Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Magnus had been in the bathroom for a suspiciously long time. 

Suspicious enough that, the second the first notes of ‘Whats new pussycat’ began to filter through the general chatter of The Davy Lamp, every single person at their table screamed his name in such an absolute, time-worn fury that all conversation at The Davy Lamp stopped for a solid five seconds. Heads whipped around, all eyes trained on the man himself, who was frozen in pink panther-esque sneaking pose still clutching loose change in his hand. 

Ren shook her head and kept wiping down the bar. “That's the fourth fuckin’ time this week.” 

He slunk his way back to the table avoiding looks of absolute disgust, not missing the cuff around his ears from Merle. The dwarf had purposely used his prosthetic arm and slipped it back into place on his shoulder, muttering something about ‘respect for his elders’ and that the joke was old and worn by now. Not that Magnus seemed to mind. Bastard was definitely hiding a building snort beneath his stone-faced, guilt-ridden façade he was struggling to keep up. Julia, too, the traitor. Taako made note to remove both of their jukebox privileges in the future. 

It was Friday night, and their weekly group gathering had hit its max. The original three – the classic Tres Horny Boys, a nickname born from Magnus’s and Taakos failed band attempt that Merle had ever so gleefully helped fund – had expanded their forte over the past few years; Magnus’s wife Julia usually joined them a week or two whenever she could get away from work, and of course Taakos sister, Lup, and her husband Barry always sidled in whenever they could. Lucretia manages to sneak in sometimes, sitting in the corner with some kind of cocktail sipping through a straw and laughing at the jokes. Even Davenport, occasionally. His visits are few and far between though, often ending the night in all of their pockets emptied as he ruins them through cards. Tonight, the table was full, glasses empty and drinks spilt, dirtying the table and laughter adding to the already headache-inducing ruckus of the bar. Cards were strewn, forgotten to Julias woven tale - describing the time Magnus had attached arms to their Roomba only to rip them off when he was drunk and thought it challenged him to a duel. The group collectively mourned Rodney the Roomba while Magnus spluttered.  

“It - they were just cardboard! And it's not like it felt pain – it’s a robot!” Julia patted his arm comfortingly. “Why are you all shitting on me tonight? What’d I do?” 

“Nothing, babe.” She soothed. “You're just really easy to make fun of.” 

Ren interrupted Magnus’s self-indulgent whining with a tray full of drinks. “On the house for Magnus, on the condition that he stops fuckin playing that shit on my Jukebox.” She said, replacing the empty glasses with the full ones and shooting him a deep-seated glare. “You're drivin’ away my good customers.”  

“Only ones with bad taste.” He mumbled back, and she rolled her eyes as she dipped back behind the bar. Julia followed her with her gaze for a few seconds before turning to Taako. “Isn't it weird? Having a student serve you drinks?” 

Taako just shrugged and raised his glass. “So long as she doesn’t make shitty ones it's alright.  It's not like, any different from having my boss here too - Nothing personal, Dav.” He winked at the Gnome who rolled his eyes from behind his glass. “Besides,” he continued, leaning his elbows against the table now that his gauzy white sleeves weren’t in danger of being stained, “bartending's a good skill in the kitchen too. Extra credit n all that.” 

Davenport frowned. “You can't give her extra credit for this.” 

He grinned slyly. “Not that she knows that.” 

Lup slapped his arm and he recoiled with a fake gasp of pain. “Blatant favoritism. She's just lucky to be your favorite, else you’d find all kinds of ways to blackmail her into doin’ shit.” 

“And I suppose it's just a coincidence that Carey and Killian got spots on the dodgeball team?” Taako shot back, Lup seemingly indifferent to his accusation. “Despite the fact they missed try-outs?” 

“Queer solidarity.” She sniffed. “Gotta watch out for my sisters in arms.” 

“Bold of you to assume Rens straight.” 

“Oh, word?” She reached up and Taako met her for the high five. “Forgiven.” 

