Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The last thing Jacob wanted was to be stuck in a car with the deputy. A part of him was hoping she was only joking about going fishing, but oh, how wrong he was when she appeared in front of the ranch with her car stuck to the brim with fishing gear. He didn’t want to know where she got in all from.

He glanced at the woman behind the steering wheel, never seeing her so relaxed. There was always tension in her shoulders, the alertness to spring into action. Now, she looked almost like the first time he saw her, except there was a spark of life in her eyes.

Odd.

The radio was turned off, but it didn’t stop her from humming a tune he was too familiar with.

He sighed, pinching his nosebridge.

- Are you really humming “Let the water wash away your sins”?

It pulled a giggle out of her.

- I’ll admit, as much as I hate your cult, your music is pretty great.

- You don’t know how much Joseph paid for it. - he huffed, crossing his arms. - Three different recordings. I told him it was a bad idea, but John and he hyped themselves up too much.

- I’ll say, it was worth it. The writer deserves a pat on the back.

- I have bad news for you, deputy.

She groaned.

- Joseph?

He hummed in confirmation. Jacob still remembered sitting late at night with his brothers, trying to make sense of Joseph’s chaotic scribbles to get some lyrics out of them. They would sit on the cold bathroom floor, because his muscles would act up again and throw ideas at the wall. All they had was a cheap acoustic guitar. He would drum the rhyme on it and they would try to put words to it.

Those were the calm days, they’re never getting back.

- You know I have a name, right?

That small statement stunned him. He read her papers, again and again, but her name was fleeting him. It was never important, not when she was tied to the chair, not when she was a prey.

- Jessica?

- Not even close.

- Ugh.

- It's Anna. Deputy Anna Obuchowska.

- Obu- what?

- It's Polish. Dad's an immigrant, never bothered to make it simple for Yankees. Just call me Anna or Rook. Although Rook is funnier. Gawron. God, probably sounds worse to you.

- Anna.

He said it to test it on his tongue. It wasn't bad. Simple, to the point.

- So, what do you want to fish? - she asked. - Sturgeon, bass, trout, salmon, grayling...

- I don't care.

She sighed.

- When in doubt, trout.

She turned the car north, to the Whitetail mountains. Every road they took seemed to lead back to the same park, deep into the wilderness. He didn't complain, ever since he could remember, he preferred to stay outdoors. Forests and reservoirs were more of a home to him, then whatever that place they lived in with their parents was. He would stay outside as long as possible, just to avoid their old man.

If he could, he would stay in a small cabin somewhere quiet for the rest of his life. But Joseph had a different plan and he followed.

Jacob turned on the radio and immediately “Barracuda” blasted out.

Dep’s hand moved to the dial, but he swatted it away.

She gasped.

- Hey, my car, my radio.

- I'm sick of the silence.

She tried again and he slapped her hand.

- The driver controls the music. - she hissed.

- Behave or I'm stopping the car. - he warned her, hand already resting on the handbrake.

- It's a safety precaution. “Only you” is in the radio poll.

- I can take you.

She huffed, sending him a sharp glare, before turning back to the road.

- What? Don't like the old, good, American radio? - he couldn't help himself, but tease her. - What do you kids even listen to these days? Taylor Swifty? Red five? Panic in the room? - he knew the right names, but wanted to get a reaction out of her.

Her mouth twisted into a grimace of displeasure and disbelief.

- First of all, I don’t like modern radio. I never liked what’s currently played. I just don’t. Too loud, too jumpy, too much of everything. I'm more of a Kate Bush girl.

He arched his brow.

- “Wuthering Heights”?

- More “Wedding List” and “Infant Kiss”. You know her?

- Nurses in the military hospital loved her. Heard many things during service.

She hummed.

- Like what? - she waited a moment, before adding. - No, I'm serious. You got me curious.

A sigh escaped his lips. It’s been more than a decade and yet, he remembered.

- The boys from the squad liked Metallica and AC/DC, always argued with the Nirvana guys. My buddy, - he cleared his throat, he didn’t want to say Miller. - He hummed “Don’t worry be happy” day in and day out, like a mantra. Everyday, someone must have played “Rock the Casbah”, without missing even one.

- And you? The Platters?

- They were my mother's favourite. Me? Don't know. Bob Dylan, Johnny Cash, maybe.

