sorry. He’s a bit scared of new people.”

Castiel smiled and offered them all something to drink.

It was a bit awkward, sitting on the sofa without Daddy around. Balthazar sat on one end, Gabriel in his lap, rocking the boy. It made Dean miss Daddy, but he was a Big boy now, so he could wait, is what he told himself.

When Daddy eventually came in with two cups of tea and two bottles, Dean could finally relax. Balthazar gave Gabriel his bottle, and Daddy ushered Dean onto his lap. Dean wiggled and squirmed until he was comfortable, then latched on and drank the warm milk, blinking languidly up at Daddy. He decided to ignore Balthazar and the other Little, wanting just his Daddy at the moment.

Daddy was talking to Balthazar, but it was about boring adult stuff. Dean was Big; he knew he was. But this was quite nice and if Gabriel was falling asleep (he’d checked), then he felt he had every right to do as well. He suckled hard until the bottle was almost empty, because who wouldn't finish a bottle of milk with vanilla and cinnamon, then let Castiel’s low rumbles soothe him to sleep.

~*~

Castiel looked down to find Dean fast asleep, jaw slack, then looked over to see the same tableau with Balthazar and Gabriel.

“Warm milk does the trick every time, doesn’t it?” Balthazar asked with a soft smile as he looked at Dean with warm eyes.

Castiel smiled back. “Dean’s out like a light after almost every bottle. Sleeping is his main hobby, I think.”

“Was he regressed just now?”

Castiel frowned. “No, he was Big. Still is, I think. Why do you ask?”

 “He acted rather Little. Gabriel is a baby when he’s regressed, but when he’s not, he’s full on adult. Dean was still acting very boyish.”

Castiel could be annoyed by such a remark, but he wasn’t. What Balthazar said actually made sense, seeing as he only had Gabriel as a reference for regressions and Little behavior. “Dean doesn’t… regress to one single age or act as an adult when he isn’t. He’s tried to act completely adult, but it backfired and only sent him into worse regressions. As a result, he’s still a kid even when he isn’t, if you know what I mean?”

Balthazar seemed to contemplate this and in the end, he sighed. “I was hoping that we could find similarities with their regressions, you know?”

“I know. But this doesn’t mean we can’t give each other advice.” Castiel countered.

“Well, nothing a cuppa won’t fix.” Balthazar said as he took a sip of tea.

Gabriel was curled up against him, sniffling and keeping one hand gripped tight around a stuffed toy.

“What’s that?” Castiel asked, because he didn’t recognize it to be an animal.

Balthazar looked down. “Well,” he laughed, “it used to be a moose with angel wings. But it’s lost one wing and I’ve had to sew the antlers back on many times. It used to be brown but it’s been dirtied up and washed again so frequently it kind of lost all color. It’s a sad little half angel moose now, is what it is. But, no getting rid of the damn thing, that’s for sure.”

Castiel loved it and wondered what Mister Elephant would look like in a few year’s time. Probably just as battered and broken, but loved nonetheless.

“Want to see the nursery?” Castiel asked. Balthazar nodded yes and they both made their way upstairs. Both carried their boys, Dean drooling on Castiel’s shoulder. Luckily Castiel had learned everything ‘Dean’ long ago and had already put a cloth on his shoulder just for this occasion.  Balthazar laughed when he saw and pointed to his own shoulder when Castiel had asked. There was a bib placed there for the exact same reason, a wet spot under Gabriel’s chin.

Balthazar got the grand tour and was amazed by the mural, then got to talking with Castiel over cloth diapers and their benefits. It was amiable; Castiel liked it. Balthazar made him feel at ease in ways he hadn’t before and he felt he could discuss anything with him without any shame.

When they went back down is when Gabriel woke up. Dean was still sleeping and Castiel put him down in the kitchen crib, baby monitor on just in case.

