Chapter Text
Spongebitch wakes up in his fuckingg yellow pineapple. He is EAGER to begin the day. He does NOT get dressed but instead chooses to go down stairs almost completely fucking naked to feed his snail. HOWEVER, he does nOT find gary in the usual place. “GAAAAARRRYYY” he sCREAMS ,enraged, while slapping his meaty thighs but to no avail. “oh SHIt” ,he thought, “wherE IS this bitch.” He looked for his snail almost completely fucking naked but coudnt find him. What was more important to him, he thought. Looking for a snail bitch or going to his job. He decided he would search the entire city for his slimy little bitch.
He arrived at patricks house. “PatriCKKKKKKKKKKKK i cant find my bITCH ASS SNAIL put your dick back into your shorts and get your lazy ass uP!!!!!!!!!1111.” Patrick emerged from his rock home. “SPONGEBITCH”, he bellowed, “what the FUCK DO YOU M E AN YOU LO S T GARY??? WH O R E, HOW DO YOU LOSE HIM, HE’S A SLOW ASS SNAIL THAT LEAVES A TRAIL OF SLIME WHEREVER HE GOES??” Spongebitch immediately started sobbing. In between sobs he said “will you still help me look?” Patrick said yes he would and the two began to scour the streets for gary. Also spongebob is still almost completely fcking naked in case you were wondering.
Spongebitch and Patrick were scouring the streets for greasy wittle gary. “GARY” they called. “GARRRRRRYYYYYYY!!!!11!” They had been searching for over an hour but no luck. “Do you think we’ll ever find him Patrick?” No response. “Hhhhhhhuuuuuhhh Patrick?” The bastard wasn’t answering, so Spongebitch turned around to say it to his face. However, shocker, Patrick wasn’t there. “HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUHHHHHHH PATR I C K ????” “SHi T”, he thought. First gary the slippery wittle snail went away and now his pink pal patrick??? His tiny little bitch brain couldn’t compute this fact, so he just started running in circles while sobbing. Eventually he realized that he was making a scene and stopped because i guess spongebitch finally started to care about what others thought of him. He sat down and tried to think about what he was going to do next. But since he’s a goddamn buffoon, it took him a whole ass other hour to think of what to do. “Where do I go when shit hits the fan? HHHhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?? O H? I’ll go to the place where i labor in order to receive compensation, the mcfucking krusty krab.” So he got up off of the sidewalk and walked all the way to krusty krab instead of going to his pineapple house.
“YO MR CRAPS!”, spongebitch hollered like the utter baboon he is, “MY SNAIL IS MISSING AND SO I WAS OUT LOOKING FOR HIM WITH MY DEAR PAL PATRICK BUT THEN HE WENT MISSING TOO! I NEED YOU TO USE YOUR BIG MMMEATY CLAWS TO HELP ME FIND THEM.” Oooooooh nooooo, no one responded. “HUUUUHHHH?? MR CRAPS??? HEHE DID SQUIDWARD FINALLY EXECUTE YOU!?” Thats when spongebitch looked around and realized the restaurant was completely empty. The krusty krab wasn’t closed because mr craps never gave them a day off like the capitalistic pig that he is, so there was no reason the restaurant should be empty. Spongebitch walked into mr craps office to see what the FUCK was up, only to find that it was empty too. “I swear to GOD, if everyone’s out celebrating national no spongebob day again like in episode 4, season 6, im gonna be PISSED”, spongebitch bellowed after finding his office deserted. He stormed out of his place of business trying to decide what the FUCK he was gonna do now. He pondered this question until he remembered his bushy tailed texas bitch existed. “Holy Shit! I’ll go to texas’s house.” Little did he know that some more shenanigans were at foot,hhhhhoooooohhhh noooooooo, what’ll happen next.