Chapter Text
The ride back to Athena’s apartment passed in silence; in fact, she did not even look at Simon. However, her hand had reached out for his the moment they had seated themselves next to each other in the car, and he could not bring himself to pull away.
The detective seemed to sense that no conversation was wanted or necessary, as well; after asking for the address, he, too, remained quiet.
Athena followed him up after Doddbury had pulled away from the curb, letting go of Simon’s hand when he unlocked the door, still without saying a word. He went to deposit Widget, the glove and her bag on top of her nightstand, and then stepped into the bathroom, silently checking his throat for bruises and washing his face and hands, paying particular attention to the ear Splodge had licked. Maybe I should slip an inmate some cigarettes to have your tongue cut out with a shiv, you miserable piece of shit. He knew that he probably would not follow through on that thought, but it made him feel better.
Glad that the criminal’s hand had surprisingly only left the faintest marks on Athena’s fair skin, he finished his ablutions and returned to the living room, seating himself next to her on the couch, now more than slightly apprehensive.
After another long moment of silence, she finally spoke up again.
“We need to talk. About a number of things.” The anger in her heart was subdued, but still there, underneath a general feeling of tension.
Simon was not sure whether he was willing to have this particular conversation right now, but after the extraordinary day they had just managed to survive, he could not fault her for her desire to have it out.
“Talk, then,” he invited hesitantly.
Athena gazed down on him; for once, her face was unreadable.
“You broke one of our rules today,” she stated flatly. “Why?”
He looked away as he attempted to evade her ire with a lie, although he did not have the necessary control at the moment to make it more convincing with Athena’s ability. “I knew you would realize that you could track me with Taka, whereas the girl would have been lost. I apologize for endangering your body.”
Of course, he had not known at the time that that was what she would do, although it was a logical assumption in hindsight.
She was silent again for a long moment. Finally, she said, “You are not only a liar, but also a colossal idiot, Simon Blackquill.”
Simon felt his hand being taken once more, this time in a firmer grip. When he dared to look at Athena’s face again, tears were rolling down her cheeks.
“Do you really think I was mainly worried about my body back there?” she murmured.
She did not have to elaborate; her heart provided the answer to her all-but-rhetorical question.
Unable to stand the sight of her crying, Simon directed his gaze down toward their hands.
“The girl… she reminded me of you,” he admitted. “I could not let her fall into the clutches of this monster.”
A helpless little laugh emerged from his mouth. “Furthermore, and this might sound completely ludicrous… when I offered myself in exchange, I didn’t even remember for a moment that I was impersonating you. I suppose I am finally losing it.”
Athena wiped at her face, and her expression softened as she let go of his hand and wrapped her arm around his shoulders for a moment in an offer of unspoken sympathy. Simon could not keep from leaning into the comfort of the contact.
She threw him an ever-so-slight smile when she withdrew again. “I’ve had that a few times. I guess we’ve been at it long enough by now that it becomes difficult for us to remember where the masquerade stops and our real selves begin…Heck, I’ve started guzzling coffee like there’s no tomorrow, even when I’m by myself.”
Getting back on topic, she stated quietly, “I’m not mad at you for saving the girl, just for putting yourself in danger, instead.”
Simon could not resist raising an eyebrow at that. “Says the woman who came after a gunman, armed with nothing but a katana, to save me.”
He was surprised when Athena began to chuckle slightly, the anger finally completely leaving her heart.
“It appears we’re both idiots, after all… did you know that Aura called us ‘codependent’ because we just can’t seem to stop trying to protect each other?”
Her eyes roamed over him for a moment. “God, I’m so glad you’re okay… I would’ve never been able to forgive myself if something had happened to you…”
Feeling more than a little guilty at the way her breath hitched again in preparation for further tears, now Simon reached for her hand out of his own volition in a bid to soothe her. “Athena. I am here. I am fine. Everything is well.”
She took a deep breath to compose herself, and a minute smile appeared on her face, only for her expression to once more become serious after another long moment of silence. “Not everything… there is something else we need to discuss. Explain to me why you got so freaked out and hung up on me on Friday.”
He closed his eyes for a minute in a grimace, avoiding her suddenly intent gaze. “Can’t this wait?”
“No,” she shot back at once, a hint of pique flickering up in her heart again. “Today nearly ended in one of us getting killed because we didn’t communicate with each other, and I won’t have any more of it. If you give me one good reason for being so distant, I won’t bug you anymore about it. Just… please talk.”
Hearing that she was determined to get to the bottom of this issue, no matter what, Simon sighed.
