Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The cart rocked, wood creaking as horses drew the carriage over rough cobble. It was dark, but early dawn light turned the horizon gray. Levi’s breath fogged. Drawing his coat tighter about his shoulders, he called to the driver, “Can’t this piece of shit go any faster?”

It wasn’t the first time he’d complained. To her credit, the soldier merely squeezed the reins and replied in a tight voice, “For the last time sir, on these roads, this is as fast as she’ll go.”

Glaring at the back of her head, Levi sat back, muttering curses under his breath.

“So many soldiers rode for the wall, perhaps the situation will be resolved by the time we get there?”

Levi turned. The speaker was the next recipient of his glare.

The priest from the Wall Cult – Pastor Nick – sat directly across from him. Together, they were riding in a god-forsaken cart, on a god-forsaken cobblestone road, on their way to the god-forsaken wall – where everything had apparently gone seven ways to shit.

Leaning forward, Levi sucked in a short breath through his nose. He folded his hands and glanced up, glaring daggers over his knuckles. “Two shifters attacked an isolated squadron on the wall, decimated their ranks with some kind of explosion, and made off with Jaeger and another soldier – who also happens to be a shifter. I doubt the situation is going to be anywhere fucking close to resolved.”

“I – I didn’t mean-”

Levi twisted in his seat. “Are you sure we can’t go any faster?”

“I’m sure.”

“Did they say how many,” Pastor Nick hesitated, “…casualties there were?”

“The foot soldier who brought the report left as soon as those left standing could get him on a horse. So no.”

Essentially, they didn’t know shit. It was unclear how many had been caught in the blast, and which of their soldiers were still amongst the living. Levi drummed his fingers over the wood. The gray on the horizon was reluctantly giving way to dusty blue.

He turned, “If you just pushed the horses a-”

“Mr. Ackerman! Sir! The cart cannot go any faster!” The soldier immediately ducked her head. Gripping the reins in a tight grasp, she hunched forward and added, quieter. “I’ll get you there as soon as I can, sir.”

Levi huffed a frustrated sigh. “Fine.”

The cart was creaking monstrously, even moving at a crawl. And it wasn’t like he could get out and run. Early on, he’d debated saddling one of the horses and riding ahead – but even if his injury allowed it, Hanji would kill him if he left the pastor. It wouldn’t do to have such a valuable resource wandering around unguarded.

Thinking about Hanji made his stomach turn. She’d been leading the squad that was attacked. And she wasn’t one to sit on the sidelines while her subordinates fought. Whatever had happened up on that wall, she’d undoubtedly been leading the charge.

According to the useless messenger, her fate was unknown.

“Are you worried about your wife?”

The question shocked him out of his musings.

Levi looked up, “My what?”

But the pastor was already speaking, “You’re obviously beside yourself with stress – and it’s understandable. Not knowing if your wife has survived-”

Levi cut him off, “My what?”

The pastor hesitated, apparently realizing he’d made some mistake, but misunderstanding precisely what it was. “Your…wife? The woman we traveled with before? She’s ah – forceful. You two, uh – have the same, er – strident personality. When we first met, she dangled me off the wall.”

It all clicked.

“Hanji? My wife?”

The soldier driving looked over her shoulder. Her eyes were wide and her eyebrows were rapidly rising into her bangs.

Levi jabbed his finger towards the road. “You focus on driving! We’re going fucking slow enough as it is.” He turned back to the pastor with a frown, “And you - where the fuck did you-“

The pastor’s gaze had been flicking rapidly between Levi and their driver. Halfway through Levi’s speech, he leaned forward, expression grim, “Then the rumors are true. Survey Corps members aren’t allowed to have relations. I apologize for unintentionally revealing your relationship.” The pastor’s gaze shifted toward the soldier. “I’m sure she won’t tell.”

Their driver chanced another furtive glance over her shoulder.

“You.” Levi pointed emphatically at her. “Turn the fuck around.”

Scowling, he turned back to the pastor. “And what? That’s not even – Erwin doesn’t give a shit if his soldiers are married, or fucking, or whatever.” Levi paused, pinching the bridge of his nose to ward off an impending headache. “And Hanji and I are not married.”

The cart’s wheels clattered and groaned over the rough stone.

Levi dragged a weary hand over his face.

“Ah. You don’t have funds for the ceremony,” The pastor concluded, somber.

Levi froze. Hand pressed over his lips, he muttered a flat, “What.”

