Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

7:46 PM JUNE 14TH 2019

[ manofiron added parkour, stove, iceonmywrist, sparky, birb, birbv2, rhodeo, & nat ]

Manofiron has named the chat the dysfunctional thots

Manofiron: ok

Parkour: why does this exist

Manofiron: why are you questioning me

Parkour: because i can old man

Manofiron: bitch

Stove: watch your fucking language

Iceonmywrist: steve you’re so fucking stupid but i love u

Stove: i love u too

Iceonmywrist: <3

Stove: yo buck what does ur user mean

Iceonmywrist: lol search it up

Stove: ugh

Nat: we’re all in the same building and in the same room i don’t understand

Nat: actually you know what i don’t wanna hear your voices just text here pleathe

Parkour: yooooo nat up in this bitch

Nat: peter are you drunk

Parkour: lol i’m 17 i’m underage i can’t drink

Nat: doesn’t mean you haven’t drunk before

Parkour: lol

Nat: answer

Parkour: well i have obviously. 

Nat: not disappointed but not surprised either

Parkour: looooooooool !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nat: ok

Manofiron: everyone’s name is so cool and then mine is this what was i thinking

Parkour: omg can i change it

Manofiron: slightly scared about this

Parkour has changed Manofiron’s name to Tinystark

Tinystark: wtf

Parkour: lol

Tinystark: stop saying that

Parkour: lol

Tinystark: just because you had a growth spurt somehow doesn’t mean i deserve this slander

Parkour: who said

Stove: omg u grew?????????????

Parkour: ...mayhaps

Stove: how many inches??????????????

Parkour: idk

Tinystark: he’s like 5’11 now >:(

Iceonmywrist: as he should

Nat: as he should

Rhodeo: stop

Manofiron: y

Rhodeo: it’s so annoying

Parkour: but rhodey :(

Rhodeo: sorry pete

Parkour: omg clint sam and thor are literally just lurking in the chat

Parkour: L U R K I N G

Sparky: and what abt it

Birb: and what abt it

Birbv2: and what abt it

Iceonmywrist: !

Parkour: ok i hate this already i shall come back tomorrow. I’m gonna go play pokemon because i have a brain and i know how to spend my time.

Parkour: yo anthony stop giving me that fucking look

Tinystark: did you just

Nat: i taught him well

Nat: so did buck

Parkour has gone offline.

Nat has gone offline.

Iceonmywrist has gone offline.

Stove has gone offline.

Rhodeo has gone offline.

Sparky has gone offline.

Birb has gone offline.

Birbv2 has gone offline.

Tinystark: i don’t wanna be alone

Tinystark has gone offline.

Chapter Text

9:06 AM JUNE 15TH 2019

Nat is online.

Nat: everytime peter sticks up to walls and ceilings it still confuses me. I should be used to this but no.

Parkour is online.

Tinystark is online.

Sparky is online.

Stove is online.

Birb is online.

Iceonmywrist is online.

Birbv2 is online.

Rhodeo is online.

Parkour: o

Stove: breakfast is ready. I honestly don’t understand why this is our new way of communication but it’s cool.

Tinystark: who the fuck decided to gift peter a juul.

Iceonmywrist: :)

Tinystark: a juul bucky. A JUUL. what the fuck he’s 17 almost 18 he does NOT need nicotine in his system at this age!

Parkour: you can lecture him outside of the chat. Also thanks for getting me creme.

Iceonmywrist: ofc

Tinystark: oh no you don’t

Parkour: he fuckin

Parkour: came into my room

Parkour: and took my juul. He threw it out the fuckin window

Stove: omg

Sparky: omg

Birb: omg

Birbv2: omg

Iceonmywrist: omg

Nat: omg

Tinystark: omg

Tinystark: i made the right choice. I do not need a spider boy going to school with a juul.

Parkour: juul is cuul

Parkour: juul in schuul

Tinystark: i’m literally begging you to stop.

Tinystark: it’s a good thing it’s a saturday oh my god

Parkour: mj has ur number right

Tinystark: perhaps

Nat: omg mj? Love her. She’s the only person i respect other than peter and bucky and maybe steve. Sorry tony. Sorry clint. Oh and sam and rhodey.

