Chapter Text
And so, the witcher spared the man, and in the dewiness of morning, he watched his companion sleep, eyelids fluttering and lips parted. Dabi lay on his back with Hawks tucked against his side. Cheek gently pressed into the witcher’s collar, the sleeping man’s chest rose and fell in even rhythm.
There was an unexpected warmth dwelling in Dabi's being. It bloomed in his soul, reawakening desires he’d long forgotten. Feelings that didn’t serve his witcher’s path, belonging to Touya - what remained of him.
To wake like this. If only.
Fanciful images danced in Dabi’s mind, tempting him to indulge in a daydream where he lay down his swords. It was foolish of him to engage in wishful thinking, and in a dark corner of his mind, he knew that walking away now would be painful - more painful than he’d care to admit. The beauty of the morning soured in his mouth, but he couldn’t help but continue to marvel at the angel sleeping in his arms.
For a minute longer, I can be- We can be-
Belaying the inevitable, Dabi readjusted, reaching an arm around Hawks and pulling the man tighter into his side. Hawks didn’t stir, but he shifted, unconsciously moving to bury his face deeper into Dabi’s shoulder.
The pair, entwined beneath the mossy boughs, lay in silence, their shared warmth abating the morning chill. One slept soundly, dreaming of icy eyes and rough lips that whispered pretty words. The other, lay pretending - pretending that he truly believed he could have a life that was different than the dark and lonesome path stretching before him.
Unrest in Dabi’s mind belittled the longing of his heart, telling him it was childish to fantasize. Childish to dream. Chasing an unattainable fantasy was painful, but to abandon any pretense of a chase was devastating. Dabi, conflicted by his purpose and driven by the witchers’ dogma, had given up chasing his dreams long ago, relinquishing his last genuine spark of optimism.
By the light of fresh morning with Hawks at his side, Dabi felt the ghost of Touya settle over him. For the first time in sixteen years, the familiar presence was comforting rather than haunting. His heart, bound by the cruel shackles of time and imprisoned by the nightmares of his past, felt fuller.
Hawks’ breath tickled Dabi’s neck, breathing warmth and life into his core. Hungry for the love he’d forged in the arms of an angel to continue, Dabi’s heart ached, beating trepidly with sorrow and temporary fulfillment that he knew would wane as soon as he returned to his path. Throat tight, Dabi let a scarred hand travel across Hawks’ wings, feeling the man’s crimson feathers like silk beneath his fingers. A gentle ripple pulsed through the feathers, and Hawks shivered under Dabi’s touch.
Stirring from sleep, Hawks coiled in Dabi’s arms. His arms and legs bunched as he pulled in on himself before releasing the tension and melting into Dabi’s chest. Soft sounds slipped from his lips as he ruffled his feathers, shaking the last of sleep’s hold from his body.
For a moment, Dabi questioned if Hawks would feel the same as they’d felt the night previous, so he held his breath, watching as Hawks' eyes fluttered open. When Hawks spoke, breathing comfort into the space between them, the tightness in Dabi’s throat dissolved, replaced by smoldering heat that brought a flush to his cheeks.
“Touya.”
It was just his name, but it was enough. Dabi bent his head, kissing Hawks' forehead, eyes flickering softly over his handsome features.
“Yeah?” he breathed back, enraptured by the sound of his name tumbling from Hawks’ pink lips.
“You stayed.” The words were a beautiful hum, lighting a foreign fire in Dabi’s chest.
His heart soared, but a dark weight quickly replaced the sensation, constricting his lungs. He didn’t respond, opting to brush a lock of hair from Hawks’ brow and trailing his finger across the smooth skin of the man’s cheek. Hawks' breath hitched in his throat, brown eyes softening in wonder. Hawks pushed himself up to lean over Dabi. As before, his expression was open and vulnerable as he considered Dabi.
“Have you,” Hawks started, a light blush creeping up his neck. “Been with many people?” Hawks' lips pinched, and his shoulders tightened.
“No one like you.”
It was all Hawks needed to hear.
Dropping his head, he bought his lips to Dabi’s. Unlike the previous night, the kiss was unassuming and sweet, fleeting as Hawks pulled back, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“What now?” he hummed, settling back beside Dabi, their faces inches apart.
Frost formed over Dabi’s heart, spreading out through his limbs until it reached his fingers and toes, numbing them. Before his lips could succumb to the ice in his veins, Dabi spoke, sighing words that tasted like heartbreak.
“I can’t stay.”
Hawks nodded in understanding, but his eyes lost their shine.