Barry raised his eyebrows and glanced at Taako. “Oh, break Angus’s heart, why don’t you.” 

“I don't-” He spluttered in return, his sister bursting into laughter. “I don’t give two shits about that dumbass kid! The fuck you on, Barold?” 

Before Barry dumbass Bluejeans could respond Lucretia butted in with a knowing smirk. “Oh, Taako, do you want me to un-reserve the study room in the library for you this Monday, then? I can tell Angus when he returns the books he signed out after your last session.” 

Taakos glare threatened to boil the drinks between them. “You're fucking dead to me, Luce.” 

“Noted.” She hid her shit-eating grin behind an innocent sip of her drink. 

“No, I'm serious. It's just Julia left now, all you fuckers are on my shit list, fuck yall, none of you are getting candlelight's shit.” Julia pressed her hands to her heart and cooed while the others voiced their immediate protests. Taako was hearing none of it. “Nuh uh, Taakos been recording everything all year and none of you are innocent. Mr Robot-arms here,” he pointed accusingly to Magnus, “Threw me across the room during dodgeball-” 

“We won! You knocked out Roswell but we still won!” 

“Lup broke my fucking favorite umbrella -” 

She rolled her eyes and accepted her fate. “It was ugly as hell, Koko, you ought to thank me for that one.” He continued on, ignoring the fact that she was right. It had been an ugly umbrella. 

“Bitchface Barold is consistently on that list for his jean-related eyesores,” Barry pouted and picked at the hems of his jeans, Lup comfortingly patting his arm. 

“I caught Merle during one of his fucking plant orgy sessions and he didn’t even apologize,” Merle shrugged, evidently not sorry, and Taako finally reached Davenport, “and you cut my philosophy class. So, there. All of you wallow in your past sins and know that none of you are getting cha’boys ballin’ macarons this year.” 

All except Barry and Davenport grumbled about being called out, the latter of whom simply raised his eyebrows. “You didn’t even teach anything in that class. All you did was spout ridiculous mantra and give everyone A’s.” 

“And they loved it.” He slammed his fist on the table. “I had gained a following. We were one semester out from forming a cult! Or whatever kind of groups follow around philosophers, that kinda shit. I had the highest-grade results throughout the school.” 

“Because you gave a kid who turned in the speech from Highlanders an A+.” Davenport wasn’t impressed nor moved. Before Taako could launch back into his spiel, though, Barry had reached around Lups back and tapped him on the shoulder. 

“I didn’t think you'd be complaining about your replacement, Taako.” He grinned. “I heard you got up close and personal to uh...inspect his qualifications.”  

Lup cut off the smug look on Barrys face as she leant in, resting her chin on her well-manicured hands and wiggling her eyebrows at her brother. “Ooh, is this about Kravitz? I didn’t think you went for the Goths, Koko.” 

Oh, great. This was happening. Because there was something to discuss after like, five seconds of maybe minor flirting between them. Yes, Kravitz was insatiably hot, and yes, Taako had liked flustering him, because it was obvious that he was into him (and frankly, who wouldn’t be?) but that didn’t mean that there was anything there. He barely fucking knew the guy – and yeah, that guy had replaced his philosophy class! He should be his fucking, arch nemesis, or whatever.  

He had to admit though - two arch nemesis's –nemisi?– discovering their hatred for each other was just poorly hidden sexual tension, boning it up, maybe saving the world in the process, would make a killer movie. And it was fun to imagine weirdly-buff nerd bone boy as his Arch Nemesis with benefits. More so fun because it rhymed. See? Fate. Lady Istus works in mysterious ways. 

Instead of indulging his sister with his daydreams he rolled his eyes, drawing a long sip from his straw before responding. “I don’t. I have some degree of class, you know.”  

If anyone knew that he didn’t, it would be Lup, but she kept her trap shut on that one, choosing carefully instead where to target next within his poorly made armor of excuses. “Really? Because a little birdy told me that you'd pounced on the guy the second he locked eyes with you.” She turned and shouted over to the bar before he could say anything. “Hey, Ren?” 

