Comment on An Amazon, a Kryptonian, and a Billionaire (and His Billion Children)

  1. Starshine_Seeker Fri 26 Jan 2018 11:05AM UTC

    A headshot of an androgynous person smiling at the viewer. They have toustled brown hair, freckles and heterochromic eyes. They are wearing a blue shirt and are standing in front of a gradient purple and pink background

    I’ve never read a fic that was wondersuperbat but ngl. I ship it. This was super cute, I really enjoyed all of the little bonding moments that you chose to write about. They all fit he characters really well. There were a couple of places where I think you could’ve changed your paragraphing to make certain lines stand out even more,* but aside from that it was structured well.

    Keep up the good work!

    *(I hope you don’t mind me suggesting >_< but) you could restructure the passage:

    He scoops an omelette and some toast onto his plate, but he barely touches it. Diana goes back to her story, and Clark asks Duke about his latest piece of poetry. It's so… domestic.

    Did he wake up in an alternate reality again?

    So then the first paragraph ends with a strong point and the following line has more emphasis since there isn’t a line by itself before it.

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    1. second_hand_heaven Fri 26 Jan 2018 11:13AM UTC

      Hey, thank you so much! Definitely appreciate the criticism, and will amend it in the morning. With so many scenes and snippets, I had some trouble with polishing up the structure, so I'm thankful for a fresh set of eyes.

      I just really love these three, and whether it's romantic or platonic, they need to be together. There's a distinct lack of poly!trinity fics on here, so I'm trying to help solve that!

      I'm so glad you liked it, and thanks again for the feedback <3

      -Nova xx

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