Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chris wasn’t surprised at the sight of his apartment when he walked in and normally it would drive him crazy, but tonight he was too happy to care. Felix, Changbin and Seungmin were piled on the floor in front of the TV playing video games while Han and Hyunjin were sitting at the small dining table working on something Chris assumed to be song lyrics. “Jeongin left, said he had an ‘errand’.” Changbin explained as his eyes stayed focused on the game. They all knew what that meant. Jeongin thought he was being sneaky, but they had all long ago figured out he had been dating a woman older than him. Chris had contemplated calling him out, but instead left it alone.

Now here he was with his own secret romance. He was officially dating someone for the first time in years. He was dating someone he barely knew. He laughed to himself as he made his way to his bedroom, but he heard Felix’s iconically deep voice, “someone is in a good mood.” Felix wasn’t wrong though, Chris was in a good mood. He may not know a lot about Izzie, but he planned to spend all his free time getting to know her. And getting to know Minji. He also realized he would need to properly introduce himself to her father now as well. Chris washed up and climbed into bed with his phone in hand. He saved Izzie’s number, labeling her contact as ‘Trouble’ and sent her another text.

CHRIS: When is your birthday?

TROUBLE: So you won’t believe me but it’s October 3rd, 1998. 

CHRIS: Seriously. 

TROUBLE: *picture of passport* 

CHRIS: Who looks that cute in a passport photo?
TROUBLE: Minji’s photo is cute. Mine is terrible. I’m really judging your taste right now. 

CHRIS: Sorry I think you are cute. I take it back.
TROUBLE: Appa wants to know when you plan to propose. 

Chris froze. He tried to type a response several times but ended up deleting each message only to leave Izzie staring at the infamous 3 dots for several minutes.

TROUBLE: Kidding. Did I scare you?

CHRIS: No. 

CHRIS: You are trouble. 

TROUBLE: You like it.

She wasn’t wrong. He did like it. He hadn’t expected this playful mischievous side of her, and the more of it he saw the more he liked. Maybe he had jumped into things a little too quickly, but something about Izzie just felt so right to him. 

Izzie woke the next morning, suddenly feeling sad that her little girl wasn’t there in her bed with her. It had been over a month now of not having her home overnight and it was really beginning to weigh on her. She missed her daughter so much, but she was also happy that Minji was doing so well with her dad. Usually after about a week there was a meltdown that would end up cutting her visit with her dad short. It was clear she’d matured so much in the past few months since he’d last visited. Izzie gave into her urges and called Minji’s dad, and arranged to pick up Minji after daycare, then drop her off at her dad’s after dinner. That was the motivation she needed to finally pull herself out of bed.

Just as she finished brushing her teeth her phone buzzed with a text.

CHRIS: Good morning. 

CHRIS: I hope you slept well. I’ll come see you at the cafe tonight. 

IZZIE: I’m actually taking Minji to dinner tonight. But I’ll text you after.
CHRIS: Okay. Have a good day. 

Izzie’s day dragged by. The cafe was slow and she found herself anxiously watching the clock until it was time to pick up Minji. As soon as it was 3:45, Izzie packed up and bolted out of the door to head to Minji’s daycare. When Minji’s class came to the door for pick up, Minji took off running and slammed into her mother’s arms. “Eomma, I’m so happy to see you!” Izzie hugged her daughter tightly as she picked her up from the ground. After a long hug that left tears pricking at the back of Izzie’s eyes, the two headed off to their favorite restaurant.

Minji loved being able to ride on the bus, it was a rare treat for the small child since most of the places they went were within a 10 minute walk. But today was an extra special occasion, she not only got to ride the bus to dinner, but then the subway and another bus to her dad’s house. Izzie was pleasantly surprised to hear how talkative Minji was while they ate their favorite pizza. When they were done they rounded out their meal with a stop at an ice cream shop, then they were on their way to Minji’s father’s house.

