Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Satella couldn’t bear to watch her beloved suffer like this anymore. Subaru Natsuki, forgotten by the world and those he loved in it, was caught in a hopeless death loop. She had hoped that with time he would find the path out, but instead every path he took led him deeper into despair. Every start began in that dungeon. Every divergence started with him exiting it, broken down more with every restart. Every choice he made never left him satisfied, never made him whole. He managed to maneuver through the torture and interrogations for what had been months for his captors, but literal years for the once cheerful knight. To her utter despair, it hadn’t been enough. No matter what he did it ended the same sooner or later.

Misery. Rage. Insanity. Death. Brutal, painful, and merciful death.

It infuriated the Witch of Envy.

Using her power with a rare moment of lucidity, she plucked this Subaru from such a hellish timeline and cradled the catatonic boy close. Gone was the boy she loved, loved for centuries, for this husk was her nightmare made flesh. His hair was white atop a gaunt, pale face littered with scars and a hollow eye socket. In his mouth, his tongue had been branded and scarred as a torture unique to this last loop. Each of these were permanent markings now, a reminder to him and all how he had purposely angered his captors out of hopeless spite, even if he’d suffered far worse torment before being healed by the damn cat boy.

Tears fell from her eyes to mix with the blood on his ravaged face. He never deserved this.

They do.

Satella whispered with a shuddering breath into his torn ear, “I… love you.”

His one good eye began to refocus but gained sudden clarity just before the screaming started.

“No! No, no, no, please!” Subaru began to sob and shriek as he shoved Satella away. They boy collapsed on to the writhing shadows and clawed at his hair, face, and arms as he cried in the most broken, deranged voice the Witch had ever heard from him. “Please, just let me die! Let me die! Not again, notagainnotagainnotagainnotagainnotagain-“

“I love you.”

“Stop!”

“I love you.”

Subaru glared at the Witch and screamed with so much venom he tasted his own blood. “I hate you! I hate you, you psychotic bitch!”

Satella paused as Subaru continued to scream profanities at her. Her lips trembled as her split personality warred inside her, but she managed to mutter the words that had been carved into her heart. Words she needed him to understand.

Words that would end his suffering.

“I… I hate… them.”

Subaru didn’t hear her amidst his breakdown, so she said it again.

“I hate… them… I hate them… I hate them! I hate them! I hate them! I hate them!” Each time her shouts grew louder. What started as a quiet whimper became her own hysterical declaration to the madness that consumed them both. Before long, the Witch’s cries silenced his own. The boy curled up in the fetal position and covered his ears as if clinging to the last shreds of himself.

“IHATETHEMIHATETHEMIHATETHEMIHATETHEMIHATETHEM!” Satella fell to her knees beside Subaru and gripped her head in agony, only to be brought back to the present by his whisper.

“I hate them…”

Satella was as still as stone and silent as the grave.

“I hate them… I hate them so much… Why? Why did this happen? What did I do so wrong?” Subaru muttered to no one in particular. “Why can’t I…?”

He didn’t feel or react to Satella’s hands on his body as she gently lifted him to place his head on her lap. Soft, icy fingers caressed his hair and stroked his cheek with delicate affection. If she was bothered by his tears dampening her skirt, she didn’t show it.

Subaru stared into the void with his remaining eye. His reality wasn’t the shadow garden around him, but the hell inside his head. A hell that, no matter what he did, demanded to be unleashed into the world. It consumed him in every loop, in one form or another, until he was killed or died by his own hands. Something couldn’t be fixed inside him. He wanted to deny it, but he simply couldn’t anymore. It was all he had left in him.

“I hate them… I hate them all.” The broken teen grabbed a fistful of Satella’s dress and grit his teeth. He wanted it all to go away. His pain, his memories, his heart, even himself. Natsuki Subaru was a failure, too weak and stupid to change his fate. A failure condemned to suffering…

Maybe it was time to use it.

“…Satella.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“Then send me back.” Subaru said darkly around a lump in his throat. “I hate them. I want them to know… just a piece… of the hell they have put me through.”

Satella whispered with a shaky smile, “Hate them…”

“Send me back. I’ll find a way… to make them see.”

“I… Hate them…” Satella watched as Subaru composed himself as best he could and sat up with a dead gaze.

Her beloved was broken. This timeline had failed… But she knew his heart. Even at his darkest, he could hold on to the tiniest of hopes. It was his greatest strength and worst enemy. So, she knew what she had to do now. She had to help him and…

Let his Love become their destruction.

Satella rose from the floor as a grin split her beautiful features. With a wave of her hand, she set the stage for their retribution. Several figures rose from the shadows and slowly solidified. They each had a connection to Subaru, one beyond his own understanding. 

The first figure stood with his eyes were closed, as if in stasis, but even asleep this one looked… Wrong. Haunted.

Satella reached with shadowy hands into the sleeping man’s chest and pried something free before that monster and another dissolved back into shadows. In Satella’s grasp was an amalgamation of gnashing teeth and writhing tongues, which she offered to her one eyed beloved.

Subaru stared at the disgusting thing for a moment but ultimately felt that it was useless to question the Witch. What did it matter, anyway? It's not like he held any regard for himself. He took the creepy object and felt it devour its way into his palm and up his arm. The pain drove him to his knees, but subsided when it nestled down in his body. Without a doubt, Subaru knew what the hell that thing was.

The Authority of Gluttony.

Subaru nearly broke down in hysterical laughter at the irony.

As he scanned one of the remaining figures over, a girl, he noted that she could be his twin sister. They had the same nasty eyes and dark hair, but her hair cascaded down her back. She wore a beautiful fiery red, orange, and black gown that complemented her slim figure. On her hip was a whip, but unlike Subaru’s, this one was black with sinister barbs at the end. The scowl on her young face was downright spiteful.

Satella guided him to lick his hand and then place it atop her head. When he did, he felt an influx of a lifetime of happy memories. He was able to put the pieces together in his mind. This girl was Natsumi Schwartz, the Sin Archbishop of Pride who brought Lugunica to its knees in order to bring glory to and uplift Reinhard van Astrea out of a twisted sense of Love.

He couldn’t contain his laughter anymore.

“I was tortured… For y-years… Because everyone thought I was… Pride!” Subaru cackled. “And yet… and yet…!” A shadowy hand caressed her face before plunging into the girl’s chest before she and Subaru became engulfed in darkness.

He couldn’t help but grin as the countless ways he was going to get his revenge flashed through his mind. Oh, it was going to be wonderful, joyous, therapeutic! Screw this world. For far too long he had been it’s plaything. Now, it was going to be his playground. Subaru couldn’t wait, his brain was trembling with excitement.

The last thing he heard was Satella’s farewell.

“I love you.”

Far from Priestella, there was a boy waking up in the most comfortable bed he’s ever laid on, unaware of how he got there. As he sat up and groggily wipes the sleep from his eyes, he then winces at the sharp pain in his side. After lifting his shirt, he noticed his torso was covered in bandages. Suddenly wary of his surroundings, he tried to make sense of where he was. If the orange sunlight coming in from gaps in the curtains was any indication, then it was either sunset or sunrise. He didn’t recognize the room either…

“Where the hell am I?”

He carefully checked himself over again and other than the bandages, he seemed fine. At least there is that… If he was awakened to being chained to the bed, that would have sent all the wrong signals. Maybe he could talk his way out of this. Maybe they wanted something from him…

Really, though, what did he have to offer anyone and why would someone kidnap him? Surely whoever this person is, they must be nice, right? They treated his wounds, after all.

Unless they're the ones who hurt me to begin with.

Damn it all. He tried to rationalize everything he knew about his current situation, telling himself that surely wherever he was safe. Right? Surely...

No, something was wrong. It felt like a clawed hand gripped the back of his mind. He couldn’t calm down, as if he knew there was danger nearby. He decided to trust his gut regardless and got out of bed quietly to search the room. There was a writing desk with a wooden chair, a set of drawers, and a nightstand with a vase of yellow and white daisies. He found a letter opener, several quills, ink wells, and parchment. There was only a single door to the room, but every horror story had that one idiot who tried to take the obvious route and died. 

He slipped the letter opener into his sleeve and picked up the vase. Felt heavy enough… Maybe he could knock the guy out and run when he was down? Hopefully the daises in the vase weren’t a foreboding omen.

Out the window, he could see a well-manicured lawn, stone walkways, and a pristine fountain. It looks like whoever owned this place was rich… and put him in a room four stories high. Damn, what the hell was going on?!

As he was contemplating making a rope out of bedsheets, a quiet knock came from the room’s lone door. The boy froze and waited. Nothing happened so he breathed a sigh of relief.

Then someone knocked again.

He tiptoed towards the door and lifted the vase above his head. Here they come.

“H-Hello? Are you a-awake?”

Okay, whoever that was sounded timid… and feminine. And quite cute. It kind of made him want to answer her. Wait, should he? He didn’t need to, because after a few seconds she spoke again.

“I’m… I’m coming in.” The voice said much more quietly, as if afraid to wake him.

The door opened slowly, and a girl slipped in. When their eyes met, both went still. It was strange. This girl had shoulder length blue hair, pale porcelain skin, and dark circles under gorgeous blue eyes. Not to mention, she was dressed in an adorable maid outfit. The way she looked at him made him uncomfortable, like a ghost who just saw another ghost. Her mouth hung open, unable to speak the words that apparently were stuck in her throat. Yet, the sight of this strange girl stole his breath away. Something in his chest moved for her, but he didn’t know what or why.

Varying emotions played across their faces. For her, it was bittersweet joy and shame behind a wall of apprehension. For him, it was stunned silence and mild confusion. The boy forgot any suspicions he may have had when faced with such a vulnerable looking beauty. He gulped audibly, and for reasons he couldn’t explain, said the dumbest thing that came to mind.

“So cute…” He breathed.

For whatever reason, that broke the dam for the blue haired maid. Her quivering lips parted into a deep sob as fat tears gathered in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. Before anything else was said, she ran to him and buried her face into his chest. Her hands clung to his black shirt like a lifeline, so much so that he nearly lost his balance when they collided.

His face turned many shades of red. Why was she crying? Did he do something wrong? Maybe she thought he was going to hit her with the- oh, right, he still had the vase above his head. Should he…?

“Uh, I’ve got this-“

She must have read his mind, because without looking she reached a hand up to lift the heavy vase out of his reach and dropped it behind her. It shattered into a dozen pieces around those poor forgotten daisies atop the now damp carpet.

The surprisingly strong maid wrapped her arms around his neck and nuzzled his exposed skin. Her soft skin and delicate scent set his nerves aflame. What was he supposed to do with his arms? They were still above his head because he didn’t know what to do with them.

“I’m… I’m so… sorry!” The girl mumbled against his neck in between sobs.

Wait… Why was she sorry? What the heck was going on?

Slowly, the tomato red boy lowered his shaking arms and held the sobbing girl. She responded by pressing against him even more, if that was even possible, and he felt every curve of her body against him. It agitated the pain in his side, but he kept his mouth shut. At this point, he was sure his heart was going to give out.

“What are you…?” He wondered aloud.

“Please… please don’t leave Rem alone again!”

Leave her… Again?

“…Hk!”

Pain like a bolt of lightning arced through his skull and erased all the thoughts from his mind. He grimaced and would've doubled over if not for the maid who held him close. She pulled away to stare at his face in a frantic search to identify what hurt him. Rem caressed his cheeks and brushed a few stray hairs from his face while struggling to control her own torment.

“REM!” Someone shouted as the door burst open.

The crying Rem gasped as someone tried to pry her off him. She flung her arms around his neck again and tried to shake off the other person while sobbing out protests. Finally, she was forced to let go to keep from hurting him. Rem was spun around and pulled into a tight, loving embrace where she continued to fall apart in an identical looking girl’s arms.

He held his arms up and away from the twin girls. He figured it was best to let this play out, no matter how confused he was. The pain had subsided, and at least now he knew the blue maid’s name.

Rem.

As the pink, short haired twin consoled her sister, she fought back tears of her own. Like a good sibling, she let Rem wail as much as she needed. When she addressed the third person in the room, her expression was stony if not cold.

“Ba-… Please excuse Ram’s sister. Rem’s not… feeling well.”

He waved his arms in front of him in a placating gesture. “Hey, no problem!” Chuckling nervously, he scratched his cheek and added, “I’m sorry if I did something to cause this…”

“… You’re ‘sorry’?” Ram stared at him in disbelief as she comforted her sister. Her entire body tensed up and she bit her lip hard enough that she drew blood. So many things she wanted to say, and so many more she wanted to do. Instead, she growled out, “N-No, you…”

Sensing a rising hostility in the pink twin, the boy took a step back and began to sweat a bit. He tried to smile at the girl to disarm the situation, but he felt too awkward to know what to say. Instead, he decided to diffuse the situation directly.

“I’m sorry… Rem.” The maid whipped around to face Subaru. Her sobs had ceased, but her red and puffy eyes were so full of hurt and pain that it hurt his heart. Whatever happened, he knew he had to be responsible somehow. “If there is anything I can-“

“NO!” Ram shouted so harshly that if left him feeling cauterized. When Rem tried to return to him, she was stopped by Ram’s iron grip. “Sister, please stop!”

“Whoa, whoa, it’s okay!” Subaru pleaded with the broken maid as she cried silent tears and held on to his every word. He had to fix this, somehow, get her on his side. “I didn’t… Rem, I am so sorry.”

Rem wiped at her tears and fought to keep herself still. A whirlwind of emotions had overtaken her and now she was a blubbering mess. It should have been embarrassing, but she didn’t have the strength to care. They had already seen each other at their worse, and how could she be anything but just overwhelmed when HE was so close?

She buried her face in her hands to get a hold of herself. This wasn’t how she wanted to see him again after all this time.

“W-Wait, stop-“ Ram warned, but it was too late.

A gentle hand rested atop Rem’s head.

The ghostly girl with the blue eyes slowly raised her head in disbelief. There he was, grinning with as much confidence and care as he could muster. She knew that to him, it probably seemed like nothing. But to Rem…

It meant life itself.

“I hate seeing a pretty girl like you cry. If it helps, feel free to cry on my shoulder anytime!” He chuckled awkwardly. “That, uh heh, sounded a lot better in my head…”

But Rem could only smile so brightly that it made the boy’s heart skip a beat.

“Thank you… Subaru.”

Ram had enough of this twisted nonsense. She stomped forward to shove the boy’s hand away but stopped herself when she saw Rem’s smile. It was the first real smile she’d seen on her twin in a year, and it radiated the purest, most heartbreaking joy in its vulnerability.

She knew she should have watched Rem more closely. She should have pulled her from the room the moment she found her here. Part of her hated ‘Subaru’ for deciding now to give Rem her smile back, especially when she knew it wouldn’t last. It couldn’t last.

Because ‘Subaru Natsuki’…

“What are you two doing in here?”

Everyone turned to face the newest speaker. Just in the doorway was a tall, well built young man wearing a white uniform of a long coat and pants with a black under shirt. On his hip was a large sword. Though the man was outwardly calm, his voice hinted at his displeasure. Ram and Rem noticeably stiffened then looked to the ground in defeat.

“Reinhard…” Ram muttered.

“H-Hey, please don’t be upset with them.” Subaru said as he stepped around Rem and addressed Reinhard. Like her protector. He smiled nervously and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “They weren’t bothering-“

“That’s not the point!” Reinhard cut in harshly, which made everyone flinch. It looked like he instantly regretted his outburst, but he still cleared his throat and said, “These two… They shouldn’t be in here, regardless. You and that little girl were… badly injured.”

Little girl? What little girl? Subaru pushed it from his mind for the time being.

“Oh… Okay, but I feel fine now, so no harm no foul, right?”

Surely he could placate this guy. Surely... He didn't want to think what that big sword could do to him, but he couldn't do nothing either.

Reinhard seemed taken aback by Subaru’s words. He looked miserable. When his shoulders fell, Subaru just seemed confused why he seemed so defeated. He appeared to be racking his brain for answers when Reinhard startled him.

“If you’re feeling up to it… C-Can we please talk? There are a lot of people that… that want to see you.” Reinhard asked with downcast eyes. It was obvious he was struggling with something, which Subaru noticed immediately.

“Uh, y-yeah, no problem.” Subaru said awkwardly.

The way Reinhard looked up at Subaru was pitiful. It was like Subaru had just declared he was going to spare Reinhard’s life. Maybe, in a way, he was.

“Y-Yes, thank you, Subaru! I’m sure you’re hungry, so please allow me to have the staff fix you dinner! I’ll return when it’s ready, so please make yourself at home!” Reinhard said excitedly. He gestured for Rem and Ram to follow him. “Come along, Miss Ram, Miss Rem. Let Subaru rest.”

“A-Actually, Reinhard, can I… get a t-tour?” Subaru asked as he nervously fiddled with his sleeves, the letter opener feeling like a pathetic means of escape now. “I’m feeling a bit… cooped up.”

Something about what he said made all three of his caretakers pale and freeze in place. Ram bit her lip while Reinhard’s face fell. Both he and Rem’s eyes teared up as she looked up at Subaru worriedly. He could tell she wanted to hug him again, but he didn’t understand what their problem was. To put them at ease, he smiled at Rem to reassure her, but she still seemed conflicted. Ram watched Rem and Subaru carefully, but her sister wasn’t paying her any mind.

“Y-Yes, h-how stupid of me… I’m so sorry, S-Subaru, I should have thought of that…” Reinhard said as he wiped at his eyes and straightened up. “Please, let me give you the grand tour of our home.”

“S-Subaru…?” Rem clasped her shaking hands together in front of her chest.

“I’ll be with… Reinhard. Don’t worry, Rem. I’ll see you again soon.” He grinned and gave her two thumbs up, but it didn’t completely hide his uncertainty.

“M-Maybe I should…” Rem started but was silenced when Ram put a hand on her shoulder.

“Rem, maybe you can help make our guest dinner. Let’s give him some space.”

Rem’s eyes twinkled at Ram’s suggestion, but she looked to Subaru was if asking permission. He patted her head again, which put her at ease. She smiled at him one last time and quietly left with Ram for the kitchen. When she looked back over her shoulder at him, as if making sure he wouldn’t vanish into thin air, he gave her two thumbs up again and a goofy grin until they were gone.

He kept that pose for a little while, until he dropped the act and sighed. Now it was just him and Reinhard, who was smiling sadly at him. He didn’t want to be ungrateful to the people who apparently patched him up. Even so, there was something bothering him.

Reinhard caught him off guard when he worriedly asked, “How is your wound, Subaru?”

“O-Oh, uh, I feel fine. Is that… That little girl is okay, right?”

“Yes!” Reinhard said. “We were able to get a healer here in time to save both of you. She said it wasn’t as bad as it looked, but you… you really scared us, Subaru.”

Subaru blinked at Reinhard’s barely controlled emotions. It was weirding him out.

“So, can I ask you a question?” Subaru asked.

“A-Anything!” Reinhard said apprehensively. He was terrified if this was it, if this was the conversation he’s been dreaming and dreading for an entire year. So many scenarios played out in his head of this exact moment, but if Subaru wanted to do this now, then who was he to deny him.

What he heard come out of Subaru’s mouth, however, devastated him even more than any imaginary conversation.

“Who are you guys?”

Reinhard’s entire world shattered into a million pieces.

In disbelief and hurt, he took a few steps away from Subaru as his entire body trembled.

“W-W-What? S-Subaru, it’s me, R-Reinhard! Don’t you...?”

Subaru backed away from the shaking man with the sword and blinked in confusion. “Y-Yeah, I got that, but… How do you guys know my name? I never introduced myself, did I?”

Reinhard fell to his knees. Subaru began to panic.

“Uh, h-hey, I’m sorry, I’m just confused is all.”

“Subaru… How can you not remember us?” Reinhard asked as he stared up at the nasty eyed boy. “We were… I was…”

Subaru was suddenly afraid of the red-haired man. He must have noticed, because he jumped to his feet was instantly apologetic. “I-I’m so sorry, Subaru! Please, I… I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay!” Subaru shouted in frustration. “Gah! Will someone please just help me understand what it going on?”

The strongest knight felt useless, completely useless. He held up his hands in a placating gesture and said, “Okay, okay, I’ll help you- all of us will help you. Just… please be patient, okay?”

Subaru sighed and crossed his arms, “Alright, I believe you, Reinhard… Look, how about that tour, eh? Show me around and we’ll talk, okay?”

Reinhard bit his lip and nodded.

The walk started out in gloomy silence while Reinhard struggled with his own thoughts as he tried to reassure Subaru and make sure he was comfortable with the current situation. It wasn’t easy, but after a few minutes, Subaru seemed to fall into his old carefree behavior. Maybe it was to make himself feel better, or maybe it was for Reinhard’s benefit. Either way, the Sword Saint was thankful.

“Whoa, this place is fancy!” Subaru exclaimed as he walked with a nervous Reinhard through the manor’s lengthy hallways to break the tension. He’d never seen a place so clean and elegant, at least from what he knew. “I can’t believe this whole mansion is yours! You must be, like, super-rich!”

Reinhard chuckled uncomfortably, trying his best to keep it together. “A-Actually, it's my family’s home. I’m just the only Astrea here.”

“Man, I’m lucky someone like you found me.” Subaru said as he casually crossed his arms behind his head.

Reinhard stiffened and hung his head. Subaru noticed too late that he must have triggered this guy again and mentally kicked himself. “Hey, man, I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s just… You can say that so easily. It’s not fair.” Reinhard said with clenched fists. “After what we did… What I did… None of us deserve your gratitude.”

Subaru had stopped walking and faced the red-haired man with suspicion. He smiled uneasily but tried to calm the pitiful knight. “I’m sure it’s not-“

“PAPA!”

Both young men turned towards the shrill voice of a little blonde girl running at them full speed. Subaru barely had time to register as the child launched herself into the air and tackled him in the gut. With a loud ‘oomph!’, he and the girl tumbled across the floor until they came to a stop with her on top trying to bury her face in his black shirt.

“Are you both alright?! Subaru, are you okay?!” Reinhard cried out as he chastised himself for not catching the girl before they collided. Honestly, he hadn’t expected her to throw herself at Subaru, either.

But she had called Subaru her ‘papa’, which didn’t go unnoticed by Reinhard.

“Ow… Kid, anyone tell you that skull of yours is pretty hard?” Subaru complained as he laid there in pain.

The little girl was crying too loudly to hear him. He tried to sit up, but the girl clutched him tightly. She ended up in his lap and crying into his shoulder while he held her and looked up at Reinhard with pleading eyes.

“Uh… Little help?”

Reinhard looked uncomfortable, but he crouched beside them and tried to soothe her. What exactly did you say to children?

“Miss, please be gentle with Suba-err, your… Papa… He’s hurt.”

“Eh?” Only now did it dawn on Subaru what Reinhard just said. “EEEEH?! SAY WHAT?! Papa? Who’s Papa?”

While Subaru had his mental breakdown and sweat bullets, the girl looked up at Subaru in teary eyed confusion. As they both analyzed each other, the little girl reached up and ran her hands across his face. She felt his skin and seemed to just take his features in with wide eyes. When her hands settled on his cheeks, she smiled brightly and said, “Papa… My Papa…”

Subaru’s soul just left his body.

Reinhard, at a loss, looked at him and meekly asked, “S-Subaru… Are you really-“

“HOW THE HELL WOULD I KNOW?” Subaru shouted at Reinhard in panic.

“B-But… Subaru, she’s…”

“I’m surely way too young to have a kid her age!”

The glaring little girl puffed out her cheeks and pinched Subaru’s face rather hard. “Papa!”

“Ow, ow, ow! Stop, damn it!”

He gently pushed the little girl off him so that he could stand. Still with tears in her eyes, the girl crossed her arms and stared him down. Subaru mimicked her pose and returned the glare. “Okay, kid, spill it- how am I your ‘Papa’?”

The tiny blonde was dressed in a cute white dress with purple accents on the long puffy sleeves and the puffy skirt that reached her knees. A purple bow was tied around her waist and fanned out at her back. Her feet were covered with white shoes over black stockings. Though her blonde hair fell loosely around her shoulders, it appeared well taken care of and shined like her red senpaku eyes. The expression on her cherub-like face, however, wasn’t angelic; the child looked irritated.

She then took a very familiar pose with one hand raised high into the air and puffed out her chest to proudly declare her identity.

“This lovely lady is Carina Natsuki! My Mama says I am almost as cute as her and my Papa is broke beyond compare!”

Both Subaru and Reinhard stared in disbelief. Subaru didn’t understand what the pose was for, but it seemed to bother Reinhard quite a bit. Carina then lowered her tiny pointer finger and aimed it right at Subaru’s face. Her big red eyes bored holes into his soul.

“And my Papa is Subaru Natsuki… A jobless layabout who makes my Mama cry!"

Chapter Text

Ram was feeling conflicted about her sister’s actions. She knew Rem was opening herself up to pain and heart break, but it had been so long since she’d seen life in Rem’s eyes. Since Subaru’s disappearance one year ago, and the regaining of their memories, Rem had become a hollow shell. Ram watched her sister go through life in a zombie like daze. She did her job, but she barely ate, never wore a real smile, and more often than not Ram was awakened by Rem’s cries as she fought away nightmares that always revolved around her beloved Subaru.

It had gotten to the point that Ram wanted to hate Subaru. He was everything to Rem, and after hearing about her sister’s feelings for the boy repeatedly, she could only partially understand why. Maybe she didn’t see him like Rem did, but the effect Subaru had on Rem was profound. Shortly after he vanished, Rem even decided to grow out her hair in his memory, as if looking for a way to cope.

Ram had been supportive thus far and hoped that Rem’s grieving would run its course. That didn’t mean she still didn’t want to beat Subaru to death with his own severed limbs for putting Rem through such torment, though. 

Then he comes limping back, with a child in tow.

The sheer amount of gall to run away and come crawling back like that, after all the pain he put Rem through, never mind the rest of his 'friends'? She didn't have faith that he wouldn't break Rem's heart all over again. Ram wasn't stupid, she could understand he probably had a lot of resentment towards a lot of them, but that still didn't erase what he did to her beloved sister. So now here she was, doing her best to be supportive even if it made her sick.

Never mind that Rem had evicted the trained kitchen staff so the blue haired girl could make a customized meal for Subaru based on his known favorites among the various meals she’s ever made for him. Ram tried to talk her out of it after she realized her mistake in suggesting it, but to no avail. Her sister was on a mission now. So here they were, cooking for the man who had left their lives without a goodbye. The only consolation Ram received out of it was Rem’s happiness. As Rem cooked, she hummed with a bright smile that made Ram’s heart ache.

“Sister, can you pass me the eggs?” Rem asked.

Ram already knew what was in the mixing bowl, but felt she had to ask anyway.

“Rem… Are you making mayonnaise?”

“Of course~!” Rem said and giggled softly. “Subaru loves mayonnaise, so surely this will be a special treat for him!”

Defeated, Ram sighed and fetched the eggs. She couldn’t ruin Rem’s happiness. Call it selfish, but Ram had missed her sister’s smile too much to end it just yet.

“How about Ram steams some tatoes for Barusu?”

Rem’s eyes lit up. “Great idea! Subaru would love Ram’s steamed tatoes!”

The pink haired maid smiled triumphantly. “Of course, Ram’s steamed tatoes always satisfy Barusu.” She was caught off guard by Rem’s giggling. “… Did Ram say something funny?”

“Rem is happy that Ram missed Subaru, too. It means a lot to Rem.”

Pfft. Ram missing Barusu? Please… Okay, maybe she did a little bit, but…

“Ram has no idea what Rem is talking about. As far as she knows, if Barusu hadn’t run away then her beloved sister wouldn’t have suffered for so long.”

Rem’s smile faltered, but she knew her sister well enough to know that Ram would never admit that this past year has been hard on her, too. They had left the employment of Roswaal L. Mathers because Rem couldn’t stand being around those who had directly been involved with Subaru’s imprisonment and torture. When Rem became aware of the events in Sanctuary, she decided that the lot of them could rot in hell. Shortly after Subaru’s disappearance, Roswaal fell into a deep despair. It didn’t take long before he began to behave strangely and finally terminated the twin’s employment with a cold, dead stare. Ram, forced to choose between her sister and the man she loved as he descended into madness without Subaru, had chosen to follow her sister. 

Petra and Frederica had been the only employees who stayed on with Roswaal. Unable to deal with their shared guilt, Emilia had left with Beatrice and, according to what was being said, were taken in by Crusch since Felt, Priscilla, and Anastasia had refused to house them in their own camps. Ram suspected it was due to Crusch feeling responsible as Felix’s handler, and since his sudden disappearance three months ago, was now short of skilled help. 

Garfiel and Otto had left with them, and now resided within the city as part of the Felt camp while Ram and Rem became maids within the Astrea Manor. None of them had contact with the various members of the now disbanded Emilia camp. Rem couldn’t deny that Ram had suffered because of her actions, and possibly those of Subaru. It made her feel guilty about her own happiness.

Even so, Rem decided to selfishly soak up as much happiness as she could.

After a lengthy back and forth, Reinhard confirmed through his Divine Protection of Wind Reading that Subaru was indeed the father.

As least, as far as Carina knew, anyway.

To Reinhard’s surprise, however, Subaru seemed to come to terms with it rather quickly. At least, it seemed that way. It was obvious the young man’s mind was running circles in panic, but unable to find any way to adamantly dispute her claims. Reinhard felt just as confused, as how could Subaru have had a child in a year’s time? Subaru was plagued but kept silent. Maybe he just didn’t want to argue with a clearly upset child, but it didn’t take long for him to just accept being ‘Papa’ and continue his tour of the manor. To that effect, he held the angry little girl’s hand as they walked.

Reinhard didn’t miss Subaru’s eye twitch or Carina’s side eye at her ‘Papa’.

What in the Od was going on?

“Um, heh,” Reinhard rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I apologize, but now that you’re more acquainted with the manor I should inform you Lady Felt is away until tomorrow evening. She is one of the last candidates for the throne and resides here at my behest, but when she returns, I know she’ll be eager to see you.”

Subaru nodded sadly. If what he understood was correct, then he had amnesia. It’s not like he had any way to dispute this, since the only things he remembers is his name and a vague sense of danger and dread. He was just thankful that somehow, he ended up around people who apparently knew him from before. So far, they treated him like the long-lost friend they said he was. It felt like he was made of glass in their eyes, or a scared animal that would bolt at any moment. The sad truth was, as much as he wanted to run and freak out, he was smart enough to know it wouldn’t accomplish anything. Where would he go? Where was he, even?

It was like sitting in a gilded cage.

But what Reinhard said still stuck with him. What had they done to warrant such guilt? That unanswered question kept his guard up, even if he tried to act casual. He just hoped and prayed that he wasn’t an idiot for trusting them.

Then he thought of Rem and how sincere she was. Whoever he had been, it was obvious they had been close. Surely someone who cared for him that deeply wouldn’t side with people who wished him harm. He felt her emotions, almost as if they had radiated off her like the warmth of a fire.

He only wondered just how close they had been.

Eyeing Carina, he determined that his love life must have been reeeeally complicated.

Reinhard had finally led them to a study where they could speak as promised. Subaru was desperate to know what had transpired in his lost memories. The Sword Saint, however, was visibly sweating at the thought of having to tell Subaru what happened a year ago in Priestella. It’s not that he wanted to hide it… Okay, maybe the thought crossed his mind, but he just couldn’t do it. His friend deserved to know the truth, and if he was going to trust them again, Reinhard couldn’t base it off a lie. It just wasn’t easy to stomach.

Reinhard sat down on a comfortable looking chair while Subaru and Carina sat across from him on a plush couch. Between them was beautiful coffee table, but that only served to hide the nearly ten-foot separation between the young men. Both were struggling to hide their nerves from the other with unsure smiles.

Carina, on the other hand, just cuddled up against Subaru’s arm with an adorable pout.

“Papa, I’m hungry.”

Subaru gave her a head pat with his free hand. “C-Carina, we’ll feed you after this conversation. It’s kinda important.”

The sign of affection seemed to placate the blonde girl. She lightly blushed and said, “I’ll wait… But I want to sit on your lap!”

“Not now, Carina.” He kept saying her name, as if trying to force memories of her to resurface.

The little girl’s eyes shimmered with a couple of tears, but she hid them by crossing her arms with a huff.

Sensing that the matter wasn’t going to go away, Subaru relented and begrudgingly placed the child on his lap. She squealed with delight and smiled victoriously. Reinhard couldn’t help but smile at the girl’s antics, even if something about her bothered him…

“So… Let’s just start from the beginning. Who am… I mean, who was Subaru Natsuki?” The black-haired boy asked after Carina was situated. He didn’t notice that she frowned the moment he voiced his question.

With a deep breath, Reinhard began his story.

“Subaru Natsuki… was my first friend.”

He started from the day he met Subaru. He explained the chain of events that led to their meeting, Felt’s theft of the royal seal, and about the half-elf Emilia whom everyone knew he had been smitten with. A part of Reinhard hoped that mentioning the royal candidates would jog Subaru’s memory, and so as the story unfolded about their time at the loot house Reinhard analyzed Subaru’s expressions for signs of recognition.

No such luck. If anything, he looked horrified.

“W-Wait, you mean I was almost disemboweled?” Subaru asked with wide, frightened eyes.

“Y-Yes, but thankfully you were able to make a full recovery!” Reinhard said quickly. “Miss Emilia took you in and made sure you were healed.”

Subaru was at a loss. How the hell do you even recover from that?

“I guess… that’s good. What… What was she like?”

“She is a silver-haired half-elf, and she came to care about you quite a bit in a short amount of time.”

“She sounds beautiful…” He admitted, trying to distract himself from his inner turmoil. “You said her name was Emilia?”

Reinhard could hardly stomach his disappointment.

“Y-Yes, Miss Emilia. You and she became quite close.” Reinhard stammered.

“Silver hair, huh? How close were we?”

“From what I understand, you, uh… Regularly confessed your love for Miss Emilia.”

Subaru paled and looked down at Carina, who looked up at him with quite a judgmental stare for a child.

“Carina? Is Emilia…?”

“Not the Mama!” Carina answered quickly.

“I highly doubt her mother would be Miss Emilia.” Reinhard reassured with a sad smile. “You’ve only been gone for a year.”

“I guess you’re right… but then how did I become Carina’s Papa?” Subaru sighed as a growing pressure in his head made him wince. At least it wasn’t as bad as before, but nothing was making any sense. “Who is Carina’s mom, then? Shouldn’t you guys know? I mean, she’s like, what, five? Six?”

Reinhard scratched his head but nodded at Subaru’s understanding. Out of everything, Carina’s origins were indeed the biggest mystery. By all accounts, Subaru couldn’t be her father, they were too close in age. Not only that, but if he had a child a year ago, then she’d obviously be a toddler. It just didn’t seem possible.

But his Divine Protection said it was all true.

"So, where is this Felt girl anyway? I mean, aren't you her knight?" Subaru asked. 

Subaru's question stumped the red-haired knight, and not because it wasn't a logical question. What had him unable to give Subaru a ready answer was the manner at how their separation was decided. Thinking back, he tried his best to answer Subaru honestly. 

"The day that I found you two, Lady Felt and I were to depart later that afternoon. The camps of the remaining Royal Candidates were to meet and discuss the various reports of strange happenings across the continent, as well as the current state of the city of Priestella. When I returned with Lady Carina and you, both bloody and unconscious, Lady Felt insisted on..." Reinhard thought about how to properly paraphrase her crass language, "staying with you instead of meeting with the other camps. I insisted she could not afford to miss this meeting, and she pointed out that you must trust me if you were giving me responsibility over Lady Carina. I told her with the wounds that both of you sustained that you had little choice, but we wanted to be sure you were safe and awoke to a friendly face. We still don't know how, exactly, you both were wounded."

Which means they split up, Subaru realized. He wasn't sure if a knight leaving his Lady was proper, but since that ship has sailed he let it go for now. 

Deciding the rest of the conversation can wait, Reinhard smiled and asked kindly. “Carina, can you tell us about your mama?”

The tiny red-eyed blonde puffed out her chest proudly. “Mama is Mama! My mama is the prettiest lady in the world! She is super fun and really, really strong! I don’t know how my crusty old Papa managed to marry such a lovely lady, but-“

“Crusty old Papa?” Subaru interrupted indignantly.

“Lovely lady?” Reinhard questioned at the same time, his eyes narrowing slightly.

“What? You’re old, Papa!” Carina said nonchalantly.

“Little brat.” Subaru grumbled as Carina continued.

“Mama had blonde hair, eyes that sparkle like jewels, and a biiiig smile! She says my Papa is a great man and saved her life, so that’s how she came to be my Mama. I don’t know why, but my Papa makes Mama cry a lot and then he brings her lots of flowers…”

“What the hell? You make me sound like the worst kind of husband!” Subaru shouted in frustration. Not only was he apparently married, but now he was a shitty spouse?

His daughter giggled at his outburst and leaned back against his chest. She curled up in his lap and looked up at him with a strangely somber smile. Her sudden attitude change threw both men off.

“Papa and Mama had a really hard life before getting married, is all. Don’t worry, though, I still love you both.” Carina said as she rested her head against Subaru’s collarbone.

Reinhard’s growing concern was replaced with a myriad of feelings. He didn’t need his Divine Protection to feel the sincerity of her remark. Carina loved Subaru, and as crazy as it seemed, it hurt Reinhard.

As much pain as his so-called friends put him through, Subaru still had something good to give to the world. Most people would have broken after such horrors, but even if Carina wasn’t biologically Subaru’s child, her existence proves that the dark-haired boy they all cared about survived a walk through hell with a heart capable of compassion. Her feelings, her vague recollection of events, none of them were a lie.

Just the thought broke the Sword Saint’s heart, and yet filled it with such hope. Subaru was really an amazing person. They didn’t deserve to call someone like him their friend.

But Carina’s speech brought up a few questions. While seemingly innocent, Reinhard was smart enough to catch some discrepancies with her. Nothing she said was a lie, but neither did it really provide anything substantial about her Mama.

Did this child… purposely avoid his Divine Protection? Or were they just the simple words of a little girl?

He was ready to ask Carina another question when Rem entered the study with an excited smile.

“Dinner is ready, Subaru!” The blue-haired beauty announced as she beamed at him. He blushed and smiled shyly at Rem, who in turn giggled at his sudden embarrassment. She was just happy this hadn’t been another dream she’d have to wake up from, like so many others.

Rem then noticed the little blonde girl with dubious red eyes sitting in Subaru’s lap.

The girl looked between Rem and Subaru, then back to Rem, and finally settling on Subaru. That dirty look she gave him made the confused maid uncomfortable, even more so because this mystery child had such an intimate seat on her hero. Carina decided now was the perfect time to ask a question.

“Papa, are you cheating on Mama again?”

Silence.

Then CRASH!

Reinhard’s face was beet red. Subaru’s jaw hit the floor. And Rem?

Rem fainted and took the nearby vase and the table it sat on down with her.

After Rem’s unfortunate tumble, Subaru and Reinhard managed to rouse the poor blue haired maid. When she awakened, she politely if stiffly excused herself and left with a teary-eyed expression. The pain on Rem’s face tugged at Subaru’s heart and led him to ask Reinhard what exactly his relationship with Rem had been. Reinhard, ever the gentleman, told Subaru he’d have to discuss it with Rem after dinner.

He quickly agreed and the three of them went to the lavish dining room to be greeted by a truly amazing sight. A literal feast was beautifully spread across the table. It had a bit of everything, including roasted chicken, steamed tatoes, tossed salad, soup, and even a bowl of something called ‘mayonnaise’. The three new arrivals stared in shock at the grand assortment of delicious food laid out with such love and care. They looked to the twin maids who greeted them as they entered, but Rem bowed and ducked away to fetch books so the smaller Carina could sit comfortably at the table. Her sister Ram was glaring daggers at Subaru and shooting questioning glances at the little blonde girl.

Carina noticed Ram’s hostility and with tiny hands on her hips, she stood between her Papa and the pinkette and matched Ram’s glare with one of her own.

Subaru didn’t miss Ram’s curled lip, but she quickly hid it and ignored Carina as everyone took their seats.

The twins sat across from Subaru and Carina, which somehow made him feel like there was a physical wall between him and Rem. Maybe there was, now. Just the thought that he upset that sweet maid bothered him greatly. He wasn’t sure why yet, but after their earlier meeting, he couldn’t help but feel bad for her.

The meal went by quickly, if a bit silently. Every bite was more delicious than the last. When Subaru tried mayonnaise on his chicken, he was over the moon. He was nearly in tears when he asked if Rem had really made all this amazing food, to which she said she had. He grinned at her and gushed like an idiot at her culinary skills. It brought a smile to her face, but he could tell from the glistening in her eyes that she was still upset.

Carina, to his surprise, was more interested in Ram’s dirty looks. The little girl stuffed her face with little decorum and eyed the less personable maid in silence. Maybe it was because Rem’s cooking was so good that she couldn’t speak, or maybe Ram was the biggest threat to Subaru’s health. Either way, he was just glad that she was behaving. He wasn’t sure how much more he could take today.

After the meal, it was time to resume the conversation. This time Rem and Ram would join them in the study while the rest of the unseen staff would clean up. As everyone began to take their seats, Rem surprisingly asked if she could at least sit beside Subaru and Carina on the couch.

The little blonde stood up on the couch with her hands held out and faced Rem with an intense look. Taken aback, Rem was unsure what was going on but didn’t back down. The two girls held each other’s gaze while Subaru tried to get Carina to sit down and be good.

His daughter ignored him, and Rem took Carina’s hands into her own. Poor Rem was still confused what the girl was doing until Carina smiled knowingly. She nodded then pulled Rem on to the couch to sit on the other side of Subaru to the complete disbelief of everyone in the room.

Something didn’t feel right.

“H-Hey, Carina, are you really okay with Rem…?” Subaru asked.

“This lovely lady wants to be close to Papa, too. She likes my Papa, and I like that. Plus, she makes such yummy food!” Carina said loudly as she plopped down on Subaru’s lap again with a sagely nod. As if it made perfect sense, and didn’t contradict her earlier jab at Subaru’s supposed lack of devotion to her Mama.

Subaru felt that headache returning. Was my past love life really that crazy?

Rem smiled sadly at Carina, but still sat shoulder to shoulder with a blushing Subaru. To be honest, Rem wasn’t totally surprised Subaru had moved on from them and started a family elsewhere. She couldn’t begrudge him that, not after everything he went through. Yet every time she saw Carina with Subaru, it broke her heart little by little all over again. It was hard to hold back her tears, but she did because this wasn’t about her. It was about him, and him alone.

Ram, meanwhile, dug her fingers into the armrests of her chair as she contemplated murder.

Sensing another rise in hostility, Reinhard decided to start up the real conversation.

“I think it’s time we inform Rem and Ram of your… condition.” Reinhard successfully drew both twin’s attention away from Carina.

“Oh yeah… I forgot they didn’t know yet.” Subaru said sheepishly.

Ram narrowed her eyes at the former knight. She didn’t waste any time and said, “We already know he’s a lecherous oaf.”

“Whoa, whoa, what the hell did I ever do to you?” Subaru sputtered indignantly.

“Sister, please leave Subaru alone!” Rem said at the same time as she cast her eyes downward. “I’m sure… I’m sure he’ll explain everything. There has to be-“

Ram jumped to her feet to tear into the dark-haired boy. The venom in her eyes forced Reinhard to cut her off in Subaru’s defense, but it was Carina, however, that broke the news before the room exploded.

“Papa lost his memories.” The little girl said in a low, but final tone. In her voice and in the way she refused to look at anyone, there was a storm of emotions that she kept bottled away. “They’re all gone. He doesn’t even remember Mama and me…”

Both twins went still and stared at the child in disbelief. Ram looked to Reinhard, but one nod from him confirmed everything Carina said. Before she could even process her own feelings on the matter, Ram’s eyes shot to her precious sister.

Rem was devastated.

Tears pooled in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks once again. Her trembling hands reached for Subaru’s sleeve and grasped it tightly. He looked at her in pity and let her fall into his shoulder as they stared into each other’s eyes.

“I-I-It can’t be… Please, S-Subaru, this isn’t funny. Tell your Rem you… you remember us… you remember me.” She clung to him, but Subaru didn’t deny Carina’s words. Rem felt herself crumbling as each agonizing moment passed.

Just when she thought she had him back, she realized he was never truly there.

Warmth spread through her as she felt two arms encircle her body and pull her close. She rested her head against his shoulder and let her heartbreak out. It was selfish of her to want this small comfort, she knew, especially if he wasn’t her Subaru anymore… No, that wasn’t right, was it?

He was never her Subaru to begin with.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay.” He said with a forced, yet reassuring smile. Subaru wasn’t sure how to proceed or what to feel, he just knew that he wanted to comfort this girl. Something told him that’s what she needed, that it was something the other Subaru would have done. He felt it as clear as day, even if he himself wasn’t sure what he felt in his own heart. “I’m sure I’ll remember everything eventually. Until then, let’s just think of it as starting over from zero.”

Rem’s body shuddered with sobs as she hugged him tighter. Subaru felt his stomach knot with anxiety. Why did he do this? What the hell was wrong with him?

You made her cry even harder! Great job, idiot!

But Rem surprised him again. 

She pulled away and smiled despite her tears, despite the pain, because she realized something wonderful about Subaru. Even without his memories, without knowing it, he had touched her heart just by being himself. She felt so selfish and blessed at the same time. Even if they had to start from zero together, just having him back made it worth it. Maybe this time she could help him, truly help him, like he had helped her what felt like ages ago.

When Rem calmed down enough to release him, she scooted away to a friendly distance on the couch. As much as it pained her, it was time she gave Subaru some space. When her hero offered her a soft smile, however, her eyes softened and she smiled in return.

Carina silently watched them and sighed depreciatively.

Her reaction wasn't lost on Subaru this time. He felt something strange in his chest upon seeing her disappointment. There it was again. That feeling…

Unable to resist the urge that propelled him forward, Subaru’s free arm went around her waist then he nuzzled the top of her head. It felt like such a betrayal, like he was manipulating them, but he felt the need to give them comfort like a man in a desert needs water. It didn’t make sense to him, but maybe that was just who he was: someone who wanted to be close to others, even if it was wrong. After all, Carina was a little girl convinced he was her Papa. He could empathize with how lonely that must feel right now.

Carina couldn’t help but smile and giggle with a light blush at her Papa’s affections. She had thought he had forgotten about how she must feel about this situation but was happy to be wrong. Subaru’s warmth gave Carina some peace as she struggled to reign in the negative emotions that plagued her heart. Much like Rem, Carina realized that even without memories Subaru was still Subaru, even if he was a different version.

“Alright, Reinhard, let’s continue!” A blushing Subaru said with a somewhat stressed version of his trademark goofy grin.

“I’m sorry, Subaru, but Miss Rem and Miss Ram would know more than I at this point. We didn’t see each other much after the loot house. You lived with Miss Emilia in the domain of Roswaal L. Mathers when the twins were employed there.” Reinhard said, letting the two oni maids take center stage.

Subaru looked between the two of them, who nodded with differing degrees of eagerness.

Naturally, a frustrated Ram took the liberty of filling in the blanks.

“Yes, when Barusu arrived he was severely injured and-“

“Uh, heh, my name is Subaru.”

“Barusu-“

“Subaru!”

“If you would listen, you would hear that Ram is saying your name perfectly, Barusu.”

“You made my name into a blindness curse!”

“As if that made you any less useless while you came to work with two beautiful maids. Your perverted mind threatened us maidens’ day and night.” Ram took a bit of satisfaction in the murderous gaze the child cast up at her ‘father’. “Not only were you a subpar butler, but you often had us poor maidens pick up your slack so you could fantasize about our bodies. Why, more than once you forced yourself on poor Rem-“

“How can I even defend myself here?!” Subaru shouted in frustration.

“You never forced yourself on me, Subaru!” A sweaty, red-faced Rem quickly refuted as she instinctively gripped his hand with both of her own. “You aren’t like that! Ram is teasing you like she always does!”

“Ram speaks only the truth. Her kind-hearted sister is simply defending Barusu’s womanizing ways.”

“I am not!”

“Ah, see, Barusu? Rem admits you are a womanizer.”

“Subaru has always been a gentleman, especially with me!” Rem protested vehemently.

Meanwhile, Carina turned in her Papa’s lap and began to beat on him with tiny fists as she screamed, “Stop being a creep, Papa!”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough Miss Ram!” Reinhard interjects loudly as he rises to his feet. His tone didn’t leave any room for arguments. Ram quieted down but rolled her eyes with a sneer. “Your poor taste in jokes had upset everyone. Please apologize.”

“Ram would sooner strip naked and jump off a bridge.”

Reinhard pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Bad Papa! Bad Papa!” Carina yelled as Subaru restrained the little girl with a bear hug that pinned her arms to her sides.

“Will you calm down? You heard them, Ram’s just full of it!” Subaru pleaded.

“Die.” Ram muttered.

“Ram, stop it!” Rem snapped, which seemed to finally cow her twin.

“Can we please just move on?” Subaru begged tiredly. So far, his day had been a lot of crying, heartbreak, confusion, and getting picked on by pretty girls. He was exhausted.

The rest of the conversation went somewhat smoothly compared to the beginning fiasco. He had a feeling Rem left certain things out, but Ram had no qualms about telling him how badly he embarrassed himself at the Royal Selection and how he failed to protect Rem from Gluttony. Rem and Reinhard defended him, but it really hurt knowing how badly he screwed up as a self-declared knight and as a friend.

Between the two maids, they completed a narrative that ended with their arrival at Priestella. Sadly, none of it had brought back any memories. By this time, it has been several hours, and the sun had long since gone down. Carina had fallen asleep after the retelling about the events at Sanctuary and now snoozed curled up against Subaru’s side opposite of Rem.

Whether it was the fact she called him Papa, how adorable the sleeping girl was, or just genuine kindness, Subaru couldn’t help but smile and stroked Carina’s soft hair. Something tugged in Subaru’s chest, but he dismissed it. Perhaps it was time to call it a night.

“Hey, maybe we should follow Carina’s lead and get some sleep.” He said softly to everyone in the room.

Rem and Reinhard smiled at the feisty little blonde. Even Ram’s expression softened for the sleeping child. The Sword Saint, however, felt the need to offer an alternative out of respect for Subaru.

“I can show you to her room, and then we can continue the conversation, if you wish.”

Rem brought her hands together in front of her chest excitedly as her desperation to remain by Subaru gave her an idea.

“W-We could make it a slumber party! All of us could sleep in here tonight and then we can continue.”

Immediately, her twin objected. “Ram doesn’t think where this conversation is going will make for a good slumber party, sister.”

That sobering thought brought the mood down like a bucket of ice water, but Ram had a point. Subaru wasn’t ready to sleep yet, as he wanted answers, but he noticed that everyone seemed tired already. It didn’t seem right to him to keep them up when he already had a lot to process anyway, so he politely declined and asked if they could continue tomorrow. They agreed.

“I’ll fetch you and Carina some nightclothes.” Rem said as she and Ram left to do just that.

 Subaru gently picked up Carina bridal style and they all walked to Carina’s room, which was right next to Subaru’s room. He hadn’t noticed she had emerged from it earlier, so did she get up after him? Either way, she managed to find and tackle him. Subaru took off her shoes and tucked her into bed before gently closing the door behind him. She was so adorable when she slept. Rem insisted on changing her into the nightgown, so Subaru stepped outside to wait for her return.

With her return into the hallway again, he noticed Rem’s eyes were a mixture of dreamy adoration and hurt. It made him feel a bit guilty, honestly, but he knew it’d be another day before he got the chance to talk to her again.

After saying his goodnights, Subaru went into his own room and shut the door behind him. With a deep sigh and slumping of his shoulders, Subaru slipped the letter opener out of his sleeve and put it on the desk as he moved towards the bed. Finally alone, he changed into the nightclothes given to him. They were a simple grey top and pants, but very comfortable. He wished he had another change of clothing for the next day, but decided it didn’t matter. There were more pressing concerns.

He thought about his situation. No memories, stranded in a mansion of ‘old friends’ and a daughter he didn’t remember. That little piece of negativity in him ate at the back of his mind, but he did his best to squash it. These people had done nothing to earn his suspicion, but things still felt off. It was like he was a puzzle piece that didn’t quite fit. He didn’t know himself well enough to say for sure what it was, but something squirmed inside.

The dread in the back of his mind wanted him to run, but a conflicting feeling told him to stay close to these strangers.

He first felt it when he met Rem. It was an ache that he couldn’t quite place, but he didn’t have an ulterior motive for her. Did he really have a heart for her, Carina, Reinhard, and even Ram? Not only were they affected by his amnesia, but now he had a girl named Emilia out there who may or may not miss him? Maybe Ram had a point. Whoever he had been, he hadn’t expected a womanizer.

He felt guilty, but not as if he would if he could remember being the old Subaru Natsuki. As much as he wanted to regain his old memories and who he was, from what it sounded like, that time had been one hell after another. How he managed to survive everything they say he did unscathed, let alone come out on top, sounded insanely amazing to him. Or maybe it was just insane, period. This Subaru Natsuki didn’t feel amazing, no matter what they said. In fact, he felt like a piece of garbage compared to their friend.

Now he had to put out the fires of the old Subaru’s burning bridges.

Do I even want to do that?

He grimaced at how quickly he went from craving the connections of Rem and Carina to contemplating abandoning them. Again.

“I must be a shitty person.”

Exhausted and lost in his thoughts, he let his consciousness fade and immediately fell into a dream of crimson eyes.

Chapter Text

The world burned all around him. He stood amidst the inferno without a care or any hint of concern. Let the fire consume everything, he thought. It wouldn’t be the first time. Probably not the last time, either.

He didn’t care it was hard to breathe. He didn’t care the heat blistered his skin. He couldn’t even muster the will to care that he didn’t know where his partner was. None of it mattered anymore because he had already failed.

His failure lay at his feet in a crumpled heap, a mess of tangled limbs and gore. The only recognizable feature was the face that stared up at nothing and would forever more. A face that should have a beautiful smile and eyes filled with innocent joy, not the expression of a soul damned to an eternity of unspeakable pain and suffering. No, hell wasn’t meant for children like her. It was meant for monsters like him.

So why was his daughter the one dead at his feet when it should have been him?

For the first time in what felt like eons, something tugged inside his chest. How disgusting. Maybe he was just tired and frustrated, it had been a tiring few weeks.

“This… is all… your fault.”

It was her voice. Pained and out of breath, but unmistakable. Of course she wouldn’t just die already.

“As if you have room to talk.” He said as he looked over his shoulder at what remained of the woman speaking. She was little more than a charred torso and a head at this point, barely clinging to life with his sword buried up to the hilt in her spine to keep her in one place. Why couldn’t she just die quietly for once?

“You bastard… You fucking worthless piece of meat…” The light was leaving her eyes, but not quickly enough. “How? How could you…?”

He said nothing, merely turned to approach her with hollow eyes locked on her disfigured face. He knew she was too weak to fight him now. Without a word, he crouched in front of her and grabbed a fistful of her remaining hair to lift her to eye level. The pain of his merciless actions brought a cry of agony from her ravaged throat.

She glared madly into his eyes as she continued to spout her venom. Did it matter how she felt towards him now? He really didn’t care, it’s always the same bullshit. Instead of listening, he just let her rage and madness etch itself into his memories as if he were an artist capturing a divine landscape with canvas and oil paints. Only for him, his mediums were his mind and the hell he inflicted on everyone around him.

He couldn’t hide his empty smirk.

I’m a monster.

He took joy in the suffering, but it made him sick to do so.  Kind of like what he always heard people say, when you’re good at something, well… let’s just say, his services were always free of charge. The truth was those who inflict the worst kinds of pain often have felt that pain themselves. He knew all about that, more than anyone he’s ever known.

So, just this once, he decided to speak his mind to his captive audience.

“You know, I’ve been thinking about death’s role. Do you want to hear what I learned?”

She wasn’t listening, but instead still spouting hatred.

“Death feeds those around it. Kind of like when dead plants and pieces of meat provide nutrients to scavengers, or decay to give those nutrients back to the earth. Only people try to avoid this cycle by cremating or burying the dead in boxes. People don’t want to give back the life they’ve taken, even if such effort is futile. Why do we do it? Do you know?”

He tilted his head and stared into the girl’s wide, unfocused eyes.

“People are selfish. Completely and utterly selfish, unwilling to give that last piece of what makes them who they are in their final moments. It’s funny, in a way. Some people, like you, take it further. Can you imagine holding on to your miserable life to feed off death and misery, even stealing and manipulating the lives of others just so you could wake up the next day? After so long, I finally realized what kind of existence that is. Do you want to hear what it is?

“It’s a parasite. A creature that refuses to just die, so instead takes from the life around it. Whether it be for sin or virtue, hate or love, it doesn’t matter. To feed off the lives of those around you to survive is what it means to be a parasite.”

With his free hand, he grabbed the girl’s jaw and dug his bloody fingers into her burnt flesh to keep her damn mouth shut.

“Unfortunately for you, I’m the biggest parasite of all.”

The moment his lips captured her own, it was over. Her red eyes lost the last of their luster and her body went limp. She knew the completeness of oblivion for the first time as her body began to crumble into dust until there was nothing left. He remained crouched at her remains and watched the ashes be swept away in the inferno’s weather.

It was eerily beautiful, in its own way. He couldn’t wait to see it again.

The flames were close enough now that they licked his clothes and stole the oxygen from the air to replace it with smoke and the smell of burning flesh. Not that it mattered, since it was all destined to happen again. Instead of breaking down, he stood up and gave the hungry fire his last words before it consumed him, too.

He clapped his hands together and muttered, “Thank you for the meal.”

He awoke like he’d been struck by lightning.

Damn it, what the hell was that?

Subaru ran his shaking fingers through his damp hair as he tried to steady his breathing. Was that… Mama? She looked so young, far too young. He swallowed a lump in his throat and tried to separate the dream from reality. Currently, he was in his bed, and it was the middle of the night. Yesterday… had been a lot. Maybe he was just processing? Surely, he hadn’t murdered his wife, Carina’s Mama. He clearly remembered the broken corpse at his feet that looked too much like the little girl.

Gripping his head and fighting back quiet sobs, he tried to push the nightmare away.

It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real. There is no way it was real.

He jumped when he heard a knock at his door.

“Subaru? Are you awake?” It was Rem.

Damn it, he couldn’t let her see him like this.

“J-Just a minute, please.”

He wiped at his face with his sleeves and climbed out of bed to open the bedroom window. The cold night air did wonders for him. Taking a few moments to soak it up and steady his breathing, he turned back to the door that Rem stood behind. Looks like that talk is coming a lot sooner than expected, not that he was complaining. There was still a lot he didn’t understand, but sleep felt impossible now. Maybe, one on one, she’ll give him the answers he was craving.

“Okay, come in.”

She slipped inside quickly and shut the door. He noticed she was in a modest pale blue nightgown and clutching a pillow to her chest. Being well-aware of the implications and the scarlet blush across her cheeks, he felt his own face heat up despite everything.

“S-Sorry to barge in like this, I-I just…” Rem stuttered, her eyes shifted around nervously. “I know I shouldn’t be here-“

“It’s okay!” Subaru said as he held up his hands in a placating gesture. “I mean, I-I really wanted to talk with you, too.”

This put her at ease. Rem smiled sweetly, but still clutched her pillow nervously like a barrier between them. Part of her chastised herself for being here. Even if he lost his memories, Subaru apparently had a wife somewhere out there, and not to mention a daughter of mysterious origins. It wasn’t right of her to take advantage of the situation. She just couldn’t help herself. He’d been gone for so long and it had almost killed her. Alone and confused, he needed them- needed her- now more than ever.

Her thoughts shifted to concern when she finally registered the state he was in.

“Su-Subaru, are you feeling okay? You look…”

How the hell did he explain this to her? Did he even have to? Subaru ran his hands down his face and took a deep breath before putting on his best nonchalant smile.

“Yeah, I’m f-fine. Just a nightmare, nothing to worry about. Have a seat.” Subaru said as he gestured to the bed.

She sat down while he took the chair from the desk out of respect. They sat in awkward silence for moment, which made Subaru rub the back of his neck tensely. She stared at him with sad eyes. It made Subaru’s heart skip a beat, but not out of affection.

“Subaru, if you need to talk, I’m here for you. Even if just to listen.” Rem said.

He swallowed and debated on what to do. Should he trust Rem with this? What did his nightmare even mean? The heat of the flames, the feeling of the woman’s lips, the sheer detail of the look on her face as he gave that insane monologue, and even Carina’s body. What kind of fucking person could so vividly conjure something like that in their sleep? What had he done before he lost his memories? He was scared that Rem would judge him, maybe even shun him like some closet psychopath. The thought of rejection in her blue eyes hurt.

“It’s nothing, really! I’d rather not… get into it, okay?”

Rem’s shoulders sagged in disappointment, but she quickly picked herself back up again. If he wasn’t ready to open up to her with his pain, then she just had to be patient. She would be what he needed her to be.

Steeling his resolve, Subaru rested his palms on his knees and met Rem’s eye.

“I need to know the truth, Rem. You all said something happened to me. What exactly… what exactly happened to me?” 

Rem’s eyes turned sharp, and she grabbed fistfuls of the fabric of her nightgown with shaking hands. Her face and neck colored with barely contained rage. Head lowered and bangs hiding those eyes, Subaru could still see her jaw clench and her lips curl. Something about that look scared him, but he resisted the urge to stand up and back away from the maid.

“In Priestella, the Sin Archbishop of Gluttony got to you. He ate everyone’s memories of you and erased you from their pasts. They forgot you and everything you did for them… and labeled you as one of them.”

Subaru felt a chill run down his spine. Them? What did she mean them, and how the hell could someone just be erased? After hearing about his past exploits, he knew about the existence of magic and even the power of the White Whale. Did that mean Gluttony had the same power? Is that why he had no memories? His mouth went dry at the thought of something so terrifying.

“I-I don’t understand. What was I labeled as? If everyone forgot me, then what-“

“Subaru, you need to understand something important. The Witch Cultists have a certain smell. Its unmistakable to those who can detect it. When you approached Emilia and Beatrice… they detected that same smell on you.”

Dread, cold and oppressive, nestled inside his gut.

“How could that be? Rem… please tell me I’m not-“

“No!” Rem shouted, making him flinch away from her. She lifted her head and he saw angry, frustrated tears roll down her cheeks. “You would never be and never were one of those monsters! Subaru Natsuki is not like them!”

He thought about his nightmare and felt sick. Just who was Subaru Natsuki? If he was a hero, why had he been labeled a villain? If he was a villain, then why did Reinhard, Rem, and Ram let him and Carina into their home? Subaru felt suddenly pain like an ice pick in his eye.

“Then what am I?” Subaru asked between shuddering breaths. “Why do I smell like a Witch Cultist?”

Rem’s fiery aura dimmed a bit, but she did her best to explain.

“You are Rem’s hero. I don’t know why you have their smell, and you were never able to explain it to any of us. Not many people can even detect it, let alone recognize it. You’ve had the Witch’s scent for as long as I’ve known you.”

Subaru froze. You’ve had the Witch’s scent for as long as I’ve known you. Wait, did that mean…?

No, no, no, please not her…

“R-Rem… did you think I was…?”

Her silence was all the answer he needed.

Pain arced across through his skull like a hot knife. It hurt enough that he had to close one eye and slump back into his seat. Damn it, had anyone stood beside the old him?

“Why? Was it all because of the way I smelled?”

Rem nodded. “I lost everything but my sister to the Cult, Subaru. It’s why their scent is engraved in my mind and why I feared you at first. It’s also why the others suspected you were one of them after the attack on Priestella.”

“You… you were asleep, right? Ram and Reinhard… were they…?”

She could see the suspicion on his face. He was looking at her with the eyes of a caged animal and it gutted her, but he deserved to know the truth that haunted her on his behalf for a year. The reason she waited to die, the reason she hated almost every one of Subaru’s old friends and allies.

“Ram wasn’t there, Subaru. The camps of each Royal Candidate were called to gather in the city. Reinhard was there with Lady Felt when the attack began. After you were attacked by Gluttony, Reinhard was… one of the people you approached.”

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

His heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest.

“Reinhard? What did he…?”

Rem hesitated, but finally ground out, “Reinhard tried to send you away, but the others demanded you be captured. Crusch… had been attacked by one of the Sin Archbishops, and they thought that maybe you would know how to help her. You’re scent was so strong, you were… branded as a Sin Archbishop and…”

Her body folded forward as she spoke the last words, unable to withstand the crushing pain and heartbreak that had destroyed her to this day. Rem’s entire body shook with rage and sorrow as she mentally cursed everyone involved in what befell him. It was their fault. Everything that happened to Subaru was their fault.

I wish… I wish I could have… Rem thought alongside images of red.

“They t-tortured you, Subaru.” She sobbed.

Two faces flashed before his eyes, full of rage and contempt.

“They… did what?”

The blunt force of a rod against his already crumpled body.

Torture.

Bloody tools.

Not just interrogate, but torture.

Molten lead against his tongue.

Torture. The pain…

“… pretend that your mind is broken?”

“Hk! Argh!” Subaru groaned as blinding pain took his vision away. Something hot ran down from his nose and over his lips.

“Subaru! You’re bleeding!”

He felt Rem’s arms around him as she held him against her chest. Reality began to fade away as fear took its place. Knives carving his flesh. Tears flowed from his unfocused eyes as he fought against the tide, but he couldn’t hope to prevail against the weight of what he saw, what he heard, or what he felt. Cutting, slicing, peeling bloody skin to expose the muscles and tendons.

Subaru shrieked and thrashed against the specters in his mind.

Hatred in the eyes of friends.

A mind that was trembling.

No, not trembling…

Crawling.

“S-Su-Subaru…”

Crawling crawling crawling crawling.

Soft flesh held tight.

It felt like his mind was a writhing mass, slithering around inside his skull. He heard voices, too many to understand, each crying out to him. Shouting, weeping, cursing him. Why couldn’t they shut up? He needed them to be silent. How else was he going to make sense of these unrelenting images?

Crawling crawling crawlingcrawlingcrawling-

It hurt. It hurt. It hurt it hurt it hurt it hurt-

“Papa, why do you have a knife?”

“Shut up!” He screamed.

Ithurtithurtithurtithurt-

“Just let me die!”

“S…Su…ba…”

“I love you.”

A hand grasped his heart.

Why can’t they all-

“Let go.”

Suddenly, the fear and panic began to dissolve into the shadows of his mind. It felt like he was being drained of everything and being left with an empty husk. His eyes felt heavy, so heavy, that he struggled to sit up. Everything hurt, but when he tried to make sense of it nothing came to mind. Like the fear, all he had left was a vague understanding. Sitting back and staring up at the ceiling, he let reality trickle back in. He remembered his nightmare, but… what happened after?

Looking around, he realized he wasn’t in the chair anymore. When did he end up on the bed? His head swiveled around the room. There had been someone else here, right? Yeah…

Where was Rem?

Subaru leaned forward to balance himself as he tried to get off the bed, only to touch flesh.

Slowly, his eyes fell to the form of a blue haired maid underneath him. Her eyes rolled back in her head; her blue lips parted with saliva dribbled down her cheek. That’s when he noticed the bruising around her neck…

The shape of hands.

His stomach dropped and his veins became ice water.

“No… no, no, no, please God! Rem!”

Subaru screamed and cradled her face in his hands. Her head lolled limply, but he checked her pulse anyway.

Nothing.

“REM!”

Panic set in once again, and so did the pain in his head. He grit his teeth and moaned in agony.

The door burst open behind him. Subaru turned, sending a new bolt of pain through him, only to see Ram standing in the doorway.

“WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

The next thing Subaru knew, Ram screamed something, and a maelstrom of wind cut through the room. He didn’t understand how his vision rolled off the bed and across the floor the way it did, until he saw something heavy hit the carpet beside him.

He was staring at his own headless body.

The world exploded into flames like in his nightmare, consuming everything before Subaru had a chance to realize he was dead.

Shadows coalesced and parted. There was no warmth, no light. Only them.

“Not yet, my love. You’re not there yet.”

Then nothing.

He awoke to the sound of screams. It took him nearly a minute to realize the screaming he heard was his own.

He sat up as if he were on fire. Hot tears rolled down his cheeks as his breaths came in shallow, ragged gasps. Immediately, his stomach emptied its contents all over the bed and his sweat slicked body with barely consumed his nearly delirious mind as he sobbed and moaned into his hands as they clawed at his face and eyes with enough force to draw blood.

“S-SUBARU!”

Subaru’s wide eyes lifted just in time to see someone fling their arms around him.

His reaction was immediate.

“G-Get the hell away from me!” Subaru shrieked as he shoved whoever it was off him.

When they hit the floor, Subaru’s mind struggled to comprehend what he was seeing.

“That… That’s not possible…”

It was Rem, sweet Rem, staring up at him in her maid uniform with heartbroken, tearful eyes. She was alive and clutching her hand to her chest as she held back her pained sobs. Her body was haloed by the sunlight that shined in from the hallway into his room, the same room he had just murdered her in.

Subaru was at a loss. He remembered strangling her, killing her. There was no way she was here, now. No fucking way that had been a dream, or hallucination. He stared at her face and felt his own heart break. Then his eyes traveled to her neck…

Smooth, unmarked skin.

“R-Rem? How…?”

“I… I’m sorry, Subaru… I didn’t… I just…” Rem tried to explain her actions, as if she weren’t a figment of his imagination back from the dead. “You screamed and…”

He felt her warmth then even from the distance between them, a flame sputtering and desperate for sustenance. Her voice alone anchored him, but he couldn’t accept this as reality. It couldn’t be. Guilt and sorrow overflowed from his heart.

I killed you.

The pain from before, the white-hot lightning that threatened to cook his trembling brain, cut his thoughts like a knife. He gripped his head and let out a shriek that scared the blue haired maid. Terrified it was happening again and unable to cope, Subaru slammed his head against the wall beside his bed with complete abandon. It felt like his brain needed more room in that tiny skull cavity, and if cracking it like an egg gave him release, then he was happy to do it.

Rem was on him again, screaming for him to stop and trying to hold him still. More voices joined the chorus of madness, a number of desperate and pleading voices as arms encircled him like a cocoon of warmth that filled him with something he couldn’t register. He didn’t have time to.

His mind fell away again. The last thing he heard before everything went black was someone cry out in his ear.

“He’s having a seizure!”

Then the world went quiet once again.

His entire body feels like it weighs a ton, including his eyelids. He’s so exhausted that he barely notices his chest slowly rising and falling. The ceiling looks different, he realizes. Was he in a different room entirely?

Subaru manages to turn his head and sleepily take in his surroundings. It’s dark, but the moonlight illuminates the room enough for him to register what he’s seeing. It is a different room, one larger and more finely furnished. He was in a bed big enough for three of him, once again tucked in satin sheets like a sleeping princess. It smelled nice, like a girl’s bed, but he was too tired to care about whose room he now occupied.

The slumped over form of Reinhard in a plush chair was easy to make out due to his white clothes and brilliant red hair. He was resting his head in his hand by propping his elbow on the arm rest. It didn’t look very comfortable, but it was obvious Reinhard had kept a vigil out for him.

Beside him, he could barely make out the blonde head of Carina asleep and cuddled up against his side. Subaru could see the distress on her cherub face. It made him feel awful to think he made her worry. If she wasn’t pinning his left arm with her body, he would have pulled her into a hug.

When he tried to move his right arm, he felt another weight. Looking over, he saw his arm was atop the bed and a sleeping Rem was holding his hand.

His breath hitched at the sight of her thin face and dark ringed eyes. She was so beautiful, so innocent, and yet he had killed her so easily. Subaru was convinced it hadn’t been an elaborate nightmare. No, it had been real. He could still see her dead, tortured eyes that bored holes into his soul and he could feel the soft skin of her throat under his fingers.

His vision blurred as more tears gathered in his eyes and silently slipped down his face. What kind of a monster was he to do that to her? But more importantly…

How were they both alive?

“Barusu?”

Subaru froze. Behind Rem, an identical figure rose up from a couch obscured by the sleeping maid’s body. Subaru felt his body tremble with fear as an illuminated Ram stood up and looked at his prone form. He was on the edge of panic when he saw something reflect in the moonlight in her eyes.

Ram was crying.

“Barusu?” She whispered again as she wiped her eyes.

Something about it struck him. Why was she crying? She’d just murdered him, cut his head off with a swipe of her hand! Not only that, but Ram herself had been burned alive! He still didn’t understand how any of them were alive and unharmed. It didn’t make any sense. Swallowing his panic past the lump in his throat, he hoped he didn’t regret what he did next.

Too terrified to move, Subaru did his best to pretend to be asleep.

Ram didn’t understand what was wrong with her. Before, she was ready to tear into the man who had turned her life upside down and make him her emotional punching bag for all the pent-up feelings she’d been harboring for a year. She felt justified and almost in need of that bit of release, as if Subaru had done everything with malicious intent. Her wrath had been there, coddled and nurtured, for this very day.

Then it all evaporated when she heard him scream.

Through Synesthesia, Ram felt Rem’s distress for Subaru. She quickened her already hurried pace, but felt her blood run cold when she heard his unholy shriek from a floor below. All thoughts of projecting her pain on to him, rightly deserved or not, were forgotten. She arrived just in time to see him try to crush his own skull against a cracked wall splattered with his own blood. Rem was pleading with him to stop and trying to restrain him, but to no avail. Ram stepped in but was caught between Rem’s ensuing panic attack and Subaru’s psychosis.

She doesn’t know when the little girl, apparently named Carina Natsuki, threw herself between them crying for her Papa or when Reinhard entered the room ready for battle. When the seizure began, no one could understand what had set him off. Was it their presence? Was it the fact he woke up in a dark, unknown place? Was it night terrors? The chaos drained everyone involved.

Even so, none of them had left Subaru’s side for even a moment. Seeing him suffer had reminded each of them how completely and utterly they had failed their friend. Ram was no exception.

It was why she now tiptoed towards his bedside, the same side as Carina, and just stared at him with a heavy heart.

Ram didn’t understand what changed in her. Why did she feel so hopeless when she saw Rem struggling with Subaru? Why did her heard break just a little seeing him like that?

Ram wasn’t ignorant of her own feelings anymore. Subaru was her friend, once upon a time. Of course she cared about him. Of course, she understood why he left them all behind. As much as it hurt to admit, Ram knew it was only fair they were forgotten like he had been. It was only fair it felt like a blade plunged into her chest.

Yet it wasn’t fair, was it?

With a pained heart, Ram reached out and gently stroked Subaru’s bangs so as not to disturb him. She couldn’t say it to his face, but Ram had missed him even if she wanted to blame him for everything she’d suffered this past year. It felt so stupid now, so absurdly selfish, to think it was fair to demand he pay for that when he’d already paid for their actions.

“Ram wishes… things could have been different.” She whispered as she leaned over the man who stole her sister’s heart.

“Maybe then you would have taken us with you.”

As Ram stroked his hair, the only thing he could think was, ‘what the hell?’

He couldn’t make heads or tails of what was going on, but the sincerity in Ram’s voice weighed on him. Did she not remember killing him? Does anyone remember what happened? If not, why could he? Whatever reason there was for why they were alive, Subaru was aware he had a chance. Maybe it was his only chance. Would that be enough?

Ram had attacked him because of what he did to Rem, it was natural. Subaru didn’t understand what made him hurt her, but he knew it happened when he blacked out. He blacked out when he freaked out. He later had a seizure when he freaked out again. This led him to believe, in no uncertain terms, that panic was his trigger.

Knowing that didn’t help shit if he didn’t get a grip on what was going on, though.

Ram seemed like she meant no harm, quite the opposite. She felt… concerned for him, worried, even. Maybe if he played his cards right and figured out what was going on with his mind, then he could avoid his and their tragic end. It was his only option.

Just then, he felt Ram stop her movements.

Deciding to risk poking the proverbial dragon, he peaked with one eye barely open. Ram met his gaze with a furious blush while wiping her hand on the apron of her uniform. He realized she must have discovered his acting and was none too pleased.

“How typical of Barusu, eavesdropping on a tender young maiden offering her sympathies.”

Somehow, her deadpanned jab helped to keep him from panicking again.

“I’m sorry, Ram… I’m so sorry…”

He didn’t care that he cried in front of Ram, he was too exhausted for that. Even if she mocked him for being a crybaby, it was better than the hell of killing Rem and dying a brutal death. He expected her to do just that, but what he got instead was a soft smile.

“I…” He muttered.

“It’s okay. You’re safe, Subaru.” Whispered a gentle voice from his right.

He hadn’t realized Rem was awake. Too focused on Ram and his own turmoil, he missed the blue maid lift her head off the bed and smile at him with red rimmed eyes. Subaru drank in her image but noticed something different about it.

“Rem… your cheek.”

The left side of her jaw was bruised and swollen. He must have hit her with his thrashing. Subaru reached up to touch her face, but pulled back just inches away.

I’m a complete piece of shit, he thought miserably.

Rem took his hand into both of hers and placed a gentle kiss on his fingers. He squeezed her hand gently in response.

“I’m okay, Subaru. I promise.”

“There is nothing okay about this!” He cried, startling Carina awake.

“Papa!” Carina sat up like a shot and threw herself on to his chest to give him the biggest hurt her tiny arms could muster.

Rem suddenly withdrew her hands.

Subaru brought his left arm out from under the covers to hug his daughter tightly as he rested his wet cheek against her blonde head.

His daughter. Carina Natsuki. Alive and well.

“I’m so sorry, Carina…”

“I didn’t mean to frighten you. I’m sorry, Subaru, I should have thought about how you might feel when you woke up.” Reinhard said sadly, already standing beside Ram.

“I… I am scared.” I died. I died and… “I’m so scared and confused.” Subaru said as he forced himself to calm down before he lost control again.

“Did Papa have bad dreams again?” Carina asked as she looked up at him with her trademark pout.

How could he explain what he saw, what he did? He didn’t even understand how any of this was possible. These ‘friends’ would probably think he was crazy, if they didn’t already. Not to mention, Carina didn’t need to hear any of this. A child like her didn’t need to be involved with his madness.

Hell wasn’t meant for children.

Subaru felt bile rise in his throat as he felt an all too familiar stabbing pain behind his eye.

“I… don’t feel so good.”

Tiny hands rested on his cheeks and pulled his attention back to the little girl on his chest.

“You’re safe, Papa. Safe with Carina. I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again.”

The look of fierce determination on Carina’s face was both adorable and foreign. Such an adult look didn’t belong on a child. Subaru wanted to believe her, so badly wanted this little girl to have the power to make this all go away, but that was foolish. Carina wasn’t his protector; he was her Papa.

The broken body with her angelic face flashed before his eyes again.

“What’s happening to me?” Subaru whimpered, unable to hold back some of his tears.

“Deep breaths, Subaru!” Reinhard said as he hesitantly put a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “I promise, both of you are safe here.”

Subaru nodded, but still struggled to reign in his emotions. He tried to stay calm as best he could. As he fought himself, those images continued to plague his mind. Rem and Carina, dead. His own murder. The infernos that consumed both realities.

What kind of sick joke was this?

“Felt must think I’m a mess,” Subaru joked in between sobs to distract himself.

It seemed no one was in the same mood.

“Lady Felt, like us, was just happy we were able to save you.” Reinhard said. “She wanted to stay with you while you recovered, but we decided-“

“Maybe we should let Barusu rest until Lady Felt returns.” Ram said, cutting off her employer.

“M-Maybe you’re right,” Reinhard conceded. Subaru seemed overwhelmed. “She’ll return tomorrow evening, which will give Subaru plenty of time to rest.”

The knight and maids nodded with satisfaction, then looked to Subaru and were taken aback.

He was staring at each of them in complete and utter shock.

Impossible…

Subaru tried to wrap his mind around the implications of what they were saying. Unable to do so, he began to weep in frustration. Of course. Of course that’s how it was.

“Subaru? What’s wrong?” Rem asked, taking a concerned step forward.

She didn’t understand, couldn’t understand, what was running through her hero’s mind. The confirmation of his worst fears, the realization of the implications, all now clicked into a perfect picture in his mind. Even more than that, he thought of all the events described in his past life, the events of last night now tonight, and it all made so much maddening sense. Subaru Natsuki wasn’t a hero. He wasn’t even useful.

He was just a worthless piece of meat, good for only one thing and one thing only.

What a fucking joke.

I went back in time… I died and went back in time…

Chapter Text

It was the middle of the night and Subaru couldn’t sleep. He was exhausted and emotionally drained, but his mind refused to leave him in peace. They’d let him stay in the room with the big bed for the night, which he discovered was Felt’s room.

Thankfully after more crying, he was able to convince everyone he needed to rest. Carina refused to leave, and he noticed the exchange of conflicted looks. True to Carina’s character, she sat on the bed glued to his side.

“What’s wrong, guys?” Subaru asked, but he had an idea already what they were thinking.

“It’s just… She calls you Papa. Is she really your daughter, Subaru?” Rem asked, clutching the bottom of her apron.

Ah, that’s right. They didn’t know anymore… But he was also too tired to go through that conversation again.

“Can we… discuss this in the morning? Carina can stay with me, it’s not a problem.”

The little girl looked up at him with wide, hopeful eyes. Even if he’d only known her a day, Carina had nestled herself into his heart. Whether it was just due to who she was, or seeing a vision of her mutilated corpse, he didn’t fully understand yet. To her, however, he was Papa and her only guardian in an unknown environment. Right or wrong, he wanted to protect her.

“I can stay, Papa…?” Carina asked, her little brows knitted together in confusion.

That look left a lot unsaid about how he treated her before and how she thought of her Papa. Had he kept her at arm’s length, or not treated her with much affection? Subaru patted her head and smiled sadly. How much had Carina been forced to live through because of him? If his vision and her quick acceptance of his amnesia in the last loop were any indication, how traumatized was she already?

If I could throttle myself, I would, he thought.

“I see…” Rem said sadly. “We’ll see you in the morning, Subaru. Good night…”

Everyone left shortly after, leaving him with Carina and his own insomnia. She climbed under the blankets then wrapped herself around his arm and refused to let go, even in her sleep. It was adorable, but Subaru still felt odd about cuddling with the strange child. Papa and daughter or not, it was weird and he wasn’t exactly keen to cross that line, but Carina insisted on being close.

He was scared to sleep, and far too scared to think. If he triggered another attack like before, he could hurt Carina. That was unacceptable. So, the questions just bounced around in his sleepless brain and tormented him. What was he to do?

Subaru wished he could just disappear.

He couldn’t sleep, and he couldn’t hide in bed anymore. Unable to find a compromise, he gently pried Carina off and slipped out of bed. Still soundly asleep, Carina was none the wiser as her Papa tiptoed out of the dark room to explore the manor.

The halls were cool, but not uninviting. Subaru’s earlier tour allowed him to find the door he was looking for. He stood in front of the large double doors that led out the front of the manor with some trepidation. Whatever the reason he felt compelled to go outside and just wander. The thought should have scared him more than it did, but after what he just experienced what could the dark do? The moon was high, and he was still on the manor’s grounds. It’s not like he planned to go past that.

Subaru stepped outside for the first time and took a deep breath. It felt liberating to be outside the mansion. His tour hadn’t extended to the Astrea grounds, so he began to just wander around aimlessly. The fresh air was wonderful, and the solitude allowed him the freedom to ponder his situation without putting others in danger.

He had killed Rem after getting lost in whatever nightmare that had been. Memories of what must have been hell. If what little else he could piece together was correct, he had suffered quite a bit before losing his memories. Was that why he had amnesia? Had every aspect of his life had been so painful that he blocked it out? No wonder he vanished a year ago, who the hell would even be sane after all of that?

He had to do something to get the images out of his mind.

Rem couldn’t sleep. The idea that Subaru was not only nearby, but obviously distressed grated on her. She wanted to be near him, had to be near him, to comfort and protect him. Whatever was going on with her hero, she needed to step up and be his hero now. No matter the cost.

To that effect, Rem set out of her room for Subaru’s. A few minutes later, she stood outside the bedroom door and hesitated. Should she knock? If Subaru was asleep and she woke him, she’d feel guilty. What about that ‘Carina’ girl? She’d wake up, Rem knew. As much as she wanted to pry the tiny blonde away from Subaru, she didn’t dare…

Even if the girl also carried the Witch’s scent.

Shortly after Ram, Reinhard, and she left Subaru’s room, Rem confronted Reinhard about the girl. The Sword Saint could detect the scent on the girl as well, but since an injured Subaru asked Reinhard to save Carina before losing consciousness, he had decided to ignore any suspicions until he had the chance to speak to Subaru. Rem hadn’t been around the girl until she threw herself at Subaru during his episode, and at first Rem thought the girl picked it up off him. Being that close to Carina, however, Rem detected Carina’s own scent on top of Subaru’s.

That bothered her immensely, but she wasn’t about to harm the child who claimed to be Subaru’s daughter. To her own credit, she wanted to hear what Subaru had to say about it first. She wanted him to plainly say that he had moved on from them, from her. As much as it pained her, she couldn’t blame him if he had. Each of them had failed him in some way.

They deserved to be hurt by him, she knew.

Yet she couldn’t bring herself to knock on his door. She felt like she was pushing her boundaries with him. If he didn’t come back to her before, would he welcome her now? If Carina was his ‘daughter’, did that mean he was involved with another woman now?

That thought alone tore her apart and made her chest ache terribly.

Did he even think about me once…?

Rem felt a few solitary tears escape down her cheeks.

She was pulled from her ruminations when the door suddenly flung open with enough force to crack the adjacent wall and reveal a tiny, angry blonde girl with furious red eyes.

“Where. Is. My. Papa?!” Carina shouted as she waved her little arms around threateningly.

Instead of being upset at the almost comical display, Rem felt the color drain from her face.

“H-He’s not with you…?”

The surface of the water was like a mirror for the stars of the night sky. Clouds obscured their light on the horizon as they rolled in slowly, but he knew he had time before the weather changed. For now, it was tranquil here in the flower gardens, Subaru thought as he laid with his limbs outstretched on a carpet of green grass. Below him at the bottom of a small incline was a large birdbath in the form of a sundial. If he lifted his head to stare past his feet, he’d see it and the stars it reflected. He much preferred to stare up from where he was and just get lost in the cosmos.

It was easier to make sense of hell when you understood the heavens.

Subaru wanted to disappear, but maybe this was the next best thing. Out here, he could make sense of everything and not make another grave mistake. He despised how useless and insane he felt. Was his only real ability to die and repeatedly make the same mistakes over and over until he got it right? Who the fuck decided this?

He thought lamenting his curse would bring about more tears, but nothing came. Maybe he had no tears left to shed about it. What a sobering, yet depressing thought. Had he already reached that point, or was he accepting his lot in life?

Reaching a hand towards the night sky, Subaru wished he could forget the things he saw. Most was a nonsensical jumble, but what he did remember terrified him. He wasn’t sure who would answer him, but he decided to ask anyway and raised his question to the stars.

“Am I a hero? Or am I… a monster? I don’t understand… Why don’t I understand?”

A gentle breeze was his cosmic answer.

He supposed that’s all he was going to get. It’s not like he expected someone to answer him.

There was a sound down below.

Subaru sat up and gasped.

At the bottom of the incline, a short figure stood on the sundial’s gmomon. In the shadow cast over the figure’s face from the hood it wore, Subaru couldn’t make out any details other than this darkly clad person save for the sword strapped across their back. He stared at this mysterious figure nervously. Was this yet another nightmare in the making? The more he watched them, the more he couldn’t shake the feeling they were somehow familiar. Whoever they were, they seemed ominous, yet they still hadn’t attacked or even drawn their weapon. Hell, they hadn’t even said anything!

Just who the hell was in the Astrea gardens in the middle of the night? No one with good intentions, probably.

“Uh… who are you, exactly?” Subaru asked, trying to put on his bravest smile.

The figure slumped a bit and let out a small noise, like their words were caught in their throat. Were they… disappointed? Surprised? The figure said nothing for a while and instead, just fidgeted until they finally said, “You don’t… remember.”

Not another one…

He could tell by the tone it was an accusation, not a question. Not only that, but it almost sounded like they were either female or a young high-pitched male.

“Tch!” The figure hopped down from the sundial.

Subaru tensed up, expecting his person to whip out their sword and start hacking away at him. It’d be just his luck to run into a homicidal maniac while taking a midnight stroll to clear his mind, wouldn’t it? To his surprise, no sword was drawn, and the figure didn’t approach him.

They were stomping away through the flower beds, trampling them underfoot as if they had personally insulted them.

“H-Hey!”

He grit his teeth and felt his hands shake. Everyone seemed to know something but him. They all acted like they knew him, truly knew him, when it was obvious no one really did. It infuriated him to know that someone else who may have answers was just walking away from him like he’d just given the dumbest answer on a test. What if they did know something important, like why he was cursed to come back every time he died?

Did they know what he was hiding behind the face of a hero?

I have to know.

“Get back here!” Subaru shouted as he took off after them.

“Run faster, faster, faster!” Carina cackled like a maniac as she rode on Rem’s back like a horse jockey. The tiny blonde refused to stay in the bedroom and wait for Rem to return with their Subaru. Instead, Carina was more than willing to hunt him down alone, but because Rem feared what Subaru would think of her if she let his child wander off, it left her little choice but to bring Carina along.

To cover ground more quickly, Rem reluctantly offered to carry her. Only afterwards did she realize her miscalculation. Children, as a universal law, loved being carried.

Meaning, Carina Natsuki was already an addict to piggyback rides.

“Papa can’t have gone far! Giddyup!”

Rem bit her tongue and felt her blood pressure spike. She would love nothing more than to drop the obnoxious child like a sack of tatoes, but just thinking about Subaru being lost and disappointed kept her focused on the task at hand.

Thankfully, Rem could smell him even with Carina on her back. She followed his trail and halted when it led to the front doors.

Her stomach dropped.

“Oh no…”

Surprisingly, Carina’s voice became serious. “Papa went outside?”

“He must have!” Rem answered as she quickly opened the door.

“Wait!”

Rem stopped again but couldn’t fathom what could possibly be so important that she had to waste precious time when they needed to find Subaru.

“Put me down.” Carina commanded. “If you can find him faster without me, then hurry and find my Papa.”

Curious about the sudden change of heart, but thankful all the same, Rem decided to ask the girl about it later. She did as Carina said and sprinted outside. The cool night air cut through her nightgown and gave her goosebumps, but she didn’t care. Worry creased her brow.

Where was Subaru going?

As Rem sped off into the night, Carina watched her from the doorway and chewed her lip nervously. If Papa went outside…

When she was sure no one was around to stop her, Carina set off into the darkness alone.

“I said wait, damn you!” Subaru shouted as he ran to catch up to the dark figure that was clearly ignoring him.

Somehow the short figure managed to stay ahead of him all the way to the edge of the Astrea’s land. They were about to the main gate, which consisted of a brick gatehouse with tall metal fencing running from either side. There didn’t seem to be anyone around, but the two of them, so he couldn’t rely on anyone to stop the sword wielding weirdo. Subaru hoped that by reaching the main gate, it’d stop or slow down whoever that was enough he could catch up. But of course, nothing was that simple.

The locked gate did nothing to slow them down.

To Subaru’s shock, the figure gave themselves a running start then leapt on to the side of the gatehouse, parkoured off the wall to grasp and deftly flip over the fence.

“Argh! Of course!” Subaru growled. “How the hell am I to follow that?”

Bound and determined, Subaru threw himself at the fence and tried climbing it. He almost made it to the top when he heard that voice again from the cobblestone path below.

“Get down, you idiot!”

Subaru looked down and saw the figure standing there rubbing their temples in aggravation.

“If climbing this fence gets you to talk, then I’ll climb it all night!” Subaru shouted. “Who are you and why the hell were you ignoring me?”

The figure groaned. He was pretty sure it was a girl. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“Stop ignoring me!”

Subaru reached the top of the fence and was stopped by the elegantly spiked tips. Sweat rolled down his body and face from not only the physical effort, but the anxiety of how he was going to safely vault over and not impale himself. A sad truth came to mind while he contemplated his next actions.

Did his safety even matter, if he could just come back to life?

Subaru snarled as a new wave of sorrow and anger washed over him. What worth did his life have now? If what he knew about himself was true, he was a ticking time bomb whose only purpose was to suffer painful death after painful death. To him, that meant he was less than worthless. He was a danger to everyone, but why was he? Why did he have… whatever rage fueled insanity killed Rem and Carina’s Mama?

To understand himself, he needed answers. Whoever this person was, he felt they’d have some insight for him, piece of the puzzle. They had to. If not… what hope did he have left?

Mustering the cold resolve in his chest, Subaru went to climb over the top of the fence. Right as he pulled himself up and got a foot in between the spikes, that same foot slipped from under him and he fell in a perfect dive to skewer himself.

At least, that’s what the split second of terror told him was happening until something hard hit him in the face and sent him falling backwards over the fence.

Subaru landed flat on his back with the wind knocked out of him. Had some sort of rock hit him? That’s what it certainly felt like. Subaru rolled on to his stomach and tried to get his lungs to take in air again. He wondered if what hit him had broken his nose or cheek if the pain was any indicator.

Still determined to get answers despite the pain, Subaru looked to where the figure had been standing and tried to get to his feet.

Only they were gone.

“Damn it!" Subaru screamed and pulled on fistfuls of his hair.

Rem followed his scent like a bloodhound across the grounds and found where he must have laid on the grass. Even without trying, it was easy to see the trampled flowers that pointed to the main gate. The idea that Subaru was running away again crossed her mind, but Rem refused to let him leave again. She didn’t care if she had to beg and plead or even drag him back herself, Subaru was in no state to be alone.

The sky had turned a lightless black by the time she found him, alone and in pain.

Subaru was on his knees and cradling his face with one hand and punching the ground with the other. Tears of frustration pooled in his eyes as he grits his teeth. Rem didn’t understand what was wrong, but she didn’t care right now.

During his breakdown, Rem slid to a stop on her bare knees across the grass to envelope the raven-haired boy in her embrace. He tensed up at her touch, but Rem took the chance. She held him against her and ran the fingers of one hand lovingly through his sweaty hair.

“Subaru, what are you doing out here?” Rem asked worriedly, tears of relief in her eyes.

“Let go of me, Rem.” Subaru breathed while his whole body shook in her arms. He didn’t want her near him right now, not when he was this upset. It was too dangerous, and he’d be damned if he did something awful again.

But Rem didn’t release him. 

“You’re scaring me, Subaru! Why won’t you let Rem help you?”

“I said let me go!”

Rem didn’t expect him to snap or suddenly push her away, but he hadn’t done it hard enough to hurt her. It was just enough force for her to get the hint and untangle himself from him. The loss of his body heat made her shiver as she sat there, helpless as Subaru stood and let out his frustrations now several steps away.

“What the hell is going on?!” Subaru shouted at the ground. With his injury, he didn’t know if his head hurt because of the rock or if he was close to losing his mind again. His next words came out as a pathetic whimper as he sucked in the cold night air. “I don’t want this…”

“S-Subaru?” Rem asked hesitantly.

Then, his anger was aimed at her.

“Stop coddling me, Rem!” He twisted his shoulders and neck to glare at the blue maid, but didn’t turn his body to face her. “I’m not who you think I am, okay? I’m not your hero, I never was! I’m not… I’m not the Subaru you knew! I don’t even know who I am!”

Rem just sat there in silence; her red rimmed eyes bravely fixated on his own past the tears that hung off her lashes. She didn't understand what he meant, not completely, but that was okay.

“I’m a fraud, a fake! Everything you think I’ve done hasn’t been some miracle performed by some amazing person who just fell into your life! Can’t you see that? Can’t anyone see that?”

He looked away from her, unable to stand that look in her eyes. “I’m a pathetic parasite that’s been manipulating everyone into thinking I’m the hero, but I’m not! I’m… I’m…”

“… Rem knows.”

“What the hell do you know?” Subaru is unable to stop himself from turning to face Rem. His hands curled into tight, shaking fists but he kept his distance from her. “You don’t know anything about what I’m dealing with! If you did, you’d never call me a hero or say you’re my Rem!”

Rem held his gaze, her lips trembling with barely contained emotion.

“Then let me help you.”

He stared at the bruising on her face and felt rage at himself, past and present, ignite anew. She tried to help him before and look what that got her. Rem ended up in a coma for a year because of his actions. Even if she was suspicious of him in the beginning, Rem had waited for him to return to her. His choices were a direct cause to the awful state she was in. Pale, underweight, exhausted, and sad. Some fucking hero he was. Its no wonder Ram had wanted to hurt him.

“How can you help with this? How can anyone ever help me?”

“I won’t know until you talk to me, Subaru!” Rem pulled herself to her feet and practically screamed in his face. “Tell me everything you need to say, take whatever pain you have out on me, or just let me hold your hand when you need to know someone cares about you! I don’t care what I have to be or what I have to do, all I know is I want to be beside my hero every step of the way!”

“Your hero doesn’t exist anymore, Rem! He’s gone, and you know what? I think that is the best damn thing!”

Rem was taken aback, but she didn’t back down. Her face was flushed as she took a tentative step forward, the only indication she was anything but angry with him. Rem felt something cold hit her exposed skin from above. It was beginning to drizzle, but it did nothing to put out the fire of her righteous indignation.

“Have you thought even once about how I feel?!” She shouted, her own voice startling her but she refused to back down.

“Of course I-“

“No, you haven’t, not truly! If you had you’d know how much I’ve missed you, Subaru!” Rem grabbed him the collar of his shirt and grit her teeth. “Do you want to know what haunts me the most? My biggest regret, the thing that I would die for if I could just change this one, stupid thing?”

The flood gates opened and a shivering Rem began to sob and weep openly before the boy she held captive.

“If I could go back… I’d go back and tell you ‘yes’.”

Silence. He didn’t understand, but he could tell that this meant something to her. What is she talking about? Rem, without any input, elaborated.

“That day you decided to face the Witch Cult and slay the White Whale, you looked to broken and full of self-loathing. You tried to convince me of all the terrible things you see in yourself, and you… you tried to convince me to run away with you, but I… I said ‘no’.”

The idea that his past self, the other Subaru, had been in this exact situation with Rem before was chilling. He had known back then he was a fraud and tried to get her to see it... and yet...

Rem felt her legs growing weak, but Subaru did not hold her steady. As the rain fell in heavier, colder drops it felt like she was going to drown there alone. Part of her wished she could.

“I thought if you ran away and never faced your feelings, if you abandoned your duty, that the Subaru I loved would cease to be.”

Subaru felt his heart stir with ice and warmth, fear and longing. It made him sick with himself. “Stop…”

“I pushed you to be a hero to more than just me, and you succeeded… But I see now, because of me, because of my selfish love of who you were and who you would become that all I did was push you down the road that ended in that damn cell!” Rem’s voice broke at the mention of Priestella, but nothing would stop her words from reaching him. “If I could… I would go back and take your hand. I’d say yes and we would spend the rest of our lives laughing about the future together. We could have gotten married, bought a house, opened a shop, and had children that would never know what it was like to grow up without love!” She weakly shook him by the collar of his shirt as her tears mixed with the rain that soaked them to the bone.

“When I woke up, I vowed I’d take you away and we’d have that future… But you were already gone. You vanished and… it destroyed me!” She buried her face in his chest, but refused to let him go. It felt like a tsunami of emotions was crashing inside of her, one she was helpless to fight or control. “Don’t tell me you weren’t my hero! I know you’re not perfect, I know you won’t be the same man who thawed my heart, but I know how I feel, and I know what you mean to me! You will always be my hero, no matter how much you change!”

Subaru felt Rem sliding down as her legs finally gave out, but he didn’t let her fall. He caught her and held her tightly, the fire in his eyes doused by the pain in her own. She nuzzled him as they descended to the ground, but Subaru only felt guilt and anger from her unwavering devotion. His own dam burst, but not with tears or a raging fire. It was quiet, one that lacked the fury from before. This break was from the cold, dark pit that had formed inside him from the events of the previous night. The words slipped off his tongue before he could regret them. She deserved to know the truth, even if she shunned him.

Maybe if she did, it would finally set her free.

“Does a hero kill the mother of his daughter?”

Rem, still unable to reign herself in, managed to register what he said and widen her eyes in shock.

“I don’t know why or how… But I think… I murdered Carina’s mom.” Subaru said numbly and squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t bear to see Rem’s face when reality sunk in. “If I did… If I-“

“You wouldn’t-“

“But what if I did? I saw it, Rem. I saw her… and I think I killed her.” Subaru sighed as Rem pulled away from him. “I’m not… your Subaru.”

Two chilled hands caressed his cheeks. He didn’t open his eyes, and Rem didn’t ask him to. If he had, he would have seen a certain light in Rem’s eyes come alive amidst the disbelief and horror.

Something intense. Dangerous.

“You wouldn’t do that.” Rem said, pressing her forehead against his as she shivered against his equally cold body. “I doubt Carina would love you as much as she does if you had.”

“I’m not so sure anymore, Rem.”

“Why?”

“Because I… I killed you, too.”

Intense pain cut through his mind and what felt like ice gripped his chest, filling him with dread and left him trembling once again. Fear enveloped him, but Subaru preserved through the pain with the same shambling tenacity of the living dead. He had to sat the words, even if they killed him. He had to try to confess, to give Rem the truth. Subaru needed Rem to hear his words.

Rem pulled her head back and wiped at her eyes. Surely she heard him wrong, it just wasn’t possible. “Subaru, what are you talking about? Your Rem is right here.”

“You’re here.” Subaru said and took a shuddering breath. “Rem, you’re here because after I killed you… I died and returned to the past.”

Chapter Text

“I don’t understand.” Rem said as she struggled to understand what Subaru was talking about. It just didn’t seem possible. She trusted him not to lie, but it just sounded so unbelievable. Her hero would never kill her, nor was it possible to come back to life let alone go back in time. At least, she’d never heard of such a thing.

Subaru, on the other hand, thought she didn’t believe him. His eyes shot open to meet the blue oni’s gaze and shuddered to see Rem giving him her complete, undivided attention. For some reason, that made him worry even more than if she had been horrified.

“It’s like I said! I killed you, and then-“

“Did you mean to kill Rem?”

The words got stuck in his throat. Rem stared into his eyes like he was some encrypted message she had to decipher, but she didn’t seem scared of him or his confession. Instead, she seemed worried about something else. Was she seriously concerned whether he had meant to kill her than dying by his hand in the first place?

“I would never want to hurt you, Rem! I’m sorry, I don’t understand what happened!” He cried, desperate for her to understand what was haunting him.

To his shock, Rem looked relieved and let her hands rest near his throat. Sensing confusion, Rem explained, “Subaru, I’d give you my everything, if need be. Tell your Rem what happened.”

Despite everything, Subaru still felt his heartbeat pick up at Rem’s declaration, but he didn’t let it deter him now. Something felt off with her. “Today wasn’t my first day here… This is my second time reliving this day. In fact, the first time went so differently…”

Rem stared at him with open intensity. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it, until he felt her fingers grip the collar of his shirt again with renewed strength. That intensity felt too much like bloodlust. “Your second time? Does that mean… you…?”

“Y-Yeah, I… died.” Subaru whispered the last word nervously.

