Archive of Our Own ^beta

Buddy- I got you *finger guns* 
(Honestly, I’m so glad someone asked! And I hope you like it- I basically wrote it all in one go) 

“Who crawls through someone’s window at 4am to go for ice cream!?”

       It was the tapping that woke her up, though she had figured, perhaps, it was an overly eager bird waiting for her to put out the seed that she usually did.

       What made her get out of bed was when the window broke.

       In a moment, the covers were thrown off, the end-table lamp in hand, and she was five seconds shy of bringing it down on whoever was unfortunate enough to have decided to break into her apartment when-

       “Well hello!”

       “Ben-Cap-what?” she gasped, arms going limp, the lamp loosely swinging in her grip, “What?”

       “What indeed, fair citizen!” He was practically beaming up at her, trying to wiggle his way through her bedroom window. It took a moment for Edith to process that such an idea was not probably the brightest, but before she could say anything, he finally popped free and fell flat on to his back with his feet propped up on her sill.

       Edith’s mouth hung open, her brain desperately trying to catch up to the events at hand, “Is something wrong? Are you okay?”

       “Better than okay!” Captain gleefully cheered as he scrambled to his feet, “I found the most wonderful gentleman who, believe it or not, sells icream in dollops the size of small children’s heads, and that- if you’ve never seen a child’s head- that is a lot. A lot a lot.”

       He stood there, smiling at her, but Edith still couldn’t get the pieces to click.

       “A lot a lot,” Captain repeated, slower, hands gesturing in front of him to give her a rough estimate of size so that she understood what he ment, but when she still did not reply, he seemed, to her, to wilt a little bit, “I suppose directness is needed, but, ah-” and here, he tugged at the knot of his cape as he looked in every direction but her, “Haha, I didn’t practice that on my way here. Too busy thinking of flavors.”  

       And that’s when everything made sense.

       “On a Tuesday!” Edith didn’t mean to shout, but the adrenalin was still rushing through her veins and he- and he didn’t mean it, she knew that- but he was standing there in front of her like she should get this and, “Who crawls through someone’s window at 4am to go for ice cream! On a Tuesday! Who breaks someone’s window just to ask- It’s 4am!”

       “Would a Wednesday be better?”

       “Captain that’s not the point! You have to KNOCK, okay? You can’t just break my window! And the sun isn’t out yet!”

       “I did knock.”

       “You have to knock and wait for me to answer.”

       “Oh,” he examined the broken window with a look of genuine surprise, “Oh I forgot that bit.”

       “Yeah, you did.”

       Captain counted on his fingers, “That makes this the sixth time.”

       “I’m aware.”

       “You know though,” Captain said, smiling at her once more, “They have caramel, I double checked, and they have double fudge, and they let you pick two flavors if you get two scoops.”

       “Captain, the window-”

       “I know the window- knock knock- knock and wait- yes- but this is important too, because I know you can’t pick your favorite flavor- I remember from last time I asked you- so I made sure they had both.”

       Edith’s train of thought, riding on the rails of the broken glass she knew she’d have to pick out of her carpet again, came to a screeching halt as she processed what he had just said.She knew, oh she knew, no matter how she tried to figure out how to explain the transgression, he wouldn’t understand, not tonight. He just…he just wouldn’t- it wouldn’t make sense to him. That was the biggest degree of separation between Ben and Captain, and while sometimes it was perfectly needed, this freedom, this eagerness, sometimes, it was the last thing she wanted, but that didn’t make it bad. It just ment…he didn’t quite get it yet. Slowly, the anger bled out as she watched him, watched him watching her back with such a look of hesitant optimism.

       (And maybe a little something else, but she wasn’t gonna look into it too far, not at 4 in the bleeding morning on a Tuesday.)

       Edith ran the hand not still holding on to the lamp through her hair as she sighed, “Friday. Friday would work.”

       Captain seemed to beam, and Edith quickly amended, “But you have to knock, okay? It- It makes me happier when you knock and wait for me. Alright?”

