I knew I wanted to leave a comment on every chapter but I also know myself and didn't want to do That Thing I Always Do which is rush halfway through commenting on chapters, hit a mental wall on how to tell someone their words made me feel all the feelings in the world, and then get so stuck that before I know it's been months and I've left them hanging.
So I decided to write everything in advance so I could lay down a blast of comments!
But then that also took months, and I am so so so very sorry for that.
Without further adieu lets adieu this!
Okay. So. What I love the most about this first scene of Jamie in Qatar is- everything???
I have mentioned this to you before but settings are one of those things that some fic writers avoid and you are not one of them. Your people be going places, doing things, and I am forever cupping this part in the palm of my hands because what a fantastic place to drop us into the setting. Jamie, frustrated, stranded in a different country, all alone with none of his support people around him, feeling like the worst kind of failure in the world.
this is literally my favorite whump scenario and I am *losing my mind* about it.
"Jamie has homemade cards from Phoebe’s classmates displayed in his hotel room." THIS IS SO PRECIOUS???? And I love that Jamie is so close to the edge that he just knows if he hears Georgie, he's going to cry. Also Roy going over Jamie and asking Southgate directly what happened because the muppet wouldn't answer his calls? perfection I also adore this little detail about Jamie having trouble keeping names straight. That really adds to the tension that he's just not processing right now.
"The footballer shoves his phone in his pocket, scrubbing a hand down his face as they arrive at the hotel. He extracts himself from the car with Steve's help. Jamie thanks maybe-Steve at the door to his hotel room. Moving to the bathroom, Jamie gingerly removes the air cast boot, and it takes Olympic-level exertion to remove his pasted-on sweaty Three Lions kit. Jamie briefly wonders if he should’ve asked the bloke for help before waving him off but needing a near stranger's help to undress is an insult he’s not ready to face along with his injury.
Jamie takes a precariously balanced shower, trying to keep his weight off his broken foot as much as possible. The painkillers help some, but the injury is still painful. A physio knocks on his door, and Jamie quickly pulls on some shorts and a t-shirt before he opens the door, his hair dripping onto his shoulders. The man reviews the hospital's discharge papers, taking photos with his phone for their records, promising to forward everything to Richmond as well. The physio gives Jamie instructions on icing and elevating his foot before the flight home tomorrow, leaving ice packs with him that he can activate and discard."
This whole chunk here is like- I don't know how to put it, but stylistically this feels so real? The way it's written is so visually clean. I can see it playing out like a movie. Part of it I think is that the word choice is so dang good: extracting himself from the car, gingerly removing the air cast boot, the pasted on kit, the precarious balanced shower, the drippy hair, the hospital papers - sooo much detail punching me in the face, line after line.
"During the few moments Jamie manages to sleep, he dreams of his final match. It’s the same scenario that led to his injury, yet, in his dream, he lies on the pitch in pain and alone while his England team, his Richmond team, Georgie, Simon, Keeley, Ted and even his Dad stand around and stare. No one helps him. No one comforts him. No one tells him it’s going to be okay."
OUGH. This hurts so bad. What a wonderful first chapter this was, and I'm not even exaggerating a little when I say this whole opening lives rent free in my head
Comment on not to me, not if it's you
readwing on Chapter 1 Mon 08 Jul 2024 03:56AM UTC
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