Izzie had only been to Minji’s father’s place a handful of times, and only usually for a moment, not allowing herself to feel comfortable or risk feeling wanted in his space. This time she let her guard down and when she stepped inside she took off her shoes, and made herself comfortable on the couch, but only for a moment before Minji was pulling her into her bedroom. Izzie froze in the doorway. Minji’s father had taken the time to completely recreate Minji’s bedroom at her own apartment. From the bedroom furniture to the toys, everything was exactly the same. Only the closet and windows being different. That clearly had been a reason Minji had been so comfortable with him this time. He was finally really seeing her. He had followed her schedule, made her meals, and made her space safe for her. “Eomma, come on,” Minji demanded as she tugged on her mother’s hand. 

Izzie snapped out of her trance and followed her daughter into her room. She played with Minji until Minji’s dad said that it was time for pajamas and bed. Minji asked her mom to stay, and Izzie happily obliged, enjoying the feeling of being not only needed but wanted. Izzie helped her daughter dress, brush her teeth, and then she snuggled in the twin sized bed with her as she read her a bedtime story. Just as the story ended Minji had fallen asleep, leaving Izzie to sneak out of the room to be greeted by Minji’s father. “Stay for a glass?” He held up a bottle of Izzie’s favorite wine. He still knew the way to keep her close despite all the walls she’d built.

“One glass,” Izzie agreed. The two of them sat on his couch, while they sipped the wine. Izzie focused on the sweet notes of the white wine, rather than the way she could feel his eyes on her. She suddenly felt self conscious in her tight fitting shirt and slim fitting jeans. It was a casual enough outfit for her day at the cafe and the evening spent with her daughter, but the way his eyes raked over her made her feel exposed. She had a feeling that even if she were dressed in 10 layers, he’d still make her feel that way.

“I go back to the States in a week,” he began.

“I know. I’m so ready to have Minji home.”

“To sign divorce papers. It will be final.” He added. 

Izzie looked at him, she already knew where this was going.

“I could move here permanently, we could try again. Really try. No secrets. No lies.” 

Izzie’s head was spinning, she couldn’t believe this was happening. The man who had led her on for years was BEGGING for another chance. He legitimately looked pitiful as he waited for her to respond. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. We co-parent just fine. If you are going to be here full time we can switch off each week if you’d like. You are a good dad to Minji. You are so good for her.”

“I could be good for you. I can be good to you. Come on Iseul, just give me a chance.” Izzie didn’t want to fight with him, she just wanted him to let go of the idea that they could be together. She knew there was no way she could ever trust him with her heart again. Those days were long gone. She couldn’t be the woman curled up crying and trying to figure out if he loved her, she needed to focus on Minji and her cafe. Plus now she has Chris. There was absolutely no space in her life for his chaos. Izzie’s phone chimed from her pocket and she pulled it out to see who it was.

CHRIS: Hey, I hope you had a good day. 

CHRIS: Is it too soon to say I miss you? 

“Is that Chris?” Minji’s dad scowled, his jealousy obvious. Izzie had no idea how he would know about Chris, until it dawned on her that Minji must have told him. “Who exactly is Chris? Is he your boyfriend?”

“It’s Minji’s friend who frequents the cafe.” Izzie answered before responding to Chris. She did not want to dive into this conversation, not now. Not when he was already pressuring her for so much.

IZZIE: Not at all. I like being missed. 

IZZIE: I like being cuddled more though.
CHRIS: I can be over in 5.
IZZIE: I’m not home. I’m at Minji’s dad’s house. 

“I think it’s time for me to go. Look, we can't be together. I can’t go back to those feelings. I’ll see you when you drop off Minji next Friday.” 

CHRIS: Tease. 

IZZIE: I’ll be home in 30 minutes if you want to meet me…

CHRIS: I’ll be there. 

Izzie hopped in an uber and scrolled through her phone as she made her way across Seoul. She had no idea what had gotten into her. She hadn’t felt this excited about seeing a man since she was first dating Minji’s dad. When she finally arrived at the gate to her apartment she got out at the pedestrian gate. Izzie walked to her building, only to find Chris waiting inside leaning against the wall opposite of the elevator wearing his usual beanie and mask. She didn’t acknowledge him, but instead pressed the button for the elevator and waited quietly. Once the doors opened she slipped inside and he was right behind her. 

