JPerks
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Summary
COMPLETE
Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger are best friends.
Absolutely, totally, just best friends.
They remind themselves (and everyone else) of this fact daily.So being magically handcuffed together for thirty days?
No problem. They’re curse-breaking professionals. They’ve got this.…Right?
Featuring:
* Chaotic bestie Theodore Nott, agent of anarchy
* Weekly friendship rules (because boundaries are important)
* Hermione’s extremely secret hookup
* Yelling is Hermione and Lucius’ love language
* Draco’s unfortunate discovery of Muggle porn
* A wildly unstable bride-to-be with a magazine deal and a tiara the size of Neptune
* Nothing says best friends like mutual masturbation, as long as there isn't direct eye-contact.
* And we ponder the eternal question: do all magical massages have a happy ending?Bookmarked by JPerks
14 Sep 2025
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Life with the Malfoys is a lighthearted, slice-of-life companion collection set years after the events of the Second Wizarding War. These short stories explore the everyday chaos, humor, and deep love that shape the lives of Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger — now married, parenting two brilliant (and occasionally exasperating) children: Scorpius and Aurora Malfoy.
***
Scorpius (clutching his chest):
“I—I trusted you! I thought I was the chosen one! The singular miracle! And now you’re just—what, mass-producing heirs?!”
Draco (dryly):
“You’re still very much our miracle. Just… one with a sibling now.”
Scorpius:
“A sibling?! What if they’re cooler than me?! What if they don’t like Shakespeare?! What if you let them name the cat?!”
Hermione (gently):
“You’ll be an amazing big brother.”
Scorpius:
“I’m eleven! I can barely remember to water my cactus!”
Draco:
“You enchanted your cactus to hiss at guests.”
Scorpius:
“Exactly! I’m not emotionally stable enough to be a mentor figure!”Series
- Part 1 of Life with the Malfoys
Bookmarked by JPerks
26 Aug 2025
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Summary
Draco looked miserably at the low ceilings and stone walls of what were apparently going to be his living quarters at Hogwarts. The rooms were minuscule. He made one last effort. “I understand that living in the castle is a tradition here, but professors at Beauxbatons—”
Granger glared at him, arms crossed and hip cocked. In her sensible heels, she was exactly his height, yet they did not see eye to eye. “Let me guess, Professor Malfoy: you skied down to the campus every morning from your mansion above the clouds? And a dozen elf-made croissants awaited you in an office the size of a ballroom?”
“Oh, you’ve been, then?”
“This is your suite. Happy housewarming. Goodbye.” She whirled away, heels clicking on the stone floor.
Draco was left grumbling to no one, a state he found himself in after nearly every interaction with the Director of Hogwarts.
—
In which Draco Malfoy obtains his dream job at Hogwarts, and Hermione Granger obtains a Problem.
Bookmarked by JPerks
09 Aug 2025
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After Draco is released from Azkaban on probation, he struggles to know how to cope and wants to be left alone. He moves to a cottage on the edge of a wildlife reserve, and picks up birding. He finds a sense of peace and rhythm, until one day, it's all interrupted when he sees someone from his past sitting on his favorite bench by the pond.
OR
Draco and Hermione fall in love over a summer spent bird-watching like a couple of cute nerds.
Bookmarked by JPerks
31 Jul 2025
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Summary
Malfoy stopped and checked his watch once more. Midnight was just minutes away.
"I’ll make it," he thought, closing his eyes and picturing only one thing: her face, glowing with warmth, as he knocked on the door.
Series
- Part 16 of And so this is Christmas
Bookmarked by JPerks
17 Jul 2025