Actions

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warning:
Categories:
Fandoms:
Relationships:
Characters:
Additional Tags:
Language:
English
Series:
Part 1 of Best Laid Plans Extended Universe
Collections:
Rain Recs, SakurAlpha's Fic Rec of Pure how did you create this you amazing bean, My Next Life as a Villainess, They Dead, THE 🎵 UBIQ 🦋 ☠ THE 🎭 UNIQUE 🌹
Stats:
Published:
2020-07-05
Updated:
2021-04-11
Words:
117,657
Chapters:
9/?
Comments:
1,733
Kudos:
1,985
Bookmarks:
743
Hits:
61,822

The Best Laid Plans

Summary:

Sometimes people are given a second chance. Sometimes those people are Katarina Claes. There are lots of lessons a would-be villainess could learn from remembering all of the varied ways she could die. What if she learned all the wrong ones? Or… all the right ones?

Notes:

I wanted to see the original Katarina Claes re-plan her life with full knowledge of all of her doom flags (secret ending and post-academy deaths included!), but without the knowledge of a reincarnated otome-loving Japanese teenager. This is obviously going to go smoothly. After all, if there is one thing that Katarina in any form is known for, it is her ability to understand the motivations of the people around her.

Quick note – this will never be explicit, but the accidental BDSM tags are there for a reason. All interactions involving children are strictly non-sexual. If you read this and feel I should add further warning tags, please let me know. On with the show!

(See the end of the work for other works inspired by this one.)

Chapter 1: The Council Convenes

Chapter Text

Prologue: The Council Convenes

The best laid schemes o' mice an' men / Gang aft a-gley

-Robert Burns, “To a Mouse”

One morning when Katarina Claes was eight years old, she woke up and proceeded to die thirty-seven times.

Confused, terrified, and trying desperately to shake the increasingly graphic images of her deaths from her head, Katarina found herself standing in a dark, formless void.

“Good morning,” said a voice from somewhere deep in the darkness.

“Good morning,” echoed a chorus of what sounded like dozens of voices surrounding Katarina on all sides.

Katarina had never thought much on whether or not she was brave (really, she had mostly thought about sweets, clothes, and very recently, how to go spend time with Prince Jeord), but she would not let monstrous creatures in the dark make her look like a whimpering, shivering fool.

After all, Katarina may or may not have been brave, but she was a Claes.

So, chin up and head high, Katarina stood tall as dozens of shadowed shapes emerged from the darkness. As they drew closer, she realized that they all appeared to be shrouded in hooded cloaks and Katarina wondered how her family had angered someone powerful enough to gather a coven of magicians to torture her.

As they suddenly stopped in place, Katarina realized that they had formed a perfect circle around her. Was she… was she going to be some kind of sacrifice?

She had just managed to become engaged to the most gorgeous prince in the world! No one was going to steal her happy future from her!

“We have no intention of stealing your happy future from you, Katarina,” said one of the voices.

As one, all of the figures removed their cloaks from the heads.

“After all,” said the circle in chorus, “we are you.”

~♠~

“Thirty-seven deaths,” said Katarina, staring at these beautiful women who were, undoubtedly, older versions of herself each wearing a large number on the back of her cloak.

“Probably more,” said Katarina 20 (death by Jeord’s sword).

“Definitely more,” she corrected herself, “but these were the ones that we felt would be… most useful.”

“After all,” said Katarina 2 (death by half-brother’s accidental earth magic), “we would like at least one of us to live beyond the age of twenty.”

“You mean,” said Katarina, already feeling numb as memories and emotions and horrifying pain slowly blended itself into her mind, “there isn’t a single one of you who lived longer than twenty?”

“Katarina 35 was probably the closest,” said Katarina 2, “but she’s still traumatized, so it’s best not to talk to her yet.”

“How? Why?” said Katarina, too numb to scream or throw a tantrum or do anything but feel the shock spread through her.

“We drive people into murderous rages,” said Katarina 20, who seemed to be informally chairing the gathering of Katarinas.

“But we’re the perfect Duke’s daughter and all your memories show that we trained perfectly as a future queen!” said Katarina.

“And none of it matters,” said Katarina 2, “if we can’t convince people to not murder us.”

All of the Katarinas nodded as one and the terrified Katarina in the centre stared around at each of them in turn.

“We made commemorative jewellery to help you remember our fates,” said Katarina 7 (death by Jeord’s valet). Each of the Katarinas were indeed wearing a large brooch with a stylized depiction of their death.

Katarina, who had been slowly walking around the circle, looked more closely at Katarina 32’s brooch and winced.