“With the price of wedding ceremonies, I’ve heard tale that many – soldiers especially – have been foregoing them of late. But with the danger you face on a daily basis, forgive me for saying it – but I believe it’s a mistake to risk your souls simply because you can’t spare the coin for the ceremony.”

Levi blinked. The pastor had to be fucking with him. “You’ve gotta be-”

“I’ll perform it. Free of charge.”

Levi’s sentence disintegrated into an undignified noise of confusion. “You – I – what?”

“Once this is through. I’ll perform a marriage ceremony for you both, free of charge.” The pastor shifted in his seat, apparently uneasy. “I know we don’t – er – see eye to eye. But you seem like decent people. I can’t give you what you want. But I can give you this at least.”

Levi blinked. He was vaguely aware that his mouth had fallen open. The pastor was staring at him, eyes wide and mouth drawn up in an earnest line.

Levi closed his mouth, opened it, and closed it again. It wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t even fucking worth it. Closing his eyes, he sighed. “Yeah, sure. Whatever.” Folding forward, he braced his elbows on his knees. His shoes were scuffed. His left loafer had accumulated a splattering of mud, but he was too fucking tired to clean it up.

Hands clasped, he stared at the weathered wood rocking beneath his feet. “Don’t even know if she’s alive.”

A pause. “Ah.”

Levi wiggled his toes, halfheartedly working the leather of his shoes to see if the mud might crack. He’d managed to avoid thinking about Hanji for the better part of the trip. But the sun was steadily rising, and based on the surrounding terrain, which was growing more visible by the minute, their distance from the wall was apparent. As the sun wavered into existence on the horizon, Levi considered a life without Hanji.

The light in the room across the hall wouldn’t flicker on at odd hours, a beacon answering his own irregular sleeping habits. It would be quiet. Even if – when they moved someone else in, he knew it would be too god damn quiet. There would be an empty sliver of space beside him at meals – the space that Hanji liked to squeeze into, wiggling in and violently bumping shoulders as she rushed in, always too late to find a good seat in the mess hall. The bottle of amber liquor in his room would surely be neglected. It was only touched when she’d wander over, well after the living-quarters had gone quiet. Somehow, she could always tell when grief gathered like a coiled spring in his chest and he needed to talk. And when words failed him – as they often did – she was more than happy to fill the silence.

Levi clenched his fists.

Fuck.

“Do you – do you believe in fate?”

Levi spared the pastor a glance. “God no.”

Pastor Nick nodded, as though he’d expected Levi’s answer. “Well I do.”

“Good for you.”

“And well, maybe it’s not fate – exactly. But I believe that she will come back to you.”

“Sorry to break it to you Pastor, but you don’t know shit. The life we live, sometimes – hell – most of the time, people don’t come back.”

“Admittedly, my life has been very different than yours – but I do believe that love is a powerful motivator. I know your – our – enemies are great. But…it’s something.

Levi decided the pastor clearly had no fucking idea what he was talking about; even so, against his every instinct, he lifted his head. “Love.”

“She clearly loves you.”

Levi went hot then cold. He felt – he didn’t know what he felt. Hanji was a companion. A constant in an impermanent existence. She was the neighbor across the hall, a confidant and his chosen drinking companion. When they returned from a particularly gruesome expedition, when ranks had broken and too many good soldiers had been lost, hers was the first face he sought in the crowd.

All his life, he’d focused on survival. Love – the kind that the Pastor seemed to be implying – was a novelty he’d never had the luxury of entertaining.

“Just before she left, she looked to you. Even as soldiers ran about and mounts were prepared for a charge, she paused long enough to find you in the chaos. She looked to you for a long second. Like she wanted the memory, just in case.”

Levi’s throat choked with the memory of dust clouding the air. Horses had skittered nervously as soldiers shouted commands. It had been chaos – and through it all, he’d been looking for her too. One hand on her horse’s saddle, she’d turned, calling an order over her shoulder. Her hair whipped about her face as a mounted rider galloped past. Her brow was furrowed and she directed her soldiers with a determined frown. Levi had clenched and unclenched his hands as his legs, despite his still aching injury, itched to move. He couldn’t join her. And it was wrong – to watch her leave, when he wasn’t fit enough to follow. Amidst the chaos, he watched her, memorizing her face – just in case. 

It was all he could do.

The cart jolted, wrenching him from the memory.

The sky was blue and the wall wasn’t in sight. Levi gripped the bench. He felt ill.

