Chapter Text
“Come out and play, Merlin.”
Morgana knew.
Merlin’s stomach dropped to his feet and his eyes shot wide.
“Come out and protect your little kingdom.”
Oh, God.
Morgana knew.
He shook from his head to his toes as Gaius rushed to his side from across the throne room. Morgana’s disembodied voice echoed throughout the castle, sending chills down everyone’s spines. Whoever had taught her the cast voice spell really deserved a sword through the hand. She was scarily good at it. Everyone seated in the large chamber turned to look at him, and the one man that Merlin cared for most he couldn’t bring himself to look at. Morgana’s men had been stationed all around Camelot for days now, trying to starve them out. But Morgana had waited long enough.
How she knew he had no idea. Who she had tortured it out of or bribed, he didn’t know. Perhaps now he never would.
“Merlin?” it was Gwaine’s voice that broke the horrible silence, but Merlin couldn’t look at him either. In fact, he couldn’t meet anyone’s curious stare. The ground, the columns, the ceiling, the storm outside the windows and the fires burning beyond that. Anything but his friends, his family, the people he had sacrificed so much for.
They deserved that much from him, after everything he had done, but he never had been very good at following the rules.
“Merlin.” Arthur this time, and his voice was firm. A chair scraped across the floor and footsteps followed. “Merlin, what was she talking about?”
The warlock didn’t answer. The tears jumping into his eyes were making it hard to formulate any kind of response and even if he did it wouldn’t pass the lump of emotions clogging his throat. His eyes burned as he stared at the doors, his only escape without fully flashing a giant banner for all to see. He could run, possibly, but what was the point? Morgana would tell them all anyway.
“Merlin.” It was a forceful tone now, like Arthur got when he was really worried, which Merlin would have teased him for had the situation not been so dire. “Tell me. Now.”
“Sire-,” Gaius started.
“I want him to answer.” The King cut the man off quickly. “That’s an order, Merlin.”
Merlin’s smile was bitter as he croaked, “You know as well as I that I have never been one to follow your orders.”
But even he could hear the brokenness of his voice, how shattered he sounded and probably looked. The tears were clouding his vision and he had a small second of thinking to magic them away since there was no use hiding anymore. Something inside him however kept him from saying anything. Perhaps it was still the ingrained instinct to hide, hide, hide! Perhaps still it was the fear of the consequences. Either way, he pushed the thought away as quickly as it had come and continued to stare off at anything other than his king.
“Merlin.” Gaius clenched his arm tighter.
The warlock swallowed. “I can’t.”
Arthur reached forward and grabbed his wrist. “What? What’s wrong? Is she threatening you? Me? Merlin, what’s going on?”
“I can’t,” he muttered, and he pulled out of both men’s holds. He shook his head, closing his eyes tightly. The tears slipped down his face before he could catch them and he backed away further, further, closer to the door and his escape. “You’ll hate me.”
Arthur scoffed, but there was a caution to it as if his worry was getting the better of him. “I could never hate you.”
“Yes, you could.” Merlin laughed the way a crazed man did when he knew the end was near. “Oh, Arthur, you can hate me more than you will ever know.”
“Tell me and I will decide!” the king snapped, and finally his servant looked at him. Arthur stared, and Merlin was shocked to find tears swimming in those precious blue irises too. “Do you not trust me?”
His magic was bubbling just below the surface as if it knew that it couldn’t be restrained much longer. His breathin was increasing by the minute and he could hear his heart pounding in his ears. “Of course I trust you.” Merlin glanced around the room, at his friends. At Mordred. Then back to Arthur. Always back to Arthur. “But… you’ll kill me.”
He blinked twice before Merlin’s words really hit him. “K…kill you? How on earth can you think that? Merlin, just tell me and I will put your worries to rest! Just tell me what-,”
“I HAVE MAGIC!” Merlin blurted it out faster than he could think, faster than he could say no. immediately, his hands clamped over his mouth and he retreated further, father from home, from belonging, from those he loved most. He had lost them now.
As he looked into his king’s eyes, Merlin knew he had lost him too.
“What?” Arthur’s golden brows furrowed in confusion. “Mer… Merlin, what on earth? Why would you say something like that?”
“It’s true.” He whimpered in reply, still backing towards the door, towards his escape. If he ran now, he might be able to make it out of the city and defeat Morgana before the knights caught up with him. “But I’m not evil, Arthur, I promise. I’ve only ever done it to protect you and this kingdom. I’ve never tried to hurt you or- or-,”
“Magic killed my father.” the queen spoke up, and Merlin jerked, his eyes moving to hers. There was anger there, but even Gwen could still find warmth in her heart when she was angry. Merlin held onto that hope.
