Chapter Text
Phainon, in his grown age of twenty-nine, responding eagerly about Mydei's egging but only to back off at the last minute, is an experience that he willingly buries in the recesses of his mind, never to be unearthed again.
Rationality has never been his strongest suit, that he admits. If you tell him to jump, he'd ask high. If you confess to him you'd accidentally murdered someone, he'd tell you everybody makes mistakes. Tell him that his long-time crush actually may have reciprocated his pathetic feelings and he would tell you, straight up in the face, that you had gone crazy.
It's not for lack of self-confidence nor is Phainon selling himself short—he knows he's hot, handsome, words that get parroted by people like seagulls whenever he walks into a room. He also knows that his brain is in his head and not in his dick, hence why he could talk in whatever kind of conversation you throw him in.
But it's Anaxa he's talking about. Simple adjectives like gorgeous and smart wouldn't even scratch the surface of his being. The mere awareness of his existence blooms litanies in Phainon's mind, a devotee who thinks of him first thing in the morning and before sleep could take him. But even that isn't enough. Phainon continues to worship him by having the man occupy his mind every tick of time and hoping that his beauty would come haunting him too in his dreams.
It's horrifying. This devotion scares him and it's his own feelings that he's talking about. What more would Anaxa feel if he discovers this addiction that Phainon is harboring? He dreads it.
So, of course, Phainon backs out. If only his friends let him.
He should've known that his feelings would be the headliner when Castorice and Hyacine contacted him to meet up. Like obviously, how did the three of them even know each other? By sharing the same class years ago, supervised by—you guessed it—the professor Phainon had been pining for. Thereon, it wasn't really hard to connect the dots. But for Phainon, it was.
"I am telling you," Hyacine points a finger at him, "As your then fellow TA, who was subjected by the fumes of homoerotic tension you both were exuding, that you. Should just. Bone him."
"Hyacine—" Phainon hisses, "That slippery mouth of yours. Is it the alcohol? It must be the alcohol, right?" Phainon inquires to Castorice as he moves Hyacine's glass away.
Castorice only distractedly hums while her right hand is flying away on that notepad of hers, writing like she's running out of time. Should Phainon question why Castorice has a notepad out inside a club? He probably should, but Hyacine is still running her mouth off and Phainon is terrified of what she's saying in a public setting despite Flo Rida's Low breaking everyone's eardrums.
"You don't even know what I've been through," Hyacine sobs before a hiccup abrupt it, "I just wanted to finish my Masters but I have to be subjected to a gay, afternoon telenovela that will never end, everyday!"
Phainon's jaw drops, "You're exaggerating! I wasn't even flirting with him every time we're in his office. The majority of my time was spent inquiring about my thesis!"
"You flirted with him about the principle of sufficient reason for hours—"
"I debated," Phainon interjects, "It's an academic pursuit!"
"—and I didn't even know you could say Descartes' name in a very, homosexual way!"
"Interesting," Castorice pipes in, "In what way was it homosexual?"
"Why are you even asking this?" Phainon complains.
Castorice blinks, "Academic pursuit."
"Don't believe her. She's imagining things." Phainon snaps his fingers in front of Hyacine, "Wake up, Hyacine! It's the alcohol talking!"
Hyacine bats his hand away, "I know what I observed, Phainon!"
"Quine says that knowledge cannot be reduced to our sensory experiences." Phainon wags a finger at her, "Hence why your observation is disproved."
"To be fair," Castorice adds, eyes still on her notepad, "He also said in the same line, that knowledge is complex. That it's interwoven with each other in a way that what we believe may change whenever we learn something new."
"Exactly!" Hyacine exclaims.
Phainon scrunched his eyebrows,"Yes, he did. So—"
"So," Castorice turns her gaze at Phainon, "You may have thought that what you and Prof. Anaxa had was mere friendship, but what we thought and saw were two people who had feelings for each other. Why can't you believe that?"
Phainon remained on his seat, stunned, while Hyacine stood up and gave Castorice an applause.
"Well—" Phainon shakes his head, "Okay. Wow. I don't even know what to say to that."
"Because in some way, you already believe in it. You wouldn't be inquiring about Mydei's opinion about it if you weren't at least hoping," Castorice says.
