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English
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Published:
2019-10-22
Updated:
2019-10-26
Words:
11,158
Chapters:
5/?
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the hero chat (noir)

Summary:

rena the rogue: i'm breaking up with you

bee-you-tiful: f

carapeace: welp i guess chat's my boyfriend now

chat noir: i'd like that!

bee-you-tiful: i can't tell if he's joking or if he genuinely would like to date carapace

chat noir: come on, who wouldn't want to date carapace?

ladybug: rena, apparently

rena the rogue: you know what you did

Notes:

i wrote this once and accidentally deleted it and i hate myself

i haven't seen seasons two or three lol

so uhhh a few notes:
- screw canon i'm picking and choosing what i want
- no one knows chloe's queen bee. not even the other miraculous holders. why? because i want hijinx
- i don't know if this is getting continued or not we'll see what i feel like doing

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: welp i guess chat's my boyfriend now

Chapter Text

#general

---> Chat Noir just joined. Can I get a heal?

---> Ermagherd. bee-you-tiful is here.

Chat Noir: Oh my gosh! A real group chat! I've wanted to be in one of these since I first read group chat fanfiction a few years ago. And it's with Ladybug!

bee-you-tiful: hnnnnng

bee-you-tiful: that's right peasants be awed you don't deserve me

Chat Noir: Queenie!

bee-you-tiful: oh no you're one of those people

Chat Noir: What people?

bee-you-tiful: ladybug make me a mod i want to change grandpa's nickname

bee-you-tiful: the capitalization hurts my eyes

Chat Noir: I'm sorry?

ladybug: this was a bad idea

---> Welcome, rena the rogue. Stay a while and listen.

rena the rogue: queenie you would be a horrible mod

---> Swoooosh. carapeace just landed.

carapeace: swoosh

bee-you-tiful: i would not

carapeace: if anyone should be a mod it's chat. i mean he is ladybug's partner

ladybug: chat noir being a mod is almost as bad of an idea as queenie being one

Chat Noir: What's a mod?

bee-you-tiful: excuse you i would make a great mod because

ladybug: if chat became a mod he'd just change everyone's nicknames to puns

ladybug: because what

Chat Noir: I can do that?

ladybug: no

Chat Noir: 3:

bee-you-tiful: ladybug do something about this before i block him

ladybug: who taught chat noir to use cat emoticons

Chat Noir: I'm not completely new to the internet, m'lady.

bee-you-tiful: then why the heck do you type like a grandpa

Chat Noir: My father says that teenagers who text with grammatical errors and no capitalization are lazy and stupid.

rena the rogue: honey my phone automatically capitalizes everything it takes work to text this well

rena the rogue: it's all for the Aesthetic

bee-you-tiful: ew more capitals

bee-you-tiful: chat noir, i say this with the utmost respect but

bee you-tiful: screw your father

carapeace: rdgtiuewyth;ozrjsdz

Chat Noir: ...

chat noir: ...you're right.

rena the rogue: one of us one of us

carapeace: one of us one of us one of us

chat noir: :3

ladybug: i'm proud of you chat

ladybug: but please stop with the cat emojis

chat noir:  :3

chat noir: ooh italics!

ladybug: okay while we're all online i'm going to make a channel with rules

rena the rogue: ew

carapeace: dude rules are there for a reason

rena the rogue: eat the rich

rena the rogue: except for adrien agreste he's cool

chat noir: gthuei;ythioewhtgzb

bee-you-tiful: valid

 

#rules

ladybug: okay grond rules

ladybug: *ground

ladybug: shut up i don't need to be in the channel to know what you're all saying

ladybug: okay number one

ladybug: don't do anything to reveal your identity or that of anyone else

ladybug: don't hint, don't tell it, and don't try to figure anyone else's out

ladybug: that means you rena

ladybug: also please don't spam too much i realize it's nice to have a place to chat with friends but first and foremost this is here to alert each other for hero stuff

ladybug: i love you guys but you have no chill

ladybug: except carapace i guess he's cool

ladybug: i'll just make a channel for akuma alerts i guess

ladybug: please don't spam in there or @everyone unless there's an emergency

ladybug: actually please don't mention me at all unless there's an emergency

ladybug: i have a life i need sleep

ladybug: that's all for now but i will be back

 

#general

rena the rogue: grond

carapeace: grond

bee-you-tiful: grond

chat noir: what?

chat noir: oh

rena the rogue: wow i feel called out

chat noir: !!

chat noir: i love you too ladybug! you're my best friend

rena the rogue: hey @ladybug can i be a mod so i can set some of my own rules 

chat noir: i mean other than plagg and my civilian best friend and my childhood best friend because i love all of them a lot too

carapeace: dude she just said not to @ her

rena the rogue: oops

bee-you-tiful: rena would be a worse mod than me and chat combined

carapeace: that's fair

rena the rogue: aww come on guys i just wanted to outlaw peanut butter

chat noir: peanut butter? why would you want to outlaw peanut butter

rena the rogue: because

chat noir: because what?

rena the rogue: because

chat noir: ...

ladybug: no

ladybug: please don't make me regret this guys

carapeace: can i make a suggestion for the rules

ladybug: i'll take it under advisement

carapeace: no pda

rena the rogue: i'm breaking up with you

bee-you-tiful: f

carapeace: welp i guess chat's my boyfriend now

chat noir: i'd like that!

bee-you-tiful: i can't tell if he's joking or if he genuinely would like to date carapace

chat noir: come on, who wouldn't want to date carapace?

ladybug: rena, apparently

rena the rogue: you know what you did

carapeace: :(

chat noir: :)

carapeace: ...:)

bee-you-tiful: pure

rena the rogue: chat noir? pure? in that suit? i don't think so

chat noir: what's wrong with my suit?