       “Oh!” his whole face seemed to light up, “Oh, yes, yesyes, I can do that. I can wait. And Friday.”

       “And NOT 4am.”

       “And not 4am.”

       “Come when it’s still light out.”

       “Yes.”

       “Okay,” Edith laughed quietly, placing a hand on Captain’s cheek, “Now that- now that all that’s sorted…could you please…let me finish sleeping?”

       Captain made a soft noise, one hand lifting as though it were about to hold Edith’s hand to his face, but then, he took a step backward, “But of course!. Sleep is important, or so I am told. I do not need sleep, but then, that is why I am a defender! Justice never rests, just as the 24-hour drive-throughs never rest! Such is the life of a hero! Farewell, fair citizen! TRA LA LAAA!”

       And back out the window he went, leaving Edith in the still of her bedroom, a tired laugh blooming in her fluttering heart and a hopeful eye on the end of the week. 

Ah, I had fun with this. Again, I kind of imagine them being together for a while before actually declaring it officially, just because… boy, they’re such socially awkward and anxious babies, arent’ they? Also, I ended up doing this as a sequel to this prompt request by an Anon, so if you’d like to read that first, you can, but you don’t have to. 
(Again, this was written all in one go with little to no editing) (I think I’m gonna make a file of these on Archive, honestly… I like them.) 

“Wait a minute, are you jealous?” 

       “Again?”

       “Yeah,” Edith sighed, twirling the phone cord around her finger as she eyed the broken window in her bedroom, “Again.”

       “Did you let your landlord know?”

       “I called him just before I called you.”

       “You should also call the police. I don’t like how this keeps happening to you and nobody else in your building.”

       Edith rolled her eyes at that, clicking her tongue. It was just- it was so aggravating, doing this back and forth every time he broke into her apartment- any time he did ANYTHING. When he was Captain, she couldn’t get him to remember basic social norms, yet he would always act on the little details Ben couldn’t seem to bring himself to, and when he was Ben, he couldn’t let her be when it came to making her own decisions, but yet was so overly conscious of her and the space around her, as well as his actions within those spaces, that he could almost be seen as old fashioned and gentlemanly were it not for the fact that he was still very much Ben and Ben was too awkward to ever be a gentleman.

       It was like a bad soap opera, like one of those old German fairy tales reimagined as a Disney movie. More than anything, though, it was hard keeping it all straight in her head sometimes.

       Like clockwork though, Ben’s voice became harder as he edged out, “Listen, I know you think it’s just what it is, but I really don’t feel comfortable-”

       “Ben, it’s not a big deal.”

       “It is a big deal! That’s the sixth time in two months!”

       “It’s just an honest accident.”

       “You can’t know that for sure-”

       “I can, actually,” she stomped her foot as she said it, though she felt like a child the moment after, “I talked to him about it.” 

       “Him?”

       Oh.

       Oh no.

       “Who’s what now?” Edith did her very best to put on her innocent voice, even if she knew it wasn’t going to work.

       “You just said him.”

       “Did I?”

       “Edith-” shit, that was a tone of voice she had never heard him use before, “Who. Is. He.”  

       “I-,” Edith hesitated, biting the corner of her lip as she looked at the glass sparkling on her carpet. Welp, she tried, “I don’t think you’d…believe me if I told you.”

       “Tell me anyway.”

       Oh, here it goes.

       Taking a deep breath, Edith prepared herself as she said, as even-toned as possible into the phone receiver, “Captain Underpants.”

       Dead silence.

       It stretched forever, and Edith started tapping on the dresser trying to ease her nerves, until-

       “Oh.”

       And that was it.

       But it wasn’t, because that tone was still in his voice and if nothing else, that was what was freaking her out the most. He wasn’t mad- she knew what he sounded like when he was mad- this was not that. While that might have been good, it was also not enough to calm her.