Parkour: ye! Also thank ye nat!

Stove: what happened to him calling us something like ‘mr. america’ or ‘mr.stark’

Tinystark: ngl i don’t know. He just got this new badass attitude toward us all of a sudden and i’m so here for it.

Nat: ok so thanks for going back to asgard THOR. literally left in the middle of the night. don't think i didn't notice. 

Sparky: :)

Nat: oh my god peter found the chocolate waffles

Birb: no he didn’t

Birb: please don’t tell me he did

Birbv2: wait

Birbv2: there weren’t a lot left. Fuck

Iceonmywrist: you guys didn’t exactly hide it that well.

Iceonmywrist: what exactly did you expect

Nat: tru

Birb: tru

Birbv2: tru

Nat: he just opened it

Nat: gave me the death stare

Nat: and closed it

Parkour: as i should

Iceonmywrist: as he should

Sparky: as he should

Stove: as he should

Tinystark: as he should

Rhodeo: as he should

Birb: as he should

Birbv2: as he should

Nat has gone offline

Parkour: lol

Parkour: According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming ! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp . Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day , graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive . You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache ? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral?

Iceonmywrist: i really don’t want to know what this means

Stove: peter please just eat your food i want to have a normal day

Parkour: that’s on periodt luv

Stove: i understood that reference

Tinystark: shut

Tinystark: go and do your homework. We can work on shit in the lab after.

Parkour: ok

Parkour has gone offline.

Tinystark has gone offline.

Stove has gone offline.

Iceonmywrist has gone offline.

Birb has gone offline.

Birbv2 has gone offline.

Rhodeo has gone offline.

Sparky has gone offline.

Nat has gone online.

Nat: fucking finally

Nat has gone offline.

Chapter Text

7:02 PM JUNE 16TH 2019

Parkour is online.

Parkour has added Mj & Guyinthechair

Tinystark is online.

Nat is online.

Stove is online.

Birb is online.

Birbv2 is online.

Iceonmywrist is online.

Sparky is online

Rhodeo is online.

Rhodeo has gone offline.

Parkour: mj and ned welcome to the dysfunctional thots group chat

Mj: wtf is this

Guyinthechair: don’t tell me it’s what i think it is

Tinystark: it is

Mj: lol ur name is tinystark hahaha lol

Nat: oh my god mj i love u ur my second child now

Mj: ofc

Mj: who’s ur first

Nat: u should know

Parkour: :)

Mj: ah

Mj: hi peter!

Guyinthechair: hi peter!

Parkour: omg i love u all

Birbv2: yo peter

Birbv2: wanna go to chipotle?

Parkour: ye sure

Birbv2: i got money

Guyinthechair: is that sam wilson

Birbv2: ye hi

Mj: hi i stan u, the better birb (author's note: i love both sam and clint equally pleathe)

Guyinthechair: hi i stan u

Birbv2: ye thank

Birb has gone offline.

Parkour: lol

Parkour: clint is giving sam the death stare

Parkour: like i’m not even kidding

Parkour: he’s just staring sam down SJSKLHFBJNRML

Birbv2: continuing

Birbv2: omg he fuckin slapped me

Parkour: ok so how much money u got

Birbv2: $50

Parkour: that’s more than enough

Iceonmywrist: steve and i wanna go

Parkour: sure :)

Mj: can i go

Guyinthechair: i wish i can go but i have to study for a test. I was absent so i couldn’t take it.

Mj: damn that’s tuff

Parkour: oh worm???

Parkour: there’s a chipotle down the street

Parkour: u guys wanna go to that one?

Mj: i’m down

Stove: ye

Birbv2: ye

Iceonmywrist: ye

Parkour: ok mj we’ll meet you there

Tinystark has gone offline.

Nat has gone offline.

Sparky has gone offline.

Parkour has gone offline.

Mj has gone offline.

Guyinthechair has gone offline.

Birbv2 has gone offline.

Iceonmywrist has gone offline.

