Chapter Text
CHAPTER THREE HUNDRED EIGHTY SEVEN
The Osaka Municipal Naniwa Sports Center was a multi-level building with various athletic options inside, from the gym on the 7th floor, to the swimming pool on the 6th, all the way down through to the lowest level above parking, where the skating rink was situated. The first floor - level with the street and the first thing seen upon entry - was, for lack of better terms, a passing-through hall with a small open space for waiting on the elevator. The walls were a muted burgundy red on the right where the elevator doors were, and a greenish color on the left with tall windows overlooking the rink. Throughout the hall, there were thick blue pillars with white-board wraps around them for staff to post bulletins. The stairs going up and down were capped underneath with yellow.
It was, suffice it to say, a colorful place.
Victor paused in the second doorway and looked around, one hand clasped lightly to where his partner's elbow stuck out, both of those arms and hands occupied with holding up their pup. Just down the hall, halfway to the opposite end where another door lead back outside, Minako spotted them, and stood up from the line of benches in front of the overlook windows.
Though they were largely covered from tip to toe to avoid the winter bluster, with Yuri donning his Ravenclaw beanie and a scarf to cover most of the rest of his face, Victor left his hair exposed. He pulled his scarf down just enough to reveal the lower half of his face, revealing something of a grimace as he stood and waited.
"...Hope she knows what she's doing, picking this place." Yuri commented dubiously as the woman approached, pulling his own scarf down, "Lots of people around."
"I hope this wasn't too far out of the way for you guys." She said, "I tried to pick something productive that was close." She suddenly noticed the Akita in her former student's arms, "...You brought Jiro with you?"
"Productive." Victor grumbled protectively, looking around a little bit, "Sure."
The ballerina paused a few paces in front of them and crossed her arms, giving a defiant look, "You're treating him worse than your uncle."
The Russian's brow furrowed, and he looked from Minako to the man standing next to him, then back again, gesturing his free hand forward, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but am I the only one keeping score right now? I distinctly recall that - while each of them did things that, as far as I'm concerned, are nigh unforgivable - my uncle was the only one between them who didn’t sexually assault my husband."
"Asahi wants to apologize though," Minako pointed out, "Your uncle seems less inclined at this point." She grumbled and crossed her arms, "That's a struggle for later though, and you don't have to forgive Asahi anyway. I'm only asking that you give him a chance to explain himself."
"I'm here, aren't I?"
Yuri shook his head lightly, but then sighed and set Jiro down onto the tile floor, keeping the leash wrapped around his wrist as the pup started sniffing around. He stepped in front of his partner, both hands going palms-down against the man's chest, and looked up into his eyes, "Settle down a little bit before you get yourself completely worked up. You do your best work when you have your head in the game."
"This isn't a game to me."
"I know it’s not an actual game...!" The younger man protested, "Let me put it this way then...way back when we were still living in St. Petersburg, and you took off to go to your mother's funeral...I was left behind with nothing but Yurio, and a head full of my worst fears about what would happened to you. Yurio pointed out to me that I was getting myself wound up about your problems, even though it didn't seem like you were all that worried about them yourself. He said it didn't make sense to feel that way...and he's right. This thing with Asahi...I'm ready to move on. I don't want you to keep stressing yourself out over it on my behalf."
The Russian gave a nervous look anyway, "This is my own grudge." He admitted stiffly.
"Even after all the stuff we read online earlier?"
"I'm not just going to let him off the hook because he wants to throw himself off a bridge somewhere." Victor said curtly, "The problem between him and I has nothing to do with that stuff."
"Just be gentle with him, would you?" Minako pleaded, "This is supposed to be a talk, not a beat-down."
"I'm not going to attack him." The Russian grumbled, "Where is he? Let's get this over with."
The ballerina sighed and half-rolled her eyes, but then started walking back the way she came, nudging her head so the pair would follow. When they made it to the benches lining the overlook, they stopped, and looked through the glass to where Minako pointed at the ice. There, the same faceless, bundled-up figure from the audience at the previous night's Free Program was standing at rink-side, pulling guards onto his Revolution blades, "Since you said you wanted to go first...I told Asahi to sit in the stands when he was ready. Looks like he's heading up...so, you can go meet up with him whenever you're ready."
