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Chapter Text

Ocean Park Boulevard ends by the sea. It crosses Lincoln Boulevard and Main Street and if you walk west you will end up at the beach a third of a mile away from the Santa Monica Pier. 

It was a multi-family house. One in the front, facing the street, one in the back, and a third house on the second floor. Tony lived in the first one and there was nothing he hated more there than the bedroom windows. There was a back door in the kitchen that faced the stairs that led to the other house on the second floor and his neighbor’s back door. 

Ah, the other house! Two bathrooms, two bedrooms, one of them a suite big enough to fit seven people, a living room with a fireplace and a sun deck, a big kitchen, newly installed tiles, and a laundry room.

What did Tony have? Two small bedrooms, one bathroom with windows way too low so he had to take a shower with his window closed (otherwise the neighbors would see him naked), and a small kitchen with a washing machine that never allowed people to fully open the door to the smallest living room in the world.

Tony wanted that house. The one in the back. He was about to talk to the owners to change places when he saw the new neighbor carrying the boxes inside. 

Stephen hated that house. The other room that he used as an office was the room with the back door, and when Stephen wanted to throw his trash the shortest way was through the office, which meant he had to walk around the room with a bag full of leftovers or a bag full of dirty containers. He hated the idea of his office and his trash bags meeting every other day, but he did it anyway.

Tony could get the most comfortable bus in the world to the pier or walk to Main street and get a five-minute bus to the Marina, it didn’t matter, but as much as he hated the house he knew he was living in the best place he could imagine.

Stephen had been living in the back house for a few weeks, and he thought the house was huge. The kitchen was too big, the two bathrooms were useless to someone living alone, the office door was too small and the closet was too big. So big he could live there if he wanted to. The sun deck was also useless. He never had friends over for anything. He doubted he still had friends at all. 

Tony hated his back door neighbor. He hadn’t met him, but he thought the man had terrible parking skills and he never cooked. For god's sake, who has a huge kitchen and orders take-outs that often?

He had moved to Los Angeles a few months before Stephen moved to the back house. Tony was already spending way too much time in town anyway, so it wouldn’t make any difference. His job and half of his friends were there. He was barely staying in Australia, so he packed his bags and moved to Los Angeles in the first opportunity he had. 

Stephen was in Los Angeles for a considerable amount of time. It was better than his hometown, for sure. There he could be himself, do what he wanted to do, and life was slightly less miserable for that.

Tony never met his neighbor. Stephen never met his neighbor. That wasn’t Stephen’s hometown, so he thought he didn’t have to introduce himself. Tony had the same thought. 

Chapter Text

Tony was twenty-four.

Stephen was twenty-five. 

It all started in June of that year.

Stephen had problems at home. He left New Hope in Pennsylvania behind, unfortunately not forever. His siblings were his reason to go back. His parents Eugene and Beverly were his reason to stay as far as possible, so he grabbed the first opportunity he got and left his town without looking back. He fought as much as he could, worked his ass off for years so he wouldn’t have to ask for a single penny, and left everything he didn’t have to try something else, a life, away from all of that. 

Tony had everything he wanted. Promising career, amazing team, good family, inexplicable support from people all over the world, and he deserved to be there. He did his best, worked hard, and left the other side of the world for his mom.  Twenty years before that year his parents bought a flight ticket, packed their bags, and took a flight to Australia, more specifically Sandy Point, probably the smallest town at the edge of the world. Population: 270. Location: three hundred and sixty miles from Melbourne and two feet away from nothing. Tourist attractions: there aren’t any other than trees and water.

Maria and Howard never left. They opened their B&B in Sandy Point, made friends, and started their own business, but Tony never belonged there. He packed his bags at eighteen, searching for experiences he hadn’t lived before, and Sydney was his home for a few years before Los Angeles. His first real gig after being the Shampoo boy and the cereal guy for so long was a tv show. Three seasons of a soapy drama about college students falling in love after the end of the world and suddenly he was famous. Don’t ask. He doesn’t know how it happened either, but he was the face of a new Christmas movie he would start shooting in December, so for the next year, fame wouldn’t simply disappear. Tony wouldn’t change it for the world. 

If Stephen could change anything, he would change most of his life, or even that November night twenty-five years before. He wasn’t the one to blame, he just didn’t know how to be someone else or how to live another life. Everything he knew was that he wasn’t a good person, because in his mind, bad things never happened to good people and bad things happened to him all the time. 

The first eight years of Stephen’s life were great, and then things started to change to a point where everything was unbearable. When he was fifteen he got a job in another city a few miles away from his hometown so he could be away from his house as much as possible. When he left New Hope in Pennsylvania, Dylan went along. Stephen was a very patient man, that’s for sure. His boyfriend had been a problem for years now. To him, life was like that. No choices, just life. 

Tony used to put his headphones on, listen to music as loud as he could, or pretend he wasn’t at home. Usually, he would open the front door and leave discreetly and would walk up the street to the bus stop because it wasn’t his place to hear it. The thing is: he didn’t know.

Stephen was ashamed. He knew when the neighbor was at home and that he could hear them, and that’s why he never introduced himself. Because he didn’t know how, because he would have to explain to Dylan why he was talking to another man, or even put Tony in a place no one deserved to be. He was ashamed when the screaming started because he knew people were listening, he knew they could hear them. Most of the time he was left alone, crying, in pain. Life was more than that he just didn’t know.

Tony knew how life was. He had been to mesmerizing places, had seen a bit of everything, had experienced the best things the world had to offer, had met people all over the planet, always kind, trying to be around him, always trying to please him for the person he would become. He had seen the best studios, the best theaters, the best cinemas. He had watched the best plays, tv shows, movies. He had met some honorable people, some of the biggest names in the world, and had heard crowds scream his name. 

There was a bus stop twenty feet away from the house if you walked west, but when they were fighting Tony would walk half a mile east to another bus stop just to make sure they wouldn’t see him leave the house.

Tony didn’t know what was going on. Most of the time he thought he didn’t have to know, the only thing he knew was that those weren’t words someone deserved to hear.

Stephen thought he deserved even if his entire life he had never done anything bad to deserve it, but that was how life was, in his opinion. Stephen was broken. As broken as the camera that Dylan had just thrown at him, and the boyfriend left him there, crying, completely alone.

Tony was whole. Messages from fans, tweets, smiles, and little gifts made him whole. Tony knew how to put people’s pieces back together, he knew how to enchant, how to make them feel loved. He knew that was the reason people were in the world: to love. To make others feel good, special, worthy.

Stephen was beyond repair. He had nothing. He had a broken camera, money to pay the rent, and a boyfriend that made him feel awful at least twice a day. He deserved everything life was throwing at him. 

Chapter Text

The first time Tony paid attention to Stephen’s trash was a week before the end of the third season of his show, in June. They were about to finish shooting, and Tony couldn’t be happier when his manager called saying they got renewed for a fourth season. Tony loved the show, his colleagues, the feeling of going for coffee, signing some autographs.

That Friday morning he got up, had breakfast, and took his trash bags to the trash can outside when he found it:  the kleenexes were red due to the blood, and it was the only thing that wasn’t inside the trash bag.

That Friday morning Stephen didn’t leave for work.

Tony hadn’t heard the screams because he was out. They had stayed at the studio until after two am so he didn’t hear it.

The evening before Stephen had taken the trash out a few minutes before Dylan arrived. They got into a fight, which resulted in Stephen’s upper lip bleeding. Dylan left. Stephen slept on the little couch he had in the office so he wouldn’t have to sleep alone in his bedroom, and he threw the kleenexes in the trash can because he didn’t want to face it the next morning.

It hadn’t been the first time. The physical fights started a year into their relationship. Luckily, they both had their own apartment, so Stephen wouldn’t have to deal with Dylan after the aggressions because Dylan would always leave dramatically, and Stephen would be alone for the next few days.

 Stephen was used to it.

He knew it would take three days for Dylan to show up again, so he stayed home sleeping, not wanting to go to work with a swollen lip. 

Tony frowned. He knew what that meant because he was used to the screams. He was used to listening to Stephen’s boyfriend yell at him as if he was worthless. As if he didn’t have feelings. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. 

He looked to the house for a second and wondered. It was the first time Tony thought things had gone beyond verbal aggression. He already hated Dylan without even knowing him, but now things were different. That was different.

He checked the time. Ten past eight. He got his phone and called Nat.

“What?”

“I’ll be late.”

“Oh, please don’t do that.”

“Just hold the fort for a second, I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

“I hate you.” Tony smiled.

He headed to the house taking a deep breath. It wasn’t too hard, was it? What could go wrong? He stopped at the door with his fist in the air, about to knock.

What if it wasn’t that? What if Stephen cut himself cooking? What if it was his nose? Also, what would he do? What would he say?

“Hi, I noticed you threw some kleenexes in the trash because I always pay attention to the things you throw away, are you okay?”

And then it hit him. Everything. Everything could go wrong. The boyfriend could still be there, he could be the one who opened the door, and then what? He could put the neighbor in danger. He could put himself in danger. 

It seemed like a dumb idea now. He didn’t even know the neighbor, and maybe it was what he thought. Maybe it was just a kitchen accident, a bleeding nose, a paper cut. He would talk to Stephen, introduce himself, but at a time he was sure the boyfriend wasn’t around. Besides, he knew Stephen used to leave for work before eight, so he probably wasn’t even at home.

Tony didn’t know Stephen was at home. He didn’t know the blood was the result of aggression. He didn’t know that that wasn’t the first time.

He left the house and crossed the street in time to take the bus.

 (...)

On Monday Stephen was feeling better. He hadn’t seen Dylan during the weekend, which meant that the boyfriend would show up that day, but Stephen was prepared.

He never fought back. Never. Dylan was stronger than him and Stephen had nowhere to go. He had the house in New Hope and the house in Los Angeles and nothing else. His relationship stopped him from meeting people in California, and all the friends he had in Pennsylvania were also Dylan’s friends, so he didn’t know if he could trust them.

Dylan showed up on Monday, and it would feel like nothing had happened for him. He would apologize, say he was sorry, that it wouldn’t happen again, and that was just a bad day. Stephen wouldn’t believe it. He knew everything would happen again in two weeks when the cuts and bruises had healed. 

When the physical aggression started they were still living in New Hope. Stephen couldn’t break up. That meant he wouldn’t have a place to go when things at home got ugly, so he forgave him. If only he had broken up! If he knew Dylan would follow him to Los Angeles he would have broken up that day, but he thought things would end once he told Dylan he was moving to the city of angels.

Dylan jumped out of the bed, held his face on his hand, kissed him, and said: “Los Angeles sounds excellent! I can find a job there. Sounds great!”

Stephen wanted to say what he was thinking, but he put a smile on his face instead and let Dylan go ahead with the idea.

In the summer of 2013, Dylan beat him for the first time. Unable to go home he called his best friend, who let him stay over. That was the last time Stephen talked to him. Dylan found him in the friend’s room and his jealousy spoke louder. Stephen still remembers how he begged Dylan to stop, trying, desperately, take him away from Aaron, but he wasn’t strong enough. Aaron’s father was the one who took him away from his unconscious son. Stephen never spoke to him again.

After that his friends left, afraid they would be Dylan’s next target. No one did a single thing to help.

Stephen didn’t dare to break up. He couldn’t. Every time he thought about it that afternoon would just appear in his mind, and he would stop himself from doing it.

He went to the office that Monday morning. Stephen was a designer in an office on Abbot Kinney Boulevard, between Venice and Marina Del Rey. He spent almost eleven hours at work, five days a week just so he wouldn’t have to be alone at home. When he had photoshoots to do he would just not show up to work, because he was ahead of schedule all the time, anyway.

Now? Now his camera was broken.

That was what Tony found in the trash that Monday morning. Stephen’s old camera in the trash can.

Maybe it was time to do something. 

Stephen took too long to get rid of it. It was the first camera he bought, and the only one he had. He didn’t come home early that Monday. He was stuck trying to finish an HTML, so he stayed at work for thirteen hours.

Tony arrived from Porter Ranch a little after seven-thirty pm. He had taken the day off to do some things, and now he was tired. He got home through the kitchen door, noticing that all the lights in Stephen’s house were off, so he made dinner with his door open.

Tony saw when he got home. He was by the oven next to the door cooking. They looked at each other for a second and nodded, unsure of what to say.

Tony knew what that meant. Stephen was probably alone.

Stephen found it odd when someone knocked on the office door, and he couldn’t see anyone through the glass. He opened the door to find the blue bag on the porch. Inside the bag there was a new camera and two camera lenses. 

Chapter Text

Stephen was scared. He thought he would die, that someone would show up and stab him to death or something like that, and now the neighbor wasn’t there anymore. His door was closed and his lights were off. 

The neighbor.

Probably the only reasonable explanation to all of that.

The neighbor?

Why would he give Stephen two brand new lenses and a camera twice as good as his old one if they didn’t even know each other’s names? 

Who spends that much money on a stranger?

Stephen opened the box to look at it. It was a camera. It wasn’t a brick or a shelf clock. It was a real camera. He couldn’t believe it. Why?

Tony had gone to Porter Ranch to buy some things. In the town center there was a Best Buy, a Walmart, a CVS, a Bath & Body, and since he was already there he just bought the camera. It was harmless, and he had the money anyway.

Stephen learned not to care. He never had birthday parties, the tooth fairy that never came, holidays that were just dates, Christmas was just a reminder of what other families had that his family hadn’t. Feelings.

As time went by and things changed neglect came differently. Birthdays were never remembered, he didn’t have anyone to share things, feelings, moments. His friends weren’t there. Donna got the recognition, Victor had all the attention and he had nothing. Family trips never happened, romantic ones stopped too early in the relationship, because there was nothing there. They were two. The first afraid to break up, the second who loved only the control he had, the power over the younger one.

Control had replaced every other feeling Dylan had. The good moments were over. Now things were meaningless, everything was too involuntary, too unintended. It was survival mode and nothing more. Stephen thought life was like that.

He wasn’t used to all of that. With presents. Real ones, not because the person had an obligation, but because they wanted to make him happy. He smiled.

It was a feeling he hadn’t had in a long time.

He heard someone open the front door and hid the camera under some blankets in the office closet.  He found Dylan halfway to the living room.

“Is everything okay?” Stephen nodded. “Babe, look…”

“I’m fine.” 

“Stephen, we need to talk.” 

“No, we don’t.” He put both hands on the counter, in the kitchen. “Where have you been?”

“I’ve been thinking.”

“Yeah? With how many?”

“Don’t talk to me like that. I’m here to apologize.”

“Great. Apologies accepted, please just go home, I’m tired.”

“Are you sure? We can…” He held Stephen’s arms, a smile on his lips.

God, please, not tonight. 

He thought he didn’t have the energy to deal with all of that. With Dylan forcing him to do something he didn’t want to. Please, not tonight. 

Stephen heard someone knock on his door and frowned. His face worked even faster than his mind, suddenly he looked worried. What if it was the neighbor?

God, please, not tonight.

Dylan was faster. He walked to the door first, with Stephen right behind him, his heart pounding against his chest, praying to all the gods that he could pray that Dylan wouldn’t do anything to the neighbor if it was actually him.

He felt like crying.

In front of him, a polite smile on her face was Nat, the landlady. Maybe two or three years older than them she got the three houses a few years before after her grandparents passed away. It was all hers now, and she managed to be the best landlady Stephen could think off.

Behind her, maybe three meters from there, Tony was standing near the fence. 

“The problem is, Pepper, that he thinks just because he’s the director he can cut her off like that, and I am not, as the lead, gonna let that happen, so he has to make up his mind. He can have both or he can have none of us.” 

“Hey, guys! Can we talk?”  He saw Dylan let her in, and they walked to the couch.

“Buck and I are changing some things, we’ve been kinda busy lately and we have some plans, so we were thinking if you, Stephen, are okay with changing the payment day to later in the month.”

“Oh, of course. Sure.” She smiled.

“Great. Maybe we can start next year, what do you think? You just ignore the date and pays me later all forty days.”

“I’ll be happy to. What are you guys doing?”

“Hm, we’re buying a house in South Africa.”

“Oh, yeah, nothing big.” She smiled. “I’ll be happy to help.”

“Thank you. I gotta go. I see you guys. I have some people to talk to.” She got up, gave Stephen a hug and left. 

The door was still open when he turned to Dylan.

“Maybe you could use the open door and leave through it, please.” Dylan closed his eyes for a second before doing it. He left. 

“Fine, I’ll be there tomorrow, just don’t expect I’ll enjoy it.” Tony said when Dylan passed through him on his way out. He felt like putting his foot in front of Dylan just to see him fall. He looked at Stephen, whose door was still open, the man watching the boyfriend leave.

(...)

Tony was late. Of course he was. He got up and brushed his teeth while packing, then he tried to get dressed while putting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

Stephen answered the phone call. It was a private number.

“Stephen, it’s Donna. We need to talk.” 

Tony heard the car horn outside and left the house running, one suitcase on one hand, a half-opened backpack on the other, dragging the jacket across the floor because he couldn’t hold the backpack, pick up the jacket, put his cell phone in his pocket and carry a suitcase on the other hand like that and still lock the kitchen door. He heard the horn one more time.

“I’M FUCKING GOING. IF YOU HIT THE HORN ONE MORE TIME I’LL BURY YOU IN THE FUCKING DESERT.” He yelled. When he turned around to leave he saw Stephen on the stairs, his eyes red, crying like there was no tomorrow, a cell phone in his hand. 

“TONY STARK I’LL MURDER YOU.” Pepper yelled back from the car. “IF WE MISS THIS FUCKING FLIGHT I’LL MURDER YOU.” 

Tony was hesitant. He wanted to stay. He wanted to drop all the five pounds of luggage he was carrying and hug the neighbor and listen to him and his problems, but he couldn’t.

He and Stephen exchanged a look for half a second and Tony left running, almost falling on his way to the car. He couldn’t miss the flight to San Francisco, because if he did he would miss the lecture and he was the one speaking, and he couldn’t afford to let five hundred San Francisco State students wait for him, and he definitely couldn’t afford to listen to Pepper complaining about how irresponsible he was and how big that opportunity was, so he got in the car and let her drive away.

Tony would be back in ten hours, he could talk to Stephen then. 

Stephen didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to move his arms and stop himself from crying. He watched Tony leave, his arms full, dropping things on his way to the car. And that made him cry more. He felt alone, he felt hopeless. He wanted to run like Tony was running, he wanted to take a flight to New Hope, he wanted to help, but he knew there was nothing he could do to change that. He knew it. The feeling seemed endless.

Ah, Stephen, I’m so sorry.

Stephen never felt anger, never felt jealous, he never cared that he was the outcast. He loved his siblings, he did. It was not their fault. Stephen always thought it was his fault.

It wasn’t

He thought about the last time he saw the younger brother. Maybe it was the last time he actually felt something. The last time he felt happy.

They were together in Pennsylvania. It was January. Stephen was home for the holidays. He remembered how things would get a hundred times better from the moment Victor would walk through the door and give him a hug. How that day Victor put his blue suitcase on the floor and threw his coat full of snow on the couch, which made Beverly yell at him. Stephen held his laugh.

He thought about the day they were outside, only the two of them, how Stephen pushed threw a snowball at him and their little snowball fight started. Victor held his face between his hands and said:

“I love you, you know that? You are the most amazing and strongest person I know and I really hope, Stephen, I really hope you find happiness in this life, because you’re my inspiration and when I graduate university I wanna be like you.” 

Stephen held himself for a second, feeling cold in the middle of the summer. He held his tears, his throat burning. 

Victor was in a hospital bed, a plastic tube down his throat trying to make him breathe.

He had left college with his friends, trying to get back home for summer and now he was between life and death. No one had hope. He was the one driving, but it wasn’t his fault. The driver slept at the wheel and there was nothing Victor could do. 

It wasn’t his fault, Stephen. It was nobody’s fault.

He looked at his phone. It was Dylan.

“Hey, are you home? I’m going.”

“You don’t have to.” Stephen used his t-shirt to clean his face. “I need to go to work.”

“You don’t have to, Stephen. You have the right to not go.”

“I need to. I have a deadline.”

“Okay, but if you need anything just call me and I’ll go pick you up, okay? I love you.” Stephen hung up without answering. He couldn’t do that now. 

The phone call came around seven pm that day. He was at work. 

It was the same number. A private one, but it wasn’t Nicola who called that time. Stephen didn’t say anything, he waited for someone to say something.

“I’m so sorry, son, I’m so sorry.” It was Beverly.

Stephen was the younger brother now.

No, no he wasn’t. Nothing would replace his younger brother. 

Not even the emptiness he felt immediately. 

Chapter Text

Stephen leaned down, pushing the black chair away from the desk and held its edges, trying to keep himself from falling, he put his head between his arms and cried. He wanted to scream.

Half his coworkers were still in the building when he leaned down and started crying, but he didn’t wanna cry around other people. Nobody went there and asked if he needed anything, they just watched for a second and turned up the volume. 

He felt a hand on his leg and another one on his back. People knew he was crying, nobody asked why.

“Come on, babe, let’s go home.” It’s Dylan. He’s there. How did he get there so fast? 

It wasn’t so fast. Stephen had been crying for way too long. So long that Dylan had time to beat the traffic from West Hollywood to Venice beach. 

“Let’s go home, love. It’s time to go home.”

Victor was dead. His younger brother. Victor. Hed watched his brother grow up, he had watched him conquer amazing things at an early age. His oldest memory was Victor. The first thing he remembered, Victor on the other side of a glass, Beverly’s hand inside the incubator, his father next to him and Donna showing them their new brother. He remembers his brother a few days after being born and now he remembers his brother a few days before his death.

Stephen wanted to be dead.

 He didn’t want to be there. He wanted to hug his brother one more time. Victor was the only person he wanted to hug.

Dylan stood up and supported his back to help him get up. Stephen hugged him. He cried not caring about the loud noise. Life took away the best person in his life, what for?

“I’m sorry.” Dylan didn’t understand why Stephen was apologizing. Stephen’s tears were wetting his shirt, Stephen had to apologize.

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s not your fault.” Dylan’s hand held his head against his chest. He knew there was nothing in the world that he needed to do other than take care of Stephen, because Stephen was broken, he knew that, he just didn’t know how to deal with it most of the time. He didn’t know how to deal with his anger.

“Let’s go home, my love.” Stephen let Dylan help him get to the car, like a child that can’t walk without their mom holding his hand.

Inside the car he screamed, because it hurt. Dylan let him scream. He didn’t care. He didn’t turn on the car radio, he didn’t roll down the car window, he did nothing. He just started the car and left. 

Dylan didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know if he could hug Stephen, if he gave Stephen all the time he needed.

Stephen didn’t know he was there entirely, truly concerned, one hundred percent there for him.

Dylan parked the car behind the house, on Ocean Park and stayed in the car, facing the white wall. Stephen couldn’t get in the house. He helped him get out, but he felt as if he was watching Dylan’s face help him a thousand miles away from there, as if he wasn’t actually there.

Stephen stopped in front of the office door, unable to move. He felt Dylan hug him and he let himself cry on him again.

Tony passed through them in the hall and opened his door, getting in. His heart weighting a thousand pounds from seeing the neighbor cry like that.

It was like time had stopped for Tony. He had had a wonderful day, a long, tiring, amazing day, but he couldn’t put himself there anymore. It felt like another lifetime. 

He stayed in the living room, lying down on the couch, waiting for a sound, anything, in the other house. That happened until around one thirty am when he finally slept.

Stephen tried, but he couldn’t sleep. He got up in the middle of the night, walked to the corridor that connected the street to the garage and started walking in circles. He allowed himself to cry what he thought he hadn’t cried in a while. For a second he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to stop.

When Tony woke up in the middle of the night and noticed that his kitchen light was on he got up and saw the neighbor outside through the kitchen window. Stephen was on the floor, kneeled on the concrete, his head down, a loud cry that Tony could hear from there even with the window closed. 

He left the house and walked toward him. His hands touched Stephen’s back, who got jumpy.

“Please, please leave. Please, get out of here.” He whispered. He didn’t want to be alone, but Dylan was sleeping in his room and he didn’t want him waking up and seeing him with the neighbor outside the house in the middle of the night. It wouldn’t be pretty.

“Stephen…” The neighbor knew his name. He didn’t know the neighbor’s name. Stephen got embarrassed for a second. He knew how the neighbor had learned his name. Because of Dylan. Because of the fights.

“Please. Get in through the front door.” Stephen took a deep breath. “And leave me here.”

He had to lean in to listen to what Stephen was saying, because his voice was almost inaudible.

Tony knew he couldn’t just turn his back to someone broken. He knew he couldn’t do what Stephen was asking. He felt the need to hold him, to take care of him and not leave him alone. He had a week off. A whole week stuck inside the house with nothing to do, so he could take care of Stephen. He could put his pieces back together and it would be a nice thing to do, because Stephen seemed like he didn’t deserve that much suffering. It was too much.

“Please.” Stephen asked one more time. “I need to be alone.”

Stephen didn’t need to. He didn’t want to, but it felt like it was the right thing to say.

Tony nodded. He did what Stephen asked. He walked back to the house through the front door, not knowing why.

Dylan was home. 

When Dylan woke up, the next morning and found the bed empty he walked around the house looking for Stephen. He found him in the corridor, his back against the other house, sleeping on the concrete, his head on his own shoulder. 

Dylan took him in his arms, because he knew he couldn’t wake him up. He knew that if he did Stephen wouldn’t go back to sleep.

“Can you open the door for me?” Tony was leaving the house. He looked at a sleeping Stephen on his boyfriend’s arms and that threw him off for a second. He had slept on the corridor?

Nobody deserved a life like that.

Chapter Text

- If you could replace someone here for a complete stranger who would you replace? -

“What? No.”

“Come on, baby T. You have to answer that. You can answer or the consequence. Your shoes in the bonfire.” He looked at his brand new pair of shoes. 

“No way.” Around the bonfire Pepper, Carol, Bruce, Thor, Sam, Loki, Scott and Hope were waiting for him to do something. 

“Loki…” Loki smiled.

“The shoes. In the bonfire.”

Tony wouldn’t throw away his new shoes like that. No way. He would throw himself in it before he would throw the pair of shoes.

“What do you mean by “replace”? Is it permanent?

“No, just during the holiday.” Tony closed his eyes for a second.

“This stranger… Can I know their name?”

“No. It has to be a complete stranger.”

“Man or woman?”

“It’s up to you.”

“Carol. I would replace Carol.” The younger sister looked at him, offended.

“Worst part? You’re not replacing me for a stranger, you’re replacing me to save a pair of shoes.”

“Carol, you’re my sister. I’ve known you your entire life. These shoes are exclusive. They were literally made for me. It’s only on the holiday. I’ve been seeing you every day for eighteen years, I can’t choose anyone else.”

Carol gave him the finger. Tony blinked at her.

It was Sunday, a day before the fourth of July. They had left Los Angeles on Thursday in the afternoon, stopped to sleep in Santa Maria and kept driving along the Pacific Coast highway to the Big Sur.

Tony had thought about Stephen. The neighbor was a complete stranger and a complete mystery to him. Why not? It would be interesting to get to know him there.

Tony hadn’t heard from him in three weeks. The real Stephen, the one who used to order fast food and eat all that frozen food wasn’t there anymore. When Tony opened the garbage can outside everything he would find were peels, food scraps and real food. The real Stephen was gone and now Dylan was the one doing the cooking.

Tony also noticed that every time he decided to use the car, instead of taking the bus, Dylan’s car was there, like a permanent image behind Stephen’s car in the garage. The boyfriend would never leave. He was always there and after a while Tony started to think that he had moved in, because he would sleep there every night and the fights had stopped.

The moments they would see each other were rare now. Tony would wake up after Stephen had left with Dylan and when Tony arrived home both of them were already inside their house.

Stephen didn’t bury his brother. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t get there in time if he had gone by car and he didn’t want to take a flight there. He thought he didn’t have the strength to do it, anyways. He didn’t know how his family would react, he didn’t know if he would survive if he watched his brother’s casket being lowered into the ground like that. He definitely wouldn’t. He barely survived the idea of it.

His boyfriend was different and now Stephen felt like he was all he had.

Stephen barely recognized him. He knew it was just a phase, that everything would be back to normal, but for now things were calm. It even seemed like a real relationship, with commitment, with trust.

Dylan would take him to work and pick him up at the end of the day, he would cook, he wouldn’t touch Stephen if Stephen weren’t the one touching him first. He would stay home every night and on the weekends Stephen was the one deciding what they would do. If Stephen wanted to stay home they would. If Stephen wanted to go out they would. It was how Stephen’s life was supposed to be, not just because he lost his brother, but because he deserved it. These were small things that Dylan never did during all the years together.

Stephen felt nothing. He had realized that the relationship with Dylan was bad not only because of the abuse, but because he didn’t like the boyfriend. He didn’t love him. There weren’t good feelings, which was making him feel anxious all the time, especially now with Dylan following him and being with him all the time. Stephen was full of all that, he was tired of that situation. The future felt unbearable if Dylan stayed.

He knew the lack of feelings wasn’t because of Victor, but he knew deep down his relationship with Dylan meant nothing.

Tony looked at his friends. There was nothing in the world better than feeling your heart full.

He got up in silence while the others were talking and left the bonfire behind, walking away without them noticing. The deal was that they wouldn’t use their phones during the trip. No tweets, no texts, no phone calls. Maybe some pictures, but they also wouldn’t post anything on Instagram, or send any pictures to anyone, not even each other. He turned the airplane mode off and realized there was no service there.

Thinking about Stephen left him slightly worried. He wanted to call Nat to make sure Stephen was fine and that his boyfriend hadn't done anything wrong or bad, but he couldn’t call her.

He sat on the floor, near the waterfall, far from the camp, where the light of the bonfire couldn’t reach anymore and Tony had to use the flashlight to help him see. 

The problem when you think too much is that, most of the time, you end up finding yourself in a place you don’t want to be.

Tony wasn’t that happy anymore. He walked away, only God knows why, and now he felt a bit unhappy. 

How can you be happy when other people are not? How can you enjoy your fourth of July if your neighbor might be fighting with his boyfriend?

Tony couldn’t understand why, in the last month, he felt this need to protect the neighbor. He believed everyone deserved a happy life. He wanted to help people and sometimes that was bigger than wanting to help himself, but people fight with their partners all the time, they cry, they break up, their cameras break, so why with Stephen things felt so different?

The new camera was still hidden in the closet under the blankets. Stephen was afraid, with Dylan so close, that he would end up finding the present, but it was hot, Dylan had no reasons to open the closet in the office. 

Tony felt two bodies sitting next to him. He didn’t look at them.

“What’s wrong?” Hope asked. Tony kept looking ahead, to the water falling in the dark. “Tones.”

“I think… I don’t know.”

“Are you sad? Was it Loki’s question?” Tony shook his head. “Carol is joking, she knows you didn’t say it for real.”

“I know. I just wanted to think.” Hope nodded and looked at her boyfriend.

“Is there something going on?” Scott asked. Tony looked at a tree, then he looked at him. 

“I have a new neighbor. He’s been living there for three months, I think.” Hope tried to hide her smile.

“Do you like him?”

“He seems nice, but I think he’s in a bad relationship.”

“What do you mean?” 

“I think his boyfriend is violent when they fight.”

“Have you seen it?” Scott asked. Tony shook his head. I mean, he never saw it, but sometimes you know when something is wrong. “So why do you think that?”

“They fight. A lot. I just wanted to help.” 

“You can’t help the entire world, Tones.” Maybe. But maybe he could.

“It doesn’t mean I can’t help him.” Hope closed her eyes.

“Tony, maybe he doesn’t want help. Maybe it’s the way things are.”

“You’re not saying this, are you? I mean, who would want an abusive relationship?”

“And what are you gonna do, Tony? Are you gonna knock on his door and play the hero? It works on tv, it doesn’t mean it will work in real life. Are you gonna call Bruce, or Thor, or Rhodey and you’re gonna beat the shit out of his boyfriend? You can’t help everyone. What happens if he truly doesn’t want help? If he tells you that this is how things are?” Tony didn’t answer. “Have you considered that if he wanted your help he would have asked?”

“Hope, come on. You know it’s not that simple. What if he can’t ask for help?’

Hope took a deep breath. Tony couldn’t see how serious the situation was. He couldn’t win all the battles in the world, it was not his fight.

“What do you know about your neighbor?”

“His name’s Stephen. He…” He stopped. What was he going to say? Everything he knew about the neighbor came, literally, from the trash. 

“So?” Tony stayed in silence. “What happens if you lose, Tones? What happens if his boyfriend beats the shit out of you? What happens to the pictures of you hurt? What are you going to say to the studio? To the producers? To your fans? Your image counts. What are we going to see on Us Weekly? ‘Tony Stark helps helpless neighbor’ or ‘Tony Stark picks up fights’? What do you think they’re gonna say?”

“It’s none of their business.”

“It is, Tony. Do you know why? Because they control you, because they’re the source of your money. What you do, the image you show counts.” He took a deep breath. He just wanted to help. 

Chapter Text

When they went back to the bonfire the rest of the group was talking.

“Tony is going with Rhodes.” Tony looked at them confused.

“What?” Rhodey took the car keys and moved his head. Tony followed him along the trail, to the car.

“What are we doing?” On Nason Road Tony got in the car, in the passenger seat and connected his cell phone in the charger. Rhodey gave him his phone.

“Can you find the nearest gas station?” Ten thirty pm. What did he want? “We need alcohol.”

“More?” Rhodey smiled.

“I’ve never kissed Tony Stark in a gas station.” Tony rolled his eyes. “They wanna play. So?”

“There’s one half an hour from here.” He got his own phone.

“Nat, are you ok?” he texted.

“Yeah. All good?”

“Yeah, just curious about something.” instead of texting back she called him.

“Ask away.”

“Oh, hi. Ok. Please don’t go there, but is Stephen okay?” She smiled.

“Oh, yeah, sure. He’s with Dylan, they arrived a couple minutes ago. Do you talk to him?”

“No. Not really. What do you know about them?” Nat looked at Bucky, standing behind the island in the kitchen. 

“They’re together for eight years, I guess, high school sweethearts.” 

“If you can call them that.” Tony whispered. “Sorry to bother you, thank you. I gotta go.”

“Sure, darling. No problem.” Rhodey looked at him for a second.

“Who’s Stephen?”

“Just drive, Rhodes.” 

(...)

Tony left the car. Rhodey filled up the tank and Tony entered the convenience store. He waited for Rhodey to show up and got the shopping list.

They took all the bottles they thought they would drink and all the food in the shopping list. Tony also bought more batteries, a flashlight, some chips, two portable chargers and an ice cream pint. They took the bags to the car.

“Rhodey? Do you wanna kiss me?” 

(...)

They went back to the camp. Tony sat in front of the bonfire and opened the cooler.

“Finally. Did you guys get lost?”

“The gas station was pretty far, sweetie.” Tony said, looking at Hope, sure that she was hiding a smile.

“Okay, who wants to start?” Carol raised her hand.

“I've never given the wrong number to people.” She said. Tony looked at her, speechless.

“No way.” Scott whispered. They all drank, except her. “She must be kidding.” 

“You know, you invite kids to things like this and you end up drunk.” Loki said. He was almost ten years older than Carol. She gave him the finger.

“'I've never swam naked.” Pepper said. Scott, Hope, Loki and Rhodey drank.

“I've never had to go to the hospital in an ambulance after drinking.” Thor said and watched his brother drink again.

“Good times. I almost got you arrested that night. Sweet, sweet life.” 

“I've never had sex in an elevator.” Loki said. They all looked at each other when Tony drank from his bottle.

“WHAT THE FUCK.” Pepper screamed. “WHAT? WHO? HOW? WHEN? WHERE?”

“Hm, What? sex in an elevator. Who would be with someone. It was in March and it happened in Antwerp.” She looked around. Who was in Antwerp? Tony, Thor, Loki, Bruce, Sam, some producers and the support team for the tv show.

“Do I know them?” Tony smiled. "I swear you don't tell me things anymore."

“I've never kissed anyone who I didn’t have at least some crush on.” He said. They rolled their eyes and all of them drank.

“What do you mean you've never kissed… What? You’ve never kissed a stranger?”

“Well, I usually like the people I kiss. These lips have never met a stranger before, no.”

“Virgin.” Carol joked. 

The next was Bruce.

“I've never fantasized about someone taken.” 

Tony, Scott, Loki, Sam and Pepper drank.

“I've never had friends with benefits.” Tony rolled his eyes and drank again. Rhodey, Carol and Pepper also drank. Loki watched as Rhodey and Tony exchanged a look after drinking.

“I've never had sex with other people in the same room.” Hope said. Loki and Rhodey drank.

“I've never taken a shower with someone else.” Rhodey said. Sam, Loki, Scott, Hope, Tony, Bruce and Thor drank.

Loki looked around and smiled.

“I’ve never kissed Tony Stark.” They watched as Rhodey emptied his bottle. They looked at Tony, on the other side of the bonfire watching him drink.

“OH MY GOD. The gas station is on fire.” They all laughed. 

“I’m… Gonna head to bed.” Loki said and emptied his own bottle. Of course he would, he had already ruined what could have been a well-kept secret anyway. “Have a good night, cuties.”

They all went to bed with time, and Tony and Rhodey stayed. He walked to the cooler, grabbed a bag of marshmallows and put them in a stick.

He sat next to Rhodey.

“Do you want some?” Rhodey didn’t answer. “Are you drunk?”

“I’m fine.” Tony nodded. “Look, Tones…”

“No regrets, Rhodes, remember?” Rhodey nodded. He kneeled in front of Tony, between his legs and kissed him. 

(...)

Stephen went back home earlier on the fifth. Dylan was supposed to pick him up, but he just ignored that fact and took a bus back home a little after three pm. He slept on the sofa, a green blanket over his body.

Dylan tried to call. 

After the third attempt he gave up. He had to let Stephen know that he wouldn’t sleep there that night. 

When Stephen woke up, around seven pm that night he didn’t bother calling him back. He got up, walked to the kitchen and tried to find something to eat. There was nothing. So he took ten dollars in his wallet and left home locking the side door.

Down Ocean Park, on Lincoln Boulevard, a third of a mile away from where he lived there was a Mc Donald’s. He bought enough food to survive the night that he would probably spend awake and went back home.

Stephen wouldn’t ask for an explanation. Dylan wouldn’t give him one, anyway. The good phase was over. He was tired. Dylan had to go back to his life, to the life he had before everything that happened with Victor.

He wouldn't be at work like he said he would, he wouldn’t be stuck in traffic or even in his apartment in West Hollywood.

The Golden Gopher is located about a mile away from the Staples Center, in the south of the Financial District in Downtown LA. 

You can drink, you can find someone, meet someone and you don’t have to think about taking this person home with you, you can just go upstairs to the motel above the bar, where Dylan pays in cash.

If you don’t want the uncertainty that the red neon lights bring you, or the calmness inside, with a counter full of half empty bottles of alcohol and the old worn out pool table you can cross the 8th Street and enter a nightclub on Hill Street, The Vault, less than one hundred meters away from Golden Gopher and enjoy the best Los Angeles has to offer in two different dance floors.

If you find someone at The Vault and want to take them out of there, there's a hotel a little cleaner and tidier next to the Golden Gopher. 

Dylan was at the Golden Gopher that night. He didn’t know what to expect, but he was sure that it would be someone completely different from his boyfriend.

Stephen thought he had everything under control that night, but when you’re home alone, in the middle of the night, with nothing better to do you seem to lose control of everything you had. 

He didn’t want to feel sad. He was finally better. He finally had a night free from someone he didn’t want to be near, so he couldn’t waste it. Everything was still too recent, but Dylan never helped him get better, he just pushed the feelings deeper inside Stephen, because Stephen stopped allowing him to get in on the third night after everything, he stopped showing or telling Dylan what he was feeling. 

Stephen did something he was desperate to do since before Victor’s death. He got the camera and analized it in his hands. Inside the box there was a third pair of lenses. 

It was unbelievable. Stephen looked at the object, his eyes exploding in admiration. He got the forty millimeters lenses and took a picture of his closet. The first picture he took with it. It was impressive how amazing he felt holding those two pounds of technology in his hands. What had he done to deserve it? That's what he couldn't understand.

