Chapter Text
“You can’t be serious right now.”
“Yes. Yes, I am.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“First stage of grief – denial.”
“Techno I want you dead.”
“You don’t mean that.”
Of course, he didn’t, Technoblade was his brother. But right now? Right now, he could be gone for all he cared. Techno was a crazy man. Out of his mind. Spitting out bullshit about... about what Tommy hoped wasn’t the truth.
“Please tell me you’re lying.” Said Innit just above a whisper.
“I’m not sure if it’s true Theseus, but I do think it is the only answer possible.”
“What the fuck. If it’s real I’m gonna start stabbing shit.”
“Second stage - anger.”
“Techno do you ever shut up?”
“I should be the one asking you this question.”
“You are a sick, sick man Technoblade.”
“Thanks. At least I’m funny.”
“I’m gonna bite you.”
“I hate children.”
Both brothers decided that Tommy will stay for the week until Phil and Wilbur got the time to come and visit them. Tommy didn’t want no pity – but Techno seemed to acquire a soft spot for the blond (for some reason) so really, Big Man didn’t have a choice. His teeth hurt so much; he didn’t feel like eating all day. Or month. Please God, have mercy on him.
The pink haired man told him that all those signs of what he was feeling, could only mean one thing: that he was a hybrid.
Bullshit, am I right, chat?
Tommy was NOT a hybrid: he was a man – a Big Man!!! No way he was part animal.
Yet doubt started to rise in him when after a week of procrastinating on Techno’s couch and using his resources he could quite clearly feel two bumps on his head and one on his back.
He looked at himself in the mirror. The bumps will soon start to be visible. Two patches of brown hair – fur? – were starting to spread along his head, only a matter of time before his brother will start question it.
Talking about brothers. Someone was knocking at the door. And it wasn’t Technoblade.
Tommy opened the door.
“Hi, Wilby!” He smiled leaning against the doorframe. “What’s your business?”
“My business? Tommy, what the fuck- “
“Ey, ey, ey, ey, tshhhhhhh” he shushed the taller. “Wilbur, my brother. My Bro. Brother Dearest. No need for such anger.”
“Tom, you can’t just do this to me, I beg you.”
“Then beg.”
“I am going to stab you to death.”
“We are so clearly brothers, this is unbelievable.”
“No, don’t say that, I will cry.” Wilbur laughed as he took his younger brother in a hug. “I missed you, child.”
“Missed ya too, Big Man.” Said the blond returning the hug.”
“Ew, affection.” Technoblade stepped into the living room. It’s been such a long time since the three of them were all together in the same room. Guess exploring the world didn’t really do good for their little family.
Family. They were family.
“C’m’here, Techie.” Murmured Innit with a smile. “I know you want to join.”
“I will make you an orphan.”
“Tech, we’re brothers...”
“Orphan.”
They all laughed.
It’s been another two weeks, whole two months since this bullshit started happening. You could clearly see now the bumps (“Those are ears,” said Techno. “Nope. Fuck you.” Cursed Tommy.) from a few meters afar and Tommy looked at every high-waisted pants as if it was a personal attack. He had a lot of trouble eating, often taking at least an hour per meal.
Did he piss off his brothers a lot? Yeah, of course, who do you think he was? Yet they were more accepting of his shenanigans than usual, which made them...
Kinda sus.
At least that would be what Tubbo would say – holy fuck Tommy missed Tubbo. He hoped to see him soon. (No, he wasn’t clingy.)
Their brother’s weird behaviour sparked an idea in his head; what is his limit? How much can he annoy them before getting in serious trouble?
Well, he was about to find out.
And he would, really, if not the fact that when he decided to step out of the house, he met Phil’s face.
“Oh my god it’s Philza Minecraft.” Tommy gasped.
“I am literally your dad.”
“Boogie woogie woogie.” Philza facepalmed.
“Tommy, show me your head please” demanded Phil.
“No?? Who are you to touch my head?? My fath- oh...”
“...”
“...”
“Yeah, I thought so.”
He let the older man touch his precious set of hair.
“Holy shit, are you purring??” He laughed. “Dude, it’s so loud!”
“Am not!! Philza I cannot believe a great man like you would ever lie. Truly disgusting. I will cancel you on Twitter.”
“What?!” He laughed again. “Well at least now we know that you’re some sort of feline hybrid probably. Not a piglin, like Techno.”
“Techno’s a piglin?”
Phil’s eyes popped out. “You didn’t know?? He literally has tusks and pig ears. What the fuck, dude.”
Tommy was red from embarrassment. “Not gonna lie, I thought it was a very good cosplay.”
Phil died from laughter. Tommy couldn’t wait until Techno and Wilbur come home.
Which meant their family will be reunited for the first time since years. With Phil exploring the world, Techno’s “retirement” home, and Tommy following Wilbur on his tours from town to town, there was no time for the boys to see each other. Maybe... maybe all the physical pain Tommy is going through is worth it if it meant that his family is gonna be back together. What a little toothache if he could go back to the good old days, right?
Few hours later, Tommy changed his mind. This family needs to die. #orphan.
What happened? Well...
“Uno.”
“I AM GONNA STAB THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU!! IF THERE WAS A “KILL A BITCH” BUTTON I WOULD BE PRESSING IT RIGHT NOW SO BAD!! YOU WOULD PERISH!!”
Oh my. What led to this?
After all the four of them were in Techno’s home, they ate dinner. Didn’t go well is lightly put. Tommy started complaining about his teeth (nothing new) while Wilbur and Techno’s playful debate grow into a heated debate about anteaters. Phil just laughed.
People underestimate Dadza’s love for chaos. He literally has three chaotic children, where do you think they got that attitude from? And this is exactly why the older man decided to propose a game of Uno. He decided against monopoly; he wanted to have fun, not a headache. One hour of passive aggressive comments exchanging between the three sons and hell broke loose. Blood was spilled (metaphorically), someone was audibly crying, yet Phil had no idea who it was. Honestly? Hilarious. He missed his sons, and he missed his silly little family dynamic.
“Hey guys, wanna see a cool little trick and life-hack I found recently?” he said out of nowhere.
The brothers stopped their little dispute to listen to their dad. Nobody ever dares disrespect PHILZA MINECRAFT.
“Phil, for the love of God – never say “life-hack” in your life ever again. I beg you.”
“Then beg.”
“This house is a fucking nightmare.”
Phil took his youngest son on his knees and put his hands in his head.
“Philza Minecraft I know what you’re up to and I do not appreciate it. I will be suing you with my vast amount of money. You are fucking shi- purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.”
“LMFAO THE CHILD PURRS!!!”
“What is this? TommyInnit bully day? Shut up Wilbur. I hate you.”
“Can I try it too?”
“Sure, Techno.”
“No? What am I? A toy to pass around- rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.”
They won’t gonna let it live down for him, won’t they?
It was truly a sad day for TommyInnit and his community.
A week later, exactly, the house has fallen into a routine. Techno and Wilbur went off to be responsible and do something (not that Tommy cared what they did). (He did care.) While Phil stayed with the youngest and tried to call him down. Third stage of grief – bargaining. Motherfucker did not shut up. Theseus was all but silent, calm and collected. His ears were small, but clearly there. (“Those are not ears. This is just a symbol of my manliness given to me by God and Prime themselves.” “Denial, round two – electric boogaloo.”). The evenings when all the four of them were around, they mainly talked and played games, just like the good old times. Phil would tell them his many stories of when he was travelling around the world and the siblings would bond over it, as if they were still kids.
And three months passed just like that, until one dusk, they heard knocking on the door.