“Soldier,” he ground out. “Can we go any faster?”

The soldier’s shoulders rose and fell. She shook her head and gave the reins a shake. “I’ll do what I can.”

The cart creaked and shuddered as they sped over the uneven road. Levi gripped the cart and waited, watching the horizon.

Chapter Text

Hanji ached. When she closed her eyes, she could still feel the heat of the blast, the crushing pressure, the fire singeing her skin.

They’d erected a temporary medical station atop the wall for the soldiers who had been injured by the colossal titan – and in preparation for the rescue party’s return.

Hanji had been placed in a small, dim tent. Her cot was rusted, and squeaked whenever she moved. But it didn’t much matter, considering she wasn’t doing much moving in the first place. Her skin was slathered in a smelly ointment and was given a concoction of liquids to drink every few hours. Her rest was uneasy, nightmares of heat and flashes brighter than lightning marred her sleep, and her mind shifted fitfully between aching wakefulness and hot, fiery dreams.

She was re-living another hot blast of steam when he arrived.

She sensed his presence.

There was a flicker of light and the air in the room seemed to shift. He spoke, and the grinning colossal titan disintegrated and the mist dissipated, as if it had never been.

“You look like shit.”

She opened her eyes.

Levi stood at her bedside. His hands were in his pockets and his shoulders were hunched beneath his too-large black jacket. He was pale.

Hanji smiled. “Good to see you too.” Shifting, she struggled to sit up.

Levi’s hands jerked out of his pockets. He reached for her, then stalled. His eyes shifted rapidly between the dark burns marring her skin. His hands hovered, unsure of where was safe to touch.

“Don’t worry about it, just, ah-” Hanji hissed in pain. “Just stack a few pillows behind me. There. Yeah like that.”

She sighed and leaned back.

Levi stared. “You really look like shit.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Why don’t you make yourself useful and pass me some water.”

Behind him someone cleared their throat.

Pastor Nick held out a bottle. “Is this the one? It was on the table.”

He deposited it in her lap before retreating back to the corner. There he sat down and resumed reading from a leather-bound text.

Hanji nodded toward the pastor, lifting an inquisitive brow.

Levi shook his head. “He’s just reading one of his religious texts. I already checked it out. No wall secrets that I could see.”

The pastor hummed in confirmation.

Hanji looked back to Levi. “You can sit down.”

He did, but not before he glanced back at the pastor, looking distinctly uncomfortable.

“He didn’t give you any trouble?” Hanji asked.

Levi scowled, but shook his head. “Not much.”

“I’m actually surprised to see you here,” she admitted. With his leg injury, Levi was still out of commission. There wasn’t much he could do out here at the moment. She’d honestly expected him to return to headquarters.

Levi shifted. “The soldier who brought news of the incident didn’t know shit. Everyone charged off to rescue our shifters,” he shrugged, uncomfortable, “figured I’d come back to see what the fuck happened.”

“It was exactly what we’d feared might happen. Reiner and Bertholdt were the Armored Titan and the Colossal Titan, respectively. They shifted on the wall, attacked, and ultimately fled with Erin and Ymir.”

She could hear the thunderous cracks of their shifts and feel the powerful billows of hot air.

Something touched her arm. She flinched.

Levi jerked his hand back. “I – shit. Sorry.”

“Ah no, don’t apologize. It didn’t hurt. Just surprised me – got caught up in my thoughts. I didn’t see you move.”

Reaching forward, he carefully brushed his fingers over the gauze on her arms. “How did this happen?”

Hanji had to tear her gaze away from his lingering touch.

“Eren and Reiner were fighting on the other side of the wall. I led a team down to lend support. When we were below him, Bertholdt detached from the top of the wall and emitted a powerful burst of steam that blasted out of him as he fell. All of the team below him and many on the wall were struck by it. We couldn’t get out of the way in time.”

Hanji swallowed, angrily picking at a bandage around her wrist. “While we were incapacitated, Reiner recovered, carrying Bertholdt, Eren, and Ymir with him.”

“When did the rescue party leave?”

“Five hours ago.”

“What direction did they go?”

“I directed them toward a large forest. I hypothesized that Reiner and Bertholdt might need some time to recover,” she said, shaking her head. “But I don’t know. It’s all guesswork.”

“Your guesswork is a hell of a lot better than most.”

Hanji managed a small smile. In the silence that followed, the wind whistled over the wall. The leather walls of the tent flapped in the breeze.

