Chapter Text
“Master I didn’t mean to betray you” his arms were quivering in fear, as he was on his hands and knees in front of his master. He was a fool to believe that he could escape, escape and be with someone he loves. Poor Sebastian, he doesn't know what he did with him. After he saw him hurt him, he grabbed him and threw him into a ‘punishment’ chamber. The chamber that makes his skin crawl, the chamber he has learned to fear. He knew he was in big trouble when he didn’t get sent to Godey, and instead Cazador punishes him. He saw Cazador crouch down, making him flinch in fear. He felt his hand squeeze both sides of his face hard, feeling him clench his jaw.
“Why of course you did, my dear. Tell me the truth now” he wanted to not tell him, but he knew he would get the truth out of him eventually. “I was running away, but I didn’t mean to master. He convinced me” he hated lying about Sebastian, he wanted to run as well. He will say anything to make him stop, but he knows that never worked in the past. “Oh, did he now? Well not to worry, I took care of him for us” the tears welled in his eyes, he didn't want to know what he could possibly mean by that. “Oh I also told him that this was all a set up. All for you to bring him to me” he didn’t respond, he knows Cazador is trying to get under his skin.
“I wonder what kind of punishment this deserves” he tapped his finger on the side of his face, making him jump every touch. He got shoved against the ground, sliding across the concrete. He yelled in pain, knowing this is just the beginning. “Strip” he stared up at Cazador, watching his every move. He hesitated “now!” he jumped at his voice, before fully stripping his clothes. He felt the cold of the concrete on his body, avoiding eye contact with him. “My beautiful little spawn” he felt humiliated, every time he has had to do this. “Bed now” he looked over at the bed Cazador was pointing at. Panic set in, his skin starting to crawl. “Please master. I won’t do it again. I promise” he pleaded at his feet, he knew what was going to happen next.
“You will please me tonight, will you?” he couldn’t stop from crying, choking on his own words “yes master” he got up, walking over to the bed.
He sat by the fire, trying to think straight. It’s been a couple days since he confessed to Astarion about his feelings, and he’s been a wreck since. Part of him hated that he even admitted it, because they’re no longer talking again. He doesn’t know when the end will be near for him, and he thinks maybe he could’ve waited. Maybe then he could just pretend everything is okay between them, even at a distance. He thought confessing could maybe change something, and he was a fool to think so. He warmed his hands by the fire, listening to the eerie silence of the Shadowcursed lands.
He heard a yell, which made him jump and turn around. The noise came from Astarion’s tent, he stared at the tent for a moment. He heard another yell, followed by the rustling of his tent. He got up and rushed to his tent, knowing he was having another nightmare. He walked into Astarion thrashing around on his bed roll, he kneeled down next to him. “Wake up Astarion, you’re having a nightmare” he shook him to find no success, he wondered if that ever worked. He can tell it is a bad one, he can see the cold sweat drip down Astarion’s face.
He wants to try and help, even if it was a bad decision. He thought about grabbing Halsin, but then he remembers that he’s in Last Light Inn trying to figure out the shadow curse. “One…two…three” he sees Astarion jerk even more, tearing streaming down his face. The only thing he could think of was picking up Astarion, and holding him in his arms. He held on, feeling him jerk around in his arms. “You’re safe now” he laid his head between his neck and shoulder, trying to comfort him. He smelled Astarion’s scent, the same red berry he loves. “Five…” he’s doing the same counting he did last time, he doesn’t understand why.
He finally picked up on some things, but he will never truly know because Astarion never told him. “No! No please! I’ll be good” he held him tighter, tears forming on his face. He buried Astarion’s face deeper in his neck “it'll be okay. I’m here” the jerking has gotten softer, which makes him have hope that whatever he is doing is working. “I’m here” he held the back of his head, feeling the curls in between his fingers. He felt his body fall still, his breathing slowly go back to normal. He couldn’t stop, finally letting his emotions out after the situation. He cried, holding Astarion in his arms.
