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Published:
2024-10-17
Updated:
2025-03-04
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2,912
Chapters:
2/?
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Be Gay, Do Crime (A Kaitou KID Philosophy)

Summary:

When a video of KID goes viral, many speculations about his sexuality are made. Kaito intends to share with the world what the truth is, after all, his beloved always says there is only one truth.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: Prologue

Chapter Text

It starts with a video, the common spark for all drama in the modern era of the internet.

Specifically, it starts with a video of the Kaitou KID, phantom thief extraordinaire whose bold heists filled with magic and wonder had captured the love and admiration of civilians worldwide and the hatred for every police force who have battled against him.

This video was only 1:26 minute long and a majority of the video was of the feet of a child as he walked home in the dark, gushing about his day. The unremarkable start to the video however is was what proved this video to be real and what the kid managed to capture cause the internet, especially the KID fandom, to explode.

At 00:43 seconds, the kid in the video jolts in place, his camera lifting from his muddy shoes to record the ally in front of him, capturing the forms of two men. One of the men was unremarkable in nature, dressed head to toe in black: clothes, shoes, cap, face mask, and would not have captured the internet's interest other than the odd person making memes over the man being about to commit a crime due to his get up (and being quite right about the assumption), it was his companion which what made the video blow up. An opposite to his friend, the other man was dressed head to toe in white, from his top hot and cape to his shoes, an outfit iconic to one person and one person alone. The young child had somehow managed to stumble across the Kaitou KID and his assistant after the end of a heist.

Now, while this in itself would make the kid the envy of those who knew him, it was not why he his video was viewed over a couple hundred million times. No, it is what the child managed to capture KID saying that had rocked his fandom and ignited the world's curiosity.

"Don't you think this was a little over the top?" his assistant spoke with a rasp, his voice muffled by the mask, yet the cloth was not able to muffle the exasperation in his tone.

The Kaitou KID chuckled in response, his voice airy and recognizable to all those who had heard him project his famous catchphrase at the start of a heist, "Of course not," he responded, the joy evident in his voice, "He was there, after all!"

His assistant shook his head and sighed so audibly it was picked up by the child's camera, "Did you really do all of that just for him?"

The soft smile on KID's face was visible despite the blurry quality of the camera and the low lighting of the alleyway, "Yes," he answered softly, "Of course I did."

The video cuts soon after this moment as the child who had been recording made a noise that alerted both men of his presence which made him run away in fear, but he had captured enough.

The video was posted online the very night it had been captured, becoming viral in moments and, as stated earlier, setting the fandom of the Kaitou KID alight.

Hashtags related to Kaitou KID were trending all over popular social media as his fans consumed this new lore like sharks do to corpses in movies.

Out of all the hashtags trending though, only two could claim the crown as most used: #KIDisgay #WhoisKIDsboyfriend

Arguments using these tags appeared everywhere on every social media that used them varying from an outcry of support for KID’s sexuality, to people condemning it in ignorant disgust, or his many fangirls and boys crying from their idol seemingly being taken.

Then the theories started: who exactly was KID’s boyfriend?

 

KIDsgreatestfan141214121412: I bet it’s that handsome British detective, Hakuba Saguru! He was attending that heist!

               KIDkissesboyshon: No way! KID is way too old for him! That would be creepy! He’s only a teenager and KID is believed to be in his 40s! KID-sama wouldn’t be like that! It’s probably someone on the task force!

               MysteryLover5637824: It wouldn’t be if this isn’t the same KID from all those years ago.

               IwantKaitouKIDtoruinme: If it was someone on his task force, surely he would be pulling heists like that all the time?

                              KIDkissesboyshon: His heists are always incredible! What do you mean?

                                             IwantKaitouKIDtoruinme: They are but for some heists he puts on a much bigger show than usual. I guess we know why now 😉

Noone<3KIDmorethanme!: I bet it’s someone he asks to watch. He always draws a massive crowd after all.

               I<3KIDmorethanyou: That’s true! Whoever it is though is one lucky person T-T

MarrymeKID428438291: I refuse to accept that KID-sama is taken!

GaylikeKIDsama: It’s probably inspector Nakamori… I mean the inspector is obsessed with KID and KID-sama does like to mess with him for fun.

               MysteryLover5637824: Doubt it, the inspector has a wife and kid.

                              GaylikeKIDsama: His wife passed away years ago and you can’t tell me the inspector’s obsession isn’t fuelled by homoromantic feelings in some way.

                                             MysteryLover5637824: I’d rather not theorise the sexuality of real people for fun.

                                                            GaylikeKIDsama: Then why are you here, dumbass?

 

To say the theories KID’s fans have come up with were wild was an understatement really and Kaito was having the time of his life reading through the many threads on social media about them. In fact, as he thumbed down a thread discussing his sexuality, he couldn’t help the snort that escaped his nose at some of the comments and, being the troll that he is, he also couldn’t help but join in.

