Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Before

Bonnie hits play on the old CD player, settles in the middle of Stefan’s 1994 bed with the grimoire open in front of her, and closes her eyes. It’s the only room in the entire house Elena never stays long, apparently it’s the only place she can’t fully separate the best friend she has with the boyfriend she let go, lingering guilt for the way it was handled, and as much as Bonnie loves her she needs less distractions.

The CD must be Stefan’s, she found it in his room, a perfectly curated selection of gentle classical music. She can’t read music if you put it in front of her, but she doesn’t need to to hum along, to follow the ups and downs in her mind until it all inevitably clears. Her focus changes to her heartbeat, counting each beat until every second between numbers grows longer.

In the quiet of the house, Bonnie waits for her magic to claw its way back.

***

After

Bonnie’s barricaded herself in Ric’s office, herself and the floor covered in books and grimoires, when she gets the call. She leaves them all over the place, wondering briefly if Ric will be mad when he sees it, only to leave the mess, lock the door, and run off anyway. If he even cares, he’ll forgive her when he finds out why.

Waiting for an uber makes her wish she had her own car again, or that she knew where Ric had put the key to Damon’s. She bounces on her feet, checking her phone constantly for messages she knows she won’t even get yet, and when the car finally arrives she jumps in and barks out, “Whitmore Medical Centre,” before the poor guy has a chance.

It’s not all that far by car and the driver makes it even faster, whether because he senses her anxiety or because he just wants her gone, she doesn’t know or really care. But she does leave him a slightly more generous tip before running into the building.

They’re exactly where Stefan said they’d be on the phone, his arm wrapped around a red-eyed Caroline. He moves back, only enough for Bonnie to give her a proper hug, his fingers curled tight around the hem of her sweater.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know, we were hanging the Christmas lights in our dorm, Mom came back with hot chocolates and she just fainted,” Caroline says, pointing down the hall. “They’re running tests now.”

“Is Jo with her?”

Stefan shakes his head at the same time Caroline says, “Not as her doctor, but she promised to check in when she could.”

Bonnie pulls her back into a hug, grabbing Stefan by his shirt and pulling until he joins in properly. “She’ll be okay. She’s the sheriff of Mystic Falls, she’s the toughest person in the world.”

It makes Caroline chuckle and nod into her shoulder. “You’re right. I know. It was just a shock, that’s all. She’s fine. She’s gonna be fine. But if it’s okay with you both, I won’t go up to New York with you. I want to stay with Mom.”

“Of course,” Stefan says. “I’ll stay with you.”

Caroline pulls out of their hug. “No, Stefan. You should spend Christmas with your brother. He’s expecting you, they both are. I’ll be fine here, I’ll have Matt if I need anything.”

“They’ll understand. Besides,” Stefan adds, “Damon would kill me if I left here and couldn’t give him accurate updates about Liz. He wouldn’t expect you to do it. Although that depends on how much you wanna tell them.”

Bonnie understands the hesitation; true to her word, Elena’s been calling everyday since they left almost three weeks ago, whether for ten minutes or two hours, and everyday she says she’s fine, feeling better, everyday they ignore the bags under her eyes, the bloodshot whites, that Damon’s sending Stefan messages after particularly bad nightmares because he worries he’ll make it worse. They’ve been in the room with Stefan, sharing ideas and promising Damon he’s doing fine because he actually gets it more than the rest of them.

Some nights Bonnie wishes she’d let go of the Ascendant in time, that she’d stayed and faced the wrath of Kai with Elena, that her friend hadn’t gone through it alone. But she pushes the thoughts away; if she had, they’d likely still be in there. No one knew where they were or had any idea of how to get in until Bonnie got out. There’s a chance, given time, that Damon might have confessed what he was feeling and the connection to Elena would have gotten back to Jo, who could’ve helped, but it’s not a chance Bonnie likes to imagine. Kai’s inability to use Bonnie’s blood to get out was a major factor in getting the Parker siblings’ help in the first place. Elena was in there long enough; she can’t bear the thought of being stuck in there with a sociopath for Christmas. Or worse, alone.

Elena hasn’t been looking too good, but she’s still so much better than she was here. Worrying them now will only bring them back early, which wouldn’t help anyone, especially if it’s over nothing.

“They only need to know that Liz isn’t feeling well and you wanna look after her,” Bonnie says. “Let Damon focus on Elena, you two focus on Liz. If they need to know more, that’s up to you to tell them, Care.”

Bonnie leads her to a chair, takes her hand as they sit, Stefan taking the other, and together they wait.

***

Elena’s cry is lost in Damon’s mouth, giving into the feel of him inside her. They wrap themselves around each other until the nerves in their skin burn, too sensitive. Too much. Yet never enough. But Damon pulls out anyway and they move into comfortable positions on the too-small sofa, leaning into the wall for balance. They stay wrapped up in some way, a leg each tangled against the wall, Elena’s foot behind Damon’s back, Damon’s leg bent, knee at the perfect position for Elena to rest her chin on when she wants to take in the view. To draw patterns with her fingers when she doesn’t. Elena grabs the throw from the floor and drapes it over their middles, pulling her side up to cover her breasts.

They arrived in New York yesterday, the city all lit up with Christmas decorations. The partial view of the park is pretty, but Elena really only cares about the snow. It started this afternoon and has stayed more or less consistent, millions of tiny flakes that look white and soft from up here but will melt before they even reach the ground.

“Do you wanna play again?” Damon asks, his voice gentle and unhurried, almost sleepy. Elena traces her yes into his leg, then nods. Just in case. “Your question.”

The game started three nights ago, after a particularly bad nightmare led to a day and a half of getting drunk on blood, tequila, and weed. It started with a lazy round of truth or dare in a motel bed. It started innocently and horny enough - “what’s your current favourite position?”, “fuck me against the window.” - then, half asleep and coming down from the high, Elena had dared him to tell her a secret, something about his time with Augustine.

He’d kept the inner details vague last time, only telling her about Enzo, their escape plan, his revenge, turning off his humanity for the next fifty odd years, ignoring a couple of lapses.

She hadn’t actually expected him to answer; once it was out she’d regretted it and hoped that, by the sound of his unchanging, even breathing, he was actually asleep and hadn’t heard. Only he wasn’t and he had and after a while, he’d answered. “If I hadn’t’ve had to turn my humanity off to leave Enzo, I would’ve gone straight to Stefan. If I had gone straight to Stefan, maybe things would’ve been different between us sooner.”

He didn’t offer up anything else and she didn’t dare ask, not wanting to ruin the moment. Instead she told him about thanksgiving with Kai, then about her and Bonnie’s first week in the prison, figuring out their next steps and getting nosy about 1994 life. She didn’t dream that night.

It’s been the same every night since, sharing infinitesimal moments of darkness and countering it with something warm and bright. The second part is very important.

Elena traces their initials next, coating them with a heart. Damon grins, knowing exactly how that feels against his skin by now. There’s a question she wants to ask, something that’s come back to her time and again, but his smile stops her. Finding Enzo and actually stopping Augustine the second time around has helped him talk about it little by little, a chapter of his life finally, properly closed, no longer able to come back and haunt him. There are other closed chapters, too. About moments in his human life, even moments with Katherine. What she wants to ask is not like that yet and she can’t bear to make him lose that smile.

“Was Christmas good for you as a kid? You said once it was yours and Stefan’s favourite holiday.”

