This has been such a fun read, and I am so excited to see where you’re taking this. Zoey’s narration is so incredibly distinct and Zoey. In particular, I love the balance you’ve struck between softness, humor, and serious moments. You are a master of giving the heavy topics the space they need to breathe, but at no point did it drag down the lighthearted tone of this. I’ve read this over multiple times at this point, and I always find something new!
Zoey’s cypher is such a great example of how you weave together the different tones of the fic while keeping an overall positive momentum. As funny as her list is (and the fact that she narrowed it down from 62 options!), it also addresses the worst case scenario without dwelling. Zoey’s conclusions are logical with the information she has, and I love how her intelligence is as much a driving force here as her love for Rumi.
The hide your heritage aspect is a poignant point of empathy between Zoey and Rumi, and I adore how you’ve implemented it here. Tying it into the themes of hiding from outside scrutiny, being divided between worlds, and self acceptance is such incredible groundwork for the conversation to come, and it’s something only Zoey can do. I am always so in awe of how natural your character writing is.
I also wanted to highlight two sections for both the beautiful wording and the juxtaposition:
‘There she was. The riddle in question. She was wearing pink slippers, orange sleep pants with little stars and cats – of course – and a big grey hoodie – also of course. Her long purple hair was up in that protective dragon braid. Her skin was bare of make-up, and Zoey could see the faintest of dark circles under her eyes.
Rumi was still the most beautiful woman Zoey had ever laid eyes on. There was something about Rumi in these guarded unguarded moments that spoke of a vulnerability carefully curated. There was a paradoxy that clung to her frame as tightly as light clung to shadow, opposites pressing and chasing but never meeting. She would invite you into her garden time and time again; so filled with cultivated and distracting flowers of mistakes and flaws that you would forget you’d never been invited into her home.’
I just keep coming back to these two paragraphs over and over again. The construction of the words is so rhythmic, it hits a particular flow that hits just right. Add in the metaphors of light and shadow and misdirection through the garden, and this is an absolutely beautiful way to highlight Rumi’s inability to trust and her internal struggle. It also hits so much harder after that first paragraph because it’s silly. It’s mundane. It’s a simple description of Rumi’s usual appearance, and I think that only highlights that Rumi is always hiding. Zoey’s thoughts here aren’t just a realization, they’re a recontextualization.
The divergences between how the conversation would go between Mira vs. Zoey were so entertaining. Zoey immediately clocking Derpy under the blanket had me laughing, and her thought that it might be Jinu is even funnier. You do such a great job of keeping Zoey smart and logical even while coming to ridiculous conclusions. She’s looking at the evidence and sometimes she gets it exactly right! And sometimes she gets it hilariously wrong, but at no point does it feel forced or like Zoey is unintelligent.
Besides, it’s been proven Rumi has a tail now. Undeniably true and empirically tested.
Little points of characterization stand out as well. Zoey being frustrated by the lyric change but holding it in is such a good detail and very true to who she is. Rumi being resigned to say that all demons do is kill and destroy is heartbreaking, but an excellent portrayal of Rumi’s… Rumi-ness. I love that you use Zoey’s willingness to consider if there might be nice demons as a deliberate conversational tactic. Thank god for Zoey having emotional intelligence.
The talk itself is so sweet. Even when there are misunderstandings, there’s this outpouring of tangible love from both of them. They just love each other so much ugh how did you make this so soft and cute? At every turn they reassure each other, and even in silly moments like the coming out mix-up, the love is central. I could wrap myself up in this fic like a blanket. It’s so wonderfully soft and cozy.
Something I want to say that I appreciate so, so much is the focus on going at Rumi’s pace and on consent. The May I, You May exchange melts my heart every single time. I can’t stop thinking about how little choice Rumi has been allowed in her life. Being a Hunter, being an idol, hiding her patterns, everything that defines her as a person was never her choice. For perhaps the first time in Rumi’s life, she is allowed to say no. She chooses to take the chance anyway, but the fact that it is a choice is so incredibly important. More than anything else in this chapter, I adore that Zoey’s number one priority is supporting Rumi. No matter what it is, she wants to help build Rumi up, and it’s just another example of how well you show this incredible love between the two of them (even if it may not be romantic at the moment). The platonic love between them is just as, if not more important than any potential future romantic feelings.
In addition, the first thought section is perhaps my favorite part. The trickiest bit of any pattern reveal like this is that they’ve been trained to instinctively reject anything with patterns. There is no scenario in which either Zoey or Mira don’t have the first thought they were taught to have. Actions define a person, but that doesn’t stop the guilt from ingrained reactions. I love that it’s tied back to choices; Rumi chooses to reach back, and Zoey chooses to keep that hand extended, no matter what her first thought may have been. They have agency, and I think that’s such a fitting foundation for their relationship.
And of course, I had so much fun with the gay panic and the references. I was grinning throughout the chapter, and it fills me with such warm fuzzies.
Genuinely, thank you for sharing such a beautiful piece of writing. I am so excited for more, and I know there will be even more to chew on in the next chapter!
There really aren't words for how thankful I am for this comment - especially coming from the author of the inspiring fic. Might've been some tears. I'm so, so happy you enjoyed Chapter 1 and I hope you continue to enjoy Chapter 2.
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BigFigNewton on Chapter 1 Mon 20 Oct 2025 04:23PM UTC
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KoiFishSwimming on Chapter 1 Wed 22 Oct 2025 02:54AM UTC
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