The doors closed and as soon as the elevator started to move, Chris closed the small distance between the two of them, his arms caged her in against the cold metal wall. Izzie sucked in a breath as she stared into Chris’s dark brown eyes. She could feel her entire body respond to something as simple as his gaze and it made her feel weak. All her nerves felt like they were on fire and she needed Chris to soothe the burn.

“I missed you. I have no business missing you. But I missed you.” 

Izzie smiled hearing his sweet confession. Maybe, just maybe he was as into her as she was him. They stood still just staring at each other until the elevator stopped and Chris pulled back in case there were any other residents in the hall. But once inside Izzie’s apartment, he toed off his shoes and grabbed Izzie’s arm, pulling her to him before she could make it to her living room. His pull was a little stronger than he intended and she crashed into his chest, causing her to laugh as she wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him. She took a deep sniff of his cologne, memorizing his scent once again, wishing she could be bathed in it.

Finally he let her go and Izzie took his hand to lead him to the couch. She waited for him to sit and then she sat close to him. He immediately pulled her back to his chest and let out a deep sigh, as if he had something heavy on his mind.

“Are you okay?” Izzie asked him. 

“Yes. I mean…” Chris began and stopped before groaning. “I hate being this guy, but is there something to worry about with you and Minji’s dad? Mr. Mystery man.”

Izzie almost let out a laugh, at least until she looked up and saw the worried look on his face. “Chris, there is nothing between us. I promise. He’s getting a divorce and talking about moving back here, but that just means he will have more time with Minji, not me.”

Chris nodded but before he could say anything Izzie kept going. “We co-parent and that’s it. We haven’t had any sort of romance between us in 2 years.”

“I’m sorry,” Chris apologized.

“Don’t apologize for being you,” Izzie reminded him of the words he’d used on her just the night before. “If we are going to date I want you to feel comfortable talking to me about anything. We are still getting to know each other and I’m glad to answer any questions you have.” 

Chris smiled and hugged her tightly. “Thank you.” It felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He’d never dated anyone with a kid and never imagined he would. He had no idea how this dynamic should work, but he had a feeling if things got serious between them he’d meet the father when Izzie felt it was right. He had spent the day letting his thoughts run wild as he tried to figure out who the man could be, but the only idols or idol adjacent men he knew that had kids were married and lived in Korea. Who could I know that is living a secret life? 

Chris shook the thoughts from his head and focused back on the gorgeous woman in his arms. They had only been officially dating for 24 hours, and it felt like he was completely obsessed with her. He was trying to keep his cool and remain in control, but everything about her made him weak. 

He leaned down, tilted her face up to him, and pressed his lips to hers. The first kiss was short, sweet, and left him wanting more. Izzie adjusted herself and kissed him again, this time deeper as he pulled her closer to him. He tested the waters, gently swiping his tongue along her bottom lip, and when she easily welcomed him in he had to slow down for a second, afraid he was going to lose control.

Their tongues tangled together and a soft moan escaped from Izzie’s lips and directly into Chris. He pulled back, giving each of them a second to catch their breath. But after only a beat Izzie was desperately pulling him back to her. She kissed him like he was giving her life and if he stopped she just might stop existing. 

Chris attempted to steady himself by grabbing her waist, but instead of making contact with her shirt, he made contact with her bare skin, not realizing her shirt had ridden up at some point. Izzie initially stiffened at the contact but then she was pressing herself closer to him and searching for the hem of his shirt. Chris held onto her soft skin, his fingers splayed as they gently explored her abdomen. Chris leaned more into her as her hands slid under his shirt and he guided her to lay back on the sectional. He hovered over her, taking in her appearance just for a second before he was back to kissing her lips. His head was spinning and he wanted more of her. His kisses shifted from her lips to her jaw. He took his time moving lower down her neck, taking mental note of each sound she made, finding her most sensitive spots as her hands held onto his back from inside his shirt.