“You okay?” He looked at her bandaged limbs when he spoke, but she knew he was asking more than that.

“No,” She sighed, and added, “I will be. It’s just,” she hesitated, gathering her thoughts. “We knew this was a possibility. I prepared. I had a plan and a back-up plan. And it all still went to shit. I was ready, and I still lost Eren.”

“And Erwin and the others will get him back.” He sounded certain.

She closed her eyes. “At what cost? We lost soldiers here and we’re probably losing soldiers out there right now. All because I couldn’t effectively deal with the colossal titan.”

There was a heavy beat of silence.

“Are you done feeling sorry for yourself?”

She opened her eyes and glared. “No.”

Levi leaned forward, “Don’t be a fucking idiot. You’ve got a big-ass brain. Use it. Yeah we knew two of our soldiers might be shifters – but we didn’t know shit about their abilities, other than one was colossal and the other was armored. No one could have effectively planned for a face-off against them both. Not me. Not Erwin. Not you. You did as good as any of us could have done.”

Hanji took a long, slow breath and conceded, “You’re right. I know you’re right. But I keep going over it in my head. Analyzing every moment, considering if there’s something I could have done differently.” She laughed quietly, bitterly, “not that it matters now anyway.”

“You’re still talking like a fucking idiot.”

Nearby, the pastor shook his head, muttering under his breath, “That’s no way to talk to your soon to be wife.”

That snapped her out of her thoughts. Hanji’s head jerked up, “-your soon to be what?”

“It’s not – just – fuck,” grabbing her ponytail, he forcefully turned her away from the pastor, “Ignore him.”

The pastor hummed, “You should tell her about my offer. Life is short.”

Levi’s ears flushed red. He hissed, glaring murderously over his shoulder, “Shut the fuck up.”

Hanji looked at the pastor, perplexed. An offer? Could it be - had he agreed to open up about the true nature of the walls?

Levi must have read the excitement on her face. Grimacing he shook his head. “He hasn’t agreed to help us with anything useful – yet,” he ground out the last word, an unsubtle threat.

“My ceremonies were quite sought after in Stohess, actually. I even allow time for individuals to include their own vows,” the pastor said, effortlessly changing the subject.

Levi rose in one fluid motion. “Yeah, you’re gonna wait outside.” Grabbing the pastor by the front of his shirt, he dragged him up. The pastor yelped as Levi sent him stumbling out of the tent.

Hanji watched the exchange, mouth agape. It almost sounded like the pastor was talking about,“…Levi, is he offering to-?”

“He’s an old, senile bastard and I think you rattled a few brain cells loose when you hung him off the wall,” Levi muttered. The tips of his ears were cherry red.

“Ah.”

Hanji almost left it at that. Almost. But he looked so damn uncomfortable. She couldn’t help herself.

“Is there any particular reason why our friend Pastor Nick wants to marry us?”

Levi closed his eyes and groaned, quiet. He hissed under his breath, “Like I said, he’s confused.”

Hanji smiled, teasing, “I had no idea you felt that way about me.”

Levi stilled. Gray eyes flicked up and met her gaze. He didn’t breathe.

Oh.

A shock snapped through her.

Hanji opened her mouth, though she had no idea of what she intended to say. She half-wished she had the power to draw the words back, pluck them from the air, and swallow them down whole. In the years they’d known each other, they’d never once shared a truly uncomfortable moment. Now, the silence was unbearably heavy. The very air felt electrified and tense.

As she did not have the ability to magically draw back her words, Hanji cleared her throat, sat up a little straighter and forged on.

“Levi – I,” she hesitated, “I never thought – do you really feel…?” She stopped, leaving the question hanging awkwardly between them.

Levi wasn’t  one to talk about himself, but he’d never been one to keep things from her either, and Hanji felt inexplicably betrayed - though she knew she was the worst kind hypocrite for feeling so.

Levi’s next exhale was a quiet swear. He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and stared fixedly at the patterns on her bedsheet. “I didn’t realize, not until-” he paused, gesturing inarticulately at their surroundings. He swore again. “I’m a fucking idiot. Just – it won’t change anything.”

Hanji sat, struggling to process. This – this was new to her. It occurred to her that she’d never been in such a position in her life.

“Why,” she swallowed, “me?” Her throat felt unbearably dry.

He blinked once, twice, completely taken aback. “Fuck. Seriously?”

“It was an honest question!” she snapped back.