Stove has gone offline.

________________________

8:30 PM JUNE 16TH 2019

Peter, Sam, Bucky and Steve walked out of the tower and they already saw MJ standing next to Chipotle and waiting for them. They crossed the street, Bucky and Steve holding hands, Sam and Peter smiling at them. When they arrived, MJ smiled at them and didn’t look very impressed. She hugged Peter and the rest of the crew.

“Hey there. Did you guys even want to dress up casually?” MJ said, looking at Steve and Bucky up and down.

Steve was wearing a navy blue hoodie, black sweatpants, and some Adidas stan smiths. Bucky was too.

They shook their heads in unison.

Peter, on the other hand, wore some jeans and they were cuffed (bisexual tingz), wore a white sweater and also some stan smiths.

Sam wore a black shirt, jeans, and some Nike sneakers.

MJ wore a green sweater and mom jeans, as well as some navy blue Converse.

“Can we go in? I want some food.” Bucky said.

As the crew walked in, they didn’t even notice that the Chipotle was empty. This was rare. This Chipotle was always crowded and now it was empty. It wasn’t that late. They walked up to the ordering area and started to order.

MJ went first.

“Can I get a bowl? Yeah, brown rice. Black beans. Steak. Guacamole, please. Uh, mild. No sour cream. Cheese please.”

She got the food and some water.

She paid and then said “Thank you!”

She walked up to a random table at the back and sat down.

Everyone ended up getting bowls and sat down. Bucky and Steve next to each other, Sam next to them, and Peter and MJ across.

“So, MJ,” Steve said through loud chews, “You go to Peter’s school?”

MJ nodded.

“You guys are part of the Decathlon team, right?” Sam added in.

Peter and MJ both nodded.

“You know a kid named Flash?” Bucky said.

Peter’s eyes widened. Before he could say anything to MJ, MJ began to speak.

Oh god.

This wasn’t going to end well.

“Of course I do. He’s super annoying and says a bunch of rude shit to Peter, and it fucking sucks. I try to get him to stop, but he keeps on talking about sensitive topics. Like, really, sensitive topics. Peter literally just ignores him. Once in a while, he sasses Flash.”

“What kind of sensitive topics, might I ask?” Bucky said, looking at Peter, who nodded.

“Like.. uh. Well. Peter’s parents. Peter’s parents died a while back and Flash starts making fun of him for it. It’s seriously messed up. I slapped him many times with a book- hardcover, thankfully- in the face when he says it. He gets mad but I still haven’t gotten suspended for that. That dick needs to be taught a lesson.”

Sam, Bucky, and Steve’s faces were a mixture of shocked and mad. They already knew what they were gonna do.

“We will.” Steve said.

Peter’s eyes seemed to widen even more, it was almost comical.

“H-how are you gonna do THAT? I can just fight him, I don’t know-” Peter started to stutter.

“You’ll see.” Sam said.

“Oh. Okay. Um. I’ll see what you do, I guess-”

“Peter. You never talk like this anymore. What happened to all of your confidence?” MJ asked.

“That confidence just goes away whenever Flash is around. I don’t even know. I can easily insult him, fight him, ya know? I just DO NOT need Flash to start bullying someone else instead of me. I got powers. Fucking powers! Enhanced!” Peter exclaimed, earning a compassionate glance from everyone.

“Peter, despite you being pretty badass, you’re still way too precious.” Bucky said.

Peter smiled at that.

Everyone was finished with their food and drinks. They threw out the bowls and cups, and walked outside. It was raining pretty badly, and people were just running around without umbrellas.

Sam, Bucky, Steve, Peter and MJ were not prepared for heavy rain.

“Hey, MJ, do you wanna stay the night at the tower?” Peter suggested.

MJ nodded. “Sure, don’t see why not.”

“Good choice! You’re gonna finally meet the Spider-mom, none other than Natasha Romanoff.”

“Cool. My parents are away, so I’m just home alone for a few days. Business things.” MJ said.

Sam, Bucky and Steve were all grinning and nodding when Peter mentioned Natasha. The crew ran towards the tower and entered.