Gabriel was an amazing Little; sweet, curious and shy at the same time. Balthazar said the difference between Gabriel’s Little and Big self were like night and day, but not in a bad way. Big Gabriel was a sarcastic tease, but had a good heart and wanted to take care of everyone. Little Gabriel was shy, but easily convinced with candy. He’d be anyone’s friend if you gave him chocolate. Balthazar explained that Little Gabriel would kill for a sucker, but they’d had some near choking experiences and he didn’t want a repeat, which Castiel could very easily imagine.

Balthazar put Gabriel in Castiel’s lap and Castiel was gone for the boy within seconds. Two very uncoordinated hands tried to grab at his hair, laughing when Castiel made a silly face. Castiel presented the boy with a bit of chocolate; the boy’s eyes lit up and he squealed. Castiel helped him put it in his mouth, but it ended all over his face anyway. Gabriel bounced a bit when he made a funny voice to accompany Moose, and this had Gabriel squealing with tears running down his face.

Apparently, the ruckus woke Dean up and when they heard whining coming from the baby monitor, Balthazar got up to get Dean. Castiel wondered if that was going to go okay, but he’d just have to wait and see. He had his lap full of Gabriel anyway.

Balthazar walked in with a very grumpy Dean on his hip and the sight of it made Castiel laugh. His boy was very disgruntled and Castiel wondered if Dean was even aware it wasn’t Castiel he was leaning into.

His theory was proven right when he said Dean’s name from the couch.

“Hi Dean, did you have a good sleep?”

Immediately Dean shot up, taking a look at Castiel and then to Balthazar who was holding him. He gave out a short yelp and then unceremoniously wiggled out of Balthazar’s hold, who tried to put him down as gently as possible without dropping him.

“Daddy…!” Dean whined. The boy wasn’t stomping his feet on the floor yet, but it was close.  

“Balthazar, mind taking your son back? I have a very grumpy honeybee, I see.”

As soon as Gabriel was out of Castiel’s lap, Dean squirmed in, making himself right at home. He huffed and puffed, then looked up at Balthazar with narrowed eyes. “My Daddy.” He said.

Balthazar laughed and nodded. “Yes darling, your daddy.”

Castiel almost laughed with how adorable Dean was like this, but he knew he shouldn’t. It would make Mister Grumpypants even more grumpier, and he didn’t want that. “Good thing you put away all your favorite toys, right? Wouldn’t want to share those, either,” Castiel winked.

Dean blushed a bit but didn’t reply, instead turning his head down and hiding against Castiel’s tummy.

Castiel rubbed the boy’s back. “I’ll always be your Daddy, honeybee. Nobody else’s. I was just showing Gabriel the wonders of chocolate, okay?”

“Okay,” Dean grumbled, but Castiel didn’t miss Dean’s thumb making his way to his mouth, a sure sign that this wasn’t over and dealt with. Castiel pulled the boy in higher and peppered the back of Dean’s head with kisses, causing the boy to giggle in return.

Meanwhile, Gabriel had been looking at the two of them from his safe little place in his Daddy’s lap. His eyes followed Dean and Castiel and he laughed when Dean laughed, giggled when Dean giggled and sucked his thumb when Dean did. Apparently, Dean was quite the role model and Gabriel loved to imitate the other boy.

Both Balthazar and Castiel noticed and they looked at each other. “We’ve got a little impersonator on our hands, Cas,” Balthazar said with mock seriousness.

Castiel nodded solemnly and focused his gaze on Gabriel. “It seems we do. Dean, scratch your nose.”

“Huh?” Dean asked as he looked up.

“Scratch your nose, then watch Gabriel.”

Dean did as he was asked and almost had a fit when Gabriel mimicked him within seconds. Dean pulled his ear, Gabriel pulled his ear. Dean crossed his eyes, Gabriel tried to cross his eyes. Dean winked, Gabriel was blinking really fast. It made them all smile and laugh and even though Gabriel was too Little to understand how his actions made his surroundings react, he was still a happy little babe and bounced up and down in Balthazar’s hold when Dean came close.

Dean wanted Gabriel to be able to cross his eyes and so slowly, very slowly, he held out a finger and directed it towards Gabriel’s nose. Gabriel followed it and when Dean got close his eyes almost crossed and Dean fell down in a fit of laughter, causing Gabriel to laugh as well, even though he didn’t know why.