“It had its ups and downs,” he murmurs, watching the snow now, too. “Before he was born, it was mostly quiet at home. But in town they’d go all out and Dad would eat, drink, and be merry, then come home and pass out, so after presents Mom and I would make and eat cookies and tell stories and have quiet fun. After Stef was born and a little older, it was more fun overall. He and I would decorate the lounge and our rooms, though we’d be outside as often as possible, he fell in love with cooking and baking and wanted to make everything, which was great for me because I just wanted to eat it. Mom still told us stories. Dad would give us a small allowance, which we’d use for presents, but I’d secretly earn a little more to get extra for Mom and Stefan. And like I said, the town went all out and Dad was always there, so it was the only time we didn’t have to worry as much. We kept it up when Mom died, especially her stories. She was so good with them, though that wasn’t hard - anything in our imaginations was better than dealing with real life. You know, the rest of the year, she wasn’t even that good a parent. She could be terrible with her punishments, whether we deserved it or not. She was just never as bad as him. And she did love us, there was something about Christmas that allowed her to show it better.”

Elena kisses his knee and, despite his story, Damon’s grin grows. “I remember our first Christmas back home. Stefan came home and said Caroline had roped all the boys into Secret Santa, it was the first thing he’d really said to me that wasn’t hostile because he’d got Caroline and was actually freaking out about what to get her because he thought we had more important things to deal with, but he couldn’t tell her that because she didn’t know yet.”

“He got her a Mystic Falls snow globe keychain,” Elena remembers, laughing. “She was so annoyed when she showed us.”

“I told him not to,” Damon swears, hands up in surrender. “But he panicked.”

“Hey, she actually loves that snow globe, she put it on her keys that same night and it’s still there. She brings it up every year, but I know better than to believe she’s still mad about it.”

Damon snorts. “Yeah, because it was from Stefan, not because it was a good gift. I refer back to a certain nursery rhyme - Stefan and Caroline sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G.”

Elena nudges him with her foot, pressing her heel into his ribs until he laughs. “This is why no one will ever let you around children. You’ll teach them all the bad things.”

“Lies, I’m great with kids. Ten and under, piece of cake. Eleven to thirteen, hit and miss. It’s the older ones I hate. Fourteen plus, so hormonal and testy and annoying. Eww.”

“Your question,” she says, changing the subject.

Damon’s smile fades slowly, not wanting the moment to stop so quickly. Elena focuses on keeping her breathing in check, of knowing she’s safe and in the real world. His question is exactly what she expected.

“How did he hurt you?”

“Magically mostly, he’d syphon off me and experiment. Turning my blood and skin to acid, that was the worst. Thankfully he only did it twice. And it only really started on thanksgiving; before that he had to actually catch me.”

She mentally applauds herself for getting it out quickly and… devoid of so much emotion. Shame and rage and fear and sadness that creeps up when she least expects it are now settled low in her gut instead of wrapped around her heart. This is why she’s grown fond of the game; it’s a huge advantage, having this kind of heads up.

Damon’s hand is slow along her thigh, his fingers gentle, patient, waiting for her to go on without rushing her. Content to simply watch the snow for a while.

“You obviously guessed it was Caroline who got me and Bonnie into cheerleading. And I wasn’t lying that night you came to the house, I did love it once. We had so much fun.” Elena stretches her leg out and kicks up slowly, raising her leg straight into the air then resting her foot on Damon’s shoulder. “It helped that I can be very flexible.”

He turns his face into her calf, kissing along her skin, then pressing his blunt teeth over her femoral artery. Damon’s eyes change, red deepening, veins showing, fangs scratching.

A cellphone buzzes.

“Saved by the text message,” he whispers as Elena kicks off and vamp-speeds to the coffee table.

It’s Damon’s phone. Elena puts in his pin and reads the message. “It’s from Stefan. He and Caroline aren’t coming tomorrow. Liz isn’t well and Caroline wants to look after her, so Stefan’s gonna stay and look after them both. Looks like it’ll just be you, me, Bonnie, and Jeremy.”

Damon groans. “Bummer. Tell him to keep us updated.”

Stefan’s next message is quick. “He promises he will and he said that Caroline said to Skype them when we open presents so we can all do it together.”

She puts the phone back, pulls the throw off Damon’s lap, and grabs his hand. “Come on. Shower with me.”

***

“How’s the syphon search going?”

Despite asking, Stefan’s not focused on Bonnie, it’s on the window showing them into a room with Liz Forbes in a hospital bed, surrounded by doctors. They promised to keep watch while Caroline went to steal a blood bag, her hunger beginning to worry them. But only Stefan can hear them and the taut pull of his brow must mean it isn’t good.

“I haven’t found any mention of them in the grimoires yet, but I’ve asked my mom and Lucy if they’ve heard anything. Just waiting on them. What are they saying?”

Stefan presses his finger into the glass. “That doctor is from radiology. She’s talking about glioblastoma.”

“Glioblastoma? But that’s - ” Bonnie can’t bring herself to finish. She’s not entirely sure of everything that it is, but she knows enough. She knows it’s bad.

She knows it’s cancer.

“Are they talking about treatment options?”

“They’re not really saying anything right now.”

The doctor comes out of the room. Bonnie nudges Stefan her way, dropping her voice to a whisper. “Ask her, Stefan. Compel her. Please.”

By the time he gets to the doctor they’re too far away for Bonnie to hear. Stefan makes it quick, let’s the doctor go, and shakes his head.

Bonnie’s too afraid to ask what that means.

Chapter Text

Before

Elena wanders aimlessly along the road, waiting for the sun to set. She only likes coming at night, something about following it exactly just feels more real. But Bonnie needed her out of the house, so she’s a little early.

She imagines the night so clearly; slipping out, thinking she was so smart about pretending to sulk in her room and having Bonnie waiting for her down the road so they wouldn’t hear a car; Matt speaking his mind easier when drunk and the fight lasting so much longer than it should’ve done because she couldn’t tell the truth and was too afraid of their disappointment to call her parents earlier; pretending she was confused about her feelings and what she wanted purely because she was afraid of having it.

Damon. The mysterious stranger on the road.

He once told her compulsion was a handy little lie that only went so deep. That it may strip away or cover up the first handful of layers, but it could never fully change a person. It could never reach deep down into their soul. Magic always has a loophole. It can be broken, manipulated, and, as he later found out with Bill Forbes, defeated. Elena hadn’t truly understood what that meant until the memory came back. Damon hadn’t compelled her to want passion, adventure, and danger, he’d simply seen her and known what it was she could never put into words. After her parents died, she’d craved isolation, then safety, but as she’d healed it had all come back. The life she hoped to have one day. She had it with Stefan to an extent, she would never deny that. But ultimately he represented something else, something calmer despite some of the things they went through; he wasn’t who she’d imagined when she unknowingly quoted having a love that consumed her.

The sun finally disappears, first behind the trees and then completely, and Elena finishes the journey to their spot. Imagines Damon in front of her, only instead of surprise and the wrong name there’s joy and he whispers her real name like a prayer.

Elena lets her eyes drift shut and the rest of the memory plays as normal.

***

After

LaGuardia is already busy Christmas Eve. Bonnie and Jeremy’s flight gets in at eight in the morning. At two minutes past, Damon parks the rental car in the nearest street and Elena texts them where they’re waiting. He’d wanted to wait a little before leaving, take their morning a little slower, but Elena had insisted. Just in case. Her knees haven’t stopped bouncing since they got in the car. Even now, they jerk in seemingly random beats, her phone clasped tight in her hands and her eyes never leaving the window.

“Are you okay?”

To Damon’s surprise, she nods, answering immediately, though she doesn’t look at him. “I’m just excited.”

The radio is already turned down low, the station too upbeat for so early a Monday morning. Damon lowers it further, so their vampiric hearing can barely notice. “Do you wanna play while we wait?”

That gets Elena looking; they’ve never played this game out of bed, kept it safe and contained in their post-sex glow, where no one can hear and no one can judge. Him mostly. But they’re alone here, the car kinda like a bubble, and this funny, secret, little game they have makes Elena feel better, makes her feel in control, safe, able to keep the things she’s not ready to share with everyone else at bay. Damon would advertise every secret he has, tell the world all the sordid, sinful, shameful details, if it made him safe enough for her to confide in him.