Fun times.

Chapter Text

3:47 PM JUNE 19TH 2019

Parkour is online.

Parkour has changed his name to Yamiyugi.

Tinystark is online.

Rhodeo is online.

Rhodeo has changed Tinystark’s name to Tinystank.

Stove is online.

Iceonmywrist is online.

Mj is online.

Guyinthechair is online.

Guyinthechair: peter what does ur name mean

Mj: he started watching yugioh

Yamiyugi: yu-gi-oh* but carry on sorry

Mj: don’t question it

Tinystank: rhodey :(

Rhodeo: lol

Stove: lol

Iceonmywrist: lol

Yamiyugi: lol

Mj: lol

Guyinthechair has gone offline.

Yamiyugi: wdym tinystank tho?

Rhodeo: some guy delivered mail for us and he asked for tony stank

Rhodeo: so i said

Rhodeo: yes this is tony stank

Rhodeo: isn’t tiny’s name amazing

Yamiyugi: yes

Stove: so we haven’t talked on this chat in a while what’s been going on with u guys.

Mj: when r u guys gonna do the thing

Tinystank: what thing

Stove: seriously tony

Tinystank: o yea that thing

Rhodeo: uncultured swine

Iceonmywrist: uncultured swine

Tinystank: sorry :(

Stove: here’s the thing we already know what we’re gonna do but sam is sleeping rn and so is clint so we couldn’t do it. When they’re woken up its absolute madness luv <3

Mj: omg

Yamiyugi: omg

PRIVATE CHAT BETWEEN MJ AND STOVE

3:56 PM JUNE 19TH 2019

Mj: what r u gonna do w flash tell me

Stove: ok so basically

Mj:..

Stove: we’re going to come to midtown when you guys are leaving and we’re going to pick up you peter and ned, then we’re going to have a nice long talk with flash.

Stove: got it?

Mj: who’s coming

Stove: me bucky tony clint sam rhodey and nat

Mj: ok

Mj: and also

Mj: got it

Stove has gone offline.

Mj has gone offline.

Chapter Text

2:45 PM JUNE 20TH 2019

MIDTOWN

After a long and slightly infuriating day (seriously, Flash couldn’t shut the fuck up), Peter finally heard the bell ring and practically jumped out his seat. Ned was out sick and he was stuck with MJ (that wasn’t bad though, obviously), Betty (Ned’s girlfriend but she cares for Peter too), and Flash (fuck). MJ took his wrist and dragged him outside. Betty followed close behind and, ironically, Flash did too.

“Penis, where’s your girlfriend taking you to? And why is Brant following?” Flash sneered.

Peter rolled his eyes in such a dramatic fashion that even MJ noticed.

“You don’t have to follow. Also, I don’t know. Fuck off.” Peter flipped Flash off (showed him the middle finger), but it didn’t have an effect. Flash kept on following.

When the kids got outside (technically they were at the back of the school since MJ did not want the Avengers to attract attention), MJ halted.

Nobody moved.

MJ took out her phone and dialed Steve’s number.

Steve’s number.

Wouldn’t this be great?

“Hey, where the fuck are you? We’re running low on time.” MJ whispered into the phone.

After a little bit, MJ groaned. She put the phone back into her pocket.

“Fucking hung up on me. Little bitch.”

Peter didn’t know why Flash followed them. It seemed to be once in a lifetime. Peter was expected to get beat up like he usually does (he has two badass girls with him though..) and to pretend to be weak.

Then, a large car approached the teens.

Then stepped out,

Steve.

Bucky.

Tony.

Clint.

Sam.

Rhodey.

Natasha.

Flash’s eyes widened and he ran up to them.

Steve noticed him first.

When Flash came up to him, he didn’t bat an eye or move a muscle.

MJ stood silently, not surprised.

Peter’s eyes widened, like usual.

Betty didn’t have any words, she just stood, watching the Avengers giving Flash the death stare.

Shit!