Rem’s voice was cold. “Who hurt you? Tell me.”

Should he? Rem was starting to scare him a little, but surely, she’d understand. Ram was her sister, her twin! His death, at least to him, had been justified and a result of his own sickness. To put that dark wedge between the twins felt evil.

So, for the first time, he lied to Rem.

“It was… it was an accident. After you died, I… couldn’t…”

“Who hurt you, Subaru?”

He clenched his jaw and steeled his nerves for what he felt like was an impending disaster.

“I did it to myself.” Subaru blurted out, though the conflicted look in Rem’s eyes said she was both clearly upset by his declaration yet not totally believing it. To drive the narrative home, he added some truth to the cocktail, “I don’t remember anything after the fire.”

“Fire? You started a fire?”

Shit!

“No, I… burned and... I don’t know how the fire started; it was after…” He let his voice trail off again, unwilling to rethink his decapitation. Thankfully, Rem seemed to accept his silence as him either reliving her murder and feeling guilty, or reliving being burned alive. She stroked his throat with her thumbs and then pulled him into a tight hug.

He was stunned. Did she really believe him so quickly, without any proof? The very idea should have sounded completely unhinged, but Rem...

Then it hit him.

The fire...

Where had the fire come from? Did that weird, robed figure have something to do with it last time?

“We have to get back to the mansion!”

Sensing his newfound urgency, Rem pulled away and wiped her rain soaked bangs out of her eyes. She was confused for a moment until the same realization dawned on her. So focused on her beloved’s and her own pain, she hadn’t realized the obvious.

If what he said was true, the fire was scheduled to happen any minute.

Without another word and hands clasped together to prevent being separated, Subaru and Rem raced back to the mansion.

To Subaru’s complete shock, the mansion was still standing. Not only that, but Carina was also splashing around in puddles near the front doors completely soaked. As they neared her, Carina noticed them and happily waved with both arms, completely ignorant of the stress and worry on Subaru and Rem’s faces.

“Papa! Auntie Rem!”

“What the hell is she doing outside?” Subaru asked in a panic as he managed to reach the little blonde first. He immediately scooped her up in his arms and scanned what he could see of the outside of the manor as Carina clung to him with a smile.

Rem went first and walked cautiously towards the entrance to scope out the entry hall. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Subaru carried Carina inside to get her out of the rain, but he didn’t want to let his guard down yet.

“What the heck were you doing outside? Don’t you know that could have been dangerous?” Subaru asked in a whisper the child who huffed and pouted up at her father.

“You’re the one who left me alone, Papa! Don’t blame me because you can’t keep track of your lovely lady!”

Rem looked between the two of them nervously. It had been her that had left Carina unattended, after all.

“Hold on, now! I needed the fresh air. Not to mention, I’m the adult here! Why do I need to explain myself to you?”

“You’re a bad influence, Papa.”

Subaru sighed in defeat. “We don’t have time for this. Let’s go, Rem.”

“Right,” the maid replied.

As Subaru turned away, Rem noticed Carina wearing a cheshire grin and giving her a subtle thumbs up behind his back. That look and gesture reminded Rem of Subaru perfectly. She didn’t fully trust Carina, but at least she hadn’t thrown Rem under the dragon carriage.

“Papa, I’m hungry!” Carina pouted.

“We’ll feed you in a bit, but right now Papa’s got to focus, okay?”

“Fine…”

Leaving a trail of rainwater everywhere they went and refusing to separate again, the trio searched the manor by candlelight as quietly as possible for any signs of a potential fire. After nearly two hours of fruitless searching in cold, damp clothes, they called off the search. It was late and everyone was exhausted, so they decided to find dry clothes and go back to bed.

Maybe with that cloaked figure gone, the fire had been averted. That didn’t sit well with Subaru, though. Whoever they were, it didn’t seem like they had wanted to hurt him, so why set the manor ablaze?

I’m too tired for this, Subaru thought as he dragged a hand down his face.

With Rem’s help, they dried off and found spare clothes for Carina and him, though it was just two plain tunics and a pair of linen pants. Carina wore the second, adult sized tunic like an oversized nightgown and fussed about how it ‘wasn’t cute enough’, until Subaru put his foot down. The little girl instantly minded, to Rem’s surprise. Carina apparently could see how done with the day her Papa was. In fact, she even declined the snack she had requested earlier.

When he went into the walk in closet to change, he managed to peel the dripping wet clothes off his body with minimal frustration. When he did, however, he noticed the bandages around his abdomen were sagging and loose from the rain. Come to think of it, it hadn’t bothered him for a while. Morbid curiosity got the better of him, so Subaru began to unwrap himself and was utterly shocked what he discovered.

There was no wound on his perfectly smooth abdomen, not even a single scar.

He felt his flesh with his fingers, as if he could dispel the illusion with touch. There was no way it was completely gone. If it was, why bandage him in the first place? Why would he have hurt when Rem first hugged him? Standing there with eyes about to bug out of his skull, he struggled to wrap his mind around what was happening. Was this a side effect of his power? Surely not, he had scars according to the others…

Why is this happening to me?

Subaru took several deep breathes and tried to placate his own inclination to panic again. This is a good thing, right? No wounds, no scars, no pain? He should be happy, not everyone was as lucky as him!

Lucky? Sure, whatever. Discovering a new level of fed up, Subaru exited the closet and reunited with the girls.

Before Subaru guided Carina back to Felt’s room, he insisted Rem go and change as well. She was hesitant to leave his side, but only did so when Subaru promised she could join them afterwards. He watched her over his shoulder disappear down the dimly lit hallway with mild concern.

That look wasn’t lost on Carina Natsuki, who kept her expression neutral as her Papa led her by the hand to their room.

Once inside the bedroom, a tired and pained Subaru put Carina atop the blankets. He looked at her rosey face and smiled sadly when she giggled then nuzzled down into the pillows. How he wished things were different, that he could find a quiet place to rediscover who he is, but it wasn’t meant to be. A year away left him with no memories, a mysterious daughter, and an old life of broken friends and grand achievements. What would more time away accomplish, if anything at all?

In a word, Subaru felt… alone. Isolated.

Trapped.

“Don’t cry, Papa,” a small voice said lovingly.

He hadn’t realized he started crying again in his lament. Carina reached up for him and he held her hand in his. As much as he wanted to question it, Carina’s concern warmed his heart. Unable to argue with his feelings, Subaru accepted them and wiped at his eyes with his free hand.

“Was it the bad dreams?” She asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, it was just bad dreams. Sorry your Papa is such a crybaby, kid.” Subaru said with a reassuring smile. He decided to change the focus to her, to avoid anymore unpleasant memories. “Were you outside looking for me?”

Carina nodded but said nothing.

“I’m sorry to have worried you, Carina.”

“It’s okay. Papa saves me from my nightmares, so I want to save you, too!” Carina grinned. She suddenly sat up and held up her other arm. “Mama says that hugs always help Papa when he’s sad!”

Guilt formed a lump in his throat, but Subaru gave the girl the requested hug. She squeezed him tightly and smooshed her rosey cheek against his affectionately. Carina whispered something in his ear, but he couldn’t make it out.

“W-What was that?” He asked.

“I said I love you, Papa. So, you just relax and play with me and the Aunties, okay?”

Subaru didn’t know what to say to that, but there was something he finally did catch. “Wait, did you just call Rem and Ram your ‘Aunties’?”

Carina nodded against his skin. “Yep! Ram and Rem are now my Aunties! They are like family to Papa!”

Oh, the logic of a child.

“Carina, you barely know them. Besides I don’t think they would want to be called Auntie.”

“I bet they’ll like it more than you think.” Carina released him and smirked mischievously, unable to hide her teasing nature.

Yeah, I doubt that, he thought. Deciding to probe a bit, Subaru asked her a question. “Carina, you didn’t happen to see anyone outside, did you?”

“Papa and Auntie. Why? Who did you see?” Carina asked, suddenly looking very curious.

What should he say? He didn’t want to scare her, but wondered if she’d know who that cloaked figure was. They certainly knew him, after all, and as frustrating as it had been they hadn’t exactly hurt him more than a rock to the face- which still hurt like hell, but whatever.

The more he thought about it, the more he wondered if he should ask. He was about to when someone knocked on the door and startled him. Subaru felt Carina grab his hand again and squeeze it tight, but to comfort him not vice versa. After a knowing sigh, Subaru told who he assumed was just Rem to come in. To his surprise, it wasn’t just the blue oni but also an exhausted looking Ram.

“Ram? What’re you doing here?” Subaru asked, genuinely confused.

The pinkette sighed tiredly and crossed her arms over her chest. “Ram woke up because she felt her sister’s distress again. Ram waited for her to return and tell her what was going on, so now troublesome Barusu gets two beautiful maidens in his room. Be grateful.”

Subaru felt awful Ram was now involved, but it couldn’t be helped now. Even if the pink maid looked irritable and her words were biting, her tone of voice was gentle. It made him feel she wasn’t as bothered as she pretended, or maybe she was concerned.

Rem seemed more relaxed with her sister beside her, so despite his slight apprehension he let Ram tactlessly take a seat on the bed and rub the sleep from her pink eyes.

Ram really is a good sister, Subaru decided. I wonder if I ever had a sibling as supportive as her.

Rem walked up to Subaru and Carina, a hairbrush in hand.

“I can brush Carina’s hair, if you’d like.” She offered.

“Does she need to have it brushed?” Subaru asked, only to receive stares from the three females in the room.

“It’s not good for girls to go to sleep with messy, damp hair, Subaru.” Rem gently pointed out.

Feeling like an idiot, Subaru lightly blushed and let Rem sit beside Carina. The little blonde sat up as though she knew the routine and let Rem gently brush her long, damp locks. Subaru was amazed at how loving Rem was with the strange girl beside her, and equally so with how much Carina seemed to be enjoying it.

“Auntie Rem is just as good at brushing Carina’s hair as Papa!” Carina declared happily.

“Auntie?” Rem blinked a few times and paused, but then continued her work.

Even Ram caught that and looked at the young Natsuki incredulously. “What exactly have you told this child, Barusu?”

Subaru couldn’t help but blush, seeing the hidden meaning behind her question.

“Carina has decided you both shall be her Aunties! Be grateful!” Carina giggled, using Ram’s words and mannerisms against her.

“I’m sorry, you two.” Subaru said, embarrassed. “I told her you’d not-“

“Ram said no such thing, Barusu.”

No one expected Ram’s reply, least of all Rem. She turned her head and stared from across the bed like Ram had turned into a mabeast and did a backflip. When their eyes momentarily met, Ram looked away with burning cheeks.

“S-Sister?” Rem asked, the hairbrush nearly slipping from her hand.

“The way Ram sees it, poor Carina is stuck with silly Barusu. She’ll need all the help she can get with a father like him.” Ram deflected, still looking away with crimson cheeks.

Subaru didn’t bother defending himself, but Rem and Carina did.

“I’m sure Subaru is a great father.” Rem said, somehow looking forlorn while blushing.

“Papa is a good Papa!” Carina said, turning her head to admonish the pink oni. “He always takes care of us!”

“Then Auntie Ram shall make sure he continues to do so.” Ram said, trying to sound bored of the topic.

Once again no one was sure of how to respond, even the feisty Carina.

Rem felt like a failure. Her twin’s casual declaration of total support made Rem jealous for two reasons. One, Ram wasn’t held back by the fear of overstepping any boundaries with Subaru. Her own life was hopelessly uprooted over this man, so what was stopping them now? Second, it was because Rem hadn’t made her own intentions clear sooner. Ram, knowing how much Subaru meant to Rem, had thrown her lot in with him before Rem said a word about it to her or Carina.

Biting her lip, Rem stared at the back of her twin’s head with mixed feelings.

Carina, on the other hand, nervously kept her eyes down to hide her dark amusement while her Papa slumped down on the bed on her unoccupied side.

“Listen, everyone, there is something you all need to know.” Subaru said as he gently took Carina’s hand and brought her gaze up to meet his. He waited for Ram to look his way before continuing. Deciding it was best to just rip off the bandage right from the start; he steeled his nerves and bluntly told them the truth.

“I lost my memories.”

The hurt in Carina’s eyes broke his heart.

Ram narrowed her eyes with suspicion. “How is that if you remember us, Barusu?”

“Listen to him, Ram. Please?” Rem quietly begged, keeping her eyes glued on his face in horror and putting the hairbrush on the bed beside her. This was the first time any of them were hearing this, but if what he told her outside was true then…

Rem felt tears gather in her eyes. This is what he meant by ‘I’m not your Subaru’.

“Papa, you really don’t remember me or Mama…?” Carina asked, her lower lip trembling.

Subaru miserably shook his head and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. The youngest Natsuki quickly crawled into her Papa’s lap. She held in her sobs but couldn’t reign back the few tears that escaped her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Carina. I really am.” Subaru whispered into her hair as he hugged her tightly. Once again, Carina’s acceptance spoke volumes to him. He felt awful, but he knew she could handle this.

He looked up when another set of arms enveloped them and met Rem’s tearful gaze with a heavy heart. She held his head against her chest and pressed her face against the top of his hair. Unable to believe for a moment that he’d lie, Rem felt her heart breaking all over again.

“You didn’t answer my question, Barusu.” Ram said as she felt her own disbelief rising. Concerned and frightened, she didn’t notice her slip in speech.

“This is my second time relieving their night.” Subaru explained once again. “I met you all, we had an entire day to talk before I looped back in time and returned to the previous day… That’s when I had the seizure.”

Ram’s eyes widened, but she still couldn’t believe it. “That kind of magic is unheard of. I doubt even Lord Roswaal would be capable of such a thing, so where would you have even learned a spell like that?”

“I don’t understand it myself.” He said, and then heard Carina whisper something. “What was that, Carina?”

“Nightmares,” she whispered a little louder and clung a little tighter. “Papa always has nightmares…”

The full weight of his revelation fell like a curtain being torn down to reveal a poorly veiled truth, one he should have seen and understood by its silhouette alone. Carina really was being strong for his sake. This child, his child, knew her Papa was so pathetic that she felt like she had to protect him. He didn’t know if she understood the reason for his nightmares, but he prayed to any deity that was listening she didn’t. Carina didn’t need to shoulder that burden too.

“Nightmares? You go back in time through nightmares?” Ram asked. She wanted to understand, but unlike Rem she didn’t blindly trust Subaru.

“No, it’s my returns to the past that give me nightmares.” Subaru answered and felt Rem’s embrace tighten.

Ram remembered how Subaru had apparently suffered from constant nightmares, according to Beatrice. Still, why would returning to the past upset him so much? She groaned in frustration, failing to understand how the goofball of a butler she knew could possess such an impossible power.

“Barusu-“

“Sister, can you take Lady Carina to the kitchens and prepare a snack? I believe she never received one.” Rem said as she finally pulled away from Subaru and stroked his hair lovingly.

“I’m not hungry anymore!” Carina instantly protested. She didn’t want to leave her Papa.

Seeing what Rem was trying to do, Subaru pat Carina’s head to get her attention. “What if your Auntie and Papa want a snack? I never had dinner, you know.”

Carina shot a hard stare at Subaru. It was obvious she wasn’t falling for his ploy, but she could see her Papa also wanted her out of the room for a few minutes. She was visibly upset and he could see she wanted to protest. To his surprise and relief, Carina looked away in defeat and nodded sadly.

It hurt his heart to see Carina so heartbroken, but for better or worse, it helped solidify his resolve to not let her hear any more about his traumatic ability. Subaru knew Carina loved him, and he had to repay that love somehow. It was up to him to protect from her own nightmares, right? He could feel her warmth towards him. If Rem was a fire in his perception, Carina was a small star that revolved around him.

As both a thank you and a request, Subaru gently lifted his hand, gently kissed the top of Carina’s blonde head, and placed his hand over that spot. Carina’s puffy eyes grew to the size of saucers as she stared once again into her Papa’s identical senpaku eyes. Her expression contorted and finally broke down into happy tears and ugly sobs as she threw her arms around his neck and nuzzled his throat. The extreme reaction caught him by surprise, but he understood how she must feel. This was too much for a child to handle.

“I love you, Papa!” Carina bawled.

“I know you do.” Subaru said, feeling guilty he couldn’t fully return her sentiments.

The poor girl continued, though it was hard to understand what she was saying through her blubbering. “I’ll keep you safe, Papa! No matter what, I won’t let you have anymore nightmares!”

Subaru wished he could believe that. It took a few minutes for Carina to calm down, but after it didn’t take much for Ram to lead her by the hand to the door. Both girls looked over their shoulders at Rem and Subaru, one with love and concern while another was suspicious and promised their conversation wasn’t over.

With a soft click of the door, they were alone again. Subaru turned to face Rem on the bed and wasn’t surprised by what he saw.

Her tear-streaked face was empty and utterly exhausted.

“I’m such an awful person,” she muttered aloud.

Confused, Subaru asked, “What do you mean?”

Rem laughed humorlessly and covered her face with her hands.

“I didn’t truly understand what you meant before. You said you aren’t my Subaru anymore and I… I didn’t think that meant…” Rem gulped in air as she tried to keep her body from shaking. “Damn it, how could I be so stupid?”

Subaru tried to comfort the kind girl and reached out to touch her. To his surprise, she gently pushed his hand away and shook her head. Understanding what she meant, he rested his hand in his lap and sat there uselessly.

“You didn’t realize I lost my memories, right?”

Rem nodded and covered her mouth with the remaining hand on her face.

Subaru understood. He hadn’t really explained anything to Rem about it. To her, this was the first time hearing this information, unlike him who was on his second run. He’d have to keep that in mind.

“You didn’t know, Rem. No one did. I’m sure to all of you, I was…” Crazy? Traumatized? Normal? Subaru still wasn’t sure who he was, even if he understood how they saw him through their eyes. Part of him wondered just how much the old Subaru agonized in their mind with a smile on their face.

Why hadn’t he confided in others? Rem had hinted that the old Subaru had secrets behind his jovial nature, ones that he never shared. Subaru has proven he could tonight, so why didn’t the other Subaru? Did he think himself a hero and did everything to maintain that image? If so, he must have been much more prideful then. Sadly, there were too many ifs and not enough answers.

“I’m sorry, Subaru…” Rem said and hung her head. “Outside, I was so selfish. I threw my feelings and expectations on you because I didn’t truly understand anything…”

“Don’t beat yourself up about it. I get it.” Subaru gently soothed.

“It still doesn’t make it right. I just struggled with these thoughts and feelings I wanted to share with you for so long…” Rem’s voice trembled, but she kept it together. “Even now all I want is to hold you. I really am a demon…”

Subaru tried to speak, but Rem beat him to it.

“Subaru, please know I won’t make the same mistake again. I won’t force my feelings on you, nor will I expect anything from you. This is about you, not me. It wasn’t fair of me…”

This time, Rem was the one who reached for his hand, but quickly retracted it and held it against her chest. She heaved a great sigh and raised her head to blink away tears in frustration with herself. How could she have expected anything more than this? She couldn’t imagine the hell Subaru must have gone through, both before and now. It made her sick.

“It’s not fair to treat you like the Subaru I idolized. You… You aren’t him. You are the Subaru you are now, whoever that may be.”

Subaru felt his chest ache for Rem. Here she was, wanting to reunite with her hero, her Subaru, but instead she got him. It was like the universe was taunting her with the cure to all of her pain. He felt a great deal of respect for the maturity and understanding she was displaying at the expense of her own heart, and while he wished he could give her the closure she needed he knew he couldn’t as he was. She was being so strong for him. Part of him wished they really had run away together in that fairytale past. If they had, maybe then…

As lost as he was with his own sense of self, he appreciated and felt guilty for Rem’s self-sacrifice.

He smiled as warmly as he could and offered his hand once again. Subaru knew what he wanted to say now. It wouldn’t be the first time he suggested it to Rem, but this time…

They weren’t starting from zero.

“Then would you like to get to know each other again, as friends?” Subaru asked.

Rem stared at his hand in hesitation. “Subaru, I don’t… I don’t know if I…”

“I’m not expecting things to change overnight, Rem.” He said, silencing her protest. “I get you can’t treat me like a stranger, and that I can’t be the Subaru you knew. So, let’s compromise and just be friends. We’ll not push or expect anything from each other and see where that leads us, okay?”

Silence.

Then to his relief, Rem’s lips curved into a gentle smile full of bittersweet joy.

She took his hand and savored the feeling of his skin. This wasn’t the first time her heart was broken, but she didn’t mind. It was worth having him back, even as a stranger.

“Thank you, Subaru. You’re… so kind, you know that?” Rem was thankful she avoided using the word ‘still’.

His smile fell, much to Rem’s disappointment, but he refused to ruin this moment with his melancholy. “I’m glad you think so.”

They sat there in silence as Subaru no doubt reflected on his visions. Unwilling to let him spiral, Rem asked him a question that she knew would bring him out of it. Internally, she smiled with newfound and conflicting mischief.

“Would you mind if I slept in here tonight?”

Subaru’s brain misfired. It took a few seconds before he could register what Rem was asking. Flushing slightly, Subaru rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Uh, well… Sure. I don’t think Carina will mind, but what will Ram think?”

Oddly enough, Rem couldn’t find it in her to care about what Ram thought about it.

She’ll understand,” Rem assured him with the sweetest of smiles. Things had changed so much in just a day that Rem couldn’t help but want to tease him a bit, even if it was just to keep an eye on him. Her shoulders slumped tiredly, something she tried to cover by innocently adjusting her seating posture.

Subaru noticed Rem’s fatigue because it matched his own. It was obvious she wanted to say something, and he figured he knew what it was. While he wasn’t sure about that barrier, he was comfortable to offer something else.

“Do you want a hug?” He asked.

Rem was mildly surprised, but thankful for the offer. She smiled as her heart skipped a beat. “Didn’t we just talk about this?”

Subaru sheepishly scratched his cheek with a finger and nodded. “Yeah, but friends hug, right? Besides, I kinda just need to know that you and I are okay.”

Something flashed in the eyes of the blue beauty. He wasn’t sure what it meant, but it looked like something he said fulfilled some hidden conditions. Rem scooted closer to him on the bed with half-lidded eyes and raised her arms to invite him closer.

Even though it was his idea, that look in her eyes made him hesitate. After all the embracing they’d done already, a hug seemed tame. It wasn’t that it bothered him to do so. If he was totally honest, he really enjoyed being close to Rem.

Looking at her now, there was a strange feeling in his gut, as if hugging Rem right now was somehow… important. Unable to discern why he’d feel that way, the two of them embraced in a friendly yet still intimate manner.

“I promise I’ll do better, Subaru. I won’t expect anything from you. As long as you’re safe and happy, that’s enough for me.” Rem said just above a whisper in his ear.

“Thank you, Rem. You’re a good friend.”

Rem smiled, that dangerous glint unknowingly returning to her eyes at his praise.

I’ll protect you this time, Subaru. No matter who threatens you… Rem’s thoughts turned dark as several faces flashed through her mind. Smug with purple hair, a naïve elf with silver hair, a child with butterfly pupils, a boy with cat ears, and even a greedy clown. No one will hurt you ever again.

In a way, the two of them were fortunate. Subaru didn’t have the memories of every death he’d suffered, nor did he remember everyone. If he only knew them from a single day before, it was safe to assume every friendly face outside the manor would be a stranger to him. As cruel as it felt, Rem knew this was crucial time for Subaru’s relationships.

Maybe she could… help him realize who had his best interests at heart. She was his friend, and friends look out for each other. They never let them get involved with people who would just end up hurting them. No, they sure don’t, and she’d be damned someone hurt her Su- friend again.

Rem gently squeezed Subaru’s torso and to her delight he returned the gesture. He always had such a good heart, she thought. At least that hasn’t changed. If only I could-

That’s when the door suddenly opened to reveal Carina and an irritated Ram carrying a small food platter of sliced fruit and vegetables, a pitcher of water, and four glasses on a serving tray. The two separated and blushed furiously under Ram’s glare. Even Carina looked somewhat annoyed as she helped Ram enter by holding the door open.

“Typical. Barusu enjoys Ram's sister in the bedroom while she slaves away in the kitchen for them and his child.” Ram said with a judgmental stare and a light dusting on her cheeks.

“It wasn’t like that!” Subaru hurriedly explained as he waved his hands in front of him defensively.

“Yes, it was just a friendly gesture!” Rem said with a strained smile, both embarrassed and agitated at the poorly time interruption.

“Told ya should’ve made a move.” Carina muttered, causing Ram's blush to deepen. The only other person to hear the blonde’s remark was Rem, and she kept her expression neutral past her own redness.

The little blonde hurried back into bed and sat up on her knees to pat a large unoccupied section of the bed where she wanted the platter placed, but Ram was still glaring. Rem jumped up and helped her sister with the food and drink, looking sheepish and embarrassed.

Thank you for doing this, Ram. We appreciate it.” Subaru said, a sentiment Rem and Carina seconded.

As everyone tentatively began to snack, Ram sat on the bed across from Subaru and watched him bite into a sliced fruit from the corner of her eye. She could silently admit she cared about Barusu, but she refused to play Carina’s game. It wasn’t like that between them, and she knew it.

Yet she caught herself staring. She looked away and met Rem’s seemingly pleasant stare. Her sister appeared to be contemplating something. Ram felt embarrassed again at being caught and hoped her sister didn’t have the wrong idea.

“Something the matter, Rem?”

“Not at all.” Rem replied as she sipped her water to soothe her parched throat. “I’m just admiring you.”

Ram blinked in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“Let’s talk about it later. For now, let’s eat and then we should finish our earlier discussion.”

Subaru, who had been quiet until now, hated to admit Rem was right. Ram was already involved so he needed to help her understand. The only issue was how much does he tell her, and how will he keep Carina in the dark if she’s five feet away? At the very least, he could try to explain his lack of memories minus the gory details about his time traveling and visions.

Ram, to everyone’s surprise, sat quietly and let him speak with little to no interruptions. It was obvious she remained a bit skeptical, but at least she wasn’t disrespectful. She knew as well as anyone that it was possible for his memories to be taken, but why would anyone want to do that? As far as she was aware, he most likely had his memories prior to this morning.

Was it a curse? A long-term side effect to Gluttony’s power? She was at a loss. Seeing the distress on everyone’s face, however, made her inclined to believe Barusu’s claims. Even if she had a hard time believing him capable of time travel.

Eventually, Ram had to shelve the conversation.

“Ram will hear more about Barusu’s divine powers another time. For now, everyone should get some rest. Dawn isn’t too far away and us maidens need our beauty sleep.”

The other three in the room were quite surprised.

“A-Are you sure, Ram? I don’t mind staying up.” Subaru offered.

“Ah, Barusu considers himself a maiden then?”

“What? No, I just figured you’d want more answers.”

She did, but that didn’t change the fact that she and Rem have jobs to do in the morning. When she pointed this out, Subaru felt guilty for keeping everyone up so late. In the chaos, he had forgotten that he and Carina were the only freeloaders here.

After the light snacking was done, Ram immediately tried to take her sister and wish them goodnight. When she discovered that Rem was adamant about spending the night in there with Subaru, Ram’s entire body screeched to a halt.

“Sister, I can’t allow that.” Ram said in a state of shock at Rem’s boldness.

Carina shot Ram a mischievous look, one that carried an unspoken challenge. Subaru on the other hand, looked embarrassed and ready to bury his head in the dirt.

“Rem doesn’t see why not. She merely wishes to make sure their rest remains undisturbed.” Rem said, unbothered by Ram’s refusal.

Ram was about to comment that Barusu didn’t need a nanny, but then again… It was Barusu.

“Very well. Ram shall stay here tonight as well.”

Silence. Then…

“Where the heck is everyone supposed to sleep?” Subaru asked, addressing the obvious problem. There was only one king-sized bed, one couch, and two plush chairs. He didn’t like the idea of anyone having to sleep how Reinhard did earlier in the chair, so Subaru made up his mind that he’d be the one in the least comfortable spot before he’d let the girls take it. Its not like he couldn’t sleep on the floor, either.

“Where Papa sleeps, I sleep!” Carina stubbornly declared as if this were a race.

“I am happy anywhere.” Rem said, meaning every word.

“Ram refuses to sleep on the floor or the couch again. It was far too uncomfortable on her poor, delicate neck.” The pinkette said, ignoring the mixed stares she was receiving.

Subaru groaned. He could see where this was going.

And he wanted none of it.

“All of you just take the bed. I’ll take the couch.”

Rem and Carina tried to protest.

“But I wanna sleep beside Papa!”

“Subaru, you’re injured and our guest! We can’t possibly let you sleep there!” Rem fussed and struggled with some unseen battle before she lowered her eyes in defeat. “You should take the bed. I’ll take the couch.”

“Not happening.” Subaru said as he got off the bed and tried to meet her concerned expression with a disarming smile. “This works out fine, Rem. Promise.”

“But Subaru…”

“No buts! Let’s all just get some sleep.”

The night went quickly after that, with most of the girls reluctantly taking the bed. Carina whined for a while, but Ram apparently felt no guilt since she was asleep almost instantly. Subaru took the couch and was just eager to rest his eyes for a while. Thankfully, no bad dreams plagued him this night, at least none in his mind.

What he didn’t know was there was a bad dream watching him through the window, eager to bring her own dreams to life.

Chapter Text

“Carina, it’s getting dark! Where are you going?”

The crimson eyed girl ignored the protests of her sisters as she dashed across the snow with a tear-streaked face. It didn’t matter how cold it was or how much her skin hurt from the biting wind. She welcomed the pain. To her, it was what someone as unlovable as her deserved.

Carina didn’t know how far she ran or where she was even going. The voices called out to her, once loud and at her back, had eventually faded enough to be swallowed by the rapidly approaching blizzard. If she was lucky, maybe the freezing temperatures would kill her before they found her.

By this time, the only light she had were the few stars that remained unobstructed and the pure white surface of virgin snow. Carina hugged herself as she forced one foot in front of the other. She had to put distance between her and her family.

After what felt like forever, Carina finally let her limbs succumb to the numbing pain and fell into a snowdrift. She didn’t know how long it had been since she’d laid there and wished she could fade away into nothing. Long enough that she was sure no one was looking for her. Why should they, after what she did to Mama?

Carina broke her promise and hurt Mama. The horror in her eyes wasn’t something Carina had expected, and Papa had shouted when he found Mama crying in her room. Everything about her Papa oozed violent intent. It was enough to terrify the tiny blonde who was fully aware what her Papa was capable of. She’d heard what others called him- ‘The Black Swordsman’. She’d seen him wield his blade, and while it was awful to witness, what was scarier was his expression. His change in demeaner when he shouted at her was a subtle thing, but the biggest tell was his eyes. She’d seen him cut down dozens of people with the same tired, disinterested stare that he wore when reading his girls a bedtime story or playing house. The only difference was their intensity.

Papa’s eyes could have burned holes through her if she had stayed a moment longer.

It was obvious he hated her now, and she understood. It’s not like she wasn’t her Papa’s biggest burden. More than anything, she wanted her Papa to know how much she and everyone loved him and yet she always caused issues. How many people close to Papa have died because of her? She truly didn’t know.

If it made him feel loved, she’d happily give her life for him. He deserved it after everything he’s done for her.

As snow piled atop her tiny body, she thought about how much the family her Papa built meant to him. Maybe in another life she could finally stop making stupid mistakes and behave like the daughter she was supposed to be.

“Mama and Papa would be happier without me…”

Carina closed her eyes and let the tears freeze to her lashes. Her numb body shivered uncontrollably.

If this was her end, then she’d accept her fate.

The howling wind obscured the sounds of rapidly approaching footsteps until they were almost on top of her. Carina kept silent, but it was no use. Two hands plunged into the deep snow, hooked under her armpits, and lifted her up. She wept and curled into herself, unable to face her savior. She could hear the growls of several beasts surrounding them and feel her body press into someone’s chest.

“Carina, you’re freezing,” said the voice of her Papa. She felt him open his long winter coat and tuck her against his sweater while he pulled the coat closed around them both. As he untied his orange scarf in order to wrap it around Carina’s neck and face, the pommel of the sword on his hip poked her back. His voice would sound empty and dead to most, but she could hear the subtle differences in his tone. She just couldn’t understand why he sounded worried.

“I don’t deserve warmth, Papa.” Carina cried into the wool of his black sweater.

“What are you talking about? Your Mama and I were worried about you.”

Carina finally looked up at her Papa, his shoulder length hair framing his pale, dead eyed face as he stared down at her.

“But… But isn’t Mama upset with me? Don’t you… hate me, Papa?”

He raised a single eyebrow but then sighed and gave her the smallest of smiles. “I don’t hate you, Carina, and your Mama is more worried about you than herself. Let’s get you home.”

“Home…” Carina repeated uncertainly.

Papa noticed her worry and couldn’t help but be a little impatient with her. Instead of yelling or otherwise giving voice to his negative emotions, he looked to one of the three wolf-like beasts around them and snapped his fingers. The creature stepped forward, its red eyes promising a painful death to anyone other than it’s sworn master. Papa nudged Carina’s cheek with a finger.

“Look at the Ulgarm, Carina.” He said, and she did nervously. They still frightened her. “To everyone, they are vicious and can easily destroy anyone who crosses them. To their pack, they are a family. Each of them looks out for each other and take care of one another. To them, it’s the pack against the world.”

Carina looked up at her Papa, not comprehending where this was going.

“What I’m saying is, you’re part of the family. We make mistakes, we fix them, and we try to always take care of each other. Our family is the most important thing in the world. Like the mabeasts, its us against the world, so when you get home, you’re going to apologize and make things right with Mama. After that, you’ll do better, and everything will be okay.”

“Mama will forgive me if I do?”

Papa smiled again, then repeated. “Only if you mean it and try not to do it again. Clear?”

Carina nodded and cuddled against Papa’s chest. “Do you love me, Papa?”

Her Papa looked down at Carina blankly long enough for a pit to form in her stomach. Instead of addressing her growing despair, he kissed the top of her blonde head. A furious blush spread across her freezing skin as her heart skipped a beat. This was the first time her Papa ever kissed her.

“I do love you, Carina. Just give it time and I’m sure everyone will love you, too.” Papa said as he began the long walk home. The Ulgarms followed closely as guides and guards.

“What if they never love me?” Carina asked, still not convinced. “Would you not love me anymore?”

Since she was curled up Carina couldn’t see his face but could feel his chest heave with a tired sigh. She winced. Had she annoyed Papa with too many questions?

“You know, I was unlovable once.” Papa said in the same bored tone, except this time it was twinged with a deep sadness that Carina recognized intimately. Her Papa was remembering his past. “I was the king of misery and fear, unable to truly love or be loved in return. I did terrible things to everyone around me, including your Mama and Auntie Emilia. It took a very long time and a lot of help from someone special to me, but I was able to find love. I was able to change, at least a little bit.”

Carina felt tears well up in her eyes as guilt gnawed at her insides. Someone special to Papa…

Papa, or rather Subaru Natsuki, looked up towards the pitch-black sky. “It felt impossible to change, and I struggle everyday with my demons, but to me, its worth it. Sounds melodramatic as hell, but if you put in time and effort then you’ll find love, and even if you can’t, your Papa will always love you. Promise.”

That night changed Carina Natsuki. Since then, she never doubted her Papa and put her everything into being the best daughter she could be. After making amends with Mama, Carina still struggled to feel as close with her as she did her Papa. What Carina did to Mama splintered their relationship, but they always did their best to love each other. In those days, Carina’s days with her sister was strained at best, but like with Mama she never gave up on getting close to her.

It all helped Carina realize just how important love was. Without it, her family would fall apart and be lost as her Papa had once been. Just knowing her Papa had already gone through such pain and loneliness before, it made his efforts even more amazing and sincere. Carina decided that it anyone deserved all the love in the world, it was the man who shared it and more with her. She knew that she had wronged him, too, before she ever hurt Mama. Even though losing that special someone hurt him so much, he still rose up to be the best father he could be.

Even if it kills me, Papa. I will make sure you are loved.

When Rem put Carina down to run out into the cold night after Papa, Carina waited before she too made her own journey. It didn’t take long for her to find what she was looking for. During her time away, she thought about that night fondly and let it fill her with resolve. With her Mama gone, things were tense and unpredictable. Carina was used to instability in life, but she had her Mama and Papa both until recently. She wondered if Mama thought about her as much as she did her. Mama was always put in effort to be so kind, so loving, even if Carina didn’t deserve it. She knew she didn’t deserve it, she reminded herself. Not after what she’s done.

Maybe if she did good, then Mama and Papa would finally forgive her.

“Mmm! Nmh!”

Brought out of her thoughts, the blonde puffed out her cheeks in annoyance. Carina Natsuki stood under a large oak tree, unimpressed by what she saw hanging in said tree and struggling like a captured animal.

Above her was a demi-human woman, bound and gagged, suspended by what appeared to be crystallized silk amongst the branches. She was wiggling and jerking around angrily to no avail, which was good for Carina. It just meant she didn’t have to worry about this crazy mutt for the time being. The wait would be much more bearable that way.

Thankfully, the wait wasn’t long, just a few minutes at most before the one she wanted to speak with walked up to them from the shadows of the trees around them. The figure in the drenched cloak and sporting their trademark sword groaned when they spotted Carina.

The little blonde was mildly offended and crossed her arms to show as much.

“Shouldn’t you be with Papa?” The figure asked irritably.

“I would be, but-“ Carina began, but was rudely cut off.

“You’re worried he tried to run away and thought I did something awful to him.”

Carina scowled and tapped her fingers on her opposite arm but nodded.

“I just kept him on the grounds, nothing more.” The figure said and dismissed Carina with a wave of her hand, but the little blonde was staring intensely at her. It pissed them off. “What the hell’s your problem?”

“That’s not all, is it? He saw you, didn’t he?” Carina asked. From the way the figure ignored her, it was all the answer she needed. Carina sighed and pulled at her own blonde locks in frustration. “Maia! Papa is going to ask questions! How is this lovely lady supposed to get past Reinie’s Protections now?”

The figure, Maia, scoffed. “Not my problem, Carina.”

“Why did you reveal yourself?!” Carina whisper shouted in frustration.

“I wanted to see them, okay? I miss them, is that so wrong?” Maia snapped as she crossed her own arms and turned away from Carina like a petulant child.

Some of Carina’s fire died down. She understood what Maia meant, but they had a job to do. Papa had entrusted them with something important and they had to see it through, no matter how hard it was for them. It was hard being away from just Mama, so she could only imagine how hard it is for Maia to be away from her Mama and Papa both.

It wouldn’t be forever, though. Papa promised they’d see Mama again soon, they just had to keep him safe and wait. Papa never broke his promises.

Sighing, Carina felt her heart ache for her sister and said, “I’ll deal with it. I’m sorry, Maia, I didn’t mean to be mad.”

Maia ‘hmphed’.

A mischievous smile crept up on Carina’s angelic features as she approached Maia. “Maaaaaaiaaa~, don’t be mad at Carina.”

She didn’t turn around, but Carina wasn’t stupid. If Maia wanted to bisect her with that blade on her back, it would be simple and require minimal effort. She knew her sister was aware she was ‘sneaking’ up on her, but the fact that she was playing along meant that she knew what was coming.

Carina began to tickled Maia’s sided, which had an immediate effect. She began to giggle and squirm, and when Carina tickled the back of her neck she almost howled with laughter. During Maia’s struggle, her hood fell back to reveal short raven hair and beautiful sanpaku eyes that were lighter and brighter than Carina’s crimson. The simple, age-old play fight between the two sisters brought them both a modicum of relief and comfort despite the nasty weather and situation.

“Carina! Stop, please!” Maia laughed and gently pushed the younger girl away with a hand on her forehead to keep her at arm’s length, to which Carina still tried to reach Maia without success.

Curse her stubby arms! “Fine, but only if Maia promises she’s not mad.”

“Maia promises, you dolt.” Maia said and then let Carina stand straight. “You need to get back before they realize you’re out here. Papa will be worried sick.”

Carina nodded, but still felt guilty. “I hope he’s going to be okay. He scared me again, Maia. He’s been scary a lot lately.”

Now it was Maia’s turn to feel guilty. Their Papa had a lot of nightmares. He tried to hide it, but neither of the girls were stupid.

The girl in the tree quieted down and stared down at the two of them with a mixture of worry and righteous anger. Maia watched her with contempt. She wouldn’t give her the pleasure of addressing her selfish concerns. Family they may be, but Lesath was a special kind of crazy that only Papa seemed to be able to handle.

“Just keep Papa safe. Enjoy your time with him. We keep our promise, and Papa will finally be whole again.” Maia said, ignoring the lump in her throat as Carina looked up at her with hopeful eyes.

Unlike Carina who refused to be apart from her Papa in any capacity, Papa told Maia and the others to keep their distance and not reveal themselves until he could reconnect with his friends. It was important that no matter what, they didn’t know about them until they reunited with Carina’s Mama.

“Promise?” Carina asked her beloved older sister.

“Promise,” Maia replied and hugged the little blonde against her chest.

Carina savored the feeling of her sister’s embrace before scampering off. They may not have had the healthiest of sibling relationships in the past, but this past year has changed so much. With Papa at the center of their family, Carina couldn’t be happier. It didn’t matter how much it hurt at the time; their happiness was worth it in the end.

As Carina left her sister, Maia’s façade fell, and she let the sadness weigh down her shoulders. It’s not that she completely understood her Papa’s logic, but she was loyal to her father and master as much as Carina was. She thought about how much her Papa had changed recently and chewed her lip anxiously. This had to work.

It had to.

A few minutes later, Carina was back in front of the manor and jumping in puddles. The cold water didn’t bother her, but she knew Papa was already going to be upset that she was cold and wet. Sweet Papa fussed even when it wasn’t necessary because that’s just how good he was. She let her mind wander a bit as she played and enjoyed her mischief. Would Papa bring Rem into their family? If so, should she call her Auntie or Big Sis?

No way in hell she was going to call her Mama. Carina already had a Mama, and no one could replace her Mama.

She heard Papa and Rem getting closer and made her choice. Auntie Rem it is!

By the time they went back inside and searched the hallways, Carina was starting to get bored. She’d never say it aloud though, since Papa was holding her. It felt nice to nuzzle into his warmth and now he smelt like rain and Auntie, which wasn’t bad. Carina’s mind wandered to her Mama, though, and how she smelt when they cuddled. It was comforting.

Auntie Rem left to change. Carina caught the way her Papa watched her leave. It was confusing for the young girl. On one hand, she wanted Papa to be loved and to love them in return. On the other, Rem wasn’t Mama. She couldn’t bring herself to begrudge her Papa and decided to keep her mouth shut. If it made him happy and kept him safe, so be it. It’s not like Mama minded much when Papa got other women involved, so long as he treated her and his daughters right.

When they finally got back to their room, she tried to be a good daughter and comfort her Papa. He still had nightmares tied to his old life, that much was obvious. It made her question why Papa wanted to come back to Lugunica and see his old friends.

Carina Natsuki wasn’t naïve, regardless of her age. She bottled her frustrations and hurt during the crisis before, since she didn’t understand what was happening. From what she overheard from Reinie and her new Aunties before Papa woke up the second time, Papa had already been though a lot she wasn’t aware of. Then when she learned he’d lost his memories, it all meant her Papa wasn’t exactly her Papa anymore.

Had something gone wrong? Why would he forget? Surely his wound hadn’t caused it.

Did it have to do with his Authority?

Papa always looked so sad and serious, but worse than he did now. Only rarely was he ever silly, but when he was, it made her day. Now that her Papa looked less like a hollow shell, Carina didn’t want to ruin it. She wanted to enjoy her Papa, even just for a little bit.

He didn’t remember anything about her and Mama, but maybe that was worth the opportunity she had now.

Adults were easy to mess with. Before he had woke up in Felt’s room, she enjoyed seeing what everyone did when they thought she was asleep, but the point had been to hear what the adults would say when they thought she wasn’t listening. Carina didn’t know much about her Papa’s life before she was born, so it piqued her curiosity at first. Of course it ended up painting a vague picture of even more hardship. As depressing as it sounded, Carina didn’t blame Papa for wanting to forget everyone and run for the hills. If what little she heard was true, it made sense.

As much as she loved and trusted her Papa, surely he’d understand if she wanted to hurt them.

Carina had half a mind to torch the mansion and drag her Papa away, but she knew Rem and Ram didn’t deserve it. Rem hadn’t been involved, and her feelings were real. To Carina, that was enough to spare her. Ram had also been kind to her and Papa, even if she was a bit colder. Carina was just glad she had kept it together this long. This was the home of the Sword Saint, so it’s not like she would have succeeded.

Her Papa needed protecting, and if the Sword Saint and the Aunties were willing to be his shield then she had no issues with staying here. It still upset her that Mama wasn’t with them, but that may be a good thing. If she was just like her Papa, maybe she was better off far away. It would explain why she acted strange the last time she saw her.

It didn’t mean Carina didn’t miss her, though. She missed her Mama terribly. Maybe Mama could ‘start from zero’ as Papa once said, without her ungrateful daughter. Maybe she could find someone new, start a better family, and live a peaceful life. Maybe Mama missed her. Carina wasn’t sure and it hurt not knowing, but as hard as it was, she knew her Papa needed her right now. One problem at a time, Carina.

She hadn’t wanted to go when her Papa sent her away with Auntie Ram to the kitchens, but she could see the exhaustion on her Papa’s face. It reminded her too much of how he used to be. So, she went with the pink oni to not stress her Papa out any further.

So engrossed in her own thoughts, she didn’t hear Ram whisper to get her attention at first. The little girl looked up in confusion, “Yes, Auntie?”

“Ram asked if you knew anything about your father’s claims.”

Carina expected this the moment Papa sent her away with Ram. In a twist of fate that both frustrated and relieved her, Carina didn’t have to lie when she answered her Auntie.

“No, I don’t. He never talked about those kinds of things.” She chewed her lip. “Papa has really been through a lot.”

 Ram studied Carina’s face, but could not sense any deception. It was true Barusu had been through quite a bit in the short time she’s known him, and each time he came out on top like some master strategist or the luckiest moron alive. Truth be told, Ram had always respected his abilities in a crisis, but claiming to go back in time with no memories? It sounded insane.

“Papa Barusu seems to enjoy his secrets.” Ram said absently, feeling a headache coming on. Carina’s giggles caught her off guard. “W-What’s so funny?”

“Papa Barusu!” Carina repeated amidst her giggles. “I love it! Paaaapaaa~ Baaaarusuuuu~!”

What has Ram done… The pink maid mentally facepalmed. This is why she didn’t care for children.

“Maybe we should just pretend Ram didn’t say anything.”

“Not a chance,” Carina said and smiled in a way that reminded Ram of the raven-haired boy.

They made it to the kitchens and Ram went about preparing a plate of sliced fruits and vegetables, but Carina wasn’t happy with that. Against Ram’s warnings Carina conducted her own search, but ultimately didn’t find anything sweet after rummaging through several cabinets and climbing atop a stool to reach the higher shelves. Ram’s smug smile made Carina want to stick her tongue out at her Auntie. At least she had found some fruit, even if it wasn’t what she wanted.

Was Reinie against cake or something? It was just so frustrating. If so, she’d have to educate the poor boy on how to properly host a lovely young lady such as-

Stop it, that’s Mean Mama talk, Carina internally chided herself. Papa used to hate it when she talked like Mean Mama. It made him sad because it reminded him of her, but Carina couldn’t help it, and he knew it. Mama was a part of her, too.

Resigned to a mostly sugar free night, Carina waited for Ram to finish her task by asking her some questions. “Auntie Ram, do you love Papa?”

Ram lost control of her knife and cut her finger, dropping both the knife and the appa in her hand. She winced and quickly grabbed a cloth off the counter to staunch the bleeding before turning to glare at the little girl who stood with a nonchalant expression. She really was stupid Barusu’s daughter.

“Ram could never love someone like Barusu, so don’t delude yourself.” She said a bit coldly as if that could hide the dusting of pink across her cheeks.

Carina just stared at her with a deadpanned expression.

“Don’t look at Ram like that, it’s rude.”

“You should never say never, Auntie.”

Groaning, Ram rolled her eyes and returned to clean up any mess she may have made. It was hard to ignore the five-year old’s unwavering stare burning into the side of her face. Her blood pressure was rising the longer the child stared until finally Ram had to sigh and face the girl with her hands on her hips.

“Carina’s Papa is tolerated by Ram, nothing more. He would have been hopeless without her guidance.”

A lazy smile spread across Carina’s face, revealing sharp canines. “Papa’s pretty hopeless, but that’s what makes him amazing with the ladies.”

Where the hell does she learn this stuff? Ram thought, mortified.

“If I were you, I’d make your move before someone else does.”

“Ram has no idea what you mean, so please stop speaking nonsense.”

“Maybe you should spend more time with him. I mean, you kind of have to… Auntie.” Carina said and formed a heart with her hands over her chest.

“Barusu has obviously corrupted you,” Ram said as she felt herself aging by the second.

Together they put Ram’s finished work on a serving tray with four glasses and a pitcher of water. With Ram not far behind, Carina scampered through the dim hallways lit only by the light of the full moon visible through the floor to ceiling windows. She wasn’t scared of the dark anymore, thanks to Mama and Papa. They taught her a long time ago they’d always protect her. Carina felt her chest warm at the memories they shared by countless campfires with each other, at how they held her while she slept and told her bedtime stories when she couldn’t. Sometimes Papa cried, but more so he’d make Carina fall asleep with a smile. She hoped, as much as it hurt, that he fell asleep with a smile tonight.

That’s why it bothered her to see someone peeking into Papa’s room.

Having hurried far past Ram, Carina felt her blood run cold when she noticed the figure as she made her silent approach and ducked behind a pair of thick curtains to spy on them. Her pulse raced in her ears. Who was this, and did they somehow sneak past Maia and Lesath? Was Reinie’s mansion not safe? Carina bit her lip in concern and mentally prepared to make a move to protect her Papa. She’d incinerate them if they tried to hurt him.

But the figure just stood there, and then silently skulked off as if it were angry with what it witnessed. Carina watched them go further down the hall in the opposite direction from where she stood. Thanks to the moonlight, she saw enough of the figure to know who it was.

That stupid hussie! Carina bared her teeth like a wild animal as she emerged from behind the curtain. Selfish, stupid Papa always attracted beautiful women somehow. It hadn’t bothered Mama, but Carina made it her job to hold her Papa accountable. She better stay away from my Papa!

She managed to reign in her emotions by the time Ram rounded the corner, the figure long gone.

“Lady Carina, is something wrong?” Ram asked.

“Just thinking Papa is lucky to have so many lovely ladies who care about him.” She answered with her back to her Auntie. She managed to keep her voice sweet, but her hidden expression was murderous.

The two of them made it to the door and with Carina’s help, managed to open it right as her Papa and Auntie Rem quickly separated. Caught red handed, they both had tomato red faces and looked very tense. Both happy and sad about Auntie’s apparent love for Papa, Carina tried her best to smile and decided to check Ram’s face.

Her face was red, and her eyebrow was twitching in agitation. Feeling sorry for her other Auntie, Carina decided to silently judge her Papa’s uncouth nature and enjoy the look on everyone’s faces.

Papa was so dense sometimes. Not that he means to be dense, she thought hopelessly.

“Typical. Barusu enjoys Ram’s sister in the bedroom while she slaves away in the kitchen for them and his child.” Ram said with a judgmental stare.

“It wasn’t like that!” Subaru hurriedly explained as he waved his hands in front of him defensively.

“Yes, it was just a friendly gesture!” Rem said with a strained smile, both embarrassed and agitated at the poorly time interruption.

“Told ya should’ve made a move.” Carina muttered, causing Ram’s blush to deepen.

The little blonde hurried back into bed and sat up on her knees to pat a large unoccupied section of the bed where she wanted the platter placed, but Ram was still glaring. Rem jumped up and helped her sister with the food and drink, looking sheepish and embarrassed. It felt nice to just be in the present for a moment, Carina could admit. They continued their talk, everyone but Ram snacking as they did so. It was a hard, lengthy conversation, but Carina learned some important things that she needed to consider going forward.

When it was over, Carina had a few choices to make. It was time to start her own plan of action.

She would keep her family safe, no matter what.

Even if I must burn everything down.

Morning came much too soon for the exhausted Subaru. When he finally pulled himself out of the fantasy realm and back to reality, he noticed certain things were different. One, he was now asleep in the bed when he distinctly remembered falling asleep on the couch. Someone must have moved him during the night. The thought he was so dead tired that someone could literally pick him up and carry him was embarrassing, especially since he had an idea of which maid probably did it.

Two, he noticed he was the only person in the room. Was he seriously the last one awake?

I’m such a louse, he thought.

He felt miserable and drained. Recognizing the signs of a cold, like achy joints, sinus trouble, and chills, he couldn’t help but silently curse his own stupidity for staying outside in the cold rain. At least last night had come and gone with no burning buildings, strangulations, or decapitations. He realized that his mind was trying to be sarcastic to cope with the horror of his reality, but he didn’t have the will to argue with it. Picking his battles, Subaru laid there and contemplated what his next move should be. It’s not like he was able to figure anything out yet, let alone have any idea of what he should be doing. Everything felt so overwhelming that he just wanted to stay in bed.

He worried about Rem and Carina. They had been outside with him, so he hoped they weren’t getting sick.

Then again, where was Carina?

“I wonder when she got up,” Subaru muttered to himself as he finally rolled out of bed.

He was about to the door when it was kicked open with enough force to smack the wall. Subaru yelped and took a step back but relaxed when he saw Carina staring up at him with an irritated pout. It was adorably cute on the baby-faced girl, but damn it was too early for this.

“Papa, I’m hungry.” Carina announced as she extended her arms in a universal gesture. “Will you carry me, please?”

I guess that answers that question.

Though he sighed, Subaru couldn’t stay irritated with Carina. She just wanted her Papa, after all, so he felt there wasn’t a reason to treat her bad. He crouched so that she could climb on to his back, but when she instead slapped a hand on his forehead, he struggled to keep his balance. Carina was examining his face worriedly.

“Never mind, Papa Barusu. You don’t look so good.”

“Eh? Oh, not you, too.” Subaru complained.

Carina smiled. “You’re getting sick, Papa.”

“I’m fine, Carina. Nothing I can’t handle.” He said dismissively, feeling guilty.

The tiny blonde put her hands on his cheeks and gave him a little peck on the top of his head. “It’s okay, Papa. Maybe you can hold my hand instead?”

Feeling somewhat relieved, he agreed. Both of them wore identical smiles as they walked down the hall towards the kitchens with Carina giggling beside him.

They managed to get halfway there when he heard a familiar voice call out to them.

“Barusu? What are you doing up this early?”

After the wild past twenty-four hours he’s had, Subaru didn’t even blink when he heard the fiery maid’s confused voice behind him. He tried to put on another big smile as he turned to face Ram. Little did he know, Carina mirrored that cheesy expression of his perfectly.

Ram narrowed her eyes with mild suspicion but just accepted that grin as a Natsuki family trait. Like those eyes Subaru used to be so proud of.

“Oh hey, Ram, just looking to get breakfast for this lovely lady.” Subaru replied as Carina blushed lightly at being complimented by her Papa.

“You sound awful.” Ram said with some concern.

“Heh, thanks a lot.”

“Typical Barusu, but you should rest. Master Reinhard wished to have breakfast with you if you were awake, but I shall inform him that you can’t join him this morning.”

“No, no, please I’d love to join him! I promise not to be a burden or infect anyone else!” Subaru raised his free hand up vertically in front of his face as he slumped his shoulders.

Ram eyed him carefully, before sighing and said, “Very well, Ram will humor you. Please head to the dining room and await him there.”

“Thanks, Ram!” He said, and then excitedly asked, “Wait, is Rem cooking?”

Ram sighed and shook her head. “The Astrea Manor has its own kitchen staff, so it’s best she not put them out of the job.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Subaru chuckled in disappointment.

“Of course I am. Now go to the dining room and wait. I’ll bring you breakfast when it’s ready.”

Subaru and Carina did just that. Seeing as how they had a minute alone, Subaru decided to ask Carina something that had been on his mind. It should have been an earlier priority, but he knew this should be kept between them.

“So, Carina… Are you doing okay?”

Carina blinked, but happily deflected with one fist in the air.

“I’m so happy Papa and me are going to get a fancy breakfast!”

“That’s not what I meant, Carina.” Subaru’s tone was gentle, but firm. “How are you holding up? You were hurt, too, so are you feeling okay?”

Carina smiled. “Yes, I feel allll~ better thanks to Papa! Does Papa’s hurt?”

“Why thank me? I didn’t do anything.” Subaru took a deep breath. “I’m fine, I just worry about you. It must be hard for you, with your Papa losing his memories and all.”

Subaru couldn’t see her face as she looked to the floor. It was obvious she was upset. He felt like such an ass for not considering Carina’s feelings sooner.

“Papa… I miss Mama.”

Now it was Subaru’s turn to tense up. He stopped walking, his blood ran cold. What did he even say to that? Carina looked up at him in alarm and quickly apologized.

“I-I’m sorry, Papa! Please don’t be sad!” Carina was trying not to panic, but her Papa looked devastated, and it scared her. “W-We will see Mama again l-later! She was just acting weird before we separated!”

That caught Subaru’s attention. What exactly had happened to his family? What and how much did Carina know? It was time to get answers.

He started walking again. “What exactly happened to us?”

His daughter’s shoulders fell as she recalled as much as she could.

“We had just met up with Mama again in a village. She acted weird, like she was scared of something, but she wouldn’t tell me what. You were kind of mean because you wanted us to hurry to the Capital. I guess you wanted to see your old friends and stuff.” Carina took a deep breath to steady herself for what happened next.

“We were attacked by some people in purple robes just before we could leave the village. They burned everything…”

Subaru couldn’t stop himself from shaking and breaking out into a cold sweat.

 “… and you tried to protect us. We tried to get away past the trees, but one of them found us. A woman that Mama was really scared of. She was fighting that scary woman to protect me.” Carina said with some difficulty.

A lump had started to form in her throat as she thought of her brave mother standing between Carina and a crazy eyed woman in black and purple. Mama stood tall as her mouth filled with fangs and her fingers grew wicked claws, ready to tear apart anything that threatened her baby. She remembered the last thing Mama said to her before everything became muddled. The little girl's shoulders began to tremble as she fought back fearful sobs.

“She told me to run and find you, Papa…”

Subaru was at a loss for words. Carina put on a brave smile and looked up at her Papa.

“We met up with Mama in the city, but we separated. That scary woman found us… and then I woke up here.”

He, Carina, and her Mama were attacked? Makes sense given their injuries, but then how did they end up here? Not to mention, it didn’t fit his own memory of a burning village.

The most important thing, however, was what Carina said last. They had met up with her Mama in the city after the village attack.

Her Mama was alive!

That didn’t explain who attacked them, though. Someone scary… Purple robes…

Could it be those Witch Cult freaks Rem and Ram described in his last loop? If that was the case, was he being targeted for killing one of their Sin Archbishops or whatever they’re called? The idea he may have to face those guys in his current state made him uneasy, but it seemed like he was pretty safe in the Astrea Manor with Reinhard and the twins around. Even so, it’s not like he had any idea how to defend himself or Carina.

Damn it!

Trying to regain his composure, Subaru steadied his breathing and focused on his frightened daughter for now.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that, Carina.” He said, then sighed. “Your Papa isn’t very useful in this situation.”

“My Papa is the best. You always keep me safe.” Carina rested her head against his arm and steadied her own breathing. It wouldn’t do any good to breakdown here. “I love you, Papa. Please don’t forget that, too.”

Talk about a punch in the gut, kid…

“I won’t forget, Carina. Never again. I will find a way to protect you and get your Mama back.” If I can, Subaru promised solemnly.

“You better not forget!” She teased, even as her stomach twisted into a knot. “Papa, do you remember how to use your sword?”

Eh?

“Wait, sword? What sword?” The surprise of her question unconsciously raised his voice.

“Papa always had a sword. You had it before everything went dark.”

“I… had no idea. We need to ask Reinhard about this.” Despite being totally drained already, Subaru mentally punched himself. Again. “Dang, I was so distracted I didn’t even ask how we got here.”

“That’s because you were surrounded by pretty girls.” Carina deadpanned. Ouch. “Papa even made two of them cry.”

Despite feeling like a pin cushion for the jabs of various girls, Subaru fired back with his own teasing. Two can play at this game!

“I assume one of these pretty girls is my lovely little Carina?”

Carina’s face went crimson. She wasn’t used to him calling her ‘lovely’.

“W-Well, of course! Does Papa n-not think I’m pretty?” She asked a little worriedly.

“Oh, of course you’re pretty! I think you’re the cutest little girl I’ll ever lay my eyes on!” Subaru grinned at the thought of winning this round. His hopes were dashed when his daughter jumped up and squeezed his neck tightly in a choking hug. “O-Okay, you win! Losing… consciousness…”

“Silly Papa.” Carina giggled and nuzzled his cheek.

How I missed you, Papa…

Chapter Text

The night the expedition team returned to Priestella, they met up with Felt who was already in the city waiting. Reinhard, of course, hadn’t expected she be there, but his candidate was a free spirited one. With the return of their memories, she felt the urgent need to see her “Big Bro” and left for the city without notifying anyone but the Manor staff. After a short greeting, they all met with Julius in the dungeons only to receive the most dreaded news.

Subaru was already gone. 

“What do you mean he’s gone?!” Rem shouted as she struggled under her own strength. After only recently regaining the ability to walk, the strain of her emotions forced her sister to hold her up both physically and emotionally. Later, Rem would thank her sister Ram, but right now she was too blinded by rage and grief. “Where is he?! Where is Subaru?!”

“I don’t know!” Julius said between gritted teeth. The knight ran a hand through his purple locks in frustration. “We still don’t understand how he could have gotten out!”

In the highest security dungeon of Priestella, escape should have been impossible. Members of the Felt and Emilia camps had gathered there to be reunited with their friend, only to be met with the news that he had been missing since the day they had regained their memories of him. Emilia, the twin maids, Reinhard, Beatrice, Otto, Garfiel, and even Felt herself stood facing a rather haggard Julius. Between Beatrice, Rem, and Reinhard it was impossible to follow any sort of scent trail- the entire dungeon was filled with the Witch’s miasma, and none had been detected outside. Normally, guards were stationed at every cell door and should have noticed a prisoner walking out, but his cell had been undisturbed and locked per protocol. Right now, the guards had been dismissed to aid in the search for Subaru.

It's as if he was simply evaporated into the night.

“Look, Big Bro isn’t a thief. There is no way he just slipped away.” Felt said as she leveled a heavy glare at Julius and crossed her arms.

“Betty’s Subaru has to be here!” Beatrice frantically cried as she rushed away from the group and ran down the corridor, personally examining each open cell in a desperate attempt to find any trace of her contractor. The loli spirit’s tears hadn’t stopped the moment they entered the city. If not for everyone feeling the same sense of urgency, there would be no doubt Beatrice would have run the entire way back to this accursed place. “He has to be here!”

“I’ll help ya!” Garfiel called to her and promptly gave chase.

“Please, Julius,” Emilia begged, her eyes red and puffy as she approached the upset knight with shaking hands and more tears. “You have to have some idea-“

“No, I don’t!” Julius snapped, causing the half-elf to recoil. Ashamed, he took a deep breath and spoke in a more civil tone. “My apologies, Lady Emilia, but the Iron Fang, city guards, and myself have searched the city prior to your arrival. We have looked-“

“Don’t you say ‘everywhere’!” Rem shouted as she tried to take a menacing step forward. “If that were true, you would have found him!”

“Everyone, please calm down.” Reinhard said as he got between the maid and Julius.

“Subaru can’t have just vanished into thin air. He must be somewhere!” Otto said, unable to comprehend how their dark-haired friend had managed his escape.

The sound of muffled laughter echoed through the dungeon, sending a chill down everyone’s spine. As they all turned to face the direction of the sound, everyone noticed several cells down stood a crying Beatrice being held up to an open portcullis of another locked cell by a scowling Garfiel. Julius’s blood ran cold when he realized who that cell belonged to.

“You know something, don’t you?! Where is Betty’s Subaru!” Beatrice cried as she kicked the thick wood of the cell’s door.

“Oh, no,” Julius muttered before he rushed over and shouted, “Please, get away from there!”

The others follow the stressed knight. Everyone peered inside the portcullis and immediately understood what had Julius so concerned. Inside sat a single figure, anchored to the floor by several enchanted chains that negated magic use. This womanly figure was bandaged from head to toe with only a few locks of silver hair and a single deranged eye visible. Clamping her jaws shut was a device none of them, save Julius, had seen before in person. Reinhard recognized it as a torture device that painfully screwed the lower jaw to the upper maxilla to prevent prisoners from speaking or severing their own tongue with their teeth.

Even though it must be painful, it was obvious to all the Sin Archbishop of Wrath was smiling at them.

“Julius, what…?” A horrified Reinhard weakly asked, unable to take his eyes off the device.

“Sir Reinhard?” Otto asked, the first to notice the knight’s expression.

“We had to keep her from speaking.” Julius said, unable to face his fellow knight.

Since no one else understood, save the knowledgeable Beatrice, what they were going on about, no one took the time to ask. Instead, they had more important questions to ask the mute Sin Archbishop. It was Emilia who took charge.

“If we took that device off, could we talk to her? Maybe she heard something.” The half-elf said, quickly looking to Julius.

“I dunno know if I trust tha’ bitch.” Garfiel snarled.

Sirius tilted her head in response, but didn’t commit to any nonverbal answer.

“Where is he, Cultist?!” Rem shouted at the prisoner. “Did you scum do something to him?!”

“She can’t answer us,” Betty interjected, lowering her little head in frustration.

Ram had been staring at the device for a long time, and it gave her a very bad feeling. “What exactly is that item she’s wearing?”

“It’s the Jawlock I put on her.”

Everyone turned and noticed the feline figure of Felix approaching, but the cat boy shambled forward like the living dead. His clothes were wrinkled and hung awkwardly on his gaunt frame and his chestnut hair was a tangled mess. Felix’s eyes were sunken in and dull from lack of sleep and proper nutrition. Emilia felt her stomach drop at the sight of the once bubbly knight, now a shadow of his former self.

“W-What’s the Jawlock?” She hesitantly asked.

“Itsa gag, ya? Ta shudder up.” Garfiel said as he eyed the Cultist with contempt.

Felix hung his head in shame, so Julius went to answer for his friend. It was Reinhard who cut him off with a disapproving glare.

“It’s a torture device.” The Sword Saint said.

Everyone stared at Felix and Julius with renewed horror and disbelief.

“Wait… Ferris, you wouldn’t use something like that…” Rem said, unable to accept he’d do such a thing after getting to know the cat boy before the incident with the White Whale.

But Ferris said nothing. Instead, he fell to his knees before them all and prostrated himself. His body began to shake with sobs and his tears began to fall from his eyes.

“P-Please… I am s-so sorry…” He cried into the cold stone floor.

An oppressive feeling settled on everyone’s shoulders.

“W-What do you mean?” Emilia asked, confused and scared.

The silver haired elf practically jumped out of her skin when Rem shrieked behind her. Emilia whipped her head around and felt the wind of something soar just inches from her face towards the prone Felix. In that split second, Emilia was able to register Rem weeping on her knees and clutching her Morningstar as Ram struggled to keep her from throwing it.

There was a crash and several shouts. By the time Emilia could face the commotion once again behind her, she saw Garfiel pinned to the wall by Reinhard with a single arm where Felix and Julius had just been standing. Under Reinhard’s other arm was the flailing form of Felt, who must have attacked at the same time as Garfiel.

“Damn it, Reinhard, let me go!” Felt furiously commanded.

Further down the empty corridor, Julius was clutching his broken arm and grimacing while Felix just laid in a crumpled heap several feet past him.

“Lemme go, damnit!” Garfiel roared as he struggled against Reinhard. “Those bastards did something to the capt’n! I swear, I’ll-“

“Fighting won’t change what has already been done, Garfiel!” Reinhard pleaded with the angry boy, his voice heavy with shame.

“Like hell!” Garfiel glared with the fury of a beast and bared his teeth at the two fallen knights. “Whaddya do to ‘im? The fuck did ya do?”

 Emilia was trying not to panic, but everything was happening so fast. “What’s going on? I don’t-“

“This is your fault!” Rem screamed from the floor.

Emilia faced the blue twin and clutched her hands to her chest. The maid’s horn was on full display and there was bloodlust in her eyes. She’s never seen Rem so angry, let alone with her.

“Rem, I-“

“You stupid, ditzy elf! Damn you and that fucking Spirit!” Rem yelled as her sister pulled her into a tight hug and refused to let go, lest Rem go on a rampage.

Tears rolled down Emilia’s cheeks at the pure venom of Rem’s words, but she could only stand there shaking. It was a crumpled Beatrice who clarified it for Emilia. The poor Spirit was on her hands and knees above the drops of moisture that fell from her eyes to pool on the floor under her.

“They tortured him, Emilia! They tortured Subaru!” Beatrice cried in anguish.

That’s when it finally dawned on Emilia. In that moment, time stood still and she fell to her knees. Emilia curled into herself and wailed as the consequences of her ignorance caught up to her. When the full weight of it all hit her, the only sounds were the anguished cries of her friends and the muffled laughter of the insane woman who took delight in the pain of their broken love. It mocked her and rightly so.

How could I have allowed this to happen? She thought as wept openly for everyone to see. Emilia’s grief was so great that when she wrapped her arms around herself, she didn’t realize that her fire magic was freezing the area around her slowly. With her body at the epicenter, it spread quickly to engulf the floor, wall, and the adjacent door to a third locked cell.

First her people, then Puck, and now Subaru. Why did this keep happening?

“Someone, stop her!” Julius shouted as he pointed to Emilia with his good arm.

All eyes were on the elf now as the hallway slowly became encased in ice. Reinhard debated on dropping Felt and Garfiel, but didn’t know if he should risk it. It was someone else, however, who reached Emilia first.

Two small hands clutched Emilia’s shoulders. Their owner sat on her knees and shouted Emilia’s name until the elf finally looked up from her grief. Her amethyst eyes shining with tears reflected the two drowning butterfly pupils of Betty.

“You must stop, I suppose! This isn’t what Subaru would want!” Beatrice cried as ice formed in her hair and on her face and clothes. “If we fall apart now, we’ll never find him, in fact!”

That snapped Emilia out of her dark storm. Beatrice was right. What if Subaru hadn’t left of his own accord? He would be frightened, hurt, or worse, dead. They had to find him. Emilia’s magic slowly came under control as she felt Betty hug her. She returned the gesture, not questioning it and just taking comfort in Subaru’s beloved Spirit’s pity.

“But what if he doesn’t want to be found?” Emilia asked, knowing full well that was probably the case.

Beatrice’s lower lip trembled, but she said nothing and instead tried to remain strong.

Just then the thick wooden door cracked from the ice freezing it solid, startling the two girls. Otto came forward then and helped Emilia to her feet to hurry away as it burst apart from the pressure of its expansion. Julius stood and ran to the cell to ensure its occupant remained sealed inside, but froze when the cell revealed it’s contents.

“N-No… I-I-Impossible…” Julius muttered in shock as he stumbled backwards, clutching his broken limb.

“What happened?” Reinhard asked, releasing his hold on the two teens.

Everyone gathered around Julius and peered inside.

The cell was empty, save for the dozens of broken chains that now hung from the far wall.

“He… He was here this morning! I-I-I heard him!” Julius said as he began to panic.

“Who, Julius?” Reinhard asked, dread once again creeping down his spine.

Julius looked to his fellow knight as it he was staring death in the face.

“The Sin Archbishop of Gluttony… He’s gone!”

Emilia awoke that morning in a cold sweat. She sat up in her bed and startled the resting Beatrice beside her. Much like her time as Subaru’s contracted Spirit, Beatrice has taken to sleeping beside Emilia and receiving her mana. The only difference, now they both had to comfort the other at times like this when the dark thoughts won. Betty sat up and held Emilia’s hand, to which the elf appreciated. They were in this together, whether they liked it or not.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you.” Emilia said as she wiped the pinpricks of tears at the corners of her eyes.

“It’s okay, I suppose. Did you have that same nightmare?” Betty asked, concerned for her Subaru’s past love.

“N-No, it wasn’t that one. I was just remembering that night.”

Beatrice nodded in understanding. She thought about it often, as well.

Emilia hung her head and noticed the sun starting to rise outside her window. It was time to start her day. Betty released her hand and allowed her to climb out of bed. It took her almost an hour, but because she regularly slept with her hair in a thick braid now her morning preparations were cut down by a lot. She put on her modest maid uniform and examined herself in her mirror before taking the porcelain mask off her vanity and tying it around her head. The mask covered the upper half of her face, and her hair hung loosely enough at the sides to cover her ears from passerby, but Emilia didn’t mind. Her new position in life was a gift and she had to do everything she could to minimize any impact such a gift put on Lady Crusch.

She thought about the events that had led her to be Crusch’s servant. A week after the discovery of Gluttony’s escape, the Emilia camp received a tip from Anastasia Hoshin that during her travels in the area, someone matching Subaru’s description was seen heading towards Vollachia. Of course, several events occurred within that volatile country during that time, which resulted in the death of Priscilla Barielle.

Once that mess was sorted out, misfortune spread, and rumors of Subaru cropped up only a few more times until they stopped all together. Each rumor put him in somewhere different, but Emilia and her allies chased every rumor they could and failed to ever find any trace that he had been there. Each time they failed ruined their already fragile morale and bonds. From the moment their memories returned, things had become tense and unstable. By the time the camp disbanded, it had become borderline violent. Her inner circle fractured almost immediately the day they discovered Subaru’s disappearance and torture, with Rem being the most vocal.

Without a purpose, Roswaal fell into a deep depression until one day he threw out everyone but Frederica and Petra. That day, he announced the dissolution of the Emilia camp and all her dreams of saving her people shattered. Unable to find companionship elsewhere and bonding over their shared guilt, Beatrice and Emilia formed a contract with one another and continued her search for Subaru across Lugunica. Crusch, still ashamed over the actions of her knight and best friend, took in the broken elf and Spirit as guests as they searched over many months. When they returned with nothing, it was disheartening for everyone.

Public outcry for the unjust imprisonment and disappearance of the Hero of Priestella was landed at her feet and others, namely members of the other camps who had been involved during the final battle. Even if the picture wasn’t painted clearly and no one had the whole story, it didn’t stop people pointing the finger at the half-devil candidate. Facing similar persecution, the Anastasia and Crusch camps had a choice to make.

Anastasia had refused to part with Julius, so the purple knight had resigned to preserve her honor and standing. Now, he was a freelance mercenary. Crusch, having realized Felix’s actions were due to his love and dedication to her, had also refused to toss him aside completely. Felix resigned his position and locked himself in his lab within her Manor under a self-impose house arrest until he could discover a way to reverse the effects of Capella’s Authority and blood on his beloved Crusch. Up until Felix vanished, he barely slept or ate out of guilt and a self-destructive desire for atonement.

They day he did vanish; it was just like with Subaru. The doors and windows were locked from the inside, there were no signs of a struggle, and no trail to follow.

The news hit the already ashamed Julius hard and Crusch was heartbroken, even if she would never openly admit it. Weary from her travels, Emilia stepped in to support the Royal Candidate as best she could. That was the day she finally decided to fully reside with the Royal Candidate. They were forced to keep their friendship a secret for Crusch’s reputation, and instead she ‘hired’ the half-elf to assist her alongside Wilhelm under a new name.

Emilia and Crusch made a deal. If Emilia served her faithfully and found both Subaru and Felix, then Crusch would use her station as the next King of Lugunica to free Elior Forest. Under the new identity of ‘Snow’, Emilia swore that she would do just that.

She could have been upset that she had to hide, but if she wanted to blame anyone then she had to look in a mirror first.

It was her job to prepare the morning tea for Crusch, a duty that Wilhelm had relinquished to her out of what she assumed was pity. Emilia had no skills at being a maid, and often made a mess of things, but Wilhelm had taught her how to make the perfect tea. Using her newfound skills, she put every ounce of effort she could into making it comparable to the head butler’s. He had been nothing but a gentleman to her, even if she could feel he harbored some level of resentment for Subaru’s fate.

Now alone in the kitchen, Emilia set to work. Thankfully she was early enough to avoid the kitchen staff and their distrustful gazes. She managed to boil the water without any problems, but when she went to grab Lady Crusch’s preferred tin of Gold Tips Imperial tea leaves on the top shelf it slipped from her fingers and spilled across the floor. Emilia stood there and could only stare at her mistake before everything caught up to her once again. She fell to her knees and hid her face in her hands as she began to cry softly into the morning silence.

I’m such a failure.

“Miss Snow?” A familiar voice said.

She looked up to find Wilhelm standing a few steps away, the door swinging shut behind him. He took notice of the tea leaves on the floor and her sorry state, but wasn’t rude. Wilhelm crouched before her and placed the tin on the counter before offering Emilia his hand.

“No need to cry over spilt tea, Miss Snow. There seems to be enough for the morning, and we can always get more in the city. Accidents happen, as they say.” Wilhelm said with a grandfatherly smile.

“I-I’m so useless… Why can’t I ever do anything right?” Emilia cried as she clutched his hand and furiously wiped at her tears.

“Now, now, you mustn’t say such things.” He said as they stood. “Skills can be learned over time. There is no shame in that.”

“B-But-“

“Do not fret, Miss Snow. Your heart is as pure as your namesake. Someday, things will be better. We must strive for it and have faith we will make it there.”

Emilia nodded as she reigned in her emotions.

“Now,” Wilhelm said gently. “Would you like some assistance?”

She shook her head. “No, I want to do it myself. I can’t rely on others all my life.”

Wilhelm smiled. “A fine attitude, but I am here for you should you need me.”

Smiling with puffy red eyes, Emilia said, “Thank you, Wilhelm.”

The older gentleman nodded and let her continue her task. As she did, her thoughts went out to her raven-haired knight. Did he think of her, as much as she thought of him? Probably not. She didn’t deserve that kind of regard from him of all people, nor did she deserve to hope that she’d see him ever again. Her heart clenched inside her chest. What would she ever say to him if she did see him?

Subaru, I squandered my chance to tell you the truth…

Finished with her tea preparations, she assembled the tray under Wilhelm’s careful eye and looked to him for approval. He smiled and held the door open for her, which brought a soft smile to her face.

Across the city in another noble manor, a certain raven-haired young man sneezed.

“Uh oh, Papa’s getting sicker.” Carina said.

Subaru Natsuki, ever the one to put on a front, held his head high and declared, “I’ll be fine, Carina. Not to worry.”

“Uh huh,” Carina said with a roll of her eyes.

“I have a favor to ask of you, though.”

“What’s that?”

Subaru’s face turned gravely serious as he looked his daughter in the eyes.

“I need you to keep the attack at the village a secret for now.”

Carina’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head. “Wh-What, why?”

“If Reinhard and the Aunties know, they may try to stop us from looking for your Mama.” Subaru said with a sigh. “They already know we were attacked in the city, and I really want to get out there as soon as possible. So, let’s not make them worry any more than they already are.”

Carina didn’t look happy about it, but she nodded anyway. This complicated things for her, though Subaru didn’t know that. The little blonde felt incredibly conflicted, but how could she say no to her Papa if he didn't remember their plan to meet Mama later? She really did miss her other parent. It was true she was worried about Mama, that she had been different since the village, but did that validate compromising Papa's orders? Probably not, she knew, but it was hard. Carina worried that she had said too much, but it's not like she could turn back time. Swallowing her internal struggle, Carina tried to smile up at her father and poke at his side.

"What's that for?" He asked. 

"You owe me a kiss if you want to keep me quiet."

Her Papa blushed and chuckled nervously. He stopped them and leaned down to press his lips lightly against the top of her head. Carina's face flushed again and she couldn't help but beam, despite the feeling of worms squirming in her guts from her anxiety and stress. 

"How's that?"

"I don't know, I think I need another to really forget what we were talking about."

Father and daughter arrived at the dining room and took seats beside each other. The two of them continued to tease each other until Reinhard entered the room. The knight smiled as he walked in with damp hair and no white coat this time. That smile brightened when he noticed he wouldn’t be dining alone, but that look quickly turned to concern.

“Good morning, Subaru and Miss Carina. Did the two of you get enough rest?”

“That bed is amazing!” Subaru said brightly as he began to sweat.

Carina didn’t hesitate to agree with her Papa’s sentiments with a “yep, yep!”

Reinhard blinked at their deflection but decided not to pry. He was more surprised at how in sync they were…

“Are you sure you’re okay, Subaru? You sound a little congested.”

“I’m totally fine! Nothing to worry about.” Subaru said, even if Reinhard frowned at the obvious lie.

Shortly after that, Ram and Rem entered the dining room pushing a cart that carried breakfast. The twins began placing the food in front of the table’s three occupants. Rem, in her full maid attire, smiled warmly at Subaru as she placed a bowl of oatmeal, a plate of eggs and sausage, and a dish of freshly sliced fruit before him. He returned her smile with colored cheeks.

Rem even went out of her way to smile sweetly at Carina. “Good morning, Lady Carina. Did you rest well?”

“I did. It seems you did, too, as happy as you look.”

Rem’s expression went blank as her neck and up flushed under Carina’s shit eating grin. The poor maid’s eyes darted between Carina and Subaru, who looked as dumbfounded as her. That seemed to bother her even more. She knows, oh Od, how does she know? After Rem and Ram woke up, the blue maid had carried Subaru to the bed and tucked him in. Ram had already left and she had thought Carina was asleep, so Rem allowed a few tender moments with Subaru as he slept. She caressed his cheeks and lovingly watched him sleep for a few moments before she noticed Carina stirring.

With the little blonde now awake and unable to go back to sleep, Rem had taken Carina with her for the morning.

“So… Everyone slept well?” An innocent Reinhard asked with an oblivious tilt of his head.

“Master Reinhard, please eat before your eggs get cold.” Ram suggested while awkwardness ensued behind her. She practically shoved the plate towards him with a huff and spared a soft glare at an embarrassed Subaru. “There may be several young maidens in need of your protection shortly.”

“Not this again!” Subaru groaned. “If I remember right, you were the first one to fall asleep!”

“Huh?” Reinhard’s brown furrowed in confusion.

“My Papa can’t help he’s popular.” Carina said in his defense. “Mama always said it’s because he’s good with his sword.”

“EEEHHH?!” If Subaru could have died right then and there, he would have. In blind panic, he stood and faced the room’s other three occupants. “Guys, she doesn’t mean it like that! I swear!”

Rem was red from head to toe and trying not to pass out.

Reinhard just sat there clueless. Why was everyone acting strange? “When did you learn to use your sword to that level?”

“Yes, Barusu, how you managed to not go blind before properly wielding it is beyond Ram.” The pink oni’s face was as red as Carina’s eyes. “How inappropriate to corrupt your daughter with tales of your lecherous pursuits.”

It seemed to finally dawn on Reinhard just what was happening, because he choked on his juice with cheeks as red as his hair.

With her Papa struggling to defend his honor, Carina decided now was the perfect time to change the subject.

“Have any of you seen Papa’s sword?”

Rem covered her burning cheeks with her hands and, unable to face anyone, turned to face the corner of the room. Her sister’s eye twitched with severe irritation as she responded with a promise that she’d relieve him of it if she ever saw it.

Only Reinhard gave a serious reply.

“A-Actually, yes! It’s honestly quite impressive. Would you like me to return it to you, Subaru?”

The black-haired boy in question buried his face in his hands and slid under the table to die.

After that hell of a breakfast, all five of them were in the study when two servants entered pushing a cart topped with several items. Chief among them was a longsword in a dark brown scabbard. The other items appeared to be an orange scarf, long black fur lined winter coat, leather gloves, thick fur lined boots, a pouch of coins, and a dagger. A second orange scarf, a small tan winter coat with matching mittens and fur boots were also on the cart, presumably Carina’s clothes. Everything was neatly folded and meticulously placed.

“I took the liberty of having your weapon and clothes repaired after I brought you two here, in case you… wanted to leave. I hope that’s okay.” Reinhard explained.

The last item on the cart was a gold necklace with two gold rings. One was a plain and unadorned, while the other had a single pink amethyst imbedded in the metal. Two wedding bands.

Subaru picked up the necklace and held the two bands in his palm. He stared at them in confusion, then looked to Carina for answers. His daughter wasn’t helpful.

“You always wore that necklace, Papa.” She said as she fiddled with the rings in Subaru’s hand.

“These rings aren’t mine and your Mama’s?” He asked.

She shook her head.

“You and Mama didn’t wear rings.”

What?

Damn it, this was so frustrating! Who the hell was he? Who and where was his wife, Carina’s Mama? He put the necklace back on the cart and ran a hand through his hair in agitation.

“Seriously, what the hell happened?” Subaru questioned no one in particular.

“You don’t remember what happened?” Reinhard asked.

That’s right. He’s the only one in the dark here, Subaru thought. He didn’t look forward to explaining all of this again, but Rem came to his rescue.

“Sister and I visited Subaru last night to check on him. When we did, he confessed to us that he lost most of his memories prior to waking up here.”

Reinhard stared at them in disbelief. “W-What do you mean? How is that possible?”

“We don’t know,” Ram supplied. “Unfortunately, neither does Barusu.”

“How… How much do you remember, Subaru?” Reinhard asked, his voice becoming strained with worry.

“I’ll be honest, not much. It’s all pretty blank.” Subaru said as he rubbed his dark eyes. “Look, can we focus on what happened just before I arrive at the Manor?”

Everyone was concerned for their dark-haired friend. It was obvious he didn’t feel great, and his agitation made a lot of sense to them. Without any debate, they all decided to do as he asked for now. Reinhard was visibly struggling to control his own inner turmoil about the situation, but he was a knight and a friend before anything else.

“By the looks of your clothes, you were prepared for winter. The northern country of Gusteko is the only place that would have that cold of weather this time of year.” Reinhard pointed out, then said. “But, Gusteko is a long ways away from here…”

“Where we lived before was cold, so Mama made them for us. She made sure we had them when we saw her last.” Carina said as she grabbed the hem of her Papa’s shirt.

“How long ago was that?” Subaru asked his daughter with a bit of dread.

“I-It’s been… almost a week.” Carina said as she fought back her sobs, but lost control of her tears. They ran down her cherub cheeks as her angelic face scrunched up in protest.

Subaru picked up his daughter and hugged her tightly. She held on to him like a lifeline and buried her wet face into his shoulder. The reality of their situation hit hard.

Little Carina has been holding this unspoken fear for so long, hoping against hope that she would see her Mama alive and well. Subaru couldn’t believe how brave Carina had been, braver than any child should have to be. It broke his heart.

“We’ll find her, Carina. I promise.” Subaru said as he stroked her back. From the looks of everyone present, it appeared they were somewhat skeptical. He understood why, as he felt the same. It wasn’t malice or doubt, it was just reality was rarely so kind.

“Reinhard, where exactly did you find us?” Subaru asked.

Reinhard seemed uncomfortable, but after a moment began to tell them the events as he recalled them. His recollection of events merged played out along Subaru’s own memories resurfacing.

The cold rain came down in large drops and pelted the city mercilessly.

It didn’t matter if it was rain or shine, Reinhard van Astrea never skipped a patrol. To him, the idea that he would choose convenience when someone may be in need was something that haunted him. Ever since that awful day, he had doubled his efforts to help anyone in need. Because of his lack of action, his friend had suffered unspeakable pain and horror for a crime he had no part in.

Just thinking about it made bile rise in his throat.

He patrolled without complaint and without proper rain protection. At least, not for himself. In his hand was a folded umbrella in case anyone needed it. If he could help even a single soul, it would do his heart good. Anything to soothe the guilt.

The weather showed no signs of letting up and he was soaked to the bone. He deserved far worse, he knew, and so ignored the chill on his skin. Part of him wondered if Subaru ever thought about him and the former Emilia camp, or if they were as dead to him as they felt. Was Subaru even alive? Had their sins driven him to the point of death?

Reinhard doubted he’d ever know the answer.

He didn’t deserve to know, anyway.

Head hung low as he walked, Reinhard questioned his title as a ‘Saint’. After all, what kind of Saint helped condemn an innocent man? What kind of hero couldn’t save his friend? He was so lost in thought that he nearly missed the strange puddle he stepped in.

Reinhard felt his stomach drop.

It was the color of blood.

He looked around and noticed the blood was being washed by the rain out of the alleyway to his left. Without a shred of hesitation, Reinhard dashed into the filth.

Please, let me make it in time! He pleaded internally, only to freeze when he found the source.

Two men lay at his feet. Both were clearly dead and bled dry from the slashes across their throats. Reinhard stumbled forward in horror. He was too late once again.

Just like with Subaru…

“Hk!”

A sudden gasp of pain brought Reinhard’s attention back to the present. Past the two corpses was a third man on one knee and using his sword as a cane to keep himself upright. In his other arm was a pale blonde girl. She was unconscious, but Reinhard could see the blood stains on her winter clothing.

The man had his hood up and hung his head low. As he tried to stand on shaking legs, fresh blood fell from a wound in his gut on to the girl’s leg and the cobblestone below. He clutched the girl tightly and whispered something to her that Reinhard could barely make out.

“Just hold on… I’ve got you.”

The knight rushed to the injured man and girl but stopped short once again when he noticed it.

The Witch’s scent clung to the man like a miasma.

Reinhard cursed himself for his hesitation. He knew from experience that not everyone with the Witch’s scent was evil. A certain friend and hero had a strong miasma, yet he never once did wrong. Maybe… Maybe this man was the same.

He crouched in front of the man and put a hand on his shoulder. Blood stained his pants, but Reinhard ignored it. He was determined to honor his memory.

“Sir, what happened to you? I’m Knight Reinhard van Astrea, please allow me to aid you!”

Did the man just scoff or was he struggling to breathe? The man hoarsely said, “Help… Her…”

Reinhard understood and gently took the girl in his arms. There was a deep cut from her shoulder to her belly. The fact anyone could do this to a child made the righteous knight feel sick. He felt her pulse and noticed it was weak, but present, thank the Od.

“Please, let me help you, too, sir.” Reinhard pleaded with the man.

He didn’t respond.

Reinhard reached for the man again but ended up catching him as he slumped over instead. The bloody sword fell out of his grasp and made a loud pang as it hit stone. When the man went completely limp, his head lolled back and gave Reinhard a view of the lower half of his face.

This wasn’t a man. It was a teenager.

His heart skipped a beat as he recognized something familiar about the young man he held. Dread washed down his spine like ice water as his stomach knotted up. It couldn’t be…

As Reinhard lifted the boy up, his hood fell back completely.

The world went still as Reinhard’s worst fear and greatest failure was realized. As his heart clenched, Reinhard screamed.

“SUBARU!”

“… As I carried you out of the alley, some passerby’s heard me shout. Luckily, one of them was a healer. With Miss Lesath’s help, we were able to stabilize Lady Carina and you before I elected to bring you here to keep you safe.”

Subaru took in Reinhard’s recollection of events and felt his stomach knot up. Two men were dead because of him. Sure, he and Carina had been wounded by who knows what, but still, to take a life… He looked worriedly at Carina, but she just patted his cheek and rested her head on his shoulder. I really am capable of killing someone, aren’t I?

“See? Papa always protects me.” Carina muttered as her little fists shake.

Did he, though? After all, where was her Mama? It sounded more and more like he had abandoned his wife to an uncertain fate. The familiar thought he could be responsible for her death nauseated him as he felt the weight of the choice he didn’t remember making like a chill in the air.

Am I really that pathetic?

Subaru was scared. Either he abandoned his wife, Carina’s Mama, or he murdered her in cold blood as his earliest vision said. Had he lost his mind and murdered her, then looped back? Either way, he had more than just her blood on his hands. What’s to say he wasn’t a coward who’d throw everything away to save his own skin, too? An involuntary shudder rippled through his body.

“Reinhard, if I killed them… Then why am I here and not locked up?”

All eyes were on the Sword Saint. He held Subaru’s gaze and confidently, yet gravely, declared, “You’re here because I believe you acted in self-defense. Those men looked like rough characters and crime isn’t uncommon in the area I found you in. If you had done this maliciously, I don’t believe you would have trusted me with Lady Carina.”

Those were good points, he supposed. Despite the memories that haunted him, Subaru didn’t feel like a hardened killer. A gentle hand touched Subaru’s other shoulder and brought him out of his self-depreciating thoughts. Turning his head, he saw it was Rem.

“You have never killed anyone in cold blood, Subaru. You aren’t like that.” She promised.

Are you sure?

“Yes, Sloth aside, you have always been rather ineffective in combat.” A deceptively bored looking Ram said with arms crossed over her chest.

I killed two men and murdered a woman in a burning village.

It was even more obvious than ever to him now that the Subaru he was to them was vastly different to the Subaru who became Carina’s Papa. The question of his identity, or who he really was, chewed a hole in his psyche. The need to run away, to escape this satire of a life was strong. He felt himself on the edge of breaking, but instead he swallowed his emotions. This wasn’t the time or place.

“Thanks, guys.”

Their confidence in his character helped him not feel like a total psychopath, but when he looked at the sword something ate at him. He felt an intense need to pick it up, to feel the weight of it in his hands. Even if they were confident he wasn’t a murderer, or even a competent fighter, Subaru felt it in his bones that he knew this sword. Steeling himself, he put Carina down and picked up the sheathed blade.

It was heavy, with a thick cross guard, black leather strips that crisscross over metal studs on the handle, and a small, curved hook on the pommel in the shape of an animal talon. If he was honest, the thing looked like something a villain would use. That thought made Subaru doubt himself again. When he drew the blade, he noticed the first four inches closest to the hilt were serrated with large, scalloped edges. Other than its strange and ominous shape, it appeared to be made of good quality steel.

Images accompanied with pain assaulted Subaru’s mind.

A single man stood between the knights and the blaze, wielding a sword in his right hand and holding a still, bloody girl close with his left arm. Before him was a literal field of bodies, full of men, women, and children. Nowhere near the amount had that filled the village, but the sight alone was still a testament to the swordsman’s depravity.

This swordsman examined each of them with cold, dead eyes. The look in the eyes of the knights said they weren’t scared of monsters, so why were they terrified? Maybe he was more than a monster now. Maybe the knights knew they had no chance against him as he was now.

One knight stepped forward, his face unclear under his heavy hood. Even though Subaru couldn’t see his face, he knew what the brave knight was thinking. What he saw in the black swordsman was exactly what he feared most: his failure.

“S-Subaru, are you okay?” Rem asked, bringing him out of his thoughts.

He felt himself sweat as he stared at it in morbid fascination for a moment before he was able to answer her. “Y-Yeah, I just…”

Subaru’s stomach churned with disgust.

“Subaru, that sword is something unique.” Reinhard said.

“It… looks evil,” he whispered hoarsely.

“It… does, but whoever made it must have been a master. When I had it repaired, the smith commented that he hadn’t seen such craftsmanship in decades. It was chipped and dulled, so he sharpened and repaired the blade.”

“Carina?” Subaru asked. “Do you know anything about this sword?”

His daughter looked conflicted. She tugged and stroked her hair with her eyes glued to the floor. It caught everyone’s attention immediately.

“Carina?” He asked again.

Reluctantly, Carina sighed and answered her parent. “Papa’s sword was Grandpapa’s before he died. You told me it helped you with your magic.”

Eh? Subaru blinked twice, perplexed, before he exclaimed.

“Whoa, magic? What magic?”

“Um, you have an affinity for yin magic. I’ve seen you use it against mabeasts before.” Rem supplied for the confused boy.

His tired eyes lit up with interest.

“Oooh, is yin magic powerful?”

“It’s known for negatively affecting your opponent’s senses, not offensive spells.” Ram said, but upon seeing Subaru’s dejected expression rolled her eyes and begrudgingly added, “You and Lady Beatrice however were known for your creation of unique yin spells, even a few for direct use in combat.”

That perked him up a bit, but he was a bit confused at the mention of Beatrice. Wasn’t she one that sentenced him to be tortured?

Everyone noticed his expression, so Rem filled in the gaps.

“Beatrice was your contracted spirit. She was known as the Great Spirit of Knowledge and the two of you were… quite close, until Priestella.” Rem explained with obvious distaste.

Rem and Reinhard felt a great deal of tension at the reminder of that most critical time in all of their lives.

Ram, feeling her body shiver, gave her sister a questioning look.

Reinhard was visibly shaking as he paled considerably. He tried to speak but was cut off by a gentle voice and a friendly hand on his shoulder.

Both froze him where he stood because he hadn’t expected it. Stunned into silence, he locked eyes with the hand’s owner.

“Reinhard, it’s okay… I know parts of what happened in Priestella.” Subaru said with a tired, but genuine smile.

“That’s… I’m sorry, Subaru. Do you know… about my involvement?” Reinhard asked in a strained voice.

Subaru took a deep breath and exhaled. Reinhard wanted to let him go. He wanted to give Reinhard the benefit of the doubt. There was no way the red-haired knight had been terribly involved past that. He doubted Rem would serve him otherwise. Reinhard took Subaru’s silence as a sign to continue.

“I… I didn’t defend you. I knew they were going to interrogate you, but I did nothing. I helped restrain you… and let them take you away.” There were tears in Reinhard’s eyes. He hung his head like a man on death row and lowered himself to one knee before Subaru as his shoulders shook with restrained emotion.

“I can’t forgive myself for failing an innocent man. You were a hero, a knight, and my friend and I… I let you go through hell alone. I’m so sorry, Subaru! I’m so sorry! I don’t expect you to forgive me!

Subaru was at a loss for words. He understood Reinhard needed to vent these feelings, but once again the raven-haired boy was struck by how disconnected he felt. Their pain was meant for another Subaru, not him. Even if he could remember bits of his time in that hellhole, he didn’t feel like the same person. While he wanted to know everything about this heroic figure they called friend, he couldn’t help but feel like such an imposter.

He watched silently as Carina walked up to the strongest knight and patted his head. Taken aback, Reinhard raised his head and stared in confusion at Carina’s piercing expression.

“You didn’t personally hurt Papa, right?”

“I…”

“Hey, Reinhard,” Subaru said as he crouched beside Carina. “Listen, I get why you feel guilty, but as far as I’m concerned you already made up for Priestella. It’s not like you could remember me anyway, right? So, don’t beat yourself up anymore, okay?” The dark-haired knight extended his hand to Reinhard without a hint of hesitation or disdain.

“How about we start over? Friends?”

Reinhard stared at the olive branch being extended. It was a genuine offer, one without malice or ulterior motives. It was too good to hope for, something he didn’t deserve, but there it was. Subaru Natsuki, his first real friend, wanted him to put the past behind him, and start anew.

To start from zero.

Maybe… Maybe he could do that. For Subaru, with Subaru; maybe starting from zero was the best thing for both of them.

Reinhard clasped Subaru’s hand and let the boy pull him to his feet. Before Subaru could object, Reinhard embraced him like a brother and squeezed him tightly. So engrossed in his own emotions, he didn’t feel Subaru tapping his back awkwardly and muttering, “Can’t… breathe…”

“Please don’t break Papa!” Carina shouted and tugged on Reinhard’s coat.

Realizing his mistake, he released Subaru and begged for forgiveness as Subaru caught his breath and laughed. Subaru could feel Reinhard’s relief and joy like a new fire being ignited within him. It was enough to relieve him of his dark thoughts and just want to enjoy the connection he forged with the knight. That goofy grin was contagious as it spread to Carina and Reinhard after only a few moments.

Rem stood where she was, happy that her beloved was so happy but unable to inject herself into the scene before her. That is, until Subaru turned and offered her his hand. She gratefully took it and accepted his side hug as he pulled her in with a winning smile. Rem looked back at the only one not basking in the joy and noticed Ram roll her eyes again with her arms crossed.

“Come on, Ram, join in a group hug! You know you want to.” Subaru teased, his breath tickling Rem’s ear.

“Never.” Ram deadpanned.

“Oh, Ram~! Please?”

“Not happening.”

“Give Papa a hug, Aunt Pinky!” Carina shouted as she clung to Subaru’s side and glowered.

A tic mark appeared on Ram’s forehead as she glared at the loudmouthed child.

“What did you just call Ram?”

Quick as a whip and with an exaggerated groan, Subaru reached for Ram and pulled her into a tight hug. Ram cycled through several punishments to inflict on the brazenly stupid boy but gave in to the embrace and stood there with her arms at her sides. Rem pressed into her side and even Carina hugged Ram’s waist when she met the pink maid’s stink eye with a mischievous grin.

“All of you release Ram at once!” Ram seethed between the two traitors known as Subaru and Rem who squished their burning cheeks against both of hers.

“Oh, you know you like it.” Subaru said as they all untangled themselves and laughed at Ram’s mortified expression. The next thing he felt was a sharp smack across the cheek. He cradled it with his hand, but smiled anyway. “I deserve that.”

“Idiot!” Ram snapped, her chest heaving in embarrassment.

Unfazed, Subaru still had a smile on his red face when he looked at Reinhard and said, “Thank you for saving us, Reinhard. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.”

Reinhard smiled. “You’re welcome-“

“But we have to leave.”

Everyone froze where they stood.

“If Carina’s mom is out there, hurt or in danger, then I can’t just sit back and do nothing. It’s my duty to find her.” Subaru said with a strained voice as he took Carina’s hand and held it tenderly. “I know this is sudden, but I can’t ignore this.”

He looked at each face in the room and noted their expressions. Each person was shocked, but then their features reflected different emotions. Fear, apprehension, maybe understanding, and even anger. It was hard to read everything being said with their silence, but he knew this was what he had to do. He truly felt that.

Which is why he hadn’t expected Carina to say what she did.

“I-I don’t think you should, Papa.”

Subaru was perplexed by her apprehension. Why the heck would she not be excited about finding her mom? The look on her face said she was scared and unsure about his course of action.

“W-What do you mean?” He asked, confused.

“Where would you even begin?” A clearly worried Ram suddenly snapped as she pushed past Carina and got in his face. “The slums where you and your ‘daughter’ almost died? Do you think she traveled to Gusteko?”

“I-“ Her anger caught him off guard.

“Ram-“ Rem tried to interject, but was cut off.

“Are you just going to galivant around with the items on that cart and a child in tow? Have you thought about food, shelter, money? Not to mention, whoever attacked you is probably out there right now!”

“Look, I get it!” Subaru snapped back. “But what the hell am I supposed to do?! If Carina’s mother is in danger-“

“Then what help will you be, stupid Barusu? You and Lady Carina are still recovering from your injuries, even if you knew where to look. You need to rest and let us handle this!”

Silence, and then he shouted. “You could have started with that!”

“Then don’t spout idiotic plans without thinking first.” Ram bit out followed by a roll of her eyes, but stepped aside as Rem grabbed his hands and squeezed them.

“Ram is right, Subaru. It’s too dangerous to go with just the two of you.” She declared, raising their hands to rest against her chin. “If it comes to you making the journey out of the city, then I’ll join you. You’re never leaving my sight again!”

“Sister, please don’t encourage him!” Ram begged, betraying her own concern for the raven-haired idiot.

Rem faced her sister as she hugged Subaru’s arm to her chest. “Sister, please understand. I know this is selfish-“

“Completely.”

“Alright, that’s enough!” Reinhard said loudly enough to get everyone’s attention.