He wanted to see more. He wanted to explore every corner in Los Angeles, he wanted to explore every inch of those lenses as much as possible, but inside his house he thought he couldn't. He had to find the right moment, he had to make sure that Dylan wouldn't be around, so he would walk every meter from Venice to Malibu like an avid tourist.

It was a little after three am on Wednesday when Tony dropped his luggage on the floor at the side entrance, trying to find his keys, what woke Stephen up, who was sleeping on the couch in the office.

The neighbor was back. Stephen didn't move. With his eyes widened he stayed in the dark listening.

"Shhhhhh, you're gonna wake everybody." Sam said. 'Too late' Stephen thought.

"Thank you for the ride, babe." He heard what he thought was the neighbor's voice. "Do you wanna come in?"

"I'm going home, Hollywood. But thanks." It was Rhodes. Tony nodded. He had finished all the bottles from the holiday in the car, on their way back to Los Angeles, because Rhodey was busy driving, Carol and Sam were sleeping in the backseat so he got a little bored.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow." Rhodey nodded and left.

"You falling in love or what?" Sam asked, when Rhodey was already far from there. Tony gave him the finger.

Carol was on the stairs, her head against the wall, half awake, half asleep, waiting for her brother to open the door so she could get some proper sleep.

"Did you guys have sex?" Sam asked, and Tony laughed loud. It's not like Stephen wanted to hear the conversation, it's just that they were right there and he was next to the window, so he could hear everything.

Tony tried to open the door with the wrong key, insisting that that was the right one. 

"In the river." Tony said, casually.

"To someone who doesn't kiss strangers having sex with Rhodes in the river… that's evolving."

"He's one of my best friends. Again, I don't kiss strangers." Carol lost patience. She pushed Tony away from the door, which made him lose balance and trip over his suitcase. He hit his back against Stephen’s door.

“HEY!” He yelled. Then he turned his body, touched Stephen’s door with his hands and said:

“I’m sorry, Stepheyy” and in his head that had been a whisper, but it was way too loud. Stephen got a little scared because of the noise, but he smiled with Tony apologizing. 

Carol found the lock and opened the door, pulling Tony inside.

Chapter Text

Tony was angry. He wanted to cry for a bit, then he wanted to roll to his side and sleep for another hour. He closed his eyes. California was way too bright in the summer. 

He got up and grumbled on his way to the kitchen, shirtless. It was time to buy food again.

The milk was expired.

“CAROL, YOU DRANK THE GOOD MILK AGAIN. I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DO IT ONE MORE TIME I’M SENDING YOU BACK TO SANDY POINT.” He opened the other bedroom door, the one Carol was using. She and Sam were still sleeping on the two single beds in the room.

In the office, a few feet from Tony’s fridge, Stephen raised his head and walked to his own fridge. He got the bottle of milk, still untouched, that Dylan had bought the morning before and went to the neighbor’s door. He left the milk in front of the kitchen door, knocked, and got in his office running. 

Tony heard the knock, closed the bedroom door and walked to the kitchen. He saw nothing through the glass but opened the door anyway just to find the bottle of milk in front of it.

He laughed.

He was glad, because now he wouldn’t have to go to the supermarket four hundred meters from there, on the corner of Lincoln and Ocean Park, and god only knows how walking hungover on a hot day in Santa Monica would make him feel.

Stephen didn’t go to work. He stayed there, working on the website. 

He got all his trash bags and he and Tony coincidentally left their houses together. 

“Hey. Thank you for the milk.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Thank you for the camera.” 

‘What camera?” Tony smiled. They both went to the garbage can and threw their trash bags there. Tony smiled when, through the corner of his eye he saw the Mc Donald’s packages. 

“What?” Stephen looked at him confused.

“Nothing, I just thought about something. What are you doing here?”

“I live here.” Tony nodded.

“Work?” Stephen’s expression changed.

“Oh, I’m working from home today.” He stopped for a second. “You never told me your name.”

“Tony.” 

“I’m Stephen.” Tony nodded. He knew that already.

Stephen looked over his shoulder and took a deep breath. Tony looked to the sidewalk, to the entrance of the corridor.

Dylan was walking to the house. Tony closed the trash can and Stephen did the same. Both of them looked like they were there just to take out the trash.

“Fuck” Stephen whispered under his breath. “I’ll help you with that.”

“Stephen…” Tony mumbled. “Don’t”

“It doesn’t matter.” He said. They pushed the cans to the sidewalk, passing next to Dylan, who waited for Stephen in the corridor.

Tony left the garbage can on the sidewalk and walked back home first, leaving Stephen behind. Dylan watched him pass next to him and get in.

Stephen walked next to him as well, completely ignoring the boyfriend and got inside his office, closing the door behind him. Tony took a deep breath. He knew what was about to happen.

“What was that?” Stephen rolled his eyes. 

“That was me taking out the trash in my house. It’s my trash, Dylan.”

“Don’t you have schedules for that?”

“Shut up.” He said, and closed his eyes. There was nothing he could do now anyway. “SHUT UP.”

Tony closed his eyes when he heard Stephen’s voice. Carol was at the door now, about to wish Tony a good morning.

“What was that?” Tony got up, his blood rushing through his veins, agitated.

“I gotta go for a walk.” 

“Don’t talk to me like that.” Dylan pointed his finger to him.

“Shut up.” Stephen swallowed dryly. He saw Dylan’s hand in the air.

He was afraid now. He didn’t know what he was thinking, but it was just the fucking trash, and now Dylan would hit him because of it. It was just the trash. 

“Dylan… I…” Stephen shrugged, afraid, knowing that shrugging his body wouldn’t save him from what was about to come. 

“DON’T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?” Dylan yelled.

“I’M THE FUCKING ASSHOLE YOU LEFT LAST NIGHT TO FUCK SOMEONE ELSE.” Stephen said.Tony was already walking up the street to the bus stop. Stephen didn't know why he was doing that, why, suddenly he had decided to stand up for himself, but there he was and there was no turning back, the words had already been spoken. 

*****TRIGGER WARNING: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, ABUSE*****

Carol and Sam looked at each other. 

Stephen lost balance when Dylan’s hand hit his face in a slap. He leaned his back against the wall, breathing fast and he felt like he was about to pass out. Dylan held his face, his index finger and his thumb squeezing his lips. 

“Don’t talk to me like that, babe. I do everything for you.” He said, and let go of his face harshly, which made Stephen hit his head on the wall. 

Stephen felt humiliated. He couldn’t stand up for himself, not the way he wanted to, anyways. WHY NOT? He felt disgusted. Dylan’s perfume was awful, and Stephen was sure it wasn’t his.

Stephen didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to cry. He swallowed the pain watching him go around the apartment and get his clothes, and he stayed there unable to move when Dylan got close to him and forced him into a kiss.

*****END OF TRIGGER WARNING*****

“I’ll give you time to think about what you did.” Stephen didn’t answer. He stayed there, his face burning, his heart beating a million miles an hour, his entire body numb and the only thing that kept him standing was the adrenaline running through his veins. 

Dylan left, and when he left it took Stephen a second to understand he was safe, that if he fell to the ground Dylan wouldn’t kick him or anything, so he did. He stayed on the floor, crying, leaning down in an attempt to help him breathe, his entire body shaking in humiliation.

It took him almost forty minutes to stop the tears and get his lungs to work properly again, to control the rapidly breathing, and he felt like not moving.

One hour after the fight he heard someone walking on the side entrance.

“Tony?” He asked, in almost a whisper. If Tony weren’t paying attention he wouldn’t have heard him, but Tony was, because that was what he used to do after leaving the house to run away from their fight, he would pay attention, he would get in his own house as quiet as possible, focusing on the other house to make sure nothing bad had happened.

“Yeah.” Tony waited for something else. For a grunt, a sound, anything, but there was only silence. “Stephen?”

Stephen thought for a second. Tony waited by his door, facing the doorknob, unsure if he should get in or not.

He couldn’t see Stephen from there, so he was a little worried. 

“Tony…” Stephen stopped himself again. Something inside him wanted to open up, wanted to be vulnerable, something inside him wanted to let someone in, be friends with someone, have someone to be there for him, but there was another thing. There was fear. Fear of judgement, fear of being vulnerable, fear that Dylan would come back and see Tony there.

“Stephen, what’s wrong?” Stephen took a deep breath. “Can I come in?”

Stephen closed his eyes. That’s what he wanted. He wanted to not be alone for that one. He wanted to not be alone for the rest of the day, he wanted to find a distraction, because at some point he was sure he would start crying again, because a random thought would come and others would follow and he just… He was tired of crying for the same reasons, tired of crying because the same thoughts would appear when he was already okay, when he already had stopped crying. 

“Yes, yeah. Please.” Tony opened the door to find Stephen on the floor, his head on the couch, a single tear falling off his left eye. And there it was. Humiliation.

The thought of Tony looking at him during his lowest moment. During his most vulnerable and delicate moment. And when Tony kneeled in front of him and raised his hand to touch Stephen’s face, the man flinched. 

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay. It’s okay.” Tony raised his hands, showing his palms. “I won’t hurt you.” Stephen was crying. “Hey, you’re safe, it’s okay.” 

He offered Stephen his hand, which the man grabbed gently. Stephen touched his hands, his wrists, his arms, and when Tony realized Stephen was hugging him.

“I’m sorry.” Stephen whispered. He didn’t have to apologize, there was nothing to apologize.

Tony’s arms were a good place to cry. That was what Stephen thought. Better than the couch, better than the floor. 

There was something about the warmth of Tony's body that just made the tears leave his eyes, faster, stronger, and before Stephen could do something about it he was crying desperately in his neighbor's arms.

“We need to lock the doors.” Stephen whispered.

“Don’t think about the doors, Stephen, come on. It’s okay.” Tony ignored the pain he was feeling on his kalf, which was also a little numb and stayed there. There were other pains more important than that one. 

Stephen was embarrassed. He had a running nose, his tears were wetting Tony’s t-shirt and he couldn’t find a way to stop crying. The tears running down his face were a relief. They helped with the pain he felt on his face.

Tony’s hand slowly found the way to Stephen’s hair, gently stroking the hair in the back of  Stephen’s head. 

“I’m sorry.” Stephen said, again. He had this thing. He would always apologize if he was crying on someone’s shoulder.

“Hey, it’s fine.” Tony felt him getting calmer. “Can I know you?”

Stephen didn’t answer. He never had anyone carrying about him. Actually, he had, but that was a lifetime ago, and having someone now would mean giving them a life they wouldn’t want. His cry intensified again, because having someone, the idea of someone carrying was new, was great, and it wouldn’t happen.

The world was unfair. Stephen didn’t deserve it. He deserved everything Tony had to offer. He deserved everything Tony would do to make him happy, without thinking about the consequences. He deserved Tony. And Tony needed to deserve him, because he didn’t think he was good enough for that.

If you want to help someone there’s not much you need to do, you just need to be there, you need to be around and you need to keep them close. You need to be patient, you need to give them new things, everything new. New adventures, new experiences, new people. But no matter what you do, they always come first. At least that’s what Tony thought. If he wanted to help Stephen he would have to be around, to change all his broken pieces with new ones.

Tony knew that. Tony knew that he wouldn’t just fix him overnight, he knew that Stephen wouldn’t get up after that hug and just be a different person. He needed time, and he would be more than happy if he could give Stephen his time. 

Stephen kept thinking about his words. 'Can I know you?' because he couldn’t believe Tony was willing to put himself in harm's way just because of him. Nobody did that. Not even his friends. Not even the people he thought would be with him till the end. When his friends in New Hope saw what Dylan was capable of they all left, one by one, until there was no one left. 

Stephen tried to breath again, slowly, like someone once taught him, letting the air get in through your nose and exhaling through his mouth. 

“Are you thirsty? Come on, let’s put some ice on your face, okay?” Stephen nodded. He breathed one more time and Tony helped him get up, despite the fact that his legs were barely functioning. Tony put the hand on his face, trying to put away the tears and Stephen let him, this time. He pulled him to the kitchen, like he knew where everything was and grabbed a pack of frozen peas in the freezer. 

“Have you been here before?” Tony smiled. Stephen sat on the counter and put the package on his face. “Thank you.” Tony found an empty glass, filled it with water and gave the cup to him. Stephen let him hold the package on his face for a second.

“I wanted the house. The deal was that after they finished refurbishing I would move here. George, the contractor, would let me get in while he was working and I would just dream about the things I would do, where I would put the furniture.”

“I’m sorry I took the house.” Tony smiled at him.

“From now on I don’t think that matters, plus I really liked what you did with the place.” Tony said, looking around. He could see the grey sofa, the yellow rug and the bookshelves from there. The tv over the fireplace, the Christmas lights outside and some party flags hanging outside as well.

“Why? Why are you doing this?” Stephen asked, getting the package from his hands. There it was. Him putting some distance between them. 

“Why do you need a reason?” Tony asked, simply. “I just want to. Look at you, you’re great, and you don’t even want people around. Why don’t you?”

“Who would want this, Tony? This life? This?” She showed Tony the red bruise on his face. 

“I’m not being friends with your boyfriend, I’m trying to be friends with you.” 

Chapter Text

A solid embrace, kind face

and then the hurt starts leaving the room

The couch was big enough for the two of them, but something about saying yes to Tony made him want to lean on him, and that’s what he did. Tony had his legs crossed on the couch, and Stephen had his body against Tony’s, his head on his chest. He felt comfortable sharing his space with someone else.

Stephen asked to be there. As innocent as he could be he asked Tony if he could lean his body on Tony’s body, and in the innocence of someone who wants to be the glue, Tony said yes.

They were in silence. Tony’s left hand was on his stomach and his right hand was stroking Stephen’s hair gently. Tony wanted to be there, and just like the night Victor died, Stephen wanted him to be there.

The image of Dylan beating Aaron up many years before was in his mind now, and he could see it happening to Tony. He could see it vividly, the anger, the fist, the pain. His heart started beating fast, so he put his arms around Tony and let the steadiness of Tony’s heart calm him down.

If he was crossing a line being that close to someone he barely knew he didn’t care, because at least he wasn’t alone anymore. He would have time to regret that closeness later.

If you looked at them that Wednesday afternoon you would probably think they were a couple enjoying each other’s company. Except Stephen had a boyfriend. A terrible, awful boyfriend. Except Stephen had lost hope on feeling good ever again, of having a normal, healthy relationship. Except they were worlds apart, each one of them different, each one with their own things. Except they wouldn’t attract each other, not in that moment. 

Tony closed his eyes and put his chin on Stephen’s head. At some point that afternoon they slept. Stephen because crying would make him sleepy, Tony because he was still a little hungover from the night before. 

Stephen woke up suddenly. Tony's voice woke him up. He thought, when he heard it, that Dylan was back and that they were talking, somehow. 

He got up, his left hand on Tony’s torso, supporting his weight there. He looked around, trying to find someone else, trying to find Dylan.

“Hey, it’s fine. It’s my sister on the phone.” Carol frowned. “It’s fine, I’m sorry.”

“Who’s that? It’s not Rhodey, is it? I swear to god we’re gonna talk about it.”

“Listen, I gotta go, Carol. Bye.” He didn’t wait for her to say something, he simply hung up. 

“I thought he…” Tony smiled at him, gently.

“It’s fine, Stephen. Don’t worry. We’re fine. Are you hungry?”

“Yeah, I kinda haven’t eaten yet.” Tony looked at him, his mouth slightly open. “Maybe some breakfast?”

“Oh, you’ve read my mind. Denny’s?” Stephen smiled. A salted caramel and banana cream pancake sounded amazing. Maybe a mango smoothie and a veggie omelette, too.

“Fine by me. There’s a guy at Denny’s on Colorado that always brings us more than what we ordered. At first I thought it was because he had recognized…” Tony stopped himself. Keep talking would mean that he would have to explain to Stephen why the guy at Denny's had recognized him and for now he didn't want to say anything. He gave his phone to Stephen, so the man could select everything he wanted on the website and ordered it. r

“I’ve never been there.” Stephen said. Tony frowned.

“It’s like six blocks from here.” Stephen nodded. “How long have you been here?”

“I just don’t like walking around. How long have you been?”

“I have some free time sometimes. And I like walking around.”

“Where are you from?”

“I’m from here. Born in LA, raised in Sandy Point, Australia. You?”

“New Hope, Pennsylvania.” Stephen looked at him and before Tony could make the joke he said: “There’s no hope there. Old or new. New Hope is where dreams go to die.” Tony smiled. “Australia, cool.”

“Well, the idea of the country is nice, but don’t think it’s that cool. I lived in a 200-inhabitant something, we can't call it a city, I don't even think we can call it a village, and we had one market, and nothing ever happened, and when it happened the whole place would find out about it.” Stephen smiled.  “What are you gonna do now?”

“What do you mean?” Tony raised his eyebrows.

“You have to do something about him.”

"It doesn’t matter, Tony. It would only make things worse. Besides, he’s going away for a while. If I’m lucky he’s not coming back before his trip.”

“He’s leaving?”

“He’s going back to Penn. He has a mom there who, apparently, needs him, so he’s taking a few weeks to be with her. I honestly doubt it, I don't think that's entirely true, I just think he's trying to run away so he won't have to be around for a while, at least not after everything that happened in the last few weeks.”

“So you’re free?” Stephen shrug. 

“Maybe twenty days.”

“Why aren’t you going?” Stephen looked away for a second and got up.

“It’s not time to go. It’s complicated, I’m not ready.” Tony nodded. He stayed in silence because he thought if Stephen wanted to tell him what ‘complicated’ meant he would.

“Can you give me one second?” He asked, when his phone rang. He got up and walked to the office. “Hey.”

“Hey. You texted. What’s up?”

“I need make up.” Hope frowned. “Your skin tone is good.” 

“Why?”

“Maybe we should go out for lunch tomorrow.”

“Fine by me. Why?”

“Can you bring it now? I’m at home.”

“Sure. Why?” He ignored her. He knew that he couldn't talk out loud about it, that he would have to talk to her privately. "Tony?"

"Thank you, Hope. I love you."

"You're unberable."

“I know. I love you. Thank you. I see you later.”

"Bye, Tony." She hung up. He went back to the living room. Stephen was on the couch, his legs crossed. 

“Do you want to do something later?” Tony asked, getting in the room. Stephen raised his eyes to look at him. “I’ll understand if you don’t, I just thought we could… Walk around.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to. I just…” Stephen showed him his red cheek. “I don’t want other people to see it”

“I have a friend. She’s bringing me some things.” 

“Tony, please, I don’t want anyone involved. I don’t even know why I called you in the first place, I…”

“Hey, she doesn’t know. She doesn’t have to know, She’s gonna bring me things, we can think about something to do and we can hang out.” Stephen nodded.

“Great, What do you like to do?” 

“I don’t know.” Stephen admitted. It was a little embarrassing. What had he done in Los Angeles since he moved there? He went home from work, to the supermarket, he would walk around a bit to take pictures. What would they do on a Wednesday?

Stephen knew nothing. The only place in Los Angeles he knew was also visited by his abusive boyfriend. The Golden Gopher. And he didn’t need to be seen with Tony in a bar where his boyfriend used to go almost every night.

Tony didn’t know what to suggest because he didn’t know Stephen. Would they go out to drink? Stephen never drank, because every time Dylan drank he would get a thousand times worse and would hit him, so Stephen promised he would never drink. 

Would they go to the pier? Tony didn’t want to go to the pier so early at night with Stephen, because they could meet a fan and Stephen would become a rumor. No, they couldn’t go to the pier.

Santa Monica Place? Too public, and just like the promenade or the pier it wouldn’t be comfortable to them both. 

Tony loved 3rd Street Promenade. He used to go and he would walk around the promenade, trying to find anything new to buy, he would watch the street artists, meet some fans, would have dinner in the bistrot with his castmates, but what would he and Stephen do there?

Going out with his friends was easy. Scott and Hope, Carol, the people from the show., but him, alone, with another man who he had just met and with such a complicated relationship?

Tony had an idea. Usually the Santa Monica Place closed at nine pm, so people would leave the place around this time, but two things would be open after that hour. The Cheesecake Factory and the ArcLight. 

Why not? It would be more comfortable to Stephen, because it wouldn’t require any contact with anyone else, Tony could park his car in the parking lot downstairs and they could take the elevator to the third floor and their chances to be seen would be smaller. They could even eat some frozen yogurt down the street, and Tony was already trying to find an opportunity to watch the movie, anyway.

There was no mistake. You can take someone to dinner, to a theme park, to a concert and people could see it as a date. For Tony movies were too cheap and casual to be considered real dates. Not the ArcLight, but usually they were too cheap.

Another advantage about the movies was that there was no pressure to talk. Silence was comfortable between them, sure, but how long would that last? Tony wasn’t sure. If they were watching the movie they would be together and would still be in silence and silence wouldn’t stop being comfortable.

Tony would always picture another situation. The two of them walking around. They talk about their careers, their families, their favorite places, their best childhood memory, the two of them laugh, and then both realize there's nothing else to be said, the car is too far, there’s nothing else to eat, nothing around them to help Tony start a new conversation… The living room silence, the comfortable one, even that silence that survived while they were on the couch together is gone, and it’s in that moment that Stephen starts regretting sleeping on the chest of someone he barely knows, and it’s when he starts panicking with the idea of Dylan finding out that he’s with another person. No, that couldn’t happen. Tony was sure of that. 

There, in the living room, silence was a good thing.

Stephen jumped out of the couch when he heard someone knock on his front door. 

Chapter Text

But let me hold you and tell you what I see
You are the light of the day

(Good as Gold - Greyson Chance)

Stephen was a little desperate. Tony tried to keep himself together, but he was also worried. If it was Dylan then things could get ugly. Stephen’s heart was beating so fast he thought he could die.

“He’s gonna kill me.” Stephen whispered. “What do I do? Tony…” His breathing was uneven. “What if he knows you’re here?”

“Hey, take a deep breath. We’ll be fine. Deep breath.” Stephen nodded, a little scared. “I’ll hide in the boiler room, we’ll be fine.” Stephen nodded. He watched Tony get in the small room between the hallway and the kitchen. The boiler room was room to a boiler big enough to feed the three houses. Stephen’s, Tony’s and their upstairs neighbor, but nothing more than that. That’s why when Tony got in he had to put himself against the wall, trying to not touch the white cylinder. The door was closed, he was in the dark, waiting for any sign of Dylan. What would happen if Dylan decided to sleep there? Tony couldn’t even turn his body. He had his back against the wall, his chin on his shoulder, trying to avoid the machine in front of him. 

The place was hot. Way too hot. Tony wanted to leave. He closed his eyes because he could have left through the office door and waited for any sign from Stephen by his kitchen door, but no, he had to play the hero, and now he thought he might die. 

He took a deep breath, because he couldn’t reach his pho… HIS PHONE! His phone was next to the couch, on the coffee table. 

His. Phone. Was. In. The. Living. Room.

That was when things seemed one hundred degrees hotter. It felt like an entire day sitting on the concrete in downtown Los Angeles in July, but it was like all that heat had touched him at once. His heart beat stronger with the thought of Stephen and Dylan there and their phones on the coffee table. 

Stephen took a deep breath and smelled his own clothes. Fuck. It wasn’t his smell, it was Tony’s. It was a good smell, but it wasn’t his. 

He took off his shirt and threw it in the kitchen sink. If Dylan would ask him what his shirt was doing in the sink he didn’t care. He looked at the Boiler room’s door and walked to the door, prepared to have his face hit again. He turned the doorknob and opened it, his mouth open, about to say something.

“Anthony Carbonell?” Stephen frowned for a second, before realizing. The man was wearing a coral shirt with a yellow logo, a yellow cap, a red logo with ‘Denny’s’ on both.

“Just a minute.” He turned to the house. “TONY.” Inside the boiler room Tony felt like he was about to faint.  He stretched his arm and opened the door, leaving the boiler room behind. There was no one around. He walked to the front door, where Stephen was standing, shirtless, his back to him. The first thing Tony noticed was a couple of scars on his back, crossing each other. And his back… Oh, wow, his back!

He put himself next to Stephen, trying to look outside, only to find the Denny’s employee waiting for him.

“Oh, it’s food.” Tony laughed, relieved. “Oh, wow.” he took ten dollars from his wallet and gave it to the man, who gave their bags of food. “Thank you. So good to see you.” Stephen held his laugh.

“Have a good one.” The man said, and left. Stephen and Tony looked at each other for a second, a smile of relief on their lips. 

“You’re shirtless.” Tony raised his eyebrows. 

“My shirt smelled like you.” Stephen said, simply. “Mr. Carbonell?” Tony laughed.

“That’s not my real name. It’s… Complicated. It’s my mom’s single name.” 

“Why? Are you a serial killer?” Tony laughed. He wasn’t. He was famous, and being famous meant he wouldn’t have a friend. It meant Stephen would try to leave, and he didn’t want that.

“If I were…” Stephen laughed. “Yeah, don’t worry. My phone was in the living room. I thought for a second your boyfriend would find it there.” Tony said, putting the bags on the counter. 

“I’ll be right back.” Tony watched Stephen disappear to his room, staring at his back again, the scars crossing one another, and Stephen came back wearing a new t-shirt. 

“So, have you decided what we’re doing later today?’ Stephen asked, and Tony nodded. 

You can never eat a Denny’s meal alone. Stephen and Tony had ordered four. The leftovers were in the fridge and they were back on the couch. 

Tony’s right foot was under his left leg, one arm over the back of the couch, facing Stephen, who was facing the wall, cross-legged.

“What are you thinking about?” Tony asked. Stephen was holding his milkshake cup in his hands.

“I’m wondering how you’re not tired of me yet, why you haven’t left and why you’re looking at me.” Tony smiled.

“I like you. Why would I leave? Do you want me to leave?” Stephen shook his head. “Do you wanna know what I’m thinking?” Stephen looked at him. “Why would he hurt someone like you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Someone pretty, shy, scared…” Stephen wasn’t sure if they were compliments. They weren’t. It was the truth, what Tony saw. Someone pretty, someone who never opened up, who never got involved, someone afraid of consequences, afraid of new perspectives, afraid to live. It was easy to notice. He noticed when he opened his door, he noticed in all the gestures and in everything Stephen had said that day. It was everywhere, even in his trash.

“Look at me.” Tony watched him get closer, still cross-legged, but now he was facing Tony. “What is missing for you?” He asked. Stephen put his head on the back of the couch just like Tony.

“What?”

“You. What do you think is missing? Why don’t you let me in?” Stephen exhaled. “What are the scars on your back? Did he do this to you?” 

“It’s my gay mark.” Stephen said, simply. He knew Tony would see it, he just didn’t think he would ask about it. 

“What?”

“It’s my constant reminder. My dad did it. He went to my room that day to call me for dinner and when he opened the door without knocking I was kissing a boy. We were supposed to be studying biology. I was sixteen. My back was facing the door, he hit me. He was holding a knife, I don’t know, I know that he saw his gay son kissing a boy and he hit me, and the knife hit my back twice, and he cut me. I don’t know if it was an accident, I don’t know if he wanted to, I don’t know if he suspected and took the knife to my room on purpose, all I know is that…” Tony was looking at him, to the man with two tears in his eyes. “He left me there, bleeding. He left me, Tony. He didn’t say a word, he just took off. Dylan took me to the hospital. He was the one in my house that day. He was the boy I was kissing. He drove me home around two am that day, I packed my things and I spent a few weeks in his house.” 

“You've been together ever since?” Stephen smiled. It sounded so simple coming from Tony’s mouth.

“We took some classes together that summer, before senior year, and we dated in secret for an entire year. Nobody knew. Of course not. It was the typical story 'nobody can know I’m gay.'. Nobody could know he was a fag.”

“Stephen…” Stephen shook his head. 

“We used to date in his car, so no one would know, or we would drive to Trenton to date in public, because no one could know. It was like this, you know? We finished senior year, so we went together to college and everything changed. I was… A new person. I wasn’t the fag he used to date, he never let me be. I would drink, I would do everything I thought would make me look cool, so he wouldn’t fight me, so he wouldn’t hit me.” Stephen closed his eyes. He didn’t know the difference between being vulnerable and being weak. “He started hitting me after we got accepted into college. It’s funny, if he had done it before I would have never gone with him, never, but I was in Pitt, no friends, no family, a family that didn’t even accept me in the first place, and my boyfriend was hitting me. What was I supposed to do?” Stephen looked down, to not look in Tony’s eyes as he continued. “During high school he would yell at me in public, so people wouldn’t know. He would say whatever he wanted, and I let him.” 

“It’s not your fault.” Stephen shrugged.

“I graduated college, packed my bags and moved to LA and he followed me. He was the only boyfriend I had and he is the only person I have. I don’t know how things would be without him, Tony.”

“That’s not fair.” Stephen smiled.

“What is? Life? No, not at all. I have what life gave me, Tony. You learn with your mistakes. Today I learned that you don’t ask your boyfriend to shut up. You don’t correct him in front of his friends, you don’t tell him he had too much to drink and that you’ll sleep on the couch, you don’t tell him you don’t wanna have sex, you don’t tell him you have a headache and don’t wanna blow him, you’ll do it anyway, what’s the point? You don’t take pictures of clients wearing only underwear, he’s gonna break your camera. We can talk about life lessons all night, Tony,”

Tony was in silence. That was… Absurd. He was angry, more than he thought he could be. How could someone… He couldn’t think straight. He really thought he had never been that angry. His heart was racing, his hands were a little shaky and he couldn’t control that feeling inside of him. If he had thought about wolves eating Dylan alive before now he wanted to be the wolf. 

He held Stephen’s hand. “Look, I don’t know if you want it or not, but if you ever need me I’m right there, okay? I’m not going anywhere. Just call me, whenever you need me.” 

Chapter Text

Tony heard a car stop in the corridor next to the house. 

“Tony?” It was Hope. He looked at Stephen and got up. He went to the office and left. Hope turned, finding Tony coming out of the other house. “What…”

“Just…” He got the little bag from her hands. “Tomorrow, one pm?”

She nodded.

“Thank you so much, I love you.” She winked. “I’ll pay you tomorrow.”

“We’re at Scott’s. Do you wanna come over?”

“We have plans, but thank you. I don’t think he would be comfortable.” Hope nodded.

“Take care, Stark.” He smiled and closed the door once she turned to go back to her car. 

Tony went back to the living room, a small bag full of makeup in his hand.

“It’s seven ten. We can get dressed and I’ll meet you here at eight?” Stephen nodded. “If you need anything just knock.” 

“You too.” Tony went back to his house.

Stephen stood up in his shower, letting the cold water touch his body, his hair on his forehead, his heart beating fast. The day had been like that, full of intensity, full of fast heartbeats. Was that the feeling of having a good day? Was that the feeling of having someone who truly cared? If it was… Stephen couldn’t get enough of it.

Tony got in the shower and closed the window. He had learned. On one of his first days inside the house he forgot the window opened and ended up finding his other neighbor staring at his naked butt while he washed his head. Now he had to make sure he closed the window before taking off his clothes.

Stephen touched his face, trying to put his hand over Dylan’s mark. 

What’s missing, Stephen?

What was missing? Courage? Someone? Accepting that that wasn’t the life he deserved to live? What is missing?

Stephen could stay there thinking about everything that was missing in those twenty-five years of life, but that would take too long. He could organize everything in alphabetical order, in chronological order, or in relevance, but that would take his whole night.

Tony opened his wardrobe door and looked inside. It was just a movie.

It was a two-hour movie with someone handsome.

It was a two-hour movie with someone who had a boyfriend.

Stephen looked excited at his closet. The blue and white t-shirt or the brown jacket? Dark jeans or a light one? Why did he have so many clothes? When did that happen?

(...)

“So, when did you learn how to do makeup?” Stephen asked, sitting on the chair. He had his head leaned back, his eyes closed, and he could feel Tony spreading something on his face with a makeup brush. If Tony were doing something wrong he wouldn’t know. He just decided to trust him.

“My sister used to train on my face. I just liked to pay attention.” 

“A sister.” Tony nodded.

“Carol. It’s the two of us now. My parents adopted her when we moved to Sandy Point. She’s eighteen. What about you?”

“We’re in three. I don’t talk to them, not anymore.” Stephen admitted. He hadn’t heard about the family in a while. The last call had happened on June fourteenth that year, three weeks before. Exact twenty-two days before. And Stephen was counting.

Tony stayed in silence. He felt he had ruined everything, when he just wanted to do small talk.

“It worked.”  He said, and Stephen looked at him. He smiled. He got up from the chair, looked himself in the mirror in the office and smiled. There was no sign that he had been hit. Tony closed everything and cleaned his hands. “Are you ready? We can go.”

Stephen nodded. He followed Tony to the car. The silence was there again. Good, calm, comfortable.

Tony turned off the radio when he heard “This autumn, the Risen comes back to our screens with a…” and smiled.

He was on the radio. I mean, not only him, but it was his show after all. He was the lead. That night wasn’t about how he got there, that was a night about Stephen, and how Tony would do everything in his power to make him feel better. Why he was on the radio, or on tv for that matter, how he had got relatively famous, or where he got his money from wouldn't matter.

"I don't like talk shows." Tony explained simply and he felt kinda dumb. Of course he liked it, especially if the talk show had his tv show on it. 

He parked his car in the parking lot of the Santa Monica Place, like he had planned on doing, and got the elevator to the third level with Stephen. The frozen yogurt shop was closed, so they went straight to the movies.

(08:23 pm) Scott:

I've heard you're on a DATE. I WANNA HEAR EVERYTHING. TELL ME EVERYTHING, IDIOT.

Tony put his phone back in his pocket, ignoring his friend. There wasn't a date. There were two gays in a movie theater, watching a movie about two women who loved each other and were trying to stay together, but it wasn't a date.

(...)

Stephen stopped in front of his office door, the hand on the doorknob. 

"Tony?" Tony looked back, letting go of his own door to look at him. 

"Yeah"

"I haven't had a good day like this in forever. Thank you." Tony smiled.

"I'll be here tomorrow at seven thirty to do your makeup so you can go to work." Stephen nodded. "Goodnight, Stephen".

"Goodnight, Tony." The older man got in the house and stared at the closed door. He took his shoes off and went to the bedroom.

He was in bed, naked from the chest up, only a blanket over his torso. The window was opened. 

He truly hadn't had a comfortable day like this in a while. The movie was good. A bit sad, but good. The company was… amazing. He was happy. It felt good to be happy. He had forgotten how good it was.

It was nice to have a friend for a change. Tony seemed intriguing and Stephen was curious. And there was something about the way Stephen heard Tony pronounce his name that Stephen loved.

Chapter Text

Tony showed up that Friday morning with the bag full of products that Hope had bought.

"Have you eaten?" Stephen asked, and Tony shook his head. "Do you wanna go?

It was an invitation. Stephen didn't want to let go anymore. He feared that if he let him, that he would lose the neighbor, so he would be alone again. What was the problem? It was just coffee. Plus, he knew a place Dylan never went to.

He didn't wanna be alone again. He couldn't let, after all that time alone, friendless, someone who wanted to be with him go.

Maybe Stephen's idea of not letting Tony go would become an obsession, or maybe he'd end up destroyed and alone again for some reason. Who knew?

Tony wanted to. He truly did. And it was too early on a Friday morning for him to be found, but what if they did? What if they found him? What if someone recognized him? Would he be stuck inside his house with Stephen waiting for the right moment to go out with him properly? What would happen three months from there?

Stephen didn't know that sometimes, if people say they can't go out with you, is because they truly can't , not because they don't want him around. Stephen couldn't discern between the two situations. In his mind every time someone said they couldn't was because they didn't want to.

"Sure. Do you know a place this time?" Stephen nodded.

(...)

"Your neighbor?" Hope asked. "What is going on?"

"Do you remember when I told you that his boyfriend hit him?"

"That was on Sunday." 

"I was right. He does. But he called me this time." 

"I still think it's not a good idea, Tony. You'll end up hurt."  Tony didn't know what difference that could make. What could happen? He gets punched?

(...)

(7:12 pm) Tony:

What are you doing tonight? Because my friends are going to a club and I'm not in the mood. I thought maybe we could eat that frozen yogurt we didn't eat that night. What do you think?

(7:12 pm) Stephen:

Are you sure you wanna spend your Friday night with me?"

(7:13 pm) Tony:

With this excitement? No.

(7:13 pm) Stephen:

I'll be home in a few minutes.

Tony smiled and got up. He took a shower and went to Carol's bedroom.

"Are you absolutely sure you don't wanna go to Avalon with us? It's Avalon, Tony. And Rhodey will be there."

"Right. Say hi to Hollywood for me."

"Why do you wanna stay home on a Friday night? What are you gonna do?" Tony shrugged. "Is everything okay? 

"Please leave my house." Tony asked, pushing her to the side door. "Leave, now." Stephen had just got to the side entrance when they appeared at the door.

"My phone. Hold on." Carol walked away, getting her phone in her room. She showed Tony her hand, asking for something.

"What?"

"Car keys." Tony shook his head. "Tony, you promised. You said that I could use your car!”

“We can use mine.” Stephen was still standing by the door, watching the two of them. Carol looked at him, then to her brother and got the car keys. She left, holding a laugh. Tony and his neighbor? That’s why he didn’t wanna go to Avalon?

“I have a car that we can use. You don’t have to drive us around all the time” Tony smiled.

“Yeah, but what happens if a talk show starts?” Stephen laughed.

“You can turn it off, I allow you.”

(...)

They drove to Santa Monica Place that night, bought some frozen yogurt and drove along Ocean Avenue just to see how things were, and then they went back to Stephen’s house to watch something together.

Tony heard a noise on the side entrance and got up. Stephen put the tv on mute. The younger man left through the office, finding Rhodey on the stairs, sitting, his eyes half closed.

“HEY!” Rhodey yelled, drunk.

“What are you doing here, J?” Rhodey tried to get up, but he gave up after the third attempt. “How did you get here?”

“Someone brought me. But they left.” Tony rolled his eyes and got his phone. 

“That’s called uber. His name was Henry.” 

“Fuck Henry.” 

“What are you doing here?”

“Carol said you were home.” Tony nodded. 

“And what are you doing here?”

“You didn’t call, and you weren’t at the party. I thought you were gonna show up, but then I decided to come, because you didn’t show up.” Stephen chuckled. He and Tony exchanged a look.

“You don’t care about me. You didn’t call.” It was Tony’s time to chuckle. “Not funny.”

“You told me not to call, remember? In the waterfall” Stephen’s mind worked without him wanting to. And his brain reminded him of the conversation a drunk Tony and his friends had had, a few nights before, about how he had sex with someone in a waterfall.

It was the man on the floor, and Stephen thought for a second that Tony was the type of guy that would let you on the floor when he didn’t want you anymore. And Stephen thought that if he fell again he wouldn’t have strength to get up.

“That's not a discussion we should be having right now, you won’t remember it anyway.” Tony helped him get up and opened his door. “I think we’ll have to call it a night.”

Stephen nodded. “Yeah, that’s what it seems.” Tony nodded. Stephen was serious, not a single muscle moving as he spoke.

“It’s not what… I see you tomorrow?” 

“Tomorrow is trash day.” Stephen said. Stephen had built his wall again, this gigantic wall between him and his neighbor, because he didn’t wanna stay on the floor, he didn’t need anyone else pushing him down, he had Dylan to do that.

“Goodnight, Stephen.”

“Night, Tony.” He watched, leaned on the door frame, Tony put the man inside. 

“He’s not gonna call you!” Rhodey yelled from the kitchen. 

Yeah. Now Stephen thought he wouldn’t. He got home after closing Tony’s kitchen door.

And he was alone, with an unfinished movie and the feeling that the previous days would last less than he had imagined, and that all his energy had been a complete waste of hope. Stephen didn’t even know why he had opened up for Tony in the first place.

(...)

Tony was next to the sink, a cereal bowl on his hand when Rhodey got in. 

“Your breakfast.” He said, serious. Rhodey looked to the sink, to a blue mug full of hot coffee, three toasts and a glass of water and a painkiller.

Rhodey pulled everything to his side, as far as possible from Tony. 