She must agree. “Sure. Your question.”

“What did you think of me the first time you met me? Before you heard anything from others?”

Elena fights off a smile and loses for a moment, her mouth twisting into a pout when she sucks in her cheeks, holding it for a few seconds before gaining control and forcing her lips into a flatter line. “Which one? The real time on the road or the fake time at your house? They’re very different, you know?”

Well, they should be; he was very different during them. “Both.”

“On the road that night, I thought you were nervous, trying to be cocky to hide it, but also perceptive. You saw right through me. It was very… hot.” She lets her control slip again and laughs a little. “Of course, when I got the memory back and I already knew you better, I realised you were actually freaking out because I looked exactly like Katherine, who you’d come to save, and it threw you so much you were struggling to hide behind your usual snarky exterior while trying to find out more about me.”

“And I’m the perceptive one?”

“I figured you out, Damon. You let things slip that I could hold onto and get past. But you saw me from the beginning. You knew exactly what I wanted. I was the nervous one the second time; you’d obviously prepared to meet me again and you were being cocky and flirty and I’d already met Stefan, so I wasn’t sure what to do with it. But I wasn’t afraid, not either time. Not until I found out what you were and put together the ‘animal attacks’. Clearly it didn’t last very long. Where did you go after that night on the road? Why didn’t anyone see you again until September?”

“That’s two questions and you need to include the happy bit first.”

“Technically you also asked two questions and my answer did include the happy bits. You asked a very easy question.”

Her phone vibrates, giving Damon a chance to watch her while he prepares his answer. He’s going to tell her the truth, that’s the whole point of the game, it’s just… how much of it. Then again, it’s not like it’s the worst thing he’s ever done. The problem is more that it’s embarrassing. Her smile grows as she reads the text. “They’re out of the airport and on their way. So you best be quick, unless you wanna tell me tonight instead.”

“I compelled you to forget and ran, I got in my car, I found a bar a hundred miles away and got so blind drunk for the next three days I don’t remember most of it. I was very confused. You were just flirting with me, but the way you looked at me, there was something about it I couldn’t shake. It was only later, when we found out she wasn’t in the tomb, when you hugged me, that I realised what it was.” Elena leans against the window, the bounce of her knees gone, her phone resting on the dashboard, the very same look in her eyes that he never quite knows how to describe, that he still never quite understands why it’s directed at him. “Katherine never looked at me the way you do, the way you did even then, not even when she was telling me she loved me. It was a lot to take in. The plan I had, it wasn’t ready, so I stayed away a little while longer. Until I was back in control and found out Stefan was going back to high school for you. Being mad at him made everything easier to handle, it stopped all the other stuff from trying to break free. I didn’t even know about your parents until I got back. Anyway it was a weird few months.”

“Did you ever meet them? My parents?”

“No. Met Liz once, at the eclipse party, but I made her forget and she left early.”

“They didn’t go to the eclipse party?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t remember why. Stefan might.”

He expects her to ask about Liz and why he made her forget, his vaguest answer at the ready. Instead she takes his hand and turns back to the window, readying to spot Bonnie and Jeremy. “Speaking of Stefan, has he said any more about Liz and Caroline?”

“He texted this morning, Liz is the same as yesterday, Caroline’s in total control mode.”

“They say what’s up with her?”

“Just said not well,” he replies with a shrug. “I see them.”

Giggling, Elena jumps out of the car and rushes over, pulling her best friend and brother into a group hug. Damon starts the car and waits, Jeremy already pushing the girls closer. They have a busy three days ahead of them, before Jeremy and Bonnie go back home and they go on their next adventure; they’re not gonna waste any time hugging in a random street.

As soon as they’re in the car, Bonnie leans over, plugging in her phone, turning up the volume, and filling the car with Christmas music. “So what’s the plan?”

Damon puts the car in drive and speeds off. “Hotel, get settled, then Christmas shopping?” Elena nods. “Yeah, Christmas shopping.”

“Are you behind or is it just random, normal shopping that happens to be at Christmas?” Jeremy asks, his forehead creased.

“The second one,” Elena says, laughing. “Why, Jer? Are you behind?”

“Course not,” her brother says, a little too quickly.

Damon drowns out the rest of Bonnie and Elena’s questions, not needing a play-by-play of everything they’ve all done over the last three weeks when he’s either already lived through it or already listened to them share on the phone. He catches Jeremy’s eye roll in the mirror and holds in a snort. Christmas Eve traffic, even this early, makes the ride back to the hotel almost twice as long as it should be, but between the Christmas music sing-along and Elena never letting go of his hand, it’s not so boring. Damon’s still glad when he can park the car and get out, glad to have no need of it for another three days as well. He hates driving in New York City, always good to avoid it whenever possible. Bonnie and Jer only have a suitcase each; depending on the time of their flight home, maybe he can persuade Elena to take the subway that day.

Damon makes their check-in quick; they’re sharing the suite and Damon paid and sorted it, so technically they don’t need to do anything, but they want the extra keycard in case they split into pairs at any point. Then he leads them to the elevator and their suite. Bonnie gasps once inside, eyes drawn to the intricate ceiling, the space, the staircase. Even Jeremy looks impressed. “Dude, how rich are you?”

Damon sinks into the couch. “You want the simple answer or the long answer?”

“Obscenely is the simple answer,” Elena provides anyway.

“The long answer then,” Jeremy replies, chuckling like he’s joking. “I mean, obviously the Salvatores were the one of the two richest families when you founded Mystic Falls, so I assume it just accumulated over time. But still. It’s a lot.”

Damon leans back further, getting comfortable. “Yes and no. I guess you could call us old money, back when my grandparents came to America from Italy with my father and his sisters. When the families came to Mystic Falls later, they basically assigned themselves roles - the Forbeses got law enforcement, the Lockwoods got the mayor job, the Salvatores got lumber and real estate. We were ready to make even more money by the time others moved in and they officially named and ‘founded’ the town. When Stef, our father, and I died, the only one with a legal claim to be heir was our half brother, Daniel. He was three years old and the only half sibling we knew about and claimed as family beforehand. Because he was so young, the Council were hoping to control more of what we had and make sure the ‘history’ was properly told. What they didn’t know was that I went to Daniel’s mother before I left town, I made sure she knew everything, how to handle the finances and the estate and all of it, made sure she could always get in touch with me, and basically ran everything from behind the scenes while she helped with what the town and Council needed to see and let Daniel be a kid as long as possible before he took over. It stayed that way over the generations; I expanded, mostly sticking with lumber and real estate in the beginning, I made most of the investments, I put it all into the family’s accounts so it was legit, and it legally went to the human heirs as normal. They did their own stuff, too, adding more. Now most of it runs on its own or with a select number of people, passing their roles down through their families, or through tenants, so I get to reap the benefits of a mostly passive income. Cool, huh? Anyway, you two have the room upstairs.”

“You know, I did always wonder how your human relatives always knew about you and Stefan and why they kept your secret as founding family members in a vampire-hating town,” Bonnie muses.

“Well, between Stef and I ruining the family’s reputation by dying to save a vampire then Stef killing Dad, plus getting to Daniel and his mother first, the Council didn’t really trust the Salvatores for a long time, they just liked our money,” Damon admits. “And most of the family, despite hating vampires, was fine with that because they also reaped the benefits of my business sense, which is hilarious considering Dad once said I’d amount to nothing. Stefan was supposed to take over the business, you know? But an eternally seventeen year old blood junkie doesn’t really mix with good business. He didn’t join in until later.”

Jeremy whistles low, taking it all in. “Your family history is weird. So who legally gets it since Zach’s gone and Sarah’s not legally family?”

