Work Text:
7:46 AM. Philadelphia, PA
[Ronald “Mac” McDonald, a 14 year old boy of very average build and height, is walking down a residential street. He’s wearing a track top with black cargo pants and his hair is slicked back with an unreasonable amount of hair gel. Charlie Kelly, a 14 year old boy who looks 12 and couldn’t tip the scale at 100 pounds soaking wet, walks beside him. He’s wearing an oversized raincoat that was clearly made for an adult woman and has frizzy hair down to his shoulders. It’s drizzling outside.]
MAC
Dude, what happened to you over summer?
CHARLIE
I don’t know what you’re talking about. We spent, like, the whole of summer together.
MAC
You’ve gotten seriously fat, dude.
[Mac pokes Charlie in the stomach. His shirt makes a slight crunching sound.]
CHARLIE
What? Nah, man, that’s chips.
MAC
It doesn’t matter if it’s from eating chips, you’re still fat.
CHARLIE
No, like, it’s a pack of chips.
[Charlie lifts his shirt up to reveal a packet of cheese and onion potato chips duct taped to his torso.]
MAC
What? Why would you do that? What is that?
CHARLIE
I don’t know, I’ve heard high school can be a rough place, wouldn’t want to lose my chips.
MAC
So you think someone might steal your chips, but not that you might get bullied for taping a bag of chips to your chest?
CHARLIE
Why would I get bullied for my sweet invention, man?
[Charlie opens the bag, rolls his shirt back down, then reaches in through the neck hole of shi tshirt and starts eating chips.]
MAC
Let me ask you something: how many guys have you ever seen with a bag of chips duct taped to them?
CHARLIE
Well, you know, there’s Derek.
MAC
Derek? Who is Derek?
CHARLIE
You know, my mom’s friend, Derek.
MAC
I do not know Derek. Why does this grown man have chips taped to his body?
CHARLIE
I mean, it wasn’t chips, more just, like, a bag. Of something.
MAC
Bag of what, Charlie?
CHARLIE
I don’t know, just a bag! Can’t a man just duct tape a bag to his body!
MAC
No! And now you smell of chips!
CHARLIE
Chips smell delicious, that’s not a bad thing.
MAC
Look, Charlie, just–
[Mac stops walking. Charlie also stops and turns to look back at him.]
MAC
Somehow we managed to be the weirdest kids at all boys Catholic school. The McPoyles were bringing glasses of milk to school and making out with their siblings in the locker room and we were still the weirdest kids. Let’s not do that again, alright? Let’s get a fresh start here. I’ve got a sweet drug hook up with my dad’s old friend, we can get a bit of business going. That girl you like from the coffee shop is going to school here. Let’s be normal, okay? Can we be normal, please?
CHARLIE
Yeah, man, for sure. You don’t need to get upset. I can be normal.
MAC
And you won’t bite anyone?
CHARLIE
Mm, that’s a big promise there. I might have to. Some point.
MAC
We’re basically adults, we shouldn’t be solving our issues by biting. Now, if you just let me know when someone’s bothering you and I can use my sweet karate moves–
[Mac waves his arms in a vaguely adversarial fashion.]
CHARLIE
Yeah, I think I’m gonna keep biting.
MAC
Then will you at least remove the bag of chips from your body!
CHARLIE
Tell you what. I’ll eat the chips. Make the bag flat. Nobody will even know.
MAC
You taped it too tight and now you can’t get it off?
CHARLIE
Yeah.
MAC
Come on, there’ll be some scissors in the art room or something.
[Mac starts walking again. He puts an arm around Charlie as he passes him, dragging him along with him.]
~
[At the opposite end of the street, Dennis and Dee Reynolds are approaching the school gates. Dennis is wearing a shirt and jeans. He has dirty blond curls that are growing in brown at the roots and is slightly chubby in that way most teenagers going through puberty are, but you can tell from the way he carries himself that he’s extremely uncomfortable about it. He has an umbrella. Dee is equally wearing a blouse and jeans, only you can’t see much of her blouse as she’s encased in a back brace. She has long, wavy hair that looks like it’s been dip-dyed blonde at the ends. She does not have an umbrella.]
DENNIS
( snapping )
Walk further behind me!
DEE
Maybe if you’d let me under the umbrella my back brace wouldn’t be rusting in the rain and I’d be able to walk faster!