When everyone was quiet again, Reinhard put a hand on Subaru’s shoulder and looked into his eyes with a pleading smile.

“Lady Felt will return tonight with Garfiel and Otto. They will want to meet with you, Subaru, and together we can come up with a plan of action. So please, wait until then.”

Subaru sighed then smiled, feeling both frustrated and relieved beyond words. He needed to get out for a while. No offense to them, but he felt the need for space, even if having friends behind him and giving their support would undoubtably be invaluable to him. He wasn’t so stupid that he thought he had a chance without help, but the fact they insisted without him having to beg filled him with such gratitude. It was mind boggling that these people, strangers to him, placed him in such high regard.

He was sure it was partly guilt, but still. They cared about him, and it made him realize how lucky he was the old Subaru had been to have people like these in his life.

Even if it made the monster feel like an imposter taking advantage of their goodwill.

That being said, he poked Ram’s forehead and grinned when she stared at him incredulously with crimson cheeks.

“Barusu, how dare you-“

“That’s for ripping me a new one, Aunt Pinky. You sure are pretty damn fierce when you want to be.” His gaze and smile softened for the insulted Ram. “But still, thank you for looking out for me, Ram. It really means a lot.”

Everyone but Ram smiled warmly. The pink oni was too transfixed by Barusu’s smile and that gleam in his eyes to react to the new nickname. Unable to look away, she felt something from the way he looked at her. It wasn’t bravado or an overcompensation for his ego. For whatever reason, Subaru’s genuine appreciation and acceptance for Ram’s coarse attitude struck a chord that it hadn’t ever before.

Her eyes softened as they stared at each other, but she quickly returned to her stony self.

“Ram merely wishes for stupid Papa Barusu to not put Rem and Lady Carina in needless danger.” Ram said as she regained her composure, confident her half-truth would satisfy Barusu’s now curious gaze.

“Whatever you say, Ram.” Subaru chuckled when she glared at him.

Even if they didn’t approve, he couldn’t shake the feeling he needed to get out for a bit. The feeling of worthlessness had nestled inside him and it weighed down his thoughts. They cared about him, saw him as a hero, but now every time he was reminded that he was not the knight they thought he was. So, he put on that mask as best he could. Melancholy wouldn’t get him anywhere.

Carina reached up to take his hand. She doubted they’d find Mama, but didn’t voice that to anyone. She remembered Maia’s words to her, to enjoy her Papa. Maybe this was their chance to be a family again. Part of her hoped that the nightmare would be over soon, one way or another. Her Papa was looking so tired again, like he was falling into that pit all over again. Even if he hid it well, his eyes shined with fear under the surface. Sadly, she knew that look well.

If Reinhard had personally hurt Papa, she wasn’t sure she wouldn’t have grabbed his pretty little head and twisted it off. Thankfully, Papa intervened unknowingly before she could let her emotions run wild again. She was sure that he wouldn’t have approved of her murdering someone in front of him again, even if he himself did so many times. Thinking about that look in his eyes made her shudder and cling to her Papa tighter.

She prayed silently that the Black Swordsman stayed buried in the void of Papa’s mind, for everyone’s sake.

Chapter Text

After a bit of back and forth, it was decided Subaru needed new clothes. Ram and Rem took it upon themselves to search the Manor for spare clothing that would suit Subaru, as well as locating additional outfits for Carina. The dress she had on was adorable, like something you’d put on a doll, but it wasn’t good for traveling or everyday wear.

Despite everyone’s reluctance to let Carina and he leave, he reminded himself that their charity wouldn’t last forever. At some point he’d have to start providing for himself, not that he doubted Reinhard would want to help him establish himself. He just didn’t want to be a freeloader his entire life, since he rightly assumed Carina would be his responsibility.

Even if the search for Mama was going to wait, Subaru was desperate to understand his surroundings. The only thing he knew was the Manor and a brief run to the main gate, which only compounded the isolation that plagued his mind. He wanted so badly to just get out for a bit, so he made the request to go into the city. While Ram chastised him for doing exactly what they just agreed he wouldn’t do, they at least let him discuss it again.

“We still aren’t sure who attacked you and Lady Carina. For the sake of both of you, I can’t let you in good conscience put yourselves needlessly at risk.” Reinhard said apologetically.

He knew Reinhard was right, but being told he couldn’t leave at all made his skin itch. So, he proposed a compromise.

“Why don’t you come with me?”

Reinhard bit his lip in contemplation. He didn’t want to keep Subaru captive, but he greatly worried about his friend’s safety. Subaru’s face was pinched and anxious, and he kept looking around as if searching for something. When had he become so claustrophobic?

Subaru, in a rare moment of foresight, had kept the knowledge that he was attacked by the same woman twice before being rescued by Reinhard and a mysterious healer. For once, he was thankful that these things slipped his mind. If he told them now, however, his request would most definitely be denied. If they agreed, this would not just relieve his growing anxiety, but maybe he’ll get some answers on who he is. It’s not like he had to worry much if Reinhard was around.

If that woman made an appearance, then all the better.

Sensing no good option, Reinhard finally acquiesced to his friend’s request, much to the chagrin of the maids.

“Okay, but Lady Carina and you must always stay close to me! When our time is up, we must promptly return in time to meet with Lady Felt.”

Seemed reasonable enough. Subaru breathed a sigh of relief he didn’t know he’d been holding. He was eager to explore the city with Carina. Maybe they’d have a chance to talk more in depth about his past, even if Reinhard chaperoned.

To get ready to the day, the maids insisted they find their guests better clothes. Subaru had only one pair of clothing, as did Carina, so the two of them were escorted by the twins to a large walk-in closet with a sectioned off room via a curtain. They were sure they’d be able to find something passable for them in there. Reinhard had, at first, offered to have clothes tailored for the two of them, but Subaru flatly declined. He was indebted enough, he felt. Even if all they found was an outfit for Carina, then he was satisfied.

Speaking of which, what the hell was she wearing?

“I’m a fox, Papa!” Carina giggled as she spun around wearing a fox fur outfit, including a scarf, hat, and oversized coat.

“Y-Yep, you sure are!” Subaru chuckled as he gently pats her head.

“Auntie Rem, did you see me? I’m a fox!”

Rem, who had been on the other side of the massive walk-in closet searching for Subaru’s clothing, turned in surprise at hearing her new title. Her heart both ached and warmed at the sound of it, but she quickly squashed any negative feelings before they could show on her face. After seeing Carina’s outfit, Rem smiled and gushed that she was adorable.

In response, Carina took a pose like an animal mid pounce, then faltered as she asked her Papa an important question. “What does a fox say again?”

“They sound like your father when he’s trying to speak to a beautiful woman.” Ram provided as she approached Subaru with articles of clothing draped over one arm. Ignoring his eye roll, she proudly declared, “These all appear to be Lady Carina’s size! Marvel at Ram’s ability to always pick the cutest clothes.”

“Says the girl who only wears the one outfit,” Subaru muttered, then smirked when Ram glared.

Ram looked at Carina and noticed the little girl frowning, but didn’t say anything about the jab at her Papa. It made Ram suspicious.

“Oh? Nothing to say, Lady Carina?”

“There is a lot this lovely lady could say,” Carina said matter-of-factly. “But Papa doesn’t have any trouble speaking to Aunt Pinky, so…”

A vein pulsed in Ram’s forehead.

Rem and Subaru struggled to cover up their laughter. 

“Ram would say Barusu can be trained like any dog, but that would be an insult to dogs.” Ram said as she shot the pale man in question another glare as he stiffened.

“Woof,” Subaru said dismissively as he walked behind a curtain on that sectioned off part of the closet. 

He didn’t see it, but the lack of a response made Ram pout.

What Ram didn’t see was the shadow that fell over Subaru’s face as he leaned against the far wall and tried not to vomit.

 “I love it when they run! Run, you worthless dog! RUN!” A crazed voice called behind him as he ran through the forest as fast as his feet could carry him. It wouldn’t take long, he knew. She’d catch him eventually.

He just wasn’t that fast.

White hot pain erupted in his calf as some unseen force yanked his leg backwards and brought him down flat on his face. He hit the ground hard and cursed, but flipped on to his back quickly to avoid a blade sinking into the ground where his neck would have been a second ago. Subaru raised his arm to defend himself as he shouted out for help. His words were cut short when the long black leather of her whip struck his face and tore the flesh with the tiny blades embedded in the end.

She approached from the shade of the trees, her dress torn and tattered from their previous scuffle as her chest heaved with the exertion of their chase. As their eyes met and a feral grin threatened to split her features, he realized just how terrifying their eyes must look to other people.

“It’s time to die, imposter!”

Pain strong enough to make his vision spin almost brought him to his knees, but he held himself up. He silently cursed as sweat beaded up on his face and he gritted his teeth in frustration. This was just perfect, wasn’t it? He was getting sick and trying to power through it, but his broken mind decided this was the perfect time to trauma dump. How convenient.

He slowly and methodically undressed, careful not to lose his balance. When he finally turned and saw his reflection, it couldn’t believe what he saw. This was the first time he’d looked in a mirror, he realized, and it was messing with his mind.

A knife pressed against his throat as he smiled maniacally into the mirror.

“Papa, why do you have a knife?”

His headache faded as quickly as it came. Shoulders slumped; he wondered if this was just how he was going to be for the rest of his life: haunted by the ghosts of his past self. What the fuck was wrong with him? That had been a girl’s voice. Had he… had he seriously killed himself in front of Carina? Subaru felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. He allowed himself a short breakdown before he forced his emotions down into a dark pit. This wasn’t the time or place. He needed to be strong, for Carina and her Mama.

For himself.

Pulling himself together, he drank in his appearance with uncertainty.

She and I look so similar… Subaru thought in silent horror.

Black spikey hair, nasty narrow eyes like coal, and a pale youthful face devoid of scars or blemishes. He knew he had a lot of lean muscle and was pretty thin already, but what baffled him the most as he undressed was the lack of an abdominal wound.

I wonder what Carina’s looks like, he wondered morbidly.

Pushing the thoughts aside, he focused on the now. Seeing as how he needed at least two outfits, he picked his top two sets of clothes and put the rest back. He settled on two white long sleeve buttoned shirts, two pairs of black pants, a black and gold fringed vest, a black overshirt for the colder weather, black socks, and a single pair of dark shoes. Nothing stylish or noteworthy, he felt, but he wasn’t exactly trying to make a fashion statement either. It didn’t matter to him, if he was honest, but he’d at least make the effort since he was sure everyone expected it from him.

He was honestly struggling more than he cared to show. It was like he told Rem last night. Everyone looked at him and saw Subaru Natsuki, but he didn’t feel like their Subaru Natsuki. What did it even mean to be Subaru? He was the father of a small girl, the hero of a broken maid, a long-lost friend to so many people he didn’t know, and the victim of a literal witch hunt orchestrated by these same ‘friends’. Sure, Reinhard played a small role, but apparently the rest of those who he’s to meet tonight were just, what, bystanders? Could he really blame them if their memories of him were eaten and they punished him for a crime he not only didn’t remember, but survived unscathed?

That would be highly hypocritical of him, wouldn’t it?

The thought that this was all some sort of elaborate set up came to mind, but he pushed it down. Even if it was, they’ve had every opportunity to do something unspeakable to him with his ignorance. These people were his only lifeline now. He didn’t have a choice but to rely on them. For whatever reason, the idea that he had to rely on his old friends upset him greatly. It made him feel weak and useless, like he was cabbaging on to the old Subaru’s identity to skate by like some sort of thief.

He still wasn’t sure who he was, and it frustrated him. He wasn’t a hero, a butler, a knight… To him, he was just himself. Subaru, but not their Subaru. A monster in sheep’s clothing.

How long would he last before the beast bared its fangs?

When he stepped out, the girls just stared at him. It was uncomfortable at first, but then he noticed Rem’s blush and Ram’s smile. Did that mean they approved? Their happiness pulled him from the pit as their warmth washed over his internal perceptions. He felt his own smile creep up as Ram brushed past him into the large closet with a grinning Carina who gave her Papa a thumbs up. He could tell from the bundle in Ram’s arms that she had chosen various pants, shirts, and dresses for Carina to try on. Subaru hoped she had picked practical outfits. The one his daughter had been wearing was adorable and all, but it didn’t seem like something for a traveler.

Subaru listened to Carina giggle as the girls took their time inside. His eyes flicked to a quiet Rem as she continued to stare at him, but her expression had grown concerned.

“Is there something on your mind, Subaru?”

He walked over to her and rubbed the dark bags under his eyes. “Of course there is, but don’t worry. I’m just not feeling well.”

“What’s bothering you? You can tell me.”

“It was just a vision, Rem. Nothing that I can remember.”

“Yet it’s obvious you remember something.” Rem said and met his eyes. “I accept you are not the same Subaru we knew, but we’re still friends. Whatever is making you anxious, I’ll help you in any way I can.”

Subaru sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. “How do you know I’m anxious?”

“You don’t want to stay in one place, as if you’re used to running.”

He chuckled mirthfully. “Maybe you’re right.”

That caught Rem’s attention. She turned to face him fully and stared at him with a determined face. “What do you remember?”

The intensity of Rem’s gaze was uncomfortable. It forced him to look away and try to stuff his hand in his pocket, but his fingers were intercepted by Rem’s gentle touch. He knew she cared, but how did he explain to her what he himself didn’t understand? Just thinking about it made his head hurt.

“I was being hunted… I don’t know who or why, but I remember trying to escape this girl… She called me an ‘imposter’.” He said as Rem’s grip tightened a little.

“Did you recognize her?” She asked.

He thought about his reflection in the mirror and said, “Yes.”

“Who was she?”

“That I don’t know, but she looked… Just like me.” Subaru said. He looked at a now confused Rem and asked, “did I have a sister, or any family that you know of?”

Rem shook her head. “No, as far as I’m aware you came to Lugunica alone. You never mentioned any siblings.”

Of course not. That’d be too easy, wouldn’t it? Subaru inwardly groaned. His headache was just a dull heartbeat in his temple, so he said, “I’m sure I’ll figure it out eventually, Rem. Let’s not worry about it anymore.”

“But Subaru, doesn’t that concern you? Is she the one who hurt you?” Rem asked, unable to dismiss it as easily as him.

“There isn’t anything I can do about it right now.” Subaru was getting agitated, but not with Rem. He felt useless and isolated in his own mind. “So, please, let’s just forget about it.”

“Aren’t you afraid she’ll find you?”

A shadow passed across Subaru’s face. “Honestly? I hope she does.”

Rem, to her credit, said nothing. Instead, she gave his hand one more squeeze before she let him go. Though she hated the idea that someone was likely out there that wanted to do him harm, she understood his feelings. To him, he was stumbling around in the dark with few to no answers and the burden of everyone’s expectations. She knew it all bothered him greatly. Thankfully, she already made up her mind on what to do.

She would protect and follow him as his truest friend. Her eyes darkened and gripped the hem of her skirt. Even if she was the only one worthy of such an honor, she’d become everything he needed her to be.

The closet opened and Carina came out wearing a new dress. Unlike her previous white, this dress was red and sleeveless with a skirt that reached her ankles. Underneath the dress, she wore a white long-sleeved blouse and little brown boots over black stockings. Her long blonde hair, sporting two new red flower hair clips, was pinned up into twin pigtails that reached her lower back. She ran to Subaru and Rem squealing with joy, begging them for their opinion on her new outfit.

“Oh, my goodness, you’re adorable, Lady Carina!” Rem gushed, much to the delight of the blushing blonde.

“Man, Rem isn’t kidding! You’re a pretty little angel!” Subaru said with a loving smile.

“Yay!” Carina practically tackled Subaru and squeezed his waist in a tight hug. It seemed his daughter had no words for how happy she was to hear such flattery, so instead just clung to him and giggled.

“Auntie Ram knew Papa Barusu would approve,” the pink maid said smugly as she rejoined the group.

“Thanks for the help, Ram and Rem. I truly appreciate the help.” Subaru said wholeheartedly.

Both maids smiled with enough warmth that Subaru could feel it inside his chest. He still didn’t understand what that feeling was, but it wasn’t unpleasant. If anything, it was comfortable and made him want to be around the girls even more. It reminded him that he was lucky to have these two supporting Carina and him.

To complete his outfit, he retrieved the items from the cart and put on his long black fur-lined coat, coin pouch, the knife that he strapped to his leg, and the sword that made him uncomfortable. He doubted he’d be able to use it, but maybe it’d be a good deterrent for anyone with funny ideas. If he didn’t fall on it and kill himself, at least. When Carina saw him strap the sword to his waist, he noticed her concern and tried to smile to reassure his daughter. She smiled back somberly and hugged him again. The feeling of her affection was so familiar to him now. If Subaru was honest, he wasn’t sure how he’d feel without Carina’s hugs anymore.

He put her coat on her and when she was comfortable, they walked hand in hand to meet Reinhard at the entrance.

There he found not only Reinhard, but the twin maids waiting as well.

Inwardly, he groaned. Okay, he understood Rem, but Ram, too? The hell did she think was going to happen? Wait, scratch that, he didn’t want to know what Ram thought. Probably something deplorable, knowing her.

“Are we ready to depart?” Rem asked Subaru as Carina squeezed her Papa’s hand.

“Ready!” Carina cheered with her little fist in the air.

Rem crouched in front of the tiny blonde and whispered conspiringly, “If we see a candy shop, let’s get your Papa to buy you some.”

Carina’s eyes grew to the size of saucers and tried not to salivate. If Rem wasn’t her favorite person in the Manor, she was now. The little girl voiced around a mouthful of drool how excited she was.

“I’ve never heard of candy before! Is that what you do to sweet potatoes?” Carina’s eyes glittered.

Subaru felt all eyes on him even as he face-palmed. The hell kind of a parent was he before losing his memories? How could any child not know what candy is? Damn it, he felt like such an ass. Only Rem seemed to pity him if her strained smile was any indication.

He didn’t miss Reinhard casually checking his pocket for spare coins.

“I-I think you’ll love it if you tried it.” Rem said with an awkward smile. “I bet your Papa will definitely get you some.”

“Yay! Let’s use what little money Papa has and buy lots of candy!” Carina bounced up and down at her genius plan.

Subaru’s eye twitched, his head hurt, but he smiled anyway. It’s not like he could do anything about the past now. As if he didn’t feel shitty enough about himself. All he could do was grin and bear it as he tried to do better.

“I thought the idea was to keep him inside the Manor, you know. So why are we letting him go to the city?” Lesath asked Maia as Subaru and his friends wandered through the busy streets below.

The two of them were on the rooftop of a shop that gave them a great vantage point to watch Papa. Thankfully, his friends were easy to spot even if he was darkly clothed. The smiling Lesath was on her stomach and kicking her legs in the air like a schoolgirl watching her crush. Unfortunately for everyone, that description was entirely too accurate.

“Carina can’t draw suspicion to herself. If Papa was adamant about going to the city, she’d have to go with him. After all, she isn’t aware of the entire plan.” Maia said as she leaned against a chimney, eyeing her Papa and little sister as she spoke.

Lesath hummed a cheery little tune as she cradled her head in her hands and flopped her tail from side to side. Papa was so handsome, even at this distance. She watched as he held Carina’s hand and smiled lovingly at her. Damn it, she loved that fatherly side of him.

“What’s going on in there?” Maia asked with an annoyed side eye to the young woman.

“Heh, nothing, just thinking how much I miss being around Papa.” Lesath said with a light blush. “Do you think we’ll get to actually meet his old friends before Mean Mama kills them?”

“You know that’s not the plan. Stop saying stuff like that.” Maia said as she glared at the back of the demi-human’s head.

Lesath’s wolf ears drooped a bit. “Sorry, sorry… You know how she gets, though…”

“Yeah.” Maia growled. “Don’t remind me.”

The older girl looked over her shoulder in horror as she remembered what Mean Mama had done to Maia years ago. “Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! I didn’t mean…”

“Its fine, just forget it.” Maia looked away with a curled lip. “Just do your job and keep track of them.”

Lesath’s ears perked back up and she gave her younger sister a mock salute. “Sure thing, sir, Black Swordswoman, sir! I shall watch Papa and intervene when needed!”

“You won’t intervene at all!”

Lesath flinched then pouted by puffing out her cheeks in a very Carina-like fashion. “Ugh, fine! I just want head pats. Is that so wrong?”

“Idiot,” Maia muttered.

“Did you say something?”

“Nope.”

Once they were in the city, Subaru thought he’d feel better. In a way, he did, but not like he thought. The vastness of Lugunica’s Capital was an upgrade from a single manor; however, it was the sheer number of people that he struggled with. He felt like he was always alert when it came to where Carina was and what she was doing, but he guessed that’s just how it was being a parent. At least he wasn’t feeling cooped up anymore and Carina was having a blast, so he chalked it up to a win. They noticed some flyers here and there advertising a carnival that was to arrive in town within the upcoming week. Subaru pointed it out to Carina, whose eyes lit up and begged him if they could all go together.

While the girls had fun, Reinhard and Subaru kept their eyes peeled for any danger. Thankfully, things seemed normal. No crazy women with knives yet, anyway. It gave Subaru a chance to mentally map out the city as best he could, just in case he ever needed to make an escape.

Despite everyone’s reluctance to let Carina and he leave, he reminded himself that their charity wouldn’t last forever. At some point, he’d have to start providing for himself, not that he doubted Reinhard would want to help establish him somewhere. He just didn’t want to be a freeloader his entire life since he had Carina to look after. His friends crowded around him as they explored the city, and it was beginning to overwhelm him.

It’s not that he didn’t appreciate his friends’ concern for him. He just wanted more space than they were willing to give him. As they walked down the stone streets, Subaru couldn’t help but notice how much it felt like he was a part of a school yard gang. It would have made him self-conscious if not for Carina to distract him with her childish antics.

It was getting close to time for Felt to return, so this was their last stop. They spotted a quaint candy shop nestled within the business district of the city. Rem excitably pointed it out to the little girl. Subaru was practically dragged into the shop by the rabid child while his friends smiled and chuckled at his expense.

Inside, Subaru and Carina were dazzled by the riot of colors vastly different types of candies available. The walls were lined with glass jars and display bins of various sweets while the main floor hand multiple tables displaying even more treats. Each table had a colorful assortment of candies and even a few baked sweets, neatly surrounded with tasteful decorations meant to draw the attention of potential customers, or more specifically, their children. Even under the weather, Subaru was sucked into the allure of his veritable sugar haven by his daughter’s sweet tooth. Carina tried to take in the sights before her but was limited at times due to her height when she wanted to see the items on the highest shelves.

Subaru offered to lift her, but she turned him down and instead had her Auntie Rem pick her up. He felt slightly guilty and relieved, since he really was feeling run down by now. What a time to get sick, he thought. Even if they offered to go back, he would stubbornly refuse. He didn’t want to ruin Carina’s time, even if he originally wanted this time out for himself. Even Ram was enjoying herself, splitting her time between him and her sister. At one point, she must have been curious about a product because she went to ask the shopkeeper about something.

“See something you like?” Reinhard asked with a pleasant smile as he held up a large swirly lollipop.

“Oh, not really. I was just amazed at the crazy amount of candy here.” Subaru said as he gawked.

“It’s interesting. From what I’ve heard, the Gemini Company is responsible for a lot of new products.”

“Huh? Gemini Company?”

“Yes,” Reinhard said as he flipped the lollipop to reveal a company logo on the ribbon tied around stick. The logo looked like the silhouettes of two women facing each other with smiles outlined in gold. “I assume this shop received at least some of their products from the Gemini Company. It’s based out of Kararagi, from what I hear.”

“That’s cool. Where’s Kararagi?” Subaru asked with mild curiosity. With how he felt, he really didn’t care that much, but Reinhard was enjoying the talk.

“To the west of Lugunica. They have more than just candy, from what I understand. They’ve created innovative products such as furniture, kitchen implements, and more. We even have a few of their products at the Manor.”

“Huh,” Subaru said as he watched Rem lift Carina up to view the top shelf of some kind of gummy candy.

“Are you feeling worse, Subaru? We can leave any time.” Reinhard offered after he noticed his friend’s pallor.

“I’m fine, Reinhard. Just tired, is all.” Subaru said dismissively as he tried to ignore how nasally he was starting to sound.

His vision was obscured by a cloth. Pulling back to get a better look, he saw a dainty hand holding a delicate handkerchief between two slender fingers. Beside him, Ram stared at him with disapproval.

“It’s a wonder how you managed this long without Ram. She would have thought Barusu knew better than to stand out in the cold rain in the middle of the night.”

“He did what?” Reinhard gasped.

Subaru ignored Reinhard and took the handkerchief with a roll of his eyes. He was too tired to deal with the bullshit. “Yeah, I’m just stupid Barusu.”

Reinhard and Ram suddenly grew concerned.

“Ram was just teasing. She didn’t mean it like that.” She said, unable to hide the change in tone.

“Maybe you should quit teasing him so much, Miss Ram.” Reinhard said, unsure of how to resolve the issue.

“It’s fine, guys. Let’s just enjoy this.” Subaru held the cloth to his nose. “I’m going to step outside for a minute. I’ll be back.”

The pinkette said ‘Ram will go with you’ at the same time, Reinhard said ‘I’ll go with you’.

Suddenly feeling exhausted, Subaru looked between them irritably. Reinhard nervously backed off, but Ram held her ground with both hands on her hips. The raven-haired boy turned and exited the adorable shop, leaving Reinhard to stare at his lollipop in quiet contemplation.

Maybe there is something I can get him as an apology, Reinhard thought worriedly.

As Subaru stepped out, a certain pink bob cut followed him. Whatever. He should have figured she wouldn’t let him be.

Subaru discreetly blew his nose in the narrow alley beside the shop. Thankfully, Ram stood around the corner to afford him a little privacy. Outside, Subaru breathed a huge sigh and leaned against the wall. Of course he’d get sick now. It’s not like much else could go wrong. Did he have a weak constitution?

Subaru exited the alleyway. He saw Ram perk up at his reappearance, then quickly school her features into disinterest. It bothered him a bit, but only because he found it strange. Was Ram always like this? Her behavior lately was vastly different compared to the… unpleasant barbs and snarky attitude she displayed when he first met her.

“You okay, Ram?” Subaru asked, genuinely concerned.

Ram held his gaze for a moment, then shyly looked away. “Ram is fine, Barusu. Please don’t think otherwise.”

Okay, something was up.

“You just seem…” Subaru began, then trailed off.

Ram’s trademarked sass was triggered. “Oh, pray tell, Barusu. What were you going to say? Don’t be shy.”

For some reason, her teasing brought color to his cheeks. Maybe he did have a fever.

“You just seem sweeter than in my previous loop.”

Now it was Ram’s turn to blush. Instead of hiding it this time, she leaned into the teasing more. “Ram is always sweet and innocent, unlike Barusu.”

When he stiffened, Ram noticed it immediately. It confirmed her suspicions. She looked at the clearly frustrated and guilty young man as something was made clear.

Subaru Natsuki was losing an invisible battle.

“Forget I said anything.” Subaru said harshly. He grazed her shoulder as he tried to push past Ram but was stopped when she grabbed his arm and pulled him back into the alleyway. Try as he might, he couldn’t fight the deceptively small oni’s strength. “The hell’s your problem?”

Ram glared at his crude language. It made her aggressively push him against the brickwork.

“Close your eyes,” she commanded.

“Just let me go, Ram. I’m not in the mood.”

“Exactly. So, close your eyes or Ram will scream.”

He gave Ram an incredulous look. What was she planning? Subaru was at a loss, but he was also honest when he said he wasn’t in the mood for any antics. The determined look in Ram’s eyes told him, however, that what he wanted was irrelevant. Seeing no way out, Subaru turned his head away and sighed before complying.

He felt Ram’s slender fingers grip his jaw and twist his head to face her again.

“What are you-“ Subaru complained as he opened his eyes.

“I told you to close your eyes or I’ll start screaming.” Ram scolded, forgoing her typical way of speech and shaking. In the brief glimpse he had, he noticed Ram’s cheeks were as pink as her hair.

“Fine…”

He did as instructed, but now he was more nervous than anything. A thousand ways this could end badly for him raced through his brain when Ram issued her next command.

“S-Say ahh…”

“Huh- mmh!”

Something hard was forced past his lips and clicked against his teeth before being placed against his tongue. His eyes shot open as he pulled away, only to smack the back of his head against the wall he was pressed against. It took him a second to register the taste of whatever Ram had shoved into his mouth, but he was surprised to find it tasted like sweet honey.

“What is this?” He asked the beautiful nude blonde that lay atop him as she placed something dark against his lips.

“Taste it and see.” His lover purred softly.

Subaru let the treat pass his lips and bit into it gently. His mouth exploded with the familiar flavor of a sweet cherry covered in dark chocolate. It was delicious, as was the pair of lips that pressed against his shortly after.

Dumbfounded and lost in the grip of his vision, Subaru could only stare down at Ram in stunned silence as the taste of honey mingled with that of dark chocolate and cherries on his tongue.

Ram retracted her trembling fingers from Subaru’s parted lips and smiled as smugly as she could while obviously trying not to hyperventilate. The pink oni was completely flushed and leaning against him for support, which didn’t help either of their nerves. Both noticed how close each other’s faces were.

Reality faded in and out. He was barely aware of his eyes glazing over, let alone that Ram’s never stopped peering into his eyes. Something stirred in his chest at the feeling of her.

“I-I was t-told those hard candies s-soothed sore throats.” Ram stumbled with feigned confidence, trying and failing to make this any less awkward.

“O-Oh? Subaru replied around said candy, sounding very intelligent.

“Y-You’re welcome,” was the only thing the panicked maid could think to say with her heart about to give out.

Neither of them realized that the other hadn’t moved, or that they could move at any time. Something washed over them the moment their shoulders touched, something dark and powerful, and it was getting stronger. It made Ram shudder against Subaru’s chest.

Meanwhile, Subaru’s head felt like an egg cracking open.

Her body pressed against his back and her arms encircled his shoulders as he sobbed into his hands. It was the only thing that felt real to him. Everything else was washed of its color, suffocating him. Everything but her.

“Shhh…” She cooed lovingly into the back of his neck. “Don’t be scared.”

“There is no way we can have a baby!”

Her arms tightened and kept him safely anchored to her.

Her hands gripped the fabric of his vest as they slipped under his coat.

“B-Barusu? What are you…?”

Unable to respond to the maid pressed into his body, his reality shifted to a different woman in a different time.

“Have you thought of a name yet?” His ‘wife’ asked him, rubbing her swollen belly as she sat up in bed. With the monochrome candlelight on the nightstand opposite of him, he could barely make out her features past the halo of light around her. Her red-pink eyes twinkled in amusement and a soft smile rested comfortably on her face. This petite little woman, despite being on permanent bed rest until the birth of their child, was glowing with serenity and joy. It was the most intoxicating sight he’s ever seen.

Beside her on the bed, he placed a hand on her abdomen and felt a kick. The sensation both excited and terrified the soon-to-be father. He didn’t deserve this happiness.

“You have a say in this, too.” Subaru said with a neutral tone that didn’t match his feelings.

“Do you still like the name ‘Carina’?”

Subaru pulled her against him. That woman… The one in his memories and the one in his arms. They weren’t blonde.

They weren’t Mama. They…

Don’t say that to me! You can’t! You shouldn’t!” Subaru begged as he backed away from her in utter terror.

The petite beauty glared with every step towards him, her intensity only matched by the feelings she was trying to convey.

“Considering I gave birth to our daughter, I think I’m the only one who should have the right to say it!”

When Subaru’s back hit the wall, it gave her the chance to pin him and bring her inches from his. He grabbed her scarred wrists and tried to push her away, but he couldn’t bear the memory of how he hurt her in his despair. Even now he could see the chains he’d used to keep her captive and how the metal bit into her once flawless porcelain flesh.

After everything he did to her, how could she say those words…

“I love you…”

“… Su-Subaru! Mmm!”

His lips crashed against theirs in a tangle of dreams and reality. He felt each of them relax in his arms and return the kiss with varying degrees of hesitation and acceptance. Memories merged with reality and flooded his every perception.

“Just loving someone isn’t a reason to believe in them!” A silver-haired elf shouted with tears in her eyes. She paused, unable to continue past the lump in her throat. Choking down her sobs, she found the ability to ask her closest friend, “Then… Why? Why did you break your promise?”

Subaru choked and in a strained voice replied, “I can’t… tell you.”

The elf fell to her knees under the crushing weight of her self-doubt. She pleaded with him for answers.

“When all the memories come back, what’s going to happen to me?”

Subaru was silent for a moment before he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. Finding confidence, he declared, “Then I’ll make you believe in me now.”

The startled elf, seemingly put at ease with his touch, slowly closed her eyes just before he pressed his lips to hers in a chaste, but no less loving kiss. When they parted, it was for Subaru to breathe the words etched into his heart. Words that had been given to him by probably one of the most important women in his old life.

“I love you. No matter how many hopeless sides of you I see…”

She looked up at him with a light blush. His words had reached her.

“What matters isn’t how you start. It’s how it ends.”

Slender fingers ran up his cheeks and grabbed two fistfuls of black hair. Bodies pressed together with no space in between. Their kiss became hungrier as nearly every thought scattered to the wind. Whatever insanity this was felt like an all-consuming need.

A need that was quickly denied.

Just as the kiss was about to deepen, those slender hands fell to his chest and pushed their owner away with enough force to break free of the embrace. The dark spell was broken, leaving both participants in sin breathless and confused. As Subaru’s glazed eyes began to refocus on who was in front of him, the pain began to subside into a sharp white-hot pick stabbing into the center of his brain. Nothing felt or looked real, as if somehow everything was dull and hyper realistic simultaneously. Before him was the slender black and white figure of a girl…

Then his vision violently shifted down the filthy alley.

He couldn’t feel the pain, but the force of her slap was grounding. In a daze, Subaru slowly looked back to the girl with several overlapping faces until they settled into that of a certain oni. Color bled back to the world. Ram’s beautiful, flushed face was twisted into a mixture of horror, outrage, and… desire? The fire he felt inside her flickered and told him as much, so why were there tears in her eyes?

Who had hurt his Ram?

“You… You bastard! How dare you!” She shouted, her lip trembling.

“You bastard… You fucking worthless piece of meat…” The light was leaving her eyes, but not quickly enough. “How? How could you…?”

Subaru felt bile rise up his throat as his mind caught up. There was no way. Had he just…?

“R-Ram, I’m s-so sorry! I didn’t mean-“ Subaru sputtered in disbelief.

“I don’t want to hear it!” Ram cut him off, but Subaru reached for her anyway, his hands shaking terribly.

“Just let me explain-!“

“Shut! Up!” She screeched and slapped his hand away. “Touch me again and… and I’ll…”

Subaru watched helplessly as Ram’s angry tears rolled down her cheeks. He didn’t understand what had possessed him to do something like that. Ram was a friend and Rem’s sister. Even if he cared about her, it’s not like either of them felt romantic towards the other. So why had he wanted her in those moments? It was all so… confusing.

Fingers shaking, Subaru reached up under his coat and dug his nails into the fabric on his shoulder as the weight of his own endless turmoil pulled him down into that dark little pit inside his head.

What the hell have I done?

When Ram ran out of the alley and back on to the street, Subaru couldn’t find the will to go after her. He hung his head as his eyes flooded with angry tears, his fingers slick as he managed to dig through his shirt and into the soft flesh of his arm.

I wish I had never come back.

Ram couldn’t wrap her mind around what had just happened. She had just wanted to make sure Barusu didn’t get hurt. Yes, she had discreetly purchased a lozenge for him as a token of goodwill, but this wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

Her own body had betrayed her. Being that close to Barusu, even playfully shoving her gift into his stupid face, none of that had been planned. She had acted without thinking and somehow fell into a trap. Some kind of dark magnetism drew her body to his, but Ram couldn’t understand how or why.

It had to be some depraved spell of his. Barusu was capable of yin magic, and she saw him develop spells with Beatrice. What if he had changed in the year he had been gone and became some kind of pervert? That must be it, she told herself. Nothing else made sense. She would never have kissed him otherwise.

So why did her heart cry out for more?

Ram could still taste the honey on his lips. How could that ungrateful bastard do that to her? To Rem and his supposed ‘wife’? Is that the kind of creep Barusu has become? She wanted to curse him, hate him, even hurt him… almost as much as she wanted to feel his hands on her body again.

As Ram hurried away from the man who made her legs feel like jelly, her face burned with repressed want and indignation. This wasn’t right. She betrayed Carina’s Mama, her feelings for Roswaal, and even herself, but most importantly, her sister Rem. What the hell made her want to do something so awful?

When he held her, it felt so right. When his face drew closer, she couldn’t bring herself to look away. When their lips met, Od knows deep down she had wanted it. She craved the intimacy he offered. It’s why she pressed into him and ran her fingers through his soft hair. It’s why even as she cried like some pathetic love-struck girl, she wanted to turn around and make him her stupid Barusu.

She had no idea such a revolting thought would be so exciting.

I’m pathetic, she thought when she finally exited that damned alleyway.

Her body collided with something soft, yet unmoving. So blinded by emotion and lost in her own thoughts, she had run into a pedestrian like an idiot. Ram was startled and prepared to spout some hurried apology to slip past, but was stopped when she saw the person was wearing the same maid outfit she was wearing.

Her breath hitched in her throat. She had run straight into the last person she wanted to see right now. Praying that Rem was somehow ignorant of what just transpired, Ram lifted her eyes to face her sister.

She was met with dead, hollow eyes.

Ram’s blood ran cold. “S-Sister, it wasn’t-“

“When did it start?” Rem asked, her voice mechanical.

“W-What?”

“When did you start having feelings for Subaru?” Rem asked as she clenched her fists.

“You don’t understand!” Ram sputtered as she backed away, sensing Rem’s growing hostility. “I never-“

“When did you start planning to take him away from me?” Rem snapped as she advanced, her dead eyes coming alive with fury. “When did you even have a chance to seduce him? I knew I’d have to keep him from that half-devil! I knew I’d have to deal with Carina’s mother! But you, my own sister? Admit it, that’s why you insisted on sleeping in his bed last night!”

People were taking notice and gathering around the twin maids. Ram could hear them talking amongst themselves because of the public drama unfolding.

“What’s going on?” Someone asked.

“Are they fighting over a boy?” Another asked.

“Someone had an affair with twin maids? Unbelievable!” A woman said in disgust.

“Hey, sign me up!” a crude young man jeered.

The sisters ignored them all.

“Why, Ram? Why did you try to take Subaru away from me?” Rem demanded as tears ran down her cheeks.

“Take him away? Have you lost your mind, Rem? It’s Barusu! Why would I want to take him away from anyone?” Ram countered.

“I felt how much you wanted him, Ram! I felt it in here!” Rem shouted as she brought a hand to her heart. “When will it be enough for you? When will you just let me have some happiness for myself?”

Ram was at a loss. Stunned, she asked, “What are you talking about?”

Neither dared to look away from the other. At some point, Carina and Reinhard came outside because the little blonde threw herself between them with her arms extended like a human shield. Reinhard, who carried a small paper sack with Carina’s spoils inside, looked both nervous and alarmed.

“Please don’t fight, Aunties!” A visibly worried Carina begged.

“Miss Rem, Miss Ram, what are you doing? Stop this right now! Where is Subaru?” Reinhard said.

Unfortunately for them, Ram was far more frightened of Rem than Reinhard.

“First, it was mother and father! I had to try so hard at everything just to get an ounce of the praise you received!”

Effectively eviscerated, Ram’s eyes widened in shock. Why was she bringing this up here and now?

“When I fell in love with Subaru, I finally found a reason to live outside of your shadow! And now after everything that happened, you try to take him from me, too? You could have told me, and we could have discussed what to do, but you do this instead?” Rem screamed the next words with a murderous gleam in her eyes. “You self-centered bitch!”

Silence.

The moment the words left Rem’s mouth, the blue oni regretted them. Her entire demeanor fell, and a hand flew to her mouth, as if she could put the words back down her throat. She stared in horror at her twin. Her mouth worked uselessly, unable to form the words.

“Rem!” Reinhard snapped. He was starting to panic. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t see, hear, or smell Subaru. This farce had to end. Now. “Apologize! That was completely uncalled for!”

Carina just stood there, unsure of what to say.

Ram stared past Rem. Outside, she was as still as stone. Inside, she was churning like a stormy sea. There was too much to say, too much to process. Faced with a myriad of new and confusing emotions, Ram hadn’t known how to handle Subaru’s advances. Now, faced with Rem’s venom, she knew exactly how to handle it.

With venom of her own.

Ram’s face rippled into exasperated laughter. She tilted her head back as her entire body shook, much to everyone’s shock. The darkest rage that Ram had ever felt mixed with her newfound desires and clouded her mind. Why not, right? Maybe Rem was right. Maybe she was a self-centered bitch, but…

“Oh, you have the nerve to call me ‘self-centered’? Don’t make me laugh, dear sister!” Ram spat as she leveled a glare at her younger twin.

Now it was Rem’s turn to be afraid.

“When your stupid idol abandoned us, what happened? You became depressed! You barely slept or ate! I feared that one day I’d wake up and you’d have wasted away because of that worthless degenerate!

“Don’t insult him! You know damn good and well why he left!” Rem snapped with renewed fire.

“Hah!” Ram laughed. Of course she knew, but this wasn’t about his feelings- this was about hurting her. “I’ll call the man who ruined our lives what I want! Because he ran away, the Lord Roswaal I loved fell apart and tossed us aside! Did you hear that, sister? I was abandoned, too!”

Rem said nothing.

“So, what did I do? I spent an entire year trying to keep us fed and you alive! Everything I did was for you and that stupid man you love! Do you have any idea, or even care, how much stress I’ve been under living for both of us? Even after losing Roswaal, my home and the man I love, I was still prepared to leave with you two if he ever came crawling back! So here he comes, not only in bed with another woman but dragging along her child? Are you kidding me? How pathetic!”

Carina’s face fell. “Auntie, you…”

“Ram, enough!” Reinhard begged, but caught sight of Carina ducking away through the crowd with a tearful expression. “M-Miss Carina, wait!”

The child reached the alleyway behind Ram right as Reinhard caught up to her. What Carina saw was just an empty space between buildings. She turned to Reinhard in a panic and pleaded, “Wh-Where’s Papa? Where did he go?”

Reinhard’s hand curled into a fist as the twins continued their argument.

“You want to hear the truth, Rem? Fine!” Ram shouted, then smiled darkly as she touched her lips with still trembling fingers. “Our kiss was mutual.”

Rem’s glare intensified as a small spark arced from her forehead.

“The best part?” Ram smirked past her frustrated tears. “I’d love to do it again.”

The next thing she knew, Rem’s Morningstar was screaming towards her.

Interlude: Welcome to the bonus content of Ch. 8! This is brought to you by the votes for a Meili centered content addition! So, please thank users and Guests: OwI, SpideyIsLegend, tankerboo, VGodOfRain, Bruce, surelyfake, and Remi for this extra bit of fun! 

That being said, this bonus content did not go in the direction I thought it would. It gets a bit dark, so please keep that in mind. Psychological Torture and the unexpected arrival of a certain female character I've been eager to toss in, but was honestly wasn't going to add just yet. 

The name of this chapter is thanks to a comment by SpideyIsLegend. Sorry man, I just loved it so much I couldn't resist. Lol. 

Enjoy!

Chapter 8.5: The Purple Thing Did Nothing Wrong!

“Hey, Meili, I brought you something special today!” Subaru said as he entered her room with Petra at his side, both of whom held something behind their backs.

Meili climbed out of her plushie pile and sprung up on to her feet. A faint blush dusted her cheeks at being caught once again in her cuddle pile. Somehow Subaru had a knack for walking in right when her guard was finally down, the idiot.

“Oh yeah, big bro~ther? What’s tha~t?” Meili asked, throwing on her adorable childish façade. It always put people at ease with her until they knew the truth about her. Then, apparently, it was just unnerving.

Either way, it was fun.

Subaru took what was behind his back and held it up triumphantly for Meili to see. “Ta-da! It’s a hand knitted scarf by yours truly! Happy birthday, Meili!”

“Aaaand here’s some of Frederica’s dessert, a strawberry shortcake!” Petra said as she brought out her own surprise and smiled brightly beside her crush.

The purple assassin blinked in confusion, then deadpanned, “It’s not my birthday.”

“Yeah, but we haven’t celebrated one yet and you haven’t told us when your birthday is, so…

“Happy birthday, Meili!” Petra and Subaru shouted in unison.

“It’s not my birthday!” Meili snapped.

Both knight and maid froze up but nervously chuckled together after noticing Meili’s change in demeanor. Subaru stepped forward and never lost his smile. It was infuriating.

“I can understand how you must feel, Meili. Even so, I’d like to be your friend.” Subaru said and once again offered the purple scarf.

Meili rolled her eyes and tried to bury her seething rage. How the hell would he know how she felt? He killed her sister and now she was locked up in the mansion, her life was forfeit if Mother ever caught her. She took the scarf anyway and examined it. Meili was immediately taken in by how soft and warm the fabric felt. Upon closer examination, she noticed there was actually various shades of purple woven together. The lighter shades shimmered in the light and stood out among the darker ones.

“I’m glad you like it!” Subaru beamed.

Meili sputtered when she realized she was indeed enjoying it. Blushing once again, she smirked and wrapped it around her neck. “Oh, thank yo~u so mu~ch, big brother! How ever ca~n a girl repay yo~u?”

Petra’s face turned beet red behind Subaru, who just gave Meili headpats with another kind smile. The littlest maid’s jealousy grew as Meili’s face softened unexpectedly. As quickly as Meili’s expression changed, it shifted again into a pout. Making Petra jealous was supposed to be entertaining, not embarrassing.

“You’re no fun,” Meili mumbled as she ignored the steam coming out of Petra’s ears.

“Why don’t you try the cake?” Subaru suggested.

Petra was snapped out of her mood the instant Subaru turned to her. “Oh, right! Cake!”

Meili watched Petra hurry over with the cake, her cheeks still red, and offered her the delicate looking cake with a small strawberry sliced and arranged into a simple flower pattern on the top. If Meili were honest, it did look delicious… and she did love sweets…

“Well, may~be just one bite.” Meili said as she tried to play off how excited she was.

“Oh wow, didn’t know there was a bashful side under there.” Subaru teased the young assassin.

“Oh, don’t tea~se me, big brother! That’s so mea~n!” She whined, taking her cake and acting coy. Ignoring Subaru’s smug grin, she took the dainty dessert and fork off the plate and cut a piece of the cake before putting that piece into her mouth.

Her eyes lit up and her body shuddered involuntarily. Oh hell, that was a good cake! No, she refused to give them the satisfaction of knowing she loved her dessert. Suppressing her emotions, Meili put on her own self-satisfied grin and shrugged.

“Wo~w, big brother, are you trying to bu~tter me up?”

Subaru lightly blushed and hastily said, “No, this was a pure gesture! Don’t make it weird!”

“Y-Yeah, Subaru just wanted to see you happy is all!” Petra said in his defense.

“Oh, I’m su~re!” Meili teased as she slowly ate more cake.

“Look, I’ll be heading for Priestella soon. Maybe if you thank me, I’ll bring you back another treat.” Subaru said.

Meili was going to roll her eyes again but decided to humor him instead. “Thank yo~u, big bro~ther!”

Of course, she didn’t know that would be the last time she saw that goofy smile of his.

Sometime after Subaru’s impromptu birthday for her, Petra came in with a tray of food for Meili. The little maid was late, and it looked like she had been crying, not that Meili cared.

“Did some~thing happen, Pe~tra?” Meili asked with an innocent smile.

“I-It’s Subaru, he… He…” Petra couldn’t continue as she began to sob. It was taking all her strength not to dump Meili’s dinner onto the floor.

“Did he~ get into trouble aga~in?” Meili asked, trying not to let Petra’s crying bother her.

“He’s gone! He-He vanished!” Petra cried as she quickly set the tray down with a loud clatter on a small table against the wall. “They… They forgot who he was and… and…”

“Did he~ get lost?”

“They tortured him!” Petra had sobbed and cried as she used the table to hold up her shaking body. Meili didn’t comfort her for multiple reasons, with one being the frustration that it hadn’t been her to get to him first. “Everyone lost their memories and thought he was a Witch Cultist! They arrested him… Argh!”

Meili watched as Petra kicked the lone chair in the room beside the table. As it fell over, the girl fell to her knees and continued to cry. For whatever reason, Meili was starting to feel bad.

Other than Petra, no one came to visit Meili anymore. Subaru and she had been her only other human contacts. Not that she was complaining, really, but it did get annoying after a while. Even if Petra was terrified of her at first and only came with Subaru, it was kind of nice she still put in the effort to visit past her duties. Then again, she was used to being alone. It came with her own upbringings and the job of an assassin.

So why was she rubbing the maid’s back awkwardly? That is how you comfort people, right? Oh, wait! Meili patted Petra’s head like Subaru used to do. Petra seemed to love them, and Meili had to admit she was going to miss them a little bit, at least.

Without any warning, Petra hugged Meili tightly and cried into her shoulder. The young assassin blushed a little and continued to pat her head. This felt weird, but not unpleasant. It’s not like she hated Petra, after all.

According to Petra, the blue maid had awakened, and their entire group of misfits had spent the next few months hunting for their missing Subaru. Meili didn’t blame him, really. If what she heard about what happened was true, then she’d be running, too. It reminded her of Mother’s punishments, the poor idiot. Ironic the very people he cherished and protected were the ones to turn on him. Serves him right.

About a week ago, that clown bastard had decided to toss out the lot of them. She didn’t understand his thinking, never did, but apparently Subaru going missing affected him badly. Petra had said she delivered a letter to the clown and just snapped after he read it. Now it was just Petra and the blonde cat woman, Frederica. What was Roswaal thinking?

It’s been months since the day he vanished, and Petra has been relentless in trying to make Meili her friend. She humored the maid, if for nothing else than to help pass time. What the hell was going to happen to her, she wondered? Surely, they weren’t going to keep her prisoner forever. She was too much of a liability, so she knew her odds were 50/50. Either she’d be silenced or put to work. It just made the most logical sense.

Meili was lounging in her plushie doll collection and counting the number of cracks in the basement ceiling for the hundredth time. She pulled Subaru’s scarf out from her cuddle pile and held it up to her face. It still smelled like him, funny enough. After he killed Elsa, Subaru would bring her gifts and just spend time with her when possible. He claimed its because he cared about her, but she didn’t put much stock into it. It helped relieve the boredom, but didn’t change the fact she was going to kill him.

Meili didn’t know it at the time, but her fate was tied to the idiot who took her only family away.

When Petra came to her room unexpectedly, Meili thought it was odd. The girl was in tears but excited. She ran into the room, flushed and babbling so quickly that Meili couldn’t understand what she was saying. At least, other than a single name.

“Calm down already! I can’t understand you!” Meili shouted in frustration.

Petra took a few deep breaths and started over.

“Meili, it’s Subaru! He’s back!”

Now that was unexpected. Meili’s eyebrow was raised when she asked, “Where the heck was he?”

“I-I don’t-“

“I’m right here.”

Petra whipped around and beamed at the familiar figure of Subaru Natsuki walking into the room, but Meili was struck by how different he was. His weird clothes were gone and instead he was in a long black coat over matching shirt, pants, and boots. He wore a necklace with two rings around his neck, several thick metallic black bracelets, and an easy smile on his face, but what made Meili pause were his unfeeling eyes.

They reminded her of Elsa’s eyes.

“Hey there, Meili. Been a while.” Subaru said in a strange tone that made Meili’s skin crawl. Petra had run to Subaru and hugged him tightly, a hug he did not return. Even as the maid buried her face into his chest, Subaru’s eyes never left Meili.

“Y-Yeah, it has!” Something’s wrong here. “Where… Where did yo~u go, big bro~ther?” Meili asked, fighting her instincts by putting on her mask.

“Here, there, and everywhere,” Subaru said and waved his hand dismissively. “A lot has happened since I saw you last, you know.”

“Li-Like wha~t?”

“I became a father, for one.”

Meili blinked in confusion.

Petra, on the other hand, was taken aback and looked up at her crush in complete shock. There was pain in her eyes. “W-Wait, what?”

“Yeah, crazy right? One is a little older than you, Meili. Her name’s Maia.”

“B-But, Subaru, h-how…?” Petra asked, upset.

He ignored her and Meili’s narrowed eyes. “I’m sure you’d get along with her. I’ve got a really big family now!”

Something about the way he said that made Meili’s blood run cold.

Subaru put a gentle hand atop Petra’s head.

“I’d really love for you to meet them, but first…”

His fingers dug into her hair.

Meili froze.

“We need to talk.”

CRUNCH!

Faster than she could see, Subaru flicked his wrist and suddenly Petra’s face was staring back at Meili. At first, it looked like she had turned her entire body around, but that wasn’t the case. It took a moment for Petra’s body to register the disconnect, but when she crumpled like a rag doll Meili knew she was dead. Subaru had twisted Petra’s head a complete 180 degrees with the same effort and hesitation it took to toss a used napkin into the garbage.

A hand flew up to Meili’s mouth as she held in her scream. This had to be a nightmare, some demented fever dream. There was no way any of this was real. Petra couldn’t be dead. Subaru wouldn’t have killed her. That can’t be Subaru!

“You know, I was hoping you’d attack me.” Subaru said as if he were commenting on the weather. “Guess I expected too much out of you, Meili.”

Before he even finished speaking, some invisible force wrapped around Meili’s limbs and lifted her up like marionette. She couldn’t move her body no matter how much she struggled. For the second time, Subaru was forcing her to experience true horror. First it was Elsa’s death, and now it was her own.

A familiar purple scarf rose from the ground and wrapped around her neck, nearly cutting off her airways. Meili still fought against the invisible force, but it held her with an unbreakable grip.

What the hell is happening?!

“Hey, I remember that scarf!” Subaru said casually. “I tried hard to be your friend. Pretty crazy, since you’re the reason I died a few times.”

Meili’s eyes widened as her brain struggled to process what insanity he was spouting. “I-I… didn’t…”

“That’s the thing: you did kill me. I mean, you had your pets do it, so same thing. You also killed Rem and forced me to commit suicide, but really, I should thank you for that one. That loop really changed my life in more ways than one.” Subaru’s smile was empty and chilling, devoid of almost all it’s warmth. “Fuck, I want to wring that adorable little neck of yours.”

Meili was trying not to panic. What the hell was he talking about? He was alive, strangling her, so how could she have killed him? Let alone multiple times! Nothing was making any sort of sense. She investigated Petra’s cold, dead eyes and knew she was next. There had to be a way out of this. There had to be-

“You can’t escape my Unseen Hands, Meili. I had them throughout the room the moment I walked in. It’s useless.” The demented young man carefully stepped over Petra’s corpse and slowly walked towards Meili.

With every footstep, the assassin’s panic grew. When he was almost nose to nose with her, their eyes locked. He grinned and lifted one arm to show off his bracelets. At least, that’s what she thought they were until they began shuddering.

“Do you like my pets? I never knew insects could be mabeasts, too. They’ve been interesting to play with.”

Subaru’s eyes flashed.

“Care to guess what they eat?”

One of the thick bracelets broke apart into a dozen links and revealed they were horned beetles of some kind. Each insect turned their glowing red eyes towards the immobilized girl as their metallic black thoraxes split to reveal their noxious yellow wings.

Meili was staring in horror at the creatures, her body shaking as her mind raced with possibilities. How was he controlling these strange mabeasts? Did he somehow have the same Divine Protection as me? No, there was no way! Subaru didn’t have a single Divine Protection! This is impossible!

But maybe I can use this…

“St…op…” She muttered fearfully, staring at the beetles.

They halted and folded their wings back against their bodies, much to Subaru’s amusement.

“Good girl, Meili! Very good.” He grinned behind his arm and watched the now confused beetles skitter along his skin after receiving different orders from different masters.

“K-Ki…ll hi-“ A suffocating Meili hoarsely whispered.

“Don’t try me.” Subaru said as the scarf tightened to cut off her airway completely. He lowered his arm and admired how her lips turned blue. “I came here to adopt you, not kill you.”

What? Is this sick bastard serious? Meili couldn’t help but feel a desperate hope in her chest.

She shuddered as Subaru licked his lips.

He’s toying with me! No… Not like this…

Just as Meili’s eyes began to roll back into her head and her vision faded to black, whatever held her let go. She fell unceremoniously to the ground like a puppet whose strings were cut and gasped in her first full breath of precious air in what felt like a lifetime. Ripping the scarf off her neck and throwing it aside, Meili wanted to cry with relief but the killer in her refused to give him the satisfaction.

“Hurry and get up. I’m eager to reconnect with my old friends.” Subaru said as he couched in front of her and tilted his head to admire the red creases around Meili’s neck.

Meili’s eyes, even as she lay on the ground and coughed up a lung, focused on the limp body of Petra almost ten feet away. Subaru noticed and looked over his shoulder at his handiwork. When he turned his head back to Meili, Subaru’s grin threatened to split his face in half.

“Wanna see her up close?” He asked.

Meili weakly shook her head, but Subaru clapped excitedly and grabbed Meili’s arms to pull her to her feet. He spun them around and held her with her back against his chest. Meili felt ice run down her spine as she was face to face with the maid’s corpse.  

“Petra, come here please,” Subaru called sweetly.

To his delight and Meili’s continued horror, Petra’s corpse began to move.

It shuffled uneasily to its feet, its twisted neck unable to support the weight of her head. It hung limply in a frozen expression of betrayal and fear. Once it stood on trembling legs, the corpse began to slowly step towards them.

Meili screamed and tried to get away as Subaru cackled. As he did, another voice ran out in laughter alongside his. It took Meili a second to realize who else was laughing.

Petra.

“You should see the look on your face! Priceless!” Petra said as she howled with laughter, clutching her sides as her head twisted to face Meili with a predatory smile.

Meili almost lost control of her bladder but squeezed her thighs together to preserve her dignity. No way… There is no way she…

“You did great, Mama.” Subaru praised the walking dead.

Petra’s upside-down face frowned with genuine distaste. “Subaru darling, you know I hate it when you call me that!”

“I’m sorry, my love. May I introduce you to our dear Meili?”

“Let me do it,” Petra said with a smile before she grabbed her head with both hands and righted it atop her shoulders. She then twisted it around like a giant screw atop her shoulders. When her face reappeared over her opposite shoulder, her chestnut hair fell away, and her face contorted into a familiar grin.

Meili’s legs gave out and this time, she let the tears fall.

“Surprise!” Capella Emerada Lugunica said with a wide, sharp toothed smile and a flick of her tongue. The Sin Archbishop of Lust stood with her hands on her slender hips as her body absorbed Petra’s maid attire and reformed into a new outfit. Skintight, sleeveless black dress with a short flowing skirt and bright pink frills along the hem and a matching ribbon tied around her pale neck, bright pink thigh high stockings topped with a singular black bow and no shoes to keep her toes visible, and black mesh gloves with sharp pink claws at the end of each delicate finger. Her short blonde hair was in its same style, but now she sported two piercings in the cartilage of her left ear.

Subaru was forced to hold the girl who decided now was the time to be dead weight. He sighed and sucked on his teeth in slight agitation. “You know, your Mama is ready to forgive you. Right, Capella?”

He just said Mother’s name!

Meili started to struggle against him as she shook her head. Her eyes never left Capella as she fought against Subaru’s hold. It was starting to get annoying.

As Capella walked towards the young assassin, Subaru was forced to use his Unseen Hands to restrain her. The girl was fighting him tooth and nail now, anything to get away from her certain death. He enjoyed her terror, but sadly he still needed her. His plan wouldn’t work without her.

Capella scowled at Meili. “Quit your sniveling, meat! Your Papa’s right, we have an important job for you!”

But Meili couldn’t respond. This had to be a lie, a nightmare. How could Mother be here? How did she get here? Where were Roswaal and Petra?

Were they…?

“Well, this isn’t working.” Subaru sighed.

Meili twisted her head to look at him with watery, pleading eyes. “N-N-No! Please, I’ll… I’ll b-be good-d! I’ll do an-anything, please!”

Capella smirked as she spun on her heels to make her way to the door. “Smart girl, not come with Mama.”

Meili was once again released from the Unseen Hands. She landed unsteadily on her feet, but when Subaru offered her his hand, she refused it and stood on her own. There was no way she wanted this creature touching her ever again.

Mother was humming to herself but stopped as if sensing something. Like a flash, she turned to stare at the space between Subaru and Meili with agitation. Those wicked red eyes of Capella’s focused on the assassin once more.

“Hold his hand before I remove your fingers!” She snapped.

Both terrified and repulsed, Meili did as instructed with a grimace.

“That’s better.” Capella said and smiled gleefully. “Don’t forget Papa’s present!”

Meili almost shrieked with that damned purple scarf draped itself across her shoulders. She shakily nodded and glanced up at Subaru, who returned her look with a now strange and frighteningly pleasant smile. He’s lost his mind, she realized with a shiver up her spine.

“It’s time to meet your new family. Exciting, right?” Subaru said. It was if everything he had done in that room simply hadn’t happened. “Try to get along with everyone, okay? It’s been pretty difficult for my girls to adjust to all the changes.”

She nodded, but when Subaru glanced at her again, she felt that he expected her to hold the conversation. “I-I-I will do my best, big brother.”

“He’s Papa to you!” Capella snarled ahead of them, making Meili squeak in fear.

Subaru’s hand gently squeezed her fingers as if to comfort her. He gave her an apologetic smile, which didn’t give her a good feeling, before reaching into his coat to pull out a small black book that he held up to show the purple haired girl. Meili recognized it instantly as a Gospel. “Sorry about that. Like I said, it’s been difficult. After the meet and greet, I need to have a long talk with Roschi, so I’ll be leaving you with Capella and your Aunties.”

Capella huffed, drawing Meili’s immediate attention. The blonde was walking backwards and facing them with her hands behind her back, her lips curled as she looked at the smiling Subaru. “I still don’t like that you have these other whores hanging around you, darling, even if they care for your daughters.”

“I know but think of it this way: the more they love me, the more people you have to love you.”

That seemed to placate Capella enough, since her scowl softened just a little. “You’re just saying that.”

“Not at all.” His eyes smoldered as a shadow passed over his face. Meili and Capella both felt something stir inside them, though it was only Capella who lightly blushed as a feral grin spread across her features. “You’re still the most privileged out of our entire family.”

Meili couldn’t handle the implications.

Without any further warning, the girl vomited.

Chapter Text

Maia was laying on her stomach with pain in her back. Her head hurt and felt like it was full of air. She tried to open her mouth, but it might as well have been coated in cotton. The world was spinning like a top. Just when Maia thought she couldn’t feel any worse, her stomach lurched. Oh damn it, please don’t…

She rolled on to her side and vomited on somebody’s shingles. At least it hadn’t been all over herself, she thought. Whatever Lesath drugged her with had been something nasty if it took her down. Divine Protection or not, she was her Mama’s daughter and that meant she was just as durable as the woman who gave birth to her.

Maia tried to recall what exactly happened to her. They had been watching Papa and Carina all afternoon. It was kind of fuzzy, but something happened at the candy store. Then came the pain.

What happened?

Was Papa okay?

Maia tried to push herself upright, but everything felt heavy as lead and her thoughts were as thick as molasses. Damn that stupid mutt! What the hell was she thinking?

Gritting her teeth, she decided that the moment she got her hands on that bitch she’d- oh, Od!

Maia puked again, the sick barely missing her knees as it ran down the roof.

She’s fucking dead!

“What in Od’s name are you doing there?”

Oh damn it all!

The cloaked girl lifted her head enough to catch the outline of three familiar figures blocking the sun’s last rays for the evening. Two women and one man. Maia recognized the voice of her Auntie Nana from the more petite middle figure and slurred a curse towards Lesath. Nana must have heard her, because she sighed and the clicking of heeled boots on tile signaled she was approaching the inebriated teenager. When she was standing above her, Maia could see Nana’s long raven hair cascading past her shoulders and framing her pale, beautiful face. Maia was glad her features were blurry, though. Nana’s angry senpaku eyes always made her nervous.

“What happened? Where is Lesath?” Nana questioned despite already knowing the answer. Her voice sounded warbly in Maia’s ears. Thankfully, she could understand her.

“Poishn… Mutt…” Maia slurred in agitation.

Nana growled and stomped her foot a little too close to Maia’s head for comfort.

“If you weren’t my Niece, I’d kick your ass for letting her get the jump on you.” Nana glared down at Maia, her lip curled as she crouched and touched something painful on Maia’s back.

With little ceremony, Nana yanked three objects out of Maia’s back and held them up to reveal poisoned throwing needles, something Lesath picked up during her education as a healer and an assassin. Maia groaned, she should have seen that coming from her sister.

“Papa… wouldn’t…”

“Yeah, yeah, daddy protects his little girl.” Nana sighed and snapped her fingers. The second, white haired male figure drew closer and lowered their head subserviently. Nana looked over her shoulder and took out a small metia from her pocket before offering it to the cloaked man. “Send word to Mama. If Big Brother is missing, it means Reinhard will be searching and we’ll need to find him quickly. Take the long way and meet us back at the safehouse.”

The figure nodded and ran. He parkoured across the rooftops to make the call in a more secure location. With him gone, Nana returned her attention to Maia.

“Thankfully, Big Brother knew this might happen and came up with a plan. Even if Reinhard finds Lesath, it won’t matter so long as she doesn’t say or do anything stupid.” Nana crouched and brushed a hand across Maia’s flushed cheek. The usually angry Auntie sounded unusually tired today. “Let’s get you on the ground. You’ll have to get to your safehouse alone, it’s too dangerous for me to take you now. You can rest there, okay?”

Maia nodded.

Auntie Nana helped the teenager up, then supported her by putting an arm around her waist and having Maia drape an arm around Nana’s shoulders. The pair slowly walked to the edge of the roof that overlooked another alleyway. From her belt beneath her cloak, Nana produced a black whip and used it to grab ahold the chimney of the adjacent building to lower them to a safer height before dropping down on to the secluded path. In the shadows between the two buildings, Nana gently helped the drugged Maia into a sitting position against a wall. She was about to walk away without another word, but Nana stopped and patted the teen’s head.

They stared at each other in silence.

The other female figure gracefully dropped down into the alley beside them. Somehow, Maia knew the woman was smiling. Nana faced this woman with a smirk.

“You know what to do, Sister.”

The figure darted out of the alley towards the markets in the East.

Then Nana was out of the alley and vanished from sight, leaving Maia to fend for herself. She wasn’t upset by Nana’s departure; it was for the best. If Reinhard tracks the Witch’s scent, he may find Nana’s safehouse instead of Papa. It was too risky to leave that to chance and too much had gone into the plan for Lesath’s love for Papa to screw it all up. They didn’t know where Lesath was yet, which meant she’d be close to wherever Papa is. Her adopted older sister can be such a pain in the ass.

As much as Maia loved her, she had to wonder why Papa felt the need to bring her back.

Maia was beginning to get feeling back into her legs, but she still felt lethargic and nauseous. As she was finally able to stand on her own, she thought about the likelihood that Nana would be unable to escape. Maia hasn’t detected the Witch’s scent since Nana left, but she wasn’t sure how good of a nose Reinhard.

I’ve got to get out of here.

Subaru wasn’t sure where he was. He ran as far as legs would carry him, which was pretty far if the elongating shadows around him were any indication. There was no way he wasn’t on the far side of the city by now. It was evening, he chuckled humorlessly. Felt would be home any minute.

As if he wanted to meet anyone else from his past.

The dark-haired young man slumped against the wall of someone’s residence and slowly slid down to sit on the sidewalk. He rested his elbows on his knees and hung his head in between them in defeat. How he wished he could just wake up from this nightmare already. It wasn’t funny.

But reality wasn’t a joke, even if it made him out to be one. Subaru gripped his head and squeezed. What were these visions? It was impossible they were all memories, right? If that were the case, he was a real piece of shit.

Just how many women had he been with?

“How disgusting,” Subaru mumbled. “Maybe I should have been castrated.”

“Who the hell just says that?”

Subaru looked to see a demi-human woman standing directly in front of him. The first thing he noticed was how beautiful she was with her pointed, white-tipped ears poking through thick black hair that fell to her butt and framed her genuine smile perfectly. The woman’s smile turned mischievous and flirty as she tilted her head to the side and rocked on her heels with her hands clasped behind her back, showing off a rather revealing outfit. She wore an orange choker, a white crop top that almost matched her skin tone and ended just under her sizable breasts, black hot pants with a white belt, black leather boots, and a long black coat that reached mid-thigh. Subaru froze when he realized that not only had he checked her out, but that she was apparently enjoying it since her smile grew to a full grin.

“I’m sorry,” Subaru averted his eyes in shame. “I shouldn’t have said that aloud.”

The demi human giggled and shook her head, “Nah, don’t worry about it. Honestly, you shouldn’t say something like that so casually. It’s kinda weird, you know.”

“Uh, yeah. Sorry.” Subaru pushed himself to his feet and tried to walk past her, but she giggled and hopped in front of him. Caught off guard, but not in any kind of playful mood, he tried to lie. “E-Excuse me, I’m… late for something.”

“Oh, it can wait.” She smiled brightly at his incredulous stare. “How’s your wound?”

Subaru took a step back in shock. “H-How did you…?”

“Name’s Lesath, you know. Ring any bells?” The woman, Lesath, asked as she stepped into his personal space and giggled at his surprise.

“W-Wait, Lesath? Reinhard mentioned you! You’re the healer that helped me and Carina, right?”

“Yep, yep, the very same, you know!” Lesath said, her tail wagging behind her. “So, how is the wound? Does it bother you at all?”

How does he explain that his apparently severe abdominal wound just magically vanished? He rubbed the back of his neck tiredly and sighed, causing Lesath’s smile to falter into concern. She tilted her head and furrowed her brows like a worried puppy.

“You okay there?” She asked.

“Yeah, I-I’m fine. My wound is doing great.” Subaru said. “I appreciate you saving my daughter and I.”

Lesath’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head. “I thought that was your sister! How old are you?”

“Uh… Actually, I’m not sure anymore.”

“Weirdo. You look great for your age, you know.” She teased with a shrug.

“Thanks?” Subaru looked at the sky and knew it’d be dark soon. He didn’t know where he was going, but he also didn’t know how to face the others yet. He remembered kissing Ram as well as the faces of each of those other women and felt a migraine coming on. Maybe he could find a cheap inn or something, if Reinhard didn’t find him first. Honestly, he was surprised he hadn’t already. “Look, thanks again, but I need to get going.”

Lesath nodded, but stopped and stared at his face. “Your bleeding, you know.”

Startled, he reached up and felt something warm running down his lip. His hand came away red. My nose is bleeding, he thought worriedly. The last time this happened…

He had to leave. Now.

Subaru tried to push past Lesath, but the demi-human grabbed his arm.

“What are you-“ He began, but was silenced when she placed a hand on his forehead and it began to glow. The pain went away, and the bleeding stopped. Instant relief washed over Subaru’s head as he stood transfixed before Lesath’s gentle touch. Hell, even his congestion and fatigue lessened. It was comforting, and for the first time since this madness began, he felt at peace.

Then she pulled her hand away and the stress returned, but not the pain. Lesath smiled down knowingly at him since she was a few inches taller than him. Subaru realized he probably had a weird look on his face, so he quickly looked away.

“Any other concerns?” She asked.

“Uh, n-no, I’m okay now… Thank you.” He dumbly replied. “Do you want some money for that or…?”

Her eyes crinkled in amusement. “You know, you never gave me your name. Consider that the first installment, valued new patient.”

“Oh!” Subaru exclaimed. “I’m so sorry! My name is Subaru Natsuki, it’s nice to meet you.”

Lesath once again smirked mischievously. “The pleasure is all mine, you know.”

Why do I feel like I’m in danger? Subaru felt warmth coming from the demi-human girl, like he did from Carina and the others at the manor, but this was different. It felt intense and exciting, yet so distant. Unsure of how to take that, he said, “I should really get going. Um, do you know of any cheap places to stay?”

“I thought you were staying at the famous Astrea Manor with your daughter.” She said, mildly perplexed.

“I-I was, but something happened and I…” He couldn’t finish. It was too embarrassing to tell this woman how much of a coward he was. Reinhard must have told her where they were staying, but still. The idea of going back right now made his stomach knot up. “Never mind, forget I said anything.”

“You know, why don’t you just stay with me for the night?” Lesath asked with a friendly smile.

Subaru couldn’t help blushing at the idea, but his guilt gnawed too much for his mind to go into the gutter. “I’d really hate to impose; it’s not your problem to deal with.”

The demi-human giggled. “Look, you’re my patient and if you’re dead set on not going home yet then just hang out with me tonight as payment for services rendered. You can sleep in the spare bedroom and I’ll walk you back to the Manor in the morning. Deal?”

Subaru thought about it. He didn’t have much money, and he wasn’t ready to face the girls. The idea of taking a night to himself without the specter of the old Subaru hanging over his head was very, very tempting. Besides, it’s not like Lesath wanted to harm him, she wouldn’t have healed him twice now if so. If the inner warmth he could sense was an indication of anything, then surely, he could trust her…

His contemplation was interrupted by his own perfectly timed growling stomach, like some writing cliché. Lesath laughed at his expense and put her hands in her jacket pockets. She fished out a few coins, inspected them, and pointed over her shoulder with her thumb.

“C’mon, we can get food from a vendor on the way, you know. I keep forgetting to grocery shop so I’m not even sure what I have back home.”

“How about I buy us food?” Subaru suggested sheepishly. “I mean, it’s the least I could do after all you’ve done for me.”

“Oh, if you insist. You’re so sweet, Su~su!” She chirped as they began walking together down the still populated streets.

He made a face. "Su~su?"

“Sorry, I like getting familiar with people. Makes my job easier.”

He nodded but wondered if maybe Lesath got a little too familiar sometimes. “You’re a healer, right? Is that what you do as a job?”

“Yeah, part time. My main job is taking care of my family. I’m living with my grandparents until I can afford a place of my own.”

“Oh, I see… Wait,” he furrowed his brow. “Are they going to be okay with me staying?”

She smirked and put a shushing finger to her lips. “They left the city to visit my aunt for a week, so no, it’s just me house sitting for a few more days.”

“That’s awfully convenient…” Subaru muttered suspiciously.

“Count your lucky stars, Su~su. If they hadn’t been gone, I wouldn’t have been out the day that knight found you.” Lesath grinned and nudged his arm with her elbow.

Subaru could only smile half-heartedly.

Maybe you should have taken a different route.

When Felt’s carriage pulled up to the Manor, a rather grim Reinhard was waiting for them. He hung his head in defeat and irritation, two negative emotions he tried to never show on his face. In his arms he held a little blonde girl with tear-streaked cherub cheeks and puffy red eyes closed as she quietly cried into his shoulder. He had kept her from running off on her own to find her father, since Reinhard had been forced to deal with the chaos that ensued from the oni maid’s public brawl. The gawking pedestrians had scattered and screamed the moment Rem attacked, further obscuring any trace Subaru may have left behind while he swiftly dealt with them.

When Rem attacked, Ram fired a blast of wind magic to defend herself and push everyone away, which included sending a defenseless Carina and those nearest to her down the sidewalk. Reinhard had enough of their nonsense and in a fit of righteous anger, he caught Morningstar with a single hand and pulled its chain to bring Rem towards him. One chop and he knocked her unconscious before turning to Ram and doing the same to her. With both maids incapacitated, he quickly checked on Carina and everyone who had been caught in the middle of the fight. Thankfully, people were more outraged than hurt and some even blamed him for not acting sooner. Why hadn’t he acted sooner?

Truth is, he hadn’t wanted to go that far. He wanted to believe that these two sisters were levelheaded enough that they’d listen to reason eventually. That was his mistake, and it had not only embarrassed them and Lady Felt, but had resulted in a mild abrasion on Carina’s forehead. Even hurt, she had tried to find her Papa, but he made sure that she stayed with him and promised that once they got Rem and Ram home, he would personally scour the city until he brought Subaru back.

He didn’t understand what the hell happened between the maids and him, but whatever it was, he had a few words to say to each of them after he made sure Subaru was safe.

  Garfiel had been running alongside the carriage and tried to make a beeline past the red-haired knight to get inside, but the Sword Saint appeared in front of him and caught him with a single hand.

“Gettouta tha way! I wanna see tha Cap’n!” Garfiel growled, then blinked when he noticed the little blondie held in Reinhard’s other arm. “Whoa, yer awake!”

Carina stared at the tiger boy from the crook of Reinhard’s neck, but said nothing.

The door to the carriage was kicked open unceremoniously. Normally, Reinhard would have chastised the Royal Candidate on her manners, but there was something more pressing to deal with. She jumped out of the carriage, ignoring the butler that stood by to help her down, and held her long dress up as she ran up the front steps to Reinhard.

Behind her, Otto sheepishly hurried out of the carriage as all staff member’s eyes turned to him for a moment.

“Stupid, friggin dress!” Felt shouted as she finally reached Reinhard. “Where is he? How is he?”

Reinhard lowered his gaze. “That’s…”

“Wait, is this the girl that was with Subaru?” Otto asked as he huffed from the exertion of catching up to the more athletic duo of their group. He tried his best to smile to put her at ease. “Hello there, my name’s Otto Suwen. What’s your name?”

All three of the new arrivals waited for Carina to respond. She looked up at Reinhard, who smiled sadly and nodded to her. The usually brash and feisty little girl was quiet and subdued without her Papa, Reinhard noticed sadly. It was understandable that the presence of her parents would give her confidence.

“My name’s Carina Natsuki.”

“Da fuck you say?!” Garfiel shouted in utter shock, drowning out the surprised responses of the other two present.

“That was in my ear, damn you!” Felt said as she punched Garfiel’s arm, then winced when she realized it was like punching a brick wall. “Ow!”

“Sorry bout that,” Garfiel muttered, a little embarrassed.

“M-M-Miss C-Carina, surely there’s a mistake…” Otto started, but went quiet when Carina’s fierceness returned with a rage fueled glare at the green-clad man.

“My Papa is Subaru Natsuki! My Papa, mine!” Carina cried as Reinhard patted her back and cooed softly to calm her down. “I want my Papa… Reinie, you promised!”

Logging away the Sword Saint’s new nickname away for later, Felt got in his face and demanded, “What the hell is going on?”

Reinhard’s expression darkened again as the anger he felt returned, but he managed to keep it out of his voice as she answered Felt’s question.

“Subaru is awake, but something happened… He’s lost in the city.”

“I’ll getem!” Garfiel said and turned to sprint towards the city until he was once again grabbed by Reinhard. “What now?!”

“How did this happen?” Felt yelled, frustrated that the strongest knight in the world had somehow managed to lose a comatose young man recovering from a stomach wound.

“I shall explain later, but right now he could be in danger. Should we notify the guards and the other camps?” Reinhard asked.

“Why would I trust the Crusch or Hoshin camps with Big Bro’s safety?” Felt snapped. “Half the reason we never told anyone he was here was to keep them away from him!”

He nodded. It was something they had all discussed when he was unconscious and decided to separate for the time being.

“Does… Does he hate us…?” Otto asked quietly, as if scared to know the answer.

Felt and Garfiel hesitated as well. Neither had thought about Subaru’s feelings on the matter after hearing he’d awakened. Did he even want to be found again?

“Everyone, listen to me.” Reinhard said. “Subaru has lost most of his memories. He doesn’t remember hardly anyone.”

The Royal Candidate and her two party members shared devastated looks.

“Tha’s not funny, Reinhard!” Garfiel snapped. “Tis not tha time fer bullshit!”

Felt and Otto were quiet. As much as they hated to hear it, Reinhard would know the truth through his Divine Protections. Coming from him, they had to accept that what he was saying was the truth.

Subaru didn’t remember them.

“Either way!” Felt said, the pin pricks of tears in the corners of her eyes. “We gotta help Big Bro, no matter what! He would have done the same for us!”

“That’s right!” Otto said a bit nervously, but not because she was wrong. He looked to the knight and asked, “Where do we start?”

Carina watched each of them discuss how they would find her Papa and clenched her jaw. There was a hurricane of emotions raging inside of her, namely frustration and uncertainty. She could have healed herself and torn half of the city apart by now if she didn’t have to stay under Reinie’s perceptions. As much as she chaffed, she had to listen to Papa’s orders to not reveal herself or her sisters under any circumstances. If Papa could remember anything, she’d love to give him a piece of her mind before she cuddled him into oblivion.

For now, though, she was stuck as a defenseless little girl.

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she rested her face in the crook of Reinhard’s neck again. Stupid Papa, stupid Aunties, stupid, stupid, stupid!

Her only hope was that either Reinie and his friends found Papa, or Maia will lead him back to them. She didn’t want to think about what would happen if anyone else found him first.

Maia was stumbling around like a drunkard. Somewhere down the street to the West was the candy store, which meant her safehouse was in the opposite direction. Funny enough, it was the same direction that the other woman had went. Taking a wobbly right, Maia shuffled onward and tried not to lose her lunch. Thankfully most of the foot traffic had moved towards the candy store and never meandered back this way so it was relatively quiet.

She came to an intersection and waited in a crowd for a dragon carriage to ride through. Pushing past the meatbags just standing there stupidly, she stepped into the street with an aggravated growl.

A hand grabbed the back of her cloak and yanked her back on to the sidewalk just as another dragon carriage zoomed past after the first one.

The sudden jarring motion upset her already screwed up senses and now Maia’s stomach was going barrel rolls. Normally, no one would have been able to touch her like that and keep their fingers, but she was struggling not to puke every color of the rainbow on her shoes. She felt the hand let her go and smooth out her cloak, but the waves of touch only made her feel like she was at sea. Maia could barely make out the sound of light clapping from the pedestrians around her, congratulating her rescuer.

“I’m reeeeally sorry for touching you!” An all too familiar voice warbled in Maia’s ear.

The swordswoman’s heart clenched at the sound. Why did it have to be her?

A silver-haired maid wearing a porcelain mask and a white cloak around her shoulders circled around to stand in front of her with a basket of several tea tins under one arm. Maia lowered her head to avoid looking into Auntie Emilia’s eyes. It was too painful now, no matter how much she wanted it to be otherwise.

It wasn’t the same as with Papa. There was a chance he’d remember, eventually. But like in Carina’s case, Emilia’s memories were gone. She would never remember her or their time together after what Carina did to their Mamas…

Maybe the poison was making her hallucinate, because it looked like Carina was with her Auntie.

“Are you alright, I wonder?” The little blonde girl by Emilia’s side asked. Her pupils were strange, inhuman, and they bore into Maia with suspicion. When their eyes met, however, they shifted into something akin to guilt or heartbreak.

This wasn’t Carina, Maia realized. She was too tall and had hair in the shape of drills. Whoever she was, she was adorable. Wait…

That must be Beatrice, Maia realized as her anger grew. She betrayed my Papa…

“Get out of my way!” Maia snapped at the two women, startling them and those at the intersection around them.

The look of rejection in Emilia’s eyes stabbed Maia through the heart. She didn’t want to hurt her like that, but she didn’t have a choice. Emilia wasn’t her Auntie or best friend anymore. Especially not since she was with that damn loli!

Maia tried to walk away when the maid called after the shorter cloaked teen.

“Why… Why are you so angry?” She asked, her voice unsteady. “D-Did I do something wrong?”

The teen warrior didn’t turn. She couldn’t. If she did, she was afraid they’d figure it out.

“Thanks for saving me, but I have to go.” Maia responded since she was unsure if Beatrice would detect lies like Emilia’s pet rad had been able to.

But the child spirit wasn’t done with her.

“P-Please wait one moment, I suppose!” The little blonde Spirit pleaded. “Who are you?”

“Leave me alone!” Maia shouted, picking up the pace as much as she could without losing her balance.

“Do you know Subaru?” Beatrice cried as she ran ahead and cut the fleeing teen off, her eyes tearing up.

“Beako!” Emilia exclaimed behind them.

“Do you know Subaru?” Betty asked again, her arms extended outwards to block Maia.

“What makes you think I know anything about anyone named ‘Subaru’?” Maia snapped. She could feel herself starting to sweat but tried to hide her unease as best she could. If they discovered her, it wouldn’t end well.

“It’s your eyes, I suppose!”

Of course it was her eyes. Minus the color, they looked just like Papa’s. She should have worn a mask-

“They’re haunted, just like his were! You’re in pain, in fact!” Beatrice continued.

Maia stopped in her tracks, nearly overcome with emotion and vertigo. How the hell does she know that?

“Beako, what are you saying?” Emilia asked as she walked up to her contracted Spirit. “She said she doesn’t know him; we should leave her be!”

“Don’t you see it?” Beatrice asked in frustration as she pointed to the stunned Maia. “Look at her, I suppose!”

This time Emilia did look. She scanned Maia’s features as if searching for answers. Disassociating, Maia tried to turn away, but was stopped by a tender hand. As much as she hated to admit it, Maia had missed that hand playing with her hair at night when Auntie Emilia would tell her stories about her real Mama. Her heart ached knowing what was to come. Those memories were just as painful as they were comforting.

This is why I didn’t want to see her again.

Maia couldn’t stand the pain and devastation on Emilia’s face. The half-elf’s wide, disbelieving eyes focused on her and only her.

“You look just like him…” Emilia said as tears formed in her eyes.

Maia clenched her fists as she seethed.

“Please… A-Are you related to Subaru?” Emilia asked and clutched Maia’s cloak.

“You need to let me go…” Maia muttered, lowering her head.

“I… We miss him…” Emilia’s lips trembled, and she struggled to speak past a lump forming in her throat. Her tears fell and darkened the sidewalk below her. “Even… Even if he doesn’t… We just want to know he’s okay.”

What does she say to that? As if she wasn’t disoriented and nauseous enough, here is her former Auntie crying over her Papa with no memory of their history. This was too much for her. Maia had to leave before she said something she’d regret.

Why does it have to be this way, Papa? Why can’t we just be happy again?

Maia pulled away from Emilia’s grip and stumbled past them to round the corner to head North instead of her original Eastbound path.

Something with the force of a collapsing building collided with Maia’s chest and body checked her straight into the pavement.

She heard shouting, namely from Emilia and Beatrice. After her head bounced like a child’s plaything and made the sound of a ripe melon, Maia was fading in and out of consciousness. Suddenly there was more garbled shouting as she was lifted by her shoulders to come face to face with her assailant, a sharp toothed blonde boy with an X shaped scar on his face.

Her dull, unfocused eyes dropped down to his exposed muscular chest and abdominals.

Oh no, he’s hot!

Before another thought could cross her mind, she puked all over that handsome blonde and passed out.

"Garfiel! Look what you've done!" Emilia shouted, an angry blush across her tear-streaked cheeks.

"Gah, gross!" The boy in question dropped the unconscious girl like a sack of tatoes and ignored the two women having a meltdown. He tried not to dry heave as he tore off his vest and tried to wipe the girl's sick off his body.

He took in the sight of Beatrice and who he assumed to be Emilia wearing a mask. If he were honest, they were probably the last people next to Roswaal that he'd want to run into right now. At this point, he'd take a Witch Cultist. At least then he could punch the hell out of them. He crouches and awkwardly stares down at the cute girl with a sword strapped to her back, blushing with embarrassment at knocking her out.

Emilia and Beatrice rush to the girl's aid and crouch down beside her.

"You really must be careful, in fact." Beatrice chided as she gets on her knees. The Great Spirit holds her hands over the teen girl's torso as magic glows from her fingers and palms. Even though Beatrice did this to check her health, it also had a secondary purpose...

One that bore fruit.

"Like I needa'ear bout bein careful from you!" Garfiel snapped, leveling an accusatory finger at Beatrice.

Beatrice winced at the harshness of his words, but she really couldn't argue with them. She really was the last person to lecture Garfiel on anything of the sort.

"Will she recover, Beako?" Emilia asked the Spirit, using Subaru's affectionate nickname for her.

"She will, I suppose. We should take her back to Lady Crusch, just to be sure." Beatrice replied, giving Emilia a look that pleaded she go along with her plan. If this girl had any connection to Subaru, even minutely, they had to find out.

Emilia understood Beatrice's look and nodded in agreement.

"Just who the heck is she?" Garfiel asked, examining the teen curiously.

Emilia and Beatrice tensed up. Neither of them were particularly good liars, but surely they could fool Garfiel. Just as they were about to panic, someone came to their rescue.

"Garf, you better apologize to these three right now!"

The tiger boy tensed up and he spun on around to see Frederica, his older sister, standing behind him. She was in her typical maid attire, thick blonde hair down her back, but her once happy eyes had dark rings under them. It was obvious to everyone she was cross.

"Frederica! I thought you were still with Lady Crusch!" Emilia said as she quickly stood up to address the maid.

Garfiel felt cornered. He scoffed and gave his sister a dirty stare back. "Heya, sis. Still with the clown, eh?"

"I swore to serve Lord Roswaal, Garf. That hasn't changed." Frederica said, her voice and face uncharacteristically cold towards her little brother. "Now, apologize and be on your way. We're expected to be back before nightfall."

"Whatever," Garfiel muttered and looked down at the girl again. He sighed and said, "M'sorry bout this, but I gotta go. Ledder know when she gets up."

Before any of the girls could respond, Garfiel was off and running again. Honestly, as rude as it was, Betty and Emilia were just glad he was gone. Now there was only Frederica to deal with.

"T-Thank you, Frederica." Emilia said. "What are you doing out here?"

Frederica smiled her big toothy smile at the half-elf and Great Spirit. "I don't have many opportunities to visit the city as of late, so I felt the need to explore a little. I'm glad I did, but I'm sorry about your friend there."

"Y-Yeah, she wasn't feeling well, and I guess Garfiel was enough to knock her unconscious... Heh, heh..." Emilia chuckled nervously, unsure of how to explain anything more to the blonde maid. Neither her or Beatrice were keen to share any of their suspicions just yet.

"Would you mind if I accompany you back to Lady Crusch's mansion? I would enjoy the company, and I can help you carry your friend." Frederica asked, her smile slipping just a little when she glanced down at the teenager. It seemed she was concerned for the girl's health, as well.

With Frederica's help, they were able to get the girl on Emilia's back while Beatrice carried the tins of tea. Together, all three of them made their way back to the manor, with Frederica following closely behind.

Neither Spirit nor silver maid noticed a bead of sweat roll down Frederica's face as she stared at the teenager's back. She bit her lip, but said nothing to either of them about the dangers they unknowingly placed themselves in. It pained her to know she couldn't stop it now.

A small smile tweaked the corner of her mouth.

At the very least, it meant she'd get to see her Master again.

Nana moved as quickly as she could through the streets, but she didn’t want to draw attention to herself. When she passed by earlier, the street near the candy store was still crowded from the pedestrians being questioned by the knights and gossiping about the spectacle so no one gave her much thought. To them, she was just a young woman trying to hurry home before dark. Since then, security around the city has seemed relatively lax. Maybe because they thought that being in the Capital, they were immune to the terrible things happening outside the walls.

If only that were the case.

It had been a while since she’d left Maia’s location, the sun was completely below the horizon and still no sign of Big Brother. Now that Lesath went rogue, they had to hurry. Papa knew she would do something to this effect and so made sure to implement this eventual hiccup into the plan. Whatever that mutt was doing, she hoped Lesath thought it’d be worth it by the time Capella- er, Mama got her hands on her.

Somehow, though, she doubted anything Lesath planned was worth it. It tended to be half-baked every time.

Nana worried about her niece, but not in a traditional sense. They weren’t close, but Maia was special to her Big Brother. It wasn’t a stretch to say that if Lesath had permanently hurt Maia… Nana shuddered to imagine what he’d do after he woke up. Its why Nana has looked out for the moody teen since they all arrived in Lugunica, even if the girl was difficult to work with. Big Brother just meant that much to her.

Even after almost two years of trying to coexist with the girl, Nana knew she wasn’t a replacement for her real Mama. From Kararagi, to Vollachia, to Gusteko and back again, nothing brought them closer together. Unlike Carina who could accept love from many people if she had Papa, Maia was closed off to everyone but her Papa. Only Carina had managed to get Maia to open up, but it had taken a lot of encouragement from Papa.

It was disappointing, but in the end it didn’t matter.

Nana was so lost in her thoughts that she failed to notice someone land in the street behind her. She froze up. This is the worst possible thing that could have happened.

She turned around, mentally preparing for a fight, when something caught her attention. Meili’s plushie really did look like Reinhard van Astrea. Though, the real thing was defiantly better looking.

No, down girl!

“Excuse me, miss, but who are you?”

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Nana answered sarcastically.

Reinhard's eyes narrowed. The Sword Saint raised his voice and faced down the suspicious woman.

"Yes, I would!"

Silence.

Nana blinked, then deadpanned, "Are you serious right now?"

"Very! I think you know where my friend is, so please tell me immediately and I'll not have to resort to force!" Reinhard said, his eyes never leaving Nana's face.

"Yeeeeeah, can't help you there. Sorry about that." Nana said as she spun on her heel and-

Came face to face with that handsome red head sporting a glare. Nana gasped and took a tentative step back as he took a step forward.

"You know where Subaru is, don't you?" Reinhard asked a little aggressively. "Don't lie to me, I can smell the miasma on you."

"Please let me pass." Nana said serenely.

"Answer my question and I'll think about it."

"Fine, I'll tell you what I know if you kiss me."

Reinhard sputtered, caught completely off guard. "W-What? That's highly improper!"

"Girls have needs, too." Nana shrugged nonchalantly.

Cheeks aflame, Reinhard groaned. "I don't have time for this nonsense!"

"Then I'm not- MMH!"

The last thing Nana expected was for Reinhard to press his lips against her's. The second to last thing was for the innocent, proper young van Astrea to be a good kisser. His lips were soft, and the kiss was somehow gentle and full of enough tenderness to remind Nana of being a teenage girl with a crush again. When they parted, she whimpered.

Reinhard's face was as red as his hair. "Please excuse me, but time is off the essence!"

"I'd say," Nana muttered in a daze.

"W-Where is Subaru?" Reinhard asked, his words a bit strangled.

"What makes you think I know?"

Reinhard paused, but decided to be honest. He never wanted to falsely accuse anyone, after what happened to his friend.

"When I you answered that you couldn't help me, the winds told me that was a lie." Reinhard answered.

Ugh, fucking Divine Protections!

"Fine. But should I help you before or after?"

"W-What do you mean?" Reinhard asked, feeling strange.

"Before or after I-"

Four Unseen Hands burst from Nana's lower back and raced to collide with four separate targets on the street: two families, one child, a small group of street performers. None were the wiser to the imminent danger, except for Reinhard who sensed the violent intent and immediately intercepted each of the Hands thanks to his Divine Protection of Wind Indication. As he blocked each Hand, Nana then had them grip the ground.

Immediately, Nana used that leverage to catapult herself into the sky over the rooftops. The Hands reeled back to her body in time to brace against the building she landed on. Like a four limbed spider, Nana used the Hands to race as fast as she could from the Sword Saint. A feral grin spread across her features and the wind whipped her long hair around wildly.

If he wanted her, he was going to make him work for it!

The Unseen Hands pushed off the rooftop just as Reinhard appeared and tried to grab her from behind. Up in the air, Nana was met by a flash of red and white rising up to meet her midair and deliver a swift kick to her face.

At least, it would have hit her face if Nana hadn't formed her Hands around her body and face like armor prior to Reinhard's attack. Her momentum temporarily suspended; Nana threw her four Hands out towards the Sword Saint. He was unable to completely to the invisible attack and so an Unseen Hand was able to grab his leg and throw him several streets away.

The knight easily caught his charge, but at the expense of letting Nana have an opening. Using the Unseen Hands to pull her faster along gravity’s desired path, Nana managed to grab on to the keystone of a stone archway that stretched across the city street with another Hand and used the invisible force as a rose swing to launch herself down the street at breakneck speeds. Nana was cackling with manic glee as her Unseen Hands spread out two at a time in front of her to grab the ledges of opposite rooftops to keep swinging like a trapeze artist down the street and away from her pursuer.

She had to lose him before someone found Big Brother.

Thanks to his Divine Protections, it didn't take long to catch up to the Cultist. She saw him gaining on her and pirouetted midair. As her body twisted, two heavy stone shingles were ripped from separate rooftops. The stones circled her body once before being thrown like shuriken at the two pursuers. Reinhard intercepted his and pushed them safely into the roof to his right to avoid them hurting anyone during the chase.

All the while, the Cultist was cackling.

"You won't get away!" Reinhard shouted as he ran alongside the flying woman.

"Betcha I will, gorgeous!" She said as she swung lower than before.

Suddenly, two people, a man and a woman, were launched into the sky by what must be the woman's Authority as she passed over their heads.

Reinhard gasped and took off to catch the man midair. As he ran, he noticed a number of figures swarming towards him from the sky, winged creatures with horns that he couldn't understand how they were here and now.

Mabeasts.

Below, the Cultist used an Unseen Hand to catch a streetlamp, effectively halting her forward momentum and taking the lamp down with her on to the busy street.

A petite yellow flash came from a nearby alleyway.

She had been running across the rooftops when she spied Reinhard chasing someone, and for another person to be flung into the sky like a damn ragdoll. She hurried over to the street to see if she could help, when the Cultist took out the streetlamp. Felt saw what was going to happen and managed to get to the street and tackled two women out of the way of the falling lamp, at the cost of a rough landing. With an arm around each waist, the sudden resistance caused a pop in her shoulder. Her body rolled several feet away as shattered glass followed her across the ground.

She cried out in pain when she tried to push herself up. It felt like her shoulder was out of socket.

Grimacing, Felt lifted her head to see the woman crouching in front of her with a predatory smile.

"Hold it right there!" A man shouted.

Four knights rushed to surround the raven-haired woman with their weapons drawn. A fifth knight stood farther back than his compatriots, worry and fear etched across his youthful features as he shouted for civilians to flee the area. Felt watched the Cultist's eyes flash. She tried to warn them, but it was already too late.

Three knights had their necks snapped at impossible angles instantly. Their weapons clattered to the ground as their limp bodies were lifted into the air by the invisible force and then used as meaty clubs to bludgeon the screaming fourth knight to death.

Felt could only watch in silent horror as their blood sprayed in every direction, some even reached her face. It had taken the time for them to finish their sentence before they were dead.

"Good job, kid." The Cultist grinned madly as she patted Felt's bloodstained hair. She never once took her eyes off Felt as she cocked a thumb to the candy store to her right. "You earned yourself a piece of candy!"

Something grabbed Felt's injured arm. She shrieked in pain just as it smashed her through the storefront's display window.

At the last second, Reinhard appeared from above and caught Felt. The force of the attack sent them both through the glass and into the sweetened debris. Customers inside screamed and tried to protect their faces and loved ones from the glass and shrapnel.

The Unseen Hand retracted, carrying a large swirly lollipop back to the Cultist who caught it between her teeth. Hanging upside down and suspended was the fifth knight, kicking his legs in the air and crying out as if his ribs were being crushed. The insane Cultist was staring at Felt and gave her a knowing smirk as she reached up to take hold of her lollipop.

"Later, Little Sis!" She gave the duo a peace sign with her free hand before using her Unseen Hands to fling the knight against the storefront before resuming her flight by pushing herself back on to the rooftops.

Setting Felt down, Reinhard was able to intercept the knight and catch him before impact.

"Are you alright?" He asked, still in shock at the Cultist's brutality.

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine!" The knight coughed as his face filled with shame at failing in his duty.

Looking back into the store, Reinhard could see Felt seemed to have gotten away with minor cuts and bruises, minus her shoulder. It seemed everyone was okay, physically.

Felt snarled and looked up at her knight with a pained expression.

"Stop that crazy bitch and find Big Bro!"

Reinhard's eyes hardened with determination and frustration. He nodded, took a sword from one of the fallen knights, and launched himself on to the rooftops.

When he landed, he was shocked to see the sky was filled with winged mabeasts like the ones that had fought him before. They were converging on him, but he didn't have time to waste. He scanned around his position and couldn't see the Cultist anywhere.

However, off in the distance there was a secondary swarm of creatures that didn't seem interested in coming for him.

His face and upper body cast in the orange glow from the street, Reinhard set his jaw and vowed to finish this quickly then find that woman. He wouldn’t let her get away because he made up his mind that he’d never fail his friends ever again.

“Just hang on, Subaru. I’m coming.” Reinhard said as he raised his weapon, the blade reflecting the warm lamplight below.

Chapter Text

They walked for a while as the sun dipped just a little lower atop the rooftops. The streetlamps were already lit in the business district, as if not to risk the flow of commerce and people for even a moment in the dark. Their warm orange light dispersed the shadows created by the falling sun, creating a sense of peace for the troubled Subaru. It didn’t take them long to find a food vender selling roasted meat and vegetable skewers. He purchased three of them.

As they ate and walked back to Lesath’s house, the demi-human enjoyed talking and pointing out a couple of landmarks with Subaru in tow. He couldn’t help but notice that her black wolf tail, mostly hidden under her jacket, would wag when she was excited about something around him. It was pretty adorable, he had to internally admit. At one point, he noticed that she was shivering from the nightly temperature drop. Lesath was admiring the lamp lights reflecting off the water in the canal they were crossing when Subaru held the remaining half of the third skewer with his teeth as he shed his fur lined black coat and put it around Lesath’s shoulders.

Lesath practically jumped out of her skin at the contact. Her face burned brightly as she stared at him with a myriad of emotions before finally settling on an embarrassed smile and nervous giggling. It was Subaru’s turn to laugh at her expense, which earned him a bashful roll of her eyes as she nuzzled the fur collar of his coat.

She noticed something on him while her face was buried in his scent. Lesath grabbed his arm and asked in a worried tone, “What happened here?”

Subaru just noticed the damage done to his shoulder for the first time. His shirt had absorbed the blood, but it was still torn from his fingernails. It was odd, but he hadn’t felt the pain after he had done it to himself. Lesath’s hand glowed once again and the wound closed completely as Subaru’s body flooded with that pleasant, almost euphoric feeling again. He felt a little empty when it left him as she pulled her hand away. He couldn’t help but miss it.

“Did something happen to you?” She asked again.

“I, uh… I don’t want to talk about it, if that’s okay?” He replied, the guilt returning and making him nauseous.

“No problem, Su~su.” Lesath said with open concern and understanding. She grabbed his hand and held it as they continued to walk. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, you know. I’ll listen, though, if you change your mind, but I won’t force or judge you, okay?”

He nodded silently. It was kind of nice being with a stranger who didn’t have some past with him, he didn’t want to ruin it by trauma dumping. For now, he was just a guy, and she was just a girl with nothing going on.

They continued their walk towards her home in a slightly awkward silence for a minute until Subaru asked, “Hey, uh, do you want the rest of this skewer?” Embarrassed, he quickly added with a lie, “I-I guess my eyes are bigger than my stomach.”

“Sure,” Lesath answered and took the offered stick.

She held the skewer to her mouth. He watched her tongue emerge and coax a mushroom along the stick until it reached the top. Once there, she pressed her lips to the mushroom cap before taking the entire thing into her mouth and lowering the skewer. Subaru was so transfixed by the seductive performance and the two vertically aligned tongue piercings he only just realized she had that he didn’t notice the intense eye contact Lesath was maintaining with him until she closed her lips and chewed.