He opened his mouth. Closed it. He hesitated, brows furrowing. Finally, he started, “I can’t – It’s just – shit.” He huffed a frustrated breath. “The bench in the mess hall feels empty when you’re not there fucking sandwiched against me, stabbing me with your bony-ass elbows.”

Hanji breathed, “Oh.”

Levi stared forward. He wouldn’t meet her eyes. Back stiff, he leaned forward, gripping his knees in a white-knuckled grasp.

When Levi had careened into her life, she’d taken an instant liking to him. And as the years passed and they spent countless hours training together, sharing stories during meals, and talking and drinking into the early dawn hours, she had come to count his friendship as her most cherished relationship. And what did it matter if other feelings had grown at some point, nourished at the hands of deep, satisfying friendship? They were easy enough to push aside. Levi clearly wasn’t interested. And his companionship had always been enough. More than enough.

Hanji ached. Her skin was raw and it felt like it had been stretched too tight over her body. She lifted her arm and hissed in pain.

Levi looked up, alarmed. “What are you-?”

Fingers trembling from the exertion, she settled her hand over Levi’s white-knuckled fist.

Though her skin throbbed, she managed a small smile. “You’re the idiot.”

He went still again. He blinked and gray eyes met her gaze. “I am,” he stated, narrowing his eyes in silent question.

She nodded. Pressing her lips together, she steeled herself for what was coming next. She closed her eyes. “Levi, I’ve always-”

A horn blared.

Her eyes snapped open. A long, single blare. It could only mean one thing: the rescue party had been spotted. Erwin and the others were riding for the wall.

Levi stiffened at the sound. He half rose and then stopped, hesitating. He looked to her, indecision written in the sharp crease between his brows.

She shook her head. “Go – make sure they’re readying the lifts!”

Levi stared at her a half-second longer, and then he turned with a quiet curse. Sunlight flashed bright in the dark tent as he ducked outside.

Hanji stared after him, sunspots dancing in her eyes.

Erwin and the rescue party would arrive back, and she’d learn if they had been successful – if Eren and Ymir were safe – if there had been many casualties. Hanji squeezed the blankets. Guilt lingered, an intangible weight upon her shoulders. She felt guiltier still when amidst the chaos of the rescue party’s impending return, her thoughts strayed, unbidden, back to Levi and the secret she’d very nearly shared.

She loved him. Of course, she loved him. It was years ago that she’d realized. But she’d never imagined he would-

Outside the tent, there was a shout. They needed medics.

Hanji shook her head, clearing the thoughts away. Now wasn’t the time. Later.

Grinding her teeth, she forced herself up. Her body burned. She wouldn’t be much use, but she could take directions from the medics. Steeling herself, she pushed through the tent flap and entered the light.

Chapter Text

The rescue party made it back. At least, some of them made it back. Levi helped man the lifts as haggard soldiers were drawn up to the wall. They had succeeded in retrieving Jaeger, but over half of their soldiers had been lost on the plain.

The temporary medical stations were at capacity. Levi had yet to be briefed on exactly what had occurred beyond the wall, but soldiers filled the small tents, nursing injuries from whatever horrors they’d faced on the retrieval mission.

The 104^th cadets were subdued. In between securing lifts, Levi saw a group of them sitting, recovering together. Arlert rubbed at his eyes. His cheeks were ruddy with fresh tears. Springer huddled, knees drawn up against his chest. The young looking one –  Christa – sat beside him. Eyes vacant, she turned periodic looks over the wall, back from where they’d come. And Jaeger sat at the edge of the group. Eyes wide, he watched the medical tents fill with growing horror.

Hanji wasn’t alone in her guilt. Someone would have to talk to Jaeger and the rest of the kids. They’d never get anywhere if they went on blaming themselves for all the shit the Survey Corps went though. Though he could talk to them, Levi doubted he was what they needed. He’d attempted motivational speeches before. Rarely anyone but Hanji understood them.

With Hanji on his mind, Levi deftly tied down the lift and turned back in the direction of her tent. With the influx of injured soldiers, they’d likely filled her small tent too. In all likelihood she was fine, but Levi wanted to make sure she hadn’t done something stupid like give up her bed. Though Hanji’s wounds were serious enough, she’d recover. But that didn’t mean she should be moving any more than was necessary.

As he skirted tents and dodged medical personnel, Levi allowed himself a moment to think about the monstrous fuck-up of a situation he’d managed to create hours before. He’d gone and - of all things - confessed his fucking feelings to her.