DENNIS
I can’t be seen with you! Not in high school! Not like that.
DEE
Oh, and you think I want to be seen with you? You look like an accountant.
DENNIS
I look mature! And distinguished!
DEE
You look like a middle aged accountant.
DENNIS
Don’t try me, bitch, I am a god–
DEE
Sorry, did we or did we not have to leave private school because you were getting bullied?
DENNIS
No, hang on, that’s not the full story–
DEE
No, hang on, yes it is. Everyone in our year thought you were queer and you cried to mom and dad about it so much they said we had to go to state school.
DENNIS
You weren’t exactly popular either.
DEE
No, but I didn’t cry about it.
DENNIS
You cry about it all the time!
DEE
Not in front of other people. That’s just pathetic, Dennis.
DENNIS
This is for the best. I was never going to get laid if everyone thought I was gay.
DEE
And yet you still chose to wear makeup to school.
DENNIS
That’s not gay, Dee. Everyone wears make-up.
DEE
I’m not wearing any makeup.
[Dennis reaches the gates and stops. Looking a little uneasy, he turns and waits for Dee to catch up. When she does he turns back around, only to find himself face to face with Mac and Charlie. A handful of chips drop from the bottom of Charlie’s shirt. Dennis frowns and his eyes flicker up to glance at Mac. His glance quickly becomes a look, which becomes a stare. Mac stares back, mouth ever so slightly open. Dennis starts to blush, then shakes his head a little.]
DENNIS
Quit staring at me!
[He wraps his arms around himself self-consciously.]
MAC
Me stop staring? You stop staring! What are you, gay?
DEE
( laughs )
Yeah, he is.
DENNIS
I’m not–
[Charlie grabs Dennis’ hand, lifts it up, and bites down on his forearm.]
DENNIS
Aw! What the hell?
[Charlie lets Dennis go and runs onto the schoolyard.]
MAC
Charlie, you bitch!
[Mac runs after him.]
MAC
I told you not to do that!
[The twins watch as Mac kicks Charlie in the back of the knee, floors him, then dives on top of him. The pair squirm around in the gravel doing something that could be considered wrestling. Dennis turns to look at Dee.]
DENNIS
Just promise me we won’t make friends with those losers.
DEE
No, obviously we won’t.
~
[Hundreds of freshman pupils are crowded around the reception area, trying to catch a glimpse of one of the pieces of paper that have been pinned to a notice board. Mac, holding onto Charlie’s arm, barrels their way to the front.]
MAC
Okay, dude, I’m gonna find our homeroom. See if you can spot our names.
[Charlie scans the notice board, then points out the name ‘Charlotte Kennedy’ to Mac.]
CHARLIE
This us?
MAC
What? No. how have you even made it into high school.
CHARLIE
With the coloured paper and the big letters. These letters are all small.
MAC
This is twelve point font, it’s the American standard. Oh–
[Mac reaches up and snags a piece of paper right off the board. The students behind him complain and jostle them.]
MAC
I’m seeing a bit of a problem here. My homeroom is 7B, but your name isn’t on here.
CHARLIE
What? No way, we always have homeroom together.
MAC
Let me just check on this.
[Still holding the paper, Mac backs his way out of the crowd. Kids shout at him as he passes and try to snatch the paper, but Mac holds it aloft. Charlie slinks through the crowd in his wake. Mac slams the paper down in front of a bored looking receptionist.]
MAC
Hello, I think there’s been a mistake. Charlie and I don’t have homeroom together.
RECEPTIONIST
Is there any reason you should have homeroom together?
MAC
( as if she’s stupid )
Well, yeah. We always have homeroom together.
[He’s met with a blank stare.]
MAC
And he’s my best friend.
RECEPTIONIST
( to Charlie )
What’s your name, young man?
CHARLIE
Charlie Kelly.
[She taps about on the computer for a moment.]
RECEPTIONIST
Charlie Kelly, 23A.
MAC
But that’s not 7B.
RECEPTIONIST
No. It’s not.
[Mac pulls Charlie slightly to the side.]
MAC
Don’t worry, you can just come to my homeroom and then we can explain that they’ve made a mistake.
CHARLIE
Uuuh, I kinda think I should go to my homeroom, though.
MAC
And not be together?
CHARLIE
It’s just, this is high school, y’know? And it’s our first day. So maybe I should… go.
