Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

All day the interactions the day before had been on Ivan’s mind. Just seeing Till again, after thinking he’d never see him again, and the face he got was the exact same face he would have gotten back then.

Through class was the same usual attitude. Focus on work, smile and laugh at his friends, catch up with the teacher and talk about her recent divorce. The same routine day in and day out.

Ivan had nothing to complain about, everything had been good for him. In a good university, his studies going well, getting to be away from home and with funding from his parents. And all he had to do was keep being a good student and meet his parents expectations.

But now, there was a distraction. A distraction with grey hair and wearing enough black to absorb any sunlight in the vicinity. Ivan had no idea Till would end up alternative when he got older, he never seemed the type, but he had no complaints at all. He still looked good regardless, it still suited him.

This distraction was making it hard to focus, not noticing when his friends talked to him, not picking up when the teacher called on him. It took a rough hit to the back to snap him out of his thoughts as he daydreamed and tapped his pen against the desk. After the question was repeated, he was able to answer after some hesitation.

The teacher questioned if everything had been okay, and that Ivan had looked out of it since he entered the class. But with his usual practiced smile, he only nodded and explained that he’d had a lot of homework to do the night before. The teacher fawned. Good.

In the hallways after walking into a pole was when Ivan had decided he’d had enough of these distractions. The two people he knew best that he could talk to about anything, even though he hesitated over the message button.

Ivan prodded at his food with a fork, his cheek resting against his hand and not acknowledging the two girls sitting on the opposite side of him. Sua sat drinking her boba with Mizi impossibly close, her arms around Sua’s arm and cuddled into her side.

“It’s like elementary school again, he looked at me like he hated me.”

Ivan finally spoke up.

“He probably does.”

“Sua! Ivan, I’m sure that’s not the case.. He must be conflicted..”

Sua had tried to rest her case but Mizi had interjected.

After seeing Till in the bathroom the day before, Ivan had wanted to keep it to himself as much as physically possible, not wanting to talk about it. But the whole scenario was eating at him, and the only people he really knew he could talk to had been his sister and her girlfriend, Ivan’s best friend.

Till and Mizi had been the same age, while Sua and Ivan had been twins, the same age themselves. Sua and Ivan started university the year before, while it was Mizi’s first year, like Till. However, Till started later than Mizi, due to course differences and living situations. Mizi had already known Till was going to be going to the same university, but didn’t want to say anything.

Sua stared, “We really can’t help you on this front, Ivan.”

“She has a point.. Till never really talked to me the last year of highschool, he cut everybody out, even Hyuna and Dewey. This is the first time I’m seeing him in such a long time, I really thought he hated me.”

Sighed Mizi, shaking her head. 

Right, she hadn’t known about Till’s very obvious feelings for her. Of course not, since Sua was directly in front of her and taking up the majority of her time and attention. How could she possibly have noticed the swooning and blushing Till who had been desperate for her attention?

Ivan was starting to regret bringing it up.

He had been thinking of it non-stop. There wasn’t any way to address any of it, even when they saw each other outside at the bus stop and Till was going to be caught in the rain. Ivan wanted to help, Till rejected, Ivan helped anyway, Till scoffed.

Anytime they were near each other, Till had that same dejected attitude, reserving himself away, and all Ivan could do was push his luck and try to get close anyway. This had been the case as long as he’d known Till, but at least back then, they had been somewhat close despite Till’s hatred for him. It was selfish, but Ivan couldn’t stop himself from trying.

“Ivan, you’re not kids anymore.”

Sua interrupted, snapping Ivan out of spiralling in his thoughts again.

“You can tell he doesn’t want anything to do with you, and he’s clearly avoiding you. Just stop bothering him and move on, it’s not good for you to be this focused on him to the point you keep zoning out in classes.”

Mizi shook her head against Sua’s side.

“I don’t agree.. It’s like you said, they’re not children anymore. Ivan and Till are adults, even if Till has always been a bit immature. They can talk about it, I’m sure!”

Ever the optimist, Mizi beamed. Ivan could tell she wanted this all to be sorted out so they could go back to being friends as a group again, like they had back in elementary, but both Sua and Ivan could tell that wouldn’t be possible. Even still, Ivan plastered a smile, his thick brows furrowing slightly at the mere thought of trying to patch things up with one of the most stubborn men on earth.

“Me and Till haven’t gotten along since we were kids, Mizi. I really don’t think that’s going to change now, I doubt that we’ll get anywhere.”

“But that’s just it! You only doubt!”

Huffed Mizi. Even Sua seemed to catch on to what she meant and nodded.

“As much as I still think you should just leave it be, she’s right. We aren’t Till, you’re thinking about what will happen from your point of view and not his. And if you can’t tell, we aren’t Till, we don’t know how he’ll handle it nor what he’ll say.”

The two of them were right, as much as Ivan hated that. He despised when his sister was right, she may not show it on her face but she was always smug when she had made a point that Ivan couldn’t rebuttal.

Ivan sighed, “I’ll think about it.”

The rest of the conversation had just been about Mizi’s first week, the frat party she had been planning and about Sua’s studies. Of course, Sua’s studies weren’t as interesting of a conversation compared to Mizi’s parties but Ivan could handle it well enough.