“Though night, wasn’t it?” Tony asked.

‘I’m sorry.” Tony raised his eyebrows, scoffing. 

“You’re sorry? Why?” Rhodes put the spoon in the bowl. Rhodey still hadn’t looked at him. “I can wait all morning.”

“You have all the right to be mad, I…” 

“You WHAT?” Tony yelled. “You knocked on my door, almost passed out drunk after one am, saying that I didn’t care about you? How is that fair? What’s your point? You tell me what your point is, because I don’t know.” 

“I’m sorry, Tony. I don’t know why I came, I…”

“What do you want? Hm? You had your chance and what did you do with it? Are you trying to laugh at me? Or suddenly you’re feeling sorry for me?”

“That’s not it.” 

“Great, because on Sunday we sat by that bonfire and we promised each other that nothing would happen, that we wouldn’t make that a big deal, that there wouldn’t be any feelings between us. You told me that. You.”

“I swear I didn’t mean, Tony.”

“Of course you didn’t. Because we had that, you know? We had this good thing between us and we never needed the kisses, the sex that never happened, we completed each other, and suddenly we decided to let everything go for some...  How do you expect me to be?”

“Tony…”

“I’m not done. It was your fault the first time. Do you remember? Things were good again, but we let everything behind on the holiday. Why?” Rhodey didn’t answer. Tony put two papers on the counter. “Just in case you forgot.”

Rhodey left the room, leaving the house and sitting on the stairs. He didn’t need the script, because he had lived every moment of it for a long time. The time Tony wasn’t famous, when people wouldn’t recognize him as he walked down the street, back to a time when he and Rhodey would get Howard’s car and drive to Venus Bay on their own, away from Sandy Point, away from the woods and the quiet of a 300-inhabitant village. 

It seemed like another lifetime. It felt like his imagination, when things change so much and so fast that you feel like the past never existed, when things were simpler, when they had no problems, and if they had problems things were so good they barely noticed them. Now problems seemed bigger, impossible to carry, and he felt as if only bad things were happening to them. It felt like they couldn’t get it right, that Rhodey couldn’t make anything right.

If you’re in love with Tony Stark you don’t kiss him. Please, please don’t kiss him.

Tony walked down Ocean Park boulevard and called Carol. 

“Hey, I’m driving back home.” Carol said. 

“I’m at Gelson’s. Can you meet me there? I need to talk."

“I’ll meet you there in ten.” Tony made a turn to the left and Carol found him wondering around the parking lot of the supermarket. She left the driver’s seat and let Tony drive.

“Are you having something with your neighbor?” She asked. He left Santa Monica and drove north to Malibu. 

“I am not. We’re friends, I guess.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I don’t know. It feels like I have to take things slow with him, you know? And I don’t know what’s happening, so I can’t…  I don’t wanna ruin it."

“What about Rhodey?” Tony took a deep breath and turned right. 

“There isn’t a Rhodey, not anymore. I've tried to move on, and then we had this thing and it’s over, whatever that was. I can’t let him hurt me again, that’s not… He’s in my house.”

“What?”

“He went there yesterday. I was watching a movie with Stephen, and he left the party around one am and took an uber to my house. He cried about how I never treated him right. What did he want me to do? I liked him, he broke my heart, we moved on, we hook up and now he’s crying about his own heart? No, thanks.”

“He likes you.”

“So what? I liked him, I fell in love with him and what did that bring me, Carol? Absolutely fucking nothing.”

Stephen opened the side door, went to the trash can and threw his trash there.

“Are you feeling better?” Rhodey looked up, to see Stephen there looking at him, his back against the door, his arms crossed.

“What?” He seemed confused. He had never seen the man in front of him. He seemed kind, a mixture of happy and sad in his eyes, as if he had seen the best and the worst of life, and the prettiest eyes Rhodey had seen.

“Yesterday you seemed a little… Shaken up. I’m sorry, I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. Tony didn’t seem very happy about it.” Rhodey’s face changed, from confusion to realization. Tony was with his neighbor the night before? At one am? He had seen him get there? He and Tony? And then he remembered Tony calling his landlady that day on the Big Sur to ask if he was okay. 

“It’s an eight-year story. It’s complicated” Stephen nodded. 

“I understand ‘complicated’. If you need anything you can just knock. I’m Stephen.”

“I’m Rhodey. Hm, James Rhodes.” Stephen nodded.

Tony went back home after having lunch with Carol at the Malibu Farm Cafe. He  got in the house to find Rhodey on the couch waiting for him.

“We need to talk.” Tony nodded. Yes, they did.

Chapter Text

Those eyes used to know me, it's been way too long
You are the moon and the stars, and all they gaze upon
Time won't ever move slowly, what you waiting on?
Yeah, what you waiting on?

Giants - Dermot Kennedy

He left for the front entrance. Tony closed the door and looked at him. 

“I’m sorry.” Rhodey started. “I fucked things up a long time ago, not only yesterday, I know that.”

“I’m listening.”

“You are there for me all the time and I played with you and I hurt you and I recognize that, yes. What happened this holiday was a mistake, we both know that. We’re trying to find something, we’re trying to make it a thing that is not… It’s not us. We’re not meant to be together.”

“The holiday wasn’t only your fault.”

“It was. It has always been my fault. We’ve been friends for a long time, Tony, and I haven’t acted as a friend lately, and I know that’s not fair, and I know timing sucks, and I understand that we’re worlds apart, even though we’re good friends. I know what I did to you.”

“I don’t blame you for what you did.” Rhodey smiled. 

“No, but it’s there, isn’t it? When you look at him and you see... You see how everything happened, and how his character makes you think of us.” Tony smiled. 

“It’s over now, it doesn’t matter. We can move on and keep as friends.” Rhodey nodded. Telling Tony he liked him would be unfair, to say the least, because he knew Tony was working hard on healing, he knew that Tony looked good, and that despite everything, they were good. Rhodey couldn’t just get there and be completely honest with Tony. And if he did what he did to Tony he had the right to do that to himself.

“Who’s he?” Rhodey asked. Tony looked at him confused. “Stephen. That’s why you were so angry earlier today, wasn’t it? Because I know you, you would laugh.”

“That was not funny. It wasn’t.” Rhodey nodded. 

“Sorry.” Tony raised his eyebrows. “Still, who is he?”

“He’s a friend, Rhodey. He’s nice, and I have this thing, I feel like I need to try to make the world better for him, that I need to make everything better for him, that I need to be…” Tony stopped, trying to find some comparison.

“Like I wasn’t” Tony leaned his head to the side, looking at Rhodey as if he hadn’t had patience for that. “It’s okay, I can take it.” 

“I just wanna be who he needs, that’s all. He seems interesting, that’s all I’m saying.” Rhodey shook his head. “Scott texted me, they’re coming over later today, do you wanna stay? There are some of your clothes in my wardrobe.” 

“Yeah, that sounds good. Is your friend coming over?”

“Give me a break, Rhodes.” Tony got inside and grabbed the trash bags. He got bored because there was nothing new. Everything in the trash container from Stephen’s house were the same things he already knew about. The makeup boxes, the Denny’s containers, but he got happy anyway. That meant he didn’t need the trash cans anymore, he had other ways to know if Stephen was okay or not.

The older one didn’t show up during that time. It seemed like he wasn’t even home. Everything was so quiet that Tony just figured he was at the company, but now he wasn’t that sure. He thought about calling Stephen over, but what would they talk about? What would they do?

Stephen spent the entire morning at home, angry at himself, because he got carried away, he had opened his gates to Tony and he had let him in. He never met the neighbor. He had slept on his neighbor’s chest, he had shared the same straw with the neighbor, they had gone to the movies, they had used the same spoon and now those details that seemed unimportant were weighing on him. He had crossed the line, lines he didn’t even know existed. He was slightly bothered with himself, with his own body. That Saturday he cleaned, he took out the trash, he washed the bathroom, the kitchen, he vacuumed the entire house, because he couldn’t relax, and when he couldn’t relax he usually just cleaned.

(6:45 pm) Scott:

I hope I get to your house in time to see your new boyfriend there. 

(6:45 pm) Tony:

Who? Rhodey? 

(6:46 pm) Scott:

YOU DIDN’T… TONY ANTHONY STARK

(6:46 pm) Tony:

That’s definitely my name. 

I don’t have a boyfriend ;)

(6:47 pm) Scott:

Your neighbor, then. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Tony rolled his eyes and left the cell phone on the bed. He could call Stephen, couldn’t he? What could go wrong? He could tell him he didn’t want to, he could tell him he was busy, or he could say yes and show up and meet Tony’s friends. And Tony was hopeful to see Stephen and his friends together, because maybe, deep down, Tony felt like there was something there he wouldn’t be able to let go, something he wanted to hold on to and watch it stay. That was probably why Tony had decided to work so hard to be with Stephen every second he could, for the same reason he had spent so much money with him already, and the reason why he got so angry the night before, with Rhodey showing up like that. Tony knew that thinking about falling in love would only make things more difficult, or easy. He knew that the feeling would simply happen now that the thought was in his head. It was only a matter of time. 

Chapter Text

We are runnin' so fast
And we never look back
And whatever I lack, you make up
We make a really good team
And not everyone sees
We got this crazy chemistry
Between us

You don't have to say I love you to say I love you
Forget all the shooting stars and all the silver moons
We've been making shades of purple out of red and blue
Sickeningly sweet like honey, don't need money
All I need is you

(For Him. - Troye Sivan)

(8:12 pm) Tony:

What are you doing?

(8:13 pm) Stephen:

Why?

(8:13 pm) Tony:

My friends are here.

(8:14 pm) Stephen:

I’ve noticed.

(8:14 pm) Tony:

Do you wanna come over?

(8:14 pm) Stephen:

Why?

Tony took a deep breath and got up. Scott, Hope, Carol, Rhodey, Bruce, Thor, Loki, Pepper and Sam were in the living room with him.

“I’ll be right back.” Scott looked at him, chuckling. 

“Please, do.” He said. Tony left the living room to the kitchen, and knocked on Stephen’s side door. Stephen exhaled. He went to the office and opened the door.

“Are you okay?” Stephen nodded. “Why are you asking so many questions?”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Well, my friends are here, you are my friend, why wouldn’t you join us?” Tony asked. He watched Stephen look to the doorframe, and then look at him.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea…”

“Look, if this is about last night I can totally explain...”

“I don’t need pity, Tony. I don’t need people trying to be my friend just because I’m in a bad place.” 

“You may not know, Stephen, but I need a new friend, way more than you need one. I love all of them there, but I feel like I need to always exceed expectations. Even my own sister’s expectations, and I can’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“A new boyfriend, something bigger, work and more work, because you’re on vacation so you have time to spend sixteen hours working, and they always want more, they always want better things, more intense things, and I just need someone who has no idea, who’s not trying to beat the numbers all the time, because… I can’t do it. I can’t just listen to them talking about the same things all the time. Please.”

Stephen took a deep breath. 

“I need someone normal for a change.” Stephen chuckled, finding it funny.

“Good luck on your search.” Tony looked at him, his mouth opened, his heart beating fast. Did he just hear what he thought he had? Did Stephen just reject him?”

“Go ahead.” Stephen pushed him back to his kitchen, getting in too. Tony looked at him in the kitchen and smiled. He looked to his right side, to see his friends through the living room door. 

“Guys?” Tony went to the living room. Behind him a slightly taller man. Scott and Hope smiled at each other. “This is Stephen.” 

The older one waved. He was thankful that one of the things he used to do when he was stress cleaning was take a long bath, because now he wasn’t smelling like cleaning products.

“Stephen, that’s my younger sister Carol” He shook her hand. “Sam, Bruce, Thor, Loki, Pepper, Rhodey, Scott and Hope.” Hope smiled and waved. 

“Your friend from Wednesday…” Hope smiled. Was she there?

“That would be me.” She winked at him. “Have a seat, we’re deciding what we’re gonna eat.”

Stephen sat next to her and Tony sat next to him. 

“Okay, so, we all work with the same thing, except Carol and Rhodey.” 

“And what do you two do?” Tony looked at Carol before she started saying something.

“I’m a philosophy student at UCLA.” 

“Oh, wow! Oh, okay. Smart.” Carol’s smile got bigger. 

“Don’t get her started.” Tony asked. “She’s gonna talk about Descartes nonstop.” 

“I’m kinda not doing anything at the moment. I’m trying to find something, tho.” Rhodey explained, before Carol could correct Tony, because he knew he had said the wrong Philosopher on purpose. “What do you do?”

“Hm, design. Web design.” Pepper looked at him and raised her eyebrows.

“Wow, a creative type. My type.” Scott rolled his eyes. “So, do you have someone?”

“I have a boyfriend.” 

“HOLY FUCK” Scott yelled and grabbed Hope’s hand. “Sorry, carry on, I forgot the oven on, we’ll be right back, text me if you need anything.” Tony opened his mouth a few times. 

"You don't cook." Tony said. Scott shrugged and left, still holding Hope's hand.

“Hm, what did just happen?” Tony smiled. 

“They’re like this, don’t worry. They’ve been together for a few years now. So, food?” 

“We can get the food.” Pepper offered. ‘We’ meant her, Sam and Loki. “Bruce and Thor can get the… Are we staying?”

“Well, we have space.” Tony said, and looked at Stephen.

“Yeah, but what about you?” 

“I’m not sleeping tonight, don’t worry about that. I have plans” Bruce and Thor raised their eyebrows and looked away. 

“So Thor and Bruce get the rest of the stuff, you all have fun.” Tony nodded. He watched as his friends left the house. Carol looked at him.

“Can I talk to you?” Tony followed her to his room. “You’re not sleeping here?”

“I’ll..”

“Go out with Stephen?”

“Santa Monica.” Carol nodded. “I just thought it would be interesting. I can ask him to sleep on his couch."

“God, you’re something else.” Carol exhaled. “Call Hope and ask her to bring their stuff.”

In the living room Rhodey looked at Stephen.

“Hey, thank you about this morning. I don’t usually do this kind of stuff.”

“It’s alright.”

“It’s just complicated.”

“Are you two together?” Rhodey laughed. “What?”

“We were a good time, you know? We had this chemistry and we had all these good moments where we didn’t need money, and things didn’t have to be said for us to say them, but we were going too fast, so…”

“You guys broke up?” Rhodey shook his head.

“We never had anything. When he was about to ask me into this real, intense relationship, I… I said I didn’t want to, because I was having some kind of relationship with someone else, so he spent some time in Sydney before moving here. Tony is the most amazing person in the world, I just hope he finds someone as amazing as he is. I’m sorry about last night, I don’t know what I said, but he’s a good person, and he’s a great friend. And I can say that because I’m sober now.”

Stephen smiled and nodded. That was more than he thought he would get, and now he felt bad for judging the neighbor. Everything was a little foggy, he just wanted to understand things better.

“Stephen?” He looked up, watching Carol come back to the living room. “Can you come here a second?”

He got up and looked for Tony around the house, finding him in a bedroom. 

“Hey. Rhodes is nice.” Tony nodded. “Your friends seem nice, but they’re kinda…”

“Too much?” Tony nodded. “They think we’re having something.”

“Oh.” Stephen raised his eyebrows. 

“Well, they’re gonna sleep here.” 

“You need a place to stay” He shook his head.

“Actually, what are you doing later?” 

“You mean in the middle of the night?” Tony nodded. “Sleeping.” 

Tony laughed. “Well, yeah, that’s what normal people do. Do you wanna go somewhere with me?”

“Sure, I guess. Will you still need a place to stay?”

“Look, Stephen, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“It’s just a bed, Tony. Let’s just build a friendship, okay? No judgments, no doing things we think we don’t want to do” Tony nodded.

“I would like that.” They went back to the living room.

Scott closed the car door at the same time Hope did it. 

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Tony wants to help, right? And now he and Stephen are friends.” Hope nodded. “And Tony thinks he needs to get rid of his boyfriend.”

“I’m following.”

“What happens a few months from now, if Tony manages to make him break up with the boyfriend? I mean, from what it seems, Stephen doesn’t have many friends” Hope thought for a second.

“Oh, fuck, that’s not gonna be good.”

“No, it won’t. We have a problem.” Hope nodded.

(...)

Sam, Loki and Pepper got in the car. 

“You’re so inappropriate.” Loki commented, on the passenger seat.

“I could ask the question or try to kiss him.”

“You’re with Tony the longest and you still haven’t learned that if Tony introduces people you don’t kiss them, because there’s something there? That’s just common sense by now.”

“Oh, honey, if there’s something there I wanna be Tony Stark when I grow up.”

Sam smiled. “I’ll love to share the room with you guys.” 

“They’re all so fucking beautiful, what the fuck?” Loki said, and they smiled.

When they went back to the house Loki, Pepper and Rhodey were holding four boxes of pizza, three bottles of soda, two bottles of juice and some nachos. Scott and Hope took longer to come back, Hope coming in trying to pass an entire mattress through the front door. 

She screamed, which made Stephen smile.

“There’s another one in the car, if someone wants to help.” Thor and Loki got up and went to the car to get the other mattress. 

"So, only the two of you are dating?” Stephen asked, when everybody was back to the living room, now sitting on the mattresses.

‘I’m not with Thor because he doesn’t want to.” Carol said, joking.

“You’re eight years younger than me. And you’re eighteen, not gonna happen.” Carol shrugged. 

“Just the two of them, unless you count every time we find Bruce and Thor snogging around during their work break.” Bruce got red. 

“I have a boyfriend in London.” Sam said. “Which reminds me that I need London already, Tony.” 

“You’ll be there. It will be fun.”

“How long have you been in a relationship?” Pepper asked. 

“Hm, ten years? I… No, nine.” Hope raised her eyebrows. It wasn’t possible that that person in front of her would spend so much time with a person like the one Tony described.

Sam, Loki and Pepper looked at each other. If Tony had hope there… Oh boy.

Stephen was happy. It was impressive how many times he had noticed that new feeling inside of him after Tony. If it was Saturday and Dylan still hadn’t shown up, then he got relieved, because the next day the boyfriend would go to New Hope for three weeks, and he was definitely free.

Scott screamed, Loki tried to tell jokes, they ate almost all the pizza and the nachos, and Rhodey and Stephen paired up to play Pictionary against Carol and Tony, Scott and Hope, Sam and Pepper, and Loki, Thor and Bruce.

Tony would look at Stephen sometimes, seeing a smile on his face, and when he did that he would feel this warm feeling inside of him, his heart would do this thing that he couldn’t describe, it was inevitable.

“Thank you.” Stephen moved his lips to Tony while the others were yelling random words to Carol, trying to guess what he had drawn. The two of them looked to the board.

“A GOOSE!” Stephen yelled. Carol pointed at him.

“YES, BITCH!” Rhodey yelled, and touched Stephen’s shoulder.

If he kept saying that that had been a good day he would get tired. He had been telling himself that the three nights before that one and he felt like things would keep being like that for a while.

He really thanked him. He thanked Tony with his heart full of a good feeling, full of something he had forgotten during those last years. If that was the life he would live from there on, even if only during the moments Dylan would be away, then he was fine. And now he had something he had lost. He had perspective. Those people were amazing, loud, intense, kind and Stephen couldn’t have asked for better people to share that night.

Tony was… He was on cloud nine. He loved those people. They made him happy. There weren’t other things he would rather be doing that night. And glancing at Stephen and seeing the smiles on his face was an amazing feeling. He could stay there for the rest of his life. If he kept thinking about everything… He wouldn’t mind. Every effort to make Stephen’s days a little better were worthy if he could keep glancing at him and seeing all the happiness.

Tony decided that he could fall in love, it wouldn’t matter, and if he did and Stephen didn’t want anything with him, still all the effort would still be worthy. And Tony was sure that now that he had the thought of falling in love in his head, that it would only be a matter of time, because, honestly, who wouldn’t fall in love with Stephen Strange?

Chapter Text

Around two am they all organized their things and designated the places they would sleep. Scott and Hope in Tony's bed, Carol and Sam in her room, Bruce and Thor in the living room with Pepper and Loki. Rhodey decided he would go home. 

Stephen helped him clean the living room.

“Do you wanna go?” Stephen nodded. Tony got in his room and got a blanket. “Okay.”

Stephen followed him to the car, wondering what they would do with a blanket at two am and where they would go. Tony drove for only five minutes, then he parked his car on Ocean Avenue, a few meters from the Santa Monica Pier. Stephen followed him outside the car, across the street. The pier was almost empty at two am, some lights on, almost completely silent. 

Tony walked down the stairs to the pedestran bridge over the highway to the sand, taking off his shoes and Stephen did the same thing. The cold wind touched their faces and Stephen understood what they would do with the blanket.

“What are we doing here?” Tony shrugged. He gave one of the edges of the blanket to Stephen, who put it in his back. They sat on the sand, sharing the blanket. 

“That’s my favorite place in Santa Monica. It’s cold, it’s amazing, you know? Staying here after everybody left, listening to the ocean waves hitting the pier, the seagulls going after the food humans may have left behind…”

“It’s nice in here.” Tony nodded. They were next to each other, Stephen with his legs crossed, Tony had his knees on his chest. Their bodies were slightly touching.

“What do you think of them?”

“They’re amazing, Tony, truly, thank you.” Tony smiled. “You work with them?”

“I’m an artist.” Stephen raised his eyebrows. “What?”

“Nothing. It’s nice, you guys took your passions and use it as work.”

“What is your passion?”

“Photography. I would travel the world taking pictures. I would spend my entire life carrying everything I had in a backpack, no permanent address, maybe a mailbox, and I would visit every corner of the world.”

“That sounds amazing.” Stephen nodded. “Do you wanna go?”

“What?”

“On our next trip. Take pictures for us, I’m sure we can find you something to do.” Stephen smiled.

“It’s not that easy. He wouldn’t let me. And I don’t wanna share moments like this with him, carry him around, knowing that the people I work with every day know that we fight the way we fight.”

“It’s easy, Stephen. Just break up with him and come.” Stephen shook his head, because he thought Tony wasn’t being serious. Tony wouldn’t forget the invitation. Why not?

The silence was there again. That silence between them, only the sound of the ocean and the city behind them. The comfortable silence. The one Tony thought he could live in for the rest of his life. 

A little after three that night Stephen got his first text.

(03:13 am) Dylan:

Hey. The plane is taking off. I hope you’ll be okay. Things are confusing, I think we need to sit and talk when I come back. I know things with your family are not easy, but if you need anything just tell me.”

(03:14 am) Stephen:

Just don’t go to Victor’s. Please, please, please, if you have any feelings for me don’t go to Victor. That’s all.

(03:14 am) Dylan: 

What are you still doing awake?

(03:15 am) Stephen:

Please, Dylan, don’t go there. My brother didn’t like you, it would be disrespectful to him. You know he never liked you, so don’t go to the cemetery, please.

Tony was facing the ocean, trying to give Stephen the space he needed. Stephen threw his phone on the sand, next to his shoes, the screen facing down. He exhaled, afraid of Dylan going to the cemetery in New Hope.

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m free.” Stephen said. “His flight just took off. Three weeks. I’ve never had that much time away from him before."

“That’s great, isn’t it?” Stephen nodded.

“Tony?” He looked at Stephen. “Victor…”

Stephen looked up, and then he closed his eyes. Tony kept looking at him.

“Victor was my brother.” Tony put his hand on Stephen’s thigh and Stephen put his own hand over his.

“What happened?”

“It was a car accident. He was my favorite person.”

“Were you close?” Stephen nodded. He looked at Tony and put his head on his shoulder.

“Like you and Carol. It happened last month.” 

“That’s why I found you in the hallway.” Stephen nodded again. Tony turned the hand on his leg up and intertwined their fingers. “Is that why you’re not going?”

“I like my sister. She and Victor were the good part. My parents… You know.” Tony nodded. He squeezed his hand gently, to show him he was there, and they stayed there in silence, the blanket over their backs, Stephen’s head on Tony’s shoulder, holding hands.

He could stay there again. Like in every moment with Stephen, he felt like he could stay there for as long as it was humanly possible, just to go somewhere else, to another moment that Tony would want to last forever. He had shared his favorite place, his friends, and Stephen had shared his truths, that nothing would change.

Stephen wasn’t sad. With Tony’s hand holding his he felt that he was okay. He was feeling okay, his heart steady, a light breeze touching their faces, the feeling of being free, of a time away from Dylan that he never had, but now he thought he wouldn’t be alone. He had someone there.

The night turned into day, their silence became other people’s noise, of birds, cars, stores opening, surfers arriving to get the good waves. They got up. Tony helped him, pulling him by the hand, they folded the blanket and drove back to the house. In Stephen’s house Tony got a clean blanket in the office and he followed Stephen to the bedroom. 

“Goodnight, Tony.” Stephen said, his back to Tony.

“Goodnight, Stephen.” Stephen smiled.

(...)

Tony spent his Tuesday in the studio, finishing some scenes. 

“He has a boyfriend.” Tony nodded. “And you like him.” He nodded again. “And he doesn’t know what you really do.” 

He closed the script and looked at Pepper.

“I’m trying to work here, you know?” She raised her hand. “Thank you.”

He opened on the page he was reading, closing his eyes and mumbling the lines in his head. 

“And you go through his trash?” Tony took a deep breath and closed the script again. He turned his body in her direction.

“I don’t go through it, it’s just there, you know? And I like him, he’s amazing and I would love to spend some time with him, but I don’t wanna make him think that I’m just trying to be friends to become something else. I wanna make him see that it’s more than just an “i think I like him”. I just wanna spend time with him.”

“You should.” Tony nodded.

“I will. Not today, because we’re stuck in here since yesterday, but I’ll spend some time with him as soon as I can.”

“You should spend time with him tomorrow.”

“I won’t, if you don’t let me work. Shut up.” She smiled and let him finish his reading. 

(...)

(7:31 pm) Tony:

Maybe you should just arrive before him and remove all the screws of his chair.

(7:34 pm) Stephen:

I wish!! I just can't stand working next to the guy. I think I need to find something else to do with my life.

(7:37 pm) Tony:

My offer still stands. What are you waiting for?

(7:37 pm) Stephen:

I would need a new life.

(7:37 pm) Tony:

Maybe we should build you one, then, together.

(7:38 pm) Stephen:

Not that simple. Are you home?

(7:38 pm) Tony:

Working until god knows when. Breakfast tomorrow?

(7:39 pm) Stephen:

I would love to.

On Wednesday morning Stephen grabbed his new camera and put all the lenses in his bag.  He knocked on Tony’s door.

“Hey, I was about to text you. Are you ready to go?” 

“Sure. I was wondering, if you have time later, if you don’t want to go out, so I can use it.” Tony smiled.

“Are you free this week?” Stephen frowned. 

“Yeah. I finished the website last week.” Stephen wondered for a second if Tony was about to bail on him that morning. That was he was about to do, wasn’t it? Stephen was stressed about work, he just wasn’t feeling like going that day. He wanted to do something he actually liked, with someone he liked, without worrying about the size of a html tag, or a button that didn’t match the color scheme. He needed something else. 

“Great. Go pack, I’ll meet you outside in one hour.”  Tony was about to close the door.

“Wait, what?”

“You said you’re free this week. Go pack, I know a great place for you to take pictures, we’re traveling.” Stephen didn’t answer. He stood by the door, not knowing how to react, while Tony closed his own door. Tony moved his hands at him, asking him to hurry. Tony went to the closet in the living room, getting all the camping gear from the holiday.

He went to his room and packed as many clothes as he could inside a backpack, and the rest of the camping gear he put inside two storage boxes. He went to the car and put everything in there.

Stephen had decided that he wouldn’t overthink. Was he traveling with someone he had met the week before? Yes. Did he care? Oh, no, not at all. He was free, he could travel with a friend if he wanted to.

When he went outside Tony had already put the car near the side entrance and his trunk was half organized already.

“What are we doing?” 

“There’s a great place that I’ve been meaning to go, but during the holiday we went elsewhere, so now we’re going.” 

“Don’t you have to go to work?” Tony took his phone from his pocket. He called Pepper.

“Pepps, it’s me. So, can’t go to work this week, I see you next week, what do you think?”

“That’s not how it works.” He laughed. Stephen couldn’t hear her.

“Great, see you then!” and he hung up. “Now I don’t have anymore.”

“Easy like that? Oh, god, I want your job,” Tony smiled. 

"Breakfast at Urth?" Stephen laughed.

"Oh, you really know your way to my heart, don't you?" They got in the car. Stephen excited because of the trip and Tony excited because he had a feeling that it would be great.

(...)

Tony parked the car a little after five pm in the parking lot of the DoubleTree in Fresno, California. They had stopped in Bakersfield to eat lunch, stopped in Traver to buy more water and they also stopped in Kingsburg to take a few pictures and walk around a little bit.

“We’re not staying here” Tony looked at him. “Aren’t we going camping?”

“Oh, not in Fresno. I thought maybe we could walk a bit, have dinner, visit Woodward, which is beautiful in the summer, and in the morning we can drive to Yosemite.” Stephen nodded.

They got in and Stephen looked around, amazed. 

“Are we sharing the room with Obama? Because if we are, we’re in the right place.” Tony smiled. “This place is huge.”

“I don’t think I would share a room with Obama, maybe we could have dinner with him? What do you think he would order?” Stephen moved his head, smiling. 

“He seems like a grilled cheese kid of guy.” Tony smiled. They stopped at the front desk, Stephen still looking around every detail of the hotel. The center of the hotel was completely open, all the seven floors had open hallways, so Stephen could see everything from the floor to the glass ceiling. There was also in the first floor a two-storey-high water fountain, some palm trees, and every detail felt more expensive than Stephen’s entire life.

The man at the front desk smiled at him.

“Mr. Stark. Welcome back to the DoubleTree. It’s an honor.” Tony smiled.

“Thank you, Aaron. We need a double bed, please.”

“Right away, sir. Hm, does room seven oh seven sounds good to you?”

“Wonderful.”

“Great, Do you want to wait at the bar while we prepare your room?”

“No, it’s okay, we’ll walk around and have dinner, we’ll be back in a few hours.” The man nodded and Tony and Stephen left again.

“You know the man at the front desk? How long do you need to stay in a hotel for the receptionist to recognize you?”

“Oh, it’s a boring story.” Tony drove to Woodward park.

Chapter Text

Tony saw, through the corner of his eyes, the three girls get closer. He knew what was about to happen. They looked at each other, their eyes widened, a smile on their faces. 

“We gotta go.” He put his hand on Stephen’s back, trying to push him away from there.

“What? What’s wrong?” Tony took a deep breath. He didn’t need that now. He just wanted to leave, because questions would happen on both sides and he wasn’t ready. He thought he could hide it from him, he thought maybe for a second that he would be better not telling Stephen who he really was, what he really did, and then after a while, after building something, maybe he could tell Stephen his actual job. Now it was too late for that.

The girls looked at each other. The first one, Natalie, bit her fingers, the second, Alexa, hit the third.

“His hand, Lea!” Tony really didn’t wanna go through that, but he also didn’t want to ignore them. He owe them everything. If it wasn't for people like them he wouldn't even be there. Neither of them would. “Tony? TONY!” Stephen frowned and stopped walking. He looked at Tony a little confused. Tony had to stop. He turned around, looking at their excited faces.

“Hey, guys!” One of them squealed a bit. “How are you?”

“Oh. Okay. Hm. Great?” He smiled. It was always fun. He wondered if with time it would get boring to meet people who liked him and who liked the things he did, but for then it was always fun, it gave him a purpose, like he was doing the right thing, because people liked him, people liked his character so he was probably doing something right. "Hm"

"Don't mind her, she doesn't know how to speak. We're great! How are you? What are you doing in Fresno?" Tony shrugged. Stephen seemed so lost that Tony felt like leaving. He knew he would have to explain what all of that was, and that was the worst part of all of that. He felt like digging a hole in the ground and hiding there for the rest of his life. 

“I’m just enjoying the break.” They looked at Stephen, a million theories already forming in their heads.

“Can we hug you?” Tony nodded, and the three of them hug him together. “Are you staying long?”

“Oh, no, we’re leaving in the morning, we still have some road ahead.” 

“Are you going far?” Tony looked at Stephen.

“Oh, we’ll just see where we end up. We’re not sure.” 

“How’s Carol?”

“She went to New York last night to meet Chrise, she’s coming back next week.” 

“Can we just take a picture? We’re sorry to bother.” 

“Sure, it’s no problem.” Lea gave her cell phone to Tony, who passed it to Stephen. “Can you take it for us?”

“Sure.” Stephen forced a smile. Tony winked at him, but Stephen didn’t mind. He just wanted to know what all of that meant. He gave his cell phone back to Tony, who then gave it back to Lea.

“Thank you, Tony.” He waved at them, who left. Stephen stood in front of him.

“What was that?” Tony took a deep breath. At that moment questions would be answered. “Did you know them?”

“No.”

“They knew your name.” Stephen said, angry. 

“They’re my fans.” Stephen opened his mouth, but he ended up laughing.

“You’re an artist.” 

“I’m an actor, Stephen. I’m in a tv show. Artist.”

“No, no, no. You’re a street artist, a magician, a malabarist.” Tony laughed, finding it funny, but he stopped when he saw Stephen’s expression. “You’re famous?” 

“A little bit.”

“A little bit? Tony… What? Oh, god. Are there pictures of you online? Do they follow you? Are you news when you buy a hamburger?

“There are some things around.” Tony could feel Stephen’s brain working a million miles an hour.

“They’re gonna talk about me, aren’t they? Tony, I can’t. I can’t. He’s gonna kill me, he’s gonna… I can’t…”

“Hey” Tony held his face in his hand. “Don’t worry. Nothing will happen.”

“Yeah? How can you be so sure? How can you…”

“I won’t let it, Stephen. I promise I won’t let anything happen.” Stephen chuckled, sarcastically. 

“Yeah? And how can you promise me that? How the past few months have been to you?”

“You never said anything. I didn’t know. You never asked for help, you never knocked on my door… I would never have guessed that he…” He stopped himself. “I didn’t know. I always thought he just yelled at you.”

“How did you find out? Because… Because I know you knew, Tony. The day he hit me, the day...  The day I told him to shut up, while we were outside you said ‘don’t’, because you knew, didn’t you? You knew what could happen if he saw me with you” Tony stayed in silence. “How did you find out? Why did you suddenly want to take care of me?”

“How did we get here, Stephen?”

“Just tell me. Please, please just tell me.” Tony closed his eyes. He couldn’t tell, could he? It was way too embarrassing. 

‘I pay attention to your trash’ - No, he couldn’t do that. How would he do that? That was what kept him from talking to Stephen that first time, a month before. What kept him from knocking on Stephen's door that morning he saw the blood. 

“Tony?”

“The blood.” Tony mumbled.

“What?”

“The blood, the kleenexes with blood a few nights before I gave you the camera.” Stephen chuckled.

“You-You dig my trash?” He was perplexed. “Wha-”

“No, no, I just- I opened the trash can and it was there, and I thought, I thought I could do something about it, you know. I didn’t want to scare you.”

“So, it was just a one-time thing?”

“Yes.”

“So, the fact that you gave me a camera the day after I threw mine in the trash was just a coincidence?”

“Stephen, please.”

“Don’t ‘Stephen’ me, please don't. Now what? You’re gonna go through my bag while I’m sleeping?”

“Don’t do that.” Stephen shook his head. “Don’t go there, you know I won’t.”

"How do I know that? I don't know that. I barely know you, I mean, Tony, the actor, right in front of me. I don't know you, how can I be sure you won't... I’m out. I can’t- I-” Stephen took a deep breath again. He knew he could cry for thinking about it. 

“Why? We had an amazing day, what happened to that day?”

“You lied to me, Tony. Do you have any idea how many people lied to me in my life? Do you know how unsafe I feel right now? You've waited two hundred and twenty miles to tell me what you really did, you put me in danger, you put us in danger.”

“I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”

“YOU DON’T KNOW THAT. YOU DON’T KNOW HIM.” Stephen yelled, and then he gave a few steps back, because he wasn’t that person, not with other people, at least. He felt awful for yelling, because he promised he wouldn't be the person to yell. Of course he yelled at Dylan, but that was different. He felt like Dylan was the only person in the world who actually deserved being yelled at. "I need to go home, I can't be with you right now. I don't know why I'm doing this, I don't even know why I called you in the first place, I can't... This is... I can't be here, I can't... Oh my god, you're famous?"

“How did you think I pay for things? For the car, the camera, the hotel?”

“I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t. You didn’t have to.”

“But I want to.” Tony closed his eyes. He stayed in silence for a second, unsure of what to say. Something inside of him felt like broken, as if those minutes had destroyed something important. “Let’s just stay for the night and if you don’t wanna keep traveling tomorrow we can go back, let’s… talk tonight, I’ll tell you everything you wanna know, and tomorrow morning when we wake up, if you don’t wanna… we can go back home.”

“We go first thing tomorrow morning?” Tony nodded.

“As soon as we finish our breakfast we go back to Los Angeles and we move on with our lives.” Stephen thought for a second.

“Fine.”

Chapter Text

But if only you could see yourself in my eyes
You'd see you shine, you shine
I know you'd never leave me behind
But I am lost this time

Are we destined to burn or will we last the night?
I will hold you 'til I hold you right
But if only you could see yourself in my eyes
You'd see you shine, you shine

(Lost - Dermot Kennedy)

They kept walking in silence. Stephen hid his face behind his camera too many times, clearly avoiding any contact with him. Tony didn’t care. He liked the place, and despite the fight he also liked the company. He was slightly heartbroken because depending on how the next few hours went he would have to go home and simply move on, maybe try to build some friendship with Stephen, but he felt like he wouldn't get anything other than that. A friendship like any other. Probably not as strong and unbreakable as his friendship with Hope and Scott where you can simply not text for three months and you know they're there for you no matter what, but a friendship like those you have where you know the person is there, but you need to reasure yourself a few times a month to make sure that the lack of contact won't destroy it. Maybe that was all he would get now that he lied, now that Stephen thought he couldn't trust him.

“Do you think they’ll talk about me?” Stephen took the camera away from his face to look at Tony, who smiled.

“Oh, definitely. But they don’t know your name. Are you worried?”

Stephen took the picture and let his arms fall next to his body. 

“What’s gonna happen? I mean… What will they talk about?”

“Well, I said we were traveling, we’re alone in a park, and we still have time before we go back home.”

“Do you think they think we’re together?”

“That was the first thing they thought. It’s always the first thing.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m gay, because they know it, because I’m spending my free time with another guy around California instead of being in New York with my sister, or in Sandy Point with my parents, that I’m traveling with you instead of traveling alone, which is something I often do, and also because they think it’s their job.”

“A lot of options. Do you think they liked me? Or do you think they’ll hate me?”

“Why wouldn’t they like you?”

“I don’t know, what if they think we’re boyfriends?”

“What difference does it make, Stephen? You already have a boyfriend and what they think of us doesn’t matter.”

“Maybe they’ll think I’m not good enough for you, maybe they have certain standards that I just can’t reach.”

“You’re insane.”

“I just wanna make sure he’s gonna beat me up for the right reasons.” Tony looked at him, serious.

“He won’t. And what makes you think you’re not good enough for me?”

“What?”

“Why wouldn’t they think you’re good enough for me?”

“You’re almost the love of their lives.”

“So? I still don’t get it, why wouldn’t you be good for me?” Stephen took a deep breath. “Stephen, why do you think you’re not good enough for me?”

“Why would I be?” Tony smiled. “It’s not funny.”

“You have no idea, do you?” Stephen looked at him confused. “God, what did they do to you?” He stopped himself for a second. “I want an answer, Stephen. Why wouldn’t you be good enough for me? Why wouldn’t you be the right person for me?”

“Because I’m not.”

“And what makes you think that? Because I don’t see reasons for you to not be. I don’t know what you’re saying when you say that you’re not the right one for me, because… Because why wouldn’t I fall in love with you?”

“Tony.”

“I’m serious. I can’t see anything that would stop me from seeing you as the right person. Why not? Because they taught you you’re not worthy? Because you think you need to accept everything they do to you? Because you’re stuck with your boyfriend? Is that why? Because you’re damaged?”

“Stop.”