It’s been so long, since he heard something from the outside. He kind of missed it, but he would never tell anyone, especially Joseph.

He clicked his tongue and added:

- Fleetwood Mac.

She laughed.

- Fuckyeah, Fleetwood Mac! God, what was that one song?

Dep tried to hum and mumble it, but with every next sound, her face fell even more. It was clear, she forgot, but desperately grasped to the crumbled memory. Jacob focused, putting together what she had and searching his own mind.

Then it clicked.

- And if you don't love me now, - he muttered to the rhyme. - You will never love me again.

- I can still hear you saying, - she sang back with a smile. - You would never break the chain…

For the rest of the drive, they sang that stupid song, although neither of them could. It sounded horrible, but fuck it, it was fun.

After another bad song, they stopped at the end of the road by Linero Building Supplies. He walked behind Anna, ready to grab anything the woman dropped from her foolishly carrying more than she could. She took folding chairs, net, tackle box and rods, leaving him with only a portable cooler. Shouldn't he be carrying all of it? If something happens to her, they'll have to put her down like a horse and start over. She was doing it on purpose, wasn't she? Just to piss him off.

She glanced over the shoulder at him and raised an eyebrow.

- What did I do this time?

Jacob raised up the cooler and realization spread on her face.

- Fuck, sorry. - she handed him a few things. - Force of habit.

- Don’t tell me you were doing the same thing, while fighting us?

She pressed her lips together and didn’t say a word.

He didn’t know if he should feel impressed or scold her for being stupid.

Eventually, they put everything by the rocky shore of Wishbone Lake. As he unfolded the chairs, Dep pulled out two bottles from the cooler.

- Do you want Leased Lager or Whistling Beaver? - seeing his expression, she grimaced herself. - This is all that’s here. And I’m pretty sure there’s a rule against drinking wine and whisky, while fishing. Something about stupid rich folk.

She handed him one of the bottles. He swiftly opened it against a rock.

- There’s still vodka.

- Mokva is disgusting.

He couldn’t argue with her.

Jacob took a swing and looked at the surface of the lake. It rippled a bit from the wind, reflecting the clear sky. Nothing, but rustling of the trees and singing of the birds. It was nice, but the nagging feeling at the back of his skull didn’t stop. He should be working, should be in the Veteran Center and finishing everything, before the Reaping. He should be already going to the Grand View Hotel and Stone Ridge Chalet to oversee the preparations. Not enjoying the cool breeze with his enemy.

He collapsed into one of the chairs. Even if it was pointless, he couldn’t just do nothing.

- So, - Anna sat down next to him with an exaggerated groan, beer in one hand, and sank into the chair. - How's the wife and kids, boy?

- Very funny, Rook. - his voice was flat, but the corner of his lips twitched.

- I’m sorry, I haven’t mastered the old man talk, yet. - she muttered between sips. - Getting close, though.

He rolled his eyes.

Jacob watched as she grabbed one of the rods and fidgeted with the lure. Carefully, but precisely she tied the bugger to the line, making him furrow his brows.

- Let me guess, your daddy took you fishing a lot.

She huffed a laugh.

- I taught myself. I learned everything, while stuck in here. I have never been fishing before, but turns out, I really like it.

- And you did an atrocious job. - he beckoned with his hand. - Give me that.

He grabbed it from her and quickly undid the knot.

- Now, watch and learn. You want to go fancy. What was that? Butchered Davy? Tie it here and there, no. We're doing trout, keep it simple. You just need two: Uni or Palomar. You know any?

She rested her elbow on the armrest, chin in her palm, looking at him like at a picture. 

- I think Palomar?

- You either think or know. Take your fly and do this.

He made a loop, passed it through the hook and tied the knot. He smirked to himself. He still got it, even though his eyes were acting up again.

He turned back to her.

- Bait?

She smiled.

- No bait.

- No ba- Kid, come on. Now, what's the best bait for trout? Tick-tock.

- Minnows and nightcrawlers?

- Good. That's for the live bait, if we're going artificial grab a spinner with number 2, spoon or a jigger. What do we have?

She pointed at the fly.

- Trout bugger.

He pitched his nosebridge.

- Will do. - he muttered, handing her the rod back. - Now, cast it. Properly.

Anna laughed. She took it, putting aside her beer, and cast the line in a wide arch. The fly landed impressively far.

