Chapter Text
"Sorry, Eren's not out. - S"
"He won't talk. - A"
"He's being a snowflake. Real mature. - J"
"Sorry, Eren's still upset. Don't worry, I'll talk to him. - R"
"No. - M"
Levi threw his phone haphazardly on the bed, which he soon followed suit. Throwing an arm over his eyes, he let out a tired sigh. Just when he finally broke free from the clutches of overworking, the brunet – specifically Eren – refused to even utter a single word to him.
He had bombarded them with text messages, constantly asking if Eren was out, only to be responded by a negative. Of course it had occurred to him that maybe Eren himself was the one sending out the replies using another alter's name, but it's not like he would answer his calls either. If someone did pick up, it was never Eren.
How many days has it been since he last saw that brat? A week? More than that? He wasn't sure. What he was certain of was how the apartment felt empty without the brunet's presence. Hell, if he was (more) honest, he felt empty without the brunet's presence. Was this how Eren felt?
Groaning, he tossed and turned on his bed. He knew he screwed up. If he didn't, Eren would have been there in bed with him by now. He was hoping the brunet would show up unannounced on his doorstep again since it was the start of the weekends. But alas, Eren still resents him.
And Levi couldn't blame him. He resents himself, too.
Although, he has every intention to make it up to the brunet. Had even went as far as to visit him in the dreadful dorms in hopes of talking to him. But what greeted him was Sasha, who had to take care of the brunet's terrible eating habits again, and the blond coconut. The second time he did, it was Mikasa who was back to ignoring and avoiding him.
And now, he was at a loss on what to do. How is he going to make it up to the brunet when he didn't even want to see him? He had tried (subtly) asking the others on what to do, but all he got was different variations of "give him time".
Okay, but for how long? Heaven forbid it won't go as far as a month or so. Levi's still not sure how he's going to take that in.
And not that he'd ever say it out loud, but it's fucking cold being alone. Sure, the current season itself is cold as fuck, but Eren's body was like a portable heater... with legs. It was one of the reasons he didn't mind getting too much physical contact with him. It was warm and comfortable. It was... home.
Groaning for the umpteenth time, he stood back up and wandered into the kitchen, following his routine whenever he couldn't sleep at night. Actually, he had only relapsed back on this routine after that incident with Eren. And he's done it every night since then.
With his cup of tea in hand, he sat down on his favored sofa, letting his mind meander around. Before, he really didn't have to mind much about what goes out of his mouth. It's not really that he doesn't care how it would impact the other, it's just that he believes he's only being honest. As harsh as the truth may sound.
Okay, and maybe he doesn't really care much since chances are, he won't be interacting with them again. If he could help it, that is.
Though in this case, it's hardly about truth or facts or honesty. It's about crossing a line and sensitivity and tact. Everything he's hardly ever given a flying fuck before.
Then again, he's hardly ever met someone like Eren Jaeger before. And he really didn't mean to say such things to the brunet. It didn't even really cross his mind until it was out of his mouth.
Which begs the question... what's he to do now?
Jerking his hand in irritation, it escaped his mind that he had set his cup on the arm of the sofa he was currently on. Inevitably, said cup was now in shambles on the floor.
'Fucking hell... that's already twice this week.'
He was never usually clumsy. But whenever his thoughts wander into a certain brunet who was stubborn as all hell that he fucking adores... it's like everything else gets pushed to the background and temporarily forgotten until he snaps back in attention.
What had Eren Jaeger done to him? He ruined Levi fucking Ackerman, apparently.
After taking care of the mess he made on the floor, the raven's mind kept scrambling for ideas on how to make peace with the brunet. However, to do that, he has to actually catch Eren, the host, first. Eren, who was determined to avoid him. And a determined Eren is a difficult, difficult Eren.
Goddammit! If only he was an expert on these things.
Speaking of experts...
Levi shot up as an idea popped in his head.
Hanji. Maybe Hanji could help him. She knows how to handle Eren best. Professionally speaking, at least.
But how is he supposed to get a hold of her? Sending her an email (which had been his only way to contact her so far) seems hardly fitting in this situation. But it's not like he has her number anyway. Is she even still in the city?
Of course, there's the option of asking Erwin. Though just thinking about owing him a favor is by no means appealing in the slightest. As how he sees it, Commander Eyebrows is always scheming. Giving him more leverage would be like digging your own grave, smacking yourself on the head with the shovel, and burying yourself underground unconsciously. All while the blond watches with those scrutinizing blue eyes of his.
'Okay, just breathe and think. Breathe and think. Breathe and... Mike.'
Of course. He could opt to ask Erwin's better half instead. (Or at least the one he likes better).