The play date was a success and the two men decided to meet up again soon. Castiel also told him about Gordon and everything they knew. Balthazar gave Castiel some insights and told Castiel to call if he ever needed help, with Dean or things regarding the Gordon situation. Balthazar worked for a newspaper, the Garrison Daily, and had lots of sources and contacts. He was going to ask around, but Castiel didn’t want to get his hopes up.

When they left, the house was eerily quiet. Dean was in his arms, slowly sucking on his pacifier and resting his head on Castiel’s shoulder.

“What do you say. Pizza for dinner?”

Dean sighed happily. “Yeah Daddy, pwizza…” he mumbled.

Chapter Text

Dean liked having his hair petted. Especially when he was laying sideways on the sofa with his head in Daddy’s lap and watching Dora. He really loved the monkey, Boots! Whenever Boots was on, he’d try to clap and Daddy would clap too!

He heard the doorbell ring, but he didn’t want Daddy to get up. Oh no no no, he was way too comfortable! Why was someone coming by? Dean grumbled when Daddy left the sofa and he was all alone. Dean was happy that Mister Elephant was by his side. Mister Elephant was his bestest friend, but so was Tig. Tig was funny! And lazy! And big! Dean could really cuddle with him. Tig was always warm.

Dean looked up when Daddy came back into the living room. He reached up his arms because he wanted a hug! Daddy picked him up and bounced him! Dean giggled, bouncing was fun!

When they sat back down, Dean saw Bobby! And Bobby went to sit on the sofa too. Dean let go of Daddy and tried to crawl over to Bobby. Bobby helped him and then he was on Bobby’s lap! Bobby had hair growing on his face, that was so interesting! Dean tried to pull it, but then Bobby stopped him. That was stupid. Dean made a sad face and that made Daddy laugh.

“Don’t hurt Bobby!” Daddy said.

Dean nodded very quickly, because Daddy was being serious. Dean could be serious too. Then he’d make a serious face and act really grown up! And grown up people were nice, most of the time. So Dean would just have to give Bobby a hug.

He all but threw himself at Bobby’s chest and then Bobby chuckled. Dean liked making Bobby happy.

“Calm down lil’ idjit, yer too excited sometimes, aren’t ya?”

Dean grinned and hid his face in Bobby’s neck. Bobby then went and talked to Daddy and Dean didn’t understand all those grown up words. He had Mister Elephant though and he kept Dean company.

He hadn’t even noticed that Daddy left until he came back! And he had a bottle. Dean bounced up and down and Bobby pulled him back and gave Dean the bottle! Bobby had never given Dean a bottle before. Not even in the place with all the cars. This was cool!

Daddy told Bobby what to do! That was funny. It wasn’t as if it was hard! Dean just needed to drink. He really didn’t mind that. He loved his bottle and especially what came after. Nap time!

Dean almost had his eyes closed already when the bottle was almost empty. Bobby had a really soft tummy, even softer than Daddy’s, and it was really comfortable to cuddle up to it! He was almost asleep, but then two big hands pulled him away from Bobby. He knew it was Daddy, but that didn’t mean he had to like it! Bobby was warm and soft and his crib would be cold! “Come on honeybee,” Daddy said. “Time for a little sleep, right?”

Dean whined. He didn’t want to! And his stomach felt a bit funny. Daddy walked him upstairs and bounced him a little bit. Dean already missed Bobby.

When Daddy walked into Dean’s room, Dean felt even more funny. He thought he was going to burp, but instead some milk came out! Oh no, it was all over Daddy’s shoulder!

“Oh my little man, what happened? Oh honeybee, it’s okay! It’s okay!” Daddy said, but Dean could feel the tears coming up.

He tried to hold them back but that only made him hiccup! Dean sobbed a bit and he sniffled a lot. His mouth tasted really funny and he didn’t like it one bit.

Daddy put him down on the changing table and then Daddy took off his shirt. There was a t-shirt underneath with a picture of an animal on it! That was cool!