- Will do? - she asked, sitting right back.

He nodded.

- Will do, kid.

It was a slow nosebleed to correct all of deputy’s learned mistakes, and to his displeasure, she managed to catch a few small fry despite it. Nothing too impressive, but she would dangle them in front of him, posing like those fisherman on the angler’s magazine covers. Oh, he wanted to wipe that cheeky smile off her face.

The whole time Rookie was throwing different ideas of what they could do next. From dumb bar hopping to hunting bliss animals, she suggested everything possible to do in Hope County and, surprisingly, what they both might enjoy. She even asked him what he would like to do, his favourite places to hunt, if there's something he wanted to do.

Killing Eli was off the table. Damnit.

Jacob could see she was not only trying, but was excited at the possibilities. He could swear every time she said "we" and "us", her eyes shined a bit.

It was sad, she got him to share her loneliness with. The worst possible cure.

As he pulled another small trout off his hook and threw it back into the lake, he thought this wasn’t entirely bad. But he was curious about few things.

- I saw your photos. - he struck up, taking his seat again. - Fine bunch. Your folks. Your old man really looks like the type to take you fishing. The face of a man, who doesn’t care and just takes his kid to do what he likes.

- The only thing he took me, was mushroom picking once or twice. - she chuckled, casting her line. - No, he was always working. The whole day, until dusk. I don't remember how many different jobs he had, but he was never home, sometimes for days. It was only me, Maria and mom.

- I'm guessing that's your sister.

- Older sister. - she corrected him, sitting down. - Four years between us. Not much, but it made things rough. Really rough. You know how teen girls can be.

- Sure. - he didn’t know. - Psychological warfare, I’m guessing. Stealing clothes, back talking, snitching. That stuff?

She laughed, clearly entertained by his answer.

- Close enough. Your brothers were better?

- Joseph growing up was… Quiet. Smart, though. We had our moments I wished, he was like other kids, but he was and is my brother. Even if he pissed me off sometimes, because I stole candy for him and John. And John, oh please, John was a toddler, even when he was five. Trying to eat snails and mudcakes, and cherishing paperplanes I made him.

He caught her smiling, before it disappeared.

- Well, and mom... Mom was mom. In the end, I was left to my own devices, for better or for worse. I would just wander the neighborhood and abandon buildings. Other kids called me a ghost. - she tilted her head. - Maybe they did have a point. I was oddly quiet and would sneak up on them, not by accident either. I was a lost, angry child.

She gently pulled on her line, her face slightly cast down.

- I wouldn’t guess, you had anger issues.

- That’s what’s called growing up.

He shook his head, grabbing another beer.

- It’s called keeping that shit buried down. I saw what you can do.

She chuckled humorlessly.

- I can’t argue with that. - she sighed and curled up in the seat. - Why so curious all of the sudden?

He shrugged, leaning back in the chair.

- We're stuck together, aren’t we? Might as well get to know each other.

- Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer, hm? Fine, ask anything.

He thought for a moment, turning a bottle cap between his fingers.

- How angry were you?

- Depends on who. Others? Very. Myself? Even more. I was lost, unsure of my future. When I was little, I wanted to be a mermaid princess. - hearing a snort and a cough trying to cover it, she huffed a laugh. - I was very little. My mom told me mermaids weren’t real and I should pick something more realistic. So, I wanted to be a nurse, then a photograph, and then nothing. - she sighed and turned to him. - And you?

He grumbled, tossing the cap into the cooler.

- It was between a policeman and a park ranger.

- You look good in uniform. - she muttered. Before Jacob could react, she continued: - Anyways, with time, I could only say, I was alive. I thought the world was unjust and I didn’t take shit. In highschool, other girls would try starting drama with me. Because I was… I was trying to stay away from everyone. Well, I got into detention for hitting one of them with a baseball bat. Got a whole speech about how dangerous it was.

- If you hit her in the back of the head...

- She could have died. Yeah, I know. I guess, it was quiet anger, with many boiling points. - she glanced at him. - You were louder.

- You could say so.

She tilted her head.

- The ranch. That wasn’t exaggerated by Joseph?

He huffed, almost laughing. Of course, she read Joseph’s book.

- No, it was pretty much point by point. The barn, stables, house, cars, everything up in flames. Who knew, hay and grain was so flammable. And the axe handle. Considering everything, they should have trailed me like an adult and put me in jail.