“I did not harm your father, Gwen. The people who did that- I had no idea who they were, I promise-,”
“And how do we know that?” Leon questioned, and his fellow knights glared at him as if he were insane. “Don’t act like that. Magic can be used in all sorts of hideous ways. Merlin could be-,”
“Merlin is Merlin!” Gwaine said slowly, as if Leon was a child. “He wouldn’t hurt a-,”
“You were the sorcerer who killed Uther.” Arthur interrupted, and all grew quiet again. His voice was soft and Merlin could hear the anger bristling at the edges. The concern had disappeared into fury, and his eyes were no longer a calm sea but almost matched the raging storm outside the rattling windows.
“No…” Merlin swallowed, unable to stop the tears. “Your father was already dying, Arthur, there was nothing I could do t-!”
Arthur’s sword was out of its sheath before Merlin could blink. “You let him die.”
“No!” it was Gaius this time, trying to grab his king’s wrist to halt the shining weapon that had saved so many lives from stealing the one that really deserved the praise. “My Lord, please-,”
“You’re a traitor to this kingdom.” Arthur cut him off, pulling forcefully away from the elder.
“Arthur, please, let me explain. I am magic. I’ve had it for-,” the fist slammed into his chin faster than he could recognize the danger. Merlin tumbled to the floor, the gasp a late reaction as shock filled him. Arthur had never hit him before, not to intentionally hurt him.
“Get out.” Arthur seethed. “Get out and never come back. If I see your face again I will run you through without a second thought.”
“Arthur, please, let him explain!” Gaius shouted, but froze when Arthur lifted his sword.
“Do you wish for the same fate, physician?”
“Arthur hold on!” Gwaine stood too, slowly inching towards them. “Merlin has been nothing but loyal for the past 9 years! Why would he-,”
“He’s been biding his time.” The monarch yelled, and the sword was under Merlin’s chin in a heartbeat. “My father, Morgana… give me one good reason why I should not strike you down you where you stand.”
Merlin swallowed, the tears in his eyes making his throat scream. “Arthur-,”
“Do not address me like you are my equal, bastard. I am a-!”
“You’re the only friend I’ve got.” The sorcerer croaked. “Arthur, you’re the only friend I have, and I couldn’t bear to lose you.”
The king froze then. His eyes widened, and he stared at Merlin with a mixture of fear and realization. The anger was still there, make no mistake, but there was doubt too. And that, that was enough for Merlin. The warlock failed to muster up a smile, but forced out, “I’m happy to be your servant until the day I die, Sire.” The upturn of his lips was bitter at the title. “And if that day is today, then I will die happy, knowing that I did all that I could with the power I had.”
The sword fell. “Get out.”
“Arthur-,” Gaius tried again, but Merlin knew not to test his luck.
Merlin stood. “It’s alright, Gaius.” He whispered, and the man’s eyes locked with his. His adopted father stared back, tears glistening as they ran down his face. “We both knew I wasn’t born to live happily ever after. It was only a matter of time…”
Arthur glanced up, brows furrowing, but not in anger. “What-,”
“Thank you, Your Majesty.” Merlin bowed his head in respect, and he had never been so sincere and genuine in his entire life. “I wouldn’t change a thing.”
And he looked back up, but Arthur had turned his face away.
The warlock nodded with a sad smile.
“Arthur, this is nonsense!” Gwaine ran forward to grab Arthur’s shoulder. “Merlin is your best friend! How can you-,”
“ENOUGH GWAINE!”
Arthur spun to face him.
The sword cut straight across Merlin’s stomach with a sickening sllcch.
The entire room gasped, and the servant gaped at the immediate blood that seeped into the red fabric of his shirt. He blinked twice, shocked, before his shoulders fell in defeat. “Until the day I die…”
Arthur was horrified. His eyes bigger than dinner plates, he surged towards the warlock, intent on doing something, he wasn’t sure, since he was supposed to be angry, but this was Merlin and Merlin wasn’t evil and he loved Merlin and how could he have let this happen where did it all go wrong-
Gwaine punched him in the face, sending him stumbling into a column. When he looked up, to his increasing terror and dread, Merlin was gone.
“MERLIN!” Gwaine shouted, beginning to run after him, but Percival caught his arm. The shorter knight tried to pull himself free, but there was no possible way that Gwaine could escape. He yelled in outrage, the tears in his eyes burning into Arthur’s soul as he turned to look at the king.
“He was good.” He spat, teeth bared, and then glared daggers at Leon. “He was good. He loved us and you – all of you – and this is how you repay him?”
“Did you know?” Gwen asked, raising her chin.
“Did I know?” The knight smiled back, but it was bitter, and he jerked out of Percival’s grip. “About the magic? No. But if you think about it, Majesty, how can we be surprised? He was kinder than any of us, smarter, braver.”