       “Uh, yeah,” she coughed, tapping harder, “He just- I guess he’s in the area every now and again and he-”

       “Why does he know where you live?”

       She didn’t have to lie for this one- that was good, “Remember that date you and I went on? To the Italian place? After everything went to hell, he took me home.”

       “Oh.”

       “Yeah…” 

       “…Why does he keep coming back?”

       Edith hesitated. She could be truthful for this one too, but… no- better to just say what was without giving too much away- it made things easier to remember later, “I think…he just likes the company. I think sometimes he gets lonely.”

       “…So he comes to you.”

       “Yeah-”

       “Breaking into your house six times in the span of two months-”

       Shit, “Ben, hold up-”

       “-at the ass crack of dawn-”

       “Ben-”

       “-and you didn’t think to let me know!”

       “I didn’t need to let you know!” the hand Edith had been tapping against the dresser balled into a fist, “I was fine! I am fine! Last night he came over to tell me he found a place that has my favorite flavors of ice cream and that was it. He just wanted to let me know and ask me if I wanted to go out with him and-”

       The noise Benjamin made on the other end of the line sounded like he was choking, and for a moment, Edith froze, genuinely worried, until suddenly, it clicked.

       “Wait a minute,” she mumbled, unable to keep a grin from splitting her face wide, “Are you jealous?”

       “Je-? No!” Edith had to pull the phone away from her ear, he was so loud, “No! I j-j-just- he ah-asked- you- what-”

       “You aa-aaare!” she sang into the receiver, unable to keep the cheer from her voice. Of all the results this conversation could have held, it didn’t even dawn on her that this could be one of them, and oh, there was a delicious amount of irony here, “You are jealous. Oh my god, Ben-”

       “I’m not!”

       “Benny-”

       “D-d-don’t b-b-‘Benny’ me, I don’t need to be p-p-placated! Did he n-n-not-”

       “Oh my god, Ben, It’s fine-”

       “Y-y-y- fuck-hooo- it’s n-n-not like you said-”

       “I did say it was fine, Ben. I said he could come over, but-.”  

       “WHY? Edith he’s a s-s-STRANGE m-m-MAN in his UNDERWEAR! W-w-with SUPER p-p-POWERS!”

       “IIII dunnooo,” Edith twirled the phone cord around her finger again, “I think he’s nice. I think you two would get along.”  

       She had to hold the phone away from her again, both because of how loud he was getting and because she didn’t want him to hear her laugh as he continued to stumble over his words, a dead giveaway to the fact that he was out of his comfort zone, “He’s s-s-still a m-m-man in his underwear crawling through your w-w-window!”

       “I dunno, I think it’s kinda sweet. And haven’t you ever dreamed of someone coming through your bedroom window?” Edith swore she could hear Ben’s brain fry on the other end of the line, and she giggled, “Oo, well I mean- your house is a ranch. I could try the next time I come over, if you want-”

       “No! No-no that’s n-n-not-!

       “I’m not doing it in my underwear though, I’m not about to steal his gig.”

       She cackled when she heard his strangled scream on the other end.

       “D-d-did it not occur to him that y-y-you were-”

       Oh, but there was something.

       “What, Benjamin? That I was what.”

       She couldn’t help it. If he was going to go down that route, then so was she. Edith wanted to hear him say it, admit it.

       She wanted him to say that she was his.

       It was in every romance she had ever read, from Austin to Bronte, from Keats to Shelly, and if there was ever a moment she was going to get it, it was going to be now.

       Biting her lip, eagerness in every atom of her, she waited. Over the line, she heard Ben take a few steadying breaths.

       “Did he ever think to ask if you already… had…someone.”

       Edith froze, processing what he said, how he said it. How soft and hesitant it was, how he placed himself in the palm of her hand, versus the outcome she had been looking for. But then, Ben really wasn’t a ‘mine’ kind of person, now was he? How long had he waited to ask her out in the first place out of worry he was stepping over a line? How long had he waited to even touch her hand, let alone hold it?