Oh, fuck me, he mentally cursed as his entire face flushed. It was difficult to make eye contact with her after that, but thankfully they didn’t have much farther to go.

It felt strange to think about. He’d only met this woman an hour ago and now he was going to her home.

Somewhere in the more upper middle class residential portion of the city, Lesath stopped him and motioned to a townhouse that hardly stood out from the others on the street. It was a two-story brick home with a black iron gate connected to the adjacent home on the right side which led to the small backyard. The front door was on the left side of the front, leaving a large window to take up the right. An exterior flower box was hung from the windowsill, where vining purple and pink flowers cascaded down to the pavement outside.

All in all, a quaint place, he thought.

“We’ll need to go in through the back, I kept the front door locked.” Lesath said as she hurriedly pulled him towards the iron gate.

The sudden urgency was curious, but he assumed it was because of the chilly night air. The sun had just finally vanished from sight and the last rays of sunlight were cast across the darkening sky. He didn’t have a coat anymore, so maybe she noticed he had started to shiver. Regardless, the wolf-girl tugged on his hand as they hurried through the gate.

The backyard was small and fenced in with scalloped brick walls that blocked any pedestrians on the street from seeing what they were doing. Only a nosey neighbor on the second floor of the homes across the streets could see them. Subaru noticed that there was a small herb garden in pots along the back of the house and flower bushes painted along the fenced in perimeter. It really was a beautiful home; he observed as Lesath moved a pot of something to the get a key from underneath it.

 She unlocked the door and spread her arms out wide with a big smile. “Welcome to my humble home!”

Once they were inside, Lesath lit some candles and gave him a tour of the house. It was a three-bedroom, one bathroom home with the kitchen, bathroom, and family room downstairs while the upstairs were the bedrooms. It wasn’t the biggest home, but it was taken care of and well-loved. Upstairs, each room had a single door that opened to a shared hallway. The first door they passed was the only one closed, to which Lesath explained that was her grandparents’ room.

“Out of respect, I don’t go in there unless I have to, you know.” She explained.

He nodded in understanding; it’s not like he had any right to snoop in a stranger’s home.

She showed him the white walled bedroom he’d be staying in, which had a twin bed with a cozy looking quilt, a writing desk, a short dresser, and a single chair.

“Sorry I didn’t dust or anything, I wasn’t expecting company, you know.” She apologized as she noticed the minute amount of dust on the dresser after running a slender finger across the surface. There was barely anything there.

“Oh, no, please don’t apologize!” Subaru said, feeling guilty. “The room is perfect, I’m the one who should be sorry for imposing!”

“It’s no problem, Su~su,” Lesath said with genuine happiness. She turned her back to him and clasped her hands behind her as she asked, “Uh, not to be weird, but do you want to stay up and talk a bit? It’s been fun hanging out, so…”

Was she being bashful? Subaru chuckled a little and grinned. “Yeah, I’d love to talk some more.”

Lesath faced him again with a wide grin of her own under blushing cheeks. “R-Real- um,” she tempered her enthusiasm with an awkward cough. “Heh, great, thanks a lot, Su~Su!”

Her excitement made his own face heat up. With her this close, he could feel her inner fire grow just a little stronger. It drew him in and excited him, but he still didn’t understand why. The only thing he did note was that whoever he felt it from was always someone he met prior and who had a positive view of him. If he didn’t know any better, he would have figured Lesath was as close to him as Rem. Did the person’s emotional tendencies affect how it felt to him? It’d make sense, considering how different each fire felt to him and how sharply Lesath’s changed with just a few words.

Speaking of Lesath’s fire, it spiked in intensity when she grabbed his hand and pulled him back down to the family room. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, she let go and shed both coats to hang them on a coat rack by the front door. Subaru also took off his sword and placed it against the wall by the rack.

The front door opened directly into the family room, which was painted a warm earthy red. The floors were a rich and dark hardwood. Subaru noticed the furniture, two loveseats in an L shape around a coffee table, looked antique and the upholstery matched the dark red aesthetic with clawfoot legs that somehow also matched the floor. At the far end of the room, across from one loveseat, was a stone fireplace. Tastefully placed rocks surrounded the fireplace and made up the adjacent floor and walls to prevent a house fire.

It felt old fashioned and regal, as if designed by a studious noble of some sort. Even the air, which smelled of freshly cut herbs and spices, gave off a sense of importance.

Who exactly were Lesath’s grandparents?

He watched her curiously when her back was to him. Subaru still didn’t understand why Lesath was wearing that outfit since the temperatures were dropping, but now she was just in the halter top, hot pants, and boots. His eyes drifted to her slim waist and the two shallow dimples at the base of her spine, then quickly looked away in shame.

What the hell is wrong with me?

“Go ahead and sit on the couch while I try to get a fire going,” Lesath suggested as she got on her knees in front of the fireplace.

He did as instructed, but his attention was drawn back to Lesath as she placed logs together with the kindling. She was bent forward at such an angle to give him an eyeful of her shapely ass on full display in her tight black hotpants as her tail lazily swished back and forth. He felt his mouth go dry and his face was on fire now. He already felt like a sleezeball, and getting castrated was beginning to sound better and better. She offered him kindness, and how did he repay her? By being a pervert.

Maybe sleeping here was a bad idea after all.

“You okay, Su~su?” Lesath asked as she placed a hand on his forehead, startling him from his self-loathing. When did she get that close?!

He scooted away from her touch and stammered, “Y-Y-Yeah, I’m goo-great! Heh, heh…”

“O…kay, weirdo.” Lesath said then smiled suggestively. “You sure you don’t need anything~?”

“W-What do you… mean?”

Her lips spread into a shit eating grin. “You know, if you’re thirsty…~”

He began to sweat.

“… I can get you a glass of water.” She finished flatly.

His face must have been priceless because Lesath burst out laughing shortly after. Subaru buried his face in his hands and groaned in frustration. Charity or not, he was sick of this shit.

He stood up and began towards the stairs. “Listen, I’m really tired and-“

“I’m sorry!” Lesath quickly grabbed his hand after she realized her mistake. He was about to yank it away when he saw how panicked and sad her eyes were. “I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable; I’m just used to men making advances and I try to joke around to deal with it! I’m so sorry, please don’t go yet!”

He was taken aback by her brutally honest confession. “I’m sorry, but I have my own problems to deal with and I don’t appreciate-“

“I’ll stop! I’ll stop, just please talk to me?” Lesath hung her head slightly, the telltale shimmering of tears at the corners of her eyes as her voice quaked softly. “I-I don’t have a lot of friends, you know…”

Part of him knew he’d regret this, but he couldn’t help feeling sorry for Lesath. She looked so lonely right now, and her fire reflected that.

Subaru sighed and sat back down.

Lesath’s face immediately lit up and she practically vibrated with excitement as her tail whipped back and forth hard enough to create a gentle breeze. He could tell she wanted to throw herself at him by how her inner fire exploded in his perception. Like with everyone else, it made him want to return her affections, but he refrained by mentally turning away any stray thoughts. It’d only lead to more problems, he knew.

“If I stay, we need some ground rules.” Subaru said, then continued when Lesath nodded vigorously. He held up one finger. “One, try to hold off on the teasing. It’s uncomfortable, and in return I’ll try to be respectful of you.” She nodded a bit awkwardly, and another finger went up. “Two, I need to return first thing in the morning, so I can’t stay up the entire night.” Even visibly disappointed, Lesath still nodded reluctantly. Finger number three. “Finally, you are going to formally meet my friends tomorrow and we’ll officially declare our friendship to everyone. Deal?”

Her ears perked up at that. She grinned and bounced from foot to foot, “Su~su, we have a deal!”

“Alright then,” Subaru said with his best impression of a sagely nod. “You can let go of my hand now.”

The embarrassed wolf-girl immediately dropped his hand and chuckled nervously. She pointed towards the kitchen and said, “Imma get us a couple of drinks. You want anything?”

“I’ll take that water now.”

She giggled. “You got it!”

Lesath quickly disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a tray of items. On it was a bottle of wine, one stemmed glass, a kettle, and a single glass of water. She placed the tray on the coffee table and then handed him the water. As he took his first sip, she put the kettle by the fire then promptly sat down beside him.

“Would you like a glass of wine?” She asked as she pulled the already loose cork out with an audible pop.

“Uh…” Did he like alcohol? Was he even old enough to drink? He didn’t know the answer to either one of those questions, but he figured he could humor his hostess. “I’ll try a little bit.”

She poured a swallow’s worth into the stemmed glass, swirled it for effect, and then offered it to him. He took the glass by the stem and sniffed the dark, fruity liquid. Subaru could feel Lesath’s eyes on his lips as he drank most of the glass’s contents.

It was fruity and burned going down. After a few coughs, he blushed and put the glass down. Subaru has now discovered he doesn’t like alcohol.

Hearing that, Lesath giggled and asked, “Do you mind if I drink, then?” Subaru shook his head and drank his water as Lesath poured herself some wine into the same stemmed glass, the contents of their drinks mixing. She took a sip and swallowed it with ease, signaling to him Lesath probably enjoyed drinking wine.

Did she have to use the same glass, though?

“So, I have to ask, why all the teasing?” Subaru asked as he relaxed into the couch. “You said you get a lot of attention from men, so why…?”

Lesath’s face fell a bit as her eyes drifted to the cracking logs in the fireplace. She swirled the win in her glass as she silently debated something.

Subaru knew that look. “You don’t have to-“

“I’m adopted, you know.” Lesath stated slowly. “I was raised as a slave, given up by my father. I don’t remember much of him, mostly my master and his clients.”

The horror dawned on him. Oh no… no, don’t tell me-

“They hurt me a lot. I never received real affection, not until after I was free.” Lesath turned her head to investigate his horrified expression with a painful smile. “It’s all I’ve ever known before now, Su~su.”

Subaru felt a lump in his throat as he just took in her face. What kind of monster would put someone through that? He stared at the demi-human girl in a brand-new light, one that was darker than any he had seen. “My God… I’m so sorry…”

“No, I’m sorry, you probably didn’t want to hear that.” Lesath drank more wine and leaned back into the cushions beside him. “So, what’s your story?”

He felt awful to divert attention away from what obviously ate at her, but maybe that’s what she wanted. Only problem was he didn’t know his story. At least, not really. He could retell what was told to him, but it felt like a work of fiction. So, he decided to be honest with her out of respect for her honesty.

“That’s hard to explain. I lost my memories so now I feel like a stranger in my own mind.” Subaru said as he stared at the ceiling tiredly. “My memories begin yesterday, after I woke up.”

"Oh wow," Lesath said as she put a hand to rest on the couch between them. An offer for comfort? "I didn't expect that twist. Can you remember anything at all?"

“How can you just believe that so easily?” He asked, dumbfounded.

Lesath smiled gently. “Sometimes, its better to put your trust in someone than to never trust at all, you know. So, what can you remember?”

He nodded, then thought about the burning village and the dying girl, the swordsman facing the knights, and the torture in the prison cell. Worst of all, he thought of all the faces of women he must have been involved with.

"Nothing that paints a pretty picture," Subaru said sadly. "I met some people who knew me, even one who loved me, but I... I don't know how to deal with that yet."

Lesath pursed her lips and looked away for a moment, her fingers flexing on the couch.

"Stupid me probably messed that up, though."

She turned to look at him again, but this time she seemed upset, or irritated. Had he said something wrong? "How so? If she loves you, then-"

"I kissed her twin sister."

Lesath grimaced and sucked in a breath through her teeth. "Yeah, you fucked up pretty bad."

The bluntness of Lesath's statement had him chuckling humorlessly. At least he wasn't angry like he had been with Ram at her teasing. Now he just felt emotionally drained. "Yep, you can say that again."

"You want me to?"

"No."

They laughed together at their shared pain. It was refreshing, in a way, being able to talk about it with a stranger. He was sure she probably felt the same way, from how relieved she seemed.

Lesath took another drink of her wine, then sat in silence while chewing her lip. Finally, feeling his eyes on her, she gave him a half smile.

"You know, I have holes in my memory, too. I barely remember my parents, other than my father... it wasn't good. Same with my enslavement. It’s funny, I remember so little about my early life that it sometimes feels like two separate lives, you know? Most of my memories are my time with the man who rescued me. He was like a dad I never had, in a way." Lesath said as he took in the haunted, faraway look in her eyes. "He understood me, or at least he always tried to. No one ever did that before, you know. Not even my adoptive sisters and brother really understand me. I miss him so much."

He knew she was there now, reliving it all. Her empty expression was as still as stone as tears welled up and rolled down her cheeks. Subaru was at a loss.

How could he relate to that? Did he have parents who loved him? But then again, did that even matter? He couldn't remember himself, let alone his parents.

Subaru's past was a never-ending nightmare, a fantastic tragedy that no one could understand save for those who lived it. He had to accept that he was alone. Even if the others loved him, the truth was not even his past self could escape the hell inside his head. Rem and Carina made him feel that he could overcome himself, that there was hope for him.

But his mind had betrayed him yet again. Maybe he was meant to never know peace and comfort.

The thought that someone else could feel just as misunderstood tugged at his heart.

He didn't know what to do, so he did the only thing he could. He gently took her hand and called her name.

"Lesath?"

She blinked and returned to reality. Her eyes focused on him and only on him as she continued.

"Sorry, I..." Lesath wiped at her eyes and took a deep breath. "He was the only person to treat me like a person, you know. He held me when I needed him, patted my head when I did something good, and taught me how to defend myself if someone ever came for me. I couldn't ever understand why he would do any of it for me, I wasn't... I never meant anything to anyone. I had no worth, no skills, and nothing to offer that he wanted. Ever since I was five, if someone ever touched my body... it was to hurt me."

Lesath leaned over and rested her head on Subaru's shoulder. "I miss that, you know. I miss someone holding me like I mattered... I miss someone telling me that they were happy I was alive." He could feel her body tremble ever so slightly. "That sounds so fucking pathetic, like something out of a sappy romance novel..."

What the hell do you even say to that?

"He... He sounds like he's a good man. You know, I for one am glad he saved you." Subaru said sincerely. She squeezed his fingers. "I know we just met, but I am glad that you're alive. You saved the life of me and my daughter. If you hadn't been there..." Would he have come back to life, with every terrible memory intact? Who would he be right now? Somehow, he knew it wouldn't be good. In his heart, Subaru knew that if he hadn't lost his memories, he wouldn't just feel like a monster: He would be one. That thought terrified him. "I can't imagine what would have happened to me without you."

Lesath blushed at that but still seemed so forlorn. She nuzzled into his shoulder just a little bit. "Thats how I feel about him. I owed him everything. He had his own demons to conquer, you know. I thought maybe I could save him..."

Subaru watched her smile disappear as despair filled her eyes. "He passed recently. The demons won."

His chest ached painfully at the implications. "W-What about the rest of your family?"

She sighed as she sat up and poured herself another drink. "They don't care for me. To them, I'm a burden, an outsider, and always will be. I've tried to be close with them, but... They don't see me like he did."

Subaru choked down the last of his water. He was trying so hard not to cry in front of the girl he should be comforting. Her words resonated with how he saw himself, versus how everyone else saw him. With a tearful expression, he held his glass up to the bottle still in her hand.

Lesath looked at him in confusion. "I thought you didn't like alcohol."

"I think we both need a drink tonight." He said mirthfully.

She smiled at his attempt at humor. The feeling of her inner fire flickered and shifted. "It's okay, Subaru. You don't have to. I put a kettle on so you could have some tea to help you sleep."

Now it was his turn to be confused, both at the use of his proper name and the implications. "Didn't you want me to stay up with you?"

She nodded morosely with the same sad smile. The way her eyes stared into his with such genuine care made his aching heart flutter.

"Your duty isn't to me; it’s to your friends. I'm sure they'll want you back fully rested."

Even amidst her own storm, she still put him first. She didn't expect anything from him, didn't see him as anyone but himself, and took care of him with nothing to gain. What kind of family didn't care for someone like that? What the hell is wrong with people?

"I don't think I'll sleep much anyway." He said and clinked his glass against the bottle. "Fill 'er up, barkeep!"

Lesath giggled and did as he asked, the maroon liquid sloshing into his glass and catching the light of the crackling fire. He withdrew his hand with a smile. The way her lupine eyes shined in the fire's light as she smiled affectionately at only him made her seem mysterious and alluring. Lesath noticed the way he was looking at her and blushed but didn't look away or stop smiling.

She leaned back into the loveseat beside him and smiled at him with half-lidded eyes. "Can I lay my head on your shoulder again? It felt so nice being close to you."

He was nervous but tried to ignore his anxiety. How could he tell her no after everything they shared tonight? If she really was affection starved, he didn't want to make her feel worse.

"Sure." Subaru said as heat rose up in his cheeks.

Lesath scooted closer and put her head on his shoulder. Her gentle content smile warmed his heart, as did the little thumps of her wagging tail against the seat cushions on her other side. When her hand found his, he let her curl her fingers around his.

It was selfish, he knew, insanely so. But he was... He felt at peace like this. Tonight, they were just two strangers comforting each other. It just felt nice that he could just be away from it all, away from his past. As much as he cared for everyone at the Manor, they all played a part in the pieces of his broken mind. Each of them reflected a piece of his darkness that he just didn't have the strength to face right now.

Why couldn't everything be how it was right here, right now? No sadness, no betrayal, and no pain. Just him, Carina, and R-

No.

Subaru drained the contents of his glass in a bout of self-loathing.

"You okay there?" Lesath asked from her perch.

"Not really. Can I have some more wine?"

"Anything for you, Su~su."

The two of them stayed up for a couple hours drinking and enjoying each other's company. It felt strange to be there, as much as it was liberating. His friends must be worried sick and here he was being a wolf-girl's emotional support idiot.

The only time she left was to get more wine. Subaru drank with her and tried to keep pace, but Lesath was much more experienced. While on their third bottle, Subaru began to slow down. He asked if she could refill him one last time.

Lesath leaned over and poured him another glass. This close, he could smell her hair. It was aromatic, consisting of vanilla and exotic spices. Against his better judgement, or lack thereof, Subaru tried to catch more of her scent.

"Do you like my perfume?"

Oh, kill me now...

"Uh-Uh- Y-yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be weird." He stammered as she straightened up and grinned. Was it suddenly much hotter in here?

"Well, if you don't want it to be weird, then you owe me." Lesath teased.

"W-What do you mean?"

"You owe me for being a creep, Su~su."

He tugged at the collar of his shirt. I've got a bad feeling about this. "What... What do you want?"

Her eyes lowered and her tail was slinking around strangely, not like a canine. She put her wine down.

"I want you to hold me in your lap for one minute."

If Subaru wasn't already sitting down, he would have passed out. There was sweat running down his body and his mouth was going dry. He was starting to feel strange.

What the hell was this?

"I-I said no teasing!" He stuttered nervously while his heart hammered in his chest.

"This isn't teasing, this is getting even." Lesath pressed against his arm, her eyes pleading and yet not full of desire. Her nose was just a couple of inches from his own. No, her desire was there, but she was keeping it at bay. Lesath was afraid of his rejection. "I need this, Su~su. It'll stay between us, okay?"

How did I get myself into this mess?

"I, uh- You-"

Lesath didn't wait for his response. In one swift motion, she threw one slender leg over his lap and promptly took her seat facing him. Subaru squeaked in a very unmanly fashion as Lesath pressed her face into his shoulder with the hole in his shirt and breathed in his scent.

He could tell it excited her.

Pressed into him, Subaru not only felt the forbidden thrill of having a beautiful stranger in his lap, also the chest clenching anxiety of unfortunately enjoying it.

Subaru allowed her to snuggle into him from her new seat, but he was trying not to panic. A sharp pain behind his eye signaled his rising stress levels.

I really am fucked in the head, aren’t I?

"Don't say that, Su~su," Lesath whispered in his ear, startling him. "It's just you and me, remember?"

Had he just said that out loud?!

"Lesath, listen, this isn't-"

"Just shut up for forty-five seconds and hold me, okay?"

I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm going to fucking die when Ram, Rem, and Carina-

"Please hold me, Su~su." Lesath muttered, the trembling sadness in her voice drawing him from his thoughts and putting his focus back on to her.

She was shaking, he realized. Her hands grasped his shoulders as if he were a lifeline.

He felt like a selfish prick. Lesath had told him how much she missed being held like she mattered to someone. That's what she was after. She did want him, but right now her wounds were raw and exposed to air. More than anything, Lesath wanted to feel loved and understood. She didn't want to be alone anymore.

Subaru knew how that felt, and he didn't want the girl who saved his life to feel the same.

Hesitantly, Subaru obliged and wrapped his arms around her exposed waist. Lesath's entire body relaxed instantly, and she hummed in appreciation. He was shaking with nerves, and he could feel a bead of sweat roll down his face, but there was something comforting about Lesath against him. Guilt ate at his insides, but if she really needed this, then maybe he could endure it for just a little longer, even if his mind was slowing down.

"Thank you for everything, Subaru." Lesath said as she sat up in his lap, causing him to flinch. "I really missed this feeling. It's been so long..."

"Y-Yeah, I am here for you, Lesath. Anything you need."

"Can I ask you for one more favor then?"

Considering she was sitting in his lap and half-naked, why the hell not? "Sure."

She smiled and leaned in a little closer. "Pat my head."

Subaru breathed a small sigh of relief. Sounds simple, nothing risky, right? He placed his hand atop her head and did as she asked.

As his palm rested between her ears, they flattened out and her face scrunched up in utter bliss. Lesath leaned into the head pats like they were her drug of choice and happily squirmed in his lap, oblivious to the struggles young men face in this situation. Subaru was fighting his own body now to keep this at platonic as possible.

His headache was back along with his rise in blood pressure, and the fear of what it could mean didn't help matters either. Subaru fighting to remain alert and to stay calm lest he do something awful again. Damn it, he felt so tired now…

Then, he got an idea.

"Uh, Lesath?"

"...Mmm?"

"My head is hurting. Can you heal me again?"

Lesath reached up and caressed his cheek, her fingers emitting light as relief flooded his mind and body. He felt high while she channeled her magic into him, as if her magic was able to erase his stress. He loved the feeling, but it wouldn't last forever. The moment her hand pulled away, the euphoria was gone and the pain returned. Why had it returned?

Peeking through the slits of her eyes, a flushed Lesath noticed his expression and sat up in concern. "Su~su, are you okay?"

He rubbed his right eye and grimaced. "I... I need to lay down, I think."

"Of course!" Lesath hopped off his lap and extended her hand to help him stand.

Together, they made their way up the stairs while Lesath supported Subaru's weight. The pain was getting worse. By the time they reached his bedroom for the night, Subaru was whimpering.

"I don't understand, it should stop with magic." Lesath said as she helped him sit on to the bed. Caressing his cheek once again, he was flooded with relief and that wonderful feeling.

Subaru held her hand against his clammy skin and panted. "D-Don't go. Please, it hurts..."

Lesath nodded and moved to sit beside him, but he pulled her back on to his lap. Her face was one of surprise, not apprehension, as he laid down and kept her against his chest. His head was hurting so bad that he didn't care how this looked.

Now she was his lifeline. Lesath stared down at him from atop his chest and ran the fingers of her free hand through his damp hair. She poured more magic into her touch to give him some relief, but it didn't take it away completely.

They locked eyes, their hearts pounding in their chests. Subaru was in so much pain that the idea that Lesath would break contact with him was physically stressful. He didn't want to feel this damn pain ever again, all it ever did was bring ruin to his life, but he was so tired and dizzy. Something warm ran down his face.

Lesath's breath hitched, "You're bleeding again..."

"D-Don't let go of me... Please, don't let go, Lesath. It hurts..."

Her breathing was heavy as her eyes trailed along his face, following the crimson warmth across his skin. "C-Can I get that for you?"

He nodded absently, not expecting or caring what she would do next.

To his shock, Lesath's tongue slipped across his cheek as she licked the blood off his face. Subaru felt her piercings drag across his flesh and shuddered with both pleasure and fear. Why did she do that? What's going on? That's when he focused on her again and he saw the change.

Lesath's blush was back in full force as a sultry smile slowly spread across her features to reveal sharp canine teeth. Her eyes were crinkled at the edges and practically shined with dark ecstasy. As she leaned down again, Subaru froze in place. She was the one keeping his pain minimal, and yet his mind was trying to tell him to get away.

"You know, it’s been a long time since I've had this." Lesath whispered as her lips brushed against the skin next to his ear. Her voice was husky, steeped with need. "Isn't this kind of exciting?"

"I-I don’t... What are you doing?" Subaru asked quietly since sudden movements hurt.

Lesath brought her face to hover over his, their noses almost touching as her eyes flashed dangerously. "No one understands me, Su~su. They can't understand why I enjoy my job. But surely you understand, right? What that's like?"

A pit was starting to form in his stomach. Her inner fire, that loving warmth, had changed. It was still loving, but now something else had made itself known. Something frightening. "Y-Your job? You're a healer. You take care of your family."

She nodded and caressed his hair lovingly. "That's right. I take care of my family. I heal people that need healing. All of that is true, but..." Then her nails ran along his jawline, and it actually hurt. He hissed, which seemed to make her smile more. Lesath ran her tongue along his face again and he could feel her shuddering against his chest.

"Once upon a time, there was a child who was expected to accomplish great things. Her father pushed her and punished her harshly for her failures. He made her bleed, Su~su, and she just couldn't understand why. She grew up thinking this was normal, because when she became a slave, it was the same. People hurt her, used her, and left their scars."

Subaru felt his panic rising once again. Lesath noticed and brought her face back to his, her smile twitching as tears rolled down her cheeks only to fall on to his face. "I was worthless. My father didn’t want me, and my masters abused me. I didn't understand there was anything different out there until that man came and rescued me. I thought he'd treat me the same as everyone else because that was just how it was, but you know what he did? Do you, Su~su?"

Lesath's face scrunched up as she fought back her sobs. "He gave me a new name. He told me that he would save me from that dark place, a place I didn't know was dark until he showed me what light was. I was broken and so, so very hurt. When he held me for the first time, I wept. I wept and I begged him to kill me, so that his arms could be the last feeling I ever had. I didn't know yet, but he was broken, too. He was a bad man who was saved, and he thought he could save me, too. He was the closest thing to what I think a father is that I've ever known, but it was different. Do you know why, Su~su?"

He gently shook his head, unsure of how to respond. His arms were still around the demi-human girl. Not long ago, he was ready to shove her off if this continued, but now he was transfixed by her story. His pain throbbed in his head, despite the steady amount of healing Lesath was still giving him. Even the burning in his cheek from her nails was gone.

"He was my first love, my only love. He was only nine years older than me when he saved me and named me 'Lesath', but he didn't see me that way. To him, I was his daughter or little sister. I tried to get him to understand, but he never... He never touched me the way I wanted him to, the way that only he was allowed to after he gave me a family and loved me more than anyone else ever has."

Lesath nuzzled his face, her wet cheeks slightly cool between their hot, sweaty skin. "He left me, Su~su. I guess we weren't enough for him... I guess I wasn't enough, as a daughter or a wife. I wanted to save him from his demons, like he tried to save me from mine, but both of us failed. He rejected me, and now we can't be saved."

"L-L-Lesath, what do you m-mean?" Subaru asked as she sat up on his lap, still holding a hand to his cheek and flowing magic into his body.

That fire within her raged now against the confines of her soul. Her smile was so full of sorrow and heartbreak. Subaru could see remorse and self-loathing in her eyes. It made his own tears flow freely, but not from the physical pain. Those eyes, ones that spoke of carrying their own personal hell inside their head, resonated with him.

We're the same.

Lesath reached up with her free hand and one of her nail's extended into a razor-sharp claw. Subaru felt a twinge of fear as she dragged the claw across the exposed flesh of her chest and drew blood. He watched her cheeks color again and her breathing came in slow, ragged breaths. That pleasured smile spread across her features, but it didn’t match the pain in her eyes or the tears that continued to dampen her skin.

"S-Stop!" Subaru shouted, causing him to wince as he reached up to grab her hand and keep it from cutting her further. "Lesath, w-what are you doing?"

"For so long, pain was the only thing I felt, Su~su. Emotional and physical, I learned to enjoy what I received from others. It's what broke me, and it's what brings me peace." Her lupine eyes focused on his shoulder, the one that he had injured in his own lost invisible battle. "You understand what I mean, I know you do. You understand me, just like he did."

Lesath grabbed his hand and splayed it across her bloody chest. Subaru tried to pull away, but she was stronger than him. Her grip was like iron, like Ram's had been. She leaned over and licked her own blood off his fingers and palm sensually. All the while, her eyes never left his.

He couldn't pull away as she took one of his fingers into her mouth and sucked on it. Warmth returned to his cheeks, but he didn't need to see himself to know his nose was bleeding again, which drew her attention. His pain seemed to excite her even more, so he tried to stay calm and bite his lip. Instead, he drew blood there, too.

Lesath cocked her head and grinned. She licked her lips before lowering herself once again.

"L-Lesath-" Subaru tried but was silenced when she kissed him.

She moaned into his mouth and her tongue ran along his bottom lip to taste his blood. Lesath was a bit forceful with it and pushed past his lips. As if to reward his compliance, she placed a second hand on his neck and a second white light emitted from her fingers, flooding him with even more euphoria to block out his fear and apprehension. When it melted away, he was left with only the vague sensations of the pleasure having her against him provided. His mind was empty now, devoid of thought and reasoning, with only what he was feeling remained.

Lost in his own mind, Subaru let her do what she wanted, so long as he kept that feeling. His body was relaxed beneath her. Between the wine and her magic, he felt intoxicated. He was aware enough that when she pulled away to speak, he could at least find some comfort in her words.

"I promise I'll try not to hurt you, Su~su. Just love me the way I need to be loved. Just this once, okay? It's just you and me..."

Subaru jolted when Lesath drug her beaded tongue up his jugular and tasted the salt on his skin. He could tell by the way she giggled that Lesath enjoyed his choked gasp and the sudden movements beneath her. Her hands roamed his body and continued to heal him steadily to preserve mana. The force of his shuddering set fire to her already sensitive nerves. He could feel her shaking beneath his touch as he ran his hand up her back and into her thick black hair. 

When her tongue reached his jaw, she shifted into him. Subaru groaned and fisted the fingers that glided through her hair before giving it a slight tug. Lesath let out a sultry moan as her head was pulled back, further enticing the carnal part of his broken mind as it struggled against the temptations of the flesh and fighting that familiar pain.

A split second later, and Lesath captured his lips again and sought entrance with a nibble on his lower lip, asking him this time. Her fire was hot against his mind now. He could feel her need, her desperation for love and acceptance. It both scared him and hurt his heart for this woman. It felt wrong to be with her like this, but he couldn't help but want to be closer to her, to reach for her. It was like several voices calling out inside his mind, telling him to run away, stop her, and to love her as she loved him. It didn't make sense, and it was confusing. Why? Why was he here, now, with her? She needed someone else, someone better than him.

Yet it was him that kissed her back, that her warmth craved to encircle and to never be apart from again. He was a black hole, feeding off the resonance of her heart as if devouring stars from the sky. It didn't matter in that moment that he was the scum of the earth; all that mattered was what they felt. He subconsciously reached for her fire, her warmth, her love, and tried to touch it with his own greedy heart, to share with her everything he was feeling. Subaru's breathing became labored as they ate up each other's affections, her face a grinning mess of tears and sweat. Her skin felt clammy like his to touch, but he couldn't imagine being apart from her now. As she fed him her magic and euphoria, he fed her desire in a feedback loop of need.

Lesath pressed her forehead against his and nuzzled his face, pressing his head into the pillow. Her breath tickled his lips, and he tasted copper and iron on his tongue. Everything felt intense and hazy at the same time, two contrasting sensations that culled their inhibitions.

"You smell so good, Su~su!" Lesath panted as her head dipped, but stopped just before their lips could meet again. It both was a disappointment and a relief.

She shifted and pressed her body against his. In the process, she felt his shame press against her groin and gasped at the long-awaited sensation.

"L-Le... Lesath, I'm..." Subaru began, his mind full of fuzz.

"Sit still." Her breath was hot, and she was shuddering with unfulfilled need. "If you don't, I can't promise I'll be gentle..."

She pulled away with a grimace and he saw blood around her lips. It took him a second to notice that her own nose was bleeding now and running down her lip. He found himself wishing he could taste the metallic wine on her skin and paused.

Why would he think that?

He didn't know why she was bleeding but concern for her flared in his chest. His hand reached her, and he ran his thumb along her lips. In return, she kissed his thumb and ran her piercings across the skin of his palm before she released him and reached down to take off her top.

Completely nude before his eyes, he saw her blood had run down her chest and couldn't help but stare. Lesath smiled through a wince of pain and frantically worked to undo his shirt and vest while her lips reclaimed their prize. The taste of blood was stronger now and a sharp pain came from inside both of their heads. This time, Lesath's hands didn't heal either of them. The pain mingled with the pleasure.

Subaru doesn't recall how long it took before they were nude, nor does he know when Lesath and he became one. She still sat in his lap and ran her sharp fingernails dug into his chest to draw more blood. Her warmth was stronger than ever, and he struggled to feel where she began, and he ended. It covered his skin like the crimson running down Lesath's fingers and her eyes.

At some point they switched positions. Subaru was drunk and lost on the sight of Lesath under him and how beautiful the pale girl looked flushed with passion as trails of red ran down her face like bloody tears. His own vision became blurry, and when he tried to shake his head, Lesath shakily reached up and wiped his eye with a thumb. It was stained red just before she licked the digit clean.

Passion blocked out reason and the blood was forgotten. He leaned down to capture her lips as their bodies moved in tandem, a slow and rhythmic dance that both could feel through some dark connection between their minds just as flesh connected their bodies. They were slick with sweat and blood, but that was what they both wanted now. He knew Lesath was holding back. Deep down, she wanted to hurt him even more, make him bleed even more. It was only out of love that she didn’t, the love she had for him and only him.

“Su~su!” Lesath reached up and pierced his back with her claws, creating scarlet rivers parallel to his spine. She bit his shoulder and broke the skin, lapping up the life that stained him.

Subaru returned the favor and bit her neck, but not hard enough to draw blood. No, there was blood on her skin already, so all he had to do was enjoy the taste without hurting her. He didn’t want to hurt her anymore than she wanted to be hurt in turn. The pain was his to bear, but it was hard to be one and not feel what the other was feeling.

It just didn’t work that way.

He could feel her shaking and hear her whimpers in his ear. Subaru pulled back and looked down at her as if through a red mist, concerned he had hurt this beautiful and misunderstood woman. Lesath was crying, he saw. They locked eyes and more tears, diluted crimson, rolled down her cheeks as her lips pulled back as if trying not to sob.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. He could feel it, through the fog. She was supposed to be happy and fulfilled. Why was she sad?

“Don’t ever leave me again,” Lesath sobbed as she ran her hands up his neck and stroked his lips with her clawed thumbs. “Please… Please, don’t ever, ever let your demons win.”

She kissed him lovingly and breathed in his scent. He didn’t understand what she was saying, nor could he comprehend it right now. Subaru was not truly there to hear her.

“You must become whole again, you know. It’s the only way you can save us.” Lesath pulled him down to press fully against her again. She was savoring the feeling of him. “Save me, Su~su. It has to be you.”

She urged him to continue, to reach the end together. Subaru picked up the pace. It didn’t take much longer before they clung to each other and cried out together, Lesath’s legs wrapping around his waist.

He could feel her sun as if it were inside of him, a life that he could reach out and grasp like the sweetest ambrosia. Subaru instinctively grabbed it and flooded it with everything he felt. He couldn’t stop the pleasure or the pain, couldn’t separate the two with his addled mind, and they flowed between the two of them with no barriers. Their hearts, and maybe their souls, had become one.

“Subuwu~!” Lesath buried her face into his neck and moaned in a strange, muffled sob as their bodies shuddered together.

Then the sun began to dim.

Subaru was panting, his sweat covered body heaving. He pushed himself up as some semblance of clarity returned to him. The pain was gone, leaving behind only the pleasure and physical satisfaction.

His mind turned to horror when he saw Lesath barely breathing, her skin deathly pale and slick with cold sweat.

“Oh my God, Lesath! Wh-What-What happened? What did we do?” Subaru asked, his body going into a full panic.

Everything they did came back to him, like flotsam adrift in the sea of his memories. His stomach lurched, but he kept it down as he tried to pull away from the demi-human girl. No, no, no, no, not again!

“…Su~su?” Lesath’s whisper reached his ears.

Turning his attention back to her, he looked at her as he trembled in fear. She looked so weak there, not like the lively and energetic girl she had been not that long ago. There was blood running from her eyes, nose, ears, and mouth on to the pillow underneath her head. The sheets around them were stained with blood from the multitude of wounds she had inflicted on them both in their sinful act. What was happening? Why did she look like that?

She reached up as if blind and touched his cheek with cold fingers. Subaru shivered and clutched her hand, trying to warm it against his skin. Somehow, he knew this was his fault. He did this to her; he caused whatever this was.

But how?

“I love… you, Su~su.” Lesath said lovingly, her fire fading to embers. She swallowed a lump in her throat and smiled, a joyful smile that didn’t belong on a dying girl. He knew that’s what was happening to her, he could feel it like his own heartbeat. "I'm sorry I tricked you... I thought poisoning the wine... I'm so sorry..."

Lesath was dying and holding on to speak to him just a little longer.

“I… I don’t understand! What is happening?! Lesath, please, tell me what is going on!” Subaru begged and pleaded, his voice a desperate shout for answers as reality once again became a nightmare he was forced to live through.

Was this the price he had to pay?

“Don’t be sad, Su~su… I finally got to show you how I truly feel. You didn’t reject me, and… and I couldn’t be happier.” Lesath grinned sadly, her bloodshot eyes staring at nothing. “Thank you for accepting me… Thank you for being the one person I could love in the end… Thank you for finally granting me my wish, and letting me die in your arms…”

Two final tears rolled down her cheeks, pure in their color as they washed away the blood that marred her beautiful features.

“I love you so much, Subaru. Thank you for being you.”

The last of the embers faded, leaving only darkness behind.

Subaru stared down at Lesath’s unmoving body, his mind unable to comprehend what just happened until after the fact. He tried shaking her, tried talking to her, but she didn’t respond. Lesath’s body was limp in his arms as he held her and screamed, his mind ablaze anew from the stress and agony of having killed another bright soul.

He wished he had died instead of her. It didn’t make any sense, what had happened? Why was she dead, and what did she mean in her last moments? None of this could be right, there was no way those final words were meant for him. No, it had to be a mistake, a cruel joke the universe played on him in her confused, dying moments. There was no way she could have loved him, and there was no way he…

He couldn’t have been the one to save her, so long ago. It was impossible!

Subaru screamed again and clutched his searing head. Why does this keep happening to him? Was he the devil, is that why he was surrounded by pain and suffering that he knew he caused? He clawed at his neck and face hard enough to draw blood. The pain helped. It made sense when nothing else did.

I just want this all to end!

I can’t accept this!

I refuse to accept this!

Subaru stood up from the bed, nude and searched the floor for his clothes. He found his pants and strapped to the leg was his knife. With fumbling fingers, Subaru freed the blade and stared into the metal that reflected the moonlight that bled into the room.

If I die, maybe I can change this… change everything.

What if it doesn’t work?

Subaru silenced his own doubts, and knew they had no place here. It had to, if his fantastic past and Rem’s revival was any indication.

Rem, I’m so sorry… I never wanted to hurt you.

He gritted his teeth and held the knife up to his neck.

“I’ll save you… I’ll save you, for real this time… I swear it.” Subaru promised himself and pressed the blade against his jugular.

The bedroom door burst open and snapped it off it’s hinges.

Subaru was hit with splinters and shielded his eyes. When he opened them, everything went quiet.

There, standing in the doorway, was the woman with his face.

She was staring down at Lesath’s corpse, visibly disturbed by what she saw. Her hand was over her mouth, her eyes wide, but she didn’t look at him. Why wasn’t she looking at him? She had tried to kill him, after all.

Why isn’t she looking at me?

He lowered the knife, his teeth cracking with the strain of his clenched jaw as darkness from the room gathered around his body shaking with rage.

Look at me, damnit!

“I… I can’t believe she…” She muttered, still unable to look at him.

The shadows curled around his blade, blocking out the light of the moon and submerging the air around the metal into the pit of his hate.

As if sensing something, the woman finally began to turn her head.

“Look at me!” Subaru roared as he charged at her, the blackened blade held with both hands and aimed straight for her heart.

Something burst from the woman’s abdomen, a shadowy fist that collided with him full bodily and smashed him against the far wall, his head and shoulder breaking the window. Subaru cried out as broken glass sliced into his tender flesh and tore across the back of his head and neck. Rage dulled the pain, but it still hurt. He glared like a feral animal back at the woman, who was staring at him with contempt as a second shadowy hand emerged from her body.

“Let’s try this again, shall we?” She asked, the Hands coming at him with inhuman speeds.

They grabbed his head and right arm. He tried to struggle, tried to get away, but their grip was absolute. Through two shadowy fingers he could see her face. She closed her eyes and muttered something, before suddenly the room shifted a full 180 degrees.

Subaru lost all feeling in his body as he collapsed. Pain radiated up his neck, but he couldn’t scream. He was limp like a bony doll that twitched against his will. It didn’t take much for him to understand what just happened.

She snapped his neck. He was dying.

He stared up at the ceiling as everything faded, the only sounds that made it into his mind was of more bones snapping and another corpse hitting the floor beside him.

Chapter Text

“You’re not ready yet, my love,” came the sweet familiar voice of a woman.

“…You coward…” A man muttered in the void.

Subaru’s consciousness slammed back into his body with the sudden beating of his heart. His breathing stopped and his eyes were wide open with terror. Had he…?

I… I died.

“You in there, Su~su?”

His head snapped to his left to see Lesath, alive and well, sitting beside him on the loveseat in her living room. Their first bottle of wine on the coffee table in front of them. She looked mildly concerned, but still happy to be close to him.

Lesath leaned back into the loveseat beside him and smiled at him with half-lidded eyes. "Can I lay my head on your shoulder again? It felt so nice-"

But Subaru didn’t let her finish. He dropped his glass and let it shatter on to the floor as he flung his arms around Lesath, startling the wolf-girl. She yelped as he pulled her against his chest and began to weep onto her shoulder. Her arms instinctively went around his torso and squeezed him tightly.

“I-I-I’m so g-glad! I… I…” Subaru sobbed as he crushed the girl against him.

He couldn’t see her face, but she was blushing madly and blinking back confused tears. “Su~su, what’s wrong? It’s o-okay, you can tell me a-anything…”

Subaru could feel her starting to tremble, but he didn’t care. He could feel it, her warmth. It was there, just like it had been, alive and strong. She tightened her grip on him as he just kept blubbering about how happy he was she was here. He didn’t understand why he woke up here instead of Astrea Manor like last time. Could he only go back so far?

I can figure this out later!

“S-Su-Subaru?” Lesath asked using his real name, sounding increasingly scared. “What happened…?”

He let her go but kept his hands on her shoulders as he leaned back. Tears and snot ran down his flushed face and his palms were sweaty. None of that mattered to him, though. Despite what Lesath did in his last loop, how she manipulated him, he was just happy that she was alive. She hadn’t died because of him. He hadn’t failed her yet.

I can still save her.

“Lesath… you have to listen to me, okay?” Subaru said as gently as he could past his breakdown, his eyes wild and red rimmed.

But she was terrified and trying to scoot away, her wide eyes never leaving him. Subaru continued and tried to keep her where she was, his hands gripping her firmly. She had to listen. She had to.

“We have to leave; we can’t stay here!” Subaru said as he tried not to hyperventilate.

We have to leave right now!

 Her head was starting to shake back and forth. There was denial there, as if everything were falling apart right in front of her.

“W-W-What are you talking about?” Lesath asked, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Why doesn’t she understand?!

“If we stay here, we’re going to die!” He said with his voice raised, frantic for her to understand what was going to happen. “S-S-She’ll find us and kill us if we don’t leave now!”

“Who?” Lesath asked, her resistance fading as she began to listen.

“T-That woman with my face!” He noticed Lesath’s face pale and stopped. Blinking, Subaru watched as Lesath bit her lip and looked away. His stomach dropped as he let go of her shoulders.

Lesath, you…

“Y-You knew she was coming?” He asked, his voice but a whisper.

She snapped her head back to him and grabbed his hands, “No! I mean, I knew she’d look for us, but I… I didn’t think…”

Lesath cried out as she stood up, grabbed the wine bottle, and threw it against the fireplace where it smashed into a thousand pieces. Subaru sat there in disbelief, watching her fume and shake as she fought back sobs. What was happening?

“I… I don’t understand…” Subaru said as he stood to face her.

“I know you don’t, Su~su.” Lesath said, pulling at her own hair in frustration. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know she’d be able to find us… If I had, I wouldn’t have…”

“What are you talking about? Please, just tell me what’s going on!” He shouted and then winced when his head pulsed once more with that hellish pain.

Lesath took her time answering, her emotional storm raging within her.

“She’s hunting us, Su~su. I’ve betrayed her and now she’s coming for me, too.” The wolf-girl said, looking incredibly frustrated. “I worked under her for a time, but that’s in the past now!”

None of this was making any sense to him. He couldn’t read her due to the turmoil that raged within them both, but right now the most important thing was they had to get away before that woman found them.

“Look, we can discuss this later! Right now, we need to leave!” Subaru said, taking a step towards her as he raised his voice.

Lesath was silent for a while with her back to him. She crossed her arms in front of herself and nervously bit her lip hard enough to draw blood. When she turned, her eyes were fearful again. She kept her body somewhat facing away from him, as if to protect herself.

“We… We could run away, you know.” She said quietly.

Hope bloomed in his chest. They could sort out the rest of this later, what was more important was getting away from that murderer! Finally!

“Yes, exactly! We can leave right now and- Lesath?”

She hung her head and gripped her forearms hard enough to hurt. Lesath sucked in a deep, shuddering breath and turned away from him again. Even from this distance, Subaru could feel her fire sputtering in distress.

“I mean, we could run away together, Su~su. Just you and me, you know? Far away from all… this.” She turned to him again with fresh tears, her eyes pleading with him. “We can be together, forever. Doesn’t that sound nice? Wouldn’t… Wouldn’t that be enough?”

Subaru stood there, still as stone. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings, all begging to be spilled in an effort to get Lesath to realize where this was leading them, and how this would end. A lump formed in his throat.

“Lesath…”

Her eyes were wide as she fully turned to him now, still holding herself as she shouted past her sobs.

“Please, Su~su! Please come with me and leave the past behind!” She took a single step forward, not enough to close the distance. “Who cares about the rest?! Can’t you see that if you stay here, you’ll never find peace?!”

Subaru felt everything he thought he knew breaking down. Nothing seemed real anymore. There was no way this was his life, that any of this was real. She couldn’t be suggesting…

“I know, okay? I know you’re scared and hurt; I can see it in your eyes!” Lesath ran to him, grabbing his hands and putting them on top of her head as she shook like a leaf and stained the floor with her tears. She was smiling the saddest smile Subaru thinks a person could wear as she rubs his limp hands across her scalp. He feels his heart breaking in his chest at the sight of it.

“I’ll be a good girl! I don’t care if you remember anything, none of that matters! We’ll make it work! We can go anywhere and go on dates together! I’ll make us money by healing people and you, you can do anything you want, I know you can! We-We can find somewhere to live away from all this insanity and be a real family!” Lesath fell forward and collapsed against his chest. She buried her face into his neck and wrapped her arms around his shoulders in a desperate attempt to get him to understand her, to accept her plan.

“Please, just run away with me, Su~su! Please don’t reject me like everyone else!”

Subaru silently held her close and rested his cheek against her temple, his tears rolling down his cheeks in hot lines to be soaked into her black hair.

“Someday, we’ll get married when you’re ready and we’ll have as many kids as you want! Or no kids, I don’t care, so long as we’re together, you know!”

He rubbed her back gently and held her up as her legs threatened to give out. Despite everything, her wishes mirrored his own, in a way. He wanted to escape this reality, to run away and never look back. Lesath tricked him, drugged him, and manipulated him, but she was broken by a life living in hell. He couldn’t find it in his heart to hate for what she’d done to him, even if he honestly was pretty upset about it. Lesath hurt him because she was hurting, something he’d seen already in his short time back. Oh, how badly he wanted for his life to be simple and happy.

Maybe… Maybe it could be happy.

Lesath stood up and cupped his cheeks in her hands. She kissed him with love and affection, not the near obsessive desire he knew she had for him. Her soft lips stirred chaos in his heart and pulled him towards something freeing. Their warmth matched what he felt from her love for him and her scent drowned out the smell of his own spilled guts that lingered in his mind. Her lips caressed his once more, softly and full of longing for the peace they could offer each other. In that gesture, he felt hope from her and for them. It made his chest ache as she smiled and wiped his tears away with her thumbs, ignoring her own. Her sun was bright, and it pulled him into its orbit.

“Just say yes… Just say yes and we’ll leave right now, okay? Just you and me…”

Subaru’s breath hitched his throat.

The flood gates opened, and a shivering Rem began to sob and weep openly before the boy she held captive.

“If I could go back… I’d go back and tell you ‘yes’.”

Rem regretted rejecting his offer back then, so maybe... maybe he shouldn't make the same mistake, right? It was better than dying, than facing the monster that people believed was their hero. Subaru's lips trembled as he thought about Carina, how devastated she would be without him. Would she hate him? Would she be able to move on?

She has her Aunties Rem and Ram. They seem to care for her a great deal, and Carina seemed to return their feelings. Even if it was only a day, surely, they wouldn't abandon a little girl. When his 'wife' came back, or turned up, would she take Carina away once she realized the man she married was not the same person? Maybe, in a way, this was mercy, like putting a sick animal out of its misery before its disease could spread to its fellows.

He audibly gulped. Lesath was searching his eyes for an answer to her proposal. When their eyes met again, a slow smile spread across her face. Subaru didn't need to answer her; it was all over his face.

We're going to leave all of this behind, he thought. After everything, didn't they deserve happiness? He wanted to think so. He needed to think so.

To his surprise, Lesath didn't gather much. After putting on her coat, she ran upstairs and entered her grandparents' bedroom but returned with a mostly empty travel bag. Subaru grabbed his sword and coat but otherwise followed Lesath into the kitchen where she gathered a few dry goods and scoured the cabinets and drawers for anything useful. He noticed that she now had two short swords strapped to her waist, a rectangular holster strapped to her thigh, and a few throwing knives stashed in various places, such as her boots, belt, and he even spied a couple holstered up her sleeves. He didn't know how he felt about that, but if she could defend herself like she said, then maybe it was for the best he hadn’t asked yet. Stuffing what she could into the knapsack, she looked at him and smiled nervously.

She grabbed liquor bottles from the kitchen and began pouring the contents out across the walls and floors.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Subaru shouted.

"Trying to give us every advantage." She answered before making her way throughout the house and repeating the process throughout the family room, on to the furniture, and on the stairs.

Lesath tossed the bottles to the floor and walked to the fireplace and kicked the teapot away. While its contents spilt on to the floor, Lesath picked up a burning log and, to his horror, threw it on to the loveseat.

She ignored his protests and grabbed burning log after burning log, tossing them into the kitchen and even upstairs on to his empty bed. Her hands were blistered and angrily red from bare handling the flaming pieces, but she used healing magic to deal with the worst of it. Lesath turned to him and smiled, tears of pain running down her cheeks as her hands glowed.

“Time to go, Su~su!” She chirped.

They gathered their things, ran out the back door, and took off down the street as fast as their legs would take them.

"I can't believe we just did that!" Subaru said loudly so Lesath could hear over the wind rushing past their ears as they ran together from their crime.

She was cackling. "That was so fun! Can we do it again?"

"I'd rather not."

Lesath grinned teasingly. "You're such a good boy, Su~su! I love it!"

His face and neck flushed with heat but said nothing. After what they did together, he didn't have much to say to that. The thoughts of their sin were offset by the memories of her death. Her bloody, lifeless face played over his vision and his chest twisted painfully. He barely knew this woman, and yet her feelings were rubbing off on his heart.

Did he love Lesath? No, he didn't, at least not in the way that she did him. Maybe someday, but to him she was the kindred spirit he needed right now. She deserved to live, to heal, to be loved, even if she didn't think or want to without him.

He made a promise, and that was all that mattered right now.

There was so much he wanted to discuss with her, namely his past, their relationship, and her true identity. The fact that he literally gave his virginity- sort of, not really, he had a daughter- to a total stranger that enjoyed bleeding people wasn't lost on him, either. Every aspect of these past two days had felt like a sadist's wet dream, and he was the poor bastard providing the entertainment.

Why did that analogy feel entirely too accurate?

Lesath was sneaking peeks at him and smiling.

Maybe that's why.

"Hey, Su~su, I have a question." The woman beside him asked playfully.

"What’s that?"

"Did you enjoy the kiss~?"

A lump formed in his throat as her dying words echoed in his ears.

"I, uh... Yeah. Listen, can we just get out of here first?!"

Her cheeks were darkened and bunched up from her wide, cheshire grin.

Something told him this wasn't the end of the conversation.

Subaru watched the smoke rise in the distance. He hadn't expected Lesath to so easily torch her grandparents’ home, but he didn't have time to argue with her methods. He didn't know if it'd do them any good. Subaru figured anything was worth a shot, right?

If that woman thought they were dead, then surely that would be a boon, right? He felt guilty about the neighbor's homes and prayed they'd be unharmed, but he was in this now. There was no going back.

Lesath and he ran as far as they could.

Once outside, Subaru could finally breathe a sigh of relief. That entire ordeal had been enough to confuse the hell out of him for the next year. He had so many questions, but the feeling of imminent danger kept him silent. Once he knew they were safe, he’d have all the time he wanted to ask any and every question he could think of. They were sticking to the shadows as they took every back alley and side street, they could to avoid anyone seeing them. Lesath apparently knew where she was taking them, so he as forced to just keep close to her.

“Lesath, can I ask you something?”

“I don’t think right now is-“

“Why are you going along with this?”

She stopped a few steps ahead of him and turned to look at him in confusion. “Wait, what do you mean? You wanted to run away with me, didn’t you?”

“Of course!” He quickly replied, then followed up with, “I just… I don’t know, I just can’t understand why you’d want to run away with me, is all. I mean, you barely know me… right?”

They stared into each other’s eyes for a while before she smiled sadly and averted her gaze to the pavement.

“I can tell you can understand me, even without your memories. I can’t explain it very well right now, but do you know what I see when I look into your eyes, Su~su?”

Lesath met his gaze one more time.

“I see the look of the man who gave my life meaning.”

Subaru felt his heart clench, but he couldn’t let himself get dragged into the deep. He knew her feelings were real, he could feel them, they just didn’t make sense. Nothing about his life did anymore, if it ever did, because there it was again, that feeling that he was being held up to some impossible standard. He wasn’t anyone special, no one worth saving, and that’s why he couldn’t understand why everyone kept trying to protect him. It was frustrating, maddening, and it made him wonder if maybe this had all been a mistake.

Did Lesath really understand him like the kindred spirit he hoped she was, or was he just playing along to the delusions of a madwoman?

He wanted to say something, anything, but instead all that came out was:

“I-I don’t understand how…”

Lesath seemed to be just as hurt by his reaction as he was confused. She walked up to him and grabbed his clenched hand.

“Su~su, I’m sorry, but we have to go now, okay? Take the bag and climb on to my back, it’ll be faster. I promise I’ll explain when we’re out of the city.” Lesath said as she offered him their pack.

Subaru shakily did as she asked and tried to control his breathing. This wasn’t the time. If he panicked now, they were dead and he couldn’t go through seeing Lesath die again, especially not in the way he had died. Just the fear of such a mental image steeled his resolve. Fighting past his emotions, he put the pack on and climbed on to her back. Lesath’s hands on his thighs held him in place.

She told him to hold on to her. He did, and she easily held him up and broke into a dead run. Subaru was just along for the ride, amazed at her strength for being such a slender young woman. Did it have to do with her demi-human nature?

She then began to run with him on her back through the alleyways and keeping to the shadows. They had to be quick and find a way out of the city before that shadow arm lady caught up to them. The streets were mostly deserted now, minus a few patrols and nightly stragglers. He was sure it looked odd to see a young man being carried like a child by a demi-human woman, but if he cared what they thought, he'd ask. Right now, the only thing on his mind was surviving long enough to see daylight.

It wasn't long before Lesath heard something behind them. She looked over her shoulder, a bead of sweat rolling down her cheek as the sound grew closer and closer. Subaru heard it, but he didn't understand at first what could possibly be making those sounds. He listened closely.

Then it dawned on him.

It was the sound of wings.

"Up there!" He shouted, snapping both his and Lesath's attention to the night sky.

Above them were dozens of winged creatures, their black wings and bodies absorbing the lamplight and creating the illusion of a writhing dark sky.

"What-What the hell are those things?" Subaru asked as panic began to set in.

"Mabeasts!" Lesath answered as she tried to pick up the pace. "We have to get underground or indoors, or they'll swarm us!"

"Won't that woman find us if we stay in one place?"

"Of course she will, it's probably one of the reasons she sent them."

Subaru stared at the creatures, noticing their ruby red eyes were the only truly visible part of them, with each eye focused squarely on them. "S-She can control these things?!"

"Not directly, but-!”

Several of the creatures were diving after them. Subaru yelped, but Lesath saw them over her shoulder and let go of one of Subaru’s legs to pull out three throwing knives between her four fingers of her right hand. She rounded a corner and threw. Subaru had just enough time to watch the blades sink into their heads and begin to fall before they were obscured by the wall of the building they passed.

"Where are we heading?" Subaru asked, keeping an eye on the aerial rat pack as Lesath navigated them through the dimly city.

"We'll have to find somewhere to get away from these mabeasts and escape after they leave! It's the only option we have; they'll hunt us down if we stay out in the open for much longer! I know a way out of the city, so don’t worry!"

It sounded like a good plan, and maybe their only plan. After all, where would they go? It's not like they could just knock on someone's door and ask to wait out the bloodthirsty bat cloud.

“Hey, Su~su, will you trust me on what I’m about to tell you?” Lesath asked out of the blue.

“Y-Yeah, sure! But why-?”

Lesath’s voice was strained as she dodged more mabeasts, deftly evading them, but it was obvious they were losing ground. “I will keep you from your demons, no matter what I have to do!”

“Wait, what are you-?”

But the response never came. Right as he went to answer her, several of the bat-like creatures swooped down to attack the fleeing couple.

"I'm sorry in advance!" Lesath said.

"Why- Whaaa!"

Lesath dropped Subaru flat on his ass mid run so that she could pull out four throwing knives. He winced for his busted tailbone but sat transfixed as she threw the knives with masterful accuracy. Each blade lodged itself into the head of one creature and dropped them to the street below. Lesath then drew her dual swords and launched herself at the creatures, managing to cut down a few midair before using the falling corpses as projectiles by kicking them into their swarming brethren.

Subaru just watched it in awe. Lesath was badass.

If she wanted to kill me in our last loop, she could have in a second...

He saw her face as she artfully dealt death. Lesath was blushing, a wide grin on her face as beast blood was sprayed in chaotic patterns with every slash of her blades. She was careful not to let their blood get on her, but it was obvious she wanted nothing more than to be amid the crimson rainstorm she was creating. Their eyes met for a split second, and he saw that same self-hatred reflected in his eyes, just as he had in the last loop.

Lesath didn’t want to be this way, he realized. She didn’t want to be a monster.

Subaru’s chest burned with rage, at himself and everyone that ever hurt her. This was the result of his failure, and yet that woman saw him as a paragon. She was risking her life for him when he had done nothing.

Just like with his old friends, he saw their ‘hero’ and wanted to tear him down from the pedestal they put him on.

Subaru drew his sword as one of the flying creatures descended upon him. He swung it by pure reflex and cut a nasty gash into the beast’s hide, but didn’t kill it. Something inside of him said that he could have if he had just let it get a little closer.

What is this feeling?

Before he could think further, something slammed into Subaru's side and sent his sword across the street. It pinned him on his side to the ground with enough force he could feel his bones creaking. He turned his head and cried out in anger and pain.

It was one of those shadowy hands, which meant...

"No, damn it! Not now!" Subaru cursed as the woman with his face lowered herself into view from the rooftop behind him using three more shadow arms.

"Su~su!" Lesath shouted, the mabeasts forgotten. "I'm coming!"

More of the creatures swarmed the demi-human and obstructed her path. She cried out with primal fury as she hacked and slashed, dodged and weaved, all in a single-minded effort to reach her love. The finesse she displayed gave way to savagery.

Subaru struggled against the hold of the shadow hand. He pushed and wriggled against it, but nothing helped him get out of her grasp. The loose rocks jabbed into his ribs and hips.

"You should have just gone home." The woman said as two of her shadowy arms fended off any stray mabeasts that tried to attack her or her prisoner.

Subaru noticed this and tried to desperately form a plan. "What the hell do you want with us? Why are you doing this?"

The woman glared at him. From her expression, Subaru could tell she blamed them for this somehow.

"I don't know what bullshit she's fed you, but you need to forget about her." The woman said.

"Shut the hell up!" Subaru shouted and continued to fight against the Hand as well as the doubts her words reawakened. "You don't know anything!"

The woman sneered. "I know more than you do!"

"Leave. Him. Alone!" Lesath shrieked as she charged through the mabeasts.

Shadowed Hands clashed against steel, but the woman barely moved as her magic arms slithered and writhed to block each of Lesath's dance-like strikes. The demi-human remained light on her feet, performing flips, spins, and jabs with masterful precision, but nothing got past those shadowy arms. Sweat was glistening on Lesath's athletic body and her eyes flashed with pure killing intent.

Subaru watched her fight so hard to save him and felt shame in his heart because he couldn’t return such resolve. The thought of dying a painful death again frightened him. Lesath didn't have to fear, at least not for himself. Any romantic would see such a display and marvel at how much she must love him, but Subaru didn't see that.

What he saw now was how little love she had for herself.

"Enough of this!" The woman shouted and sent her Hands sweeping outward.

Lesath was forced back. She flipped a dramatic distance to put space between them, but it was like she couldn't see the Hands to properly dodge or block their strikes. Lesath was hit by one that sent her flying into the building behind her. Thankfully, Lesath was able to land against the wall on her feet and dispersed the force of the impact, but the Unseen Hands weren't giving her a reprieve.

Lesath kicked off the building towards the street but landed right into the palm of a large shadow hand. Her face screwed up into an angry snarl as the fingers curled around her calf and whipped her down the street like a stone across water. Subaru watched helplessly as one of her swords was thrown from her grasp and her body bounced painfully. The mabeasts saw injured prey and descended upon Lesath.

"Stop it! Leave her alone!" He shouted with rage filled eyes. Even without her sun, he remembered Lesath's pain. It hurt him to see her going through this to save his useless hide.

"Get a grip already!" The woman snapped, ignoring the sounds of a feeding frenzy. "You don't know her! Like an idiot, you were pulled into her game!"

He pushed away the doubts and said, 'I know enough', but felt his breath hitch as he saw the state of his demi-human companion.

She jumped to her feet, her entire body glowing with magic as she brought bloody death on everything around her and decorated the street with gore. Abrasions and cuts on her exposed legs and face began to close before their eyes. Her own eyes lit up with pleasure and rage while her fanged smile rippled across her flushed face. What blood there was on her lips was seductively licked away by her beaded tongue.

Not for the first time, Subaru felt fear. It wasn't the fear he expected to come from such a sight, but one born of concern for her heart. He was reminded of the burning villages, the dying woman he watched turn to ash, and the knights who stood against the monster in human flesh. Something about Lesath's single-minded purpose to save him, and by proxy herself, brought a feeling to the forefront of his mind.

It was like staring into a reflection he no longer recognized.

The woman who restrained him watched Lesath stand and took a wide stance as a bead of sweat rolled down her brow.

"If that's what you think, then you are a fool." She said to him.

"Let him go." Lesath said sweetly as she began to slowly advance on the woman and step over the chunks of witchbeast meat at her feet. "If you don't, I'll have to cut you to pieces, too~."

"Bet you'd like that." The woman said as three Unseen Hands coiled like serpents ready to strike.

Lesath smiled menacingly as she let the rest of her threat hang in the air.

"Are you sure someone like that still has your best interests at heart?" The woman asked just loud enough for Subaru to hear.

Subaru wanted to tell her 'yes', but he hesitated. Was he putting his faith in the wrong person? He didn't want to address these questions, not now, not ever. Lesath and he were kindred spirits, right?

"Go home- Fuck!"

The few mabeasts remaining apparently realized that Lesath was the more dangerous one, as they quickly descended on Subaru's prone form. He saw them coming for his exposed legs and face, but he was trapped under the Hand and unable to help himself. As they drew closer, his vision filled with leathery wings, ruby red eyes, and wicked talons.

"Subaru!" Several voices cried out at once.

A shadow passed over his vision and blocked the mabeasts from tearing him apart. Subaru had the presence of mind to realize that what protected him was last thing he expected.

The shadow Hands were shielding him.

Through the gaps in the fingers, Subaru relived his previous trauma as Lesath charged towards them.

Another pair of feet landed in between them as their owner shouted Lesath's name, but the demi-human didn't hesitate. Whoever the newcomer was, they were fighting off the mabeasts trying to attack him and asking her to help. Why were they defending him?

He thought Lesath would want to target the mabeasts, but instead she ran past him towards the magic Hand user. The wet sound of metal cutting into meat and bone rang out. More shouting and screams as he imagined blood spraying in an arc against the building or road.

"Argh!" The woman cried out in pain. The Hands shuddered as if feeling it through their master, before another voice called out and the Hands released their hold on him. He heard a heavy thud and couldn't help but think, she did it!

Lesath got her!

At least, he thought so before the Hands retracted and he was faced with the image of a cloaked, sword wielding figure standing over him. Not too far from where he lay, Lesath was being pinned to the ground by two black Hands. Those Hands were connected to the abdomen of that angry looking woman with his face, now covered in blood as she cradled the stump of her left arm that Lesath must have severed at the elbow.

“Lesath, what the hell are you doing?!” The cloaked figure above him shouted.

He recognized that voice… But from where?

“Maia, she’s trying to kill Su-!” Lesath yelled as she struggled against the writhing shadows but was cut off when one of the slithering appendages slammed her head into the pavement. It looked like one Hand was splayed across her entire body, pinning her to the ground, while another gripped her face. The long arms that connected them to the woman piled on to Lesath like a cobra.

“Shut your fucking mouth, you damned failed experiment!” The woman growled out in agony through gritted teeth and a sheen of sweat on her teary-eyed face. The shadows beat Lesath’s skull down again and again. “You’re ruining everything!”

“Nana, you’ll kill her!” The cloaked teen, Maia, tried to rush the woman, but was snatched by a large Hand that clutched her torso. “Stop!”

Nana…

Images flashed through his mind of the woman with his face. Nothing he could hold on to, other than the memory of her chasing him through the forest. Clenching his jaw, Subaru cast aside those thoughts that tried to overwhelm his mind. He could make sense of them when they were safe.

“Lesath!” Subaru jumped to his feet and drew his knife.

“Don’t move!” Nana snapped, sending a Hand screaming through the air in his direction.

Subaru threw himself to the side and the Hand soared past. His entire body was flooded with adrenaline and shaking. If he didn’t think of something, Lesath was going to die. He gripped his knife, trying to come up with an idea, as he scrambled to his feet and resumed his sprint.

Lesath wasn’t struggling anymore. The cracked pavement under her head was stained crimson with the pool steadily spreading.

Thump!

“Not again!” Subaru cried out.

The Hand that missed him prior snaked back around and latched on to his leg. He tripped but managed to land on all fours.

Thump!

Rage filled his mind. These damn Hands keep getting in their way. He trembled at the thought of the pain these shadowy fingers have already put him through. The very sight of them revolted him.

Thump!

He raised his knife, the blade poised to stab the Hand.

Thump!

He struck its shadowy skin once, but nothing happened. Again, and the same result. He screamed in frustration and raised the knife up one last time.

Thump!

“Stop it, you bitch!” Subaru screamed as he brought the blade down on the shadow Hand.

Where the blade struck the Hand, a purple light burst from the point of contact and suddenly the Hand snapped at the wrist as if it weighed a ton. If the shadows had bones, they would be shattered now. The fingers loosened around Subaru’s ankle and gave him a chance.

Eyes alight with magic, Subaru glared at the woman and instinctively raised his knife to throw. There was no thought, just reflex, as it he’d done it a million times. It felt right, like this action was etched into his soul.

Alas the Hand he freed himself from wrapped around his knife hand and kept him from attacking. Thoughts akin to toxin seeped into his mind and drug his thoughts into the void of hatred. Something was happening to him, but he didn’t have the presence of mind to realize nor care.

Damn you and these fucking Hands! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you! I’ll save her and end you!”

Another sickening thump. Subaru’s stomach churned and he cried out to any deity that would listen to stop this, to save Lesath. Through the red haze, the dread of failure loomed over him. Angry tears ran down his cheeks as he raised his free arm and reached for the woman he had vowed to save. He could only see her bloody head and still hands underneath the shadows. She was so far away and out of his reach, yet a familiar tingling danced across his perceptions.

It felt like maybe… maybe he could end this.

He let his body do as it pleased and felt a sudden influx of power.

Nana’s frightened eyes were focused on him as he turned his palm towards her, his skin glowing with magic. Her Hands released Maia and Subaru in preparation for what was to come.

Instead of Subaru’s fury, pain came in the form of two female voices.

“El Minya!”

“El Huma!”

A dozen purple and blue crystals furiously rained down on Nana. Her screams pierced the night air as dust and debris were cast in all directions, obscuring the carnage that was taking place. The Hands retracted back to their owner, leaving Lesath where she lay. Subaru watched in complete shock at the sheer power that he was witnessing and felt his knees go weak.

Was it over?

“S-S-Subaru!”

“Subaru!”

Those two voices called out to him as if from across a vast chasm. They didn’t sound right, as if they were both in his mind and out in the world around him. Through the dust, he turned his head to see two women running towards him at full speed but slowly came to a stop when they realized he was staring directly at them.

A blonde girl that reminded him so much of Carina…

And a pale, silver-haired maid with violet eyes.

His eyes widened as he recognized those features, both from Reinhard’s description and his own failing memories.

Emilia.

It was like a dream and a nightmare in one. The man who she dreamed of every night, the source of her greatest joy and darkest sorrow, was standing right in front of her. It felt surreal. It shouldn’t be real, it couldn’t be real, and yet there he was just as she remembered.

Subaru… her knight and best friend, Subaru.

Emilia’s body trembled as her carefully crafted cage crumbled at the sight before her. She held on to these feelings for so long and craved his presence so much that being faced with him now was too much. She steepled her fingers in front of her stomach that fluttered and twisted in unison.

He was standing there in disbelief. Had he gotten a bit taller? Or had she just forgotten after a year’s separation? His eyes, to both her relief and regret, were better than they had been. There was pain there, sorrow yes, but it wasn’t so deep seeded this time. Maybe her mind had made him look worse in her memories, or maybe…

Maybe he really was happier without her in his life.

The idea that she couldn’t have eased his pain when she had the chance hurt her for his sake. No matter how many dates they went on, no matter how much he did for her, and no matter how much he put her above himself she never did for him what he did for her. Standing ten feet away from her former knight, in both name and her heart, what did she do now?

Beside her, Beako was struggling as well. The Great Spirit in the form of a little girl was shaking like a leaf and trying not to weep as she furiously wiped at her eyes. Both of them wanted to close the distance between them and him, but they both knew they had long ago lost that right. There was so much they wanted to say to him. Would he listen to them, or would he scorn them?

In a way, if he despised them and cursed their existence, then it was a blessing. They deserved it and more. Subaru had every right in the world to be their judge and jury. If he never wanted to see them again, they could accept that with broken hearts, because it was what he wanted.

But Subaru didn’t scorn them.

He ignored them.

The raven-haired boy ran past the two of them as if they were merely in the way and cried out another woman’s name.

“Lesath!”

Subaru slid to a stop on his knees before the fallen demi-human and took in the horrifying sight before him. Her black hair was matted with blood and bits of skull, but her eyes focused on him as he sat beside her. She was far too pale and what little color there wasn’t inside but coloring her outsides crimson. He hadn’t noticed with the number of shadows layered atop her, but her limbs were twisted and bent in unnatural angles. Subaru felt his face screw up as he fought back his pained sobs, but a gentle hand reached up and touched his cheek.

“I’m sorry, Su~su…” Lesath muttered weakly, a small smile on her face. “This was supposed… to be the best day of… my life…”

“Hey, don’t say things like that!” Subaru said as he held her cold hand. “It’ll be okay. I promise, I can fix this…”

“I couldn’t save you…” She said, a single tear rolled down her face.

There was a scream and the wet sounds of something hitting the ground. Subaru’s head twisted back towards where Emilia and the blonde girl had been standing to only be blinded by a flash of light.

“Emilia!” He called, but when his vision cleared, his heart sank.

The blonde girl was gone, nowhere to be found, and Emilia was laying in a pool of her own blood cradling her spilling intestines. Standing above her was a darkly clad woman in a black cloak like Nana’s, but he couldn’t see her face due to the shadows it cast. He didn’t need to see her face to know that the murderer was smiling blissfully, he could feel it press against his psyche.

Subaru’s breath caught in his throat as the horror caught up to him. What the hell is this?! Who are these people?!

A wet cough drew his attention away from one dying woman to another.

Nana was standing with a large blue spear of ice that pierced her back and exited through her right side. Maia held her up, crying as she clutched the murderous woman. Subaru couldn’t understand the sight before him.

Nana was breathing and glaring at him with the fury of hell itself.

“How-!” He shrieked.

But he didn’t get the chance to finish.

A single Unseen Hand emerged from her ravaged stomach and slammed on to Lesath’s head with a sickening wet crunch before it turned on him and dug its fingers into his guts. He screamed in agony as he was forced to the ground as the Hand pierced the skin and squirmed around in his intestines before it seized them.

Nana muttered something under her breath once again.

With a merciless pull, the organs were ripped free of his body in seconds. As people screamed around him, the Hand lifted him like a macabre marionette puppet and swung him into a nearby building, shattering the windows and walls into splinters and shards that would have cut the life from the raven-haired hero with one last act of brutality. At the last possible second a blur collided with Subaru and acted like a shield of sorts as they crashed through everything.

Nana grinned as the wind itself became a blade and dozens of blue spears appeared. This time, she couldn’t defend herself. Using the last of her strength, Nana used an Unseen Hand to throw Maia to safety before death embraced her for the second time today.

Subaru couldn’t feel anything, nor could he make sense of what he was seeing. Sounds were muffled and his vision was stained red, but it looked like a girl was staring down at him as she clutched him closely and wept. He knew he was dying, so that must mean he was looking into the face of an angel. Nothing else made sense, right? Maybe it meant this time his death would be permanent.

Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

He was so tired, so fed up with this mockery of life that he lived. Suffering hung around him intimately and left him with no reprieve. If this was to be his life, he wanted none of it.

At least this beautiful woman would be the last thing he saw before his soul was dragged down to hell. He had no illusions that’s what awaited the monster whose body he held hostage. The angel stroked his cheek as her tears mixed with his blood. She was blubbering something, but it was hard to make out. Subaru put the last of his strength to hear what the angel was telling him. Maybe it would be important for the afterlife.

“…m sorr… baru, your Rem… here… love you…”

What does that even mean? Why would an angel love a demon?

More angels appeared, one tiny and the other a reflection of the one that held him. Every one of them was crying and shouting, but he couldn’t hear them now. The tiny one’s hands touched him, and his vision shifted, as if he were being moved underneath several waves lapping against the shoreline. The other two angels watched in horror, but whatever was happening was beyond his understanding now.

As the world faded around him and left his vision dark, Subaru let the mercy of death take him into the shadows where he belonged. There, he could ponder the meaning of love as devils danced and cheered for his pain.

Chapter Text

“Keep going, I know you can find the answer.”

“Pathetic…” Came the man’s voice.

“You’re still so very slothful!” Came a third voice.

“You in there, Su~su?”

He turned his head. There she was, just like before. Lesath, alive and well, sitting beside him on the loveseat in her living room. Their first bottle of wine on the coffee table in front of them. Just like before, she seemed concerned but was just happy to be beside him.

Lesath leaned back into the loveseat and smiled at him with half-lidded eyes. "Can I lay my head on your shoulder again?”

Her head?

A disturbed Subaru just stared Lesath in the eye as he shook with fear. He had failed again. Images of Lesath's broken body assaulted his mind. Her bones twisted at unnatural angles, her fanged bloody smile, and her tears as she was crushed by Nana's shadowy hands.

"Su~su?" Lesath asked innocently, confused at his horror but concerned all the same. "W-What's wrong?"

Subaru couldn't speak. While she sat beside him, alive and well, all he could see was her viscera and meat being ground into paste. The mysterious angels crying over his dying body, angels he could now recognize outside the haze of death. The little blonde girl vanishing in a flash of light.

Emilia eviscerated.

His cursed guts rebelled.

"Su~Su!" Lesath cried as Subaru dropped his glass, stood, and vomited on to the floor in front of the vacant loveseat.

She was up in an instant, rubbing his back and emitting healing magic from her other hand on to his side. "What happened? What's wrong?" Lesath asked again, genuinely worried about him.

Subaru continued to dry heave a couple more times after emptying his guys on the wooden floors. He could identify bits of meat and half-digested vegetables from the skewers that, to him, he had eaten two lifetimes ago. A disgusting reminder of the one hour of peace he had with the beautiful, broken woman beside him.

What did I do to deserve this?

He let Lesath guide him back to his seat, where he promptly fell into it. The demi-human girl held his hand and watched him worriedly with her ears flat against her head, her fingers glowing to ease his nausea. Subaru looked at the emotion in her eyes and felt his own brand-new eyes shed brand new tears.

"Was it something you ate?" She asked.

He shakily squeezed her hand. "Lesath, you have to listen to me."

"Let me get you some water first." She quickly stood, only to be stopped by Subaru's refusal to relinquish her hand.

"Nana's coming for us."

Lesath's eyes widened in horror as he knew they would, and when she tried to pull away this time he jumped up and pulled her into a bear hug.

He couldn’t bear the sight of Subaru’s old friends suffering because of him. They would find them and get caught up in this mess if he didn’t hurry and get away. No, he couldn’t let them pay the price for him anymore. The whole point of this plan was to spare everyone their pain, wasn’t it?

"We're running away together, okay?" He sobbed, tears and snot running down his face. "We'll get away from this nightmare! I promise we will! This time-!"

"This time?"

"She got the jump on us last time, but I know we can escape!"

"Subaru, what-"

"Once, okay? Once, but I know what she's going to do! We can get past her!" He said with wild eyes, gripping her upper arms as she flinched from the volume of his voice. Subaru saw the pinprick of tears in her eyes as she searched his face for any assurance that this would work, that they would survive.

That they would live out their happily ever after.

"Su~su, you... you really want to do this? This isn't a trick?" Lesath asked with trembling lips, ignoring the insane ramblings that made no sense in favor of the words she was desperate to hear.

"Yes! Yes, but we have to leave! Nana has mabeasts she's using to hunt us! If we go now, we can get a head start!" Subaru was sweating, his body shaking from getting worked up. He let go of her and hopped over the loveseat, but his foot caught the back of it, and he fell on to his face and shoulder. "Shit!"

"Su~su!"

Subaru pulled himself up and grabbed his jacket and sword. "Get your weapons, we need to leave right now!"

Lesath nodded and rushed upstairs. It took her the same amount of time as before, but when she went to fetch food with her pack in hand, he stopped her. She looked at him in confusion.

"Every second counts." He said, a bead of sweat rolling down his cheek.

Carina was beyond frustrated at this point. Ever since all the adults ran out of the Manor to look for Papa, she’s been stuck inside. She was worried about her Papa and pacing back and forth in the study while her babysitter sat on one of the sofas and watched her nervously, as if she were a man-eating beast just waiting to make him her dinner! Why the hell can’t she go with the others? This was so unfair!

“M-Miss Carina, was it?” The green man, Otto was his name, asked after she walked a hole into the rug beneath her feet. “I’m sure they’ll find Mr. Natsuki soon. Maybe it’d be best if-“

“If you say ‘relax’, I will hit you.” Carina growled.

Otto gulped. Why was this little girl so scary all of a sudden? He had given her the bag of candy that Reinhard left him with, and she had eaten every piece minus a couple that were ‘reserved’. Hopefully she didn’t get a stomachache from it.

Though, it made sense. The girl wasn’t stupid, he observed. She was probably just worried about her… Papa?

Carina saw how out of depth the man was when dealing with aggressive children, so she took pity on him and stopped her pacing. “I’m sorry, but you don’t understand. My Papa shouldn’t be alone right now.”

“You both were attacked, right? Surely with Garfiel, Felt, and Reinhard searching they will find him before something happens. Besides, your… your, uh, Papa has done the impossible before. No matter what happens, I’m confident he’ll be okay!” Otto said, finishing his affirmation with a fist pump and only a little bit of his anxiety leaking through the mask he put on for the child’s sake.

In reality? He was worried to death, but it didn’t do any good to show that to a child.

Carina studied the man who tried to comfort her. The sad fact is that she knew her Papa better than he did, now, and even she didn’t know everything. She had seen her Papa at his worst and if he didn’t return, she was scared that’s exactly where he’d end up.

All the progress, all the safety and joy they had together here would be gone only after a couple of days in paradise. The thought that it would all go away hurt her deeply.

Stupid Papa, stupid Aunties, stupid adults!

Then she had an idea.

“U-Uh, where are you going, Miss Carina?” Otto asked as Carina made her way to the door and opened it to the hallway.

“This lovely lady is going to have a word with my Auntie.”

Otto blinked, “Y-Your what, now?”

Carina didn’t wait for him, she just walked out and soon he was trailing behind her.

“Hold on, Miss Carina! What do you mean your ‘Auntie’?” Otto asked as he kept pace with the short-legged child.

“Try to keep up, okay? This lovely lady hates to explain things more than once.”

Carina wasn’t sure what to expect when she reached her Auntie’s room. Things had gotten chaotic in the city and both twins had said some things that still bothered the tiny blonde. Just thinking about how those two fought over Papa made Carina’s chest ache. She was happy they loved her Papa, and were willing to fight for him, but she also knew how these kinds of squabbles upset Papa. Not to mention because of their fight, they lost track of him. Papa’s luck with women really was a problem.

I still haven’t forgiven them, but Papa needs me.

That one thought is what brought her in front of a closed bedroom door. She could hear soft crying through the door when she pressed her ear against it. At least it meant the sole occupant was awake, so Carina didn’t have to worry about waking her. Raising her little fist, Carina politely knocked on the door and waited.

No response.

“Maybe we should let her rest, Miss Carina.” Otto cautioned the girl.

A small vein pulsed in Carina’s temple. When it came to her Papa’s wellbeing, her patience was always thin. He was the one person who always accepted her, who loved her no matter her faults and tried to teach her right from wrong. Come hell or a troublesome oni girl, Carina was going to protect her Papa and smother him with all the love he deserved.

Which is why Carina knocked again, like a lovely lady should, and restrained her rising emotions.

“P-Please leave me alone, Carina…” Rem’s woeful voice came from the other side of the door.

“See? We should let her rest-“ Otto began.

“Auntie Rem, we need to talk.” Carina said, ignoring the green worrywart.

“I really… want to be alone right now.” Rem said again with her own barely contained emotions.

Otto tried to take hold of Carina’s hand to lead her away. The fiery blonde glared at him with the fury of an angry dragon, causing him to yelp and back away.

“Papa is in danger, Auntie! He needs us!”

No response, but Carina could hear sniffling. Then, “He doesn’t need me…”

“That’s not true!” Carina shouted.

“I told you to leave, Carina!”

Oh, for Od’s sake!

The tiny blonde kicked the door hard enough to break the lock off the door. It swung open and smacked against the wall with a resounding crack. Otto screamed at the sheer force Subaru’s child unleashed upon the obstacle in her way and silently prayed to Od he’d never be on the receiving end of Carina’s wrath.

Rem was sitting up on the bed, curled with her knees against her chest. Her face was a mess of tears and flushed a deep red from the storm of emotions she was facing. Despite the red rings and dark circles, Rem managed to sport a look of completely irritation at Carina’s audacity. She sharply glared at the daughter of the one who broke her heart and snapped.

“Why won’t you let me be?!”

“My Papa is in danger, why the hell do you think?!” The child shouted back.

“Language!” Otto cut in behind the blonde, feeling awkward but certain Subaru wouldn’t want her speaking like that.

“Bite me, green bean!” Carina snarled, those creepy eyes flashing with violent intent. “This is between Auntie Rem and me, so butt out!”

The green bean gulped. I knew you’d be a bad influence, Mr. Natsuki…

“Enough, Carina! This has nothing to do with you!” Rem shouted as she slid off the bed and stood before the girl.

“You’re right! It’s between my Papa, Auntie Ram, and you! But how are you going to talk it out if Papa’s dead?!”

That finally got Rem’s attention. She was taken aback and asked, “Dead? W-Wait, you mean…?”

Carina didn’t want to play this card, but she had no choice. She needed Rem’s nose for Papa’s scent if she was going to be sure he came back safely and didn’t flub up the plan as she knew it. Even if it went against what Papa told her this morning, the plan was more important. She decided she was willing to risk his anger if it meant he was safe. Something was going wrong with the plan, that much was obvious with his disappearance, and Papa was out there with no memories. Sure, Maia and Lesath were in the shadows, but they could only do so much per Papa’s orders.

No, he was in danger. That scary woman from the village, the one who later wounded and knocked her unconscious with a potent poisoned blade, came to mind. If she was out there, then…

“Papa told me not to tell you!” Carina’s eyes teared up as she stomped her foot in frustration, playing up her true emotions in a way that misled the two adults in front of her. “He’ll be mad I told you, but he’s being hunted!”

Both Rem and Otto’s eyes widened.

“S-Subaru is really being hunted?” Otto asked, the concerns and conspiracies from before now confirmed.

“The woman with his face…” Rem muttered, causing Carina to grimace.

Papa remembered Auntie Nana? When?!

Had this been a major miscalculation on her part?

“I have to find Subaru!” Rem said as she hurried past them. “Stay here!”

“I’m coming, too!” Carina shouted as she followed Rem.

“No!” Rem said. “Stay with Otto, where it’s safe!”

“That’s a moot point, Miss Rem, since I’ll joining you.” Otto said, surprising the blue maid as he too ran after them through the halls. “If Mr. Natsuki’s truly being targeted, then I refuse to be idle any longer!”

Carina studied Otto then nodded with approval. She then said to Rem, “Now we have to get Auntie Ram!”

Rem’s face devolved into something hurt and ugly with betrayal. “Then I’ll go ahead on my own!”

“C-Carina…” Otto tried to warn the girl to be quiet.

“My Papa’s life means more to me than your stupid fight with Ram!”

Rem froze in her tracks. She couldn’t look at Carina as shame colored her features. It wasn’t that she thought Carina was wrong, because Rem could agree with the girl’s feelings. Even if it was a bitter pill to swallow, Rem was logical enough to see that when held against Subaru’s life, this shouldn’t matter.

Yet it did matter. The pain Rem felt in her chest was threatening to destroy her. Right now, even thinking about Subaru left an empty pit in her soul. She hung her head as more tears spilt over and on to the floor.

Then Carina said the words that damned them all.

“I want to save Papa from his nightmares.”

Rem’s breath caught in her throat.

Even without his memories, Subaru is still in pain…

The thoughts and its implications were enough to make Rem sick. She staggered against the nearest wall as she struggled not to breakdown. Like an idiot, she didn’t see it- couldn’t see it past her own feelings, but it made sense.

His smile and his nightmares. His broken heart and his pain.

It was all because he…

“Rem! Are you okay?” Otto asked, approaching the oni maid worriedly.

No, no she wasn’t. Subaru was out there with a woman who was hunting him like a dog and what was she doing?

Nothing.

“Get Ram out here.” Rem said through gritted teeth. “We’re going to save Subaru!”

“On it!” Otto said as she spun on his heel to go fetch the pink oni, only to almost run into someone.

“No need,” Ram said, her arms crossed. “Ram is already here.”

Rem’s head snapped to glare at her traitorous sister, who flinched but maintained her own defiant stare. After a tense moment, Rem looked away and began making her way down the hallway again.

Carina watched Ram’s tough façade crack just a little but said nothing. They’d settle this later.

But when they did, Carina was determined for Papa to come out on top of this mess.

"Wait, everyone!" Otto said as his friends readied to rush out on foot. "We can't just run out there, there is too much ground to cover."

"Oh, now you're trying to stop us?!" Carina shouted angrily.

The merchant withstood Carina's anger and managed to stand tall, hands on his hips, with a self-satisfied grin. "Of course not, but I have an idea of how we will cover more ground. We'll just need the help of an old friend in the stables."

Ram and Rem frowned until they caught on to Otto's unspoken plan. Other than Frufroo and other ground dragons owned by the Felt camp, there was only one other dragon he could possibly be referring to...

"Patrasche!" They said in unison.

Maia’s consciousness slowly drifted to the surface. Her thoughts were thick like molasses and her body felt like a ton of lead, but at least the damn nausea was gone. She couldn’t remember a time when she’d puked before, let alone on a cute boy. Ugh, she was glad Papa hadn’t seen that, she never would have lived it down.

Her eyes lazily scanned over the rather high class, but modestly decorated room and wondered just where she was.

Then it hit her.

Auntie Emilia! No, no, no, no, damn it!

Maia pushed herself up into a sitting position. She had been tucked into a very warm and soft bed. The world spun a bit, but she still felt much better than before. At least she was upright. Now, she needed to leave.

“I’m glad you’re awake.”

Maia turned her head to see Frederica sitting not too far away in a chair, a pleasant if stressed smile on her face as their eyes met. Out of all the people Maia could have awakened to in her room, she was thankful it was Big Sister Frederica. She was by far one of the milder mannered and kinder members of their makeshift family. If it had been Capella or Nana, Maia would probably have tried to hide by now. 

“She really did some damage, didn’t she?” Frederica asked as she stood and came to stand by Maia’s bed. The blonde beast maid seemed on edge, but it was understandable. What they were doing didn’t mesh well with her now conflicting morals.

“Don’t remind me,” Maia grumbled. “Are you going to help with the search?”

“I’m not sure yet,” Frederica replied. “I’m not in any position to help right now without drawing suspicion, but I passed the message to Meili while everyone made sure you were taken care of. She’s still with Roswaal as to provide an alibi.”

It made sense. After all, it was Maia that wasn’t supposed to be here. Just their speaking right now was dangerous. Right on cue, Frederica adopted a much stiffer tone of voice and kindly spoke to Maia like a stranger.

“Don’t worry, Miss Snow and Lady Beatrice are currently with Lady Crusch as they discuss the investigation into the village attacks. They’ll be pleased to hear their new guest has awakened.”

With a subtle nod, Maia understood what Big Sis Fred was saying and began to crawl out of bed.

Emilia was carrying a cup of tea on a saucer. There were a few sugar cubes on said saucer, in case the girl liked her tea sweet. Betty followed close beside her, unable to contain her desire to know what exactly was going on with their unconscious guest. Emilia was thankful she hadn’t remained behind with Lady Crusch to continue their discussion on the recent meeting with Anastasia and Felt on these strange disappearances, as well as entertain their remaining guests.

Frederica had slipped away and not partaken in the conversation, stating that she wanted to get some things in order since none of this concerned her directly. Emilia and Beatrice were there at the time but quickly requested permission to leave in order to check on their newest guest since Emilia wasn’t much help when it came to trying to understand the why of these things.

Besides, being in the same room as Roswaal made her queasy.

She hadn’t expected her former sponsor’s presence, but it made sense. He was there to represent Anastasia, as shortly after throwing the Emilia camp aside, he threw his lot in with the purple haired merchant. Said merchant was present due to the pressing matter of the village business, but also so that she would know firsthand what was going on.

Since the mercenaries under her employ, including the Iron Fang, were trying to quell the vast attacks in Kararagi’s trade routes, she kept with her a single guard, a black wolf-man in a kimono. While it struck Emilia as strange that Anastasia sent her closest friends back home to deal with matters there, she could understand that being her most trusted allies it’d make sense she wanted them to deal with it.

In the end, it didn’t affect her personally anymore, even if she hadn’t forgiven him for all the trouble he put her and her friends through.

Thankfully, neither Wilhelm nor Crusch seemed upset by Emilia’s insistence to care for the injured stranger. Only Beako and her were privy to their suspicions that the girl was connected to Subaru, as apparently Frederica only caught the tail end of the encounter when her brother bounced the girl’s head off the ground. Just the sound made Emilia want to puke. She’ll probably have a goose egg.

In truth, Emilia didn’t know if the girl was awake, but she was determined to be there when she did awaken. She couldn’t let this opportunity pass her by. Thoughts of her raven-haired knight plagued her. Even if he didn’t want to see her, even if he hated her, then she’d just have to accept that.

I just want to know that he’s okay. Safe and happy…

Without us.

The delicate teacup rattled atop the saucer in her hands.

“Beako… are we making a mistake?” Emilia asked softly, her silver bangs falling over her eyes as she lowered her head.

Beatrice looked up at her contractor with sad eyes.

“I don’t know, in fact. But Betty can’t stand not knowing… Even if he hates us, I have to know.”

Emilia came to terms with the idea a while ago. If Subaru was alive, if he was out there somewhere, then she prayed and begged that he found peace. She didn’t know of anyone in her life who deserved it more.

She knew it was selfish to hope for something so foolish. The pain Subaru had gone through because of them, and even for them, was too much to stomach. Any normal person would have given up… Would have ended it all. Just thinking about it now knotted up her stomach and made tears want to prick at the corners of her eyes.

Please, let him be at peace.

They reached the bedroom door, and Emilia steeled her shaking nerves with a deep breath. There was sweat under her mask, and she could feel it trapped behind the porcelain against her skin. Be brave, Emilia!

The door opened with a click and Emilia poked her head inside with a gentle smile that she didn’t feel.

She gasped and dropped her tea, the cup and saucer shattering when she found the room empty.

Beatrice pushed past Emilia and into the room, her little eyes wide with shock and frustration. “W-Where did she go, I suppose?!”

Both girls turned towards the room’s sole window. The bedsheets were tied into a hurried rope and secured to the bedframe, leading out the open window. The girls hurried to it and felt a gentle breeze blow in the outside. Emilia stuck her head out and frantically glanced around what she could see of the manor’s grounds. Off in the distance towards the front gate, she noticed the back of their young charge climbing the fence near the edge of the property with little effort. She just crested the top and went on to the other side when Emilia pulled her head back in.

“She’s running away!” The silver-maid shouted, then covered her mouth when Betty glared at her.

“Then Betty and her contractor must go after her, I suppose!” Beatrice said and extended her hand to Emilia. “We cannot let our only lead escape, in fact.”

Emilia hesitated for a second. What if the girl really didn’t know Subaru? Would they just have been harassing a young woman? But the look in Beako’s eyes was determined and desperate. The Great Spirit loved Subaru and if there was even a hint at finding him again, Emilia knew Beako would have overturned heaven and earth to be reunited with him.

She just wasn’t sure if they deserved that mercy.

Shaking her head, she dispelled her doubts. No, she too wanted to know the truth, to understand Subaru and just know that he was okay. Even if that meant she had to step over her boundaries, she couldn’t accept it knowing she had thrown away what may be their last chance to see or speak with him again. No matter how selfish, Emilia and Beako needed to see him just one last time.

Taking Betty’s hand, Emilia nodded. She hurried out the window and used Huma to create a step midway down to break her fall. Beako crawled out of the window after her without much grace, but neither cared for that. Emilia caught her and carried the loli spirit on her back before giving chase.

Someone entered the room after those two departed, a tall blonde maid that had been hiding in a room down the hall. Frederica watched the two of them create an ice platform to hop over the gate before disappearing. She sighed but supposed there was no helping it now. They had come back far too quickly for Maia to properly escape on her own.

“Whatcha do~in’, Big Sister?” A certain blue-haired child wearing a purple scarf asked in a sing-song voice as she came up behind Frederica.

“I’m concerned for those two,” Frederica muttered. “I hope they survive what that nasty little boy has unleashed into the city. Your Papa would not be happy if something were to happen to them out there.”

Meili shuddered at both the mention of her ‘brother’ and ‘Papa’. She reached up and gingerly rubbed her throat as memories of what Subaru did to her back at the Mather’s domain replayed in her mind. Just knowing he was out there, pulling the strings from the shadows and playing them all like an orchestra just made her sick. Not because it wasn’t impressive, but because she herself was an instrument in their symphony.

“Surely they’ll be fine.” Meili said, dropping her usual way of speaking. “Papa won’t let them die. He needs them. Besides, Auntie Nana and Mama will keep Roy in line while Papa does whatever he’s doing.”

“I believe you’re right.” The blonde maid said, but her face still lowered a bit with guilt.

Be careful out there, everyone, especially you, Garf.

A cloaked female figure was idly staying out of sight near a shaded alleyway down the street, her arms crossed under her generous chest as she watched in amusement her young ally hurrying away from the Karsten Manor. The girl had spunk, but she was ruled by things like sentimentality and her own fiery emotions. It reminded her of Nana and their Master. People like that were easily swayed unless they held on to either convictions or loyalty. Thankfully, Maia's loyalty as a daughter was to her Papa, just as the figure's loyalty was to Nana second, and her Mistress first.

Oh? The half-elf and the Spirit child are following her.

It was true. She watched them descend from the top of the fence and hurry after Maia. Unfortunately for both parties, none of them were human and Maia could use wind magic. Maybe not to the effect of the Great Spirit, but Maia was still going to give them quite the chase.

The figure contemplated what to do. Her job was to watch the half-elf and spirit until 'Papa' contacted them, whether naturally or through a proxy, and to kill them and Papa if any member of the Family wound up dead until then. She didn't understand the strange orders, but that is what made them interesting. Obviously, she'd do what was asked of her, but should she be concerned about Maia's interference?

Well, hopefully it wouldn't matter. Not even one of Papa's children know the whole plan, not even her. Only Nana and her Mistress were aware. So long as there weren’t any new orders, she wouldn't worry about the unknown.

She would do as she was told and enjoy every second of it.

"Hell yeah, Auntie! Faster, faster!" Carina cackled with joy as she bounced in Patrasche's saddle with Rem seated directly behind her.

"Miss Carina, language!" Otto shouted over the wind from atop Frufroo, a mild blush across his features as Ram's arms encircled his waist as she hung on tightly.

"Both of you, quiet! Don't distract them!" The pink oni chastised from her spot on Frufroo.

Between her sister and Barusu's ground dragon, she had faith they'd be able to track their raven-haired friend once they caught his scent. Normally, she would have jabbed at the two of them and made a few remarks, but the truth was she was too worried about Barusu.

Ram set her jaw and cast her eyes ahead. The shame of what happened between her and Barusu had her cheeks burning and her stomach knotted. Even if no one said it yet, she felt partially to blame for this situation.

If she hadn't given into whatever dark desires touching him stirred, or even let Reinhard go with him outside instead of her, then none of this would have ever happened. Barusu would be home with them safe and sound and all this awkwardness could have been avoided.

The guilt gnawed at her mind. She didn't understand the changes she felt in her heart, but another part of her didn't care to. It felt the same as her feelings for Master Roswaal, yet unlike with him, she had been unable to control herself. Despite her confession to their crime of passion and their exchange of cutting words, Ram hadn't expected her sister to respond with violence. In anger, she told herself that Rem had been slipping for a while now, and this was the result.

Try as she might, Ram wasn't fully convinced, even if she craved Barusu's touch and worried for his safety.

Ram stared at Rem's back as Patrasche ran a little ahead of Frufroo. Her younger sister's shoulder length blue hair was flowing in the wind to reveal her slender white neck. The muscles were taut, which meant like Ram, her sister was clenching her jaw from the stress. Even amidst it all, Ram found her younger sister beautiful.

A new emotion came into Ram's mind with that honest observation. She hadn't experienced jealousy before, but it was obvious that is what she felt now. It was infuriating and illogical, but it was there. Ram was never one for such things, but the thought of Rem still being the one of them that catches Barusu's eye bothered her.

Why was this happening to her? She thought angrily. Why was Barusu so important to her?

"M-Miss Ram... you're crushing me! Gek!" Otto complained as he pulled at her arms at his waist with a free hand.

"My apologies," Ram grumbled and loosened her hold on the green merchant.

"I-It’s okay, Miss Ram. I, uh, I didn't expect you to be this worried." Otto replied with a good-hearted smile.

"Ram is only concerned what kind of trouble stupid Barusu will bring upon Ram, that is all."

Otto chuckled, but didn't contest Ram's words. Something told him it wouldn't be healthy while on a speeding ground dragon to challenge a temperamental oni.

The nearly empty streets zoomed past them, and any obstacles were easily dodged by the weaving and sprinting ground dragons unburdened by a carriage. A few pedestrians of less than reputable standing milled around the streets, and when the dragons had to jump over their heads to avoid a collision, they fell and shouted in outrage at their rapidly shrinking forms. Ram was tempted to curse at their idiocy for walking in front of a running ground dragon, but such a thing would be wasted now.

The ground dragons reached the candy store. While empty and closed, it was the same as when they left it. The twins exchanged a side eye but said nothing to each other right as Patrasche reared her head back and called out into the night.

"She found his scent!" Otto declared happily as he clutched his hat to his chest and breathed a sigh of relief.

Their victory was short lived, however, as the maids heard something coming from the sky above them. Raising their heads, both shared identical reactions of dread at what they saw.

"It appears she isn’t the only one! Look!" Ram shouted and pointed upwards.

Dozens of bat-like mabeasts were flying just above the rooftops and going in singular direction. The idea that mabeasts could roam the Capital this easily was reason enough for concern, but what bothered everyone even more was how the moment Patrasche caught sight of the creatures she took off like a shot through the same narrow alley beside the shop to cut the next street.

"Whoa!" Otto gasped at the ground dragon's sudden panic. "Let's go, Frufroo! After her!"

As Otto and Ram rode the ground dragon after their companions, Ram noticed just how cramped the alley was for the mounted dragons. It didn't take a genius to realize that Patrasche, like them, were able to put two and two together. Ram was aware that mabeasts were attracted to Barusu's scent, and after the White Whale battle, apparently Barusu's ground dragon was as well.

They came out the opposite end of the alley without breaking stride and once again had to rush past another group of drunken delinquents. Thankfully, neither dragon nor rider paid them any mind, for time was now of the essence.

Ram looked up at the sky and bit her lip.

Please... be okay, Barusu.

Nana was frustrated and beyond pissed off. She managed to avoid a direct confrontation with Reinhard, but things were quickly falling apart. Damn Lesath, if she had just followed the plan, then all of this could have been avoided. Despite the contingency plan, things were spiraling out of control.

Big Brother was learning too much, too quickly.

It was imperative that Nana keeps Lesath contained. The damn mutt can't be allowed to spill anymore secrets. If she did, if she told Subaru the whole truth in a moment of weakness or lust, then everything would be ruined!