bee-you-tiful: honey

rena the rogue: don't play dumb

ladybug: it's... very "sexy catboy"

rena the rogue: oh my god ladybug just called chat noir sexy

carapeace: nO PDA

bee-you-tiful: no capitals my eyes are dying

chat noir: f

chat noir: but seriously guys. what's wrong with my suit?

ladybug: i mean there's the bell for starters

chat noir: what's wrong with the bell? kids love the bell. it helps keep them calm when i carry them to safety!

bee-you-tiful: you said you read fanfiction. you know

chat noir: know what? what does fanfiction have to do with anything?

rena the rogue: seriously chat stop teasing us

bee-you-tiful: ...lemons

chat noir: what do lemons have to do with fanfiction?

rena the rogue: oh my god he actually doesn't know

ladybug: it's smut chat

chat noir: oh

chat noir:  oh

chat noir:  ohhhh

bee-you-tiful: please stop

chat noir: i don't actually read any of that stuff. it says you have to be majority age for a reason, and the idea of it just makes me feel uncomfortable? i don't know. i mean it's cool if other people or even other aces read it! it's just not for me.

chat noir: and what does that have to do with my suit? i don't think it's inappropriate or anything. i mean, i've worn worse.

carapeace: ignoring the fact that chat says he's worn worse

bee-you-tiful: you're ace?

bee-you-tiful: if you don't mind me asking

rena the rogue: but you flirt so much!

carapeace: aces can be flirty, rena. i mean i'm demi and i've been known to flirt a time or two.

chat noir: yeah, i think so? i mean i'm not 100% sure. i was pretty sheltered growing up and only had one friend. i guess i could just be a late bloomer because of that? but i don't know. the label's just felt right for a few years. i'm not entirely sure on my romantic orientation. i mean my crush on ladybug started as soon as i felt a deep connection with her but that was also like immediately because i'm desperate for friends. so i spent a while after that warring with myself over whether i was really crushing on her or if i just really really wanted to be super close friends. i think it's both. i think. i'm not sure. and all of my friends keep telling me i have a crush on this other girl and it's getting kind of frustrating? because she's a nice person but i can barely get a handle on my feelings for one person let alone two. and platonic relationships are a thing. i don't think i have a crush on her but i actually have no idea what the difference is between feeling a romantic crush and wanting to be close friends with someone so. please someone help.

carapeace: i support you, dude!

chat noir: !!!

chat noir: ace spectrum buddies! -high five-

carapeace: -high five-

bee-you-tiful: thank you for trusting us with that, chat. i kind of get how it feels? it took me forever to realize i was bi and even then it took me a while to actually feel comfortable with that label.

chat noir: you're bi, queenie? that's great! thank you for trusting us.

chat noir: also i have the perfect nickname for you

bee-you-tiful: ...what

chat noir: queen bi!

queen bi: ...i don't hate it

ladybug: wow... that means a lot to me that you would trust us enough to tell us that, chat. thank you. and i'm sorry if i've ever given you mixed signals on our relationship. i mean there's another guy i really like so i never really looked at you like that? i'm a bi disaster

rena the rogue: oh come on you're a functional bi at least

rena the rogue: i'm the disaster pan here

carapeace: i'd like to think i'm a distinguished demi but tbh i'm probably barely functional

queen bi: i'm both distinguished and a disaster at the same time. fear me

rena the rogue: you know, i can't argue with that

queen bi: boys and girls are both so freaking pretty

rena the rogue: can't argue with that logic either

carapeace: hey where did chat and ladybug go

 

Direct Message: @Chat Noir & @ladybug

Chat Noir: no! if anything the fault is mine, ladybug. the most important thing is that i don't make you uncomfortable. and i'm sorry if i ever have and i'll try to do better when you ask me to back off. it doesn't excuse my actions but i genuinely had no idea how coming after you like that could have seemed? there's this girl who's been getting kind of handsy with me lately and i was talking with a friend of mine and he told me that that's sexual harassment? it was making me really uncomfortable and i didn't even know that was a thing that could be happening to me. but it got me thinking about you. and i've been thinking over what to say for a few days but i really wanted to let you know that it wasn't intentional and i'll back off from the flirting and nicknames if you want. please tell me if i make you uncomfortable because i was pushy and a jealous prick and that was wrong of me. you're my friend first and foremost.

ladybug: oh kitty. thank you for saying that. but we're good, okay? i'm so sorry you're going through that and to heck with secret identities please feel free to keep me updated on that situation because that's Not Okay. i'm completely fine with our relationship how it is. you're important to me. you're my best friend and i like the flirting and the nicknames and the banter and keep this a secret please but i even like the puns. as long as you back off when i seriously tell you to, we're good. and it is on me a little, because i should have made my boundaries clearer. if i ever really sound serious about you backing off, please do, but i know you will and i can promise that that moment either won't happen or will happen very rarely. please don't feel bad.

Chat Noir: ladybug, please don't think it's your fault! because it's not. my friend told me that it's never the fault of the person who's being harassed and that's true here too

ladybug: you weren't harassing me, minou, i promise

Chat Noir: promise not to laugh?

ladybug: promise

Chat Noir: it just occurred to me recently that the way i flirt isn't actually how most people flirt? i was super sheltered and i didn't realize that people don't actually flirt like they do in anime until like... three days ago when i was called out on it. i'm an idiot.

ladybug: you're not an idiot. being sheltered doesn't make you stupid.

Chat Noir: nah, i'm just oblivious i guess. or maybe just a disaster ace

ladybug: ily chaton <3

Chat Noir: ily too my lady <333 :3

 

#general

chat noir: ladybug said she likes my puns!

queen bi: we know honey

ladybug: well then

ladybug: chat noir learned to flirt from anime

rena the rogue: yeah we know that too

carapeace: f