[Mac looks heartbroken for a moment. Charlie looks at the floor.]
MAC
Okay, dude. Here.
[Mac reaches across the reception desk to grab a pen. He lifts Charlie’s hand up and writes ‘23A’ on his palm.]
MAC
That’s what you’re looking for. I’ll see you at lunch.
[Charlie walks away. Another freshman approaches Mac and roughly snatches the paper from his hands.]
~
[Charlie makes his way down the corridor, hand held out in front of him as he compares the numbers on the doors to what’s written on his hand. He walks hand-first into a teacher and stops.]
TEACHER
Can I help you?
[Looking, as ever, confused, Charlie turns his hand around and holds the number out to her. She frowns, then points to the door next to them. Charlie brightens, nods, then goes inside. The room is a chemistry lab, set up with rows of two-person lab benches. Glass-fronted cabinets around the room display an assortment of toxic chemicals. Charlie looks around in wonder as he steps further into the room. He’s going to like this homeroom.
The room is already packed with students. He spies a free desk at the front of the room, but quickly thinks better of it and makes his way to the back. Spying half a free desk he reaches for the chair, but the boy already occupying it grabs the back of the seat and holds it in place. He doesn’t even glance at Charlie.
With a good natured shrug, Charlie makes his way back to the front of the class and takes a seat next to Dennis.]
DENNIS
What? No. No, not you.
[Charlie ignores him and pulls a chewed pencil from his pocket, setting it down neatly on the desk in front of him.]
DENNIS
Didn’t you hear me? Move!
CHARLIE
Nah, ‘cause, like, there’s nowhere else to sit, do I think I’m just going to stay here.
DENNIS
I command you to move!
CHARLIE
( still not looking at him )
Kinda weird, dude.
DENNIS
I’m weird? You bit me!
CHARLIE
You were staring Mac down and he’s kind of, like, my boy, so I didn’t appreciate that.
[Finally, Charlie swings round to look at Dennis. He smiles, genuinely and brightly, and offers his hand.]
CHARLIE
I’m Charlie.
[Dennis looks taken aback, but shakes his hand.]
DENNIS
Dennis.
[Charlie feigns like he’s going to bite Dennis’ hand again and Dennis jerks it back. Charlie laughs.]
CHARLIE
I’m just messing with you, I’m just playing.
DENNIS
( looking wounded )
Well, don’t.
CHARLIE
Your pencil case is kind of gay, man.
[Laid out in front of him, Dennis has a matching shiny golden pencil case and notebook.]
DENNIS
Wh– It’s not– It’s just–
CHARLIE
( interrupting )
No, no, it’s cool, I’m not like, homophobic and shit. I have sisters.
DENNIS
What does that have to do with being homophobic?
CHARLIE
I’ve, like, spent time around women and stuff.
DENNIS
What do you think being gay is?
CHARLIE
I wouldn’t know, I’m not gay.
DENNIS
My god–
[The door opens and their homeroom teacher walks in. She is an old, old, old woman. Dennis and Charlie share a smirk.]
CHARLIE
She looks like a great, great, great grandma.
DENNIS
She looks like the first amphibious being.
CHARLIE
Like toads and shit? She does look like a toad.
DENNIS
So old I bet she’s deaf.
CHEM TEACHER
( looking right at them )
I am not.
DENNIS
Oh shit!
[The boys lean in close to each other, covering their mouths and giggling. This is the beginning of a horrible, awful, ill-advised friendship.]
~
[Mac is sitting at the back of a Spanish classroom, hood pulled up and shoulders hunched. Students sit in clusters chatting. He looks up at them, then abc down at the table. From his pocket, Mac pulls out a small bag of weed, considers it, then stuff it back into his pocket.
Dee enters the classroom, looks around, then sighs and heads over to Mac.]
DEE
This seat taken?
MAC
Yes.
DEE
By who? Because I don’t see anyone sitting here.
MAC
He went to take a piss.
DEE
Well, then he can find somewhere else to sit when he gets back.
[She starts to pull the chair out. Mac pushes it back in.]
MAC
I said sit somewhere else, freak.
DEE
Look, I am doing you a favour here. Everybody else here has friends and here you are, billy no mates. Don’t you want to be seen sitting next to a girl?
