Chapter Text
Amidst Louise’s incessant squawking, Tyler’s hyperactivity, and endless cups of coffee supplied by Phil, the exam season comes and goes. Dan thinks he did pretty okay, all things considered - good enough to end up with a fairly decent transcript, even if he’s still playing around with the notion of dropping out of university. He’s not even sure what he’d do, after, yet the idea of treading on through a law degree exhausts him more than he’d like to admit.
“Earth to Dan. Dannnn. DAN!”
Dan blinks. “What?”
Louise, sitting across from him, looks peeved. Dan tries for a sheepish smile. “Sorry?”
She huffs. “It’s like talking to a wall, sometimes. I said, how did your exams go?”
“Uh, they were fine, I think.”
“TERRIBLE,” Tyler proclaims. He slides into the booth with a dramatic flourish, shucking off his sunglasses and wiggling his eyebrows. “Now, where’s my hello? I’m sure you’ve missed me to pieces after years of not meeting up - ”
Dan snorts. “Ty, the exam season was two weeks long. And besides, I saw you literally two days ago.”
Tyler pouts. “Fine.” And then, “Did you really not miss me?”
“No,” Louise deadpans. “What do you want me to say - that we cried over the lack of your beautiful face in our lives, every minute we endured without seeing you?”
“Yes, actually.”
“Oh my god - oh hey! Phil, talk to me so I don’t have to talk to him.”
Phil, the last of the group to arrive, looks (adorably) confused. There’s a sunhat crammed onto his head, but even beneath that Dan can see the tip of his nose peeling, just a little. He’s in an absolutely hideous striped t-shirt, and shorts that cut off right at the knee, and -
Dan loves him. Dan loves him.
“Hi.” He knows he’s grinning. He can’t be bothered to stop.
Immediately, Phil’s eyes snap to his. “Hi.” He’s smiling, too - the smile Dan knows is reserved for him, now, the smile that makes his eyes crinkle up at the corners, that makes his nose scrunch up the tiniest bit.
“God, you two are disgusting.”
Dan blinks, turns his head. “What?”
“What?” says Phil at the same time. They lock eyes again, and immediately start to giggle.
“I hate this,” Louise groans under her breath. “Ty, we never should have come, they’re insufferable - ”
There’s a question in the tilt of Phil’s head as he looks at Dan. Dan breathes in, summons up his courage, and nods.
“So,” Phil says cheerfully as he sits down. He grabs Dan’s hand, holds it aloft like he’s presenting a trophy. “Louise and Tyler, I have an important announcement to make.”
“Very important,” Dan proclaims.
“So, uh - ”
“We’re together,” Dan blurts. Phil gasps, pressing his hand to his heart (and dragging Dan’s along with it).
“Wasn’t it supposed to be me? Dan, we’ve rehearsed this!”
“You were taking too long,” Dan says, then dodges when Phil’s other hand launches to pre-smack position. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”
When they finally look back at the pair sitting across them, it’s to see Tyler grudgingly passing Louise a ten dollar bill. Louise, meanwhile, is radiating an aura that can only be described as evil-queen-smugness.
Dan’s voice reaches a pitch that would put a toddler to shame. “You guys bet on this?”
“I was of the opinion that you’d get together before the year was over,” Louise says primly. “Tyler, on the other hand - ”
“Why couldn’t you have waited till after the summer break,” Tyler groans. He droops till his face is pressed against the booth table. “Now I have to buy her coffee for a week, too.”
Rather embarrassingly, Dan can feel his ears burning. “Was it that obvious?” Even as he says it, he’s playing back all their interactions over the past year - of course it was obvious. When has Dan ever been good at hiding his affection for Phil?
“No shit,” Tyler says. “You go all heart-eyes Howell every time he comes near, dude.”
“And you,” Louise prods at Phil, “you go all love-eyes Lester.”
Phil splutters. “I - I do not!”
“You do,” Tyler asserts. “I’m pretty sure I have camera evidence, somewhere. But I won’t pull it out, ‘cause that might be creepy.”
“I’m glad you realised,” Louise says briskly. “Now, we’re both really happy for you, et cetera, et cetera. Phil, I will throw your ass into the sun if you ever break his heart.”
“Dan, I will hurt you in ways you’d never be able to fathom if you ever hurt him,” Tyler says without missing a beat, then beams.
Dan, unable to help it, laughs. The happiness in his chest is a tangible thing, even as he pulls a face at Tyler and squawks in terror as Tyler gives him a noogie. It balloons up and up and up till he almost thinks he could be floating from it, this ephemeral joy - he catches the look on Phil’s face, the spark behind those blue-green-beautiful eyes, and knows that Phil’s feeling the same.