Picking up his phone from the bed, he contemplated on whether calling him or just sending a message. He decided on the latter, considering the time and the fact that he could at least edit his choice of words on text.
He ended up sending a rather quite formal text to his former professor. His work habits may be bleeding into his daily life already. Levi wasn't really expecting for a reply to come until morning, so he was surprised when his phone alerted not too long after.
Mike even teased him a bit about his message, but he asked no questions on how the raven came to know how he was associated with the doctor.
'Maybe he's currently with Erwin.'
He shuddered at the thought. He doesn't want his mind to go down that path.
If Mike was still up, Levi risked calling the bespectacled brunette so late into the night. It rang, and rang, and rang, and rang. Each ring was a step closer to convince the raven to postpone the conversation until a more reasonable time in the day.
But then, he instantly perked up when the call connected.
"Zoe's sperm bank. You squeeze it, we freeze it. How may I help you?"
What the fuck?
Levi took to checking if Mike gave him the right number, even though he had no way how to determine that exactly. He'd also really doubt it if Mike was trying to play a prank on him.
"Hanji?" He asked tentatively.
"Why does your voice sound familiar? Now, let me see..."
Well... at least the raven could recognize her voice now.
"It's Levi." He sighed. He really shouldn't have been surprised by the greeting.
"CATNIP!!"
The raven hissed as he promptly tore his ear off the phone.
"This is a really pleasant surprise. Why'd you call?" She kept squealing on the other side of the line.
"You're not even gonna ask me how I got your number?"
"Erwin just gave me a heads-up. Like, just now, really." The brunette stated casually. "In case you're wondering, he's with Mike at the moment. And we both know what that means." She added cheekily that Levi could practically see her waggling her brows at the implication.
Fucking hell. How often do these people keep in touch with each other?
"I don't wanna know." Levi muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Look, it's about Eren."
"Did something happen to my sunny bear?!" She asked in an alarmed tone.
"No, that's---"
"My sunny bear." She emphasized.
Sure, rub it in. He really didn't question it much as the only thing he could think of was that he deserve things not going his way when it comes to the brunet at their current state.
"Listen... I'm calling to ask for your advice."
"Lemme guess... is my jellybean upset with you?"
Levi couldn't help looking around his own apartment warily, mildly paranoid about his unit being bugged, or if there was really some sort of tracking device planted in him.
"Please don't tell me you got that from Eyewin."
"Of course not. I got that from Eren."
"What?"
"He didn't exactly say he was upset with you, per se, but he did look like it during our last session."
"What do you mean?"
The last session Levi could remember was like ages ago. Had Eren been mad of him since then?
"You know, the one which he didn't tell you abo---" Hanji trailed off. "You did not hear that from me." She gave a nervous laugh.
"Hold on... you're telling me Eren had a session with you... without me?" Levi asked incredulously. "Who was he with?"
"No one. He came alone. And before you blow your whiskers, he told me he didn't want to disturb you coz you've been really busy. Even Mikasa told me you hardly had time for anything else. I'm just guessing that's why they neglected to inform you that."
Well, fuck. Guess he'd really been an asshole without even realizing it.
"So, what happened?"
Levi recounted the incident with as much detail as he could willingly impart, which is just about everything from his perspective of things. It may just be her habit from work, but Hanji was intent on letting the raven talk and would only ask the questions necessary. It almost seemed like they weren't even talking through the phone with a thousand miles distance between them.
"Oh, catnip. That was harsh. No wonder poor sunshine won't come out."
"Glad we're on the same page." The raven retorted dryly.
"Well, if you'd ask me, I would strongly advice against forcing him to switch out. Even if you're using positive triggers, if Eren doesn't want to come out, it would be best if you would respect that."
"I do respect that. But how am I supposed to get on with the apology if he doesn't even see me?"
"Why don't you start with his other alters? Even though they're technically not Eren, that doesn't mean they're not in on this considering they're the system's protectors, right? Besides, what you've said to Eren also applies to the rest of them. Have you done that yet?"
Levi was silent at that. Until that point, it didn't occur to him that he had also overstepped his boundaries with regards to Eren's alters. He had always treated them as a person of their own no matter how much he only sees Eren physically.
"No. I guess, I'll see to it." He answered lowly.
Hanji just hummed on the other side of the line and gave the raven a few moments to contemplate before speaking again.
"You're a good guy, you know?" She stated fondly.
"I highly doubt tha---"
"You're a good guy. But you're not perfect." She cut him off. "And that's perfectly fine. Yes, you've done a horrible thing. But a few mistakes don't automatically make you a horrible person. What's important here is that you're trying your best to make it up to Eren. I'm sure he'll soon see that for himself. He's young. Or younger than you, at least. Just give it time and work on what you can at the moment. And remember, don't be too hard on yourself. Whether it's for overworking or overthinking. Coz, even though you may not notice it at first, it also affects those people who are close to you."