MAC
You’re not a girl, you’re more like–
[He looks her up and down.]
MAC
A bird or something.
[Dee rolls her eyes.]
DEE
Just let me sit here.
[She pulls the chair again. Mac hooks his foot around the leg and tucks it back in.]
DEE
Oh, goddamn!
[She pulls the chair out. Mac lets her, but as she goes to sit down he yanks it further back, letting her fall to the floor.]
DEE
Awh!
[Dee sits on the floor, hunching over as much as her back brace will let her, and shaking slightly. For a moment a look of fear crosses Mac’s face as he worries he may have really hurt her. He gets up and offers her a hand.]
MAC
Look, sorry, I didn’t mean–
[Dee looks up and Mac sees that she’s laughing.]
DEE
That was a good one!
MAC
Good one? What do you–
[He helps her up and lets her sit down next to him.]
DEE
You think the girls at my old school would ever pull something like that? No, they thought I was “fragile”. Wouldn’t even let me play tag when we were kids.
MAC
What is–
[Mac gestures to the back brace.]
MAC
All this? ( whispered ) It’s not contagious, is it?
DEE
No, dickhead, you can’t catch scoliosis.
MAC
Oh, cool.
[Mac glances around in a desperate attempt to keep the conversation going.]
MAC
Um, you any good at Spanish?
DEE
Pretty good. We used to have a Mexican maid, she taught me a few phrases. Tu madre es una puta. ¿Por qué no me has pagado? Stuff like that.
MAC
Woah. Impressive.
[A teacher comes in and begins to shuffle through papers at the front of the classroom. The rest of the students begin to settle down at their desks.]
DEE
But what I really love is theatre. I’m on my way to Broadway, high school is just an unfortunate roadblock.
MAC
No way, I feel the exact same!
DEE
You wanna be an actor?
MAC
Ew, no, that’s a gay job. I want to be a bar manager. Just waiting it out until I’m twenty one.
[The teacher begins rollcall.]
DEE
Well, maybe I’ll wait tables for you on my rise to stardom. That’s how everyone seems to be getting discovered these days.
MAC
You’d be so lucky. I’m going to have way hotter women waiting tables for me.
DEE
( kind of fond )
Whatever, jackass.
MAC
Oh, I’m Mac, by the way. Just Mac. Even if you hear people calling me something else they’re wrong, it’s just Mac.
DEE
Cool. Deandra. Or Dee. I won’t freak out about either way, unlike you.
SPANISH TEACHER
Ronald McDonald?
[The class falls silent for a moment, stifling laughter, waiting for the unfortunate clown to claim his name.]
SPANISH TEACHER
Ronald? McDonald?
MAC
( very soft )
Here.
[The class erupts into laughing, turning to stare at Mac, who shrinks further into his hoodie.]
DEE
( laughing )
That is a great name.
MAC
Shut up.
DEE
Really, your parents must hate you.
MAC
No! No! My parents love me! They love me so much!
DEE
Okay, chill!
What class do you have first, Mac?
[Mac looks up at her, wide eyed, then smiles slightly as he pulls his schedule from his pocket.]
~
[Charlie and Dennis are standing in line in a crowded cafeteria.]
CHARLIE
What even was that health class, man? Like, I just had no idea what that lady was saying.
DENNIS
She wasn’t saying anything, she asked us to copy from the book.
CHARLIE
Exactly, like, it’s the first day of school, what, we’re just going to write? On the first day of school? I thought they were meant to teach us that.
DENNIS
Teach you how to write? Charlie, you’re fourteen. Are you telling me you can’t write?
CHARLIE
Are you telling me you can?
DENNIS
Yes! Yes, I can write!
CHARLIE
Wow, dude. What are you even doing in school, then?
DENNIS
Are you serious? Are you for real?
[The boys move forward. Charlie picks up a scoop of overcooked pasta and a lump of miscellaneous sponge. Dennis picks up some salad and an apple.]
CHARLIE
I don’t know, I have been thinking, this could all just be someone else’s dream and we’re just alive in it.
DENNIS
What?
CHARLIE
Or, like, a TV show.
[They sit down.]
DENNIS
You don’t think you’d know if you were in a TV show?
CHARLIE
Well, no, because my character wouldn’t know he was in a TV show. So I wouldn’t know.
DENNIS
You are so weird.
[Charlie gestures to Dennis’ salad.]
