Ok, I haven't finished reading the chapter yet. But I have some minor edits for you to take into account.
1. Change the word 'disdeeds' to 'misdeeds':
Ren and the rest of the thieves all stood loitering at the back of Ango Natsume's autograph signing panel for his book. When the whole group had reconvened to share what they had discovered from the masses, the group had shared tales not unlike that which they had learned during their investigation into Alice Hiiragi’s disdeeds: Between people no-showing, no-calling, or even ditching their jobs part way through to go and get more copies of Natsume’s book, people buying gifts for Natsume to the point where even the shopkeepers were concerned, and other authors giving up on their writing and deleting their social media accounts. There were very few people who, when talking about Ango Natsume, would actually talk about his book. They would just simply talk about how much they love and idolize him. However, for the few that actually did talk about the book, they have stated that Ango Natsume's writing style was very similar to how other authors would write their stories.
2. Change 'Natsume san' to 'Natsume-san' (with a dash in between):
“Calm down, Ryuji-senpai. If Natsume san is indeed the Monarch, then you can’t get too upset over how much attention he's getting.” Sumire said with a reassuring tone.
3. Insert the word 'rise' in-between 'to' and 'higher' and remove the comma after 'is':
The thieves have also heard from amongst the crowd that, apparently, Natsume started writing novels for a girl who is sick and bedridden in the hospital. Apparently, she always loved the stories he had to tell, and she continuously encouraged him to share his stories with the rest of the world. He hopes to see the success of his storytelling continue to higher and higher as the girl continues to fight for her life. The crowd just wouldn't stop going on and on about how much of a saint Natsume is, and how they're going to spread the word of Natsume and all of his good deeds.
4. Fix the word 'doesn't' (you forgot the 't' at the end of it):
“Yeah, even I'm gonna have to agree with Akechi on this one.” Ryuji added to the conversation. “The dude doesn' seem like the type to give a shit about anyone but himself.”
5. Remove the comma after 'writers':
“Oh, wow! This line here’s lifted from an anime from two years ago! The words got changed a bit, but that’s definitely it. Sneaky.” Futaba said as she continued to examine the book. “Hey, I think I’ve seen this one before too! And this one! Sheesh, this one too… Wait a minute! Is this whole book just a bunch of stuff he ripped off and strung together? If the original writers, or worse, their fans, ever saw this, there would be a freakin’ riot online, and Natsume would be canceled faster than blinking.”
6. Make the 'j' in 'Jail' capital:
"If only we knew the keyword, we could investigate the jail for ourselves.” said Haru.
7. Change the comma to a period after 'then' and insert a comma after 'Hasegawa':
“All right, then, I guess we should go ahead and wait for Inspector Hasegawa then.” Makoto declared.
8. Change the following from this:
“No matter how much praise your work receives, if it was built off the backs of others… well, then, you cannot truly call that praise your own. Those compliments will surely ring empty. Anyone in the arts should know this.” Yusuke explained.
To this:
“No matter how much praise your work receives, if it was built off the backs of others… then you cannot truly call that praise your own. Those compliments will surely ring empty. Anyone in the arts should know this.” Yusuke explained.
9. Change the following from this:
“What are you two doing? Let’s get going!” Makoto said.
“On our way, Makoto!” said Ren as he and Yusuke left the department store, the latter continuing to mull things over in his mind.
To this:
“What are you two doing? Let’s get going!” Makoto said.
“On our way, Makoto!” said Ren.
"My apologies, Ren. It wasn't my intention to hold you up." said Yusuke.
“It's alright. I appreciate you talking to me about this. But let's catch up with the others.” said Ren as he and Yusuke left the department store, the latter continuing to mull things over in his mind.
10. Make the 'j' in 'Jail' capital:
“Nice ride you got here.” said Zenkichi with a smile. “I also gotta say that I didn’t expect Sendai to be on the agenda. How’d you guys know there was a jail here?”
11. Change the following from this:
“Ah, yes.” said Zenkichi as his focus returned to the matter at hand. “Ango Natsume, right is certainly suspicious, all right. His book’s been selling like crazy, but get this: It’s only been selling that well here in Sendai. Everywhere else, most people say it’s worse than the Dusk Saga books… Still don’t understand what she sees in them…”
To this:
“Ah, yes.” said Zenkichi as his focus returned to the matter at hand. “Ango Natsume, right? Yeah, he's suspicious, all right. His book’s been selling like crazy, but get this: It’s only been selling that well here in Sendai. As for everywhere else, most people say it’s worse than the Dusk Saga books… Still don’t understand what she sees in them…”
12. Change the following from this:
Zenkichi nodded in understanding before speaking up. “Well, it's a good thing that things were quickly resolved… Also, Akechi-san has the right idea. Use brute force as an attempt to make Natsume spill the beans, and you will be arrested you for assault. You can ramble on and on about the Jails and the Metaverse all you want, but the best case scenario would be you getting locked up in a mental institution.”
To this:
Zenkichi nodded in understanding before speaking up. “Well, it's a good thing that things were quickly resolved… Also, Akechi-san has the right idea. Use brute force in an attempt to make Natsume spill the beans, and you will be arrested for assault. You can ramble on and on about the Jails and the Metaverse all you want, but the best-case scenario would be you getting locked up in a mental institution.”
“That’s where I come in.” said Zenkichi with a confident smirk on his face. “You’d better thank me for this later.
15. Insert a comma after 'one':
“Yeah, nice one Gramps!” said Ryuji.
16. Change 'though' to 'through' and insert a comma after 'through' upon changing 'though':
“Yeah, you really came though Gramps!” said Ann with a bright smile.