The bartender looked up from polishing the glasses. “Yeah?” 

“On a scale of one to ten, how bad was Taako’s heart eyes towards the new guy?” Ren seemed to chew her lip in thought for a second, before splitting into an evil grin. 

“Barry, when you wore those denim thigh-high boots to prom last year.” She shouted back, and Taakos grip around his glass tightened. 

“You're fucking failed, Ren! Minus F! Suspended! Expelled! Out of my class!” He felt the tips of his ears grow a slight shade of red as Lup clutched her sides, collapsed with laughter. The rest of the table seemed rapt with attention towards the growing gossip. Magnus, in particular, seemed itching to learn more, the damned fucking romantic. 

“Wait, Kravitz? The new music teacher guy? You're dating him?” He asked, and Taakos eyes burned holes in the back of Barrys skull who had looked away to hide his snorts. 

“No! Fuck! I flirt with a guy for like, twenty seconds, and you all think I'm fucking married!” since when had his romantic life been anybody's fucking business? Since when had he had a romantic life, anyway? 

His chest reminded him with a dull pain that he pushed away. A while, anyway. And there was a reason for that, not that any of these chucklefucks seemed to remember.  

“So, you were flirting!” He smacked Lups arm, but it only served to make her laugh harder. Davenport clucked in mock disapproval from across the table, not that Taako gave a shit about his opinion. 

“Very unprofessional, Taako. Im sure you're aware of HR regulations around inter-coworker relationships.” The elf rolled his eyes and finished his glass, cos yeah, like fucking Irene from HR was gonna step in.

“Yeah, I'm real concerned about her coming after me when it comes to inter-coworker relationships, Capn’port. I’m not gonna sit here and be judged by the guy who fucks someone who has a Kenny Chesney Tattoo on his ass.” 

Lups shrieking reached a critical level as Merle joined her with a guffaw, and Davenport simply avoided his eyes and downed his drink very, very fast. Magnus ignored all of this and reached out to pat Taakos hand, who snatched it away the second he grazed it. He felt like keeping his fingers tonight. 

“I’m just – I'm just happy for you, man! He seems like a nice dude. Bit stiff, I guess. I mean I guess that's the kind of thing you want, though, like in bed-” 

“Aaaand I'm stopping you right there.” Taako cut him off from the rest of his rambling with a horrified look. “Julia, please take Magnus home before he says anything even more stupid.” Nodding in assent, she stood, Magnus a few seconds later with a grumble but clinging to her arm like a weepy toddler. Not that he was crying, just tucking his face into the crook of her neck as he leant against her for support and leaving soft, languid smooches as she pulled him away.  

It was disgustingly affectionate.  

They stumbled away, and then it was only the six of them, drinking in a rare moment of silence as the most rumbustious of them left. Lup, wiping tears away from her eyes, cheeks flushed and red, turned back to Taako with a wicked look in her eye. 

“So, Kravitz...” 

“Nope. Absolutely not.” He pushed his empty glass away from him and stood, tossing down a few silver pieces that most definitely did not cover all of his bill and pulled his jacket onto his shoulders. “It was nice seeing – you know what, nope, it was absolutely terrible hanging out with you all, fuck off, I'll see you Monday.” 

He was out the door before anybody could protest and the cold wind hit him like a bus, making him draw his jacket closer over his shoulders. Sure, a cropped jacket wasn’t going to provide him much warmth, but considering the only other things he was wearing was an even shorter cropped shirt with high waisted shorts and ankle boots, he was going to take whatever he could get. At least his apartment was close by. 