Nana expected her to kidnap him, play house, and then be cowed at being caught. Big Brother was supposed to flee, to be found by his friends and led back until Carina's Mama came for him. They'd deal with Lesath, hopefully get her back on track, and Nana and her Sister would then usher him to the next stage. Curtain call, end of detour, done, fin!

But now? Now, after Lesath somehow managed to literally do the worst possible thing?

Damn it, damn it, damn it!

But Nana had the advantage once again. Only Big Brother knew her secret, and it’s not like he was in any condition to be telling tales. She’d find them, she’d get him to see reason, and then it’d be over.

Nana was sweating now as she charged like a bat out of hell using her four Unseen Hands to spider run across rooftops. If she didn't get control of the situation, then Mistress Capella was going to use her as an example for what happens when you fuck up so completely. Of course, Lesath managed to do that, of fucking course!

"I'll make that motherless freak pay for this tenfold!"

Nana charged on ahead of the mabeast swarms and found the house they had been staying in. It was intact and dark. Interesting, considering she would have thought they’d set fire to it to stall her. It’s what she would have done.

The mabeasts may be her best way to track those two problem children without alerting Big Brother, but she still had to wait for them to catch his scent. To be sure they weren’t holed up inside, Nana worked her way down and entered through the back door she knew would be unlocked. The house was undisturbed, but Nana remained as quiet as possible as she searched the house and kept her Unseen Hands coiled around her like armor.

Downstairs was clear, so she checked upstairs. The master bedroom door was ajar, so Nana gingerly pushed it open to reveal a nice mess that Lesath left. Nara irritably pinched the bridge of her nose and growled.

Her ‘niece’ was a real piece of work. It takes one to know one, I suppose.

After killing the five minutes that took Nana went outside and hoisted herself on to the rooftops again. There, she used the Unseen Hands to act as a tripod so she could get a bird’s eye view of the city. Since it was night, she was forced to rely on the swarms of mabeasts and any streets she could see from their lamplight.

She noticed a few of the creatures acting strangely in the distance, but tried not to think about how Reinhard was in that direction. Despite giving him the slip before things got out of hand, part of her wished she could see him again.

Pushing aside the loneliness, Nana focused on her mission. The moment the mabeasts caught the Witch’s scent, they’d attack with little hesitation, so Nana had to keep an eye out as she made her way towards the secret way out of the city that she and the family knew about. It was obvious they’d have to make their way there if they wanted to leave tonight, but if they somehow managed to elude her until daybreak… well, she just couldn’t let that happen.

If it did, Nana had a secret weapon that she really didn’t want to use. She reached down to clutch two glass objects strapped to her belt. Thankfully, they were still there, as were their contents.

Nana had to hurry. She couldn’t let Lesath open her big mouth anymore.

It didn't take long for Nana to spot the fleeing couple. Surprisingly, she found them faster than the mabeast swarms, but she already figured they'd head straight for the secret tunnel. Lesath was carrying Big Brother on her back, which would have been comical if not for the situation. As much of a sadist as Nana was, she cared for her Big Brother almost as much as she feared him.

She remembered a time when he carried her just like that back when their makeshift family settled in Kararagi temporarily. It had been the only time they had been affectionate, other than the typical prods and gestures siblings tossed around to get under each other's skin. Nana was struggling to learn magic at the time and accidentally passed out near a creek in the nearby forest. When she woke up, Subaru was there with the same tired eyes as her and an empty smile, watching over her while she slept under the shade of a willow tree with her head resting comfortably in his lap.

She of course tried to push him away but was unable to muster the strength. When evening came, he picked her up and carried her on his back all the way back to the first of many homes they would own together. He tucked her into bed and, for the first time, told her he was proud of his 'Nana', as he called her.

She remembered how that made her feel. Nana was angry and frustrated at the time, but some part of her held on to those words closely. After being jaded and hurt, she had refused to let people into her heart of hearts. The idea of living under Big Brother’s shadow chaffed, but she didn’t have a choice. Subaru was stronger than her and their family was loyal to him. Nana grit her teeth just thinking about it.

I’m his twin, but no one sees me.

The others didn’t care for her over her Big Brother, no matter how nice she tried to be. Maybe they sensed the truth in her heart. She could act the part, but the truth was the idea of butchering a 'friend' or 'family member' hadn't sparked any remorse or hesitation in her. It just wasn't who she was anymore, not that she could honestly say she loved anyone save for Big Brother and one more person.

As much as she hated to admit it, those few words from Subaru all the time ago warmed her in a way she hadn't liked. It reminded her of how lonely her life had been without him and made her feel like a weakling. People knew her as a menace, a criminal, or ignored her until it was too late. Nana hadn't let anything get in the way of her goals, and it left her with a cold, broken heart.

Subaru changed that after they almost killed each other.

The scars of their fateful fight marred her otherwise flawless skin beneath her clothing. Big Brother had almost broken her body entirely, something she had respected. It made the most sense, even if it had pissed her off. He destroyed her pride and enjoyed doing it until she came undone.

Then he picked her up off the ground and loved every one of her scars.

Now there he was, running around without a single thought spared for her or the promise he made to her. She was finally finding joy in her purpose beside her Big Brother, but the idea of him forgetting her still pissed her off. It made her feel like she meant nothing to him. She knew their plan, knew it was necessary, but it still felt like a splinter in her dead, black heart. After everything she sacrificed for their goal, he was the one who was able to enjoy those stupid friends of his that he could never shut up about. In his darkest nights, he never let himself be vulnerable around her even after the things they shared, the burdens they carried for each other.

Instead, she was left to hold on to their pain alone while he was able to forget and play the hero.

You hurt me, Big Brother… So now I’m going to hurt you.

It's why as she cut off their escape, she grinned with dark amusement. When Lesath attacked her head on, Nana didn't mind fighting the demi-human with near lethal force. The demi-human’s body danced around her, her thick unruly black hair spinning freely around her as she tried to slice into Nana’s flesh but only cut her dark outer robes. Finally, as Subaru tried to join in the fight and swing his sword with reckless abandon, Nana blocked and countered as her Big Brother once again struck fear into her heart when he nearly cut it out of her chest. His blade too cut into the fabric of her robes as she pulled away.

Under the damaged robes, Nana wore a form fitting full set of black leathers. The fact that the tip of his blade scored a nick in the leather across her chest made Nana laugh with excitement. She spun and swatted Subaru away like a fly. The action caused Lesath to shout and charge at her again, but Nana was able to block Lesath’s initial strikes while she brushed her long raven-black hair out of her eyes.

She had a bone to pick with both of them, so she might as well enjoy this round.

He was awakening the skills of the Black Swordsman, the natural talent of blade and yin magic engraved on his soul. The idea that her Big Brother might kill her amused her for more than one reason, the first being how pissed he'd be when he realized the truth.

As much as she wanted to get under his skin, Nana knew she couldn't allow that. Their plan, their Ordeal, came first. As Big Brother's regulator and enforcer, second only to Mistress Capella, she needed to show her love for their goal. She had to regain control of their plan now that his contingency was falling apart.

Her Unseen Hands threw Lesath hard enough to send her across the street. At the same time, Subaru was held back by a single Hand that he was able to block by instinct. A glimmer of self-assurance crossed his face before Nana grew the Hand to encapsulate him once again, or she tried to since the dark-haired young man slipped away before the fingers closed.

Damn it.

Nana didn't want to kill him, but it's not like death was permanent for Subaru Natsuki.

Their two-sided assault was a good plan, in theory, but Lesath was distracted in order to make sure Subaru was mostly unharmed. Nana was aware Lesath was using Big Brother's position in Nana's black heart to her advantage, but it was best to let her think that until she truly needed to exploit that line of thinking. The mabeasts should be arriving soon, and by that time Nana will have a bit more wiggle room.

Subaru kept trying a frontal assault. At one point, he got close enough to almost score a hit on her since Lesath was supporting him. The demi-human couldn't see the Unseen Hands, so she remained light on her feet and kept moving, using her throwing knives to attack from a distance. To Nana, that was both stupid and smart, since blindly getting too close meant death. The disadvantage was Lesath would be limited to deal with the mabeasts.

Even if Big Brother told Lesath about the flying horde, they would still be outnumbered soon.

Nana created an opening by launching two Hands at Subaru and knocking him several paces down the street and into a streetlamp hard enough to bend it at an angle. He screamed out in pain because apparently the impact must have broken something. Lesath predictably tried to attack to draw Nana's attention away from her savior, but Nana used all four Hands to attack the demi-human. Lesath managed to keep her distance for a few seconds before she was caught by the Hands.

She could hear the mabeasts' wings rapidly approaching as she wrapped a Hand around Lesath's throat and squeezed. Let the creatures distract Big Brother while she puts the mutt to sleep. Feeling confident this would be over soon; Nana snuck a glance between black locks from the corner of her eye towards where the crumpled Subaru lay.

He was gone.

"Shit!" Nana hissed.

Something sharp pierced her right shoulder from behind. Nana shouted and released one of her Hands from Lesath's body to angrily swipe behind her in an arc. She heard something hit and a grunt of pain as the Hand tore through the front of the brick buildings behind her like children's blocks.

Bricks, glass, and wood flew in the air after Subaru from the force of Nana’s swing. He landed hard and rag dolled again, but he was grinning like the cocky bastard people thought he was. That pissed her off even more. How the hell had he gotten behind her without her knowing?

She underestimated him again.

Subaru held two daggers in his hands, one was his own and the other, coated in her blood…

“Got you,” Subaru said triumphantly as the sound of his voice warbled.

Lesath’s poison! Nana gasped as she struggled to remain on her feet. Three needles had put Maia under, that one blade would be enough for a human like Nana. Damn these two idiots!

Nana had no choice. She couldn’t allow the battle to end this way, she had to…

Nana muttered something under her breath as her free Unseen Hand snaked directly for Subaru’s head.

One more sharp pain pierced her abdomen.

Looking back with wide, murderous eyes, Nana glared at Lesath who had her one free arm extended from having thrown a volley of needles she kept hidden up her sleeves When Nana released one Hand from Lesath, she had accidentally let the suffocating demi-human’s left arm hang free. Apparently, only one had hit the mark since her mind lacked the vital oxygen it needed to properly focus. Such a stupid, rookie mistake!

Then again, she hadn’t expected Big Brother to put up this much of a fight, either.

Nana fell to her knees, the act of remaining conscious becoming a war of attrition.

The mabeasts were swarming her body now. She could feel them collide with and force her over on her side as the creatures bit and tore into her flesh, but she could also hear them doing the same to Lesath and Subaru who was trying to fight them off to the best of his limited abilities. Nana could hear him screaming and felt confident that she had the opening she needed.

The Unseen Hands dropped an unmoving Lesath, who may or may not be dead. Nana wasn’t sure nor did it matter if she could pull this off.

Subaru saw her fall and shouted her name. His ally was undefended and unable to fight off the mabeasts that tried to feast on her body that smelled of Nana’s miasma. He charged for her, bloodied and chewed up, and tried to protect Lesath with his body after he slashed the mabeasts that attacked her. It was possible Subaru would survive this, Nana knew, so she did the last thing she had the mind to do.

Using all four of her Unseen Hands, she reached out and grabbed each one of his limbs. He screamed as she twisted and broke the bones to leave him as a useless lump of flesh. She hadn’t managed to fully break the bones of his left arm by the time she lost consciousness.

She’d take the view of her two opponents being eaten alive with her to the grave as she shared their fate. By the time the others would arrive, they’d already be dead.

Chapter Text

A white-haired figure landed on the ledge of a window that overlooked a rather well-maintained alleyway, at least by the city’s standards. The size of the alleyway almost made it a side street, but still far less populated this time of day. He made sure that no one was aware of his presence before he pushed the window open, gracefully hopped over the cushioned bench beneath the window, and dropped inside. Turning to close the glass entrance, he ignored the huff of annoyance behind him until he locked the clasp and dropped his hood.

“Great, you’re back~tsu.” A young, tanned boy grumbled as he hung upside down from the rather expensive crystal chandelier in the center of the office. The delicate chain groaned under the strain of the boy’s weight as he gently swayed side to side, his long, blood tipped hair reaching towards the rare decorative rug that covered most of the floor but not touching its ornate threading.

The white-haired man turned to face his guest and smiled pleasantly as he removed the obscuring cloak from his slender shoulders. His pale skin was almost as white as porcelain without any flushing from exertion. With white gloved hands, the man reached up and straightened out his silverish white-hair and the long ponytail he wore. Though he wasn’t the vain sort, he double checked his pristine outfit to make sure it hadn’t gotten anything on to reveal that he had just parkoured across the Commercial District. Much like his mother, he was partial to the complementary colors of white, purple, and black.

He wore a black undershirt, a white bow tie around his neck, a white overcoat and white pants with purple accents, polished black shoes, and a black earring in his left ear. When his Papa had sewn this outfit for his new position, it had been a moment of deep gratitude for more than one reason. Not only was it a rare gift from his father, but it was given in honor of his mother.

The young man’s amethyst eyes shined briefly as he remembered the moment tenderly, the sentimentality earning a disgruntled noise from the tanned boy.

“Lost in your head again, Pollux~tsu?” He asked.

Pollux breathed a slight chuckle and nodded, a faint blush on his cheeks. “Y-Yes, I’m sorry, Roy. I just reeeally miss the family, you know how it is.”

Roy grimaced, not wishing to bring up his personal feelings about his own siblings and their fate.

As if he just now noticed Roy hanging there, Pollux gasped and pointed at the Sin Archbishop. “Get down from there, that was not cheap to have imported here from Gusteko! Papa will be soooo mad if you break it!”

With a huff, Roy did as he was asked and landed on all fours in the middle of the room to spare the decoration. As he stood up, Pollux dashed to stabilize the crystals. Roy glared at Pollux’s fretting and sighed out of boredom.

At least, he wouldn’t be bored for long.

“Oh!” Pollux said as he turned to the shorter boy and smiled that irritatingly happy smile. “Auntie Nana has orders for you!”

Roy flinched at the mention of his ‘Auntie’.

“W-What does she want~tsu?”

Pollux’s pleasant smile was now accompanied by a sorrowful weight behind his eyes.

“Lesath has gone rogue, just as Papa thought she might. So, we need mabeasts to swarm the city to both track Papa, and keep everyone busy while Nana retrieves my Big Sister. Think you can handle that?”

Roy blinked a few times, a bead of sweat rolling down the side of his face. He wasn’t stupid, but the solution Pollux and Nana proposed certainly sounded like it.

But maybe this was an opportunity.

“W-We don’t know how such a huge swarm will react unless-“

“Don’t wooorry about it, Papa already informed us that if this were to happen, that we should approach it with deadly force as to not draw suspicion to him. Not to mention, it’d be out of character for the mabeasts to swarm like this and not hunt, riiiight? Especially because too many people are aware Papa’s scent attracts their hunger.” Pollux said, though he didn’t sound happy about it one bit.

Roy couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Suba- erm, Papa not only thought about this, but was fine with deadly force? Had he lost his mind?

Of course he had, Roy reminded himself. He lost it a long time ago, well before Lye consumed his name back in Priestella.

“Papa will be fine.” Pollux said, but more to himself. “Nana will bring Lesath home and Carina can take care of herself. Out of all of us, she is probably the strongest next to Mama and Nana, so surely-“

“Fine, we’ll do it~tsu!” Roy said as he made his way to the window and climbed out to reach the roof, tired of listening to Pollux worry about their monster of a ‘Papa’ like he was some whelp.

Taking a deep breath, Pollux pulled out the Metia given to him by his Auntie and readied himself to make the call. Calling Mama with this news made a pit form in his stomach because he knew this wouldn’t end well.

Why can’t we do this after we get Lesath back?

Then he thought about how Mama may react to them keeping this from her until then and he shuddered a bit. Honesty was the best policy with Capella Emerada Lugunica-Natsuki. With all the stress and worry getting to him, Pollux fell back to the dourer thoughts that he tried to always hide behind his smile.

“I need a drink.” Pollux mumbled to himself as he made his way across the room.

He approached the liquor cabinet on the other side of the room and opened the double doors with casual familiarity. The smell of cedar wood wafted out to caress his face as the dark grained doors swung open to reveal a collection of crystal glasses both stemmed and short beside a few unopened bottles of Kararagi plum wine and a decanter of Vollachian brandy. Taking one of the short whiskey glasses out of the cupboard, Pollux conjured a palm sized ball of ice in his gloved hand and plunked it into the empty glass. He then took off the decanter’s stopper, poured himself a glass, then replaced the stopper before taking a pleasant sip.

The burning in the back of his throat reminded him of the night forever burned into his memory, thanks to his Papa. A village of innocent people up in flames, taking two of the people he loved most with them, including his dearest sister. He could feel the smoke irritating his throat and making his lungs itch every time he thought about it, and Pollux thought about it every time he drank brandy.

His Papa didn’t enjoy drinking, but Pollux remembers hearing his Mama having a few now and then. She was such a lightweight and quite silly after only a couple of glasses. It was funny, really. Back then, Pollux hadn’t realized what kind of pain lived behind his parents’ smiles. He couldn’t understand why Papa cried or coddled his older sister. While he had no memories of his own of her, Maia, Frederica, and Papa did. Even if he had been jealous at the time, he understood the truth now.

A single tear rolled down Pollux’s pale cheek and fell onto the ice in his glass. Rather than break down as he stared into his brandy, Pollux chose to smile a bit brighter. His beloved family already shed more than their fair share of tears. It didn’t feel right to add his own.

So instead, he’ll smile enough for everyone.

Taking another sip, Pollux almost didn’t hear someone slip into his office quietly. This didn’t concern the tall, white-haired gentleman because he knew this game. Pollux just pretended he was ignorant.

“Sne…Sne…Sne…” A certain someone whispered a little too loudly as they ‘snuck’ up on him.

Pollux’s smile grew just a little as the melancholy settled into his heart. He couldn’t bring himself to ruin his new guest’s fun. It was painful, but he wasn’t as cruel as his Papa.

“Waaah!” A young girl cried as Pollux felt a weight latch itself on to his back and a pair of thin arms encircled his neck while thin legs wrapped around his waist.

“Oh my! You got me, Castor!” Pollux feigned a gasp and exclaimed, much to the delight of his much younger looking ‘twin’ sister. “Silly! We’ll play later, okaaay? Bubby’s got important business to handle yet with Mama, sooo let me handle that first, okay?”

Castor pouted and bounced on his back like an escaped ape, which made Pollux just chuckle even more. Not seeing she was going to change her Bubby’s mind, Castor dropped down on to the carpet and stood up to curiously stare at the drink in his hand. When she tried reaching for it, he held it above her head since he was much taller than his fellow silver-haired sibling.

Though he cared for this Castor, it still hurt Pollux deeply when he looks upon her face. Her flawlessy pale, youthful face and large ameythyst eyes were just like his own, but her long, flowing hair sported much more silver as it cascaded down her back and face all the way to her knees where it curled just a bit on the ends. Much like her Bubby, she was also very slender and petite, but didn’t seem to get the same height as he. To her constant annoyance, Castor’s head only came up to Pollux’s chest, but that never stopped his energetic sister from climbing him like a tree when she wanted something.

Caster could not speak proper sentences, and mostly gave nonverbal responses when she didn’t vocalize to get his attention. When Mama and Papa brought her back, there were some things that couldn’t be helped.

Since she took such a liking to Pollux, Roy, and Papa, it was up to him to take care of her. Thanks to the Gemini Company’s success, they had servants to care for her when he was unavailable to do so, however, she always preferred him almost exclusively. The outfit he chose for her today was an adorable white kimono with purple dragon accents along the entirity of it’s length. She wore it loosely enough so that she could still be her wild self, and no matter how much he tried, she refused to wear any footwear.

So, here he was, facing off against a sibling that is technically older than him, yet easily looks much younger than him in every regard.

She was, as Papa pointed out, a loli.

“Oi, oi! No alcohol for you, Sissy! You’re definitely not ready for that!” Pollux said with a stern frown.

Castor reached for it on her tippy toes, her cheeks puffed out in agitation. She didn’t need to speak to him to know what she was thinking. If we’re twins, why can’t I drink Bubby’s drinks, too?

Pollux’s face softened a bit as he reached up and patted his sister’s head lovingly.

She settled down, but her mute pout remained. Under the tender affection of her beloved brother, however, Castor’s pout eventually vanished and was replaced with a sharp, big-toothed grin and a dusting of pink across her cheeks.

 Finally able to relax, Pollux took another swallow of his brandy before walking to his desk to place the glass atop a quartz coaster and steeled his nerves. It was time. Plastering on his trademark pleasantly innocent smile, he pulled out the Metia.

“Pleeease let her be in a good mood...” He muttered.

When Pollux flipped open the Metia in the shape of an elegantly carved clamshell, he wasn’t sure what to expect at first. He waited approximately two seconds before someone on the other end picked up and started shouting into the mirror.

“Nana! What’s happened? Where is my Subaru?!” A fiery young blonde woman demanded, her angry red face filling the glass. When she noticed it was Pollux, her distaste was palpable, but at least the screaming stopped. “And why are you calling, Pollux?”

Wow, she actually used my name.

Usually that honor was reserved for Carina, or sometimes Maia.

Castor, who was quietly slipping behind Pollux, frowned sadly at Mama’s reception of her beloved Bubby.

“Hey there, Mama. Just wanted to keep you updated on the situation.” Pollux said, then nervously scratched his cheek with a single finger. “Uh, Lesath...”

Capella narrowed her eyes and growled softly, making Pollux flinch. She leaned closer to the Metia until the mirror was filled with just her glare.

“Oh? Don’t keep Mama in suspense. Tell this wonderful, lovely lady what that little tramp did.”

Pollux’s smiling face started to sweat. “Well, she kidnapped Papa-”

“She did what?!” Capella screamed; the mirror was shaking as a tic mark appeared on her temple. Then her hands steadied, and her tone took a one-eighty. “But Maia and Nana were able to stop her, riiiight~? My Subaru is now back with the rest of those stupid meatbags of his, isn’t that right, Pollux?”

He smiled blankly in response, fighting the rising panic a small animal would feel in the jaws of a predator. So focused on the tiny mirror, he failed to notice the delicate hands of a quiet girl reaching behind him for his brandy glass.

“Now, tell Mama she doesn’t have to worry about some demi-human hussy taking advantage of her man.” Capella’s sickly-sweet voice held a jagged edge that would have made most men fear for their lives as she leaned back to show her whole face and upper torso. If Pollux couldn’t see the seething rage building in Capella’s eyes, he would have thought she was cooing like a real loving mother.

Of course, this interaction was the exact reason Nana had pawned the Metia and responsibility on to Pollux.

“You’re not going to make Mama mad, are you?”

Both siblings flinched as if she were raising her hand to beat them senselessly.

I reeeally hate you right now, Auntie Nana.

“Don’t worry, Mama, it’s under control!” Pollux said pleasantly and not at all like he was terrified. “Nana is handling it!”

Silence.

Castor quietly lifted the glass into the air and pulled it to her chest without Pollux noticing.

It felt like an eternity passed before Capella responded rather well to the news. The way she smiled gave Pollux hope.

“What do you mean... Handling it?”

Or not.

“She plans to punish Lesath the moment they get back-”

“You mean that little tramp still has my Subaru?!” Capella shrieked and dropped the Metia.

Pollux was left staring up at the ceiling of some underground chamber. Out of his line of sight, Capella was unleashing hell. She screamed, apparently breathed fire, and smashed several boulders if the flames, flying earth, and explosive rumbling were any indication. Through it all, he could hear several curses and words directed at his demi-human sibling like ‘homewrecker’, ‘meat collection’, ‘fucking mutt’, and ‘I will rip her heart out and feed it to her’. Pollux even heard a few poor unfortunate souls scream, though thankfully the only thing he saw was a little bit of blood splatter across the mirror.

Capella picked the red stained Metia back up and held it close to her flushed, snarling face. She screeched, “That bitch! I’m coming over there right now!”

Pollux’s heart stopped for a moment. “Wait! Mama, you can’t! The Ordeal!”

“Oh?” Capella hissed and ignored the stinging tears that moistened her crimson eyes. “And who are you to tell me that I can’t protect my Subaru, your Papa, from that failure whose biggest goal in life is to steal him from me?!”

Pollux pulled on the collar of his shirt. It was getting a little too hot. “Well, Mama, surely Papa wouldn’t let someone like Lesath take advantage of him.”

Another stretch of silence.

Then...

“You’re right.” Capella said a little too calmly. “Your Papa isn’t like the rest of the worthless meat.”

A sudden chill ran down Pollux’s spine.

“Which is why I’m going to remind that tramp… Who. The. Fuck. He. Married!”

The Metia suddenly disconnected.

Pollux stared at the now dark Metia until it slipped from his fingers and hit the ground.

“Tsu~…” Roy muttered from the window ledge, having returned at some point during the call and wishing he hadn’t. The Sin Archbishop lowered himself to the floor, curled up in a ball, and fearfully scooted himself underneath the bench beneath the window.

Castor held a now empty brandy glass, her cheeks burning as she gnawed on the ball of ice she in her other free hand with her sharp teeth.

 The white-haired male then fell to his knees and let his arms hang limply at his sides. Looking up towards the ceiling, Pollux had no words for what was coming.

Well, maybe just a couple.

“Heh… We’re fucked.”

Every time he was returned to his personal hell; he could hear their voices.

“I love you, I love you, I love you…”

“… Believer of Love…”

“One day, I’ll…”

“… a farce, a… violation of my rights… A disgusting, ignorant fool…”

Subaru sat there like a statue, his mind on the edge of breaking. Gnashing teeth and ripping claws. Flesh torn from bones, blood painting the faces of vicious, gluttonous vermin. His screams as he felt it all atop the weight of failure.

Chewing, slicing, rending, blood, pain-

He could still feel them clawing their way through his body like the whispers of a phantom’s fingers through every tissue, every nerve scraped raw and severed before being replaced anew.

Meat rended from bone as shadows shattered his bones to make the marrow easier to reach.

Subaru’s body began to shake and his face twitched as his mind came undone.

Unaware of his plight, Lesath leaned back into the loveseat beside him and smiled with half-lidded eyes. "Can I lay my head on your shoulder again? It felt so nice being close to you."

Lesath gasped the moment he screamed and wailed hopelessly, clutching his head against the phantom sensations that still set fire to his nerves. It had only been a few moments ago that he felt every bite, every chunk of flesh torn from his body. His body felt no pain now, but his mind couldn’t handle the sudden deliverance from his most recent jaunt into hell. Lesath cradled his head against her chest as he collapsed into a sobbing mess.

She was scared, but so was he. Terror ruled over every part of his consciousness for a little while longer while his new reality sank in. Behind the haze of fear, everything felt and sounded dull, as if coming through a filter. He felt his body with his hands, checking over every part of him frantically while Lesath begged him to talk to her, to tell her what was going on. It took him a long while, but eventually he was able to see he had once again returned by death.

When he came to terms with the fact that he was alive, and once again sitting with Lesath on the loveseat, he sat up and hugged her tightly. As this repeated reality set in its entirety, he needed human contact right now, to feel something comforting to chase away the memories.

Even if it was the arms of a sociopathic demi-human.

“Su~Su, what happened? Please tell me, I’ll help you any way I can.” She cooed as she stroked his hair affectionately and held him close, her white tipped ears pressed flat atop her head. “A-Are you hurt?”

“Yea- No, I’m fine… now.” He said as he got ahold of his emotions and separated from the demi-human girl. Her pale lupine eyes followed his every move and her spiky black tail was curled up over her thighs with worry.

They were alive, both of them. There was still time to save themselves, but…

How the hell were they going to do that? Nana somehow managed to find them faster this last time around. Had the fire covered their tracks, or had it just been a fluke? It wouldn’t make sense unless she could track them without the mabeasts, since she found them last time before they did. If that were the case, how would they get away?

Maybe by going underground?

A soft hand caressed his cheek, bringing him back to the here and now.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Lesath asked as she smiled reassuringly, her tail still curled.

A shadow fell over Subaru’s face. He did want to talk, in fact.

I’m tired of being in the dark, dying for reasons I don’t understand.

His heart felt hollow now, numb to the world. Maybe he was just coming to terms with his recent death, but that didn’t change the fact that he had died for this woman three times now. How much longer was he willing to go through this, only to fail without ever knowing why they were being hunted? Subaru couldn’t stand it any longer. His fear of death, his need to save Lesath and be a hero in his own right, to escape the shadow of his old self- all these things had propelled him forward into the lion’s den.

I was even willing to abandon my daughter.

His stomach lurched and his heart clenched as if grasped by an Unseen Hand. What the hell was wrong with him? Even if he was a coward, even if he was terrified of dying, how could he ever have just been okay with that?

Enough was enough. He needed a different strategy, and for that he needed knowledge. He couldn’t be blind any more.

“Tell me about Nana.” He said coldly as he met Lesath’s startled gaze.

Lesath froze from the sudden change in his demeanor, and the realization that things weren’t going to go the way she wanted them to. She tried to slip away from him, but his hand gripped her wrist tightly and kept her near him.

“L-Let me go!” Lesath said as she tried her best not to cry.

“Tell me about Nana! I refuse to let you go until you start answering my questions!” Subaru shouted, his pupils a dark dot in a sea of white in his nasty eyes. “She’s coming to kill us, and I want to know why!”

Lesath yelped at the sudden force he used to pull her back to him. He gripped her upper arms and squeezed, but it didn’t hurt her. She stared into his eyes fearfully and struggled to get away, crying out as she did so.

“No! No, no, no, it wasn’t supposed to be like this!” Lesath sobbed.

Subaru heard her and his eyes widened. That’s how she felt the first time, when she died in his arms and their hearts had been one.

“I-I only wanted one night… One night to feel l-loved… Is that so wrong?!” Lesath screamed as she shoved him off her, freeing herself from his grasp.

Both of them stood up, their knees hitting the coffee table and knocking over the bottle of wine. It slowly emptied its contents across the wooden surface and began pattering on to the floor like the river of blood he knew they’d both spilled for the each other. Neither of them cared.

“This was our time! My one chance to be with the person who understands me!” Lesath cried as she stepped back. “Now… Now it’s ruined!”

“Nothing is ruined yet! I need to understand what is going on, and then maybe we can get out of this alive!” Subaru shouted. “Don’t you get that?! We’re going to die!”

“No!” She spun away and pulled at her hair, threatening to tear out huge chunks in her emotional turmoil. “I’ll kill the bitch and then we-“

“We’ll leave.”

Lesath paused and slowly turned to look back at Subaru with disbelief.

“What… do you mean?” She asked, hope creeping into her despair.

“I’ll get us out of this.” Subaru said with a determined glare. “I’ll save us both. I made you a promise and I refuse to go back on it.”

“W-When did you…?”

“It doesn’t matter.” He said dismissively.

Lesath’s tear-streaked face slowly split into a sad, twisted smile.

“But you have to tell me about Nana, everything you know. What can she do, how can she track us, who is she, and what does she want?”

Lesath was quiet for a second, then said, “She’s hunting us. I betrayed her, Su~Su, and now she’s going to kill both of us. I knew she was after you, but-”

Subaru cut her off. He felt it, the flicker in her inner fire that told him what he already suspected.

“She protected me once.”

The demi-human hitched.

It was true. Nana had protected him from the mabeast swarms in his second loop here, but when she was dying, she hadn’t hesitated to end him as what he assumed was revenge. It happened again the third time. She may not have protected him, but she had treated him like a nuisance and focused more on incapacitating Lesath than killing him. Both times he felt that as easily as she killed them when she was backed into a corner, it was weird she didn’t do it quickly.

She had been more focused on stopping them, capturing them, not killing them… until she herself was staring death in the face.

So now that left Subaru with an important question.

“Why are you lying to me?”

Lesath’s eyes widened as she was visibly beginning to sweat.

“Who is Nana and what does she want?”

“Su~Su, please, don’t…”

“I need to know, Lesath! I am tired of being in the dark!” He shouted and advanced on her, causing her to cower. “You have no idea the kind of bullshit I’ve had to deal with up until now because no one will tell me anything!”

“Why do you need to know anything?” Lesath as she hung her head and clenched shaking fists. “I can’t tell you anything. Why can’t you just accept that?”

“Because I know you can, Lesath! How can I trust you anymore if you won’t tell me anything? You know more than you’re willing to tell, and it’s going to get us killed. I know you care for me, but can’t you see that I can’t-?”

“You mean you won’t!” She shrieked, startling him. Her lupine eyes pierced his like heart like knives. The black fur of her tail was sticking out and her white-tipped ears were up. Something happened to her inner fire. It became… darker, colder. The pleasantness was vanishing. “You’re going to stay here and suffer! You’ll suffer and fall apart until your demons take you away from us all over again! Don’t you get it?”

Lesath gripped her hair and screamed at the floor.

“This is exactly what happened last time!”

Then she was gone, running from him and up the stairs. Subaru jumped up and called after her, but she wouldn’t listen. By the time he made it to the foot of the stairs, he heard a door slam shut hard enough to stir the dust from the cracks in the ceiling. Rushing up the steps, he noticed that the only door that was shut was the door to her grandparents’ bedroom. Had she gone in there, instead of her room?

He pressed his ear to the door and could hear her sobbing.

“Lesath? Please, come out!” He called through the thick door as he banged his knuckles against it.

She didn’t respond to him but continued to sob and moan in despair.

He tried to open the door, but of course it was locked.

“I’m not going anywhere without you, you know!” Subaru said. He was determined to get her to understand. “If we stay here, that woman will probably kill us both! Is that what you want?”

Still no answer.

Damn it, what am I going to do? Frustrated, Subaru sat against the bedroom door and slid to sit on the floor. This all felt hopeless, how was he going to get her to come with him? He had a couple of hours before that crazy woman with the shadow hands appears, maybe he could fight her off?

Right, that worked out so well last time.

How the hell was she doing that shadow hand crap anyway? It had to be magic, obviously. Did that mean she had yin magic like him?

Not that it was going to help him now. He didn’t know how to defend himself properly, but he couldn’t abandon Lesath either. In his heart, he truly didn’t think she deserved that fate.

So, what was he going to do?

Maybe Nana would… talk to him?

At this rate, she’d find them before they even left the house. A dark train of thought led him to the idea of them sharing tea downstairs and discussing their differences just before she used him to repaint the walls for forgetting the sugar. Yeah, that seemed about right…

Subaru pulled at his hair in frustration.

“I just want to save you, Lesath. Save us both.” The former young knight's words echoed within the empty hallway. “But I’m going in blind and it… it hurt us both pretty bad. I know you won’t believe me, but I’ve seen what’s going to happen and it’s not pretty. That’s why I got to understand. If I do, then maybe… I can think of a way out of this.”

The door creaked against his back as another weight pressed into it.

“Sometimes, it’s better to put your trust in someone than to never trust at all, you know. Now, I need you to trust me, Su~Su. If you know the truth… then you won’t be able to save either of us.”

The old feeling of dread creeped up the back of mind like a close friend.

“What… do you mean?” Subaru asked. “How can I go on like this? I’m… I’m useless and empty as I am now. I need… I need to become whole again, don’t I?”

Lesath was silent for a while, but finally said, “Your past won’t make you whole… if it’s the rot inside you.”

Subaru blinked in frustration at first but remained quiet. In a way, it made sense. A life blissfully unaware of his pain and terrible deeds was certainly appealing, especially if it meant that he could escape this puppet show that was his life. He shivered.

Darkness caressed his mind.

“How slothful… Believer of Love.” Then the same slithering voice asked from some far away place, yet sounded like it was crouched right in front of him, “…why do you pretend that your mind is broken?”

Because I’m a monster, deep down. I’m afraid… I’m afraid of the person I was, of who I really am.

“Unfortunately for you, I’m the biggest parasite of all.” Subaru said to a dying girl in a burning village.

I… I don’t want to be ‘Subaru Natsuki’.

“Papa, why do you have a knife?”

The idea that he was capable of the terrible things he could recall frightened him. If he regained his memories, would he become an entirely different person?

Then again, was he happy as he was now? He felt like an imposter wearing the meatsuit of Rem’s hero, not… not himself. Not Subaru, the one he saw in the mirror back at the Astrea Manor. It’s why he wanted so badly to escape with Lesath, right? To just be the Subaru Natsuki he was right now, a new Subaru free of the expectations and the shadow of his past self’s accomplishments, to be the savior of the girl who felt the same way about her own past.

To escape the curse of dying over and over again.

“…You coward…”

Is that cowardly?! Subaru screamed in his own mind as he gripped his pulsing skull. Who would want to go through that kind of hell?!

“Do you get it now, Su~Su? Why I refuse to tell you anything?” Lesath said in a muffled voice, fighting back her tears. “If I do… It’ll ruin the person who can truly love me.”

Subaru curled up tighter, guilt gnawing at his insides like the mabeasts not too long ago.

I don’t want to be a monster. I don’t want to be that ‘Subaru Natsuki’.

He felt so frustrated and angry with himself. Was he fooling himself? He saw how Lesath acted against Nana and could remember what she did to him. By all accounts, any sane person would reject and hate Lesath. They would call her a monster, a broken thing that needs thrown away or locked up, just like they would him. It was the only thing that made sense, right?

Yet he chose to save her. He was prepared to die to do so, but now that manic haze was gone and replaced with cold, hard reality. If his life wasn’t hanging in the balance, if he wasn’t doomed to suffer eternally over their shared fate, would he still be accepting of her?

Could he love the monster inside the girl and save her, truly save her, if he gained nothing from doing so?

Part of him didn’t think so.

His head hurt so bad, and he could taste blood running down from his nose and over his lips, but he didn’t care. In his mind, he deserved to hurt because right now his mind was giving him an out that made him sick.

I could walk out the door right now.

He’d be abandoning Lesath to her fate, one that could be worse than death, but he would live. He could go back to the Astrea Manor, apologize to Rem and Ram, and hold his little Carina in his arms again. Just a few seconds to walk down the stairs, throw on his coat, and run out the door. If he did…

"You should have just gone home." The woman said as two of her shadowy arms fended off any stray mabeasts that tried to attack her or her prisoner.

It’s what Nana told him to do, it was the easy way out. He could probably make it. If Nana wasn’t trying to kill him, if she was just trying to capture him and Lesath, then maybe he could get away and find help. Reinhard would probably be looking for him, right? He just needed to find him.

Maybe that was why he kept dying, because he tied himself to this crazed woman who treated him like her personal savior.

Another set of grand, unrealistic expectations on the shoulders of a pathetic, empty boy.

Then what about Rem? I was her hero once… how many times did I die to protect her?

No, he couldn’t have… He couldn’t have been that altruistic. Monsters have ulterior motives, they are never so kind, right? It’s like with Lesath; she tricked and drugged him to use him… Maybe he was the same way.

Then his mind wandered to his daughter, his little Carina, and his heart broke.

Did I use her, my own child, like a tool? Did I trick her into loving me? I was ready to throw her away, after all…

I don’t deserve her… I don’t deserve any of Subaru’s friends.

A memory surfaced and played across his thoughts along with an ice pick of pain.

“I don’t deserve warmth, Papa.” Carina cried into the wool of his black sweater.

“What are you talking about? Your Mama and I were worried about you.”

“But… But isn’t Mama upset with me? Don’t you… hate me, Papa?”

Subaru’s tears flowed down his cheeks as he wept.

“Look at the Ulgarm, Carina.” He said, and she did nervously. They still frightened her. “To everyone, they are vicious and can easily destroy anyone who crosses them. To their pack, they are a family. Each of them looks out for each other and take care of one another. To them, it’s the pack against the world.”

Carina looked up at her Papa, not comprehending where this was going.

“What I’m saying is, you’re part of the family. We make mistakes, we fix them, and we try to always take care of each other. Our family is the most important thing in the world. Like the mabeasts, it’s us against the world, so when you get home, you’re going to apologize and make things right with Mama. After that, you’ll do better, and everything will be okay.”

Why? Why would he say these things? He was a monster, a creature that used death as a tool to manipulate and take what he wanted.

So, why…?

Carina nodded and cuddled against Papa’s chest. “Do you love me, Papa?”

His heart clenched. How he missed her… It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair! Why did she have to get stuck with such a miserable, worthless-?

“You know, I was unlovable once.” Papa said in the same bored tone, except this time it was twinged with a deep sadness. “I was the king of misery and fear, unable to truly love or be loved in return. I did terrible things to everyone around me, including your Mama and Auntie Emilia. It took a very long time and a lot of help from someone special to me, but I was able to find love. I was able to change, at least a little bit.”

Papa, or rather Subaru Natsuki, looked up towards the pitch-black sky. “It felt impossible to change, and I struggle everyday with my demons, but to me, it’s worth it. Sounds melodramatic as hell, but if you put in time and effort then you’ll find love, and even if you can’t, your Papa will always love you. Promise.”

Subaru’s mind was reeling. That couldn’t have been the real him, right? Who the hell could believe those lies, to love the monster he had become?

“When I woke up, I vowed I’d take you away and we’d have that future… But you were already gone. You vanished and… it destroyed me!” Rem buried her face in his chest, but refused to let him go. “Don’t tell me you weren’t my hero! I know you’re not perfect, I know you won’t be the same man who thawed my heart, but I know how I feel, and I know what you mean to me! You will always be my hero, no matter how much you change!”

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry...” Subaru whispered past his muffled sobs.

“... Su~Su?”

He was so tired, so scared of everything in his life that he couldn’t hardly bear it. Now it was threatening to destroy him. He couldn’t fight this anymore; he couldn’t live another day like this… He couldn’t save Lesath. He couldn’t be a father, a friend, or a lover. Those positions were too precious to be wasted on him. Because Subaru Natsuki…

Subaru Natsuki is an imposter.

Subaru reached for his shoulder and dug his fingernails into the bloodied shirt once again. The pain helped ground him because it was better than the hell inside. He wanted to be different, to be better than who he was. He didn’t want to be a monster. The person he wanted to be…

He wanted to be someone who could stand against the pain.

I did once… because Rem believed in me.

Subaru wiped his messy face with his sleeve and glared into the empty air. He was selfish, weak, and completely pathetic. But Rem believed that he could save everyone, and himself. Right now, Lesath needed him. She needed a hero and whether it be her broken spirit or fate, that role had fallen to him tonight.

“… Are you still… still there, Su~Su?” Lesath whimpered fearfully.

“Y-Yeah.” He tried to sound reassuring, to dispel the sorrow and anger that he felt. “I told you, didn’t I? I’m not going anywhere without you.”

“Does… Does that mean you will leave the past behind?”

Subaru leaned his head back against the door.

“W-Will you… accept that?”

“I accept you, Lesath.” Subaru said, and he meant it. He really did. If the old him was any indication, then he still had the ability to love others as a monster. So, if they could love him, why couldn’t he show Lesath the love she needed?

Even if it wasn’t the kind she wanted.

“But I can’t save you as I am.” Subaru said, his voice low and steady.

Silence.

“I have to remember. It’s the only way forward.”

Then…

Lesath’s weight was lifted from the door.

Panic took hold of him as she stumbled to push himself up from the floor. He nearly slipped but managed to jump to his feet and start banging on the door.

“Don’t do this, Lesath! Listen to me! I have to face my demons, don’t you see? I have to change! If I don’t, then how can I save you from yours?”

Not a sound came from the other side of the door for what felt like an eternity.

Then came a sharp click. The door swung open slowly to reveal a dark room and the figure of the beautiful demi-human on the other side, her pupils dilated, and her skin flushed.

Subaru’s eyes widened in horror.

She was covered in blood and panting. There was a knife in her hands, but he didn’t see any visible wounds on her body. A terrible smell wafted from inside the room.

If it wasn’t her blood…

“Do you want to see what I hate about myself, Su~Su?” Lesath asked huskily as she stepped aside and disappeared into the shadows.

Subaru gulped and felt his body break out in a cold sweat, but he couldn’t back down. Whatever was in that room, he had to face it with her, or she would never trust him again. Steeling his nerves, Subaru took a few tentative steps inside and was quickly enveloped in darkness when she slammed the door shut behind him.

He stood there in total darkness. The quiet shuffling of Lesath’s footsteps was the only thing he could hear past their breathing and his own pounding heartbeat. He was as still as a statue and tried to steady his guts, since the smell was overwhelming. She wouldn’t… She wouldn’t kill him.

Right?

Suddenly, she lit a candle, and the room was illuminated by soft light. Her body obscured the light as she lit a couple more on what appeared to be a nightstand across the room, but when she turned, and the light was able to cast across everything between them. What he saw was something that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

There was blood and gore scattered everywhere. It covered the walls, the floor, and even the ceiling. On the bed was what once would have been a man, given the size, shape, and beard now stained and plastered to his neck with blood. His chest cavity was cut open and hollow, its contents now everywhere he looked. As Subaru looked around in horror, he saw a second body leaning against the wall beside the bedroom door. An elderly woman with cuts all over her body and blood staining the front of her nightgown from a slit throat.

Lesath was sitting beside that while we talked… Subaru realized, then desperately put his hand over his mouth to avoid vomiting the skewered meat and vegetables again and failed. His stomach emptied onto the floor through the slits in his fingers.

“This is the hell inside my head, Su~Su. This is what haunts me.” Lesath said, her tone was almost mechanical. Her empty, hollow eyes stared into his soul as tears rolled down her burning cheeks. “Life is supposed to be sacred, and yet I still… I don’t want this, Su~Su… I don’t want to be this anymore.”

She took slow, hesitant steps towards him.

Lesath was fully armed now, her swords and blades in place, but other than the candle she was emptied handed.

“This is your hell, too. This is the kind of thing you’ll be facing if you stay here.” Lesath was getting closer as Subaru struggled to stand up straight. “You’ll have to stare into the eyes of those around you and walk past their corpses. But if you let the past die and leave with me, we can escape together. You can save me with your love, and I can do the same for you. I will love you unconditionally and we can use that love to bury our demons forever.”

Subaru lowered his filthy hand and watched Lesath approach with pupils the size of pin pricks, his entire body shaking with the single command to run. He stood hunched over, his clean hand on his knee. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse and scratched his irritated throat.

“Lesath, you… you killed your grandparents?”

She shook her head.

“I have no idea who these people are, but this was their house.”

Subaru’s eyes widened. He tried to step back but slipped on something and fell on to his ass. His body was shaking in fear.

She… She killed them in cold blood?! For their house?!

“This was just convenience. Once I saw you get separated from your…” A look of distaste passed across her features, but she dropped it in defeat. “Your ‘friend’… I needed to be quick. I needed a place that would be hard for Nana and Maia to find but would still suit my needs. These two just… drew the short straw.”

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God…

“That’s… That’s not you, Lesath. That’s not the Lesath I know, the one who saved me and Carina.” He tried to sound strong, but his voice was breaking. He tried to sound the part of a hero, but he was cowering on the ground in terror. He didn’t want to believe that she truly was the madwoman he feared she was. “You… You wouldn’t have…”

“I did, Su~Su.” She said sadly and crouched in front of him, the candle held between them. “I killed them so that we could be alone. I kept it a secret because I knew you couldn’t accept me as the monster I am. We failed each other once, you know? This… This is why I want to die.”

“Thank you for finally granting me my wish, and letting me die in your arms…”

“L-Lesath, no… no, this isn’t what I…”

“I know,” Lesath said. “But it’s all I can do. If I can’t live by your side, then I want to die in your arms. Nothing else… Nothing else will save me.”

"But death won't save you!" Subaru shouted fearfully, his eyes shaking in their sockets. The idea of her dying, of suffering the same fate over and over because of his inability to stay dead, was just as horrific as the scene he walked into. As someone who has already died four times, he shouted the truth as he knew it. "Death is just some cruel joke! It won't give you peace!"

"But it will." Lesath said sadly, her ears flat against her head and her teary eyes drifting down to the stained floorboards between them. "I can't live like this anymore, Subaru. I can't stand these memories and thoughts in my head. They torment me and I... don't want to hurt people anymore."

She stared down at her bloodstained palm and ran her fingers over the slick flesh. "It's all a jumble, like a patchwork of the pain that created me. It’s like someone ripped the chapters from several books and strung them together inside my head. I don't even remember my real name or who I really was."

"You don't have to be a monster, Lesath!" Subaru sat up as best he could. Though they sat so close to each other, the distance between them felt immeasurable. Subaru couldn't stand seeing the growing chasm.

"Subaru," she said and lifted her gaze to meet his panicked eyes with a dead stare. "Look at me. Look at what I've done. If we run away and start a life together, I know I can bury this deep down... but it will never go away. It's a part of me."

"Then what's the point?!" He screamed and leaned towards her. His entire body was slick with sweat. "What's the point of wanting to be saved if you don't think you can change?!"

Lesath smiled a gentle smile, a stark contrast to her blushing cheeks and blood covered skin.

Subaru slowly looked down and let his tears fall as the answer came to him.

"You're going to commit suicide... aren't you?"

Her silence was all the answer he needed.

"What about the future you want?” He asked in a shaking whisper, desperate to find some way to convince her to selfishly change her mind. Lesath couldn’t die, not like that. He’d sooner... “Don't you want to... get married? Be a part of a real family? Was all that-?"

"No," Lesath said, cutting him off. "That wasn't a lie, but you can only live in a fantasy for so long, you know. I just... I just can't stand the thought of you having to face your past and losing yourself again. Even if I only could live in that dream for just a little while, it would be worth it if I knew that I was able to save you from yourself."

Subaru reached for her as he fought his sobs and the confusing thoughts in his mind. He couldn't see her logic, couldn't understand what the hell she was expecting to happen. If she killed herself after they started a life together, wouldn't that just leave him all alone again? Wouldn't that just defeat the purpose?

She’d be leaving him behind to another miserable existence.

Her slick hand grasped his gently and her thumb caressed the soft skin. That sad smile was turned towards him now and only him. It was the kind you’d find on a broken toy, one that was dragged through the muck of broken dreams. "By saving you, I will save myself. Don’t you see that?"

No, he couldn’t.

"Lesath... who am I? What... What am I to you?" Subaru asked, though he already knew the answer.

It was obvious to him now, no matter how much he wanted to deny it. She was either crazy and frighteningly accurate in her delusions, or...

Her smile fell silently, and she closed her eyes. Taking a deep breath, Lesath exhaled and leaned forward. Her lips pressed against his fingers and when she pulled away, she whispered.

"You're just some guy bleeding in an alley. Nothing more."

"Bull-shit!" Subaru shouted in her face, but she didn't flinch. "That is a load of shit, and you know it! Stop lying to me, for the love of God," his voice cracked pathetically, "please, stop lying..."

"I would never lie to you, Su~Su." Lesath pressed his fingers to her cheek and breathed in the mixture of his flesh covered in scarlet life.

"Lies of omission, then! It doesn't matter what you call it, you-"

"Does that mean you'll finally let me die?"

Subaru pulled his hand away and shrieked.

"Stop it!" He cried as he ripped out handfuls of his hair.

This was madness. True, inescapable madness. How the hell was he supposed to save her if she was determined to die?

"Shhh, Su~Su." Lesath said as she scooted closer and wrapped one arm around his shoulders. Pulling him close to rest against her chest, she nuzzled the top of his head to block his grasping hands. When they reached up, they found her face instead and ceased the torment of his scalp. Instead, they dug into his arm anew and drew forth fresh blood. Lesath spoke into his hair, damp with sweat, and curled her spiky black tail around her waist to rest around his own. "I never wanted any of this for you. I wanted you to be happy without the past haunting you. Don't you see what a blessing that is?"

"H-How is any of this a blessing?!" He screamed. "This is a nightmare, a living hell!"

"But it doesn't have to be for you. You have a chance that I don't have, you know? You've forgotten the past. It can't chain you anymore, you can be anyone you want to be far from here. If you stay in this city... If you stay with your friends, then you'll eventually remember every one of your sins."

He didn't need to think about it to know it was true. He'd only lost his memories two days ago, and already he had enough bits and pieces to see just what he had become. He felt her breath tickle his ear as she whispered into it.

"You need to get away from here. Let me help you escape. After you're safe, I'll leave, and you can have whatever peaceful life you want. I promise, my love, I won't let you down."

"I swear, I will protect you!"

The memory came and, despite the images of his death, Subaru found resolve in the memory. He had made a similar promise once to a certain silver-haired half-elf.

It was the same promise he made to the woman who held him in her arms.

"No."

Lesath blinked in confusion as her mind struggled to wrap around his answer in its dark haze. "No?"

What would be the point? Either way, he was doomed to misery and suffering, whether it be then or now. To Subaru, there was only one answer now. If she wasn’t going to choose life, then he had to give her a reason to choose it.

He had to become the hero for them both.

Subaru lifted his head and looked up into Lesath's eyes. Through his tears, he smiled in defeat and readjusted his body so that he was facing Lesath.

"I made a promise, and I intend to keep it."

His hand cupped Lesath's cheek and he watched her shudder at his touch. Her eyes never left his, but they searched for answers. Despite his words, she couldn't stop herself from leaning into the feel of his fingers. Her warmth crackled like a log that fell in a campfire.

When he leaned in, Lesath's heart skipped a beat.

She chose to meet him halfway as his hand slid up her thigh. It was everything she could ever hope for. More than anything, she wanted him and him alone, even for just the briefest moment.

Just as their lips were about to touch, Subaru whispered.

"I'm sorry."

A sharp pain snapped Lesath from her dream and brought her back to reality. Her eyes fell to the pain in her leg, and the needle Subaru held in his hand.

Her thigh holster was open.

"When did you...?" Lesath muttered in disbelief, the candle falling to the floor and going out. Only the light coming in from the door illuminated their forms now and left the rest in darkness.

"I will save you. No matter what it takes." Subaru smiled and pressed his forehead to her temple. "I promise."

"S-Subaru, you can't... Please, don't do this!" Lesath pleaded as her limbs began to feel heavier and the world's sound plunged under the toxin's waters.

"I'll take care of Nana for us. After that... I'll show you that life can be worth living." Subaru's smile never wavered, but it was steeped in sadness. "Just wait for me. I'll be right back."

She grabbed his shoulders and slumped forward like a drunkard, her eyes ablaze with worry and anger. Her fingernails sharpened and dug into his soft flesh. Subaru winced, but didn’t push her away. He understood why she held so tightly. If what he was doing failed, then she’d be left alone in the world once again.

Her savior would be her destruction.

“Don’t do this… Don’t leave me!” Lesath said weakly as she pulled herself into his lap and clung to him. “Please, please, please… Su~Su… I… love…”

Subaru held her until the tranquilizing drug took effect and closed his eyes to the horror that etched itself into his brain behind her. Lesath’s hands loosened over time, and he was able to stand up with her in his arms. He carried her carefully as she fought against the toxin and lolled her head back and forth to stay awake. When they made it into the next bedroom, Subaru noticed the lack of any personal effects and realized he had been a fool not to notice the signs before.

He placed her on to the softly made bed and caressed her forehead. Before exiting the room, Subaru took a holster of her throwing knives and strapped it to his other leg. The door shut behind him with a soft click that sounded far more final and heavier in his mind than it did in reality. Their lives were in his hands now and there was a good chance they’d both end up dead, but Subaru couldn’t stand to see her die again. Even if he had to face Nana alone, it was better than watching the people he cared about suffering before he was put out of his misery.

Then again, his misery would remain no matter what, right? He’d come back with every memory, every horrible fate that befell him and others weighing on his shoulders. If he was going to go forward, he had to put his life on the line before anyone else did. At least then, it would only be him that had to suffer.

The hypocritical duality of altruism fueled by a selfish fear wasn’t lost on him, but such a thing shouldn’t matter to a monster turned protector.

Subaru made his way downstairs with a heavy heart and a knot of fear in his guts. His black coat slipped on easily and he strapped his sword back to his belt before drawing it. When Nana came, he wanted to be ready for her in case she immediately became violent. He would probably die, but he wouldn’t go down without a fight.

Standing in the middle of the room by the fireplace, he looked at the palm of his free hand and tried to recall the feelings he had when he managed to combat Nana’s Hands. It hadn’t been some conscious effort on his part. He had just let his emotions take him and his body did the rest. It had felt like his mind slipped into something deep and dark inside of himself and in return had granted him some power he didn’t know he had.

The idea that he had any power was mind boggling. Ram herself said he hadn’t exactly been a master combatant, so maybe he had trained after Priestella? Was it yin magic, then?

Despite being in the dark on practically everything magical, Subaru tried his best to mimic what he felt against Nana. He imagined the rage he felt and grimaced at the memories of his and Lesath’s deaths in her hands. The horror on the faces of the angels. The death of Emilia and the blonde girl.

Pain and regret tugged at his heartstrings, and he followed that feeling.

He could feel something there. Multiple things.

What the hell was that?

Subaru gritted his teeth and reeled back in his mind. He had to focus, or he would be no match for Nana. The look of fear in her eyes when he had been at the precipice doing something with all his fear and anger brought about a dark satisfaction that chilled and stirred the beating of his bruised heart.

He wanted nothing more than to see that fear again.

To make her pay for all the pain she has caused.

Something danced at the edge of his perception. Subaru stared into the abyss and reached even deeper into the chaos and filth, grasping for that feeling.

He was rewarded when the abyss reached for his hand and clasped it in return.

A strange feeling overtook Subaru’s senses, an almost instinctual reaction to what he was feeling. He opened his black eyes that gleamed red and watched the purple lights dance across his palm. It didn’t matter what this power was, so long as it helped him against Nana. His gaze darkened as the thought of putting her in her place crossed his mind and the lights responded by intensifying. It felt like whatever this was could feel his emotions and intentions and would react accordingly. How he knew that he wasn’t sure. It just felt… natural.

It wasn’t much, but it would have to do.

Subaru let the lights fade but he didn’t let go of that mindset. He couldn’t afford to lose it now, even if Nana wouldn’t be here for a while. It was obvious from his first death at her hands that she would be coming here. Now all that was left to do was wait.

Subaru wasn’t sure how long he stood there with his sword in hand. It felt like eternity, but surely it hadn’t been near that long because he could hear something making its way across the roof. His grip on the handle of his sword tightened in anticipation as every sound brought her closer to the back door. She moved quickly as if impatient and dropped just outside the door with a muffled thud. The door burst open with a hard kick of her long, black clad leg.

He could see her from where he stood in the family room. Nana took a couple of hurried, aggressive steps into the house, before nearly tripping over herself when she saw him waiting for her. Instantly her Hands came out and encircled her body as if preparing for an attack, but when none came, she peeked out from a gap in the coil of shadows and scanned her environment.

“Lesath isn’t here.” Subaru growled out.

“Sorry, I don’t believe that for a second.” Nana said, but her Hands slowly uncoiled anyway. They hung in the air around her defensively.

Subaru got a good look at Nana. He examined her face and felt sick with how similar they really were. Probably more so now that they both wore identical scowls.

A bead of sweat rolled down his cheek. He needed answers, if nothing else. The fact that Nana hadn’t immediately killed him further confirmed his theory.

“You’re not here to kill me, are you?”

Nana’s scowl deepened a little, but she at least answered with a “No.”

“Then what do you want?” Subaru asked. “Are you here to kill Lesath?”

“Normally, the answer would be yes.” A sigh escaped her lips, and she rubbed the dark bags under her nasty eyes, the same ones he had. “But someone important to me would have told me to capture her alive.”

He couldn’t believe how easily this dialogue was coming along. Had it been this easy the entire time? Could he have seriously talked his way out of this insanity?!

The idea that all his pain and gruesome deaths could have been avoided made his blood boil.

“Oh, looks like someone’s pissed. Might want to watch that.” Nana said with a snarky smile.

“Screw you!” Subaru snapped. “Who the hell are you, anyway?! Why won’t you just leave us alone?!”

His outburst made Nana breathe a sigh of relief. Her silence burned him because it meant only one thing.

She wants to silence Lesath.

“Look, idiot, leave now. I really don’t want to make this ugly with you, but if you don’t walk out that door right now, I promise nothing.” Nana said, now visibly a bit more relaxed.

Subaru took a deep breath. He needed to know the truth, and he needed it now. It didn’t seem like Nana would be forthcoming, but he was going to try anyway. If he got any information out of her, even if he died, he’d have it in his next loop. So, he asked his next question.

“… What are we to each other, Nana?”

The girl tensed her shoulders and glared silently.

“What are we, Nana?” Subaru asked again, his eyes gleaming dangerously.

The girl curled her lips into a sarcastic smile and tilted her head to the side as if trying to be cute, as if mocking his distress and burning questions.

Oh, how he wanted to wipe that smile off her face.

“What do you think we are, Su~Su?”

Subaru’s heart skipped a beat. How the hell does she know that nickname? Had Lesath used it to refer to him before he ever met her? His barely contained rage bubbled to the surface. The shadows that danced all around the room slowly slithered across every surface and towards his own. Subaru paid none of it any mind as his mind was solely focused on Nana’s face.

The same face he wore with the same challenge across both of their features.

He knew the answer, but he couldn’t accept it so easily. It didn’t make any sense to him. After all, how could it be possible that this murdering sociopath was his…?

“There it is!” Nana clapped happily as her Hands braced themselves to defend her main body, belaying her rather flippant response. She was grinning from ear to ear. “Say it! Say it with your own words! Come on, let me hear it out loud!”

Subaru lifted his sword and pointed it at her heart.

“You’re my…”

“Say it!” Nana shouted.

“You’re my sister!” Subaru spat hatefully.

Nana stood there still as a stone; her head lowered. Her body then shuddered involuntarily at his declaration, as if it were the sweetest words he could whisper in her ear. When she lifted her head again, there were frustrated tears in her gleaming red eyes as her manic grin threatened to split her face in half.

“T-There it is!” Nana whispered.

Subaru’s guts twisted. It was true.

This woman who had no issue killing him… was his own flesh and blood sister.

“Oh, how I hate to hear those words. How dare you!” Nana said as she crossed her arms in front of her body. “How dare you make me feel, Big~ Brother~!”

His eyes narrowed and his throat went dry. What the hell was she…?

The Hands writhed around Nana just as the shadows rose up Subaru’s body from the floor.

Without the slightest bit of hesitation, both of them made their moves.

If he were a more competent combatant, maybe he could have had some flashy moves or even managed to maneuver out of the way and up the stairs to escape the literal wall of shadowy fingers. Unfortunately, Subaru was new to his abilities and instinct meant little without experience to temper it. So, he did the only thing that felt right.

He swung his sword in a horizontal arc with all his might.

Shadows clashed with shadows in a fierce display of force. Their collision didn’t cancel each other out, but instead created a massive burst that sent Subaru flying backwards like a bomb went off at his feet. He landed in a crumpled heap after crashing over the coffee table and toppling over one of the loveseats. Pain erupted across his body from his involuntary impersonation of a ragdoll. The time it took for him to get to his feet didn’t allow him the time or maneuverability to escape the Hand that engulfed his vision and snatched him up. He screamed in frustration as it held him aloft, pinned his arms, and left his feet dangling uselessly in the air.

“Now be a good boy~!” Nana cackled as she strode forward and to the right. She was heading straight for the stairs. “I’ll make this quick, then you can go back to… whatever else you were doing before this mutt whisked you away.”

“Leave her alone! I won’t let you take her!” Subaru screamed and struggled fiercely.

Nana wasn’t fazed by his pathetic words. If anything, they were egging her on to milk his torment just a little longer. To prove her point, she grinned and took slow, methodic steps towards the stairs until she reached the bottom. Every step clicked her heeled boots against the woodgrain, further emphasizing the inevitable.

“I said stop!”

“Oh, really? Who’s going to make me? You? Maybe that failure your hiding upstairs?” Nana cackled when he flinched. “You idiot, it’s obvious that’s where you put her! Do you think I’m stupid?”

Subaru smirked, “Ugly, too.”

Nana froze mid step. Her Hands writhed and the one holding Subaru squeezed him painfully. He cried out in pain. Any harder and he was sure the thing would crush his ribcage.

“Call me ugly… one more time. I dare you.” Nana snarled in a low whisper as she turned wild, predatory eyes towards her Big Brother.

Of course, Subaru couldn’t say anything since he could barely inhale air.

“Bitch,” Nana muttered and turned to go up the stairs.

“St…Stop…”

Subaru croaked out in a panic, but not for himself. No, he was much more worried about Lesath than himself. The very real possibility that he would have to watch Lesath’s death once again as he struggled uselessly because of this damn Hands was once again plaguing his mind. It renewed his struggle and had his mind racing for any sort of possibilities to turn this around.

If only he could get free of these Hands…

Wait. Aren’t they yin magic? Could he…?

Subaru delved deep inside himself and tried to call forth any magic he had, regardless of the pain or risk it could pose to himself. He wouldn’t let Nana have her way again, never again. No, he would not lose Lesath again!

I will change our fates, even if I have to die doing it!

Nana’s steps echoed in his ears as her body bobbed up and down as she took the steps one at a time. He could feel how much she was enjoying him squirm. The pain of struggling against the steel like grasp of her Hands made his teeth gnash with bloodlust. He’d give anything right now to cut Nana down where she stood. Even if it meant a lifetime of guilt and regret, he’d give anything to end this insanity.

She climbed the stairs, unobstructed.

No magic was coming to him. Had he used too much in that one attack? Why couldn’t he do anything?

Damn it all!

He glared into the back of Nana’s head and shifted his focus from breaking out of the Hand…

To put a hole in the back of her head.

Four purple crystals the size of steak knives materialized around his head and shot towards Nana’s back.

The crystals didn’t hit their mark, but about two of them pierced her back and shoulder. Nana screamed out in agony as her focus was lost and Subaru slipped out from the Hand’s grasp. He crouched and rolled away, then pulled a throwing knife from the holster. As Nana turned and unleashed another Unseen Hand to smash him into a bloody puddle, Subaru raised the knife and infused it was magic before throwing it. The knife soared between the fingers of the Hand and sang true for her gasping face.

The moment the blade connected, a burst of magic erupted and Nana shrieked as everything behind her was splattered red.

Her shadowy Unseen Hands froze in place as she reached up and cradled the left side of her face with shaking fingers. Nana stumbled against the wall and her knees nearly buckled as she continued to scream in pain. Blood ran between her gloved fingers and dripped down the front of her robes on to the wooden steps like a rushing waterfall.

Subaru stood there just as he had when he let the knife fly. He was morbidly transfixed by the sight before him. Had he... Had he really just done that?

Did I really just maim my sister...?

All four Unseen Hands retracted and spread their fingers in front of Nana like several shields as she lowered her hands.

The left side of her face was gone. All that was left was exposed bone, with chunks of shredded meat and flesh hanging off. Blood still fell like the tributaries of rivers from her body, but her left eye was ravaged and leaking its contents.

From her undamaged right side, there were several trails of tears running down her paling face.

Subaru almost vomited.

That split second reaction was all Nana needed to cast her spell.

“Minya.”

A purple crystal formed beside her face and fired with the speed of the wind. Subaru didn’t have time to dodge it. Before he could do more than realize what was about to happen, the crystal punched a hole in his gut.

“Aaaargh!” He screamed and fell to one knee. Subaru clutched his abdomen tightly as the pain was enough to nearly knock him out cold, but he held on to his consciousness to glare at his sister. He didn’t need someone to tell him to understand what this meant.

I failed... Again.

He gritted his teeth with self-loathing. Why can’t he beat her? Why can’t he ever live past Nana’s wrath?

Was he truly destined to fail Lesath?

Casting a seething glare, Subaru barked. “I’ll save her from you! I don’t care how many times I fail! You hear me? I will beat you! I will beat you!”

Nana scoffed and smiled through the mind-numbing pain. Her eyes were dimming, but like him she held on and muttered something under her breath as she once again cradled her destroyed flesh.

“Just what the hell do you keep muttering?!” Subaru screamed as the muscles in his body tensed up. He knew what was coming next and he was going to be ready.

But nothing prepared him for Nana’s answer.

“I said…” Nana’s Unseen Hands, palms open, launched at Subaru with uncanny speed.

As the sound of rushing wind met with the splintering of the floorboards and the smashing of furniture, Subaru just barely heard what Nana was screaming at the top of her lungs.

“I love you, Big Brother!”

Chapter Text

“Love, my ass!” Subaru shouted the moment his consciousness returned.

His glass hit the floor and shattered.

“Su~Su?!”

He bit his tongue as he realized where he was once again. Looking to his left, he was met with the familiar sight of Lesath on the loveseat beside him and their first bottle of wine on the table before them. She was staring at him in shock and confusion, as if he had finally lost his mind.

Maybe he had.

“I’m so sick of this!” He cried out as he pulled his leg back and swiftly kicked the heavy coffee table away from them. The wine bottle fell over and began to empty its contents once again. Lesath yelped and jumped away from him as he glared into the spilling crimson liquid. It reminded him of Nana’s ravaged face and his own failure.

I hesitated for one second...

“W-What’s wrong, Su~Su? D-Did I do something wrong?” Lesath asked, acting like a frightened innocent girl.

Ignoring her distress, Subaru jumped to his feet and began stomping on the coffee table’s edge as if it were Nana’s broken body.

“Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!”

“Subaru!”

He stopped and let his foot rest on the table as he turned his body to glare at Lesath. The demi-human girl flinched at the nasty look and flattened her ears. She took a step back and clasped her hands in front of her large chest as if threatened by his anger.

The idea that this woman, capable of cold-blooded murder, was scared of him was laughable. When it came time for him to act, to put an end to Nana once and for all, he had hesitated and froze up. Because he didn’t finish her off when he had the chance, she killed him again. What the hell was wrong with him?

He was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, wasn’t he?

Subaru’s fists clenched hard enough for his fingernails to dig into his palms.

He was a monster, and monsters didn’t hesitate like that!

“Subaru, you’re scaring me...” Lesath said softly.

Of course she’s scared, he reminded himself. He was her lifeline, her entire reason for living. As he closed his eyes to fight back against the tears and emotions that welled up in his chest, Subaru thought back to the horrific scene that awaited him upstairs, just two doors away from the bed he and Lesath had sex in. The truth weighed heavily on his heart and threatened to either drag him into the abyss or leave him in madness.

But, he couldn’t do that... Her sins were his to bear beside her. That was the choice he made and it was the promise he aimed to keep, no matter what. He swallowed emotions in silence. No matter what he did, he couldn’t protect anyone. He had no doubt Nana would come for them soon. They couldn’t waste any time.

But he couldn’t save either of them as he was. What the hell was he supposed to do? In the end, Subaru did the only thing that he knew he could do.

He put on a brave front and smiled like the liar he was.

“I’m sorry, Lesath... I, uh, kind of lost it there.” Subaru said with a tired smile and tried to seem embarrassed by rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

“Y-Yeah...” She muttered, her tail curled around her hips and left thigh nervously. “What happened?”

Subaru’s smile grew a bit as he put on his best jovial persona, the mask that he felt the most comfortable with yet felt... Foreign. It’s only been two days and already tragedy has worn him down. It was like putting on an old outfit that fit, but didn’t quite sit right on his frame.

“I just remembered something, don’t worry about it.” He chuckled and hoped she believed him. “Hey, let’s just forget about it, okay?”

I feel sick.

“Su~Su, you can tell me what’s wrong.” Lesath said sincerely.

“There’s nothing wrong, I promise! Look, I’m fine! See?” He grinned and held out his arms as if to let her have a once over to prove he was okay.

But his mask wasn’t good enough.

I feel sick.

Lesath lowered her head and stared up at him with distrustful eyes. “Please don’t lie, Su~Su. I don’t like it when people lie to me.”

“Oh?” He laughed with just a bit of malice.

Lies, tricks, guilt, expectations for a dead man.

Subaru couldn’t help it. A bit of his quietly seething rage bubbled up into his voice. “I’m not lying a bit! Maybe you’re the one lying to me!”

Her eyes widened in disbelief and her breath hitched in her throat.

“I... I don’t understand...” She muttered, her right foot edging back from him.

I feel sick.

“Of course not! I mean, if you did understand, that’d mean you really were lying to me, right?” Subaru waved the notion away, but his jovial voice was still as sharp as a blade. “But you wouldn’t lie to me. You’d never lie to me, of all people! Pfft!”

I feel sick.

Lesath was starting to panic, he could see and feel it, but he didn’t care. Something dark was clawing its way to the surface and try as he might to suppress it, it was coming through. It was something born of frustration and anger, the empty words of those who said they loved and cared for him but truly only cared for what he could do for them. He was sick of being a piece in everyone’s game, of everyone knowing everything that he didn’t.

His mask was slipping off his smiling face like the tears than rolled down his cheeks.

I feel sick. I feel sick.

“You wouldn’t lie to the man you love, would you? You’d never do something so manipulative! Not you, never you!” Subaru was shouting now with his fists shaking at his sides. He could see the fear and realization dawning in Lesath’s eyes and for the first time, he felt nothing but his own overwhelming urge to lash out at everything around him. “That would mean you’re using me and I’m stupid enough to fall for it!”

“Su... Subaru, please, stop... Y-You don’t understand-!” Lesath tried to raise her hands between her body and his as she shook like a leaf in the wind, but he cut her off.

I feel sick. I feel sick. I feel sick.

“I understand you won’t tell me the truth!” Subaru snapped, his feral smile twitching on his face glistening with sweat. “I get it, okay? You want to protect me from myself, but you want to know what’s going to happen?!”

He stared straight into her wide, lupine eyes and saw not his own reflection, but that of a madman.

“We’re going to die! Over and over and over! Nana is going to kill me and you just like she has four fucking times now!” It was all becoming too much. Subaru reached up and gripped his head in his hands and felt his body curling in on itself.

Lesath shook and just stared at him in disbelief, blinking away her tears as her white tipped ears flattened against her dark head.

“Nana always kills us! Every time! We’ve tried running, fighting, and I even faced her alone, but each and every time we end up dead!” Subaru was weeping on his knees. Snot and tears flowed down his face, but he showed no signs of calming down.

I feel sick! I feel sick! I feel sick!

“I’m so tired of being murdered by my own sister!” He shouted with his eyes closed as she tried to shut out the pain. “I’m so sick of dying, Lesath! Over and over and over! It hurts so much! It fucking hurts like hell!”

Unbeknownst to Subaru, Lesath made a hard choice. She pulled something out of her pocket and placed it into her mouth.

Gentle hands touched him as he wept and pulled him into a soft embrace with his head resting in her chest. Opening his eyes, he could smell the exotic spices as Lesath’s black hair fell around his bleary vision and the weight of her head as it nuzzled the back of his own. Her spiky black tail still rested on her thigh, but her legs were parted to bring him closer to her body as she sat on her calves.

Her soft lips brushed against the hair on the back of his head as she spoke.

“It must have been so terrifying.”

Everything stopped.

“I’m sorry... I’m sorry I ruined you, Subaru. I never meant for things to turn out this way.” Lesath caressed his cheeks with her fingers and fought to keep her own voice strong enough to speak. “I don’t want you to forgive me. I don’t deserve it.”

“How... How can you just believe any of this? I don’t...” He sucked in a shaking breath and cried, “I don’t understand how you just accept this!”

“I told you, sometimes it’s better to just trust someone than to never trust at all. I can accept it because these aren’t the kinds of lies you would tell, Su~Su.”

Subaru couldn’t speak, so Lesath continued.

“My Su~Su doesn’t tell lies to hurt; he only tells lies to protect others.” She gently lifts his head up to meet her hollow, tear-filled eyes. “You always take the weight of the world on to your shoulders and make it your own, and yet you’ll never say a single good thing about yourself.”

Lesath wiped his tears away and smiled through her own misery.

“Go home, Su~Su.”

“W-What?” He choked and sputtered. “Lesath, I don’t-”

“Your home is with your friends and loved ones, Su~Su. I thought I could be enough to save you, but I don’t think I can. I’m... I’m not good for you, so you need to forget me and go back to your friends at the manor. To Rem, Ram, Carina, and Reinhard.”

Subaru’s eyes widened. “Wait, h-how do you know their names...?”

“Because I watched you, Subaru. I watched you from the hallway as you held Rem, as you kissed Ram, and I spent the last night watching you sleep through the window to your room.” She smiled and tilted her head, her voice barely above a choked whisper. “I’m broken and I wanted you to fix me, so I stayed in your shadow as I’ve always done... Until it wasn’t enough anymore.”

He didn’t know what to say to that. Lesath had been behind him since the beginning. She’s been watching him every step of the way. That both touched and chilled him.

“They need you to save them now, Su~Su. Don’t let anyone twist you into something you’re not.” Lesath leaned forward and kissed him. He didn’t expect it, nor did he expect when her tongue darted past his lips to press something into the floor of his mouth before pulling away.

“Especially if that person is me,” She said as his body began to get heavier and his vision blurred at the edges.

He knew what this was, what she did.

She poisoned him again.

“Lesath, n-no...” Subaru began but couldn’t form a sentence past the cotton on his mouth. He was falling forward, but Lesath gently picked him up and laid him down on the loveseat. He struggled in her grasp, but she held him firm due to her strength.

“It’s just a diluted drop of my poison. Don’t worry, it’ll wear off quick, but by then I’ll have gotten Nana off your scent.” Lesath smiled and kissed his forehead as she whispered. “I love you, Su~Su. I’ll never forget you, you know.”

But won’t it affect you, too?

Then she slipped out of his field of vision and was gone.

Subaru wasn’t sure how long he laid there, but after drifting in and out of a drugged haze it was to be expected. He finally managed to push himself up into a sitting position. The room started to spin, and his mouth was as dry as cotton. He stood up on wobbly legs and slowly hobbled his way into the kitchen where he found a water basin. Whether it was clean or not, he didn’t care. Subaru dunked his head in and drank greedily while trying to stay on his feet and not drown himself.

He pulled his head up and sprayed water in an arc around the kitchen along the ceiling and walls. Even if there was no one left alive, he still felt a bit guilty about making such a mess in a stranger’s home. A humorless chuckle escaped his lips.

He was worried about that now?

Thankfully, Lesath had been right when she said that it would wear off quickly. He was still a bit lightheaded and dizzy, but already the strength in his limbs was returning. Without any further delay, Subaru retrieved his coat and sword. Lesath was out there, alone and going up against his homicidal twin with poison running through her system. If he thought things were dire before, then they reached a whole new level now.

It didn’t matter anymore who was right or wrong, who was insane or sane. What mattered the most to him right now was keeping his promise. He was going to save them both and nothing was going to stop him.

Not some poison, not some crazy bitch with shadow Hands, and certainly not his own pathetic nature.

The voice from the shadows of his mind spoke to him again.

“Coward…”

“I know I am,” Subaru answered himself out loud, his heart pounding as a bead of nervous sweat rolled down his back. “I can’t help but be terrified... And yet...”

“And yet, and yet, andyetandyetandyet-!”

“-I made a promise!” He finished the insane rambling with his own resolve and went to find the liquor.

Just as with his second loop, he followed Lesath’s example and began dousing the house with alcohol. If Lesath was out there, if he saved her, then there was no way they would be able to explain this. There may be something left that could trace this horrible place to Lesath, and if she was going to be saved, then he couldn’t allow her to rot in some dungeon.

Even if it was what she deserved.

Being an accessory to murder made him feel sick all over again. The guilt was gnawing at his mind, telling him to stop what he was doing, that it was wrong on every level. But, he couldn’t afford to stop.

He couldn’t afford to take any chances.

Using his sword, Subaru wedged the blade under a burning log and stopped to mentally prepare himself for what he was about to do. It’s not like he hadn’t been a part of arson before, right? Taking a deep breath and counting to three, Subaru flung the flaming piece of wood across the room where it somehow landed against the staircase.

The alcohol instantly caught fire.

Subaru was out the door before he even knew where he was going, calling out Lesath’s name. He tried to ignore the possibility of the mabeasts finding and devouring him again, but he’d be lying if it didn’t make his knees weak and his stomach churn.

“Lesath! Damn it, where are you?! Lesath!”

The streets were empty where he was, and no matter how loud he was he received no response. Subaru’s heart was racing with anxiety. What if he was too late? What if Nana already had her?

He didn’t want to imagine what that would mean. Lesath could be dead, kidnapped, or worse. It could mean he’d never see her again. That he failed her again.

“I refuse... I refuse to accept that future!” He muttered to himself.

Then he felt it, like a candle lit at the end of a dark hallway.

Warmth.

Subaru stopped in the middle of the street and closed his eyes. He concentrated and put his hands over his eyes to block out as much stimuli as possible so he could focus. It helped, but...

It’s so far away.

Concentrating on this invisible perception that brushed against his mind, Subaru tried to feel and understand the warmth in the distance. As if responding to his efforts, his perceptions expanded to reach the familiar feeling of a flame brushing against his heart. What he hadn’t expected was how many flames came into his mind’s eye.

Like little fireflies against the dark of night, he felt a number of them not too far away now. Some were alone, while others were in groups. What they had in common, however, was that each of them was getting closer and closer.

All except for two that seemed to be chasing each other in an effort to get away.

Subaru noted their direction and opened his eyes. He wasn’t sure how he knew, but he had a feeling in his chest that those two flames were Nana and Lesath. Hopefully, that was true.

Without wasting any more time, Subaru broke out in a dead sprint for where he felt their presence. Thankfully, it wasn’t impossibly far, but still. He couldn’t afford to be even a second late. As he ran, he kept their flames in his mind like a beacon for his body to home in on. They were moving, but he felt confident that he could catch up.

After what felt like almost ten minutes of straight sprinting, Subaru turned down a main street and saw them.

A cut and bruised Lesath was hunched over and panting with her short swords gripped tightly, her back to him as he rounded the corner. Her coat was in literal tatters hanging off her toned, glistening body as she sucked in air greedily. Standing across from her was Nana clad in dark, form fitting leathers, her own robe laying in shreds all over the road now marred with massive handprints and gouges in the earth. The Unseen Hands were writhing in the air around Nana like serpents with minds of their own, grasping and caressing open air.

The look of perverse enjoyment on Nana’s face was more far more depraved than the look Subaru commonly saw on Lesath’s beautiful features. While Lesath didn’t want to be the way she was, it appeared Nana was reveling in it.

Lesath was also bruised and beaten, while Nana was merely sweaty from the workout.

Nana grinned maniacally and screamed as the four Unseen Hands curved around and shot towards Lesath in a mass of curling shadows.

Without thinking, Subaru pulled his knife from his leg holster and threw it the moment Nana’s Unseen Hands began to move in that familiar pattern.

But his attack didn’t reach her.

One Hand changed direction and swatted the knife away uselessly while the other three grabbed the exhausted Lesath and threw her farther down the street towards Subaru. He could only watch helplessly as she flew through the air and landed in a broken heap in the middle of the road, a pathetic yelp of pain escaping her bloodied lips upon impact.

“Lesath!” Subaru screamed, then turned his attention back to Nana and ran to stand in between her and his friend with his sword raised.

The moment Nana saw him, her eyes rolled back in her head and her shoulders rolled back as her head lolled towards the sky in an exasperated groan. When she brought her body forward and slumped her shoulders, she raised her head to stare at her twin with a feral grin and an unhinged look in her black eyes.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Big Brother!” She shouted with a tilt of her head. “When will you just give up?! There are so many other holes for you to stick it in, why the hell is this one so important to you?!”

Subaru’s face flushed not just from exertion this time, but he stood his ground.

“W-What the hell! Lesath is my friend! Jeez, have some class!” He said, embarrassed but hoping to buy time while he came up with a plan.

“Pfft,” Nana scoffed. “Like you have room to talk.”

He tried to ignore the implications and the remerging guilt about how many women he suspected he’d been involved with.

“Look, I don’t remember any of that, so-!”

“Of course you don’t!” His twin screamed and tilted her head in the opposite direction, her teeth grinding. “But I do! I remember everything!”

Something about the way she said that made the back of Subaru’s mind itch.

Her Unseen Hands curled back around her body and one clenched into a massive fist over her shoulder.

“Now get out of my way, Big Brother!”

As the Hand sped towards him, Subaru called upon any mana he had into his sword as he swung it like a club into the Hand’s knuckles. The moment his blade met the shadowy appendage there was a flash of light and the Hand smashed into the ground as if gravity suddenly quadrupled. Though he was thankful, he was also frustrated because he had no idea what he was doing when it came to magic.

If he survived this, he was going to ask Reinhard to teach him to fight without killing himself.

“You idiot, stop!” A sweaty Nana screamed as she curled her fingers through her disheveled black locks and drug them down the sides of her face. “If you don’t, I’ll make sure you’re nothing but a stain on the ground!”

“Sorry, I have no idea what you have planned for Lesath, but I won’t let you do it!” Subaru said with false bravado as he readied for the next attack.

“If you want to kill yourself, fine!”

All four Hands returned to and coiled around Nana. Subaru’s body tensed up in preparation for what would certainly be his end. He couldn’t keep fighting like this, and there was no way he could dodge all four if they came at him at once. If he did, that meant Lesath was going to die.

Damn it, think!

The Unseen Hands raced towards him. There was no way he could dodge them, and blocking was suicide without magic. There wasn’t any time to pull off another stunt with the shadows like back at the house. No, for all his effort and his faux bravery, Subaru realized that this was the end of the line for him. He braced himself in anticipation of the pain of Nana making good on her promise to make him nothing but a stain. While death came for Subaru, he tried to think of a way out of this for the next life.

My next life…

When had he accepted death as just a restart?

I must be insane.

“Your insanity is far too sane.”

Something snapped free inside Subaru. Without much thought, two shadowy Hands burst free from his gut and caught Nana’s four Hands in their expanded grasp. There was a spark in his mind at this intimate contact between siblings, one that both felt in varying degrees of shock, disgust, and frustration. Subaru didn’t understand what the hell just happened, but he couldn’t afford to wait. He took the advantage and swung his body around on his heel, taking Nana’s Hands and her body along with him.

Using her body like a battering ram, he smashed her and her Hands through the front of the nearest building and smashed the windows in an explosion of brick and glass shards.

Their Hands retracted a moment later.

A moment after that, Subaru’s brain cried out in pain.

“Argh!” Subaru screamed as he felt blood run from his eyes and nose down his face. He managed to remain standing, but the pain was as intense as it was sudden. He coughed out a wad of blood from his parched throat and glared daggers into the ruined building to where Nana was picking herself up slowly.

“That… That hurt, Big Brother.” She panted as she stood to her full height and clutched her left shoulder. A single Unseen Hand emerged and clutched the limb. She took a deep breath, and the Hand pushed the joint back into socket, eliciting a strangled cry from Nana as she clenched her jaw.

“I would have thought… that would have… shattered it.” Subaru said with a cocky grin, despite the blood and exhaustion.

“That would be my ribs, jerk.” Nana groaned as she stumbled into the street once again. Her eyes zeroed in on him and took in his appearance. She smiled, “Wow, I didn’t expect that.”

“You and me both.” Subaru said as he caught his breath and tried to find his second wind. “We’re both… yin magic users, so-“

Nana cackled, then winced as she put a hand on her fractured ribs. “The Unseen Hands aren’t yin magic, moron.”

Subaru blinked in confusion. “What… does that mean?”

She rolled her eyes, and her four Hands emerged from her back like spider legs. They lifted her up about five feet into the air so she could stare down at him, a queen atop her throne. She turned her nose up at him and raised her free hand into the air.

“El Minya.”

A dozen purple crystals manifested around her body, like the ones he and those two girls from his last loop. Had that been the spell? El Minya?

“Do me a favor and stop using magic. It wears me out.” Nana pointed her finger at him and the crystals shot towards him.

Subaru threw himself out into the street to avoid the crystals that sped towards him. He rolled back on to his feet in a crouch, but something felt off about Nana. She was panting even more now, as if the spell had taken a lot out of her, too, minus the pain. Had something changed?

Only one way to find out.

Subaru raised his arm and shouted out. “El Minya!”

Instinct took over once again and half a dozen crystals appeared in the air between them.

Nana winced as the spell as cast. As those crystalline spearheads came for her, she used two Unseen Hands as shields as she ducked down under them. She threw herself at Subaru, Hands outstretched all around her.

Pain tore through him at the movement, but Subaru readied his sword and raised it to meet the Unseen Hands Head on without hesitation.

If this was his end, then he would go down fighting.

Well, it was worth a try-

"CAAAAP'INN!"

That was the only warning any of them got before a shirtless flying blonde boy came from down the street and roundhouse kicked Nana in the side with enough force to send her body careening in the opposite direction.

Subaru saw Nana cushion the blow by blocking it with her Unseen Hands, but that had been all she could do. That sadistic witch was obviously not expecting the savage sneak attack.

Then again, neither was Subaru.

"C-Cap'n!"

Subaru didn't realize the boy was addressing him at first. When he did, he noticed the excitement and disbelief that filled the blonde boy's eyes as they just stared at him. With his perceptions, he could feel the warmth of the boy's inner fire from where he stood. There was something strange about a ripped blonde guy with big, sharp teeth looking at him like that.

Even without the warmth, he could tell the boy was conflicted and unsure of what to do now. His fists were clenched and up, ready to fight, but his eyes told Subaru that what he really wanted to do was hug him.

Wait, he…!

“Hey, do you know my name?!” Subaru asked as hope blossomed in his chest once again. If this guy was a friend of Subaru’s, then surely, he could help him beat Nana, right?

The boy perked up as his eyes teared up. He grimaced with a mouthful of huge, sharp teeth and tried to wipe away his tears frantically. This wasn’t the time for crying!

“Ye-Yeah, yer… yer my Cap’n, Subaru!” The boy shouted. It was obvious he was struggling to control his emotions. “It’s me, Garfiel! Don’t ya… Don’t ya remember yer bro?”

“My bro?” Subaru muttered to himself but quickly dismissed it. “Look, we can talk later, right now-!”

“Yeah,” Garfiel wetly sniffed as Nana used her Hands to spider crawl towards them. “Let’s kill this bitch!”

Oh man, I like you! Subaru grinned as he threw himself out of the way of a Hand aimed for his chest.

Garfiel’s arms transformed into huge, muscular tiger arms and jumped to pummel the woman, but was swatted away like a fly by the Hands as if he hadn’t seen them.

He thought about Lesath’s battle with Nana and how she hadn’t dodged the Hands well, much like how Garfiel just did.

Wait, can they not see them? Damn it!

That must be why they’re called ‘Unseen Hands’…

Subaru manifested a single Minya crystal and aimed it for Nana’s torso, but using her Hands as a pivot she was able to swing around to avoid it. Thankfully, that little trick was able to keep her from crushing Garfiel with a large, shadowy fist that smashed the ground where he had been standing a moment ago. Subaru breathed a relieved sigh that he had survived.

“Garfiel!” Subaru shouted. “She has four invisible shadow Hands! We need to coordinate our attacks!”

“I can hear you, moron!” Nana said as she spun and sent her Hands spiraling outwards to swat everything on the street around them.

“Fall back!” Subaru cried as he threw himself on to the ground away from Nana’s swing.

Garfiel must have trusted Subaru implicitly because the blonde boy did exactly as he was asked and jumped several feet out of Nana’s range. He was glaring at the woman who, in his eyes, took out several building fronts and every streetlamp nearby with a single spin. How the hell was he supposed to fight something he couldn’t see?!

Subaru stood up and tried to think of a solution. He saw Nana send two Hands for the blind Garfiel, and so quickly shouted, “Dodge left!”

He did, which infuriated Nana. She turned her focus back to Subaru and used the chance to have her Hands swing around and collide with his side. Subaru crashed into the nearest house and landed in what must have been their family room before Nana’s swinging attack. From upstairs, there were frightened shouts and cries of children.

"Don' worry, I'm comin'!" The quick to recover blonde shouted as he jumped to his feet but was momentarily taken aback by his Cap'n.

Subaru jumped to his feet with a cut across his forehead and started charging for Nana. He closed the distance faster as if he were skating across the dimly illuminated cobblestones. Dark sword in hand, the raven-haired black knight painted a deadly figure with rage filled eyes. For just a moment, Garfiel questioned if the man he saw was really his Cap'n.

That moment passed and was replaced with both pride and sorrow. His sworn brother was amazing, he knew that from the day Subaru saved him and gave him the strength to live outside of Sanctuary, but this felt different. Garfiel watched Subaru dodge an invisible attack and carry on without breaking stride. It brought up a question in his heart he had buried deep, one he'd been unable to face and still couldn't, but demanded to be answered.

Did his Cap'n need his Shield anymore?

Screw that! Garfiel snarled and bared his razor-sharp teeth. The young demi-human launched himself towards the crazy bitch in the robes, prepared to back up his friend. I'll protec' the Cap'n whether he likes it or not!

The two remaining Hands coiled around Nana's body like a spring.

"Shamak!"

Darkness burst from Nana's body in an impenetrable, inky cloud. It quickly engulfed her, then spread outward in all directions until it reached Subaru and Garfiel. Both young men lost their senses inside the cloud but had enough where with all to understand attacking blindly was suicidal.

Nana didn't have that problem.

An Unseen Hand delivered a swift uppercut into Subaru's solar plexus, lifting him several inches off the ground and blasting the wind from his lungs. That same Hand then grabbed him and smashed him into the ground hard enough to crack stone. Subaru cried out in pain and terror as his last two deaths played through his mind, but the Hand firmly held him down and didn't harm him further.

It confirmed his theory. Nana really wasn't trying to kill him... yet. Not until she knew she couldn’t win.

Suddenly, the Hand’s pressure was lifted and the ground rumbled beneath his body. Something was happening, but he couldn’t see or hear anything. Taking the chance, Subaru rolled away and on to his feet. He ran in a random direction until he broke free of the cloud and his senses returned. Turning on his heels, weapons at the ready, he readied himself for the next round.

Something flew out of the cloud and collided with Subaru’s body. He hit the ground hard and managed to not stab himself. Rolling off him was the tiger boy who was cradling his side with his left arm as his right arm hung uselessly. Had Nana broken his arm? Thankfully, Garfiel’s free hand began to glow with a familiar healing magic against his injured limb.

Both boys stood together as they watched Nana’s Unseen Hands thrash and writhe in the cloud before disappearing and Nana herself was catapulted out of the cloud. She used her Hands to catch herself on to a nearby rooftop.

A figure stood where Shamak dissipated, a very familiar, but very fatigued looking figure that looked over her shoulder at a stunned Subaru.

“L-Lesath!”

“Hey, Su~Su.” Lesath said with a sad look in her unfocused pale eyes. She was swaying slightly on her feet while fighting to catch her breath, both her short swords grasped tightly in her delicate white fingers. It was plain to see the effort of partaking in the fight was taking its toll on her weakened state, as there was a fine sheen of sweat across her lithe athletic body. Even her spiky wolf-tail hung limply behind her.

The two of them held each other’s eyes for a second longer, each conveying silent emotions to the other that neither needed to speak aloud. Subaru’s mouth opened, but he closed it when no words came out. Lesath blinked a few tears away from her eyes, but she still gave him a soft smile as her sun shined in against his heart. Her warmth told him what he needed to know.

She wasn’t happy, she didn’t want this, but she chose him anyway.

Subaru felt tears prick at his own eyes, but he quickly wiped them away. He didn’t deserve this from her. The twisted purity of her love wasn’t his to claim.

Unable to sense the unspoken conversation, Garfiel decided now was the time to interject.

"Wait, yer tha’ healer that helped the Cap’n! Whadder ya doin here?" The blonde asked as he pointed a finger at the wolf-girl.

Apparently being drugged and feeling like death wasn’t enough to stop Lesath’s mischievous side.

"Just being a good girl." Lesath answered deviously before blowing a kiss back towards Subaru.

Both boys flushed and began sputtering.

"Whoa, where the hell-!"

"Cap'n, yer-?"

"No! I-"

Subaru’s words caught in his throat as he heard the telltale sounds of the mabeasts swarms somewhere in the darkness of the night sky, their flapping leathery wings and squeaks edging closer by the second. Memories of his last death plagued his mind. If he were honest, being eaten alive was probably the worst death he’d suffered so far, and it showed with his shaking limbs and the cold sweat running down his back.

“Cap’n?” Garfiel asked, seeing the terror evident on Subaru’s face.

Subaru audibly gulped, then said, “I-I’m fin- watch out!”

During the confusion, three Unseen Hands came for them. Being the only one who could see them, Subaru managed to jump clear of the shadowy fist that tried to sucker punch him down the sidewalk.

Lesath and the blonde boy weren't so lucky. The Hand snatched both demi-humans. The boy was smashed into the ground with the force of falling carriage while Lesath was yanked towards where Nana was crouched and holding her side.

"Let her go!" Subaru shouted as he brandished his blade and charged for his captured friend.

Lesath cried out; her arms pinned to her sides by curled shadowy fingers. She was struggling in vain against the impossible grip.

"You want this failure? Come and get her!" Nana screamed as she launched herself with Lesath in hand across the street and on to another rooftop before dashing down the street using her Hands.

The mabeasts were so close now, Subaru could see their glowing red eyes like flashing gems in the abyss. Nightmares became reality as they flew close enough to be caught in the lamplight. Some broke away and those few that followed Nana were giving chase, but the majority decided to stay and harass the less mobile prey.

Subaru's limbs felt heavy and weighed down, as if chained to granite slabs. He was frozen stiff as images of his guts being ripped open played through his mind on repeat.

Come on, damn it! Move! You have to move!

“Damn it, wha’ the hell are these things?” Garfiel shouted as he readied his beast transformation again, his arms enlarging into those of a tiger. He glanced at Subaru's back and saw the raven-haired hero shaking. While Garfiel understood fear, he knew his sworn brother as the bravest man he'd ever known.

To see him trembling like a child, Garfiel’s resolve faltered, and his brows knitted together in worry.

As if in slow motion, Subaru could see the details of the winged rats as they descended. Their sharp yellow teeth, wicked crescent claws, red eyes glowing with malice, and wide leathery wings all moved as if caught in molasses. Meanwhile, Subaru's heartbeat pounded in his ears as he internally screamed at himself to do something, anything!

Subaru’s grip on his sword tightened in an effort to control his fear, but he couldn’t bury the phantom sensations of those creatures eating him alive, their teeth and talons carving him for their bloody banquet. Every part of him wanted to run, it screamed at him to get away while he could, but he found his body couldn’t move because of that self-important voice in his head that reminded him that Nana had Lesath.

His friend was in danger, and she was counting on him to save her. Even if he was shaking with adrenaline and fear, Subaru knew he couldn’t run away this time. He couldn’t abandon his promises anymore.

I'm going to save everyone! No one else can do it now!

But what could he do? He could try to run, but the mabeasts would catch him in seconds on foot. Garfiel and he could fight them, but then Nana would get away with Lesath.

Wait... Garfiel!

Steeling his nerves against his budding phobia of flying rats, Subaru Natsuki looked to his blonde ally and gave his orders.

“Garfiel! Carry me and run!” Subaru said as he turned to meet the blonde’s eyes with every scrap of confidence he could muster

The tiger boy blinked once but flashed those sharp teeth with a grin of renewed confidence.

“Right!" He shouted as he dashed forward to pick up the taller boy.

This was it, his chance to protect his Cap’n. It was time he reminded him just how amazing he was!

When Subaru felt Garfiel's arm encircle his waist, he suddenly got a feeling that he had made a mistake.

"H-Hold on- WAH!"

Garfiel threw Subaru over his bare shoulder like a sack of tatoes with his head and arms dangling down Garfiel's muscular back. Calling on his Divine Protection of Earth Spirits, Garfiel manipulated the ground to raise up quickly just before he launched himself on to the rooftops after Nana. Using his damaged, transformed arm Garfiel punched through the swarm with one powerful thrust of his fist and blasted the black rodents to bloody bits that rained in every direction from the sheer force of his attack.

But Subaru didn't see that part. Instead, his view was that of the ground literally bubbling up and then rapidly distancing itself from them through a hole in a cloud of living black. Seeing how easily his new ally dealt with the mabeasts boosted Subaru's confidence immensely, even if it was from a shoulder that felt like a rock digging into his gut.

"Wow! Are all demi-humans this strong?" Subaru asked over the wind whipping their hair.

"Not all, but my amazin' self is the strongest here!" Garfiel shouted happily despite the dire situation, his chest swelling with pride. "Now, keep those rats off my ass while I get yer girl!"

"She's not my girl!" The already flushed knight protested.

As if on cue, the swarm coalesced and began its chase after it's fleeing prey. Subaru's dread returned as he saw not only that bunch of mabeasts coming after them, but as his eyes scanned the rooftops of the city, he swore he could see several swarms in the distance. It was hard to make out in the dark of the night, but since lights would dim and flicker then return to full brightness it left him with that impression. Here and there, he could see what must be offensive magic flying up from the streets at the mabeasts. Not too far off underneath a huge swarm, he could have sworn a number of large ice crystals flying through the night sky.

He heard more wings coming from his left.

"Garf, on your right!" Subaru shouted.

"Got it!"

The demi-human boy leapt towards his left as he continued his dead sprint after the tiny writhing mass that was Nana far ahead of them. Winged rats swept past where they would have been, causing Subaru to audibly gulp as he watched their furry bodies smash into the rooftop with little regard for their own bodies. It was as if they were overcome with ravenous bloodlust, but what caused such aggression was lost on the terrified boy. Were they starved?

Subaru held his sword up to keep Garfiel's bare heels from kicking it or the tip from dragging across the stone shingles. He was sure he looked ridiculous, but the hit to his nonexistent pride was easily ignored in the face of otherwise certain death. The flying rats were gathering more of their straggling fellows and now their numbers were replenished. Subaru knew that sooner or later he would have to do something, anything.

His fear of the mabeasts returned with every centimeter closer they came. He knew that if he didn't take a risk, they weren't going to outrun them forever. Against his better judgement, Subaru raised his free hand towards the demon rat pack and called out the only spell he knew would help.

"El Minya!"

Five purple crystals appeared in the air and fired almost instantly. At least three or four of the mabeasts were skewered and sent plummeting down into the street, either dead or unable to fly. Subaru would have cheered if he didn't feel so lightheaded after using magic again.

He thought about how he had manifested an Unseen Hand, just like Nana. The idea that he could use those evil things like his psychotic twin made him feel unclean, like the blood of every death he and Lesath suffered from those shadowy digits was somehow staining his own soul. It made his skin crawl just thinking about it, but he and Nana were so similar...

Were their powers the same?

"Hang on, Cap'n!" Garfiel shouted. He put more power into his legs and gained speed to outrun the flesh-eating creatures at their backs.

Subaru knew that if he didn't do something, it would be a repeat of his third death loop at Nana's hands. They would be overrun and even if they survived the beasts, they would fail to save Lesath and possibly die in some new, horrible fashion.

Closing his eyes, he could feel the writhing in his guts. Now that he'd done it once, it was like it was there waiting for him. He felt dirty, but as he bit his lip and tasted blood he was reminded of his promise. No matter what it took, he was going to save both of them. He was going to show Lesath life was worth living, he was going to hold Carina in his arms again, and he was going to apologize to everyone for being such a useless coward.

Even if it meant...

"Hey, Garf, no matter what, don't lose track of Nana, alright?" Subaru said as he opened his nasty, narrowed eyes.

"Who's that?"

"The woman we're chasing! T-The crazy one!"

Garfiel nodded. "Ya got it, Cap'n! Ya have a plan, huh?"

"Something like that." Subaru said. He took a deep breath and called upon the writhing mass he could feel craving release, as if it knew what he was going to do and approved. Trying not to think about those implications, Subaru just let the feeling guide him as he called out his attack.

"Unseen Hand!"

