elfsmirk



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Gilderoy Lockhart landed himself in St Mungo's after his 'Cornish Pixies' class. Where can a headmaster now find another Defence teacher, one who's knowledgeable beyond doubt, willing to face the curse on the position, and available to start in a few days? In Nurmengard, that's where.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    54,421
    Chapters:
    24/24
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    368
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    25 May 2025

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    After her husband is unfaithful and her cookie-cutter perfect world is turned on its head, Petunia Evans Dursley finds herself in her old hometown, full of regrets and feeling that her life has been without purpose. Before she can quietly take her own life, she is given an impossible offer by a long-dead figure from the magical world: return to the past, and rewrite her own history. Seeing it as a chance to make up for her biggest regret, Petunia accepts and finds herself in the middle of a Wizarding war she knew little about, protecting the younger sister she tried to forget by seeking help from the one person in the magical world she knows how to find.

    A what-if story beginning in the latter years of the first war against Voldemort, where an unlikely alliance turns into an even more unlikely romance, and the bonds that bloom from it will change the course of Wizarding history.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    296,908
    Chapters:
    47/47
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    15
    Comments:
    3,241
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    5,098
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    07 May 2025

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Which will win: sixteen years of planning for brutal world domination, or one (1) teenage girl?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    35,355
    Chapters:
    9/9
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    1
    Comments:
    747
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    17 Apr 2025

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Fred opened the book and began to write. He only got a few words down before the diary absorbed them, the ink vanishing without a trace, prompting George to lean in closer to observe.

    “Maybe this is some elaborate joke on Ginny’s part to educate us on proper brotherly behaviour?” George mused, just as new words began to appear on the empty page. Well, that seemed a bit ambitious for a first-year…

    Hello. May I know who I am conversing with?'

     

    Or: What if the Weasley twins had been the ones who found Tom Riddle’s diary?

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    203,226
    Chapters:
    22/22
    Collections:
    23
    Comments:
    1,045
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    3,541
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    1,428
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    31 Dec 2024

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    In which Draco Malfoy is sorted into Gryffindor and everything kind of goes to Hell from there… but hey. At least there’s a chance he won’t grow up to be an awful person. Alternatively titled ‘Draco Malfoy and the Worst Goddamn Seven Years of His Life’

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    289,497
    Chapters:
    20/20
    Comments:
    2,187
    Kudos:
    9,964
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    3,208
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    334,237

    02 Feb 2024