“Right now, as Zach’s ‘nephews’, it’s all mine and Stefan’s,” Damon says. “Assuming Sarah never comes looking or doesn’t want it, there are three possible options for the future. One, through Devine intervention and/or magic, I knock up your sister.” He swings his legs sideways before Elena can kick him. “Two, we adopt. Wouldn’t that be fun? Three, and most likely, it goes to my first non-blood related niece or nephew. Best get on it, Little Gilbert. Your kids would have the stronger claim. Otherwise, I suppose it could be Ric and Jo’s kid; given how quickly he started calling her his girlfriend, I imagine they’ll talk about that soon enough.”

Bonnie nudges Jeremy’s shoulder. “Do you regret asking?”

“I do,” he says, taking her hand and leading the way up the stairs.

Damon waits for them to leave his eye line before chuckling. “That was fun.”

Elena rolls her eyes. “Yeah, if you wanna call traumatising my little brother fun.”

“Yeah, I do. That’s why I said it.”

This time he lets her kick him.

***

After their Christmas guests are settled and they’ve spent a nice, slow hour wandering down Fifth Avenue, they split off into pairs, which Damon would be fine with except Elena drags Bonnie away, claiming a need for girl time, and he’s left outside Saks with a decidedly less disgruntled Little Gilbert. It never bodes well when Jeremy willingly agrees to hang out with him.

Jeremy claps him on the shoulder. “So where to first?”

Oh, it’s gonna be a long couple of hours until lunch.

Damon points, continuing down the street with a half-baked notion of ignoring Jeremy and whatever small talk he decides is worth filling the space between them. Then Jeremy actually speaks and Damon decides, what the hell, it’s Christmas.

“Elena said once you spent a lot of time here? Do you, like, know all the cool supernatural hangouts?”

“If I did, we wouldn’t be going to any of them.” Jeremy frowns, as though the thought never even crossed his mind. Perhaps it didn’t, but he’s gotten a lot better in some areas at not being so obvious a liar, so it’s hard to tell. Though, since Damon won’t be pointing any out, it’s not like Elena can be mad. “They’re spread out all over the city. Some are species only - you know, just vampires, just witches. Some are supernatural only - no humans allowed. They’re your quieter social places, coffee shops and the like. Places you can go and not have to worry about blending in. But most, your clubs and shops and whatnot, they mingle.”

“Yeah, Elena mentioned a Billy’s.”

“Oh, yeah?” Damon scoffs. “What’d she say?”

“You took her when her humanity was off, you drank, you told stories, Rebekah snapped your neck on the roof. She wanted to share a little about how she felt with me dead after I told her I wasn’t gone, that I was keeping an eye on her. So where we going?”

Damon opens the door to a cosmetics store, ignoring Jeremy’s snort. “You mock, but Elena dropped a couple hints about being low on a thing or two and, believe it or not, I am a good boyfriend who listens to said hints.”

“I thought you were done with your Christmas shopping?” Jeremy asks, but he steps in, too, and makes a beeline for one of the counters.

“See, you’re learning. And I have finished,” Damon adds. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t spoil her a little more. Especially after everything she’s been through. And she dropped the hints this morning, so she knows that.”

He walks off in the opposite direction, eyes focused on finding the cleanser’s specific name. From the corner of his eye, he watches Jeremy search through different makeup brands. He probably doesn’t even know what he’s looking for, but that’s not Damon’s problem. Damon finds what he needs a few minutes later and waits outside after paying. Jeremy doesn’t take much longer, following Damon back up Fifth Avenue and then along Rockefeller Centre. He finds a space to sit in the plaza; it’s barely been half an hour, the girls will still be in the department store, but he doesn’t mind sitting for a while. Watching the ice skaters. Maybe he’ll have figured out lunch by then.

As long as Jeremy doesn’t bug him.

Except right now Little Gilbert’s surprisingly quiet, sitting across from him with a ridiculously maudlin expression for Christmas Eve. Damon can’t ask, though. No way. Opens up too many wrong assumptions about their relationship.

Sadly, Jeremy doesn’t get the memo. “I’m worried Bonnie and I are gonna break up.”

“Oh, God. Why are you talking? Every time words come out of your mouth, I regret being around you. Why am I the one always around you when you share these things?”

Jeremy, already on the other side of the table, pushes his chair a little further back. “It was my idea for girl time. I need advice.”

The laugh escapes without meaning to, because there’s nothing remotely funny about it. It ends with a scoff, Damon wishing he’d brought a drink. He wasn’t going to touch a drop until they went out tonight and the plan for tonight was to slow down; they’ve partied a little too hard the last few weeks and Elena wants them present for family for Christmas. It needs rethinking. “Jer, if you want advice you should’ve stayed home with Stefan.”

“Stefan is good for the more emotional stuff, I don’t need that,” Jeremy says, shaking his head. “I need practical advice.”

“Again, Stefan. Or Ric. But I can provide sarcastic comments. A quip or two.” Jeremy slouches in his chair, clearly - and properly - remembering who he’s talking to. Then again, it is Christmas. He sighs. “Do you want to break up?”

“No.” His answer is immediate, Damon gives him props for that. Then he faces Damon properly and Damon sees the hesitation in his eyes. “I don’t want to break up, but things have been different since she got out. Not her, me. She lied to me for days, said goodbye on the phone, and I had to mourn her for four months. Then she came back. We tried to talk about things, I thought we had because I’m not mad anymore. But sometimes I just get so sad because of what happened. I try to hide it, but I’m worried she’s noticed. Things have been off. I understand why she did it, I don’t blame her, really, I just don’t know how to get past it yet and she might dump me before I get there.”

“Have you tried this revolutionary new idea called talking to her? Saying, you know, that?”

“Funny. And yes,” Jeremy says, leaning in now. Accepting whatever this is between them. It makes Damon itchy. “But we did talk, a few times in the days since she got back. I thought we’d got everything out. I thought we were okay. But sometimes something pops into my head or something I see or do or we say triggers something and it gets awkward. I don’t want her to think I was hiding things, lying about everything to go back to normal, because I wasn’t. At least, I don’t think I was. Maybe subconsciously.”

It’s stupidly pathetic how oblivious Jeremy is about Bonnie’s trust in him, how much he’s worried about coming off as a liar when she’s already forgiven him for his ghostly affair with Anna and didn’t even try to interfere with his deal with Liv because he already has everything he’s afraid he lost the first time. And it’s dangerous how close he is to losing it for the second, perhaps final, time due to it. “Jeremy, apart from me and Elena, no one will probably get it more than Bonnie. And apart from Elena, no one listens more than Bonnie. Besides if things are off, she probably already knows. So just talk to her, preferably quickly, because I will not be put in the middle of things and I will tell your sister. But in the spirit of Christmas, I’ll wait till you leave.”

Jeremy, wisely picking his battles, nods.

Chapter Text

Before

The eclipse comes and goes once more. Bonnie’s sick of it. She kicks off on an old skateboard as it starts and is almost to the town square when it ends, just in time to throw away the now empty bag of candy she’d eaten through.

The skateboard is tiny, with a pink rim and wheels. She remembers begging her dad for one when she was six, because everyone else seemed to have one. She got rid of it by the time she was seven. It had been bigger than this one obviously; she’s not sure who this board belonged to, she found it in a random front yard. Elena grabbed a bicycle the other day, from the backyard opposite her old house. They were both gone when Bonnie woke this morning. They’ve created a habit, to get them both out of the house, to keep the walls from closing in. Elena makes breakfast at her own insistence, they fend for themselves for lunch if they’re out separately otherwise Bonnie will sort it, they alternate dinner. They shop twice a week, one big, one small. They make sure to enjoy their evenings as much as possible, junk food and movie nights or games or talking. And drinks. Copious amounts of the Salvatore wine cellar’s best.