Two shadowy hands reached out of his lower back and sailed towards the flying rats in an arc like he was swinging a sword or stick. The Hand didn’t react to any resistance or slow in the slightest as it literally wiped the closest mabeasts out of the sky and cast them away with broken wings and bodies. Watching the blood and broken bones sail across his vision made Subaru a bit nauseous, considering here lately that had been him on the receiving end of such a fate because of these same Hands.

“Wha’ the hell was that?” Garfiel asked after hearing and catching a glimpse of the aftermath.

Swallowing the bile that rose in his throat, Subaru gurgled out, “Just keep running!”

“Are ya getting’ sick?!” The tiger boy noticeably cringed, as if from an unpleasant memory.

“Trying not-!”

As Subaru tried to finish his sentence, Garfiel prepared to jump across a street to continue his chase along the rooftops. Just as they neared the edge, however, a rising swarm of mabeasts cut off their escape by flying up from the street below. The sudden influx of squeaks and flapping wings filled Subaru’s ears. He tensed up reflexively, but Garfiel wasn’t deterred. Transforming his bad arm, he roared and pulled back his fist with the intent to power through the living wall that was circling down to cut them off and surround them.

"Stop!" a familiar voice called.

Four black arcs of condensed shadows sliced several descending mabeasts on both fronts just before they could meet and end the lives of the boys, cutting off Garfiel’s attack. The swarm broke away from its assault, apparently reconsidering after seeing so many of their kin mercilessly killed. Subaru watched them fall apprehensively from his perch on Garfiel’s shoulder, his thoughts broken by violence.

That... looked familiar.

A familiar cloaked figure descended from the rooftops to land several feet away from Garfiel and Subaru, their sword drawn and at the ready. Subaru knew instantly who that was.

Maia.

“I can’t let you two pass!” Maia said as she stood defiantly at the rooftop’s edge. She ignored the remaining mabeasts, who were now regrouping above them for their next assault.

While that naturally concerned both Garfiel and Subaru, something else clicked in their brains upon clearly seeing and hearing the mysterious girl.

"You're that brat who hit me in the face with a rock!" Subaru shouted.

“Yer the girl who puked on my amazin’ self!” Garfiel shouted at the same time.

The figure stumbled, then furiously pointed her sword towards him of them with an equally furious blush. "You- You dunderheads brought that on yourselves!”

“Who says that anymore?!” Subaru said, which caused Maia to scoff.

Garfiel got an intense sense of deja vu.

"Idiots!" Maia said, pointing with her blade to the mabeasts regrouping in the sky, then did a double take as if she just now noticed something about Garfiel. Her cheeks lit up. “Why are you still shirtless?!”

"That's what you're concerned about?!" Subaru snapped.

"Shut up, you don't get to have any input!" The new girl shouted back.

"Like hell, you brat!”

"Behind you!" Maia shouted, pulled out and threw a knife into a mabeast that had made a beeline for the boys during their back and forth.

Subaru didn't know what he could do, but he was mentally prepared to call upon the Unseen Hands. He refused to die like this again.

The creatures came at him with claws and pointed teeth, red eyes blazing, so Subaru hopped down from Garfiel’s shoulder and conjured up those vile shadow limbs once again. As the creatures finally rose up and began their aerial strike, Subaru let the Hands do their bloody work.

It injured a few, but it hadn’t stopped the tide.

Something else did.

“Ul Huma!”

A massive wave of ice rose up from the streets to their left and washed over the mabeasts, encapsulating them in a frozen prison. The biting winds whipped their clothes and hair around wildly but left them breathless with its sheer power. Subaru and Maia both had an inkling of who conjured that ice, but their reactions were the opposite.

While Subaru was grinning with relief, Maia’s stomach churned with anxiety.

“Hell yeah!” Subaru cheered, though his bro just looked pissed off. “Whoa, what’s wrong?”

“We don’t have time fer this shit.” Garfiel growled, his shoulders raised as if preparing to face a new enemy.

Subaru didn’t have time to respond before two figures rose up from the street with a magic amplified leap on to the rooftop.

The massive glacier began to break apart before the figures appeared. Snow and ice fell serenely through the air against the night sky, catching the lamplight and reflecting the myriads of colors like frozen embers that danced to their own tune. When the new arrivals crested the rooftop, they were momentarily suspended among these crystals that hung in the air. A very familiar masked maid with a blonde girl on her back hung in the sky like angel. Even from this distance, Subaru could see that as gravity took hold of them once again their expressions changed the moment they saw his face.

The blonde girl’s face contorted from a pinched anxiousness into a barely held back typhoon of emotion. Her little arms hung on to the maid’s shoulders just a little tighter, as if to make sure that neither of them could miss the scene before them. Her butterfly irises shimmered with unshed tears and her lower lip trembled on an adorable cherub face outlined by hair drills that bounced in the wind.

Beatrice couldn’t understand what she was seeing.

Subaru, her contractor, was right in front of her and staring up at them with a strange mixture of emotions. Beatrice thought she recognized them, but she lowered her gaze to hide her tears. When she felt Maia’s Od before, she had hoped and feared what she would find, but now she was confused as well as terrified. It was all because of the raven-haired boy that had meant the world to her, the one she betrayed in the cruelest way possible.

Logic told her that it wasn’t her fault, but her heart couldn’t accept that.

She had abandoned the boy who cried when he was alone, condemned him to a prison that matched the one she knew he kept in his mind, and ground his already broken heart into a dust finer than anyone had before. Beatrice didn’t need to hear him say these things to know them. Despite their contract being ended, she knew his heart in a way no one else did. When she received her lost memories, she had been the second person to break down that day they had slayed Lye, the Archbishop of Gluttony, and had their memories returned. The first had been Rem, who had cried out with worry when he hadn’t been there for her awakening.

Why hadn’t I been the first?

Beatrice cursed herself on so many levels. She had waited centuries for someone to save her, and she had thrown him into a pit. When Subaru had vanished, Beatrice had run through the city like a woman possessed. She had cried and screamed for him to come back, that she was sorry, that she needed him. Her pride be damned, Betty wanted her Subaru back.

With time came the quiet acceptance that he no longer wanted her in his life, and she couldn’t blame him. In the absence of his wrath and scorn, she had placed it upon herself. Like Subaru had a lifetime ago, Beatrice had become the one to weep as she tried to escape reality through dreams. But like Emilia, those dreams were plagued with her own failure. She and the half-elf contracted together out of a sense of guilt and kinship in their pain, their crimes. It felt right to share in the misery.

Seeing what could only be identified as hope atop the bittersweet apprehension on his face was just too cruel.

Why? Why would hope be there? She had to be wrong, delusional, there was no way Subaru wanted anything to do with her and Emilia. It had to be projection of her own heart’s most selfish desires, a lie, anything that could replace the truth. There was no hope left for Betty, no love, and no saving.

Yet as she descended from the starless sky towards the one who still shined the brightest in her heart, he was smiling.

Subaru Natsuki was... Happy to see her.

The Great Spirit of Yin fought back her tears as her lower lip trembled like a child’s.

How cruel he was, she thought. Subaru shouldn’t look at her like that, never again. Even the slightest bit of kindness felt like a hot iron in her chest. Was this what humans call hell? To be tempted and taunted by the things that they want most, the pains that sting the deepest?

It has to be. Because if it wasn’t...

Then Betty’s Subaru wouldn’t be reaching out to catch her.

Emilia’s face, even behind her mask, was easily read. She stared at Subaru with disbelief, as if stuck in a dream. As her shining amethyst eyes drank in his features, it felt like they were the only two people in the world. Her heeled feet were glowing a light purple as they clicked against the slanted stone shingles in slow motion. That glow vanished, and to her own surprise, Emilia’s foot slipped off the edge of the roof. Arms out, she fell backwards as her vision went from her long-lost knight to the darkness of the starless sky.

Her momentum halted when someone grabbed her outstretched hand.

She balanced herself on one foot and looked at the person who caught her.

There was a paled Subaru, her knight, gasping with worry as he held her wrist with one arm and used the other to grab a hold of one of Beatrice’s arms. He struggled to keep his own balance on the angled rooftop as he stared at her with those black eyes that she only saw in her dreams anymore. The fact that she almost fell to her death didn’t cross her mind. No, the only thing she could understand was the feeling of his skin brushing against her wrist and his face as the wind whipped their hair around their heads.

“S-Subaru?” Emilia’s voice was soft and easily consumed by the gust of wind.

He didn’t respond as he pulled her and Beatrice back on to the roof. Emilia’s free-floating foot found solid ground again, but her eyes never left him for a moment. They were so different than she remembered. Still troubled and tired, but... There was so much more life there now.

Emilia’s heart clenched painfully in her chest as Beatrice lowered herself from her shoulders. He looked good. Better...

You’re so much happier without me... Aren’t you, Subaru?

As the tears pooled in her eyes, she expected that look of shock to devolve into disgust, hatred, or even apathy. It’s what she deserved. Subaru...

“I’m so glad you’re here, you two.”

Her heart skipped a beat the moment those words left his lips.

It wasn’t anger nor disdain, but... Gratitude? No, that was impossible. Subaru wouldn’t be happy to see her and Beatrice. Not after what they’d done to him, or how they failed him.

Emilia’s knees almost gave out and instead she knocked them together in an effort to keep herself standing. She brought her white hands together and clasped them tightly against her pounding chest. Biting her lip hard enough to draw blood, the half-elf maid prayed that she heard wrong.

I don’t deserve hope.

“I really need your help!”

She flinched and lowered her head.

I don’t deserve to be close to you.

His hands encircled her upper arms and pulled her away from the edge.

The maid trembled under his touch, her walls crumbling with just the simplest of gestures.

“Emilia?”

I don’t deserve to hear you say my name.

The tears began to flow under her mask as she closed her eyes and clenched her delicate jaw. Her shoulders heaved as she fought back the sobs that she’d held in for a year. It wasn’t fair. She told herself that she’d accept his scorn, that she was resigned to live without him or his kindness. So why couldn’t she muster the strength to hold on to that promise she made?

I don’t deserve to be happy.

I don’t deserve to see you.

I don’t deserve to breathe the same air.

She couldn’t take it anymore. Her legs gave out and Emilia felt herself falling.

There’s so much I want to say to you, Subaru... So much I need to apologize for... I...

I... I hate...

I hate myself!

He caught her and held her against his chest.

“Hey, please don’t cry!”

I hate myself for what I did to you! I hate myself for failing you, for never giving you what you needed from me! I hate that I wasn’t there for you! But more than anything...

Her brilliant silver hair pressed against his collarbone as she wept into his shoulder, her body gasping for air and inhaling the smell of his skin and the salt of his sweat.

More than anything, I hate that I never told you I love you!

Subaru didn’t know what to do. When he realized it was Emilia and the little blonde girl, he thought that the calvary had arrived and that this was a sign that they were finally going to break the cycle of death. Not once did he expect that she’d break down like this and fall apart in his arms.

Sure, he remembered that Emilia was one of the key figures in his torture, but she hadn’t been hateful to him last time and had tried to save him then. It stood to reason that the same would happen here and now. Regardless of a past that he still couldn’t recall, the current situation was far more pressing than the things he didn’t remember.

Apparently, he was the only one who had that opinion.

As Emilia openly wept in his arms and pressed her body into his, he struggled to stay standing and fight off the blush across his features.

What the heck am I supposed to do now?!

Behind him, he could hear Garfiel approaching and growling menacingly.

“H-Hold on there, bro!” Subaru stammered as he glanced over his shoulder. “Let’s not do something-”

“What da hell do ya think yer doin’?” Garfiel growled at the silver maid and Great Spirit as they clung to his Cap’n, the man they had betrayed and sentenced to death. Once the Shield of the Emilia Camp, Garfiel now couldn’t stand the sight of these two being so intimate with his sworn brother and idol.

He ignored Subaru’s protests as his body radiated violence.

“Whoa, whoa, stop!” Subaru said as he tried to put his body in between Emilia and Garfiel. This was definitely not going in a direction he cared for. “Listen Garfiel, we don’t have time to settle anything now, okay? We have to save Lesath from Nana before she gets away!”

This finally seemed to get through to Garfiel. The young blonde brawler halted and though he was still scowling, it was obvious he was mulling over what Subaru had said. With a groan and a nod, he turned to head after Nana, but didn’t take his eyes off Emilia and Beatrice as he waited for Subaru to follow.

Subaru tried to gently separate from Emilia and Beatrice, much to their silent dismay. Neither of them protested, or felt they had the right to protest, when he began to follow Garfiel towards where Nana had run off to.

The two girls’ unconsciously reached out for him, only to meet air.

“No one is going anywhere,” Maia said as he brandished her sword once again. “Leave Lesath to us and go home. We aren’t going to hurt her.”

As if he had just been assaulted, Subaru’s face darkened into a hateful scowl at the thought of what Nana may do to Lesath if they didn’t hurry.

“If you think that, you’re an idiot!” Subaru snapped as he swiped a hand through the air between them. Maia flinched at the harshness of his words. “Do you have any idea what Nana has already done, or what I know she plans to do?! She wants to silence Lesath, Maia! Don’t tell me you’re that stupid!”

The younger teen’s eyes widened, and her sword arm trembled under the sudden weight of her blade, but not because of Nana’s actions.

“Y-You know my name...?” Maia asked, her eyes wide and glistening as all semblance of a fighting spirit evaporated from her body.

Even though the pain in Maia’s eyes tugged at his heart, Subaru didn’t have time to back down now. They were wasting too much time as is.

“Yeah, Lesath said it in one of my past loops.” He said as he marched up to the girl.

“Past loops?” Maia asked, her brows knitting together in confusion.

She wasn’t alone. Garfiel, Emilia, and Beatrice heard these words but didn’t understand their significance, nor did they have time to process them.

“Cap’n, be careful!” Garfiel said as he rushed to get between the sword wielding stranger and Subaru, using his own body as a shield. “If she’s working with the crazy bitch, then-”

“Maia, listen to me,” Subaru said as he tried to calm himself down. Something told him that being angry with this girl wouldn’t get him anywhere. “I need your help. Nana is going to kill Lesath. I know this for a fact, and something’s telling me that you don’t want that, right?”

Everyone waited for Maia’s response, which came as a hesitant shake of the head.

The tiger boy watched the girl closely, ready to intervene at a moment’s notice.

“Then let us pass!” Subaru said firmly. “I don’t understand what the hell is going on, but I can’t let Lesath die! So, stand aside!”

Maia was shaking, caught between two forces in an invisible battle. Her eyes were glued to Subaru and no one else, as if trying to get the answers from him with no success. If he were honest with himself, he felt sorry for Maia. He held no ill will towards her, even if she clobbered him with a rock last night.

Garfiel’s hands clenched into fists as his patience waned.

“You... Have to be wrong. Nana isn’t supposed to kill Lesath, she’s...”

Subaru sighed. He didn’t want to bring this up now, but he couldn’t wait any longer.

“Nana has already killed-”

“Enough of this shit!” Garfiel shouted as he pulled his fist back and transformed the limb. “The Cap’n said move!”

Despite everyone reacting almost instantly, Garfiel was faster. He swung his muscular tiger arm straight for Maia’s exposed face.

But was course corrected when Garfiel realized something else was coming.

Instead of Maia’s face, his fist met the twin blades of a black cloaked figure that appeared as if from thin air to his side. The force of his attack sent a shockwave from his bare hand through the air behind his new opponent, but she wasn’t fazed like he thought she would be. By redirecting his attack, he countered the figure’s sneak attack, but now he was stuck where he was. Garfiel transformed his other arm and readied to send another strike, but froze when the figure spoke.

“My, my, that was certainly rude.” A sultry voice chided darkly as the feminine figure pushed back against the blonde’s powerful attack.

Garfiel felt his stomach drop upon hearing that all too familiar voice.

“N-No way... There is no way! You can’t be real!” Garfiel shouted as sweat formed across his entire body. Gritting his teeth, he swung his free fist with all the ferocity and impotent rage in his body.

“I fuckin’ killed you!” He screamed as his attack hit home and destroyed everything in front of him.

“Oh? Have we met?” The woman asked from a safe distance on the far side of the roof, opposite of Subaru and Maia. The wind whipped her cloak wildly and obscured her features, minus her delicate hands that held twin daggers with easy familiarity. “I think I would have remembered facing you, little boy~!”

Garfiel watched in horror as the figure reached up and pulled the hood of her cloak down. Her doll-like face and beautiful dark hair were undisturbed from the violence, and instead of any sort of battle-ready face, the woman smiled seductively and licked her red lips with genuine pleasure.

Emilia, Beatrice, and Garfiel felt their world rock at the sight of an all too familiar assassin standing there, alive, as if she hadn’t been torn apart and burned just two years ago.

Elsa Granhiert smiled at the reactions of her next victims, as if it were one of the most beautiful sights in the world to her.

“So, tell me, little boy~, how do you know me?”

"Ul Huma!" Rem cried out as she sent spears of ice up to tear apart the diving winged beasts that sought to come at them head on.

Behind her, Ram's wind magic made short work of any coming her way. At first, Rem didn't understand why they captured their attention, but then one whiff of the little girl in her lap reminded her of the obvious. Like her Papa, Carina had the Witch's scent, and while not as potent as him, it acted as an attractant for the creatures.

Rem still didn't understand why Carina had the same smell, but if she hadn’t, she wasn't sure they would have gotten Patrasche's permission to ride her so easily.

Patrasche cried out as she barreled past another contingent of unlucky knights who were trying to address the invading mabeast horde in the skies above them. They tried to shoot down as many as they could with magic, but being in the city against fast moving aerial opponents didn't make slinging random spells the wisest of actions. Since everyone was either looking up or preoccupied with the masses of winged carnivores, it also meant too many people were either standing in place or running for cover.

Which just meant Patrasche had to either dodge them or run them over, but thankfully she had enough sense to avoid the latter if she could help it. With the mabeasts now paying attention to the two ground dragons and their passengers, Ram and Rem were forced to run interference with magic as the dragons navigated with smell alone.

Rem was solely focused on the bloodthirsty beasts and the path ahead, not the shouts nor the angry glares of the people they passed. She was going to find Subaru before anything happened to him. Her heart clenched with worry, for the anxieties would not leave her mind. What if she were too late? What if something happened to him?

What if he wasn't happy to see her?

What if Ram reached him first?

She gritted her teeth and tightened her grip on the reins of the black ground dragon. Carina's eyes stared at Rem's delicate white hands squeezing the leather reins hard enough to strain the material and her sigh was lost to the wind.

“El Fura!” Ram said and sliced another few mabeasts to pieces as they dove for Carina.

Rem knew she shouldn't let her jealousy get the better of her right now, but it was hard to dismiss it.

If sister thinks that I'm going to live in her shadow ever again, she has another thing coming.

"Out of the way!" Carina shrieked at another late-night wanderer who was staring up at the sky.

The poor guy barely had time to throw himself out of Patrasche's path before the ground dragon charged past.

"I'm sorry! It's an emergency!" Rem heard Otto shout in apology.

They weren't in the Commercial District anymore. Now the streets were lined with homes and apartments rather than shops, even if there were a few errant stalls here and there. Carts were abandoned as people hid where they could, but the beasts were largely ignoring the citizens. It seemed it was just them that caught their attention.

Patrasche cried out and picked up the pace suddenly, drawing everyone's attention. Rem sniffed the air and instantly understood why.

"We're close!" Rem shouted over her shoulder.

Something was coming down the street towards them along the rooftops, and with it a swarm of mabeasts hot on its tail. It was hard to make out from their angle, but Rem could feel Patrasche's agitation as it matched her own. Whatever that thing was didn't feel right, almost unnatural. The closer it came the better Rem could make it out.

Wait. Were those two floating figures?

"Graaaah!" Patrasche called out, her muscles tensing up in a way that Rem recognized instantly.

"Hold on to me, Carina!" Rem yelled as she braced herself around her self-proclaimed niece who did as she was told and not a moment too soon.

The black ground dragon leapt straight into the air at the approaching oddity, much to the shock and awe of many. As the fiercely powerful Patrasche rose into the air, the strange figures changed direction and launched themselves across the street right into their trajectory. In the air, both parties were caught off guard by the other's midair meeting and took in what they were seeing.

Rem and Carina met the eyes of a long, raven haired woman with Subaru's face as she flew beside the limp figure of what appeared to be a demi-human woman. Several emotions and expressions passed between each person and dragon, each unique to themselves.

Patrasche's reptilian eyes widened in shock, her senses having lied to her. This wasn't her beloved master.

Carina's face paled and dropped with dread at coming face to face with her most volatile and sadistic Auntie.

Nana's surprise gave way to a face splitting grin and narrowing, malicious eyes.

Rem's reaction came with the drawing of her Morningstar and the rapid shrinking of her pupils upon recognizing her from her beloved hero's vision.

"You!" She screamed with pure bloodlust before swinging her weapon straight for Nana's face. "What did you do to Subaru?!"

The strike never connected, at least not to its intended target. The spiked ball was thrown mid-swing straight for the ground by some invisible force which allowed Nana to pass over their heads unscathed. Both parties bypassed each other-

"Ul Fura!"

"Oh, shi-" Nana began, but was silenced when she was forced to wrap her three remaining Unseen Hands around herself to prevent her and Lesath from being cut to ribbons as they were thrown through the air.

Blades of wind sheared part of Rem’s shoulder length blue hair as they sliced just over her shoulder and collided with Nana. The younger twin turned her head to glare with demonic fury at her once beloved sister who met her gaze with her wand raised in the wake of her attack that cut the surrounding mabeast horde to ribbons.

Neither of them heard Carina’s fearful shriek, Patrasche’s cry of shock, or Otto’s near hysterical shouting at Ram’s reckless behavior. Instead, the only people in the world right now were them, and Nana. Curling her lip with disdain, Rem never broke her gaze as Subaru’s ground dragon landed in the street unharmed.

Both twins dismounted and faced each other-

“Damn it!”

They turned their bodies to face Nana as she struggled to her feet with the limp body of a female demi-human suspended behind her. It was clear she was either out cold or dead from the blood coating her scantily clad body and running down her beautiful face. Nana, on the other hand, was just as beaten up but still conscious. The twins felt the mysterious woman’s black eyes locked on to their forms and felt a sudden chill in the air as she grinned hatefully.

“That hurt, you oni tsundere.” Nana said with a strained voice as she rolled her neck to the side until it popped loudly. She breathed a sigh of relief. “So much better...”

There was something unnerving about seeing such a sadistic, vile look on the face of the boy they cared for, especially when it was on a stranger.

Ram and Rem approached Nana slowly, forming a two person front first line of defense for Carina and Otto. Neither wanted any harm to come to them, even if it meant they now had to stand beside one another. With Rem on the right and Ram on the left, they stood firm against the unknown enemy and prepared for a fight. As a sudden breeze carried the scent of blood and smoke, Ram raised her wand and pointed it at the leather clad woman while Rem raised her Morningstar in front of her.

“Identify yourself, now. I won’t ask again.” Ram demanded as the wind rustled her skirt.

“Where is Subaru? What have you done with him?” Rem asked through a clenched jaw, her weapon raised in a bloody promise. “If you’ve hurt him, I swear you’ll die here.”

“How rude!” Nana chuckled tiredly. “And here I was going to ask where you got your matching outfits. Maybe Big Brother and I could cosplay-”

The air to Nana’s left sliced a superficial cut along the right side of her neck before promptly decimating the front of the buildings on the same side in a line behind her.

“You will tell us what we want to know or be silent.” Ram growled.

“Ah, well, when you put it that way...” Nana’s smile turned pleasant as she shrugged. “If you’re talking about the idiot with my face, he’s back-”

The area between the two maids exploded with violent force. They were thrown in opposite directions as if a bomb had gone off between them, each girl smashing into the buildings on either side in a shower of glass and rubble. Neither even had any time to scream.

“No!” Carina screamed in shock and tried to hop down from Patrasche’s saddle.

Otto’s stomach dropped as his body went cold at the unexpected turn. Without dismounting Frufroo, Otto called out to Patrasche and using his Divine Protection, gave the order to run.

“Patrasche! Protect Carina and get out of here!”

The proud earth dragon bucked at the order but couldn’t deny the wisdom of such an act. Carina was a human child with her Master’s scent. She was his offspring. In service of the one she respected and cared for most deeply, the intelligent beast understood that no harm could come to the girl even at the cost of her pride.

Taking Otto’s orders, the ground dragon turned and ran.

“H-Hey, wait! Stop, stop!” Carina cried tearfully as the dragon took off against her wishes and dashed the way they came past Otto and Frufroo.

Knowing that Carina was going out of harm’s way, Otto felt better. Looking at this crazed woman with his friend’s face was unsettling, but he refused to abandon Ram and Rem to an uncertain fate. He was shaking as her gaze now turned to him and him alone. If he ran, how could he face himself again?

There was something that bothered him as he observed Nana’s abilities, however. She muttered no incantation and yet was somehow holding a woman and throwing oni maids without moving a muscle. While that was terrifying on its own, it seemed all too familiar...

Deciding to take a risk, Otto swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to buy some time.

“You... You’re Sloth, aren’t you?”

That caught the woman’s attention. Her eyes widened momentarily before she threw her head back and she cackled like a madwoman.

“Sloth? You think I’m Sloth?” She spread her arms out before her as if presenting the destruction to him personally. “Does this look slothful to you?!”

Otto said nothing as she straightened and softened her expression into something he once saw on her best friend, just before he’d introduce himself to a stranger and everyone around them. That harsh grin and piercing eyes were no longer that of this violent woman, but that of a happy Subaru Natsuki.

She raised one arm into the air and cocked her hips in that oh so familiar pose that Otto knew his friend had trademarked for his introductions.

“Since the cat’s out of the bag, anyway, let me introduce myself. I am a Sin Archbishop of the Witch’s Cult, representing Pride! My name is Natsumi Natsuki, and I’m my Big~ Brother’s~ loving twin sister.”

Nana, or Natsumi Natsuki, narrowed her senpaku eyes with a predatory smile as she tucked some stray raven-black hairs behind her ears before giving a curtsy in her nonexistent dress.

 “Nice to meet you!”

Chapter Text

“Damn it, these things are everywhere!” Felt cursed as she dashed through the streets at a full sprint, racing past clouds of mabeasts and knights, helping when necessary. “Where the hell are you, Big Bro?”

The city was full of these swarms, usually a dozen or two in size. Felt couldn’t understand what could have drawn these creatures to the Capital, or how they got into the city, but she had a feeling it had to do with Subaru. Trouble always followed that knucklehead, so this was probably no different.

She hadn’t run into anyone suspicious or weird yet, so she just scoured the city and defended anyone she saw in danger. Thankfully, the knights were being mobilized throughout the city, but they were too scattered to be everywhere. Every time she passed one, they seemed confused or overwhelmed. Most of the civilians were huddling indoors, which helped clear the streets during the crisis. Was it this bad in the slums? Was anyone bothering to defend those less fortunate?

She gritted her teeth in frustration. Of course, she knew the answer and it burned her to the core. If Subaru were safe, then she would have gone herself to protect them. Felt didn’t want to blame Subaru for any of this, but something didn’t feel right.

As she turned a corner, she came face to face with probably the dumbest thing she’d ever seen.

There was a silver-haired girl in a white kimono skipping down the street with a fiery blush across her face. Her movements were unsteady and sluggish, but she was singing gibberish and spinning around as if it were just an average day in the neighborhood. She hiccupped and lost her balance then fell on her butt with what would have been an adorable pout if not for one detail.

That would be the huge swarm of mabeasts making its way down the street towards her.

“The hell do you think you’re doing?!” Felt shouted in sudden panic. She called upon her Divine Protection and sprinted for the stupid girl. Fatigue was beginning to set in, and her body was coated in a sheen of sweat, but she knew she couldn’t leave her to die.

Felt reached the girl who just stared at her with a goofy grin and hiccupped again.

Is she drunk?!

“You’ve got to be kiddin’ me!” Felt growled.

The silver-haired girl was about Felt’s size, and apparently heavier than she looked, but Felt managed to pick her up bridal style and run to a nearby narrow alley just wide enough for two people to walk side by side.

It was dirty but should keep them from being overrun. The close quarters should make flying difficult. She hoped that they would give up and fly past.

Her hopes were dashed when they began to funnel their way into the alley, hell bent on getting the two girls.

Felt’s eyes widened as she tried to run through the alley with the girl in tow. When she emerged on the other side, she was met with another swarm coming from over the rooftops to cut off her escape. She tried to redirect herself to sprint down the street. Unfortunately, the silver-haired girl was flailing her arms which made carrying her difficult.

The flying rats closed in on Felt, their eyes reflecting their brutal intentions.

The blonde royal candidate looked over her shoulder and opened her mouth to scream.

Her scream was met with a rush of freezing wind and dozens of frozen spears flying over her head to tear the creatures apart mercilessly. Their blood and gore flew in every direction opposite of Felt and sprayed the entire street with their innards and fur. The macabre spectacle had only taken about five seconds.

Felt halted and turned her head forward to see who could have possibly saved her.

“E-Emilia?” Felt muttered, until her mind realized it was a mistake.

 Her eyes fell on a handsome white-silver haired man in a rather expensive looking outfit, his arm outstretched from his spell casting. His amethyst eyes and passive expression would have bordered on depression at first glance, but when he noticed Felt was looking his expression lit up with an easy, if a bit nervous, smile. As he made his way over to the two girls, Felt could see relief in his eyes and a light blush spread across his cheeks.

She, on the other hand, was trying not to stare.

“Thank you so much for protecting my sister!” The man said as he reached the girls. “She got into my brandy and ran off when I was distracted. I am so sorry for the trouble!”

He bowed too low for Felt’s taste, but her irritation returned in full force.

“She almost died!” Felt shouted in his face as he straightened up. “Look out the windows, you moron! This isn’t the time to be letting some drunk run around unattended!”

“Heh… Heh…” The man nervously chuckled, nodding with embarrassment. “Y-Yeah, like I said, I was busy and she got out-“

“What is she, your house cat?!” Felt growled and held the girl out to him. “Take her, I don’t have time for this! And get out of here before more of those things come back!”

“O-Of course!” He said and reached out. His bare fingers brushed against Felt’s exposed wrist beneath her sleeve, causing her to blush lightly as he took the girl into his arms. The girl promptly snuggled up against his chest like… well, a house cat. “She can be sooo troublesome. May I know the name of her savior?”

Felt was taken aback at first, but then stammered out, “I-It’s Felt.”

His eyes lit up even more. “Lady Felt! Ah, yes, I knew I recognized you! My name is Pollux! My sister and I are big supporters of-“

“Okay, okay, sorry but I’m kind of looking for someone.” Felt said, waving his words away before bringing her arm across her sweaty forehead. “Have you seen a raven-haired boy anywhere? He’s skinny, kind of dopey, has these scary looking eyes?”

The man, Pollux, brought a hand to his chin in contemplation before answering with, “I’m sorry, no, I haven’t seen anyone like that.”

Great.

“Shit,” Felt sighed then began running past Pollux. “Thanks! Live strong!”

Pollux smiled and waved to Felt’s back as she vanished from his sight.

He lowered his hand, and his eyes softened a bit. Lady Felt was charming, alright. At least one good thing came from Castor’s little stunt. Even if Castor hadn’t been in any real danger, he couldn’t have let Felt get hurt because of his mischievous loli sibling.

Smiling pleasantly, the elegant young man couldn’t help but be thankful her knight hadn’t been around for this encounter. Of course, he had been able to gather an idea of what was keeping the Sword Saint busy from some nearby knights and guardsmen. At least he had been able to meet the young Candidate before the carnival came.

“Welcome to the Family, Little Sister.” Pollux muttered a bit ominously as he made his way back to the office that served as their home.

Reality was truly a collection of perceptions of the world around them, and the situations the perceivers found themselves in at the time. It was typically an ironclad understanding, rooted in solid events and the understanding of said events. Though perceptions can be wrong, the reality people live in rarely is anything but fragile.

But to Otto Suwen, that reality was falling apart before his very eyes because of the single, blackened piece that grinned sadistically at him. The bonds he’d formed with his friends, the ones that had been broken, were now laid bare at his feet. The cruel irony, the pure unfairness, was like watching an already terrible lie give way to an even harsher truth.

This woman who wanted to do to his tormented friend hard… and may already have… was Subaru’s sister?

Natsumi Natsuki, the twin sister of his best friend and the man he looked up to most in the world… was the real Sin Archbishop of Pride.

There was no way…

But Otto was smart enough to see that it was obvious. The way she smiled, her piercing eyes, that raven hair, even her stature… It was all in the image of his lost friend.

The friend they had accused of being her, tortured because they thought he was her, and who left their lives because of her shadow destroying any trust or goodwill they could have offered him. Otto wanted to blame her so much, this stranger, but he knew he couldn’t. They had no evidence of her existence, so how could blame be placed on her? Their speculations, their fears, were purely their own selfishness and rage.

He wanted to deny it, but he couldn’t.

Subaru Natsuki was a strange man, jovial and easygoing. The people of Lugunica would have even used the words heroic, inspiring, or even understanding and kind. Subaru always arrived when they needed him most.

But Subaru had his secrets. There was pain behind his smile, but he would have done anything to help his friends. Otto knew that, even if he never knew the cause for his torment.

But now…?

Had Natsumi been the source of his pain?

Otto’s eyes sharpened as that thought settled in the pit of his stomach.

“Oh? What a scary look on such a cute face.” The woman, Natsumi, teased as she began to take steps towards him. “Let me guess… you’re thinking about my Big Brother.”

“Y-You got me,” Otto felt tense. He had no weapons, only a couple of fragmentation jars in his pockets, and Frufroo. How could he possibly fight this woman? “I… Subaru never mentioned a sister, so…”

Natsumi didn’t seem surprised. In fact, based on the lack of reaction, it seemed she even expected it.

“Big Brother won’t be forgetting me ever again.” She said as her body began to levitate before Otto’s eyes. “Now, be a good boy and don’t get in my way.”

“Sorry, but I can’t let you leave until you tell me what you’ve done to Subaru.” Otto said, his body tense in the saddle.

He could feel Frufroo’s agitation as she shifted her footing. She could feel this woman was dangerous. The idea of Otto being anywhere near this human made her twitch with anxiety.

Natsumi sighed and brushed a stray lock of hair out of her face.

“Wrong answer.”

Though Otto couldn’t see anything, he felt the killing intent behind Natsumi’s eyes moments before something grabbed Frufroo by the neck. Otto had no time to react when he was violently thrown from his saddle and on to the street to his left. He held on to the reins long enough to whip his body in a spiral before the leather slipped through his fingers. His side and shoulder hit the ground hard, the momentum forcing his body into a roll across loose stones and glass.

The red crescents in his exposed skin and the tiny tears in his clothes were forgotten the moment he looked at his partner.

“Frufroo!” Otto cried out with wide eyes.

Frufroo was on her side and squirming as if something heavy was crushing her neck into the street.

To his credit, Otto immediately stood up and charged at the Sin Archbishop while he fished something out of his pocket. “Let her go!”

Natsumi rolled her eyes. “You have no idea how tired I am of hearing that line.”

He raised his hand as he palmed a fragmentation jar he had purchased through some connections he had with merchants of the Gemini Company, ready to throw it at her as he ran to distract her. Otto had to get close for it was the only chance he had against someone like Natsumi.

But he’d never reach her.

Right as he was about to throw the contents in his fist, something unseen encapsulated his hand and squeezed tight.

The merchant screamed as the jar containing black powder and a fire crystal exploded in his hand. Flesh was burned away, his blood boiled, and the bones were charred splinters before he even knew what happened. Blinding pain buckled his knees, but Otto was held aloft by the same telekinetic powers that had assaulted Frufroo and the twins. Sweat dripping from his face and pained sobs contorting his muscles, he dared to spare a glance at his ruined hand. What he saw was a butcher’s leavings, nothing but scraps of meat clinging to a few bones as blood trickled from the ravaged remains.

His coat was destroyed to the elbow. It soaked up his blood and turned a dark verdant that would stick in his mind for the remainder of his life. Whatever power Natsumi was using must have also restricted the blast, as it would have killed him had something not interfered with the crystal’s power.

Part of him wished it had killed him.

It hurts! It hurts! It hurts!

Otto was a screaming mess as he tried to claw whatever foul ability held on to his ruined arm. The agony ripped nearly every shred of coherent thought from the merchant’s mind. Behind him, Frufroo, the intelligent and loyal creature that she was, saw his plight and began a new life or death struggle to come to his aid.

Natsumi, meanwhile, hovered above them like a bloody queen atop a throne of Unseen Hands.

“No! No, please!” Otto shrieked in vain.

The Sin Archbishop stared down at him in contempt.

“I told you, Otto Suwen.”

His eyes hyper focused on her face the moment she uttered his name.

She grinned, knowing she had his attention and basked in it.

“You gave me the wrong answer.”

Invisible touches grabbed Otto’s face, cutting off his airways. He kicked and screamed, but his pleas were muffled as the force became stronger and stronger. Bones creaked in his ears, his jaw felt like it was about to dislocate and slide back into his throat. Through the pain and the tears, he knew this was his end, but he begged anyway.

I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die, I don’t-

Everyone just stood with a mixture of emotions at the woman on the other side of the rooftop. Subaru was lost on who exactly this beautiful woman in the revealing outfit was, and why she had Garfiel and Emilia trembling. The little blonde girl was staring at her in disbelief. Thankfully, the only one who didn’t seem too affected was Maia, who seemed to not recognize her, either.

“Elsa… There is no way yer alive! I-I killed ya! The Cap’n’s plan, the mansion, I-“ Garfiel stammered, his emerald green eyes shaking in their sockets as his muscular chest rose and fell.

“I’m not sure what you mean. I’m sure I’d remember dying.” Elsa responded with a bit of amusement, her eyes never leaving them. “But no matter. My new orders are clear.”

Each of them felt a shiver down their collective spines as they unconsciously inched themselves closer to Subaru, as if to protect him for what they each knew was coming.

“How?!” Garfiel shouted. “How're ya here?! I-It’s no' possible!”

It was obvious Elsa was getting bored with answering him. She sighed and began to walk towards them.

“Then maybe I’m a ghost.”

His breathing hitched.

“Still, I can’t help but wonder what your bowels look like. Mistress was clear on what to do should something like this happen, after all.”

A sudden piercing pain cut through Subaru’s thoughts, causing him to grunt.

“M-Mistress…?” He muttered, unknowingly drawing Maia’s gaze to him.

With speed so great she became a blur, the woman attacked with her dual blades. Knowing that Garfiel would be able to stop her once again, she decided to aim for a different target.

Emilia.

“Fura!”

A gust of wind blasted Elsa’s body like a buffer, slowing her down and halting her advance as if she ran into a moving wall.

Elsa’s eyes focused on the spell caster.

Maia’s eyes were wide, and she was shaking with fear and confusion, her hand outstretched towards her spell’s destination. It was obvious to the bowel hunter that her assessment of Maia was correct, that she was far too sentimental. Even if the girl was aware of the plan, her last-minute protection of the silver-haired half-elf revealed what Elsa had long suspected: that she had yet to fully accept Emilia’s fate.

The sultry smile never left Elsa’s lips, nor did the look in her dark eyes at Maia’s little rebellion. She was still a child, and now she would have to be corrected before she made the same mistake as Lesath.

As her body was repulsed, Elsa’s eyes fell on to Subaru’s adorably infuriating face.

It appears I will have to wait longer than I thought to gaze upon Master’s bowels.

“Minya!”

Half a dozen large crystals appeared in the air above her head and came down with the intention of killing her, but the assassin deftly leapt back to avoid them before brandishing her blades to block the next strike from a large, muscular tiger arm.

“Get tha’ hell away from us!” Garfiel cried out as he began to rain down strike after strike against the bowel hunter, forcing her on the defensive.

“Beako, we have to help Garfiel!” Emilia said worriedly as she looked back at her contracted spirit. “I don’t understand what’s going on, but we can’t let him face her alone!”

The blonde spirit girl looked over at Subaru with a worried look in her butterfly pupils, a silent plea of sorts that drew Emilia’s own eyes to her former knight. He looked between them with mild confusion, unsure of what they wanted from him at first. When he realized what they were thinking, his eyes darkened with guilt.

Of course, they didn’t want to part from him so quickly after reuniting with him. Whether it was to aid the distressed Garfiel or not, it didn’t matter. He could feel their warmth against his heart and knew that they cared for and missed him dearly. It surprised him at first, as they were the primary culprits in his imprisonment, but that had been the old Subaru.

It didn’t feel right to hold on to a bitterness that no longer belonged to him.

So, Subaru made a choice.

He smiled like he wasn’t scared and gave them a thumbs up that felt weighed down by the gravity of his darkest thoughts. Subaru bottled up the negative feelings he felt, the guilt and shame, and even the kernels of outrage he wanted to nurture out of some misplaced feeling of retribution for who he used to be. Right now, they needed him to be the Subaru they knew, even if it was a lie.

Because that’s what this Subaru Natsuki was good at: being an imposter.

“Please, take care of Garfiel! I promise we’ll talk after everyone is safe, so you two take care of yourselves, too!” Subaru kept his voice high and more confident than he felt, but it was the best he could do.

Despite his best efforts, he could see that even though the two girls didn’t buy his act completely, they exchanged knowing looks towards each other and nodded.

“Betty is going with you, Subaru.” Beatrice said, her voice adamant as she clenched her tiny fists.

He was dumbfounded.

“W-Wait, what? I thought you and Emilia-“

“I can support Garfiel without Beatrice,” Emilia said with a sad smile as she turned back towards the battle. Without facing the blonde child spirit, she conjured a sword of pure ice magic in her right hand and said, “Protect Subaru. We’ll meet up with you when we’ve defeated Elsa.”

Subaru was sputtering a response but couldn’t finish before Emilia charged off at the two who were still exchanging blows down the row of buildings in the direction they had come from.

“A-Aren’t you worried about her? I mean, that woman-“

He stopped when he realized that Beatrice was watching him with barely contained emotions, a paper-thin dam holding back a tsunami of unsaid feelings. Realizing that he was going to lose this argument no matter what he said, he resigned himself to having the blonde spirit by his side. Some part of him was thankful for her aid, whatever it may be. He’d watched Beatrice conjure Minya crystals, so surely that meant she could fight.

Now, time for the last obstacle.

Subaru looked over his shoulder at the panting younger teen and felt an ache in his heart. She looked so scared, so confused. It reminded him of himself. He was just as lost as she seemed in her reddish-pink eyes.

If Lesath and he had known each other, then had they, too…?

“Maia?”

The girl’s attention was pulled towards him. She looked up at him like a scared animal, as if saying her name was both wonderful and painful at the same time. If that didn’t answer his question, he didn’t know what would.

Reaching out to her, he offered his hand to her without touching her own. This had to be her choice, not his. He knew that, even if he needed it to be made quickly. Something about this Elsa woman terrified Subaru’s past friends, and whether she was phantom or not, he couldn’t waste any time with her.

“I’m going to save Lesath. Will you help me?”

Maia and Subaru held each other’s gaze, an unspoken bond between them that he was unaware of. He was afraid of what secrets he’d uncover about himself through this girl, but despite that fear, he had to push forward. The choice he made in his last loop compelled him down this path, and so he asked her one more time.

“Maia, please… I’m useless on my own. I need your help if we’re going to survive this, because whether you take my hand, I’ve already made my choice.”

Beside him, Beatrice’s hand reached up to rest against her aching chest.

The young girl’s torment was palpable. Her lips trembled and her eyes glistened with tears as she fought against something within her mind. Even if it was selfish, Subaru was forcing her to make a critical choice, one with far reaching consequences. Maia felt so conflicted that her heart felt like it was breaking.

“If I do… then I’ll be going against the orders I was given.” Maia said with a small voice.

“If I don’t go, then I’ll be breaking my promise.” Subaru countered as he lowered his hand. “I can’t let Nana kill us again. This time, I’ll stop her.”

Maia’s eyes hardened a bit and the grip on her sword tightened. She stiffened her trembling lips. “What do you mean… killed you again? You said something like that before. What do you mean ‘past loops’?”

Beatrice’s eyes widened as she finally registered that bit of information. Her head snapped towards Subaru, her once large pink pupils now a fraction of their size. The little spirit’s body was starting to shake.

“S-Subaru, what…? Betty doesn’t understand, in fact.”

He sighed and placed a hand on the blonde’s head, but it didn’t deter her swimming gaze. Whether it was this unknown girl or Subaru’s past friends, no one knew about his cursed ability. No one understood what he meant, nor could they remember the events that he had lived previously. Once again, Subaru was reminded of how alone he really was.

“It means I know what Nana is going to do and I’m going to stop her.” He crouched and somberly offered to let Beatrice climb on to his back. “I’ll explain later. We’ve wasted enough time.”

But Maia wasn’t done with him, it seemed. She grabbed his left shoulder and curled her fingers into the fabric of his coat, drawing his eyes back to her.

Her eyes were as sharp as a blade nestled above tear-stained cheeks.

“I’m coming with you.”

Subaru rolled his eyes at the girl.

“Took you long enough to make up your mind.”

She glared at him now with piercing eyes.

“Just shut up and follow me!”

Something jostled the powers holding Otto hostage, forcing the Natsumi to release him to the street.

Otto fell and cradled his ruined limb. Gritting his teeth, he lifted his head to see why Natsumi hadn’t killed him.

A rather fierce swing from Rem’s Morningstar sailed clear over his head as Natsumi dodged the strike like an ethereal dancer. Her body bent expertly to avoid the hit, but almost took an ice spear to the side had her invisible powers not blocked it during her maneuver. The blue maid emerged from the ruined building in a bloody, torn maid outfit, her horn shining like a beacon of rage that her soft, beautiful features reflected. With a shout, Rem swung her weapon down to crush Natsumi into the ground.

Natsumi was able to evade once again by sliding forward towards Otto, then jumping over his body as Frufroo managed to wiggle free. As she did, the unconscious demi-human sailed after her through the air. This close, Otto was able to recognize her.

Miss Lesath?!

What in the world was Natsumi doing with the healer that saved Subaru?

Natsumi held the woman close and stood beside Otto’s prone figure, her mouth hung open as she gulped in air. “N-Nice try, kiddos. But I have hostages-“

“Fura!”

Another blast of wind slammed into Nana and sent her backwards with Lesath, the wind whipping over Otto’s body with gale force.

Frufroo ran to Otto’s side the moment the magic winds vanished, standing over him protectively as the maids battled Natsumi. Otto managed through the pain to lift his head and shout, “Ram, s-stop!”

Sensing the advantage, Rem charged after Natsumi and swung her Morningstar with murderous intent. Thankfully she put Otto behind her as she attacked and drove Natsumi away from him with an overhead swing of her weapon. The blue oni’s savagery was frightening to behold. Otto couldn’t help but notice that Rem’s attacks were getting a little too close to Lesath with every swing.

He feared that in her bloodlust that she would hurt Lesath just to get a hit on Natsumi. When she swung her weapon once more, it almost hit the poor woman clutched to their enemy’s chest.

Natsumi managed to pull the girl out of the way in time, but the message was clear.

Rem didn’t care about any hostages.

But as Ram, too, emerged from the broken building with cuts and splinters all over her body, there was no concern in her eyes, only wrath. Her maid outfit was ruined and torn apart, much like Rem’s. Blood ran down the left side of her face and into her eye, but she wiped it away angrily as she rejoined the fight.

Rem jumped into the air, her weapon swinging over her head as she brought it screaming down towards the two women. Natsumi spun away and managed to evade getting crushed, but it was obvious the continued assault was affecting her already weakened state.

As Rem swung the Morningstar in a horizontal arc once again, her now dark blue eyes shot a glance at her approaching twin.

Her grip on her weapon’s chain grew a bit laxer.

Otto saw what was coming, and screamed, “Ram, look out!”

The elder of the twin oni’s saw the weapon coming closer and closer in its trajectory to hit Natsumi. With a startled yell, Ram flung herself to the ground as the deadly sphere sailed over her body at bone-breaking speed. The newly kicked up wind sent dust and small bits of debris airborne from the sheer force Rem used in her swing, some of which stung Ram’s eyes as well as whipped her disheveled hair and clothing.

All the while, Ram’s heart emptied itself just a bit more.

She would have killed me!

Pulling herself to her feet as Natsumi caught the Morningstar and parried it into the building beside her, Ram raised her wand and let her fury overtake her judgement.

“Stay down, Otto! El Fura!” The pinkette ordered.

The wind hit Rem in the back and Natsumi in the front. The blast sent the maid forward and to the left into the building that housed her stuck Morningstar. Natsumi hit the same building’s corner and crumpled there with Lesath still against her chest. The demi-human’s body fell to the side and landed limply on the sidewalk beside Natsumi’s body.

Ram was panting, her mana almost spent, but she only just now realized what she had done.

“M-Miss Lesath!” Ram said as her rage abided long enough for her to understand she could have killed the innocent healer.

The pink maid hurried over as fast as she could manage, her wand at the ready should Natsumi strike while she approached.

The clinking of chains echoed in Ram’s ears.

She turned her head to the left, towards the sound, right as a very familiar spiked sphere slammed into her body and smashed her into the nearest wall.

The crunching of bones and the weak scream that escaped Ram’s throat were overshadowed by the explosion of rubble and debris that consumed her body as the front of the building collapsed atop her. Her senses were scrambled, everything blinded by the pain and pressure of rock and timber.

Even though she thought it hurt already, the pain of the Morningstar being retracted to its owner was excruciating. With a wet squelch, the spiked weapon pulled its merciless barbs out of her now punctured, broken body and took her blood and flesh with it. The sudden opening it left for Ram’s blurry vision allowed her to confirm what she already knew.

Rem stood there on the sidewalk by Natsumi, her horn shining as her mad eyes glinted with malicious glee over a frighteningly soft, bloodstained smile.

Then the rubble fell, and Ram saw no more.

Garfiel delivered another powerful blow against the formerly dead assassin. Sweat dripped off his body not out of exertion, but pure frustration and terror. It wasn’t that he knew he couldn’t best Elsa, he already had in the past. What bothered him was the fact that she was here, now, and not a figment of his guilt or weakness.

How th’ hell is’she alive?!

He wracked his mind for this answer over and over, beating his brain just as his fists struck blow after blow against Elsa. The fight had left his body covered in shallow cuts, each an attempt at his life or to incapacitate him on her part, but none having done enough damage to stop the gorgeous tiger. Fangs bared and eyes wild with ferocity, the next punch he delivered was once again deflected by Elsa’s blades, but it was strong enough to send her arm out wide.

Sensing the opening, Garfiel didn’t hesitate to pull back his other fist for another attack.

Elsa anticipated this and tried to put some distance between her and Garfiel, only to be caught up with diagonal slash of a sword made of mana infused ice that would have done serious damage to her torso if she hadn’t spun on her heel and parried the strike with her other blade. As much as she hated to admit it, these two were proving to be difficult to handle.

Their one hang up was…

She smiled sweetly as she slipped out of range of Garfiel’s punch. If Emilia had pressed her attack and taken a single step forward after Elsa, then that single punch would have hit her square in the jaw and possibly taken her out of the fight. The half-elf yelped and stumbled backwards as Garfiel got into her personal space and redirected his melee back to Elsa, clearly ignoring their near accident.

Watching them amused Elsa. This was why she had lasted so long with so little injury. The tiger boy was struggling to reign himself in, and because of that, the elf and demi-human were tripping each other up.

How foolish. According to Master, these two should have been much better at fighting together. Had her presence really affected the tiger boy that deeply?

“Sta’ still ‘n die already!” Garfiel snapped as he stomped on the rooftop, causing the stone shingles to reverberate in all directions like an earthquake from where his foot struck.

Elsa managed to stay standing, but it prevented her from reacting in time to their combined attacks.

“Ul Huma!” Emilia shouted as she conjured a large spear of ice and launched it at Elsa.

She could have dodged it easily, even without leaving her spot, but when Garfiel charged to deliver another devastating strike to his ‘immobile’ foe, he almost intercepted the spear with his own body. It sailed past his ear and the wind disheveled his hair, startling him just long enough for Elsa to lean to the side and cut a stripe just under his diaphragm.

“Garfiel!” Emilia shouted worriedly.

“Gah, fuck!” The tiger growled as he managed to hop back at the last possible moment to avoid an even worse fate.

Elsa giggled, but didn’t waste any time pressing the advantage. He was on uneven footing and off balance. She slashed her dual daggers with a dancer’s finesse, repeating cutting and slicing her blonde opponent to weaken him.

But to her momentary shock, a thick coating of ice rose up from her feet and encased her legs within a frigid prison.

Garfiel grinned like a feral animal.

“Gotcha!” He said as he threw a fist straight for Elsa’s black heart.

“Heh… Heheheh!” Rem cackled as tears rolled down her bloody face, the salt stinging the cuts and splinters in her skin.

In her madness, Rem couldn’t understand why Otto was screaming at her, nor could she understand what was so wrong with what she did. Ram was her rival. She had tried to kill her, right? With her gone, she didn’t have to live in her shadow anymore. She didn’t have to worry about Ram stealing Subaru from her.

Yes, that was right! With Ram gone and Emilia forgotten, Subaru was-!

No, no, that’s right. He was married.

Rem’s soft smile grew and grew until it nearly cut her face in half.

So what?

Her head rolled to the left and landed upon Natsumi and the demi-human healer. Once she took care of this bitch, then she’d find Subaru. She’d find him and keep him safe. No one would separate them ever again. Maybe he’d agree to take her as a second wife. Rem was sure she could... Convince him.

She took slow, deliberate steps towards the fallen woman. At some point, she must have managed to either wake up or hold on to her consciousness because her black eyes flicked up to glare at the blue maid. Natsumi made no move to fight back, but rather just stared up at Rem with impotent rage.

“That was cold, killing your sister like that. Doesn’t that bother you even a bit?”

Did it? Rem wasn’t sure right now.

Instead of responding, she raised coiled back the chain of her weapon and held it high above her head like a whip. She was more than aware that the links were as sharp as a cleaver and could dismember someone with her strength.

Unfortunately for Natsumi, that was Rem’s intention.

She giggled darkly as Natsumi continued to hold her gaze, until something registered in her blood crazed brain.

Is that what Subaru would look like if-?

Rem froze up, her smile vanishing in an instant.

Natsumi had Subaru’s face. Every expression on this woman’s face reflected her beloved’s. Her stomach rebelled at the thought of Subaru going through any of the pain Natsumi was going through in their fight. The very idea of doing this, any of this, to her hero made her knees shake and bile rise in her throat.

No, this woman- she hurt him! She hurt Subaru! I have to-!

Yet her mind kept seeing him there, not Natsumi.

She pictured him looking up from the floor of a dirty prison cell with that same, venomous look. Blaming them with his eyes rather than his words. Those eyes, or rather Subaru’s eyes, were not jovial or gentle. No, those eyes were full of hate and contempt.

Had that been the look on his face when they abandoned him?

... When their foolishness had led to his torture?

Guilt welled up in her chest like a volcano ready to burst. How could she even entertain such a thought? She could never do something like this to him, she loved him!

She loved him even more than she loved-

Blue eyes widened and shifted to look at the rubble where her twin lay beneath.

“R-Ram…”

Then something slammed into her chest and sent her careening down the street

The Unseen Hand retracted as Natsumi used another to help herself to her feet. Everything hurt, but she had a job to do. Looking at the blue maid struggling to rise once again, Natsumi reached down and grabbed a hold of Lesath's body. Hoisting it up to face her, she reached down to her belt and withdrew one of the vials that had miraculously survived the fight. She said a silent thank you before grabbing a fistful of Lesath's hair and holding her head steady.

"You brought this on yourself." She muttered before popping the cap off and violently ramming the glass into Lesath's left eye.

"No! Miss Lesath!" Otto shouted from where he was, his brow covered in dirt and sweating from the agony of his missing hand. During the intense fight, he took his belt off and wrapped his hat around the mess of sinew and mangled flesh. Using his belt, he tightened it around his wrist as tightly as he could and tied it off.

The demi-human awoke from the pain and cried out weakly, incoherently, as the glass scraped against the back of her socket and viscous liquid leaked from her pierced eyeball.

Then the scream changed and became bloodcurdling as blood began gushing from the wound. Lesath struggled to escape, but the grip of the Unseen Hand was absolute. She pulled her head away from Natsumi and the woman let her do so, the damage done. Her remaining lupine eye rolled back into her head as she slowly drifted away.

"Su~Su... Su~Su... Su-" She mumbled through her pain moments prior to her entire body stiffening and shuddering violently in the throes of a seizure.

Natsumi unceremoniously dropped the demi-human to the hard ground and sighed in relief. Now, given enough time, she wouldn't be able to leak any more information. At least she made it this far this time.

Hopefully this was the last time she had to experience this stupid loop. Though, as she glanced over at the rubble where Ram lay, she wondered if she should be worried. Big Brother was very clear who was expendable and who wasn't.

If Ram was dead, then she'd have to redo everything...

The clinking of chains reminded Natsumi that she wasn't finished yet.

Bringing her attention back to the blue maid, Natsumi raised her chin and curled her lip at the fact she was still standing. When the girl swung her weapon again, Natsumi caught it with her Unseen Hands once again and pulled on its chain. Rem was nearly lifted into the air as Natsumi yanked on the chain with the strength of her Authority. The blue maid's heels dug into the ground, shattering the stonework and tearing into the soles of her black shoes, but Rem didn't budge more than a few inches.

At least, until something collided with her kneecap and snapped it backward.

Rem screamed as her leg gave out with white hot agony running up her limb. She put all her weight into her remaining good leg as her horn flared to life once again.

"El Huma!" Rem said as a series of ice spears appeared around her body and shot towards Natsumi.

"Not this time!" Natsumi growled as she coiled her Unseen Hands around herself as a shield. The ice broke upon her invisible barrier, bringing a self-satisfied smirk to the evil girl's face. "Without that dead weight, you don't-"

"Graaah!"

Natsumi's eyes widened as what could only be a ground dragon slammed into her back and threw her back into the street. She hit the ground hard and bounced once from the force. But rather than give her a chance to collect herself, the ground dragon chased after the woman and stomped where her torso was just a moment prior.

Rolling away at the last second, Natsumi jumped to her feet to come face to face with the black ground dragon from before, but something was different. Narrowing her eyes as the beast charged her again, Natsumi realized that this dragon had no rider.

Where the hell did Carina-?

The beast headbutted Nastumi and flung her into the air once again, but this time at a 45-degree angle into the sky. Pain erupted from her already broken ribs as she soared through the sky and coughed up blood midflight. She could see the black ground dragon already on the move. It was racing after her, like she was some toy being tossed around rather than a person. As she neared the ground, Natsumi extended her Unseen Hands to not only catch herself before hitting the ground, but also to grab the black dragon before it slammed into her again. She wrestled it to the ground and roughly slammed it on to its side.

"That hurt, you little shi-"

Another ground dragon, the one Otto called Frufroo slammed into Natsumi and barreled her into the side of a nearby abandoned carriage. If she hadn't used her Unseen Hands to protect herself, it probably would have killed her. She screamed in frustration and threw the blue dragon away from her as she fell to her knees in pain. Otto must have sent Frufroo after her when the black dragon attacked.

Raising her head, she saw both beasts coming for her.

"I've had enough of this!" She screamed and unleashed her Unseen Hands upon the hapless dragons, lifting them into the air and slamming them into each other and the ground before throwing the black one through the air and the blue one back towards a now standing Otto. The body of his ground dragon landed on him and pinned him beneath her limp body.

Otto was terrified and in pain. When he sent Frufroo to help Patrasche, he thought that this was the final straw before the end of the fight. That by doing this, by taking a risk, they would be victorious over this insane woman and finally end it.

How wrong he had been.

He was on his back as his legs were trapped under Frufroo's body. His ground dragon and closest companion were alive, but in pain. Her breathing was haggard, and she was having trouble getting her bearings. From his place, Otto watched helplessly as Natsumi's body levitated towards him jerkily, like a malfunctioning wind-up toy. Dust and rock were kicked up as what he assumed were her invisible powers made handprints into the street like an animal crawling on all fours. Natsumi's limbs hung limply as she used her powers to bring her towards him with a furious glare and bloody teeth bared.

Something came down on Frufroo's back with enough force to crush Otto's legs beneath her. Both master and companion cried out in pain, but Frufroo whipped her head around to snap at Natsumi's legs. The woman floated out of Frufroo's reach, which gave the dragon enough room to get her legs under her.

Frufroo pushed off with her powerful legs and opened her mouth wide to tear Natsumi limb from limb.

But Frufroo was caught and forced to the ground, her open jaws still reaching for Natsumi who merely stared into the maw of the dragon with a twisted smirk.

Otto felt his blood run cold.

"N-No, Frufr-!"

A sickly wet crunch pierced the air as Frufroo's jaw was broken and his beloved companion was lifted and thrown on top of him once again. His head bounced off the street and everything went dark.

The meteor-like fist hit Elsa’s left shoulder as she leaned her body out of the way, shattering the joint but not ending her life. Even if the pain would have been excruciating, Elsa didn’t show any reaction other than a light blush and a sultry smile as she brought her right-handed weapon to bear.

Garfiel felt the blade dig into his muscled abdomen.

“No! Garfiel!” Emilia shouted angrily as she gripped her twin ice blades and dashed forward.

The tiger boy grinned when Elsa realized what was about to happen. She tried to pull her blade free of his guts, but found her wrist being immobilized and crushed by Garfiel’s steel grip as he held the weapon and her in place. The blade hadn’t sunk as deep as she had intended due to his catching her wrist. Now with him holding her there, and her other arm dangling uselessly, the outcome was obvious.

“Wha’- dammit!”

Garfiel growled as Elsa managed to plunge her left dagger into his side as if she could ignore the damage already done to her shoulder. It burned like hell and forced Garfiel to grab that wrist as well, but the result would remain the same. Emilia would reach them and finish off this bitch once and for-

“Goa.”

Then he felt his body being pulled forward to the sound of ice shattering.

Emilia was an emotional mess. Not only had she been reunited with Subaru, but he didn’t hate her or Beatrice, at least not enough to outright reject her presence. That alone had sent her mind reeling from shock and guilt, but now she was fighting with a dead woman that had tried to kill them not once, but twice! To further add fuel to the fire, Garfiel was so unnerved that they were less fighting her together and more participating in a free-for-all.

She wasn’t in the right mindset to be fighting someone of Elsa’s caliber, let alone trying to assist Garfiel, who openly hates her guts.

It made them ineffective and dangerous as a team, but what choice did they have now? They couldn’t let this woman anywhere near Subaru, not again, and she couldn’t let Garfiel face her alone. Even if he didn’t care for her anymore, she couldn’t help but still have a heart for the tiger boy. She couldn’t blame him for how he felt.

The only one to blame was her.

So, she tried to back him up and help him as best she could. With no synergy, the fight wasn’t going in their direction until she managed to freeze Elsa to the ground. She rushed to strike while she could. Garfiel was holding her still, and all seemed to finally fall into place.

But then Elsa was moving and taking Garfiel with her as Emilia’s ice blade cut through the air towards them. The blade bit into Garfiel’s back, but Emilia was able to keep from going too deep by pulling back. Being that close, she had no defense when Garfiel was kicked into the air and collided with her chest to send them both to the ground.

As her head bounced off the uneven tiles, she tried to understand what had happened. How had Elsa escaped her magic? There had been a burst of heat and light at her feet just before she had moved.

Had Elsa… used magic?

Could she always do that? Emilia wondered as she clambered to her feet.

But Elsa wasn’t in sight.

“Maybe next time, little girl.” A sultry voice muttered in her ear as a searing heat encompassed her stomach.

Emilia looked down at her abdomen and saw a waterfall of red begin to seep through her freshly cut maid uniform. She clutched at her stomach as it began to open up before her very eyes as gravity took hold of her guts. Falling to her knees and curling up into a ball, she whimpered as she poured everything she had into healing the would-be fatal wound that reminded her so much of the day she met her now lost love.

He had this exact wound so long ago, and now it was back to taunt her with not only pain but the reminder of how she had put him on the path that led to his torment. Her vision blurred as her silver locks fell past her face and dipped into the scarlet running down her abdomen and legs.

“S-Subaru, I’m...” Emilia sobbed with fat tears rolling down her cheeks and mingling with the blood soaking her once black maid’s skirt.

“Oh, don’t cry.” Elsa said huskily as she stood over the half-elf, a furious blush across her doll-like features. “Not over something so beautiful.”

“P-Princess!”

A rush of wind signaled the return of Garfiel as he tried to strike Elsa, but the assassin evaded despite the many wounds and bruises across her battered body.

They weren’t healing like they used to, the tiger noticed as he took in her appearance.

“And here I thought you hated her,” Elsa giggled lightly, her eerily unbothered attitude a stark contrast to her battered body.

“Shuddup!” He snapped, but didn’t move from his spot.

Garfiel stood between Emilia and Elsa. His muscles tensed for a fight as he raised his arms for hand-to-hand combat. It wasn’t like he had any idea why seeing Emilia about to bite the big one triggered the need to jump in and protect her, or at least, he didn’t want to know.

Elsa smiled and understood what this meant for their fight.

It was over.

“Ah well, this has been fun~, but I must get going.” The bowel hunter turned casually from Garfiel as if he were no longer a threat, mocking him and his resolve. “Make sure you take care of your friend there.”

The percieved insult burned Garfiel’s already wounded pride like no other. He snarled and screamed, “I’ll find ya, ya hear me?! This in’t over!”

“Oh~, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Elsa cooed as she sauntered to the edge of the roof and stepped off.

Just as quickly as she appeared, Elsa Granhiert vanished into the night.

The moment she was out of sight, the once proud Garfiel Tinsel roared impotently with tears welling up in his eyes. He had failed completely in such a way that he didn’t know how he could ever hold his head up ever again. His Cap’n was without his Shield, Elsa was alive, and now Emilia was bleeding out at his feet. There was more to it than that, but those obvious failures belonged soley to his ‘amazin’ self’.

For all of his strength, what worth did he have as a Shield that no one needed, that had failed?

Reaching up, Garfiel clenched his fists to the sky and let his overwhelming shame pierce the air for the entire Capital to hear.

Natsumi used her Unseen Hands to hold her body aloft as she turned her attention back to the blue maid who, during the dragon attacks, had been trying to get back to her feet. The Archbishop of Pride wanted to laugh at the foolishness of Ram’s little sister. How short-sighted.

If she had pressed the attack and worked together, then maybe they would have overwhelmed her.

Maybe.

Natsumi spat a wad of blood as she made her way towards the maid, her Hands kicking up dust and rocks as she shambled her way over. Rem managed to get on her legs and glare up at the darkly clothed woman. Her horn shined as Rem lifted her Morningstar to strike once again, but Natsumi used two Unseen Hands to capture her arms. Lifting her up into the air, Natsumi was determined to make sure this one wouldn’t be following her.

She snapped her arms like toothpicks. Bones jutted from the ruined limbs, the sounds adding to the horror of Rem’s pained screams of defeat. Natsumi dropped Rem to the ground, only to grab her by her legs and throw her into the pile of rubble where Ram lay. Her body blew the pile of stone, glass, and timber apart from the impact. There was no more movement and no more sound.

The night had become silent.

Natsumi breathed a sigh of relief. Everything felt so heavy, but she knew she had one more thing to do before she made her escape.

When she reached the rubble pile, Natsumi began excavating with her Authority until she uncovered the limp, bloody body of Ram. The blue maid, barely conscious and unable to move, lay a few feet away in a similar mangled heap. Natsumi crouched in front of the pink maid and felt for a pulse along her slender neck.

Thankfully, while faint, she found one.

Another sigh of relief escaped her cracked, bloody lips. As long as someone came to her aid soon, she’d live just as Big Brother demanded. While Natsumi was no healer, she was sure Subaru’s friends would all come swarming.

She just didn’t expect it to be so soon.

“El Minya!” Two voices cried out in tandem from the rooftops behind her.

Throwing herself clear as six huge purple pillars skewered the ground where she had been standing just a few seconds ago, Natsumi landed like a spider with her Unseen Hands and turned to glare at the newcomers.

Her eyes widened and her heart nearly stopped.

Riding on Big Brother’s back as he descended from the roof were two girls, one blonde and one black. She recognized both in an instant and her evil eyes narrowed with pure resentment as Subaru’s feet, awash in a purple glow, landed with barely a whisper. Her angry twin let the two girls clamber off his shoulders and drew his sword with a fury that matched her own.

“Get the hell away from them, Nana!” Subaru shouted as Maia and Beatrice stood on either side of him, both girls glaring and ready for a fight. His eyes shifted from the limp body of Rem, and then back towards Lesath.

Knowing she had hurt his friends, the people he wanted to protect and apologize to, boiled his blood.

Natsumi’s eyes fell on Maia with enough venom to burn the very air between them, but the teen returned the gesture with her own rebellious fury.

“So, that’s how it is, Maia? You’re betraying me, too?”

“You betrayed me first!” Maia screamed as she drew her sword and pointed the blade at Nana’s heart. “You promised me that… that we wouldn’t hurt them! We weren’t going to-!”

“Plans change, kid.” Natsumi lied, her eyes once again falling to Subaru. “You want to blame someone, blame him and Lesath. They’re going to ruin everything if I don’t end this here.”

Maia’s jaw clenched.

How dare you hurt my family!

Natsumi knew when she was outnumbered and outmatched. She was exhausted and hurt, and now she was facing three new opponents, including a Great Spirit and the apprentice of the Black Swordsman. How the hell did everything fall apart so spectacularly?

That left her with her final option.

“I love you, Big Brothe-“

A thunderous roar cut Natsumi’s final words off. She turned and caught a large, yellow feline creature that launched itself at her, claws extended, and fangs bared with moist, rage-filled crimson eyes. Natsumi paled and quickly realized that Maia was coming for her, ignoring Subaru and Beatrice’s confusion. Gritting her teeth as she felt her cold, black heart ache with a sense of betrayal and hurt that she didn’t expect, Natsumi flung the man-sized leopard towards the Great Spirit and her brother.

Maia easily dodged the beast and raised her blade to strike Nana.

“Murak!” Beatrice shouted as she grabbed Subaru’s hand and leapt with him into the air.

The beast skipped across the ground beneath their feet and came to a stop by digging its claws into the street. Deep grooves followed its momentum until it came to a total stop and its eyes fell onto the limp body of Lesath some feet away. Subaru saw this and feared the creature would attack the defenseless woman.

“Lesath! Beatrice, hurry!”

Though it hurt her to hear him call her ‘Beatrice’ and not ‘Beako’, she quickly did as he commanded.

“R-Right, I suppose! Minya!”

They regained their gravity as a wall of crystals cut the beast off from Lesath’s body. Subaru and Beatrice landed beside the gravely injured demi-human on the other side of the crystal barrier. Immediately, Beatrice set about healing the worst of Lesath’s injuries while Subaru looked over her broken, bloody body before settling on her missing eye. A cold wave ran down his spine at the gruesome sight, but he had to watch that leopard. He pulled his attention away from Lesath and focused on the beast behind the crystals, their eyes locking through a gap in the violet barrier.

Subaru had expected the thing to lunge immediately, but instead it stood there still as stone. When it turned its head towards him and he saw its crimson eyes, something tickled the back of his mind. He frowned but couldn’t understand what was up with the big cat.

Likewise, as Beatrice examined the creature, she began to recognize it as someone she knew.

“Is that you, Frederica, I wonder?” Beatrice asked the cat while squeezing Subaru’s free hand just in case, her other hand emitting a healing glow over Lesath’s chest.

Beatrice frowned. Something didn’t seem right…

The leopard looked at the two of them for a moment and a profane sadness overwhelmed Subaru. He reached out his perceptions, and he felt the inner sun of the beast in front of him. It was strong, unyielding, and hurting deeply.

Wait…

Before he could address the confusion and despair in his heart, the creature charged to once again engage with Natsumi. They watched the beautiful feline race to put itself between them and his crazed sister.

Past their yellow furred ally, Maia seemed to be holding her own against Natsumi. The teen slashed with waves of shadows that sliced into the earth like butter, her body aglow with Murak as she jumped from surface after surface in a dizzying pattern meant to keep Natsumi on the defensive. The Sin Archbishop spun and twirled to keep Maia in her line of sight and defend against the shadow blades, but it was clear that she was losing ground.

When Maia let the leopard into the fight, the teen stopped and stood atop one of the remaining windows of the destroyed building above Natsumi. The beast’s claws cut a gash across Natsumi’s hip and thigh as she managed to dodge, but the wound was still deep. She screamed and swatted the leopard away like a fly.

It once again recovered and returned to the fray, but Natsumi had been hoping for the head on assault.

She used her Unseen Hands to grab the beast’s head and give it a violent twist before using its momentum to throw it with lethal force into the building beside the already ruined one that had buried Ram. The strength of the blow shook the ground beneath their feet and the building immediately collapsed on top its newest tenant.

Subaru’s heart clenched at the sight, the physical reverberations resonating in his chest as it shaking it from its stupor. He felt its pain; its desire to help them, and for a split second when he felt nothing at all, it all became too much to bear.

He was standing there uselessly, like a coward, holding a little girl’s hand while these two strangers fought to protect the people he cared about.

“Beatrice, get on my shoulders!” Subaru said harshly, leaving little room for debate.

The blonde spirit did as he asked and held on tightly as he ran to join in the fight. Raising his sword, he swung as Maia’s blade collided with one of the Unseen Hands in a downward descent. He saw Natsumi tense up, predicting his actions, so now he played his trump card.

“Unseen Hands!”

Their shadow limbs once again crashed into each other and arresting the other.

Natsumi snapped her head around to glare at him as he brought his blade down towards her face.

“I got you!” He shouted.

Then a third Hand sucker punched him and snapped his head backwards. He stumbled and it wrapped around the hands gripping his sword. With a violent squeeze and twist, it crushed and snapped the bones in his wrists and fingers.

“Subaru!” Beatrice cried and tried to cast another spell but was interrupted when she thrown back along with Subaru.

“Baba!” Maia shouted in horror, momentarily distracted just long enough to be caught by Natsumi’s Unseen Hands.

Natsumi said nothing as she threw her older brother as hard as she could across the street and held the captured Maia tightly in a shadowy grip. The Sin Archbishop hung her head as she tried to rapidly blink something away in her eye. Reaching up with an Unseen Hand, she wiped her eye and noticed a drop of liquid suspended off the living shadows. She stared at it for a second before gritting her teeth and tightening her grip on Maia’s slender body.

The girl choked as the air was squeezed from her lungs, but she never once took her eyes off her Papa who was floating down to the ground after Beatrice caught their momentum with a well-timed Murak spell.

Subaru’s sword was discarded as his ruined hands could no longer hold the weapon. Much like Natsumi, he stood there with his arms hanging limply at his sides. His pained grimace, pale sweat covered face skin, and filthy clothes didn’t leave the impression of a tragic hero, but more like a fool who didn’t know when to give up in a hopeless situation.

At least, that’s how he and his sister saw him.

Natsumi and he wore matching venomous stares, both ready to throw themselves at the other if it meant they could end this once and for all.

The pile of rubble exploded to Natsumi’s right as the leopard, totally unharmed, leapt from the rock pile and pounced on the leather clad woman. Natsumi screamed as she caught the beast once again but wasn’t able to stop what came next.

“Unseen Hand!”

A single shadowy fist slammed into the side of her face and twisted her around. Natsumi was forced to drop Maia and the leopard as she cradled her broken cheekbone. Before any of them could capture her, however, she used her Unseen Hands to throw herself on to the rooftop and begin to dash away.

“Wait!” Subaru shouted and began to run after her.

“S-Subaru, wait, I suppose!” Beatrice said from his back.

He stopped and snapped, “What? We have to stop her before she tries this again!”

The blonde spirit recoiled from his searing tone, then went silent.

“Pa- uh, Subaru, we need to help your friends! They’re in bad shape, forget Nana!” Maia said as she got to her feet and was already making her way towards Rem. She looked pleadingly at the leopard, who stopped and set to digging out Ram from the rubble.

“Tch!”

Subaru glared hatefully after Natsumi’s retreating form, unable to silence the desire for revenge in his chest. After everything she had put him and Lesath through, and now his friends from the Astrea Manor, he couldn’t let her go now. No, she needed to be brought down, and if no one here was willing to go with him…

“Fine, then I’ll go myself.” He said as he turned to follow her.

“S-Stop!” Beatrice pleaded as she hopped down and grabbed a hold of his coat. “You’re very hurt, in fact! In our current state, we wouldn’t be any match against her, I suppose!”

“Then what?!” Subaru yelled, his anger overwhelming him and boiling over. “We just let her go?!”

Something shifted in the eyes of those around Subaru, even the leopard that halted it’s dig the moment it uncovered Ram’s bloody form. The worry and fear were clouded with a burning anger that almost mirrored his own. In his chest, Subaru felt the change as waves pressing against him. It didn’t push those feelings away but rather eclipsed them.

This wasn’t the first time something like this happened, he noticed. When he was… with Lesath, her feelings had melded with his. He had pushed that feeling out to touch the warmth in her heart for him, and suddenly their feelings had become one.

Then she died in his arms… because he had killed her.

Subaru reigned in his emotions quickly, fearing what might happen to those around him if he didn’t. The last thing he wanted was to hurt any of them.

At least, no more than he was already responsible for.

“Subaru, listen to Betty, I suppose.” Beatrice said as she tugged on him. When she had his attention, she looked up at him with solemn determination. “If you go after her, then Betty will go with you. Just… please, be sure that’s what you want, I suppose. The maids and the merchant…”

Subaru looked over to the two maids and his heart ached. He could feel they were alive, but just barely. He walked out of Beatrice’s grip and towards the two of them. Maia and the leopard stepped aside to let him pass. What he saw made his breath get caught behind a lump in his throat.

Ram was covered in blood, with a multitude of puncture wounds all over her torso. Her maid uniform, once pristine, was now little more than stained rags. Her chest was barely rising and falling. She was so pale now and her lips were dry and cracked.

Likewise, Rem was wounded as well. Her limbs were twisted in an all too familiar way to Subaru, a fate he had experienced himself. The blue maid who had loved him unconditionally was lying there like a broken puppet, her eyes closed to him and the pain she would wake up with.

Subaru crouched between the two of them and reached with for their hands. Taking one hand from each of them, he interlaced his twisted, ruined fingers with their own as they lay there unconscious. He wished more than anything that these two had been spared this fate. There was so much that he wanted to say to them, to apologize for. If he were honest with himself, these two probably meant the most to him out of everyone in this new life, other than Carina herself.

Yes, he abandoned them like a disgusting coward. Yes, he was still scared and hated himself more than anyone else. But that fear of dying over and over, that need for someone to understand him and what he was going through, and knowing what he was capable of should he become the old Subaru again…

He had wanted to run away, to escape his fate and this reality, but only now were the costs of such actions laid bare to him. Thinking of the consequences and seeing them in such a visceral and gruesome way were totally different, another thing no one other than he could understand. Carina, Rem, Ram, Reinhard… Even Lesath…

They would forget with every loop, with every awful, painful death, while he would remember. He would experience it all on repeat. They would leave him behind every time…

So, when he tried to leave them behind, he realized how little good it would do.

He looked upon two of the three angels from his past deaths and made a new promise.

“I’ll never abandon you two, or Carina, ever again. I promise you both, no matter what you may think of me now, I won’t run away again.” Subaru Natsuki smiled sadly, as if putting on a mask despite his audience not being aware. “I’ve got a lot to answer for, and I owe it to both of you to be there for whatever punishment you come up with.”

He reached out and felt their warmth brush against his heart like three stars pulled together. Subaru caressed those two stars and tried to stoke their flames with his own. A strange feeling came over him, as if they were leeching his warmth from him. It wasn’t painful or unpleasant, it just was. He let them take that warmth and could feel their pain dampening them. Like when he was taking Lesath’s emotions into himself, he did the same, but instead he felt a dull pain throughout his body.

Then, the warmth wasn’t just inside him… but outside as well.

“S-Subaru, what are you doing?!” Maia cried as she clambered closer to the three figures in the rubble.

Beatrice hurried over, brushing past the leopard that stood transfixed looking over his shoulder.

His body was shaking and bleeding from a number of new wounds across his body that formed in real time, including a small wound in the center of his forehead. Beatrice noticed his limbs shaking and crackling as Rem’s began to straighten, and bloody wounds appearing on his torso in the exact same spot as Ram’s closing wounds.

“S-Stop, I suppose!” Beatrice said as she grabbed him and tried to pull him away from the two of them. To her surprise, the leopard grabbed gently him with its teeth and Maia wrapped around his arm to help pull him away.

When the connection broke and he fell on to his rear, it seemed to break him out of a trance. The sudden jostling of his body made him wince and yelp from the pain. He looked down at his body with a new understanding and checked every new sensation as his three saviors crashed into him and practically immobilized him with frightened cuddles.

“W-Whatever you did, don’t do it again, I suppose!” Beatrice cried as she set about healing his wounds with her remaining mana.

Subaru’s face relaxed a bit, but then he realized what was happening and he stopped Beatrice.

“Hey, help Ram and Rem first! I’m fine!” He protested.

Beatrice glared at him with misty eyes as if she disagreed.

Maia passed a look at the leopard, who was watching Papa intently with those crimson eyes. She wasn’t an idiot and knew who exactly this beast was beneath all that fur. If she could get Papa and the Spirit away for just a few minutes…

Knowing that, she looked to her Papa and said, “Do you still want to go after Nana?”

Beatrice watched Subaru intently but said nothing.

He looked between everyone and then slowly nodded.

“If we don’t, I’m scared something worse will happen.” He said, despite every inch of his body hurting like absolute hell.

Maia nodded and stood up to offer him a hand.

Confused, he took it, and everyone helped him to his feet. The leopard brushed against his side affectionately, startling him, but its inner warmth told him it meant no harm. Smiling tiredly, he scratched behind their ears and earned an appreciative purr.

“Us three are going to go after her.” Maia said, pointing to him and Beatrice. “Kitty-kitty here is going to get help for the injured.”

The leopard glared at Maia and growled lowly in warning.

Beatrice frowned nervously, but didn’t complain. Subaru was her priority, not the maids.

Subaru tweaked an eyebrow at the interesting dynamic between the two mystery companions, but regardless, there was something much more pressing…

“Do either of you have any mana left to chase her?”

Beatrice and Maia lowered their heads, the answer was obvious. Both of their reserves were very low at this point, and Subaru was aware that his own reserves were low even before this last fight with Nana, if the light-headedness was any indication.

He gritted his teeth in frustration. How was he supposed to chase after Nana if he didn’t have the girls’ help? It’s not like he had the speed to keep up on his own…

Then he heard heavy footsteps coming up from his side and noticed everyone around him turn their attention to the cause of the disturbance. Turning his head to see what was happening, he was met with a gentle headbutt of a large black ground dragon as he nuzzled against his bruised cheek.

Subaru nearly jumped out of his skin at first, but when he felt the inner warmth spark within the creature’s chest like a bonfire bursting into existence, he calmed himself down long enough to put his ravaged hands up to touch the dragon’s muzzle and pull his face away to investigate its face. The dragon blinked at him affectionately, which confused the raven-haired boy. He didn’t recognize this creature that apparently knew him well.

Seeing that their reunion wasn’t going as well as they originally thought, Patrasche tilted her reptilian head as to why her master was acting strangely. Subaru felt bad for the ground dragon.

“It seems Patrasche is happy to see you, I suppose.” Beatrice said, a little bit of jealousy creeping into her tone.

Subaru looked at the dragon closely and ran his hands along her leathery jaw. “P-Patrasche?”

The dragon nudged him again lovingly upon hearing her name.

Beatrice watched the entire exchange in morbid curiosity. The way Subaru was acting disturbed her. It was as if he didn’t recognize his beloved ground dragon, but that was impossible. There would be no way he’d ever forget her, even if he left her behind like the rest of them.

So, why did the exchange form a knot in her gut?

Subaru’s face spread with a sly, triumphant grin.

“I think I figured out how we’re going to catch up to Nana, isn’t that right, Patrasche?” He asked as the dragon returned his enthusiasm with a proud rising of her head and crying out into the night air.

Without any hesitation, Subaru slid his forearms under Beatrice’s armpits. The blonde spirit squirmed and squealed indignantly at first but settled down when he placed her atop Patrasche in a side-saddle position. For a moment, she felt her heart flutter with joy at the casual reminder of how affectionate Subaru had once been but immediately squashed it with feelings of guilt and remorse for daring to feel such things again.

Subaru went to give Maia the same treatment, but since the girl was just a head shorter than him, she pushed away his attempt to pick her up like a child. Subaru then got around the dragon and fumbled atop Patrasche’s saddle with Maia’s help. He nearly lost his balance at first but quickly righted himself with that same grin as Maia climbed up after him to sit behind the raven-haired man.

Patrasche leered at the extra riders, but since her newly returned master wished for them to be carried, she allowed it with a snort of agitation.

Gingerly taking the reins in his throbbing hands, Subaru gave one last look at the strange leopard and the two maids. Settling on their still forms, his eyes softened, and he asked the big cat, “You’ll keep everyone safe, right? I can trust you?”

He knew he didn’t need to ask but felt the need to anyway.

The crimson eyed animal nodded once.

“Then I’ll hold you to it! Let’s go, girls!”

As if Patrasche understood his command, which may have been true, the ground dragon took off after the scent of that cursed woman with his face.

The moment they were gone, the leopard turned to face Ram and Rem. She stood over them and glared down at the two of them with mixed emotions. They were lucky Subaru wanted them alive, that he cared for them enough to ask for that. If he hadn’t, then they may not be so blessed to have her looking out for them.

Reaching down with one large paw, the leopard touched Ram’s hand first and let her power work on the bloody mess. Her wounds were closed before her eyes and her body regained a bit of its strength, at least enough to not die. She refused to heal her completely as punishment.

On to Rem, the beast did the same. Rem’s body lolled around like atop an ocean as her limbs straightened out and her bones reset. Much like her sister, she wasn’t healed completely, but at least she wouldn’t die tonight.

Their pain would remain because the lovely leopard wasn’t that kind.

The creature didn’t even consider giving the same treatment to Otto. Once again, his pain will remain. Her kindness did not even extend to Frufroo, as the ground dragon was not her priority.

When it came to Lesath, like Otto, the leopard didn’t want to do anything. Instead, she kept Lesath alive without healing most of her wounds, including her eye. Let that be a reminder to the stupid hussy what happens when you try to overstep.

Her work done; the leopard disappeared into the night the moment she caught the scent of people approaching. She was thankful it meant she could leave.

Let this lot be their problem now.

The wind whipped Beatrice’s golden drills as she pressed herself against Subaru’s chest. She looked up at the gravely determined look on her former contractor’s face and couldn’t help but both admire and fear it. That was the look she’d seen on his face during his battle in Priestella. Subaru wasn’t the kind of person to give up, she knew, no matter how human he was.

There were people in the street below, soldiers and knights trying to scramble a defense against the mabeast invasion. They saw the ground dragon racing across the rooftops and shouted in surprise or outrage, but none dared stop them. Beatrice was thankful. It meant she didn’t have to waste mana on idiots getting in their way.

She looked down to his abdomen and saw the two arms encircling his waist. Maia was sitting behind him, her sword sheathed on her back, and she pressed close to his back. The proximity this strange girl had to Subaru once again stirred a bit of unreasonable jealousy within Beatrice’s chest, but she knew she deserved to feel such unpleasantness.

Subaru didn’t belong to her anymore, after all.

Thanks to Patrasche’s Divine Protection of Wind Evasion, the group was making excellent time. They were running atop the string of rooftops, following the Witch’s scent and the damage to the shingles that Nana left in her wake. There was no possibility that Nana could outrun a ground dragon, so it was only a matter of time before they caught up.

The moment they did, it wasn’t what any of them expected.

Nana, or Natsumi Natsuki, was standing on the rooftop of a building and using her Unseen Hands to steady herself on her feet. She was wobbling from side to side and clutching her side as soft sounds could be heard coming from her mouth. Despite there being no doubt that she knew they were approaching, she made no move to stop them or run.

She just stood there, as if standing took colossal effort. Maybe it did. Nana had fought not only him, but a slew of others as well. It made perfect sense she’d be exhausted.

Subaru stopped Patrasche the rooftop adjacent to his sister and told the girl behind him to climb down.

“Beatrice, stay close to me. We’re taking Patrasche down there.” Subaru said. “Maia, can you use your sword to fight without using too much magic?”

“Not a problem,” The girl said as she brandished her blade once again.

While Subaru mentally prepared himself for what he hoped was his final fight with Nana, Beatrice was clenching her fists and shaking. She felt so useless with so little mana, but she was once again with Subaru in a dangerous battle against a much stronger foe. There were so many questions she had for Subaru once all of this was over, so many things she needed to say, but right now she had to force herself to focus.

None of that mattered right now, she reminded herself. Subaru needed her, and that was what was important.

Subaru urged Patrasche forward beside Maia. Their feet landed on the lower rooftop with heavy thumps and cracking of stone, but Nana ignored them. It was getting on Subaru’s nerves at this point.

Well, if she wasn’t going to do anything, then he supposed he should. He hesitated before and it cost him a chance to end this. There was no way he was making that mistake again.

“Let’s go!”

Patrasche charged forward with the intent to harm this vile copycat woman. She didn’t understand why this woman had the same scent as him, nor the same face, but it was obvious this woman was a threat. That was all the loyal Patrasche needed to know.

As they grew closer, Subaru knew that with his hands being in their current condition a one-on-one fight was out of the question. He could barely hold Patrasche’s reins in his fingers. But that didn’t mean he was defenseless.

Reaching inside himself, he called upon the two Unseen Hands wriggling in his guts and sent them straight for Nana’s back.

Two of her own Hands lifted and caught his own, sparking that strangely intimate and uncomfortable sensation through Subaru’s nerves. It felt revolting, but he pushed through it. Nana wasn’t going to get away from him again!

Forcing the Unseen Hands down, he pushed the locked digits into the rooftop between them, creating a blast of textile shrapnel, as Patrasche lowered her head to ram the woman.

But Nana spun just before they could get to her and one of her Unseen Hands flattened out and formed a wall that Patrasche ran straight into. It halted her advance, and she cried out in unexpected pain. The fourth Unseen Hand blocked a sword strike from Maia who had come up from the side.

Pulling the two Hands up from the destroyed roof, Nana made a wave that flung the ground dragon and her rider backwards. Beatrice cried out a spell and formed half a dozen purple crystals that hovered above Nana’s head.

During that show of force, Subaru locked eyes with Nana and couldn’t believe what he saw.

Down her stained and bruised cheeks were two trails in the dirt and blood running from her black eyes. Those trails shined in the glow of the lamplight from the streets and reflected their origins to him. It was something Subaru never once expected to see on this homicidal maniac’s face. It didn’t spark concern or compassion, but rather indignant rage at the audacity of such a display.

Why in the hell is she crying?!

Retracting his Hands, Subaru managed to use them to catch his and Patrasche’s flight. Other than dazed and sore, the ground dragon seemed fine, so he charged once again as Beatrice clung to his chest.  Her crystals came down and forced Nana to retreat from her spot, where she stumbled and almost fell over before standing straight and blocking another strike from Maia’s sword.

Subaru knew he couldn’t give Nana an inch, so he urged Patrasche forward again and unleashed his Unseen Hands to intercept the ones Nana launched at them.

“Brace yourselves!” He warned the dragon and spirit as the two met and created a small shockwave from the impact. “Now, Beatrice!”

“Murak!”

Nana’s body hunched over as its weight was magically increased, forcing the already unsteady woman to use a Hand to hold herself upright.

With the opportunity, Maia returned with another strike of her blade aimed at Nana’s back.

But the fourth Hand once again stopped Maia’s blade with its shadowy forearm. It reached around and grabbed the girl in its grasp before smashing her face first into the stone shingles hard enough to shatter them. With a guttural cry of anguish, Nana forced the teen’s body along the rooftop like a child’s toy and through every shingle in her path. When the Hand retracted, Maia was a quivering heap where she stopped.

Subaru watched the entire thing in horror and impotent rage. He couldn’t afford to lose here, not again. Pushing Maia’s condition from his own mind, Subaru tried to retract his Hands but was pulled into the air like he had done to Nana at the start of their fight. She brought his body back down violently atop the rooftop be Nana’s feet as she sent her now free fourth Hand to smash into Patrasche and a screaming Beatrice.

He watched as his ground dragon and spirit charge were thrown off the roof like some common pest.

“No!” Subaru screamed from his personal crater through aching ribs and bloodied teeth. Damn it, this can’t be happening again! It can’t be! It couldn’t!

But his internal raging was cut short when Nana asked him a question.

“See what caring gets you, Big Brother?”

Subaru’s hateful eyes looked up at the vile woman.

The eyes he met were full of tears, the embers of wrath, and defeat, as if Nana were the loser in this fight. Subaru didn’t care why she was crying, nor did he want to console her. All he wanted, more than anything, was to kill her and get this madness over with.

But instead, she kept talking with a shuddering, cracking voice.

“You’re so cruel, Big Brother. You use people to cover your shortcomings and make them care about you, to live in the shadow you cast over them. I’ve seen what you’re capable of, so why…”

She lowered her head and clenched her jaw past the furious rivers that fell from her eyes.

“… why doesn’t anybody see me?”

Subaru growled as he tried to rise on rebellious limbs as Nana continued her self-pitying spew.

“All I ever do is live in your shadow. We’re the same in almost every way, and yet, you are the one people want. They look up to you, come to you, and follow you because you’re ‘Subaru Natsuki’. Even I follow you, Big Brother, but… all I’ve ever been is ‘your twin sister’. My own family just calls me ‘Auntie Nana’…”

“Shut up…” Subaru snarled.

The Archbishop raised her dark head to meet Subaru’s piercing eyes as he finally managed to climb to his feet.

“They never look at me as Natsumi.” She muttered, ignoring his scorn.

“I said shut up!” Subaru snapped as he tried to steady himself. “I don’t care what you have to say or what the hell you’re feeling! You’re a monster, Nana! A fucking monster I wish would just die and get out of my life already!”

Nana’s lips curled into a joyless smile, a reflection of not a madwoman, but a broken girl. As Subaru’s legs gave out and he fell to his knees again, he cursed and was met with the greatest insult.

Nana offered him a hand as if it were the most natural thing in the world, as if she hadn’t been responsible for every one of his deaths. She met his expression with that same empty smile.

“I feel jealous of you.” She spoke softly, yet with the kind of conviction that could only come from a heart weighed down in misery.

Subaru could only stare up at her in complete revulsion.

“You get to forget everything, all the pain and trauma that made you. You don’t have to live through that anymore while those memories will forever be etched into my soul. Every betrayal, every abuse, and every time you touched my heart- it’s all still here, inside me.” She gently brought two fingers to her temple and tapped it. “Everything you are, everything you became, and every monster you created is right here.”

“You don’t know a damn thing!” Subaru screamed as he smacked Nana’s hand away. “You have no idea what I’ve been through, what you did to me! No one knows because no one ever remembers after I-“

“Return by Death?”

Subaru choked as the words became lodged in his throat. A cold wave ran down his spine and he began to shake uncontrollably.

She knew about Return by Death.

She knew.

If that was the case, then her switch from capturing him to killing him made sense. She knew for a fact that by doing so, she could redo any of her failed attempts.

Natsumi was willing to sacrifice her own brother over and over just to get another chance at succeeding, at prolonging her own life.

Subaru fell to his knees and gripped his head between his ruined fingers.

“Y-You really are a monster…” He began to sob weakly.

Nana crouched in front of him and smiled a bit wider, as if life were returning to her through his breakdown.

“No, we’re monsters, Subaru. You Return by Death, and your Little Sister is the one who helps you right all the wrongs with your plans. See how efficient that is? We make a great team, don’t we?”

He had no words, so instead he cried as Natsumi’s own breakdown began. Her voice picked up in pitch as if she were trying not to panic. Back and forth, she began to rock her body on her feet while she stared holes through him.

“It’s why I’ll never live outside of your shadow, because I am your shadow.”

Subaru wept as he came face to face with the demon he thought he knew; only to realize it was so much bigger than just her. Nana wasn’t just a homicidal killer hell-bent on taking Lesath away and killing him if he got in the way. No, she was also a product of his past, of ‘Subaru Natsuki’, of the monster he knew with all his heart that he used to be. An oppressive weight fell over his shoulders as the guilt and self-loathing returned in full force and mingled with his burning desire to end the woman in front of him.

“You’d have me kill you if things didn’t go your way and you were unable to do it yourself. But that’s how much I loved you, Big Brother, don’t you see? If we were damned, then we’d sit in hell together.”

Natsumi’s hands reached for his but stopped midway.

“It’s why I had to kill you four times tonight.”

Subaru’s sobbing stopped and instead was replaced with the wails of madness. Cold, unloving hands encircled him and pulled him close into an awkward hug. Unaccustomed to such affection, Natsumi did her best to imitate what the ghosts of her long dead past told her were correct.

“I remember every death, Big Brother, both yours and mine. It’s only fair, right?” She stroked his messy hair and used her fingers to rake through it roughly, as if tangled. “It hurt me too, Big Brother, but I’m your loving Nana. Even if you forget me, hurt me, and hate me… I’ll always be exactly what you made me to be. It’s all I’ll ever be.”

Something broke inside the raven-haired boy. He felt an overwhelming rage, stronger than any he ever felt, welling up inside him through the fog of madness that was consuming him. It writhed inside his mind and was burning him from the inside. Pain erupted from every cell in his body as whatever this was had come upon him with visceral, primal need.

Four Unseen Hands began to encircle the siblings with the oppressive comfort of their darkness.

Nana leaned in close and whispered in his ear.

“I love you, Big Brother.”

Subaru screamed as the feeling broke free and sent Nana flying off the rooftop with an explosion of force. All he could see was writhing shadows and burning stars filling every inch of his vision. Voices in his head screamed alongside him, the damned cries of men, women, and children as they died because of his malice and pain. Over a dozen Unseen Hands reached out in all directions like the tentacles of an octopus, crushing and smashing everything around his agony filled body.

The shadows lashed out in every way possible, craving something to destroy just as he had been destroyed and forced to live on. Instead of doing it himself, the arms of Sloth reached out to perform the acts that he refused to do. The building beneath the broken boy was demolished brick by brick as dozens of voices echoed in his shattered mind.

“Don’t you dare take that carnal desire that you can’t even speak of in the open and call it love!” A young scantily clad blonde girl shouted with deep seated frustration, rage, and hurt.

“We must complete the Ordeal!” A green-skinned man shouted as his body bent in half.

“Then I’ll take you to hell with me, Reinhard!” A raven-haired woman spat as she was strangled by the Sword Saint in a burning city.

“I love you, I love you, I love you...” A Witch muttered across the shadows.

“Tell me what I want to knyow, Pride! Maybe then I’ll let you die~ nyah.” A demi-human in a blue dress purred.

“How dare they treat me this way! How dare they treat me like I’m nothing!” A white-haired man said as he fell through the sky.

“Lady P-Priscilla... I’m s-sorry I...” A timid boy whimpered as the life left his eyes.

“His bowels were so warm...” A starving girl observed through fearful eyes.

“I’m too much of a coward... To let go...” A tired, broken man in black said as he sought comfort at the grave of his special person.

Then his own voice echoed in his ears. A smile like a knife wound slashed his face in half as for just the briefest of moments, the boy wasn’t alone inside his meatsuit. No, that was wrong.

He had never truly been alone.

“I know you’re in there!”

Agony wiped the expression off his face and returned it to one of horror. Reason was gone, as was the reality he surrounded himself with. All that existed were the voices and the screams. Not even the writhing Hands were real anymore, merely extensions of his despair and madness. Subaru couldn’t register the new voices that joined the ones inside him. It was just added noise, nothing more.

“My brain is-!”

Writhing, eating, squirming, chewing, trembling-!

Even the warmth of his daughter’s arms was just a single drop of rain in the hurricane.

When Maia’s consciousness was slammed back into her body, the last face she ever expected to see was the one that greeted her. It took her a second before her flesh and blood eyes focused. Even if Nana’s attack hadn’t killed her, it sure as hell had been painful. Not that her savior had healed them with their comfort in mind, but she supposed she should just be thankful.

“What the hell happened?!” Capella Emerada Lugunica-Natsuki shouted as she grabbed Maia by the hood and brought her face inches from her own.

The fact that ‘Mean Mama’ was here sent shivers down Maia’s back. Even if she was in a different form, those eyes and that voice were unmistakable as belonging to Capella. While Maia didn’t care for her stepmother, that was neither here nor there. Right now, there was only one thing they were concerned with.

“Maia, answer Mama.” Another small voice said behind the teen girl.

Looking to her left she saw Carina standing just behind Capella with a worried expression, her hands clasped in front of her so tightly her knuckles were white.

Maia could see the storm over Carina’s shoulder, her Papa in the center. With his bloodshot eyes rolled back into his head and his jaw slack, he would have appeared catatonic if not for the wails that escaped his throat. There was no magic coming from him, which told Maia that this was his Authority running wild.

She could hazard a guess as to what caused that.

“I don’t… W-Where is Nana?” Maia asked as she tried to pull away from the blonde’s grip.

“This generous lady sent her away with Elsa to lick her wounds. I’ll deal with both of you later.” Capella’s grip was unbroken despite her stepdaughter’s prying fingers. She was snarling angrily, but when she looked back at Subaru’s storm her expression softened just a little. Mama wasn’t the kind of woman to show weakness in front of anyone but Papa, those walls cracked in that moment.

It was a bitter pill to swallow for Maia.

“Stay here and don’t you move from this spot!” Capella said without bothering to look at the struggling Maia or Carina.

“No!” The teen protested weakly. “I can help!”

Capella ignored her. At the same time, the tiny blonde Carina turned to meet her sister’s eyes with a fierce, teary-eyed glare.

Maia’s eyes narrowed, not comprehending nor appreciating that look.

A terrified Carina faced the rampaging powers and set her jaw with reckless determination.

Finally releasing Maia’s hood when she chose to, Capella stepped forward. She was about to take off in a sprint towards the invisible storm when she was passed by a yellow blur.

Carina ran into the destruction, calling her Papa’s name.

The voices scattered thought like wind scattered grains of sand. Nothing could contain them nor silence them. At least, it didn’t seem that way.

“I love you.”

“Barusu.”

“Pride.”

“S-Subaru, can-!”

“Hero.”

“Big Brother.”

“Knight.”

“Please, Subaru, you have to-!”

“Monster.”

“Coward.”

“Su~Su.”

“I’m here, P-!”

“Husband.”

“Believer of Love.”

“Master.”

“Papa!”

“Subaru!”

Two little stars chased away the shadows of madness with their combined brilliance. The stars radiated the warmth of love and desperation. They craved his attention and his affection. But it was the littlest star that shined the brightest. What this particular little star wanted more than anything...

“Wake up, Papa!”

... Was to be held by her father.

Through the whirlwind, he could feel her arms around his neck as she held on tightly and pressed her cherub cheek against his clammy skin. Her tears warmed his cool flesh just as much as her embrace warmed his heart. It brought a modicum of clarity to his roiling consciousness, enough to understand that the Unseen Hands were reaching and grasping for her little body to tear it to pieces.