"How do I get in there?"
Minako turned around and pointed down the hall again, "There's some stairs that we passed as we came this way. They lead to the seating area in front of these windows."
"Fine." Victor said simply, turning his eyes to the floor to make sure he didn't mistakenly kick Jiro as he stepped around. When he knew he was clear, he paused and extended his hands forward to his spouse, curling his fingers when he felt the soft, perfect warmth of his lover’s skin in his palms, "I won't be mean unless he says something to deserve it."
"Don't go looking for things. You seem to be a hammer and all around you are nails." Yuri commented, giving those hands a gentle squeeze before letting one go to reach it over his husband's shoulder. He hugged as tightly as he could with the one arm, pressing his face to his partner's neck, "Ganbatte ne. I love you."
Victor had both arms around his husband's smaller frame, rocking the man slightly back and forth as he returned the hug, "I love you too. I'll try to make it quick."
Yuri nodded as he pulled back, but just as he saw his spouse lean closer for his parting kiss, he pulled his hand back and grabbed the beanie from his head. He looked at it for a moment, but then took it in both hands and motioned for the Russian to lean his head down, although the man artfully declined. Yuri was a bit surprised, "I have no doubt that people here will know who you are...so, try to be a bit inconspicuous? I know it's against your nature to try and avoid attention, but in this case I think it's warranted."
"I disagree." The silver legend shook his head, and gently pilfered the beanie so he could replace it on top of Yuri’s head, "I want him to see and know exactly who he’s talking to. And so, I'm off." He said, tilting his head slightly to the right and leaned forward for his kiss. With that, he departed for the stairs pointed out to him earlier.
Yuri turned back to Minako for a moment, but spotted the bundled figure passing them by on the lower deck of the seating area, going all the way to the far side and taking a space in the 3rd of that section's six rows. Yuri moved around to the front of the bench behind the glass, and took a seat as well, keeping an eye as well as he could through the glare from the light outside. Minako took a spot next to him, and Jiro was soon to follow after, sniffing at the baseboards and under the seats.
On the entrance-side of the hall, Victor had made his way to the doorway and pushed the panel open, hearing the loud noise of the populated rink rising up towards him like a wave. A hundred different pairs of skates all scratched at the ice as the mass moved around the rink in a big circle, following the inside edge of the wall. Young children shrieked as they fell, and adults around them did much the same. Many of them wore helmets for just such an occasion. More wore the rented black-and-white skates on offer at the kiosk on the lower level. Victor surmised, even from his vantage, that the opening in the rink-wall was under the seating area, as the entire rest of the rink-wall was closed, with Plexiglas barriers going around the full length. Markings within the ice noted that it was also used for hockey. For the moment though...it was family fun day and it was well-used for that purpose.
The Russian took a moment to acquaint himself with the area, even noting another stairwell near where his target had taken a seat, going back up to the main hallway. There was a wider aisle at the upper edge of the seating area for him to walk the length of it, and he turned on a heel, though not without a slight pain in that ankle, to start limping his way over. He paused for a moment in front of the glass where his husband and furry child were watching, and pressed his hand to it for a second before moving on again. He stood at the top of the thin stairs that lead down the rows, and watched the figure for a little bit longer. Eventually though, he started making his way down, and passed the 3rd row entirely, side-stepping into the foot-space of the 2nd and standing there. The seats were poppy red, plastic, and had no arm-rests to divide them. The lighting above them was dim, in stark contrast to the bright light of the outdoors. The silver legend drew a breath and finally took a seat in the first chair of the row, and brought his sore right ankle up to rest on top of his left knee. He wedged his hands into his pockets to keep them warm.
Behind the one-way glass of his snow-goggles, Asahi watched the man nervously, Why isn't he saying anything? Does he think I can't hear him? ...Should I take my hood off?
Victor listened quietly as the sound of a jacket moved around behind him, and he turned his head slightly...only enough to point out exactly who he was speaking to, though not enough to see the man...and finally spoke up, "I don’t know what game you’re trying to play, or who you think you’re trying to fool..."
Asahi pulled the scarf down from his lower face, and the hood off his head. The goggles came off just as Victor's one visible blue eye turned to gawk at him, and he stopped right where he was.