CHARLIE
You really gonna eat that? Free pasta, dude.
DENNIS
( embarrassed )
Just not a pasta guy.
CHARLIE
Not a pasta guy? And you think I’m weird.
GIRL
Um, excuse me?
[Dennis and Charlie look up to see Maureen standing by their table. She has her hair pulled back with a headband and is smiling sweetly. Her sweater has a picture of a kitten playing with a ball of yarn on it.]
MAUREEN
Mind if I sit here?
CHARLIE
Ah, sorry, we were kind of–
DENNIS
( smiling maniacally )
Ha ha ha! Charlie, shut up! Of course you can sit here.
[Maureen hesitates, trying to figure out the best way to manoeuvre her tray past the boys’ seats to sit down.]
DENNIS
Get up.
CHARLIE
Aw, what? But we were having lunch–
DENNIS
No, we’re done now. I want to talk to this girl.
CHARLIE
( kind of sad )
Fine.
[Charlie takes his tray and walks away. Maureen sits down opposite Dennis.]
MAUREEN
( shyly )
Hi. I’m Maureen.
DENNIS
It’s a pleasure to meet you, Maureen. I’m Dennis.
MAUREEN
Are you a freshman too?
DENNIS
I am, I am, yes. But I feel like I’ve got a pretty good handle on this place already. Made friends with some older kids, probably going to throw my first, big high school party soon.
MAUREEN
Oh, do you know some juniors? Do you know my brother?
DENNIS
( I've been rumbled! )
Um, probably, probably, what’s his name?
MAUREEN
It’s Bill. He’s right over there, actually, I’ll call him over!
[Maureen stands up and waves.]
MAUREEN
Bill! Bill!
[A hulking seventeen year old who must be a quarterback or else he’s wasting his talents pushes his way over to their table. He easily clears six feet and is built like an armchair – rectangular. Looking up at him, Dennis looks tiny.]
BILL
Hey, Maureen. How‘re you finding your first day?
MAUREEN
I was a little bit nervous, but then I met Dennis and he’s been so nice.
BILL
So nice, eh?
[Bill looks down at Dennis disapprovingly.]
BILL
Mind if Dennis and I have a little chat on our own?
MAUREEN
Aww, he’s so protective.
[She shoots Dennis, who is looking very uneasy, a smile and gets up, moving a few tables over. Bill sits down opposite Dennis.]
BILL
Forgive me if I’m being overprotective here, but she is my little sister. She’s a very pretty girl, I don’t want guys taking advantage.
DENNIS
I mean, she’s alright. I’ve really only known her five minutes, man, this is a little premature.
BILL
How would you feel if your sister was being chatted up by some teenage schmuck, huh?
DENNIS
My sister’s a whore, so I don’t think I’d care.
[Bill’s demeanour shifts slightly.]
BILL
Oh, so you have a sister? And she’s just, like, good to go with anyone?
DENNIS
She’s fourteen, that’s gross.
BILL
Right, right. Maureen. What are your intentions with her?
[Dennis shrugs.]
DENNIS
I don’t know. I figured we’d finish eating lunch. We probably share at least one class, we could sit together. Do some light flirting. Eventually I’d ask her out. We’d go on a date somewhere slightly sketchy, so I could prove that I can protect her. A kiss to seal the deal. We’d then go back to my place, under the illusion of attending a study group with my sister and whatever pathetic friends she’s managed to make but oh no, seems the study group isn’t home. I suggest we watch a movie, maybe do some hand stuff under the blanket. We have the house to ourselves, so why not? One thing leads to the other and I enter her. Swiftly, but gently. It’s tasteful. It’s her first time, after all, I want her to enjoy it–
[Bill, who has been getting steadily angrier throughout, punches Dennis in the face.]
~
[Charlie wanders outside, looks around, and catches sight of Mac sitting with Dee and a patch of grass. He gives a little wave, almost dropping his tray in the process, and makes his way over to sit with them.]
MAC
Hey, Charlie! This is Dee, she’s in my homeroom.
CHARLIE
Uh, hey, man, what’s up?
[Dee stares at Charlie.]
DEE
Hey.
[Charlie stares right back.]
CHARLIE
Hey.
DEE
(almost giggling)
Hey.
CHARLIE
( laughs lightly )
Hey.