He pointed at it and Daddy looked down. “Panda!” Daddy said.

“Panna! Panna!” Dean replied.

Daddy then helped Dean in a new diaper and that was always so boring! Dean tried to hit his mobile with his hands but he couldn’t quite reach! It was over quick though, and Daddy also cleaned his face from all the puke. And then Daddy put something minty in his mouth. It tasted really good. Finally, that yucky taste was gone!

Dean was a happy babe now. He smiled when Daddy picked him up and he gathered all his stuffed friends before Daddy tucked him in. Daddy always called Dean his little burrito when he was going to bed. Dean liked that word a lot! Burrito! Burrrrrrrrr…ito! Bur-ito! Brito!

Legs squished together, straight down and his whole body flat on the mattress, he felt comfortable. His stuffies were surrounding him and he was tucked in tight. Daddy gave him his pacifier and then pressed play on the lullaby machine. That was how it was supposed to go and that was how it went! It was nice. Dean liked knowing what to expect. Everything should always stay the same! Nobody tucked him in better than Daddy.

Dean went to sleep, dreaming about adventures with Mister Elephant and Tig. He was the prince and Tig his noble steed. He didn’t know what Mister Elephant was supposed to be, but he was safe in Dean’s arms and that was all that mattered, really.

~*~

“Haven’t seen ya in a while, boy,” Bobby said after Castiel came back down.

Castiel sighed and nodded. “It’s been a while, I know, but everything is well. Sam has gone back for the final stretch of school and Dean needed some time to adjust. Then yesterday when he was supposed to go to the garage again, he regressed. But, if all goes well, he’ll be back in the shop on Monday.”

“No need to explain son, I know how it can get. It’s not like he has people waiting for him, that Plymouth is his own project he can finish in his own time.”

“Not sure if he’s ever going to finish it,” Castiel commented.

Bobby raised an eyebrow. “Have you seen how far he’s come already?”

“I haven’t,” Castiel replied, “but he’s not been at your place as much as I’d expected.”

“True,” Bobby agreed. “But, when he’s big, the kid’s quick and knows a lot. He’d have a good future in cars if things were different.”  Castiel smiled and offered Bobby a cup of coffee. Bobby walked with him to the kitchen. “Hear anything new about that Gordon fella?”

“No, can’t say I have. I’m hoping it will blow over, but that’s just hoping.”

Bobby nodded. “Yeah, I don’t think we’ve seen the last of him yet.” The two men sighed simultaneously before walking outside, letting Tig roam around the garden for a bit.

~*~

Balthazar turned on the kettle and grabbed two mugs from the cabinet just as Gabe walked into the kitchen, dressed and ready for the day.

“Room clean?” Balthazar asked, knowing Gabe was a slob even on his best days.

“Yeah yeah,” Gabe replied, putting a tea bag in both mugs. “Milk in yours?” he asked.

“Always.” Balthazar replied.

Balthazar put his Shredded Wheat in a bowl and added milk, then made a bowl with Fruit Loops for Gabe. He couldn’t stand the sugary stuff, but Gabriel was addicted to it.

Both men munched silently while Balthazar read his paper and Gabriel was perusing 9Gag on the iPad. It was a quiet, standard morning, nothing out of the ordinary. Balthazar knew Gabriel was due for a regression soon because it had been a couple of days. He didn’t want to bring it up though and knew his babe would be in his headspace soon enough by the looks of it. Gabriel had been fidgeting ever since last night when he adamantly refused to take a shower after he’d spent the evening playing with their cat, Loki. He'd been all sweaty, but apparently that wasn't a good enough reason for a shower.

Balthazar’s request that he shower and the ensuing argument had ended with Gabriel slamming his door while shouting ‘you’re not my father when I’m not regressed!’ and throwing things in his room. Balthazar had let him rant; the boy obviously needed an outlet. 

Gabriel was eighteen, so in addition to dealing with his regressions he also had hormones raging through his body that he was still working to control. Balthazar knew it was best to just let the kid cool off in his own time. Gabe would come apologize once he calmed down again. This wasn’t the first time Gabe had flipped over something so small.