Izzie’s head was spinning, she hadn’t felt like this in so long. So needy and wanting as she was being kissed and touched. She wanted more, she wanted to see the soft skin her hands were running over, and not just in a video she’d seen on Tiktok. She began to tug at his shirt, but the sound of his phone made them both stop in their tracks. “Fuck,” Chris groaned as he pressed his forehead to Izzie’s.

“You have to go,” she wasn’t sure if it was a question or statement.

“I do.” Chris frowned. “I have early dance practice and I promised our manager I’d have a track done as well.” He stood from his spot on the couch and helped Izzie up from where she laid. He reached up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear, a dangerous move for a man with a Black woman, but she decided she’d teach him proper etiquette later.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” Izzie hoped she could fill more of her kid free nights with steamy makeout sessions at the very least, but Chris’s frown told her otherwise.

“I actually have a project I’m ghost writing for and we only have this week to work on it. I’ll keep you updated and promise to come over the first chance I get.” Chris stuck out his pinky finger making Izzie laugh and almost forget her disappointment. She locked her pinky with his, only for him to pull her in for one more quick kiss. 

Izzie didn’t bother to stop herself from whining when he let go of her for the last time, causing him to look back before leaving out her door. She had no idea how hard it was for him to leave her. He didn’t know when he could come back and the thought of not seeing her for the rest of the week was already pulling at his heart. 

Izzie spent the next two days throwing herself fully into work at the cafe, doing anything and everything to distract her from not only missing Minji but now also missing Chris. She felt absolutely ridiculous at the prospect of missing a man she’d only just started dating a few days ago, but here she was scrubbing the underside of the slide to distract herself.

Her father had teased her relentlessly when she finally called him back after their run in and he promised from now on to loudly announce himself if he came over unannounced. She didn’t want her dad to lose his free access to her home, but she also didn’t want to worry about being caught again, especially if things progressed further. She sure hoped they would progress further. Anytime she ran out of things to do her mind wandered back to where she was on the couch with Chris hovered over her, feeling her body, and exploring her neck with kisses. She wanted to offer more of herself to him, but maybe she should focus and go slow. She didn’t want her relationship to burn too hot too fast only for it to explode in the end. She needed something that was steady and consistent. Minji needed that too. Izzie knew their definitions of consistency would be different thanks to his idol life, but she was determined to figure out how to make it work. 

Izzie was heading back to the counter when she heard a familiar group of voices enter the cafe loudly. She turned around to see 3 of the members of Stray Kids strolling to the front counter. She was proud of her ability to recall their names as she greeted them before taking their order. Changbin, Han and Hyunjin were as giggly as a group of teenage girls as they tucked themselves into a booth with notebooks and their phones out. Clearly they were there for a snack and change of scenery as they worked. Izzie discreetly snapped a photo and sent it to Chris.

TROUBLE: It’s almost a sick kind of torture for them to be here without you.
CHRIS: I’m sorry. I’m stuck in the studio while a few guys record. Those 3 better be working.
TROUBLE: They look like they are trying. 

CHRIS: If I finish this track with a friend tonight I can see you tomorrow. 

TROUBLE: Don’t tease me. 

Chris could feel a rush of blood head south, causing him to lock his phone and put it away, even though their break wasn’t quite over. He turned back to his laptop and threw himself into work. He hoped that he and the artist could come to a quick agreement so he had the free time to see his girl. My girl. He wasn’t sure if he could really call her that just yet, but he would keep the phrase tucked inside until she let him claim her as his own. Chris hadn’t had an official girlfriend in at least 3 years and even his hookups were few and far between as he was always working. Always making a new track. Always writing a new song. Always producing a new album. Always filming. There was always work to be done.

At least now with the new contract Chris was allowed to say no occasionally and the guys were promised at least 2 nights off a week plus a free weekend every 2 weeks, and at least 3 weeks off a year for them to travel home. It might not seem like much, but it was a huge sense of control for the group. Many of them had been facing burnout, emotional struggles, and a general homesickness. It didn’t help that at their age most of them didn’t have a partner to comfort them in the hard times. A steady rock in their sea of chaos. 