"Right." He's learned that the hard way.
"This is just a theory of mine, but perhaps that bad habit of yours of completely immersing yourself to your work, and neglecting everything else branches out from something. Perhaps there's something in your past? Or maybe something that you're scared of happening?"
Levi tensed up at that. Fucking hell, why does he keep getting unintentionally associated with the types of people he finds dangerous? He has developed his stoic personality for a reason. A lot of reasons, in fact. And one of those is to prevent people from easily seeing through him.
Apparently, there are people who are capable of seeing beyond that. Which is exactly why he considers those types as dangerous.
"It's okay if you don't tell me anything. I don't really have the right to pry." The brunette continued when the raven failed to offer a response.
"I wasn't about to, anyway." Levi mumbled out.
"I'd hug you right now if I could. I was told my hugs are quite therapeutic."
"Don't you think you misheard? I think they meant those moves you call 'hugs' could send someone to therapy." He deadpanned.
"That's not a really nice thing to say to your new phone buddy, Catnip."
It was only then that the raven had realized they'd been on the phone for quite a while now. The longest Levi had ever spent with someone, in fact.
"Oh, hell no."
He was seriously considering changing his number right then and there.
Come Saturday, on his third visit at the dorms, it was Jean who was currently out and had his nose buried on school materials. Levi found it a bit weird since he thought Christmas break was fast approaching, though he also thought the younger didn't have anything else better to do.
Lounging on the bed (since it was, ironically, the safest spot he could find in the room) while the other sat in front of a nearby study desk, Levi took a moment to muster up the courage to just spit out what he really came here for.
"Hey, Jean." He called out.
Though the younger didn't even make any sort of acknowledgment.
"Oi." He tried again.
The brunet just flipped the page on the book he was reading.
"Jean."
Nothing.
"I get it. I'm an asshole. And for that, I'm sorry." He sighed dejectedly.
It was only then that Jean put down the book and turned to face him.
"Look, if it was just me, I'd probably have been more... patient." He started. "However, I understand where Eren's coming from and I've been there to witness him go through shit. Personally, I think that's one of the main problems here. Both of you don't know much about each other's backgrounds."
His eyes immediately narrowed after saying that. "No, Mikasa, I'm not telling him anything. Even though I just said that's the problem." He mumbled the last sentence out.
"She's close?" Levi couldn't help asking.
"Oh, she's been constantly on standby since that time. Same as how she's been before really." He shrugged.
"What do you mean?"
"Sorry, can't expound on that." He pointed to his head as if reminding the raven of another ravenette currently present... in a way. "I don't really get why she's so adamant on being tight-lipped when it comes to Eren's past. I mean, yeah, sure, it's not exactly something you just tell anyone. But I don't really think you're still part of that 'anyone' to this point."
"It's okay." Levi assured. "I'm not forcing anything. And I could understand her reasons. Even though I don't really know them. All I really want is to apologize. Whether or not I know about what shit Eren went through, that still doesn't rationalize what I've said and done."
"Point taken." Jean conceded. "Though you're snowflake isn't really aware of this conversation we're having right now."
"I'm apologizing to you, Jean." The raven clarified, to the brunet's surprise and confusion. "There's no arguing that I did Eren wrong. But by doing so, I've also come to realize that I did the same to the rest of you. Or at the very least, it affected you in one way or another. So... I'm really sorry for that."
Jean scratched the back of his head as he started to grow restless in his seat.
"Damn, man. I wasn't really expecting anything like that from you." He admitted. "You didn't have to, but... it's appreciated nonetheless." He stated before staring back at his book intently.
The next day, Levi was floored when he opened his door to the sight of the brunet. Granted it wasn't exactly Eren who greeted him (since he usually just skip the knocking and just barges straight through), but their mere presence on his doorstep was enough to make the raven's spirit soar.
"Sup?" The brunet greeted flatly, adjusting the bag on his back.
"Annie." Levi couldn't help thinking out loud.
"You sure about that?" The younger challenged.
"Have I ever been wrong?" He countered.
"You might be."
Levi arched a brow before nodding to the hand the other was holding their bag with to prove his point. Annie frowned at the giveaway, which only made the raven smirk as he stepped aside to let her come in.
They proceeded as if nothing ever happened. Of course, Levi also had an apology owed to her, so at the moment he addressed that during lunchtime, Annie merely stared at him.
"If you could spare time for regular gym and sparring sessions, you're forgiven." She finally responded after a while.
"Or maybe a box of donuts and a six-pack of soda." He haggled.
Annie seriously mulled it over.
"Two boxes. Monthly."
"Pig." The raven snorted.