 

Dumbchucklefuckergal: KID isn’t gay dumbasses. He’s then gentleman thief for a reason because he’s always flirting with women!

 

Kaito rolled his eyes at that. Yes, he always tried to treat women with respect and sometimes played into their fantasies of being swept of their feet by a dashing stranger but that doesn’t mean he’s straight. He’s going to have to flirt with more men in more obvious way it seems.

 

Dumbchucklefuckergal: KID isn’t gay dumbasses. He’s then gentleman thief for a reason because he’s always flirting with women!

               KisstheKID4869: That doesn’t mean he’s straight. I mean, he does like to cross-dress…

 

Kaito grinned as he pressed send. It was amusing how often people ignored that his favourite disguises often happened to be women. Sure, it helped that the inspector often didn’t pinch the cheeks of women present due to old-fashioned courtesy, but Kaito also knew he rocked a dress and a skirt and being KID let him wear them without the backlash he would get if he were to wear them in his everyday life. It was the best of both worlds.

It warmed his heart to see the reception people have to his perceived sexuality, though. He really didn’t expect such an outcry for support when that video went viral, if anything he feared the scorn he would face for even implying that he could be queer in any way.

It gave Kaito confidence to show more of who he truly is to the world.

But first he had to correct some misconceptions his fandom has. As he scrolled through the threads theorizing who exactly Kaito was talking about in the video, he began to plan his next heist with the intention of sharing with the world who exactly he loves to dazzle with his magic.

He couldn’t have his dear Tantei-kun believing he had someone else, now, could he?

Chapter 2

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The article dropped when Shinichi is asleep.

With the adrenaline and euphoria from a KID heist faded and a bone deep tiredness taking it’s place, Shinichi had passed out immediately when he finally returned home and so he did not witness the internet set itself on fire when the video of Kaitou KID was released for the public’s entertainment.

When he woke up the next morning, he expected to see the news headlines filled with praise for KID’s victory or for the consolation praise Conan often receives for trying his hardest to catch the thief. So as he headed out of his shared bedroom and into the living room and sat down on his pillow at the low table and waited for Ran to bring him his breakfast he could already smell her cooking from the small kitchen, he did not bother to turn on the TV until he had a semblance of self and a belly full of warm food knowing that it wouldn’t say anything of too much interest until the hype of a heist had died down.

Because of this oversight, he was not prepared for when Sonoko burst into the house with a wail that resembled more of a cry from a dying cat than a teenage girl.

“RAN!” Sonoko screeched, uncaring of the small eardrums she had just burst with her unholy crying as she stumbled her way into the kitchen, “RAAAAANNNNN!

If it was anyone else, Shinichi would be alarmed at the show of dramatics. However, as this was a normal state for Sonoko to be in, Shinichi just grumbled under his breath about the noise and went back to staring listlessly at the table in his morning daze as he waited for Ran to deliver his breakfast.

That was until Sonoko sobbed out the magic words.

“I-It’s K-K-K-KID!”

Like lightning, Shinichi’s head whipped towards the kitchen.

The fog from waking up had faded from his mind, replaced by the presence of moonlight white and calming blue, and Shinichi was out of his seat and standing in the doorway to the kitchen before he even realised he had stood up.

Sonoko was crying into Ran’s shoulder as Ran awkwardly consoled her friend.

Shinichi felt his stomach drop in concern.

Yet even as he geared up to hear the bad news, he could never have predicted what Sonoko sobbed out next.

“H-Hic-He’s t-t-t-tak-k-ken!”

It took Shinichi a moment to realize what Sonoko had just said. It took him even longer to realize the knot in his stomach from his previous concern for his rival had not faded.

Unaware of Shinichi’s own personal crises, Sonoko continued to cry her heart out to Ran, who unlike Shinichi, was no longer concerned for her friend or the thief and was now looking down at Sonoko in exasperated sympathy as she tried to calm her distress.

“A-Apparently h-he has a b-b-b-boyfriend!” Sonoko whimpered.

For some reason, the news made Shinichi feel even worse.

Like a zombie, he stumbled back over to the table where his phone had been abandoned until he was more awake and flipped it open, mindlessly typing in KID’s name into the search and stumbling across the hundreds of articles that were mimicking Sonoko’s heartbroken sobs.

Kaitou KID, Gay?

Who is the mystery man who has claimed KID’s heart?

The video that has taken the KID fandom by storm!

An unexpected ally?

Shinichi opened one of the articles and found the video that had sparked the hysteria and clicked play.

"Of course not, he was there, after all!"

"Did you really do all of that just for him?"

"Yes, of course I did."

The world around him turned to white noise as his mind replayed over and over again what he had just watched.

The articles weren’t exaggerating, whoever KID was talking about, it was clear the person was dear to his heart. The way he spoke about him was so… soft. So unlike anything Shinichi had seen from KID before.

It made his stomach ache.

He didn’t register when Ran lead a still whimpering Sonoko to the table and began to console her with some breakfast, nor when she placed his own plate of food down in front of him.