He slowly laid down, laying next to him. He still held him in his arms, watching him sleep. He remembers the night when he slept next to him, and he recalled Astarion saying it was the best sleep he had in a while. He thinks he can just be here to help him, and he will leave in the morning. He looked at Asartion, wiping the tears that were stained on his face. He knows what he’s doing isn’t helping himself, it’s already worse that he knows he doesn’t feel the same. Still at this moment, this feels nice. He held him closer, he motioned and put the nightlight he did in his tent before. He drifted asleep, holding him in his arms.
He opened his eyes, feeling the warmth around him. It felt so nice, feeling it against his cold skin. He was about to drift back asleep, until he finally realized why he was feeling warmth. “Gale?” he said it low enough to not wake him up. He looked up seeing Gale resting peacefully, with an arm wrapped around him. He figures he must’ve had a night terror, and that’s why he is here. He was about to wake Gale up, but it felt nice to be wrapped up around him. He snuggled closer to him, careful not to wake him up. He looked up seeing the stars that Gale put as a nightlight, and it made him think.
There’s so many things that Gale put up with, yet he is still here. He wished he was different, maybe then he can love Gale the way he wants to. He’s not so sure he was even capable of love, will he even be good enough for it? He thinks about what it could be like if he wasn’t so different. Even not being a vampire, just being able to love Gale with zero consequences. Then again if he wasn’t a vampire he would’ve died two hundred years ago, and he would’ve never stumbled upon Gale.
Maybe just tonight he can be in the moment, giving into his fantasies. He leaned into the warmth looking up at Gale’s face, peacefully asleep. He lifted up his head, kissing Gale on the cheek. He whispered softly, making sure Gale would never hear or wake up “I love you too”. He drifted back to sleep in Gale’s arms. He woke up feeling the cold, opening to see light coming through the tent. He sat up, seeing that he was the only one in his tent.
Halsin was preoccupied with the curse, so Gale has been the one helping Astarion with his night terrors, and every night he just falls asleep with him. It’s been rather nice, except for seeing Astarion in such a state. It never gets easier seeing him in distress, and he wishes he could take the pain all away. He still doesn’t know to the extent of what happened, and maybe he will never know. That doesn’t matter though, he just wants to make sure he’s happy. Maybe that’s stupid of him to do, because that didn’t work well when he was with Mystra.
That relationship was entirely different though, hanging out with Astarion made him realize how horrible his relationship with Mystra actually was. Even with him and Astarion’s connection being somewhat strenuous, it was never like it was with Mystra. He felt like he had to be a completely different person with her, sometimes he almost didn’t recognize himself with her. With Astarion it feels…natural, like he can just be himself and never have to deal with judgement. Maybe that’s what made him fall for him so quickly, though this is nothing but fantasy talk.
He keeps needing to remind himself that Astarion has made it very clear about not having a relationship with him, which makes it so much more complicated. I guess it’s better not to be too attached given the mission of the orb anyways, everything is just so confusing. Something tells him that it’s going to get even more complicated.
He was having a bad nightmare again, he did his normal routine. Every time he did it, it felt like Astarion calmed down much quicker with him. He held him in his arms, staring down at him asleep. He was just about to drift to sleep, then he heard the whisper of his soft voice “hey” he panicked a little, seeing Astarion wide awake beside him. This was the first time he woke up since helping him with his nightmares, surprisingly he didn’t think Astarion has caught on yet. He usually left in the morning before he woke up, he didn’t want to cause any more issues. “Hey” he rested his chin on his head “you were having a bad dream” he hoped that didn't make him too upset at him, but he felt him get even closer. “It’s okay. I always enjoy your company " There was a silence in the air. He felt Astarion push away and sit up, he looked at him confused wondering if he did anything.
“Gale…I think it’s time I tell you…everything” he sat up with him, giving him his full attention. “Over two hundred years ago Cazador turned me into a vampire, and since then I was under his command for all those years” he knew that much, but he knows this will lead to more. “Under his command I had to…do things for him. He forced me to go out, and…” he can tell he was hesitating to finish his sentence. He shot him a reassuring look, encouraging him to continue. “He would make me sleep with people…to lure them back to him. If I didn’t then…” he can see the tears starting in his eyes, he is trying to remain calm for him. “He would make me…” he struggled with the words, and Gale wasn’t gonna make him say anymore.