"But don't think that what's being said online is going to change anything here today." The older skater finished.
Don't say anything...don't say anything...don't say anything yet... Asahi pleaded with himself.
"Before I call Yuri out here...there are going to be some rules." Victor went on, still staring, "First of all, no matter where Yuri chooses to sit...you will not be sitting next to him. If he does so inadvertently by trying to be in the middle..." He thumbed to the seat directly behind himself, but then turned that hand to point at the other man, "...You will move. Second, we happen to have our new puppy with us today...he is here for Yuri's sake, not yours, so if he moves towards you, you will not touch him. If Yuri offers to let you hold or touch him, politely refuse. Third, and finally...we're trying to be discrete, so if you yell at either of us like you did to Yuri after the Short Program...or if you break the other rules...we're leaving, and this will be the last time we speak. Understood?"
Asahi nodded once.
"Do you have anything to say for yourself before Yuri comes out here?" Victor offered.
The younger figure swallowed nervously, but then nodded again, and stood up. He set the goggles down on the seat next to himself, then pressed both hands against the outside of his thighs, and bowed forward.
Yuri and Minako were both surprised to spot it, glancing back at each other briefly before watching to see how the scene continued.
Asahi stayed bent to 90, "...I...I'm deeply sorry for the trouble I've caused you. I know that nothing I say can ever atone for what I did to Yuri, and to you by extension...but I hope that after today I can begin to do the work necessary to show that I really do mean it. What I did was beyond horrible...and I really regret it."
Victor watched the man carefully, but for the moment, said nothing.
Asahi stayed in the bow, waiting for some sign that his words had been accepted, even if not responded to...but it was hard to gauge while he was staring at the concrete under his feet.
"...Well, you're right about that at least..." The Russian suddenly said, relieving some tension and allowing the younger man to lift his head a little. Victor twisted in his spot and waved his hand towards the pair in the upper hall, then pointed at the closer door and watched them start to head for it before turning back to Asahi, "...Words are meaningless without something to back them up. But know this…” He set that one steely eye on the younger athlete again, staring harshly, “I don’t trust you one bit, and I like you even less. This meeting is only happening because I allow it. One misstep, one word out of line, one hair on the back of Yuri’s neck standing on end…and we’re leaving.”
“…I…understand.”
The sound of the metal door being pushed open echoed above them, followed by the footsteps of the duo who were coming down towards them. True to Victor's prediction, Yuri did take the space directly behind Victor, though he sat on the shockingly-clean ground in front of the seat so he'd be on the same level as Jiro, and could easily reach his arm across to the lower row. He settled his left arm there across his husband's chest, and Victor lifted his left hand to clasp around it, rubbing his thumb a few times on a few fingers. Asahi gathered his ski-goggles up and climbed down to the 2nd row, sitting two places over from the Russian, and unfortunately in the spot that Minako had meant to take. She, instead, went up to the 3rd row and occupied the seat that had already been warmed, and reached over to pat the puppy on his head as he started to explore the new space, sniffing at the floor and the underside of the red chairs nearby.
Yuri leaned towards his partner's left ear, sitting sideways against his knees, "So where do we even start...?"
"Hard to say. I guess we can let him start."
"Did he say something while bowing...?"
"He said he was sorry to me and to us, and wanted to work towards a solution."
"Well that's good, right?"
"If you believe him."
Yuri nodded and raised his head back up again, looking nervously in his former friend's direction, but wasn't sure if he should say anything just yet. The awkward silence made things tense, though it was broken up when Jiro stood his front paws on Yuri's knees and whined slightly. Though it was only to ask for pets and a warmer place to put his tootsies, the pup's timing was impeccable, and Yuri pulled the Akita up onto his lap, cradling him there with his right arm.
Minako looked between the trio and decided to break the ice herself, "This has to be the most awkward podium group I think I've ever seen."
"Hmph..." Victor snorted quietly, eyes out on the ice, and all the bodies skating by them on the lower level.
"...This is my fault." Asahi finally said, hands bunched-up on his lap as he stared at his knees, "I came to this competition willingly unprepared and I...really made a mess of things because of it."
"Unprepared...?" Yuri echoed, lifting his head in curiosity.