[Mac looks between the two and his eyebrows furrow as he begins to suspect heterosexuality. He grabs Charlie’s arm and yanks him down.]
MAC
Quit it.
CHARLIE
( to Dee )
So like, what’s the deal with that boy you were with, he just totally blew me off.
DEE
Dennis? Oh, he’s a piece of shit. For some skank, I bet?
CHARLIE
I don’t know if she was a skank, but I do like that you, as a woman, used that word. Makes me trust you.
[They smile at each other. Ah, shared misogyny.]
MAC
Can we stop talking about women, please? Dee, we have to leave.
CHARLIE
What? But I just got here!
MAC
Different lunch slots, bro. I’ll see you later.
[Mac and Dee get up and start to leave.]
DEE
See you later, Charlie.
[Charlie watches them walk away.]
CHARLIE
( to himself )
Man, my first time meeting a girl who’s part robot and I don’t even get to ask any questions.
[Charlie sits by himself on the grass for a moment, eating his pasta. Gradually the background noise from the cafeteria grows louder and louder until Charlie can’t help but take notice. Leaving his tray on the grass, he gets up to investigate.
The cafeteria appears to be packed. Students have backed up so they line the walls, many of them standing on tables. Bored dinner ladies continue to dish out sloppy pasta. Charlie weaves his way through the crowd until he reaches the front.
Dennis is cowering beneath a table. Bill smashes a chair on top of it.
Charlie frowns. Turns and starts to walk away. Sighs and turns back. He makes his way across the clearing, to much uproar, and taps Bill on the shoulder. Bill towers over Charlie – he’s at least a foot taller than him. Bill turns. Charlie gives him an almost bored look.]
CHARLIE
Hey man, you beating on a freshman? That’s not cool.
BILL
This your friend? You friends with a rapist?
[Charlie shrugs. He beckons for Bill to lean in. Bill, naturally unthreatened by this tiny child, does. Charlie bites him in the neck.]
~
[A math classroom. Dennis has tucked himself as far into the corner as possible. He has a compact out and is applying powder foundation to the red welt on his cheek. Ringed around his eyes is smudged black, as if he cried his mascara off and tried to wipe it away.
Mac enters the classroom and makes a beeline for the seat beside Dennis.]
MAC
( too jovial )
Hey man!
DENNIS
Leave me alone.
MAC
Are you really gay?
[Dennis looks up at Mac, and we get a really good look at his face. That punch hurt.]
DENNIS
( brandishing the compact )
This isn’t for fun, it’s a cosmetic necessity.
MAC
No, it’s just because that girl at the gate said– What happened?
DENNIS
That girl is my sister. The bitch was winding me up. ( pause ) I got punched by a hot girl’s brother.
MAC
Dee’s your sister? Dude, you’re lucky, she’s really cool.
DENNIS
Dee? Dee Reynolds? Cool? You’re an insane person.
MAC
Nah, she’s like, if a guy was a girl, y’know?
DENNIS
Whatever, man. Just leave me alone.
[Mac takes the bag of weed from his pocket and smacks it down onto the desk.]
MAC
Wanna smoke weed in the bathroom?
[Dennis stops applying foundation and smiles.]
~
[Mac and Dennis are crammed into one bathroom stall together. They’re each leaning against opposite walls, but their legs are tangled together. Mac’s smoking and Dennis is watching him, slightly out of it.]
MAC
And, and, you know what I’ll call it?
DENNIS
What?
MAC
What?
DENNIS
What will you call it?
MAC
Paddy’s Pub.
DENNIS
Who’s Paddy?
MAC
Me, dude.
DENNIS
I thought your name was Mac?
MAC
Yeah, Mac like McDonald.
DENNIS
So your first name is Patrick?
MAC
No.
DENNIS
No?
MAC
Middle name.
DENNIS
Why would you, would you name a pub after your middle name? Why not… I don’t know your first name. Dennis’ Pub.
MAC
That’s stupid, bro. You need an Irish name to run a pub.
DENNIS
I think that might be racist?
MAC
What is?
DENNIS
Running a pub that’s just for Irish people.
MAC
No, no, no Irish people. Just Americans. Rock, flag, and eagle, y’know?
DENNIS
Now that’s racist.
MAC
You know what would make this even better?