Chapter Text

“Holy shit, you’re Captain America! Iron Man! Black Widow! The Winter Soldier, oh fuck! War Machine, Hawkeye, and Falcon! Wait- how the fuck are you guys here? Why the fuck are you guys here? Oh my god. Did Michelle call one of you? How does she have your-” Flash kept on rambling until Steve stiffened up and Flash realized he put his hand on Captain America’s shoulder. 

Flash looked up at Steve and took two steps backward as he realized that Steve was still giving him the death stare. After a moment of silence, Steve spoke up-

“So. You must be the infamous Flash Thompson. Sorry- Eugene .” Steve spoke with much venom in his mouth, and while he was speaking, the other Avengers who decided to come closer to Flash while having blank expressions. 

“Yeah that’s me, h-how do you know my n-” Flash started to stutter, clearly getting anxious, being surrounded by a bunch of Avengers and three other teenagers who watched with joy. 

“Because, if it isn’t obvious already , we know MJ and Peter. Betty could also be considered someone we know because of them and Ned, but that’s beside the point. A little birdy told us that someone is insulting Peter and making inappropriate jokes about certain topics which will not be named . Clearly, you don’t listen to people who tell you to stop, even if you know it’s for the best, so maybe you could listen to us.” Steve cut him off, being very serious about this. 

“F-fine, I-I’ll stop, just don’t tell anyone about this. Please.” Flash said, surprisingly giving in very quickly. 

Steve smirked coldly, backing away from Flash, the other Avengers doing the same. While the whole scene occurred, Peter had his jaw open the whole time. Michelle smiled, and so did Betty. 

“That was surprisingly easy. But you better, and I mean better , keep your promise and not say that disgusting shit to Peter.” Natasha said, staring Flash down. 

“O-ok.” 

“Thank you. Now, let’s go Peter, MJ, and Betty.” Natasha said, letting the other three teens get into the car. 

The Avengers piled into the car, leaving Flash confused and wide eyed. 

After a moment of silence, Betty decided to say in a very monotone voice,

“ What the fuck just happened ?”

Chapter Text

5:34 PM JULY 22ND, 2019

Yamiyugi is online. 

Mj is online.

Tinystank is online.

Stove is online. 

Iceonmywrist is online. 

Tinystank: alright which one of u little fuckers took my iced coffee 

Mj: tony stark drinks basic bitch juice 

Tinystank: that’s bullying 

Mj: haha bitch 

Tinystank: ok u assholes that actually live here,, someone here took my coffee 

Yamiyugi: are u sure about that 

Tinystank: are you questioning me 

Yamiyugi: perhaps 

Stove: ok tiny u need to look around the room ur in and find the iced coffee 

Stove: wait what type of iced coffee is it 

Yamiyugi: medium iced caramel latte from dunkin 

Tinystank: medium iced caramel latte from d

Tinystank: u literally just 

Yamiyugi: what me no i didnt 

Stove: peter u idiot 

Mj: peter u idiot 

Iceonmywrist: peter u idiot 

Iceonmywrist: wait since when does… tony drink an iced caramel latte… 

Stove: omg u right 

Yamiyugi: guys this isn’t the most important thing,, he just got the most generic thing he can think of he’s chasin g,e.

Stove: it seems that the young arachnid was caught 

Mj: hey have you guys ever thought of turning the tower into a vsco hangout 

Iceonmywrist: omg that’s a great idea 

Stove: bucky… do you have… vsco

Iceonmywrist: perhaps i do, what are u gonna do abt it 

Stove: follow me wtf 

Iceonmywrist: oh ok what is it 

Stove: immasteveyourman 

Mj: is that supposed to be ‘imma steal your man’ 

Stove: ..perhaps 

Iceonmywrist: oh my god 

Mj: oh my god

Yamiyugi: walk a mile in these louboutins 

Mj: peter,, are u,, alright 

Tinystank: no he’s not, got my fukcin coffee back 

Mj: damn 

Stove: peter’s pissed man 

Mj: as he should be

Tinystank: as he should be

Iceonmywrist: as he should be

Yamiyugi: as i should be

Stove: pfft

Stove: alright gays 

Stove: sorry i meant guys uhhh 

Yamiyugi: wow  

Stove: reminder to never search up captain america fanfiction 

Yamiyugi: ..why would you search it up in the first place 

Stove: ..