The night air bit his bare legs and raised his exposed flesh in bumps as he walked home, heels clicking on the cobblestoned sidewalk and echoing through the empty streets. Phandalin wasn’t exactly known for its nightlife, and even on a Friday night by midnight places were usually pretty empty or closing up. The only few places left were the Davy Lamp, Wave Echo Lounge, and of course the fantasy Costco, its fluorescent fake light seeping into the street as he passed. Wave Echo was just a few doors up; a jazz place that he’d never really visited, never wanted to – Jazz wasn’t exactly his, uh, niche – but he paused by it tonight just for a second as the doors opened and a rush of warmth escaped into the night. 

He couldn’t see much into the bar as he stood there, ignoring the bickering between the bouncer and some short, obviously drunk guy, but from the angle he could see softly candle-lit tables rimming a small round stage. A woman was performing and the music, faint but lovely, warmed his ears, and he didn’t find himself moving even after the drunk guy was shoved away and the door was closed behind him. The music was...nice. And it wasn’t exactly like he was tired – only of dealing with his sister and her husband, not of the night. He knew the place had a bar, and it seemed pretty empty.

The wind picked up a bit more, tossing his loose braid over his shoulder and that was enough to override his Taakos good out here instinct on strange bars and he pushed the doors open. Immediately, he was basked in that warmth again, and that music was strong and welcoming. He quickly shut the door behind him, nodding to the bouncer as he made his way past him and through the narrow hallway. The place was a lot larger than he had expected – his narrow visage through the door hadn't been near enough to envision what this place was actually like. Rich, dark green velvet curtains swallowed the walls, shadows flickering in the soft light of the candles that he could now see were encased in glass bulbs of blue, green, and white. The bar, a grey and sleek thing, was underlit by green and blue fairy lights, and the bottles on the shelves too, giving the bar the appearance of being lit by luminescent bunches of moss: like a cave, almost, abandoned to time and nature. It had a much more comforting, slightly wacky feel than he expected, and he was lowkey digging the vibe of the place. He settled into his seat just as the woman performing moved onto her second piece. The drink was warm and he sunk into her voice, the soft tones, the lilting notes. Chick had style, too, and he could appreciate that – black, slim fit dress with a faux-feather shimmering overcoat that was draped over her shoulders with an elegant fold. Straight black hair that fell in sheets over her shoulders. Dramatic, Gothic makeup, that somehow, she pulled off in this setting, striking against the dark tone of her skin that shone in the low light of the lounge. She sung with the grace of a well-practiced performer and all of Taakos attention was on her after his drink arrived.  

He couldn’t see the pianist, but it was clear the music was live. The drummer and others – one with a Saxophone, another with something unrecognizable were seated just behind the stage. It was a shame. The music was amazing – way better than that jukebox garbage the Davy Lamp would play. No offense to Ren. He considered for a whole second bringing the gang here before immediately, aggressively denied the thought; Magnus, here? Hed ruin the whole vibe of this place the second that lumberjack stepped through the door with Merle hot on his heels to out-embarrass him. Nah, that wasn't happening, not in a hundred fuckin years. This place was stayin’ a soft secret with him. Taako was allowed a few graces in life that stayed private and this was gonna be one of them. 

A few more songs and one empty glass later the singer announced that the place was closing for the night, and Taako looked at his phone. Fuck – it was nearly one am? Where the hell had that time gone? Jazz was a nightmare – though he wasn’t even sure if this classified as jazz. There had been a heartbreaking lack of sax and not enough shoo-bop, whippity whop-pa's for him to be satisfied. Taako tossed a few coins down on the bar for his drink and waved a goodbye to the bouncer, regretful the second the cold air reminded him of why he had come into the lounge in the first place. Ugh. A few more people filtered out behind him also grumbling about the cold and he stepped out back to the street, trying to convince himself that it wasn’t that far, that he could totally make it there, that he didn’t need to call an Uber. Just a few more blocks and he could be home again – home to a nice, warm, soft bed, an empty fridge and too many wine bottles to be healthy but fuck it, Taako recycled and Taako kept forgetting what day was recycle day. Save the planet, kids. 

Taako pulled his jacket tighter around his shoulders, eager to be home, and walked a little faster.