It was nearing midnight, when Balthazar lay in bed with Loki by his side, reading glasses perched on top of his nose as he was reading a new study about regressions. He’d rather read about the sexual history of Romans and the many orgies they had, but alas, he had a responsibility towards Gabriel and he would keep that, even if it meant more serious reading instead of the porn he preferred.

He’d never really been the type for a relationship, so porn had always been his go-to thing. Now he couldn't even have that as much as he used to anymore. A relationship was too much responsibility and too much effort; he understood if people didn’t want to deal with that if they didn’t have to. He didn’t agree, but that was a different matter.

A freshly showered Gabriel came shuffling in just as Balthazar was about to turn off the lights and go to sleep. Gabriel sat on the edge of the bed, wincing when he crouched over Balthazar to pick up Loki and hold her in his arms. That wasn’t the first time Gabriel had showed signs of discomfort these last couple of days, but Balthazar had asked him about it and Gabriel had only replied he must’ve eaten something that didn’t agree with him. That was nothing new, so Balthazar didn’t really pay it any attention.

“Thank you for taking that shower.” He said.

Gabriel gave a soft chuckle. “Yeah. Well. I reeked. You were right.”

“So next time you won’t fight me just as much?”

“Didn’t say that,” Gabriel smirked.

Balthazar smiled in reply. That was his boy.

Gabriel’s bravado seemed to falter after that; he rubbed the back of his neck while muttering a soft apology. Balthazar opened his arms and Gabriel took the invitation. Balthazar hugged him tight then gave him a kiss on top of his head before letting go. “You get some sleep, okay love? You have school tomorrow.”

“Don’t remind me,” Gabriel grumbled as he rolled his eyes.

Balthazar had softly pushed him away and took off his reading glasses. Gabriel said goodnight and walked out, Loki on his heels, knowing Gabriel would allow her to sleep in his room. That cat was spoiled rotten, but he knew Gabriel wasn’t the only one to blame for that.

After they had both finished their breakfast the next morning, Balthazar started getting ready for work, dressing up even though he knew Gabriel was likely going to regress this morning. All the signs were there and he remembered Castiel saying how Dean regressed. Gabriel was the same way when it came to either falling in or getting out of his baby headspace. Gabriel would start to fidget, then question things. He wouldn’t understand the simplest questions or remarks; would often get a glazed look in his eyes. A thumb would magically find its way to his mouth and legs would start to wobble; usually Gabe would already be sitting down, knowing he’d fall flat on his bum if he wasn’t careful.

Gabriel out right refused to wear diapers when he was an adult, resulting in wet pants every time he regressed. Balthazar tried to at least get him to wear a pad, but the boy was adamant and Balthazar knew it was difficult for him. Gabriel had only regressed at school twice, but his best friend Michael knew the signs as well and would call Balthazar so he could come pick him up. The school also accommodated Gabriel’s special needs; his regressions were a medical issue and allowed for Gabriel to miss schooldays and for those hours to be rescheduled without any fuss. All of the teachers knew what to look out for, too, which set Balthazar at ease.

Gabriel was never bullied as far as Balthazar knew; his sarcasm and quick mouth made sure he was never a victim. He was quick, witty and sure of himself when he needed to be and Balthazar was proud of him for that. There was no way Gabriel would show that sort of weakness and vulnerability. Most of his schoolmates knew about his baby side but never mentioned it; at least not as far as Balthazar knew.

After getting dressed and spraying himself with copious amounts of cologne, Balthazar strode into the kitchen, putting his paperwork on the kitchen island. On top was a folder named ‘Gordon’, in which he’d collected some data about the man that had been causing so much trouble for his new friend Castiel and his Little, Dean.

Gabriel walked into the kitchen, already fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt and Balthazar knew it wouldn’t be long now. Wobbly steps were taken until Gabriel sat down, eyes going wide when he saw the brown folder in front of him.