“I know,” he murmured, releasing a deep sigh. He seemed smaller, deflated by the truth he’d know but willfully ignored. “Don’t go yet.” Hawks’ voice was a whisper, his plea fading in the air.
Dabi sat up, crossing his legs before him. “Come ‘ere,” he murmured, gathering Hawks onto his lap. With a gentle hum, Hawks wrapped his legs around the witcher, laying his arms over Dabi’s shoulders, fingers coming up to twine in dark locks.
“If I asked,” Hawks bit his lip, breath slow and deep. “Would you tell me where you’re going?”
A half-smile twinged Dabi’s lips, contrasting with the bleakness in his icy irises.
“Trade secret.”
Hawks frowned. “Are you just saying that so I won’t try to tag along?” His crestfallen expression pained Dabi.
“No,” Dabi breathed, planting a slight kiss on Hawks’ nose. “Belhaven was supposed to be a quick stop. I have business in the mountains.”
“Let me come.” Hawks pressed his forehead to Dabi’s, hands coming down to cup the witcher’s face. “Once my feathers are fully back, I can-”
Dabi cut Hawks off with a burning kiss.
“Hawks,” he murmured against the blond’s mouth as their lips parted, deepening the kiss. Dabi wasn’t one to cry, but his eyes prickled when he pulled back, wishing he could capture the beauty of the angel in his lap permanently on the backs of his eyelids.
“You know that can’t happen. I-” His words caught in his throat. “I’m sorry.” Dabi’s fingers trembled as he brushed a strand of hair out of Hawks’ eyes.
“It was stupid of me to ask. I knew…” Hawks sighed, not finishing.
“It’s not stupid.” Dabi’s chest had grown numb, and he was finding each breath more painful than the last. “If things were different,” he swallowed, “Maybe we could have been something, but-”
“You’ve got your path, and I’ve got mine,” Hawks finished for him. Dabi nodded.
Birds chirped outside their mossy shelter. Hawks turned towards the sound, cocking his head.
“Can you understand them?”
“What?” Hawks choked, a laugh bubbling up in his chest. “I’ve got wings,” he giggled. “I’m not actually part bird.” A glimmer of amusement lingered in his brown eyes as he looked at Dabi, affection warming his features.
Dabi snorted, hugging Hawks tighter in his arms. “I know. I just wanted to see you smile.”
As quickly as it came, the humor in Hawks’ face faded.
This was all such a mistake. We never should have… I never should have…
Dabi felt sick. He couldn’t meet Hawks' eyes, choosing instead to fixate on the man’s collarbone.
“Hey,” Hawks murmured, reaching to tilt Dabi’s chin up, reclaiming his gaze. “Humor me for a second.” Dabi’s brow furrowed, but he didn’t interrupt. “Even if it’s only for a few minutes longer, I want to exist in a moment where,” his voice shook. “We keep being each other’s homes. So, before you go, indulge me this.”
“Will it make you happy?”
Hawks laughed.
“Of course not, but I want to anyway.”
“Okay. Tell me about us then.”
“We’re happy,” Hawks smiled, kissing Dabi’s forehead. The witcher’s heart stuttered at the contact, wishing the warmth of his angel’s lips would never leave his skin. “And we live somewhere in the countryside, far away from people. We don’t need them. You know how to farm, so we can provide for ourselves. If we need anything, I’ll fly to town.”
“How do we pass time?” Dabi’s eyes crinkled as he lost himself in the picture Hawks was painting.
“Honestly,” Hawks started, mouth twinging as he fought back a grin. “I just want the kind of life where I can take things easy.” He bit his lip in thought. “So, we’ll spend our days enjoying each other. By that time, we’re madly in love, so nothing really matters as long as we’re together.”
What if I’m already-
“What do you think?” Hawks asked, nuzzling his head into Dabi’s neck.
“I think it sounds good, but let’s travel first. I want to take you to the Isles of Skellige. I think you’d like it there.”
“What’s it like?” Hawks pulled back to study Dabi’s face.
“Beautiful,” Dabi murmured, “Like you.” A fierce blush painted Hawks' face. “One of the jarls owes me a favor. We can probably stay in a castle if you like.”
Hawks jaw dropped, mouth forming a small o. “You have to tell me that story later.” Dabi chuckled, the corners of his mouth softening into a smile.
“We’ll have to go to Toussaint. You’d love it. Everything is bright and colorful, you’d fit right in,” Dabi sighed, wistful visions continuing to form in his mind.
Hawks gripped Dabi’s shoulders in excitement. “I’ve always wanted to see Toussaint.” Hawks' eyes grew wide like a child’s. “Is it true what they say? Is it really the land of wine?”