***
Louise hugs him, tight, just before they part ways for the summer break. Dan gets a faceful of her hair as she wraps her arms around his waist (because she’s much smaller than him and that’s all she can reach). She smells like lavender, and as Dan reaches down to put his arms around her shoulders, he can’t help the wave of wistfulness that washes over him.
“I’m gonna miss you, you dolt.”
Dan tightens his grip. “Yeah, me too.”
When Louise pulls back, her eyes are shimmering, just a little. Dan pretends he doesn’t notice.
“You make him happy, you know.”
Dan feels a blush rising to his cheeks. “What?”
“Don’t act dumb,” Louise says, smiling to soften the blow. “You know who I’m talking about.”
“Yeah, well.” Dan turns to look at Phil, who’s currently being embraced by a weeping Tyler across the platform. “He makes me happy too.”
“You’re good for each other,” Louise says softly. She takes hold of his hand in both of hers, and presses it with a sincerity that takes Dan aback, just a little. “Treat him well, alright?”
“I will.” Unable to help himself, Dan pulls her into a hug again. Louise laughs, and Dan feels himself smiling, too.
“Group hug!” Tyler yells, and that’s all the warning they get before another body crashes into them, laughing and crying both at once. There’s a precarious moment where they all tip, nearly losing their collective balance, before a fourth pair of arms arrives, steadying them just in time. Dan tilts his head to see Phil on the other side, grinning from ear to ear even as he blinks suspiciously hard.
Dan, enveloped in warmth and the people he loves the most, closes his eyes. Louise squawks about safety, and public nuisances, then squawks some more when they overbalance dangerously again. Tyler bawls about how much he’s going to miss all of them, about how they have to call at least twice a week, or he’ll have a breakdown at home. Phil laughs along, commiserates with Louise, promises Tyler he’ll call. His arm snakes around behind Tyler’s back and finds Dan’s hand, twining their fingers.
Dan smiles.
***
Dan Howell is a mess.
Not just any mess, either. He’s a mess who doesn’t know where he wants to go or what he wants to do in life. He’s a mess who’s disappointed his parents, his teachers, and even himself. He’s confused, generally incompetent, and a chronic overworrier.
But maybe that’s okay.
Because he’s getting there, he thinks. He has people who love him unconditionally, and that makes all the difference in the world. He has Phil, whose reassuring presence gets Dan through the day. He has his youth, and he has options, and he has time to figure out what he’d like to do with his life.
He can afford to make mistakes, and isn’t that such a luxury?
“Penny for your thoughts?”
Phil slides into the seat opposite Dan, pushing a cup of iced coffee over as he does. His knees nudge Dan’s, and Dan mindlessly shifts to hook his leg around Phil’s, pulling him closer.
“You can have all of my thoughts, free of charge.”
Phil’s face scrunches up, and Dan watches, fondness ballooning helplessly somewhere behind his ribcage. “Knowing what your thoughts are like, maybe not. Maybe you should pay me to take them instead.”
“You’re absolutely right,” Dan says. “Anyway - no, I wasn’t having an existential crisis. I spoke to the career counsellor, like you said I should.”
Phil smiles. “How did it go?”
“Well, you know how my scholarship covers the first two years of study? She said that if I hadn’t decided what I wanted to do, I could take my second year to explore different courses and find out.” Dan looks down at the wooden countertop, tries not to fidget. “I could change my major if I wanted to, or I could remain undeclared. But there are some really interesting classes in philosophy, media, and gender studies, so I think I’ll start trying this semester.”
There’s a silence. When Dan looks up again, oddly nervous, Phil’s beaming so wide it’s a wonder his face doesn’t split in half.
“I’m so proud of you.”
Dan drops his gaze, ears burning. “I - thank you.” He knows that, even without Phil having to say it. The pride is evident in the way Phil looks at him, in the press of Phil’s knee against his own.
“Also, that means you’ll be around for at least another year, won’t you?”
Dan can’t help the smile that spreads across his face. “Yes, Phil, you spork. Yes, I’ll be here.”
“Excellent,” Phil proclaims. “One more year of getting you to do my bidding. And my laundry.”
Dan gasps, pressing a hand to his heart. “I knew it. I knew you only wanted me for free labour.”
“Why, of course.” Phil smirks. “Now hurry up, we’re going to be late to Louise’s.”
Dan rolls his eyes, tries to tamp down on the urge to grin. “Fine, fine. Let’s go.”
So Dan Howell is a mess. But so is Phil, and so are his friends, and as he’s coming to realise - so is everyone else in the universe. Maybe the universe is a great big fucking mess, but maybe that’s okay.
He’ll figure everything out with Phil by his side.
***end***