“Gordon?” he asked, lips wobbling. Balthazar frowned; Gabriel wasn’t one to get upset quickly. It seemed as if Gabriel knew this Gordon, but he’d never heard that from Gabriel.

“That name ring a bell?” he inquired.

“Dark man, lives one town over? Likes to hurt people?” Gabriel practically squeaked.

Balthazar narrowed his eyes into slits. “Gabe what aren’t you telling me, love? Did he hurt you?”

He’d gotten all kinds of info about the man, and none of it was positive. He’d had a very difficult childhood, apparently used to be a Little and wasn't anymore? Something happened there, he was sure of it. That was no excuse though for how he was stalking Dean and all the people he was in contact with. Did Gordon do something to Gabriel?

Gabriel looked at the table, silent. That’s how Balthazar knew something was seriously wrong. If this man hadn’t hurt Gabriel, he would’ve said so. The silence was an answer enough and Balthazar could practically feel his blood boil at the thought of someone hurting his babe. He tried to stay calm but only got more furious when he noticed Gabriel had Moose in his hands and was pulling on one antler; a thing the boy always did when he was fighting with himself. “Darling?”

Gabriel sniffed and Balthazar had to keep himself under control because all he wanted to do was pick the boy up and rock him in his arms till he’d calm down. He knew he couldn’t though; Gabriel wouldn’t let him when he was in his adult headspace, plus it would shut him down and Balthazar really wanted to know what Gordon had done.

“Remember when uh… couple ‘days ago I went straight to my room when I got home…”

“Hmm.” Balthazar replied, listening.

“I was walking from school to the bus stop and this guy came up to me and he… started talking about Dean and that he knew I knew him. But, I don’t really know Dean cause I only saw him that one time when I was Little, and I don’t remember those times, you know?”

Of course, Balthazar knew.

“He knew about Littles and so I thought I’d just… you know, explain that I didn’t remember Dean that much because I was Little at the time, yeah? But he just… he said I was a freak just like Dean and that I…”

Gabriel started pulling at the antler more and more, until Balthazar put his own hand on top of Gabriel’s. The boy looked down, only now noticing he’d almost pulled the thing off. Again.

“Go on love,” Balthazar said quietly.

“That I should be admitted and that people like me shouldn’t be… shouldn’t be using people like you and Castiel and I just… well he’s right you know and I-“

“Stop. Stop right there. Using people like Cas and me? Honey, you know that’s not how this works.” Loki interrupted by leaping gracefully onto the kitchen island as if she agreed with her human. Balthazar just as quickly pushed her off again and she scowled at him, before slinking over to inspect her food bowl.

Meanwhile Gabriel had turned towards Balthazar and in a rare moment of physical contact (Gabriel never initiated hugs or cuddles when he was in his adult headspace) leaned against him, prompting Balthazar to open his arms. He was standing and Gabriel was on the bar stool, leaning into him, his face against Balthazar’s chest.

“I’ll ask you again love, did he hurt you?” Balthazar needed to know. He had a suspicion that he didn’t want to come true.

“I told him that I wanted him to leave me alone but he… he pushed me. And I saw Michael and I wanted to go to him, because Gordon, he… he scared me. He just looked so… so mad and I… I tried to go to Michael but then he pulled me back and I fell. He kicked me a couple of times but then Michael saw and he helped me. He gave Gordon a shiner… couldn’t even do that myself. Can’t even fight, I’m a baby in every way,” Gabriel mumbled.

Balthazar was furious. Furious at Gordon and furious at himself. How could he have missed the signs? Gabriel’s obvious discomfort and he hadn’t even noticed… of course being bloated or just having a simple stomach bug wouldn’t last four days… And to think someone touched his boy.

Someone hurt his babe. “Do you think you need to see a doctor? Has the pain lessened a bit?” Balthazar asked, dreading the answer. What if his boy had a cracked rib?

“No… I’m okay it’s getting less and I…” Gabriel gulped, and Balthazar knew the last fifteen minutes had been so terribly difficult for his boy.

“Regressing babe?”

