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   snipers solve 99% of all problems by silentwalrus

   Fandoms: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling  

   • Mature
   • No Archive Warnings Apply
   • Gen
   • Work in Progress

   22 Feb 2025

   Tags

   • No Archive Warnings Apply
   • Edward Elric
   • Alphonse Elric
   • Mei Chan | May Chang
   • Riza Hawkeye
   • Roy Mustang
   • Albus Dumbledore
   • Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody
   • Harry Potter
   • Hermione Granger
   • Remus Lupin
   • Maes Hughes
   • Sirius Black
   • Dudley Dursley
   • Ron Weasley
   • Ginny Weasley
   • Jean Havoc
   • The Dursleys
   • Amelia Bones
   • Bill Weasley
   • Kreacher (Harry Potter)
   • Aberforth Dumbledore
   • Crossover
   • Humor
   • Post-FMA Canon
   • Harry Potter 5th Year
   • Nobody’s Going To Hogwarts
   • Me sprinting down the highway while snorting coke off my hand
   • i just need to get this out of my system
   • Oh yeah Maes Hughes lives bc i said so
   • Ed: what the fuck do you mean you have ELVES and SLAVERY
   • also ed: lol ya i joined the military when i was 12
   • Voldemort is the one percent
   • Dementors
   • If you're a science person come correct me
   • do not repost to another site
   • The Edward Elric Mortal Combat School of Trauma Therapy
   • Ed Says Fuck
   • Ed Says Fuck 600+ Times
   • Fake/Pretend Relationship

   Summary

   Ed had thought, after the whole Promised Day, homunculus, entire country harvested for alchemical batteries thing, the batshit quotient of his life would have settled down some. He really ought to have topped out the meter with that one. But no. The bullshit is just getting started.

   “Are you fucking kidding me,” Ed demands. “The wizards?”

    

   Podfic & Chinese translation available! See notes

   Language:

   English

   Words:

   266,111

   Chapters:

   89/?

   Comments:

   19,327

   Kudos:

   22,036

   Bookmarks:

   6,813

   Hits:

   991,729

   Bookmarked by JaredITWaifu

   17 Jun 2025