There’s not much else to do. They can’t get out until Bonnie’s magic returns and so far it hasn’t. Not even a little.

Bonnie doesn’t want Elena to see the moment she loses hope.

***

After

“I’m not dead yet, you know.”

Her mom attempts to laugh, but Caroline shuts it down with a look. Now is not the time. It’s a gateway to a conversation they need to have and she’s not ready for it yet. Her mom turns to Stefan, but he’s smart enough not to mess with Caroline and shakes his head once, quickly, without prompting, leaving her mom to sigh and allow them to shuffle her into the apartment. Caroline helps her settle into Alaric’s spare room, already fitted with a new comforter and fresh sheets. Once she’s tucked in, Caroline finally smiles. It doesn’t quite reach her eyes, but only Stefan seems to notice, gracing her with one of his own before sorting the bags. They’re only staying until the 26th, they can’t take over the apartment indefinitely despite Jo’s assurances about being okay with Ric staying at her place until they break the barrier spell around Mystic Falls. Even if Caroline wanted to, her mom put her foot down about going home and being normal and Caroline can’t bring herself to fight with her. Not now, during their favourite time of year.

Stefan comes back with the TV and makes quick work of setting it up. Caroline holds up the first selection of DVDs. “So what first? Miracle on 34th Street? The Holiday? Home Alone?”

“Honey, this really isn’t necessary.”

“Yes, it is,” Caroline interrupts. “It’s Christmas Eve and we’re gonna have a nice, quiet, fun night in. Aren’t we, Stefan?”

“Absolutely. I’ll get the hot chocolates and popcorn. Two minutes. And I vote for Home Alone.”

“The Holiday it is,” Caroline announces, her growing grin teasing lines around her eyes when Stefan snorts from the kitchen. It freezes when she notices her mom watching. “What?”

“Nothing. Get the film ready.”

Stefan hands over their mugs and comes back with both his own and the bowl of popcorn, settling on the other side of the bed while Caroline takes over the middle by the time she’s ready to press play. It escapes no one’s notice when the opening titles for Home Alone appear.

But no one says anything.

***

The panic builds, boiling in the pit of her stomach and rising up until the scream escapes her lungs. It forces her up, only to be blocked before she can run. Cool lips and even cooler breath ghosts along her ear, a soft shushing motion slipping in between the beats of her heart. He does it until Elena realises where she is and who she’s with, the plain grey walls turning to patterned wallpaper and fancy decor, the endless quiet giving way to the sounds of the city.

Elena falls back into Damon’s arm, face buried in the crook of his elbow, and pulls his other arm tighter against her chest. He just holds her, breathing with her until hers evens out, keeping in sync, deep and slow. It had been a fun few days while it lasted.

Damon pulls his hand free and places it over hers, interlocks their fingers, and brings them around, pressing her palm between them, into his stomach hard. He doesn’t even wait for her to ask. “They took pieces of me out almost everyday, watched my body knit itself back together, put what they took out under microscopes and found out that even in bits the cells replicated, trying to heal itself before finally dying. Didn’t have the decency to provide anaesthetic. What was a little pain? We were monsters anyway. Almost every day for two thousand and twenty-nine days. Could have been two hundred and five days, the pain will still be the same.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, leaving kisses on his skin.

“For what?”

“Knowing the exact number of days for both of us.”

“I’ll admit it’s a sad and useless skill to have.” He moves their hands back around, this time running their joined fingers over his tattoo. “I got this when I first tried to turn my emotions back on and the nightmares restarted, so when I looked down I’d know where I was, that I was away, safe. Here and now, not back there.”

Elena traces the letters over and over, with her nail, with her tongue, with Damon’s nose in her hair and his mouth on her neck.

“We were back in the school.” The pause of his lips barely lasts a second, enough to know he’s listening and can pretend not to if she wants. It allows her to keep going. “He got to us in the geography classroom, you told me to run, made me promise. But I couldn’t move. The things he did to you.”

“But he didn’t.” Damon squeezes her gently against him. “Remember that. Tell yourself: you’re out, he’s not. I’m here with you, he never will be. Here and now, baby, we’re safe. You’re safe.”

Safe. She nods into his arm. Maybe if she keeps going, she might one day believe it.

She places her arm next to his. “Maybe I will get the same. We can match - his and hers trauma tattoos. How did you get it? Wouldn’t it have healed?”

“Magic. My tattooist was a witch, she went over it a few times as well to make sure and it healed pretty much the same as a human’s would, just quicker.” He leaves a gentle kiss against her forehead. “There’s still a few hours until sunrise. You wanna go for a walk or back to sleep?”

A walk sounds wonderful, but here and now, wrapped up in Damon’s arms, a cocoon of limbs and blankets, warm and soft and as safe as her brain will allow, sounds infinitely better. “Sleep for now, I think. We’ll see how it goes.”

***

Damon wakes alone, the voices of the girls carrying through from the lounge. He listens a little longer, them debating having a second helping of breakfast if “the boys don’t wake up soon.” He considers it his cue and throws off the sheets, grabbing the pair of pyjama pants Elena had removed some time between bedtime makeout sessions and pulling them back on. He pours himself a cup of coffee and comes up behind her, kissing her forehead and wishing them both a Merry Christmas, before joining her on the plush chair, gesturing for her to open up. Rolling her eyes, Elena untucks one leg from beneath the other and lets it drop. Damon sits between her legs, leaning against her, his head on her shoulder and body twisted to rest his legs on the chair’s arm.

Bonnie snorts. “You two are nauseating to watch.”

“Close your eyes then.”

Elena presses a series of ridiculously loud kisses on Damon’s cheek. “JEREMY!” Bonnie yells to the ceiling.

“Spoilsport,” Elena pouts, then dissolves into giggles. “So when we starting this video call? ‘Cause Enzo texted you while you were asleep and I said I’d let him know. Also he got all the gifts. Sounded quite surprised by it.”

“I know he did it for Damon, but he still helped save you. Why would we leave him out?” Bonnie asks with a shrug. It feels like a rhetorical question; they all turn to the stairs when Jeremy comes down, Bonnie not expecting an answer. So Damon doesn’t.

Instead he holds out a hand when Jeremy reaches for a plate. “Be a pal, Jer.”

Jeremy drops the plate in his palm a little harder than is really necessary, the pancake stack sliding precariously around, and takes the last plate for himself. He pours himself a generous serving of syrup, then gestures to the bottle. “Would you like syrup with that, friend?”

Damon balances the plate on his legs, picks up a pancake, and bites into it dry. “No, thanks.”

“Now now, boys,” Bonnie faux-soothes. “It’s Christmas. If we’re ready for present opening, I’ll text Caroline now.”

Ten minutes later, the breakfast tray is by the door, the coffee table cleaned and moved to the wall by the tree so the laptop provides the best view of them, and they’re sat in an accidental semi-circle, watching Liz and Ric make coffee in the background while Caroline’s voice bounces around, ordering people to sit. They do not all fit in Ric’s apartment, just as Damon predicted when the arrangement was brought up yesterday and his question about using the common room was ignored, so that’s for them to figure out.

Caroline moves between Liv, Matt, and Tyler like they’re an agility course and ducks down to show her face. “We all ready?”

“Just waiting on Enzo,” Damon replies.

“He got the laptop then?” Ric asks, his voice clearer the closer he gets. “That’s nice.”

It is. Enzo had been fifty/fifty on actually joining in, Christmas had never been a huge part of his life, having no family and going from workhouse to the streets to vampire to Augustine. But Damon had asked nicely; apparently so had Caroline. And he was getting gifts anyway, he’d even sent some back; he might as well open them with everyone.

Finally the second window pops up, revealing very little, and yet surprisingly a lot. Part of an armchair, a bit of wall and what looks like the bow on top of a present, and Enzo’s jean-clad ass. The fit’s tight, showing off a nicely shaped outline. Someone - probably Luke - whistles.