"Mydei told you about what happened?" Phainon looks at Castorice, who shrugs in response, "That snitch."
"That's why you should confront Prof. about it." Hyacine shakes her head when Phainon was about to refute her, "It doesn't matter if he doesn't like you anymore—which I doubt—but it's the principle of the thing. A closure if you would."
Phainon raises his hands, "Alright, I will ask him about it."
Hyacine claps her hands together in a prayer stance, "God is real."
"I'm so proud of you," Castorice says with a small smile on her face, but was once again busy with her notepad.
"You could've looked at me while saying that," Phainon sighs, "What are you even writing? Minutes of the meeting?"
"It's ideas for her fiction about you and Prof. Anaxa," Hyacine hiccups, her hand occupied by the glass of alcohol Phainon took a while ago.
"Hyacine!" Castorice hisses.
"What?!" Phainon exclaims, before taking the glass away from Hyacine. "Is it real?!"
"Don't believe her," Castorice's chuckles are stunted, "She's imagining things."
"She even has Prof. Anaxa proofread it for her," Hyacine drones on.
"I wanna see," Phainon turns his inquiring eyes towards Castorice only to see the latter with closed eyes, "As one of the inspirations, I have the right to see!"
Castorice sighs, before fishing for her phone. Her hands busies away on the screen for a minute before she slowly hands it towards Phainon's way.
Phainon reaches out but Castorice takes her hand back at the same time.
"I didn't use your real names," Castorice clarifies.
"Okay," Phainon nods, "Now, let me see."
"And it might've been based on real events, but—!"
"Cas, it's okay. If Prof. Anaxa is fine with it, then so am I."
Castorice breathes out. "Alright," she says, before finally handing her phone.
Phainon's not mad, he's curious and wants to know just how Castorice sees him in his pining. It couldn't be that bad if Professor Anaxa could tolerate it, right?
Phainon's jaw slowly drops. My Professor can't possibly be this shy ??? Sixty-seven chapters with three-hundred thousand words written??? Peter and his Professor Alex???
Phainon scrolls and reads an excerpt;
"Yes. You are a student I take great pride in," said Professor Alex, crimson tainting his cheeks, "I've been considering this for some time."
"Professor..."
Phainon reads the next passage aloud, "Let me understand, your thoughts, your research, your everything?!"
Castorice covers her face and squeals on her palms, "I'm so sorry!"
"Anaxa reads this?!"
Hyacine sleepily nods, "He's very supportive. He even leaves comments."
Phainon gasps, "Comments?!"
r/confessions • 34 mins. ago
snowyyskyy
i just realized that my crush may have had feelings with me and i also discovered he's reading fiction about us
I (29, M) have been pining over a professor (33, M) of mine for, probably five years now. For context, I took my master's when I was 24 and that is where I met him. I applied as a TA not specifically for him but I was assigned to him probably because my thesis back then is close to what he's teaching.
anyway, long story short, our constant debates made me develop feelings hahaha and he's also gorgeous so I didn't really stand a chance. I've finished my Master's 4 years ago already and I've rarely contacted him nowadays but for the whole two years I've spent there, I was lowkey flirting with him but I didn't really expect it to result in anything since i know it's one sided.
or so I thought.
one random night, i remembered one interaction with him and just realized that he was flirting with me. FOR REAL. I've asked my friends about it and they all agreed and that got me thinking about all our interactions and, let's just say that I've been blind.
I regret it now, obviously. missed opportunities and whatnot. but i didn't want to just go randomly meet him and go "crazy thing happened! i realized you like/d me too!"
that's where the fiction thing happened.
i discovered that my friend had been writing fiction about me & the professor and some of the scenes were based on our real interactions and i was blinded by how… gay… we actually were… AND HE'S READING IT. THE VERY FICTION BASED OFF OF US. HE EVEN LEAVES COMMENTS AND IS UPDATED TO THE STORY.
WHAT DOES RHIS ALL MEAN SOMEONE HELP ME
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godoftrashtelle • 20 mins. ago
are u dumb
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bellethon • 15 mins. ago
title of your friend's work?
⬆️ 320 ⬇️ 💬 Comment ⤴️
lumine_ate • 5 mins. ago
what are you doing on reddit dot com instead of being beside the love of your life rn ????
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