17. Insert a comma after 'you':
“I knew we could count on you Gramps-san!” said Haru.
18. Change the following from this:
Natsume just simply laughed at the question. “I'm afraid that's purely my own business… Truth, fiction, why would anyone care when it's the success rate of the art itself that matters? Surely you can recall Ichiryusai Madarame’s confession on live TV a year ago, about how he was stealing several of his apprentices art pieces. Before he started stealing works of arts, his signature piece was… Sorry, what was it called again?”
To this:
Natsume just simply laughed at the question. “I'm afraid that's purely my own business… Truth, fiction, why would anyone care when it's the success rate of the art itself that matters? Surely you can recall Ichiryusai Madarame’s confession on live TV a year ago, about how he was stealing several of his apprentices' art pieces. Before he started stealing works of art, his signature piece was… Sorry, what was it called again?”
19. Change the following from this:
With nothing more to say Yusuke walked back up to the group, and the group as a whole had all walked towards the building's entrance. Alone with his editors and the fresh memories of Yusuke's insult towards his work, Natsume couldn’t control the irritated breathing that was coming out from his nostrils and through his teeth.
To this:
With nothing more to say, Yusuke walked back up to the group, and the group as a whole had all walked toward the building's entrance. Alone with his editors and the fresh memories of Yusuke's insult toward his work, Natsume couldn’t control the irritated breathing that was coming out of his nostrils and through his teeth.
20. Change the following from this:
“Yusuke, what are you talking about?” Ren asked with a tilt of his head. “You held onto to your temper just long enough for you to get what we needed, and then you struck at the right time. You have nothing to learn, you do exactly as you should have.”
To this:
“Yusuke, what are you talking about?” Ren asked with a tilt of his head. “You held onto your temper just long enough for you to get what we needed, and then you struck at the right time. You have nothing to learn, man. You did exactly as you should have.”
Ok, that's it for the first set. There's still more coming.
“But Yusuke-senpai, you saw what Natsume had been doing when writing that book.” Sumire jumped into the conversation. “He has done nothing but steal several pieces of work from other people to just simply fill up the pages in a book he had no real desire in making. He's not even trying to be original… If anything, you were right when you said that creations with no emotions put into them can ever be called real art.”
To this:
“But Yusuke-senpai, you saw what Natsume had been doing when writing that book.” Sumire jumped into the conversation. “He has done nothing but steal several pieces of work from other people to simply fill up the pages in a book he had no real desire to make. He's not even trying to be original… If anything, you were right when you said that creations with no emotions put into them can ever be called real art.”
22. Change the following from this:
Akechi didn't say anything during the whole conversation. Instead, all Akechi could do was think back to what Yusuke said about the ‘Sayuri’, about it was made by Yusuke's own mother. The mere fact that Madarame would have the gall to steal something as personal as a mother's final gift to her child, just before she died, and use it to copy and sell to several other people for profit… It was absolutely sickening. It made Akechi’s blood boil how Madarame would dare do something like that to a dying woman. It made him think too much about his own mother… If Akechi could, he would gladly travel into the Metaverse and perform a mental shutdown on Madarame. Being allowed to continue living was just too good of fate for someone as horrible as Madarame.
To this:
Akechi didn't say anything during the whole conversation. Instead, all Akechi could do was think back to what Yusuke said about the ‘Sayuri’, about how it was made by Yusuke's own mother. The mere fact that Madarame would have the gall to steal something as personal as a mother's final gift to her child, just before she died, and use it to copy and sell to several other people for profit… It was absolutely sickening. It made Akechi’s blood boil how Madarame would dare do something like that to a dying woman. It made him think too much about his own mother… If Akechi could, he would gladly travel into the Metaverse and perform a mental shutdown on Madarame. Being allowed to continue living was just too good a fate for someone as horrible as Madarame.
23. Insert 'the' in-between 'to' and 'prince':
“Yeah, we finally have everything we need.” Ren confirmed. “Starting tomorrow, we storm the Jail and pay a visit to prince himself.”
24. Change the following from this:
“...Because Yusuke himself is an artist.” Ren explained. “When someone insults an art piece that you've put your heart and soul into making, and it's something you're so genuinely proud of, t's only natural that you would feel hurt… It hurts even worse when an art piece, like the ‘Sayuri’, is insulted, because that's just simply disrespecting the last thing that Yusuke's mother ever made. For Natsume to claim that it doesn't belong anywhere other than the trash, he is essentially saying that the love that Yusuke's mother had for her only child is nothing but trash.”
To this:
“...Because Yusuke himself is an artist.” Ren explained. “When someone insults an art piece that you've put your heart and soul into making, and it's something you're so genuinely proud of, it's only natural that you would feel hurt… It hurts even worse when an art piece, like the ‘Sayuri’, is insulted because that's just simply disrespecting the last thing that Yusuke's mother ever made. For Natsume to claim that it doesn't belong anywhere other than the trash, he is essentially saying that the love that Yusuke's mother had for her only child is nothing but trash.”
25. Insert a period after 'both':
“Honestly, it could also be a case of both It really all depends on the person.” Ren further explained. “In Yusuke's case, he was angry at Natsume for insulting the last art piece his mother created, and he now seems sad after calling Natsume’s book soulless drivel… Maybe Yusuke is able to sympathize with someone like Natsume because he understands the pain of being told that a work of art you really like is no good.”
And that's about it. It will take me a while for me to properly comment on this and give my thoughts. But for now. I hope what I put down helps with fixing some of your mistakes.
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