Rfutility
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Why Diplomacy Is The Worst And We Shouldn't Even Try It Probably by antimony_medusa
Fandoms: SMPEarth
07 Nov 2023
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Summary
The Antarctic Empire is pursuing diplomacy on SMPEarth (why not try something new to provision the empire), but the Transatlantic organization they're negotiating with keep acting stranger and stranger to Phil, going from oblique comments to straight up rudeness. Technoblade has to pick apart this social tangle and figure out why they keep being so weird to his co-emperor, hopefully without endangering the empire as he does it. He is not psyched about this challenge, and the fact that Phil just keeps getting more and more stressed and silent isn't helping.
Or: Conference Meetings, Lobster, and some Hugs in the middle of the North Atlantic.
Series
- Part 2 of Zine Works
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,746
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 30
- Kudos:
- 196
- Bookmarks:
- 26
- Hits:
- 882
Bookmarked by Rfutility
21 Sep 2025
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all the right friends in all the right places by antimony_medusa for Ria_Writes_Stuff
Fandoms: Dream SMP
21 Jun 2025
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Summary
Ranboo rounded the corner into the back corner of the library, already mentally on the next item on his to-do list, he needed to not forget, and then froze in place. There was already someone sitting at the isolated table he always sat at, eating a rice salad and reading on his phone.
And– he’d been staring too long. Ranboo cleared his throat. “Uh, hi, Techno. I didn’t– know anyone else was back here.”
Techno had also paused, plastic fork in his mouth. Ranboo had met him last term, when he’d asked for a history tutor and met the sardonic pink-haired masters’ student. The tutoring sessions had been the most painless ones Ranboo had ever sat through– he might even call them friends– but that was then. He’d never really talked to the other man outside of an academic context, aside from nodding at him a few times in the coffee line. Ranboo wasn’t sure how to handle this, and Techno evidently was feeling the same way. Techno nodded at Ranboo, expression clearly trying for polite. “How’s it goin’?”
OR: this is honestly just 2k of borealtrio banter and bonding
Series
- Part 51 of Gift Exchange Works
- Part 4 of Battleship Works
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,195
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 33
- Kudos:
- 56
- Bookmarks:
- 15
- Hits:
- 218
Bookmarked by Rfutility
18 Jul 2025
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you say you're no good (but you're good to me) by im_always_stressed for CatInTheVoid
Fandoms: Dream SMP
05 Jul 2025
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Summary
It was rarely good when Phil got called into the overseer’s office, but it was usually fewer people to handle, at least. Easier to have to please his owner and the man’s guests than to be passed around the guardhouse again, or to be used as entertainment for whatever group of miners had pleased their bosses best this week. If he navigated things carefully and was lucky, sometimes after he had done his job he got fed tidbits of fancy food—dishes made with spices, or vegetables that hadn’t been cooked to an indistinguishable pulp, or real meat—or got to sit on a cushion in a corner. When he limped into the room, it was with what passed for hope, nowadays, glowing in Phil’s chest.
There was a piglin hybrid there, a tall and muscled man with an enchanted greataxe on his back. He had scars that spoke of a life of violence across his face, and his hands on his weapons were large and blunt. He looked angry already.
“—we don’t have the funds to pay you this week,” the overseer was saying, tone unconcerned. “But we’ve come up with an alternative. The bird’s market value is worth about what we owed you, so we’ll just give it to you and call it even.”
OR: Phil is given to a new owner. He doesn't expect it to go well.
Series
- Part 9 of Battleship
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,026
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 13
- Kudos:
- 126
- Bookmarks:
- 16
- Hits:
- 692
Bookmarked by Rfutility
07 Jul 2025
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Summary
Needing a husband to get the fuck out of the city, Quackity answers an ad in the paper looking for a 'wife.' He finds himself a man.
He wasn't expecting to find himself in the middle of a blizzard.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,403
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 12
- Kudos:
- 69
- Bookmarks:
- 6
- Hits:
- 637
Bookmarked by Rfutility
07 Jul 2025
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the consequences of neglecting to tell your boyfriend you have a husband (and are also secretly evil and murderous) by Ria_Writes_Stuff for CocoBean00
Fandoms: Dream SMP, Minecraft (Video Game)
06 Jul 2025
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Summary
"Look, all I'm saying, is that orange cats are dumb as fuck, and we're already sharing like three brain cells between us. We can't afford to donate one to the cat!"
Techno stifled a laugh as he wrapped his arms around Alexis's shoulders. "*You* might have three brain cells, but I have significantly more than that."
"This is coming from the guy who thought Rome was a country?"
"In my defence-"
Techno stopped short, eyes widening before he moved with vampiric speed, shoving his mortal partner behind him, and tackling the intruding vampire head on/
"Technoblade." hissed Dream, a sharp smile on his face, "Long time no see. You've been busy, it looks like. What does Phil say about this farce, hmm?"
"Techno? Who the hell is this? Why is he in our house? Who is Phil?"
Techno was watching a sand castle teeter, waves crashing around it's base, shattering the illusion that it could ever be solid rock.
"Oh? He didn't tell you?" Dream was smirking under his mask, a curl of cruel lips, "Phil is his husband."
And Techno could do no more than watch the castle fall.
Series
- Part 17 of MCYTBLR AU Fest 2025 collection (:
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,478
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 12
- Kudos:
- 79
- Bookmarks:
- 7
- Hits:
- 540
Bookmarked by Rfutility
23 Jun 2025