[Mac puts the joint out, then pushes himself upright. He allows himself to tip forward, catching himself by propping his arms either side of Dennis’ head. They’re now inches from each other’s faces. Dennis flushes. Mac blows smoke out, so close he may as well be doing it right into Dennis’ mouth.]
DENNIS
( clearly thinking about kissing him )
What?
MAC
If Charlie and Dee were here.
[Mac pushes himself upright and unlocks the stall.]
MAC
I’m gonna go get them.
[Mac walks out into the bathroom. Dennis continues to stare at the spot where Mac was just standing. He has no idea what just happened.]
DENNIS
What?
MAC
Come, we’ll all hang out.
DENNIS
Um… Okay, you go, I’ll wait here.
MAC
What? Come on, bro, it’s more fun if you come with me.
DENNIS
I… No, I need a minute.
[Mac pokes the stall door open a little further.]
MAC
Dude, do you have a boner right now?
DENNIS
No!
[Dennis slams the stall door closed.]
DENNIS
I wanna take a piss. Go without me.
MAC
( grinning )
Alright.
[He starts to walk away.]
DENNIS
( shouting to him )
Charlie’s at the principal’s office.
[Mac stops.]
MAC
Shit, for real?
DENNIS
He bit a guy.
MAC
Oh god damn it, Charlie!
~
[Charlie and a young girl with short, dark, curly hair are sitting outside of the principal’s office. Charlie kicks his feet and stares at the ground. Every so often the girl looks like she’s about to start a conversation with Charlie, then chickens out. Eventually she works up the courage.]
GIRL
( nervous )
Did they forget you, too?
[Charlie startles.]
CHARLIE
Woah, when did you get here?
GIRL
I, I’ve been here the whole time. I was here before you.
CHARLIE
Oh. Sorry. Hey.
GIRL
Did they forget to register you, too? Apparently I’m not on anyone’s register. Not even in the system.
CHARLIE
That sounds pretty sweet to me, honestly. Nah, I bit a guy in the neck.
[The girl’s eyes widen.]
GIRL
What?
CHARLIE
Yeah, he was beating on some freshman, bashing him like a rat, and I don’t really like that.
[Charlie brandishes his shirt, which is covered in Bill’s blood.]
CHARLIE
See?
GIRL
Gross.
CHARLIE
There are worse things to be covered in than someone else’s blood.
GIRL
( half-hearted joke )
At least it’s not yours.
CHARLIE
I actually think it’s better to be covered in your own blood. This guy could have all sorts of diseases and I mean, look at him, he probably does. But I know all the diseases I have.
[The girl moves away from Charlie slightly.]
GIRL
You have diseases?
CHARLIE
Well sure, everyone does.
GIRL
( this is not going how she imaged )
Okay… I’m Elizabeth. I just moved here from Mississippi.
CHARLIE
Mrs Sippy? Is that like a diner? You a waitress?
ELIZABETH
No? It’s, it’s a state.
CHARLIE
I don’t think states are named after married women but okay. I’m Charlie.
ELIZABETH
( okay, this is getting back on track )
It’s nice to meet you, Charlie. Making friends at a new school is hard.
CHARLIE
Tell me about it! I came here with one friend and he’s already totally ditched me. Got less friends than I started with.
ELIZABETH
( she is about to regret this for the rest of her life )
We could be friends?
[Charlie looks at her, really, properly looks at her, for the first time. He blushes.]
CHARLIE
Yeah, I’d like that.
[The door opens and the principal steps out.]
PRINCIPAL
Charlie Kelly?
[Charlie stands up.]
CHARLIE
( grinning )
Well, that’s me.
[Elizabeth watches him, smiling shyly, as he heads inside.]
~
[Mac and Dennis are outside Dee’s theatre class. They peer in through the window pane in the door.]
MAC
( whispering too loudly )
We need a plan.
DENNIS
I’ve got one.
MAC
What is it?
DENNIS
What?
MAC
Your plan?
DENNIS
I don’t have a plan.
MAC
Have you ever been high before?
[A very, very, very long pause.]
DENNIS
( drawn out )
Yes.
MAC
Jesus christ, man. Okay, just go in there, say you’re Dee’s brother and you’ve got a family thing, and she needs to leave.
DENNIS
Yup, got it.
MAC
Do you though?
DENNIS
I’ve really got it.
[They open the door. Dennis sticks his head through and Mac leans in close behind him. A room full of students, including a shocked Dee, turn to stare at them.]