With a chuckle, Dabi rolled his eyes. “It’s not just wine. It’s any form of debauchery you could imagine, and no one gives a damn.”
Whistling under his breath, Hawks rocked back in Dabi's lap. “I want to see it. Promise we’ll get drunk on a hill and count stars.” Dabi’s heart quickened in pace as the earnest joy on Hawks' face played dirty tricks on his resolve.
“Promise.”
The pair sat tangled together, staring intensely into each other’s eyes. If time could stop, preserving the moment indefinitely, they’d have been able to achieve that which alluded them. They’d find utter contentment, joy spilling from their hearts and filling each other with warmth, melting the hurt that followed them. They’d be free, unfettered by clouded judgment. Undisturbed by the troubles of the world. But time didn’t stop. She never did.
Dabi broke the silence first.
“How do we die?”
Hawks chewed his lip in thought, the bridge of his nose pinching.
“In each other’s arms. Old.” Hawks chest heaved, sighing as the weight of their pasts and the pain of their future compressed his lungs.
“I’ve got something for you,” Dabi breathed. The witcher reached back and pulled his bear’s head medallion over his head, hanging it around Hawks’ neck. “Don’t forget about me,” he whispered, putting an end to their game of make-believe.
Hawks had gone white, and his fingers shook as he reached to touch the engraved surface of the medallion, feeling the grooves in the metal under his thumb.
“I don’t think I could ever forget you, Touya.” Leaning forward, Hawks drew Dabi into a gentle kiss, thanking him for the trinket.
“Here,” Hawks hummed, reaching back to pluck a short feather that he handed to Dabi. “It’s not much, but it’s what I’ve got.” Dabi accepted the offering, examining the crimson token.
“You know,” he started, looking back up at Hawks. “You really should go to Toussaint. It might be your best bet.”
“Thanks for the tip,” Hawks winked. Beneath the bravado, Dabi saw disappointment flicker in Hawks' brown eyes.
Unable to take the pain buried under Hawks' expression, Dabi ducked his head, bringing his lips to the other’s collarbone, trailing kisses along Hawks’ shoulder. Hands trailed down Dabi’s chest as Hawks leaned into him. Under Hawks' weight, Dabi laid back, bringing the other with him.
Dabi’s breath caught in his throat as he looked up at Hawks. Brown eyes warmer than summer stared back, melting the ice in Dabi’s irises.
“I’ve never met anyone like you,” Dabi breathed, voice husky and twisted by hidden emotions.
“That’s 'cause I’m one of a kind, babe,” Hawks winked, fighting back a cheeky half-smile.
With an amused snort, Dabi pushed Hawks off of him, untangling himself and standing. Silently, Dabi grabbed his pants, shirking them on. From the ground, Hawks watched, the blush coloring his face unable to conceal the anguish in his eyes. Dabi turned away, unable to stomach seeing Hawks hurting because of him.
Fuck. This is so much worse than I thought it would be.
A wave of nausea rippled through Dabi, knotting his stomach as he pulled his tunic on and forced his boots onto his feet.
“Touya?” A whisper softer than a sigh burned his ears.
Dabi turned back to Hawks, his heart shattering as he saw the silent tears smudged on the blond’s cheeks.
“Yeah, Birdie?” Dabi's throat seized, and he felt his lungs deflate, held captive by the unyielding hands of heartbreak.
“Thank you.” Hawks’ voice quivered, sending tiny slivers of piercing ice into Dabi’s blood. “For sparing me, giving me a chance, and seeing me as someone worth living.”
“I’m a witcher, not a monster,” Dabi managed in spite of the tightness in his throat. “Don’t thank me. You shouldn’t have to, not for that.”
Hawks nodded, wiping away tears.
Once Dabi had gathered the last of his possessions from Hawks' refuge, he knelt before the captor of his heart, planting a lingering kiss on his forehead.
“I’ve got to check on my horse,” Dabi whispered.
“You’ll come right back, right?” Hawks looked up at Dabi, jaw trembling, already knowing the answer.
“Of course,” Dabi lied.
The witcher left, walking slowly at first before picking up his pace. He didn’t look back. He couldn’t. He might have changed his mind if he did.
Shimmering above the Slopes, the sun tutted in dissatisfaction. Didn’t Dabi know that his actions had woven his and Hawks' paths together? Didn’t he know their fates were bound?
Sighing, she climbed higher to her midday throne, sweeping heat across Dabi’s back as he rode his horse away from Belhaven and deeper into the Amell Mountains. Someday, he’d come to realize. Eventually, he wouldn’t be able to run from the truth.