But he wouldn’t let them.

Reaching up with herculean effort, Papa held his daughter close to his chest with his flesh and blood arms. Another pair of arms encircled them both and held on tight, their owner shouting against his ear as they pressed against his back. Their bodies sandwiched him within the chaos and sheltered him. Closing his burning eyes and swallowing what felt like glass, he refused the Hands advances towards his little stars. He felt them fight against his will with their own destructive desires. They clawed at his psyche like animals kept from their meal. But the stars’ cries continued to reach him.

“Papa, please come back! Papa!”

Carina.

That same man’s voice, the one that reminded him that he was a coward, echoed.

“I need my Papa, Subaru! Please let my Papa come back!”

Something dark felt like it was clawing its way up his throat.

I’m here, Carina. Papa’s here.

Biting his tongue and setting his jaw, he pushed it back down.

“Snap out of it, hubby!”

A sudden wave of discomfort washed over his flailing mind.

… Who is that?...

“I... Won’t let... Go.” Subaru said as he swallowed the voice once more, his words nearly obscured by the raging, but slowing Authority of Sloth around them.

“P-Papa?” Carina asked, her voice barely audible in his scabbed ear.

He smiled wearily and let her pull away just far enough to meet his eyes.

“H-Hey there. How’s my lovely lady?” Subaru asked with a heavy, shameful heart.

Carina’s face scrunched up with renewed tears and a furious blush across her cheeks and nose. She threw herself against him as she sobbed with joy, but Subaru couldn’t hear anything she was blubbering. The moment he felt his body going down, every bit of strength left his body as exhaustion took hold.

The Unseen Hands began to dissipate back into his body as his consciousness faded.

He was gone before he could feel the second pair of arms catch him and hold him close.

Those arms encircled him as their owner pressed her lips to the back of his head and closed her eyes, taking the moment to just be with her stupid, reckless, darling husband and her equally reckless daughter.

Chapter Text

The night air was cool against Frederica’s skin. After being sent by Master Roswaal with Meili to assist in dealing with the mabeast horde, she finally made it back to the Karsten Manor with the young girl in tow. Due to the circumstances, the Karsten Manor was being used as an ad hoc field hospital of sorts. Outside she had passed several injured men, women, and children under hastily erected tents and guards scrambling around to ensure the safety of their charges and calm the frantic civilians. The moment she had returned, she was excused to get Meili comfortable before assisting where she was needed.

 Her maid uniform was practically destroyed during the extermination, and so she was thankful to be somewhere where she could wash the blood off and change into proper attire. Of course, the majority of her personal effects for their trip were back in the ‘townhouse’ owned by Master Roswaal within the city, so she’d have to make do with what was available.

It was important that she was seen with Meili here in order to provide a strong alibi should someone try to blame the young assassin for this mess.

Master Roswaal hadn’t yet returned from the Capital. During the cleanup, he had purposely made his way to the known residence of the members of the Council of Wise Men in order to safeguard them. This of course was to boost the popularity of Anastasia Hoshin since he now supported her in the race, but such simple and underhanded tactics were unnecessary at this point. Of the three remaining camps, Anastasia and Felt were in the lead.

Even with the hit to Anastasia’s reputation for failing to keep her own affairs in order, with the current state of the Kararagi trade routes and the suspected criminal activity within her own associate companies, it was still hard to say what the future would bring for the throne.

At least, it would be for anyone uninvolved with the Family.

Just thinking about it made Frederica sick.

After bringing the assassin to the empty guest room Maia had been resting in, she assisted Meili in cleaning up with a basin of water and damp cloth. Bathing was out of the question for now, but she wasn’t going to let the girl rest in another person’s house with bloodstains on her skin.

During their time together they had become closer, so there wasn’t much awkwardness between them anymore. Meili, despite the treatment she’d received in the beginning, had come to look up to Frederica as an older sibling or a teacher, as the role of teaching her basic human decency had fallen to the head maid and Petra in Master Subaru’s absence.

Once they were cleaned up, Frederica went about changing her own uniform into a spare provided by House Karsten. It didn’t fit quite right, but it would work in the meantime. Things were finally feeling a bit calmer. She hurried back down to the mansion’s grounds to make herself useful, but nothing she did would prepare her for who was escorted through the main gate.

The beast maid about had a heart attack when Mistress Capella was led in by a soldier. The Sin Archbishop of Lust was in a different form, one of a young woman roughly the same age as the boy in her arms with short blonde hair and burning crimson eyes. She was wearing a long black dress with a hood pulled up over her head. Trailing behind her and clenching a fistful of Capella’s flowing dress was a visibly worried Lady Carina, but it was the person Capella was carrying that drew Frederica’s attention. A certain raven-haired teen…

Frederica stumbled back nervously as the epicenter of her conflicting feelings drew closer. His body was riddled with wounds and his clothing was ruined with blood and dirt. Thankfully, it seemed he was breathing, but he was clearly unconscious. The soldier was trying to usher them into a nearby tent, but the volatile Capella was having none of it and scanning the grounds for someone. When they landed on Frederica and stayed there, the maid knew exactly what the undetected Archbishop wanted.

“E-Excuse me!” Frederica said as she hurried over to the group. “I’ll take them from here.”

“Wait, who are you, miss…?” A good-natured soldier asked as he looked between Capella and her.

“I’m a maid of House Mathers and a guest of Lady Karsten. Do not worry, I’ll take care of these three.” She replied quickly as beads of sweat formed on her brow.

The soldier frowned, but ultimately, he didn’t have time to argue. He nodded his thanks and hurried off to wherever he was needed. Frederica breathed a sigh of relief and quickly ushered them inside the manor itself. Thankfully, Wilhelm was nowhere in sight. She wasn’t sure where he was, but it was a blessing since Subaru’s return was going to start a series of chaotic events the moment he’s discovered.

Part of her was also happy that Master Roswaal was not present. Even if he too was allied with Subaru’s plans, everyone involved was aware of hos conniving the court mage could be. The less of a chance he has to be near Subaru, the better.

Frederica brought them to the same guest room as Meili. The assassin girl was sitting on the bed in a simple white nightgown and braiding her hair when she looked up curiously to see who was entering. Of course, the moment Frederica stood aside to let in Capella, Meili squeaked and jumped off the bed in fright. Capella ignored Meili’s reaction and told everyone to get out while she undressed Subaru and got him comfortable.

Carina understandably didn’t want to leave her Papa’s side, but Frederica ushered her out of the room quickly along with Meili. When the door slammed shut at her back, the beast maid nearly jumped out of her skin. She noted Carina frowning up the door in disapproval before taking Frederica’s hand and asking to be carried. With a melancholic smile, Frederica picked up the little blonde girl and the three of them walked to a nearby linen closest where she could retrieve a modest change of clothing for Subaru.

The littlest Natsuki, an ironic title she proudly upheld, nuzzled Frederica’s blonde locks at her shoulder and sniffled with unshed tears. She couldn’t blame the girl for worrying about her Papa. That would by unreasonable on multiple fronts, since Frederica was worried as well.

She chewed her cheek nervously as she tried to calm the furious beating of her heart.

Carina’s hand touched the space above Frederica’s breasts and felt the rhythmic dance with a pout.

“He’s going to be okay, isn’t he, Mama?” Carina asked Frederica.

The moment the title of ‘Mama’ was uttered, Frederica’s heart skipped a beat in terror. She looked over her shoulder to make sure Capella hadn’t followed in any shape or form. Beside her, Meili was also starting the sweat as she nervously looked around for any signs they were being spied on.

“C-Carina, don’t say that! Mama will hear you!” A scared Meili whisper-shouted at her ‘sibling’.

The blonde girl teared up in frustration and buried her blushing face into Frederica’s neck once again.

“B-But Freddy’s my-!” She tried to argue, her words muffled.

“Lady Carina, Meili is right.” Frederica sternly admonished the upset child in her arms. “Mistress Capella is your Mama, and you need to reserve such a title for her alone.”

Even if it fills me with joy…

Carina pulled her face away to look at Meili with a quivering lip, very much looking the part of an innocent little girl despite the fact she was strong enough to kill them both.

“Papa used to say I was blessed to have more than one Mama! Just because he married Mama Capella-!”

“Shush, now! No more of that!” Frederica hissed through frazzled nerves. She knew all too well what would happen if Capella heard Carina declaring such again. If it hadn’t been for Subaru and Carina’s protection, Frederica would have been dead a long time ago at Capella’s hands.

Carina whimpered at Frederica’s harsh silencing, but didn’t say anything more. Seeing such a pathetic sight on Carina’s face broke Frederica’s heart, but she couldn’t let Carina endanger them all. Even if Capella has supposedly ‘changed’ during her time with Subaru, the Sin Archbishop of Lust was still known to be quite the depraved, sadistic woman when angered. Frederica didn’t want to brave those waters any more than she already had.

The blonde maid hugged Carina tenderly as a lump formed in her throat. The memories she shared with Carina were some of the most confusing and cherished memories Frederica had. She wanted to remind Carina of that, that those feelings were still alive in her heart, but she couldn’t be that cruel by breaking the child of Capella’s heart any more than it already was.

It was like Lesath described to her, once. These memories were like someone ripped the chapters from several books and strung them together, but they were no less real. Even if they weren’t real, Frederica wouldn’t care.

That’s how much they meant to her.

“Lady Carina, why don’t you help me pick out your Papa’s clothes?” Frederica suggested. She suddenly felt more exhausted than she had before. The bags under her eyes felt heavy on her face, if that was even possible. “You wouldn’t want him streaking again, would you?”

Meili mimicked gagging to drive the point home.

The pouty, red eyed child just nodded sadly.

Frederica knew how Carina felt about her. To the young girl, Frederica was Subaru’s wife long before Capella and he were married, even if the Archbishop was her mother. Of course, this was false because Subaru had never married Frederica, but how do you explain that to a child who was grieving, lost, and confused at the time? Carina had needed stability at the time, which is why Frederica hadn’t the heart to correct her since she already looked up to her as a mother-figure.

Back when the Ordeal was put into action, as Subaru named his plan, Frederica had travelled with him to the Capital with Master Roswaal, Carina, and Meili. Mistress Capella had left several days prior to work on her part in another location, which meant Carina and Frederica were able to spend time together again. Of course, Carina was forbidden to call Frederica ‘Mama’ anymore, but she still did in private.

At least Frederica had gotten Carina to stop referring to Capella as ‘Mean Mama’, for the most part. She was aware Subaru’s other ‘children’ did so out of rebellion, but that was like playing catch with a lit powder keg- one Frederica wanted no part of.

They really took after him, it seemed. She just wished they hadn’t.

It didn’t take long for them to pick out a set of light blue linen pants, a shirt, and a robe meant for guests. Carina had insisted on picking out fuzzy socks for her Papa meant for winter and Frederica wasn’t in any mood to argue the point. They returned to the guest room and Frederica knocked on the door respectfully.

“Mistress, we have returned with a change of clothing for him. We’ll leave them out- oh!”

The door cracked open suddenly for a pale arm to reach out and snatch the folded garments out of Frederica’s free hand before slamming shut once again.

Even though Carina was miffed at her mother’s behavior, Frederica and Meili couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief.

“Let’s go see if we can find a place for you two to rest, okay? I must return to the field hospital quickly.” Frederica said as she led the girls away.

“One, two, three... One, two, three...”

Even though radio calisthenics were usually how he started his day, Pollux also did them just before a rather stressful task. As he hopped in place, he regretfully wasn’t excited about the next part of Papa’s plan. It was his job nonetheless, but still! He supposed it came with the whole ‘split persona’ thing.

“One, two, three... Stretch left!” He stood up straight and tilted his torso with his right arm raised.

“Stretch right!” Pollux tilted the opposite way with the opposite arm up. He looked to his up to his right to check on the state of his partner in crime. What pitiful form! “Come on, Roy, you’re not even trying!”

Beside Pollux was his cohort the former Sin Archbishop of the Witch’s Cult, Roy Alphard. His body was lazily mimicking Pollux’s actions, but his eyes were struggling not to roll back into his head. He had just called upon a horde of mabeasts as per Nana’s orders, and now this annoying man was having him go along with these stupid exercises. Roy wondered for a brief moment how someone like Pollux ended up in the Family, but then again, he was one of Papa’s children.

There wasn’t much more to say about that.

“Ready, Roy? Victory!” Pollux said as he thrust his arms into the air with a big smile.

“V-Victory~tsu!” Roy repeated as he cast an irritated look at the overly positive man, his arms held up with only half the enthusiasm.

“Man, wasn’t that fun? We should do this again sometime!” The taller, lankier Pollux lowered his arms and put his hands on his hips proudly, his snow-white skin blotchy and sweaty from exertion.

Meanwhile, Roy hadn’t even gotten winded and rather than agree with his ‘brother’, he merely growled in response.

Pollux gave an exaggerated sigh and shook his head, his free flowing long white hair swaying side to side like an elegant curtain. “Reeeeally mature, lil bro.”

Roy’s head snapped towards Pollux, his teeth bared and fingers curled as if clawed. He had siblings, and despite knowing it was futile in the face of Mama and Papa, he hated the idea of anyone else claiming such a title with him.

“Don’t test us, Pollux~tsu! We doubt Mama would have an issue if Papa had one less whelp running around~tsu! Gluttony~tsu!”

“How rude!” Pollux pouted playfully, which only infuriated Roy more. Amethyst eyes twinkling with amusement, the tall white-haired man placed a white gloved hand on his chest as he raised his chin up in a mock portrayal at being a self-important former Archbishop. “I daresay that was a threat to my well-being, which constitutes as a violation of my rights-”

“Argh! Shut up~tsu!”

Giggling like a child, Pollux waved a hand in front of his face as if dispelling a foul odor. “Chill out, I’m just having a biiit of fun before I speak with Mama again. She isn’t going to be happy~!”

Roy screwed up his fanged face in distaste because he knew Pollux was right. He was just glad it wasn’t his head this time. The tan skinned teen shivered at the memory of the last time he displeased Mama, and how Papa had dispensed said slow, agonizing punishment.

If Roy didn’t fear those two with every fiber of his being, then he wouldn’t be here. Mama’s orders were absolute, and because Papa and he were connected now he had no doubt the once weak, stupid teen he’d met in Priestella would hunt him down and tear his mind apart piece by piece until he was a drooling simpleton.

“Alright!” Pollux said as he walked to the door of Roy’s secret room in the basement of their new hideout in the Capital. He turned to flash Roy a cheeky smile and a thumbs up. “Wiiiish me luck, lil bro!”

“Tch!” Roy rolled his eyes and hopped from where he stood in the center of the sparsely furnished room on to the single bed in the corner. The bed, shredded as if a wild animal slept on it, creaked with the sudden addition of his weight and Roy’s body gently bounced up and down a couple of times from the impact. The tanned teen sat cross-legged on the bed and grabbed the lone blanket before wrapping it around his shoulders.

Without another word, Pollux exited the space he’d invaded and shut it behind him. That pleasantly innocent smile was plastered to his lips as he strolled past a few underground bedrooms. As of now, only two other rooms were occupied. One of these occupied rooms had the door wide open. Pollux stopped to glance inside at his guest, only to immediately twist his neck away as an embarrassed blush spread across his porcelain cheeks.

Natsumi Natsuki had her back to the doorway and clearly ignoring Pollux as she pulled a black silk robe over her battered nude body. Her flawless skin only sported bruises and minor cuts now, as Mistress Capella had healed the majority of her injuries when she found Elsa tending to Natsumi, who was out cold in the street. They made it back to the Gemini Company’s building without being followed and were able to enter Pollux’s office through the window.

She winced as every part of her hurt, and even the simple act of putting on clothes was exhausting. Even though she wanted to be left alone with her thoughts, she knew Pollux was waiting to ask if she needed anything. Natsumi tied the orange sash around her slender waist and turned to stare daggers at her overly sweet nephew. He glanced at her but then averted his gaze once again.

Frowning, Natsumi looked down and realized that the very top of the space between her modest breasts was visible, not even enough to draw the looks of most men. She pulled the robe closed even more with an agitated sigh. For someone capable of plunging the Captial into the next Ice Age and able to steal the heart of any maiden he touches, Pollux was almost annoyingly proper.

“Ask what you’re going to and leave. I’m not in the mood, Pollux.” Natsumi said with a scowl.

“W-Well, do you need anything else, Auntie? I’d be happy to personally get you anything you-” Pollux began, but was cut off as Natsumi approached him.

“Nope. Nothing. Leave.” She then slammed the door shut in his face.

The young man sighed, thankful that was over. When he turned to make his way further to his destination, he came face to face with Elsa Granhiert leaning against the railing in the stairwell that led up to the secret entrance to the basement. The bowel hunter was unharmed and wearing her signature outfit of a revealing black dress and black stockings. She was watching him with a predatory smile, which made Pollux’s blush return full force as he stopped in his tracks.

Despite being a young man, Elsa knew that blush was from nerves, not attraction.

“W-What is it, Elsa?” Pollux asked. “Is you and your sister’s room not to your liking?”

The assassin hummed and tilted her head.

“Oh no, it isn’t that. I must say you are a much more gracious host than you’re given credit for. Thank you for tending to my sister's wounds.”

Seeing as how Lesath had been the more accomplished healer, Pollux beamed with pride at the praise as he clapped his hands in front of his chest.

“Reeeally?”

She giggled at his child-like enthusiasm. “Of course. Now hurry along before you’re missed.”

He nodded and did just that. Pollux brushed past the woman without even glancing at her body up the heavy wooden stairs and made his way up to the main part of their hideout, a rather expensive three-story piece of property near the Commercial District that served as Lugunica’s branch of the Gemini Company’s office.

After he reached the top of the stairs, he pulled the false book that served as the switch for the bookcase that swung shut to seal Roy, Nana, and the assassins below. He smiled as he spun on his heel and walked out from the record keeping room. Navigating through the building was easy, really, as the top floor was another set of modest bedrooms for himself, Castor, and at least three guests.

This kind of setup wasn’t typical of businesses like the Gemini Company, but Pollux wanted to be sure that they were there if needed. Hopefully with it being so late at night, no one would be up to notice him slipping through the hallways.

When he passed by Castor’s room, he cracked it open to peek inside. Castor was blissfully asleep and curled up in a cocoon of blankets and stuffed animals atop her bed. She was nuzzling a large sewn plushie of an adorable grey cat and softly snoring. The sight warmed Pollux’s heart as he committed it to memory and shut the door with barely a whisper of a sound.

Pollux thought he was home free until he opened the door to his own bedroom and froze.

Asleep in his queen-sized bed was Anastasia Hoshin, sprawled out across her side and his own. She must have fallen asleep waiting for him to come to bed. The greedy royal Candidate was sleeping with her mouth open and a slender arm draped over her eyes as moonlight from the window illuminated the outline of her petite body beneath the sheets.

It was a sight Pollux never grew tired of, no matter how many months into their secret affair passed.

A mischievous smile curled the corners of Pollux’s lips as he entered his bedroom and closed the door behind him.

Natsumi collapsed on to the bed. Everything hurt and if she were honest, the endless night was pretty damn draining. Not only had she murdered her brother and that stupid demi-human niece of hers four fucking times, but now Maia was against her. Their trust, and contract, are broken. Natsumi bit her lips in frustration until she drew blood, just another dull pain among greater pain. She was on her back and digging at the flesh on the front of her thighs with her dirty, split fingernails enough to draw even more blood.

It wasn’t about pain at this point. Pain was grounding, it drew her attention from the torment inside of her. No, this was just a habit that resurfaced from the impotence of failing so spectacularly. Maia’s betrayal stung deeper than she thought it would. Add in the cocktail of satisfaction and self-hatred she felt for killing her brother and she was left not knowing how to feel.

So, she just lay there like an empty vessel, gutted and hollow as the emotions raged in the background of her consciousness. It was pathetic. She thought she had destroyed this weakness years ago and replaced it with the cold, seething rage that fueled her towards her goal.

I just want people to see me. To acknowledge my power, my achievements.

I don’t want to be weak anymore. I don’t want pity, to be saved, or even this fucking family.

What I want… is to be seen by you, Big Brother.

So why do you make me feel so weak, so pathetic, and keep me in your shadow?

Deep down, she knew the truth.

It’s because I’m not good enough, isn’t it? I can’t catch up to you, or be useful to you as I am, so that’s why…

That’s why you broke me, too.

Natsumi, or Nana as she knew others just loved to call her, was expressionless as sleep took her after what felt like an eternity of rumination.

Her mind brought her through so many memories. Lugunica burning to the ground as the man she once devoted her very being to strangled her in the streets. The betrayal of her coconspiritors and how she had failed in everything she set out to do. Waking up from what should have been the sweet release of a final death...

To be met by a grinning, white-haired Subaru Natsuki in a sunny meadow just outside the Capital.

She kept seeing that same version of her Big Brother. When she found him, she was haunted by that knowing smirk of his. As she relished in the pain she inflicted on him, she saw him laugh it off and remind her of how small she was. That moment just before the light left his eyes, when they both knew he was going to die, Nana could hear him whisper how much he loved her in her ear, a reminder that she was a weapon to the sibling she loved and hated more than anything in the entire world.

Nana could see his Unseen Hands as she was flung from the rooftop as he lost control and became an all-consuming maelstrom. His screams felt like a twisting of the knife he had thrust into her black heart, both exciting and hurtful in equal measure. When her body had slammed into the streets below, she had been unable to move. The impact, which had broken her back by shattering her vertebrae, left her paralyzed.

Not being able to see him hurt her deeply. That part of her that was still human wanted to go to him, to take away their shared pain, but Nana could only lay there and let the tears flow from her eyes in choked silence. Eventually Mistress Capella had found her and repaired her body enough for Elsa to help her back to the hideout, but...

As that storm of Unseen Hands raged, Natsumi felt something tug at her soul. She managed to swivel her head enough to catch a glimpse, just a second long break in the writhing shadows as they demolished everything around them, of her Big Brother’s face.

He had been grinning, just like the day she first met him.

She knew it was impossible for him to have registered her presence in that moment, especially from so far away, and yet... They had locked eyes.

Even now, she could see that mad glint in his eyes and the abyss beneath them, threatening to spread and swallow the world and everyone one around him like an inky black cancer.

It was horrifying and beautiful to witness. It was what gave her a purpose. That darkness is what gave birth to this entire Ordeal.

So then why did that black heart of her’s ache for the boy she knew she wouldn’t save?

Reinhard Van Astrea stood near the sight of a destructive battle, a bloody, cracked sword in his hand. The Sword Saint was scowling and his grip on the weapon tightened in frustration. The threat was over, it seemed, for the only mabeasts anywhere nearby were dead in one fashion or another. Of course he had made quick work of those he came across, but since he had been pulled from the Commercial District due to his concern for the Royal Capital’s prison, he had been unable to search for Subaru or even ensure the safety of Lady Felt.

He remembered how he noticed the mabeasts were beginning to swarm towards the Castle, as if drawn there by something. When he recalled who was imprisoned in the dungeons there, Reinhard was forced to act immediately. He couldn’t let the Sin Archbishop of Wrath escape. If she did, he didn’t want to imagine the trouble she would cause.

Other knights were storming the mabeasts in the Noble District, where apparently Margrave Roswaal L. Mathers was using his mastery of magic to eradicate the threat. Reinhard was thankful for his assistance, but the idea that the former sponsor for the Emilia camp was in the Capital bode ill in Reinhard’s chest. He knew from those of the Emilia camp that had joined the Felt camp what kind of man Roswaal had proven himself to be. It made his stomach knot up thinking about what would happen if he found out Subaru was not only back but missing in the city.

Something told him, out of everyone, he needed to keep Subaru away from Roswaal the most.

Duty called, however, so the Sword Saint fought outside the Royal Castle before hurrying to the Noble District to keep an eye on Roswaal, as well as offer aid. By the time he got there, most of the mabeasts had been taken care of. In addition to Roswaal and the knights, there was someone else with them- an amused looking wolf human in a black kimono.

Reinhard was shocked to see someone like him parading his bestial nature so easily, but it only cemented this man’s identity in Reinhard’s memory. They had stood in the remains of the battlefield that was the Noble District, surrounded by dead creatures, as well as a few civilian and knight casualties. Knights and soldiers scurried around to tend to the wounded and assuage the fears of those holed up in their homes before they moved on to another part of the city.

The wolf man pulled out a kiseru and placed it between his teeth as he eyed the Sword Saint. While his expression said it was casual, Reinhard knew it was anything but.

The Admirer was not a person to let their guard down around Reinhard upon their first meeting.

“Oh myyyy, what a foooortunate meeting!” Roswaal said in his usual verbal tic as he approached the two, seemingly unbothered with the burden of clearing an entire city district. “It’s beeeeen a long time, Sir Reinhard.”

“Greetings, Margrave. It has indeed been a long time.” Reinhard said with as easy a smile as he could muster in this situation. He bowed respectfully to the court mage, reminding himself he had to remain polite and proper, even if he was eager to be elsewhere.

Maybe Felt was rubbing off on him.

“Thaaaank you for defending the priiiiison. I’m afraid I haaaaad my hands tied here.” Roswaal continued then gestured to the wolf human. “Ah, how ruuuude of me. Please, allow me to iiiiintroduce Lady Anastasia’s bodyguard, Halibel, though I’m suuuuure his reputation precedes him.”

“What do you mean? I’m just an average bodyguard, nothing special.” Halibel said with a knowing smirk.

Roswaal merely smiled as if it were some private joke, then returned his attention to Reinhard.

“Well, please paaaaardon me Sir Reinhard, but we muuuust be going. There are still maaaaabeasts in the city.”

“That’s not even accounting for the ones that may be in the slums. Poor souls.” Halibel lamented, as if to make a point of bringing it to Reinhard’s attention.

That had been the extent of the conversation, but something about it had tickled the back of Reinhard’s brain. Maybe Felt really was rubbing off on him, but it didn’t feel right.

No matter. Halibel had a point because not many knights had made it to the slums or had even bothered. Reinhard had prayed the others were successful in finding their raven-haired friend and were safe as he once again had to push aside his own feelings to defend the people of the Capital. Granted, these were those who Felt would want him to help, but he couldn’t help but worry about Subaru and the others.

He took up the blade of a fallen knight and eliminated every flying rat he could find. By the time he was confident that the worst was over, and he circled back to be sure the prison was still secure, he felt sick with himself.

He hadn’t made it back to prison when he found them.

How had things gotten to this point? A swarm of this magnitude, nearly a literal army, was impossible as far as he knew. Something was wrong, and that sinking feeling in his gut only got worse when he came upon the scene of the battle where he currently stood.

All around him were the bodies of members of his camp. Soldiers and even civilian volunteers were hurrying around to get Frufroo off Otto, get the oni maids on stretchers, and Reinhard himself was standing over the body of the demi-human healer Lesath. She was bleeding terribly, and her wounds were grievous, especially her ravaged eye.

When he noticed that those caring for the wounded were overlooking the demi-human, Reinhard stepped in and called for aid. No one disobeyed the Sword Saint.

“Sir, do you know this woman?” A soldier asked as he helped Reinhard apply first aid to the demi-human woman, noticing the knight’s unease.

“I do. She’s a healer, actually, one who saved my friend.” Reinhard answered.

The soldier grimaced. “That’s too bad. We really could have used another talented healer right now.”

Reinhard wished that he was a healer, but his talents didn’t lie in that direction. He agreed with the man, but was distracted when he heard someone exclaim.

“This one’s awake!”

The Sword Saint noticed that the woman who announced the news was one of those helping move the maids. Reinhard jumped to his feet and hurried over to the small group.

“Excuse me, but who is awake?” He asked, hoping to get answers.

“Uh, the blue-haired maid.” The woman answered as she stepped aside and allowed him to get closer.

Rem was unmoving, but weakly muttering as her half-lidded eyes scanned around slowly in search of something. Reinhard took her hand and leaned in. This close, he could understand what she was saying breathlessly into the chilled night air.

“Su...baru...”

“Miss Rem? It’s Reinhard. Can you tell me what happened here?” The Sword Saint asked the maid, careful not to raise his voice or stress her out.

The battered maid’s eyes fell upon his face, but he wasn’t sure if she actually saw him. Her eyes were heavy with exhaustion and from the state she was in it was obvious she would be in terrible pain. As she swallowed around a parched, dry throat, Rem tried to whisper the words loud enough for him to hear.

“Pr...Pride...”

Reinhard blinked. Pride? What did she mean, pride?

“What do you mean? I don’t understand, whose pride?” Reinhard asked, confused as to the vague and seemingly nonsensical answer.

“Nan...a...” Rem mumbled further. She weakly licked her lips before saying once again, “Nana...”

Reinhard tensed up. The Sword Saint’s eyes narrowed slightly as the pieces clicked. Feeling the weight of his failure compound, he held Rem’s stare as he confirmed his worst fears.

“This Nana... Did they do this to you? Are they after Subaru?”

Rem gave the smallest of nods.

The knight set his jaw. “Do you know where Subaru is?”

Her eyes slowly shifted in the direction of down the street, towards the rooftops.

Reinhard gave Rem’s hand a reassuring squeeze. He stood and looked to the soldiers around him, “Get these people to the nearest medic. I must take my leave. I fear the perpetrator of this attack is still at large.”

He didn’t wait for them to acknowledge what he said. Time was of the essence, and he feared he was already too late. The Sword Saint raced across the rooftops and quickly picked up a trail of ruined shingles and property damage. He followed it until he came upon an interesting sight.

Racing through the street to his right was a cloaked teenage girl carrying a familiar girl with blonde hair drills on her back.

Immediately recognizing who that was, Reinhard made a few observations. If Beatrice was here, then was Emilia? He had heard the two had contracted. Next, why was she coming from the direction that he had been told Subaru had gone? Both girls looked wounded and filthy. Had there been a fight?

Throwing caution to the wind, the Sword Saint leapt down to stand in front of the two girls.

“Excuse me, but-” He began, but was cut off.

“Move it, asshole!” The teenager snapped with clearly no intention of stopping. “Emilia is in trouble, and I won’t let you get in my way!”

Reinhard was taken aback as he got a better look at the pissed off girl. He was instantly struck by two things.

This girl looked just like Subaru... And Beatrice was barely conscious.

“Please wait a moment! I must find my friend, have you-?”

“Wanna know where Subaru is? Then help me!”

The teenage girl sped past the dubious Reinhard who decided to let them pass him by at first. He looked back in the direction in which they came but ultimately decided to help the strange girl with the scary eyes. It’s not anything tonight had been typical or gone according to plan anyway, what’s one more bout of chaos?

“Wait, allow me to assist you!”

He picked them up and carried both girls, with Maia on his back and Beatrice in his arms, which didn’t pose a problem for the powerful knight. The strange teenager was blushing with embarrassment at being given a ride, but her exhaustion didn’t allow her to protest too much. As they ran and even bypassed the scene of the fight he had just left, Reinhard tried asking questions.

“Who are you, and what happened to Lady Emilia?” He asked, first off.

“Name’s Maia, and she was fighting a scary woman while Subaru, Beatrice, and I chased after Nana.” The girl answered loudly to combat the wind...

There was that name again. Nana.

“Who is Nana? And what happened to Subaru if he’s not with you?”

A strange look passed over Maia’s sweaty, exhausted face. “Look, I’ll tell you what I can but just know that Subaru is safe. I’ll explain after we save Emilia.”

Reinhard accepted that answer. His Divine Protection told him she was being honest, which was good enough for the time being.

Subaru was safe.

It didn’t take long for them to reach Emilia. Garfiel was there with her, to Reinhard’s surprise, but that surprise quickly gave way to cold dread. Emilia was curled tightly into a ball and pouring magic into her abdomen as blood pooled around her.

The Shield of the Felt camp was beside her, using his own healing to try to help her as much as he could. His sunken, red-rimmed eyes didn’t register Reinhard’s arrival. Instead, they were looking down at the trembling half-elf but not at her. He was disassociating as silent tears slowly rolled down his dirt-smudged cheeks.

Maia hopped down and hurried toward the blonde tiger boy with Reinhard carrying Beatrice close behind. When they reached them, Reinhard reached over a placed a hand on Garfiel’s shoulder. The sudden pressure and movement shook Garfiel a bit out of his stupor, but not completely.

“Garfiel, what happened to Emilia?” Reinhard asked.

“I… She was…” Garfiel muttered, almost to himself.

Seeing that Garfiel was not going to be much help at the moment, Reinhard turned his attention back to Emilia. “Miss Emilia, where are you hurt? Who did this?”

Emilia turned her head enough to look up at Reinhard from the corner of her eye. She was running out of mana and had lost a lot of blood. Thankfully, in part due to Felix’s disappearance, Emilia had employed Beatrice’s aid in strengthening her healing abilities. While still nowhere near the late Blue’s level, she wasn’t helpless.

“I-It was… Elsa. She’s alive.” The half-elf maid said as she held Reinhard’s gaze.

The Sword Saint’s eyes went wide. His gaze slipped towards the broke down Garfiel and finally understood what had the boy so disturbed.

Maia stood by the crouching tiger’s side, worriedly staring down at Emilia as she gently rubbed Garfiel’s exposed shoulder. The boy looked at who was touching him and when he noticed it was Maia, his entire body tensed up before he rocketed to his feet.

“You!” Garfiel spat hatefully as he jabbed a finger in Maia’s face. “Ya knew she wa’ alive, din’t ya?! Yer workin’ with her!”

This was news to Reinhard. He quickly placed Beatrice down as gently as he could before standing to intervene.

Beatrice’s hand weakly inched towards Emilia, her own mana stores nearly depleted from cushioning her and Patrasche’s fall. The maid smiled at her contracted spirit, but it came out more as a grimace.

“I have no idea who that woman was!” Maia protested as she stepped back instinctually, which prompted Garfiel to take a step forward, so the girl quickly looked to Reinhard for support. “Look, he knows I’m telling the truth! Right?”

It was true. Whoever this girl was, she hadn’t lied yet.

Yet.

“Garfiel, stand down.” Reinhard calmly interjected.

The blonde boy cut an incredulous glare towards the Saint.

“Are ya nuts? Did ya not hear what I said? She’s working with tha’ crazy bitch!”

Reinhard narrowed his eyes towards Maia, who was visibly sweating and holding up her arms in surrender to Garfiel’s wrath.

“Is this true? Are you associated with the ones who employed Elsa?”

Maia hesitated and gulped, but after a tense couple of seconds she gave a curt nod.

“I was, but now I’m with Subaru.”

Once again, she hadn’t told a lie. Reinhard nodded and looked to Garfiel, who refused to take his eyes off the teen girl. He stood between her and the rest of them, still acting as a Shield even if unconsciously.

“Garfiel, she’s being honest. Leave her be. We must get you and Emilia to a healer immediately.”

“I’m fine!” Garfiel snapped, refusing to move. “Take th’ Princess ‘nd go.”

“We’ll all go.” Maia said before Reinhard to suggest the same. “You keep an eye on me, and we get everyone medical attention. Sound good?”

“… Tch!” Garfiel mulled it over and finally nodded. “Ya carry th’ spirit, and I’ll carry Princess. Reine will watch ya, make sure ya don’t try anythin’ funny.”

That struck Reinhard as odd. He expected the prideful Garfiel to want to be free to intervene if Maia posed a threat. Why was he giving that responsibility to him, instead? It left Reinhard wandering…

What happened here?

Frederica slipped away from the hustle and chaos of the field hospital to check on Meili and Carina. Dawn was still a few hours away, and Frederica had made sure that she was seen by many of the maid staff, healers, and soldiers aiding where she could. More people, many whom she knew, were arriving unknowingly into the hands of their tormentor. She felt sick about having to think about such seedy behavior, but she had little choice in the matter. There was too much at risk.

Both for her, and everyone involved.

The door to the room she had left them in was open. Thankfully, the maid staff of Karsten manor knew of Meili’s employment with Frederica and probably ignored the girl so long as she didn’t cause any trouble. Meili and Carina were both asleep in that room, with Carina curled up in the bed and Meili sprawled out across the floor. The beast tamer had a hard time getting close to Carina due to her deep connection to Capella, even if Carina never harmed Meili.

Frederica understood that fear. Back… well, at least according to the memories that filled Frederica’s head, Carina had hurt the beast maid once. The girl was regretful and tried to make it up to her by being a model daughter, but Frederica could still feel the phantom sensations of that night. Carina had been so confused then, unsure of who or what she was.

Knowing that, Frederica had done her best to forgive her and be the mother Carina had needed at the time.

The beast maid entered the room silently and picked Meili up into her arms. She placed the sleeping girl into the bed beside the blonde and exited the room. When the door clicked shut behind her, Frederica made her way to Subaru’s room.

It would be bad if Capella was caught here. There was no way they could explain her presence if so.

She stood outside the door and gently rapped her knuckles across the smooth surface.

“Mistress, it appears the Sword Saint has arrived with what appears to be the Felt camp.”

No answer.

A bead of sweat rolled down Frederica’s cheek.

“M-Mistress?” She said again, a bit louder as she knocked once more.

The door swung open lazily. It wasn’t locked anymore.

Dread washed over Frederica over what she would find. Duty pushed her forward, and so putting on a brave mask she did so. The interior of the room was dark with only the light of the moon shining in to provide any illumination. Inside that room, however, Frederica was met with a startling sight.

Subaru was the room’s sole occupant, and the window was ajar to let in the chilly night air.

Frederica couldn’t relax, however. No, not until she was sure the crimson eyed woman was gone.

The maid crossed the room to shut the window and scanned the outside for any signs of the shapeshifting Archbishop. She sniffed the air, catching the perfumed scent of Capella throughout the room, but not spying any trace of her. Had she truly left?

Her eyes fell upon Subaru.

The raven-haired Archbishop was unconscious or asleep, she wasn’t sure. But he appeared fully healed and dressed in the clothes Frederica had retrieved for him. On the floor were the now damaged and partially bloody outfit he had been wearing when Capella carried him inside, each article scattered about as if cast aside carelessly. While she gathered the clothes and carefully folded them to be either laundered or disposed of, she breathed a sigh of relief for Subaru seemingly unharmed. Capella hadn’t done something… distasteful, from what she could see.

It always struck her how vastly different Subaru seemed when he was asleep. She’d seen him sleep peacefully with a look of child-like innocence, cry out in the night in the throes of nightmares, and even wake from an unconsciousness that couldn’t even be called sleep for all the good it did him. This man, for that was what he was in truth, was so many things to so many people.

Seeing him now, almost reverted in time to when she first met him in what felt like lifetimes ago, warmed her heart.

Almost like clockwork, Subaru’s brows furrowed, and his expression pinched as he stirred ever so slightly. His body didn’t appear to want to follow his unconscious demands, so instead he gave the softest whimper. It was obvious that even without his memories, Subaru had experienced enough to bring back the nightmares that she was all too familiar with.

Before she knew it, her hand clasped his gently and she began stroking the back of his hand with her thumb. The action caught her by surprise and ignited a spark within her chest, one that demanded her attention. Even though every part of her mind told her to walk away, she found her body refusing to move.

Setting the clothes aside, she crouched by his bedside and held his hand as his face smoothed out, the darkness receding back into the depths of his twisted mind. This wasn’t the first time she had done this for him, but she had certainly thought it would have been the last. He was Capella’s husband now, not her partner in raising his children.

Yet part of her wished otherwise.

Frederica Baumann tilted her blonde head and just stared into his seemingly innocent face. Those dark circles were present, but they weren’t as prominent as they had been. Had losing his memories truly given him such peace?

What would he be like if…?

Would he stop this madness if those memories could never be recovered?

If she knew Subaru the way that she thought she had before the events of Priestella, then there was no doubt in her heart that he would.

She lowered her lips to his hand and gingerly kissed it, using her thumb to rub over the spot as if to press affection into his skin.

Sadly, she knew it was only a matter of time before he truly awakened. The innocent young man, the brilliant strategist, the role model to so many in his life, their hero and to many their closest friend or lover…

That Subaru was now just an illusion, a fragment, a memory.

Just a piece of the man who took up the mantle of a Sin Archbishop, an irony that wasn’t lost on her.

“We truly did fail you… didn’t we, Subaru?”

Of course he didn’t answer, but she hadn’t wanted him to. Part of her wanted to hope that he would come back changed, that he would abandon his Ordeal and become the old Subaru again.

No matter how impossible it seemed.

Whether it was sorrow, guilt, or something else, Frederica didn’t know what compelled her next actions. She sat up on her knees to close the gap between them. Her arms encircled his shoulders, and she hugged him tightly as a single tear rolled down her cheek. Even if they had never been lovers, she had cared for him once.

Pulling away, Frederica gave him a chaste peck on the cheek before getting to her feet, discarded clothing in hand, and making her way to the door.

“…Mm…” A soft whimper escaped his lips, an unconscious plea with her to remain by his side.

His request was denied as she slipped out into the hallway and shut the door behind her. Frederica leaned back against the wooden barrier between them and hung her head in shame. It took her a few seconds to pull herself together, but she was able to do it and make her way back downstairs.

It seemed that the Ordeal was back on track.

Or at least, that’s what she thought.

“Frederica?”

Turning to face the person who addressed her, she was shocked to see Maia walking up to her past half a dozen people with a nervous pursing of her lips. Frederica blinked multiple times as if her vision was playing tricks on her, then she quickly looked around to make sure no one who recognized her was paying attention to the cloaked teen as she approached.

What was Maia still doing here? She nervously asked the girl that much in a hushed tone, terrified that someone would overhear their conversation.

Maia wasn’t supposed to be here. She was supposed to be with Natsumi right now, hiding away and regrouping with the rest of the Family. What in the hell was going on?

Instead of answering her, Maia closed the space between them and hugged Frederica suddenly as she let a few choked tears fall free of her hard, piercing eyes.

To say Frederica was surprised was an understatement. She instinctively returned the gesture with her free hand, even if she still didn’t understand what the teen was doing here again. Sensing the need for privacy, Frederica pulled Maia aside into a nearby supply closest and shut the door behind her. It was enough room for two people to stand in comfortably, but still rather cramped with cleaning supplies.

The upset teen hugged Frederica again and the beast maid lowered Maia’s hood to stroke her raven-black bob cut. Whatever had happened, the damage to the plan was done, it seemed. Instead of pushing her away, Frederica felt the best thing to do was to comfort the poor girl.

“What happened, Maia? Why aren’t you with Nana?” Frederica asked quietly.

“I don’t want to go back there!” Maia whisper-shouted, clinging to Frederica’s uniform. “Big Sis, something’s wrong... Papa said that Nana was trying to kill him and Lesath... I don’t understand-”

“You know Natsumi always takes things too far,” Frederica tried to reason. “She’s... Hard to deal with, but I don’t think she would-”

“Papa said that she killed him!”

Frederica’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“Maia, that’s impossible. Your Papa is alive and well. How could she have killed him?”

“I don’t know!” Maia placed a hand over her heart. “Big Sis, I know this sounds crazy, but... I don’t think he was lying. The way he said it, and that look in his eyes... I’d know if he was lying.”

Frederica wasn’t sure how to process this information. After all, she had just held Subaru’s hand a few minutes ago. The man was safe and sleeping upstairs, so how could Natsumi have killed him? Even before Capella had healed him, he had been alive.

She thought about it for a few seconds. Of course, she was mostly aware of Subaru’s impossible abilities. If memory served, he had used the Authority of Gluttony to control mabeasts in the past, and she had heard of him using the same ability as Natsumi, those Unseen Hands as she called them.

Her former co-parent had always had a knack for achieving the impossible, but returning from the dead...?

Frederica involuntarily paled at the thought of the ‘resurrection’ of Lesath and Castor. There was no way Subaru was capable of doing that to himself, was he...? No, surely not. Definitely not.

So, then what was Maia talking about...?

Regardless, she knew that Maia was liable to be severely punished for disobeying. Frederica was not privy to the plan after this supposed point, but she understood Maia was not supposed to be here. She feared what the girl staying around any longer would mean for both of them. Be it Capella or Natsumi, neither were the type of person Frederica wanted to upset.

Maia buried her face in Frederica’s shoulder as she struggled against her sobs.

“I... I hated hearing that, Big Sis. There was a woman who tried to attack Auntie Emilia. She scared her and that stupid scar-faced blonde boy... Papa wanted me to help him and when I did, we found Nana,” Maia hiccupped, reminding herself of her ‘sister’ who would do the same when she cried.

Ignoring the obvious description of her little brother, Frederica pressed her cheek to the girl’s head as she let her continue.

“Nana had... She had hurt everyone. Lesath, Papa, even... I thought they were dead, Big Sis! I thought-!”

“Shh,” Frederica shushed the girl who had been raising her voice with every word. They rocked gently as she continued to stroke Maia’s hair, whispering comfort to the girl. She knew who she was referring to and it broke Frederica’s heart to hear Maia, the stoic, composed one of the Natsuki children, breaking down like this.

To bring her back to a better state of mind, Frederica asked Maia, “When you saw your mother again, did it make you happy?”

Maia didn’t say anything for a while. She choked up and finally nodded against the blonde woman’s embrace. “It did, but... It scared me, too.”

She could understand that. Garfiel had gone through a similar experience in Priestella, when he miraculously ran into their long-lost mother. Of course, the feelings weren’t exactly the same, but that didn’t matter in the long run. The entire night had been taxing, even traumatizing, for Maia Natsuki.

This changed things, however. Frederica couldn’t overstep here, lest things turn dark for them all, but Maia was protected to some extent. Subaru wouldn’t let any harm come to Maia or Carina. Not even Capella crossed that line with her husband, for obvious reasons. If Maia and Carina, who was kept in the dark, could stick close to Subaru and possibly influence him as he awakened...

Maybe they could convince him to end this...

That only left Frederica with one option.

Pulling away from the embrace just enough to look down at the teen girl, she put a hand on Maia’s toned upper arm and looked her dead in eye. “Maia, listen to me. If you’re going to hide from Natsumi, then you have to stick close to Subaru, okay? It’s the safest place you can be right now.”

“Big Sis, when she finds me...”

“I know, but she can’t do anything about it,” Frederica said gravely, but tried to stay determined. “Subaru won’t let anything happen to you, not now and not ever. Protect him alongside Carina and maybe Mistress Capella and Natsumi will overlook this, okay?”

Maia wiped away her tears but still looked downcast as she nodded to Frederica’s suggestion. The beast maid gave her one more hug before pulling away and motioning for the door before opening it for the teenage swordswoman.

“Subaru is on the top floor, in the same room Emilia and Beatrice placed you in earlier. Go be with him for now, I’m sure you both need it.”

With a silent nod, Maia brushed past the arm of clothes Frederica was carrying and out the door.

Something plinked on to the floor.

Curious, something must have fallen out of Subaru’s pocket.

Frederica looked down at her feet to see what it was and froze up as if the object she spied was a poisonous viper.

No, no, no, no- he promised me he got rid of that cursed thing! He promised me!

Her back collided with the wrack behind her, rattling it and the various contents on its shelves noisily. Frederica felt her mouth go dry and her entire body trembling with unease. So many terrible feelings and memories were tied to that damned thing. Had he held on to it all this time? Why would he do that?

When she agreed to help him raise Carina and the others, she had asked him to throw it into the river and to never look back. He was said he already had, and she had believed him. As bile rose up in her throat, Frederica just couldn’t accept that the Subaru of her memories had lied to her. Not about this.

Not after everything that happened.

She broke out in a cold sweat as she reached down with clammy, trembling hands to pick up that fragment of her nightmares between her fingers. The object’s weathered surface glinted in the light coming in from the hallway. Just looking at it made her feel filthy.

It was just a coin, after all.

Unable to stand the sight of it anymore, she stuffed the thing into her apron pocket and hurried out of the supply closest.

Deep down, Frederica knew what she would have to do.

She’d have to keep the promise he couldn’t.

Chapter Text

IMPORTANT: Alright everyone, I am putting this here instead of the Chapter Notes because I want everyone to see this before they dive into the chapter. This chapter contains a scene I commissioned from Yashak, the author of His, Forever and Love Yourself. If you don't know that by now, then let me remind you that they are a fantastically talented writer. Currently, my friend is taking a well-deserved break. No, they have not abandoned their fics and will return when they are ready. Do not worry, because this chapter is a token of what they have in store for the Re:Zero community...

Yashak and I discussed Capella about a month ago. Based on canon knowledge and her own dialogue, we wondered what her backstory was and how she became the Capella we know and love. So, Yashak got to work and literally made a backstory for Capella. I've read their outline for it and as Character Studies are Yashak's specialty, it did not disappoint and really put the pieces together on her past, trauma, and as you'll see with my fic, how her 'redemption' was possible through her madness. When Yashak returns, they plan on working on this Capella backstory and posting it for all of us to enjoy. 

That being said, "Yashak's Capella" as we've taken to calling her is the Capella you shall see in this work. She is essentially canon, plus a new fleshed out backstory. Now, I covered enough of her backstory within this chapter to give people the idea of what happened, but I refuse to pull the rug from under my friend's feet. As far as I'm concerned, this is as fleshed out as I'm going to get with her backstory- because it's enough to justify what will be within RFTS. While I did edit a little bit of his commissioned scene, all I changed was some of Subaru's inner thoughts and NOTHING OF CAPELLA'S CHARACTER!!! I may have added a bit to flesh out what was there, but nothing that altered her from Yashak's vision. 

So now, I would like to extend my thanks to my friend Yashak for putting up with my constant Capella talk and writing this wonderfully twisted scene. The final flashback between Capella and Subaru is their work, so if that is your favorite part then please let us know in the comments so I can show them how much you love it!

*Cough* Possible Capella smut by Yashak in the forecast. Get Hyped.

Special thanks to A_Guy_Named_Tom and Remiju for this chapter as well. Both of them truly helped me refine this chapter and really flesh out some of the themes I wanted for this cursed couple, as well as Subaru himself. Both of these writers are amazing and the quality of this chapter wouldn't be anywhere near what it is without their input!

Please enjoy the next chapter in my twisted tale of retribution, suffering, betrayal, and love!

By the way, anyone notice my new profile pic? I changed it in honor of this chapter. 

Remember, leave a comment on your thoughts and opinions about this chapter! Have a wonderful day!

It was funny, being back in the Karsten Manor. Capella Emerada Lugunica-Natsuki had come here once before at the behest of her beloved. Using her Authority, it had been a quick errand, nothing more. As she carried her beloved through the hallways, she could recall the exact location within this large display of wealth and prestige where she had abducted the stupid feline demi-human. She had entered his room as a spider through the window, changed him into a fly, and paralyzed him before wrapping him up nicely and making her escape. 

She remembered how Subaru had rewarded her for that flawless execution. Just thinking about it made her tingle. He had been so grateful for her hard work then, and even more so with what they did with the pathetic creature. 

Capella couldn’t help but have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, the former Blue had been instrumental in their plans, while on the other she couldn’t help but be jealous of the bond Subaru and the demi-human forged once he broke their mind. 

Oh well, her Hubby was back in her loving arms now.

Finally alone and locked away in the bedroom within Karsten Manor, it hadn’t taken long for Capella to undress Subaru. She wasn’t bashful or hesitant in the slightest. Despite that, she did take care to do it slowly and in a way that didn’t cause him discomfort. One by one, she peeled off every article of clothing on his body until he was completely exposed to her hungry crimson eyes. She made sure to heal his wounds with her Authority and restore him to peak health, careful to not undo her previous alterations to his body. 

As much as she now loved him, eyes and all, she had refused to let him be in anything but peak health. Like with Lesath, who was probably the weakest of Subaru’s children, she had reinforced his body to be stronger, faster, and more durable- but not inhuman. Her husband was prone to getting hurt, after all. She even repaired his gate for him before they tied the knot!

Climbing atop his lean and muscular body, Capella pulled the covers over them both as she straddled his hips and left no space between their bodies. 

Capella’s flushed face hovered mere inches from the unconscious Subaru. A lewd grin was spreading across her crafted, youthful features as she cupped his cheek gently. He was so striking, even when he wasn’t aware. The blushing Archbishop of Lust drank in the sight of her husband and savored the feeling of his skin, that deceptive look of innocence that she adored so much. 

When she had first met this man, he had been another plaything and nothing more. A piece of meat to have fun with as she pleased until she grew bored and replaced him. 

That was the idea at the time, anyway.

When she met Subaru, he had white hair and only a single eye at the time. That coupled with a branded tongue, she had truly thought he had been a hideous, pitiful little scrap of meat. The Cultists serving under her in Gusteko had captured him when he had wandered a little too close to the cave system that she had been using as her base. 

“My, my, lookie what my Children found! What happened to you, huh? You look like you just crawled out of a grave or something!” Capella jeered as she cackled at the weird white-haired man’s expense. 

Said man was tied up, his hands bound behind his back, as he sat on his knees before Capella. He was flanked by two silent Cultists brandishing wicked looking daggers. Despite being in a hopeless situation, the unknown intruder was staring at her with his singular eye in what could only be described as awe and nervousness. 

Capella leaned forward with her hands on her hips, letting the man get an eyefull of her perfect body. 

To her mild irritation, he didn’t look her up and down like she thought he would. Instead, the man stared into her crimson orbs and didn’t look away. The dumbass didn’t seem to understand who he was dealing with. 

Curling her lips into a feral smile, Capella kicked him across the face. He fell to the ground with a cry of mild surprise rather than pain. That only added to her irritation, so she stomped on that ugly face and ground it into the dirt slowly. 

There, that ought to do it!

She grinned as she continued to taunt this stupid meatbag. 

“Oh wow, your skin is pretty soft on my tired, dirty feet! Oh, I know~!” Capella wriggled her toes in front of his now split lips. “Maybe you can make yourself useful and lick them clean! If you do a good job, then maybe this lovely, generous lady will reward you~!” 

“I’d rather not.” He said with just a hint of suicidal amusement, not hatred, in order to cover his nerves. “That’s not why I came here.” 

Using her foot to lift his head up enough to meet her gaze once again, Capella tilted her head to the side as his disobedience to her very reasonable demands eroded her patience. 

“Is that so~? Tell me then, you worthless piece of meat, why did you come here?”

He smiled with his bleeding lips, and for some reason, it caught Capella’s attention in a way that she had never expected. When he spoke, his voice carried with it a weight that seemed to resonate within her mind. Whatever this was, Capella couldn’t understand it or why she was feeling it. There was just something about this meat that she liked.

“I came here looking for you.” He said with genuine honesty. 

Capella felt her heart quicken...

So, she reached down and picked him up by the collar of his shirt. He tried to get his feet underneath him, but she didn’t lift him high enough to make it easy. Instead, she brought her face close to his and giggled sadistically before cooing with twisted affection. 

“Aww, how adorable! Of course, the little doggie came looking for the most beautiful, perfect woman! Poor thing, no one loves you enough to get your puny dick wet before you die~!”

She expected an indignant reaction at the blow to his pride as a man, but it didn’t happen. He didn’t even flinch. For some reason, that irritated the barbed tongue woman.

He raised an eyebrow, the one over his remaining eye, and said, “I have no intention of dying just yet. There is still plenty I can offer you, if you let me live.”

“Oh~? You’re putting an awful lot of worth in yourself there, aren’t ya, ugly?” Capella cackled again as she grabbed his throat with her free hand. Her fingers extended like serpents around his throat until they completely encompassed this neck like a noose. “Just what do you think you can possibly offer me? If it’s my body you’re wanting, then I maaaay~ let you at least get a peek before you croak!”

“I’m an inventor, businessman, and strategist. I could be useful to you by making exclusive items just for your use, and even help you plan your next move. I have many contacts in Kararagi and Lugunica that-”

“Hmmm,” Capella interrupted as she faked contemplation, putting a finger to her chin as she looked away for just a moment. “Sounds boring. Oh!” 

She perked up and brought her face close to his, that mad glint in her crimson eyes reflecting off the torchlight in the cave around them. “I know what you can do, meat!”

Suddenly, he didn’t seem particularly amused, but he still decided to humor her. Honestly, the sudden shift in demeanor made her very curious. It seemed there was more to him than he was letting on.

“Oh goody, and what’s that?” He deadpanned, his eyes softening as if suddenly bored.

Why wasn’t he scared of her? Capella didn’t understand what this meatbag’s problem was, but it intrigued her. Normally, this kind of disrespect would have been met with his head being splattered across the walls, but for some reason... Capella didn’t want to do that. What she wanted right now...

“You’re going to be my ugly new body pillow!”

His abyssal eye widened as his cheeks grew warm. 

“W-Wait, what the-?” The man sputtered, caught completely off guard.

Capella laughed loudly at his stupefied expression before dragging him off deeper into the hideout dug into the cave system.

“So, what the hell’s your deal, anyway? Why are you so ugly?” 

She expected him to scoff or otherwise be offended. Instead, the man known as Subaru once again defied her expectations by chuckling as if she had just told him a mild joke. It’s been nearly two weeks, and he still didn’t make sense to her. If he hadn’t been so amusing to keep around thus far, she probably would have disposed of him already. 

Despite her initial disregard to his skillset, she did make use of him. Subaru had aided Sakura Element in her more administrative duties for Capella’s assassination organization, though most of what he had been given were nonvital reports and the like. Capella was not an idiot nor trusting, and so Subaru was tested in both patience and skill. His organizational skills were top notch and despite not having left the cave system, his efforts were quickly catching her attention. 

He didn’t try to run or hide. He was so serious at times when he thought she wasn’t paying attention but smiled with genuine pride and appreciation when he was praised by Capella herself. She had thought maybe he was just a praise whore, but, when Sakura or anyone else praised him, he seemed indifferent yet polite in its reception. There was a bit of lingering malaise around him, an aura of melancholy that she could spot a mile away even if he was smiling at her, but that expression felt different when it was her receiving it.

Like it was only her opinion he valued.

She’s had sycophants before and wasn’t impressed by them past whatever amusement they could provide before they were used up and tossed aside. 

Subaru didn’t feel like a sycophant, however, which is one reason why she was determined to make him love her as she deserved.

Which brings Capella to why she is here with him now. She demanded for him to make her dinner and to eat it with her. Maybe that way she could pick his brain a little. Torture was still an option, but she didn’t want to break him just yet.

So instead, here he was making some strange cuisine from his homeland. The kitchen was empty save for them. While he boiled water over firewood stove and sliced vegetables on the counter beside her thigh, Capella right beside his workspace and kicked her legs forward and back as she watched him. He smiled pleasantly as he worked, careful not to get too close to her exposed flesh with his knife. 

“I was… thrown away, really. The people I trusted most turned on me and-“

Capella grabbed a fistful of his snowy locks and yanked his head towards her. “I asked why you’re ugly, not your sad, pathetic life story. Don’t waste this lovely lady’s time again.”

Subaru chuckled nervously, “Got it, won’t happen again.”

There it was again. That lack of fear. It wasn’t absent, not entirely. Sometimes she could get a rise out of him and make that delicious fear flash across his features, but then there were times like this when he seemed… different, like she was a person, and not the powerful Sin Archbishop of Lust. 

Truthfully, she was only acting this way to remind him that he should fear and love her in equal measure.

While some alien part of her enjoyed this amusing piece of meat’s dynamic with her, another part of her hated it.

Bringing her face close to his, Capella smiled with all the sweetness of a cobra. 

“You’re my new toy, understand? If you don’t show this lovely, perfect lady proper respect then I’m going to take your other eye and make you swallow it. Answer my question and then shut up.”

Subaru nodded once. 

Capella pouted playfully and patted his cheek with a few light slaps. “Good boy~! Now tell Mama what she wants to hear before her patience runs out.”

“My friends tortured me.”

“That’s all~? Poor baby, do you need some of Mama’s love?”

That glint in her eyes broadcasted exactly what kind of ‘love’ she was willing to give her captive pet.

Subaru audibly gulped, then smiled and answered with a slightly trembling voice, “N-No, thank you. Just being beside you is enough for me.”

Beside her, not ‘basking in her presence’. 

She thought she had beaten that into him already, but it appears he needed to be reminded on how to properly worship her.

Capella’s eye twitched as a tic mark appeared on her temple. 

Subaru frowned knowingly. 

The next thing Subaru knew he was being shoved roughly into the table behind him as Capella began punishing him for his lack of respect. 

Five days later, Capella was in the bedroom with her pet. It had been such an exhausting day for the ever patient and loving Archbishop. To end the night, she had decided to put Subaru to work as stress relief. He had been reading some financial documents and jotting down notes when she kicked the door in and threw him against the wall to vent her frustrations. Subaru had hit the rock hard enough to cry out in pain, which only encouraged the sweetest woman in his life. 

The poor thing might as well have asked her to use him in any way she desired.

After using him as a literal punching bag, she had expected him to be a whimpering mess. 

“Now, what do you say to your beautiful and amazing master?” Capella asked him as his body slumped against the foot of the bed in a heap. 

“I’m happy... That I could be helpful to you.” He muttered past swollen, bruised cheeks and blood dribbling down his chin. 

She had wanted to see in his black eye a broken soul completely devoted to her. Yet Subaru just stared up at her with understanding and never uttered a word of complaint. She leaned down in front of him, her hands on her knees, and frowned at that singular eye. Was her new toy too used to physical pain? 

She should have guessed as much, if he was tortured as he had said. 

How boring .

It was enough for Capella to lose interest in his pain and instead use him for another kind of comfort. Smiling devilishly, she gave him a new command.

“This lovely lady is tired, my little ugly duckling. Sit down and cuddle Mama.”

Subaru pulled himself up off the ground and did as he was told. He was gritting his teeth against the pain, but there was no disdain in his eyes. No, there something else in his eyes that felt oddly familiar. Was it a sense of brokenness? That made her smile.  

She was sitting on his lap, her exposed back pressing against his black sweater, as he just held her. Capella enjoyed the blush that bloomed across his gaunt cheeks as she wiggled against his groin, but he still didn’t protest her treatment of him. She could feel his arousal pressing against her and it made her giggle with self-satisfaction. Too bad she had no plans of relieving him of his burden. 

“Such a naughty boy~!”

As if to distract himself, Subaru began sharing his thoughts. 

“I-I have enjoyed spending time with you, Mistress.” Subaru said through swollen, busted lips. “Did you enjoy the dinner I made you last night?”

Capella brought a finger to her lips as she playfully pretended to think it over, still gyrating her hips in a circular motion with an innocently coy expression. Looking over her shoulder and up into his pained expression, Capella’s act fell and she smirked mischievously as she drove her hips directly against the heat he was producing. Her depraved mind relished in the fact that he wasn’t immune to her beauty, no matter how proper and respectful he tried to conduct himself.

People are slaves to their desires, and Subaru was no different. Such was the kind of love humans were so prone to giving. Pathetic, worthless things. 

“Hmm, I did enjoy the curry, as you call it, but maybe next time I’ll use you as the meat~!”

He chuckled. “I gotcha, Mistress; please forgive your unworthy pet if he let you down.”

Capella didn’t appreciate his tone, but for some reason it didn’t anger her as much as she had expected it to. That almost made her react in anger in and of itself, but she found her seat too comfortable after a very trying day. Besides, if Subaru was immune to the fear of pain, then she needed to punish him in a different manner... 

Let’s see how he handles touching temptation itself.

“It’s so good to hear you know your place! Now, be a good boy and tuck Mama in~!”

Subaru smiled and complied as he ignored his screaming muscles and fractured bones. Capella crawled off his lap and made a show of shimmying her hips as she made her way to the head of the bed and waited for him to pull back the bear fur blanket. He did so and tucked the blonde shapeshifter into the king-sized bed tenderly, as if she was precious and made of glass, not out of fear of her wrath.

There was a clear difference in those motivations, and it caught her attention.

As he turned to sit on the ground by her bedside, she decided to surprise him with a fitting reward.

Capella was snuggled up under the covers, warm and comfortable, when she grabbed a hold of his wrist and pulled him closer. 

“Get in bed and hold this lovely lady~!”

He blushed lightly, but didn’t dare argue with the volatile woman. Subaru walked to the other side of the bed and remained completely clothed as he climbed in behind her. Getting impatient, she yanked his arm and rested it around her smooth and toned waist. The entire bed smelled faintly of flowers and musk, but she knew it was probably the softest bed he’d ever laid in.

That was just how generous she was!

As Capella’s body nestled against his, she noticed for the first time how perfectly her body fit together with his. Like two pieces of a puzzle, her hand drifted to his as she held it against her bare stomach. She found her finger drawing tiny circles among the scars that littered nearly every square inch of his flesh. The scars were smooth and firm, while the skin in-between was soft and cool to the touch. Such a strange texture difference from the pads of his fingers and his palms, which were rough with callouses. 

It felt... So nice against her skin.

Something sparked, now familiar and still uncomfortable, in her chest. She frowned facing away from him, trying to discern what this was and why it bothered her. 

As she analyzed it, Capella realized something. 

This feeling scared her. 

“H-Huh?” Subaru gasped as she pushed him away and roughly climbed on top of him. 

She pinned his arms above his head and grinned down at him like a feral animal, her cheeks burning softly in the candlelight. As she straddled him, she changed her form to reveal her lithe little body in all its unnatural perfection. Fully nude and exposed, the depraved Sin Archbishop of Lust expected him to want her, to sneak a peek at the goddess that she was, and desire her like everyone should. 

Everyone should love her in every way. All love existed to be monopolized by her and her alone. Anything less was unacceptable. It didn’t matter what she had to do or become to get it.

That was what it meant to be loved.

Looking down on him now, she felt herself getting lost.

Subaru just held her gaze, his cheeks a light pink, but not once did his eyes drift lower. 

It wasn’t lust in his eyes, but…

“Are you... okay?”

Capella froze up, that perverted grin still splitting her features. 

He was… asking if she was okay; her, his captor and beloved master. She hadn’t been expecting this from him, not in this setting. Everyone had a breaking point, everyone succumbed to their base desires eventually, and all it took was the right push. 

He made no move to satisfy his sinful desires with the bait she offered. 

In fact, as they stared into each other’s eyes, Capella became aware that the pressure against her core was gone.

That was impossible. She had gotten him aroused in this form, so why...?

“Did I do something wrong?”

Capella’s entire body began to shake.

“I’m worried about you. Are you okay?” Subaru gently asked again as he slipped one hand from her grasp and reached up to her. 

This wasn’t right. No, it was her that was supposed to make him speechless, to drive him mad with love for her. Her cheek and eye twitched as a thunderstorm of clashing emotions raged throughout her mind. 

“I’m sorry if I am not... What you need me to be.”

When his scarred fingers brushed against her tender flesh, she nearly jumped. The sudden warmth in her chest made her shiver as goosebumps emerged across her exposed yet ignored body. By the Od, this wasn’t right!

How was he doing this?!

Subaru tilted his head, almost quizzically, with that damn look. 

Not even her fucking mother had looked at her like that. 

“... Talk to me... Capella?”

Her eyes widened.

No! Baring her fangs like a beast, Capella brought her wrist to her mouth and bit into the pristine flesh. Don’t you dare mock me, you fucking worthless piece of meat!

Subaru didn’t have time to react as she poured her blood on to the black eyepatch he wore over his missing eye, the inky black sludge pooling into his skin and spreading across the right side of his face instantly. The only thing he was aware of was the agony of Dragon’s Blood invading his body and his screams piercing the air. He struggled beneath Capella’s body and tried to push her off him, but she could not be dislodged from her perch no matter how much he clawed and punched.

Capella was flushed and grinning maniacally as her pet writhed beneath her in the purest pain that she’d ever seen from him. The thrashing of his hips against her womanhood felt so satisfying. It was familiar and comforting to the sadistic monster, but something struck her as her skin knitted itself back together. She felt pleasure in his pain, it was still gratifying, but something was stabbing her in the chest like a rock lodged into her heart. 

It was feeling she hadn’t felt for a long time, or at least one she hadn’t acknowledged in herself. 

Shame.

Eventually the pain was enough to put Subaru unconscious. His body went slack, and his breathing faded to next to nothing. The white-haired young man’s slack-jawed mouth hung open and his one good eye was rolled up towards the back of his head. Spit, snot, and tears rolled down his face in a disgusting testimony to the mind-breaking agony he had just endured.

Capella reached down to rip off that stupid eyepatch to reveal what that empty, ravaged eye socket looked like now. 

It was puckered and pulsing, with the scarred flesh bubbling like a cauldron. The Sin Archbishop watched with morbid fascination as a milky white substance began spilling from those bubbling blisters and reformed his missing eye. If she were honest with herself, Capella hadn’t seen this kind of reaction before. 

It was so interesting!

The skin around the eye was black and oily, as was common with the curse, and extended down the side of his face and into his neck like necrotic tissue. The veins and arteries were visible and pulsed painfully beneath that terrible visage. Subaru’s eye, while returned, was also affected. The sclera was bloody red black with pulsating capillaries; his dark iris was now actually lighter than the rest of his eye. 

Capella poked the regenerated eyeball curiously and wondered if he’d be able to see out of it. Part of her wanted to wake him up and find out. She pulled her finger away with a trail of slime connecting her digit to his unexpectedly generous gift from her blood; his sweater made a nice napkin to clean the nastiness off.

Oh well. Now the even uglier duckling could thank her for giving him his eye back!

Nestling down on his softly rising and falling chest, Capella used her defective pet as a pillow. Subaru got off easy this time, but eventually he would outlive his usefulness. This man would fall to and for her, just like everyone else. 

She tried to squash that annoying feeling that clenched her heart and whispered in the back of her mind. Maybe she should just kill him before it nagged her anymore, even if he did amuse her. He was her property after all, just another worthless life whose only purpose was to shower her with love. 

It was strange, though. She couldn’t get comfortable. It wasn’t that he wasn’t a great pillow- he was, actually- but something just felt... Off. Was she cold? 

Impossible... 

Oh! Wait!

The hand that Subaru used to stroke her cheek was laying limply off to the side. Capella pouted and pulled it to her chest so that she could nuzzle it like a fleshy stuffed animal. 

Much better~!

Before she finally decided to drift off to sleep, Capella smiled as she imagined how much she was going to make him squirm tomorrow. 

Back in the present and once again in a similar position atop her husband, Capella remembered those early times and suppressed the rising guilt in her heart. She had been wicked to him, truly, and if she could go back in time then she would have saved him from herself a thousand times over. If such a thing were possible, then she would do it because he had saved her. In all her long life, never had she met someone like him.

It didn’t seem right, because no matter how much she tormented him for her own amusement, he still approached her with love and patience- not the kind of love that she was used to or demanded, but something she had truly never known yet craved. Subaru Natsuki had come to her not as a sycophant or as a pawn, but as a person who could not be broken by her. It wasn’t until later that she realized she couldn’t break him because he had already been broken. 

She found herself thinking about him when he wasn’t around, craving his attention more than anyone else, and even going out of her way to interact with him. He amused her, but there was something more there. The teasing touches and depraved gestures of her love for her pet became nervous hand holds and sensual caresses. Her barbs went through his dead heart until they began to dull upon her tongue. 

“More than anything I wanted to be loved. I was never enough as I was, and so I spent my youth trying to become something worthy of notice… but it didn’t matter. My Mama told me that my worth was in my beauty, nothing else, and so by the time I was fifteen…”

Capella stood there trembling, unable to meet the hollow eyes that burned into her back.

“By the time I was fifteen… I learned that my worth was found in the beds of disgusting worms who only wanted my body. They told me I was beautiful, that they loved me…” 

“Why couldn’t anyone love me, Subaru?”

Subaru closed the gap between them and reached out to her. He gently put his hands on her shoulders. As if she would fall apart at any moment, Subaru turned the Archbishop of Lust to face him and lifted her chin with a finger. Their eyes met and Capella saw two tears roll down each of his cheeks. 

Tears being shed for her and her alone.

What she saw in those abyssal eyes stole her breath away, but it was what he said next that stole her heart.

“They may not have been able to love you, but I do. I love you for who you are, for just being you, Capella Emerada Lugunica… and I always will.”

Of course, Capella had tried to deny her love for him. That lump of tissue nestled in her ribs had been warped and ripped apart long ago with no chance of having been properly nurtured in the first place. These feelings, so much like her usual fascination and lusts, yet so different frightened her to the core. 

She had tried to kill him for making her feel so vulnerable, so... human.

To her surprise, he had been able to anticipate and hold his ground against her long enough to press his lips against her own. It was the first time a kiss had ever meant anything to Capella since that awful day so long ago. She remembered melting into his touch and pulling him to the ground with her. This kiss, their first true kiss out of this uncomfortable alien feeling, tasted like the copper of blood, the ash of burning timbers, and the saltiness of their combined sweat and tears. 

It was the most wonderful thing she’d ever experienced. 

They had made love that night. It wasn’t some primal use of each other’s bodies to scratch an itch nor some fun pastime, but something new and exciting tempered with a gentle touch and the rhythmic beating of their hearts. She had wept in his arms like some pathetic lovesick child, but instead of killing him for seeing her so weak, she had pressed even deeper into his neck and let him take care of her in every way she needed.

Capella Emerada Lugunica refused to let him go from that moment forward. He would belong to her, and for the first time... She would allow herself to belong to another: to her husband, Subaru Natsuki. 

She recalled these events as she straddled him in that bed, his body bare beneath her. It was a sight she never grew tired of. His freshly cleaned body was cool to the touch, a sign of how spent he was from the night’s events. Capella ran a finger from his lips, down his chin, traced his throat and drug the digit down his leanly muscled chest to rest just above the heart that belonged to her. It was beating against her palm slowly, reminding her that he was alive. 

Capella licked her lips longingly. Her darling was just so damn delicious.

During their walk to the Karsten Manor, Carina had filled her loving Mama in on what had happened between him and Nana, and of course, what Nana had done to Lesath and Subaru’s old friends. She had listened as best she could and tried to be as patient with her daughter as possible, as Subaru had encouraged her to do in order to truly become a good mother and not the same tyrant she had been. While she listened and tried to soothe Carina’s worries, Capella was reminded of something. 

She honestly didn’t give a fuck about those friends of his, but she gave more than just fucks about how Nana treated Subaru tonight. Oh you silly bitch, there was going to be hell to pay!

Right now, however, Capella just wanted to be with her husband. She knew that if he were to wake up right now, he’d have no idea who this lovely lady was atop his naked body, and part of her wanted to surprise him with just that, but she knew he’d be upset with her in the end. 

So, she let him rest. He deserved it after he lost control of himself in the city. It’d be a lie if Capella said she hadn’t been worried about him, which is why she just couldn’t leave without a few cuddles first. 

When she pressed her lips against his, she had to restrain herself from taking advantage of him more than she already was. Old habits die hard, as they say. 

She playfully nibbled his lip before pulling away and sitting upright in his lap, her dress hiked up to pool around her creamy upper thighs to allow her the best seat in the house. Oh, how she missed his touch, his scent, his eyes- just him . Not for the first time, she was thankful this man had come into her life from another world. 

More than that, she couldn’t wait for them to welcome another life into their world. 

The Archbishop of Lust rubbed her abdomen lovingly as something stirred within her chest, a type of giddiness that reminded her so much of how excited their little Carina could get. It has been almost two months, and while Capella was not a patient woman by any means, she refused to alter their child in any way. She was terrified that if she did, not only would she risk harming their baby, but what if she changed the parts they’d inherit from their father, the man who saved her? 

It was so exciting , she admitted to herself. 

Capella bit the fingernails of the hand she had placed against her abdomen with an intense blush and a wide, fanged grin. She was quivering with joy.

Her and Subaru, a proper family to make up for all the pain and hurt she had suffered at the hands of her own parents and upbringing. In return for that promised future, she would help him face his own pain and destroy it once and for all. She’d help him fulfill his Ordeal. 

It was enough to make her swoon and squeal like a dumb schoolgirl, or maybe that bitch Sirius. 

Just thinking about that mummified freak made Capella’s smile falter a bit. She was going to have to address her sooner or later, before she got any funny ideas about her darling Subaru. Damn homewrecker! Hussie!

Looking down at his sleeping face one more time, Capella leaned down to press herself against him and ran her fingers through his unruly black hair. 

“Your lovely, perfect wife has got to go now, darling. Don’t let those hussies get too close, okay~? I won’t forgive them if they do.” Capella Emerada Lugunica-Natsuki cooed softly against her husband’s lips. “I’ll see you again soon, but until then...” 

A sensual goodbye kiss later, the crimson-eyed blonde pulled away to mush his cheeks together in her hand as she whispered the words, “I love you so, so, so very much~!”

Did his eyes just flutter? She stopped and watched in anticipation for any sign that he was awake. Nothing changed, however, and she sighed. Must have been her imagination. Her poor hubby, unable to gaze upon her in this state.

Pulling her hand away, Capella suddenly dropped the over-the-top persona she wore so well. He was everything she needed, something she could acknowledge within the private depths of her own mind and heart. It was moments like this, when they were alone and the world was asleep, that she could try to remind him how much he truly meant to her in a way that made him happy. 

“I really love you, my perfect Subaru. Your beautiful Cappie is going to miss you.”

Capella reluctantly climbed off her comatose husband and dressed him carefully so as not to disturb him further. She was such a thoughtful wife! When she was done, she caressed his cheek once more and made her way to the window as her black dress flowed around her bare ankles. Every part of her selfish, disgusting nature demanded she turn around and take him with her, but she couldn’t do that. Not yet, at least not until he completed his goal. 

She couldn’t help but smirk with grim amusement at the thought of what lay ahead for this damned kingdom, and those stupid, ungrateful brats that dared put Subaru through hell after hell. 

It was going to be so fun to watch it all burn down.

Stepping out of the window, Capella took the form of a large bat and flew from the room into the night. She knew the way to her destination and was able to reach it in no time. As she descended from the sky and landed on the windowsill in the form of a tubby, pregnant black cat, she peeked through the glass and saw Castor’s sleeping form. 

Hmph.

Cat-pella reached up and used a thumbed paw to pull open the window so that she could slip inside. She didn’t bother closing it behind her. Castor should be grateful that her lovely Mama had the decency to not wake her. If it had been Carina, she would have closed it...

The night was getting pretty chilly by now, Capella could admit from her flight here. It was also cold in the room now because she had left it open up to this point...

Ugh, fiiiine!

Cat-pella’s tail extended and slithered through the air like a tentacle to grab the window and begrudgingly close it. 

Subaru considered Castor to be one of their children, so she supposed she should try to be better, too.

She slinked across the room, her pregnant tummy swaying beneath her all the way out of the room. In the hallway, Capella took on the familiar form of Pollux and made her way to the secret doorway that led to the basement. She reached up and pulled on one of the books and waited. 

Nothing happened.

She did the same to another book.

Still nothing. 

Growling in frustration, the Sin Archbishop started yanking book after book off the shelf until one activated the mechanism to open the door. She kicked the pile at her feet aside and stomped down the steps. The moment her feet touched the bottom step, she was met with Elsa’s blade at her throat.

The bowel hunter was wearing only a satin nightgown, but she was still no less formidable. When she recognized the amethyst eyed man, she retracted her blade in confusion. 

“Pollux? What are you…?”

Capella smirked and took her most well-known form, that of her more modestly black dressed 15-year-old self. It was an outfit Subaru helped design for her in order to showcase their progress together in facing their trauma, but only they were aware of that stipulation. To the rest of the world, she merely got tired of her old outfit. 

Elsa’s eyes widened and she took a respectful step back. 

“Mistress, my apologies. I had no idea you were here.”

Even after death, it seemed the stoic, calm Elsa remained for the most part. 

“Oh, Elsa~, you should know your kind, loving Mama is always watching over her children.” Capella said with a cruel smile as she brushed past the assassin. “Now tell me where our sweet, loyal Nana is.”

The bowel hunter suppressed a cold shiver. Turning her body, she gestured to the next door down. It felt like a betrayal, but there was no point in putting her life on the line when it came to their Mistress. 

As that smile grew into a sadistic grin, Capella walked up to the door and found it locked. Oh no, that wouldn’t do! Arms bulging with new, powerful muscles, Capella broke the lock on the door and shoved it open. 

An invisible force slammed into her, but Capella had been anticipating that reaction. Dodging to the left of the doorway and taking the form of a man-sized dragon, she avoided the attack and charged into the room. 

Meanwhile, Elsa had gone up the stairs to clean up the mess that her Mistress had made trying to get into their secret hideout. It didn’t take long before the muffled screams began, so Elsa hurried to finish the job and quickly go back downstairs.

As the secret door relatched and sealed the terrible deeds within its depths, somewhere upstairs a little Castor shivered from the cold and sneezed. 

The flutter of his eyes hadn’t been her imagination, not completely. No, there was awareness there, but it hadn’t been a consciousness known. As Subaru’s eyes opened lazily, it would be easy to assume the young man was still asleep but lost in a dream world.

If only such a nightmare could be called a dream.

Memories flowed across his unconscious mind like the overflow of a dam. The barely perceived Capella triggered a dormant memory, one that she would remember only from her own perceptions. To Subaru, or at least what was left of him, a surreal sort of understanding came. One born of self-acknowledgement.

The kind that only came from a parasite.

A blonde-haired woman smiled mischievously at Subaru. Her frame was small, barely only five feet tall as her crimson-red eyes melted under the fierce gaze of her husband’s abyssal irises. 

“Husband~.” Her delicate fingers glided across the man’s chest, guiding him to the bedroom behind him. Each awkward step was full of both anticipation and desire for what was to come. 

Here we go again… Subaru’s face masked his annoyed thoughts with a perfect smile, one he had cultivated over the time spent with the Archbishop of Lust, his wife, and the “mother” of his children, Capella Emerada Lugunica. 

At the command of the soft clicking of the door, the woman blushed. Her plump lips curved upwards as she looked up at him mischievously. She had him trapped—finally, a place where he couldn’t escape. 

“Our children aren’t here, Husband~. What do you say~?” Her voice was sweet. If it weren’t for her even sweeter and mildly intoxicating scent, Subaru would never have allowed her to push him into this musk-smelling room. 

“I don’t think…” He reached for her arm, grasping it gently as he attempted to push her away. No matter how many loops he went through it, he never liked what was going to come next if this continued. 

“Honey,” his voice was calm, gentle, and loving. Something that took immense practice and concentration, and was refined over the hundreds, if not, thousands of years of life. It was perfectly crafted for her. 

He had never put this much effort into any relationship before, and that both scared and impressed him.

“We can’t… do this now—you know that…” Gentle, remember? But also need to take her serious considering her past of being looked down on—  

The slight shivering of the woman’s silky pink nightgown emphasized his point and, more importantly, his miscalculation. Crap, too harsh. 

“I’m sorry, I’m stupid, honey.” He brought his hands to her cheek as if he was attempting to hold the most fragile piece of glass in the world. A natural self-depreciative tactic. 

Careful, Subaru. Need to make sure she doesn’t flip her lid here, would be annoying if she straight up killed me now. 

“I just—I don’t know… Things have been so harsh—” Make sure to soften your eyes here . “—I want…” Pretend like you’re holding back, scared not to damage her. “I… just… I don’t know. I love you, honey.” 

Capella watched as her husband stuttered and shifted in place. 

She watched him force his lips shut as if he was holding back from trying to spill his desires onto her, afraid he’d break her. 

She watched his deep, black eyes soften as if he was guilty of inconceivable sins that she could not fathom. 

She felt his fingers curl around her arm, quivering on her skin as if he wasn’t even allowed to touch her like he wanted. 

He was hurt. Weak. Meek. 

“Oh, Subaru…” The act made Capella’s crafted heart naturally race, her cheeks and ears blushing as her eyes heated up, almost forcing tears out of her fake face. 

This man. This man was different. He didn’t look at her like she was useless, nor did he look at her like her only worth was her body. No. Capella was convinced that Subaru looked at her with true love, one that was considered non-existent, impossible, and inconceivable by her experience, past, and trauma. 

Her lips opened; her words, lost on her wet, pink tongue. 

Before she could answer, Subaru pulled her into a firm embrace. His arms lowered around her waist as he forced himself to melt into her. Their skins connected; a strange authority flowing between the two, boosting Capella’s love for the man. 

“Honey, I love you.” His words felt as fake as they were a weak attempt to comfort him; a reminder of how he needed to act. If he messed up here, if he gave up, if he didn’t follow his ambitions… Then, who would he be? 

Nobody, that’s who. 

I can’t… I don’t have a heart to give anymore. It’s why I have to complete my Ordeal.

“Everything you are.” So, he pushed himself. 

“Everything that belongs to you.” Towards the future that he wished. 

“Everything that encapsulates you as you.” Even if he broke down hundreds and hundreds and many more hundreds of times. 

“I love.” He would do it. 

His tongue juggled calculation after calculation; all hidden behind a fine, white mask that— when looked at—prompted Capella to shiver in ecstasy. She remembered her countless interactions with the council of elders when she was younger, their methods of pushing her away, giving their love and attention to those with lower and lower value than her own. It was gross. Disgusting. Unsightly. 

Yet, this man here was anything if not the opposite. He made her heart warm, making her think back to when she was much younger; a time where she would be known as the reincarnation of the Lion King… 

Subaru’s loving smile hid a more sinister, more ambitious expression. 

The small flame of pride over his skills to control the Archbishop was quickly washed away with memories of each of his failures. This wasn’t something he should be proud of. In fact, he firmly believed anybody in his position could do it better, accomplish his goals better, be a better version of him. In another life, he could see the old him having a heart for this deplorable woman beyond the fragments he weaved into his manipulations…

He swallowed, his self-hatred quickly drying away, leaving only a cold steam of ambition clouding his every vein. 

“It’s not about how much you do or how you good you are—it doesn’t have to be anything. It’s…” A fake chuckle: a ploy to make his words seem obvious to her. 

“It’s just you.” 

Her breath hitched as she kept listening. The sounds of his voice attacked the darkness within her heart, cleansing her as that very evil escaped through each of her pores. 

“You don’t need to prove yourself. As long as you are you—as long as you are Capella Emerada Lugunica.” 

She looked up to him as her legs rubbed against his knees. How can she be worthy of such words? Such proclamations? She bit her lips as she waited for his words—the words she believed only once in her life. 

“I will love you.” He squeezed her tighter. “I love Capella Emerada Lugunica, nothing more, nothing less.” 

The blonde trembled in the arms of the man that truly loved her. Her heart raced. Her breath stopped. Her mind raced. When was the last time she had felt this? This… love? 

Flashes of a man with red hair and blue eyes, his gaze gentle and caring onto the young Emerada. A woman, who holds no worth aside from her looks, just as her mother said, was being looked at with such… With such… 

“…Am I…?” she muttered silently. Before Subaru could respond, Capella slowly glided her hands upwards against her husband’s chest. Her husband was a broken man, one haunted and tormented in ways that she felt that only she could understand. She knew love, especially the kind that he gave her, was not an easy thing for either of them. 

It’s why she couldn’t let him go- because he tried to give her all the love that he could, even if she could see how much it hurt and frightened him, he somehow always gave her what she needed from him most.

Capella loved him for that broken heart, one she knew deep down craved love in turn beneath the hurt.

She was terrified of being rejected, of being treated like an object prized only for her beauty; that’s how her Mama raised her, and it’s how she had been treated all her life. No one understood her or even tried. She couldn’t handle it if Subaru ever did the same to her. Not at all. As she shakily exposed just a bit of her vulnerability and kissed his lips, Capella was reminded of how he was saving her every day.

He truly loves me, doesn’t he? 

Her arms wrapped around his neck as her thin nightgown pressed against him. They could feel each other’s heartbeat. The melody of both of their broken souls allowed her to melt in his embrace. Literally melt. 

“Woah—” Subaru tried to hang on to the woman as she started melting into a slimy monster, one reminiscent of her Authority of Lust. Her slimy flesh was mixed with purple and red blood vessels, the sheer weight of her growing body pulling Subaru to the floor, making the duo crash with a loud thud. 

His hands, which were once around her waist, were now trapped under the slimy, disgusting substance that was once his wife. His mind didn’t race nor did his heart slam against his rib cage. No, he was calm. 

This is going to be annoying. Let me guess, is the—yup . As Subaru remembered Capella’s patterns in his former lives, her deformed mouth opened on her unrecognizable face, only to reveal a long, slithering tongue slowly making its way to Subaru’s thin lips. 

Disgusting.  

Capella squealed—or at least tried to, the noise only coming out as some monstrous screech of horror. Her long, slimy, pink tongue licked his shut, quivering mouth as it tried to force entry through the teasing beige barricade. Her form spread across the marble tiles of the room, small cracks of marble snapping at Subaru’s ears as she invaded the flooring below him. 

Alright, he sighed. Let’s do this. 

He opened his mouth. 

Her tongue pierced through his lips, quickly scraping his mouth in disgusting fervor as his own tongue licked the tip of her own clean. He leaned forward as he fought back the urge to vomit, reminding himself why he was even playing with her. 

I need her. She’s my most prized asset. He took another deep breath in his tongue as he tried tuning out the gross, hot slime wrapping around his entire body, pushing him down towards her. This crazy bitch has been so useful… even if I’ve had to redo this already. 

Her half-liquid half-solid body was now unrecognizable from her previous 15-year-old-like appearance. No hair, no eyes, no limbs, nothing. Just a pure slime of horror, terror, and love, it’s octopus-like tendrils caressing Subaru with greed, never letting him go. 

The black-haired man gagged. 

Thankfully, my Coeur Sirenum is working, else she might’ve killed me cause of that reaction. As terrified of him breaking her heart as she was, he still needed to tread carefully.

Each touch with her lover made Capella feel more and more love, something she never thought she could ever feel again, prompting her to reach… further, wanting to feel even more. 

Their lips disconnected instantly. 

“Stop.” His voice was firm, commanding, halting her approach to his groin, a place he hated her touching. 

At his authority, Capella seized all movements. Her tongue, full of slime and saliva, hung in the air, quivering. He was non-negotiable. Under him, she was merely a trained dog, maybe a ruthless, disgusting one, but a dog, nonetheless. 

Her subservient attitude made Subaru slightly shiver in pleasure. Ahhh, I really cultivated her well, huh. A trained asset, one who he had completely control over. This was Capella. And the best part? 

She genuinely thought he loved her. 

While he couldn’t deny that he found her attractive physically, he had to remind himself of the reason he was doing this, why he was using this most dangerous woman.

Despite himself, he felt his heart clench beneath his mask and the twisted desires that came so naturally to him now. Subaru stomped down these sickening feelings and buried them as much as he could. I can’t afford such a weakness now…

He smiled, his eyes becoming the same gentleness she loved. The same one that reminded her of that Astrea from long ago. “Tonight, it’s my turn.” Subaru scratched his cheek as he feigned embarrassment. 

“Though, it’s going to be harder in your…” He closed his eyes. He knew if he had them open, he would have looked her up and down, causing her to feel judged. This would make her more insecure about her body, possibly leading to his chains weakening or even his death. 

So, he closed his eyes as he adorned his perfect smile. “…current form.” 

As he said those words, Capella’s vocal cords, tongue, and mouth manifested. “Actually, Husband…” Her slime body slightly quivered, overlapping over itself as if she was embarrassed to continue her next words. 

“I wanted um…” She bit her lips, only to open them once more. However, unfortunately, no words came out. It was like something was pulling down her cries of help towards the only person that could help her. “Um to, um…” 

Subaru was patient. He was understanding. He was loving. 

He was everything that she wanted—needed from her husband. He was truly perfect. 

Soon, her slime body wriggled, but instead of just shivering disgustingly, it took form. 

Oh? His eyebrows raised at the unexpected development. 

The woman had long, blonde hair. The same type of lustrous hair you would see from true royalty. Her skin was smooth, free of any imperfections, perfectly adorning her beautiful crimson-red eyes, their irises glinting with fear and anticipation as they stared innocently at Subaru. 

However, what surprised Subaru wasn’t her face but rather two mounds on her chest. This really is a new development, what the hell… 

Capella seemed more mature. Subaru was sure that this would be exactly what she looked like in her twenties. Although her chest was not enormously large, they were enough to catch the fancy of any lecherous man— that is to say— any man in Lugunica. 

Her sharp canines added to a type of feral charm to her divine beauty, causing Subaru to stare at her with wide eyes. 

So, this is what you were insecure about… Shit! 

Before Capella could even open her mouth, Subaru dashed forward, locking her into a loving kiss. If this is her insecurity—the same one she kills me over—then I need to quickly reassure her. 

He brushed his hand against her smooth cheek as his tongue enveloped her own. Calm down though. Don’t go too aggressive. 

He pulled back as he whispered into Capella’s ear, his sweet one laced with small bits of desperation and ambition, “You’re perfect, Capella. I love you.” 

Capella wrapped her arms around her husband once more. “…For tonight, I’m not Capella.” 

“Hm?” 

“Tonight, I am Emerada. Just Emerada.” 

Subaru pulled back as he looked at the blonde princess below him. Her now light-red, silky night gown perfectly encapsulated each of her curves. She was a true beauty. If it hadn't been for his deep hatred for the Cult and for her, he wondered what would have happened if he met her instead of Emilia. 

Crap, don’t think of other women. He looked down, examining the increasingly embarrassed Emerada. Phew. Okay, good.  

She was beautiful, truly beautiful, something he knew deep down he couldn’t fully appreciate. Those ugly, disgusting feelings bubbled back up before he choked them back down. Were they a product of Coeur Sirenum, or were they his own? He wanted to blame his Authority’s downside, but he…

How pathetic can you be, Subaru…?

“Alright, Emerada.” His fingers traced her curves before gently picking her up like the princess she once was. She was light, her long legs hanging as she rubbed her toes with each other. She leaned her face against his chest. Each breath she took intoxicated her with more and more Subaru, causing her head to spin inside her newly formed skull. 

Her husband's gaze flickered below where she once was, the cracked marble almost forcing a sigh out of him. I’ll have to fix that… 

His feet carried him next to the large, white bed. One made purely for the couple’s enjoyment. Its soft white sheets were perfect, free of any impurities, just as Subaru planned them. The frame was hidden behind the draping sheets, masking the framework in a thin white mask. 

Subaru slowly carried Emerada’s body down onto the bed. Her figure was barely illuminated by the rhythmic dancing of candlelight on the desk table across from the duo, allowing for their dark shadows to deepen on the white, silky canvas below them.

As the memory faded into Subaru’s sensual manipulations of one broken soul, the hollow consciousness within him could only pity the creature known to the world as Capella. It was true he had taken care of her as a man would his beloved wife that night, and many nights before and after, but he felt nothing towards his own flesh.

He hadn’t stirred nor fully awakened into a state that would be responsive until after Frederica came and went, her touch calming the disturbing jumble that was his mind. Her kiss to his cheek is what finally broke his stasis. When she went to leave, he tried to call out to her, but she must not have heard him. It wasn’t something he could not hold against her, not in this state. Such judgments were beyond him now.

As he finally managed to sit up in bed like a vampire bent at the waist, Subaru’s head swiveled to take in the sight of the bedroom door opening softly once more. 

A little blonde girl poked her head in nervously as she rubbed the sleep from one of her eyes. When she noticed he was up, however, she seemed to jump to alertness immediately. Without shutting the door behind her, the child ran over to him and flung herself on to the bed to embrace him. 

If his face hadn’t been in shadows from the moonlight at his back, the girl would have seen the dead, empty eyes of a man thought lost.

Her little arms encircled his neck, and she cried with relief. The weight of her rocked Subaru’s weakened body, but he didn’t fall into the bed. It was enough to breathe some life back into him.

Reaching up with shaking arms, he hugged the girl close and nearly crushed her body against his. 

“P-Papa, can’t b-breathe!” Carina complained past her tears.

He eased his grip, but he didn’t let her go. Not now after everything that happened to him. It had been several lifetimes since he’d seen his precious daughter. 

So lost in the reunion, he hadn’t heard another presence enter the room and hurry to his side.

“S-Subaru? You’re awake?” Maia asked softly but stopped in her advance when he raised his head to look up at her silently. 

With his head turned, this time the left half of his face was illuminated by the pure moonlight. It was Maia who saw his eyes now and the teen softly gasped. 

She hadn’t seen that exact look in so, so long. It was enough to make her knees grow weak and her already red-rimmed eyes to shed new tears.

“… B-Baba…?” Maia Natsuki asked nervously, terrified that she was wrong once again. 

Instead of answering her, Subaru reached for her with a free arm and pulled her onto the bed with him and Carina. He embraced Maia and Carina lovingly and held them close as a parent would their children. Both girls, regardless of their age and maturity, wept openly for their reunion with their father. Such things were not a matter of these irrelevant factors, for love and pain didn’t care about simple-minded labels.

The three of them stuck to each other like their very lives depended on it. Neither of the girls knew it, but a single tear welled up in those bored, empty eyes and rolled down Subaru’s cheek. He couldn’t show it, but he was happy to be with them again, even for a moment. 

His consciousness began to fade, the dream receding once again, and so Subaru’s body slumped and would have fallen had the girls not caught him and eased him down into the comfort of his pillows. Thankfully, they assumed he had just fallen asleep again. It had been such a long and taxing day for the monster known as Subaru Natsuki, more than they could ever understand. 

His daughters cuddled against his chest as they let their father rest once more. They found comfort in being close to him for he could chase away their nightmares. It was the implicit trust a loved child always held in their heart when they thought about their parents. 

As Subaru slipped into the abyss of memories and madness once again, at the same time across the city Nana found her nightmare to be a waking one. Neither twin, Natsumi nor Subaru, would wake up feeling rested or refreshed. Just as their bond was forged with death, so too was it tempered with the pain of their shared existence. 

Such was their fate, even beyond the concepts of time and space.

Chapter Text

It was a patchwork of thoughts and feelings, a drug whose effects were fleeting. This patchwork contained pieces sewn together with threads of love, pain, sacrifice, and emptiness. The result was a tattered tapestry, stained and incomplete, barely able to retain its shape. 

He needed to keep patching it together...

“... I am Emera...”

That is what she said, isn’t it? Everything was so fuzzy, so... Confusing. He could picture that blonde woman as he carried her to bed. She had uttered those words to him. They had meant something important, something special meant only for his ears. It had been her name, her real name.

The name of his wife.

He could remember more than just ‘Emera’. Her vulnerability, her love for him, and even the intimacy they shared were known to him now. They came to him in bits and pieces, fractured and incomplete, but present, nonetheless. There was more...

Coeur Sirenum.

Even though he couldn’t recall the language, he knew it translated into ‘The Heart of the Siren’.

What did that even mean? Something didn’t feel right.

Patching together, patching together, continuing to form its shape.

As he patched together the pieces of the memories, the answer didn’t come with it. 

He remembered the blonde woman from his memories pressing into him, kissing him, and whispering words of love and warning into his heart. It had felt like ecstasy, yet his mind recoiled at her touch. They... No, he...

He was using her. 

Why? What would be the purpose? He felt pity for this woman who loved such a disgusting nobody like him. Feeling her love through the fragments made his heart ache for her. It felt like a concept just out of reach, like words on the tip of his tongue that he couldn’t speak, or a secret that weighed heavily on his mind and being unable to share. 

Patching together, patching together, continuing to mould its shape.

That wasn’t the only secret he was keeping, he remembered. 

“I love you, Big Brother.”

A sister, a twin no less, was out there and had escaped his wrath. She hurt him and the people he cared about multiple times, even killing them on several occasions. He could remember the deaths and the pain that came with them.

He could see Rem and Ram broken, Emilia gutted, and Lesath crushed. 

The loops, and the final battle, came back to him without any missing fragments, up until the moment he lost control. 

The maelstrom had brought with it another flurry of emotions, visions, and voices- each disjointed and holding different meaning. The pieces of the mosaic are there, he just needed to… make sense of it all. He had to if he was going to rediscover the monster within. A monster he wanted to stay buried; a piece to be discarded and silenced.

Did he truly need that part to be whole again? Or was it truly the poison that was killing him?

Patching together, patching together, continuing to fill in its colors-

Something heavy and warm shifted on his chest, sparking bodily awareness and pulling his mind to the present. It felt like his consciousness was crawling out of a pit of tar to resettle behind his eyes. His limbs felt weak, heavy, and only partially because of the two bodies that clung to his own. As he tried to shift, it further stirred the others.

Wait, others?

“Baba? Are you awake?” A girl’s sleepy voice asked from his left shoulder. 

Baba? I’m Subaru… or did she say ‘Papa’ and I misheard?

He didn’t know, but as he forced his eyes open, he tilted his head to look down at the girl resting against him. Reddish-pink eyes stared up at him with child-like innocence and hope, albeit half-lidded from what must have been a dead sleep. He recognized the teen girl instantly.

Maia. 

Normally, waking up in bed with a strange girl- a minor no less - would have scared him to death. Whether it was the fact he had died multiple times in one night or the fact that they had such a resemblance, it didn’t feel terribly weird. Why did this not feel like… well, something awful?

“How are you feeling, Baba? Anything hurt?” Maia asked as she wiped her eyes. 

“N-No, I’m good, but… what are you doing in here?”

She sat up with a start and looked down at him in disbelief, suddenly wide awake.

“W-Wait, you don’t remember Carina and me coming in here? You don’t remember…?” The teen asked, completely shocked. 

You don’t remember being ‘Baba’? Maia thought.

Subaru frowned as he tried his best, but the maelstrom all the way to now was a jumbled mess. Looking down, he saw that Carina was sleeping peacefully curled up on his chest. It felt like an ice pick through the heart seeing her again after everything that happened. Reaching up with limp arms, he hugged the little blonde close and pressed his chin to the top of her head. He doesn’t remember Maia and Carina cuddling him at all.

“I’m sorry, Maia, but… I don’t remember.”

To say the teen looked devastated would be an understatement. It looked like she had walked into a dream come true, only for it to be a pathetic sham instead. When she began to tear up and hang her head, Subaru began to panic.

“W-Whoa, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to upset you or anything like that!” He tried to push himself up, but the effort was hard. It wasn’t that he physically couldn’t, his body felt fine, but he just felt exhausted. 

Carina stirred as he sat up. The little blonde blinked away the sleep and grinned when she saw her Papa awake and alive. She threw herself against his side in a big hug.

Subaru was reaching for Maia when Carina tackled him. He lost his balance and went headfirst off the bed on to the floor with a heavy series of thumps, one being his head and the other his back. Somehow his legs became twisted in the sheets and kept them upwards towards the bed, meaning he was upside down with a child on top of him.

“Ow, hey! Carina!” Subaru complained as he did his best to keep the girl from hitting the floor by using his own body as a cushion. 

“Papa! Papa! You’re okay!” Carina cried as she violently nuzzled his chest and squirmed with glee. 

“Maia, hey, I’m sorry! Everything is kind of a mess in my head right now.” Subaru said from his place on the floor. 

The teen girl was looking away from him in frustration as she reigned in her emotions. Did he royally mess up or something?

He just then noticed the room around him.

“I don’t recognize this ceiling,” Subaru muttered to himself, then turned back to Maia. “Where are we?”

“The Karsten Manor, within the Capital.” Maia answered without looking at him. “The Duchess made her home into a field hospital, which is why you’re here.”

At least she was speaking to him…

Then came the obvious concern. 

“Wait, does that mean my friends are here, too? Are they okay?”

“They’re here and being treated,” Maia confirmed. “I’m sure it’ll be a while before they are walking around, so chill out.”

Subaru breathed a sigh of relief. They’re okay…

“So… what do you remember?” Maia asked, returning her gaze to her idiot father.

