Sasha and Tim Try Their Best Though...
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- it's not in my head, it's in my blood - by rodrikthelocalghost
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
23 Sep 2025
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Summary
Jon wakes up alone, alive, in his office in 2016.
When he finds Martin isn't beside him, didn't truly kill him, he decides to finish the job himself..
“I didn’t try to…” Jon started, on instinct, but ground to a halt as the room crashed in around him.
He’d known. Of course he’d known what he was trying to do. But it wasn’t…it wasn’t just that. It wasn’t some breakdown. It was the end of the world and he’d felt it end with a knife lodged in his heart and Martin’s body growing cold against his own, the rubble of the panopticon crushing what was left of the both of them.
No, no, that was too simple a phrase for it. It was so…common. So usual. Horrible, horrible, yes, and there had been years where all he’d wanted was to be able to truly say he’d tried to do it, proven himself for his suffering, but now?
Now, in the face of everything he’d seen? It wasn’t killing himself. It was eviscerating a stain, wrenching blood out of fabric until it was spotless. It was pulling every horrible thing he’d done, or had failed to stop, into a concrete moment, an end point that he could control. And tying off that knot.He wasn’t killing himself. He was just finishing the job that had been left incomplete.