DENNIS
Hello. I am Dee’s brother and I’ve got a family thing. She needs to leave.
MAC
( whispered )
That was so good, bro.
[Dee looks like she wants to melt into the floor.]
THEATRE TEACHER
Mr Reynolds? Is Dee required at this “family thing”?
DENNIS
Yes. Because. Our mom is dead.
DEE
( under her breath )
Oh god damn.
THEATRE TEACHER
Oh. Oh my. My sincerest condolences to you both. Miss Reynolds, you are dismissed.
DEE
But I don’t want to go! This is my favourite class!
THEATRE TEACHER
I understand that this may be a difficult time that you wish to avoid, but you really should be with family.
DEE
Our mom isn’t dead, this asshole just wants me to bunk off with him.
THEATRE TEACHER
Denial is a natural step in the grieving process.
DEE
She’s not dead– Oh my god. Oh my god, fine.
[Dee grabs her bag and storms out, pushing Mac and Dennis out the way as she does so.]
DEE
I hate you both, I hate you both so much.
MAC
See? Isn’t this more fun now?
[He and Dennis share A Look as Dee storms ahead of them down the corridor.]
~
[Mac, Dennis, and Dee are sitting outside the principal’s office with Elizabeth. As far as they’re concerned, she isn’t there. Mac and Dennis are talking about something inaudible between themselves while Dee sulks, arms folded across her chest.
The door opens and Charlie emerges with the principle.]
MAC
Wooh, Charlie!
DENNIS
My man!
[Charlie ignores them to smile stupidly at Dee.]
DEE
Hey, Charlie.
CHARLIE
Hey.
DEE
Hey.
CHARLIE
Hey.
[Dennis gets up and throws an arm around Charlie.]
DENNIS
I could have totally taken that guy. But I appreciate that I didn’t have to. Thank you, man.
MAC
I know I said no biting, but that was badass. What’d he say?
[The principal motions for Elizabath to join him in his office, ignoring the gaggle of kids who should not be out of class.]
CHARLIE
Two week suspension.
MAC
Ooooh!
DENNIS
On the first day?
CHARLIE
Yeah.
MAC
That is so badass!
CHARLIE
Y’know, I think I still have some of Bill’s blood in my hair.
[He holds of a handful of matted, bloody hair.]
DEE
Oh, here–
[She pulls a hair tie from her wrist and offers it to Charlie.]
CHARLIE
Oh, sweet! What is that? Like, some kind of slingshot–
[He holds it between two fingers and pulls the elastic back.]
DEE
No, idiot. It’s a hair tie. For your bloody hair.
CHARLIE
Oh!
[He grabs all his hair into a knot on the back of his head and ties it up. Everyone stares as he does so.]
MAC
I don’t know about you guys, but I am about to crash hard. I’m going home.
CHARLIE
You got high without me?
DENNIS
There are three hours of school left.
DEE
Aww, are you scared to ditch? Do you not wanna get in trouble?
DENNIS
( was very much scared )
No. Not scared.
[Dee looks at Charlie.]
DEE
You could come to our house? Our dad just bought himself a new video game console, then took a “business” trip to Florida for three weeks.
MAC
I could play video games.
DENNIS
No one’s gonna want to be on your team though, Dee.
[They start to leave.]
CHARLIE
I’ll play with Dee.
DENNIS
( scoffs )
Really?
CHARLIE
Yeah. And we’ll totally win, because Dee’s part robot.
[Mac laughs. Dennis and Dee look extremely confused.]
DEE
I am not part robot, Charlie.
CHARLIE
( gesturing to the back brace )
Then what’s all this?
DEE
I have scoliosis!
CHARLIE
Oh… Does that help with video-game playing?
DEE
I don’t know, but I’m definitely better than Dennis.
DENNIS
That is not true! I was just off my game that day.
DEE
You’ve been off your game your whole life.
DENNIS
Shut up! You’re stupid and you’re mean and you’re stupid.
DEE
Great comeback, smart guy.
MAC
Yeah, well, you look like a bird.
[Dennis howls with laughter.]
DENNIS
She does! She really does!
[Dee rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling a little. These are her first friends in maybe ten years.
The gang emerge into the school yard. The clouds have cleared, and for the first time in a while it’s sunny.]