He went quiet as the events of last night replayed over and over in his head, meshed with the chaotic bits at the end. Throughout the maelstrom, he could remember Carina and someone else reaching him. He could remember their inner stars shining bright and dragging him back from madness. 

Then there was the feeling of someone laying atop him along with the words they had spoken. It had felt like a dream within a dream, a memory flitting past all the others. A star that pressed her lips to his as he lay there in stasis.

“I really love you, my perfect Subaru. Your beautiful Cappie is going to miss you.”

… Cappie…? Wasn’t her name Emera? Was that a nickname or something?

Then of course…

“Things get dicey after the fight with Nana. Between then and now, it’s not making much sense…” Subaru explained as the guilt and shame of his actions returned to the forefront of his mind. 

Maia noticed the shift in his tone and mood but said nothing about it because it matched her own. Even Carina was sitting up and looking down at Subaru with open concern. It was obvious he was struggling, but neither knew what to say or do.

Until Subaru broke down that wall.

“Maia… who am I?” He asked tentatively. 

Maia and Carina frowned at his question and shared a look. It broke their hearts to see him so upset. Subaru gently moved Carina aside so that he could get untangled from the covers and sit on the bed once again. His blonde daughter sat beside him, not on his lap, to give him a bit of breathing room.

This conversation wasn’t going to be easy. 

“First, I need to understand...” Maia looked to Carina and chose her wording carefully. “What did you mean when you said ‘loops’?” Maia asked, catching Carina’s shocked expression.

Subaru paled and felt his stomach drop as he recalled having used similar wording when trying to convince Maia to go with him. 

“I-I, uh… When I convinced you to help me, it hadn’t been the first time we’d met that night.” He explained hesitantly, unsure of how to proceed with Carina in the room. 

“Papa? You ‘looped’?” Carina asked as she clung to him with worried, wide eyes. “Was… it the nightmares?”

He just stared at Carina despondently. The images of carrying a gorgeous crimson eyed beauty to bed came to mind. Had that been his wife before she had become pregnant with Carina? Minus the eyes, those two looked so similar…

“I guess… you could say that.” He answered.

“How did Nana hurt you?” Maia asked, reaching out but pulling back to rest her hands in her lap.

Carina’s eyes were like saucers as she screamed in outrage. “Auntie hurt Papa?! Why?! How?!”

It felt like a wave of clarity crashing into him.

She knew about Nana... Of course she did...

Subaru hung his head as the loneliness returned. How the hell could he explain something like this, especially with Carina here? Damn it, he wished Maia had kept her mouth shut. He didn’t want to give Carina nightmares.

“Papa? Papa, what’s going on? I’m scared...” Carina whimpered into his now damp sleeve. She had begun to cry and use him to dry her tears. 

There was so much he wanted to say, so much he needed to apologize for. Seeing Carina so upset broke his heart, which felt selfish and rotten. He didn’t deserve to feel terrible for her pain when he was the source of it and willingly would have hurt her himself. By every account, he was a piece of shit parent.

Still, that piece of shit pulled Carina into his lap and held her tightly. She was so scared and confused now, it was enough that he felt it press against his own mind. He wanted to scold Maia for her blunt question, but he knew it was weighing heavy on her heart as well. In response to their turmoil, his own inner storm churned.

What was he supposed to do now?

Subaru closed his eyes, but no tears would come. He felt so hollow yet restless, like a person lost on tumultuous seas.

“Maia, I don’t-”

“No way are you avoiding this!” Maia snapped as she grabbed his arm and made him look at her once again. “My contract with Nana broke because you said that she hurt you and was going to do the same to Lesath! You owe me this, Subaru!”

His breath hitched. Her eyes were fierce and pinned him down like needles in a science specimen. 

Scary...

He remained silent for a few moments and collected himself. It was true that he was a coward, but there was nowhere left to hide now. He told the truth to that group on the roof, to Lesath, to Rem. They all heard his torment, his eternal ticket to a living hell. 

So, he braced himself and told the truth. 

“I... I have an ability. It sounds crazy, but it allows me to go back in time... If I die.”

The reaction was immediate. 

Carina and Maia’s eyes widened to impossible sizes, their pupils shrinking to alarming pinpricks as the panic and disbelief set in. 

“What...? What do you m-mean...?” Maia asked, her hands trembling at her sides as she gripped the sheets tightly. 

Subaru continued on in an attempt to rip off the bandage.

“I relived tonight five times because... Nana killed me four times in a row. I kept... I kept looping back to a point where I was sitting beside Lesath every time.” Subaru’s voice broke and the pain of each and every death replayed in his mind beside every failure. 

That’s right. He had failed Lesath so many times...

“She tried... She tried to save me, but... But I always...”

It was painful to see the horror on Maia’s face, but nothing prepared him for Carina’s innocent denial. She tugged on his robe and stared up at him with soul-searching eyes, as if trying to pry a truth from him with will alone. 

“P-Papa, that’s not funny!” The child clung to him as her panic built up with every passing moment. “Don’t say terrible lies like that, you always told me that lying to your family is bad! You’re not dead, you can’t be dead- you’re right here! You’re right here!”

Subaru gently patted the girl’s head because he couldn’t give her a verbal response. The pain was too real, too visceral. Her heartbreak in turn shattered his, only made worse because he knew that it was his fault. Once again, he only proved how weak and terrible his really was. 

But Carina wouldn’t accept that. 

Her response was to throw herself at Subaru again and literally pat his chest, arms, and face as she wailed and hyperventilated. Carina’s cries were hysterical and her eyes darted over his body frantically. She couldn’t understand why her Papa was saying such awful things. Why was he hurting her like this? 

Her heart was breaking before his very eyes.

“Papaaaa! Papa, you can’t have died! You can’t!”

It was too much. Papa had to be lying.

Papa had to be lying!

What had she done wrong? Little Carina couldn’t understand how this could be possible; let alone why her father would have been killed by his own sister. This had to be her fault, just like with Papa’s first wife! Just like with Mama Freddie! She wracked her brain trying to understand what she had done to deserve him lying to her like this, but nothing made sense. Had she not been a good daughter?

Had she not loved him enough? 

When had she failed her Papa? How?

No, no, no, no, no!

“ My Papa would never die! You would never leave me alone! ” Carina screamed up at his face as she shook him with her tiny hands curled up in his robe. Tears and snot streamed down her face freely, itself a twisted visage of horror and sorrow. “This- What did Carina do wrong?! What did she do, Papa, please? Please tell me!”

Subaru’s left arm curled around the inconsolable girl and held her against his chest. His lips trembled and curved downward as he struggled against his own tears at the sight and hearing the pain, the utter betrayal in her voice. He tried to reason with her, to get through the storm she was being tossed through.

“Carina, shhh... Papa is here, okay?” Subaru cooed as he stroked her little blonde head. 

She was lost inside her own mind, numb to the world. What had she done? It had to be something she did. It had to be. She was a bad daughter. Bad people get punished!

Ungrateful! Mean! Ugly!

Unworthy!

“Is it because I didn’t try to find you when you disappeared?! Was it because I ate all my candy instead of dinner?!” She was shrieking now. When would Papa just laugh and tell her he was kidding? Why wasn’t he telling her this was just one of his sick jokes? “Do you not like the socks Carina picked out?! Papa, w-what did I-?!”

“Carina-” 

“I-I’m sorry I s-stayed up late! Papa!”

“Carina, stop, this-!”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t more help with Nana! I-!”

“Carina!” Subaru shouted and gently pushed the little girl back enough to look at her straight in the eyes. 

She was still weeping loudly and reaching for the comfort of his heartbeat in her ear, but she didn’t say another word as she held Subaru’s tearful gaze. Both of them were messes at this point, nearly mirror images of each other’s ugly crying faces. Subaru was reminded of how much Carina meant to him before he spoke with a firm, and clear voice. 

“You did nothing wrong, Carina. This isn’t your fault. It was never your fault, so don’t you ever blame yourself for this. Do you hear me, Carina? Don’t ever blame yourself for anything that happens to me because there was nothing you could have done.”

Carina blubbered out protests, but they were too garbled for Subaru to understand. 

As Carina continued on, Maia reached over and wrapped her arms around his neck as she could no longer contain her tears. She tried to be strong, just like her Papa had been for so long, but was this the cost of his strength? Was the reason Papa’s eyes always looked so empty, so hollow, and eventually so full of malice because of this terrible ability? 

“Why... Why didn’t you tell us?” Maia whimpered against his neck, her arms tightening around him. “We could have helped you! We could have done something !”

Subaru closed his eyes. Somehow he knew, despite being the scum of the earth and a monster on top of it all, the reasoning came to him instantly. It came with the his first vision of a burning village and a dead child, with Lesath’s account of being saved by a stanger, and his recollection of carrying a shivering Carina in a frozen world.

“I... Think I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t your burden to bear. It was mine, and if I told you... Then it’d only hurt you even more when I failed.”

While Maia didn’t like this logic, she could understand it. Of course her Baba, the man who took on the world with a grim expression, had only wanted to protect them. That was so like him it made her sick. 

They didn’t want to accept the truth, but Subaru didn’t push away either girl clinging to him and weeping their hearts out.

He held them tightly because he needed to be strong for these two, especially his little Carina. He couldn’t be weak now, not in front of them. 

After tonight, he vowed he would never make them cry ever again. 

“Papa! Papaaa!” Carina wailed into his chest beside her older sister. The little girl was practically clawing at his clothes in an effort to get as close to her father as possible in an effort to soothe the pain. It wasn’t fair! It wasn’t fair! “I’m sorry! I’m sorry I wasn’t there to save you!”

Subaru’s heart lurched at her proclamation, but he couldn’t be happier than Carina hadn’t been there. What could a little girl have done? If Nana was willing to kill him, then she would have been willing to kill Carina.

Just the thought was enough to make him sick.

Hell wasn’t meant for children.

Maia’s pride was gone as she cried beside Carina and extended her hug to encompass the youngest Natsuki child in a firm hold. Her father had just disclosed a hell she had no idea could exist, one that shook her to the core. If it was true, then so many things made sense. As her tears fell, she couldn’t stop the questions that came to her mind. 

Why? Why couldn’t Baba save her Mama?

She wanted to be angry. To deny his words, to call him insane, but then she remembered how he had wept over her Mama’s grave. That hadn’t been the actions of a man who had chosen to accept her fate, but someone who had been wronged by said fate. 

It was enough to steel her resolve as she squeezed him tightly. 

I will never let anyone hurt you or Mama ever again, even if it kills me.

After a while, everyone was able to get a grip long enough to continue the conversation. It took a lot of love, and while Carina refused to be any farther from Subaru than pressed against him, they had things to discuss. Maia sat beside him and held his hand as he cuddled with Carina in his lap. 

All of them were more exhausted than ever before, if that was possible.

Miserable and feeling cooped up once again, Subaru made a slothful decision, one that would cause more problems than not.

I need some air...

Her thoughts were adrift an ocean composed of confusion and oblivion. On the surface, she was still trying to make sense of everything that had happened, but it was easy to let herself sink below the surface into the abyss. Maybe at one time, she would have welcomed that cold certainty.

That time was gone. She refused to let him go again.

So, she fought against the current and the fog that clung to her mind like a sticky residue and focused on any sensory input she could get. It came in the form of flickering blobs of light and the white noise of various voices coming from every direction. The moment she tried to lift even a finger the pain set fire to every nerve in her body. She was too weak to cry out or resist it, so she just focused on listening and opening her eyes. 

Her eyes were probably the only thing that didn’t hurt.

Opening them took some effort, but she was able to do it. She was staring up at the ceiling of a bedroom. Her body felt incredibly heavy, yet warm. Was she under a blanket?

Where was she?

I think… I recognize this ceiling…

She tried to turn her head an inch and her muscles screamed. The action, coupled with her whimper, was enough to attract the attention of someone near her. This person quickly blocked her line of sight and spared her some of the light that stung her eyes. 

The light haloed around her bright blonde hair to frame around her beautiful face. She smiled and Frederica noticed the glint of sharp teeth. At first, she thought there was a flash of red in the woman’s irises. 

It became apparent after a couple seconds of processing however that it was merely the reflection of the flickering candle on the opposite side of her. 

“Long time no see, Miss Rem.” A familiar voice said with some obvious relief. 

Rem’s blue eyes widened as she took in the sight of Frederica Baumann’s shark-toothed smile. 

“F-Fred…erica?” Rem mumbled weakly as the woman crouched down beside her. Was she on a bed? Where…?

Then her mind came to a startling connection. 

If Frederica was here, then that meant…

“R-Rem, please remain still and rest!” The beast maid fussed as the blue oni clenched her jaw and began pushing her screaming muscles to obey her efforts to get up. “You were severely injured-!”

“Shut up!” Rem growled lowly as her body pushed through the pain and the grinding of her joints to sit upright. “I-I have to-!”

The blue maid bit her lip, unsure of what to say in this situation. There was a chance Subaru was still out in the city without anyone knowing he had returned. The last thing she wanted was Roswaal, Frederica’s employer, to be anywhere near her beloved hero. 

She’d send him to hell first. 

Frederica put a gentle, yet firm hand on Rem’s shoulder. Just as the younger maid was about to swat the hand away, Frederica quickly whispered something that caught Rem’s attention.

“Subaru is safe, Rem.”

She froze as the creeping sensation of panic rose up in her throat. 

Frederica caught the reaction, so she quickly added, “Lord Roswaal has yet to return from exterminating the mabeasts within the city. As far as I know, he plans to return to the Mather’s townhouse rather than retire here for the remainder of the night.”

While that eased Rem’s worry, she still couldn’t ignore that Frederica knew where Subaru was. 

“W-Where is Subaru? Tell me, now!” 

The beast maid sighed in exasperation at Rem’s nearly hostile tone, but she brushed it off. Out of all of them, she expected this kind of behavior from Rem.

“Subaru is here within the Karsten Manor, though the last time I checked, he was still asleep. He’s already been seen by a healer, but you and the others still have a way to go.” Frederica said as she stepped aside, revealing that they weren’t alone in the room. 

There was a second bed across from Rem. In it was her twin, Ram, who was clearly unconscious still. A strange cocktail of guilt and distaste ran over Rem’s tongue at the sight of her here. She was just thankful that Ram wasn’t awake.

Whatever their relationship was now, it would have to wait.

“Take me to him. I need to see him!”

Seeing that Rem wouldn’t be placated until she saw the raven-haired young man safe and sound, Frederica had to squash just the tiniest bit of jealousy. Of course, she was far too professional to show such on her face, but that didn’t change the fact she felt these things. After all, in another life without Rem, it had been Frederica by his side as he struggled with his grief at losing Pollux and Maia’s mothers, and raising his children. 

That was neither here nor there, Frederica reminded herself. Now, she was just a maid again in service to Lord Roswaal while the spotlight was upon those who yet struggled in the web they unwittingly found themselves enshrouded in. It was sad, but she was powerless to stop what was to come. 

“Miss Rem, if it’ll give you peace of mind then I will take you to his room, but please, I beg you to let him rest.” Frederica said sternly, her hands on her hips. 

Rem exhaled a breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding in. Honestly, she expected this to have been a rather uphill battle, so the fact that Frederica acquiesced so quickly was a bit disarming. She cast another glance at Ram to be sure that her twin was still unmoving before she turned her body to begin climbing out of the rather soft, comfortable bed. 

When Frederica offered a hand to help Rem stand, the blue oni begrudgingly accepted the aid. She didn’t necessarily hate Frederica, despite still serving Roswaal even if she couldn’t understand how the beast maid could stomach it. It didn’t mean Rem was happy about seeing her again either, however. 

Bracing her weight against Frederica’s side, she placed her arm around the taller maid’s waist while Frederica did the same. The two then carefully made their way from the bedroom out into the hallway, where maid staff and healers scurried past them impatiently. Rem watched them go about their duties, a few sighing and casting somewhat irritated looks at having to walk around the pair. It was obvious they were in the way, but Rem found she didn’t care. Not when Subaru was so close yet so far. 

“Those mabeasts hurt a lot of people, though not everyone had injuries as significant as your and Ram’s. Most got by with scrapes and bruises as they fled, but some unlucky souls were hurt by those ravenous things.” Frederica explained as they walked. “The knights were stretched thin. Lady Crusch opened her home to be a hospital of sorts. Those with superficial injuries were sent to the front courtyard where tents and medic stations were set up. The worst, or those with more complicated injuries, were given rooms out of the cold to await treatment.”

Appreciating the distraction from the pain of movement, Rem listened to Frederica’s explanation and scanned the beast maid’s stained, ill-fitted outfit. It appeared she had been helping where needed, if the blood on her apron was indicative. Only now did Rem realize that she was no longer in her maid outfit, but she was actually in a comfortable set of guest sleep robes over a nightgown. Who had changed her? She hoped it hadn’t been a man…

Only Subaru can- Stop.

The blue maid chewed on her inner cheek as she reminded herself that these kinds of thoughts were premature. Subaru was still married, after all, right? Surely, if she befriended the woman who stole her Hero from her, then maybe she’d accept her as their maid.

If not, well, there were… other methods . 

“Miss Rem, I must ask though…” 

Momentarily distracted from the pain and with beads of sweat forming across her skin, Rem looked up at an uncomfortable Frederica who now sported a light dusting across her cheeks and couldn’t seem to meet the oni’s eyes. 

“D-Did you, uh… know that Subaru has…?”

Rem didn’t need Frederica to finish her thought before she understood what she was hinting at. The blue maid perked up, which spiked another wave of pain in her neck and shoulders as if that was possible. 

“L-Lady Carina! You mean she’s here? She’s safe?”

How could she have forgotten about Carina Natsuki? The little girl had been nowhere to be seen during the fight with Natsumi, and lost in her own mind and bloodlust, Rem hadn’t thought once as to her well-being. She suddenly felt sick to her stomach.

What would Subaru think if he knew I forgot about her…?

“She’s safe, yes. It appears she was brought here at the same time as Subaru. She was quite worried about her Papa.” Frederica said as her features smoothed out unconsciously. 

Rem noticed this and assumed it was just Frederica’s love of children coming through. 

“I’m so thankful that Lady Carina is safe. Is she with Subaru?” Rem asked.

“Yes, I believe she slipped into his room after the h-healer made him comfortable. His wounds were very dire and the poor girl was very worried.”

Rem accepted this answer and just focused on reaching him, unaware of the hesitancy in Frederica’s voice. 

It felt like an eternity before they reached the room where Subaru was staying. Apparently, Rem had been just one floor below him, but at least that meant she hadn’t had to climb several flights of stairs. Frederica reached out to quietly open the door and push it open. It took a few seconds for their eyes to adjust to the dark room, but when they looked to the bed and found it empty, their reaction was immediate.

“Subaru!” 

He could feel their eyes on him. Their whispers were mostly beyond his range, but he could catch snippets. The weight of their gazes pressed against his flesh and mind, but not through his sixth sense. No, he felt nothing from the strangers that gawked and did double takes as he passed. Of course, not all of them did, but the ones that did…

They always seemed to recognize him.

Two maids, both young pretty demi-human girls, were how he finally understood what was going on. They walked in a single file quickly, fresh linens and bandages in their arms, when the first one caught sight of him and stopped abruptly. Her partner behind her ran into her and complained, but the first one turned and shushed her. She explained her reasoning, and then they both turned to watch him pass. 

He heard what they said.

“H-Hey, it’s… is that the Lolimancer?!” The first maid asked. 

That’s when he pieced it together. These people, these strangers, had heard about him- or at least someone who looks like him. What kind of a name was the ‘Lolimancer’, though? If he was famous for something like that, it was no wonder he could feel so many stares burning into his back. 

I just want to disappear.

Subaru didn’t want to imagine how the old Subaru got that nickname, but thankfully, there were other titles thrown in. Maids, healers, even a few soldiers. Half the people he passed had something to say, but not to him. 

Only about him.

“T-That hair, those eyes…”

“The Hero of Priestella! He’s back?!”

“Whoa, I thought he was dead!”

“Who are those two with him?”

“Wasn’t that Emilia’s old knight?”

He hung his head.

I’m not a knight. I’m not a Hero.

I’m not even a good husband or father.

It was hard to say how he managed to wander this far throughout the Manor. His body felt fine, but his mind was a mess. After the resurgence of memories and the emotions they dredged up, he felt like death all over again. Carina and Maia had wanted him to rest, to just sleep and cuddle them until they all felt better, but he was far too restless. 

Subaru didn’t want to stay in one place right now, no matter how tired he was. 

He awoke an hour after they had come into his room, from what they described. How he got there eluded him. He could remember blonde hair and the warmth of bodies against him, but that was it. What plagued him more were the myriads of images and feelings that came just before he lost consciousness in the city. Maia and Carina assured him that Nana was gone, that everyone was safe now, but it hadn’t brought him any peace.

His sister was still out there. He had failed to bring her down. He failed to protect anyone.

With a chest feeling hollow within a body weighed down with melancholy, Subaru wished he never came back into the lives of these people caught in the fallout of his mess.

So, with Carina holding his hand and Maia close behind as he wandered the halls, he just let fate be his guide. In his mind he could feel a literal cluster of stars within this Manor, each one caring for him in their own way, so he knew he was safe at last. This new sixth sense felt alien yet familiar, as if he were removing a blindfold that he hadn’t realized was obscuring his vision, but it helped him navigate. 

It felt surreal, like walking through a galaxy that revolved all around him. 

Coeur Sirenium. That’s what I called it… when I…

He thought about his friends and loved ones, about the flashes of the crimson-eyed woman he called his wife, and finally he thought about how Lesath and the others must be fairing. Each of these women… he wanted to be close to them, to check on them and make sure they were okay. They didn’t deserve to go through any of this pain because of him. 

He wasn’t sure what to think about the images of his blonde wife. The memories didn’t leave him feeling particularly loving towards her, even if the actions he could remember were a facsimile of that. When he thought about Lesath, his heart didn’t ache for her other than with concern and care, but when he thought about Rem or Ram…

How disgustingly selfish can I be? 

Subaru hated that feeling because he didn’t deserve it, no matter how much he craved comfort right now. He had wept so much that he felt that he may never cry again. Even if he stayed in bed, he knew it was a matter of time before the others came and found him. 

As much as he wanted to embrace them and never let go, he needed more time to process the things he saw tonight. It was a jumbled mess of voices and scenes playing across his exhausted mind, too fast and confusing to keep up with. If he was going to face them and own up to his mistakes, he at least wanted to be of sound enough mind to accept their judgment with some amount of grace. 

Besides, they’d want answers to questions that he didn’t necessarily want to answer. Even if he told himself he was just preparing to face that, the truth was he was still hiding like the coward he was. That’s the truth, wasn’t it? He knew it, no matter how much he wanted to deny it; after all that talk of accepting what they have to say to him, he still…

I’m so pathetic.

Part of him wished that his wife was here. Maybe she could help him make sense of these memories and feelings that he couldn’t make sense of. Surely if she were anything like Carina and Maia, then she would be willing to help him. If nothing else and for no better reason than just needing someone who would support him implicitly, Subaru craved for the companionship his other half would surely provide. 

Maybe she’d come here looking for him and Carina. If she survived, she’d naturally be concerned for her husband and daughter in light of this night’s bloody siege, right?

He flexed his newly healed fingers and squeezed his daughter’s hand. She had been watching him the entire time with a pinched expression of concern. It had been a long day for everyone, but her main concern, as always, was him. 

Yet I was willing to walk away from her…

Wrestling with his own character, Subaru just kept walking wherever his feet took him. At some point, he found himself in a room with a balcony and a table in the center. A beautiful, emerald haired woman sat there at the table in a muted, but plush robe with a decanter, a bucket of ice, and a glass in her delicate grasp. Her attention was immediately drawn to him as he entered, as his was to her. 

The glass nearly slipped from her fingers. 

“S-Subaru? Subaru Natsuki, it really is…?” The woman’s stern eyes softened as she took in the sight of him and placed her glass of whiskey down before she dropped it. 

The sight of the emerald beauty sparked yet another memory, as her inner star shined dimly in his perceptions. It was obvious this woman saw him as a friend, or at least respected him, which would easily be explained by the memory. 

He was standing over her bed. She was beneath the covers, weak and in pain, her body covered in blackened skin and purple veins that pulsed like an independently living creature. Subaru could remember being horrified and empathetic towards her plight, and so when he reached for her and touched her skin, he hadn’t been prepared for the agony that wracked his body. 

When it was over, his arm was that same blackened mess while her own body seemed to have healed from the transference. 

Had that… been his powers? Had he used Coeur Sirenium to heal her, as he had Rem and Ram?

Looking at her now, Subaru wished that he had finished the job. With the memory came the name ‘Crusch Karsten’, someone who sparked a faint trace of affection from him in the past. He remembered caring for her, but not as strongly as he had… as he had…

His stormy eyes sharpening, Subaru ignored the memory and met Crusch’s eyes once again. 

If this was Crusch Karsten, then her knight was...

“Subaru Natsuki, I never expected to see you again.” The woman said as she made to stand under her own strength. She scrutinized his face, as if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. What was that about?

Carina squeezed his hand nervously, signaling how unsure she was about this woman approaching her Papa right now. Even Maia stepped around Subaru and made her presence known by standing behind his other shoulder. Both of them were prepared to put distance between this woman and Subaru if needed. 

Yet as Subaru watched her wince and force herself to stand past what must have been a large amount of pain, he couldn’t help but have a heart for her. She was walking towards him slowly, a conscious effort to not show any weakness. Through her inner warmth, that dim little star, he could see that this was an act meant to project strength.

“You were caught up in all this mess, I take it? Were you injured?” Crusch asked from a respectable distance, a bead of sweat rolling down her cheek from the effort. The woman took in the sight of the two girls with him, both of whom had the same eyes as he did, albeit with pink to red hues instead of black. She analyzed their appearances and kept her expression neutral. “Are these two young ladies’ friends of yours?”

While Maia was able to keep a rather schooled, almost bored expression, Carina puffed out her cheeks in irritation. 

“Subaru is my-!” Carina began but was cut off by Subaru’s next words. 

“This is my daughter, Carina Natsuki.” Subaru said as his tired eyes drifted down to the feisty little blonde who suddenly seemed tongue tied. He smiled at her in an effort to mask his own discomfort for the situation they found themselves in, but it felt as fake as everything else about him. Behind him, Maia’s emotions soured a bit, but he just didn’t know how to address their relationship yet, so he just went for a simple introduction. “The girl behind me is Maia Natsuki.”

Crusch’s eyes widened as she processed what he said. It was just a moment of true confusion mixed with skepticism, but it was there. She seemed to have a hard time finding the words she wanted to express, so instead she sighed and gestured back to the table where she was sitting. 

“Would you care to join me for a drink? I can pour you a glass of water, since you don’t care for alcohol.” 

Thinking about alcohol reminded him of the wine Lesath and he had drunk together. Swallowing past the lump that constricted his throat, Subaru scratched the back of his head and tried to give a half-smile of apology. “I’m sorry, Crusch, I don’t feel like I’d be good company right now. I just needed some air.”

Crusch’s lips formed a thin line, but she nodded. A part of her felt disappointed that he would reject her offer. Subaru, for all the brazen idiocy he had pulled upon their first meeting during the first meeting of the Royal Selection, had quickly garnered a huge amount of respect from the Duchess due to his many achievements and the personal sacrifices he made to not only save her life, but to put an end to Wilhelm’s hunt for the White Whale. 

For him to literally walk up to her in her own home, under her nose, and then just walk away again… Well, it frustrated and confused the Royal Candidate more than she knew how to process at the moment. Of course, she didn’t let any of this show, but between her time with amnesia and after regaining her memories; so much has changed for her as a person. If she were honest, she wanted to speak to Subaru about so much, to apologize and beg for his forgiveness…

Even if it brought up the terrible shame of Felix’s actions, and her own ignorant complacency. 

“I… I understand, Subaru Natsuki.” Crusch said disappointedly, and then she straightened confidently. “Then perhaps I can accompany you on your walk? I had no idea you were in Lugunica, let alone in my own home. I feel rather obligated to see to it that you are comfortable.”

Carina cast a deadpanned side eye towards her Papa, but kept silent as he smiled nervously at Crusch’s offer. As he stammered a response, Maia pinched Carina’s cheek and gave her a disapproving stare, as if saying, ‘quit that and let Papa handle this’. The blonde girl pouted at the idea of yet another woman getting close to her Papa.

Excluding Nana, there was Mama Freddie, Mama Capella, and her Aunties Ram, Rem, Emilia, and…

Ugh. Papa is going to become a lecher.

“I… suppose that wouldn’t hurt.” Subaru said, though he was honestly disappointed. 

He had wanted to have time to himself, but since this was apparently Crusch’s home and he was kind of here under her good graces, he supposed it was only right that he plays along to her request, right? It was just a simple walk. Did he really want to be badgered with more questions right now? No, but still, if her people were the ones that healed him and were taking care of his friends, then…

Crusch lit up a bit at his acceptance to her practically inviting herself. 

“Well, in that case, there is a place I feel you would like to see.”

It took a bit of meandering through the busy hallways and down a flight of stairs. He felt the stares of the various passerby all the while, now including whispers of him and Crusch taking an early morning walk. To her credit, Crusch heard one of these budding rumors from someone who couldn’t keep their voice low enough and fixed them with a withering glare.

That shut them up immediately. The person, a young man in mage robes, quickly bowed, apologized, and scurried away.

When he noticed that Crusch was struggling to go down the flight of stairs without falling, he offered her his arm. Of course she had refused, but he was having none of it.

“Look, I’m just trying to be a gentleman. This isn’t pity.” He had said with an undertone of irritation. There was a lot on his mind, and while she was his host, he wasn’t exactly thrilled with the added company at the moment. From the look she gave him, he could see that she picked up on his tone and pursed her lips with shame. 

Taking hold of his arm, she was careful not to touch his skin. Arms locked and her hand on his sleeve, he led her down at her pace despite feeling like death himself. Crusch couldn’t help but be impressed by Subaru’s insistence on being a good person, even with the circumstances they found themselves in. 

Once they exited the manor through a back entrance, the immediate temperature change became apparent.

“Are you sure you should be out here? It’s pretty cold.” Subaru said as he walked by Crusch’s side. He himself was feeling the nip in the night air as they walked the secluded and modest garden path behind the mansion. It wasn’t large by any means, mostly just a few trees, bushes, and various pristine flower beds alongside a brickwork path that ended with a stone bench in the center. They were probably only fifty feet away from the back of the mansion, as Subaru could perfectly see through the windows at the various people moving about within. 

He was sure they were still whispering, still gossiping.

It’s why he didn’t find it odd that he felt watched.

This was the first time since he woke up it felt ominous, however.

Crusch suppressed a shiver and crossed her arms to pull her plush, winter robe more tightly around her body to preserve heat. Her sickly skin rose up with gooseflesh at the kiss of the cold. While it wasn’t winter, she had trouble regulating her body temperature with the Dragon’s Blood coursing through her body. It had also continued to weaken her over the past year, a fact she has been trying to hide from the public. Right now, she felt as frail as the dainty little girl holding Subaru’s hand. 

“I’m fine, thank you.” Crusch responded and tried to keep the bite from her words. She was tired of being pitied and treated like a burden. If not for Subaru, she knew she would probably have died within this past year, so she tried to spare him her wrath. Glancing at his own limited attire, the emerald duchess asked, “What about you? Do you not feel the cold?”

“Sure, I do, but it feels kinda nice right now.” He said as he avoided staring at the woman for too long lest he betray a look of pity. “So, why did you bring me out here?”

“You said you needed some fresh air, and since the front courtyard of my manor is being used as a field hospital, this place is the most peaceful. I sometimes come here to collect my own thoughts. You can owe the beauty of this respite to Wilhelm, as he takes pride in the flowers here.” Crusch said as they approached the bench together. “Please, feel free to sit. There is enough room for you three, surely.”

Ever the gentleman, or perhaps just afraid of being rude to the owner of the home he was currently recovering in, Subaru asked, “What about you? Where would you sit?”

“I would prefer to stand.” 

Subaru eyed her skeptically. It was obvious she was lying, not that he was a good judge. He sighed because he was in no mood to argue with this woman. 

Sitting down on the bench, Carina rightfully claimed his lap as her seat. Maia didn’t hesitate to take the remaining seat beside Subaru, much to his chagrin. This girl really didn’t care about being rude, did she?

Crusch glanced between the three of them for probably the third or fourth time and finally she asked, “If I may, I didn’t believe you had any family in Lugunica, let alone a… daughter. May I ask where the girl’s mother is?”

Maia, already tense and ready to defend her Papa, didn’t outwardly react which wasn’t lost on Crusch. Carina, on the other hand, visibly frowned and looked up at her Papa. It seemed she wanted him to control the conversation, even if he couldn’t properly answer the Duchess’ question. Had Carina picked up on the complicated relationship he had with his wife, her Mama? If so, it might explain quite a bit…

“That’s the thing… I don’t remember anything.” Subaru confessed, too tired to be anything but fully honest with this woman. “At least, nothing that makes sense. She and I parted here in the city, apparently, and-“

“Wait a moment,” Crusch said, cutting him off with a wide-eyed stare. “You mean to tell me you two were separated during the mabeast attack?”

Realizing he had just made Crusch upset, Subaru quickly backpedaled. 

“No, no, no! We parted ways earlier in the week. I’m not sure where she is right now, but-!”

“And this doesn’t concern you?!” Crusch nearly shouted. 

“Of course-!”

“Mama is safe, Papa.” Carina interjected before Maia could. This entire interaction was meant to give Subaru some peace, and instead it was just stressing every one of them out. Ignoring Maia’s warning side-eye, Carina continued. “She brought you here and made sure you were taken care of.”

Subaru just stared at the little blonde in disbelief. His wife had been here. She had carried him to this place. This news threw him for a loop. Where had she been all this time?

Why had she left again?

Crusch, in the meantime, couldn’t help but notice how Maia’s hands were clenched tightly in her lap. 

“C-Carina, where… where did your Mama go?” Subaru asked slowly, his mind once again a churning cauldron of questions and uncertainty. 

His daughter looked stressed as she shook her head. “I don’t know where she went. She was gone when I woke up from my nap.”

Much to her disbelief, Crusch could not detect a single lie in what Carina was saying, which only brought up more questions. Rather than interrogate the girl, however, she looked to Subaru. The raven-haired young man was staring off into space with such a helpless look that Crusch pitied him .

Feeling more eyes on him, Subaru despaired.

She was here, and then she just left again… I didn’t even get a chance to see her, let alone speak to her…

Subaru’s loneliness compounded in a way he didn’t think was possible after tonight. That empty feeling in his chest only deepened. He had no right to criticize her for leaving, not after he tried to abandon her and his daughter, but knowing that she had left him here in the care of strangers without even a goodbye…

Am I always going to be the one who is left behind?

Somehow that sounded right, didn’t it? He hugged Carina closer to his chest and rested his chin atop her head. That’s what it meant to be a burden.

Crusch watched Maia’s hand reach over and begin to gently rub his back in a show of love and support. It was obvious to the Duchess that Subaru felt so very alone right now, but she wasn’t sure what she could say to him or if she even should try. After all, they had known each other, but they hadn’t been close.

Still, she had to try for his sake.

“Subaru Natsuki, do not worry. I-I’m sure that the mother of your daughter will return soon. The city is being pacified already, so the danger is minimal.” Crusch said as she stood there, feeling awkward yet determined to do something right by the boy who had taken part of her curse on to himself. 

If it hadn’t been for him, she would have been dead already. 

Guilt clenched her heart in a vice grip. It was true that Subaru was a heroic figure in her eyes, even after regaining her memories. She hadn’t been healthy enough to join in the search for him in Priestella, even though she held herself responsible for Felix’s actions. Thinking about how her knight had treated the man who had saved her life sickened her. It’s not that she could hate Felix for what he did, but more that she blames herself for putting him in such a position in the first place.

It's why she took in Emilia and Beatrice. In the end, misery loved company, did it not?

Crusch wanted to place a hand on his shoulder, to reassure him in a much more grounded fashion than words alone, but she was scared to touch him. The last time he had, he had taken her curse upon himself. If she touched him now, despite looking completely healthy, would she only add to his pain?

Fearing that she would, Crusch couldn’t help but feel a bit useless. It was a familiar feeling as of late. How could she represent strength while having one foot in the grave? It’s why she didn’t sleep much anymore and drank more whiskey than she had prior. In fact, it was why when dawn was so close, she had been awake doing just that. 

It’s because Crusch Karsten-

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be a burden to you, Crusch.” 

Pulled from her emotional self-depreciation, Crusch met Subaru’s sunken eyes and his forced smile. 

“I have imposed quite a bit on you tonight, it seems. Please, don’t worry about me. I’m sure I’ll see their Mama again soon. Something tells me she’s a tough woman.” Subaru said and looked to his two daughters for confirmation to his words. While Carina nodded with a reassuring smile, Maia’s nod was much more subdued. “See? I trust my girls.”

Both daughters blushed heavily at their father’s embarrassing words. Carina hid her face in his chest while Maia quickly looked away muttering, “Idiot…”

The sight would have been so much more wholesome if the winds of untruth hadn’t stirred around Subaru’s words. He wasn’t sure about anything, let alone seeing Carina’s mother again. 

Crusch would have pointed out his obvious lie but couldn’t bring herself to do it. Too much had happened, and they were both too tired to address it all right now. It’s why she hadn’t brought up the lack of scars on his person, and his new eye. While Felix had been in the throes of his grief, he had confided in her what all he had done to Subaru. The extent of the torture had made her vomit. 

There was so much that Crusch didn’t understand about Subaru’s return, but after the cold looks she had received from the two girls in his care, she had thought better than diving straight in. 

Likewise, Subaru was glad that Crusch hadn’t bombarded him with the questions he knew she was probably burning with. Something about this scene bothered him to no end, however. If the bits and pieces he remembered were correct, it was Crusch’s knight who had been his torturer.

Where was Felix-?

Ting.

Subaru heard what sounded like a coin being flipped directly behind him. With a frightened jolt, he whipped his head around to see where the sound came from. There shouldn’t have been anyone there, they had come to this place alone. 

Just behind the bench stood a hooded figure in black, arm outstretched and reaching for his pale face. 

He screamed and jumped to his feet. The action pushed a startled Carina off his lap and on to the brick path with a thump. Maia and Crusch both yelped and turned to face what had scared the young man as he hurriedly backed away. His legs got caught on Carina’s body as she landed on her rear, causing Subaru to trip and fall. 

“S-Suba-!” 

Arms flailing outward, he latched on to someone as they moved to catch him. Crusch Karsten and Subaru fell to the ground in a tangle of limbs and shouts on to the path behind them. The impact hurt both of them, and Carina who was under her Papa’s legs. Crusch had instinctively tried to cushion Subaru’s fall with her own body, which resulted in his head falling back into her chest and her arms wrapping around his shoulders. 

Feeling the confinement of someone’s arms, Subaru reached up and grabbed Crusch’s limbs midfall. 

His bare hand grabbed her own. 

In the span of a heartbeat, his yelp had turned into agonized screams as the Dragon’s Blood curse found purchase in his body and raced from Crusch’s flesh and into his. Like the acid in his veins, it burned through his limb and blinded his senses. Subaru became lost in a parallel between his memory of doing this in Priestella and now. He resonated with the pain of his past self and gripped her hand even harder in an effort to dispel the illusion his mind tried to make him relive. 

It burns, it burns, it burns!

Crush tried pulling away from his grasp but found she could not. Since when had Subaru become this strong that she couldn’t free herself from him? No matter how it felt, the relief and renewed life that washed over her ailing body would be compounded with guilt and regret if she didn’t stop him now. 

Maia was there now, trying to pry Subaru away from Crusch who was pinned beneath his struggling body. It was like an electrical current keeping his grip tight and unable to let go. Even with all of her impressive strength, Maia was weak from lacking mana and couldn’t separate them. 

In an act of desperation, the panicking teen stood up and brandished her sword. She didn’t understand what was happening, but she surmised it was because of Crusch’s hold on her Papa. If the emerald haired duchess was causing his pain, then…

Maia would just cut her off. 

Eyes wide and helpless, Crusch stared up at the blade being raised above the teen’s head before it came slicing downwards. 

It stopped just inches from Crusch’s pale, sweaty neck. 

A Hand made of shadows was visibly holding the blade, earning a gasp from the two Natsuki girls as their father’s thrashing came to an end. 

Subaru’s body was completely limp and covered in a layer of sweat as his chest heaved from sucking in the cold night air greedily. His head was resting comfortably in between Crusch’s partially exposed breasts, but the terrified, flushed woman was in no position to move him now, not with a sword and a shadowy Hand next to her face. Instead, she found herself tensed up and gripping his hand just as tightly as he had been earlier. 

Everyone stayed as they were for many seconds, unsure of how to proceed before Maia pulled her sword away and sheathed it on her back. The Hand receded into Subaru’s abdomen as Carina clambered out from beneath his legs and stood beside her sister. They reached down to try and get their Papa to his feet, which was a bit of a struggle because he was like limp pasta. 

Finally, they managed to get him to sit up beside Crusch instead of lying atop her. The duchess sat up and furiously pulled her parted robe more tightly around herself as she blushed and glared at the raven-haired man beside her. More than that, however, her eyes drifted to his right hand and a pit formed in her stomach.

His hand was once again blackened and oily with the Dragon’s Blood curse. 

“Papa! Your hand!” Carina cried out as she grasped the necrotic looking limb in a panic. “It’s black again!”

He wasn’t paying attention to them, however. Instead, his eyes were glued to the spot behind the bench where the man had been standing just moments before. 

There was nothing there.

“B-Baba, what happened?” Maia asked as she crouched beside him and put a hand on his shoulder to get his attention. “Why did you scream?”

Subaru’s throat felt dry from the screaming, but he managed to rasp out, “D-Did you guys’ n-not see him…?”

“Who? Who did you see?” Crusch asked, pushing aside her embarrassment as she scrutinized his fearful expression. 

He looked between them all in disbelief. They hadn’t seen that man there. Had he just… imagined the whole thing? That sound, though, it had been so real…

Ting!

Hearing it echo once again in his mind made his stomach knot up, but he knew that whatever that had been was gone now. He reached up to run his fingers through his hair in frustration but stopped when he caught sight of his hand.

Subaru looked down at his throbbing right hand and took in the sight as he tried to process the words Carina had just said. This wasn’t the first time she’d seen his arm like this. He couldn’t take his eyes off the inky black skin and the pulsing purple veins that were visible just beneath the dermis. Flexing his hand cautiously, he was terrified that his fingers were going to just rot off before his eyes. 

“Subaru, I am so sorry…” Crusch said beside him, her eyes softening as they rested on his blackened digits. “I truly did not mean for this to happen.”

He could feel the sincerity of her words through the warmth in her inner fire, which was now blazing more strongly than before. She meant what she said. Subaru met her eyes and tried to understand something. Why had it grown stronger after their fall? What had caused such a reaction from this chaotic situation? 

Subaru didn’t understand and was struggling to do so. 

Not comprehending why he was staring so deeply into her eyes, the warrior duchess felt an uncharacteristic flutter in her chest and a new rush of heat up her neck and cheeks. She quickly grabbed the top of her robe and held it closed with a new, healthy hand. Crusch wouldn’t be forgetting the compromising position they had found themselves in any time soon.

Meanwhile, Carina eyed them both with yet another deadpanned stare.

As if coming back into reality, Subaru’s own face flushed as he realized what he was doing. He quickly stood up on shaking, unsteady limbs and offered Crusch an equally shaking hand to help her up. At least, he had tried. The former knight nearly fell flat on his face if not for Maia and Carina catching and propping him up. 

Face as red as a tomato, Subaru still tried to offer Crusch his good hand.

“U-Uh, sorry about… that, I, uh… uh…” 

Soooo intelligent, Natsuki!

Crusch stared at his hand incredulously for a moment before sighing and taking the aid. All together, they helped Crusch to her feet. Like Subaru, she nearly lost her balance, but Subaru had reached out to catch her this time. All four stood close together, with Crusch leaning against Subaru as he held her and the girls holding him. The two adults were avoiding eye contact with each other as everyone made their way back to the bench.

Subaru and Crusch sat down beside each other with a heavy thump. The two Natsuki girls sighed and gave each other knowing looks, but quickly wiped their expressions off their faces when Subaru gave them both warning looks. Likewise, Crusch glared at Subaru with renewed embarrassment. She could forgive the near death experience and his head placement in light of him once again taking the curse from her body, but she was still burning inside.

It was such a strange feeling to want to smack the same man you want to press against.

“I would appreciate if that stays between us, Subaru.” Crusch said, her cheeks aglow as she tried to banish these new uncomfortable thoughts.

“Huh? Oh... Y-Yeah.” Subaru agreed awkwardly, unable to meet her eyes. “Yep, this never happened. You got it.”

Satisfied, Crusch nodded and asked, “Would you mind explaining what it is that frightened you, at least?”

Subaru gulped as dread fell over his shoulders once again. Even now, he felt like he was being watched. It didn’t help that he was sitting in the exact same spot as before, but he tried to ignore the feeling to answer Crusch. 

“I, uh... Thought I saw someone behind me. A guy wearing all black and a hood...” Subaru ran his hands down his heavy, dark-ringed eyes and heaved a weary sigh. “Maybe I need more sleep. It’s been a very, very long night.”

“I can imagine.”

You have no idea, lady, Subaru thought bitterly.

Shaking the curt remark from his mind, Subaru leaned his head back and stared up into the night sky. It was obvious that the sun was going to be rising shortly from the way it looked, although he had no idea from what direction as of yet. It just occurred to him that he had hardly slept in almost twenty-four hours. More, if he counted the previous loops. 

“Would you mind if I just rested my eyes a bit?” He asked. 

Crusch chuckled mirthfully, the guilt of having the curse transfer to him once again still heavy on her mind. “After everything that has just happened because of me, you feel comfortable taking a nap beside me?”

Closing his eyes, Subaru breathily responded. 

“Not to burden you, but I don’t think you’d let anything happen to me.”

She blinked at his words for they had resonated with her own feelings about herself. This past year had been a slow, painful death for Crusch. She was a burden to her staff, a source of torment and pain for Felix, and a disappointment to herself. For Subaru Natsuki to feel like a burden to her of all people was ridiculous. 

“You are no burden, Subaru.” Crusch said firmly. 

He chuckled under his breath, a dry spiteful deflection of her honest words. While he didn’t speak anything to contradict what she said, Crusch couldn’t help but feel dismissed. She narrowed her eyes at the pale young man she owned even more to after tonight, a knight who had once again come to her aid when she hadn’t asked nor expected it. He had saved her life yet again and all he wanted...

All he wanted was to take a nap. 

It didn’t take long before Subaru began to lightly snore where he sat. The poor man was so tired, that much was obvious. Crusch couldn’t help but smile in amusement. Subaru was just something else. 

As her eyes drifted over his relaxed features, Crusch couldn’t help but want to reach over and offer him her shoulder. 

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t touch Papa again.”

Crusch had almost forgotten about the two girls standing in front of Subaru. The speaker, Carina, was staring at Crusch with a deep frown on her face. Her reaction made complete sense to the duchess. 

“I apologize, I never meant-” Crusch tried to respond, but was cut off by Carina. 

“Papa should only be touched with love, so unless-!”

“Carina, shut up!” Maia whispered as she pinched Carina’s cheek to silence the girl, but that didn’t stop her from finishing he sentence. 

“- Unless you love Papa don’t touch him again!”

Crusch was dumbfounded. 

“Will you give it a rest?” Maia clamped a hand over the little girl’s mouth and held her against her chest as the child kicked and raged behind the hand muffling her. “Not everyone has to love Papa! I swear if it were up to you, he’d have a harem!”

Crusch flushed a deep red as she struggled to not cast dubious looks at the sleeping man beside her. Subaru really was something else, wasn’t he? Surely they weren’t serious...

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose as the two girls struggled against each other. They were loyal, if nothing else it seemed.

The little girl’s stomach growled rather loudly out of the blue, embarrassing her. The older girl pulled her hand away and shook her head at the blushing blonde girl. 

“Of course you’re hungry. When was the last time you ate?”

Carina looked away with cheeks aflame, unwilling to disclose how her last meals had been breakfast yesterday morning and an entire bag of candy last night. 

Maia just gave Carina a deadpanned stare, making the child bristle at the judgment. 

Everyone was caught off guard when a familiar voice called out to them from the beginning of the path. 

“Subaru! Lady Carina!”

All three girls turned to stare at the girl hurrying towards them with the aid of another woman. 

Carina’s expression brightened momentarily, but then quickly fell with an exaggerated huff. While it was always a pleasure to see Mama Freddie, she still had a bone to pick, or twist , with the blue maid she was helping along. 

Rem and Frederica made their way over to the small group, but when they were only a few feet away Rem pulled away from Frederica and dashed to reach Subaru while ignoring Frederica’s protests. She nearly pushed past Maia and Carina, but the teen girl caught Rem by her upper arms and kept her from getting any closer. Naturally, this didn’t sit well with the blue maid who then openly glared at the red-pink-eyed girl defiantly meeting her gaze. 

“Stand aside! I-!”

“ You have to relax.” Maia growled out lowly. “He’s fine, just resting.”

Rem’s eyes softened hearing that. She looked to Subaru once again to confirm what the mysterious stranger had said. It was true, Subaru was still snoring away, oblivious to them. 

Breathing a sigh of relief, Rem felt Frederica catch up to her and support her weight again. 

“Miss Rem, need I remind you that you are still injured?” Frederica asked sternly. 

“I-I’m sorry, Frederica, I just was afraid something was wrong with Subaru.” Rem explained, her eyes shifting between him and her. “The way he’s sitting doesn’t look very comfortable...”

All eyes turned towards the raven-haired man, who was slumped with his head cocked back towards the sky and hanging off the back of the stone bench. 

They all silently agreed she had a point. 

Rem’s eyes landed on his blackened hand and she nearly shrieked, had Maia not put a hand over her mouth. Once again glaring at the pink-eyed liar, Rem tried to shake her off while Maia explained the situation. 

“Subaru took on Crusch’s curse. It was an accident, he’s fine.”

“How is that fine?! ” Rem snarled and pointed to Subaru’s cursed flesh. 

“He got rid of it once, he can do it again,” Carina answered, seemingly unconcerned. 

Crusch, Frederica, and Rem all looked at Subaru in a new light. He had gotten rid of the Dragon’s Blood curse? Not even Felix, the renowned Blue, had been able to do such a thing. The idea that Subaru Natsuki was capable of something like that...

“How had he done it?” Crusch asked immediately, a desperate edge to her voice. If she could have done something, anything, to keep Felix from going down the path he had in an effort to cure her, she needed to know. 

Maia made a face and sighed as Carina looked a bit uncomfortable.

“Papa didn’t go into details, but he said it was very unpleasant...” Carina said, recalling the weird conversation. He had left to meet up with Mama, and when he returned, he had been curse free. Subaru hadn’t gone into detail about it and said it had been painful and kinda gross.

Then I’ll be sure to question him when he wakes up, Crusch thought with a determined frown.

Carina looked between all the women present and couldn’t help but feel a little better. Regardless of how her Papa’s lecherous pursuits only seemed to cause more headaches, it was reassuring to see how many people here cared for her Papa, if not loved him. Well, seeing as how he was safe and sound with so many strong women around, Carina felt confident enough to tug on Frederica’s skirt to get her attention.

The beast maid nervously looked down at the blonde girl, fearing her cover was about to be blown to hell. She asked, “Y-Yes?”

“I’m hungry.” 

Maia groaned, taking the attention off of Carina and the sweating Frederica. 

“Can we please feed her already?” Maia asked, giving Frederica a questioning glance. 

“Please, feel free to help yourself to the kitchen.” Crusch said. “I apologize, but my staff may be too busy to prepare you anything. Would you be willing to do this yourself, Frederica?”

The beast maid smiled pleasantly and gave a small bow of her head, “With your permission, I shall do as you suggest, Lady Karsten. Come along, let’s get you something to eat.”

Rem was handed off to Maia so that Frederica could offer Carina her hand. The two of them then made their way down the path towards the Manor. Even just before dawn, Carina’s smile was radiant as Frederica led her away. 

While Rem was focused solely on Subaru, Crusch just assumed the child was just happy she was finally being fed. 

The blue maid glanced at the teenager supporting her and studied her face as if for the first time. She seemed to familiar, like she recognized her, but Rem just kept drawing a blank as to where she would have seen her before. She had the same eye shape as Subaru, but there was something else, something she was missing. The longer she tried to figure it out, the more her dread and apprehension became apparent. Setting her jaw, Rem decided she needed to determine who exactly this girl was. 

“Tell me... Who are you?”

Maia met Rem’s gaze and said, “If you’re asking whether I’m an enemy or not, I can assure you I’m here to protect Subaru. As for my name, it’s Maia.”

“Maia.” Rem repeated and looked to Crusch, who was still sitting on the bench beside Subaru. She didn’t need to ask for Crusch to confirm the truth of Maia’s statement. The Duchess silently nodded to her unspoken question. 

“Then... Would you mind telling me how you’re related to Subaru?” Rem asked.

Maia smiled and opened her mouth to confirm her relationship, but a sleepy, pained voice stopped her.

“R-Rem?” 

Subaru had only been asleep for maybe ten minutes at most. In that time, he had been dead to the world, but a voice made it’s way into his unconscious mind. It was a voice he knew well, one that was both dreadful and alluring. 

“...Subaru!...” 

Like waves on a beach, he slowly resurfaced at the sound of that beautiful voice that plagued his heart and mind with compounded guilt. He had tried to abandon her for a second time, so why did his name on her lips sound like music? Her sad blue eyes, shoulder length blue hair, that porcelain skin, and soft pink lips. Something ached in his chest at the thought of her.

His Rem.

It was wrong, so very wrong for him to miss her this badly. He didn’t deserve to be her friend, let alone stand in her presence. Not after all that he had done to her. Subaru felt disgusting, truly like a parasite in more ways than one. 

Lesath had tried to capture his heart, and as much as he tried, it just didn’t belong to her.

Coward.

There were others who held it captive.

Pathetic.

He was married. He had a wife, a beautiful wife, and yet his heart...

His heart also craved to be near two other women.

I can’t let go...

Subaru was aware of how this sounded to himself, of what this made him, yet as he opened his eyes he couldn’t help but be drawn to her. 

She was standing there, being supported by Maia. He looked at her from underneath his slightly parted eyelids down his nose until he gained the awareness to lift his head. Ignoring Crusch’s concerned look as he did so, Subaru focused on the maid wearing similar pajamas as he in this cold night air. A gentle breeze came through and caressed her hair where it caught the faint traces of moonlight.

As much as it ate a hole in his guts, he couldn’t help but think she was beautiful. 

Was this real? Was she really here, now?

He had missed her so much...

“R-Rem?” His voice was hoarse from the overwhelming emotions that were rising up within him. 

Her attention snapped to him. His breath caught in his throat. This really wasn’t a dream, was it?

The raven-haired Hero stood up on shaking legs. They locked eyes and Subaru was reminded of another time he had seen Rem like this. Once, when he had first awakened with no memories two days ago, Rem had barely contained her emotions. She wept in his embrace, so happy to be reunited with her beloved Hero.

The second time was a distant memory, one that swelled his heart with an immense amount of love. 

He had been in pajamas then, too, and Rem had watched over him while he slept. She had held his hand until he woke up. Subaru couldn’t remember what he had said to her then, nor could he remember why he was in that position in the first place, but there was something that even his amnesia couldn’t take away. 

The way the breeze had tossed her hair and the sun had shined on her, the shimmering of her eyes as she cried and the warmth of her smile. Then came the words, the only words that reached him from that memory.

“You are demonically inspired!”

She wore that same expression now and cried the same tears. They had traded the warmth of sunlight for the chill of the moon. That warmth was still burning within her, brighter than ever, and it comforted his unworthy self. 

Neither of them knew it now, but the chill of this night would follow them to the bitter end. 

She untangled from Maia and hurried to him. Subaru, overwhelmed with so many confusing emotions, settled on just being happy that she was alive and safe. Rem collided with his chest and wrapped her slender arms around his neck as he engulfed her within a tight embrace. Her delicate scent, unique to her, washed over him and flooded his senses along with her warmth and petite body. 

There was no space between them. This time, it wasn’t just Rem who was clinging to him, but Subaru was clinging to her just as much. Both the Hero and the maid broke down, their tears dampening her hair and his skin as they breathed each other in. Subaru could feel her inner star, her love for him, and it was overwhelming. 

How could he ever have thought to abandon her? Self-loathing reignited in his chest, a bitter heat that engulfed him and his relief that his Rem was okay. She hugged him tighter, as if she could feel his self-depreciating thoughts. 

Subaru pulled away, tears streaming down his face as his body shuddered with pathetic sobs, to apologize for failing to be her friend once again, for almost letting her get killed, and for failing to bring down the one who hurt her.

Rem silenced his shame with her lips crashing against his. 

Outside of their little world, a teenage daughter and an emerald duchess quickly averted their eyes by turning away their blazing faces.

Completely taken aback, Subaru’s mind went blank. With Subaru unable to form a coherent thought, Rem took the lead and pulled his neck down to make their kiss last. The traitorous maid knew what she was doing was selfish and despicable, but tonight she thought she had lost her Hero, perhaps for good. She had almost died tonight.

Only now she never felt more alive. 

Breathless and flushed, Rem ended the kiss and buried her face in Subaru’s neck. She was so thankful that he hadn’t pushed her away, hadn’t rejected her. He may not forgive her for this, but Rem didn’t regret stealing a single kiss after waiting for what felt like lifetimes. 

She’d happily pay the price later. Right now, she just wanted to be close to her Hero, her friend, and her beloved. 

Subaru held Rem close, but thoughts were hard right now. He short-circuited. Rem just kissed me... I just kissed Rem...

Oh shit...

As Maia watched the events that would bring about the apocalypse, she blushed furiously and tried to swallow down her panic.

We’re going to die, we’re dying, and we’re dead! 

She was sweating bullets. 

No one can ever know about this .

The thought of murdering Crusch to keep this a secret felt like a necessary evil at this point. Wait, if Carina got wind of this...

“Mama, Papa was cheating again!”

She could literally feel her hair turning grey with every passing second. The last time Carina said that to Mama Capella an entire Vollachian village had been razed. Thankfully it had been blamed on the civil war and not on the Sin Archbishop, but the best part? The woman had just flirted with Subaru... That’s it!

Her Papa had managed to keep his head and even convinced his wife to let the Divine General live, but Maia refused to go through that shit storm again. Just the fact that Mama had agreed to protect certain people, like Big Sis Frederica, was miracle enough that the teenager did not want to test those waters any more than she wanted to swan dive into the midst of the Black Serpent.

Just as the teen was about to open her mouth to end this stressful reunion, someone else was shouting as they approached from the distance. 

“Hey, Big Bro! You’re okay!” Felt yelled as she raced down the opposite end of the path towards Subaru and Rem’s embrace.

Not willing to let the blonde Candidate tackle her Baba, Maia growled and moved to intercept. 

“Who the hell are you?!” Felt shouted as she nearly collided with Maia, who was blocking Felt’s advance with her arms outstretched to block her. 

“I’m-!” Maia tried to explain but was once again interrupted. 

“CAAAAAAP’NNNN!” Garfiel shouted as he leapt off the roof of the manor and landed on all fours on the path just behind Maia, who looked ready to blow a gasket. “Cap’n, whadda-?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Maia screamed as she whipped around to deliever a swift kick to Garfiel’s ass. 

To everyone’s surprise, he actually stumbled forward from the blow. 

“Oi! Who da fuck ya think ya are?!” Garfiel shouted, his cheeks glowing with indignant embarrassment and mild attraction at this girl’s spunk. 

“That’s what I’ve been trying to say, you damn nudist!” The now blushing teen snapped at the still shirtless tiger boy.

Maia put a hand on her chest and used her other hand to point to the panicking Subaru. “My name is Maia Natsuki! I’m a Great Spirit of Yin and Subaru Natsuki’s apprentice and spirit-daughter!”

Leveling an embarrassed glare on Subaru, Maia then barked, “And if you think I’m doing that stupid pose, you’re dead wrong!”

Chapter Text

For many nights after Subaru disappeared, the moon had been her companion.

The first time had been the last night they had spent searching Priestella for their friend. Emilia had frantically searched Priestella for her knight. She ran through the streets calling out his name, begging him to come back to her and their friends. To her credit, she had been one of the last to give up. 

“Subaru! Subaru! Subaru!” Emilia cried through the ruined streets.

During her run, she had been crying tears of deep regret while her heart was being devoured by loneliness. Puck was gone, and now Subaru was gone, too. He had broken his promise yet again and left her all alone. Not once did she blame anyone but herself, not even Felix and Julius despite their horrific roles in Subaru’s pain. To blame them, or Betty, would mean she would have to blame herself, first. As her knight, he was her responsibility. 

His pain was on her shoulders, and his blood was on her hands. 

“Subaru! Subaru, come back!” She shouted across the rooftops.

Day have given way to night, but still she searched. When she passed her friends, it didn’t matter if they had just searched an area- she would check it out herself. She owed it to Subaru to try, didn’t she? She needed to find him, had to find him.

She couldn’t imagine a life without Subaru Natsuki in it.

“S-Subaru! Please, I’m...! I-I’m...”

The words were stuck in her throat, but not because she didn’t mean them. No, it was precisely because she meant them with every fiber of her being that the words were so difficult to say.

“I’m... Subaru, I am so...”

It didn’t matter that her heels were bleeding from her ceaseless running. 

It didn’t matter that her throat was raw and parched from her calls.

It didn’t matter that her beautiful amethyst eyes were now bloodshot and red-rimmed from her endless tears.

It didn’t matter that her friends, all but Rem and Beatrice, had given up their search days ago. 

“Subaru... Nothing matters anymore...” Emilia muttered miserably to herself as she found herself on one of the four gatehouses to the city. Her body trembled from exhaustion as her legs gave out beneath her. As the ground rose up to meet her, Emilia couldn’t help but wonder if this was even a fraction of Subaru’s pain. Surely it wasn’t. She wouldn’t be that lucky. 

“Subaru... Subaru, please... I’m begging you...” Her heart felt like it was collapsing in on itself. Empty and hollow, it was like a star imploding in the void. Without Subaru, it hurt. It hurt so much...

“Without you, Subaru... None of it matters to me anymore.” 

Emilia’s body no longer responded to her commands. Instead, she was forced to stare out across the darkened cityscape and into the night sky above. She was simply too weak to move any more. 

If someone came to find her, she hoped they would just leave her where she was. It was what she deserved because Subaru would have suffered more than this. This pain, this ache that threatened to consume her like that imploding star, was nothing compared to what she had done to her best friend, her knight, and her first kiss. 

Another tear silently rolled down her already damp cheeks and soaked into the dry stones beneath her. 

They would never kiss again. He wouldn’t be there to hold her hand or go on dates with her. That goofy smile and warm gaze were gone from her life, and possibly the world. She doubted Subaru, the sensitive boy, would be able to smile like he had anymore. He must have been so alone, so hurt, all because of her actions and lack thereof. 

He had saved her, stood up for her, and encouraged her time and time again. No matter what happened, he always came back to her and saved the day. He always brought a smile to her face like it was his purpose in life. Despite being weak, he wouldn’t hesitate to lay down his life for her. Subaru never abandoned her, even when she couldn’t give him an answer to his feelings. 

The weight of her failure, of her sheer ignorance, threatened to crush her. She knew now that because of her complacency that Subaru was gone. He didn’t want to be found, not by her, at least. 

She didn’t blame him.

While she laid in the shattered remnants of her heart, she understood why.

What had she done for him? What had she actually given him? A smile, a friend? How pathetic. Smiles didn’t save him from the demons in his mind. Beatrice had confessed that she knew about his self-harm and tried to protect him, but those nasty tendencies would return sooner or later. If being his friend had been enough, then he would be here, right?

For the first time in her life, Emilia felt like dying.

The full moon hung in the night sky across the horizon, just barely within her peripheral vision. Its silvery blue light overshadowed the blaze of magic stone light in the city below, painting a stark contrast that almost blocked out the light of the stars that Subaru loved so much. Of course it’d be that way, she thought. This place had no right to let the stars shine, not when it destroyed the boy who loved them so. 

Emilia lifted her face and stared into the celestial body. She sniffled as she thought about her knight. He would have loved to bring her to a place like this, once. 

Maybe he would have kissed her again or held her hand. 

Maybe she would have kissed him back and never let him go.

“Subaru, I… I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry...” Emilia sobbed into the unforgiving night. 

She was awful, a selfish child who didn’t understand the gravity of this dark world. Sheltered and protected, it wasn’t until now that Emilia could feel how alone she truly was. First Mother Fortuna and Guese, then Puck, Roswaal, and finally, Subaru. She always had people taking care of her, not the other way around. What was she even doing? What had she offered him?!

A smile.

Friendship.

Amethyst eyes squeezed shut as the bitterness took root. Through trembling lips, the once ignorant half-elf decided to speak to the moon and prayed that somehow Subaru would hear the words wherever he was now. Surely, he was staring at the moon, just as she was… surely, he was out there…

“I’m sorry, Subaru… I’m sorry I made you carry all my burdens… I’m sorry I…”

I’m sorry I never learned to say ‘I love you’ back.

This became a ritual for Emilia. On the nights of the full moon, even if she couldn’t see the stars, she would find a place to sit and speak to it as if it somehow could convey her thoughts and emotions to her departed loved one. It didn’t matter where she was, she would make time to give her pain and love to the moon like a sealed letter written from her heart. Emilia wasn’t stupid enough to believe that the moon would be the thing that connected her to Subaru, but it was comforting, nonetheless. 

Subaru once told her that when he looked up at the moon, that it reminded him of her hair. She had called him silly and blushed but hadn’t returned the compliment. His words echoed in her ears to this day. 

“You know, when I’m lonely, sometimes I look up at the moon and think of you. It’s kind of embarrassing, heh, but… your hair shimmers like moonlight. No matter where I am, I’ll never be lonely if I can see the moon and think of you!”

“Subaru, don’t say such silly things! It’s reeeally embarrassing!”

 So stupid… Emilia thought bitterly at her past self. 

The last night she had done it had been just like the rest, a quiet respite to empty her thoughts and feelings to her silent companion. She had sat in the garden of the Karsten Manor on a bench surrounded by Wilhelm’s flowers and stared up at that silvery-blue orb suspended in the sky and spoke to it like an old friend. 

“I thought about Subaru again today.” Emilia confessed with a bell-like voice as she gently rubbed a bandaged finger with her opposite hand. “It was so stupid. When I was chopping vegetables in the kitchen, I cut my finger. It reminded me of how Ram and Rem used to say Subaru was surprisingly good at helping them prepare the meals when he was a butler. They hadn’t expected him to be that helpful, though that wasn’t to say he was perfect by any means.”

Emilia smiled softly as she squeezed the wounded digit and stained the bandage crimson. 

“I guess… I just never really knew how amazing he was, even at the little things.”

A solitary tear escaped the corner of her eye and passed her upturned lips as she remembered him weeping into her lap as she stroked his hair. He had only been a butler for a short while and even then, he had been plagued. Emilia thought she had helped him, had done her part for the sweet boy who saved her without any thought of reward or ulterior motives. He always looked at her like she was a person to be cherished. 

He had stood up for her at the first meeting of the Royal Selection and been punished for his arrogance. That arrogance had upset her and made her realize that he was putting himself through terrible pain just for her sake. She had tried to distance him from her as a way to help him…

Now all she wanted was to have any moment she lost with him to be returned to her. She was a greedy, envious little elf at heart. If she could go back and change the past, she would in a heartbeat. She would never have let him out of her sight, and she would have monopolized his time. Rem would probably have hated her even more than she did now for it, but Emilia was willing to do it if it meant she could be with Subaru again. 

“Subaru was a good boy.” She told the moon and clasped her hands together tightly in a white knuckled grip. “If he had met someone else that day in the Capital… would have been better off? I wonder, sometimes. It feels stupid to say it now, but…”

She took a deep breath and leaned her head back against the stone bench to stare straight up into the sky, unable to tell the moon directly for fear of being judged by the heavens themselves.

“I wish… I wish he had never met me. Maybe if he hadn’t, or even stayed in Priscilla’s employ, then he would be happier. I remember feeling a little jealous when I saw him entering the first meeting with her, as if he hadn’t left her employ. She… I’m sure her death hurt him when he heard the news, even if he claimed to have never liked her, but still. Maybe I could have met him anyway but been distant enough that… he would still be here.”

It hurt to say these words aloud, but that was the point. The moon didn’t condescend her and looked down on everyone equally in its silent journey. She had nothing to fear from its light. 

“Then again… if he hadn’t been around, I would probably be dead. We’d all… be dead.” Emilia said with grave certainty. Subaru had saved each member of her former camp from awful fates, sometimes more than once. It was ironic, really. He was certainly weak and had his flaws, yet for all their power, it had been him that brought them together and saved them all several times over. 

That’s just how amazing he was.

She remembered how dashing he had looked in his knight uniform. More than once, she imagined if he would have worn that if they had one day gotten married, or something else. Once she laughed because she imagined him wearing that “tracksuit” of his as they said their vows. Such an absurd dream had brought an undeserved smile to her face. 

Looking back at the moon with glistening eyes, the half-elf maid clinging to a broken heart brought her hands to her chin and whispered to the man who changed her life.

“I miss you so much, Subaru… I’m sorry I didn’t say it before, but I love you. I always will. Wherever you are, I hope you’re happy. Maybe you have new friends, a nice house, and people who care about you more than we ever did.”

Her throat was tight with emotion, the words coming out in a strangled squeak. 

“I hope… I hope you found someone who loves you and makes you smile every day. I hope you have a family; you were always so great with the children in Arlam. I bet… I bet your w-wife is beautiful, and…” She was crying again and choking on the words, so she lowered her head and curled in on herself to force herself to finish her thoughts. 

“… I hope you’re happy with someone who isn’t me…”

No matter how much it would hurt me, no matter how much I wish it were me, and no matter how much I hate myself… I pray that you find peace, Subaru. 

Please… Please, never look up at the moon and think of me again. 

Forget about me.

Leave me behind.

Don’t ever regret doing so.

I don’t deserve you.

Emilia wept with a pained smile and a hand over her empty heart. 

“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…”

Sleep would allude her that night. Even if she could find rest and succor within oblivion, she would be plagued with the same nightmares over and over again. 

Though Emilia would never know, in that exact moment, a raven-haired teen was indeed looking up at the moon through a glass window. His eyes were black as the starless void and his heart would be just as cold, if not for the stars that sat beside him and washed over him with their love and devotion.

Looking down, the once jovial knight caught the curious stare of a crimson-eyed blonde child on his right that held his hand tightly as they sat on a bed in a nondescript inn. A familiar weight pressed in from his left as a black-haired demi-human assassin leaned against his shoulder with a blush coloring her cheeks. Across from him was another raven-haired girl, a spirit swordswoman with reddish-pink eyes and a bored scowl as she sat cross-legged on the floor.

Tomorrow would be the beginning of the end, so he told them to go back to their shared room and get some sleep. All three of them were ignorant of what would transpire, but he knew they’d follow his orders until the demi-human tried to take advantage of the situation. 

A few nights later, not too far across the Capital from that same inn, a certain half-elf maid was stuck in the throes of her reoccurring nightmare.

Even while unconscious, the dream came to her like so many others. She stood alone in his cold, damp prison cell and stared at the discolored chains that hung from the ceiling and the crusted manacles on the far wall. As disturbing as it seemed, she still wasn’t sure if the metal was that color of because of blood or rust. At the time, her naïve mind tried to rationalize or outright ignore that passing observation. Did it matter in the end?

After all, it was her fault he was here to begin with. 

It was the same as she remembered it. Uncomfortable and oppressive, with the putrid stench of decay clinging to her skin and filling her nostrils. Back when they had returned to Priestella, her only knight had already vanished. No one could explain how he managed to do it, and the only clue they had was the intense miasma inside the cell. They searched the city for almost an entire week and turned up nothing. No sightings, no trace, and no body. 

He had disappeared from the world, except in her dreams. 

She missed his smile, that dopey look in his eyes when he was being over the top around her, and even the look of brazen determination. 

She missed going on dates with him and watching him do his morning exercises.

She missed it when he held her hand.

If she could have any selfish desire, it would be to kiss him one more time and tell him how she felt.

In a dream world, it should have been possible.

Not once had she had such a dream. Right now, she was in that cell in Priestella. She took in her surroundings and wanted to search for him. Unfortunately, she didn’t always have to look far.

Sometimes he’d be here and sometimes he wasn’t. He’d glare and curse her, weep and beg for mercy, or even snarl like a mindless beast. So, a few times he’d be happy to see her. Each time, her heart would break, and she’d join him in his misery. She’d weep and moan, scream in horror, or beg for forgiveness. 

The worst, however, was when he was silent.

The cell would be cold and damp, but he wouldn’t shiver. He’d bleed from dozens of wounds, but he wouldn’t cry. He’d open his mouth, but no sound would come out. His eyes would stare into the void lifelessly, but he’d just stand there as if waiting for something. 

It’s what Subaru was doing now from the other side of the cell. 

Emilia hated the silence. It felt as if it devoured everything in an effort to fill itself, draining even the color from the world around them until they only thing left is the red of Subaru’s blood on his body and her own hands. She stared down at the fingers of a murderer, a traitor, and devil for possibly the hundredth time. They were slick with the color of his pain and her guilt. 

“Milie,” she heard him whisper in her ear. 

Like a shot, Emilia raised her head and found herself just inches from his impossibly wide grin. 

She tried to scream, but found no sound escaped her lips. His hands reached for her as she fell backwards in terror. More hands caught her and drug her through the dungeon until the floor gave way to snow and ice. Frozen figures gathered around and restrained her with their frostbitten bodies. Her vision fills with the horrified expressions of Fortuna, Guese, and the rest of her people trapped in time. There is only one small gap in the swarm of her mistakes and guilt. 

She can see him standing there grinning with sadistic glee as they buried her. It felt justified to see Subaru enjoying her pain. If anyone should enjoy seeing her be crushed under the weight of her failure, then it was the one she had so completely failed in the end. 

Emilia couldn’t find it in her to reach for him or beg for mercy. No, she accepted her fate and let the abysmal embrace of death pull her down. It was what she deserved. 

As her vision blurred, a hand reached down into the darkness and grabbed her hand. With slender fingers and an iron grip, the hand began pulling her to the surface of whatever bottomless pit she was succumbed to. A voice called to her as the world around her grew brighter. 

“Emilia!”

She knew that voice. It was Subaru’s voice. 

Unable to silence her own heart, she cried out for him to save her but found no sound could escape her lips.

“I love you! Emilia, I love you!”

Subaru...!

His fingers grew cold like the grave.

“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you...”

Wait... That’s not...

“Save him!”

Then her consciousness slammed back into her body like a thunderclap. 

Emilia awoke to the sound of her own screams. Arms flailing about against the icy cold grasp of the fingers in the shadows, the half-elf maid fought hysterically as sounds and lights assaulted her senses. Two powerful hands gripped her shoulders and tried to hold her still as a voice screamed in her ear. The words didn’t register, only the feeling of entrapment lingered. 

A cold icy wind burst from her body, whipping her hair around wildly as the air carried her screams like those of a banshee in the throes of her nightmare. 

It all came to a stop the moment the air was cracked with a rough slap across her face. 

Her cheek stung terribly, but she was able to cease her magical storm as the blow literally knocked some semblance of control back into her. She reached up and gingerly touched the already swelling skin as she fearfully turned her head towards her assailant. Despite realizing she had been trapped in a nightmare; some part of her was terrified she’d see Subaru standing there. 

Instead, she was met with an X shaped scar and spiky blonde hair. 

“G-Garfiel?” 

The gorgeous tiger kept one hand on her slender shoulder as he pulled back from striking the young woman. She expected anger, but instead there was just concern and shame on his face. He eyed her warily, as if he was expecting her to snap at him. 

“S-Sorry, Prin- erm, Emilia. Yer tryin’ ta freeze th’place ‘nd I-” Garfiel said, then snapped his mouth shut. It was obvious to Emilia that Garfiel hadn’t wanted to harm her, but he had panicked in the face of her uncontrolled spell usage. 

Emilia turned her head to take in the state of the room. Every surface, including furntiure and the room itself, had a fine layer of ice and frost over it. Someone had put her in bed and even changed her into a nightgown, though she didn’t remember ever changing. True to form, loose papers, the lamp by her nightstand, and even some clothing that had been laid out atop her dresser were thrown about the room from her outburst. 

She noticed that Beatrice wasn’t in the room with her. Immediately, concerned she asked Garfiel where Beatrice and Subaru were. 

The former Shield clenched his jaw and tried to put her mind at ease. 

“Yer spirit s’fine. She’s in’the next room, out cold. Rein said she needs yer mana b’fer she’ll wake up.”

“Then... What about Subaru? Is he... Okay?” Emilia asked with a timid, quiet voice. The last she saw of her former knight, he had taken Beatrice and that other girl with him. If Beatrice had used all her available mana, then what had become of her-?

“Cap’n s’fine, too. He got here be’fer the rest’a us and some healer took good care’ve him.”

Emilia breathed a sigh of relief she didn’t know she had been holding. Her body slacked from exhaustion, but the movement made her wince from a pain in her abdomen. Looking down, she noticed that a bit of blood had seeped into the cotton in a horizontal line just below where her naval would be. 

Clutching herself reflexively, Emilia felt a cold wave of revulsion and fear fall over her like arctic waters. 

“Ah, shit!” Garfiel exclaimed as he noticed the blood. He hesitated but then reached down and held his calloused hands over her covered wound as his palms became enveloped in a blue-green light. “Lemme help ya, then I’ll getcha a better healer, a’ight?”

The pain had faded at his application of healing magic. She didn’t need to look beneath her gown to understand that the bleeding had at least stopped. Had Garfiel been working on his healing abilities as well?

Garfiel didn’t say anything until he was satisfied that she wouldn’t be dying in front of him. He sat back in the chair he had pulled up to sit beside her bed while she had been asleep and sighed. The poor young demi-human was exhausted, more so mentally and emotionally than physically. Those emerald-green eyes of his, which once held such luster and energy, now seemed dull and jaded. 

Emilia could guess as to why. 

The two of them sat in an awkward silence for a little while. Each had something to say to the other and the weight was palpable, but neither felt comfortable speaking the words. Where would they even begi-?

WHAM!

“Big Bro!” Felt screamed as she literally kicked the Emilia’s door open and frantically scanned the interior for Subaru.

“Gah, fuck!” Garfiel shouted as he jumped to his feet, shoving the chair away in the process. “Da fuck ya doin’?! People’re sleepin’!”

Felt glared at the loudmouthed tiger boy, “Oh, that’s rich coming from you! Subaru is missing- again!”

As the blonde Royal Candidate irritably scratched her head and dashed from the room, Garfiel nearly took off after her when he noticed Emilia swing her legs out from the bed.

“Oi, oi, no way! Yer stayin’ in bed!” Garfiel shouted as he moved to block her getting to her feet with his body. 

“Please, I have to help-!” Emilia tried to protest but was cut off by Garfiel. 

“Look, th’ Cap’n was happy ta see ya!”

Emilia stopped and looked up to meet Garfiel’s eyes. He was glaring down at her, but somehow, she felt that resentment wasn’t meant for her. It was true that Subaru hadn’t seemed upset to see her again, but her heart couldn’t accept that he was actually… happy about their reunion.

“Stay ‘ere ‘nd lemme find ‘em! Then ya two can talk bout wha’ever!” Garfiel’s head lowered slowly, weighed down by hurt and shame. “Th’ Cap’n… Cap’n ‘d like that, I think. He… rememb’red ya…”

Confused and sensing there was something deeper going on within the teenager, Emilia reached out to gingerly touch his hand. The moment her fingers touched his skin; he yanked his arm away and stormed out of the room without another word. 

Emilia waited there for what felt like an eternity. She couldn’t understand what Garfiel meant about Subaru ‘remembering her’, but could it have to do with those ‘loops’ he mentioned? Emilia tried to understand what was going on, she really did, but nothing made sense right now. Not until she spoke to Subaru about why he said he had ‘been killed’.

Biting her lip, the worried, lonely half-elf carefully got to her feet and made her way to the door.

After the bombshell of Maia’s identity as a Great Spirit settled down, he realized that being slothful wasn’t going to hold off the hard discussions and his responsibilities any longer. Subaru Natsuki made his way through the Manor with his entourage of friends behind him. Well, mostly behind him, as Rem insisted on holding his hand and staying by his side, much to Maia’s annoyance. Everyone thought the color in his face was just embarrassment at getting to hold Rem’s hand, including Rem herself, but the truth was that flushed appearance came from shame. 

None of them could understand how he contracted another Great Spirit, of Yin no less, and Maia wasn’t eager to share her story just yet. After several attempts to get her to talk, it was Subaru who suggested they should all get together and discuss this as a group. After a bit of back and forth, and Crusch supporting his decision, everyone finally let it go until they could sit down together. 

They didn’t know he had tried to abandon them, and it upset him a great deal. Rather than tell each of them individually, he thought maybe it was best to wait until he could apologize to all of them together... Which still left him feeling slothful. A few of them deserved personal apologies, namely the women in his life.

The first person he tracked down was Ram, as her condition had been critical. When he mentioned it was the pink maid he wanted to see first, Rem instantly looked away and her grip on his hand tightened enough, it almost hurt. Subaru winced at the sudden cold shoulder he was receiving from Rem, but he couldn’t blame her one bit. She had feelings for him, and he had kissed her twin sister out of the blue. That had to sting more than a little, since the night before he basically told her they had to restart their relationship at the basic level.

Might as well add ‘dirtbag’ to my list of descriptors. 

No one else seemed to understand why Rem was so against Subaru seeing Ram, or why their raven-haired friend felt compelled to visit her first. None present knew the reason for the twin’s sudden animosity, other than Rem and Subaru, and only Rem seemed to be aware the two had tried to kill each other. They decided to let Subaru take the lead in this and hoped to get answers later.

While he still didn’t fully understand what had happened to make him kiss the pink maid, or what made her want to kiss him back, he felt that it was tied to Coeur Sirenum. Whatever this power was, it seemed to allow him to feel people’s emotions if they care for him, and even manipulate them to a certain extent...

The idea that Ram may not have wanted to kiss him disappointed him for more than one reason.

He needed to apologize to Ram. Badly. 

When they reached Ram’s room, Subaru tried to pull his hand away from Rem’s but she wouldn’t let him go. Subaru glanced at her and saw that she was looking away from him, trying to hide her frustration and jealousy. It was hard to see, but he knew it was his fault. Right now, though, he wanted to visit Ram alone. Rem had insisted her sister was still comatose, but he still felt that he needed to do this.

If she wasn’t awake, then Rem had nothing to fear. If she woke up, however, then Subaru planned to apologize to her without an audience and explain himself. It was what Ram deserved from a scumbag like him.

First, he needed Rem to let him enter without her. 

“Hey, Rem?” Subaru asked with a nervous, but soft voice. “I’ll only be a few minutes, okay? Feel free to wait right outside the door, but... I have to do this alone.”

Rem was quiet, her hand still clasped around his fingers. 

“R-Rem, please-?”

“You’re not going to kiss her again, are you?” Rem asked, her voice sharp like a knife despite the soft volume. 

Of course, everyone caught those words.

“C-Cap’n, ya kissed-!” Garfiel sputtered, his face lighting up like Christmas tree with mixed emotions. 

Felt’s cheeks bloomed as she kicked Subaru roughly in the shin. 

“Gah, that hurt!” He cried as he cradled his bruised limb with his free arm. 

“That’s what ya get for being a scumbag, Big Bro! I can’t believe you!” Felt shouted. 

Crusch just looked away, unsure of what to say in this situation. Certainly, her view of Subaru had changed a bit yet again. 

Maia blinked away a few tears at hearing the news that her Baba had kissed Ram, though she kept her face schooled as to not betray her own feelings. 

“How could you do that to poor Rem?! Have you no shame?!” Felt angrily jabbed his chest with a finger.

“Look, it wasn’t like that, okay?!” Subaru tried to defend himself verbally, though he let Felt painfully jam her finger into his ribs. “I’ll explain what happened to everyone, but first I have to apologize to Ram!”

“I-I don’ wanna ‘ear about ya suckin’ face with Ram!” Garfiel snapped as he got into Subaru’s face. “Th’ hell, Cap’n! Ram’s my girl!”

A mortified expression spread across Maia’s face. “W-Wait, you-?!”

The girl suddenly looked nauseous, while Rem’s aura was turning malevolent as she pictured her beloved ‘suckin’ face’. 

“Ow, ow, ow, stop!” Subaru whined as the bones in his hand cracked from Rem’s increasing grip. She heard his pained voice and immediately loosened her grip, but she still was promising murder with her royal blue eyes. Audibly gulping, Subaru was dreading this hole he had thrown himself into, but he couldn’t back out now. “Please, let me just... Let me just see her. I owe it to her to talk this out with her and apologize. When I’m done, I want to apologize to you, too, Rem, but when we’re alone.”

Rem’s violent expression softened a bit when he said the words ‘apologize to you when we’re alone’. A soft blush spread across her face, even if she still looked furious. She breathed deep and exhaled slowly before meeting his gaze. 

“You had better, Subaru, because I need to apologize to you, too.”

“Eh? For what?”

“Later,” Rem shook her head and finally let go of his hand. “I’m going to wait down the hall. Please, don’t try to run away again.”

Another spear of guilt pierced his heart, but he knew he deserved it. 

“I’m stickin’ round, too!” Garfiel growled as he pointed a thumb at his bare chest. “Ya better apologize ta me, too, Cap’n! Bros don’t kiss other bro’s girls!”

Felt rolled her eyes, “You two were never a thing! Not to mention, weren’t ya spending time with Mimi before she had to go back to Kararagi?”

Maia discreetly breathed a sigh of relief.

Garfiel sputtered, “S-Shuddup, this ‘re is bro talk!”

Subaru chuckled at their antics and reached for the doorknob. Just as he grabbed it, the door was pulled open and took him with it. Subaru was yanked into the room by the momentum and brushed right past the one who had opened it.

Ram stood to the side of the doorway in a borrowed nightgown looking like death warmed over, but her fury was palpable. Her lustrous pink hair clung to her head and her skin looked clammy. It was obvious to anyone that she felt awful, but that fire in her eyes must have been enough to get the demon girl on her feet.

“Will you all shut up?!” She snapped at the two blonde loudmouths, who instantly shut their traps. “Don’t you all have someone else to annoy to death? Leave!”

The pink twin’s gaze drifted towards her blue sister. The two of them just silently stared, as if with some unspoken communication, before the fire left the exhausted Ram. Before their disposition could become any more awkward, Rem spoke.

“Sister, you and I need to talk tomorrow. Agreed?”

Ram lazily glared at her little sister before saying, “Fine. Tomorrow.”

She gently shut the door to the entourage outside. The muffled voices of Maia and Crusch, mostly silent up to this point, had begun to argue the point of everyone giving the two some privacy. 

As the group left down the hallway, Subaru’s Coeur Sirenum told him that Maia was still out in the hallway, albeit a respectable distance from the door. It seemed the spirit girl wasn’t about to let her ‘Baba’ get away so easily.

He was going to have to have a long talk with her, too, he knew. 

Now it was just Subaru and Ram in the shared bedroom. He was still a heap on the floor, while Ram just faced and leaned against the door. The nightgown clung to Ram’s slender frame. Subaru ignored the obvious awareness of Ram’s body with ease, as his shame and concern overrode that primal masculine instinct.

Climbing to his feet, Subaru wasn’t sure what to say at first, so instead he tried to help her. 

“H-Hey, why don’t you sit down on the bed? You probably need to rest.” He said and reached to touch her arm.

“Don’t touch me... Please.” Ram muttered pitifully, stopping him in his tracks. She stood as still as a statue and tried to appear just as strong and cold towards the man in her room. It only partially worked. 

He pulled his hand away and even took a step back. “I-I’m sorry Ram, I don’t want to make this anymore awkward than what it already is.”

Ram turned to face him and leaned back against the door for support. Those fiery pink eyes glared at him like he had some nerve to say such a thing. Maybe he did.  “Awkward doesn’t even begin to describe what you’ve caused, Barusu.”

Why did her voice sound so grave?

Subaru nervously rubbed the back of his neck, unable to meet Ram’s burning eyes. “Yeah, I guess not. Everyone got hurt because of my actions. I’m sorry-”

“Idiot,” Ram scoffed, her short hair flipping to the side as she looked at him with an unobscured stare. “You have no idea, do you?”

“W-What do you mean?”

Ram sighed and slumped, startling Subaru to action, but Ram held out an arm to keep him away. 

“I’m fine, just low on mana.” Ram explained as she panted just from standing. Her lack of using her third-person way of speech attested to how awful she felt. “Someone must have given me mana, but it was just enough to keep me alive. What a pain.”

Subaru tilted his head, “Wait, someone has to give you mana? Who?”

“Master Reinhard is the one who supplies me with mana, though mana crystals can suffice in emergencies. It’s the condition of not having my horn anymore.”

He remembers hearing from the detailed account of his past life during his first loop that Ram didn’t have a horn, which severely weakened her during the Ulgarm attack of Arlam village. Still, he didn’t realize it was this bad. 

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Don’t be foolish,” Ram said tiredly. “Very few people and spirits can transfer mana. You aren’t capable.”

“How hard can it be? I mean, I was able to heal some of your wounds, so surely-”

“ You healed my wounds?” Ram asked in disbelief as she gave Subaru an appraising once over. “When did incompetent Barusu become a healer?”

Ignoring the jab, he asked, “Wait, you mean I haven’t always been able to do that?” 

“By the Od,” Ram groaned as she pushed off the door and slowly made her way back to bed on her own strength. “How can you be this-?”

A few steps from the bed, Ram tripped on her own feet. Subaru lunged for her and managed to grab on to her arm to help her stay upright, but part of him regretted it the moment Ram gave him a very irritated look at the sudden contact. Regardless, he helped Ram the rest of the way to bed and let her sit before saying another word. 

Subaru sat on the floor in front of Ram and looked up at her with the most determination he could muster at this uncertain point in time. An idea came to him, one that probably sounded stupid but no less plausible. Ram needed mana, and if her horn was how she received mana...

“What... If I healed your horn?” Subaru asked, his onyx eyes narrowed.

Ram rolled her eyes. “If it was that simple, it would have happened already.”

“I mean, is it possible-?”

“Enough, Barusu.” Ram said harshly. “Let it go. There is something else I wish to speak with you about.”

Feeling that the conversation he’d been dreading all this time was about to happen in earnest, Subaru nodded and let Ram say her piece. He was sweating and flushed with shame and embarrassment but made the effort to remain respectful and attentive. She deserved that out of him, at least. 

Ram noticed how comically determined he looked, and her icy expression melted just a bit.

“Barusu... Ram needs to know what you did to her.” 

Subaru hung his head and tried to get the words to come out, but they felt lodged in his throat. He was despicable for whatever this ability, “Coeur Sirenum”, was. Not that he fully understood what it was, or how he was even using it. 

Was it an active ability, or a passive one? He knew he could project his own and feel other’s emotions, and even feed off them and heal their wounds so long as he takes them on to himself…

When he and Lesath had their inner suns connected, his pain had become her pain... And it had killed her.

He couldn’t recall activating it.

Damn it, he felt like he was going insane!

He decided to explain himself as best he could with what information he had. Lifting his head, Subaru couldn’t meet Ram’s eyes, but he couldn’t stay silent either. It was now or never. 

“I... I don’t know!” Subaru said, then bit his tongue. 

You damn coward!

“Barusu... Doesn’t know? How is that possible?” Ram asked with a dubious expression. 

“I-It’s hard to explain, but I can apparently affect the emotions of people around me. I... I think that’s what happened when, you know... When we-”

“Barusu.”

“Y-Yeah, sorry, anyway, u-um... It’s also how I was able to heal you and Rem a bit. So, I guess it isn’t limited to just emotions, b-but still! I never meant to do something so scummy to anyone! I’m not even sure how I’m doing it!”

He expected Ram to snap at him, to curse him and call for his immediate execution. In fact, during his rant, he had squeezed his eyes shut in preparation for this kind of reaction. When it didn’t come, Subaru timidly opened one eye-

“Gah!”

Ram’s foot smashed into his face and sent him sprawling on to his back. For such a tiny woman in a weakened state, that had still hurt like hell. He supposed he deserved it, however, and didn’t voice any complaints minus his cry of pain. As he raised his head up to look at the maid, he suddenly felt a weight on his abdomen as Ram leapt on top of him with a feral shriek.

She straddled him and began pummeling his face with her petite fists as she cried out in frustration and betrayal. Her dark pink eyes were flashing dangerously, her fury unbridled and primal yet impotent. Despite her initial strike, her body was weak and trembling. The force that would have been possible should she have been at full strength was gone. Now, Ram’s blows were minor, but she still tried her best to beat this manipulative bastard’s face into a bloody mess. 

Subaru didn’t fight back. He had said that he would take whatever punishment they had in store for him, hadn’t he? If he were honest with himself, he was getting off easy. 

“You sick bastard!” Ram spat, her eyes blazing. “How dare you try to mess with my head! You think that just because you healed my wounds that I’m going to forgive you?! Die!”

Of course he didn’t think that, but he wouldn’t say as much. Her strikes eventually drew blood as she split his lip and bruised his cheeks and jaw. Subaru felt her energy waning as the punches became weaker and less frequent. Try as she might, Ram was still too hurt and exhausted to truly do any damage with her fists.

“How dare you, Subaru! How dare you trick me like that! I... I was wrong about you!”

Subaru caught a glimpse of her tears pooling in those rose-like eyes before they rolled off her eyelashes and dampened his flesh. His heart momentarily stopped when he saw the sadness beneath all the fire and venom. It tugged at that most selfish lump of flesh nestled in his chest and squeezed it in a way more painful than Ram’s punches. 

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done to me? Do you?!” Ram screamed as her slender fingers began pounding on his chest.

It felt like Deja Vu. This had happened before in another time. If so... Then it had been him who had hurt his Ram. 

My Ram?

“Because of your wicked spell I have lost myself! Rem hates me now for kissing her stupid, scumbag of a Hero! It’s your fault that the bond between my sissy and I is broken! You forced yourself on me-!”

“N-No!” Subaru finally spoke up, unable to stay quiet at such an allegation. “I would never- gk!”

“Shut up!” Ram cried as she ended her assault with a slap across his face.

Subaru didn’t raise a hand to Ram’s attacks. He couldn’t stomach the idea of hurting her. His heart felt like it was eating itself as her bitter tears fell onto his sore, stinging flesh. Even if she tried to kill him, Subaru couldn’t bring himself to compound his guilt any more by trying to hurt Ram to protect himself. He just didn’t have it in him anymore.

She leaned down and braced her hands on either side of his face. When their eyes met once again, a single tear fell from her eye and landed in his left eye. He blinked it away, but the image of her gritted teeth and the sound of her nails digging into the carpet next to his ears was much more pressing than his vision. 

“Did it... Did it mean anything to you?” Ram asked in a suddenly strained, squeaky voice. “Anything at all?”

What...?

“When you kissed me, I wanted it to be some disgusting spell you learned! I was angry and I blamed you for daring to force your perversions on me, Barusu! The things I said to Rem... The awful things I said...” Ram was crying in earnest now, but her face remained as fierce as a demon. 

As awful as it sounded, Subaru couldn’t help but find the weeping angel from his dying moments in another life to be beautiful.

“I wanted to hate you, Subaru Natsuki! ”

His heart felt like it was breaking as his own tears pricked at his eyes, their tears mixing in a symbolic extension of their twisted relationship. If he could have spared her this torment, he would have happily given his life. It wasn’t like death could stop a monster like him.

So instead, he reached for her inner star to fulfill her wish as the pink oni poured out her heart.

“When you were lost in the Capital, all I could think about was you! I worried about you, you filthy pervert! I even looked at my sister with jealousy because I knew that even now, your eyes are drawn to her and not me!”

Ram’s shoulders jerked up and down as she fought back her sobs. 

“If this was some deplorable attempt at revenge by pitting me against my sissy, then you win! Is that what you want, Barusu? You want to tear us apart and pine for you like some common whores just to hurt us? Then I’ll end this here and now if you don’t undo whatever you did to me!”

Pink eyes darkened with a reddish glare; a luster born from betrayal given rise to murderous intent.

Subaru tried to speak but found he couldn’t. The raven-haired boy stared up at the woman he wronged with tearful eyes, but he wouldn’t beg for his life. The tears fell from his bloodshot eyes as the capillaries threatened to burst.

As the connection burst into his sixth sense, he internally pleaded with himself and her warmth to undo whatever foul spell he had placed on her. He would not ask to live, but he would ask to fix this terrible mistake. 

His lips trembled with an apology he had no right to ask for.

As the stars collided within his perceptions, he became flooded with the raw emotions of Ram’s heart. Just like with Lesath, he could feel her desires, fears, and rage. The idea of opening the connection to Ram scared him, but he couldn’t affect her if he didn’t. 

His consciousness was fading into their bond, but he couldn’t let her go on like this because of him.

Opening himself up to her, that flood of emotion mixed with his own and flowed back into Ram. In his desperation and ignorance, he didn’t filter them out or control which emotions returned to Ram. Instead, their stars touched like two gaping wounds pressed together, with their life’s blood mixing and mingling between them. 

The emotions they felt from each other were unfiltered, unprotected, and pushed past honesty into the realm of surreal.

Her misty eyes widened as it all became clear to her.

“Stop.” Ram ordered the fool beneath her.

Just as Subaru was about to lose consciousness, Ram’s fingers unfurled.

He wasn’t sure when Ram climbed off him, or when she pulled him to his feet. At some point he ended up with his back against the bed frame. Ram was rubbing his back and leaning against his shoulder as he continued to get his bearings. He felt a migraine coming on from all the stress and blows to his brain.

When he finally felt aware enough to address what had just happened, Ram touched his neck once again causing him to flinch. 

The beautiful pink oni felt a stab of guilt in her heart, a stab that Subaru felt in his own from their connection. There was something else there, however... Something different yet familiar. 

His eyes drifted from her eyes to her pink lips that parted ever so slightly. 

“R-Ram, I-” Subaru rasped.

“Don’t speak, Barusu.” Ram commanded gently. “Ram knows what you’re going to say, and she doesn’t want you to say anything stupid to ruin it.”

At her suggestion, he was silent. 

“Ram thought that maybe... If nothing else, if you could turn back time as you said last night, that you would do so to avoid death. Maybe you could go back before you mistakenly kissed Ram.” 

Ram didn’t know of the conditions to Return by Death, but last night he had explained to her that he could turn back time. Now far more intimately aware of his ability, Subaru was scared to tell Ram the whole truth. 

Her fingers stroked the back of his head softly, the gentle ministrations were soothing on a whole new level due to Coeur Sirenum. He wanted to protest this treatment, but she silenced him with a stern glare. 

“Quiet, Barusu. Ram is speaking and she will only say this once.” Taking a deep breath, she continued. “I thought that if you did that, if Ram could force you to do it, then... Then all of this could have been avoided, and you would have spared us both.”

She reached up and clenched the fabric of her nightgown over her heart with slender, deceptively strong fingers. 

“Ram wanted you to take away these unpleasant feelings.”

Their eyes met once more, onyx and pink amethyst, and this time Ram’s gaze softened and shined with unshed tears. She did not smile, could not smile over this, but he could feel what her face would not share. Ram was happy, terrified, angry, selfish, and heartbroken.

Her misery was all his fault.

“You tried to take them away, didn’t you, Barusu? Ram felt... That you tried.”

He nodded sadly then hung his head at his failure. He had tried, he really had, but he couldn’t. For whatever reason, he couldn’t undo the spell he had put her under, and his frustration bubbled over.

Feeling that frustration, Ram grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her. 

“Answer Ram. Did it mean anything to you? Speak.”

Subaru gave her the answer she already knew. 

“... I’m ashamed of myself for what I did to you, Ram.”

Ram pursed her lips and lowered her gaze to the floor. The sting of his words resonated between them both, unfiltered, but so did the truth behind them. His shame and regret...

“Then why can Ram feel your feelings for her?”

Subaru wanted to deny it, but lying was futile now. He and Ram were connected beyond words, but he knew she wanted to hear him say it out loud. She needed to hear his answer.

His Ram needed to hear the truth.

“You can feel them because they’re real,” Subaru said in a heavy, guilt-ridden whisper. 

He was pathetic. Since that kiss, he had felt mortified and guilty. More than anything, he had wanted to take it back. When he connected to Ram in such an unbridled melding of their hearts, Subaru had revealed everything buried beneath the surface to the pink maid. The truth was simple.

Within his greedy heart, Ram held a piece all to herself. His regret, his pain, and his desperation to atone for his stupidity all shined through to smother that mote of light he selfishly locked away and wouldn’t let shine. It had made its presence known when their lips met in the alley, and again when he healed her with his strange power. 

Just as Ram felt the truth, she realized something just as damning.

Ram’s feelings for him weren’t the result of some spell, but the flowers that blossomed between them since his return. Her heart had lurched when he tried to kill himself by beating his bloody head against the wall, she had cried out for him to stop before the seizure took him. She had made peace with missing and forgiving him that same night, and her heart stirred ever so gently since. 

Every interaction after that had planted the seeds, and by a relentless power had become stronger and stronger with every touch, every word they shared.  

He couldn’t take away Ram’s feelings because, even if he could, Ram didn’t want him to. Was this what her sister saw in Barusu all along? This genuine, bleeding heart that loved despite the consequences touched her in a way that was different than the cold determination of Roswaal’s love that she could never truly receive. 

The petite oni leaned against his side and rested her head on his shoulder as they sat there, catching their breaths and calming their nerves. She basked in the warmth she felt burning within her chest, a star that cast out the shadows in order to make room for something far more wonderful. Ram knew what this feeling was, but she wouldn’t give Barusu the satisfaction of hearing it from her first. 

While the truth was simple, she wouldn’t make it easy for him. In addition to the feelings in his heart for her, she had felt the love that had already taken root for Rem and his wife like distant torchlight. It was disheartening to feel, but Ram couldn’t truly be angry with him. He was an idiot after all, so how could he recognize how amazing she was yet? Technically, she was the intruder this time.

She intertwined their fingers and felt a jolt of electricity between them, whatever warmth emanating from Barusu’s heart spiking and washing over her like sunlight. 

“I’m sorry, Ram… I’m so sorry…” Subaru muttered tearfully in defeat. 

“Stupid Barusu, don’t apologize.” Ram whispered as she closed her eyes and just enjoyed the moment. 

“B-But I failed- I couldn’t-!” 

Oh, he was going to blubber again. She had to stop this.

Irritated at the silly raven-haired jester, Ram sat up and grabbed his face before silencing him with their second kiss. 

Her lips curled upwards at the feeling of absolute confusion and chaos that this intimate act stirred within Barusu. It was like she kicked a hornet’s nest and left him to be stung into a venomous, comforting coma. What a strange sensation. Just as his breath was stolen, she felt her own be stolen in turn. Whatever he felt, she felt. 

It was as magical as it was terrifying.