Caroline covers her eyes. “Sit down, Enzo. My mother’s here.”

“I doubt she minds,” he says. His shirt rides upwards, giving everyone a good look at the thin lines of muscle in his lower back that consumption hadn’t taken from him. Clearly trying to reach something. “Aha.” He turns around and sits, revealing a fancy bottle of single malt. “Thought it could hide from me, but nope.”

“Where are you?”

“A B&B in Surrey.”

Damon frowns. “I thought you were in Portsmouth.”

“I was.” Enzo grins, drinking straight from the bottle. “I made a few friends. After this, we’re going to a party in London. So let’s get this show on the road, shall we?”

Caroline controls the order; no one else cares enough to mind. She has Liz go first, turning the laptop’s camera so everyone can see her open a decently sized, thin parcel that turns out to be a framed collage of photographs, all of them featuring both Liz and Caroline, from her birth to now. Neither say anything, just hold each other tightly for a moment, then Caroline turns the camera to Stefan. He also opens his gift from Caroline - a new journal, his name engraved on the front and the year 2013 on the spine.

“Thank you,” he says softly, and the camera moves again, working through Ric’s apartment with a present each before Caroline tells Enzo to go, then Bonnie and their group. Damon goes last and they start again, following the same pattern until every present has been opened, people thanked and hugged more time than should really be necessary.

“Last one, Damon,” Bonnie says, chucking it over.

Elena presses her fingers together, biting her lip and smiling. Intrigued, Damon rips into it until a small box falls into his lap. Opening the box leads to a snow globe keychain, only instead of Mystic Falls it says NYC and inside is a picture of the two of them, a candid someone had taken of them mid-kiss on the ice rink the other day. He holds it up for everyone to see, though only Bonnie, Caroline, and Stefan get the joke. Well, only half of it really.

“When did you even have time to get this?”

Elena shrugs, her face claiming innocence. “I have my ways.”

He leans in. “Thank you, I love it.”

“You’re welcome,” she whispers, accepting the kiss. “So what’s everyone else’s plans for today?”

***

Damon’s still propped up in bed, sheets barely covering his waist, watching Elena watching him through the vanity table’s mirror. Bonnie and Jeremy got ready and were out of the hotel before lunchtime, a romantic Christmas date planned, and they took full advantage of the free time. Now they have an hour before they have to meet them and Elena’s showered, blow dried and curled her hair, and set out her dress, ready for when she’s finished her make up. Except Damon keeps distracting her, looking at her like nothing else exists instead of getting ready.

“Will you go shower please?” she asks between the giggles she gives into.

“I have time,” he says, not budging. Instead he spins the snow globe keychain around his finger, eyes darting between the brush she smoothes along her cheek and the curve of her lips when she catches him. “Have you had a nice Christmas so far?”

“Best one in a long time, thank you.”

“No problem. Now what will make the rest of the day go perfectly?”

“You,” she says, drawing out the word like a kiss, “getting in the shower.”

Damon scoffs, but does as he’s told. By the time he’s out, Elena’s finished with her makeup and she’s fastening her shoes, her dress falling from her shoulders. He stops by the bed, his clothes laid out for him, and Elena vamp-speeds forward, standing with her back to him, holding her hair over one shoulder, before he’s had a chance to drop his towel. “Zip up my dress for me?”

“With pleasure.” Damon’s hands are warm on her back, still damp from his shower. He leans in, not quite letting them touch and slowly moves the zip up. Her heels make her about an inch taller than him, barely enough for others to notice, but it puts his mouth perfectly in line with her ear. He places the gentlest of kisses behind her lobe, then sucks harder, knowing it’ll heal by the time he’s let go. Elena fights not to drop her head back, to give him more access, to end up to right back in bed. Damon moves her hair back in place, the waves dancing along her shoulders and down her back. “All done,” he whispers at last.

“Thank you.”

He dresses quickly after that, swapping the towel for a pair of boxer briefs and new trousers, fastening up his new white shirt while Elena clips in the hoop earrings he got her for Christmas, done and ready to help her with the matching bracelet before finishing his outfit with his familiar boots and black denim jacket, toeing the line between smart and casual. Well, as casual as Damon ever gets anyway.

“You ready to go?” he asks, elbow out for her to take his arm.

She holds her clutch with one hand and takes his arm gladly with her other. “Yep.”

Elena lets him lead the way, content just to follow. Once outside they only have to wait for a moment, Bonnie and Jeremy coming out of Central Park and crossing the road to them. Bonnie looks her up and down appraisingly; the dress is also new, simple and black with a barely-frilled trim of tiny red roses along the bottom. “Very nice, but people are gonna think you’re freezing.”

“That’s what Damon’s jacket is for,” she replies with a shrug.

They walk the few blocks down, Bonnie sharing her favourite moments of her and Jeremy’s date while Elena and Damon stay quiet about theirs, which tells them exactly what they did. They pause only to enter the restaurant and for Damn to give his name for the reservation, then Bonnie moves on to describing the carriage ride around the park, drinking hot chocolate and reminiscing. Her worries from yesterday seem to have faded, strong enough at the time that Elena had noticed despite her best friend trying to keep it all in to help her; Elena can’t help but smile through it all. Hopefully they won’t come back, but now that her Christmas priority, her last surprise for Damon, is ready, Bonnie has no excuse should she want to talk. Elena’s sick of her own problems; she’d rather listen to someone else.

It’d be nice to be the one doing the helping.

When their drinks come, Elena raises hers to toast. “Merry Christmas, to an almost perfect day.”

Jeremy raises a brow. “Almost perfect?”

“We just needed everyone we love with us physically. This time next year, we’ll all be together in one room. I will make sure of it.”

They clink their glasses together and Damon is the first to open a menu.

***

“So did your mom know anything? Did Lucy?”

Bonnie finishes her chicken, chewing slowly. She forgave Damon for turning Abby a while ago, partly because her mom adjusted amazingly well, even finding peace with it, partly for Elena. Mostly for herself. It’s exhausting holding onto resentment and revenge, especially when there’s not much you can do about it. At some point in the prison world, after one of her and Elena’s many talks, she’d found she’d let it go.

Still, hearing him speak so casually about her. Sometimes it’s a little jarring.

“Yeah. She told me about this family she used to know in North Carolina. The Wallaces. One of the daughters, Sienna, could only siphon magic. They made her talismans and such so she could practice with her siblings, made sure she was treated exactly the same. Of course, she wasn’t a sociopath, so.”

“If your mom knew this family already, why’d she take so long to tell you about them?” Damon asks next.

“Wasn’t?” Jeremy tacks on at the end.

“They spread out, specifically Sienna and two of her siblings moved,” Bonnie replies, pausing to finish her beer. “Mom hoped to find her first, talked to their parents, but they don’t trust vampires so didn’t tell her where their daughter moved to or what her married name is. But they’ve likely told Sienna, hopefully she’ll be curious enough to reach out, apparently she liked Abby. In the meantime Mom will keep looking. Apart from a ‘Merry Christmas’ message this morning, Lucy hasn’t got back to me.”

“Hopefully Sienna will get in touch and it won’t matter,” Elena says. “We’ll soon have our home back.”

Bonnie nods. “It’s not exactly the Christmas present I was hoping for, but we’re a lot closer than we were. It’s good enough. I’ve still been looking, in case there’s a spell similar to siphoning. Just in case.”

“No luck?” Elena asks.

“Sort of,” Bonnie says, torn between a smile and a frown. “There is one in a grimoire the Martins had, but it’s on a much smaller scale, basically another way of releasing magic from a talisman. I’d need to change it quite a bit so it’d actually work for a whole town, maybe use Stefan and Caroline as conduits so I’m strong enough. Even then there’s no guarantee. I’d rather find a better one, or have the help of someone like Sienna.”