“Yeah… but I don’t…”

“It’s okay…”

“Don’t… wanna… can’t… can’t…”

“Yes, you can. Daddy’s here now, I’ll make sure everything is okay.”

Gabriel took a few shuddering breaths and leaned heavily against Balthazar. “Ca… hurts… Daddy… hurts…”

Balthazar could feel his eyes welling up. He stroked Gabriel’s back slowly, then raised one hand to massage his nape. Gabriel curled into himself and his arms lost their strength. Balthazar acted quickly before the boy’s equilibrium was gone for the most part, hoisting him up until he was chest to chest with his boy, an arm securely under the boy’s bum.

“Da… hurt…” Gabriel managed to say, until all was left was non-descriptive babbling, sounds and what-should-be-words that didn’t make any sense.

Balthazar cooed and walked upstairs, fully expecting the warm trickle of urine to seep into his shirt. He didn’t even react to it anymore, it was natural and expected.

Walking into the nursery, he laid Gabriel down on the changing table and walked into his own room to wash his belly and change his clothes. Gabriel couldn’t roll over or turn when he was regressed to this state, which was a small blessing, but Balthazar still put a body pillow next to Gabriel, so he couldn’t roll off the dresser. His mental age was from 7 to 12 months, but sometimes his body regressed to something even younger. The babe could swat his arms, very weakly kick his legs, and of course eat like a caveman, but other than that he was pretty limited. Balthazar knew each of Gabriel’s regressions; mentally it would always be the same, but sometimes his body would be stuck more than other times. When they’d visited Dean, Gabriel was having a ‘good’ regression, being fairly in control and having good motor skills. When he regressed after something stressful, this wasn’t usually the case and that was what happened today. His heart ached for the boy; to be trapped inside your body like that was a horrible thing and he didn’t wish it upon anybody.

When he came back, Gabriel was looking around the room until his eyes locked on Balthazar’s figure. The boy managed a small smile and gurgled happily when Balthazar came close, getting his Little clothes from the drawers and putting on gloves to get his boy into a diaper. Gabriel had both a nursery and a normal, teenage room. If he had friends over the door to the nursery would always be shut, the only thing indicating his Little side being a wooden light blue ‘G’ nailed to the door, three white little clouds painted around it.

He never brought any of his friends in, except Michael, who’d only seen it twice. Once when Gabriel regressed while Michael was visiting, and once because Gabriel actually wanted to show him. Balthazar liked Michael; he was a good friend to Gabe. He reminded himself he should thank the boy for helping out when Gabriel was being attacked by Gordon.

Balthazar was humming when he pulled down Gabriel’s pants and boxers, taking the socks with them as he pulled the garments off his boy. He rolled his boy to one side to get him out of his long sleeve t-shirt and let out a stifled gasp when he saw the bruises littering the boy’s side. With trembling hands he pulled Gabe’s arm through the sleeve, then rolled the boy back. He pulled the shirt over Gabe’s head and his other arm, then threw the piece of clothing on the ground as he dared to look at Gabe’s torso. Three distinct marks; two definitely recognizable as shoeprints. They were muddled, dark green and purple mixed with an angry red. Two on his side and one in the middle, right under the boy’s belly button.

This man had kicked his son in the stomach while he was down; unable to defend himself. Gabriel didn’t ask for this. He was innocent, and this Gordon was a sick, sick man. Gordon was the one who should be admitted, not every poor Little.

How could Gabriel keep this to himself? Why hadn’t he come to Balthazar? Balthazar felt terrible, felt like he’d failed. His boy obviously didn’t trust him enough with this. Why would his babe have hidden it?

Shaking, Balthazar put on gloves and washed his boy, then put him in a diaper. He tried his best to keep Gabe’s discomfort low as he tried to get him into his onesie, but the boy whined when there was too much pressure on his tummy and Balthazar had to stop himself from whining along with him, feeling just as distraught.

After getting his boy dressed he picked him up, carrying him downstairs before sitting on the sofa, Gabriel perched between his legs and leaning heavily against him. Balthazar kept him steady with one hand and grabbed his phone, knowing he had a few calls to make.