       Honestly, it was almost laughable to imagine he’d do anything differently.

       “Goodness gracious, Ben,” she chuckled, breathless, “Are you officially asking if I’d like to date you?”

       “…Yes.”

       “Well,” she ducked her head, spinning awkwardly on her heels and glad of the fact he couldn’t see her right now, even though she’d have killed to see his face, “Well…can’t say no to that, when you ask so nicely.”

       “…Is that a-”

       “Yes, that’s a yes, Ben.”

       “Ha..haha- ah-,” It was almost possible to picture the blush creeping up and around his ears, “Yay…I mean-!”

       She laughed, and here again, Edith was reminded of why she liked him so much.

I hope you know I cried during the writing of this.
(Again, written all in one go)

“I’m pregnant”

       Sunday morning started with the sound of water running in the bathroom across the hall, with the streetlights bleeding in through the back curtains, and with Ben waking up alone.

       At 5am.

       In the middle of winter break.

       He ran a hand down his face, trying to rid himself of the stupor of sleep as he sat up slowly in an attempt to hear better. After living with someone for three years, you get use to patterns, because people are creatures of habit. When that person was your spouse though, you learn that it’s wise to memorize them. He knew Edith putzed about at 1 or 3 in the morning, but then, she’d come back, and they usually didn’t get out of bed until at least 8 once school was out.

       The toilet flushed again, and once more, the walls seemed to shake to life. Maybe he should have gotten that looked at, but it was an old house. Old houses did that. It was normal.

       It was just in his head that it seemed so loud.   

       Sitting there, quietly, he listened to the pipes. Ben figured he was just being dumb. If it was something important, Edith usually would rouse him from rest in order to make sure he knew what was going on, or ask him to take care of it. Two weeks ago she had gotten up to get a glass of water since the one by her bed was empty, but woke him with frantic nudging once she saw the large spider on the headboard.

       Again though, that was at 1 o’clock.

       The toilet flushed a third time, and that was when he decided to get out of bed. Creeping so that the floorboards would not give him away, he made his way across the hall and waited, hand hovering over the doorknob. For a split second after all the water had gone to where it needed to go, after the walls had stopped shaking, there was silence.

       A split second before he heard the toilet flush again, though, Ben also heard Edith throw up.

       “Christ,” he mumbled, opening the door to find her curled around the toilet bowl, one hand holding her hair back and the other pinning the lid to the back of the reservoir, “Edith, what do you need?”

       Ben heard rather than saw her vomit again, her shoulders shaking for a moment before going still once more, and he winced.

       “Water,” she mumbled, taking a deep breath before saying again, softer, “Water would be good.”    

       Moving around her carefully, he grabbed the cup on the side of the sink and filled it before kneeling next to her, handing her the cup as he took charge of keeping her hair out of her face.

       “Sip slowly,” he muttered, and she nodded even while she drank half the water in one go, causing him to still her hand, “Sip.”

       “Ben, could you just-”

       “If this is the flu, you’re gonna make it worse trying to drink too quickly.”

       “It’s-,” but once again, her face was in the toilet, the hand that had been holding the glass shoving it towards Ben. Attempting to both catch it and hold her hair back, he inevitably let it slip from his hands, the water splattering across his pajamas as the cup rolled until it rested against the far wall of the bathroom. Ben sighed, shifting his weight to fully rest against the door frame, switching hands so that his left held back her hair while his right tried to rub reassuring circles into her back. Once the heaving stopped, she reached towards him again.

       “The cup fell,” he mumbled, “if you need more, I’m going to have to move to go get it.”

       “Don’t.”

       “But-”

       “Don’t,” and here she gripped his pant leg, “Don’t go.”

       Ben sighed, “Alright, but if you change your mind-”

       “It’s not the flu.”

       “Edith, it’s the middle of winter, and if it was food poisoning-”

       “Benjamin, stop.”