“Very well… I had a phone conversation with Ms. Woods a while back. It seemed safer to call her after Wright used the stone on me due to my not contacting her. She mentioned to me that you apparently had, as she put it, a ‘crush’ on me during your childhood days, and she seemed certain that you were interested in acting on it now. It made me realize that I am already asking far too much of you, and that we cannot forge such a connection between us. Right now, you are forced to live the life of a man who is ten years older than you, and whom you first met when he was twice your own age. This man comes with a past that still sets a lot of people’s teeth on edge, and even though your friends seem to believe in his innocence, he still scares them away, while the only kindred spirit he can offer you in exchange is a bird.”
He looked up at her. “You cannot tie yourself to me, Athena. It will only bring you more misery, when you deserve so much better.”
Athena seemed perplexed for a moment, but then she shook her head at him, smiling gently.
“And here you are trying to protect me again, this time from yourself. Simon, that crush… that was completely harmless, girly daydreaming, I certainly never thought of getting into your pants back then, either the regular way, or the way I have been recently. I can’t believe Junie thought I was all primed to jump you after you were released… She never mentioned my stupid little ‘Simon is so nice to me’ phase when we were talking before our trade. I guess I must have brought you up a lot in our conversations, because I was so thrilled that you were alive and free, but considering how charming you and I were to each other on the first day of the Filch trial…”
She had to chuckle at the thought.
“Also, I’ve spent most of my time at university around people much older than me, given how many grades I skipped, so the fact that you might be worried about the age gap honestly never crossed my mind. True, I’m young – but then again, you are not exactly ancient yet, yourself. I mean, what are ten years? It’s not like this is a difference where you could go, ‘Athena, I am old enough to be your father.’”
Her comically low impression of him, in spite of the fact that she was already speaking with his voice, startled a snort of laughter out of Simon.
Flashing him a quick grin, Athena continued, “As for your past… as long as we know the truth, I don’t care what other people think. Mr. Wright and Apollo won’t judge me for associating with you, so my job is secure and I’m not going to lose their friendship over it. And… you don’t have to scare everyone away, you know? Now that you are living my life, you seem to get on pretty well with everyone… not that you have to be best friends with them or anything, unless you feel like it. When it comes down to it, though, I am the one who chooses for myself with whom I spend my time, and if anyone else has a problem with it, particularly if they don’t know us personally, they can write it on a piece of paper, fold it up, and stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.”
Athena looked down at their entwined hands, and her following words were delivered in a much softer voice. “I’ve really missed our meetings the last couple of weeks, you know… since all of this started, you’ve become so important to me, even more so than you were before. I’ve missed the way we were talking and laughing together. I’ve missed seeing you smile at me, even if you did it with my face. And now that I nearly lost you again today, I finally realized… I don’t just want your body, Simon. I want you. All of you.”
Her confession left Simon at a loss. She is right. I am an idiot.
He had spent the better part of two weeks vehemently trying to staunch her infatuation, which, according to her words, she had only fully acknowledged to herself today. Apparently, he had unwittingly succumbed to projecting his own feelings onto her in his self-denial. Not only that, now that she had actually come to reciprocate his affection in spite of his recent abominable treatment of her, Athena had dismissed all of his arguments against giving in to their emotions as unimportant in one fell swoop.
Yet, he could not help but try to dissuade her once again, for her own good.
“You cannot possibly know what it is you are asking for,” he stated slowly.
Athena shook her head. “Au contraire. I know exactly what I want… and I notice that you never once said that you didn’t want me.”
Her tone made abundantly clear that she refused to consider any other reasons valid at this point.
Gazing directly into his eyes, she then demanded seriously, “Tell me to my face that you don’t want to be with me, Simon Blackquill, and mean it. I will leave, and we’ll never discuss this again.”
Simon took a breath, as if to start speaking, but faltered.
Her heart had not only spoken of her resolve. He had also heard the warmth her voice had betrayed on the phone for a second last Friday; it was still hesitant, but it had been there for the last few minutes, and it was strengthening.
His own determination to keep her at arm’s length, already eroded by their abundance of physical contact today, wavered and melted away.
“I can’t.”
Athena’s face lit up. “What’s wrong with us being happy for once, then?”
His sigh this time seemed to come straight from his soul. “I have been the cause of a lot of pain for you. I do not wish to hurt you again.”
“But you will, Simon,” she replied, causing him to gaze up sharply at her.
Athena continued, smiling, “Those we care about always have the power to hurt us the most, sometimes accidentally, sometimes on purpose. You can’t make me not care for you anymore, it’s far too late for that. Not that I want to stop caring for you…”
The warmth her heart emitted flared up as she spoke, until it irresistibly dissolved the last stubborn barriers in his mind. Her affection had disarmed him, had dismantled every one of his defenses, and this final, crushing defeat oddly felt like a triumph, instead.
For a moment, Simon merely looked at her, wondering how to respond. Then, he realized that no more words were necessary.
Reaching up, he pulled her down to him, and brought his lips to hers.