“No, I’m trying to understand, because I could see the right person in you, and I would easily fall in love with you, I mean, god forbid I might already be. Why not? You’re great.” Stephen shook his head.

“You are. And I don’t know what keeps you from seeing, Steph. I swear I’m trying. Do you wanna know what they thought of you?” Stephen shrugged. He knew Tony enough to know he would say it anyway. If he would believe it or not was another story.

There was something about thinking he wasn’t worthy that just made sense in his head. Especially now that Stephen knew Tony was the love of everybody’s life. There was something unreachable in Tony, now. Some fight that Stephen knew he would never be able to win. How could he be good enough for him? Him, Stephen Vincent Strange, the ordinary man whose boyfriend cheats on him every other day, I mean, if he can’t be good enough for Dylan, another ordinary man, how could he be good enough for Tony, the actor, famous and recognizable Tony? There was something inside him thinking about a possible relationship with the man in front of him, a premiere, an event and that's when Tony meets someone better than him, some pretty, talented actor or director. They go out for coffee, they talk about the things they have in common, they talk about fame and they realize they're in love, and Tony realizes that Stephen is a nobody, he's just an ordinary designer, broken, not as fun as the rich actor he is now in love with. Also there was something that made him feel even less worthy when Tony talked about how damaged he was. Damaged Stephen Strange, how dare he even go to bed thinking about being something else to his kind, handsome, talented neighbor? How dare him, ordinary Stephen Strange, think that Tony could fall in love with him? That Tony would see him and they would become something else? A couple? How could Tony, of all people, see in him something worthy of his time? Tony’s time, that now felt precious, expensive. Tony, the man right in front of him, willing to spend time with him, willing to take him on road trips around California. Why? Why was he doing all of that? Stephen couldn’t understand. He couldn’t see it. He felt like a charity case, like the free project Tony was doing just for the good press. 

“They think you’re pretty. God, they think you’re handsome. They saw in you someone uncomfortable with fame, and they probably left mumbling about how we look amazing together, they’re asking themselves if the relationship they think we have is gonna last, because right now you’re just the most intriguing person in their lives and they’re probably praying to all the gods they could pray that what they think we have lasts, because they know nothing about you, the only thing they know is that I shine around you.”

“I asked you to stop.”

“Hey, Stephen.” He shook his head. He was probably the most difficult person to compliment on the planet. “Stephen?”

“What?”

“You’re amazing.” Tony said, looking in his eyes.

He was sure it was unfair. He was sure that thinking of himself as a charity case meant thinking of Tony as someone less than he was. That the idea of Tony doing things for pity meant that Tony was one of those people who doesn't really care about the others, which Stephen knew it was not true. Absolutely not. Tony was kind, Tony cared. Tony showed him in a week all the happiness he hadn't felt in almost a decade. The man in front of him, the actor, the talented Tony spending his time with him because he wanted, not for pity, but because Tony was good, and because Tony actually wanted to spend time with him. And thinking of Tony as a good person, as someone who wanted to be there made him feel something, gave him this good feeling of being slightly, not totally, worthy of Tony's time.

“I’d love to fall in love with you.” Tony said, looking in Stephen's eyes, and his voice echoed in his head.

I’d love to fall in love with you. I’d love to fall in love with you. I’d love to fall in love with you. I’d love to fall in love with you. I’d love to fall in love with you. 

And there it was again. The feeling that Tony didn't know better. Why would he fall in love with Stephen? Stephen had absolutely nothing to offer. He didn't even know where to take Tony on dates, he didn't know what to do with Tony most of the time because he never had it. He never had a healthy relationship where both parties spend some quality time together. Stephen didn't even know how to be near Tony, so what would they do together, why would Tony fall in love with the least interesting person in Los Angeles? How could Tony, of all people, fall in love with him, who had nothing of interesting, completely awkward around him? Completely awkward when facing fame? Who couldn't even speak with people he never met? With Tony's fans? How?

“You don’t know what you’re saying.” Tony gave him a half smile.

There’s always this thin line between doing and not doing something, between acting on an impulse and not acting at all. You can think, you can try to measure the consequences, sure, but there’s something you’ll never be able to do. You’ll never, truly know, the consequences of your actions. You’ll never know what awaits you on the other side. There are a few consequences, and they might be the following:

1. You might scare them away for good
2. You might scare them for a while, or;
3. You might get a good response, a good reaction.

Tony thought a lot about the consequences of his actions in those few seconds, while he put the camera behind Stephen, holding the strap with his finger, so he wouldn’t hurt Stephen’s neck, his hand on Stephen’s chest.

Stephen’s heart was beating way faster than he thought it was healthy. He knew what was about to happen, but he didn’t think about the consequences. The only thing Stephen thought was that he would just let himself feel it, enjoy it even if it lasted a few seconds. 

“I always know what I’m saying.” Tony mumbled, his lips only one inch away from Stephen’s lips, and then he kissed him.

Chapter Text

They went back to the car in silence. Tony behind him, thinking about the reaction he had got, because Stephen had kissed him back.

They kissed, and kissed and kissed a bit more. They kissed so much that Tony’s finger holding the camera hurt, so he put the device over his own shoulder and kissed Stephen again. 

There were no consequences, not a care in the world while they were there. No one around could have made them feel bad about kissing. Not even the thought of some of Tony’s fans coming back and taking a picture of them. Nothing mattered.

Not even Rhodey, and especially not Dylan. Stephen was kissing someone because it was good, he was kissing someone because he wanted to. For the first time it didn’t feel like an obligation, he was doing it because he felt like it and it gave him this sensation down his stomach, this little twisting that made him want to kiss Tony more. 

He opened the door and watched Stephen sit next to him, on the passenger seat.

“Can I see it? Can I watch you act?” Tony nodded. He grabbed his phone and opened the first episode of the tv show, giving the cell phone to Stephen. They stayed in the car in silence, during the entire episode.

“That’s good. That’s pretty good. I mean, you’re no Clooney, but you’ll get there.” Tony smiled.

He watched as Stephen watched the second episode, and then the third, the man next to him watching him on the phone screen. It felt good.

“I couldn’t.” Tony admitted. Stephen paused the episode for a second. 

“What?”

“In your first month. Even if I knew, I couldn’t help you. We were traveling between shots. Nevada, Fresno, I couldn’t help you. I wasn’t there. I’m really sorry, Stephen. I did what I could. I sent Nat to check up on you a few times. She told me about South Africa and how she and Bucky were thinking about settling there in a few years so I searched for a house near Cape Town, and I knew that by buying the house she would sit with you inside your house to talk about changing the payment, I did what I could. I was worried about you that week she went there because I’d spent the entire weekend busy and I hadn’t seen you, so I just… I called her on the fourth, to see how you were. I never touched your trash, Stephen, it was just there, and maybe it would help me understand, it would help me know if you needed me, so yeah, I took one second to look inside the bin before throwing my own trash, but I never touched it, I didn't mean to overstep, I- I don't even know why I felt like trying to protect you, I just thought I should, I just thought... I thought... I've heard the way he talks to you and it makes me so angry, I don't understand, I just wanted to help. And when I saw the camera I just felt like I should buy you one so you'd know I was there, that I cared.”

“You changed your name.” Tony nodded. “Your Denny’s name.”

“I knew you would look me up, at least I thought you would, so I changed it. I considered every possibility when we went out, I did my best to keep you away from them as much as possible, because I knew what it would mean.”

“The name of your tv show, we’ve heard it before.” Tony nodded.

“The night we went to the movies, that first night the talk show was talking about it. The season will be back in September, so they’re talking about it everywhere.”

They stayed in silence during the fourth episode. He paused and turned his body to Tony. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m on episode four. Rhodey. You two… You two had something.” Tony nodded.

“How do you know?”

“He was talking about this relationship you guys had and he said these exact same words that Saturday in your living room.” Tony parked his car near the hotel and looked at him.

“It was improvised. I did it. My relationship with Bruce’s character… It feels the same way, it’s almost the same situation, except with Bruce’s character it worked, they like each other, while with Rhodey… I said it. We were shooting the scene and the similarities... ‘We’re a good team, we have this chemistry and we have all these good moments where we don’t need money, and things don’t have to be said for us to say them, but we’re going too fast, Charlie’.’’ Tony said, looking ahead. “He broke my heart, Stephen, with all the strength he had. We have nothing, and I don’t think we would, we’re too different, too equal, and he broke me and I stayed broken for far too long. That puts things into perspective, you know? I don’t feel the same way about him anymore, we’re just friends, we’re two people who grew up together, got lost along the way and tried to reconnect.” 

Stephen looked back to the cell phone, finishing the episode.

“Do you wanna see something?” Stephen nodded. He and Tony crossed the street, stopping in front of the Saroyan Theatre, across the street from the DoubleTree Hotel. He knocked.

“Can I help you?” A security guard appeared, looking at them slightly annoyed. 

“Is Skyla still working?” The man nodded. “Can you tell her Tony Stark is looking for her, please?”

The man disappeared, coming back a minute later with a woman with red hair wearing a black and white suit.

“WOW! My favorite movie star!” She hugged him. “How are you?”

“I'm alright. I was near here, and I was thinking maybe we could show my friend the place.” The woman looked at Stephen, next to him. “This is Stephen.”

“Hi, I’m Skyla. His biggest fan.” She smiled. She let them in. 

“How’s Pepper?”

“Oh, she’s great. I met some fans earlier, maybe you two should talk about bringing the next season to town.” 

“I’ll talk to Stephanie. Just tell me when.” Tony nodded. The woman guided them inside.

“So, we shot part of the second season here, so the deal was that we could use the place and the premiere would be here.” Tony said. Stephen looked around.

“Three thousand people came to see them, they watched episode one with the actors, we had some food. They were outside, part of them were inside, it was crazy. We had some trouble putting his family inside.” Skyla said. Stephen chuckled, impressed. He stood near the seats, watching Tony run to the stage. 

Skyla left, clearly that was the end of her tour. She moved her head to Tony and closed the door behind her, leaving them alone.

“How do I look?” He opened his arms, looking at Stephen with admiration. 

“Important.” Tony smiled. A sincere smile, because that word really hit him. He sat on the edge, his feet swinging, looking at Stephen almost unable to blink, as he was the fan and Stephen was the actor. It was impressive the meaning of that moment for Tony, seeing Stephen there, standing, their eyes locked, as if looking away was too painful. Tony's head was working a million miles an hour, this tickling inside his arms like he could feel the feelings running through his veins. There he was, falling in love with Stephen Strange, eager to leave the stage and kiss him more. He wondered if at some point he would improvise a scene talking about Stephen, because Rhodey didn’t deserve his part, but Stephen deserved everything. He wondered if he would have Stephen watching his next movie at a premiere with him, if he would tell him how nervous he was before every premiere, before every first episode, because he felt like he could open up to him, like he could be himself, regardless of their time together or the unimaginable amount of knowledge they would keep about each other. He would always be, to Tony, the most complex, pretty and kind person Tony could ever meet, and as he stayed there, his feet swinging around, a half smile on Stephen's face, he realized that being with him would be a thousand times better than any experiece he had.

(...)

Stephen slept with his back to Tony, four feet away from him, half of their beds empty, both of them wondering how it would feel like to have one double bed completely ocupied and the other one completely empty. Tony wondered how the sensation of their legs intertwined under the blankets would be. Stephen wondered if he would sleep better if he were being held by someone, if he would fall asleep easily with Tony's fingers touching him. Every sensation was new, every question felt new to him. After the kisses he felt like he had never kissed before Tony, because there was no shame in kissing, no fear, no pressure. The desire for the touch felt like he had never been touched before, of Tony's hands slowly drawing circles in his hand as they cuddled in bed, Tony's breathing on his neck, Tony's smell filling the room, Tony's body next to his, closer, as close as it could be, he imagined waking up and not wanting to leave the bed, of giving up Yosemite and just staying there with him for hours and hours. Everything felt new and that night Stephen wanted it. 

It took Stephen a long time to sleep, because a few things were constantly in his mind: the kiss, the fact that people could be talking about him, and Tony’s voice.

I would easily fall in love with you, I mean, god forbid I might already be.

Stephen grew up with people telling him what they thought, not considering his feelings. He had heard a lot in that life. He had lived a lot, and he was used to that giant bubble around him that always made him care about what other people thought about him, so what those three girls were thinking, mattered.

He didn’t believe the idea that what people thought about you didn’t matter, and that the others didn't care about what other people thought about them. He knew, deep down, that even if the person left their house telling themselves that they didn't care about what other people think, deep down, it was more than just them, that maybe they were worried about what other people thought. Stephen knew that. He was that person. He could try to convince himself that he didn’t care, but he did. He always did. 

And there were the kisses. Oh, the kisses. What was he doing? What was he thinking? He wasn’t that person. He wasn’t the type of person who would simply ignore the fact that he had a boyfriend and just kiss someone else. That was definitely not him. But he wanted. God, how he wanted it! He almost got up, he almost left his bed and climbed Tony's bed just to be near him. He fought the urge of throwing all his principles in the trash just to sleep with Tony's body next to him. Honestly, who cared? 

He did. He cared. He cared because he wondered what Tony would think. What that would mean to him, what the idea of being with Tony while he had a boyfriend would mean in a possible future together.

He knew what he had to do. He had made the decision between leaving back to Santa Monica, or going on with the trip, he just had to wait the next day, so he could talk to Tony.

Chapter Text

Stephen woke up to an empty room. The bed next to his was empty, the curtains were closed. He took a shower, got dressed and packed his bag.

In the middle of the empty room he closed his eyes thinking about the things he would say. He had planned everything in the shower, mumbling to himself the words he hoped he'd say to Tony. 

He left the room and went downstairs, trying to not locate Tony on his way to the elevator. 

“Good morning.”

“Morning.” He let the silence for a second. “Tony…” but he was interrupted. 

“Stephen, look…”

“No, please let me talk.” Tony nodded. “I’m not overreacting. I’m not trying to play the victim here, because I need… I need to trust you. I need to, finally, trust someone, I really do, because Victor was the closest I had from a friend for years, and I opened up to you, I let you and your friends in and I let you make me feel good after a long time, so I need to trust you and you didn’t give me that.”

Stephen shut up when a waiter got closer.

“May I help you gentlemen with something?” Tony didn’t want to have breakfast. He wanted to keep listening to Stephen destroy him, without the sound of forks and knives, without the pauses they would make to chew or drink. He wanted Stephen to end things as fast as possible so he could go home, pack his bags and find another place to live, so he wouldn’t have to meet Stephen on the side entrance.

“We’re good, thank you.” The man left them alone. 

“I wouldn’t have spoken to you, Tony, if I knew who you were. I really wouldn’t. You’re around, people recognize you, your face is everywhere, and that’s good for you, sure, but not for me. I can’t give myself the luxury of risking things with Dylan.”

“I can protect you, Stephen. Just tell me you’re willing to get into my life and I’ll protect you.”

“You can’t. You think you can, but I slept thinking about it and you can’t. There’s nothing you can do.”

“You don’t know that.” Stephen smiled. He knew.

“I know, Tony. I know what he’s capable of when it comes to being in control. I live with him, we’ve been together since high school. You were good to me, you were, but you can’t protect yourself, and you can’t protect me all the time. I saw my best friend almost die in his hands, Tony, just because he thought I was cheating on him, I can’t see him doing that again.”

“Please, Stephen. Believe me. Don’t give up on this.”

“It’s not worth the price. Not for me, but for you. It’s an unnecessary risk.”

“What if I want it?”

“It’s not my problem. It’s a two-way street, you need both sides wanting it, or it won’t work.” Tony nodded. He wanted a new friend. You never know you want a new friend until you find one, and Stepehen… Tony really wanted that friendship. Or whatever that was. 

Stephen got up, and Tony watched him find the counter and get what he would eat for breakfast.

“You should eat. It will be a long day.” Tony opened his mouth, feeling kinda bad. He really needed, but he really wanted to go home to end things as fast as possible. He didn’t wanna lose time with breakfast, but Stephen was already there and he knew he couldn’t leave the table while Stephen was still eating, so he just accepted.

He got up and went to the counter to grab his own food. Stephen was waiting for him when he got back, his food untouched. He thought about all the flaws he couldn’t find in Stephen. The only one he had found so far was the lack of self confidence. 

Even his breakfast seemed perfect and Tony found it slightly annoying. He didn’t know if it was on purpose, if Stephen was doing that to impress, because that seemed a bad sign. If Tony was leaving Ocean Park Boulevard, falling in love with Stephen was a terrible, terrible idea, or a great idea, if you think about how his feelings would go away if he stopped seeing Stephen.

(...)

“Can I drive?” Tony nodded. He didn’t want to have nothing to do, but if Stephen wanted to drive then why not? “Thank you.”

They left the hotel and Tony looked at him. He connected his cell phone on the radio and put the Seafret song to play.

“That’s the theme song.” Stephen nodded.

“I downloaded it last night. The soundtrack is pretty good.” Tony smiled.

“Thank you.” 

They stayed in silence for a second.

“What are you doing? You missed the entrance.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Of course you did, you were supposed to have turned right."

"Tony, Yosemite is that way." It took Tony a minute. His brain was so focused on going home, packing and leaving that he completely forgot where they were going. 

"But you said…" Stephen nodded. He found a place to park the car, making sure they were safe.

"I meant every word. I need to trust you, Tony, I need to know we're… I'm giving you one chance, but you need to know something, and this is important, so please pay attention. I’ve spent the last ten years of my life with Dylan, and he might not know me, but I know him, I do, and I need to tell you this. Whatever that kiss meant, whatever this is, I need you to know that if I ever feel like you’re in danger, in any way, I’m out, do you understand me?”

“Stephen…”

“I need you to promise me, Tony, because if I  ignore the risks and something happen I won’t forgive myself, and I can’t give myself that luxury.” Stephen looked to the road. “I can’t watch him destroy another good person in my life, so I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe, and you need to understand that. When senior year ended he hit me for the first time, and I was so scared of going back home that I went to a friend’s house, and he found me there and if it weren't for my friend’s father, I- I don’t know what could have happened, Tony, and there are no fathers around this time, so I can’t let that happen again. I- I-” 

“Hey. I understand.” Tony held his hand. “I get it.”

“Okay. Also… I meant what I said, and I feel, for some reason, that I can trust you, so this trip is your chance.” Tony nodded. Stephen turned the key and started driving again.

Tony had his eyes on his cell phone as Stephen drove. The playlist of the first season had already ended. 

“They like you.” Stephen frowned, confused. “And yes, they are talking about you.”

“How do you know?”

“You’re everywhere on twitter. People are asking about you like crazy. And I also searched Tony and unknown on Twitter. Hear this out.”

“A girl named Alex, probably one of the girls from yesterday said “He was with someone” so Emily asked “someone as in a cast mate?” and Alex said “No, someone I’ve never seen before” Emily again “Do you have a name?” and Alex said “He didn’t introduce him to us, but they’re traveling together” and Emily said “they’re together? What? How was he like?” and Alex again “He was gorgeous, and if he’s just a straight friend I want him.” Tony smiled.

“I’m gonna like one of the tweets”

“Don’t do it!” Tony smiled, thinking about which he would like. “Tony.”

“What? Check this out. A girl just joined a conversation, Lea “They were together , there were hands and everything and the guy seemed really uncomfortable for being disturbed.” and Alex said “He didn’t say a single word” and Emily again “God, Tony has a boyfriend exclamation point exclamation point exclamation point exclamation point…”

“I got it. Lots of exclamation points” They smiled. 

“They have nothing on you. There are a lot of people freaking out and saying they’re lying to get attention. I think I’ll like the boyfriend tweet.”

“DON’T LIKE THE BOYFRIEND TWEET” Stephen said, almost laughing. “You’re gonna set the world on fire.”

“Just ours.” Tony looked at him, hiding his smile. “Look, they have nothing on you, you don’t have to worry about it, okay? They won’t find anything without a picture or a name.” Stephen nodded. 

Tony opened twitter again, liking a tweet or two on his timeline and sending a reply to a couple of fans.

“@TonyStark: I hope you guys have a week as amazing as mine.”

“@TonyStark: I’ll be away the next few days to take some time to myself. See you soon! :)”

“@TonyStark: You’re all amazing, don’t you ever forget that. I love you!” 

“@PumpTony: @TonyStark: are you really leaving?”

“@TonyStark: @PumpTony just taking some time to enjoy what I have with me, I’ll be back as soon as HE gets boring.” 

He saw a few tweets about Stephen, but he didn’t reply to them. He put a new playlist to play on the radio, with his own phone.

“That’s a new one. The producers texted us the link two days ago.”

“It’s for the new season? Oh. My. God.” Tony laughed. They listened to the first five songs.

“That's so good, oh wow.”

They stayed in silence for a second. Stephen put his right hand between them, one hand on the wheel, the other waiting for Tony's hand, and Tony held it. 

Inside Stephen that was the representation of everything he hated the most in life. He felt like a hypocrite, because at first he really suffered every time Dylan cheated on him, and now he was there, letting himself go. It was what Stephen thought he needed. It was the strength he thought he needed. Having Tony, so he could break up with Dylan.

Chapter Text

See, when I found you
All the doors were locked
Know I was aiming to turn that round
Take the weight off you
Push away the rocks
'Cause they will only slow you down

I'll find a space in your heart
And maybe I could come with you
I could be more than a lover
More than a lover to you

Down in this heart of mine
Love's working overtime
I'm bound to fall
For you, I'd lose it all
Don't you know
Let's take it slow

(Overtime - Seafret)

Stephen parked the car and got out. He met Tony behind the vehicle, and Tony opened the trunk, grabbing a box with the things they would need. Stephen got the tent that he had brought. They organized everything in the right place.

They had found this empty clearing a few meters away from the main road. It was a good place to talk, calm, quiet, and there was a waterfall not far from there. Tony looked at him, Stephen’s body against the car, his eyes closed, breathing the fresh air for a second.

“Hey.” Tony stood in front of him. “What’s wrong?”

Stephen took a deep breath. Tony’s hand held his waist.

“I have a boyfriend.” Tony closed his eyes. “I- I…”

Stephen couldn’t think straight. He wanted to know what he and Tony would have. Was that a friendship? Would that become a relationship? Were they having fun? What was that? Stephen was scared of saying something, of asking and ruining things, or making things awkward, but he needed to know. He needed because depending on what Tony would say to him he would NEVER allow himself to get involved. There was something inside him that made him think about having fun, falling in love and watching Tony leave him for someone else. His heart couldn’t afford that. 

“What are we doing, Tony? I can’t cheat on him.” 

“We’re knowing each other. We’re seeing where this goes.”

“What happens if it works? What will you think of me? That I’m gonna do the same thing I’m doing with him?”

“I wouldn’t give you reasons for that.”

“That’s not how this works.” He took Tony’s hand away from his waist. “We need to take things slowly.”

“Do you wanna break up with him first?” Stephen took a deep breath.

“I don’t know what I want, to be honest, I wanna be here and I totally wanna see where this goes, but I can’t stop thinking about what you would say, what you’d think if this works.”

“Listen, I know it’s not how it works, I know you’re conflicted because you’re loyal, but I like you and I know you’ve been through a lot, I also know you’re the most amazing person I’ve met and that you need reassurance, that you need reasons to leave him, I know you need my word, so I promise you, whatever happens between the moment we left Ocean Park to the moment you break up with him, I promise I won’t hold it against you. Never.” Tony touched his face. “You deserve to be happy, Stephen, way more than I deserve to be right and way beyond that. You deserve it way more than he does, and way more than your loyalty to him, so I will never, no matter what happens between us, never use it against you.”

“Still, my head won’t let me forget it.”

“Stephen, regardless of you being with Dylan or not, I want you to know that I see something in you and that I wanna know you and after that I wanna be with you. What do you mean by ‘slowly’?”

“No touching.” Tony nodded. “Nothing but… Kisses?” Tony smiled.

“I can work with that.”

They set up camp and looked at each other. What would they do now?

Stephen got the camera and his backpack and Tony got a map of the reserve that they had bought at the gas station before getting there.

“We’re somewhere here.” Stephen looked at him, smiling. “What?”

“How are you so sure?”

“I pay attention to things. So, we can walk about twenty minutes east to get to the waterfall, or we can walk thirty-five minutes north to the cliff and about thirty minutes east of that to climb it.” Stephen kept his eyes on him, a smile on his face.

“And the numbers come with paying attention?”

“Well, a number I can say for sure is the number of people sleeping outside the tent if they keep making fun of me.” Stephen smiled, giving him a peck on the lips.

“We can go to the waterfall today and drive to the cliff tomorrow and go up on foot.” Tony nodded. “And then what?”

“We can take the road to the coast when we get tired of this place, then we spend Saturday, Sunday and Monday driving through Highway one, if you want.” 

“Sounds good.” 

(...)

They were in the tent, one in front of the other. Tony’s legs over Stephen’s thighs, around his waist, Stephen’s hands on Tony’s thighs, Tony sitting between his legs. 

“Why are you still with him?” Wow, Tony, subtle. 

“It’s not that simple. There’s a lot of control involved, a lot of fear in whatever that is.” Tony touched his face.

“I meant what I said about you coming with me, Stephen. We can still take things slow, you know? Really know each other before we share a room, you could come with me.”

“What do you mean with ‘come’? Where are you going?”

“There’s a movie, hm, we start shooting in October, in London.” Stephen stayed in silence. He took Tony’s hand from his face and put his own arms away from Tony.

“Stop doing this, Steph. Don’t pull me away when you want me closer, I wanna take you with me.”

“It’s not that simple.” 

“You keep saying that, just do it. Why not? You’ll go to work, you can do what you like, we can stay together…”

“Listen to me, you’re not listening. I am scared, Tony. I am, I am scared every day. I live in fear, you know? Being here with you… God, I wanna stay here forever, but I don’t know who you want me to be.”

“We can do this together.”

“You promised me, you said you understood.” Tony nodded. “You can’t win if you fight him. There’s no chance.” Tony nodded. “Thank you. I just need to make sure that what I can do, I’m doing. I need to know it’s enough.”

Chapter Text

The walk to the waterfall seemed scarier than Stephen thought. He had only the flashlight of his cell phone, and the sounds… The sounds… He wondered for a second what would happen if he disappeared there. From his experience watching tv shows his best odd was in the first 48 hours, and then it was up to fate. Would Tony look for him? Would Dylan find out? He clearly couldn’t disappear there. Not because of him, but because Dylan would know he and Tony were together in Yosemite, camping, alone, and Dylan wouldn’t have him as a punching bag, so he’d use Tony instead. No. Disappearing there wasn’t an option. He promised himself that he would keep Tony safe. 

It took him more than twenty minutes. Every single leaf, every tree and stick around him covered in darkness. Not even the moon had shown up that night, and the lack of light made him feel alone. There was always something that made him feel alone. The fact that he had Tony sleeping next to him but he decided to get up at two am and walk alone in the middle of a park to a waterfall made him feel alone. He wasn’t planning on doing it, he accidentally did. He woke up and the sound of Tony’s breathing made him smile, and the lack of light, there, inside the tent made him feel safe, because Tony was there, and that was enough, but he still chose to get up and walk to the waterfall. There was something he had been meaning to do, something he couldn’t do at home, but now it felt like a good moment for it. He had questions, and before that June, his questions were always answered by someone. By him. 

He sat on the rock, the sound of the water falling, and the moon appeared from behind the clouds only for a second and disappeared again.

“Hey little brother.” he said to the night, to nothing specific. “Can you hear me? Where are you? Are you back on Earth? Are you somewhere in the void? Are you in heaven? Are you a dog now? Oh, I hope you’re a tibetan terrier, please.” Stephen chuckled. “I miss you. I miss you so much every day. I feel like life is a simulation since you were gone. You're the only person I thought I could never live without. I don’t blame you, and I really, really hope you’re in a better place. I will be okay, Victor. I know I’ve said that too many times, but I feel like I will.” 

He stopped himself, looking up. He was sure that the view there would be breathtaking if it wasn’t cloudy. The moon was gone, and again he was left to only the light of the flashlight. 

“I could really, really use some advice right now. I’ve been thinking in the past couple of days and I honestly don’t know how I survived so many years. How did I? You need to tell me, from your out-of-this-world perspective, because I don’t know. I’m okay now, I’m… I’m happy? I mean, I don’t even know how to call it, but there’s something good in me now, some… Hope. Some warmth. I met someone. He’s an actor and I feel like you’ve probably watched him, he’s lead in one of those post-apocalyptic shows you used to watch, so maybe you’ve seen him before me, who knows? And he is probably the most perfect human on Earth. Can you believe he likes me? Me of all people. I mean, he sees something in me, little brother. You two would be great friends, can you imagine the two people who actually see something in me together? I think about it and I imagine him being good to you too, and it makes me feel full, but it also breaks me, and I’m so scared I’ll ruin everything, because I don’t know if he likes me this much, if he likes me enough to stick around despite all the crap around me. And I don’t know  how to be brave enough to break up with Dylan so I can be with him. I don’t even know if I want to keep this whole thing with Tony, because I don’t know if I’ll have the courage to do it, I spent nine years getting humiliated and beaten and I’m still not brave enough. What do you think?” 

He stayed in silence, waiting for a sound, for a “hoo-hoooo” from an owl, or the howling of a wolf in the distance, but he got nothing. 

“I think that if you were here you’d take an airplane and break up with him yourself, but you’re not, so you need to tell me, you need to help me, because I don’t know if it’s worthy.  I don’t know if Tony likes me enough for that, I mean, we barely know each other, how can he? I don’t even know if I’m good enough for him, if I’m… I have so many questions, so much doubt, and I know you’d tell me, wouldn’t you? To toughen up and just go for it, but you’re not, so you can’t blame me for being insecure, because I don’t have you, and I don’t blame you, but you’re not here to tell me.” 

Stephen stopped talking again. He contemplated the silence. His eyes closed. 

“I just wanna know if it’s worthy.” He whispered. He opened his eyes again, and maybe it was a sign, maybe it was just nature following its course, but the moon came out again and for the next few minutes the skies were a little more visible than before. Stephen looked at the stars, to the moon brightening the waterfall, lighting the leaves, the rocks, himself, and it could have been only nature, only our galaxy working as it has been working for billions of years, but that night, that night in particular the idea of the moon appearing like that felt like Victor’s answer, and for a moment Stephen felt embraced, he felt like something inside him had turned and as he stared at the moon the loneliness inside him was gone. 

Stephen would never know if it was his brain reading into something that wasn’t true, but hope held on to that moment, to the light of the moon around him, making his flashlight almost useless, and the stars appearing in a cloudy night, and he accepted that as a sign, as Victor telling him it was worthy, as Victor telling him he was there, even if Stephen weren’t even sure if his brother was somewhere in the void, or in heaven, or on Earth as a tibetan terrier, he just kept that light inside of him. Maybe it wasn’t Victor, maybe it was the universe, maybe it was anything but that, it didn’t matter. Hope is a dangerous thing, it holds onto things that seem trivial, but Stephen didn''t care and wouldn’t let go of it. 

Putting his faith in Tony was something he had to do, after all. That was the sign, wasn't it?

He smiled, hugging his knees and looked up. The moon was still there. 

Back in the tent Tony was awake. 

“God, I looked for you everywhere.” Stephen crawled to his side of the sleeping bag. “Stephen?” But Stephen didn’t say a single word. “Do you want to talk?”

“No. Can I hold you?”

“Of course. You don’t need to ask.” He moved to Tony’s side, putting one arm around him. The other one he used to support his body as he leaned over Tony’s face and kissed him. 

Chapter Text

“@TonyStark: what if we run away?”

Tony put his cell phone under the sleeping bag again. The battery was dying and he thought about the chargers he had bought with Rhodey that day on the fourth of July. 

He got up carefully, letting Stephen sleep.

He had woken up with this weird feeling in his chest, like an anguish, like something was wrong, and he knew what that was.

If he could be anywhere in the world, with anyone else he still would be there, and that was bad.

After going to sleep with the promise that he wouldn’t do anything about Dylan, and after listening to what Dylan did with Stephen’s friends in high school he was sure of one thing.

Stephen wouldn’t break up the relationship. He wouldn’t be the one to end things, and Stephen was scared for the two of them. He knew he wouldn’t do anything, that he couldn’t get involved, because he had promised, and Stephen would take the promise as the most important thing in their lives. 

It was bittersweet. Having Stephen like that, but not having him entirely. Tony would have him during that time, but he was sure that in two weeks from there he wouldn’t.

It was the best and the worst of both worlds. It was agonizing, it was good, it was dangerous and pure at the same time, and it was making him lose his mind.

No one could help them. What would someone do? Tony would get a third person involved? He would put one of his friends to fight a battle that was meant to be his?

He went back to the tent, finding Stephen sleeping on his stomach, his left arm under the pillow, his right arm next to his body. 

Tony lay next to him, putting his head under Stephen’s arms, lying on his side. His face got closed to Stephen’s and Stephen moved his arm, involving Tony with it. 

“Thank you.” Tony whispered. Stephen nodded, his eyes still closed, half smiling.

Tony kissed his lips, then his cheeks, his chin and Stephen’s neck.

“Tony, stop” Stephen mumbled. The younger one ignored him. He kissed Stephen’s lips again. Stephen took a deep breath and threw his legs over Tony’s waist, staying on top of him, pressing his arms on the sleeping back.

“I asked you to please stop. I know what you’re doing.” Tony kept his eyes on him. He moved his waist, trying to get a bit more comfortable and ignored Stephen’s hands holding his arms down. He moved his torso up, kissing Stephen again. 

Stephen leaned his body, trying to bring Tony back to the sleeping bag and he sat again.

“I asked you to stop.” 

“What difference would it make?” Tony asked.

“I can’t. I don’t wanna do this and regret it later." Tony moved his body, pushing Stephen away from him. “Tony, come on.”

Tony left the tent. Stephen followed him.

“Stop!” Stephen asked, and watched Tony turn around to face him.

“Why? Because this is bigger than you?”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because it will be my fault, you know? We will be together, and then we won’t, because I always want what I can’t have. And you'll move on with him and I'll stay there thinking that we could have had more, that I could have showed you... That maybe if I had done more, maybe you'd choose me."

“What happened to taking things slowly?”

“What difference does it make? I feel like we’ll go so slow we’ll stop, won’t we?” Stephen didn’t answer. He watched Tony disappear among the trees.

(...)

Tony was sitting on a rock, looking at the waterfall. Stephen kneeled behind him, his hands on Tony’s arms, his lips kissing his shoulder.

Tony put his hand over Stephen’s and closed his eyes. Stephen sat behind him, one leg on the right side of Tony’s body, the left leg behind him.

“I’m sorry.” Tony said, Stephen’s lips still on his shoulder. Stephen didn’t want to take them out of there.

“It’s gonna be like this, won’t it?” Stephen whispered. He felt like if they built a relationship that they would have a few arguments on their way. “I’m sorry too.”

“I was childish. If you want to take things slow… Take your time, Stephen, just don’t forget me. I’ll be waiting for you.” Stephen nodded.

“You know…” Stephen put his chin on his shoulder. “He cheats on me. All the time.” Tony pulled his arm, so Stephen could hug him.

“How do you know that?”  Stephen put his other leg around him, and now Tony was between his legs. Tony put his head on his chest.

“There is this bar, the Golden Gopher, we used to go there when we got to LA. One of the guys who work with me work there at night.”

“Does he tell you that?”

“Dylan and I… We don’t have a relationship. We don’t have a normal life, we don’t have a peace zone, you know? We are always fighting, he spends some days away and when he’s back we fight again. I know when he cheats on me, because Gabriel looks at me with this pity eye when I arrive at the agency the next day. I always know that Dylan was there at the Golden Gopher and he left the place with someone else, because he looks at me with this look… He never tells me, he doesn’t have to. I think we’re both too ashamed to say something, so it’s just implied.

“I’m sorry, Steph.” 

“It's okay.” Stephen hugged his waist. He kissed Tony’s face. “I don’t wanna be him. I don’t wanna be this monster who…” Stephen kissed his shoulder again. “I wanna do this the right way, Tony, I wanna build this the right way at least once. I wanna build this right thing away from all the darkness in my life, but I need your help.” Tony nodded. He put his arm in Stephen’s neck. Stephen closed his eyes.

“I can do that. I can make things good for you. I promise.” Stephen nodded.

"You don't have to convince me to choose you, did you know that? I'd choose you a million times." He kissed Tony's shoulder again. "I was here late last night. I sat on this very rock and I wondered if all of this will last, if you'll stick around and if we'll build a relationship together."

"And your conclusion?"

"I'm still here, aren't I?" Tony smiled. He closed his eyes. The thing about Tony is that he always falls. And he falls fast. And his imagination go to places impossible to come back from and he tries to protect himself from that. As he had done since Rhodey, and something in the way Stephen said his name, something in the way Stephen hugged him, kissed him, as if Tony was the last man on Earth, something about how closeness was never close enough made him fall. Fast. Hard. And there he was, daydreaming about a future. 

The thing about Stephen was that he had never felt like that. He had never had a feeling like that. He had never been touched, hugged, kissed like the other person meant it. Not even in the beginning with Dylan things felt the way it felt with Tony, because in the beginning there was the fear of being caught by his parents, by their classmates, there was the humiliation Dylan put him through to hide what they had together to the rest of the world. Now that? That was what he had never had felt before. Happiness like no other, heartbeats so intense that he felt like passing out most of the time, even Tony's body felt warmer than Dylan's because Stephen wanted to be there, Stephen was open, Stephen was feeling good, and by feeling good he would put everything he had in showing Tony he wanted to be there, he would kiss him like he never had before, he would hug him afraid that Tony left, and they would simply feed each others feelings.

Stephen would treat him like the last man on Earth, and Tony would fall for it and would try to show him Stephen was all he wanted, which would make Stephen treat him like the last man on Earth and that, for a second, seemed dangerous, reckless, because in the outside, in the world, away from the woods, away from the perfect fairy tale they were living in that trip there were fans, there was Dylan, there was fear, there was doubt. There was time to know each other, truly, each others fears, each others flaws and thoughts and falling so fast and so hard was like closing their eyes to everything. 

Chapter Text

On Sunday morning, Tony went down to the car, in the hotel they had spent the night, in Morro Bay, to pick up the bag he had forgotten. When he went back to the bedroom the noise was coming from the bathroom.

Stephen was taking a shower, his voice singing what he had learned from the theme song of the tv show those few days.

Tony thought his trip couldn’t get better until that moment. Stephen’s voice was amazing and he seemed like he was having a good time.

Tony closed his eyes, a smile on his face, standing in the middle of the room.

Stephen left the shower a couple minutes later. Shirtless, carrying his cell phone and a toiletry bag in his hands.

“Good morning.” Tony leaned his head to the right, and closed one eye.

“I just heard you sing, I’ll have to think twice about that.” 

“Fuck you.” Stephen said, a half smile. 

“If you want.” Stephen opened and closed his mouth a few times, unsure of what to say. “I’m sorry.” Tony realized he had crossed a line. Stephen smiled.

He put his things on the nightstand and got closer. He put one hand on Tony’s neck, the other one on his waist and kissed him.

Stephen’s body was warm and wet from the shower. That was the first thing he thought. Tony put his cold hands on Stephen’s waist, pulling him closer.  Stephen sat on the bed, bringing him to his lap, his legs around his body. Stephen moved his hand up, Tony's t-shirt going up as Stephen's hand got closer and closer to his neck. Tony pulled his body away.

“We have to go.” Stephen’s mind seemed to go back to reality. He nodded, his eyes closed. Tony knew that nothing would stop Stephen from regretting that if they didn’t stop. Tony had promised.

Stephen kept his hands around Tony’s body, holding him a little bit stronger, his eyes still closed, feeling Tony’s breath so close to his face.

“I don’t think the wait is worth it.” Stephen whispered. Tony smiled, his eyes also closed. He opened them and put his hand on Stephen’s face.

Stephen opened his eyes, finding Tony’s brown eyes looking at him. Tony smiled.

“Then you’re not paying attention.” Tony whispered. He gave Stephen a kiss. “I’ll take a shower. Make sure you won’t forget your flip flops this time.” Stephen nodded, his heart racing. 