“What about other witches?” Damon asks. “Can’t you band together, siphon a bit at a time?”

“That’d take forever,” Bonnie admits. “Plus I don’t know enough witches. All the ones I knew were on the other side. I did get the word out a few weeks ago, when Caroline was half serious about Kai and I got the idea for finding another siphoner, but… erm… the ones who replied admitted they didn’t like what the travellers had tried to do, but would rather leave it contained to the one town than let vampires go back home. They’d all heard of Mystic Falls, they felt it was… better this way.”

Damon snorts over his beer glass, downing the last of it. “Course they did, as judgy as ever.”

Chapter Text

Before

They do their best to rid themselves of silence. Music plays, the TV stays, they talk themselves hoarse. Every little bit helps avoid facing the fact they’re alone.

They lie on the floor, too hot by the fire, by the liquor in their veins, but tangle their legs and arms together all the same. Elena breathes in the cherry gin on Bonnie’s lips and the sweat on her skin, embracing the smaller moments of reality. Not where they are or how they’re stuck, but being alive and together and working to get home.

“When did you know you loved him?”

It’s been easier since their talk on his birthday, sharing the quieter parts of her relationship with Damon Salvatore. Bonnie never asks the normal questions in these moments, the ones they can make jokes out of, the ones Elena can’t reciprocate because that’d mean dirty innuendos about her little brother, which is apparently half the fun for her. Sometimes they’re big and sometimes they’re small, but all of them are intimate in ways that make Elena’s heart flutter rather than race. Cheeks blushed pink but not stained red, and less embarrassing every time. It seems to help; Elena knows better than to hope sharing the kinder parts of Damon will erase every bit of bad, her friends may always be wary of him, the trust they have easy to break if even puts a toe out of line, because even if they see what she and Stefan see, they’ll never love him like they do, but it’s a worthy distraction. Elena gets to reminisce and Bonnie gets to think of something other than her magic. If she understands, even better.

Hopefully she won’t judge this like she hasn’t judged everything else.

“It was my birthday,” she starts, unable to work her voice into more than a whisper. “Damon and I had spent the entire summer looking for Stefan and I was trying to put on a good face because Caroline was throwing that party for me, but I was just so sad.”

She sees it so clearly in her mind, standing in front of the mirror in Stefan’s bedroom, almost completely the same now as it will be in sixteen years. She sees herself smooth out her dress and catch movement in the corner of the glass.

“I was two seconds from deciding that I wasn’t going to go, I wasn’t going to leave the room. Until Damon walked in to gave me my birthday gift. It was the necklace that Stefan had given to me, I’d lost it.” Her fingers graze the middle of her neck, where it used to sit. So long ago. “And Damon knew what it meant to me. He gave me the one thing that represented hope for me and his brother. I knew how much it hurt him. He did it anyway.”

She feels him try not press into her back, careful to stay away from her skin as he puts the necklace on her. The weight of it on her chest is as much a comfort now as it was then. “It was the most selfless he’s ever been and in that moment… I loved him. I didn’t want to, it terrified me, but for that moment I loved him.”

Bonnie is quiet for a while, her breathing slow and even, her eyes closed, and Elena settles in, ready to sleep with her. “I wonder when he knew he loved you. Did he ever tell you?” she asks, not ready to sleep after all. “Was it the Miss Mystic Falls dance? I bet it was.”

“Actually it was after,” Elena admits, enjoying the surprise on her friend’s face. “He said it hit him as he was threatening Isobel. That’s how she saw it so quickly and knew she could use it to get the device. He said there were so many little moments that led up to it and he’d tried to fight it, but in that specific moment he knew he’d failed because he knew he loved me. I didn’t tell him about my moment, didn’t want him to be sad. He did not take his as well as I did.”

“Does he ever? He’s so emotional.”

“He’s passionate.”

“He’s reckless.”

“He’s proactive.”

“He’s stupid.”

“Yeah.” Elena gives in with a happy sigh. “But he’s mine.”

***

After

The drive goes by in silence. Both know exactly what to say; Caroline can tell by the way her mother watches her, by the way she turns back to the road, mouth in a hard line, not saying a word. But they got through Christmas and there’s not much time left.

The town sign comes into view and her mom stops the car. Behind them, Stefan stops his bike, far enough away that he won’t be able to hear them. He’s only come to take Caroline back to college, he didn’t want to leave her alone. She can’t help but love him just that little bit more.

It’s kind of annoying. Part of her doesn’t want it to stop.

“Caroline. Honey, look at me.” She takes her time with it, letting the seconds drag before facing her mother. Before the time officially runs out. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Her mom moves for her hand, Caroline’s immediately meeting in the middle. They hold on tight to each other, hers strong and sure, Caroline’s numb and shaking. “You were just so worried about Elena, I wanted us to get through this without worrying you further, then I wanted us to enjoy Christmas. I was scared,” she admits.

“We’ll find something, you know. We’ll save you. Vampire blood - ”

“Shh, Caroline. Not today, not now. Let me do this my way, have faith in the doctors like I do.”

“But - ”

Her mom shushes her again, her voice gentle but firm, and Caroline’s words die on her lips, though not in her mind. But they’ve said there’s nothing they can do.

“Now go, honey. Enjoy the rest of the holiday with your friends, I have to get to work.”

“Okay,” she says, because that’s all there is left to say. She kisses her mom’s cheek and steps out of the car. Stefan is by her side the moment the car’s out of sight, arms open. Caroline steps in gratefully, holding him as hard as he holds her, and cries for as long as he’ll let her.

***

Bonnie and Jeremy leave on the afternoon of the 27th, their suitcases a little heavier - the presents they’d brought swapped for their own, with the added weight of Stefan and Caroline’s from Elena and Damon, ones they hadn’t shipped because they were meant to join, plus a few souvenirs.

As soon as they pass through security, their goodbyes still lingering, something shifts in Elena’s eyes and the quickly tensing set of her shoulders. Damon’s seen it before, he knows what’s coming.

They don’t sleep for four nights.

There’s a club in TriBeCa, the supernatural-led kind Damon had mentioned to Jeremy. Busy enough to feed without being noticed, regulated enough for Elena to let go without worrying she might kill someone, and without all the memories associated with Billy’s. They stumble out in the early evening on New Year’s Eve, the winter night hiding the human blood that’s stained their clothes and skin, the bruises they left on each other healed between each feed. People notice their high all the way back to the hotel, but no one cares. It’s the best part about New York City; it never sleeps, it never looks, it never sees the truth in the dark.

By the time they’ve showered, changed, and made their reservation, Elena slumps in her seat, Damon’s jacket wrapped around her like a blanket, sipping on champagne and trying not to crash. Damon knows the feeling, his eyes burning with exhaustion. It’s been a long time since he’s bothered with New Year’s resolutions, but this year a couple variations of ‘how to find a new way to help’ cross his mind. If he were human, he’d be dead, which is a silver lining, but even as a vampire he’s not sure he can keep this up much longer. He hasn’t been this bone tired since he first tried to turn his humanity back on. Hell, since he turned.

The sooner we’re out of the US the better. Surely being as far away from Mystic Falls as possible will help.

Elena leans into Damon’s side and sighs, eyes on the sky. This close to the edge of the rooftop bar is prime real estate for the Times Square fireworks and Elena’s always wanted to see them; Damon had booked it the moment he’d decided they were coming, even forgoing compulsion to make it as special for her as possible, and feeling her relax is more than worth the time and price it took to make it happen. All they have to do now is wait.

Then they can sleep tomorrow away and leave, get to the airport, buy tickets at the first desk they come to, and disappear in the crowd. Put Mystic Falls firmly in their rearview mirror and ignore it for the next thirty years.