       He clamped up then, teeth grinding as he watched her struggle to hold herself upright. Finally though, the hand that had been holding the toilet lid came down, resting atop his own that had been holding her hair back. Leaning against the outer wall of the shower, she shifted to face him, his hand tight in hers.

       “It’s not the flu.”

       “…Alright? Then what is it?”

       Edith’s eyes fluttered shut for a moment as she took a deep breath, took two, before finally opening to look at him, “I’m pregnant.”

       It felt like someone had taken a baseball bat to the back of Ben’s head. He swore he saw stars, he swore he couldn’t breathe, and he must have looked like it too, for Edith squeezed his hand tighter still as she quickly added, “Listen, I know we’ve only really talked about kids in theory, but-”

       “Hhhow?”

       “What?”

       “How l-l-l-l-ong?”

       “I-” she hesitated, “A month? Little over a month? I haven’t gone to the doctor’s-.”

       The panic completely took over then, the stutter preventing him from getting anything out other than a stream of nonsense that only got louder and louder, higher and higher in pitch, until Edith finally had enough.

       “Ben, listen, I’m just as afraid, but if you keep going like that I’m seriously going to lose it.”

       He clamped a hand over his mouth, but the scream was still audible. Edith couldn’t help but laugh quietly. 

       “Oh my god I knew it, I knew this is what you were gonna do.”

       “This isn’t the t-t-t- fuck!” he grabbed her shoulder with his free hand, leaning close, “B-B-Baby!”

       She still couldn’t stop snickering, “Yes.”

       “Our baby!”

       “Yes.”

       He made a noise like a dying whale, and Edith broke out into laughter until she was once again forced to thrust her head into the toilet. Ben, for his part, patted her gently on the back all the while spewing panicked gibberish.  

       They stayed like that, hunched on the tile, until the sun was up, until the terror had finally subsided, and even after that, Ben sat dumbfounded on the toilet while Edith took a shower, afraid to leave her for even a moment.

       Because ‘baby’.

       Baby.

       It seemed to be the only word in his head.

       Shaking, he stood and moved to the sink to wash his face. Behind him, Ben heard the shower curtain pull to the side as Edith said, just loud enough over the water, “We don’t have to make a decision on anything right now-”

       “IIII-!” his voice broke it went so high, and as he turned around, his hands clutched to the side of his face, “-couldn’t even figure out what to name the CAT PLEASE DON’T TELL ME I HAVE TO NAME THEM RIGHT NOW!”

       Edith stared at him, dumbfounded, before bursting into laughter again, “Oh, oh so that’s your vote on this then.”

       All Ben had the capacity to do was make a noise of confusion, and Edith reached out from the shower to give his shoulder a supportive squeeze, “You… want to keep them.”

       “Ah-,” and it was like the spell on him had come undone as he stood there, blinking in the dim lighting of the bathroom as he suddenly understood what she was asking him and why she had waited so long, “I-Edith-you-…your thoughts- what are your thoughts.”

       Edith bit her lip, looking away, “I am…Ben, I’m terrified, but-,” he saw her face crack, just a little, and through the silhouette of the shower curtain, he saw her move to rest a hand against her stomach. Nothing looked like it was there, nothing at all. Had Edith not told him, he would have been completely blind, but now, seeing her do that, Ben was rocked by an indescribable feeling as she whispered, “But I really…I want to try. I didn’t even think I could conceive let alone…”

       Her face crumpled then, shoulders hunching, and without thinking, Ben moved to hold her. Water cascaded onto the linoleum, his pajamas were soaked, and Edith didn’t even have a towel, but it didn’t matter. Ben could feel her shaking as she wrapped one arm around him, the other still protectively cradling her stomach between them. He ran a hand across the space between her shoulders, mind racing as he mumbled quietly, “It’s gonna be okay. We’ll schedule an appointment. It’ll be okay.”

       As a man so use to pessimism, it shocked him to know that he believed it, that everything would be alright.

       And in the end, truly, it was.