It was over and done with. Not like he could take it back now. But still…fuck.

It hadn’t been more than a few hours since the bastard pastor’s meddling had forced Levi to confront his latent feelings. And Levi, like a fucking loser, had gone and revealed them to Hanji within minutes of their reunion. He should have done a better job of guarding his expression. She’d always been able to read him.

And then there was her response to consider. What the hell was he supposed to make of that?

‘Why…me?’

What would make her ask a question like that?

And then, ‘Levi, I’ve always-”

She’d always what?

Valued his friendship?

Known he was a moony idiot?

Suspected he was secretly an emotional fool?

Levi sighed, frustrated. This is why he didn’t do shit like this. There was a reason he had like two friends. He was fucking awful at relationships of any kind.

Irritated, he slapped the flap of the tent aside – and halted.

He scanned the faces of the soldiers on the ground. None seemed too gravely injured. But the tent was missing one very important face.

“Where the fuck is she?”

The soldiers stared at him, wide-eyed and confused.

One of the soldiers at last spoke, “Um, Mr. Levi, who exactly are you-?

Levi didn’t wait for him to finish. Smacking the flap back, Levi marched outside. He turned a circle, glaring at the surrounding faces. With his hands in his pockets, he marched between tents. Occasionally he stopped, pausing to duck his head into a tent and frown inside. No Hanji.

At one point one of the medical personnel brought up Levi’s leg injury, and suggested that he stop walking around. Levi glared until the man retreated into a nearby tent.

Levi craned his neck, looking up and down the camp. They were on a twenty-foot-wide wall. Where the fuck could she have gone? Besides dropping off the wall, there was nowhere to go – and though she had been known to be an impulsive fool, even she wasn’t so foolish as that.

As the thought crossed his mind, Levi’s gaze drifted to the edge of the wall, and he froze.

Motherfucker.

There she was. Standing right on the god damn edge of the wall. Hand stretched out, she was helping a few straggling soldier’s off a lift.

Levi marched toward her.

The last of the soldiers had been loaded off the lift and Hanji knelt by the edge, securing it down. Gusts of wind battered the wall. The lift swayed, groaning. Bracing a hand against it, Hanji’s hair whipped up as the gust tore through.

Levi hurriedly skirted the last remaining tent – if she hadn’t secured the lift well, and the wind dragged it out, Hanji could easily be pulled off the wall.

Levi was halfway to her when the wind died down. The lift settled, and Hanji, carefully balancing on the edge, finished the tie.

Holding a hand to her head, she took a deep breath and stood. Pale, she blinked twice. And then her eyes fluttered closed. She swayed.

Levi shoved a soldier out of the way and ran. She was going to fall.

Hanji tipped back on her heels and-

Levi slapped a hand over her wrist and yanked.

Her eyes snapped open as she fell forward. Levi stumbled back, and she crumpled into his open arms.

His leg gave a twinge as he took two rapid steps back from the edge. Holding her against his chest, he dropped unsteadily to the ground.

Someone shouted, “Corporal Ackerman! Is everything-”

“It’s fine! I’ve got it!”

Muttering a string of curses under his breath, Levi turned to face her.

“Shit. Fucking shit.” Holding Hanji, Levi stared at the edge of the wall.  “What the hell. What the fucking hell were you thinking?”

Holding her arm where her bandages had frayed, Hanji winced.  “I was helping.”

“Helping? How? By almost falling to your death? I mean shit. You’re not wearing any gear. I’m not fucking wearing any gear. Maria, Sina, and fucking Rose, if you’d dropped then-” Levi’s voice caught. He couldn’t even finish the sentence.

Hanji averted her eyes. She had the grace to look guilty.

“The tent was full and I was feeling better. The dizziness caught me off guard.”

“Caught you off guard? Fucking-” Levi stopped, closed his eyes, and took a breath. “Where the fuck is your assistant? The poor son of a bitch is apparently ninety percent of your impulse control.”

“I, er- wanted to investigate Connie’s village. But since I was, ah, having trouble moving, Moblit made me stay and he went in my stead.”

Levi looked to the sky. He had no words. No fucking words. Was he going to have to ask Erwin to supply her with a second paranoid assistant? Christ.

Hanji cleared her throat. “Thanks…Levi.”

He shook his head. “You’re fucking lucky I was already looking for you.” He made to rise. “Come on, let’s get you back to the medics.”

“Ah – Levi?”