Stephen had forgotten his flip flops in the hotel they had stayed in San Jose, the day before, so they had to stop to buy a new one.

Tony didn’t wanna leave, but he gave Stephen a last kiss and got up, taking the bag he got in the car with him.

(...)

Stephen had discovered a new love. Seafret. He kept listening to Monster, singing what he knew, and every time he listened he seemed to sing a little more. 

Tony turned off the radio.

“HEY!” He smiled.

“So, what’s next? You’re putting a poster with my face in your room?”

“Oh, god, no, but hopefully I will put a picture of you on my lockscreen, some day.” Tony smiled, looking at him for a second.

“Yeah, I think I’d like that.”

“Well, then, we have a deal.” Tony nodded. He parked his car a few minutes later in Pismo Beach. They had spent part of the morning taking pictures in Morro Bay, then they took the Cabrillo Highway to the city.

Tony drove down Cabrillo Highway for a while and stopped at a viewpoint by the ocean. 

“Come. There’s a place you need to see.” Stephen reached for the camera. “We need to leave this one in our memory.” Stephen nodded. He followed Tony outside. He walked half a mile along a white fence and jumped it. It was the perfect time of day to do that.

“That’s the worst idea ever.” Stephen complained, as he looked at the steep trail in front of him. 

“Be careful.”

“Oh don’t say it!” Tony laughed. He went first, as slow as he could, to make sure he wouldn’t fall. The two of them got to the sand and kept walking. Stephen’s feet touched the water when they tried to walk around a rock. The water wet his feet.

“Oh, we’re not gonna live to see another day, will we?” He joked.

“Do you wanna go back?” Stephen looked over his shoulder. He had no idea how they would go back. The trail seemed too steep for them to go through there. 

“We could be arrested, couldn’t we? There was a fence, why did we come here?” Tony chuckled, shaking his head. He gave his hand to Stephen to hold.

“You’re insane.” Tony let go of his hand for a second and climbed another rock, jumping to the other side. Stephen did the same. When he jumped to the sand his jaw dropped.

“You’re kidding me!” Tony smiled. “You… wow.” 

“Come.” Stephen followed him to the place. There was a viewpoint by the ocean, the waves hitting the rocks. In the viewpoint a spiral staircase to nowhere was standing there, lonely.*****

At some point in the past that staircase was connected to the cliff by a ramp, so people could walk down the ramp, down the staircase and get to the beach, but with time the ramp fell, and only the stair survived. 

Tony used the rocks to get to the viewpoint, and they went up the stairs, sitting on the last step. 

“How do you find these places?” Tony shrugged.

“I came here with Carol and the rest of our group last year. We drove from LA to San Francisco, so we met some people, visited some places, and the places those people knew.

“Was Rhodey here?” Tony shook his head, denying. He smiled and looked away, to the horizon.

“Look at me.” Stephen did what he asked. Tony kissed him. “Keep this image with you.”

Stephen nodded. He hugged Tony’s body, and put his head on his shoulder. A couple of hours later the sun was setting. 

Stephen looked at him, taking Tony’s phone from his hand. He kissed him, taking a picture.

“Now you have your lock screen.” Tony rolled his eyes looking at the picture. The orange sun setting in the horizon, their silhouettes kissing, you could barely recognize them. 

“You’re so cheesy. I like it. Let’s go. Let’s eat something.” Tony made a phone call.

“Hey, pretty” The person on the other side rolled their eyes. 

“Wow, you need my help.” 

“I’m at our place.” They smiled.

“Of course you are. I’ll be there in ten minutes.” She hung up.

“Help is on its way.”   Tony looked at the sun again. “Do you wanna go?”

“Not really.” Stephen put his lips on his head, kissing him. He watched as Tony put the picture as his phone screen. He was amazed with the way Stephen made him feel. How everything seemed too important to not pay attention, how he thought he would never get tired of feeling that way. 

They kissed a little more, took a few other pictures and heard a whistle coming from the edge and someone waving for them.

They went down the stairs carefully and a rope ladder was thrown for them to climb it. She tied the ladder on the fence and watched as Tony climbed up first, and Stephen followed.

"That was probably the craziest thing I've done, and I'm pretty sure it's illegal." Stephen said when his feet touched the ground. "I loved it."

Tony smiled. He and the woman hugged each other.

"And you’re the boyfriend.” Stephen smiled. 

“Not yet. I’m Stephen.” He shook his hand. 

“I’m Maria. Not yet, interesting.” Tony rolled his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“We camped in Yosemite, went down the highway from San Jose and we’ll be back in Los Angeles tomorrow.”

“So you’re sleeping here?” They looked at each other and nodded. Stephen gave him his hand, and Tony intertwined their fingers. “Great! Let’s go out tonight, I have a lot to learn, don’t I?” Tony rolled his eyes. 

“We left the car at the viewpoint.”

“Get in. I’ll leave you there. You owe me one, so you’re paying tonight.” Tony smiled. He sat on the passenger seat, Stephen on the backseat and Maria started the car.

“How is she?” Stephen frowned.

“She’s fine. How are you?”

“Well, you know…” 

“Ma…”

“It’s fine.” Tony looked ahead.

“I came to Pismo with Scott, Hope, Carol and Chris last year. First night in Pismo we were having dinner at this restaurant, right? And Carol looks at me and she says she wants to try something different. I mean, she had just turned eighteen. I told her she wouldn’t drink, but she shakes her head and points to a woman, eight years older than her standing a few feet away from us. She and Chris left the table to talk and Chris comes back saying that Carol was gone.” Maria smiled. “I just lost my mind, I mean, I searched everywhere, but nothing. My mom was gonna kill me, I mean, I had lost my eighteen-year-old sister in California.” Stephen looked at him and smiled. “Chris knew everything. She already knew Maria. A cousin of hers had a friend that studied with her, or something.” Maria nodded.

“Yeah, so my best friend is Chris’s cousin, and we met once, and the reason you were at the restaurant was that she recommended.” Tony nodded.

“Wait. Carol?” Stephen was in awe. “The girl I met and you? Carol Stark and you? Oh, wow.”

“We spent a week beyond planned here and we would go to the stairs every afternoon to watch the sunset. Chris and I were third wheel to the two couples, so the four of us left Pismo Beach without Carol. She and Maria stayed together for a while while we were on our trip. Three weeks later we came back and…”

“And we broke up. She stayed with me for three weeks and then it was over.” Stephen looked at the woman behind the wheel. It didn’t seem right, in his mind, an eighteen-year-old and her together for three weeks. 

Stephen didn’t know what to say. Half of him believed that everything was wrong, but at the same time he felt like Maria had the best of the intentions. Looking from the backseat he felt like something inside Maria hurt and Stephen knew what it was. If Carol was half the person Tony was, then Maria had every reason to have something hurt inside her.

It was inevitable to not think that their time together was passing way too fast, and that in two weeks he would have his boyfriend back, and that he and Tony would… Stephen didn’t know what was waiting for them. He didn’t know if everything would hurt more inside of him than inside of Tony. 

***** so the staircase to nowhere doesn't exist anymore, but you know, that's an alternative universe anyway, so let's pretend it does.

Chapter Text

Tony and Stephen got in Tony's car. The radio was left untouched. Tony glanced at him and kept driving, both of them in silence.

“What?” Stephen shook his head. “Is it because of Carol?”

“I don’t know, Tony. There are years of experience between them.” 

"I didn't like it either, but what was I supposed to do? They're both adults, they were both doing what they wanted to do. I talked to Carol a few days later, she said she was happy, and when they broke up both of them were devastated, we didn't know what to do, how to help them. I keep thinking about what would happen if I put them in the same room again because I know they were good to each other regardless of their age, but there was nothing else I could have done, I think. Carol is the most independent woman I know, if I had done something to keep her from seeing Maria she would probably never talk to me again, so we just trusted her. She's my best friend, I'm her best friend, Steph, she said if there was something that she thought it was wrong happening she would tell me, she would leave." Stephen nodded, in silence.

They got a hotel room and found Maria outside The Boardroom. 

"We'll be there in a second." Maria nodded, getting in. Stephen leaned against the car and Tony stopped in front of him

"Are you really okay?" Stephen took a deep breath. He pulled Tony to himself and nodded.

"I'm sorry I'm okay with this okay?" Tony nodded. "I am." He patted Tony's waist. "Come on, I wanna see you drunk."

"You wish." Tony pulled him by the hand to the bar. They found Maria at a table. Stephen sat across from her, with Tony next to them. 

"I didn't know Tony Stark had an almost boyfriend."

"It's a long story." Maria smiled.

"So start from the beginning."

"Well." Stephen looked at her. "He started digging my trash."

Tony rolled his eyes, which made Stephen smile. Maria raised her eyebrows.

"I don't know how things are in Australia, Tony, but here in America we like to give people some privacy." Maria joked.

"It's not like that. He's my neighbor. We share the bin, his trash is just there when I throw mine."

"Sure." Stephen said, ironic. "He also lied about his ex and his profession." 

"Hey!" Tony protested. "Coming from the man who doesn't accept a compliment, doesn't wanna leave his job to come work with me in London, doesn't drink and only eats fast-food."

"In my defense you only know about what I eat because you pay attention to my trash. Also the way he makes it sound so simple to abbandon a job and simply move to London? What is this? How is it like to live in this alternative reality of yours?" 

"Okay, how long have you two been digging each other's trash?"

"About ten days." Tony said. Maria seemed shocked.

"And you're already traveling together?"

"What are you talking about? You lived with my sister for three weeks less than a week after you met her."

"Okay, fine. I'll allow that."

"By the way, have you found someone else?" Stephen tried to not look at him.

"He's also pretty good at asking the most inappropriate questions. He just throws them in the air. Those questions completely uncomfortable to answer ." 

"Yeah, he does that. Yes, Tony, I found someone. Not as young but definitely with less life experience than your sister, so it's not as amazing, you know? I loved your sister. She always had this thing where she would relate anything with a different culture, with an experience in a foreign country, someone country she had visited, something she had lived. Dani doesn't do that, but I like her a lot." 

Tony nodded. Under the table he felt Stephen's hand in his thigh, so he put his own hand over his. It was a simple gesture, innocent, even. Stephen wanted to make sure that Tony was actually there, that he was real, that he wouldn't find a Dani when he could have a Carol. Or a Tony. His almost boyfriend.

He hid his smile behind the mug, as he took a sip of his drink.

(...)

Tony paid the bill. That had been the deal, because Maria had picked them up at the stairs, and just like everything on that trip he didn't let Stephen pay.

They stopped on the empty sidewalk. Tony and Stephen next to each other and Maria in front of them.

Tony hugged her. 

"Take care. And stop paying attention to other people's trash, it's not healthy." Tony laughed.

"You too. We'll be back with more time and we can go on a double date with your new girl."

"I'll love that." Maria hugged Stephen. "Take care of him, okay? And lock your cabinets." Stephen smiled. "And please do come back."

"I will. Thank you for tonight." Maria gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked away, waving at them as she walked  backwards to her car. They waved back and she got in.

The drive back to the hotel was quiet.

Stephen had his body straightened, an arm around Tony's back, Tony's head on his chest, both hands on his own stomach, looking at the ceiling.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I just kept seeing myself at eighteen in a relationship with someone eight years older and… I just kept thinking how things shouldn't be. I'm sorry. I'm not mad at any of you, it just felt a bit strange."

"Yeah, it was weird for me as well. The next morning we met at the Caves Park and my sister arrived with her and I didn't know what to think."

"Why did they break up?"

"Well, We had this trip planned. We drove all the way to Seattle. I took us four weeks because we would stop along the way just to visit some places, and because we stayed here for a week. When we went back Carol had to go back to Australia, so they thought it would be better."

"Will you?"

"What?" Tony knew what he meant. His heart was beating fast. He hadn't thought about that.

"When are you leaving?" Tony shrugged. 

"Not soon, I promise." He turned his back, facing Stephen for a second. "I'm not going anywhere." 

Chapter Text

"You almost ran over the cat!" Stephen argued.

"Maybe you should drive the next time. I've been behind the wheel for five days now, it's not my fault if the…" Tony stopped himself. He looked at Stephen scared, and they put the bags on the floor in the hallway without making a single sound. Stephen looked at him and put his index finger on his lips, asking for Tony to be quiet. Tony nodded.

On Ocean Park Boulevard, Tony’s kitchen door was slightly open. His heart was beating way too fast. He was sure he had locked the door before they left, on Wednesday morning, and Stephen had checked both of their doors before getting in the car. 

“Do you wanna get in?” Stephen whispered. Did he? He didn’t know. He didn’t know if they should call the police or just get in. 

“I don’t know.” He mumbled. 

Stephen pointed to himself, circled his fingers in the air and signed a three and a zero to Tony. He nodded. Tony watched him circle the house counting to thirty. He pushed the door with his fingers carefully, trying not to make any noises. 

Tony got in the kitchen at the same time Stephen opened the living room door. Stephen laughed. 

“SCOTT!” Tony yelled. The man was sitting on his couch, legs crossed, a laptop on his lap. “What the fuck?”

“Livestream.” Tony frowned. 

“And don’t you have your own apartment?” 

“Well, Loki, Sam and Thor are there, and if I went to Hope’s she wouldn’t leave me alone, so here I am.”

“Where were…” Tony winked at him and moved his head, so Stephen would follow him to the kitchen.

“Have you met Tony’s new boyfriend?” Scott read out loud and winked at the camera.

In the kitchen Tony opened the fridge and got them two bottles of water. 

“Do you want something else?” Stephen shrugged. “That’s not an answer.”

“I’m okay. I was thinking…” Stephen was interrupted by Scott’s voice.

“TONY WHO’S YOUR BOYFRIEND?” Tony looked at Stephen and smiled.

“YOU ARE.” He yelled back. Scott raised his arms, looking at the camera. 

“I am.” He said. 

“You were thinking…”

“Can we leave the kitchen?” Tony smiled. He went to the hallway and got his bags, going to his room. Stephen followed. 

He sat on the bed, his back against the bed frame. Stephen sat in front of him, barefoot, his legs crossed. 

“Ugh, why are you so pretty?” Stephen rolled his eyes. “Now it’s the part where you kiss me.” 

Stephen smiled. He leaned on the bed, his body over Tony’s and kissed him. Tony pushed him away for a second when his phone rang in his pocket. 

“Of course you can take him away.” He said, as soon as he answered. Stephen got up, sitting on the bed. Tony sat too. 

“I don’t wanna talk to you. Where’s Stephen?” Tony looked at him and gave him the phone.

“It’s Hope.” 

“Hey!” He said.

“Hey. How are you? How was Yosemite?”

“Amazing. And I have an almost boyfriend.”

“Who’s your boyfriend?” Hope asked. 

“You are.” He answered. Tony smiled. 

“We need to go out for dinner. I wanna hear about Yosemite. I’ll text Tony the details.”

“Works for me. Bye Hope.” 

“Bye, boyfriend.” She hung up. Tony looked at him, smiling. 

“You were thinking about something.”

“I wanna call my sister, but I wanted you here.” Tony nodded. He watched Stephen take his phone of his pocket and make the phone call.

Donna picked up. Nobody said anything in the ten seconds that passed.

“Stephen?”

“Hi.” There was silence again. 

“Hey. How are you, Stephen?” Stephen looked at Tony, who got closer and put his hand on Stephen's leg. 

 “Yeah, I’m…” He thought he couldn’t do it. He thought he couldn’t speak. He looked at Tony, and for a brief moment the man smiled at him. “I’m going. You?”

“I’m trying, there’s no one around. At first he was around, and then he was not.” He kept his mouth shut. “How are you?”

“I’m not that alone.” Donna didn’t say anything. The silence lasted for another fifteen seconds. There was nothing else to say, nothing else to be asked, nothing in common that they could talk about. Then, during the silence, he thought about why he wanted to call in the first place. He wasn't so sure anymore. He just felt... He felt that it wasn't their fault. It wasn't his, either, but it totally wasn't their fault. When they were younger, when all of them still lived with Beverly and Eugene things were awful, and then Stephen ran away. He packed his bags and left barely saying goodbye and not talking that often with his siblings was only a consequence, it was only something that happened. He talked to Victor once a week, they made sure they were okay (Stephen would lie most of the time as he always did) and they would check up on each other again seven days from then. But maybe being there with Tony, maybe something in those five days traveling with Tony and listening to his stories with his friends, listening to his stories with Carol made him want more, made him want... A family? A one-person family in Donna, but he wanted one. He wanted what he never had. He wanted someone on the outside to talk to him about the things he was doing, about how Tony made him feel a certain way, but in the silence he realized that maybe things were not supposed to happen the way he wanted. Maybe he and Donna were so different that there was no relationship there to build.

“I have to go.” he said.

“Stephen?” She seemed desperate, desperate to say it before he hung up. “I’m proud of you, we both were, and I love you.” Tony kept his eyes on him. Stephen didn’t move a muscle. He hung up. He threw the phone on the other side of the bed, his breathing uneven, and he put his head on Tony’s lap. Tony hugged him.

“You did good, Steph. It’s okay.” Stephen nodded. He closed his eyes, letting Tony play with his hair.

“What are you doing tomorrow?”

“I have to be at the studio by seven, and I’ll probably stay there for the sixteen hours that follow, so I think I won’t see you, and you need to go back to work.”

“True. Shit.” Tony smiled.

“But you’re welcome to sleep here, if you want.”

“Yeah, it sounds like a good idea.” Stephen looked at him and Tony gave him a peck. Scott opened the bedroom door. 

“Sorry to interrupt. They’re freaking out.” Stephen got up, sitting on the bed and they looked at each other. 

“What?”

“Hope.” Stephen opened his mouth.

“What did she do?” Stephen got Tony’s phone from the bed and opened twitter. 

“@HopeVD: I was on the phone with someone’s ex. “S, who’s your boyfriend?” “you are” I guess Tony and Scott lost.”

Tony looked at him and smiled. 

“It’s nothing. It’s just the first letter.” Stephen took a deep breath. “It’s okay, Steph. They won’t know.” He nodded. 

“Hope said we’re going out tonight.”

“Oh, no. We’re gonna stay home, watch something, eat something. We can’t…” Tony nodded.

“You two are unbearable.” 

“Which reminds me…” Stephen jumped out of the bed, giving Tony a kiss. “I have laundry. I see you later.” Tony nodded. Stephen got his bags on the floor and left the house. 

Scott raised an eyebrow at him, his arms crossed.

“Shut up.” 

“I didn’t say anything.” He smiled. “I’ll call them.” Tony nodded. He got up and unpacked, taking the camping gear of the trunk. 

“You two have three options.” Scott said. “We can go out, we can go to my house or they’ll bring the mess to your house.” 

“I don’t think he’ll want…” Scott raised his eyebrows. “God, fine, I’ll talk to him.”

“Thank you.” Tony put the box with the camping gear in the closet in the living room.

(4:24 pm) Tony:

If we don’t go out with them they’ll bring the party here.

(4:24 pm) Stephen:

I don’t think it’s a good idea. They all can be recognized, somehow, so they will know it’s me.

(4:25 pm) Tony:

It’s not like I’m Brad Pitt, it’s not everywhere. We went out countless times together during the trip.

(4:25 pm) Stephen:

Yeah, and three girls recognized you and asked for photos.

(4:26 pm) Tony:

But it will be dark.

(4:26 pm) Stephen:

Tony.

(4:27 pm) Tony:

Do you wanna go to Scott’s then?

(4:27) Stephen:

Are we staying there?

(4:27 pm) Tony:

100%

(4:28 pm) Stephen:

Okay. Sounds good.

(4:28 pm) Tony:

We leave at seven.

Stephen thought about that. It was enough time to wash his clothes and put them in the dryer. 

(...)

“Okay. Stephen! Stephen!” He looked at Alex. “What was the best moment of your trip?”

He looked at Tony, and then to Carol for a brief second.

“Come on, guys!” 

“Okay, we got it.” Chris raised her hands. “We really got it.”

“It’s not like this. It’s just… All the moments were good.” ony tried to say. Chris smiled.

“He just doesn’t wanna tell us that the best moment happened behind four walls.” Alex threw a pillow at her.

“That’s gross?” Stephen seemed a little embarrassed. Tony leaned to whisper in Scott’s ear.

“Pismo”

“Shit, he knows something. Come on, Lang, spill it.” Scott opened his mouth, unsure if he should say something.

“Come on, what's going on? Were you guys arrested? Were you drunk? Did you fight the whole trip? What is it?”

“Pismo beach.” They both looked at Carol, who threw Tony’s phone back at him, his lockscreen on. “I recognized the cliff. I’ve been there a lot.”

She got up, taking a deep breath.

“I’m fine. It’s just… You don’t need to protect me, she was never mine, you could have talked to her, I don’t care.” She shrugged and grabbed the bottle on the floor, leaving. 

“I’ll go.” Tony nodded. He watched Stephen get up and go after her. He knocked on the bathroom door.

“Hey, it’s Stephen.” He heard Carol unlock the door and got in, closing the door behind him. He sat on the floor, in front of her.

“I’m fine.” Stephen smiled.

“You always think you’re fine, until you realize that you’ve sat on a bathroom floor more times than you can count.” Carol smiled.

“You know what they say. You never forget your first love.” 

“No, not a good one, at least. She was good to you, you’ve learned with all of that, it was part of your life, you can’t forget.”

“How is she?” Stephen shrugged.

“First, she’s pretty. She’s oh wow.” Carol smiled. “She’s good. We can see that she’s been thinking way too much about it, you know? She’s moved on, of course, but I can tell there’s this part of her that keeps what happened close.”

“Dani. I’ve heard. I’ve been trying to move on, but I don’t know where to start.” Stephen nodded.

“You just can’t convince yourself that she was the only one. What happened?”

“Chris.” Stephen raised his eyebrows.

“Chris as in the living room Chris?” Carol nodded.

“She used to talk to me about this girl on the west coast, but she never told me it was Maria. We got there, and I saw her and Chris introduced us. In that first week she seemed a little off, but I thought she was just giving me some space to be with Maria. A little after they left Maria told me that they’d met before, a few times, so I realized. I don’t think it would have helped, anyway, we had already been together, but…” Stephen nodded.

“You thought that things would change if you kept dating her.” Carol nodded.

“You really have a lot of experience on bathroom floors, don’t you?” Stephen smiled.

“Honestly? I’ve been on one, a lot, but I feel like that it’s a part of me that will stay in the past. I’m just scared that the next time I won’t be able to put myself together anymore.”

“I don’t think my brother would do something like this to you.”

“I know. I know he wouldn’t. I’m talking about me.” 

Chapter Text

“I know he wouldn’t. I’m talking about me.” Someone knocked on the bathroom door.

“Steph?” Carol raised her eyebrows.

“Yeah? We’re coming out.” He got up, helping Carol and opened the door.

“It’s eleven thirty, maybe we should go?” Stephen nodded.

“Sure. I’ll say goodbye.” He gave Tony a kiss on the cheek and walked away. 

“Look..”

“Tony, we’re good. I never thought I would feel like this with her being in your lives, but I’m good.” Tony nodded. “Do me a favor and take care of him, okay? He’s a keeper.”

‘Sure.” They watched as Stephen came back. “Did you get everything?” Stephen nodded. He gave Carol a kiss and he and Tony walked back to the car holding hands.

“Do you think she’s good?”

“Yeah. She just exploded. I was trying to understand how a one-month relationship could leave that much damage, but I get it.” Stephen looked at him and kissed his hand. 

‘Yeah.’ Tony looked ahead, scared of asking the question. ‘Have you been talking to him?

‘No. It was the weekend. He cheats on me on weekends, remember?”

‘I’m sorry.’ Stephen looked at him.

“Are you?” Tony shrugged. “Can we not talk about it?”

‘We can talk about San Diego.’ Stephen frowned.

“What?’

“I have an event there on Saturday. It’s a talk. I just… I thought you could go with me.”

‘Tony…”

“We could give you an employee credential, so you could see I’m like awesome? It’s a quick flight.” 

‘I don’t know, it sounds risky.” Tony nodded. “Don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad. I just…” He shook his head. 

“I didn’t wanna be this person, Tony. I swear, I just…” Tony nodded.

“I understand. I do. It’s a lot to process, and it really does sound risky.” 

“I promise I will be better, I just…”

“Hey” Tony put the hand on his leg. “You don’t need to be better, just don’t leave, okay?” Stephen nodded.

The way back home, despite the light traffic, seemed bigger with the silence. 

Stephen left the car when Tony parked the car in front of the garage, behind the house.

“Tony, wait.” Nat was on the balcony. She looked up, to the sound of Stephen’s voice. She lived in the house next to theirs, so from there she could see Stephen with his back against the car.

Tony got closer, and Stephen put his hand on his waist. The woman smiled watching it.

“I’m sorry. It’s just… It’s a lot. You’re famous, and if it were for me I wouldn’t mind going, but I’m just trying to protect us for now.” 

“Look, I know, okay? I promise this won’t be a big deal. There will be plenty of events for you to come with me, okay? And backstages, and shootings, and photoshoots that I hope you’ll be one of the photographers shooting.” Stephen smiled. Tony gave him a peck and pulled him by the hand.

“Jamey?” Bucky looked at her, as she walked back to their room. “Have you seen Dylan lately?”

“Stephen’s boyfriend?” She nodded. “No. At least I haven’t heard him.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Why?” She shrugged sitting on the bed next to him.

“I saw Stephen getting home, so I thought that I hadn’t seen him lately.” The man nodded, turning his eyes back to the laptop in front of him. 

Tony opened the kitchen door and took off his shoes. Stephen did the same, closing the door behind him and following him to the room.

“Hope said that they have options of names for you and how we’ve met. Apparently Samuel, Simon, Stephen, Stanley and Sebastian are the best options, and they think we’ve met during season three.”

“Oh, only if they knew.” Tony smiled. “What else?”

“They think you sing. Kinda right about that.”

“Oh, god, no.”

“I was thinking.” Stephen raised his eyebrows.He was facing Tony, one arm under his pillow and the other under his head. 

“It’s a short flight. I can take a flight back home that same night and we can go to Cheesecake Factory with Scott and Hope.”

“Sounds good. We can do that.” 

 “Okay, I’ll leave early tomorrow, so I’ll leave you sleeping.” Tony said, and for a moment Stephen realized that their time together was about to get shorter. 

“We won’t have breakfast together?”

“We can, if you want. I have cereal.”

“High quality. Do you close the box, or do you just leave it there all mushy?”

“Oh, you can always go to your house and eat your crunchy cereal there.” Stephen smiled.

“I’m thinking about something as well.” Stephen said. “I want a twitter account.”

“What?”

“I thought maybe I could have one, and put another name with S, like Spencer or Sean.”

“You’re gonna create a fake account and then what?”

“It’s just…”

“You won’t mess with them, you can’t.”

“I won’t, of course I won’t. I just wanna meet them. I just wanna see what they talk about you, maybe give them something you never give them.”

“Naked pictures?’

“I mean, no, I’m just saying, it will be fun, I think.”

“You won’t mess with them?”

“I promise. I just wanna talk to people, tell them some things, read what they’re saying.”

“Oh, so we’re on stage two now. A twitter account about me. Have you thought about your user? Maybe Tony The Greatest?”

“Oh shut it.” Stephen started blushing. 

“What are you gonna tell them?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll tell them your cereals are always soggy.”

“Oh, that’s the content I would sign for.”

“Oh, okay.” Stephen threw his legs out of the bed, getting up. “I’m going home.”

“Steph, come on. Come back.” He pulled Stephen by the hand. “Do it, it will be nice. It’s a good way to make them like you and they will feel closer if you’re there. Just be careful with names, places…”

“Of course.” Stephen went back to bed, his hands on his stomach, staring at the ceiling. Tony did the same thing. He put his hands under his head, looking up.

“It’s a nice way to show people your devotion to me.” Stephen pulled his pillow and hit it on Tony’s face.

“Fuck you.” Tony smiled. 

Chapter Text

“@Tonysrisends: @maggieckll look at this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The tweet had a screenshot of another twitter account. The first tweet Stephen posted was a picture of Carol in the living room.

“@seanvc: someone ask this child to turn the volume DOWN? I’M LOSING MY MIND.”

“@seanvc: @Carolstark don’t make things harder for you”

“@maggieckll: @Tonysrisends OH MY GOD IT CAN’T BE!”

“@Tonysrisends: @maggieckll have you seen this picture before? And Carol is in LA with Tony.”

“Wow, you really know your way around first impressions.” Stephen pressed the phone between his ear and his shoulder and grabbed the can on the shelf. “What are you doing?”

“I’m buying food.” 

“Like real food?”

“Oh, my mental health appreciates it, thank you, honey.”

“Any time. I gotta go.”

“Okay. Drink lots of water, I'll talk to you later.” Tony put his phone in his pocket. He sat on the couch again, looking at Pepper. 

Stephen was slightly nervous. During those four das the only way they had talked to each other was through texts or phone calls. Tony was in the studio all the time shooting the new season and fixing some scenes, and Stephen could hear how tired he was in his voice.

Every day away passed was a day without him and a day closer to having Dylan back. Inevitably the first thing he did when he woke up in the morning was count how many nights there were before the boyfriend would be back, and the number would stay in his head for the rest of the day. Missing Tony also didn’t help.

He just wanted that day to be over and the more he thought about it, the more he wished he had said yes to San Diego, but now it was Friday, so it was too late.

(...)

Stephen knocked on the kitchen door on Saturday afternoon. 

“Hey.” he faked a smile to Carol. “Are you busy?”

She shook her head, denying. “Can we have a bathroom-floor conversation?”

Carol chucked. She let him in, closing the door behind them, and opened the fridge, getting two bottles of beer.

“I don’t drink.”

“Oh, you do today.” They went to the living room, sitting on the couch and looking at each other, their legs crossed, the beer opened in their hands. Stephen looked at the bottle, took a deep breath and took a big sip of it. 

“What’s wrong?” Stephen exhaled. He kept his eyes in the bottle and drank again. “Okay, don’t get drunk before you tell me.”

“Can you promise you won’t tell Tony?”

“I don’t know. If you’re about to tell me you did some stupid shit I’ll punch you first and then I’ll tell him.”

Something in the way Carol spoke made things worse, because she reminded him of Victor.

“I’ll hurt your brother. That’s a fact. It’s something I won’t be able to avoid and I don’t want that.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Dylan.” He got up, pacing around the living room. 

“Your ex?”

“My boyfriend. We didn’t…”

“You didn’t break up?” Stephen shook his head. “Does Tony know about this?”

“He does, of course, and that’s the problem. I know I won’t be able to break up with him, and I’m scared, I mean, I just… I can’t spend my whole life with Dylan, I can’t spend another week with him, but your brother is too close. God, how can I protect him if I can’t protect myself ?” He sat on the floor, looking at her. 

“I can’t do this. I don’t know what to do, I just can’t see Dylan getting close to your brother, you know? I won’t… I couldn’t stand it, but at the same time I can’t hurt his feelings. How can I… I can’t hurt your brother in any way, I mean, I just need to keep him safe, but at the same time I want him with me.” 

Stephen took another big sip from the bottle and looked at Carol.

“We can move.”

“No, oh, god, no. I would spend even less time with him and there’s London in a few months…”

“You can accept his proposal and go to London with him and keep things a secret until then.” 

“We’re not even going out because of it. I’m not in San Diego because of all the secrets, I don’t want that. I don’t wanna hold him, you know?”

“You have to break up with him. With Dylan. We will be fine, Tony will be fine.”

Stephen shook his head.

“I can’t. I can’t even imagine how… You have no idea how he reacted when he thought I was having an affair, I mean… I can’t do it. I can’t.” The thought left Stephen upset. “I can’t.” He drank another sip from the bottle. “I can’t break up with him.”

Carol put the bottle on the floor, next to the couch and kneeled on the floor, in front of him, her hand in his knees. 

“Pretend things are okay for a while, maybe one, two weeks, wait for him to fuck things up and then you break up with him. Tony will be fine, I promise.”

“How? You’re not sure.” 

“Stephen, don’t give up on something that makes you happy, okay? It’s a bad moment or a bad life, doesn’t sound like a hard choice. It’s something. It’s one bad minute or the rest of yours.”

“What happens if Dylan touches him?”

“You don’t have to tell him, just break up, and if you’re tired of hiding, then stop hiding. Go out with him, go to the movies, travel again, watch his weird events, just… Keep doing what you’re doing. Just keep making my brother happy, you two will be okay.”

Stephen closed his eyes.

Carol had this serious tone as she spoke, which didn’t help. Someday he would hurt Tony, it was inevitable, he just didn’t know who it would hurt more. 

And Stephen knew that if he kept going the pain would be way worse for both of them.

Chapter Text

Sometimes you just need a little push, something to make you see things from a different perspective, or realize other things.

Stephen’s phone rang. He looked at the screen, smiled and got up, picking up as he left the house.

“Hey.” He heard Tony take a deep breath on the other side. 

“Hi.” Stephen frowned.

“Is everything okay? Did something happen? Tones?”

“I just… I just had an interview, and there were ten thousand people there just to see me.” Stephen smiled. 

“Okay, take a deep breath, Hollywood.” Tony smiled. “Was it good?”

“I… They were screaming because of me, like do you know how it feels when you’re in front of ten thousand people and they’re like cheering you? It was absurd.”

“Okay, deep breath again.” Tony did what he said. “Hey.”

“Yes.”

“I’m happy for you. You deserve it, you’re really good.”

“I’ll send you a picture.”

“Okay. Eat something, drink water.”

“I will. What are you doing?”

“I was watching an amazing show. The Risen. And then I just came to your house, and now Carol and I are talking and drinking a beer.”

“WHAT? You don’t drink.”

“Yeah, tell that to your sister.”

“Can we talk about something important?” 

“Maybe.”

“My parents are coming to the premiere of the third season in October, and I would like you to meet them. I mean, there’s still time, and I hope we’ll have developed something by then.”

“I’d love to.” Tony opened his mouth. He didn’t expect an answer that fast.

“Really?”

“Of course.” They stayed in silence for a second.

“Stephen?”

“Hm?”

“Thank you. It’s nice to see you accepting things for our future, it makes me feel safe.” 

“Good. I like it too.”

“I have to go. I see you in four hours.”

“I’ll wait.” Tony smiled and hung up. Pepper looked at him, her phone in her hands.

“You’re introducing Stephen to your parents?”

“Something wrong?”

“Stephen is amazing, just make sure you know what you’re doing. Make sure he knows you’re around, that you kiss one of your friends at work, that you travel around, that there will be rumors, lies about you, events, that maybe you won’t be able to be around if he needs you.” 

Tony took a deep breath. He was hoping that Stephen would be the only rumor, but he wasn’t sure if that was going to be totally true, at least not with the premiere and the new movie around the corner. The rumors would show up, it was inevitable. He didn’t have to give them a reason, they were there.

“I will.” Pepper nodded. 

“Hey, can I ask you a question?” Tony nodded. “You’re with Stephen now, so who’s the guy from the elevator?”

“Trent.” She chuckled.

“Trent is straight,” Tony laughed, putting the laptop in his backpack.

“If he says so.”

(...)

“@Tean_update: Tony has a picture of him and Sean on his lockscreen.”

The tweet had a picture of Tony carrying his phone on his hand, next to his body, and then a closer screenshot showing the two silhouettes kissing against an orange background on the phone screen.

Stephen opened his mouth, astonished. It was impressive how fast that information had surfaced. Some fan had taken the picture at the airport when Tony walked past him. 

“@TonyStark: going home :)”

“@Seanvc: finally the end of a long week xx”

Tony opened the direct message.

Sean: You really don’t know how to be discreet

Tony: What?

Sean: They saw your lock screen

Tony: Can they see you?

Sean: I don’t mind. I guess we’re more than just a rumor now, I think we’re real.

Tony: We’ve always been real, we’re just not a secret anymore.

Sean: I’ll take care of one last thing and then we’ll be free to be real.

Tony: I’ll wait for it eagerly. 

(...)

“OH MY GOD. Hollywood’s most amazing couple!” Tony smiled. “Me and Tony, of course.”

“This city has never seen two couples as amazing as we are.” Hope hugged Stephen.

“We’re on a double date.” Scott said, wiping the fake tears out of his face. 

“Can we eat now? I just took a long flight, I’m starving.”

“Hon, you’re always starving.” Hope smiled. 

(...)

“An Oreo for me.” Scott said, throwing the menu to Hope.

“Traditional.”

“Dark chocolate, please.” Stephen asked.

“Blueberry.” Tony said. Stephen’s phone rang.

“ Direct message from: @Tonysheaven: white chocolate is better”

He opened his mouth, scared, and looked at Tony. What the…

“Are you okay?” Stephen showed him his screen, and then he opened the message.

“Sean: come say hi!” A few seconds later two girls showed up, eyes fixed on them, the only stranger there. Tony winked at him, discreetly. 

“Hi.” The girls exchanged a look. They looked at Tony, unsure of with whom they would talk first.

“Hey. You’re Sean.” Scott laughed.

“Definitely. If there’s someone that is Sean is this guy.” Hope stepped on his right foot on purpose. Scott looked at her.

“Can we take a picture with you?” Stephen and Tony looked at each other. 

“Sure.” Tony got up. Stephen took the phone of his hand and took the picture of the five of them.

“Are you coming?”

“Girls, not today, I’m sorry. Maybe another time.” They nodded. “It was nice meeting you.”

“Thank you.” The four of them smiled and the girls walked away. 

“God, that was weird.” Stephen said, exhaling. 

“Are you okay?” Stephen looked at him.

“Can you come with me?” Tony nodded. They walked together to the restroom.

“Steph?” The older one had his hands on the sink, facing down. “Hey, talk to me.”

Stephen looked at him.

“What do you want us to be?”

“What?”

“Do you want them to know, ot do you want things to be just between us?”

“I don’t know. I just wanna be around you, anywhere.”

“Okay, let’s do things properly, then. Let’s be real, what do you think?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I want to be here. I want to be anywhere, I just wanna keep what we have.” only smiled. He gave Stephen his hand, and Stephen grabbed it.

Chapter Text

Tony faced the ceiling for so long that his brain was hurting a little, his legs shaking. He forced them in place, what required an excessive amount of effort, but he didn’t want to wake Stephen up.

The brown-eyed boy was sleeping on his stomach, next to him, his arms under the pillows, his face turned in Tony’s direction.

It was Saturday again. The week had gone that same way. Stephen would sleep there, they would go out for breakfast, Tony would leave him at work and then he would spend his days working, and at night he would pick up Stephen at Geometria and they would go out for dinner, back home and they would sleep in Tony’s bed again.

Tony thought that he didn’t want that Saturday to arrive, because now he thought he wasn’t brave enough for it.

Those three weeks with Stephen had gone too fast. It was the fourth weekend they were spending together, and Tony realized that they’d shared a bed in all of them. 

Deep down he was sure of two things: that he wanted Stephen as close as possible for as long as possible and that he wouldn’t spare efforts to make that happen. 

That was why Saturday had to happen. 

He looked at Stephen and took a deep breath. He thought he was falling way too fast, so he was a little scared.

Unlike Stephen, who was counting the hours to Dylan’s return, Tony seemed to have forgotten that the boyfriend would be back. In his mind things were going to stay like that for longer.

“Stop staring at me, weirdo.” Stephen mumbled, his eyes still closed. Tony smiled.

“Good morning.”

“Morning. What are you doing?”

“I’m thinking. We have plans tonight.”

“Which are…”

“We’ll be normal tonight. I thought maybe we could go to the pier, promenade…”

“Are you sure?”

“Are you?” Stephen nodded.

(...)

The third street promenade is three blocks long, right across the Santa Monica Place, only a block away from the Santa Monica Pier.

Tony and Stephen jumped out of the bus on Broadway Street and Stephen looked around.

“If you want we can…”

“No, I want to be here.” Tony nodded. 

The promenade was crowded. The stores were still open, people would come and go carrying bags. Some would stop in front of the triceratops fountain, other people would stop to study the map, looking for some specific store.

“Do you wanna see something?” Stephen nodded. He walked next to Tony to the second block. He got inside a store and pointed to the wall. 

A picture of a shirtless Tony wearing only a pair of jeans was on the wall.