Iceonmywrist: other people are alright with it steve you’re obviously not alright with it because it’s fanfiction about you but reminder that people actually have great ideas and they have a role model and they won’t let it go to waste, even if it is smut 

Stove: inspirational, barnes

Iceonmywrist: obviously, rogers 

Mj: what the fuck 

Yamiyugi: can someone teach me how to speak pig latin 

Mj: so you can be like robin from st

Yamiyugi: ye how’d u know??

Mj: i know trends bitch 

Tinystark: the amount of times the topic changed just now is beyond me wtf

Iceonmywrist: yeah i noticed that too 

Yamiyugi: what’s wrong with that 

Mj: wh- 

Mj has gone offline. 

Yamiyugi has gone offline. 

Stove has gone offline. 

Tinystank has gone offline. 

Iceonmywrist has gone offline. 

Chapter Text

SEPTEMBER 23RD, 2019 4:20 PM

Yamiyugi is online. 

Yamiyugi changed their name to Parkour.

Parkour: yooooooooooo 420 blaze it motherfuckers

Mj is online. 

Tinystank is online.

Stove is online.

Nat is online.

Iceonmywrist is online. 

Birbv2 is online.

Birb is online.

Tinystank: peter

Tinystark: did you think about what you said 

Parkour: yes. 

Tinystark: good 

Tinystark: so why did you say it 

Parkour: h

Tinystark: h

Parkour: h 

Stove: h

Mj: shut the fuck up

Parkour: ..

Parkour: no u 

Mj: not a good answer bith c

Birb: change da world. My final message. Goodby e

Birb has gone offline. 

Parkour: clint w

Parkour: u know what u r paying 4 dis 

Parkour changed Birb’s name to Flintandsteel.

Flintandsteel is online. 

Flintandsteel: u will pay for this u know

Parkour: hee hee 

Mj: let’s say bye bye to this group chat for now 

Parkour: alright goodbye bitches

Tinystank: where tf r u lil bitches going 

Parkour: minecraft gc!!!!

Mj: :)

Tinystank: havw fun

Gay ass minecraft bitch asses bitch

MEMBERS: parkour, mj, guyinthechair, bettybrantuwu, shuri

Guyinthechair: hey do you guys ever think that side characters are like side hoes

Parkour: i dont think 

Shuri: share if you dont think 

Mj: sharing 

Bettybrantuwu: shared 

Guyinthechair: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEURYGWQEOIRYGEWJK LWEROTIUJWLK;RSPOIJQLKER;OGDJREL;S

Mj: ok 

Parkour: hey guys i can’t play mr. stark sed i can t

Bettybrantuwu: sed 

Shuri: peter learn how to spell dumb hoe 

Mj: ok fine let’s meet @ denny’s or chick fil a at 3 am 

Guyinthechair: this is new york city.. We lit rally don’t have n e chick fil a’s

Shuri: i can get 2 new yohk in like a few hours and i can get the good good 

Bettybrantuwu: ight im down 

Parkour: shuri did you just attempt a new york accent on a mobile device 

Shuri: perhaps

Shuri has gone offline.

Mj has gone offline.

Bettybrantuwu has gone offline. 

Guyinthechair has gone offline. 

Parkour has gone offline.

Chapter Text

im really trying to update as fast as i can but im really indulged in schoolwork and fun fact: i have no clue how many chapters this will have because uhhhhhhh it could have 100 and i would still update after but im honestly very very sorry for the inactivity with this fanfic

on the other hand, i might be able to work on this in school but im not too sure!! and im also trying to work on a halloween fanfic (its not about halloween its like supposed to be creepy but uhh idk how its gonna end up) for kny which i have been v v obsessed with,, its a work in progress............. im also not really into the mcu as much as i used to be anymore so sometimes updating this feels like a lot of work and i know its just a gc fic but sometimes i find myself confused on what the fuck i should write. im really sorry yall but this whole fic is a mess and i'll try to fix it on my free time :,((