Her voice was so sharp that Levi froze, automatically looking down to see if he’d somehow hurt her.

“I just need a moment. Just a moment to breathe. Still a little light headed.”

Dragging her even further from the edge, Levi helped her onto her back. “Don’t move. I’ll have someone bring a stretcher.”

“Levi!”

She snagged his sleeve.

He looked down.

She stared up, watching him with wide eyes. She opened her mouth, hesitated, and closed it again. Brows furrowing, she squeezed her eyes closed.

When she opened them she spoke, voice subdued, as though she’d changed her mind. “I’m planning on meeting Moblit at the village. If you leave with Eren and the other scouts, I might not see you until I get back to headquarters.”

Levi had been toying with the idea of taking Eren and Christa (or was she Historia now?) somewhere off the grid, at least until the ramifications from Bertholdt and Reiner’s betrayal made themselves known. If Hanji was going to the village and he was going to be getting the kids set up somewhere away from the city, he wasn’t sure when they’d next see each other. The thought made him pause.

Ignoring the ache in his leg, Levi crouched down beside her. He licked his lips, and forced himself to ask, “Four-eyes. Earlier, you said ‘Why me.’” He frowned. “Why the fuck would you say that?”

Hanji chuckled mirthlessly. “Not a very gentlemanly thing to do. Asking a lady such personal questions when she’s in a vulnerable state.”

Levi’s brushed his fingers over her gauze-wrapped arm and said, “I’m not a gentleman.” Though even as he said it, he made to stand. “Never mind. I’ll get that stretcher.”

Her hand wrapped around his wrist.

Head turned from him, she stared fixedly down at smooth stone. “I’ve never been,” her voice wavered, “the easiest person to like.”

Levi felt like he’d been doused in ice water. “Who said that?” he demanded. He pictured a group of young soldiers talking and joking as they cleaned their gear. Hanji overhearing them as she passed in the hall-

“No one. It’s easy enough to see.”

“Bullshit.” Levi glared down at her. “Yeah, you can be a pain in the ass, and too impulsive for your own good sometimes,” Levi said, frowning pointedly at the edge of wall she’d very nearly taken a swan-dive off of, “but I like you just fine.” He cleared his throat. “More than fine.”

“You like me just fine?” Hanji’s lips were curving into a tentative smile. She looked up at him fondly.

“More than fine,” he repeated – and then she was really smiling.

“Careful now, I’ll start to blush.”

“You know I’m shit with words.”

When she replied, her voice was gentle. “I know.” Taking a breath, she winced and pushed up. Propping herself up on bandaged elbows, she met his eyes. “Levi I-” she spoke, voice rough, “I’ve always-”

And here it was. Levi listened, heart pounding faster than it had any right to.

Hanji stopped. Licking her lips, she started again. “I’ve always-” her voice cracked and she stopped once more.

She let her head fall back with a swear. Her neck, bare and raw with burns, moved as she worked to speak. “Sometimes, I can be shit with words too.”

And it was surely a sign of how out of depth they both were, because Levi was the one who put his foot in his mouth, who said all the wrong things. But now, Hanji was struggling - at a loss for words. It was something that simply didn’t happen, least of all in conversation with him. He wanted to stop this – to save her, but words were her realm, and Levi didn’t know how.

She blinked, and suddenly her eyes were glassy. She blinked again and water welled in the corners of those large brown eyes. Another blink, and tears rolled disgraced tracks down her ruddy cheeks. She tilted her head back and muttered a heartfelt, “Shit.”

And Levi knew, he must be the worst kind of human. Even in the face of her pain, the right words would not come to him. The words existed, he knew, that would stop her tears and make everything better. But good words – gentle words of kindness and encouragement were a language of their own. Growing up, he’d missed the lessons on their use.

Painfully aware of his own silence, Levi reached for his neck. Steady fingers worked the knot from his cravat and unwound the material. He folded the crisp, white cloth and carefully lifted it to her face. Starting from her jaw, where the tears had the audacity to collect, Levi gently brushed the cloth up one side of her face and then the other.

Hanji didn’t move, didn’t breathe, as he carefully dabbed at the corner of her right eye and then her left.

Levi didn’t have the words. He would never have the words. But he could, at least, do this.

Hanji’s eyes, so sharp, so penetrating, seemed to peer straight into whatever offending wisps Levi imagined remained of his soul. He didn’t dare look away.

She jerked up, and before he could react, her hand was against him, pressing firmly against his chest. Silent, with brows drawn together and lips set in a thin, serious line, she splayed her fingers where her palm rested, directly over his heart.