The first was to Missouri, the only baby sitter he trusted with Gabriel, and who was like a mother to them both. She was supposed to come babysit tonight if Gabriel was regressed, because he had dinner with a few colleagues from work. Balthazar had more important things to do now; he wanted to stay home after seeing his boy so distressed and needy. That didn’t mean he didn’t want Missouri to come over, but he felt he wanted to warn her a bit before she came over. He needed to talk to her, needed her loving words and how she always seemed him to calm down.

As expected, Missouri told him she already knew he was going to call and that she’d come over this afternoon instead with some muffins so they could talk about ‘that evil man’. Balthazar hadn’t even mentioned Gordon, but he didn’t even blink anymore when she said something like that; she claimed to be a psychic and he kind of believed her.

The second call was to Castiel. He’d been planning on calling the other man anyway, but now it was a higher priority.  He didn’t want the same thing happening to Dean, even though Dean had a more sheltered life than Gabriel. Dean was constantly surrounded by adults, whereas Gabriel would go to and from school by himself and go out by himself a lot, too. They had a system for that and there would always be someone available should Gabriel need help if he regressed while he was out, but it still felt as if the boy was unprotected.

Dean was a kid even when he was in an adult headspace; something that intrigued Balthazar greatly. Dean was a relaxed and happy babe; he’d love for Gabriel to embrace his regressions like Dean did. Gabriel fought his regressions tooth and nail in the beginning and had only begun to loosen up these last couple of months, finally realizing he couldn’t fight them no matter what. His parents abandoning him still affected him greatly and Balthazar knew Gabriel was terrified that he would one day decide he didn’t want to be bothered, either. That was never going to happen, but only time would help reinforce that for Gabriel.

Castiel was shocked when Balthazar told him what happened; he gasped when he told him about the bruises littering Gabriel’s torso. Cas had been frantic afterwards, mumbling things about contacting the sheriff and talking about restraining orders.

To think that Balthazar hadn’t even told Castiel about his research yet; the stuff he’d found out about Gordon wasn’t pretty. He refrained though, not wanting the man to get stressed out even more. “Dean regressed right now?”

“No, he’s Big. He’s making pancakes, the house smells delicious,” Castiel replied. Balthazar was glad he could get Cas’ mind off Gordon for a bit. He didn’t want to end the call with something heavy like that resting over their head. Distractions were always a good idea.

“Now I want pancakes too! Alas, my little chap can’t eat them right now and it’s hard making them with just one hand – I like him snuggling up to me,” he confessed.

He heard Cas chuckle and he felt his stomach do a weird little flutter at the beautiful sound. He tried to ignore it. Castiel would never like him in that way, he was sure.

“Snuggling is the best part, isn’t it? You could never break them, they’re too big for that. I had a small baby in my arms once, I was terrified I’d cuddle to tight and just break a bone. You can’t with Dean, or Gabriel for that matter. The tighter the better.”

“Indeed,” Balthazar agreed. “I really am craving pancakes now.”

“Why don’t you come over tonight? We’ll heat some up and it is a good chance for Big Dean to meet Gabriel, too.”

His stomach didn’t do a triple axel when he heard the invite. It didn’t. He should probably decline. Missouri was coming over and he’d probably be knackered after that. Probably wasn’t a wise idea. “I’d love to.” Well, crap.

The conversation was interrupted when he heard Castiel’s doorbell through the phone. He heard Dean shout he’d get it and then Castiel asked him what time he could come over tonight.

They’d decided that 7pm would be best, which would give Dean about an hour to play with Gabriel or talk to Balthazar before his night time ritual started at eight. Balthazar was curious about the ritual, which apparently included two different bed time stories, tons of stuffed animals and something with a burrito. He didn’t know what a Mexican dish had to do with anything, but he’d find out tonight.

He was pulled out of his musings when he heard Castiel gasp and Dean screaming something.

“Daddy, down!”

“Dean, that’s Gordon!”

“Yeah, I kinda FIGURED when he came at me!”