“We are able to share our deaths with you and have you learn how we died, but there is still more we have to share and aid you in surviving. However, we can’t do this without your permission and time is already short. If we are to prevent the worst of our fates, we need to complete this before you become engaged to Prince Jeord,” said Katarina 20.

“But I’m already engaged to Prince Jeord?” said Katarina.

Half of the circle said some very unladylike words that Katarina filed to the back of her mind for later use.

“No matter,” said Katarina 20, “we are smart enough to work even at that kind of disadvantage, but I’m putting the person in charge of the timing of our arrival-”

Here she glared at Katarina 16 (death by chocolate fountain) and then turned back to Katarina “-on notice. We can’t afford any more mistakes, ladies.”

“No mistakes!” shouted the Katarinas.

Katarina was sufficiently shaken to agree to whatever these women wanted. The deaths she had seen were-

“It will get worse,” said Katarina 20. “I’m so sorry, dearheart.”

“What do you need?” said Katarina.

“In order to survive, we can’t just share the deaths with you. You will need to know everything.”

Katarina shuddered. She was still in pain from the violent nature of the deaths she had experienced, but she raised her head and thrust out her chin.

“Show me,” said Katarina.

Then everything vanished.

paindeathsomuchpainhatehatehatewhyfatherwhyturnawayasidiesmileasireachoutpainhatehate

I’m glad you’re gone.

Katarina surfaced with the sheer, malevolent hatred on her beloved Jeord’s face as he ran his sword through her body.

“It can’t be true,” she said. “It can’t be.”

“Oh dearest,” said Katarina 20, gathering the much smaller Katarina into her arms. “Why do you think we returned for you?”

~♠~

It took some time and the death of whatever foolish dreams Katarina had harboured, but finally she was composed, a sharpened blade ready to cut through the information presented to her.

There were so many deaths.

All of the deaths presented to her were murder.

So, so many people were involved.

Nearly everyone that Katarina knew in this life and nearly everyone she would know in the future had assisted or looked on as she was brutally killed in at least one life.

Sometimes it was nobles that she had befriended.

Sometimes it was nobility that she hadn’t yet met.

Sometimes it was commoners that she met in the towns.

Sometimes it was tutors or royalty or knights of the kingdom.

Sometimes it was a maid or a footman.

In one very strange case at the academy, it was a dark figure that Katarina never quite saw, but everyone else was also dying in that situation so she was honestly less hurt by the death.

Her parents… Katarina tried not to think about the deaths involving her parents. She had not even realized there was a line she could cross.

She did now.

Katarina did not allow any emotions to overwhelm her because, above all else, Katarina wanted to survive.

She did not know why she had been granted such invaluable foresight, but the minds of several dozen fused Katarinas were a formidable force indeed. They all, universally, agreed on two things.

Firstly, that in order to live beyond her twentieth birthday, some changes would be necessary.

Secondly, that they should have taken more advantage of the dessert trays when they had the chance.

“After all,” said Katarina 15 (death by strangulation from a footman), “we no longer have to impress Prince Jeord with our self-denial. What a waste of millefeuille!”

“Attention,” said Katarina 20. “Now we can state our full purpose to our dear companion.”

“In order to provide the best chance of survival, we the best and strongest of the past Katarinas have returned to form the Council of Katarinas,” said Katarina 20. “We will help the true Katarina, the best of us all, reach your twentieth birthday!”

Katarina felt a strange burning in her eyes as she bowed to the cheering Katarinas. She raised her head with a fierce light in her eyes. “I will be worthy of the faith you place in me!”

“That said,” said Katarina 2, squinting at the long list in front of her. “We need to get down to business.”

There were so many deaths that it was decided that overcoming them would be tackled in pieces. The most urgent of the situations were the ones addressed immediately.

“While we have come back to assist you,” said Katarina 20, “as mentioned, there were other deaths. Many of them were quite similar to the ones before you. In particular, there were a few deaths that seemed to keep repeating very frequently.”

There were several figures who loomed largely in these repeating deaths, most of whom Katarina had never met.

Her half-brother Keith Claes’ murders were all accidents but largely seemed to be his magic spiraling out of control in response to some curly-haired woman he was dating. “He dated a lot of women,” sniffed Katarina 2. “I’m sorry I can’t be of more assistance.”

Since Katarina was going to meet Keith shortly, the Council tabled any decisions about to handle him until they actually knew more of what they were facing. None of the Katarinas remembered much of the childhood of their bastard half-brother. Honestly, Katarina was more upset at the incontrovertible proof that her father was a horrible person who had deserted her and Millidiana, her mother.

