His story is truly the tragedy of a rational person. For several chapters now, I haven’t said much about him because every time I think about him, it just hurts ;____; Poor Oberstein. He’s so lonely, yet he uses his cold demeanor and so-called rationality to mask that loneliness. Jokingly, you could say he “knows his place,” but honestly, it’s just too much self-doubt. From the very beginning, he felt unworthy of this relationship. And because he felt unworthy, he also felt deeply hurt.
I feel like he knows exactly what Reinhard needs. He knows Reinhard compares him to Kircheis, and he’s fully aware that he can never provide the things Kircheis could. He can’t even be the shadow of Reinhard’s “white moonlight,” and that makes him feel even more out of place and isolated.
Oberstein just wants a bit of warmth from Reinhard. This detail is heartbreaking. He doesn’t let anyone know he’s lonely. He hides behind his calm, stoic, and almost terrifyingly logical exterior. He sees himself as a tool serving Reinhard and the empire—which, tragically, strips him of any connection that feels truly human ;___; This façade is his way of avoiding the truth: that he does long for human connections but doesn’t believe he deserves them. =((((
Even in his relationship with Reinhard, he refuses to acknowledge it as a “relationship”; to him, it’s merely a temporary arrangement. He gets jealous, but he won’t allow himself to feel jealousy. He wants a moment of warmth but doesn’t dare hold on to it. That’s why, when Reinhard offered to “thank” him, Oberstein could only muster the courage to ask for a simple dinner. And even then, he immediately suppressed himself again, rejecting the idea of happiness as if he were inherently unworthy of it. =(((
When Oberstein is alone, his loneliness becomes most apparent. His austere room, with only Fritz the dog for company, perfectly reflects the emptiness within him. It feels like he doesn’t belong anywhere—not even in Reinhard’s life. And the root of this? He fears rejection, fears being replaced. That’s why he clings to temporary arrangements and avoids seeking anything permanent. He’s scared Reinhard will regret and abandon him. =((((
His loneliness and self-doubt are tangled into a vicious cycle: because of his self-doubt, he can’t open up or accept affection from others, which only drives him further into isolation. This prolonged isolation reinforces his self-doubt, making him believe even more strongly that he doesn’t deserve happiness or human connection. Yet it’s so clear he craves those bonds and wants to be acknowledged. =(((
I have a feeling you’re going to torment him more in the next chapter. =(((( Please don’t. =(((( Oberstein’s star is already so fragile. =(((((
Comment on And the stars are falling down
KatsuraHaruno on Chapter 9 Tue 17 Dec 2024 02:40AM UTC
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