"Three boxes. Twice a month." She muttered out.
'I rest my case.' Levi wanted to say. Though that may only end up setting the stakes higher.
"Does Eren know you came here, by the way?" He asked instead, considering (and hoping for) the possibility that Eren could front at anytime.
"Pretty much."
"And he's okay with it?"
"Even if he wasn't, I would've came here either way. It's already Christmas Break, and tomorrow, we're heading back to Shiganshina."
"Oh."
Well, that just means Eren wasn't planning on spending the holidays with him. Understandable, really.
Still hurts, though.
When they were almost done eating, Levi risked asking something he wasn't entirely sure the younger would... well, tolerate, perhaps.
"Annie, I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but..." He started, on the brink of backing out from his request. "Can you... pretend to be Eren. Even for just a minute?" He continued abjectly, staring holes on the plate in front of him.
Silence draped over them. Each second that ticks by makes the raven regret saying the words out loud.
And when the brunet stood up from his seat wordlessly, Levi didn't even notice his hands had curled into fists. Maybe it was too much to ask of her. Annie was a person of her own, even though she may be inside Eren's body. And though their comfort levels may have significantly increased ever since he started dating Eren, they've still yet to venture the intimate physical contacts beyond leaning against each other. Basically, no limbs were involved (as much as possible), unless they were hurling it at each other. Granted the latter was hardly considered intimate, but sparring matches have already been like a bonding moment for the two.
Maybe she did take it the wrong way and thought Levi was using her as Eren's substitute. Even though, technically, that has been part of her role as one of the system's alters. Still, the thought that she's not being seen for who she really is and is just reduced to being "Eren's subdued attitude" – that her presence is less appreciated than the other – is quite hurtful. Especially if it's from someone she had willingly shown herself to.
They may exist in the same body, and even though it may just be a result of a condition that Eren's brain developed, for them, that still doesn't mean they're the same person.
Or not yet, at least. For whatever that statement is worth.
And Levi sees that. It's not that he's disregarding that fact that pushed him to make that request, but it's only because he just really missed Eren, the host, that he resorted into asking.
He was startled when he felt arms wrap around from behind him.
"I'm pretty sure this is how Eren does it. You're gonna have to settle with this." Annie mumbled as she awkwardly held the raven.
"It's fine. This is fine." Levi sighed as he closed his eyes and let his mind do its magic.
Around bedtime, Mikasa had took over after showering. Levi had noticed it even before the brunet took one look at him and promptly headed straight to bed without a word.
By the time he finished his own shower and padded into the bedroom, the younger was already tucked and had her back facing the raven's side of the bed. Levi could tell conversations are futile at the moment, but if anything, at least she still wasn't opposed to sleeping on the same bed as him. Although he would be hardly surprised if she ended up kicking him out. Or off (if it's to be taken literally).
Once under the covers, the raven didn't drift off right away. It must've been hours that he spent lying wide awake in bed. And when he was mildly sure that the younger was fast asleep, he inched closer to their heat and lightly rested his head on their back.
"I'm sorry." He whispered in the air between them. "From the start, I told you I'm not who you might've thought I am. I'm a shit person with terrible personality problems. I'm actually surprised you've lasted this far with me. That's not to say I want things between us to just keel over and die. Fuck, I don't even want to think about it."
Even as a whisper, his voice held emotions he wasn't too familiar of, out of sincerity. It was rare for him to be so vulnerable in the presence of another person. Hell, Levi himself didn't even know he was capable of doing so.
Even though he knew the other couldn't hear him, he still felt like it was necessary to say it to whoever it currently was.
However, his third surprise (all in one day) occurred then when the brunet suddenly reached out from behind him until he caught hold of the raven's wrist, and pulled on it to wrap over his torso.
"Just this once."
Apparently, it was still Mikasa, if the jejune tone was anything to go by.
And if the gesture was anything to go by, maybe, just maybe, the raven was forgiven (or, at least, somewhere along that range) in her books. After all, she knew how the actual couple (liked) loved being tangled together while lounging together or drowsing off. Well, if anything, she had been partially present the previous times the raven had expressed his apologies.
Grabbing the opportunity, Levi chanced shifting closer until he was practically spooning the brunet. Eren's body was warm as all hell and was a much better rival for a standard heater than Satan could ever be. Not that the two were appropriate choices of comparison, but you get the idea.
He noticed the younger tense up which immediately made him hesitate his actions.
"Is this okay?" Levi couldn't help asking.
He wasn't offered any response, yet at the same time, Mikasa made no move to push him away or anything of the sort. Eventually, the younger completely melted in his hold and Levi could only guess she was already asleep.
This was good. This was better.
And it would be the best if Eren, the host, could finally give him the chance to make it up to him.