Nicol Ascart was the son of the prime minister, and as tremblingly revealed by Katarina 29 and Katarina 30, known as the “devilish earl” once he reached adulthood. Both of his deaths were not directly caused by Nicol, but Katarina had no intention of going anywhere near him. After seeing what he could plan when given the opportunity, Katarina didn’t want to be on his bad side. Katarina didn’t want to be on his good side. Katarina just wanted to be several continents away from Nicol Ascart. She still wasn’t sure what had set him off for either of the truly creative and devilish deaths, but it apparently had something to do with a light magic user that he loved that Katarina humiliated at the Ministry of Magic.

“So avoidance,” said Katarina, nodding her head. It should be simple enough to never come into contact with Nicol, wouldn’t it? After all, Katarina had no intention of being on the same continent post-graduation and would have no opportunity to interact with the Ministry of Magic.

Prince Alan Stuart tended to murder Katarina after their time together at the country’s premier academy, often at a public event and mostly because she had offended someone dear to him. Fortunately, dealing with him would be relatively simple.

If Katarina befriended Lady Mary, the prince’s fiancée, the prince should have no reason to be irritated with her. In addition to avoiding offence in the first place, they were quite devoted to one another and the prince would be more likely to see what he and Katarina had in common if she was close to his dearest person. After all, if there were any two people who knew what it was like to suffer in Prince Jeord’s shadow, it should be the two of them. Still, Katarina couldn’t shake the memory of the cold expression on his face as he pierced her heart with the ice crystal.

Katarina frowned. But her death hadn’t been because of Lady Mary had it? Katarina had offended someone else? Katarina 18 (death by ice crystal) shrugged. “I wasn’t really paying attention. In that life, Prince Alan was with some blonde commoner and not Lady Mary.”

Jeord was…

Jeord was…

In every life, no matter how other relationships changed, Katarina had ceaselessly unchangingly focused on winning the love of the third prince of Sorcier, Jeord Stuart. In every life, even if Katarina remained his fiancée (Katarina 20 said that he had moved on with some woman named Maria when he stabbed her), her engagement was-

“I really can’t love him,” said Katarina.

“No,” said Katarina 20 gently.

“He hates me,” said Katarina. “In every life where he’s near enough to see… He’s happy when I die.”

The Council’s silence was more than answer enough.

“He spends years,” said Katarina, her fists shaking, “using me to keep other women away while making me look like the worst kind of fool.”

She raised her head hopefully. “Can I kill him? Wouldn’t that prevent-”

“No,” said the Council.

Katarina’s shoulders fell.

“But,” said Katarina 20 soothingly, “if you just stay away from him until the reason he agreed to the engagement fades you may be able to catch him sufficiently off-guard that he would agree to end the engagement.”

Katarina touched her scarred forehead, her face blooming into a smile. “Of course! If he already hates me, he’ll be glad to be rid of me!”

Fortunately, she didn’t see the other Katarinas exchange worried glances.

“So what do all of these frequent murders have in common?” said Katarina 2 hastily, pushing her glasses up her face.

“They are all caused by men!” cheered out the Katarina council.

Men, apparently, were all murderous creatures, thought Katarina.

“Obviously, the solution is to flee the country and to limit my acquaintance only to women and pets,” said Katarina. “I will need to cultivate pets and lady friends as soon as possible.”

It would be a life devoid of romance, but she was sure that she could convince some kind lady friend to have frequent sleepovers!

“Is there anything else I should know?” said Katarina.

“There is one more death that we thought might be useful,” said Katarina 20, “but I think that is best saved for an absolute emergency.”

The circle almost sounded ghostly as a chorus of Katarina 38 went up around the Katarinas.

Katarina shivered involuntarily and tried to refocus on Katarina 20 who banged a suddenly appearing gavel to gain the Katarinas’ attention.

“So what have we learned?” said Katarina 20.

“We are unlovable,” said the Council of Katarinas in chorus. “No matter what we do, the people we love will betray us.”

“But?” prompted Katarina 20. The Council spoke as one voice. “We are smart and strong and capable of tricking people into tolerating us until we can flee somewhere warm with good desserts!”

“And pets and lady friends,” said Katarina 19 (death by tree). “And pets and lady friends,” said the rest of the Council.

“So it is decided,” said the Council. “So shall it be.”

~♠~

Katarina bolted upright in her bed as a terrified maid opened her curtains. “G-good morning, your ladyship.”

“Yes,” said Katarina, as a smile slowly spread across her face. “It will be.”

~♠~