Leeknow and Han had been lucky to have found love in each other, but they still had their own struggles. Leeknow was often left waiting while Han worked in the studio far past his scheduled time, determined to write the next hit for the group. Han was oblivious to how he made his partner feel, as he worked himself into depression. Then there was dealing with the company. They had kept their relationship secret given their contract, but upon renewal they made sure that each of them were protected and they were allowed to be with each other. It didn’t solve all their problems but it did put them all at ease.

With the new contact the idols could date but there were still rules. They needed to have their partner sign NDAs, have background clearance from the company, and agree to have their phones cleared in case the relationship ended. Chris understood the reasons for all the precautions but he also realized this was a lot to ask of someone he wasn’t sure was serious about him. He just needed to keep things under the radar until he was ready to have that conversation with Izzie. He knew he could do it, as long as he stayed focused and met deadlines. No one would suspect anything. They always assumed if he wasn’t in the dorm or with them he was in the studio and there was generally no one to check. Not unless Felix or Sejun came to kick him out to make sure he got some sleep before an early schedule. 

Chris finished up recording with his members just in time to go meet the other artist he was working with. He walked into the studio after Sejun dropped him off and greeted the man he’d been casual friends with since his trainee days, even though the man was 9 years older than him.

“Jay! Ready to get to work?” Chris asked as he greeted the older man. 

“Of course! Hey, I have a visitor with me. She’s small and will color quietly, but she doesn’t like new people so don’t be offended if she doesn’t talk to you,” Jay explained.

Chris nodded, entered the studio room, and began setting up his laptop not bothering to look for the ‘little visitor’ Jay had told him about. He opened up the file on his computer and began playing it for Jay to listen to, but just a few seconds in they were interrupted by a tiny voice.

“Appa, can I have a snack?” The small child held up her backpack for Jay, but before he could respond she shrieked loudly. “CHRIS!”

“Minji?” Chris turned and focused on the small girl who was launching herself into his lap. Jay and Chris locked eyes, both immensely confused at this situation.

“You know my daughter? You are THAT Chris?”

“You have a daughter? You are Minji’s dad?!” 

Minji was oblivious to the conversation as she sat in Chris’s lap happily poking at the buttons on his shirt. “I misses you so much,” Minji muttered happily as she hugged him again.

“She misses you?” Jay was trying to understand. “I need you to explain.”

Chris was torn between his excitement of seeing Minji again and wanting to go off on Jay for not treating Izzie well. He was the cheater that broke her heart. He was the man who made her feel worthless. He was the man who didn’t stick beside the woman who’d had his baby. Left her to raise a small child on her own. He was everything Chris hated about men. He perpetuated the stereotypes Chris worked so hard to prove wrong. Chris wasn’t really sure he owed the man an explanation but he did have a contract to fulfill so he chose his words carefully.

“We met by chance. Our group filmed a show at Iseul’s cafe.” Chris gave the barest of explanations, not wanting to share too many details about his relationship with Jay. “I can’t believe you, Jay Park, are a father. How have you kept this secret for so long?” Wheels were turning in Chris’s head. Could this mean he could have a full happy life and still be an idol.

Jay let out a sigh, he’d never brought Minji to the studio before and he’d hoped that her shyness would keep her out of sight. He didn’t really care if Chris knew he had a child. He knew that Chris could keep a secret, but his relationship with Minji might complicate things.

“It was tough, but it helps that my name is fairly common. Plus a few bribes kept officials' mouths closed. She’s listed on my family record, but you are now one of around 10 idols who know.” 

It was as if a race gun had gone off. Each man pulled out their phone and sent a text to Izzie, Chris attaching a photo with Minji and Jay attaching a photo of Minji sitting in Chris’ lap.

When Izzie received both texts, she sat at her office desk paralyzed. They had met each other. The man she was dating and her former lover. Panic took over her as her heart raced and her chest tightened. She had no idea how to manage this situation, it was out of her control.