The silver medalist hesitated, but nodded, "The...history between you and I, Yuri...and the things that had happened since the last time I saw you... Not just to me, but to you, too...things I refused to acknowledge or even look into, even just to spare myself the shock of seeing it in person... I'd been told to look you up for a hundred different reasons, a hundred different times...and I kept telling myself that if I didn't, nothing would've changed, and we could've picked up being friends again like we had been years ago... I could just forget all the bad things that happened after you left for Detroit, and start over again..."
"...Detroit?" Yuri repeated, "Why all the way back to then? The accident wasn’t until five years later… What could’ve possibly been so bad before that?"
Asahi chose his words carefully, “…You left. And you didn’t just leave…you practically vanished." He explained. He shook his head and lowered his gaze a bit further down, "And when we saw each other again at that Nationals, we weren't even friends anymore...not really..."
Those words made Yuri's heart sting, When I moved, it felt more like I was fleeing from my problems in Hasetsu… I never considered how Asahi would feel because he’d already moved on to Tokyo… Or maybe I didn’t want to feel guilty for not thinking of him at all… It was selfish of me, no matter what way you look at it.
"After you left, I felt pretty abandoned... I didn't know where to turn. Say whatever you want about how I felt underneath it all...but I still lost my best and only friend back then. Even though I had secured that spot for you at the Tokyo Skate Club...going back to Imari to tell you the good news, only to find that you'd left without telling me...that hurt a lot..."
Yuri recoiled a little, fingers gripping at his husband's scarf and lapel as he pressed his cheek to the back of the man's head, "...I...had a lot going on back then. I didn't know you'd gotten the spot for me until after I had already left. I couldn't think of a good way to apologize, so I just..." He hung his head low in shame, "I stopped replying to your emails...and eventually I switched to a different one entirely. I wanted to forget Hasetsu so badly; it became a need to forget Japan..."
"You're not the one in hot water, my love." Victor reassured quietly, nudging his head back, "You don't have to explain yourself."
"Don't I though?" Yuri wondered, hugging himself to the back of his husband's neck, "I'm a part of all this... If Asahi is about to bear his soul to us to explain why this weekend went the way it did...I owe it to him to fill in the other blanks and create a complete story. Forgiveness is a two-way street...I can't expect him to walk it all on his own."
"...There's not much you need to say, Yuri..." Asahi explained, daring to lift his head and look to the side a little, though careful to avoid the Russian's harsh gaze, "...I could've pieced together why you left like you did, just from what I already knew back then. It...shouldn't have surprised me that you got tired of waiting, and took the first chance you could get to escape from that quagmire with those triplets. You're the only one who has to feel the way you do and no one can ask you to stay in a bad situation when you have an out. I was just...being selfish...and decided to take it personally when I shouldn't have. My emails probably sounded pretty desperate and angry anyway...I don't blame you for not answering."
Jiro licked at his human's fingers again, nosing his snout into the man's palm to get head-pats, and in doing so, distracted Yuri from the whirling ball of guilt growing in his gut. The ball faded slightly for the moment, ...I don't have to feel bad about that anymore...? Can I really let that go...? I was so ashamed of myself back then...I buried myself in my skating so I wouldn't have to think about it...
"There was a long time, back when we were still in Juniors together..." Asahi continued, raising his head to look at the metal cross-beams that made up the rink's ceiling, "Because the both of us were so secluded... You were always so bad at making new friends, and I... I didn't really want to share you anyway..." He lowered his head and shook it, "For a really long time, because it was just us...there was a part of me that stupidly thought you were mine, in a way... My best friend, my training buddy, my junior, my English-language partner...all those things, we only had each other for...and I got a bit prickly at the idea that anyone else could get in the middle of that. The idea of me being forced into Seniors without you made me crazy. I was desperate to keep you with me. I fought tooth and claw to get that spot in Tokyo for you, hoping beyond hope that I'd get it before you found something else and left forever...or at least for a few years... Even though we were just friends...you were still all I had. To know that I had just missed you made me so angry..."
Yuri listened quietly, loosening his grip on his spouse's clothing just enough for Victor to wedge his thumb into his palm, and he clamped down on that as well when he gripped again.