He rests his cheek on her head, sharing her champagne, and tries to keep his eyes open without counting down the hours.

“Do you like that you can hear so much? Like, everyone around us and down there, all jumbled together?” she asks.

“Not really. I’ve gotten too used to blocking it all out unless I want to listen, then I hate that I have to let so much in until I can find and focus on what I want.”

Her hair tickles his cheek as she nods. “I like it. It’s interesting, listening to how human they all are. It’s fun. I hope I don’t get bored of it.”

“Except humans are generally boring,” Damon replies, finishing her drink but gentlemanly enough to top it up for her before settling back into place. “Not everyone gets to be a doppelgänger-turned-vampire who had two thousand year old Originals kill them, one gorgeous, dashing vampire boyfriend, and Stefan.”

Elena scoffs. “Sucks to be them.”

“I know right. I noticed you ignored that last part, by the way. Or do you secretly agree that Stef is an entirely separate entity in your not-dull life? Like a puppy. A still very boring, very hungry, very vicious puppy.”

She ignores that, too. “Humans are not boring. They, like us and most people, are varied and interesting and admittedly delicious.”

“I agree with that last part. I’m gonna need you to convince me about the rest of it.”

Elena kisses the corner of his mouth, finger grazing his four day old stubble. “Deal.” She kisses him again, teasing his lips, moves along and kisses more, refusing to linger, even as he turns his head to catch her kiss properly. She spreads her fingers through his hair, her palm warm on his neck, and Damon covers it with his own, fingers lacing together instinctively. He dares to lean in, enjoying the way her smile lights up her eyes… and how quickly it sets her on fire when her phone rings. “This had better be good.”

She pulls it out of his jacket pocket, only a little less mad about it when she sees Bonnie’s name. Damon grabs the bottle of champagne. “Answer it, I’ll get another bottle ready for the fireworks.”

He doesn’t mean to listen in as he orders, their previous conversation still rattling around in his head. She is the most interesting person in the room and he’s always been attuned to her, could find her anywhere. Even when she whispers through her teeth, “Too early, Bonnie. I haven’t had a chance yet.” Damon can’t hear the other end of the line, she’s too far from the bar and it’s too loud, but it makes Elena sit up and check her phone again. “Sorry, Stefan. Why are you calling me on Bonnie’s phone?”

Whatever he says has her on her feet, the light in her eyes gone, her need to sleep on shaky ground, and Damon wonders how effectively he can punish his brother from a distance. Elena grabs Damon’s hand as he pays and drags him, bottle and all, to the elevator. Inside, close together with the music and chatter gone, Stefan’s words cut through. “She’s dying, Elena, Caroline was desperate.”

Damon pulls the cork from the bottle, drinks until he can force calm, and takes the phone. “Who’s dying?”

“Liz,” Stefan answers quietly, gently. Guiltily. “I’m sorry, Damon. Caroline wanted time.”

“What do you mean, she was desperate?”

The elevator doors open as Stefan finishes his tale. Elena takes her phone back with one shaky hand before he can crush it, leading him out with her other. “We’re on our way, Stefan,” he hears her say, soft between the roaring in his ears, then hangs up.

The fireworks light up the sky, the New Year drowning out his scream.

***

It’s easier to drive. And Damon floors it the moment they’re out of the city. They’re gonna drive to Richmond International, drop the car off at the rental carpark. Ric will pick them up and take them to Whitmore.

It’s not how the New Year was supposed to go, the proof of it burning a hole in Elena’s pocket. She keeps her mouth shut until they’re halfway down the highway, when Damon’s hands finally relax on the steering wheel and one drops between them, palm up in invitation. It emboldens her to take a chance, to be the one who helps instead of the one needing help, to be there for Damon as much as he is for her. She takes his hand. “Do you want to play?”

He squeezes once, his palm clammy in hers. “Your question.”

His shoulders tense, waiting for it. “Why doesn’t vampire blood work on cancer? It seems to work on everything else.”

“Most things, like injuries and many illnesses, are done to them or pathogens the body wants to reject, so vampire blood, which has constantly rapidly regenerative cells, breaks them down while taking the healthy cells and regenerating because it doesn’t zero in on the one bad thing, it spreads around the body and heals everything. It just all happens very quickly. But some, like cancer, mutate once healthy cells, so vampire blood just regenerates that. If it was caught really early and the cancer is small and contained, there’s a chance of keeping it that way, of the other healthy cells staying healthy and keeping cancer from spreading too far before the person can fight it with modern medicine. But it can’t make already mutated cells healthy again, only regenerate what’s there. And if it’s already bad, all that blood is gonna do is regenerate cancer and spread it around and make things worse until the person dies.”

Damon speaks so dispassionately, a broken, empty voice reading from a textbook. All the life he’d worked so hard to bring back to her the last few days, to both of them, zapped away in an instant. Imagining the very thing happening to his friend as easily as she sees it happening to her best friend’s mother.

“What happens if they transition?”

“Pain,” he answers numbly. “When we transition, our bodies adapt a little to accommodate a blood-heavy diet, but a lot of things stay more or less the same, some simply stop functioning completely. We’re more like humans than the humans who know about us think, except we feel it all a hundred times bigger. And since cancer cells don’t heal, it’s all still there. Even if it did heal, Liz doesn’t want to be a vampire.”

“So all the pain a human body with cancer feels…” Elena can’t finish that sentence. Damon mimics a small explosion for her with his free hand and a pitiful noise. “Oh god. Caroline and Stefan wouldn’t have known that you knew this.”

“Augustine was good for something, I suppose,” Damon says, his usual sarcasm falling flat. “If only they’d thought to utilise it.”

Elena lets his last words go, uninteresting in starting a fight by defending her best friend’s desperate attempt to save her mother. If Liz wasn’t someone he cared so much about, it’d be different, but the one thing she knows better than most is grief and it’s clear in the constantly changing grip on her fingers, his inability to look anywhere but at the road, the ragged breaths he’s forced to exhale to keep control and, mostly, keep from crying, Damon’s already on the way to grieving her. Because he has no hope, she realises with a punch to the gut.

“How many people did you watch them do this to?” she asks, fearing the answer will be so much bigger than even Damon knows. Wes Maxfield and her father’s own journal had stated that Grayson Gilbert was looking to cure cancer with vampire blood and that started forty years after Damon’s capture. For all they knew, Enzo hadn’t even been the first.

“Enough,” Damon says, sparing her… or himself. “Whitmore would have us in the room during the ‘procedures’ in case they needed more blood. It always ended the same - they died, they came back, they begged for death, and the good doctor drove a stake through their grateful hearts. The first time I saw it was the first time I considered flipping the switch. I don’t want Caroline to see that.”

“Oh, Damon,” she whispers, the steady stream of tears breaking through. It’s the only comfort she can provide unless they stop and neither of them want to stop. “Is there any way to slow it down? So when she… so it’s not in her system by then.”

“Depends how much blood she had, I guess. If they can monitor her, keep her alive, and don’t give her more, it’ll probably be out of her system by morning.”

“This is a nightmare. Things were supposed to get better,” she says between sobs.

“The nightmare will be when I kill them for being so stupid and keeping it from us,” he counters, slamming his palm into the steering wheel. “If they’d told us how sick she was, I could’ve warned them.”

“Don’t do that.” Elena takes her hand from his and grips his chin, turning his head enough to see both her and the road clearly. “She’s Caroline’s mom. Care was desperate and scared and not thinking clearly. I would’ve been the same for my mother and you would’ve been for yours. So when we get there, hug her, don’t lecture her. Please.”

He tugs his face away, but thankfully nods. “I can’t guarantee the hug, she hates me, I’m not so keen on her right now. But I will endeavour to keep my mouth shut.”

“Thank you.”

Elena reclaims his hand and they continue on in silence, Mystic Falls still two hundred miles away.