“He had magic.” Leon stated firmly, hand on his sword. “With that much power-,”
“He stayed!” Gwaine shouted. “He stayed for us. He stayed knowing this would happen. Knowing you-,” he pointed at Arthur, and the fury crumbled to pain. “Knowing that you would reject him. He… he loved you, Arthur. You were his world. Sometimes you were the only reason he wanted to keep on living.”
The monarch stared back, tears springing to life in his own eyes.
“And now he’s lost that too.” Percival breathed.
Arthur sucked in a breath.
What had he done?
The battle raged around him, but Merlin cared not. Men ran at him, he threw them into the air without opening his mouth. Balls of fire rained down on the city and he turned them to snow without a single spell. Knights of Camelot ran when they saw him, and Merlin finally realized what it was to be Morgana. For a brief moment, when he let himself focus on one of the youngest knights, Brian, and his eyes wide with terror, he understood. That was what fueled her. The pain, the fear that she could cause.
They were both monsters now, thrust into the light of the sun where neither belonged.
Only one thing mattered now: Morgana. Her tyranny on this kingdom had to end. With the last of his strength, Merlin would accomplish this. If it broke him, if it bruised him. If it caused him to become the monster his king now thought him to be, fine. If he died, well, he had avoided punishment for along enough. It was time he finally received his dues.
Arthur knew the truth now. Undoubtedly, he was permanently banished. Unsurprisingly, it would end up being worse. But Merlin would be damned if he let the prat kill him without saving his life first.
After all, some things never change.
Merlin could hear her laughter from where he was in the courtyard of the citadel, which meant she was far too close to comfort. He ran down to the lower town and smoke enveloped him as he crossed the gate. Flames danced everywhere the eye could see. Murmuring a quick rain spell, he continued to make his way towards the insane laughter.
The pain around his abdomen was background music at this point. His adrenaline had kicked in, but he knew he was dying. He couldn’t worry about himself now. He never had before.
Merlin skid to a stop, clutching an overturned cart to stay upright, but the scene before him was enough to send him stumbling again. Red capes and armored forms were strewn across the burning dirt. The idiots had used the tunnel out of the dungeons to beat him there. How could his friends be so incredibly stupid?!
But they were all still alive as far as he could tell, especially since Arthur was struggling to his knees like an idiot. Morgana, the beauty that still graced her dimmed by the ugliness in her heart, stood over the king like he was a mouse ready to be pounced on. She poised, ready to strike, and Merlin’s eyes glowed gold.
He went into overdrive. All that he could see was Arthur in danger and he had to save him.
A wall erupted in front of the knights, and all heads whipped around.
Morgana froze. The knights froze. Arthur froze.
The sorceress gasped, taking a deep breath. “Merlin…” Her tone was shockingly gentle and shattered. “Merlin, what are you doing?!”
“My duty.” Merlin croaked back. “I have to protect the king!”
“Merlin,” the woman stared, and in that moment he could still see the girl who had hated the injustice of her father. Who had stood in that jail cell, chained to a wall, and told the king exactly what he was. He saw her defiance, tarnished by hate and loss, but that defiance was somehow comforting in this moment of chaos. “Merlin, he wants you dead.”
The man swallowed, blinking as a tear streamed down his cheeks. “I know.”
“He tried to kill you!” she stammered, but the anger in her voice was not necessarily directed at him anymore, but perhaps at the entire situation. “Don’t you understand? He was willing to cast you out after everything you’d done! After saving his life, his kingdom, and everyone he loves over and over again! He-,”
“I KNOW!” Merlin cried. He fell back slightly as if the burst of confidence was the only strength he had left. He felt the healing magic wearing off and his energy ebbed with each breath he took. He needed to make this quick. “I know. But that doesn’t change what I have to do. You’re threatening my King and his kingdom, and I am not going to let you hurt him or anyone else ever again. It ends here, Morgana. And when I die, I will die knowing that I did it right. That I…”
Merlin stood straight, and when his eyes opened they were golden. “I am Emrys.”
Morgana looked back at him with a strange sort of pride as if to say, ‘there you are’. “We meet at last.”
She bowed low, and Merlin somehow knew it wasn’t a mock gesture, but when she spoke there was no kindness. “I am honored,” she said as she rose. “To have been gifted such an adversary in this life. I am blessed, Emrys, to have met you. Your story will live long in the minds of men. But this is where you meet your death.”
Merlin swallowed, his magic filling him like a tea kettle about to whistle. “I blame myself for what you’ve become, Morgana. But you’re right. This has to end.”
“You think you can defeat me?” she laughed, a hollow and maniacal sound. “Me? A high priestess of the old religion?”