"It was such a stupidly long time before I calmed down again... By the time...Riku turned up, you could probably describe me as being like..." Asahi hesitated, trying to find the right word, "...Not a spurned lover...but something like that...the one left behind... Acting jealous and defensive over you at every opportunity... I guess I thought that, somehow, if you knew I was still out there trying to protect your honor from criticism, maybe you'd come back. Riku was..." He shuddered and collapsed over his knees, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumbs, fingers laced together ahead of it, "...He was the voice of reason that no one else could be, because no one else saw into me the way he did. To Riku's eyes, my walls were glass, my defenses made of paper. He could practically read my mind, and knew what to say to counter the arguments I hadn't even made yet... He snapped me out of this horrible feedback loop I'd put myself into...but then when I lost him...I got sucked right back in again."
The mention of that long-dead skater made Yuri cringe a little, and he released his right arm from around his puppy just enough to twist around and wrap it around his husband's other shoulder, holding tightly there, The very idea of losing someone so important terrifies me more than I can put into words... Knowing that at any moment, Victor could be taken from me forever, and I'd be all alone again...it just kills me. I can't even imagine how much pain Asahi's been in since losing his partner... It's almost too much for me to comprehend...
Victor nuzzled his head to the side and brought his other hand up, cupping over the one against his chest already, "You okay?" He whispered.
Yuri nodded reluctantly.
Asahi watched them quietly, but then continued, "...The thing is though..." He started, lifting his head towards the ice again, "I didn't realize quite how bad I was...until I saw you here at Nationals, Yuri. I didn't even realize how much of an impact Riku had made on my life until I had to face you without him. It was so easy to fall back into my old way of thinking...it scared me a little...and then I got lost in my head, all the memories of Riku coming back that I'd put away for so long, all the feelings I had for you that I knew were pointless... I acted out because I was hurting and I didn't know what to do..."
Minako leaned closer from the 3rd row and set an unexpected hand on the skater's shoulder, making him jump slightly, but he settled soon enough, "You've been pushing down all thoughts of Riku for so long, Asahi..." She started, "Why don't you tell us what you and him had planned to say in Kyoto?"
He turned confused eyes back towards the woman, "...That speech was supposed to be to my family though...it wouldn't mean anything to you guys... You already know about Riku anyway... And, uhm, present company…isn’t…bothered…"
"I think it would do you some good to say it anyway, don't you?"
"...What's the point now...?" Asahi turned back again, cupping his hands over his face as his elbows went down to his knees, pulling his shoulder out of the woman's reach, "Explaining to anyone that Riku and I were together and we were happy...when he isn't even here anymore...it'd just..." The soreness in his throat was growing again, even though it had never quite left him, "...I can't do it. It hurts too much."
"So then tell us about him." Minako suggested instead, "The kind of person he was, how he helped you... If you can explain to us how much he meant to you, maybe then you can..."
Yuri pulled his face up from where he'd buried it against his husband's neck, and looked on at the other skater a few seats over. He could see the tears already trickling from the man's face, trailing down the length of his nose or just falling from his eyes outright. The droplets that hit the concrete between his skates were clear to see in the light from above, but Yuri stayed quiet, worried he'd choke on his words anyway if he tried.
"This is really such a strange time and place to be getting into all that..." Asahi said, turning his head slightly towards the woman behind him, "This meeting was supposed to be about apologizing to them for how bad I messed up...not about me spilling my guts about my dead boyfriend..."
"Part of the apology process is learning about what lead to you doing what you did." Minako explained, sitting back in her spot with an elbow over the back-rest, "And since you've been so steadfast in never telling anyone anything, I think it would be helpful...to us and to you. So...tell us about Riku. Tell us all the things you stopped yourself from saying before the accident, and after...tell us all the things you wanted to say but thought you couldn't. Get it all off your chest."
"...You d-don't know what you're asking..."
"I think I do though." The ballerina retorted gently, "When people suffer catastrophic losses...they can do monumentally stupid things because of their grief. You've barely touched the edge of yours...and you've already done something monumentally stupid. Get the rest out in a controlled environment, and hopefully...with any luck...you won't do anything dumb again."
Asahi drew in a few pained breaths, but nodded, "I-If that's what you...want..." He rubbed his nose on the back of a sleeve and tried to steel himself, snuffling once as he tried to clear his head, "...Where...do I even start...?"
"At the beginning, of course."