In fact, he only noticed her presence when she softly called his name to get his attention.

“Conan-kun,” Ran spoke to him like she was speaking with a wounded animal, “You should eat, you’re a growing boy.”

Even though such comments usually bothered him greatly to be reminded that he was trapped in a body much younger than he should be, he barely felt the sting of it over the ache that had developed in him from the news.

He reluctantly began to eat, however, if only to not cause Ran concern.

Why was he so bothered by the news anyway?

 

It was only when he was on his way to school, absorbed to his phone as he thumbed through article after article, and was about to part with Ran and Sonoko that he was provided with an answer to that question.

Shinichi had walked a distance away from Ran and Sonoko but he still overheard their conversation when they thought he was far enough away to no longer hear them.

“What’s wrong with the brat?” Sonoko asked, in the same callous tone which implied she wasn’t really too interested but was bothered all the same.

“Same as you, I think,” Ran answered here and it took all of Shinichi’s will power not to stop and make is obvious he was listening, “I think hearing the news must have upset him. He must be jealous of whoever it is KID designs his heists for.”

Wait.

…

What?!

 

Shinichi wasn’t jealous?!

So what if KID might be gay?! So what if he made his best heists for one person in particular?! Good for them, he says!

So what if his stomach twists because of the thought KID might be dating someone? It was just because he can’t believe someone is actually flirting using a goddamn heist! Yeah, that was it! I mean, how reckless can you be?! It’s just asking to be caught by the police!

But that doesn’t mean he’s jealous!

If anything, it just made Shinichi’s job of capturing the obnoxious thief even easier! That’s why he’s been studying the threads and forums on social media discussing the situation like a college student cramming for their finals and why he was currently skimming through a thread about how Hakuba Saguru was definitely the person KID was flirting with as knots formed in the pit of his belly at every logical point about why he was-

But.

He.

Wasn’t.

Jealous.

“Conan-kun? What are you doing?”

Shinichi startled and dropped his phone, making it skid against the concrete towards the shoes of the Detective Boys who he hadn’t even heard approach him.

Ayumi, Genta and Mitsuhiko were looking at him in concern while Ai reached down and picked up Shinichi’s fallen phone.

Her eyes rolled when she saw the content and Shinichi felt his cheeks redden involuntarily, much to the growing concern of the trio still studying Shinichi in worry.

“You don’t look so good,” Mitsuhiko commented, “Are you okay?”

Shinichi opened his mouth to answer but before any words could form, Ai was huffing a laugh and holding out his phone for him to take back.

“He’s fine,” she said, “He’s just had a visit from the green-eyed monster.”

Genta, always one to take Ai’s words so literally began to chant about a case while Ayumi and Mitsuhiko looked between the two shrunken teenagers with concern-laced confusion, aware they were missing something but not entirely sure what it was they were missing.

Shinichi barely managed to contain the words he wanted to bite back at Ai, only managing to do so because he didn’t want to have to deal with the kids also pestering him about the situation. Instead he snatched his phone from her hands and angrily shoved it back into his pocket.

“Ignore her,” he said instead, shooting a glare at Ai who just brushed it off with an amused smirk, “I was just looking at the news, there’s been some serious cases happening recently.”

Changing the topic to the news had been a bad excuse however as Ayumi’s eyes lit up in excitement.

“Have you heard the news about KID?” She asked, clasping her hands in front of her like she was performing a prayer, “He’s in a relationship and designs his heists for them! How romantic!”

Ai looked like she was struggling to contain her laughter as Shinichi felt his eye twitch.

“I heard.” He answered curtly, “He would be insane enough to do that. However he’s just making it easier for the police to capture him.”

Ai shot a sly look in Shinichi’s direction, the smirk on her face making him clench his fists as he prepared for more of her unnecessary comments, “Perhaps he wants to be caught?” she commented, “The common consensus is that he’s either dating or trying to date one of the detectives who turn up at his heist.”

Shinichi’s hand instinctively twitched towards his pocket, where his phone was still displaying the thread about how Hakuba Saguru was the detective in question.

“I heard people say it’s someone he invites to the heists!” Mitsuhiko spoke up and soon the trio of children were in a heated discussion about KID’s love life just like the rest of the internet had been for the past day or so after the release of that video.

Shinichi drowned them out as he pulled out his phone from his pocket, looking at the latest set of internet gossip he had been reading previously and trying to ignore the emptiness that grew in him as he read more and more about who KID could be in love with.

So engrossed with his phone, he missed the way Ai sighed in his direction and mutter “Idiot,” under her breath.

Notes:

So so so sorry for the wait. I was having trouble putting this chapter together and I'm still not the most pleased with it BUT I am tired of editing it so I'm just going to share it and then regret that decision.

Here is Shinichi being a complete idiot and in denial.

Notes:

Some people struggle with titles. I struggle with tags. How do people know what to tag?! Urgh, anyway, I hope you enjoyed the beginning of this dumb idea of mine! Keep an eye out for an update.