“At least they didn’t photoshopped abs in you.” Tony pushed him gently. “That’s cool.”

“I know.” Stephen rolled his eyes and followed Tony back to the pavement.

“Now what?” Tony pointed to a store across them. If you buy an ice cream there you get a rubber bracelet with something written on it.

“What does yours say?” Tony asked, throwing the plastic packet in the trash.

“Hope. What about yours?” 

“Love.” He looked at the bracelet and smiled. They walked along the promenade together.

They stopped behind a metal bench in front of an Apple store. The blond boy was around nineteen standing across from them, a guitar in his hands playing Yellow. Stephen put his free hand on the back of the bench and Tony put his hand over his. The older one listened to Tony whispering the lyrics of the song with the boy and smiled. Life was good those days. It was something Stephen would do anything to preserve, but he knew something bad would come out of all of that. He shook his head, focusing on Tony’s and Zen’s voice singing the song, the first to himself and the other one to the fifteen people watching him.

Stephen threw his popsicle stick in the trash and closed his eyes. Tony waited for the man to stop singing and left him twelve dollars inside a box in front of him on the floor, grabbing a cd to himself. 

“Here. Listen to Remember Me.” Tony gave the cd to Stephen.

“But it’s yours.” Tony shrugged.

“I have four of them and all my friends also have it, you can have one.”

“What?”

“He’s just starting, and he’s good, so every time I come here I buy a cd.” Stephen smiled, giving him a small peck on the lips. 

(...)

Tony stopped in front of the table, looking at all the bracelets and then looked at Stephen.

“Pick one.” Stephen shook his head. 

“No, I’m okay.”

“Please.” Stephen took a brown bracelet from the pile. Tony found a similar one. 

“What are you doing?” Tony grabbed his wrist, tying up the bracelet around it.

“Promise?” Stephen opened his mouth.

Can you, Stephen? Can you promise him that you will meet his parents? Can you promise him you will break up with your boyfriend and be with him? Can you promise that you will tell the truth? That you will stick around? That you will make him happy? Can you promise that you will leave Dylan and you will go through a bad moment so the good moments with Tony happen? Can you not leave him?

“Yes.” he said. “I promise.”

Can you not lie, Stephen? Everybody knows you won’t.

Stephen looked at the bracelet for way too long. It wouldn’t let him forget.

Kissing the neighbor he had met a week before hadn’t been weird. Sleeping on the chest of a man he had just met hadn’t been weird. Sharing the bed with someone you’d met a few days before hadn’t been weird. Get in a possible relationship and being so close to Tony hadn’t been weird. Committing to the idea of meeting his parents hadn’t been weird, I mean, why not?

But that… That was too much.

The silence that was never embarrassing was now crushing Stephen with all the strength it could. Oh, wow, that was insane.

“Are you okay?” Stephen looked at him and took a deep breath. “Look, I…”

“We’re okay. Look, I really wanna be here, I just… Tony, I don’t know.”

“You’re turning me down.” Tony touched his forehead. “Oh, wow.”

“I’m not. I just… Don’t you think it’s weird? We’ve known each other for three weeks, I can’t just make promises like this.”

“You’re not telling me this. Not after the three weeks we’ve had. 

“We’re not even boyfriends, yet, Tony. You can’t blame me, I’m in a nine-year relationship with someone, I can’t just jump straight into your arms to promises like that, you can’t expect me…”

“You’re using your crap relationship with a fucked up man as an excuse…” Tony chuckled. “You’re not doing this.”

“I’m sorry, Tony.”

“No, you’re not. If there’s something I know about you is that you’re not sorry. You’re not. You’re turning me down because you’re scared, but…”

“What do you know about me, Tony? Three weeks ago you were going through my trash and you only stopped because you started going to my house, so you already knew everything I was throwing away.”

“I gave you everything I knew, everything I’ve lived, and now… You know what? The bus number three stops in front of your house. I’m out.” Tony left him alone. Stephen looked at the bracelet in his wrist and saw the salesman get closer.

“Are you buying?”

Chapter Text

Stephen sat on the curb and stayed there for a considerable amount of time. He played with the rubber bracelet in his right arm, his heart beating fast.

Great. Your only chance of being happy with someone and you threw it away, what for?

Why the fuck are you so scared?

Stephen took a deep breath and got up, knowing that he would have to go back home eventually.

(...)

Tony heard the knock on the door and got up, angry.

“Carol, I swear to god if you forget your keys one more time…” He opened the kitchen door thinking that his sister would be there, but he only found the brown bracelet with a tag with “promise” written.

Stephen came out of his own office, opening the door and looking at him.

“I’m sorry. I really am. I promise, I promise I’ll do what I can to make this work.”

“You don’t have to.” 

“Listen to me, please. You’re right. You’re right, I am afraid, but not because of me, I’m just scared that someday you’re gonna look at me and see that I’m so messed up that you can’t be around, or I’m scared that my fucking boyfriend touches you, because you’re too good for me, Tony, and you can’t blame me for trying to protect you, because I like being with you, I do. The past three weeks were the best weeks of my life, because for the first time I felt something good, and I’m not used to it. I’m not used to having people around, people that care about me, so I don’t know how to act, I don’t know how to… preserve this, because I don’t wanna fuck this up and make you suffer.”

“Maybe you’re right, Stephen, maybe we’re going too fast.”

“We haven’t even had sex yet.” Tony rolled his eyes. “I’m just saying. I… I know what I want, I want to build something with you. Come here.”

Tony took a deep breath and gave him his wrist. The older one tied the bracelet around it. 

“The promise I’ll make is that I’ll make things work for us, just have a little patience with me.”

“More?” Stephen closed one eye, leaning his head to the right. He took his jacket off, letting it fall to the ground. “What are you doing?”

Stephen got closer, putting Tony against the kitchen door. He took off his shirt.

“Steph? What are you doing?’ The older one smiled, kissing him. Tony took off his own t-shirt.

“Carol…”

“She’s sleeping at Alex’s tonight.” 

“You called my sister? You didn’t…”

“She called me half an hour ago and said she’ll sleep there. She said you were not picking up.”

“Yeah, you know… I was heartbroken, and I thought it was you.”

“Oh, very nice of you.”

“Well, we had a fight, I had the right to not answer it. By the way, are we leaving my door or are we having sex here?” Stephen laughed, shutting the door behind him, the two of them leaving a trail of clothes around the house.

(...)

Tony left him sleeping and got up, taking his phone on the couch.

“What the fuck do you want? It’s ten am.”

“We have a few things to discuss, I need to talk to you.”

“Where’s your boyfriend?”

“Sleeping.”

“Exactly. Just like you I also have a boyfriend, which means ten am on a Sunday is too fucking early.”

“Please, it’s important.”

“Fine. Meet me at Cecconi’s in one hour.” Tony hung up, going back to the room. He threw his legs around Stephen’s body, sitting on his legs.

“Leave me alone.” Stephen mumbled.

“I kinda will.” Stephen opened one eye. “I got a phone call. I need to fix something at the studio, can you wait for me?”

“You’ll leave me alone on a Sunday morning?”

“I’m sorry. You can call the guys, maybe find a place for you guys to eat lunch?” Tony suggested, one eye closed.

“Fine, it’s your job. I understand.” Tony gave him a kiss and got up, getting some clothes from the closet.

(...)

“What do you want?” Tony sat in front of her and put a pile of paper on the table. “No. no. no. no. nope. No way.”

“Please, I don’t know what to do.”

“Why?”  Tony didn’t answer. “You didn’t tell him, did you?” He remained in silence. “You must be kidding me.”

“I…”

“You’re what? Waiting for him to break up with his boyfriend to tell?”

“Maybe. Look, please, I trust you.”

“That’s the problem. What do you think I would do?”

“I just need to make sure he’s okay.” She took a deep breath. “I’ll pay?”

“Oh, wow, now we’re talking.”

(...)

“HOLY FUCK” Stephen looked up, just in time to see Scott jump over his couch and run in his direction.

The living room was full of food containers from the Panda Express on Sunset Boulevard. Stephen was sitting on the floor near the coffee table. Carol was also on the floor, sitting next to Chris, who was in the armchair, and Scott was in the kitchen when he screamed. 

“What?” Carol looked at Alex confused. “What is it?”

“They… wow.” Scott showed Stephen his phone. He took it and scrolled down a bit, looking to all that information, trying to digest everything he was seeing. He opened his mouth, Carol and Chris looking at him waiting for some information.

“What the fuck is going on?” Chris asked, and Carol showed her her own phone. “Oh, they’re fast.”

“What the fuck?” Alex took the phone off his hand. “Oh, Stephen.”

The fan accounts were full of pictures of them together on Promenade, the night before. The two of them talking, the two of them kissing in front of the Apple Store, of them walking around holding hands, of them watching Zen play. Stephen tried not to freak out. He recognized every moment of the pictures and realized that they had been followed for most of the night. The moment of relief was when he realized that there were no pictures of the pier, or the little argument they had had in public. 

“Okay, bathroom.” Carol pulled him by the hand to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. “Look at me.”

Stephen obeyed. 

“You will be fine.” Stephen shook his head. “Hey, I promise.”

Stephen chuckled, thinking that was slightly funny. 

“You can’t promise that. We’ve been here before.”

“I won’t let anything happen to you two, I’ll stop him myself if I have to, do you understand?”

His phone rang. He looked at it for a while.

“Hey.”

“Hey, I’m going home. Where are you?”

“I’m at Scott’s.”

“Is everything okay?”

“They know.”

“What?”

“There are pictures of us around the Promenade all over the internet. They know… My face. They have pictures of me.”

“I’m picking you up.” Stephen looked at Carol, who was watching him. She left the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

“I’m with my car.”

“Okay, so I’ll meet you at home and we can…”

“Tony, I need to be alone tonight.” Tony opened his mouth, He closed his eyes for a second, the car stopped at the traffic light. 

“Okay, I see you tomorrow?”

“Tony…” He looked at the bathroom wall. “Please.”

Tony took a deep breath and nodded. He went back home. The garage was empty. One hour later he saw a car getting in the hallway, and Stephen’s door opening and closing.

Stephen looked around his office and called his sister.

“Hey, how are you?”

“Remember when we watched The Notebook together?”

“Yes. Why?”

“I don’t know. I was thinking about forbidden love, about not being able to…”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about wanting something so bad that sometimes you just think not having it would be better. About being afraid of doing something, afraid of letting things go…”

“You’ve met someone.” Stephen stayed in silence for a second.

“Yes.”

“And he’s famous.”

“Yes.”

“Do you like him?”

“Yes.”

“Does he like you?”

“We’ve been together for three weeks.” Donna took a deep breath on the other side.

“You don’t know how to break up with Dylan.”

“I know what he’s capable of. He almost killed my best friend, I can’t even think what he would do to Tony.”

“Oh, god, you’re dating Tony as in Tony Stark?”

“Oh, not you as well.”

“He’s the only twenty-something Tony in Hollywood. What are you afraid of?”

“Everything. Consequences. The rumors. Being left behind, the new movies and the distance that comes with it, Dylan, Tony’s ex, the flashes, everything. I don’t know how to not be afraid. I think… I don’t know, I’m just afraid of getting involved with someone who actually likes me.”

“Okay, Stephen, you need to listen to me, and I’ll be honest. Victor and I talked about you many times. I know I haven’t been a sister for you, but I love you and I think fear is overrated. If you think you’ll be happy with Tony then go for it, don’t hide, just look for it. We used to say you would be the happiest person in the family because you would know how to appreciate it. I know life hasn’t been fair to you, but if you need anything I want you to know that I have my own apartment in Philly now, so if you need a place to stay, or a place to run away to I’m here.”

Stephen heard someone knock on his door.

“I have to go, there’s someone knocking on my door.”

“Tony?”

“I doubt it. Thank you for the talk.”

“Yeah, sure. Good luck tomorrow.”

“Thank you, I’ll need it.” He ended the call and threw the phone in the living room couch walking to his office. Behind the door Carol was waiting for him, a supermarket bag full of red velvet ice cream.

“I thought you’d want the company.” He smiled.

“Yeah, sure.” Carol got in, closing the door behind her. “I’ll break up with him. With Dylan. I know what I promised him, I just… I just need some time to think.”

“I have something I need to tell you as well.” She said, putting the bag on the counter and opening the drawer to get some spoons. They walked to the couch and sat together, facing each other.

“Should I be worried?”

“It’s about Chris.”

Chapter Text

The box was in the living room. Tony knew someone was there, because he heard something break in the other house. 

The sender was Donna M. Strange.

He got the box, hugging it and knocked on the office door, ready to ask Stephen if he wanted to share a salted caramel cheesecake at Cheesecake Factory on 3rd street.

The door was opened.

Tony looked away for a second, to hide the excitement on his face, when he saw Dylan’s face instead of Stephen’s. 

Sometimes you have these moments when you don’t know how to react, that you don’t know how to get over it. Tony felt like he had just gotten punched in the stomach. 

He looked at Dylan again and showed him the box.

“They tried to deliver it, but no one was home, so I thought I could take it so they wouldn’t send it back.”

“Yeah, I’m aware of how the mail works.” Dylan took the box for himself.

Tony wondered if anyone could be more rude than him, but he thought that wasn’t possible. 

“I hope you don’t mind.” Dylan didn’t answer. Tony nodded and went back home completely uncomfortable.

He didn’t know what to do, what to feel, what to think. He just felt like something was deeply wrong. He and Stephen hadn’t thought about the future, at least he hadn’t. He completely forgot that moment would happen, and definitely he didn’t think he would live it like that.

Dylan was back.

Tony sat on the couch, Stephen’s number opened on his phone, too afraid to text him something, but Stephen wasn’t home, he wasn’t with Dylan, so Tony could do it.

Dylan was back. Tony was a little disappointed. The last twenty days had been amazing, but now he had a six-feet obstacle in front of him.

(6:37 pm) Tony:

Dylan’s back.

He texted Stephen and waited patiently for a reply. What if Stephen’s phone were with Dylan for some reason?

(6:38 pm) Stephen:

Yes.

That was all he got. Nothing else. Stephen didn’t even think about saying something else.

“What now, Stephen? What are we going to do? What happens now?” Tony didn’t blink. He kept staring at his phone, waiting for a sign, anything from Stephen, but he didn’t say anything else.

Stephen deleted their conversation. Everything. The last two texts and everything they had sent to each other during those three weeks, all the texts from when Stephen was working, or Tony was working, while Tony was at the studio, or changing his plans in San Diego to come back to him that same night.

That was what would happen now. The silence. The emptiness. The lack of communication, as if the last twenty-six days hadn’t happened, until Tony realized that it was safe to take Stephen away from there, until he came up with a plan to save him and end all that nightmare. He got up and sat on the kitchen floor, looking through the window.

A few minutes later Stephen passed by. They looked at each other for a second as Stephen walked. He got in his house.

Tony lied down on the kitchen floor, both hands on his stomach, eyes fixed on the ceiling.

Stephen and Dylan were together again and Tony was alone. He lost track of time. It was already dark outside when Carol opened the kitchen door.

“Why are there three cars in the garage? And what the fuck are you doing on the floor?”

“I am leaving.” He got up, grabbing his phone. “I’ll travel alone tonight.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He’s… Well, the last few weeks? It’s over now. And honestly? I’m scared for life.”

“Just calm down.”

“I’m just tired, I’m worried, I need to drive.”

“Tony, come on, just relax.”

“Don’t fucking tell me to relax, how can I?”

“Look, I know it must be hard, but just trust him.”

“You... “ Tony pointed his finger at her. “What do you know? You left her, and what did you get from it? Gratitude? Friendship? You know nothing.” Tony passed through her. Leaving the girl in the kitchen.”

“HEY!” Tony looked at her. 

In the office Stephen walked away from Dylan's hug and opened the office door, seeing Tony and Carol looking at each other. They looked at him for a split second.

“I know what it’s like to make sacrifices for a greater good. What do you know, Tony? You’re so selfish that you don’t even realize that things are not as simple for people as they were for you. A good life, a career, people cheering you up, buying what you want, spending your money with whatever you want… You don’t know the other side.”

“I’m so tired of people thinking they know how I feel. You haven’t considered the countless nights I’ve spent working, did you? The tiredness, the exhaustion, everything I did to get here. I’m tired of seeing people thinking they can play with my feelings because money would fix things.” He looked at Stephen for a second, seeing Dylan behind him, watching everything as well. He left them behind, getting in the car and driving away.

Stephen looked at Carol and closed the door, looking at Dylan.

“Since when do you care about people’s fights?” Dylan asked.

“Since when do you care about anything I do?” 

“Wow, three weeks away and that’s what I get.” 

“It’s not like you’ve missed me. Maybe next time think about how New Hope is smaller than you think and that maybe I’ll hear everything about the others. If you got what you wanted from me you can go.”

Tony had slept in an empty bed for the second night after a while, but that night it was different. He had no choice.

Stephen took a while to sleep. He waited, to make sure Dylan was sleeping, then he grabbed his pillow and went to sleep on the couch in the office. The one in the living room was more comfortable, but there he thought he would be able to hear when Tony got home and maybe he would try to talk to him, but he didn’t. Tony got home a little after two am.

Stephen woke up the next morning and noticed that Dylan had already left for work.

Stephen knew Dylan would be back on Monday, that was why he told Tony he wanted to be alone on Sunday, because he was afraid that Dylan wouldn’t find him there on Monday, or that he would find Stephen with him.

That Tuesday morning Tony went to the garbage container to throw his garbage there when he found it.

The paper was folded in three, with “Sean” written on one of the sides. 

Tony opened it, knowing it was for him. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for you to feel that way, but I haven’t given up. I’ll do it, but I need to make sure I’m doing it in the right time, when it’s safe for the both of us.

I’ll be waiting for you tonight, 7 pm in the supermarket parking lot.

L, S.”

Tony put the paper in his pocket and threw the trash away. He went to the garage, noticing that Stephen’s car wasn’t there anymore.

 Stephen sat at his desk and put the playlist of the tv show to play. He typed a little, changed the color of a page and got up, leaving the office.

“Hey, it’s me.” the other one had picked up the phone after a few seconds.

“Hey, how are you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you think if you hadn’t got closer things would be better?”

“Oh, yeah. Have you felt that?”

“In that first week, after I found out about Chris. I spent that time thinking that if I had left, if I had said no things could have been different.”

“Are you really doing it?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

(...)

Tony looked through the office window and saw some light on inside the house, so he walked down the hallway to the sidewalk and then he walked to the supermarket, a third of a mile away from the house. 

It was Tuesday and he had a few days off, but he was anxious to see Stephen so he did what he could to get rid of the feeling. He went to the gym, he studied his script, he went for a few walks around Santa Monica. 

He got in the parking lot of the supermarket on the corner of Ocean Park and Lincoln Boulevard and looked for Stephen’s car.

Stephen watched as he got in and sat on the passenger seat.

“How are you?” Tony didn’t look at him. He was afraid he was going to see something he didn’t like, so he just shrugged. “T, look at me”

Tony shook his head, denying. Stephen put his hand in his leg, and Tony put his hand over his.

“I’m so sorry, I’m glad you’re here. I wish there was an easier way. Can you look at me?” Tony did it. He let go of Stephen’s hand and touched his face. 

“Are you okay? Did he do something to you?” Stephen touched his arms, feeling slightly embarrassed, but also slightly happy with the way Tony was worried. It was nice to have someone who finally cared enough. 

“I’m okay.” Tony nodded.

“Did you sleep with him?”

“No. I had to kiss him, but I didn’t. I’m so sorry, I know how it feels like when you think the other person has somebody, I just…”

“You do?” Stephen nodded. He wasn’t sure if he should talk about it or not.

“When Rhodey knocked on your door that Friday night, while we were watching movies in my house? I thought it was because you were like this, because you’d put people down when you got tired of them, but then I realized that I was slightly jealous, because I knew you guys had had sex in the waterfall. I was scared that the man who made me feel safe already had someone and that I was gonna end up stuck with Dylan.”

“You know about the waterfall? How?”

“The night you arrived I was sleeping in my office, and then you dropped something and woke me up and told Carol that you guys had had sex.”

“I’m sorry, You told me you’re breaking up with him and I believe in you.”

“I will. I promise. And I promise I’ll do it as soon as possible. I know I’ve said no to London and that’s on me, but I wanna spend time with you before you go, so just let me find some opportunity.”

“You know London doesn’t mean the end, right? You can go visit and Hope will…”

“Hope will what?” Tony closed his eyes. “Tony?”

“Hope is moving to Ocean Park with you? I kinda… You know…”

“You’re not coming back, are you? You’re putting Hope to live in your house? Where are you staying after that?”

“If I come back… When I come back can I live with you?” Stephen looked at him, his eyebrows frowned.

“Yes, but…”

“Then you already have your answer.”

Chapter Text

Stephen stared at his phone looking for a sign. He and Tony spent some time together until Tony walked back to his house, and he still hadn’t gotten any messages.

He meant it, didn’t he? When he said that he would take Tony to live with him. It was almost like what they were doing being neighbors. 

It was Wednesday and he still wondered when he would have the courage to break up with the boyfriend. The problem was that as time passed he was scared Dylan would find out.

His phone rang. He took his earphones off before looking at the screen.

1 new message from Dylan.

He exhaled, frustrated.

(12:38 pm) Dylan:

I’ll pick you up at 8 so we could do something together?

(12:38 pm) Stephen:

Something?

(12:39 pm) Dylan:

I just miss our favorite veggie burger.

(12:39 pm) Stephen:

Sure. I’ll leave early.

(...)

Dylan parked the car in the hallway, next to Tony’s window. Stephen saw the kitchen light on and the door between the kitchen and the living room was opened. Tony was at home.

Before Dylan could leave with the car he heard Tony scream, celebrating something. Stephen tried to not smile.

Their way to the restaurant was quiet.

“Are you okay?” Stephen looked at him and nodded.

The first thing Stephen did when he got in the restaurant was look around. And he realized it had been a mistake to say yes to the vegetarian burgers when he saw three teenagers looking at him, and then looking at each other, as if they had recognized him.

“I’ll… Be right back.” He said, his heart racing. His hands were shaking and his breathing was incomplete. 

He locked himself in a bathroom stall and took his phone off his pocket.

“Hey” Tony seemed excited, happy. “How’s it going?”

Tony didn’t get an answer, instead he heard Stephen’s breathing on the other side.

“Steph? What’s going on?”

“I… I can’t breath. I’m… I’m with him and these kids, they… They saw me.”

“Okay, calm down, okay, where are you?”

“In the restroom of the Flower Child.”

“Okay, I’ll take care of this for you, just take a deep breath and leave the restroom. Just count to fifteen and focus on your breathing, okay?”

“Please don’t come.”

“I don’t intend to. Don’t worry, I’ll fix it, okay?”

“Okay, thank you.”

“Count to fifteen. You’ll be okay, honey.” Stephen nodded and Tony waited for him to be calmer before he hung up. 

“What’s going on?” Carol looked at Tony, worried.

“I need help.”

(...)

Stephen left the restroom and realized that Dylan was seated way too close to the teenagers’ table, so he felt the three pairs of eyes staring at him again.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Stephen nodded, still a little nervous. He couldn’t be recognized. He couldn’t have the three of them coming to his table and asking if he was Sean, or how Tony was, or who Dylan was and how he knew him. He just couldn’t, because he knew a “they probably got me mixed up” wouldn’t be enough for Dylan, and he knew he would search and that he would find what he was looking for.

This. Would. Break. Him. This would break Stephen.

Dylan looked at him. 

“Do you know your order?” Stephen didn’t answer. Under the table he was rubbing his hands together, nervous, his blood running heavy in his veins, his shoulder felt like weighing a thousand pounds. “Stephen?”

He looked at Dylan, his mind elsewhere.

“I’m talking to you.”

“I’m sorry. What?”

“Do you know what you want?” 

“No, hm, I don’t know. Can you decide for me? I’m a little tired.”

“I can see that. You came home late last night. I thought I would have to send someone after you. I was worried.” He almost scoffed at the word. Worried. Yeah, no way. He got even more nervous. Why was Dylan talking about the night before? Did he know what Stephen had done? Did he know that he and Tony had had sex in his car in the alley behind the supermarket? He couldn’t stay calm. He couldn’t relax. Every thought he had was about the consequences of his actions, of having the teenagers coming over, of Dylan finding his pictures with Tony on the Promenade, of Dylan knowing about the previous night…

He heard a muffled scream and looked at the door.

NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.

Carol and Chris got in together. Chris in front of her. They stopped by the counter and ordered a few things, then Carol turned to the restaurant and analyzed the place, and her eyes found Stephen’s table. She gave Chris a little punch in the arm and they walked together to Stephen’s table.

“DUDE!” Carol patted Stephen’s back. “Nice to see you here!” Stephen nodded.

“Do you mind if we join you?” She asked, already pulling her chair. Dylan seemed confused.

They sat there, without any answer. Carol sat next to him, her hand still on Stephen’ back.

“Dylan, these are Carol and Chris.”

“We work together at Geometria.” Carol explained. 

“Internship.” Chris said, and looked over her shoulder, impatient about the juice she had just ordered. 

“Aren’t you two too young? How old are you seventeen?”

“Eighteen. How old do you think Karp was when he founded Tumblr?”

“He was twenty. I mean, I’m sure I’ve seen you before. Are you from around?”

“No. I got transferred a month ago. I was homeschooled, so I graduated earlier, now here I am.”

“Where are you from?”

“Australia. Well, raised, not born. Chris got transferred from New York.”

“Oh, that sounds like desperation. I mean, they went really far for you, didn’t they? What language do you use?” Dylan asked. 

Stephen grabbed his thighs trying to control his emotions, his leg shaking a bit, the palms of his hands burning a little from all the friction. There was no way Carol and Dylan could carry a conversation about coding without raising any suspicion.

“Php.” Stephen looked at Carol, a little impressed.

“Why not asp? It’s slightly more modern.”

“I don’t need to export anything, I can just program and write my code altogether.” 

“Well, exporting is just a small price to pay if you want to present something more sophisticated.” 

“It’s not CS5 anymore, I don’t know where you’ve been, but CC is here and it’s just what I need. I can deliver sophistication, and better websites than I would with asp, plus nobody actually uses asp anymore, it’s jurassic.”

“It’s all about execution time.”

“Execution time won’t matter in a few years when asp becomes extinct. What do you do? How would you know?” Stephen pressed his lips together, trying not to smile. 

“I’m a cooperative salesman, I just know, also Stephen has good points when it comes to programming.”

“You should listen to him more, then. Nobody uses asp anymore. At least I truly hope they don’t.”

“We’ve been dating for seven years, you would understand if you dated him.”

“I rather not. He would be like a brother to me.” Chris cleaned her throat and got up.

“Can you come with me?” She held Carol’s hand and took her to the counter, grabbing a few napkins and some salt sachets. “I know you’re trying to, but we’re here to help, not to tell him Stephen would be like a brother. Less help is better.” 

“I’m talking business.”

“We’re not here to talk business, we’re here to help, we’re here to keep the kids away from them.” They went back to the table. 

“So, where do you work?”

“Cisco.” Chris and Carol looked at each other. 

“Oh, nice. Sounds good.”

“Well, I can make ends meet.” Stephen held himself to not roll his eyes. He looked at Carol and then discreetly looked to the other table.

“If you excuse me, I have something I need to do.” She got up, sitting on the table with the teenagers. “Hi, I’m Carol.” she introduced herself and smiled. Dylan looked at Chris and Stephen a little confused.

“Oh, don’t mind her, she’s always looking for someone different.” Sounded like criticism, knowing Chris and Carol from those three weeks with them. Maybe a little jealousy as well. “Always. Always leaving me for someone else.” She and Stephen exchanged a small look.

Dylan nodded.

(...)

Chris and Carol only left the place after they were sure that the three teenagers had gone home. They got up and left Stephen and Dylan alone.

On the street Carol looked at her.

“Do you wanna walk on the beach?”

“Sure.” Carol nodded. They walked to Ocean Avenue. The restaurant was only a block away from the Santa Monica pier. Chris walked down to the sand, and Carol followed her.

“Are you okay?”

“I’ve talked to Maria.” Chris raised her eyebrows. “She’s fine. She’s fine, you know? I mean, really okay.”

“We’ve never talked about it. About what happened, about her…”

“We don’t have to. It’s alright.”

“Do you wanna leave?”

“We can stay.” Carol nodded.

“I just wanna make sure we’re on the same page. If I knew that Maria was the person… We never talk about it, never had, not about relationships, about what we want.”

“Maybe I don’t wanna talk about it. Maybe things are not the same for me, you know? You fall in love, you love, you have things with people and I don’t. It doesn’t matter what happened with Maria, okay? It’s over.”

“Chris?” Carol touched her elbow. She looked at her hand, and then looked at her. “I…” Carol thought twice about telling the truth. “Can we go home?” Chris nodded. 

Chapter Text

A little after two am the kitchen door was opened. Chris and Carol were sleeping in Carol’s bedroom and Tony was sleeping in his, his door slightly opened. 

Stephen closed the door carefully and walked in the dark to Tony’s room. He put his hand in front of his body, trying to not hit anything on his way to Tony’s bedroom. He found Tony’s bed with the help of the lamp outside, the beam of light coming through the window. Stephen lied down next to him, his arms around Tony’s waist, who woke up slightly scared.

“What are you doing here?”

“I just wanna be with you for a minute. Tony smiled and threw his blanket over him. Stephen got closer. Tony turned to face him and gave him a small kiss. 

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah.” 

“You can’t sleep here. He’ll miss you in the morning.”

“Just let me stay here for a second. I missed this.” Tony smiled. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Why?”

“I thought maybe we could take the day off, just the two of us. I found this beach in Malibu. We could wait for him to leave and we take my car, do something together, maybe a picnic? We could just sit there and read a book together?”

“Oh, so cheesy, I’m in.” Tony kissed his forehead. He reached for his phone, setting an alarm for six am, so Stephen could leave and Dylan wouldn’t notice he was gone.

(...)

Stephen left his house before Dylan, so Dylan wouldn’t suspect it. He drove to Geometria, but he didn’t park in front of the office. He went to Marina Del Rey and waited for Tony to text him letting him know that Dylan was gone, so Stephen drove back to Ocean Park and picked Tony up on the corner of the supermarket.

(...)

“Geometria design, I’m Gabriel. How can I help you?”

“Hey, Gabriel. It’s Dylan. Is Stephen around? He’s not picking up my calls.”

“He didn’t come to work today.”

“Oh.”

“Haven’t said anything about it either.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll look for him. Hey, I met the new interns last night.”

“What interns?”

“The girls.”

“There are no new girls. Stephen’s the newest in the company.”

“Oh, okay, I must have understood wrong, then. I forgot he said he had this thing today.”

“Is everything okay between you two? I know opening the relationship works sometimes, but you seem a little off.”

“Opening the relationship?”

“You and the guys from Golden and Stephen with this new guy. He drove Stephen to work a few days, and he would pick him up as well. They would kiss and all.”

“Oh, I gotta go, but I see you around.”

“Yeah, sure. Have a nice day.” Dylan hung up, grabbing his car keys and his wallet on his desk.

He knew that the office door would be closed, because he locked it before he left, but he also had a copy of the front door key. He sat on the couch to wait for Stephen.

A little after eight pm Stephen’s car got in the hallway. Tony had stayed at the Starbucks on Lincoln and called an uber from there to go home. 

They had done what Stephen suggested. They bought some food for a picnic, a few towels, a swimming short just in case they wanted to get in the water and a couple of books, and that was basically their day.

Stephen opened the office door with his key and got in, closing the door behind him. He noticed Dylan on the couch, as he walked to the fridge.

“Hey, you got home late again, how was work?” 

“We’re with a new project, I’ve been working as much as I can.”

“I bet. Are the interns being helpful?” Stephen took a sip of water from the bottle he had gotten in the fridge and looked at him.

“A lot.” Dylan nodded. He got up, walking to the kitchen, leaving only the kitchen counter between them, both his hands on the counter, supporting his weight.

“I was thinking.” Stephen put his water bottle on the counter, waiting for him to continue. “How do you feel about us moving again?”

“Why the thought now?” Dylan shrugged.

“I don’t know. You’ve been working so much, I just feel like with all the work you’re not being rewarded, you know? There’s no recognition. I’m just worried, because you’re really good, and you’re committed to your work, you’re loyal, nobody stands between Stephen Strange and a code, maybe it’s time for us to move on, you know? Start over in another place, pay just one rent, travel a bit more…”

“You’re saying you wanna live with me?”

“Why not? Look, I know I’m… Compulsive. I know that, but maybe we could start all over again, we could do things differently in another city, live together, I could get some help, I don’t know, I know I haven’t been good to you, I just wanna change, maybe changing the air would help.”

“Can’t you look for help here? You think we should abandon Los Angeles for you to make a change? You don’t want to change, you want to run away, that’s not how it works.” Stephen moved, walking to his room, trying to stop Dylan from talking.

“And why don’t you wanna go? Is there something going on?” Stephen turned to Dylan, looking at him. 

“Because I like it here. I like my house. I like how things are going. I wanted to come to LA, you didn’t, you followed me here, you made this a bad experience for me, like you’ve always had and now you wanna leave, I am not leaving.”

“Think about it. We’ve been together for seven years, Stephen.”

“Barely.” 

“Look, it would be good for us, we could live together, save some money, make some friends, travel around Europe like we planned to. I’m just trying to… Save us.”

And that was probably the last drop for Stephen. 

“AND WHAT DO YOU THINK I’VE BEEN DOING FOR SEVEN FUCKING YEARS? Please just stop talking.” He asked. Inside the other house Tony and Carol looked at each other. Tony walked to the kitchen.

“Hey, wait.” She held his arm, trying to stop him from walking. “It won’t help.” 

Inside the house Dylan got closer, staring at Stephen, his eyes fixed on him. Stephen shrugged a little when he saw Dylan’s hand reaching for his face, but he just touched him, gently. 

“If I look for help here would you live with me? I wanna change, Stephen. I need to change for you, can you help me?” Stephen looked at him, his mouth slightly opened, unsure of what to say.

Chapter Text

Stephen opened the cupboard in the kitchen and realized that he had spent way too long in the supermarket, but for the wrong reasons. He didn’t have bread. 

“DYLAN? CAN WE HAVE BREAKFAST ON OUR WAY?” Dylan came to the kitchen, buttoning his shirt.  “We don’t have bread.”

“Sure. Do you want me to take you today? I can pick you up and we can go to the supermarket.” Stephen nodded. He didn’t think it would make a difference, he would have to look for an excuse if he said no, so he just didn’t say anything. 

“I’ll just get a few things in the car.” Dylan nodded. Stephen left through the office door, going to the garage.

Four cars. 

His, Dylan’s, Tony’s and another car that he didn’t recognize. 

“Hey, morning!” He almost hit his head trying to leave the car as he heard the voice. He closed the door, seeing Rhodey standing in front of him, about to get in the other car. 

“Hey. Good morning to you.” the man smiled. He got in his car and drove away. What was Rhodey doing leaving Tony’s house at eight am?

Stephen was holding his office keys, his external hard drive and his phone. It wasn’t his fault, was it? He couldn’t blame Tony, they never had the “we’re exclusive” talk, and maybe it was his fault. If he had broken up with Dylan earlier, if he had done something, if he hadn’t… It was his fault.

He locked the car and went back inside, relieved for not running into Tony on his way back. He closed the office door.

“Hey, I was just… Are you okay?” Stephen exhaled. 

“I need a second.” He went to the bathroom, locking the door behind him and washing his face, trying to stop his eyes from producing tears.

He could have seen anyone. It could have been a stranger, a journalist that had found out about them, it could even be his own father, but seeing Rhodey there so early… He and Tony had history. He and Tony had a whole character of a tv show based on their history (maybe it was just a coincidence, but who’s paying attention?) He and Tony had a lot. What did Stephen and Tony have? A leather bracelet and a promise by the kitchen door. 

“You have to get it together, you know? Come on, you’ve been through worse.” He stared at himself in the mirror, counted to twenty breathing slowly and left the bathroom.

When he got to the office door it seemed like something inside of him had died. Dylan was leaning on the doorframe, the office door opened and Tony was outside, talking to him.

“Hey, babe.” Dylan put his arm around his waist, which bothered Tony a little. Stephen faked a smile. “Toby here was talking to me about changing places in the garage.”

“With you? I thought I was the one living here.” Stephen said, looking at Tony.

“It’s almost the same thing, isn’t it?” Stephen shrugged. “Sure, Toby.” 

“It’s Tony.” Tony corrected. “If you don’t mind. I have someone who might start coming over too often, so maybe it would be better, we don’t use our cars that much, and you two do.”

“Well, sure. Have fun with your someone.” Stephen looked at Dylan. “We have to go. I can’t be late today.” Dylan nodded. “Bye.”

“Bye.” Tony said, a little apprehensive. He watched as Dylan and Stephen walked away, leaving in one car. 

(...)

1 new message from Pitfire Pizza

Stephen took a deep breath. 

(2:17 pm) Pitfire Pizza:

I’m outside. Can you come out?

(2:17 pm) Stephen:

Can’t, I’m busy. 

(2:18 pm) Pitfire Pizza:

So I’ll stay and you’ll have to explain to your boyfriend what your neighbor is doing outside your workplace when he comes to get you.

The idea of changing the cell phone names had been Tony’s. The Friday before Dylan came back he and Stephen drove to West Los Angeles only to buy the pizza, and they decided that it would be better for them to have Tony’s name saved as a pizza place rather than his own name. It wouldn’t raise much suspicion. 

Stephen stared at the code for a second, replaced two numbers, reloaded the page and didn’t like the result. The menu bar still had to be smaller. 

He went back to the program, changed the two numbers again and reloaded the page one more time. There was something else wrong. The color.

He opened a new tab on his computer, got a color wheel, and when he finally liked the beige color he locked his phone screen, put his computer in sleep mode and left the office. 

Tony had his back against the side wall, waiting for him. 

Stephen looked over his shoulder to make sure no one in his office would see them there and exhaled, putting his hands in his pockets.

“What do you want?” Tony straightened his body, rubbing his left wrist with his hand. 

“What happened this morning, Stephen?”

“You should leave.”

“What did I do to you?”

“You gotta go. I have to work, people can see you if they look outside, it’s not safe.”

“What?”

“You have to go, Tony. You need to find someone who can deal with your things, with the fame, with your fans, someone who can really love you and not hurt you by being with another person.”

“We’re not going back to the conversation we had on Saturday, are we?”

“I mean it. You should find someone who can give to you what you deserve. Someone like… Rhodes.” Tony moved the weight of his body to the other leg.

“You saw him this morning and you think I’m getting my revenge.”

“Doesn’t matter what I think.”

“I didn’t sleep with him, I wouldn’t do this to you.” Tony pressed his own lips between his index finger and his thumb, finding Stephen’s jealousy a little cute. “He slept with Carol.”

Stephen chuckled. He let himself do that. Great, I mean, with everything Stephen knew about her, with all the talks they had had what Tony had just said couldn’t be further from the truth. 

“Just don’t lie to me, Tony. Not again. You really hope I believe in you knowing everything I know about your sister?”

“What do you know?” Stephen crossed his arms and looked away for a second.

“That you lied to me, that they didn’t sleep together. Just tell me the truth, I can take it.” Tony looked down and took a deep breath. He poked a small plant growing in a crack in the concrete, and then he looked at Stephen.

“He got evicted. He slept on my couch. His parents want him to go back to Australia to help them with their business, but he said no, so they cut his money. He stopped paying the rent because everything he had he was spending on food, which I didn’t know, so yesterday he got home and his things were in the garage, he didn’t have a place to sleep.” Stephen looked at him, speechless. “He made me promise I wouldn’t tell anyone. Not even Carol. She thinks he slept there just because we wanted to.” 

“He doesn’t work?” Tony took a deep breath.

“Not really. He doesn’t know what to do with his life, his parents helped him, but the deal was that he would be back after Easter, but he didn’t. He stayed. He can either go back home or stop getting their money.” 

Stephen took a deep breath, feeling like an idiot. 