He looked at her, wanting to see her reaction. Fear or maybe disgust, but she only looked intrigued. He couldn’t understand her. Did they mess her up so badly, she didn’t see his confection as something abnormal?

- And you’re father…

- I should have killed that bastard. - he growled, but scoffed afterwards. - He might have fallen down the stairs in prison and broken his neck, but it wasn’t enough. Years of abuse and Old Man Seed got away easy, while we’re still dealing with his crap.

Heavy silence fell between them. They watched the boppers float on the surface.

It was still a sorespot, even after all those years.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could swear, he noticed the deputy's hand move closer to him, but quickly retrieve.

- I wish mother didn’t get the shortest end of the stick out of us. - he muttered, more to himself. - Joe only remembers the ghost she became. Beaten into obedience like a dog.

- How was she before that? - she asked quietly.

- Bold. - a corner of his mouth lifted. - And bright. We didn’t have much, even less when the old man got injured and lost his job at a factory, but she was crafty. Made sure we wouldn’t feel we were poor. She would joke, she was a witch and her magic could make everything. Taught us how to survive in this world and how to be strong in the face of everything. But then, she got pregnant with John and after that, she was gone.

And he was next to her, hopelessly trying to help with everything. He cooked when she couldn’t, help with the baby when she couldn’t hold him, stood in the old man’s way when she didn’t even try fighting back. He was desperately holding onto the hope she would get better. That it was just temporary. But it wasn’t. Mom was gone and only left behind an empty hush in the shape of her.

At least, they all had her eyes.

- She sounds lovely. - Anna said, giving him a small smile. - You did what you could. You can’t expect more from a child.

- I was a teenager. - he rubbed his eyes. - I could have made sure… - he shook his head. It was pointless to keep on thinking “what if”. - And yours? She looked like a fine lady.

She sighed and stood up to check the rods.

- She was. But she was a fragile woman. My whole life dad reminded us to not upset her, because she couldn’t handle it. Keep your problems to yourself, don’t talk about bad things, because mom has it worse. - she yanked on one of the lines. - She was like the sea. Calm one moment, just to snap at you the next. She would get upset, if you were too loud, didn’t do your chores her way, misplaced anything. I once placed a bowl on the wrong spot and she scolded me, like I broke it. A fucking, dumb bowl. And she made me cry for the rest of the day.

He got up himself and stood next to deputy.

- She doesn’t sound stable.

- Who knows, really. She did love us, but she didn’t show it most of the time. She made sure we were healthy and fed. She would try to comfort us, Maria more than me. When I… - she swallowed. - When I lost my son, she cradled me in her arms the whole night. I can’t hate her, even if I wanted to.

Jacob sighed.

- That’s the curse, isn’t it? They put you through shit and you can’t even fully hate them.

It wasn’t him though. He could say full-heartedly, he hated his father. But mother was a different story.

- But she probably misses you.

- She passed away a few days ago.

…

It all made sense, didn’t it?

- What happened?

- Suicide. - she whispered. - I got back from work and expected her to be in the kitchen, making dinner. But she wasn’t there. I found her hanging in their bedroom. - she wiped away a tear. - Turns out, she got breast cancer and didn’t tell anyone. No one, not even dad. She didn’t want us to see her suffer through chemo. Stupid, right? Just like her daughter.

He didn’t want to agree with her.

After a moment, he put his hand on her head and ruffled her hair. They felt soft, but damaged under his finger tips.

- Well, we’re stuck together now, so if you try doing anything stupid, I’ll lock you back in the cage. Got it, honey?

Anna rolled her eyes, but he could see the corner of her mouth lifted.

She gestured with her head towards the fishing rods.

- That’ll be yours, Jake.

Something was pulling on the line. He grabbed the rod and immediately it was obvious it wouldn’t be easy. Ignoring her smirk, Jacob rilled in the fish, only letting go when the line teased too much.

After a few more pulls, he held up a nice Lake Trout.

- Nice. - Anna whistled, looking it over. - That would be at least 36 lbs. The county record is 37 lbs.

- Don’t tell me, you have that memorized.

She shrugged with a smile.

- Up for the challenge? Who gets the biggest one?

She didn’t have to ask him twice.

When the sun finally set, deepening the darkness around them, they had thirteen fishes between them.

Jacob won by 2 oz.