Hand settled firmly against him, she looked up and met his gaze.

Oh.

She’d always-

The hand over his heart pressed, insistent.

His heart hammered faster in his chest and his cheeks heated. He understood.

Levi’s answer was a lifted hand, pressed firmly over hers. He squeezed and he could feel his own heavy heartbeats through her flat palm.

Hanji smiled. She understood too. Of course she understood.

The silence was at last broken by her quiet, happy laughter. “Not the best timing, but I’m glad we’ve got that settled. Just know that I don’t foresee myself changing my mind, Levi. Not about this. I’ll stick with you for as long as you want me.”

“Always,” he answered, automatic, like a lovesick fool.

But she didn’t laugh. Instead, she blinked once, then smiled, “Alright.”

Levi looked at her, and felt ridiculously warm and stupid, and maybe a little light-headed. He felt every inch an emotional ass, and said without a thought, “Was this a proposal?”

And then she was laughing. As she laughed, she clutched at the bandages around her torso, and Hanji winced and tried to breathe.

Embarrassed, he turned away.

She grabbed the front of his shirt.

“Wait, Levi – I’m not laughing at you. It’s just funny – I have no idea about any of this. It’s all new to me. For us, this may have been as good as a proposal.”

Levi nodded, thinking. From his limited knowledge of the subject, he could only remember a few vague things. “Were there supposed to be rings?”

“Yes. But we don’t need anything like that.”

Levi found that he agreed. Rings would be a symbol for everyone else. They didn’t need to prove anything.

And then Hanji was speaking. “For all our pastor friend has been teasing about marriage, I’m not sure that’s something I would ever want.”

Levi didn’t need – or necessarily want to put on a display like that anyway. He shrugged, “So long as you break the news to the poor bastard. He’s become oddly fixated on this.”

Hanji smiled, sad. “He’s lost a lot. A church and a congregation, all in one day. I think he just wanted something, you know?”

It….made a lot of sense. Levi considered Pastor Nick’s actions in a new light.

He felt like a dick.

“…well, maybe we’ll let him perform a token ceremony, or whatever. No one has to know.”

Hanji hummed in agreement. She brushed her fingers over his cheeks.

He closed his eyes at the touch.

“You’re kinder than anyone gives you credit for.”

He blew out a breath. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t go and tattle on me.”

Before he could change his mind, he turned his head and pressed a fleeting kiss to her fingertips.

“Oh.”

She stared up at him, cheeks flushed. Taking a breath, she resumed tracing his cheek. Emboldened, her fingers traced down his jaw, and then back up. Skirting his ear, she brushed them through his hair.

“When you take the kids,” she said without preamble, “make sure you find somewhere far from the city. After everything that’s happened – I’m concerned.” She gazed at him, serious. “And be careful when you come back to headquarters. I’ll meet you there as soon as I finish my investigation of Connie’s village.”

“Watch your back out there. Something’s fucked up about that whole situation.”

“I know. It’s almost as if-” Hanji bit her lip and shook her head, “It’s strange. I’ll get to the bottom of it.”

If anyone could, it would be her.

Levi looked up at the sound of footsteps. Two medical personnel were making their way over with a stretcher.

Grabbing her hand, Levi squeezed, and guided it gently down to her side.

Levi stepped aside as they loaded her into the stretcher, quietly berating her for ignoring their orders of rest.

As they lifted her, Levi reached out, tucking an errant hair behind her ear. It was a parting touch.

Standing at the edge of the wall, Levi watched as they walked her back to the camp. The lifts on the other side of the wall were already in use, carting soldiers down to prepare for the journey back to headquarters.

Levi would need to track down Eren and Christa, and maybe a few of the other kids too. If he was going to hide them, they’d need to leave sooner rather than later. He’d get them set up in a safe house and then he’d return home, where, depending on the ease of her investigation, Hanji might already be waiting.

If the world was kind, he’d have a few uninterrupted weeks with her – before missions beyond the wall or politics in the capital demanded their attention. Levi wasn’t one to waste time hoping for groundless things. They would either have the time – or they wouldn’t. Levi rarely had things to hope for – and imagining long afternoons and late evening spent in her company seemed an absurdly decadent hope.

He closed his eyes and remembered the feeling of her fingers tracing his jaw, the texture of her hand beneath his lips.

To hope was to court disappointment.

Nonetheless, he hoped.