“Come here.” He opened his arms and Tony hugged him. “I’m sorry. I should have trusted you. Maybe we can help him, hm? We can… Take him to places, we can help him find a job…” Tony nodded, hugging him a little tighter. 

Chapter Text

Inside the office Gabriel looked outside, seeing Stephen and Tony together and grabbed his phone.

(2:40 pm) Gabriel:

Not my problem, but you seemed a little off, I thought you would like to know that Stephen is outside with the man I told you about. 

Stephen looked at him, undoing the hug and gave Tony a peck on the lips.

“Let’s do something.” Tony looked at the office.

“You have to work.”

“I can finish later. Just a few minutes?” Tony nodded. He opened the car door and Stephen got in. Tony drove to the Pinkberry on Admiralty Way.

Stephen bought a mint and chocolate frozen yogurt and Tony got a sea salted caramel one. 

“I think we need to talk.” Tony looked at him.

“What happened yesterday? I heard you yell. I got worried, I was almost getting in.”

“Dylan tried to talk to me yesterday. He asked for help, for, you know, doing the things he does. And he’s too nice, that doesn’t happen. I don’t know, Tony, I don’t want to waste our time, but I also think that if I break up with him after he gets help it would be a little safer, after he stops… Doing that when he thinks he can. After some professional help.”

“I understand.” He said, putting the spoon in his mouth. “But?”

“London is in two months, you’re leaving. I wanted to be with you, because I’ll miss you, I don’t want to waste time with him.”

“Look, I get it. I really do.” Tony said, putting the spoon back in the small cup. “But I need you to make sure that you’re not doing this for me. I don’t want you trapped on Dylan just to protect me. I’ll understand if you’re doing this because of your safety, but I don’t want you doing this for me. I don’t want you unhappy because of me, I can take care of myself, and I can take care of you, and I know you don’t want the kind of protection I can give you, but think about it, okay?”

(...)

Tony left Stephen on the corner of Victoria Avenue and Abbot Kinney, behind a building, so they couldn't see the office from there, and Stephen almost cried of happiness when he did that. He saw Dylan parked outside the building, leaned on his own car, waiting for him.

“Hey, where have you been?” He asked, walking to him and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“I went to get some coffee.” Dylan pointed to the coffee shop across the street.

“Like the ones they sell there?” Stephen shrugged.

“You know how I am with coffee. I just wanted to buy a good one, and stretch my legs a bit.” Dylan faked a smile and nodded. “So, what are you doing here?”

“I was around, decided to come and check up on you. You seemed off this morning.”

“I wasn’t feeling good. I’m okay now.”

“Okay, I don’t wanna waste your time. Can I still pick you up?” 

“Eight pm?” Dylan nodded. He hugged Stephen by the waist. 

“Sounds good. I’ll be here.” He gave Stephen a small kiss and got in the car. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” Stephen smiled at him and waited for him to leave, before getting in the office.

(...)

Stephen looked around and smiled. Dylan had left him near the frozen food. He walked in his direction.

“You should try the strawberry one, they’re my boyfriend’s favorites.” Stephen suggested, two feet away from Tony. Tony smiled, grabbing the box of special k. “But he lets it soak.”

Stephen turned his body to the other shelf, turning his back to Tony. 

“I’m buying my boyfriend’s favorite. Granola. But thanks for the suggestion.” Stephen looked over his shoulder and smiled. 

“Your boyfriend has good taste. They’re mine too.” Tony smiled and turned back to keep reading the box. Stephen turned as well, completely interested in the bread in front of him.

“There you are!” Dylan found him in the aisle and got closer. He looked at the other man near them. “Oh, hey!”

Tony turned to look at him. He shook Dylan’s hand.

“I’m sorry I talked to him and not you about the garage, I just saw him in the hallway.” Tony said, looking at Stephen, who nodded.

“It’s okay.” Dylan answered for him. “It will be the same thing in a few days. We’re moving in together.” 

Tony’s smile was actually a laugh that he controlled himself not to let go.

“Oh, cool.”

“Not exactly a few days, there’s a lot to do.” Tony nodded.

“You need to talk to Nat about this. About putting someone else to live with you.”

“Have you?” Dylan asked. Tony nodded.

“My sister’s been living with me for two months now.”

“Oh, I thought you were talking about that someone you mentioned. Are you with someone?”

“I’m in a relationship, yeah. We just started dating, but it feels…” Tony didn’t know what to say.

“Like it was meant to be.” Dylan suggested. Stephen bit his lips when Tony nodded. 

“Yeah. Exactly.” Dylan nodded. 

“You should invite…”

“Him.”  Tony said.

“You should invite him to have dinner with us one of these days. Stephen and I could cook something, we could have dinner. It would be fun.” Tony nodded, slowly, trying to ignore how much he wanted to laugh with the thought of Stephen cooking something. Stephen, of all people, the man behind all the frozen food and fast-food. And it wouldn’t be four people at the table, it would be three. 

“Sure. I have to go, but I see you around.”

Tony finished his groceries and left the supermarket. Dylan had parked the car in the first spot near the door. He and Stephen were carrying the things back to the car when Dylan saw Tony leaving with four paper bags in his arms.

Rhodey parked between the door and the parking lot, a few yards from Tony.

“Hey, do you want a ride?” Dylan offered. Rhodey left the car.

“I’m with him.” Tony pointed Rhodey with his head. “Thank you.” 

Dylan put the bags in the trunk and closed it, walking to Rhodey, 

“So you’re the boyfriend.” Dylan asked, offering him his hand. 

“Ro, these are Dylan and Stephen, my neighbors.” Behind Dylan Stephen winked at him, asking him to play along. “He’s just a friend.”

Dylan nodded. They shook hands and Stephen pulled Dylan back to the car. He closed the door and turned on the radio, watching Rhodey drive away through the car mirror. 

Something inside got me wondering, is this real? Is this real?

“I’m hearing voices in my head, I don’t wanna hear, I don’t wanna fear. Say you ain't afraid of nothing, everybody’s scared of something…” Stephen sang along, as Dylan left the parking lot.

“You, interested in something on the radio? That’s new.”

“It’s a good song.” It was. It was also the theme song of Tony’s tv show. “Smoke in my chest from my last cigarette and the dog starts to howl at the moon. Black silhouettes’ gonna haunt me again, creeping out from the shadows of the room.” 

Dylan parked his car in the garage behind the house on Ocean Park. 

Rhodey and Tony took the four bags from the trunk and Dylan and Stephen did the same.

“Leave it open, I’ll come back to close it.” Stephen said, as Dylan struggled to close the trunk. They got home, leaving the shopping bags on the counter. Stephen emptied his pockets, leaving his wallet, cell phone and keys behind, before going back to close the trunk.

Dylan looked at the phone screen when it got brighter

“1 new message from Ma ❤”

Dylan unlocked the phone and read the messages.

(Aug 3rd. 3:34 pm) Ma❤:

Are you sure? Seems risky.

(Aug. 3rd. 3:34 pm) Stephen:

Trust me.

The last message had just arrived 

(8:56 pm) Ma❤:

All good for the weekend, I can’t wait!!!!!!!! 

Chapter Text

Stephen got up late that night and walked along his house, the side entrance and Tony’s house to his room, but he let him sleep. 

He lied down next to him and hugged his waist. Tony didn’t open his eyes, he just hugged Stephen’s arm and got a little more comfortable. 

That Saturday morning Dylan woke up to an empty bed. He looked for Stephen around the house, noticing that the car keys were on the kitchen counter. 

A little after eight am Stephen woke up with Tony hitting him in the arm.

“You fucking slept here again.” Stephen nodded, sleepy. “Steph, it’s eight thirty.”

Stephen got up, desperate. It was what?

He looked at his phone and noticed the missing calls from Dylan. He ran back home, without saying a single word to Tony and called Dylan back.

“Hey, where have you been? I woke up and you weren’t there anymore.”

“I was running.” Dylan raised his eyebrows.

“Are you home right now?”

“Yes.” Dylan nodded.

“I heard something this morning, and I got online and I’m curious, so I hope you can help me with something.”

“Sure.” Stephen opened the kitchen cabinet.

“So, Monsters was playing on the radio.” Stephen opened his mouth and looked at the wall. He put his phone on speaker, texting Tony.

(8:34 am) Stephen:

Don’t know what to say, but thank you for making me feel the way you feel.

And then he texted Carol.

(8:35 pm) Stephen:

Lock the doors. It’s time.

“I was curious.” Dylan kept saying. “Because I’ve realized that your neighbor is famous, like really famous.”

“Really?” Stephen asked.

“Yes, and I’m confused because I parked the car a few houses before your house and I didn’t see you get in, so you either teletransported to the house, or you never left. And I’m even more curious, Stephen, and you need to help me here, because I’ve been dating you for seven years and I don’t know if your real name is Stephen or Sean.” Stephen’s entire body was stiff. “You have two minutes to think about an explanation. We will have a talk.”

Inside the other house Carol grabbed all the keys she found and locked the doors. Tony frowned.

“What are you doing?” she didn’t answer. She gave the keys to Rhodey and stayed there, in the middle of the living room, her eyes closed, afraid. 

Tony opened his phone to the message. 

“What is going on, and why Stephen texted me this?” He showed the cell phone to her. 

In the other house Stephen locked the doors, knowing that it wouldn’t help, because Dylan had one of the keys. The only thing Stephen could think of was that the talk would be with him and not with Tony.

Dylan crossed the street, opening the wood gate and walking to the living room door, his copy of the key already in his hand. Stephen locked himself in the bathroom, waiting for the worse. Dylan got in, the house apparently locked, and he locked the living room door behind him. 

“STEPHEN!” Tony’s legs felt a little weaker. In the other house Nat and Bucky looked at each other.

“It’s time.” 

Tony’s brain seemed to work faster for a second. He went to his bedroom, grabbing a small box in one of the drawers and getting the spare key he had. 

Tony left the house running, unsure of what he would do if he was in front of Dylan, knowing that he would probably get a bruise or two. He saw Nat and Bucky leave the house, walking to the other house as well.

When the three of them got in, Dylan was punching the bathroom door, trying to open it. He looked at the three of them.

“Stop!” Tony asked, sure of what was about to come. His first movie, the one before the tv show, was a fantasy movie. There’s a scene similar to what was happening, where Tony’s character was facing a eight-foot monster about to invade a village, that was what it felt like, except the monster in the movie was Andrew from Special Effects with a tennis ball in his head. Now he was on the other side of the living room, scared to death for Stephen. “Stay away from him.”

Inside the bathroom Stephen started hyperventilating. He couldn’t breath and he felt like the walls were closing on him. It didn’t help when he heard Tony’s voice. 

“You. Excellent actor, I wouldn’t have figured it out.” Dylan said, getting closer. Bucky put himself between Tony and Dylan, a yellow envelope in his hands. Stephen opened the bathroom door just in time to see Bucky shoving the envelope on his chest.

“Time to go. If you get closer again we’ll call the police. It’s a restraining order.” Tony looked at them, and he left running to find Stephen by the bathroom door, his legs unable to move. 

“Shhh, it’s okay. We’re okay.” Stephen shook his head, a little dizzy. “Shh, I’m here, we’re okay. Shhh.” Tony held him tight. 

“Is this supposed to impress me?” Dylan asked, his blood bubbling through his veins. 

“No, but if the police don't impress you I know someone who will.” he said, Nat standing behind him. “So you can go now. And if you get closer to any of them, I’m sure you won’t like it.” Dylan scoffed.

“It’s none of your business.”

“It is now. We have evidence against you, and a good lawyer.” Nat said. Dylan looked at Tony and Stephen, still hugging each other.

“Maybe you should treat your next boyfriend the way I treat Stephen and maybe you won’t lose him.” Tony suggested. Dylan chucked, leaving the house. 

They waited for the wood gate to close behind Dylan and Nat and Bucky left the house. Tony and Stephen sat on the floor.

“It’s over, honey, you’re okay.” Stephen closed his eyes, unsure if that was real or not.

“What…”

“It’s okay, it is. We’ll be okay.” Stephen felt like crying. He did cry a little bit, still hugging Tony, just like that first day, with Tony on his knees, Stephen’s body against his chest, Tony’s arms around him. 

They stayed there for a while, until Stephen was calmer and no longer crying. 

“Tony?” Before Tony could get up and walk with him to the couch, Stephen stopped him. “I lied to you.”

“What? Why? How?”

“On our first day. I used to cover my bruises with makeup during college. I could have done that that first day, and that Friday morning, but I wanted to spend more time with you. I wanted… I wanted you to do it, so I could have you here.”

Tony smiled and gave him a kiss. He could kiss him as much as he wanted, now. 

Chapter Text

Lying on someone else’s chest was a good way to have your broken pieces glued together again.

Stephen remembered something, but he realized that that could wait.

He and Tony were sharing the same space in bed, their bodies together, there for no reason, just waiting for time to pass, a relief on their chests as they breathed. Stephen felt something that he hadn’t felt in.... He had never felt it. He felt free. The nightmare was over. Fear was over, and Dylan couldn’t get closer. The sensation of safety inside of him as he lied on Tony’s chest was real. Dylan couldn’t do anything else to him without being completely blamed for it, and Stephen was speechless.

Tony tightened his arms around Stephen’s body and closed his eyes. There was something really good about being there, and for the first time he realized that Stephen had saved him. Falling in love with Rhodey had been a mistake. The whole idea of his character and mirroring himself in his character had been a mistake. Liking someone had been awful, but now he was there, and it was good. It was good to take care of someone, help someone, buy cereal thinking about this person, or just texting Stephen in general was awesome and he realized that he could do that for a while.

“You know…” He started, and Stephen looked at him. “You can be my boyfriend now.”

Stephen smiled, putting his chin on his chest.

“I already am your boyfriend, remember? Berries Special k are my boyfriend’s favorite.” Tony smiled.

“Are you gonna tell them your real name?”

“Don’t worry about that, I know someone who’s already doing it.” Tony frowned. They were back in his bedroom, the door closed.

“We need to thank Nat and Bucky. He would have broken our noses if it wasn’t for them.” 

“He did do something to you?” Tony shook his head.

“Did he do something to you?”

“No, I’m. okay.”

“Have you realized we’re free? You can meet my parents, we can go to Australia, I can… Oh, I can show you my favorite place at home, I can introduce you to my australian friends, you can come to the premieres and hold my hand.” Stephen smiled.

“Slow down, Tony. We have London first.” 

The bedroom door was opened. Stephen looked at Carol, standing by the door, still holding the doorknob. 

“I needed a favor, Tones.”

“Take my car.” Stephen offered. “Go ahead.”

“What? No.” Stephen shrugged. 

“As long as you give it  back as you took it, and as long as you come back alright.” Tony looked at them. 

“Come back? Are you leaving?” Carol shrugged. “What are you doing?”

“We’ll talk about it later, babe.” Stephen said. “Trust me, she’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure about the car?”

“Of course. We can use your brother’s. Just call as much as you can.”

“What are you two doing?” Tony asked, sitting on the bed. “I swear I feel less loved when you two talk like that.”

“Give me a break, Anthony.” Tony opened his mouth, pretending he was offended. “She’s just getting the things she thinks she deserves.” Carol nodded and closed the door behind her. 

A few seconds later they heard.

“WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?” Tony and Stephen looked at each other and got up, opening the bedroom door. Chris and Carol were standing in front of each other in the hallway.

“That you don’t go.” Chris said, simply. The two of them were by the door. Chris was looking down, facing the floor.

“Why not? Tell me why?” Chris stayed in silence. “You said your problems with my relationship were behind us.”

“What relationship? SHE WAS ENGAGED. What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything. She called me. You’re just sad and alone, Chris, and I’m going.” Carol grabbed her bag and left through the kitchen door. 

Chris looked at them, her eyes full of tears.

“She can’t go. I can’t lose her again.” She admitted, looking down.  “I’ll sleep at Alex’s tonight and take a flight back to New York in the morning, thank you for letting me stay.” Stephen looked at Tony and then at Chris again.

“She likes you.” he said, fast. He wasn’t supposed to tell her, but he was sure if he didn’t there was nothing he could do to stop her. 

“No she doesn’t. That’s why she’s going after her again.”

“It was the easiest way, Chris. She never did or said anything for the same reasons you didn’t. Safety. Being your friend is safer than trying to be your girlfriend, and going after Maria is safer than trying to be your girl, but the thing is: she’s not getting anything from that.”

“What do you mean?”

“They’re not getting back together. Maria and I talked this week. She just broke up with Dani, she’s not going back with Carol.”

“She’s hopeful.” Stephen shook his head.

“And you let her go?” Tony was slightly angry now. “Why would you do that?”

“Because she’s trying to do what’s easy. That’s not how things work. She needs to learn that’s not how things happen, they need to sit and talk, they need to get closure, and she’s gonna come home and she’ll need a friend.”

“Not me. She can find a friend in you, in Scott, Hope, Amy, I don’t know, but not me. I’ll go back to New York in the morning and I’ll be alone, alone in New York.”

“Chris…” She shook her head and went to the bedroom, getting her things.

“I don’t wanna be nobody’s backup plan. I appreciate the intention, Steph.” She left through the door, holding back the tears. 

Tony looked at Stephen.

“You were supposed to be her friend.” Tony said.

“I am.”

“So you shouldn’t have let her go, knowing that she would suffer. She’s hopeful.”

“I know. I’ve seen it, but she’s trying to do things she’s not supposed to do, what do you expect, Tony? That she tries to go back to Maria and then spends her entire life wondering? The easy way isn’t the answer.”

“You took the easy way for years.”

“Why do you think I’m doing it?”

“I just think you shouldn’t be saying much.”

“I took the hardest way, Tony. The most difficult way, I embraced it, I embraced pain, physical, emotional pain for years, because I couldn’t even imagine where the easy way would take me, so don’t stay there and pretend you know about difficult things to do, because I’m sure the difficult way would give her way more than the easier one. The difficult way led me to you, and I’m thankful for that, aren’t I?” Tony opened his mouth, as Stephen turned his back and shut the kitchen door behind him. 

Chapter Text

 “Can I come in?” Stephen looked at the door and shrugged. Tony was standing by the door, in front of his bedroom. He got in, laying on the bed and looking at him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. I’m glad you’re here with me, and I’m so sorry your way to find me was so difficult for you, I’m so sorry, Stephen, and I’ll never make things difficult for you, ever. And you’re right.”

“Most of the time.” Stephen said and smiled. He reached for Tony’s waist. “I wouldn’t have it any other way, you know? My sister was right. I called her once, after that night with Rhodey, and she was right. I appreciate my moments with you so much more, probably because each one of them make me the happiest I’ve been in my life. You don’t have to apologize, but I’d love it if we could get over it and just leave him and everything in the past ten years behind us.”

“I would love that too. Come here.” He opened one arm to him and Stephen put his head on his chest. He hugged him as tight as he could. Closer was never close enough, at least not for Stephen. He always felt like they could get closer, and he always felt like no time with Tony was time enough. August was there, which meant he would only have a couple of months with him before Tony left for London, and he couldn’t even think about it. “Steph?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you okay with what I do?” Stephen frowned. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean with me kissing other boys for a living.”

“Oh, that’s not the only thing you do for a living.”

“No, but I kiss them eventually. I kiss Bruce on a weekly basis.” 

“Oh, yeah, honestly, I’d love to get paid to kiss Bruce, so you’re fine.” Tony rolled his eyes. 

“I’m serious. You know they’re not always nice, right? I mean, I keep things private, but I don’t know, some of them think it’s okay to say what they want to say and I don’t want you to be affected by it, I mean, I just said I wouldn’t make things harder for you, but what if you believe what you see online? What if they say, like they have before, that Bruce and I… And what if you believe it? What if it hurts you?”

“Tony. How long have you been thinking about this?”

“Since that day in the airport. I don’t want to bring parts of my life to yours, not because of me, but because of them.”

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay, I understand, and honestly, as hot as Bruce might be, you’re not with him, you’re with me and I like to think that you’re with me because I make you as happy as the others could, I trust you, and I don’t want you thinking that whatever interaction you have with someone, or whatever rumor is gonna become a thing between us, I’ve had my share of people between me and a partner, Tones, and I can see when it happens, so don’t worry about it, just enjoy everything your job brings you, I don’t mind, I promise, and if you ever do something you think I won’t be comfortable with we can just talk about it, I want to talk to you, honey..”

“Okay.”

“But please don’t think that just because you went out for lunch with someone, or because you’ve kissed a coworker on set that you need to talk to me, because I understand, you don’t have to make sure I’m okay all the time, okay? And if I ever feel uncomfortable we can talk about it too.” Tony nodded. Stephen gave him a peck. “That being said, I need you to do something with me.” 

“Sure. What do you want to do?” Stephen got up. He walked to his closet, trying to reach something on the highest shelf. “There’s something else. Wednesday is our one month knowing each other.”

“I know. You better not be planning anything.” Tony smiled. “I know you hope something happens, I know you, please don’t make a big deal out of it.”

“Of course you know me, you love me too much to not know me.” Stephen looked at him, his head leaned, his mouth opened. “I said the l word.”

“Yes.” Stephen turned his back to him again and kept trying to push the box from the shelf. He grabbed it with the tip of his fingers.

“Please don’t let things get awkward because of it.” Stephen looked at him again, putting the box on the bed. 

“I won’t put all my feelings for you in a four-letter word, T. I have a small idea of what it is, but for now I don’t wanna put one single label to it. I have a lot of things that I feel when I think about it, when I kiss you, when we’re together, and in every moment related to you, and they’re all good feelings, some of them I don’t even know what it is, but it makes want more of you, physically, emotionally. It makes me want you as whole, and everything that comes with it. Your friends, your life, your job, your career, your family, everything I feel makes me want you, so if love is the right word to say that, then sure, I love you too much to not know you.” Tony was blushing a bit. 

“Can you come here?’ Stephen climbed on the bed and got closer, crawling to Tony. Tony kneeled on the bed and gave him a kiss. He hugged him as tight as he could, putting his hand on Stephen’s face.

“I’ve been falling in love with you since the moment I walked through your door, and I wanna keep falling in love with you every day for as long as you want me and more.” Stephen smiled, giving him another kiss.

“Okay, focus. I need your help.” He got up again, putting the box closer and Tony sat behind him. When Stephen opened the box he understood.

Chapter Text

Dear Tephey,

I’m looking at this mountain, sitting on the grass somewhere around university. People here think I’m slightly weird because of that, isolated, leaving them behind to sit as far from people as possible just so I can write, but I need to write to you.

Argentina scares me a bit. I think I’m afraid because it’s a different place and that’s the problem, Tephey. Different has always scared me, and I don’t wanna feel like that. Why would I be scared of what’s different? I don’t wanna spend my life wondering who I am and what’s my point in here, I’m just tired.

I think the same way they scare me, I might scare them a bit, how I isolate myself sometimes, how I have my own days, my own pace, how I get uncomfortable with people speaking another language, because deep in my head they’re talking about me, how they don’t understand why I’m scared of falling in love, because honestly, what’s the point? I grew up thinking love was like you and Dylan, (not that it is your fault) so I don’t know how to let people in, and all of that is so unfair. Do you know what else is unfair? I miss you. I miss you so much every day, and it’s unfair because I know what you’ve been through when you were at home and you might be slightly better now, but I miss you. We grew up together and now you’re too far, and that’s unfair, because having you back would make me the happiest, but it would make you unhappy. 

Seeing mom and dad do to you what they did makes me wanna stay in Argentina for another semester but I’m leaving on the 4th to pack my bags in Pitt and go back home, so there’s nothing I can do. They gave me this opportunity, but I don’t know how to be thankful, and again, it’s not your fault. It’s theirs. At least the last five months helped me stay away for a second, breath, enjoy things, meet other people. 

Speaking of meeting, I met someone. I know, I just said I’m afraid of falling in love, but I think I might be. She’s beautiful, smart, and I hope I can come back to Argentina once university is over, not only because of her, but also because i want to lose fear. I hate fear. Which makes me think… Maybe you could come with me! We’ve never done that. You traveled with Na, I’ve traveled with her, but we never traveled together, just the two of us. Maybe you could come with me and I could show you all the beautiful places I’ve visited. I could show you the university and this beautiful cafe I went to with Lara the other day (that’s her name by the way). Maybe we could go to this museum…

Stephen stopped himself. Tony had his legs around him, his arms hugging his waist. Stephen held Tony’s arms and leaned forward, crying. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to show Stephen he was there, so he just held him tighter and let him cry. He could feel Stephen try to find air in his lungs.

“Hey, breathe, it’s okay, hey, I’m here, it’s okay. Take a deep breath for me.” Stephen tried, but air couldn’t get in fast enough. “babe, count with me, okay?” Stephen nodded. “One.” Stephen inhaled. “Slowly, it’s okay, you can do it. Two.” he exhaled. “That was good. Three.” Stephen inhaled again. “Four.” he exhaled.  They kept counting. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. 

“Can I lean on you?” Stephen asked. 

“Come here.” Tony pulled him closer, his own back on the bed frame, and cuddled Stephen. “Keep breathing, you can do it.” Stephen hugged him, his ear on his chest, his eyes closed, silent tears running down his face.

“Sometimes I think about you and I think about him and I keep thinking that maybe you two would be great friends. He would have loved you.” Tony smiled, kissing his head.

“I already love him because of the way you talk about him. Now take a deep breath, okay?” Stephen did it. “Steph, I think I love you.”

Stephen closed his eyes, still feeling the tears down his face, his neck, his chest. 

“I love you. Your smell, your voice, your smile…” Tony smiled. “Yeah.”

Stephen was the first to get up. He looked inside the box. A copy of Bon Jovi’s What About Now album that belonged to Victor; a notepad; a box with some random objects: a watch, three rings, some buttons, a few tickets from movie theaters the had gone to in the past, some old coins he used to colect; two keychains; a photo album; some loose photos; two medals for his cross country competitions and a paper toy they made together at some point before first grade. Stephen grabbed a smaller box in the closet and put everything inside. 

“Do you think she knows?” He asked, throwing the empty box across the hallway and putting the box with Victor’s belongings in the closet again. “Lara. About him."

"I don't know." Tony said, looking at him. 

"Do you think we should try to tell her?" Tony frowned, looking at him.

"I don't think that's a good idea." 

"Tones? Oh, come on, wouldn't you like to know if something happened to me?"

"Yeah, but that's different."

"How so?"

"We don't know her. We don't know what she's been through, we don't know if this could trigger something in her."

"What do you expect us to do, babe? She's somewhere in Argentina wondering why my brother simply stopped replying to her texts and why he stopped answering her phone calls."

"Yeah, but how can we do this to her? How can we call her, out of the blue and tell her 'so, Victor? Victor is not around anymore'" 

"I mean, I can't travel to Argentina to tell her that. I don't know, Tony, I'd wanna know. As painful as it would be I'd wanna know, I'd want to understand why you disappeared. It's not fair to her to spend her entire life wondering." Tony exhaled, nodding.

"Okay, you wanna do this? We'll do it." Stephen nodded, grabbing his phone. He called Donna. 

“Hey! How’s it going?” She asked. Stephen looked at Tony for a second and turned to face the wall. 

“Hey, hm, I’ll call you tomorrow to talk about that.”

“Okay.”

“I was actually… Do you know Lara?”

“What?”

“Hm, Victor had a girlfriend in Argentina. Lara. He wrote about her to me in the letter you sent. I was thinking about calling her. Do you know anything about it?”

“Oh, I had no idea he had someone. I’ll… I have his phone.”

“What?” Stephen frowned.

“I kept… For him. In the hopes that he would wake up at the hospital. I brought with me so mom and dad wouldn’t have it.”

“Yeah. I get it.”

“I’ll turn it on and I’ll text you if I find a number.”

“Thank you. I’ll call you tomorrow. Bye.”

“Bye, Teph. Love you.” He forced a smile and hung up. 

“So?”

“She’ll text me.” Tony nodded. It took some three minutes for her to do it.

1 new message from Donna:

54 351 568-5724

“How do I do this? Like an international call?”

“It’s oh eleven, the country code, area code, number.” Stephen nodded, making the phone call. 

“Si?” 

“Hi, this is Stephen Strange. I’m Victor’s…”

“Favorite person. Yeah.” Tony and Stephen looked at each other. “Is everything okay?”

“Hm.” Stephen closed his eyes. “When was the last time you two talked?”

“Two months ago. He… He was going home. Is he okay?”

“Hm…” Stephen felt one of Tony’s hands on his back and the other on his shoulder. “There was a car accident the night he was driving home.” Stephen fought the tears. “He…”

“You don’t have to say it. I understood.”

“I’m really sorry. He wanted to go back to you, you know?”

“Yeah, he... “ Stephen heard her voice change. “He said… He said…” 

Stephen inhaled, holding his breath. 

“He said he wanted to go back. To Argentina. I’m… I’m really sorry. I wish I could have given…”

“I know. Thank you for letting me know.” Stephen nodded. 

“Yeah. Hm, if you need anything you can text me at this number. I’ll call my sister, is there anything you want from him?”

“There’s a sketchbook. A… He would write it, I’d draw for him. If you could find it… I’ll text you my address, I can pay you, I…”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll send it to you.” 

“Thank you.” There was a moment of silence, and Stephen was about to hang up. “Stephen? I hope you find happiness. That’s all he wanted for you.” 

“Yeah. I found it.” He looked at Tony, who was next to him, his hands still in his body, trying to give Stephen some comfort. Stephen leaned his head and the top of his head touched Tony’s forehead. “Goodbye, Lara.”

“Yeah. Bye.” She was the one who hung up. Stephen threw his phone on the bed. Tony hugged him. 

(...)

They knocked on Nat’s door a couple of hours later. Bucky opened the door.

“Babe?” He yelled over his shoulder. He opened space at the door so Stephen and Tony could get in. Nat showed up in the living room throwing the dish towel on the table, which made Tony smile. 

“Are you two okay?” They nodded. She sat on the rocking chair in front of them, the two of them on the couch and Bucky on the armchair. 

“You had a restraining order.” She and Bucky looked at each other. “How?”

“I have a cop friend. We knew how things were, Stephen, I’m so sorry.” Tony held his hand instinctively. Stephen gave him a half smile and looked back at Bucky. “We talked to him and he helped.” Bucky leaned in, to look at them closer. “This is serious, Stephen. Don’t let him get near you again.” 

“Why? How? What did you do?” Nat pressed her lips, touching her forehead for a second.

“I saw you and Tony in the garage a couple of weeks ago, so I thought that maybe we needed to protect you two somehow. I noticed how Dylan was gone suddenly, so we assumed that things could get ugly, so we started the process."

“He got back last Monday, we didn’t know how to… I didn’t know how to break up. s I’m thankful you did. It wouldn’t have been easy for us.” Stephen admitted, Tony’s hands still wrapping his hand. “You talked about evidence.”

They exchanged a look again and nodded.

“We’re sorry about that.” Bucky said. “Uh, we have a camera near the roof, and it covers part of the garage. It recorded Dylan hitting you a few months ago. The security company has the recordings and they called us. We’re so sorry, Stephen.”

“It has never been a secret, has it?” He asked, more to himself than the others. He felt Tony’s hands tighten around his hand. Stephen and Dylan could have broken up, but he still was ashamed for not stopping him during all those years. Of how people around them knew about it.

“I’m really happy you two are together.” Nat admitted. “When Tony called me on the fourth of July I could only hope he would try to reach you.” Stephen and Tony looked at each other and smiled briefly. 

“But Tony is leaving.” Stephen nodded.

“It won’t be easy.” Stephen admitted. “I just hope he comes back as soon as possible.” 

“And he’s definitely visiting me in London.” Tony added. “If he doesn’t just tie him up and put him in an airplane.” Stephen rolled his eyes. 

“Do you know the girl that’s coming?”

“Hope. Yeah. She’s our friend. It will be nice to have someone around.”

Chapter Text

Maybe it's all down to the thought of her
Maybe it's all down to the loss we learned
Knew for a long time, for all it's worth
I wanted to run to you

When she kissed me I felt a new freedom or something
Well, move on
I found a moment to be brave so I let her know
And she said: How could I love you back, you who dropped your dreams in the gutter?
In my winters, she'll be burning slow
Feels like December knows me well

(Dermot Kennedy - Moments Passed)

It felt like every light in Pismo Beach was on. Brighter than Carol remembered, that was for sure. A little over a year before she had left that city as confused as she had ever been and now she was coming back way more confused than when she left it.

She parked the car near the Dinosaur Caves park near the fake eggs and felt like breaking them. There was this feeling of stupidity in the air, of borrowing Stephen’s car and driving for three hours just to be there. 

She grabbed her phone on the car seat and made the phone call, her body against the hood. 

“Hey, are you there?” Stephen’s voice asked, on the other side.

“Yeah, I just got here. I’ll look for a hotel and call Maria.”

“Are you okay?”

“Is Chris there?” Tony and Stephen looked at each other.

“She went to Alex’s. She’s going back to New York in the morning. I think you should talk to her when you come back, sit, talk, open up about your feelings.”

“I’ll be there tomorrow night.”

 “Okay. Call us if you need anything. We love you.” Carol smiled. 

“I love you two.” She hung up, staring at the ocean for a while. 

(...)

She put the handbag on the bed and called Maria.

“Hey! How are you? Are you in Pismo?”

“Yes. Yeah.” Maria nodded on the other side. 

“Do you wanna come to my house? You can sleep here if you want.”

“I already checked in, but thanks. I see you tomorrow?”

“Sure. Honeymoon at nine.”

“Okay. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Rol.”

(...)

Carol didn’t know what to do. She made sure she had parked the car in a permitted spot before leaving the car.

That felt insane. It felt like time had stopped. The brick street was the same. There wasn’t even a bush that Carol didn’t recognize. A rock out of place, not even a store that wasn’t there a year before. 

The Honeymoon was famous. Carol and Maria used to eat there every time they were too lazy to cook something, which was often. 

Carol could feel her heart beating in her chest as she crossed the avenue towards the yellow cafe. She only looked up when she was at the door, and Maria was the first thing she saw, standing next to the wall, looking at her with a half smile in her face.

God, she looked good.

Carol’s eyes widened a little.

Maria was standing right in front of her. That wasn’t possible, was it? Had she imagined that moment in her head so many times that she couldn’t even count? Yes. It had been days and nights imagining that moment in particular during those three hundred and ninety-three days since they had seen each other for the last time. (who was counting? Not her!)

Carol got closer, unsure of what she would do, her legs a little weak, her hands in her pockets.

“Come here.” Maria pulled her to a hug. “I missed you.” 

Carol smiled, moving her head to get more comfortable in her arms. It was a good feeling. For some reason it had been better a year before. 

Maria stepped away and looked at her.

“You’re so pretty. What happened to you?” Carol smiled, her face blushing.

“I’m starving.” Maria smiled.

“That hasn't changed, clearly. Come on, pancakes?”

“I’d love pancakes.” Maria threw her arm over Carol’s shoulder and guided her inside. 

A red-headed waitress got closer, her eyes fixed on Maria, as they both ordered their food. Carol also kept looking at her, a smile on her face, having fun with all of that.

“What?” Maria asked, giving the menu back to the girl. “Thank you.” the waitress nodded, looked at a smiley Carol and left.

“You still draw a lot of attention to yourself.” Maria smiled.

“I try not to.”

“It’s not working. The flannel shirt and the sunglasses only draw more attention, babe.” Maria shrugged, taking off the sunglasses and putting them on the table. “You broke up with Dani.”

Maria took a deep breath.

“Two weeks ago. Yeah.”

“Why?” She closed her eyes, stared at her own hands and looked back at Carol.

“She was about to move in. We were supposed to live together, and then I realized that I couldn’t. I freaked out. I imagined myself sharing an apartment with someone, arriving home to someone cooking dinner or whatever, waking up next to the same person for the next fifty years, being with someone for that long. I’ve always wanted that, you know that, I’ve always dreamed about finding someone, being married, happiness, but when I got close enough I thought ‘oh, wow, no.’ that’s not for me, Carol. I wanna be on my own, you know? My own apartment, my apartment, my space, I don’t wanna share, I don’t wanna worry about waking up earlier because someone else’s alarm is on. I don’t want that.”

“Not even if you date someone who doesn’t need an alarm clock to go to work?” Carol put one hand on the table waiting for Maria to hold it.

"Carol." The woman asked. Carol nodded, taking her hand off the table.

(...)

Maria opened the apartment door and Carol followed inside, impressed. If Pismo Beach hadn't changed much, Maria's apartment was unrecognizable. She had painted her walls, changed the old couch for a yellow one, part of the furniture was gone, the curtains that Carol hated were also gone, the historical carpet was gone. Even the bricks on the kitchen wall had a different color and in the kitchen Maria had also changed the cabinets for new ones that she and Dani had tried to build together.

"Do you want something?" Carol looked around, to the paintings framed on the walls that were also new to her.

"No, I'm okay. Thanks. Cool." She pointed to an abstract painting with shades of red and blue. 

"Yeah, they're all Dani's originals. I don't think she'll come back to them." Carol nodded. Maria showed her the couch and Carol sat next to her. 

"So…" Carol started, a little nervous. "How do we do this?"

"What?" The expression of confusion in Maria's face broke her a little. Maria wasn't there to do anything, she just thought they deserved a talk, she thought that the two of them owed that to each other. There was anger when Carol left, sadness, sorrow. 

"I mean, we were great together, weren't we?" Carol truly believed that. They were great, she had never been that in love in her life, so maybe if they got back together, maybe they could have the same life again. She could drive to Pismo Beach on Fridays after university, they could spend the holidays together with Stephen and Tony, they could make it work. 

"We can't do this, Carol." And then Carol's expression changed. "We can't. You know why? Because you're here. Clearly you can't get over us, and I can't get over us. I can't be with you. I mean, you're eighteen."

"Nineteen." Carol corrected as if it would make a difference. Maria knew how old she was. She remembered everything there was to know about Carol, about them.

"I don't wanna be with you, babe." Maria said, looking at her with sad eyes. "I can't be with you. It’s not good for me and it certainly isn’t good for you, and I meant what I said, Carol, I don’t wanna wake up to someone else’s alarm clock, or to another toothbrush in the bathroom drawer, I don’t wanna be this person, and honestly? You’re starting college, you’re gonna meet new people, you’re gonna fall in love over and over again, and I don’t know what kind of life I can give you. We’re nine years apart, Carol, I don’t wanna live my college days again with you, I’ve been there already. You’re not in love with me, Rol, You’re in love with the idea of having someone, so you won’t have to face what you really feel.” Carol got up, bothered.

“And what is that? You seem pretty sure of who I am as a person, but you can’t even remember my birthday.” 

“April twenty-fourth two thousand one. Born in Boston, you came to Cali a couple of months later, because your biological mom couldn’t afford it so she had to live with her parents. Carol Susan Stark, adopted by Howard and Maria Stark on eighteenth December two thousand one, which is the day you celebrate your birthday. You hate Susan, because it’s the name your mom gave you, and you feel less worthy of being a Stark carrying your middle name.” Carol looked at her. “I know everything about you, babe. I don’t wanna know it. I don’t wanna hurt your feelings, Carol, I don’t want a relationship and I don’t want a relationship with you.”

“Is it because I’m nineteen?” Maria chuckled.

“You could be nineteen, you could be thirty, I don’t want anyone.”

“What am I doing here, then? Because I thought…” 

“I wanted to make sure you’re okay, I wanted us to talk before we could move on, before we could do anything. I thought this would go differently, I never thought I would have to tell you we’re not supposed to be together. I thought we would talk about life, about who we are, about where we are, I never thought I’d have to tell this to your face.” 

Carol scoffed, shaking her head.

“I’m sorry.” Maria asked. “I’m selling everything. I just bought a trailer, I’m traveling to Mexico, then Central America, South America… I’ll be back in one year.” 

“Wow. I’m happy for you. I am, it’s what you’ve always wanted.”

“It is. Yeah. What do you want, Carol?”

“I don’t know. Tony is leaving, so I’m moving out, I don’t know. Chris is too far, Alex and I are not like her and Chris, so we’re not that close, I’m just existing. Maybe if we got back together, and I know we won’t, maybe I could feel like I belong.” 

“I’m sorry about that.” Carol nodded. She grabbed her things. 