“I am Emrys.” He repeated. “I am the Last Dragonlord, son of Balinor. I have been blessed by the druids and the Great Dragon. My destiny is to bring peace to this land and restore Albion. It was fate that brought me to Arthur, and my story is not done until I accomplish that deed. You are nothing compared to me, Morgana. You may have been shaped by the Old Religion, but I was born of it.”
The ground erupted around her and she flew into the air with a shriek. Before she even touched back down, fire engulfed her in a burning column of light. Merlin dared not look around him lest he see Arthur and his trusted friends. He couldn’t look now.
She screamed as she burst from the flames. Her dress was scorched but she alive, and Merlin frowned. “I’m impressed.”
“And you’re dead!” she lunged forward, and wind shot out of her fingertips, knocking the warlock backward. He flew, slamming into a brick wall. He let out a scream, but he wasn’t the only one. Pain coursed through his body, but he struggled upward, fueling more magic into his shield surrounding the knights before lightning pulsed around his hands. His breathing was heavy, but still, the power coursed within him. He let out a cry of anger and let the burning light burst from his skin. Morgana screeched, electricity arching through her form.
Merlin seized the opportunity. He glanced around and thank the gods, there was Excalibur. He lunged for the sword, hands wrapping around the hilt just as Morgana sent a wave of fire where he had been moments before. He shouted again and the earth beneath her feet shook. She fell, head hitting the same wall he had been thrown into.
He struggled to his feet. Blood was sticky and wet on his back, probably matching the color that drained down Morgana’s face. Shouts filled the air, making a horrible chorus with the screams and the crackle of the fires. The warlock was shaking, though from pain or anger he didn’t know.
“Look inside yourself, Morgana!” he yelled. “Look around you! Is this really what you want?”
“CAMELOT IS MINE!”
“This isn’t right! Morgana, look around you! There’s always a second chance. Please!”
She cackled. “Are you preaching to me, Emrys? The man who has murdered hundreds?”
“I know what I am, Morgana. You and I… we aren’t that different. But I chose a harder path.”
“Harder?!” she laughed, but there were tears in her eyes. “Harder?! I have gone through more than you can ever imagine!”
Merlin let out a breathy chuckle, his vision blurry. His arms fell to his sides. “Really? More than I could ever imagine?”
“I have lost everything!” she screamed, flames dancing around her arms.
“As have I.” he whispered. “I lost my father. I lost the love of my life. I lost Elyan and Lance. Finna died because of me. Isolde, Alator, Daegal! I have lost SO MUCH-,” his breath caught. “You’re right. I have killed people. I have murdered in cold blood. I have taken husbands from their wives, mothers from their children. I have lost my home, my friends, my family. I have lost everything that I have ever loved.”
He took a deep breath, emotion building in his throat. “But I chose better. I chose to be better.”
“And now because of your better choice, you will die.”
“I am stronger than you.” He lifted Excalibur. “I am stronger than you will ever be.”
And Morgana charged.
Merlin had fought monsters with wings and claws. He had fought dragons and wyverns and griffins and wilderons. All those creatures had caused shivers down his spine. As Morgana ran towards him, fire roaring from her hands, he felt nothing but sadness. She was just another one of his loved ones lost, and he was the only one to blame.
“I’m sorry.” He breathed.
Light burst from his fingertips, blinding the witch. She screamed louder, and the flames licked his heels and burned his nostrils. He brought the blade upwards, the same blade that had pierced him only an hour before and thrust it through her abdomen. He cradled her head as she gasped, her hands falling and flames disappearing with the smoke. Tears streamed down his face in torrents, and he buried his nose into the crook of her neck. He breathed a million apologies as she fell limp in his arms. He glanced upwards, and the anger had melted out of her beautiful eyes. She stared back at him.
“Merlin…”
“I’m sorry… so sorry…”
Her hand brushed his cheek before falling to the side. “Thank you.”
Her head rolled to the side and she stared out into the crimson horizon, forever looking at the rising sun. Her lips were tilted up in a smile. Morgana had found peace at last.
Merlin’s tears streamed down his face as he fell to the ground beside her. His breaths were labored. Pain coursed through his entire body. The tendrils of light arched beautifully in the rising sun and he couldn’t help but marvel. He had seen so many sunrises. He had seen just as many sunsets. He had lived longer than he ever thought possible. He had been able to love, to be loved. He had saved so many lives. He wasn’t worthless.
He was Merlin. He was a clumsy, foolish, brave and kind serving boy who tried to be a hero.
Arthur’s voice cut through his ringing head. “MERLIN!” but Merlin’s breath was already slowing.
As the flames danced around him a smile spread across his bleeding lips.
Destiny, my old friend, he thought with a smile. It has been quite a journey.