He already knew what he meant by it, and hearing him say it will break his heart even more. He didn’t even say anything, he just hugged him. He didn’t feel Astarion hug him back, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t stop from crying himself, holding him tight. “You don’t…you don’t think differently of me?” he can tell Astarion is crying a lot too, he just shook his head still holding tight. After a moment he felt Astarion wrap his arm around him, hugging him back. “You must think I’m used…or useless?” he broke the hug, lifting up his head with his hand. “Listen, I meant what I said when I said I am in love with you. I know you don’t feel the same, but I do not throw that word around lightly”
They touched foreheads, he wiped away the tears on his face. “I love you too Gale, I do” he backed away, staring at him. “You…you do?” he was shocked, he never thought he would hear him say that. “I don’t understand. Then why can’t we be together?” Astarion shook his head, more tears streaming down his cheeks. “If something were to happen to you Gale…I couldn’t live with himself” he watched him put his head in his hands. “Nothing will. I pro-” he was cut off mid sentence. “No Gale, you don’t understand” maybe he doesn’t, but that doesn't mean they can’t try “but Astarion” he heard him say sorry between sobs. He feels like the universe is doing some cruel joke. He doesn’t know what’s worse, thinking Astarion doesn’t love him, or he does and he just doesn’t want to be with him.
He wants to understand that he means well, but that doesn’t stop the hurt that he feels. “Cazador is a very evil man, Gale. He-he would punish me for even thinking about loving someone else, and he will come after you” he looked down at the ground, not sure how to respond to this new information. So the person he loves, loves him back and it doesn’t even matter. “You’re free from him now. You’re safe” he heard a laugh from him, making him look up. “You think I’m safe?! I’m only ‘safe’ because of these parasites. What happens after huh!?” He never actually considered that, he would just become Cazador’s ‘property’ again.
“We can take him. Tav and all of us, we won’t let him take you again” I won’t let him take you again. “You make it seem so simple” well he knew it wasn’t gonna be simple, but he was at least gonna try. “He even left this on my skin, to remind me…I’m still his” he watched Astarion take off his shirt, he had to try hard not to stare given the circumstances. His jaw fell open, seeing the jagged scars on Astarion’s back. He leaned closer, trying to make out what all of it even means. He was about to touch them, but he looked up at him looking for approval.
He saw him nod, and he gently placed his hand on the scars. He can tell how deep they are by the way they felt, he can’t even imagine how painful it was. “He carved these into my skin all night long, sometimes I still feel the knife he used on my back” he looked up at him with sad eyes, then focused back on the text. He studied many books, some all in different texts. This looked different, almost like…infernal. “Why did he write it in infernal?” he looked at him all confused and shocked. “Infernal, I, who knows the bastard was insane…what, what does it say?”
He can’t make out anything. He rarely had to read infernal in school, and when he did it probably he sucked at it. Honestly he’s sure he completely didn’t even pay that much attention when he learned it. He tried his best though, looking at the jagged text. He could only make out one word for sure, ‘pact’. “The only thing I know is one word and it's a pact” There was a silence in the room, he could see the gears in Astarion’s head turn. “You’re telling me you’ve never seen this?” he saw him roll his eyes “well I can’t exactly look in a mirror and check it darling”
“I…I have a lot to think about” he nodded in agreement, he got up thinking maybe it would be best to give him space. “I’ll give you space” in reality he didn’t want to leave, but he can’t deny the hurt he feels right now. There’s many things he found out, and it’s all a lot to think about. He was about to walk out of his tent, until he felt a hand stop. “Please stay…you help me…don't have night terrors” he stared back at him, seeing the plea in his eyes. He can’t imagine how it was before, he feels sad for him. He can’t say no to those red eyes that he loves so much.
“Okay I’ll stay” he laid back down, falling asleep cuddling him again.