“There’s something I need to do. I have to go.” She gave Maria one last kiss. “I’ll text you.”

“I’ll wait for that. I’ll stop by on my way to Mexico.” Carol nodded. She waited for the door of the apartment to be closed behind her and inside Stephen’s car she made the phone call.

“Hey, you called me. Go fuck yourself.” She smiled with the voicemail.

“Hey, it’s me. I already went, so please don’t go to New York. Please.” She hung up and made another phone call.

“Hey, you called me. Go fuck yourself.” She took a deep breath.

“I know you can see my name on your screen and you’re ignoring me, I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I said that.” he made the phone call again.

“Hey, you called me. Go fuck yourself.”

“I fucked things up, I know, but you’re my best friend and I think we should have a conversation. Please don’t go to New York, Chris.” She hung up again and started the car.

(...)

Carol stopped in a gas station to buy a bag of doritos, some M&M’s and a can of pepsi. 

She grabbed the cell phone on the passenger seat and looked at it.

(12:37) 1 new message of  Christ:

Do you know what your problem is? You never think. And you fuck things up as if a sorry at the end of the day would make things better. I’m already at the airport and I don’t think there’s something you could say to me that would make me waste a two-hundred-dollar ticket. I’m not sad and alone, Carol, you are. I just accept the things life gives me. You need to take the easiest way, in the hopes that you’ll have someone at the end to share a popcorn bucket with you and every single time the shortest way takes you to an empty bucket you come running to mine, because I always have popcorn for you. I’ll get in that plane and I’ll enjoy my flight because it cost me way too much.”

Chapter Text

“What’s going on here?” Carol asked, opening the living room door. Stephen and Tony were on the floor, sitting on the mattress they had brought to the room, laughing so much that they could feel the lack of blood in their brains.

“Tony… said…” and then Stephen started laughing again. “Sorry… he… said…” 

“I said…. We were… lungs…” And then he and Stephen started laughing again.

“Because…” and more laughter. Carol was staring at them impatient, a smile on her face, as they rolled to their sides, trying to breath.

“We… be-lung…” Stephen took a deep breath, trying to stop laughing. “Together…” and then they started laughing again.

“Okay, dumbheads, I have things to do I’ll pack my bags.” They took a deep breath and looked at each other. 

“What did you just say?” Tony asked. He looked at Stephen. "What did she just say? You just got here.”

“I have a flight to New York.” Stephen sat down, putting his weight on Tony’s thighs. 

“What?” She left to her room. “CAROL!” 

“I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE!” She yelled, getting some clean clothes and putting it in her handbag.

“Have you told mom?” Tony asked. 

“YES! SHE’S NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. WHAT WILL SHE DO? COME PICK ME UP?” Tony closed his eyes, his belly still hurting a bit from all the laughter. 

“I better call her.” Stephen nodded, letting him get up. He got up too, walking to Carol’s bedroom. He stood by the doorframe, watching her change the dirty clothes for clean ones. 

“So… You’re going after her?” She didn’t answer, as she put two pairs of jeans inside the bag, and then ran to her nightstand to get a book. “She likes you.”

“What?” Suddenly nothing else mattered. She looked at him, her book in her hand, standing in the middle of the room.

“You made her cry. She said she couldn’t lose you again.”

“Fuck.” she kept packing a little faster now. “Did you know Maria and I weren’t a possibility?”

“Yes, I’m sorry for that.”

“Why am I like this?” She said, stopping. Stephen looked at Tony, in the hallway between the bedroom and the kitchen and got in the room, closing the door behind him. 

“It’s never as easy as it seems. I had nothing to lose when I gave your brother a chance, but you and Chris have a whole life behind you two. You knew your feelings for Maria will probably never disappear completely, so you used that because it was easier than risking everything with Chris and I understand. You two are great together, as friends, but are you two great together as a couple? We don’t know that. What you knew was that you and Maria were, and if you think about it maybe you thought you were still in love with Maria because it was safer. You can’t make the same mistake twice, do you hear me?”

“Do you think your feelings for Dylan will never disappear completely?” Stephen smiled, gently.

“There were no feelings, Carol, there’s nothing to remember, nothing to reminisce.”

“I’m sorry I asked, I…”

“Hey, look at me. Don’t waste your time. Tell her the truth, tell her you’re willing to keep as friends if she doesn’t feel the same and move on.” Carol nodded.

In the hallway, Tony had his phone in his ear.

“Hey, mom!” Tony forced a smile, knowing that she wouldn’t see it.

“So, interesting thing I heard. Your sister called me, and she said your new boyfriend lent her his car so she could go to Pismo Beach after that woman, and now she’s flying to New York after Chris because she screwed up.”

“Yeah, when you put it like this…”

“You have one chance to convince me to not bring your sister back to Sandy Point.”

“Well, you love her so much why would you take her back to Sandy Point? She’s happy here, she’s going after her future, she’s going to university, what would she do in Sandy Point anyway? Climb the roof trying to connect the internet? No. You don’t want that for your daughter, do you, Maria?”

“Are you mocking me, dumbass?” They smiled.

“No, of course not. I would never, Mary. Plus, I had completely no idea that she was going to Pismo Beach, or New York, it was all Stephen’s fault, and you can try to blame him, but you’ll just love him in the end because he’s the sweetest man in the world and he’s a good friend for your daughter and he makes your son the happiest man, so you’ll totally not care about one isolated event, will you?”

“I’ll be the one to decide that.” 

“Goodbye, mother.”  Tony put the phone in his pocket and turned around, to find Stephen and Carol leaving her room.

“I’ll take her to the airport. Do you want me to bring something?” Tony shook his head. “Okay, I’ll be back in an hour.” Stephen touched his arm, giving him a kiss.

(...)

Carol knocked on her door, but no one answered, so she sat on the doormat and waited for Chris to arrive.

It took her three hours. When she saw Carol sitting on her doormat she exhaled, thinking about turning back and walking away.

“Didn’t you get my message? Or are you that dumb? I’m not your popcorn bucket anymore, Carol.”

“I know. I’m not here to eat.” Chris chuckled, unsure of what to say. 

“If Stephen said what happened after you left then I think he forgot to mention that I told him I don’t wanna be nobody’s backup plan.”

“I don’t know what happened after I left, but you’re not my backup plan, you were my first.” 

“Spare both of our time, Carol.”

“I didn’t have the courage to talk to you. I like you, I really do. Last week when we were walking on the beach I tried to tell you, but I couldn’t because I didn’t know your reaction. Maria was my backup plan. Going after her was easy because I had nothing to lose, Chris. You would never be my backup plan because we make sense and you know that.”

“I’m okay, Carol. Truly. I’m sure you had a lot of time to think about it, a lot of time to think about what you had to say, but I’m okay with being alone in New York, so you can go. You don’t need to be here to make me company.”

“I’m not here to make you company, I’m here to ask you out.”

Chapter Text

“Did you get it?” Tony exhaled, angry.

“Fuck you.” Stephen laughed. 

“It’s a lawn mower, babe, not a rocket.”

“I’m not a gardener, Stephen. I’m an actor.”

“And model, and activist, and singer, and influencer, and writer, and producer. The world knows, Tones.” Tony smiled, with the tone Stephen said that. “I swear it’s not that difficult, there’s probably a tutorial on Youtube, go watch it.”

“It will make me feel stupid.”

“Well, then take the lawn mower and walk with it along the hundred square feet garden we have.” Stephen closed his eyes for a second and opened it. It was real, and not his traumatized imagination. He parked the car in front of the office and turned the radio off, putting his cell phone on his ear. 

“Babe, I just got here. I’ll call you later.”

“Not if I’m decapitated first.”

“Too much drama even for you.” Tony smiled. “Bye.”

“Bye.” Stephen put his phone in his pocket when he realized Tony had hung up. He grabbed the keys and his bag with the laptop and a notebook and left the car, locking the doors. 

“I’m calling the police.” He said, grabbing his phone and making the call.

“Nine one one, what’s your emergency?” but Dylan grabbed the phone from his hand and turned it off. 

“Get out of my way, right now, or I’ll scream.”

“We need to talk.”

“We definitely don’t need to talk. And I swear if you get a step closer I’ll make sure you’ll never get closer again. Get out.” Stephen tried to walk away to enter the building but Dylan grabbed his arm. 

“I just wanna talk.” Stephen looked at his hand.

“Doesn’t seem like talking to me. LET ME GO.” Dylan took his hand from him, raising his hand.

“Do this for the old times.”

“There were two old times, Dylan. The first, when you spent a year humiliating me in front of our entire school just because you were too ashamed to admit your sexuality, and the second, when you hit me.”

“Do this for Sandbridge then.”

“You’re a piece of shit. Go to hell.”

“Does he know? Does your boyfriend know what you did in Sandbridge?” Stephen turned around to face him, his blood pumping so heavily he felt like he could feel it running in his veins, his heart beating fast, his hands slightly numb. 

“What the fuck do you want?”

“I want a coffee and a talk.” Stephen looked away for half a second and then nodded. He put some of the things he was holding in his pocket and threw the strap of his messenger bag over one shoulder and followed Dylan to the coffee shop across the parking lot. 

Stephen sat across from him and watched him order a coffee.

“So?” Dylan was staring at him.

“You didn’t even break up with me.”

“Do you think you deserved a break up?”

“Can you really be here, or do you need your boyfriend’s permission?”

“I’m not here to listen to this crap.” He got up, trying to leave.

“I’m sorry.” Dylan reached for Stephen’s hand. 

“What the fuck do you want, Dylan? Do you wanna hit me in public? Do you want to humiliate me? Just do it."

“I don’t know. I wanna be here with you.” Stephen scoffed. “People are right. I only recognized your importance after I lost you.”

“I won’t go back with you, if that’s what you’re hoping I do.” 

“I knew about Tony.” Dylan admitted. “I didn’t know it was him, but that first Thursday after I arrived, I knew you weren’t at work, I called there because you weren’t picking up, so Gabriel told me there was a man that would come and pick you up. That’s why I asked you to leave Los Angeles that night.”

“Wow. I’m surprised you knew I had someone else and didn’t break my face.”

“I wanted to see him with my own eyes. I was waiting for you to make a mistake. That Saturday when I woke up and you weren’t there I thought you had left the house with him, so I parked the car near your house waiting for you to arrive with him, but you were at his house.” Stephen raised his eyebrows. “How long have you been with him?”

“Seven weeks.” Dylan chuckled.

“You waited for me to travel so you could find someone, didn’t you? I literally turned my back and you were with him.”

Stephen scoffed, something about that was really funny.

“You never needed me to leave for you to cheat on me, did you? Oh, no. You did and would come to my house smelling like one of your affairs. You’re disgusting, Dylan.”

“Tony was right.” He said, ignoring the last part.

“He’s not right only when I am, but he’s better at being right than me.”

“I never appreciated you like you deserved.”

“Wow, it took you almost eight years to notice.”

“You’re here to destroy me, aren’t you?” Stephen exhaled. 

“Do you want an ending? Do you wanna listen to what I have to say?” Dylan nodded. Stephen looked down, letting his brain process everything he had to say.

“You didn’t lose me because you never had me. I was with you because I was afraid to leave, but I met someone and when we fight we work it out apologizing, with kisses, talking, and not with me being humiliated. For the first time in years Dylan I don’t feel scared of being hit when he raises his hand to me, because he only does it to tickle me, I don’t flinch anymore. I was scared of you, I’ve always been. Tony doesn’t yell at me to feel superior, yells to ask for a towel, or to call me to his house. He didn’t break my camera so I would stop doing what I love most, he gave me one and he offered me a job, because he understands how important photography is in my life. I could sit here and talk about him all day, but when I sat with his friends the only thing I said about you was ‘I have a boyfriend for seven years.’ So yeah, you and I are done and I won’t forget you. You’ll be a constant reminder in my life and Tony’s of who we can’t be as a person, how we can’t act in a relationship. If this relationship with him lasts, and even if it doesn’t, he will forever be the person who saved my life, because I hadn't noticed before him, but I don’t think I would have survived my relationship with you. I never noticed because it was so common to feel like I wanted to die, that for me it wasn’t even a bad thing. You destroyed me, broke me, hurt me physically and mentally, Dylan, to a point where death was better than being with you. You damaged me for life, and I’ll forever carry the scars you gave me. For the first time in my life being touched feels good. I never knew I would have it. I knew what we called sex wasn’t supposed to feel like that, I just never thought it was a possibility for me. Sex with you was so horrible that I didn’t know what pleasure was before him. Do you know how bad this is? I teared up the first time Tony and I had sex, because for the first time in my life I was feeling pleasure. I transcended with him touching me, I’d never felt so good in my life. I never knew sex, Dylan. You had it every other day with your Golden Gopher whores, and I spent my whole life feeling nothing but disgust. I hope you never forget what a piece of shit you are, because Tony saved me, Tony will be forever the man who showed me a relationship, and honestly? I’m not afraid of you anymore, so I’ll say this to your face. You can try to destroy me, you can tell Tony whatever you want, you can do to me whatever you want, but you will never hurt me again, and you’ll never destroy us, and god help me, but if you ever do anything to him, to his friends, to anyone around us, I will destroy my life making you suffer. This is a threat.” Stephen smiled. “See what a monster you turned me into? If you get near him I will make you pay in ways that you can’t imagine. You can tell him about Sandbridge, but I don’t want to see you again, because if I do you won’t even know what hit you. So, you and I are done, and I rather die than being touched by you again, than being kissed by you. I rather die, Dylan. Do you know what this means? Do you have any idea? I wish you nothing but light in your life, and I hope you never destroy someone else like you destroyed me.” Stephen got up. Before he could leave he stopped himself, putting his hand on the table near Dylan 

"There's something else. Do you have any idea the type os psychological torture you put me through when you mention Sandbridge? You're pure evil, Dylan, on a level that I can't even describe. Sandbridge might have been my fault, but the way you blackmail me with it? The way you make it sound like I'm an executor? You're the worst human being on Earth, Dylan. Of all torturers, dictators, extremists, of all of them, you're the most evil one. I carry the guilt of Sandbridge on my shoulders, but you made it unbearably heavy, and you were fucking there, you know what happened. You distorted your words so much that you made me believe in them, and I'll hate you for the rest of my life for that."

Stephen stepped away and grabbed his phone, noticing the missed phone call.

“Hey, babe. Is everything okay?”

“I got it!” Stephen smiled. Dylan was watching him, in silence.

“Great, you’re not that stupid.”

“Oh, shhh.”

“Don’t touch the bushes, I like them.”

“Okay. I see you later.”

“Bye. I love you.” Tony smiled, and Stephen closed his eyes.

“I love you.” Stephen hung up, reluctantly. 

“They love each other.”

“Go to hell, and please never come back. I still have a restraining order against you, stay the fucking away from us.” Stephen left the diner and walked to the office. When he walked next to his car he remembered the reason why he had had the conversation in the first place. He closed his eyes, trying to push the memory away, but the only thing he did was enter the car and put his forehead on the wheel and cry.

Sandbridge.

(...)

“TONY!” Stephen opened the door so abruptly that the door hit the dryer. “TONY?” he ran around the small house, opening the doors. “TONY?” he couldn’t find him. His left hand was shaking next to his body.

“TONY?” Tony showed up in the living room, a towel around his waist, the chest wet. 

“What happened? Babe?” Tony was worried with the way Stephen looked at him. 

“I… I killed someone.” 

Chapter Text

TW // death, drowning

Dylan got behind him and hugged his waist, both of them wearing only shorts, and smiled. Paige stopped next to them and breathed the breeze, feeling the salty air inside of her.

“Are you happy?” Stephen nodded, holding his arms. 

“I wish we could be here.” Dylan kissed his cheek. Near the three of them Jamie ran to the ocean, leaving his flip-flops, his t-shirt and his phone on the sand as he went, and they smiled as he threw himself in the water, coming back completely wet. He ran to Paige, hugging her and took her to the water with him. She laughed, as he dragged her back to the sand in his arms. 

“JAY?” Stephen yelled. “WANNA MAKE A BET?” He put Paige down, looking at Stephen.

“For you to lose it? Of course!” Stephen smiled.

“The first who stops swimming pays for dinner tonight!” Jamie laughed. Stephen gave Dylan a kiss and ran to Jamie’s side. They stretched a bit and Jay looked at Dylan and Paige before he and Stephen ran to the water.

“DYLAN? WE’RE EATING GOOD TONIGHT!” Dylan sat on the sand with Paige and they watched as Stephen and Jamie fist bumped and ran in the water to the ocean. 

It was the second year of college. Stephen and Jamie had met when college started, because Stephen had a scholarship for swimming and Jamie was part of the college’s team. 

Stephen saw him pass through him, swimming a little faster, then he looked over his shoulder and realized that it was time to pay for dinner.

“I’M OUT!” He yelled. Jay laughed, shaking his head as he swam far from Stephen. “JAY!”

Stephen watched him swim away, then Jamie stopped, turned around and laughed. 

“You’re such a loser, Strange!” He yelled, and he threw his body up, getting some impulse as he waved for Dylan and Paige. His body hit the water and he dove.

Stephen stayed there, looking to where Jamie had disappeared, and his smile faded as the time passed. Five seconds. Ten seconds. Fifteen seconds. But Jamie didn’t come back. Stephen waited for Jamie to grab his legs as he used to do, but it didn't happen.

"JAMIE?" Stephen looked at Dylan and Paige, and the two of them got up, noticing something was wrong. "JAMIE?"

"NO!" Dylan grabbed her arm, stopping her from running to the ocean. "LET ME GO, DYLAN, LET ME GO!" She hit him in the chest, trying to make him let go of her arm. 

Stephen looked at the ocean again, waiting for Jay to come back. 

"JAMIE THAT'S NOT FUNNY!" Stephen looked down and swam in the same place, trying to look for him, and then he looked at the beach again. 

He started swimming again, further and further from the shore, and then he dove where he thought Jamie had dove, his eyes opened under the dark water.

"STEPHEN DON'T." Stephen couldn't hear him, because he was too far. He came back to the surface desperate, trying to look for Jay again, and then he filled his lungs with air and dove again. "STEPHEN"

Dylan was hugging Paige against his chest with one arm and he used the other to make the phone call.

"911 what's your emergency?" 

"My boyfriend and my best friend are in the ocean. They disappeared."

(...)

"I… I killed someone." Tony was looking at him, and then he turned his back, went to his room, put some clothes on and went back to the living room and sat on the couch with Stephen.

"What are you talking about?" 

"Sandbridge." He had already started, hadn't he? There was no coming back now.

He faced the floor, his hands together, his elbows on his tights. Tony reached for his hands, but Stephen shrugged, bringing them close to his chest, away from Tony's hands. 

"What happened?" Stephen didn't look at him.

"We were friends. We used to make bets everywhere, you know? In the ocean, in the lake, in the swimming pool. He was the best swimmer on the team, I knew that, but we would make bets anyway just for the fun of it. We went to Sandbridge in Virginia for the weekend. Me, Dylan, his girlfriend Paige and him. It was early, too early, so the beach was empty. Dylan and Paige stayed on the beach and we got it. Whoever stopped first would pay for dinner. I felt like I would lose. We warmed up and got in. I swam for half a mile, I knew I could go further, but we were already out of the permitted zone and I considered the way back, so I gave up. But he kept going. He stopped I think fifty feet from me, called me a loser" Stephen scoffed. "It was our thing. 'you're a loser, Stephen, how could you stop?' 'you're a loser, Jay, you failed your calculus test' and then he got some impulse, waved at them and then he dove. That was the last time I saw him alive. He was right there, Tony. Right there. I remember seeing Paige try to run to the water, she barely knew how to swim, and I just stayed there and I tried, I tried to look for him everywhere. I dove, and dove, and dove and I found nothing. I swam for ten minutes non-stop, diving, getting further and further from the beach, and then the rescue team arrived and took me back to the beach. I didn't want to. I needed to stay there. I had to look for him. I asked the man. I need to be here. I can help you. I need to find him. But they took me from there. They found his body a mile south from there an hour later. He didn't find support. That was what they told us. We had five meters of water under us, so when he got the impulse to wave at them and dove he couldn't find anything to get the impulse back. That was the stupidest thing I've heard. How could he not find support? That's not a thing."

"And you think you killed him." Tony said. Stephen couldn't look at him. He was staring at his feet, his head down, tears running down his face. "Babe, look at me."

"Why couldn't I help him, Tony?" And when he looked at Tony, Tony broke a little. Stephen was heartbroken, a sadness in his eyes that Tony had never seen before. Never. Nobody in his life had ever looked that sad. "I was supposed to help him, but I didn't."

"Why didn't you?" Stephen was confused for a second. 

"What?"

“Why didn’t you help him?” Stephen still looked confused.

“I couldn’t find him. I looked for him everywhere, I swear, I tried everything, I felt like giving up so many times, but I couldn’t, could I? I had to help him.”

“Don’t you think you should have tried a little harder?” Tony wanted to punch himself. He knew what he was doing, obviously, but that was probably the most stupid thing he had ever said.

“I did everything I could. How can you… I did everything I could, Tony, everything, I- I couldn’t see underwater, I couldn’t find him.”

“That’s it?”

“What the fuck do you want from me? What was I supposed to do?” Stephen’s body shrugged, as far from Tony as possible. Tony got up. 

“I don’t know, Stephen, you tell me. What were you supposed to do?” Tony was standing in front of the couch, looking at him, and that was when Stephen felt smaller. 

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. What could I have done?”

“Would you save him if you found him?”

“Of course, what kind of question…”

“Would you keep looking for him if the rescue team hadn’t arrived?”

“Yes.”

“Would you have brought him back to the beach? Would you have dove more if it was visible? Would you invite him to go with you if you knew what was about to happen?”

“Yes, obviously and no.” Tony nodded, looking at the wall. “Why are you doing this?”

“Why didn’t you save him, Stephen?”

“BECAUSE I COULDN’T!” Stephen yelled, his face wet from tears, his nose running, his voice trembling. “I COULDN’T. STOP DOING THIS. I COULDN’T. I COULDN’T SAVE HIM. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? I COULDN’T SAVE HIM. I COULDN’T." and Tony knew he had to stop. He knew he had what he needed to convince Stephen.

“It’s not your fault, babe.” Tony kneeled in front of him. “If you couldn’t save him it’s not your fault. It’s not.” Tony tried to hug him, his arms around Stephen, stretching his body so Stephen’s head could be under his chin. “Stephen, look at me.”

The man did it. “You are a good person, my love. You’re an amazing person. It was not your fault. It could never have been your fault. It never has. He was your friend and he died, but it was not your fault, because if you could have saved him you would, and that says a lot about your heart.”

“I could have…”

“What, Stephen? You just told me. You just said there was nothing you could have done. How could you have saved him?”

“I don’t know. I couldn’t save him.” Stephen’s body shrugged as he started crying again. Tony got up, putting himself between Stephen’s legs and hugged his head. 

“Babe, it’s not your fault. There was nothing you could have done.” 

“You don’t know that. You weren’t there.” Tony nodded. 

“Were you?”

“Yes.”

“Then what could you have done?” Stephen shook his head. “Stephen, you’re not a killer, you’re a good person with a heavy past. You’re not a killer. I always know what I’m talking about, remember?” He touched Stephen’s face, whipping away his tears. “I love you, you’re a good person, my love. Don’t you ever doubt that. You did what you could, that doesn’t make you a killer, that makes you a hero.” Tony gave him a gentle kiss, hugging him again.

“Thank you for loving me.” Stephen whispered. 

“The pleasure is mine, babe.” Stephen took a deep breath, his eyes closed, Tony’s heartbeats against his ear. “All mine.”

Chapter Text

“TONY!” Tony smiled, the dish towel in his hand, trying to hit Stephen’s butt with it. “Stop!”

“Fine. Where are you going tonight and why is this place more important than me?”

“Scott needs my help.”

“Of course he does. Man can’t do shit by himself.”

“I’ll be back at seven, do you need anything from the street?”

“Nah, I’ll just walk around the promenade and think about our dinner.” Stephen nodded. He grabbed the dish cloth from Tony’s hand and hit him with it. Smiling. 

“You’ll pay for it.” Stephen smiled.

“I certainly hope so.” He said, and pinched Tony’s butt. Tony shook his head, and Stephen left through the kitchen door. He grabbed his phone and exhaled, looking at the address. It was time.

He changed his clothes, grabbed his wallet and left, getting in the car.

“Hey, asshole.” Scott said, as he picked up. “Are you ready?”

“I’m on my way. If Tony calls…”

“You’re helping me fix the computer. I know. It was my idea, remember? Take a picture of it for me.”

“I don’t think I’m allowed to take pictures of that.” Stephen said, driving away from Ocean Park. “I’ll be there in one hour, I have something to do first.”

“Hope also knows what you’re doing just in case Tony asks. Also because she’ll totally ask where I was and I don’t like to lie to my girlfriend.”

“Are you implying something, Lang?”

“Obviously not. I just hope you’re good at keeping secrets.” Stephen chuckled.

“I’m the best. Don’t let Hope tell Tony. I’ll see you on Saturday.”

“Bye. I love you!” Stephen smiled as Scott hung up. He made another phone call.

“Stephen!” 

“Hey. I’ve decided. The answer is yes.”

“I’ll wait for you.”

“Okay. I’ll meet you in one hour?”

“I’ll wait for you by the gates. Bring a pen.” Stephen hung up and took a deep breath. He took Santa Monica Boulevard and stopped at the Montblanc store on Beverly Boulevard and bought a three-hundred-dollar pen just for that, and then he took the Hollywood Freeway up to Studio City. 

Someone was waiting for him by the gate, with a parking permit. 

“It’s good to see you’ve changed your mind.”

“I still have a few things to work out, do you think you can keep this a secret?”

“Don’t worry, Tony won’t know what hit him.”

(...)

Stephen left the building.

“Hey!” He answered, when he noticed who was calling. “Where have you been? We haven’t seen you in ages.”

“Here and there. Tony told you, didn’t he?”

“I’m sorry about that, James. Where have you been staying?”

“At Thor’s. Actually, I have to talk to you two. Can I come over?”

“Sure. I’m a little caught up right now, but he’s probably back home.”

“Okay, thank you.” 

“Anything you need.” Rhodey smiled and hung up. Stephen stopped in Hollywood on his way back home, looking for dinner, and then he stopped in Beverly Groove to buy Tony’s favorite pie, then he went back home.

He opened the door holding the bags in his arms, and a leather box with a pen in his hand. Tony and Rhodey were in the living room talking. They walked to the kitchen when he got in.

“This is for you.” He gave Tony a peck on the lips and the bag with the limoncello pie. Tony smiled, as he got the black box from the bag, knowing exactly what that was.

“Oh, you’re clearly the love of my life.” Stephen smiled. Tony put the pie in the freezer and unpacked the rest of their dinner, noticing the small box on the counter. 

“That’s expensive as fuck.” Stephen smiled. “Why?”

“Well, why not?” Stephen looked at Rhodey. “Do you wanna stay for dinner?”

“I can’t. I just… I have something to say to both of you.” they nodded, waiting for him to continue. “I know Stephen had every reason in the world to hate me, and Tony had every reason in the world to hate me, and I apologize for anything I may have done to get in the way of you two, it was never my intention. Tony, you’re one of my best friends, you’re my partner in crime, literally, and you have a special place in my heart, you know that. I never meant to make your life difficult, I'm sorry.” Tony smiled at him. “Stephen, if anyone is more deserving of having Tony Stark as a boyfriend this person is you. It warms my heart the way you make him happy. As happy as he deserves and I’ll be forever thankful, you’re a great friend and clearly an amazing boyfriend so thank you, and good luck, because this man... I just I wish you all the best. You're he kindest person and apparently the most amazing boyfriend, so, yeah.” Tony touched his back. “Tony is more than lucky for having you, don’t forget that.” Stephen nodded, Tony’s hands moving up and down Stephen's back. “I appreciate the help, I got a few phone calls from people trying to give me a job, but I’ve decided that I’m going back to Sandy Point.”

“You don’t have to go. We can work something out. You can call those people back, you can stay here…”

“Guys. I can’t be here. I can’t… I’m happy for you, I am, and you two will forever be my favorite couple, but I need to take some time for myself. I need to clear my head, I need some time off. You know how I am.” Tony nodded. “I appreciate the help, and everything you two have done for me.” 

“When is your flight?”

“In two days. I’ll stay with Thor in the meantime.” Tony reached for him and gave him a hug. 

“Thank you.” Rhodey smiled and gave Tony a kiss on the cheek, and then he hugged Stephen.

“Take care of him. He needs you more than you think.” Stephen nodded. 

“I’ll miss you.” Stephen said, as Rhodey undid the hug. He waved at them and left the kitchen, leaving. Stephen and Tony looked at each other.

“I think it will be better for him.”

“I don’t know, Tony. You’re the pride of Sandy Point, he won’t forget you, he’ll just be alone.”

“Yeah, but there he can try to find himself again, Steph. Rhodey is a grown man, he’ll be fine. Dessert?”

He went to the fridge, getting the limoncello pie and two spoons.

“We haven’t eaten dinner.”

“Dinner won’t run away. It can wait.” He opened the box getting the pie. “I have a question.”

“Okay. I’m ready.”

“Scott lives in Mar Vista, right?”

“Yes.”

“And you went to his house to help him with his computer.” Stephen nodded. “But you also drove all the way to Beverly Grove, thirty minutes away from his house just for pie?” Stephen opened his mouth.

“Why not?” Tony nodded. He put another spoon of pie in his mouth and got up. 

“So, you went to Scott’s house for three hours to fix his computer, drove to Beverly Grove just to buy pie, drove even further to buy dinner in Hollywood at Rao’s, and then you stopped at a Montblanc store to buy a five-hundred-dollar pen, and then you drove back to Santa Monica?”

“What are you insinuating, Tony? Where are you going with this?” 

“Who? Me? Oh, nowhere. I just think it’s interesting.”

“Why don’t you say what you have to say?”

“I have nothing to say, I just don’t understand, I mean, do you think I’m stupid?” Stephen scoffed. “What?”

“Nothing. I’m trying to decide who you are. I mean, who are you? Are you Tony Stark the man who thinks I’m cheating on him when he promised he wouldn’t use the first weeks of our relationship against me? Are you Tony Stark the only person in the world capable of thinking of someone else? I mean, why can’t I just do something nice for you? Why can’t you accept that I’m doing something thinking of you? Why can’t I drive thirty minutes to buy what you like? We drive to West Los Angeles for pizza every other week, why the fuck can’t I? You know what? I’m not gonna ruin this, I won’t tell you what I did and where I went. Scott knows, and he’s your friend for longer, so if I were doing something bad, something that would hurt you don’t you think he would have said something? Also, how dare you think I would ever do something that would hurt you, Tony?” Tony was in silence. “I’m not telling you, I won’t ruin a month planning this by telling you just because you don’t think you can trust me. You’ll have to wait and see, so it’s your chance to decide. Do you trust me, Tony, or do I have to ruin everything Scott and I have been planning for you because you’re an idiot?”

“I’m sorry. I am an idiot, I didn’t mean…”

“You know what? Enjoy your pie. I’ll see you in the morning, I can’t be here right now.” 

(...)

When Tony opened the bedroom door, Stephen was inside, emptying his closet on his bed, pilling his clothes up, about to start stress-cleaning again. 

“I’m sorry.”

“No, you have every right to not trust me. I felt this was going to happen and I did it anyway, so this is my fault.”

“Stephen, come on, I didn’t mean to…”

“I don’t wanna be with you, Tony. It won’t work, I can’t be with you. You clearly don’t trust me and I don’t want you to be in a relationship just because you think you owe me something, whatever that is.”

“What are you talking about? Stephen?” He kept walking around, bringing clothes to the bed and then walking to the closet again. “Stephen! Fucking look at me and say that to my face.”

“Say what to your face, Tony? I don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t have to be here if you don’t trust me, you know? London is in three weeks, we can part ways now, or in three weeks, it’s up to you. You’re not coming back, anyway.” Tony had his mouth open. “Oh, what happened? Did I say something you didn’t know I knew? Did you really think I was that stupid? I know you’re not coming back, Tony, why would you put Hope to live in your house if you were coming back? She wouldn’t have to come if you were staying in London just for three months.”

“I wasn’t coming back, no. It wasn’t my intention. I… thought about it, there are a few things I could do in London after the movie, but I changed my mind.”

“When? Ten seconds ago?”

“Last month. I found a house on Beverly Glen Boulevard. Hope’s been helping me with the paperwork, I got it. It’s a one-bedroom house, I know you like Santa Monica and I love it too, but it’s halfway to the studio and halfway to your job.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I bought us a house on the hill. I bought a house for us to live in, together, once I come back from London. I signed the contract already. There are french doors in the bedroom, there’s an office for you, the kitchen is not as big as yours, but you don’t cook anyway. So, I’ll say this. Whatever you’re doing with Scott, I trust you, completely, I’m sorry I thought you were hiding something from me, it wasn’t fair. I trust you and I know it’s still too soon but by the time I come back from London it won’t be, so after we survive London I want you to move to eight-seventy-five Beverly Glen Boulevard in Bel Air with me.” Stephen was looking at him, his mouth open. “You’re right, I owe you something. I owe you everything I have, Stephen. I owe you my career, my happiness, I owe you everything and you weren’t even here six months ago, so everything that I have I owe you, because nothing of it was important and nothing meant something before you. So, you can stay here with Hope if you want, you can move to the house with me, you can do whatever you want, but there’s a house twenty-three minutes away from Geometria and twenty-five minutes away from Studio City, which means more time for each other, so whatever you decide I’ll accept, because you own me completely and there’s nothing I can do to change that anymore, I don’t want to either.” 

Chapter Text

The house in the front, with the two bedrooms and a bathroom window so low that people could see you naked as you showered had been empty for a while. The only things that remained were the dryer and the washing machine in the kitchen, behind the door, and a lawn mower in the closet in the living room. 

Tony’s things were halfway across the Atlantic, half of it, at least. 

The house in the back, with the fireplace, the master bedroom big enough to fit seven people, and the office had been full. Everything remained, untouched. The grey couch that Stephen used to hate, and then Tony loved, which made Stephen love it was in the exact same place it had been for months. 

The office remained the same. Maybe a few blankets less inside the closet, where Stephen hid a camera for an entire month that summer. Less blankets, for sure, but everything else was still there. 

The bedroom had got a fresh coat of paint. What was yellow now it was dark green, and Stephen kind of liked it, if he was being honest.

Stephen had woken up alone that Sunday morning. He could hear his steps as he walked through the hallway to the enormous kitchen he had used only once or twice with Tony in those three months they had been together. The kitchen. The very same kitchen where he had thrown his shirt in the sink on that first day, because of Tony’s smell.

Maybe it was then when he knew. Maybe it was in the moment he threw his shirt in the kitchen sink when he decided that Tony should stick around, that he should do anything in his power to make him stay. It was probably then.

He opened the cupboard to find the two boxes of cereal. Berries and Granola. 

"Do you want some?" He offered the box with the granola cereal to the man behind the counter. He shook his head. 

"Who eats that, anyway?" Stephen heard in return, as he put the box back in the cupboard. He did.

He grabbed a bowl and the milk in the fridge and stopped by the counter, across from him. 

“I told Hope, I said to her. I said babe, if you don’t make that phone call I swear to god we will be here for the rest of the night. And then she finally…” Stephen was staring at the counter. 

“Stephen?” He looked up, to Scott on the other side, a cup of coffee in one hand, talking non-stop about the night he and Hope had got stuck in the walmart parking lot in San Fernando Valley. “Dude, what’s wrong?”

Stephen shook his head.

“I’m thinking.”

“Are you having second thoughts? Because I swear to god you better have them now, and not in two hours when everything is over.” Stephen smiled.

“This place never felt like home, did you know that? And then he arrived, and I slept on his chest completely unaware of what was about to happen.” Scott smiled, getting up.

“Come on, we have work to do.” The living room door was opened and Stephen looked up, hopeful for a second, but then Hope got in with Donna. 

“Donna said that she’s paying for the pizza tonight.” Stephen faked a smile. “Geez, I just walked into a funeral. What the fuck is happening in here?”

“I am not paying for the pizza tonight.” Donna said. “Little brother, I am pretty sure my couch will love your cushions, so I’m taking them. You won’t need them, anyway.”

The front gate was opened. People got in and out of 1233, Ocean Park carrying boxes as he walked through it. Nat was standing next to the bushes in the garden, a paper in her hands, as she watched the boxes being carried away.

“Who’s moving out?” She looked at him and smiled.

“Twelve thirty-five.” he raised his eyebrows, and got in the house. 

“Guys, come on! Scott was supposed to be on his way right now. I can’t do this.” Scott and Hope stopped and let go of the coat they were holding, fighting for it, trying to convince Stephen that they were more deserving of keeping it than the other.

“So, you’re moving.” Stephen looked back, to Tony standing by the door. “What happened to Hope?”

“So, Hope is staying.” Hope said, looking at him. “With Scott on Ocean Park. This shit is ours now.” Stephen shook his head.

“You two are moving here?” Stephen nodded.

“I’m moving to one-oh-four Bayswater Road.” Tony nodded, unsure of what to say.

“We finished yesterday. Pepper and I, so I thought maybe you’d want to go out for lunch, but you’re busy moving to one-oh-four bay… what?”

“Bayswater Road. I picked it up. It was my idea.” Scott said, proud. “He can go. We’ll finish here.” 

Stephen nodded. He went to his room, grabbed a jacket and left. 

“I’m Donna, by the way. It’s nice to meet you, Tony.” She touched his face. “God, so perfect. Make-up team certainly doesn’t have shit to do with you.” Tony smiled. 

Not a single word was said about moving out. They had lunch together, Stephen talked about the website he was supposed to hand in in three days and Tony listened. When Stephen was finished they talked about London, about Tony's expectations, places he thought about visiting around Europe, and Stephen asked him his schedule for the movie.

“We’ll start on Tuesday. Every day for ten days and then three days off and other fifteen of shooting and from then god only knows.”

“Have you memorized your script?” Tony shrugged. “Have you met Daniels?’

“Yeah. We video chatted a few times. I have to go.” Tony got up, giving him a long hug. “I see you in a month.” 

“I see you in a month, Tony.” Tony gave him a long peck on the lips and left him standing there. He had a plane to catch. 

Tony heard the phone ring on his way to the bedroom. He had just left the shower, a towel around his waist.

“Hey, babe.” he answered excited. “How are you? How was your day? What time is it for you?”

“Exhausting. I’m alright, and it’s late. Are you in your bedroom?”

“Yeah. I just got here. You’d love London, it’s great.” Stephen smiled. “How’s moving going?”

“I’ve finished. There’s something else I have to do first.” Tony nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I wanted to, but it was part of my secret with Scott.”

“It’s okay, Stephen, you taught me we’re not the same person, didn’t you? We’re allowed to have secrets.” Tony turned around when the doorbell of his bedroom rang. “I wish you had shown me, though. Wait, I’ll be right back.” Stephen nodded. Tony opened the door to find Stephen standing by his door.

“I still can show you, if you want.” Stephen said, his phone away from his ear. “Hi.” 

Tony chuckled, surprised. 

“So, I got a new job as well.” Tony pulled him closer, giving him a kiss. “I’m the new-”

“Photography assistant." Stephen smiled, Tony hugging him as tight as possible.

“I moved my things to eight-seventy-five Beverly Glen Boulevard, I hope you don’t mind, and I’ll be in the room two oh seven every day for the next three months. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Scott and I thought that maybe we should surprise you, you know, and I wanted to tell you. The day I was supposed to fix Scott's computer? I met Pepper in Studio City and signed my contract, and that was why I had bought the pen, and you were not supposed to be home yesterday, because I wanted to completely surprise you. I didn't mean to hurt you, or hide things from you.”

“Shut up, babe, please.” Stephen nodded. Tony spinned around, Stephen in his arms and closed the door behind him. It didn’t work. They hit the wall loudly, which made them laugh. 

“Are you okay?” Stephen nodded, kissing him and putting Tony against the other wall. 

"Thank you for saving my life." He breathed, their lips almost touching. 

"Thank you for loving me." Tony said, kissing him again.