The whole interaction did nothing to ease Ivan’s wandering thoughts, if anything, it made it even worse now he had to contemplate whether he should go with Sua’s opinion or Mizi’s opinion. The idea of engaging with Till again, Ivan didn’t know if he could handle it. Deciding for the time being, he might as well just go back to his dorm to think some things over and get to doing some of the homework he’d missed thanks to his lack of focus.

That was until he caught a glimpse of familiar grey and black, this time stood outside with a lit cigarette between his fingers and his other arm resting against his chest.

Mizi had informed him after he moved that Till had picked up smoking in highschool, apparently getting caught by the teachers for it a few times and got in trouble. Still, he hadn’t seemed to drop the bad habit. 

Ivan knew he should have listened to Sua, to just leave Till alone. But how could he? He wanted to see him again, to be around him again and hear him, even if the words he gave him were hateful. It was something he’d always accepted, harsh words and punches if it meant that Till would be around him. Friend or enemy. 

“Smoking is bad for you, you know.”

Ivan had always had a quiet presence, always sneaking up on people. So it was no surprise the reaction he got was a startled one. The smoke from the cigarette seemed to go down the wrong pipe, gathered by how he choked on it and started violently coughing into his hand. Tears pricking at Till’s eyes, which only caused Ivan to smile.

“I thought that stuff was all over the box.”

Despite Ivan trying to lecture, Till only silently glared, taking a side step away, before turning entirely and walking a good distance away. But of course, that wasn’t enough to stop Ivan, his own legs following without much thought. This was what it was going to be between them, just like when they were kids. Till trying to get away, Ivan following. 

With every step closer, Till would move a few steps back. Until he finally spoke up.

“Will you fuck off? Leave me alone.”

Once again, he tried to get away, but this time he didn’t get the chance. Not when Ivan had quickly wrapped his hand around Till’s wrist, preventing him from moving away. 

“Will you stop avoiding me? No? Then not a chance.”

Ivan gave a teasing grin, but his grip on Till had clearly caused his general annoyance to burn into rage. His cigarette dropping to the floor and trying to tear his wrist away, but to no avail since Ivan had been stronger and relentless. An immovable force.

Till barked, “Knock it off!”

Using his other hand to hit Ivan’s wrist so he’d let go of him. Just as he was about to leave again, this time Ivan grabbed his arm, but Till was faster and shoved him back.

The grin on Ivan’s lips spread wider, returning the same thing that Till had done, shoving him back with as much force, nearly knocking him back.

“What’s your fucking deal?! Asshole!”

Till shoved his hand into Ivan’s chest and caused him to stagger. 

“My deal? What’s your deal?”

“You’re so fucking annoying!”

“About as annoying as your quick whit or snap-”

There was no time to even finish his sentence, before Till lost his composure. The harsh sting and cracking sound against Ivan’s jaw, causing his head to be thrown to the side. His body staggering back slightly as he touched where the punch landed. His eyes drifted over to Till, seeing his chest rising and falling from the anger he’d been trying to hold back and failed to, his fist tightened and looking at Ivan with a hatred burning behind his gaze.

Balling up his fist, Ivan grabbed the collar of Till’s shirt and threw a punch back, landing in his eye. 

“Fuck!” 

Till cussed, launching another punch at Ivan’s nose. The back and forth attacks were getting faster, more violent. Till winding Ivan, Ivan shoving him off of his feet and tackling him, Till kicking him in the thigh with his converse and Ivan pulling his hair. Rolling around on the grass throwing punches and kicks.

By the end of it, the two of them were sat out of breath. Beaten and bloody.

Ivan sat with his legs parted and arms resting back on the grass as he tried to breathe, blood seeping from a cut on his lip that his tooth had caused, and even more blood trickling down his nose that he was sure was broken.

While Till had been on his hands and knees, spitting out blood onto the floor from biting his tongue, hair a mess and a black eye forming where Ivan’s fist had decked him. 

The two of them had been a mess, but when they locked eyes after the fight, Ivan only smirked and licked the blood off that had been leaking down his lip, causing Till to physically recoil and struggle to stand himself to get away. He looked scared, or possibly embarrassed, with a raging fire of anger. 

Ivan’s heart raced.

After that, Till turned on his heel and ran. Ran like he was trying to get away from a beast, a reaction that Ivan had been far too familiar with from their antics back at elementary school. And now he was left by himself, still trying to catch his breath from the adrenaline wearing off. His body fell back onto the grass, arms splayed while he stared at the sky, relishing in the stinging from the tear in his lip and his slightly crooked nose. Hair tossled, improper and untended to, a look that Ivan never allowed when he had a persona of being perfect to keep up. Being a mess would ruin his image and cause people to talk.

But the pain of it, and the image burnt into the back of his mind of Till throwing punches at him like that. The suffocating feeling of being winded, the burn of being smacked.

From anybody else, it would have been different. The pain of it all would have left him angry, yet he’d still keep a fake smile as he said that everything was okay.

But from Till?

The smile was real, disgustingly real.

He was euphoric.